Pod Insights Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Mom's Car: Joy Bryant About this episode On this week's episode of Mom's Car, we welcome actor and Dax's on-screen wife Joy Bryant. Joy, Dax, and Best Friend Aaron Weakley talk through high stakes three-way matching tattoos, BFAW’s entertaining story involving a thong and a 20-year full circle moment, digging into the morality of a hypothetical brother-sister scenario, a Vulnerboys write-in question, Joy’s top-five dream stoner list, and the crew invent a brand new moral dumbfounding about dolphins.
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Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Dax Shepard? Hello and welcome to Mom's Car today. One of my dearest friends, my television wife, Joy Bryant, joins Aaron and I today. And I just love this woman so much, I'm sure you do too. Please enjoy, Joy Bryant. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check your phones in your pocket before leaving the house. Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North America Insurance Co. and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.
0:57 Dax Shepard? Joy, Aaron and I got matching tattoos yesterday.
1:00 Speaker 01 No way, I love that.
1:02 Dax Shepard? On my neck.
1:03 Speaker 01 Oh, what does it say? La Costa Nuestra?
1:07 Dax Shepard? Okay, that's what I wanted to get to, but J2C. January 2nd Capricorn, July 2nd Cancer. Impossible.
1:15 Speaker 01 No, you guys are so weird.
1:17 Dax Shepard? Yeah, in junior high, we figured out that we're the rarest of the rare, J2C.
1:22 Speaker 02 I got mine right there.
1:22 Speaker 01 Oh my god, okay, first of all, I love matching friend tattoos. I have one with two of my other friends and it's Soul Rebel.
1:32 Dax Shepard? Soul Rebel, and there's three of you with it?
1:35 Speaker 01 Yes, and it's all stick and poke.
1:37 Dax Shepard? I just gotta say though, a three-way matching tattoos, higher stakes. Cause the odds of a fallout with three, higher than two.
1:46 Speaker 01 Friend fallout?
1:47 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
1:47 Speaker 01 Oh yeah, no, we're never gonna, no, it's not gonna happen. The only thing is that everyone's tattoo is totally different because one friend gave me a tattoo and then he gave...
1:55 Dax Shepard? Oh, there's a dudes in the mix?
1:57 Speaker 01 Oh yeah, we're all best friends, so it's like the three of us.
1:59 Dax Shepard? Two gals and a guy?
2:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, no one wanted me to give them a tattoo because my vision's a little bit off.
2:05 Dax Shepard? Hold on, hold on. I thought you meant, he gave you the design, but you're saying he physically tattooed you.
2:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, so woman, man, we're all besties.
2:13 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
2:13 Speaker 01 And we decided that we're gonna do Soul Rebel. Steve gave me and Jade the tattoos, and then Jade gave Steve the tattoos, but no one wanted me to give anyone anything because they're like, but you can't even see. We don't trust that. But mind you, that was his first stick and poke, and it's all janky. It doesn't even look like it says Soul Rebel. It looks like it says Soul Re.
2:33 Dax Shepard? Oh, yeah.
2:34 Speaker 01 I mean, that works too, right?
2:35 Dax Shepard? I like it, yeah.
2:36 Speaker 01 But he was like stabbing my arm and shit.
2:39 Dax Shepard? What's the GD?
2:40 Speaker 02 Goddamn.
2:41 Speaker 01 I mean.
2:43 Dax Shepard? Goddamn.
2:44 Speaker 01 I said goddamn.
2:45 Speaker 02 Goddamn.
2:46 Dax Shepard? I said goddamn.
2:47 Speaker 01 That's actually a memorial for a friend of me and Dave's, Glenn Doherty. He was one of the people who died in Benghazi.
2:54 Dax Shepard? Oh, my God.
2:55 Speaker 01 Yeah. We met him through the whole sort of snowboard world and everything. He's an ex-Navy SEAL. And we just became friends.
3:02 Dax Shepard? Looking for some action.
3:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, he was just a really amazing, special person.
3:06 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I felt like maybe when you were staying at our house for the evacuations, we maybe talked about him.
3:13 Speaker 01 Because you have a friend who was in that world.
3:15 Dax Shepard? In that world, Navy SEAL, and was offered to go to Benghazi for a lot of money. They paid well for that. I'm not saying your friend, but the one that was offered to my friend.
3:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:25 Dax Shepard? I kind of dug this because I myself can't walk into a lot of stuff, but he just said to me, yeah, I was really tempted, but I just thought, you end up doing shit on these missions that can't be about money. You really got to think it's about country, or you're not gonna do the thing that needs doing. And I was like, wow, that's some cool integrity. Because I probably likely more do anything for money.
3:47 Speaker 01 You don't leave a damn coin on the floor.
3:53 Dax Shepard? I am not walking by a penny on the street.
3:58 Dax Shepard? Yeah, but Aaron and I would drink a bottle of ketchup at the restaurant for $5.
4:03 Speaker 01 You guys have actually done that?
4:05 Dax Shepard? Aaron hit some real lows.
4:06 Speaker 01 What?
4:07 Dax Shepard? When he was an addict.
4:08 Speaker 01 Wait, when you were in what?
4:11 Dax Shepard? When he was an addict, I said.
4:12 Speaker 01 Oh, some real lows, like?
4:14 Speaker 02 Like what I did for money?
4:15 Dax Shepard? Yeah, one about, um, this is an incredible story because of the full circle nature.
4:20 Speaker 01 Okay.
4:21 Dax Shepard? Okay, so hit her with a Dean's House.
4:24 Speaker 02 Oh, sure, sure, sure. So, you know, Joy, the game, how much would it take?
4:30 Speaker 01 Okay.
4:31 Speaker 02 To do such and such? People would be like, I wouldn't do that for a million dollars. I'd be like, 60 bucks? It's like that kind of thing, you know? Because I was like, I'm just being honest, man.
4:42 Speaker 01 That's immediate needs right there.
4:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, so I found myself at a party at my friend's house and...
4:49 Speaker 01 Were you there?
4:49 Dax Shepard? I was not. I had retired at this point.
4:51 Speaker 02 My girlfriend's there, all my friends, all these fucking assholes that I don't know. I find myself wearing my girlfriend's thong and it's a foot of snow outside and it's like zero.
5:05 Speaker 01 Wait, what kind of thong? G-string or was there a thongs or were they G-strings? Was it one strip up your ass or was it sort of like fabric up your butt?
5:12 Speaker 02 It was something up my butt.
5:14 Dax Shepard? You're huge butt cheeks.
5:17 Speaker 01 So, anything, everything is a G-string for you?
5:19 Speaker 02 It's a G-string.
5:19 Speaker 01 Oh, you got a fat ass.
5:21 Dax Shepard? Oh, he's got a gorgeous.
5:22 Speaker 02 Sadly, sadly enough, there was no pictures of this because it was in the 90s.
5:28 Speaker 01 Four pictures.
5:29 Speaker 02 So, I'm standing outside, bent over on the porch with my ass.
5:33 Speaker 01 Yes, making a clap.
5:36 Speaker 02 And a dude just fucking starts peeing on my butt.
5:42 Dax Shepard? That's what was on the table.
5:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, it was on the, yeah. And I agreed to this for 40 bucks, which was like...
5:48 Speaker 01 Oh, wait, not even 60?
5:49 Speaker 02 Which was like four people chipped in 10 bucks. It took a minute to even get to 40.
5:55 Dax Shepard? They couldn't get it up to 100.
5:56 Speaker 02 And then I was like, sold. At the time, a Tina of Coke was 40 bucks.
6:02 Dax Shepard? Joke's on all of us.
6:03 Speaker 02 Yeah, jokes, I did. And I said that too. I thought it. I thought, my girlfriend was so fucking embarrassed.
6:11 Speaker 02 She was like, I don't even have words. And I go, yeah, but who's fucking laughing? Who's really laughing now?
6:19 Speaker 01 Who got them dunks? I got them bums, alright? I got that yank.
6:23 Dax Shepard? Now, here's the most incredible part of the story, I think. This gentleman who did pee on it.
