Pod Insights Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Armchair Anonymous: Holiday Nightmare III About this episode Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a nightmare holiday experience.
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Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Dax Shepard? Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Shepard and I'm George by George Roggebage.
0:05 Speaker 01 It's me.
0:06 Dax Shepard? Um, today we have.
0:09 Speaker 01 Holiday Nightmare Part Three.
0:12 Dax Shepard? Oh, ho, ho, ho.
0:15 Speaker 01 Oh.
0:15 Dax Shepard? See how I did both?
0:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, that was cool. Good match.
0:18 Dax Shepard? Um, you guys, happy holidays.
0:21 Speaker 01 Happy holidays. They're, they're upon us and they're so fun.
0:24 Dax Shepard? Happy holidays.
0:25 Speaker 01 Actually, this is the last, this is our last episode of the year, our last new episode of the year, so we hope you enjoy it and you get in the spirit. What a year.
0:35 Dax Shepard? Year seven. Year seven, you're supposed to get itchy, but we didn't.
0:39 Speaker 01 I just itched.
0:39 Dax Shepard? Oh, then it worked.
0:43 Dax Shepard? You're not supposed to get Brad Pitt year seven. You're supposed to get itchy and bored.
0:47 Speaker 01 Oh, the seven year scratch.
0:48 Dax Shepard? The seven year itch.
0:49 Speaker 01 The seven year itch.
0:51 Dax Shepard? Scratchy, scratchy. Uh, please enjoy Holiday Nightmares Part Three. We get support from Quince.
0:58 Speaker 01 I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.
1:07 Dax Shepard? I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up and everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.
1:29 Speaker 01 $60. $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories, they skip the middlemen, and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.
1:47 Dax Shepard? The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time and he looks iconic.
1:56 Speaker 01 It's a uniform. And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully designed furniture. You can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home, too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.
2:16 Dax Shepard? Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. We get support from AG1. Fall is that time when your body and mind are getting ready for the winter. You're settling in, bracing for the cold. Your body's already running a deficit from the shorter days and broken sleep patterns. You don't want a nutrient deficit stacked on top of that, too.
2:52 Speaker 01 That's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time. It's giving your body what it needs so the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start. One scoop, cold water every morning before anything else.
3:04 Dax Shepard? AG1 Next Gen has 75 plus ingredients, vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics, superfoods, backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials. Key nutrient levels improved with three months of consistent use.
3:19 Speaker 01 That's the part people miss. It's not a one day fix. It's what happens when you stay consistent.
3:23 Dax Shepard? It's an easy, everyday thing. I've added it to my morning routine and I'm going to tell you, I actually love the taste of it. It's like Pavlovian. I drink it and I know, I'm going to get that little vitamin buzz.
3:33 Speaker 01 Well, that's also the thing. When you do it first thing in the morning, you already feel kind of self-esteem because you're like, I already did something good for myself.
3:40 Dax Shepard? Yes. Go to drinkag1.com/dax and for a limited time, get a free immunity bundle, including a bottle of omega three fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D3K2 with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/dax. And after checkout, be sure to let them know that Armchair Expert sent you.
4:24 Speaker 01 Hi.
4:25 Speaker 02 Hi, guys.
4:27 Dax Shepard? Can you hear us?
4:28 Speaker 02 Yes, I can. Can you hear me?
4:30 Dax Shepard? Absolutely.
4:31 Speaker 01 Your hair looks so pretty.
4:33 Dax Shepard? It feels like your hair is very on brand for someone named Bella.
4:36 Speaker 02 That's really kind. Thank you. I had to blow it out for today. I went off my routine, but I was like, today's a big day.
4:42 Dax Shepard? What's your normal routine? Do we put it in braids the night before and hope for curls in the morn?
4:48 Speaker 02 So my hair is naturally super curly, so I usually blow it out on Saturdays and then wash one time a week.
4:55 Speaker 01 Same.
4:55 Dax Shepard? So Bella, what's wrong with all of us? Because my children have pin straight hair and they braid it every night when it's wet. So they'll have curls in the morning and everyone with curls is trying to straighten their hair. What is wrong with us?
5:06 Speaker 01 I know.
5:06 Speaker 02 The grass is always greener.
5:08 Dax Shepard? It's always greener.
5:10 Speaker 01 I've learned over time, I just air dry and I just go.
5:14 Dax Shepard? And you want your hair, right?
5:15 Speaker 01 I'm happy with my hair. One of the only things I got. You gotta embrace what you got.
5:20 Dax Shepard? Hold on, I bet we could make a list right now. Bella, let's make a list.
5:27 Dax Shepard? Where are you?
5:28 Speaker 02 So I am in New York City, but I'm originally from Texas. So that is where my story takes place.
5:36 Dax Shepard? Where in Texas?
5:36 Speaker 02 It's a suburb outside of Dallas called Plano.
5:40 Speaker 01 Oh, Plano.
5:40 Dax Shepard? Oh, I know Plano, yeah. I went to either a Total Wine or a Sprouts on Erin and I's bus tour in Plano.
5:48 Speaker 02 Love Sprouts. It's so fun.
5:50 Speaker 01 My mom loves Sprouts.
5:53 Dax Shepard? Okay, so tell us what year and we're in Plano, Texas for this story?
5:57 Speaker 02 Yes. This was about 12 years ago. I had to consult my mom for some details, but basically my family is big on holidays. My mom loves to host. She is a great host and she is one of seven kids. So each of her siblings married, they have kids, and then some of those kids have kids. So it's just a full, full house.
6:22 Dax Shepard? It was an explosion. And can we do some stereotypes now? I would like to play in stereotypes for one second. I think when people have a stereotype about Texas, I think what they're really thinking about is Dallas. And I think there is a fun stereotype about Dallas.
6:36 Speaker 02 The higher the hair, the closer to God.
6:38 Dax Shepard? That vibe and a great host, like this all feels very in keeping.
6:42 Speaker 02 My sister and I are both quite tall and my mom, without a doubt, says to everyone, we grow them big in Texas. Like, there's just all the stereotypes.
6:53 Dax Shepard? American by birth, Texan by the grace of God.
6:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, so they're super proud Texans, which is fun to have them visit me in New York City. But they love it. It was Christmas Day afternoon. We've all finished eating. The guys are all watching football. My cousins and I are upstairs playing rock band.
7:13 Dax Shepard? How old are you 13 years ago?
7:15 Speaker 02 I would have been 16, probably too old for rock band at that point. No, rock band's so fun. We hear this loud bang on the front door and immediately following the bang comes the stray dog that runs right into our house. My family, we are not ones to remain calm. We are alarmists and overreact.
7:37 Dax Shepard? Okay, great.
7:38 Speaker 02 Immediately, my mom is panicked. We have several elderly people and my three uncles decide they're gonna handle it.
