Jack McBrayer

Jack McBrayer (Zillow Gone Wild, 30 Rock, Wreck-It Ralph) is an Emmy-nominated actor, and comedian. Jack joins Armchair Expert to discuss growing up in a family of school teachers, finding his people in Chicago improv, and why he’s wary of letting too much private silliness become public record. Jack and Dax talk about the early magic of Second City, his steel trap memory for dates and birthdays, and the wild houses and homeowners of Zillow Gone Wild. Jack explains why reading the room isn’t the same as being inauthentic, how suntanning is his version of meditation in a chaotic world, and why sometimes your skin feeling tight is enough reason to leap into the next chapter. Sign up now in the app or at grubhub.com/plus/golddays to unlock exclusive Gold Days deals. Check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds: https://www.allstate.com/ See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome.

• 0:01Speaker 01

  Oh, no, what happened?

• 0:03Dax Shepard?

  I don't know. You know, the yips, we just had a, we had a guest on talking about the yips.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Oh, right.

• 0:09Dax Shepard?

  So athletes famously get the yips. And what if I got the yip that I couldn't say, welcome, welcome?

• 0:14Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 0:15Dax Shepard?

  That's how crazy the yips are.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  I know.

• 0:17Dax Shepard?

  Take this thing you can do, you've done for decades and all of a sudden you mentally can't do it.

• 0:21Speaker 01

  Well, that's such a ding ding ding, because I'm reading a, rereading a book right now called Art of Fielding. That is this.

• 0:28Dax Shepard?

  It is.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  It's about the yips.

• 0:29Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Lily Padman.

• 0:35Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 0:35Dax Shepard?

  And today we have a very, very, very funny young man, a young boy.

• 0:40Speaker 01

  Funniest.

• 0:41Dax Shepard?

  He's the cutest and the funniest. He's also an Emmy Award nominated actor and comedian, Jack McBrayer. 30 Rock, Wreck it Ralph, Zillow Gone Wild, ding ding ding ding, my new favorite show, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Another ding ding ding.

• 0:57Dax Shepard?

  Very memorable. Uh, season three is airing right now of Zillow Gone Wild on HGTV. Or you could stream it on HBO Max. That's what we're doing. Give a little pro tip.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  Do that.

• 1:11Dax Shepard?

  But yeah, if you follow the account Zillow Gone Wild, which I do, it's a great Instagram account. It's all these very unique homes, unique.

• 1:17Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:19Dax Shepard?

  And Jack goes and visits these and they're incredible. And before we go, I want to announce some summer Armchair Anonymous prompts.

• 1:27Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 1:28Dax Shepard?

  Here we go. Tell us a foreign object story in body.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Foreign object in body.

• 1:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, foreign object in body. We love that one. Let's go around three or four of that.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

• 1:40Dax Shepard?

  Tell us about a time you fought a wild animal.

• 1:42Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 1:43Dax Shepard?

  Tell us about a crazy family secret.

• 1:45Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:47Dax Shepard?

  Tell us a crazy stalking story. Oh, we dare go back to stalking. They've all been so scary.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  Stalking is scary.

• 1:54Dax Shepard?

  Tell us a crazy home intruder story. Okay, so we have foreign object in body, fighting a wild animal, crazy family secret, crazy stalking story, or crazy home intruder story. Uh, go to ArmchairExpertPod.com to submit your story. And Emma, we'll sift through those and pick somebody and hopefully we'll get to talk to you.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  We'll talk to you.

• 2:16Dax Shepard?

  Please submit. Uh, please enjoy Jack McBrayer. We get support from Quince.

• 2:23Speaker 01

  I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.

• 2:31Dax Shepard?

  I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince, because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up. And everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  $60, $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories, they skip the middlemen, and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.

• 3:12Dax Shepard?

  The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time, and he looks iconic.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  It's a uniform.

• 3:22Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel-quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully-designed furniture. You can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home, too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.

• 3:40Dax Shepard?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. We get support from AG1. Fall is that time when your body and mind are getting ready for the winter. You're settling in, bracing for the cold. Your body's already running a deficit from the shorter days and broken sleep patterns. You don't want a nutrient deficit stacked on top of that, too.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  That's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time. It's giving your body what it needs so the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start. One scoop, cold water every morning before anything else.

• 4:29Dax Shepard?

  AG1 Next Gen has 75 plus ingredients, vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics, superfoods, backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials. Key nutrient levels improved with three months of consistent use.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  That's the part people miss. It's not a one day fix. It's what happens when you stay consistent.

• 4:47Dax Shepard?

  It's an easy, everyday thing. I've added it to my morning routine and I'm going to tell you, I actually love the taste of it. It's like Pavlovian. I drink it and I know, mm, I'm going to get that little vitamin buzz.

• 4:57Speaker 01

  Well, that's also the thing. When you do it first thing in the morning, you already feel kind of self-esteem because you're like, I already did something good for myself.

• 5:04Dax Shepard?

  Yes. Go to drinkag1.com/dax and for a limited time, get a free immunity bundle, including a bottle of omega three fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D3 K2 with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/dax. And after checkout, be sure to let them know that Armchair Experts sent you.

• 5:46Speaker 01

  I'm actually in Georgia.

• 5:48Speaker 02

  I don't give up.

• 5:48Speaker 01

  I did that on purpose for you.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  But you didn't go.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  I went.

• 5:52Speaker 02

  You did.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  I sure did. I sure did.

• 5:56Dax Shepard?

  Tell me all about it. I see you have some notes prepared?

• 6:00Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 6:01Dax Shepard?

  This is your, the first guest to come with their own notes. Dueling notes.

• 6:05Speaker 02

  No, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this.

• 6:08Dax Shepard?

  I don't want to do this.

• 6:09Speaker 02

  Syria killed that.

• 6:12Speaker 01

  I no longer want to be here.

• 6:14Speaker 02

  I don't want to be here.

• 6:14Dax Shepard?

  Where are you coming from? Are you on a whirlwind tour right now promoting? Where have you been? Were you in New York a minute ago? Did you just do South? When did you do South?

• 6:22Speaker 02

  Oh gosh, that was back in July. Oh, okay.

• 6:24Speaker 01

  Almost a full year ago.

• 6:27Dax Shepard?

  Yes, more than, yes. Closer to a year ago.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  You are dumb. How do we start this thing?

• 6:35Speaker 01

  We're started.

• 6:36Dax Shepard?

  Where were you?

• 6:37Speaker 02

  Is this it?

• 6:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is it, baby.

• 6:39Speaker 02

  Yada, is it?

• 6:40Dax Shepard?

  Yes, it's almost over.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  What a dream.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  Why has it taken you so long to come on the show? That's our first question.

• 6:46Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you've been invited.

• 6:47Speaker 02

  I didn't have anything to say.

• 6:49Dax Shepard?

  What do you mean?

• 6:50Speaker 02

  Well, now I have a show to talk about. What was I gonna talk about?

• 6:53Dax Shepard?

  Well, let's get into that because I think we deal with this with some guests where like, there's just people we're super interested in. And we're like, hey, we'd love to chat with you. And they're like, I have nothing to promote. And then we think like, is that the only reason to come chat?

• 7:05Speaker 01

  You only love us to promote?

• 7:07Speaker 02

  I don't know. I don't do podcasts. Y'all tell me. Y'all do it.

• 7:10Dax Shepard?

  You did Conan's.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  Because he made me. He did.

• 7:14Dax Shepard?

  But is it your policy if you're not promoting something, you're like, I'm not gonna go? Do you feel silly just doing a podcast without something to promote?

• 7:22Speaker 02

  Well, it's not silly, but I don't know what I would talk about.

• 7:25Dax Shepard?

  You, your life, your interesting life. You don't think there's anything there?

• 7:31Speaker 01

  No, I don't want to.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, see, when we started this show, it was not helping people promote projects. It was just to talk to people and it started out that way. And then it got sort of tricky where people wanted to promote their product. People started using us, you know?

• 7:48Dax Shepard?

  As they should.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  Well, but explain to me what y'all's view of podcasting is.

• 7:54Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 7:55Speaker 02

  Is that fair?

• 7:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 7:56Speaker 01

  Messiness of the.

• 7:57Dax Shepard?

  I would probably start with the fact that I had been a guest on them 10 years ago.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  So before you had your own, you were doing guest?

• 8:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, like I did Marin and I did Chris Hardwick and I did whatever. I did these long form podcasts and I remember thinking, oh, I like that so much more than having seven minutes to be really funny and get your three stories in.

• 8:19Speaker 02

  On the talk show.

• 8:20Dax Shepard?

  And just like being able to relax and shoot the shit, which is my favorite thing to do. I came away from those going like, I actually enjoy that. I love shooting this shit with someone for an hour. Yeah. So that was the motivation to do it is like, I loved being on them. Why not host one?

• 8:37Speaker 02

  But were you on those podcasts to promote something or just to chit chat?

• 8:42Dax Shepard?

  I wanted to be on Maren's show. I wanna be on Chris Hardwick's show. Anything that I like, I just would wanna be on it or involved.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  Like Stern.

• 8:52Dax Shepard?

  Stern was the main dream. Yeah. And then I got to do Stern. Had you listened to Stern ever?

• 8:58Speaker 02

  No.

• 8:58Dax Shepard?

  Never.

• 8:59Speaker 01

  No, not for you.

• 9:00Dax Shepard?

  Do you know who he is?

• 9:01Speaker 02

  Yes, I know who Howard Stern is.

• 9:03Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  I know who Howard Stern is.

• 9:08Dax Shepard?

  I'm certain who Howard Stern is.

• 9:10Speaker 02

  Calvin Stern.

• 9:13Dax Shepard?

  So has there ever been a show like that you liked as a viewer and you wanted to be on as a guest?

• 9:17Speaker 02

  Like a show? Yes, of course.

• 9:19Dax Shepard?

  Tell me.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  A lecture company?

• 9:20Dax Shepard?

  And you got to be on that episode?

• 9:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:22Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  Nailed it. A Netflix baking show.

• 9:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you're a big fan and you wanted to be on?

• 9:28Speaker 02

  A kid's show called Yo Gabba Gabba?

• 9:29Dax Shepard?

  Oh, sure, sure. Jack Black also famously.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 9:33Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 9:33Speaker 02

  All the Jacks.

• 9:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  Jack Nicholson.

• 9:35Dax Shepard?

  Dark Lemon.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  What if the show, it was just listing all the Dax?

• 9:40Dax Shepard?

  You could probably do two hours of a list of Jacks.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  There's a lot of Jacks.

• 9:44Speaker 01

  Jack Kennedy.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  Is Dax a nickname?

• 9:47Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 9:47Speaker 01

  No, full name.

• 9:51Dax Shepard?

  I'm insulted. You're calling bullshit on Dax, right?

• 9:53Speaker 02

  No, no, no. It was just, I really don't know. For example, my real name is Jack and not John.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 9:59Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  So I didn't know if Dax was a nickname for something, but then I couldn't figure out what it would have been.

• 10:03Dax Shepard?

  Dax is the real name and then maybe the nickname is Dan, which is really pedestrian.

• 10:09Speaker 02

  What? You're saying a nickname for Dax would be Dan?

• 10:13Dax Shepard?

  It wouldn't be, but in my case, it has become. Dad and Dan are the two names. Not by my children, but by my friends from Michigan.

• 10:23Speaker 01

  It's confusing for all of us.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  She is rolling her eyes. This is y'all's job.

• 10:29Speaker 01

  I know. Tell me about it.

• 10:33Speaker 02

  Wait, so tell me about UGA. You're not from, from Georgia, are you?

• 10:35Speaker 01

  I'm from Georgia. I'm from Duluth.

• 10:37Dax Shepard?

  What?

• 10:38Speaker 01

  Yes. I know you're from Macon.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  Born in Macon. When I was 15, we moved to Conyers.

• 10:43Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  Right outside Atlanta.

• 10:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:45Speaker 02

  And that's where mom and dad still are. Brother and sister still live in Athens.

• 10:49Speaker 01

  Oh, best place ever. Best place ever. It says the coffee cup. I'm trying to get Dax's children to go there.

• 10:56Speaker 02

  Okay, now, it's hard to get into, probably during your time. During my time, it was not as difficult to get into. Still prestigious.

• 11:03Speaker 01

  Very prestigious school.

• 11:06Dax Shepard?

  Macon, Georgia is 85 miles from Atlanta, something like that, southeast?

• 11:12Speaker 02

  Our 15, yeah. It's right in the middle of the state. When I was there, it was a medium sized town. We had the Allman Brothers. We had Little Richard.

• 11:19Dax Shepard?

  They're both from Macon?

• 11:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:21Dax Shepard?

  So my best friend from childhood moved to Georgia, to Macon County. It's a county, right, as well?

• 11:27Speaker 02

  Macon is a city. Macon County is a different part of Georgia.

• 11:31Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 11:32Speaker 02

  There's a city of Macon and a county of Macon.

• 11:34Dax Shepard?

  Okay, and they're separated?

• 11:35Speaker 02

  They are.

• 11:35Dax Shepard?

  Then all my references make no sense. Cause then, when I would visit, Macon was like rough and tumble.

• 11:40Speaker 02

  So I think there was even a movie back in the whatever decade, Macon County Line, or something like that?

• 11:45Dax Shepard?

  Okay, yeah.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  And I think that is more along the lines of your buddy.

• 11:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it was like very rural. You get beat up pretty easy at the bar.

• 11:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:53Dax Shepard?

  What was the vibe in Macon, the city?

• 11:55Speaker 02

  Very straightforward. We had the Macon Mall.

• 11:58Dax Shepard?

  What'd your mom and dad do?

• 11:59Speaker 02

  School teachers.

• 12:00Dax Shepard?

  Both of them?

• 12:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:01Dax Shepard?

  What subjects?

• 12:02Speaker 02

  Mom has always been health and PE, and daddy has always been social studies.

• 12:06Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I love that he's daddy.

• 12:07Speaker 01

  I know.

• 12:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  No!

• 12:11Dax Shepard?

  Say daddy.

• 12:11Speaker 01

  Keep it. We're never cutting that. We love that.

• 12:15Speaker 02

  Excellent. I'm a grown up.

• 12:16Dax Shepard?

  Did they meet at a school, teaching?

• 12:19Speaker 02

  Oh, no, they met as children. They knew each other from way back. We've just been Macon family for generations. And when we did move to Conyers, when I was 15, they did teach at our high school. Mr. Cresswell, who was our principal, was like daddy's sorority, uh, what is it called?

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Fraternity?

• 12:37Speaker 02

  Fraternity brother.

• 12:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:39Speaker 02

  At Georgia Southern. And so there was an opening for- Two teachers and so Mr. Cresswell just called up mom and dad. So mom and dad were teachers at my school where also my brother who's two years older than me. My sister who's two years younger than me. We all went there, so I was always at school with at least three members of my family.

• 12:55Dax Shepard?

  Oh my god. Yeah, does that not ruin your schooling experience?

• 12:59Speaker 02

  I mean, I wasn't a bad kid.

• 13:00Speaker 01

  But maybe because of that.

• 13:01Dax Shepard?

  Couldn't be.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was terrified. Lonely downfall, like if I crapped out on a test or something, my mom would hear about it before I did.

• 13:09Dax Shepard?

  Oh, they would go and run and tell.

• 13:11Speaker 02

  Well, they'd be in the teacher's lounge and Miss Garrison would be like, Jack really shit the bed. I don't think that's what they said.

• 13:17Dax Shepard?

  Kind of language they use. That's where they would get nasty. That's the side of your mom, you don't even want to know about that happens in the teacher's lounge.

• 13:23Speaker 02

  Why would you even say this?

• 13:24Dax Shepard?

  Smoking cigarettes and drinking black coffee?

• 13:26Speaker 02

  Absolutely not. Black coffee. Grow up. That's the worst part.

• 13:31Dax Shepard?

  Did either of your parents smoke?

• 13:32Speaker 02

  Oh, gosh, no.

• 13:33Dax Shepard?

  Well, don't say, oh, gosh, no. My parents smoked.

• 13:36Speaker 02

  Are you bragging?

• 13:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, a little bit.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  They were super cool.

• 13:39Dax Shepard?

  But we're children of the seventies. You'd agree with a lot of parents for banging darts.

• 13:43Speaker 02

  What?

• 13:43Dax Shepard?

  Smoking cigarettes.

• 13:50Speaker 02

  Tax.

• 13:50Dax Shepard?

  I feel like he just came out of the nineteen thirty's. He was so innocent.

• 13:54Speaker 02

  Well, ours is just the words you're saying. Bangin' darts means smoking cigarettes?

• 13:58Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:59Speaker 02

  Did you know that?

• 14:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, because he says it all the time.

• 14:02Speaker 02

  Did you know it before he said it?

• 14:03Speaker 01

  That's a great question. It is a phrase I probably have not.

• 14:06Speaker 02

  What are you throwing at me? What was that?

• 14:08Speaker 01

  Uh oh.

• 14:08Dax Shepard?

  Nicotine spray.

• 14:09Speaker 02

  Why are you doing this?

• 14:11Dax Shepard?

  What?

• 14:11Speaker 02

  It's okay, Jack. It's okay.

• 14:13Dax Shepard?

  Casual conversation.

• 14:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:15Dax Shepard?

  Where you excuse yourself? Would you rather I light up a cigarette and bang a dart in front of you? Or would you rather I just do a nice little squirt?

• 14:21Speaker 02

  How often do you do it?

• 14:23Speaker 01

  A lot.

• 14:24Dax Shepard?

  Thirty times a day, maybe more.

• 14:26Speaker 02

  Does one squirt equal a cigarette?

• 14:27Dax Shepard?

  No, no, no. Two squirts equals one milligram. That doesn't mean anything to you, but no, it's a moderate dosage of, yeah. But let's put it this way, you know, everyone does those little pouches now? Well, those pouches range from four milligrams a pouch to thirteen.

• 14:44Dax Shepard?

  And this is one milligram.

• 14:46Speaker 02

  For two sprays.

• 14:47Speaker 01

  So is baby stuff. Do you have any vices?

• 14:50Speaker 02

  I mean, daddy likes his medicine.

• 14:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you like to drink, right?

• 14:54Speaker 02

  Well, I don't.

• 14:55Speaker 01

  I do.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  Seek it out.

• 14:56Speaker 01

  You don't?

• 14:56Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 14:57Dax Shepard?

  Why not seek it out?

• 14:58Speaker 01

  You think it just appears?

• 14:59Dax Shepard?

  People knock on the door and hand it to you?

• 15:00Speaker 02

  This is magical elixir.

• 15:03Dax Shepard?

  Where did these come from?

• 15:04Speaker 02

  No, when I'm sitting out by the pool, yes, a nice Bud Light. If I'm going to a Mexican restaurant, sure, a margarita. But also, like, sometimes I just feel like I'm pretending of like how grownups work. I'm just like, hmm, what is your Sauvignon Blanc situation?

• 15:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're like cosplaying as an adult.

• 15:21Speaker 02

  I mean, that's the story of my life. Half the time, I'm just like, oh, property tax.

• 15:27Speaker 02

  Miles per gallon.

• 15:29Dax Shepard?

  These are adult concepts.

• 15:31Speaker 02

  Tasting menu.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  Bangin' darts.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  Bangin' darts. Please pass the bang to darts.

• 15:36Dax Shepard?

  But when you get blasted, you'll get blasted, right?

• 15:38Speaker 02

  Well, I don't care for that term.

• 15:40Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you don't?

• 15:41Speaker 02

  I mean, if you're at a party, sure, I like to have fun. But also, I'm old enough now to know how bad the next day feels if you get too blasted.

• 15:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, not knackered.

• 15:53Speaker 01

  What's your preferred word?

• 15:54Speaker 02

  Tempted by the devil. The devil's syrup.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly, exactly. I like it, too.

• 16:00Dax Shepard?

  What was the older brother like that's two years older than you?

• 16:03Speaker 02

  Pete, very intellectual, about to celebrate his retirement.

• 16:07Dax Shepard?

  What?

• 16:07Speaker 02

  He works at the UGA library. He does IT.

• 16:10Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, cool.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  Y'all might have run into each other.

• 16:13Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  He's been there for many, many, many, many, many years.

• 16:15Speaker 01

  Pete, I wish I had, I wish I could say I had.

• 16:17Speaker 02

  You never went to the library?

• 16:19Dax Shepard?

  She's never had any technical issues while she was at the library to consult.

• 16:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was into more hardback books.

• 16:26Speaker 02

  You're so analog.

• 16:28Speaker 01

  I am, that's what they say about me.

• 16:29Speaker 02

  You love IT.

• 16:30Dax Shepard?

  He was super smart. Was he nerdy?

• 16:32Speaker 02

  He loved reading and he loves math.

• 16:34Dax Shepard?

  Was he hanging out with the jocks or was he hanging out with the mathletes?

• 16:38Speaker 02

  He loved his books. There was a great deal of reading.

• 16:41Dax Shepard?

  Okay, how about your little sister? What was her vibe?

• 16:43Speaker 02

  She was in the plays with me in high school. And then she went on at UGA, I think she was getting a degree in journalism, but was waiting tables at the Athens Country Club. And then during the course of that, just as the years progressed, promoted, promoted, promoted, became the general manager at the Athens Country Club.

• 17:02Dax Shepard?

  So they're both in Athens?

• 17:03Speaker 02

  Both in Athens. Katie has since moved away from hospitality. She is a sixth grade math teacher in Athens.

• 17:09Dax Shepard?

  What rung of the ladder were you at in school? Like, what was your crew?

• 17:14Speaker 02

  Oh, I don't know. I mean, I can talk to wallpaper. So it's not like I was specific. I could kind of sit at any lunch table I wanted to, just because like, what am I gonna do?

• 17:24Dax Shepard?

  You were friendly?

• 17:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:26Dax Shepard?

  You weren't into athletics at all, were you?

• 17:28Speaker 02

  I mean, I tried cross country for like half an hour. But I talked to my parents. I was like, if I audition for the play, I might not be able to do all these meets and stuff. And so I talked to the coach, Coach Fifield, and he just let me do the plays and that kind of set the course for me.

• 17:42Dax Shepard?

  You used plays as an excuse to drop out of cross country?

• 17:46Speaker 02

  I use it as an excuse.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  It is his whole career.

• 17:50Dax Shepard?

  A justification.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  Thank you, Monica. I feel seen and respected. Go bang that hash.

• 17:56Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  Dart.

• 17:57Speaker 02

  Bang those darts.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  You're gonna get it by the end.

• 17:59Dax Shepard?

  You know what's fun? In the audience right now, you've set the hook, basically, which is this is all of a sudden. You coast under this. You speak very nicely. You're very kind. You're offended by some words. And then come to find out, you're a very dark rascal.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  You're a dirty boy, Jack. We've read some texts.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 18:20Dax Shepard?

  We come prepared. Will you just explain your approach with birthday greetings? Please explain it.

• 18:29Speaker 02

  All right. I love reaching out on people's birthdays.

• 18:33Speaker 01

  It's really nice.

• 18:34Speaker 02

  And because it is a personal message to them, not to be shared with the universe.

• 18:39Dax Shepard?

  I need this.

• 18:40Speaker 02

  I feel liberated to speak freely and playfully. So yeah, I will use some off-color language.

• 18:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I'll just say, yo.

• 18:50Speaker 02

  No.

• 18:52Speaker 01

  What do you think is gonna hap- okay, this is interesting. What's gonna happen?

• 18:55Dax Shepard?

  I feel like he's sincere about this.

• 18:56Speaker 01

  I know. I do too. Like, you really don't want people to see this side.

• 19:00Dax Shepard?

  Did it know that you used the word bitch?

• 19:01Speaker 02

  I've never done that.

• 19:04Dax Shepard?

  Oh my gosh.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  Listen, my point being, okay.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  It's the best part. It's so fun.

• 19:09Speaker 02

  But here's the thing, we're going back to podcasting. This is very public venue for that kind of thing. And I have interactions in my life that perhaps are not meant for public consumption.

• 19:22Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 19:22Speaker 02

  And there's nothing wrong with either, but you understand the dilemma, no?

• 19:29Dax Shepard?

  Well, I don't, and I really would like to sincerely hear from you. This perfectly lands us to urinate fun chasm as just personality types, right? I am like, this is me, y'all. And if you don't like it, I can accept that. But what I refuse to do is act like anything but my full self at all times.

• 19:50Speaker 01

  He's on one side of the spectrum.

• 19:52Dax Shepard?

  Right. I'm on one side, which is like, yes, I have fucked too many people and I'm an addict and I have treated people badly and I've stole. Okay, you know all the dirt.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  Stole?

• 20:02Dax Shepard?

  Quite a bit. Thievery, Jack, do you know? I don't use the word stole.

• 20:08Speaker 01

  What was it?

• 20:09Dax Shepard?

  I didn't try. You always say try.

• 20:10Speaker 01

  Well, because I thought you said it got stuck.

• 20:12Dax Shepard?