6:30 Dax Shepard? I'm more suspicious of that guy than I am Aaron in this scenario.
6:34 Speaker 01 A he who was peed on?
6:36 Dax Shepard? Yes.
6:37 Speaker 01 He who pees.
6:38 Dax Shepard? He who chose and volunteered to pee on-
6:40 Speaker 01 To pee on a man's ass.
6:41 Dax Shepard? Another man's ass cheeks in a thong. I find more disturbing. There's nothing in it for him, other than, I guess, the pleasure of being on another man.
6:50 Speaker 01 The pleasure of peeing on another person, like a man? And he lost forty dollars, right?
6:54 Dax Shepard? Ten of it was his, I'm sure.
6:56 Speaker 01 Oh, oh, oh, okay.
6:57 Dax Shepard? So, as you know, Aaron's been driving Uber. He answers a call, he pulls up to this nice house, and the man who peed on him-
7:03 Speaker 01 No.
7:04 Dax Shepard? Having to drive him.
7:05 Speaker 01 The person who peed on you? You picked up an Uber twenty years later?
7:08 Dax Shepard? It was like four weeks ago.
7:09 Speaker 01 Get the fuck out of here. No.
7:10 Dax Shepard? I was like-
7:11 Speaker 01 No.
7:12 Dax Shepard? You've got to be fucking kidding me.
7:13 Speaker 01 Wait, the person from Detroit?
7:15 Dax Shepard? Yeah, so I pull up to this nice house on a lake, and I'm waiting in the driveway, and out comes this person. Pee pee man?
7:24 Speaker 01 You remembered him?
7:26 Dax Shepard? We know him well. He's a friend. But since sobriety, not a lot of interaction. Right.
7:31 Speaker 01 Okay.
7:31 Dax Shepard? No need for it. All wrapped up.
7:33 Speaker 01 Okay, I'm so fascinated. Okay, so he gets in the car-
7:35 Dax Shepard? He's already hammered.
7:36 Speaker 01 The guy is already hammered?
7:38 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah.
7:38 Speaker 01 Oh, so he's still going strong?
7:40 Dax Shepard? And he's been drinking all day.
7:41 Speaker 01 Okay.
7:41 Dax Shepard? And now him and his wife are going to a fucking party.
7:44 Speaker 01 Did he recognize- do they know him?
7:45 Dax Shepard? Oh, yeah, we know them very-
7:47 Speaker 01 So he's gotten- now it's so shit!
7:48 Dax Shepard? Immediately. They thought my car was like this car with all cameras on it. They thought like this was a big joke. In a million years, I wouldn't have picked that I would be getting them for a ride.
8:00 Speaker 01 Wait, so did you guys ever talk about that night?
8:03 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it came up a few times over the years. No, not in the car that night.
8:07 Speaker 01 Okay.
8:08 Dax Shepard? He loves it, of course. The guy who did the pee, he loves it.
8:11 Speaker 01 I wonder what else he loves?
8:12 Dax Shepard? I'm not embarrassed, obviously, I'm telling it right now. For many people to hear.
8:17 Speaker 01 I wish I was high right now, buddy.
8:19 Dax Shepard? But yeah, no, he was proud to always tell that story at a party and a-
8:23 Speaker 01 Oh, he was proud to tell that story?
8:25 Dax Shepard? Sure, sure, sure.
8:26 Speaker 01 Interesting.
8:27 Dax Shepard? Makes me think, you saw The Chappelle. We watched it together, right? The Chappelle monologue in Saturday Night Live?
8:31 Speaker 01 Yes.
8:31 Dax Shepard? That was like a twenty out of ten?
8:33 Speaker 01 Yes.
8:34 Dax Shepard? Oh, got one.
8:36 Speaker 01 Where?
8:37 Dax Shepard? Now Aaron's on it. He'll instruct me what to do.
8:39 Speaker 02 Okay, House of Pies.
8:42 Dax Shepard? Ooh, this is exciting.
8:43 Speaker 01 Yeah. Wait a minute.
8:45 Dax Shepard? Is it fun?
8:46 Speaker 01 Oh, wait, first of all.
8:47 Speaker 02 We're getting an added delivery.
8:50 Dax Shepard? Oh my God, is it multi-step one?
8:51 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So.
8:53 Dax Shepard? Oh, wow.
8:53 Speaker 02 House of Pies, we go.
8:55 Dax Shepard? Okay, great.
8:56 Speaker 02 I think there's probably two orders sitting there for us.
8:59 Dax Shepard? Oh, wow, mega bucks. People are religious about House of Pies.
9:03 Speaker 01 We've really never been.
9:04 Dax Shepard? Because look how, it does feel like you're time traveling to Los Feliz in the 70s or something. I mean, I'll sum up that whole story. It's just the dude's blasted. Aaron's got to wade through. Why are you driving Uber? Also, we need you to drive us home. Like, are you okay? You're driving Uber.
9:22 Dax Shepard? Things that really went south with you. You have cancer?
9:29 Speaker 01 Oh, okay. As he's mannered.
9:31 Speaker 02 And so you know the system. Aaron gets it, and I deliver it.
9:34 Speaker 01 Got it.
9:35 Dax Shepard? Oh my God, look how many pies he's got. Wow. Yeah, let him throw that shit in the back. All right.
9:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:40 Dax Shepard? Pie time. Big money, big money. Big money. Beautiful.
9:43 Speaker 01 It's also like, are you gonna feed me later?
9:45 Dax Shepard? Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll do whatever you want. I'll feed you.
9:49 Speaker 01 Yay.
9:51 Speaker 02 Where you going?
9:51 Dax Shepard? Joy has really, how would I describe your culinary pursuits? You get into things. Is it safe to say you get like?
9:58 Speaker 01 Yes.
9:59 Dax Shepard? So Joy, for two months, will just be like, do you want to go get some duck? And she'll eat duck.
10:05 Speaker 01 Oh my God, I had duck the other night. Yo, I fucking love duck. I fucking love duck.
10:12 Dax Shepard? She's a duck machine.
10:13 Speaker 01 Oh my God. I had duck the other night. Oh. And I'm about to have it later on for like leftovers.
10:19 Dax Shepard? Is it microwave well?
10:20 Speaker 01 No, no, no, I'm gonna pan, I'm gonna like heat it in the pan.
10:23 Dax Shepard? Okay, I can figure this out, right? What do we?
10:25 Speaker 01 Which one? This one right here.
10:27 Dax Shepard? Okay, great. All right, have fun finding that.
10:30 Speaker 02 Was that the one?
10:32 Dax Shepard? That was it.
10:33 Speaker 02 Okay.
10:33 Dax Shepard? Oh my god, the next one's eight miles away. Wait, that's why we're getting the big bucks.
10:37 Speaker 01 This one?
10:39 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
10:39 Speaker 02 Half hour.
10:40 Speaker 01 Which is so funny because eight miles is not really that far, but in L.A., eight miles is really far.
10:44 Dax Shepard? Yeah, in this case, 31 minutes. Okay, Joey, have you ever heard of moral dumbfounding questions?
10:50 Speaker 01 No, but I'm sure I've heard moral dumbfounding question.
10:53 Dax Shepard? I'm aware of it because Jonathan Haidt, he asks these moral dumbfounding questions to his students at the beginning of class. And what moral dumbfounding is, is you really can't mount an intellectual argument for why it's immoral, but your gut tells you it's wrong. And his work was proving that people more often than not listen to their gut, whether they can actually make a logical argument for why it's not moral. I think we start with the brother-sister one.
11:24 Speaker 01 Okay.
11:25 Dax Shepard? I think this is his most famous. And then he has his class fight about this, and of course, no one's ever happy.
11:32 Speaker 02 Okay, this is the incest scenario.
11:34 Speaker 01 Oh, god.
11:35 Dax Shepard? Oh!
11:37 Speaker 02 A brother and sister, both consenting adults, decide to have sex while on vacation.
11:46 Speaker 02 All right.
11:47 Speaker 01 Did you say while on vacation?
