Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card XIV

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us a crazy story. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Padman. Today, we have ding ding ding ding ding, Wild Card.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  We love a wild card because it's a big old question mark.

• 0:12Dax Shepard?

  Do you think we should do the same prompt, but call it Chef's Choice? Remember in elementary, it was the worst day in elementary and it always worked out. I never got hot lunch, but like probably once every two months, my mom would leave me a dollar to get a hot lunch.

• 0:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it was on Chef's Choice.

• 0:26Dax Shepard?

  Show up to school and it'd be Chef's fucking Choice.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  I like Chef's Choice.

• 0:30Dax Shepard?

  No, that means you're gonna get whatever thing they couldn't move last week and you're most likely gonna get the Snoopy hot dog, which was like a quarter pound hot dog. It's too much hot dog.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  That was a huge hot dog.

• 0:41Dax Shepard?

  It was a fucking dog.

• 0:42Speaker 01

  I would think you would like that.

• 0:43Dax Shepard?

  Now I would, but back then it was overwhelming.

• 0:46Speaker 01

  You're so mixed messages.

• 0:46Dax Shepard?

  It's too big.

• 0:47Speaker 01

  Why don't we rename it to Snoopy Hot Dog?

• 0:50Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  That's fun.

• 0:51Dax Shepard?

  Snoopy Hot Dog. Please enjoy Wild Card. We get support from Quince.

• 0:58Speaker 01

  I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.

• 1:06Dax Shepard?

  I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up and everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  $60? $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories, they skip the middlemen and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.

• 1:47Dax Shepard?

  The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time and he looks iconic.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  It's a uniform.

• 1:57Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:58Speaker 01

  And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully designed furniture. You can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.

• 2:15Dax Shepard?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. This episode is presented by YouTube Premium. YouTube was already great, but Premium supercharges it. If you like YouTube, you'll love Premium. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. Now let's get into today's episode.

• 3:16Dax Shepard?

  John?

• 3:17Speaker 02

  It's John.

• 3:18Dax Shepard?

  What is this cute shirt you're wearing?

• 3:20Speaker 02

  It's to celebrate Cannabis Day.

• 3:22Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. Okay. There's an official Canadian Cannabis Day?

• 3:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, when they legalized it for Canada.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  Oh, that's exciting.

• 3:30Dax Shepard?

  Where in Canada are you?

• 3:31Speaker 02

  Little town called Coldwater, which is about an hour and a half north of Toronto.

• 3:35Dax Shepard?

  Oh, great. Sorry, Monica, but en route to Muskoka?

• 3:38Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 3:40Dax Shepard?

  Oh, lovely. So you have a wild card story, which means we have no clue what this is about. It could be grand larceny, it could be a kidnapping, anything.

• 3:49Speaker 01

  We're hoping.

• 3:50Speaker 02

  You never know. My story started in 2017. My wife and I and two really good friends, Frank and Savannah, planned on going to a set of waterfalls on the river that leads from their cottage lake on Canada Day.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  Oh, ding ding ding.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  So we had all kinds of party favors and stuff like that, snacks, stuff like that. The morning of, I called Frank and says, do you mind if we use your canoe instead of mine? So I don't have to drag it up to the car, out to their place and then back down the hill to their lake. Cause he had a canoe and a kayak. So off we go. We had to motor out to the other end of his lake with a boat and dragging the two canoes where we got to the river. One thing I will say is the water was quite high. I'd been down the river before and we had to portage twice. We never got to the falls at that point. And when we went this time, we just paddled right through. There was no portaging. The water was that high.

• 4:43Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. Okay.

• 4:44Speaker 02

  So we're five kilometers down to the falls and just before the falls, the river got quite narrow. So then all of that extra water was got really fast going through that narrows. And then it did kind of like a sharp turn. And at that point Fiona and I capsized our canoe.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 5:01Dax Shepard?

  Oh, oh. And how far from the waterfall are you?

• 5:04Speaker 02

  I don't know. I'd never seen it before and I didn't actually see the top of the falls. So we're obviously in the water. Frank and Savannah were in a two man fishing kayak and they got pushed against the rocks on the side of the river and they just stayed there as we're flapping around like a couple of wet seals. So then just before I went over the falls, Savannah, our friend, says the rope, the rope is around his neck.

• 5:25Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 5:26Dax Shepard?

  What?

• 5:26Speaker 02

  The rope leading to our canoe.

• 5:28Dax Shepard?

  Oh my.

• 5:29Speaker 02

  Luckily enough, I got her off and went over the falls backwards.

• 5:32Dax Shepard?

  Hold on. Can I ask you, John, how old were you in 2017?

• 5:36Speaker 02

  Late 50s at that point. Same with my wife. She's a couple of years younger. So anyways, over the falls, I'm going backwards underwater.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 5:44Speaker 02

  I'm thinking, I can't see anything behind me. The way I'm traveling, I'm thinking, well, if I get caught, I'm done for. But I thought I could almost live with that. It was a calming thing.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 5:55Dax Shepard?

  Uh-huh.

• 5:56Speaker 02

  So anyways, I pop up and we had like I say, all the crap we had in the canoe. There's a pool noodle right in front of me and I grabbed a hold of it. I couldn't see Fiona anywhere. And I finally got to the side. There was a bunch of rapids at the bottom of the falls. It was about 20 foot drop.

• 6:09Dax Shepard?

  Ooh. Okay. That's significant. Two story building.

• 6:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. Like I say, glad I wasn't watching myself go over.

• 6:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  I got to the side of the river and got out. I've got no glasses, no shoes, and I can't see Fiona.

• 6:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy.

• 6:23Speaker 02

  And I'm screaming, screaming and yelling for her. Our buddy Frank had come down the escarpment, found me because we were on the same side. He's points across the river and she was across the river. He walked down the bank, further down below the rapids, swam across the river to grab Fiona and brought her so we'd all be on the same side of the river at that point.

• 6:42Dax Shepard?

  Whoa.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Then we had to climb up the escarpment up to where his wife Savannah was. We're now down to one boat, like a two man kayak.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:50Dax Shepard?

  Wait, what happened to your canoe? It went over and went downstream?

• 6:53Speaker 02

  No, it's still there.

• 6:54Dax Shepard?

  It's at the bottom of the river.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  It's at the bottom of the falls. Yeah.

• 6:58Dax Shepard?

  Whoa.

• 6:59Speaker 02

  My neck would have been attached to that if she hadn't mentioned about the rope because I didn't, the rope was around my neck.

• 7:03Dax Shepard?

