Pod Insights Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Armchair Anonymous: Divorce II About this episode Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a crazy divorce story.
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Transcript 11,581 words · 9 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Dax Shepard? Welcome, welcome, welcome. I'm Chair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard, joined by Lily Padman.
0:05 Speaker 01 Hello.
0:06 Dax Shepard? Today's topic is a heavy one, but I loved it. It was such a wonderful perspective reset.
0:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:14 Dax Shepard? I left going like, my God, people are going through some stuff.
0:17 Speaker 01 They really are.
0:18 Dax Shepard? Wow.
0:19 Speaker 01 But there's a lot of angles. There's some twists and turns.
0:22 Dax Shepard? Yes, it's a phenomenal episode.
0:23 Speaker 01 Yes.
0:24 Dax Shepard? Divorce, crazy divorce stories. So, you know, as much as one can, please enjoy divorce. We get support from Quince.
0:34 Speaker 01 Okay, can we talk about the fact that the holidays are already here? It's crazy. I feel like I blinked and now we're in gifting season, which I'm not really mad about because I do love giving gifts and Quince is making it so easy to find something great for everyone on my list, including myself, because let's be honest, self-gifting is a love language.
0:54 Dax Shepard? Quince is seriously the gift that keeps on giving. Their high-quality staples are made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, 14-karat gold, and Italian leather. Full-on luxury quality at prices that won't wreck your holiday budget.
1:10 Speaker 01 It's the dream. The cashmere sweater is starting at $60, down jackets, wool outerwear, cashmere accessories. You and everyone on your list are staying cozy and looking incredible all season long.
1:21 Dax Shepard? Well, I'm gonna tell you this, it just got chilly for the first time this year in California, and I'm so excited, and I'm wearing my Quince cashmere right now.
1:28 Speaker 01 It's great.
1:29 Dax Shepard? Yeah, and I am going to gift this to some of my friends. I hope they're not listening.
1:33 Speaker 01 Quince is also more than clothing. They've got fine jewelry for your significant other, leather bags for your bestie, hotel-quality bedding to set up your guest rooms, chef-grade cookware. That's an amazing thing they offer here, and it's such a good gift because people don't like buying cookware for themselves, but it's very important. And they also have five-star luggage, another good gift that people don't like buying for themselves.
1:55 Dax Shepard? Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. This episode is supported by Helix.
2:20 Speaker 01 Okay, can we talk about how November is basically survival mode? Between the holidays, the travel, the hosting, the cooking, the everything. Sleep is the one thing keeping me from completely unraveling.
2:31 Dax Shepard? It really is the foundation, and I think people underestimate how much a bad mattress is quietly ruining their day. You wake up stiff, your back's angry, you're already behind before your feet hit the floor.
2:42 Speaker 01 That was me before Helix. I took their sleep quiz, which is so fast. It's taking like two minutes and they matched me to a mattress that actually fits how I sleep. Not a guess, not a firm or soft coin flip, it's a real match. I have a midnight mattress and I really like it. I was noticing it because I actually had to sleep in one of my other beds recently.
3:00 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
3:00 Speaker 01 That doesn't have a Helix mattress on it and I really could tell a big difference in my sleep.
3:05 Dax Shepard? Temperature was all over the map.
3:06 Speaker 01 It was a mess. I need a new one.
3:08 Dax Shepard? Look, they've got over 20 mattress models. So whether you sleep hot, need extra back support, or you've got a partner who moves around all night, there's one built for you. Plus free shipping and a 365 night happy with Helix guarantee. That's a full year to decide.
3:22 Speaker 01 Helix has been named the most awarded mattress by Forbes, Wired and more. So it's not just us being enthusiastic, the experts agree.
3:29 Dax Shepard? Right now, Helix is running their Black Friday sale with up to 30% off. Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. Helixsleep.com/armchair.
4:07 Dax Shepard? Hi, you're Jane, I'm doing air quotes.
4:10 Speaker 02 Hi, how are y'all? Good old fashioned Jane Doe.
4:14 Speaker 01 Oh, love it. Classic.
4:16 Dax Shepard? What is this fun blanket behind you? Who are those people? I feel like I should recognize them. Blink one eighty two.
4:20 Speaker 02 Tom, Mark and Travis.
4:22 Dax Shepard? If I had seen Travis, I would have been able to get it.
4:24 Speaker 02 I was covering him the most, I think.
4:26 Dax Shepard? Sure, well, you wanted to be closest, I'd imagine.
4:28 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:29 Dax Shepard? Now, we have a fake name for you. Are we allowed to say what region of the world you're in?
4:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, so first of all, this is not my story. It is actually my parents.
4:37 Speaker 01 Oh, okay, okay, that'll work.
4:39 Speaker 02 We were in Texas. I'm not going to go any more specific than that. I was seventeen. I was just starting like my senior year of high school. I'm not gonna give my age out either.
4:51 Dax Shepard? Just I'll tell the listener from looking at you, I would say you're in your mid sixties, just so they have a visual. Yeah, okay, great.
4:58 Speaker 02 So I remember coming home from school as the first one. So I have an older, younger sibling and it looked almost burglarized. But we were missing big furniture items, not just like a TV, but armoires and dressers and like coffee tables. It was so strange. I investigated parents' rooms, missing a lot of stuff, living room, dining room, kitchen, go upstairs to my room and my siblings. My siblings are relatively untouched. My room had clothes missing and some jewelry.
5:24 Speaker 01 What?
5:25 Dax Shepard? Dude, were you afraid that there was a burglar in the home at that moment?
5:29 Speaker 02 No, because we had an alarm system and I was the first one home. I had to disarm it to get in, so I wasn't suspicious of anything. So they get my phone and I call my mom because she doesn't work at the time and it goes straight to voicemail. So I call my dad. My dad picks up after a couple of rings and I say, we got a lot of stuff missing. Do you know what's going on? He said, yeah, I do. I'm heading home right now. Sit down and just wait for me to be there. And at the time he worked like an hour away. So he comes home and tells us, hey, I was served divorce papers from your mother. I don't know where she is. I don't know what's going on. She doesn't answer my brother's phone calls. I think I'm blocked at this point because I'm going straight to voicemail. I don't know what I did.
6:04 Speaker 01 Did you sense this was coming? Like, were you surprised to hear this or were you like, yeah, they've been struggling?
6:10 Speaker 02 I was surprised. Let me backtrack here. My dad's job is kind of important in this matter. My whole life, he is military. He was active duty up until I was like maybe six. So he settled down and went reserve. So he's still technically military. Nine eleven happened and he went active duty. So he was doing tours out and about, not really home as much as he was. That took a toll and there was a lot more free will because my dad wasn't home.
6:36 Dax Shepard? People were lonely.
6:37 Speaker 02 Yeah. And so we get like a visit from an estranged uncle of ours. And this uncle has been in and out of prison. There's a reason we haven't met him.
6:46 Dax Shepard? On your mom's side or your dad's side?
6:47 Speaker 02 My dad's side. And this is prior to the divorce papers. And so we get strange visits from him and he's like, yeah, I'm your cool fun uncle.
6:54 Dax Shepard? By the way, really quick, that's such a trope in TV shows, isn't it? Cool fun uncle comes, he's got some prison record.