11:48 Dax Shepard? Yeah. First of all, already where they're on a vacation together. They might have more of a moral dilemma with going on just a vacation with your sibling than even having sex with them once you get on vacation.
11:57 Speaker 02 It gets better. They use protection and never do it again. They both feel like it made them closer, but tell no one. Is this morally wrong? If so, why?
12:10 Speaker 01 Is what wrong with they have sex, or is it wrong that he didn't tell anyone?
12:13 Dax Shepard? Is it, no, it's just the whole endeavor morally wrong. Now, there's clever things in there that I'm sure you already detected, which is they use protection. Because a lot of people's argument would be like, no, it's wrong because you'll have a defective child. So they've cleared that up, so there's no baby coming out of this. Consentings really relevant.
12:33 Speaker 02 Both feel it made them closer.
12:34 Dax Shepard? That's...
12:37 Dax Shepard? Awkward.
12:37 Speaker 01 I mean, it's incredibly intimate, okay.
12:39 Dax Shepard? I don't want to feel closer to a sibling.
12:44 Speaker 01 I mean.
12:44 Dax Shepard? Post-coitus.
12:45 Speaker 01 I mean, is it wrong? I don't know.
12:47 Dax Shepard? Is it immoral?
12:48 Speaker 01 I don't think it's immoral necessarily. It's not something that I would ever want to do.
12:54 Dax Shepard? The notion to me is absolutely repulsive. I have a sister. I've gone to great lengths to have no idea if she has boobs.
13:01 Speaker 01 Oh, wait a minute. Are these like?
13:03 Dax Shepard? Brother and sister. This is brother and sister.
13:05 Speaker 01 Not a step sister.
13:06 Dax Shepard? No, not at all.
13:12 Dax Shepard? I don't think step would even make it to a question.
13:14 Speaker 01 I don't know.
13:18 Dax Shepard? Yeah, we're all.
13:19 Speaker 01 That was clarified. In that sense, no, it's fine.
13:23 Dax Shepard? I had this scenario in my real life. I think I've told you about it, which is my mom's third husband came with a daughter who was two grades above me, who I had known. I had been in love with. I was like, I'm gonna live in the same house as this girl that I've liked.
13:39 Speaker 01 Oh, God.
13:40 Dax Shepard? And she's two grades older. I was so excited. She ignored me for however long they were married, two years or something, or a year and a half. But she, my brother, was then two grades above her, or three. So she had a crush on my brother for sure. And he ignored her, like, he just blocked her out. So there was a very weird step sibling love triangle that never went anywhere. Probably for the best.
14:02 Speaker 01 I think also the fact that they use protection, this is like best between them, going pretend like this never happened, we're not gonna tell anybody, it's over, it's done. I don't feel like I'm having a right to judge that.
14:11 Dax Shepard? I think it's weird, but I'm making my choices based on who's the victim in this scenario.
14:16 Speaker 01 There is no victim.
14:17 Dax Shepard? Right, cuz they don't tell anyone, cuz I would say like, the parents would be victims.
14:21 Speaker 01 How would the parents be victims?
14:22 Dax Shepard? If they found out their children made love on a vacation, I think they would be really troubled by that.
14:28 Speaker 01 And thus, they would be the victims.
14:29 Dax Shepard? And they would be going, oh, my God, what did we do wrong there? Brenda and John took a trip to Amsterdam. I'd like to note that Brenda and John are definitely doing this again. I think.
14:42 Speaker 01 It depends on how good it is.
14:45 Dax Shepard? Well, it sounds like, yeah, here it is. You with the premise, which is like, what do you mean they never did it again? They did it, they liked it and feel closer and now they decided one is done. But I guess for the sake of this moral dumbfounding, you have to concede.
14:57 Speaker 02 That's the scenario.
14:58 Dax Shepard? It's only one, it's one time.
15:00 Speaker 01 So in this instance, I am a libertine.
15:02 Dax Shepard? Okay, yeah. I am too. It's disgusting. I don't know that I could do it even to save all of mankind. Aaron has sisters as well.
15:10 Speaker 01 I'm the only child, so there's that perspective. Ooh, girl, stop texting when you driving.
15:15 Dax Shepard? Oh, you should ride a motorcycle between traffic. What you see is that forty percent of people are actively texting or watching a video.
15:22 Speaker 01 No.
15:23 Dax Shepard? And then forty percent are actively smoking weed.
15:26 Speaker 01 No.
15:26 Dax Shepard? Yeah, what you realize quickly as you're lane splitting on a motorcycle is that almost nobody in LA in traffic is actually driving. Their subconscious is just getting them to wherever they gotta go. Okay, Aaron, so do you have a verdict? Mine was, it's not immoral, it's just disgusting.
15:40 Speaker 02 That makes three of us.
15:41 Dax Shepard? You should have got a prude in the car. We need one prude in the car.
15:44 Speaker 02 I need someone.
15:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, we do that.
15:49 Dax Shepard? All good. What happens? You kill a dude and get twenty bucks off of him? All good.
15:53 Speaker 01 Whatever. Somebody peed on you for whatever. So?
15:57 Dax Shepard? Take the money and run.
15:58 Speaker 02 Yeah.
15:59 Speaker 01 Plus, you know what? Actually, it's good that it happened in the nineties before like smartphones and smartphones.
16:04 Dax Shepard? Oh, there would definitely be a video of it.
16:05 Speaker 01 Just think of all the shit that happened. Oh my god, these poor kids today.
16:10 Dax Shepard? That's a great silver lining that you're right about. Cause a thousand percent everyone would have videoed it.
16:15 Speaker 01 Yeah. I mean, you'd be a viral hit.
16:18 Dax Shepard? Now we're gonna discuss a problem from a listener.
16:21 Speaker 02 This is from Rachel in Santa Barbara.
16:24 Dax Shepard? Oh, great.
16:25 Speaker 02 My new man can't keep it up and it's ruining my... Oh. I, woman of thirty years old, recently started dating someone new, a man twenty-nine years old. Together and serious for about four months and things are honestly amazing. He's a vulnerable boy, just like you guys. And makes me feel very safe and loved.
16:49 Speaker 01 A what boy?
16:50 Dax Shepard? A vulnerable boy. We're vulnerable boys.
16:51 Speaker 01 Vulnerable?
16:52 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
16:53 Speaker 01 Vulnerable?
16:54 Dax Shepard? Yeah, we're vulnerable boys.
16:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
16:57 Dax Shepard? We're the vulnerable boys. We have a band. We've yet to record any of our songs.
17:00 Speaker 02 We don't think anyone can handle it yet.
17:02 Dax Shepard? But we write songs about being scared and overreacting.
17:05 Speaker 01 So it's beyond emo. The new, new age emo.
17:09 Dax Shepard? Mid-century emo.
17:10 Speaker 01 Right, mid-century emo. Got it.
17:12 Speaker 02 Yes, definitely.
17:13 Speaker 01 I love it.
17:13 Speaker 02 However, when we have sex, his penis won't stay inside me when I start having an orgasm. He says that contractions are pushing him out, which sounds made up. Because it has never happened before.
17:30 Dax Shepard? First of all, very jealous of her Kegel muscles.
17:32 Speaker 01 Exactly.
17:33 Dax Shepard? If she can fucking eject a penis, that's how hard.
17:36 Speaker 02 That's some big fucking O and happening.
17:38 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I've never.
17:40 Speaker 01 I bet she snatched. Literally, she snapped.
17:43 Dax Shepard? And I have not given an O of that quality, apparently.
17:46 Speaker 01 Wow.
17:47 Dax Shepard? Shoot me out.
17:48 Speaker 02 Nor have I.
17:50 Dax Shepard? I hate to admit.
17:53 Speaker 02 So she thinks it sounds made up and she's assuming he can't stay hard.
17:58 Dax Shepard? Her assumption is that he is getting soft.
18:01 Speaker 01 And then saying that it's because of her.
18:03 Dax Shepard? Her erratic contractions.
