Pod Insights Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Armchair Anonymous: Sleepwalking II About this episode Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a crazy sleepwalking experience.
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Transcript 9,957 words · 12 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Dax Shepard? Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard, joined by Monica Padman.
0:05 Speaker 01 Hi.
0:05 Dax Shepard? Hi. Today is sleepwalking, part two.
0:10 Speaker 01 People are out and about in their sleep.
0:12 Dax Shepard? In their slumber. They get busy nocturnally.
0:15 Speaker 01 And it brought up a really interesting thought experiment. Like, can you be arrested for doing something bad while you sleep?
0:22 Dax Shepard? Are you liable when you're unconscious?
0:25 Speaker 01 Yep.
0:25 Dax Shepard? Oh, let's find out. Please enjoy sleepwalking. We get support from Quince.
0:32 Speaker 01 Okay, can we talk about the fact that the holidays are already here? It's crazy. I feel like I blinked and now we're in gifting season, which I'm not really mad about because I do love giving gifts and Quince is making it so easy to find something great for everyone on my list, including myself, because let's be honest, self-gifting is a love language.
0:52 Dax Shepard? Quince is seriously the gift that keeps on giving. Their high-quality staples are made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, 14-karat gold, and Italian leather. Full-on luxury quality at prices that won't wreck your holiday budget.
1:08 Speaker 01 It's the dream. The cashmere sweater, starting at $60, down jackets, wool outerwear, cashmere accessories. You and everyone on your list are staying cozy and looking incredible all season long.
1:19 Dax Shepard? Well, I'm gonna tell you this. It just got chilly for the first time this year in California, and I'm so excited. And I'm wearing my Quince cashmere right now.
1:26 Speaker 01 It's great.
1:27 Dax Shepard? Yeah, and I am going to gift this to some of my friends. I hope they're not listening.
1:31 Speaker 01 Quince is also more than clothing. They've got fine jewelry for your significant other, leather bags for your bestie, hotel-quality bedding to set up your guest rooms, chef-grade cookware. That's an amazing thing they offer here, and it's such a good gift because people don't like buying cookware for themselves, but it's very important. And they also have five-star luggage, another good gift that people don't like buying for themselves.
1:53 Dax Shepard? Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. This episode is supported by Helix.
2:18 Speaker 01 Okay, can we talk about how November is basically survival mode between the holidays, the travel, the hosting, the cooking, the everything? Sleep is the one thing keeping me from completely unraveling.
2:29 Dax Shepard? It really is the foundation, and I think people underestimate how much a bad mattress is quietly ruining their day. You wake up stiff, your back's angry, you're already behind before your feet hit the floor.
2:40 Speaker 01 That was me before Helix. I took their sleep quiz, which is so fast, it took me like two minutes, and they matched me to a mattress that actually fits how I sleep. Not a guess, not a firm or soft coin flip, it's a real match. I have a midnight mattress, and I really like it. I was noticing it because I actually had to sleep in one of my other beds recently that doesn't have a Helix mattress on it, and I really could tell a big difference in my sleep.
3:03 Dax Shepard? Temperature was all over the map.
3:04 Speaker 01 It was a mess. I need a new one.
3:06 Dax Shepard? Look, they've got over 20 mattress models, so whether you sleep hot, need extra back support, or you've got a partner who moves around all night, there's one built for you. Plus, free shipping and a 365 night happy with Helix guarantee. That's a full year to decide.
3:20 Speaker 01 Helix has been named the most awarded mattress by Forbes, Wired, and more. So it's not just us being enthusiastic, the experts agree.
3:27 Dax Shepard? Right now, Helix is running their Black Friday sale with up to 30% off. Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. Helixsleep.com/armchair.
4:09 Speaker 02 Fantastic.
4:10 Dax Shepard? Natalie, what a head of hair you have.
4:13 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah. I've learned to love it over the years.
4:15 Dax Shepard? You could have been in Mani's mermaid commercial with her.
4:18 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's very nice.
4:19 Speaker 02 Thank you. I actually just got done watching Lion King on Broadway, so I'm channeling in the main.
4:25 Dax Shepard? The main's powerful.
4:26 Speaker 01 Very.
4:26 Speaker 02 Dax, I have to tell you something.
4:28 Dax Shepard? Yes.
4:28 Speaker 02 I quote, "Two things from you frequently in my daily life. One of them is, 'My girl rocks.' My girl does not rock," from Baby Mama.
4:37 Dax Shepard? Carl Loomis.
4:38 Speaker 02 Which, by the way, if you ever need to exit a playful argument, just always leave the room with, "I'm gonna bang all your friends. Consider them all banged."
4:47 Dax Shepard? Great.
4:47 Speaker 01 Which one's that from?
4:48 Dax Shepard? Also Carl Loomis.
4:49 Speaker 01 Oh.
4:50 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I wanna get mad at Babers.
4:52 Speaker 01 That's funny.
4:52 Dax Shepard? "My girl rocks" was not my line. That was in the script. But "I'm gonna bang all your friends," that's me.
4:57 Speaker 01 That sounds like you.
4:58 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you feel the DNA, I bet.
5:01 Speaker 02 It was a good one. And then I always have on my Instagram bio, I change it quite frequently, but right now, and it has been, "This is an 81 Honda. How dare you."
5:09 Speaker 01 That's also him, right?
5:10 Dax Shepard? That's me. That's Employee of the Month.
5:11 Speaker 01 No, I mean, that's also Carl Loomis, but no. Oh, wow.
5:14 Dax Shepard? That's Vince. Vince Downey, maybe, was his name. Check Stan 1. Vince Downey, fastest hands in the West.
5:21 Speaker 01 Do you ever say, "Here's the hat you're worship ordered?"
5:25 Dax Shepard? That's Monica's one line in her early play.
5:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's my fifth grade play line.
5:31 Speaker 02 I'll use it now.
5:31 Speaker 01 Thank you. You'll find us time to use it.
5:33 Dax Shepard? That's gonna be hard.
5:34 Speaker 01 Oh, I bet it'll come up more than you think.
5:36 Dax Shepard? Okay, so you have a sleepwalking story.
5:39 Speaker 02 I do. I'll set the scene for you a little bit. I'm based in Salt Lake City, Utah. This was in my hometown, Kaysville. It was 2006, 2007. I was 16 going on 17, so junior in high school. And I had made the high school drill team, which in Utah is, I would argue, the equivalent to like making the football team in a southern state. It's a big deal out here.
5:59 Speaker 01 Wow, nice.
6:00 Dax Shepard? What happens on drill?
6:01 Speaker 02 So we are a dance team. We perform at the half times and do all that fun stuff, but we are super competitive. So we go to regionals, nationals, state. We all grow up dancing at studios together. And then you move into high school together. And so you've really danced with each other since you were in kindergarten. When you make the drill team in high school, That alone is a huge celebration and it comes with a lot of responsibility. It is no pun intended drilled into your head that you are now a role model to the younger crowd in your community.
