Kaley Cuoco Returns

Kaley Cuoco (Vanished, The Big Bang Theory, The Flight Attendant) is an actor and producer. Kaley returns to discuss whether she’s on the slippery slope to getting a tiger, her recent obsession with near-death experiences, and being blessed with the gift of the ability to sleep anywhere, anytime. Kaley and Dax talk about the manager-facilitated meet-cute with her now-fiancé, her hosting pitch for an NFL Honors gig, and how she has such a healthy attitude towards rejection as an actor. Kaley explains what was most memorable about walking onto Season 8 of Charmed as a new cast member, the game-changing decision to sleep in different bedrooms, and playing an archeologist in Albania on her new show Vanished. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Lily Padman.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Hi there.

• 0:06Dax Shepard?

  Hi there. Today, we have a returning guest who was a big time party last time, and that was over Zoom.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  It was.

• 0:11Dax Shepard?

  So you can't even imagine how big the party was face to face.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  She's a cool girl.

• 0:16Dax Shepard?

  She's the coolest. Kelly Cuoco. I admire so many aspects of her personality. She is just like, she is who she is, and she doesn't give a shit.

• 0:24Speaker 01

  Unapologetic.

• 0:24Dax Shepard?

  I admire it and I aspire to it.

• 0:26Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 0:27Dax Shepard?

  She is an Emmy Award nominated actor and producer. The Big Bang Theory, The Flight Attendant, Eight Simple Rules Charmed, based on a true story, and her limited series out now on MGM Plus called Vanished. Her boyfriend disappears from a train. Where is he?

• 0:48Speaker 01

  Where is he?

• 0:49Dax Shepard?

  Did he leave her, or has he been abducted?

• 0:51Speaker 01

  I'm excited. These are, this is up my alley.

• 0:53Dax Shepard?

  These are the questions that'll be answered. They won't be answered in this, but we'll explore more of what's going on. Please enjoy Kelly Cuoco. We get support from Quince.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.

• 1:11Dax Shepard?

  I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince, because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up, and everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.

• 1:34Speaker 01

  $60. $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories, they skip the middlemen, and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.

• 1:52Dax Shepard?

  The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time, and he looks iconic.

• 2:01Speaker 01

  It's a uniform.

• 2:02Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:03Speaker 01

  And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully designed furniture. So you can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home, too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.

• 2:20Dax Shepard?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. We get support from AG1. Fall is that time when your body and mind are getting ready for the winter. You're settling in, bracing for the cold. Your body's already running a deficit from the shorter days and broken sleep patterns. You don't want a nutrient deficit stacked on top of that, too.

• 2:56Speaker 01

  That's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time. It's giving your body what it needs so the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start. One scoop, cold water every morning before anything else.

• 3:09Dax Shepard?

  AG1 Next Gen has 75 plus ingredients, vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics, superfoods, backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials. Key nutrient levels improved with three months of consistent use.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  That's the part people miss. It's not a one day fix. It's what happens when you stay consistent.

• 3:27Dax Shepard?

  It's an easy, everyday thing. I've added it to my morning routine and I'm going to tell you, I actually love the taste of it. It's like Pavlovian. I drink it and I know I'm going to get that little vitamin buzz.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Well, that's also the thing. When you do it, first thing in the morning, you already feel kind of self-esteem because you're like, I already did something good for myself.

• 3:44Dax Shepard?

  Yes. Go to drinkag1.com/dax and for a limited time, get a free immunity bundle, including a bottle of omega three fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D3 K2 with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/dax. And after checkout, be sure to let them know that Armchair Expert sent you.

• 4:26Speaker 02

  I heard you guys did your thousandth, is that right? They came out? That is insane. Yeah, and you were probably... Wouldn't you guys start this? I feel like I was one of the first. You were early for sure.

• 4:36Dax Shepard?

  2018, so we were two and a half years in.

• 4:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. Okay. Oh, not to be exact or anything, never mind. 262. 262. Okay, great.

• 4:46Dax Shepard?

  730 ago.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  I hope you feel the difference. I mean, that was at the height of COVID. I was in a lockdown in Canada when I talked to you guys.

• 4:54Dax Shepard?

  November 2020.

• 4:55Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 4:57Dax Shepard?

  November.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 4:58Dax Shepard?

  Noviembre.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  Glad to have you in person.

• 5:00Dax Shepard?

  What part of town do you live in?

• 5:02Speaker 02

  Thousand Oaks. My parents still live in Thousand Oaks and now I made my way back. That's sweet. So happy. And I complained and... Yes, we love where we live. Cause it's removed. It's removed. It's not LA. Yeah.

• 5:13Dax Shepard?

  The ranch, San Diego?

• 5:14Speaker 02

  The ranch is Westlake.

• 5:16Dax Shepard?

  So Bateman grew up hanging out with that guy, Murdoch owned Dole.

• 5:21Speaker 02

  Dole like bananas? That's the money guy.

• 5:23Dax Shepard?

  Pineapple, bananas. He bought Lanai. He had originally owned Lanai, the island in Hawaii because of the banana plantation.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know a little more about him than I do.

• 5:33Dax Shepard?

  So he hung out with this kid and yeah, he built that Sherwood Lake Fang community. I think one of his kids drove in there.

• 5:39Speaker 02

  I actually think that is true. Something happened. They have a weird story.

• 5:43Dax Shepard?

  Another kid died in a Ferrari accident on the one on the lawn.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  I'm actually, has there been a move? I feel like there should be something.

• 5:50Dax Shepard?

  Did you know any of those families?

• 5:52Speaker 02

  No.

• 5:53Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 5:53Speaker 02

  We got this ranch, I think I've probably had it for seven or eight years now. So that's a newer space to us. So we live 15 minutes from the ranch.

• 6:02Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 6:02Speaker 02

  Which is amazing.

• 6:03Dax Shepard?

  The ranch is gorgeous. I was watching you do an interview there and it looked like San Diego Valley.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  It's stunning. It's so cool. It's 40 flat acres, which is like very rare. So it's all usable and like 8,000 animals. Wow. Not really, but a lot. It's turned into a full rescue farm.

• 6:22Dax Shepard?

  I wrote them down. You've got a zonkey?

• 6:24Speaker 02

  We have a zonkey.

• 6:25Dax Shepard?

  Tell me about a zonkey. Incredible name for an animal.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  You can guess what that is, right? Yes. Zonkey and a zonkey. So we get a lot of our animals from Amish country. And we end up rescuing a lot of them because you know, a lot of them are worker animals. It can be a little weird.

• 6:38Speaker 01

  Tough.

• 6:39Speaker 02

  So we have two zonkeys from Amish country. They were trying to sell. You know, they try and breed these things. This is not normal.

• 6:45Dax Shepard?

  They obviously mate a donkey and a zebra.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  It's totally fucked up.

• 6:49Dax Shepard?

  Where does the zebra come from, other than obviously Africa?

• 6:52Speaker 02

  I have no idea. I don't even know how they attain these sorts of creatures.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's some shit.

• 6:57Speaker 02

  But we have started to attain a few. It's a little word of mouth with us. They kind of know that we have the space and I can't say no to anything. So I've taken so many animals. I mean, we have people that have to live there now. And I'll sneak some in sometimes. Like, I'm like, do you think they'll notice if I add this duck? Like, there'll be five ducks and there's six. And everyone's like, wait a minute. Like, no, they're always here.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  No, that guy was just hiding.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  I have the space now and that's always been the dream to have the space.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  That's nice. That's a beautiful thing.

• 7:23Dax Shepard?

  Are there any you regret? Like, do you have anything that's raising hell over there? Because zebras are assholes.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  No, totally. And this guy, he's not. He's actually very shy. But we've done a really good job of managing. And what's amazing about animals is people get afraid. They come in, they go, they all live together? Like, a lot of the little ones live together. Don't they fight? And they figure it out.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:42Speaker 02

  We're getting in their way.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  In this day and age, everyone's like, oh, don't let that one play with that.

• 7:47Dax Shepard?

  People do that with kids, too.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  Yes, let them decide.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, they'll be fine.

• 7:51Dax Shepard?

  They know how to get the pecking order going.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  They do. And the animals are the same way. And they figure it out. They get in little arguments and things, but they know who's the boss.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 7:58Speaker 02

  They know who not to mess with.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  Who is the boss?

• 8:01Speaker 02

  You know who the real boss is? The pigs.

• 8:03Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, pigs are fucking aggressive.

• 8:05Speaker 02

  They're like walking around. Everyone else is kind of like, gay. You know, the goats kind of go, okay, just let them walk back.

• 8:10Speaker 01

  Because they're so smart.

• 8:11Speaker 02

  And they're huge.

• 8:12Dax Shepard?

  They're huge. They have tusks, virtually. They have huge canines.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  They can totally bite. No, it's hilarious, but it's kind of sink or swim. I'm like, if you can't figure it out here, you can't figure it out anywhere.

• 8:23Speaker 01

  Do you think you're on a slippery slope to, like, getting a tiger or something?

• 8:27Speaker 02

  No, the slope at this point is like, I want a giraffe.

• 8:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, see, I feel like we're heading.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  I want things we shouldn't have, like a rhino.

• 8:34Speaker 01

  I want things that we, a hundred percent slippery slope. Yes, yes, you're not wrong.

• 8:39Dax Shepard?

  Snow leopard.

• 8:40Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 8:41Dax Shepard?

  I can tell you the thing that would be great for you to get because Okay, my mom lived in Hood River, Oregon for a while and we discovered this place. This man had a farm and he had all these crazy animals. He was a very sweet man and the girls fell in love with giraffes. It was great. He had, his favorite thing was these back tree and camels. And they're so beautiful. Like he had this one that was like his girl and she went everywhere with him. And they're crazy smart.

• 9:08Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 9:09Dax Shepard?

  I was like, of all these things, that is the coolest thing, this back tree and camel. And they live, I guess, in the most extreme, they're in negative 20 and also 120. They can hang anywhere.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  Wow. Well, now I want one.

• 9:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, if someone's trying to unload a back tree camel.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  I'll take it.

• 9:24Dax Shepard?

  Because the eyes, they're like cartoon, they have eyelashes.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 9:27Dax Shepard?

  She was pretty.

• 9:28Speaker 02

  Oh my God. I never even thought I could have a camel.

• 9:32Dax Shepard?

  No, back to the zebra.

• 9:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, wait, okay.

• 9:34Dax Shepard?

  I want to not be disparaging to the Amish because I grew up around them.

• 9:37Speaker 02

  I understand.

• 9:38Dax Shepard?

  In southern Michigan.

• 9:39Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 9:39Dax Shepard?

  They're lovely and they're like woodworkers.

• 9:42Speaker 02

  I know, it's amazing.

• 9:43Dax Shepard?

  I admire the close knit family.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  I totally agree with you.

• 9:45Dax Shepard?

  But I cannot help but call out a little bit of hypocrisy, which is like, for some reason, God doesn't want them to drive cars.

• 9:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:52Dax Shepard?

  That makes sense. I understand the logic of it. But why, if God wanted a zonkey, he would have made one. Why are you free to cross pollinate species?

• 10:01Speaker 02

  Listen, this is happening all over. People are doing crazy shit to animals, not just that. Like the stuff we see, because we have a lot of dwarf ponies, we have mini ponies, a lot of these animals, again, that are overbred in such a terrible way that it's like, that's not supposed to look like that. And people have them for parties and kids. It gets all over the country. We have a big animal problem, go down that hole. But I do think when we're getting them from the Amish country, they're worker animals. They use horses to get around. There's a lot of animals that are working for them.

• 10:27Dax Shepard?

  Be subburdened.

• 10:28Speaker 02

  Yes. So when they kind of finish that job, where do they go? And so we've actually been able to take a few and let them live with us.

• 10:34Dax Shepard?

  I'm really hung up on the zonkey. What does it look like? More like the zebra or more like the donkey?

• 10:38Speaker 02

  More like the donkey. Striped legs.

• 10:39Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  I'm gonna send you a picture after this. So the striped legs, but then a gray body.

• 10:44Dax Shepard?

  Okay, and the demeanor of a donkey, I guess?

• 10:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, very calm, very sweet. I'm dying to nuzzle her and she will not quite let that happen yet. Okay, hard to get. I want to get in there and I want to kiss it.

• 10:55Dax Shepard?

  Have you been mauled or attacked or anything? Okay.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  I've knocked on one. It could be its own reality show at that ranch.

• 11:02Dax Shepard?

  Did you watch Chimp Crazy?

• 11:04Speaker 02

  No. It's so good.

• 11:06Dax Shepard?

  I'm surprised you didn't watch it.

• 11:08Speaker 02

  I can't.

• 11:08Speaker 01

  It makes you sad?

• 11:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, I can't watch anything with animals.

• 11:11Dax Shepard?

  Well, you've seen the cartoon Lion King.

• 11:13Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, of course. And my daughter has seen it too.

• 11:16Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 11:16Speaker 02

  It's one of the least ones we watch, actually. She watches everything, but that's not the one we watch as much.

• 11:21Dax Shepard?

  She likes Succession.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  She loves Game of Thrones. She loves Succession.

• 11:24Dax Shepard?

  That's true. She told that story on Kimmel. Yeah, yeah.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  That was actually true. I handed her my iPad. I was watching that and I wanted to see how long she would last. The hate I got for that?

• 11:33Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  How could you? I'm like, calm down.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  Big time calm down.

• 11:38Dax Shepard?

  I watched that with the most amount of attention I've ever watched someone do a talk show appearance. I'm quietly applauding it, right? Because it's like, the shaming of everyone's parenting is such an epidemic. And I was like, oh, this bitch is going hard. She's gonna say exactly what's happening and fuck all y'all if you have a problem with that.

• 11:56Speaker 02

  I feel bad that they're not doing what I'm doing because it's working out great for me. My kid's amazing. We'll watch this.

• 12:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can do Sunday TV night.

• 12:04Speaker 02

  It's wild. Now that I have my own, I would never tell someone or say, don't do that. I would never.

• 12:12Dax Shepard?

  Other than corporal punishment. If you saw someone getting their ass kicked.

• 12:15Speaker 02

  That's different.

• 12:16Dax Shepard?

  Right, right.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  But it's like, I could never say, oh, I don't think you should show her that. Or I don't think you should give that kid that or feed them that. It's like, what the fuck am I saying to you?

• 12:24Speaker 01

  None of anybody's business.

• 12:25Speaker 02

  It blows my mind how brave some of these people are.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  Audacious.

• 12:29Speaker 02

  Isn't it insane?

• 12:30Dax Shepard?

  You know, you get to define what is important to you as a parent. Some people then decide that's how every single person should be thinking about it too.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  It's wild.

• 12:39Dax Shepard?

  Well, the heat I've gotten for like, one time we said we don't bathe the kids every night. I'm like, we did when they're babies, but get real, they're not fucking dirty. That was a whole stink up. Then I said, when they are 18, I'd offer to pay for them to freeze their eggs so they never felt the pressure of that. That was some people mad at. I'm like, my goodness.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  I mean, I guess we should know by now. I've been in this business for so long that nothing phases me anymore.

• 13:01Dax Shepard?

  But I find it charming though. It's very charming that you don't seem to care.

• 13:05Speaker 02

  I really don't.

• 13:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 13:06Speaker 02

  I don't give a fuck. I have heard everything about me. I have heard great things. I've heard terrible things. I've been made fun of. I've been loved. This has been my whole life. So you think I give a shit if someone? Someone cares that I handed my two year old an iPad. Don't care.

• 13:19Dax Shepard?

  Good for you.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  Don't care.

• 13:20Dax Shepard?

  Was that a late adoption?

• 13:22Speaker 02

  Of that feeling?

• 13:23Dax Shepard?

  Disposition, or did you come to it? Did you used to care?

• 13:26Speaker 02

  Did I used to care? I think certain things have tweaked me, but over recent years, I do not care anymore.

• 13:33Dax Shepard?

  I guess as a kid, were you someone who got self-conscious easy?

• 13:36Speaker 02

  No.

• 13:36Dax Shepard?

  Good for you.

• 13:37Speaker 02

  No, but I also think that was because this wasn't all I did as a kid. I mean, I was a child actor.

• 13:43Dax Shepard?

  You were a ranked tennis player.

• 13:44Speaker 02

  Loved tennis. I had sports. I had a million friends. I wasn't all about this. It was a million other things. And I've kind of kept that as an adult. So I kind of was like a little bit of a duck, like kind of just like rolled off back to the ducks. Look at me. I circled all the way back to the ducks.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  That was a good call back.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  I didn't even mean to, it just naturally happened. I just go to the ducks immediately.

• 14:04Dax Shepard?

  It was elegant.

• 14:05Speaker 02

  It was elegant.

• 14:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 14:06Speaker 01

  We call that a ding ding ding here.

• 14:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, duck duck.

• 14:09Speaker 02

  Duck duck goose.

• 14:10Dax Shepard?

  Yes, duck duck goose.

• 14:12Speaker 02

  Favorite game.

• 14:12Speaker 01

  Oh, great game.

• 14:13Dax Shepard?

  What was it when it doesn't work out?

• 14:14Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  I think the duck duck goose is when it is wrong.

• 14:18Dax Shepard?

  When it's not a ding ding ding.

• 14:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:19Dax Shepard?

  That's right. So.

• 14:20Speaker 02

  I've never even heard that.

• 14:21Dax Shepard?

  We made up all the.

• 14:22Speaker 01

  Oh, you made this up. Okay. I was like, I didn't hear this.

• 14:24Dax Shepard?

  Ding ding ding a lot.

• 14:25Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 14:25Dax Shepard?

  And then sometimes, if I can be, sometimes Monica would say ding ding ding on something.