  Also, there's so many ways you can get hurt, right? It's like, will you get hurt falling over and hitting a rock? Or will the boat hit you in the head or all the fucking flops them and jets them?

• 7:11Speaker 02

  I could have got caught on something underneath as well.

• 7:13Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  Horrible.

• 7:15Speaker 02

  Ooh. I don't know if Rob's got the pictures, but there was two pictures of the falls.

• 7:18Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, let's see. Okay, yes.

• 7:21Speaker 02

  Where it shows the river, all you can see is rocks.

• 7:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. For the listener, he went down a rock face with a sliver cut out of it where the river has rushed through. It's just solid rocks.

• 7:32Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 7:33Dax Shepard?

  Big, big, hard boulders. That looks like granite or something.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  Yep. Canadian shield, buddy.

• 7:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, this is not a great waterfall to go over.

• 7:43Speaker 01

  No, thank you. And is this a dead body?

• 7:45Dax Shepard?

  What have you covered with the Canadian flag?

• 7:47Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, no. That's the next part of the story.

• 7:50Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great, great, great, great. Okay.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  Okay. So anyways, that was part of our party favors. We had a Canadian flag for Canada Day. We then decide that Fiona and I and Savannah are gonna get into this two man hobby. You don't have paddles with this. It's got flippers underneath. So the front passenger compartment, we had to take the paddles out so Fiona and I could sit in it. So all we've got is Savannah in the back trying to paddle. So it was against a strong current.

• 8:14Dax Shepard?

  Oh, geez.

• 8:14Speaker 02

  And Frank's trying to swim behind us.

• 8:16Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 8:17Dax Shepard?

  God bless Frank. He's like, I'll take one for the team.

• 8:20Speaker 02

  So I kept yelling back for Frank and of course he's trying to swim and he can't respond. So we actually got about a half a kilometer up the river. I kept calling out to Frank and he wasn't responding. So I just, no more. We're not going any further. And we decided to get off the boat and see what else we could do. Cause we'd also almost capsized the hobby with the fast water. So then comes the body under the flags. There was actually three of us under there. Savannah, Fiona and I are under that Canadian flag.

• 8:46Dax Shepard?

  To keep warm or to smoke weed? What's going on under there?

• 8:50Speaker 02

  The weed's gone down the river.

• 8:52Dax Shepard?

  Oh, no. No.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  The black flies and mosquitoes were just eating us alive.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  The reason why we have the picture was I said to Frank, start taking pictures. And he didn't stop. So he had one bar on his phone and he called 911. 911 operator contacted the local fire department and they said no. And then we're in Seguin Township and it's a volunteer fire department and three fire personnel came down the river on a, on a small aluminum boat.

• 9:17Speaker 01

  Wow. Wow.

• 9:20Speaker 02

  So around that time, an air ambulance starts circling up top. They can't come down and help us, but maybe just to let us know that somebody's around. And we were getting constant updates from the 91 operator. They're at the ramp for the, the lake. It's about two kilometers up to the river. They're at the mouth of the river. They're on their way down.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 9:38Dax Shepard?

  Was anyone hurt?

• 9:39Speaker 02

  I lost my shoes. I bruised up both my ankles, my wrists. And then Fiona had bruising as well. Around the time that the fire department showed up, search and rescue comes in with another helicopter. So it was fire department and two helicopters. We're pretty fucked.

• 9:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. They've really deployed everyone.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  Well, luckily enough, they were in the area doing maneuvers. So it only took them 45 minutes to an hour to get there.

• 10:01Dax Shepard?

  And did all four of you fit in this aluminum boat?

• 10:03Speaker 02

  Well, there was already three big firemen in it. There's no way we could have. Plus they had their hobby to take back out. So there's two SARS techs rappel down from the helicopter and pick Fiona and I up.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 10:14Dax Shepard?

  Airlifted you up.

• 10:15Speaker 02

  Yeah. And you wouldn't believe the downdraft from that thing, especially when you're right underneath it. There was branches and leaves flying all over the place. What we were told later was the downdraft actually knocked down three trees as well.

• 10:26Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 10:27Dax Shepard?

  Whoa, whoa, whoa.

• 10:28Speaker 02

  There may be like a hundred feet above you.

• 10:30Dax Shepard?

  Well, yeah, you gotta assume the helicopter is like 10,000 pounds, which means it's deploying 10,000 pounds of force to lift itself up.

• 10:38Speaker 02

  So we get like, say we get in the helicopter, the SARS tech that was with me said, they're gonna get you to the hospital and they're gonna wrap me in a warm bear hug.

• 10:45Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 10:48Speaker 02

  I didn't ask, he didn't explain, but apparently it's some sort of a warm saline solution in a blanket.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  Oh, that sounds nice. Yeah.

• 10:56Dax Shepard?

  Ward off hypothermia.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  Cause I was shaking like crazy. Of course, I'm soaking wet still. They got us into the Perry Sound Hospital, the emergency department, and they were just phenomenal. They separated us, which kind of upset me a little bit because I wanted to be with Fiona. And of course, they do the procedure. They want to start cutting off all your clothes. And I said, no, you can't cut off the T-shirt. You can't cut off the T-shirt because the last time I was on that river with Frank, I capsized the canoe. We never made it to the falls.

• 11:20Dax Shepard?

  Wow. You keep going though. It doesn't sound like you're an expert bowler, but you keep at it. Normally you'd admire that, but in this case with water, I don't know if you should keep at it.

• 11:31Speaker 02

  But the T-shirt, the text on it is upside down and backwards. And it says, if you can read this, pull me back into the canoe.

• 11:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. Perfect.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. It was the ideal shirt.

• 11:43Dax Shepard?

  If I was picking you up on the rappel line, I would be like, was this premeditated?

• 11:47Speaker 01

  Exactly. Very sim, you're wearing the shirt and it happened.

• 11:51Dax Shepard?

  It's one stop away from a shirt that says, I love emergency rescue airlift rides. You know, it's like, oh God, what does this guy play on this?

• 12:00Speaker 02

  They took like 24 x-rays of me and at least 10 of Fiona. There was some sort of a shadow on her heart. So they were quite concerned about that. Thought they might have bruised her heart, but we both turned out fine.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  Oh, good. Oof, harrowing.

• 12:11Speaker 02

  Oh, it was. It was just devastating. I'd say about eight o'clock that night, we'd left in the morning, but eight o'clock that night, Frank and Savannah finally got to the hospital and it took them six hours to get back to their boat because of the strong current with the fire department.

