Pod Insights Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Mom's Car: Kristen Bell About this episode On our first ever episode of Mom’s Car we welcome Mom herself, award-winning actress and beloved spouse Kristen Bell. Kristen, Dax, and Best Friend Aaron Weakley talk through sim sizes of the Chevrolet Bolt and why Kristen loves hers so much she wanted multiple backups, BFAW describes the experience of receiving Dax’s big heart for the first time, the gang get their first delivery while processing assumptions about those who order food to their home, field a write-in question from a concerned impending empty nester, and debate one of Jonathan Haidt’s moral dumbfoundings.
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Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Dax Shepard? Hello and welcome to Mom's Car. Not my mom's car, but my children's mom's car. Today, we have, very fittingly, as she was the first guest ever on Armchair Expert, my beloved wife, the queen of all queens, Kristen Bell. I mean, I really need to say it, but Frozen, and Nobody Wants This, and Die Hard, and Legends of the Fall, and Jaws. Please enjoy Kristen Bell. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check your phones in your pocket before leaving the house. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.
0:45 Dax Shepard? Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North America Insurance Co. and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.
1:10 Dax Shepard? I want people to know how much you love this car. You could drive any kind of car you wanted. And obviously, as a car lover, I would always want to buy you a very nice car. But tell me about your car a little bit.
1:21 Speaker 01 Anyone who sees you in this little hot rod knows
1:26 Dax Shepard? They're horny.
1:27 Speaker 01 That everybody likes it. Well, I'll tell you why I like it. She's small enough for me to park anywhere I want, on your lawn, if I so desire. I feel good about zipping around town. I don't feel tight or invasive. If I drive an SUV, I'm always a little scared I'm gonna kiss the curbs, mainly because I'll kiss the curbs.
1:44 Dax Shepard? Sure, sure.
1:45 Speaker 01 She wasn't born a beauty queen, okay?
1:48 Dax Shepard? The Bolt?
1:49 Speaker 01 No.
1:50 Dax Shepard? Okay.
1:50 Speaker 01 I don't mind scratching her up. Look at the ceiling. Lincoln once tried to clean it and then never wiped the cleaner off the ceiling. It almost looks like white splatter paint.
1:59 Dax Shepard? It looks like she used wax to try to clean it.
2:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:02 Dax Shepard? As two previous car detailers, that looks like someone definitely
2:06 Speaker 01 There's a huge scratch back here, which I don't know if one of our daughters owns some sort of a blade.
2:11 Dax Shepard? She's bringing a blade to school.
2:12 Speaker 02 You would never know how compact the car actually is by sitting in it.
2:16 Dax Shepard? It's spacious.
2:17 Speaker 02 It's roomy, and then you look at it outside and it's a little
2:20 Dax Shepard? It might be part of the SIM.
2:21 Speaker 02 Cute baby.
2:22 Dax Shepard? Have you seen, this is a really good SIM GIF. GIF?
2:26 Speaker 01 GIF.
2:27 Dax Shepard? GIF.
2:27 Speaker 02 GIF.
2:28 Dax Shepard? A city bus is the same width as a car. They're in the same lane. Maybe it's six inches wider. Why is there two seats, a hallway,
2:39 Speaker 01 Look at the left.
2:40 Dax Shepard? And two seats on the left when we're touching shoulders? Oh my god.
2:46 Speaker 01 I don't think it's the same. I see your point, but I don't think it's the same width.
2:51 Dax Shepard? But it's only a few more inches. Yeah, you'd agree we're taking up 80% of the width of this lane. And then a bus is maybe taking up...
2:58 Speaker 01 No, because look at the car in front of us. That car is taking up 65%, 60%.
3:06 Dax Shepard? Okay. Well, I do know the width of a bus.
3:09 Speaker 01 Of hand?
3:10 Dax Shepard? Because we have one, yeah. I think it's 102 inches.
3:14 Speaker 01 We should measure this car and see the difference.
3:16 Dax Shepard? We could chat it. So this is the same size as your bus? Well, it's like a foot! Yeah. And that's fine, I'll give it a foot, honey. But where's the extra three feet inside? If we run a bus, there'd be two other people over there. I'm not putting my glasses on to see you.
3:31 Speaker 01 In between a bus is like this much barely for your hips, no? It's not three feet.
3:36 Dax Shepard? Well, hon, there's two seats, there's a hallway, then there's two seats across the hallway.
3:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:43 Dax Shepard? And look at Aaron and I. Imagine there's a hallway next to them and then Aaron and I are over there.
3:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, I just don't think bus seats are that roomy.
3:53 Dax Shepard? They're not as roomy as this, but just imagine getting two more people in a hallway within an extra foot of this space.
3:59 Speaker 01 I understand the concept.
4:01 Dax Shepard? But you do reject it wholeheartedly.
4:03 Speaker 01 I don't think it's proof of the sim, no.
4:06 Dax Shepard? Is not the least bit confusing to you?
4:09 Speaker 01 I'm Googling the width of a Chevy Bolt. I have a bolt, not a volt.
4:15 Dax Shepard? Do you have chat on your phone?
4:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, 69... yeah, point five inches.
4:21 Dax Shepard? Okay.
4:22 Speaker 01 69.5.
4:23 Dax Shepard? 70 inches.
4:24 Speaker 01 Hold on, if we're gonna be accurate, you can't start saying 70. I said 69.5.
4:28 Dax Shepard? Okay.
4:28 Speaker 01 What is the width of a city bus?
4:35 Dax Shepard? Sixty-two.
4:40 Speaker 01 Eight feet, four inches.
4:42 Dax Shepard? So ninety-six.
4:44 Speaker 01 What is eight feet, point four inches?
4:48 Dax Shepard? Ninety-six point four.
4:49 Speaker 01 In inches.
4:50 Speaker 02 A hundred.
4:51 Speaker 01 One hundred.
4:52 Dax Shepard? Oops. Oh, that was embarrassing. I was caught on camera doing the math wrong.
4:57 Speaker 02 I don't know if this is happening in the same lane.
4:59 Speaker 01 One hundred minus sixty-nine point five.
5:02 Dax Shepard? Hold on though. It was eight feet, yeah?
5:04 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:04 Speaker 01 Eight feet.
5:05 Dax Shepard? Point four? Or eight foot four?
5:07 Speaker 01 Eight foot four.
5:08 Dax Shepard? Okay, ninety-six plus four, I stand. So a hundred, so it's thirty, thirty point.
5:13 Speaker 01 One hundred minus sixty-nine point five.
5:15 Dax Shepard? Thirty point five inches.
5:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, which is.
5:18 Dax Shepard? Which is less than three feet. It's two and a half feet, exactly.
5:21 Speaker 01 Look at the car in front of us. There is easily two and a half feet if you combine both sides.
5:25 Dax Shepard? Well, hold on one second though, my love.
5:26 Speaker 01 Okay.
5:27 Dax Shepard? Thirty inches is two and a half feet. So if you added two and a half feet in here.
5:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:34 Dax Shepard? That would get you maybe the hallway?
5:36 Speaker 01 I see. You're asking me to picture the inside of the bus.
5:40 Dax Shepard? Yes.
5:41 Speaker 01 You know what our problem is and why Larry Mantle would poke a Swiss cheese-sized hole in this story?
5:47 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
5:47 Speaker 01 When's the last time you were on a city bus?