  I just wasn't able to liberate the coins from the thing. Once I got it into my apartment, but I did steal the parking meter.

• 20:18Speaker 01

  He stole a parking meter, but he couldn't get the coins.

• 20:21Dax Shepard?

  Lots of stuff.

• 20:21Speaker 02

  That's illegal.

• 20:22Dax Shepard?

  Point is, life's too fucking short.

• 20:24Speaker 02

  To not steal a parking meter.

• 20:26Dax Shepard?

  Well, that too. But to have a version of myself I'm protecting from, quote, "the broader world."

• 20:34Speaker 02

  Rebuttal?

• 20:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:36Dax Shepard?

  So that's just where I come from.

• 20:37Speaker 02

  Great.

• 20:38Dax Shepard?

  And then, yes, I feel your reservation. I'm dying to know what it's all about.

• 20:41Speaker 02

  For me, I can speak to you in a way that I'm not going to speak to a six-year-old. I speak to a stranger in a way that I don't speak to a college roommate. I mean, call that what you will. I don't think I'm being inauthentic. I think I'm reading the room.

• 20:57Dax Shepard?

  Well, that's true. That's really true.

• 20:59Speaker 01

  Code switching a little bit, perhaps.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  Call it what you want.

• 21:02Dax Shepard?

  But do you have a fear that you would say something that the general public would react really terribly to?

• 21:09Speaker 02

  I would not send a text that I send to your lovely wife, Kristen Bell.

• 21:14Dax Shepard?

  Where you use the word bitch pretty recklessly.

• 21:17Speaker 02

  Allegedly.

• 21:20Dax Shepard?

  And expertly, I'll add.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're incredible.

• 21:23Dax Shepard?

  Okay. They're incredible because they're so long and nice for a very long time. And then they always end with you fucking bitch or some kind of horrendous.

• 21:32Speaker 02

  I'm sick of these lies. My point being, I love conversation. Like, let's go out to dinner. Let's have these conversations.

• 21:40Dax Shepard?

  Well, yeah.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  You're saying it as if like.

• 21:42Dax Shepard?

  It's standard.

• 21:43Speaker 01

  It's standard. And I think also, over time, privacy is not a thing anymore. Now that there's social media, people are putting their whole selves out there. I don't think you're on Instagram, are you?

• 21:53Speaker 02

  No.

• 21:53Speaker 01

  You've remained kind of private, but. We live in a public world.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  You do.

• 21:59Speaker 01

  Exactly. No, and I think it's actually wise that you've remained outside of it.

• 22:03Speaker 02

  For me, it's all about sanity and calm and avoidance of chaos.

• 22:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is chaotic.

• 22:10Dax Shepard?

  And you think you've always been that way? Or do you think nurture wise, there was some bit of chaos you didn't like?

• 22:16Speaker 02

  No, I mean, I think I would be the first to admit I probably have some control issues. And maybe this is how it manifests. You know, there's so much that we can't control.

• 22:24Dax Shepard?

  Let me ask you a very hard question and a sincere one. Do you feel like there's parts of yourself that you were hiding for a long time growing up and that that became part of?

• 22:32Speaker 02

  No, I mean, like, I am who I am. And I've always had great friends.

• 22:37Speaker 01

  We met one of your friends here.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  Who?

• 22:40Dax Shepard?

  I told you immediately, Alexander Skarsgård, who I didn't have any feelings about one way or another. Just I admired him in movies and thought his body was gorgeous and true was. And when he told me you're his best friend, the amount that he like ratcheted up in my head as a person. And I told you immediately.

• 23:00Speaker 01

  Very telling. We were like, oh, you're so cool.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  He's the best. He's just one of my favorite people.

• 23:07Dax Shepard?

  How did you meet him?

• 23:08Speaker 02

  We met May 13th, 2010, in New York City.

• 23:12Dax Shepard?

  Wait, you know the date? Say it again.

• 23:14Speaker 02

  May 13th, 2012.

• 23:16Dax Shepard?

  You have that kind of memory or just for that date in particular?

• 23:20Speaker 02

  For a lot of things. Well, yeah. I call you on your birthday every year.

• 23:24Dax Shepard?

  You're so good about the birthdays.

• 23:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:26Dax Shepard?

  And you need to know how you keep track of everyone's birthday.

• 23:29Speaker 02

  Do keep it in a calendar, but for some reason I do just know it like what are you generating second?

• 23:33Speaker 01

  Yes, that was really good.

• 23:36Speaker 02

  It's weird.

• 23:37Dax Shepard?

  I think you might have this borderline super memory thing. Cause also with the people's names already, like the gym teacher for one quarter, the whole thing. And then these dates, there's a huge overlap with people with that condition and OCD. Are you a little OCD?

• 23:52Speaker 02

  Now, see, I don't know the answer to that. You know, there are some people who have legit OCD who can't leave the house without flipping light switches and stuff.

• 23:58Dax Shepard?

  For sure.

• 23:59Speaker 02

  That's not me.

• 23:59Dax Shepard?

  What does your closet look like?

• 24:01Speaker 02

  It's immaculate.

• 24:01Dax Shepard?

  So there was a 60 minute segment on it. This is how I even know this. And they went around and talked to different super memory people and they went into all their closets. And Mary, this famous actress.

• 24:10Speaker 02

  Mary Lou Hinner.

• 24:11Dax Shepard?

  Yes, she has it.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  I remember.

• 24:17Dax Shepard?

  You didn't even see the segment and you remember it somehow.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  Well, she's famous.

• 24:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, but then her closet was like the most color coordinated, immaculate.

• 24:25Speaker 02

  I'll send you a photo. It's perfect. It looks like a Uniqlo or something.

• 24:28Dax Shepard?

  How much do you work on it? Well, how many hours a week do you spend managing that?

• 24:32Speaker 02

  The thing, once you set up your system, all you gotta do is maintain.

• 24:35Dax Shepard?

  Okay. And that takes just 20, 30 minutes a week? What's your policy? You get undressed at night? Walk me through it.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  I've said too much.

• 24:44Dax Shepard?

  I sleep clothes. I don't want any strangers to think I sleep.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  Outfit that I'm wearing tomorrow. No, but I don't care for dirty clothes laying around. So I have a hamper, but then I don't let it pile up too much because I don't like that.

• 24:55Dax Shepard?

  Do you step into your closet clothes and then begin undressing and putting items in the hamper? And then rehanging the things that won't get washed? Does it all happen in the closet or will you sometimes get disrobed in the bedroom? And then move the whole project to the, I think this is telling.

• 25:13Speaker 02

  It is.

• 25:13Dax Shepard?

  I do.

• 25:14Speaker 02

  No, for me is the closet, just because you want to keep the stuff.

• 25:17Dax Shepard?

  Yes, I had a hunch it all took place in the closet. Whereas I'm walking and I'm taking clothes off and I'm throwing one on the bed. And then I'm throwing one over here. I'll ultimately gather it all, but I don't go to the designated spot.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  This is interesting.

• 25:28Speaker 02

  What do you do?

• 25:29Speaker 01

  I now, as of a couple of months ago, have a walk-in closet.

• 25:34Speaker 02

  It makes a difference.

• 25:34Speaker 01

  It makes a huge difference because now everything happens in the closet. And I before was a mess.

• 25:40Dax Shepard?

  Really, really.

• 25:42Speaker 01

  It's just everywhere and I would throw it. I'd throw it on this cushion and then some on the bed. But now that I'm a good steward of my belongings, I do that. I take off my clothes in the closet. I'll put them in the hamper. I'll hang the thing so it looks nice.

• 25:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. And then you'll get into your nighttime wardrobe, your jam jams.

• 26:00Speaker 01

  Still in the closet.

• 26:01Dax Shepard?

  What do you sleep in, Jack?

• 26:03Speaker 02

  Fella, no.

• 26:06Speaker 01

  Boxers, jammies.

• 26:07Dax Shepard?

  I would have never guessed that Jack would be our hardest interview.

• 26:09Speaker 01

  I know.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  This is hard.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  No, it's fun, it's fun.

• 26:12Dax Shepard?

  You won't even say what you sleep in.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  It's nobody's business.

• 26:15Dax Shepard?

  Oh my gosh.

• 26:17Speaker 01

  Okay, but his part of this might be a little southern.

• 26:19Dax Shepard?

  I'm not laying him off that easy. Something else is going on, but I'll let it slide.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  We'll get there, we'll get there.

• 26:24Dax Shepard?

  But the notion that people knowing what you sleep in might be...

• 26:27Speaker 02

  It's nobody's business.

• 26:29Speaker 01

  He sleeps in meundies.

• 26:31Dax Shepard?

  I sleep, no, I, I sleep in pajama pants and a wife beater.

• 26:35Speaker 02

  That's a great story.

• 26:39Dax Shepard?

  And I have to, because Jack, my legs get sweaty when I sleep.

• 26:42Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 26:43Dax Shepard?

  Do your legs get sweaty?

• 26:44Speaker 02

  Why would you think this is information I'm gonna share with strangers?

• 26:48Speaker 01

  We're not strangers, we're best friends of yours.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  These are...

• 26:53Speaker 01

  Oh, sure, yeah.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  What is wrong with y'all? Why would you think this is appropriate?

• 26:59Dax Shepard?

  If we were at lunch, would you tell me?

• 27:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:01Dax Shepard?

  You would, okay. That's good, that's good. There is a circle I could enter. Okay, I gotta go back to your bits, because they're so good. So less people think you're such a goody-goody.

• 27:09Speaker 02

  I'm not a goody-goody, I swear.

• 27:12Dax Shepard?

  You do?

• 27:13Speaker 02

  And for getting Thera Marshall, I said some very racy things.

• 27:16Speaker 01

  Dirty stuff.

• 27:17Speaker 02

  Dirty, grown up things.

• 27:19Speaker 01

  Grown ups.

• 27:20Speaker 02

  Rrrr. Annuities.

• 27:22Dax Shepard?

  That was a character.

• 27:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:24Speaker 02

  But Jack McBrayer was saying it.

• 27:26Dax Shepard?

  That's true.

• 27:27Speaker 01

  I think on 30 Rock, you said probably some stuff too, but less.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  Rare swear words and more just crazy words, made up words. You know, we're celebrating 20 years since that thing premiered?

• 27:38Speaker 01

  Twenty? That makes me feel old.

• 27:41Dax Shepard?

  Two thousand and six?

• 27:44Speaker 02

  You did it.

• 27:45Dax Shepard?

  Wait, Jack, do you love acting? And I'm being sincere now, because you get to play a different person and you're not really responsible for it.

• 27:52Speaker 02

  Have you seen the characters I play? I do not have range, fella. I smile, I talk southern, I say weird stuff.

• 28:00Dax Shepard?

  Right, that you don't normally say.

• 28:02Speaker 02

  In front of people.

• 28:04Dax Shepard?

  Right, but in the shows, you have to say it in front of people. Is that liberating?

• 28:08Speaker 02

  Well, because then I can blame it on the character, I reckon.

• 28:10Dax Shepard?

  Yes. What I can tell is that you're not at all burdened by this. Like, this would burden me to have two different presenting versions of myself. Like, one I do here, and one I do here, and one I do there. That, to me, would feel burdensome.

• 28:24Speaker 02

  Well, now, I do have to ask, and I'll ask both of y'all. Do y'all feel that I behave very differently? To me, I feel like even when I'm making remarks to your wife on her birthday.

• 28:35Dax Shepard?

  Foul remark.

• 28:37Speaker 01

  Really bad stuff.

• 28:38Speaker 02

  It's still me, just being in a more playful manner.

• 28:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. So, from my point of view, that side of you is so appealing. I can't even imagine constructing some story where everyone wouldn't like that.

• 28:51Speaker 02

  I'm not gonna say those words in front of six-year-olds.

• 28:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, but there's no six-year-olds listening. It's okay.

• 28:56Speaker 02

  On Zillow Gone Wild.

• 28:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, we don't have a six-year-old audience.

• 29:01Dax Shepard?

  On Wild, yes. You have to meet whatever the tone of the show is where it's at, for sure. Okay, one other one you did. Well, you've done a bunch of great bits, which is you have been to many functions at our house, or parties, I guess, and they're not functions.

• 29:14Speaker 02

  You know, this is the first time me seeing this house.

• 29:15Dax Shepard?

  That's too long. And we haven't had as many socially things, because kids, probably, I would say.

• 29:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, no.

• 29:21Dax Shepard?

  But one time, you came over, you called on the way and asked Kristen, is there anything I could bring over? And she said, no, we're all sorted. And then you stopped anyways, and you got a bag of, like, Ruffles at the store, brought them, put them on the counter, and didn't make a big deal of it, and then left. And after you left, we had discovered that you had left the receipt on it, and you had circled in highlighter how much you had spent. And then, and then you wrote a little note that said, this is my business manager's email. Please reimburse me for these chips.

• 29:54Speaker 02

  Okay, I don't remember doing that.

• 29:55Dax Shepard?

  You don't remember that?

• 29:56Speaker 02

  No.

• 29:57Dax Shepard?

  And then here's an even better one in the same vein.

• 30:00Speaker 02

  That's funny.

• 30:00Speaker 01

  You're getting really exposed.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  But that's what I'm saying playful bits that are for y'all. And I realize for your podcast, we're telling the world about it.

• 30:09Speaker 01

  But they're so good.

• 30:11Dax Shepard?

  And then this one's the best. Another time you came to a party, you didn't bring anything, or if you did, you didn't leave a receipt. So we're like, oh, that's.

• 30:19Speaker 02

  Always bring something.

• 30:21Dax Shepard?

  You, okay.

• 30:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:22Dax Shepard?

  Then you did.

• 30:22Speaker 02

  It's Georgia.

• 30:23Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 30:24Dax Shepard?

  You did. I just, we missed it and there wasn't a whole receipt thing. So we almost had that letdown of like, oh, man, Jack McBrayer was here, but there's no bit. Where's the paper trail? And then a full week later, we received mail from the post office. And when we opened it up, it was a letter to us saying that you'd had a nice time at the party and that you submitting your invoice for the personal appearance fee of $12,000. But that you were going to make some deductions because there were other celebrities there that helped you share the burden.

• 30:56Speaker 02

  Yes. Oh, no.

• 30:58Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Darcie was there and you deducted 1,500. Ryan Hansen was there and you deducted another 1,500.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 31:06Dax Shepard?

  So it brought us down to, yeah, like $8,000.

• 31:08Speaker 01

  What a joy you are to have as a friend.

• 31:10Speaker 02

  But see, that's fun and that's playful. Like, that's fun.

• 31:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, you don't mind that story. So I want to know how much of your day between the birthdays, clearly you call someone every day. It's someone's birthday every day, right?

• 31:24Speaker 02

  You're not wrong. Today I had six.

• 31:26Dax Shepard?

  You had six birthdays.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  No way.

• 31:27Dax Shepard?

  See, this makes me think of like Sedaris and his postcard routine. This is a commitment.

• 31:32Speaker 02

  But also, how much time does that take? I mean, you talk to somebody for two minutes on the phone.

• 31:36Speaker 01

  That's really nice. I hate to add one to your list.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  Don't.

• 31:39Speaker 01

  I'd love, I'd love to be a part of the receiving.

• 31:43Dax Shepard?

  August 24th.

• 31:45Speaker 01

  You know, I want one of these like bad, bad texts, you know, that Kristen gets.

• 31:50Speaker 02

  Are you gonna post them?

• 31:51Speaker 01

  No, I won't. I promise.

• 31:52Speaker 02

  That's what I'm nervous about. I feel unprotected here.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  I promise I won't.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  I'll do it.

• 31:57Speaker 01

  August 24th, we are gonna quiz you.

• 31:59Speaker 02

  I already have some August 24th.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a common one, actually.

• 32:02Dax Shepard?

  That whole week is insane.

• 32:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:04Dax Shepard?

  In my house.

• 32:04Speaker 02

  Is that true?

• 32:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, my sister, my mom, Monica, my dead grandmother.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  What is nine months prior?

• 32:10Dax Shepard?

  People are going into Christmas.

• 32:12Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:13Speaker 01

  They want that warmth.

• 32:14Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 32:14Speaker 01

  They're seeking out that warmth by the fire.

• 32:18Speaker 02

  Grow up.

• 32:19Speaker 01

  It happened to me. I'm the one that came out of that. I'm allowed to say it.

• 32:24Speaker 02

  Wait, what's your background?

• 32:26Speaker 01

  Oh, gosh.

• 32:28Speaker 02

  Are you a performer?

• 32:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I started out as a performer.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  Did you study theater at UGA?

• 32:32Speaker 01

  I did.

• 32:33Speaker 02

  Wonder if we know people in common.

• 32:35Dax Shepard?

  You're so much older than her, as am I. We're both so much older than her.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  What's wrong with you?

• 32:39Speaker 01

  I know, it's rude.

• 32:40Dax Shepard?

  I know the truth about our ages.

• 32:42Speaker 02

  Shut up.

• 32:43Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 32:43Speaker 02

  Just shut up forever.

• 32:44Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 32:45Speaker 01

  No more talking.

• 32:46Dax Shepard?

  And then she did UCB.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  You did, in New York or LA?

• 32:49Speaker 01

  LA.

• 32:49Speaker 02

  Got it, so we definitely know some people there.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:52Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 32:53Speaker 01

  Crossover.

• 32:53Speaker 02

  Interesting.

• 32:57Dax Shepard?

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert. If you dare. We are supported by Allstate. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that your keys are actually in your hand before you close the car door? Have you ever stood in a parking lot full of sun staring at your keys sitting right there on the seat, four inches away and completely useless to you? It's a very specific kind of humbling. Yeah, checking first is a good idea. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. And for fast, reliable help when you need it, add an Allstate roadside plan today. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary. Insurance and roadside assistance plans are subject to terms, conditions, and availability.

• 33:42Dax Shepard?

  Insurance provided by Allstate North American Insurance Company, Northbrook, Illinois. Roadside assistance plans provided by Allstate Motor Club, Incorporated, an Allstate affiliate. This episode is supported by Dell. Ready to upgrade your PC? The Dell Top Tech Event is here. And you can skip the research because independent tech experts already did it. Dell has laptops, desktops, and monitors that have been tested, reviewed, and named a winner by the publishers you trust. So instead of spending hours researching, you get a shortlist that's already proven. Take the Dell XPS 13 laptop, built for those who want better. Whether you're studying, working, or just getting things done,

• 34:25Dax Shepard?

  its thin and light design makes it easy to take. Anywhere. It has a touchscreen you'll love using, a battery built to last through your busiest days, and impressive performance powered by Intel Core processors. That's the thing about the Dell Top Tech Event. The experts already found the winners. All that's left is finding yours. While shopping, you'll also find perks like Dell Rewards, fast free shipping, premium support, and financing with flexible payment options. Shop the winners now at dell.com/deals. That's dell.com/deals.

• 35:04Dax Shepard?

  This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace, and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing, and Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skill set, a body of work, and it's been private. It's been yours, but at some point, you're ready to put it out there, and that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap. Squarespace makes it feel like a step. Beautiful templates, built-in SEO, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics, everything

• 35:45Dax Shepard?

  you need to go from "I've been working on this" to "Here it is, come find me." All in one place, no code, no stitching together a bunch of different tools. So, if you've been sitting on something and waiting for the right moment, this might be it. Head to Squarespace.com/dax for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 36:10Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Superhuman. I'm someone who wants to do big, meaningful work, but the small stuff eats up my day before I even get to it. The endless emails, docs, scheduling, follow-ups that pile up. By the time all that's cleared, there's no energy left for the ambitious stuff. Most AI tools promise to fix that, but they require opening a new tab, re-explaining everything from scratch every single time. A week later, it's just another thing collecting dust in the browser. From the makers of Grammarly is different. It's already embedded inside the tools people are using. Email, docs, browser. It's not waiting to be found. It's already there, working alongside, clearing what's in the way. So the focus stays on what's actually worth doing. A thought partner that's already up to speed.

• 36:55Dax Shepard?

  No catching it up. It knows the style, the workflows, and it backs people up without getting in the way. At your service, not after your job. That's the difference. Give it a try for yourself. Start streamlining your workflows with Superhuman. Try today at superhuman.com.

• 37:19Dax Shepard?

  Back to you.

• 37:20Speaker 01

  What about you?

• 37:21Dax Shepard?

  Have you ever had any blowback? Like, have you ever said anything that you regretted? Has that happened?

• 37:25Speaker 01

  Publicly.

• 37:26Speaker 02

  Oh, publicly? I'm sure I have. Well, like, in the early days of 30 Rock. Okay, here's a good explanation of something that you seem to be dwelling on.

• 37:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:35Speaker 02

  So my background is in improvisational comedy. And so I was doing that in the mid 90s to the early 2000s in Chicago. That's kind of where I found my legs. Met Tina Fey there. So we're talking Improv Olympic, you're talking Second City, like, fun, established institutions of comedy. And I felt like a million bucks, like I had found my people. I was on top of the world. What I loved about doing improv and doing improv at that time, I could be any character. I could say anything. I could create any scenario. And it was all in the spirit of this ensemble creation of playtime. It felt like being a kid on the playground. Pretty magical. Lo and behold, I moved to New York. I'm able to join the New York UCB gang.

• 38:20Speaker 02

  That was super fun. Paul Scheer, Jason Mansoukis, Rob Hubel, Rob Riggle, so many just fun.

• 38:25Dax Shepard?

  Mansoukis.

• 38:26Speaker 02

  Come on.

• 38:26Dax Shepard?

  What a guy.

• 38:27Speaker 02

  That idiot. We're neighbors. We take hikes a lot.

• 38:29Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you do? Oh, those must be so fun.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  Really fun.

• 38:33Dax Shepard?

  I bet there's a lot of swear words on these hikes.

• 38:35Speaker 02

  Okay. And again, I'm in that fun sandbox world of improv. Then I get 30 Rock. And then you have to do press interviews and say things that go into print. I never had to do that before. 2006, this is also the advent of social media, the advent of smartphones. Things are being recorded. Season one, I'll never forget. There was an incident with Michael Richards at a standup club.

• 39:00Dax Shepard?

  Oh, he used the N word.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  And you start realizing like, oh, the internet is forever. And so I did start getting very self-conscious. I was censoring myself in improv scenes.

• 39:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh, in improvs even.

• 39:13Speaker 02

  And so then I kind of just had to take some inventory and just be like, okay, what am I comfortable with? What am I not comfortable with? That's why I tend to be more relaxed in conversation at dinner, at lunch, when there aren't microphones and cameras pointed at me. And just understanding that the words that I say will follow me for a very long time. And so, yeah, and maybe this is control issues. Am I being cautious about that? Very likely. Do I feel that it is keeping me from?

• 39:45Dax Shepard?

  Any happiness?

• 39:46Speaker 02

  No, absolutely not.

• 39:47Dax Shepard?

  Right, right, right. You don't feel like.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  There's no cost.

• 39:49Dax Shepard?

  I wish people understood this about me and I can't tell them or.

• 39:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  Is that fair?

• 39:55Dax Shepard?

  Totally fair. I also think there's some relevant context from where you're from, right? Which is like the South's very polite. There's a lot of decorum. We spend a lot of time now in Nashville.

• 40:05Speaker 02

  Oh, I didn't know that.

• 40:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:07Speaker 02

  Oh, fun. I was just there in March. Reese Witherspoon's birthday.

• 40:11Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:16Dax Shepard?

  Really sad we weren't at that party.

• 40:20Speaker 02

  It's still going on. Yo, I could have fun parties.

• 40:22Speaker 01

  I know, of course, because you're fun to be around.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  And I said, thank you.

• 40:26Dax Shepard?

  And people know you will never speak out of school either.

• 40:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, until you come on a podcast where people are.

• 40:31Dax Shepard?

  Hammering.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  Shooting darts.

• 40:34Dax Shepard?

  Blowing darts and banging spray.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  You're so stupid.

• 40:40Dax Shepard?

  But both parents, schoolteachers. Kristen's met them. She's gone out to eat with them somehow.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  She has.

• 40:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, she said she loves them.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  Mesa Grill a thousand years ago in New York City. Oh, they love her.

• 40:50Dax Shepard?

  But they're pretty PG, I'd imagine, right? If they're schoolteachers.

• 40:53Speaker 02

  At school they are, but I mean.

• 40:55Dax Shepard?

  They had an naughty side too.

• 40:56Speaker 02

  Well, I'm gonna say something I've never said in public before, but this is gonna bite me in the butt, I'm sure. So mom was PE in health at my high school. And so a great number of my classmates would take her health class, the curriculum for sex education in Conyers, Georgia, at that time period. And so Betty McBrayer would go and tell classes about her exploits with Jimmy McBrayer.

• 41:24Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay.

• 41:25Speaker 02

  So I had friends at this new school that I had transferred to coming up to me, hey, you should probably never go in your hot tub again.

• 41:37Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 41:38Speaker 02

  That kind of thing. And also like, they were young parents. They're very funny. The whole family, we're goofy and we joke. It's not like we come from some buttoned up and puritanical kind of thing.

