Holiday Dinner 2025

On this special holiday dinner party episode of Armchair Expert, Dax and Monica are joined by Kristen, Amy, Jess, Erick, and Wobby Wob to discuss an early worm burn by Erick’s dad, Jess’s red mustache mastery, which body parts deserve the most attention, how each ranks Christmas, who among them they’d eat if necessary, why “unlimited gathering” is the perfect crime, and what the group is leaving behind in 2025. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ http://www.wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Thank you to our presenting sponsor Audible for supporting this episode. Armchair's Audible's Best of 2025 Collection is here. The year's top audiobooks, podcasts, and originals across every genre. Their editors spent countless hours listening and debating to handpick this year's must listens. If you want to finish the year with something you know is going to hit, check out Audible's Best of 2025 and discover why there's more to imagine when you listen. Go to audible.com/bestof2025. We get support from Quince.

• 0:34Speaker 01

  I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.

• 0:43Dax Shepard?

  I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince, because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up. And everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  $60, $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories. They skip the middlemen and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.

• 1:24Dax Shepard?

  The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time, and he looks iconic.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  It's a uniform.

• 1:34Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:35Speaker 01

  And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully designed furniture. You can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home, too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.

• 1:52Dax Shepard?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  So, welcome to our holiday special. If you have misophonia, sorry.

• 2:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, this is the wrong app.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  This isn't the right app for you. But we have a delicious meal and we invited some of our closest and most eccentric friends and our nicest friend.

• 2:46Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, our worst friend and our best friend.

• 2:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 2:50Dax Shepard?

  In and out.

• 2:51Speaker 01

  To even it all out. And our wife is here as well. And Wabi Wab, who's gonna be in and out.

• 2:57Dax Shepard?

  And we'll let the listener decide who was the nicest and who was...

• 2:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, they need to guess.

• 3:00Dax Shepard?

  The meanest. And maybe in the comments, you know?

• 3:03Speaker 01

  Exactly. And then we're gonna go through some fun questions that the listeners... Yeah, listeners sent questions in that are like fun dinner party questions.

• 3:12Dax Shepard?

  Eric, your dad's wonderfully colorful. Like, I'm gonna try to use euphemisms and not use the word nuts. But was there any in your childhood, big blow up at a family Christmas gathering?

• 3:23Speaker 02

  Whoa, every Christmas. I mean, it would start nice and then drinking would come and then it would be a big sort of blowout. But then it was great for me because I was an only kid and they'd feel guilty and then I'd get a lot of stuff to make up for it, which was fun.

• 3:40Dax Shepard?

  So you're always hoping he would have a real embarrassing episode so he'd have to apologize what gives.

• 3:45Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 3:48Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Eric's starting to cry. We never saw this item.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  I know.

• 3:51Dax Shepard?

  Oh, no, this stuff does hurt, Eric.

• 3:53Speaker 01

  That's what happens on this show.

• 3:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. You tell a story that you thought was funny for the last 20 years and you tell it and you're like, wait, that's a terrible story.

• 4:00Speaker 01

  Were you embarrassed or did you find it funny?

• 4:03Speaker 02

  I don't know if it was embarrassing because it was family, so it wasn't like there were third parties there. But it was kind of predictable. It was really fun at the same time. It would get a little bit scary.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  And you're attracted to that a little bit now as an adult.

• 4:19Speaker 02

  It definitely gave me the ability to deal with chaos a lot better than...

• 4:23Speaker 01

  And cause chaos.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  And cause chaos.

• 4:26Dax Shepard?

  Can you tell the 30-second story about you and Molly being on your honeymoon and you bringing your parents along for some of it and then you guys being in an insanely fancy restaurant in Europe in tuxedos?

• 4:36Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. We were at Villa de Este, which is a well-known hotel in Lake Como. It was very European, and so we're staying there and we're down at the restaurant. And I think it was the night we had checked in. And my parents were already there and they were sitting down. Then Molly and I came later. And I can tell they were a couple Manhattans ahead of us.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 5:00Dax Shepard?

  Of everyone.

• 5:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mom was kind of giving Molly kind of a look that I knew was gonna be dangerous.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  Uh oh.

• 5:08Speaker 02

  And then my dad would do this thing where he would, Jose, what are you doing over there? Jose. I never figured out who Jose was.

• 5:16Speaker 01

  Oh, he was kind of delirious?

• 5:17Speaker 02

  Well, it was like a, yes.

• 5:18Dax Shepard?

  Or was it vaguely a burn on her being Ecuadorian?

• 5:21Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, Molly's from Ecuador.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  No, cuz it was pre Molly.

• 5:25Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 5:26Speaker 01

  It was like a, what's it called? A imaginary friend.

• 5:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he starts looking at Molly, he's like, you're a, you're a worm bait. You're a worm bait. And I'm like, Dad, stop it, you know? This isn't cool. Molly's just sitting there, she doesn't know what's going on.

• 5:45Speaker 01

  And it's your honeymoon, let's remind everyone.

• 5:46Speaker 03

  I think we've really, really sped fast. The fact that he called her worm bait.

• 5:51Speaker 02

  Right.

• 5:52Speaker 03

  Has anyone ever heard that insult before?

• 5:55Dax Shepard?

  As a burn?

• 5:55Speaker 03

  I had never heard it.

• 5:57Speaker 02

  Well, I mean, what's lower than a worm?

• 5:58Speaker 03

  That's how you explained it. The bait, I guess. The degree of the burn was...

• 6:04Dax Shepard?

  Savage.

• 6:04Speaker 03

  It's really rough.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  And for the listener, Molly is our second nicest friend after Amy. Molly's the first.

• 6:11Speaker 03

  No, she's AI, she's so nice.

• 6:12Dax Shepard?

  Beautiful and regal and actually hovers above everyone. So the notion that she was worm bait is pretty funny cuz it's almost the opposite.

• 6:19Speaker 02

  So he keeps doing it and I'm like, look, Anne, you can't do this. You do this, you know, I'm gonna hit you.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 6:27Dax Shepard?

  Cuz you're not at your best either, we should add.

• 6:29Speaker 02

  No, I mean, I'm, I'm taking...

• 6:31Dax Shepard?

  You're not sober yet.

• 6:31Speaker 02

  I'm taking pills. And I don't even remember what I was taking at the time. So we're at this restaurant and all the waiters have their little tuxedos on. And it's very nice and the guests are carrying on very politely. So my dad just keeps doing it and so I just deck my dad.

• 6:52Speaker 02

  And then he decked me. And then...

• 6:55Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  We pushed the table over and all the drinks and everything.

• 7:01Speaker 02

  Villa de Este.

• 7:03Dax Shepard?

  The Beverly Hillbillies have come for dinner.

• 7:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, the Beverly Hillbillies have come for dinner.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  And so we just get on the floor and we're just like.

• 7:10Speaker 04

  Wrestling?

• 7:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, hitting each other on the ground. For some reason, I had a video recorder on, like, on the way home that I still have. And it's just my dad and I yelling at each other and my mom yelling something and Molly's crying.

• 7:23Dax Shepard?

  Everyone's dream honeymoon.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:26Speaker 01

  Speaking of getting hit.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 7:27Speaker 01

  Jess.

• 7:28Speaker 04

  Oh, wow.

• 7:29Speaker 01

  You got hit today.

• 7:30Speaker 04

  I was just having lunch with a restaurant owner. Also funny, one hour before, she's like, do you mind being filmed? My doc, people are following me around. I'm like, okay, that's fine. Great, perfect. So I looked cute. Walk up, she's talking to someone. Right when I walk up, camera on, a homeless guy in a wheelchair. Comes straight up, jittery, little, I'm 6'5". Gets over at me, hey, can you buy me a T-shirt over there? And I go, what? No, man, I'm so sorry, I can't. Punches me right in, right here, in my elbow.

• 8:06Dax Shepard?

  And that was as high as he could go?

• 8:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I didn't flinch. I, okay. That was my reaction, just because it was crazy. And then the owner goes, you gotta get out of here, man. And so he rolled a little further and looked at a lady, bitch. And called the lady. And then I got a little bit more aggressive and then he rolled away.

• 8:25Dax Shepard?

  And it was all on video?

• 8:26Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 8:27Dax Shepard?

  At any point, did you think, this woman's, whatever show she's making, this is part of it?

• 8:32Speaker 01

  I know, like, she planted him.

• 8:33Dax Shepard?

  Like, what if he turned the corner and then you saw him get out of the wheelchair?

• 8:36Speaker 04

  Yes, because the owner did say at some point about the homeless guy, he's really tall. I go, how would you know? He's in a fucking wheelchair.

• 8:44Speaker 01

  That's, oh, that was.

• 8:47Speaker 04

  Oh, no, now this is weird.

• 8:50Dax Shepard?

  You're gonna be in a prank mockumentary.

• 8:51Speaker 04

  I'm so susceptible.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Yesterday, we talked about how susceptible you are.

• 8:55Speaker 04

  But buy me a shirt. Buy me a medium. Like, what, it was so specific. But they're like, are you all right? I'm like, yes, I forget that I'm 6'5", 220. Like, it just helps sometimes. And she would have been at his level.

• 9:08Speaker 01

  Monica, me.

• 9:09Speaker 04

  The punch. Monica's.

• 9:10Dax Shepard?

  He could have got her in the face.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:12Speaker 04

  Neck, anything.

• 9:14Dax Shepard?

  You got licked, right? Did a guy lick your back, your?

• 9:17Speaker 01

  No, he just touched, right? He just touched the spine of my back.

• 9:21Speaker 04

  In a weird like, put a spell on her.

• 9:23Dax Shepard?

  And one other thing before the question is, I think a lot of people, the last time they'll have seen you, is you didn't have a mustache. And so you're in a new phase of your life, and I'm curious, how did you come to decide it? And then how's it been playing out?

• 9:36Speaker 04

  It's been so good.

