Armchair Anonymous: Bad Teacher

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a bad teacher. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Miniature Mouse.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 0:06Dax Shepard?

  Today we have one of your favorite things, but not the right version of it. You love teachers.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  Oh, I do love.

• 0:12Dax Shepard?

  But these are bad.

• 0:13Speaker 01

  Oh, I don't like bad teachers.

• 0:16Dax Shepard?

  You like some bad teachers.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Depends on what we're calling bad.

• 0:21Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Well, this is bad teachers.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  These guys are baddies.

• 0:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, their baddies are no good. We gotta get them out of the school. Please enjoy Bad Teachers. We get support from Quince.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.

• 0:42Dax Shepard?

  I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers. Give me the boots. Give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up and everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking a hundred percent Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  $60, $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories. They skip the middlemen and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.

• 1:22Dax Shepard?

  The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time and he looks iconic.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  It's a uniform.

• 1:32Dax Shepard?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully designed furniture. You can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.

• 1:50Dax Shepard?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. This episode is presented by YouTube Premium. YouTube was already great, but Premium supercharges it. If you like YouTube, you'll love Premium. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. Now let's get into today's episode.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  Hi Joey.

• 2:52Dax Shepard?

  What a great trick for me.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  Why?

• 2:54Dax Shepard?

  Cause I knew we were gonna talk to Joey. So I was like, oh, it's gonna be a boy who's trying to play up Monica's love for friends.

• 3:01Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 3:02Dax Shepard?

  I quickly whipped up a whole scenario.

• 3:04Speaker 02

  It is based off of a different show though.

• 3:06Dax Shepard?

  It is? It's a test.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  Okay, hold on. Is it from Blossom or the other one connected to Blossom?

• 3:15Speaker 02

  No.

• 3:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 3:18Speaker 02

  What about an ocean? Something with the ocean.

• 3:20Dax Shepard?

  You got Joe versus the volcano.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  No, it's a show.

• 3:23Dax Shepard?

  It's a show.

• 3:24Speaker 01

  Mermaids. Is it about those Australian mermaids?

• 3:27Dax Shepard?

  Oh my goodness. Figure out of that demo for the Australian mermaid show.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it three something tour? What is?

• 3:36Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Gilligan's Island?

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, Gilligan's Island. That's the most I've ever sung on this podcast.

• 3:41Speaker 02

  Think of like the teens on Dawson's Creek.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  Oh, well Dawson's Creek.

• 3:46Dax Shepard?

  Unfortunately, I.

• 3:48Speaker 01

  That's.

• 3:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 3:48Speaker 02

  I'm sad.

• 3:49Speaker 01

  I thought Monica might get it.

• 3:50Dax Shepard?

  That's one of my blind spots.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  It's all right.

• 3:53Dax Shepard?

  On this week's fact check, we read an exhaustive list of girl names that were boy names.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  That were originally boy names. It's a great list. I only got through about a fifth of it.

• 4:03Dax Shepard?

  Okay, where are you Joey?

• 4:05Speaker 02

  I'm in New Jersey.

• 4:06Dax Shepard?

  The Garden State.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  Yes. Drove here today from Massachusetts just to do this.

• 4:12Dax Shepard?

  What? Wait, what? You don't have internet in Massachusetts?

• 4:15Speaker 02

  No, we do, but I needed to get back here in time.

• 4:18Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you were on vacation in Massachusetts. Were you on the Cape? Were you in Marta's Vineyard?

• 4:24Speaker 02

  No, but close to the Cape, the South Shore. So an ocean town.

• 4:27Dax Shepard?

  Oh, lovely.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  Oceans are a theme.

• 4:30Dax Shepard?

  And you've got a nice savage glow. You've got the sun kissed glow. Okay, Joey, you have a bad teacher story.

• 4:37Speaker 02

  I do. And I preface this to say that most teachers are awesome because I am one.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 4:43Speaker 02

  So let me set the scene. It was early 2000s and it was my fifth year of teaching. And right at the start of the school year, I was told that I would be orienting a new teacher and that she would have her own classes, but we would co-teach one section of eighth grade English together.

• 4:59Dax Shepard?

  I would imagine in the teaching game, it doesn't get much harder than eighth grade.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  Most people think that, but this is gonna be my 26th year of teaching and I teach sixth, seventh and eighth grade. Like I love middle schoolers. Yes, they're crazy, but they're crazy in a good way as opposed to for me, little ones who's like noses are running and things like that. That's like way more hectic than someone with their hormones all out of whack. But so they were telling me that as someone who's in my fifth year that I was the veteran, which was kind of a crazy concept to me, but I'm like, okay, I can do this. But shortly after being told this, I didn't feel like I was the veteran because we had these two weeks of teacher meetings in August where it was professional development.

• 5:43Speaker 02

  And I met this person that I was gonna be co-teaching with and immediately she intimidated many of us, including myself. This was a private school in a very liberal city. And so we spent a lot of time sharing out about our strengths and weaknesses and our hopes and fears and all of that. And it seemed like every time she shared something about her background and experience, I just kept getting more and more impressed with each thing. And I'm like, what can I have to offer this person? So first it was she graduated from a very well-known division one university and had been in the honors program. Next it was while she was there, she was the head of the writing center and ran the whole thing while she was a student.

• 6:25Speaker 02

  Next it was she was on the division one volleyball team and it just like kept going on and on and on.

• 6:31Dax Shepard?

  She was a wunderkind.

• 6:32Speaker 01

  She loves division one.

• 6:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. And I was just kind of like each time, oh, like shriveling back more and more. And you know, she's like taller than I am. When the students arrived, they also were very drawn to her because she had just graduated from college. She was young. She had a distinct sense of style, super energetic, but then shortly thereafter, all of a sudden she started calling in sick. Next thing we know, she's out because a relative died. Then a relative was murdered.

• 7:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it sounds like addiction, but continue.

• 7:02Speaker 02

  So like more stories started appearing each week, right? And you know, there's of course, like a group of teachers who are like, okay, we should all dress in black one night and go out and like stalk her apartment and see what's really going on. You know, like there was like a little bit of that background kind of stuff going on.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  Dressing black for the murdered relative. Like, like support.

• 7:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, this was early 2000s. Obviously we had the internet, but people just weren't Googling things as much to try to match up the story or anything like that. Needless to say, the co-teaching wasn't going very well because her attendance was so spotty. So like, I never knew if she was gonna be there. And on one particular day, she was late to our co-taught class. And you know, as a teacher, you're not waiting for your co-teacher to start the class. So I kind of just started things off and we weren't even supposed to be doing a joint thing that day. I was supposed to be leading something and she was just going to be supporting some of the students in the room. When all of a sudden the head of school pops in to observe and he did this unannounced all the time to different rooms.

• 8:07Speaker 02

  So that wasn't something that was alarming, but I knew I had to start the class, even though she's not there and I don't want to draw attention to that. So I just start going over some short lesson on vocabulary that we would encounter in our reading. She arrives and jumps right in and just starts writing a bunch of stuff on the other side of the whiteboard. We have a bunch of students who have various learning styles. Maybe someone's ADHD, maybe someone else has some auditory processing thing. And if you've got like a ton of things going on in the front of the room.

