Pod Insights Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Armchair Anonymous: Party Gone Wrong About this episode Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a party gone wrong.
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Transcript 12,599 words · 7 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Dax Shepard? Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Buck Rogers.
0:05 Speaker 01 Hi, it's me.
0:06 Dax Shepard? I think when I say Buck Rogers, you should go like you should have a go to.
0:11 Speaker 01 Okay, well, I need to think about it.
0:13 Dax Shepard? Okay, work on it. Workshop it.
0:15 Speaker 01 I will.
0:16 Dax Shepard? Today's anonymous is Party Gone Wrong. Think triple, like, no, what was that movie XX? Think Hangover, think.
0:25 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah. What's XX?
0:27 Dax Shepard? Project X.
0:28 Speaker 01 Oh, I don't know it.
0:29 Dax Shepard? It was a Todd Phillips produced movie about a backyard party that goes insane.
0:33 Speaker 01 Oh, boy. Okay.
0:34 Dax Shepard? These deliver.
0:36 Speaker 01 They're, they're really good.
0:37 Dax Shepard? We will definitely have to do a Party Gone Wrong part two.
0:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:39 Dax Shepard? Yeah. Please enjoy parties that have gone wrong. We get support from Quince.
0:45 Speaker 01 I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.
0:54 Dax Shepard? I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince, because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up. And everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.
1:16 Speaker 01 $60. $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories, they skip the middlemen, and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.
1:34 Dax Shepard? The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time and he looks iconic.
1:43 Speaker 01 It's a uniform.
1:45 Dax Shepard? Mm-hmm.
1:45 Speaker 01 And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully designed furniture. You can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.
2:03 Dax Shepard? Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. We get support from AG1. Fall is that time when your body and mind are getting ready for the winter. You're settling in, bracing for the cold. Your body's already running a deficit from the shorter days and broken sleep patterns. You don't want a nutrient deficit stacked on top of that, too.
2:39 Speaker 01 That's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time. It's giving your body what it needs so the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start. One scoop cold water every morning before anything else.
2:51 Dax Shepard? AG1 Next Gen has 75 plus ingredients, vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics, superfoods, backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials. Key nutrient levels improved with three months of consistent use.
3:05 Speaker 01 That's the part people miss. It's not a one day fix. It's what happens when you stay consistent.
3:09 Dax Shepard? It's an easy, everyday thing. I've added it to my morning routine and I'm going to tell you, I actually love the taste of it. It's like Pavlovian. I drink it and I know, mm, I'm going to get that little vitamin buzz.
3:20 Speaker 01 Well, that's also the thing. When you do it first thing in the morning, you already feel kind of self-esteem because you're like, I already did something good for myself.
3:27 Dax Shepard? Yes. Go to drinkag1.com/dax and for a limited time, get a free immunity bundle, including a bottle of omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D3 K2 with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/dax. And after checkout, be sure to let them know that Armchair Experts sent you.
4:11 Dax Shepard? Is this Sandy?
4:12 Speaker 02 Hi, yes, it's Sandy.
4:14 Dax Shepard? We were just talking about the unisex-ality. How do you say that? Unisex-ness, unisex nature of Sandy.
4:22 Dax Shepard? To go either way.
4:23 Speaker 02 There's a little bit of a with this story, so it'll be revealed.
4:28 Dax Shepard? Where are you?
4:29 Speaker 02 I'm in the Pacific Northwest, but my story is in Montana where I grew up.
4:33 Dax Shepard? Okay, in a rural area or in one of the cities?
4:37 Speaker 02 In a small town.
4:38 Speaker 01 A mountain town.
4:39 Speaker 02 Small mountain town.
4:40 Speaker 01 Beautiful.
4:41 Dax Shepard? What a wonderful setting for a party going wrong.
4:43 Speaker 02 Yeah, this happened about fifteen, twenty years ago, my senior year of high school graduation weekend. So it was a small Montana town where I grew up and it's really beautiful there. So it tends to attract pretty big local kind of blue collar population. And then it attracts a lot of kind of early retirees who are going there to build their like lodge home, finish raising their kids, recreate that kind of stuff.
5:06 Dax Shepard? And then do you have like river raft people and snowboarders and all those too?
5:11 Speaker 02 The granola people who are kind of in and out of college doing the guide life.
5:15 Speaker 01 I like using recreate as a verb.
5:18 Dax Shepard? Yeah, well Sandy has a very good vocabulary.
5:20 Speaker 01 I know, I'm gonna use that.
5:22 Dax Shepard? It feels adjacent to conversate.
5:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, I like it.
5:26 Dax Shepard? Okay, so fifteen years ago, adorable little town, mostly blue collar. We got some snow, oh no, they're the opposite of snowbirds, snow seekers.
5:33 Speaker 02 The recreators.
5:34 Dax Shepard? The recreators, yeah, yeah.
5:35 Speaker 02 High school was pretty small, just over four hundred people in total. So my graduating class was like maybe a hundred. So there was definitely some tense socioeconomic undertones at the high school. My car was like a seventy seven Volvo, just old kind of beater. And then there were kids with like brand new SUVs and there was just a little bit of that going on in the social dynamics. So it was grad weekend and we were kind of partying all weekend. And this particular party was a backwoods sort of bonfire. So everyone drove a little ways out of town, down like a single lane, little dirt road, a couple of miles. And then there's a huge fire just out in the middle of nowhere. So my best friend and I headed to the party and we parked in kind of a clearing, a little ways up the road from where the bonfire was happening. And that's where most people were parked.
6:19 Speaker 02 We were about a five minute walk away, get to the fire, there are a few cars there.
6:24 Dax Shepard? Imagining this predates drop a pin. Like, how the fuck are you finding this two-track?
6:30 Speaker 02 Pretty sure I had a Motorola Razr or something. No cell service. So it was just like, there's a party out in the woods behind so-and-so's house. And then you'd be like, okay, well, we're at so-and-so's house. And someone would know. And then you'd follow them and you'd kind of just get there eventually.
6:45 Dax Shepard? I just want to point out that that's a fun part of the adventure of being a hillbilly. Where I grew up too, there were field parties and same thing. It's like, wait, the two-track road on the end of Middle Road or the one behind?
6:55 Speaker 02 Just when you feel like you're not getting there, you're in the wrong place, you pull around a random corner and there's 50 people you know, being dumb and running around.
7:02 Dax Shepard? You start the party with a big reward of accomplishment. It's a good foot to start out.
7:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, you're like, we're here.
7:08 Dax Shepard? We did it. We found it.
7:09 Speaker 02 We walked down this road, there are a few cars parked to the side, kind of like get to the fire and just join the crowd. Night kind of goes on a couple hours in, it's like party climax. Everyone's a little bit drunk. People are going off into the woods to hook up, going into cars to hook up, going out to pee, coming and going. And it's just sort of mayhem. And I was walking back to the fire, like along the road with my own hookup, who I'm gonna call Danny for this little Grease reference.
7:35 Dax Shepard? And did you guys choose the woods or a car?
7:38 Speaker 02 A car. Started in the woods, moved to a car.
7:40 Dax Shepard? Oh, wow. Exciting. Multiple locations.
7:44 Speaker 02 We'd hooked up a little, a couple times leading up to this and had sealed the deal, I guess. And we're coming back down the road. We were immature. We were like 18. So it was just that awkward post-hookup feeling where you're like, get away from me. I don't know how to deal with this.
8:00 Dax Shepard? You want to see your girlfriends and tell them what just happened? You don't want to talk to him?
8:04 Speaker 02 The next time we get horny in a few weeks, then we'll talk. Yes, exactly. It was that vibe, not my boyfriend. As we're walking back, we can see the fire and all of a sudden there's a huge explosion. All of the woods are lit up. It's like broad daylight. You can see everyone all of a sudden and everyone just like freezes and then it's dark again. And one of the other grads had been gifted a brand-new SUV for her graduation and it was full of flames. There was just like flames inside of it. Between me and the fire pretty quickly. The car was engulfed in flames and the trees around it were starting to catch on fire. And people are just running around, chaos. A few people who could reach their cars got in their cars,
8:47 Speaker 02 but then before anyone could really leave, we could hear sirens. I'm assuming someone at the party or maybe a neighbor or someone heard this and called, I can't make it back to my car. A five minute walk away and out this road. That's a single lane dirt road for a few miles and we're all drunk. So Danny and I, we grab hands, just run away from the road, away from the fire, down this hill until we reach like a marshy area and we can't keep running. We just hunker down under a pine tree, kind of like in the bushes. We can still sort of see and hear what's going on on the road, but we're like out of view.
