Armchair Anonymous: I Quit

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us a crazy "I Quit" story. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ http://www.wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Lily Padman.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 0:06Dax Shepard?

  Today's Armchair Anonymous prompt was, "I quit." Tell us a crazy, "I quit" story. Now, guess what? You can finally listen to this.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Oh, good.

• 0:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you can listen to this one. There's, um, let me hold on, Heidi. Well, yeah. Yeah, there is some, I guess, light animal cruelty, but the animal's dead.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. Okay. So, other than that, I think you're free to listen. Please enjoy, "I quit." This episode is brought to you by McDonald's. The Quarter Pounder with Cheese with Medium Fries and a Drink is now $8.

• 0:43Speaker 01

  What?

• 0:44Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I need to talk about something that doesn't get enough respect. The Quarter Pounder with Cheese. This is not a casual burger. This is a crafted burger. We're talking 100% fresh beef cooked right when you order it. No artificial flavors, no fillers, no preservatives, just beef doing what beef is supposed to do. And here's a detail I love. There's a cowbell sound in the kitchen. When somebody orders a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a cowbell goes off and the Grill Master throws a fresh patty down. That's like having your own entrance music at McDonald's. I want a cowbell for everything in life. The onions are hand-topped by someone who just knows the right amount. Two slices of cheese laid out in a star pattern, so every single bite gets cheese. And two pickles, side by side, so you're never in a pickle desert.

• 1:28Dax Shepard?

  Every bite is accounted for. Someone engineered this thing with love. I love a Quarter Pounder.

• 1:34Speaker 01

  Me too. That's my order. It's a Quarter Pounder with cheese. I love it. I didn't know they put so much effort that they did a star formation. I should have known because you can taste it when there's effort.

• 1:46Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the love. Don't tell anyone this, but I'll put two of them back.

• 1:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm not surprised.

• 1:52Dax Shepard?

  The Quarter Pounder with Cheese with Fries and a Drink, now $8 for a limited time only. Only at McDonald's. For a limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. Fresh beef not available in Alaska and Hawaii. Offer not valid for delivery. We get support from Quince.

• 2:11Speaker 01

  Okay, can we talk about the fact that the holidays are already here? It's crazy. I feel like I blinked and now we're in gifting season, which I'm not really mad about because I do love giving gifts. And Quince is making it so easy to find something great for everyone on my list, including myself, because let's be honest, self-gifting is a love language.

• 2:30Dax Shepard?

  Quince is seriously the gift that keeps on giving. Their high-quality staples are made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, 14-karat gold, and Italian leather. Full-on luxury quality at prices that won't wreck your holiday budget.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  It's the dream. The cashmere sweater, starting at $60, down jackets, wool outerwear, cashmere accessories. You and everyone on your list are staying cozy and looking incredible all season long.

• 2:57Dax Shepard?

  Well, I'm gonna tell you this, it just got chilly for the first time this year in California, and I'm so excited, and I'm wearing my Quince cashmere right now.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  It's great!

• 3:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and I am going to gift this to some of my friends. I hope they're not listening.

• 3:09Speaker 01

  Quince is also more than clothing. They've got fine jewelry for your significant other, leather bags for your bestie, hotel-quality bedding to set up your guest rooms, chef-grade cookware. That's an amazing thing they offer here, and it's such a good gift because people don't like buying cookware for themselves, but it's very important. And they also have five-star luggage, another good gift that people don't like buying for themselves.

• 3:32Dax Shepard?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  Hi.

• 4:15Dax Shepard?

  What a beautiful, robust set of headphones you're wearing.

• 4:18Speaker 01

  And the wall, is it plaster?

• 4:20Dax Shepard?

  No, that's a sheet.

• 4:21Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  I'm a labor and delivery nurse. My supervisor's a huge armcherry and she pulled out like a baby warmer that's in one of our closets. And I used foam surgical tape and taped up all these places.

• 4:34Dax Shepard?

  Oh my goodness. What's your boss's name?

• 4:36Speaker 02

  Scotty.

• 4:37Dax Shepard?

  Big props and shout outs and thank yous to Scotty. Okay, Kaylee, what did you quit?

• 4:41Speaker 02

  I quit a job at a wildlife agency. So I live in Idaho. My freshman year of college, I applied for my dream job, which was on a snorkel crew. So it was for a summer. It was in rivers. And so we would have like these different sites that we would snorkel to. And we would count fish. So like count different kinds of trout and see if there's juveniles, adults. And then we would also check up on people fishing and see like if they were catching salmon. It's what I was going to school for, which was wildlife biology. We camped the whole summer together. It was just me and one other girl. The rest were older dudes.

• 5:24Speaker 02

  And so of course I'm 19 and have like a huge crush on one of the like leads of the crew. Each day we had split into groups of two. And so of course I volunteered to go with the guy I have a crush on.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  This is hot.

• 5:39Dax Shepard?

  Let's call him Greg.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  He needs a name that's kind of like a hot mess.

• 5:42Dax Shepard?

  Trevor.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  Oh, Trevor's great.

• 5:45Speaker 02

  I volunteered to go with Trevor. So we're going down like these back roads and going way too fast.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  Trevor.

• 5:52Dax Shepard?

  He's wild.

• 5:53Speaker 02

  Unfortunately, we're listening to My Dick by Mickey Avalon. He is driving. He leans down to grab our radio to call out. And he loses control of the vehicle and it hits the gravel. He overcorrects, hits the guardrail.

• 6:09Dax Shepard?

  Oh boy.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  And we're probably going like 60 miles per hour. And we're in a brand new Yukon.

• 6:16Dax Shepard?

  Oh no, those are gorgeous.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  I know, in a company vehicle. He hits the guardrail and we roll three times.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 6:24Speaker 02

  Airbags, everything shatters. We have a ton of equipment. Everything's going out the windows. It's wild. I'm being suspended. Because the truck landed where I'm on the top. So I'm like hanging over and I can't open the door because it's so heavy above us. He's trapped. He can't get out either. But there was a fish trap like across the road and someone was there and heard us. Ran across, got us out and took us to a very, very small hospital there, if you can call it a hospital. Where our crew meets up with us and they're cutting my clothes off in front of my crew. And I am like probably ten years younger than everyone.

• 7:10Speaker 02

  This is not what I was going for. So luckily, he was fine. I mean, maybe luckily.

• 7:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I wouldn't mind if he had a broken arm or something, to be honest.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  So I just have like a shoulder strain, but they put me in a sling. So I couldn't drive home. So I had to call my mom.

• 7:28Dax Shepard?