7:46 Dax Shepard? Sure, that's their duty. They got the whole day off to watch football. They got to be lazy, but now there's somebody he's protecting, so you're finally up.
7:53 Speaker 02 Is it Christmas football?
7:54 Dax Shepard? The Lions play every year on Christmas.
7:57 Speaker 02 Somehow, there's always a game on, on holidays. So my uncles are trying to corral this dog out and they finally get it to the front porch. And I guess the rationale is that they're nervous about the dog not leaving the property while people are trying to get to their car. I honestly can't explain why this next part happened, but Uncle Bob decides that he is going to pepper spray above the dog.
8:22 Dax Shepard? Above it.
8:23 Speaker 02 Above, alright. Do mainly pepper spray.
8:25 Dax Shepard? And Uncle Bob has pepper spray at Christmas.
8:28 Speaker 02 Somehow, yes. We're all very protected. You know, it's Texas. We're all a little on guard. He is gonna pepper spray above the dog. It'll smell it and run away. Oh.
8:38 Dax Shepard? This is an insane plan, as if he's tried this before.
8:41 Speaker 02 And I wish somebody had insulted him. I wish he had thought it through a little bit more, but he sprays the pepper spray. And immediately it blows right back into his face.
8:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:51 Speaker 02 He's on our front porch. He runs inside, leaving the door wide open. He's screaming, "My eyes, my eyes." My mom is at the sink washing dishes. He pushes her out of the way, starts rinsing out his eyes while immediately all of the pepper spray blew back into our house. So now everyone can feel it. It is burning your eyes. It's burning your throat. One of our great ideas is like go upstairs and open up all the windows while that created some sort of suction effect. And got it everywhere. So we are shuffling people out to the backyard.
9:29 Dax Shepard? Hold on, this is the stupidest event to have happened on Christmas. There's pepper spray in the house now?
9:34 Speaker 02 We are all out in the backyard. Parents can't find their toddlers. Grandparents are coughing and wheezing and then some of my cousins were pregnant. They're throwing up.
9:43 Speaker 01 Oh, God.
9:45 Speaker 02 And the dog is inside happy, peacefully running around still.
9:50 Speaker 01 Impervious to the pepper spray.
9:52 Speaker 02 He's completely fine, didn't feel a thing, loving it. And so it was just a Christmas to remember. And eventually when everyone calmed down, they lured the dog out with some food to get to a shelter. It was fine, but in the meantime, we're like, that was a fun time to be pepper sprayed by Uncle Bob at Christmas.
10:13 Dax Shepard? Uncle Bob must have really unloaded. Like he, what he's promised was a little gentle spray above the head, but he must have got trigger happy with it.
10:21 Speaker 02 It lasted for several days too.
10:23 Speaker 01 No.
10:23 Speaker 02 So we could not get the smell out.
10:26 Dax Shepard? Where is Uncle Bob in the birth order? Is he the oldest?
10:29 Speaker 02 He's actually my mom's oldest sister's husband.
10:32 Dax Shepard? Oh shit. So he's not even by blood. So the rest of the dudes are like, oh fuck. Why'd she marry Bob? We've been saying this since they met.
10:43 Speaker 01 I mean, he thought he was taking control.
10:46 Dax Shepard? He's trying to help. This family's gonna be so grateful I joined it. Once I deal with this dog situation.
10:51 Speaker 01 They're always thinking I'm silly.
10:53 Dax Shepard? Also the notion that we need to get it out of the yard now. And then what? Get it out of the neighborhood? Where does it stop? Get it out of the house and shut the door. Maybe throw the deadbolt, go back to the game, have a couple of lone stars and call it a Christmas.
11:05 Speaker 01 Because eventually that dog's gonna leave.
11:07 Dax Shepard? Yeah, he's gonna go to someone else's house and try to get some of that holiday ham.
11:10 Speaker 02 Yeah. There were a lot of different options. Pepper spray should not have been on the roster.
11:16 Dax Shepard? Your tradition is, I'm gonna ask everyone here, ours was always, Christmas Eve is when you'd get together with your family. And then like Christmas Day was just for your immediate family.
11:25 Speaker 01 Oh, interesting.
11:25 Dax Shepard? You did Christmas Day, Mom would host?
11:27 Speaker 02 We did my dad's family on Christmas Eve.
11:31 Dax Shepard? Okay.
11:32 Speaker 02 And then my mom's family on Christmas Day. But I also have a couple sets of stepparents. So I've got lots of Christmas.
11:38 Speaker 01 Oh, fun. That's fun. You get to run around.
11:41 Dax Shepard? Hence the movie Four Christmases.
11:43 Speaker 01 Yes.
11:44 Dax Shepard? Easter egg.
11:44 Speaker 01 Easter egg. Although by this, it will be out.
11:47 Dax Shepard? Okay, uh, spoiled egg.
11:50 Speaker 01 Cracked egg.
11:51 Dax Shepard? Rotten egg. Bella, your family sounds fun. I kinda wanna attend.
11:56 Speaker 02 You would fit right in, both of you guys. They would be obsessed.
12:01 Dax Shepard? Well, Bella, delightful meeting you.
12:03 Speaker 02 Thank you guys so much for having me. My roommate is right by me. Can she say hi?
12:07 Dax Shepard? Of course, absolutely. She's lurking behind you like a killer.
12:12 Speaker 03 Hi.
12:13 Dax Shepard? Hi.
12:15 Speaker 03 It's so nice to meet you guys.
12:16 Dax Shepard? And what is your name?
12:17 Speaker 03 My name is Emma.
12:18 Dax Shepard? Emma. We have an Emma in New York.
12:21 Speaker 01 That's right.
12:22 Dax Shepard? And did y'all meet in Texas or in New York?
12:24 Speaker 03 We actually met studying abroad together.
12:26 Speaker 01 Where were you studying?
12:27 Speaker 02 We were in Italy, so we were both teaching English over there. And then we were both teachers and now we both work in finance.
12:33 Speaker 01 Look at you.
12:35 Speaker 02 I know, just attached to the head.
12:38 Dax Shepard? You're so lucky.
12:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, how fun. I'm so jealous.
12:41 Dax Shepard? I'm jealous too. And it makes me mad. Erin never had any of the same career aspirations as me. Like, if I could've done all that stuff with Erin.
12:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, but now you're doing Ted Seeger's with Erin.
12:50 Dax Shepard? Now we're retired together.
12:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:51 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
12:54 Dax Shepard? All right, well, lovely meeting you gals.
12:55 Speaker 02 Thank you guys so much. Have a good rest of your day.
12:59 Dax Shepard? Okay, take care. Doing these episodes makes me very excited for the holidays.
13:05 Speaker 01 Me too.
13:06 Dax Shepard? What happens at the Padman's on Christmas?
13:09 Speaker 01 Christmas Day?
13:10 Dax Shepard? Eve and Day.
13:11 Speaker 01 We don't have Eve traditions.
13:13 Dax Shepard? Lame.