7:00 Speaker 01 Yeah, he's a convict.
7:01 Dax Shepard? And then we get a lot of story out of it.
7:02 Speaker 02 This is hide of Facebook as well. So we started doing investigating on Facebook. We started reaching out to people, seeing what's going on, friends that she'd reached out to that were friends from our old town. Lots of random connections we're trying to make here.
7:14 Dax Shepard? Can I also ask, how old is she at this moment?
7:17 Speaker 02 She's probably forty seven.
7:19 Speaker 01 Okay.
7:20 Dax Shepard? So all fours.
7:21 Speaker 02 So we find out that she had moved to an area that we have our only one estranged uncle again living.
7:29 Dax Shepard? Oh my god, dad's brother.
7:30 Speaker 01 Oh my.
7:31 Speaker 02 Dad's brother.
7:32 Dax Shepard? Oh, I knew it was gonna be bad when he showed up. Yeah.
7:38 Speaker 02 We found out she's living with him.
7:40 Dax Shepard? Oh.
7:41 Speaker 02 And there had been a years-long affair with my dad's brother. Find out he had like warrants out and arrest for Texas. So we're bringing someone who's not very safe around our kids and then they get married.
7:55 Speaker 01 So she's not talking to you at all? That's a no.
7:58 Speaker 02 There was an olive branch extended later on.
8:00 Dax Shepard? Before we get to the heartbreak, because this is heartbreaking, but I just want to say as a rule of thumb, if you have an affair and then you leave your spouse, you don't get the furniture. Like when dudes do this, they're like, yeah, take the house. I fucked up.
8:13 Speaker 02 Especially when you're just up and leave.
8:15 Speaker 01 Exactly.
8:16 Speaker 02 Not just like your spouse, but like also your children.
8:18 Speaker 01 Well, let's be clear, not to disparage, but they stole jewelry from their daughter.
8:24 Speaker 02 Technically, it was gifted from my mother.
8:28 Speaker 01 Yep.
8:28 Dax Shepard? Repossessed.
8:29 Speaker 01 Jewelry she gave you, she took back. So this is the type of people we're dealing with. So I'm not surprised they took the furniture.
8:37 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I just wanted to do a PSA, which is if you do just walk out on your family, you don't get anything.
8:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, probably leave this stuff.
8:44 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
8:45 Speaker 01 So they got like a moving truck to get this armoire. I mean, this is crazy.
8:49 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you guys went to school and they got going right away.
8:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was a plan.
8:53 Speaker 02 Yeah, and I always joke, my Jerry Springer story, R I P.
8:57 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
8:59 Speaker 02 They're no longer married. I will say that. At one point, my mom was my step aunt and my uncle was my step dad.
9:07 Speaker 01 Oh, wow.
9:08 Dax Shepard? Yes.
9:09 Speaker 01 That is so weird. But they didn't come around when they were.
9:14 Speaker 02 No.
9:15 Dax Shepard? And was it your dad's older or younger brother?
9:18 Speaker 02 Younger, by like a good, almost two decades.
9:20 Speaker 01 Oh, wow.
9:23 Dax Shepard? Did your dad have any fantasies of going and beating the shit out of him or anything?
9:27 Speaker 02 Oh, I'm sure. I mean, military background.
9:29 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
9:30 Speaker 01 Oh, I'm sorry. This is not nice.
9:34 Speaker 02 I forgive and forget. Honestly, I have a newborn son and I want my kid to know both his families. Apologies have been made and the legwork is there. It's just in the process.
9:49 Dax Shepard? Has she ever offered any kind of explanation, like, yeah, I really lost my mind or I was struggling?
9:56 Speaker 02 It was a lot of pointing fingers, a lot of blame, not really like accountability.
10:01 Dax Shepard? Oh, so mom moved the furniture out while you were at school and got together with dad's brother.
10:07 Speaker 01 I wanna blame it on perimenopause.
10:10 Dax Shepard? It doesn't sound like we can.
10:12 Speaker 01 I don't think it's that.
10:12 Dax Shepard? I wanted to too. That's why I asked her age.
10:14 Speaker 01 I don't think it's that.
10:15 Dax Shepard? And then I said all fours, which is really.
10:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, you really put that.
10:18 Dax Shepard? It's explicit at that point.
10:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, he made it clear. You thought it was perimenopause, but nah.
10:24 Dax Shepard? Well, maybe all I could hope for you, hold your baby?
10:26 Speaker 02 He is nine months.
10:27 Dax Shepard? Hey, congratulations.
10:29 Speaker 02 Thank you.
10:30 Dax Shepard? And then two, I hope you have the moment I had, which led to an enormous amount of forgiveness of my father, which was like. Oh, I thought I was the victim my whole life. And soon as I had kids, I was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. To miss one day of these girls' lives would be the biggest heartbreak I could have. And I was like, oh, my God, no, he was the victim. He paid the price. It's much worse to not be able to be a part of your kid's life than vice versa.
10:57 Speaker 02 Absolutely. Thanks. Y'all have a great one.
10:59 Dax Shepard? All right, take care. Bye.
11:03 Dax Shepard? Hi. I'm in quotes, this is Seth.
11:05 Speaker 03 Yes, this is fake name Seth.
11:07 Dax Shepard? And let me just quickly ask, how do we come upon Seth as a fake name? I'm always curious. Is it like a name you may have always wanted?
11:14 Speaker 03 In a way, yeah, it's a name that I heard from where I come from. And a friend named his child Seth. And I was like, oh, that's a cool name. I kind of had it in my back pocket.
11:23 Dax Shepard? OK, now, I don't want to offend you, but I'm gonna guess Irish. But again, I'm a little fearful you could also be Scottish. Are you either of those?
11:30 Speaker 03 Close, like in the middle. I'm English.
11:32 Speaker 01 Well.
11:33 Dax Shepard? Oh, you're English, OK.
11:36 Speaker 01 Classic, standard.
11:38 Speaker 03 I've been Americanized or Canadianized for the last 20 years.
11:41 Speaker 01 So you have a little bit of a mesh.
11:43 Dax Shepard? OK, so you have a divorce story.
11:45 Speaker 03 I do, yeah. It's not one thing that happened on a day. It's a few stories that happened over the course of the last year. So my ex, we'll call her Karen.
11:55 Dax Shepard? That doesn't feel fair, but OK.
11:58 Speaker 03 It may seem fair at the end. You can judge later.
12:04 Speaker 03 Separated from her last February, so a year and a half ago. To set the stage a little bit, about five years before we separated, she cheated on me with one guy at first, which I found out about after about a year. And then there was another two guys after that over the course of time. You know, I stayed there for the kids and to try to make it work. But we just argued too much. It didn't really work. Last year, it's like I'd had enough. It was time to separate. My job and my schedule kind of keeps me away. So it was hard to leave her when I felt like I wanted to. I work 28 days away, 28 days at home. So I work for the Coast Guard in Canada.
12:38 Dax Shepard? Oh, cool, cool job.