  Oh no, from your first job?

• 7:30Speaker 02

  She drives three hours, comes and picks me up. Go home and I take thirteen days off to just recover my shoulder. And so they put me on like muscle relaxers. This whole time I'm home, I have horrible diarrhea.

• 7:46Speaker 02

  All day, every day. And my mom's like, something is very wrong. So I went to the doctor and I got giardia.

• 7:54Dax Shepard?

  Giardia?

• 7:55Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 7:55Dax Shepard?

  How'd you get that?

• 7:57Speaker 02

  So it's a parasite that you get from dirty water.

• 8:02Dax Shepard?

  No, no, no different, but bad.

• 8:04Speaker 01

  We just had another necrotic flesh.

• 8:07Dax Shepard?

  This isn't necrotic flesh. So sorry. She can't stop thinking about hearing the necrotic flesh story.

• 8:13Speaker 01

  Very similar to necrotic flesh.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  I feel like it was. I was so, so sick. They also call it, which is so gross, but they call it beaver fever.

• 8:23Speaker 01

  Cause it goes in your vagina? No, the beaver's poop and then you eat it. Okay, I got it.

• 8:31Speaker 02

  So I got it from, I'm assuming snorkeling in gross water.

• 8:35Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 8:35Speaker 01

  God.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  We would snorkel little tributaries and stuff, so sometimes you would get there and just be like, I can't even see in this murky ass water. It was sometimes nasty. So they put me on anti-parasitics and I'm like, cool. I'll go back to work. Still into the guy that tried to kill me.

• 8:52Dax Shepard?

  Gotta see Trev.

• 8:53Speaker 02

  He's like hitting me up, making sure I'm okay. I'm like, this guy just heart of gold. So I go back. On day fourteen, I can't go hiking because I am literally shitting myself every five seconds. They're like, it's cool. We'll drive down the river to a different site. And this time it's my actual boss driving. And Trevor is the passenger and I'm in the backseat. And we have this new company vehicle, since we totaled the other one. It has like suicide doors. So you have to open the front door to get the back doors open. My window is down. And then we also have my boss's puppy in the bed in a kennel.

• 9:35Dax Shepard?

  Uh oh.

• 9:36Speaker 02

  My boss and Trevor had gone on like a night hike. My boss was super tired and he was like, hey, I need someone else to drive. Who do you think he chose to drive?

• 9:45Dax Shepard?

  T-Dog?

• 9:46Speaker 02

  Not me.

• 9:47Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Again?

• 9:49Dax Shepard?

  Sexism.

• 9:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:50Dax Shepard?

  Strikes again.

• 9:51Speaker 01

  After he just crashed, this is so.

• 9:53Dax Shepard?

  He's the reason you're in a pickup truck.

• 9:54Speaker 02

  Two weeks ago, literally, to the day. So he switches drivers and probably five minutes later, we are rolling.

• 10:03Speaker 01

  Stop it.

• 10:06Speaker 01

  Are you?

• 10:07Dax Shepard?

  Five minutes later, we are rolling.

• 10:09Speaker 02

  I am fucking serious.

• 10:10Dax Shepard?

  Trevor, oh my god, what a putz.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  He should never be allowed to drive again.

• 10:16Speaker 02

  We're rolling down and in bankman and land in the river.

• 10:22Dax Shepard?

  Oh my god.

• 10:24Speaker 01

  This is how that lady died.

• 10:26Dax Shepard?

  I know, that scarred you. I'm sorry, Kaylee.

• 10:30Speaker 01

  Why do you keep apologizing? These are normal things I'm saying.

• 10:33Dax Shepard?

  She doesn't know what you're talking about. I know you're referring to Mitch McConnell's sister.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  Sister-in-law. She drowned in a situation like this.

• 10:42Speaker 02

  So when we roll down, I am so lucky. Because it lands the same exact way as the first one. I'm suspended above the water. I had to undo my seatbelt, stand in the river. And then my window was open, so I like squeezed through. I look behind me and the puppy in the kennel is floating down the river.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 11:08Dax Shepard?

  Oh my god, now it's like a Disney movie where the puppy gets separated and goes down the river.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  Oh, and he has an adventure and then he makes his way back.

• 11:14Dax Shepard?

  Makes friends with a cat.

• 11:15Speaker 02

  We were lucky because the rest of the crew was right behind us. And so someone like hopped in the river, gets the puppy, the puppy's okay.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Putting up some people.

• 11:26Dax Shepard?

  Fuck them.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  I wiggle out, I'm like standing on the top of the truck and I look and I see my boss and Trevor just chilling, fine. And I just looked at my boss and I was like, I fucking quit.

• 11:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 11:39Speaker 02

  Immediately. Like I was like, hey, you're breathing, you're breathing, I fucking quit. Like I hate you.

• 11:45Dax Shepard?

  Ah, ah, ah.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 11:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you're trying to kill you twice.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  So I call my mom and I'm like, mom.

• 11:51Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  My poor parents.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  I know.

• 11:55Dax Shepard?

  Was she like, honey, is it the diarrhea?

• 11:57Speaker 01

  How's the giardia holding up?

• 11:58Dax Shepard?

  How's your fever?

• 12:01Speaker 02

  I got all my shit. We went back to base camp. I got in my car, drove home and never looked back. I dropped out of the biology program.

• 12:10Dax Shepard?

  Oh wow, this was really life changing.

• 12:13Speaker 02

  Yep, and then I went to nursing school.

• 12:15Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 12:16Dax Shepard?

  Well, we love nurses.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  But super devastating. I was so excited. It was like my dream job. It was so cool. And then I was like, I'm gonna die if I continue.

• 12:26Speaker 01

  Yes, two strikes.

• 12:29Dax Shepard?

  Did Trevor reach out after the second one?

• 12:31Speaker 02

  He did, and he probably for like a year, he would just be like, hey, you doing okay? The crazy shit is that they like drug tested him and everything, obviously. He was just dumb.

• 12:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 12:44Speaker 02

  But he also changed his career. He's now a plumber, so life changing for everybody.

• 12:48Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I'm glad he's not a Uber driver. All right, or a chauffeur. That was a great story. Two rollovers within two weeks.

• 12:57Speaker 02

  I had to like do counseling. I couldn't go through a car wash for months.

• 13:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a lot.

• 13:03Speaker 02

  Sound of the water on the metal.

• 13:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, well, if it got you mad enough to go, I fucking quit. They pushed you to the breaking point.

• 13:10Speaker 02

  They did.

• 13:10Speaker 01

  Yeah. Wow.

• 13:12Dax Shepard?