9:20 Dax Shepard? That was, I'm assuming to make sure that you don't see any cops when they arrive?
9:24 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah. Of course, we all hear sirens and none of us were like, hey, let's do something about this fire. We're just running away, trying not to get in trouble because now we're 18 and that felt scary and all of a sudden we're legal adults. So we're just trying to hide and everyone else just sort of dispersed, like people who had gotten in their cars just drove further off into the woods to avoid the whole situation. The firefighters arrive fairly quickly. They start doing their stuff and late June, Montana, it's still like in the 40s at night and I was in my early 2000s, couple layered tank tops, some skinny jeans, ready to just be hanging out by a fire and then go home. So after a while, Danny and I are sitting there, we're both like
10:05 Speaker 02 full body convulsing. We're so cold. So we end up, we're facing each other and I'm like straddling him so that we can get really close together and just hold on for dear life. Like his chin and head are like on my shoulder and vice versa. And we're just like that for hours. The firefighters were there until after dawn. Oh, my god.
10:24 Dax Shepard? Whoa, through the whole night?
10:25 Speaker 02 Yeah, they were there putting the car fire out and then also dealing with like a minor forest fire.
10:31 Dax Shepard? Okay. In a highly flammable, combustible area.
10:35 Speaker 02 Yeah, one tree connecting to the next.
10:38 Dax Shepard? Can I ask a quick question? Was there no talk of trying to make your way through the woods without going onto the road, but getting yourself back to your car? Or would that have just been impenetrable?
10:47 Speaker 02 We would have had to cross the road and for some reason that seemed, I don't remember what the logic was, but it was like, we have to stay here.
10:54 Dax Shepard? And did you guys start kissing again at any point?
10:56 Speaker 02 That's my question. Especially because you're nuzzling. I mean, it felt like we were survivors together. The eroticism was pretty
11:03 Dax Shepard? Okay.
11:03 Speaker 02 Low. For you.
11:05 Dax Shepard? A roaring forest fire behind you is very romantic.
11:07 Speaker 02 I know. I bet for him, he was hard.
11:09 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
11:12 Speaker 02 Yeah, maybe. At one point, because his head was right here and we were trying to be quiet, he whispered and he was like, I'm so sorry, I just can't hold it anymore. And he let out like the biggest, stinkiest tear fart. Oh.
11:26 Dax Shepard? Wow. Okay. So no wonder you guys didn't start kissing.
11:28 Speaker 02 Yeah. Oh. Dried up in the future, like what was gonna maybe be like a summer fling. This took a big turn.
11:36 Dax Shepard? Yeah, what a plot point.
11:38 Speaker 02 We're just soaking in this fart stink. Oh, no. Finally, after dawn, the firefighters left. We pulled an all nighter in there. Everyone's just slowly starts emerging from the woods back to where the fire was. We can like, walk back up to our cars and all of the trees around the fire were just burnt. Everything was smoking. The car, I don't know if the firefighters have taken parts of it with them, but it was literally just two axles and a ball of melted glass laying on the ground. There was nothing else left. And just like, it looked like a crater. It's amazing. Somebody didn't die or get hurt. Like, you know, one was in the car or close enough to it. So we walked back to where my car is parked and his car is in that area. He was like, oh, thanks for that. Oh, no.
12:23 Speaker 02 Walked away. It was very awkward.
12:25 Dax Shepard? Have you heard him fart like six more times? Like he had been trying all the
12:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, he was trying. Yeah, no, it was just the one big one and then like
12:34 Speaker 02 silence. And this is 20 years ago and I can tell you still know the smell. You remember it so vividly. Oh, my God. Yeah. The feeling in my body of just, I'm leaving this place now. Well, so then I got back to my car and my best friend had thought of sneaking through the woods and getting back to the cars. And I just hadn't showed up to drive us back home. So she was curled up on my backseat. And one of her feet was just a bare, bloody stump because she had been wearing flip flops. One had flown off. And when she was running through the woods and her foot just got mangled because in her panic, she like just kept running.
13:09 Dax Shepard? Ooh.
13:09 Speaker 02 Wow. We drove back home, woke my parents up when we got in because it was basically time to wake up anyway. And they just looked at us and we're like, you're not in a lot of trouble because at least you didn't drive in the middle of the night. And you're 18, so we want you to tell us about this kind of stuff, but like, go to bed. Yeah.
13:27 Dax Shepard? Now, did we ever find out how the fuck the SUV caught on fire and exploded? It was just that close to the bonfire? Or did one of these jealous, low-income kids?
13:38 Speaker 02 Oh my god, a Dax type. In Montana, you can just freely buy fireworks. And it was two weeks before 4th of July. A group of kids had bought a bunch of fireworks and made like a homemade sparkler bomb. And apparently they thought it would just sort of like go off, make like a hole in one of the seats. But they'd gone way overboard and built this like huge bomb and slipped it in through the cracked window. So they just like slipped it in the car, kept on walking by, and then 10 seconds later it exploded.
14:08 Dax Shepard? What assholes? Have you ever seen one of those go off? They're crazy. They're scary big, these sparkler bombs.
14:15 Speaker 02 Did they go to jail? Those specific people were never outed.
14:19 Dax Shepard? And what about the poor girl? Was she so sad?
14:22 Speaker 02 She was upset.
14:24 Dax Shepard? Did you do the sparkler bomb, Sandy?
14:27 Speaker 02 Just think of that, Sandy! It wasn't me. But you know who it was. I know you know who it was.
14:34 Dax Shepard? Yeah, we know she knows, yeah. And that's okay, you keep that to your grave. Or till statute of limitations, whatever.
14:40 Speaker 02 I mean, it's been this long. And the car was eventually replaced by insurance, so there was that luckily. But very dramatic start to adulthood.
14:49 Dax Shepard? Wow. If I were the girl, boy, my feelings would be quite hurt.
14:53 Speaker 02 I would take it so personally.
14:54 Dax Shepard? Yeah. You're unable to recognize that there's some financial jealousy happening?
14:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, or just like reckless.
15:00 Dax Shepard? Oh, they hate me, they blew up my new car.
15:03 Speaker 02 Yeah, I mean, just the same way that the undertones in the school, this isn't our lack of or amount of money. You know, this is our parents. Yeah, everyone's born in.
15:12 Dax Shepard? That vibe was very alive in my town, too.
15:15 Speaker 02 The haves and the have-nots.
15:16 Dax Shepard? Yeah, the greasers and the sociahs.
15:19 Speaker 02 Lots of good people all around, just young and dumb and... Not really having a bigger picture of the world, I think.
15:26 Dax Shepard? I would argue a little bit more old west justice is happening still in the rural areas.
15:30 Speaker 01 Kids, look, their brains literally are not developed.
15:33 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
15:33 Speaker 01 They don't even have frontal lobes.
15:35 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
15:35 Speaker 01 And yet they're drinking and doing crazy stuff.
15:38 Dax Shepard? If I were that guy, I would have said, Sandy, I'm so sorry. I know you're freezing and I am too. But I do need to go walk over there for five seconds.
15:47 Speaker 01 You break the huddle.
15:49 Dax Shepard? And it's gonna be miserable while I'm gone, but you're gonna be so happy you don't smell what's coming out. And then when I return, relative to how cold you were, we're gonna feel warm again. So could you just grant me this five?
15:58 Speaker 02 It would have been graceful. For some reason, it felt like we had to like cling for dear life.
16:03 Dax Shepard? Would you have said, no, no, I don't care about the fart. I'll be too cold. Just fart. Cause you might have said that.
16:08 Speaker 02 Honestly, I wasn't wildly offended by the fart. I was like, I get it, we're here, but also the hotness is gone.
16:15 Speaker 01 You can't come back from that.
16:17 Dax Shepard? Oh, well, Sandy, thank you for telling us that.
16:19 Speaker 02 Thank you so much.
16:20 Dax Shepard? All right, bye bye.
16:22 Speaker 01 Hello.
16:23 Dax Shepard? Can you hear us, Steven?
16:24 Speaker 03 I can hear you. Can you hear me all right?
16:26 Dax Shepard? I can hear you great. And it's very rare that I get to speak with a Steven P H E N. And I'm gonna make you answer for this. So tell me how we get a V out of P H. What is the origin of this?
16:38 Speaker 03 I'm commonly called Stefan. I'm commonly spelled with an A. I think since Stephen Curry's become more popular, that's almost the default now.
