Pod Insights Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Armchair Anonymous: Sports Event About this episode Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a live sporting event disaster.
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Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Dax Shepard? Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Lily Padman.
0:05 Speaker 01 Hi.
0:06 Dax Shepard? Today we have sporting event disasters.
0:10 Speaker 01 They can go disastrous in a lot of ways. You can jinx them.
0:15 Dax Shepard? I can jinx them, as just happened.
0:17 Speaker 01 Yep.
0:18 Dax Shepard? Carrying the burden of that. You'd be inclined to think maybe these are really only about sports.
0:24 Speaker 01 Right.
0:24 Dax Shepard? But these go in some turns. We have some twisty turvies by the end.
0:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's true. It's true. Or I guess I would think they're all fights that broke out.
0:34 Dax Shepard? We only have one fight for you.
0:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:37 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
0:37 Speaker 01 So buckle up.
0:38 Dax Shepard? Buckle up. Please enjoy crazy sporting event stories. We get support from Quince.
0:45 Speaker 01 Okay, can we talk about the fact that the holidays are already here? It's crazy. I feel like I blinked and now we're in gifting season, which I'm not really mad about because I do love giving gifts. And Quince is making it so easy to find something great for everyone on my list, including myself. Because let's be honest, self-gifting is a love language.
1:04 Dax Shepard? Quince is seriously the gift that keeps on giving. Their high-quality staples are made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, 14-karat gold, and Italian leather. Full-on luxury quality at prices that won't wreck your holiday budget.
1:20 Speaker 01 It's the dream. The cashmere sweater is starting at $60, down jackets, wool outerwear, cashmere accessories. You and everyone on your list are staying cozy and looking incredible all season long.
1:31 Dax Shepard? Well, I'm gonna tell you this. It just got chilly for the first time this year in California and I'm so excited. And I'm wearing my Quince cashmere right now.
1:38 Speaker 01 It's great.
1:39 Dax Shepard? Yeah, and I am going to gift this to some of my friends. I hope they're not listening.
1:43 Speaker 01 Quince is also more than clothing. They've got fine jewelry for your significant other, leather bags for your bestie, hotel-quality bedding to set up your guest rooms, chef-grade cookware. That's an amazing thing they offer here. And it's such a good gift because people don't like buying cookware for themselves, but it's very important. And they also have five-star luggage, another good gift that people don't like buying for themselves.
2:06 Dax Shepard? Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. This episode is supported by Helix.
2:30 Speaker 01 Okay, can we talk about how November is basically survival mode between the holidays, the travel, the hosting, the cooking, the everything. Sleep is the one thing keeping me from completely unraveling.
2:41 Dax Shepard? It really is the foundation, and I think people underestimate how much a bad mattress is quietly ruining their day. You wake up stiff, your back's angry, you're already behind before your feet hit the floor.
2:52 Speaker 01 That was me before Helix. I took their sleep quiz, which is so fast. It took me like two minutes, and they matched me to a mattress that actually fits how I sleep. Not a guess, not a firm or soft coin flip. It's a real match. I have a midnight mattress, and I really like it. I was noticing it because I actually had to sleep in one of my other beds recently that doesn't have a Helix mattress on it, and I really could tell a big difference in my sleep.
3:15 Dax Shepard? Temperature was all over the map.
3:16 Speaker 01 It was a mess. I need a new one.
3:18 Dax Shepard? Look, they've got over 20 mattress models, so whether you sleep hot, need extra back support, or you've got a partner who moves around all night, there's one built for you. Plus, free shipping and a 365-night Happy with Helix guarantee. That's a full year to decide.
3:32 Speaker 01 Helix has been named the most awarded mattress by Forbes, Wired, and more. So it's not just us being enthusiastic. The experts agree.
3:39 Dax Shepard? Right now, Helix is running their Black Friday sale with up to 30% off. Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. helixsleep.com/armchair.
4:17 Speaker 01 Hello, are you able to hear me?
4:19 Dax Shepard? Oh, beautifully. And what a lovely inviting sweater you're wearing.
4:23 Speaker 02 Thank you. It's very cozy.
4:24 Dax Shepard? Where are you? It looks like there's files everywhere or lab results.
4:29 Speaker 02 These are actually contact lens fit sets. I'm at work, so I'm tucked away in the back office.
4:35 Speaker 01 Are you an optometrist?
4:37 Speaker 02 I'm an optician, but I work in an optometric clinic where we have an optometrist.
4:42 Dax Shepard? Kailin, can you tell us why there's so many names for this? There's an optometrist, an optometrist, and what did you obstetrician? What did you just say?
4:50 Speaker 01 That's an OB.
4:51 Dax Shepard? That's an OB. Okay.
4:52 Speaker 02 We all cover kind of different scopes within the same field. So obviously all eye related. The optometrist is your medical doctor who specializes in ocular health. Optometrist is the eye doctor who does your eye health exams and refracts your prescription. And then the optician, I would compare it to like the pharmacist. So we will edge lenses or fit contact lenses.
5:16 Dax Shepard? And does the optometrist, would they perform a surgery on your eye?
5:20 Speaker 02 An optometrist would, yes.
5:21 Dax Shepard? Optometrist. Is that what it is?
5:24 Speaker 02 Optometrist, yeah.
5:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's spelled with a T H, but I usually drop the H.
5:28 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
5:30 Speaker 02 Maybe it's a Canadian American thing.
5:32 Dax Shepard? I know you're right. I've heard it said that way, but it just is weird to me that everything's opta. But then we go opfa.
5:40 Speaker 01 That's dyslexic.
5:41 Dax Shepard? You've heard me complain enough about the product. So you're obviously in Canada. And did this sport event take place in Canada? And now I regret not wearing my Maple Leaf sweatshirt that I wear quite often.
5:50 Speaker 02 This did happen in Canada. This story took place late 2012. I'm in Manitoba. So if you follow hockey or know anything about the NHL, we earned back our NHL team, the Winnipeg Jets in 2011.
6:06 Dax Shepard? Why had you been booted?
6:07 Speaker 02 In the late 90s, the Jets were moved to Arizona. It's a small market here. It's tough to support the teams. So this all started when my husband at the time and I bought a new truck and the dealership that we purchased it from had a promotion to be entered to win a trip to the Super Bowl. Not a huge football fan, but that sounded really cool. And depending who you ask, we were robbed. Of those tickets.
6:34 Dax Shepard? Oh.
6:34 Speaker 02 I would describe it as there was some shady going ons with the draw. But ultimately, what happened was the dealership as a we're so sorry about that. Gave us two of their corporate tickets to a Winnipeg Jets hockey game.
6:50 Speaker 01 Oh, that's weird. Okay.