• 14:30Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 14:30Dax Shepard?

  That I didn't think really was related, right? So it would be like, she was talking about brushing her teeth. And then later I said, you know, I bought a washcloth and she'd go ding ding ding. And I go, mm.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  You can see the connective tissue.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  I can see, I can see.

• 14:43Dax Shepard?

  And I would go, that's more of a duck duck goose. So then duck duck goose became, if it's not really related.

• 14:49Speaker 01

  Ding ding ding.

• 14:49Dax Shepard?

  It felt like it was.

• 14:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, I get it.

• 14:51Speaker 01

  Over these thousand episodes, we got a lot of little things like that, right?

• 14:55Speaker 02

  It's amazing.

• 14:55Dax Shepard?

  I wish we had been keeping a glossary. That would have been helpful.

• 14:58Speaker 02

  It's pretty amazing, you guys.

• 14:59Dax Shepard?

  Do you listen to podcasts?

• 15:01Speaker 02

  My obsession right now is really dark true crime.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 15:06Dax Shepard?

  Good, good, good.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  Sword and Scale.

• 15:07Dax Shepard?

  Tell me.

• 15:08Speaker 02

  It is a true crime podcast, but what I love about it is they're all individual. There's 400 episodes. So these are the episodes they don't show on Dateline. It's really dark.

• 15:19Dax Shepard?

  It's like hardcore porn.

• 15:20Speaker 02

  It's hardcore. It's an addiction.

• 15:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:24Speaker 02

  There's like a kid's story. I can't do that one or anything with animals. I cut a lot of it out, but that's been my obsession lately. And then my fiancee got me obsessed with near death experiences.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  I can't get enough.

• 15:35Speaker 01

  My friend Elizabeth is very obsessed with that too. I cannot relate.

• 15:39Dax Shepard?

  Me either. Tell me about what the appeal is.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  I find it interesting, the few that I've listened to recently have a lot of similar patterns. We're talking people all over the world that are talking about these near death experiences and the way that they're seeing angels and demons. It's fascinating to me. And a lot of their stories, they're not the same, but they have so many similarities. Yeah. And I find it unbelievable. And then these people that remember every moment and they talk about the light and they go in and they're like, oh my God, am I dead? But I'm not. And then they come back and they tell this story. I'm just kind of obsessed with it.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  It is interesting.

• 16:14Speaker 02

  It's interesting.

• 16:15Dax Shepard?

  Do you think because you ultimately have a great fear of death and you want to know that perhaps there's something more? We had this great expert and I was talking about why we like true crime. Why do we like UFC? Why do we like war documentaries? It's because we get to model out our fears and hopefully learn. For true crime, women are obsessed with what did they miss? What was the thing that should have triggered, oh, this was a dangerous person? Like you hope to gather defenses against this ever happening to you.

• 16:41Speaker 02

  Right.

• 16:42Dax Shepard?

  So in that vein, do you think there's something happening with you wanting to know? Or is it just a random curiosity?

• 16:50Speaker 02

  I think it's a random curiosity. I think I was also curious because Tom is so obsessed with it that I wanted to understand his obsession.

• 16:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:58Speaker 02

  He so intrigued by God and all these different things and what happens when you die. And so he has this real love for learning about that. So I think I wanted to be able to talk to him about it.

• 17:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:07Speaker 02

  So I started listening to, and I thought, am I going to be into this? And now I am. I think it's fascinating. But he won't listen to any of the true crime. That's not his jam.

• 17:15Dax Shepard?

  Have you ever hit him with Dr. Death? Cause I'm not a true crime person, but that one is the greatest.

• 17:20Speaker 02

  That one is unbelievable.

• 17:22Dax Shepard?

  That's my favorite, I think, podcast of all time.

• 17:23Speaker 02

  Unbelievable. He probably liked that one.

• 17:25Dax Shepard?

  He'd dig it. Cause that's like a guy's narcissism running wild in the decapitation of a friend on the table.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  That's a great one.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  It's so scary.

• 17:34Speaker 02

  I know.

• 17:35Speaker 01

  People are scary. I will take the time to peddle a podcast of mine called Beth's Dead that is out.

• 17:41Speaker 02

  Beth's Dead?

• 17:42Speaker 01

  Yes, it's 10 episodes and it is true crime-y.

• 17:44Speaker 02

  Ooh!

• 17:45Speaker 01

  Yes. It takes a lot of twists and turns.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  Wait a minute, I'm listening to that on the way home.

• 17:50Speaker 01

  Okay, I think you'll like it.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  I love that.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  Take some big twists and turns. It's kind of meta.

• 17:55Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  It happened in a podcast.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  Oh, okay, okay, okay. No, I love that. I mean, that stage we're in, I live so far, so I'm always listening to podcasts.

• 18:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:03Dax Shepard?

  Have you had a near death experience?

• 18:05Speaker 02

  No. Isn't it weird that I kind of wish I did? I want one.

• 18:08Speaker 01

  No, it makes sense.

• 18:09Speaker 02

  Because I want to see what these people are. What are they seeing?

• 18:12Speaker 01

  I'm gonna knock on wood again, though.

• 18:13Dax Shepard?

  I don't know what the definition is, but I have had the moment, which is among the most unique feelings I've ever had in my life, where I went, oh, I'm about to die. I was in the backseat of a car, like I had folded the seats down in the back of a Ford Probe, in like a hatchback, and my friend was driving. We were coming back from Toledo back up to Detroit. It was like late at night, and I had to work super early in the morning. So I go, hey, I'm gonna sleep in the back. Are you good to drive? Yeah, I'm totally fine. He had the cruise control on 85, and I'm like back there, I'm listening, and the road was really rhythmic. It was like, just at that moment, I was like, oh, that rhythm is nice. I'm gonna fall asleep. And then I just heard gravel hitting the side of the car. And I immediately looked up, and he was completely slumped over. And we'd gone off the road,

• 18:57Dax Shepard?

  and we're going 85, and the car started to go sideways. It's just pine trees lining that interstate in Michigan. And I started to go to grab the wheel, and there was a moment, I just knew it was too far gone, like we had gone completely sideways. I laid back down, and then we just launched in the air, and we started rolling right down the highway. And as this was happening, I'm waiting to just hit a tree. I'm like, we're gonna hit a tree, and that's gonna be that. And I definitely had this moment where I was like, oh, wow, I'm gonna die in a second. And the feeling was shockingly comforting. That I remember. I went from complete fear, shit, the car's out of control. Oh, my God, we're gonna roll. Fuck, we're rolling. Oh, right, we're gonna roll into a tree. I'm gonna die. Like, all that calculus.

• 19:40Dax Shepard?

  And then I just went like, hmm. And I got very calm. Whatever thing they give you, the DMT, or whatever the weird chemical is, did definitely start getting released, I think, where I was kind of weirdly at total peace with it. And then we just rolled like 10 times, ended up upside down. We did not hit a tree.

• 19:57Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 19:57Dax Shepard?

  Um, the car was fly out. We crawled out the windows, the whole nine yards.

• 20:00Speaker 02

  Your friend was okay?

• 20:01Dax Shepard?

  He was okay, and I was okay.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  That is terrifying. That's really interesting. A lot of the stories that I hear, people have a sense of calm, even if something bad is happening. A lot of them say, these people that came back from having this death experience, that the minute that you think they're in pain, that's gone. If we watch someone, God forbid, someone dying or an accident or something, that if that experience is about to happen, not to worry, like that it's gone.

• 20:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, some other body calculates. We don't need to deal with that.

• 20:28Speaker 02

  We worry, but they're like, we want you to know we're not feeling that. They're not like sitting there, half alive, half dead, feeling this pain. Like it's gone. When they come back, they do. But that moment of the in-between, whatever that means, all the stories seem to be the same where they're not feeling whatever is happening to them. Cause we're all obviously so worried about that person or whatever, but they said that that's not the case.

• 20:48Dax Shepard?

  I'd want to talk to other folks because the trippiest part for me was post that event for about three days. Because I already went all in dead and I accepted it. For the next three days, I'd just be places that I felt very peculiar, like, am I dead? I know I died. That was the weirdest part of the whole thing.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  Was this a long time ago?

• 21:06Dax Shepard?

  This was 12th grade in high school.

• 21:08Speaker 02

  Oh, you were little. Okay. You don't forget shit like that.

• 21:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, no, it was highly memorable. This may shock you, but I've never been able to fall asleep in a car ever since. So I can never let the other person take a turn driving. That's off the table. Oh, for sure. There's no way I could sleep with someone else driving. That's a wrap on that.

• 21:23Speaker 02

  That makes sense. I mean, that's major PTSD. I have the gift of sleeping anywhere at any time. Let's say we were working right now and they were like, you've got 20 minutes. I am not joking. I could lay on this hard table and be out into dreamland. I could actually do it right here. If they were like, we need 20, I'd be like, okay. I have photos of this on set. I think I learned it from being on set. Yeah. I can literally go to sleep to a place of god, to the point where someone has to physically wake me up. In any position known to me. Like people are jealous of this ability, a gift.

• 21:56Dax Shepard?

  I am so jealous.

• 21:57Speaker 02

  I know. It's crazy.

• 21:58Dax Shepard?

  So on an airplane, you're like, sayonara.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  Immediately. The car made me think of this. The car, this couch is a luxury, but I would do it on the floor.

• 22:05Dax Shepard?

  Brought a needles.

• 22:06Speaker 02

  Anything.

• 22:07Dax Shepard?

  Have you ever fallen asleep driving the car?

• 22:09Speaker 02

  Never. No, anywhere. Planes, any seat, nothing is uncomfortable. I can figure it out. I mean, the amount of sleeps in a director's chair that I could do was like a gift.

• 22:19Dax Shepard?

  This is another thing about your comfort level. A lot of people too are like, do I look insane sleeping?

• 22:28Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 22:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, my mouth will open and it's a gape.

• 22:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I get a little agape too.

• 22:32Speaker 01

  I'm sure.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  I gotta get a nap in. You know, these hours are nuts.

• 22:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 22:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, you gotta prioritize your health.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  I don't give a shit. Kevin Hart posted something the other day. He's the same. He can sleep anywhere. Did you see that? I've worked with him a few times and he used to fall asleep at different spots and I would laugh because I was like, oh my God, I can do the same thing, but he can sleep anywhere too. But I think it's a gift. When you work the way you do, you have to find.

• 22:56Speaker 01

  You figure it out.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  You know?

• 22:57Speaker 01

  What did he post? Did he post him just sleeping?

• 22:59Speaker 02

  A couple of different sleepings that people had taken some photos.

• 23:01Dax Shepard?

  I think he was on set of Jumanji.

• 23:02Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 23:03Dax Shepard?

  And he's just like.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  He was like at a dinner table at one point, just like a thing. No, I said, oh my God, I totally understand that.

• 23:10Speaker 01

  And do you sleep well at night? Are you just, okay, you're just good.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  I have the gift of sleep. I know.

• 23:14Speaker 01

  I love that for you.

• 23:15Speaker 02

  I'm like very afraid that that's about to change. I just turned 40 and everyone's like, you'll never sleep well again. And I'm like, so far I've been fine.

• 23:22Dax Shepard?

  Also, okay, so the gift of that, I'd imagine is you had a newborn and my issue with waking up to do the feedings, we would break them up and do every other one. I can't fall back asleep.

• 23:32Speaker 02

  That's Tom. He cannot go back to sleep. Once he's up, his life is over.

• 23:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 23:36Speaker 02

  So we were definitely spoiled and had help at night.

• 23:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:41Speaker 02

  I spent every dollar on help. We were like, if we have any money, that's where it's going.

• 23:44Speaker 01

  If you can, yes.

• 23:45Speaker 02

  So I don't know what that is like.

• 23:47Dax Shepard?

  Good for you.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  People will say to me when we first had Matilda, they would say, oh my God, it's amazing. You look so rested. I'm like, I am.

• 23:54Dax Shepard?

  More than ever.

• 23:55Speaker 01

  I always say it. Oh my God. And then they're like, I hate you.

• 23:57Speaker 02

  I hate you. I said, I don't want anyone to think I'm magically looking awake and I didn't sleep all night. Like I always told, I wanted to wear a sign that was like, I slept.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  You're like full nine hours.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  I just want you to have the truth.

• 24:10Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 24:10Speaker 02

  That's the truth. I know.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  I appreciate that.

• 24:12Dax Shepard?

  Okay, now Tom.

• 24:13Speaker 02

  He says hi, by the way.

• 24:15Dax Shepard?

  Oh, he does?

• 24:15Speaker 02

  He loves you. He loves you from afar.

• 24:17Dax Shepard?

  Okay, same. The timing of this is incredible because I watched Task. Did you watch Task?

• 24:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think I said, I said, that's Haley's boyfriend.

• 24:26Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I don't remember you saying that.

• 24:27Speaker 02

  How good is that?

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Amazing.

• 24:29Dax Shepard?

  It's so good. And Kristen and I were watching it together and both of us simultaneously were like. Excuse me, who's this fucking guy? How could he be this good? And in this caliber of a show without me having seen him before? And then I learned he was in Ozark. And then, of course, last night I had to read about him and I'm like, oh my God, it's even better than I thought. Because he did the impossible. He started on soaps.

• 24:57Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 24:57Dax Shepard?

  Prominently so.

• 24:58Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 24:59Dax Shepard?

  And fucking clawed his way up to the peak of cachet on HBO.

• 25:04Speaker 02

  I know.

• 25:04Dax Shepard?

  What a gangster.

• 25:05Speaker 02

  No, it's really true. He is one of the ones, I'll let him tell you one day, he loved his time on the soap.

• 25:10Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 25:10Speaker 02

  It was his best time, it was like, yeah, the time of his life. He always talks about it in a beautiful way.

• 25:15Dax Shepard?

  I love that.

• 25:15Speaker 02

  He's like, I was out of my mind, out of control. Like, I was a partier, had the time of my life.

• 25:20Dax Shepard?

  Every woman in America was obsessed with him.

• 25:23Speaker 02

  It was so fun. He's such a chameleon, because if you look at his work, half the things people don't even know it's hit. Like, he's so, you know?

• 25:29Dax Shepard?

  The body is fucking top notch, too. I like a guy with that frame.

• 25:34Speaker 02

  He's so fucking hot.

• 25:35Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 25:35Speaker 02

  I know. It's ridiculous.

• 25:37Dax Shepard?

  I heard you say that you were stalking him on Instagram.

• 25:41Speaker 01

  Oh, that's how you found him?

• 25:43Speaker 02

  No, but I did stalk him on Instagram.

• 25:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so I want to know the progression.

• 25:46Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 25:47Dax Shepard?

  Okay, yeah.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  So we have the same manager, very each your Hollywood story. I was obviously going through a divorce, however many years ago.

• 25:54Dax Shepard?

  And we do need to talk about that because we were so into Carl. You wouldn't remember our interview?

• 25:59Speaker 02

  Oh, I remember.

• 25:59Dax Shepard?

  You remember? Remember how into Carl we were?

• 26:02Speaker 02

  Because Carl is wonderful.

• 26:04Dax Shepard?

  Yes, and he was an equestrian.

• 26:06Speaker 02

  Equestrian, I remember. He won a gold medal this last year. He did something at the Olympic. He's amazing. I have not a single bad thing to say about that guy.

• 26:13Dax Shepard?

  Well, we were so into Carl that Rob came in one morning and he goes, you guys, Carl's gone. But it really meant something. Do you remember all that?

• 26:21Speaker 01

  I actually don't.

• 26:22Speaker 02

  I remember talking to you about it.

• 26:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, it was so fun.

• 26:25Speaker 02

  I remember talking about it.

• 26:26Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 26:27Speaker 02

  So I was getting divorced and my manager, so maybe six months later, said, we just signed this new guy, you gotta meet him. It's six months and I said, I'm not ready, no. And I shut it down. And by the way, I've been with my manager and my entire team since I was 15 years old. They knew our family to me. Yeah. So she brings it up to me, I'm like, no, I'm not, it doesn't feel right yet. So she goes noted. So then cut to April, cut to four months later. I'm bringing her as my plus one to New York to promote Flight Attendant. She goes, oh, this is great. I actually have a few different people I'll see in New York. One of them is Tom. There was a premiere for Ozark and she was gonna go. So she goes, we can go to that together. So she's saying all this to me. She's not scheming, but I remember this is the guy she mentioned before. Now, mind you, two weeks before I left for that,

• 27:09Speaker 02

  I guess you call it a press tour, but to promote Flight Attendant, season two, we hadn't had a premiere for season one because of COVID. So season two for Flight Attendant, we was very excited. We got to like actually go out and do stuff. But I'll never forget, I was laying on the floor of this house that I shared with Carl. We were obviously divorced, divorcing, and it was the day of the premiere. And I was on the floor sobbing, thinking I ruined my whole life. That is the lowest point in my life I ever had. I couldn't get up. I was so depressed. I thought I blew up my life. What am I gonna fucking do now? Then you've got this weird, the other side, the premiere of my show tonight. This is the weirdest juxtapose. Is that what you call it?

• 27:51Speaker 02

  My hair and makeup girls came over. They were literally doing my hair and makeup on the floor. I said, I can't go.

• 27:55Dax Shepard?

  On the floor?

• 27:56Speaker 02

  I was so sad.

• 27:59Speaker 02

  My path for me was so complicated and I just thought, oh, man, this might have been it for me. Like, this is it for me.

• 28:06Dax Shepard?

  And then you're older because you're worried I'll never find love again.