12:40 Speaker 03 Now, in August last year, I'd had separated from her for six months at this point. I was living downstairs in the basement suite that was kind of unfinished, but. That's where I was sleeping down there. We'd play happy families when I was home, pretend to be a family essentially for the kids' benefit, but her and I were separated. And August last year, I was away on a trip, actually took us down off the California coast for like a research trip. We'd been arguing on and on for the whole trip. It was like a week before I came home. I'd had enough. Mid-argument one time, I said, I just can't do this anymore. I want a divorce. This escalated. I finally got home. I told her, yeah, I want a divorce. I want to move out. And she just started losing it. She can't
13:21 Speaker 03 contain her anger anymore, like a red rag is to a bull. So she gets red mist and she just can't have any rational thought. She goes crazy and just starts lashing out, punching, kicking, physical attacks. Oof. So over the course of the first week after being home, she would, almost on a daily basis, after the kids had gone to bed, come down, argue, lash out, fight, try and hit me. I would try to restrain her so that she wasn't hurting me. But she's only five foot two and she's really strong for her size. She's like a Tasmanian devil when she gets going. So really hard to like, stop her from hurting me. I don't want to hurt her. Yeah. One particular night, I got away from her, closed the door to the basement suite,
14:03 Speaker 03 and she kicked the door in. And I just stood there and she ran towards me, jumped on me, legs around my waist, arms around my neck, and bit my ear.
14:12 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
14:13 Speaker 03 Sunk her teeth into my ear.
14:14 Speaker 01 Mike Tyson style?
14:15 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, Evander Holyfield.
14:17 Speaker 01 Oh, Evander Holyfield?
14:18 Speaker 03 You're the Evander Holyfield. She's Mike Tyson. I felt like that. That image went right through my brain at that point. But I tried to get her face away from mine. It felt like I was gonna rip my ear off because she wasn't letting go.
14:30 Speaker 01 Ew.
14:31 Speaker 03 I put my finger in her mouth to try to like, force her teeth apart, and I managed to get her off me and to try to move her away from me. And I got my bag, which was already packed at this point, threw it in my car and went upstairs. The kids were awake and I told the kids, my ear's bleeding. I'm sorry, kids. I don't want to argue with you, mom, anymore. I'm gonna go stay at a friend's. I'll call you tomorrow. Everything will be okay. And I left. And that was the last time that I lived with them.
14:59 Dax Shepard? Now, really quickly, did it ever cross your mind to call the police on her?
15:03 Speaker 03 It did, but some of my children, it's not fair for the kids to not have their mom there. She's actually a good mom. She's not like that with her kids. It's really just me. So I didn't want to have her taken away and have a police report or her go into the system or have the kids taken away from us. It would be hard for me to go away to work. I would have to change everything to be able to be home. So I ended up moving into a friend's place. And actually, that happened on my birthday when she bit my ear.
15:27 Dax Shepard? Oh, happy birthday.
15:28 Speaker 03 Little side note, yeah. A few weeks after that, I'd been gradually gathering my stuff from her place. And we'd argued at one point when I had a car full of stuff and I drove away and she lost it again. She put everything out on the side of the road, spare tires for my car, a couch that I was gonna have, like a bunch of my study books from school, boxes of stuff, and just put a free sign on it.
15:50 Speaker 04 Oh, boy.
15:51 Speaker 03 I managed to get some stuff back, but she's just trying to find any way to hurt me. But then her brakes went on her truck, so she needed to fix her brakes. Didn't want to pay for it. She acts all nice. I order the brake parts. I go to her house. I say, okay, I'll fix your brakes, but you gotta like stay in the house or go somewhere else. And the kids are at her friend's house playing. So I got down there. I couldn't even undo the wheel nuts. And she was just in my ear arguing, fighting, trying to stay and help me with it, but she just needed to argue. She ended up throwing the tire out at her door on the truck, just putting a big dent in that. I said, okay, I can't do this. I'm out. Get in my car. She jumps onto the hood of my car, dents the wing, sits on the hood and puts a dent in the hood as she's sat there shouting at me through the window.
16:36 Speaker 03 I'm filming her, telling her to get off. She takes a minute, but eventually gets off and starts hiking up the street to go to where the kids are playing. I give it a minute because I have to drive past her to get away. It's one road out. I drive up there. She's in the middle of the road. She's just trying to block me. And it's like, oh no, what's she gonna do? So I have to swerve one way to make her sidestep and then I swerve the other way real quick and go around her. And she punches the back of my car, puts another dent in it, just running up the road screaming at me. I was filming as this was happening, so this is documented. A couple of weeks after, we'd arranged to take the kids to a fair over in a neighboring town. We were gonna meet the kids' friends, friends of hers. I said I would be there because I wanted to be there with the kids. The kids wanted me to be there, so I drove out to meet her. We met just outside of town in a little parking lot.
17:21 Speaker 03 I got there first. She arrived, she didn't want to bring her truck into the small car park where the fair is. I didn't really want her in my car because I didn't trust her. I wouldn't want her either in my car.
17:31 Speaker 01 That seems reasonable.
17:32 Speaker 03 Was she gonna grab the wheel while I'm driving? So she just hops in her truck after arguing with me, leaves me and the kids there and just drives away. Okay, kids, I guess we're going to the fair by ourselves. We start driving down the road to the fair. We're going down a bit of a windy road towards a bridge. She's coming the other way. There's other traffic on the road too. She swerves right when she gets past the car in front of me, onto my side of the road.
17:55 Speaker 01 With her kids in your car?
17:57 Speaker 03 Yeah.
17:57 Speaker 01 Oh.
17:58 Speaker 03 And I'm off the road, fully on the hard shoulder. The edge of the bridge is coming up, so the hard shoulder stops. So I have to swerve back onto the road real quick to get back. And it's like, what the heck are you doing? Just lost it. Get to the fair, park up, she arrives and just tries to play it off like nothing's happening. Next thing is I went to pick the kids up for the weekend. I'd moved into a place of my own by this point. Went to pick the kids up. She'd packed a bunch of their stuff, toys and stuff that they don't really use anymore. They're either gonna be given away or thrown out because some of them don't work. You're just avoiding going to the dump. So I was like, I'm not taking this. She loses it because I said no, grabs one of the big pictures.
18:38 Speaker 03 It's like a driftwood piece, pretty heavy, over the top of her head and tries to smash it onto my car. I have to grab hold of the picture. She wrestles me to the ground and is like full trying to be a jujitsu wrestler, like punching, kicking, elbowing, biting and everything on the ground. My kids get out of the car, they're upset, they're crying, they're asking us to stop. And I managed to like break out of her grip and run around the car, drive away. I drive up the street. I pull in, there's a fire station at the top of the hill. Kids are crying. I try to console them and she has followed me up the hill in the truck and tries to pull in front of me to block me from leaving the car park or the fireplace. Car's running and it's in gear. I just have the clutch down. I just drop the clutch and I floor
19:23 Speaker 03 it and I'm trying to get out of there so she can't block me in because I don't know what she's gonna do this time. I spin around and I drive away. Maybe 20, 30 missed calls from her, constant text messages. She did call the police saying I've stolen the kids. She wants to talk to the kids to make sure that they're okay. I give kids the phone. They can talk to her. I'm not gonna stop my kids talking to the parents. So she gets on the phone with my kids on speakerphone and she's trying to explain her side of the story like it was all dad's fault. Dad attacked me. You saw.
