Marcello Hernández

Marcello Hernández (American Boy, SNL, Happy Gilmore 2) is a stand-up comedian, sketch performer, and actor. Marcello joins the Armchair Expert to discuss unsponsored gift selections from Marshalls, why Dominican kids are 12 years old but they’re also 40, and thinking he may have finally found his writing process. Marcello and Dax talk about the influential character he adopted during Model UN, leaving his first wife (soccer) for his mistress (stand-up), and how a depressive episode amid Covid lockdown led to a full-time job in comedy. Marcello explains his uncertain fate at SNL following an initial sit-down with Lorne Michaels, the wholesome reason for featuring his mom in his work, and what his aspirations of becoming a teacher and a comic had in common. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ http://www.wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Lily Padman. Ding ding ding. That'll come up in the fact check, Lily.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Ding ding ding.

• 0:08Dax Shepard?

  And in the episode, Lily.

• 0:09Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 0:10Dax Shepard?

  Today, we have, boy, one of the cutest guests we've had in a very long time. He's such a charming, talented, cute, fun-loving, effervescent, life-affirming.

• 0:19Speaker 01

  Smart.

• 0:20Dax Shepard?

  Ah, Marcelo Hernandez. You know him from Saturday Night Live. He was in Happy Gilmore 2. He has a stand-up special out right now that is so fun and unique and has such a vibe called American Boy on Netflix. So, check that out. And really, just prepare to be charmed for the next two hours.

• 0:38Speaker 01

  It's so fun. This is such a fun episode.

• 0:40Dax Shepard?

  Please enjoy, Marcelo Hernandez. We get support from Quince.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.

• 0:54Dax Shepard?

  I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince, because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up. And everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.

• 1:16Speaker 01

  $60. $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories, they skip the middlemen, and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.

• 1:34Dax Shepard?

  The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time, and he looks iconic.

• 1:43Speaker 01

  It's a uniform.

• 1:45Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:45Speaker 01

  And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel-quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully-designed furniture. You can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So, if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home, too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.

• 2:03Dax Shepard?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free Free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. We get support from AG1. Fall is that time when your body and mind are getting ready for the winter. You're settling in, bracing for the cold. Your body's already running a deficit from the shorter days and broken sleep patterns. You don't want a nutrient deficit stacked on top of that too.

• 2:39Speaker 01

  That's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time. It's giving your body what it needs so the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start. One scoop cold water every morning before anything else.

• 2:51Dax Shepard?

  AG1 Next Gen has 75 plus ingredients, vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics, superfoods, backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials. Key nutrient levels improved with three months of consistent use.

• 3:05Speaker 01

  That's the part people miss. It's not a one day fix. It's what happens when you stay consistent.

• 3:09Dax Shepard?

  It's an easy, everyday thing. I've added it to my morning routine and I'm going to tell you, I actually love the taste of it. It's like Pavlovian. I drink it and I know, mm, I'm going to get that little vitamin buzz.

• 3:20Speaker 01

  Well, that's also the thing. When you do it first thing in the morning, you already feel kind of self-esteem because you're like, I already did something good for myself.

• 3:27Dax Shepard?

  Yes. Go to drinkag1.com/dax and for a limited time, get a free immunity bundle, including a bottle of omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D3K2 with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/dax and after checkout, be sure to let them know that Armchair Expert sent you.

• 4:11Dax Shepard?

  Conversation.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 4:14Dax Shepard?

  Before we proceed.

• 4:15Speaker 02

  I prefer physical touch.

• 4:17Dax Shepard?

  Me too. I'm loud in that way.

• 4:21Dax Shepard?

  Do you have a place here?

• 4:22Speaker 02

  No, I just came for this.

• 4:24Dax Shepard?

  Why are you in that sweet Panamera?

• 4:27Speaker 02

  I wanted one and I never got it, so I just rented it.

• 4:30Dax Shepard?

  Oh, so you rented it?

• 4:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:32Dax Shepard?

  Great move. I definitely approve of that.

• 4:34Speaker 02

  Thank you very much.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Are you gonna buy one now?

• 4:36Speaker 02

  Um.

• 4:37Dax Shepard?

  Let me buy you one.

• 4:38Speaker 02

  Yes, Dax, please.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Dax will buy you one.

• 4:40Dax Shepard?

  If this goes to 15 million views, I'll buy you.

• 4:43Speaker 02

  I like that. This is a cool little room you got here.

• 4:46Dax Shepard?

  Thank you. I gotta tell you something, right? You gotta be warned for something.

• 4:49Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 4:49Dax Shepard?

  I made my daughter a promise. She would not come before the interview. But she was in her bedroom watching you get out of the car and she said, "He's got two bags from Marshalls." When I told her yesterday we were interviewing you, she started bawling.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. So cute.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  So cute. Her hair. Okay. She said we shouldn't talk about her.

• 5:10Dax Shepard?

  She just said they couldn't call her dumb names or something.

• 5:12Speaker 01

  A pig. Why would we ever do that?

• 5:14Dax Shepard?

  I know. I'm like, have you ever heard me talk about you?

• 5:16Speaker 01

  She said, "Don't talk about me." And we were like, "Well..." And he was like, "Just don't call me a pig." We were like, "Why would we do that?"

• 5:22Dax Shepard?

  Like, have you ever heard me say anything, but?

• 5:23Speaker 02

  This couch is not for my height, I will say.

• 5:25Dax Shepard?

  What would you like to do?

• 5:27Speaker 02

  No, it's okay.

• 5:27Dax Shepard?

  We have a pillow there. Do you wanna?

• 5:29Speaker 02

  It's okay. I just don't wanna put my feet on your table.

• 5:31Dax Shepard?

  No, yeah, you can definitely. You could literally throw a knife in there.

• 5:33Speaker 01

  You can do anything here.

• 5:35Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 5:35Speaker 01

  We just want you to be so comfortable.

• 5:36Dax Shepard?

  Marcelo, welcome.

• 5:38Speaker 02

  I brought you guys stuff.

• 5:39Dax Shepard?

  You did?

• 5:40Speaker 02

  I brought you stuff.

• 5:40Speaker 01

  What?

• 5:41Speaker 02

  Do you wanna do it now? Get it out of the way?

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 5:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always good to start with gifts.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  I was just on the way and...

• 5:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and you swung by Marshalls.

• 5:49Speaker 02

  I was on the way and I didn't know.

• 5:51Dax Shepard?

  Are you sponsored by Marshalls?

• 5:53Speaker 02

  No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. But I think we're all sponsored by Marshalls.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:56Speaker 02

  So I got you some stuff.

• 5:58Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay, great.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  We're gonna start with you. So I got you this. I think you might like it.

• 6:01Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  It's just Christmas. I left the tag on. Look at that. Isn't that nice?

• 6:06Dax Shepard?

  It's really nice.

• 6:07Speaker 02

  That felt like your vibe. It's you. It's just you.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  It's really nice.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  I got you this as well. Try that. Tell me what you think of that.

• 6:12Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 6:13Speaker 02

  Open that up. Look at that, huh?

• 6:15Dax Shepard?

  Okay, that's not for me.

• 6:16Speaker 02

  No, that's not.

• 6:17Speaker 01

  Yes, it is.

• 6:18Dax Shepard?

  Well, hold on.

• 6:19Speaker 01

  Because it looks like driving.

• 6:20Dax Shepard?

  The automotive aspect is definitely for me.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  Right.

• 6:23Dax Shepard?

  Good job.

• 6:24Speaker 02

  Toyota Supra.

• 6:25Dax Shepard?

  Toyota. But the style of shirt with the collar, you don't see me in a lot of collared shirts.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  I think you should try it.

• 6:30Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think it might be a good look.

• 6:33Speaker 02

  And then I got you this. This is the big finish here. I got you this.

• 6:35Dax Shepard?

  You just bought me?

• 6:35Speaker 02

  Check this out.

• 6:36Dax Shepard?

  Ton of random.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  Look at that. Now that is something, isn't it?

• 6:40Dax Shepard?

  This.

• 6:40Speaker 02

  Because who doesn't love that?

• 6:41Dax Shepard?

  This is incredible.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  For the listener, it's an elf. What is it? A sweatshirt? It's an elf thing?

• 6:48Dax Shepard?

  It's an elf draping.

• 6:49Speaker 02

  Cause it's a good movie, isn't it?

• 6:51Speaker 01

  It's a wonderful movie.

• 6:52Speaker 02

  And it was at Marshall's and I grabbed it and I thought you would like it.

• 6:56Dax Shepard?

  I was down in New Zealand shooting a movie when it came out and we all went to the theater and saw it. And it was the greatest moment, like two rows behind me, I hear this little voice go, oh my God, I love him. I love him so much. And I turn around and this boy was standing on his seat. He was too excited to remain seated and he was just screaming, I love him. I love him so much.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  Little girl has that effect.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  He really does.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  You love him. You love him so much. And then you.

• 7:23Dax Shepard?

  Here we go.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  I forgot about you. Cause I know you like to get cozy, right?

• 7:27Speaker 01

  I do.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  I could feel that. I could tell you like to be cozy. So I got you this. I don't want to throw things at you.

• 7:32Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  Throw things at Dax. I can't throw something.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  Okay, this is a nice cardigan.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  Right? Isn't that cute?

• 7:38Speaker 01

  This is so cute.

• 7:40Dax Shepard?

  Maybe you should wear that to the gloves.

• 7:41Speaker 02

  It's for Christmas. Christmas is right behind the corner. Look at this. You like that?

• 7:45Speaker 01

  Girl dinner. Wow, girl dinner. Okay.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  Because for just in case if you have one.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  In case I ever have a girl dinner, I could wear this.

• 7:53Speaker 02

  It's there, right?

• 7:54Dax Shepard?

  By the way, you have no idea how many girl dinners she hosts.

• 7:56Speaker 02

  That's what I'm saying.

• 7:57Speaker 01

  But girl dinner means something different.

• 8:00Dax Shepard?

  Oh, no. What's it mean? Is it sexual? What is girl dinner?

• 8:03Speaker 01

  Girl dinner is like, oh, I have like half an egg and then like a celery.

• 8:08Speaker 02

  Oh, that's what it is.

• 8:10Dax Shepard?

  And what do you call the thing you host?

• 8:11Speaker 01

  I host dinner parties.

• 8:13Speaker 02

  A dinner party for girls.

• 8:14Speaker 01

  For girls. But I'm still gonna wear this for that. I'm gonna flip the script.

• 8:19Speaker 02

  And then I got you this because it's on the way. Cause I was on the way.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  Shit.

• 8:23Speaker 02

  And I go, I mean, who's not?

• 8:24Speaker 01

  Who's not Santa's face?

• 8:26Speaker 02

  That's what I'm thinking.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  I love these items.

• 8:30Dax Shepard?

  Can I ask you how long it took you? I feel like you were in Marshall's for a good hour.

• 8:34Speaker 02

  I was in Marshall's for a while. I got myself some stuff as well. I didn't bring it out. You can't go to Marshall's and not buy yourself some stuff.

• 8:38Speaker 01

  No, you can't.

• 8:38Dax Shepard?

  What time did you wake up today?

• 8:40Speaker 02

  Six AM.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  Oof.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  Not normal for me.

• 8:42Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 8:43Dax Shepard?

  Cause New York time?

• 8:44Speaker 02

  I guess, maybe.

• 8:45Dax Shepard?

  But you went to an award show yesterday.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  Critics Choice Awards.

• 8:47Dax Shepard?

  Kristen saw you said you did a great bit.

• 8:50Speaker 02

  Thank God.

• 8:50Dax Shepard?

  Did you do Sebastian?

• 8:51Speaker 02

  I did a little bit with Sebastian. He was awesome.

• 8:55Dax Shepard?

  You guys did it together.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:57Dax Shepard?

  Isn't he the most lovable guy?

• 8:58Speaker 02

  He's great. I was telling him that. I think he's gonna be a hilarious father-in-law. One day, cuz the faces he'll make.

• 9:05Speaker 01

  Sebastian Maniscalco, for people who don't know.

• 9:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, Maniscalco.

• 9:08Speaker 01

  Friend of the pod.

• 9:10Speaker 02

  Friend of the pod. I told him I was coming, and he's like, it'll be great.

• 9:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh, good, good.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  I can't wait to see him be a father-in-law because I think it'll be so funny for his daughter one day with the husband to be like, "And I had to go to the doctor, but actually he couldn't come with me cuz he had to work," and just the camera zooms in on him being like,

• 9:37Speaker 02

  "My daughter." You know, I wanna see that. I'd like to be in that living room.

• 9:42Dax Shepard?

  You're right. He could get a ton done without ever saying anything that could be repeated back.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  He's all face.

• 9:47Dax Shepard?

  In a court of law.

• 9:48Speaker 02

  He can do so much face.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  How old is his daughter? You could be the one.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  I don't know anything about the kids, but I do know that I wanna see him as a father-in-law. I want him to hate the son. I want, I just want to see that.

• 10:02Dax Shepard?

  Want him to hate the son.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  Nobody's good enough kind of energy. I like to see that. I also wanna be that. I'm excited to one day have a baby and be the father-in-law and be like, "So, you don't go with her to the doctor?"

• 10:16Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 10:16Speaker 02

  You know, that guy.

• 10:17Speaker 01

  Mostly it's about not going to the doctor. You really expect people to go to the doctor with your daughter.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  I mean, you know what I mean?

• 10:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you gotta be there.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  And by the way, if she's bringing it up at dinner, she's saying he couldn't go cuz he had to go to work, that's a sign she wanted him to go.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  She wanted him. She asked.

• 10:33Speaker 02

  She wanted him to be there.

• 10:36Dax Shepard?

  She needed him.

• 10:37Speaker 02

  And let me tell you, it's a sign.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  It's a microcosm of a larger issue. I'm not gonna get into it. I love him, dude. I can't stop doing it.

• 10:47Dax Shepard?

  I was thinking this a lot when I was watching your stand-up last night. I had this moment. I'm not trying to call you out. I was just like, what's interesting is I learned in a Malcolm Gladwell book that there are no first-generation kids who have accents. It's the power of peer groups. You have one.

• 11:01Speaker 02

  A little bit, sure.

• 11:02Dax Shepard?

  And Maniscalco has one, and I love it. It's a persona-ish.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  Sure. When I'm with you today, you're gonna hear pretty good English out of me. It's gonna be solid, cuz I'm hearing you and I can do you. I can speak perfect English with you here now. Now, you leave me alone in Miami for an hour. It's gonna get a little bit spicy. I'm gonna forget to say a normal. It's gonna happen. It does happen to me. And you know what I've learned too recently is that I can write faster in Spanish. In Spanish, I can go off on an idea a lot faster than I can in English.

• 11:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:38Speaker 02

  For some reason, I've been writing lately. I'll sit down with my assistant, my associate, Mari. She's the best. And I'll just be like, bring up a topic and I'm just gonna scream at you in Spanish. I've written a few jokes that way, and I think it might be my process.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  Wow, we nailed it.

• 11:54Speaker 02

  I think I might have found my process.

• 11:55Dax Shepard?

  Well, I was hoping we would discover what your process was at some point.

• 11:58Speaker 02

  That might be my new process.

• 11:59Dax Shepard?

  Now, I want you to know, if you somehow join my family, you're gonna fit in beautifully. Cuz you're born on the 19th, my little sister's the 20th, my mom's the 25th.

• 12:07Speaker 02

  Of August, wow.

• 12:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, of August. And then our best friend, 24th.

• 12:11Speaker 01

  Yes, me.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  So we're all Leos, is that it?

• 12:13Speaker 01

  No, I'm a Virgo. I switch right in the middle there.

• 12:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, she calls herself a double Virgo.

• 12:17Speaker 01

  I am a double. I don't call it. I am.

• 12:20Speaker 02

  You are a double Virgo. Whatever it says about Virgo to you, it's double.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  No.

• 12:25Dax Shepard?

  Times two.

• 12:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  The connection's all the way.

• 12:28Speaker 02

  Virgos are gonna have a bad day. You're gonna have a horrible day.

• 12:31Speaker 01

  That's kinda right. Wow. Another thing we've uncovered here today.

• 12:37Dax Shepard?

  A 2X bad day.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  I'm a generational cusp.

• 12:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:42Dax Shepard?

  97.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  Cuz you're a Gen Z.

• 12:44Speaker 02

  Gen Z, but also I'm millennial. I feel in the middle in a lot of ways in my life.

• 12:49Dax Shepard?

  Which ways?

• 12:49Speaker 02

  Let's get into it, right? This is a podcast.

• 12:51Speaker 01

  We want you to cry about it.

• 12:53Speaker 02

  I feel in the middle because I know I'm Gen Z and I'm good on the phone. I'm good with the phone. I'm good with the internet.

• 12:59Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 12:59Speaker 02

  Wifi. I'll reset the router.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  Let me reset the router.

• 13:03Speaker 01

  You can reboot.

• 13:03Speaker 02

  Let me reboot the whole thing. Don't even touch it. I'm gonna do it. I'll listen. I'll get into it with tech support. I'll do the chat. People go, I'm gonna call. Don't call. Talk to the robot. They know what to do. They know how to get to the thing. I do all that stuff, but at the same time, because I have like immigrant parents and stuff and they put this in your head. I'm also on the millennial. I had that feeling of not getting too emotionally crazy. I think we can be dramatic, Gen Z's.

• 13:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:31Speaker 02

  And my immigrant thing made me older generation.

• 13:35Speaker 01

  That makes sense.

• 13:35Speaker 02

  Energy as well. And I do this, I'm grabbing.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  That's what millennials do.

• 13:39Speaker 02

  That's how I talk. I grab. I go, I'm also that.

• 13:42Dax Shepard?

  And I see this.

• 13:44Speaker 01

  A beautiful mind.

• 13:44Speaker 02

  Visual guy.

• 13:45Dax Shepard?

  Incorporate it. Yeah, I do wonder if you're raised on the internet, drama's the currents.

• 13:51Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 13:51Dax Shepard?

  How could it not affect your overall?

• 13:54Speaker 01

  Hmm, that's true.

• 13:54Speaker 02

  It's gotta be really bad.

• 13:56Dax Shepard?

  Let's start with mom and dad.

• 13:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, and stepdad. I have a trio. I have two dads and a mom.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  That's nice that you said that. That means he's meaningful.

• 14:04Speaker 02

  He is. He's a meaningful guy.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  That's really sweet.

• 14:06Dax Shepard?

  Absolutely.

• 14:06Speaker 02

  He's a badass.

• 14:07Dax Shepard?

  You got lucky.

• 14:08Speaker 02

  I got lucky with a good stepdad. I think it's also a difficult position to be in.

• 14:12Dax Shepard?

  It is impossible. I dated a gal with a kid. I found it to be impossible.

• 14:15Speaker 02

  It's hard.

• 14:16Dax Shepard?

  Cause I cared about the kid and now I want the kid to turn out good, but the kid doesn't want me to be his dad. He's got a dad.

• 14:20Speaker 02

  It's difficult, but my stepdad, he's a guy that didn't go to college, was in the air force, worked sales jobs, was like selling fire alarms or house alarms and then made his way into the television advertising business and then became like a badass.

• 14:36Dax Shepard?

  Oh, really?

• 14:37Speaker 02

  And it's like, just kills it.

• 14:39Dax Shepard?

  Where's he from? What's his story?

