Pod Insights Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Armchair Anonymous: 4th of July About this episode Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell about a crazy 4th of July disaster.
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Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Dax Shepard? Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Shepard. Happy 4th of July, America.
0:06 Speaker 01 Happy 4th. I love 4th of July.
0:09 Dax Shepard? Me too.
0:10 Speaker 01 I love living here.
0:11 Dax Shepard? Me too.
0:12 Speaker 01 Despite a lot of stuff. I love it.
0:14 Dax Shepard? I love it.
0:15 Speaker 01 And I'm grateful for my families who moved here and let me be an American citizen.
0:21 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I was just revisiting. It's how boring and old I've become.
0:24 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
0:25 Dax Shepard? I watched the Ben Franklin, Ken Burns.
0:27 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
0:28 Dax Shepard? It's like a 27-part deal on PBS. I bought it years ago and watched it. The other night I was like, I'm gonna revisit this. I've lost some of my facts on Ben. And yeah, just watching what they went through. And you know, his son, his son was the governor of New Jersey.
0:45 Speaker 01 Hmm.
0:46 Dax Shepard? And he was a loyalist.
0:47 Speaker 01 Hmm.
0:48 Dax Shepard? And they had many, many fights as there is the Continental Congress was getting together. And he was urging his son, "You gotta come with us. You gotta be a part of this." And he won it. And he never did. He stayed loyal to the king.
0:59 Speaker 01 Wow.
1:00 Dax Shepard? Yeah. Yeah.
1:01 Speaker 01 It's kinda like your dad and you with jumping off the deck.
1:05 Dax Shepard? The deck. Yeah.
1:06 Speaker 01 It's a power struggle.
1:07 Dax Shepard? The immovable object met the unstoppable force or something. At any rate, in honor of our country's birth and celebration, we have 4th of July disasters. Leave it to us. And again, this is what makes us so great. We like to blow ourselves up to celebrate.
1:22 Speaker 01 Oh, God.
1:23 Dax Shepard? Get those fireworks out, just start blowing things to bits.
1:25 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
1:26 Dax Shepard? Bodies.
1:29 Dax Shepard? This is lovely. Everyone enjoy the 4th of July. Here are some crazy stories about the 4th of July. We get support from Quince.
1:38 Speaker 01 Okay, can we talk about the fact that the holidays are already here? It's crazy. I feel like I blinked and now we're in gifting season, which I'm not really mad about because I do love giving gifts. And Quince is making it so easy to find something great for everyone on my list, including myself. Because let's be honest, self-gifting is a love language.
1:57 Dax Shepard? Quince is seriously the gift that keeps on giving. Their high-quality staples are made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, 14-karat gold, and Italian leather. Full-on Luxury quality at prices that won't wreck your holiday budget.
2:13 Speaker 01 It's the dream. The cashmere sweater starting at $60, down jackets, wool outerwear, cashmere accessories. You and everyone on your list are staying cozy and looking incredible all season long.
2:24 Dax Shepard? Well, I'm gonna tell you this, it just got chilly for the first time this year in California. And I'm so excited and I'm wearing my Quince cashmere right now.
2:31 Speaker 01 It's great.
2:32 Dax Shepard? Yeah, and I am going to gift this to some of my friends. I hope they're not listening.
2:36 Speaker 01 Quince is also more than clothing. They've got fine jewelry for your significant other, leather bags for your bestie, hotel quality bedding to set up your guest rooms, chef-grade cookware. That's an amazing thing they offer here. And it's such a good gift because people don't like buying cookware for themselves, but it's very important. And they also have five-star luggage, another good gift that people don't like buying for themselves.
2:59 Dax Shepard? Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. We get support from our sponsor, Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Gleepran. Foundo is a once-daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight
3:40 Dax Shepard? who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.
3:46 Speaker 02 Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it or if you or someone in your family had majorary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes, if you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be, or taking birth control pills, and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low Blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems. Once Daily Foundo is available by prescription only in 0.8 milligram, 2.5 milligram, 5.5 milligram,
4:31 Speaker 02 9 milligram, 14.5 milligram, and 17.2 milligram tablets. Learn more at foundo.lily.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.
