Mo Amer

Mo Amer (Mo, The Vagabond, Black Adam) is an award-winning comedian and actor. Mo joins the Armchair Expert to discuss feeling anxiety only when there’s something unsettled at home, embracing the responsibility of being a comic that’s also made a personally and culturally meaningful thing, and the best part of his new show being that he gets to introduce different layers to his story. Mo and Dax talk about his brilliant telecommunications engineer father relocating their family from Palestine to Kuwait, living through the Iraqi invasion that catalyzed the Gulf War, and creating a supportive Sandlot brotherhood that still exists to this day. Mo explains how his teacher encouraging him to do Shakespearean standup rocketed his entry into comedy, performing some of the greatest sets of his life returning to Iraqi war zones, and the emotional rediscovery of long-lost home movies of his family and childhood. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ http://www.wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dax Shepard and I'm joined by Monica Padman.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 0:05Dax Shepard?

  Today, we have Mo Amer on.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:08Dax Shepard?

  I'm a big fan of Mo.

• 0:09Speaker 01

  Mo is great.

• 0:10Dax Shepard?

  Mo is a stand-up comedian and an award-winning writer. I first saw him on Rami, which is another show I love.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Friend of the pod.

• 0:19Dax Shepard?

  Where he plays Mo in that, but not our Mo in Mo.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  Mo plays Mo in that, but then in his show, he's a different Mo.

• 0:28Dax Shepard?

  He's a different Mo, but very similar. Also, Black Adam and two stand-up specials on Netflix, Mo Amer, The Vagabond, and Mo Amer, Mohammed in Texas. And he's on tour right now with El Oso Palestino Tour, which is the Palestinian Bear.

• 0:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:48Dax Shepard?

  That's what that translates to.

• 0:50Speaker 01

  This was so interesting.

• 0:51Dax Shepard?

  Another incredible story.

• 0:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:53Dax Shepard?

  We're just coming off a John story, and then now we have this.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  We're getting some epic tales in this garage.

• 0:59Dax Shepard?

  We are. Also, very Ki Ki Kwan.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was thinking a lot about Ki during this episode.

• 1:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we're accumulating some wild. You can really take some circuitous paths to this town of Hollywood.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:10Dax Shepard?

  Please enjoy Mo Amer. We get support from Quince.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  Okay, can we talk about the fact that the holidays are already here? It's crazy. I feel like I blinked and now we're in gifting season, which I'm not really mad about because I do love giving gifts. And Quince is making it so easy to find something great for everyone on my list, including myself, because let's be honest, self-gifting is a love language.

• 1:35Dax Shepard?

  Quince is seriously the gift that keeps on giving. Their high-quality staples are made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, 14-karat gold, and Italian leather. Full-on luxury quality at prices that won't wreck your holiday budget.

• 1:51Speaker 01

  It's the dream. The cashmere sweater, starting at $60, down jackets, wool outerwear, cashmere accessories. You and everyone on your list are staying cozy and looking incredible all season long.

• 2:02Dax Shepard?

  Well, I'm gonna tell you this. It just got chilly for the first time this year in California, and I'm so excited. And I'm wearing my Quince cashmere right now.

• 2:09Speaker 01

  It's great.

• 2:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and I am going to gift this to some of my friends. I hope they're not listening.

• 2:14Speaker 01

  Quince is also more than clothing. They've got fine jewelry for your significant other, leather bags for your bestie, hotel-quality bedding to set up your guest rooms, chef-grade cookware. That's an amazing thing they offer here, and it's such a good gift because people don't like buying cookware for themselves, but it's very important. And they also have five-star luggage, another good gift that people don't like buying for themselves.

• 2:36Dax Shepard?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. We get support from Gusto. So here's the thing about running a small business that nobody romanticizes. It's not the big idea that wears you down, it's the payroll, the tax filings, the wait, do I need workers' comp for this stuff? That's the part that quietly eats away your whole afternoon, which is where Gusto comes in. Gusto is online payroll and benefits software built for small businesses.

• 3:21Dax Shepard?

  It's all-in-one, remote-friendly, and incredibly easy to use so you can pay onboard and support your team from anywhere. They handle automatic tax filing, direct deposits, health benefits, 401K, all of it. And you get unlimited payroll runs for one monthly price. No hidden fees, no surprises. If something tricky comes up, you've got direct access to certified HR experts who actually know what they're talking about. And they're ranked number one on G2's Highest Satisfaction Products List for 2026, entrusted by over 500,000 small businesses. That's not nothing. Try Gusto today at gusto.com/dax and get three months free when you run your first payroll.

• 4:02Dax Shepard?

  That's three months of free payroll at gusto.com/dax. Again, that's gusto.com/dax.

• 4:28Dax Shepard?

  Do you get anxiety before you go out on a talk show that you're gonna have to pee once you get out there?

• 4:33Speaker 02

  Peeing is not the anxiety, no.

• 4:35Dax Shepard?

  It's not?

• 4:36Speaker 01

  That's last on the list.

• 4:37Dax Shepard?

  What is it?

• 4:37Speaker 02

  I just watched you and Seth, actually, I have something in common with Seth. Edibles fuck me up, like, I'm terrified of that. I don't really get anxiety. I get anxiety only if something is not settled at home, you know, if something is off.

• 4:50Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh, you'll carry that.

• 4:51Speaker 02

  I'm a very sensitive person. I can feel my family's energy. If something's wrong, I'll know it's wrong.

• 4:56Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  I don't know how to describe it, it's like the antenna.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Spidey sense.

• 5:00Speaker 02

  That's the only time.

• 5:01Dax Shepard?

  No compulsive rumination thoughts. Like, I can acknowledge the pee one is insane. I'll be in the dressing room at Kimmel and I'm waiting to hear the knock. I stand in front of the toilet. And then when I hear the knock, I go, one second, and then I do my last pee. Cause I'm so nervous that in 12 minutes.

• 5:19Speaker 01

  Do you think you're at risk of ever peeing in your pants?

• 5:22Dax Shepard?

  No, although if ever there was a place to try it, it would be on Kimmel.

• 5:26Speaker 01

  That's true.

• 5:27Speaker 02

  Right, Kimmel's the one to do it, yeah, for sure.

• 5:28Dax Shepard?

  It's a safe place to pee your suit.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  It's so easy to talk to. It feels so calming. I'm doing Kimmel tomorrow, actually, I don't know if you knew that or just saying it.

• 5:35Dax Shepard?

  I'm doing it Thursday.

• 5:36Speaker 02

  Oh, that's funny, it's awesome.

• 5:37Dax Shepard?

  Let's do it on the same.

• 5:38Speaker 02

  Let's do it.

• 5:39Dax Shepard?

  I'll go to yours, you come to mine.

• 5:41Speaker 02

  That's perfect.

• 5:41Speaker 01

  Why don't you guys tell the exact same story, we'll plan it?

• 5:46Dax Shepard?

  It's gonna be great for him, cause he's first.

• 5:49Speaker 02

  Just see you on the show as an Arab growing up in America. It'd be so great.

• 5:54Dax Shepard?

  That's kinda what they do on Weekend Update. Do you ever watch the stuff with Shay and?

• 5:58Speaker 02

  Fuck Shay, man. No, I'm just kidding, that's my brother, that's my brother. It's gonna be downhill from here, guys.

• 6:03Dax Shepard?

  But him and Colin.

• 6:04Speaker 02

  No, these are my guys, they're my friends.

• 6:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, where they write jokes for each other that they're not allowed to tell.

• 6:08Speaker 01

  And they have to read out loud, yeah.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  On Christmas, I think, whatever the last show is, they do that.

• 6:12Speaker 01

  That's fun.

• 6:13Speaker 02

  It's diabolical.

• 6:14Dax Shepard?

  It is.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  I know, it's scary.

• 6:16Dax Shepard?

  And much higher risk for Colin.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  I would say.

• 6:18Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 6:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, definitely, especially cause Shay was really trying to get him into trouble. He's genuinely trying to put him in the worst possible pickle.

• 6:26Dax Shepard?

  But in a weird way, I'm like, they're geniuses, they've hacked the math of this. And really, we are dying to see this white guy make a terrible joke, cause we know the risk is career ending. And they figured out how to do it.

• 6:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, they have, no, it's perfect.

• 6:42Speaker 01

  But there's no blame.

• 6:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the whole thing's a weird.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  The black guy ruined it!

• 6:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly, exactly.

• 6:47Speaker 02

  I didn't come up with this. I didn't mean to say the end word he told me to say it. He made me say it. I have to do it. It's written. I read everything that's on the monitor. To not do it. I agree. You know, what gives me not anxiety, but the thing that causes me to go down like a thought price, especially since this is specifically about the show and there's so much to discuss within the series itself.

• 7:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  It's like, what clip do you show? What exactly do you talk about? And I'm a stand up as well. It's like, I just want to do jokes. I just want to be a guy on a couch. But I'm in this extraordinary position where I'm the only Palestinian on television with his own show created by a Palestinian star and directed by, but it's like, what are you gonna do? Fix spotlight. What are you gonna say? Everybody's like, come on, buddy.

• 7:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 7:25Speaker 02

  We all want to hear.

• 7:26Dax Shepard?

  Work this out for us.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 7:28Dax Shepard?

  Tell us what to do.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  I really just want to be a comedian. That'd be really great to do that. But I understand that there's an immense responsibility that comes with my position. And you can't just be a clown all the time.

• 7:39Dax Shepard?

  I have said this a bunch in the past, which is for the young black dude who's from a shit situation and makes it out and becomes successful. It wasn't bad enough that he had to go through all of that and be extra special to get here. But now he's also burdened with the responsibility of representing the black community and speaking out on all issues. And I just have always felt like if you want to be political, great. But just to have to inherit that on top of everything else, it seems like a weird reward.

• 8:07Speaker 02

  No, I agree.

• 8:08Dax Shepard?

  And I would be resentful a bit if I were in a position where it's like, no, no, I want to tell jokes and have fun and I'm entitled to do that as much as anyone else is. So does it feel like a burden at all?

• 8:19Speaker 02

  It definitely doesn't feel like a burden. It's funny that book says the burden and the glory. Oh my God. Exactly right.

• 8:26Dax Shepard?

  That says it all.

• 8:28Speaker 02

  It's the sign. I really do feel stand up itself as an art form, since that's how I started out. Technically, I did theater in high school and I was doing stand up at the same time. And once I started educating myself of what stand up comedy is and the history of stand up. Historically speaking, the greatest stand up comedians have always made you laugh and made you think. Yes. Of course, there's like the danger field, who's just silly and amazing one liners. And that's incredible. One of the funniest guys ever, really. But if you look at it. Everybody's top five is someone who really made you think.

• 9:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, who's your top five? See how much overlap we've got. Can we agree on Pryor just number one?

• 9:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure. Uh, it's close. I don't like to put them in any particular order.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's fair.

• 9:11Speaker 02

  Because they each have a fascinating skill set that the other one can't do. Like Pryor and Carlin. Carlin has a particular skill set. He's ahead of the game in the most incredible way where everything he says today is relevant, but he has a certain structure. He has to write every single thing down. And you have Pryor, which is really freewheeling, which is my style, really. I write everything on the fly. I have to do it in front of the audience. I can't sit down and just write it out. I'm inspired by the audience. I need that. So I appreciate those skill sets. So I really don't like to put them in a particular order. But these are the comedians I truly admire and love so much.

• 9:45Dax Shepard?

  A good analogy would kind of be like you're asking, who's your favorite athlete? As opposed to who's your favorite basketball player, your favorite hockey player? Pryor's doing something different than Jerry Seinfeld, than Cosby was sitting down and doing this.

• 9:57Speaker 01

  Chappelle, do you like Chappelle?

• 9:58Speaker 02

  Of course, yeah, we've done thousands of shows together. Pryor, Carlin, Bill Hicks, to me is up there. Unfortunately died so young, but he was on that trajectory of being truly ahead of his time and magnificent in his own way. Chappelle is on my top five just because I've seen him personally, thousands of shows together. It's like seeing inside of how a Rolex works, like how the mechanism all flows. It's just really fascinating to see that. And I feel like we're very similar in ways. A lot of things overlap between us and I'm just grateful to have one of the greatest of all time and to be able to see him. And he's my brother. He's my mentor, but also like family. So he's up there, of course. I don't think there's a debate there. Then the fifth is really hard. It's like Eddie Murphy, but he stopped.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  He got so famous. Once you stop doing stand up and want to come back to it, it's almost impossible.

• 10:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's very impressive that Seinfeld was able to come back and do a real show.

• 10:53Speaker 02

  But he never really stopped doing stand up. He always would show up and his show was stand up. Murphy became a

• 10:59Speaker 01

  Movie star.

• 11:00Speaker 02

  Rock and roll, man.

• 11:01Dax Shepard?

  A lot of young people wouldn't even know he was a stand up at any point.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. But those are the albums I used to listen to. But when I first Started stand up, I was only been in the country like five years. So I didn't really know anything about the history of stand up. I would be at open mics and be like, oh, you sound like Kennison. I'm like, who the fuck's Kennison? They're like, who the fuck's Kennison? You live in Houston. People thought I was full of shit because I didn't have an accent. To them, they feel like, oh, if you're an immigrant, you should have some kind of accent. The fact that you don't is baffling, so we don't really believe it.

• 11:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 11:29Speaker 02

  Like I would tell my friends when they first found out, because you don't talk about it. You just walk around like, hey, I don't have a citizenship yet.

• 11:35Dax Shepard?

  You're trying to fit in, not stand out more.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it never really comes up. You just want to ball in the neighborhood, have a good time. You're not really thinking about it. It's not like we're gonna go travel to Europe together. Yeah. They know the family, but you're too young, you're too naive. You're thinking about too many other things, tend to share your immigration status. It just didn't really come up at that time.

• 11:52Dax Shepard?

  Now, this is linked to the obligation to talk about being Palestinian in this moment. But also, do you get sick of having to tell your story? Because your show, which we're gonna talk a lot about, is your story. So you inevitably do have to share it. Again, back to the, I just want to be funny. I don't want to have to tell this fucking story again.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  There's some fatigue for sure, but it's mostly not coming from sharing the story. Cause I am introducing different eras of it. And there is so many layers that are baked into each experience, whether it's the Gulf War, growing up in America. There's really fun ways and interesting ways to explore that as a storyteller. I am really intrigued by that and I want to dive into it and capture all the subtleties and bring them out. That is the best part of writing the TV show and creating a show. That is really emotional at times. I can't explain to you how many moments in the series while I was filming, especially season two, where I would have to go off and just weep and then come back and then start over and then direct, okay, guys, so what we're gonna do is, you know?

• 12:54Dax Shepard?

  Process.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  Co-star was like, how the fuck are you doing? I saw what happened. I saw it.

• 12:58Dax Shepard?

  You were in the corner crying.

• 12:59Speaker 02

  Shut your mouth!

• 13:00Dax Shepard?

  You weren't getting anything from craft service. You were whimpering to yourself in front of it.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  That's fun. I really do enjoy that, whether it's super emotional or a just straight up comedic scene that we're shooting and you're just feeding lines to Hamid, which is one of my favorite characters in the whole season. The thing that I have happening to me right now, especially on tour. Is all the people sharing their experiences with me.

• 13:20Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 13:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, you have to hold a lot. And that's a massive thing. That's the most difficult part. Man, I have people coming up to me talking about they lost 200 family members. I held a kid yesterday. He's three years old. He's from Gaza. He's getting treatment here. He's lost his mother. She was 23. And I'm like holding him and I'm like. Yeah. You know, just thinking about him. I just had a son. He's 17 months. I can't even imagine it.

• 13:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 13:45Speaker 02

  That's the stuff that's really, really, really heavy. And that's where the responsibility comes. But literally, there's nobody else speaking about it from an actual Palestinian perspective.

• 13:54Dax Shepard?

  Right. I hear a lot of young, white liberal kids telling me about it.

• 13:57Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, it's good. People should engage in this conversation. That's the only way to truly have any kind of progress is engage in these talks. But no one is coming from my background talking about it. At least no one has the voice that I do or the platform that I do. So just to engage in that, and it's also a massive test for me as a comedian. Cause I could always go up and just give me a topic, dissect this, have a blast with it, make it funny. No problem. But to toe that line is dangerous.

• 14:25Dax Shepard?

  Well, that's what Chappelle's so masterful at. And yeah, I need his perspective on black experience. The insight that he has repeatedly given me is just incredibly valuable and so authentic. And from the inside that I always appreciate that.

• 14:42Speaker 02

  Can't agree with you more.

• 14:43Dax Shepard?

  To start, you were born in Kuwait.

• 14:45Speaker 02

  I was, yep.

• 14:46Dax Shepard?

  I got food poisoning in the Kuwait first class lounge.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 14:50Dax Shepard?

  And then had food poisoning for 28 hours of flight back.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, that's not funny.

• 14:54Dax Shepard?

  No, it's really funny. Can you think of a worse scenario than food poisoning setting on as they close the door for your 14 hour flight?

• 15:01Speaker 02

  That's horrible. I had a similar situation. It did not last 28 hours. That is misery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a similar situation from Sweden to Frankfurt, catching my connection flight in Frankfurt. Before I boarded the flight, I bought, I thought it was just a regular sparkling water. So I take a drink of it. I was like, oh my God, this tastes god awful. It's pear, fucking pear sparkling water. I'm like.

• 15:24Speaker 02

  Damn you Swedish people. Like who drinks Tarsa sparkling water? And whatever formula it takes to make the pear taste that flavor.

• 15:34Dax Shepard?

  That perfume.

• 15:35Speaker 02

  Just created the worst possible bubbling sickness. The storm system happened, forming, hurricane was forming. All the blood was leaving my head and it going right to try to rescue my gut. I either needed to pass gas or take a poo. I wasn't sure about what was gonna happen.

• 15:54Speaker 01

  And that's a risky thing to do.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  I feel faint, yeah, you can't sit there on the plane.

• 15:58Dax Shepard?

  Sweaty brow ridge?

• 15:59Speaker 02

  Sweaty brow ridge. A full blown waterfall situation from every area possible. The back of the dome, the front of the dome.

• 16:08Dax Shepard?

  You now look like someone that's smuggling stuff on an airplane.

• 16:12Speaker 02

  I shoved cocaine up my ass and now it's backfiring. That's what it looks like. I finally hear the ding to get up. I was like, I gotta go to the restroom. We gotta figure this out. I felt really faint and right before I grabbed the door, I just go down. Perfect, right?

• 16:27Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 16:28Dax Shepard?

  You collapsed.

• 16:29Speaker 02

  I just fainted and I wake up to three of the hottest Swedish, German.

• 16:34Dax Shepard?

  It's like a beer commercial.

• 16:35Speaker 02

  They're like, are you okay? What's happening? Have you been partying y'all? What's going on?

• 16:40Dax Shepard?

  Were you at the beer garden and had so much fun? You want to have some more fun?

• 16:44Speaker 02

  I was like, no, I wasn't. Leave me alone. Are you diabetic? I was like, no, I'm not diabetic. Thank God I'm not diabetic. Stop making me panic even more. Just leave me air. It was horrible. I just needed to pass gas. That's all I needed. Just pass gas and it was all gone.

• 16:59Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 17:00Dax Shepard?

  My first thought upon waking up and seeing Swedish ski team would be, are my pants full? Cause we don't know what happened. We don't know what happened while I was out.

• 17:10Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, true.

• 17:11Dax Shepard?

  And these are very beautiful women and I might have a full cargo.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, we had an armchair on tell a story about that where he pooped in the lane.

• 17:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 17:20Speaker 01

  In the aisle. And all these beautiful flight attendants were there and there's poop on them now.

• 17:27Dax Shepard?

  Oh no, are you serious?

• 17:28Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 17:29Dax Shepard?

  You just have to tell yourself in those situations.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  That's horrible.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  I know.

• 17:33Speaker 02

  I might jump off the fucking plane. Just hear the pilot, yeah, he just jumped out of the back of the fucking plane.

• 17:39Dax Shepard?

  He's got three rain slickers tied together, hopefully that'll.

• 17:42Speaker 02

  I'm such a shy person, I don't even like taking off my shirt in front of people. Not like I can't do it, I do it. I got the pool and stuff, but I can't imagine a scenario where I shit my pants on a plane as everybody and they're all looking at you.

• 17:53Dax Shepard?

  We'll just say ideally if that happens, you want to wake up and see three ugly old men.