• 41:48Dax Shepard?

  Were you guys religious?

• 41:49Speaker 02

  We went to church, but we went to Methodist church and that's mostly social.

• 41:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Tell me like Methodist versus what?

• 41:56Speaker 02

  Baptist.

• 41:56Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 41:57Speaker 02

  Baptist a little more, a little more hardcore. Ours was Cherokee Heights United Methodist Church. And mom and dad both went there. Dad's mom, my grandma was mom's Sunday school teacher. You know, that kind of thing. It's just like a multi-generational, let's go to church kind of thing. But again, it was a very relaxed, it really was about the social aspects. Once I learned the golden rule, I was like, okay, I got it.

• 42:20Dax Shepard?

  What's the golden rule? Do unto others as you do unto yourself?

• 42:24Speaker 02

  Are you asking me what the golden rule?

• 42:25Dax Shepard?

  I am, yeah.

• 42:26Speaker 01

  Yes, that is correct.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  God, Jesus.

• 42:28Dax Shepard?

  Is that it?

• 42:29Speaker 02

  What is it?

• 42:30Dax Shepard?

  Oh, well, I had it. I don't feel as bad. There's so many like, those should not kill seems like a golden rule.

• 42:36Speaker 01

  That should be.

• 42:37Dax Shepard?

  That's pretty, that should be high up there.

• 42:38Speaker 02

  It's a command.

• 42:39Dax Shepard?

  But I guess if doing unto others as you do unto yourself rules out murder probably.

• 42:44Speaker 02

  You think? It's a pretty good umbrella.

• 42:46Dax Shepard?

  Unless you're suicidal.

• 42:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's not ever.

• 42:48Speaker 02

  Sorry.

• 42:49Dax Shepard?

  But that's the truth. Yeah. Sometimes the truth has to be said out loud, Jack.

• 42:53Speaker 02

  What's wrong with you?

• 42:54Speaker 01

  This is where we divide.

• 42:55Dax Shepard?

  How did you end up in Indiana for school? Why did you pick that?

• 42:58Speaker 02

  I wanted to go somewhere outside of Georgia. With all due respect to Georgia, love Georgia. I was just like, let me try something else. There was a program that I thought I wanted to do at the time and they were offering me some money.

• 43:10Dax Shepard?

  And what was the program?

• 43:11Speaker 02

  I studied theater management.

• 43:13Dax Shepard?

  And tell me what that entails.

• 43:15Speaker 02

  I suspect it was essentially they're like, oh, you're not that great of an actor, but you're kind of smart. So you're going to help raise our GPA.

• 43:22Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 43:23Speaker 02

  But at the end of the day, I I took a bunch of theater courses, but I was also taking a bunch of business courses, which, as it turns out, comes in very handy later in life. I have a lot of actor friends who are not very financially literate.

• 43:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're not savvy.

• 43:38Speaker 02

  Not very business savvy. And so I'm like, oh, well, I got this.

• 43:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. It's funny. It's shocking. And then it shouldn't be shocking at all. It's like, these people already declared they were into the arts. But you are shocked when you hear like, wait, how would Nick Cage not know that he spent all of his money, right?

• 43:53Speaker 02

  On the island.

• 43:54Dax Shepard?

  Those islands are pricey.

• 43:55Speaker 02

  They are.

• 43:55Dax Shepard?

  It's the maintenance that gets you, Jack.

• 43:57Speaker 02

  That's how they get you. They don't show you those prices.

• 44:00Speaker 01

  You think you're just buying a jet, but it's the gas.

• 44:02Dax Shepard?

  It's the gas.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  That's why they get you.

• 44:05Dax Shepard?

  And then you go from there directly to Chicago. What prompts that move?

• 44:08Speaker 02

  I wanted to try a big city that maybe wasn't Atlanta. Again, with all due respect to Atlanta, I just knew that I would be always coming back to Georgia. Let's see what else is out there. And because I was in Indiana, I had visited Chicago. I had visited Indianapolis. I'd visited St. Louis. I'd visited Louisville. So Chicago was one that I'd visited. I really loved it. And some buddies of mine who had graduated the year before were already living there. I knew there was a room available, so I just made a very easy transition.

• 44:35Dax Shepard?

  When you went there, no goal of doing comedy yet?

• 44:38Speaker 02

  Not yet.

• 44:38Dax Shepard?

  You end up going to a Second City show, right? Is that how it starts?

• 44:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. Changed everything. It was the summer of 1995 and there was a terrible heat wave. Like, people were dying.

• 44:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you said like 400 people died.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  Oh, god. Like, they were putting them in refrigerated trucks. The mortuaries were full. It was bad. I lived.

• 44:57Dax Shepard?

  Well, you're from Georgia.

• 44:58Speaker 02

  I mean.

• 44:58Dax Shepard?

  You were like, guys.

• 44:59Speaker 01

  Luckily.

• 45:00Speaker 02

  I was just like, this is kind of hot. Like, it's one of those where you take a very cold shower right at the end of night and you just lay in bed soaking wet and just pray for sleep.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 45:10Speaker 02

  I know. It was one of those. People were saying like their bar of soap in their shower would melt.

• 45:14Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 45:15Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my god.

• 45:15Speaker 02

  It was very, very hot.

• 45:16Dax Shepard?

  Up to 130 or something.

• 45:17Speaker 02

  People were dying.

• 45:19Dax Shepard?

  And you have the big box fan in the window blowing on that wet physique. Well, we knew that night you were sleeping nude, I guess, because you were wet. Yeah.

• 45:27Speaker 02

  I didn't say that.

• 45:27Speaker 01

  Good deduction.

• 45:28Dax Shepard?

  I didn't say that. I didn't say it, but we just figured it out.

• 45:30Speaker 02

  Okay, figure whatever you want.

• 45:31Dax Shepard?

  Arrest me out then.

• 45:33Speaker 02

  Idiot. And so it was so hot. My roommate was just like, well, you know, there's this comedy theater downtown. You know, they do free improv. They got cheap beer and it's air conditioned. And I was like, let's do that. Went there and I was like, these people are living my best life. These people are doing exactly what I want to do. I didn't know that this was a thing. And they are hilarious. And here's what I'm very excited about is that over the years, so many of those people that I saw that inspired me, I've been able to work with them. And that is a big deal to me. I'm very proud.

• 46:08Dax Shepard?

  Yes. That first show, who was in it?

• 46:11Speaker 02

  Adam McKay, Rachel Dredge, Scott Adsett. I think John Glazer was there. Scott Alman, maybe Jenna Jolovitz. Just some heavy hitters. I'm actually going to Chicago tomorrow.

• 46:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you are?

• 46:24Speaker 02

  And so I'm going to make sure I get to Second City and see a show.

• 46:26Dax Shepard?

  So you would start classes there? I went through the groundlings. I'm not totally sure how Second City works, but there's classes, yeah?

• 46:33Speaker 02

  Correct. So I started taking classes and then you just, you know, elevate up the ranks. Your last class, you put on a big show. There are kind of open auditions to join the touring company. That's kind of like your entry level to Second City. So I auditioned and I eventually got on the touring company.

• 46:50Dax Shepard?

  Where do you guys go? Do you go everywhere?

• 46:52Speaker 02

  Oh, Ohio.

• 46:54Dax Shepard?

  It's Ohio.

• 46:55Speaker 02

  Great deal of Ohio.

• 46:56Dax Shepard?

  And do you like corporate things?

• 46:58Speaker 02

  A lot of corporate things, but a lot of colleges, performing arts centers. And Second City is a very established and illustrious institution. I was so proud to be there.

• 47:09Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 47:09Speaker 02

  And it was interesting because I was kind of forging my own path. And sometimes you'd get frustrated because I'd be real excited about getting the touring company. And you'd try to tell a friend back home or somebody in your family or something, they're like, oh. You know, they don't understand what it is.

• 47:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the way of it.

• 47:25Speaker 02

  They don't really get what a big deal it is.

• 47:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:27Speaker 02

  But I knew it was a big deal. And so I kept going, kept going, got put on a resident stage, was there for many years.

• 47:33Dax Shepard?

  Is there like a main stage there?

• 47:36Speaker 02

  There's a main stage and I was on the ETC stage, which is the studio theater.

• 47:40Dax Shepard?

  And so you were there for seven years. What were you doing for employment?

• 47:43Speaker 02

  So when I first got there, I was waiting tables, got fired.

• 47:47Dax Shepard?

  For what? You seem like you'd be a great waiter.

• 47:49Speaker 02

  First of all, I'm a very good waiter. I did mess up, though. I was giving coffee to my regulars and not charging them for coffee. And then they leave $2 for a tip and I'd keep the $2.

• 47:59Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 47:59Speaker 02

  I was stealing. Thievery.

• 48:01Dax Shepard?

  Wow. People are still gonna love you. You didn't like seat someone with COPD in the smoking section or anything like that? It wasn't that kind of, yeah, you didn't have that kind of infraction at work where you sat someone clearly on a oxygen tank in the smoking section or?

• 48:19Speaker 02

  That was very specific and very strange.

• 48:22Dax Shepard?

  But that's not why you got fired.

• 48:23Speaker 02

  I know.

• 48:24Dax Shepard?

  No, it's just old fashioned stealing.

• 48:26Speaker 02

  Okay. It was coffee.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  Were you trying to steal or were you like?

• 48:30Speaker 02

  No.

• 48:31Speaker 01

  I'm just wanna be nice and give these people some free coffee?

• 48:33Speaker 02

  That, but also like I was working the breakfast shift. One person running around that floor. All of these people just wanted to eat their oatmeal and drink their coffee, read their newspaper and smoke cigarettes before they went up to work upstairs. We're in the basement of a big old office building. And so they're like, come on, buddy. And so I was just running around. I was like, don't worry about it. Out of kind of necessity, but it was stealing.

• 48:54Dax Shepard?

  Oh, no.

• 48:55Speaker 02

  Not proud of it.

• 48:56Dax Shepard?

  What'd you go on to after that?

• 48:57Speaker 02

  Tempen, Navigant Consulting. And now here's a life hack I've learned. If you're gonna be in a job like that, make yourself indispensable.

• 49:08Dax Shepard?

  Okay, how does one do that? That's easily said.

• 49:11Speaker 02

  Well, I was in charge of creating the filing system and you just create it in such a way that you're the only one who knows where everything is. And I mean, don't get me wrong, they could have figured it out, but I knew where it was.

• 49:23Dax Shepard?

  If they had the Rosetta Stone.

• 49:25Speaker 02

  But they, yes, knew the secret code.

• 49:29Dax Shepard?

  My hieroglyphics.

• 49:31Speaker 02

  But it goes back to, maybe that is where, I don't wanna be so cavalier as to say OCD, because that is a legit hard thing for people to deal with. But whatever my tendencies in that world are, sometimes it comes in handy. And I'm not gonna lie. I have everything on my phone. I'm talking about like a list of every teacher I've had in my life. A list of every roommate I've ever had.

• 49:54Dax Shepard?

  Really?

• 49:54Speaker 02

  Yeah. Why not?

• 49:56Speaker 01

  Cause, well, cause it takes.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  Cause that's a crazy person.

• 50:01Dax Shepard?

  Having the list sounds great. It's creating the list. That probably is where.

• 50:05Speaker 02

  That's my point. Once you do the thing, then you don't have to do the thing ever again.

• 50:12Dax Shepard?

  That's true. That's true. I would assume you were friends with Tina while you were in Chicago?

• 50:17Speaker 02

  Yes, more so her husband Jeff Richmond, who is my director at Second City.

• 50:22Dax Shepard?

  And who was the musical?

• 50:23Speaker 02

  He was the musical supervisor, I think that was his title at SNL and then joined us for 30 Rock. Composer and director and I've known Jeff longer than I've known Tina. I mean, like they're family.

• 50:36Dax Shepard?

  And so she was charmed by you, I presume.

• 50:41Speaker 02

  I hope.

• 50:41Dax Shepard?

  Well, she ended up writing-

• 50:42Speaker 01

  Clearly.

• 50:43Speaker 02

  A little too late.

• 50:43Dax Shepard?

  She wrote the role of Kenneth for you. So there's a lot of ground laid before that happens.

• 50:49Speaker 02

  Correct.

• 50:50Dax Shepard?

  What causes you to leave Second City and go to New York? And was that a hard and scary decision?

• 50:57Speaker 02

  Very good question, Dax, and thank you.

• 50:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's the first one. I got one.

• 51:01Speaker 02

  Been here like three hours. Was it hard to leave Second City? Yeah, it was. I left February 3rd, 2002. The reason I know that is because every February 3rd, the stage manager will film your final night and they do a big thing where everybody says nice things. You get to do your favorite scenes. So I have the DVD of my final night at Second City. Every February 3rd, I'll watch it. So that was 24 years ago. But it was such an important time in my life that changed everything. But yes, it was a big deal. I had a job. I was doing fine. The ETC gig was one of the best gigs in Chicago. ETC, the studio theater, was I think a Thursday through Sunday schedule. So you always had Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday off.

• 51:45Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah.

• 51:45Speaker 02

  Main stage was perhaps the more recognized whatever and bigger stage. But they were working six nights a week, eight shows a week, and they were getting paid like maybe $14 more. I was like, I'm good. Thank you.

• 51:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:00Speaker 02

  I'll stay right here. But to leave was a big deal and it was a big decision. But it was one of those things when your skin feels tight and you're just like, let's see, let's see what's next. Let's see what else I can do. Let's see. What the next thing is. It felt exciting, scary.

• 52:16Dax Shepard?

  When you were at Second City, did you have SNL dreams?

• 52:19Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 52:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, same.

• 52:21Speaker 02

  I think that's pretty common. I think a great number of comedians in general, no matter if you're at an established theater or not. That show was so important to me growing up. Quoting the dumb bits and imitating the characters and it being such like a reference point for so many people just in my life, in my world.

• 52:41Dax Shepard?

  You could find your people in school by who liked SNL.

• 52:44Speaker 02

  Well, yeah.

• 52:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 52:45Speaker 02

  I don't know. I felt so cool watching it. Like it was late at night. It was irreverent. It felt naughty. It was like timely, topical. It impacted me in such a way. So of course I wanted to do it. They did see me.

• 52:57Dax Shepard?

  You got to audition?

• 52:58Speaker 02

  I got to audition. I don't think they've seen the tape. No, of course it didn't happen. I auditioned the same day as Seth Meyers.

• 53:05Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you did?

• 53:06Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 53:07Dax Shepard?

  In New York?

• 53:08Speaker 02

  In New York. They blew me out.

• 53:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 53:10Speaker 02

  It was awesome.

• 53:11Dax Shepard?

  What was your nerve level?

• 53:12Speaker 02

  Oh, very high.

• 53:14Dax Shepard?

  Quite high.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  Very high. And it's one of those things where, of course, I was not fit for this show. But man, just to be able to be on that stage, for me, just being in an airport and having somebody hold up your name on a sign.

• 53:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 53:29Speaker 01

  It's so cool.

• 53:29Speaker 02

  Take off my wig and throw it off.

• 53:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:32Speaker 02

  But I got to be on 30 Rock. That is a show that is based on SNL. That is a show that is produced by Lorne Michaels.

• 53:40Dax Shepard?

  And written by the previous head writer.

• 53:42Speaker 02

  I'll do that.

• 53:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:44Dax Shepard?

  When you moved to New York, did you already have something set up? Did you know you were gonna start working at Conan?

• 53:49Speaker 02

  No, I seemed so enthusiastic.

• 53:50Speaker 01

  No.

• 53:51Speaker 02

  No, the reason I went to New York was Jeff Richmond, taking care of his boy Jack McBrayer, was remounting a show called Hamlet the Musical that he had originally staged in Chicago 100 years earlier. And he said, hey, I just heard you're leaving Second City. Would you be interested in doing like a three month run of this show that we did in Chicago? And I was like, yeah, I got nothing else to do. So my final night was February 3rd, 2002. I was in a U-Haul with all of my junk in a car on February 5th, 2002.

• 54:21Dax Shepard?

  So you quit before knowing? You were going to New York?

• 54:24Speaker 02

  Isn't that crazy?

• 54:25Dax Shepard?

  That is. Why did you even decide to quit?

• 54:28Speaker 02

  My skin felt tight. It was time to go. Wow. Listen to your gut. Well, surely y'all have had that, where you just, you know, something either feels very right, or you know, something feels not very right.

• 54:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, but I've never had that conundrum while one thing was a safety net, right?

• 54:46Speaker 02

  That's fair.

• 54:47Dax Shepard?

  I've had that city in Detroit going like, I gotta get out of this city within hours, or I'm gonna wake up and be 50 and an alcoholic. Like, I could just feel where it was all heading. But I wasn't giving up something fantastic, or any safety, or something I had worked seven years to achieve.

• 55:02Speaker 02

  You're not wrong. It was scary, but also it made me feel brave and strong, you know, all that kind of stuff. And also like the genuine curiosity, what could this be? Who could I meet? Where could I go? What is gonna happen? That felt fun to me. That, to me, outweighed any of the fear.

• 55:18Dax Shepard?

  And were you about 29 or 30 at that point?

• 55:21Speaker 02

  I was 28 when I did that, turned 29 in New York.

• 55:25Dax Shepard?

  So how quickly do you get immersed in Late Night with Conan O'Brien?

• 55:28Speaker 02

  So my first one would have been March 3rd, 2002.

• 55:32Dax Shepard?

  So wait, so you left in February and one month later you're on Conan?

• 55:35Speaker 02

  Okay, but it's not like, oh, he's brilliant. No. So many people who are writing for Conan O'Brien had come from Chicago, had come from Second City, were already working with Conan. They heard that I was in town. They're like, hey, McBrayer is here. Just plug him into something.

• 55:49Speaker 01

  What about Hamlet the play? What happened to that?

• 55:51Speaker 02

  Oh, it was still going.

• 55:52Speaker 01

  Oh, you're doing that too?

• 55:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, because you could do a bit for Conan in the middle of the day, go do the show at night.

• 55:58Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 55:59Speaker 02

  Multitasking.

• 55:59Speaker 01

  You had a lot of jobs.

• 56:01Speaker 02

  So many jobs. Also, in New York, you kind of had to.

• 56:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:04Speaker 02

  Did you live in New York?

• 56:04Speaker 01

  No.

• 56:05Speaker 02

  Bless your heart.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  Stop trying to make it about me. We see what you're doing.

• 56:09Speaker 02

  This is how people talk, when they ask questions.

• 56:12Dax Shepard?

  Good people like you.

• 56:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, nice people. You're right.

• 56:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, I hate everything about this.

• 56:17Dax Shepard?

  Do you remember what your first bit on Conan was?

• 56:19Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 56:20Dax Shepard?

  What was it?

• 56:20Speaker 02

  I was the overconfident. New Prison Inmate, written by Brian Stack, who's now at Colbert, and he was Second City. So many people in my life have just taken care of me. And when I tell you I am so grateful, that's why you gotta be nice to people.

• 56:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:37Dax Shepard?

  I'll start now.

• 56:41Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna start today.

• 56:41Speaker 02

  But it was an overly confident new prison inmate. And it was very special for me because I hadn't done hardly any TV before that. I didn't know how this worked. And I knew that Conan was okay with the bit. And so it kind of started a fun tradition of people just like, just put Jack in there kind of thing.

• 57:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you ended up doing 80 appearances in the next three years.

• 57:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. And that was paying some bills. For any of the UCB kids, like, that was the gig.

• 57:11Dax Shepard?

  Hell, yeah.

• 57:12Speaker 02

  It's the best.

• 57:13Dax Shepard?

  80 paychecks, you're getting, what, some kind of SAG minimum or after minimum, like 600 bucks every time, maybe?

• 57:19Speaker 02

  You're so starving in New York. You gotta move to New York.

• 57:23Speaker 01

  I am good, I think.

• 57:26Speaker 02

  But no, it was the gig. I was like, I have arrived. Yeah, you're on TV at night. Can I tell you all something? I haven't told anybody this, but I think this is Jermaine? Is that the right word?

• 57:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  Really good.

• 57:39Speaker 02

  Is that good?

• 57:40Speaker 01

  Really good.

• 57:41Speaker 02

  Is that correct? But every time I'd go to do a bit for Conan, it filmed in 30 Rockefeller Center. So I'm taking the F train from Alphabet City in Manhattan and get off at the Rockefeller stop. I'm a person who, if I find a penny heads up, I'm gonna hold on to it because that's a lucky penny. If I find a penny tails up, I'll flip it to be heads up for the next person.

• 58:02Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. So nice.

• 58:05Speaker 02

  It's disgusting.

• 58:06Dax Shepard?

  Well, it's more than that. You're so busy. Between the lists and the having to stop for the penny, I just feel like your days are so busy.

• 58:14Speaker 02

  How much time do you think it takes to flip a penny?

• 58:17Speaker 01

  Are you stepping over cracks and stuff, too?

• 58:19Dax Shepard?

  You got a whole thing with those?

• 58:20Speaker 02

  I don't believe in bad luck.

• 58:21Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 58:22Speaker 01

  Okay, I like that. I like that.

• 58:24Dax Shepard?

  Tails up penny.

• 58:26Speaker 02

  Well, then it's good luck for somebody else. So every time I'd come to do a bit for Conan, and if I found a penny heads up in the subway stop or in the building of Rockefeller, I'd hold on to it. I had this whole, like, little box and stuff that I'd just put them in there. Lo and behold, you get on a show called 30 Rock. And I was like, that's because of you.

• 58:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, I like that. Do you still have it?

• 58:48Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 58:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:48Speaker 02

  I'm trying to be ridiculous.

• 58:49Speaker 01

  I know, I'm just.

• 58:50Dax Shepard?

  Monica's next to his list.

• 58:52Speaker 02

  Got a PDF.

• 58:56Dax Shepard?

  You're doing that for three years and I'm sure you're pretty content and it's wonderful because you're on TV every couple of weeks and obviously we all worship Conan.

• 59:04Speaker 02

  And I was doing the shows at UCB. I was on top of the world.

• 59:07Dax Shepard?

  And then 2000 and what year is it?

• 59:11Speaker 02

  Like tail end 2004, beginning 2005.

• 59:13Dax Shepard?

  When do you find out that 30 Rock is going to be a show?

• 59:16Speaker 02

  Well, I took a break and came to LA for a year, almost a year.

• 59:21Dax Shepard?

  Another wild move, right? When you're on Conan and things are going well and you're at UCB, you came here for a year?

• 59:27Speaker 02

  Well, yeah. I mean, think about it this way. For three years, you're doing this thing and you're having a ball, but SNL wasn't hiring me. I had done bits for Conan. It's not like I could have elevated further there. I was doing my shows at UCB. I was like, okay, but what else? And not out of discontent, but just out of curiosity, what else? Also, New York is very expensive and it gets very cold.

• 59:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. And you're from Georgia.

• 59:53Speaker 02

  I'm from Georgia and it got super cold. Madam.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  Cannot handle it.

• 59:58Speaker 02

  So I was like, let me try LA. Let me go be broke and tan. Let's feel us.

• 1:00:04Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:00:05Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:00:06Dax Shepard?

  And what was that year like?

• 1:00:07Speaker 02

  So fun. I was just like, look at me. I'm in LA.

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  Drinking green juice and stuff.

• 1:00:13Speaker 02

  I don't go there.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  Okay, too far.

• 1:00:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, Monica.

• 1:00:17Dax Shepard?

  He's old fashioned healthy. He is a sun worshipper. He believes in getting like six hours of sun a day.

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  I believe in that as well.

• 1:00:24Speaker 02

  Keeps you young.

• 1:00:25Dax Shepard?

  They say it's really good for your skin.

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  Sun bathing really good for your skin.

• 1:00:30Speaker 02

  Here's the thing, somebody's got to look into that again because it just makes me feel good.

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  I agree. I'm with you. Vitamin D is real.

• 1:00:38Speaker 02

  Thank you. People have so many deficiencies.

• 1:00:40Dax Shepard?

  I have an unpopular take. I'm only very sparing with sunblock and it's only in a few spots and I feel like sun's good. People hate that about me.

• 1:00:48Speaker 02

  I know, but also we got to take care of so much other stuff. That gets exhausting to me. I'm like.

• 1:00:53Dax Shepard?

  Right, there you go. Something's got to give.

• 1:00:55Speaker 02

  Dishwasher repair. What else do grownups say?

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  Dishwasher there. Okay. So you came here, you weren't drinking green juice, but.

• 1:01:04Speaker 02

  Living my best life. I'm temping. Oh, wow. So I'm living in Los Feliz, bought my 2004 Hyundai Accent from Enterprise Rental Car, which I still have to this day.

• 1:01:15Dax Shepard?

  No way.

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:01:16Dax Shepard?

  22 years later, you're still.

• 1:01:17Speaker 02

  22 years later.

• 1:01:19Dax Shepard?

  You're still in that car.

• 1:01:20Speaker 02

  And I just hit 65,000 miles.

• 1:01:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh my.

