Pod Insights Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Mom's Car: Jackie Tohn About this episode On this week’s episode of Mom’s Car, we welcome longtime pal and Nobody Wants This supporting star Jackie Tohn. Jackie, Dax, and Best Friend Aaron Weakley talk through comparisons between the smells of broccoli and feet, being a part of the most streamed comedy of all time, getting hit on at the podiatrist, the story of how Jackie ended up with Dax and Kristen’s dog, invoking Esther Perel to settle a write-in question about sexual intimacy, and the gang try to out-Andrew Dice Clay each other.
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Transcript 11,204 words · 3 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Dax Shepard? Hello and welcome to Mom's Car. Today, one of my friends, Jackie Tone, is on. Jackie is an incredible singer. She's a comedian. She's also a great actor. You would have definitely seen her on Glow. And of course, nobody wants us, but everyone wants us. And everybody wants to hang out with Jackie Tone. What a party she is. Her and Aaron and I, we got it done. Please enjoy Jackie Tone. Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart. Unfortunately, not checking that your sunroof is closed before going through the car wash is not smart. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.
0:43 Dax Shepard? Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North America Insurance Co. and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.
1:09 Dax Shepard? Accept.
1:10 Speaker 01 Oh my God, accept.
1:10 Dax Shepard? All that, look, I jinxed ourselves in a good way. Whoa, here we go. Hang on tight.
1:16 Speaker 01 Kristen's car has never been driven like this. I've been in this car a thousand times. I've never taken that hard a right. I'm gonna accept that right now.
1:23 Dax Shepard? This thing is really more capable than meets the eye. This is a high-performance shitbox.
1:29 Speaker 01 Wow, dude, you popped three AAA batteries in the back of this bitch and she just goes.
1:34 Dax Shepard? She won't stop. Are you in a full electric? No, no.
1:38 Speaker 01 No, I pushed out. Everything scares me. All the fires scared me. Us losing power scared me. Not that you'd be able to get gas any easier if the world ended. I just got a gas car.
1:50 Dax Shepard? When people are getting evacuated from the Palisades, and I was like, well, conceivably, there's not a hotel within 60 miles that has vacancy because everyone's leaving. What are these people that had like 30-mile charge on their car?
2:02 Speaker 01 No, there were multiple people stuck in the Palisades. I saw some news story.
2:06 Dax Shepard? Now that would've been a good time to be Ubering.
2:07 Speaker 01 Thank you. Uber Eats, they were very hungry. But people were like flagging other cars down and they were like, we have an electric car. Can you get us out of here?
2:15 Dax Shepard? Right. Oh, look at this. Fish and chips?
2:18 Speaker 01 Or is it boba meat?
2:19 Dax Shepard? Can I tell you what's already been fun about this? There's a lot of hidden restaurants in our neighborhood.
2:24 Speaker 01 And we only killed two people trying to learn violin.
2:28 Speaker 01 A mother and a daughter.
2:31 Dax Shepard? Of the many people that would be sympathetic to kill, yeah, a couple of people trying to learn violin.
2:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, just some sweet angels with backpacks holding violins.
2:38 Dax Shepard? Cause you're not learning to play the violin to get pussy.
2:40 Speaker 01 No, no, no, that's right.
2:43 Speaker 01 Especially if you're a mother and daughter.
2:45 Dax Shepard? You know, you're not in it for the money, you're in it for the art.
2:48 Speaker 01 This has to be the quickest this person's food would ever get to them. We were 50 feet away from this. Next time I might have to go in. Aaron already got it.
2:57 Dax Shepard? Yeah, he's fucking fast. Look at him.
2:58 Speaker 01 Dude, he's already secured the fucking chicken. Oh my god.
3:02 Dax Shepard? Now we're gonna hand up. Okay, so the system is Aaron picks up and I deliver. Wait, add delivery? Accept. Oh yeah, accept that shit. Oh, we're going to El Pollo Loco. Oh, fuck yeah. That's easy peasy.
3:14 Speaker 01 Am I a good liar?
3:16 Dax Shepard? We made more today already.
3:18 Speaker 01 We're not saying the name of the place we picked up from, right?
3:21 Dax Shepard? Correct.
3:21 Speaker 01 Okay, so I will say out loud that it smells like someone opened their asshole.
3:27 Speaker 01 Into my throat. Into the back, into the back of my throat.
3:33 Dax Shepard? Yeah, someone got stankered.
3:35 Speaker 01 Am I wrong?
3:36 Dax Shepard? No, it stinks. Are you gonna be able to handle it?
3:39 Speaker 01 It smells so bad.
3:46 Dax Shepard? They got the hot shit stir fry. I'm so afraid what's in that order. I'm like, is it fish? My mind goes straight to fish, but maybe there's like some undulate feet in there.
3:56 Speaker 01 I'm gonna vomit. You know what it could be also though? When you cook broccoli, it sort of smells like absolute fart hole.
4:03 Dax Shepard? Fart hole. I don't know how to say this gently, but I forgot to factor in you. I didn't think, like, maybe the food stink will be too much for Jackie. But now that we're here, I'm like, I'm a little nervous. I will though, just to comfort you, that's the worst smelling item we've ever had. Everything else has made us drool. It smelled so good. And we'll just have you put your nose in the El Pollo Loco bag to drown out the other smells. Do you wanna move it to the trunk?
4:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, maybe why don't we move it to this bus that's driving by? Maybe somebody's hungry on the whole.
4:33 Dax Shepard? Move it to a trash can. But we still went to their house and we're like, dude, you didn't want it. We got you some Alboil logo.
4:39 Speaker 01 We did you a favor. I have a fun story. See for leasing information on the right up here?
4:44 Dax Shepard? Uh, yes, yes, yes.
4:45 Speaker 01 So I yelped the other day where to get a car wash. You see those tarps? Oh, that's a car wash. And I was in the area, had an hour to kill. I was like, what the fuck am I gonna do over here? Middle of Hollywood. Yelp tells me that place is a car wash.
4:59 Dax Shepard? It's a great place to get your car.
5:01 Speaker 01 And I'm like, well, it's not a car wash. It's an empty parking lot. But I call one more time and I'm like, hey, I'm looking for a car wash. And the guy's like, yeah, let me unlock the gate.
5:09 Dax Shepard? Okay.
5:10 Speaker 01 Comes out, unlocks a big chain, pull my car in, re-chains.
5:16 Dax Shepard? Okay, now you're locked in.
5:17 Speaker 01 I said, oh, okay. He goes, I lock it because of like the people around here. And I said, okay, I hope you don't take any offense to this. I'm a woman alone in a parking lot that you've just chained. So if I could trouble you to just make it look like it's chained, but this way just for my sanity. And the guy was so sweet. He was like, of course. God bless him. Should I run in this time?
5:36 Dax Shepard? No, no. You're so good at this that it would be crazy.
5:39 Speaker 01 You are so fast. Thank you so much.
5:41 Dax Shepard? And I don't want to make you a target, but what kind of cash will we move around town with?
5:46 Speaker 01 Not a ton. I would say forty, fifty, but I'm always refilling it. Joe and I went to an event the other night. We had no cash for the valet. And it feels horrible.
5:54 Dax Shepard? Oh, there's nothing worse. That's what I'm curious about all these people that are post cash, how they're dealing with tips. Because everywhere I go, it's grease time, you know?
6:04 Speaker 01 It's horrible not to tip valet. It makes you feel really bad. And I asked this last guy, I was like, do you take Venmo? I'm happy to like block traffic for a minute and figure this out.
6:12 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah.
6:12 Speaker 01 And he was like, just Zelle. And I was like, that I can't deal with. Now I'm opening my bank account.
6:18 Dax Shepard? Sure.
6:18 Speaker 01 I'm up in Wells Fargo trying to get it.
6:21 Dax Shepard? I don't think they have her real close friends. Oh, look, he gets to meet that Stephanie, I bet.
6:24 Speaker 01 Oh my God, Stephanie's kid?
6:26 Dax Shepard? Guess what? She doesn't know who the fuck he is anyway.
6:28 Speaker 01 Mm-mm. I wish I filmed that.
6:32 Speaker 01 How'd it go?
6:33 Dax Shepard? She doesn't know who we are. No, no, there's layers of humbling, which is great. Okay, I want to ask you, Jackie, before we get into some questions. You've been on a lot of different things. I'm presuming Glow was the biggest prior to Nobody Wants This?