6:32 Dax Shepard? Big burden.
6:33 Speaker 02 Yes, you kind of feel like your local celebrity status a little bit. And then just because you made the team doesn't mean you get to dance. You continually audition to be in individual routines. You have the risk of being removed from those throughout the school year. If your reputation falls apart, if you're not treating people well, if you don't make grades, if you're tardy more than a couple of times, you're out. So there was a lot of stress that came with such a joyous adventure.
6:59 Dax Shepard? Would PDA in the hallway be penalized?
7:02 Speaker 02 Oh yeah, big no-no.
7:03 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I had a hunch.
7:05 Speaker 02 Any sort of rumor that you were doing any sort of extracurriculars with your partner was not okay. I was not raised in the Mormon faith. I'm kind of the outcast. A lot of pressure to be on your best behavior. And in general, I was a good kid. I followed a lot of rules. I broke some, but to give you an example of the kind of people pleasing mentality I had, I woke my mom up one night and was like, can I sneak out? Oh my God.
7:31 Dax Shepard? Can I sneak out? That's really great.
7:33 Speaker 02 That's so cute.
7:34 Dax Shepard? Did she say yes?
7:35 Speaker 02 Yeah, she did.
7:36 Dax Shepard? Yeah, good.
7:37 Speaker 02 If you ask.
7:37 Dax Shepard? You gotta honor that. You do, you're obligated to.
7:40 Speaker 02 Janet was pretty fun. She let me get away with some stuff. So when I made the team, you know, there's all this stress on you. And then we always had practice every other day before school at 6:00 AM. So you had to be there at 5:45 AM. If you were there at 6, you were late because they wanted you to start feet on the floor at 6. So one morning I wake up to a call from the captain of the team and she's like, hey Nat, where are you? I was like, oh my God, I slept through my alarm. The amount of adrenaline, I left my house in under five minutes. My school was five minutes from my house and you have to take just Main Street to get there. There's no speeding, there's no getting around things. There's five stoplights, you can't speed things up, but.
8:24 Speaker 02 To my house from high school, five minutes. So I got there 10 minutes left. And that kind of started this trajectory of me having a lot of sleep issues. Oh, no. I was so terrified of it happening again because that's one demerit against me. I could be taken out of a routine. I could not be able to dance at the game on Friday. Your life's work. Yes, you get it, cheerleader. So I remember checking my clock more obsessively than I used to, even though I was up. Just make sure I'm on time, make sure I'm on time.
8:55 Dax Shepard? The stress we put on kids.
8:56 Speaker 02 I know. I know. I look back now and I'm like, really? But the routine I always had every morning, which is important for the next portion of the story, is I would wake up. You had to have a slicked back bun with the right part, full black outfit, then you have my dance shoes, bag packed because right after practice, we'd go to school. So we had to get ready in the locker room. I kind of had this routine of getting everything ready, eating my cereal and watching Saved by the Bell. And then I would get in my car and go to school. And one morning, I remember obsessively checking my clock to make sure I was on time. I vividly remember three or four times just staring at my alarm clock like, okay, I'm good. The next thing I remember, I woke up in my car in the high school parking lot,
9:38 Speaker 02 hair slicked back, in my full gear, bag was on my passenger seat, car was running. I have no memory of how I got there. I'm scared. This is like a ghost story. It was 12:30 in the morning.
9:54 Dax Shepard? Oh, 12:30 AM.
9:57 Speaker 02 Oh, my god. AM.
9:58 Dax Shepard? Okay, that helps because I'm like, wait, you woke up, you saw it was five, but then you went back to sleep while you were getting ready? But no, no, no, no, no.
10:06 Speaker 02 No, no.
10:07 Dax Shepard? Okay, so 12:30 AM, you got yourself all the way to school, ready with the part.
10:12 Speaker 02 But you were sleeping.
10:13 Dax Shepard? And it was blackout.
10:15 Speaker 02 Had no memory of getting there. So I'm sitting there.
10:18 Dax Shepard? This is madness.
10:20 Speaker 02 This kind of feels like a seizure. I was convinced my friends had plucked me out of my bed, planted me in my car as a prank. I was like, how does this happen? And this is all like processing in a matter of seconds. I'm like surveying my situation. So I call my mom and I'm at this point crying. I'm like, I'm in my car at school. I don't know how I got here. And she's like, what?
10:42 Dax Shepard? Well, you gotta worry. Now my kid has a real issue. It's very abnormal behavior.
10:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, it scared her quite a bit when I talked to her about it to like, remember everything. She was like, yeah, this is not fun for me as a parent.
10:52 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
10:54 Speaker 02 She's a light sleeper. She has four daughters. It's not like I was her first rodeo anyways.
10:57 Speaker 01 No one in the house heard you?
10:59 Speaker 02 No one heard me.
11:00 Dax Shepard? Well, that's late. You've just gone to sleep. Like, if ever there was a time, I feel like that would be the time everyone's like, deep fucking asleep. Babies are rolling around, yeah?
11:08 Speaker 02 I've thought about that too, because my dad was an early riser. He worked construction and he was up at like five usually on his own. So had it been even in four AM mark, I think he would have heard me.
11:17 Dax Shepard? What time were you going to bed back then? How long do you think you had been asleep?
11:21 Speaker 02 I usually went between like 10, 10:30.
11:23 Dax Shepard? So you got an hour or two of sleep and then got on the road. Did your hair, parted it, top bun?
11:29 Speaker 01 That's why I'm surprised no one heard. You were getting ready. Like, that is loud, kind of. You probably ate your cereal.
11:35 Dax Shepard? What is, the one thing she left out is she goes, we did have a 13,000 square foot house.
11:40 Speaker 01 I had my own wing.
11:41 Speaker 02 Massive. I live in a mansion up in the mountains. No, very low key area, but it was terrifying. And the thing that was the worst, that kind of validated it all was, as I'm on the phone with my mom, she's now walking through the house. Because she's like, what happened? And she goes, Natalie, your cereal bowl's out.
11:57 Speaker 01 See? Wow.
11:58 Speaker 02 You ate. The TV is on and you've turned out all the lights. You've gone through your full routine.
12:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, wow.
12:05 Dax Shepard? But Saved by the Bell wasn't on, so I'm very curious what you were watching.
12:09 Speaker 02 Yeah, I don't know what I was watching.
12:11 Dax Shepard? Know Zack Morris? And did it lead to, there's, one version might be like, that's a bottom and it fixed itself, or now everything's even worse?
12:20 Speaker 02 It got worse for a minute. She caught me a couple more times at like 2:00 AM to 3:00 AMs trying to get ready. And she was like, go to bed.
12:29 Speaker 01 This is scary.
12:30 Dax Shepard? Yeah, this is maniacal.
12:32 Speaker 01 Did you tell your coach? Look what you've done to me.