• 9:37Dax Shepard?

  It is.

• 9:38Speaker 04

  It's been so fun.

• 9:41Speaker 04

  Well, I worked at a restaurant for 26 years and we had to be clean shaven every single day. It's kind of like, never either vampire, like she cuts her hair and then it grows back. You have to look like you did when you got hired. However, you got hired, you have to look like that every day. Even 26 years later. So, razor burn, razor burn, shavy, shavy. So, yeah, I'm playing with the beard, but the beard gets a little gray and white.

• 10:05Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 10:06Speaker 04

  And this stays wet.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  The mustache is wet.

• 10:08Speaker 04

  Yeah. I had shaved a little bit for the mustache from Monica in the beginning. What do you mean it's wet? Red. Oh, oh, got it, got it, got it. Red, and I like it a lot. I think it's in now, maybe I'm just seeing it more, seeing more mustaches.

• 10:21Speaker 01

  It looks handsome on you.

• 10:22Speaker 04

  Thank you so much.

• 10:23Speaker 01

  When I first got in the car and he had a mustache, it was like when Delta said, you don't look like my daddy anymore. It felt like that. I think I did say, oh, what's going on?

• 10:36Dax Shepard?

  Are you covering something on your lip?

• 10:37Speaker 01

  Oh, what's that?

• 10:38Speaker 04

  But then didn't you have like a gay icon on? And they said it's part of the community and you felt bad.

• 10:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, somebody told us that.

• 10:45Speaker 04

  I went to a barber for the first time two years ago in Florida, so now I actually do that. And then they just trim so that you see my lips still. They shave here.

• 10:53Dax Shepard?

  You're going to have that professionally groomed?

• 10:55Speaker 04

  Sometimes, yeah.

• 10:56Dax Shepard?

  Sometimes.

• 10:56Speaker 04

  It's really nice.

• 10:57Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 10:58Speaker 01

  Seeing your lip is a thing, this just came up.

• 11:01Speaker 04

  Yes. Oh, it is?

• 11:02Speaker 01

  What happened? Dax had an experience, a passionate, aggressive experience.

• 11:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I was on set and I happen to know this older actor from another movie I did 20 years ago. So I know her a little bit, but I haven't seen her in a decade or more. And I was on set and she came up to me and she got really close to my face and she grabbed my chin and she said, I like to see your upper lip. You're not shaving this up high enough. I want to see the outline of your upper lip. Because that's what we want to see because we like that part. So I need to shave differently. It was very flirty and fun.

• 11:38Speaker 04

  And direct.

• 11:39Dax Shepard?

  And I loved it. And I did trim differently, which Kristen observed. And then I told her why. Because my new 82 year old lover prefers it that way.

• 11:49Speaker 03

  I do love an older woman who's so come into her own and stopped dealing with most insecurities. I know they never go away, but just was like, no, I'm going to tell this young man something.

• 12:02Speaker 01

  He needs to hear.

• 12:03Speaker 03

  About his face that I feel.

• 12:05Dax Shepard?

  You know, you would be fuckable if you just.

• 12:07Speaker 03

  I so respect the fact that she just came up and was like, listen to me.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  Didn't give a shit.

• 12:12Speaker 03

  Here's some notes.

• 12:13Dax Shepard?

  And I took it to heart.

• 12:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:15Speaker 05

  I've seen men that they chomp on it, like eat it.

• 12:17Dax Shepard?

  Like is it thick or?

• 12:18Speaker 05

  No, it just is grown there and then they won't know anyone's looking at them. And like Ryan's uncle, even Ryan sometimes gets too long and you kiss him and you're like, you gotta cut that back.

• 12:26Speaker 01

  Jess's favorite quality in a person, physical trait, is having a top lip that's as big as the bottom lip.

• 12:35Speaker 04

  I love lips.

• 12:35Speaker 03

  That's rare.

• 12:36Dax Shepard?

  It's so rare.

• 12:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, but so powdy and so.

• 12:40Speaker 03

  That's what you're supposed to do in pictures. I heard the supermodels, they go.

• 12:43Speaker 04

  Yours is close. I remember Dax's bottom lip clearly when we were at the Groundlings together.

• 12:49Dax Shepard?

  It's asymmetric. My top lip doesn't really fit the bottom.

• 12:52Speaker 04

  Was thick.

• 12:53Dax Shepard?

  Enough. It got you past the skinnier upper lip.

• 12:57Speaker 04

  Lips for me, mouths, top.

• 13:00Speaker 01

  What's yours, Kristen?

• 13:01Speaker 03

  My favorite physical feature of someone? Eyes for sure. And it's not even about the shape because there's so many shapes that are pretty. There's so many colors that are pretty or appealing. But there's micro muscles around the eye that tell you a lot about someone, I think. Either invite you in or.

• 13:22Speaker 01

  Windows to the soul.

• 13:23Speaker 03

  Windows to the soul.

• 13:25Speaker 01

  Me?

• 13:26Speaker 05

  Well, my initial thought was obviously the butt. But really, it's the eyes. And she just kind of said it too.

• 13:33Speaker 01

  Tell us about the butt.

• 13:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:35Speaker 01

  That's nice.

• 13:35Dax Shepard?

  I think there could be two different categories. What brings you in? Like, what gets your attention first? And then what part are you most pumped about?

• 13:43Speaker 01

  Interesting.

• 13:43Speaker 05

  I mean, eyes definitely say so much without saying anything, you know?

• 13:47Speaker 01

  It's so funny. I'm not an eyes girl.

• 13:49Speaker 05

  Ooh, I like eyes.

• 13:49Dax Shepard?

  Well, because you can't see, my friend.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:53Speaker 01

  I have bad eyes.

• 13:54Speaker 05

  Also, arms are real nice. I can visualize even like Ryan's arms back in high school, being like, those are some nice arms.

• 14:00Speaker 01

  Arms are mine and hands.

• 14:02Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 14:03Speaker 01

  I'm very into hands. We had a guest on, I won't say who it is.

• 14:07Dax Shepard?

  Portugal the Man.

• 14:08Speaker 01

  Okay, fine, Portugal the Man. We were in the middle of the interview and I was like, oh my. He has such nice... He was kind of meek. I would say he was very, very sweet and he had sort of this meek personality. Yes, but his hands said otherwise. They were strong and big.

• 14:25Dax Shepard?

  Really? A little veiny.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  They had some veins. And I was like, oh.

• 14:29Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  It's not like I'm like, that's what their penis looks like. I know that's a lot...

• 14:34Dax Shepard?

  But it is.

• 14:34Speaker 01

  No, a lot of people say that.

• 14:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, they may say that.

• 14:37Dax Shepard?

  It is.

• 14:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I don't think that's what's happening for me.

• 14:40Dax Shepard?

  Oh, right, right. But you might know on a primitive level, even though you don't know.

• 14:44Speaker 01

  Maybe. I don't know what I know I know.

• 14:46Speaker 04

  Your body knew it.

• 14:48Speaker 01

  My body knew.

• 14:52Dax Shepard?

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert. If you dare. Thanks again to our presenting sponsor, Audible, for their support. So Audible just dropped their Best of 2025 collection. And I gotta say, this is one of those things that actually makes your life easier, Monica. Their editors have been doing the heavy lifting. We're talking countless hours of listening, heated debates, and the whole thing. They've handpicked the year's top audiobooks, podcasts, and originals across all your favorite genres. And what I love is that they're not just highlighting the giant releases, though those are in there. They've also dug up some real hidden gems, the stuff that might have flown under the radar but totally deserves your attention. I love a good recommendation. My queue is out of control, so anytime there's a curated list like this, I breathe.

• 15:35Dax Shepard?

  A little easier. Two titles I'm excited about sunrise on the reaping. Anything Hunger Games related is an automatic ad for me. And someday now, which everyone says is incredibly warm and reflective. If you want something solid to close out the year, this is a great place to start. Check out Audible's best of 2025 and discover why there's more to imagine when you listen. Go to audible.com slash best of 2025. We get support from AG1. Fall is that time when your body and mind are getting ready for the winter. You're settling in, bracing for the cold. Your body's already running a deficit from the shorter days and broken sleep patterns. You don't want a nutrient deficit stacked on top of that, too.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  That's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time. It's giving your body what it needs so the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start. One scoop cold water every morning before anything else.

• 16:30Dax Shepard?

  AG1 Next Gen has 75 plus ingredients, vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotic, superfoods, backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials. Key nutrient levels improved with three months of consistent use.

• 16:44Speaker 01

  That's the part people miss. It's not a one day fix. It's what happens when you stay consistent.

• 16:48Dax Shepard?

  It's an easy, everyday thing. I've added it to my morning routine and I'm going to tell you, I actually love the taste of it. It's like Pavlovian. I drink it and I know I'm going to get that little vitamin buzz.

• 16:58Speaker 01

  Well, that's also the thing. When you do it first thing in the morning, you already feel kind of self-esteem because you're like, I already did something good for myself.

• 17:05Dax Shepard?

  Yes. Go to drinkag1.com slash DAX. And for a limited time, get a free immunity bundle, including a bottle of omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D3 K2 with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com slash DAX. And after checkout, be sure to let them know that Armchair Experts sent you. This episode is supported by Helix.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  Dax, is there anything better than crawling into a perfect bed on a cold fall night? Candlelit, hoodie on, maybe even some rain outside. The dream.

• 17:43Dax Shepard?

  That's the dream. You just described one of my ideal fall nights.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  I know. And thanks to Helix, my bed actually lives up to the vibe. All I had to do was take the Helix Sleep Quiz, and within two minutes, they match me to a mattress built for exactly how I sleep. I have a midnight mattress. It also has cooling technology, which I really

• 18:03Dax Shepard?

  Increasingly so.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  I need it. I have to have it. And I heard that you're supposed to sleep at a cold temp for optimal sleep. It's very, very helpful.

• 18:15Dax Shepard?