5:03 Dax Shepard? Hello, is this Katie?
5:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, hello.
5:06 Dax Shepard? Uh oh, it sounds echoey. Oh, and now you're gone.
5:10 Speaker 01 That's the right move. Remember you gotta leave.
5:13 Dax Shepard? Start over.
5:14 Speaker 03 Is it okay without my headphones?
5:16 Dax Shepard? We kind of need headphones because the audio will be messed up when we talk.
5:19 Speaker 03 Okay, one minute, let me try to get another pair.
5:21 Dax Shepard? Thank you.
5:23 Speaker 03 Hi, guys. How about now?
5:24 Dax Shepard? You sound incredible. Katie, where are you?
5:27 Speaker 03 I live in Washington DC, but I'm actually on my bachelorette party right now.
5:31 Dax Shepard? Yours or someone else's?
5:33 Speaker 03 Mine.
5:34 Dax Shepard? Oh, my God.
5:35 Speaker 03 So I just ran out there to 10 girls. The headphones aren't working.
5:40 Dax Shepard? And have we caught you on what will be your only sober moment of the day?
5:43 Speaker 03 Hopefully.
5:44 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
5:46 Speaker 01 I love this. Where is the party?
5:48 Dax Shepard? Oh, let me guess, Nashville?
5:50 Speaker 03 No.
5:50 Dax Shepard? Damn it, okay.
5:51 Speaker 03 Charlottesville, Virginia. There's like lots of wineries here.
5:54 Speaker 01 Oh, I'm jealous. How exciting.
5:56 Dax Shepard? That wasn't random. You know Nashville's like the capital.
5:59 Speaker 01 I've been to one.
6:00 Dax Shepard? You have? Did you ride a bike down the street drinking out of the thing?
6:03 Speaker 01 We saw it, we didn't do it.
6:04 Dax Shepard? That's the good move, yeah. Are you guys doing anything insane?
6:08 Speaker 03 Nothing insane. We had a pool day today, so it was perfect timing. When I got the note from Emma yesterday, I was like, we'll make it work.
6:13 Speaker 01 Yay, congratulations.
6:15 Dax Shepard? Yes, when are your nuptials?
6:17 Speaker 03 August 30th, so Labor Day weekend. It was the only date available on a Saturday, so we were like, lock it down.
6:22 Dax Shepard? Okay, perfect. Okay, so you have a Fourth of July story?
6:24 Speaker 03 I do. So this happened last Fourth of July, so July 2024.
6:30 Speaker 03 In Washington DC where I live, my boyfriend now fiance is a big 4th of July guy. So we always host a party. We always host a barbecue. We had maybe 20, 30 people over and it was going well, just like a normal party. Around eight, it started to die down. I think 4th of July was on a Thursday last year. So some people had to go to work or a lot of people like to see the fireworks at the Capitol where they do a big show and that's normally what we would have done. But we had just gotten a dog a couple of months before and we didn't know how he was gonna react. So my neighbors are like, let's go upstairs. We have like a rooftop. Let's see if we can see the Capitol fireworks from there.
7:06 Dax Shepard? How close are you to the city city?
7:08 Speaker 03 I'm in the city. I live in Capitol Hill.
7:10 Speaker 01 Oh wow, that's awesome.
7:11 Dax Shepard? That's exciting.
7:12 Speaker 03 So we're up there, we're just chilling. We can't see the Capitol fireworks, but it's a city. People are setting off fireworks literally everywhere. And then all of a sudden, I feel this giant smack on my arm and a huge pain in my arm. I'm kind of in shock at first. I'm like, what just happened? So is everyone. Everyone's looking at me like, are you okay? And I looked down on my arm and I have a small but deep kind of wound. And it felt like I got hit by something really big. So I'm like looking around, trying to see what hit me. Is there debris? And I'm not seeing anything, but I'm like, guys, I must have been hit by a piece of firework debris.