5:49 Dax Shepard? Hour and a half ago?
5:50 Speaker 01 No.
5:53 Speaker 01 We need to be on a city bus to really see if it's as spacious as we think.
5:59 Dax Shepard? Well, all I do know for certain, and I know you would agree, it's two seats, a hallway, two seats. We were on those buses in Norway. We drove all around those mountain roads. And we're in two captain's chairs, then there's a hallway, and then two captain's chairs. So I'm just curious how you put two more captain's chairs and a hallway in two and a half feet.
6:16 Speaker 01 Understood.
6:17 Speaker 02 The airport shuttle from LAX to the Uber lot is like people on both sides. Luggage everywhere in a really wide hallway.
6:25 Dax Shepard? A hallway you can bring your roll-on bag on.
6:28 Speaker 01 But are you thinking of a school bus? Because oftentimes, or sometimes, I believe, the buses, the seats face horizontally, not vertically. They face each other.
6:41 Dax Shepard? You've been on a bus where they're facing each other?
6:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, on the airport shuttles.
6:45 Speaker 02 You're right.
6:45 Dax Shepard? Oh, airport shuttle.
6:46 Speaker 02 Yes.
6:47 Dax Shepard? Yes, I've been in both, and I think they often have both things.
6:51 Speaker 01 Do you take the airport shuttle a lot?
6:53 Speaker 02 Uh, yeah, to work.
6:56 Speaker 02 Every morning.
6:58 Dax Shepard? To D C W.
6:59 Speaker 01 Have you been on a city bus recently?
7:02 Speaker 02 No, I haven't.
7:03 Dax Shepard? Right, like a metro line. Okay, back to how much you love this car, though, because I think one of the cutest things you've ever done, honey, is that we were on a hike and you had heard terrible news that they were discontinuing the Bolt. You were panicked. And what did you ask me on the hike?
7:19 Speaker 01 I said, should we get another one?
7:20 Speaker 02 Oh, wait, how many?
7:22 Dax Shepard? I remember it as, should we get a couple backups?
7:27 Speaker 01 Should we get, maybe I said one or two backups. But I just got nervous that if they don't make it anymore, I don't want a new fancy, I don't want to drive the Starship Enterprise. I have no interest in that. I want a car that's tactile, that has buttons that I can push, and that does what I want it to do with muscle memory. And I said, should we grab a backup?
7:51 Dax Shepard? Or two?
7:52 Speaker 01 Two, before.
7:53 Dax Shepard? Should we have three Bolts in the driveway? Do you remember what I said to you?
7:58 Speaker 01 No, you said no.
7:59 Dax Shepard? You're stupid. Why did I marry you? Stop talking on this hike. Well, I have pointed out, and here we are now, a year and a half after that conversation. In this car, I'm looking at the odometer, it has 21,500 miles on it. And at the time of the conversation, the car had about 15,000 miles on it, and it was three years old. And I said, well, love, I think you're gonna be driving that same Bolt for another 15 to 20 years. At the rate of mileage you're putting on it, it's definitely gonna go 150,000 miles.
8:30 Speaker 01 And that made me feel a lot safer.
8:32 Dax Shepard? How good.
8:33 Speaker 01 I don't know, what if somebody steals it?
8:36 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you were thinking of it like as a great pair of shoes or any kind of fashion item.
8:41 Speaker 01 If you find the perfect pair of jeans, you get them in another color.
8:44 Dax Shepard? Get some backups.
8:45 Speaker 01 You ever done that, Aaron?
8:46 Dax Shepard? Duplicate?
8:47 Speaker 02 I have.
8:47 Speaker 01 Do you remember with what?
8:48 Speaker 02 A pair of kangaroos, and I used paper out money. They said they were going out of business. They were like, eight bucks.
8:57 Dax Shepard? Oh, my God.
8:59 Speaker 02 At some store in Milford. So, yeah, when I was a kid, I did. But I hear about this all the time. I know Roosie will do that. I don't think I love anything enough to get to of right now.
9:09 Dax Shepard? I'm gonna tell you what I love enough. I love my cute wife so much.
9:13 Speaker 02 Oh, you want to?
9:13 Dax Shepard? Because I'm gonna be transparent. I said, hey, today when we're doing our interview, would you ask Aaron a lot of questions? Because I feel like he has sometimes left out. And it just hit me how absolutely sweet and cute it is that you're doing it. Honey, look at me. I love you. I love you. Did you ever do that, Erin?
9:37 Speaker 01 That was so sweet.
9:39 Dax Shepard? There she goes.
9:42 Speaker 01 Look, I'm no Larry Mantle.
9:43 Dax Shepard? Yes, you are.
9:44 Speaker 01 But I'll give it a shot.
9:45 Dax Shepard? There's no way Larry Mantle's collecting Chevy bolts. Eating a step stool to kiss your ass.
9:53 Dax Shepard? Before you met Erin and you'd only heard stories.
9:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:56 Dax Shepard? That I told you early in our relationship. What had you pictured versus?
10:01 Speaker 01 I thought they definitely have hooked up.
10:05 Dax Shepard? It's not a.
10:06 Speaker 01 For sure.
10:07 Dax Shepard? That's not uncommon to think that. Actually, I'd be worried about if you didn't think that. As you know, my mom certainly thought. She even said at one point, I think I told you, right? Yeah, that she was OK with it. Well, like, so she had come in and we were snuggling in my room, as we would do. And she was like, yeah, I guess my assumption was sure he was trying that. You thought we were up there. But I don't know why I thought that was so crazy she thought that. We were snuggling.
10:31 Speaker 01 I think my assumption, actually, there weren't assumptions. What I digested from the stories you told me about Erin. And again, I didn't know Erin yet, so I couldn't come to many conclusions about him. But what it read to me was that you are a fiercely loyal person and actually have way more of an open heart than you advertised. Because you had found another person who, the way you talked about you guys and all the mistakes you've made and the raucous you've produced around town, that you just loved this other person as a soulmate. There's something really, really beautiful about loving someone that deep and not being flippant in your friendship connections. Erin's my ride or die, whether I talk to him every day or once a year.
11:16 Speaker 01 I thought it was really sweet.
11:18 Dax Shepard? I could imagine where you might have had a much different picture of who he was. Because of course I'm telling you the craziest stories about us every time I'm talking. Like, I'm wondering if when you met him, do you go like, "Oh, wow, he's so much sweeter than I was expecting." I think that's a kind of common reaction to Aaron, if I've told a bunch of stories. Yeah.
11:38 Speaker 01 He was always so well-rounded in how he spoke about you, because he always was like, "Oh, Aaron was the cutest." The cutest. All the girls liked him. He was the nicest boy.
11:48 Speaker 02 You know what gets left out a lot is the size of this guy's heart and the love he showed. I know he talks about me so much, but I can put it in perspective. This is how I felt in 7th grade. The first time he came to my house, and I think you were giving me something to take to camp.
12:06 Dax Shepard? A duffel bag.
12:06 Speaker 02 A duffel bag. I felt like one of those dogs that were like,
12:12 Speaker 02 like, "Why is someone about to be nice to me?" And I'm like...
12:16 Dax Shepard? I'm like shaky?
12:18 Speaker 02 And I'm like, "Oh, he is nice. He's being nice. He's nice." He's not judging me or doing anything but being nice.