• 12:25Speaker 01

  God.

• 12:27Dax Shepard?

  Well, that's a very memorable Canada day, for sure. Maybe your most eventful.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  Oh yeah. It was phenomenal. So I was two weeks recovery at home. And at the same time I were, when I got back, I called my boss and because it was a company phone, I had them contact IT department to shut down the phone for security. When I did go into the office to pick up a replacement, I asked the IT guy, did you locate the phone? And he says, yeah, it's in the middle of a lake.

• 12:51Speaker 02

  10 miles down river and it made it, right? Cause it was in a Ziploc bag and dry.

• 12:55Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow.

• 12:56Speaker 02

  I also contacted search and rescue by email because I wanted to thank them. And I got an email back almost right away. He said, well, somebody will contact you within the next day or so. The next day I got a call from the captain from search and rescue. And he says, I hear you want to come down to Trenton because why not? Right? So we made a date trip about a month later to meet the crew and thank them. We get there, the captain meets us out at the base, escorts us in and everything, takes us to the hangar and he says, okay, we've got to go upstairs to a, a meeting room. We get up there, the whole staff is there and they do a morning debriefing for weather and stuff like that because the SARS techs, they cover from the east side of the Rockies to Quebec, up to the Arctic Circle. That's their area. They were actually being prepared to go the next day up to the Arctic to do a training for a week.

• 13:40Dax Shepard?

  Wow. Yeah. What specialist.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  So then after the presentation, they took us downstairs and they brought the helicopters that rescued us out onto the tarmac and the whole crew was there and we got to formally thank them. Pictures. Yeah. They had a base photographer there. That's one of the pictures I think that you guys have got.

• 13:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Lovely.

• 13:57Speaker 01

  That's so nice.

• 13:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 13:59Speaker 02

  What the base commander had said was they never hear from the people they do rescue. And there's no status of what happened or anything else. They were really happy to hear from us and actually see us. But he says nine times out of 10, it's recovery. It gives them some closure as well.

• 14:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely.

• 14:16Dax Shepard?

  You're one of the good stories.

• 14:17Speaker 02

  One of the few. We had our life jackets on and they were done up. That current was really strong and I struggled just to keep the life vest down so I could maneuver, right?

• 14:25Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 14:26Speaker 02

  All of that with the rescue, that two helicopters, the emergency staff and didn't cost us a cent.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  Oh, look at that.

• 14:34Dax Shepard?

  That's really nice. Yeah.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  That is enviable.

• 14:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. That could be a hefty bill.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:40Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:41Dax Shepard?

  In the thousands. Yeah. Well, John, it's lovely meeting you. You sound like a real party.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  Well, I was, my younger days. So I want to give a shout out if I may.

• 14:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:52Speaker 02

  My lovely wife Fiona, our daughter Haley for introducing us to you guys and to Frank and Savannah as well.

• 14:58Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wonderful.

• 15:00Speaker 02

  When I got my contact email from Emma, we were on a boat, on a river with Frank and Savannah.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  Oh, my gosh.

• 15:06Dax Shepard?

  Heading towards a waterfall.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  Sim.

• 15:08Speaker 02

  No waterfall, no waterfall, no waterfall. Can I ask my wife and daughters to come in?

• 15:12Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure. Yeah.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 15:14Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 15:15Dax Shepard?

  Hi.

• 15:16Speaker 03

  Hi, how are you?

• 15:18Dax Shepard?

  Wonderful. Happy summer to y'all.

• 15:21Speaker 03

  Yes, and you. It's just so surreal to see both of your faces. I'm such a huge fan.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Oh, that's so nice.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  I can show you my sweater. I don't know if you can see it.

• 15:30Dax Shepard?

  Oh, the rose. Yeah.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  That's a good one. That's one of my faves.

• 15:33Dax Shepard?

  That is a goodie.

• 15:34Speaker 03

  It is a good one. I can't wear it when I'm cooking because I make a mess of everything, cooking and eating.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  As do I.

• 15:39Dax Shepard?

  I'm often shirtless for those activities. Well, it's lovely meeting all you guys.

• 15:43Speaker 03

  Thank you so much.

• 15:44Speaker 02

  Fiona.

• 15:45Dax Shepard?

  Hi Fiona. Did he cry? Cause he always cries when he tells the story. Did he get through it? We're sad he didn't cry. We would have liked to cry. Yeah.

• 15:53Speaker 01

  But it's a crazy story.

• 15:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. I'm glad you guys are both okay.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. So are we. Thank you so much for taking the time. Of course. Have a great summer. Okay. You too, guys. Bye. Thank you.

• 16:15Dax Shepard?

  We get support from our presenting sponsor, YouTube Premium. Now you already know I'm a big YouTube person. Uh, it's incredible on its own, but premium makes the whole experience feel enhanced. Like you don't realize how much better it can get until you try it. The biggest game changer for me, background play. I love long two hour deep dives, you name it, motorcycles, uh, travel, cars.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  Cooking shows for me.

• 16:41Dax Shepard?

  Cooking. Listen, with premium, you don't have to keep the screen open. So I can lock my phone, slide it into my pocket and listen to a podcast while I'm folding laundry or working out. It's also completely ad free, meaning when a narrator is building up to the climax of an insane story, there's zero interruption. And for travel, offline download saves the day. I love this one. Relying on airplane wifi can be a gamble. So I just download my favorite videos before takeoff. And with smart downloads, premium will automatically download new videos from channels you actually follow without having to lift a finger. I'm covered if I forget to download a video I want to watch, or even if there's no service. And the home run for me is that YouTube premium remembers exactly where I left off and lets

• 17:24Dax Shepard?

  me continue watching on another device from right where I stopped. So I can start a video on my TV while brushing my teeth and pick it right back up on my phone on my morning walk. So yeah, YouTube was already great, but premium supercharges it. If you like YouTube, you'll love premium. Try YouTube premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. We get support from Superhuman. I'm someone who wants to do big, meaningful work, but the small stuff eats up my day before I even get to it. The endless emails, docs, scheduling, follow-ups that pile up. By the time all that's cleared, there's no energy left for the ambitious stuff. Most AI tools promise to fix that, but they require opening a new

• 18:07Dax Shepard?

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• 18:50Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Instagram teen accounts. So we talk a lot on this show about how the world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?

• 19:06Speaker 01

  Which is a fair question.

• 19:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. So Instagram has got something called teen accounts and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them. And time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10 PM to 7 AM.

• 19:33Speaker 01

  Sleep mode is genius.