  Well, thank you so much.

• 13:14Speaker 02

  It's so exciting to talk to you guys. I emailed Emma back. Yes, I'm available before I even looked at my schedule. And then I was like, shit, I'm at work. I gotta figure this out. But Scotty came in for me. I do have to shout out Emily. He's also another armcherry. We talk every week about what's going on. And then my dad, Tyler, he's been clean for like 18 years now.

• 13:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, go Tyler.

• 13:40Speaker 02

  So we both listen to Armchair.

• 13:43Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 13:43Speaker 01

  I love this.

• 13:44Dax Shepard?

  Delighted to have the whole family.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is incredible.

• 13:47Dax Shepard?

  And the nurse team. Winners.

• 13:48Speaker 01

  And Emily.

• 13:49Dax Shepard?

  All right, well, we adore you. Thank you.

• 13:51Speaker 02

  Thank you so much. It was so great meeting you guys.

• 13:54Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care. You think you've ever had beaver fever?

• 13:58Speaker 01

  No, I think I would know. I mean, sometimes I do have diarrhea.

• 14:02Dax Shepard?

  Take your temperature.

• 14:03Speaker 01

  I don't. You know why? I don't go in ponds.

• 14:06Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 14:06Speaker 01

  Or lakes or rivers.

• 14:08Dax Shepard?

  Very clear of ponds.

• 14:09Speaker 01

  Any water. Good thing I didn't get it when I almost drowned.

• 14:14Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 14:14Speaker 01

  On the river, on our tubing. If I got giardia beaver fever.

• 14:18Dax Shepard?

  I would still be paying.

• 14:20Speaker 01

  You would, yeah.

• 14:31Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Gusto. So here's the thing about running a small business that nobody romanticizes. It's not the big idea that wears you down. It's the payroll, the tax filings, the wait, do I need workers comp for this stuff? That's the part that quietly eats away your whole afternoon, which is where Gusto comes in. Gusto is online payroll and benefit software built for small businesses. It's all in one, remote friendly and incredibly easy to use so you can pay onboard and support your team from. They handle automatic tax filing, direct deposits, health benefits, 401k, all of it. And you get unlimited payroll runs for one monthly price. No hidden fees, no surprises.

• 15:12Dax Shepard?

  If something tricky comes up, you've got direct access to certified HR experts who actually know what they're talking about. And they're ranked number one on G2's highest satisfaction products list for 2026, and trusted by over 500,000 small businesses. That's not nothing. Try Gusto today at gusto.com/dax and get three months free when you run your first payroll. That's three months of free payroll at gusto.com/dax. Again, that's gusto.com/dax. We get support from our sponsor, Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Gleepran.

• 15:54Dax Shepard?

  Foundo is a once-daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.

• 16:09Speaker 03

  Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it or if you or someone in your family had medullary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes. If you're nursing, pregnant, plan to be, or taking birth control pills, and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems. Once Daily Foundo is available by prescription only

• 16:51Speaker 03

  in 0.8 mg, 2.5 mg, 5.5 mg, 9 mg, 14.5 mg, and 17.2 mg tablets. Learn more at foundo.lilly.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.

• 17:06Dax Shepard?

  This episode is supported by Helix.

• 17:10Speaker 01

  Okay, can we talk about how November is basically survival mode? Between the holidays, the travel, the hosting, the cooking, the everything. Sleep is the one thing keeping me from completely unraveling.

• 17:20Dax Shepard?

  It really is the foundation, and I think people underestimate how much a bad mattress is quietly ruining their day. You wake up stiff, your back's angry, you're already behind before your feet hit the floor.

• 17:31Speaker 01

  That was me before Helix. I took their sleep quiz, which is so fast. It took me like two minutes and they matched me to a mattress that actually fits how I sleep. Not a guess, not a firm or soft coin flip, it's a real match. I have a midnight mattress and I really like it. I was noticing it because I actually had to sleep in one of my other beds.

• 17:49Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Recently.

• 17:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 17:50Speaker 01

  That doesn't have a Helix mattress on it and I really could tell a big difference in my sleep.

• 17:54Dax Shepard?

  Temperature was all over the map.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  It was a mess.

• 17:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  I need a new one.

• 17:57Dax Shepard?

  Look, they've got over 20 mattress models, so whether you sleep hot, need extra back support, or you've got a partner who moves around all night, there's one built for you. Plus free shipping and a 365 night happy with Helix guarantee. That's a full year to decide.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  Helix has been named the most awarded mattress by Forbes, Wired and more. So it's not just us being enthusiastic, the experts agree.

• 18:18Dax Shepard?

  Right now Helix is running their Black Friday sale with up to 30% off. Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. helixsleep.com/armchair. We get support from Skims. Okay, I have a confession. I genuinely love matching pajamas. It's the best part of Christmas morning, really. Everyone in the same matching set looking ridiculously cute in front of the tree.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  I love matching pajamas. I'm literally going to be in coordinating sets with all my friends this holiday season. Because I got them, spoiler to my friends who are listening, the same Skims pajama set I've been living in. They are so soft and cozy and they look cute. So you can leave the house and go get a late night hot chocolate. Be cozy.

• 19:12Dax Shepard?

  It's so great how Skims has sets for everyone too. Women's, men's, kids, even your pets. So nobody in your life has to be left out this year.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  I have a bunch of different pajama sets. One of my favorite is the organic cotton sleep long sleeve set.

• 19:28Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 19:29Speaker 01

  It is so comfortable, very chic, too. The top is a button down, but very, very soft, easy to sleep in. But as I said before, you can multi-purpose this and look super cute.

• 19:41Dax Shepard?

  Hot chocolate runs. It's like the pajamas we grew up in, except without the scratchy polyester that made opening presents feel more like a hot yoga class that nobody signed up for.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  All the nostalgia, none of the discomfort. Shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select armchair expert in the dropdown menu that follows. If you're looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Skims Holiday Shop is now open at skims.com.

• 20:18Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 20:19Speaker 04

  Hello. How are you guys doing?

• 20:21Dax Shepard?

  Good. And are you a cyclist or just a fan of like French posters?

• 20:24Speaker 04

  I'm a fan of travel posters, but I'm also a cyclist. That's from RagBri, which is a ride across Iowa. They do it every year from the Missouri River to the Mississippi River.

• 20:35Dax Shepard?

  Tom Arnold did this several times, I believe. It's a big event, right?

• 20:39Speaker 04

  It is. I did the 50th anniversary and I think it was like 50,000 people.

• 20:43Dax Shepard?

  You just camp on people's yards and it's a big old party?