7:48 Speaker 01 Oh god.
7:49 Speaker 03 We go inside, take a look at it, wash it off. And when I lift my other side of my arm, I can tell that I have a giant bruise and that whatever is in me is still inside of me and kind of bulging out.
8:04 Speaker 01 Oh, like a bullet.
8:06 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I'm afraid.
8:07 Speaker 03 So we go to the hospital. We have to Uber because we've been drinking. Takes forever to get to the hospital. And so I get an X-ray. They're like, yeah, it's probably a firework. We go back and at this point I'm feeling calm. I had been sobbing in the Uber. It was just mentally freaky to like have something.
8:24 Dax Shepard? Yeah. What was the pain level out of 10?
8:26 Speaker 03 I said a seven out of 10, more like mental pain, I feel like than physical. Finally, the doctor and nurse come in and they have a very serious look on their face. And they said, we've just called the police. You have a full bullet inside of your arm.
8:42 Speaker 01 God.
8:44 Speaker 03 Apparently on New Year's and Fourth of July, people just.
8:48 Speaker 01 What the hell?
8:49 Dax Shepard? Yeah, like they think it disappears when it hits the air or it's not going to come down.
8:54 Speaker 03 They said it can travel up to two miles away if someone shoots a bullet in the air because there was no one around us. There was no one doing anything crazy.
9:02 Dax Shepard? And do they think it was on its ascent or its descent?
9:05 Speaker 03 The descent, they think.
9:07 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
9:08 Dax Shepard? Yes, let's be honest, guys, the bullet comes down, it's aerodynamic, it's going to travel at extreme speeds.
9:16 Speaker 01 You're so lucky it hit your arm.
9:18 Speaker 03 Yes, and then this is the craziest part, at least to me, they clean it out, they give me some IV antibiotics and they're like, yeah, so we don't have a trauma surgeon on staff and you're stable, so we're going to send you home.
9:30 Dax Shepard? Have a good night.
9:32 Speaker 01 With it in you?
9:33 Speaker 03 With it in me still. They're like, here's some surgeons you can call. As a heads up, it's now like Friday at 1 a.m. No one's going to see us till after the weekend. And so I lived with a bullet inside of me for four and a half days.
9:48 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
9:49 Speaker 03 I think I sent some photos.
9:51 Dax Shepard? Oh, let us look. Okay. Number one, oh my Lord, here's the round. Well, you're really lucky. I'm sure it was explained to you what happens. Had it hit you on the ascent with its full velocity, it would have flattened out once it hit you and then really tore things up. That thing is in perfect shape. It's not augmented at all.
10:13 Speaker 03 I didn't know anything about guns before this, but it was a hollow point bullet, which are designed to like maximally shred into your body, basically.
10:21 Speaker 01 Oh, like explode once they're in there.
10:24 Dax Shepard? Yeah, they come in at the size they are and as that impact, it flattens it out and then the exit hole is usually like five X the size.
10:31 Speaker 01 Jesus Christ.
10:32 Dax Shepard? But you know what's crazy? So now I'm looking at your arm. First, there's a great X-ray with the bullet. Also, it didn't crack a bone.
10:39 Speaker 01 I'm happy to see you had an Indian doctor.
10:42 Dax Shepard? Well, it could be Pakistani.
10:43 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, but.
10:46 Dax Shepard? I don't even know that.
10:48 Speaker 01 I'm happy to see that.
10:50 Dax Shepard? There's a bruise, but it does look like you fell off a bike, not that you were shot in the arm.
10:54 Speaker 03 Yeah. And if you see that little pink center, that's the bullet pushing. And I was so freaked out because I've heard if you have a foreign object in your body, your body will expel it. And it was like right under the skin. I was like, if this bursts open on its own, I will freak out.
11:10 Dax Shepard? Oh, you didn't want that?
11:12 Speaker 03 No, I wanted a doctor to take it out the right way.