  She is not wrong. I have one too, and it's been such a game changer for sleep. And I love that they make it so easy. Free shipping right to your door. And with their happy with Helix guarantee, you'll get a full 365 nights to try it. A whole year to live in that cozy. They've got over 20 mattress models, so no matter how you sleep, they've got one for you.

• 18:35Speaker 01

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• 18:42Dax Shepard?

  Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. helixsleep.com/armchair. This episode is brought to you by ServiceNow. Look, I have my dream job. I get to talk to folks I admire like crazy and ask them virtually any question that I want to. I can't imagine a better way to spend my time. But even dream jobs have some not so dreamy parts. The stuff that gets in the way of the actual work. Now that's where ServiceNow's AI specialists come in. They don't just tell you what you should do about your busy work. They actually

• 19:24Dax Shepard?

  do it, start to finish. Cases closed, requests handled, no extra work for you. So you and your team can focus on what matters most, which for me is, are they obsessed with male bodies on the same level as I am?

• 19:37Speaker 01

  They never are.

• 19:38Dax Shepard?

  To learn how to put AI to work for people, visit servicenow.com.

• 19:49Speaker 01

  Eric, what about you?

• 19:50Speaker 02

  Well, one of them is skin.

• 19:53Speaker 01

  Uh huh. Oh boy, here we go.

• 19:57Speaker 01

  We're getting into controversy immediately.

• 20:00Speaker 02

  That's what I noticed first, I think.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  For the listener, Eric is the one that has given me some tough compliments over the years on my skin.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  I apologize.

• 20:08Dax Shepard?

  But, I mean, not feet?

• 20:11Speaker 02

  Feet are more, because I sold women's shoes for like 10 years, and I saw some gnarly feet, some gnarly women's feet. So I really appreciate a good foot, a good woman's foot.

• 20:23Dax Shepard?

  You kind of became a connoisseur, basically.

• 20:25Speaker 02

  Yeah. I wouldn't say I'm like sexually attracted to feet necessarily. It's more that I could really appreciate a nice, pretty little foot.

• 20:33Dax Shepard?

  And would ugly feet be a deal breaker?

• 20:36Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, okay.

• 20:38Speaker 02

  I mean...

• 20:39Dax Shepard?

  So we could never date?

• 20:40Speaker 02

  If Molly was three sizes bigger and had some corns and, you know, some...

• 20:44Dax Shepard?

  Bunions?

• 20:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. We wouldn't be married. Rob, these cookies are so good.

• 20:50Speaker 03

  You couldn't pay me to get within 10 feet of a nut or a dried fruit in a cookie. And I tasted them to be polite one year, and they are my absolute favorite. I don't know how he does it, but they're incredible. My hair's soaking wet. I know. Look at the back of my hair.

• 21:06Dax Shepard?

  I've been wiping consistently this whole meal. An astute person might think, oh, fuck, he's on meth. But you'd have to say, look how much he just ate. He's not on meth.

• 21:16Speaker 03

  Unreal. Bobby.

• 21:18Speaker 05

  Well done.

• 21:19Speaker 03

  Really well done.

• 21:20Dax Shepard?

  Before we get into the questions, I have one last question, and it's basically, I want everyone to tell us out of 10, how much you love Christmas. Like, is Christmas your favorite holiday? Is Christmas a mid-level? I think out of 10, Jess, you can use the 100 scale. I know you prefer that.

• 21:37Dax Shepard?

  Jess, where do you put it? Don't say 92.

• 21:40Speaker 04

  No, what, no.

• 21:41Dax Shepard?

  What do you mean why?

• 21:42Speaker 01

  I would never.

• 21:42Dax Shepard?

  Why would you say 92? Every movie you've ever seen, ever seen, is 92.

• 21:47Speaker 04

  I just go in liking things.

• 21:50Speaker 01

  He's just a positive boy.

• 21:51Speaker 04

  I really do see the best in everything. Also, I don't go to things that I already know that I'm not gonna like.

• 21:56Dax Shepard?

  You only go to seen movies you've already seen.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  He only goes to 92s.

• 21:59Speaker 04

  No, 92s.

• 22:00Dax Shepard?

  He's got an app on his phone.

• 22:02Speaker 04

  I just saw Eternity. I really liked it. I cried.

• 22:05Speaker 01

  92.

• 22:05Speaker 04

  92.

• 22:06Dax Shepard?

  92 all the way.

• 22:07Speaker 04

  This is not great, guys, but Christmas is not one of my thingies. I get sad a little bit. I get a little lonely.

• 22:14Speaker 01

  That's common.

• 22:15Dax Shepard?

  That's good. We need it about Humbug.

• 22:17Speaker 04

  And I stopped kinda doing gifts with my family a little bit here and there. We hang out a little bit and it's good and I enjoy eggnog. So the eggnog got me too in 79.

• 22:26Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. Okay, so that's a C+.

• 22:30Dax Shepard?

  Again, you are a high score, cuz from everything you just said, I'm waiting for a 60.

• 22:35Speaker 04

  No, no, no. I live, I don't, what is that?

• 22:37Dax Shepard?

  You've never, right, yeah, I can't imagine you've ever given anything a 60.

• 22:40Speaker 04

  I enjoy.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  His worst day is a 77. But I do think that you like some of the traditions around Christmas. So maybe that updated a little bit? Like Amy and Ryan's Christmas party.

• 22:54Speaker 04

  Love that. Love what we do. We get our tree and we get our kid. That was really, really nice. We have a really beautiful kid this year. This is our third baby.

• 23:01Speaker 01

  Do you wanna tell them how the birth went?

• 23:03Speaker 04

  Um, it was geriatric. I mean, we.

• 23:07Speaker 01

  It was a geriatric pregnancy.

• 23:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:08Speaker 01

  Cuz I'm getting older.

• 23:10Speaker 04

  We normally just go in, we immediately know this is our baby. And this one was rough to find and hit and miss.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  The umbilical cord was a little stuck.

• 23:18Speaker 04

  What are we talking about? Our Christmas tree. Oh, oh, oh.

• 23:21Dax Shepard?

  No one knows. The listener doesn't know. We don't know.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  Yes, it's been so clear.

• 23:26Speaker 05

  Their baby tree.

• 23:27Speaker 01

  We have a tree baby once a year and it ages quickly. Like by the time.

• 23:32Dax Shepard?

  It has progeria.

• 23:33Speaker 01

  Yes, it does. By the time I come home from the holidays, it's dead. It's lived a long, long, long life. Like, right now, our baby is like 34.

• 23:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, and we've had her seven days.

• 23:47Speaker 02

  Wait, how do you have a baby tree together if you don't live together?

• 23:50Speaker 04

  Because I come to visit.

• 23:51Speaker 01

  Excuse me.

• 23:51Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 23:52Dax Shepard?

  A lot of people get people pregnant that don't live together.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 23:54Speaker 03

  They pick it out together.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  Oh, you're acting like you had the baby.

• 23:58Speaker 03

  When they picked it out.

• 23:59Speaker 02

  I thought you were talking like you went to a Christmas tree lot and picked out a tree.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  We did.

• 24:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 24:04Dax Shepard?

  And that's their baby.

• 24:05Speaker 02

  That's their baby. So it's like more of adopted baby.

• 24:08Speaker 01

  No, we had it.

• 24:09Speaker 04

  And I have to put the lights on. It's hard.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:13Dax Shepard?

  Even at 6'5".

• 24:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, like I'm sweating. Also, I can sense that I'm not doing it right.

• 24:18Speaker 01

  No.

• 24:19Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no. You're really give and take. You're really making me feel safe.

• 24:23Dax Shepard?

  You're the female equivalent of Ken Kennedy, which is like he does everything right. He's kind of a perfectionist and everything you're doing around him, you're like, I'm not fucking this up by some measure.

• 24:30Speaker 04

  I don't have a good eye for stuff like that.

• 24:33Speaker 03

  Can I ask you a question about how you do the lights? Because we recently got into this about how you do the lights. Cause I did them this year and do you go around the tree? You do. And don't you find that it's...

• 24:43Speaker 04

  And holding it and then stuff in the top and then dragging them and then some...

• 24:47Speaker 03

  You start from the top. That's insanity. So if she was looking at you funny, I think.

• 24:51Speaker 04

  No, that's...

• 24:52Speaker 02

  Start on the top.

• 24:52Dax Shepard?

  You have to start on the top.

• 24:54Speaker 03

  I have to start on the bottom.

• 24:54Dax Shepard?

  There's no way you'll predict where it'll end.

• 24:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, but you have good judgment.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  You'll eye it.

• 24:59Speaker 03

  I have to because of the star.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  Plug it.

• 25:01Speaker 03

  Plug in the star at the top. You need the butt.

• 25:03Dax Shepard?

  No, put the star on, then start your strand go around and then at the end, if you're running low, then you put the bottom one on and you can just tuck it behind the tree.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  That's what we do.

• 25:12Speaker 03

  I could see that, but my question about the either or is if you go all the way around, to me, that's so much more work than just going, how would you describe that?

• 25:21Dax Shepard?

  Back and forth zigzag.

• 25:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, a zigzag. No, but you go all the way around to the back, but you don't have to actually physically go.

• 25:27Dax Shepard?

  Step behind the tree.

• 25:29Speaker 01

  That's interesting.

• 25:30Speaker 03

  And then when you take them off, you just pull.

• 25:32Speaker 01

  Oh, that's cool.

• 25:33Dax Shepard?

  That's great. That part I agree with you is brilliant. But the back of it then looks like kind of a suture.

• 25:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:39Speaker 01

  Looking at the back of your tree.

• 25:40Dax Shepard?

  Great point.

• 25:41Speaker 01

  Unfortunately, at my apartment, there's a mirror right behind the tree.

• 25:45Speaker 03

  Do you spend a lot of time staring into that mirror at the back of the tree? Okay, well then, yeah, you can't do it.