• 19:35Dax Shepard?

  Right? And here's the thing, for anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age appropriate experiences for teens.

• 19:50Speaker 01

  I am really glad Instagram's helping to give parents peace of mind with teen accounts.

• 19:54Dax Shepard?

  Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts. We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace. And I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective. Running can be freeing and cathartic and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere, whether that's in

• 20:37Dax Shepard?

  your office, living room, or even the attic. Plus they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving. Let yourself run. Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.

• 21:00Speaker 04

  Hello.

• 21:01Dax Shepard?

  Hello. Who do we have here?

• 21:03Speaker 04

  I'm Evy.

• 21:04Dax Shepard?

  Hi, Evy. How are you?

• 21:06Speaker 04

  I'm good. How are you guys?

• 21:07Dax Shepard?

  Wonderful. Where are you?

• 21:09Speaker 04

  I'm currently in the dark corners of our garage.

• 21:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. In what state or country?

• 21:15Speaker 04

  I'm in Toronto.

• 21:16Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 21:17Dax Shepard?

  Back to back Canadians.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  Yes, we just had another Canadian.

• 21:21Dax Shepard?

  You Canadians have a disproportionate amount of stories.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  You guys get yourself into some stuff.

• 21:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. You get a lot of hijinks.

• 21:29Speaker 04

  I'm in Toronto, just for the summer, in university out in Halifax most of the year.

• 21:34Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 21:35Dax Shepard?

  So you're back home for the summer?

• 21:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:37Dax Shepard?

  And are you going out every night and seeing friends and having the most amount of fun?

• 21:40Speaker 04

  I am. I'm doing that while simultaneously I'm doing my first internship at an engineering company.

• 21:45Speaker 01

  Oh, good for you.

• 21:47Dax Shepard?

  Mechanical or civil?

• 21:49Speaker 04

  I'm in chemical.

• 21:50Dax Shepard?

  Oh, good for you.

• 21:52Speaker 01

  Really good for you.

• 21:53Dax Shepard?

  I understood chemistry, but something happened with the math at some point. And I was like, you know what? Fuck chemistry.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  Chemistry was hard for me as well.

• 22:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, honestly, I find it hard sometimes, too.

• 22:02Dax Shepard?

  It is hard. Okay, so you're telling your cousin's story? Is that what's happening?

• 22:06Speaker 04

  So what's happening is my cousin, on a whim, submitted a story about me.

• 22:13Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 22:17Speaker 04

  From her perspective, because she was there the whole time it happened, except I had no idea. And I found out about this late last night.

• 22:25Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 22:26Dax Shepard?

  Okay, wonderful.

• 22:27Speaker 01

  Fun.

• 22:29Dax Shepard?

  This is our first version of this.

• 22:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, we like it.

• 22:32Speaker 04

  It's like a surprise situation, but I'm so excited to be on and to be here.

• 22:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so what happened? We don't know anything because it's wild card.

• 22:41Speaker 04

  So the story takes place up in northern Ontario. We kind of go there in the summer on Georgian Bay. It's kind of this island rock community. And there's a summer camp there that I've been growing up going to with my cousin, Mackenzie. And one summer, it was my first summer working at the camp. I was freshly 16, first job. Mackenzie and I had been assigned a group of a ton of young campers who we hardly knew what to do with under the age of five. It was just like typical Ontario summer camp experience. One morning, I woke up and my dad is quite the weatherman. He's a sailor, so he's always giving us forecasts of what's gonna happen in the day up there.

• 23:26Dax Shepard?

  Does he say red sky at night, sailors delight a lot?

• 23:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, he does.

• 23:30Speaker 01

  He does?

• 23:31Dax Shepard?

  Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning.

• 23:33Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 23:34Dax Shepard?

  Do you know that one? Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning.

• 23:38Speaker 04

  You know what? That's actually applicable to this story.

• 23:41Speaker 01

  Oh, shit.

• 23:41Dax Shepard?

  Okay, someone didn't notice the red sky in the morning, maybe.

• 23:45Speaker 04

  That morning, he actually did. And he was obviously on the radar and he saw this massive storm coming in. It was only supposed to last like an hour. So he's like, okay, go to work early, be careful. Because we drive boats to get everywhere up there. So I drive my boat to work. We're in our morning meeting and our boss is kind of like, okay, there's this crazy storm coming. It's just when the parents and children are arriving, so it's gonna be chaotic.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  Oh, god.

• 24:12Speaker 04

  We're gonna meet in this spot and then we're gonna figure out a plan. And it's just like typical summer camp chaos. Everybody shows up. The campers are just drenched. No one was prepared for the rain. Everyone's running around. People are dropping off their kids. There's parents involved yelling at the staff. We don't know where to go, what to do. And this storm was just insane. I've been up there my whole life. I've never seen something like this. It came and in two seconds, just torrential downpour. There was boats at the front docks that were sinking.

• 24:49Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 24:50Speaker 04

  There's like this massive tree that's been there for decades that completely broke, fell down.

• 24:56Dax Shepard?

  Is there any lightning or just wind and rain?

• 24:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's when the lightning started coming.

• 25:02Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 25:04Speaker 04

  A lightning strikes and then you're counting the seconds. And then it just keeps getting more and more intense. And this storm within half an hour just was the craziest thing I've ever seen up there. There's trees everywhere. And because it was COVID, they had set up these metal event tents drilled into the rock. And instead of meeting in the normal meeting place, the parents had to come drop the kids under these tents because obviously it's raining. We don't want everyone to get all wet. And then everyone's like, okay, this has gone crazy. Half the kids are there, half the kids are gone. There's kids running around the forest. Everyone's drenched. And they're like, okay, we're going inside, masks on, let's do it. We're getting out of there. So my cousin and I are trying to wrangle like eight kids under the age of five.

• 25:49Speaker 04

  Everyone's freaking out and everyone heads inside.

• 25:52Dax Shepard?

  Five is tiny. These kids gotta be terrified.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  So small.

• 25:55Speaker 04

  I'm back at the tent with a few other people trying to pick up their stuff and get the last few stragglers. And obviously, that is probably the least ideal place to be in a storm like that. On an island in the middle of a lake that's made out of rocks, under a tent with metal poles. And out of nowhere, I just feel this insane jolt.

• 26:18Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 26:20Speaker 04

  And shock goes through my body.

• 26:22Dax Shepard?

  Wait.

• 26:22Speaker 04

  And

• 26:23Speaker 01

  You did not.

• 26:25Speaker 04

  Just so much pain.

• 26:28Dax Shepard?