11:16 Dax Shepard? I wouldn't want it to plug your ears if you're queasy. I would have wanted to pop it. Think of that's like the ultimate pimple to get out. Like when you get a pimple and you get the core, like this would be the ultimate core. The relief you'd feel as it exited would be euphoric.
11:29 Speaker 01 Dax, I do think you underplayed this bruise.
11:31 Dax Shepard? Okay, it's enormous, but it's not black and gangrenous.
11:36 Speaker 01 I mean, it's pretty black.
11:38 Dax Shepard? Around the perimeter is nice purple.
11:40 Speaker 03 By the end, it was definitely like hot. The doctor was like, I think it's infected. We gotta get this out of you right away.
11:45 Dax Shepard? Was it super simple for them to get it out?
11:47 Speaker 03 Yeah, I thought they might not have to put me under, but they did put me under and then just quick surgery.
11:53 Dax Shepard? And did they ever tell you what caliber that was?
11:55 Speaker 03 Yes, they did. It was a nine millimeter hollow point bullet.
11:59 Speaker 01 Did they find the person who did it?
12:01 Speaker 03 No, they, they kind of told me like, unless we find the gun, like we're not gonna find. And I hadn't heard anything, seen anything, could have been two miles away. So could have been anyone, but yeah, words of wise, don't shoot guns in the air.
12:11 Speaker 01 Seriously.
12:12 Dax Shepard? Your dinguses.
12:13 Speaker 01 Oh my God, you're unlucky and you're so lucky.
12:16 Dax Shepard? A mix of bad and good luck. Yeah. Cause that's probably where you would pick if you had to pick where you were going to get hit.
12:21 Speaker 03 Yeah, right here it went in.
12:23 Dax Shepard? Oh.
12:24 Speaker 01 Oh my gosh, yeah.
12:25 Dax Shepard? Got a lovely scar still.
12:27 Speaker 01 It's kind of cool.
12:28 Dax Shepard? It's very cool because people inevitably will ask, oh, what's that scar from? Oh, nothing. I got, I got shot. And then I just hung out for four days. Nine mil hollow point.
12:39 Speaker 03 All my friends were expecting me to get engaged somewhat soon. So I was like FaceTiming them the next day. They were like, yay. And I was like, no, I actually got shot.
12:47 Dax Shepard? Even better.
12:49 Speaker 03 It was a good story.
12:51 Speaker 01 That is a good story.
12:52 Dax Shepard? That's incredible, Katie. Wowzers. Well, have a fucking riot on this bachelorette party.
12:59 Speaker 03 Yes. Do you mind if the girls come in?
13:01 Dax Shepard? Get them all in here. Oh, sunnies. Okay, sunnies.
13:06 Speaker 01 This is so fun. I'm so.
13:08 Dax Shepard? Oh, there's a big blow up dick.
13:11 Speaker 01 I wanna go.
13:13 Speaker 03 Join us, Monica.
13:14 Speaker 01 I would love to.
13:15 Dax Shepard? Open invite to the bachelorette party.
13:18 Speaker 01 Have so much fun.
13:19 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
13:20 Speaker 03 Thank you so much. It was so great to meet you guys.
13:22 Dax Shepard? You too. All right. Take care. Bye, girls.
13:28 Speaker 01 I want someone to propose to so I can have a bachelorette party.
13:33 Dax Shepard? You want one?
13:33 Speaker 01 I love girls' trips.
13:35 Dax Shepard? Yeah. I got married. I did not have a bachelor party.
13:37 Speaker 01 I know, but you've lived a lot.
13:39 Dax Shepard? I've lived a bachelor party.
13:41 Speaker 01 So have I, to be fair. But I could just plan a girls' trip, but I won't get all the attention.
13:46 Dax Shepard? You want all the attention?
13:47 Speaker 01 I mean, one day.
13:48 Speaker 04 Could be like a birthday girls' trip.
13:50 Speaker 01 Birthday. Okay.
13:52 Dax Shepard? Or get shot in the arm trip?
