Mom's Car: Briegh Morrison

On this week’s episode of Mom’s Car, we welcome Dax’s former longtime partner and forever pal Briegh Morrison. Briegh, Dax, and Best Friend Aaron Weakley talk through the harrowing story of her son’s near-drowning, breast cancer being the catalyst for her getting sober, BFAW’s memory of Briegh’s substance-tinged boat cleaning, she and Dax’s couples therapy leading to their amicable breakup, and why one of her greatest gifts is going deep with people. #sponsored by @Allstate. Go to https://bit.ly/momscar to check Allstate first and see how much you could save on car insurance. Follow Mom's Car on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Mom's Car ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting https://wondery.com/plus now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Hello and welcome to Mom's Car. Today is an incredibly special episode. Again, for anyone that listened to Armchair Expert over the last seven and a half years, you've probably heard me talk a bazillion times about my ex-girlfriend, Bree Morrison, who I still just adore to no end. She's such an incredible person, an incredible mom. She's just gone through an incredible journey and I'm just delighted that we finally got to sit down and talk and introduce her to everybody in the armchair world. So, please enjoy my ex-girlfriend, Bree Morrison. You know what's smart? Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart?

• 0:44Dax Shepard?

  Not checking that your sunroof is closed before going through the car wash. Yeah, checking first is smart. So, check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North America Insurance Co. and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 1:21Dax Shepard?

  Don't you find that kind of charming that Kristin could drive any car? And this is her car, an entry-level Chevy Bolt.

• 1:27Speaker 01

  I mean, yes, I feel the same way about myself. I'm like, this is the one I want. And also, I don't want to wash it.

• 1:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's not for you.

• 1:34Speaker 01

  It just gets dirty again.

• 1:35Dax Shepard?

  You got the right color for that, which is white.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  I got the absolute last one.

• 1:40Dax Shepard?

  It was like COVID mad dash for them?

• 1:42Speaker 01

  Yes, it was 2021.

• 1:44Dax Shepard?

  Okay, yeah, but terrible time to buy a vehicle.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  And I just had to get a vehicle. Mine was due at the lease shop or whatever, so I was like, I've got to go get it now.

• 1:52Dax Shepard?

  What did you come out of into that van? What had you been driving?

• 1:55Speaker 01

  Volkswagen.

• 1:56Dax Shepard?

  You don't even know. Ferrari? You don't care. Volkswagen, Ferrari?

• 1:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, Volkswagen. No, it was like an SUV.

• 2:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I think I do know the name of that.

• 2:04Speaker 01

  Again, it was like I was trying to eat outside my class. Like, I believe Aaron was originally the one.

• 2:10Dax Shepard?

  Tyrell, remember his old theory?

• 2:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can't have lobster, you can't eat outside my class.

• 2:14Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the people in the Middle Ages would die if they had like steak. I don't know where he would have learned that, but.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  I actually use that a lot. In fact, the more money we have, the lower I go in general.

• 2:27Dax Shepard?

  Have you not?

• 2:28Speaker 01

  I don't need to keep up with that. That's not me.

• 2:30Dax Shepard?

  Right, but have you been infected with anything? Cause like I can admit the things that I've been infected with.

• 2:36Speaker 01

  Jewelry?

• 2:36Dax Shepard?

  It's humiliating. No, not jewelries.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  Jewelries are mine. I like a.

• 2:40Dax Shepard?

  You still like a nice jewelry?

• 2:41Speaker 01

  And I also still like vintage clothing, but I like real nice vintage clothing.

• 2:45Dax Shepard?

  You go get it from the real real? Where do you get your vintage?

• 2:47Speaker 01

  I get it from this place, AMT Vintage in Pasadena. I'll get like, you know, the used Gucci bag.

• 2:53Dax Shepard?

  Oh, sure. So they have high end.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  They have high end, but it's used and it's already a little bit trashed. Like I got these Chanel flats.

• 3:00Dax Shepard?

  So it looks like you've owned that for a while?

• 3:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just don't mind, cause I will trash it.

• 3:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 3:05Speaker 01

  Like I can't not trash things.

• 3:07Dax Shepard?

  Just fast forward.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  I'm just a trash person.

• 3:09Dax Shepard?

  You're a trash monster. You've always been a trash monster.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  Always. So it will get dirty and gross, so I might as well, but I still like the fancy.

• 3:16Dax Shepard?

  But you and I, well, all three of us come from a modest background. You and I were broke for a decade together. And I do certain things now where I go like, wow, I can't believe I'm this person. I don't have much shame or guilt about it. I've worked through most of it, but hotels, I'm such a fucking snob. Like when you go to an incredible hotel on vacation, for me, it makes it so much better. Cause then I don't care what we do. I'm just delighted to be at the hotel. We were at a terrible hotel last year in Norway. And I was like, I can't believe how uncomfortable. This is really humiliating.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  I can't do it. I can't live like this.

• 3:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I was like mismatched pillowcases, some silk, which I hate. I don't want public silk, communal silk. So it's for like you and yourself, maybe your wife.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  I like a nice hotel, but I also still.

• 4:06Dax Shepard?

  That hasn't gotten you?

• 4:07Speaker 01

  No, like we're driving up to Washington. We just need to stay at like a dog friendly motel somewhere. Like I'll be okay with that. Although we are staying in a hotel that I really love. Do you know the McMinimans? Franch, franch. Okay.

• 4:18Dax Shepard?

  I need to get hip to it.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Well, McMinimans is a series of hotels. You can get points if you stay at them a lot, but they convert old cool places. So they've converted this old nunnery. This like Princeton nunnery into a hotel.

• 4:31Dax Shepard?

  In Seattle?

• 4:32Speaker 01

  In Bend, Oregon. So it's like on the way because we're driving up.

• 4:35Dax Shepard?

  Do you remember the time we slept in Stockton on the way to go to your house? Your parents' house? And there was like a drug dealer next door? And it was getting progressively crazier throughout the night? And then there was like people being thrown against the wall? And we were like, oh, is there gonna be shots fired through the wall?

• 4:51Speaker 01

  But I feel like that was a lot of stops on the way, on the motorcycle trip as well.

• 4:55Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  When you would just be like, mm. Not for like 10 hours. I mean, I was sleeping on the back, obviously asleep.

• 5:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you were just like Aaron on our road trips. Reslept at least half of the ride from Detroit to California.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  On the back of the motorcycle, all asleep. There wasn't even a strap.

• 5:11Dax Shepard?

  What were your plans versus? Because you intended to do a ton of reading on the back of the motorcycle.

• 5:15Speaker 01

  I did do a bunch of reading, yeah.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  Like with an actual book?

• 5:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, you could just open it right up. Just really do a lot of reading.

• 5:23Dax Shepard?

  Where the pages?

• 5:23Speaker 01

  The thing is, we didn't know.

• 5:25Dax Shepard?

  You just hold it tight? Hold it tight. Don't hold on to the motorcycle at all.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  I just love too, like, there's no pictures from that era. You know, no one, I'm like, did I, did it happen?

• 5:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you're so right. We took no pictures. We took one picture that was really high priority to me, which is you were driving the cop car.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:45Dax Shepard?

  And you were next to me on my Harley. And I had the cruise control on and I was sitting on the backseat.

• 5:51Speaker 02

  There we go.

• 5:51Dax Shepard?

  Like looking, because you could put it on your credit card if you got a Harley credit card.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  You should have been reading back then.

• 5:57Dax Shepard?

  I should have had one of your books.

• 5:58Speaker 01

  One of the greatest things I ever did was that stretch of highway where there's no exits. So there's no cops.

• 6:04Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 6:04Speaker 01

  And I went like 135 miles an hour. And that was, to this day, like, thrilling.

• 6:13Dax Shepard?

  That's very fast for you.

• 6:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is.

• 6:14Speaker 01

  How fast can you go? How fast does a car go?

• 6:17Dax Shepard?

  Oh, well, it depends which one you're on, but that's.

• 6:20Speaker 01

  That cop car, how fast did that go?

• 6:21Dax Shepard?

  Oh, probably 130, yeah, 135.

• 6:24Speaker 01

  I mean, it had to go 135.

• 6:25Dax Shepard?

  It must have gone.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  Well, I guess I went over. Like, it went as fast as the thing showed. And it was so thrilling. And I only did it for about 15 seconds because it was so scary.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  Love you, love.

• 6:38Dax Shepard?

  That ranks for me, the Harley trip in the summer. It was 10 days. We rode from bar to bar to bar.

• 6:45Speaker 01

  Remember when we went to Wisconsin and we bought everyone in the bar a drink? Cause they were like 25 cents.

• 6:49Dax Shepard?

  Yes, it was 25.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  And it was flooded. So people had taken their rowboats to the bar from like to the bar.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  How did you get a motorcycle through there?

• 6:58Speaker 01

  No, I mean, the highway wasn't flooded. This is like down locals, the valley was flooded.

• 7:02Dax Shepard?

  Have you been to those bars in Wisconsin where you're in someone's house? Like there's just bars in people's houses?

• 7:08Speaker 02

  Love them. Yes, and I went on quite a few trips. I'm sad we never got to do one together.

• 7:13Dax Shepard?

  Yes, and probably a blessing.

• 7:16Speaker 02

  Well, probably, yeah. But yeah, I love those bars.

• 7:19Dax Shepard?

  Everyone has a Pabst Blue Ribbon sign in front of their porch?