• 1:01:24Speaker 01

  Wait.

• 1:01:24Dax Shepard?

  You're driving like a thousand miles a year.

• 1:01:27Speaker 02

  Okay. So think about it this way, though. That one year I was here in Tempan, so I had to drive all the way to the west side.

• 1:01:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:32Speaker 02

  Teleflora. I worked there for several months, but during the course of that, I booked Tallavega Nights, got some Arrested Developments, and eventually got 30 Rock. So within the year that I was here, I got 30 Rock, which took me back there. And because of that, I just left my car in a garage for seven years.

• 1:01:46Speaker 01

  Oh, for seven years. Okay.

• 1:01:48Dax Shepard?

  It didn't start when you got back. You needed a car, tow truck to jump it.

• 1:01:52Speaker 02

  Well, no, I had a roommate who had started up.

• 1:01:54Dax Shepard?

  Oh, oh, that's great. Well, that was the piece of the puzzle I needed.

• 1:01:58Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:01:58Dax Shepard?

  Yes. Otherwise, you had a world record on your hand for the longest battery set stagnant and then working.

• 1:02:04Speaker 02

  This is the worst day of my life.

• 1:02:08Speaker 02

  The worst.

• 1:02:09Dax Shepard?

  So you go back to New York, but now you go back. Were you a season regular right out of the gates?

• 1:02:14Speaker 02

  Season regular? Yes, I was. Remember, it was not a sure thing. 30 Rock took a while for people to tune into and for NBC to have enough confidence to keep us going. So it was tenuous.

• 1:02:26Dax Shepard?

  The first year.

• 1:02:27Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I mean, subsequent years, but I just knew to keep my side of the street clean, just do the job, show up on time, be nice to people, Dex.

• 1:02:35Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh. Pick up the panties.

• 1:02:37Speaker 02

  Pick up the panties. I was just so excited to have the job.

• 1:02:42Dax Shepard?

  You loved it all seven years.

• 1:02:43Speaker 02

  So fun. New York eventually let me know that we were not meant to be together.

• 1:02:48Speaker 01

  Oh, in what way?

• 1:02:50Speaker 02

  Everything. It was just the amount of people and the cold and the gray. What a wonderful change in my life. My time there brought about. I'm not built for that town.

• 1:03:00Dax Shepard?

  It can feel oppressive.

• 1:03:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:02Dax Shepard?

  For me, if I'm there for a long time, I'm like, oh, just too much. Take me to the water, take me to the park somewhere, get me out of this zoo.

• 1:03:08Speaker 02

  Yeah. Intimidated by other people?

• 1:03:10Dax Shepard?

  I guess I'm really curious what it's like to work with Alec Baldwin.

• 1:03:13Speaker 02

  Oh, scared. Yeah.

• 1:03:14Dax Shepard?

  Terrified. Sure.

• 1:03:14Speaker 02

  Terrified.

• 1:03:17Speaker 02

  No, it was one of those things where pretty much everybody on the call sheet was so much more established and just had so much more experience than me that I was just like, do the job, hit your mics. I mean, to be fair, Alec was brilliant on the show and I think he knew very early on, I'm not gunning for his job. I am happy to be here.

• 1:03:38Dax Shepard?

  Ah.

• 1:03:39Speaker 02

  I'm here to make this all look as good as possible.

• 1:03:42Dax Shepard?

  You are not a threat.

• 1:03:43Speaker 02

  I'm a team player. I was not a threat. I'm not a threat to blind kittens.

• 1:03:47Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 1:03:48Speaker 02

  But no, the whole thing was intimidating, but also it was just fun to kind of like prove yourself and to be like, I can do this. Y'all can count on me, even to the writers room. Y'all give me anything that you want me to do, because I can do it.

• 1:04:01Dax Shepard?

  There's something about being appreciated by Tina that feels so good. It's almost like an anointing, I guess. For her to like you and you make her laugh and she repeats things you did that she liked is a very rewarding scenario, isn't it?

• 1:04:19Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:04:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I kind of just worship her a little bit.

• 1:04:22Speaker 02

  Of course, but I will say this too. She doesn't suffer fools, so she chooses people for a reason.

• 1:04:29Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:04:30Speaker 01

  That's why she's never come on this show. So she hasn't picked us yet.

• 1:04:35Speaker 02

  How do I change the subject?

• 1:04:36Speaker 01

  Can you probably text her and tell her that we'd love to have her?

• 1:04:39Speaker 02

  I'm gonna fake a seizure.

• 1:04:42Dax Shepard?

  Were you sad when it ended or were you also getting that familiar kind of, okay, time for something new?

• 1:04:47Speaker 02

  Good question. It was a mix. All of us at different points would kind of just burst into tears like at the most random thing. I'll never forget. I was like, this is my last free haircut.

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:04:58Speaker 02

  Oh, no. I'll never forget Jane Krakowski walking down the hall. It was me and our friend Alethea, who's in wardrobe, and we were just like laughing at some internet thing and we're like, ah, and Jane just burst into tears because she's like, we're not gonna see this anymore.

• 1:05:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is sad.

• 1:05:13Speaker 02

  So that was indeed emotional, but I was excited. And also I wasn't worried that I was never gonna see these people again. All of them on their birthdays.

• 1:05:20Dax Shepard?

  Right, right. At least once a year.

• 1:05:22Speaker 02

  Well, and I'm telling you, for the 20 year anniversary, we gotta do something, right?

• 1:05:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:27Speaker 02

  We gotta do a party or a panel or a table read or something.

• 1:05:30Dax Shepard?

  Were you not frustrated? I remember when I would watch the show, I would think, I'm so confused why this show isn't as big as Seinfeld. I thought it deserved to be a mammoth hit. And every year, they kind of put it on the bubble, the same way they did Parenthood was like, are we gonna bring it back? Are we not?

• 1:05:45Speaker 02

  Well, I mean, I'm kind of glad that I didn't have to worry about that stuff. You could kind of sense the writing on the wall. We were talking about like the introduction of streaming. We're talking about the surges of cable shows, you know, The Sopranos, Mad Men, all these things from cable were such heavy hitters. Also, what's my frame of reference, you know, like this is my first show ever. But I could easily tell that we were not getting the numbers that Friends, Seinfeld, Will and Grace, all these legacy NBC shows. Again, that was not my fight to fight. And so I was like, all right, do I have a job tomorrow?

• 1:06:18Dax Shepard?

  Fine with that. But it just felt like it deserved it. It was so fucking brilliant. One of the best shows ever, ever.

• 1:06:23Speaker 02

  You know, the people who like it really like it. And the people who don't.

• 1:06:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, they don't get it.

• 1:06:28Speaker 02

  Are my family.

• 1:06:31Dax Shepard?

  Are mostly.

• 1:06:32Speaker 02

  Are mostly.

• 1:06:32Dax Shepard?

  Back and making.

• 1:06:37Dax Shepard?

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

• 1:06:44Dax Shepard?

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• 1:08:53Dax Shepard?

  Okay, in that period too, you do Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

• 1:08:58Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:08:59Dax Shepard?

  2007, maybe?

• 1:09:01Speaker 02

  April of 2007?

• 1:09:02Dax Shepard?

  And Kristen did tell me some funny stories about that today.

• 1:09:05Speaker 02

  What'd she say?

• 1:09:06Dax Shepard?

  Well, one, I can think everyone was introduced to your sunbathing routine.

• 1:09:12Speaker 01

  Oh, on set?

• 1:09:13Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, well, she said that they would be on the way to set and Jack would be by the pool.

• 1:09:18Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:09:18Dax Shepard?

  Right out of the gates.

• 1:09:21Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 1:09:21Speaker 02

  I mean, she's not wrong. So Forgetting Sarah Marshall, my first time in Hawaii, I couldn't believe I was in a movie with all these like famous people. We were staying in the resort where we were filming, Turtle Bay in Hawaii. I was like, this is crazy. So yes, I was there for a month and I worked eight days.

• 1:09:41Dax Shepard?

  I was gonna say, the other thing she said is you somehow finagled them to be able to stay like two weeks after you were wrapped.

• 1:09:48Speaker 02

  No, it was just the schedule. I didn't like abuse any.

• 1:09:51Dax Shepard?

  Finagling?

• 1:09:52Speaker 02

  No, I don't even know the meaning of the word.

• 1:09:54Dax Shepard?

  You called Conan and had them give you a full page outfit for your audition for 30 Rock. So I know you know how to call people.

• 1:10:02Speaker 02

  That's not finagling. That's asking for a favor.

• 1:10:06Dax Shepard?

  I think finagle is French for favor.

• 1:10:09Speaker 02

  I think that's a lie.

• 1:10:10Dax Shepard?

  But you managed to be in the sun for 22 of 30 days.

• 1:10:15Speaker 02

  Now, here's where it got tricky. They're like, well, Jack, your character is like a Mormon coming from Utah. You wouldn't be tan. I was like, that sounds like a makeup problem. So no, I tried to slather on as much, but after a while you're like, bro, I'm getting tan.

• 1:10:29Dax Shepard?

  When you're at poolside, are you just sitting or are you on your phone? Are you reading a book? What do you do with that? I can't sit for that much time.

• 1:10:39Speaker 02

  I can, and here's why. It is transcendental. I go somewhere else. It is meditative. I will be laying there and I'm not fully asleep, but I'm not fully awake. I can't lift my arms. I just go somewhere else and I just feel the warmth. And I see the light from the outside and I'm just like, this is who I am.

• 1:11:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:02Speaker 02

  This is who I'm supposed to be. But then I'm just like, who was I in a past life?

• 1:11:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:09Dax Shepard?

  Sun god.

• 1:11:10Speaker 02

  Or like a lizard?

• 1:11:11Dax Shepard?

  Could be a lizard. Yeah, someone that's got to get its core body temp up before it can do anything.

• 1:11:15Speaker 02

  Maybe I was a reptile. Maybe I was a solar panda.

• 1:11:19Speaker 01

  How long are you doing this? Like an hour?

• 1:11:21Speaker 02

  You gotta flip. So yeah, you don't want to do this for a full hour. I mean, you just flip, jump in the pool.

• 1:11:26Speaker 01

  Okay, but you're out there an hour, hour and a half.

• 1:11:29Speaker 02

  It's the best. And your hair just turns that bleachy chlorine green.

• 1:11:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:33Speaker 02

  It's the best.

• 1:11:35Dax Shepard?

  Our youngest daughter has green hair and I'm so proud of her. I'm like, it's such a badge of something. Commitment to swimming is what it is. At the same time, and this is where I met you. So you and Kristen became friends on that movie. And then I start meeting you just right after that movie. And I want to say you came over and you had just filmed this, but you filmed a Mariah Carey music video.

• 1:11:55Speaker 02

  Oh my gosh.

• 1:11:57Dax Shepard?

  In 2008.

• 1:11:58Speaker 02

  February of 2008. It was during the writer's strike. I'm positive I was not the first person they called, but I was the first person to say yes. And I play Mariah Carey's love interest.

• 1:12:11Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:12:12Speaker 02

  In the hit video, Touch My Body.

• 1:12:15Dax Shepard?

  And isn't this the one that's like, don't wanna see you up on YouTube? I'm always enamored when there's been certain words they could put in songs and I'm really impressed that they pulled it off. Toto's Africa. To get Kilimanjaro in a song is really, really hard.

• 1:12:30Speaker 02

  You're not wrong.

• 1:12:31Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. And then another favorite of mine, The Year of the Cat. Great song.

• 1:12:35Speaker 02

  What's the word?

• 1:12:36Dax Shepard?

  The year of the cat. It's 70's song.

• 1:12:39Speaker 01

  But what's the word?

• 1:12:41Dax Shepard?

  Kilimanjaro. The title, The Year of the Cat. Have to sit down and write a rock ballad that's hugely successful and it's called The Year of the Cat. That's like a feat. So to sing like, on YouTube, YouTube. That to me, sounds impossible. Like if you approached me and said, Dex, you have to write a hit song and you have to say YouTube in the song.

• 1:12:58Speaker 02

  Four times.

• 1:12:59Dax Shepard?

  Four times.

• 1:13:00Speaker 02

  While holding.

• 1:13:01Dax Shepard?

  And do a runner, kinda do a run. That seems hard and I'm impressed.

• 1:13:06Speaker 02

  Well, to be fair, that's when YouTube was becoming a thing.

• 1:13:11Dax Shepard?

  I know.

• 1:13:12Speaker 02

  That whole era.

• 1:13:13Dax Shepard?

  It needed addressing.

• 1:13:14Speaker 02

  It needed addressing and she's the perfect spokesperson.

• 1:13:17Dax Shepard?

  And she wants to do stuff, but she don't wanna see that shit up on YouTube.

• 1:13:21Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:13:21Dax Shepard?

  So she's also letting us know I have like a little bit of a naughty side. And you guys probably were very aligned on this.

• 1:13:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, privacy.

• 1:13:27Dax Shepard?

  You gotta keep stuff off YouTube.

• 1:13:29Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, setting healthy boundaries is okay.

• 1:13:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:33Speaker 02

  We should all practice.

• 1:13:34Dax Shepard?

  Recommend it. But now you did almost kill Mariah Carey during this.

• 1:13:39Speaker 02

  Sir.

• 1:13:39Dax Shepard?

  Video, is that not true?

• 1:13:41Speaker 02

  I did kill Mariah Carey.

• 1:13:43Dax Shepard?

  But what happened?

• 1:13:44Speaker 02

  That's the soundbite. I did not kill Mariah. So yes, I did. It was a terrible accident and she was fine and she was a very good sport about it. So that is for the record. We're supposed to be like frolicking in a field and I'm supposed to throw a frisbee to her and bless her heart. She was singing as she was supposed to and just twirling around. So I threw the frisbee when I was supposed to, but it left my hands. It doesn't have like a string that I can yank it back. And it just happened to like hit her in the face.

• 1:14:11Dax Shepard?

  In the face.

• 1:14:12Speaker 02

  I was mortified.

• 1:14:14Dax Shepard?

  How soon into its flight trajectory, did you start realizing, oh fuck, I think that's gonna hit her? And did you yell or were you afraid to ruin the video of her singing?

• 1:14:23Speaker 01

  This is a tough position.

• 1:14:25Speaker 02

  Is yelling worse than a frisbee hitting her in the face?

• 1:14:28Dax Shepard?

  I think it's better.

• 1:14:29Speaker 01

  Well, ruining the.

• 1:14:29Dax Shepard?

  I'd rather hear yelling than get hit in the face with a frisbee is my pick.

• 1:14:33Speaker 02

  It was just an embarrassing and unfortunate thing.

• 1:14:35Dax Shepard?

  But was it obvious to you it was gonna hit her in its flight?

• 1:14:38Speaker 02

  Nothing is obvious to me.

• 1:14:40Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:14:40Speaker 02

  And you know that. Everybody knows that.

• 1:14:41Speaker 01

  And it maybe happened so fast.

• 1:14:43Speaker 02

  It was a blur and you have moments where you just feel your stomach just sink and you're like, I might throw up right now. And I'm mortified. I'm not proud of this. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She was such a good sport. I think she just needed some touch ups and stuff.

• 1:15:00Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:15:01Dax Shepard?

  You just need to cover the bruising a little bit.

• 1:15:02Speaker 02

  Why are you trying to make me look like an animal?

• 1:15:05Dax Shepard?

  And did she explain to you why she wanted you to be her love interest in the video? Did that ever come up?

• 1:15:10Speaker 02

  It came up in conversation that she seemed to enjoy 30 Rock, but I really do suspect that they were trying to get bigger names and stuff.

• 1:15:18Dax Shepard?

  Okay, alright.

• 1:15:19Speaker 02

  I'm not lying.

• 1:15:19Speaker 01

  We don't know. She liked 30 Rock. She probably wanted.

• 1:15:22Dax Shepard?

  That's your shadow filling in a lot of unknowns.

• 1:15:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:25Dax Shepard?

  The shadow voice that tells you you're terrible and a piece of shit.

• 1:15:28Speaker 01

  Insecurity.

• 1:15:29Speaker 02

  I don't have a shadow.

• 1:15:30Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you do. Every human has a shadow voice. You can lie about having one, but you have one, yeah. There's some part of you that's like, Jack, you're so whatever it says.

• 1:15:39Speaker 02

  Fill in the blank.

• 1:15:40Dax Shepard?

  Well, I would never, because I can't think of a bad thing about you, but I bet your shadow has six or seven that thinks are bad about you.

• 1:15:45Speaker 02

  Is the shadow in the room with us now?

• 1:15:47Speaker 01

  Always.

• 1:15:48Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 1:15:49Dax Shepard?

  We bring the shadow everywhere with us.

• 1:15:52Speaker 02

  Y'all are so stupid. Do y'all get tired of this job?

• 1:15:54Speaker 01

  No, we love it.

• 1:15:55Speaker 02

  All you're doing is talking. I get tired of talking about myself.

• 1:15:58Dax Shepard?

  But that's not the premise. You didn't say, hey, can I come over and talk about myself for an hour? I'm like, hey, can I learn about you for an hour? And everyone else would like to learn about you?

• 1:16:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, but we could also do that over dinner.

• 1:16:08Speaker 01

  But no one else gets to hear it.

• 1:16:10Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:16:12Dax Shepard?

  Sounds good to me.

• 1:16:13Speaker 01

  Right, even better.

• 1:16:14Dax Shepard?

  Do you watch interviews? Do you enjoy interviews?

• 1:16:16Speaker 02

  Mine?

• 1:16:17Dax Shepard?

  No, no, other people.

• 1:16:18Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:16:19Dax Shepard?

  Like, I love interviews. I used to listen to all the Stern interviews and I had the streaming app so I could just listen to the interviews. I just love interviews. I loved Letterman interviewing people.

• 1:16:29Speaker 02

  No, I'd see the iconic ones about like Drew Carey.

• 1:16:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, when Drew Carey showed his tits for Letterman's birthday.

• 1:16:40Dax Shepard?

  Before Price is Right.

• 1:16:42Speaker 01

  Iconic moment.

• 1:16:43Speaker 02

  That was...

• 1:16:49Speaker 02

  Man, am I dumb.

• 1:16:51Speaker 01

  Does your shadow tell you you're dumb?

• 1:16:53Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:16:54Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:16:54Speaker 02

  Never.

• 1:16:57Speaker 01

  I hope you don't think that.

• 1:16:59Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:17:00Dax Shepard?

  He's very bright. He's got a very good vocabulary as I watched other interviews with you.

• 1:17:05Speaker 02

  Oh, I did say Jermaine today.

• 1:17:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, you did.

• 1:17:06Dax Shepard?

  That brought me to Smoking the Band. Did you ever watch Smoking the Band as a kid?

• 1:17:09Speaker 02

  I'm sure I did.

• 1:17:09Dax Shepard?

  Set in Georgia. But one of the officers says to Buford T. Justice over the radio, "I don't see how that's Jermaine to the situation." And Buford T. Justice says, "The goddamn Germans got nothing to do with this." He thinks he said Germans.

• 1:17:27Speaker 02

  The context led me to believe that.

• 1:17:28Dax Shepard?

  You figured that out.

• 1:17:29Speaker 02

  I did.

• 1:17:30Speaker 01

  Cause you're smart.

• 1:17:31Speaker 02

  She got me. You read me like a book.

• 1:17:33Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:17:33Speaker 02

  A pop-up.

• 1:17:34Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Now, after having that security for seven years on 30 Rock, do you not crave that again? Or would you love that?

• 1:17:45Speaker 02

  Yes, having job security is wonderful. I don't need more money. I don't need more attention. I don't need any of that stuff. For me, I'm like, what could be fun? What might this feel like? What would it be like to work with this person or in this studio? Or in this location? Or with this script? That, to me, is more fun.

• 1:18:11Dax Shepard?

  That's a very rare commodity, to not feel like you need more. Where do you think that comes from?

• 1:18:16Speaker 02

  I think that's just baked in the DNA. But I do think, like, we didn't have a great deal of money growing up. We were not made to feel that we were less than or, you know, anything like that. But I do feel that whether it was intentional or just subconscious, but that you make the best of what you got. Whether that's financial, whether that's whatever's going on in your family, you make the best of what you got. And so that was a very helpful lesson for me in terms of like, I don't need a lot. I can make the best of a small space or a small paycheck or-

• 1:18:53Dax Shepard?

  The 22 year old Kia.

• 1:18:55Speaker 02

  Hyundai.

• 1:18:55Dax Shepard?

  Hyundai, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Both Korean, I didn't get it.

• 1:19:01Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:19:02Dax Shepard?

  They're both Korean car companies.

• 1:19:03Speaker 02

  I don't see color.

• 1:19:04Dax Shepard?

  Well, I do know that about you. You're famous for that.

• 1:19:07Speaker 01

  You see tan, we know that.

• 1:19:09Speaker 02

  I like her.

• 1:19:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. He sees a savage base in the mirror every morning.

• 1:19:14Speaker 02

  Somebody told me that you can take a-

• 1:19:16Speaker 01

  Peptide.

• 1:19:17Speaker 02

  Yes. How did you know that?

• 1:19:20Speaker 01

  Because we talk about it a lot on here.

• 1:19:22Speaker 02

  You do?

• 1:19:23Speaker 01

  Because we know people who've done it, one's sitting next to me.

• 1:19:25Speaker 02

  Is it you?

• 1:19:26Dax Shepard?

  I did it for-

• 1:19:27Speaker 01

  Just a little, you barely tried it, but he did try it.

• 1:19:30Dax Shepard?

  Oh yeah, I loved it. I would love to be on it, but then a friend who got an illness, we found out also loved that peptide. So then me and the other person that were on it got really paranoid about it.

• 1:19:38Speaker 02

  I see, I see, I see.

• 1:19:39Dax Shepard?

  Based on nothing. Like, I'm sure there's a million reasons this person got sick.

• 1:19:42Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:19:42Speaker 01

  It also does weird stuff, like your freckles got darker.

• 1:19:46Dax Shepard?

  Oh yeah, yeah, on my forehead. That was one version of it. There's two versions of it. Then I did the second version and it didn't have those issues. But here was my point, because we debated it. I was like, I like how I look tan better.

• 1:19:58Speaker 02

  Everybody looks better with color.

• 1:19:59Dax Shepard?

  Absolutely. And if I have an option to do one that might up my rate of carcinoma versus one that doesn't, why wouldn't I choose this one? It seems crazy. Like, I don't understand what the moral conundrum is about using a peptide versus the sun.

• 1:20:14Speaker 02

  I mean, I get it. For me, it's like, I'm not going to be the first person to buy the new iPhone. I'm like, y'all go first.

• 1:20:19Speaker 01

  Go test it out.

• 1:20:20Speaker 02

  Y'all work out the bugs, then come back to me.

• 1:20:23Speaker 01

  I had some ethical issues with it as a brown person.

• 1:20:26Speaker 02

  Oh, tell me more.

• 1:20:27Speaker 01

  I was like, as a group, darker skinned people are more marginalized. And then you're just picking the piece you like about it and getting to have that piece. And it just doesn't feel fair.

• 1:20:39Speaker 02

  I see.

• 1:20:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it was a big-

• 1:20:41Speaker 01

  It was a big debate for us.

• 1:20:43Speaker 02

  Are there peptides that change your skin color in different ways?

• 1:20:48Speaker 01

  Like make it lighter? Well, there's- Skin bleaching and stuff, which a lot of people have done. Some Indian people have done skin bleaching to look lighter because you're considered prettier there at times.

• 1:20:59Speaker 02

  Is that an external thing?

• 1:21:01Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:21:02Dax Shepard?

  Well, like the movie stars there are generally quite light skin.

• 1:21:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. And there's like the paper bag test, like if you're lighter than a paper bag. Colorism is a real thing for people of color. So I think this gets a little triggering when people are like, oh, I'm just gonna like, take this peptide and be dark now.

• 1:21:19Dax Shepard?

  But my point was, you don't mind when they get suntanned.

• 1:21:22Speaker 01

  I don't.

• 1:21:22Dax Shepard?

  Like, no one's mad if a white person gets suntanned. Cause that's natural. So you're really drawing this, what I think is a little bit arbitrary line, like, do you get it naturally or do you get it from a peptide? And that somehow changes it.

• 1:21:35Speaker 02

  But also like, this is information that I didn't know and that's helpful to understand.

• 1:21:38Dax Shepard?

  It all started because this woman identifies as black, which is clearly a problem. A white German lady. No, no, I was pointing to the TV. We put a picture of her up on the TV.

• 1:21:50Speaker 02

  She's like, this woman.

• 1:21:51Speaker 01

  That's the headline.

• 1:21:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, she's fucking Irish, by the way.

• 1:21:55Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. All to say, I'm white.

• 1:21:57Dax Shepard?

  Yes. No, but this German woman. She identifies as black, like saying, I identify as a woman, right? Like, that's her identity.

• 1:22:04Speaker 01

  Snow, and then she took this peptide.

• 1:22:07Dax Shepard?

  She had a lot of body modifications and then she took an elephant's dose of this peptide and she moved to Africa.