• 14:40Speaker 02

  He has a crazy story. He's from Cuba. He left when he was very little, but he left without his father because his father was in jail, a political prisoner for 14 years or 10 years, 11 years, but he didn't meet his dad until he was 14.

• 14:55Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  In Miami, when his dad made it out and came here. And so he had such a difficult coming up. And my mom had a really difficult coming up because she left Cuba when she was little.

• 15:05Dax Shepard?

  How old was she?

• 15:06Speaker 02

  I'm pretty sure she was 12 when she left Cuba and then she was in Spain from 12 to 15, 16. Then she went to the Dominican Republic.

• 15:15Dax Shepard?

  Really? How did she get to Spain?

• 15:16Speaker 02

  Her dad was Spanish, so he took everybody. He got lucky that we had a Spanish grandfather, got him out. And then she just had to work always. She never got to have that childhood. She never got to be like a little girl.

• 15:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  Cause it was always kind of stressful.

• 15:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:30Speaker 02

  And then I see that with my sister. I call my sister the vice president because my mom is the president and then this is the vice president. The little girl gets to do whatever she wants.

• 15:40Speaker 02

  And she gets all the fun stuff, random gifts, oh, I want that, you can have it type of thing.

• 15:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:44Speaker 02

  And it's because my mom, I think, is living vicariously.

• 15:47Dax Shepard?

  She's giving her the childhood she didn't get.

• 15:49Speaker 02

  I think so, yeah.

• 15:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and then you were paying the price for all the men that were terrible.

• 15:52Speaker 02

  A little bit.

• 15:53Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so wait, wait, biological dad, how did they meet? Did they meet in Spain?

• 15:57Speaker 02

  I think they met in Miami.

• 15:59Dax Shepard?

  But he is Dominican?

• 16:00Speaker 02

  He's from Dominican Republic. So they had a lot of mutual friends, I think, because she came here from the DR.

• 16:04Dax Shepard?

  Thanks to you for that abbreviation.

• 16:06Speaker 02

  You can say DR.

• 16:07Dax Shepard?

  DR, boom.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:08Dax Shepard?

  Going for Danny Ricardo.

• 16:09Speaker 02

  Daniel Ricardo.

• 16:10Speaker 01

  And Dax Randall.

• 16:11Dax Shepard?

  And Dax Randall.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  Oh, that's your middle name, Randall? What do you think of when you hear the name Randall? Let's say it at the same time.

• 16:16Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 16:16Speaker 02

  Three, two, one.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  McDonald's.

• 16:19Dax Shepard?

  What'd you say?

• 16:19Speaker 02

  Monsters Inc.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  I said McDonald's.

• 16:21Dax Shepard?

  I said white.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  We said white.

• 16:23Dax Shepard?

  There's a single non-white person named Randall.

• 16:26Speaker 02

  This is a real generational thing here, which just happens.

• 16:29Dax Shepard?

  Let's do more of those.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was fun.

• 16:32Speaker 02

  I said Monsters Inc. because Randall is the villain.

• 16:35Dax Shepard?

  This could be like a weird fun game where you just say a name and then everyone's got to say what?

• 16:39Speaker 02

  They thought of it.

• 16:40Dax Shepard?

  That conjures up immediately.

• 16:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'll produce the show. I'll produce this show.

• 16:44Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  You want, I'll produce.

• 16:45Dax Shepard?

  Uh, Lily.

• 16:46Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:46Speaker 01

  Lily's my middle name.

• 16:48Speaker 02

  Lily's your middle name?

• 16:48Speaker 01

  Oh, and you want to do the game again?

• 16:50Speaker 02

  Let's do the game.

• 16:50Dax Shepard?

  Okay, hold on. Can we take one second to think?

• 16:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:54Speaker 01

  No, the whole point is fast.

• 16:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, Lily, ready, ready?

• 16:56Speaker 01

  Okay, ready?

• 16:57Speaker 02

  Three, two, one.

• 16:58Dax Shepard?

  Feminine product.

• 16:59Speaker 01

  We're close.

• 16:59Speaker 02

  We're close.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, I said pond and frog.

• 17:03Speaker 02

  I thought of a lily pad. And what did you say?

• 17:05Dax Shepard?

  Feminine product.

• 17:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're always in a different place.

• 17:07Speaker 01

  Oh, way.

• 17:08Dax Shepard?

  Because I'm 100 years older than both of you.

• 17:09Speaker 02

  Always in a really different place.

• 17:11Speaker 01

  Feminine product.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  Feminine product.

• 17:13Dax Shepard?

  Well, because lilac, lily, like fresh scent, they're always trying to tell you how great that product smells.

• 17:19Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 17:19Speaker 01

  Oh, my.

• 17:20Dax Shepard?

  Don't you think? And it's always floral.

• 17:21Speaker 02

  Oh, my.

• 17:22Speaker 01

  That's wow.

• 17:23Dax Shepard?

  You don't think they do floral a lot?

• 17:25Speaker 01

  Well, nowadays, they try to do neutral scents.

• 17:28Dax Shepard?

  Nowadays.

• 17:29Speaker 01

  Nowadays, but in your day.

• 17:30Dax Shepard?

  1900s when I was born.

• 17:31Speaker 01

  Yes, exactly.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  How old are you, Dax Shepard?

• 17:33Dax Shepard?

  51, as of two days ago.

• 17:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, you just turned.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  Wow, 51.

• 17:38Dax Shepard?

  And then going up, I'm watching like the Summer's Eve commercials and I'm watching all the different tampon commercials and it's always fields of lilacs and lilies.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  Well, I don't know that there's fields of lilies.

• 17:48Dax Shepard?

  They're maritime, they're more nautical.

• 17:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, okay.

• 17:51Speaker 01

  But you said lily pad, but my last name's Padman, so it is lily pad. They really fucked me on that.

• 17:57Speaker 02

  They did that on purpose.

• 17:57Dax Shepard?

  Look at this look on his face. This is your dad look.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  This is my dad look.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  It's very interesting. I promise you, I think this might be my first podcast since I was like 20 years old or something like since before anything good happened.

• 18:13Speaker 01

  Really?

• 18:14Dax Shepard?

  And you intentionally turned them down?

• 18:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:16Dax Shepard?

  Tell me why?

• 18:17Speaker 02

  Because I wanted to wait until they had something to watch of mine that I made.

• 18:21Dax Shepard?

  Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:22Speaker 02

  You know, there was a lot of podcasts that I always listened to. I'm a big listener of podcasts. I just always felt like whenever I heard someone I really liked, I wanted to go watch their stuff. And so I didn't want to be someone that went on a podcast and then there was nothing to watch.

• 18:33Dax Shepard?

  Great, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:34Speaker 02

  But now there's something to watch.

• 18:35Speaker 01

  That's really thoughtful. That's really thinking things through.

• 18:38Speaker 02

  It also is like pushing down, like, what do you call it? You avoid.

• 18:41Speaker 01

  Oh, you're avoiding.

• 18:42Speaker 02

  This is pressure, you know, the camera, the people, the talking.

• 18:44Dax Shepard?

  Is it?

• 18:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course.

• 18:46Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 18:46Speaker 02

  I wanted to do good. I want to be good.

• 18:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, me too, always.

• 18:49Speaker 02

  I wanted to be, I wanted to, I want to be doing good.

• 18:53Dax Shepard?

  I want only good.

• 18:54Speaker 02

  Doing great. I want everybody to go, this was very good. He was good. It was perhaps amazing what he did on there.

• 19:01Speaker 01

  It's already great.

• 19:02Speaker 02

  I want people now running on our treadmill, listening to this.

• 19:05Speaker 01

  Oh, that's right. We're in their car.

• 19:07Speaker 02

  Spotify.

• 19:08Dax Shepard?

  Okay, back to your stepdad.

• 19:09Speaker 02

  Yes, back to the stepdad.

• 19:10Dax Shepard?

  What age were you when he entered the picture?

• 19:12Speaker 02

  I think I was like four or five. So he's always been around.

• 19:14Dax Shepard?

  Did you see your dad on the weekends?

• 19:16Speaker 02

  I hung out with my dad a lot. He would always take me to Dominican Republic, me and my sister. We would go all the time when I was little. I would go three or four times a year. I built a great relationship with the Dominican Republic. I have friends there. I went to a lot of summer camps. I played soccer there. I trained with the Dominican Republic U-15 national team. That was good when I was young. I felt like patriotic with the Dominican Republic when I was younger. I was always very proud of it. Those Dominican kids, they are fast and they grow up fast. They have, we call it tigeraje. I don't know how to say it. It technically means like of a tiger, like the acts of a tiger. I have a lot of jokes about it, about how, you know, you take like an American kid and a Dominican kid and they are different. The American kid is the age that he is, perhaps a few less.

• 19:58Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  And the Dominican kid, he might be 12, but he's 40. It's a different energy, these kids.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  Interesting.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  They're fast. They learn too. They have, you know.

• 20:06Speaker 01

  I wonder why. Do you have any theories?

• 20:08Speaker 02

  I think it's being in a third world country. I think it makes you grow up a little faster. I think you see a little more, you're less coddled. And I think English is also a more casual language. You can be a little more casual. Spanish is a little bit more elegant. Not sophisticated, but more formal. So to hear like a little kid saying something in Spanish, it feels funny. Yeah, a little kid being like, I'm hungry for some reason, doesn't have the same energy as a little kid being like, tengo hambre. Like, it sounds different.

• 20:40Speaker 01

  Romantic, day one.

• 20:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:44Speaker 02

  In English, you say, I have a tummy ache or my stomach hurts. We don't have tummy, so the little kid will be like, I have a pain in my stomach.

• 20:52Speaker 01

  Right.

• 20:52Speaker 02

  And he's a child. And that to me is funny.

• 20:55Dax Shepard?

  I'm suffering abdominally.

• 20:57Speaker 02

  Exactly, exactly, exactly, exactly. I have a little Dominican cousin and he's hilarious. And he sends me voice notes on WhatsApp. He thinks it's funny that I speak English. He came from the DR. For him, speaking English to him is like a fun thing to do. So listen to him, he'll send me a voice note like this.

• 21:16Speaker 03

  Good morning, my mellow. Can you call me when you can, please, when you, you have a free time?

• 21:22Speaker 02

  Like, that's a nine-year-old child.

• 21:24Dax Shepard?

  You needed a doc. I mean, what is he, your nephew?

• 21:27Speaker 02

  He's my, like, my nephew. I'm my uncle's kid, but he's so young that it's like, he's not my cousin, he's tiny, he's my nephew. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  So he's kind of, oh my god.

• 21:34Speaker 02

  He's making fun of me.

• 21:34Speaker 01

  And he's making fun.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  Good morning, my mellow.

• 21:37Speaker 03

  Can you call me when you can, please, when you, you have a free time?

• 21:41Speaker 02

  When you have a free time? He's different.

• 21:44Speaker 01

  I love him.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  It's different.

• 21:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:47Speaker 02

  You're not getting a voice note from a nine-year-old American kid.

• 21:49Speaker 01

  No, you're not.

• 21:50Speaker 02

  I should take him to like Steve Harvey, you know that show Steve Harvey?

• 21:53Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah. Kids say the darnedest things.

• 21:55Speaker 02

  He says the darnedest things.

• 21:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 21:57Speaker 02

  This kid says the darnedest, the darnedest things.

• 22:00Dax Shepard?

  Okay, back to Miami.

• 22:01Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 22:01Dax Shepard?

  So, this is interesting. You found yourself in two different Jesuit schools. One, all-boys prep school, right? And then you went to Jesuit college, so, help me.

• 22:10Speaker 02

  I wasn't like I had this passion to go be a Jesuit all the time. I played soccer in high school. I went through a lot with the soccer thing. Like, I wanted to be a professional soccer player my whole life and I definitely had, I would say, some discipline issues. Discipline in school, discipline with training. I have ADD and I wish I would have worked harder. Looking back, I wish I would have hung out less at parties or whatever and done more work. But now, obviously, things have worked out.

• 22:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 22:36Dax Shepard?

  No, no, that's not a regret.

• 22:37Speaker 02

  I had this interesting relationship because I wanted to be so good. And there were times when I wasn't that good and I always felt that pressure. And I had a problem because I behaved bad in school and then I would make the soccer team. I told my coach, I go, I want to be number seven or number nine or number 10, like these great numbers. And my coach to teach me a lesson because he goes, the teachers are telling me you're not behaving well in class. So you're going to wear 50. So I wore a number 50.

• 22:59Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 22:59Speaker 02

  Because my coach was trying to teach me like to be humble and to relax.

• 23:02Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  And the following couple of years, I had a change of mentality. And then my senior year, I would wake up before school and work out and then go to school. I was eating a certain amount of food. I was taking everything so serious. I went from my junior year, having four or five goals on the season to 20 goals my senior year. I was all day, all region, all state. I finally made it. I was the captain of the team. I was sending my video to colleges and I wanted to play in college. I wanted to play division one. I wanted to be this division one athlete. I'm emailing all these schools. I'm one of the youngest people in my grade. Because my mom skipped me a grade when I was really little, which is not good for sports. But it makes the mom feel good that the kid is moving forward.

• 23:45Speaker 01

  Brilliant. I also started kindergarten at four.

• 23:47Speaker 02

  They do that.

• 23:48Speaker 01

  I like it.

• 23:49Dax Shepard?

  Also immigrant parents.

• 23:50Speaker 02

  If you want your kid to, exactly. They go, I just want to get him out of here.

• 23:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  Hurry up and finish so you can get to work.

• 23:55Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 23:55Speaker 02

  A couple of division one schools I talked to, they looked at me as kind of wait a year.

• 23:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:00Speaker 02

  Wait a year and then we'll take another look. And I'm sure that after a year, I could have maybe gone division one. But at the position where I was, the real interest was from a few division three schools. It came down to Occidental here in California, where Obama went.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 24:18Dax Shepard?

  Hussein.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:22Speaker 02

  Him.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  Holy.

• 24:24Dax Shepard?

  All right, Hussein on three. One, two, three. Iraq.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  I didn't want to do that one.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  Saddam.

• 24:30Dax Shepard?

  Saddam.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  Saddam, but. It was that school and then it was this Jesuit school in Ohio where the coach was really nice, Coach Marinero, Coach Modenovich, they liked my video and they wanted me to go. They helped me get a scholarship and it was this really rewarding feeling to have coaches want me to play there and give me a scholarship. And I didn't want to wait. Also around this time, my mom and my stepdad were getting divorced and they're back together now. It's a real love story. Oh, I love that.

• 24:58Dax Shepard?

  We love these.

• 24:59Speaker 02

  They got divorced and they got back together and so I was feeling like I gotta get away a little bit. I didn't want to wait a year in Miami. I was like, I want to go out of state. I always wanted to go somewhere else. So I just went to this Jesuit school in Ohio.

• 25:10Dax Shepard?

  Which is great fodder for your stand-up.

• 25:12Speaker 02

  And it ended up being the whole thing, yeah. Wow. When I was there, it was literally soccer for the first year, like crazy, and then the second year, after my first offseason, I tried stand-up and I was like, oh no, I love it.

• 25:23Dax Shepard?

  Uh-oh.

• 25:24Speaker 02

  Oh no, I love it. I'm gonna leave my wife and do and be stand-up. Cause soccer was my wife. So I'm like, oh no, I met someone.

• 25:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, your mistress was comedy.

• 25:35Speaker 02

  And I, and my heart's beating so fast, I don't get this feeling with soccer anymore. I'm exhausted, I don't want to go to practice, my lymph nodes. And then for stand-up, I'm like, wow, I started to feel like this is the thing. I took my roommate, I put him in an Uber to the stand-up club in an amateur night and I did pretty bad. And then I was like, ooh, I gotta go somewhere else. And I looked up on Facebook, an open mic, I went to another open mic, I did even worse. And then I was like, okay, I'm addicted, I have to be better at this. Wow. And so I started writing in notepads all day long, in class, I'm writing jokes, I'm trying to figure it out. And then I was just like addicted to stand-up and I started doing it all the time. And then in the summer, I did a bunch of yoga and soccer and stand-up. That's all I did.

• 26:14Dax Shepard?

  What a summer.

• 26:15Speaker 02

  My freshman summer in Miami. And then I went back to Ohio and I was in better shape and I was better at stand-up. It got this weird point where I'm playing a lot more on the team, my second season in the preseason, but I'm getting much better at stand-up. And then I win this amateur competition and they're like, we're gonna pay you 500 bucks to host for the weekend.

• 26:33Dax Shepard?

  Oh, baby.

• 26:34Speaker 02

  You know, and then now it's this weird thing and I don't know what to do. One day, I did a real Troy Bolton. I went to a, I went to a practice to Run the mile under six minutes. I did it with my friend Alpha Freeman. He's from Sierra Leone. He was a gazelle. He could have ran that thing in four and a half, but I go, Papi, you gotta stay with me because I need you to focus me. And he did. He ran with me and he got me through. I did it under six minutes. Then I swear to God, I told the coach, I go, I have to go to rehearsal for a theater play that I'm in. And he was like, okay, it was one of these off-season practices, so it wasn't that big of a deal. But he was like, okay, so the kid's doing theater on his off time. I didn't know what to do because the stand-up was so fresh and so new and I loved her, but soccer had been there my whole life and it gave me everything.

• 27:14Dax Shepard?

  Brought you to the dance.

• 27:15Speaker 02

  Brought me to the dance.

• 27:16Speaker 01

  I feel so sad for soccer.

• 27:18Speaker 02

  It was sad. My mom and my stepdad were very supportive about it. My dad didn't want me to do it. My dad had gone to a few tournaments and seen me play really well. And I think he had that always in his mind, like, you're really good. I've seen you excel. I don't think you should drop this for something that you're not so good at yet. But my mom and my stepdad were like, if you want to do this, we're in.

• 27:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 27:39Speaker 02

  Go for it.

• 27:40Dax Shepard?

  Oh, so I think it's hard for a parent, maybe sometimes when it's like, that couldn't be further from your father's dream. But I'm sure never meeting your father, I bet he would have loved to have been a professional soccer player. Any dude would love to be a professional athlete of any kind.

• 27:52Speaker 02

  He was living it up. And he had also gone with me in Dominican Republic. I came home one day when I was like 14 and I was like, Dad, they're gonna let me train with the national team of his country. At his old high school.

• 28:03Dax Shepard?

  Oh, shit.

• 28:04Speaker 02

  So it was like this beautiful thing for him, I think.

• 28:06Dax Shepard?

  And you shit all over that.

• 28:07Speaker 02

  He was not with it at all. But my mom and my stepdad were with it. It was very nice.

• 28:14Dax Shepard?

  Okay, back to Miami, because I don't want to get into Ohio a lot.

• 28:16Speaker 02

  I know, I know. We have to.

• 28:18Dax Shepard?

  What's the cultural differences between DR and Cuban? Like, difference between your mother's culture, say, and your father's?

• 28:25Speaker 02

  Political stability. Dominican Republic has a past that was dark with Batista and they've had their dark times. Cuba just is more consistently dark. They still haven't gone to a democracy. It's still a different thing over there. And so he has a more relaxed energy, my dad, and my mom is more rigid. And now she's cool because her daughter is doing well and her son's doing well. But when I was younger, you could tell that my mom was very

• 28:52Speaker 01

  She wanted safety for you, yeah.

• 28:54Speaker 02

  You know, you need to be doing well. And this is a woman that you are scared to show the C to. That's the energy of this woman.