6:48 Speaker 01 That's right. Aaron just turned around and gave me such a shit-eating grin, it was cute.
6:51 Dax Shepard? I love Jackie. Let me add this, Aaron requested you.
6:55 Speaker 01 Oh, I love best friend Aaron.
6:56 Dax Shepard? I think Aaron's horny for you a little bit.
6:58 Speaker 01 Oh, good. I'm here for that. I'm always going to.
7:00 Dax Shepard? I think of the roller skate party.
7:03 Speaker 01 That's what did.
7:04 Dax Shepard? It was like, I talked to Jackie for a while.
7:05 Speaker 01 Aaron was looking fucking good at that party, too.
7:07 Dax Shepard? The feelings were mutual.
7:08 Speaker 01 Everybody knew, everybody knew Aaron Weekly was looking good at that party. His little outfit. Come on.
7:13 Dax Shepard? His little captain's outfit.
7:15 Speaker 01 Come on, his little captain's suit.
7:17 Dax Shepard? Those big haunches on display, those powerful thighs and ass.
7:20 Speaker 01 I said, let's get involved.
7:24 Speaker 01 Powerful thighs and ass.
7:25 Dax Shepard? Okay, so Glow is very big show, but my guess is Nobody Wants This is just the craziest phenomenon to be a part of.
7:32 Speaker 01 I was getting my nails done this morning. First, one girl came up, she was like, I'm so sorry to bother you. She was on her way out. I just love the show and I love you on the show and the Jewish representation and the whole thing. And she couldn't have been happier. And then I got my headphones back in, kept doing my nails. Then another girl was leaving. She was like, I saw the other girl come up, so I didn't want to come up. And I was like, this is so funny.
7:50 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
7:51 Speaker 01 Having like a moment at the, it's on. It really is. And when the show first aired, see, the thing with Netflix and streamers is.
7:58 Dax Shepard? Come on, brother.
7:59 Speaker 01 No, this guy has to go at this pace.
8:00 Dax Shepard? I got a lot of go-to sayings I yell at the window of these guys when my kids aren't in the car. Yeah.
8:06 Speaker 01 Oh, I'm ready. Literally got silent. I'm like, I'm tuning the fuck in.
8:10 Dax Shepard? Don't hurt yourself.
8:13 Dax Shepard? Don't pull anything.
8:14 Speaker 01 See?
8:15 Dax Shepard? Feel free to go slower.
8:17 Speaker 01 I love them all.
8:17 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
8:18 Speaker 01 So, this one has been extra special.
8:21 Dax Shepard? You're like in Frozen or a Marvel movie. I think the viewership's that many people.
8:25 Speaker 01 Well, it was 800 million, most streamed comedy of all time.
8:29 Dax Shepard? Whoa.
8:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, most streamed television comedy of all time, but not counting like Seinfeld and other, I've been on a streamer.
8:39 Dax Shepard? Oh my god.
8:40 Speaker 01 So most.
8:41 Dax Shepard? Wait, can that be right?
8:42 Speaker 01 But it's times viewed. And every time I meet someone, they're like, I've seen it five times. I keep it on while I'm making dinner. I keep it on while I'm doing laundry. I put it on after my kids go to sleep.
8:51 Dax Shepard? Instantly a cult and a hit.
8:52 Speaker 01 And Kristen says, this is second to Frozen, or even maybe beating Frozen. This is mass.
8:57 Dax Shepard? It's so Goliath. We were in New York a few months ago and I said to her, I'm like, hon, you're too famous to hang out. Like, I can't walk down the street with you. It's too much. It's overwhelming. It's every third person. And you can't go anywhere. And I was like, oh, I kind of thought we knew what it was like, but no, this is nuts. And then, you will love this, I have a very disgusting toenail that died at some point.
9:24 Speaker 01 I may or may not have seen a picture.
9:25 Dax Shepard? Well, you've seen the hack job on mutual.
9:27 Speaker 01 Yes, I've seen more pictures of your fucking feet than I literally care for.
9:31 Dax Shepard? Also, we had the same podiatrist, the one who miniaturized one of my toes. I know you're aware of that.
9:36 Speaker 01 Was it your guy too?
9:37 Dax Shepard? No, I turned.
9:38 Speaker 01 He miniaturized one of Dax's toes. So he sent you to him? How would you word how he?
9:44 Dax Shepard? He's chill as fuck.
9:45 Speaker 01 Hmm.
9:46 Dax Shepard? He's a parrot head? No, he's a Buffett head.
9:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, parrot head. He was sexually inappropriate with me.
9:51 Dax Shepard? Well, that's where it turned. It was really fun.
9:53 Speaker 01 It was really fun.
9:54 Dax Shepard? Cause he's so chill. Yeah, he's couldn't be more chill. He's always in another country. I did 39 operations in three hours. And you're like, oh, you seem really big. And then he mutilated my toe and then he said something very rough. I hate this story, but you should tell it.
10:10 Speaker 01 I was in there and I was in workout clothes as I 90% of the time am. He was like, so that's all I can help you with? I was like, yeah, thank you so much. And as I was leaving, he peeks his head back in and he goes, and if you need anything else, you just bring that hot little body back in here.
10:25 Dax Shepard? Oh my god. I hate that story. Like, that's really what you gotta hear when you go to the doctor for a dude who's like 20 years older than you.
10:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was really yucky. I think I called Dax immediately.
10:37 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you were out. That was the last straw. You were still there even though he mutilated my toe.
10:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
10:44 Speaker 01 Well, I wasn't having the guy surgeryize my freaking toes.
10:47 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you're just having to massage your hips.
10:50 Speaker 02 I got a guy.
10:51 Speaker 01 I was just having him do two in the pink and one in the stick. I wasn't nothing with my toes.
10:56 Dax Shepard? Oh, boy. Anyway, so I have this toenail on my left. I discovered this because I used to take Kristen on her birthday every year to get a manicure, pedicure, and we would go together, and that was my, like, offerings. I'm gonna do this with you.
11:09 Speaker 01 Cutie.
11:10 Dax Shepard? And of course, I would just get my toes done. I would always get this out, where you just blew. Well, her birthday rolled around. I mean, this is how fucking blind guys are in general, I think, to their health, right? So, we're about to go a year later. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna get blue. And all of a sudden, I realized for the first time, oh, none of my nails are blue, except for my left big toe. Meaning, they all grew out over a year. This hasn't grown one millimeter in a year. It's just like they painted it yesterday, and I was like, oh, fuck, that nail's dead as hell.
11:45 Dax Shepard? And that's years ago, okay? That's years ago. I'm like, ew, I don't know, what do you do with that? Oh, wait, five?
11:51 Speaker 02 Don't they usually stay on?
11:53 Dax Shepard? Or, I mean, fall off? They don't usually stay on?
11:55 Speaker 01 We just passed it on the, oh, on the right.
11:58 Dax Shepard? Yep.
11:58 Speaker 02 It's hard to remember what we're doing here.
12:00 Dax Shepard? By the way, this is a very upscale area that they got the shit food.
12:04 Speaker 02 Tell them to be careful with that.
12:05 Dax Shepard? I'm gonna tell them to wear, you have a nose plug?
12:08 Speaker 01 Do you guys have a KN95?
12:11 Dax Shepard? And some smelling salts? And a menthol rub for your upper lip?
12:16 Speaker 02 So, going back to toes, his are the only feet that I'm not grossed?
12:21 Speaker 01 Do you think it's because you guys just love each other? And it's like, who gives a fuck?
12:24 Speaker 02 Because if his feet were on someone else, I would be throwing up.
12:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, you'd be gagging. Your mouth would be full, and you'd have to... I'm trying to think with Kristen, same thing, although I don't think, like, any of my girlfriends really gross gross me out. But, boys, you guys are just so much more disgusting than we are.
12:41 Dax Shepard? I know.
12:41 Speaker 01 It's just like, absolutely, like, your gross feet. Like, if my toenail died, I would notice the day of.
12:47 Dax Shepard? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:48 Speaker 01 If I would know that I...
12:49 Dax Shepard? We've got, like, two things going. We've got male, female, and then we've got, like, judo. Gentile.
12:53 Speaker 01 Yes, we really do.
12:55 Dax Shepard? So at some point, I'm like, I guess I'm gonna take a Dremel. Do you know what a Dremel is?
13:01 Speaker 01 Of course, because your wife has her own nail kit.