• 17:58Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 17:59Dax Shepard?

  You're like, yeah, guys, I shit myself.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  You know what it's like, hey, boys? Yeah. I'm disgusting like you guys. Smoking a cigarette with shit on his fingertips, like you don't care. Yeah, I remember, it was 62, damn, was worse. I shit myself an hour ago. Welcome. Yeah.

• 18:14Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so dad is a telecoms engineer.

• 18:16Speaker 02

  Great segue.

• 18:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we're going back to Kuwait.

• 18:19Speaker 01

  It was sharp.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  Let's bring up your deceased father after all.

• 18:23Dax Shepard?

  You lost your mother in 1999.

• 18:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're not gonna whiff for that one.

• 18:28Dax Shepard?

  Straight into that.

• 18:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, my father was a telecommunications engineer.

• 18:31Dax Shepard?

  And was Kuwait the first stop when they left Palestine?

• 18:34Speaker 02

  When my mom and dad married, prior to that, my father got his telecommunications engineer in England. The first job offer was actually in Doha, in Qatar in the 60s. So he lived there for like a year, but that's the reason why they left. It was a job, just like if you're in Houston and you get a job in Kansas, or if you're in LA, you get a gig, you gotta go film in Toronto, same thing. So he was in Doha, and then he got a job in Kuwait. And that was where my family settled, and we're all born there. He worked for the Kuwaiti oil company, he built one of the first radio stations in Kuwait. He was instrumental in creating wireless communication at that time between oil rigs. He was a really brilliant dude, truly ahead of his time. My mom would always tell me like, oh, he had a cellphone in the 60s, that big thing that you put on your shoulder and it's a massive box.

• 19:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, microwave hanging up.

• 19:18Speaker 02

  He was that guy, he always had to have the top tech whenever it comes out.

• 19:22Dax Shepard?

  You guys left when you were nine, but how long had they been there?

• 19:25Speaker 02

  Oh, since the sixties, twenty-five, maybe thirty years there. And they would go back and forth to West Bank where my family lives and grandparents are. And did they come to love it when you guys did leave? Did mom miss it? It was more than just loving Kuwait. It was more the normalcy of the life that we had there. As a great life, my uncle and my cousins lived three houses down. All my aunts, everybody settled in Kuwait and we had a lot of family there. My grandparents and some of my aunts, of course, a lot of the extended family was still in the West Bank. But we had this real unification where we would see each other every weekend. There's a barbecue every weekend. All my uncles are talking smack and playing all these different games. And whoever loses has to buy the dessert. Was your dad gregarious and loud? Yeah.

• 20:10Speaker 02

  Are you more mom or dad, I guess? I'm a really solid mix of both. I have the exploratory like my dad had. He really wanted to figure out what was going on. He would really travel a lot and want to see the world. So curious in that way. And my mother was very funny, poetic. She still to this day writes poetry and that's her life. She wakes in the morning and she's inspired by something. She writes it sometimes it's super sad, but thoughtful and sweet. Sometimes it's funny. I feel like I have a great mix of both. But my dad was really outgoing. He was the first guy on the dance floor, get everybody going. And he was that guy for sure. I have a ton of memories of four nine. Do you remember living there? Everything. But we also come from the Sham region, which is basically Santa Barbara. It's so gorgeous. The weather is stunning.

• 20:53Speaker 02

  There's not really any desertous regions unless you go super south or you hit the Jordan Valley. That's where it becomes that way. There's better ones there, of course. There's tons of sheep herders. We do come from a farming culture originally.

• 21:05Speaker 01

  Santa Barbara seems to be the place. When my parents first came to visit here, we went to Santa Barbara on a day trip and they were like, this reminds me of India. I was like, what? And then we've had a few other people from other places say like, Santa Barbara is kind of like this person.

• 21:19Speaker 02

  It's a comfort carola, as it turns out.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Turns out.

• 21:23Speaker 02

  It's not really suited for that kind of living, to be honest. You don't go to explore the desert there, but surely in Kuwait, we did that. I mean, I used to ride the bikes as kids. We'd set up mounds and we'd just dive off of them. You just bounce off. For that shit and just keep going. Just ruthless, hop on the back of dirt bikes and fall off going forty miles an hour. But you're eight, you're just like rubber band, doesn't even matter.

• 21:44Dax Shepard?

  You went to a British speaking school.

• 21:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:47Dax Shepard?

  What kind of classmates did you have?

• 21:50Speaker 02

  People from all over the world, a bunch of expats lived in the neighborhood we resided in. Since my father worked for the Quaidi oil company, this is a compound situation. That neighborhood, north and south, is where we lived in Ahmed. Had so many families, super, super diverse. You're talking about British, Pakistani, Swiss, everybody lived in that neighborhood.

• 22:08Dax Shepard?

  And most of the people in that neighborhood working for the oil company.

• 22:12Speaker 02

  Exactly. Everybody had a different job within the company itself. Like Aramco Oil Company, you go overseas, that's the biggest oil company in the world, number one. But it's like driving onto military base.

• 22:22Dax Shepard?

  Oh, right, right.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  Our neighborhood, at the end of it, there was like the hospitality palace. So anybody that visited, there would be presidents that would visit, they would put them up there.

• 22:30Dax Shepard?

  I would ride by on my bike if I was a kid and try to see who was staying in the palace.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  All the time.

• 22:34Dax Shepard?

  Would you, yeah.

• 22:34Speaker 02

  All the time.

• 22:35Dax Shepard?

  So curious, like, is Michael Jackson gonna come out?

• 22:38Speaker 02

  Oh, no, we're all over it. We'd see cars come in, we would immediately just pedal over there and talk to the security guy in the front.

• 22:46Dax Shepard?

  Try to figure out who this wealthy man is that's.

• 22:49Speaker 02

  He's like, trust me, you don't want to know.

• 22:50Dax Shepard?

  Michael Jackson?

• 22:51Speaker 02

  President of Malaysia.

• 22:54Dax Shepard?

  Salt of the brunette.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, Michael Jackson, we used to mimic him, he was the thing back then, for sure.

• 22:58Dax Shepard?

  God, yeah. So Gulf War breaks out in ninety one.

• 23:02Speaker 02

  August of ninety, the reason why I remember exactly the Iraqi invasion was then, and I remember it quite well because I was supposed to have my tonsils removed two days after they came in. So I was like, damn it. So now.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  Tonsillitis.

• 23:18Dax Shepard?

  Might have been a happy accident.

• 23:19Speaker 02

  No, it's not, brother, miserable. I have enormous tonsils.

• 23:23Dax Shepard?

  I bet they're gorgeous.

• 23:24Speaker 02

  They're massive. They are gorgeous. They are mountainous. You can ski off of those fucking things, for sure.

• 23:28Speaker 01

  You could probably get them out now.

• 23:30Speaker 02

  I am so scared.

• 23:31Dax Shepard?

  Adults are supposed to do it.

• 23:32Speaker 02

  It's like fifty fifty bleed or something crazy, like heavy bleeding.

• 23:35Dax Shepard?

  Was it someone on here?

• 23:36Speaker 02

  Six weeks to eight weeks recovery, no talking.

• 23:38Dax Shepard?

  They cauterize it, but you can't feel if it's bleeding down into your stomach.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  That's all I needed to hear to make it even worse.

• 23:45Speaker 01

  The kids more, why are they able to?

• 23:47Speaker 02

  I don't know if they're tinier or easier to conquer. I think it's not as mature enough. It's an in and out procedure for kids.

• 23:54Dax Shepard?

  But someone was just telling, an adult was really battling whether or not to do it. And they don't like to do it on adults because it's bleeding.

• 23:59Speaker 02

  I went to the top special of UCLA and they were like, mm, fifty fifty, they're gonna bleed. But you'll be fine. It's just gonna take a lot longer to heal. I was like, you know what? I'll just take antibiotics.

• 24:09Dax Shepard?

  Take my big ass tonsils out of here.

• 24:11Speaker 02

  I do a lot of voices too. Like, what if it affects how I do all these accents? What if I just end up talking like he sold his time now? My life is ruined because I sound terrible.

• 24:21Dax Shepard?

  So the invasions in August, the US enters, as I remember, because my birthday is January 2nd, and I got my license in 91 on the 2nd, and it was the only thing that played in the radio. I feel like it was maybe January 1st of 91, the US entered.

• 24:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, I had left before that. It was really, really intense because that was the first time I knew that we were stateless, number one. I just knew this happy life. I didn't know anything was wrong. I was like, well, we just go back to Palestine. And they're like, no, we can't necessarily do that either. It's not the best next step. Let's figure it out. Your parents, you see them and they're your pillars. They're always in control. There's nothing ever wrong. Seemingly know everything. And to see them so worried. And I remember this to this day, that call at 6 a.m. Those days, phone.

• 25:08Speaker 02

  I was like, who the hell's calling? I remember getting up. Al-Ma'ma picked up the phone. It was like Saddam has invaded Kuwait. Hangs up and now everyone is out to try to get as many resources for the house. Food, rice, water, whatever you can get to just store it. That's when everything changed. And they got to our house at 1 o'clock in the morning. I've slept through the whole breaking of the door, ransacking the home. They were threatening my mom, my dad, who's in this bedroom? Who's in this bedroom? They were pointing at my bedroom and they were threatening. They were gonna throw a grenade in the bedroom. Like, tell us, tell us, tell us. They were trying to figure out who works. At the Kuwait oil company, since the whole reason of their invasion to begin with is supposed siphoning of Iraqi oil.

• 25:50Dax Shepard?

  Was that their premise they were diagonally drilling in?

• 25:53Speaker 02

  That's what they were saying. I don't know. That's the bigger conversation to me now. As a grown ass man, I see what's everything going on, living in America. Now I know who's been putting all these people in power. Yeah. Let's talk about that. But that was the premise is that Kuwait was stealing from them and he's there to take it back. But then, since it's the Kuwait oil company, so our neighborhood was a hot one. And it was all about collecting people.

• 26:15Dax Shepard?

  Who could help manage and turn over the control of it.

• 26:19Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 26:19Dax Shepard?

  Your dad's like, I just do telephones.

• 26:21Speaker 02

  Well, that's the biggest fucking thing. Communication. Yeah. That was probably on their top five list, transferring all communication to it all. So my dad had one choice, either do it or potentially your family is at risk, might take them all out. You're not gonna find out if they're bluffing or not. Yeah, exactly. You're just gonna say, yeah, it's me. What are you gonna do? So he was forced to go in and redirect, from what I've heard, some of it at that time. And he regrets it. Didn't feel good about any of it. Well, he had to protect himself and his family. He loved Kuwait and he loved the people of Kuwait. He loved everything there. And he was just saddened to see it all happen that way. But he was also just protecting our family. Soldiers would show up early in the morning at our house and all throughout the whole street.

• 27:02Speaker 02

  It was pretty regular, but I felt like our house was a spot and play soccer with these guys. Have me like, hold the machine. I was like, I don't hold the machine.

• 27:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:10Speaker 02

  It was that weird, different life. Just, everything changed.

• 27:13Dax Shepard?

  Right. And trying to evaluate, are these guys mean and evil?

• 27:17Speaker 02

  They weren't.

• 27:17Dax Shepard?

  Right. But when they first show up with the guns.

• 27:19Speaker 02

  They had moments though. I remember this guy, he had a thick stash, huge. But I was really fast as a kid and I played tons of soccer. So I was killing these older guys. He just socks me real hard. And I remember being laid out on the ground and I look up and I see him. And this is how he felt. He was laughing. He goes, ah, ah, ah, ah. And I was like.

• 27:37Dax Shepard?

  Like a Bond villain.

• 27:39Speaker 02

  Yeah. It felt evil. I know he's not. He was just fucking with me, but I can't forget his face. If a sketch artist was sitting here, I could draw him. You never forget that. But yeah, that was a wild experience that I slept through that first initial invasion. They took over the whole neighborhood. My mom. My dad are both in a really terrible position. My dad particularly and a bunch of other employees or ex employees. Some people were able to get out before they came in. Really, really difficult situation, especially with us kids. And there's other kids who are studying overseas. What about them?

• 28:05Speaker 01

  Do you have siblings?

• 28:06Speaker 02

  The money is gone. Yeah, I'm the sixth of six.

• 28:08Speaker 01

  Six, okay.

• 28:08Speaker 02

  So all the money is gone overnight. Saddam said, oh, the Kuwaiti dinar is equivalent to the Iraqi dinar. Well, Kuwaiti dinar was like four times. Absolutely insane. So how did dad get you guys all out? Then the show, I had to tweak it. But in real life, what happened is my mom and myself and my sister out. My brother stayed with my dad. We got on the bus. My mom strategically hid the money in the suitcase in a really insanely savvy way. I never saw the side of my mother. You think your mom is a superhero at this point. Like, how are you coming up with this? Like grabbing the razor, cutting down the zipper, putting equal amounts of money inside. It's incredible sewing it together. I just remember it to this day and going through Iraq, basically war zone,

• 28:49Speaker 02

  through another war zone to Amman, Jordan, to my mom sending my sister and I to Houston by ourselves. How old was your sister? She was 18. So nine and 18. You're so scared, I'm assuming. I'm miserable. I don't want to leave. I don't give a shit about the guns. Like, it didn't bother me at all. I was very fearless. I did not care. I would go out still on my own, scope it out, what's happening in the neighborhood. I was just kind of crazy that way, but I love my friends and I wanted to see them. And I didn't necessarily allow that invasion to like change that for me. And I knew they weren't going to hurt me, like they're not going to hurt kids. They were very gentle with children, actually. But I didn't want to leave my mother and thought I could be really helpful. Right. It wasn't like, I don't want to leave you, my friends. No, it was more like, hey, I'm a helping hand. This sucks. I have to go. How are you going to do this on your own?

• 29:34Speaker 02

  And that was the thing that really ripped me apart more than anything. Who did she send you to? My brother. He was studying in Houston. Is this the brother that became a doctor? Yes, he's a PhD in biochemistry. Super brilliant, amazing human. And then she by herself goes back to Kuwait. And that's where all the real hell started. Because there was all this posturing between America and Iraq. And say Saddam is saying, go back. No, we're not going to go back. This is ours. Oh, yeah. Then the oil fields went on fire and now. It's a completely different world, literally noon looks like midnight. Then of course the Iraqis started to retreat. It was a big heist. They were clearing out Mercedes dealerships, the Iraqis were overnight. He released a bunch of prisoners just to create chaos.

• 30:18Speaker 02

  That was his strategy of war, I guess. Then there was a massive situation that happened with my mom and my dad. My dad in particular, the Kuwaitis started to regain power as they should. It's their country. They started forming these different militias. They came into our house. This is my story from my mom. They knock on the door. They ask if there's a car for sale because we're liquidating everything. And she goes, I don't know if it's for sale. Let me ask my husband. She asks him and as he comes out, they put a hood over him, kidnap him. He's gone. She doesn't know where he is. Nothing. Then the American soldiers come in. So you had the Iraqis come in, burst down the door. You had the Kuwaitis come burst in the door. And then you had the US soldiers come burst in the back door. My brother is nerd virgin, has his own issues. It's chaos.

• 31:03Speaker 02

  She's trying to get medicine for him. She doesn't know where my dad is, who's diabetic and has his own set of issues. It's a whole fucking movie. So my dad was able to call my mom. They were like holding all these people, trying to see who's the actual traitor. Who's not the traitor? Who's stuck for us? Who didn't? They're trying to regain their power. I honestly don't hold anything against the Kuwaiti. I totally get why they're doing it. Unfortunately, my dad was an impossible situation. Somebody has to vouch for you. You can't just leave. They gotta know it wasn't an inside job for sure. And I genuinely don't hold anything against them. I really love them. The Kuwaitis are some of the gentle, sweetest people. But in this situation, it was awful. She doesn't know where my dad is. So they had like all these makeshift prisons and office buildings and stuff. They were holding people and torture them to a certain degree to get stuff out of them.

• 31:46Speaker 02

  And what did they have issues with at the jail? Communication. They couldn't get fucking calls out. They couldn't get a dial tone. So my dad goes, I can fix it. Yeah, yeah. He fixed it for him. While he's fixing it, they're not in a room. He calls my mom. Listen, you gotta find the prime minister. He's a friend of mine. He loves me. He's the head guy in Kuwait. You gotta talk to him. He's the only one that can free me. Just get to him and let's get the hell out of here. And my mom was like, what about the? Money, we have to get your money, you're owed this, this is your money you worked 25 years for. You gotta get it back. And my dad's like, fuck the money. Just get me out of this hellhole. And my mom goes, the gangster that she is, I'm gonna find this guy. And I'm gonna get your money. She's driving, soot is in the air. It's just disgusting.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  All these oil rigs on fire has caused chaos throughout the roads and the environment and breathing, everything. So now she's just on a journey trying to find him. This is three weeks. Oh, wow. She says, there's one time the militia at this checkpoint, they told her, how do we know this car is not stolen? Because people are just stealing so much. He goes, I need to see the title for this car. She goes, I don't know where the titles for the car. Well, you need to find it. You can't get through here. She goes back to the house. She swore to God. She said, I don't know how it happened. But I couldn't see anything. It was pitch black. I just reach into a pile of papers and it's the title of the car. Most incredible thing. She goes in after weeks of weeks trying to trace this guy down. She finds some jail. She hears that he's there, this prime minister. She's talking to the outside security. She's crying to him, saying, my husband's been wrongly imprisoned.

• 33:14Speaker 02

  He goes, if you don't stop crying, I'm gonna put you in jail with him. Like kind of threatening her. She goes, listen, I need to talk to the prime minister. He knows my husband. He gets scared. He's like, what? Oh, yeah, he's here. So my mom walks into this building. She can hear guys not having the best time. Let's just say that. Yeah. She's walking down this flickery hallway. She goes and makes it right into the guy's office. She looks around the office. It's pristine. It's gorgeous. The direct opposite of the building she just walked through. But then she looks at all the technology in the room. She recognizes it immediately. She goes, this is all my husband's stuff. And he says, who are you? She tells him who she is, tells him who her husband is. He freaks out. He's like, where's most of, I love him. Where is he at? He's not a traitor. He's a great man. How many letters you need? I'll sign them all. Sign a letter for her.

• 33:59Speaker 02

  She went back. She picked him up at the airport. They meet at the airport with my brother. My dad comes in. He's 50 days now, full beard. And they go, where's your two other kids? And she goes, oh, they already left. And they go, how do we know they're not here and they're hiding? We imprisoned his father. He's innocent. What if they want revenge or something? He's like, we don't want revenge. We forgive you. Forget it. He's over there. He's like, no, now you gotta show proof. So she has to go by another two days of that. Then she collects my dad. They go to Amman. My mom, my brother come like nine months later. Wow.

• 34:33Dax Shepard?

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare. This episode is brought to you by McDonald's. The Quarter Pounder with Cheese with Medium Fries and a Drink is now $8.

• 34:49Speaker 01

  What?

• 34:50Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I need to talk about something that doesn't get enough respect. The Quarter Pounder with Cheese. This is not a casual burger. This is a crafted burger. We're talking 100% fresh beef cooked right when you order it. No artificial flavors, no fillers, no preservatives, just beef doing what beef is supposed to do. And here's a detail I love. There's a cowbell sound in the kitchen. When somebody orders a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a cowbell goes off and the grill master throws a fresh patty down. That's like having your own entrance music at McDonald's. I want a cowbell for everything in life. The onions are hand topped by someone who just knows the right amount. Two slices of cheese laid out in a star pattern, so every single bite gets cheese. And two pickles side by side, so you're never in a pickle desert. Every bite is accounted for.

• 35:36Dax Shepard?

  Someone engineered this thing with love. I love a Quarter Pounder.

• 35:40Speaker 01

  Me too. That's my order. It's a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. I love it. I didn't know they put so much effort that they did a star formation. I should have known because you can taste it when there's effort.

• 35:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the love. Don't tell anyone this, but I'll put two of them back.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm not surprised.

• 35:58Dax Shepard?

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• 36:24Speaker 01

  That's when you really need to ground yourself.

• 36:26Dax Shepard?

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• 37:03Speaker 01

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• 37:08Dax Shepard?

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• 37:15Speaker 01

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• 37:25Dax Shepard?

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• 37:55Speaker 01

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• 38:13Dax Shepard?

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• 38:28Speaker 01

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• 38:38Dax Shepard?

  I mean, guys, I put these on the bed of my children. They are wrapping my little babies and I feel great about it.