• 1:22:13Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:22:13Dax Shepard?

  So I think that's what kicked it off. Understandably, that context puts it

• 1:22:17Speaker 01

  Triggering.

• 1:22:18Dax Shepard?

  On a path where that reaction is justified.

• 1:22:22Speaker 02

  I understand.

• 1:22:22Dax Shepard?

  Rob, maybe you can pull that up at some point, just for Jack's amusement, because it's really something.

• 1:22:27Speaker 02

  Not amusement. We don't have to do this. And I really didn't realize the path that we were going.

• 1:22:31Dax Shepard?

  You'll be amused that a human has chosen this path on planet Earth. And it's okay to be amused by that. And if we pretend that that's not amusing, I don't know where we're at.

• 1:22:38Speaker 01

  I also think I don't care anymore. For a minute, I felt pretty strongly about that peptide and feeling like, oh, I don't know if that's good because of this. And now I'm like, whatever, I guess just do whatever you want.

• 1:22:51Dax Shepard?

  Everyone try to look as hot as you can. That's all we're all trying to do is look as hot as we can. Are you, Jack? I am. Look at my hair. I think you look wonderful.

• 1:22:59Speaker 02

  You're camped.

• 1:23:00Dax Shepard?

  Fisher Price hair.

• 1:23:02Speaker 01

  No, it's so nice.

• 1:23:03Dax Shepard?

  Lego, yeah, I'm like a Lego snap on here.

• 1:23:06Speaker 02

  You make the best of what you got.

• 1:23:08Dax Shepard?

  What you've carved out post 30 Rock is a pretty insane voiceover career.

• 1:23:14Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:23:15Dax Shepard?

  Which is kind of for people who aren't hip to it. It's about as good as it gets in a sense, because the money's great, the time commitment's very low. And you can maintain some anonymity to some degree.

• 1:23:29Speaker 02

  The best. Now, I have been told, and I hope I'm not getting my information wrong, because many of the characters that I voice do sound like this. I believe the term that was explained to me was that this would be a signature voice. As opposed to a more character voice, like many of the actors on The Simpsons can do like, you know, 12, 14 different characters. I cannot. So pretty much every character that I voice is gonna sound like this.

• 1:23:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:54Speaker 02

  Which I'm okay with.

• 1:23:55Speaker 01

  Yeah. That makes it easier for you.

• 1:23:59Dax Shepard?

  But you've been in Wreck it Ralph and the sequel, like big stuff. Disney shows that ran for an eternity.

• 1:24:05Speaker 02

  I know. I know. I can't believe it. What are you doing?

• 1:24:09Dax Shepard?

  He just has to click a button.

• 1:24:10Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:24:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we're almost out of time. Yeah, yeah, we're almost there. Don't worry.

• 1:24:13Speaker 01

  Are we out of time?

• 1:24:15Speaker 02

  Commercial break?

• 1:24:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:18Dax Shepard?

  So there's the before and after of her.

• 1:24:20Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:24:21Dax Shepard?

  We don't know how she did her hair, what peptide that is, but the hair.

• 1:24:24Speaker 01

  Like a wig situation.

• 1:24:25Dax Shepard?

  But it's clearly not with that widow's peak unless they do a lace front with that much extra hair up front. But you can see where this would kick off the kind of conversation that Monica might have some issues with peptide use. That's understandable. Yeah.

• 1:24:39Speaker 02

  I'm learning a lot today.

• 1:24:41Speaker 01

  We're here to teach.

• 1:24:42Dax Shepard?

  Okay, let's talk about Zillow Gone Wild. How did the...

• 1:24:45Speaker 02

  Yay.

• 1:24:45Dax Shepard?

  Happy birthday to Jack. Were you following the Instagram account before you got approached for this thing? Cause I was.

• 1:24:54Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 1:24:55Dax Shepard?

  I'm a first in Zillow Gone Wild Instagram.

• 1:24:57Speaker 02

  Excellent. So I'm not on social media, but I know that during the pandemic, this became a very popular Instagram page. And it's just actual listings on Zillow that stand out.

• 1:25:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:07Speaker 02

  Crazy listings on Zillow.

• 1:25:09Dax Shepard?

  They're Gone Wild. It's in the title. We'll get to this. This line, you gotta kind of... You don't want to be mean to anyone. And also, let's call it like it is. Some of these are...

• 1:25:18Speaker 02

  Crazy.

• 1:25:19Dax Shepard?

  Fella. Yeah.

• 1:25:21Speaker 02

  I mean, like by season three, I realized like, okay, my baseline is doesn't have a toilet. That's where we are.

• 1:25:28Dax Shepard?

  That's what you're hoping for.

• 1:25:29Speaker 02

  But it's been so fun. And what I do enjoy about this show, I get to do the TV version of what that Instagram page is.

• 1:25:35Dax Shepard?

  Right. So the Instagram page is like scouring all the Zillow listings around the country and it's gathering the most unique ones. And when anyone would look at them, if you don't follow this page, you go, how on earth are they going to sell this? Someone has committed their entire house to raccoons and raccoons stripe everywhere. You name it, people have done.

• 1:25:53Speaker 02

  It's been done.

• 1:25:54Dax Shepard?

  When did you get approached in this?

• 1:25:57Speaker 02

  This would have been in.

• 1:25:59Dax Shepard?

  March 11th.

• 1:26:00Speaker 02

  Well, it was June of 2023.

• 1:26:02Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:26:03Speaker 02

  It's weird, right?

• 1:26:04Dax Shepard?

  It is weird.

• 1:26:05Speaker 02

  But it helps me keep things organized. So here comes the dementia.

• 1:26:11Speaker 02

  I was in the groundlings.

• 1:26:14Dax Shepard?

  Do you like looking at houses? Is that a hobby?

• 1:26:15Speaker 02

  I do.

• 1:26:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:16Speaker 02

  Now, I live in my dream house, but when I'm strolling around the neighborhood and I see an open house, I'm going in that open house. Oh, I love it. And I think that's just a very human thing. I mean, it's a genuine curiosity. Like, oh, what are they doing? What is this like? What's their view? So they approached me about the show, did it, had a blast. You know, you're going in blind. I was like, am I going to be good at this? This is my first time doing unscripted.

• 1:26:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:39Speaker 02

  I was like, am I going to be interesting? Can I keep a conversation afloat? It was very important to me and I made this very clear with the producers. I don't want to be snarky. I don't want to be cynical. I don't want to embarrass these people. I don't want this to be an exercise in humiliation.

• 1:26:52Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 1:26:52Speaker 02

  I want this to be celebratory and I want this to be exploratory and really lean into the curiosity, the human curiosity we all have about like what other people are doing. On top of the fact that these houses are crazy.

• 1:27:06Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 1:27:07Speaker 02

  Bonkers.

• 1:27:07Dax Shepard?

  So you're 100% right to have that ethos going in or that principle. And I agree, it should not be making fun of people.

• 1:27:17Dax Shepard?

  But also often you are standing in places where like the only thing one could say is like, this is fucking nuts. I don't know, even when you go with that intention.

• 1:27:27Speaker 01

  Well, we have that, like on Armchair Anonymous, same thing, where it's like, we're not here to make fun of people. If you go in with the idea that you're not here to make fun of people, you do see the best.

• 1:27:38Dax Shepard?

  That's true, but his is more extreme. Like you need to see the places he's standing in and you have to recognize, like here's an example, and it wasn't even the owners of the house. They had bought it from someone else.

• 1:27:49Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:27:49Dax Shepard?

  But he's in a house and the thing that makes it qualify for Gone Wild is the previous owner was obsessed with storage. And so you walk into the kitchen, you have your normal refrigerator high cabinets, but then you have two more rows of cabinets above that, going up into what had to be like 15 feet up the ceiling. And it looks a little, like it gives you vertigo a little bit to see that many cupboard doors. And then it just unfolds as getting crazier and crazier. And there's a moment where they walk into this, it's 80 feet by 40 feet. So it's about a 4,000 square foot room that is a big cavernous room in floor to fucking ceiling of shelves.

• 1:28:27Dax Shepard?

  I was saying to Kristen, we were watching it last night and I'm like, I'm too distracted by needing to know what the mental illness was of the person who built it. Like my explanation was, you know, just like there are alcoholics that are low functioning or high functioning. To me, that house is like, well, this is a super high functioning hoarder. They have the money and the wherewithal to still hoard, but do it in a way that would be organized and it's madness.

• 1:28:52Speaker 02

  That was a crazy house. But again, like, how can I spin that? I think you are probably correct. It was someone who might've had issues of holding on to things, but had the wherewithal to keep it organized. But then it also begs the question, were those shelves ever filled?

• 1:29:10Dax Shepard?

  How did they clean out this house when it originally changed hands?

• 1:29:14Speaker 02

  But yeah, no, you are correct. And so what is crazy, they don't let me even do any homework of like what the house is about to be, because I want to catch my reaction genuine. And I'm like, well, I bet you anything I'm going to say, wow.

• 1:29:25Dax Shepard?

  This is scary. Like that room weirdly was a little bit scary.

• 1:29:29Speaker 02

  That one was unnerving because you know, I had seen the scope of the house from the outside, but I don't know what I'm about to see inside. And it was like a high school gym of shelves.

• 1:29:40Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:29:41Dax Shepard?

  It was so big that they were ultimately gonna cut it in half so that he could have a four car garage on one side with his cars inside and she could have another workspace and whatever. And there was still gonna be plenty of room. It's the size of my barn, Monica, in Nashville, but with shelves.

• 1:29:56Speaker 01

  So you're interviewing the people who, not in this case, but normally the people who live there? Or like you're walking through?

• 1:30:03Speaker 02

  A lot of times it is the people who built it and made these design choices. And sometimes it is the people who bought it because of those design choices. Either way, it is fun. I get to like spend several hours with the person we're taking the tour. And you know, a great deal of it is on camera, but some of it is off camera and you really get the dirt. And everybody has been a joy. They're opening up their homes to us. That's a big deal.

• 1:30:26Dax Shepard?

  It's vulnerable. You're saying, go ahead and judge me, basically.

• 1:30:29Speaker 02

  And especially in season one, they didn't know what they were saying yes to. So we got lucky with that. We were able to like set the tone. And I feel that that has made it easier in subsequent seasons to, you know, have that proof of concept, even though just like, I'm not here to make fun. Show us what you got.

• 1:30:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. And another one in the first season was this bunker. So I personally, you can't take this swing. This show works on so many levels. First of all, you're the greatest host. You're so fucking cheery and likeable.

• 1:30:55Speaker 02

  To be a good house guest.

• 1:30:56Dax Shepard?

  You're an incredible one.

• 1:30:57Speaker 01

  As we said, the chips, the ruffles.

• 1:30:59Speaker 02

  You'll receive a thank you note. You will.

• 1:31:02Dax Shepard?

  And a bill for personal parents.

• 1:31:06Speaker 02

  August 24.

• 1:31:10Dax Shepard?

  Okay. So it works on a lot of levels. A, it's just so fascinating to see people's houses and all the houses are completely bizarre. You're a phenomenal host, but the part for me, the third gear and juiciest of it is, is, and you already witnessed it, like, I love being armchair psychologist. And so I'm watching the one with the bunker and this boy bought a bunker, a missile silo.

• 1:31:30Speaker 02

  An abandoned missile silo that goes seven stories into the ground. It's all underground.

• 1:31:35Dax Shepard?

  It's all underground.

• 1:31:36Speaker 02

  There's a door above ground and it's all underground.

• 1:31:38Dax Shepard?

  And you walk down 50 feet of steps and then you're in this rusted out cavern. Now, mind you.

• 1:31:45Speaker 01

  This is a horror movie.

• 1:31:46Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. He painted the walls and he put some stuff up and then he takes Jack over to Where the missile used to sit and it has just taken on 50 feet of water. There's just standing water.

• 1:31:57Speaker 02

  Groundwater seeping in.

• 1:31:59Dax Shepard?

  Not his fault, not his fault. No, no. What are you gonna do? And also, what are you gonna do?

• 1:32:04Speaker 02

  Put a raft in that?

• 1:32:05Dax Shepard?

  He put a raft in it.

• 1:32:06Speaker 01

  No, he really did. No.

• 1:32:09Dax Shepard?

  Huge. I mean, a missile sat down there.

• 1:32:11Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 1:32:12Dax Shepard?

  Momma, you can't imagine how stressful it is to even just look at the environment. I can't imagine what it was like to be in that subterranean, damp, rusty.

• 1:32:22Speaker 02

  All right, may I?

• 1:32:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:24Speaker 02

  Our homeowner, Andrew, was a delight.

• 1:32:27Dax Shepard?

  Very sweet boy.

• 1:32:28Speaker 02

  You know, good old boy, did some hunting and fishing and stuff and treated himself to his own man cave, which happened to be an abandoned missile silo. Was it creepy?

• 1:32:37Dax Shepard?

  Yep.

• 1:32:38Speaker 02

  But when you have someone like him leading the tour and stuff, it did answer some questions. Would I have spent a great deal of time down there? Eh, no.

• 1:32:49Speaker 01

  No, thank you.

• 1:32:50Speaker 02

  Momma, no, I don't want to go there.

• 1:32:52Dax Shepard?

  But the psychology I was enjoying, and I said to Kristen, because he's giving his interview. He's like, you know how many people can say they've owned a missile silo? And I'm like, yeah, that's the only value to the place is to say you owned it. Cause there's nothing pleasurable about being down there, knowing whatever you want it. It's for sale, some other boy. No woman's ever gonna buy that place.

• 1:33:11Speaker 02

  You're not wrong.

• 1:33:12Dax Shepard?

  There's something about boys that are like, yeah, I have this thing nobody has. I'll tell people at school. It's so cute and sweet.

• 1:33:18Speaker 02

  That was sweet. And I will say this, and I'll be delicate. I suspect, and I haven't followed up to see if it's still on the market or what, but someone who perhaps is more concerned with long-term safety.

• 1:33:31Dax Shepard?

  Prepping, yeah.

• 1:33:33Speaker 02

  Your words, might consider a space like that. Yes.

• 1:33:36Speaker 01

  Safety is really the through line though, because that's what everyone is looking for in their house. So the person with all the shelves, that's also about safety.

• 1:33:45Speaker 02

  I agree. I've learned a great deal about how people define home. It's been really wonderful seeing how people define that. For me, it was just like four walls and a roof and peace and quiet. That's not the case for everybody.

• 1:33:56Dax Shepard?

  But this season, what are you doing? I know you're paling up with David Bromstad.

• 1:34:01Speaker 02

  Yeah. So he's like a legit HGTV person.

• 1:34:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he has a huge show, My Lottery Dream Home.

• 1:34:06Speaker 02

  Correct. And so the thing is like, he knows what he's talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about.

• 1:34:11Dax Shepard?

  Right, right.

• 1:34:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's right.

• 1:34:14Speaker 02

  But when it comes to houses, I know there are words I'm supposed to know, like, oh, Wayne Scotting.

• 1:34:20Dax Shepard?

  Your most genuine self always comes out when you see a swimming pool. Like when you're at the pink house, you're like, oh, my God, this swimming, like, you almost floated out of your body.

• 1:34:28Speaker 02

  Gosh, like pools are the best.

• 1:34:31Speaker 01

  Are you a good swimmer?

• 1:34:32Speaker 02

  I mean, I float.

• 1:34:33Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:34:34Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, I never do all that.

• 1:34:36Dax Shepard?

  So how many Bud Lights he's got in him?

• 1:34:38Speaker 02

  I love Bud Lights. I do. I do love a pool. What calls that, I wonder?

• 1:34:44Speaker 01

  The water. Do you like the ocean?

• 1:34:46Speaker 02

  I do, but I like the controlled environment of a pool.

• 1:34:49Dax Shepard?

  Very contained. So this season, you go 26 feet under Las Vegas?

• 1:34:54Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:34:54Dax Shepard?

  What was that one?

• 1:34:55Speaker 02

  It's a bunker. It's not just a house. It's got a yard, a fountain, an event space. You feel like you're outdoors, like they painted the sky, they've got lights. It is weird. It messes up with your.

• 1:35:06Dax Shepard?

  Circadian rhythm?

• 1:35:07Speaker 02

  That's the word.

• 1:35:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Did you watch Fallout by chance? You watch?

• 1:35:11Speaker 02

  No, but I know which one you're talking about.

• 1:35:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, with the no nos. But they're all in vaults underground. So it makes me think it would be, they're living their real life.

• 1:35:19Speaker 02

  In paradise, spoiler alert.

• 1:35:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:22Speaker 01

  You haven't seen it yet?

• 1:35:25Dax Shepard?

  You're probably not going to.

• 1:35:26Speaker 01

  Yep, I just ruined it.

• 1:35:27Speaker 02

  Season three, we saw 41 houses. So like, I've been traveling a great deal. My carbon footprint is not great.

• 1:35:34Dax Shepard?

  It's not great, but how's your airline status?

• 1:35:36Speaker 02

  So good. If I knew what those meant, it just gives you all these numbers and I'm like, I don't know what this means.

• 1:35:43Speaker 01

  You're at the top.

• 1:35:44Dax Shepard?

  You're probably diamond or platinum.

• 1:35:47Speaker 02

  Tell me, and then you got the hotel doing the same thing? I was like, I don't know what this means.

• 1:35:50Dax Shepard?

  Do you cash any of these in for your own?

• 1:35:52Speaker 02

  I don't know how.

• 1:35:54Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay.

• 1:35:55Speaker 02

  I don't know what this stuff means.

• 1:35:56Dax Shepard?

  Have you ever gone to see Alexander in Sweden?

• 1:35:59Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:35:59Dax Shepard?

  You have?

• 1:36:00Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:36:01Dax Shepard?

  What's that like? How are you not in love with him? I would be in love with him.

• 1:36:05Speaker 02

  We all are when you meet the boy, like.

• 1:36:07Speaker 01

  Yeah. So lovable.

• 1:36:10Speaker 02

  I'm the godfather of his kid.

• 1:36:11Speaker 01

  Oh, it's so nice. He was such a delight. We were surprised.

• 1:36:16Dax Shepard?

  We were completely taken by surprise.

• 1:36:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:36:19Dax Shepard?

  And he's so gorgeous. I could just look at him.

• 1:36:22Speaker 01

  He's a beautiful man.

• 1:36:23Speaker 02

  He's one of those people where you meet him and you're just like, oh, you're my guy.

• 1:36:26Dax Shepard?

  What do you do when you're in Sweden? You guys go out to bars at night and prowl?

• 1:36:29Speaker 02

  I mean, no, he cooks at home. He can be quite a homebody.

• 1:36:33Dax Shepard?

  It's domestic.

• 1:36:34Speaker 02

  Yes, it's domestic, but like it is also funny because half the time we're acting like an old married couple, half the time we're acting like middle school boys in class kind of thing, you know? We just giggle and he loves comedy and so I'm like, America's plus one, but I'll go with him to the SAG Awards or the Emmys or whatever.

• 1:36:51Dax Shepard?

  You joined him at SNL this year when he hosted.

• 1:36:52Speaker 02

  I joined him at SNL this year. When he meets the cast of Schitt's Creek, I'm like, oh, let's go say hey, let's go say hey. He's like, okay. So he gets nervous and like, it was the best.

• 1:37:02Speaker 01

  You guys are such a good duo.

• 1:37:04Speaker 02

  He's a gem.

• 1:37:05Dax Shepard?

  And then you were on Murder Bots.

• 1:37:06Speaker 02

  Without a better story.

• 1:37:08Dax Shepard?

  That was so fun.

• 1:37:11Speaker 02

  It is one of those things, you gotta be best friends with people who just give you jobs.

• 1:37:14Speaker 01

  That's a really good rule.

• 1:37:16Dax Shepard?

  Rule of thumb. I want to act in something with him. Yeah, that sounds fun.

• 1:37:20Speaker 02

  It is one of those things where I don't know who we were to each other in a past life, but we found each other.

• 1:37:25Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I love it. Okay, well, the new season of Zillow Gone Wild is out May 1st on HGTV. I also was watching old seasons on HBO Max.

• 1:37:38Speaker 02

  Correct.

• 1:37:38Dax Shepard?

  So feel free to go over to HBO Max. Your birthday is today?

• 1:37:44Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:37:45Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, that would have.

• 1:37:46Dax Shepard?

  What's the date today?

• 1:37:47Speaker 02

  April 29th.

• 1:37:48Speaker 01

  When's your birthday?

• 1:37:49Speaker 02

  May 27th.

• 1:37:50Dax Shepard?

  Oh, May, I wrote down 4/27. It's 3/27. If it were 4/27.

• 1:37:57Speaker 02

  And it's 4/29.

• 1:37:59Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God, today's 5, what is today? 5/29?

• 1:38:02Speaker 02

  Are you okay?

• 1:38:03Speaker 01

  It's all that nicotine.

• 1:38:05Speaker 02

  Shooting too many blanks.

• 1:38:06Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:38:07Speaker 02

  Oh, I made it bad.

• 1:38:08Dax Shepard?

  I'm really confused.

• 1:38:09Speaker 01

  We finally got something naughty.

• 1:38:12Dax Shepard?

  Today's 4/29.

• 1:38:16Speaker 01

  His birthday's 5/27.

• 1:38:17Dax Shepard?

  Five, no, it's three.

• 1:38:20Speaker 01

  No, May.

• 1:38:21Dax Shepard?

  May.

• 1:38:22Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:38:23Dax Shepard?

  Sorry.

• 1:38:24Speaker 01

  It's you're scaring everyone.

• 1:38:26Dax Shepard?

  Lincoln's birthday is March 27th. I don't know why I'm like, I'm getting stuck on March 27th.

• 1:38:31Speaker 02

  Marshmallow. I have three birthdays.

• 1:38:33Dax Shepard?

  So next month, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. All right, I'm gonna try to send you a very vile.

• 1:38:38Speaker 02

  You don't have to do that.

• 1:38:40Dax Shepard?

  You don't enjoy receiving them, just dishing them out?

• 1:38:43Speaker 02

  Do whatever you want.

• 1:38:44Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I'm gonna warn you now, I'm gonna call you a pecker.

• 1:38:46Speaker 02

  No, I'm blocking your name.

• 1:38:49Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna go, happy birthday, you pecker.

• 1:38:52Speaker 02

  Nobody even says that.

• 1:38:53Dax Shepard?

  Jack the pecker.

• 1:38:55Speaker 02

  You're terrible.

• 1:38:56Dax Shepard?

  I haven't used that word in 30 years.

• 1:38:58Speaker 02

  Good.

• 1:38:58Dax Shepard?

  It used to mean something in the eighties. They regularly called people in the eighties in shows and movies, peckers. That guy's a pecker.

• 1:39:04Speaker 01

  Well, pecker was a penis.

• 1:39:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:39:07Speaker 01

  Just reminding everyone, that's what it was.

• 1:39:11Speaker 01

  I'm all about this.

• 1:39:11Speaker 02

  You're the spoiler.

• 1:39:13Dax Shepard?

  Jack McBrayer, I love you. Thanks for getting through this with us.

• 1:39:17Speaker 02

  This was a weird experience, but it was fun.

• 1:39:20Speaker 01

  Was it?

• 1:39:20Speaker 02

  It was fun.

• 1:39:21Speaker 01

  Good, we have fun.

• 1:39:22Speaker 02

  I got a weird job.

• 1:39:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:39:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we like it.

• 1:39:25Speaker 01

  It's a blessing.

• 1:39:26Dax Shepard?

  We want to keep it. I adore you. I can't wait to your next party attendance and your next receipt and your next invoice.

• 1:39:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, throw a party just so Jack can come.

• 1:39:34Dax Shepard?

  I should, it's been too long.

• 1:39:35Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:39:36Dax Shepard?

  Or would you just want to go lay by the pool?

• 1:39:37Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:39:38Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great, yes, let's do that.

• 1:39:39Speaker 02

  That's easy.

• 1:39:40Dax Shepard?

  Do you sauna? What does that mean? Do you go in the sauna? Do you enjoy a sauna?

• 1:39:43Speaker 02

  Is that hot or with steam?

• 1:39:45Dax Shepard?

  Hot, uh, dry.

• 1:39:46Speaker 02

  Oh, that's what I meant.

• 1:39:47Dax Shepard?

  Alexander's never had you in a sauna, in a Swedish sauna?

• 1:39:50Speaker 02

  I mean, can I just use the pool?

• 1:39:51Dax Shepard?

  Yes, absolutely.

• 1:39:53Speaker 01

  But the sauna's also nice.

• 1:39:54Dax Shepard?

  It's very social. We like to get in the sauna together, chit chat.

• 1:39:58Speaker 02

  How big is the sauna?

• 1:39:59Dax Shepard?

  It's embarrassingly large.

• 1:40:00Speaker 02

  Is it big?

• 1:40:00Dax Shepard?

  It's shamefully large. It's like your carbon footprint.

• 1:40:03Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 1:40:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:04Speaker 02

  I have a terrible carbon footprint.

• 1:40:06Dax Shepard?