• 8:39Dax Shepard?

  The ADHD kids loving it and everyone else is fucking lost.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  And they're already in eighth grade. So their executive functioning is like out of control anyways. And so I'm thinking immediately in my head, it's like, you're the veteran teacher. You have to control this. Like, what are you gonna do? Not only is she up there doing this, she's jamming things into the corner. So all of a sudden I say something like, let's pause and get some additional information from Cindy before we go back to the vocabulary. Cindy, what do you have for us? And so she starts going through some sort of a timeline about the Vietnam war, because the book we're reading is set in the Vietnam war. But it's like false information. She's pronouncing things incorrectly and then the cap is like a word she writes up there very boldly is not a real word.

• 9:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh my goodness. Something's misfiring.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  She does everything with such confidence that I start questioning myself. And just as I'm trying to figure out what to do, she fully turns herself to the board with her back completely to all of us. Cause you know how most of the time teachers try to be like at an angle. So you're never not looking at the kids and her thong is fully on display.

• 9:44Dax Shepard?

  Oh my goodness.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  For this full group of students and the head of school.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Oh wow. Wait a minute, hold on. What?

• 9:50Speaker 02

  She's wearing a thong, but her like pants are jacked down, you know, like slumped down.

• 9:55Dax Shepard?

  2001.

• 9:56Speaker 01

  Oh, so low ride.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  Exactly. Yeah, low ride and like the shirt has popped up.

• 10:01Dax Shepard?

  That's a pretty big event for an eighth grade boy.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  Oh my gosh, right? Exactly. Right? And I'm waiting for one of them because I've seen, you know, the kids who are clearly focused on something else or doing something else with their hands and whatever. None of them burst out laughing. No one says a word and the head of school is sitting there. And so again, I'm like, I gotta do something. I have to do something. So I immediately say, Cindy, thank you so much. Can you sit with Charlie?

• 10:27Speaker 01

  Oh, you're trying so hard.

• 10:29Speaker 02

  And make sure that he gets it all down.

• 10:31Dax Shepard?

  You're also reminding me of a news anchor where it's like, now we're gonna go to Betty with the weather. No, we're not. We're gonna go to Mike on the street.

• 10:38Speaker 02

  Can I go pull the fire alarm in that moment or something? So eventually the class ends and I'm questioning my sanity still. Am I the only one seeing this? Because the head of school just strolls right out of the room without a word to either of us.

• 10:51Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 10:51Speaker 02

  And he's a man, so maybe it was like he didn't know how to address the situation.

• 10:56Dax Shepard?

  Talk about his employee's underwear. Yeah, that's a rough zone.

• 11:00Speaker 02

  The minimum part of it, at least like, hey, we're gonna meet to debrief this. But then it got even better where a few days later, she's off coaching a middle school sports team. I think it was basketball and they're headed to play against a school for the deaf. And they arrive at the game and it's well known that we're playing this school for the deaf. So it's not like that was a surprise. The ref who's supposed to work the game, who was someone who was certified in American Sign Language, was not in attendance. And the substitute ref asks if anyone knows Sign Language.

• 11:31Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yes. Yes.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  Cindy announces that she knows Sign Language.

• 11:37Dax Shepard?

  Fluent, yeah.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  And this is like in the moment. So there's no, oh yeah, I know that language. That's never gonna come up or something.

• 11:44Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 11:45Speaker 02

  The ref then asks her to communicate something to an opposing player. And she starts making a variety of hand signals that look like a mixture of Tai Chi moves and someone trying to come up with a secret handshake.

• 11:58Dax Shepard?

  And then maybe some light charades.

• 12:00Speaker 02

  Yes. So this kid on the opposing team has no idea what's going on. And yet she holds fast to this claim that she's fluent in the language.

• 12:09Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  And luckily, no one got hurt. The game went on. It was universal enough. So then we get back to school and we're having this faculty volleyball game where all the kids come to watch and the teachers play each other. And of course, everyone wants her on this team because remember, she's a Division One volleyball player.

• 12:29Dax Shepard?

  I can't wait. I mean, this is like in a movie.

• 12:32Speaker 01

  This is NXIVM.

• 12:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, this is NXIVM. And then also like in the movie where of all the sports, they're gonna have the faculty play the students, it's volleyball.

• 12:40Speaker 01

  I know.

• 12:41Speaker 02

  Exactly. And we did a basketball game once, you know, stuff like that. But people can get injured easily and all of these things. So everyone wants her on their team. But after the game starts, it becomes apparent that either our expectations of what a Division One volleyball player would look like were either too high, or this was another skill that she didn't possess. So as she tries to serve the ball or return balls or spike the ball or whatever, none of her movements are any better than what any of us who just took middle school gym classes. But then she starts inventing moves that don't really work well, but blames her teammates for like, why it didn't work the right way. And then gives a variety of names

• 13:25Speaker 02

  to these moves that don't make any sense.

• 13:27Dax Shepard?

  You're watching someone living in their own reality.

• 13:30Speaker 01

  Yeah. Is it like, it's like kind of Munchausen?

• 13:34Dax Shepard?

  You want it. You want it to be CTE or Munchausen for everything.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  But it's so good because I sort of believed but didn't believe, but I questioned myself. I don't really remember exactly how it fully came to a head if there was like a couple of other things before this. But one day, the dean of faculty, who was a person that I looked up to on the staff, comes to me and he just sits down and he's like one of those people that like only says a few words at a time. First, he apologized for hiring this person to me and putting me in a situation, acknowledged that it turned out some things hadn't been true that we thought were true. And then said, but hey, you know, it's gonna all make a good story one day. Then before the school year ends, she sends out this mass message saying that she's going to need to leave to go take care of a sick relative

• 14:22Speaker 02

  and won't be in the area anymore.

• 14:24Dax Shepard?

  Take care of her father who already died. She forgot to say.

• 14:27Speaker 02

  Three times before, yeah. So a few weeks after that, a group of us teachers were all like at a local road race. And one of the guys who was faster is standing there waiting at the finish line for me. And he's like, you gotta go over to the energy drink tent. And so I go over to where they're giving out all the free stuff. And who's the person promoting and giving out coupons for this energy drink? But this teacher. And so again, another lie. Like, not that we thought she really was off to take care of a relative, but she ended it with that story.

• 15:00Dax Shepard?

  Oh, in the age of now, the internet, have you figured out if she even was a graduate of college?

• 15:06Speaker 02

  So I looked her up two days ago because of this. And she is on the internet. It lists it as her background, but I don't know how you verify that. Could I list that I have been to the moon?

• 15:18Dax Shepard?

  Sure. I've been telling people I went to UCLA for like 30 years and everyone believes it.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  Right. And then it was probably on like a Wikipedia page.

• 15:25Dax Shepard?

  That's right. That's right.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then it becomes real.

• 15:27Dax Shepard?

  I never went. I never even went to college.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  I know.