18:05 Speaker 02 To be fair, I usually get it one way or the other. But when he's softening up and sliding out, right when I'm about to O, it ruins the momentum and the mood. How do I talk about it with him without potentially embarrassing him or making him feel bad? Please help me, vulnerable boys.
18:25 Dax Shepard? Vulnerable boys to the rescue. I want to hear a woman's perspective. What from her point of view makes sense to you? What are you confused by?
18:33 Speaker 01 I would imagine that contractions and Kegels are very stimulating to a penis when it's inside of you. And there's lots of benefits for that. And that could be overstimulating to her partner, right? Because sometimes being overly stimulated will cause the penis to go in the opposite direction. To go quiet. So girl, I feel your pain, child. I feel your pain, sis.
18:56 Dax Shepard? I guess that's a good question. Has this ever happened to you? Because I call bullshit on a lot of this already. I think he's coming. She's about to orgasm and it's so exciting when you're a dude and the girl's about to come. Well, for me at least, that's when it's very hardest not to spray is when she's about to come. So my hunch is she's about to spray and he does and then it goes soft. Or he's about to, so he pulls out, so he doesn't spray. I have some follow up questions for her.
19:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:23 Dax Shepard? But I don't think he's hard and then right when it gets super exciting, he's flaccid. That I can't relate to personally.
19:30 Speaker 01 Look, you never want to emasculate or make anyone feel bad.
19:33 Dax Shepard? I feel bad for y'all. How do you bring anything up?
19:35 Speaker 01 You just have to. You never talk about it in bed.
19:38 Dax Shepard? Okay, great. Okay, good.
19:39 Speaker 01 You don't talk about sex and what's working, what's not working in bed unless you're like actually fucking and you're like, okay, do this, do it like, you know?
19:45 Dax Shepard? Right, right.
19:46 Speaker 01 But like after the fact, you don't talk about any issues or whatever in bed. Take it out of the bedroom and always come from a place of calm, love, right?
19:54 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah.
19:55 Speaker 01 Because it is sensitive, but I think it's more so that because we're so reluctant to talk about it. More so that when you start talking about it, it's actually not that bad sometimes. So I think that it's just like, you know, hey, I just noticed that when we're having sex and I'm about to come, like, I just want to talk about what that feels like for you.
20:10 Dax Shepard? Right.
20:10 Speaker 01 Because what I would like is X, Y, Z. What can we do differently so that you might be able to, so that I can be able to?
20:19 Dax Shepard? Yep. Okay, so there's a lot going. I think it's going to be tricky because he's made a claim that I feel like she might have to refuse, which is it's ejecting your penis. So I don't know how we tackle that quite yet, but I think maybe I would go in steps for her, which is, okay, let's assume he's telling the truth and it's getting rejected. That can't happen if she's riding him. If she's on top and she's sitting on it, it can't get ejected. Would we agree with the physics of that?
20:47 Speaker 01 Yeah. And you know what? Now that I'm thinking about it.
20:50 Dax Shepard? Yeah, think more about it.
20:50 Speaker 01 I mean. There is the whole thing of like deliberately squeezing your kegels while the penis is inside of you.
20:57 Dax Shepard? Sure.
20:57 Speaker 01 Not involuntary. I don't know that like, oh, you're coming and now you're contracting. So I don't buy what he's saying.
21:05 Dax Shepard? I think it's possible, but I think it's highly improbable.
21:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:08 Dax Shepard? So first order of business would be like, hey, I know you're saying it's popping out. I would love for it to be in there when I hit my peak. Can I try riding you to see if it won't pop out? Okay, great. What's he gonna say? No, you can't ride me? He's gonna say, yes, you can ride.
21:23 Speaker 01 Right.
21:24 Dax Shepard? That's my assumption. Now, if he still pops out in that scenario, I think he's limp. And now we can address in the debrief after that sex, we could maybe say like, well, wow, it still popped out. Do you think you're losing your erection? To me, the options on the table are like, well, if you're losing your erection, just use Viagra. If it's really a loss of erection, there's medicine. Just fucking take Viagra.
21:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:48 Dax Shepard? But again, my hunch is he's probably coming early. I can relate to this. When I was younger, oh, what a stressful thing. Someone's gotta teach you to handle your business before you do your business. Everything will be golden.
21:58 Speaker 01 And also there's performance anxiety and those kinds of things.
22:02 Dax Shepard? But I think, why is it getting soft? Is it getting soft because you're orgasming me and going, that's so flattering? Like putting a real positive spin on it. And then you gotta talk about, okay, what if I blow you a half hour before we have sex? And then give it a go and see if you can hang in the saddle.
22:18 Speaker 02 Joey, what you said about the talk and not in bed, until Ruthie, who I'm married to now, I never, or at least maybe I didn't hear them, never had a talk about anything open with the sex. It just happened.
22:32 Speaker 01 I feel like a lot of people don't.
22:34 Speaker 02 But it's very healthy.
22:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
22:36 Dax Shepard? It's hard.
22:37 Speaker 01 It's hard.
22:37 Dax Shepard? I want to acknowledge it's so hard. Because I think it's the easiest way to like destroy someone's self-esteem. I think we all intersect going like, I hope I'm enough. If you're a dude, it's about how big's your dick, which she doesn't even care about. But as a dude, you think so. It's like, am I big enough? Then do I last long enough? Am I hitting all this accoutrement you have correctly?
22:59 Speaker 01 Am I hitting the walls?
23:01 Dax Shepard? Am I bottoming out? Am I hitting the walls?
23:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah. Alright. Why not?
23:05 Dax Shepard? Meet at door. I get to meet this person.
23:07 Speaker 02 Yes.
23:08 Dax Shepard? Okay, wonderful. Now I want to get back closer to our house.
23:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's what we were saying. I'm not mad at this little subdivision in the city.
23:13 Speaker 02 Yeah, I find a lot of times you can't get into buildings.
23:16 Dax Shepard? Yeah, very Melrose Place-y. What were your shows, Joy, when you were in high school? Were you sucked into any of these white dramas like Iowa?
23:22 Speaker 01 White drama?
23:25 Dax Shepard? Like Beverly Hills, 90210?
23:27 Speaker 01 White drama. Hashtag white drama.
23:30 Dax Shepard? We got drama too.
23:31 Speaker 01 Yo.
23:33 Speaker 01 Y'all definitely got fucking drama. That is the great, that's like a great name for a show. Yo, white drama. What's it about? It's all in the title. White drama.
23:40 Dax Shepard? I wonder if you could just declare a show these days, like, this show's gonna be 100% white.
23:44 Speaker 01 This is like 100%, this is a white drama.
23:46 Dax Shepard? This is a white show.
23:47 Speaker 01 This is a white, white ass show.
23:49 Dax Shepard? Everyone's free to watch it, but it is for white people only.
23:52 Speaker 01 It is about some white bullshit. White drama.
23:57 Speaker 02 They'll say that up in the corner before it starts. This is for the white bullshit.
24:02 Speaker 01 This is for the white bullshit, just to let you know. It's gonna be good. I'm just white bullshit.
24:07 Dax Shepard? It'll be exactly what you expect.
24:09 Speaker 01 It'll be exactly what...
24:10 Speaker 02 You're not gonna relate to it, but it will entertain you.
24:14 Speaker 01 It's gonna be under-seasoned, but it's gonna be good.
24:18 Dax Shepard? Under-seasoned.
24:21 Speaker 01 It's gonna be raisins in the potato salad, but it's gonna, you know, whatever. You pick it out.
24:27 Dax Shepard? Did you like any of those shows though?
24:28 Speaker 01 Yes, I loved 90210, Melrose Place.
24:31 Dax Shepard? Also, you were in that boarding school that was a bunch of honkies, right? They were probably all watching Melrose and talking about it.
24:37 Speaker 01 Weird thing is, I gotta remember watching a lot of TV in high school, because I think we had TV in maybe some of the common rooms or something like that, but I didn't really watch a lot.
24:44 Dax Shepard? So which one did you watch? Party of Five?