• 20:46Speaker 04

  I think the people from Iowa are some of the nicest people in the entire United States. They take you to their homes, they cook you meals and every small town and every church is putting out like a bake sale. It's really neat.

• 20:59Dax Shepard?

  You're like invigorating a dream. I think I want to put it on my list of things I want to do to do that bike ride. That sounds so fun.

• 21:06Speaker 04

  I would recommend it. I love it.

• 21:07Dax Shepard?

  I'm doing it after the great loop. Okay. Tell us about a time you quit.

• 21:11Speaker 04

  I am talking to you from Richmond, Virginia, but I grew up in Virginia Beach, Virginia. The summer of 1995, I had just graduated high school. My dad actually worked at the school in the business office in this lawn care company, cut the grass at the school grounds and he got me a job there. And I was like, oh, that'll be pretty good. They mostly did commercial lawn care. He got me a job and two of my friends.

• 21:34Dax Shepard?

  Were you riding a Dixie Chopper?

• 21:36Speaker 04

  That's the hope. I was like, we're going to be riding big riding mowers. The three of us are going to have a great time together and we'll spend all summer together just goofing off and it was not bad at all. You do not get to ride the Dixie mower if you are one of only three people that are there for the summer. Everybody else is there full time doing the work.

• 21:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 21:56Speaker 04

  What we expected and what actually happened was a pretty far cry from each other. So the three of us were split up immediately. So they had different crews. You got there at sunrise, loaded up the trucks. One of my friends only made it two days. He was on the residential side and he got fired for jumping on somebody's trampoline and then getting hurt falling off of it. My other friend was like, this is terrible. He made it like a month, then he quit. But I gutted it out all summer and I was exposed to some pretty cool stuff that I hadn't seen before. Like we one time went, cut a shopping center lawn and the guy just walked right into the grocery store and came out with steaks all down his pants that he had just stolen. He's like, I'm gonna sell these later. And then he opened up the water cooler and just threw them all in there. And we're like, all right, I guess we'll just store your bloody steaks

• 22:41Speaker 04

  in the water cooler.

• 22:42Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure.

• 22:43Speaker 04

  We just had to pile in the back of the truck. We went all over town all day long and it would rain. You just put a trash bag over you. I mean, it was not safe at all, but we pulled up next to a car that had a failed inspection sticker and he offered to sell them a counterfeit one. Oh my.

• 23:00Speaker 04

  I did not even know of like steak selling and sticker selling as well. I learned a lot about raunchy humor and drugs.

• 23:08Dax Shepard?

  This is a seminal experience for a young man. I went to work at a race shop at 15 and I was working with all like 38 year old dudes. Yeah. And the stuff I was hearing and the jokes they were making to me, I was like terrified half the time I was there.

• 23:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, a lot of masturbation jokes. Some of the people were really, really good, but the guys that ran it were just assholes. I mean, they just run you straight ragged. From the time you get up, it's sundown, you kind of come back and unload the truck and you never cut enough. They were like, hey, we need to cut more. You should be out there, go faster, stop taking so many breaks. I was gonna go to college and I had about a week up the summer and it was a Sunday and I met a bunch of friends on the beach and they had had a completely different summer experience than I had traveling. They're like, oh yeah, the next week we're just gonna hang out on the beach. This is what I should be doing tomorrow. I'm quitting. And so I took the zinc sunblock. I was like, I'm gonna quit in a blaze of glory too. So I wrote on my chest, mow this with a huge arrow to my cross.

• 24:05Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. Okay.

• 24:08Dax Shepard?

  Wow, you really caught up to them.

• 24:09Speaker 01

  You took on their personas.

• 24:12Speaker 04

  What I was thinking, like, the crew's gonna love this and all the foremen are gonna be like, oh, man. What was amazing is how well it worked. It was bone white on the mow this and then, you know, bright red everywhere else. And the arrow was huge. And so I worked all day. I was super excited about this. I am kind of a blabber. I normally will like spill it and I kept it all day. I'm like, wait until everybody gets a load of this. And so we get back and you have to gather around, talk about what you got done and then where you're going the next day and what he was on what crew. And I was, all right. So I ripped my shirt off. Nobody even like looked at me. And then finally someone looked over and I remember a guy like just smoking a cigarette, looked at me like, what in the world does this guy have?

• 24:53Speaker 04

  It was so embarrassing because I had to basically quit with my shirt off and be like, um, like today's my last day.

• 25:00Speaker 04

  The punchline was so lost and it was so sad. I was really expecting more of a blaze of glory and I got a whimper.

• 25:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. When you got to explain like, oh, did you see? So it's like mow this.

• 25:12Speaker 01

  Mow this because we mow lawns.

• 25:14Dax Shepard?

  And then the arrow though is because it's kind of a reference.

• 25:17Speaker 01

  Suck my dick, but it's also I'm quitting. And they're like, get out.

• 25:22Dax Shepard?

  No, you're fired.

• 25:23Speaker 01

  Actually, you're fired for that joke.

• 25:25Speaker 04

  Nobody even laughed.

• 25:28Speaker 04

  My expectations and reality were really, really far apart, but the mow this was on there for a while. Leaving for your first week of school with mow this, not realizing you had communal showers.

• 25:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh, well, it's great to have a job like that because then you go like, I really got to figure something out other than this. It's a great motivator.

• 25:44Speaker 04

  I had a lot of manual labor jobs growing up. I think it instills a good work ethic.

• 25:48Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:49Dax Shepard?

  Everything is just easier the rest of your life.

• 25:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, I appreciate the time.

• 25:53Speaker 01

  Thanks for chatting with us.

• 25:54Dax Shepard?

  It's great meeting you and you've really inspired me to do this Iowa trip.

• 25:58Speaker 04

  It was really, really hot. There was one tornado warning. But people just come out of their house and are like, you can come stay with us. As a stranger, I stayed in someone's basement after biking a hundred miles that day smelling horrible, but they gave me a clean shower and it was quite an experience to show how nice the people in Iowa are.

• 26:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Well, great meeting you, Jim. Thanks so much for telling us that story.

• 26:20Speaker 04

  Thank you, guys.

• 26:21Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care. Hello.

• 26:24Speaker 05

  Can you hear me okay?

• 26:25Dax Shepard?

  Beautifully. What fake name do you want?

• 26:27Speaker 05

  People have told me that I look like a Zoe, so I'll go with that.

• 26:30Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. I like that.

• 26:32Dax Shepard?

  I have a niece named Zoe. Do you remember the first Zoe? I do.

• 26:36Speaker 01

  Kravitz.