• 38:44Speaker 01

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• 38:58Dax Shepard?

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• 39:43Dax Shepard?

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• 40:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've never told this story. It's crazy.

• 40:31Dax Shepard?

  Ninety-two, your dad called?

• 40:33Speaker 02

  About ninety-two. I got Houston two days before Halloween in nineteen ninety. And then Halloween happened and I've never seen Halloween before. Why is everybody dressed like demons? Where did my mom send me?

• 40:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  This is evil.

• 40:48Dax Shepard?

  You heard we were a godless country.

• 40:50Speaker 02

  You did. Did we deliver? It was so funny. It was so scary. Everyone in devil costumes. I've never even seen cleavage and like all the girls are naked. I'm like, whoa. It's just crazy. Asking for chocolate and candy. Yeah, exactly. You know, it's just wow.

• 41:09Dax Shepard?

  Trick or treat.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  And I had a British accent. I stuck out like a sword thumb. Nobody really researched the neighborhood we moved into. It wasn't like the greatest neighborhood right out the gate. My brother, he doesn't know. He's a young kid too. He's a super nerd. It was next to a stop and go and that's the only thing we had. I would go there. And this is when I knew America. I'm gonna go back to war.

• 41:29Dax Shepard?

  What'd your mom and dad do in the States?

• 41:32Speaker 02

  Once he came to the States, he's an entrepreneur. So he owned electronics stores actually in Kuwait as well, like a side gig. He was like the first Best Buy there, like Radio Shack basically before Radio Shack.

• 41:43Dax Shepard?

  So he opened up a place in Houston?

• 41:44Speaker 02

  He opened up a ninety-nine cents store, but then he started with his knowledge, realizing that it's a poor neighborhood. He was like, oh, I can bring telephones that they don't have access to for a really great price. So he brings them in and he starts showing them. It was a ninety-nine cents plus. That's how they get you is that plus.

• 42:03Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 42:03Speaker 02

  So he had a wide range of goods. He adjusted to American culture pretty quickly. Pretty quickly.

• 42:10Dax Shepard?

  He learned it quick.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  He wore a suit every day.

• 42:13Dax Shepard?

  He would call people from the living room and tell them he wanted a free cruise. He figured it all out.

• 42:16Speaker 02

  He wanted a free telephone. It's two hundred dollars. Congratulations.

• 42:22Speaker 02

  This is so funny, but he would sell these phones. Had a whole display of a wide variety of phones that did different things. Whether it was a football phone, whether it was one that you could push a hold button and it plays music of your choosing. And you're like, what? That was like the time. So he had all of it and we would sell like hotcakes. So I think that eventually he would have probably gotten back in the telecom and the way that cellphones are today. I mean, I always think about it. I had a discussion yesterday. I was like, I wonder, probably been very rich, actually. I think about it. Certainly. So he dies in 94? December 1995. So you're young. You're 14? I'm 14, yep. Why did he die so prematurely? I think it's the losing everything in your late 50s.

• 43:07Speaker 02

  I'd say it's like going from rags to essentially riches and going to rags again after spending your whole life. Trying to create a future for yourself and your family and your kids and having the ability to provide for them on a level that is going to be really difficult to do at this age. And he never really diversified his funds. He was so safe in Kuwait, never really thought something was gonna go down like this. And unfortunately, that's what happened. I think all my dad's friends and my uncles, they all died fairly young. The massive, massive stress of the war, carrying that burden, carrying that weight around really took its toll. And eventually chipped away at him, unfortunately.

• 43:48Speaker 02

  How scary does life get at 14 with him now out of the picture? Oh, it's terrible. Emotionally, you're gone. I was already checked out because my mom didn't come for like nine months. So I was really angry about being there without my mom. My sister is an absolute saint. God bless her. She only knew how to cook one dish. One of the things that my mom gave my sister was a recipe book that had all these different pieces of paper from different eras, from my grandmother, my great grandmother, from my great, great, great grandma. It went back almost 100 plus years. It's pretty intense, but these are all the recipes. These are gold. But she would only make one dish and I just. Come home. Seven days in a row, I was like, rice and lintel again. Where's my mom? I wanna go home.

• 44:31Speaker 02

  And meanwhile, cut to my mom, she's like driving through oil fields.

• 44:36Speaker 02

  You little ungrateful bitch. It was really difficult and I was always very independent and adventurous and I wanted to be out. Nobody could really control me and I didn't know what to do with my emotions. So I was fourteen year old kid in high school, was just skipping. I already knew I was gonna be a comedian.

• 44:51Dax Shepard?

  Did you make friends easily?

• 44:53Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 44:53Dax Shepard?

  So you landed on your feet, you were social.

• 44:56Speaker 02

  It was rough at first, the British English thing did not help. It was a Mexican situation pretty regularly, but then the British accent were like, you're not Mexican. But what the hell are you?

• 45:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 45:05Speaker 02

  Usually in my class, I was the first mom in there. I spoke British English and at times I did not know that British English, certain words were significantly different meaning than American English. I walked up to my fourth grade teacher, I was like, Mrs. Strand, can I have a rubber, please? I made a mess on my paper, you know, and she's like, what?

• 45:21Dax Shepard?

  You came on your paper?

• 45:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I came on your paper.

• 45:25Speaker 02

  You were wearing a purple hat. My friend Bruce was like, you fucking in fourth grade? What is fucking? You know, I had no idea. We had a cat, you don't say cat in British English, you say pussy. And I walked up to Bruce at recess, the most embarrassing. Oh, no. Possible spot, I was like, Bruce, guess what? And he was like, what, man? He was like, I have a pussy now, isn't it fantastic? And he was like, what? I had learned this quickly about black people, they can't hold it in, they have to tell everybody. They're like, come on, everybody gather around, everybody gather around.

• 45:52Dax Shepard?

  Fresh off the presses.

• 45:53Speaker 02

  Exactly. He got everybody around in front of the entire class at recess. He was like, watch this, he's like, Mo, do you have a pussy? And I was like, yeah, I have a pussy, isn't it lovely? It's small and fluffy, just kept going with it. Jose lost his mind, he was like, what, bro, you have a pinot noir for real, bro? That's his radio, bro? And he was like so confused.

• 46:13Dax Shepard?

  This playground sounds like a sitcom.

• 46:15Speaker 02

  And he paused and he goes, can I see it, bro? Like, I don't believe you. Yeah, I got punched a lot in the beginning, but I learned quickly.

• 46:23Dax Shepard?

  You had the right skill set, it sounds like, minimally, you weren't lonely, that's a blessing.

• 46:27Speaker 02

  When I threw a football, everything changed. It was like, whoa, this guy can throw the fuck out of a football.

• 46:34Dax Shepard?

  Kidding, you could.

• 46:35Speaker 02

  Very, I would play ball, play basketball. I was very honest too. Nobody knew that I could play that well. I wasn't always like overweight. I almost died in sixth grade. I hit my head on the bottom of a pool and that's when I gained all the weight. Cause I was in a neck brace like this the whole time.

• 46:50Speaker 02

  Terrifying. I don't know why I knew exactly what I had to do. I was spitting blood. Again, it was almost Halloween. So everybody thought I had like blood capsules and I was joking around at the pool. And I was like, no, guys, I think I'm about to die. I walked right past my mom, grabbed a towel, wrapped it around my neck. I was like, mom, you need to take me to the hospital.

• 47:08Speaker 01

  You're so lucky and weren't paralyzed.

• 47:10Speaker 02

  Was paralyzed or dead. I just think about it, not even for that. I think about like my mom.

• 47:14Dax Shepard?

  She didn't have enough on her plate. Okay, so what's happening financially though, when dad is out of the picture?

• 47:20Speaker 02

  You just have to fend for yourself. You have to figure it out. So my mom worked at a Mexican restaurant, which turned into Taco Cabana, which is very famous. He used to, everybody goes to Taco Cabana. It's like the fast food chain of Tex-Mex. Dinner was lots of Mexican food. But also you can negotiate for rides. Hey man, I'll throw in a quesadilla if you can just bring me here or take me there. I had two quesadillas. All right, now you're asking for a lot. We do two quesadillas in tacos, but I want four rides. We just negotiate. Honestly, it was really dark, but also some of my greatest years and my friends that I've made when I was 11 years old in that particular neighborhood. We're like the Sandlot. We made a pact. We're gonna raise our kids together. We're gonna go to college together. I always said I'm gonna be a comedian. You guys are gonna go to college. I'll visit you guys.

• 48:03Speaker 02

  And everything really panned out exactly how we all set out to be. And really, truly, that group of friends, that camaraderie, that brotherhood that we created in that beautiful neighborhood. Got me through everything, that support system.

• 48:14Dax Shepard?

  All the while, you guys applied for asylum. You don't have passports, right? You don't have a Kuwaiti passport?

• 48:22Speaker 02

  In the Middle East, it's all about your lineage. So when you go there, actually, when you enter, they say, es asla, what is your origin? And you say Palestinian. You need to get Palestinian ID cards. It's worthless. It's actually worse. My uncle always taught me, don't get the ID card. If you do, then you're not ever be able to fly into Tel Aviv when you get your US passport. You're always gonna be subjugated to the cages. You literally have to. Go through this apartheid system where you go through cages. He says, just don't do it.

• 48:48Dax Shepard?

  Okay. And even though you were born in Kuwait, you don't have any.

• 48:51Speaker 02

  That's not how it works. It's all based off of your origin, where your parents come from.

• 48:56Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  So my parents are both Palestinian, so you're Palestinian. You don't get Kuwaiti scissors because in Kuwait, it's all tribal. So if you're an original Kuwaiti from that area, the government takes care like you should.

• 49:06Dax Shepard?

  You get a stipend.

• 49:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, so the resources that your country is producing, you actually benefit from those resources. They can't do it for everyone, so it's like you have to be from that land and your right is your right. My right is in the West Bank and Palestine or in Haifa, that was now gone as Israel. So now we go to the West Bank and whatever is there, that's for you. But that's not for you here. So that's not how it works. It's where you're actually from, where your parents are from particularly.

• 49:29Dax Shepard?

  So I guess we get into some of the complexities of this, this immigration story you have because you're just waiting forever on the asylum list, however that process works. But in the meantime, you have no passport, you can't come and go. You're just in this kind of purgatory.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  Yes, exactly.

• 49:46Dax Shepard?

  For how long?

• 49:47Speaker 02

  Took me 20 years before I got my citizenship, but when I turned 18 is when I was able to get a social security card. I was in the system before, but I couldn't get the social.

• 49:56Dax Shepard?

  And you can't work until you have a social.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  You can't work, I must still worked. My mom would volunteer me down there, business owners. And I had jobs that I didn't want to do, but I did. Where I would sell like fake Rolex's or fake watches through my dad. Cause he would go to the wholesale district. Once he passed away, his friend gave me a job. And then I started learning about wholesale business, import, export. And I started seeing, let's see, I'm wearing this nice watch. I'm like, bro, that's crazy. He goes, ah, it's fake. I was like, oh, it looks amazing though. And so I was like, oh, I think I could hustle these in school and on the street here. All I have to do is wear it and then they're going to ask me where you got it. And I'm going to tell them it's for sale. So that was my shtick. I would just put on a Versace sunglasses and be working at the cashier or whatever. And probably like, oh man, those are dope. I'm like, oh, it's the last pair, bro. I'll sell them to you if you want. It's a hundred twenty five.

• 50:43Speaker 02

  They would leave and I'd take out another pair and put it on.

• 50:45Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure. Your second to last pair.

• 50:47Speaker 02

  And they would be so bad because at the end of the week, they're all wearing the same shit. And they would come in really mad and aggressive like, bro, you told me it was the last one. I was like, look, look, look, look, look. For real, though, this is one of one. This Movado watch is the only one I have. Oh, my god. There's no other design of this. I promise you, nobody else is gonna have this. And they'd be like, oh, man, that's cool. I was like, yeah, I would sell that one. Oh, my god. I was really good at it, to the point, my dad's friend put his own stand up. And I was like, why are you doing this? You're not gonna compete with me? This is crazy. He goes, bro, you're selling at my location. And that's where I learned about business, right? It was like, oh, I'm using your place of business. I owe you commission.

• 51:25Dax Shepard?

  You gotta kick up.

• 51:26Speaker 02

  I didn't know this. And he goes, it's a valuable lesson. Don't worry, you still sell, just give me the commission. I was like, okay.

• 51:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, well, we meet Mo on season one. He's selling shit out of his trunk. He's got like a full.

• 51:40Speaker 02

  It's a very condensed version. I really wanted to do more with it, but I think there's not enough space and it's so hard to figure out. In the first season, it was a whole thing with COVID and civil unrest and George Floyd. It was like a nightmare making season one. It was really, really tough. But season two, I had the whole vision for it. I knew exactly what I wanted to do at the time.

• 51:58Dax Shepard?

  To do the Reader's Digest version, you go to the rodeo and Bill Cosby's performing. You're young and you see that, you decide you wanna do that. You're a shit student. A teacher says to you, I'll let you stand up so long as you're making fun of the course material.

• 52:11Speaker 02

  Yeah. Ah.

• 52:12Dax Shepard?

  That's a lucky weird thing that happens.

• 52:14Speaker 02

  Mrs. Reed and Ms. Broderick, my English teachers, specifically Ms. Reed, she really was noticing that I was losing it. Cause I was a pretty good student before that. And I basically threw away my ninth grade year essentially at that point. And she was trying to salvage whatever she could out of me. She said, if you go up in front of the class, like at first she said, how would your father feel if you don't graduate? Which I was like, oh, that's a cold shot. Hit me in the hardest way. And then she was like, don't you wanna be a comedian? I was like, yes, look, I'll let you do stand up in class. If you could throw in some Shakespeare that we're working on now, you'll get extra credit, but you don't always have to do it. And I was like, great, can I do it now? I literally went in front of the class, read out of the book. I don't know this by heart, it's a monologue from Macbeth, you know, like I don't fucking know this. And so I did just a funny version, the British voice that I used to have.

• 52:59Speaker 02

  And kids were dying, I was like, I'm hooked. So I was like, Ms. Reed, can I come in tomorrow? I'll write a set tonight. And she was like, okay. Did it, killing, I was like. Oh my God. And then I would just do it every Friday and she took me into theater arts department. It was Ms. Kreiser, who I'm still closer to this day, my theater teacher from high school. She goes, listen, Skid's been coming to class. He's doing all this original material I've never heard before. He's doing all these accents. It's hilarious. She goes, I think he belongs here. Yeah. And I was like, maybe. The next year did theater, graduated with honors in theater, honorary thespian. Had a partial scholarship for the school film and television in New York. I passed on that. I didn't even tell a single soul. I don't want them to talk me into it. I didn't want to leave my mother or my brother. I wanted to be close and just build up my stand up chops and let that define my career. And then you enter at eighteen, the funniest Texan.

• 53:43Speaker 02

  He's the funniest person competition. They have this around the country in each city, but that was a big one. If you can get into that. That was my first time onstage at a comedy club. And I get there and I was so excited. And my buddy Nick, who drove me to the club, he was my guy. He still is. For two quesadillas. Yeah, for two quesadillas. That's right. He looks at me. He was trying to be corny. He's like, you ready, Mo? This is the first day of the rest of your life. But he was being serious also. And then I went up, caught the bug, made this wild card position. I realized when I signed up, I was like, oh shit, my material is for high school students. These are grown ass adults. Yeah. Need to fix this. So I rewrote something till three o'clock in the morning. I go up, I do it. And I get into the system that way and I find out what I need to do. I joined it the following year. I made the finals, didn't win the thing, but then I went off and just started doing stand up.

• 54:27Speaker 02

  By the time I was nineteen, twenty years old, I was already headlining shows and traveling overseas without a passport.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. How is that?

• 54:33Speaker 02

  You got a refugee travel document and it was a really painful process, very expensive, but that was the only way to go overseas. Cause you were doing a lot of stand up at bases, right? I did some bases. The first tour that I did was April of two thousand one. It was Italy, Germany and Sicily. It was a baby, obviously five months before nine eleven. Yeah. It was just a totally different experience. And then I went Japan, Korea and Guam, all those military bases. In February of two thousand two, it was polar opposite from when the first time. Now everything is heightened. But I wanted to do those shows and be myself because I was deathly afraid of being myself. I said, if I can go in front of the troops and be myself, talk shit, make them laugh, I could be myself in front of anybody.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  That's why they loved me. I went on many, many tours and my experience was actually that the soldiers themselves had interacted with someone like we many times. And they were excited to see me versus when I was touring in the South. Early on in my career, it was their first interaction with someone like me. It was that polar opposite. They're actually well traveled human beings and more knowledgeable than you think. And it's not as unsafe as I thought it was. I went back to Iraq. I did shows there, still with a refugee travel document in war zones. The very place that we left. And I'm doing shows on bases all throughout Iraq in the most desolate of locations where they could fucking kill me and throw me somewhere.

• 56:00Speaker 02

  No one's gonna care. I had some of the best sets and one of one experiences in a state in Saddam Hussein's palace. Which is converted into a hotel. And I just went there just to see it for myself and collect information and put this thing to rest. That's in my heart that was just lingering and I wanted to see my aunt that I haven't seen in 19 years. She was the only one that was still living in Kuwait at the time. So it was many different things. I had to sneak into the country, basically. I'm here for the US government and kind of just moving him in that direction. He was like, okay. And he just let me in. And then when I was leaving, I stayed three extra days to see my aunt and I wasn't supposed to.

• 56:33Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 56:33Speaker 02

  So the military wanted to walk me back to the airplane with the other comedian, Olivia Arrington. And I was like, we're fine. We're adults, bro. We're gonna go. And he's like, no, no, in military protocol, I gotta escort you all the way to the plane. I was like, God damn, how the hell am I gonna do this? And Olivia's like, maybe you go hide in the fucking bathroom. I was like, okay. And then he gets a call and he runs to the SUV. See him talking at this is what's going on. He comes back and like, sorry, guys. Bradley Cooper just landed from Afghanistan. I gotta go get him. We're like, all right, thank you, Bradley.

• 57:01Dax Shepard?

  You wanna hear something crazy? I was with him.

• 57:03Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 57:05Speaker 02

  Dude, that's fucking nuts.

• 57:06Dax Shepard?

  It was me, Bradley.

• 57:08Speaker 02

  Just got chilled.

• 57:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that was wild.

• 57:10Speaker 02

  Dude, I remember the fucking flyer. It's all hitting me right now.

• 57:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and we were in Kuwait and we went on a boat ride in Iraq. There was like Zodiac boats and they were fucking doing cool maneuvers and shit.

• 57:23Speaker 02

  Bro, I wanna like laugh and cry at the same time.

• 57:26Dax Shepard?

  Somehow I'm involved in your journey.

• 57:31Dax Shepard?

  I didn't see that coming.

• 57:32Speaker 02

  Bro, I didn't see it coming either.

• 57:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 57:34Speaker 02

  That's when I got the fucking food poisoning coming home from that.

• 57:39Dax Shepard?

  We had been in Afghanistan for eight days and I had been eating at the DFAC like microwave hamburgers. We get to the Kuwait first class lounge and I'm looking at all this fresh tabbouleh and delicious vegetables and I'm pounding it. And Cooper goes, bro, you're going very hard on this salad bar in Kuwait. And I'm like, it's good. It's a first class lounge.

• 57:58Speaker 02

  That's what gets you by the way, is the damn salad bar.

• 57:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's always salad, Listeria. You gotta be careful.

• 58:02Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 58:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:03Speaker 02

  Bro, I'm freaking out.

• 58:04Dax Shepard?

  That's fucking hilarious.

• 58:06Speaker 02

  I'm freaking out because I did tell Bradley that story. That's so wild. You were there. I remember the fucking poster.

• 58:13Speaker 01

  Was there anyone else or just you two?

• 58:15Dax Shepard?

  There's another person. It was Bradley and his cousin, me and Aaron Eckhart.

• 58:19Speaker 02

  Oh my god, dude.

• 58:21Dax Shepard?

  That's really wild.

• 58:22Speaker 01

  You literally crossed paths.

• 58:23Dax Shepard?

  They were literally all there at the same time then. Cause I was about to say, yeah, they didn't let us do shit. Anytime we tried to wander or stray or the first time I went, we landed in Qatar. The G I's took us to a nightclub and it was like, I'm gonna go on the dance floor. I had to get that cleared. There's too much. They don't want the drama of you getting kidnapped or some shit.