12:27 Dax Shepard? Well, I asked Aaron, we had a class together. We had Mr. Nelson's class. That's where we really fell in love, drawing pictures back and forth. And then I asked him, "Are you gonna go to the 7th grade camp trip?" Thinking, "Of course he's gonna go, and this is gonna be a great time for us to really develop our friendship." And then he said he wasn't going. I think this was so vulnerable of you, and probably the start of the whole vulnerability thing. I don't know how you found the confidence to tell me you didn't want to go because you only had trash bags.
13:03 Dax Shepard? Do you remember that was the reason you didn't want to go?
13:05 Speaker 02 It was embarrassing. See, that's how beautiful the relationship was. I was that comfortable with you.
13:10 Speaker 01 You also told me all the heartfelt stories about Aaron and his upbringing and the kittens.
13:19 Dax Shepard? Oh, my God. Should we talk about the kittens?
13:22 Speaker 01 It's too dark, I think. It's too dark. To witness that and not be completely scarred by any adult you ever run into for the rest of your life is beyond me.
13:32 Dax Shepard? I think I can maybe do a really safe version to just say there were a bunch of cats born kittens who all had leukemia, and a very, very, very, very drunk,
13:43 Speaker 02 Mean.
13:45 Dax Shepard? caretaker, male, decided to handle the situation with his bare hands in one fell swoop in front of us.
13:54 Speaker 01 I'm so glad you guys can laugh about that, but also.
13:59 Speaker 01 I one time stepped on a slug when I was 16 on accident. I cried for about 30 minutes and I buried it in a matchbox in my backyard. So if I had seen kittens. Taken out in front of me. I couldn't go back to school again. It'd be so much grief that I wasn't ready to handle. But Aaron, what did you think of Dax when you first met him? What was your read on him? Cause he talks about himself in middle school, which is where you guys met, yeah?
14:25 Speaker 02 Yeah, sixth grade.
14:26 Speaker 01 As his peak, that he was really hitting it hard in middle school.
14:30 Speaker 02 Felt like it was 20 years long.
14:32 Speaker 01 Was he a stud? Was he as much of a stud as he says he was?
14:34 Speaker 02 Yeah. Yeah.
14:36 Dax Shepard? Absolutely.
14:37 Speaker 02 Yeah, he was so cool and exerted a lot of confidence on the outside.
14:44 Speaker 02 But I felt that maybe the confidence wasn't as confident as he made it out to be.
14:54 Speaker 02 And I just wanted to embrace him.
14:58 Dax Shepard? Our very first conversation was in the bathroom in the sixth grade hallway.
15:02 Speaker 01 The bathroom was in the hallway?
15:04 Dax Shepard? There's a sixth grade hallway and then it has its own bathroom. Keep all those perverted eighth grader boys out of there.
15:09 Speaker 02 Dax came in and said, and of course when I say it, I mean, we're 11, but he's like, "Are you Aaron Weekly?" No, he's like, "Are you Aaron Weekly?" And I was like, "Fuck." All I can remember is being in a moment like, I just need to be left alone.
15:27 Dax Shepard? I was a new kid.
15:28 Speaker 02 He looked cool, cool haircut. And I just thought, "Why? What's going on? Leave me the fuck alone." But we had a friend, Kevin Gwynn, and Kevin said, "Look me up."
15:40 Dax Shepard? Yeah, Kevin was my best friend in sixth grade, at the old sixth grade, Highland Junior High. And he said, "Oh, when you get to Muir, you gotta meet my friend Aaron. He's the coolest dude." He was explaining how cool he was and Kevin was super cool. He had a crazy haircut and skateboarded. So I'm kinda like, keep my eyes out for like, the coolest dude in the school.
16:01 Dax Shepard? Then I asked around and then I figured out who it was and then I somehow found him and Aaron was a little bit nervous, I think.
16:06 Speaker 01 Did you shake hands or anything or were you just like, "I'm Dax?"
16:10 Dax Shepard? I'm Dax.
16:11 Speaker 02 It wasn't stand up.
16:12 Dax Shepard? I'm here to rule this school.
16:15 Dax Shepard? No, I was just like, Kevin told me to say hi to you. And then maybe Aaron just thought, "Mission accomplished." Like I said hi on Kevin's behalf and that was gonna be the end of it. And then, as luck would have it, then the first class I had of 7th grade was this Mr. Nelson's History, was it?
16:30 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:31 Dax Shepard? And we were seated right next to each other. Not sure how the ball sack cowboy pitchers started, but they started right away.
16:38 Speaker 02 Real fast.
16:38 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it's an interesting thing for us to do right out of the gate.
16:41 Speaker 01 Oh, you created that together?
16:42 Dax Shepard? Yes.
16:43 Speaker 02 And we started passing notes.
16:46 Speaker 01 Written or just drawings?
16:47 Speaker 02 There were drawings with situations, I guess, like, um...
16:53 Speaker 02 With the little bubble of someone was saying something on it, but not notes like, "I love you." "Hi, I'm in love with you." "I love that you're my friend."
17:04 Dax Shepard? So I brought that duffel bag over. That was the first time I went over to Aaron's house. Then he came to 7th grade camp and you could be in two different bunk houses. And I was like, "Okay, Aaron's gonna be in mine with Jack," who ultimately, the three of us were all best friends, who was crazy and wild and Aaron stayed in our bunk, but Aaron went to sleep every night. Pretty early before we went out and got... He didn't party yet.
17:32 Speaker 02 But, Mom, I have to tell you, to be away from my house for a few days, it was nice to get rest.
17:44 Speaker 02 Without having any worries of falling asleep.
17:47 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
17:47 Speaker 02 Sad as that sounds.
17:48 Dax Shepard? Yeah. You really find the fun in it ultimately, though, right? This one time in particular is one of my favorite memories we have is Butch was the man's name. He was annihilated at like 4:00 PM on a Thursday and we were in Aaron's trailer. And he always claimed to have been an incredible pitcher when he was a kid. And he struck out Kirk Gibson, who's a Detroit hero. You know, he's a legend in his own mind. And he wanted to play catch with Aaron and I with a wet washcloth.
18:16 Speaker 02 This is an attempt at a father-son catch. That was.
18:22 Dax Shepard? Get you guys closer.
18:23 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's how I felt, I guess. This is gonna be like father-son bonding.
18:28 Dax Shepard? Well, his intentions were much different than ours. He was tossing it to us and we were throwing it as hard as we could at his face. And he was so hammered, it was hitting him in the face every single time we threw it at him.
18:39 Speaker 02 His face was all wilted up.
18:41 Dax Shepard? We played this game of catch for like 40 minutes and we were just chucking it as hard as we could at his face.
18:46 Speaker 01 With a wet washcloth?
18:47 Dax Shepard? With a wet washcloth. You keep wetting it down.
18:50 Speaker 02 We were like throwing our shoulders out and we were throwing it so hard.
18:53 Dax Shepard? And laughing as they're going, "He was having a great time."
18:57 Speaker 02 That's the most fun I ever had with him.
19:00 Speaker 01 And you were a really good ball player.
19:02 Speaker 02 Well, yeah, that's why he always wanted to bond, not always wanted to bond, but.
19:06 Dax Shepard? Intermittently.
19:07 Speaker 02 That's where the bond was gonna come from, if it was gonna happen, over baseball with a wet washcloth, but yeah.
19:14 Speaker 01 You didn't have a ball?