19:53 Dax Shepard? Prime them for when the cops ask.
20:05 Dax Shepard? We get support from Skims. Okay, I have a confession. I genuinely love matching pajamas. It's the best part of Christmas morning, really. Everyone in the same matching set looking ridiculously cute in front of the tree.
20:19 Speaker 01 I love matching pajamas. I'm literally gonna be in coordinating sets with all my friends this holiday season because I got them, spoiler to my friends who are listening, the same Skims pajama set I've been living in. They are so soft and cozy and they look cute. So you can leave the house and go get a late night hot chocolate and be cozy.
20:40 Dax Shepard? It's so great how Skims has sets for everyone too. Women's, men's, kids, even your pets. So nobody in your life has to be left out this year.
20:50 Speaker 01 I have a bunch of different pajama sets. One of my favorite is the organic cotton sleep long sleeve set.
20:56 Dax Shepard? Okay, tell me more.
20:58 Speaker 01 It is so comfortable, very chic too. The top is a button down, but very, very soft, easy to sleep in. But as I said before, you can multipurpose this and look super cute.
21:09 Dax Shepard? Hot chocolate runs. It's like the pajamas we grew up in, except without the scratchy polyester that made opening presents feel more like a hot yoga class that nobody signed up for.
21:19 Speaker 01 All the nostalgia, none of the discomfort. Shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select Armchair Expert in the dropdown menu that follows. If you're looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Skims Holiday Shop is now open at skims.com.
21:38 Dax Shepard? This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Every family has that one holiday tradition nobody actually enjoys, but everyone keeps doing because stopping it would feel like a federal offense. For me, it was a specific meal situation that I will not name because my family listens. But at some point, you have to ask yourself, am I doing this because I love it or because I'm afraid of what happens if I don't?
22:01 Speaker 01 Yes, and that question applies to so much more than the holidays. I think a lot of us carry these invisible rules about how we're supposed to spend the holidays, who we're supposed to see, what it's supposed to look like. And when you start unpacking that with a therapist, you realize half of your stress is coming from rules you didn't even write.
22:17 Dax Shepard? This is where BetterHelp can be a great resource during the holidays. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences, which means they typically get it right the first time. If you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recs.
22:36 Speaker 01 I just love therapy. I've been avoiding it recently, or not avoiding it, but I was like, oh, I'm busy, I'm busy, I'm busy. I haven't canceled, canceled, canceled, but then I-
22:44 Dax Shepard? You start feeling it.
22:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, because then I had it this past weekend and I was like, oh my God, and just thank God.
22:51 Dax Shepard? Relief.
22:51 Speaker 01 Thank God for her, yeah.
22:52 Dax Shepard? BetterHelp is now in-network with more than 125 health plans, with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at betterhelp.com/dax. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash DAX.
23:16 Dax Shepard? We get support from Superhuman. Look, I love what I do. The conversations, the ideas, the creative stuff. But there's this whole other layer of work that eats my day alive. The inbox that never ends. Docs I need to get through, threads I'm behind on. And by the time I've dealt with all that, the stuff I actually want to focus on gets whatever's left. What I needed was something that just works where I'm already working. Not another tab to open, not another thing to set up. Superhuman Go from the makers of Grammarly is different. It's already right there inside your email, your docs, your browser. You don't go to it. It's already working alongside you. You're deep in a long thread, highlight it, and it pulls the key points. About to send something important?
23:59 Dax Shepard? It flags what doesn't add up before it leaves your hands. It knows your style, your workflows, and it just backs you up without getting in the way. A thought partner that's already up to speed at your service, not after your job. So do yourself a favor and try Superhuman Go from the makers of Grammarly. Find out more at superhuman.com. We are supported by Walden University. You know that feeling when you've been thinking about making a move, going after the degree, the promotion, the thing you keep telling yourself you'll get to someday? Walden University is built for that moment. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working professionals get the W, the knowledge,
24:41 Dax Shepard? the skills, and the confidence to create real change in their careers and communities. Their programs are designed around your life, not the other way around. With Tempo Learning, available in select programs, there are no rigid schedules or set weekly deadlines. You move at your own pace. And Walden's faculty aren't just academics. They're practitioners who bring real world experience into everything they teach. From your first class to career coaching and beyond, Walden is your partner the whole way. Take the first step and learn at a pace that works for you. Visit walden.edu. Walden University. Set a course for change. Certified to operate by CHEV.
25:29 Speaker 03 And now bearing in mind that this is only a handful of the things, this has been constant for the last year. She's preventing me from talking to them, not answering the phone. She's manipulating their idea of me and coercing them like, oh, dad doesn't want to talk to you. Dad's too busy working. Dad prefers his life now that he's not with you. Whenever I get them on the weekend, I have to like, you know that none of this is true, right?
25:51 Dax Shepard? Yeah. Oh, boy. She's so nuts. Did you have inklings of that during the relationship prior to the divorce?
25:59 Speaker 03 Yeah. She's attacked me before. She actually punched me a bunch of times. The first time she lost it with red rage. It's like, you know when people blackout when they're drunk and they have no memory of it?
26:09 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah.
26:10 Speaker 03 It's kind of like that. She'd done this a couple of times. I had to get stitches in my lip one time. I knew it was there. Every time we argued, I'd have to deescalate everything or walk away. So I knew I needed to get out, but I didn't know how to leave her. To plan this was really hard. And eventually it's just like enough is enough. And coming back to the August trip that I eventually told her that I wanted to get a divorce. On the trip, there was a new deckhand on our ship. I'd separated from my ex for six months at this point. Been on a couple of dates. She had two. This new deckhand had come on and she was beautiful, young. You usually don't get ship workers that look like this.
26:49 Dax Shepard? Right, right, right, right.
26:50 Speaker 03 And in that first week, we get on just like a house on fire. And it's surprising like how many things we have in common. Usually you see those things in Disney fairy tales. One day, we're talking about relationships, asking if she was in one. I was trying to hit on her. Apparently shouldn't have done at work, but whatever. She said, oh, no, I don't really have a boyfriend, but a couple of friends with benefits. And I don't know what came over me. I was just like, well, do you want another? She was kind of taken her back and said, yes. So we decided to meet the next night. Her shift finished at midnight. So we decided to meet at midnight on the bow of the ship. And it was off the California coast, right below the Oregon border. There was the Mercedes meteor shower at the time.
27:28 Dax Shepard? Oh, my goodness.
27:30 Speaker 03 We took like a yoga mat out, a blanket out, pillows, and we laid out on the bow for about four. Four hours just watching the meteor shower, talking. For us, the rest is history. We've been together since. It was like, okay, this has given me enough courage to say that the grass is greener on the other side.
27:45 Dax Shepard? Yes, yes.
27:46 Speaker 03 I'd like to pursue this. I think I'm ready.
27:48 Dax Shepard? Well, you got a glimpse of the fact that you could be happy.
27:51 Speaker 03 Yeah, just to not end up with an argument. It's nice to be able to have just a nice, healthy, positive relationship.
27:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:58 Speaker 03 It's been a bit of a tumultuous year. It's still going on. There's probably more drama to come.
28:04 Dax Shepard? This is a nightmare. When the cops got involved, that obviously worked out. You're not in jail.