16:46 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
16:47 Speaker 01 Is that how he spells it?
16:48 Dax Shepard? Yeah, how does he spell it?
16:49 Speaker 01 I thought it was with an F.
16:51 Dax Shepard? Oh, no. It's definitely P H, but is it A?
16:53 Speaker 01 Oh.
16:54 Dax Shepard? Is it Stefan or Stefan?
16:55 Speaker 03 So I can give you the quick. It's my grandpa was Stefano, my uncle is Stefan, I'm Steven.
17:00 Speaker 01 Oh, love that.
17:01 Dax Shepard? So it did start that way.
17:03 Speaker 03 Yeah. Steph is Ian.
17:05 Dax Shepard? Steph Curry is?
17:06 Speaker 03 Yeah.
17:06 Dax Shepard? Oh, okay.
17:07 Speaker 01 And is it an F or?
17:09 Dax Shepard? It's a.
17:09 Speaker 03 No, P H.
17:10 Dax Shepard? It's definitely a P H. Okay, so Stefan, Steven. Where are you calling from?
17:15 Speaker 03 Right outside New York City, so just across the river, New Jersey.
17:19 Dax Shepard? Oh, okay, wonderful. And do you have a view of New York City? Like, can you see it from your area?
17:25 Speaker 03 Yeah, just not from my exact apartment.
17:27 Dax Shepard? Part of me thinks, and I would have not been privy to this had I not stayed in Brooklyn on one trip, recognizing it's almost more fun to be looking at it than it is to be in it for your living quarters.
17:38 Speaker 03 Totally. When you're in Brooklyn next, maybe you try Red Hook Tavern's burger instead of Emily Burger?
17:44 Dax Shepard? Oh, really?
17:45 Speaker 03 Both really good, but that deserves some love next time.
17:48 Dax Shepard? Red Hook, Rob, will you write that down? Yeah, I've been there. You've been? Yeah, it's really good. Oh, and where do you rank it with Emily? Different but equal? Yeah, different but equal.
17:58 Speaker 01 Wow.
17:59 Dax Shepard? Is it more conventional, like just burger, bun, sitch?
18:02 Speaker 03 Burger, bun, cheese, raw onion on the bottom.
18:05 Dax Shepard? Oh, and it should say on the menu, it should say burger, bun, cheese, fuck you.
18:09 Speaker 03 Yeah.
18:10 Dax Shepard? Really go for it.
18:11 Speaker 01 No caramelized onions?
18:13 Dax Shepard? Caramelized.
18:24 Dax Shepard? This episode is supported by Helix.
18:27 Speaker 01 Dax, is there anything better than crawling into a perfect bed on a cold fall night? Candlelit, hoodie on, maybe even some rain outside. The dream.
18:38 Dax Shepard? That's the dream. You just described one of my ideal fall nights.
18:42 Speaker 01 I know, and thanks to Helix, my bed actually lives up to the vibe. All I had to do was take the Helix Sleep Quiz, and within two minutes, they matched me to a mattress built for exactly how I sleep. I have a midnight mattress. It also has cooling technology.
18:56 Dax Shepard? Ooh.
18:57 Speaker 01 Which I really...
18:58 Dax Shepard? Increasingly so.
18:59 Speaker 01 I need it. I have to have it. And I heard that you're supposed to sleep at a cold temp. For optimal sleep, it's very, very helpful.
19:09 Dax Shepard? She is not wrong. I have one too, and it's been such a game changer for sleep. And I love that they make it so easy. Free shipping right to your door. And what they're happy with Helix Guarantee, you'll get a full 365 nights to try it. A whole year to live in that cozy. They've got over 20 mattress models, so no matter how you sleep, they've got one for you.
19:29 Speaker 01 And it's not just us saying it. Helix has been named the most awarded mattress brand by Forbes, Wired, and more. You've got to try it for yourself.
19:36 Dax Shepard? Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. Helixsleep.com/armchair. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace, and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing. And Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skill set, a body of work, and it's been private. It's been yours, but at some point you're ready to put it out there.
20:18 Dax Shepard? And that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap. Squarespace makes it feel like a step. Beautiful templates, built-in SEO, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics, everything you need to go from, I've been working on this, to here it is, come find me. All in one place, no code, no stitching together a bunch of different tools. So if you've been sitting on something and waiting for the right moment, this might be it. Head to squarespace.com/dax for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. We get support from Superhuman. Look, I love what I do. The conversations, the ideas, the creative stuff.
21:02 Dax Shepard? But there's this whole other layer of work that eats my day alive. The inbox that never ends. Docs I need to get through, threads I'm behind on. And by the time I've dealt with all that, the stuff I actually want to focus on gets whatever's left. What I needed was something that just works where I'm already working. Not another tab to open, not another thing to set up. Superhuman Go, from the makers of Grammarly, is different. It's already right there, inside your email, your docs, your browser. You don't go to it, it's already working alongside you. You're deep in a long thread, highlight it, and it pulls the key points. About to send something important? It flags what doesn't add up before it leaves your hands. It knows your style, your workflows, and it just backs you up without getting in the way.
21:45 Dax Shepard? A thought partner that's already up to speed, at your service, not after your job. So, do yourself a favor and try Superhuman Go, from the makers of Grammarly. Find out more at superhuman.com. We get support from our sponsor, Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Gleepran. Foundo is a once-daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced-calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.
22:25 Speaker 04 Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it, or if you or someone in your family had majorary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes, if you're nursing, pregnant, plant-to-be, or taking birth control pills, and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems. Once-daily Foundo is available by prescription only
23:07 Speaker 04 in 0.8 mg, 2.5 mg, 5.5 mg, 9 mg, 14.5 mg, and 17.2 mg tablets. Learn more at foundo.lilly.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.
23:30 Dax Shepard? Okay, so you were at a party gone wrong. And again, I'm gonna stereotype, but I have to imagine a lot of Jersey parties go wrong. Did the party take place in Jersey?
23:39 Speaker 03 I think it's just your average drinking. But yeah, a ton of parties. So it was 2010. So it was my freshman year of college and it was like a first break back from college. So kind of everyone's still in like that high school party mode. It's unsuccessful if there's not a drinking party every single night of the week.
23:56 Speaker 01 Sure.
23:56 Dax Shepard? You've just been training for three months, right? Like you've been drinking completely unsupervised for three months. So you're almost ready to come back for a big fight.
24:04 Speaker 03 So this one girl from high school is having a party. It's at her mom's house when she's away for work. It's like three towns away, so a lot of small towns in New Jersey, but it's only about three miles or so. We were excited because her mom lived in like this really cool, modern house. It had an elevator in it, like a bunch of cool art in different areas. It wasn't like cookie cutter Jersey suburbia. So we get to the party and you know, it's kind of taking place over all different parts of the house. You know, people playing drinking games in the kitchen. There's parties upstairs. People are taking the elevator up and down to different areas. We're all drinking, playing a bunch of different games. And then me and my one friend venture off and we kind of find this door that leads to the roof. And it's like a roof that's like meant to be on at certain points. Like there's like an Adirondack chair that looks out over the backyard, but really only space for like three people.
24:49 Speaker 03 So it's just the two of us up there. We're like, oh, it'd be cool if like people come up and we could play drinking games up here. Wasn't enough space, obviously. No one's coming up. And then on our way down, we see that there's this skylight and we're like, okay, the skylight looks over the kitchen. And the people playing beer pong up there, what if we stand on the skylight? And people will look up and notice like, whoa, there's this whole area upstairs that someone found.
25:14 Dax Shepard? Hold on one second before we get to you getting on the skylight.
25:17 Speaker 01 This is like hard.
25:18 Dax Shepard? Neither of you were like, huh, I wonder if this thing will break if we get on. Obviously not.
25:23 Speaker 03 Our head went there pretty quickly after. Yeah, you know, you think it was like actual glass that you could stand on.
25:28 Dax Shepard? Well, by the way, it's not there.
25:31 Dax Shepard? Bulletproof glass, maybe? Or like separating glass in a prisoner.
25:35 Speaker 03 Not like fragile glass.
25:36 Dax Shepard? Well, that's true. I'm sure it has a high temperance.
25:39 Speaker 01 Point of glass.
25:41 Speaker 03 So as you would expect, it's challenging to get on because it's also pretty bulbous.
25:47 Dax Shepard? Oh, it's like a dome one?
25:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's domed on top.
25:50 Dax Shepard? Well, that makes it a little more sense, Stephen, because I can imagine where you guys thought you were gonna kind of lean over and knock on it and have them be excited.