6:52 Dax Shepard? It's a little bit of a bait and switch, but it sounds like from your perspective, you'd rather go to a hockey game anyways.
6:58 Speaker 02 Definitely.
6:59 Speaker 01 But the Super Bowl is a big deal.
7:00 Dax Shepard? It is a big deal. That's the thing with these dealership sweepstakes. Somebody's buddies can always win, I think.
7:07 Speaker 02 I don't know what happened exactly, but it was a big to do about it. We get these tickets to go to a hockey game. At that point, it was a very hot ticket and I was about six or seven months pregnant at the time. So we were really excited for a night out before the baby comes. We had great seats and there were a couple of really strong looking men that were sitting behind us. Funny that you had mentioned the Leafs because it was Winnipeg versus Toronto.
7:32 Speaker 01 Oh.
7:33 Speaker 02 These three or four guys were in Leafs jerseys.
7:36 Dax Shepard? Uh oh.
7:37 Speaker 01 Is that a mean team?
7:40 Dax Shepard? There's no mean Canadians. This is on a sliding scale. I kind of feel like Canadians might think of the Maple Leafs as a lot of Americans think of the Yankees. They got too much money and they got too much upper hand. Is that fair?
7:52 Speaker 02 Speaking for myself, I think that's very fair. I don't know that I'm quite comfortable speaking for all Canadians.
7:58 Dax Shepard? Oh, no, you should. You should.
7:59 Speaker 01 You're allowed.
8:00 Dax Shepard? This is your opportunity.
8:01 Speaker 02 They were rowdy. They were having a really good time, had a couple of drinks, but they were not bothering anybody. We also had noticed that sitting beside us were a couple of small, slender, really young guys. They just didn't really appear to be interested in the game at all. They didn't spend a lot of time in their seats. They would come and go really frequently. Towards the end of the game, the Jets are down by one goal and you can just feel that energy. So on the ice, the fans are really into the game. There was a lot of tension. The two younger guys that had been sitting beside us finally returned for probably the last five to 10 minutes of the game.
8:40 Dax Shepard? I'm dying to know what they were doing when they weren't in those seats.
8:43 Speaker 01 Sexual.
8:44 Dax Shepard? Were they powdering their nose?
8:46 Speaker 01 In Canada.
8:47 Dax Shepard? Exactly. It's a little hard to get that up there, but who knows?
8:49 Speaker 01 No, they don't do it there.
8:52 Speaker 02 In the last couple of minutes, these two guys beside us would turn around and just were aggressively chirping at these big Maple Leaf fans standing behind us, who would often say things like, we're just cheering for our team. They were very intentional about not provoking.
9:09 Dax Shepard? They were de-escalating.
9:11 Speaker 02 They were doing their best.
9:12 Dax Shepard? What noble men, big, big noble men.
9:14 Speaker 02 The tension kept building until the buzzer went. And within a couple of seconds, one of the younger guys sitting beside us pushed the closest guy to him that was in the row behind. So they pushed up.
9:30 Dax Shepard? For people who've not been in a lot of fights, this is the worst imaginable situation. You do not have high ground. You have low ground. Much easier to punch down with your weight on somebody than punch up. Okay. So ill-advised plan from the get.
9:42 Speaker 02 These guys sitting behind us, I don't think people typically pick fights with them. They weren't gonna back down from that fight.
9:48 Dax Shepard? Sure.
9:49 Speaker 02 At that point, all hell broke loose.
9:51 Dax Shepard? Oh, wow.
9:51 Speaker 02 There was pushing and shoving, which turned into fists and boots. One of the people beside us ended up getting drop kicked down the stadium seating.
10:03 Speaker 01 Oh, boy.
10:04 Speaker 02 It was one of the most intense and violent scenes I've ever seen in my entire life.
10:09 Dax Shepard? And you're pregnant and you're one foot away. What's your husband's reaction?
10:13 Speaker 02 He was between me and them. He had his back to me. Something that I think is of note is that I am not a violent person. I'm a little bit smug in the fact that I've never been involved in a fistfight or physical altercation with a stranger or really anyone.
10:28 Dax Shepard? Oh, you haven't lived yet.
10:29 Speaker 02 No, he doesn't share that. The opportunity has literally landed in his lap.
10:36 Dax Shepard? He's gotta be kinda conflicted because common sense is you would go to the side of your team that you're both rooting for, but clearly the trans, it's our assholes. You know, do I help the Maple Leafs guys who are my opponent or these knuckleheads who have started this?
10:50 Speaker 01 Right.
10:50 Dax Shepard? A bit of a moral conflict here.
10:52 Speaker 02 This became a crowd. Brawl. There was probably over a dozen people.
10:56 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
10:57 Speaker 02 Against these three Leafs fans.
11:00 Speaker 01 Wait, they were all against? Oh no.
11:02 Dax Shepard? Well, they have because they're wearing the out groups jersey.
11:05 Speaker 01 Very bad.
11:06 Speaker 02 They were holding their own.
11:08 Dax Shepard? Oh.
11:08 Speaker 02 And so when I talked to my ex husband about this, he said, you know, I was prepared to jump in and help if they needed it. I don't think they needed it. One of them had lost their balance, fell forward onto our seats below them and his arms were pinned under his body. And I watched this brute of a man wiggle out of his jersey with the agility of a gymnast.
11:33 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
11:33 Speaker 02 Stand up now shirtless.
11:35 Dax Shepard? Oh, perfect.
11:36 Speaker 02 And continue throwing punches.
11:38 Dax Shepard? People always wonder when you watch a fight, within seconds, people have their shirts off. You know, they didn't stop to take it off. There is some bit of magic there.
11:45 Speaker 01 And where are the Mounties?
11:47 Dax Shepard? The Mounties are minutes away.
11:49 Speaker 01 Oh my god, trotting over.
11:51 Speaker 02 A brawl in this situation is really uncomfortable to me. And especially because I was pregnant, I felt really defenseless. I wasn't able to hold off a crowd of angry men who were fighting.
12:03 Dax Shepard? Or even make your way speedily out of the crowd.
12:07 Speaker 02 So where we were sitting was in a section next to the entrance where the Zamboni gets onto the ice. There was only one way in and out of our section, which was through this brawl of people. I tried to remind my husband at the time, very gently by putting my hands on his arms, I'm still here. Please think of me and your unborn child in your decision making from here on out. And he showed a lot of great restraint. He ended up not throwing a single punch, did not get involved. There was blood. There was people whose foreheads had gashes opened. It was really gruesome. Finally, a security officer arrives to our section and just goes, I don't have a radio. I need help.