19:15 Speaker 02 Oh, no.
19:15 Dax Shepard? Oh, I wish we would've had a ball. We would've killed him, I think. Throw it up baseball at his face over and over and over again.
19:23 Speaker 02 Maybe he kinda knew that.
19:25 Dax Shepard? You read at Playita?
19:27 Speaker 01 No, there are some cute restaurants and shops here.
19:31 Dax Shepard? We're going to New York in a couple of weeks, Aaron, and we're so excited. Are you so excited?
19:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:36 Dax Shepard? I'm so excited.
19:37 Speaker 02 I know mom loves New York.
19:38 Dax Shepard? We don't get many trips and this is gonna be a full four or five days, Wednesday to Saturday?
19:43 Speaker 01 We fly in Wednesday, which means we lose the day. It's a working trip.
19:48 Dax Shepard? Do you know mom is one of Time's 100 most influential people?
19:51 Speaker 02 No.
19:52 Speaker 01 Do you feel my influence?
19:53 Speaker 02 I've felt it since day one.
19:55 Dax Shepard? I have been heavily influenced. Oh, that's a fun question, this self-indulge, but here we go. Can you feel Kristen's effects on me over the years?
20:03 Speaker 02 Yes, and I'm not kidding, I have felt her effects.
20:07 Dax Shepard? Yeah, right?
20:08 Speaker 02 She's turned me into a better person.
20:10 Dax Shepard? You're a really great example, hon.
20:12 Speaker 01 Thanks, guys.
20:13 Dax Shepard? Yeah, truly. I was looking at my Instagram, right, and the last two posts, one is of me looking cool on a motorcycle.
20:19 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
20:20 Dax Shepard? And one is of me crying. And one has 4 million views and one has 400,000. And I think I would have never had the confidence to embrace that side of myself publicly if you didn't enter the picture.
20:37 Speaker 01 Cause I cry all the time and I make it seem so normal.
20:40 Dax Shepard? Well, this is a fun time to say that you and I have done a complete reversal, which is when we met, you cried every 45 minutes?
20:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:47 Dax Shepard? Oh, except!
20:48 Speaker 02 Oh, finally!
20:49 Dax Shepard? Look at that.
20:51 Speaker 02 Where are we at? 700 feet away from something.
20:54 Dax Shepard? I wonder if it's the same rice and barbecue that we went to yesterday?
20:57 Speaker 02 When I saw your post the other day, I told him I cried while I was scrolling. I didn't even have the volume. I don't even know what he was crying about.
21:05 Dax Shepard? About a motorcycle I want.
21:06 Speaker 02 When I started crying immediately when I saw him welted up.
21:11 Speaker 01 I did too, and that means you have mirror neurons. I think they're separated issues, right? Like, one thing is, do things make you cry? Or do you have a bunch of guards up that allow you to not be emotionally invested? And then the second thing is, your system of mirror neurons, which is when you see someone else cry, your mirror neurons, I don't want to say should, because I don't know if they should, but if they're strong, they turn on. I've watched that video of you two or three times now, and I well up every single time. And I wonder if because you guys didn't have the adults that maybe you wanted to emulate that were safe around you, you almost like dulled your mirror neurons? Cause you're like, I can't mirror these people.
21:49 Dax Shepard? Well, look, I have a story, and the story is, I had this older brother, and I just did not want to be a baby. I wanted to be older. You see it with Delta. Now, imagine it's a five-year gap, and just crying was a baby's activity. And I just decided at nine, we're not doing that, because that's very babyish in front of David. But Aaron was a good crier, always.
22:10 Speaker 02 I cried up until a year and a half ago. Yeah, I've always cried.
22:15 Dax Shepard? We would get sent to Bart Montany's office, the vice principal, and we would sit in there and he would yell at us, and I would be stone-faced staring at him. And then Aaron would start crying, and then I'd get really protective over Aaron, and be defending Aaron, and it was a whole scene. I can only imagine what he thought when he came home from work. He never let us know, but he had to have thought that was cute. Two little bad boys in his office, and one's crying and one's trying to protect them.
22:41 Speaker 02 Trying to stop me from crying.
22:43 Dax Shepard? I'm gonna go get this food. Get this food, get this money.
22:47 Speaker 01 Hi.
22:47 Dax Shepard? Hi. I love you.
22:49 Speaker 01 Oh, honey.
22:50 Dax Shepard? Thanks for doing this.
22:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:52 Dax Shepard? You're so good. You're asking so many questions.
22:54 Speaker 01 What?
22:55 Dax Shepard? Sure.
22:57 Speaker 01 Blowing up my spot.
22:59 Dax Shepard? Hello. Oh my God, what if this same place? Oh, I hope so. I hope there's. It really could be. I hope they're getting.
23:05 Speaker 01 Now, wait. Are you have to go directly to this person? Or are you allowed to pick up another?
23:08 Dax Shepard? If something rang, we could, but you see how. Yeah, that's the only. That's happened to us once.
23:15 Speaker 01 Oh, this is the directions to the person who ordered barbecue and rice.
23:20 Dax Shepard? That's right.
23:20 Speaker 01 It's only three minutes away?
23:22 Dax Shepard? Yep. It has alleviated a lot of my guilt. The most obnoxious and indulgent thing I do is order Five Guys when we're at the Hanson's.
23:29 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
23:30 Dax Shepard? It's across the street. I almost have felt like when I get the food from the guy, he's gotta be pissed at me like, "Come on, you lazy motherfucker. You walked almost as far to pick the food up at the end of the driveway."
23:43 Dax Shepard? But this is very common. Like, most of our deliveries are within a few hundred feet. Yes.
23:49 Speaker 01 At work and or working from home?
23:52 Dax Shepard? See, that's exactly the kind of attitude you have that's infectious. Do you hear what she said? Working from home. It never occurred to me. It's a lazy bum. It's a fucking bum whose parents are giving them money and they're sitting on their ass at home ordering from a hundred feet away. And you go, "They're working from home." That's the exact influence I need in my life. Me too. What do you think of this person? I'm so embarrassed. It never occurred to me. Someone's working from home.
24:20 Speaker 01 You think they're just waiting at home?
24:22 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I think they're. They're terrible. So lazy. I assume everyone we deliver food to is a terrible person, just like me.
24:33 Speaker 01 When you order food, though, it's because we've both just gotten off work. We need to feed the kids. We haven't had time to do anything. Why wouldn't everyone else be in the same position we're in?
24:44 Dax Shepard? This is the benefit of being a good person. So you're a good person, and then you assume everyone else is a good person. But Erin and I identify a little bit with being lazy pieces of shit.
24:55 Dax Shepard? And despite a lot of evidence otherwise, that's still kind of just my root. Like, again, if I see someone cut me off, I'm like, "Yeah, they're entitled, and they want to get there faster than I'm gonna get there." Because I drive like that. That's the penalty if you're a piece of shit, is you assume everyone else is a piece of shit.
25:13 Speaker 01 I guess.
25:14 Dax Shepard? But I do think as I've liked myself more, I do give a lot more benefit of the doubt and think better thoughts about people. But like when you see someone, you would never fly around someone on the ride and try to make up a minute. You wouldn't do that.
25:26 Speaker 01 No, because they could have a pregnant woman in the car. And if they're driving too slow, they could have a cake in the back for a kid's birthday that they don't want to smash.