• 58:42Speaker 02

  It's not about getting kidnapped. It's you really making ass yourself, making them look bad because there's literal money at stake that they get every year.

• 58:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:48Speaker 02

  Last thing they want is that getting fucked up. Cause some guy bozoned out, you know?

• 58:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:53Speaker 02

  That's it. Like, thanks, Tom, but we're getting half a billion dollars over here and you want to have a good time. I fucked up this country.

• 58:59Dax Shepard?

  Monica's so sick of this story, but I still think it's very funny that I did this. I had heard on my first tour that Larry the Cable Guy was coming the next week. And you know, they make you sign all this shit when you're there. You're signing the Apaches, the Blackhawks, you're just signing everything.

• 59:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:14Dax Shepard?

  And everything I signed, which had been signed by all the previous people, I wrote on every single one, get her done, Dax Shepard. Cause I'm like, he's not gonna have the catchphrase. I'm gonna steal it. What does he write?

• 59:28Speaker 02

  I really like that one.

• 59:29Speaker 01

  It's kinda like what you were saying at Kimmel.

• 59:31Speaker 02

  I love that actually. They didn't make us sign shit, dude. Walk in black, come on, get on stage bitch. Tell us a joke whore. Okay guys, hey, it's really rough out here eh?

• 59:43Dax Shepard?

  If you were tracking your standup career, when are the big level ups? Cause of course I become aware of you watching Rami, which I love. And I'm like, who's this most hysterical person who needs his own show? And then immediately had his own show?

• 59:56Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 59:57Dax Shepard?

  That's my experience with you. So what was happening in the standup?

• 1:00:00Speaker 02

  It's different levels that you start to pass. In 2011, Dave was making his comeback, starting to like really tour. And then we happened to be in the Bay at the same time. He was in Oakland, I was in the Bay doing standup. And it was me, my buddy Azra Sman, longtime collaborator, worked for years. He was like, Dave's in town, let's just go over and hang out. So I would go over, hang out with him. And he's like, hey, you wanna open? I was like, yeah. I go up. And then he was like, you wanna come tomorrow? I was like, yeah, cool. He's like, you know, I'm going to Atlanta, you wanna come to Atlanta? I was like, yeah, cool. Next thing you know, it's eight years of just constant touring with him. But 2014 was the big turning point for me with Dave. He just gave me the inspiration. After a show at the House of Blues in Dallas, he walks up to me after my set. He's like, Mo man, he said, it's killer, bro.

• 1:00:44Speaker 02

  What if you do a short film in front of your special? I produce it, think if you do it right, you could win an Emmy. And like hits me in like the shoulder. I was like, oh shit, short film. I couldn't sleep to save my life. It was like a week or two of me just obsessing on what this short film would be. Must've listened to a hundred tracks. I'm really visual person, I need music to help me illustrate the entire picture. And it just clicked when I listened to Elvis Presley's That's Alright Mama. That song, that's alright mama, that's alright now, that's alright mama. You just do as you do, oh that's alright. You know, when he did that, I saw my mom putting everything together, getting us out of Kuwait.

• 1:01:28Speaker 02

  I just saw the entire thing, which is the same scene that's in episode seven now of the first season. I wanted it to be the opening, but anyway, I put it together. I was like, this is it. I was trying to pitch Dave on it and Dave was like, oh God, what if this sucks? And I inspired this guy to fucking do it.

• 1:01:43Dax Shepard?

  It's a personal story.

• 1:01:44Speaker 02

  Tell him it sucks. It's always a scary thing, I get that, but I knew it didn't suck. I knew it was badass. Yeah. Was on the bus on tour in Austin. I grabbed his speaker, I was like, you're listening to this? And I put it in, put it down and I mapped the whole thing out for him. He was smoking a cigarette and he goes. Shit, Mo, that's genius. Don't do it in a special. You need to do a TV show. I was like, fuck a TV show. So then I became this whole other obsession.

• 1:02:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:10Speaker 02

  So I started writing down all these really transformative moments in my life. Young kid or teenager or an adult. My experience in war, all these significant scenes. Or even a moment with my grandmother, how she was teaching me how to eat hummus. Things that I've never forgotten that I put in season two. I just put them on index cards. Scene by scene, I would work it out. So I'd had a hundred scenes accumulated that I just couldn't mine through. I told Rami about it in 2014, early 15, actually. I was like, yeah, I think I have this idea, but I want to do my stand up special first. He goes, no, let's do your TV show. This is great. I was like, yeah, but I think I should do my special first. I did for Netflix at that point. That explains a lot of the story and then I can go into the series. And then he was like, well, fuck, if you're not gonna do that, I'm gonna make my own show.

• 1:02:54Speaker 02

  So he goes off and makes his own show. He was like, come do my show. And I was like, I don't know.

• 1:02:58Dax Shepard?

  Cause you want to do your own show.

• 1:03:00Speaker 02

  It's not about the own thing. I'm just very protective of ideas. And once you put ideas out, they're kind of over with. I just didn't know if it was right or not. I really wasn't sure.

• 1:03:09Dax Shepard?

  Cause you're playing Mo, who owns a restaurant on Rami. And you're like, well, now am I stuck with that character?

• 1:03:16Speaker 02

  Right, right. People would tell me that that was like an argument initially. And I was like, I really don't care.

• 1:03:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nor should you, but I could see that being something you were hung up on.

• 1:03:25Speaker 02

  That was something I was totally hung up on. I was thinking about it. It was just like, I was just curious. And then later on, he always jokes, he's like, remember I begged you to do this? I was like, nah, you didn't fucking beg me. It was just going through the bullshit, you know, just trying to figure it out and making sure that it's the right thing for you and for me. Like, it's all love. Last thing I want to do is do something bad for you either. It was an awesome thing.

• 1:03:44Dax Shepard?

  But being on Rami is the first on screen acting?

• 1:03:48Speaker 02

  I think I did crashing first, like a guest star.

• 1:03:51Dax Shepard?

  That was Pete?

• 1:03:52Speaker 02

  Pete, yeah.

• 1:03:53Dax Shepard?

  Pete's show. This is an impossible question to answer for you, but you're immediately so insanely natural. Were you shocked by your own ability?

• 1:04:03Speaker 02

  Are we trying to be humble right now?

• 1:04:05Dax Shepard?

  That's what I'm saying. You can't really answer this question, but I have to imagine there's a big. Big relief at how fucking relaxed and in your body.

• 1:04:13Speaker 02

  Oh, thank God. Yeah, for sure.

• 1:04:14Dax Shepard?

  That's an unknown.

• 1:04:15Speaker 01

  It's not easy. Most people are not. You get really rigid in front of the camera. Most people do.

• 1:04:21Speaker 02

  I feel like I was completely born to do it. It felt so good and comfortable. Loved it. I felt like I finally was doing the thing that I was always meant to do.

• 1:04:30Dax Shepard?

  Maybe more than stand up?

• 1:04:33Speaker 02

  It's close. I love stand up so much. I love stand up because of the vulnerability and allowing yourself just to speak your mind and ability just to do three shows in Chicago Theater, man. It's its own thing. But we just did 10,000 people. Like, I'm just backstage, literally thanking God before I'm introduced. Just remembering sleeping on fucking floors in every spot that you can imagine, every airport, every courtyard, anything, just to try to make it. So I'm very grateful for that. But this whole experience, like, oh, this is what I'm built for. I'm built to tell stories. I'm built to do television, built to do movies. Doing Black Adam was huge, too. I felt so natural in all that. And I just start reflecting about my life. You know, I didn't create myself. It's okay to talk about it. Like, I didn't make me.

• 1:05:14Dax Shepard?

  You're the product of a lot of contexts.

• 1:05:16Speaker 02

  But also, there's certain things, bro, that'll blow your fucking mind. The guttural feeling I had when I saw stand up for the first time and the journey that it was supposed to take me on, that wasn't the first time. I thought it was, but it's not. When I was seven in Egypt, my dad took us to a play and the lead of that play, his name is Adel Imam. He's an iconic Middle Eastern actor, Egyptian. He's like the GOAT of all GOATs of all comedic cinema and live performance. I love this man. I watched him. I'm seven. I don't really even know totally what they're saying, but it's a captivating experience. On that trip, there is a photo that literally tells the future.

• 1:05:56Speaker 02

  If you look at that photo, I know it sounds crazy to say this, but I'll show it to you. It literally tells the entire future of what I'm supposed to do. It's absolutely baffling. And then my mom, as much as she was so worried about my future because she's never heard about staying up. Is it really viable art profession or a career path? So long when it's Argus one, of course, she has every right to be like this fucking.

• 1:06:18Dax Shepard?

  I know engineering results in a roof over here.

• 1:06:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. But she didn't really understand. And then she told me recently, she goes, when you were 18 months, when you barely could start walking, you're running around, you would turn off the TV. And you would start entertaining us on front of the television. It's already there. I don't know why it's there, but it's there. But then this picture, bro, it'll freak you out. I gotta pull it up.

• 1:06:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, we need to see it. Okay, we have the picture up.

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  This is in Egypt. This is the last family vacation in 1988. I'm in the red short, right?

• 1:06:46Dax Shepard?

  Yep.

• 1:06:46Speaker 02

  1988, the guy that has hands on my shoulders. His name is Youssef Adris. He's literally one of the most legendary screenplay and authors of any generation in the Middle East. Okay, I'm wearing a shirt that's basically a US military recruitment shirt that nobody fucking knows I'm wearing. Clearly we've run out of stuff because we extended our stay.

• 1:07:11Speaker 01

  It says, join the forces, kill.

• 1:07:15Speaker 02

  It's absurd, right? My mom clearly run out of shit, right? So it's there, it's gone. She just picked out a bunch of stuff. We ran out of things, she didn't even look at it. I have a camcorder. It's an over the shoulder camcorder. This is the very camcorder that I found 30 years later. That's in the series, if you watch the ending. That's what I'm holding.

• 1:07:35Dax Shepard?

  You show footage of your father in Palestine, right?

• 1:07:38Speaker 02

  I do. When my aunt told me about this camcorder, I was literally asking about it two days prior. I was on tour in the Middle East. I look at my manager, I'm like, look at this picture. I was reflecting on this photo and I was like, wait, what does this fucking shirt say? And I started zooming into it. I was like, oh my God. And I look at the camcorder, I was like, I have so many memories with this camcorder. It's insane. I was like, what's the, isn't it crazy? The guy who has hands on my shoulders is one of the greatest writers of our generation, filmmakers, storytellers. I have a camcorder on my hand. The two main characters after me in my show is my mom and my brother. And the US military invades. Kuwait two years after this. That is wild. Yeah, that's really. It's so insane and the camcorder itself goes missing. I think it's gone.

• 1:08:23Speaker 02

  And bring this up in Kuwait. I'm being really reflective. It's very painful. And also I'm going there. They're building a tent for me to do a show. It's like, oh, my God, what's happened? Really, in this deep sense of reflection, my aunt is going in and out of memory. She's having Alzheimer's, starting to really get worse, but she remembers me. She's holding my hand. Don't go, don't go, don't go. I'm just looking at the clock. I was like, I'm so sorry. I have to go up in like an hour. I have to go. She's like begging me not to go. It was so gut wrenching. I was sitting there in my hotel room, just crying. Yeah. Bro, I wonder what happened to this camcorder. I always remember this, just reflecting and how everything is happening. I hear people cheering from outside the room. It's 2000 seat or whatever they built for me. This is just surreal. Trying to integrate all this.

• 1:09:08Speaker 02

  Trying to just make sense of it all. Like, how did this all happen? It's nuts. I was like, everybody, can you please leave? I just didn't know how to reconcile it. I was having, not like excited about going on, but I just didn't know how to channel my feelings anymore. And so I call, actually FaceTime Dave. He was like, oh shit, man, you can have one of the best fucking sets you ever had. I already see it.

• 1:09:27Speaker 02

  And I just wiped my tears like, you're right. Went up and literally one of the best. I did 90 minutes just destroying the place, freestyling, integrating Arabic to English. It was like a masterclass. It was like fucking. Two days later, when I'm on Jordan, I'm visiting my other aunt and we're hugging, kissing. She's loving on me. She's like another mom to me. We just ate a really dense meal and I was trying not to like pass out. And I hear her say, I heard of a camcorder. That's what it sounded like to me. I was like, what? Oh, God, so sleepy. I was like, did she say a camcorder? No. And I didn't register it. Then I see her walk back in. She has back problems. She's in her late seventies. This camcorder. I was like, what the? I freaked out. And then my cousin walks in with a bag full of VHS tapes.

• 1:10:10Speaker 02

  I was like, what is going on, dude? That night, I'm in the hotel room. I'm staring at the video camera. I have my opening act, Adi Khalifa, and my manager was stuffing in the room. I can't stop thinking about it. And Adi goes, you want to see if it works, don't you? I was like, yeah. I open it up, plug it in, comes right on. I was like, give me a VHS tape. I could watch in the little viewfinder. First tape, Michael Jackson. I was like, I'll take it out. The next tape, Michael Jackson. I was like, guys.

• 1:10:39Speaker 02

  Like, next tape, it's a house party. We don't know where, we don't know what it is. I'm watching for about five minutes. I was like, oh, where's my dad? I really want to see my dad. I was like, ah, he's probably filming, damn it. Right as I say that, he walks into the frame. He's taking pictures, everybody. He's like dancing. I'm losing it. I'm like laughing. Yeah. Crying, laughing, crying. Meanwhile, my friend Adi, my opening, I didn't know he was filming, but I was for seventeen minutes watching. He filmed the entire thing. And I caught footage of me as a little kid in our house in Kuwait. It was just insane to get footage from my dad that I didn't know existed anymore. Nobody had. And I found it almost thirty years later.

• 1:11:22Dax Shepard?

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare. We get support from ZipRecruiter. Oh, get recruiting. So I went down this rabbit hole the other day on real holiday jobs that exist, and I couldn't stop. Somebody out there is hiring a ham glazer, a professional ham glazer. Another place is hiring a lead elf, implying a whole hierarchy of elves I had never even considered. Here's the thing, these jobs need real skills. People like that are hard to find. Whether you're hiring for one of these roles or any other role, the best way to find qualified people who are genuinely excited about your role is on ZipRecruiter.

• 1:12:03Dax Shepard?

  And right now, you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com/dax. Plus, ZipRecruiter has a new feature that shows you the most interested qualified candidates first, so you meet the right people faster. No wonder ZipRecruiter is the number one rated hiring site based on G2. Let ZipRecruiter find the right people for your roles, seasonal or otherwise. Try it for free today at ziprecruiter.com/dax. At ziprecruiter.com/dax, meet your match on ZipRecruiter.

• 1:12:36Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Skims. Okay, I have a confession. I genuinely love matching pajamas. It's the best part of Christmas morning, really. Everyone in the same matching set, looking ridiculously cute in front of the tree.

• 1:12:50Speaker 01

  I love matching pajamas. I'm literally gonna be in coordinating sets with all my friends this holiday season. Because I got them, spoiler to my friends who are listening, the same Skims pajama set I've been living in. So soft and cozy and they look cute. So you can leave the house and go get a late night hot chocolate. Be cozy.

• 1:13:11Dax Shepard?

  It's so great how Skims has sets for everyone, too. Women's, men's, kids, even your pets. So nobody in your life has to be left out this year.

• 1:13:21Speaker 01

  I have a bunch of different pajama sets. One of my favorite is the organic cotton sleep long sleeve set.

• 1:13:27Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:13:28Speaker 01

  It is so comfortable, very chic, too. The top is a button down, but very, very soft, easy to sleep in. But as I said before, you can multi-purpose this and look super cute.

• 1:13:41Dax Shepard?

  Hot chocolate runs. It's like the pajamas we grew up in, except without the scratchy polyester that made opening presents feel more like a hot yoga class that nobody signed up for.

• 1:13:50Speaker 01

  All the nostalgia, none of the discomfort. Shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select Armchair Expert in the drop down menu that follows. If you're looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Skims Holiday Shop is now open at skims.com.

• 1:14:09Dax Shepard?

  We get support from our sponsor, Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Gleepran. Foundo is a once daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.

• 1:14:35Speaker 03

  Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it or if you or someone in your family had medullary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type two. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes. If you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be, or taking birth control pills and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems. Once Daily Foundo is available by prescription only

• 1:15:17Speaker 03

  in 0.8 milligram, 2.5 milligram, 5.5 milligram, 9 milligram, 14.5 milligram, and 17.2 milligram tablets. Learn more at foundo.lilly.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.

• 1:15:32Dax Shepard?

  This episode is supported by Helix.

• 1:15:35Speaker 01

  Okay, can we talk about how November is basically survival mode? Between the holidays, the travel, the hosting, the cooking, the everything. Sleep is the one thing keeping me from completely unraveling.

• 1:15:46Dax Shepard?

  It really is the foundation. And I think people underestimate how much a bad mattress is quietly ruining their day. You wake up stiff, your back's angry, you're already behind before your feet hit the floor.

• 1:15:57Speaker 01

  That was me before Helix. I took their sleep quiz, which is so fast. It took me like two minutes and they matched me to a mattress that actually fits how I sleep. Not a guess, not a firm or soft coin flip. It's a real match. I have a midnight mattress and I really like it. I was noticing it because I actually had to sleep in one of my other beds.

• 1:16:14Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:16:15Speaker 01

  Recently.

• 1:16:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:16Speaker 01

  That doesn't have a Helix mattress on it. And I really could tell a big difference in my sleep.

• 1:16:20Dax Shepard?

  Temperature was all over the map.

• 1:16:21Speaker 01

  It was a mess.

• 1:16:22Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:22Speaker 01

  I need a new one.

• 1:16:23Dax Shepard?

  Look, they've got over 20 mattress models. So whether you sleep hot, need extra back support, or you've got a partner who moves around all night, there's one built for you. Plus free shipping and a 365 night happy with Helix guarantee. That's a full year to decide.

• 1:16:38Speaker 01

  Helix has been named the most awarded mattress by Forbes, Wired and more. So it's not just us being enthusiastic, the experts agree.

• 1:16:44Dax Shepard?

  Right now, Helix is running their Black Friday sale with up to 30% off. Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. helixsleep.com/armchair.

• 1:17:08Dax Shepard?

  Did it almost help you go, oh yeah, that was real?

• 1:17:11Speaker 02

  It did. That's a great way to put it.

• 1:17:13Dax Shepard?

  It's so far away in so many ways, geographically and time wise to see it. I would imagine going, oh right, I haven't imagined this whole thing.

• 1:17:21Speaker 02

  No, this is absolutely real. And of course, seeing my mom and young and she's serving fruits.

• 1:17:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:25Speaker 02

  There was a tape where we're at our house and my dad is very hospitable. He just loves artists as well. He'd have people there, it was the guys reciting poetry, freestyling and they would get your name. You would go Dax, Dax, Dax, the Dax. You know, they would play off it and they would go on a rant about you. It was so special and I'm sitting there wide awake and all the little kids are like sleeping except me. You can tell I'm loving this.

• 1:17:47Dax Shepard?

  You want in on it.

• 1:17:48Speaker 02

  It was super cool. Just having footage of my dad grabbing me like that, it just killed me, man. I was like so happy. While I'm recreating this scene in the series, I forget that I need, because I cast him as my cousin in the show. And as we're about to do the scene, he goes, Remember I was with you when that happened? He's like, remember I filmed it? I was like, oh my God, Eddie, that's right. I sent it to my editor. I was like, hey, here's the doc footage of me discovering it. Here's the actual footage that's on there. If you could just hold it for me and then do a rough cut at the end. So people know that it's a real story.

• 1:18:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:21Speaker 02

  And when I saw it in the cut, I lost my fucking mind, weeping. Like, what did I just do? It was like one of those things.

• 1:18:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:18:27Speaker 02

  That only the divine can facilitate something like that. It's impossible.

• 1:18:31Speaker 01

  I think it's hard when people die. You kind of remember their death. That's the first thing that is top of mind. So to click back into their life when they were happy and joyous and living with vitality, that's a gift.

• 1:18:45Speaker 02

  I feel that.

• 1:18:46Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that's beautiful. Now, the show is twice a hundred percent on Rotten Tomatoes. You won, and I'm very jealous. There's only one award I've ever coveted and I campaign for all the time. And I don't even know what it gets awarded for, but the Peabody.

• 1:19:00Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:19:01Dax Shepard?

  That to me feels like, oh, you transcended Hollywood somehow.