12:36 Dax Shepard? No. Complaining's a demerit.
12:38 Speaker 01 See, remember when you said complaining's bad? Sometimes it's good because like this needs to be called out.
12:43 Dax Shepard? You're permitted to self-defend. That's what people got mixed up on the revenge episode. Revenge addiction. Some people are going off in the comments. They're like, well, what about, you know, and if I'm a victim? And it's like, you're allowed to defend yourself.
12:54 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
12:55 Dax Shepard? This is a different thing. Yeah. Did you guys at least win state or anything?
12:59 Speaker 02 We won regionals. We were six A that year.
13:01 Dax Shepard? Okay. It was worth it.
13:05 Speaker 02 But yeah, there was no other times like in my adult life I haven't. I've only had one weird experience, but I had set up a contraption around my front door when I lived alone. One time I found my deadbolt unlocked and I had again, like a full ritual. So I know, and it was undone. And I was like, I fucking bet you I tried to get out of my apartment.
13:22 Speaker 01 Wow. Ooh.
13:25 Dax Shepard? It's kind of exciting too. It's like you go to sleep and you're like, hmm, I wonder where I'll wake up.
13:29 Speaker 01 You definitely shouldn't be driving while sleeping.
13:33 Dax Shepard? Well, she did a good job. She got to the parking lot.
13:35 Speaker 01 This is a bad tip, but if you were drinking and driving and you got pulled over, you could be like, oh.
13:44 Dax Shepard? For the listener, Monica just acted startled. I'm gonna be the cop.
13:47 Speaker 01 Okay.
13:47 Dax Shepard? Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over?
13:49 Speaker 01 Where am I?
13:50 Dax Shepard? Well, it smells like you're in a bar, but you're not. You're behind the wheel of your car. You reek like alcohol.
13:56 Speaker 01 Oh, my God. Officer, I did drink and I Ubered home and I don't know how I got here. I must've slept.
14:03 Dax Shepard? But unfortunately you still drove your car while intoxicated.
14:06 Speaker 01 I didn't mean I was sleeping.
14:07 Dax Shepard? We don't really have any loopholes, unfortunately.
14:10 Speaker 01 Officer, please.
14:11 Speaker 02 I have wondered what would a cop have done?
14:13 Speaker 01 Yeah. What if you killed some, like really?
14:16 Speaker 02 Oh, terrifying.
14:18 Speaker 01 Could they arrest you because you were sleeping?
14:20 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I don't think you could use that as a defense. There has been these cases. I was watching another one of these lines and a guy who had well documented night terrors, killed his neighbor.
14:31 Speaker 01 Oh, see?
14:32 Dax Shepard? So people have done wild shit because if you're having a nightmare that your neighbor's trying to kill you and you think it's self-defense.
14:40 Speaker 01 That's crazy.
14:41 Dax Shepard? Natalie, thank you for that. What a bizarre, yeah, yeah.
14:44 Speaker 02 I have a quick question for you. I have two sisters that have turned me on to armchair and they are the whole reason that I have entered prompts. Could they say hello?
14:52 Dax Shepard? Yes, let us thank them.
14:53 Speaker 02 Let me grab them, two seconds.
14:55 Speaker 03 We also deprive my niece of sleep because we wanted her to see you.
14:59 Dax Shepard? Oh, wonderful.
15:05 Speaker 01 Okay, but you shouldn't deprive her of sleep because that's the story.
15:08 Speaker 03 My mom is like, do you think she really cares? I was like, no, but I do. She has to stay awake. You need this birdie.
15:15 Speaker 01 Oh.
15:16 Dax Shepard? Oh, birdie.
15:17 Speaker 01 We love that.
15:19 Speaker 03 But I want to say, we love you guys. Your open-minded approach to everyone has softened my approach to the world.
15:25 Dax Shepard? Oh, good. Well, we should all thank Laura LeBeau for that.
15:28 Speaker 03 Yeah.
15:30 Dax Shepard? I'm just carrying on her approach.
15:32 Speaker 01 Well, I'm not.
15:32 Dax Shepard? But I infected you. All right. Well, nice meeting you guys.
15:37 Speaker 03 Thank you.
15:37 Dax Shepard? Bye.
15:40 Dax Shepard? Abby?
15:41 Speaker 03 Yeah, hi.
15:42 Dax Shepard? You're one of our younger listeners. How old are you, Abby?
15:44 Speaker 03 I was worried you guys would be able to tell that right away. I'm 22.
15:48 Dax Shepard? Oh, okay. But if you're here in LA as an actor, we could put you on a high school drama for sure. You could pull off, I'd say 10th grade and above.
15:57 Speaker 03 I'll take that.
15:58 Dax Shepard? But also, I'm 50,000 years old. So do your peers think you look young?
16:02 Speaker 03 I don't know. So I just graduated college and I'm in like my first corporate job. So I'm the youngest in the office. I'm kind of bottom of the totem pole right now.
16:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, you're not quite at the point where what we're saying is a compliment, even though it is.
16:17 Dax Shepard? Right.
16:18 Speaker 01 But I remember this and I'd be like, thanks.
16:21 Dax Shepard? Did people tell you you look young?
16:23 Speaker 01 Yes, people still say it.
16:24 Dax Shepard? Oh, what? I don't know this about you.
16:28 Speaker 01 So young. You don't know that?
16:30 Dax Shepard? That when you were 17, people didn't think you were 17? No, I don't know that part.
16:34 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah. I would get Carter when I was like 28.
16:37 Dax Shepard? That might be because you're short.
16:38 Speaker 01 I think it's because I look young. Thank you.
16:40 Speaker 03 See, I get older sometimes because I'm kind of taller. So maybe that's it.
16:44 Speaker 01 Ah, but we can't tell.
16:46 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you're seated. And where are you at?
16:49 Speaker 03 I am in my closet, but I'm currently in Columbus, Ohio. I'm from Sandusky, Ohio. I wanted to tell you that, Dax.
16:55 Dax Shepard? Cedar Point, baby. You have a season pass? You go all the time?
16:59 Speaker 03 We did when I was younger, but not so much anymore. We're all moved out of the house.
17:03 Dax Shepard? Okay, so you have a sleepwalking story?
17:05 Speaker 03 I do. So before we lived in Sandusky, we lived in another suburb of Cleveland. So that's where the story takes place. It happens when I was in the fourth grade, so about 2010, 2011, I joined my cross-country team for the school. I didn't think I was that into it until this night happened. My family has kind of a history of sleep shenanigans, like the sleepwalking, sleep talking, terrors, stuff like that, especially me and my younger brother.
17:34 Dax Shepard? Really quick, I love that you call it sleep shenanigans, and I regret that that wasn't our prompt. Tell us about some sleep shenanigans.