• 7:22Speaker 02

  Totally, yeah.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  So you can just go in?

• 7:24Dax Shepard?

  Anyone can have a liquor license.

• 7:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a very Wisconsin-y thing, for sure.

• 7:30Dax Shepard?

  Where's that trip rank for you?

• 7:31Speaker 01

  I actually talk about that one a lot. Well, also because it was just so visceral.

• 7:36Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 7:36Speaker 01

  You would be so dirty. Your arms would just be so dirty.

• 7:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, because we had to put so much sunblock on.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  When you had that drink at the end, you were so good. Cause you were just like. Cause we put on a lot of hours in a day in a motorcycle.

• 7:51Dax Shepard?

  You deserve those drinks.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, you did. Yeah, it's only like. Rustic Inn right there was a real.

• 7:56Dax Shepard?

  An old haunch of yours? What was the Fred Eric's restaurant you worked at?

• 8:00Speaker 01

  Uh, Vida?

• 8:01Dax Shepard?

  Vida, a Vida.

• 8:02Speaker 01

  Just Vida. The one thing I'm really sad about from the fires is he had a wine keg made for me. This was engraved with DJ Breed, because I would make all the mixes for the restaurant. And somehow it like got thrown away with the cleanup. You know, because they threw away a lot of like silverware and stuff and I can't find it. My house didn't burn down, so I'm pretty lucky.

• 8:22Dax Shepard?

  It didn't burn down, but it is.

• 8:23Speaker 01

  I only lost a wine.

• 8:24Dax Shepard?

  But it's poisoned with lead.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  No, you could wash it.

• 8:27Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 8:28Speaker 01

  And I don't use it that much anymore because I don't drink. So I'm like.

• 8:31Dax Shepard?

  No, no, no, the house, the house.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  Oh, the house. I'm still thinking about the wine keg guys.

• 8:37Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 8:37Speaker 01

  No, the house is filled with toxic lead. Like it's supposed to be five and ours is 200. And this is after it was cleaned.

• 8:45Dax Shepard?

  Wait, it's supposed to be five and it's two?

• 8:47Speaker 01

  Five is like the U G level for floors, interior. And I just wiped it up after the cleaning and it was 200.

• 8:54Dax Shepard?

  Now, but have you considered, you never tested it before the fires?

• 8:58Speaker 01

  Not before the fires. By the way, the other rooms are not that high. The windows in the kitchen and the living room blew open with the fire. So the smoke came into the living room and all the other doors I closed. Cause I was actually very good, like post apocalyptic person. I had every battery out. I was testing the batteries. We filled every headlamp because you know, the power was out. I had the extra water containers and the backpacks.

• 9:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, on it.

• 9:21Speaker 01

  Really good.

• 9:22Dax Shepard?

  Where did you guys safe harbor at?

• 9:24Speaker 01

  We went to the Omni downtown. We just kept looking for hotels until we found one.

• 9:29Dax Shepard?

  We had a bunch of people at our house.

• 9:30Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, you offered. Thank you. That was nice.

• 9:32Dax Shepard?

  Oh, right. Yeah. I forgot I did that. It was fun.

• 9:35Speaker 01

  Oh, I bet.

• 9:36Dax Shepard?

  I always feel guilty about this. Covid was fun. 9/11 was so fun.

• 9:40Speaker 01

  Oh my God. We woke up, we were smoking cigarettes in bed, watching it.

• 9:47Speaker 01

  We didn't. We like literally lit up cigarette. We were like, fuck it. We could smoke inside. It's 9/11. Like this had just happened. We didn't smoke in bed every day.

• 9:55Dax Shepard?

  We didn't? I think we did. I remember I wouldn't really open my eyes until the cigarette was in my lips and I was about to light it. The second I woke up, I was reaching for the soft pack. And then I would light it and then I'd be like, and then I'd open my eyes. Do you think back on how absolutely terrible our apartment must have been for non smokers? We were hosting like Super Bowl parties.

• 10:18Speaker 01

  Didn't they all smoke too?

• 10:19Dax Shepard?

  No, Scotty had asthma and didn't smoke. Nate smoked only when he drank.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  The whole world smelled like smoke back then though. Maybe less in California, but a little.

• 10:31Dax Shepard?

  It was a tiny apartment. Even I sometimes would be like, oh, it's very smoky in here.

• 10:35Speaker 02

  It's too smoky.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  Yes, it's a little even smoky for me. I actually think it's so funny. I think about that apartment a lot right now because it was my like first remodel. Cause now I'm deep in remodeling again. I actually really love it. I made that apartment so freaking cute with that giant bookshelf. That is the strongest thing that's ever been made.

• 10:53Dax Shepard?

  The one I made for your birthday.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  That was the hugest.

• 10:57Speaker 01

  Biggest, I think you put like two, four by fours like next to each other, like it was thick.

• 11:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's a little over built.

• 11:03Speaker 02

  Or no. Turn around. Turn around, okay. Bree, we had Tim Lovstead in here the other day.

• 11:09Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, a little blast from the past. And Dax asked him, where did you guys meet? And Tim's like, I think we met at your house in Santa Monica, at the apartment. Dax said, well, that must have been a real fucking smoky apartment if Aaron was there with me and Bree.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't remember it because, but then again, like my fondest memory is still holding the little ashtray in the center with my grandparents smoking. It was like a Scottish check pattern and I would just like let the sandbag and they would just,

• 11:44Speaker 01

  let the ash fall over my face.

• 11:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  So cigarette smoke in interiors is actually like a Proustian madeleine for me.

• 11:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  So I like it. I do love that you can, I like that you can drink and drive.

• 11:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  Non-alcoholic beers.

• 11:58Dax Shepard?

  Well, that's what we assume. I don't know if you can or not. I certainly have.

• 12:02Speaker 02

  Good assumption.

• 12:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I mean, you're not allowed to drink and drive.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  I go in and get it.

• 12:07Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 12:07Dax Shepard?

  Well, you were saying Tim, though.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  The smoky apartment. So I should probably get back into nicotine, is what you're saying?

• 12:13Dax Shepard?

  I like it. It's a good product. And now you have like all these different delivery systems. I have the lozenge, of course. But then also, this is just straight spray. It's just straight nicotine. There's no other bullshit in it.

• 12:26Speaker 01

  I just feel like I've gotten over it.

• 12:27Dax Shepard?

  You've gotten over it. When's the last time you had nicotine?

• 12:30Speaker 01

  Oh, jeez. Oh, I'll tell you.

• 12:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, tell me.

• 12:32Speaker 01

  The night before I started chemo.

• 12:34Dax Shepard?

  Okay, good for you.

• 12:36Speaker 01

  Went up on my roof and I smoked a cigarette and I like cried and said all the prayers, like I want to make it while smoking a cigarette. I'm not gonna be able to do this anymore.

• 12:45Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  Probably not a good idea. I didn't smoke for a long time, like until Isaac was like four, near drowning.

• 12:53Dax Shepard?

  I remember.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  And that was very stressful as one.

• 12:56Dax Shepard?

  That's the most haunting story I think I've heard about a kid.

• 12:59Speaker 01

  I just picked up a pack of cigarettes and then, my kids even know this, like I just buy a pack of cigarettes, go behind a Target parking lot, smoke, leave it there. The whole pack, I would leave it there, thinking that somebody else would want to smoke behind a Target parking lot. It's an amazing place. And I would come back like a week later and sometimes a pack would still be there.

• 13:17Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God, really?

• 13:18Speaker 01

  And then I would smoke another one.

• 13:19Dax Shepard?

  In LA?

• 13:20Speaker 02

  Insane.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, the Eagle Rock one.

• 13:22Dax Shepard?

  So basically, you're just keeping your cigarettes behind Target?

• 13:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, basically.

• 13:29Dax Shepard?

  And maybe in the car?

• 13:31Speaker 01

  No, I never smoked in the car.

• 13:33Dax Shepard?

  No, no, no, I mean, would they be waiting in the cars you were buying in a dart behind Target?

• 13:37Speaker 01

  No.

• 13:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay.

• 13:39Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, this would be sort of like, I'm gonna run to Target and then I would go to Target and get the things I needed and then there's two Targets that I do this at. There's one that's actually behind the old Macy's in Eagle Rock. It's like, people are recycling on the side. And every time I drive down the two and I look over, never see anyone there and I'm like, it's a missed opportunity.

• 13:58Speaker 02

  Did you have one Target you shopped at and one you smoked at?

• 14:02Speaker 01

  No, I shopped and smoked at the same. But I also would smoke behind the La Cañada one.

• 14:09Dax Shepard?

  Will you tell Erin that terrible story?

• 14:12Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 14:12Dax Shepard?

  You don't want to tell her.

• 14:13Speaker 01

  I mean, I can tell the story, like when Isaac drowned?

• 14:15Dax Shepard?

  Yes, it's just one of the most brutal stories I've ever heard. I've told so many people that story. I guess I should have asked you if you're comfortable with it.

• 14:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, I am comfortable with it.

• 14:24Dax Shepard?

  Well, let's just acknowledge this. You're so part of us having kids, which is, you probably won't even remember doing this. I remember I was in northern Michigan and you called me randomly and you said, "Do not miss this." You had had a kid.

• 14:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:38Dax Shepard?

  And you're like, "You know me, I'm selfish and trust me, none of the work feels like it's work and you just can't miss it, it's the greatest." And of course, I already wanted to have kids. But I did get off the phone with you and I'm like, "Let's go." Yeah, let's go. And I remember saying to Kristen, like, "Yeah, I just talked to Bree." I just talked to my ex-girlfriend and she said, "It's time for us to..."