28:09 Speaker 03 She called the cops off every time she'd called them. She's done it maybe three times now. I went to the police station and I asked, can I open a file up without actually you going around to her house and taking her into custody? I wanted to at least report something, but they said, no, we'd have to go and take her away, take her to the station and question her. And I didn't really want to do that.
28:28 Dax Shepard? Well, I'm glad you've documented a lot of this stuff. I think that's very smart.
28:33 Speaker 03 Definitely. I've got a lot of printouts.
28:34 Dax Shepard? Oh, man.
28:35 Speaker 01 That's harrowing.
28:36 Dax Shepard? It is, dude. What a story. I'm so sorry you've been going through that. And I'm delighted you have someone that's nice.
28:43 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah. We're actually on a boat right now. We're sailing.
28:46 Dax Shepard? Oh, you are?
28:47 Speaker 01 Wow.
28:48 Speaker 03 This meeting just timed in a little sailing trip with our friends. So we're on the west coast of Vancouver Island on their sailboat, heading to an anchorage right now. So that's why I'm kind of look like I'm a little drunk on the camera.
28:59 Dax Shepard? Okay, wow, wow, wow.
29:00 Speaker 01 Hope your sailing trip is super fun.
29:02 Dax Shepard? Okay, take care. Thanks, Seth. Bye.
29:06 Speaker 01 You gotta be careful about who you procreate with.
29:11 Dax Shepard? Do. This is the theme of this last week, I think. You just don't know what's going on with anybody. Like, people are in relationships like that.
29:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, oof.
29:20 Dax Shepard? Oh, it's brutal. Here's Emma. What if it's our Emma? We're just learning she's been divorced.
29:24 Speaker 01 I've known her since she was quite young.
29:26 Dax Shepard? Well, that's what's even crazier. It's been a high school.
29:30 Speaker 05 Cherry shirt? That's a cute shirt. When I bought this, I was like, if I ever go on Armchair Anonymous, I obviously have to wear this shirt. It's great.
29:40 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it's super cute. Emma, where are you?
29:43 Speaker 05 I am in North Carolina, in a little suburb outside of Raleigh.
29:46 Dax Shepard? Oh, I just love North Carolina. So you have a divorce story?
29:51 Speaker 05 I have a crazy divorce story.
29:52 Dax Shepard? Oh, good. The crazier, the better.
29:54 Speaker 05 So I have to give you a little bit of backstory before we get to the juicy bits. The sad parts are first, but don't stay too sad. And in order to understand why my 32-year-old husband was in a nursing home, I have to tell you these parts. Okay. So April 28th of 2021, I'm a chef. I own a catering company and I opened a little cafe. And six days later, my 32-year-old husband had a massive stroke. Oh. He had a genetic condition that we didn't know about called vascular aileron stenosis, and it causes your organs and arteries to rupture spontaneously. So in the middle of the night, his carotid artery just blew up.
30:32 Dax Shepard? Oh, my God.
30:33 Speaker 05 So thankfully, he woke up when that happened and he fell out of bed and made noise. And so that alerted me. I was able to call 911. We got him to a stroke center in time and they were able to save his life, but it left him with massive deficits. Thankfully, it was on the right side of his brain and he was right-handed. And so if you're right-handed and you bleed into the right side of your brain, the most of the stuff that's held there is the function on the left side of your body. So he didn't lose speech or himself or anything big like that, but he was paralyzed on the left side of his body. And he lost his filter. Oh.
31:15 Speaker 05 Whereas you and I would know not to say things, suddenly he didn't. They were able to stop the bleeding, but they were not able to restore blood flow. So he was basically dead on the right side of his brain. And we went through months and months of rehab and therapy in hospitals. And in the end of July, they were like, we think we can send him home. And I was like, I don't know. We have three little kids, little, little. My youngest was one at the time.
31:42 Speaker 01 Oh.
31:43 Dax Shepard? My, I gotta just say, Emma, already, wow, did you go through it?
31:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:47 Dax Shepard? Oh, my God, what a nightmare.
31:49 Speaker 05 It was one full year of every morning waking up being like, what catastrophic shoe is gonna drop today? So they sent him home and his best friend Tim came to live with us and be his caretaker so that I could keep working, keep taking care of the kids, keep taking care of him. Everyone was just treading water, just trying to survive. Obviously, when you have brain injury, the stimulation of a regular household is a lot. But a household with three little kids, and we were poor, poor. I had just opened a restaurant. We had a little house with little kids and it caused him to become really violent. And unfortunately, he hurt one of our kids.
32:28 Dax Shepard? Oh.
32:28 Speaker 05 Where I would have been like, oh, my four-year-old said no to me. You need to go sit in timeout. He didn't have that filter anymore. And so the four-year-old said no to him and he just lost it. And he didn't have function on the left side, so his right side was way overcompensating. That night CPS had to get involved because a child had been injured enough that I had to take him to the hospital. The doctors were able to say, okay, we're gonna take your husband out of the home and rehospitalize him. He had seventeen days of insurance left. So they were like, we'll keep him for at least seventeen days until we figure out what to do. And then CPS came in and they were like, whatever it is, he's not coming home. And so I'm stuck in this position of how do I keep my vows to this man that I love but don't know anymore?
33:13 Speaker 05 And how do I take care of my primary responsibility, which is the health and safety of my children? And so the very difficult decision was made to move him into a nursing home, which I don't know if you've ever had to do that, but it's very expensive.
33:26 Dax Shepard? Oh, God, yes.
33:27 Speaker 01 Especially being so young, so for so long.
33:30 Speaker 05 Lot of places wouldn't take him because of his age.
33:33 Dax Shepard? Really quick, in the wake of this, when you talk to him, is he dealing with like massive guilt after that episode? When he calms down, does he realize what he's done?
33:43 Speaker 05 He was super depressed when I explained to him like, hey, you broke our child's ribs. He was like, well, he needed a spanking, which we've never done. Like I don't spank my kids. And so I was like, I'm not sure where that came from.
33:57 Dax Shepard? Yes, that's very scary. That's not the person you knew.
34:00 Speaker 01 It's almost better if you felt so guilty, that would be worse in some ways.
34:05 Speaker 05 Then we would all just be sad. It helped make the decision for me easier of like, you're not going to be okay. And so his parents lived in a really rural part of Pennsylvania and things are just cheaper there. And so we worked together and we found a care home that would take him for just his social security benefits. It was 10 minutes from his parents' house and they were both retired, so it was gonna be great. And I was trying to at least once a month, drive up with my kids. And the first month I go and I'm like, wow, this is really weird. He's very angry at me. He won't talk to me. He won't look at me. He just glares at me. Like, oh, he's depressed. But go back the next month. And this time I'm like, wow, there's a lot of money missing from our bank account. Somebody had started a GoFundMe when he first got sick.
34:49 Speaker 05 And I had saved like nineteen thousand dollars that I was using for his continued therapies. And I was like, there's like six thousand dollars missing. Where's this money going? I can't find it. And then we go and it's another terrible visit. And I'm like, something's wrong. And by the time we get to Christmas, I remember saying to my mom right before I left, I feel like I'm in purgatory. I'm gonna keep going to visit this man because I've made vows to him and I love him, but I don't know him and he hates me.