  It's never happened. I've never even spoke to somebody.

• 26:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:32Speaker 04

  I mean, honestly, it's hard to put into words because not many people have experienced it. But all I can say is just this pain is all I remember in my chest, in my body.

• 26:45Dax Shepard?

  How long did it take you to realize you had been struck? I presume you got struck by lightning?

• 26:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, so the thought is lots of people have their opinions. It's like this massive community I'm known as.

• 26:56Dax Shepard?

  Lightning girl?

• 26:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:59Speaker 04

  Reclaim to fame. But the thought is that it went through the tent and then into my leg somehow.

• 27:06Dax Shepard?

  Like it arced off the poles?

• 27:08Speaker 04

  Or maybe I touched it or something, but it was such a brief, I don't know exactly what happened in that moment. I just remember how painful it was.

• 27:15Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 27:16Speaker 04

  But I also wore these chunky silver rings everywhere in that time.

• 27:21Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 27:23Speaker 04

  They were kind of lined up with where I was hit on my leg.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 27:27Speaker 04

  People maybe think that maybe that had something to do with it.

• 27:30Dax Shepard?

  Was there evidence of them arcing against each other or welding themselves to each other?

• 27:35Speaker 04

  No, but on my leg, I had a big blister on one side with like red all around. And I was wearing pants, so it's pretty crazy. But it took me a while. After that happened, I was put into just the most insane robotic state of shock. My cousin, who submitted the story, heard me scream when it happened. But keep in mind, it's complete pandemonium around me. Everyone's freaking out. Everything's going wrong in that moment. And it's just a bunch of people trying to deal with all the other crises going on.

• 28:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you're one of many problems that's happening.

• 28:12Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah. And there weren't that many people around. So my cousin just kept, she was like, okay, what? And then just like kept trying to get the kids. And then I actually don't remember this because I was so messed up. But I went up to a coworker and I said, in the most robotic pale face, I think I just got electrocuted. She looks at me and she's like, what? And then keeps doing her thing. And I said that to multiple people. And no one was really, because that's not what you would expect from someone who just went through so much pain.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  Right.

• 28:50Dax Shepard?

  Also, if I'm being honest, I would prefer you had said I just got hit by lightning. Because like, electrocuted is like, what, you got zapped by the radio, but you're fine? I see that you're walking around like, oh, yeah, let's talk about that in a few hours.

• 29:02Speaker 01

  She can't come up with the words in that moment, I'm sure.

• 29:04Dax Shepard?

  But don't you agree?

• 29:05Speaker 01

  Well, sure. But also, I'd be like, no, you didn't. You're standing here.

• 29:08Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah. Just if someone said they were getting electrocuted, I would not think lightning.

• 29:12Speaker 04

  For some reason, that's all I could get out. And then I went up to an older coworker and I said, I think along the lines, the same thing, just like people describe, I was just so quiet and monotone, which is not like me at all. And he was like, okay, concerned. And then I couldn't say anything. I was like, it hurts. And he was like, okay. And then I pulled down my pants and I was pointing at it. And I was like, this hurts. And then he saw that and then all helped.

• 29:45Dax Shepard?

  He realized you had been struck.

• 29:48Speaker 04

  Yeah. And as soon as someone else started freaking out and more people got involved and they called an ambulance, I just lost it. I was screaming, hyperventilating, crying. Like, I think everything just hit me. I think I was freaking myself out how much I was freaking out because I've just never been in that much panic and fear and shock and everything.

• 30:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. So when they took you to the hospital, did they find anything?

• 30:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, what did they do for that?

• 30:16Dax Shepard?

  Give you a glass of water, apple juice?

• 30:19Speaker 04

  They took me in the hospital in a boat to the station through this massive lightning storm.

• 30:26Speaker 01

  Oh, this is.

• 30:27Speaker 04

  But yeah, then I went in the ambulance and I was just freaking out. And they got me to the hospital. And my mom came and met me and she recounts it as the most terrifying night of her life. Because I just would not stop freaking out. And I just kept repeating, like, I think I, did I, what, like, I was just so confused.

• 30:47Speaker 01

  You were literally frazzled.

• 30:49Dax Shepard?

  Fright.

• 30:49Speaker 04

  They took my blood work. I had to sleep and stay the next day in the cardiac ICU with all the heart monitors. Because I think that's the biggest concern when that happens. But luckily, it went in my leg and out the other side of my leg. But there's speculation as to like, if it had hit me somewhere else at that strength. Because my leg was tensing up and the muscles were really hurting. If it had hit me in the chest or something like that, it could have been a much.

• 31:20Dax Shepard?

  Heart attacks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:22Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 31:24Dax Shepard?

  Did you return to the job?

• 31:26Speaker 04

  I did.

• 31:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, good for you. What a warrior.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  Hard worker.

• 31:28Dax Shepard?

  You must have been the queen of that camp after that. Like, what do you mean you don't want to wake up early and clean the toilets? This bitch got hit by lightning. She's here, you know?

• 31:36Speaker 01

  Kind of makes sense that you're a chemical engineer.

• 31:39Dax Shepard?

  A little bit, yeah.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  It's like all adding up.

• 31:41Dax Shepard?

  Also, that dad's obsessed with the weather. I hate to blame him, but I think he manifested this.

• 31:45Speaker 01

  No, it's not his fault.

• 31:47Dax Shepard?

  No one should be that concerned about the weather.

• 31:48Speaker 01

  No, he told, he was, oh, no.

• 31:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. I'm sorry.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  No.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  Don't blame dad.

• 31:56Dax Shepard?

  It's like if all you think about is knife violence, you're gonna get stuck up with a knife.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  Let's hope this isn't the case. You're obsessed with a lot of violence. That's wild. That's a one and done. I've never heard it. We'll never hear it again.

• 32:10Dax Shepard?

  And you felt completely normal in a week or so?

• 32:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think the level of shock that it put me in took a while to wear off. My leg was really messed up for a while, just kind of felt like an intense bruisey muscle situation going on. But yeah, I was really lucky, honestly. Besides that, I healed up, was back to work in like a week and a half. Had the best summer ever.

• 32:36Dax Shepard?

  And is your cousin gonna join us to say hi?

• 32:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:39Dax Shepard?

  Cousin time.

• 32:41Speaker 05

  Kathy!

• 32:42Dax Shepard?

  Hi.

• 32:43Speaker 01

  You did a nice thing. You sacrificed.

• 32:46Speaker 05

  Oh, well, Evy did a nice thing and agreed to go.