13:53 Speaker 01 No, I definitely, I definitely don't want that.
13:57 Dax Shepard? God, I love these pink pants. Fuck, I'm miserable that these aren't real.
14:00 Speaker 01 For the listener.
14:01 Dax Shepard? Our screen is fucked up on our TV.
14:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, and it's making Dax's blue pants look pink.
14:07 Dax Shepard? And Monica's hair clown red.
14:11 Dax Shepard? Let me evaluate that. I'm trying to think about, yeah, I would dig that.
14:14 Speaker 01 No.
14:15 Dax Shepard? Yeah. Turn to the, well, you can't see yourself if you do profile. Pull some of it out over your shoulder.
14:20 Speaker 01 It's short. It's not for me.
14:22 Dax Shepard? Okay. Wait, I'm gonna take a picture of you. Now smile at me. Yeah, that's awesome. I'm gonna tell everyone you dyed your hair red. And put spider web on it.
14:32 Speaker 01 It does kinda look cool.
14:33 Dax Shepard? It does. Hello.
14:36 Speaker 05 Hi.
14:37 Dax Shepard? Hi. Is this Lara?
14:39 Speaker 05 It's Lara.
14:40 Dax Shepard? Uh oh.
14:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, she thought that was Lara.
14:43 Dax Shepard? L A R A?
14:44 Speaker 01 Okay, I see what you mean.
14:45 Speaker 05 Can I tell you a quick funny story before my story?
14:48 Dax Shepard? Yes.
14:49 Speaker 05 My name was Lara. My mom named me Lara. And then she didn't like the way my grandma pronounced it, so she changed it three weeks later after I was born.
14:58 Dax Shepard? To Laura, but didn't change the spelling?
15:01 Speaker 05 Well, Lara, like car.
15:03 Dax Shepard? Lara. Now, do you remember the 60 Minutes? Okay.
15:07 Speaker 01 By the way.
15:08 Dax Shepard? Okay. Were you aware of the 60 Minutes anchor Lara?
15:14 Speaker 01 Slash Schenger.
15:14 Dax Shepard? No, Croft, maybe? That's Tomb Raider. There was a Lara, 60 Minutes anchor, whatever. Lara Logan? Lara Logan? Do you deal with this a lot?
15:25 Speaker 01 I'm sorry.
15:26 Speaker 05 I don't usually go this far into detail, but it's you guys, so.
15:30 Dax Shepard? I feel entitled to do it because my name has gotten so much goddamn attention for my whole life.
15:36 Speaker 05 I hated it when I was a kid, but now it's great.
15:39 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
15:39 Speaker 05 Such a good story.
15:40 Dax Shepard? And where are you at?
15:41 Speaker 05 I am in Michigan.
15:43 Dax Shepard? Where?
15:44 Speaker 05 Just south of Grand Rapids. I'm in a little town called Middleville.
15:48 Dax Shepard? Okay. Do you go up to Grand Haven and enjoy the fireworks and stuff?
15:53 Speaker 05 Sometimes. Do you know where Gun Lake is? Have you been to Gun Lake?
15:56 Dax Shepard? I haven't been to Gun Lake.
15:57 Speaker 05 I'm actually gonna talk about a more popular lake today that I hope you've heard of.
16:01 Dax Shepard? Torch.
16:02 Speaker 05 Yes.
16:03 Dax Shepard? Boom! Monica, that's pretty good. We have about, I don't know, 2,000 lakes in Michigan.
16:07 Speaker 01 Cause I have not heard of it.
16:09 Dax Shepard? Torch Lake is among the most beautiful lakes in the world. National Geographic used to rank these lakes and it was always in the top 10.
16:15 Speaker 01 Oh wow.
16:16 Dax Shepard? It looks like the Caribbean. It's crazy.
16:17 Speaker 05 Yes, very clear, which will come in handy in my story later. Also, 4th of July, it's the place to be in Michigan.