• 15:30Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  No, it's crazy. It's crazy what you can get away with.

• 15:34Dax Shepard?

  You have a look on your face like you're really questioning whether I did go to UCLA. But yeah, you can claim anything.

• 15:40Speaker 02

  As teachers and anyone who works with a kid, you have to get those background checks to make sure that like you haven't been in trouble with the law. Or there's this thing called pass the trash. A school isn't supposed to be allowed to like pass a bad teacher to another school. And so it's this check in thing that you have to do at like your last place.

• 15:56Speaker 01

  I mean, she could have stolen someone's identity. That's kind of what it sounds like.

• 15:59Dax Shepard?

  There's a lot going on. She's a pathological liar, which is fascinating. I would like to know more about that condition. People who are pathological liars.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  Right. Why do they do it?

• 16:08Dax Shepard?

  I have a pretty good friend who, while trying to get sober, they were a bit of a patho- like they would tell people they had children and stuff when they were talking to someone else who had kids. Like, yeah. And I've asked this person like, what was going on? They're like, I don't know. Other than in that moment, the most important thing is that they like me and want to bond with me. And they've said they have kids. So it's like this kind of insecurity. And you think this will be the thing that makes this other person like you.

• 16:34Speaker 01

  But that's so deep to do a full blown lie about having kids?

• 16:38Dax Shepard?

  That one hit. I'm like, wow, man, that's a biggie.

• 16:40Speaker 02

  Do you think if there was a medical emergency and they're like, is there anyone trained in this medical technique?

• 16:46Dax Shepard?

  Yes, because she did the sign language. I mean, that's bonkers. What a gift she gave you.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is a good story. He was right.

• 16:53Speaker 02

  It is. But most of us teachers are not like that.

• 16:56Dax Shepard?

  Well, clearly not. You're a blast. I wish I had you as an eighth grade teacher.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, you'd be fun.

• 17:01Speaker 02

  Thanks.

• 17:02Dax Shepard?

  Well, it's lovely meeting you. And thank you for racing back.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  Thank you. And I just want to say, I first started listening to you guys two years ago because two years ago, my mom got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I would go on lots of walks and listen to you guys through that. And actually, two weeks ago tomorrow, she passed away. And I got your message, though, a couple of days later that I was on. So it was sort of my first smile that I had. So I wanted to thank you for that. Just to shout out to Hannah, who's a former student who knows this bad teacher. Good teachers that I work with now who listen to you guys, Heather and Dan and Mary Ann.

• 17:39Speaker 01

  Oh, we love them.

• 17:41Dax Shepard?

  Heather, Dan, Mary Ann. I love it. Okay. Thank you so much, Joey.

• 17:45Speaker 02

  Bye.

• 17:45Dax Shepard?

  Take care.

• 17:53Dax Shepard?

  We get support from our presenting sponsor, YouTube Premium. Now, you already know I'm a big YouTube person. It's incredible on its own, but Premium makes the whole experience feel enhanced. Like, you don't realize how much better it can get until you try it. The biggest game changer for me, background play. I love long, two hour deep dives. You name it, motorcycles, travel, cars.

• 18:18Speaker 01

  Cooking shows for me.

• 18:19Dax Shepard?

  Cooking. Listen, with Premium, you don't have to keep the screen open. So I can lock my phone, slide it into my pocket and listen to a podcast while I'm folding laundry or working out. It's also completely ad free, meaning when a narrator is building up to the climax of an insane story, there's zero interruption. And for travel, offline download saves the day. I love this one. Relying on airplane wifi can be a gamble, so I just download my favorite videos before takeoff. And with smart downloads, Premium will automatically download new videos from channels you actually follow without having to lift a finger. I'm covered if I forget to download a video I want to watch, or even if there's no service. And the home run for me is that YouTube Premium remembers exactly where I left off

• 19:01Dax Shepard?

  and lets me continue watching on another device from right where I stopped. So I can start a video on my TV while brushing my teeth and pick it right back up on my phone on my morning walk. So yeah, YouTube was already great, but Premium supercharges it. If you like YouTube, you'll love Premium. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. We get support from Superhuman. I'm someone who wants to do big, meaningful work, but the small stuff eats up my day before I even get to it. The endless emails, docs, scheduling, follow ups that pile up. By the time all that's cleared, there's no energy left for the ambitious stuff. Most AI tools promise to fix that, but they require opening a new

• 19:45Dax Shepard?

  tab, re-explaining everything from scratch every single time. A week later, it's just another thing collecting dust in the browser. Superhuman, from the makers of Grammarly, is different. It's already embedded inside the tools people are using, email, docs, browser. It's not waiting to be found. It's already there, working alongside, clearing what's in the way. So the focus stays on what's actually worth doing. A thought partner that's already up to speed, no catching it up. It knows the style, the workflows, and it backs people up without getting in the way. At your service, not after your job. That's the difference. Give it a try for yourself. Start streamlining your workflows with Superhuman. Try today at superhuman.com.

• 20:28Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Instagram teen accounts. So we talk a lot on this show about how the world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?

• 20:44Speaker 01

  Which is a fair question.

• 20:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. So Instagram has got something called teen accounts and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them. And time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10:00 PM to 7:00 AM.

• 21:11Speaker 01

  Sleep mode is genius.

• 21:13Dax Shepard?

  Right? And here's the thing, for anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age appropriate experiences for teens.

• 21:28Speaker 01

  I am really glad Instagram's helping to give parents peace of mind with teen accounts.

• 21:32Dax Shepard?

  Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts. We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace and I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective. Running can be freeing and cathartic and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere, whether that's in your office, living room, or even the attic.

• 22:17Dax Shepard?

  Plus they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving. Let yourself run. Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.

• 22:38Dax Shepard?

  Chris?

• 22:39Speaker 03

  Hello?

• 22:39Speaker 01

  You have a gallery wall.

• 22:40Speaker 03

  I do have a gallery wall, yes.

• 22:43Speaker 01

  Really nice.

• 22:44Dax Shepard?

  So you have some neon lighting and it's in a squiggly pattern. And at first I was like, that looks like it could be a racetrack, but I don't think it is.

• 22:52Speaker 03

  No, I was just kind of randomly putting up holes in the wall and it created this.

• 22:58Dax Shepard?

  Okay, wonderful.

• 23:00Speaker 01

  Art.

• 23:00Dax Shepard?

  And Chris, where are you?

• 23:01Speaker 03

  I am in Denver, Colorado, but my story takes place in Austin.

• 23:05Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 23:06Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I was in Denver last weekend for the Savannah Bananas.

• 23:09Speaker 03

  Oh, yes, with Kristen.

• 23:10Dax Shepard?

  That's right. And are you from Austin?

• 23:13Speaker 03

  I'm actually from Knoxville, Tennessee, but I spent about 10 years in Austin, so basically from Austin.

• 23:20Dax Shepard?

  How does one leave Austin?

• 23:22Speaker 03

  I think this story will kind of tell you.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, I want to hear.

• 23:25Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great.