• 26:37Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 26:39Speaker 05

  I was gonna say Deschanel.

• 26:40Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that's a good one. I think the first one was Zoe Bowie. David Bowie's kid.

• 26:46Speaker 01

  First one ever.

• 26:47Dax Shepard?

  And wouldn't you leave it to David Bowie to come up with that?

• 26:49Speaker 01

  Zoe Bowie.

• 26:51Dax Shepard?

  Are you allowed to tell us where you're at?

• 26:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm actually in Ireland at the moment, but from the Pacific Northwest, so it's where the story takes place. It's the summer of 2018. I was seventeen at the time and I'm looking for a summer job. So I'm going to restaurants, shops, cafes, and I end up getting a job at this little cafe and it's owned by a couple who I'll call Linda and Derek. They're probably in their mid to late 50s and very well meaning, but definitely things could get a little awkward because they worked alongside us and the relationship would kind of get in the way sometimes, which was kind of awkward for a teenager and everyone who worked there were young girls. The town that this was in, a lot of eclectic people. We had a lot of interesting customers.

• 27:34Speaker 05

  I think a highlight is a man once brought a full-size dining room table into the store and then took a nap on it.

• 27:41Dax Shepard?

  Oh, and that was allowed?

• 27:42Speaker 05

  It was allowed. Like, what am I gonna do?

• 27:45Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 27:47Dax Shepard?

  That's a weird kink.

• 27:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:49Dax Shepard?

  Like, I love sleeping in public on a dining room table.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  This is really odd. Okay.

• 27:54Speaker 05

  After about a month of being there, I'm pretty happy because I'm realizing that I'm making probably six or seven dollars an hour in tips on top of my minimum wage pay. I'm like, this is way more money than I thought I was gonna be making here. But then suddenly that goes down to like one to two dollars an hour. I talked to my coworker. And they're like, yeah, we also noticed that suddenly we've lost all of our tip money, which didn't make sense because it was the height of summer, it was way busier than it had ever been. So we're like, you know what? Let's talk to Linda and Derek. We approached them one day. We're like, hey, like, we noticed some of our tip money is missing. We don't think anyone's stealing it, but just wanted to alert you to the situation.

• 28:31Dax Shepard?

  Were the tips gathered in like a tip jar on the counter or left on receipts?

• 28:36Speaker 05

  The cash tips, if people gave us change, we put them in a tip jar and then we'd empty that into like a big tip jar. And then if people tipped on card, we would immediately take that cash out of the cash register and put that also in the big tip jar. So we had basically this massive bin of coins and either two coworkers would roll those coins into like coin rolls or Linda would do it. And then what would happen was Linda would take those coins to the bank and she would bring us big bills. So we'd get like 50 or a hundred dollar bills. So all these tips are missing. Linda is immediately very emotional. She starts crying. She's like, I'm so sorry. I don't know what's happening, but really hysterical.

• 29:16Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 29:16Speaker 05

  Not the reaction I was expecting. And Derek is like, I'm going to get to the bottom of this. I'm going to check the security footage. Someone is stealing from the store. This is unacceptable. This was on a Friday. So it was my last shift of the week. I go home like, great, we're going to get to the bottom of this or get our tips back. I get a text from one of my coworkers the next day and she's like, Derek found the tips. They were in a chicken carcass.

• 29:41Speaker 01

  What?

• 29:42Dax Shepard?

  What a great left turn. They were in a chicken carcass.

• 29:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 29:48Dax Shepard?

  That's not good yummy stuffing, just to warn everyone.

• 29:51Speaker 05

  In no logical way could I make sense of why, how did they get there? I text her back. I make sure she's not joking. She's like, no, no, he's like, I found them in a chicken carcass. So. I'm like, I'm going down there. So I show up and Linda looks really scared to see me. She's like, kind of darting around. Derek and I go and sit outside and he's also being really evasive and he's commenting on like birds he's seeing and not there to have this conversation. I'm like, what happened with the tips? He's like, well, I really trust my employees. I didn't think any of you would steal them. So I wasn't even going to mess around with looking at the security cameras. I just went straight to the, I'm going to go through the dumpster and I'm going to find the tips.

• 30:31Speaker 01

  These guys are bad at lying.

• 30:33Speaker 05

  Really bad. And the dumpsters are like shared with other businesses. So I keep pressing him and he's like, Linda was making some chicken sandwiches.

• 30:43Dax Shepard?

  Oh my, this is like an episode of Parks and Rec or something.

• 30:46Speaker 01

  Or Orlando, really.

• 30:47Speaker 05

  So she's making chicken sandwiches and she accidentally puts the bills, these like a hundred dollar bills, which is probably over a thousand dollars.

• 30:55Dax Shepard?

  Oh my god.

• 30:55Speaker 05

  For all of the employees, accidentally puts them inside of the chicken.

• 31:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 31:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:01Dax Shepard?

  Who hasn't?

• 31:01Speaker 01

  Easy mistake.

• 31:02Speaker 05

  Puts that in the dumpster.

• 31:05Speaker 05

  But I, I'm like, no, no, no. I caught you and you're a lie.

• 31:08Dax Shepard?

  Good for you.

• 31:10Speaker 05

  I was really into Nancy Drew as a kid.

• 31:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, this is your moment.

• 31:13Speaker 01

  Not to get hung up on this, but they're making the chicken sandwiches from a real chicken? Like, it's that good?

• 31:19Dax Shepard?

  PNW, small artsy town.

• 31:23Speaker 05

  They had a farm.

• 31:24Speaker 01

  Dang.

• 31:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, some good food out there.

• 31:26Speaker 01

  That sounds yummy.

• 31:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. If you don't get a stray hundred dollar bill in your sandwich.

• 31:30Speaker 05

  Honestly, would appreciate that.

• 31:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it'd be worth it.

• 31:34Speaker 05

  It was getting weirder and weirder and I was like, no, Derek, I actually know that she made those earlier on in the week and the garbage is collected on a Friday morning.

• 31:43Speaker 01

  Wow, Nancy.

• 31:44Dax Shepard?

  Fucking Nancy Drew.

• 31:45Speaker 05

  There's no way the bills would have been in the dumpster. And also, how many garbage bags did you go through and why did you look inside of the chicken carcass? He can't explain it to me, so he just switches to, you know what this is about? You must be on your period.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 32:01Dax Shepard?

  Derek, Derek, Derek, Derek. This is not an acceptable tactic.

• 32:05Speaker 01

  My god.

• 32:07Dax Shepard?

  He's trying to period shame you.

• 32:08Speaker 01

  He's trying to gaslight you.