13:04 Dax Shepard? And she's got like a nail Dremel, but I use the one from the shop. And so I get going on this nail and I take it down and now I can see what's happening. There's a couple of year journey with this thing where I'm Dremeling and now it does start growing, but it's growing disgustingly. It's very fungacy and I get a spray.
13:20 Speaker 01 And you hadn't been to, I won't say his name.
13:22 Dax Shepard? That was the end of our relationship when he cut my toe in half.
13:26 Speaker 01 Weird, weird, didn't go back.
13:29 Dax Shepard? It actually is weird I didn't go back because I kind of would go back.
13:32 Speaker 01 Elementary school staple gun did back on, got you. Okay.
13:35 Dax Shepard? So the last time I Dremelled it down, I could like really see through and I was, oh, it's black under there. And I mentioned it on the podcast and then enough people wrote back like, you gotta go in. That could be cancer. That's what that blackness could be. So, okay. I go to my general practitioner, although he's not that, he's an internist. He's offended if I call him that. He's about to look at this disgusting Tony goes, you tell your wife she's our shiksa. And I'm like, you bet. And then he looks at him, he's like, okay, yeah. I'm gonna send you across the hall. I got a good buddy. I bet he might have an opening. And I'm delighted. I'm like, great. I'm getting a referral and it's happening right now. He's gonna walk me across the hall. I feel so taken care of. Get in with this guy. Don't know this guy at all. He's just about to get in there and he looks up and he goes,
14:21 Dax Shepard? your wife's our shiksa. Same? This is pretty much saying they want to fuck her, right? I think. Also, these are like 65 year old doctors. That's when I was like, oh, this thing transcended everything.
14:32 Speaker 01 The people in my parents 55 and over community?
14:36 Dax Shepard? Yes.
14:36 Speaker 01 Every single person loves it.
14:38 Dax Shepard? I've never been in a huge hit. I have no clue. Do you have any clue? When you watched it, did you go, oh yeah, buckle up?
14:45 Speaker 01 Don't you feel like your pod is a huge hit?
14:47 Dax Shepard? Huge hit in the podcast world is like a couple million listeners. It's not 800 million. We have a billion streams, but after seven years.
14:56 Speaker 01 Mmm, mazel tov, by the way.
14:58 Dax Shepard? So yeah, no. But I wouldn't have predicted it would have been successful. I heard it and I'm like, I don't know, is it better or worse than other ones?
15:04 Speaker 01 Should I say this, but it being a smash doesn't really even make it better than others anyway, which is crazy.
15:10 Dax Shepard? Right, right, yeah, yeah. Like, the best movie I've ever been in, the best movie, is A Thorough, and it tanked. But that's like the most well-made film.
15:17 Speaker 01 Here's the very quick answer is absolutely not.
15:22 Dax Shepard? Right, right, right.
15:24 Speaker 01 Not only did we not know it was gonna be a hit, we were hopeful sort of anyone would watch it. I wasn't involved at this point, but I was friends with Kristen and knew that she was, and then the strike interrupted it for like a year.
15:36 Dax Shepard? Mm-hmm.
15:37 Speaker 01 And then all this other stuff.
15:38 Dax Shepard? It's also very Jewish-heavy. We haven't seen a huge Jewish hit.
15:41 Speaker 01 Very Jewish-heavy. There's obviously... I was gonna say, there's obviously a lot of political shit going on.
15:47 Dax Shepard? Yeah, the timing was incredible.
15:48 Speaker 01 Highlight, Dicey Time. And so we were just like, is anyone gonna watch this? And the people who do watch it, are the numbers just gonna be high enough for the ends to justify the means here?
15:58 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
15:59 Speaker 01 So for it to explode the way it did, it's radical.
16:01 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I think it feels like buying a lottery ticket.
16:04 Speaker 01 People were throwing around the term "cultural juggernaut."
16:06 Dax Shepard? Yeah, of course. I was saying it's a cultural phenomenon.
16:09 Speaker 01 It's crazy.
16:10 Dax Shepard? It's just what everyone's talking about.
16:11 Speaker 02 Was it random that you and Kristen got...
16:14 Speaker 01 Not at all. So I got the audition through my agent, and then I told Kristen, who is my best friend, who I knew was making this show.
16:22 Dax Shepard? Right.
16:22 Speaker 01 She didn't call me and go like, "You need to audition for this." She was living her life, and my agent was like, "Hey, we have an audition for you for this show called Shiksa."
16:30 Dax Shepard? Well, she was like going to the mat for Adam Brody.
16:32 Speaker 01 She was going to the mat, and she's executive producing and creating. And also, the part that she thought I was right for wasn't even casting yet. My agents got this audition to play Adam's ex-girlfriend, like, the perfect Jewish girl, Rebecca. So I saw Kristen one day and I was like...
16:45 Dax Shepard? That's not your skis.
16:46 Speaker 01 No. You're far more annoying.
16:48 Dax Shepard? No, you're like a super sexy version of What's-His-Ass's-Wife-on-Curb.
16:53 Speaker 01 Oh, I'll take it.
16:54 Dax Shepard? She's a queen.
16:54 Speaker 01 Cheryl Heinz?
16:55 Dax Shepard? No.
16:56 Speaker 01 No, Susie Essman.
16:57 Dax Shepard? Yes, Susie. Ruins that plus this mess. And she's awesome.
17:01 Speaker 01 Thank you.
17:01 Dax Shepard? So you're like a sexy version.
17:02 Speaker 01 I'll take it all fucking day. So I tell Kristen that I'm auditioning for Rebecca and she's like, wait on that. There's a role, and it was only supposed to be a couple of episodes. She's like, but there's a role for Adam Brody's sister-in-law, who is not into the fact that there's this new girl in town. You should try out for that. And so I made a tape in December and I didn't find out I got it until January.
17:23 Dax Shepard? I heard her on many phone calls going, you don't need to look any further. Jackie was born to play this role. We were on a hike and I said something, you know, bordering on anti-Semitic. I said, they're not gonna find anyone that's gonna out-Jew Jackie in this role. She is like, what Dice Clay is to the Italians. She's gonna fucking bend this over and ass-fuck it. Yeah, yeah.
17:48 Speaker 01 Ass-fuck, ass-fuck it.
17:50 Dax Shepard? Oh, no, Dice is Jewish.
17:52 Speaker 01 Dice is Jewish.
17:54 Dax Shepard? That's a terrible example. No one wants. The Chappelle, can we say Chappelle?
17:59 Speaker 01 Aaron, proud of you for knowing Dice was Jewish.
18:01 Dax Shepard? Oh, you know.
18:01 Speaker 01 I almost said it, but I was like, I'm not gonna step on the bed. I mean, he is Jewish. Leave it to best friend.
18:07 Dax Shepard? Good for him.
18:07 Speaker 02 I did say it in case you were wondering if I knew or not.
18:10 Dax Shepard? Good for him, too.
18:11 Speaker 02 Yeah.
18:12 Dax Shepard? To me, in Michigan, I was like, oh, he's Italian.
18:14 Speaker 01 Of course. As a Jew in New York, I was like, this guy's Italian. So I got the little bit.
18:22 Speaker 01 Jack be name-bull, Jack be quick. Jack burnt off his fucking dick.
18:27 Dax Shepard? His fucking prick.
18:32 Dax Shepard? Kristen and I had like a moment where, you know, Dice isn't the most embraced comedian by our current culture. Goddamn, did I think he was hysterical when I was like 12.
18:43 Speaker 01 Me, too.
18:44 Dax Shepard? I couldn't get enough of it. And so I decided to show her some videos and I'm like, she's gonna hate this. She laughed. That's what I love about Kristen is her main ethos is funny. Comedy wins, no matter what other things she's juggling ethics-wise.
18:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, truly.
19:00 Dax Shepard? Can you even believe her? I'm in a big boy. 13, 12.
19:07 Speaker 01 Oh, it's right here. We're like an inch away.
19:09 Dax Shepard? Oh, Boba time. What time is it? It's Boba time.
19:13 Speaker 01 Oh, welcome back, Aaron. Man of Chevitz. What'd you get?
19:17 Speaker 02 A shit ton of smoothies.
19:19 Speaker 01 Oh, smoothies, not Bobas? Oh, sorry.
19:21 Speaker 02 They sent it to order some for us, but.
19:23 Dax Shepard? Oh, my man's got a bright red Corvette.
19:25 Speaker 02 Dude.