• 25:49Speaker 01

  They can't do it.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  Can I say one more thing about the suture? I don't think it's gonna look like a suture because the cord is green and the lights are colored and bright. So it's really... And they're spaced out. And they're all scattywampus. Anyway, I don't think it...

• 26:03Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 26:04Speaker 01

  That's fair.

• 26:04Speaker 03

  I'm gonna stand by it.

• 26:05Dax Shepard?

  Ames?

• 26:06Speaker 01

  A 10 for me.

• 26:07Dax Shepard?

  I'm with you, girl.

• 26:08Speaker 01

  Favorite holiday.

• 26:08Dax Shepard?

  I think you're the only practicing Christian in the group. Unless I don't know that Rob is. He doesn't speak often on his religious views. Do you have an extra gear? And I say this very sincerely, because for me, it's a fucking 10. Now, I imagine if I really thought this was also the birthday of my favorite dude, like, does that up it, do you think?

• 26:28Speaker 05

  100%.

• 26:29Dax Shepard?

  It does. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:31Dax Shepard?

  You do feel like, oh, yeah, I'm so glad he was born today.

• 26:35Speaker 05

  Absolutely.

• 26:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:36Speaker 05

  It's like the most exciting gift the world's ever been given.

• 26:39Dax Shepard?

  Nice.

• 26:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's so sweet. And that's the whole point. We get to do all the fun things we love to do in celebration of it.

• 26:44Dax Shepard?

  Have you ever been like, all these bozos and jamones shouldn't be celebrating this if they're not down with the fact that this is all about this guy that you don't believe in? Like, you guys are all posers. Is that ever?

• 26:54Speaker 05

  No, because I don't think that you're claiming to celebrate necessarily that. You're just celebrating all the things that come along with Christmas. I do maybe think like, oh, I wish that they got to experience what the joy and the hope and the peace that is brought with this gift of Jesus.

• 27:08Dax Shepard?

  But yeah.

• 27:09Speaker 05

  Might as well celebrate away.

• 27:10Dax Shepard?

  You've never been like, hey, get off my holiday. Either you believe or you don't. You don't get to like.

• 27:15Speaker 01

  That's because she's a real Christian.

• 27:17Dax Shepard?

  But don't you would agree to? What's fun is I can imagine believing in Jesus, and I know what he's all about. So he wouldn't mind at all. He'd still want us to probably celebrate.

• 27:27Speaker 05

  Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, and me judging people, that would make anyone feel good. So what's the point of that? That doesn't make any sense.

• 27:35Dax Shepard?

  But you could secretly.

• 27:36Speaker 05

  No.

• 27:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would be.

• 27:38Dax Shepard?

  You would.

• 27:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'd be like.

• 27:39Dax Shepard?

  Well, yeah, because there is a peptide that's going to make Eric and I your color. And you're like, this is bullshit.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  That is not the same thing at all.

• 27:47Dax Shepard?

  It's almost the same exact thing.

• 27:49Speaker 01

  Trouble following that one as well, and I can usually follow you pretty good.

• 27:52Dax Shepard?

  Because she's like, you don't get to be Indian when it's convenient to you. Like, you don't get to take a peptide to be Indian when you want to look tan. That's her point.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  That is my point, yeah.

• 28:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, which is, that would be a good parallel to the like, you don't get to be Christian on just this day.

• 28:04Speaker 01

  But people who like Christmas aren't necessarily saying they're Christian. If they on that day were like, yeah, I'm Christian, that would probably be bad.

• 28:12Dax Shepard?

  We're not saying we're Indian. We're just saying we share the same. Beautiful complexion as Indians.

• 28:17Speaker 02

  I'm Indian.

• 28:18Dax Shepard?

  Still passed.

• 28:19Speaker 03

  He said I'm Indian.

• 28:20Dax Shepard?

  You did say you were Native American, yes.

• 28:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:24Dax Shepard?

  And you believed it in your defense.

• 28:26Speaker 02

  For a long time.

• 28:26Dax Shepard?

  Until 23 and 18.

• 28:28Speaker 03

  When I was growing up, there were a lot of religious communities intermingling of different sorts, and then some people who weren't religious. And we called the people who went to church on only Christmas and Easter, we called them Cheaters.

• 28:41Dax Shepard?

  That's a good burn. It's a very Christian burn. It's a very PG burn.

• 28:47Speaker 01

  Rob, wabi-wab?

• 28:49Dax Shepard?

  We're nine and a half.

• 28:50Speaker 01

  Nine and a half.

• 28:51Dax Shepard?

  Nice, really strong. It's as high as my scale goes. I think it's gone up since having kids. It was not always nine and a half. I take it pretty seriously. We have spreadsheets where here's gifts from Santa for the stocking that we're bringing. Has it arrived? Has it ordered? Has it wrapped? You guys are so fucking organized.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  Because you travel.

• 29:10Dax Shepard?

  Well, it's because we travel. We avoid.

• 29:12Speaker 03

  Very impressive.

• 29:13Dax Shepard?

  Family on Christmas.

• 29:15Speaker 02

  Ooh, that's nice.

• 29:16Speaker 01

  That's hard to do.

• 29:17Dax Shepard?

  We leave LA and go see friends. Yeah, that's what we do for Thanksgiving.

• 29:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:22Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. Oh, I want to lodge one complaint. I have a single complaint about Christmas, which was growing up when I would go to these aunts and uncles and we would all get our presents. Every one of them would go, "Hey, Daxer, I got you a Christmas and birthday present." Same, because my birthday is January 2nd. And then I would look over and I'm like, "That's interesting. My brother got the same present." It's not his birthday.

• 29:42Speaker 02

  It's a scam.

• 29:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, there's a lot of that bullshit going around.

• 29:46Speaker 03

  It's really upsetting.

• 29:47Dax Shepard?

  So, that's my one grievance. Still 100.

• 29:50Speaker 01

  Okay, should we do a few questions?

• 29:52Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 29:53Speaker 01

  Okay, let's start with this one. If you were trapped slash lost in the wilderness with no food and had to eat someone who's currently present at the holiday dinner to save everyone, who would it be? This is tough.

• 30:10Dax Shepard?

  Well, I'll tell you why this is a complicated question, because you could go either way. It's like... Who would we least miss? And then who would be most delicious?

• 30:17Speaker 03

  When I was in college, my friends Ariel and Jennifer and I, when we'd go to a bar and there would be a lot of leering guys, we used to walk up to one of them at the bar, like all three of us, and be like, hi, and start a flirty conversation and be like, we just have a question. Which one of us is the prettiest?

• 30:34Speaker 03

  Just to get them very, very uncomfortable.

• 30:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. Eric would pass that in one second, be like, you.

• 30:40Speaker 02

  There's also an efficiency answer, like who would be best to kill? So we'd kill Jess, because you want to only have to kill one person.

• 30:47Dax Shepard?

  To feed everyone.

• 30:48Speaker 02

  To feed everybody.

• 30:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's part of the meat.

• 30:50Speaker 02

  Versus you and Kristen are like one Jess.

• 30:52Speaker 03

  That's what I'm saying, there's less meat.

• 30:54Speaker 04

  I just really want to eat boobs, though.

• 30:55Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 30:58Speaker 04

  Your boobs would be delicatessen. They're so fluffy and meaty.

• 31:02Speaker 03

  But they're fatty.

• 31:03Speaker 04

  I know, but I'm like, yeah, I won't take Tristan.

• 31:05Dax Shepard?

  That's why ribeye's so good, so much fat. Jess picked Monica, great.

• 31:09Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 31:09Speaker 04

  I'd want to eat her. I think everything about you, like, I don't want some of Eric's face.

• 31:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. You know I taste weird.

• 31:16Speaker 04

  I think you would taste gamey.

• 31:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:19Speaker 03

  Because of all his peptides.

• 31:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You would taste good, I really do, and I really would start with your boobs.

• 31:25Dax Shepard?

  And then move to your vagina.

• 31:26Speaker 02

  Because you're...

• 31:27Speaker 03

  Not for you.

• 31:29Speaker 04

  No, I'd eat around it. Rob, who would you like to eat?

• 31:32Dax Shepard?

  I'm just going on an amount of meat, so it's between you and Jess. Oh, wow, I'm so flattered. I'm really, I thought for sure no one's gonna pick me.

• 31:39Speaker 03

  Really?

• 31:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 31:40Speaker 03

  I would pick you.

• 31:41Speaker 04

  You would?

• 31:42Speaker 03

  Because I feel like I know what you put into your body. I see how you take care of it. It's very muscular, and I want a little meat on the bone. It's not that I don't want to taste your boobs, but it's just I would prefer the protein over...

• 31:56Dax Shepard?

  You're on a high protein diet.

• 31:57Speaker 03

  I'm on a high protein diet. I'm trying to get through perimenopause, guys, so...

• 32:01Dax Shepard?

  No osteo. Raise your glass to that.

• 32:03Speaker 03

  That way, remember we used to all say that we would eat Amy's poop?

• 32:07Dax Shepard?

  Well, I was gonna say, we all said we'd have a fecal transplant. If there was something... One member of the pod, we would all want a fecal transplant from. It was unanimously, Amy.

• 32:15Speaker 05

  I'd eat her poop. Don't eat the poop, guys. No one has to eat anyone's poop. You just put my poop up your butt. You don't actually eat it. You just put it up the butt.

• 32:23Speaker 01

  We might want to try it.

• 32:25Dax Shepard?

  Eric?

• 32:25Speaker 02

  I would definitely eat Monica.

• 32:27Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 32:27Speaker 02

  I mean.

• 32:28Speaker 05

  There you go. Because.

• 32:29Dax Shepard?

  In fact, I want, I can't wait.

• 32:30Speaker 02

  Cause your skin is so nice. Look at how nice her skin is.

• 32:34Speaker 04

  I agree.

• 32:34Speaker 02

  I love that skin.