• 32:53Dax Shepard?

  Are you a Canadian too? Have you been to this camp? Oh, you were there. You were there. Yeah, you were close.

• 32:58Speaker 05

  Yes, yes, I was at the camp as well. I was the head staff, so got a little bit of grief for this.

• 33:04Dax Shepard?

  How far away was she when this happened?

• 33:07Speaker 05

  Like right beside me.

• 33:08Dax Shepard?

  Oh my God. So I always wonder how loud the thunder would be if you're in the lightning. Was it so loud?

• 33:14Speaker 05

  It was pretty loud. Lots and lots of screaming toddlers.

• 33:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, the whole thing was probably just a-

• 33:20Dax Shepard?

  This is a disaster. A bunch of teenagers in charge, yeah.

• 33:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a mess.

• 33:24Speaker 05

  Yeah. And camp drop off is normally a disaster for four year olds anyway. When the weather's nice, let alone when the weather is crazy. So I'm sure you can imagine.

• 33:35Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 33:36Dax Shepard?

  Well, it's lovely meeting both of you.

• 33:38Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 33:38Dax Shepard?

  Evy, thanks for telling us that story. I didn't know that I'd ever talk to someone that was hit by lightning.

• 33:43Speaker 05

  No problem.

• 33:44Dax Shepard?

  When people say to you like, cause it comes up in colloquial conversation, someone will go like, oh, you shouldn't worry about that. You're more likely to get hit by lightning. People have probably said that to you, not knowing you've been hit by lightning. Yeah.

• 33:54Speaker 01

  Like, well?

• 33:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, I've heard that multiple times.

• 33:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I would live for that moment. Yeah, I would just be like trying to goad people into saying that sentence to me. I'm just so worried about getting hit in the head with a coconut. And they'd go-

• 34:07Speaker 01

  You have more of a chance of getting struck by lightning.

• 34:09Dax Shepard?

  Well, then I'm fucked because I've been struck by lightning and I would launch into my story.

• 34:15Speaker 01

  Well, this was fun. Thank you, ladies.

• 34:18Dax Shepard?

  Fun to meet the cousins.

• 34:19Speaker 05

  Thank you so much. Nice to meet you guys.

• 34:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, have a fun internship, get drunk a lot, hang with your friends, eat a lot of avocado toast and have a good summer.

• 34:30Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. That was a wild thing to throw in there.

• 34:35Speaker 05

  Thank you. Bye.

• 34:36Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 34:38Dax Shepard?

  You know, young people eat avocado toast.

• 34:40Speaker 01

  Oh, you are so-

• 34:41Dax Shepard?

  They're so young.

• 34:42Speaker 01

  No, that's a millennial thing in quotes, and it's also not a thing.

• 34:46Dax Shepard?

  It's not true.

• 34:47Speaker 01

  That's not true.

• 34:48Dax Shepard?

  I bet younger people eat avocado toast way more than old people. No, you just read the recent avocado report.

• 34:54Speaker 01

  Well, I am a millennial. They're Gen Z'ers. They're eating like cigarettes.

• 35:08Dax Shepard?

  This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing. And Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skillset, a body of work, and it's been private. It's been yours, but at some point you're ready to put it out there. And that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap. Squarespace makes it feel like a step. Beautiful templates, built in SEO, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics, everything you need to go from I've been working on this to here it is, come find me.

• 35:53Dax Shepard?

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• 36:36Dax Shepard?

  to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.

• 36:39Speaker 05

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• 37:19Speaker 05

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• 37:36Dax Shepard?

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you've thought about trying therapy with our long-term partner, BetterHelp, insurance options may now be available nationwide with an average copay for eligible members of just $23 per session. October 10th is World Mental Health Day, but you don't need a day on the calendar to give yourself permission to talk to someone. I've been in therapy for a long time and the stuff rattling around in my head always just quiets down the second I say it out loud. And it doesn't have to be some big life crisis. Maybe it's a work thing that's taking up too much space or hard relationship moment, or just a feeling that something's off. That's enough. That's worth talking about.

• 38:14Speaker 01

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• 38:26Dax Shepard?

  You know, I was just talking to a friend who has just started it. And I said, one of the most powerful elements of it is just hearing yourself say out loud the thing that's been ruminating in your head and how different it sounds once it's out into the world. You gain perspective immediately just by hearing yourself say it.

• 38:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, you do.

• 38:41Dax Shepard?

  If you've been waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with more than 125 health plan networks and eligible members have an average copay of just $23 per session with insurance. Don't have insurance or live outside the US? You can still get 10% off your first month. Do yourself a favor and just try it. Future you will be grateful. Visit betterhelp.com slash DAX to explore your payment options. That's better H E L P dot com slash DAX.

• 39:17Dax Shepard?

  Is this Erin?

• 39:18Speaker 04

  It is. Hello.

• 39:19Dax Shepard?

  Hi Erin. We just met someone that was struck by lightning. Have you ever met anyone struck by lightning?

• 39:25Speaker 04

  I have not. Not that I'm aware of at least.

• 39:27Dax Shepard?

  You're saying, I kind of ruled it out at 51 that I was ever gonna meet anyone that was struck by lightning.

• 39:32Speaker 01

  You know, it is gonna be hard now for me. That's gonna be hard to unhear because now that we know someone, it's like, it could be us.

• 39:39Speaker 04

  New fear unlocked.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 39:41Dax Shepard?

  Erin, where are you?

• 39:43Speaker 04

  I am in Minnesota.

• 39:44Dax Shepard?

  This is crazy. We had another Minnesota today. We have two Canadians and two Minnesotians. And there's some connective tissue between y'all. Y'all are very polite.

• 39:53Speaker 04

  Yes, that plays into my story.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  Oh, exciting.

• 39:57Dax Shepard?

  And are you born and raised there or have you relocated to there?

• 40:00Speaker 04

  I was born and raised in Wisconsin, so pretty much Minnesota.

• 40:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, a lot of flip flop between. So Erin, what line of work are you in?

• 40:07Speaker 04

  I am in early education.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  Oh, congrats to you.

• 40:10Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 40:11Speaker 01

  I mean, congrats to us that we have you.

• 40:13Dax Shepard?

  More definitely. Congrats to us.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  That's what I mean.

• 40:16Dax Shepard?

  I remember when we would drop our two and four year old off at daycare and I just thought like, thank God I get a break. And then I'm like, these three humans inside are gonna deal with like fucking 25 of these. It's incredible. I tip my hat to you, but does the day fly by?