• 23:26Speaker 03

  This story actually takes place my junior year of high school. So this was back in 2019, I lived in the suburbs of Austin. I was in this organization called DECA, which is like a business competition club. And so there's three levels to get to internationals, you have to make it through the district and then the state competition. In Texas, obviously there's a ton of kids that participate in DECA. So in our specific category, there was over 250 competitors or teams at the state level. So somehow miraculously, me and my partners pulled it off. We placed first in the state of Texas.

• 23:59Speaker 01

  Oh, my Lord.

• 24:00Dax Shepard?

  How many folks are on your team?

• 24:02Speaker 03

  There was three of us.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  I love winners.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  Exactly, yes. We placed first in the state of Texas, which was awesome, which meant we were headed to internationals and Disney World. So it was a big deal. We had spent the whole school year preparing for this competition. We were very excited. It was one of the proudest moments of my high school career because we put in so much time and effort. So a week later, there was about 20 kids from my school going to internationals. Within the organization, there was probably 350 of us. There was only nine boys, so there's an odd number of boys traveling. And so the advisors, which were our teachers, asked us if any of the guys would be willing to room with guys from another school in the district. And so I volunteered because I actually had some friends group band who were at another high school in the district.

• 24:45Speaker 03

  And they were also going to international, so I was like, okay, I'll take one for the team. I'll volunteer for everyone to room with kids from another school. So the advisors agreed, everyone approved. I didn't think twice about it. And then about a week before the competition, my advisors emailed me asking if I could come to their office to talk to them. And so I didn't think anything of it. I was like, sure. So I walked in expecting to talk about some sort of travel details or the competition schedule or something about our paper. And instead, the very first words out of her mouth when I walked in were, are you gay?

• 25:16Dax Shepard?

  What an appropriate question to ask a high school student.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  What the fuck is wrong with people?

• 25:20Dax Shepard?

  And how big is your penis?

• 25:22Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 25:24Speaker 03

  So I'm like 16 years old, I'm still closeted. My friends knew, but none of the teachers knew, my parents didn't know. I was very caught off guard. The first thing out of my mouth was, what, why does this, what does this matter? And she told me that if I was gay, I wouldn't be allowed to room with my friends from the other school because they could also be gay. And we could all potentially have sex together.

• 25:44Dax Shepard?

  Oh, they were envisioning a DECA orgy.

• 25:47Speaker 01

  What? But also even what about the kids in your own school?

• 25:51Dax Shepard?

  They're trying to not facilitate the students having sex with each other. I think it's completely inappropriate that they're asking you, but also they're not putting boys and girls together.

• 26:00Speaker 01

  No, but you would be with the boys in your class.

• 26:03Speaker 03

  And that's what I said. So I was like, what's the difference? Because no one else was gay, except me.

• 26:07Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  In the situation. And so I'm like, why are we signaling out me as being a gay kid? I thought she was joking at first, so I was like, okay, so because I might be gay, you automatically assume that I'm going to hook up with my friends. And she goes, that's exactly right.

• 26:22Dax Shepard?

  Oh, she didn't hide from it. You're in Texas.

• 26:25Speaker 03

  I said, well, can I room with my two friends who are girls? Obviously I knew the answer was going to be no, but I wanted her to say that. So I immediately said, no. I asked why and she says, because we can't prove you're gay. And I was like, okay.

• 26:38Dax Shepard?

  You're on trial for both not being gay and being gay.

• 26:42Speaker 01

  This is insane.

• 26:44Speaker 03

  I said, let me get this straight. So I can't room with my friends that are boys from the other school in the district? Because I could potentially be gay and I could potentially hook up with them. But I can't room with my two friends who are girls from this school? Because you can't prove I'm gay and I could potentially hook up with them.

• 27:01Dax Shepard?

  This is a real catch 22.

• 27:02Speaker 03

  Looked me dead in the eyes and she goes, that is exactly right. And I was speechless.

• 27:07Speaker 01

  My God.

• 27:09Speaker 03

  So the plan that all four of the advisors had come up together, they were apparently talking about me because I guess someone spilled that I was gay. They said that I had to go room with two random boys from another school in the district. They weren't going to tell me who they were until we got there. So I left her office and I was kind of like, okay, well, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. Because I wasn't out to my parents. If I was out to my parents, my mom would have gone absolutely ballistic on the school. I had a couple of friends, obviously my partners who were in DECA with me, they knew I was gay. So I talked to them about it and we kind of fought back with the teacher and she still was firm with her decision of we are not letting you room with anyone that you know.

• 27:46Dax Shepard?

  This is strange logic.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  You could also hook up with people you don't know. I don't understand any of this.

• 27:51Speaker 03

  The other thing that I kept saying was I was like, I could go hook up with this guy in his room if I really wanted.

• 27:57Speaker 01

  In the straight, people are definitely hooking up, by the way.

• 28:01Speaker 03

  Yeah. I quietly accepted the new room assignments. She ended up telling basically everyone that was going to internationals with us. So now 15 of these people now know that I'm gay, which then spread throughout the organization. So then people in the organization knew, now people at the other school know. And I was just kind of like, okay, you've kind of just spilled my secret to everyone for what? Like, what was the point of this?

• 28:23Dax Shepard?

  They scarlet lettered you.

• 28:24Speaker 03

  Yeah. And so the funniest part of all of this is we get to Disney World. We're there for the competition. I meet my two new roommates the very first day. Next morning, we wake up at 6:00 AM on the dot, one of my roommate's alarms go off. It's Delicate by Taylor Swift.

• 28:43Speaker 01

  I hope you hooked up just to spite everyone.

• 28:47Dax Shepard?

  I was gonna say, I hope this is a meet cute.

• 28:48Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 28:49Speaker 03

  I asked the kid right then and there, I was like, oh, so are you gay too? And he was like, no, I'm not. Well, three years later, he came out on Instagram and now he is an openly happy gay person.

• 28:59Dax Shepard?

  Oh, thank you. God, it's so soft at this age.

• 29:02Speaker 01

  This is wild.

• 29:04Speaker 03

  But it was funny because it was like her foolproof plan to not get me with anyone that I potentially could know. It's a funny story now. I wrote my college essay about it. That's actually like how I came out to my mom and dad. And I was like, hey, here's this crazy story that happened to me last year. Sorry I couldn't talk about it at all about what was going on.

• 29:22Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. Well, I'm really sorry that happened, but you are very smiley.

• 29:27Dax Shepard?

  I think you're indomitable.

• 29:28Speaker 03

  Thank you. I appreciate that. I do have a couple of shout outs.

• 29:31Dax Shepard?

  Take your time.

• 29:32Speaker 03

  Her name is Susan. She's my best friend's mom. She actually got me on to Armchair Anonymous. She's been listening since day one. She was actually one of the only parents who I had come out to before my parents. And so she knew during this whole entire time, this whole entire story going on. And she was very much ready to go to war with this teacher as well.

• 29:50Speaker 01

  Oh, we love Susan.

• 29:51Speaker 03

  And then Jesse, my manager, because she let me take about an hour and a half off of work today to come film this.