• 14:59Dax Shepard?

  Bree has advised us to procreate.

• 15:01Speaker 01

  I think I might have also called you after the drowning and said, "Make sure your kid goes to Swim to Bill or one of those swimming classes." Well, the thing is, he'd already done one of those swimming classes. It was like 11 a.m. because of course, you know, like your first thing is like, "I wasn't drinking." I said to my friend, I was like, "Okay, you got eyes on Isaac." I had paid to have a pool fence put up in the rental in Atlanta.

• 15:22Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, your husband was producing a movie in Atlanta.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm, and then it was the very first day we'd used the pool. We were in and out of the pool so much, I just took down one of the panels. And I'm sitting there, I'm holding her infant baby and all of a sudden I just didn't hear Isaac chitter chatter. He's like, "Chir chir chir chir." He liked to like talk, guys, you know, this little toys. And I just didn't hear him and I stood up and the one, literal one section of the pool, I could not see.

• 15:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  He was laying face down in it. And I ran across the water, pulled up lifeless, just no breathing, no anything, threw him over the side, got up on my stomach here and started doing compressions. And because I was a teacher, or had been a teacher too, I knew, anyway, I got so confused, I started doing the mouth thing too. And you're only supposed to do chest compressions, just PSA. I started breathing, and then he started going like, "Ooh." And I was like, "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God." But he wasn't breathing enough.

• 16:15Dax Shepard?

  How long were you doing chest compressions and stuff before he made a noise?

• 16:19Speaker 01

  A minute? I mean, I don't really time it.

• 16:22Dax Shepard?

  I can't even imagine.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  Wrench crying, like screaming the address out. Call 911! Whatever the address was, I knew it, I'm like screaming it. The ambulance was there within five minutes. I mean, it was absolutely insane. But what ended up happening, the worst thing, is that I ended up aspirating vomit back into his lungs because of doing the breathing.

• 16:43Dax Shepard?

  Oh, and by the way, you're the daughter of a firefighter. If you can't get it right, what are the odds?

• 16:48Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 16:48Dax Shepard?

  Anybody's gonna get it right?

• 16:50Speaker 01

  Anyway, you know, he was 100% fine. He's Mensa.

• 16:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he's golden, but you had like a big wave of depression after that, yeah?

• 16:57Speaker 01

  Oh, huge. Joya put me on like a Benzo almost immediately. And I was like, "No, no, no, I don't actually like pills at all." Or even like, I don't even take an Advil. I was like, "No, no, no, I don't want to do it." And she's like, "Oh, no, no, you're at risk for advanced onset aging." Like, you know, like the people, and I was like, "Son of a..." Give it to me, give it to me. You know, like when the person's like, "His hair, it's turning black into bright, bright."

• 17:19Dax Shepard?

  Like Obama.

• 17:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, like stress, like extreme stress will do that. So that was why I took it. And I remember I took it for like three days, and it just basically tamps down, you don't have the feeling.

• 17:30Dax Shepard?

  Yes, it makes it manageable.

• 17:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't even know. Anyway.

• 17:33Dax Shepard?

  How long were you fucked up over that?

• 17:35Speaker 01

  I mean, uh, no. No, it's fine. You know, I just think of guilt. You just try to be such a good mom. I don't, I don't remember. I mean, probably not too long. I tend not to.

• 17:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you keep it moving.

• 17:47Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 17:48Dax Shepard?

  I hated that story so much. I'm so glad I heard it, because I was like, "Oh, right, it can happen when you're doing everything right."

• 17:54Speaker 01

  I think I saved many children's lives. And so none of these have come out?

• 17:57Speaker 02

  No.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 17:58Speaker 02

  No.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  And they get edited, so we can say whatever we want.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 18:02Speaker 01

  It won't necessarily be on.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:04Dax Shepard?

  Mmm, he's not good.

• 18:08Speaker 02

  I've always wanted you.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  I was telling Aaron that I keep trying to get this side so I don't give the camera my.

• 18:17Dax Shepard?

  What do you got?

• 18:17Speaker 02

  She's missing a little tooth.

• 18:20Dax Shepard?

  From what? Is that cancer related?

• 18:22Speaker 01

  A little bit. I got an infection. I mean, I had like so many infections. It was insane.

• 18:26Dax Shepard?

  Because your immune system's completely destroyed?

• 18:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, when you're doing chemo.

• 18:30Dax Shepard?

  Could we start at the beginning?

• 18:31Speaker 01

  Oh geez.

• 18:32Dax Shepard?

  Are you comfortable, Star Andrew?

• 18:33Speaker 02

  I heard secondhand. I'm very curious.

• 18:37Dax Shepard?

  I have to say that the two saddest moments I've had for other people are both of you. I got lost parents and stepparents and when Aaron got sick, Aaron got really sick a few years ago. I probably didn't tell you. Well, five and a half years ago, six years ago.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  Six years ago now, yeah.

• 18:53Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 18:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, what did you have?

• 18:56Speaker 02

  This is what led to me.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  Getting sober.

• 18:59Speaker 02

  Sober, yeah.

• 19:00Speaker 01

  Cancer led to me getting sober. It's funny when the thing becomes a gift, like the hard thing. But I also read, I don't remember, I keep trying to figure out which author it was, but I was in college and they were saying that like you're only able to experience the amount of joy in direct opposition to the amount of suffering that you've experienced.

• 19:16Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow.

• 19:17Speaker 01

  So, not that that should be a reason for like going down a dark road, but.

• 19:22Speaker 02

  I wonder if I'm fucking happy right now?

• 19:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I know. That sometimes I'm like, holy shit, I've never known joy like this before. There's something about coming through that meat grinder of anything scary like that.

• 19:34Dax Shepard?

  When you told me you had been diagnosed with cancer, I was pretty devastated.

• 19:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I heard. Me too.

• 19:40Speaker 02

  From Dex.

• 19:41Dax Shepard?

  How did you discover it?

• 19:43Speaker 01

  Well, what I really like is just how on trend I am because I feel like everybody has.

• 19:47Dax Shepard?

  You're nobody if you haven't gone through.

• 19:48Speaker 01

  No, I know. Pretty much all the coolest girls have.

• 19:51Dax Shepard?

  That person's no way to talk about. She hasn't even been through cancer yet.

• 19:53Speaker 01

  What's crazy is that I actually got not just mammograms, I got these extra breast ultrasounds because I had really big boobs and they were very dense. And so I was getting.

• 20:02Dax Shepard?

  Does that up your odds?

• 20:04Speaker 01

  It ups your odds for not being able to detect it. So, nothing detected it. I was going to sort of a hippie dippy naturopath type doctor anyway, just, you know, optimize aging and doing different sorts of things and she. Kind of randomly called in an MRI. She was like, you know, there's something. One of my sonocineses is what they're called. They're this really elaborate ultrasound that goes in. She's like, one of them was missing. The clinic had changed ownership. One of my images was missing. She's like, well, something's different from this one and this one on the right side. So she's like, well, let's get an MRI. Let's just do it. Somehow she called it in. Insurance paid for it. I got it done. There was nothing on this side. This side lit up like a Christmas tree. I had like 240 gram tumor. It was 11 centimeters.

• 20:49Speaker 01

  It was huge, but it's lobular cancer. So it grows like a slime mold with these tiny. You couldn't even feel it. Even when I had the full tumor in there, you could not feel a lump.

• 20:58Dax Shepard?

  It wasn't hard and dense. It was like fluid cancer.

• 21:02Speaker 01

  It's not fluid, but it just felt like breasts. No, I mean, it didn't feel like anything.

• 21:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 21:08Speaker 01

  Thought it was like three centimeters. But once she got in there, she's like, oh, my God.

• 21:12Dax Shepard?

  They can visually see it once they're in there.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  Once she's in there, she could visually see.

• 21:17Dax Shepard?

  So when you've got that first MRI, what's the response from everyone from the second they read it?

• 21:23Speaker 01

  Doctors are so clinical. They were just like, you have breast cancer? No, the MRI, then they did a biopsy. So they don't know anything from the MRI. They're like, this doesn't look right.

• 21:32Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  And then they do a biopsy. So they pull the tissue out and then they test it. And then they know exactly what it is.

• 21:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 21:37Speaker 01

  So it's lobular, stage 2B. But they didn't know how big or how much was in there. So once they go in for surgery, she was able to get all the margins. They took a bunch of lymph nodes. Hadn't spread to my lymph nodes.

• 21:51Dax Shepard?

  OK, that's great. But as you told me, it had left the breast, right? And it made its way almost into your armpit?

• 21:57Speaker 01

  No, well, it was really almost all the way to the ribs. Actually, my surgeon did a great job.

• 22:05Dax Shepard?

  Sorry.

• 22:05Speaker 01

  No.

• 22:06Dax Shepard?

  OK, so once they got in there, though.

• 22:08Speaker 01

  Once they got in there, they took it out. And then there's the cancer surgeon and then there's the reconstructive surgeon. So he kind of tried to make the right one sort of match the left one. But they had to take so much out of the left one that he didn't take as much out of the right. So it was a little lopsided for a minute. You know, I didn't think I was going to have to do chemo. But then they run your numbers and they're like, you're this age and blah, blah, blah, blah. So then I ended up having to do chemo. I did thirty rounds of radiation last summer.