16:25 Dax Shepard? And it's a chain of lakes, right? There's Elk, Torch, and Higgins, maybe they're all connected?
16:29 Speaker 05 Maybe.
16:30 Dax Shepard? That's enough geography for Monica. Okay, so you're on Torch Lake. What year?
16:34 Speaker 05 Okay, so it's 2015. So I'm at the tail end of a gap year between undergrad at Michigan State, go green.
16:43 Dax Shepard? Go Spartans.
16:44 Speaker 05 And I'm going to U of M for grad school the next month.
16:47 Dax Shepard? Go Wolverines.
16:48 Speaker 01 Great school.
16:49 Speaker 05 Living this fun in-between life where I'm not really doing anything that has to do with my degree, living downtown Grand Rapids with my roommates, all great things. But I'm 22 years old, so I'm in my binge drinking era.
17:02 Dax Shepard? Fuck, yes, you are. And you're a Michigander. We're all mildly alcoholics.
17:06 Speaker 05 Yes, a little bit. Maybe it's like our ancestors. They all came here, had to get through that winter.
17:12 Dax Shepard? Dark cold.
17:13 Speaker 01 American youth, we do that.
17:15 Dax Shepard? Well, I do think there's something that we mirror a little bit Scandinavia. Like, if you arrived in Michigan in the 1700s, you were like, absolutely, let's go. Seven months of gray and freezing, this is for me. That's a type.
17:27 Speaker 05 And it's top 10, one of the cloudiest places in the world country. I don't know. I'm a little bit of an armchair expert myself.
17:35 Speaker 01 Wait, Michigan is?
17:37 Dax Shepard? Oh, it's so cloudy.
17:38 Speaker 01 Ew.
17:39 Dax Shepard? Ew.
17:39 Speaker 05 I know. So we love the sun when we get it.
17:42 Speaker 01 Oh, I didn't know that. All right.
17:44 Speaker 05 Have you been?
17:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, I have. And I thought it was quite sunny.
17:48 Dax Shepard? She's been to Stevensonville, Grand Haven, all the Lake Michigan. We rented a house. She performed at Fox Theater in Detroit. She's been to Woodward Cruise. She's done it all.
17:58 Speaker 01 It was sunny, though. I must have brought the sun.
18:01 Speaker 05 Absolutely.
18:12 Dax Shepard? This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Every family has that one holiday tradition nobody actually enjoys, but everyone keeps doing because stopping it would feel like a federal offense. For me, it was a specific meal situation that I will not name because my family listens. But at some point, you have to ask yourself, am I doing this because I love it or because I'm afraid of what happens if I don't?
18:35 Speaker 01 Yes, and that question applies to so much more than the holidays. I think a lot of us carry these invisible rules about how we're supposed to spend the holidays. We're supposed to see what it's supposed to look like. And when you start unpacking that with a therapist, you realize half of your stress is coming from rules you didn't even write.
18:51 Dax Shepard? This is where BetterHelp can be a great resource during the holidays. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences, which means they typically get it right the first time. If you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recs.
19:10 Speaker 01 I just love therapy. I've been avoiding it recently, or not avoiding it. But I was like, oh, I'm busy, I'm busy, I'm busy. I haven't canceled, canceled, canceled. But then I-
19:18 Dax Shepard? You start feeling it.
19:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, because then I had it this past weekend and I was like, oh, my God. And just thank God, thank God for her. Yeah.
19:26 Dax Shepard? BetterHelp is now in-network with more than 125 health plans, with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at betterhelp.com/dax. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash DAX. We get support from Instagram teen accounts. So we talk a lot on this show about how the world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?
20:06 Speaker 01 Which is a fair question.
20:08 Dax Shepard? Yeah, so Instagram has got something called teen accounts, and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age-appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them. And time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10:00 PM to 7:00 AM.
20:34 Speaker 01 Sleep mode is genius.
20:35 Dax Shepard? Right? And here's the thing, for anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on, and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age-appropriate experiences for teens.