13:14 Speaker 01 Okay, but we're Indian. So the fact that we even do Christmas at all is a big deal.
13:18 Dax Shepard? Yeah, that's true.
13:19 Speaker 01 They've, they've gone out of their way, you know?
13:20 Dax Shepard? And if they come to love it, love it. Well, your mother grew up with it, probably.
13:24 Speaker 01 Well, I don't know when they started, but I think they half did it. But then when...
13:28 Dax Shepard? When you arrived, of course, they had to go full bore. But did it infect him? And it can't be a hard holiday to start loving.
13:34 Speaker 01 No, no, I think my mom likes it. I like it the most.
13:38 Dax Shepard? And the whole family, more than Neil?
13:40 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:40 Dax Shepard? What's wrong with Neil?
13:41 Speaker 01 Actually, we had this conversation. No, but he was saying last year, the year before, he was like,
13:48 Speaker 01 I just like, don't like Christmas as much as I used to. He was like sad by.
13:53 Dax Shepard? That's because he's not a little boy anymore.
13:54 Speaker 01 I know, and I think he was sad about that.
13:56 Dax Shepard? Once he has kids. It'll get back. Well, how's he feel about Halloween? He must hate Halloween because there's like, there's really nothing in it for adults. Yeah.
14:04 Speaker 01 Halloween is actually great for adults because you go to parties and you like.
14:07 Dax Shepard? Everyone dresses sexy and gets drunk and drinks stuff. Hello, what fake name would you like?
14:13 Speaker 04 Whatever you feel so inclined.
14:15 Dax Shepard? Sasha.
14:16 Speaker 04 Wow. Okay, great. Is this real?
14:18 Speaker 01 No, you're dreaming.
14:19 Dax Shepard? It is not. Someone's gonna shake you awake and they're gonna go, Sasha, you've peed your pants.
14:24 Speaker 04 That feels a lot more likely and realistic than this happening.
14:28 Speaker 01 If you wake up and you've peed your pants, you might have had a seizure. So I would go to the doctor. This is a cautionary tale, okay? Go to the doctor and have it checked out.
14:36 Dax Shepard? Go to the doctor. Even go, maybe go before.
14:39 Speaker 01 Go before you pee.
14:40 Speaker 04 Should I go right now?
14:41 Dax Shepard? Yeah, my friend Monica is pretty concerned I have epilepsy. Based on the fact that I thought that this conversation we had might be a dream.
14:48 Speaker 01 That's right.
14:48 Dax Shepard? Where are you?
14:49 Speaker 04 I knew you were gonna ask that question. And so to answer it, I wore this for Monica. I don't know if she can see, but I just wanted to say, go Vols. And I've been dying to say that.
14:59 Dax Shepard? What are the Vols?
15:00 Speaker 01 Tennessee.
15:01 Speaker 04 So Dax, I am also deeply spiritually offended every time you say Roll Tide.
15:06 Dax Shepard? Oh, you are?
15:07 Speaker 01 Thank you, at least. Okay, we can agree on that.
15:09 Dax Shepard? Well, let's all agree that I'm making very few friends. Because that's only like, I don't know what percentage of all colleges that exists. So I'm like alienating everyone. But the reason I think no one should be offended is I didn't even go there and I actually don't care if they win or lose.
15:21 Speaker 01 That's why we're offended.
15:22 Speaker 04 We care so much.
15:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's like you don't even know and you're just throwing out these horrible, horrible remarks.
15:29 Dax Shepard? Okay.
15:41 Dax Shepard? This episode is supported by Helix.
15:45 Speaker 01 Dax, is there anything better than crawling into a perfect bed on a cold fall night? Candlelit, hoodie on, maybe even some rain outside. The dream.
15:55 Dax Shepard? That's the dream. You just described one of my ideal fall nights.
16:00 Speaker 01 I know. And thanks to Helix, my bed actually lives up to the vibe. All I had to do was take the Helix Sleep Quiz and within two minutes, they matched me to a mattress built for exactly how I sleep. I have a midnight mattress. It also has cooling technology, which I really-
16:16 Dax Shepard? Increasingly so.
16:17 Speaker 01 I need it. I have to have it. And I heard that you're supposed to sleep at a cold temp for optimal sleep. It's very, very helpful.
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16:47 Speaker 01 And it's not just us saying it. Helix has been named the most awarded mattress brand by Forbes, Wired, and more. You gotta try it for yourself.
16:54 Dax Shepard? Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. Helixsleep.com/armchair. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace, and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing. And Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skill set, a body of work, and it's been private. It's been yours, but at some point you're ready to put it out there.
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17:46 Dax Shepard? Scheduling, analytics, everything you need to go from I've been working on this to here it is, come find me. All in one place, no code, no stitching together a bunch of different tools. So if you've been sitting on something and waiting for the right moment, this might be it. Head to squarespace.com slash DAX for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. We get support from our sponsor Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Glee Ron. Foundo is a once daily prescription GLP one medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and
18:28 Dax Shepard? increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.
18:38 Speaker 05 Foundo should not be used with other GLP one receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it, or if you or someone in your family had majorary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type two. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes. If you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be or taking birth control pills, and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or self only luria may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems. Once daily Foundo is available by
19:19 Speaker 05 prescription only in 0.8 milligram, 2.5 milligram, 5.5 milligram, 9 milligram, 14.5 milligram, and 17.2 milligram tablets. Learn more at foundo.lilly.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.
19:35 Dax Shepard? We get support from Instagram teen accounts. So we talk a lot on this show about how the world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?
19:52 Speaker 01 Which is a fair question.
19:53 Dax Shepard? Yeah, so Instagram has got something called teen account. And they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them. And time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10:00 PM to 7:00 AM.
20:19 Speaker 01 Sleep mode is genius.
20:20 Dax Shepard? Right? And here's the thing, for anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age appropriate experiences for teens.
20:36 Speaker 01 I am really glad Instagram's helping to give parents peace of mind with teen accounts.
20:40 Dax Shepard? Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.
20:56 Speaker 04 The overtime, did you watch, is a few weeks ago?
20:58 Speaker 01 I didn't watch, but I did hear.
21:00 Speaker 04 It was insane.
21:01 Dax Shepard? Who won? Who won?
21:02 Speaker 04 Georgia in overtime.
21:03 Speaker 01 And it was like barely.
21:05 Dax Shepard? The Vols, University of Tennessee?
21:07 Speaker 01 Yes.
21:07 Dax Shepard? Okay, I watched a couple of games. I guess I didn't realize they were the Vols, but now that I'm a Nashville native, I did watch a couple. Because that's the state motto.
21:16 Speaker 01 That's right.
21:16 Dax Shepard? The Volunteer State.
21:17 Speaker 04 Second to that, my last sort of regional reference was, I was just listening earlier this week, and I could not believe I heard you say that Dollywood is your new favorite theme park.