  I know you do, you just let that out of the bag.

• 1:40:07Speaker 02

  Well, it's not my fault.

• 1:40:09Speaker 01

  It's not your fault.

• 1:40:10Dax Shepard?

  It's HGTV, so check out the new season, uh, May 1st, which is 5, which is the month of your birth.

• 1:40:18Speaker 02

  I hate it here.

• 1:40:19Dax Shepard?

  In 1973. Okay, I love you.

• 1:40:20Speaker 01

  Love you.

• 1:40:21Dax Shepard?

  Good luck, everyone watch Zillow Gone Wild.

• 1:40:27Dax Shepard?

  Stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong.

• 1:40:35Dax Shepard?

  This episode is brought to you by Yellow.

• 1:40:38Speaker 01

  That's right. That is really right.

• 1:40:41Dax Shepard?

  It's officially brought to you by Yellow. Monica, as you know, I have these little snacks between our recording sessions.

• 1:40:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, you do.

• 1:40:47Dax Shepard?

  It's always the same bar. I'm kind of addicted to it and it's got half of my fiber in it.

• 1:40:52Speaker 01

  It really does sound like this is an ad now.

• 1:40:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, but I'm not gonna say the name of it.

• 1:40:55Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:40:56Dax Shepard?

  I just love this bar. It's got half my daily allowance of fiber in it.

• 1:41:02Speaker 01

  So I need that.

• 1:41:03Dax Shepard?

  I eat two a day.

• 1:41:06Dax Shepard?

  I love them. They're such a treat for me at night when I get into bed.

• 1:41:10Speaker 01

  It's your dessert?

• 1:41:11Dax Shepard?

  After I brush my teeth.

• 1:41:12Speaker 01

  Oh, after.

• 1:41:13Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, which people hate.

• 1:41:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, people won't like.

• 1:41:15Dax Shepard?

  Then I'll remind them that brushing your teeth is more about the plaque being on there for 24 hours and becoming tart or vice versa. It's more of a time game. As long as you interrupt it. Anyways, let's not hear neither. Last night I was laying in bed having my snack.

• 1:41:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:41:28Dax Shepard?

  190 calories.

• 1:41:29Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:41:30Dax Shepard?

  And I thought, huh, I wonder how this would taste on a melted marshmallow. Between two graham crackers.

• 1:41:38Speaker 01

  A smore?

• 1:41:39Dax Shepard?

  A smore. I want to try a smore with my protein fiber bar.

• 1:41:45Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 1:41:45Dax Shepard?

  This summer, I'm loosely scheduling it for July 4th weekend.

• 1:41:50Speaker 01

  Cool.

• 1:41:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so that's a new project I'm working on.

• 1:41:53Speaker 01

  That's fun.

• 1:41:54Dax Shepard?

  I know, so as we announce our new projects.

• 1:41:57Speaker 01

  I feel like you got inspired by an Armchair Anonymous we recorded. Maybe you didn't even know that you did, but you did.

• 1:42:04Dax Shepard?

  Camping one and I asked a little boy if he was gonna make smores that night and he said yes.

• 1:42:10Speaker 01

  There's a story about smores, yeah.

• 1:42:11Dax Shepard?

  And then I asked if he was gonna use a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.

• 1:42:14Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:42:14Dax Shepard?

  He said he had done that. He was a pro.

• 1:42:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was.

• 1:42:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he paid the price.

• 1:42:18Speaker 01

  Hasn't tried this.

• 1:42:19Dax Shepard?

  I don't know that anyone has. I bet be the first person in history that tries this protein bar as a smore topping.

• 1:42:26Speaker 01

  I think that could be true. I'm skeptical.

• 1:42:31Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:42:32Speaker 01

  But I'm hopeful for you.

• 1:42:34Dax Shepard?

  It's very rare. You know, I'm obsessed with anytime you can do anything on planet Earth that someone hasn't done. Eight billion people. We're at eight billion, by the way, now.

• 1:42:44Speaker 01

  I think that's a ding ding ding for a fact, actually, coming up.

• 1:42:47Dax Shepard?

  Oh, it is.

• 1:42:48Speaker 01

  Coming up Easter egg.

• 1:42:49Dax Shepard?

  Okay, forthcoming fact. But yeah, Lincoln had to correct me. I was like seven and a half billion. That's not it anymore. Or we're well above eight billion.

• 1:42:57Speaker 01

  Now, are you worried about what the heat of the protein powder? In the bar, there's protein in there, right? It's a protein bar, right?

• 1:43:06Dax Shepard?

  It is, which is unconventional for me because I don't prefer it. It is vegetable protein.

• 1:43:12Speaker 01

  Plant-based.

• 1:43:13Dax Shepard?

  Plant-based protein. So I do think it'll melt better than like, say, whey protein. That's what you're worried about?

• 1:43:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just feel like I'm a little nervous about the, what's going to happen consistency-wise when there's protein in there.

• 1:43:26Dax Shepard?

  Maybe I'll microwave one tonight to see what happens when it gets hot.

• 1:43:32Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:43:32Dax Shepard?

  You're right, it might turn hard, but I think it's gonna get

• 1:43:34Speaker 01

  It's gonna turn pretty hard.

• 1:43:35Dax Shepard?

  Runny and yummy. You're pessimistic.

• 1:43:37Speaker 01

  Report back on the next fact check.

• 1:43:39Dax Shepard?

  Well, no, it's not gonna happen until July.

• 1:43:40Speaker 01

  You said you're gonna put it in the microwave. Yeah, let's do some experimentation.

• 1:43:44Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:43:44Speaker 01

  Sometimes you do start projects and then you don't follow up, like your, your cashmere that you're making out of your back hair.

• 1:43:51Dax Shepard?

  I'm still, I'm still contributing to the stockpile.

• 1:43:54Speaker 01

  We just haven't heard lately.

• 1:43:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I just haven't given an update, but there's a growing bag in my bathroom.

• 1:43:59Speaker 01

  How much do we have these days?

• 1:44:01Dax Shepard?

  Probably enough for like a pinky sock.

• 1:44:04Speaker 01

  Oh, all right.

• 1:44:06Dax Shepard?

  That might be maybe half a pinky sock.

• 1:44:08Speaker 01

  Okay, it's like thimble.

• 1:44:09Dax Shepard?

  I don't know how much it's when it's, once it's spun, right? You got a spin wool.

• 1:44:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:44:14Dax Shepard?

  I think it goes down in size quite a bit.

• 1:44:16Speaker 01

  It does, it does.

• 1:44:17Dax Shepard?

  So I don't, I don't really know.

• 1:44:18Speaker 01

  It's pretty thin, this hair we're working with.

• 1:44:20Dax Shepard?

  Very, that's its appeal.

• 1:44:22Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:44:22Dax Shepard?

  It's baby soft because it's off of my baby's legs.

• 1:44:26Speaker 01

  And your, your

• 1:44:27Dax Shepard?

  In my back.

• 1:44:28Speaker 01

  The daddy's back.

• 1:44:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, none of the other hair would qualify because the rest of it's coarse. I was just getting complaints about it actually from Delta about the beard's not soft unless it's a certain length.

• 1:44:38Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:44:38Dax Shepard?

  And then my gray hair on the side's kind of scraggly. It's not as soft as the rest of it.

• 1:44:43Speaker 01

  Well, you could dye it and it'll get soft.

• 1:44:45Dax Shepard?

  I just reached out to Amy to see if she has a window to give me highlights. Not that my hair's getting longer, I like to have highlights.

• 1:44:51Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 1:44:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you know that.

• 1:44:53Speaker 01

  I do.

• 1:44:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:54Speaker 01

  I do know that.

• 1:44:55Dax Shepard?

  Highlights are fun. Have you ever considered any kind of layers for your hair for dimensions?

• 1:45:02Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:45:02Dax Shepard?

  No? When you got perfect hair, you don't fuck with it?

• 1:45:05Speaker 01

  It's not that I have perfect hair, it's that

• 1:45:07Dax Shepard?

  You have perfect hair.

• 1:45:08Speaker 01

  Well, that's very kind, thank you. But it's that I, oh, how do I say this?

• 1:45:14Dax Shepard?

  Well, you're afraid you're gonna offend somebody somehow.

• 1:45:16Speaker 01

  So if you're white and you

• 1:45:20Speaker 01

  Are how you're a brunette, you dye your hair blonde or vice versa. In the case of Dakota Johnson, vice versa.

• 1:45:27Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Is that a film she was in or?

• 1:45:29Speaker 01

  No, no, no. She just went blonde to brown.

• 1:45:32Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great.

• 1:45:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. And it still looks natural. You could have been born with that hair color.

• 1:45:38Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 1:45:39Speaker 01

  Now, if you have brown skin like me and black hair like me. I could not have been born with blonde highlights or blonde hair.

• 1:45:51Dax Shepard?

  I got you.

• 1:45:51Speaker 01

  I could not have. So it is just so obvious.

• 1:45:55Dax Shepard?

  Unnatural.

• 1:45:56Speaker 01

  That it's unnatural, that it's, that it is something done. Now, that's fine.

• 1:46:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, cuz look at me. Everyone knows I have gray hair on my sides and next week I'm not gonna have gray hair on my sides. They'll know it's all fake.

• 1:46:09Speaker 01

  Well, that's cuz we're talking about it. It's more about just like the brain knows that, well, by the way, if my hair goes gray, I'm dying it black.

• 1:46:18Dax Shepard?

  There we go.

• 1:46:18Speaker 01

  Like, it's not that I'm against, but my, I'm dying it my natural hair color.

• 1:46:24Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 1:46:24Speaker 01

  And that will appear like my natural hair color. Now, if I do a big, if I dye my hair blonde, it's gonna be pretty clear that I dyed it.

• 1:46:34Dax Shepard?

  But that might be okay.

• 1:46:36Speaker 01

  That's fine for whoever wants to do that, but I.

• 1:46:39Dax Shepard?

  Like George has got, you know, George has these beautiful ringlets, Pené.

• 1:46:43Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah.

• 1:46:43Dax Shepard?

  And here's there is very dark. I was noticing when I was FaceTiming the other day, he clearly has like a layer of blonde highlights. It looks really fun and radiant.

• 1:46:53Speaker 01

  Great.

• 1:46:53Dax Shepard?

  Playful.

• 1:46:54Speaker 01

  I'm sure.

• 1:46:55Dax Shepard?

  And it's clearly fake as hell. There's no way.

• 1:46:57Speaker 01

  Yeah. He doesn't care about that.

• 1:46:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:00Speaker 01

  And a lot of people don't. A lot of people don't. That's great. Like, do whatever you want. I'm just, I just mean for me.

• 1:47:06Dax Shepard?

  For your brand.

• 1:47:07Speaker 01

  I don't think I feel comfortable with like having something very obviously.

• 1:47:12Dax Shepard?

  Okay, kinda like the shaved sides.

• 1:47:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, not, it's not me.

• 1:47:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you're not taking big swings with your hair.

• 1:47:18Speaker 01

  I've never ta-

• 1:47:19Dax Shepard?

  What do you think your biggest swings are? I would say with your fashion.

• 1:47:22Speaker 01

  Probably, but even then, I'm not taking huge swings. I don't- Take very many, I mean, no, I do. My big swings are in my ability to confront people.

• 1:47:35Dax Shepard?

  Okay, that's your, where you reserve all your?

• 1:47:39Speaker 01

  Those are where I take bigger swings than most people in, I'm not afraid to have a hard conversation with someone who other people might be afraid to.

• 1:47:48Dax Shepard?

  Right, you're looking at me super intensely.

• 1:47:51Speaker 01

  I do have hard conversations with you that I do think a lot of people would avoid. And that's, that's where I keep it. I keep it in my hair.

• 1:48:00Dax Shepard?

  I got you.

• 1:48:00Speaker 01

  So I'm not willing to, well, and one time I got my hair cut when I was really little. Well, my mom did it. And it was a mushroom cut. And it looked horrible.

• 1:48:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, mushrooms cut. Very few people can pull off the mushroom cut.

• 1:48:12Speaker 01

  She didn't mean to make it a mushroom cut, but that's how it turned out.

• 1:48:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:17Speaker 01

  And so I just cannot, you know?

• 1:48:20Dax Shepard?

  Oh, so you're kind of reacting to a little bit of hair trauma?

• 1:48:22Speaker 01

  A little, I guess, a little. And I do think if you can have long hair, I mean, not for everyone, because it's hard to maintain, I guess, like, do it.

• 1:48:31Dax Shepard?

  You did just bring up a grievance I have.

• 1:48:34Speaker 01

  Oh, let's hear it.

• 1:48:35Dax Shepard?

  And it's the least sympathetic grievance I could have.

• 1:48:38Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:48:38Dax Shepard?

  So I'm acknowledging that. No one's gonna feel bad for me.

• 1:48:41Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 1:48:42Dax Shepard?

  But I am frustrated. The thing, so the thing you just said, like, you're not afraid to confront me, but other people would.

• 1:48:46Speaker 01

  Just like you're not afraid to confront me and other people would be as well. It's both ways.

• 1:48:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Aside from that, I've had numerous examples on a beam, one of them, right? Where Anna said like, oh no, I thought, I was afraid you're gonna be mad.

• 1:49:01Speaker 01

  She's afraid of you, yeah.

• 1:49:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and I'm like, I'm like, Anna, I mean, really, if we were around every tape ever, I've been nothing but like, just so sweet to Anna.

• 1:49:12Speaker 01

  I know, it's not about that.

• 1:49:13Dax Shepard?

  And I was just talking to Delta about this because...

• 1:49:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, this intimidation factor that I don't feel like I

• 1:49:25Speaker 01

  You don't feel like you earned.

• 1:49:26Dax Shepard?

  deserve or earned. Yeah, yeah. Like that people would be afraid of me. I'm like, that's not.

• 1:49:31Speaker 01

  It's a, this is a slippery conversation.

• 1:49:33Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:49:34Speaker 01

  I want, I mean, I'm happy to have it. I'm happy to have it, but I don't want us to get in a fight and I'm a little worried.

• 1:49:41Dax Shepard?

  Let's leave you and I out of it.

• 1:49:42Speaker 01

  I don't think we can.

• 1:49:43Dax Shepard?

  Well, I think we can, because I'm not, I'm not addressing you and I.

• 1:49:47Speaker 01

  But.

• 1:49:47Dax Shepard?

  I'm addressing other people that are afraid of me.

• 1:49:51Speaker 01

  I know, but the people that are afraid of you.

• 1:49:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:55Speaker 01

  Sometime, I think. Have seen instances of you being a little, okay, I don't know how to, it's not, well, scary, I guess to them, to them, right? But that.

• 1:50:07Dax Shepard?

  I don't know if Anna has.

• 1:50:08Speaker 01

  Uh, I mean, if we're just all in conversation and me and you are like doing a thing.

• 1:50:14Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:50:14Speaker 01

  That's intimidating. That's like, I don't want that. I don't ever want to be on the receiving end of that. I think is, is the way some people feel.

• 1:50:25Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:50:25Speaker 01

  If they've seen it or been around it or, um, also you just, you are someone who speaks their mind. As am I. And is not afraid to like, enter a tricky conversation, enter a fray. And what I've had to learn is a lot of people don't want to do that.

• 1:50:50Dax Shepard?

  Oh, sure.

• 1:50:51Speaker 01

  But that used to be hard for me.

• 1:50:55Dax Shepard?

  To accept that they didn't want to do it?

• 1:50:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:50:57Dax Shepard?

  You thought they did want to do it, they were just afraid to?

• 1:50:59Speaker 01

  Well, all of it. It's just like, it's like, oh, like if you think this, why wouldn't you just say it?

• 1:51:04Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:51:05Speaker 01

  And then I would get like annoyed.

• 1:51:08Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 1:51:08Speaker 01

  People not saying stuff when, and then like, but I'm, but then I had to understand that not everyone wants to have conflict, not everyone. In fact, most people don't.

• 1:51:22Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:51:23Speaker 01

  So they avoid it and, um.

• 1:51:27Speaker 01

  Uh, that's fine, you know?

• 1:51:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:29Speaker 01

  And so I, yeah, I think that's what it is.

• 1:51:32Dax Shepard?

  Being big is part of it too. Cause often, I think when I was talking about with Delta, it's like these little kids that come around. I'm so friendly.

• 1:51:40Speaker 01

  Oh, are the little kids scared of you?

• 1:51:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I think in general, a lot of the friends are afraid of me. Um, which is my doing, like I got tattoos and I got big, so I'm gonna take a lot of responsibility. But I'm just like, I'm so, I think I'm so friendly.

• 1:51:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, you are, but sometimes that's intimidating.

• 1:51:59Dax Shepard?

  To be friendly?

• 1:52:00Speaker 01

  A little, cause it's like.

• 1:52:02Dax Shepard?

  Why is he so friendly?

• 1:52:03Speaker 01

  No, it's just like, oh, I have to talk now, like this person's engaging with me.

• 1:52:08Dax Shepard?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:52:08Speaker 01

  So now I, I can't just like go sight unseen, like this person notices me.

• 1:52:14Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:52:14Speaker 01

  And now I, I have to talk and I'm a little kid and I don't really know how to talk to adults. I remember, I don't, maybe this has changed over time, I hope it has. But I used to be so intimidated by everyone's dad. Doesn't matter how big they were, what they looked like.

• 1:52:30Dax Shepard?

  The role of dad.

• 1:52:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, the role of dad was always intimidating.

• 1:52:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, of course, I don't want anyone to be intimidated by me. I, I want everyone to feel very, um, loved by me and comfortable.

• 1:52:43Speaker 01

  And.

• 1:52:44Dax Shepard?

  And.

• 1:52:45Speaker 01

  You also want people to understand that you aren't to be messed with or your family isn't to be messed with.

• 1:52:54Dax Shepard?

  Baddies. I don't care if baddies are intimidated by me.

• 1:52:57Speaker 01

  No, but it's all part of your persona. Your persona is I will not be fucked with, like I'll be nice to you, but if you cross a line, like I'm killing you.

• 1:53:06Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:53:07Speaker 01

  To death, so, um.

• 1:53:09Dax Shepard?

  Killing you to death.

• 1:53:10Speaker 01

  Or if, if you, if you say something about someone that I'm protective of, I'm killing you to death. So like, you know, there's some, like. What's the line? What's the line I might accidentally step on?

• 1:53:24Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:53:25Speaker 01

  I don't know if the kids know about that. The Delta's friends.

• 1:53:28Dax Shepard?

  Maybe they just can intuitively. Spidey senses.

• 1:53:33Speaker 01

  I wonder if it, I wonder if your tattoos do contribute.

• 1:53:35Dax Shepard?

  I'm just mostly, this is probably my grievance against Anna where I'm like, sweet, sweet girl. I've been, uh, I just so loving. I can't imagine having put more effort into being like loving.

• 1:53:48Speaker 01

  You're very kind to her.

• 1:53:50Dax Shepard?

  The idea that she would be scared of me. That just hurts my feelings.

• 1:53:55Speaker 01

  I'm sorry it hurts your feelings. I am, I really am. I am. I don't want your feelings to be hurt and I hope you can

• 1:54:02Dax Shepard?

  Understand.

• 1:54:03Speaker 01

  Understand, like.

• 1:54:05Dax Shepard?

  I can. We got, we worked through it.

• 1:54:07Speaker 01

  You're, you're a presence.

• 1:54:09Dax Shepard?

  I'm president.

• 1:54:12Speaker 01

  You're a presence.

• 1:54:15Dax Shepard?

  Okay. I guess I'm over it. Yeah. I just, you understand what I'm saying.

• 1:54:19Speaker 01

  I do.

• 1:54:19Dax Shepard?

  I, the notion that someone would be afraid of me, someone like Anna.

• 1:54:23Speaker 01

  But listen, okay, first of all, I want to, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

• 1:54:27Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:54:28Speaker 01

  Two things.

• 1:54:28Dax Shepard?

  All right.

• 1:54:29Speaker 01

  One, you've never been mean to Anna, ever. And she doesn't think that. She doesn't think like, oh, Dax was mean to me or any, like, I've never heard her say that.

• 1:54:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:40Speaker 01

  Um, and then also Anna is also not, you're putting her in a category of like, she's like such a like sweet baby, like she's not.

• 1:54:52Dax Shepard?

  No, I don't think she's a sweet baby. She does cry very easily.

• 1:54:56Speaker 01

  Oh, I mean, she.

• 1:54:56Dax Shepard?

  She cries a lot and that's, that's hard for me when people, when girls cry. So I, anytime girls cry, I'm, I'm like, I have no game plan anymore.

• 1:55:07Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:55:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:55:08Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:55:09Dax Shepard?

  So she does cry. I love it about her.

• 1:55:12Speaker 01

  I mean, she's a cancer. Oh my God. She'd be so mad if she heard me say she's Pisces. But she's a cancer. Um, and she does cry the drop of a hat.

• 1:55:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:55:20Speaker 01

  But she's tough, like.

• 1:55:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh yeah. She'll be fine an hour later.

• 1:55:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. And she's not crying about, hmm, sometimes she is crying about things that people say, um, or do, but like, you know, she can dish, she dishes it out.

• 1:55:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. I don't think she's fragile.

• 1:55:38Speaker 01

  Not fragile.

• 1:55:38Dax Shepard?

  I don't think she's fragile at all.

• 1:55:40Speaker 01

  Not fragile.

• 1:55:40Dax Shepard?

  In fact, I think she's very robust.

• 1:55:42Speaker 01

  I will tell you, so she, um, she made a mistake once.

• 1:55:47Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:55:48Speaker 01

  Um, for you too, you and Kristen.

• 1:55:51Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, I already know.

• 1:55:51Speaker 01

  You know what this is.

• 1:55:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:55:53Speaker 01

  She made a mistake.

• 1:55:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:55:55Speaker 01

  And.

• 1:55:55Dax Shepard?

  It was financially a hefty mistake.

• 1:55:57Speaker 01

  It impacted, it impacted you financially.

• 1:56:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:56:00Speaker 01

  And she told me.

• 1:56:02Dax Shepard?

  Hmm.

• 1:56:02Speaker 01

  You know, and so she's very stressed out about this.

• 1:56:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:07Speaker 01

  But then she said, then you made a point to tell her to not ever stress out about your money. And that was very kind.

• 1:56:20Dax Shepard?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:56:21Speaker 01

  And she felt a little better.

• 1:56:24Dax Shepard?

  I said, the best use of money that could ever be is that the people I love can be happy from it.

• 1:56:30Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:56:31Dax Shepard?

  And so the notion that someone would be upset because of missing money, that's the whole reason to have it. So I don't, I refuse to let you be upset about this. Cause I'm not mad. I would never get mad at someone I love over money.

• 1:56:45Speaker 01

  Well, yeah.

• 1:56:47Dax Shepard?

  Uh oh. What?

• 1:56:50Speaker 01

  I thought it was really sweet that you said that and you, and you did, you did everything you could to make her feel totally better about that.

• 1:56:58Dax Shepard?

  What are you smirking about over there?

• 1:57:02Speaker 01

  I just, I don't know. Sometimes, sometimes I'm jealous.

• 1:57:09Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:57:10Speaker 01

  Sometimes I'm jealous of people who have honestly like a less, I don't want to say intimate, but kind of a relationship with you. Like, I think, you know, I don't know.

• 1:57:26Dax Shepard?

  You think, yeah, if I worked with Anna every day for eight years and she blew a big chunk of money for Armchair X, or is that what you're saying, kind of?

• 1:57:36Speaker 01

  Well, I just.

• 1:57:37Dax Shepard?

  I would, I would address it.

• 1:57:39Speaker 01

  I don't think you always, and, and vice versa, ding ding ding.

• 1:57:45Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:57:46Speaker 01

  Um.

• 1:57:46Dax Shepard?

  For me.

• 1:57:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. Me to you and Dakota's hair.

• 1:57:50Dax Shepard?

  Dakota.

• 1:57:50Speaker 01

  Dakota Johnson, vice versa.

• 1:57:52Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:57:53Speaker 01

  Um, I don't think we necessarily treat each other with the same level of like sweetness and kindness that we treat other people.

• 1:58:03Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 1:58:03Speaker 01

  That are less like, um.

• 1:58:07Speaker 01

  I mean, for important to me, people who are less important to me, I can treat better.

• 1:58:13Dax Shepard?

  Well, yeah, which makes total sense with like, the less impact someone has on your life.

• 1:58:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:58:19Dax Shepard?

  The, the less concerned you are about their behavior, because who cares? It's not going to affect you.

• 1:58:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:58:25Dax Shepard?

  But yeah, if you run a business with somebody.

• 1:58:27Speaker 01

  It's more than that. It's like, it's more than that. It's, you know, the history, the being there since the kids were three months old, the, you know, like, the whole family element, the, the, it's deeper than that, like, it's, and I'm so happy about that, but it, I think it can come at a, a cost, but that's just like the way life is, I guess.

• 1:58:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I think if you cross this threshold, that's not full siblings, but it's almost sibling-esque.

• 1:59:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:59:02Dax Shepard?