25:34 Dax Shepard? Birthday cake for a senior? For someone's final birthday?
25:38 Speaker 01 Someone's final birthday.
25:39 Speaker 02 Oh, no.
25:40 Dax Shepard? Final birthday.
25:41 Speaker 02 Oh, my God.
25:42 Dax Shepard? They got this precarious three-tier cake in the backseat. They're trying to have the pussy foot in the city.
25:49 Speaker 02 God, I hope I think of something like that next time I'm in that position.
25:53 Dax Shepard? Someone's going 15 miles an hour in a 35 and I go, oh.
25:57 Speaker 02 Get that cake home safe. Birthday cake or not, motherfucker.
26:01 Dax Shepard? Put your foot on the gas. Just tell them I got fucked up on the ride because the traffic was a beat down.
26:09 Speaker 02 Oh, man.
26:12 Dax Shepard? Stay tuned for more Mom's Car. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. You know, it reminds me of all those times when checking first really pays off, like that time I didn't check the weather before planning a backyard barbecue. Rookie mistake. Or how about when you're about to head out on a road trip and you know to check your tire pressure first? It's those little check first moments that save us from bigger headaches later. I mean, think about it. You always check if you have your wallet before sitting down at a restaurant, right? Or make sure you've got your keys before closing the front door? These are just smart moves we all make. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.
26:56 Dax Shepard? Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Co. and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hey, parents, it's that time of year again, back to school madness. But before you start hyperventilating into a paper bag, let me tell you about a little lifesaver called Uber Eats. Right now, they're offering up to 40% off back-to-school essentials. You heard that right, 40%. We're talking notebooks, colored pencils, calculators, glue sticks, all that stuff your kids need to become the next Einstein. Or at least past the sixth grade. But wait, there's more. Uber Eats has your lunchbox game covered too. Get discounts on string cheese, juice boxes, fresh fruit, Lunchables, all the fuel your little geniuses need to power through the day.
27:40 Dax Shepard? And hey, if some of those snacks accidentally fall into your mouth, I won't tell anyone. The best part? It's all just a tap away on the Uber Eats app. No more running around like a headless chicken trying to get everything done. So make your life easier and order now on Uber Eats. Remember, get up to 40% off back to school essentials. Offer ends 9/16. Terms apply. See app for details.
28:07 Dax Shepard? The fact that you've been able to share a life with me and I'm moving around like that, God bless you.
28:12 Speaker 01 But honey, I give you the benefit of the doubt.
28:17 Speaker 01 And oftentimes I'm right. You have this story about yourself that you have all these bad intentions all the time. You're a big boy.
28:25 Speaker 01 It's just not... Yeah, I do. Oh, is this the food he's coming out to you?
28:31 Speaker 02 Oh, shit. This never happens.
28:33 Dax Shepard? Are you Andrew? Oh, wonderful.
28:35 Speaker 01 He doesn't look like he's working.
28:37 Speaker 02 Of course. Of course he's not.
28:43 Speaker 01 But you know what? Maybe he's knee deep in work. That's why he's not in a suit at home.
28:49 Dax Shepard? I did see it said Dax.
28:53 Dax Shepard? Let's do a selfie.
28:54 Speaker 01 Don't get hit.
28:55 Dax Shepard? We're making a podcast where we deliver food. Okay. You're Andrew? I am. Dax, nice to meet you.
29:01 Speaker 01 Do you want to take a picture? Hold on, I can get out.
29:03 Dax Shepard? Yeah, let's get out and get a photo.
29:04 Speaker 01 Okay, hold on.
29:07 Speaker 01 I'm all... I gotta put my mic in my pocket.
29:10 Dax Shepard? All right, now I have to leave a good tip. No, you don't. You'd leave zero tip. My wife is very wealthy.
29:19 Dax Shepard? Take care, brother. You too.
29:21 Speaker 02 And finally.
29:23 Dax Shepard? Of course, because you're here.
29:24 Speaker 02 You're fucking bitch.
29:26 Dax Shepard? You bitch. Did I tell you this funny thing, Aaron, about the hotel reservation?
29:31 Speaker 02 Hold on, 17, no.
29:32 Dax Shepard? Oh!
29:33 Speaker 02 Oh, sorry, I accepted so fast.
29:35 Speaker 01 Did he tip you 17 dollars?
29:37 Dax Shepard? No, no, no, that's another, it's on now.
29:39 Speaker 01 Oh, oh.
29:40 Dax Shepard? It's like this sometimes, when it rains, it pours. What happened?
29:43 Speaker 02 Oh, you have to...
29:43 Dax Shepard? Did we miss it?
29:44 Speaker 02 No, no, no, you still have to put confirm.
29:47 Dax Shepard? Yes, so, did I tell you about the hotel? Because I'm taking the girls to Hawaii on Saturday.
29:51 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, you told me this story!
29:53 Dax Shepard? Just the three of us.
29:55 Speaker 02 I think that girl got fired.
29:57 Speaker 01 No, no, that's not.
30:00 Dax Shepard? So I got an email from the hotel saying, "We're delighted to offer you a complimentary upgrade to a suite. And also, if you're traveling with Miss Bell, let us know if we can arrange any services for her." And so I wrote back like, "Oh, I'd love an upgrade if I could get a rollaway so that there's enough beds." And they were like, "No problem." And they said, "And any services for Miss Bell?" And I said, "No, she won't be joining us on this trip." And they wrote, "We're so sad that she won't be joining." They fully regret giving me this upgrade because they thought they were giving you an upgrade.
30:36 Speaker 01 That is not, no, more likely because no one in their right mind can believe that a dad would watch his kids by himself without them on there. That's much more likely.
30:49 Dax Shepard? And they might be right. Let's see, let's see how it goes.
30:52 Speaker 01 What's this place?
30:54 Speaker 02 Oh, let's get some food for ourselves. Vegan breakfast burrito.
30:59 Dax Shepard? This is a big one, guys, this is 23 minutes. Let's do a question.
31:02 Speaker 02 Okay, mom.
31:04 Dax Shepard? Are you ready, mom?
31:04 Speaker 01 Yep.
31:06 Speaker 02 I'm a single mom to an incredible 17-year-old daughter, Riley. I got sober a few years ago, and it's the best thing I've ever done for myself and for her. But now I'm facing something I never really prepared for. Riley leaving home in two years. As proud as I am of her, the thought of an empty house after 18 years of being mom... Every single day is terrifying. I know I have to keep putting my sobriety first, but I'm scared of the loneliness, of not having her as my anchor, and of what my identity looks like when she's out in the world chasing her dreams. I've built a life that I love, but sometimes I feel the pull of old coping mechanisms when I think about the quiet that's coming.
31:51 Speaker 02 I have lost a lot of time with her because of my addiction. How do I prepare for the transition in a healthy way? What helped you both when facing major life shifts? And how do I keep showing up for myself so I don't fall into a place where I risk everything I've worked for?
32:11 Dax Shepard? Well, Erin, you're the first of us in this exact situation because Wade is going away to college in six months, right?
32:20 Speaker 02 Yeah, first of all, I relate with the getting sober and feeling like you lost a lot of years with your kids and you have all this making up to do. And it sounds like she has done that successfully and hopefully has realized that it's OK. And you just have to accept it.
32:37 Dax Shepard? You have to forgive yourself, I'd imagine.