19:26 Dax Shepard? I hope he's getting some Bob's. Okay, so now we do two fun things. Oh, I think they're fun. One is, we do a moral dumbfounding philosophical question.
19:35 Speaker 01 Okay.
19:35 Dax Shepard? In a nutshell, moral dumbfounding is, you can't really mount an intellectual argument for why it's not moral, but it just feels really bad.
19:43 Speaker 02 I think you're really gonna enjoy it.
19:44 Dax Shepard? Yes, I think for the three of us. Could we say as a safe estimate baseline, we have loosey-goosey morals a little bit, us three? Maybe relative to, not like we're thieves or we hurt people.
19:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, I would say that certain things are gray area.
19:58 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
19:59 Speaker 01 That other people would not think are gray area.
20:01 Dax Shepard? Right, there we go.
20:02 Speaker 01 Nailed it.
20:04 Dax Shepard? That's a great way to euphemize our lack of morals. Okay, let's start with a moral dumbfounding.
20:08 Speaker 02 A family's pet dog dies in an accident. Instead of burying it or cremating it, they decide to cook it and eat it to avoid waste. No one else finds out, and they enjoy the meal.
20:24 Dax Shepard? Am I wrong that you missed a part where it says they had heard dog was delicious?
20:28 Speaker 02 It's not in here.
20:29 Dax Shepard? It's not?
20:30 Speaker 02 No.
20:31 Dax Shepard? Maybe when AI didn't give me the full. I think a part of that one, because I know this one.
20:35 Speaker 02 Yeah, okay.
20:36 Dax Shepard? Is they also had heard dog was delicious.
20:38 Speaker 01 Oh, poor, okay.
20:38 Dax Shepard? Okay, so just know that they had heard it was delicious. The family dog died of natural causes in the backyard.
20:44 Speaker 02 Dies in an accident, it says. So they've heard dogs were delicious to eat. And instead of burying it, they decide to cook it and eat it to avoid waste.
20:55 Speaker 01 To avoid waste is an annoying addendum. It's like, what waste would there be? You'd put it in the ground and then the bugs would get it, and that wouldn't be waste anyway.
21:05 Dax Shepard? You could make an argument, this isn't mine, but you could say, well, they didn't then go and buy some beef that night. So they saved their consumption of the beef and didn't waste this available meat they had.
21:17 Speaker 02 Yeah, I feel like it's someone who runs over a raccoon on the road and they eat it.
21:22 Dax Shepard? Like, I applaud that person.
21:24 Speaker 01 Like Richard Christie from The Stern Show.
21:25 Dax Shepard? Exactly. Exactly what I was thinking of.
21:28 Speaker 01 Hi, Richard.
21:29 Dax Shepard? We're having coon tonight.
21:31 Speaker 01 We're having coon tonight, Richard.
21:34 Dax Shepard? This is your dad.
21:35 Speaker 01 This is your dad. Bring your appetite.
21:38 Dax Shepard? And you're a dog owner, and maybe we should talk a little bit about Glenn for a second.
21:41 Speaker 01 Glenn?
21:42 Dax Shepard? Because this is a very fun animal story, I think.
21:45 Speaker 01 Glenn's my best boy. I love Glenn.
21:48 Dax Shepard? He's the love of your life, no?
21:49 Speaker 01 Aaron, can I speak to you because Glenn's my number one?
21:52 Dax Shepard? Is this your Glenn voice? You're going talking voice? She has many Glenn dog.
21:56 Speaker 01 I have many Glenn dog. I was just looking for a picture, the best picture of him.
21:59 Dax Shepard? But you know the history of Glenn?
22:01 Speaker 01 Aaron, you have to hear this.
22:02 Dax Shepard? Glenn was our dog first. We rescued Glenn, and I don't care for dogs all that much. But I loved Glenn. Glenn was such a sweet boy. He looked exactly like a Glenn. I named him Glenn, I think.
22:17 Speaker 01 You 100% named him Glenn.
22:18 Dax Shepard? He was such a soft boy.
22:20 Speaker 01 By the way, best dog name. Anytime I tell anyone his name is Glenn, they fucking bug. And it's been happening with Pat and for 10 years. And every time they go, God, that is such a good dog.
22:28 Dax Shepard? There's no way that you would look at Glenn and then hear his name and have an issue with it. No one has ever owned a name as much as Glenn owns his name. So the problem with Glenn is he's a super dander creator. He has so much fucking dander. And I've never been as allergic to a dog as I was Glenn. Even if he just walked in the room, my eyes were red, my nose was running.
22:49 Speaker 01 And wasn't it happening to Delta too? Like, wasn't she a baby, baby, baby?
22:53 Dax Shepard? That would make sense because I doubt that my own allergies to it would have gotten him out of the house. Because I was allergic to the previous two dogs and I don't seem to mind too much.
23:01 Speaker 01 So no one gave a fat rat's ass.
23:04 Dax Shepard? So I loved Glenn, but we couldn't have him. And then Jackie was visiting so often that she developed this relationship with Glenn. She was living in her house.
23:15 Speaker 01 Glenn basically was on the floor of the home at all times.
23:18 Dax Shepard? And she fell in love with Glenn.
23:20 Speaker 01 That's true.
23:21 Dax Shepard? And I was like, Jackie, we're gonna get rid of Glenn. I really think you should take Glenn. And Jackie, go ahead. What were your initial thoughts?
23:28 Speaker 01 My initial thoughts were, by the way, this is Glenn's vet, righty.
23:31 Dax Shepard? Oh, Glennie.
23:33 Speaker 01 My initial thoughts were absolutely not. What's really interesting is not only were you not a dog person, I was not a dog person. When I was at a restaurant and like someone's dog would be like at your feet and other people would be like, cutie. I'd be like, we're in a restaurant. Get the fuck out like you're in a... Like, I don't need your paws on my knee while I try to eat. So I was not into dogs at all. And people used to give me shit and be like, do you think it's fucked up that like you want a kid, but you don't like dogs? People were giving me...
24:00 Dax Shepard? People think it's amoral to not be in love.
24:01 Speaker 01 I was getting shit for it all the time. And because Kristen was rescuing dogs four times a week, it was chipping away at my like, oh, this one's cute. And Shaky, one of her first dogs, was the first dog I was ever friends with.
24:13 Dax Shepard? Same. Mac and Shaky, yeah.
24:15 Speaker 01 Yeah. So Shaky was the first dog I was ever friends with. And then Lola, or at the same time. And then Glenn came along and I loved him and he took a liking to me. And I remember saying to them, like, first of all, I live in a one-bedroom apartment. I am unemployed. This was in August and I was like, I'm traveling in December. And Kristen laughed in my face. She was like, you can't take a dog because you're traveling in six months? You'll drop him back off over here. You'll be fine. And Dax was like, listen, can you just take him for the weekend? I need my face to be able to clear up, please. And we'll figure it out. He would, knowing full well, I was never gonna give back the dog. I go, fine, just for the weekend.
24:54 Dax Shepard? There was literally a moment on the porch.
24:57 Speaker 01 So I'm on the porch and he puts Glenn in my arms. I was about to leave without him.
25:01 Dax Shepard? So he was not taking him?
25:02 Speaker 01 And he goes, just for the weekend. And he puts Glenn in my arms with a bag of food and puts the leash like draped on my shoulders.
25:09 Dax Shepard? It's the most forceful I've ever been, I think.
25:11 Speaker 01 And he closes the door. I hear a lock. And then through the door I hear, and maybe this will help with your commitment issues.
25:19 Dax Shepard? I had two motives. A, I wanted Glenn to be happy and I knew she loved Glenn. And then also, we had had many talk about commitment issues.
25:26 Speaker 01 It worked.
25:27 Dax Shepard? And I'm like, this is... This is the perfect way to fucking immersion therapy.
25:32 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:33 Dax Shepard? Commitment.
25:33 Speaker 01 It worked.
25:34 Dax Shepard? You might have called with some questions in the morning.
25:36 Speaker 01 Yep.
25:36 Dax Shepard? But you just never look back.
25:38 Speaker 01 Never look back.
25:38 Dax Shepard? That dog was never coming back.
25:40 Speaker 01 That's my soulmate. There's really no question that he's my soulmate. I mean, on more than 20 occasions, I've cried looking at him. I love this fucking dog.
25:48 Speaker 02 Did that say that after he locked the door?
25:50 Speaker 01 Yep.