• 29:59Speaker 03

  And then Emily, Hannah, Selena, and Natasha, because those were the four people who were in DECA with me who went to internationals. They're actually in those pictures. I don't know if you guys got them.

• 30:09Dax Shepard?

  Let me see. Also, how'd you guys do in Orlando?

• 30:12Speaker 03

  Okay, so we placed in the top 25, which was pretty crazy.

• 30:16Speaker 01

  Okay, that's amazing. Oh, so cute.

• 30:21Dax Shepard?

  And who's this? You and your lover?

• 30:23Speaker 03

  Well, that's me and my boyfriend now.

• 30:24Dax Shepard?

  Yes. Chris, what a delight to meet you, my friend.

• 30:28Speaker 03

  It was great meeting you guys. Yeah, thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

• 30:31Dax Shepard?

  Special thanks to your manager.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  Take a little extra like 20 minutes and like do something.

• 30:35Dax Shepard?

  Internet connection issue.

• 30:37Speaker 01

  Have a great day.

• 30:39Dax Shepard?

  Take care.

• 30:39Speaker 03

  Thank you. I appreciate it. You guys have a good one.

• 30:41Dax Shepard?

  Bye.

• 30:43Speaker 01

  My gloom is over.

• 30:44Dax Shepard?

  Yay. Gloom is lifted. Gloom, gloom, go away. Let my smiles shine today.

• 30:53Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 30:53Speaker 04

  Hi, can you hear me?

• 30:54Speaker 01

  Look at that shirt.

• 30:56Dax Shepard?

  What a cute shirt. Okay, why did we pick Abby for a fake name?

• 30:59Speaker 04

  Okay, wait, do you want me to start recording now?

• 31:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. ABR girl, you don't know the rules?

• 31:03Speaker 04

  I'm sorry.

• 31:04Dax Shepard?

  You got the shirt, you should know the rules.

• 31:07Speaker 04

  Okay, it's, it's recording. Abby is my mom's name and she is the biggest armchair. She's watching on FaceTime in the corner.

• 31:15Speaker 01

  Stop it, that's so cute.

• 31:17Dax Shepard?

  Hi Abby.

• 31:18Speaker 04

  Literally, she's been watching Armchair since it came out in 2018, which is coincidentally when this takes place, my story. And when I started in middle school, so I grew up with you guys. And I can't believe I'm on here right now.

• 31:31Dax Shepard?

  We're excited to have you.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  The best day.

• 31:33Dax Shepard?

  So I know from that, that you're not the teacher in this story.

• 31:36Speaker 04

  I am not the teacher, I am the student in this story.

• 31:39Dax Shepard?

  Okay, let us have it. Well, what part of the country does this take place in?

• 31:42Speaker 04

  In the Midwest. I'm in my university's podcast recording studio.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  They have such a thing now.

• 31:48Dax Shepard?

  I can see the sound deafening background.

• 31:50Speaker 04

  And Dax are gonna like this, I go to school in the Appalachian Mountains.

• 31:54Dax Shepard?

  You do? Is it so beautiful right now?

• 31:57Speaker 04

  It is so pretty, it's all green. We're starting to get a little bit of change, which is kind of weird, but it's gorgeous up here right now.

• 32:03Dax Shepard?

  You probably went there saying Appalachian, but now you know to say Appalachian.

• 32:07Speaker 04

  My mom grew up here in the Appalachian Mountains, so it was kind of ingrained in my head. Since I was a kid.

• 32:12Dax Shepard?

  Was she in the Kentucky, the Virginia, or the North Carolina?

• 32:16Speaker 04

  North Carolina.

• 32:17Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great. All right, so hit us with this.

• 32:19Speaker 04

  Okay, so my story takes place, starting in middle school and goes all the way through high school. So I was in middle school, starting in 2018. And my seventh grade year of middle school is when COVID hit. So that following day after we all left at spring break and the world shut down, school looked very different. We had different days where half the school would go to class and the other half would go on a separate day. It was called A-Day and B-Days. You were with the same five or six people for every single class. And it was called like a cohort. And it was just a weird period in general, because middle school is such a developmental period in your life. And then to have it in COVID, when you can't talk to people or see people, just made it even worse.

• 33:04Speaker 04

  Kids were assholes, everyone hated everyone. It sucks. But what came from that is connections got really strong. Because we were in those classes all the time and we were with certain teachers more on certain days, you just naturally kind of latched on to those teachers. So that teacher, for pretty much every student in my middle school, was a teacher that we'll call Mr. L. Mr. L was an ELA teacher, but he was also the head of the student council.

• 33:33Dax Shepard?

  Is ELA emotional?

• 33:34Speaker 04

  English.

• 33:35Dax Shepard?

  Oh, ELA.

• 33:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:36Dax Shepard?

  I thought it was like emotional learning.

• 33:38Speaker 01

  I thought it was English as a second language.

• 33:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, ESL.

• 33:41Speaker 01

  But what's the A?

• 33:42Speaker 04

  English Language Arts.

• 33:44Dax Shepard?

  Nice, okay, good job, you're, you're great. I'm glad you're in college.

• 33:47Speaker 01

  You're really good.

• 33:48Dax Shepard?

  You belong there, yeah, okay.

• 33:49Speaker 04

  So with Mr. L, it wasn't, you know, we just had him in class. We were with him before school for student council meetings. During school, we'd eat lunch with this teacher. After school, we'd have our events, we'd get pulled out early or go on field trips and stuff like that. So this was just one of those teachers that really shaped who we were as people. And especially the student council kids, because we were all the goody two shoes and we're all super involved. This was the teacher that we liked and he was our favorite teacher, going forever and ever and ever up through high school. And so even after middle school, when we would come back or do events, that was the teacher that we always wanted to talk to. I have TikToks with this teacher.

• 34:32Speaker 04

  We would post on social media, we followed him after we graduated. So that's the first half of the story. A few years later, my junior year of high school, towards the end, would have been in 2024. And there was rumors going around that Mr. L had passed away.

• 34:47Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 34:49Speaker 04

  I was texting my friends, we were just hearing this through the rumor mill and we were in like a grieving era, because he was that teacher that we all just loved so much. My brother at the time was in middle school with him. So my mom got the email with the big statement saying, we're so sad to hear the passing of Mr. L. He was such an integral part of our community.

• 35:11Dax Shepard?

  Can I ask what age he was when you were his student?

• 35:14Speaker 04

  He was a young teacher, so he was probably in his early 30s.

• 35:18Dax Shepard?

  Okay, yeah, this is not a 70-year-old man.

• 35:19Speaker 04

  This huge statement came out and after the statement came out, we had to do a mandated program called SOS, which stands for Signs of Suicide. So Mr. L had killed himself.

• 35:33Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 35:34Speaker 04

  And that just makes it worse.

• 35:36Dax Shepard?

  You know they're sad and suffering.

• 35:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. And I mean, everyone was posting about Mr. L. Everyone was talking about it. It just really shook our community. And I sent you guys a picture of a Facebook post that was created in his honor and, you know, just talked about all the incredible things he did for our schools.