• 29:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:03Speaker 02

  You're scared to show the C. You're scared to not say thank you to the waitress. You're scared to not be an exemplary young man because she's spooky and

• 29:13Speaker 02

  You don't know what she's gonna do.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  She has powers.

• 29:15Speaker 02

  Yes, she talks through her teeth like this. You know what I mean?

• 29:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:20Speaker 02

  And she's beautiful. Have you seen my mom?

• 29:22Dax Shepard?

  I did, of course.

• 29:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, she's gorgeous.

• 29:23Dax Shepard?

  First thing I wrote in my notes of your standup was your mom's kind of a babe.

• 29:26Speaker 02

  She's beautiful.

• 29:27Dax Shepard?

  That's literally my first note I wrote down.

• 29:28Speaker 02

  She is beautiful and she doesn't age.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  Well, that's because of her powers. That's because she's spooky. So when they decided to get on board with your standup, that's a big deal for someone who wants you to get straight A's. That's a big release of expectation.

• 29:42Speaker 02

  I think she was giving me a little bit of a line because I was in college and I was studying and I did it.

• 29:48Dax Shepard?

  You both got lucky in that way.

• 29:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:50Dax Shepard?

  She is the only Indian parents that didn't tell her to become an engineer or a doctor.

• 29:55Speaker 02

  Ah, wow.

• 29:56Speaker 01

  Well, they wanted me to in their head, or they just really just wanted me to have some safety. And I was like, I'm gonna go be an actor now. And they're like, oh, no. Then they were not supportive at first. They were like, don't do that. But then they had to get on board. What are you gonna do?

• 30:10Speaker 02

  That's nice when they get on board.

• 30:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is.

• 30:12Speaker 02

  But I was crying too. I was with my mom. I was like, I don't think I'm gonna be a soccer player anymore. And my mom was like, relax.

• 30:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:19Speaker 02

  It's okay. I think my mom also was like, you're not that good. You know, she's realistic. This woman's realistic.

• 30:25Speaker 01

  Right, practical.

• 30:26Speaker 02

  Practical woman. The moment I think that was the fire in my butt to do this as hard as I can was I went to my coaches. My mom was like, you have to tell them. And so I went to my coaches, the guys that had recruited me, that had made my dream come true, that had got the scholarship and everything. And it's D3, so if you quit the team, you keep the scholarship. Because it's an academic scholarship. So I had to go to them man to man and tell them like, hey, I'm leaving the team. I want to do standup.

• 30:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you get risky saying you bet on me.

• 31:00Speaker 02

  And I'm bawling. It's ugly cry.

• 31:03Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 31:04Dax Shepard?

  That helps though.

• 31:05Speaker 02

  When you need air.

• 31:06Dax Shepard?

  That helps huge.

• 31:06Speaker 01

  Sympathy.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  And there was a combination with them of like, alright, and also.

• 31:12Dax Shepard?

  Jesus, dude.

• 31:13Speaker 01

  Just stop crying.

• 31:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, right. Like, okay, this is a lot. And then the big moment is the coach looks at me and he goes, you're gonna tell the guys.

• 31:21Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 31:21Speaker 02

  I'm not gonna tell the guys.

• 31:23Dax Shepard?

  Hmm.

• 31:23Speaker 02

  You're a big boy.

• 31:24Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 31:25Speaker 02

  You're making a big decision. We have practice in an hour. Go tell the boys. I literally blacked out. I don't remember what I said. I just remember going into the locker room. All the guys are ready for practice. I can tell Coach is not happy because I was like a new guy that he was starting to play. I think I had a little bit of promise and he's like, "Hey fellas, Marcelo has something he wants to say to you guys." And I'm, you know, I'm like cleaning it up.

• 31:54Dax Shepard?

  You love it. Monica loves crying, by the way.

• 31:56Speaker 01

  I do, I do.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  I can cry at any time, honestly.

• 32:00Dax Shepard?

  Whenever you need me to.

• 32:03Speaker 02

  I can get it at any time. If I say a story, a certain thing, I'll just start crying. I'll describe something and I'll be like, "It's amazing." But I don't cry often. I never cry. That's why I can.

• 32:11Speaker 01

  Oh, that's counterintuitive.

• 32:13Dax Shepard?

  I never cry. I cry all the time.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  I never cry. That's why I can. If you never cry, you always have one in the chamber. I don't remember what I said. I just remember looking at them, telling them the stuff. Everybody's looking at me kind of confused. There was like one or two guys that I had kind of told that were like, you know, we knew this was coming. And then it's like them going to practice and saying goodbye.

• 32:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:33Dax Shepard?

  And are you having second thoughts at that moment? It's like when you break up with a gal. In the next three days, you're like, "Well, I fucked up. I'm completely in love with her. I'm pretty certain..." You just do that, right?

• 32:42Speaker 02

  And that's tough because when you do that, that's love, right? You leave love and then you go, "What do I do now?" But with something like your career or your passion, because it was so difficult, all of those second thoughts I had, I was able to kill them by just working so hard on the stand-up. Every time I would be like, "Damn, the team is winning. I wish I was there. They're at this game. They're at this game. I wish I was there. They're going to the national tournament. I wish I could go with them." I would just work super hard, do five shows, do six shows. And that's why I took any job I could in Ohio. I was doing every little room.

• 33:18Speaker 04

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

• 33:23Dax Shepard?

  We are supported by Allstate. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking which platform you watch that new show on, so frustrating. 15 minutes later, you've logged into seven apps, reset two passwords, and still haven't found it. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. Good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Co. and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. We are supported by Intuit TurboTax. You know that feeling when you drop your taxes off with someone and then nothing? You're just sitting there wondering if they've even started, if there's a problem, if you're getting everything you're owed.

• 34:06Dax Shepard?

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• 34:45Speaker 01

  My dad loves TurboTax and he's a meticulous man. He doesn't cut corners.

• 34:50Dax Shepard?

  If you're not going to trust me, trust a show.

• 34:51Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 34:52Dax Shepard?

  Visit TurboTax.com to get matched with a TurboTax full service expert today. That's TurboTax.com, only available with TurboTax full service experts. Real time updates only on iOS mobile app. This episode is supported by Helix.

• 35:08Speaker 01

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• 35:18Dax Shepard?

  That's the dream. You just described one of my ideal fall nights.

• 35:23Speaker 01

  I know, and thanks to Helix, my bed actually lives up to the vibe. All I had to do was take the Helix Sleep Quiz and within two minutes, they matched me to a mattress built for exactly how I sleep. I have a midnight mattress. It also has cooling technology, which I really.

• 35:39Dax Shepard?

  Increasingly so.

• 35:40Speaker 01

  I need it. I have to have it. And I heard that you're supposed to sleep at a cold temp for optimal sleep. It's very, very helpful.

• 35:50Dax Shepard?

  She is not wrong. I have one too, and it's been such a game changer for sleep. And I love that they make it. So easy, free shipping right to your door. And with their happy with Helix guarantee, you'll get a full 365 nights to try it. A whole year to live in that cozy. They've got over 20 mattress models, so no matter how you sleep, they've got one for you.

• 36:10Speaker 01

  And it's not just us saying it. Helix has been named the most awarded mattress brand by Forbes, Wired and more. You gotta try it for yourself.

• 36:17Dax Shepard?

  Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. Helixsleep.com/armchair. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing. And Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skillset, a body of work, and it's been private. It's been yours, but at some point you're ready to put it out there.

• 36:59Dax Shepard?

  And that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap. Squarespace makes it feel like a step. Beautiful templates, built in SEO, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics, everything you need to go from, I've been working on this to here it is, come find me. All in one place, no code, no stitching together a bunch of different tools. So if you've been sitting on something and waiting for the right moment, this might be it. Head to Squarespace.com/dax for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 37:41Dax Shepard?

  There can't be a ton of options in Cleveland.

• 37:43Speaker 02

  You'd be surprised.

• 37:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 37:45Speaker 02

  There was these guys, Bill Squire and Ramon Rivas, who were doing a bunch of local shows. And Ramon knew people from New York. And that was his advice to me was go to New York every once in a while, meet people. This guy Jim Toos, I don't know where Jim Toos is. I haven't heard from him in a while, but he was a funny guy out of Cleveland that moved to New York. And so there was this energy of like, Okay, that's where the stuff is. That's where the stand up is. And then this guy Sean Patton, you know Sean Patton?

• 38:09Dax Shepard?

  Uh uh.

• 38:10Speaker 02

  He was on The English Teacher. He's the gym teacher.

• 38:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh, love him. Love him. Love that show.

• 38:15Speaker 02

  So he gave me the big piece of advice of come to New York every season. Come once in the winter, come once in the summer, come once in the spring, come once in the fall. And make connections. And then when you move here after you graduate college, you'll have a network.

• 38:26Dax Shepard?

  What a genius bit of advice.

• 38:28Speaker 02

  So I did that. I would get on a bus or on a train and I'll go to New York.

• 38:31Dax Shepard?

  I get on a bicycle. I get on a skateboard. I get on a roller blade. I don't give a fuck.

• 38:35Speaker 02

  Get to the airport. This guy is, you know, this guy's on a motorcycle.

• 38:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, this guy rode a fucking surfboard.

• 38:42Speaker 02

  Where's the suitcase? He traveling with the helmet. So you put the clothes, he put the boxers in the helmet. I love Sebastian, man, I can't stop. But that's kind of what happened. And then that's what gets me to SNL. It's like I'm in New York a lot.

• 38:58Dax Shepard?

  And I want to be in New York. One last question about Miami and the Jesuits. So it's all boys school.

• 39:02Speaker 02

  All boys.

• 39:03Dax Shepard?

  What are you doing about girls?

• 39:05Speaker 02

  Oh, man, I mean, listen.

• 39:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 39:07Speaker 02

  Let me tell you something. My friend, let me explain something to you. When you are with boys all week, every single day, right? You're gonna find a way to get to the, at some point.

• 39:19Speaker 01

  Okay, out of necessity.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  I argue that we maybe, you know, especially on weekends, that's why we went out, I think, so much. Is because we never saw girls at school. So we would go out a lot. We'd go to parties, Geddys. To get together in Miami, we call them Geddys.

• 39:33Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I like that.

• 39:34Speaker 02

  I don't know if that's still a thing.

• 39:35Dax Shepard?

  I want you to start a clothing line called Geddys.

• 39:37Speaker 02

  Geddys.

• 39:37Speaker 01

  I like it.

• 39:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's really fun. It's like life affirming and positive.

• 39:40Speaker 02

  Geddy, get together with your friends. What do they call them here?

• 39:43Speaker 01

  Parties.

• 39:44Speaker 02

  Kickback.

• 39:45Dax Shepard?

  Kickback.

• 39:45Speaker 02

  Equivalent, the kickback.

• 39:47Dax Shepard?

  I don't know that either.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  Oh, this is Gen Z.

• 39:49Speaker 02

  I've heard of a kickback. That's somebody told me that the Geddy is the kickback. Here they call it the kickback. I guess we don't call it anything anymore, but you get to an age where you just, let's meet at a place.

• 39:57Speaker 01

  You get to an age where you stay home.

• 39:59Speaker 02

  Right.

• 39:59Dax Shepard?

  One of my favorite parts of your stand up, American Boy, is you're talking about the vibe in Miami where you left before you went to Ohio was, the goal is roughly four guys and six to 700 girls. When you're planning a party, it's just like, where are we getting more? And we need more. What do you mean there's a 50 girls coming? There's four of us.

• 40:19Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 40:20Dax Shepard?

  And then you got to Ohio. What was the vibe there?

• 40:24Speaker 02

  It's boys' night, boys' night, boys' night, boys' night, boys' night, boys' night. Boys night, boys night, boys night. Let's drink beer and watch football. I go, we're getting fat and there's no girls. It doesn't make sense.

• 40:32Dax Shepard?

  The boys there are like, how many beers do we have? It's not the girls. It's like, dude, six cases? Well, there's four of us.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  Literally.

• 40:40Dax Shepard?

  It's just a flip. And then, see, that's where I'm from, Michigan. Guys are like, let's go to the field. We need three kegs.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  I go, there's no girls in the field.

• 40:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:48Speaker 02

  They're not going to the field. You're not gonna get girls to go to the field. And then in the house, you want the house to be welcoming to the girls.

• 40:55Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 40:55Speaker 02

  You want it to look nice. Like, my boys, when we were planning something, we put the drinks together. You know, the cups need to look nice.

• 41:01Dax Shepard?

  Some candles?

• 41:03Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Maybe. Who'd want to, who'd want it to feel nice?

• 41:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:05Speaker 02

  And if you know that the girls drink this, you wanna make sure that that's there.

• 41:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:10Speaker 02

  In Ohio, they go, we're gonna do what we're gonna do. And if you guys wanna be here, you can be here. You know what I mean? It's not the same. And by the way, they're sweating, right? They're jumping.

• 41:23Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  They're wearing a jersey with a hoodie under it.

• 41:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:25Speaker 02

  Does that make you think that's cute? I'm at that age, and when I'm in Miami, I'm wearing this.

• 41:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:33Speaker 02

  I've been wearing this since I was 12.

• 41:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:35Speaker 02

  These guys, they don't do that. They wear hoodie and they wear sweats. A house party in Miami, you dress not, if I had a dollar for every jersey over a hoodie that I saw, I'd be a millionaire, a bazillion. It's everybody. Girls like it, though, because girls are falling in love at these things.

• 41:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:54Speaker 02

  But I was very much confused.

• 41:57Speaker 01

  Did you wear the jersey over, were you trying to adapt?

• 42:00Speaker 02

  Of course. You try and figure it out. I didn't wanna look very different. And then I met the Latin people. There's like 12 of us in Ohio, and we would hang out sometimes, we'd go out. We go to DC. I joined Model UN. I had an identity crisis.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  Oh, shit.

• 42:13Speaker 02

  I quit soccer. I went into theater, comedy, and Model UN. I became a different guy.

• 42:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 42:17Speaker 02

  I'm representing Lebanon at the Model Arab League. I joined the Model Arab League. Did you know what that is? Model Arab League, it's like Model UN but for the Arab League. So it's like, you guys Model UN, that's interesting, try it in the most difficult place. So we're doing that. I'm representing Lebanon and Kuwait.

• 42:34Speaker 01

  And you guys are like finding peace?

• 42:35Speaker 02

  We're having meetings. I was in Environmental Affairs, which is where they put the funny people. Because, you know, the other stuff, it's too difficult, you have to know a lot. But for Environmental Affairs, it's very much.

• 42:45Dax Shepard?

  Off the cuff.

• 42:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, I won. I won. I won outstanding delegate. The delegates from Kuwait, we won, because Kuwait has money. So we would be like, we're going to fund this project. It's all about networking. I would want my kid to do it, honestly. Because you have to meet the lady from Egypt. So I don't smoke cigarettes, right? I go to the Model Arab League. There's people that came from Egypt to do it. There's people modeling the schools. Obviously, there's a lot of people that are from these countries that want to do this. And they smoke cigarettes. It's a thing, cigarettes.

• 43:13Speaker 01

  Right.

• 43:14Speaker 02

  And so you're five hours in a room and then they give you a break for thirty, forty minutes. And in that break, it's cigarette time. Everybody goes outside smoking, so I'm smoking cigarettes. I'm banging darts with Egypt. I'm with Egypt. I'm telling her, I go, listen, when we get back in there, I'm trying to do this big environmental project, okay? And we have a lot of nuclear energy. There's a couple of things that we want to do. And so we're literally doing this like crazy stuff. And I thought it was so fun.

• 43:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. You're kind of playing a character.

• 43:37Speaker 01

  You are, yes.

• 43:39Speaker 02

  How else does a kid like me, that is a comedian in Cleveland, Ohio, get to flirt with a girl from Egypt? It's Model Arab League, she came from Egypt.

• 43:47Dax Shepard?

  Was she beautiful?

• 43:48Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, gorgeous.

• 43:49Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 43:50Speaker 02

  And the men too, it's a permanent.

• 43:51Speaker 01

  And they're wearing good clothes, nice clothes, there are no jerseys there.

• 43:55Speaker 02

  At the Model Arab League, it's unbelievable. And the smell, the cologne. I felt, I felt amazing in there. And you're having fun. I'm telling, you know, Sudan, I go Sudan, stick with us. We'll help. How can we help with the environmental issues? And we won. And it's just me and a Guatemalan guy. And he's from like school and we're representing Kuwait.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  I thought you were representing Lebanon.

• 44:16Speaker 02

  We did both, two years in a row. My mentality was, I'll go to DC and then I can do stand up there. So I did shows when I was there. So I was really just going crazy.

• 44:24Dax Shepard?

  How did you handle bombing? Could you let that roll off your back?

• 44:27Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, I'm good. Soccer is failure.

• 44:30Speaker 01

  I thought you meant like in Kuwait. Like, how did you deal with the bombing situation?

• 44:36Dax Shepard?

  What was the bombing strategy? After you guys built that nuclear reactor, were you gonna carpet bomb any places?

• 44:43Speaker 02

  Dude, when we got them to accept nuclear, it was crazy. There's so many, "No, we can't do that."

• 44:48Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 44:49Speaker 02

  And we're like, "Guys, we're gonna do the nuclear." I already talked to Egypt. Egypt loves me.

• 44:53Dax Shepard?

  Also going out to dinner with Egypt.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  Talked to Saudi Arabia. There's a girl from Saudi Arabia. Me and my delegate partner, we started talking to her. When you have Saudi and Qatar supporting your nuclear plan, it's gonna be hard to say no. So we passed it. There's a judge lady, and you're passing resolutions.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  Ah, wow.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  Oh my god, girl, did I pass resolutions that day. I was passing resolutions left and right. I couldn't stop.

• 45:17Dax Shepard?

  Line up the resolutions.

• 45:18Speaker 01

  Bombing in stand-up.

• 45:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:21Speaker 02

  Stand-up is very clear when you're bombing. When I made that switch to comedy, and I was really in waters I didn't know, I went to zero. Like, in soccer, I was like a guy that knows. And then in comedy, I went all the way down to like truly the lowest you can be.

• 45:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:39Speaker 02

  And I held on to that.

• 45:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:41Speaker 02

  And I still have it.

• 45:42Dax Shepard?

  As we get into SNL, how big of a fan of SNL were you as a kid? Were you watching it a ton?

• 45:47Speaker 02

  In my house, my parents loved politics. My mom was kind of into watching it because of that. I think the show, for a lot of people, they love to see that cold open. They love to see what they're gonna do with the candidates and stuff.

• 45:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:00Speaker 02

  And my mom was also very into it because she was kind of new at, I have a vote and it matters.

• 46:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  You have to vote.

• 46:09Dax Shepard?

  Being informed, yeah, like civic responsibility.

• 46:11Speaker 02

  So she liked it, but me and my sister, we would watch Disney Channel and Nickelodeon. And on Saturdays, because I'm at an all-boys school, you go out.

• 46:20Speaker 01

  Geddes.

• 46:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, Geddes. I was at Geddes.

• 46:22Dax Shepard?

  Getty time.

• 46:23Speaker 02

  So I wasn't really a lot at home to watch. My stepdad, I would watch like Boardwalk Empire with him. Started that. He was watching that type of stuff, like war stuff. And then my mom, she watches, I don't even know. They watch The Housewives and she watches all the series by herself in her room on the computer.

• 46:40Speaker 01

  Oh, my mom too. Why are they always just watching stuff on the iPad?

• 46:44Speaker 02

  In the bed with the computer.