17:41 Speaker 03 A lot goes on. So you kind of have to understand the shape of the house for the story. It's like an L. So my bedroom was down at the bottom of the L, and then the kitchen was up at the top with a big old island that my parents had installed. And so my parents had put us all to bed. I have three other siblings, so they're relaxing. The night's over, they're watching TV. And the living room is kind of connected to this hallway. Your back is to the hallway as you're sitting in the living room. And all of a sudden, they're sitting there. It's like 11:00 midnight, and they're hearing this sun boom, boom, boom, boom, boom down the hallway. They're like, what's going on? That must be the dog. They start to look around. No, the dog's sitting at the bottom of the couch with them.
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18:55 Speaker 04 Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it, or if you or someone in your family had majorary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes, if you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be, or taking birth control pills, and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems. Once daily Foundo is available by prescription only
19:37 Speaker 04 in 0.8 milligram, 2.5 milligram, 5.5 milligram, 9 milligram, 14.5 milligram, and 17.2 milligram tablets. Learn more at foundo.lily.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.
19:52 Dax Shepard? We get support from Instagram teen accounts. So, we talk a lot on this show about how the world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?
20:09 Speaker 01 Which is a fair question.
20:10 Dax Shepard? Yeah, so Instagram has got something called teen accounts, and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So, anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age-appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them. And time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10:00 PM to 7:00 AM.
20:36 Speaker 01 Sleep mode is genius.
20:37 Dax Shepard? Right, and here's the thing. For anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on, and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age-appropriate experiences for teens.
20:53 Speaker 01 I am really glad Instagram's helping to give parents peace of mind with teen accounts.
20:57 Dax Shepard? Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.
21:05 Dax Shepard? We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace. And I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective. Running can be freeing and cathartic and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere, whether that's in your office, living room, or even the attic. Plus, they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving. Let yourself run.
21:49 Dax Shepard? Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.
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22:16 Speaker 03 They go to check it out and there I am, 10-year-old me hauling ass down the hallway in my sleep, eyes wide open, just going. I'm whipped down the hallway like a racetrack and start doing laps around the kitchen island. Oh, wow.
22:36 Dax Shepard? Training.
22:36 Speaker 03 Apparently, which I'm like, I must have missed my calling. Yeah. This is nuts. They don't know what to do. I've sleepwalked before, like a whole bunch. So this was kind of routine, but also not.
22:47 Dax Shepard? The athletics, you didn't generally.
22:49 Speaker 03 This was something new. So when I had sleepwalked, they would shake me, yell at me like, Abby, wake up, time to go to bed. But I think they were so bamboozled, they didn't know what to do. And then at one point, I ran into my older sister's room and flicked on the light switch, stood there for a second. And then just left, leaving them in the dark, well, in the light, panicking like, what's happening? And run back down the L the other way. My parents are kind of like, they don't put this in the parenting handbook. Nobody tells you what to do. So they're trying to come up with a game plan. And all of a sudden, they hear this loud, "flack", from the other end of the hallway, which they can't see because of the bend.
23:31 Speaker 03 And my dad seems to think that I hit my head on one of the door handles or something. Because this was a couple of minutes now of me just going back and forth, backing down the hallway, doing laps. I must have been getting like my mile pace or something.
23:44 Dax Shepard? I mean, maybe chased by a wolf or something in your sleep.
23:48 Speaker 03 So I called them to kind of get the details on this, to figure out the rest of the story. Because I don't remember all of it. And they always said, whenever I would sleepwalk or this, I would have like just a look of terror on my face.
23:58 Dax Shepard? Yeah, this is one of our daughters who does it. She's not in a good space.
24:01 Speaker 03 The next day, I wake up in like the recliner of the living room, blanket over me. My dad's like interrogating me, "Do you know what you were doing last night at breakfast? Like, are you okay?" Looking back, I'm like, man, I wish I still did that. Like getting my cardio in, in the night, I don't even remember it.
24:20 Dax Shepard? That would be the dream hack is, yeah, in your sleep, you go and you lift weights for like 60 minutes. Wake up, swole.
24:27 Speaker 03 Yeah, that'd be nice.
24:29 Dax Shepard? What did you hit, do you know?
24:31 Speaker 03 We're all still thinking the door handle because they had these double doors that led into a closet. And the handles were kind of like long and sticking out and stuff. And they think I hit my head, which, I mean, that would kind of explain a lot now.
24:45 Speaker 03 But I'm surprised hitting didn't wake you up. Me too. I must have been in it.
24:50 Dax Shepard? Our daughter who does it, you cannot wake her up. I mean, she doesn't even do it anymore, but when it was happening, you couldn't wake her up.
24:55 Speaker 03 Yeah, I don't remember a lot of them waking me up. I think them like yelling my name and being like, "Abby, Abby", would often just pull me out enough for them to like, put me back to bed. I'm concerned for my future kids because if I was in my parents' position, I would be like, they're getting clocked. I'm not asking questions. That's freaky.
25:18 Dax Shepard? You'd have to consider putting the lock on the outside of the door.
25:22 Speaker 01 But fire, that's so scary.
25:24 Dax Shepard? And I'll leave the window unlocked.
25:26 Speaker 01 Well, then.
25:27 Dax Shepard? They'll run in the yard.
25:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's intense. That is not something I would want to be dealing with as a parent.
25:32 Dax Shepard? Kids sprinting.
25:33 Speaker 01 If they're not waking up. Also, what if they like grab a knife or something?
25:36 Dax Shepard? Well, you throw a huge bucket of water in her face as she runs by.
25:39 Speaker 01 I would try it, yes.
25:42 Dax Shepard? And Abby, did that pass?
25:43 Speaker 03 The sleepwalking has passed. Two weeks ago, my fiance and I, we were sleeping and he told me in the middle of the night, I sat up, asked if he had farted and then just laid back to.
25:53 Dax Shepard? Ah, had he? He probably had.
25:56 Speaker 01 He probably had. He was trying to blame it on you, like you did something weird, but really.
26:00 Dax Shepard? No, you woke yourself up with your own fart, Abby. Now go back to sleep.
26:05 Speaker 03 Exactly. And then a little bit ago as well, he said I started spitting on him like a llama.
26:12 Speaker 01 Oh.
26:13 Speaker 03 That's strange.
26:14 Dax Shepard? Sure.
26:16 Speaker 03 So the sleep shenanigans haven't exactly stopped, but I haven't sleep ran again.
26:21 Dax Shepard? Okay.
26:21 Speaker 01 Knocking on wood.
26:22 Dax Shepard? That's good. Knocking on wood. We claim progress, not perfection.
26:25 Speaker 01 Well, in this case, we want perfection.
26:27 Dax Shepard? Yeah, but we're gonna try to have to be happy with progress, I guess. Well, Abby, it's delightful to meet you.
26:33 Speaker 03 You guys too.
26:34 Dax Shepard? Take care. Have a great summer.
26:35 Speaker 03 You too. Bye.
26:36 Dax Shepard? Bye.