12:52 Dax Shepard? Can you imagine being that guy and stepping up to like 15 full grown men fighting, thinking, oh my God, my job is to make peace right now?
12:59 Speaker 02 I don't get paid enough for this.
13:01 Speaker 01 Exactly.
13:02 Speaker 02 Eventually, police arrived. And broke up the fight. They hauled off the guys that they thought were responsible. We got out of there unscathed, which was really nothing short of a miracle. Like any true proud Canadian, when the adrenaline wore off, I wrote a strongly worded letter to the venue. And I let them know that I just thought it had been mishandled and I didn't hear a thing. I thought maybe I would get an apology or maybe I'd be lucky and get tickets to some other event.
13:33 Speaker 01 Some free shit.
13:34 Dax Shepard? Maybe even some Super Bowl tickets I'm angling for. Yeah, but all came full circle.
13:39 Speaker 02 A couple of months later, I received a phone call from our local RCMP officer, who just confirmed that I was home and let me know he was going to be paying me a visit that day. He served me with a subpoena. So my name got brought into this case because I had emailed.
13:56 Dax Shepard? Okay. Did you feel any responsibility to tell the police, hey, the two transients started this? Like, these three guys were kind of stand-up dudes and they're in an unfortunate situation.
14:08 Speaker 02 Before we left, we actually did pull aside some of the employees at the venue and said, you've got the wrong guys. So I wasn't thrilled to be subpoenaed in this trial. The Leafs fans in this case had been charged with assault.
14:21 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
14:22 Speaker 02 Ultimately, I did receive a phone call from the prosecutor who, when they interviewed me and I said, I'm probably not your girl. So my understanding is that they did settle out of court, but I was not asked to show up.
14:34 Dax Shepard? So probably they reduced the charges.
14:37 Speaker 01 That feels unjust. I don't like that. They're just trying to cheer.
14:42 Dax Shepard? You know, I gotta be honest, in my many, many situations and crowded bars where this kind of thing happens, it's not your stereotype of who starts. It's not the big guy, Jenna. It's the little motherfucker who's got to prove something. He and his buddy who feel little, they gotta pop off.
14:57 Speaker 01 They just had sex in the bathroom.
14:59 Dax Shepard? Yeah, they just did some blow in the bathroom, feeling themselves.
15:03 Speaker 01 Don't judge a book.
15:04 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it's very messy situations. Well, I'm glad you got out of there without catching an elbow or something.
15:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:11 Speaker 02 I feel very fortunate. That baby that was in my belly is. Now, an 11 year old hockey loving kiddo. He is a goalie, so he's delightfully weird. And we love listening to Armchair Expert. We listen in the car when we're on long drives. And I feel like I'm raising the next generation of Armcharrys.
15:31 Dax Shepard? Oh, please do.
15:33 Speaker 02 He told me last night, he goes, Mom, can you tell them my favorite episode was with Mark Rober?
15:38 Dax Shepard? What's his name?
15:39 Speaker 02 That's Arthur.
15:40 Dax Shepard? Arthur, thank you for listening, Arthur. You must be a very bright boy. Well, Caitlin, thank you for that. That was a great story. It was wonderful meeting you.
15:49 Speaker 02 You guys too. Thank you so much. I've appreciated this.
15:51 Dax Shepard? Okay, take care. Opto.
15:55 Speaker 01 Optomologist.
15:56 Dax Shepard? No, but she was an obstetrician.
15:58 Speaker 01 Yep, she was an OB.
16:00 Dax Shepard? An optimist.
16:11 Dax Shepard? We get support from No Bull. The holidays can get hectic. You finally hit a post summer routine and suddenly you're on hosting duty every week.
16:21 Speaker 01 That's when you really need to ground yourself.
16:24 Dax Shepard? Exactly. And that's why I keep my training routine through the holidays. It's the whole No Bull idea. There's a no bullshit training brand built around consistency, honesty, and just putting in the work. It's not about adding more pressure to an already packed schedule. It's about having the gear and the habits to move through the season your way. My personal favorite, all three of the shoes are fantastic. The Outwork, the Outwork Flex and the Drive 2. I like the Drive 2 because it's a hybrid and I lift, of course, but I also like to do what's called box jumps. Right? I do a lot of jumping onto a little platform and I want a little more flexibility. And boy, do they deliver.
17:01 Speaker 01 And if you're a cardio person and you're running and you also need to be lifting.
17:05 Dax Shepard? And the style is banging. I don't know what to say. Beautiful style, very breathable, very, very comfortable, lots of support. They were built for lifting.
17:13 Speaker 01 They also make a great holiday gift. You know, I love gifting, a purposeful one that actually supports someone's goals and routines. And it's not a gift that just ends up in the back of the closet.
17:22 Dax Shepard? Stay stronger than the season. Head to nobolproject.com all holiday season to shop new deals every week. We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace and I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective. Running can be freeing and cathartic and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere, whether that's in your office, living room, or even the attic.
18:06 Dax Shepard? Plus, they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving. Let yourself run. Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com. We get support from ZipRecruiter. Oh, get recruiting. So I went down this rabbit hole the other day on real holiday jobs that exist and I couldn't stop. Somebody out there is hiring a ham glazer, a professional ham glazer. Another place is hiring a lead elf, implying a whole hierarchy of elves I had never even considered. Here's the thing, these jobs need real skills. People like that are hard to find. Whether you're hiring for one of these roles or any other role,
18:48 Dax Shepard? the best way to find qualified people who are genuinely excited about your role is on ZipRecruiter. And right now you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com/dax. Plus ZipRecruiter has a new feature that shows you the most interested qualified candidates first, so you meet the right people faster. No wonder ZipRecruiter is the number one rated hiring site based on G2. Let ZipRecruiter find the right people for your roles, seasonal or otherwise. Try it for free today at ziprecruiter.com/dax. That's ziprecruiter.com/dax. Meet your match on ZipRecruiter.
19:36 Dax Shepard? Hello.
19:37 Speaker 03 Hello.
19:38 Speaker 01 Look at this background.
19:39 Dax Shepard? Katie, yeah, it feels like we're joining you on a set, almost.
19:42 Speaker 03 This is my meditation slash creative closet.
19:46 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it does look like you could definitely shoot a scene from that 70s show in there as well.
19:51 Speaker 03 That's kind of what I was going for.
19:53 Dax Shepard? Oh, good. You nailed it.
19:54 Speaker 03 This was perfect timing. A couple of weeks ago for the new year, I was working on a vision board and it kind of took a life of its own and it became a wall and then became a whole closet.
20:03 Speaker 01 Oh, my God. Awesome.
20:05 Dax Shepard? And then really quick, the curtain, it seems to be like James and the Beanstalk type foliage.