25:53 Speaker 01 That is the cinematic timing that Jack Chappell would give you every time. I hear it go, "And maybe this'll help with your commitment issues." And I think through the door, I was like, "You're a fucking asshole, dude."
26:04 Dax Shepard? I'll worry about my commitment issues. None of your business. Okay, so I bring Glenn up because it's not like you don't have a dog. So as you vote for this moral conundrum.
26:13 Speaker 01 God, you're so good at bringing it back around. You really haven't smoked pot in a long time. I'm proud of you.
26:19 Dax Shepard? You know what it's like to love and cherish a dog. Now, where the?
26:24 Speaker 01 This is 1011.
26:26 Speaker 02 1911, is it right here at the corner? This is the one?
26:28 Dax Shepard? Oh, yeah.
26:29 Speaker 02 1907.
26:30 Dax Shepard? See, I'm not gonna pull up in there driving because that's not a...
26:32 Speaker 02 That's not a good...
26:33 Speaker 01 1907.
26:34 Dax Shepard? I don't like that.
26:37 Dax Shepard? Stay tuned for more Mom's Car. We are supported by Allstate. Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart. Unfortunately, not checking that your phone isn't connected to your car's Bluetooth before having a private conversation is not so smart. Let me tell you, nothing quite prepares you for the moment when you realize your entire carpool just heard every detail of your last doctor's appointment through the car speakers. Talk about an awkward ride. Or how about this one? Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart. Unfortunately, not checking that all your windows are closed before going through the car wash is not smart. I learned that lesson the hard way last week.
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28:04 Dax Shepard? Yes, that's happening. Delivery on its way. Okay, how about some clear skies? Nope. Well, then, how about some french fries? Yep. A little escape? No. A delicious bowl of grapes? Yes, yes, that. How about a freshly cut lawn? Can't help you there. But barbecued prawns? Order it and it's on its way. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details.
28:35 Speaker 02 Okay. Here we go.
28:37 Dax Shepard? We made a fortune today. God. We might even pay for our internet.
28:41 Speaker 01 Our gas. Dax was saying you do Uber in Detroit and it's fucking madness.
28:46 Speaker 02 It's fun. This would upset Dax probably, but I don't want to do it.
28:51 Speaker 01 Right. I don't think it would.
28:52 Speaker 02 I'm trying to make ends meet.
28:53 Speaker 01 Of course.
28:54 Speaker 02 There is fun.
28:56 Speaker 01 Stuff going on?
28:57 Speaker 02 Things that happen.
28:57 Speaker 01 We're talking about Uber.
28:58 Dax Shepard? Dude got in the backseat with a full ski mask on it.
29:01 Speaker 01 No, no, no. That's actually gonna be a no.
29:04 Dax Shepard? I didn't love it.
29:04 Speaker 02 That was my first ride ever.
29:06 Speaker 01 No, it wasn't.
29:06 Speaker 02 Yes, it was.
29:07 Speaker 01 No.
29:08 Speaker 02 I was like, oh, man.
29:09 Dax Shepard? You wanna hear the punchline?
29:10 Speaker 01 Yep.
29:11 Dax Shepard? He drove him to a place of employment. He took his mask off and went in and went to work. And it was a style thing. And I was like, how does one know if it's style or he just robbed a bank? We gotta get you to vote on this moral conundrum.
29:23 Speaker 01 This is the thing. I'm a vegetarian. I personally don't eat any meat. I'm gonna sound like such a crunchy dickhead. But like, I think if you're eating all kinds of meat.
29:34 Dax Shepard? Like, what's the death?
29:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, is it that much different? So I obviously don't eat meat and don't think you should eat your dog. And I think that is not.
29:45 Speaker 02 When you say it, oh, wow.
29:46 Dax Shepard? They don't want you to eat your dog.
29:48 Speaker 01 But if like you eat all sorts of meat, you eat, let's say, roadkill and you eat all this other meat and you are Richard Christie's family, it's not the end of the world, especially if you didn't kill it to eat it. That would be beyond.
30:01 Dax Shepard? Now we got a real issue. I just think you have to admit it's very arbitrary what we think you're allowed to eat and not eat.
30:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:08 Dax Shepard? It's like, yeah, we can eat a deer, we can eat a cow, we can't eat a camel, we can't eat a horse. We can't, you know, like, none of it makes a ton of sense. Aaron, where are you at on it? I feel like I know, but what do you think? You also are a dog lover and dog owner.
30:22 Speaker 02 Listen, I think anyone is entitled to do that. I don't have a problem with it. I wouldn't because I'm in fucking love with my dogs and they're my soulmates as well.
30:32 Speaker 01 Did you imagine? That's another piece of it.
30:34 Speaker 02 I would probably fucking sweep with their rotting body until it was in too bad of condition to eat.
30:41 Dax Shepard? Someone said this the other day. I wonder what your two senses. Let me own, I'm too sensitive to comments. My fault. But someone was mad because a topic came up. Boy, it felt kind of a name to me, but it was like, you should have done a trigger warning. God, I gotta remember the issue. I was like, really? But at some point, my show's about addiction and trauma and molesting. That's what the show is. Do you need to be reminded every episode? Or at what point could you go like, yeah, I know what this show is. Like, you're not watching Jerry Springer if you hate chicks fighting in bras.
31:17 Speaker 01 That's right.
31:17 Dax Shepard? You can't watch the show and be upset that that happened.
31:19 Speaker 01 Is the person saying like, oh, it was their first time listening, so they didn't know?
31:23 Dax Shepard? No, they like the show. That's what's sad. I don't want upsetting these people. They're arm cherries and I love them, but it was probably eating disorder. That's, I get that a lot. That's a very common, like, they want to be warned. But I'm like, it's Nikki Glaser. Her stand-up routine is about ED quite often. And this is a show where we talk about trauma, like, I don't know, am I being overly sensitive?
31:43 Speaker 01 No, no, I do get it, but it's that same thing where it just becomes a spectrum of like, you have misophonia, so I have to let you know that someone's chewing? I can't do it and I'm not gonna do it.
31:52 Dax Shepard? I want some responsibility for themselves, which is like, if it's Triggering to hear about someone talk about eating a certain But then listen to Smartless. I guarantee they're never gonna bring it up.
32:01 Speaker 01 We're listening to like comedy pods.
32:02 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah, there's so many, but if you're listening to one that's in the statement is the messiness of being human and it's all about addiction and stuff, I don't know.
32:09 Speaker 01 I do feel empathy for that person. I just think it's really hard to go through your life expecting everybody to like warn you of everything that's gonna happen in your daily life. Every radio show, every TV, every, everything. It's like shit's gonna suck sometimes and things are gonna come up and hopefully you could be doing the work with your therapist or with the people in your life to be like, ah, this came up today and it fucking sucks.
32:32 Dax Shepard? I guess my broader point was every single episode would have a trigger warning.
32:36 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
32:36 Dax Shepard? And at some point when everyone know like, yeah, this isn't a show if you're easily triggered.
32:41 Speaker 01 Right, right.
32:41 Dax Shepard? But I guess that's the assumption. Okay, let's do an advicey question.
32:45 Speaker 01 Okay.
32:46 Dax Shepard? This is from a listener.
32:48 Speaker 01 Oh, God.
32:50 Dax Shepard? Now I am sympathetic to the musicavonia people.
32:53 Speaker 01 I'm sorry, that fucker is stuck in my throat.
32:55 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I get it.
32:56 Speaker 01 Dax, it's just you and me, Aaron passed. Oh, no. I'll miss him. I liked him.
33:01 Dax Shepard? Should've been a trigger warning that guy was gonna choke to death in the episode.
33:04 Speaker 01 Now that's a trigger warning I could get by. Somebody just died.
33:08 Dax Shepard? He lost a loved one in a choking accident.
33:10 Speaker 02 He died doing what he loves.
33:11 Speaker 01 Eating joking on bagels.
33:14 Dax Shepard? Choking on mangoes that he thought was dry bagels.
33:19 Speaker 02 Okay, title is, husbands looking at sexy girls on the Gram and YouTube. Well, I have a little of a dilemma. For context, I'm 37. My husband is 57.
33:30 Dax Shepard? Whoa, okay.
33:31 Speaker 02 Yes. He is a great husband, no complaints, but for a while now, he only wants to have sex if I'm wearing some kind of miniskirt. Love it, do it. But now...
33:43 Dax Shepard? Wait, hold on, are you saying that or is the...
33:44 Speaker 02 No, I'm reading verbatim.