21:28 Dax Shepard? Absolutely. Have you been?
21:30 Speaker 04 A thousand and 68 million times.
21:32 Dax Shepard? What could possibly be your issue with Dollywood?
21:34 Speaker 04 I mean, banjos, southern tourists that are upset, I just, I don't.
21:41 Dax Shepard? You don't like the vibe?
21:42 Speaker 04 No.
21:43 Dax Shepard? Let me ask you this, do you like the Smoky Mountains? Do you think they're pretty?
21:46 Speaker 04 I do think they're pretty.
21:47 Dax Shepard? The food's the best food I've ever had in an amusement park.
21:50 Speaker 01 In an amusement park, so you know it is.
21:52 Dax Shepard? An amusement park.
21:53 Speaker 01 Yeah. Were you just upset that he was so quick to give up on his lifelong?
21:58 Speaker 04 Yes.
21:59 Dax Shepard? This comes up a lot. I will not prioritize loyalty over the truth.
22:03 Speaker 04 I'm loyal to a fault.
22:04 Dax Shepard? Even at the expense of the truth?
22:06 Speaker 01 You are that for some things, like if your kids are doing something. If they're gonna kill someone, you're loyal to them.
22:12 Dax Shepard? My kids, yeah.
22:13 Speaker 01 And that you should treat amusement parks the same.
22:16 Dax Shepard? I should treat amusement parks.
22:17 Speaker 01 With the same respect.
22:18 Dax Shepard? Okay, I'll have to think on that one.
22:20 Speaker 01 Okay.
22:21 Dax Shepard? But anyways, bottomless pot roast and bottomless fried chicken. That's actually delicious fried chicken.
22:28 Speaker 04 What about the cinnamon bread? That's the Dollywood claim to fame. Have you had it? Or you're gluten?
22:32 Dax Shepard? I can't fuck with it, right? I didn't even have that and I still loved it. But here's my question to you. It was like, if you don't hate the Smoky Mountains and you don't hate beautiful wooden roller coasters that are world-class and some of the biggest on the planet. You know.
22:42 Speaker 01 What's your favorite amusement park?
22:43 Dax Shepard? Yeah, how about that? Let's start there.
22:45 Speaker 01 Six Flags over Georgia?
22:47 Speaker 04 I do love that one.
22:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, hell yeah.
22:52 Dax Shepard? You know what?
22:52 Speaker 01 Okay, Sasha.
22:53 Dax Shepard? Hook 'em, okay? Hook 'em horns.
22:55 Speaker 04 No, no, no, no.
22:57 Dax Shepard? That's the real UT. Hook 'em.
22:58 Speaker 01 Ew, you're not allowed to say that. You have a house in Nashville.
23:01 Dax Shepard? I'm just making enemies everywhere I can.
23:02 Speaker 01 I know.
23:02 Dax Shepard? Okay, so you have a holiday nightmare story.
23:04 Speaker 01 Let's get into your story.
23:05 Speaker 04 This takes place 2013, 14. So I am 19, 20, 21, new boyfriend. Timeline is a little iffy on some of these details, but we might have even been engaged. We went from dating to engaged in like three months.
23:21 Dax Shepard? At 19?
23:22 Speaker 04 I mean, I'm from Tennessee, actually.
23:23 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah. But I will say it does call into question your overall judgment when it comes to Dollywood.
23:29 Speaker 01 No, it has nothing to do with that. That has nothing to do with your Dollywood opinions.
23:35 Speaker 04 No, not relevant at all. Disagree.
23:38 Dax Shepard? Okay, so you're 19 and you're engaged.
23:40 Speaker 04 That's the reason I'm also using a fake name is because as this story develops, these details would not fare well with the southern crowd. But either way, at new partner's family's house, it was Christmas. They are just a fun crowd, very opposite of how I grew up. Conservative, no one drank, no one cursed.
24:01 Dax Shepard? Your family or his?
24:02 Speaker 04 Mine. I could not say fart growing up.
24:04 Dax Shepard? Oh, I see why you don't like Dollywood.
24:07 Speaker 01 That's very southern.
24:08 Dax Shepard? I get it.
24:08 Speaker 01 Did you have to say toot?
24:10 Dax Shepard? Flatulence? Did someone flatulence?
24:12 Speaker 04 And if we did, even on accident or a burp, my dad was, did you just do that? I mean, he was so upset.
24:19 Dax Shepard? So his family's a good time.
24:21 Speaker 04 They're the best time. Everything is alcohol, everything is big parties. Doesn't matter the occasion. I was a little nervous, trying to be cool and fit into this new family and hope they like me and all those sort of things. But we get inside, drinks start flowing pretty quickly. I partake, as does he. His family, also a fun detail to note, is huge on spades.
24:40 Dax Shepard? Oh, I like them already.
24:42 Speaker 04 Like that. Yes. They're teaching me how to play spades.
24:44 Dax Shepard? It's a hard game to learn, too.
24:45 Speaker 04 And getting in and learning while drinking.
24:47 Dax Shepard? Yes, at nineteen, yeah, yeah.
24:49 Speaker 04 I don't know about y'all, but there are sort of two modes I go into in drinking. Number one is everyone is my best friend. I love you so much. Here's my whole life story. What's your ace's score? You know, here we go. And then number two is, are we fucking? Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, it's wonderful. Those are adjacent, really friendly.
25:09 Dax Shepard? Let's connect.
25:09 Speaker 04 Yeah, so we're both drinking. We kind of give each other, you know, like a look. And so I don't know why, but we say, okay, we'll go to the car. We go outside.
25:18 Dax Shepard? Is it light or dark out?
25:19 Speaker 04 Dark. His car is the first one parked in the driveway to the side of the house, like almost nose touching the side of the house. Just fun detail. It was a Volkswagen Rabbit. We get in to the car. He gets in the driver's seat, uh, you know.
25:32 Dax Shepard? You mount him?
25:33 Speaker 04 Correct.
25:33 Dax Shepard? Are you wearing a dress or do you gotta remove pants?
25:36 Speaker 04 I knew you were gonna ask me, and I was gonna give you a disclaimer that I'm not gonna have all the answers to all the details.
25:42 Dax Shepard? Okay, sure, sure.
25:43 Speaker 04 Combination of time that has passed and intoxication level. I don't remember. I couldn't tell you to save my life.
25:48 Dax Shepard? If you get caught pulling a skirt down's a lot easier than where are my pants?
25:52 Speaker 04 Mm-hmm.
25:53 Dax Shepard? They were inside out because I was in a hurry.
25:55 Speaker 04 You could have told me it was two minutes or it was 25. I have no recollection of how long we're going about this good time. Next thing I know, motion light comes on and he just yeets me off of him. I mean, like pushes me off and gets out of the car in like point two seconds flat.
26:13 Dax Shepard? Chucks you into the passenger seat and he's exiting the vehicle.