• 46:45Speaker 01

  Yes, why?

• 46:46Speaker 02

  The computer's hot as hell on the bed.

• 46:48Dax Shepard?

  Burning her thighs.

• 46:49Speaker 02

  Burning the thighs.

• 46:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 46:50Speaker 02

  We would watch George Lopez, all of us together.

• 46:52Speaker 01

  Oh, great.

• 46:53Speaker 02

  That was like our show as a family. But that was like a weekday thing. After we're done with everything, we'll watch the two episodes back to back and then you go to bed.

• 47:01Dax Shepard?

  Oh, his sitcom, not his interview show.

• 47:04Speaker 02

  The sitcom.

• 47:05Speaker 01

  I think it's probably good that you maybe didn't grow up with it being such a massive goal.

• 47:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:10Speaker 01

  Because then you would have had so much pressure.

• 47:13Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so how did you get the audition?

• 47:14Speaker 02

  So I was selling tickets on the street. That was my job. I sold tickets on the street. I also sold electricity.

• 47:17Dax Shepard?

  I love it, because you gotta get the bill.

• 47:19Speaker 02

  You gotta get the bill and they won't give me the bill.

• 47:20Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 47:22Speaker 02

  They don't want to give a nineteen year old the bill. I'm just in a suit. I'm nineteen. I'm having the time of my.

• 47:26Dax Shepard?

  And it's a scam. It's definitely a scam.

• 47:27Speaker 01

  Oh, it's a scam?

• 47:28Speaker 02

  I don't know if it was a scam.

• 47:29Dax Shepard?

  Well, when the guy says he's gonna pay you in a year, it's a scam.

• 47:31Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 47:31Speaker 02

  It was a loophole. It was a loophole.

• 47:33Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 47:33Dax Shepard?

  Also, people don't need to sell electricity in New York City. That's not how electricity works.

• 47:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't even get it.

• 47:38Dax Shepard?

  Like, think about selling water. Oh, yeah, we're selling water to your house. What the fuck are you talking about?

• 47:42Speaker 02

  It's a room where this guy was like Wolf of Wall Streeting us and being like, when I say bill, you say, give it to me. You know, like that type of energy? And we're competing with Con Ed, right? Which is you're not gonna give you a Con Ed and it's fifteen of us and none of us were good in school. It's like, are we gonna win? I don't know if we're gonna win. He liked the way I talked and stuff and I was doing stand up and I told him and he liked me. And he's like, you have a lot of promise. Bring you to dinner. And then you go to dinner with him. I never sold a thing. I never made a dollar.

• 48:06Dax Shepard?

  You tried to get businesses to give you their entire electrical bill so that you could then circle a bunch of things and then write, oh, we're gonna save you this.

• 48:12Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 48:13Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 48:14Dax Shepard?

  Imagine cold calling Chipotle headquarters and going like, hey, so I'm gonna need your electrical bill.

• 48:19Speaker 02

  And we're not cold calling. We're pulling up.

• 48:20Speaker 01

  You're pulling right, you're riding up.

• 48:22Speaker 02

  I was walking around Brooklyn, knocking.

• 48:23Dax Shepard?

  That's the best way.

• 48:24Speaker 02

  We're knocking on the door, walking in.

• 48:26Speaker 01

  They probably didn't know that you found peace in Lebanon and Kuwait and it's like, you should have maybe led with that.

• 48:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's interesting. I should have done that. The environmental issues I could have fixed. So I was selling tickets on the street in New York, doing electricity during the day. My friend that you saw earlier, Sandial, we lived together in a dorm for a summer. I got a scholarship from my school for theater. They awarded me a theater scholarship on top of mine because I did well in theater.

• 48:47Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 48:48Speaker 02

  My mom was like, okay, we can take this money. We can pay for your summer in New York. So I spent a summer in New York doing this electricity stuff and doing the tickets. And then when I graduated that next semester, I moved to New York. My parents helped me a little bit with rent and I was living in this guy's apartment in the Lower East. Well, first I lived in Bushwick for very little money and I could kind of afford it myself. And it was bad.

• 49:11Speaker 01

  What form of bad?

• 49:11Speaker 02

  Like cockroaches and dirty and the trash is full.

• 49:15Dax Shepard?

  Smells everywhere. People are hitting each other all the place.

• 49:17Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then I leveled up a little bit to the Lower East Side with this guy. This guy was very interesting, the guy I lived with. He would drink a beer, a little bit of a beer and then opened, put it back in the fridge. There would be opened cans of beer in the fridge.

• 49:29Speaker 01

  Interesting.

• 49:30Speaker 02

  So I'm living there, I'm doing the tickets and then the pandemic hits. And that's the worst job to have when the pandemic hits is you're standing on the street selling tickets.

• 49:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:37Speaker 02

  So the streets are empty. At the time, I'm in Chicago, staying on a friend's couch, doing shows.

• 49:42Dax Shepard?

  I gotta pause you. It's insane that all of his success is post pandemic.

• 49:46Speaker 01

  That is wild.

• 49:48Dax Shepard?

  So if he was five minutes ago.

• 49:49Speaker 01

  I know, but it's been a while.

• 49:51Dax Shepard?

  But it's not, you're on six years.

• 49:52Speaker 02

  So pandemic hits, I have no money. I have $800 to my name. I take it to Miami. My mom makes me fly to Miami. I fly to Miami with all my stuff. I move back in with my mom. I give her $800. She goes, that's nice. And I'm just living with her and I have a full like mental situation. I go mental. I'm moping around the house. I'm not helping. I am obsessed with COVID. I'm obsessed. I'm spraying everybody.

• 50:17Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 50:18Speaker 02

  My mom gets back from the supermarket, you gotta get naked. Give me the clothes. Give me the clothes. You're doing undies. Give me the clothes. I'm throwing it in the wash. You and my sister, they hate me. These two hate me. It's us three in the house. I'm spraying them. My stepdad is in Puerto Rico. He's working there at the time. And I'm like just spraying the crap out of them all day long, spraying everything. I'm spraying my sister. I'm spraying my hands. My hands are dry from all the sanitizer.

• 50:45Dax Shepard?

  You were unraveling.

• 50:46Speaker 02

  I'm a real nightmare.

• 50:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 50:48Speaker 02

  And my mom makes me get a job. So that's when I get a headset sales job. I'm calling people 65 and over and telling them that through their Medicare, I'm able to take their medications out of CVS and do a home delivery at no additional cost to their insurance.

• 51:01Dax Shepard?

  That's right.

• 51:02Speaker 01

  Sold.

• 51:02Dax Shepard?

  And you're working with an assassin, a gal that's clearing six figures.

• 51:06Speaker 02

  She's unbelievable, Jamila. I'm thinking Jamila's on the phone going, good evening. How are you doing today? Absolutely not. She goes, hello. I am Jamila, calling on behalf of the Health Center. I am here to reach out.

• 51:18Dax Shepard?

  That sounds official. That's smart.

• 51:19Speaker 02

  That was her move. I was trying to do, hey.

• 51:22Dax Shepard?

  Wine and dinem.

• 51:23Speaker 02

  They don't want that.

• 51:24Speaker 01

  Really?

• 51:24Speaker 02

  They think you're scamming them.

• 51:25Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 51:26Dax Shepard?

  When you're old and you're in Florida, your phone's ringing every 30 seconds with someone trying to rip you off. Let's be honest.

• 51:30Speaker 02

  And dude, I'm calling Florida. If I wake up late for work, then that means I stay two hours later. I call Texas because they're a couple hours behind and I'm calling LA and Colorado late night. You know what I mean? I'm 7:00 PM in Miami calling Colorado. You understand?

• 51:43Speaker 01

  Middle of dinner?

• 51:44Speaker 02

  The middle of dinner with my headset. I'm doing the thing. I'm in my mom's house doing that. I was making 1,100 bucks every two weeks.

• 51:51Dax Shepard?

  Great.

• 51:51Speaker 01

  But it was keeping you distracted. You stopped spraying everyone.

• 51:53Speaker 02

  My mom is loving when I'm working. But it took a couple of months. She was so mad at me for those months. I was a nightmare in the house. And then she's like, finally you got a job. She bought me a desk. She goes, I'm so excited. She bought me a desk. She's like, you can sit in the desk in the house and do the job. She works from home. She's talking. I have the doors closed in this little room and she's opening the door going, what did you say?

• 52:16Speaker 02

  This is when I start to have a real panic of like, I'm not a comedian anymore. What is happening to me?

• 52:20Speaker 01

  Your identity.

• 52:20Speaker 02

  It's horrible. I don't want to do this my whole life. So I start making these horrible little videos with a little tripod in her house, with a horrible mic and I still have them. I have them saved, these horrible little videos. They're not doing well, obviously. And then I do one video that is things in Spanish sound better than in English. And it does a little bit better. People like it. And then I'm still a panic about the COVID and my mom and we're getting into this big stuff because my mom and my sister are there in Miami and they want to go to lunch.

• 52:47Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 52:48Speaker 02

  And I go, you can't do that.

• 52:49Speaker 01

  There was a lot of fights about this at that time.

• 52:51Speaker 02

  So they go to lunch and then I don't want to talk to them. I go, you're disrespectful. You want to kill everybody. So I moved to my dad's house in Miami.

• 52:59Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 53:00Speaker 02

  Because he is out and about all day, but it's just us in the house. So I feel like, you know what I mean?

• 53:05Dax Shepard?

  More manageable.

• 53:05Speaker 02

  I feel more manageable. And I have this protective thing about my mom and my sister where with my dad, I'm like, we're just a couple of guys.

• 53:11Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:12Speaker 02

  So I move in with him, doing the sales, and then I step up the videos a little bit in his house. I get a ring light. I get a camera. I get a microphone. I teach myself to edit on Adobe Premiere. Now the videos are step. I'm waking up before work. I'm jumping rope in underwear, playing music in his backyard. The neighbor said, I gotta stop doing that because his kid is watching me in the underwear. He doesn't like that. And the music's too loud and it's too early. It's seven AM. I'm jumping around. So I'm waking up, I'm jumping rope. First, I'm writing for an hour. I'm doing the morning pages. I did the three pages stream of consciousness. I'm writing every single day. Then on Friday, I'm going to my buddy Gio's house, smoking pot. I don't smoke pot anymore, but we're smoking pot back then.

• 53:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, great.

• 53:48Speaker 02

  Smoking pot with him. I'm telling him all the jokes and then he's telling me what he thinks. And then we find the one for this week. I go home, I film it, I edit it myself and I put it out. I think video number four went crazy viral. Okay. Like millions of views on TikTok, on TikTok.

• 54:04Dax Shepard?

  What was the premise of the video?

• 54:06Speaker 02

  I use an accent when I feel uncomfortable. If I go to a supermarket and I don't know where the ketchup is, I can't go up to someone and go, hey, where's the ketchup? They go, what the hell? We'll find it. But if I go into the supermarket and I go, excuse me, do you know where is the ketchup?

• 54:27Dax Shepard?

  How do you say?

• 54:27Speaker 02

  For the papitas. And then they go, oh, yes, we'd love to help you. You know, that's so I did that and that went crazy. I did a part two. That was back when you were learning that, okay, do the same thing again. And then I did a bunch of these videos. I think it was an earlier video that happened, which was, I hate the club. I don't miss the club. The club is the Money Olympics. It's a bunch of people rooting for you to make a financially irresponsible decision.

• 54:52Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 54:54Speaker 02

  So I make that video and Miami people really like it. And then I get a call from a girl that I knew from Geddy's. And she goes, I'm working with this Instagram account in Miami. Do you think that you could do a meeting and do some content for them? And I'm like, I would love to. I do the meeting. I tell them I'll do the videos for them. And I go, and there's one idea I have, but if I tell you the idea, you have to let me do it. You can't take my idea and give it to someone else. And the guy's like, okay, whatever. And then I go, you know how Dave Portnoy tries pizza? We're in Miami. I would like to go to all of the best cafeterias and try croquetas. And the guy is, he loved it. He goes, that's an idea. He did that. He smacked the guy. He smacked the guy. That's what I knew I had.

• 55:34Speaker 01

  Oh, classic.

• 55:35Speaker 02

  He smacks the guy. And I'm like, okay, I got him. And so I started making these videos for them. The people hate me on the account. My mom makes an Instagram for her dog and starts responding to the people.

• 55:46Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure.

• 55:46Speaker 02

  The whole thing. But now I have a job. I'm working the two jobs at the same time. And then I could tell the guy, I go, you gotta give me 500 bucks a week so I can quit my other job. He goes, fine, but you're gonna have to be the creative director of the whole page.

• 55:57Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 55:58Speaker 02

  So now I'm literally doing everything for the page. I'm up 24 hours a day. I'm updating the stories. I'm doing an ad with Headquarter Toyota. I'm going to Toyota. I'm figuring out the ad.

• 56:07Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my goodness. Yeah, yeah.

• 56:08Speaker 02

  I'm writing the lines.

• 56:09Dax Shepard?

  This is great.

• 56:10Speaker 02

  Doing all of this.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:11Dax Shepard?

  This is a great way to learn everything.

• 56:12Speaker 02

  Exactly. I'm learning as I go, pretending like I know what I'm doing.

• 56:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's powerful.

• 56:17Speaker 02

  And then at this time, this comedian, Tim Dillon, he says he's going to Miami and I had met him in passing in New York. And I sent him a DM. I go, so you're in Miami. I work for this account. We've met before. Do you mind if I open for you? And he said, I don't care. And then I took that to the club. And I go, he doesn't care. Come on, let me do it. They let me do it. And then Tim goes, why don't we go on the road?

• 56:39Dax Shepard?

  I don't care.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  Right.

• 56:41Speaker 02

  So now I'm touring with him, living in Miami, making 500 bucks a week, 2,000 bucks a month. My cousin is also living in Miami. He goes, why don't we move into an apartment together? I go, that sounds like fun. We move into an apartment together. I'm paying a thousand bucks in rent. We have this nice little apartment in Miami. Now I'm like, okay, I moved out. I have a thing now. This is going great. Now I'm working that job full time. At the same time, I figure out that this other guy I knew was working at a YouTube channel. I go, let me write for you at the YouTube channel. He goes, I'll see what I can do. They start giving me 200 bucks per video that I did with him. So now I'm driving up to Boca to do that with him once a week, riding with him for four or five hours for 200 bucks. Now I'm making a little bit of money on the road. And then I find another guy at this comedy show and he's like, I wanna do stand up. And I go, let me write your stand up.

• 57:27Speaker 02

  I'll help you write your stand up. We'll sit down. I'll interview you. He's a rich guy. He had just sold his company and he wants to do stand up. I go, I'll sit down with you in your apartment. I'll write down stuff that I think is interesting about you. We'll make you. Some jokes, so he's giving me 200 bucks as well. So now I'm 200 bucking it.

• 57:39Dax Shepard?

  You're building a quilt out of 200 bucks.

• 57:41Speaker 02

  And then at the same time, I start opening for this guy, Mark Viera, this Puerto Rican comic. He's taken me on the road a little bit. And then at the same time, Gilbert Gottfried, I get hit up through a friend of a friend to open for Gilbert. So now I'm opening for a few guys, doing stand up in Miami, traveling a bit. And Tim Dillon tells me, if you don't move back to New York, I can't keep you as my guy. Cause I need you to be working. I need you to be active. And in Miami, there's just not enough. So when he tells me that, I'm like, all right, I have to figure it out. And thank God I have another friend that I call and I'm like, hey, man. Are you thinking about going to New York? He goes, you know what? I am. And he has family money and he's a very, very close friend of mine. And then he starts sending me apartments. And I'm like, oh, no. Oh, no, no, I can't do that.

• 58:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:24Speaker 02

  He says, he keeps going, no, no, we'll figure it out. And then I'm like, no, no, no, you don't understand. We're at two very different places in our life.

• 58:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:31Speaker 02

  Ultimately, he lets me pay him very little money to sleep in his house for one year in New York. I moved to New York. From New York, I'm doing the zooms with the guy to write the stuff for 200 bucks. I'm doing the zooms with the other guy to write the stuff for 200 bucks. I'm doing my videos from my bathroom because people can't know I'm not in Miami. Cause I'm doing a weekly news video about Miami and those videos start to kind of take off. I do it on the toilet. I sit on the toilet. I thought that would be interesting.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 58:54Speaker 02

  Yeah. And people start to like the videos and it's going better. And then every night I'm doing five, six shows in New York. Hosting is the easiest thing to get if you want to. Cause nobody wants to host. So I'm like, I'll host every single show. So I'm hosting all these shows. And then Just for Laughs comes over to New York during this year. The club goes, you've been hosting so much. We want to put you into audition.

• 59:14Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 59:15Speaker 02

  So he put me down to audition. I auditioned for JFL. I get the call back. I get JFL, which is like a huge moment in my life. I go to Canada for JFL. This is towards the end of the year. I'm figuring out what am I going to do when my rich friend doesn't let me sleep on his couch anymore? I'm gonna go back to Bushwick and I go to JFL. I go to Canada at JFL. I finish my six minute set. And I meet a producer from SNL. They go, we loved your set. I go, fantastic. Thank you.

• 59:39Dax Shepard?

  I'm not ready for this.

• 59:40Speaker 02

  Panic, panic, panic. And then they go, um, we'd like to see you and audition in New York. So I auditioned in, I think it was UCB. And then a few weeks after that, I get a call back. My buddy's like, we have the apartment till August. And this is just when all this is going down. And I go, you gotta extend the lease. You can't do this to me right now. And he did it. He's just helping me and I'm very grateful for him. My boy Cole, I was at his wedding. I spoke and everything. I love this guy. My sponsor.

• 1:00:07Speaker 02

  So I do this thing at the UCB. I call my mom after she goes, how'd it go? I go, I don't know, mom. My mom's freaking out. My mom starts smoking cigarettes.

• 1:00:14Dax Shepard?

  Going back to soccer, mom.

• 1:00:15Speaker 02

  Freaking out. And then I get a call back to go to the studio. I go to the studio and do it.

• 1:00:21Dax Shepard?

  I've heard you retell it and zero laughs, right?

• 1:00:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, zero laugh. I might've heard a cough. It could've been a laugh. I heard it sounded like a cough.

• 1:00:27Dax Shepard?

  And then you ask someone else who had auditioned, like, did they laugh? And they're like, yeah. What could be scarier?

• 1:00:32Speaker 02

  That's scary.

• 1:00:33Dax Shepard?

  So at no point during it where you're like, I think I got a good shot.

• 1:00:36Speaker 02

  No. And then I get called back again for meetings with the writers where you sit down and you talk to the writers. And they're like, what do you want to do here? And I'm like, I, I do the Latin stuff. And they're like, okay. And then I have those meetings. And then after the meetings, they sit you down in this room. The people that were all called in for the meetings. And it's me, Devin Walker, Michael Longfellow, Molly Carney and Chloe Trost. And then they call one of us in to meet with Lauren. Devin was first. I'll never forget it. Devin goes in, talks to Lauren, comes out and we go, so? He goes, I got it.

• 1:01:05Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 1:01:06Speaker 02

  And we're like, God.

• 1:01:07Dax Shepard?

  He tells you that.

• 1:01:08Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 1:01:09Speaker 02

  God, dude, this is amazing. We're freaking out.

• 1:01:11Speaker 01

  But also are you like, well, fuck.

• 1:01:12Dax Shepard?

  There goes one slot.

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  You have to.

• 1:01:14Speaker 02

  You feel like the slots are.