• 32:10Speaker 05

  And then he brings Linda into it and he's like, Linda, come on over here. You're going through menopause, right? And I think what's happened is your menopause and Zoe's period has synced up. And you're just really fueling each other's hormonal rage.

• 32:27Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 32:29Dax Shepard?

  Derek.

• 32:29Speaker 01

  This is disgusting.

• 32:40Dax Shepard?

  We get support from No Bull. The holidays can get hectic. You finally hit a post summer routine and suddenly you're on hosting duty every week.

• 32:50Speaker 01

  That's when you really need to ground yourself.

• 32:52Dax Shepard?

  Exactly. And that's why I keep my training routine through the holidays. It's the whole No Bull idea. There's a no bullshit training brand built around consistency, honesty, and just putting in the work. It's not about adding more pressure to an already packed schedule. It's about having the gear and the habits to move through the season your way. My personal favorite, all three of the shoes are fantastic. The Outwork, the Outwork Flex and the Drive Two. I like the Drive Two because it's a hybrid and I lift, of course, but I also like to do what's called box jumps.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 33:23Dax Shepard?

  Right? I do a lot of jumping onto a little platform and I want a little more flexibility and boy, do they deliver.

• 33:29Speaker 01

  And if you're a cardio person and you're running and you also need to be lifting.

• 33:34Dax Shepard?

  And the style is banging. I don't know what to say. Beautiful style, very breathable, very, very comfortable, lots of support. They were built for lifting.

• 33:41Speaker 01

  They also make a great holiday gift. You know, I love gifting, a purposeful one that actually supports someone's goals and routines. And it's not a gift that just ends up in the back of the closet.

• 33:51Dax Shepard?

  Stay stronger than the season. Head to nobullproject.com all holiday season to shop new deals every week. We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace and I've found that running is the best. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective. Running can be freeing and cathartic and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere. Whether that's in your office, living room, or even the attic.

• 34:35Dax Shepard?

  Plus, they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving. Let yourself run. Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com. We get support from NoBull. The holidays can get hectic. You finally hit a post summer routine and suddenly you're on hosting duty every week.

• 34:57Speaker 01

  That's when you really need to ground yourself.

• 34:59Dax Shepard?

  Exactly, and that's why I keep my training routine through the holidays. It's the whole NoBull idea. There's a no bullshit training brand built around consistency, honesty, and just putting in the work. It's not about adding more pressure to an already packed schedule. It's about having the gear and the habits to move through the season your way. My personal favorite, all three of the shoes are fantastic. The Outwork, the Outwork Flex, and the Drive 2. I like the Drive 2 because it's a hybrid. And I lift, of course, but I also like to do what's called box jumps. Right? I do a lot of jumping onto a little platform and I want a little more flexibility. And boy, do they deliver.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  And if you're a cardio person and you're running and you also need to be lifting.

• 35:41Dax Shepard?

  And the style is banging. I don't know what to say. Beautiful style, very breathable, very, very comfortable, lots of support. They were built for lifting.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  They also make a great holiday gift. You know, I love gifting, a purposeful one that actually supports someone's goals and routines. And it's not a gift that just ends up in the back of the closet.

• 35:58Dax Shepard?

  Stay stronger than the season. Head to nobullproject.com all holiday season to shop new deals every week.

• 36:14Speaker 05

  So this is not okay. If I was gonna get my money back, I'd move on. But I did not appreciate this. So I went home and I remember talking to my parents and they were like, be respectful, write a two week letter, give it to them on your next shift, and then find another job. So came in on Monday morning, gave Derek the letter. Linda's also there. She immediately starts crying.

• 36:36Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Linda.

• 36:38Speaker 01

  She is in menopause.

• 36:39Speaker 05

  She's going through something and Derek is very angry. He's yelling that I'm ungrateful for my job. It's just the hormones. You're never gonna find another job.

• 36:49Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God.

• 36:50Speaker 01

  What is wrong with these people? They're gonna poison the town like Ma Nod Sheila.

• 36:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, a couple of steps away.

• 36:57Speaker 05

  The way that he was yelling at me, I was a little scared. So I was like, you know what? I quit. I took off my apron. I walked out. I had another job two days later and they shut down.

• 37:06Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 37:06Dax Shepard?

  The health department finds a big wad of money in the chicken carcass. They're gonna be like, you guys can't.

• 37:10Speaker 01

  Well, which is obviously not what happened.

• 37:13Dax Shepard?

  Did you at least get that tip money that had been missing?

• 37:15Speaker 05

  No. He said that he would give it to us and maybe if I had stayed, I would have got it. And it was probably like a couple hundred bucks.

• 37:23Speaker 01

  Oh, fuck.

• 37:24Dax Shepard?

  I kinda think the guy that was sleeping on the table inside was Derek's brother.

• 37:29Speaker 01

  Or Derek.

• 37:30Dax Shepard?

  In disguise.

• 37:31Speaker 01

  In disguise. What was going on with them?

• 37:34Dax Shepard?

  You know, like you can be really mad at them as you have, you're entitled to be, but also some people's lives are so terrible. You're like, oh, they're already paying the price for this mania. There's like no way there's any joy happening when they get home from work. And he's dealing with Linda who stole all the tip money. Well, what's your take? I think she stole it because she's bawling the second she heard about it. I think she was trying to squirrel away some money to get away from Derek.

• 37:57Speaker 01

  Or Derek stole it and she felt so guilty and she knew he was taking the money and so she started crying.

• 38:02Dax Shepard?

  Could be. And he was gaslighting her saying, you stole it.

• 38:05Speaker 01

  They were in cahoots with the money. They're married.

• 38:08Dax Shepard?

  Unless she was trying to squirrel it away to make her escape.

• 38:11Speaker 01

  Well.

• 38:12Dax Shepard?

  Like Julia Roberts in that movie.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  Oh, Sleeping with the Enemy. Jess brings that up all the time.

• 38:16Dax Shepard?

  That's a good one.

• 38:17Speaker 05

  I definitely think she was the one who took it based on her reaction. Now I feel bad if she was trying to leave him.

• 38:22Speaker 01

  Okay, well.

• 38:24Dax Shepard?

  Forded her escape.

• 38:25Speaker 01

  We do not know the details of any of this.

• 38:28Dax Shepard?

  Maybe the shutdown was she finally got out of there. And then he's like, I'm not gonna run this thing by myself.

• 38:33Speaker 01

  Is like, they are not able to conduct a business.

• 38:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, or she made her a big escape. And she's got a new, healthy lover.

• 38:41Speaker 01

  You want that to be.