25:58 Speaker 01 Oh, you now see why it would be fun.
26:00 Dax Shepard? Well, I just imagine, like, I'm picturing the most modern house in the world with a dead flat roof and a dead flat skylight, and they think they're gonna stand on that. Whereas this feels more like, yeah, we'll both lean on it.
26:10 Speaker 03 We both take our steps on it. It takes like a second to get on and then it's small, so we're kind of holding each other's shoulders. Once we get on, it's pretty quickly understood, like, it's gonna give way.
26:22 Speaker 03 Before we can do anything, my one friend jumps off feeling it, and then as soon as he gets off, the weight redistributes, and my leg just goes shooting through the skylight.
26:33 Speaker 03 I'm like 12 feet above the party. My leg is dangling through.
26:37 Speaker 01 Can you imagine being at that party and then a leg pops out?
26:43 Speaker 03 So I get my body out of the picture so no one could see that it's me. My friend's like, pull your leg out and jump off the roof. We'll run. We'll find a way to get out of here. But you can start hearing the chatter of the party, like, who is that? Grab his shoe. Make sure he doesn't get out of here. Because I think I did some damage to this house that they want this person to be accountable for.
27:03 Dax Shepard? And you did, you know?
27:04 Speaker 03 Yeah. Reality sets in, embarrassment sets in, and then realize I had to pull my leg out of this. So I don't know if it was cut when it went through or cut when it came out, but it's like a small hole that I made with like shards of glass. I just yanked my leg out. That was the adrenaline, probably. I don't remember feeling the pain at that point, but I stand up and I know I have to go down and face the host of the party.
27:29 Dax Shepard? Because you're a good boy. You're gonna take responsibility.
27:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, there's the only option at that point.
27:33 Dax Shepard? I imagine you jumping off the roof and them just following the trail of blood.
27:37 Speaker 01 Ew, also jumping off the roof after that injury.
27:40 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
27:41 Speaker 03 I mean, none of this was smart, right? But walk downstairs and just to give you an idea of what this cut looks like, it's probably about like a eight inch gash right in the center of my shin.
27:50 Speaker 01 Oh.
27:51 Speaker 03 It kind of like split pretty considerably. Like, I don't know if it was like thin skin or pressure.
27:55 Dax Shepard? And Stephen, I've had that injury. It's so close to your shin bone, you're seeing bone immediately, right?
28:00 Speaker 03 Yeah, and the outsides are pretty cut. Not that it's integral of the story, but when it's healing, it took like three months to heal. It's graphic. It was a cut on my leg and starts to expand. I mean, it looked like there was a vagina on my leg.
28:14 Speaker 01 Yes.
28:14 Dax Shepard? An elephant vagina.
28:16 Speaker 03 The different stages of healing reveal different stages of it. Yeah, it was pretty gnarly. So go downstairs. I realize I probably need stitches, but the host of the party greets me and instead of kicking me out, she's super sweet. She like brings me into a room away from the party. People are annoyed that this happened. There's a hole in the roof. Bandages me up, says like, not a problem. I'll take care of it. I'll find a way.
28:37 Speaker 01 Oh. Is she your wife now?
28:40 Dax Shepard? Cause this better be a meet cute.
28:41 Speaker 01 Exactly.
28:42 Speaker 03 You know, I knew you were gonna go there.
28:45 Dax Shepard? We're so predictable.
28:46 Speaker 03 I'll save that for the end.
28:48 Dax Shepard? Okay, okay.
28:49 Speaker 03 Don't get too excited, Mike.
28:52 Speaker 03 She bandages me up, super nice. I decide to leave the party. It's like a three mile walk home. So now I have to walk home on this leg. I know I need stitches. I know I can't drive myself there because we've been drinking. So walk three miles, get home, probably somewhere between 11 and 1, I would say. It was a while ago, but it was later at night. Knock on my parents' door because I know that I need to get taken to the emergency room where you get stitched up. No answer. Open my parents' door and then immediately met with what no child wants to see.
29:19 Speaker 01 Oh, wow, there's sex.
29:21 Dax Shepard? Oh my God, add insult to injury.
29:23 Speaker 01 What a night you're having.
29:25 Speaker 03 She's rustling. I mean, I closed the door.
29:29 Speaker 03 Embarrassed, in pain, bleeding. I mean, at this point, there's blood in like my sock and my shoe. It's pretty significant.
29:34 Speaker 01 Oh, fuck, you're like, I just want to die now.
29:37 Speaker 03 That's the feeling for sure. So she comes out, gives it one look. We both don't want to look at each other. Looks at my leg. She's like, it's fine, you're fine, go to bed.
29:44 Dax Shepard? Oh, you're fine?
29:45 Speaker 01 She wanted to get back.
29:46 Speaker 03 Okay.
29:48 Speaker 01 Round two.
29:50 Speaker 03 So woke up the next morning, didn't end up getting it stitched and not too bad. Now I got like a four inch scar on my leg, but it took time. Monica, I knew you would go to, oh my God, maybe a meet cute because she's bandaging you up 10 years ago. I went on a date with her probably 10 years later and I was like, great. This is going to be like a perfect segue, bring up something funny that happened 10 years ago. We're both way more mature now. And she paused and she was like, yeah, I'm pretty sure my brother still fucking hates you for that. And that was it.
30:17 Speaker 01 Oh.
30:18 Dax Shepard? Okay.
30:19 Speaker 01 Well, she went on the date with you knowing it was you.
30:22 Speaker 03 But I thought it would be a fun little story. I guess it holds some weight in her brother's eyes for not paying for the damage, but she's super nice.
30:29 Speaker 01 Didn't work out.
30:30 Dax Shepard? I'm going to try to skin this cat in yet another original way that's going to backfire, but I'm going to give it a shot.
30:35 Speaker 01 Skin the shin.
30:36 Dax Shepard? Skin the shin. I'm going to shin this cat. So all I'm saying right now is if I were a single girl, I would try to date you in one second. I think you are so fucking cute.
30:49 Speaker 01 You are cute.
30:49 Dax Shepard? And funny.
30:50 Speaker 03 That's hard to take in, honestly.
30:52 Dax Shepard? Are you married?
30:54 Speaker 03 No, I have a girlfriend. Monica, I did write in to Monica and Jess love boys.
30:58 Dax Shepard? You did?
30:59 Speaker 01 Season two? Oh, I'm very flattered.
31:03 Speaker 03 The show never happened. Huge fans, listen to all the pods, listen to your egg freezing pod. Why I need to listen to that? I don't know. Listen to it.
31:11 Speaker 01 Well, it probably makes you better for your girlfriend. She'll be like, oh, you're so sensitive.
31:17 Dax Shepard? I'm feeling very upset right now.
31:19 Speaker 01 I'm sorry.
31:20 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
31:21 Speaker 01 I'm happy for her. Very nice to meet you.
31:24 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
31:24 Speaker 03 You too. I'll give one quick shout out to my cherry chat because I have two friends who we listen to the show all the time. And we have a group chat that's a cherry and every Sunday we guess who the guest is going to be. Sometimes people get it right. So I'll give a quick shout out to them.
31:38 Dax Shepard? Cherry chat.
31:39 Speaker 01 That's so cute. Well, this was fun.
31:41 Dax Shepard? Steven, you're a dream. I'm so smitten with you. It's nuts.
31:46 Speaker 03 Anytime you want me back, oh, come on.
31:48 Dax Shepard? Okay.
31:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, right back then.
31:49 Dax Shepard? I hope we talk again soon. Take care, brother.
31:51 Speaker 01 Bye.
31:53 Dax Shepard? Jessa. Jessa.
31:55 Speaker 01 Jessa from Girls? That's the only other time I've heard that name.
31:58 Dax Shepard? I've never even heard Jessa.
32:01 Dax Shepard? Hi. I was just saying to Monica, I'm completely unaware of the name Jessa, but she's familiar because of girls.
32:07 Speaker 05 I know. I was so upset when that came out. I was like, I'm not the only Jessa in the world. This is insane, but it worked out.
32:13 Dax Shepard? If I were you, I would have gotten megalomaniacal and thought, somebody knows me in the writer's room and they stole my name.
32:22 Speaker 05 That's the way I should have thought of it.
32:24 Dax Shepard? They need a little more arrogance. Are you anywhere near New York City where this could have possibly happened?
32:30 Speaker 05 I'm not. I'm originally from the Bay Area, but I live in Nashville now.
32:34 Dax Shepard? Oh, and how are you liking the move?