• 22:31Dax Shepard?

  Thirty rounds?

• 22:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, it was black. The skin was like falling off. It's like getting a sunburn and then being like, alright, let's go to the beach.

• 22:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 22:39Speaker 01

  The next day, just get another sunburn.

• 22:40Dax Shepard?

  Right after the surgery?

• 22:42Speaker 01

  Six weeks after the surgery, I started chemo.

• 22:44Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  Six weeks after chemo, I started radiation.

• 22:47Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 22:47Speaker 01

  And then six weeks after radiation, they put me on all the meds, which I'm now on. And then I also had reconstruction. And they basically take fat, which is great.

• 22:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, great.

• 22:56Speaker 01

  They took fat from like my waist and then they like

• 22:58Dax Shepard?

  Oh wow, so they can

• 22:59Speaker 01

  Fluff it up.

• 23:00Dax Shepard?

  Oh wow.

• 23:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:01Dax Shepard?

  You didn't have to have a saline implant?

• 23:04Speaker 01

  No, which is great. But what was great is I had a lot to offer to take away.

• 23:07Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, do you think that God smited you because you valued your boobs too much?

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Well, that's, well, this is one of those things where I actually definitely

• 23:16Dax Shepard?

  If I got a cancer, it would definitely be dick.

• 23:17Speaker 01

  I definitely feel smote. Yes. Pride goes before the fall. Vanity is a sin. I definitely was, I was so devastated about losing any of the tissue.

• 23:28Dax Shepard?

  Your God's gift.

• 23:29Speaker 01

  Um, and now I'm like super stoked because I got like all these new clothes and they look different. I look thinner and I like it, so I'm into it. But again, you don't know what the gifts are gonna be until you go through.

• 23:39Dax Shepard?

  And how did you do with all the sympathy that came your way? I tried to imagine all the different stages of this. It's of course very hard to imagine someone looking at you going, yeah, okay, you have tons of cancer. Like, that's certainly a moment, but I called you and I'm like, I just wanna be with you.

• 23:55Speaker 01

  I loved that part because I am super, super social. I want to always be chit chatting with people.

• 24:02Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  So anyone who wanted to like come around and hang out with me, but you kind of had three different camps. You had the people who are just like, I wanna spend as much time with you before you die.

• 24:12Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  Or, you know, just I wanna make sure I spend quality time with you. Those, I was like super happy and that was really fun. There were the people who were just like Your cancer is too hard for me. And they just kind of leave, like they're just gone.

• 24:26Dax Shepard?

  Were you, without naming anyone, were there a couple that shocked you? Like, wow, I thought we were closer than this?

• 24:32Speaker 01

  Yes, yes.

• 24:33Dax Shepard?

  And has there been residual damage from that? Or you got over it?

• 24:37Speaker 01

  I kind of get over it because again, I'm an unlimited well of put in more conversations, put in more people. I just always want to be social. Or it was just like where I would still hang out with them, but I had to do a lot of like, it's okay.

• 24:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, comforting them.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, comforting them. Most people were just fine. I also love to get A pluses. I've always got A pluses. I'm like a 4.0 student. And I got a fucking AP level, A plus in cancer.

• 25:06Dax Shepard?

  Cancer, okay. I'm not shocked.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  No, I did so good.

• 25:09Dax Shepard?

  I try to always explain, when I try to explain our time together to people, I go, well, this was the pattern. Whatever I did, Bree came and did much better immediately. I worked at Chosen Choose, people like me. You went there and my mom was like, I want to give her the company.

• 25:26Speaker 01

  I was very good at Chosen. But I've also come to realize that about myself is that you aren't going to find someone who works more, you know? Like, I'm always moving, always cleaning, but I don't really like the pressure of big job, like, I don't know.

• 25:46Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 25:46Speaker 02

  Let's keep that in mind for somewhere down the road in this conversation. You cleaning a certain boat, maybe after sniffing a lot of drugs. Do you remember this story?

• 26:01Dax Shepard?

  I don't know if I remember.

• 26:02Speaker 01

  I need to tell it again. Cleaning a boat is something I've done so much.

• 26:07Speaker 02

  Oh my God. Okay, this is from my memory.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, these are all, by the way.

• 26:12Dax Shepard?

  From my iron claws.

• 26:13Speaker 02

  Yes, from, yeah, this is fact.

• 26:17Dax Shepard?

  Some facts about your life.

• 26:19Speaker 02

  So Dean's house, Dean Nichols, Dean and Michelle, their first house, which they were the first to get a house out of anybody. They're the first kind of grownups. We were at Dean's. Now, Dax and I just talked about this.

• 26:32Dax Shepard?

  Me bringing meth back to Detroit.

• 26:35Speaker 02

  Back to Detroit, what a treat, so cheap.

• 26:37Dax Shepard?

  Doesn't fill you up.

• 26:39Speaker 02

  Eat right.

• 26:40Dax Shepard?

  Low calorie.

• 26:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, a little bit will go a long way. Or you can just do a little bit and, you know, deal with it for a few, three or four days. Yeah, so I remember my first time, I think it was four day, like, the fourth day was insane.

• 26:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  Where you are actually maybe.

• 26:56Dax Shepard?

  Losing your mind.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  You might be too far gone, like, that kind of thing. And I think it was this time, because a lot of days went after this. Like, I remember days by myself and I was still rolling.

• 27:07Dax Shepard?

  Those were the worst days of my life.

• 27:09Speaker 02

  Right, so I think they won, though. We're all partaking and partying.

• 27:14Speaker 01

  Was I partaking?

• 27:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. If you recall, you have, I'm gonna guess, five times you did it.

• 27:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would say, because I was not, because I don't need it.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  My memory, ironclad. I remember the girls, like you, doing a little, but then we were hoarding.

• 27:30Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  And you and I especially, and you were probably hoarding even more than from me.

• 27:35Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 27:35Speaker 02

  And then we hoarded from Dean and everyone else.

• 27:38Dax Shepard?

  I'm the layers of loyalty.

• 27:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember you guys did a little, but a little was enough.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  And was it meth?

• 27:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was fucking meth.

• 27:46Dax Shepard?

  Well, listen, you'll remember, because you were working, we won't say your name, but you were working at Fred Segal, and the girls at Fred Segal did meth.

• 27:54Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:55Dax Shepard?

  Right, I mean, for the most part. The very first time we ever met, Nate and I were doing meth for the first time.

• 28:01Speaker 02

  Oh, my gosh, yeah, that's why we just.

• 28:02Speaker 01

  In Franklin Hills, actually.

• 28:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, like, um, Brooks' house, yeah, yeah. So we had gotten it from one of your coworkers.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  Okay, got it.

• 28:10Dax Shepard?

  Around Michael Turina area. I had brought it home on the plane so that they could try this great. For a guy who discovered.

• 28:17Speaker 01

  Amazing.

• 28:17Speaker 02

  Hell, which ended up being hell. I asked for more, and I remember you sent me some further down the line, but, um.

• 28:23Dax Shepard?

  That was terrible, when you get more of that.

• 28:25Speaker 02

  I mean, the first couple of days were great.

• 28:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, sure. When you're just horny and not crazy yet.

• 28:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, those were fun, and you can, you know, just drink an excessive amount. So the next morning, this is where you have to remember, Butch, Dean's dad, comes over, because he always does this shit. He comes over and it's like 10, 11 in the morning, and we're all. Up as if, but we all try to pretend we're just getting up and we're having a good weekend and the fucking yard is fucked. We're still drinking. It gets a little uncomfortable too much maybe for some to handle. You and I think Michelle, the boat was in the driveway and you were cleaning that fucking boat for, I mean, what seemed like the entire morning,

• 29:16Speaker 02

  like after the sun came. I think it was before. Yeah, when Buck showed up, you were already cleaning the boat.

• 29:21Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm sure.

• 29:23Speaker 02

  So you were cleaning the boat. Dex was overly trying to compensate that, like to prove to him we are sober.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  So sober. Look at, who would be cleaning a boat?

• 29:35Speaker 02

  Talking to him so much and chewing his lips off and, um, and, uh, like to make it seem like it's normal. Yeah. So the, you know, that fucking, of course, we all know that horrifying feeling, like later, knowing what we did.

• 29:52Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  Like, oh my God. Uh, yeah, like won't even let him go until we.

• 29:57Speaker 01

  Until we've proven it.

• 30:00Dax Shepard?

  On account of just getting up and then breaking sleep.

• 30:03Speaker 02

  Yeah. Uh, breakfast, we already had it.

• 30:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we had it.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  After we woke up.

• 30:08Dax Shepard?

  We were starving. We have our full appetites.

• 30:12Speaker 02

  Gonna get that boat cleaned. That's what the girls are doing.

• 30:15Speaker 01

  Cleaning the boat. We're gonna take it out later.

• 30:18Dax Shepard?

  We're gonna work on the engine when they're done.

• 30:59Dax Shepard?

  All your windows are closed before going through the car wash is not smart. I learned that lesson the hard way last week. There's nothing like getting an unexpected shower while you're trying to clean your car's interior. At least the kids thought it was hilarious. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North America Insurance Co. and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Get almost anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well groomed lawn delivered, but you can get chicken parmigiana delivered. A day at the lake? That's a no. A Philly cheesesteak? That's a yes. An afternoon stroll? Sorry, no. A burrito bowl? Happily yes.

• 31:45Dax Shepard?