  It's like, I'm, we're together way too much for me to ignore things.

• 1:59:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:59:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and there's just like, okay, well, I've earned this, you know how I feel about you. Like, is what you think in your mind, like, my siblings.

• 1:59:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:59:17Dax Shepard?

  Like, I love my brother and my sister, and I'm gonna be there for them till we're all dead.

• 1:59:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:59:23Dax Shepard?

  And so I'll tell them things that are harsher, for sure. Then I'll tell anyone else, because it's implicit the safety of the relationship.

• 1:59:33Speaker 01

  I know, and I think that's where there's sometimes a weird, like, a, um, extra hard layer for us, or for all, me and the family, is like, there is the, that relationship, but there isn't the intrinsic safety. Like, it's, it's implied safety, it's a feeling of safety, but it's not biological, it's not, you know.

• 2:00:02Speaker 01

  Which biologically also people don't, that doesn't always happen.

• 2:00:05Dax Shepard?

  And I think it all depends to like your own personal experience in life. So it's like, Aaron, him being my biological brother would not make us closer, nor would it make our relationship more permanent. Like it's just so fucking permanent.

• 2:00:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:00:18Dax Shepard?

  We both know it. And yeah, we talk to each other differently. It's what I love about it. Right? It's just like, he knows I'm not judging him.

• 2:00:26Speaker 01

  Right.

• 2:00:27Dax Shepard?

  And I'll just say whatever I observe and vice versa.

• 2:00:32Dax Shepard?

  Dakota Fanning.

• 2:00:32Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, Johnson.

• 2:00:33Dax Shepard?

  De'Cona Johnson.

• 2:00:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a big vice versa episode.

• 2:00:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Brought to you by yellow and vice versa. You look all of it like everything in life. It's all trade offs. So you take on more good and you take on more bad. You take on more, you know, closeness. I'm still to some degree seeing Anna's presenting self.

• 2:00:53Speaker 01

  Right.

• 2:00:54Dax Shepard?

  You know?

• 2:00:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:00:56Dax Shepard?

  Um, I don't see, I'm not with her 45 hours a week, so I don't really know Anna the way that her ex-girlfriend knows her or Kristen knows her.

• 2:01:08Speaker 01

  Or me.

• 2:01:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, or you.

• 2:01:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:01:10Dax Shepard?

  And yeah, I just think all these predictable things happen when you get super close to somebody.

• 2:01:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, that is true.

• 2:01:17Dax Shepard?

  And you're like, well, we no longer have like an acquaintanceship or a loose friendship. We're now like, we're coexisting. So if we're coexisting, we have to like call out.

• 2:01:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:01:27Dax Shepard?

  Things that.

• 2:01:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:01:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:01:30Speaker 01

  I know.

• 2:01:32Speaker 01

  It, yeah, it is. It's just trade offs. It's, it's, it's interesting. But yeah, you're very nice to her, all to say. And she shouldn't be, your feelings shouldn't, but your feelings shouldn't be her, cuz she's also like, he's also my boss to an extent. And Kristen's her boss, but.

• 2:01:51Dax Shepard?

  But I'm not. I make that really clear.

• 2:01:54Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, but also if you ask her to do something, she can't say no.

• 2:01:57Dax Shepard?

  So I don't ever ask her to do anything. The two or three times I've asked her to do something, I pay her on the side. And I say like, you don't work for me.

• 2:02:05Speaker 01

  I know, I know. But it's just part, you know what I mean? Like, it's a dynamic. Like, if you, if you ask her to do something.

• 2:02:12Dax Shepard?

  I am her boss's husband.

• 2:02:13Speaker 01

  If you ask her to do something, it's different than if I ask her to do something. It just is. And so there's gonna, that's just the way.

• 2:02:20Dax Shepard?

  I know.

• 2:02:21Speaker 01

  You know? Again.

• 2:02:23Dax Shepard?

  But again, the time that I, like someone asked her to do something that shouldn't have asked her to do something. And I witnessed it and that person got a talking to.

• 2:02:32Speaker 01

  But.

• 2:02:36Dax Shepard?

  Okay. I guess you should be intimidated by me. Yeah.

• 2:02:39Speaker 01

  Just because like.

• 2:02:40Dax Shepard?

  But it was a family member, so I didn't.

• 2:02:42Speaker 01

  Get a talking to. No one wants to get a talking to from dad. That's just the way it goes.

• 2:02:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:02:50Speaker 05

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare.

• 2:03:03Speaker 01

  Speaking of family.

• 2:03:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:03:06Speaker 01

  My brother proposed to his girlfriend.

• 2:03:08Dax Shepard?

  He did.

• 2:03:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:03:10Dax Shepard?

  Did he make a big thing of it?

• 2:03:12Speaker 01

  He did.

• 2:03:13Dax Shepard?

  He did.

• 2:03:13Speaker 01

  He did. He took her to this nice restaurant and then he like had a whole thing like.

• 2:03:18Dax Shepard?

  A whole to do.

• 2:03:19Speaker 01

  All this, these flowers was a whole to do.

• 2:03:21Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow.

• 2:03:22Speaker 01

  Got down on one knee and he did it up and they're very happy.

• 2:03:26Dax Shepard?

  Oh, good. She said yes.

• 2:03:28Speaker 01

  She said yes.

• 2:03:29Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Stressful.

• 2:03:32Speaker 01

  She did.

• 2:03:32Dax Shepard?

  I'm glad he didn't do it at a sporting event.

• 2:03:34Speaker 01

  No, he wouldn't do that.

• 2:03:37Dax Shepard?

  I guess if you've already asked the woman, would you say yes? And she said yes. Then you can do it at a sporting event.

• 2:03:43Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:03:44Dax Shepard?

  But I do not like when the woman's surprised. And she has an entire audience waiting to see if she's gonna say yes or no.

• 2:03:51Speaker 01

  That stresses me out.

• 2:03:52Dax Shepard?

  That's a, that's not a fair assessment. You don't have a real answer.

• 2:03:56Speaker 01

  They have to. Yeah, that's fair.

• 2:03:59Dax Shepard?

  The pressure.

• 2:04:00Speaker 01

  I know. No, if anyone wants to propose to me, do not. If you know me even a little bit, I hate audience participation. So if you ever, if you propose to me in a way that's in public, I'm saying no.

• 2:04:12Dax Shepard?

  Okay, that's just across the board.

• 2:04:14Speaker 01

  No, you don't even know me.

• 2:04:15Dax Shepard?

  Matt Damon asked you in public.

• 2:04:17Speaker 01

  He doesn't know me. And what happened? Like, what happened with his life, you know?

• 2:04:22Dax Shepard?

  Well, he's, he's single in this scenario.

• 2:04:24Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:04:25Dax Shepard?

  She left him.

• 2:04:26Speaker 01

  Oh, good. Okay.

• 2:04:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. He didn't. He wanted to stay with her forever.

• 2:04:29Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:04:29Dax Shepard?

  He's fine. He's, he's coming out of this smelling like roses. He's the bad guy.

• 2:04:34Speaker 01

  Cool.

• 2:04:35Dax Shepard?

  And then he asks you at a hockey game, a Boston Bruins game. He wants you to see his Boston Bruins.

• 2:04:42Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:04:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:04:43Speaker 01

  And we're on the cam.

• 2:04:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you're on the cam at Damon and Monica Padman.

• 2:04:48Speaker 01

  Um.

• 2:04:48Dax Shepard?

  Kiss cam and then it turns into.

• 2:04:50Speaker 01

  Oh, I don't, oh. All of this is a nightmare. I'm saying no.

• 2:04:56Dax Shepard?

  I always turned the non kiss cam into a kiss cam when I would go to the Dodgers game with Peter Krause and my brother.

• 2:05:03Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:05:04Dax Shepard?

  Anytime they would show us on the big screen, just to say like parenthood's here, I would turn and try to kiss him as if it were the kiss cam.

• 2:05:11Speaker 01

  That's very funny. Um, okay. I have, I have a situation that happened.

• 2:05:16Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. Great. It's been a while.

• 2:05:19Speaker 01

  Yeah. I'm, I'm, I'm prepping for your response.

• 2:05:25Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:05:26Speaker 01

  Okay. So Jess and I went to a restaurant, Quarter Sheets. I probably shouldn't say it, but I said it.

• 2:05:32Dax Shepard?

  Pizza place, right?

• 2:05:33Speaker 01

  Yes. Love it. It's very hard to get in. You have, we have a whole routine or you stand in line. You put your name in. It's always like at least an hour and then we go next door.

• 2:05:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:05:44Speaker 01

  We go next door and there's a bar next door called Little Joy. Very cute.

• 2:05:48Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:05:48Speaker 01

  Um, we have a drink and chips. They sell chips there.

• 2:05:53Dax Shepard?

  Like homemade?

• 2:05:54Speaker 01

  No.

• 2:05:54Dax Shepard?

  Potato chips?

• 2:05:55Speaker 01

  From like, um, the gas station.

• 2:05:57Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. Like Ruffles and Lay's?

• 2:05:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, but like kind of the fancier ones like kettle.

• 2:06:01Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:06:01Speaker 01

  You know? And so they have different ones every time. It's very exciting. Anyway, we do that and then we go. So we did that the other day and we got to Quarter Sheets. Uh, there was a really nice couple next to us and, um, in fact, you know, we ordered, they were getting ready to leave, like they were, got their check and we had ordered, we got these beans. They make the best beans and they're always changing up the beans and every time they're so good. Oh my God. So we're eating our beans and we, and like, there's like this couple and the, um, woman looks at us and she's like, oh my God, so sorry. We're just like stare, or just like staring and like gawking and, and, and we were just like, I know the beans

• 2:06:44Speaker 01

  are so good. We had this like little exchange. They were so nice. They left. Right? We're continuing and then the server comes, he moves that table over so now there's this, they make this big table.

• 2:06:55Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh. Party of what? Six, eight?

• 2:06:57Speaker 01

  Uh, four.

• 2:07:00Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:07:01Speaker 01

  But the table's probably like for six, okay? So then these people come in, two couples. And they're kids. So two couples, each with two children.

• 2:07:12Dax Shepard?

  Mm hmm.

• 2:07:13Speaker 01

  And they were little kids, some were babies. And um, we looked over and they were all sitting and it was like cute and you know, we were like, oh, I wonder like, are they like? In-laws or like, what's going on? One of the babies was so cute, like Delta level.

• 2:07:31Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:07:32Speaker 01

  It was wild and I really wanted to hold it.

• 2:07:35Dax Shepard?

  Once in a generation cute.

• 2:07:36Speaker 01

  Yes. And, and oh, so cute and small and whatever. Anyway, so we're like, you know, we, I, I, I will admit, I think. Well, I will admit that I think we were looking like fair amount at, at this family and like they're being cute. And they would like get up and like go and you know, rock the baby and come back. One of the babies was feeding, one of the kids came around and I, I said hi to one of the kids. Okay. All this is going on.

• 2:08:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:08:02Speaker 01

  We're enjoying our meal. It's great. And at the end, we were paid. And the server brought us this cookie. And they said, that's, it's from them.

• 2:08:13Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 2:08:14Speaker 01

  And I was like, oh my gosh, that's so nice. And this is so embarrassing, but I have to admit it. Of course, I thought they were a fan of the show.

• 2:08:24Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 2:08:26Speaker 01

  So I was like, oh my God, that, and they're like, because, and she said, because.

• 2:08:31Dax Shepard?

  All the kids.

• 2:08:32Speaker 01

  Right. And I was like, oh, oh, and Jess and I both were like, no, no, no. That was totally fine. You didn't need to do that. And like, one of the dads was like, no, it's okay. Like, yeah, no problem. But like, didn't really, wasn't like trying to like really engage. It's like, you're welcome, kind of like be done with it.

• 2:08:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:08:52Speaker 01

  And then what we kept being like, oh my gosh, like.

• 2:08:57Speaker 01

  Like, I really hope like your fam- like, your family is so cute. We were talking about how cute your kids are. And, um, and Jess was like, yeah, like, we're just single over here. And, you know, there's kind of some laughter and then we were leaving and again, I was like, thanks again so much. You really didn't have to do that. And we both left and he was like, that was weird. And I was like, it was weird. The moms were mad at us. They would not look at us when all this was going on. And like, I was like, trying, you know, I was like, trying to engage. And I mainly was looking at one mom. He mainly was looking at the other. So he was talking about this lady and I was talking about this lady experiencing the exact same thing.

• 2:09:40Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 2:09:41Speaker 01

  And I was like, wait a minute. Is this some sort of like resentment cookie? Like, they thought we were judging them. So they got us this cookie to make, like, to abate the situation, but they were actually just, they were mad that we were upset, but we weren't upset.

• 2:10:03Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh. Yeah.

• 2:10:04Speaker 01

  And then I hated this cookie.

• 2:10:07Dax Shepard?

  Okay, but you'd already eaten it?

• 2:10:09Speaker 01

  No, I didn't eat it. It's still sitting in my kitchen.

• 2:10:12Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:10:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was wrapped.

• 2:10:13Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay.

• 2:10:14Speaker 01

  And I felt weird because I was like, oh my God, how is it that now we feel bad?

• 2:10:21Dax Shepard?

  Mm hmm.

• 2:10:22Speaker 01

  When we didn't, we really did not. The reason I know we didn't do anything wrong is because we didn't have any bad thoughts.

• 2:10:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, sure, sure.

• 2:10:29Speaker 01

  We actively, we were not like, oh my God, there's like so many kids here or anything. I, they were so cute.

• 2:10:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:10:35Speaker 01

  Especially the little one.

• 2:10:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, they're the cutest.

• 2:10:37Speaker 01

  Really wanted to hold it.

• 2:10:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:10:40Speaker 01

  So I didn't like.

• 2:10:41Dax Shepard?

  To me, well, first of all, I, I do this all the time.

• 2:10:45Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:10:45Dax Shepard?

  So like, when I go out to Bricktops and it's the kids and we've got a party of nine and I know we're loud. I often buy the people that are directly next to us's dinner.

• 2:10:57Speaker 01

  That's sweet.

• 2:10:58Dax Shepard?

  I do that all the time.

• 2:10:59Speaker 01

  But you don't resent them.

• 2:11:00Dax Shepard?

  Often they'll go, oh no. And I go, oh no, it's fine. That exchange can go on too long.

• 2:11:09Speaker 01

  Well, that's because you're famous.

• 2:11:11Dax Shepard?

  Well, no, just like. I don't want to debate whether you you like you earned it or I shouldn't have done it or whatever. It's just like, I just want to go like, hey, thanks for being a good sport. I know we were allowed. And then if you're kind of like, no, I reject it. No, I loved it. At some point, I want to go, what are you like, what are we debating now that you should like, you want them to refund my card? Now you pay? Like, maybe, maybe they just wanted you to go like, thanks and to be done with it and didn't want to have to beg you to take it or convince you.

• 2:11:48Speaker 01

  We didn't say like, take it back or we'll buy you one now. Like, it wasn't like a whole thing. Like, it was just like, oh, my God, no. That was, it wasn't an issue. Like, they were apologizing and we were saying, you don't need to apologize.

• 2:12:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:12:04Speaker 01

  And also, let me tell you something about quarter sheets, if you're gonna go there.

• 2:12:07Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:12:08Speaker 01

  Um, this was our table, right?

• 2:12:10Dax Shepard?

  Okay, you're.

• 2:12:10Speaker 01

  They're here.

• 2:12:11Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so they're.

• 2:12:12Speaker 01

  And that's not an exaggeration.

• 2:12:13Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so for Monica, for the listener, we're talking.

• 2:12:16Speaker 01

  12 inches. If, if that. Like, I walk, had to walk through sideways to get out of the booth.

• 2:12:22Dax Shepard?

  This is like me at the fight on Saturday.

• 2:12:24Speaker 01

  You got stuck.

• 2:12:25Dax Shepard?

  I was next to a linebacker.

• 2:12:26Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:12:27Dax Shepard?

  Jared verse.

• 2:12:28Speaker 01

  Were you scared?

• 2:12:29Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 2:12:29Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:12:30Dax Shepard?

  But I was like, this is couldn't be more inconvenient. We're in folding chairs that are butted up next to each other. Had a, had a dainty woman been next to me, we would have been touching shoulders. But I had a, a real linebacker from the LA Rams and I sitting next to each other. Then Ryan, not small. Then Barry Bonds.

• 2:12:49Speaker 01

  Oh, my.

• 2:12:49Dax Shepard?

  Probably the most jacked baseball player of all time.

• 2:12:52Speaker 01

  Wow, that's cool.

• 2:12:53Dax Shepard?

  It's great. It's exciting. There wasn't enough room for all of us. So we had to core choreograph and coordinate. Like, they, Ryan and the linebacker would lean forward for a while and watch the fight.

• 2:13:08Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:13:08Dax Shepard?

  And then they'd want to come back. And then that was my cue to lean forward. And then Barry Bonds was following suit. So there was like, all this.

• 2:13:15Speaker 01

  Was it spoken or unspoken?

• 2:13:17Dax Shepard?

  All unspoken.

• 2:13:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:13:19Dax Shepard?

  But of course, because I was touching this man for three hours, this gorgeous linebacker, he's so good looking, Monica.

• 2:13:28Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 2:13:29Dax Shepard?

  I mean, so good looking. I'm like, this dude's 25.

• 2:13:31Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 2:13:32Dax Shepard?

  Plays for the Rams. He's this good looking.

• 2:13:34Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 2:13:35Dax Shepard?

  What a good time that must be. I was very friendly and talking quite a bit, maybe more than

• 2:13:42Speaker 01

  He wanted.

• 2:13:43Dax Shepard?

  He bargained for. Yeah, but I was like, we are snuggling.

• 2:13:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:13:48Dax Shepard?

  Let's chat a little bit.

• 2:13:49Speaker 01

  He's used to being touched. He's a football player.

• 2:13:51Dax Shepard?

  His butt in particular.

• 2:13:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, they touch each other's butts.

• 2:13:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:13:54Speaker 01

  And then they.

• 2:13:55Dax Shepard?

  Oh, here he is.

• 2:13:56Speaker 01

  Very handsome, very, very.

• 2:13:58Dax Shepard?

  You guys see his smile, though. It's so infectious. That's not a good picture of him because he's chewing on a piece of plastic. But what was I gonna tell you about him? I was gonna, oh, he's on a, he's trying to eat non-processed food.

• 2:14:12Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 2:14:14Dax Shepard?

  Because I offered them some of my caramel corn I had gotten and he said he wasn't fucking with sugar. And I was like, how long you been off sugar? He's like 36 hours, but in general, I try to eat processed food. I was like, look at this young man. He's 25. He's work, you know, he's conscious of his health.

• 2:14:28Speaker 01

  He has to. It's his job.

• 2:14:29Dax Shepard?

  And he's got to put on weight. Like linebackers are supposed to keep on a lot of weight.

• 2:14:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a lot to deal with.

• 2:14:34Dax Shepard?

  It was exciting.

• 2:14:35Speaker 01

  Um, anywho, so, so the closeness, you were very, sitting very close to him.

• 2:14:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, to a linebacker.

• 2:14:42Speaker 01

  As I was to this family.

• 2:14:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:14:44Speaker 01

  And so you couldn't really just be like, thanks. And then like turn your head. It had.

• 2:14:48Dax Shepard?

  It required a little more follow up.

• 2:14:50Speaker 01

  And.

• 2:14:51Dax Shepard?

  I really can't see, I can't make an argument where they're mad at you guys.

• 2:14:57Speaker 01

  I know.

• 2:14:58Dax Shepard?

  Like it just doesn't.

• 2:14:59Speaker 01

  No, I can. I can. Like the, they're like.

• 2:15:02Dax Shepard?

  Stop staring at us.

• 2:15:03Speaker 01

  Stop staring at us or, yeah, we have kids. Like, that's, this is what happens. You have kids.

• 2:15:09Dax Shepard?

  You think they were defensive?

• 2:15:10Speaker 01

  Yes, I felt that they were defensive. And then I created a scenario where the husbands are the ones that sent the cookie.

• 2:15:19Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:15:19Speaker 01

  Okay, even.

• 2:15:20Dax Shepard?

  Which would be very unconventional. I'll just say that's.

• 2:15:23Speaker 01

  I know, but the husbands were the ones, they were mainly sitting the whole time.

• 2:15:28Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 2:15:29Speaker 01

  And the wives were like up and back, up and back. And so they maybe, okay, this is maybe what happened. Okay. Maybe the husbands were like, hey, maybe just like, don't get up, like, don't, because you're bothering them. Or something, you know? And then they're like, well, we have to, like, we have to take care of these children.

• 2:15:45Dax Shepard?

  You might have stumbled into a little conflict between them.

• 2:15:48Speaker 01

  Exactly. And so then they sent the cookie and then the cookie.

• 2:15:52Dax Shepard?

  We weren't doing anything fucking wrong. You don't need to apologize. We're just handling the kids. So maybe they're mad at their husband.

• 2:15:57Speaker 01

  Yep. And then they send this cookie over, reiterating that they had, everyone had done something wrong. So then they were then mad at us.

• 2:16:05Dax Shepard?

  Vixen. They're like, my husband's sending fucking cookies to this hot chick next to me.

• 2:16:10Speaker 01

  No, they're like, why did you?

• 2:16:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, she's a known cookie boy.

• 2:16:14Speaker 01

  Literally, I am a cookie boy. But they, like, why did you do that? We, nothing, they, we didn't do anything wrong. You didn't need to do that.

• 2:16:22Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:16:23Speaker 01

  And then they sent their resentment at us. And so I had to throw the cookie away because it's laced with poison.

• 2:16:28Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God.

• 2:16:29Speaker 01

  Mental poison.

• 2:16:30Dax Shepard?

  Okay. It wasn't just you were full?

• 2:16:32Speaker 01

  No, I took it home.

• 2:16:33Dax Shepard?

  I know. You took it home. But why didn't you eat it?

• 2:16:36Speaker 01

  Any day. I, I.

• 2:16:37Dax Shepard?

  You really didn't want to eat it because it felt?

• 2:16:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, it felt weird.

• 2:16:40Dax Shepard?

  Oh, not jinxed.

• 2:16:42Speaker 01

  I didn't feel jinxed. I just looked at it and I like got annoyed. I got annoyed by the cookie. Because I was like, now I feel bad and I should not feel bad.

• 2:16:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So when you were planning, before you laid out the story, you're like, I'm anticipating your response.

• 2:16:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:17:00Dax Shepard?

  Then what do you, what would you think my response would be?

• 2:17:02Speaker 01

  I thought you were gonna be like, well, yeah, like moms are going through a lot and, and, and, you know, they probably felt judged. I thought you were gonna do a lot of defense of them.

• 2:17:16Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:17:16Speaker 01

  Which I, again, I was not judging them.

• 2:17:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:17:21Speaker 01

  They were beautiful women.

• 2:17:22Dax Shepard?

  Were they?

• 2:17:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then like, the daughter was so cute. One, um, yeah, yeah, they were.

• 2:17:31Dax Shepard?

  All right. Okay.

• 2:17:32Speaker 01

  They were, they were. The whole thing was beautiful. Everyone was pretty. Everyone was hot. The kids were so cute. Like, it was a great, yeah. And then I started to do that. I'm like, now I feel bad. I don't even have a husband or children. And like, I can't have them.

• 2:17:50Dax Shepard?

  Came up.

• 2:17:51Speaker 01

  Probably. I probably can't have them. And like, now I feel bad. Excuse me. You have this beautiful child. Like, yeah, so I got upset.

• 2:18:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, well.

• 2:18:07Dax Shepard?

  My response is only, how do I alleviate your upsetness?

• 2:18:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:18:17Dax Shepard?

  And then my solution to alleviate it is like, the oldest fight we have nonstop. So it's not even worth, you know, suggesting, which is just, I don't like the idea that strangers have sometimes control of your emotions. That's what I don't like.

• 2:18:34Speaker 01

  I know. I know you don't like that. I understand.

• 2:18:37Dax Shepard?

  That's the part where I get protective of you. And then it, it always ends up where I'm angering you more. So.

• 2:18:44Speaker 01

  No, you're, you're not, but.

• 2:18:46Dax Shepard?

  What I don't like, that anybody has any control over your injustice fund night out.

• 2:18:52Speaker 01

  I know.

• 2:18:53Dax Shepard?

  To get pizza. That's all I don't like.

• 2:18:57Speaker 01

  But when he, so he, the fact that he said it first, he is so oblivious to this type of thing.

• 2:19:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:19:04Speaker 01

  The fact that he said it, he was like, that was, something was weird. And I was like, yes.

• 2:19:09Dax Shepard?

  If, if any of that was, if you guys read that correctly.

• 2:19:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:19:12Dax Shepard?

  My money would be fully on, yes, some tension between husbands and wives, not, not, not you guys. You're like immaterial. They, at this one, they just want to ignore this whole situation happened.

• 2:19:21Speaker 01

  Right.

• 2:19:22Dax Shepard?

  It's not towards you. It's, it's towards their husbands.