32:37 Speaker 05 I love Nashville. I've been there for four years. It was a big adjustment at first, but I'm loving it now.
32:44 Dax Shepard? What were the hurdles at the beginning?
32:46 Speaker 05 So I'm from Northern California where it's like farm town, wine country. It's not that busy. So I moved to Nashville. I moved to the actual city and it was so busy. So I was shell shocked a little bit. And then I moved over to Franklin and I've really enjoyed Franklin because it's nice and quiet and I can drive into the city.
33:06 Dax Shepard? Small town. Okay. So you have a party gone wrong story. I realize now that we have photos, so I'm going to put them between Monica and I so that we'll be prepared when the opportunity presents itself.
33:15 Speaker 05 This is a bachelorette trip gone wrong. Originally, we are going to road trip from Nashville, where a majority of the girls lived, down to Alice Beach, Florida. And if you're unfamiliar with Alice Beach, it's like quiet, quaint, charming little beach town.
33:30 Dax Shepard? Is it on A130? That's the zone everyone loves?
33:33 Speaker 05 Yep.
33:33 Dax Shepard? I gotta flag one ironic hysterical thing is that Nashville, of course, is the bachelorette capital of the world and you guys are leaving there.
33:40 Speaker 01 Well, you have to. You can't do it in your, I mean, you can't.
33:43 Speaker 05 You can do Broadway any night. And we did have a Broadway night before the wedding, but we had to go live our classy little life in Florida of all things.
33:54 Dax Shepard? Yes, yes. This was all told to me when I spent the summer there. I had never heard of it, but this whole A130, do you know about this? But it's a little zone on the Gulf in Florida that's super bougie and expensive.
34:07 Speaker 01 I can't believe I've never heard of it.
34:08 Dax Shepard? It's like the Hamptons of the South.
34:10 Speaker 05 Everybody from Nashville vacations there. I had never heard of it either until I moved there. I'm like, I need to go here. Everyone loves it.
34:18 Speaker 01 I feel poor because I grew up in the South and I've never heard of it.
34:22 Dax Shepard? But I think it really took off in the last decade, mostly new builds and stuff. No?
34:26 Speaker 05 From what I am aware of, yes, we didn't end up there exactly.
34:31 Speaker 01 Uh oh.
34:32 Dax Shepard? Okay.
34:32 Speaker 05 Yeah.
34:33 Dax Shepard? Okay, okay.
34:34 Speaker 05 I still have not gone.
34:35 Dax Shepard? Okay, great spoiler.
34:37 Speaker 05 So the plan was is that we were gonna road trip from Nashville down to Alice Beach. So when it came time for the planning period, the maid of honor is sending a bunch of Airbnb listings to all of the girls. So we can choose the house to rent. She comes across one and it looks perfect. It is huge. It's beautiful and it is significantly cheaper than every other house. So that should have been a red flag, but for us, we were like, book it. This is perfect.
35:04 Dax Shepard? Yeah, the old century. A bachelor miracle.
35:08 Speaker 05 It felt like all the stars aligned. So we go and we go to book the Airbnb and there's one tiny little caveat. They don't allow large groups and they don't allow parties. So we're like, we're screwed. We can't book it. Except one of the girls happens to see the Airbnb host their profile and sees that they're from Utah. And she gets this genius idea to tell a tiny little white lie, say that we are all from Utah. And that we are a bunch of BYU students and one of the girls is getting married. And that we are going to just have a tiny, you know, quiet little beach trip, no party, no harm, no foul, I swear. And it works.
35:49 Dax Shepard? They really value honesty.
35:51 Speaker 01 I know. That's why it's just so bad.
35:55 Speaker 05 Honestly, I don't tell lies, so I felt so terrible.
35:59 Speaker 01 And no one was worried you guys were gonna get like struck down by what's his name?
36:04 Dax Shepard? Joseph Smith?
36:05 Speaker 01 Joseph Smith.
36:06 Speaker 05 We should have thought about that honestly, but now I won't do it again.
36:10 Speaker 01 Okay.
36:11 Speaker 05 We book it. We are so happy. Everything's good to go. We are on the road a couple of weeks later. Everything's going great until about 15 minutes out from the house. We realize we are not in Alice Beach. We are in the heart of Panama City.
36:26 Speaker 01 Oh shit, I've been there.
36:28 Dax Shepard? Okay, and so again.
36:29 Speaker 01 That is a place I've been.
36:30 Dax Shepard? Whatever I said about 8:13, you just do the opposite of that.
36:33 Speaker 01 Listen, some of my best times.
36:35 Dax Shepard? I went to.
36:36 Speaker 01 Those spring breaks were hot.
36:38 Speaker 05 So now we are driving down the road and on one side of the street, it is Dollar Jell-O shots. The other side of the street, it is wet t-shirt contest.
36:48 Speaker 01 Yep.
36:48 Speaker 05 And we are going, this is not the vibe. Like this is not what we planned for, nor what we packed for. Like we are packed for brunch and mimosas. We are not packed for Jell-O shots and wet t-shirt contests. But nonetheless, we continue on. We go, there's still like another five minutes in this drive. Somehow it has to turn into Alice Beach. So we turn into the neighborhood and it is immediately lock your doors. This is sketchy.
37:14 Speaker 01 Oh no.
37:15 Speaker 05 The neighborhood is rough. And I'm still going, we have to have the wrong address. Until we hear, your destination's on the right. So we looked to our right and there it is, the beautiful house that we booked. It looks exactly the same, except it is in the wrong city. So we go, okay, this is on us. This is our fault. We're gonna make the best out of it.
37:38 Speaker 01 Okay, this is where I'm different. This is where I'm pulling up Airbnb immediately. Nope, we're going to Alice Beach right now.
37:45 Dax Shepard? We just talked about this, you and I. It's like your na- it's people's nature.
37:49 Speaker 01 It is. Either like, look, it is what it is, or it's not what it is.
37:52 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it's a one time you get to have this bachelorette party and you're gonna do it right.
37:56 Speaker 05 I wish you were on The Bachelorette with us. It would have worked out way better.
38:00 Speaker 01 Oh no. Okay.
38:01 Speaker 05 So we go in, we decorate and we have our forbidden party that night. Everything goes great. We were having a ton of fun.
38:10 Dax Shepard? How many are there of you?
38:11 Speaker 05 I think it ended up being like 12 girls.
38:13 Dax Shepard? Enough to have a party.
38:14 Speaker 05 Our party, call it like church party gone crazy. It's not that wild.
38:27 Dax Shepard? We get support from Skims. So Monica just informed me that she's a girl's girl and I nodded like I knew exactly what that meant.
38:36 Speaker 01 Yeah, but the girls who get it, they get it.
38:38 Dax Shepard? Okay, but for those of us who are clearly not girls, walk me through it.
38:42 Speaker 01 Well, you know how much I love my Skims fleece joggers because the plush fleece is so soft. It's cozy. It's really comfortable without feeling too heavy. Well, I went to friend them and she would not stop talking about how comfy they were. She almost didn't give them back to me, which was upsetting, but I'm a girl's girl, so I let her have it.
38:59 Dax Shepard? Great, great, great.
39:01 Speaker 01 So the sleep sets are awesome because they are very soft and comfortable, but they're cute. If I'm in my sleep set, I feel fine about going down the street to pick up my food. I'm still looking cute, but I'm comfy and I'm cozy.
39:14 Dax Shepard? Roger.
39:15 Speaker 01 A really fun thing to do is if you're going on vacation with your girlfriends, to get matching Skims pajamas. I've done this with Callie and it is so fun. First of all, the pics are so cute, but also it's just fun and friendship.
39:27 Dax Shepard? So a girl's girl is looking out for your friends with better loungewear. I get it. Am I one of your girls now?
39:33 Speaker 01 You are. You and the other girlies can shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows.
39:47 Dax Shepard? This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you've thought about trying therapy with our long-term partner, BetterHelp, insurance options may now be available nationwide with an average copay for eligible members of just $23 per session. October 10th is World Mental Health Day, but you don't need a day on the calendar to give yourself permission to talk to someone. I've been in therapy for a long time and the stuff rattling around in my head always just quiets down the second I say it out loud. And it doesn't have to be some big life crisis. Maybe it's a work thing that's taking up too much space or hard relationship moment, or just a feeling that something's off. That's enough. That's worth talking about.
40:25 Speaker 01 You know, I love.
40:26 Speaker 05 Therapy, more than anything, gets me through. Often I'll want to cancel because I'm like, I don't really have anything to talk about. And then I'll go and I have some major revelation.