• 28:09Speaker 02

  Everything. It was so heart wrenching. It was horrible. So I knew two weeks later, we're going to New York to promote the show. And my manager says, you want to go to the premiere of Ozark with me? We can meet Tom. And I was like, she's still trying to set me up with this guy. So I decided to go on Instagram and I looked him up. So I look him up and it kind of looks like he's living up in the woods and he's got these dogs. And I'm like, oh, there's a dog. I like, so I'm like looking, looking, looking. By the way, I still have not met him. I know nothing. You know, when you go real deep and you get afraid you're gonna like something from like 2009? It is the worst. I'm like, do not touch this phone.

• 28:43Dax Shepard?

  You have to scroll on the very right side of it. You cannot be anywhere near that hard button.

• 28:47Speaker 02

  Sitting on my hands, like if you like something from 2010, this would be so embarrassing.

• 28:52Dax Shepard?

  Busted.

• 28:53Speaker 02

  Oh, lordy. So I scan, scan, scan, scan, and I get this feeling.

• 28:59Speaker 02

  That I'm gonna spend my life with him. And I texted my best friend Zasha in that moment. She still has it and I said, this is crazy, but I have to put it in writing. I think I'm gonna meet the man I'm gonna spend my life with. She goes, what do you mean? I'm like, just keep this text. And it was Tom.

• 29:12Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 29:12Speaker 02

  And I met him two weeks later.

• 29:14Dax Shepard?

  Now, how much did the German Shepherd play a role in that?

• 29:17Speaker 02

  Loved that.

• 29:18Dax Shepard?

  That's a big stamp of-

• 29:19Speaker 02

  Gotta be a dog lover with me.

• 29:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:21Speaker 02

  That was a big one. Also, he looked very like, out in like the wood.

• 29:25Speaker 01

  Rugged, rugged.

• 29:26Speaker 02

  It wasn't like he was like selfie guy. It was more like, where is he? He was very mysterious.

• 29:30Dax Shepard?

  He didn't look actor-y, right?

• 29:31Speaker 02

  Not actor-y at all.

• 29:32Dax Shepard?

  Yes, that's what we're really saying.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  I'm gonna be with an actor. You might have been a good fucking actor.

• 29:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:37Speaker 02

  This is also a tough thing.

• 29:38Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 29:39Speaker 02

  So I'm like, okay, he's cool. So, you know, I was thinking about it. I go, oh my God, maybe things are about to get better. So she takes me to the premiere and I'm still thinking, I can't, I'm gonna meet this guy tonight. We get there and I'm in line, bathroom, and I hear he has a very loud laugh. He has a lovely laugh. You hear it from my way. And I heard his laugh and I heard him say, so where is this Kaylee? He says it to my manager and I like turn around and I look up at him and he's giving us big smile. And I'm like, I'm right here.

• 30:15Speaker 01

  Oh, this is like such a rom-com. I've been here the whole time.

• 30:22Dax Shepard?

  Right here.

• 30:23Speaker 02

  I'm right here. That was it.

• 30:26Speaker 01

  And then you guys were just in it?

• 30:28Speaker 02

  Yes, so we go into the theater and he's sitting in front. Now, they're showing two episodes of Ozark. This is a long night.

• 30:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:34Speaker 02

  Okay? Now, we all wanna watch Ozark, but right now, all I wanna do is fucking flirt my ass off with this guy who is sitting in front of me, who did not look back once.

• 30:44Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 30:45Speaker 02

  So I kept thinking, oh my God. And I'm dying because I'm like, he's really not gonna turn around for two and a half hours?

• 30:51Speaker 01

  He's playing it really-

• 30:52Speaker 02

  And we laugh about it now because he's like, that whole time, I was like, don't look back.

• 30:55Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 30:56Speaker 02

  I was sitting right behind him. So we go to the after, probably we're just like kinda shy. And after like two hours of not much conversation, he finally sits next to me. And by the way, my sister happened to be there too. My sister's so gorgeous. She looked so hot that night and I was like, Bri, can you please, if he goes for you tonight?

• 31:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:15Speaker 02

  Please, she looked so good. She was laughing. She's like, oh my God. I'm like, just get out of here. So luckily he didn't go for her. So he comes and he, he says, hey, how much longer are you here? I said, a few more days. And he's like, I'd love to take you out tomorrow night. So we did.

• 31:32Dax Shepard?

  Was he living there or he was just in town for the premiere as well?

• 31:34Speaker 02

  He lives in upstate New York. Yeah. So he drove down for the premiere. And so the next night I totally ditched my friends. We had plans to go to Harry Potter, the musical.

• 31:44Speaker 01

  Oh, yes.

• 31:45Dax Shepard?

  Gave Monica a seizure.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, you probably avoided a seizure, so don't worry.

• 31:48Speaker 02

  I left intermission. I said, guys, I gotta meet this guy. And they're like, you're leaving us for that? And I planned the whole night. So we did. I jumped out. We had tea in the lobby of the hotel.

• 31:57Dax Shepard?

  Where was he? In what hotel?

• 31:59Speaker 02

  I was at the Whitby, so he met me there. It's my favorite hotel. And so we had tea and I saw, this is so bad, but he had a pack of cigarettes.

• 32:07Dax Shepard?

  Good for Tom.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  And I was like, it's hot. And I think he thought I would be like, ew. And I'm like, I'll have one of those. He was like, you will? I think it's shocking, dude. There was something about it. It's so bad. But he got so excited that I'd like have a smoke with him. And we did, we had a smoke. He was like trying to hide. That's like his one little vice.

• 32:26Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 32:29Speaker 03

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

• 32:34Dax Shepard?

  We are supported by Allstate. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking your phone's battery before heading out, that'll get you every time. Of course, your phone dies on the way to meet someone, leaving you wandering around quietly panicking about being in the wrong spot. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North America Insurance Co. and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. We are supported by HubSpot. Did you know that most businesses, Monica, only use 20% of their data?

• 33:13Speaker 01

  That's like reading a book with most of the pages torn out.

• 33:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, or paying for a coffee that's one-fifth full. Point is, you miss a lot unless you use HubSpot. Their customer platform gives you access to the data you need to grow your business. The insights trapped in emails, call logs, and transcripts. All that unstructured data that makes all the difference. Because when you know more, you grow more. And when you get a full cup of coffee, you can do more too. But I digress. Visit hubspot.com today. This episode is supported by Helix.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  Dax, is there anything better than crawling into a perfect bed on a cold fall night? Candlelit, hoodie on, maybe even some rain outside. The dream.

• 33:58Dax Shepard?

  That's the dream. You just described one of my ideal fall nights.

• 34:02Speaker 01

  I know, and thanks to Helix, my bed actually lives up to the vibe. All I had to do was take the Helix Sleep Quiz, and within two minutes, they matched me to a mattress built for exactly how I sleep. I have a midnight mattress. It also has cooling technology, which I really.

• 34:18Dax Shepard?

  Increasingly so.

• 34:20Speaker 01

  I need it. I have to have it. And I heard that you're supposed to sleep at a cold temp for optimal sleep. It's very, very helpful.

• 34:30Dax Shepard?

  She is not wrong. I have one too, and it's been such a game changer for sleep. And I love that they make it so easy. Free shipping right to your door. And with their happy with Helix guarantee, you'll get a full 365 nights to try it. A whole year to live in that cozy. They've got over 20 mattress models, so no matter how you sleep, they've got one for you.

• 34:49Speaker 01

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• 34:57Dax Shepard?

  Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. Helixsleep.com/armchair.

• 35:10Dax Shepard?

  This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing and Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skillset, a body of work, and it's been private. It's been yours, but at some point you're ready to put it out there and that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap. Squarespace makes it feel like a step. Beautiful templates, built-in SEO, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics, everything you need to go from I've been working on this to here it is, come find me.

• 35:55Dax Shepard?

  All in one place, no code, no stitching together a bunch of different tools. So if you've been sitting on something and waiting for the right moment, this might be it. Head to Squarespace.com/dax for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 36:21Dax Shepard?

  So how do you then work out the fact that he's up in the woods in New York and you're

• 36:25Speaker 02

  in Westlake? Well, we got pregnant like an hour later.

• 36:33Speaker 02

  Which is wild because I never thought I would have kids.

• 36:36Dax Shepard?

  You didn't? Oh, you didn't think so?

• 36:38Speaker 02

  I always loved him, but I felt like I missed the mark. And then with my ex, I kept thinking I didn't want kids with him or I don't know what it was. Something was missing. I knew it wasn't right for that and I thought, that's okay. I love my work. I was really okay with it.

• 36:51Dax Shepard?

  Your animals.

• 36:52Speaker 02

  I was fine. I think deep down I wasn't fine, but I met Tom, we both wanted it so bad. And then we got pregnant easily and we were so excited and I said, what are we going to do? You live there, I live here. And he said he would move to LA and luckily, like I was telling you guys, I live so far outside of LA that he was attracted to that area. Now I'll tell you the hardest thing is his move out here. He hates LA.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 37:15Speaker 02

  He's not an LA guy.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:17Speaker 02

  He's a New Yorker.

• 37:18Dax Shepard?

  But you have the funds to split this up a bit?

• 37:21Speaker 02

  And we do. No, we totally do. And he's been a ma- you know, look, one of us was gonna have to give up. I love New York, but my family's all here, his family's there. That's a tough, I've never dealt with that before.

• 37:31Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 37:31Speaker 02

  I know that's been hard. He's the most brilliant actor, but he's not a Hollywood guy.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  Thank God.

• 37:36Speaker 02

  I'm not a Hollywood girl, but I'm in it.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  Right.

• 37:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 37:39Speaker 02

  Whether I am or not.

• 37:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you're very not a Hollywood.

• 37:41Speaker 02

  I'm not.

• 37:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 37:42Speaker 02

  But it's also been my life.

• 37:44Speaker 01

  Slashed around.

• 37:44Speaker 02

  And it's been my life for so long that I'm so used to what this life brings. He's the actor's actor. He wants to do the acting thing without all the other stuff. He doesn't want it, which is what I love about him. So because I'm so used to all the stuff that comes with this, nothing phases me. And he's always amazed by that. He's like, I don't understand. I just roll through. I don't care. And it's not his scene.

• 38:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:07Dax Shepard?

  Well, I would argue that you have worked so much that you had to develop that. Like, I just fucking keep moving, roll forward.

• 38:14Speaker 02

  What else am I gonna do?

• 38:15Dax Shepard?

  You just have been doing it for so long.

• 38:17Speaker 02

  And I don't think there was ever a choice in that. I've always had that attitude. There's never been like a minute where I'm like, I need to really, it just was this.

• 38:24Dax Shepard?

  Now, I will say, so I've been really curious, post Big Bang, obviously you have an agenda, which I dig, which is like, you've been really doing action, mystery.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:37Dax Shepard?

  This thing is a thriller vanished.

• 38:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:40Dax Shepard?

  As much as you're like, yeah, show up and do the thing, are you like, well, now I want to do a bunch of stuff I didn't get to do it? It feels like there's an agenda.

• 38:46Speaker 02

  It kind of looks like that. It's not necessarily.

• 38:50Dax Shepard?

  It's just what you were interested in or landed in front of you?

• 38:52Speaker 02

  This business has gotten so fucking weird and difficult and hard. And there's not a lot of great stuff. It's harder now. It's harder to make things. There's so much television, yet at the same time, it's so complicated.

• 39:04Dax Shepard?

  And now here's a really nosy gross question, but what is it like to go from making an insane amount of money back down to making like a good amount of money? Is it an adjustment?

• 39:14Speaker 02

  I don't think about that. I should think about it more, but I don't. I live the same as I did 20 years ago. Now it's different too with a child, like there's different elements now, but I like the way that I live. I don't want to change. That way that I live.

• 39:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 39:29Speaker 02

  It's the same way, though, where I'm, and Tom and I have talked about this a lot, because I'm so, I was gonna say brave, that's not the right word, I don't remember that I am anyone. So I do things that where he's like, I am, I am so oblivious and yet I've listened to so much true crime, I'm also very aware.

• 39:44Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 39:45Speaker 02

  So like, if someone's gonna be behind me, that I know.

• 39:47Dax Shepard?

  Hypervigilant, but then oblivious.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  But oblivious, you just forget you're famous.

• 39:52Speaker 02

  So I do things that he will be like, what are you doing?

• 39:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, people know you.

• 39:56Speaker 02

  We take Matilda a lot to Chuck E. Cheese, and Tom always goes, you don't have to come tonight. I go, no, no, of course I want to come. And I'll be like, why? You do not want me to come? He's like, no, every time you come. He's like, do you understand what happens at Chuck E. Cheese? And I laugh and I go, I swear to God, and I really mean this, I don't even think about it.

• 40:13Dax Shepard?

  And you don't remember the last trip to Chuck E. Cheese?

• 40:15Speaker 02

  Zero, zero in memory. I just remember having so much fun at Chuck E. Cheese and Matilda.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  Are people coming up to you, or everyone's just looking at you?

• 40:21Speaker 02

  They're just getting a little weird.

• 40:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:24Dax Shepard?

  They're definitely filming you.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  They're filming, you know, and again, I don't care.

• 40:28Dax Shepard?

  Good for you, it's so healthy. I wish I could let that go.

• 40:31Speaker 02

  I know, I don't care.

• 40:32Dax Shepard?

  Just fuck up, Tom. I get this weird protective, hey, y'all, my kids are around, don't fucking point a camera, like, that kind of irks me.

• 40:40Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 40:40Dax Shepard?

  Me, I'm fine, you could film me taking a shit if you find me at the airport, but if I'm with my kids.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  He's protective for sure. And again, he doesn't like that side of it.

• 40:49Speaker 01

  Yes. It's a gross side.

• 40:51Speaker 02

  It is gross. And I just don't notice it. He doesn't like award shows, he's like, what are we doing? And I'm there, I'm like, oh my God, I get to wear like, the cutest dress.

• 41:00Dax Shepard?

  And you're seeing friends you've known over the years.

• 41:02Speaker 02

  Yes, but I get it, I'm looking at it through his eyes, I'm like, no, this is really fucked up. We're going to like, these weird popularity contests.

• 41:09Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 41:10Speaker 02

  Not even really how good you are.

• 41:11Dax Shepard?

  Tom and I could really have a coffee.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  You would go to town. We were, podcast was a-

• 41:16Speaker 02

  I know.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  Podcast was a thing this year. I just felt so small.

• 41:20Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 41:21Speaker 01

  I mean, of course, right? That made me like, no, you're so not, I get what you're saying, we all feel small at those things.

• 41:28Dax Shepard?

  I was just talking to, oh, Kurt Wood, I went out to eat with Kurt Wood Smith, my favorite actor. You worked with Kurt Wood, he's the dad on 70's Show, and he's in The Patriot.

• 41:35Speaker 01

  No, but he's amazing.

• 41:36Dax Shepard?

  He's amazing, and I did- Thing with him years ago, but I just fell in love with him and we had lunch the other day. It was so sweet. And I was saying, you know, it's so funny. You're like, oh yeah, I got invited to the big party. But then the second you get there, you're like, it's physically strata. It's like, okay, so movie people are down here close to the stage and then the TV people are in this ring and then they dumped the podcasters like in a corner of that far ring. You come and then you just feel like.

• 41:57Speaker 01

  Maybe there's also a part of me that's like, I'm not gonna let that feeling be the reason I don't go.

• 42:02Speaker 02

  Right.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  Because there's so many people who are taking blinding photos of someone in front of you. And then, and then you walk, you just walk right on by.

• 42:13Speaker 02

  It's terrible.

• 42:13Speaker 01

  And they do not care. And even just between me and him, they don't want to do an interview with me solo. But if we go together, they'll do that. There's just so many things.

• 42:22Speaker 02

  I know.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  And it is not lost on me that to get invited there is a big honor.

• 42:28Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 42:29Speaker 01

  It's a huge honor.

• 42:31Dax Shepard?

  It is.

• 42:32Speaker 01

  This is why people sound ungrateful, right? Cause they're gonna hear and be like, oh, like she's at the golden.

• 42:37Dax Shepard?

  Boo hoo, you got nominated for a gold. You weren't as popular as Leonardo DiCaprio, so you don't want to go.

• 42:42Speaker 01

  It sounds crazy.

• 42:43Dax Shepard?

  Just go like, to your point, you know how you don't care about shit?

• 42:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:46Dax Shepard?

  I go like, yeah, guess what? You caught me. I'm sensitive. Guess what? I'm guilty of being sensitive.

• 42:51Speaker 01

  My goal, I guess, in life is to not have the feelings of being small.

• 42:56Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 42:56Speaker 01

  Just not going is not gonna fix that.

• 42:59Dax Shepard?

  That's very true. And I admire that. You're right. You shouldn't let an insecurity prevent you from being at the places you do want to be.

• 43:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:07Speaker 02

  I'm like, Tom would love you. He would get so deep with you on this shit.

• 43:11Dax Shepard?

  We'll bring our kids to this fucking farm and let them get attacked by a zonkey. Or mauled by a pig.

• 43:17Speaker 02

  She's friendly.

• 43:18Dax Shepard?

  Okay. So interesting. So you have a healthy thing about the money. When I think about retiring, yeah, I get really afraid of like, am I gonna go like, oh wait, I like my savings increasing, not diminishing. That scares me.

• 43:29Speaker 01

  Well, also that big bang time, I guess.

• 43:30Dax Shepard?

  What an appropriate title.

• 43:31Speaker 01

  I know. The big bank time.

• 43:36Speaker 02

  I never said that before.

• 43:37Speaker 01

  That was good.

• 43:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 43:37Speaker 02

  No, that just like came out.

• 43:39Dax Shepard?

  The big bank.

• 43:40Speaker 02

  That was a really once in a, like, I can't even think to be like, oh, I wish I had that again. That never crosses my mind.

• 43:48Dax Shepard?