32:39 Speaker 02 And it seems very impossible. I can't remember how long it took me before I did accept it.
32:44 Dax Shepard? In other arenas, I've witnessed you now at five years have the three years of feeling very guilty and then saying, you know what? I feel bad, but here we are and I really can't live feeling bad now for the rest of my life. It's not what I've been working so hard to feel like, right?
33:04 Speaker 02 Yeah, it takes such a toll on you. And then Wade is going away, but have two girls still that are not yet. But I am so excited for him to live his life. I'm so excited for him to get to do anything at all that resembles. I just think of you and I at that age. We didn't go away to college.
33:25 Dax Shepard? Right, we didn't go on spring break with our mom.
33:27 Speaker 02 We sure did not.
33:28 Dax Shepard? Things have changed. Do you know that everyone goes on spring break with their mom now?
33:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, I do.
33:31 Dax Shepard? You know that.
33:32 Speaker 02 Everyone knew this except us.
33:33 Speaker 01 Well, my sister went on spring break with Lucy and Ben.
33:35 Dax Shepard? What's your thoughts on that?
33:36 Speaker 01 The moms are sick of fricking staying at home and doing nothing. They want to be involved too. It's not like the moms are going to parties with them. At least with my sister, she separates from them. But she'd like a beach vacation and she's paying for it. So I think, why not?
33:51 Dax Shepard? Well, I love mom taking a beach vacation. I just don't know why it's gotta be with the 18-year-old on spring break.
33:57 Speaker 02 Seems stressful.
33:58 Dax Shepard? I just don't know how the kid has the fun they're supposed to have. It's supposed to be like a Rumspringa.
34:02 Speaker 01 For you. Well, it was for me too, I guess.
34:05 Dax Shepard? Oh, yeah, don't sell yourself short.
34:07 Speaker 01 It was.
34:08 Dax Shepard? Where'd you go?
34:09 Speaker 01 South Padre Island, of course.
34:10 Dax Shepard? Tijuana. TJ.
34:13 Speaker 01 South Padre, and then...
34:14 Dax Shepard? Did you hook up?
34:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
34:16 Dax Shepard? You did. You went single? You managed that correctly? By the way.
34:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, and I went with all the valid trans.
34:22 Dax Shepard? Right.
34:22 Speaker 01 I went with like the group of smart girls from my school. And we got blasted. And then like my rolls of disposable cameras that I put in my photo album book and hid at the bottom of my closet. My proof of my Rumspringa.
34:37 Dax Shepard? Yes.
34:37 Speaker 01 My mom brought into the moms' club at the high school the year I left for college and showed everybody.
34:43 Dax Shepard? As a warning of what happens on these spring breaks?
34:46 Speaker 01 Maybe she thought it was funny. Maybe she just was going through my... I don't know. I was furious.
34:53 Dax Shepard? But you were single on that trip?
34:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, well.
34:56 Speaker 02 Well.
34:56 Speaker 01 I don't know if I was.
34:59 Speaker 02 I mean...
34:59 Speaker 01 I don't think I was.
35:03 Speaker 01 It's regretful, but I don't think I was. Here's the way my brain works. I'm such an optimist, I wanted to answer yes.
35:09 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
35:09 Speaker 01 Because that's the right answer.
35:11 Dax Shepard? Yes.
35:11 Speaker 01 But if I really think about it, I don't think I was.
35:13 Dax Shepard? This is what I like about you. Everyone's got a little duality. And yours is particularly interesting because you're on the surface such a goody-goody. We're really opposites. I'm presenting one way, but I'm bawling. You're perfect, but might have been plowing on spring break.
35:26 Speaker 01 You know I can't handle alcohol. So like I had a little bit of alcohol and nothing else mattered.
35:30 Dax Shepard? Yeah, sure.
35:32 Speaker 01 Everybody looked great.
35:34 Dax Shepard? Alcohol in you.
35:35 Speaker 01 I have a lot of thoughts on Mallory's situation.
35:37 Dax Shepard? Yeah, tell me, I thought you would.
35:38 Speaker 01 Well, I think about this a lot. And first of all, I can fully acknowledge that I don't suffer from, certainly not the same demons, as worrying about the loneliness. But I find it... Helpful for the way my mind works to picture the visual. Like, how many bags do I want to carry around in life? Like, I feel like the invisible bags of baggage of things I'm gonna carry, things worrying, you know?
36:02 Dax Shepard? Uh huh.
36:03 Speaker 01 And when my kids go to college, I don't want to carry around the bags full of this empty feeling. So I'm like, okay, well, how do I set them down? And I think preparing yourself by way of looking at life as a cycle has really helped me. Like a flower, a flower starts as a sprout and then it grows into a beautiful flower. And then it kind of withers and then it fertilizes the other plants. Like, I think about that a lot when I look at the girls and I'm like, oh yeah, bikini season's over for me. And that's okay.
36:32 Dax Shepard? Well, hold on.
36:33 Speaker 01 I had a lot of bikini seasons.
36:35 Dax Shepard? You're in a lot of bikinis.
36:36 Speaker 01 I know, but you don't understand what I'm saying. Like, for me being the ingenue, that's done. I'm a mom, they think I'm gross, they call my boobs sloppy Joes. You know what I mean? Like, that's the phase I'm in where I'm getting, I'm getting riz'd by my... Maybe riz is flirting. I'm getting, um...
36:54 Dax Shepard? Shit on?
36:55 Speaker 01 Shit on by my kids. And that's also a phase that can be beautiful, but it's so hard for humans to be okay with going into a different phase.
37:07 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
37:08 Speaker 01 And that's the hump. It's not, what am I gonna do? Just be accepting of the next phase of your life is happening. And now you're gonna have to still be her rock at home when she calls home. But you are going to have to find other things to nurture if you are particularly filled up by nurturing. So volunteer somewhere, get a dog, get a cat, get a goldfish.
37:31 Dax Shepard? Right.
37:31 Speaker 01 Create a hobby.
37:32 Dax Shepard? Get a male chimp.
37:33 Speaker 01 Get a tonka. That space is filled, is kind of all you can do. Fill the space with things you've always wanted to do. Beyond that, really work to understand that everything has a cycle. Even the Chevy Bolt, she'll die one day and I'll be so sad.
37:51 Dax Shepard? That might not be a bad comparison.
37:53 Speaker 01 But you know what I mean? Like, everything has to have a cycle. Without it, the Earth couldn't function. And it's just really hard for humans to step out of one phase into another phase. But I think when you zoom out and look at it as a macro view like that, it becomes easier.
38:09 Dax Shepard? The biggest chunk of my identity is now the father of Lincoln and Delta. It's 80% of what I think I am. So yeah, it's gonna be really wild to not have a daily responsibility or commitment to them. And I do think there's gonna be an enormous hole there. And I think I'm gonna be very sad that I don't hear them in the house. I think it's gonna be rough.
38:29 Speaker 01 Oh, for sure.
38:30 Dax Shepard? But I'm a romantic, so I also have a fantasy of your and I's life. Completely free to go to New York for a week if we want. And to go to Europe with the Richardson's and just do what we wanna do. I have a very healthy fantasy of our life. Without kids, too, which is a luxury of being married. But I do wonder if this is where you and I are a little different. Like, you're not prone to that same fantasy I have.