• 38:43Dax Shepard?

  That's best.

• 38:43Speaker 01

  So we'll say that.

• 38:45Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy. Do you go back to the town? Have you ever bumped into them?

• 38:49Speaker 05

  My dad still lives there, so I am always a little on edge because everyone knows everyone when I go back for Christmas, but never seen them.

• 38:57Dax Shepard?

  Oh, well, Zoe, that was really bizarre in a great way.

• 39:02Speaker 05

  I was nervous. I was like, I don't know if I have a story good enough. And I saw this prompt, like, okay, this might be my chance.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  Chicken carcass. That'll get you there.

• 39:09Dax Shepard?

  That'll get you here, for sure. Well, it's lovely meeting you, Zoe.

• 39:13Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 39:14Dax Shepard?

  Have fun in Ireland. Are you drinking Guinness and Beamish and all the fun beers?

• 39:18Speaker 05

  I am. I also discovered a baby Guinness, which is like Kahlua and something else. And it's so cute. It literally is in a shot glass.

• 39:26Speaker 01

  Oh, cute.

• 39:29Dax Shepard?

  Well, you know, Guinness in either Baileys or Kahlua and a little Jameson is called an Irish Car Bomb. And those are fucking outrageous. They taste like a milkshake.

• 39:38Speaker 01

  Give that a try.

• 39:39Dax Shepard?

  Give that a couple of bangs. All right. Wonderful meeting you. Have fun.

• 39:43Speaker 05

  You too. Thanks. Bye.

• 39:46Speaker 01

  Weird.

• 39:47Dax Shepard?

  What happened?

• 39:48Speaker 01

  I just got a text from Zoe.

• 39:51Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my goodness, which Zoe?

• 39:53Speaker 01

  A friend of mine named Zoe who I haven't spoken to since September 4th, 2023.

• 39:59Dax Shepard?

  Oh, something's collapsing.

• 40:02Speaker 01

  I know.

• 40:03Dax Shepard?

  There's a glitch. Oh, wonderful. We have a visitor.

• 40:08Speaker 05

  Oh, my gosh, it's a little big.

• 40:10Speaker 06

  This is Huxley. He's almost six weeks.

• 40:13Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Huxley looks perfect. I want to hold Huxley.

• 40:17Speaker 01

  Huxley.

• 40:19Dax Shepard?

  Look, he's just staring up at his mom. He knows that she's got all the things he needs.

• 40:24Speaker 06

  All right, do you want to go with daddy while I talk?

• 40:26Dax Shepard?

  Or take a nap? Oh, he's got a little turtle jammies.

• 40:30Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 40:31Dax Shepard?

  He's in the bag of potato phase.

• 40:33Speaker 01

  He's so cute.

• 40:34Dax Shepard?

  Look like a little sack of potatoes when he moved around.

• 40:37Speaker 06

  Rock on.

• 40:39Speaker 06

  I'm gonna use my middle name for legal reasons, just in case. It's Roxanne.

• 40:44Dax Shepard?

  Roxanne, you've got a Roxanne vibe.

• 40:47Speaker 01

  That's a great name.

• 40:48Speaker 06

  Thanks. I like it too.

• 40:49Dax Shepard?

  Are you allowed to tell us where you're at in the country or would that be too incriminating?

• 40:52Speaker 06

  I'm in Hummels Town, Pennsylvania, which is right in between Harrisburg and Hershey. So in between the capital and Chocolate Town.

• 40:59Dax Shepard?

  I went to Hershey as a kid. Very fun. Have you been there, Monica?

• 41:03Speaker 01

  No, I wanted to go.

• 41:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, all over the town, the little street lamps are Hershey kisses. Did I make this up? I feel like I took a boat ride on chocolate and there was chocolate rollers that you could see.

• 41:14Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's chocolate world.

• 41:15Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 41:17Speaker 06

  That is a free ride that you can do in addition to Hershey Park.

• 41:21Dax Shepard?

  We might have just done the free ride.

• 41:23Speaker 01

  You got to go there. You're always acting like you didn't get to do stuff and you went to Hershey world.

• 41:29Dax Shepard?

  Hershey, Pennsylvania, you gotta go.

• 41:32Speaker 06

  That was another job I had that I have a different quit story, but not this one.

• 41:36Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you worked at Hershey?

• 41:37Speaker 06

  Worked at Hershey Park in games.

• 41:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, really? Where people would throw the balls?

• 41:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 41:42Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. Were you a teen? That'd be fun to meet boys.

• 41:45Speaker 06

  Yeah, I was a teen. I was dating a boy there who I was also dating for this other story.

• 41:50Speaker 01

  Oh, great.

• 41:52Speaker 06

  Yes. He sucks. It was a weird engaged at sixteen situation.

• 41:57Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 41:58Speaker 06

  Luckily, that didn't go through.

• 41:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, thank goodness.

• 42:01Speaker 01

  I like to hear that.

• 42:01Speaker 06

  The story that I have takes place at Kmart.

• 42:05Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 42:05Dax Shepard?

  You're hitting all my erogenous zones right now. Kmart, Hershey, yes, blue light special.

• 42:12Speaker 06

  This was two thousand two, two thousand three. I was sixteen ish. And to preface, I do not condone my actions of this story or my behavior at all. Undiagnosed ADHD, heavily angsty teen, anything's possible. I hated this job. I applied at Kmart to be a cash register lady. I wanted to be that since I was a small child.

• 42:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I can relate.

• 42:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's the best. The buttons, I mean, a sensory dream. So they put me on stock, straightening the shelves. It was mind numbing and I hated it. So I was always trying to like call off and a normal person would just find a different job. But I had to come up with a grand scheme to get out of this job. So one day I arrived for my four hour shift. And I noticed there was a ladder in the aisle, like one of those step ladders, like staircase. So I devised a plan to fall off the ladder.

• 43:10Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 43:10Speaker 06

  And in my teenage brain, I was gonna then sue Kmart.

• 43:13Speaker 01

  Oh, my god, you had big dreams.

• 43:16Speaker 06

  And then also sue to never have to work again.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  Oh, my.

• 43:20Dax Shepard?

  Right, you're gonna retire at sixteen, basically, yeah.

• 43:23Speaker 06

  Correct. Yeah, it was so awful working at Kmart.

• 43:29Speaker 06

  So I'm like devising this plan all day, straightening my shelves, I'm walking over, I'm like, how am I gonna do it? So finally, I decide to do a test run and I look around, I don't see anybody nearby. So I walk to the top of the ladder and I'm just trying to figure out how I'm gonna fake fall, I've never done that before. So I kinda kick my leg out in front of me and I go down and I start falling and I fall on the floor. In my head, I'm like, okay, this went pretty well. But then all of a sudden, I hear this woman and she's like, I saw the whole thing. Don't move, I'm a nurse.