26:16 Speaker 04 Yes, he's exited the vehicle.
26:17 Dax Shepard? He is erect. He either had to pull his pants up with an erection, which is rough, or he's just out there with an erection.
26:23 Speaker 04 Two things probably were in his favor. The shock, being scared, and then also it was so cold outside. Maybe that was helpful.
26:31 Dax Shepard? All right.
26:31 Speaker 04 My left. Foot, like my ankle, had somehow gotten stuck under the emergency brake that was down. Oh, yeah. So when he pushes me off, the top half, like torso up, tries to follow the momentum and twists over into the seat, but the ankle and the foot is not going. It's 100% stuck. So the next thing I know that I do also remember pretty clearly is just like screaming out in pain. That hurts. So, I mean, it twisted my ankle all the way around.
26:59 Dax Shepard? Ooh.
27:00 Speaker 04 He is 6'2", 250. I'm 5'1". And just like screaming. And then his uncle is like, is that you? And like, is coming over. That's who set the motion light off. His uncle had come outside. And his uncle carries me like this inside.
27:16 Dax Shepard? Okay, you have your arms out like if you're a baby.
27:20 Speaker 04 Cradle.
27:20 Dax Shepard? Or you, it's like you carry a 50-pound bag of dog food.
27:23 Speaker 04 Yes. He carries me inside because I cannot walk on that ankle, on that foot at all. I mean, it is so down for the count. And I remember him carrying me into the house, sitting me down on the couch. I'm still crying. Everyone has now come to the living room. Luckily, his mom and his aunt are nurses, so they come and they help and put some ice.
27:43 Dax Shepard? And does anyone ask you how you've hurt your ankle?
27:45 Speaker 04 Yes, and Uncle sells me out in two seconds to the whole crowd.
27:49 Dax Shepard? She was riding Billy in the front seat of the foreign car.
27:53 Speaker 04 Yes, he does. That, to me, my 19-year-old southern, I mean, I'm mortified.
27:57 Dax Shepard? But they love it. This is exactly what 19-year-olds should be doing at Christmas, and they know it.
28:01 Speaker 04 Yeah, they're the one giving me drinks and making me lemon drops.
28:04 Dax Shepard? Teaching you spades? I mean, they're getting you ready for a life of good times.
28:07 Speaker 04 I wonder if they're like, I just hope they use protection.
28:09 Dax Shepard? They're not even worried.
28:10 Speaker 04 That kind of calms down, settles down. They laugh. They think it's awesome. I decide at some point to rejoin the spades table. I'm very, very drunk. And I remember, clear as day, I have my cards. They've dealt me my hand. And I turn to his aunt and I say, "Am I the red team or the black team?" Oh, shit. All right. For the listener, that's not how you play. It has nothing to do.
28:29 Dax Shepard? Has absolutely nothing to do with the game.
28:31 Speaker 04 Not at all. Not at all. And so, yes, again, his mom, who was a nurse, had crutches already at the house. She wrapped it, gave me crutches. I was grateful to avoid an embarrassing doctor urgent care trip. And the funniest part, too, is that, I think that was a Saturday. The next day, my dad had invited us, myself, boyfriend, I think his mom and sister, to like the Christmas play at our church.
28:56 Dax Shepard? Oh, boy.
28:57 Speaker 04 I get to hobble into church with my sex injury.
29:00 Dax Shepard? And they're all hungover.
29:01 Speaker 04 Yeah.
29:01 Dax Shepard? And they're like, oh, fuck this.
29:02 Speaker 04 And I don't remember what I told dad, but it definitely wasn't I was banging in the driveway at the Christmas party. Good thing the uncle wasn't invited to the play.
29:09 Dax Shepard? Oh, cuz he would have blasted you, yeah. Oh, you should have seen her.
29:13 Speaker 04 I saw everything.
29:14 Dax Shepard? They were in a rabbit, but there was only one rabbit in that vehicle. It was your daughter.
29:20 Speaker 04 What hap- did you confront the boyfriend? Like, where'd you go?
29:24 Dax Shepard? Did he ever resurface? Did we ever see him again? When did he resurface?
29:27 Speaker 04 Inside is when I remember him coming back into the memory in the picture. He's playing spades, he's in the party.
29:32 Dax Shepard? Yeah, that's the only thing that doesn't track about this story is that Billy's from this family. Why is he, like, if that scenario happened at my house, I wouldn't have cared at all cuz my mom didn't care. I'm from that family. So I went and ran.
29:46 Speaker 04 He got spooked. He has another uncle who honestly, like, if he would have come out, they probably would have, like, fist bumped or something. This was not that uncle. He was still very cool about it and funny and wonderful, but not as close. So honestly, I don't even fault him. It was probably so fight or flight.
30:02 Dax Shepard? He thought, I'm gonna disappear, my uncle's gonna think she's in the car by herself. I'm gonna re-enter the back of the house and pretend that she was just out there in the car.
30:11 Speaker 04 She was just checking to for her wallet.
30:12 Dax Shepard? That's what happened.
30:13 Speaker 04 Yeah, I just wish he hadn't chucked her across the car, you know? Yeah.
30:17 Dax Shepard? Desperate times, desperate measures. He wasn't abusive, though, right?
30:22 Speaker 04 No. Oh, no.
30:24 Dax Shepard? He was sweet.
30:25 Speaker 04 No one thinks bad.
30:26 Dax Shepard? Big boy.
30:27 Speaker 04 Yes, yes. You still gotta be careful. I think fight or flight, your amygdala is firing. I don't know.
30:34 Dax Shepard? A lot of the blood is not even in the brain at that point.
30:36 Speaker 04 That's exactly right.
30:40 Dax Shepard? I love this story. It's as messy as it gets. I miss it. I'm having like a little bit of sadness as I hear this. Yeah, so those were fun times. That reminds me of like holidays at Aaron's aunt's house. It was just a mess.
30:51 Speaker 04 It was a big old mess.
30:52 Dax Shepard? So fun. Cards and drinking and smoking.
30:55 Speaker 04 Always. There was one Christmas party, same family, same host. We made matching outfits and I made his shirt and it said, "Do you wanna ride my sleigh tonight?" And we put antlers and a red nose where the belt would go of his outfit. You know, we're fun.
31:10 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
31:12 Dax Shepard? It's the kind of family where there's a fire about every third Christmas party. There's a fire at some point in the house.
31:17 Speaker 04 An injury, a fire, yeah, 100%.
31:21 Speaker 01 That is fun.
31:22 Dax Shepard? Well, Sasha, this was a party. Thank you. Yeah, it was a really good time.
31:26 Speaker 04 Shout out to Olivia. We saw you twice in Chicago together.
31:30 Dax Shepard? You did?
31:31 Speaker 04 Said boyfriend, husband was in the military, so we were stationed in Chicago when you all were there.
31:36 Dax Shepard? The Christmas show, right?