  What about a day of sunshine? Not happening. A box of fine chocolates? Yes, that's happening. Delivery on its way. Okay, how about some clear skies? Nope. Well then, how about some french fries? Yep. A little escape? No. A delicious bowl of grapes? Yes, yes, that. How about a freshly cut lawn? Can't help you there. But barbecue prawns? Order it and it's on its way. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details.

• 32:19Dax Shepard?

  I guarantee though, if you ask Deanna Michelle, because I remember the boat being cleaned was my favorite part because I think it went on most of the day. Like once you got started, you wouldn't stop.

• 32:30Speaker 01

  I actually realized when I look back at, I never was this crazy drunk, fall down, ever, never.

• 32:37Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 32:37Speaker 01

  But I will look back and be like, oh, I was trying to be so on top of everything in my life in order for nobody to like, you know, question having a little extra or whatever, which is this weird thing. And it probably just started even back then.

• 32:54Dax Shepard?

  Well, I always think too, you are in a tricky position to ever evaluate your drinking because you live with someone who is going very hard all the time and doing drugs.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:06Dax Shepard?

  And so relative to me, you had your ship fully together. You could have had a roommate that you might've been like, oh, I drink a lot. I mean, I drink much more than she does. Or like Scotty, Scotty was a heavy drinker, but he had to say to me, you can't drink in my house anymore. Like so relative to me.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  Yes, I also stopped drinking as much. You know, I wasn't binge drinking when I was a working person and stuff. So I feel like, oh, that was then. That's when I was partying in my twenties and that was like an era. And now I'm a responsible drinker.

• 33:38Dax Shepard?

  Yes, I weirdly have become grateful that I didn't have a drinking habit that was in the gray zone. Mine was just so obviously untenable that I had to stop. And I just have a lot of friends who it's like, they're not sure if it takes more than it gives.

• 33:54Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 33:54Dax Shepard?

  It's like hard to figure that out.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  I feel like I felt like that for a long time.

• 33:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and I've always just kind of been more like, I almost would rather just be a drunk and then you gotta quit and then you don't even have to even ever evaluate it anymore.

• 34:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's just over.

• 34:06Dax Shepard?

  How did your parents take it? Cause now obviously that you have kids, I just can't imagine that call.

• 34:12Speaker 01

  They kind of went into go mode. My mom, she came down.

• 34:16Dax Shepard?

  You're your mother's daughter.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. She came down for the surgery. She had all my like meds ready to go and just was really taking care of the household, taking care of the kids, doing all of that. One of my favorite things is there was like a journal, my meds after the surgery. And then it was all, Bree thinks Bree is, I wish I remembered what it said. Like, Bree thinks Bree is okay. Brad thinks Bree's not okay. Or what I do is like, I thought I was like totally fine, but I was on like oxy and stuff.

• 34:44Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  Bree thinks Bree's okay, but.

• 34:47Dax Shepard?

  Brad's not so sure.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  Brad's not so sure.

• 34:49Dax Shepard?

  That's so funny.

• 34:51Speaker 01

  My dad was good too. They were perfect, not alarmist. And then Joya, of course, went into full doctor mode.

• 34:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, this is a good time to have a best friend that's an ER doctor.

• 35:00Speaker 01

  Every, really walked me through the emotional parts that were really the hardest part of all of it.

• 35:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  Was the fear, just being afraid.

• 35:07Dax Shepard?

  She deserves a shout out too. When my dad was diagnosed, I called her. I was like, here's what the diagnosis is. And she goes, yeah, there's nothing that can be done. He's gonna die in a few months and so proceed accordingly. And I was like, oh my God, I'm so glad someone just told me. We have no magic silver bullet for small cell carcinoma. Don't waste your time trying to fly to some other state.

• 35:27Speaker 01

  No, just get in there and spend as much time as you can.

• 35:29Dax Shepard?

  Go hang out, yeah, yeah.

• 35:29Speaker 01

  I actually, one of my biggest regrets was not reaching out to your dad before. It was hard, but I felt like it wasn't my place, so I just didn't. I did reach out to Buttons.

• 35:37Dax Shepard?

  You did?

• 35:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh, good.

• 35:39Speaker 01

  I was talking to your mom and Buttons.

• 35:40Dax Shepard?

  Buttons, good. Dave Buttons. Sweet Dave Buttons.

• 35:47Dax Shepard?

  Were you on the trip where he got named Dave Buttons?

• 35:49Speaker 01

  I maybe.

• 35:50Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, you told me, but I feel like.

• 35:52Dax Shepard?

  I don't know. We went twice to an all-inclusive place. I went once with you and I went once with Carrie, and I can't remember what trip it was on. But basically, we were checking in.

• 36:01Speaker 01

  Well, your mom wasn't with Buttons when you were with Carrie.

• 36:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, she was.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  Buttons was around when I got there, or soon after.

• 36:08Dax Shepard?

  I think 10th grade, they started dating.

• 36:10Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. Okay.

• 36:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, 10th grade for me and Carly. Yeah, I was in 4th grade or something, because, yeah, he was very much her dad. But yes, we're checking. His name was Dave Barton, and we're checking in to this all-inclusive hotel, and we've all just gotten off a plane. So there's a line of like 15 people that are checking in. And Barton in his soft voice, they're like, reservation name? And he goes, oh, Dave Barton. And then a guy like four behind us goes, excuse me, no, excuse me, I'm Dave Buttons.

• 36:40Speaker 02

  Oh, that's right, I'm Dave Buttons.

• 36:42Dax Shepard?

  I'm Dave Buttons. And Barton goes, no, I'm Dave Barton. And for some reason, neither of them can hear that it's two different names. The guy keeps going, this man's trying to check into my name. I'm the real Dave Buttons.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  I think it was Carrie, because I remember hearing this story.

• 36:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. And Barton was like, I'm the real Dave Barton. It was insane, but the best part was, we get into our room, and of course, all of our luggage is there. His is not there, and there's an airbrushed suitcase in our room. And Barton's like, he just can't figure out where his bag is. It's so weird that it... And I go, Barton, clearly Dave Buttons has your bag. This is Dave.

• 37:17Speaker 01

  Maybe it was. It's so hard sometimes whether you know if you were there, or you just heard the story so many times.

• 37:22Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we don't know either. We've been wrestling with that a lot. But anyways, I pick up the phone. The room's registered to Dave. And I said, I swear to God. I call up and I go, hi, can I be connected to Dave Buttons' room? And they go, sir, you're in Dave Buttons' room. And I go, no, I'm in Dave Barton's room. And they go, oh, yes, sorry, you are in Dave Barton's. So then, they patch me through to Dave Buttons' room, and he picks up, he's like, hello? And I go, Buttons, it's Barton. Yeah, I go, do you have a bag in your room? Because we have an ex-wife, and he's like, yes, I do. Okay, what's the room number?

• 37:57Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 37:57Dax Shepard?

  So you are in Dave Button's room.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  You're calling from Dave Button's room.

• 38:01Speaker 01

  Now I'm really feeling like I was definitely there. Because I feel like that's basically the only thing we talked about for the rest of the trip.

• 38:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave Buttons. Okay, good, so you called him.

• 38:11Speaker 01

  No, I went up to Oregon and saw them.

• 38:13Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great.

• 38:14Speaker 01

  Just on a random trip that I went up there. But I went up there to see him.

• 38:17Dax Shepard?

  To see him.

• 38:18Speaker 01

  Was it 2016, maybe?

• 38:20Dax Shepard?

  You know, I'm so fucking bad with dates. But what I remember is that I had taken Lincoln at three years old to North Carolina, just her and I. And then when Delta turned three, I was like, I'm gonna take you to Michigan. It was like springish summer. That trip was planned, and then I ended up kind of last minute going to see my mom in Barton. And when I was there, things were quite untenable and bad. I had to like, talk to the hospice woman and find out. I don't know what you want me to say or not want me to say.

• 38:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, what's legal here? I go to Oregon, right? Is it legal there?

• 38:51Dax Shepard?

  It's legal, but he would have had to. You can go get it, but you gotta go in person and prove you're mentally sound. And he was intending to do that, and he missed his window. All of a sudden, he was just stuck in bed and he couldn't go. So I said to the woman, I don't know what you want me to say or not say. And she said, don't worry, I've been in this situation lots. What I'm gonna say, I heard you ask, is how can we keep him very comfortable? So let me show you the schedule of drugs that is, you have to do it this way. And these are the ones that are at your discretion as he needs it. And she kind of walked me through what's gonna get measured at the end, what's not, what's wussy goosey. And said, I'll be back. And then, at one point, he was unconscious, but he was foaming, and my mom was freaking out. And she came back, and I was like, what are you, he's foaming in the morning? She's like, don't worry, I have drops for that, let me go get drops. So it was interesting, I was like, all unspoken.

• 39:35Dax Shepard?

  I then left there, and immediately, I just flew to LA, went home, grabbed Delta, brought her back, got on a plane, and went to Detroit. And on that flight to Detroit with her, I was like... Holy cow, that was a crazy three days. Cause it took a couple of days, two and a half days. It was gnarly. Why did I even bring that up?

• 39:54Speaker 01

  I know, cause I saw him, cause anyway, regrets.

• 39:56Dax Shepard?

  Do you think you would have been nervous to call my dad? Cause it would have felt disrespectful to Kristen?

• 40:00Speaker 01

  Yes, that was a hundred percent the case. Actually, it was so sweet. There was like, it must have been on social media at some, some point where you guys were all in the hospital. And that's the only way I even knew it was close to the end was because of this. And I had a really strong desire to reach out at that time.