• 2:19:26Speaker 01

  Husbands or, or us though, like, oh, these single people like, don't understand what it's like. And it's, it's hard for us. Like, and it is hard for them. They are having to get up and go and out up. It's.

• 2:19:39Dax Shepard?

  Taking little kids to a restaurant is a beat down.

• 2:19:42Speaker 01

  It is a beat down. And what I wanted to be like, is like, I know, like, I don't know, because I don't have them. But I've also been to a million restaurants with, with kids and I've taken kids to restaurants by myself. I feel for you right now. I know that that is hard. I don't feel put upon.

• 2:19:57Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 2:19:58Speaker 01

  Um, and, but I don't want to feel bad for existing.

• 2:20:02Dax Shepard?

  Right, right.

• 2:20:03Speaker 01

  Um, but you know, I'm over it.

• 2:20:08Dax Shepard?

  Just got over it?

• 2:20:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. Just got over it. But it's hard. I think like families, everyone's having a hard time.

• 2:20:18Dax Shepard?

  Life's challenging.

• 2:20:18Speaker 01

  Life's challenging for everyone.

• 2:20:20Dax Shepard?

  That's right.

• 2:20:21Speaker 01

  For everyone. And I got this bruise and I don't know why.

• 2:20:24Dax Shepard?

  You're not sure where that came from?

• 2:20:25Speaker 01

  No.

• 2:20:26Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:20:26Speaker 01

  All right, let's do some facts. This is for-

• 2:20:29Dax Shepard?

  And I just want to remind everyone about our presenting sponsor, Yellow.

• 2:20:32Speaker 01

  Yes, that's right. Let's circle back.

• 2:20:34Dax Shepard?

  You know what's happened since we interviewed Jack McBrayer?

• 2:20:37Speaker 01

  What?

• 2:20:38Dax Shepard?

  Our family has become obsessed with Zillow Gone Wild. And we're actually all caught up now. We're in season three, which is airing now. There's only three episodes out.

• 2:20:47Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:20:47Dax Shepard?

  And we watched two of them last night. So we know that there's only one for us. And we like to do two in a row.

• 2:20:52Speaker 01

  So you're gonna wait?

• 2:20:53Dax Shepard?

  But it's, it is, it has replaced, it's been the salve of Million Dollar Secret not being around. It's our current show. We love it, Monica.

• 2:21:03Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 2:21:03Dax Shepard?

  I'm in trouble a lot while we watch it.

• 2:21:05Speaker 01

  Oh, why?

• 2:21:07Dax Shepard?

  Because it's Zillow Gone Wild. You're seeing a lot of choices.

• 2:21:12Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 2:21:13Dax Shepard?

  And I have a lot of opinions about the choices.

• 2:21:16Speaker 01

  But aren't they kind of, they're wild choices by name?

• 2:21:20Dax Shepard?

  They're wild. They're on the show because they're pretty wild.

• 2:21:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, so it feels-

• 2:21:23Dax Shepard?

  But some of them are very cool.

• 2:21:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:21:26Dax Shepard?

  What I'm more, well, first of all, the people are very interesting. Because anyone who's gonna like turn their house into a pirate ship.

• 2:21:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:21:33Dax Shepard?

  You know, they're unique.

• 2:21:35Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 2:21:36Dax Shepard?

  And then, oh, this is great. You'll relate to this. Because this has sometimes been our friction.

• 2:21:42Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:21:43Dax Shepard?

  I think when I notice things, it comes across as me being mean.

• 2:21:48Speaker 01

  Judgmental.

• 2:21:49Dax Shepard?

  Judgmental or mean?

• 2:21:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, we have gotten into it.

• 2:21:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:21:52Speaker 01

  Oh, is it happening on-

• 2:21:53Dax Shepard?

  Yes, because I'm like, oh, notice they blank. And I hear dad. And I'm like, wait.

• 2:21:59Speaker 01

  So it's from the kids?

• 2:22:00Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 2:22:01Speaker 01

  Okay, okay, okay, yeah.

• 2:22:03Dax Shepard?

  Dad. And I'm like, hold on a second, guys. First of all, this person's not here.

• 2:22:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, you love that. You, that's a big defense of yours.

• 2:22:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's true. Like this, this person doesn't have any sense that I've said anything, observed anything about them.

• 2:22:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:22:17Dax Shepard?

  And I'm not name calling.

• 2:22:19Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 2:22:19Dax Shepard?

  I'm just like, oh, that's an interesting move or whatever.

• 2:22:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:22:23Dax Shepard?

  That's unique.

• 2:22:24Speaker 01

  Unique is a word I like. Remember, you know the word I don't like.

• 2:22:27Dax Shepard?

  Weird. You hate weird. That's why I specifically just said unique.

• 2:22:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:22:31Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:22:31Speaker 01

  But do you say weird when you're watching with them?

• 2:22:33Dax Shepard?

  No, I'm on high alert with them too, just like you.

• 2:22:39Speaker 01

  I have to, I, I, I thank God for them that they are also representing me.

• 2:22:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I think my thing, like, what is the thing that gets triggered in me? The thing with me is some kind of baggage, which is like acknowledging reality isn't mean. Like, reality can be mean.

• 2:23:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:23:01Dax Shepard?

  Uh, the world's implicitly mean in some sense, but pretending certain things don't exist in reality, to me, feels very dishonest.

• 2:23:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:23:11Dax Shepard?

  And not realistic. It's not how anyone thinks. It's like, I say the thing that I know they were thinking, but you're supposed to not say.

• 2:23:18Speaker 01

  Right.

• 2:23:18Dax Shepard?

  And that just feels disingenuous. And it's like, what are we talking about?

• 2:23:21Speaker 01

  But some, okay, but there's a scale. Like, some people aren't thinking.

• 2:23:25Dax Shepard?

  You miss a lot of stuff. Yeah.

• 2:23:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, like.

• 2:23:28Dax Shepard?

  But I blame your eyes for that. I think some of it is just your eyes, not your character.

• 2:23:34Speaker 01

  Maybe, maybe some of that is true.

• 2:23:38Dax Shepard?

  Like, we were watching someone infamously where this really came to a head. They had an enormous tongue.

• 2:23:42Speaker 01

  Right.

• 2:23:43Dax Shepard?

  To the degree where I was like, um, I can feel their struggle of trying to keep their tongue in their mouth. And it's like stressing me out.

• 2:23:51Speaker 01

  Aware of the tongue.

• 2:23:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:23:52Speaker 01

  And I was like, I.

• 2:23:53Dax Shepard?

  You didn't notice it.

• 2:23:54Speaker 01

  No, even when you pointed out, I was like, what, what do you mean?

• 2:23:57Dax Shepard?

  And here's the spectrum, right? It's like, you didn't notice, I noticed and said something. Chris didn't notice, but hadn't said anything.

• 2:24:03Speaker 01

  But.

• 2:24:03Dax Shepard?

  So when, yeah, when, when I said this, she's like, yeah, I've been watching it too. And then you were like, that's so mean. Also, what are you talking about?

• 2:24:12Speaker 01

  It was mean to me because I was like. Oh my God, you, you are, I, I think, well, it obviously triggers.

• 2:24:21Dax Shepard?

  That people are nitpicking.

• 2:24:22Speaker 01

  Yes, that they're looking at everything that's wrong with me and they notice it. And I already feel that way and like, so I, I really, I don't, I don't really do that.

• 2:24:35Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 2:24:36Speaker 01

  Physically. Now I do do it.

• 2:24:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you're watching couples retreat or couples therapy and I'm sure you have all kinds of.

• 2:24:44Speaker 01

  Oh God, I'm first to note.

• 2:24:47Dax Shepard?

  A personality thing.

• 2:24:48Speaker 01

  And I'm, I'm very fast on it. Like, oh, this person is this, this person's doing this, this person's crazy, this person. I do that all the time, but physically, I really don't do that. And I maybe, as you said, it's not my character, but it is my trauma and it is my reality. Like, I don't notice.

• 2:25:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you don't notice. There's been a few whammies where we've been observing something. I'm like, you did not notice the guy had an eye patch on, you know, or something like that.

• 2:25:15Speaker 01

  This is the notorious story with Callie. I was talking about a girl and she was like, oh, the one with the lazy eye? And I was like, no.

• 2:25:22Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 2:25:22Speaker 01

  And she was like, yeah, she has a very substantial lazy eye.

• 2:25:28Dax Shepard?

  You're, you're like Nate in that way. Remember my famous ones, like Nate's roommate had Tourette's, very visible and, and, and active Tourette's.

• 2:25:36Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 2:25:37Dax Shepard?

  And lived with them for a very long time.

• 2:25:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:25:39Dax Shepard?

  And then I said, not in a mean way, just simply inquiring, like so, so and so has Tourette's. Like if they shared it all with that thing, you know what it's like to, I noticed they don't have it when they're performing. That's fascinating.

• 2:25:51Speaker 01

  And he was like, what?

• 2:25:52Dax Shepard?

  He literally was like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, what are you talking about? You live with this person.

• 2:25:58Speaker 01

  I know.

• 2:25:58Dax Shepard?

  Everyone here knows this, but you somehow, and you live with the person? I guess it's a beautiful quality.

• 2:26:05Speaker 01

  It, I don't know where it comes from, but it is real. It is real. And then.

• 2:26:11Dax Shepard?

  Like, do you think any of your friends have massive Tourette's and you've missed it?

• 2:26:14Speaker 01

  Uh, they could.

• 2:26:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. You seem to know my tics pretty well. They're not getting by.

• 2:26:21Speaker 01

  They're not, and neither are Jess's. He would join you there. But anyway, um, okay, yeah. So, so whatever you commenting on that was quote mean to them? Like, can you give an example?

• 2:26:32Dax Shepard?

  I mean, I'm afraid that the person would know I was talking about them. In which case then it would be mean.

• 2:26:37Speaker 01

  Was it about their house or them?

• 2:26:39Dax Shepard?

  Generally them.

• 2:26:40Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 2:26:41Dax Shepard?

  Well, I mean, I got a lot to say about the houses too, you know?

• 2:26:43Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 2:26:44Dax Shepard?

  I think what's, what's, what's regularly on the table with this show is, and it's sweet. Ultimately, it's sweet, but it's so delusional. A lot of these people are trying to get millions of dollars for these houses that like, they're the only people in the world that want to live in them. It's so specific.

• 2:27:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:27:03Dax Shepard?

  Someone's gonna have to definitely go in and like rip most of everything out.

• 2:27:07Speaker 01

  But it's like their heart and soul.

• 2:27:08Dax Shepard?

  It's their heart and soul, and it's sweet. But I'm also like, when they show the thing at the beginning, it's like this many square feet on this much property in this state.

• 2:27:17Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 2:27:18Dax Shepard?

  3.8 million dollars. I'm like, guys, I, I just can't help it. I'm like, guys, they're, they're gonna get 380 grand for this. Like, that's the rea- I also feel some obligation to let my kids know what like market value of places.

• 2:27:30Speaker 01

  That's not mean.

• 2:27:31Dax Shepard?

  That can be mean to them.

• 2:27:32Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 2:27:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. They love it, you know?

• 2:27:35Speaker 01

  Well, they, sure, but both can be true.

• 2:27:39Dax Shepard?

  It's like, it's, again, I don't think it's mean. It's a certain reality, like 2,400 square feet in the middle of New Mexico, 300 miles from a town.

• 2:27:47Speaker 01

  Oh, but, Dex, are you saying like, oh my God, this dump? And then they are like, okay.

• 2:27:52Dax Shepard?

  I'm going, that house is really worth 270.

• 2:27:56Speaker 01

  Okay, well, yeah.

• 2:27:57Dax Shepard?

  You know, like, that's just the truth.

• 2:27:59Speaker 01

  The truth is the truth, but sometimes you add color to the truth.

• 2:28:05Dax Shepard?

  Well, that might happen more, well, then, yeah. So then some of the houses, I'm just getting physical anxiety.

• 2:28:12Speaker 01

  Right.

• 2:28:12Dax Shepard?

  Imagining being in the house. Cause it's so, there's so much going on. It feels like

• 2:28:17Speaker 01

  That's a lot.

• 2:28:18Dax Shepard?

  A bad acid trip, right? It's just like a million doodads everywhere. And there's not a single plane wall you could like look at and calm yourself.

• 2:28:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:28:27Dax Shepard?

  And so I will be expressing like, they'll go in the bathroom like, oh, like I physically am like, I can't imagine sitting in that room.

• 2:28:33Speaker 01

  Right.

• 2:28:34Dax Shepard?

  Dad.

• 2:28:35Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:28:36Dax Shepard?

  You know?

• 2:28:41Dax Shepard?

  It's sweet. You're right. It's great. Every place is great for them.

• 2:28:44Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:28:45Dax Shepard?

  That's not true. That's not true. They're discerning because at the end of each episode, you're gonna vote, they vote on the show, what was the most extreme house. And so we have favorites and then we're pulling for certain ones. They're not like- Some incredible tree houses and stuff.

• 2:28:57Speaker 01

  They're aware of people like I, yeah.

• 2:29:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:29:02Speaker 01

  They're not naive.

• 2:29:03Dax Shepard?

  You know what it is? And this is a great, great thing. I think for them, if like it were quarterbacks of famous football teams' houses we were going through and there was something insane about it, that'd be fine. But these are often really kind of introverted, cute people and they just rather, you know, I get it. They're like the notion that they're, they're tender and fragile and the notion that anyone say anything critical would be, would be overwhelming to them and they feel protective of those people.

• 2:29:30Speaker 01

  That's how I feel.

• 2:29:31Dax Shepard?

  Through the television set.

• 2:29:32Speaker 01

  That's how I feel.

• 2:29:33Dax Shepard?

  And I go, but guys, you know.

• 2:29:35Speaker 01

  Cause remember one time-

• 2:29:35Dax Shepard?

  There's no toilet in that floor.

• 2:29:37Speaker 01

  I know. But remember when we got in a fight because you did a voice of somebody?

• 2:29:44Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:29:45Speaker 01

  And, and I said, I said, well, probably, we don't know what the person sounds like, but you, by looking at them, gave them a voice.

• 2:29:53Dax Shepard?

  Oh, sure, sure.

• 2:29:54Speaker 01

  And I said, Dax, that's so mean.

• 2:29:57Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 2:29:57Speaker 01

  And then you got it. Look, here's the other thing. It's like you are funny and you make jokes and you do things like that, but then you're also very sensitive. So then if someone then says like, that's mean, you feel like, I'm not mean. Like you get defensive because you're like-

• 2:30:11Dax Shepard?

  Cause I never in person-

• 2:30:13Speaker 01

  Cause you don't want-

• 2:30:13Dax Shepard?

  Make someone feel bad.

• 2:30:14Speaker 01

  To be a mean person.

• 2:30:15Dax Shepard?

  Right. And in real life, I'm not.

• 2:30:17Speaker 01

  A mean person. You're not a-

• 2:30:18Dax Shepard?

  But in the safety of my bedroom, I do want to comment-

• 2:30:21Speaker 01

  I know.

• 2:30:21Dax Shepard?

  On this person's wardrobe.

• 2:30:23Speaker 01

  Right. And so, but in that same way, that person that you gave the voice to, I felt

• 2:30:31Speaker 01

  it was a fragile person.

• 2:30:33Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 2:30:34Speaker 01

  You know, so.

• 2:30:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. But their voice probably sounded like-

• 2:30:37Speaker 01

  It, it probably did. But like-

• 2:30:41Speaker 01

  Who cares? Okay, um, is the movie called Makin' County Line? Yes, that is a movie, nineteen seventy-four, action crime. Only an hour and twenty-nine minutes, you know, that's my kinda movie.

• 2:30:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you hate anything over one fifty-five.

• 2:30:58Speaker 01

  I love a short movie. Oh, he said he was gonna send us photos of his closet, but I doubt he did, did he?

• 2:31:03Dax Shepard?

  He didn't send me anything. I don't think he likes me anymore after that interview. I think this is one of the first. Generally, people come in here and maybe I think I'm not gonna like him, we become friends. This is the first time, like, a friend came in, and I don't think he likes me anymore.

• 2:31:16Speaker 01

  No, he does.

• 2:31:17Dax Shepard?

  I'm pretty sure he doesn't.

• 2:31:18Speaker 01

  Of course he does, he just doesn't, he just doesn't wanna be.

• 2:31:21Dax Shepard?

  Interviewed.

• 2:31:22Speaker 01

  Interviewed, yeah.

• 2:31:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's fair.

• 2:31:24Speaker 01

  Okay, Chicago, the Chicago heat wave of nineteen ninety-five, seven hundred and thirty-nine people died.

• 2:31:32Dax Shepard?

  That's crazy.

• 2:31:33Speaker 01

  I know. Five-day period.

• 2:31:37Dax Shepard?

  Boo.

• 2:31:38Speaker 01

  Scary.

• 2:31:39Dax Shepard?

  That's over a hundred a day.

• 2:31:40Speaker 01

  Oh, my god, it peaked at a hundred and twenty-six degrees.

• 2:31:45Dax Shepard?

  What? In Chicago?

• 2:31:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. Rob, what were you doing then?

• 2:31:50Speaker 02

  I don't remember that at all.

• 2:31:52Speaker 01

  Do you think you're, maybe you're, you were on vacation?

• 2:31:54Dax Shepard?

  He was laying bare naked on his sheets with a fan on him.

• 2:31:56Speaker 01

  He was a baby.

• 2:31:57Dax Shepard?

  And he was constantly getting aroused.

• 2:31:59Speaker 01

  Ew, no!

• 2:32:00Dax Shepard?

  That's what was happening.

• 2:32:01Speaker 01

  He was a child.

• 2:32:02Dax Shepard?

  No, how old were you?

• 2:32:03Speaker 02

  Six years old, what, was ninety-four, you said?

• 2:32:05Dax Shepard?

  Inappropriate. I was picturing sixteen-year-old you.

• 2:32:08Speaker 01

  It was in ninety-five.

• 2:32:09Speaker 02

  Ninety-seven.

• 2:32:11Speaker 01

  It was ninety-five. Maybe your parents took you out of town?

• 2:32:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, maybe.

• 2:32:16Speaker 01

  Cause it was in July.

• 2:32:17Dax Shepard?

  You probably had great air conditioning, didn't even know it happened.

• 2:32:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

• 2:32:20Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, you're so privileged, Rob, god. Okay, was, uh, Jeff Richmond, the SNL music director? Yeah, he was the music director for SNL, and then Thirty Rock, um, and then a lot of other shows, too.

• 2:32:38Dax Shepard?

  I think he might have done Baby Mamas.

• 2:32:40Speaker 01

  Oh, probably.

• 2:32:41Dax Shepard?

  Score.

• 2:32:42Speaker 01

  Not list. Oh, yeah.

• 2:32:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah?

• 2:32:45Speaker 01

  Wow, ding ding ding. In two thousand eight, he composed a score to the film Baby Mama, which starred Tina Fey and Amy Poehler and Dax Shepard.

• 2:32:54Dax Shepard?

  It doesn't say that.

• 2:32:55Speaker 01

  No. But I'll add it. It says citation needed, I'll add that.

• 2:33:03Speaker 01

  I'll add it.

• 2:33:04Dax Shepard?

  More attorney in that too. I bet there's some people that would come before me.

• 2:33:08Speaker 01

  I think you'd be next. Is Greg Kinnear in it?

• 2:33:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:33:12Speaker 01

  Both of you would be next.

• 2:33:13Dax Shepard?

  The Kneerski. Steve Martin's in it.

• 2:33:16Speaker 01

  Oh shit. Small part.

• 2:33:17Dax Shepard?

  Small part.

• 2:33:18Speaker 01

  Well, there are no small part. Okay. How many people are deficient in vitamin D?

• 2:33:23Dax Shepard?

  Everyone.

• 2:33:24Speaker 01

  It does say globally about one billion people.

• 2:33:27Dax Shepard?

  Hmm.

• 2:33:27Speaker 01

  So in the United States, estimates of deficiency widely vary from 30% to over 60% of adults.

• 2:33:34Dax Shepard?

  I feel like it's the most common thing people find out when they start doing lab work.

• 2:33:38Speaker 01

  I know. I almost don't. I'm like, if everyone is, then no one is.

• 2:33:41Dax Shepard?

  I got mine straight. Mine was in the toilet. There's also this chicken and the egg thing, which is, does low vitamin D cause inflammation? Or does the inflammation

• 2:33:50Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:33:51Dax Shepard?

  Uh, deplete your ability to process and hold vitamin D. So for a long time, they were looking at as the cause. And now some people think it is the result.

• 2:34:00Speaker 01

  Hmm. Interesting. Um, okay. Is finagle French for favor? Um, no.

• 2:34:08Dax Shepard?

  No way.

• 2:34:08Speaker 01

  No. You said that as a joke.

• 2:34:10Dax Shepard?

  As a joke.

• 2:34:11Speaker 01

  Yeah. But the origin of the word finagle, it emerged as American slang in the 1920s. It likely derives from an older English and Irish dialect word, finag, which means to cheat at cards or reneag on a promise.

• 2:34:27Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh. That word reneag, uh, makes my children uncomfortable.

• 2:34:32Speaker 01

  I don't like it.

• 2:34:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. We were playing spades last night at dinner at a restaurant and I said, oh, you just accidentally reneagged. And they were like, what, what, what did you? And they've heard it before.

• 2:34:41Speaker 01

  I know.

• 2:34:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. It's a dicey. Yeah. It's really, yeah.

• 2:34:45Speaker 01

  I know.

• 2:34:47Speaker 01

  I know it is.

• 2:34:48Dax Shepard?

  Oh my God. There was a crazy moment. I saw Theo Von had Tyson, my Tyson on a live show.

• 2:34:56Speaker 01

  Oh, cool.

• 2:34:57Dax Shepard?

  They did a live show.

• 2:34:58Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:34:59Dax Shepard?

  And Tyson made him say the N word. He was not taking no for an answer.

• 2:35:04Speaker 01

  What?

• 2:35:05Dax Shepard?

  Yes. I was like, geez Louise, what is, what happens in that situation?

• 2:35:10Speaker 01

  What was the context?

• 2:35:12Dax Shepard?

  What was it? I, I dropped in pretty, it was mid.

• 2:35:16Speaker 01

  That's so strange.

• 2:35:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. He's like, just say it.

• 2:35:23Dax Shepard?

  He's like, come on, say it.

• 2:35:25Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 2:35:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he was like, he was bullying him and and you're and it's Mike Tyson, you know, you gotta.

• 2:35:30Speaker 01

  He could eat your.

• 2:35:30Dax Shepard?

  You gotta be careful. You gotta kind of do whatever he says.

• 2:35:34Speaker 01

  Well, you could hold your own. You could hold your boundary. Like, sir, please, I am not comfortable saying.

• 2:35:41Dax Shepard?

  I don't like that word, sir.

• 2:35:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's how you say that's how you hold your boundary.

• 2:35:46Dax Shepard?

  I can see why Tyson did it. I can see being in that situation and doing.

• 2:35:50Speaker 01

  He's so provocative. I mean, my God, he just can't stop himself.

• 2:35:54Dax Shepard?

  Tyson or?

• 2:35:55Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:35:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a one of a kind. This is, you know, again, you don't get all, you know, it'd be the like fucking most decisive punch thrower in the history of boxing.

• 2:36:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:36:08Dax Shepard?

  And then you also went to a finishing school, you know?

• 2:36:11Speaker 01

  You probably don't get all those at once. No.

• 2:36:14Dax Shepard?

  No, and and that is a result of him being like really overweight as a kid and being terribly bullied and his pigeons being killed. I mean, just a terrible childhood.

• 2:36:22Speaker 01

  I mean, I don't think he's, um, I don't think he should have gone to finish. I don't think anyone needs to go to finishing school, but I also don't think you should force someone to say the N word.

• 2:36:31Dax Shepard?

  Right. Unless you're you're, he's entertained by it and it's his right to do whatever he wants because he's the one who has to deal with it.

• 2:36:39Speaker 01

  Like in an audience, like, that's like.

• 2:36:43Dax Shepard?

  I'm not saying Theo should have. I'm saying I understand. He's like, I'm the one who gets to say this.

• 2:36:49Speaker 01

  He gets to say it.

• 2:36:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and he gets to say, now I want you to say.

• 2:36:53Speaker 01

  I know, but.

• 2:36:53Dax Shepard?

  Because it's it's mine.

• 2:36:55Speaker 01

  But no one can force anyone to do something they don't want to do.

• 2:36:59Dax Shepard?

  Correct.

• 2:37:00Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:37:01Dax Shepard?

  Unless it's to save their own life, then it gets a little murky, but yeah.

• 2:37:04Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, if they're like, if he's like.

• 2:37:06Dax Shepard?

  I don't want this oxygen mask. You know, shut the fuck up. I'm going to shove it on your face.

• 2:37:09Speaker 01

  That's true. There are exceptions.

• 2:37:11Dax Shepard?

  There are very few. Okay.

• 2:37:13Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:37:13Dax Shepard?

  All right, love you.