33:46 Dax Shepard? She said, "Love it, do it."
33:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
33:48 Dax Shepard? Okay, great.
33:48 Speaker 02 She loves it, she does it. But now that's the only way. It's like... Okay, I'm all for looking sexy and role-playing all, but all the time? Like, no. So I went on his Instagram and saw he was looking at all kinds of sexy, big booty, miniskirt girls. Whatever, saw his YouTube and the same. It's not porn, just modeling tiny skirts booty out. Whatever.
34:14 Speaker 01 To be in so much pain and keep saying whatever, like eight to 10 times? Okay.
34:18 Speaker 02 My issue is that now that's the only way he wants to do it. When and if I dress up. We have a healthy sex life, no complaints.
34:28 Speaker 01 Oh, my angel.
34:29 Speaker 02 I will even take pictures of myself with the minis and send to him. He loves it. But for me, it's getting old and I'm feeling a little weird about it and I don't know why. Is he thinking of them or me? I don't know. Do I have an issue with this? I do, but I don't really. I don't know, but something about this is bugging me.
34:47 Speaker 01 Interesting.
34:48 Dax Shepard? Yeah, well, Jackie, what do you think?
34:49 Speaker 01 I go first?
34:50 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
34:50 Speaker 01 Okay. My first thought is talk to your partner, of course. I'm wondering, has she already brought it up? Because I think if there was only one very particular way my partner was comfortable having sex, I would have to bring it up because also there's two people involved in the relationship. And the way that I want to get started should be taken into account as well as the way that my partner wants to get started. For me, it's more of like a, well, is she getting her needs met? And why isn't she bringing that up? And as far as like the Instagram and YouTube, uh...
35:27 Dax Shepard? You almost got to break apart this thing, right?
35:28 Speaker 01 Yes, there's multiple different issues going on.
35:30 Dax Shepard? I'm someone that is of the opinion that you shouldn't care if your partner looks at pictures or watches pornography. I think like what's happening in their imagination, you don't really have a right to own that real estate. I think what everyone's fantasy life is, is up to them and I, I don't think that that's... Part of monogamy. I don't think you get to say you're not gonna enjoy pictures of people. Now, I know people who have actual porn addiction.
35:59 Speaker 01 Right.
36:00 Dax Shepard? And it's very destructive to a relationship. So it's like, okay, what version? Is it they watch porn a few times a week? Or are they like watching six times a day?
36:09 Speaker 01 And they're not leaving the house.
36:10 Dax Shepard? And if they have a free day, they spend eight hours jerking up. Like, that really gets in the way of your relationship.
36:16 Speaker 01 And in your life in general, but yeah, of course.
36:18 Dax Shepard? It's an addiction, and there's wreckage. So, there's not enough info for me to say like, does the guy have a problem? I think it's interesting he's not watching porn. It's kind of like a PG version of this.
36:27 Speaker 01 But also, like, is he and she just doesn't know?
36:29 Speaker 02 She would know, it sounds like.
36:30 Dax Shepard? Sounds like she's all over his IG and his YouTube.
36:34 Speaker 02 A shocker, I agree with you. But I know that's what makes this show so great. I agree with everything you say.
36:45 Dax Shepard? That's why we have a guest.
36:46 Speaker 02 But I do, yeah, I do want to say that I think it's so healthy for couples to have their own fantasy life. I can't see it being, you're only thinking about your spouse.
36:57 Speaker 01 But also, if you say you are, you're lying anyway. And is that worse where you're like, no, I've never thought someone else was hot? Because then if you have a partner. Right, if you have a partner who's like, you better not be thinking of anyone else. It's like, well, okay, then I'm not. Do you want that to go on me to say? I'm happy to say that.
37:16 Dax Shepard? Well, and I think people have like rungs of this, right? Like, it seems that it's very common for people to be able to say it about Brad Pitt or Jennifer Aniston. Right, that there's some safe level. The idea of a hall pass is interesting. People are like fine with that, like, oh, my hall pass is Brad Pitt. And obviously, it's safe because it can never happen. But you're okay with that. Well, most people are okay with that. Where it gets tricky is, do you think someone's attractive in your inner circle?
37:45 Speaker 01 At work.
37:46 Dax Shepard? At work. Again, I know I'm out on the spectrum on this. I don't think what I'm gonna say is normal. I would think it would be nuts if Kristen wasn't attracted to guys. And I think it'd be nuts if she wasn't attracted to people she knows in work.
37:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:00 Dax Shepard? I think you've just gotta be really clear about what is the thing that's being violated that you cherish? Like, I've always said, if Kristen fucked a dude in a trailer and I never found out about it, I don't care. If Kristen's involved in an affair and she's not present with me as my partner, and she's not present with the kids, and she's lying and juggling this other life, that's a real problem for us. For me, it's not even the sex. It's just like, well, you're very distracted by something, and I need this level of partnership from you, and it's getting in the way. But, back to this person. My just gut tells me this guy has some intimacy issues. Like, he has got to objectify her in a way that she fits into this category of what he likes, which is girls in skirts, anonymous girls in skirts.
38:44 Dax Shepard? And he almost needs to make her be this so he can maybe be sexual with her and not feel shame or something. I just think something is afoot.
38:54 Speaker 01 And I also wonder if it's like that thing in mating in captivity, where it's like there has to be distance created for you to then be attracted to a person, which is why it's...
39:02 Dax Shepard? Oh, this is Astor Perel.
39:03 Speaker 01 Like, why sex lives die so much in relationships? Because that person is so available to you.
39:09 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
39:09 Speaker 01 And there's that sense of, this isn't her. This isn't them. There's like a little bit of distance there. They're literally like in an anonymous bent over pee hole.
39:18 Dax Shepard? Yeah, and she says, modern day romance is like, we want you to be our best friend, our confidant, our lover, our business partner.
39:26 Speaker 01 Every single thing.
39:27 Dax Shepard? Yeah. I'm feeling bad for this girl.
39:29 Speaker 01 Me too. I just want her to talk to him.
39:31 Speaker 02 I feel bad and I wish she would go to couples therapy to get it out in the open with a third party. I'm a big supporter of that.
39:40 Dax Shepard? Yeah, me too. I can only imagine this dude's gonna get defensive when she brings this up. I don't think the approach is for her to go like, I'm worried that you have this thing.
39:49 Speaker 01 Right.
39:49 Dax Shepard? I don't think his thing is your business nor your right to say. What you should say is like, I need more. I desire...
39:56 Speaker 01 This isn't the way that I want to have sex.
39:59 Dax Shepard? I'm not.
40:00 Speaker 01 I want to be looking at you.
40:01 Dax Shepard? Judge the way you're into it, whatever your thing is. I'm not going to try to threaten that or talk you out of it, but this is what I need. I need to be in other outfits. I'd like to look at your face someday.
40:12 Speaker 01 Not that I would say.
40:14 Dax Shepard? He doesn't, I don't know, it feels very detached and kind of objectified.
40:18 Speaker 01 Because I think also if they were having fun and she was getting all her needs met, you're only as needy as your unmet needs. You can tell I've been in therapy.
40:28 Speaker 01 So she doesn't feel seen by him because if she did and then she looked over his shoulder and he was looking at a hot ass in a skirt, she'd lean in and be like, oh, cute buns. She would feel involved in the relationship, but because she feels sort of left out to dry.
40:44 Dax Shepard? Sounds like she's been assigned a role.
40:46 Speaker 01 She has.
40:47 Dax Shepard? Like, I need you to do all this.
40:49 Speaker 01 And be all these people, right, which sucks.
40:52 Dax Shepard? Do we dare talk about the age gap?
40:54 Speaker 01 That's the other thing.
40:55 Dax Shepard? I would just be nervous.
40:57 Speaker 01 Pushing 60 is so virile.
40:58 Dax Shepard? Boy, this guy's on fire. I'm not looking at much stuff anymore at 50. This guy's impressive, but I'm gonna guess and it'll offend people. I'm worried about the leverage in the relationship. My hunch is 57, 27, was it that?
41:14 Speaker 01 37.
41:15 Dax Shepard? 37, 57, my hunch is he's financially sorted. He's already been married or not. I don't know, I just. That's a good hunch. I worry about the leverage in the situation and this might just be a symptom of that leverage.
41:27 Speaker 01 Right, it's his house.
41:29 Dax Shepard? Maybe 37-year-old girls get deadbeat 57-year-olds, but I don't.