• 1:01:16Dax Shepard?

  They are finite.

• 1:01:17Speaker 02

  You know, we're hugging and we're like, it's amazing. And he's like, all right, guys, bye. We're like, okay, bye. He leaves. Now it's four of us. I'm drawing. I'll never forget it. I was drawing a bow. I was so nervous. And then I go in. We just start talking about the show and what do you love from the show and all this stuff. And then he doesn't give me truly the feeling that I got it.

• 1:01:34Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:01:35Speaker 02

  It wasn't clear.

• 1:01:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:37Speaker 02

  He didn't say like, I'll see you soon.

• 1:01:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:40Speaker 02

  See you in a bit. It was like, okay, nice to meet you. Then I come out and they're like, so? And I'm like, you know, I don't know.

• 1:01:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:49Speaker 02

  Then I walk out.

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 1:01:51Speaker 02

  Call my mom and she's like, you get it? I go, I don't know, mom. I have no idea. She's like, oh my God, Marcelo, these people. They don't tell us anything.

• 1:02:02Speaker 02

  And then a couple of weeks go by and you get the call where it's all your agents.

• 1:02:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:07Speaker 02

  And it's either yes or no. And they're like, they're offering you a spot on the cast.

• 1:02:13Speaker 01

  And did you cry?

• 1:02:14Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I cried, I cried. I called my mom, I cried.

• 1:02:15Speaker 01

  Oh, was your mom so happy?

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, a job. She loves it when I get a job.

• 1:02:20Speaker 01

  Of course, but that specifically.

• 1:02:23Speaker 02

  So that's it. That's the story.

• 1:02:24Speaker 01

  Oh, great story.

• 1:02:25Dax Shepard?

  Okay, your stand-up, which I watched, American Boy.

• 1:02:28Speaker 02

  Did you enjoy it, Doc?

• 1:02:29Dax Shepard?

  So much. And I watched it with my whole family and we all fucking loved it.

• 1:02:32Speaker 02

  You can watch it with the family.

• 1:02:34Dax Shepard?

  Well, my family you can.

• 1:02:35Speaker 02

  Kids can watch it.

• 1:02:36Dax Shepard?

  Eleven and twelve, they were fine. No, it wasn't nasty. There was nothing.

• 1:02:39Speaker 02

  No cursing, really.

• 1:02:40Dax Shepard?

  There's some sexual dancing.

• 1:02:41Speaker 02

  A little bit of dance. Can dance now.

• 1:02:43Dax Shepard?

  What did you call it? Not nasty, grimy, filthy?

• 1:02:46Speaker 02

  Don't make me get nasty.

• 1:02:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. I mean, there's so many wonderful things I want to talk about from the stand-up, but also I don't want to ruin any of it, but the whole party scenario was fantastic.

• 1:02:55Speaker 02

  Thank you, man.

• 1:02:56Dax Shepard?

  Let me be clear. It's wonderful. And you're very specific. You're very unique. You know exactly what you are.

• 1:03:03Speaker 02

  Are you sensing a butt coming?

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  I, I, I, I, yeah.

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  But I think it's gonna be a good butt.

• 1:03:09Dax Shepard?

  It is, it is, it is, it is. And I just want to be very clear before I get into my like curiosities that are how the sausage is made.

• 1:03:15Speaker 02

  Right, right, right.

• 1:03:16Dax Shepard?

  Without saying, just straight loved it.

• 1:03:18Speaker 02

  Took me a long time to make it.

• 1:03:20Dax Shepard?

  First of all, just visually, it's kind of a throwback one, which I love. There's just so many stand-up specials now, unlike there was 15 years ago. We didn't have these. So I think to break through that clutter and have something unique to offer is just an enormous accomplishment. It's just very authentic and you're very comfortable and fluid and it's lovely. You talk so much about getting hit.

• 1:03:40Speaker 02

  A bit, yeah.

• 1:03:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, a bit.

• 1:03:43Speaker 01

  Getting hit.

• 1:03:44Dax Shepard?

  Growing up, getting slapped, getting your ear pulled, getting taken into what he calls the Colosseum, the bathroom of the Macy's or where the fuck mom shopping.

• 1:03:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:52Dax Shepard?

  And I love it because A, I grew up that way too.

• 1:03:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:55Dax Shepard?

  Everyone got hit. My grandparents who loved me and raised me, she had a yardstick. She was from Kentucky and she's like, I'm getting a yardstick. And she'd hit you with a three-foot piece of wood.

• 1:04:04Speaker 02

  And never to hurt.

• 1:04:05Dax Shepard?

  I wasn't beat.

• 1:04:06Speaker 02

  Exactly. And that's wrong.

• 1:04:08Dax Shepard?

  Yes. You say it perfectly. You say, I was hit a lot, but never hard.

• 1:04:12Speaker 02

  Exactly. I was never hit hard. I was hit a lot.

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:17Speaker 02

  And that's it.

• 1:04:18Dax Shepard?

  This was my thought. This stand-up routine existed.

• 1:04:23Dax Shepard?

  And then they have the thought, a lot of people were not hit. A lot of people are uncomfortable with this.

• 1:04:28Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:04:29Dax Shepard?

  But this magic trick happened, which is you are introduced by your mother. You come out on stage. We see this impossibly beautiful relationship.

• 1:04:37Speaker 02

  The best.

• 1:04:38Dax Shepard?

  They dance together. It's so beautiful. And I was like, someone figured out, if we start the show this way, we can enjoy all this stuff without being uncomfortable.

• 1:04:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:49Dax Shepard?

  Did that math happen?

• 1:04:50Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:04:50Dax Shepard?

  It didn't. That just organically happened.

• 1:04:52Speaker 02

  I just wanted, yeah.

• 1:04:53Dax Shepard?

  It's an enormous tool.

• 1:04:55Speaker 02

  I didn't even think about that, but for me, the reason I did that is because for a long time, my grades weren't the best and I was never like this exemplary child. And she worked so hard. My mom, as a person, is truly an example. Someone that is moral, that takes care of her family, that is nice to people, that is respectful, gives her time back. She's just a beautiful human being. And she went through a lot of really dark stuff. And she communicated that to me quite a bit. You know, I know this stuff.

• 1:05:28Dax Shepard?

  Anytime.

• 1:05:29Speaker 02

  Anytime, maybe she could. And when you grow up like that, and then something good happens to you and you feel like you've made it. The first thing that has come to my mind all the time, whenever I'm doing an interview or somebody's asking, all I can think of is like, I can't believe that she gets to see this. And having her out, I mean, she's done commercials with me. She's been on Fallon. She's done a lot of stuff. And to me, it's just like, you deserve this thing. If I was a car salesman, I'd buy her a car. I do those types of things. You do whatever you can with what you're doing. So because I'm doing show business.

• 1:06:05Dax Shepard?

  You're bringing her along?

• 1:06:06Speaker 02

  Exactly. And so her introducing me was also perfect because it's like, you should take a look at her and you should see how we are. Because I'm going to talk about her a lot.

• 1:06:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:16Speaker 02

  And so it'd be weird if I'm talking about her and it's like, where is she?

• 1:06:19Speaker 01

  There's no reference.

• 1:06:20Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 1:06:20Dax Shepard?

  And you're worrying, you have this natural fear like, is she cool with him saying this?

• 1:06:24Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 1:06:25Dax Shepard?

  That's what I'm saying, the magic trick, which is uncalculated.

• 1:06:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think about it, you go, who's going to bring you out? We're going to do a voice of God. Is the host going to do it? Who's going to bring you out?

• 1:06:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:32Speaker 02

  I'm like, oh, that's easy. It's like the first thing into my mind. It goes, oh, that's easy. Mom will go out and do it. I know her. I know her personality. I know she's going to come out. She went out like this.

• 1:06:44Speaker 04

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare.

• 1:06:50Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Scottsdale, Arizona. Monica, with summer ending or heading into fall, I've been researching a nice, quick getaway location, and I keep coming back to Scottsdale, Arizona.

• 1:07:01Speaker 01

  Ooh, Scottsdale's good. What's drawing you to it?

• 1:07:03Dax Shepard?

  Well, first of all, I have this wonderful memory of going there as a kid when I'd go see my stepdad when he was working out there. The weather is perfect in fall. Warm, sunny, no humidity. And you can really do whatever you want with your time there. I want to do a sunrise hike through the Sonoran Desert, be surrounded by Saguaro, and then at the same afternoon, just completely melt into a spa treatment at one of their luxury resorts.

• 1:07:28Speaker 01

  Oh, that sounds amazing. I want to do that. Also, I was there visiting my brother once, and I loved Old Town Scottsdale. It's so walkable. They have galleries and cute little restaurants and shops. The food scene alone is worth the trip.

• 1:07:42Dax Shepard?

  What I keep reading is that it's luxurious, but not stuffy. There's no pressure to do it a certain way. You can explore public art, check out the architecture, go off-roading in the desert, or just sit and watch a sunset.

• 1:07:54Speaker 01

  It really is the perfect fall reset.

• 1:07:56Dax Shepard?

  Learn more about all Scottsdale has to offer at unwindinscottsdale.com. We get support from Superhuman. Look, I love what I do. The conversations, the ideas, the creative stuff. But there's this whole other layer of work that eats my day alive. The inbox that never ends. Docs I need to get through, threads I'm behind on. And by the time I've dealt with all that, the stuff I actually want to focus on gets whatever's left. What I needed was something that just works where I'm already working. Not another tab to open, not another thing to set up. Superhuman Go, from the makers of Grammarly, is different. It's already right there, inside your email, your docs, your browser. You don't go to it. It's already working alongside you.

• 1:08:40Dax Shepard?

  You're deep in a long thread, highlight it, and it pulls the key points. About to send something important? It flags what doesn't add up before it leaves your hands. It knows your style, your workflows, and it just backs you up without getting in the way. A thought partner that's already up to speed, at your service, not after your job. So do yourself a favor and try Superhuman Go from the makers of Grammarly. Find out more at superhuman.com.

• 1:09:07Dax Shepard?

  We are supported by Walden University. You know that feeling when you've been thinking about making a move, going after the degree, the promotion, the thing you keep telling yourself you'll get to someday? Walden University is built for that moment. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working professionals get the W, the knowledge, the skills, and the confidence to create real change in their careers and communities. Their programs are designed around your life, not the other way around. With Tempo Learning, available in select programs, there are no rigid schedules or set weekly deadlines. You move at your own pace. And Walden's faculty aren't just academics. They're practitioners who bring real-world experience into everything they teach.

• 1:09:50Dax Shepard?

  From your first class to career coaching and beyond, Walden is your partner the whole way. Take the first step and learn at a pace that works for you. Visit waldenu.edu. Walden University. Set a course for change. Certified to operate by CHEV. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you've thought about trying therapy with our long-term partner, BetterHelp, insurance options may now be available nationwide with an average copay for eligible members of just $23 per session. October 10th is World Mental Health Day, but you don't need a day on the calendar to give yourself permission to talk to someone. I've been in therapy for a long time, and the stuff rattling around in my head always just quiets down the second I say it out loud.

• 1:10:34Dax Shepard?

  And it doesn't have to be some big life crisis. Maybe it's a work thing that's taking up too much space, or hard relationship moment, or just a feeling that something's off. That's enough. That's worth talking about.

• 1:10:45Speaker 01

  You know, I love therapy more than anything. Gets me through. Often I'll want to cancel because I'm like, I don't really have anything to talk about. And then I'll go and I have some major revelation.

• 1:10:56Dax Shepard?

  You know, I was just talking to a friend who has just started it. And I said, one of the most powerful elements of it is just hearing yourself say out loud the thing that's been ruminating in your head and how different it sounds once it's out into the world. You gain perspective immediately just by hearing yourself say it.

• 1:11:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, you do.

• 1:11:12Dax Shepard?

  If you've been waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with more than 120 Five health plan networks and eligible members have an average copay of just $23 per session with insurance. Don't have insurance or live outside the US? You can still get 10% off your first month. Do yourself a favor and just try it. Future you will be grateful. Visit betterhelp.com slash DAX to explore your payment options. That's better H E L P dot com slash DAX.

• 1:11:46Speaker 02

  You know, when you go sleep at a friend's house and they drop you back off and your mom comes out and she goes, hi, good to see you. Thank you. Thank you for bringing him back. And then the mom of your friend goes, he's a great kid. My mom is the mom where they go, he's a fantastic kid. And she goes, mm hmm. Yeah, I'm sure. Come in the house. Like that was the energy always was like, I know him. Exactly. And I always had the thing of like, I know every football player's name. I know every baseball player's name. I know every soccer player's name, but I didn't know my times tables. I did bad in math. And so she always had that thing where you go out to dinner and we're with like another couple or something. I'm talking

• 1:12:27Speaker 02

  to the the husband and I'm like, oh my God, yeah. I mean, Jake Delome in Carolina, what he's doing with that program is unbelievable. I mean, he's really playing well over there. And you know, Nazir Muhammad and you know, Steve Smith. I mean, they're just a great wide receiver corps. And it's unbelievable the way that they're able to make both of them happy when they have such talent. And I'm bringing up all this stuff. I'm like Brian Urlacher is just a leader of men. And I'm talking like that at 12 13. And then at some point she goes, you know all of that about seven times nine. And I'm like, okay, you know, so that was kind of the vibe with her. And I got a detention all the time. And she worked all day. So if I got detention, I missed the bus home. She was like, I'm picking you up at eight o'clock at night. Yeah, that's just what it is.

• 1:13:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, you made your bed. Many a time, a stress that this woman that has been through so much did not need. She shouldn't be worried about my grades. I have nothing to worry about. I have a home. I have food. I have water. There's no reason I should be getting bad grades or putting her through. The dean of my school calling her, telling her that I cheated on a test, or that I started a riot, or whatever the stuff, stupid stuff. I did start one riot, but I never got in trouble for it. A lot of people know, but it's okay. It was a riot, like, but we put it in a contained space. And I always felt like, damn dude, like I stressed this woman out so much for so much time, and now I get to do the opposite. I give her good experiences. I talk about her

• 1:13:52Speaker 02

  fondly. I want to do the opposite now. We had a lady that my mom hired, this woman that was back then an illegal immigrant. There's nothing you can do about it. Now she's a citizen. But she lived in my house and my mom traveled a lot for work, so someone had to stay with us. And I remember vividly like those nights when I'm being a psychopath and this woman has to call my mom, who's in Belgium, working her ass off so her kids can go to school and everything can be fine. We can live the life that she wants us to live. And she's like, your son is being very difficult. He won't drink the milk. And she's like, when I get back, you know, I had a lot of those.

• 1:14:33Dax Shepard?

  Tell him to enjoy his ears because I'm twisting them off the second.

• 1:14:36Speaker 02

  So many of those.

• 1:14:37Speaker 01

  But listen, if you weren't that kid, you wouldn't be this person. You wouldn't be this person on stage. You wouldn't be someone at SNL. Like, it's all one thing.

• 1:14:47Speaker 02

  I was telling my boy the other day, because my boy, Santi, he's a star. He went to Brown.

• 1:14:52Dax Shepard?

  He's a stud.

• 1:14:53Speaker 02

  Water polo player, division one, player of the year. Okay. He's on a different level. Played for the Peruvian national team, for real. I trained one time with my national team, and it's Dominican Republic. He played for Peru, you understand? He was a savage. He's incredible. He won state championships. He was an unbelievable player. Stanford was recruiting, and his mom was always so nice to him. His mom would pack his bags. He goes, I'm going on a trip, she'll pack the bag. This kid, he came to LA, he didn't bring pants. He brought one pair of pants. The pants just got here today via FedEx. You understand? That he's a star.

• 1:15:29Dax Shepard?

  And he's almost thirty, right?

• 1:15:30Speaker 02

  And he's almost thirty. And he's my best friend. And I know my mom was always like, it's there. He had perfect grades. He's studying. He's doing all his homework. I'm not studying. I'm showing up late. I'm doing the whole thing wrong. And he's doing everything great. And then I realized, I'm like, the reason that my mom never packed my bags, or didn't do random acts of kindness for me, is because I didn't deserve. It's like you have to deserve it. And that's something that's lost in today's America. You have to earn it. You have to deserve it. And looking back, when I was like, damn, bro, you tell your mom you're hungry and something appears. I think that's unbelievable. My mom doesn't. And it's like, it's not because my mom is weird.

• 1:16:09Dax Shepard?

  Or he says he's hungry. She says, what are you in the mood for?

• 1:16:11Speaker 02

  Stuff like that.

• 1:16:12Dax Shepard?

  Can you imagine? There's options.

• 1:16:13Speaker 02

  There's snacks. I mean, there's a different energy when you are a star. And if I was a star when I was a kid.

• 1:16:19Dax Shepard?

  You would have been treated like one.

• 1:16:20Speaker 02

  I would have been treated like one.

• 1:16:21Dax Shepard?

  That's a good point.

• 1:16:21Speaker 02

  So if you're a kid out there. You're not being treated like a star.

• 1:16:26Dax Shepard?

  You're getting what you deserve.

• 1:16:27Speaker 02

  There's a reason. Oh, my God. Now I understand it. Every time I've sip this tea, it's at the perfect temperature. And it doesn't get cold. And I go, what's going on here?

• 1:16:36Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:16:36Dax Shepard?

  What kind of voodoo?

• 1:16:38Speaker 02

  The coaster.

• 1:16:39Dax Shepard?

  Well, you can take it off. The coaster charges the battery within the cup and then you can keep that cup anywhere.

• 1:16:45Speaker 02

  Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Max Shepard.

• 1:16:47Dax Shepard?

  Isn't that great?

• 1:16:48Speaker 01

  It's high quality here.

• 1:16:49Speaker 02

  There's a level in Hollywood that you get to. Yeah. That is unbelievable. This is what I'm talking about.

• 1:16:57Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:16:58Speaker 02

  I'm sorry.

• 1:16:59Dax Shepard?

  No, just.

• 1:16:59Speaker 02

  You were saying.

• 1:17:00Dax Shepard?

  I'm of two minds because what's funny is now I'm in the different category, which is now I have money and I'm raising kids and I have money and I have privilege and all these things. And yeah, I'm not hitting my kids and I'm talking with them. I have the time and patience and I'm not stressed.

• 1:17:13Speaker 02

  It's a different thing.

• 1:17:14Dax Shepard?

  And I'm with that and I value the shit out of how I grew up.

• 1:17:17Speaker 02

  And also I think it's important to say that there's a way to hit them without hitting them.

• 1:17:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure.

• 1:17:23Speaker 01

  Without anger.

• 1:17:23Speaker 02

  My mom didn't hit me my whole life. There was a specific couple of years. It wasn't this long term thing. Parents don't like it. It gets weird.

• 1:17:32Speaker 01

  No, I know. Yeah.

• 1:17:32Speaker 02

  It gets weird.

• 1:17:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:33Speaker 02

  Especially when you're fast. Once the kid gets fast.

• 1:17:36Speaker 01

  And starts running away.

• 1:17:38Speaker 02

  You don't want your kid to run away. It's a metaphor. I never was like, I have a bruise. That's so wrong and bad. It's always the fact that it got physical in any way, any tiny way. It's like, it's a different thing. One time, and I don't talk about this on the special, but one time I was on my mom's computer in her office. And she thought I was playing on the computer. I was doing my homework. I might have been playing, but I switched it up at the right time. And when she came in, she goes, what are you doing on my computer? And I go, look. And she looks, she sees it and she goes, mm hmm, okay. She walks away. And I go, yeah, that's right.