38:56 Speaker 01 I am to a degree. I think I'm more realistic about habits and practices become yearnings if you've been doing them for long enough. We will have been nurturing for 18 years. That's like quitting drinking. That's what Mallory's feeling. She's gonna have to quit drinking again because that is... You're fulfilling something for someone else. You're practicing this nurturing.
39:17 Dax Shepard? Your primary purpose goes away.
39:19 Speaker 01 Exactly. And if that just evaporates instantly, of course, there are gonna be aftershocks. So you have to fill it with something else that allows you to scratch that itch.
39:31 Dax Shepard? Well, yeah, when I read this, the only thing I thought of as my suggestion, and she's further along than us, so I don't feel like I'm really in a position to make a suggestion. Other than, I think she has to develop some hobbies or, as you're saying, some volunteering, something. She has to develop some things to fill that big hole. But my main suggestion is to not wait until your daughter's left, you're feeling sad and terrible. And now I'm asking you to go have an interest in something.
40:03 Speaker 01 Right, be ahead of it.
40:04 Dax Shepard? Yes, I think as a commitment to help is like really commit to signing up for some things before she leaves. So you're just already in a habit of doing it.
40:14 Speaker 02 That's what my first thought was reading it too. She did such a good job already. And I just wanted to hug her and say, please don't worry. You have done the hardest part.
40:25 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
40:25 Speaker 02 And you did get a few of those good years back that a lot of people don't get.
40:30 Speaker 01 I think the self-esteem can be built when you thread the line of, so you have manufactured this. You've earned this gift that you gave to your daughter. That means the gift is yours to give again. You know, you don't have to. I'm not saying adopt a toddler and be up all night, but I'm saying like a dog.
40:49 Dax Shepard? Yeah, and one other thing I'd add to mom that she should feel good about is I don't think you can underestimate the power of modeling a comeback. I was very lucky in that I didn't have the kind of shame maybe most people do with addiction. Cause my dad was already an addict and had already gotten sober. Like I never felt terribly judged by my family for having this thing. That's a huge blessing and he had shown me the roadmap for when I finally needed to address it. I was quite familiar with it all.
41:20 Speaker 01 I don't know if it's just me, but the tough love steps in and talks very harshly to me. And this is what I did when I was pregnant, when I was like worried about being pregnant, about all the things. I was like, hey, you know what, Kristen, you're not the first person on the planet to ever have a baby. You're just not. Lots of people have done this before you.
41:38 Dax Shepard? Couple of billion.
41:39 Speaker 01 And yes, it's gonna be hard, but someone else has gone through it before you, which means it's possible and that gives me hope.
41:46 Dax Shepard? Wow, look at these cool old houses.
41:47 Speaker 01 Ooh.
41:48 Dax Shepard? Victorian.
41:49 Speaker 02 Oh man, are these like sorority houses?
41:51 Dax Shepard? This is our first billionaire we're delivering to. Or maybe there's sorority houses. What if we're delivering to a party and we get invited in?
42:00 Speaker 01 Well.
42:01 Speaker 02 Well, probably not.
42:02 Speaker 01 We're not in that phase. I don't think they want us there.
42:06 Dax Shepard? They'd want you.
42:09 Dax Shepard? They're probably watching Nobody Wants Us.
42:10 Speaker 01 I'm an old woman. I don't think they want me.
42:12 Dax Shepard? All right. You're the hottest sex symbol on Netflix.
42:15 Speaker 02 Yeah.
42:15 Speaker 01 I think it's the next block. Yep.
42:18 Dax Shepard? I hope it's not a nude coed.
42:22 Speaker 01 It's in here, it's in here. It's in here, she's right there, she's right there.
42:26 Dax Shepard? I hope I don't get put in that situation. I'm gonna say I would love to, but my wife is in the car.
42:35 Dax Shepard? There was a coed, but it's a man laying out right there. Jacking? No, he's chatting with a girl hanging out her window. What a time to be alive. College. Yeah, Wade. I miss it. Look at him, now he's calling your name.
42:52 Dax Shepard? How you doing?
42:53 Speaker 02 Good, how are you?
42:54 Dax Shepard? Really good.
42:58 Dax Shepard? Well, out of context, delivering food, it's very confusing, right?
43:03 Dax Shepard? And Kristen Bell's in the backseat. Are you fucking kidding?
43:10 Dax Shepard? You fucking kidding me? Bye. Get that sign. I'm starting to feel that old thing where I'm like, fuck. Wait, what version? That wanna be him. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that it's over. That it's all over.
43:23 Speaker 01 It's not over, you're just in a different part of your life.
43:26 Dax Shepard? I love the part of my life.
43:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:29 Dax Shepard? But I also would love to take week-long vacations as 27.
43:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:33 Dax Shepard? Would you, or not at all?
43:35 Speaker 01 There was too much pressure to party and have fun. I'm too much percentage introvert to really crave or enjoy that. I wish that I was going on spring break with you guys, I really do. Because I would love to be with you. But I am also beyond excited to come home to a quiet house and talk to nobody for the whole week after work.
43:59 Dax Shepard? Yeah, we were watching White Lotus, and there's that scene where they all go out in that town, and they're doing ecstasy and getting drunk, and then they're on the boat. That must have been a 15-minute sequence. And the entire time I'm going, no, I'm gonna do that again before I die. This is literally all I'm thinking about, I was like, I am not leaving planet Earth without another trip like that to Thailand or whatever. And as I'm in the middle of thinking all this, Kristen goes, ugh, this looks torturous. I wanna be reading a book back at the home. Clear-headed.
44:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:36 Dax Shepard? Proud of every decision I make. It was so indicative of us. I was just off to the races of how bad I want to be walking down that street all confused and laughing and being loud.
44:48 Speaker 01 You know, it's too much stimulus for me.
44:51 Speaker 02 I was feeling that same way watching it.
44:53 Dax Shepard? Were you?
44:53 Speaker 02 Oh, my God, yeah. I kept telling myself I wanted.
44:56 Dax Shepard? I need a week in Thailand.
44:58 Speaker 02 I'm like, oh, fuck, I love this.
45:00 Dax Shepard? I know.
45:01 Speaker 02 I think I even mentioned like, he's like my age.
45:06 Speaker 02 I'll believe anything, like, it's really happening. The movie, I know it's a movie and all he's acting, but I'm like, he's doing it, he's my age.
45:14 Dax Shepard? Okay, you ready for a moral dumbfounding, love?
45:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:16 Speaker 02 The secret affair.
45:18 Dax Shepard? This is Jonathan Haidt.
45:20 Speaker 01 A Jonathan Haidt moral dilemma?
45:22 Dax Shepard? Yeah, his moral dumbfounding questions.
45:23 Speaker 01 Oh, oh, oh, okay.
45:24 Dax Shepard? Like the brother and sister who have sex.
45:25 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
45:26 Speaker 02 The secret affair. A happily married person has a one night stand while on a trip. They use protection, never tell their spouse, and the affair never affects their relationship in any way. The marriage remains strong and loving. Is this morally wrong?
45:44 Dax Shepard? What, this whole thing was a trap?
45:48 Dax Shepard? Trying to get you to commit on camera and say there's no problem.
45:53 Speaker 01 I want to hear you first.
45:54 Dax Shepard? Why? Why don't you be brave?
45:56 Speaker 01 No, I want to hear you first because I already know what I think.