• 1:19:04Speaker 02

  It was beautiful.

• 1:19:05Dax Shepard?

  It's kind of a rad group to join of the people.

• 1:19:08Speaker 01

  Very prestigious.

• 1:19:09Dax Shepard?

  Malcolm Gladwell.

• 1:19:10Speaker 02

  I felt that way about the AFI too. There's just in a room and they only pick 10 shows and 10 films and that's it.

• 1:19:16Dax Shepard?

  That's so cool.

• 1:19:16Speaker 02

  And you're just in that room. You're like, oh my God, Sigourney Weaver, fucking Steven Spielberg, James Cameron. I talk about watches, like Better Call Saul is honored. So you have everyone there, Bob Odenkirk. I'm like, what's going on, bro? It's nuts. And then they bring in Al Pacino to tell a story like out of nowhere. He was like, I hate award shows, you know? I really hate award shows because there's a bunch of losers, but you guys are all winners. That's nice. Yeah. That's nice. Whoa, whoa. He really walked in like that. He was like, I got a paper, I got a speech, but I fucking hate papers. I just want to tell you a little story. One of the best stories ever. I don't, you know, the first role I did was the Godfather. You heard of it, you know? I can't believe it. I'm fucking doing a Godfather. I just got to tell you before this though, you know, I did a lot of drugs and alcohol, you know?

• 1:20:01Speaker 02

  It got me through a lot of hard times. It was really worked out well for me. I'm not advocating for it. I'm just saying it was really good for me. Let me tell you something. Did I get nominated for an Oscar? I couldn't believe it. I got nominated for an Oscar. So what I did was I took so many fucking quaaludes. I drank so much. I was fucked up out of my mind. My manager at the time had to wash my hair. Couldn't even wash my fucking hair. Takes me to the Oscars, you know? We're at the Oscars and I'm sitting in a chair just fucking losing my mind. High out of my mind, drunk. And then I realized, oh my God, what if I win? I gotta walk up to the stage. Oh no, now I'm panicked. I look over at my manager, I was like, is it almost over? He goes, it's only been 40 minutes. We've still got another three hours to go. He goes, oh no.

• 1:20:46Speaker 02

  Three hours, I can't handle it. And he was so paranoid. I'm so paranoid about it. What if I win? I gotta walk on the stage. I can't walk. It's impossible. I can't even stand up. How am I gonna go give a speech? It's not gonna work out. And it comes up, our category finally comes up. And they go, the winner is Jack Lemmon. And I fucking celebrated, you know? I was so fucking happy. And the next day in the papers, they were like, look how beautiful Al Pacino is. What a great supporter of art, supporter of Jack Lemmon. And I was just happy I didn't fucking win and have to walk up on a goddamn stage. Hysterical. And he goes, okay, I'll read from the paper now. So it was like right there. That was a great.

• 1:21:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's right. But it seems like the show's wrapped up.

• 1:21:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:30Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:21:32Speaker 02

  Look, you get as many swings as you can and you don't know how many you're gonna get. So I feel sincerely, this second season is like a masterpiece. I feel like the eighth episode is something so unique. Chris Dory gave me one of the sweetest compliments. And he was just like, you did something really dangerous, but never inflammatory, which is an enormous feat. And it was tender, it was thoughtful, it was sweet, it was heartfelt, it was funny. And kudos to you. When he said that to me, I was like, thank you. I felt really seen because it was almost basically an impossible position to be in. Do you talk about October 7th? Do you have it? Do you get into it?

• 1:22:07Dax Shepard?

  Did season one wrap on October?

• 1:22:09Speaker 02

  No, season one didn't really have a particular date to it, but I decided to date the entire second season. So when it opens up in the first episode of season two, you could see it's September 2022. And then it takes us all the way to October of 23, but then the whole season ends on the 6th of October in Tel Aviv Airport before their strip search. So I did that very deliberately because every time I started. First of all, if we talk about it, then that means the family doesn't get to go back. Obviously, they can't go back and visit if there's a war going on. Not gonna happen. Secondly, you're making everything seem like it all started at that point, which is also not fair. And people need to know contextually what the world looked like before that. Thirdly, every time I started getting into it, it became a full blown drama.

• 1:22:54Speaker 02

  And the base of the show is comedy. And we explored it. I wanted to see what it looked like. I do a gut check right away. It was like, uh, does not feel good. That's not it. You only have two seasons. This is the best foot forward here. And if there's a scenario where a third comes around or the question comes up, do you want to do it? Do you want to get into it? I'd have to really think about it because I genuinely believe, I'm being objective sincerely. The first season was really, really hard and I'm blessed that we able to get all the accolades we did for the first season. But what I was able to pull off with the second season, I feel so blessed that I had such a great support system.

• 1:23:32Speaker 02

  Wife, my having a son at the same time, being so focused on nothing else and just so zoned in about making sure to tell the best possible story. And I feel like we did that. I'm so relieved.

• 1:23:46Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:47Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 1:23:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:48Speaker 02

  Because it is an impossible position.

• 1:23:50Dax Shepard?

  A lot of opportunity for failure.

• 1:23:52Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 1:23:53Dax Shepard?

  Whenever you take on something that has about 90 ways it can go bad and then a couple it could go good.

• 1:23:59Speaker 02

  Well, also people who have their own projections on the subject matter.

• 1:24:03Speaker 01

  Which is everyone.

• 1:24:04Speaker 02

  Exactly, which is immigration, Latinos, it's not just the Palestinian family, represents many different buckets, right? We go into a detention center in episode two. I've never seen that in any show, much less a comedy. But also telling these detailed stories, showing also how privileged I am as a refugee in comparison to other people's experiences.

• 1:24:20Dax Shepard?

  Another guy's talking about cartel apprehending them for four days.

• 1:24:25Speaker 02

  And he's like, how'd you get here? Like, well, I took a bus.

• 1:24:27Dax Shepard?

  And then I took a short swim.

• 1:24:29Speaker 02

  And they tries to make himself feel better, like, well, you know, in the nineties, we fled the Gulf War, you know? But then we took a flight, I think it was Delta. So just showing how absurd even I am in my own scenario. And I just love that misdirection of like, you think it's gonna be a hypersexual comedic situation and then it goes into a political conversation, which things do, especially in that environment.

• 1:24:49Dax Shepard?

  I would have put the mask on.

• 1:24:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, I would. I couldn't do it. If anybody else in the room, I have performance anxiety for sure. Any sexual activity for sure.

• 1:24:57Dax Shepard?

  Master wants him to fuck his wife with a.

• 1:24:59Speaker 02

  A luchador mask.

• 1:25:00Dax Shepard?

  A luchador mask.

• 1:25:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's also Palestinian to do it.

• 1:25:03Dax Shepard?

  He doesn't want to do it.

• 1:25:04Speaker 02

  I can't do it.

• 1:25:05Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that would have been easy.

• 1:25:06Speaker 02

  I physically can't do it at all. So it was genuinely me. I don't even toe the line between the character and myself, but I remember having like a girlfriend and she had this dog and he kept looking at me while we're, I was like, dude, stop looking. I was like, I can't, you gotta get this dog out of here, bro. It's making me feel terrible about myself.

• 1:25:21Dax Shepard?

  Our old dog, she loved to watch.

• 1:25:24Speaker 02

  I'm so shy, bro. I'm telling you, I'm super shy, even if it's a pet.

• 1:25:28Dax Shepard?

  A loved one.

• 1:25:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's just like, bro, what are you doing?

• 1:25:30Dax Shepard?

  But our dog Lola didn't just want to observe. She wanted to like walk around and get a little closer. Sometimes I feel fur on my leg.

• 1:25:38Speaker 02

  No, come on.

• 1:25:40Dax Shepard?

  And then I was like, Lola's a fucking pervert. And then I was like, wait, is that what's going on? Or when Lola looks at me, I feel like a pervert. I'm aware of how perverted I am with this third person.

• 1:25:50Speaker 02

  I'm really sad we brought this up now. No, it was fun to play with that.

• 1:25:55Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so now you're on tour.

• 1:25:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:25:57Dax Shepard?

  And the name of your tour is.

• 1:25:59Speaker 02

  El Also Palestinian Tour. The Palestinian Bear Tour.

• 1:26:03Dax Shepard?

  The Palestinian Bear Tour.

• 1:26:04Speaker 02

  Which is a play on the character in the show is just side jobs to make a living in Mexico. He's a luchador, but he's really just there to get his ass kicked. Doesn't have any skill set whatsoever.

• 1:26:14Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 1:26:15Speaker 02

  I did a few of those takes, bro. That shit is real, man. It hurt like a motherfucker. My back went out a few times. I'm like, dude, what is going on? They're like, hold on to the rope, squeeze your abs, and then we're gonna hold you from your ankles, but you gotta hold yourself.

• 1:26:29Dax Shepard?

  Plank.

• 1:26:29Speaker 02

  I'm like, whoo. I'm not planking. It's an extraordinary plank. I could plank for several minutes. Shockingly, I can do it. We'll do it right now, buddy.

• 1:26:38Dax Shepard?

  I didn't want to offend you. I knew you were a good planker.

• 1:26:40Speaker 02

  You can't tell on FaceTime.

• 1:26:41Dax Shepard?

  No, we already know about the athleticism. Everyone knows you're a good planker.

• 1:26:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it. Gracias. Just put this one. For real, it's a female. She's like kicking my ass. I'm like, bro, this is it. Where's the stunt guy? Get him in there. I thought this was gonna be fun. This was disaster. Get me out of this suit. It's hot. I'm sweating. I did black Adam. I can do my own stunts. Let's go. No, I can't. I can't do all of them. That's not your lane. Driving a car like a lunatic and getting thrown from the ropes are completely different things, buddy. Completely different things. So how many dates are you doing? I think I've done forty five already. I'm not sure. You can get tickets on my website, moamer.com. M O A M E R dot com. You can follow me on Instagram. I gotta film another special, so I'm just going hard. I want this to be spectacular. I want it to be the best special that I've ever done.

• 1:27:27Speaker 02

  And I feel like with getting older, having a son and what's going on in the world, the way you filter things and when you see things, everything is different. I see things really differently. As a father, as a man, just coming off of season two itself and how really massive lift that was and relief of seeing people, the reception that I'm getting on the road now, it's one of the most beautiful things. Yeah.

• 1:27:49Speaker 01

  How is your Instagram? Because Instagram is, well, social media is a cesspool.

• 1:27:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, it really is. It's tough.

• 1:27:56Speaker 01

  It's tough. Do you face a lot of backlash and weird stuff there?

• 1:28:00Speaker 02

  I try not to look. Number one, I really, really avoid it. I have a team that curates. I approve everything because I really don't want to spend my days online and on social. It was so time consuming and vacuous and everyone's just yelling at each other. No one's really making sense. There's no actual progress being made. It's just people declaring what side of every fight they're on. Exactly. And then the worst part of it to me is no one's listening to one another. So you're talking and I'm just thinking about how I'm gonna respond. You're not there to learn anything. You're there to broadcast your position.

• 1:28:33Speaker 01

  And to fight.

• 1:28:34Speaker 02

  Exactly. So I've avoided that. And sincerely, I haven't had any issue like with season two. I think that the balance was perfect and the fact that it was based off of my actual experience in life. And then you can see not all of it. Surely you fictionalize certain things, but a substantial amount of it is copy paste. What the divine has given me on a silver platter. You don't want to mess with that. You can't write anything better than that. You're holding a camcorder. Just go with that and build around it and making sure to expand it and make sure it flows into the overall story. And that's it. Stay focused and have the right balance of comedy and drama and emotion tapped into it and take people on this ride and let it do the talking.

• 1:29:13Dax Shepard?

  Well, not to be too corny and make you uncomfortable. I appreciate it so much. Rami, for me, was the first big, like, I really, really enjoyed almost being forced to see what the experience is like.

• 1:29:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:29:28Dax Shepard?

  And same with you. And so I'm grateful we live in this. The negative would be like a niche economy of content, but the great part of it is I get to watch Atlanta.

• 1:29:39Speaker 02

  It's a great era. I hope the pressure doesn't stop these stories from being told.

• 1:29:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:44Speaker 02

  That's the scary part is that a lot of people at my shows were like, how'd they let you do it? One guy said, how are you alive? I was like, bro, pray for me. What the fuck are you talking about? I'm alive. It's a good, sweet, honest, that's how shocked people are because that's how extreme the suppression of free speech has become. And if we don't like what you're saying, then we can just literally deport you to another country. Like, what the fuck is going on right now?

• 1:30:05Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:30:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:06Speaker 02

  I don't really worry about it, but I just hope that it doesn't happen. I hope that the artist community, specifically here in LA and Hollywood, to understand that we need more of these stories. You can't suppress speech. If you don't like what somebody's saying, you just need more speech, right?

• 1:30:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:30:23Speaker 02

  Everybody gets to share their stories. You don't have to love it. You don't have to hate it. You can appreciate it.

• 1:30:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Well, have fun touring and then also act more because I love watching you act. You really are just born to do it. You're so effortlessly comfortable. Mo, I'm delighted to meet you. I'm so glad you came and did this.

• 1:30:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, so good to know both you really, truly. This is so fun.

• 1:30:43Dax Shepard?

  Oh, good.

• 1:30:43Speaker 02

  Really, really, what a great experience. I'm gonna do this in my garage.

• 1:30:46Dax Shepard?

  You should.

• 1:30:47Speaker 01

  You really should.

• 1:30:48Dax Shepard?

  You got a garage?

• 1:30:48Speaker 02

  Just me, just sitting there.

• 1:30:50Dax Shepard?

  All you need is a garage.

• 1:30:52Speaker 02

  Love it, man. Thank you so much.

• 1:31:04Dax Shepard?

  Oh, this is fun.

• 1:31:05Speaker 01

  This is.

• 1:31:06Dax Shepard?

  So you hit me with an idea.

• 1:31:09Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:31:09Dax Shepard?

  Which is after we chit chat for a while and we get into the facts, I'm gonna cut your hair while you read the facts.

• 1:31:16Speaker 01

  Yes, because you have boasted many a time about your haircutting capabilities.

• 1:31:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:24Speaker 01

  And I've never experienced it and I need a haircut so badly.

• 1:31:27Dax Shepard?

  I know, but I told you, this is not the situation. Like, I need you on a tall chair in the kitchen with a lot of light. We gotta discuss what you want, but you didn't. What you're telling me is you just want the ends trimmed.

• 1:31:39Speaker 01

  I mean, you can do some other stuff if you want, but be careful. Play with it a little bit.

• 1:31:46Dax Shepard?

  Okay, we'll see. We'll see what we can do.

• 1:31:48Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:31:48Dax Shepard?

  But I do have my tools. I got my tools.

• 1:31:51Speaker 01

  You got your scissors and your brush.

• 1:31:52Dax Shepard?

  Like normally I would use this comb, but I was thinking your hair, I don't know if I can get this comb through your hair, can I?

• 1:31:58Speaker 01

  Have you ever?

• 1:31:59Dax Shepard?

  I brought one of the girl's brushes.

• 1:32:01Speaker 01

  Have you ever cut hair on a Indian, on an Indian woman's head?

• 1:32:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I only do Indian women's.

• 1:32:08Speaker 01

  Oh, then you'll, then you'll be fine. You'll be fine with that comb.

• 1:32:12Dax Shepard?

  Do you think all Indian women have the same hair? I mean, they seem to, from my point of view, they seem pretty similar.

• 1:32:18Speaker 01

  I don't think they're exactly the same, but yes, I think there's a thickness.

• 1:32:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:24Speaker 01

  Although Matt once told me, Matt, our friend who's a hairstylist, told me that the actual strand itself is of mine, is not that thick. It's more like medium.

• 1:32:35Dax Shepard?

  It's the density.

• 1:32:36Speaker 01

  There's a lot of it.

• 1:32:37Dax Shepard?

  So density.

• 1:32:38Speaker 01

  Density.

• 1:32:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. I've never seen a blonde Indian. Let's start there.

• 1:32:43Speaker 01

  No, they don't.

• 1:32:44Dax Shepard?

  No. It's like green eyes, cat eyes, as your father would say.

• 1:32:47Speaker 01

  Well, green eyes happens there sometimes, but no blonde hair.

• 1:32:51Dax Shepard?

  No, right?

• 1:32:52Speaker 01

  No. I've never heard of it.

• 1:32:54Dax Shepard?

  There's gotta be albino Indians though.

• 1:32:56Speaker 01

  Exactly. That would be the, that would be the only.

• 1:32:58Dax Shepard?

  Albinism.

• 1:33:00Dax Shepard?

  We learned a cool word today on Armchair Anonymous.

• 1:33:03Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:33:04Dax Shepard?

  Edenistic?

• 1:33:04Speaker 01

  No, edenic.

• 1:33:06Dax Shepard?

  Edenic.

• 1:33:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:33:07Dax Shepard?

  To describe an environment as Eden-like, like the Garden of Eden.

• 1:33:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, I like that. I liked that.

• 1:33:13Dax Shepard?

  God, I'm glad you remember it because I said out loud, I'm going to commit that to my.

• 1:33:17Speaker 01

  Repertoire.

• 1:33:18Dax Shepard?

  Repertoire. People loved your David Chang story. I just want to add that.

• 1:33:22Speaker 01

  Oh, good.

• 1:33:23Dax Shepard?

  I looked at the comments and people, many people write that this is all of us.

• 1:33:27Speaker 01

  It's all of us, right? We just don't know how to operate in the world. Humans do not know how to operate.

• 1:33:33Dax Shepard?

  We get so nervous, as if like people get punched for doing it wrong or something.

• 1:33:37Speaker 01

  It's so frustrating. I did send it to Callie, of course. I sent her the text. She said, what is going on? And I responded and she said, but where is the bread from?

• 1:33:48Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 1:33:48Speaker 01

  We still don't know a really important.

• 1:33:51Dax Shepard?

  Rob can, yeah, I'll ask. He'll handle that right now.

• 1:33:53Speaker 01

  Can you find out?

• 1:33:54Dax Shepard?

  The bread that his children didn't eat, that he brought home for his children.

• 1:33:57Speaker 01

  I was going to say, oh, what you got there about?

• 1:33:59Dax Shepard?

  There's a bit of a standoff in our household. So Kristen, as you know, you've tried it. She's in her sourdough phase.

• 1:34:07Speaker 01

  I've never tried hers.

• 1:34:08Dax Shepard?

  You have been?

• 1:34:08Speaker 01

  Only Amy's.

• 1:34:10Dax Shepard?

  What about at Molly's birthday party, she brought over like two fresh loaves. You didn't get into it.

• 1:34:14Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:34:14Dax Shepard?

  I had some. I cheated. And I also, I was like, you know, I already told you some like, oh, sourdough's got the least amount of gluten. I can eat it. And I had it. There's nothing better than sourdough out of an oven.

• 1:34:26Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:34:26Dax Shepard?

  Forget it.

• 1:34:27Speaker 01

  Yum.

• 1:34:28Dax Shepard?

  But anyways, my kids are like, where's the white bread?

• 1:34:31Speaker 01

  They miss the white bread.

• 1:34:32Dax Shepard?

  And Kristen's like, I'm making the bread. You have homemade bread.

• 1:34:36Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:34:37Dax Shepard?

  Rightly so.

• 1:34:38Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:34:38Dax Shepard?

  And Delta's like, I want, I want little square white pieces of bread.

• 1:34:43Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:34:43Dax Shepard?

  And I get it.

• 1:34:44Speaker 01

  You definitely get it of all people.

• 1:34:46Dax Shepard?

  Because I'm a trash monster. I like crappy stuff.

• 1:34:48Speaker 01

  No, when you have your, you have your five dishes that you make, that you used to make, those were your special dishes.

• 1:34:55Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:34:55Speaker 01

  And one of them is a tuna.

• 1:34:59Dax Shepard?

  Chicken salad sandwich.

• 1:35:00Speaker 01

  Excuse me, a chicken salad sandwich. It's been a minute. It's been a minute. I haven't had it in a while. Chicken salad.

• 1:35:05Dax Shepard?

  That one's hard because I don't eat bread anymore and I gotta just eat this and watch you guys.

• 1:35:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, you can have it on the sourdough, I guess. How often are you cheating with the sourdough?

• 1:35:13Dax Shepard?

  I'm not. When she got into the phase, because you can't imagine waking up and the whole house smells like a loaf of sourdough. You're like. It's actually now maddening that I, I don't, I had a week of it. I'm like, yeah, this is where it's not working. My skin started flaking. My wrist started hurting.