• 1:18:19Speaker 01

  Uh uh.

• 1:18:20Speaker 02

  Let's just say she tickled me in a way.

• 1:18:24Dax Shepard?

  I haven't yet forgotten.

• 1:18:26Speaker 02

  But those are important moments to have as a kid because I am a thank you, please stickler. And I'm so proud of that. My stepdad is a very generous man. My stepdad is always the extra tip. What's your name?

• 1:18:39Dax Shepard?

  He gives respect to people.

• 1:18:41Speaker 02

  He give respect. And I think that those are things that you want to do for the kid because then they get proud of it. I'm proud of it. I tell my friends, if you're hanging out with me and you don't say, please, I go, come on with the.

• 1:18:52Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:18:53Speaker 02

  I find it fun.

• 1:18:54Dax Shepard?

  Me too.

• 1:18:55Speaker 02

  That's why I'm excited to have kids. I cannot wait to go, are you out of your mind? I think that's fun. Remember when you were little and you would see a teacher and she would go, if you can hear me clap once. And everybody goes, I saw that and I go, that's fun to control, to have the power. It's fun. I kind of wanted to be a teacher, to be like, you're mine, whatever I say, I do. And I think that's part of the stand up thing. It's like, I want these people to listen to me.

• 1:19:18Dax Shepard?

  Of course.

• 1:19:19Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:19:20Speaker 01

  You have control of the scenario.

• 1:19:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I like that.

• 1:19:23Dax Shepard?

  But what's happening in this subtext, what's fun about is it caused a lot of conversation post watching it. Where I was like, you know, the thing I think is being somewhat poked at here, not explicitly again, but I look at Anna. And this girl's on a Zoom call with her entire family, like 30 members of her family. And they party over Zoom. It's the cutest thing in the world. And there are some are in Spain, some are here. The closeness, the emotions that are on display, all of it to say is like, there is this elite problem in this country. And we'll call it white in general, but that's too generic. That it's some percentage of this white world.

• 1:20:00Speaker 02

  White people come in every color. You don't have to be white to be white.

• 1:20:04Speaker 01

  I get what you mean.

• 1:20:05Speaker 02

  In some ways, obviously you can't change your skin tone. And I have a lot of white friends. I want to say that.

• 1:20:11Speaker 01

  I haven't seen any, but that's fine.

• 1:20:12Dax Shepard?

  I'll believe it when I see it.

• 1:20:13Speaker 02

  Some of my best friends.

• 1:20:14Dax Shepard?

  But I think there is an issue in this country and it's infecting politics and it's infecting how people are voting and it's really this elitism that is a problem. It's these fucking like six generation people and they know everything and science proved it and academia proven and this is how you raise your kids and this is how you do everything. It's like, okay, well, what's the result of that? Sometimes it's really good, but of all the people that you're saying are raising their kids wrong, why is it that at every fucking Christmas, all 40 of them are there and no one wants to be with their parents? There is no extended family. Like, what are the results of all this? Whether you're saying it explicitly or not, it's very there and it was hitting me.

• 1:20:48Speaker 02

  I think a big thing is, uh, it's important in my mind, not that I know anything about having kids, but I think it's important for you to show the kids that when they do wrong, it affects you. For me, over my life, whenever I did something bad or wrong, my mom was never okay. It was never fine. It was never like, ah, it happens. And I think that's a big problem. It shouldn't be okay. It's okay for it to not be okay. And to the extent that you want to do it is up to you, to your family. But I do think it's really, really important to show the kids that when you do something

• 1:21:29Speaker 02

  bad or wrong, it affects you, it hurts you, it doesn't make you feel good.

• 1:21:35Dax Shepard?

  You're not an island, you're affecting everyone around you. She wants you to be responsible for what you're doing in the world. The outcome is yours.

• 1:21:41Speaker 02

  I wrote it a thousand times on a paper. I will be responsible for my actions. My stepdad, we used to do lines. You're gonna do lines.

• 1:21:50Dax Shepard?

  Time to do lines.

• 1:21:51Speaker 02

  I would do lines. I will be responsible for my actions. I probably did that specific sentence on like three or four occasions on like a million pages.

• 1:21:59Speaker 01

  Now, has that backfired at all? Do you think you're too much of a people pleaser?

• 1:22:04Speaker 02

  Perhaps, but also I am a big accountability guy.

• 1:22:07Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:22:08Speaker 02

  I am a big, that was bad, I did a bad thing and I was wrong and I'm wrong. I'm proud of that.

• 1:22:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:13Dax Shepard?

  And then you get very, very, with a loose grip, you get into immigration in this very wonderful way.

• 1:22:21Speaker 02

  Thank you. I deal with meal.

• 1:22:23Dax Shepard?

  I can't say, cause I don't want to give away kind of the any, but I just love the movies.

• 1:22:26Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 1:22:27Dax Shepard?

  It's so fucking good. Cause yeah, when white people get weird, I think Chris Rock had a joke about it. Some black comedian had a joke about that. He's like getting in an elevator with a white guy. He might be tiny and stuff, but he might also eat people. Like the fear you have.

• 1:22:38Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 1:22:39Dax Shepard?

  It's like, does this dude eat people?

• 1:22:40Speaker 02

  White people are curious. They're curious.

• 1:22:43Dax Shepard?

  Some of us are fucking kinky, huh?

• 1:22:45Speaker 02

  There is. And to me, it was just like, dude.

• 1:22:50Speaker 02

  I never was like a kid that was worried about politics. My parents never let me go there. My parents always made me think about what's in front of you. It's your day to day. That's kind of our passion. What are you working on? How are you making money? How are you surviving? And that stays my main focus. I really don't get into it.

• 1:23:08Dax Shepard?

  Again, not to be dismissive, but it's like a luxury to be worrying about all this other shit that's outside of your entire world.

• 1:23:14Speaker 02

  I said this one time because I always thought about my dad and about my mom and about how they reacted to my problems. I don't know if I came up with this or someone helped me come up with it, but it helped me understand them and accept them in a beautiful way. I've said it to myself a million times and it is this, you cannot expect from a person that comes from extreme circumstances, a moderate response.

• 1:23:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:42Speaker 02

  You cannot expect a moderate response from someone that comes from something extreme. It's not that they can't do it. It's that you can't expect it.

• 1:23:53Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:23:53Speaker 02

  So anybody in the world that says something crazy, the Trumps of the world. And on the other side, you know, the people that are going hard, everybody's going hard. When I hear something that is striking from anybody, from either side, I immediately go, they probably come from an extreme thing. And that's why they're saying extreme stuff.

• 1:24:13Speaker 01

  That's generous.

• 1:24:14Speaker 02

  Saying it's generous, it's like, I'm doing it for them?

• 1:24:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:17Speaker 02

  No, I'm doing it for me.

• 1:24:18Speaker 01

  Yes. No, I know.

• 1:24:19Speaker 02

  I say that so that I can calm down.

• 1:24:21Speaker 01

  Exactly. So it doesn't make you outraged?

• 1:24:23Speaker 02

  I don't expect you to be moderate. I don't expect you to be this perfectly eloquent or well mannered or politically correct person. Cause I know where you come from. Yeah.

• 1:24:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, this was my defensive T I got in trouble and I don't like what he said. He's like, you're gonna go to the doctor and make sure his daughter's hymen's intact. And this was a huge uproar. And I was like, yeah, that's rough. I don't think that should happen.

• 1:24:43Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:24:44Dax Shepard?

  But you're also talking about a guy whose mother was a prostitute and was supporting the family at nine years old. So guess what? He may have come up about fifty five fucking levels. And you came up point five from this great house and then you're in judgment of that guy. Kind of fuck you.

• 1:24:58Speaker 02

  I'm not about judgment. It's not healthy.

• 1:25:00Dax Shepard?

  And to your point, there's this great book, The Body Keeps the Score. Maybe you've heard about that book. But this doctor's work starts because he's working when he's young in the VA hospital. And he's watching these vets come in and they're getting confronted with something that's just a little difficult. Like it's paperwork and he's watching people have this insane flight or fight reaction. Full hundred and eighty heartbeat per minute unraveling. And he goes, man, something's going on. That's like a crazy reaction from my point of view to that. So why is that happening? It's like, well, fuck, you just left Vietnam. You're heightened and you're gonna stay heightened.

• 1:25:36Speaker 02

  To be chill.

• 1:25:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:38Speaker 02

  My stepdad, the same thing. My stepdad went through everything he went through. So when I was younger, I was like, damn, this guy's like uptight. This guy's high strung.

• 1:25:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:46Speaker 02

  What's going on with this guy? And my mom's high strung.

• 1:25:47Dax Shepard?

  This guy runs hot.

• 1:25:48Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? What the heck? And my dad says crazy stuff. I'm like, what the heck is up with these people? And then I get a little bit older and I think about that. And it calmed me down. Soon as I started thinking about that, about not expecting it. And then I apply that to everyone I meet and then I get to be calm. I affect myself. I think crazy stuff and then I go, damn. But when other people do it, I go, ah, you come from a thing.

• 1:26:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:26:13Dax Shepard?

  Okay, this is my last question and it's because I'm newly obsessed with her through my daughter. Thank God. I went and saw Sabrina Carpenter a month ago with my daughter. I just love her. Monica's been making fun of me. I think Short and Sweet came out like a month ago and I'm just obsessed with the albums.

• 1:26:28Speaker 01

  You know, it's been out for.

• 1:26:30Speaker 02

  I think she did another one.

• 1:26:31Dax Shepard?

  No way.

• 1:26:32Speaker 01

  There's another one since then, actually, out.

• 1:26:34Dax Shepard?

  So you're pals with her. Are you pals?

• 1:26:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, I would say we're pals for sure.

• 1:26:37Dax Shepard?

  You're pals. How did that start?

• 1:26:39Speaker 02

  The Domingo thing. I don't know if there was something before the Domingo thing. I don't know if she was on the show or if we did something. But the Domingo thing was big.

• 1:26:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:49Speaker 02

  And she was all about it and it was so cool and it felt for me like. I was on that plane to LA after SNL. It was on a Sunday after SNL, so it feels very Hollywood. And the writers, of course, I'll shout out the writers too, because I love to shout out the writers. Kiro Sullivan, Jimmy Fauley, Sooty Green, and Ali Levitan. And they all came with me. From New York to LA, to the Forum. Now, to fourteen, fifteen thousand people. Were thinking about what I'm gonna say, what the bit's gonna be. It's so fun. And my best friend Santi came, and his girlfriend came too. Now his fiancee, congratulations to Santi. Of course, a guy like that gets married.

• 1:27:27Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 1:27:28Speaker 02

  A guy like that has to get married. But it was insane. It felt old school in the sense that like a character from a TV show, you wanna see them in another place.

• 1:27:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:37Speaker 02

  Truly a unreal experience. And Sabrina's really down to clown. She's down to think of something funny. She's an actress, obviously.

• 1:27:44Dax Shepard?

  That's why I've become obsessed with her, because she was hosting SNL. And of course, my daughters are so excited, so I watch it with her. I'm like, my god, she's fantastic. And then while we're watching the episode, I'm now Wikipedia-ing her. I'm like, oh, right, she was an actor on Disney forever. She was an actor before she was a singer. Of course, she's great. Like, I'm having all these realizations.

• 1:27:58Speaker 02

  And they're so good, the young actors, Sabrina, Ariana.

• 1:28:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:03Speaker 02

  They can do it all. Keenan.

• 1:28:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:05Speaker 02

  Watching them at a cold read, they're great, because they've been doing it for so long.

• 1:28:11Dax Shepard?

  Now, if I'm you, again, and I'm twenty-eight, I'm gonna try to date her with all my might. Are you not trying your hardest to marry her?

• 1:28:20Speaker 02

  I'm in a relationship with a Dominican girl. She's an architect.

• 1:28:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 1:28:23Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:28:24Dax Shepard?

  An architect.

• 1:28:24Speaker 02

  She's unreal, she went to Yale.

• 1:28:26Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 1:28:26Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:28:27Dax Shepard?

  All right.

• 1:28:28Speaker 02

  But Sabrina's awesome. And she's really funny and cool.

• 1:28:33Speaker 02

  She's great.

• 1:28:34Dax Shepard?

  Marcelo, I really like you. You're adorable.

• 1:28:37Speaker 02

  I think this is my first one.

• 1:28:38Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 1:28:39Dax Shepard?

  I feel very honored.

• 1:28:40Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 1:28:41Speaker 02

  My first one since everything happened.

• 1:28:43Speaker 01

  We're gonna count it, we're gonna say first one.

• 1:28:44Dax Shepard?

  It's her first.

• 1:28:44Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:28:45Dax Shepard?

  Uh, American Boy is on Netflix.

• 1:28:48Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:28:48Dax Shepard?

  Please watch it, it's hysterical. Also, I'm so excited to learn that you're, also, you did a movie with Kevin Hart. You're doing it right now, Seventy-Two Hours?

• 1:28:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, we filmed it already, it'll be out in July.

• 1:28:57Dax Shepard?

  Is that a nod to Forty-Eight Hours? Is it a similar concept?

• 1:29:00Speaker 02

  No, it's more in the world of, it's a bro Bachelor.

• 1:29:03Dax Shepard?

  Party. Okay, okay. I wish we could combine those words somehow. Bro Patcher. Broachler, broachler party? We'll get there. We'll work on it before the film comes out.

• 1:29:13Speaker 02

  Bachelor is a little bit formal for what happens at those.

• 1:29:15Speaker 01

  That's right. That is correct.

• 1:29:17Dax Shepard?

  It's like your nephew speaking English.

• 1:29:20Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 1:29:21Dax Shepard?

  Okay, this was delightful. Thank you for the gift.

• 1:29:23Speaker 02

  Dude, are you crazy?

• 1:29:24Dax Shepard?

  Everyone watch American Boy.

• 1:29:26Speaker 01

  I'm so excited.

• 1:29:27Speaker 02

  Went to Marshalls, bro. Old school.

• 1:29:29Dax Shepard?

  I have a very strong feeling we'll do this many times.

• 1:29:32Speaker 02

  I hope so, dude. This is fun. I like this. Thank you.

• 1:29:34Dax Shepard?

  Be good.

• 1:29:36Dax Shepard?

  I sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out when my mom, Mrs. Monica, comes in and tells us what was wrong. I have so much to report.

• 1:29:46Speaker 01

  Let's hear it.

• 1:29:47Dax Shepard?

  Well, I went home to Detroit, Michigan. Cute sweatshirt.

• 1:29:52Speaker 01

  Thank you. This is our thousandth, one of our thousandth episode merch items. It is really cute. I love it. I'll show the back.

• 1:30:00Dax Shepard?

  Okay, yeah.

• 1:30:00Speaker 01

  Cause the back is important.

• 1:30:02Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that's super cute. I hadn't even seen that cherry with a bazillion names inside the cherries. That's great. Your cascading hair did block a good deal of it, but I think that enhances the

• 1:30:16Speaker 01

  The mystery?

• 1:30:17Dax Shepard?

  thrill of trying to see it.

• 1:30:18Speaker 01

  All of our guest names are in there. That's cool.

• 1:30:21Dax Shepard?

  So I went home on a Wednesday and it was, uh, when I landed, it was just, we just landed on ice and snow.

• 1:30:30Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:30:31Dax Shepard?

  And it looked like Fargo out the window. Ton of snow.

• 1:30:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:30:35Dax Shepard?

  And, you know, I traveled light. I had a backpack and a roll on. Get in the car with my friend Jonathan.

• 1:30:41Speaker 01

  Oh, I love Pony. Shout out.

• 1:30:44Dax Shepard?

  He's so young. I keep forgetting how young he is. He's younger than you.

• 1:30:47Speaker 01

  Barely. He's not that.

• 1:30:49Dax Shepard?

  Thirty-five.

• 1:30:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's not.

• 1:30:51Dax Shepard?

  Pretty young. He's like.

• 1:30:53Speaker 01

  He is a kid and I think another kid on the way.

• 1:30:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he's my boss though, you know? Uh, anyways, uh, get to the hotel at 10:30 PM and I think, huh.

• 1:31:04Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna go to Lafayette Coney Island and get a couple chili dogs, maybe a loose burger and some fries before I hit the hay.

• 1:31:10Speaker 01

  What's a loose burger?

• 1:31:11Dax Shepard?

  It's ground beef on a hot dog bun and then covered in the chili sauce, onions and a mustard.

• 1:31:17Speaker 01

  Okay, and tell me how that's different than the Coney.

• 1:31:20Dax Shepard?

  The Coney has a hot dog in it with the chili.

• 1:31:22Speaker 01

  Oh, it's just without the hot dog?

• 1:31:24Dax Shepard?

  And ground beef. Called a loose burger. Imagine that the burger's not a patty, it's loose.

• 1:31:29Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:31:30Dax Shepard?

  But it's on a hot dog bun. It's very fun.

• 1:31:31Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:31:32Dax Shepard?

  That's what my mom always gets. My mom doesn't fuck with hot dogs.

• 1:31:34Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:31:35Dax Shepard?

  Doesn't trust them.

• 1:31:36Speaker 01

  Now, does the Coney sauce also have beef?

• 1:31:39Dax Shepard?

  Ground beef, yeah, yeah, yeah. Beef on beef on beef.

• 1:31:41Speaker 01

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 1:31:42Dax Shepard?

  Which is always the goal.

• 1:31:43Speaker 01

  I just wanted to get it straight.

• 1:31:43Dax Shepard?

  And also, like, I had sent my brother and sister and mom a picture and they were, someone pointed out, like, you know, people really rage, but you're not supposed to put ketchup on them.

• 1:31:52Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:31:53Dax Shepard?

  Which makes no sense, because you put ketchup on everything that ground beef's in. You know, like a hamburger.

• 1:31:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, but the Coney, the chili sauce.

• 1:32:02Dax Shepard?

  But then you also put ketchup on a hot dog. No one's freaking about that.

• 1:32:05Speaker 01

  It's the chili that you don't put ketchup on.

• 1:32:08Dax Shepard?

  I know, I, yeah, anyways.

• 1:32:10Speaker 01

  I'm with them on that.

• 1:32:11Dax Shepard?

  So, as it turns out, I am staying almost directly across the apartment I lived at in Detroit.

• 1:32:17Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah, that's fun.

• 1:32:19Dax Shepard?

  And I'm sure I've told enough stories on here with the vibe was in 94 when I was there. So before I go, I think, okay, I've got to take about 24 bucks and put it in my left pocket without any of the credit cards I need and care about, but I need to put one dummy credit card in there.

• 1:32:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:32:35Dax Shepard?

  So that if I get mugged, I can hand them all that stuff. It'll look like that's my shit. And then I've hidden my, the rest of my money in my normal credit card that I would not want to lose elsewhere on my body.

• 1:32:47Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:32:47Dax Shepard?

  This was standard operating procedure, SOP, when we lived there.

• 1:32:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:32:53Dax Shepard?

  You just, that's what you had to do. So I go through all this work of like getting myself situated to get mugged, right?

• 1:32:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:32:59Dax Shepard?

  And, because unlike in my twenties where I was willing to fight over the money, I'm no longer willing to fight over the money. So I'm just gonna hand it over, right?

• 1:33:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's right.

• 1:33:06Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so also, there's like four inches of fresh powder, so it's so dreamy outside. I'm like, I start walking.

• 1:33:12Speaker 01

  What time is it?