31:37 Speaker 01 And my parents were there.
31:39 Dax Shepard? Yes, the Padmans were in attendance.
31:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, they were there for that one.
31:42 Speaker 04 This is how you know that we are next level obsessed. She's the only person I told about this because I was convinced when I got the email from Emma. I'm like, this is spam. This is a scam. This is fake.
31:50 Dax Shepard? Someone's gonna ask you for $11 or something.
31:52 Speaker 04 Yes. And so I only told her, I said it was today. She texted me this morning and she said, this is the day our lives change forever.
32:00 Speaker 01 Oh, that's so sweet.
32:03 Dax Shepard? Well, enjoy your new lives, ladies. I hope they find their way back to a late model rabbit in the parking lot on Christmas Day. Because don't let go of those times too quickly.
32:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, they're fun.
32:14 Speaker 04 Thank you all so much. This was the time of my life.
32:16 Dax Shepard? Lovely meeting you.
32:18 Speaker 04 You too. Bye.
32:30 Dax Shepard? We get support from Skims. So Monica just informed me that she's a girl's girl and I nodded like I knew exactly what that meant.
32:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, but the girls who get it, they get it.
32:41 Dax Shepard? Okay, but for those of us who are clearly not girls, walk me through it.
32:45 Speaker 01 Well, you know how much I love my Skims fleece joggers because the plush fleece is so soft, it's cozy, it's really comfortable without feeling too heavy. Well, I went to friend them and she would not stop talking about how comfy they were. She almost didn't give them back to me, which was upsetting, but I'm a girl's girl, so I let her have it.
33:02 Dax Shepard? Great, great, great.
33:03 Speaker 01 So the sleep sets are awesome because they are very soft and comfortable, but they're cute. If I'm in my sleep set, I feel fine about going down the street to pick up my food. I'm still looking cute, but I'm comfy and I'm cozy.
33:17 Dax Shepard? Roger.
33:18 Speaker 01 A really fun thing to do is if you're going on vacation with your girlfriends, to get matching Skims pajamas. I've done this with Callie and it is so fun. First of all, the pics are so cute, but also it's just fun and friendship.
33:30 Dax Shepard? So a girl's girl is looking out for your friends with better loungewear. I get it. Am I one of your girls now?
33:35 Speaker 01 You are. You and the other girlies can shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows.
33:49 Dax Shepard? This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you've thought about trying therapy with our long-term partner, BetterHelp, insurance options may now be available nationwide with an average copay for eligible members of just $23 per session. October 10th is World Mental Health Day, but you don't need a day on the calendar to give yourself permission to talk to someone. I've been in therapy for a long time and the stuff rattling around in my head always just quiets down the second I say it out loud. And it doesn't have to be some big life crisis. Maybe it's a work thing that's taking up too much space or hard relationship moment, or just a feeling that something's off. That's enough. That's worth talking about.
34:27 Speaker 01 You know, I love therapy more than anything. Gets me through. Often I'll want to cancel because I'm like, I don't really have anything to talk about. And then I'll go and I have some major revelation.
34:39 Dax Shepard? You know, I was just talking to a friend who has just started it. And I said, one of the most powerful elements of it is just hearing yourself say out loud, the thing that's been ruminating in your head and how different it sounds. Once it's out into the world, you gain perspective immediately just by hearing yourself say it.
34:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, you do.
34:54 Dax Shepard? If you've been waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with more than 125 health plan networks and eligible members have an average copay of just $23 per session with insurance. Don't have insurance or live outside the US? You can still get 10% off your first month. Do yourself a favor and just try it. Future you will be grateful. Visit betterhelp.com/dax to explore your payment options. That's better H E L P dot com slash DAX. We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace and I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective.
35:38 Dax Shepard? Running can be freeing and cathartic and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton. Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere, whether that's in your office, living room, or even the attic. Plus, they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving. Let yourself run. Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.
36:19 Speaker 01 Remember when a couple of episodes ago, when we thought that girl was telling us that her grandma died? I laughed last night thinking about it.
36:27 Dax Shepard? Oh, so great.
36:27 Speaker 01 I like pop back in my head and stuff.
36:29 Dax Shepard? Your grandmother didn't make it.
36:33 Speaker 06 Hi.
36:34 Speaker 01 Hi.
36:34 Dax Shepard? Now, listen, you're big A little A R O N?
36:36 Speaker 06 No. Okay, so A A Ron is running incredibly late from work. I'm his wife, Bree.
36:42 Dax Shepard? Oh.
36:43 Speaker 06 Yeah, so he's really sad, but he's in the car right now.
36:46 Dax Shepard? Okay, tell him not to crash on the way home.
36:49 Speaker 06 He's on 85, coming in from Atlanta.
36:52 Dax Shepard? Oh, good luck.
36:53 Speaker 01 And it's Friday.
36:53 Speaker 06 You understand.
36:54 Dax Shepard? No, we were not gonna talk to him until 7:00 PM.
36:57 Speaker 01 Seriously, last time I got home Friday.
37:00 Dax Shepard? I know.
37:01 Speaker 01 Two hours. I was like, I'm not going home ever again.
37:04 Dax Shepard? It's what stopped you from calling Atlanta home and started calling LA. That was the exact moment where you said LA. And you know how fucking shitty your traffic is if LA's traffic is preferable?
37:14 Speaker 01 Exactly, I know.
37:15 Dax Shepard? It's shameful. All right, so Rob will do some magic and we'll communicate. I'm gonna put you back in the waiting room.
37:20 Speaker 06 Sounds good. Oh, my God, he'll be so happy. Thank you guys so much.
37:23 Dax Shepard? All right.
37:23 Speaker 06 Oh, and I got to meet you guys. Bye.
37:26 Speaker 01 How fun, an Aaron and a Bree.
37:28 Dax Shepard? Unreal. That was the last episode of Mom's Car, Aaron and Bree.
37:32 Speaker 01 Exactly.
37:33 Dax Shepard? Fucking Sim is lazy. You didn't really have those Christmas parties, did you?
37:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:39 Dax Shepard? Messy?
37:40 Speaker 01 Not at my parents'.
37:41 Dax Shepard? Not at people's parents' house?
37:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, not Christmas, I guess.
37:47 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it's a sacred holiday, even for the Indians. Looks like Aaron's back, if you want to say that. Okay, now I get to say it.
37:58 Dax Shepard? What's your stress level, Aaron? What's your heart rate right now?
38:01 Speaker 07 I went through probably all the stages of grief. Within the last, uh, probably like hour and a half, I don't know. I was like, oh, it's probably not gonna happen, but you got to meet my better half.
38:14 Speaker 01 Oh, I know we did. She was lovely.
38:17 Dax Shepard? I don't bump into many guys who had a Bree in their life.
38:19 Speaker 01 I know. A Bree and an Aaron. It's so weird.