45:59 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I'm fine with it. I don't care if I don't ever know and it has no impact. I've said it a million times. My issue with an affair would not be that you had sex with somebody. My potential issue with an affair would be you'd be distracted, you'd be overcome with guilt. It would impact how you treated me. You would not be doing all the things as my partner that I've come to love that you do. That would be my fear, not the thought that you had sex with somebody.
46:29 Speaker 02 The guilt would take over hard on me.
46:31 Dax Shepard? Well, that's reality, though. Verse the question. It didn't embed, but I agree.
46:36 Speaker 02 I understand, but you're knowing what you did.
46:39 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
46:39 Speaker 02 I love the idea of doing it.
46:41 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
46:41 Speaker 02 And not affecting anything.
46:43 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
46:44 Speaker 02 Except.
46:45 Dax Shepard? It would.
46:45 Speaker 02 Listen, I don't get stumped by many of these. I would eat a person, I would do all these crazy things.
46:50 Dax Shepard? Eat a dog.
46:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
46:57 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you know yourself and you know this is impossible. You'd be carrying the guilt. And then when you feel guilty and shame, then you act a certain way and it would just ripple out. There's no way it could be done. That I accept.
47:10 Speaker 01 I feel I should preface this with I didn't always feel this way.
47:15 Dax Shepard? Right.
47:16 Speaker 01 Because when I met you, I was a very jealous person. And I was bending to the subconscious rules society had given me of television shows of like, "My boyfriend cheated on me. Girl, get him out of the house. No fucking way." You asked me the question of kind of a would you rather? If I slept with someone versus if I drove our kids drunk? And that put everything in perspective. I was like, if you had an affair, I feel like we could get through that. If you drove my kids drunk?
47:51 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
47:52 Speaker 01 You're packing up. There's no circumstance in which I would allow you around the kids until I knew you were completely sober and clear-headed.
48:00 Dax Shepard? What was really interesting is we were in a big group of people and we asked a bunch of couples that question. Would you prefer your partner cheat on you or drive the kids drunk? And we were both kind of shocked that most of the people would prefer that they, their partner drove the kids drunk.
48:14 Speaker 01 I don't agree with that.
48:15 Dax Shepard? There's something wrong there.
48:16 Speaker 01 I have the exact same answer as you do. The sort of splitting that would be involved. Although, wait, what did that one say? It's a one-night stand. It never happens again.
48:27 Dax Shepard? Never happened again has no impact on the relationship.
48:29 Speaker 01 I mean, kind of, who cares? To be honest, because I have the same thoughts you do. I also know we're monkeys. We're both attracted to other people. We're married. We're not dead.
48:40 Dax Shepard? I'm mostly dead, but yeah, there's just about 15% still left.
48:45 Speaker 01 But I don't know that everyone has the privilege of this much confidence in their relationship.
48:50 Dax Shepard? I agree. Even go beyond that. We gotta own the fact that for the most part, I've not been left in my life. By partners. Either it was amicable or I broke up with somebody. And I think that's really relevant. If you have someone that's been cheated on and then dumped and cheated on and dumped, how on earth could you have this laissez faire opinion? But I've been cheated on, but not dumped. Well, A, I had open relationships. So I had two. And after the first one, I was like, yeah, she loves me as much as she's ever loved me and she's had sex with other dudes. Like, just the notion that somehow that would make her not love me or something. I just got to experience. It had had no impact. It didn't have any impact on either relationship.
49:33 Dax Shepard? Now, I'm against an open relationship for different reasons, which are, well, A, I'm an addict, so I can't manage that. I can't fuck once. Whereas your guilt would eat you up, there'd be more right away. It'd be like, if I had a drink tomorrow, I'm gonna have a thousand drinks over the next few weeks. That's just how I'm built. But I think if you have an open relationship, unless you guys are so committed to working on your own sexual relationship, if you have other options, it's already hard to maintain your own sexual relationship. And if you have options, you just won't do it. That was definitely the poor outcome of my open relationships, is our own intimacy suffered greatly from it.
50:16 Speaker 01 Interesting. But did you think I was gonna dis- what?
50:19 Dax Shepard? Oh, no.
50:20 Speaker 01 Did you think I was gonna disagree?
50:21 Dax Shepard? No.
50:22 Speaker 01 No, that was like- You were like, that one's gonna be hard.
50:24 Dax Shepard? Well, no, I just mean, this is unique to ask a married couple this question in front of each other. Like, you might be in a podcast somewhere else and get asked this and you would just, whatever. But you're being asked to answer this in front of your husband.
50:37 Speaker 01 In front of my husband, yeah. But did that surprise you that I said that?
50:40 Dax Shepard? No, I've come to think that's how you think about it. How would you feel, Aaron, if Ruthie cheated?
50:45 Speaker 01 Give him higher circumstances than that. Give him more specific circumstances than that. It was a one-night stand.
50:51 Dax Shepard? She's in a gangbang with eight dudes. Well, that's cool.
50:54 Speaker 01 It's a one-night stand.
50:55 Dax Shepard? I wanna watch.
50:57 Speaker 01 She's at a work thing and there's been alcohol consumed. The flirtation didn't start before the alcohol. Alcohol loosened everybody up. She sleeps with someone. She wakes up and is like, I can't believe I did that because I do love Aaron. She comes home. How do you want her to handle it?
51:14 Dax Shepard? Ooh, first of all, this is the only relationship in my life that I don't play that scenario out, ever. I am so...
51:23 Speaker 01 And we're doing it to you, that's cool.
51:24 Dax Shepard? Oh no, that's great. I am so comfortable in my relationship. It doesn't ever cross my mind.
51:30 Speaker 02 Same.
51:30 Dax Shepard? I remember that not being the case for every other one.
51:34 Speaker 02 Yeah.
51:35 Dax Shepard? I remember the feelings of jealousy. I mean, honestly, how do I want her to play that out? Of course, keep quiet about it and I don't want to ever know about it.
51:43 Speaker 02 Right.
51:44 Dax Shepard? But I think she could tell me and I would understand too.
51:47 Speaker 01 Do you think that has to do with who Ruthie is? Or do you think that has to do with who you've become?
51:52 Dax Shepard? I think it's who I've become. And, well, hold on. I think it could be a combo.
51:57 Speaker 02 I guess a combo, yeah, is the easy answer.
51:59 Dax Shepard? Because I just believe, as I've said in the past, I'm not liable to be jealous of a hot dude. I'm more liable to be jealous of Mike Schur because he has morals and ethics that I know are in lockstep with yours and I can't compete with that. But with that said, I so thoroughly believe and have witnessed that you love me for life. I believe that in my heart. I don't see any scenario where at any point in your life you don't love me and vice versa. I don't think anything could prevent that.
52:36 Speaker 01 You're right.
52:37 Dax Shepard? So I think if you feel that, everything else is a little less threatening.
52:42 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
52:43 Dax Shepard? Well, honey, you're the most delightful guest we've had.
52:45 Speaker 01 This was fun!
52:46 Dax Shepard? Yeah. I love you so much.
52:49 Speaker 01 I love you too.
52:50 Dax Shepard? Thank you.
52:51 Speaker 01 Love you, Aaron.
52:51 Speaker 02 I love you, baby.
52:53 Speaker 01 I'll give it to Aaron.
52:54 Dax Shepard? A little smoochy smooch?
52:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
52:56 Speaker 02 Smoochy.
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