  I have the same thing. It's like, when this is over, this will never happen again.

• 43:51Speaker 02

  It's special. This is a moment in time, and I feel that way about Big Bang. That was like its own life. I will never go back to that. I talk about it with so much love, but life is different now. It just doesn't look that way. It will never look that way again. Just the way else the business has gone, and there's just no way.

• 44:07Dax Shepard?

  How is Oh Norman going?

• 44:09Speaker 02

  It's going great.

• 44:10Dax Shepard?

  It is. Do you enjoy that? You launched a pet food.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  I did.

• 44:13Dax Shepard?

  Company with really cute names. Chill the fuck out?

• 44:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, a lot of F. Yeah. Calm the F down. Stop effing niching. W. What the fuck treats. WTF treats. Whole tasty fresh. They're really cute. The packaging is amazing, and it's all super healthy ingredients, all naturally made, sustainable. It's been an awesome adventure. We're two years old. I'm fully involved. Like, every name, every product, everything. I am obsessed because also, for years, obviously because of my animal obsession, people have come to me to do something like this, and I've always said no.

• 44:46Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 44:46Speaker 02

  So this was now the moment to do it. And so now that I'm doing it, I want people to know that I mean it. It's so authentic to me. It's like if someone was an influencer and they're doing makeup, it makes sense for them. Like, this makes sense for me. So I want them to know that everything I'm telling you I'm doing, I'm using, I'm this and that. And I want it to feel very girl next door. So we've kind of created it in a way where half the videos I'm doing on my phone, like, it's all just everyday stuff.

• 45:09Dax Shepard?

  Great. You have such a charm. She also pitched herself to be the host of the NFL Honors Ceremony.

• 45:15Speaker 02

  Let me tell you something.

• 45:16Dax Shepard?

  Tell me.

• 45:16Speaker 02

  This is so funny you're bringing this up. I am pissed. Last year, I thought I was getting that gig.

• 45:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, how could you have not, based on that video?

• 45:23Speaker 02

  It went to Snoop Dogg.

• 45:24Dax Shepard?

  Well.

• 45:25Speaker 02

  That was amazing. By the way, he was great.

• 45:27Dax Shepard?

  You can stomach that.

• 45:27Speaker 02

  This year, Jon Hamm now is hosting. Get a chick up there.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  I don't like that.

• 45:33Speaker 02

  I am waiting my turn. I know all about football. I know a lot, and I love it. So I feel like I'm such a good candidate for this.

• 45:43Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 45:44Speaker 02

  But now I feel like I'm getting lower on the list. And it's just funny you say this because literally two days ago in our house, I was like, Jon Hamm's hosting?

• 45:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:54Speaker 02

  When am I gonna get my shot? What a chick up there.

• 45:58Speaker 01

  I agree. And it should be you because you've been trying. You've been putting yourself out there.

• 46:03Speaker 02

  Putting the effort.

• 46:03Dax Shepard?

  You've earned it.

• 46:04Speaker 02

  I feel I've earned it. I can be funny. I am not mean. I am fun. I understand the game.

• 46:09Dax Shepard?

  Have you ever hosted anything?

• 46:11Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 46:11Dax Shepard?

  What have you hosted?

• 46:12Speaker 02

  Early in my Big Bang days, I hosted People's Choice twice.

• 46:16Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 46:16Dax Shepard?

  Okay, that's a big affair.

• 46:17Speaker 02

  I hosted Choice Awards once or twice.

• 46:21Speaker 01

  I don't like this for you. I don't like what's happened to you.

• 46:23Speaker 02

  I appreciate that. It's changing me, knowing that I'm not able to be this host of this NFL honors. It drives me crazy. Then they're like, well, we'd love you to come present. I'm like, no.

• 46:32Dax Shepard?

  I don't even know what the honors is. What is that? Is that their Academy Awards?

• 46:35Speaker 02

  Yes, it's basically after the whole year. I mean, you got, you're doing MVP. You're handing out all these cool.

• 46:40Dax Shepard?

  Oh, the MVP gets it.

• 46:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, for a football lover, it's awesome.

• 46:43Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 46:44Speaker 02

  For a sports lover, it's awesome.

• 46:45Dax Shepard?

  Great.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  So it's just funny you say that because this has been hot on my mind.

• 46:49Dax Shepard?

  She starts a video in a jersey.

• 46:51Speaker 02

  Thank you. You remember that.

• 46:52Dax Shepard?

  Yes. You had a great premise, which is I know a lot about football, but I have zero loyalty. Whoever is winning. It started with like so and so was in first. I loved them.

• 47:00Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 47:00Dax Shepard?

  But then so and so shit the bed.

• 47:02Speaker 02

  Goff, I'm all about Goff.

• 47:03Dax Shepard?

  I'm like, I'm a Rams fan. I'm from LA. Then the Lions crushed them. Now I'm a Lions fan.

• 47:08Speaker 02

  I'm a Lions fan. I'm now, oh, Kelsey, I'll go right to Kansas City. She like, I just went through the whole thing. I like audition.

• 47:15Speaker 01

  What if they ask you next year? What are you gonna say?

• 47:17Speaker 02

  Hundred percent, yes. Oh, I'm not, listen, I will wait years.

• 47:20Speaker 01

  You're not petty.

• 47:21Speaker 02

  No, there was a job recently. I won't say the name of it because I feel like it's going to come out and it's going to be like, oh, my God, that was the one. This just shows you this business. It doesn't matter who you are, what you've done. I wanted this job so bad. And they kept saying, oh, you know, we're going to go so and so. We're going to, and okay, well, if we don't go in so and so, these people kept turning it down. These different actresses.

• 47:39Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 47:40Speaker 02

  At this point, I was fifth in line. And I remember my team is like, at this point, like fuck them. I'm like, yeah, no, no, no, no, no. I still want this. And by the way, I did not get this job. And I laughed because I'm like.

• 47:51Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 47:52Speaker 02

  I couldn't believe the team was like, if they actually say yes to you now, now we're saying no to them because this is getting offensive. I'm like, I don't care. I want the job.

• 48:00Dax Shepard?

  Good for you.

• 48:01Speaker 01

  You're so healthy.

• 48:02Speaker 02

  But I didn't get it. And that. Now I'm like, I didn't believe I didn't get it. I didn't get it. It'll come out by next time I see you. We'll talk about it. It'll come out.

• 48:09Speaker 01

  I know, I'm curious.

• 48:11Speaker 02

  I know. But it just shows you like, it doesn't matter.

• 48:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:15Speaker 02

  They didn't want me. I wasn't right for it. By the way, I know I'm good.

• 48:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:19Speaker 02

  So if they didn't see me for that, it's okay. It doesn't mean all of a sudden I'm not good.

• 48:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it wasn't talent based.

• 48:24Speaker 02

  No, it's like, okay, they had a different idea.

• 48:26Dax Shepard?

  Insecurity.

• 48:26Speaker 02

  I don't feel that way. I'm like, that's not the look they're going for. It's obvious it's not. So, okay, that's fine. But like, it doesn't mean I go home like, oh, I guess they didn't want me. They know I'm good.

• 48:36Dax Shepard?

  Was it to play a historical black woman?

• 48:39Speaker 02

  Isn't that weird? They wouldn't hire me.

• 48:41Speaker 01

  So yeah, I know you really tried, but.

• 48:44Dax Shepard?

  They just didn't see it.

• 48:45Speaker 01

  We don't need to see the audition tape for that.

• 48:47Speaker 02

  You don't need to. No, please God, no. You just can't get everything. I don't know.

• 48:51Dax Shepard?

  Well, then I guess learning about how chill you are about all of it, the one question I didn't ask you last time that I was curious about is, when I look at your resume, the thing that feels like it could have been a very dicey situation was walking into Charmed, season eight.

• 49:06Speaker 02

  Girl.

• 49:07Dax Shepard?

  Was it a dicey?

• 49:08Speaker 02

  Um, that was, it's funny. You know, when you do so many things and you just forget about terrible moments?

• 49:15Speaker 01

  Compartmental.

• 49:16Speaker 02

  I have to say though, I was 21 because I remember I turned 21 on that. And if I knew what I knew now, I don't think I would have ever let this happen. I started out that job in their gallery shoot. Imagine this, I've never met anyone. It's their gallery shoot. Okay, for those in home. A gallery shoot, you're starting season eight, you're gonna go do new photos with the cast. It's an all day thing. Everyone's together and you're all wearing black and then you're all wearing red, you know? So I'm the new girl. You got Alyssa Milano, Rose McGowan, and Holly Marie Combs. I've never met them.

• 49:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  Think about that. I'm joining their family photo. And I'm 21. I'm the hottest I've ever been, by the way. I'm thinking I'm like the coolest thing ever, but also terrified. I'm gonna tell you the loveliest story about Alyssa Milano. I walk in that gallery and I am so freaking nervous. It's on their lunch break. They're all in the corners eating. I walk in. Alyssa Milano sees me and I will always tell this story about her. She got up, ran over to me, welcomed the show, gave me the biggest hug in the world. We're so happy. You're so kind. I will never forget that. In fact, ever since then, and I was like this before that moment, but I make sure I do that to anybody. Cause that was the nicest thing she could have ever done to me. It just made me feel, oh my God, huge hug. So glad you're here.

• 50:30Speaker 02

  Rose maybe not as happy.

• 50:31Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 50:31Speaker 02

  But I don't know. I don't know.

• 50:34Dax Shepard?

  My dad was excited to see you.

• 50:36Speaker 02

  I still don't know if she likes me. I don't know. But Alyssa was amazing. I was terrified. Oh. Yeah, it's a weird thing coming into a show with seven years. For that long? Yeah.

• 50:48Dax Shepard?

  Year eight.

• 50:48Speaker 02

  I was year eight. I only did the one season. I think about that with Big Bang, cause obviously I started Big Bang after that. We were on that show for 12 years. You know each other so well.

• 50:56Dax Shepard?

  12 years.

• 50:56Speaker 02

  12. So anyone that came in, I was very aware of like, this must be so weird for you. Yeah. So I always remembered that from Alyssa to this day. And I was like that before that, but still you gotta go the extra mile in a situation like that. Well, cause it's weird. It's walking into someone's family dinner. It's so weird. Yes. Everyone's close. That's tough.

• 51:16Dax Shepard?

  Well, add in the hotness is not great either.

• 51:18Speaker 02

  And I was super hot.

• 51:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's not helpful.

• 51:20Speaker 02

  I can lose 20 years ago. I don't think that helps. Although Alyssa was hot then, she's hot now.

• 51:25Dax Shepard?

  She's also a horse lover. She might have smelt out.

• 51:27Speaker 02

  Animals, chihuahua there. She was amazing.

• 51:30Dax Shepard?

  How many dogs do you have in your house?

• 51:32Speaker 02

  We have four.

• 51:33Dax Shepard?

  Okay, that's totally reasonable.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  It's not crazy. It's a low number for us.

• 51:36Dax Shepard?

  I thought it was gonna be much scarier.

• 51:38Speaker 02

  We're usually at the six mark. I love rescuing seniors, so they don't last as long.

• 51:42Dax Shepard?

  And how's the barking in the house?

• 51:44Speaker 02

  Insane. Horrible.

• 51:45Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 51:46Speaker 02

  You wanna get anything done in our house? Don't even.

• 51:47Dax Shepard?

  Help me understand how you guys are fine with that. Cause I live with a tremendous amount of barking.

• 51:52Speaker 02

  I have nothing to say to you. It's terrible.

• 51:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 51:54Speaker 02

  It's all the time. They see a leaf. Yeah, why?

• 51:57Dax Shepard?

  There's a squirrel. There's a visitor. The door bird rings.

• 51:59Speaker 02

  At this point, I think I do want to blackout our front door. Cause I think anything now.

• 52:05Dax Shepard?

  Maybe put iPad. catches over them for at least a couple hours of the day so we can fucking

• 52:10Speaker 02

  Listen, there's annoying. There's no way to tell you it's

• 52:12Dax Shepard?

  How does Tom feel about it?

• 52:13Speaker 02

  He hates it.

• 52:14Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 52:14Speaker 02

  He's like, I can't do a Zoom. I go, I know. Don't even try to get work done in this house.

• 52:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:21Speaker 02

  So if you want to have a phone call, if you want to do anything,

• 52:24Dax Shepard?

  If you want to think, if you want to take a nap.

• 52:27Speaker 02

  You gotta get the kid out of the house to get the dogs. It's totally insane.

• 52:30Dax Shepard?

  Here's another thing, while I'm airing my grievances.

• 52:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:33Dax Shepard?

  We got one dog that'll just eat anything that's in the trash. Tampon, we've had that. My poor sister had to pull a tampon on one of their butts mid dump.

• 52:41Speaker 02

  We call that garbage gut and we have a dog like that too.

• 52:45Dax Shepard?

  So I have to have a rack in my bathroom for my fucking trash can because the dog will just make a shitsty of everything. He goes through everything. I have to pull my trash can out of this little fucking cart I have and I'm like, this is madness.

• 52:59Speaker 02

  It's a lifestyle. Everything you're saying has happened to us.

• 53:05Speaker 01

  It's sweet that they're seniors though. That's nice.

• 53:08Speaker 02

  Then we decided to adopt a cane corso. Do you know this breed? We have a cane corso. She's gigantic.

• 53:14Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  She's two. She's awful. We love her. I mean, Tom was like, we gotta have a big dog. I understand. I like both. We rescued a puppy cane corso and she's eating our house. And when I say that, so walls.

• 53:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:31Speaker 02

  Oh my god. Of walls.

• 53:34Dax Shepard?

  Just ruining your home.

• 53:36Speaker 02

  The yard. We have no yard anymore.

• 53:39Speaker 01

  I know what you're gonna do, not have them. That's what a lot of people do.

• 53:42Speaker 02

  We have to have them. I have to have them.

• 53:45Speaker 01

  I know. I think it's

• 53:46Speaker 02

  It's a sickness. It's a problem.

• 53:49Dax Shepard?

  It would make the most sense that you guys lived in a tent in the backyard and just gave them the house.

• 53:53Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, we live in their house. I love when people come to our house and they go, oh, should we take our shoes off? Leave your shoes on.

• 54:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 54:02Speaker 02

  Because I don't know what you're gonna step in for your own health. This is not our home. Like, we live in a dog park. Please wear your shoes in our house.

• 54:11Dax Shepard?

  I will acknowledge, the only upside is there's no way your house is ever getting robbed, right? If someone comes up, there's gotta be a cacophony of fucking chaos.

• 54:18Speaker 02

  That bark with our corso is the scariest thing ever. Do the dogs sleep with you? This is the big question.

• 54:23Dax Shepard?

  We've had all kinds of waves.

• 54:24Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 54:26Dax Shepard?

  I did have to create a little boundary. I need at least one area of this house that is dog free. And so that became our bedroom, but that quickly eroded. So basically now one of the dogs is allowed to be on the bed. The other one's not.

• 54:39Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 54:40Dax Shepard?

  Which is insanely mean, but I don't give a fuck.

• 54:42Speaker 02

  I know, I know.

• 54:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. The ones is looking at the one, I'm like, yeah, I'm sorry, you're a piece of shit. And this one's slightly less piece of shit.

• 54:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, 100%.

• 54:48Dax Shepard?

  And like, is there one room we can dedicate? Is that on the table? Even if you guys agree to it, that quickly goes out the window. It's like, oh, he's so lonely. I'm like, this motherfucker's supposed to be living in the woods.

• 55:01Speaker 02

  No, I know. The bed thing with the dogs, and Tom loves dogs, but the problem is because we have two that are so old, they do that thing where they're up a lot, you know, it's the roaming.

• 55:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 55:13Speaker 01

  The dementia.

• 55:14Speaker 02

  The dementia. No, it is.

• 55:15Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  And so it's the little wire we're barking at 3 a.m. at the wall.

• 55:19Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 55:20Speaker 02

  He was like, I can't do this anymore. And I'm like, I understand. So he started sleeping in the guest room.

• 55:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what happens.

• 55:28Speaker 02

  Which, by the way, game changer.

• 55:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, I feel like people need to embrace that more.

• 55:33Speaker 02

  I'll tell you why.

• 55:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:34Speaker 02

  Tom is a night owl, goes to bed very late. I go to bed earlier because I'm the one who gets up until in the morning. And then we have help during the day, but I'm up with her in the morning. If he's not working, he will tell you. He is a night owl, he writes at night, he reads, it's his quiet time. So he's up late and wakes up late on a non-working day. We established this from day one. I go to bed early and I wake up early. We're totally on different sleeping schedules.

• 55:57Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 55:58Speaker 02

  So I get up with Matilda, I'm tiptoeing around the bedroom with Matilda, daddy, you know. And I'm like, why are we? He's like, I can't sleep. Then he wakes up, he can't go back to sleep. Then he's mad. It's terrible. The dogs are like, now it's 5 a.m., it's time to go out. Like, it's just, he's like, how do you feel if I sleep in that other room? We do couples therapy and we love it.

• 56:18Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes.

• 56:19Speaker 02

  It's amazing.

• 56:20Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 56:20Speaker 02

  So he brings this up and at first I'm like, huh. What will people think?

• 56:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  And he's like, I never see you at night.

• 56:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:27Speaker 02

  I don't see him. It's not our sexy time. We don't cuddle.

• 56:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:30Speaker 02

  We don't see each other at night. He goes, why do you care? And I sat there and I went, God, I don't care. And he goes, let's try it. Game changer.

• 56:38Dax Shepard?

  He's happy, you're happy.

• 56:40Speaker 02

  Hundred percent. Nothing happens but sleep in those beds. He didn't move into the bathroom, but he sleeps down there. He sleeps great. No dogs in his way. I'm up with Matilda at 7:00 a.m. She comes in bed with me. I can turn things on. I don't have to worry about waking him up. It just works for us.