• 1:33:13Dax Shepard?

  Now it's about, uh, 10:45 at night.

• 1:33:16Speaker 01

  Okay, really late.

• 1:33:17Dax Shepard?

  Late. And I walk across the street and I'm directly in front of the apartment on Griswold where there's this little park. And again, I'm like, I'm peeping everywhere. Who's gonna roll up on me? And the first thing I come up to is a very frail, like 60 year old man, white man, walking two pugs in sweaters.

• 1:33:36Speaker 01

  Sure. Not what you expected.

• 1:33:38Dax Shepard?

  And I'm like, this guy would not have lasted 11 minutes out on the street in 1994. He would have been relieved of the dogs in his wallet for sure, if not killed.

• 1:33:51Speaker 01

  Dogs too?

• 1:33:52Dax Shepard?

  I don't know. Who knows? Maybe someone's girlfriend would want a dog. They were cute. They were in sweaters.

• 1:33:56Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:33:57Dax Shepard?

  And as I'm going up to my favorite chili dog place, there's two cars out front just running because it's so cold out. Whoever's eating inside just leaving their car running with the heat on.

• 1:34:05Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:34:06Dax Shepard?

  And then I go inside and I eat and I just sit there watching. There's two cars running. I mean, Monica, this is inconceivable.

• 1:34:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:34:15Dax Shepard?

  Inconceivable.

• 1:34:16Speaker 01

  Places change.

• 1:34:17Dax Shepard?

  They change and I did not see this coming. I couldn't have been happier for the city of Detroit.

• 1:34:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:34:23Dax Shepard?

  And I'm like, I could have fucking kept all my money in my left pocket and I could have held my phone and, and then I, as I'm walking back to the hotel, there's a goddamn Gucci store next to the hotel.

• 1:34:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's.

• 1:34:35Dax Shepard?

  Now my mind is exploding. I'm like, what has happened down here? I mean, this is the ultimate glow up I've ever seen.

• 1:34:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:34:43Dax Shepard?

  Couldn't believe it. Then I get into my room. It's gorgeous. The Chanel Hotel. I'm like, oh my God, there's a gorgeous hotel now in downtown Detroit. So I get back to the room. I don't know what it is 11:30 at night now. I also have a commitment in the morning at 11 a.m., which is totally fine. I'm going to be fine for sleep.

• 1:34:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:35:00Dax Shepard?

  And then I'm hanging in the room for a little bit and then I think of something I want out of my backpack. I go to get my backpack. I don't have my backpack.

• 1:35:10Dax Shepard?

  And I'm like, oh, that's rough. Like I panic on it too. For about 10 minutes, I started thinking like, okay, well I do, you know, I do remember bringing it to that car. Okay. So I was left in that car. Where do we find this guy? The guy already said that the car services were fucking overwhelmed because of the snow and everything else. And they have to get back to the airport. They're going to be whatever. And then I remember I have brought my memoir with me so that I can write in it.

• 1:35:37Speaker 01

  You should.

• 1:35:38Dax Shepard?

  I know, I really probably shouldn't travel with it.

• 1:35:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can't.

• 1:35:41Dax Shepard?

  And then my journal's in there, too.

• 1:35:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:35:43Dax Shepard?

  And I'm like, oh my, I'm so devastated at the thought that, because I have one of the four books I've written in a notebook.

• 1:35:52Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:35:53Dax Shepard?

  And I'm towards the end of that notebook. And I'm like, if I lose ninety handwritten pages, I don't even remember what I covered in that section. I wouldn't, I'm so devastated that I'm like, I don't know that I would resume writing it. I think I would be like, I can't possibly rewrite the ninety pages I lost and blah, blah. So I am really now fucking panicked.

• 1:36:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:36:17Dax Shepard?

  And we get a hold of the driver, but only in as much as the driver says, I'm with somebody.

• 1:36:24Speaker 01

  They're reading a really interesting book in the back of my car.

• 1:36:27Dax Shepard?

  Yes, and then they're going through your journal and they are on the phone with TMZ. And so, I mean, this is fucking bad as it can get for me. And I'm really trying not to panic about it and just stay optimistic. All to say, I do get it back, but I get it back at like 2:45 a.m.

• 1:36:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's late.

• 1:36:47Dax Shepard?

  But I'm so relieved, whatever.

• 1:36:49Speaker 01

  Did you try to like, look and see if it had been tampered with?

• 1:36:53Dax Shepard?

  I didn't. Like, I just, I saw that my memoir was in there in my journal and I was like, okay, I don't care about anything else in the world. I have these two books.

• 1:37:00Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:37:01Dax Shepard?

  You idiot, why don't you scan it? Blah, blah, blah. Why don't you bring it?

• 1:37:04Speaker 01

  I do want you to do.

• 1:37:05Dax Shepard?

  Self abuse.

• 1:37:06Speaker 01

  Sure, I guess I'm piling on, but I do, I do want you to.

• 1:37:10Dax Shepard?

  Victim shaming.

• 1:37:11Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, but I really do need you to like, back up, you know?

• 1:37:14Dax Shepard?

  I know, you can't really back up handwritten stuff.

• 1:37:17Speaker 01

  I, that's why the handwritten thing was, I mean, tough, but you can scan, you can scan and you should scan.

• 1:37:24Dax Shepard?

  And that has been suggested to me many times since this event. And then I imagine myself sitting in front of a fucking copy machine and how many hours that would take. And then I have to go do my real life stuff, which is seemingly unrelenting at this moment.

• 1:37:38Speaker 01

  You have to squeeze in just a couple hours so that this just never happens again.

• 1:37:44Dax Shepard?

  Six hour ordeal, page by page.

• 1:37:47Speaker 01

  It's pretty, if you, there's a scan doc on your phone and you literally just take pictures.

• 1:37:53Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I'll give you twenty five bucks an hour.

• 1:37:55Speaker 01

  I mean, I have a lot going on too, but I'll do it.

• 1:37:57Speaker 05

  Go to like Kinko's. Go to like Kinko's and you got the whole. Two pages at a time.

• 1:38:02Dax Shepard?

  Okay. All right. I guess I'm off to Kinko's.

• 1:38:05Speaker 01

  I think you should do it.

• 1:38:06Dax Shepard?

  I haven't been in a Kinko's in a long time. Speaking of which, I don't even know that they're still around, but I hope they are. I do get about 45 minutes to an hour with Ricardo. We do go out in a Raptor and find some snowy roads and drift for a while, which is its own hilarious thing because you can't imagine how terrified he is as a passenger. If you think I'm bad.

• 1:38:24Speaker 01

  I, I can, I understand why. He's in control of the car as his livelihood.

• 1:38:31Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 1:38:31Speaker 01

  And I totally get that.

• 1:38:32Dax Shepard?

  He was screaming and I was saying to him, Danny, if we crash, we're going really 20 miles an hour. Sure. The back end's all over the place because we're drifting, but we're not flying. I mean, that's just not the nature of it.

• 1:38:44Speaker 01

  Would that have helped you?

• 1:38:45Dax Shepard?

  I was passenger while he did it.

• 1:38:46Speaker 01

  Right, but.

• 1:38:47Dax Shepard?

  And he's not as good at it as me. Now, look, he's a much better driver than me, but I grew up in Detroit driving on snowy roads. He grew up in Australia with no snow.

• 1:38:54Speaker 01

  Right. That's true.

• 1:38:55Dax Shepard?

  So I just think, you know, this isn't a brag. He said it. He's like, I don't like that you're better at this than me. Okay. So it's a brag, I guess, but I just am only, I would have never come up if, if you didn't force me to say like, I was tolerating his.

• 1:39:07Speaker 01

  I'm just asking because you're the one that's like, I, you can't handle being a passenger. So I'm like, would that have alleviated your fear?

• 1:39:14Dax Shepard?

  Well, I had already worked through that because it started with him driving and I'm in the passenger seat. And I'm like, I don't know if he's got it, you know, we might crash into a fire hydrant. We might crash into whatever. And then I was like, and we're going 20 miles an hour and it's got air brakes and we'll be fine.

• 1:39:26Speaker 01

  I have a question. Why do you feel fine when I drive you?

• 1:39:31Dax Shepard?

  I think you're a good driver.

• 1:39:33Speaker 01

  That's nice.

• 1:39:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:34Speaker 01

  But you think people are good drivers that I think you still wouldn't want?

• 1:39:37Dax Shepard?

  You're not driving aggressively.

• 1:39:40Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:39:40Dax Shepard?

  You're driving completely normal. I can handle being in a car. It's if someone's trying to show off and drive fast. I hate it.

• 1:39:48Speaker 01

  Oh, I thought that sometimes I think the opposite if I'm driving you like, oh, he's going to be like mad that I didn't.

• 1:39:54Dax Shepard?

  That you're not driving aggressively enough? No, no, no, no. I prefer, no, I like a nice boring ride if I'm in the, if I don't have the brake pedal in front of you or the steering wheel.

• 1:40:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40:06Speaker 04

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare.

• 1:40:13Dax Shepard?

  We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace and I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective. Running can be freeing and cathartic and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere, whether that's in your office, living room, or even the attic. Plus, they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep

• 1:40:54Dax Shepard?

  you moving. Let yourself run. Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.

• 1:41:07Dax Shepard?

  I mean, I do think you're right, though, that I think a lot of people that are into this also are terrible passengers. They love the control and they understand what the car is supposed to be doing. So when it's not doing the thing it should be doing, I think you're hyper aware of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think to some degree, if you're riding with me in this situation, you just gotta, you surrender the notion, I know what I'm doing. Sure. Right? If you were to come on a racetrack with me, you'd be like, yeah, I guess he knows what to do. I know I would, but I'm not a driver. Like, that's the whole thing. Also, I love that feeling. So that's the, that's the irony. I also love feeling out of control. I love it. This is when like, we went off-roading, Krista and I in Hawaii, and she drove and we were sliding down this hill. I'm like, oh my God, we're gonna go into a fucking tree. But I was just laughing uncontrollably because it

• 1:41:52Dax Shepard?

  does pass that point where I just have no response but to start laughing. So I can enjoy it. Okay. Okay. As long as I don't think death is on the table. So that was great. That was a nice little thing. Host the event. That goes well. I didn't get to hang with Verstappen like I wanted to. I met him. I shook his hand, you know. That's cool. Yeah. Baby steps. Um, do the event, blah, blah, blah. That night, uh, go back to the room, go to sleep. My son picks me up the next morning. And I'm gonna add one more thing that you don't care about. Oh, when I left.

• 1:42:35Dax Shepard?

  When I left Detroit 30 years ago, cars did not, some cars had analog brakes, not all of them, no cars had traction control, no cars had stability track. So what this has done to the driving in Detroit, because we were on crazy snowy roads and everyone's going 50, 60 miles an hour, no problem, because they have all this assistance now. The car like is very good at keeping you when you're starting to slide around, it corrects it.

• 1:43:05Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 1:43:05Dax Shepard?

  So that was like a real adjustment. I'm like, oh, your average knucklehead is now going what would have been insanely fast on these roads in 1994 when I left.

• 1:43:14Speaker 01

  Okay, that means car safety has really increased over time. We like that.

• 1:43:19Dax Shepard?

  Go to Aaron's house and I luckily I had the kind of confidence to say to him, because normally it's like, it's party time, let's go do this and we'll see this person. And I go, dude, if you're up for it, man, I want to re-watch Patriot, which will be the fourth time for me and I think the third or fourth time for him. And I want to sit on the couch and he fucking made a fire and we sat, my son and I sat on that couch, Monica, for nine hours and but we ordered food. It was, I can't tell you what it did to my nervous system.

• 1:43:52Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 1:43:53Dax Shepard?

  To be with my love like that. We spent the week, we watched the entire first season.

• 1:43:58Speaker 01

  I love doing that.

• 1:44:00Dax Shepard?

  And then the next day, we tackled the town a bit. We also, we were hanging out with his son Wade, my grandson, who's so tall and handsome now.

• 1:44:11Speaker 01

  Do like Wade and Groot get along? Cause you know, it's like two grandsons and I don't know if.

• 1:44:22Dax Shepard?

  They haven't met. So I can't really say.

• 1:44:25Speaker 01

  Wow, okay.

• 1:44:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, but we'll try to schedule that.

• 1:44:27Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:44:28Dax Shepard?

  Anyways, we went to Highland House, my favorite breadsticks. And then we did our thing. We went through, we went to my old house, we went to his old house. We went to our old junior high.

• 1:44:38Speaker 01

  Cute.

• 1:44:38Dax Shepard?

  We went and looked at other friends' houses that we missed.

• 1:44:41Speaker 01

  It's true, because you don't go to Michigan a lot. Let's remind people that. Like, it's not like you're going home.

• 1:44:46Dax Shepard?

  Like, once a year.

• 1:44:47Speaker 01

  If I did that, every time I went home, like, drove by old places.

• 1:44:50Dax Shepard?

  And you go to your childhood home.

• 1:44:51Speaker 01

  That's my.

• 1:44:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you stay there.

• 1:44:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, but there are others that were before that. But like, if I did that every time, that's a lot of times.

• 1:44:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:44:59Speaker 01

  But you, um, you don't get to do that very often. That's really nice.

• 1:45:03Dax Shepard?

  Also, we don't recognize shit. The town we grew up in is so fucking nice. Like, anyone who's heard me talk about how blue collar my town was and now went there, they bet he's so full of shit.

• 1:45:12Speaker 01

  Fucking liar.

• 1:45:13Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God, there's so many beautiful houses. The downtown is like so storybook.

• 1:45:17Speaker 01

  Oh, cute.

• 1:45:18Dax Shepard?

  They redid the little Central Park with like very architectural. It's, it's unrecognizable.

• 1:45:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:45:22Dax Shepard?

  But it's adorable.

• 1:45:24Speaker 01

  Okay, so while you've been talking.

• 1:45:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:27Speaker 01

  I, for a while.

• 1:45:28Dax Shepard?

  Picking things off your body.

• 1:45:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've been picking off all my fingernails.

• 1:45:32Dax Shepard?

  Okay, your Lee Press-on nails?

• 1:45:34Speaker 01

  My gel nails.

• 1:45:35Dax Shepard?

  Uh.

• 1:45:36Speaker 01

  Um, and I've made a little collection.

• 1:45:39Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:45:40Speaker 01

  Here.

• 1:45:41Dax Shepard?

  Cute little collection.

• 1:45:42Speaker 01

  And I'm gonna put it right here, so people can see it if they want.

• 1:45:46Dax Shepard?

  Oh, great.

• 1:45:47Speaker 01

  And see what they think.

• 1:45:49Dax Shepard?

  And I'm pretty confident you'll forget to move those to the trash can.

• 1:45:53Speaker 01

  And it sort of reminds me of the hair wall.

• 1:45:56Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:45:57Speaker 01

  And the hair saga.

• 1:45:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:46:00Speaker 01

  That we talked about. Did anyone comment about hair walls? Have you seen?

• 1:46:05Dax Shepard?

  I haven't.

• 1:46:05Speaker 01

  So you watch The Patriot. I also have Television News. Um, The Pit is back, season two.

• 1:46:13Dax Shepard?

  Ah.

• 1:46:14Speaker 01

  And I got excited, obviously, I was so excited to watch it. And I turn it on, I watch the first episode, ready for the next one. You know, I'm planning on watching like 10.

• 1:46:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, they come out week to week.

• 1:46:26Speaker 01

  I forgot.

• 1:46:27Dax Shepard?

  You forgot.

• 1:46:28Speaker 01

  I forgot they come out week to week and I got so mad.

• 1:46:32Dax Shepard?

  Irrationally upset?

• 1:46:33Speaker 01

  Tantrum.

• 1:46:34Dax Shepard?

  Tantrum.

• 1:46:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:46:35Dax Shepard?

  We love a tantrum.

• 1:46:36Speaker 01

  There are certain things that trigger my tantrums, and as you know, this is one. This happened during Last Dance.

• 1:46:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:43Speaker 01

  Where we thought we had more and then. We didn't. Um, so I just like, I understand it, but I don't like it.

• 1:46:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:55Speaker 01

  I don't like waiting.

• 1:46:56Dax Shepard?

  But it's nice that for the next two months, you have something every week you get to enjoy.

• 1:47:01Speaker 01

  It's just making me agitated. I want to know what other stuff, what other stuff he's gonna say. He's just so hot, you know? He's so hot. He's still so hot. And I have an update too. Okay. Maybe like last year or something. Yeah, probably last year. You said that you were getting into slippers.

• 1:47:25Dax Shepard?

  Oh, funny. I wore slippers the whole time I was at Aaron's.

• 1:47:27Speaker 01

  Okay. So you were getting into slippers and I was like.

• 1:47:30Dax Shepard?

  But it didn't stick. I don't, I don't wear slippers at my house.

• 1:47:33Speaker 01

  Okay. Yeah. I haven't seen you in slippers or anything, but you, you were trying it on. Ding, ding, ding.

• 1:47:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:38Speaker 01

  And I was like, geez, like that's, I don't know why. I think I'm like, that's old.

• 1:47:45Dax Shepard?

  Grandpa.

• 1:47:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's grandpa. Yeah. Um, and after the Golden Globes at the Netflix party, they had slippers there. Which I think they do at some parties.

• 1:47:56Dax Shepard?

  For women in high heels?

• 1:47:57Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's like you can take them off and wear them at the party, which I didn't do.

• 1:48:01Dax Shepard?

  Great idea.

• 1:48:02Speaker 01

  Great idea. But then you have like, hold your shoes and stuff.

• 1:48:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:05Speaker 01

  Cause you, as we talked about, your purse is too small to hold your shoes.

• 1:48:08Dax Shepard?

  It's not even, it's ceremonial, the purse.

• 1:48:11Speaker 01

  Yeah. So, uh, I did get the slippers. I didn't wear them that day, but I was like, I'm taking my souvenir. So I got my slippers and then they just sat in the room for a minute. I didn't, I wasn't thinking about it. And I just put my little feet in there just to see. And I've been wearing them so much.

• 1:48:30Dax Shepard?

  You love them.

• 1:48:32Speaker 01

  I love them.

• 1:48:33Dax Shepard?

  You're a Grammy.

• 1:48:34Speaker 01

  Yes. And it actually, because I really don't like getting out of bed in the morning. I'm not a morning person. I. I've gotten myself out of bed a couple of times thinking, oh, I get to put my feet in those slippers.

• 1:48:48Dax Shepard?

  You're eventizing your wake up.

• 1:48:50Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:48:50Dax Shepard?

  And smart.

• 1:48:51Speaker 01

  And I can wear my slippers to go make my tea.

• 1:48:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:54Speaker 01

  And it's changed everything.

• 1:48:56Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wonderful.

• 1:48:58Speaker 01

  I know, so I.

• 1:48:59Dax Shepard?

  It's an exciting new era for you.

• 1:49:01Speaker 01

  I highly recommend slippers.

• 1:49:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the page, uh, just patriot. I keep saying the patriot, but it's just patriot.

• 1:49:08Speaker 01

  The pit.

• 1:49:09Dax Shepard?

  Pit and slippers.

• 1:49:10Speaker 01

  So it's patriot and the pit.

• 1:49:13Dax Shepard?

  Interesting.

• 1:49:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's where there's confusion.

• 1:49:15Dax Shepard?

  Uh.

• 1:49:16Speaker 01

  A slippers.

• 1:49:17Dax Shepard?

  Just slippers, maybe.