40:36 Dax Shepard? You know, I was just talking to a friend who has just started it. And I said, one of the most powerful elements of it is just hearing yourself say out loud, the thing that's been ruminating in your head and how different it sounds. Once it's out into the world, you gain perspective immediately just by hearing yourself say it.
40:51 Speaker 05 Yeah, you do.
40:52 Dax Shepard? If you've been waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with more than 125 health plan networks and eligible members have an average copay of just $23 per session with insurance. Don't have insurance or live outside the US? You can still get 10% off your first month. Do yourself a favor and just try it. Future you will be grateful. Visit betterhelp.com/dax to explore your payment options. That's better H E L P dot com slash DAX. We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace and I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective.
41:36 Dax Shepard? Running can be freeing and cathartic and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere, whether that's in your office, living room, or even the attic. Plus they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving. Let yourself run. Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.
42:17 Speaker 05 The next day comes around, we spend the day at the beach. Everything's going great. We're having fun and we go, let's get ready for dinner. We Google the best restaurants in Panama City because again, we're not prepared for Panama. It was supposed to be a fine dining steakhouse. Awesome. Let's book the reservation. We get in the Uber, we get over there, we open up the door. And what do we see? It is like an rundown aquarium.
42:41 Dax Shepard? Yes.
42:42 Speaker 05 With a random elderly man and his karaoke machine doing karaoke throughout the restaurant, going up to all the tables, singing to the tables. And at this point, we are so embracing Panama City. We are drinking the juice. We are just going with the vibe.
42:58 Dax Shepard? Good, good.
43:00 Speaker 05 We have our dinner and our show. We go, okay, let's go back to the Airbnb. We're gonna get into our comfy clothes and we are gonna pour some champagne. And it's time to shower the bride with all of the lingerie that we brought her. We go out to the fire pit and she's starting to unwrap all of her lingerie. Now, when I say lingerie, I don't want you to think like dirty sexy lingerie. That's not the bride. The bride is very beautiful, classy, silly. And that's the kind of vibe we wanted to embrace. So all of the girls chose a different theme, all of her favorite things. So for example, her favorite show is Outlanders. So one of the girls bought a kilt and had her fiance dress up in the kilt and take a bunch of pictures. Oh, that's cute.
43:42 Speaker 05 I chose Harry Potter where she had like a sexy little top and the bottoms say like, you can park your wand here. Or why don't you Slytherin on in?
43:50 Dax Shepard? Lot of wordplay, creative. You guys are good girls.
43:54 Speaker 05 Good girls with just a little twist. Slytherin right in doesn't sound that good girl to me.
43:59 Dax Shepard? Well, that's true.
44:00 Speaker 05 Sounds hot. So she's holding up this little nightie and all of a sudden about 20 FBI agents and police officers come storming in our backyard. No. Down, down, down. Get on the fucking ground. And they are popping the fence. No.
44:21 Dax Shepard? It's a raid.
44:22 Speaker 05 Yes. So they go into the neighbor's yard and flash bombs start going off like crazy. It's huge things, lots of smoke, canines running like crazy. It is literally chaos. During the lingerie party. So we naturally go booking it inside. And this is where the group fully divides.
44:48 Speaker 05 Half the group is fetal position, crying hysterically. Get the keys, we're getting in the car and we're leaving. My side of the group, I like to call us the defenders. We were, we are going to protect us. We are going to lock the doors, the windows. We're gonna call the police. We are not going outside until we know what is going on. Like, this is not normal. We call the police and the 911 operator goes, "Yeah, so there is active police activity going on outside right now. You are to shelter in place. We will let you know when it's safe."
45:19 Dax Shepard? By the way, no, they won't. They're not calling back.
45:20 Speaker 05 I know. They didn't.
45:23 Speaker 05 Where is the safest place in this house? The stairwell. We think there's no windows, there's no doors. We go like total tornado prep. We are good to go.
45:31 Dax Shepard? Can I ask, is the fear a stray bullet might come through the house?
45:34 Speaker 05 Oh, there's a fear of everything. It sounds like guns are going off. I think it's probably rubber bullets. And then all of the flash bombs. You think that you're in the middle of a war zone. Yeah. We are arm in arm on the stairs, crying hysterically. Just as shit is going down next door, shit's going down in this house. Our little deserted aquarium karaoke dinner.
45:57 Dax Shepard? Oh.
45:58 Speaker 05 Oh, no. Seven, at that point, girls are violently ill. Oh, my god.
46:05 Dax Shepard? This is like The Hangover.
46:07 Speaker 05 This is such a disaster. Oh, no. It's literally insane.
46:13 Dax Shepard? Jessa, are you one of the victims?
46:16 Speaker 05 Not until the next day.
46:18 Dax Shepard? Oh, okay, took a minute.
46:19 Speaker 05 How many bathrooms are there in this house? I think there are like four. So, we had a decent amount, but it was really bad. Both ends, really sick.
46:30 Dax Shepard? Also, let's add, generally when I have that, I'm the only one that has that. So, I'm not entering a bathroom where that already happened. I mean, that is savage.
46:39 Speaker 05 Four bathrooms for seven people dealing with this is not enough.
46:42 Dax Shepard? Diabolical.
46:43 Speaker 05 It was not pleasant to be in that house. This is going on for hours. At this point, it is like 2:30 in the morning. It seems to end. And we're like, okay, we're gonna get in bed. We are going to go to sleep. We're gonna wake up when the sun comes up. And we are getting out of Dodge. We are going back home to Nashville. About an hour later, like, we're just hitting REM sleep. And all of a sudden, you hear... Boom. It starts right back up again. What the fuck? You're in the thick of it.
47:12 Dax Shepard? It's like a standoff next door.
47:14 Speaker 05 We all hit the ground and we are like crawling back to the staircase and we are going, what the hell is going on? Cause this entire time, we're thinking it's a drug raid. Like how many drugs can one have in a house? And at this point, we are stone cold sober. Between the sickness and the hours that have gone by, there is no liquid courage. It is fully a hundred percent sober scaries. We are freaking out. It continues on till five in the morning. And then at five in the morning, it ends. We feel brave enough to leave the house. So we pack up the Airbnb and we get out. We go back to Nashville and a couple of days later, the news articles start coming out.
47:55 Speaker 05 Panama City, sex trafficking ring, 21 men arrested. Holy shit.
48:01 Dax Shepard? 21 men?
48:02 Speaker 05 So this all happened next door.
48:05 Dax Shepard? Oh. It's like a clown car of perverts next door.
48:09 Speaker 05 Oh my god. What's even crazier though, is that the whole reason that this even happened, was that a girl was kidnapped out of Utah, at a Utah Jazz game. Remember, the Airbnb host is from Utah. Yes. So she's kidnapped there by a Panama City man, who lives in the sex trafficking house. Wait, what? So then, when we got to the Airbnb, you know, you go and you look around, you're looking everywhere, wherever you're staying, you're seeing all the nooks and crannies. There's an outdoor shower. We're like, oh, that's kind of cool. That might be convenient after the beach. And we look in there and there's a camera in the shower. And we're like, what in the world? This is so creepy.
48:53 Speaker 05 But upon our investigation, it wasn't aimed at the shower. It was aimed at the front door of the sex trafficking house. And it was the only camera on property. And that same day before any of this happened, the Airbnb host emails us and she's like, "Hey, girls, hope you're having the best time. Feel free to stay an extra night for free on us."
49:14 Dax Shepard? What?
49:14 Speaker 05 Isn't that crazy? Thank God we didn't do it.
49:18 Speaker 01 Wait, so are we thinking that-
49:20 Dax Shepard? The FBI put that up so they could record what was going on or the owner of the house?
49:24 Speaker 01 Or the sex traffickers owned the house?
49:27 Speaker 05 I still don't know for sure if they had anything to do with it, but all roads led back to tiny little Utah. It made no sense. It was so crazy. So luckily we survived. The girl was rescued. The evil 21 men were arrested. And the wedding went on to be beautiful. The marriage is great. They've been married for years. So everything has worked out, but oh my gosh, it was insane.
49:52 Dax Shepard? So we got some photos. Oh, this is the news article. PCB police arrest 21 men for human trafficking, internet crimes involving children.
50:01 Speaker 05 Oh, God.
50:04 Dax Shepard? Oh, but look at the gang. Looks so cute and happy.
50:07 Speaker 05 Yeah, that's at our deserted aquarium dinner.