35:16 Dax Shepard? Yes, yeah, yeah.
35:18 Speaker 05 Something's going on here. I just know it. She was like, well, let's pray that God shows you what it is. Cause we're Christians. And so I was like, all right, Lord, show me what it is. Release me from whatever trial hell I'm in. We go, he is refusing to look at me. And there's six thousand more dollars missing, for twelve thousand dollars at this point. And I just off the cuff said to him, do you know why twelve thousand dollars would be missing from our bank accounts? I need your phone. I need to remove you from our bank accounts. I think maybe you're spending money on your games and you don't realize it.
35:50 Dax Shepard? Oh.
35:51 Speaker 05 And he was like, okay, gave me his phone. And then I was like, hey, just to make sure, like, we're good, right? And he goes, we're fine. I leave and I get a text from him that says, there's one nurse here that I just get along with and we're friends. And sometimes she helps take care of me at night. Anyway, she's been removed from my care because everyone's starting rumors. It's so middle school.
36:13 Dax Shepard? So he basically admits he's had an affair with one of the nurses.
36:17 Speaker 01 Oh, boy.
36:18 Speaker 05 So I was like, they don't just do that unless there's a reason. So I call the facility. I'm like, hey, what's going on? They go, we can't prove anything, but if you could get into his phone, we think he's communicating with her on Facebook. So I text him back. I'm like, send me your Facebook login. And I truly believe God made him exceptionally stupid in that moment because he did. And I found from the week he moved into the nursing home until present months of messages with this woman and him sending her money.
36:45 Speaker 01 Oh, good God, this whole thing. What a mess.
36:49 Speaker 05 It gets worse.
36:50 Speaker 01 Oh, no. I thought you said it was gonna get better.
37:04 Dax Shepard? We get support from our sponsor, Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Gleepran. Foundo is a once-daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.
37:29 Speaker 06 Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it or if you or someone in your family had majorary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes. If you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be, or taking birth control pills, and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems.
38:09 Speaker 06 Once daily Foundo is available by prescription only in 0.8 mg, 2.5 mg, 5.5 mg, 9 mg, 14.5 mg, and 17.2 mg tablets. Learn more at foundo.lilly.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.
38:27 Dax Shepard? We get support from ZipRecruiter. Oh, get recruiting. So I went down this rabbit hole the other day on real holiday jobs that exist and I couldn't stop. Somebody out there is hiring a ham glazer, a professional ham glazer. Another place is hiring a lead elf, implying a whole hierarchy of elves I had never even considered. Here's the thing, these jobs need real skills. People like that are hard to find. Whether you're hiring for one of these roles or any other role, the best way to find qualified people who are genuinely excited about your role is on ZipRecruiter. And right now you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com/dax. Plus ZipRecruiter has a new feature that shows
39:09 Dax Shepard? you the most interested qualified candidates first, so you meet the right people faster. No wonder ZipRecruiter is the number one rated hiring site based on G2. Let ZipRecruiter find the right people for your roles, seasonal or otherwise. Try it for free today at ziprecruiter.com/dax. That's ziprecruiter.com/dax. Meet your match on ZipRecruiter.
39:34 Dax Shepard? We get support from Instagram teen accounts. So we talk a lot on this show about how the world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?
39:51 Speaker 01 Which is a fair question.
39:52 Dax Shepard? Yeah, so Instagram has got something called teen accounts and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them. And time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10:00 PM to 7:00 AM.
40:18 Speaker 01 Sleep mode is genius.
40:19 Dax Shepard? Right? And here's the thing, for anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age appropriate experiences for teens.
40:35 Speaker 01 I am really glad Instagram's helping to give parents peace of mind with teen accounts.
40:39 Dax Shepard? Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.
40:56 Speaker 05 So because she's a nurse and because he's mentally incapacitated, they had to get the police involved because is he capable of consent? They take his phone from him and they start going through it. And the officer calls me a couple of days later and he's like, I'm gonna run some names by you and I just want you to tell me if they're familiar to you. Do you know a name? Ashley. Like, yeah, I know an Ashley. That was a single mom he used to help out all the time. Okay, well, we have pictures of them naked together. Seven women from before the stroke.
41:25 Dax Shepard? Oh.
41:26 Speaker 05 So this was a pattern he had started pre-stroke.
41:30 Speaker 01 What is happening? Oh, my God.
41:33 Speaker 05 First opportunity post-stroke, he was like, I'm gonna get me some of that. And I try not to be petty, but the night nurse didn't have all her teeth. And like, I'm not a stone cold pen.
41:48 Dax Shepard? Well, look, desperate times call for desperate managers.
41:51 Speaker 01 It clearly had nothing to do with how anyone looked or behaved or was. That was an addiction.
41:56 Speaker 05 For sure. So being Christian was like, I don't know if I should leave him. Like, I don't know what to do.
42:00 Dax Shepard? Well, hold on though. God kind of just gave you an absolute guilt free out.
42:05 Speaker 05 Yes. My pastors were like, you're leaving him, obviously. I didn't know how to do it because it's a bad look to leave the crippled guy. His injury had been semi-viral. And so how do you go about saying, thank you so much for all of your support. Also, I'm leaving him.
42:21 Dax Shepard? Without going cuz he fucked everyone I knew.
42:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, cuz you also don't really want to do that.
42:24 Speaker 05 Right. Without airing dirty laundry. So I made like a very politically correct statement of there's sin in this family and it's guts to go and the sin is him.
42:35 Dax Shepard? The sin is him. I want that shirt.
42:37 Speaker 05 So I left him and I stopped taking any of the phone calls from the nursing home. I was like, he's your problem now. His parents took over his care completely. I say this with my full chest. It is better to be husbandless than to be with a bad husband. I've been single now for three and a half years and it has been the happiest, lightest, most joyful three and a half years of my life. Oh, I love them. So happy to hear that. My kids are thriving. Everyone's doing great. Unfortunately, they have the same genetic condition that he does. So tomorrow we go to Duke because the only cardiologist in the country that treats this condition is at Duke. And so we go yearly for a visit.
43:18 Speaker 05 There is no treatment or cure, but they have them on a beta blocker to see if over time your blood hitting your vessels more softly will help with some longevity of your vessels. But right now, no treatment or cure. There's 30,000 people in the world with this condition and eight of them are children and three of those are mine.
43:38 Dax Shepard? Oh, my Lord.
43:40 Speaker 05 We didn't know until that happened to him and then the rest of his family was tested and a bunch of them are positive. So I think a lot of it gets chalked up to like heart disease because you would die of a heart attack or your aorta rupturing and you wouldn't necessarily think to test for a genetic condition that was underlying. I'm thankful for the doctors at Duke. They're so wonderful and smart and they make me feel much more comfortable about it. So, you know, I'm just out here trying to make their lives the happiest they can be and take care of them the best I know how by myself. And it's been much easier doing it by myself.
44:10 Dax Shepard? You're such a good woman.
44:12 Speaker 05 I know. You're such a nice person. How's your business? I did end up closing the cafe after a year because something had to give, but I still own the catering company. So I do a lot of craft services, actually. So I just worked with David Letterman a couple of weeks ago.
44:28 Dax Shepard? Oh, cool.