24:46 Speaker 01 I wasn't really into Party of Five.
24:48 Dax Shepard? That was extra white.
24:48 Speaker 01 Threw some names out.
24:49 Speaker 02 Well, you did.
24:50 Dax Shepard? Well, Beverly Hills, 90210.
24:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, totally.
24:52 Speaker 02 And Melrose.
24:53 Dax Shepard? And did you have a favorite character on 90210?
24:55 Speaker 01 Dylan.
24:56 Speaker 02 Dylan.
24:56 Dax Shepard? Dylan, yeah. Hi, Brandon. We love Brandon. He's a nice ass, but it's all about the bad boy.
25:04 Speaker 02 With the raspy boy.
25:05 Dax Shepard? In a Porsche, convertible Porsche, in high school.
25:08 Speaker 01 Wait, he had a convertible Porsche?
25:09 Dax Shepard? Yes, yes.
25:11 Speaker 01 What a badass.
25:12 Dax Shepard? Yeah, he rolled around a little Porsche Spider.
25:15 Speaker 01 Fucking A.
25:15 Dax Shepard? Yeah, hard to beat. But then Brandon got a 65 Mustang.
25:20 Speaker 02 Sure did.
25:21 Dax Shepard? Yeah, at one point.
25:24 Dax Shepard? I love that the premise of that show was that they were poor. And they kept showing their house, like a 4,000 square foot house in Beverly Hills.
25:31 Speaker 01 They're poor.
25:31 Dax Shepard? And you're like, God, I don't know how they're...
25:33 Speaker 02 Embarrassed around their friends.
25:35 Dax Shepard? Yes, don't want to get picked up in front of their house.
25:40 Dax Shepard? Who would be your top three lists of people you would want to smoke a joint with? You bring your own, I guess, in this scenario. Seth Rogen's number one.
25:48 Speaker 01 Yes. He's number one, two, three.
25:50 Dax Shepard? I might be able to broker that.
25:51 Speaker 01 No way. I would smoke more than one hit with Seth Rogen.
25:55 Dax Shepard? Okay.
25:55 Speaker 01 Although I kind of feel like his weed is very strong too, but I would just bring my own as well.
25:59 Dax Shepard? This is one of Joy's hot takes that I loved when we were doing Parenthood. She was like, okay, Seth Rogen and James Franco, they're in all these movies together. And all the girls are wild for Franco. And he's objectively cute. I get it.
26:10 Speaker 02 Sure.
26:10 Dax Shepard? She goes, but for my money, give me a night with Seth Rogen.
26:13 Speaker 01 Yep.
26:14 Dax Shepard? And I was like, girl.
26:15 Speaker 01 Look.
26:17 Speaker 01 And he likes to eat and he smokes weed.
26:19 Dax Shepard? Yeah, this is the dream hang.
26:21 Speaker 01 The snacks would be crazy.
26:25 Speaker 01 And the snacks would be crazy.
26:28 Speaker 02 Love it.
26:29 Dax Shepard? Okay, so Seth Rogen, number one. Woody Harrelson, any interest?
26:36 Speaker 01 You know, I never thought of my top dream stoner. Yeah, I would love a Woody Harrelson.
26:41 Dax Shepard? A hang with Woody Harrelson?
26:42 Speaker 01 But when you threw out Willie Nelson and then Snoop, that's tough because these are like the...
26:46 Dax Shepard? They're in the mouth.
26:47 Speaker 01 Well, this is how I break it down. This is how I break it down. It's like, there's platinum status, gold, silver, bronze, and pewter. Now, I have friends who are like platinum level stoners, like homies. And I know I can't smoke with them, but I know that if they were to get with like Snoop, Willie, or whoever, they would go toe to toe. One of my homegirls in New York, this bitch. One time we did edibles and they were five milligram each, and of course I did one. She did five, which means she had 60 milligrams to my five. And I was high and she looked high, but she was totally functioning and kind of doing her shit.
27:22 Dax Shepard? Right.
27:22 Speaker 01 And I was like, oh yeah, girl.
27:24 Dax Shepard? Well, that is the weird question I kind of sometimes ask myself is if you wake and bake... And you maintain and you're, yeah, you're not altered. It's just curious. I'm not even sure that you know.
27:35 Speaker 01 I would.
27:35 Dax Shepard? When you're stoned, you know what I'm saying?
27:37 Speaker 01 Well, back in the day, I was someone who smoked all day and I could function and do anything and everything.
27:43 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
27:43 Speaker 01 But now I don't have that level of tolerance, so I can't just be smoking all day and handle the things that I need to handle.
27:50 Dax Shepard? So weirdly, okay, and your tolerance went down.
27:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:53 Dax Shepard? I just interviewed Seth. He said he smoked with Snoop and he just got blown away. And I was like, oh, it's interesting. There are rungs.
27:59 Speaker 01 So for me, on that scale, I'm like bronze to pewter because I do smoke probably more than the average person. There's different modalities that I tap into with weed.
28:11 Dax Shepard? Okay. And have you dabbled in another craze I'm noticing is a lot of people doing mushroom chocolate. Have you fucked with that?
28:18 Speaker 01 Yes.
28:18 Dax Shepard? It's great, right?
28:19 Speaker 01 It's fucking awesome. Remember that time I told you I walked from the Hollywood Bowl past your house?
28:24 Dax Shepard? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You were chocolate it up.
28:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, like that was not a great idea, but I did that.
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29:15 Dax Shepard? Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Co. and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hey, parents, it's that time of year again, back to school madness. But before you start hyperventilating into a paper bag, let me tell you about a little lifesaver called Uber Eats. Right now, they're offering up to 40% off back to school essentials. You heard that right, 40%. We're talking notebooks, colored pencils, calculators, glue sticks, all that stuff your kids need to become the next Einstein. Or at least past the sixth grade. But wait, there's more. Uber Eats has your lunchbox game covered too. Get discounts on string cheese, juice boxes, fresh fruit, Lunchables,
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30:26 Dax Shepard? What's great about this mushroom thing is you never knew when you were taking shrooms. I've eaten a pound of shrooms in my life. Aaron and I famously bought a half pound in Santa Cruz, which was two gallon sized Ziploc bags. And we kept one gallon for our consumption and then Aaron sold the other gallon in Detroit and we made for us a fucking fortune. I think we made like 1,200 bucks or something and got a free quarter pound. Anyways, you didn't know what you're taking. You're like, I guess I'm doing four stems and six caps. What does that mean? And even if people had scales like, well, weigh at three point, well, how much of it is psilocybin inside of all these stems and shit? The notion that you can take
31:10 Dax Shepard? that chocolate and you know exactly what it is, is pretty radical.
31:15 Speaker 02 Yeah. Did I tell you this was actually your chips premiere? I'm sure I never had mentioned. I was so embarrassed about it. But um, so Scotty and I were staying in a hotel together. We were gonna go to your house because your family was there. Mom and Dave Barton and everybody. And I hadn't seen anybody in a long time, but I was also really peaking in my fucking addiction and everything else at the time. In my mind, this was a good idea because I thought it would keep me chill. Scotty went and got a candy bar and each little piece was five milligrams.
31:49 Speaker 01 This is a weed or mushroom?
31:51 Dax Shepard? Weed chocolate.
31:52 Speaker 02 Yeah. So he fucking chomps like- Ten of them down.
31:57 Dax Shepard? Wow.
31:57 Speaker 02 Like a crazy amount and I know myself, I can fucking do an ounce of coke and drink a crazy amount, but I can't smoke weed.
32:06 Dax Shepard? We've never been strong in that category, Aaron and I.
32:09 Speaker 02 I think it was March Madness at the time, setting this up. So we're gonna go to a bar, watch some basketball, have a couple beers, keep it chill, so we can go at dinner with you and the family. And then your premiere wasn't till the following day, I think. I had one, a five milligram piece. We go to the bar. I've lost my sight. I went, I started when I realized my paranoia set in. The bar was busy. All of a sudden, I decided that the bartender didn't want me there. Or no, just the waitress, we're sitting at a table.
32:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
32:44 Speaker 02 Although we're drinking and eating.
32:46 Dax Shepard? Doing everything a waitress might want you to do.
32:48 Speaker 02 I was like, it was so strong. I can't be here anymore. Scotty was like, whoa, what the fuck? So, no, we'll stay. Thirty minutes later, I just go blind. I'm watching, I'm like looking outside and it just is gone. I can barely see Scotty's orbit right next to me and I'm like.
33:09 Speaker 01 No, no, no.
33:10 Speaker 02 Yeah, so fast forward to Scotty holding my hand and walking me back to the hotel.
33:18 Dax Shepard? Tell him at some point, I can't see.
33:19 Speaker 02 Yes, I told him I was completely blind.
33:22 Dax Shepard? Oh my god.
33:23 Speaker 02 So.
33:24 Dax Shepard? What do you do with that info? Cause you're like, well, you're not. There's no way your eyes got damaged while we were watching this basketball game.
33:32 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
33:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, so he held my hand and he walked me back and I was like just barely seeing shapes.
33:41 Speaker 02 I'm like, I'm gonna get hit by a car for sure.
33:43 Speaker 01 Oh my god. Thank god you weren't alone.
33:46 Speaker 02 So we get back, the pool was not even open. It's outside. I jump in it.
33:52 Dax Shepard? At my house?
33:53 Speaker 02 No, no, no, at the hotel. You know, I'm like, I need some cold water anyway, so I can see. Yeah, so I do that, nothing. I go into the shower. Now it's almost time to leave for dinner and I'm like, I can't see. And I was like, I can't. Yeah, so I remember Scotty called you or texted me and said, yeah, weekly, you know, it's not having a or whatever. I don't know how we worded it.
34:20 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I don't remember that.
34:21 Speaker 02 Okay, yeah. Well, you had a lot going on.
34:23 Dax Shepard? A lot going on.
34:23 Speaker 02 And I remember you were not, you weren't happy. You were disappointed, which was the worst part, of course, for me. I'm like, well, she would just be mad at me. But no, he's disappointed and still loves me.
34:39 Speaker 02 So I called it a wrap and like slept for 13 hours.
34:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, because that's what you gotta do. You gotta just go to sleep.
34:46 Dax Shepard? I do wonder though, if it was in your head, I was disappointed.
34:49 Speaker 02 Possibly, yeah.
34:50 Dax Shepard? Because I have no memory of it. And just also, I can't imagine ever if someone's fucked up and they pull something like, being judgmental. I just did it so much. I missed birthday parties. I was late for Christmas. I would have just been like, oh yeah, that makes sense.
35:06 Speaker 02 Yeah.
35:07 Dax Shepard? Probably better he didn't roll up annihilate. I may be even grateful. I feel like is what I would have felt.
35:13 Speaker 02 I come with a cane.
35:14 Speaker 01 And like dark sunglasses. You're like, what the fuck?
35:18 Dax Shepard? Did he get hot acid in his eyes?
35:21 Speaker 01 Oh my God.
35:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, you're surely right. I probably made that part up. Being disappointed in my own.
35:27 Speaker 01 You definitely made that up in your head.
35:28 Speaker 02 With myself.
35:30 Speaker 01 A thousand percent made it up in your head.
35:31 Speaker 02 All you have to do is be chilled for one day.
35:33 Speaker 01 No, no.
35:35 Dax Shepard? And you tried. That was Tommy. You should have tried.
35:38 Speaker 01 Wait, so when you woke up?
35:39 Speaker 02 Just gonna drink some beer.
35:41 Speaker 01 Was your vision restored?
35:42 Speaker 02 A hundred percent, yeah.
35:43 Dax Shepard? Twenty twenty?
35:44 Speaker 01 Look at this.
35:45 Speaker 02 Went to the premiere that day, saw you, saw everyone.
35:49 Speaker 01 Oh my God. Oh my God, I'm so sorry that happened to you.
35:55 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm like, let me go back to my old self.
35:56 Dax Shepard? Oh, what's this? What, except, oh, look at this. I'm turning right, no, roast duck by.
36:02 Speaker 01 Stop it. Stop it.
36:03 Speaker 02 Oh my God, this feels like a blessing because, did you order?
36:08 Speaker 01 It's me, guys.
36:09 Speaker 02 She ordered some duck.
36:10 Dax Shepard? Oh, I see roasted duck.
36:11 Speaker 01 Get the fuck out of here.
36:12 Dax Shepard? Look at this. Oh, this is gonna be hard for Joy to not get nibbling on this duck.
36:16 Speaker 02 I wanna fucking puke when this duck gets in the car.
36:20 Speaker 01 They not getting his order. Bam. Can you bring a menu out?
36:27 Speaker 01 Holy shit!
36:29 Dax Shepard? I can't believe you desire duck that much.
36:31 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
36:32 Dax Shepard? It's like a kink for you.
36:34 Speaker 01 It's like a kink to me.
36:36 Dax Shepard? It's a kink.
36:37 Speaker 02 I think he said, "You're real careful."
36:39 Dax Shepard? He's extra careful. It's extra greasy.
36:42 Speaker 02 I'm holding it like a baby.
36:43 Speaker 01 Do you want me to put it back here?
36:44 Dax Shepard? No, he said, "Keep it upright."
36:45 Speaker 02 No, I'll hold it.
36:47 Speaker 01 Okay.
36:47 Speaker 02 How do I? This is my...
36:48 Speaker 01 You don't trust me?
36:49 Speaker 02 Make it.
36:53 Dax Shepard? Okay, moral dumbfounding.
36:54 Speaker 02 All right, Joy, you're gonna like this. Corpse desecration.
36:59 Dax Shepard? Great.
36:59 Speaker 01 Okay.
37:00 Speaker 02 A medical student alone in a lab finds an unclaimed cadaver. They decide to have sex with it, knowing that no one will ever find out, and the person is already dead. Is this morally wrong?
37:16 Dax Shepard? Yeah, this one's really hard to not say. It's absolutely wrong.
37:21 Speaker 01 I think it's absolutely wrong because it's still a violation. You were not given consent. And then at that point, does the body belong to the family?
37:30 Dax Shepard? That's why I think he was clever in saying "unclaimed."
37:33 Speaker 02 Unclaimed.
37:34 Dax Shepard? Well, you notice these clever things that he puts in there to prevent you from making that argument. Like, oh, the family would be upset.
37:42 Speaker 01 I still think that it's a no-go.
37:44 Speaker 02 Isn't it only a misdemeanor legally?
37:50 Dax Shepard? I gotta imagine it's a felony, having sex with...
37:53 Speaker 02 I don't think so.
37:55 Speaker 02 Especially unclaimed.
37:57 Dax Shepard? How about this? When I'm dead, I don't care what anyone does with my body. I'm dead.
38:03 Speaker 01 You don't care if someone fucks you? I don't fuck you in the...
38:07 Dax Shepard? I don't want someone to fuck me. I hope someone can get some enjoyment out of my...
38:15 Speaker 01 Fuck that. I care if some dude fucks me when I'm dead. I care about that. I don't want some random dude just fucking, like, busting off at me when I'm dead.
38:22 Dax Shepard? I bet we can make this harder really easily. And you say, "The cadaver's a man, and a rigor mortis caused his penis to stay erect, and it's a woman who does it."
38:36 Speaker 02 Ooh.
38:37 Dax Shepard? You gotta admit, it's different than a dude banging a female corpse, right?
38:41 Speaker 01 Because that male is penetrating versus...
38:44 Dax Shepard? No, I just think it's the moral dumbfoundedness, right? Like, I just know guys are worse. They're doing all the raping. And so if a gal gets off on a dead guy, and then you also, you gotta assume a dead guy would definitely love for his dead body to be had sex with by a woman. Admittedly, I'm more open to a woman doing it to me than a man doing it to my corpse.
39:07 Speaker 01 It's almost like you're donating your body to science in a way?