50:10 Dax Shepard? I'm glad your friend's not superstitious because I gotta say, it might start crossing my mind, right? Oh, this is an alman that I shouldn't-
50:17 Speaker 01 Not supposed to get married.
50:18 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I'm not supposed to get married. Like, how many more signs do I need?
50:21 Speaker 05 They had been together for many, many years. She felt secure, but I've told her that she got all of her chaos out in marriage before the marriage even happened.
50:30 Speaker 01 Do you think maybe the water you guys were drinking at the restaurant was from the aquarium?
50:37 Dax Shepard? Have you had that thought?
50:38 Speaker 05 I didn't think about that until now, Monica. Maybe, maybe we got some like crazy immune system boosts after it, though.
50:45 Dax Shepard? Do you want a bottle of flat water or filtered water? And you say filtered, they just take a ladle out of the aquarium?
50:51 Speaker 01 That's right.
50:52 Speaker 05 We thought it tasted a little funny.
50:53 Dax Shepard? Well, here's the thing. We're railing on these restaurants a little bit and then I'm feeling snobby, but then everyone gets fucking ghastly ill and you're like, no, I'm not being snobby.
51:01 Speaker 01 Exactly.
51:03 Speaker 05 That was exactly our mentality. Like, we're not going to be snobby. We're embracing Panama City. It's fine. In fact, it was not fine. All I have to say, children, do not tell little white lies. If we didn't lie about being Mormon, none of this would have happened. We would have been safely in Ellis Beach having a great old time.
51:21 Speaker 01 I think maybe you did get struck down by Joseph Smith, if I'm being honest.
51:26 Dax Shepard? Also, there's a lot of morals too. There's also the old tried and true, you get what you pay for. It's very rare you actually get a deal.
51:35 Speaker 05 Yeah, but we did.
51:37 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you sure did. I only have a single follow up question and it does require some vulnerability. You did mention that it did hit you the next day and you were on a road trip the next day. So how did we deal with that?
51:48 Speaker 05 Not well.
51:49 Dax Shepard? Okay.
51:50 Speaker 05 It was a lot of stops.
51:52 Dax Shepard? Gas station, bathroom.
51:54 Speaker 05 Oh, yeah. It was truly, truly disgusting. Such a nightmare. But we made it.
52:01 Dax Shepard? Well, Jessa, this was a delight.
52:03 Speaker 01 Great story.
52:04 Dax Shepard? Yeah, phenomenal.
52:05 Speaker 05 Thank you so much for having me and I just wanted to say a huge congratulations on the Golden Globes nomination. That is incredible and so well deserved.
52:14 Dax Shepard? Oh, thank you.
52:16 Speaker 01 It's because of you guys, the arm cherries.
52:19 Dax Shepard? It is. Send our love to the bride. Thank her for that terrible experience.
52:23 Speaker 05 Huge arm cherry Savannah. She definitely wanted me to say hi to you guys.
52:26 Speaker 01 Great names. Jessa Savannah. These are great.
52:29 Dax Shepard? All right, take care. Bye bye.
52:30 Speaker 05 Bye.
52:32 Speaker 01 Sex trafficking.
52:34 Dax Shepard? Diarrhea, puking, sex trafficking, Mormon lines.
52:38 Speaker 01 Lingerie party.
52:39 Dax Shepard? Lingerie slitherin'.
52:40 Speaker 01 Slitherin' me or whatever it was.
52:43 Dax Shepard? I'm trying to think what I would say. Tell me the names are Dumbledore or Dumble, Dumble?
52:47 Speaker 01 Dumbledore.
52:48 Dax Shepard? Dumbledore.
52:48 Speaker 01 We got Hufflepuff.
52:49 Dax Shepard? I would say back Dumbledore access.
52:52 Speaker 01 Or back Gryffindor access.
52:54 Dax Shepard? Yeah, both work nice. Door and back door. We want to use somehow. You got Hufflepuff. Oh, Huff and Puff on this with an arrow.
53:06 Dax Shepard? What was the other one? Raven?
53:07 Speaker 01 Ravenclaw.
53:07 Dax Shepard? Ravenclaw these off.
53:11 Dax Shepard? You're going to Harry Potter merge. Oh, Harry Potter.
53:15 Speaker 01 Harry.
53:15 Dax Shepard? It ain't Harry, but it's a Potter.
53:19 Dax Shepard? Hi, Maddie.
53:20 Speaker 06 Hey guys, how are you?
53:22 Dax Shepard? Good. We just heard a story about people putting Terrence Posner quotes on lingerie. And theirs were clever, but we wanted to be dirtier. So that's what you heard the tail end of.
53:32 Speaker 06 I see, I see.
53:33 Dax Shepard? Maddie, where are you?
53:34 Speaker 06 I am in New York City.
53:36 Speaker 01 Ooh, jealous.
53:38 Dax Shepard? What part? We have five boroughs to choose from.
53:40 Speaker 06 I'm in Manhattan.
53:41 Speaker 01 Now I'm really jealous. Is it so cozy there right now?
53:45 Speaker 06 It's pretty frigid. I have not left my apartment today.
53:48 Dax Shepard? Congrats.
53:49 Speaker 06 Thank you.
53:51 Dax Shepard? And are you a New York native or did you relocate to there?
53:54 Speaker 06 No, I'm originally from Florida. I've been living here since August of 2023.
53:58 Dax Shepard? So you really reversed the flow because it's definitely New York to Florida is the move.
54:03 Speaker 06 I did it opposite and I don't regret it.
54:06 Dax Shepard? Okay.
54:06 Speaker 06 Fun.
54:07 Dax Shepard? So you have a party gone wrong.
54:09 Speaker 06 I do.
54:10 Dax Shepard? Oh, wonderful. And of course, Florida is a great place for it. In fact, the last party gone wrong we just heard was in Jackson.
54:17 Speaker 06 No.
54:17 Dax Shepard? Or Panama City. Yeah.
54:18 Speaker 06 Maybe so, but this does take place in New York. Oh, fantastic. This is a story about my housewarming, the first housewarming party that I've ever hosted. And when I moved, I was subletting, just kind of hopping around from different apartments. But I knew that I wanted to move with my two friends, Katie and Marcus. Those are my roommates. We met doing a show, but we were all kind of spread out. Marcus was already living in New York at the time and then Katie was moving from the South. So we all got together in October of 2023, moved in. We found this gorgeous, huge hidden gem apartment in Manhattan. So we were very excited to decorate and find furniture and finally host a party.
54:59 Speaker 06 So December was our housewarming. It actually happened two years ago yesterday. Oh, happy anniversary. So we had a huge group of people that we invited. I invited people that I knew that had moved from high school, a lot of theater people. And then I made the bold decision of inviting my coworkers who I had just met. I work for a major fitness company in New York and my roommate Marcus had worked for them for the past five years. So it was a lot of people that I had never really spoken to, but seen around the office, but.
55:31 Dax Shepard? Marcus had vetted them.
55:32 Speaker 06 Yes. So everyone comes, it's going well, the drinks are flowing very quickly. And a few people keep coming up to me and asking like, who is this guy that just walked in? He's saying really weird stuff. Uh oh. My roommate went up to him and said, like, who are you here for? Who do you know? And he said, Mackenzie. And I feel like he was just like thinking of the first like white girl name. Yeah.
55:53 Dax Shepard? Yeah, Madison.
55:55 Speaker 06 He would have not been far off, but we were like, there's no Mackenzie here. So I walked up to him and I said, what's your name? And he was like, my name is Gillio. I was like, okay, Gillio, you need to either leave or you can come back, but you need to bring more alcohol because you've drank in all the alcohol. So he makes a swift exit. We do another alcohol run. Everything's fine until my friend comes over and tells me that there is a major leak happening in my kitchen. It was a huge crack in the ceiling and it was very close to a light fixture. So we were nervous about the building potentially catching on fire. So my roommate, Marcus, and my friend go upstairs and talk to our upstairs neighbors.
56:35 Speaker 06 We had seen them before, but never really spoken to them. It was an older woman and her two adult children, probably in their mid 40s. My roommate goes up there, knocks on the door, and when they open the door, there is water everywhere.
56:48 Dax Shepard? Oh, boy.
56:49 Speaker 06 There are quilts, sheets, blankets, anything that they could find. And so they were like, yes, we're aware there's an issue. We're handling it and slams the door. Everyone comes back down, keeps drinking, having fun. It's getting worse. So they go back upstairs and the neighbors are progressively more irritated and rude and start kind of yelling at us and slamming the door once again. At that point, we decided to call the fire department because it was that bad. Yeah. The fire department comes in, they bring like this huge pole with like a little tiny tip, and they put it in the crack. They say nothing else except, okay, we're gonna go upstairs and talk to the neighbors.