44:29 Speaker 05 I was like, oh, turn to the pod. What is it called? E M apostrophe S. M's catering.
44:37 Dax Shepard? Yes. If you're in North Carolina, let's get it going. Yes.
44:40 Speaker 05 I make delicious mac and cheese. Oh, that sounds tasty.
44:44 Dax Shepard? Although, to be fair, it's hard to make bad tasting macaroni.
44:48 Speaker 05 No, that's not true.
44:49 Dax Shepard? No, there's excellent. But I mean, you're starting with a good.
44:51 Speaker 05 Pasta and cheese is hard to mess up.
44:54 Dax Shepard? Well, Emma, it's so nice to meet you. I cannot believe what you've gone through and still have a smile on your face.
45:00 Speaker 05 I know. Very admirable. Thank you. My kids loved Race to 270. They would be like, is it time to listen to Daxson, the guy who giggles?
45:08 Dax Shepard? Well, tell your kids good news. At the end of August, the guy who giggles and I are doing another show.
45:14 Speaker 05 They'll be thrilled.
45:15 Dax Shepard? Yeah, very much the same vibe.
45:17 Speaker 05 Thank you guys so much. This was really fun.
45:19 Dax Shepard? Good luck with everything. Bye bye.
45:22 Speaker 07 Hello.
45:23 Dax Shepard? Hello. Can you hear us?
45:25 Speaker 07 Can you hear me?
45:26 Dax Shepard? Perfectly. Celia, where are you?
45:28 Speaker 07 I live in Yucca Valley, which is right by Joshua Tree National Park.
45:33 Dax Shepard? Oh, I know Yucca Valley. There's a military installation there, yeah?
45:36 Speaker 07 Yes.
45:36 Dax Shepard? Are you a member of that military?
45:38 Speaker 07 My dad was a Marine and that's how we ended up here.
45:41 Dax Shepard? And you guys get about 2,000 mile an hour winds just out of nowhere?
45:44 Speaker 07 Oh, yeah. It's awful.
45:47 Dax Shepard? I would never have said that, but every time I'm up there, I'm like, man, you gotta love wind. Was the wind the source of this divorce?
45:53 Speaker 07 No.
45:54 Dax Shepard? Okay.
45:56 Speaker 07 I've submitted this story a couple of different times. I was like, I finally found a prompt that sticks. Because I was like, this could be a meet cute. It could be an internship. It could be a divorce. There's so many elements.
46:10 Dax Shepard? Let's hear it.
46:11 Speaker 07 Okay, so the divorce took place in 2013, but backstory, I married my high school boyfriend in 2011. We were both 23. There had been some problems. I was in grad school and I was really trying to finish my degree. I'm working on a thesis project with other people and I wasn't home a lot. I was busy. He had started hanging out with someone from his work who was a single woman. That's kind of not super appropriate, but I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. He was from not the greatest childhood, a lot of trauma, a lot of drug use.
46:53 Speaker 07 His mom passed away when he was 16 and his dad was in and out of jail. So I don't think a good relationship was ever really modeled for him.
47:01 Dax Shepard? Do you have the compulsion at all to rescue people? I mean, you went into the medical field.
47:06 Speaker 07 A thousand percent. We were dating for like six years. By the time we got married, there was this little voice in my deepest heart of hearts that was like. This isn't for you. I really didn't listen to myself, my inner voice. I kind of pushed all that aside. That's when your mom was saying how she wouldn't leave a relationship, even if it was abusive because she was so ashamed.
47:29 Dax Shepard? Yes.
47:30 Speaker 07 We got married, my friends, my family, we did this whole wedding. In the back of my mind, I'm so embarrassed. I put them all through this. They all supported me.
47:39 Dax Shepard? It's funny. I think we all think that way, but they all supported you being happy is what they supported.
47:44 Speaker 07 And then it like turns out I wasn't.
47:46 Dax Shepard? Yeah, right.
47:47 Speaker 07 Yeah. So they'd support you anytime you're trying to be happy. Right. So during this time, he had really developed strong, like I'm a libertarian. And because his parents had a lot of substance use issues, he went completely the other way. So like, I'm a straight edge and I don't do any substances and you shouldn't either. If you love me, you won't do that in front of me. Oh, boy. And you should respect me. I'm 21 years old. I'm in college. Lots of things were changing. And I was getting ready to finish school and I had to do six months of unpaid internships. And I was like, I know we're not going to be able to afford to live where we are. We're going to have to move back home. And so he decided he was gonna go back to
48:32 Speaker 07 our hometown and find us a place to live for when I finish with my school and we move back. The day he was supposed to leave, he was like, I can't find anyone to go with me. I asked all my friends and everybody's busy, but she said she was available, the single woman. And I'm like, what married man goes on a eight hour road trip with a single woman? And all my friends were like, what the fuck? And of course, it was like gaslighting, like, well, do you want me to fall asleep and crash the car and die? And I need someone to go with me. And so it made it me feel like, well, if I say no, then I'm saying, well, okay, yeah, I want you to risk your life. I was like, it's an
49:12 Speaker 07 eight hour drive. Like, I don't think it's that intense. But, okay. So he shows up at my parents' house. He hasn't told them what is happening. And he has this girl with him. And they're like, who is she?
49:25 Speaker 01 Right.
49:25 Speaker 07 And they're calling me like, who is this girl? And I'm like, he said he needed someone to drive with and they were so disturbed by the whole thing. And he just couldn't understand why we were all so upset. This was really starting to be the downfall and I figured, okay, he's not going to speak with her anymore because we're moving back home eight hours away. We rented this small house. I was going to start my internship. I'm willing to just be like, let's start fresh. I started my internship at a hospital. My very first day, I met a marine who had been injured in a workup for deployment. He was carrying a tank truck with another marine who, the other marine dropped their end unexpectedly. And he got this extreme whiplash injury.
50:11 Speaker 04 Ooh.
50:11 Speaker 07 So his spinal cord was bruised. So he was paralyzed from the neck down. But as the swelling slowly went down, he slowly started getting more feeling and movement back. So I meet him my very first day, you know, I felt so bad. His parents couldn't come out and be with him. He was all alone in the hospital. Couple of weeks go by and I'm not really his therapist, but I'm just in the same vicinity. And they would have me do some little activities with him. And I was like, oh, this is a really cool guy. I feel so bad for him. He's here all alone. A couple of weeks into it, I found out my husband was still texting that girl. I'm not usually a jealous or Snoopy type, but something told me like to check his phone and he had been texting her.
50:56 Speaker 07 All this stuff about how he couldn't find a job and he was worried and all the things like he should have been sharing with me, he wasn't. And so I was like, if you can have friends, then so can I, which is not mature. I was chatting with this marine at work and I added him on Facebook, but I wasn't trying to do anything shady. He was like, oh God, I have to shave every day and these hospital razors are killing my face. And I was like, we have a ton of razors at home. I'll bring you some. So the next day was my day off, but I stopped by the hospital. And was like, hey, I brought you some razors. He was like, oh my gosh, thank you so much. And we chatted for a little bit and he stood up out of his wheelchair to give me a hug.