20:10 Speaker 01 No, that's James and the Giant Peach.
20:11 Speaker 03 Just a tapestry. It has a bunch of mushrooms, just a lot of imagery.
20:16 Dax Shepard? Okay, so you had a sporting event story. Where are you at, really quick?
20:19 Speaker 03 I'm on the eastern shore of Virginia. My story didn't take place here, but this is 2005-ish. My parents get divorced and I'm going back and forth between their houses.
20:32 Dax Shepard? Can I ask what age you are?
20:34 Speaker 03 10, 11. A perfect age for divorce.
20:36 Dax Shepard? Mm-hmm.
20:36 Speaker 03 So going back and forth every weekend, two very different houses. I'm at my dad's house and he's a lifelong Celtics fan, just basketball fanatic in general, but specifically the Celtics. So he passes that on to me and that's kind of our bonding thing. And so whenever I'm at his house every other weekend, all we're doing is watching the Celtics, talking about the Celtics, learning about the Celtics. He had these instructional tapes specific to Larry Bird. That's what an adolescent girl wants to do, right? Is like watch these instructional DVDs of Larry Bird, like talking into the camera. And if you want to imagine the house from Animal House, rugged frat house vibes meets Celtics fan meets like
21:21 Speaker 03 Deadhead sort of deal.
21:23 Speaker 01 Okay.
21:24 Speaker 03 He has this big, open dining room and there's no dining room table. He's nailed a basketball net above a door frame.
21:30 Dax Shepard? You were 10 or 11 and he's what, 13 or 14?
21:33 Speaker 01 I was like, how young is this dad?
21:36 Speaker 03 Exactly. No, he acts like that. He would totally own that. He was like 40 when he had me, so he was... The type of dad that's a lot older.
21:42 Dax Shepard? Oh, right. So he's like my age now.
21:44 Speaker 03 Fast forward to 2010 and for Christmas, he's gotten us tickets to go see the Celtics.
21:50 Dax Shepard? Oh, wow. And Kevin Garnett is there now?
21:53 Speaker 03 Yes, this is the same team essentially as the 2008 championship team. So the big three, Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce and Shaq's on the team.
22:04 Dax Shepard? Wait, Shaq was on the Celtics?
22:07 Speaker 03 One season only.
22:08 Speaker 01 Well, what a great window you got in there.
22:10 Dax Shepard? Oh shit, you're dealing with three of the top 40 players of all time right there.
22:14 Speaker 03 This is a big deal. So we're flying to Boston. It's the night of the game. Typical boomer energy. Dad wants us to go to dinner before the game at the oldest restaurant in the country. It's a seafood establishment.
22:28 Speaker 01 Oh, boy.
22:28 Speaker 03 So I actually decided to not get seafood. I get a burger.
22:31 Dax Shepard? Somebody tells me you're gonna be grateful for that later in this story.
22:34 Speaker 03 I'm not sure about that. Maybe now for getting to tell you guys the story, but at the time.
22:40 Speaker 01 This was a bait and switch. We thought it was gonna be a bad seafood, but it's a bad burger.
22:43 Dax Shepard? It might be a bad burger. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
22:46 Speaker 03 Flash forward again, it's the fourth quarter of the game. We're courtside, baby.
22:50 Dax Shepard? Oh, wow.
22:51 Speaker 03 We're behind home bench. The energy's electric. It's a close game. It's everything you could ask for. And then I turn and look at my dad and my face goes green and I'm like, dad, I think I gotta puke.
23:03 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
23:05 Speaker 03 Not great timing. And so something you don't think about with the closeness of seats is that the bathroom proximity is gonna be a major problem.
23:15 Dax Shepard? That's the trade off.
23:17 Speaker 03 And so I'm booking it. As soon as I say that, he's like, do what you need to do. So I just start like I'm sprinting up the stairs. All I can think about at that time is, oh my gosh, my Jumbotron debut is gonna be me just projectile vomiting over all these people. But I made it. I'm going into the hallway of the bathroom and just kind of start spraying vomit down the mirrors, down the sink.
23:40 Speaker 01 Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
23:41 Dax Shepard? You really let it rip.
23:42 Speaker 03 I called my dad yesterday to get some more details. He was trailing behind me as I'm running up and I'm sure he stopped and like wanted to check the swearboard first before he took care of me and he said that he could smell what was happening.
23:56 Speaker 01 Oh, boy.
23:57 Speaker 03 Before any vision.
23:59 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
24:00 Dax Shepard? Oh, wow.
24:01 Speaker 01 God.
24:02 Speaker 03 I asked because I felt like you guys would want the details. I'm like, what did it smell like?
24:06 Dax Shepard? Sure, I'm glad, I'm glad you got this detail.
24:09 Speaker 03 And he just said it was just out of this world.
24:11 Speaker 01 Oh.
24:13 Speaker 03 He can hear it, women just screaming, bloody murder, just like something horrible happened.
24:19 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah. And you're 15, so you've passed the threshold where you'd be a little kid that they'd feel bad for. You're a woman enough that it's just fucking disgusting.
24:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, I guess I hadn't thought about that aspect of it. I didn't get as much sympathy as I would have.
24:34 Dax Shepard? Yeah, right. If you were 11, people would be like, oh, sweetie, are you, you know, but if you're pushing five foot two, people are like, fuck this, this gross bitch.
24:43 Speaker 01 This nasty bitch.
24:44 Speaker 03 Exactly.
24:45 Speaker 01 She's probably drunk.
24:47 Speaker 03 And then he finally gets up there and he sees women fleeing the scene out of the entrance and the exit, just like mass exodus of the bathroom. While this chaos is happening, my dad thinks to go to the merch stand.
25:01 Dax Shepard? Oh.
25:01 Speaker 03 She's probably gonna need another Celtic sweatshirt because I'm like decked out.
25:04 Dax Shepard? This story is filled with twists and turns because even when he said, go.
25:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:09 Dax Shepard? I thought, oh, he's gonna hang back and watch the game, but no, he's behind her. And then he's like, fuck, I'm gonna hit this merch stand. No, that's to get her a shirt. You have a good dad.
25:17 Speaker 03 I do. He's thinking of me, but he's really thinking of himself because he's like, I need to get back to the fucking game.
25:23 Dax Shepard? Probably spent a lot of money on those seats.
25:24 Speaker 01 He wants to be good so bad.
25:27 Dax Shepard? That's that tension.
25:29 Speaker 03 He's a great dad. So he gets me the sweatshirt and it was funny him telling me yesterday. He was like, I felt so bad for you. You had been through so much. I got you the most expensive sweatshirt they had. So that was him like recapping it to me. The like demon exorcist moment was over and he kind of peeks his head in, hands me the sweatshirt. And he's like, you know, we should probably get back to the game. It's a close one and there's only a few minutes left.