26:38 Speaker 01 I have sleep shenanigans.
26:39 Dax Shepard? Oh, tell me.
26:40 Speaker 01 As you know.
26:40 Dax Shepard? Other than your sleep.
26:42 Speaker 01 Sleep seizures, nocturnal seizures. Also, remember when I called that person a dumb bitch?
26:48 Dax Shepard? Oh, when you were with Callie?
26:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, in my sleep. Who knows what I'm doing at night? Cause I'm alone.
26:53 Dax Shepard? We gotta get a camera in there, motion activated camera, so you can review what you do in the night.
26:57 Speaker 06 They apparently have a device my friend was just telling us about that records you in the middle of the night when you start talking. Cause him and his wife have been yelling at each other in their sleep.
27:07 Speaker 01 Oh, interesting.
27:09 Dax Shepard? That's a bad idea though, because you'd have to hear this argument you were in and it might actually make you angry even though you weren't. You know, I had a ton of sleep shenanigans. You've already heard about that. I woke up one night in the middle of the night with Carrie screaming.
27:21 Speaker 01 Oh, right.
27:21 Dax Shepard? Put me down, put me down. I was just holding her up in the air. Another time, I didn't wake up for this, but I just woke up and I rotated her 180 degrees. So she was laying the opposite way. And then I woke up another time as a kid and my entire family was in my bedroom and I was standing in my bed banging on the walls as hard as I could. I go to my brother's room a lot. I peed in a trash can in my mom's room one night. Yeah, I was busy. Shenanigans.
27:43 Speaker 01 Shenanigans. I also swam once in my dream. I did.
27:48 Dax Shepard? This is just about like dreams now?
27:50 Speaker 01 No, I was moving. I was in bed with my mom and then in the morning she was like, you were moving from one side of the bed to the other and back and forward. And I was like, I was having a dream about swimming.
28:01 Dax Shepard? And that was before you were afraid of swimming? Or maybe you were working out that fear?
28:05 Speaker 01 That's when I knew how to swim. I've since lost the ability.
28:10 Dax Shepard? Hello, is this Ally?
28:12 Speaker 07 This is.
28:13 Dax Shepard? And where in the country are you?
28:15 Speaker 07 I'm in Salt Lake City. I'm in Utah.
28:16 Dax Shepard? Back to back Salt Lake.
28:19 Speaker 01 We've had a few double ups today.
28:21 Dax Shepard? It's really weird. These patterns just emerged. Like 4th of July had two Michiganders from the same place. And it's like, that's right, we fuck up 4th of July a lot, Michiganders. And then we're learning Salt Lake City's sleepwalk.
28:32 Speaker 01 Or it's just Sim. Wait till you hear an upcoming episode about the Sim. You'll be convinced.
28:38 Speaker 07 I can't wait. I was telling Steph, it's the Sim now because it was just my birthday and she just gave me the Cookie Boy shirt for my birthday.
28:45 Speaker 01 Oh my God, it's so cute. I love it.
28:49 Speaker 07 And then she told me as soon as the sleepwalking prompt came out, she was like, it's out, you gotta submit. And I was like, this is Sim? It's all happening at the same time.
28:57 Dax Shepard? That's usually when it rains, it pours with the Sim. I don't know if you noticed the subtle death stare that Monica gave me when she said, listen to the Sim episode. I pushed back a little bit and that's what the death stare was.
29:09 Speaker 01 And he's wrong. Sim is real.
29:11 Speaker 07 I didn't pick up on it, but I'll keep my eye out for it, for sure.
29:14 Dax Shepard? I want to print a book of Monica's looks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They could even be shirts. I should draw a picture of your face and it should say, cut this or wrap this up.
29:24 Speaker 07 I'd preorder that in a heartbeat.
29:27 Dax Shepard? Okay, so you have a sleepwalking story?
29:29 Speaker 07 I do. So this happened when I was about 21 and I was living at home with my parents. So it was about 16 years ago. And a little bit of backstory. I was diagnosed with a chronic pain issue when I was around 13 or 14.
29:45 Dax Shepard? Endometriosis?
29:46 Speaker 07 No, I actually have this chronic nerve condition called CRPS, Complex Regional Pain Syndrome.
29:53 Dax Shepard? Oh, it's nerve pain?
29:55 Speaker 07 Yeah, your nerves overreact to normal sensations. Putting on a sock is painful, wearing shoes is painful.
30:03 Dax Shepard? Oh, is there any upside to that condition? Forgive my perversion.
30:07 Speaker 07 The fact that it brings me to you, that's probably the upside.
30:11 Dax Shepard? I would want more upside than that for you. Okay, so there's just no upside and there's pain. And then how do they treat nerve pain?
30:17 Speaker 07 So I've done a ton of different types of treatments. I've had nerve blocks, oral pain medication. I had this really weird thing where they use capsaicin to like burn my feet physically to hope that it resets the nerve responses. And then I've had all sorts of devices implanted in me. So I've had a pump with cone snail venom in it. Oh, my god. Really crazy stuff. I've done it all.
30:44 Dax Shepard? And does it concentrate in a certain area of your body?
30:47 Speaker 07 Yeah, so it's in both my feet from the ankle down. I have genetic bunion, so it was the result of a bunionectomy that I had both feet done at the same time when I was in ninth grade. And when they pulled the pins out, it triggered it immediately. Oh, my god. And my pain was always really horrible at night. I would have to really be heavily medicated at night. So around this time, I was taking morphine and Ambien to sleep, quite the combo, the two of them. I would have a lot of like hallucinations.
31:22 Dax Shepard? They also didn't know at that time that Ambien is twice as powerful in women than it is men. So all women were over prescribed their Ambien?
31:28 Speaker 07 Exactly. And I was taking a really high dose and high dose of morphine. So I was living the dream.
31:34 Dax Shepard? I never thought I'd be jealous of nerve pain, but that sounds like a nice way to go to sleep.
31:40 Speaker 07 Exactly. When it worked, it worked. So I would show up sometimes like at the side of my parents' bed in the middle of the night, staring at them. One time my sister came home from working at the bar, one in the morning, and I was just sitting on the toilet staring straight ahead. Very creepy. Yes.
31:55 Dax Shepard? Zombie like.
31:56 Speaker 07 Yeah, and I don't really have a ton of recollection of it. It would be a lot of them telling me about it. And the thing that really happened around that time that I was like, oh yeah, this is probably the biggest red flag was it was around Valentine's Day. My parents had given me a two pound box of chocolates.
32:12 Dax Shepard? Uh oh.
32:13 Speaker 07 And I went to bed one night and I woke up the next morning to like this crunchy sound around me. And I had eaten the whole two pound box of chocolates. There were just wrappers everywhere, but I didn't remember it at all.
32:26 Dax Shepard? Oh.
32:26 Speaker 07 Which I honestly, for years, have been thinking you guys need to do a prompt about what I did on Ambien because there are some wild stories out there.