51:39 Speaker 07 If I'm being a hundred percent honest, it was a little flirty, but nothing crazy. Okay. Like nothing inappropriate happened. But I was just like, huh, I wonder what it would be like to be with a normal guy. So went into work the next day I came in and my instructor was like, we need to talk. Did you come here on your day off? And I was like, yeah.
52:04 Speaker 07 Is that bad? I brought him something. He said he was having a really hard time with the razors. I had extra. I was in the area. I brought him to him. He was like, someone saw you being inappropriate with him. And I was like, he gave me a hug and he was like, you know, I'm just so surprised because you're married. And I remember thinking like, well, that's none of your business really, but okay. He was like, well, you need to go see your patients and I have to call your school. And tell them what happened and we'll decide what to do with you at the end of the day. And you're not allowed to speak to that patient ever again. And I was like, oh my God.
52:44 Speaker 07 And so I immediately went to the bathroom and messaged him on Facebook.
52:51 Speaker 07 And I was like, I am so sorry. I don't know what happened, but I'm in big trouble. They said that I was inappropriate. Like I didn't mean to drag you into this. I'm so sorry. And then he goes, no, I'm sorry. He's like, I'm in trouble too. And I said, from who?
53:05 Dax Shepard? Everyone's in trouble.
53:06 Speaker 07 Somebody called my commanding officer and said, your marine is here doing inappropriate things with a student.
53:14 Dax Shepard? Okay. I got a hunch what's happening. There's a nurse that likes him.
53:18 Speaker 07 We're not sure a hundred percent, but he had had a run in with a nurse who was refusing to give him pain medications and accusing him of being a drug seeker. Even though he wasn't taking them ahead of schedule, he wasn't asking for them all the time. And he was like, you have no right to not carry out a doctor's order. He ordered those for me. They're due at this time. And I'm telling you, my pain is an eight out of 10. She raised this whole big thing. And so he basically told her like, get the fuck out of my room. Like, I never want you to be my nurse ever again.
53:50 Dax Shepard? Yeah, there we go.
53:51 Speaker 07 So we think it was her because she had a vendetta against him. So I was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. He's like, here's my number. Like, if you need anything, call me. And so I go and I work the rest of the day. I see all my patients. And then at the very end of the day, they sit me down and they're like, we were gonna just put you on probation and see how you did the next few weeks. But because someone called his commanding officer, it's a HIPAA violation. We unfortunately have to terminate your internship.
54:25 Speaker 01 Oh my God. On the pit, I feel like they hugged patients.
54:30 Dax Shepard? I'm gonna try to be as generous as possible. What we don't know is, did they have four in a row affairs between patients and doctors or nurses? That resulted in all kinds of shit, in lawsuits. Who knows what they are coming off of?
54:45 Speaker 07 Right. And I was like, maybe they just didn't want to deal with the liability of everything. I kept it together, but the minute I left the building, I started sobbing.
54:54 Dax Shepard? Of course. You've just spent six years getting your graduate degree.
54:58 Speaker 07 What am I gonna do, you know? And then it was a catalyst in my whole life because I was just like, why did I allow myself to talk to this guy? Why did I open myself up? I was like, it's because I'm not happy. I called him immediately and was like, they just terminated my internship. And he was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. And I was like, what happened to you? Are you in trouble? And he was like, nah. Basically, my CO was like, well, what'd you do, fucker?
55:28 Speaker 07 He was like, no, she just gave me something and he was like, okay, well, that's fine.
55:33 Dax Shepard? Right, right.
55:34 Speaker 07 I was like, I feel like I really got nailed to the cross. You're a married woman. I can't believe you would do that. So misogynistic. Looking back, I'm like, I feel like that really was. So I left, I went home. I told my husband, I just got terminated from my internship. And basically it just blew up. I was like, I don't think I can do this anymore. You know, this has really made me realize what's important in my life. And he was kind of like refusing to accept it. The next day I had to go back to return a book I had borrowed from my instructor. I don't know what came over me, but I texted the marine and I was like, I'm coming back to return a book. Could you meet me somewhere? And then he was like, tell me where. So I parked in the very bottom of the parking garage in a corner by a cement wall.
56:18 Dax Shepard? Like a CIA operation.
56:20 Speaker 07 And he wheeled himself in a wheelchair all the way down there because he still wasn't walking yet. Popped in my car and I was like, I don't know what to say. I'm in a bad relationship and he kissed me. Oh, wow.
56:34 Dax Shepard? It's so funny that this wouldn't have been on this trajectory, but they accused them of inappropriate stuff and then it fast tracked it.
56:41 Speaker 07 Yeah, it did. Yeah, I was kind of like, well, you guys think we're doing inappropriate things anyways. And I'm not working here. I'm not a student here anymore.
56:50 Dax Shepard? I'm doing the time. I might as well do the crime.
56:52 Speaker 07 I went home that day. I told my husband, like, it's over. And of course he freaked out and this whole big thing. And I was just like, no. And throughout this whole thing, the marine was like, I don't want to tell you to leave your husband. I just want you to do what you think is best for you. And that really stuck with me. I finally listened to that voice I had been ignoring for so long. Fast forward 12 years, I'm married to the marine. Oh, yeah, this is the me cute part. We have two beautiful babies. We've had a rough journey ourselves too, but we just kept coming back to each other. And I was like, there's a reason we met in that hospital. Wow.
57:31 Dax Shepard? And you're gainfully employed, I imagine, in your chosen profession.
57:34 Speaker 07 Yes, I wasn't a licensed therapist, so nothing got reported and I still went on and. Became an occupational therapist. It was the craziest thing that's ever happened to me. I was like, am I living in a movie? Like, is this real life? I couldn't believe it was all happening that way.
57:50 Dax Shepard? A wounded marine and an occupational therapist. It does sound very movie-esque.
57:58 Speaker 01 Definitely is.
57:59 Dax Shepard? Oh.
58:00 Speaker 01 Wow, well, thanks for sharing that.
58:02 Dax Shepard? This was so fun. What a great story. We needed that one, too.
58:04 Speaker 01 Had a happy ending.
58:05 Dax Shepard? Yeah, very happy ending.
58:07 Speaker 07 Thank you, guys. Thanks for listening.
58:09 Dax Shepard? All right, take care.
58:11 Speaker 01 Wow, divorces, eee.
58:15 Speaker 01 You know.
58:16 Dax Shepard? They're not fun.
58:17 Speaker 01 It's not a fun thing to have to go through. But sometimes it has happy endings. And Emma said that it's better to be husbandless than to have a bad husband. And that's a good takeaway.
58:28 Dax Shepard? Yeah, that is a good takeaway. And I think the same could be said for wifeless.
58:32 Speaker 01 That's not what Emma said.
58:33 Dax Shepard? But that's what I'm saying.
58:33 Speaker 01 You have an experience, so you just don't know.
58:36 Dax Shepard? You're right, I've not had a bad wife.
58:38 Speaker 01 You have not.
58:39 Dax Shepard? Maybe the next one will be bad.
58:42 Dax Shepard? All right, love you.
58:45 Speaker 08 Do you want to sing a tune or something? We don't have a theme song.
58:49 Dax Shepard? Okay, great.
58:50 Speaker 08 We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions.
59:05 Speaker 08 On the fly, a rhyme dish. On the fly, a rhyme dish. Enjoy.
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