25:53 Dax Shepard? We should book it back to the seats soon as you're changed out.
25:56 Speaker 01 You ready?
25:57 Speaker 03 New sweatshirt on, but I had really, really long hair at the time and it's just cape. But you know, that's not a priority right now. We have a basketball game to get back to. So I do the walk of shame down all those steps. At that age, I'm already really anxious and thinking everyone's looking at me and judging me all the time anyway. But I know that they were. I was acutely aware, walking down those steps that everyone's like, that's the girl that was running to the bathroom and you can smell me, but we made it back. They did lose.
26:31 Dax Shepard? Well, I think you got lucky because food poisoning for me, it's certainly not just one trip.
26:35 Speaker 03 That was kind of what was weird about it.
26:37 Dax Shepard? That's what they have perfected over the time they've been in business. They know how to give you just a very cute.
26:43 Speaker 01 Just a quickie.
26:45 Speaker 03 So I don't really know what the lesson and all that is. Maybe get the type of food that they specialize in.
26:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, there you go. You should have gone seafood.
26:51 Dax Shepard? I'll take that. I guess that's a lesson.
26:54 Speaker 01 Cautionary.
26:54 Dax Shepard? Clutching at straws, but sure.
26:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
26:57 Dax Shepard? Well, Katie, it's lovely meeting you.
26:59 Speaker 03 Yes. Can I just tell you guys really quick? I'm a therapist and I started listening to you guys in 2020. I just started grad school at William and Mary. I was going there for clinical mental health counseling and you have to kind of like pick a specialty when you start. And I had originally picked family therapy, quickly lost interest in it. And I was like thinking about changing to addiction. I have a lot of family experience with that. I'm like, I think that's what I should do, but I was unsure. And someone in my cohort had told me about Armchair. I was commuting from the Eastern Shore to Williamsburg. So it's like almost three hours.
27:36 Dax Shepard? Oh, fuck.
27:37 Speaker 03 I listened to you guys nonstop and the first episode I ever listened to was day seven. And that was literally life changing, a sign I thought that I should specialize in addiction and I did.
27:49 Dax Shepard? And how's that going? Do you like it? We're tough.
27:52 Speaker 03 That's the funny part. So I got out, I started working at a practice specifically for addiction and it ended up being more prescription drug addiction, which is heavy, heavy stuff because it's usually co-occurring with all the other substance use. So I will say it was a little much for me.
28:08 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
28:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:10 Dax Shepard? It's not for everyone. Like when you hear Gabor Maté, you're like, my man.
28:14 Speaker 03 Oh my God, I love him. That family experience stuff with being activated. So needless to say, I did resign quickly from that, but I have my own practice now and I see everything and I do some substance use. I do a lot of eating disorder stuff too. So still in the addiction realm, but I just wanted to thank you guys.
28:33 Dax Shepard? Well, thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that. Sorry on behalf of all of us, Ash.
28:39 Speaker 03 It was a great learning experience and it got me to what I'm doing now.
28:42 Dax Shepard? Yeah, wonderful. All right. Well, nice meeting you. Take care.
28:47 Speaker 01 What is the beanstalk?
28:49 Dax Shepard? Jack and the Beanstalk.
28:50 Speaker 01 Jack and the Beanstalk and James and the Giant Peach.
28:53 Dax Shepard? And James and the Giant Peach, you know, was originally gonna be James and the Giant Raspberry?
29:00 Speaker 01 Really?
29:01 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I just heard this. What's his name? Adol?
29:03 Speaker 01 Roald Dahl.
29:04 Dax Shepard? Roald Dahl.
29:05 Speaker 01 You know, I have an original Charlie and the Chappa Factory.
29:08 Dax Shepard? Did he write that?
29:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
29:10 Dax Shepard? What a prolific.
29:11 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
29:12 Dax Shepard? Mother scratcher. What an imagination.
29:14 Speaker 01 Very into him.
29:15 Dax Shepard? I wish you could remember the details of why.
29:17 Speaker 01 He moved it to Peach?
29:18 Dax Shepard? Yeah. Oh, it's in the Paradise show.
29:21 Speaker 01 Oh, wow.
29:23 Dax Shepard? That's why I know that.
29:24 Speaker 01 A peach makes more sense because I don't know.
29:30 Dax Shepard? Because I grew up in Georgia.
29:32 Speaker 01 Because for me, it's more relevant.
29:36 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it should have been a cherry. Oh, it might have been it. Michigan's cherry.
29:40 Speaker 01 You would have remembered if it was a cherry.
29:42 Dax Shepard? I think it was.
29:43 Speaker 01 No.
29:44 Dax Shepard? Now that I think about it.
29:46 Speaker 01 Hi.
29:47 Dax Shepard? Hi. What, your shirt says, in my wonder?
29:51 Speaker 03 Wonder garden. My family and I.
29:53 Speaker 04 Indoor playground.
29:54 Dax Shepard? Ah, where at in the country is this?
29:57 Speaker 04 I'm in South Florida.
29:58 Speaker 01 Oh.
29:59 Dax Shepard? South Florida. Didn't it like snow in Florida?
30:02 Speaker 04 It did. I just saw that in North Florida, they have eight inches of snow already.
30:06 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's wild. It snowed in Georgia.
30:08 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it's one thing to get like a dusting every 10 years, but to get eight inches in Florida is wild.
30:13 Speaker 01 Not to say I have powers.
30:16 Dax Shepard? Well, go ahead.
30:17 Speaker 01 But when I got home for the Christmas, my dad picked me up from the airport and I was like, I wish it would snow.
30:23 Dax Shepard? Oh, you just.
30:24 Speaker 01 And it has not snowed there in so long. And he was like, yeah, that's not gonna happen. And then in his sim mind, he was like, oh, but I'm gonna do it as soon as you leave. So sorry, or you're welcome.
30:35 Dax Shepard? Yeah, there's not a single snowplow in the whole state. That's what's funny when it happens in these places. There's just nothing. You just have to sit there and wait for it to melt. Okay, so Emily, please tell us about your sporting event story.
30:46 Speaker 04 So this takes place in about 2005. I went to college down in Miami.
30:50 Dax Shepard? At the U?
30:51 Speaker 04 I did.
30:52 Dax Shepard? Oh, best 30 for 30 ever.
30:54 Speaker 04 To be honest, I'm not a huge sporting person, which makes this even funnier. I started dating a bartender at one of the dive bars that we used to frequent all the time. The most fun part about dating him was his roommate worked for the Miami Heat. And his roommate was actually the guy who was in charge of the Jumbotron.