57:26 Dax Shepard? And did they route that pole to your sink or something so that it was draining?
57:30 Speaker 06 All they did was touch the crack. They didn't explain what that was doing.
57:33 Dax Shepard? Okay, okay, okay.
57:35 Speaker 06 Everything's fine for a moment. Someone gave me zin and I had never done that before and I had drank a lot of alcohol. I'm sorry to my family listening to this. But immediately I get really sick and so I'm throwing up in my bathroom. Oh, no. And I'm just doing my business and I hear a huge commotion at the door. I hear my roommate, who is the sweetest, kindest little guy, say, hit me then, hit me.
58:02 Speaker 06 I finished throwing up and I walk out and I see all the men are sitting on the couch, very quiet, nervous. And I look over and it's Marcus, Katie, my roommates, and all the women just like ready to go to battle. I managed to get my way to the front and upstairs neighbors have come down and they're screaming at us, getting in our face, asking why we would call the fire department and we've ruined everything and why would we move here? They were also definitely under the influence of something.
58:29 Dax Shepard? Well, when you say mom and two 40 year old children, there's a story there for sure.
58:34 Speaker 06 All of my coworkers are native New Yorkers. They're not afraid to get in the fight, defend us. And next thing you know, the daughter comes forward and punches my friend's coworker square in the face. Oh, my God.
58:47 Dax Shepard? Now we're cracking.
58:49 Speaker 06 We're cooking. I think they were cooking something up there. My coworker who is 411, she's so tiny, she starts defending her friend. And so then the brother comes over and starts choking my coworker. What? She is pinned up against the wall, being choked. So now everyone's screaming, pulling each other. And my sweet, sweet roommate, Katie, who is from the South is like, I've got this on video. And so he turns and takes her phone and walks outside and throws it so far that it hits the other building across the street. And you know, the streets are wide in New York. So we were out looking for that. She's in shambles. The cops eventually come.
59:31 Dax Shepard? By the way, they were mad you called the fire department and then they forced you to call the police.
59:36 Speaker 06 I know. We still to this day don't know what made them so angry unless there was something they were hiding.
59:42 Dax Shepard? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that these people were already on the last straw with the landlord. Some hijinks happened, which caused this big flood. And then this was gonna be them going, you know what? Get the fuck out. Now we have enough ammo to get you out of here.
59:54 Speaker 06 Well, it didn't. They're still there. Oh, my God.
59:57 Dax Shepard? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So when the police came, a lot of questions. Did you find the phone? Was the video intact? What did the police do when they got there? What happened?
1:00:05 Speaker 06 We could not recover anything on her phone, but we did find her phone. We came back and the cops weren't super helpful because everyone was so intoxicated that they were like, I don't want to deal with this. But they split us all up. They were holding the mother back from us. And they pointed at me and my roommates and they said, you guys are going to jail. The police did?
1:00:24 Dax Shepard? Or the mom.
1:00:25 Speaker 06 No, the police.
1:00:26 Dax Shepard? What the hell's happening?
1:00:27 Speaker 06 What is happening? I had to ask a lot of people because again, there were different levels of being drunk and sober, but they pointed at us and we all responded. We were like, for what? They eventually asked the girls who were assaulted at the party if they wanted to press charges. And they were like, no, we just want to leave. So we kind of turned to everybody and said like, okay, the party's over. Please leave. Thank you so much for coming. And as everyone was leaving, the neighbors were upstairs in their window, like screaming at everyone. And the next morning I called my mom, expecting her to be like, okay, you're moving. She was like, that's crazy. And my uncle actually attended the party. He's lived here for like 26 years. He dipped out before everything happened, but his response was like, welcome to New York. New York, baby.
1:01:10 Dax Shepard? You wanted it, you got it.
1:01:14 Speaker 06 I was so petrified to go to work. I was mortified that this girl came to my party and was choked, you know?
1:01:22 Speaker 06 But I walked into work and everyone who didn't come was like, oh, my God, I heard you threw the best party.
1:01:26 Dax Shepard? Oh, great.
1:01:28 Speaker 06 I gained a lot of friends from that. My coworker that was choked, you could see bruises on her neck. I asked the other neighbors about Jillio, if they knew anything about him. Forgot about Jillio.
1:01:38 Dax Shepard? He was a red herring.
1:01:39 Speaker 06 They were like, I can't believe you let that guy in your apartment. You should have never done that. And we haven't seen him since. So don't know what happened to Jillio. Some lessons learned. Yeah, but that was my first housewarming party in New York City. Wow.
1:01:54 Dax Shepard? Brought me back.
1:01:54 Speaker 06 Is this your apartment still? No, we have since moved.
1:01:58 Dax Shepard? Well, Maddie, that was tasty. I really wish I was at that party, although I would of course been in real dust up with all the whole family.
1:02:04 Speaker 06 Yeah, I mean, also a little girl getting choked.
1:02:07 Dax Shepard? In my mind, I would have prevented that. That's why I want to be there. Yeah, I would have probably been thrown up in the bathroom.
1:02:14 Dax Shepard? And then I would come out and said what I would have done.
1:02:19 Speaker 06 If I have a second, if I could give some shout outs.
1:02:23 Dax Shepard? Let's hear some shout outs.
1:02:24 Speaker 06 First of all, I just want to thank both of you. I'm in New York and I'm acting and pursuing all the things. And it's so reaffirming to hear everyone that you talk to and hear about their journeys and hear about the really good parts and the really bad parts. It keeps me going. And I want to shout out my sister Caroline. She is who got me into this podcast. She just had her second baby, so she's killing it. But we call every week about Armchair Anonymous. I also want to shout out my roommates because without them, this would not have occurred. We have plenty of stories, I'm sure, as you can imagine. And lastly, I want to shout out Anna and Juancho.
1:03:02 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:03:04 Dax Shepard? Oh, my God.
1:03:05 Speaker 01 She texted me today and she said, one of Juancho's best friends is going to be on Armchair Anonymous.
1:03:11 Dax Shepard? So you're from Orlando.
1:03:13 Speaker 06 Yes, sir. Juan and I did theater together. He's truly the best. His family is the best.
1:03:20 Dax Shepard? We love Juancho.
1:03:22 Speaker 01 Shout out Juancho and Anna.
1:03:24 Dax Shepard? Two of the cutest human beings on planet Earth.
1:03:26 Speaker 01 I love that you're best friends with him. It makes sense because you're so cool and he's so cool.
1:03:31 Speaker 06 I call him all the time. I'm like, did you hear about what they said this week? He's like, I don't listen to it.
1:03:37 Dax Shepard? Mandy, delightful meeting you and we will give Juancho your love.
1:03:41 Speaker 01 Yes.
1:03:41 Speaker 06 Thank you so much.
1:03:42 Dax Shepard? All right, take care.
1:03:44 Speaker 01 God, I love when worlds collide.
1:03:46 Dax Shepard? Me too.
1:03:48 Speaker 01 So fun. Parties are fun.
1:03:51 Dax Shepard? They are. Even when they go wrong, you're like, I would have been glad to have been in any one of those.
1:03:55 Speaker 01 Most parties, at least something goes a teeny tiny bit wrong. Even when you're old, I went to a party this weekend. A very adult, nice, small gathering. A couple of friends of the pod were there. There was a whole entire wine spill incident that was hilarious, but was scary.
1:04:15 Dax Shepard? Because it ran the risk of ruining a very expensive, large rug?
1:04:19 Speaker 01 Yes. The hosts were gone. Then we looked on chat about how to fix it and it said, pour baking soda. And then we did that. And then it also, we put sparkling water on it. And then later we read, you're not supposed to saturate. And then we were all like, you know what? It's gonna be okay by morning. And then I did check in in the morning. She said it looked exactly the same.
1:04:43 Dax Shepard? Sure. You forgot the salt. Remember I was telling you, I learned from Curb Your Enthusiasm, you're supposed to dump salt on it. And hope it's not too late. It's the only thing I hope.
1:04:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, so parties are great.
1:04:54 Dax Shepard? Yeah, love you.
1:04:55 Speaker 01 Love you.
1:04:57 Dax Shepard? Do you wanna sing a tune or something? We have a theme song.
1:05:00 Speaker 03 Oh. Okay, great.
1:05:02 Dax Shepard? We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. On the fly, I rhyme dish. On the fly, I rhyme dish. Enjoy.
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