39:09 Dax Shepard? Yes, I'm donating it to someone who presumably can't otherwise have sex if they're having sex with corpse. Okay, we'll put a pin in this. We'll be right back.
39:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
39:20 Speaker 01 Jack, let's pull up that menu.
39:21 Dax Shepard? What if you just wanted to meet them, because you're like, hey, I like duck a ton too.
39:25 Speaker 01 Do you have any extra? Can I come hang out, you guys? I'm like obsessed with this fucking duck place. I can't think of anything else but this fucking duck. God damn it.
39:33 Dax Shepard? They own a Cybertruck. What do you think, love duck plus Cybertruck just puts you right back at zero?
39:39 Speaker 01 Um.
39:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:46 Dax Shepard? Net zero. It's a push.
39:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's a push.
39:51 Speaker 02 Okay, so we were at the what if it's a guy cadaver?
39:54 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I guess I'm asking, are you more comfortable with a woman having sex with a male cadaver than a man having sex with a female cadaver?
40:02 Speaker 01 That does kind of feel different.
40:05 Dax Shepard? Logically, I go, it's the same, but I-
40:07 Speaker 01 But at the same time, it's-
40:09 Dax Shepard? This is similar to, we've debated at length whether it's okay to have sex with a dolphin, a human, because dolphins are so horny.
40:17 Speaker 01 Dolphins are very horny.
40:19 Dax Shepard? They're the horniest. And what we have decided we feel comfortable with is a woman being in love with a male dolphin, but not a man being in love with a female dolphin. Because the male dolphin has to do the penetrating. We know it's consensual because he's initiating and doing it. And for some reason, that just feels a lot better to me than a dude deciding the dolphin loved him back and wanted it. I don't trust a guy to make that call.
40:43 Speaker 02 Which is always the case.
40:44 Dax Shepard? Yes, we don't have a great track record, so. How do you feel about a woman and a male dolphin as lovers?
40:56 Speaker 02 I love it.
40:58 Dax Shepard? I do too. I'm happy for both. I'm certainly stoked for the dolphin.
41:01 Speaker 02 Me too.
41:02 Dax Shepard? Like, what a pimp. He's got interspecies appeal.
41:06 Speaker 02 Right. Yeah.
41:08 Speaker 01 Did you just come up with a new morally dumbfounding question?
41:12 Dax Shepard? I think so. Yeah, yeah. I think I should pitch this. I'm gonna email this to Jonathan.
41:17 Speaker 01 I didn't even pitch that.
41:18 Dax Shepard? Great news. I have a new one.
41:19 Speaker 01 Bestiality. Is it okay?
41:21 Dax Shepard? With only a dolphin because they're super intelligent?
41:24 Speaker 01 With dolphin dick and a consenting woman.
41:26 Dax Shepard? Because we see them trying all the time. There's untold videos of these.
41:29 Speaker 01 Oh, no. I was obsessed with naughty dolphins.
41:33 Dax Shepard? Naughty dolphins.
41:35 Speaker 01 Dirty dolphins.
41:38 Dax Shepard? Naughty dolphins. That's a great show I would watch.
41:41 Speaker 01 Dirty dolphins?
41:42 Dax Shepard? White drama and naughty dolphins. That's a block? That's a solid couple hours of television.
41:49 Speaker 01 Oh, my God. Dirty dolphins.
41:50 Dax Shepard? Back to the cadaver. Aaron, what do you think?
41:52 Speaker 02 Some people may not like this, but I don't think it's morally wrong.
41:58 Speaker 01 Did you say you don't think it's morally wrong?
42:00 Speaker 02 I did. I did.
42:03 Dax Shepard? I know how Jim would go that way.
42:05 Speaker 02 I think that person is a perv.
42:07 Dax Shepard? He's just having sex with a steak at that point.
42:09 Speaker 02 Yes.
42:10 Dax Shepard? The question is, is this dude nasty as hell? The nastiest.
42:14 Speaker 01 The nastiest.
42:15 Dax Shepard? The nastiest.
42:16 Speaker 02 Yeah.
42:16 Dax Shepard? But again, I'm having a hard time finding the victim.
42:19 Speaker 01 I still think the victim is the body.
42:21 Speaker 02 Yeah.
42:21 Speaker 01 Because it still lacks consent, and you are taking advantage of a body, even though the body is no longer alive. It's still a body. And so for those reasons, I would have the same issue if it was a woman with a dead hard dude.
42:35 Speaker 02 Same?
42:36 Dax Shepard? Well, I think this question also would be harder if you believed in an afterlife.
42:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
42:41 Dax Shepard? I think that's in the mix a little bit, right?
42:43 Speaker 02 I think that's probably one of my main reasons.
42:45 Dax Shepard? I think that person doesn't exist anymore. So I don't think there's actually a person to consider.
42:50 Speaker 01 I don't necessarily think that person exists anymore either. I still feel that it's still a body. It's still a human being, even though that human being is no longer.
42:58 Dax Shepard? You don't have rights to just any body you find, right?
43:00 Speaker 01 No, you don't.
43:01 Dax Shepard? That's fair. But I do think if you're deeply Christian and you believe you'll be in heaven watching this person violate your corpse, it's easy to find a way to victimhood in that. If you believe you'll be in heaven and could somehow observe this.
43:16 Speaker 01 Yeah. See, I don't believe in that. I'm not religious at all necessarily, but I just believe in. You're crossing a line, man.
43:23 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
43:23 Speaker 01 The fucking line.
43:24 Dax Shepard? This one I will say of all these.
43:25 Speaker 01 You're crossing a line.
43:26 Dax Shepard? Of all these I've heard.
43:27 Speaker 01 Take your dick somewhere else, dude. I got it. I was like, what, you want to go to fucking grave and like dig up some shit and like same thing?
43:34 Dax Shepard? Let's paint the most generous defense of the person possible for one second, which is, I didn't pick what I'm into. Luckily, I happen to be into women who are my age and have been my whole life. I'm not a good person because I picked peers my age who I want to consent. That's just how I am. I don't think anyone picks being a pedophile. No one's trying to be a pedophile. I think that's a terrible way to go through life on planet Earth. I mean, what would you do? So I don't think anyone picks that. So let's just assume for a second there is someone, guy or a girl, who they were born, the only thing they ever are gonna want to have sex with is a corpse. They didn't decide that. That's just how it is. They're never gonna have sex with an alive person.
44:19 Dax Shepard? If they're ever gonna be sexual in their whole life, it's gonna be with a corpse. And now they're in this situation where it's like, oh, here's this corpse. They're dead. It's not like they're gonna be upset or in any discomfort. Now's my chance. I'm mildly sympathetic if there's someone that was born that way and that's just how they are and I just got lucky and it's easy to be like me. That's as good of an argument as I could maybe make. You're still out.
44:41 Speaker 02 But if it's a normal person like you.
44:43 Dax Shepard? And you're just horny. And you're like, I mean, they're gonna jerk off.
44:46 Speaker 02 Sure.
44:47 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I'm a piece of shit.
44:49 Speaker 02 Yeah.
44:50 Dax Shepard? I'm a lazy piece. I was like, fuck, I was gonna jerk off, but this seems a little bit easier.
44:58 Dax Shepard? Five percent easier.
45:01 Speaker 02 Can you imagine that seems easier? And Jack and.
45:05 Dax Shepard? Well, that's where you get into the weirder conversation is like what dudes do in prison. That one's really interesting.
45:12 Speaker 01 Is that one of the questions too?
45:13 Dax Shepard? No, but I'm just now thinking about the notion that there are dudes who will fuck other guys while they're in prison and get oral from them and then get out and never do that again. That's not their preference, but in a pinch they'll do it. And then I used to watch that show hookers on the point on HBO.
45:31 Speaker 01 Love that show.
45:32 Dax Shepard? It's the best show ever, right?
45:33 Speaker 01 Remember?
45:34 Dax Shepard? And the narrator? Yeah.
45:36 Speaker 01 I'm not calling back, girl. I'm sucking dick right now.