31:14 Speaker 01 Oh.
31:14 Dax Shepard? Oh, wonderful.
31:16 Speaker 04 Super cool. And we got to go to the games all the time. And I wasn't so much into it for the sporting of it, but really for the social aspect. So it was coming up on Valentine's Day, which is also my birthday. His roommate came home one day. We were at their apartment. And he was like, listen, I have this really cool idea. I wanted to see if you guys would be game for it. We're gonna have you guys come to a game. And we're gonna do like the kissing cam, you know, where the Jumbotron pans around.
31:45 Dax Shepard? Oh, yeah.
31:45 Speaker 04 And lands on different couples and they kiss. And he's like, but when we land on you guys, Matt's gonna propose. And you have to say no, but you have to do it like super dramatically.
31:56 Dax Shepard? Oh, this is a huge.
31:57 Speaker 04 Slap him in the face. Slap.
31:59 Speaker 01 Oh, my goodness.
32:00 Speaker 04 Yeah, he was like, really, roll your eyes, slap. And it'll be hilarious and people will love it and everybody will laugh.
32:07 Dax Shepard? He has a terrible opinion on what the outcomes of these things will be.
32:11 Speaker 01 He doesn't understand love.
32:12 Speaker 04 Tell me about it.
32:14 Dax Shepard? People will cheer. They'll be delighted that a guy got turned down and slapped in public. It's gonna be a blast.
32:19 Speaker 04 Yeah, you're foreshadowing this story.
32:40 Speaker 04 So I was young and stupid and I was like, sure, I'm game. That sounds so fun.
32:45 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you're gonna be on TV.
32:47 Speaker 04 That's what I was thinking. You might be on the news after this. We even like went a few days early to lock the whole thing and meet with their AV team. They're like, okay, this is where you're gonna be seated. And this is the camera angle. So you guys have to play to the camera.
33:03 Speaker 01 This is kind of a peek behind the curtain. They planned this shit?
33:07 Dax Shepard? Well, I think they knew on occasion.
33:08 Speaker 04 Well, they certainly planned this one.
33:09 Speaker 01 Yeah, wow, okay.
33:12 Speaker 04 That morning, I'm getting all dolled up because I'm gonna be on TV and I'm so excited. The game starts. At one point, the roommate like came over and kind of gave us a nod like, okay, it's gonna happen soon. So be on the ready.
33:26 Speaker 01 Oh, are you nervous?
33:27 Speaker 04 Strangely, I don't think I was because I was young and stupid and I really saw this as.
33:34 Speaker 01 Your big break.
33:35 Dax Shepard? I would have been in the exact same state of mind. I couldn't wait for this to happen.
33:40 Speaker 01 This is my nightmare.
33:41 Speaker 04 It comes up on the screen and they start kind of panning around to all these different couples and they laugh and they kiss and everybody's cheering. And then it comes to us and just as we rehearsed, he stood up and he got down on one knee and he even had like a fake ring box. And he like presents this ring to me and I tapped into my high school drama club training. And I really went for it. I made a choice that I was gonna go for like disgust, you know? So I'm looking at him and I'm like, oh. No, and I'm rolling my eyes and boo.
34:17 Speaker 01 Oh, yes.
34:17 Speaker 04 What I wasn't prepared for was everyone in there to completely turn on me. They didn't just start booing. The place erupted in the loudest sea of boos. I don't know how many people fit in one of these arenas, but thousands upon thousands.
34:35 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I think around 50,000, we could safely say.
34:38 Speaker 04 All directed their hate at me, screaming boo boo.
34:45 Speaker 01 Oh, fuck.
34:46 Dax Shepard? Not 1% of you had forecasted that this might happen. So you're completely ill-prepared.
34:51 Speaker 04 I thought I was going to be a star.
34:53 Speaker 01 You were the hero. Yeah.
34:55 Speaker 04 And I was the villain. And were you like, they made me do it!
34:59 Dax Shepard? I'll marry him.
35:01 Speaker 04 I thought it was over, but no, throughout the rest of the game, they kept panning back to us.
35:07 Dax Shepard? No.
35:08 Speaker 04 At least three or four other times. And every time, all over again, it was like a running joke, the whole place would.
35:16 Speaker 04 They hated me. I even went to the bathroom at one point and this group of old ladies, they were so mean to me.
35:23 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
35:23 Speaker 04 And they were like, what's wrong with you? Why won't you marry him? He's too good for you anyway.
35:28 Speaker 01 Holy shit. Now I hate all these people.
35:32 Speaker 04 Clearly, I started hysterically crying.
35:34 Speaker 01 Oh, that's a lot of bad energy toward you.
35:39 Speaker 04 It was so awful. And thankfully, this was 2005, so there weren't cellphone videos like there are now.
35:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:47 Speaker 04 So I never had to think about it again. I never had to see it again. I was begging them to leave. He was like, no, we can't leave. We have to stay. And then after the game, we meet up with the whole group and they're laughing and applauding us. And wasn't that great? Wasn't that the best? And I was like, did you guys just experience the same thing I experienced? Because he became the golden boy. Everyone in the place loved him.
36:11 Speaker 01 Oh, my.
36:12 Speaker 04 The sweetheart who had his heart on his sleeve and got turned down by this bitch.
36:16 Speaker 01 Oh, he's very Munchausen-y.
36:19 Dax Shepard? Yeah, every gal in that arena wanted to marry him all of a sudden. Ask me, ask me.
36:24 Speaker 01 You should have been like, he abuses me.
36:27 Dax Shepard? He saved me with my sister.
36:30 Dax Shepard? I can totally see that being on the news in 05.
36:34 Speaker 04 I didn't hear about it if it was.
36:37 Dax Shepard? Did the roommate expose himself as always knowing that was gonna happen? In his celebration of how great it went?
36:43 Speaker 04 If they knew that I was gonna be the butt of this joke the whole time, nobody clued me in to it. I was just completely taken aback. What do you mean, everyone hates me? I'm supposed to be the star here. And at one point, I even tried to say like, it's a joke, it's a joke. And they were like, no, no, no, you can't do that.
37:01 Speaker 01 Oh, my God, it's a little bit of hubris. It's a little bit like you went in quite cocky and then you did get taken down.
37:12 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it's pretty Greek tragedy-esque, yeah. Oh, my God, Emily, how long did it take you to recover from that experience?
37:18 Speaker 04 Thankfully, I was 19, so probably by that night, I was fine.
37:21 Dax Shepard? Yeah, what you had 17 natural lights, you were right back in business.