32:35 Dax Shepard? We should do an Ambien prompt. Rob? I'll edit. Okay.
32:39 Speaker 07 So the other thing that's kind of important for this backstory is my sister was a volleyball player growing up and she and I always kind of had this friendly teasing banter about pubic hair because she was always very clean shaven, very little hair because she had to wear those spandex shorts and it always weirded me out. I was like very natural, full bush.
33:01 Speaker 01 Either way is good.
33:02 Dax Shepard? Both are great. I'd take either.
33:04 Speaker 07 I think I'm the more rare breed nowadays. I think no hair is the trendy thing to do.
33:09 Dax Shepard? I think it's coming back. We've talked about it. That's on the rise.
33:12 Speaker 01 I think it's almost an age thing. The older you get, the more you're like, who cares?
33:17 Speaker 07 I agree. And my mom's actually a nurse practitioner that does OB GYN. So she sees a lot. She was like, yeah, it just depends on the person and the age.
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34:12 Speaker 07 So one night I went to bed and I woke up the next morning to go to the bathroom and I go to lift up my nightgown and I look down and I have absolutely no pubic hair.
34:25 Dax Shepard? Freshly shorn.
34:26 Speaker 07 Everything is gone. There's not a single hair from labia to the crack. Like there's absolutely nothing.
34:34 Dax Shepard? Wow. You even got into the perineum?
34:36 Speaker 07 Yeah.
34:36 Dax Shepard? Yeah, okay.
34:37 Speaker 07 What? It looks like in the middle of the night, I had gone to a waxing studio and just had everything removed. It was a really good job. In the night, you're put a razor to your vagina? Well, that's the thing is I don't know. So then I'm sitting on the toilet and I immediately called for my sister, whose room is right there. And I was like, Cam? And she comes running out and I lift up my nightgown and she just falls to the floor laughing. She thinks it's the funniest thing she's ever seen. My parents come down because they hear the commotion and they're like, what's going on? So we explain slash show what happened to them and then start the hunt for where the pubic hair went. Yeah.
35:18 Dax Shepard? Sure, sure.
35:18 Speaker 07 And we looked in like the bathtub, we looked at the razor, we looked in the sink, we looked in the garbage, we looked everywhere, even have this little deck attached to our bedrooms. So we went outside and checked for that and there was absolutely no sign of it. There's no pubic hair to be found anywhere. So it's just been the missing pubic hair mystery where we have no idea.
35:41 Dax Shepard? You never found it?
35:42 Speaker 07 No.
35:43 Dax Shepard? You had to have done it on the toilet and flushed the toilet.
35:46 Speaker 07 But it would have got, I mean, that is not an easy, that's not just like, di, di, di, and then it's done. Hair gets places? Yeah. And we have a natural bush. It's like, there's a lot. Right. And the surprise, you didn't find the razor? It was so strange. And the thing that's so funny now is it's like a cautionary tale for my mom's patients, anyone that comes in and takes Ambien gets to hear the story about how I misplaced all my pubic hair in the middle of the night. Maybe you did wax.
36:17 Dax Shepard? No, that would be even easier to find. I hope you did it in the driveway.
36:25 Speaker 07 Just in front of all the neighbors.
36:26 Dax Shepard? Like if you're coming home late at night and you're an adult, let's be clear, she's 22. You turn the corner and your lights illuminate, a woman squatting in her driveway.
36:34 Speaker 01 Did your mom or dad like ask the neighbors, hey, just wondering if you saw anything weird happen?
36:39 Dax Shepard? Hallie's missing her pubic hair.
36:40 Speaker 01 Oh, my God, is that what all this hair is in our house? What if you broke in somewhere and then did it there?
36:46 Dax Shepard? What if they put signs up on telephone poles all over the neighborhood, missing pubic hair? And then had either a picture or a drawing of the pubic.
36:54 Speaker 07 Where were you guys when this happened? I should have done all the above.
36:57 Speaker 01 God.
36:58 Dax Shepard? So many good ideas.
37:00 Speaker 01 I mean, it is so hard to shave your vagina and get all the hair and have no blood. I'm shocked.
37:08 Speaker 07 I have no recollection of what happened, so I felt a little violated.
37:13 Speaker 01 Yes.
37:13 Dax Shepard? You violated yourself.
37:15 Speaker 01 The biggest betrayals are what we do to ourselves.
37:17 Dax Shepard? That's what they say.
37:18 Speaker 07 Exactly. So, yeah, that's the unsolved mystery of our time.
37:22 Speaker 01 If we figure it out, will you please let us know?
37:25 Speaker 07 Absolutely. Or if I happen to go back on Ambien and morphine and repeating behavior, I'll reach out and let you know.
37:31 Dax Shepard? This is terribly personal and all, but how does one not get addicted to the morphine?
37:35 Speaker 07 We talked about this a lot with my doctor. If it's a genetic thing, I just never had the gene for the addiction. I hated taking it, even still to this day, I hate taking it. But now they have so much different kind of medication. Like ketamine has been the game changer for me, really.
37:52 Speaker 01 Right.
37:53 Speaker 07 In high school, I had pick lines of continuous ketamine infusions. I would unhook the line and go perform in the musical and then go backstage and my mom would flush the line and then I'd be really fucked up.
38:06 Dax Shepard? Well, we share that in common, a pick line. Not everyone's had a pick line.
38:10 Speaker 07 Yeah, they're not my favorite thing, but you know, they do work.
38:13 Dax Shepard? Yeah, if you have kids, they like flushing it and getting involved in playing nurse, I found. So that was the one upside.
38:19 Speaker 07 I did have a horrible incident where the tubing got caught on a doorknob.
38:25 Speaker 07 And I was home alone and that was really special.
38:28 Dax Shepard? Monica went swimming with me in the ocean with the pick line.
38:30 Speaker 07 Did you Saran wrap it?
38:32 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I just kept my arm out of the water the whole time.
38:35 Speaker 01 It wasn't a good idea.
38:36 Dax Shepard? It wasn't, but I'm not flying all the way to Hawaii and not getting in the ocean.
38:39 Speaker 01 I think you did wrap it.
38:42 Dax Shepard? I probably did some stuff.
38:43 Speaker 01 But it wasn't enough.
38:44 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I died.
38:46 Speaker 01 He passed.
38:47 Dax Shepard? I passed.
38:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, you gotta do what you gotta do. You gotta keep living.
38:49 Dax Shepard? Thankfully, we're in the sim and I woke up the next day after dying.
38:54 Speaker 01 Wow, what a story.
38:55 Dax Shepard? Yeah, Ally, that's great. It's a comedic twist to it.
38:58 Speaker 01 I love a mystery. Very Nancy Drew.
39:01 Speaker 07 It's a humdinger.
39:02 Dax Shepard? I think it got flushed on the toilet. I'm gonna stand by that.