• 35:58Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he looks cute in that picture.

• 36:00Speaker 04

  So about a week after the announcement of his passing, these accounts on Instagram started getting really popular, called Pedophile Patrol.

• 36:11Dax Shepard?

  Oh, bleh.

• 36:21Dax Shepard?

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you've thought about trying therapy with our long-term partner, BetterHelp, insurance options may now be available nationwide, with an average copay for eligible members of just $23 per session. October 10th is World Mental Health Day, but you don't need a day on the calendar to give yourself permission to talk to someone. I've been in therapy for a long time and the stuff rattling around in my head always just quiets down the second I say it out loud. And it doesn't have to be some big life crisis. Maybe it's a work thing that's taking up too much space, or hard relationship moment, or just a feeling that something's off. That's enough, that's worth talking about.

• 36:59Speaker 01

  You know, I love therapy more than anything, gets me through. Often I'll want to cancel, because I'm like, I don't really have anything to talk about. And then I'll go and I have some major revelation.

• 37:10Dax Shepard?

  You know, I was just talking to a friend who has just started it. And I said, one of the most powerful elements of it is just hearing yourself say out loud the thing that's been ruminating in your head and how different it sounds once it's out into the world. You gain perspective immediately just by hearing yourself say it.

• 37:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, you do.

• 37:26Dax Shepard?

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• 38:09Dax Shepard?

  and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.

• 38:19Speaker 05

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• 38:59Speaker 05

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• 39:16Dax Shepard?

  This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing. And Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skillset, a body of work, and it's been private, it's been yours, but at some point, you're ready to put it out there. And that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap. Squarespace makes it feel like a step. Beautiful templates, built-in SEO, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics, everything

• 39:57Dax Shepard?

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• 40:30Speaker 04

  So what these accounts were, were teenagers who basically were doing like the Chris Hansen to catch a pedophile in our hometown. So they would create Tinder profiles, Hinge profiles, Instagram, Snapchat, all under the guise of luring men and sometimes older women to catch them trying to have sex with minors.

• 40:57Dax Shepard?

  This was in that manosphere, Doc. Do you remember that? That was like the side hustle of that weird dude from England living down there. And then they beat that guy up in the car. It's like, A, I want justice for the kids. B, vigilantism always goes sideways. That's just a fact. Yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. So that was happening in your town?

• 41:18Speaker 04

  Yes. And the people doing this, they were just like delinquent teenagers. They weren't kids, you know, trying to like make a difference and save kids' lives. They just wanted to fucking brawl.

• 41:28Dax Shepard?

  And get likes and views.

• 41:30Speaker 04

  Exactly. So after these accounts started getting popular, a video popped up and low and behold, it was Mr. L on the Pedophile Patrol Instagram account.

• 41:42Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah.

• 41:44Speaker 04

  And this video is brutal. It's in our hometown grocery store parking lot. They've got the camera against his car window. They're yelling, screaming, trying to open the door, trying to break the window. Get out here. We're gonna beat your ass. You wanted to meet up with little kids. He was in his car looking at the profile and incriminated himself on camera.

• 42:08Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 42:10Speaker 04

  They tried to hit his car. There's a moment about halfway in the video where you can just see his face. And he realizes that his entire life is just completely ruined.

• 42:22Dax Shepard?

  It just ended, yeah.

• 42:23Speaker 04

  And this video is passed around. It's got thousands of views. Everybody's talking about it. And people were like, when was this taken? And they responded that it was taken a day before the announcement came out of his passing.

• 42:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, so he killed himself in response to that?

• 42:42Speaker 04

  He killed himself because he got caught being a pedophile.

• 42:44Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God. I don't know if you heard the episode we had on this.

• 42:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, we had experts on about pedophilia.

• 42:50Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:51Dax Shepard?

  The woman who's the head of the Johns Hopkins.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  Basically prevention. It's so upset. All of it's.

• 42:57Dax Shepard?

  It's all so fucking upsetting. Obviously, I hate pedophilia. And obviously, no one's picking to be a pedophile. And this is the end result. It's all terrible.

• 43:07Speaker 01

  It's horrible. It's horrible. All of it.

• 43:08Dax Shepard?

  Whoa.

• 43:08Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 43:09Dax Shepard?

  Was there a funeral for him?

• 43:11Speaker 04

  There was, but it was planned before the video came out. And once it came out, everything was just wiped off the internet. There was never a follow-up. Because I mean, it's not like the school district's gonna say anything. And, you know, it was all left alleged. But that video is so incriminating. The worst part about this story is when we started talking about it, you know, me and my friends, we thought back, like, could this really be? Could he really have done that? And there was a rumor that went around in middle school that he would make out with kids in his closet. And we all just brushed it off, laughed, ha, ha, ha. But now thinking back, it's just like, oh, shit.

• 43:55Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. Oh.

• 43:57Speaker 04

  Even worse.

• 43:58Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 43:59Speaker 01

  Also, gratitude if you're not afflicted with this.

• 44:02Speaker 04

  I mean, it's even worse to think my little brother was in his class at the time.

• 44:06Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Fuck.

• 44:07Speaker 04

  And that's like the group that he was looking at. It's just so icky. I hate it.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  It is. So none of you or your friends experienced, obviously, anything?

• 44:17Dax Shepard?

  Well, it sounds like he liked boys.

• 44:18Speaker 04

  Sounds like he liked boys, yeah.

• 44:20Dax Shepard?

  It's rare you can say you're saved by being female.

• 44:22Speaker 01

  It is very rare.

• 44:24Dax Shepard?

  It's very rare, but in this case.

• 44:26Speaker 01

  That sucks.

• 44:27Dax Shepard?

  Well, I hate to say this, but you know, the expert was saying like, so many of these cases are people that are, look, he could have been a pedophile day one and got this job specifically to groom people, and he's a predator. That's one version. But we learned there's also another version where it's like, otherwise, people who don't have that are in a situation that can be situational. It's like someone who has a stepchild.

• 44:48Speaker 01

  It sounds like this feels a little more insidious.

• 44:51Dax Shepard?

  Intentionally, yeah.

• 44:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. Because he's making out with kids in the closet.

• 44:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, but she was saying there can be teachers who are like getting all this attention from somebody, and they're feeling a certain way. And that gets confusing, how much education needs to be around. Like, hey, even if you haven't had a history of pedophilia, people are susceptible to this. That's what I'm trying to point out.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  But this doesn't feel like it.

• 45:10Dax Shepard?

  It doesn't.

• 45:11Speaker 01

  But that is true. That is a thing.

• 45:12Dax Shepard?

  Yep. Oh, boy.

• 45:14Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 45:15Dax Shepard?

  Well, look, every school, you know, it's funny, I was talking to my children, and it said, no, I was talking to you, it wasn't my children, that I had, Erin and I wiped our butt on our gym teacher's bifocal glasses. We hated them. And we did that, and Monica was really, really mad. And then I said, but you should know, this man was fired when we were in 11th grade for this, for, unless he gets it. And then she was like, then she's happy that we wiped our butt on his glasses.