37:25 Speaker 04 I was fine, but I did break up with that guy afterwards and then we lost our connection to go to the game.
37:32 Speaker 01 Whatever, fuck him, he was a bad guy.
37:34 Dax Shepard? I don't think it was safe for you to be at those games anymore, to be honest.
37:38 Speaker 04 I don't think so either. I was like, public enemy number one in Miami, who knew?
37:42 Dax Shepard? I love that the grandmas were confronting you in the bathroom.
37:45 Speaker 04 They were the worst ones. They were so evil, I couldn't believe it.
37:49 Dax Shepard? Oh, wow, what an experience.
37:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's really something.
37:52 Dax Shepard? Very memorable. Well, Emily, thank you.
37:55 Speaker 04 Thank you so much. I've been like a day one arm cherry and my sister Eden and my best friend Esther and I always kind of recap each of the episodes afterwards.
38:04 Dax Shepard? Shout out Eden, shout out Esther.
38:06 Speaker 01 Two Es.
38:07 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
38:08 Speaker 01 And three Es.
38:08 Dax Shepard? Three Es.
38:09 Speaker 01 Triple E's. I love that.
38:13 Dax Shepard? E cubed.
38:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:14 Dax Shepard? All right, take care, Emily.
38:16 Speaker 04 Love you guys. Thank you so, so much.
38:18 Speaker 01 Bye.
38:19 Dax Shepard? I think that happened to the best person imaginable.
38:22 Speaker 01 Yes.
38:22 Dax Shepard? Like, you would have, I can't even imagine what you would have.
38:26 Speaker 01 Well, let's be clear.
38:27 Dax Shepard? You would have never been in that situation.
38:28 Speaker 01 100%. I would never have said yes.
38:30 Dax Shepard? But let's just assume.
38:32 Speaker 01 Oh, if a arena was booing me, I would still be under the covers, like, for real. I have to pee. That made me have to pee.
38:40 Dax Shepard? Okay, made the impossible possible.
38:44 Dax Shepard? Hello.
38:44 Speaker 01 Hey.
38:45 Speaker 05 How's it going?
38:46 Dax Shepard? Great. Do you want a fake name, which I'm always excited about? Is your real name George or your fake name George?
38:52 Speaker 05 My fake name is George, yes.
38:54 Dax Shepard? Okay, I might intermittently call you Yorgo, the Greek pronunciation of George. Just look for that. Where are you?
39:01 Speaker 05 I'm in LA. I'm in Calabasas, Woodland Hills area.
39:03 Dax Shepard? Okay, and you have avoided?
39:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, you're all right over there?
39:07 Speaker 05 Yeah, we're okay. We were surrounded by the evacuation zones. I've got 10 month old twins, so we evacuated for their air quality. That was our first time leaving with the baby, so it was intense. But other than that, we're safe. We're back home. Everyone's happy, so it's good.
39:17 Dax Shepard? Okay, good, good, good. Okay, so you attended a sporting event. I like to think you might be liable for something if you want a fake name.
39:24 Speaker 01 Me too.
39:25 Speaker 05 There's a criminal element, but luckily it's all okay at the end.
39:28 Dax Shepard? All right.
39:29 Speaker 01 Let's hear it.
39:29 Dax Shepard? Yeah, hit us.
39:30 Speaker 05 I went to UCLA. This is at a UCLA football game, UCLA versus USC.
39:34 Dax Shepard? Oh, perfect game. At the Coliseum or at the Rose Bowl?
39:37 Speaker 05 It was at the Rose Bowl. Okay, so the year before, UCLA lost to USC 50 to 0.
39:41 Speaker 01 Oh my.
39:42 Speaker 05 We usually always lose, but so this year, this was our chance, it was at the Rose Bowl, so it's packed. So we're at the student section. Incredible game. It kind of goes down to the wire. Three minutes left, like it's getting clear, we're gonna win. At the UCLA student section, there's no assigned seating. You can make your way to the front if you're there early. So I was front row with my three friends, and then everyone just starts chanting, of course, "Rush the field."
40:02 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
40:02 Speaker 05 "Rush the field."
40:03 Dax Shepard? Wow.
40:04 Speaker 05 So this is like, okay, the entire student section's about to rush. I'm front row, so it's my duty to go first.
40:11 Speaker 01 Do you have a painted body?
40:12 Speaker 05 I did not have a painted body, just classic UCLA gear.
40:15 Dax Shepard? And did it cross your mind to take your shirt off before entering the field? Because that seems customary as well.
40:20 Speaker 05 That did not cross my mind there.
40:21 Dax Shepard? Okay.
40:21 Speaker 05 It's a "rush the field, rush the field." But then, two minutes before, they line up, the SWAT team, I swear. They are like in riot gear, lining up, and signs start showing like, "Do not rush the field." But I'm like, you know, "Rush the..."
40:36 Speaker 01 You're bouncing a lot here. What do you do?
40:39 Speaker 05 10 seconds, the clock's ticking. I make eye contact with one of these SWAT guys, and he's just looking at me like, "Don't do it." I remember I just looked at him like, "I am doing it."
40:50 Speaker 05 3, 2, 1, we win. Everyone's about to follow. Here we go, we're rushing. From the field, I'm front row. We go, nobody follows us. It's just me and my three friends.
40:57 Dax Shepard? Oh, no. No one joins.
40:59 Speaker 05 UCLA is a little nerdy.
41:00 Dax Shepard? Well, I was gonna say, I can't even believe they were fucking shouting, rushed the field, because when I went, it was a snooze fest and I never went back.
41:07 Speaker 05 Yeah, USC versus UCLA kind of gets hyped up. So I was like, this is our moment. But no one goes. I make it about three feet. I'd basically jump into the arms of the SWAT.
41:18 Speaker 05 So I get tackled and beat to the ground, put into this crazy arm bar. There's a great picture. I think they sent you that.
41:25 Dax Shepard? Oh, my goodness. I can't wait to see. Oh, no, you're not joking. The man has you in a jujitsu arm bar. He's got his legs over your chin.
41:33 Speaker 01 And you're screaming.
41:34 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you're clearly in a ton of pain.
41:36 Speaker 05 So you could tell that this guy like wanted to be a member of this SWAT team. He's just the security guard.
41:40 Dax Shepard? This was his audition. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
41:43 Speaker 05 That was like found in Google results. Like if you just Google like UCLA versus USC fan for years. This is a wild guess.
41:48 Speaker 01 Oh, my God. You were the rowdiest fan that's ever been at UCLA.