• 32:36Speaker 05

  What if it has zits all over it at the time?

• 32:37Speaker 02

  That dark skin, yeah.

• 32:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, her feet are his favorite.

• 32:41Speaker 02

  Those feet, those nice little fives.

• 32:43Speaker 01

  I would sacrifice myself. If we were really in this scenario, I would have to sacrifice myself because I don't have kids. I thought that was gonna come up.

• 32:51Speaker 05

  No.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  Not even a thought in my mind.

• 32:53Dax Shepard?

  Ethical?

• 32:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's more ethical. It's like if one of us has to get run over by a car, it has to be me.

• 32:58Dax Shepard?

  I'm older than you, I'll die.

• 33:00Speaker 01

  No.

• 33:01Dax Shepard?

  We both don't have kids.

• 33:02Speaker 02

  It's logical for me because I'm the oldest.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  No, but you have two children. Who need you.

• 33:07Speaker 02

  They're already grown.

• 33:08Dax Shepard?

  They're almost across the finish line.

• 33:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:10Dax Shepard?

  They're both great.

• 33:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh, I got a big life insurance policy. So, I would love.

• 33:15Dax Shepard?

  Better for them.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  I want to hit that life insurance policy. It expires when I'm 63, I think, so I'm coming up.

• 33:21Dax Shepard?

  You're incentivized to be.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  If something happens to Eric, well, no.

• 33:29Dax Shepard?

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare. We get support from our sponsor, Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Glee Ron. Foundo is a once-daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off. Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it or if you or someone in your family had

• 34:11Dax Shepard?

  medullary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrineoplasia syndrome type 2. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes. If you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be, or taking birth control. pills and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundao with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems. Once Daily Foundao is available by prescription only in 0.8 milligram, 2.5 milligram, 5.5 milligram, 9 milligram, 14.5 milligram, and 17.2 milligram tablets. Learn more at foundao.lily.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX.

• 34:55Dax Shepard?

  Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundao. We get support from Instagram teen accounts. So we talk a lot on this show about how the world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?

• 35:14Speaker 01

  Which is a fair question.

• 35:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so Instagram has got something called teen accounts and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them. And time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10:00 PM to 7:00 AM.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  Sleep mode is genius.

• 35:43Dax Shepard?

  Right? And here's the thing, for anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age appropriate experiences for teens.

• 35:58Speaker 01

  I am really glad Instagram is helping to give parents peace of mind with teen accounts.

• 36:02Dax Shepard?

  Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts. We get support from SKIMS. So Monica just informed me that she's a girl's girl and I nodded like I knew exactly what that meant.

• 36:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, but the girls who get it, they get it.

• 36:22Dax Shepard?

  Okay, but for those of us who are clearly not girls, walk me through it.

• 36:26Speaker 01

  Well, you know how much I love my SKIMS fleece joggers because the plush fleece is so soft, it's cozy, it's really comfortable without feeling too heavy. Well, I went to friend them and she would not stop talking about how comfy they were. She almost didn't give them back to me, which was upsetting, but I'm a girl's girl, so I let her have it.

• 36:43Dax Shepard?

  Great, great, great.

• 36:44Speaker 01

  So the sleep sets are awesome because they are very soft and comfortable, but they're cute. If I'm in my sleep set, I feel fine about going down the street to pick up my food. I'm still looking cute, but I'm comfy and I'm cozy.

• 36:58Dax Shepard?

  Roger.

• 36:59Speaker 01

  A really fun thing to do is if you're going on vacation with your girlfriends, to get matching Skims pajamas. I've done this with Callie and it is so fun. First of all, the pics are so cute, but also it's just fun and friendship.

• 37:11Dax Shepard?

  So a girl's girl is looking out for your friends with better loungewear. I get it. Am I one of your girls now?

• 37:17Speaker 01

  You are. You and the other girlies can shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows.

• 37:31Dax Shepard?

  If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. It's destroying athlete, creator, and YouTube Maxer. YouTube Premium enhances how I use YouTube with awesome features like offline downloads, so I can download my favorite training videos before I hit the gym. So no Wi-Fi doesn't turn leg day into loading day. Plus, I get ad-free videos, background play, and so much more. YouTube Premium is like YouTube got some extra gains. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium.

• 38:01Speaker 06

  Hey, what's up, guys? It's Haley Bailey. Okay, I need to tell you about something. I just got YouTube Premium. It's got tons of awesome features like offline downloads, so I can download my favorite videos before I travel and watch them whenever I don't have Wi-Fi. Because we all know airplane Wi-Fi is the worst. I get ad-free, I get background play, and there's like a ton more in there. You should try it. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. So try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. That's a mouthful.

• 38:36Dax Shepard?

  Monty, who would you eat?

• 38:37Speaker 01

  I said Amy.

• 38:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you did?

• 38:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay.

• 38:39Speaker 05

  Clean.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  So clean, but protein. I'd really miss you, though. And the whole thing would fall apart because you're the one keeping everyone together and nice. So we'd all end up eating each other once you were gone.

• 38:51Speaker 05

  Good thing this is not a real, real thing.

• 38:53Speaker 01

  It is a good thing.

• 38:54Dax Shepard?

  Amy, did you pick?

• 38:55Speaker 05

  I would just let you guys eat meat. That would be the easiest decision for me.

• 38:58Speaker 01

  I don't think I could pick. I don't think I could.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  You have to pick or all your kids die.

• 39:02Dax Shepard?

  Okay, now we're getting somewhere. Here comes Santa.

• 39:07Speaker 05

  And again, it goes to probably, yeah, Dax or Jess, the most meat and the most sustenance. Yeah.

• 39:14Speaker 02

  I feel a little insulted. I didn't get picked or anything.

• 39:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're just not as big.

• 39:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:21Dax Shepard?

  I mean, we think we weigh the exact same.

• 39:23Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 39:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:24Dax Shepard?

  Probably.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  You're a little lighter than me, I think.

• 39:25Dax Shepard?

  What do you weigh?

• 39:26Speaker 02

  Like 194 and 1/2.

• 39:28Dax Shepard?

  Oh, no, you're lighter. You weigh 5 pounds.

• 39:31Speaker 01

  It's because of all the peptides. You just put so much peptides in you. You do too, kind of. Not as much as him, though.

• 39:38Dax Shepard?

  I don't know. We're pretty peptide skilled.

• 39:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're on the same cocktail.

• 39:43Speaker 01

  I'll pick you then, instead.

• 39:45Speaker 02

  Okay, thank you.

• 39:46Speaker 01

  Huh. Wait, okay. This is a question. Girlfriend and I stand to inherit a lot of money. If we don't come out to our families, what do we do?

• 39:57Speaker 02

  Oh, for sure. I have this conversation with people all the time.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  You do? I barely understand. You understood that question?

• 40:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, these people who have...

• 40:05Dax Shepard?

  He has it all the time.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, these people who have in-laws and they're hard to get along with their parents, but they're rich. And you look at it as you go to whatever Christmas, Thanksgiving, and you just look at it as like an hourly wage. Let's say these people are worth $10 million, the parents. So they spend 150 hours with them over the next 10 years. And I don't know what it breaks down to, but I'm sure it's over $10 grand an hour. I mean, if you've got rich relatives, you have got to kiss their ass for the inheritance. And there's, you know, people are so proud. Oh, well, I don't need anything from my wife's parents or my parents. I'm going to make it on my own. On my own, like fuck you. Take the money.

• 40:46Speaker 01

  What? No, that's not true.

• 40:48Speaker 02

  It's ridiculous, this principle that you're not gonna be nice to the in-laws because they're not right politics or whatever it is when you can get all that money.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  Identity, it sounds like, right? You followed it as well.

• 41:01Speaker 02

  What do you mean their identity?

• 41:02Dax Shepard?

  Well, they're saying, we are only accepting of you if you're in a heterosexual relationship. We're only gonna pass our money on to you if you're in a heterosexual. Let's say, I'll even make a great argument for them. They're like, this is general rational wealth. We want you to have kids and pass it to those kids and they have kids and carry on the family name. And that's what we want.

• 41:18Speaker 02

  So yeah, act like you're straight or whatever, take the money.

• 41:21Dax Shepard?

  You hire someone, that person makes a ton too. Like, hey, you gotta come to Christmas with me. It's just like you're trying to get your green card. It's all a ruse. And you pay them really good.

• 41:30Speaker 02

  Right.

• 41:31Dax Shepard?

  Your fake wife or husband.

• 41:32Speaker 02

  Right. I mean, if you had parents who were worth a hundred million dollars, you'd figure out how to get that.

• 41:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 41:37Speaker 01

  But then you gotta ask yourself, are you okay with reserving that portion of your identity to just yourself or your inner circle and not to those family members?

• 41:46Dax Shepard?

  I think that's the counter argument, right? Is they would go like, I'm not gonna pretend I'm someone else for money. I don't think it matters if those people are receiving a lie. They asked to be lied to with this preposterous condition. So it's like, you're not straight because they wanted you to be straight. You're not straight. You know it, the person you love knows it, everyone that you care about knows it. This handful of knuckleheads doesn't know it because they wanted you to lie to them. So fuck them, lie to them.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  Then you have to spend time with them. I guess that's the other thing, like you're deciding to.

• 42:16Speaker 02

  That's where you gotta get to the like $10,000 an hour is a lot of money to spend.

• 42:21Dax Shepard?

  It could be like two holidays a year for most people.

• 42:23Speaker 01

  But there's something about having their money, it's like blood money.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  No.

• 42:28Dax Shepard?

  You just make a mental decision. This really makes me feel fraudulent and betraying myself. Or you can decide, I'm not betraying myself. And I would just decide, I'm not betraying myself. I'm getting $10 million for fucking a few weekends a year. And me and the person I love are gonna have this great life because of it.

• 42:44Speaker 01

  I think whatever you choose is fine, it's ethical. But I don't think it's bad to decide not to take it. I understand wanting to be like, free.