• 40:18Dax Shepard?

  Kristen was pregnant.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  Kristen was pregnant and like we'd just been able to tell him. And I was like, this just isn't.

• 40:23Dax Shepard?

  Let me ask you this. Is Brad friendly with his exes?

• 40:26Speaker 01

  No.

• 40:27Dax Shepard?

  Right. And either is Kristen. And so I think initially, when Kristen and I started dating, you were still coming over a lot, cause my mom was living at my house. You were around even in like the first month or two we were dating. And she initially was like, this is really wild. Like, I'm not friends with any of my exes. I don't hang out with any of my exes. And I'm like, I'm friends with all mine, pretty much. Over time, she got super comfortable with it and absolutely at ease with it. But it is interesting. There's been a couple of moments where I was like, oh, is that potentially hurtful? Like, I did a live show in Seattle and I of course invited your parents.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  Yes, they were very excited.

• 41:03Dax Shepard?

  And I had the sweetest time with your dad imaginable. And I just love him so much. I would say like, oh, I'm inviting Bree's parents to show them. I'm like, is that one gonna be a thing? It is interesting when you extend it out, maybe it's a little trickier, like the parents thing.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  Definitely. I mean, I've talked to your mom over the years.

• 41:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:20Speaker 01

  Here and there, or if she's been in town and had lunch. Losing the relationship with your mom was one of the hardest parts. Cause I remember when we went to therapy, initially like, sort of like, let's work this out. And immediately he was sort of like, you know, I know my job is to keep people together, but I very clearly see this as me helping you guys break up.

• 41:39Dax Shepard?

  A healthy disillusionment.

• 41:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. But I feel like we worked that out, you know, with help and all that. And it felt very natural.

• 41:46Dax Shepard?

  I think we should even back up. My best friend when I was in Washington was your ex-boyfriend, Aaron.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:52Dax Shepard?

  And when you were in Michigan, your best friend was my ex-girlfriend, Carrie.

• 41:55Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, love Carrie. Well, and Michelle, all that whole crew, but also with your mom.

• 42:00Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I'm only pointing out like you and I were already always very comfortable with that. And you and I were both the kind of people that stay friends with our exes.

• 42:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, it just doesn't matter. But yes, I definitely felt that Kristen, I didn't want to step on Kristen's toes.

• 42:14Dax Shepard?

  Well, I think that's very sweet that you felt like missing my mom would be a big one.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was a big deal.

• 42:20Dax Shepard?

  Cause she loves you so much.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  You know, I mean, like, I was so young and for so long, she was very much a mom figure to me. I still love Laura Bowes.

• 42:29Speaker 02

  Who doesn't?

• 42:30Dax Shepard?

  Do you know that Bree's husband Brad and Kristen went on a date in college?

• 42:34Speaker 01

  Did they not go on? No, she was dating one of his friends.

• 42:37Dax Shepard?

  She thinks they went on a date.

• 42:39Speaker 01

  I mean, he'll like that.

• 42:40Dax Shepard?

  She tells people, you should tell him.

• 42:43Speaker 01

  I mean, maybe they, maybe he's cute, but she was dating someone.

• 42:47Dax Shepard?

  That he was good friends with?

• 42:48Speaker 01

  That he was friends with.

• 42:49Dax Shepard?

  Maybe that came after.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  It could have.

• 42:51Dax Shepard?

  She thinks they went on a date.

• 42:52Speaker 01

  I like it.

• 42:53Dax Shepard?

  She doesn't think anything really happened, but she thinks she went on a date.

• 42:56Speaker 02

  How could that possibly happen in this universe with that many people?

• 43:00Speaker 01

  There's so many random weird, I mean, super fan Kristen, but I like see similarities between us.

• 43:07Dax Shepard?

  You and Kristen, which ones?

• 43:10Speaker 01

  Just kindness and beauty and intelligence. No, I'm kidding.

• 43:15Dax Shepard?

  No, but you know what quality you both have, which is super, super hardworking, hot.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:23Dax Shepard?

  Great moms.

• 43:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:24Dax Shepard?

  No, something that you guys have that I value so much is I think you two, above any other people I've ever met, you have your opinions and your position, but you're really able to listen to another point of view and consider it and integrate it. Neither of you guys are like stuck. You're very fluid.

• 43:44Speaker 01

  I would agree with that about myself.

• 43:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 43:46Speaker 01

  I know Kristen well enough to know.

• 43:48Dax Shepard?

  For me, it's an imperative quality, because I'm most interested in going like, oh, I feel this way. Okay, now I'm gonna really make myself try to believe I'm a Republican and I think that's killing a baby. Okay, yeah, I get that. If you think that's killing a baby, that's gotta be your number one issue. You gotta stop killing babies. That's gotta be above tariffs and everything else. I get it. They'll go like, well, he's racist, but yeah, but if you're evaluating racism against killing a baby, that's a very simple decision. So I love spending time thinking that way. And I think if I was just with someone who's like, knowing this.

• 44:22Speaker 01

  It's gotta be this way. But I do think it is a funny small world, even that they went to college and ran in the same circles.

• 44:27Dax Shepard?

  It's impossible. But I also think it was like helpful in Kristen opening up to the notion that you could be trusted and be friends. I think the fact that your partner was a guy she liked.

• 44:40Speaker 01

  Oh, sure.

• 44:41Dax Shepard?

  Was interesting. I felt like that was a good thing.

• 44:43Speaker 01

  I think it was really that she wanted to get her hands on Mac. She was really willing to really put anything aside in order to get a piece of that.

• 44:50Dax Shepard?

  That's true. That was also a big building moment, is that.

• 44:54Speaker 01

  I mean, you guys had him for like six months.

• 44:56Dax Shepard?

  Did we? Is that the longest we had him?

• 44:59Speaker 01

  You had him the whole time we were in Australia.

• 45:01Dax Shepard?

  God, I loved Mac so much.

• 45:03Speaker 01

  No, and I remember being, she like used him for sort of larky things on the internet.

• 45:08Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  Like he was like always doing dumb shit.

• 45:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he was an influencer when he was with her. As he was always meant to be. Yeah. Oh, talk about the craziest, like the world's too small. I was in New York with Kristen. We're walking down the street and there's a guy on a bicycle and in a basket, he has a little Brussels Griffon. And I stopped, as I always stop and look at Brussels Griffon because of Mac. And I'm looking at this dog and I'm like, it's Mac.

• 45:38Speaker 02

  What?

• 45:38Dax Shepard?

  I go, man, this dog looks so much like this little Brussels I watch sometimes named Mac. And he immediately goes, wait, Mac? Who was the girl who originally?

• 45:48Speaker 01

  Margarita LaViva, who's doing a show with Brad right now.

• 45:50Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 45:51Speaker 01

  And we got to sit down and talk about Mac for like an hour a few weeks ago. She's on Daredevil. She remembers the moment. It's funny because I felt like I had stolen him from her.

• 46:01Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes, yes. Because she was away on a movie, yeah.

• 46:03Speaker 01

  I knew he was supposed to be with you.

• 46:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, Bill, he was DLB. Number one dog of all time.

• 46:11Speaker 02

  So this was Mac or?

• 46:12Dax Shepard?

  It was Mac's brother.

• 46:14Speaker 01

  Brother.

• 46:15Dax Shepard?

  And I go, he goes, wait, Mac, who? Bree adopted and I'm like, yes. And lo and behold, Mac used to be a New Yorker. And then Bree took him to New York, which is one of your funniest stories. And you say you took him outside of the hotel and set him down in the garden. You know, he was this big.

• 46:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:31Dax Shepard?

  And he just immediately was like, that's right. And he was struck around New York as it was his city.

• 46:38Speaker 01

  I mean, he strutted around everywhere. He walked across the stage at UCLA.

• 46:42Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, he walked across, I had him tucked away in my, he'd been to Disney World. I took him on the Gravitron.

• 46:50Dax Shepard?

  You can't bring a dog to Disney World, can you?

• 46:51Speaker 01

  Yes. No, I snuck him in.

• 46:52Dax Shepard?

  Oh, right. But you're not formally allowed to. Okay, great. That's great.

• 46:56Speaker 01

  He went everywhere. The Gravitron was really when Brad was like, okay, babe. Like, I don't think he wants to be on the Gravitron. Rest aside.

• 47:04Dax Shepard?

  He's not gonna enjoy the Gravitron. Was Brad instantly at ease with us being friends?

• 47:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, I feel like because he came in, we were already friends.

• 47:13Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 47:14Speaker 01

  So it didn't really, yeah, I don't remember it ever bothering him.

• 47:16Dax Shepard?

  He's so radical.

• 47:17Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. He's the best.

• 47:19Dax Shepard?

  Now, do we have any overlap?

• 47:20Speaker 01

  With what?

• 47:21Dax Shepard?

  Like, you and Kristen share that thing. Do Brad and I share anything? He's very ambitious.

• 47:26Speaker 01

  He is very ambitious.

• 47:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 47:28Speaker 01

  Very smart.

• 47:29Dax Shepard?

  I always said you should have started a tailing agency because you found me and I always, the direction was strong.

• 47:34Speaker 01

  No, same. And Brad's like, I picked you up in a Honda Civic. And like, literally did not have a job. He just uncovered a picture, because we were looking for pictures of Maisy for her bat mitzvah and stuff. And he uncovered a picture of me installing a toilet paper roll holder at his apartment. Because he didn't even have a toilet paper roll holder. So I went to Home Depot, bought him a screwdriver and like, put it in.