• 1:35:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:35:30Dax Shepard?

  I also gained like immediately, I just mysteriously gained like eight pounds.

• 1:35:36Speaker 01

  Well, we, yeah.

• 1:35:37Dax Shepard?

  Go ahead. What did we talk about that I gain and lose weight really quick?

• 1:35:40Speaker 01

  No, that like, I think you're just underweight, like your body wants to weigh more. So of course it's like getting something and it's gonna hoard it.

• 1:35:47Dax Shepard?

  I don't know if you inceptioned me, but I've been eating more.

• 1:35:50Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:35:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I'm not sure.

• 1:35:54Speaker 01

  Is it that, or is it that you're, you got back from New York and you had all this yummy food and now you want yummy food?

• 1:36:00Dax Shepard?

  Well, then I got back down to 194.

• 1:36:02Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:36:03Dax Shepard?

  And then I think vanity, I'm like, I don't like my face at 194.

• 1:36:07Speaker 01

  No, maybe you are having, you know how they call them sympathy pains when a woman is pregnant? And then the man also experiences pains.

• 1:36:18Dax Shepard?

  You know, I gained a crazy amount of weight when Kristen was pregnant the first time.

• 1:36:22Speaker 01

  And you said that was like sympathy weight or something?

• 1:36:25Dax Shepard?

  I just don't know what it was, but I find that every man I know has done that when their wife is pregnant.

• 1:36:30Speaker 01

  Is that just because like the woman is eating more?

• 1:36:33Dax Shepard?

  I think she's like driving it a little more because she's got these weird urges and there's more shit around and maybe that's part of it. And maybe you are like, you know, like if you, I want people to think about this. The next time you're at a booth at a restaurant, talking with somebody, start paying attention to how you inadvertently mirror each other's body language. If someone puts their hand on their, uh, rest of their, their face on their fist, you'll do it. Just be aware of it.

• 1:37:02Speaker 01

  I mean, we don't.

• 1:37:03Dax Shepard?

  In here.

• 1:37:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:37:05Dax Shepard?

  I wonder if we were at a booth at a restaurant, we would.

• 1:37:07Speaker 01

  Oh, thanks.

• 1:37:08Speaker 04

  We had an expert on saying something about dad bod that like the, the husband or the father stores body, fat differently in his body when his wife's pregnant.

• 1:37:18Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 1:37:18Speaker 04

  Knowing that he's not gonna sleep and.

• 1:37:21Dax Shepard?

  Oh, interesting. But my big thing was we were at one of the checkups and I just hadn't been on a scale in like four or five months.

• 1:37:29Speaker 01

  You're right.

• 1:37:29Dax Shepard?

  And I got on, I was like, oh my God, I've gained 22 pounds. I didn't even notice.

• 1:37:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think it's maybe more that like she's eating more.

• 1:37:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:37:38Speaker 01

  There's more on her plate, literally.

• 1:37:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:40Speaker 01

  So then you're just matching that.

• 1:37:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, something happens.

• 1:37:44Speaker 01

  But anyway.

• 1:37:45Dax Shepard?

  It's pretty consistent.

• 1:37:45Speaker 01

  You might be having sympathy.

• 1:37:48Dax Shepard?

  Weight gain?

• 1:37:49Speaker 01

  Weight gain from us all being on our periods.

• 1:37:52Dax Shepard?

  Could be. That's a good story. Whiskers.

• 1:37:56Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. Oh, no, don't.

• 1:37:58Dax Shepard?

  Yes, of course, this is a good story.

• 1:38:01Speaker 01

  Embarrassing for her.

• 1:38:02Dax Shepard?

  For whiskey?

• 1:38:02Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:38:02Dax Shepard?

  I don't need to say who.

• 1:38:03Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. I mean.

• 1:38:07Dax Shepard?

  Why is it embarrassing to have a period?

• 1:38:09Speaker 01

  Embarrassed. Yeah, I'd be embarrassed by that story.

• 1:38:11Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. I don't think she would, but I won't risk it.

• 1:38:14Speaker 01

  Well, there's a woman, but there's only.

• 1:38:16Dax Shepard?

  There's a lot of women in my house.

• 1:38:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:38:18Dax Shepard?

  Nicole's there nonstop. My sister's there nonstop. I got Kristen's there nonstop. Uh, this is a whole bevy of urine and out of there.

• 1:38:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's not me. I do want to make this.

• 1:38:28Dax Shepard?

  Some tampons in those trash cans for sure.

• 1:38:31Speaker 01

  Maybe years ago. I don't really use tampons anymore.

• 1:38:34Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you're over it.

• 1:38:35Speaker 01

  I use period underwear.

• 1:38:37Dax Shepard?

  Okay, that's the rage.

• 1:38:39Speaker 01

  I use period underwear. And there's a lot of rages. People use the cup.

• 1:38:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we talked about this. You don't, you're anti.

• 1:38:45Speaker 01

  I'm just afraid of it. I'm not.

• 1:38:47Dax Shepard?

  And we have a friend we won't honor, but we have a friend in the pod that uses the Diva cup.

• 1:38:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, and she also told us a story of someone she knows. She was at a wedding and a girl's popped it, you know, pop and locked.

• 1:39:01Dax Shepard?

  She was dancing.

• 1:39:01Speaker 01

  She's dancing.

• 1:39:02Dax Shepard?

  And the cup spilled?

• 1:39:03Speaker 01

  It fell out and.

• 1:39:04Dax Shepard?

  On the.

• 1:39:05Speaker 01

  Blood flew everywhere.

• 1:39:07Dax Shepard?

  How does the cup pass your underpants?

• 1:39:10Speaker 01

  She wasn't wearing any.

• 1:39:11Dax Shepard?

  What a kinky broad. She's under period, not wearing undies and on the dance floor popping and locking. Who is this woman? Do I know her?

• 1:39:19Speaker 01

  No. If you're able, I mean, it's like suctioned up there. You should be able to.

• 1:39:23Dax Shepard?

  You should be able to go underwearless to a wedding.

• 1:39:27Speaker 01

  I mean, technically, I, I'm sure when I wore.

• 1:39:29Dax Shepard?

  You don't think that if I did something like that, you'd be like, that's so arrogant. You know you would.

• 1:39:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would say that. But listen, I have, I'm sure. At some point in life, when I was wearing tampons, wore a tampon without an underwear. Oh, definitely. Like at a, at a, on, in a bathing suit.

• 1:39:49Dax Shepard?

  Well, your bathing suit's the underwear. You're not not wearing underwear ever.

• 1:39:54Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:39:54Dax Shepard?

  And then add, then you're on your period and you decide that's when you're gonna not wear your underwear.

• 1:39:58Speaker 01

  Let me tell you why. If you're wearing a certain dress, like, let's say you're going to a wedding or something, and you're wearing a certain dress and you don't want underwear lines, you'd go.

• 1:40:06Dax Shepard?

  Even in the day of the thong and everything, that's still an issue.

• 1:40:09Speaker 01

  Still depending. I mean, there are some good underwears that you can use, but there are certain dresses, like, you can just see it. So there are times that I.

• 1:40:17Dax Shepard?

  I gotta go to more weddings.

• 1:40:19Speaker 01

  There are times that I haven't worn underwear.

• 1:40:23Dax Shepard?

  You raw dog it.

• 1:40:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then.

• 1:40:25Dax Shepard?

  No, commando.

• 1:40:26Speaker 01

  I commando.

• 1:40:27Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:40:27Speaker 01

  And if I'm on my period.

• 1:40:29Dax Shepard?

  Fuck it.

• 1:40:30Speaker 01

  That's a tampon. And I, I'm not worried.

• 1:40:33Dax Shepard?

  Can you think of a specific time ever? Like, this sounds so theoretical. Can you tell me a time you were on your period? Put a tampon in and went out of the house with a dress on and no underwear?

• 1:40:43Speaker 01

  I've been on my period for, I mean.

• 1:40:45Dax Shepard?

  A hundred years.

• 1:40:46Speaker 01

  I mean, since I was 11.

• 1:40:50Speaker 01

  Or 12.

• 1:40:50Dax Shepard?

  You got it at 11?

• 1:40:52Speaker 01

  Or 12. I forget.

• 1:40:53Dax Shepard?

  You live next to a nuclear reactor?

• 1:40:55Speaker 01

  No. I was an early bloomer.

• 1:40:59Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:41:00Speaker 01

  And anyway, I have been on it for a really long time. And then I, I like, I know the feeling of what it is to have a tampon in and not have underwear.

• 1:41:09Dax Shepard?

  In your house? I'm asking, can you think of a, are you, are you telling me right now you have a, you have a memory of going out in a dress?

• 1:41:18Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:41:19Dax Shepard?

  No, on these, on your period?

• 1:41:21Speaker 01

  Yes, I have a sense memory of it. I don't have an actual memory of it, but I have a sense memory. Dax?

• 1:41:28Dax Shepard?

  We have a commitment to each other here?

• 1:41:30Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:41:31Dax Shepard?

  To be honest.

• 1:41:32Speaker 01

  And to believe each other.

• 1:41:35Dax Shepard?

  Feel like you did. You'd either, you gotta say, I did or I didn't.

• 1:41:39Speaker 01

  Well, that's not fair.

• 1:41:41Dax Shepard?

  Okay. I apologize.

• 1:41:44Speaker 01

  Listen, I remember I wore a dress sort of recently that I didn't wear underwear. I do know that and I kind of feel like I was on my period then.

• 1:41:53Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:41:55Speaker 01

  And I think I wore a tampon specifically because I don't really wear tampons anymore. And I remember I had to wear it.

• 1:42:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:02Speaker 01

  Because of this.

• 1:42:03Dax Shepard?

  It's weird. It's weird to say, wear it.

• 1:42:05Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:42:05Dax Shepard?

  Wear a tampon.

• 1:42:06Speaker 01

  I had to put one in.

• 1:42:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Plug, plug.

• 1:42:09Speaker 01

  I was, I will, I would never be worried about popping and locking and the tampon falling out.

• 1:42:15Dax Shepard?

  No, of course. Yeah.

• 1:42:16Speaker 01

  So I can see why the Diva cup, you wouldn't.

• 1:42:18Dax Shepard?

  I have no experience with it, but it seems crazy. There's a cup in there that's relying on a suction seal and that that seal couldn't break. Anyone who's ever used any suction cups.

• 1:42:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:42:29Dax Shepard?

  They're wily.

• 1:42:30Speaker 01

  It's like, I think it's like big. So, so the fact that the whole thing is up there, it does.

• 1:42:35Dax Shepard?

  It's like a teacup?

• 1:42:36Speaker 01

  Like, kind of, I think, but rubbery, I think.

• 1:42:40Dax Shepard?

  But it's big as like a coffee cup?

• 1:42:41Speaker 01

  No, not a.

• 1:42:43Dax Shepard?

  No, it's like a golf ball, maybe.

• 1:42:46Speaker 01

  No, bigger than that.

• 1:42:47Dax Shepard?

  Much bigger than a golf ball. Natalie, Natalie uses them.

• 1:42:50Speaker 01

  She does?

• 1:42:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Did your dog ever eat in it? No. Okay. Well, let me get to the story.

• 1:42:56Speaker 01

  Okay, fine. Tell the story.

• 1:42:57Dax Shepard?

  There's a lot of updates on whiskey.

• 1:42:59Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:42:59Dax Shepard?

  A new update on whiskey is he's a bad to the bone. That doesn't help me because it needs to be next to a bic lighter or something.

• 1:43:07Speaker 01

  Here it is next to.

• 1:43:08Dax Shepard?

  A micro penis?

• 1:43:10Speaker 01

  A tampon.

• 1:43:11Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. So it's the same length as a tamponex. Okay. So whiskey is, you need to know some updates about whiskey.

• 1:43:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:43:18Dax Shepard?

  One thing is he's bad to the bone.

• 1:43:21Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:43:22Dax Shepard?

  He's killed over a hundred men.

• 1:43:25Speaker 01

  What are you talking about?

• 1:43:26Dax Shepard?

  Whiskey's eaten 100 men. He's bad to the bone.

• 1:43:32Speaker 01

  Okay. You just really want to say bad to the bone like.

• 1:43:34Dax Shepard?

  Well, this I wanted to tell you about whiskey.

• 1:43:36Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:43:36Dax Shepard?

  Well, you know, first of all, he was trimp and he was president of the hallway.

• 1:43:39Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:43:40Dax Shepard?

  And I wanted to tell you about that and you seemed to enjoy that.

• 1:43:43Speaker 01

  No, I want to hear about whiskey and I, I know he's bad to the bone.

• 1:43:45Dax Shepard?

  He's, he's eaten 100 men.

• 1:43:50Dax Shepard?

  And 150 women, but he doesn't talk about that.

• 1:43:54Speaker 01

  Ew, he's sounding kind of like a tiger.

• 1:44:00Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so he's bad to the bone.

• 1:44:01Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:44:03Dax Shepard?

  And someone in my household put a tampon in the trash can, which is advisable for your plumbing.

• 1:44:08Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 1:44:09Dax Shepard?

  So I'm on a high five, this unnamed person who put a tampon.

• 1:44:12Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:44:13Dax Shepard?

  Because whiskey's bad to the bone and he loves blood.

• 1:44:17Speaker 01

  Ew.

• 1:44:18Dax Shepard?

  He went and ate the tampon. Okay.

• 1:44:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:44:22Dax Shepard?

  Then, and I am, she won't mind this. I just want you to know, she won't mind this. And this is a big honorable mention because this, I've said this before, my sister Carly is fucking down. When shit needs, when the gnarly stuff needs to get done, my sister will do it.

• 1:44:40Speaker 01

  She will.

• 1:44:40Dax Shepard?

  She is, she's fearless. So they were taking whiskey bad to the bone to, on a walk. And he pooped out half a tampon.

• 1:44:50Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:44:51Dax Shepard?

  And then a little while longer, he pooped out, tried to poop out the rest of the tampon. And now the cord, the string, the rope.

• 1:45:03Dax Shepard?

  And now he's got a rope hanging out of his butt and he's a bastard, right? So you can't get close to him because he's bad.

• 1:45:11Speaker 01

  He'll bite you.

• 1:45:12Dax Shepard?

  Eat you like the hundred men he's eaten. And so Carly's trying to get this fucking thing out of his butt and he's trying to bite her. And this whole thing, it's a battle that I guess she had to take him to her house and put him in the sink and get him warm water on him because he calms down. He gets a bath.

• 1:45:29Speaker 01

  Oh, my.

• 1:45:30Dax Shepard?

  And then she had to pull this thing out of him.

• 1:45:36Dax Shepard?

  These dogs, man.

• 1:45:38Speaker 01

  You are so lucky that your sister did that because he would have died of T S S.

• 1:45:44Dax Shepard?

  That's what, that's what.

• 1:45:47Dax Shepard?

  Kristin goes, is he gonna get toxic shock syndrome? I'm like, no, your butt is so different than your vagina.

• 1:45:54Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:45:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:55Speaker 01

  Maybe hit, hit, we don't know about.

• 1:45:57Dax Shepard?

  Need to get a proctologist on. I don't think you can get toxic shock syndrome in your butthole from a TamPacks.

• 1:46:03Speaker 01

  You can, and it's a tampon.

• 1:46:05Dax Shepard?

  TamPacks is the brand I prefer, kinda like I like Huggies. TamPacks, radiant. They always, man, these ad campaigns, and I tip my hat to them because what a product to have to sell on TV. And you know, they have these commercials and someone's like sailing. They like to put you like in a nautical situation.

• 1:46:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, because that's what you need a tampon when you're in a bathing suit. That's why.

• 1:46:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, this is more, I think, like, oh, it's gonna be a long sailboat ride. I don't know. It's always like someone's in a field and there's a lot of flowers. Like, they're trying to de-stigmatize, I guess, it, keep whiskey away.

• 1:46:42Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:46:43Dax Shepard?

  Um, but yeah, they gotta name it whatever name I just radiant or something. I just, I think they have their work cut out for them and I applaud them.

• 1:46:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:46:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:51Speaker 01

  I get it.

• 1:46:51Dax Shepard?

  God bless them. Laura, you gotta sell Depends.

• 1:46:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:46:54Dax Shepard?

  Hard product to sell.

• 1:46:56Speaker 01

  In some ways, it's a hard product. In some ways, it sells itself. Cause like, you need it, you get it. Yeah.

• 1:47:02Dax Shepard?

  You know, no one's on the fence about getting Depends. Or you either need fucking Depends or you don't.

• 1:47:07Speaker 01

  Well, maybe that's why tampons have had to step up their game because there are competing products.

• 1:47:12Dax Shepard?

  I don't like the branding of this.

• 1:47:15Speaker 01

  Why?

• 1:47:16Dax Shepard?

  Do you like it? Period underwear?

• 1:47:18Speaker 01

  I mean, that's what I call it.

• 1:47:20Dax Shepard?

  Grab my period underwear. Don't you think there's a, like, I think the TamPacks people should take a stab at period underwear? Cause I think they could top it.

• 1:47:27Speaker 01

  Well, it's not all.

• 1:47:28Dax Shepard?

  Like freedom panties or something.

• 1:47:29Speaker 01

  Let me finish, please.

• 1:47:31Dax Shepard?

  So excited to talk about female products.

• 1:47:34Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:47:34Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:47:35Speaker 01

  Um, it's, it's, there are brands, Nyx, Nyx is a brand. So you don't, you don't have to say period underwear. You can say like.

• 1:47:42Dax Shepard?

  My Nyxies.

• 1:47:42Speaker 01

  Sure. Nyxies, regular Nyx.

• 1:47:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's got, it already starts with an X. So I'm, I love it. Is it N I X?

• 1:47:49Speaker 01

  And then there's one.

• 1:47:50Dax Shepard?

  Or is it N I C K N?

• 1:47:51Speaker 01

  K N I X.

• 1:47:53Dax Shepard?

  Well, great. KNI. So like knitting.

• 1:47:55Speaker 01

  And then there's, um, Thinks. That's a huge brand.

• 1:47:59Dax Shepard?

  Another Axe.

• 1:48:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:48:01Dax Shepard?

  Axe is a trusted letter in the vaginal space.

• 1:48:04Speaker 01

  It is. Maybe they are steal, not stealing. Maybe they are.

• 1:48:08Dax Shepard?

  Inspired by.

• 1:48:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. They're building upon.

• 1:48:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the trusted, the trust that these people have tirelessly built with this product that is, you know.

• 1:48:19Speaker 01

  Look, nothing against the tampon industry, but, um, this is better for you.

• 1:48:25Dax Shepard?

  If I was in the ad game, I would want to get put on Tampax. Cause you want to bite off a lot, you know, you like, you want to challenge. It's like, if you're an actor, you want to play someone dying of something or whatever, you know, you want to challenge. And I would like, I think to cut my teeth and make a name for myself, I'd love to just like blow out a Tampax campaign.

• 1:48:48Speaker 01

  Okay. How are you going to get these people back on tampons? The people that have left to the cup.

• 1:48:55Dax Shepard?

  You want me to just nap like right off the cuff?

• 1:48:57Speaker 01

  Yeah. You're in a meeting right now. Here we are. Guys, our sales are plummeting.

• 1:49:02Dax Shepard?

  And why?

• 1:49:03Speaker 01

  Because there's all these competing trends now that, look, I hate to say, and this doesn't leave this room, they're better for the women's bodies.

• 1:49:10Dax Shepard?

  Wait, nothing is better. What if you're sailing?

• 1:49:15Speaker 01

  The cup.

• 1:49:16Dax Shepard?

  You're supposed to carry, what you're trying to tell me is a woman on, in her cycle is supposed to have a purse full of underwear?

• 1:49:24Speaker 01

  No, they'd use.

• 1:49:25Dax Shepard?

  That's not a move for an elegant lady out on the town.

• 1:49:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. See, this is where.

• 1:49:29Dax Shepard?

  You gotta carry extra undies with you?

• 1:49:32Speaker 01

  What are you talking about?

• 1:49:33Dax Shepard?

  Well, once you've, once you've soiled your nicks, just like a tampon, you gotta change it.

• 1:49:39Speaker 01

  Well, no.

• 1:49:40Dax Shepard?

  So you gotta change these undies.

• 1:49:41Speaker 01

  No, you wash it. You, you, you technically rinse it out.

• 1:49:46Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. See, I got a lot to work with here, but hold on.

• 1:49:50Speaker 01

  Also, the cup is different.