• 1:49:19Speaker 01

  A slippers. And, um, I, I'm really, I think this is a good omen for the year. It's a slipper year.

• 1:49:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, great.

• 1:49:28Speaker 01

  So I'm happy about that.

• 1:49:29Dax Shepard?

  Great.

• 1:49:30Speaker 01

  Um, I also did something fun on Monday with our friends, the Avett brothers.

• 1:49:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah. Are you allowed to say what it is?

• 1:49:40Speaker 01

  I don't know if I'm allowed to say.

• 1:49:42Dax Shepard?

  But you did some acting.

• 1:49:43Speaker 01

  I did some acting.

• 1:49:44Dax Shepard?

  In a Avett brother project.

• 1:49:46Speaker 01

  Yes, that's right. And I had not, as we've, as you've talked about many times, I also haven't acted in, in a really long time.

• 1:49:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:55Speaker 01

  And I had some, some dialogue.

• 1:49:58Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:49:59Speaker 01

  And I was like looking at it and thinking, God, am I going to be able to remember this? Am I going to be able to memorize this? I haven't had to do that in a really long time.

• 1:50:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:11Speaker 01

  I was able to do it.

• 1:50:12Dax Shepard?

  Good.

• 1:50:13Speaker 01

  Thank goodness. But it is funny. It's funny returning back to that. And it, it was a really fun time. And of course, like scene work is so fun.

• 1:50:23Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:50:23Speaker 01

  But yeah, there is a lot of like, there's a lot of.

• 1:50:26Dax Shepard?

  Twiddling your thumbs.

• 1:50:27Speaker 01

  Twiddling and sitting around and waiting. And I just, I'm not used to that mode anymore at all.

• 1:50:35Dax Shepard?

  It's a mindset. The whole time we're here, we're working.

• 1:50:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:50:38Dax Shepard?

  There's no moment we're not working.

• 1:50:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:50:40Dax Shepard?

  Unless we're taking a duty, duty break, which.

• 1:50:43Speaker 01

  If we're taking a duty break, which you just did.

• 1:50:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:45Speaker 01

  If you're doing that, you know, I'm checking email or I'm editing or there's stuff to do. There's always stuff to do. Um, and you can't really, you can do that on some sets if you go to your trailer, but I didn't have one. So I was, and then I did have a room, but it was too cold in there. Cause you know, I get too cold.

• 1:51:02Dax Shepard?

  And you hadn't brought your slippers.

• 1:51:04Speaker 01

  Exactly. And I was also in a very specific outfit, which eventually you guys will see. Do you want me to send you a picture right now?

• 1:51:13Dax Shepard?

  I'd love to see a picture.

• 1:51:15Speaker 01

  Okay. I'm sorry for the audience, but you will eventually see it. But I want to get Dax's reaction on cam.

• 1:51:22Dax Shepard?

  On camera.

• 1:51:25Dax Shepard?

  Oh. My heavens.

• 1:51:30Speaker 01

  Rob.

• 1:51:31Dax Shepard?

  I mean, the outfit's one thing, but the hair.

• 1:51:34Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:51:35Dax Shepard?

  How many days did it take them to get your hair to look like that?

• 1:51:38Speaker 01

  Uh, okay. I mean, they did it quite, they did.

• 1:51:41Dax Shepard?

  And are you getting married in this thing?

• 1:51:43Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:51:43Dax Shepard?

  Okay. That makes sense.

• 1:51:45Speaker 01

  Um, now.

• 1:51:47Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 1:51:49Speaker 01

  It's really something, huh?

• 1:51:51Dax Shepard?

  Wow.

• 1:51:53Speaker 01

  Did you see it?

• 1:51:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:57Speaker 01

  I also.

• 1:51:58Dax Shepard?

  How long is it you to undo that? Were you in the shower for a year?

• 1:52:02Speaker 01

  So I was starting and I, I kinda said this on the, an interview we just, we just did. Uh, so spoiler, I guess, but, um, I was finding myself like feeling like a real diva. There was so much hairspray in that hair.

• 1:52:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. You probably took a year off your life with all the fumes.

• 1:52:22Speaker 01

  So much hairspray and then continuous, you know, touch ups, touch ups.

• 1:52:28Dax Shepard?

  For 12 hours.

• 1:52:29Speaker 01

  At one point I said, I don't, I don't know if my hair can take any more hairspray. I also knew, I was like, it doesn't need it.

• 1:52:36Dax Shepard?

  It's not changing.

• 1:52:37Speaker 01

  It's, it's.

• 1:52:38Dax Shepard?

  It is what it is. It's a brick.

• 1:52:40Speaker 01

  Uh, and like, and I would accidentally like graze my hair with my hand and it would come off. Yeah.

• 1:52:47Dax Shepard?

  Break off.

• 1:52:48Speaker 01

  Yes. I was like, starting to have like some panic about that. And then same with the makeup because it was like, we're just, you know, a constant powdering and a painting. And I'm like, but I'm not go, I'm not going to be in the scene for a while. So like, we don't need to do this right now, but I can't, I can't really say that, but I know it's true. So then there's some panic, like I don't want that on my face. Um. So it, yeah, it was like, we're so, I'm, I've become a brat. Like, we're used to being in control. Here, we created an environment where we have all the control.

• 1:53:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:27Speaker 01

  And.

• 1:53:28Dax Shepard?

  That's so nice. You kind of forget how nice that is.

• 1:53:30Speaker 01

  I did. I mean, I, I did have a lot of fun and I would definitely like do that again. But I was thinking, man, do I have a great job. I love my job. It's so good. And then we've had like multiple interviews over the past two days, especially yesterday that I was like, oh, man, this is so good. I just am so lucky. So I, you know, and it was so, it was so weird because I obviously came here to do that job. And again, incredible job, great job. But the fact that this other thing popped up that in my opinion is way better is like so wild and amazing.

• 1:54:14Speaker 01

  But I was also proud of myself because I was like, oh, I can like, I can still do this. I can still memorize stuff and I can still, and I think because we have this, because I don't have, my life isn't riding on that being so good so that I can get more jobs. It was like fun and easy and I didn't feel.

• 1:54:34Dax Shepard?

  Zero expectations.

• 1:54:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, there was a couple of times I would like start a mon- this monologue and then I would say, you know, oh, I'm gonna take that back. And then I would, I would never have done that before. I would never have felt comfortable. I would have been so in my head, any little mistake would have made me feel like, oh, my God, like, I'm so bad. Yeah, they're gonna fire me.

• 1:54:56Dax Shepard?

  They're regretting hiring me.

• 1:54:58Speaker 01

  Yes. And I was like, oh, it was just interesting. I just had such a different mindset. That I think makes you better, but of course, you can't get there without it.

• 1:55:08Dax Shepard?

  It's a very mental job.

• 1:55:10Speaker 01

  It is so mental.

• 1:55:11Dax Shepard?

  So much about it's like, what? Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:55:14Speaker 01

  So much so, but there was a really, there's a really cool aspect of this acting job again that people will see that it's so unique and cool.

• 1:55:27Speaker 01

  That doesn't involve me, but just like what part of their whole thing and it's really amazing. But yeah, so, so I just, I was grateful for, for doing it. I was grateful for our job.

• 1:55:41Dax Shepard?

  Those are good. Those are good.

• 1:55:44Speaker 01

  You know, one thing I didn't, I guess this is like a complaint, but I had a tampon in for 13 hours.

• 1:55:53Dax Shepard?

  Oh, toxic shock syndrome.

• 1:55:55Speaker 01

  So then I was kind of panicking about that because as time was passing, I was like, I have this tampon in and I don't want to go take it out because I was in this wedding dress and you know, you're miked up and it's connected to your underwear. So like, that's all the whole, and I was like, I'm just leaving it in.

• 1:56:12Dax Shepard?

  Sure. Well, you're gonna have to roll the dice. My probiotics are working.

• 1:56:17Speaker 01

  Really tired today.

• 1:56:18Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 1:56:20Speaker 01

  So I think I might have.

• 1:56:22Dax Shepard?

  You've taken it out by now, I hope.

• 1:56:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I wrote it in my calendar because I was afraid I was gonna forget, but I took it out and I think I'm okay, but I couldn't wear my Nyxies because it was a white wedding dress.

• 1:56:33Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 1:56:35Speaker 01

  I was like, ugh, brides have to wear, that's a lot.

• 1:56:38Dax Shepard?

  I bet brides are real bummed if they're on their period during their wedding day.

• 1:56:42Speaker 01

  But it happened.

• 1:56:43Dax Shepard?

  You can't, you don't pick it.

• 1:56:45Speaker 01

  Was there anything else? Okay, slippers, the pit. These are the things I write down.

• 1:56:54Speaker 01

  I'm like, oh, oh, oh, facts.

• 1:56:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember those.

• 1:56:58Speaker 01

  Oh my God, I'm.

• 1:56:59Dax Shepard?

  Is this for Marcelo?

• 1:57:00Speaker 01

  Yes, Marcelo.

• 1:57:02Dax Shepard?

  What a joy.

• 1:57:03Speaker 01

  We just loved him. Oh my God, ding, ding, ding. Huge dingles for my first fact. So we played a game, me and you and Marcelo played a game where we said a word and then, because he said, what do you think of when you think, when you hear Randall? And then we all said it.

• 1:57:22Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:57:22Speaker 01

  And then we did it one more time, Lily.

• 1:57:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:57:25Speaker 01

  And I said pond, I said pond and he said frog or something. You said like feminine product.

• 1:57:34Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:57:35Speaker 01

  Feminine hygiene or.

• 1:57:36Dax Shepard?

  Feminine hygiene.

• 1:57:37Speaker 01

  You said something like that and then we were like.

• 1:57:40Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh. You guys were embarrassed for me.

• 1:57:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, it was just like, you're not on the same page.

• 1:57:45Dax Shepard?

  And you thought it showed my age and perversion. There was a lot baked into, yeah.

• 1:57:50Speaker 01

  And then you're like, no, because the smell, like lily, like they want to make fresh smells.

• 1:57:54Dax Shepard?

  Commercials, it feels like lilacs and lilies and.

• 1:57:57Speaker 01

  So then I, so the first fact I looked up was most popular scents for feminine products.

• 1:58:03Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:58:03Speaker 01

  Okay. The most popular scents for feminine products center on fresh, clean florals, rose, jasmine, warm vanilla. I don't, I've never experienced that. Subtle musk and sweet fruits, berries, peach, creating an alluring, soft and comforting aura, often found in best.

• 1:58:23Speaker 01

  God damn it. Bestselling perfume.

• 1:58:27Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you really shit the bed on this one. I was like, I don't know about musk. I don't think anyone's going for musk during that period.

• 1:58:33Speaker 01

  What the?

• 1:58:34Dax Shepard?

  And I said, I need a nice musk douche.

• 1:58:36Speaker 01

  AI doesn't understand feminine products. They think, oh, they think anything that has to do.

• 1:58:41Dax Shepard?

  Well, yeah, feminine hygiene.

• 1:58:43Speaker 01

  I didn't, oh, yeah, but I mean.

• 1:58:46Dax Shepard?

  Hygiene is the operative word.

• 1:58:47Speaker 01

  Fine, let me type that.

• 1:58:48Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I see.

• 1:58:49Speaker 01

  Hygiene products. If it says lily, I'm gonna be so pissed.

• 1:58:53Dax Shepard?

  You might.

• 1:58:55Speaker 01

  No, it doesn't. Okay, in 2024, a popular feminine hygiene scents leaning towards fresh, clean and naturally comforting profiles with light florals, jasmine.

• 1:59:07Dax Shepard?

  I mean, hold on one second. You must admit that lilies is in light florals.

• 1:59:11Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:59:12Dax Shepard?

  Why? What is your argument?

• 1:59:16Speaker 01

  It doesn't.

• 1:59:16Dax Shepard?

  Present your case.

• 1:59:17Speaker 01

  It says like, like florals, jasmine.

• 1:59:20Dax Shepard?

  Full stop.

• 1:59:21Speaker 01

  No, it has, it says it, parentheses, jasmine, peony, rose.

• 1:59:26Dax Shepard?

  Now it's just improv, and though it's like, it's all the, what it associates with.

• 1:59:30Speaker 01

  No, listen, this also says subtle fruits. It also says vanilla and skin scents, musk, amber, sandalwoods.

• 1:59:37Dax Shepard?

  Guys.

• 1:59:37Speaker 01

  I mean, oh, one thing says green tea.

• 1:59:42Dax Shepard?

  It's Lily, right? Lily's was the

• 1:59:45Speaker 01

  Lily.

• 1:59:46Dax Shepard?

  Are there any Lily scented feminine hygiene products on the market? Question mark. Searching for feminine hygiene products with Lily scent? Yes, there are feminine hygiene intimate wash products on the market that feature Lily or Lily of the Valley scent.

• 2:00:01Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:00:02Dax Shepard?

  Often blended with other floral notes. I could read you the brands of them. Uh, Zayaja Lily of the Valley intimate hygiene gel.

• 2:00:10Speaker 01

  Zayaja?

• 2:00:11Dax Shepard?

  W Y U R I R O intimate wash by White Lily. Oh, White Lily. Gyno Cure Lily Women Cleanser. Delicate Flower Intimate Lady Wash.

• 2:00:22Speaker 01

  Okay, so these are all washes.

• 2:00:23Dax Shepard?

  Summers Eves has one. That's the standard. That's the gold standard.

• 2:00:27Speaker 01

  Okay, so those are washes. Okay. Pads and tampons and stuff. Okay, most popular scented pads generally feature light cleaner floral scent.

• 2:00:42Dax Shepard?

  Like Musk, Vanilla, Chocolate, Cocoa.

• 2:00:45Speaker 01

  Lavender and aloe. Lavender, yes, that is something they kind of try to add into all these things. Yeah.

• 2:00:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:00:53Speaker 01

  But not Lily. Oh, Honey Pot. Um, all right, well, I prefer neutral scent. Just saying.

• 2:01:02Dax Shepard?

  I mean, that, well, yeah, I mean, the funny thing is, is like, nothing, like, for us guys, like, there's nothing that can keep us away, you know? You don't need to worry too much.

• 2:01:12Speaker 01

  I thought you were gonna say, like, it's all the, you still smell it.

• 2:01:17Dax Shepard?

  Well, you know, that might also be true, and we don't give a fuck.

• 2:01:20Speaker 01

  Oh, okay, um, did Obama go to

• 2:01:24Dax Shepard?

  Beggars can't be choosers.

• 2:01:25Speaker 01

  Did Obama go to Occidental College? Uh, yeah, he went there, and then he went to Columbia, and then he went to Harvard.

• 2:01:34Dax Shepard?

  This guy was bouncing around like a

• 2:01:35Speaker 01

  Basketball.

• 2:01:36Dax Shepard?

  Like a door to door salesman, pot and pan salesman.

• 2:01:39Speaker 01

  Okay, he said, this was really cute. He said he pulled a Troy Bolton when he was dealing with soccer and like comedy. And I didn't know what that meant, did you?

• 2:01:50Dax Shepard?

  I don't either, no.

• 2:01:51Speaker 01

  Okay, and we wouldn't, you know why? Because he's the protagonist of a high school musical.

• 2:01:56Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay, great.

• 2:01:57Speaker 01

  And that's a great analogy.

• 2:01:58Dax Shepard?

  I thought it was a sports reference, and so I just, as a man, had to act like I knew that player. Like, oh, of course, he's like Bo Jackson.

• 2:02:04Speaker 01

  High School Musical, I guess he was a basketball player.

• 2:02:07Dax Shepard?

  Is that Zac Efron?

• 2:02:07Speaker 01

  That's right. Basketball player, and I assume in the High School Musical. Okay, he said that when he was growing up and they called them, they called parties like hangouts, like Geddes. We thought that was cool, that was new to us.

• 2:02:23Dax Shepard?

  You cannot imagine how many times I have thought since we interviewed him, because I'm going to Miami to shoot. And I'm, I have thought, I'm gonna reach out to Marcel and see, are there any Geddes happening while I'm there? I wanna see the Geddes firsthand.

• 2:02:38Speaker 01

  Do you think he's like still in the scene?

• 2:02:39Dax Shepard?

  No, I don't. That's why I have yet to do it, but I have had the impulse.

• 2:02:44Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 2:02:44Dax Shepard?

  Like, wow, I might have a, an invitation to a Getty through him, and I, you know, I wanna see everything in life, so. This picture is 51 year old rolling into the Getty.

• 2:02:54Speaker 01

  It's just a hangout, though. Then he said, oh, we were making a whole to do about Geddes because we'd never heard of that. And he said, what do they call it now? And I was like, parties, I think, and or.

• 2:03:06Dax Shepard?

  He said.

• 2:03:07Speaker 01

  He said kickbacks. And I was like, no, I've never heard that.

• 2:03:11Dax Shepard?

  That's what you do when you wanna land an account and you pay the purchasing agent some side money.

• 2:03:17Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 2:03:18Dax Shepard?

  That's a kickback.

• 2:03:18Speaker 01

  Exactly. But then I did Google, what does Gen Z call parties? Gen Z doesn't have one single slang word for party, but uses terms like kickback.

• 2:03:29Dax Shepard?

  Oof, uh huh.

• 2:03:30Speaker 01

  Hangout, get together, or rager.

• 2:03:33Dax Shepard?

  Okay, those are standard.

• 2:03:34Speaker 01

  But not kickbacks was in there.

• 2:03:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, I'm saying the others.

• 2:03:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:03:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Ranger's been around forever.

• 2:03:39Speaker 01

  I know.

• 2:03:40Dax Shepard?

  Major Ranger.

• 2:03:41Speaker 01

  For larger events focusing more on vibes, wellness and smaller gatherings like quote, "soft clubbing," quote, "house parties," or quote, "live chill." Ew, live chill is an online hangout.

• 2:03:53Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 2:03:54Speaker 01

  Ew.

• 2:03:55Dax Shepard?

  Although we were just talking about how Anna has online hangouts with her family and those do look really fun.

• 2:04:00Speaker 01

  That's different. That's a family.

• 2:04:02Dax Shepard?

  Hang.

• 2:04:03Speaker 01

  Chit chat.

• 2:04:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:04:05Speaker 01

  I don't think that's a live chill.

• 2:04:07Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:04:09Speaker 01

  Um, all right, that's all.

• 2:04:13Dax Shepard?

  Those are great.

• 2:04:14Speaker 01

  I love him.

• 2:04:14Dax Shepard?

  I love him too.

• 2:04:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:04:16Dax Shepard?

  He's so cute.

• 2:04:17Speaker 01

  He was so funny.

• 2:04:18Dax Shepard?

  I was saying it's, uh, when I left, I was like, I love when people are still hungry. It's so infectious. Like he wa- he said it. I like, I wanna do good.

• 2:04:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:04:28Dax Shepard?

  I love that. When you go do stuff, you should wanna do good. It's a shame that some people lose that.

• 2:04:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:04:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:04:35Speaker 01

  That's really true.

• 2:04:36Dax Shepard?

  All right.

• 2:04:37Speaker 01

  But he's young and vibrant.

• 2:04:39Dax Shepard?

  Cute.

• 2:04:39Speaker 01

  He's on SNL and he's cute.

• 2:04:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:04:41Speaker 01

  He's got that.

• 2:04:42Dax Shepard?

  Paper.

• 2:04:42Speaker 01

  Smart girlfriend.

• 2:04:44Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he sure does. Good work. I love you.

• 2:04:47Speaker 01

  Love you.