• 47:57Dax Shepard?

  You know, her husband, who she met, who was penniless, he was doing EPK, maybe, running a video camera on Iron Man?

• 48:03Speaker 01

  He was the producer's assistant, like, getting coffee and. But he also, by the way, had an Emmy at that time. He had like a webby and an Emmy for web content.

• 48:11Dax Shepard?

  But now it's Kevin Feige and him at Marvel. He's like the baddest motherfucker at Marvel. So when we broke up, I think, certainly in retrospect, it was time for that.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:23Dax Shepard?

  Amicable as it could be when you're with someone that long.

• 48:25Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 48:26Dax Shepard?

  So like, the breakup was manageable, but I will say, for a while, I did think, well, I'll never be in love with someone again. In that way, I had a deep fear. I'm like, oh, I don't think I'll ever really feel the way I felt about Bree with anybody. I was quite scared of that.

• 48:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think it's so funny because for me. It basically was that I fell in love with someone.

• 48:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 48:49Speaker 01

  While we were dating.

• 48:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 48:51Speaker 01

  And was sort of like, oh shit, I can't do both things.

• 48:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  But I actually very quickly did not like that guy after that.

• 48:59Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 48:59Speaker 01

  So sometimes I wonder like, did I just let myself get tangled up in those feelings in order to do what I knew was going to serve me ultimately, which was that we needed to not be together. And I don't know what to, if you have an open relationship with someone for so long, can you go back and then not?

• 49:19Dax Shepard?

  Can you go back and not?

• 49:20Speaker 01

  And then not have an open relationship?

• 49:22Dax Shepard?

  Oh, right. Well, I will say, so ours was, I would say by all accounts, quite successful to go nine years open.

• 49:28Speaker 01

  Absolutely. Four years for me.

• 49:32Dax Shepard?

  This is terrible news.

• 49:36Dax Shepard?

  Whole round of guilt tonight.

• 49:37Speaker 01

  No, no, because I did actually. What's so funny is, again, I think that there's like, I don't really get mad.

• 49:44Dax Shepard?

  No, I know.

• 49:45Speaker 01

  Or I just don't really like, I just think that the whole...

• 49:47Dax Shepard?

  Great qualities and a kind of a sad point.

• 49:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, but the whole human experience is so complicated. Why would you waste any time like begrudging someone?

• 49:55Dax Shepard?

  When I look back, there's really nothing I regret. But I will say, I can see the things that also fueled you and I, which is like, I think for myself, I was inclined to be smarter and transcendent of this thing that lesser smart people were trapped in.

• 50:13Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 50:14Dax Shepard?

  If that makes any sense.

• 50:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay.

• 50:15Dax Shepard?

  Like, I like the idea, when I'm crafting my story of who I am, that other people succumb to this and I don't. I'm above this.

• 50:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:25Dax Shepard?

  Like, yes, my girlfriend may like other boys at times.

• 50:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:29Dax Shepard?

  But I can handle that and I'm kind of above that.

• 50:32Speaker 01

  I think I felt the same way about that.

• 50:34Dax Shepard?

  I don't remember any being mad at you ever, really. I mean, we had some fights when we were drunk.

• 50:39Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 50:40Dax Shepard?

  Us drunk was a bad combo.

• 50:42Speaker 01

  Which was hard because we were drunk a lot.

• 50:43Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes, we were drunk a lot. But I think in general, we didn't, we almost never, ever, ever fought. Yeah, our relationship was like Aaron and I's friendship. It was just never fought.

• 50:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't really get infensed. I just don't really get... Mad.

• 50:57Dax Shepard?

  When I think back of that period, my whole twenties, where it was like, I had moved to this state to do this thing, and I was failing at it. I was pretty certain I was gonna continue to fail at it. Like, I wasn't optimistic about it. The kind of burden of my, ambition's not a good enough word for it, but just, I have to do something special. I have to be special. Everyone has thought I was special growing up, and I have to deliver. And like, the weight of that was quite intense. Did you have that?

• 51:27Speaker 01

  No.

• 51:28Dax Shepard?

  Okay, cuz when you're saying that cancer was pleasurable, I relate, but I relate in the way that I would have an excuse to like, take my foot off the gas and not have to evaluate how much I'm doing and am I achieving my potential and all that. But that's not what was comforting to you about it.

• 51:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, no.

• 51:43Dax Shepard?

  Doesn't make any sense?

• 51:44Speaker 01

  It does make sense, because I know a lot of it's like-

• 51:46Dax Shepard?

  Cuz you had the drive to go get all As, but you didn't feel this enormous-

• 51:49Speaker 01

  Sure, but that's, I think, also because I think, truly, truly, truly, I wish I had just stayed in school and had been like, an English professor, because I really just like, working in the world of ideas, talking, thinking about the way people think. That's why I love reading so much, cuz it's really just looking inside people's brains.

• 52:05Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 52:06Speaker 01

  And just listening to all their deepest inner thoughts, and that's my favorite thing to do. Or like, I wish I would've become a therapist or something. But I remember when I was working for Gavin and Greg.

• 52:16Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 52:16Speaker 01

  I was really like, okay, I'm supposed to have ambition now. I'm supposed to like, do something in this industry. I'm smart. I owe it to the world to like, make it. But I never knew what making it looked like for me. Like, you knew you wanted to be a comedian. You wanted to get the most laughs. You wanted to have the biggest audience.

• 52:31Dax Shepard?

  Right, right, right.

• 52:32Speaker 01

  I never really knew what making it looked like.

• 52:35Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 52:35Speaker 01

  Cuz I didn't have a goal. My goal was always just like, I wanna be wherever I am, and talking to the people that I'm talking to.

• 52:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 52:42Speaker 01

  And getting into it.

• 52:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 52:44Speaker 01

  Which is also, I think, one of the things I really liked about drinking, is because it's so funny how many people are so sad that I don't drink. So sad. Like, so sad.

• 52:53Dax Shepard?

  Sure. You're a good time.

• 52:54Speaker 01

  They're just like, ugh. Like, it's almost as if my drinking gave them permission to have a good time.

• 53:01Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 53:01Speaker 01

  And it's so hilarious to me, so I'm like, on the one hand, I'm like, well, thank God they're not like, oh, God, you know, she really needed a clue. You know, like it wasn't like.

• 53:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, if people aren't going, phew.

• 53:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, no, great idea. But it is funny to me because I'm like, no, one of my gifts is really just being in the moment with the people that I'm with.

• 53:19Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 53:19Speaker 01

  And alcohol especially can loosen people up to go deeper with themselves and with the people around them.

• 53:26Dax Shepard?

  You're almost committing to the hang because you're like, well, we're gonna be drunk in a little bit. And then we can't go to work or go exercise.

• 53:32Speaker 01

  No, I sit here and just keep shooting the shit.

• 53:34Dax Shepard?

  Yes, we have no other choice.

• 53:35Speaker 01

  I'll stay up all night and shoot the shit.

• 53:36Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 53:36Speaker 01

  And that's what's so great now is when I'm around the bonfire with my family and things. I'm still the last one up. I'm still talking to everybody. And what I've also realized, so my daughter's bat mitzvah was just this Saturday.

• 53:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 53:48Speaker 01

  And my Gigi, my grandma, Winkle, she was famously sober for many years. But she's always like, all right, it's fine. As long as you start out sober with everybody, you'll just feel as drunk as everybody else by the end of the night. She's like, you just can't go into it.

• 54:03Dax Shepard?

  Right, you can't show up where everyone's hammered.

• 54:05Speaker 01

  No, so even by the end of the night, I'm now seeing that more and more. I'm getting more validation that that's the case.

• 54:10Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 54:11Speaker 01

  And it loosens my grip on feeling like I'm supposed to participate in that way. Because I feel like, oh, I'm still bringing every bit as much as I was bringing to the table as I was before. More so. And I get to wake up and remember it and like have more fun and feel great the next day.

• 54:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, feeling great in the morning was such a rare.

• 54:27Speaker 02

  It doesn't annoy you at all?

• 54:28Speaker 01

  Like when people get really super wasted? Yeah.

• 54:31Speaker 02

  And staying up all night with them.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  You know, it just depends. Not with my family, like I still like it because like my brain is mily needed to know these people so well at this stage of drunkenness too, you know, that I just like fall right into some of the same conversations that we still need to have, you know, many, many years later. It doesn't annoy me that much. It definitely annoys me sometimes when people are, you know, a little too drunk. But then I just go to bed and that's why they're disappointed.

• 54:57Dax Shepard?

  Let me answer you this. There's kind of a cliche, but I think there's some merit to it that girls fall harder, but guys fall longer. There's something about the pattern. We just had an expert on like, women end more relationships than guys end relationships. That was interesting to me. Girls tend to break up with boys more than boys break up with girls.

• 55:18Speaker 01

  Is that because the girl has another option?

• 55:21Dax Shepard?

  I don't know what the explanation is.

• 55:23Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 55:24Dax Shepard?

  Where I'm going with this is, we broke up. Well, I was just very disoriented for a while. I remember an exact moment where I was just very disoriented for a while. And I was shooting a movie in New York City, staying at the Maritime Hotel. And there's this, a great Italian restaurant downstairs and it's outside. And I was out there in New York City by myself and I was single. And even though we were in an open relationship, I obviously never felt single.