• 56:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:54Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 56:54Speaker 02

  We don't go walking to the bedroom, hold his hand in hand to watch a TV show together.

• 56:59Speaker 01

  Right.

• 57:00Dax Shepard?

  You were never doing that.

• 57:01Speaker 02

  Never doing that. And he kind of explained it, but he's like, what are you losing by this? Cause I thought, this is not good.

• 57:06Dax Shepard?

  Appearance is all you're losing.

• 57:07Speaker 02

  I really thought that. And my brain didn't realize it was that, but I thought, this doesn't look good. And he's like, do you see me at night?

• 57:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:15Speaker 02

  And I'm like, I don't, because I'm always asleep when he comes to bed. But I had to realize that because it hit me in a way that I thought it didn't look good. Best decision we ever made.

• 57:24Speaker 01

  I'm so glad.

• 57:24Speaker 02

  It's hysterical and he sleeps better. There's no dogs in his bed. I can handle the dogs in bed or to me.

• 57:29Dax Shepard?

  Oh, beautiful.

• 57:30Speaker 02

  So we had this realization, but I didn't know why I thought it was so looked down upon.

• 57:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:35Speaker 01

  There are so many ideas. I mean, same with what you were saying about kids. There's so many ideas of what is a good marriage or what is a good partnership? And it's all so stupid.

• 57:44Speaker 02

  It's arbitrary.

• 57:45Dax Shepard?

  I think we just saw it on TV.

• 57:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:47Dax Shepard?

  Right? A, so you're like, well, that's not what I saw on TV.

• 57:49Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 57:50Dax Shepard?

  B, when I grew up, when there was a stepdad around, we didn't have the extra room for that to even been an option. So I don't know if they would have preferred that. It was never modeled.

• 57:58Speaker 02

  Exactly. It was never modeled and it was never talked about. This is kind of a new thing. People are talking a lot about this now too. It's kind of interesting.

• 58:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 58:06Speaker 02

  And it definitely was like, no one would talk about that.

• 58:09Speaker 01

  Sleep now is getting so much more conversation. Everyone's like, you need it. You have to get it or you'll die. It takes like 30 years off your life if you don't get this. It's like, oh my God.

• 58:18Speaker 02

  No, we're such happier people now after deciding.

• 58:21Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 58:21Speaker 02

  And it's so funny because as I've been preaching this, I mean, like, I don't care. I don't care what people say about my parenting. And then I got so worried about what this looks like.

• 58:29Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 58:29Speaker 02

  And I realized, who cares? It works great. For us, we're like so much happier.

• 58:34Dax Shepard?

  You're gonna suffer to make other people happy.

• 58:37Speaker 02

  And be like, what did it look like? It was just funny because we had to talk about it in our session because he really was so funny. He's like, what are you losing by this happening? I was like, literally nothing.

• 58:46Dax Shepard?

  Right. And it's just all big win.

• 58:47Speaker 02

  We love our TV time together, but we never do that in bed.

• 58:50Dax Shepard?

  You're not rolling over and fucking in the middle of the night.

• 58:52Speaker 02

  You're not twenty. We are not those people. No. I need to sleep.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:56Speaker 02

  Listen, we need to sleep.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  Do you think maybe though, that has to do with some trauma around divorce?

• 59:03Speaker 02

  Me?

• 59:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:05Speaker 02

  The sleeping, the...

• 59:06Speaker 01

  Well, just like, oh no, if we're not sleeping together, like is next step this?

• 59:10Speaker 02

  Yes. Or what does it look like? Because everyone knows I've had these divorces. I think all that went through my brain really quickly.

• 59:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:16Speaker 02

  And then I realized I'm actually doing something really good for my relationship.

• 59:21Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 59:22Dax Shepard?

  Okay, let's talk about Vanished. How did Vanished come your way?

• 59:26Speaker 02

  There were a lot of boxes that were checked for me with this, although I was terrified to go across the country away from... My daughter was only like two at the time, so I was like, am I doing this?

• 59:35Dax Shepard?

  In the show, I watched the pilot last night. You're in Paris, you're in...

• 59:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. The whole show is about this trip that happens in France. When they said we were gonna shoot there, I was like, oh my God, like, how am I gonna do this? And I had just spent basically six months prior to that in Philadelphia with Tom while he was shooting Task.

• 59:54Speaker 01

  Right.

• 59:54Speaker 02

  I went there and he did that and I was like Mrs. Mom and it was amazing. And then when this came up, I was like, six months in Philadelphia feels different than going two months in France. How do we do this?

• 1:00:04Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  Am I going alone? Are you coming with me? Am I making my kid go? I don't want to make her go, but do I leave her? It definitely messed with me. There were so many years where I would have fellow mom friends who kind of would be tormented over these decisions. And I have to admit, I would kind of be like, fucking fine. Leave her, who cares? Like, they don't care. I regret ever saying that because it did mess with me on how I'm gonna do that. So I fully take that back. So it was kind of a big decision to go, but the script was so fun and two months isn't eternal. And Tom was encouraging me to go do this. He's like, we'll take care of everything here. And he was so great about it. If there was even 2% less of what he gave, I don't think I would have gone. It's a lot. He was kind of Mr. Mom. We have tons of help, but he did a lot while I was gone those

• 1:00:46Speaker 02

  few months. And he had the time of his life with her and she was having so much fun.

• 1:00:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, special.

• 1:00:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's really special.

• 1:00:51Speaker 02

  So it was special. Yeah, it was sweet. And she could care less that I was gone. I was just talking about this yesterday. The amount of times I would call and she was doing something.

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  She's like, I can't make it to the phone.

• 1:01:01Speaker 02

  Literally like in a class, on a playdate. It wasn't like she was like, where's mommy? Which is what you want. You don't want her asking where I am. And it was great. I went on this adventure and it was like so fun. And it's only four episodes, like so quick. And I don't know, it was kind of a fun blip in time.

• 1:01:15Dax Shepard?

  It's an awesome thriller.

• 1:01:16Speaker 02

  It's fun.

• 1:01:19Speaker 03

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

• 1:01:25Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Scottsdale, Arizona. Monica, with summer ending or heading into fall, I've been researching a nice, quick getaway location and I keep coming back to Scottsdale, Arizona.

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  Ooh, Scottsdale's good. What's drawing you to it?

• 1:01:38Dax Shepard?

  Well, first of all, I have this wonderful memory of going there as a kid when I'd go see my stepdad when he was working out there. The weather is perfect in fall. Warm, sunny, no humidity. And you can really do whatever you want with your time there. I want to do a sunrise hike through the Sonoran Desert, be surrounded by Sowaro, and then at the same afternoon, just completely melt into a spa treatment at one of their luxury resorts.

• 1:02:03Speaker 01

  Oh, that sounds amazing. I want to do that. Also, I was there visiting my brother once and I loved Old Town Scottsdale. It's so walkable. They have galleries and cute little restaurants and shops. The food scene alone is worth the trip.

• 1:02:17Dax Shepard?

  What I keep reading is that it's luxurious, but not stuffy. There's no pressure to do it a certain way. You can explore public art, check out the architecture, go off-roading in the desert, or just sit and watch a sunset.

• 1:02:29Speaker 01

  It really is the perfect fall reset.

• 1:02:31Dax Shepard?

  Learn more about all Scottsdale has to offer at unwindinscottsdale.com. This episode is brought to you by ServiceNow. Look, I have my dream job. I get to talk to folks I admire like crazy and ask them virtually any question that I want to. I can't imagine a better way to spend my My time, but even dream jobs have some not so dreamy parts. The stuff that gets in the way of the actual work. Now that's where Service Now's AI specialists come in. They don't just tell you what you should do about your busy work. They actually do it, start to finish. Cases closed, requests handled, no extra work for you. So you and your team can focus on what matters most.

• 1:03:15Dax Shepard?

  Which for me is, are they obsessed with male bodies on the same level as I am?

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  They never are.

• 1:03:21Dax Shepard?

  To learn how to put AI to work for people, visit servicenow.com. We are supported by Walden University. You know that feeling when you've been thinking about making a move? Going after the degree, the promotion, the thing you keep telling yourself you'll get to someday? Walden University is built for that moment. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working professionals get the W, the knowledge, the skills, and the confidence to create real change in their careers and communities. Their programs are designed around your life, not the other way around. With Tempo Learning, available in select programs, there are no rigid schedules or set weekly deadlines. You move at your own pace. And Walden's faculty aren't just academics.

• 1:04:05Dax Shepard?

  They're practitioners who bring real world experience into everything they teach. From your first class to career coaching and beyond, Walden is your partner the whole way. Take the first step and learn at a pace that works for you. Visit waldenu.edu. Walden University. Set a course for change. Certified to operate by CHEV. We get support from Superhuman. Look, I love what I do. The conversations, the ideas, the creative stuff. But there's this whole other layer of work that eats my day alive. The inbox that never ends. Docs I need to get through, threads I'm behind on. And by the time I've dealt with all that, the stuff I actually want to focus on gets whatever's left.

• 1:04:47Dax Shepard?

  What I needed was something that just works where I'm already working. Not another tab to open, not another thing to set up. Superhuman Go, from the makers of Grammarly, is different. It's already right there, inside your email, your docs, your browser. You don't go to. It's already working alongside you. You're deep in a long thread. Highlight it and it pulls the key points. About to send something important? It flags what doesn't add up before it leaves your hands. It knows your style, your workflows, and it just backs you up without getting in the way. A thought partner that's already up to speed. At your service, not after your job. So do yourself a favor and try Superhuman Go. From the makers of Grammarly. Find out more at superhuman.com.

• 1:05:37Dax Shepard?

  So we meet you and you are an archaeologist.

• 1:05:40Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:05:41Dax Shepard?

  And you're coming back from Albania where you went on a dig. And you're meeting up with your English boyfriend.

• 1:05:47Speaker 02

  My boyfriend. Okay.

• 1:05:49Dax Shepard?

  He's like a Doctors Without Borders type of guy.

• 1:05:51Speaker 02

  Yes. Okay.

• 1:05:53Dax Shepard?

  And we learn right out of the gates. They've met in Paris to join up. And we learn right that you're going to get a job as a professor at Princeton.

• 1:06:03Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:06:04Dax Shepard?

  By the way, this is kind of mirroring you and Tom.

• 1:06:06Speaker 02

  Also, you watched.

• 1:06:07Dax Shepard?

  I watched the shit out of it.

• 1:06:08Speaker 02

  You've got a lot of detail. Thank you. You're not even reading it. You're literally saying it.

• 1:06:13Dax Shepard?

  I just watched it. Don't give me too much credit. So we've got a interpersonal challenge on our hands. Will these two vagabonds settle down in New Jersey? And you teach at Princeton? What's interesting is I'm watching that scene and I'm like, does he want to go? That's what you're trying to figure out.

• 1:06:29Speaker 02

  You're trying to read him.

• 1:06:30Dax Shepard?

  What are you going to say? No, I'm not going to join you. They've been together for four years. And so it's looking pretty promising. He says he's in. And then we find out he's got this magical trip. He's going to take you to this hotel. They couldn't afford, but he called in a favor. Now we're going to go, now we're on a train. And this is romantic. And we think they're going to maybe get engaged.

• 1:06:48Speaker 02

  I fall asleep on the train, which I'm good at.

• 1:06:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I bet you might have even.

• 1:06:52Speaker 02

  They caught me for real. They said, get this, because it's so real. And I was like, okay, I'm ready to go now. I'm going off on tangents. No, we love it. I'm very claustrophobic to the point of detrimental. It's ruining my life.

• 1:07:02Dax Shepard?

  What are you doing on an airplane? You're in a tube.

• 1:07:04Speaker 02

  It's tough.

• 1:07:04Dax Shepard?

  It's tough.

• 1:07:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:05Speaker 01

  That's why you sleep everywhere. You're kind of like disassociating.

• 1:07:08Speaker 02

  It might be disassociating from life. I can't even sit in a Tesla. That front thing. So the train really messed with me.

• 1:07:16Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so.

• 1:07:17Speaker 02

  Wake up on the train.

• 1:07:18Dax Shepard?

  Here on the train and he takes a phone call.

• 1:07:20Speaker 02

  Yes, wake up on a moving train and he's gone. Hence the vanishing and I'm running up down the train. I'm trying to find him and no idea what happened to him. I think did the train stop? Was I napping when it stopped? Did he get off? And she gets off at the next stop and she's lost in this country and she's in Marseille, France. And she is like, I don't know what the hell to do. Goes to the authorities. They seem a little off. She meets a reporter. Where did he go? And did he leave on purpose? And it's kind of this strange mystery. And it's like, does she just go home or does her curiosity make her want to find? I mean, Marseille, where we shot, the background of this show is very small. So once I learned that, because I swear I saw that entire city over two months. I'm like, you could find someone here. It's a port town. Unless they got on a boat.

• 1:08:04Speaker 02

  She could look for him for a minute. You could believe that she could, if she tried really hard, maybe actually figure this out.

• 1:08:10Dax Shepard?

  But the French inspector is a prick.

• 1:08:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:13Dax Shepard?

  He's very condescending, a little misogyny happening.

• 1:08:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:08:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:17Speaker 02

  And a lot of, maybe he isn't who I thought he would. You know, that's the TV I love.

• 1:08:23Speaker 01

  I love it too.

• 1:08:24Speaker 02

  I love a whodunit. I love like, ooh, you're not who we thought you were.

• 1:08:28Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:08:28Dax Shepard?

  Well, the very last frame of the pilot, which I will not give away, but she does discover something. You really go, oh, my goodness.

• 1:08:36Speaker 02

  He's definitely not who we think he is.

• 1:08:38Dax Shepard?

  What he's presented as.

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:40Dax Shepard?

  I didn't trust him to begin with.

• 1:08:41Speaker 02

  I mean, who does? It's too cute. He's sweet. He's doing too many good things. Mr. Help the Children.

• 1:08:47Speaker 01

  Or do you have to wait week to week?

• 1:08:50Speaker 02

  Bingey.

• 1:08:50Speaker 01

  Okay, thank God.

• 1:08:51Speaker 02

  I think, you know what?

• 1:08:52Dax Shepard?

  We don't know.

• 1:08:53Speaker 01

  We don't know.

• 1:08:53Speaker 02

  I actually don't know the answer.

• 1:08:54Dax Shepard?

  Also, what is MGM Plus?

• 1:08:56Speaker 02

  Before.

• 1:08:57Dax Shepard?

  Is that not part of Prime?

• 1:08:58Speaker 02

  They've been lovely. Nothing's part of anything.

• 1:09:00Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:09:00Speaker 02

  This is all 97 different things. This is where we're at.

• 1:09:04Speaker 01

  Too many.

• 1:09:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:05Speaker 02

  But they've been amazing and they are a part of Prime. So eventually this will be on Prime, but it's going to start on MGM Plus. The amount of television now, it's incredible, but it's so widespread.

• 1:09:14Speaker 01

  It is.

• 1:09:15Speaker 02

  What do you see? What do you watch? It's fragmented and you would also think that would mean so many jobs.

• 1:09:20Speaker 01

  I know, that's what I'm confused about. I agree.

• 1:09:23Speaker 02

  Why are people like, we can't, we're not working?

• 1:09:25Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:09:26Speaker 02

  It blows my mind.

• 1:09:27Speaker 01

  I think there's a lot of reality.

• 1:09:30Speaker 02

  Well, there's a lot of dogs.

• 1:09:31Dax Shepard?

  The strike in the new contract really fucked things up. That's a fact.

• 1:09:35Speaker 02

  It started with COVID, I think ruined everything and then it never survived and then that pushed it over the edge.

• 1:09:41Dax Shepard?

  This is four episodes. Kristen's show, I think is 10.

• 1:09:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:43Dax Shepard?

  Shows are eight.

• 1:09:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:45Dax Shepard?

  It's not like 24, so you're gonna get paychecks for 24.

• 1:09:49Speaker 02

  Who's doing 24 now? Pitt. Is that who still is doing full season?

• 1:09:53Dax Shepard?

  Eighteen?

• 1:09:54Speaker 01

  No, I think it's 14 or 15. It feels like a ton because we're not used to that anymore, but it's not like 20.

• 1:10:00Speaker 02

  Or anything. I feel like they're one of the ones that do more than normal.

• 1:10:04Speaker 01

  I thought it was 24.

• 1:10:05Speaker 02

  Fifteen. Oh, it's 15. Okay.

• 1:10:07Dax Shepard?

  Cause it's a work shift, right?

• 1:10:09Speaker 02

  I was thinking of a day.

• 1:10:10Dax Shepard?

  Because it is one day, but I think it's a shift, one shit.

• 1:10:14Speaker 01

  I know so much about the pit.

• 1:10:16Speaker 02

  Detailed and so intense that I'm like, how do you do that?

• 1:10:19Dax Shepard?

  Do you love that show?

• 1:10:20Speaker 02

  I think it's fantastic. I have never been happier for an actor in my life.

• 1:10:23Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:10:24Speaker 02

  The Noah Renaissance is making me so happy. The Noah Sance, him winning. You know, when you see someone really deserve it.

• 1:10:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:33Speaker 02

  That is just a good feel. And the nicest guy, has he been on this show?

• 1:10:37Dax Shepard?

  He hasn't, but I actually went up to him at the Emmys last year because I was a plus one. I just wanted to introduce myself to him and tell him how much Monica loves him. He said, oh, I've been on your hayride. I do a hayride in my neighborhood for Halloween. And I'm like, what do you, what do you mean you're on my hayride? He's like, yeah, I was on your hayride. I'm like, well, why wouldn't you have said hi? He's like, well, I didn't want to bother you. You were driving the thing.