• 42:53Speaker 05

  Because they could come with so much more time if they expect them to get married to someone. It's not like they're getting the inheritance tomorrow. They have to make decision. They'll have to play the game for the rest of their life.

• 43:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, what if the game is that they now have to be straight?

• 43:05Dax Shepard?

  And start slowly poisoning them in a way that is undetectable. Did you have a little time on your hands?

• 43:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:11Dax Shepard?

  Does it change if we make it race? Like it's a white, east coast, blue blood family and they're like, we're only giving you your inheritance if you marry a white woman. And then you're really in love with a black woman. And then you gotta tell the black woman, I have to take this white chick to the thing to get the inheritance. Does it feel worse or the same? It does, and why?

• 43:31Speaker 01

  Why? Because?

• 43:32Dax Shepard?

  You know, it shouldn't, in a weird way.

• 43:34Speaker 02

  No, that's completely worse because...

• 43:37Dax Shepard?

  Well, we're saying racism's worse than homophobia, which is interesting.

• 43:40Speaker 01

  No, some, a person on the other end of it, like, I would never be okay with that. The person of color is gonna be like, fuck you, goodbye.

• 43:51Dax Shepard?

  Right, and so the partner might feel that way.

• 43:54Speaker 01

  Well, we don't...

• 43:54Dax Shepard?

  Unless they're both in that situation.

• 43:56Speaker 01

  Right, oh, if they have a gay partner.

• 43:59Dax Shepard?

  Then it's apples to apples, really. It's like, you're ashamed, you know, that's what you would think.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  Well, then, yeah, if that's true, if they have a partner, then no, you can't take the money. Like, you can't then leave that person.

• 44:08Speaker 02

  The partner may want the money.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  Or, yeah.

• 44:11Speaker 02

  I mean, think about who the joke's on, the parents.

• 44:13Speaker 05

  I more than anything want the parents to get fucked in this scenario.

• 44:16Speaker 02

  Right, exactly, that's what I'm saying.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  To Amy's point, like, for how long? The partner just sits at home for the rest of their life?

• 44:23Dax Shepard?

  There's a third option that also might be true, which is like, you could call their bluff. They probably are still gonna give you your inheritance. You're their child, they've done this, they've threatened you. This is why money is cancerous in so many ways, because the older folks tried to control the younger generation with this money leverage. But often it's bullshit. You're still getting the money.

• 44:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:44Speaker 05

  What brings you happiness at the end of the day? Is it the relationship or the money?

• 44:47Dax Shepard?

  The real win might be like, no, I'm not playing that game. I'm gonna go live my life and I got the money anyways. So that's likely and worth exploring.

• 44:54Speaker 02

  And I think it's different if you have rich parents. I don't have rich parents. So I think if you have rich parents, there's a thing about them controlling you that you hate.

• 45:01Dax Shepard?

  Right, that I don't have the baggage of either.

• 45:03Speaker 02

  Right.

• 45:03Speaker 05

  And that's giving the money the power at the end of the day.

• 45:05Dax Shepard?

  Trying to leverage that to control my life. And in that case, I would be like, fuck you, I won't be controlled for money.

• 45:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay, that was interesting. If you could commit any crime without legal or moral repercussions, what would you pick?

• 45:18Speaker 03

  I don't know what mine would be. I would be a thief. I'm gonna use a perfect example. I would take that headband off your head and I would wear it. And I'd put it in my closet and it would not be yours anymore.

• 45:30Speaker 01

  Is that what happened to the shoes you borrowed?

• 45:31Speaker 03

  Listen, I have definitely thought. I just said to Anna the other day. Monica's nuts if she thinks she's getting these shoes.

• 45:40Speaker 05

  She knows where to get them if she needs them.

• 45:41Speaker 03

  But I did, weirdly, I did bring them the other day when we all hung out. I just forgot to get them to you. You will get them back.

• 45:45Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 45:46Speaker 03

  I appreciate. But yeah, I would take things off of people physically, like a ferret. If I saw something shiny or that I liked, I'd be like, ooh, I like those shoes. Ooh, I like that earring. I'm gonna take it. Ooh, I like that. That's mine now.

• 45:58Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 45:58Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 45:58Dax Shepard?

  Unlimited gathering.

• 45:59Speaker 03

  Unlimited gathering.

• 46:00Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 46:01Dax Shepard?

  Guilt free.

• 46:02Speaker 01

  So you'd also shoplift then? Let's add that to the mix. Cause that's like you're in a store and you're like, I want it.

• 46:07Speaker 03

  Sure, but what's funny is I'm less inclined to do that because in a store, there's too many options. Again, you have to understand, my brain works in a very specific way that if there's too many options, I get overwhelmed really, really easily. And I really have to like sit there and stare at everything and process. I know that headband, there are a hundred thousand headbands to choose from. That one looks great because you're making it look great and I'm gonna take it. And it's mine.

• 46:33Speaker 05

  And it's like in the moment. You're just seeing it right there and you're like, I gotta have it.

• 46:36Speaker 03

  Oh, it looks so pretty.

• 46:37Dax Shepard?

  I have one. I would kill Putin.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was gonna say, I imagine someone would kill like a leader, a foreign leader.

• 46:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I'd kill the fuck out of him and I'd have a good time doing it.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  That could backfire big time though, cause you could have a worse person come in power or you can have a nuclear, at least we haven't been in a nuclear war.

• 46:54Dax Shepard?

  I mean.

• 46:55Speaker 01

  That is a risk.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  What if you killed Putin and then there was a nuclear war?

• 46:58Dax Shepard?

  That man will go down in history as one of the most successful administrators of power. The way he has silenced the media and the way he's imprisoned his enemies. He is a genius on that level. I don't think he could be replaced by someone as savvy as him. I think there'd be a string of, like their previous presidents.

• 47:18Speaker 02

  Right.

• 47:19Dax Shepard?

  I just think he is uniquely, he was raised by the KGB.

• 47:23Speaker 02

  Right.

• 47:24Dax Shepard?

  You know, he is a unique individual that has somehow kept power over that country like he Was born a king. He's been in power for like thirty years at this point. He's not going anywhere.

• 47:34Speaker 02

  But at the same time, you're not really worried about being in a nuclear war.

• 47:38Dax Shepard?

  I think a lot of us have been watching this Ukraine thing going, God, what's the limit to this?

• 47:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I have not felt incredibly at ease about that.

• 47:46Speaker 05

  I mean, this feels impossible because they all feel like they have a moral repercussion. I don't have a desire really in my heart to do that. But I did really love the cartoon Robin Hood. And I always thought it'd be fun to steal from the rich and then give it to the poor because they have too much.

• 48:01Speaker 01

  Even it all out.

• 48:01Speaker 05

  Even it out a little bit, however you do that.

• 48:03Dax Shepard?

  And let's say you've got an all you can eat bar of billionaires, right? You've got Bezos you could knock off, you got Gates, you got Zuckerberg. And you got Elon. It's like, I wouldn't feel terrible about.

• 48:15Speaker 05

  They would probably not even notice. And then you'd be do so much good with it. That's the.

• 48:18Speaker 01

  I think.

• 48:19Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Jennifer.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  I think it's so funny because I think most people fantasize about the Robin Hood idea. But taxes is the Robin Hood idea. It is taking from the rich and trying to disseminate it out.

• 48:34Speaker 05

  That's the part it misses, I feel.

• 48:35Speaker 01

  And so like, I think a lot of people who don't want taxes would also say like, yeah, Robin Hood. Not you, you aren't in that camp. But I feel like Elon, maybe Elon wouldn't say he wants a Robin Hood situation.

• 48:49Speaker 04

  I would do the tax fraud.

• 48:51Dax Shepard?

  Tax fraud?

• 48:51Speaker 04

  I don't know. Is that illegal?

• 48:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:54Speaker 05

  That's what fraud.

• 48:55Speaker 04

  I'm making that one.

• 48:55Speaker 02

  You gotta make a lot of money to have tax fraud though, be yours.

• 48:59Speaker 04

  I'm not making a lot of money, but I'm already in a little bit of tax stuff right now.

• 49:03Speaker 01

  You don't want it. You're not gonna pay taxes.

• 49:06Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah. Good for you.

• 49:07Speaker 04

  And I'm just gonna, yeah.

• 49:09Dax Shepard?

  Right after the Robin Hood coming. I love it.

• 49:13Speaker 04

  Like, I agree with that. And also, I shouldn't pay taxes.

• 49:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what most, I think that's what most people think.

• 49:18Speaker 05

  Well, if they were distributed really well, that'd be nice.

• 49:55Dax Shepard?

  Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska. And in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.

• 50:05Dax Shepard?

  Do you have one, Eric?

• 50:05Speaker 02

  Well, I definitely wouldn't steal from a billionaire because I would still feel bad. I'm trying to think of something I just wouldn't feel guilty about. I liked the Colombian drug, like steal from drug dealers. Oh, sure. I guess. I was thinking steal from like the Federal Reserve, but then you're still stealing from the government. You could do something that didn't have, what's a financial crime that doesn't really have a victim? Maybe like insider trading.

• 50:29Speaker 01

  Oh, insider trading, I like.

• 50:30Speaker 02

  Because nobody's really getting hurt doing it. Although I would never do it because it's illegal.

• 50:36Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 50:36Speaker 02

  But.

• 50:37Dax Shepard?

  I know.

• 50:38Speaker 01

  Okay, I like that. I think shoplifting is good, but part of the high from shopping is the payment. For me, it's like I have the power to own this.

• 50:51Speaker 05

  Oh, wow.

• 50:52Speaker 01

  Not the item. I mean, the items are great. I pick out items.

• 50:55Speaker 05

  It feels good to be able to pay for what this thing you want.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  It's like what it means.

• 50:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, you earned this to get to that point.

• 51:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. Is it wrong to order takeout and then claim you made it?