• 45:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, good thing you did.

• 45:41Dax Shepard?

  Look, you gotta find a little bit of humor in this darkness.

• 45:45Speaker 01

  Well, because then he had a pink eye and he probably couldn't go out.

• 45:48Dax Shepard?

  No, no, no, no. Well, I hope he got a pink eye, but I don't think we ever successfully gave him a pink eye.

• 45:53Speaker 01

  He definitely got a pink eye.

• 45:54Dax Shepard?

  We just lived to watch him put his glasses on. And then he'd always wear a white t-shirt. And then he would wipe his glasses off on the white t-shirt. And Erin and I would be sitting cross-legged, waiting for the instruction, and just the delight we would have of him then ruining his shirt.

• 46:10Speaker 01

  But you didn't know he was a pedophile.

• 46:12Dax Shepard?

  We had bad vibes about him. We weren't just randomly doing that. No, there was cause.

• 46:17Speaker 01

  Oh, boy. Wow.

• 46:18Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I guess I'm as bad as those boys in the parking lot.

• 46:20Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. We have to deal with the lot today.

• 46:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we do. We have to process a lot of this one. Abby, you're such a well-spoken, great storyteller. I don't know what you're majoring in.

• 46:30Speaker 04

  Thank you, guys.

• 46:31Dax Shepard?

  You have some oral dexterity. I hope you double down on it.

• 46:33Speaker 04

  I totally do. I just talk my professor's ears off all day.

• 46:37Dax Shepard?

  Good, good, good.

• 46:38Speaker 04

  I have to shout out my professor because he's letting me skip class to do this, because he's an armchair as well. So shout out to Dr. Chomper.

• 46:47Dax Shepard?

  Wait, wait, Dr. Chomper?

• 46:49Speaker 01

  Chomper.

• 46:50Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Chomper. Oh, I want him to be a dental instructor. Dr. Chomper.

• 46:54Speaker 01

  Of course you do.

• 46:55Dax Shepard?

  Okay, Dr. Chomper.

• 46:56Speaker 04

  Do you mind if I let my mom say hi?

• 46:58Dax Shepard?

  Yes, of course. Let us say hi. Hi, Abby. Hey, guys. Oh, she's so cute. She has a matching shirt on.

• 47:04Speaker 01

  Oh, you guys.

• 47:06Speaker 04

  Yes, she does.

• 47:07Dax Shepard?

  I love it.

• 47:08Speaker 01

  You guys are so sweet.

• 47:09Speaker 04

  We love you guys.

• 47:10Dax Shepard?

  All right, we love you back.

• 47:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, both of you.

• 47:12Dax Shepard?

  All right. Take care.

• 47:13Speaker 04

  All right. Bye.

• 47:15Dax Shepard?

  Bye. Hello. What does your shirt say?

• 47:20Speaker 06

  It's Queens of the Stone Age.

• 47:22Dax Shepard?

  Rob, are you hard as a rock back there?

• 47:24Speaker 03

  Love Queens of the Stone Age.

• 47:25Speaker 01

  Loves it.

• 47:27Dax Shepard?

  Alexis, where are you?

• 47:28Speaker 06

  I am gonna be vague because he will get me.

• 47:32Dax Shepard?

  Really quick, based so far on this, this story better involve murder.

• 47:37Speaker 01

  Ooh, can't wait.

• 47:38Speaker 06

  It doesn't, unfortunately.

• 47:41Dax Shepard?

  So vague. What part of the country, a zone?

• 47:44Speaker 06

  Northeast.

• 47:45Dax Shepard?

  And are you currently residing where you were born, or have you relocated?

• 47:49Speaker 06

  I'm still in the Northeast, and I go to school in the Northeast.

• 47:52Dax Shepard?

  Okay, and you were born in the Northeast?

• 47:54Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 47:55Dax Shepard?

  Okay, wonderful. So you have a bad teacher's story.

• 47:57Speaker 06

  I do. This was about four years ago. I had transferred out of my regular public high school in the second semester of my sophomore year into this charter school. So it was a little weird. It was dedicated for the arts, which was super fun, super cool. And a lot of students had similar experiences to me where they transferred out because their other school just wasn't working for them. A very, very, very large population of the students were queer and experienced a lot of bullying at their old school. And at this new school, it was great. Obviously, they had regular classes that I had to take. I

• 48:42Speaker 06

  was placed into a biology class. And my teacher, who I'm just gonna call Mr. Teacher because he will get me and sue me, was kind of a selling point for the school because he went to this pretty prestigious undergrad, and he was a doctor. However, he was a doctor in naturopathic medicine, which is very important.

• 49:03Dax Shepard?

  And also, I think we're playing a little fast and loose in doctor.

• 49:07Speaker 01

  Can you get a doctor? Can you get an MD in that?

• 49:09Dax Shepard?

  Not from a university.

• 49:10Speaker 06

  I think it's called like an ND or something. But they were very insistent that he was a doctor.

• 49:16Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Just hadn't taken the MCAT or done a residency.

• 49:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. Or even, probably even got a PhD, so not even a doctorate.

• 49:25Speaker 06

  It was the kind of thing where you'd be on the first page of the website. He was a selling point for the school because it's like, wow, look at this doctor we have working here. Originally, I thought he seemed kind of cool because he was this middle-aged guy, and he was super accepting and very open and created this wonderful environment for all these queer kids. And he provided a lot of hygiene products and little snacks and food. You could just take, no questions asked. And I thought that was pretty neat. However, as I was in his class more and more, I kind of started to see through this front he had.

• 50:01Dax Shepard?

  Can I ask quickly what the hygiene products were?

• 50:04Speaker 06

  Like pads, tampons, birth control options, deodorant.

• 50:08Dax Shepard?

  He's a mini CVS.

• 50:10Speaker 06

  Pretty much. He had like rice packets. He could microwave.

• 50:13Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. Wow, wow, wow. Okay.

• 50:15Speaker 06

  Yeah. It really was like a little store. So a lot of students had issues at home. And there was kind of this following around this teacher where they all referred to him as a father figure.

• 50:28Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 50:29Speaker 06

  And it was just weird. It was almost culty. And he knew that referring to him as a father was happening. And he just kind of let it happen. He obviously had his own views on, I'm just gonna call it like evidence-based medicine.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  I was gonna call it legitimate medicine.

• 50:46Dax Shepard?

  He hated peer-reviewed science.

• 50:48Speaker 06

  And it would come through a lot with personal conversations with students and his actual class. He would tell students individually to talk to their doctor and be like, you need to tell your doctor to stop prescribing you medication. There was this one specific conversation I overheard where he was like, you need to stop taking your Lexapro. Tell your doctor. Because so many of these students were on antidepressants. And he would say, don't take them. And at the beginning of every class, 60 minutes, it was a short class, he would take attendance. And attendance was an event. It was 20 minutes minimum. Because

• 51:29Speaker 06

  he would ask people individually how they were. He would be like, Monica, how are you today? This would kind of open the floor for students to essentially trauma dump. It turned into this therapy session where he would suggest things. And it just was a very long event every single day. And he then, after attendance, would often propose a hypothetical situation or hypothetical question, and he loved his hypotheticals. And often these hypotheticals had sexual themes.