• 1:10:58Speaker 02

  Like with his kids?

• 1:10:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the nicest dude ever.

• 1:11:01Speaker 02

  I love seeing people that have been doing this a long time and they have like this another moment. It's cool.

• 1:11:06Dax Shepard?

  Also the lift of that show. Like when I'm watching it, I'm panicked because of the stakes.

• 1:11:11Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:11:11Dax Shepard?

  But then I'm panicked as an actor.

• 1:11:13Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 1:11:13Dax Shepard?

  I'm like, how in the fuck do you memorize all that medical jargon and let it rip? Like it's your second language. Like you really know it.

• 1:11:20Speaker 02

  Not a chance. You couldn't pay me enough money. That's why I, I ain't doing any medical show. I don't want to be a lawyer.

• 1:11:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:29Speaker 02

  Like I've got limits now.

• 1:11:31Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 1:11:32Speaker 02

  I just won't.

• 1:11:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, boundaries.

• 1:11:34Speaker 02

  I won't.

• 1:11:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:35Speaker 02

  I am amazed by people that can do that.

• 1:11:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh, well, Kaylee, I adore you. You're such a fun guest.

• 1:11:41Speaker 01

  I know. How fun. You have to come back.

• 1:11:43Dax Shepard?

  Vanish is great and it's a fucking whodunit. It's a mystery. It's a thriller. You're an investigator. You walk up steep hills.

• 1:11:51Speaker 01

  Oh, that's hard.

• 1:11:52Dax Shepard?

  You find pieces of gum?

• 1:11:53Speaker 01

  I walk up a lot of stupid. That's hard. And I run a lot. Oh, wow.

• 1:11:57Dax Shepard?

  I run a lot.

• 1:11:58Speaker 01

  Run all over Marseille. Wow.

• 1:12:00Dax Shepard?

  Okay, out on MGM Plus now.

• 1:12:03Speaker 01

  Just another streamer for you guys to invest in.

• 1:12:06Dax Shepard?

  Stream the shit out of it.

• 1:12:08Speaker 01

  Thanks for having me. Thank you. I'm bringing Tom next time.

• 1:12:11Dax Shepard?

  Oh, please.

• 1:12:12Speaker 01

  Thank you, guys.

• 1:12:14Speaker 02

  Stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong.

• 1:12:23Speaker 01

  Okay, let's address the elephant in the room.

• 1:12:25Dax Shepard?

  Oh, God, what is the elephant in the room?

• 1:12:27Speaker 01

  It looks like I have lip filler.

• 1:12:30Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I didn't think that.

• 1:12:31Speaker 01

  You didn't?

• 1:12:31Dax Shepard?

  I know, I was just talking to you for a good forty.

• 1:12:33Speaker 01

  And you didn't think it?

• 1:12:34Dax Shepard?

  No, not once.

• 1:12:35Speaker 01

  Even when I first walked in, because it does look like it's gone down a little bit.

• 1:12:39Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 1:12:40Speaker 01

  Okay, well, when I woke up, I was like, oh, no. My top lip really looks like I have filler in there. But it's because I have a very small but significant, under-the-skin pimple right above my lip. So it's like swollen.

• 1:13:05Dax Shepard?

  Okay, you at least have a good explanation.

• 1:13:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, that's, but it looked wild.

• 1:13:10Dax Shepard?

  I don't think anyone...

• 1:13:11Speaker 01

  I already have prominent lips, so it looked really weird. I did, I iced it.

• 1:13:19Dax Shepard?

  Too prom- well.

• 1:13:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:21Dax Shepard?

  Too prominent if it looks very surgical.

• 1:13:24Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:13:24Dax Shepard?

  We have a guest coming up, and the two of you, two of you are just embarrassing the world with the lips.

• 1:13:30Speaker 01

  Oh, I didn't notice hers.

• 1:13:32Dax Shepard?

  You didn't?

• 1:13:34Speaker 01

  No, maybe we talked about it.

• 1:13:36Dax Shepard?

  Indian blindness, I think.

• 1:13:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:38Speaker 01

  I think Indians...

• 1:13:39Dax Shepard?

  Internalize racism.

• 1:13:42Speaker 01

  Couldn't even see it.

• 1:13:43Dax Shepard?

  Couldn't see.

• 1:13:43Speaker 01

  I do think some Indians have bigger lips. I think that's probably genetic and hereditary.

• 1:13:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:51Speaker 01

  But my mom doesn't really have... Big lips. I don't think.

• 1:13:57Dax Shepard?

  Your grandma's got a beautiful set of kissers on her. Look at her over there.

• 1:14:01Speaker 01

  Oh, I guess.

• 1:14:02Dax Shepard?

  Puckered up. She's begging for a smooch right there.

• 1:14:05Speaker 01

  Oh, I guess you're right.

• 1:14:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:08Speaker 01

  My mom probably does then have the same and I guess I do.

• 1:14:12Dax Shepard?

  It's been, it's been too long since I stared at her. She's just gorgeous.

• 1:14:16Speaker 01

  She is.

• 1:14:17Dax Shepard?

  I wonder if she shaved the side of her hair.

• 1:14:19Speaker 01

  Oh, boy.

• 1:14:23Dax Shepard?

  This guest that's coming up.

• 1:14:24Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:14:24Dax Shepard?

  I will say one thing too, like none of her bio or anything could I, did it mention anything about ethnicity?

• 1:14:30Speaker 01

  Hmm, mhm.

• 1:14:31Dax Shepard?

  But then I was going through her Instagram. There was a photo of this, uh, guest.

• 1:14:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:36Dax Shepard?

  Her and her husband.

• 1:14:36Speaker 01

  Her wedding.

• 1:14:37Dax Shepard?

  And he's a Caucasoid.

• 1:14:38Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:14:39Dax Shepard?

  But he was in, in.

• 1:14:40Speaker 01

  Who's dressed up?

• 1:14:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I want to say im, im, not emboldened, not embossed, not a, I don't know, something that means like beautified.

• 1:14:48Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 1:14:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he was, he was like regal.

• 1:14:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, resplendent.

• 1:14:54Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:14:54Dax Shepard?

  That's what I wanted to say. He was resplendent in Pakistani traditional wedding gear.

• 1:15:00Speaker 01

  Oh, nice. I think my dad wore a suit.

• 1:15:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:05Speaker 01

  I'm picturing the picture, their wedding picture, and I'm pretty sure he's in a suit, although he's starting an Easter egg.

• 1:15:14Speaker 01

  A medication-ish.

• 1:15:16Dax Shepard?

  Ah.

• 1:15:17Speaker 01

  Of vitamin.

• 1:15:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, a probiotic.

• 1:15:20Speaker 01

  We had a guest on and, and they have a product that's not normal for us, but.

• 1:15:25Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I know.

• 1:15:26Speaker 01

  They had a product that we all wanted, so we all got it and I sent it to my dad and he's giving it a whirl.

• 1:15:32Dax Shepard?

  How many days into it is he?

• 1:15:33Speaker 01

  I think only a couple of days.

• 1:15:35Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:15:35Speaker 01

  But I'm gonna check in.

• 1:15:36Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna try it if you ever bring it over.

• 1:15:38Speaker 01

  It's in the refrigerator.

• 1:15:39Dax Shepard?

  Holding it hostage. I guess maybe when you move into your house.

• 1:15:41Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:15:42Dax Shepard?

  Hope, I hope that makes the move is all I can hope.

• 1:15:44Speaker 01

  It's refrigerated.

• 1:15:45Dax Shepard?

  Which means it will or won't make the, I could see you just leaving, like, don't even open the fridge and just walk out the door. Do you want to keep it as an office?

• 1:15:51Speaker 01

  The apartment.

• 1:15:53Dax Shepard?

  I have, yeah.

• 1:15:53Speaker 01

  No, I already, I've been, for years, I've been like, what am I gonna do? Am I gonna keep it? Am I gonna, yeah, use it as an office when I like have an office, like?

• 1:16:03Dax Shepard?

  It's a crazy.

• 1:16:04Speaker 01

  Also, that apartment is is notoriously where I don't like to do work.

• 1:16:09Dax Shepard?

  That's right.

• 1:16:10Speaker 01

  Always leave to go work. So that would be very silly for me to keep it as a place to do work. But I often make silly decisions.

• 1:16:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, there's some kind of loss bias because as you know, I had this apartment in Santa Monica. It was $600 a month.

• 1:16:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:25Dax Shepard?

  I mean, anything even when I left, they're allowed to raise it 5% a year or whatever. I think it was up, you know, 675 maybe we were at.

• 1:16:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:33Dax Shepard?

  And then when I left, Bree stayed there for a year. And she she even called me. She's like, you know, I'm gonna be moving out. Do you, I know you have thoughts about you. And I'm like, Yeah, should I keep it? It's close to the beach. I mean, all these dumb things.

• 1:16:47Speaker 01

  Things you never do.

• 1:16:48Dax Shepard?

  Just because I can't stand the thought of, I know at that point that apartment was probably 1800 a month.

• 1:16:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:16:54Dax Shepard?

  And you, I feel like I'm giving up $1,200 a month, which is, it doesn't make any sense whatsoever, but that's what it feels like.

• 1:17:00Speaker 01

  Boy math as opposed to girl math.

• 1:17:02Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 1:17:03Speaker 01

  But I get it. I have the same thing. I'm like, that apartment's gonna skyrocket as soon as I leave.

• 1:17:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and you're losing that money somehow.

• 1:17:10Speaker 01

  Somehow that's money out of my pocket, which makes no sense because currently I'm paying rent and a mortgage. So all I'm doing is not paying rent anymore, which I need to be doing.

• 1:17:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:22Speaker 01

  Um, anyway, but it's all upon us.

• 1:17:24Dax Shepard?

  The real windfall of money is to not be paying the rent.

• 1:17:26Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:17:27Dax Shepard?

  Not getting the rent control.

• 1:17:29Speaker 01

  Why do our brains, our brains do this? Well, we learned about a, we, uh, Easter egg. We learned about.

• 1:17:37Dax Shepard?

  We're getting a real jump on Easter this year.

• 1:17:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, we sure are. An attachment is actually not about this, but it, I somehow connected.

• 1:17:46Dax Shepard?

  And the word works.

• 1:17:48Speaker 01

  It works. It works.

• 1:17:49Dax Shepard?

  When it works, you work it.

• 1:17:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:51Dax Shepard?

  Work it, you're worth it. That's what we say at the end of our prayer.

• 1:17:55Speaker 01

  You know.

• 1:17:55Dax Shepard?

  It works. You work it.

• 1:17:57Speaker 01

  I, it's funny that, it's funny that we had that guest on about attachment because, I was thinking the other day about me being little. And I was so. Shy and so attached to my parents.

• 1:18:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's hard to imagine.

• 1:18:17Speaker 01

  It's very hard to imagine. And I, and I was thinking like, oh, that's so sad for them.

• 1:18:23Dax Shepard?

  Love for the parents, yes.

• 1:18:25Speaker 01

  Like, they probably were annoyed by it. So they probably caused us. I don't feel bad anymore. But like, I was like, so like, I had to be with them and near them at all times. And now like, they just want me to call.

• 1:18:39Dax Shepard?

  This is the heartbreak of parents.

• 1:18:41Speaker 01

  I, that sounds like, I don't understand how parents do that. That sounds, that's too much.

• 1:18:46Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's, um.

• 1:18:48Speaker 01

  That's so heartbreaking.

• 1:18:49Dax Shepard?

  Creeping our way. Yeah, it's just heartbreaking. Which brings me to my ding ding ding.

• 1:18:54Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:18:55Dax Shepard?

  So I have brought Lincoln to Disneyland for her birthday.

• 1:19:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:01Dax Shepard?

  I think for four years straight or something.

• 1:19:03Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:19:04Dax Shepard?

  Maybe five. Delta rightly so is like, what's all this bullshit? She gets to go every year.

• 1:19:09Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:19:10Dax Shepard?

  And then I tried to say, well, you get a roller skating party.

• 1:19:13Speaker 01

  And she's like, that's your party, dad?

• 1:19:15Dax Shepard?

  She rightly said, that's your party. I didn't have a rebuttal for that. At any rate, I'm like, yeah, she hasn't been to Disneyland in forever. We live so close. You can go. And then she is different than Lincoln, because when we go, it's me, Charlie, Ace and Lincoln, always. So I'm very dialed in, you know, we're interacting because she's more like probably you when you were a kid, right? She's like, pretty glued to me in a great way. Lincoln.

• 1:19:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:39Dax Shepard?

  And then so I asked Delta and she's like, okay, I was, you know, she starts listening virtually her whole class. And I'm like, okay, we gotta pare this down.

• 1:19:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:47Dax Shepard?

  So then we got it down to four girls. There was four girls.

• 1:19:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:50Dax Shepard?

  And one of the girls got dropped off and I said, have you met Ryan Hansen? And she's like, no, of course. Like, I just picture an adult asking me. I was a little kid. I know another adult.

• 1:20:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:04Dax Shepard?

  Of course, I don't know Ryan. Anyways, I'm like, well, listen, you think Disneyland is going to be the highlight of this trip? And oh, my friend, you are wrong. It is going to be Ryan Hansen. He's the world's funnest dad ever.

• 1:20:13Speaker 01

  He really is.

• 1:20:14Dax Shepard?

  I'm so glad I had him. God, is he a good time. He was a party pumper, if people don't remember.

• 1:20:19Speaker 01

  People don't know.

• 1:20:19Dax Shepard?

  As an occupation in high school.

• 1:20:22Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:20:22Dax Shepard?

  Professional party pumper. And he is not.

• 1:20:26Speaker 01

  He has not given up the job.

• 1:20:28Dax Shepard?

  No, he's still on it. So, uh.

• 1:20:32Dax Shepard?

  We left at three and heavy, heavy traffic. But Ryan had a playlist.

• 1:20:40Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 1:20:41Dax Shepard?

  And we went down there and we checked into the hotel. And as we were checking in, the girls are like, they're running way ahead of us in the hallway. And we're talking about like, it's so fun. Hallways are so fun when you're a kid.

• 1:20:55Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:20:56Dax Shepard?

  Hotel hallway. Like, you feel like you're running so fast because there's, the doors are next to you. So they're like whipping by. You think you're going 60 miles an hour and it's really soft because it's carpet. So it's like irresistible. So they're like, they're, they're, they're flying down that thing. And I said to Ryan, I said, well, I hope this isn't one of those trips. You know, I said, you know, you never, four girls cannot go to Vegas together. Four girls go to Vegas together. Two of them are going to be on the bottom of the elevator crying drunk at one point going, Peggy's such a bitch. She never fucking pays attention.

• 1:21:27Speaker 01

  He's so annoying.

• 1:21:29Dax Shepard?

  Can I tell you how many times the elevator doors have opened in Vegas? And I'm watching one girl on the ground crying while the three girls are like.

• 1:21:37Speaker 01

  I'm going to blame that more on the alcohol and the.

• 1:21:41Dax Shepard?

  There is an interesting dynamic.

• 1:21:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah.

• 1:21:45Dax Shepard?

  Four guys go to Vegas. They, they just never, no one ever ends up, no one ever ends up on the bottom of the elevator. Like someone might be over someone's shoulder because they blacked out, passed out, but there's not really that.

• 1:21:57Speaker 01

  Or they're in jail.

• 1:21:58Dax Shepard?

  No one's emotions ever get triggered on the.

• 1:22:00Speaker 01

  They're, they're sad emotions. Anger emotions, I think, get triggered. Yeah.

• 1:22:05Dax Shepard?

  That's fair. I just know it can get real messy when you get four girls.

• 1:22:09Speaker 01

  I've been, I mean, I've, I've done that. It's, yeah. Yeah.

• 1:22:15Speaker 03

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare.

• 1:22:21Dax Shepard?

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• 1:22:47Speaker 04

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• 1:23:32Speaker 04

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• 1:23:50Dax Shepard?

  It's just so funny.

• 1:23:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's also sleepovers, girls sleepovers. There's always someone that has to call their mom to go home because they're upset.

• 1:23:59Dax Shepard?

  And there's like a click, like somehow there's a click and then everyone like.

• 1:24:02Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, brutal.

• 1:24:03Dax Shepard?

  Also, the room had, it was two rooms adjoining with a little living room in the middle.

• 1:24:10Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:24:10Dax Shepard?

  And so one of the rooms had two queen sized beds or two, whatever that size is that you get in a room with two beds. And then the other room had a king sized bed.

• 1:24:21Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:24:21Dax Shepard?

  And before we left and all talking about, I was like, this is great. Ryan will sleep with his daughter, I'll sleep with my daughter. The other two girls will sleep in a king sized bed.

• 1:24:31Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:24:31Dax Shepard?

  Bob's your uncle.

• 1:24:32Speaker 01

  Great, okay.

• 1:24:33Dax Shepard?

  So five minutes into being in the hotel room, that's not going to be the plan. They all want to sleep together in the same room. And I'm like, yeah, that does make sense.

• 1:24:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:44Dax Shepard?

  But then, you know.

• 1:24:46Speaker 01

  Then it's you and Ryan have to.

• 1:24:48Dax Shepard?

  Well, yes, so Ryan's like, oh, yeah, I'll sleep on the couch. I'm like. You know, I sleep on the couch. I sleep in bed with Aaron. We can sleep in the king's ice bed.

• 1:24:56Speaker 01

  Oh, but why didn't you guys just each take a queen and then the girls take the king?

• 1:24:59Dax Shepard?

  Four and a queen? Four and the king? There's only one king.

• 1:25:02Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:25:03Dax Shepard?

  You can put four girls in one king's ice bed?