45:38 Dax Shepard? Verbatim. I love the narrator. The narrator, this is how he thought, he go, he go, the ladies on the point are working hard to match sucking and fucking. Like and then.
45:53 Speaker 01 That's so good. Do you think we could find that on Max?
45:56 Dax Shepard? I don't know that it's on there unfortunately, but that was Nate and I's show. We loved watching hookers on the point together. And our favorite episode, which was so confusing, was this guy had picked up one of our heroes from the show. The white chick with no teeth. She's like, how are you tonight, baby? He's like, good. I just got out of prison today. And she's like, oh, welcome home, baby. She starts blowing him in the middle of it. Now he's, he's getting really into it. And he's like, oh, fuck. I want some balls in my mouth. And Nate and I were like, whoa, what's happening in this man's mind? He got a female hooker, but now he's like, I want some balls in my mouth.
46:39 Dax Shepard? And he said it a few times and she goes, oh, you kinky. And I was like, that's more the service that a sex worker might provide than people might think, right? Which is you might think they're just there to have an orgasm, but the acceptance that those gals have of whatever anyone's thing is.
46:58 Dax Shepard? Is nice, right? Like, maybe you are, in quotes, you're straight or who cares? You want a woman to blow you, but you wanna talk about sucking balls the whole time.
47:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's okay.
47:09 Dax Shepard? That's okay?
47:09 Speaker 02 Yeah.
47:10 Speaker 01 And I don't think that makes you whatever.
47:14 Dax Shepard? We don't have a category. We don't need a category for this.
47:19 Speaker 01 Isn't that about the sort of fluidity of sexuality and things like that, right? And I think that also plays into how men could potentially have sex with each other in prison, but get out and they're like, okay, well, that was then.
47:31 Dax Shepard? So, yeah, when Nate and I lived together, we were in our different bedrooms every morning. We'd be doing our computer work and every now and then I'd just hear from down the hallway,
47:45 Dax Shepard? "The ladies are working hard tonight on the point."
47:53 Speaker 01 Yeah. So, I was vegetarian from 94 until 2018. And during that time, I was like a pescalectarian. I would have-
48:02 Dax Shepard? Say those years again, I wanna do the fast math. What is it, 90?
48:05 Speaker 01 94 to 2018.
48:07 Dax Shepard? So, 24 years. And when I met you-
48:10 Speaker 01 I was vegetarian.
48:11 Dax Shepard? You were vegetarian, you were starting to fuck with fish sticks. We need to tell that story. In route to this answer.
48:19 Speaker 01 Oh, no, damn it.
48:23 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
48:24 Dax Shepard? Let's tell her in that really-
48:25 Speaker 02 Please, please.
48:27 Speaker 01 Okay, so when we were filming Parenthood, I was clearly such a granny bitch.
48:33 Dax Shepard? And also, let me just say from my point of view, I had met Joy before Parenthood. I'm like, oh, this is one of the most beautiful women on the planet. I thought that every time I met her, right? And now I'm on the show with her and we're playing fiancés.
48:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
48:46 Dax Shepard? I'm like, I hit the lottery. Is this who I have to kiss? Is this former supermodel? So, just now, going into it, I'm like, I hit the lottery. Okay, sorry.
48:57 Speaker 01 I was just a regular model, wasn't really a supermodel, but I hear what you're saying. So, on this one day, we have this scene where we're gonna kiss. In the lead up to this scene, he has watched me. Cause at that time, I was smoking cigarettes. So, he'd watch me have a cigarette with a cup of coffee. Then he watches me, like, you know, little time goes by, I'm at the craft service, I'm eating a hard-boiled egg.
49:24 Speaker 01 Or it could have been either hard-boiled or like, what do you call them? Oh, devil. It was either hard-boiled devil, either one.
49:29 Dax Shepard? Going hard on the eggs in the morning.
49:31 Speaker 01 Going hard on the eggs in the morning. Then I had like, some salmon sticks or something.
49:37 Dax Shepard? She was gnawing on a salmon stick.
49:39 Speaker 01 And I go back to a cigarette and some coffee. I'm missing something. There was one more thing that I was like...
49:44 Dax Shepard? Those are the four I remember. It was like, coffee, cigarettes, fucking eggs.
49:48 Speaker 02 Eggs and salmon sticks?
49:50 Speaker 01 And I'm just, you know, you snack it.
49:51 Dax Shepard? I'm watching it, I'm like, this is a real fuck you to me.
49:55 Speaker 02 What did I do?
49:56 Speaker 01 So then he finally goes, "You gotta pick one. You can't do all four." You can't smoke, drink coffee, eat hard-boiled eggs, and fucking salmon sticks, and then he starts kissing me. You gotta pick one. And I don't even care what it is. You can't do all four.
50:10 Dax Shepard? I can't do the cornucopia.
50:12 Speaker 01 You cannot do all four. You gotta pick one. And I was like, oh damn, you know what? My bad. You know what? I changed my life.
50:20 Speaker 02 Oh my god.
50:21 Speaker 01 Changed my life.
50:22 Speaker 02 I love that story.
50:25 Dax Shepard? Cause for three of them, I'm like, I can't say anything. But once the fucking salmon sticks came out, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna have to say it.
50:32 Speaker 01 But that's how I know that this is my boy right here.
50:34 Speaker 02 Fuck is a salmon stick?
50:35 Speaker 01 It was like some kind of salmon, something like jerky or something like that.
50:40 Speaker 02 Sure.
50:40 Dax Shepard? Fucking fish jerky.
50:41 Speaker 02 Real salty fish.
50:42 Speaker 01 You can't do all four, bitch. You gotta pick one thing.
50:45 Dax Shepard? I'm only human. Look at the size of this nose. I can smell and taste that.
50:49 Speaker 01 What the fuck? Pick one thing. And ever since then, I'm like, it's only one thing?
50:55 Dax Shepard? My two favorite moments along those lines is like, you're acting together, your friends, and then you have to hook up sometimes. And so, I'm trying to be cool, and I say to Joy, like, before we have this crazy scene, "Do you wanna have a boundaries conversation? Like, I wanna make sure I don't do anything, you know." And Joy goes, "You can do whatever the fuck you want, but don't touch my hair."
51:20 Dax Shepard? Wow, I'm so glad we had this conversation. Because you better touch a white chick's hair. She's expecting you to do something. That's like, that's standard for a white girl is like.
51:32 Speaker 01 Get your fucking fingers out of my hair.
51:35 Dax Shepard? That scene is very nice and so that conversation yielded some learning.
51:40 Speaker 01 I mean, I've lightened up a little bit more.
51:42 Dax Shepard? Okay, okay.
51:43 Speaker 01 I mean, you can touch it.
51:45 Dax Shepard? Well, then it led to her going like, no, no, listen, I wear a head scarf at night. If that's what it's called.
51:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, I guess now people do them bonnets, but like I would do it with a scarf.
51:54 Dax Shepard? Yeah, and she's like, listen, I put my hair in a scarf at night. And if I don't have my scarf on, Dave knows, okay, it's time. And I go, oh yeah, this is an incredible indicator how women should have head scarves.
52:07 Speaker 01 No, but also, I will take it off.
52:09 Dax Shepard? If it evolves.
52:10 Speaker 01 If you're on, but like I'm gonna take it off.
52:13 Speaker 02 I think this food delivery is pretty fun.
52:16 Dax Shepard? I did too.
52:17 Speaker 01 I do think you need to have food.
52:19 Dax Shepard? There's two arguments to be made. One is like, now we're so hungry.
52:23 Speaker 01 I'm so hungry.
52:24 Dax Shepard? Yeah, and we're gonna fucking have so much fun eating it.
52:27 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
52:29 Dax Shepard? Yeah, we're gonna really go for it. We're gonna have to order duck, pizza, everything we picked up.
52:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, wings.
52:37 Dax Shepard? Well, Joy, I love you.
52:39 Speaker 01 Oh my god, this is so much fun.
52:41 Dax Shepard? Thanks for coming in mom's car with us to deliver you some food.
52:44 Speaker 01 This is so much fun, I'm so hungry.
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