• 55:50Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 55:50Dax Shepard?

  I wouldn't have taken anyone on a date. And I just had this moment and we had been broken up for probably, maybe a year at that point. And I remember going, oh, this is fun. I'm single in New York City and I work two days a week. And it kind of lifted a bit. But the part that didn't lift for me, and I'm curious if you relate at all, is what was hugely important to me always from the moment we broke up is, I pray she meets someone that she falls in love with. I just thought about it a lot and I was just so hopeful that you would find someone that you loved a lot again.

• 56:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:28Dax Shepard?

  And I just remember being so happy about Brad.

• 56:33Speaker 01

  No, Brad, no, everyone's so happy about, I mean, I was so happy. So, one of the hardest things about when we broke up was that I really had my head around, we were gonna have kids.

• 56:45Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 56:45Speaker 01

  We had a house now, like it was gonna be this thing that I wanted, I was getting on in years. You know, like these were the things.

• 56:51Dax Shepard?

  Well, we had always said, oh, when you turn 30.

• 56:53Speaker 01

  30, yeah, we're gonna go for it. So it was like around that time. I mean, I met Brad on my 30th birthday. But I think I was like 28 or 29 when we were like, kind of bringing, anyway, I was like, I'm gonna find. And I kept dating people who.

• 57:06Dax Shepard?

  At civics?

• 57:07Speaker 01

  No, I was like trying to date people who like had some scratch.

• 57:11Dax Shepard?

  Were established.

• 57:12Speaker 01

  And were already established and it just wasn't working. And I was like, I need to be in love, like I have to be in love. I'm a real romantic. So when I met Brad and was like very much swept off my feet, never looked back. We went straight. You know, we'd always just say, one, two, three, we're married and made it happen. I was like, no, it was so great. But I think it was so funny is I was really worried about losing the thing I wanted for my future was great family.

• 57:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, right.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  And also I think that went into like losing your mom and feeling like, well, that's my, you know.

• 57:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Well, I had the same thing in that I was a bit panicked because I was thirty two when I met Kristen. I was thinking like, I'm supposed to be getting you pregnant right now. My timeline was like at thirty two, that was gonna start. And I was like, well, I have to date someone for at least a couple of years before I have kids. I gotta find out if they're really good. I gotta live with them, all that. And I used to remember feeling very pressured about that. One, I was dating before I met Kristen. I was like, if three weeks I thought, this isn't like a huge, I'm like out.

• 58:12Speaker 01

  Oh, I was going through on.

• 58:13Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 58:14Speaker 01

  And, you know, with the high bar.

• 58:16Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes, yes, yes. Word.

• 58:19Speaker 02

  Ah, you guys were throwing the same thing.

• 58:23Dax Shepard?

  Were you ever worried like, boy, I hope he falls in love again?

• 58:28Dax Shepard?

  I have a hunch not.

• 58:29Speaker 01

  I mean, I don't think.

• 58:30Dax Shepard?

  Which I think is good.

• 58:31Speaker 01

  I didn't think about it much, but because I guess from my perspective, because your career was really sort of meteoric in that moment. And it also just felt like I couldn't keep up with that. So like, I sometimes felt like, well, we didn't just break up because of X, Y, Z. It was also. I didn't know how to keep up with this new, really big thing that was happening in your life.

• 58:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 58:50Speaker 01

  And I didn't really know where I fit.

• 58:52Dax Shepard?

  I was so bad at that. I was very bad at letting you feel like it was our money.

• 58:57Speaker 01

  No, definitely was not ours. And I don't, and I don't think it was.

• 59:01Dax Shepard?

  It's definitely not.

• 59:02Speaker 01

  I remember like buying a dress for a premiere, to go to one of your premieres and going to a thrift store and not feeling like I could really afford the dress that I wanted.

• 59:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh, no.

• 59:16Speaker 01

  Which is fine because I think.

• 59:17Dax Shepard?

  It's not fine. It's regrettable.

• 59:19Speaker 02

  Is your girlfriend a homeless?

• 59:23Dax Shepard?

  You should really get your assistant a nicer dress. My assistant, that's my wife.

• 59:30Dax Shepard?

  Why are you in a tuxedo?

• 59:34Speaker 01

  No, but because, but to me, the joke was always, I'm in really good company because you were dating all these, you know, hot celebrities, gals. I was never thinking you were gonna fall in love. You were freaking hanging out with, you know, these big time. I was like, okay.

• 59:48Dax Shepard?

  You have anything you might have thought like, this guy might end up with Natalie Portman.

• 59:51Speaker 01

  No, I know, your real true dream.

• 59:55Speaker 02

  What do you got here? What number?

• 59:56Speaker 01

  I do.

• 59:57Speaker 02

  Forty-five.

• 59:59Speaker 01

  So how many episodes are you guys doing of this?

• 1:00:01Speaker 02

  Twelve.

• 1:00:02Speaker 01

  Twelve?

• 1:00:03Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 1:00:03Speaker 01

  Is it all old blast from the past?

• 1:00:05Speaker 02

  This is the last one.

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  Ooh, last one that'll be. Did you have Tim?

• 1:00:09Speaker 02

  We did have Tim Lovestead. We had Nate, Kristin, Monica, Jackie Tone, Kristen's friend.

• 1:00:16Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:00:16Speaker 02

  From their new show too. Tim Simons?

• 1:00:19Dax Shepard?

  You know him. Oh, no, you don't watch TV. I was gonna say Veet, really tall.

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Oh, I do know. I actually did watch Kristen's show.

• 1:00:26Dax Shepard?

  Did you like it?

• 1:00:27Speaker 01

  I did. Nobody wants that.

• 1:00:28Dax Shepard?

  Aaron and I watched it together in Texas.

• 1:00:31Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:00:32Dax Shepard?

  We were down in the bus going from grocery store to grocery store to meet people for Ted Seekers.

• 1:00:37Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:00:38Dax Shepard?

  And we put it on in that first kiss, right down there on the sidewalk.

• 1:00:43Speaker 02

  We both got heated up.

• 1:00:45Dax Shepard?

  It happened and I paused it and I go, what do you think of that kiss? And Aaron's like, that was incredible.

• 1:00:51Speaker 01

  No, that kiss was famous.

• 1:00:53Dax Shepard?

  It's like the, maybe the best kiss I've ever seen in a movie.

• 1:00:56Speaker 01

  They did a great, really great act.

• 1:00:58Dax Shepard?

  They did.

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  Excellent acting.

• 1:01:01Speaker 02

  Acting.

• 1:01:01Speaker 01

  Really good acting.

• 1:01:03Dax Shepard?

  And Aaron goes, has she ever kissed you like that? And I go, no. And he goes, I don't know who I want to kiss me more, her or him.

• 1:01:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, I just wanna be involved in that.

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:01:22Dax Shepard?

  Get me in. So you will watch the ones where like everyone's talking about it. You kinda have to watch it.

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  I mean, I like Aaron and Sarah Foster. I had sort of followed them loosely on social media because a really good friend of mine worked for a company that did the whole favorite daughter thing and really still like free stuff.

• 1:01:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:40Speaker 01

  It's like free koozies.

• 1:01:41Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 1:01:43Speaker 01

  Get your fucking koozie!

• 1:01:47Dax Shepard?

  I want a koozie! I want a keychain. What you got?

• 1:01:53Dax Shepard?

  You guys watch, I don't know if you remember this, but Josh and I wrote a sketch about that.

• 1:01:57Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:01:58Dax Shepard?

  We want a frisbee. Like all the things the guys want. It was like, you gotta, you gotta maintain washing machines back there.

• 1:02:07Speaker 01

  But I got a bunch of free T-shirts from that company for part of their campaign. And I'd followed them. So because I just sort of followed them and I never knew she was a writer, producer, Erin Foster. So when she did it and then I saw Kristen was in it, I was like, oh, I gotta watch that.

• 1:02:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I'll give this a shot.

• 1:02:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'll give this a shot.

• 1:02:23Dax Shepard?

  And thank God, because every single human being was talking about it.

• 1:02:25Speaker 01

  I mean, I actually watch everything Kristen's in. And not in a weird, but I really love The Good Place.

• 1:02:31Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 1:02:31Speaker 01

  She just has good taste, you know?

• 1:02:33Dax Shepard?

  And she's insanely talented.

• 1:02:35Speaker 01

  Yes, no, I know. So I only watch the best things and she's in all of the best things.

• 1:02:39Dax Shepard?

  Well, can I tell you the thing that I think that you guys have the most? It's just how I feel.

• 1:02:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:44Dax Shepard?

  Which is I admire both of you so much. And I realize it's a rare thing to get in a partner is that I just admire you so much. I like who you are so much.

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  That's so nice.

• 1:02:57Dax Shepard?

  You're just one of the greats of all time. I'm glad our lives worked out so well.

• 1:03:01Speaker 01

  Me too. We did a good job.

• 1:03:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it all worked out. Well, I love you. I'm so happy you did this. This was so fun.

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  It was fun.

• 1:03:09Dax Shepard?

  And I think your short curly hair is very cute.

• 1:03:11Speaker 01

  I know, it's so funny.

• 1:03:12Dax Shepard?

  It's so fun.

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  It's so funny. I like it's my David Hasselhoff era, but I also look like, well, I kind of look like a Blanche and Dorothy.

• 1:03:22Dax Shepard?

  I'm Blanche and Dorothy.

• 1:03:25Speaker 01

  Dorothy.