• 1:25:05Speaker 01

  They wanted to all be in the same bed.

• 1:25:07Dax Shepard?

  In the same room.

• 1:25:08Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:25:08Dax Shepard?

  So they've commandeered the room with two beds, which I thought Ryan and I were gonna be.

• 1:25:12Speaker 01

  Got it. I see.

• 1:25:13Dax Shepard?

  But no, now the dads are sleeping together.

• 1:25:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:25:18Dax Shepard?

  And Ryan and I both are gassy. Like, I'm already thinking.

• 1:25:23Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 1:25:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, like, and Ryan would admit this.

• 1:25:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:27Dax Shepard?

  In my family, I'm the gassiest. There's, I'll own that. And I often, I have a thing called out and away. And you know about out and away? Anytime we're together and I gotta toot, dad goes outside the house and I pull my pants down and I fart, and then I pull my, and that's out and away. And then I pull them back up. That way, none of the toot is in my clothes when I walk back in. So I could not be more courteous about this.

• 1:25:52Speaker 01

  The paparazzi is gonna catch you doing this one day.

• 1:25:55Dax Shepard?

  Well, I'd be proud to stand by out and away. It's a great policy. If your dad use out and away, you just step out the front door.

• 1:26:01Speaker 01

  God.

• 1:26:01Dax Shepard?

  You can even spread your cheeks if you want to make sure everything is away.

• 1:26:04Speaker 01

  What if poop comes out?

• 1:26:06Dax Shepard?

  Out isn't the most important part. It's the away, out and away. So I'm thinking, fuck me. And we do have a little balcony. As you already can tell, it's a very privileged trip. We have a great room. We've got a balcony and we have a shared living room. So, okay.

• 1:26:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:26:19Dax Shepard?

  And I'm like, so, I know, and Ryan would be the first to admit this, he farts twice as much as I do.

• 1:26:25Speaker 01

  He farts a lot.

• 1:26:26Dax Shepard?

  He's a big, big farter.

• 1:26:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:26:28Dax Shepard?

  And what I applaud about it, oh, that's even cute. Someone tooted on the ride up.

• 1:26:32Speaker 01

  Oh, a kid?

• 1:26:33Dax Shepard?

  And someone's like, who farted?

• 1:26:35Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:26:35Dax Shepard?

  And the dead quiet. And I go, gang, it doesn't matter who farted, but definitely someone shit their pants. But it doesn't matter who. And then Delta's like, I think it's the smell from outside. And I rolled the window down and I go, no, it's definitely not that. And then, but I'm saying no one has to take responsibility. I go, we don't need to shame anyone. We all toot. And Ryan's like, you know, I'd admit it. And I'm like, I do know that about Ryan. He's so good about that. He, as much as he does fart, he also takes responsibility every time.

• 1:27:03Speaker 01

  Okay, if I'm a girl in that car.

• 1:27:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:06Speaker 01

  I'm so like, I right now have mirror neurons.

• 1:27:09Dax Shepard?

  They were gonna suss it out.

• 1:27:11Speaker 01

  No, Delta is perfect. She did the exact right thing that you're supposed to do. You're supposed to be like, it wasn't anyone in here. It was the outside smell.

• 1:27:19Dax Shepard?

  We don't need to trade on lies. We can run it this head on and we can just go, we don't need to single anyone out and embarrass anyone. It's embarrassing when you toot. That was my point.

• 1:27:28Speaker 01

  Oh my god, I'm really proud of her.

• 1:27:29Dax Shepard?

  Right. See, now you don't sell me a fake reality. If I'm the person who didn't fart, I'd be like, bullshit, it doesn't, it's not from outside.

• 1:27:37Speaker 01

  No, Dex, everyone can just be like, yeah, it's outside smell.

• 1:27:41Dax Shepard?

  Oh yeah, it's really smelly out there and in here too now.

• 1:27:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what you do for your friends. God.

• 1:27:48Dax Shepard?

  It was the dog. There's no dog in the car.

• 1:27:50Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 1:27:51Dax Shepard?

  Anywho, I am thinking, this is gonna be an interesting evening with Ryan and I sharing the same.

• 1:27:57Speaker 01

  But Aaron toots a lot, right?

• 1:27:59Dax Shepard?

  He does, but as you know, I don't care about his toot. I have passed that.

• 1:28:03Speaker 01

  So you're not there yet with Ryan?

• 1:28:04Dax Shepard?

  No, I, cause I didn't like grow up sharing a room with Ryan. His, his farts still smell like farts to me.

• 1:28:10Speaker 01

  Ah, okay.

• 1:28:11Dax Shepard?

  Aaron is, I'm just like, oh, Aaron's around. That's comforting.

• 1:28:14Speaker 01

  One time we were all together and Aaron farted and I.

• 1:28:17Dax Shepard?

  You were mad.

• 1:28:18Speaker 01

  I was mad about it.

• 1:28:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, was it in the RV?

• 1:28:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:21Dax Shepard?

  It was the same weekend he kept everyone up from sleeping.

• 1:28:24Speaker 01

  It was a real one-two punch. And I, I remember being like, I've never, I've never smelt this smell before.

• 1:28:33Dax Shepard?

  Absolutely. Um, we were just talking about it with the kids. They were saying my farts are bad. And I said, they are. I said, but you know, Aaron's are significantly worse.

• 1:28:42Speaker 01

  His are, are that one time. I only, I've only experienced it once. But yeah, you weren't like even paying any attention.

• 1:28:49Dax Shepard?

  No, this is, was an ongoing joke when we all worked together. Me and all my friends worked for my mom, cause we were constantly in cars, sitting at airports, waiting for journalists to come. Right? So we were, we were in cars so much together.

• 1:29:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:29:01Dax Shepard?

  And Aaron would fart. And our thing with Aaron was that a doctor would be able to smell this fart and go like, oh yeah, you have cancer. Like, we were like. Something medically is going wrong with you and a good doctor would be able to tell what's. And then we always had this joke too, that Aaron needed a frame off restoration. That's when like the car so trash, you gotta pull it all apart. You gotta start.

• 1:29:21Speaker 01

  Like a page one rewrite.

• 1:29:22Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. So our thing was that the doctor would smell his fart and say, I'm so sorry, but you need a frame off restoration. Down to the frame and strip the rust off.

• 1:29:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:29:31Dax Shepard?

  Anywho, poor Aaron, he just got caught in this.

• 1:29:34Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, Aaron, but.

• 1:29:36Dax Shepard?

  Anyway, so we're gonna sleep together.

• 1:29:37Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:29:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. And then, sure enough, someone comes in.

• 1:29:41Speaker 01

  What are you guys wearing?

• 1:29:44Dax Shepard?

  Um, we were nude.

• 1:29:46Speaker 01

  No, but were you wearing like boxers, both of you?

• 1:29:49Dax Shepard?

  I wear, I have pajama pants and a, and a wife beater.

• 1:29:52Speaker 01

  Okay. And what did he sleep in?

• 1:29:53Dax Shepard?

  I think boxers and a T-shirt.

• 1:29:56Speaker 01

  Oh my God, did you get butterflies?

• 1:29:58Dax Shepard?

  No. No, weird things were happening. I'll tell you weird things did happen. Um, but of course someone comes in. Again, we're not gonna name names. It doesn't matter who farted, but we're told that the sleeping arrangement's not gonna work out. The two people don't wanna sleep with each other. And I'm like, we'll figure it out. I don't know what you guys think's gonna happen. We're not sleeping on the ground. So.

• 1:30:20Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:30:21Dax Shepard?

  You know.

• 1:30:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:30:22Dax Shepard?

  But someone's out and I go, yeah, that's y'all's problem. Like there are two beds.

• 1:30:26Speaker 01

  See, it is Vegas.

• 1:30:27Dax Shepard?

  Two of you can definitely sleep in this bed together.

• 1:30:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:30:32Dax Shepard?

  So I think someone ended up getting couch cushions and.

• 1:30:35Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:30:35Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes. I'm telling these girls.

• 1:30:37Speaker 01

  They didn't, because why?

• 1:30:39Dax Shepard?

  I don't, who knows?

• 1:30:41Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 1:30:41Dax Shepard?

  Who knows what goes on with you guys?

• 1:30:43Speaker 01

  I already, oh, I feel bad for the person who the other person didn't wanna sleep with.

• 1:30:48Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Jesus. Yeah. I, I, I just knew. I know the limits of my skill set and there's no way I was gonna be able to figure that out for those four.

• 1:30:56Speaker 01

  Do you think this all started with the fart? It was like, I know she farted and I'm not sleeping in a bed with her.

• 1:31:03Dax Shepard?

  Could have been. I don't know. Read what you sow. You fart in a closed loop system.

• 1:31:09Speaker 01

  That's why you always say it's outside smell. God, okay, so then that's bad.

• 1:31:15Dax Shepard?

  But it was, but I don't want to put too big of a point. It's not, it wasn't a big, everything worked out fine. They all slept in that bedroom.

• 1:31:21Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:31:22Dax Shepard?

  And it was, so it all worked out, but I was like, here we go.

• 1:31:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:31:26Dax Shepard?

  We go out at night into downtown Disney.

• 1:31:29Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:31:29Dax Shepard?

  Wonderful dinner.

• 1:31:31Speaker 01

  Yum.

• 1:31:32Dax Shepard?

  It was so fun. We're sitting like in the little courtyard, great people watching.

• 1:31:36Speaker 01

  Are they getting along?

• 1:31:37Dax Shepard?

  The girl, oh yeah, everyone's getting along. Everyone's having a great time. Walked around, um, just had a blast. Watched these little girls skip and run all around.

• 1:31:47Speaker 01

  So much fun.

• 1:31:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I was, I was so happy for them. And then, um, we went to bed and I'm going to tell you, for whatever reason, I didn't have much, I didn't have to out and away much, which was a blessing.

• 1:31:59Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:32:00Dax Shepard?

  Like, okay, on my end, it's gonna be fine. What's that?

• 1:32:03Speaker 01

  Like one or two times or?

• 1:32:05Dax Shepard?

  I outed and awayed once in the bathroom.

• 1:32:07Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:32:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. But in an evening here at home, I'm out and away six times.

• 1:32:13Speaker 01

  You are?

• 1:32:13Dax Shepard?

  Sure. I'm also in a phase, as you know, I've picked up my fiber intake a lot and that is radically affected how much out and aways we do.

• 1:32:22Speaker 01

  Okay. You used to have a fart pillow for people who don't remember.

• 1:32:25Dax Shepard?

  At the old house when I was a bachelor, yeah. It was a leather couch. You can't get away with anything on a leather couch. That was the problem. Tactical blunder. And it's so weird because dudes like leather couches more than anyone. I know, guys are, oh, give me a leather couch. Let me make fun of guys for a while.

• 1:32:42Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:32:42Dax Shepard?

  Oh, leather's tough. Let me get a cool leather. It's like a leather jacket, but it's a couch. It's uncomfortable and then your farts ricochet off of them.

• 1:32:52Speaker 01

  Oh, gross. Okay, anyway, so you only had one out and away in the bathroom and then what happened with Ryan?

• 1:32:58Dax Shepard?

  Well, then we got in bed and we started watching TV together and we were casting, but it wasn't working all that hot. So then we were, we were relegated back to cable TV, which is great. It's fun in a hotel room because I don't, I don't flick through channels.

• 1:33:10Speaker 01

  It is fun. I agree.

• 1:33:11Dax Shepard?

  We gave a couple of things a shot. We bailed early. That was good. And then we got to two thirty for thirties.

• 1:33:17Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:33:18Dax Shepard?

  Love thirty for thirty.

• 1:33:19Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 1:33:20Dax Shepard?

  And we turn on one. There's one about basketball and there's one about a football player. I'm like, well, I think Ryan likes football more than basketball. So I, let's watch the football one. Turn that on and right away, the player, he's like, he's like, Christian. And I go, oh yeah, he's a Christian. He goes, yeah, my, every time the guy played, my dad was like, he's a Christian. And I said, would your dad call out Christians? And he's like, yo, yeah, I'd like anyone he knew. And I was like, that's great. Yeah. Well, then lo and behold, that every single interview was in a church.

• 1:33:48Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 1:33:50Dax Shepard?

  Turns out this guy was a pastor, this NFL football player.

• 1:33:54Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:33:55Dax Shepard?

  And it turns out this entire 30 for 30 is about him being a pastor.

• 1:33:58Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:33:59Dax Shepard?

  And I was like, this is, hold on, I come for sports. Like if someone's religious, that's not worthy. I don't need to see how religious someone is as a documentary. I need to see like the impossible sport accolade. That's why I watch it.

• 1:34:11Speaker 01

  Well, to be fair, there is a 30 for 30 on OJ and it is a little sports, but it's a lot of murder.

• 1:34:18Dax Shepard?

  You can give me murder in place of sports achievement, but you can't give me someone's like devotion to a book.

• 1:34:25Speaker 01

  Okay, that's fair.

• 1:34:26Dax Shepard?

  And it's not, again, we're talking about uniqueness. In this country right now, there's 200 million practicing Christians. So clearly, being a Christian isn't worthy, it doesn't select for anything.

• 1:34:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:34:40Dax Shepard?

  NFL, you're already one in whatever you are, or one in 10,000. Then if you're a legendary player, you're one in, you know, the numbers. If you're a murderer, very few murderers.

• 1:34:50Speaker 01

  Thank God. Knock on wood.

• 1:34:52Dax Shepard?

  All to say, I said, I see what you're doing, Ryan. God's intervening right now. And somehow he made a 30 for 30 that's singularly about Christianity. We're having fun with that because Ryan's a very devout Christian and I'm not.

• 1:35:09Speaker 01

  Very, he's not trying to.

• 1:35:11Dax Shepard?

  He's not Judge Ronald. He doesn't, no, he's never tried to convince me I should be one. But then my joke becomes that he has orchestrated this whole thing.

• 1:35:18Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 1:35:19Dax Shepard?

  All to say, I didn't experience any issues.

• 1:35:23Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:35:24Dax Shepard?

  Uh, olfactory wise.

• 1:35:26Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:35:27Dax Shepard?

  But he did tell me when we woke up that he had woke himself up with a fart that was so loud of his.

• 1:35:32Speaker 01

  Scary.

• 1:35:33Dax Shepard?

  And I was like, oh man. And I was just out cold, I guess, breathing it. Cause he, it woke him up, Monica. I can imagine like the top sheet like billowed up. Like.

• 1:35:49Dax Shepard?

  I was just like, oh man, I was fucking huffing away when I was, this is why I don't, this is why I'm afraid to fall asleep. Cause I'm so vulnerable.

• 1:35:56Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 1:35:57Dax Shepard?

  I gotta protect myself.

• 1:35:58Speaker 01

  You're the one that said eating farts, you recently said eating farts makes you healthier.

• 1:36:03Dax Shepard?

  Smelling your own farts, a scientist, I didn't say that, a scientist said that.

• 1:36:06Speaker 01

  So you just got some extra health.

• 1:36:09Dax Shepard?

  I don't know if he got eating his is, so there was no issue other than.

• 1:36:14Speaker 01

  I'm glad you didn't smell it.

• 1:36:15Dax Shepard?

  As you know, I can barely sleep under completely ideal circumstances.

• 1:36:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:36:21Dax Shepard?

  So like foreign room, kept waking up, then next to a man, oh wow, next to a man, oh, it's my friend Ryan. Oh, I'm on this vacation, everything's cool.

• 1:36:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't, I don't like sleeping in the, in a bed with anyone anymore at all. Like, so I'm kind of impressed that you guys, I mean, I guess you had to do it.

• 1:36:42Dax Shepard?

  You do what you gotta do.

• 1:36:43Speaker 01

  You gotta do, but it's so hard to like really fall asleep when there's somebody else in the bed. I worry about this if I have a future husband. I might go ahead and just start from scratch, us not doing that, not, not sleeping in the same bed.

• 1:36:59Dax Shepard?

  You'll want it at the beginning for sure.

• 1:37:01Speaker 01

  I mean, I want to, but I want all this stuff before and then, but just right when I'm sleeping, can they leave?

• 1:37:08Dax Shepard?

  Okay, yeah, if they are like me, that would work out perfect, cause I probably would be awake longer.

• 1:37:15Speaker 01

  But actually, no, cause in the night, there might be like a fun cuddle. Okay, forget it, I take it back.

• 1:37:21Dax Shepard?

  I think for some period, you'll definitely want that, and then for some other period, be like.

• 1:37:25Speaker 01

  But I'm gonna be worried about farting.

• 1:37:28Dax Shepard?

  About you farting, but Monica, you're, you cannot get married and still have this fart thing. You have to fart in front of your husband.

• 1:37:34Speaker 01

  No, I'm not gonna.

• 1:37:35Dax Shepard?

  Your life will be miserable.

• 1:37:37Speaker 01

  Erica doesn't fart in front of Charlie, she never has, he says, I've never heard or smelled her fart.

• 1:37:43Dax Shepard?

  Has that same claim.

• 1:37:44Speaker 01

  Exact, it can be done.

• 1:37:46Dax Shepard?

  They must be doing out and away.

• 1:37:47Speaker 01

  You can't out and away in the bed.

• 1:37:49Dax Shepard?

  No, you have, the whole point is you go out.

• 1:37:51Speaker 01

  Right, I know.

• 1:37:52Dax Shepard?

  And then you get the guests away from you in your fabrics and then you return.

• 1:37:55Speaker 01

  In the night.

• 1:37:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:57Speaker 01

  So I wouldn't out in a way because I'd be asleep.

• 1:38:00Dax Shepard?

  But that's true.

• 1:38:01Speaker 01

  Like what happened to Ryan.

• 1:38:03Dax Shepard?

  Well, you know, he woke himself up.