41:51 Speaker 05 We get escorted to go to the Rose Bowl Detention Center, but the game just ended and there's no like secret tunnel here. So they escort us to this detention center. Basically, it's on the other side of the stadium. We're just walking through all of the fans leaving the game hyped up. We just won. I'm in handcuffs and I look at the woman who's escorting me like, this is my moment. Please, I'm so sorry, but can I have five minutes like celebrating with people? She's like, sure.
42:11 Dax Shepard? What? Wow, this is mixed messages. Overly aggressive arm bar, jujitsu move, and now they're gonna let you celebrate a little bit.
42:19 Speaker 05 This whole walk, I'm giving people high fives when I'm handcuffed, so I'm giving them with my head. We go to the detention center area. I'm with my three friends and it kind of gets serious now. We're in fake jail, but they're telling us now you're going to real jail. The head honcho is like, no one's rushed my field in 20 years.
42:35 Dax Shepard? Well, that's just more feathers in your cap, if you ask me.
42:37 Speaker 05 Exactly. I didn't make it very far. But then I remember when I did get tackled, I got kind of hit in the stomach with a baton a little bit. So I realized that and I start like screaming in pain. Like I need to go to the hospital.
42:50 Speaker 05 I feel bad because my three friends also can't do this ruse. It bizarrely works. All of a sudden, I'm in an ambulance being taken to the hospital.
42:57 Dax Shepard? Oh, you didn't even have to walk back to your car. This is kind of working out perfectly. You got a police escort out of the stadium and now you're. Getting a ride out of the game.
43:04 Speaker 05 I feel really bad though, because my three friends, they spend the night in jail.
43:06 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
43:07 Dax Shepard? They took them to jail for that?
43:08 Speaker 05 Yes, scary big boy jail.
43:10 Dax Shepard? Pasadena jail?
43:11 Speaker 05 That's true. They said it was scary.
43:14 Dax Shepard? Yeah, well.
43:15 Speaker 05 I go to the hospital. I'm there for like five minutes and my cousin picks me up and I go to the after party and it's like.
43:21 Speaker 01 This is so great.
43:23 Speaker 05 Then like a couple of weeks later, I get a notice in the mail that like I have a court date. Pasadena courthouse. I think it's gonna be like a parking ticket, like there's some sort of fine. But I show up and they're like, you're being charged with inciting a riot. Here's your public defender.
43:34 Dax Shepard? No fucking way. Inciting a riot? That has to be a felony, yeah?
43:38 Speaker 05 No, I don't think it was a felony, but it was a misdemeanor. I didn't end up getting charged with it. I meet the public defender. She's giving me the rundown and then all of a sudden we're talking with the prosecutor. I'm like a 19 year old kid, just like, I thought this was a parking ticket. They're debating my sentence. They're doing the plea bargain like right in front of me.
43:53 Dax Shepard? Oh, my goodness.
43:55 Speaker 05 The big debate is should I do 100 hours of community service with the city or with UCLA? So my public defender gets it to UCLA and that's my punishment, 100 hours community service with UCLA. The next day I go to UCLA community service office and I tell this guy my story. He was this really cool guy, almost like a hippie energy. And he just laughed it up and he said, that's ridiculous. If you sell 10 of these pamphlets, we're done here.
44:14 Dax Shepard? Oh, wonderful.
44:17 Speaker 05 They're like 12 bucks each. I go back the next day with a $120 check. He signs me off.
44:21 Dax Shepard? And you just bought them yourself, I'm assuming?
44:23 Speaker 05 Yeah.
44:24 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah. You did absolutely zero hours of anything. That's what it sounds like. Still probably a net time save. At any point had you told your parents what was happening?
44:33 Speaker 05 Definitely at some point I called them. My parents are pretty relaxed. They thought it was funny. This story became kind of lore. So actually my future wife was at the game. She was a UCLA student as well. And she was there with her father and her father, huge football fan. He was pissed why no one rested the field. So he was going on to my wife, like, why did anyone rest the field? Like, they should have done it. They should have done it.
44:50 Speaker 05 My wife, who I was friends with, was like, I knew this one crazy guy that did. And he thought that was so cool. And then years later, when we started dating, he was fired up to learn that like I was that guy.
44:57 Dax Shepard? Oh, yeah.
44:59 Speaker 01 You got some cred.
45:00 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you got kind of a red carpet into that.
45:02 Speaker 01 Nice. You're in a sim for sure. There's no questions. That's fantastic.
45:08 Dax Shepard? Yorgo, what a blast meeting you. Great story.
45:11 Speaker 05 Before we go, my wife and sister are the most diehard.
45:14 Dax Shepard? Oh, get them in here.
45:15 Speaker 05 Here we go.
45:16 Speaker 01 Hi. Biggest fans ever.
45:18 Dax Shepard? Oh, my God, you have a Ted Ziger shirt.
45:20 Speaker 01 Thank you guys so much for what you do. We love you.
45:22 Dax Shepard? And we've been listening for years and years.
45:24 Speaker 05 They finish each other's sentences about your episode. It's the weirdest thing.
45:26 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
45:27 Speaker 05 Talking about it. They're not even finishing their thoughts. They're just like riffing back and forth.
45:31 Dax Shepard? Our own armchair language.
45:32 Speaker 01 That's very flattering.
45:33 Dax Shepard? Enormously flattering.
45:35 Speaker 01 You guys are all very beautiful.
45:36 Dax Shepard? Yeah, beautiful and smart. Well, like most armchairs, if I'm being honest.
45:39 Speaker 01 It's true.
45:39 Dax Shepard? Yeah, pretty consistent. We've just been dreaming. Well, very nice to meet all of y'all. And that Seeger shirt looks incredible on you. Don't ever take it off.
45:49 Dax Shepard? All right, take care.
45:50 Speaker 01 Bye.
45:53 Dax Shepard? What did he say?
45:54 Speaker 01 Are you tearing up?
45:57 Dax Shepard? He makes me think of your friend Robbie, even though I've never met him.
46:00 Speaker 01 Oh, Robbie doesn't look like him at all, but they're both smart and sports fans.
46:06 Dax Shepard? And like, great personalities.
46:08 Speaker 01 Yeah. He looked like Rob McElhenney.
46:10 Dax Shepard? Oh, sure. A little bit.
46:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:11 Dax Shepard? Little bit, little bit, little bit.
46:12 Speaker 01 Well, that was fun.
46:13 Dax Shepard? Yeah, that finished strong.
46:14 Speaker 01 Sports. Go sports.
46:16 Dax Shepard? Go sporting team. Love you.
46:17 Speaker 01 Love you.
46:20 Speaker 06 Do you want to sing a tune or something? We have a theme song.
46:24 Speaker 06 Okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of armchairs, we'll get some suggestions. On the fire, rhyme dish. On the fire, rhyme dish. Enjoy.
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