• 52:08Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 52:08Speaker 06

  There was one time he used a student's name. He loves using students as examples. And he said, if student's name was a stripper and only stripped while they were ovulating,

• 52:22Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 52:22Speaker 06

  they would make more money because of the hormones. There was a question one day. He asked a room of twenty or thirty, fifteen year olds. If you had a kid and comes out to you as a furry or a zoophile, which would you prefer? He wrote it on the board, which is one of the pictures that I sent in.

• 52:44Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my goodness. Okay, I wanna, I wanna look at this.

• 52:47Speaker 01

  Girlfriend dog, it says.

• 52:50Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 52:50Speaker 01

  Oh, my other kin. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

• 52:56Speaker 06

  Because he follows it up with, what if it was your girlfriend or boyfriend? Who said they were a zoophile or a furry? It was just unbelievably strange.

• 53:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 53:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is not school.

• 53:08Dax Shepard?

  No. This is his own narcissistic masturbatory.

• 53:13Speaker 06

  This is like the ending of my sophomore year. And I'm like, this guy is really fucking weird. So I decided to Google him because I'm a stalker at heart. And if something's on the internet, I'm gonna find it. There are countless articles about him debunking his claims and tearing him apart because he calls himself a doctor and makes medical claims which are false. His main claim was that an elderflower pill can replace the flu vaccine, which is also the other pictures that I sent in. One is just a screenshot of Google of all of the articles. And the other is his claim.

• 53:57Dax Shepard?

  Can I ask, how long had this charter school been in operation when you joined? How long was he holding court like this? And how on earth were no students flagging this to anyone?

• 54:07Speaker 06

  As of right now, it's been open in like ten years. And he had worked there for maybe two years at the time.

• 54:13Dax Shepard?

  I imagine his confidence was just growing. He didn't start out this hardcore like, hey, what do you want your boyfriend to be? Or if you're a stripper on your period? I mean, it feels like you'd have to ramp up to that. And like you kept not getting busted for being inappropriate and then.

• 54:26Speaker 01

  Well, if he's a father figure and people are looking up to him, he's scary. Ugh, disgusting.

• 54:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, the principal loved him because he was a doctor. He was a wonderful asset to the school.

• 54:37Dax Shepard?

  And had gotten rid of the principal's eczema.

• 54:41Speaker 06

  It was impossible to get fired from that school, too. There's some like crazy stuff that had gone on there. So in the beginning of my junior year, now that I had taken a class with him, he obviously knew me very personally and could now diagnose me. So I ended up having a seizure within the first like month of my junior year because of a side effect of Wellbutrin.

• 55:05Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 55:06Speaker 06

  And it's like one of the most common side effects. It was a one time event, never happened again. So I'm telling my friend about this. I'm like, girl, you're never gonna guess why I wasn't here the other day. And he overhears this conversation and he comes up to me and he's like, you need to stop taking all of your meds. And this was exciting for me. I'm like, oh, my gosh, this is my first, I'm finally getting medical advice from this crazy man. Obviously, I continue taking my medication. And a couple of weeks later, I am complaining to the same friend about period cramps. And he looks at me and says, those aren't period cramps you're having.

• 55:49Speaker 06

  And instead, it's a bug in my stomach that has been passed down through generations of my family and that I need to go get tested. He says it like it's like a friggin STD. I'm just kind of okaying my way through the situation because that's what I've learned best with him. If you just like go, okay, you know, he's always right, no matter what. And he stops talking and he looks at me and he goes, Alexis, I don't think you're taking me seriously.

• 56:18Speaker 01

  Ew.

• 56:19Speaker 06

  And is like super like stern and mean about it. He kind of just shrugs it off and suggests I take a garlic pill. He ended up getting fired finally because he was using students as examples in class. There was this like classic high school couple who ended up breaking up. And he was using this as this example. And that was the final straw.

• 56:46Dax Shepard?

  Wow, it's kind of shocking that that was versus all the others.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's kind of like when you talk about bottoms. And it's like, there's so many bottoms, but the actual bottom is never really the worst one.

• 56:56Dax Shepard?

  Oh, right, right.

• 56:57Speaker 01

  But that's because if someone told their parents and a parent probably complained.

• 57:00Speaker 06

  I'm not entirely sure because he had talked to parents and offered medical advice to parents about their kids. Like one of my best friends during parent teacher conferences, he suggested to her mom that she get taken off of Lexapro.

• 57:18Dax Shepard?

  I'm mildly delighted he got fired for that. I thought for sure this is gonna end up with him in an inappropriate relationship with the student. Cause he's like, I'm a father, I'm a trusted. He's clearly an ego. Yeah, he's an egomaniac and a narcissist.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  He was on his way to cult leader, which always involves sex.

• 57:35Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 57:36Speaker 06

  He does work with children now, still. I would like to add just some other additional fun facts about him. He had a human skull in his room. He did not know who it belonged to. He just kind of had it, which I don't think is ethical. He told us in depth about his suicide attempt and experiences with acid. And then one day, my friend was experiencing a UTI and he found out and told her unprompted that she needs to start having more phone sex with her girlfriend.

• 58:15Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 58:15Speaker 06

  Because she's having sex on the weekends, but not enough sex during the weekdays. So she needs to have phone sex.

• 58:24Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 58:24Speaker 01

  This is.

• 58:25Dax Shepard?

  This is insane. It sounds like a horror movie, kind of, right?

• 58:28Speaker 01

  It does.

• 58:29Speaker 06

  When I told my friends I was going on this podcast, they were all like, holy shit. Because everyone's a victim of Mr. Teacher.

• 58:39Speaker 01

  Yuck.

• 58:39Dax Shepard?

  No, thank you.

• 58:40Speaker 01

  You would kill him.

• 58:41Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I might have him take a look at my psoriatic arthritis, see if he's got another perspective on how I can approach it. Yeah, no, no. If my daughters came home and gave me this report, it would be very hard for me not to drive up to the school and yeah, get, get physical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.

• 58:57Speaker 01

  That's a story.

• 58:58Dax Shepard?

  Well, Alexis, it's so nice meeting you. I'm glad you made it through and I'm glad he got canned.

• 59:04Speaker 06

  Right? I would love to shout out my mom. She is a reading teacher and a very good one at that. We listen to this all of the time.

• 59:13Dax Shepard?

  Shout out, mom. All right, well, have a great rest of your day and have fun in college.

• 59:17Speaker 06

  You too. Thank you so much.

• 59:19Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care.

• 59:21Speaker 01

  That was a good prompt.

• 59:23Dax Shepard?

  It really was. All right, love you.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  Love you.

• 59:27Speaker 07

  Do you want to sing a tune or something? We have a theme song.

• 59:29Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions. And with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. On the fire, rhyme dish, on the fire, rhyme dish, enjoy.