• 1:38:04Speaker 01

  I know, but he was farting in the night.

• 1:38:06Dax Shepard?

  So like your, your husband won't even know you're up, you're in and inside.

• 1:38:11Speaker 01

  I want to tell a story, but I'm not going to say who. So my friend tried to out in a way.

• 1:38:16Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:38:17Speaker 01

  In the bathroom and it was.

• 1:38:20Dax Shepard?

  It was so loud. Okay.

• 1:38:25Dax Shepard?

  Was it jazz?

• 1:38:26Speaker 01

  It was so loud.

• 1:38:27Dax Shepard?

  It was jazz?

• 1:38:28Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:38:28Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 1:38:29Speaker 01

  It was so loud. No, this is a female friend. Yeah.

• 1:38:32Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 1:38:32Speaker 01

  It was so loud that her husband thought she was throwing up.

• 1:38:37Dax Shepard?

  Wow, that's spectacular. Well, I'm trying to think of how a fart would sound.

• 1:38:45Speaker 01

  Same.

• 1:38:45Dax Shepard?

  If it also sounded like throwing up.

• 1:38:47Speaker 01

  He must have just woken up and heard like a loud noise coming from the bathroom.

• 1:38:52Dax Shepard?

  He was asleep. Okay.

• 1:38:54Speaker 01

  And then he thought.

• 1:38:56Dax Shepard?

  But.

• 1:38:58Dax Shepard?

  I'm trying to think, Howie.

• 1:39:01Speaker 01

  He probably just was like, oh, and then she's in the bathroom and I heard this loud noise that she's probably throwing up.

• 1:39:06Dax Shepard?

  See, that is the problem with holding them as long as you do. When they come out, it's going to sound like someone's vomiting. If you're letting them out here and there, that pressure won't build up to that level.

• 1:39:18Speaker 01

  Into a different room. I can't go in a hotel with my husband. I can't do anything.

• 1:39:23Dax Shepard?

  Gosh.

• 1:39:24Speaker 01

  Can't do anything.

• 1:39:25Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow, wow.

• 1:39:27Speaker 01

  Oh, it's so scary to be a person.

• 1:39:31Dax Shepard?

  He won't care. I know you can't convince yourself of that.

• 1:39:34Speaker 01

  This is a ding ding ding.

• 1:39:36Dax Shepard?

  It is.

• 1:39:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, because this is for Kaley Cuoco.

• 1:39:40Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh. Oh, this is perfect.

• 1:39:42Speaker 01

  It's perfect because we were talking about separate rooms sleeping.

• 1:39:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:45Speaker 01

  And I'm just going to say I'm for it.

• 1:39:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:39:49Speaker 01

  I'm for not feeling nervous that you're, you're going to have to fart in the night.

• 1:39:55Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:39:57Speaker 01

  Because.

• 1:39:57Dax Shepard?

  Nocturnal.

• 1:39:58Speaker 01

  If I do fart, which is almost never. It is in the night or the morning.

• 1:40:04Dax Shepard?

  Wow, you're in morning suits.

• 1:40:06Speaker 01

  In the, in my bed. That's just my own person. It's my personal time.

• 1:40:13Speaker 01

  Hey, Rob, does Natalie fart?

• 1:40:17Dax Shepard?

  Hey Natalie.

• 1:40:18Speaker 01

  Have you ever, have you ever, how about this? Have you ever heard her fart?

• 1:40:22Speaker 05

  We, so we do not fart in front of each other, but I have heard her fart when she sleeps.

• 1:40:28Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 1:40:29Dax Shepard?

  Rob, you don't fart in front of your wife?

• 1:40:32Speaker 05

  No, we don't.

• 1:40:33Speaker 01

  Wow, see, Dex, I think it's more common than you think.

• 1:40:36Dax Shepard?

  What is going on, you guys? Why do you think you fucking get married? So you can be your full self?

• 1:40:43Speaker 01

  I know. Look, I do understand that. I do understand that argument and I would want, I would want someone to accept my farts. But, and I would accept farts. I know I would, but I don't trust, I don't trust that people will accept mine.

• 1:40:57Dax Shepard?

  That's right.

• 1:40:58Speaker 01

  And that's just-

• 1:40:58Dax Shepard?

  That's the work you need to do with your therapist. You need to bring into her that you feel unworthy of love if you fart.

• 1:41:05Speaker 01

  Or I have to marry like a troll.

• 1:41:08Dax Shepard?

  Or my dad who's no, he couldn't smell.

• 1:41:10Speaker 01

  Oh, that's cool.

• 1:41:11Dax Shepard?

  You should put that on your Tinder thing, like, what are you looking for? Someone that can't smell? Think how off putting that would be.

• 1:41:19Speaker 01

  Bad sense of smell, yeah.

• 1:41:21Dax Shepard?

  Because you'd be like, oh, they reek.

• 1:41:22Speaker 01

  They smell so bad. Oh, um, Jess.

• 1:41:25Dax Shepard?

  Rob, what are you doing with your farts?

• 1:41:27Speaker 05

  I just, I don't fart that much.

• 1:41:29Speaker 01

  I don't think Rob is gassy. I've never smelled his fart. He never farts in here.

• 1:41:34Dax Shepard?

  Oh my God.

• 1:41:35Speaker 05

  She's lactose intolerant, though, so.

• 1:41:38Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:41:39Dax Shepard?

  Well, she's Asian.

• 1:41:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, but then he's saying she farts a lot.

• 1:41:42Speaker 05

  She's got stomach problems a lot.

• 1:41:45Dax Shepard?

  Well, it's-

• 1:41:47Speaker 01

  Oh, then it's not fair, Rob.

• 1:41:48Dax Shepard?

  She can't stay away from dairy.

• 1:41:50Speaker 05

  It's not, it's not like a spoken thing. We just never-

• 1:41:54Speaker 01

  I know, but Rob, I don't think it's fair to her that you get to smell her farts and she doesn't get to smell you.

• 1:41:59Dax Shepard?

  Oh, she has, do you think he's not farting in his sleep? And she hasn't heard it and smelled it?

• 1:42:03Speaker 01

  We'll have to ask her.

• 1:42:04Dax Shepard?

  There's no way it's a one way street.

• 1:42:05Speaker 01

  Well, he doesn't have lactose intolerance.

• 1:42:07Speaker 05

  We just don't let it rip.

• 1:42:09Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:42:10Speaker 01

  That's fair. I think a lot of people don't.

• 1:42:12Dax Shepard?

  What about in front of your sons?

• 1:42:14Speaker 05

  Uh, yeah, the boys will all fart in front of each other.

• 1:42:16Speaker 01

  You do?

• 1:42:17Dax Shepard?

  But then when mom comes in, everyone's gotta tighten it up?

• 1:42:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:42:20Speaker 01

  Oh, this is a weird, okay.

• 1:42:23Speaker 05

  I mean, it's boys.

• 1:42:24Dax Shepard?

  Some psychological point on here, yeah.

• 1:42:25Speaker 05

  It's boys, though.

• 1:42:26Dax Shepard?

  It's poison?

• 1:42:27Speaker 05

  No, it's boys.

• 1:42:28Dax Shepard?

  Oh, it's boys.

• 1:42:30Speaker 01

  It is poison. It is poison.

• 1:42:31Dax Shepard?

  That, was, did you think that's what that song meant? That girl is poison.

• 1:42:36Speaker 01

  For farts. Oh my God.

• 1:42:39Speaker 01

  Well, your, yeah, I, look, I think it's aspirational.

• 1:42:43Dax Shepard?

  I do gotta put a, because we're transitioning as we should into the facts, but I just wanna say, we avoided the Vegas thing. The day, the day went great. It's complicated going to the theme park with, four kids that are 10 and 11 because there's, there's varying levels of bravery, I'll call it, on what you're gonna ride. And the pressure of I didn't ride it, now they rode it. And then we, we talked one of them into riding something.

• 1:43:10Speaker 01

  Peer pressure?

• 1:43:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and it didn't go as good as we were all hoping for.

• 1:43:15Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:43:15Dax Shepard?

  And then by the end of the day, everyone was absolutely exhausted, as you can imagine. But we had an incredible time.

• 1:43:23Speaker 01

  Good.

• 1:43:23Dax Shepard?

  Disneyland's so fun. You know the part that was so funnest? I feel like I'm never there at night.

• 1:43:29Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that's so fun.

• 1:43:30Dax Shepard?

  Oh, it's so magical at night. There's so many cute lights lit up everywhere. And I was like, I could just walk around. That's a, that's a ride for me. It's just walking around. And we did Soren twice. We booked and, I like bookending the day at Disney with, with Soren.

• 1:43:46Speaker 01

  That's nice.

• 1:43:47Dax Shepard?

  It's Soren over the world right now, which is often Soren over California. Both have incredible merits.

• 1:43:52Speaker 01

  Okay, I do get nauseous on that ride.

• 1:43:55Dax Shepard?

  You do? Well, that's a bummer, because that's one of my faves.

• 1:43:59Speaker 01

  It's okay, I just won't join at the beginning.

• 1:44:01Dax Shepard?

  And Putty narrates the beginning, remember that? He's like, put the belt through the buckle.

• 1:44:05Speaker 01

  Who's Putty?

• 1:44:06Dax Shepard?

  No, Putty from Seinfeld, Patrick Warburton. He narrates it.

• 1:44:10Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:44:10Dax Shepard?

  And he says, put your belt through the buckle. You know, he's got that very specific cadence.

• 1:44:15Speaker 01

  That's fun. Speaking of Seinfeld, I saw just really quickly, I saw a post on, it's like a teaser or something, I don't know, but it was just a picture from a upcoming Super Bowl commercial. And it is for Duncan. And it has, obviously, one of my boyfriends, Ben, and he's talking to Matt LeBlanc and Jennifer Aniston.

• 1:44:42Speaker 01

  And then the Seinfeld character, but I want to remove that from the story. Because I'm like, what is happening here? My worlds are colliding.

• 1:44:51Dax Shepard?

  Cross pollination.

• 1:44:52Speaker 01

  Of my, of my earliest loves.

• 1:44:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:57Speaker 01

  That's weird, right? Okay, Kaylee Fax.

• 1:45:02Speaker 01

  Is there a movie about the Dole, Dole founder David Murdoch? No. There is no major commercial feature about him.

• 1:45:12Dax Shepard?

  Ding ding ding, we had the Dole Whip.

• 1:45:14Speaker 01

  Oh, so good.

• 1:45:17Speaker 01

  Kaylee has a two-year-old cane corso.

• 1:45:19Dax Shepard?

  Most delicious corn dog in my life.

• 1:45:21Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:45:22Dax Shepard?

  Cause I'm on this new probiotic. I've been dancing a little bit.

• 1:45:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:45:26Dax Shepard?

  And I had a fucking big outrageously monstrous corn dog yesterday and it was so.

• 1:45:32Speaker 01

  And you didn't have any weird.

• 1:45:33Dax Shepard?

  I don't think so. Yeah, again, baby steps. I'm not going crazy, but I did have a big delicious honking corn dog.

• 1:45:39Speaker 01

  If this cures your gluten food completely.

• 1:45:42Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna kiss.

• 1:45:42Speaker 01

  What are you gonna eat? Like, what's the first, what's your first meal back?

• 1:45:45Dax Shepard?

  I mean, I miss pasta so much. There's so many great, uh, uh, I mean, I don't even feel like. I always have been on the even skin test garlic.

• 1:45:54Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 1:45:55Dax Shepard?

  So I don't know if that's leaky or. Oh, fuck, I would eat the ass out of some garlic.

• 1:46:00Speaker 01

  Chimichurri.

• 1:46:02Dax Shepard?

  Oh, chimichurri, grilled chicken with chimichurri.

• 1:46:05Speaker 01

  Okay, Kaylee has a two-year-old cane corso dog and said they are huge. How big? Cane corso's weight varies by sex.

• 1:46:13Dax Shepard?

  Kane or King? I thought they were King corso's. They're cane.

• 1:46:16Speaker 01

  Cane.

• 1:46:16Dax Shepard?

  Cane? Oh, I've had that wrong the whole time.

• 1:46:18Speaker 01

  Oh, that's fun. It's like Videlie. Ding ding ding.

• 1:46:21Dax Shepard?

  We got another one. Acorn.

• 1:46:23Speaker 01

  Males typically weighing ninety-nine to a hundred and ten pounds and females eighty-eight to ninety-nine pounds. Though some American standards allow for larger sizes with males reaching a hundred and ten to a hundred and forty pounds. And females eighty-five to one fifteen. Oh.

• 1:46:39Dax Shepard?

  They're scary looking dogs, in my opinion, in my opinion.

• 1:46:42Speaker 01

  Of that. I'm scared of that. Yeah. Cause they look like.

• 1:46:45Dax Shepard?

  They look like a mix between a pit bull and a Great Dane.

• 1:46:49Speaker 01

  I'm gonna have a nightmare.

• 1:46:50Dax Shepard?

  A great bull.

• 1:46:51Speaker 01

  If I get one of those, though, no one will eat me.

• 1:46:55Dax Shepard?

  That, other than him, yeah.

• 1:47:00Dax Shepard?

  Although he kinda looks like, he kinda looks sweet in the eyes, in the droopiness of the-

• 1:47:04Speaker 01

  He actually looks sad in the eyes.

• 1:47:05Dax Shepard?

  He does, he looks sad, he's like, why do I look so threatening? Cause I'm just a nice boy with chopped ears. I don't like what they did to his ears.

• 1:47:13Speaker 01

  They, they chop all these dogs' ears off. Why do they do that?

• 1:47:17Dax Shepard?

  I can't judge cause I'm circumcised, but still, oh wow, that's not an inviting. Okay, Rob just put a-

• 1:47:23Speaker 01

  Put a dog up that's very scary looking, has blood in its mouth, basically.

• 1:47:28Dax Shepard?

  Salvating everywhere, it's got foam, it's, it's got rabies, it's rabid.

• 1:47:32Speaker 01

  It's definitely-

• 1:47:33Dax Shepard?

  And then it has this huge collar around it that's more like a horse, horse, what do they call those?

• 1:47:39Speaker 01

  Look how muscular its body is.

• 1:47:41Dax Shepard?

  Horse yolk. And then it's got a thick chain anchored into the ground, cause no one can go near it. Woo, no thank you.

• 1:47:48Speaker 01

  Um, can you binge Kaylee's new show Vanished? Vanished is out now on MGM Plus with the first episode having premiered on Sunday, February 1st, 2026. New episodes then release weekly.

• 1:47:59Dax Shepard?

  Weekly.

• 1:48:00Speaker 01

  Weekly, I'm, you know how I feel about weekly.

• 1:48:03Dax Shepard?

  I know, I know, I know.

• 1:48:04Speaker 01

  Okay, and we wanna show a pic, a picture of her zonkey.

• 1:48:08Dax Shepard?

  Oh, cause she did come through and she sent us a picture. And the zonkey's much prettier than I was expecting.

• 1:48:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:48:14Dax Shepard?

  Cause let's be, let's be frank, donkeys aren't the most pretty animals.

• 1:48:19Speaker 01

  But that's, you know, they have other assets.

• 1:48:22Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, they're stubborn.

• 1:48:23Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:48:25Dax Shepard?

  They're loud and they kick.

• 1:48:26Speaker 01

  No, don't they like carry stuff?

• 1:48:28Dax Shepard?

  They're indomitable. They're so strong, pound for pound, donkeys, they'll like, yeah, they'll carry Juan Veldes's coffee right up the side of the Andes Mountains, never even ask for water.

• 1:48:38Speaker 01

  Aww.

• 1:48:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, but this zonkey is actually quite pretty and feminine looking.

• 1:48:42Speaker 01

  And it's, it's legs are striped and they're really cool.

• 1:48:46Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's beautiful.

• 1:48:47Speaker 01

  I recommend everyone go watch the fact check so you can see this zonkey.

• 1:48:51Dax Shepard?

  The zonkey.

• 1:48:52Speaker 01

  Um, and that's all the facts.

• 1:48:54Dax Shepard?

  That's all the facts. That is a zonkey.

• 1:48:56Speaker 01

  Oh, stop showing us that.

• 1:48:57Dax Shepard?

  I would be so fearful of that zonkey if that dog was around in the mix.

• 1:49:01Speaker 01

  I know, but I wonder how fast that zonkey could go.

• 1:49:04Dax Shepard?

  Looks like that dog was wearing a yoke. That's I couldn't think of the name of it.

• 1:49:07Speaker 01

  Well, I don't know what that is.

• 1:49:08Dax Shepard?

  That's what you put over the head, like you put over the head of a bull or something.

• 1:49:12Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:49:13Dax Shepard?

  Better keep it in.

• 1:49:13Speaker 01

  I mean, whatever.

• 1:49:15Dax Shepard?

  God bless humans. They're like, you know what? We want to control these animals.

• 1:49:18Speaker 01

  Why?

• 1:49:19Dax Shepard?

  And we're not afraid. We're going to figure out how like, how on earth are we managing bulls? And I'm not saying now, because now you got factory farming. That's let's not get hung up on how disgusting that is.

• 1:49:26Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:49:27Dax Shepard?

  I'm saying more back. We have been, we have been herding animals that are way bigger than us.

• 1:49:32Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:49:33Dax Shepard?

  For thousands of years.

• 1:49:34Speaker 01

  It's human arrogance.

• 1:49:35Dax Shepard?

  But it's not arrogance because we do it.

• 1:49:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, but people do die.

• 1:49:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:40Speaker 01

  In the process. We lose some. We lose some.

• 1:49:44Dax Shepard?

  All right.

• 1:49:44Speaker 01

  Um, all right.

• 1:49:45Dax Shepard?

  I love you.