38:24 Dax Shepard? Aaron's never heard the show Bree made him submit. They just figured that out just right now.
38:27 Speaker 01 That's fine.
38:32 Dax Shepard? He didn't know who Aaron or Bree was.
38:33 Speaker 01 Were you working downtown?
38:35 Dax Shepard? In a hospital?
38:36 Speaker 07 I was not downtown, not far from downtown, but I'm a dentist. So I work for a nonprofit dental clinic in Shambly, Georgia.
38:44 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, that's.
38:45 Dax Shepard? Do you know Shambly?
38:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:47 Speaker 07 I drive past Duluth.
38:49 Speaker 01 Do you wave to my parents?
38:51 Speaker 07 I wave at the exit, you know, we do all the.
38:54 Dax Shepard? Ceremonial.
38:55 Speaker 07 Yeah, exactly.
38:56 Dax Shepard? Okay, so you can answer a question, and this came up on a previous interview today. What percentage of your current clients are the result of bird or lime scooters?
39:07 Speaker 07 Personally, not very many, mostly because of their income status. They're walking, they're taking public transportation most of the time. But I do have a friend that works in private practice. And I don't know a percentage, but I would say it's getting up there.
39:24 Dax Shepard? My theory was that pickleball and electric scooters have probably been the backbone of medicine over the last six years financially.
39:31 Speaker 07 Oh, thousand percent. And if you work in a college town like in Athens, I used to work for a dentist there. Always seeing nineteen to twenty-two year olds coming in with chipped front teeth. Typically because you're in a bar, maybe someone bumps into you while you're having a beverage.
39:48 Speaker 01 Of course.
39:49 Speaker 07 A glass bottle typically beats out enamel most days of the week.
39:53 Speaker 01 I think I've had a couple people.
39:55 Dax Shepard? Break some teeth drinking.
39:56 Speaker 01 In Athens, yeah.
39:57 Dax Shepard? So many ways you can get hurt drinking.
39:59 Speaker 01 I know.
39:59 Dax Shepard? It's not just the cirrhosis, there's a lot on the menu.
40:03 Speaker 07 Take your pick.
40:04 Dax Shepard? STDs, I mean, those are very related.
40:06 Speaker 01 Sure, you cannot get them in a lazy river.
40:09 Dax Shepard? No, or a hot tub.
40:10 Speaker 01 We don't know about the hot tub, I didn't look into that.
40:12 Dax Shepard? TBD for.
40:13 Speaker 01 Did you go to Georgia?
40:14 Speaker 07 I did, yeah, that's where Bree and I have actually met there, so go dogs.
40:17 Dax Shepard? What years were you guys there, the same, how old are you?
40:19 Speaker 07 I'm thirty-two.
40:21 Dax Shepard? So Monica already had mothballs by the time you.
40:24 Speaker 07 Texas UGA is coming up in a couple of weeks, so you never know.
40:28 Speaker 01 Oh, who you gonna root? Oh, go to hell.
40:32 Dax Shepard? Roll, hook 'em.
40:33 Speaker 07 Maybe you can be Monica's guest in the box.
40:36 Speaker 01 That's right.
40:37 Dax Shepard? I'd do that. I'd show up in a bunch of UT gear. Have to fight nine guys. Well, you showed up in UG gear.
40:44 Speaker 01 UGA.
40:45 Dax Shepard? Well, you got the drift.
40:48 Speaker 01 God. Oh, wow.
40:50 Dax Shepard? Okay, so you have a holiday nightmare story, Aaron.
40:53 Speaker 07 Yeah, so Brana's from Maryland. We just had a baby in August of 2023.
41:00 Dax Shepard? Congrats.
41:01 Speaker 07 That December, we were headed up, driving to Maryland to do baby's first holiday season with her family. The only people at that time that had met the baby were her mom flew down. Everyone else was waiting for us to come up there to meet her. So we get up to Maryland. We drive there, no issues. It's Christmas Eve. We're on our way from our hotel to my in-laws' house. And going probably 77, 5 miles an hour on the highway, about a quarter mile from our exit. Get over into the right lane and going and then all of a sudden, big boom. Feel like I got punched in the chest.
41:38 Speaker 01 Ah.
41:39 Speaker 07 Brana's immediately freaking out. Baby, I think, was asleep and is now hysterically crying.
41:44 Speaker 01 Oh.
41:44 Speaker 07 For whatever reason, I was pretty calm. I think it's when they say like, one emotion can only be handled, whatever percentage by each person. So I think she had 110% of the panic.
41:56 Dax Shepard? I'm learning now this is a Georgia theory. This is Monica's theory.
42:00 Speaker 01 It's not my theory. We learned it here and I just thought it was correct.
42:03 Dax Shepard? You should've been in my house. There's 600% rage happening from 10 people sometimes at once.
42:08 Speaker 07 Yeah. You should've seen me in the car earlier.
42:12 Speaker 07 I pull over into the emergency lane. I look behind us and this old red Lincoln is slowly pulling up behind us. I tell Brana to make sure the baby's okay. I'm okay. Get out, go. And I walk up to the driver's side window and it's an older guy, probably late 60s, early 70s.
42:30 Speaker 07 Super apologetic. He's like, I'm so sorry. I think I fell asleep.
42:34 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
42:34 Speaker 07 So he rear-ended you? He rear-ended us. I look at the damage, not as bad as you would think, but I think that's because we were moving together. Yeah. If we were at a standstill, I'd probably be in a neck brace still, but our trunk was kind of pushed in, trunk wouldn't open. So some latch was bent there. Your car or a rental? Our car. So front end of his car, you know, it's a Lincoln, not too bad. We exchanged information. Police and EMS end up coming just to check everyone out. We all end up being fine. And so we end up going on our way. We get to the house, do dinner, and that was the end of the night. So luckily, everyone was, was okay. Car was still drivable. The next day, Christmas morning, we wake up, we pull baby into bed.
43:19 Speaker 07 And Brianna pretty immediately is like, something's not right. Okay. She feels hot to me. I feel her. I'm like, I mean, she's warm, but who isn't a little warm after they wake up? You know, she's all swaddled up. Sure.
43:32 Speaker 01 Santa came.
43:34 Speaker 07 Yeah, exactly. Maybe she's just excited. Brianna's like, no, we need to take her temperature. So we go, we're looking for the thermometer. One thing we didn't bring with us, I'm like, okay, what's open on Christmas morning? Thankfully, CVS is, so I go to CVS, get a thermometer. Come back, we go to take her temperature and it slowly, it starts climbing. It's gone, you know, one hundred, one oh one, one oh two. It's one oh four. And at that point, it's still, it's still going up. We pull it out. Every baby manual tells you like one oh four. It's go time. Yeah. So we're like, okay, emergency room. So on Christmas morning, we head over to the emergency room. There's maybe two or three other people there. So we're just kind of waiting to be seen. Nurse brings us back.