41:32 Speaker 01 Right, I doubt, exactly.
41:33 Dax Shepard? I think it's low percentage. And if you're like, yeah, I own the home and you came into my life and this is my thing, this is what I like, I just am, I'm a little nervous of the overall leverage.
41:43 Speaker 01 Which I can't speak to, but do not care for and make me have even more distaste for this poor gal situation. Because it's interesting, it's not the end of the world. It's like a lot of people are in just sexless marriages. It's a nightmare.
41:57 Dax Shepard? It doesn't sound like she's asking for much. She's like down to party and she'll wear it and she likes it, but she also wants some other variety.
42:04 Speaker 01 Feels like this guy's lucky.
42:05 Dax Shepard? Sounds like this guy's got it made. Uh, yeah, but you can't have it made much longer.
42:12 Dax Shepard? Have you ever had a boyfriend that had like some very specific, it had to be one way?
42:17 Speaker 01 No, not in it had to be one way. Just people liking certain things. Not that I was grossed out by or not into, but like, oh, that's a twist.
42:27 Dax Shepard? Sure.
42:27 Speaker 01 Okay, hi, hi. No, but never, never something where I was like, oh, my God, this is the only.
42:34 Dax Shepard? I would do it, but thankfully I've never been asked to like, wear a police costume and come in the house and roleplay and bad acting. That would be really hard. I would do it if that's what someone desired.
42:45 Speaker 01 It would be such a turn off for me.
42:47 Dax Shepard? You haven't done any of that business either.
42:49 Speaker 01 No, any of that like crazy.
42:50 Dax Shepard? I don't know how someone can do it.
42:53 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
42:53 Dax Shepard? I have a hard enough time.
42:54 Speaker 01 That outfit you wore to the roller skating party?
42:57 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
42:57 Speaker 01 Oh, my God. Taking someone seriously.
42:59 Dax Shepard? Yeah, but happens by accident if you're both in crazy costumes. Sure, that's cool.
43:03 Speaker 01 This is so crazy. This has popped into my brain. There's something weirdly hot about anonymous.
43:08 Dax Shepard? Yes.
43:09 Speaker 01 Right? Like if you're.
43:09 Dax Shepard? Erica Young, did you ever read Fear of Flying?
43:11 Speaker 01 Maybe when I was younger, years and years and years ago.
43:14 Dax Shepard? Seminal feminist work.
43:15 Speaker 01 Yes, of course, no, of course.
43:15 Dax Shepard? The zipless fuck was her term.
43:17 Speaker 01 Oh.
43:18 Dax Shepard? She desired the zipless fuck. She wanted to meet like a guy on the train.
43:21 Speaker 01 I've always had that with like someone in the supermarket.
43:23 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
43:23 Speaker 01 Like you just see someone across the supermarket and like within five minutes, you're in someone's car.
43:27 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
43:28 Speaker 01 But I've never done that.
43:29 Dax Shepard? Erin has done that.
43:30 Speaker 01 Yes, the supermarket fuck?
43:32 Dax Shepard? Well, just, I've never seen records set like this. Where one time we were in high school and we were at this place we hung out at, Country Boy or Restaurant. It was like an even lower end of a Denny's.
43:43 Speaker 01 Oh, my God, I didn't know you could.
43:45 Dax Shepard? And she arrived and I think with my girlfriend Carrie. And then I swear to God, Jackie, five minutes later, they were fucking in the bathroom in 12th grade. I was getting jacked under the table.
43:55 Speaker 01 This is a great story. How, how did it happen? She just took it out?
44:02 Dax Shepard? I'll leave with my whole theory after he tells you. Yeah, I don't remember. Erin has the cutest, most innocent smile. And I have seen many times, girls meet Erin and they're like, oh, he's so safe. I'm gonna be the aggressor, which is lovely. I've seen that so many times in 35 years. I think girls rightly so, when they meet me, they're like, watch out, this guy's horny, he's got an agenda. I'm gonna have my guard up, and great, and they should. But I think Aaron's cute smile, his A got us out of every issue we were in in junior high. Every time we were getting yelled at, he would smile real cute and they would send me to the principal's office. Or, he could fart in class, he would smile and laugh and the girls would be like, "Oh my god, that's so cute how high pitched it was."
44:46 Dax Shepard? He was the only kid who could fart in junior high and girls thought it was super cute.
44:49 Speaker 02 Thank you for saying that. Ruthie will never believe me that that happened.
44:53 Dax Shepard? A hundred percent. And then we'd be at a restaurant and he'd just smile at a girl and she'd start jerking off under the table and then they would go to the bathroom and fuck. Yeah, it's hard not to be jealous of some of the-
45:03 Speaker 01 Oh, what a delight.
45:04 Dax Shepard? Well, a lot of fast acting today.
45:06 Speaker 01 A lot of fast acting today. No athletes, but what to be found.
45:12 Dax Shepard? You've had some quick, though. You've had some quick-
45:14 Speaker 01 I will not be talking about those on this show.
45:18 Dax Shepard? I know some 0 to 60s.
45:20 Speaker 01 So, 0 to 60s.
45:21 Dax Shepard? I have some favorite.
45:22 Speaker 01 He has some favorite men.
45:24 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
45:24 Speaker 01 Some favorite men.
45:25 Dax Shepard? In fact-
45:26 Speaker 01 You can cut them out.
45:27 Dax Shepard? I told this story recently because, okay, I was filming, my name is Earl. I was guest starring for a week and the lead actress was not shooting that week. And so I had her trailer. They gave me her trailer. And so, it's like Friday, it's the last day. I've been outside, it's 95 degrees in North Hollywood. That's where we're filming and I'm outside the whole time. I get back to the trailer and I hear that they've called her in. We finished early and they've called her and they're actually gonna pick up a scene, right? Jamie Presley.
45:56 Speaker 02 Yeah.
45:57 Dax Shepard? So now I'm getting out of my wardrobe and I have my clothes and I start dilly-dallying. You know this story because you're one of the people we told this to.
46:07 Speaker 01 Okay.
46:08 Dax Shepard? Now I'm really taking my sweet time. I'm naked for a while in the trailer. It's like, I'm having an ethical dilemma about it. It's just so sexy, I don't know. I'm in her trailer naked. And then I walk by the mirror where you sit at the little table and I see that my testicles are lower than my penis. They were so fucking droopy from the 95 degree day of shooting in full wardrobe. And I was like- Oh my God, I look like Taffy. It was so gross that I like ran and got my clothes on. But then Kristen and I get together and I tell her this story and she goes, "Let me just tell you right now, no woman wants to walk in her trailer and see you naked." And I'm like, "You're probably right, but I would love to walk in my trailer and see a naked woman."
46:53 Dax Shepard? So we asked so many people and the only person we ever asked was you. We're like, "I don't know, let me see. I walk in my trailer, you're in there naked." And you're like, "Yeah, I'm up for seeing that."
47:08 Dax Shepard? And so I held on to my argument for a decade based solely on you. You were the only person that said it was, but I was like, "Okay, there is one."
47:16 Speaker 01 Of course I did. And Kristen always says she married me.
47:18 Dax Shepard? Yes, exactly. But I just held on to it. And then lo and behold, Jackie, I don't know if you remember the punchline, but Kristen and I go to Ethan Suplee's kid's birthday party. There's a hot tub, we're in it, and I look to my left and Jamie Presley's in the hot tub. And I'm like, "Oh, hey, cha-cha-cha." And then I go, "Oh, my God, you could settle about a decade-long debate between Kristen and I." And I go, "So I had your trailer, I was really dilly-dallying, I was naked. What would have been your reaction?" She goes, "Oh, terrified, I'd hate it." Okay, well, that's, is the end of that. We have our resolution.
47:55 Speaker 01 I did not remember the whole thing.
47:57 Dax Shepard? We got from the horse's mouth, "Let me settle this debate."
48:00 Speaker 01 Here's what's scary about my memory. I remember the story now, of course, and of course I stand by that I would have been like, "Oh, cool."
48:07 Dax Shepard? Yeah, why not?
48:08 Speaker 01 I would have been like, "Oh, I'll be right back."
48:10 Dax Shepard? Or, "You don't want me to come in?"
48:13 Speaker 01 There was a time, Jonathan. I was watching myself on Celebrity Jeopardy recently, which of course has 100 insane things about that sentence.
48:23 Dax Shepard? Wait, Jackie, I haven't seen that.
48:25 Speaker 01 I played against Neil deGrasse Tyson.