• 51:06Speaker 01

  Rob says yes, and I think yes, too. That's lying.

• 51:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 51:10Speaker 01

  You?

• 51:11Speaker 02

  I mean, who cares, right? I would lie about that. That's like a lie that it doesn't matter.

• 51:16Speaker 01

  But you don't cook, so you don't understand that it takes some real energy and effort and thought to do. So if you're saying, I did that, too, and you didn't.

• 51:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and your aunt slaved away on something else and she brought this.

• 51:29Speaker 05

  And it doesn't make you feel good at the end of the day. You lay down being like, why did I do that?

• 51:33Speaker 04

  For me, it's if they buy my lie. Because I only wouldn't say it because they were like, yeah, right, Jess.

• 51:39Dax Shepard?

  They would see right through it.

• 51:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:40Dax Shepard?

  It would be unbelievable.

• 51:40Speaker 04

  But if I really could pull it off, it's in these nice plates and it's not smokehouse garlic bread. But it's like I made this and they believed me, then maybe I would.

• 51:50Dax Shepard?

  This was all stufers, I should say now. And I feel like it's weird that.

• 51:54Speaker 01

  It's interesting how not black and white these questions are to me. Like, I need so much more context. Because if you were to say like, sure, lying about a meal, no, I probably wouldn't do that because I'd feel like an idiot. Because you're right, Rob, that's a lie.

• 52:05Speaker 03

  But if you're gonna tell me that the girlfriends are going to host a Christmas for their families, and this is their coming out party, and they're gonna do it really peacefully and say, "We certainly hope we're not cut out of the inheritance. This is the girl I love." And they've been rushing around all day, and they've both been incredibly stressed because they have to come out to their families. And they go to Din Tai Fung up the street, and they order it, and they go, "Shoot, Aunt Carla loves home-cooked meals. Let's just say we made it." And then they plate everything. Those girls are on a trajectory where they didn't have the time to do that. I'm cool if those girls go, "We made all of this for you," if the family's like, "Oh, thank you very much."

• 52:43Dax Shepard?

  And then their family's like, "How did you make a fortune cookie? You have a factory?"

• 52:48Speaker 03

  You make dumplings? Say the lies were easy, or that I had quick recall of restaurants.

• 52:53Speaker 01

  Din Tai Fung was the only thing I thought of. Great restaurant.

• 52:57Dax Shepard?

  I like, "What's the worst gift you've ever received?"

• 53:01Speaker 04

  I have a good memory, and I can't think of one. Maybe not me, but I did get my stepdad a joke tie. And he shamed me in front of everyone.

• 53:12Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 53:13Speaker 04

  And I was like 11, and I was mortified.

• 53:15Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 53:16Speaker 04

  He really made me, like, you got me, like, it was just really just doubled down. That was the worst gift he's ever gotten in his life.

• 53:25Dax Shepard?

  What was the joke of the tie? Did it squirt water, or?

• 53:28Speaker 04

  No, it just little.

• 53:29Speaker 01

  Just looked silly.

• 53:29Speaker 04

  Silly. And I think it was, I got it at the mall, and like, I got him something, and it was just like, really?

• 53:36Speaker 02

  Poor little jazz.

• 53:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's, that's so sad.

• 53:39Speaker 04

  Joe Bella, if you're watching this, I don't know my age, really, because if I was 16, maybe, but I'm remembering as I was a kid.

• 53:48Speaker 01

  I think you have to be like 30 or above to shame someone for a present they got you.

• 53:53Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 53:53Speaker 01

  A joke tie.

• 53:54Speaker 04

  Well, I'm not 30. I mean...

• 53:56Dax Shepard?

  What was Christmas in Sweden like? Because you had a bunch there, right?

• 53:59Speaker 04

  Amazing, but very macrobiotic, and we didn't buy a tree. We had a paper tree on the wall. So it was a green tree.

• 54:07Dax Shepard?

  And one wooden toy.

• 54:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, and like, we would eat carob.

• 54:11Speaker 01

  But that's more just because your dad.

• 54:13Speaker 04

  My dad, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not gluttonous. Like, it was all about, we're not gonna kill a tree.

• 54:18Speaker 01

  Oh, that's why it was a paper. But that's made of paper. That's made of tree.

• 54:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't know. But lonely. I mean, but it was nice.

• 54:25Speaker 01

  Star, yeah.

• 54:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I miss my dad, so like.

• 54:27Dax Shepard?

  It was nice. It was lonely. It was, uh, it was great. It was, it made me sad.

• 54:31Speaker 01

  No wonder Christmas is sad seventy-nine for you.

• 54:34Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I think this one will be good. Name one thing you're letting go of from twenty twenty-five. Eric.

• 54:40Speaker 02

  Oh, that I'm letting go of. This isn't a New Year's resolution.

• 54:43Dax Shepard?

  It kinda is.

• 54:44Speaker 02

  I wanna stop drinking caffeine.

• 54:47Speaker 01

  Completely?

• 54:48Speaker 02

  Past six o'clock at night.

• 54:49Speaker 01

  Oh, there you go. Completely?

• 54:51Dax Shepard?

  They set realistic goals, so that's probably smart.

• 54:55Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, and the amount that I drink. I was thinking today, like, caffeine has a five-hour half-life. If I have eight espressos in the morning at ten o'clock, that's still like I was drinking an espresso right before I went to bed. But then I drink a Celsius at like two, and I'm wondering why my sleep is not great. It's just asinine that I do that. So I wanna leave the caffeine at the table in twenty-five.

• 55:20Dax Shepard?

  That's great.

• 55:21Speaker 04

  I'm opposite. I might pick something back up next year.

• 55:24Dax Shepard?

  Smoking?

• 55:25Speaker 04

  No, I haven't been on any apps for a whole year.

• 55:29Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:30Speaker 04

  Not one app, not no dating and no sex for a whole year. So maybe I will give up a little bit of my work addiction. How's that?

• 55:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh, interesting. What has been the result of celibacy for a year?

• 55:42Speaker 04

  The cons is, oh no, am I ever gonna get it back? Is that part of me gonna ever get?

• 55:48Speaker 01

  The desire.

• 55:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, the desire. Like, the more sex you have, the more you want it, and the less sex you have, the less you want it. So now I'm just not even thinking about it. I'm like, oh my God, this was such a big part of my life. And the pros is what I'm doing, which is I have a career and I'm working and I'm getting self-esteem from actually helping people and helping restaurants. So I'm loving that. But I do think it's become a little bit of a obsession too, thinking about that all the time, just like, whether it's the apps or the job.

• 56:15Speaker 01

  Of Kristen?

• 56:16Speaker 03

  I know mine, and I knew it right off the bat when you asked the question, and I felt so excited. Judgment.

• 56:21Speaker 01

  Nice. Of others or yourself?

• 56:23Speaker 03

  Amen.

• 56:23Dax Shepard?

  Both.

• 56:25Speaker 03

  I wouldn't say I'm a judgmental person, but I certainly form judgments and have judgments about people. It's not what I lead with. It's not like my first five instincts, but it's in there, especially if my feelings are hurt. If my feelings are hurt, I have noticed I will be much less likely to give the level of compassion that I know I want to give to someone else, mainly because they just hurt my feelings. But I have decided that that's just not serving me anymore, and I'm not going to be in an invisible war with anyone. And it doesn't make sense in my body, or in my brain, or in my heart. And so I'm just not gonna judge anything anymore.

• 57:05Speaker 04

  Did 2025 have more judgments than other years?

• 57:09Speaker 03

  Um...

• 57:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, why do you think it's something you've become aware of that you're like, you know what, I'm gonna tackle this?

• 57:14Speaker 03

  I don't know if I was feeling extra vulnerable this year, or if my feelings got hurt more this year, or if I felt more judged this year. But my judgments were spiking. I felt like I didn't have armor on or something. You know what? Everyone is doing the best they can with what they've got, me included, and everyone else on this planet. And I'm just gonna let that be. I don't need to have an opinion about what someone else is doing.

• 57:44Speaker 01

  It's hard when it's affecting you.

• 57:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  But that's a beautiful goal. But it's funny, because I would never put you in a category of needing to do that. I feel like you will always lend compassion.

• 57:56Speaker 03

  Thank you. I certainly try to, but I think when I can't, or when it's not as easy for me, that's when I know I need to like make a statement to myself of like, yeah, we're just not doing that anymore. We're not judging anybody. We're not judging the person that's speeding. We're not judging the person that's nasty on the internet. We're not judging the grocery store clerk for doing this or that, or not doing that. We're giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. If someone is going slow, they have a cake in the back of the car. If someone is going fast, they have a pregnant lady in the car. I can create scenarios to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and I'm gonna do that, and... I'm just losing all judgment. It's not fun.

• 58:39Speaker 05

  That's great.

• 58:40Speaker 02

  That's funny, though, that she has that one, because she's probably like one of the best persons at having empathy for other people.

• 58:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:46Speaker 02

  No matter who they are.

• 58:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:47Speaker 04

  You're not in her mind.

• 58:49Speaker 05

  I know.

• 58:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:50Speaker 04

  No, I'm just kidding.

• 58:50Dax Shepard?

  Well, we have code words, really. I have learned that I've got to preface. I want to rant. I want to be toxic for a second.

• 58:57Speaker 02

  Right.

• 58:58Dax Shepard?

  Like, I want to call this person an asshole. I don't want to hear about why it might not be their fault. Or it might not, they might have had this thing. Like, I need to express that I fucking hate this.

• 59:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:07Dax Shepard?

  About this person right now, and I'm not really interested in making a case for them yet. I'll get there, but I'm not there.

• 59:14Speaker 05

  I feel like you've done me the same favor.

• 59:18Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 59:18Speaker 05

  When you can tell that I just need to, like, rant.

• 59:20Dax Shepard?