44:17 Speaker 07 They take her temperature. They're like, yeah, she's got a fever. Then they do a flu and COVID test on her. She comes back negative for flu, but she is positive for COVID. Wow, wow, unconventional.
44:29 Speaker 01 Tiny.
44:30 Speaker 07 And if you're wondering, they test babies for COVID the same way that they test big adults. Twelve foot nasal swab? Yeah, I felt bad for everyone in this situation. I felt bad for the nurse having to do it. I felt bad for our daughter. How old was she at this point? She was almost four months. The nurse says, really, I mean, there's nothing we can do. You take Tylenol to control her fever. And they're like, actually infants tend to do really well with COVID. Surprisingly, I wasn't expecting that. So we get in the car, we go back to our Homewood Suites room and we call her family and we're like, we're gonna be holding down the fort here this Christmas. So they ended up coming doing like one of those drive-bys, kind of like in retro COVID fashion where everyone is kind of waving for graduations and things like that.
45:16 Speaker 07 Put, put some gifts on the sidewalk. The next day, we get a call from Brianna's mom and she's like, hey, so yesterday I wasn't really feeling that great. This morning, I was feeling even worse. So I took a COVID test and I'm positive for COVID. So at this point, we've been exposed, Brianna and I have been exposed to COVID. Our daughter has COVID. My mother-in-law has COVID. Everyone that lives in that house has been exposed to COVID. You're getting COVID.
45:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's time. It's time to reconvene.
45:43 Speaker 07 We called our pediatrician and we're like, this is immoral for us to like, go like, hang out with family. And she's like, honestly, it's your call. You do what's in your best interest. And so we're like, okay, fuck it. It's our last day here in Maryland. We're gonna go spend time with family. We went, that was the end of the trip. We get back to Atlanta. No one else ended up getting COVID. Just my daughter, just my mother-in-law. Christmas miracle. Yeah, exactly. So a little bonus there. So I wish the story ended there.
46:12 Speaker 01 Oh.
46:12 Speaker 07 But there was one more cherry on top. I had given my car to the collision center to get fixed. I was given a rental car. This was probably about a month after the incident. And I'm coming home from work in the rental car and I'm pulling in our turn neighborhood. It's dark. In front of me, I see a deer run across the road. And so I slowed down because typically if one deer comes across, you know, someone else is coming right behind it. No deer. So I slowly start going and boom, loud thud in the passenger side.
46:40 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
46:41 Speaker 07 I stopped and I still think I have like PTSD from when the guy hit us from behind because I was like really kind of shook.
46:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:48 Dax Shepard? You know, why does this keep happening?
46:51 Speaker 07 I was like, there's no way.
46:52 Dax Shepard? Leave me alone.
46:53 Speaker 07 So I get out, the deer's gone, but has left a nice dent and some fur and a little bit of blood on the door. I sent Emma some pictures.
47:01 Dax Shepard? Oh, sure. Oh, wow. And what's interesting is the blood is quite a distance from the dent.
47:08 Speaker 07 It must have hit and slid.
47:09 Dax Shepard? Yeah, or it squirted. And to get a spatter analysis in here.
47:14 Speaker 01 That's a substantial dent.
47:15 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
47:16 Speaker 01 I'd be pissed.
47:17 Speaker 07 I thought I was gonna get out of this car accident scot-free without having to pay any money. I end up having to pay 500 bucks to get the rental fixed.
47:26 Speaker 01 That's so annoying. Where you're just like, I need this Christmas to be over.
47:30 Speaker 07 Yeah. Well, you know what's funny is I'm Jewish. I'm like, I'm never celebrating Christmas again.
47:36 Dax Shepard? This is why we don't celebrate Christmas.
47:39 Speaker 07 Exactly. Why Hanukkah is eight nights.
47:45 Speaker 07 We spread out the, the good juju.
47:47 Dax Shepard? Real modesty tonight, very subtle, small gift.
47:51 Speaker 07 We don't want to blow it all on the first night.
47:53 Dax Shepard? Well, Erin is delightful to meet you.
47:55 Speaker 07 Yeah, thank you for, thanks for waiting for me.
47:57 Dax Shepard? Of course. I'm glad you, you didn't get too stressed out and I'm glad.
48:01 Speaker 01 Glad you didn't get in another car accident on the way.
48:05 Speaker 07 I know. I was like, I'm gonna drive as safely as possible so I don't have another story.
48:09 Dax Shepard? To be honest, because you know, I live for stories at, at any, any cost. I'd be like, God, I hope I get rear-ended. Because what a nice button for this story is that I even got rear-ended on the way to tell the story about getting rear-ended.
48:20 Speaker 07 Well, some of the traffic was caused, I looked, there was a brush fire on the side of the road. And it's like, Georgia's not typically known for brush fires.
48:29 Speaker 01 God, I hope it doesn't take out the whole city like it did here.
48:33 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
48:34 Speaker 01 It was nice to meet you.
48:35 Dax Shepard? Go dogs.
48:36 Speaker 07 I was afraid you were gonna use that other phrase that, you know, that irritates us.
48:42 Dax Shepard? I've proposed to Monica because I think I just like saying roll so much. What if I said roll dogs? And she's nothing will satisfy her other than go dogs.
48:51 Speaker 01 You can say like present rolls, okay?
48:53 Dax Shepard? What about, um, what rhymes with tide?
48:56 Speaker 01 No, I don't want any of that.
48:59 Dax Shepard? We won't ensnare you in this.
49:00 Speaker 07 Thank you for keeping me company on my drives up and down I-85. You're a big part of my life, so I appreciate it.
49:06 Dax Shepard? Our pleasure. So nice having you. You're our kind of arm cherry.
49:10 Speaker 01 That's right.
49:10 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
49:11 Speaker 01 We like, yeah.
49:11 Speaker 07 I'm one of the few husbands that pulled their wives into the folds.
49:14 Dax Shepard? Yeah, look at that.
49:15 Speaker 01 Love that.
49:16 Dax Shepard? All right, well, be well, brother.
49:18 Speaker 07 Awesome. I appreciate it. Thanks, y'all.
49:19 Dax Shepard? All right, take care.
49:21 Speaker 01 Well, that was great.
49:22 Dax Shepard? Yeah, makes you want to not have a holiday.
49:25 Speaker 01 No, I always want to have a holiday.
49:27 Dax Shepard? I want to have a holiday, too.
49:28 Speaker 01 We hope you enjoy your holidays, Arm Cherries.
49:30 Dax Shepard? And keep your pepper spray stowed on this, on the holiday 2025. Love you.
49:35 Speaker 01 Love you.
49:37 Dax Shepard? Do you want to sing a tune or something? We have a theme song.
49:40 Speaker 08 Oh.
49:41 Dax Shepard? Okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of Arm Cherries, we'll get some suggestions. On the fly, a rhyme dish. On the fly, a rhyme dish. Enjoy.
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