39:04 Speaker 01 It's not. You don't know what it's like.
39:06 Dax Shepard? Cause where the hell else is it?
39:07 Speaker 01 You don't know what it's like, Dax.
39:08 Speaker 07 Unless there's like a bird's nest somewhere.
39:11 Dax Shepard? Beautiful little hummingbird.
39:12 Speaker 01 Oh, cashmere sweater.
39:13 Dax Shepard? Soft bush. You could have contributed. I would feel a little weird about that. Maybe I would start a different cashmere.
39:20 Speaker 01 Is that where you draw the line?
39:21 Dax Shepard? I do. I don't wanna intermix Delta's leg hair and an adult's vaginal hair.
39:25 Speaker 01 Okay.
39:27 Dax Shepard? Well, Ally, thank you for that. That was delightful.
39:30 Speaker 07 It really is such a pleasure to get to meet you guys.
39:32 Dax Shepard? Take care.
39:35 Dax Shepard? Captain speaking.
39:37 Speaker 01 Who are you being?
39:38 Dax Shepard? I was being a captain of an airplane. Zach, can you hear us?
39:41 Speaker 09 I can. Can you guys hear me?
39:43 Dax Shepard? Yeah, do you wanna hear me be a captain of an airplane?
39:45 Speaker 09 Sure.
39:46 Dax Shepard? Okay, you ready? We are currently at our cruising altitude of 30,000 feet. If you look out the starboard side of the aircraft, you can get a little peek of the Grand Canyon, just the southern border. I'll be back in about five minutes to disrupt your movie.
39:59 Speaker 01 It was pretty good.
40:01 Dax Shepard? I mean, it's on the fly.
40:02 Speaker 09 Usually I can't hear the pilots quite as good as that.
40:05 Dax Shepard? It's one of my many stupid grievances I'm almost embarrassed to have. I have many grievances where I know I'm a piece of shit for having them, but I don't ever need the pilot to talk to me. Like, I'm never wondering what altitude we're at or what's out the window. I wanna watch my thing and that's it.
40:22 Speaker 09 I'm actually about to get on a plane in about three hours.
40:25 Speaker 01 Oh.
40:26 Dax Shepard? Oh, okay. Well, maybe you'll get a chatty one and you'll go, he was right. You have a decadent mustache.
40:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, very nice.
40:34 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it's so full and dark. How long have you been wearing a stash?
40:38 Speaker 09 Probably about two years. I've transitioned from the full beard to the mustache.
40:42 Dax Shepard? And what's been the effect of it? Are you attracting a different type of customer?
40:46 Speaker 09 Being a gay man, it's almost part of our uniform these days.
40:49 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
40:50 Speaker 01 Is it? This is so interesting. Jess has a mustache now, but I didn't realize it was like a thing. I thought he was just going through a midlife crisis.
41:00 Dax Shepard? Oh.
41:01 Speaker 01 His is very specific and it's red. I also think midlife crisis is cool. Why not? Like, do whatever you want. This is good information for me.
41:08 Speaker 09 That attracts the gays. So it's quite popular.
41:10 Dax Shepard? I bet a lot are coming your way.
41:12 Speaker 09 Well, I'm happily married. Maybe you'll meet him at the end of this, but I've attracted a good one.
41:16 Dax Shepard? Okay, that's a fun prize coming at the end of this. Where are you at, Zach?
41:20 Speaker 09 I'm in Quebec, Canada, in Montreal right now. I'm at my sister's house on route to the airport.
41:25 Dax Shepard? I'm embarrassed I haven't been to Montreal because I hear nothing but glowing, wonderful reviews. Everyone says it's a very sexy city and it's very European.
41:34 Speaker 09 There's a lot of history, but also a lot of culture. I mean, the Quebec culture is a bit unique even within Canada and some amazing food. I would say it's probably the culinary capital of Canada. So if you like food, it's the place to come.
41:46 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I gotta go up there for the F1 race and eat my way through the city. Okay, so you have a sleepwalking story?
41:52 Speaker 09 I do. So my story takes place early 90s, probably around 1993. I don't remember exactly what year because I was relatively young. My parents were heading out for an early Christmas party at my aunt's house, probably about 20 minutes away from our house. And they left my 13 year old sister and her best friend in charge babysitting my middle sister, who was 11 and myself, probably about nine at the time. She was in charge and as soon as my parents left, she ordered us some pizza and she put on some terrible rom com movie that I wasn't super interested in at that age. But there were some vanilla sex scenes that piqued my interest as a nine year old boy. But I eventually passed out on the couch. When the movie was over and it was time to go to bed, my sister woke me up and dragged me upstairs to bed.
42:34 Speaker 09 And I went easily to sleep. And then probably about two hours later, I would say around midnight, my sister and her best friend, they were downstairs in the basement in her room, chit chatting in bed. And I just showed up in her doorway. I was white as a ghost, drenched in sweat and hysterically crying.
42:50 Dax Shepard? Oh, God.
42:51 Speaker 09 And saying that there was a man in my middle sister's bedroom upstairs.
42:55 Dax Shepard? Oh, my God.
42:56 Speaker 09 At first they were like, he's playing some sort of a childish prank. But given how hysterical I was and my physical state, they immediately moved themselves into panic mode and started crying.
43:07 Dax Shepard? Okay, yeah, that's a lot for a 13 year old babysitter.
43:10 Speaker 09 Yeah, exactly. Not what she signed up for. So she picked up her 1990s portable phone that she had in her room and called my aunt's house and tried to. Get out that there was some sort of an intruder in the house and in my sister's room. She was hyperventilating and having trouble to speak, but eventually it came out. My mom, who was on the other line, tried to stay calm and reassure her that everything's gonna be okay. But she asked us, can you go to the stairs that led up from the basement to see if you can hear anything upstairs? So we crept up the stairs to our kitchen. We couldn't hear anything. We were too scared to go try and actually save my middle sister at the time, probably the smart thing. Yeah, we don't need four kids trapped.
43:48 Speaker 01 I know, but this is very force majeure.
43:51 Speaker 09 It is. My eldest sister sent me to grab a butcher knife out of the block that was sitting on the kitchen counter. Cause you know, we have to have some sort of a weapon to defend ourselves. At the same time, my dad and uncle, who were at this party, immediately jumped in the car and started making their way over. Probably not really in any sort of state to drive. The police weren't called. At this point, there was not multiple, there were no cell phones or anything. So my mom was on the line with us and they figured they could probably get there quicker than cops could. Cause it was not even fifteen minutes away. This is a pretty small town. I'd say maybe thirty five thousand people. So they take off down the main drag of our town and blow through every red light. And eventually, unfortunately, attract the attention of police and get pulled over. Oh boy. They didn't want to start some sort of police chase at that point, so they pull over and tell the police what's happening.