  I know what it's coming from, too. It's like, oh, they're struggling with this. If I can paint this other version, it might alleviate this angst they're feeling. Like, it feels like a solution, I think, in the moment, when you're delivering that. But when you're receiving it, you're like, well, then I don't even want to tell you. I'll tell someone else that's willing to go like, yeah, they're a fucking prick. And then later I'll think of it, you know?

• 59:43Speaker 04

  What is it, comfort or advice? How do you want me to answer that? Isn't that what you're supposed to say?

• 59:47Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 59:48Speaker 04

  What do you want right now?

• 59:49Speaker 05

  A solution or, yeah, just in the listening ear?

• 59:51Dax Shepard?

  Amy, you're really hard on yourself, of anyone I know. You're always trying to be better, and you've been perfect since I met you. So I know you have something, even though you shouldn't.

• 1:00:01Speaker 05

  The first thing that came to my mind was maybe, like, busyness, saying no to more things.

• 1:00:06Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:00:06Speaker 05

  And slowing down a little bit, which is hard to do.

• 1:00:09Speaker 02

  That's great.

• 1:00:10Speaker 05

  I like to be productive, and I like to do things, but it's okay if they don't get done.

• 1:00:15Dax Shepard?

  So I'll use this very public forum to ask this very personal question.

• 1:00:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:00:18Dax Shepard?

  So I, too, have to be very productive at all times. My kind of dream is that I can think I'm worthy of love without being productive and spectacular. And I'm just curious if you know what this engine is in you. Are you just genetically born to be that hardworking all the time? Or do you have fear that if you're not spectacular and productive at all times, you won't be loved?

• 1:00:39Speaker 05

  I don't think it stems from that.

• 1:00:41Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:00:41Speaker 05

  I feel like it stems from there's just always something to be done with a house of three girls. And I have two jobs at the moment and my husband's gone. So there just always feels like there's something to be done. But it's also okay if the floor doesn't get mopped and that there's extra laundry to do.

• 1:00:56Dax Shepard?

  But I knew you before you had kids.

• 1:00:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:00:58Dax Shepard?

  Before there was a circus.

• 1:00:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:01:00Dax Shepard?

  And you were by far the most industrious person in that house of 12 people. Right, Mama?

• 1:01:04Speaker 03

  When your oldest daughter was born, your water broke and you got up and made banana bread before you went to the hospital.

• 1:01:10Speaker 05

  My God. Well, they told me it would take a long time. So I thought, why not distract myself with some banana bread? I don't think it feels like I need to get love from it because I know that I'm loved. I feel it so deeply. I think I genuinely love to create. I love to like make things. I love to have things in order, but I also.

• 1:01:29Speaker 03

  Gives you self-esteem.

• 1:01:30Speaker 05

  Well, yeah, but I also just enjoy it. I really love accomplishing things. I love learning new things. If something breaks, I'm like, let me see if I can fix it first because it's exciting. My dad is really handy and loves to like figure it out for himself. And I would always go along with them and he'd teach me how to put the putty on the wall and sand it down. And I love to learn how to do things. I like to know how to do stuff.

• 1:01:48Dax Shepard?

  And not to embarrass Ryan or emasculate him, for certain, every time you come over and there's some project being done, you are doing it. I don't even know if he knows where the tools are. You are definitely doing all this stuff.

• 1:01:58Speaker 05

  He will hand me the tools. He will hand me the spatula and make me laugh the whole time. But no, he did not get given the like handyman trait. I was talking to Chris a while ago. I've been reading books about the Sabbath and what that actually means and what I always thought it meant.

• 1:02:10Dax Shepard?

  What does it mean and what did you think it meant?

• 1:02:12Speaker 05

  I thought it meant that you are forced to just read the Bible all day or something and have all these rituals. And it was a law that you had to live by that was more condemning in a way. And I'm learning that it's a gift of a day to delight in God's creation and like be still.

• 1:02:27Dax Shepard?

  Enjoy it.

• 1:02:28Speaker 05

  Enjoy it and do things you like, which if it's a walk or a dinner with friends where we say yes to so much because there's always something to do and a party to go to. And it's like if you prep the week, then you can have a day where you don't have to do the laundry or any checklist stuff. And you can just read a book all day. You can just be. And so my heart has been craving that idea because there's always something to do. But it's like if you allow time to just rest, it's a gift.

• 1:02:51Dax Shepard?

  I knew that within an hour and a half, we would see on display that Amy's the most beautiful person in the world.

• 1:02:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. She's so peaceful.

• 1:02:59Dax Shepard?

  I know.

• 1:02:59Speaker 02

  I want some of that peace. I need to find Jesus.

• 1:03:03Speaker 01

  It's pretty great, y'all. You're spelling Jesus really well.

• 1:03:07Speaker 02

  You wear Jesus well.

• 1:03:08Dax Shepard?

  I am a C H. I am a C H I S T I N. I have the L O R D in my H E A R T and a L O V E. Love a mother. That's the happiest I've made Amy, I think.

• 1:03:19Speaker 05

  I was laughing so loud in the car. I think my version is a little different and I love your version even more.

• 1:03:25Dax Shepard?

  Everyone corrected me. Where did I get I have?

• 1:03:28Speaker 05

  It's so close. I think it's I'm a C H I S T. I have C H R A S T in my H E A R T and I will L O V E E T E R N A L O Y.

• 1:03:37Speaker 01

  That's hard.

• 1:03:37Dax Shepard?

  What is that one? Longevity?

• 1:03:39Speaker 05

  I will love eternally, I think.

• 1:03:40Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:03:41Dax Shepard?

  I can't spell. I can barely get it.

• 1:03:43Speaker 05

  I can't spell either. That's why it's a memorization from childhood. But it just made me laugh so hard. And then you got Monica to sing on the podcast.

• 1:03:50Speaker 01

  Didn't even know what was happening. I didn't do it this time.

• 1:03:52Dax Shepard?

  It was a Christmas miracle and the Lord intervened.

• 1:03:54Speaker 05

  Right. My intervention.

• 1:03:56Dax Shepard?

  Do you know what you're giving up?

• 1:03:57Speaker 01

  Yes, I am going to try to give up fear of change. Hmm. That's a hard one. Yes, it's very hard for me, but I'm gonna try to just ride the wave a little more. Like, it's okay that things are changing and feeling unsteady or unsafe is okay. It's gonna be fine.

• 1:04:18Speaker 02

  The only certain thing is life is change.

• 1:04:20Speaker 01

  That's right. Good job.

• 1:04:22Dax Shepard?

  Buddhist.

• 1:04:23Speaker 01

  That was very Buddhist. I was Buddhist a little bit this year, if you remember, a couple of weeks.

• 1:04:28Dax Shepard?

  Intermittently, yeah.

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:29Dax Shepard?

  Intermittent Buddhist? Like intermittent fasting.

• 1:04:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm gonna add a couple more weeks this year to Buddhism. What about you?

• 1:04:36Dax Shepard?

  I think I'm gonna take the cue from our 12-year-old who said, I just have too many opinions. And that's probably true.

• 1:04:45Speaker 05

  You're giving up all opinions? Don't do that. We love them.

• 1:04:48Dax Shepard?

  I have an opinion on anything. Anything you say to me, within four seconds, I know immediately how I feel, for better or worse.

• 1:04:55Speaker 02

  You've been so good lately, though, at letting other people talk and not, like, you'll, you'll, like, we'll be a group of us.

• 1:05:04Dax Shepard?

  A real time compliment.

• 1:05:05Speaker 05

  Been waiting all day.

• 1:05:06Speaker 02

  Well, there'll be a group of people. I know I could see you and I know you have something and you don't say it and somebody like Molly or Amy or Kristen, somebody will say it. And then you still don't talk. You do it a lot.

• 1:05:17Dax Shepard?

  Oh, well, thank you. As controversial as it is, I am identifying greatly with this ADHD symptom-y thing and I am recognizing through these many memes, I see the interrupting thing. I'm just aware of like, I can't resist saying it and then I interrupt and I do all these things. I'm just like, I gotta get my hands around it.

• 1:05:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you've been working on that for a couple of years, I think.

• 1:05:38Dax Shepard?

  God bless you.

• 1:05:39Speaker 02

  And I had one more, because I told my daughter that I'm gonna go to the grave saying this. I'll be dying and I'll be saying, "Why did you worry so much? You worry so much about so many things."

• 1:05:51Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 1:05:52Speaker 02

  And it doesn't really matter if these things happen or not. You just live.

• 1:05:56Speaker 05

  It doesn't fix the problem.

• 1:05:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, and sometimes I'll think of you. I mean, you don't worry very much at all.

• 1:06:01Speaker 05

  Try not to, because it doesn't help anything.

• 1:06:03Speaker 02

  I think I can worry my way out of things. It'll lead to premature death.

• 1:06:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:06:08Speaker 03

  Or he's worshiping the problem.

• 1:06:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:11Speaker 03

  That one's gonna really hit.

• 1:06:11Dax Shepard?

  Well, you guys, I love you so much. Wabi, thank you for making cookies.

• 1:06:16Speaker 01

  Yes, thank you for spaghetti.

• 1:06:18Dax Shepard?

  The fact that we have this many good friends that we can call and say like, "Hey, come over and be on the show and eat spaghetti." And they go, "Absolutely. What time?" Fuck, dude. That's better than everything else. I love all you guys so much. Love you.

• 1:06:30Speaker 05

  Love you. Thank you for having us.

• 1:06:31Speaker 01

  Merry Christmas.

• 1:06:32Dax Shepard?

  I hope this gets you from a 78 to an 81.

• 1:06:36Speaker 02

  Ninety-two.

• 1:06:37Dax Shepard?

  Maybe two.

• 1:06:38Speaker 05

  To ninety-two.

• 1:06:39Dax Shepard?

  All right, I love you guys.

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  Thank you so much.

• 1:06:41Dax Shepard?

  Merry Christmas.

• 1:06:42Speaker 02

  Love you guys. Can I take the cookies to go?