• 1:49:51Dax Shepard?

  Are you, forget the cup. We're talking.

• 1:49:53Speaker 01

  That's a huge thing.

• 1:49:54Dax Shepard?

  This is Tampax versus, um, underpants.

• 1:49:56Speaker 01

  Okay, fine.

• 1:49:57Dax Shepard?

  Are you trying to tell me that the day you get your period, you put on a pair of nicks and you leave them on for the duration? Okay, great.

• 1:50:04Speaker 01

  But I leave mine on all day.

• 1:50:06Dax Shepard?

  Even a very heavy, heavy day? I want to be, choose my words carefully.

• 1:50:11Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, I, I do my flow.

• 1:50:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:17Speaker 01

  At its heaviest, one can sustain it.

• 1:50:21Dax Shepard?

  What if you go on a sailboat?

• 1:50:23Speaker 01

  Then I'm wearing a tampon.

• 1:50:24Dax Shepard?

  Bingo. So we build on that for the, for the adventurer. For the person engaged, sure, if you're a couch potato, wear necks. If you want to get out and see the world, if you don't want your period to keep you sidelined on the bench, you still want to go sailing and go to amusement parks.

• 1:50:43Speaker 01

  And get TSS.

• 1:50:44Dax Shepard?

  There's only one brand for you because you can carry extras in your purse discreetly like an elegant lady.

• 1:50:50Speaker 01

  Ew.

• 1:50:51Dax Shepard?

  No one wants to have, no one, you know what I would do is I would have, thank you, Monica. Here we go. I got my pitch. Okay. We start the commercial with a woman in line at an amusement park. Everyone's having a great time. Her child asks her for a sucker. She goes in her purse to get it. The purse comes dislodged and on the ground tumbles five pairs of underpants. She's mortified. And then a girl next to her looks at her purse and she's got tampons in there. And then she winks. Pretty good spot.

• 1:51:25Dax Shepard?

  No one wants underwear to tumble out of their bag.

• 1:51:27Speaker 01

  I would.

• 1:51:28Dax Shepard?

  At the amusement park.

• 1:51:29Speaker 01

  A hundred percent. No one wants tampons to fly everywhere.

• 1:51:33Dax Shepard?

  Well, they want it because they're not humongous like.

• 1:51:35Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:51:35Dax Shepard?

  Like underpants. Or if they think it's a sucker.

• 1:51:38Speaker 01

  No men, all the men off of this campaign immediately. This is so embarrassing and bad. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Every woman has been in a situation where a tampon's fallen out and it's like the most.

• 1:51:52Dax Shepard?

  Mortifying.

• 1:51:53Speaker 01

  It is so upsetting.

• 1:51:55Dax Shepard?

  What would be where?

• 1:51:56Speaker 01

  Falls out of your backpack.

• 1:51:57Dax Shepard?

  I want you to be, please be honest.

• 1:51:59Speaker 01

  I am.

• 1:52:00Dax Shepard?

  You get to choose.

• 1:52:01Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:52:02Dax Shepard?

  You're, you're on a date with this unnamed guy that was at Saturday Night Live. And your purse falls over. And either a gigantic pair of underwear fall out because they're big, right? To cover everything.

• 1:52:15Speaker 01

  Hold on.

• 1:52:15Dax Shepard?

  Am I imagining them correctly?

• 1:52:17Speaker 01

  We're not, okay. I need to take. Okay.

• 1:52:22Dax Shepard?

  You call time.

• 1:52:23Speaker 01

  As we've established, I am currently on my period.

• 1:52:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:52:28Speaker 01

  So.

• 1:52:28Dax Shepard?

  Fuck, where are you keeping all these other underwear?

• 1:52:30Speaker 01

  Exactly. Where do you see, there's no, I'm not carrying any underwear. There's no underwear in my bag. You don't.

• 1:52:36Dax Shepard?

  I think you're reckless. I think you need a backup pair on you. I'm not gonna say who I know. I know someone who wears them and they, they go through a couple of days.

• 1:52:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure. Some people do.

• 1:52:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:52:48Speaker 01

  Same as your tampon.

• 1:52:49Dax Shepard?

  That person has to carry an extra pair of these grundles around. Okay? So we just concede the fact that someone might need to be carrying grundles with them. Now, my question is, your purse falls over at dinner on a date with a boy you like. In either, a very large pair of underwear fall out.

• 1:53:08Speaker 01

  Stop that. They're very, they're not as big as you think. You think they're diapers. They're not.

• 1:53:17Dax Shepard?

  That's another great angle. I'll start calling them dipes.

• 1:53:19Speaker 01

  No, stop.

• 1:53:20Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:53:22Speaker 01

  Listen.

• 1:53:22Dax Shepard?

  I never know when the fun's gonna end.

• 1:53:25Speaker 01

  I've put up with a lot here. Okay?

• 1:53:28Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:53:28Speaker 01

  If this man would rather me get TSS slash have to put cloth up my pussy.

• 1:53:40Dax Shepard?

  Save cotton. Please don't use that word in the campaign. That's all putting one to the consumer.

• 1:53:44Speaker 01

  Pussy or cloth?

• 1:53:45Dax Shepard?

  No, no, that word doesn't work in advertising as much as I wish it did.

• 1:53:50Speaker 01

  Thank you for explaining that to me.

• 1:53:54Speaker 01

  If, if this man, this hot man who I think is kind and nice.

• 1:53:58Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:59Speaker 01

  And from another country, this man is.

• 1:54:03Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that's, you're giving away a lot of clues now.

• 1:54:06Speaker 01

  I think this man from another country really understands that.

• 1:54:11Dax Shepard?

  You better find out.

• 1:54:12Speaker 01

  Americans are crazy.

• 1:54:14Dax Shepard?

  That other country's a lot more buttoned up than this country.

• 1:54:17Speaker 01

  No, but not in this type of area.

• 1:54:19Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yes. Yes.

• 1:54:22Speaker 01

  Tex, you don't know what it's like to be a woman.

• 1:54:25Dax Shepard?

  I know I don't, but I do know the difference between, I won't say the name of the country and our country. And we are much more foul.

• 1:54:31Speaker 01

  Not in the female hygienic space.

• 1:54:34Dax Shepard?

  Guys there are like, ooh, about everything.

• 1:54:37Speaker 01

  No, but in general, I, they wear more pads there.

• 1:54:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:54:44Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so the answer, your answer is?

• 1:54:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:54:48Dax Shepard?

  Lock in the answer, you'd rather have a big pair of underwear fall out than a tampon.

• 1:54:52Speaker 01

  No, that's, I want to get a little more nuanced. I wouldn't, and stop saying, big pair of underwear.

• 1:54:57Dax Shepard?

  They're bigger than the ones you normally wear, right?

• 1:54:59Speaker 01

  They're not.

• 1:55:00Dax Shepard?

  Like, there's a pair you'd be happy to fall out, right? We agree on that?

• 1:55:04Speaker 01

  Listen, I'm currently wearing

• 1:55:06Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:55:07Speaker 01

  A thong, period underwear.

• 1:55:10Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 1:55:11Speaker 01

  This is what I'm saying, you don't understand

• 1:55:14Dax Shepard?

  I haven't seen that product. I've seen different versions.

• 1:55:16Speaker 01

  Yes, and it looks, it has lace.

• 1:55:19Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:55:20Speaker 01

  It looks like underwear.

• 1:55:22Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Okay.

• 1:55:24Speaker 01

  Hot underwear.

• 1:55:25Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great.

• 1:55:26Speaker 01

  Now, what I wouldn't want to happen, I will say, I will say this, what I would not want to happen is my bag falls out.

• 1:55:33Dax Shepard?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:55:34Speaker 01

  Dirty period underwear falls at that.

• 1:55:37Dax Shepard?

  Now, and be honest, you're not gonna pitch them in the fucking trash can when you switch

• 1:55:42Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:55:42Dax Shepard?

  grundles in the turlit. So, yeah, there's, you could be in a situation where you're carrying

• 1:55:47Speaker 01

  I'm personally not, though.

• 1:55:50Dax Shepard?

  Used.

• 1:55:50Speaker 01

  So, I can't.

• 1:55:51Dax Shepard?

  But for the person who does have to change midday, they have to carry that around. So, okay, they clearly now, they also have to carry a Ziploc bag. Great product. I wish I was on that campaign. I swear by Ziploc's. Now, they have, not only do they have this, you know.

• 1:56:08Speaker 01

  Go on.

• 1:56:10Dax Shepard?

  A pair of underwear. I'll leave it at that.

• 1:56:12Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:56:13Dax Shepard?

  That are soiled.

• 1:56:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:56:16Dax Shepard?

  In his Ziploc bag.

• 1:56:17Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:56:18Dax Shepard?

  I mean, now, this is a little, this is crazy, because the guy who's not as hip

• 1:56:23Speaker 01

  Be careful what you're saying.

• 1:56:24Dax Shepard?

  and is a feminist like me, who I already know about all these products.

• 1:56:27Speaker 01

  You do not.

• 1:56:28Dax Shepard?

  But for the untrained guy.

• 1:56:29Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:56:31Dax Shepard?

  He sees a pair of undies in a Ziploc bag, Monica, I'll tell you a thousand percent what he thinks happened. She shit herself.

• 1:56:38Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:56:39Dax Shepard?

  That's a Ziploc bag full of shitty underwear.

• 1:56:41Speaker 01

  Okay, and is it hot?

• 1:56:44Dax Shepard?

  Well, now you're, now you're, that's an interesting counter.

• 1:56:47Speaker 01

  See, now, listen, this is what I, yes, would I rather?

• 1:56:53Speaker 01

  A little tampon.

• 1:56:54Dax Shepard?

  Delicate.

• 1:56:55Speaker 01

  It's not delicate.

• 1:56:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's inspirational. What was it called?

• 1:56:58Speaker 01

  Radiant.

• 1:56:59Dax Shepard?

  Radiant. A radiant tampon falls out.

• 1:57:01Speaker 01

  It falls out. Yes, I would prefer that to dirty period underwear falling out at a restaurant.

• 1:57:08Dax Shepard?

  In a Ziploc bag.

• 1:57:09Speaker 01

  Better in a Ziploc bag at least than on its own.

• 1:57:13Dax Shepard?

  But it says they pooped themselves.

• 1:57:18Speaker 01

  If that happened, the underwear Ziploc bag slash regular stinky underwear.

• 1:57:22Dax Shepard?

  When it happens.

• 1:57:25Speaker 01

  You, I would say, uh, that's embarrassing that.

• 1:57:31Speaker 01

  Oh no, this is like David Chang all over again. No, I wouldn't dress it. I would address it. I'd be like.

• 1:57:36Dax Shepard?

  And there's flies too. Just.

• 1:57:39Dax Shepard?

  There's immediately, there's a fucking swarm. In fact, before he even sees it, he hears, whoa, is there a swarm? I heard a swarm of flies.

• 1:57:49Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:57:50Dax Shepard?

  And then whiskey runs across the restaurant.

• 1:57:52Speaker 01

  Oh my God. I would say.

• 1:57:56Speaker 01

  I, I don't wear tampons anymore because they're not good for you.

• 1:58:00Dax Shepard?

  Oh, and I'd say, I'm so glad you're taking care of yourself.

• 1:58:04Speaker 01

  Exactly. And that's the end of that.

• 1:58:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:58:07Speaker 01

  Don't you think?

• 1:58:08Dax Shepard?

  Well, okay, say, say that again.

• 1:58:10Speaker 01

  Oh, so that's so embarrassed. I'm so embarrassed. I just don't wear tampons anymore because they're not great for you, for women's bodies.

• 1:58:19Dax Shepard?

  And because you're not, you don't wear tampons anymore, you, you had an, you pooped your pants?

• 1:58:23Speaker 01

  Oh no, is that what you think?

• 1:58:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, because it's in Ziploc.

• 1:58:26Speaker 01

  Oh, no, no, sorry. Sorry. It's just, it's just period underwear.

• 1:58:31Dax Shepard?

  I'm starving. Let's see the dessert.

• 1:58:35Speaker 01

  I hate men.

• 1:58:39Speaker 01

  All men off the campaign now.

• 1:58:42Dax Shepard?

  Let's see what kind of appetizers they got.

• 1:58:44Speaker 01

  You're not deterred.

• 1:58:45Dax Shepard?

  Can we have a can of Raid?

• 1:58:46Speaker 01

  Like you aren't having sex with people on their period.

• 1:58:48Dax Shepard?

  Oh, absolutely. I love it. I love it.

• 1:58:51Speaker 01

  Please.

• 1:58:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. One of my, yeah, I'll leave that there. Yeah. Yes, of course. I don't give a shit. I also don't care if you have shitty underwear in your purse. But I do think I'm a rare, rare customer.

• 1:59:03Speaker 01

  I think you're probably a rare customer. But, um.

• 1:59:08Dax Shepard?

  I would be like, oh, so glad you're shit, your pants. Now I gotta tell you about 25 stories.

• 1:59:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:59:16Speaker 01

  Look, it's tough.

• 1:59:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Okay. Well, Mother's Day is right around the corner, so think about getting mom, either of these options, whatever you found would be a compelling argument.

• 1:59:27Speaker 01

  We've said three now, Diva cup.

• 1:59:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:59:30Speaker 01

  Underwear.

• 1:59:31Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, choice is yours. If you're a poppin locker, you wear dresses, these are all things you gotta consider.

• 1:59:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:59:37Dax Shepard?

  They're great. I'm just having fun.

• 1:59:38Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:59:40Dax Shepard?

  I'm having a good time and you were too.

• 1:59:42Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:59:45Speaker 01

  Um, okay. So anyway, she pulled the tampon right out of there.

• 1:59:49Dax Shepard?

  She's such a gangster, Carly.

• 1:59:50Speaker 01

  And you think there was now poop in there too?

• 1:59:53Dax Shepard?

  If I ever got in a situation where I had accidentally killed somebody and it was one of these scenarios where it's like, there's no way I can, my story's not gonna hold up. Like literally the choices are, it was an accident, A.

• 2:00:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:00:06Dax Shepard?

  And my choices are, call the police and go to prison forever because it looks insane.

• 2:00:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:00:11Dax Shepard?

  Or get rid of the body.

• 2:00:12Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 2:00:13Dax Shepard?

  And I can't do it myself. I do need one person.

• 2:00:15Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:00:16Dax Shepard?

  And Aaron's in Detroit.

• 2:00:17Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 2:00:19Dax Shepard?

  Um, I'm calling Carly.

• 2:00:21Speaker 01

  I, I, that's.

• 2:00:22Dax Shepard?

  That's the right call, right?

• 2:00:23Speaker 01

  I mean, I'm upset, obviously.

• 2:00:26Dax Shepard?

  But that's not your lane.

• 2:00:27Speaker 01

  Well, cleaning up bodies.

• 2:00:29Dax Shepard?

  Cutting up a body.

• 2:00:30Speaker 01

  Oh, it's cutting up. I thought we were burying it or putting it in the ocean or something.

• 2:00:33Dax Shepard?

  It's Robert Durst.

• 2:00:36Speaker 01

  Okay. Yeah, I'd rather not.

• 2:00:38Dax Shepard?

  Right. You know, there's other calls you'd rather.

• 2:00:40Speaker 01

  I would keep it a secret.

• 2:00:42Dax Shepard?

  Yes, I would trust you to tell you this happened.

• 2:00:44Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:00:45Dax Shepard?

  But I'm talking about the dirty business.

• 2:00:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. I'm just also not very strong, even though I've been doing my farmer's carries.

• 2:00:52Dax Shepard?

  Intermanually.

• 2:00:53Speaker 01

  I did them last night.

• 2:00:54Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you did?

• 2:00:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:00:54Dax Shepard?

  Oh, good. While you were watching ER?

• 2:00:56Speaker 01

  No, when I was going to and from. I just do it when I see them. I know.

• 2:01:02Dax Shepard?

  Do you ever do them on your way to get another glass of wine?

• 2:01:06Speaker 01

  Right there. I mean, I can't say I haven't done them after a night out.

• 2:01:11Dax Shepard?

  Sure. Well, of course, because you're feeling stronger than you are. You're feeling like overly confident.

• 2:01:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think I actually am ready. So I have been doing two 40s.

• 2:01:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:01:20Speaker 01

  I think I might be ready to move up.

• 2:01:22Dax Shepard?

  Good.

• 2:01:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:01:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:01:24Speaker 01

  But I'm not.

• 2:01:24Dax Shepard?

  I told you.

• 2:01:24Speaker 01

  I'm not going very far. How far are you supposed to go?

• 2:01:29Dax Shepard?

  Longer than to your kitchen, probably.

• 2:01:31Speaker 01

  Well, I go back and forth until it feels like it's really falling out of my hand.

• 2:01:35Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:01:36Speaker 01

  You think that's bad?

• 2:01:37Dax Shepard?

  I think you can look up, I want to say they're supposed to last either 30 seconds or a minute.

• 2:01:42Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:01:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:01:44Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:01:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I don't do them. So I don't, I don't know.

• 2:01:48Speaker 01

  All right, I'll look it up.

• 2:01:49Dax Shepard?

  Okay, you want to do facts and get a haircut?

• 2:01:50Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, I do.

• 2:01:51Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great.

• 2:01:54Dax Shepard?

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare. We get support from Superhuman. Look, I love what I do. The conversations, the ideas, the creative stuff. But there's this whole other layer of work that eats my day alive. The inbox that never ends, docs I need to get through, threads I'm behind on. And by the time I've dealt with all that, the stuff I actually want to focus on gets whatever's left. What I needed was something that just works where I'm already working. Not another tab to open, not another thing to set up. Superhuman Go from the makers of Grammarly is different. It's already right there inside your email, your docs, your browser. You don't go to it. It's already working alongside you.

• 2:02:37Dax Shepard?

  You're deep in a long thread, highlight it, and it pulls the key points. About to send something important? It flags what doesn't add up before it leaves your hands. It knows your style, your workflows, and it just backs you up without getting in the way. A thought partner that's already up to speed at your service, not after your job. So do yourself a favor and try Superhuman Go from the makers of Grammarly. Find out more at superhuman.com.

• 2:03:10Dax Shepard?

  Well, I'm just gonna start by saying this will be my first haircut I've ever given sitting down.

• 2:03:15Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 2:03:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:03:16Speaker 01

  Oh, you like to stand?

• 2:03:18Dax Shepard?

  Well, have you? No one's ever cut your hair sitting down, right? This is crazy.

• 2:03:22Speaker 01

  Huh.

• 2:03:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, but it's okay.

• 2:03:24Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:03:25Dax Shepard?

  All right. So first, I'm gonna start by grooming you.

• 2:03:29Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:03:30Dax Shepard?

  Okay, don't forget to do the facts, though.

• 2:03:31Speaker 01

  Oh, I forgot.

• 2:03:33Dax Shepard?

  That's also your job for the listener.

• 2:03:35Speaker 01

  I already forgot.

• 2:03:35Dax Shepard?

  Like, if you're watching, this will be fun, even if you're not giving facts. But for the listener, you're gonna have to give your facts.

• 2:03:42Speaker 01

  Okay, I just really like it when people brush my hair.

• 2:03:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I bet you probably never want the haircut to start.

• 2:03:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, can we do?

• 2:03:48Dax Shepard?

  I can see why you want to trim. There's, yeah, you have some strays.

• 2:03:52Speaker 01

  It's real, it's gotten really out of control.

• 2:03:55Dax Shepard?

  And a lot of them are kind of mid-level, so that's a little tricky.

• 2:03:57Speaker 01

  Those are the layers.

• 2:04:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, well, okay, we're, we're gonna start. We're gonna start at the bottom.

• 2:04:05Speaker 01

  Do you want me to do anything with my head?

• 2:04:07Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 2:04:08Speaker 01

  Okay, great.

• 2:04:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:04:09Speaker 01

  Okay, now, the facts.

• 2:04:13Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, tell me about the facts.

• 2:04:14Speaker 01

  Tell me when you're making your first cut.

• 2:04:16Dax Shepard?

  I already did.

• 2:04:16Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. Were you not scared? What happened?

• 2:04:19Dax Shepard?

  Fucking cut myself.

• 2:04:21Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 2:04:22Dax Shepard?

  You know why? I always, I cut like this, Monica. I cut like this. And because your hair is down here, I have to cut like this and I just cut my finger.

• 2:04:30Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 2:04:31Dax Shepard?

  We're gonna continue on.

• 2:04:32Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 2:04:33Dax Shepard?