• 44:06Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 44:07Speaker 06

  So she's like, I'm gonna stay with you, don't move your neck. I'm like, I think I'm fine, I can probably just stand up. She's like, no, no. So she gets the manager and then they call nine one one.

• 44:18Speaker 01

  Oh. Oh, my god.

• 44:22Speaker 06

  At this point, I'm just like, I'm gonna go to jail. They have to tell my parents because I'm a minor, so my parents are involved. They bring out the stretcher, they put me in the neck brace. So now at this point, I have to play along. So I'm like, oh, you know, my neck. So they get me to the ambulance, they take me to the hospital, which is nearby.

• 44:44Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my god, how embarrassing.

• 44:45Speaker 06

  They check me out, they didn't admit me, obviously, because I had no injuries.

• 44:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, you're just fine.

• 44:51Speaker 06

  Sure. So they check me out, send me home, and I don't know, I was asking my mom earlier if they went through their insurance or if it ended up being a worker's comp claim. She said she thinks it ended up being a worker's comp claim, but anyway, I promptly quit.

• 45:06Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 45:06Speaker 01

  Well, you were too hurt.

• 45:08Dax Shepard?

  Every time you walk by that aisle, you probably shuddered.

• 45:10Speaker 06

  I know, the health and beauty aisle, ugh.

• 45:14Speaker 01

  So they never found out?

• 45:16Dax Shepard?

  Would you get out of it?

• 45:17Speaker 06

  I got the rest of the day off.

• 45:18Speaker 01

  But were they worried about getting sued?

• 45:20Speaker 06

  They didn't really say anything and I did not. Go through with that part of my plan.

• 45:25Speaker 01

  Sure, sure. I'm glad to hear that.

• 45:27Speaker 06

  They didn't mention it. We just parted ways and everybody was like, you're good. You're not injured, so we're good and you're not going to work here, so that's fine. I would imagine it covered the ambulance ride.

• 45:37Dax Shepard?

  Ah, yeah, those are pricey.

• 45:38Speaker 01

  That is hilarious.

• 45:39Dax Shepard?

  I love that you threw yourself down one of the, I mean, what a preposterous plan.

• 45:44Speaker 06

  Yeah. Now being medicated for ADHD and understanding that brain, it makes a lot more sense. It explains a lot with my work history. Now I have my own place, so that works well for me to do my own thing.

• 45:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 45:58Speaker 06

  I was the inattentive type, so I could skip class to watch ER and lay on the couch all day. Got to finish this episode.

• 46:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:06Speaker 06

  I moved to Florida after high school randomly one night. I just drove down with a pizza. You know, lived there for a few months.

• 46:14Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 46:15Speaker 06

  And then came back. Very impulsive.

• 46:17Speaker 01

  Did it hurt?

• 46:18Speaker 06

  I don't think it hurt. If anything, I might have bruised up my thigh. That was my plan to tell them that I was hurt and that I needed to go home. Once I brought myself down from the suing, I was just going to try to get the rest of the day off.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  Oh, those nurses, they're so sweet. They're just so on top of it.

• 46:36Dax Shepard?

  You gotta make sure you don't have a spinal injury.

• 46:38Speaker 06

  She was so kind and I was such a dick.

• 46:42Dax Shepard?

  That's okay. She went home, she felt good. She told her husband, this poor young teen.

• 46:46Speaker 01

  Broke her neck at Kmart today.

• 46:48Dax Shepard?

  They should not have them up on those ladders. That should be something for adults.

• 46:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe that was the hill that she chose. Now she's an advocate.

• 46:55Dax Shepard?

  Well, Roxanne, delightful meeting you and your little baby.

• 46:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:00Speaker 06

  Thank you so much for the podcast. I'm also in recovery. I'm eight years sober.

• 47:04Dax Shepard?

  That's so funny. When you said you moved to Florida, I was like, do we have any addiction? I'm smelling some addiction, but that's great. I didn't ask you, but I felt like I saw you at sea.

• 47:14Speaker 06

  Yes, for sure.

• 47:15Speaker 01

  Congrats on eight years.

• 47:17Dax Shepard?

  Congrats, yeah.

• 47:19Speaker 06

  Congrats to you too.

• 47:20Dax Shepard?

  Thank you.

• 47:21Speaker 06

  I love everything that you guys do.

• 47:22Dax Shepard?

  I'm not ready to diagnose myself with ADHD, but I do wonder, I certainly enjoyed cocaine more than everyone else.

• 47:28Speaker 06

  I never tried it because I knew I would love it and I was terrified I would die.

• 47:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that was probably a good choice for you.

• 47:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, true.

• 47:36Dax Shepard?

  Well, congrats. That's great news. And now you got a little baby, so all the promises are coming true.

• 47:41Speaker 06

  Yes, I have a seven-year-old daughter and then Huxley.

• 47:44Speaker 01

  Oh, I love it.

• 47:45Dax Shepard?

  All right, well, wonderful meeting you.

• 47:47Speaker 06

  Yes, wonderful meeting you. Thank you so much.

• 47:50Dax Shepard?

  All right, take care.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  Well, that was sweet.

• 47:54Dax Shepard?

  I wanted to hold that little baby.

• 47:55Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 47:56Dax Shepard?

  The way she passed him on, his shape was a ball. If you lift an adult up, they straighten out.

• 48:01Speaker 01

  They roly-poly.

• 48:02Dax Shepard?

  Yes, he stayed snuggled.

• 48:04Speaker 01

  Alison Roman just had a baby.

• 48:06Dax Shepard?

  She did?

• 48:07Speaker 01

  Yes, and she sent me a picture and he's so cute.

• 48:10Dax Shepard?

  I hope she doesn't cook them.

• 48:15Speaker 01

  Doesn't accidentally cook them.

• 48:17Dax Shepard?

  She gets going, she'll just throw anything in her recipe.

• 48:19Speaker 01

  I kinda understand what you mean because they're so tasty.

• 48:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, they do look delicious.

• 48:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:23Dax Shepard?

  All right.

• 48:24Speaker 01

  All right, love you.

• 48:24Dax Shepard?

  Love you.

• 48:27Speaker 07

  Do you wanna sing a tune or something? We have a theme song.

• 48:30Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of our jerry's, we'll get some suggestions. On the fly a rhyme dish, on the fly a rhyme dish, enjoy.