44:36 Speaker 09 And they take it very seriously. So they turn the sirens on, take of the address and make their way to our house. My dad didn't know, but they obviously called for reinforcement on route. We're still sitting in the kitchen and all of a sudden we hear footsteps coming down the hallway towards our kitchen. And we have no idea if this is the man that is coming. And my middle sister turns the corner and sees us in complete hysterics. So she assumes something has gone wrong. And you're holding a butcher knife? Exactly. So she just breaks out in tears, throws herself into my sister's arms. We assume she's crying because she's been attacked.
45:10 Speaker 01 Oh.
45:12 Speaker 09 Eventually, my eldest sister, the one in charge, finally asked my sister, are you okay? Where is the man? And that's when my middle sister's face turns from panic to confusion because she's like, what man? And what are you talking about? I'm fine. What is happening? And it's at that point that we realized there was never a man in the house.
45:32 Dax Shepard? Oh, no.
45:33 Speaker 09 I had obviously imagined the whole situation, but at that same time, the police and my dad show up at the house and we're not talking just one police cruiser. So they probably sent every police resource of our little town to the house, including police with pretty heavy duty equipment ready for some sort of a standoff. I mean, they were told that there was a man assaulting a young child in a bedroom.
45:55 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
45:56 Speaker 09 So they come in, we're still pretty upset at this point because it's all very much happening as they entered the house. So they move us into the living room and do a full sweep of the house. So they want to make sure there's no actual intruder. So they proceed to ask us some questions. It's become very clear at this point that I had had a bad dream. I had sleptwalked down to my sister's bedroom, obviously started some sort of complete emergency, convinced everyone that there was an intruder in the house and basically had the SWAT team arrive at the house. Once it was clear that the intruder was not ever there, the police were not very happy with the situation. They never told that to me at the time because I was pretty mortified as a child that all of this had happened.
46:39 Dax Shepard? This would scar me for life. If I fucked up like this, I would punish myself like you can't imagine.
46:44 Speaker 01 I'd be like, I mean, I can't say for sure there wasn't.
46:47 Dax Shepard? Oh, I'd be like, I'm an idiot. All these people came.
46:50 Speaker 09 By the time I came out of my sleep induced state, my sister and her friend were already in full panic mode. So I was fully convinced that there was a man. That bridge between my sleep induced state and reality was a very fine line. We were all convinced that it was happening. So it was indeed a very chaotic situation, but by the time the police left, they did slap my uncle with a very hefty ticket for having blown all of the red lights. They weren't very sympathetic about that.
47:16 Dax Shepard? They shouldn't have done that. They didn't need to get retribution.
47:20 Speaker 01 It's not very Canadian.
47:21 Dax Shepard? You fucked up his party. They already paid a price. They were having a good time and then they were panicked and had to race through town. They didn't come out as winners in this either.
47:30 Speaker 09 I'm surprised my uncle didn't make my dad pay for the ticket or take it out of my allowance. Needless to say, I wasn't allowed to watch any movies that had any kind of adult content for a few years after that, given that perhaps that is what had set off the bad dream that led to this whole situation. But years later, obviously, we laughed about the situation.
47:49 Dax Shepard? Have you been plagued with crazy night terror stuff since, or that was a one off?
47:54 Speaker 09 As a young child, like I would say probably all the way up to puberty, like I sleptwalk quite frequently. And then once I became a teenager, it all stopped.
48:02 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
48:03 Speaker 01 So interesting.
48:03 Dax Shepard? It's very weird. I can't imagine we understand a ton about this. Be kind of a hard thing to study.
48:09 Speaker 01 You have to catch them in the middle of one. They already have to be hooked up. And if they're hooked up, it's hard to walk.
48:15 Dax Shepard? Yeah. And then there's a little guy sleeping in a lab, presumably.
48:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
48:20 Dax Shepard? Praying that he has one.
48:21 Speaker 01 God, that is so funny. I can also imagine you were sleepwalking and then you came to, it's like chaos.
48:28 Speaker 09 I completely bought into it. Same for my middle sister. When she turned the corner into the kitchen, she assumed that there was an actual situation happening within the house.
48:38 Dax Shepard? So stupid.
48:39 Speaker 01 It is so stupid.
48:41 Dax Shepard? Poor little kids panicking.
48:43 Speaker 01 If I am the friend, I'm force majeuring. I'm bolting out of that house and getting out.
48:50 Dax Shepard? Well, even Sam Harris, he's had security experts on and you are supposed to leave, even if it's your kids or everything. Cause you've now changed the dynamic in a way that the intruder did not expect. And now presumably you're going to get help. So now there's a time clock. So it's counterintuitive, but you are supposed to leave. I would never, but you're supposed to.
49:06 Speaker 01 I know.
49:07 Dax Shepard? Let's meet this fucking hunk. What's his name?
49:09 Speaker 09 His name's Sean, and I also have my two best friends who were traveling to Italy together. And they're actually the ones that introduced me to Armchair Expert a couple of years ago. They're obsessed.
49:21 Speaker 01 Oh.
49:21 Dax Shepard? Wonderful. Where are you going in Italy?
49:23 Speaker 09 We're going to Tuscany. We rented a villa and we're just gonna hang out there and do some day trips and enjoy some food and wine.
49:30 Dax Shepard? Oh, pasta. Oof, oof, oof. Okay, let's see this rowdy group.
49:36 Speaker 01 Wow.
49:37 Speaker 09 This has been Sean and my best friend Chad and my best friend Mino, who introduced me to you guys.
49:42 Speaker 01 Hi, everyone.
49:44 Dax Shepard? We're so jealous you're going to Tuscany. I went three summers ago and it was just, you feel like you're in a fucking movie. Oh, it's impossibly beautiful.
49:52 Speaker 10 It's so nice to meet you. Thank you so much for this opportunity. We're so excited. We've been waiting by the door.
49:57 Dax Shepard? You should have run in and said there was an intruder. Well, you guys have the greatest trip to Italy. So jealous.
50:04 Speaker 09 Thank you so much.
50:04 Speaker 01 Have a great day.
50:06 Dax Shepard? Yeah, nice meeting all of you. Have fun. When's the last time you were in Italy?
50:10 Speaker 01 A long time.
50:11 Dax Shepard? I think I read an article that said Italians are done with tourism. They're like sick of it.
50:16 Speaker 01 They wish. I'm going.
50:17 Dax Shepard? Okay, well, maybe you could, you could talk like this and then say your Italiano.
50:23 Speaker 01 I'm gonna wear a big American flag.
50:25 Dax Shepard? Oh, that's not gonna go well.
50:27 Speaker 01 I'm gonna own it.
50:30 Dax Shepard? All right.
50:31 Speaker 01 All right, love you.
50:32 Dax Shepard? Love you.
50:34 Speaker 11 Do you want to sing a tune or something? We have a theme song.
50:37 Dax Shepard? Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. I'm the fire rhyme dish. I'm the fire rhyme dish. Enjoy.
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