  Get me one of your, what, Nyx? We'll wrap a Nyx around this.

• 2:04:36Speaker 01

  In my bag.

• 2:04:37Dax Shepard?

  How absorbent it is.

• 2:04:38Speaker 01

  Okay. Um, are you sure you're okay?

• 2:04:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 2:04:41Speaker 01

  Okay. Um, now, this is from Mo.

• 2:04:44Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wonderful. Mo Hammer.

• 2:04:45Speaker 01

  Mo Hammer. This was a great episode. Really interesting life.

• 2:04:51Dax Shepard?

  Uh, yeah, incredible.

• 2:04:53Speaker 01

  We've had, we've had a few people on lately with really interesting lives.

• 2:04:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, John.

• 2:04:58Speaker 01

  John Bernthal, Mo. That's it.

• 2:05:02Dax Shepard?

  And that's where it's.

• 2:05:04Speaker 01

  Pretty much it. Um, okay. Now, I have to check myself. I said that we had someone on Armchair Anonymous who told a story about how they pooped in the aisle of a plane and it got everywhere and it got on the flight attendant.

• 2:05:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I didn't remember that story when you told it. Did that not check out?

• 2:05:26Speaker 01

  No, it happened, but it was the flight attendant called. It was flight attendant stories.

• 2:05:32Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. Okay, that makes more sense.

• 2:05:34Speaker 01

  Or plane stories or something and she told it from her perspective. She's the one that got pooped on.

• 2:05:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 2:05:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:05:40Dax Shepard?

  As if the job's not thankless enough already.

• 2:05:43Speaker 01

  I know. It's one of your main, um.

• 2:05:46Dax Shepard?

  Defenders.

• 2:05:47Speaker 01

  Stick up force.

• 2:05:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I enter, I enter the plane a little bit self fulfilling prophecy. I'm, I'm suspicious someone's gonna try to be mean to them.

• 2:05:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, you want it to happen, really.

• 2:05:59Dax Shepard?

  I don't, but I'm, but I'm looking for it and you find what you're looking for.

• 2:06:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:06:03Dax Shepard?

  That's like the best way to sum it up.

• 2:06:05Speaker 01

  How's it going with the haircut?

• 2:06:07Dax Shepard?

  Pretty good.

• 2:06:07Speaker 01

  Okay, great.

• 2:06:08Dax Shepard?

  Bleeding pretty good, but that's okay.

• 2:06:09Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 2:06:10Dax Shepard?

  It's okay. It's okay.

• 2:06:11Speaker 01

  Should we put the ca-?

• 2:06:13Dax Shepard?

  At some point, I'll put a, I'll put a Band-Aid on it for sure. It's gonna get a Band-Aid.

• 2:06:17Speaker 01

  Okay, well, do we wanna cauterize it?

• 2:06:19Dax Shepard?

  With a chemical cauterization.

• 2:06:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, that we just learned about.

• 2:06:22Dax Shepard?

  That we just learned about.

• 2:06:23Speaker 01

  That's an Easter egg for Armchair Anonymous. And it's a dick.

• 2:06:28Dax Shepard?

  It is a bit.

• 2:06:30Speaker 01

  Okay, when do Michael Che and Colin Jost do their like swappy?

• 2:06:38Dax Shepard?

  Where they write jokes for one another?

• 2:06:39Speaker 01

  Uh huh. That happened at Christmas. They might do it more, but that was at Christmas.

• 2:06:45Dax Shepard?

  Seems to be the Christmas present they give us.

• 2:06:47Speaker 01

  Yes. And then last time they did it, they would talked about Scarlett's vagina and it it

• 2:06:54Speaker 01

  caused some, caused some issues. Oh my God, Max, hold on.

• 2:07:00Dax Shepard?

  No, no, no, keep going. I just showed Monica the blood. It's okay. I just dabbed it and got a bunch of hair inside of it.

• 2:07:06Speaker 01

  Wait.

• 2:07:07Dax Shepard?

  Everything's fine. Everything, no, everything's fine. Continue on.

• 2:07:12Dax Shepard?

  Nothing's happened.

• 2:07:13Speaker 01

  I'm nervous for you.

• 2:07:15Dax Shepard?

  Don't be nervous.

• 2:07:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:07:18Dax Shepard?

  This is not my first time bleeding.

• 2:07:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I caught, I feel bad.

• 2:07:21Dax Shepard?

  I think, you know what happened? This is God smiting me for all the period talk.

• 2:07:27Dax Shepard?

  Now he's given me a lot of blood. Well, her. Now we know God's a woman and she has smited me.

• 2:07:34Speaker 01

  You're right. It is a ding ding ding.

• 2:07:37Dax Shepard?

  Wait, can we pause for one second? I am gonna get a bandage. I'm gonna have to pull out the layers a little bit.

• 2:07:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:07:41Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great.

• 2:07:44Speaker 01

  I might have one in my bag.

• 2:07:45Speaker 04

  Do you want me to go grab one? Is Carly inside? She probably is, yeah. Yeah, I'll go grab one. Okay.

• 2:07:49Speaker 01

  Be careful not to get any blood on your white shirt.

• 2:07:55Dax Shepard?

  I tried not to get blood on my white shirt.

• 2:07:56Speaker 01

  Are you so far happy with the cut?

• 2:07:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I mean, no, we're just, we're just, no.

• 2:08:03Speaker 01

  Cause we just started. Okay, okay, okay. Don't be upset. Don't get upset. Okay.

• 2:08:09Speaker 01

  Now, why shouldn't adults get their tonsils removed? They will experience more pain and slower healing compared to children. And there's a higher chance of complications like bleeding or infections.

• 2:08:23Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:08:25Dax Shepard?

  I am gonna have to get your hair. Your hair's gonna look crazy in this interview.

• 2:08:29Speaker 01

  Great.

• 2:08:29Dax Shepard?

  Or not interview, but fact check. Cause I'm gonna have to flop over the, um, the layers.

• 2:08:34Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:08:34Dax Shepard?

  Over the back of your head.

• 2:08:35Speaker 01

  I don't even know what that means. Cause like, that's haircutting lingo.

• 2:08:40Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:08:41Speaker 01

  Um. Yes, so I still don't really understand it like it must be the size of the tonsils would be my guess.

• 2:08:54Dax Shepard?

  Right, the bleeding's the issue?

• 2:08:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's like bleeding, but you'd think a kid's tonsils would lead to more bleeding.

• 2:09:02Dax Shepard?

  Here's what I'm saying, you're gonna have to deal with that.

• 2:09:04Speaker 01

  Oh, do you want me to hold it?

• 2:09:06Dax Shepard?

  No, that's okay. Get a little blood in there.

• 2:09:08Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:09:09Dax Shepard?

  Great, our next area.

• 2:09:13Speaker 01

  Okay, now, when did the US enter the Gulf War?

• 2:09:21Dax Shepard?

  January 1st, 1991.

• 2:09:23Speaker 01

  January 16th, 1991.

• 2:09:25Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. God, I really thought it was like right on my birthday.

• 2:09:29Speaker 01

  I mean, close.

• 2:09:32Speaker 01

  Maybe they were about to, so they probably talked about it.

• 2:09:36Speaker 01

  Okay, now the Kuwaiti citizenship thing.

• 2:09:40Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna give your hairstylist credit, this is a complicated cut you have.

• 2:09:43Speaker 01

  It is?

• 2:09:44Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:09:45Speaker 01

  That's Jenny, that's why.

• 2:09:46Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, that makes.

• 2:09:49Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 2:09:50Speaker 05

  He comes in and he goes, "Dad, your dad cut his finger, we have a band-aid."

• 2:09:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, give me a band-aid.

• 2:09:56Speaker 05

  And I was like, "What?" And he was like, "Cutting Monica's hair." And I was like, "What?"

• 2:10:01Dax Shepard?

  What's happening now on this show?

• 2:10:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is, I think, what we refer to as jumping the shark.

• 2:10:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, this may be the last successful episode of the show.

• 2:10:12Speaker 05

  Oh, my God!

• 2:10:13Speaker 01

  I know, he really did it.

• 2:10:15Speaker 05

  Monica's hair's in it.

• 2:10:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's what I told her.

• 2:10:17Speaker 01

  We should, do we want to rinse it off?

• 2:10:19Dax Shepard?

  We'll do that afterwards, I just need to stop it so I can finish this haircut.

• 2:10:25Speaker 05

  Why did you let him do this?

• 2:10:27Speaker 01

  Well, I actually, I asked, I asked for it. You should have seen my hair, it was way too long. Right? They're really bad.

• 2:10:36Dax Shepard?

  All right, I love you.

• 2:10:37Speaker 01

  Thank you, Lincoln.

• 2:10:38Dax Shepard?

  I love you, hide your face.

• 2:10:42Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:10:44Speaker 01

  I'll do my, I can't guarantee it. But I'll try.

• 2:10:48Dax Shepard?

  Do you know, I was telling Monica that Whiskey's a very bad man who killed 100 men.

• 2:10:55Speaker 01

  You said he's bad, bad to the bone.

• 2:10:57Dax Shepard?

  She doesn't like it.

• 2:10:58Speaker 01

  Well, no, I just don't like, well, as you know, I have my struggles with whiskey.

• 2:11:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, everybody does.

• 2:11:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:11:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, there's nothing to me about that. He's a prick, as the whole family will tell you.

• 2:11:08Speaker 05

  But he's killed 150 women and he doesn't even care.

• 2:11:12Dax Shepard?

  He doesn't talk about that. I think he's ashamed that he's killed that many women.

• 2:11:17Speaker 01

  Well, that's a nice way.

• 2:11:18Speaker 05

  More than men.

• 2:11:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, like, men deserve to get killed.

• 2:11:21Speaker 05

  I took it, I took it as like, he's so proud of himself that he did that, that's like an unspoken.

• 2:11:26Speaker 01

  Like, he doesn't even.

• 2:11:27Dax Shepard?

  Like, it's tougher to kill the men.

• 2:11:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:11:31Speaker 05

  That he did all that.

• 2:11:32Speaker 01

  Ugh, like, he doesn't even think it's a brag.

• 2:11:35Speaker 05

  Exactly, so he doesn't mention it.

• 2:11:37Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna be honest with you, like, this is gonna be fine, and you're gonna need to see Jenny when you get home.

• 2:11:41Speaker 01

  Okay, I will.

• 2:11:44Speaker 01

  Great.

• 2:11:47Speaker 01

  Great. Shout out Jenny Cho.

• 2:11:50Dax Shepard?

  Best hairstylist.

• 2:11:51Speaker 01

  Alive.

• 2:11:52Speaker 05

  Okay, well, I'll let you guys continue.

• 2:11:54Speaker 01

  Thanks, Link.

• 2:11:56Dax Shepard?

  Thanks for saving the day. The show will go on.

• 2:11:59Speaker 01

  It must.

• 2:12:02Speaker 05

  Okay, bye.

• 2:12:03Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 2:12:04Dax Shepard?

  Bye, sweetie.

• 2:12:05Speaker 05

  Love you.

• 2:12:06Speaker 01

  Okay, now, back to the fa- how's the blood?

• 2:12:10Dax Shepard?

  Um, blood's done. We're all done with blood.

• 2:12:12Speaker 01

  Great, it didn't bleed through the Band-Aid?

• 2:12:14Dax Shepard?

  Nope.

• 2:12:15Speaker 01

  Great.

• 2:12:15Dax Shepard?

  It's not like that penis story. I don't think I'll need a chemical cauterization.

• 2:12:19Speaker 01

  Okay. Um, now, I asked AI about the Kuwaiti passports and stuff.

• 2:12:28Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:12:28Speaker 01

  And citizenship. And I, it said, "In general, no, being born in Kuwait does not automatically grant you Kuwait citizenship or a passport." Kuwait follows a "Ju Song Winess," that means "right of blood principle," rather than "Ju Soli," right of the soil. This means that citizenship is typically passed through Kuwaiti parents, not by birthplace. A child born in Kuwait to non-Kuwaiti parents does not automatically qualify for Kuwaiti citizenship or a passport. There are very limited exceptions. If a child is born to unknown parents, or in specific cases where the father is unknown, but the mother is Kuwaiti, but those are rare.

• 2:13:08Dax Shepard?

  Great.

• 2:13:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:13:10Dax Shepard?

  I mean, not great. If you're born there, I feel like you should be a citizen.

• 2:13:13Speaker 01

  Oh, me too.

• 2:13:14Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. So not great, but great.

• 2:13:16Speaker 01

  Not great, but great for the information.

• 2:13:18Dax Shepard?

  Great to find out, yeah.

• 2:13:19Speaker 01

  Yeah. Let's see, the Peabodies. Do you think maybe we'll get a Peabody for this fact check?

• 2:13:24Dax Shepard?

  Oh, this might be the one. I mean, I bled for this episode.

• 2:13:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, you sure did. And, yeah, and so did I.

• 2:13:33Dax Shepard?

  Quite a bit of blood. Oh, yeah, we're both bleeding. Rob, you got any blood back there? Not yet.

• 2:13:39Speaker 01

  Okay, the George Foster Peabody Awards, or simply Peabody Awards, or the Peabodies, named for the American businessman and philanthropist George Peabody, honor what are described as the most powerful, enlightening, and invigorating stories in all of television, radio, and online media. Because of their academic affiliation and reputation for discernment, the awards are held in high esteem with the media industry. And as I told you, they are presented by the Grady College of Journalism and Mass Communications at the University of Georgia. Ding ding ding.

• 2:14:13Dax Shepard?

  Dingos.

• 2:14:14Speaker 01

  And we still don't have one, even though that's the case, which is pretty upsetting.

• 2:14:18Dax Shepard?

  Doubly embarrassing for us.

• 2:14:19Speaker 01

  It really is.

• 2:14:20Dax Shepard?

  That we should have a home court advantage and still no Peabody.

• 2:14:23Speaker 01

  And they, when you're in college there and you're part of the journalism school, which technically I was, because my PR degree was with Grady, you could apply and basically audition slash try out to be one of, they had like student judges. And I did that, and I did not get chosen.

• 2:14:46Dax Shepard?

  You could have been a voice in the Peabodies?

• 2:14:48Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 2:14:49Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow.

• 2:14:50Speaker 01

  Anthony got picked.

• 2:14:51Dax Shepard?

  Oh, God, he is. I'm impressed you're friends with him.

• 2:14:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, it speaks to my...

• 2:14:56Dax Shepard?

  Because he kind of blows you away in a lot of these competitive situations, and you still love him, because he just killed you at major dong.

• 2:15:02Speaker 01

  Mahjong, yes, he did. He did. He won like three out of three games.

• 2:15:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess that's true friendship.

• 2:15:12Dax Shepard?

  It is, it is. That's how I felt about Aaron. Like Aaron was just so much physically superior to me in everything boy related as a kid. His coordination and his athleticism was off the charts. Like, we both tried out for the basketball team in seventh grade, and I didn't make it, and he didn't even want to do it, and he made it, and then he just didn't play.

• 2:15:29Speaker 01

  Sure. Oh, that reminds me of an even worse thing that happened.

• 2:15:35Dax Shepard?

  With Anthony?

• 2:15:35Speaker 01

  No, with Callie. So, when I lived in-

• 2:15:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I remember this story.

• 2:15:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:15:40Dax Shepard?

  I think, what was it?

• 2:15:42Speaker 01

  When I lived in Atlanta after college, and I had an agent and was trying to work in Atlanta before I moved to LA, um, you know, the auditions that come through aren't that frequent.

• 2:15:54Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 2:15:55Speaker 01

  So, it feels like there's a lot of pressure on them. There was a commercial audition for, I don't remember, it was a fast food brand company, and, um, and they basically said, like, bring a friend to the audition, because you needed to, like, be interacting with someone in it.

• 2:16:17Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 2:16:18Speaker 01

  And she booked it.

• 2:16:22Dax Shepard?

  And she didn't want to be there.

• 2:16:22Speaker 01

  No, she wasn't there to act. She was there to just be there with me and do this thing, and then she booked it. I'm pretty sure I did cry about that.

• 2:16:33Dax Shepard?

  You did.

• 2:16:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think so.

• 2:16:35Dax Shepard?

  Oh, but you guys made it.

• 2:16:36Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. I didn't blame her. Even then, I didn't blame her. But I was like, man, I suck.

• 2:16:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, non-actor beat me.

• 2:16:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:16:45Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, that's, that's rough.

• 2:16:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:16:47Dax Shepard?

  I'm sorry that happened.

• 2:16:48Speaker 01

  Thank you. You just gotta stick with it, you know?

• 2:16:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, war of attrition.

• 2:16:54Dax Shepard?

  Well, we've cleaned up the back.

• 2:16:56Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:16:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I mean, again, Jenny is, she's gonna need to come in here, but, um, I'm just do, I'm just, I'm gonna flit around a little bit.

• 2:17:04Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah, because you said you like to be playful.

• 2:17:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, and I'm gonna try to clean up just some of these strays.

• 2:17:09Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:17:10Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna tell you right now, you are free of gray hair, which, that's nice.

• 2:17:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:17:16Dax Shepard?

  Good for you.

• 2:17:17Speaker 01

  Did you pull any out?

• 2:17:18Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 2:17:19Speaker 01

  You didn't see any? That's good.

• 2:17:20Dax Shepard?

  No, I mean, there's some that are like a slightly different color, right?

• 2:17:24Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 2:17:25Dax Shepard?

  But they're not, they're not gray. I don't know how to do this, but let me just take a look at the side here a little bit.

• 2:17:33Dax Shepard?

  We did not touch the sides, which conventionally you want to cut the whole hair.

• 2:17:38Speaker 01

  Oh, is that normal?

• 2:17:39Dax Shepard?

  That's what I've been told.

• 2:17:41Speaker 01

  Okay. Are you regretful right now that you didn't take this opportunity to shave one side of my hair?

• 2:17:48Speaker 01

  Stop!

• 2:17:53Dax Shepard?

  I can't believe you guessed this. I brought this down in my pocket.

• 2:18:05Dax Shepard?

  I was like, is she gonna see this thing hanging out of my pocket? This whole thing was leading up. No, this whole thing was leading up to freaking you out and just going.

• 2:18:14Speaker 01

  It really feels like you're doing it. Stop, stop, stop. Did you get some?

• 2:18:21Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 2:18:26Dax Shepard?

  Okay, well, it's a little healthier back here.

• 2:18:28Speaker 01

  What about this part I'm holding?

• 2:18:29Dax Shepard?

  I already did that. That's why you were holding it.

• 2:18:31Speaker 01

  Oh, phew. Okay, so it's done?

• 2:18:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. I mean, I should probably just quickly look over here. I didn't look anywhere over here. Let me just quickly

• 2:18:41Dax Shepard?

  see what we got over here.

• 2:18:46Dax Shepard?

  What if I fucking shaved the side ear? And you are so mad.

• 2:18:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:18:51Dax Shepard?

  And then you looked in the mirror and you were like, fuck, I look awesome.

• 2:18:55Speaker 01

  I mean, this was your opportunity.

• 2:18:58Dax Shepard?

  Well, there'll be others. You're cheap. No, you're not even cheap. You're lazy.

• 2:19:04Speaker 01

  I've been trying to coordinate with Jenny for like a month.

• 2:19:08Dax Shepard?

  All right.

• 2:19:09Speaker 01

  Oh, my gosh. Okay.

• 2:19:11Dax Shepard?

  All right.

• 2:19:12Speaker 01

  It's.

• 2:19:13Dax Shepard?

  It's a little better.

• 2:19:14Speaker 01

  It's definitely less straggly. Yeah.

• 2:19:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it was. It was a little wispy. It was a little too wispy.

• 2:19:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, nice. How do I look?

• 2:19:22Dax Shepard?

  That's an improvement. Yeah, yeah, it's better.

• 2:19:25Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:19:25Dax Shepard?

  Again, you need to see Jenny.

• 2:19:26Speaker 01

  Rob, what do you think?

• 2:19:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it looks good.

• 2:19:29Speaker 01

  Okay, great. Yeah, it looks gorgeous. All right. Well, that was great.

• 2:19:34Dax Shepard?

  All right, Rob, sit down.

• 2:19:37Dax Shepard?

  Now I can actually do a good job.

• 2:19:39Speaker 01

  I think you did a good job.

• 2:19:41Dax Shepard?

  I did a fair job. You have way less split ends.

• 2:19:43Speaker 01

  Great. All right. That's it.

• 2:19:46Dax Shepard?

  Love you.

• 2:19:46Speaker 01

  Love you.