48:27 Dax Shepard? Oh, good luck. That's not fair.
48:30 Speaker 01 Do you want me to tell you what happened?
48:31 Dax Shepard? Tell me.
48:32 Speaker 01 Well, it was already aired, that's why I can tell you.
48:36 Speaker 01 I'll beat him.
48:37 Dax Shepard? You beat Neil deGrasse Tyson? Did you win?
48:40 Speaker 01 I won my episode and then I went on to the semifinals, which have not aired yet, so I can't tell you.
48:45 Dax Shepard? Oh, my God.
48:46 Speaker 01 Tell you, shut the cameras, I can't tell you what happened there. But the point of the story is I had a couple of friends over just to watch it. Cause I had my friend Brendan coach me because he's a Jeopardy champion on Real Jeopardy. So I had him come over and coach me and as we're watching it on the air, they ask a question and I'm like, fuck, fuck if I know. And TV Jackie buzzes in and goes pendulum.
49:11 Dax Shepard? Well, you've gotten dumber since you recorded it a couple of weeks before.
49:15 Speaker 01 But I'm just saying if it makes me feel any better that as you're telling me this story, it's coming back to me in pieces.
49:22 Dax Shepard? I admire your bravery because A, I've been invited. I watched Jeopardy for years.
49:28 Speaker 01 Of course.
49:28 Dax Shepard? I think I'm good. Honestly, I'm too vain to go there and find out I'm not good. It's too high risk for me.
49:35 Speaker 01 I think it's too high risk for you too. But I don't think it's too high risk for me. Because you're famously very bright. You're famously like who you are and like what you've studied and your pod and you know things. Like that's not, that's not what I'm known for. I'm known for like having jokes and it is what it is. So I thought if I show up.
49:56 Dax Shepard? Couple zero to sixties now.
49:56 Speaker 01 Couple zero to sixties, couple backs, a couple cars. But I was like, if I show up and I just don't look like a huge asshole, I'll be fine.
50:04 Dax Shepard? What I saw was the clip you posted, which is you being hysterical on Jeopardy. Taking huge swings and landing them. And I was like, this is incredible. I think this is the wildest I've seen someone be on Jeopardy. I was really admiring what you did.
50:19 Speaker 01 When I got a daily double, I was like, Ken, I'm never gonna be able to say this again. So I'm saying it now, I'd like to make it a true daily double.
50:25 Dax Shepard? Yes.
50:25 Speaker 01 Even if I fucking lose. Cause my charity was getting 30K anyway. I'm not gonna win against Neil deGrasse Tyson.
50:31 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
50:31 Speaker 01 So what are we doing?
50:32 Dax Shepard? And guess what? You are.
50:33 Speaker 01 So guess what?
50:34 Dax Shepard? There's no win for him. He like fought a woman, basically. You win, you lose. You lose, you lose.
50:40 Speaker 01 At the end of the game, he and the other gal we were playing against, Melissa Peterman, she's like from Reba and stuff. They were both at about 12 or 13,000 points and I was about 8,000. So I wasn't gonna win, but I was doing okay.
50:52 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
50:52 Speaker 01 So then for final Jeopardy, I was like, well, I'm just gonna go for it.
50:55 Dax Shepard? What was the question?
50:56 Speaker 01 Ready for the clue?
50:57 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
50:58 Speaker 01 The Muppets.
50:59 Dax Shepard? Okay.
51:00 Speaker 01 Really celebrity jeopardy like SNL. So I was like, okay. And I think it was like Muppet Stick Manhattan or The Great Muppet Caper. One box is marked frog and has Kermit in it. One box is marked bear. It has Fozzie in it. One box is marked whatever and it has this in it. And Melissa said animal.
51:17 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
51:18 Speaker 01 Neil said snuffleufagus. And I said the correct answer, which was gonzo.
51:22 Dax Shepard? Gonzo. Really good work. I almost forgot about gonzo.
51:28 Speaker 01 My god, that's a great.
51:29 Dax Shepard? Have you done Sesame Street?
51:31 Speaker 01 No, but I want to. And I was, well, excuse me. Ask that again.
51:34 Dax Shepard? Have you done Sesame Street?
51:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, when I was 11.
51:37 Dax Shepard? Oh, my god, as a little girl.
51:38 Speaker 01 Not as a grown. When I was a little kid, my agent, Aggie Gold of Fresh Faces Agency.
51:44 Dax Shepard? That was the name of Fresh Faces.
51:45 Speaker 01 Of course. And I was a kid actor. She got an audition for a kid for Sesame Street who could pogo stick. So naturally she submitted me and they called and they said, can she pogo stick? We really need someone to pogo stick. She said, of course she can. She calls me and she says, you gotta learn to pogo stick.
52:00 Dax Shepard? And how much the heads up? How many days?
52:02 Speaker 01 Two, three, max.
52:03 Dax Shepard? Okay, wow.
52:04 Speaker 01 My mom, like, I think borrowed a pogo stick from a family friend. And of course I made this mistake. I pogo sticked on the floor. I would say marble, but we all know it wasn't marble in my house in Long Island, but that's what it looked like.
52:16 Dax Shepard? Yes, it was a tiled floor.
52:17 Speaker 01 The tiley, granitey moment. These boys' shorts, exactly the same. And I'm pogoing and I fall forward and I smash my nose. That's still broken.
52:27 Dax Shepard? Oh, wow.
52:29 Speaker 01 And I go to my next door neighbor, because my parents weren't home. I was 11 and I bang on his door. Sal Venti, Salvador Venti.
52:35 Dax Shepard? Oh, nice.
52:35 Speaker 01 Okay, he lives, he lives next door. Called himself.
52:38 Dax Shepard? Oh, what the hell?
52:40 Speaker 01 Ready for what he called himself? Chucky the Love Grenade.
52:42 Dax Shepard? What?
52:43 Speaker 01 Chucky the Love Grenade. This is a true story.
52:45 Dax Shepard? Like he was a disc jockey.
52:46 Speaker 01 He literally was a cop.
52:47 Dax Shepard? Okay.
52:47 Speaker 01 But he would be like, if you have any questions, ask Chucky the Love Grenade. Okay, so Sal comes over and I'm like, I bashed my nose. My nose was bleeding. He takes the bridge of my nose and just squeezes it.
52:57 Dax Shepard? Oh, wow.
52:57 Speaker 01 And he's like, I felt something go back into place. And then he's like, wait till your parents get home. My parents got home and the blood stopped. I never went to the doctor, never got my nose fixed.
53:07 Dax Shepard? Yeah, mine was broken and it didn't get fixed.
53:09 Speaker 01 Never got fixed. But I forgot that the Chucky the Love Grenade thing, that may have been after I booked. I don't remember. Because then they had to put makeup on me after I booked because I was bruised.
53:18 Dax Shepard? And did you no longer have to ride the pogo stick?
53:20 Speaker 01 I still did. So I think the order was, I got the audition. My agent said, "You need to learn to pogo stick." I learned, then I booked. But all I could do was do it three times in a row, standing still. And then, of course, when I got there, they were like, "Well, have you pogo in and pogo out?" And I had to lie and be like, "These floors and the bottom of the..." It's that, but of course, I just didn't know how to mobile pogo. So after I booked, that's when I cracked my nose, in between booking and filming.
53:51 Dax Shepard? That's so weird, because that's my broken nose story too. I had booked a fucking Carl's Jr. commercial, which I could not book anything. I was so bad. And on the weekend before we shot, 22, on the weekend, a guy broke my nose in a fistfight. And I tried to show up, and my nose was so fucking big, and my eyes were like, "What? I was like, 'Makeup?'" And they're like, "Oh, my God, no."
54:11 Speaker 01 I'm like, "No, dude, we have a backup for this very reason, you fucking dickhead."
54:15 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
54:16 Speaker 01 They're like, "Brian?" And the other guy comes right in and replaces you immediately.
54:20 Dax Shepard? The director just put on the my outfit.
54:22 Speaker 01 100%.
54:24 Dax Shepard? Well, Jackie, that was so fun. I'm so glad you joined us.
54:28 Speaker 01 We did this.
54:29 Dax Shepard? And you were really a good luck charm. Did you have fun?
54:31 Speaker 01 I had the best fucking time. I got out of the car and hugged you, boys. This was delicious.
54:36 Dax Shepard? I love you.
54:37 Speaker 01 I ate all my snacks. I love you.
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