• 40:33Speaker 04

  Yes, I'm not in the classroom anymore. I do more admin kind of training. But yeah, when you've got 14 toddlers running around, it goes pretty quickly.

• 40:41Dax Shepard?

  I bet it boogies. Okay, so you have a wild card story, which means we know nothing about that. I see a stack of photos that are turned over and so we're very excited.

• 40:50Speaker 04

  Perfect. So my story takes place in December of 2018. Me and my best friend Lauren had just moved to the cities, which is like Minneapolis, St. Paul in Minnesota.

• 41:01Dax Shepard?

  Cute. You guys call it the cities?

• 41:03Speaker 04

  We call it the cities. Yes.

• 41:04Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I like it.

• 41:05Speaker 01

  Twin cities.

• 41:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I know twin cities, but just cities is cool.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  Did anyone call them TCs?

• 41:10Dax Shepard?

  Or Twin Peaks?

• 41:11Speaker 04

  We call it the TC marathon. It's like the Twin Cities marathon.

• 41:16Speaker 04

  And then just a little backstory. So as I mentioned, I grew up in Wisconsin, a really small town, about 3,000 people. So like low crime, not really having to be like on guard. I would leave my keys in the ignition in my car overnight. So the city is like new to me. So it's December. Me and Lauren decide on a Friday night, we're gonna go over to our friend Beth's house and Beth, it's her birthday weekend and she was going through or just recently got divorced. So we're just trying to like amp her up and have a good time. And Beth is a really beautiful singer. And so we were like, well, what better than to do karaoke? So as we're looking all of the familiar bars that we know that do karaoke, do karaoke on Saturdays. And so we were like, well, shit, we have to find a bar that does it on Friday.

• 41:59Speaker 04

  And so we're Googling, we're calling, we find a place, we're not familiar with it, but we're like, whatever. We've been at Beth's for a few hours pre gaming. Pre gaming in Minnesota means that you're already pretty much blackout drunk.

• 42:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:11Speaker 04

  So we're up for anything at this point. So we call an Uber, we pull up to the bar and immediately we're like, okay, this is not our normal vibe. A good comparison was in Horrible Bosses where they pull up to the bar to meet Jamie Foxx's character and it's just very evident they don't belong.

• 42:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:29Speaker 04

  That was the vibe when we walked in. Everybody kind of turned and looked and was like, who are you? Why are you here? And we're like, all right, we're moving forward. We see the karaoke bar setup. We're like, this is great. And it honestly ends up being an awesome night. There was nobody else singing karaoke. So we just sang song after song after song. We met some of the other patrons there. We did some group songs. We did some couple songs. Like it was a really good time. And at some point, this woman kind of took to us. She was one of those people where like every time you turned around, she was just kind of there and you were like, oh geez, where'd you come from? And it was clear that she kind of had interest in Beth. So she was like, kind of making some inappropriate comments, touching her more than you would generally touch a stranger.

• 43:09Dax Shepard?

  Okay, it's kind of coming on to her.

• 43:11Speaker 01

  Which is at all, I would say.

• 43:14Speaker 04

  So we have a good time. It's bar closed. We've got to go. So we call the Uber. We're waiting outside and this woman follows us and starts making comments like she's gonna come to Beth's house with us. And we're from the Midwest. So we're like, well, we're not gonna confront that head on. We're just gonna ignore it and we don't want to make her feel awkward. And that was a mistake. We should have confronted her because she got in the Uber with us and came back with us to Beth's house.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  How old is this woman?

• 43:39Dax Shepard?

  I feel like she's older.

• 43:40Speaker 04

  Yes, she was 40s, 50s, maybe. And she was like 100 pounds soaking wet. So she's just a little nugget.

• 43:47Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so it sounds like you guys could overthrow her. Yeah, she gets wily.

• 43:50Speaker 04

  Yes. So we're in the Uber. The three of us are texting like, what are we gonna do when we get there?

• 43:55Dax Shepard?

  And Beth's on the hot seat because she wants a piece of Beth, right? That's what she's coming back to the house for.

• 44:00Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 44:01Speaker 04

  That's what we are thinking. Yes. So we come up with this plan that we're just gonna act like we're all going home for the night. Like the night's done. We're not staying at Beth's. We're going home. So we get out. Well, first Lauren, who called the Uber, she told the Uber driver, she's like, take this woman wherever she needs to go. I will pay for it. Like, it's fine. And so he's like, okay, what address do you need? Let's go. And she ignores him and just gets out of the Uber with us. We're like, okay.

• 44:27Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy.

• 44:28Speaker 04

  So Beth goes to her house. Me and Lauren start walking to Lauren's car and this lady starts following us. We're like, okay, we're gonna commit to the bit. We get in the car. We buckle up. Side note, Lauren drove a two door coupe at that time. So small car, there's no room for passengers. So we think this is a shoo-in. She's gonna get the picture and leave. She does not. She proceeds to sit on my lap.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  No, what?

• 44:54Speaker 04

  In the car while we're both buckled in. So we start asking politely. We're like, can you please leave? This isn't gonna continue. Like the night is over. Please get out. Please get out. And she's not getting out. So finally I got annoyed and I kind of like shoved her. And I was like, get the fuck out. Like, what are you doing?

• 45:11Dax Shepard?

  There we go.

• 45:12Speaker 04

  And that upset her.

• 45:13Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 45:14Speaker 04

  So at that point, she reached across me and like tried to grab my purse, but it was wrapped around the emergency brake. So she's kind of tugging at that for a while, realizes that's not gonna happen.

• 45:25Dax Shepard?

  She wanted to hang, but if she can't hang, now she wants to steal your purse.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  No, she maybe always wanted to, oh, what is going on?

• 45:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, maybe Beth was a red herring.

• 45:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't know. The funny part is I had about $3 to my name at that point. So if she wanted to steal my purse, she very well could have. So Monica, I don't know if you remember the hairstyle of the top knot in 2018.

• 45:47Speaker 01

  Of course, I still rock a top knot.

• 45:49Speaker 04

  Yeah. So that was what I was rocking that night. So at that point, she grabbed me by the top knot and just starts beating the shit out of my face.

• 45:57Speaker 01

  Stop it. Are you serious?

• 45:59Dax Shepard?

  This little 100 pound. You guys picked up a stray cat is what happened. And now, now the cat's clawing.

• 46:04Speaker 01

  Is she on drugs?

• 46:05Speaker 04

  She very well could have been. Yes. We were like, we were buckled in. So that's why we couldn't fight back. It's not our fault.

• 46:10Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure.

• 46:11Speaker 04

  So yeah, she gets at least like 10 punches in. It felt like her fingers were going like inside my eye socket. Like it was so painful. And so after about 10 punches, Lauren, who's next to me, finally reacts. And was like, oh, I need to do something.

• 46:26Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 46:27Dax Shepard?

  She chose freeze, right? That's one of the four options. And then she froze for so long, she rethought. It was like, you know what, actually, I'm, I am gonna get involved. No, I've had time to think.

• 46:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, she had to get there. She's a processor. She reaches across and tries hitting the lady's arm that was holding on to my hair, at which point that made her even more angry. So she so swiftly reaches across, punches Lauren square in the face. Lauren's nose immediately starts gushing blood.

• 46:55Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God. This plan went to hell in a handbasket.

• 47:00Speaker 04

  One punch was all it took for Lauren to then be like, oh, we need to get out of here. This isn't good. So at which point she puts her foot on the gas and we just drive away. No idea what happened to the woman. She at that point was out of the car like beating us up. So the doors open, we're driving down the road.

• 47:17Dax Shepard?

  I gotta tip my hat to this 100 pound woman. I mean, it was two of you, you're youthful.

• 47:22Speaker 04

  She was a fighter.

• 47:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 47:23Speaker 01

  What about Beth?

• 47:24Dax Shepard?

  You guys are speeding away in terror.

• 47:26Speaker 04

  Beth is back at her house. She told us that she could hear the screams and was like about to dial 911, but we had been drinking. So she didn't want to like get us in trouble. So she was like, what do I do?

• 47:37Dax Shepard?

  This is a real Sophie's Choice. Yeah. Drive drunk or continue to get assaulted.

• 47:41Speaker 04

  So we're driving down the road. We pull over into a parking lot and just kind of regroup. I shut the car door. We decide to go back to our apartment. We get in, we're grabbing like frozen vegetables from the freezer and putting them on our face. And then we just kind of like sat there for the rest of the night trying to process like what the hell just happened. And that story has gone on to be told so many times, but that is how Midwestern girls were too afraid to hurt somebody's feelings and ended up getting the shit.

• 48:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:13Dax Shepard?

  Okay. So the photos, I get to see photos. Let's see what we got here. Oh.

• 48:20Speaker 01

  Is this the Malvita?

• 48:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, you really.

• 48:23Dax Shepard?

  She really fucked you guys up, dude.

• 48:25Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 48:26Dax Shepard?

  This is bigger than I was expecting.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  This is so bad.

• 48:30Dax Shepard?

  You guys are so happy about it, too. It's just hilarious.

• 48:33Speaker 01

  Really black eyes.

• 48:34Dax Shepard?

  Also, your eyes so beautiful. You have the most beautiful blue eye. Oh, my God.

• 48:39Speaker 01

  Blue eyes.

• 48:39Dax Shepard?

  Well, you'll see. Yeah, literally. One eye is closed. It looks like you fought a professional fighter. I want to meet this fucking spark plug. This gal's a party. Fucking rearing to go horny for Beth, ready to throw down. What a lady.

• 48:54Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 48:57Dax Shepard?

  She's someone's grandma, I bet.

• 48:59Speaker 04

  Probably. I do have Lauren with me. She loves to say hello.

• 49:05Dax Shepard?

  Hi, Lauren. Listen, who do you think got the worst of it? I feel like Erin got the worst of it.

• 49:11Speaker 01

  You both looked pretty bad.

• 49:13Speaker 06

  Yeah. Erin had about 10 easy punches to the eyes.

• 49:16Speaker 01

  10 punches versus the one. But yeah, you got the nose, which is tough.

• 49:22Dax Shepard?

  I mean, I've been in a lot of fights, Erin. I've never looked this bad after a fight.

• 49:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is bad. This is really bad.

• 49:29Dax Shepard?

  Truly. I mean, I've had a broken nose, but that's probably the only thing that would rival.

• 49:33Speaker 01

  I'm glad she didn't get your teeth. You have such a nice smile.

• 49:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, or that one eye. I'm glad she left the one eye alone.

• 49:38Speaker 04

  I did have some missing eyelashes for a while, but those did grow back nicely.

• 49:42Speaker 01

  Were you afraid you got like rabies or something? I would be afraid of that.

• 49:46Speaker 04

  You know, I don't think that crossed her mind. Nope. Definitely didn't.

• 49:49Dax Shepard?

  I've had a couple of guys in my day where I was like, I need to get an AIDS test afterwards. Like there was blood exchange and that guy, yeah, I think that guy's an intervening drug user. I just fought.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  Oh, man. Wow. Well, you guys, you have a story.

• 50:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you're fun. It's you had the perfect attitude to get beat up. That's the only way to do it, ladies. You did it perfectly. You just take your licks and you try to have as many laughs about it as you can.

• 50:13Speaker 06

  We just couldn't stop laughing after we got beat up.

• 50:15Dax Shepard?

  Okay, good. Yes, that's a dream. Erin and I have been there. Yeah, that's, that's the best response. Well, it's lovely meeting you guys.

• 50:22Speaker 04

  Yes, you too.

• 50:23Dax Shepard?

  Enjoy that summer. Find some karaoke and let's go round two with this bitch. Let's see if it might be your turn.

• 50:31Speaker 04

  Absolutely. We'll be practicing this time.

• 50:33Dax Shepard?

  All right, bye, guys.

• 50:35Speaker 04

  Bye.

• 50:37Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 50:37Dax Shepard?

  That was life affirming.

• 50:40Speaker 01

  Well, you know, it's wild out there. It's a wild and crazy life.

• 50:44Dax Shepard?

  These girls are really beat to a pulp.

• 50:46Speaker 01

  I know.

• 50:46Dax Shepard?

  I don't think people would really believe fucked up they got from a 90. I've made her 90 pounds.

• 50:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, you keep.

• 50:54Dax Shepard?

  I punch up jokes.

• 50:55Speaker 01

  100 is just perfect. Can't believe she was so scrappy.

• 51:00Dax Shepard?

  Horny and scrappy. All right. Well, that was a fun wild card.

• 51:03Speaker 01

  That was fun.

• 51:04Dax Shepard?

  Love you.

• 51:04Speaker 01

  Love you.

• 51:06Dax Shepard?

  Do you want to sing a tune or something? We know a theme song. Okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show. So here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of our Jerry's, we'll get some suggestions. On the fire, Rhyme Dish. On the fire, Rhyme Dish. Enjoy.