20:50 Speaker 01 I am really glad Instagram's helping to give parents peace of mind with teen accounts.
20:55 Dax Shepard? Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.
21:11 Speaker 05 Okay, so for 4th of July, we're going to go camping up at Torch Lake. But again, we're just a group of 22-year-old kids. So we didn't rent a house. There's no forethought, no money. Back then, I don't know if this is still a thing, but you could find state land and just camp there.
21:27 Dax Shepard? Sure.
21:28 Speaker 05 You had to like pull a permit and post it on the land. And then that was legal. So that's what we did. One of my roommate's boyfriends looked up some state land that was nearby. It was eight minutes away from the lake. So we went, we brought our permit, we brought our five gallon bucket to poop in.
21:44 Dax Shepard? Oh, sure.
21:44 Speaker 05 You know, all the things that you need for camping. The night that we got there, after a few drinks, I had this clear moment where I was like, I need to pin my location and send it to my mom, just in case anything happens. So I did that. I also met my college roommate's hot brother that night. He had just gotten back from the Marines.
22:03 Dax Shepard? Oh.
22:04 Speaker 05 Have you guys ever played thunderstruck to drinking game?
22:07 Dax Shepard? No.
22:08 Speaker 01 Wait, maybe.
22:08 Dax Shepard? Do you play it with AC/DC?
22:10 Speaker 05 Yeah. Every time they say thunder, you get in a group, like a circle. You've played it, Monica?
22:14 Speaker 01 I have, yes. Is it a waterfall situation? I can't remember.
22:18 Speaker 05 Kind of. So you drink and then once it says thunder again, the person next to you starts drinking and you stop drinking. So somebody gets thunder fucked.
22:26 Dax Shepard? Ooh.
22:27 Speaker 05 When there's a really long break between the thunders.
22:30 Speaker 01 I miss college.
22:31 Dax Shepard? This is fun. Yeah, I miss being in the alcohol.
22:34 Speaker 05 It's like a throwback.
22:37 Speaker 05 So I got thunder fucked. I'm chugging my beer and my roommate's hot brother offered me another one so I could keep going.
22:46 Speaker 01 Oh.
22:47 Dax Shepard? What a man.
22:47 Speaker 01 What a gentleman.
22:48 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah.
22:49 Speaker 05 Of course, I was smitten. I was like, thank you.
22:52 Dax Shepard? So considerate.
22:54 Speaker 05 We ended up sitting by the fire and talking all night. The next day was the 4th of July. So we drove to the sandbar and we waited out to the sandbar for a full day of drinking. You're on the water, so we don't really have things with us. So we just left all our phones and stuff in the car and walked about a mile to get to the lake. After many drinks, I wandered away from my group to. Go look for hot brother.
23:18 Dax Shepard? I'm gonna make a potentially inflammatory statement and it's gendered. Girls love to get separated from the group. I've spent a lot of my twenties looking for people and it was always a girl who got separated from.
23:32 Speaker 01 That is so interesting. I feel completely the opposite.
23:36 Dax Shepard? Oh, really?
23:37 Speaker 01 Yes.
23:37 Dax Shepard? Oh, interesting.
23:38 Speaker 01 I've had multiple experiences where a guy is just gone.
23:42 Dax Shepard? Okay, so maybe it's not gendered.
23:43 Speaker 01 It's so annoying.
23:44 Dax Shepard? It is. Stay with the fucking group. Where do you gotta go?
23:49 Speaker 05 Well, in this situation, I had to go find hot brother, but I was known as a flight risk in college because I would just wander away. I wanted to make more friends, Dax.
24:00 Dax Shepard? I understand.
24:02 Speaker 05 Anyway, while I'm out and about, I made some new friends, because that's the goal, right, along the journey? And the people that own houses on torch, like, they don't like us tourists coming.
24:14 Dax Shepard? Because it's upscale.
24:15 Speaker 05 Yeah, it is. And we trashed the lake. And I will just say, I'm really sorry, because this was me. I had to poop.
24:21 Dax Shepard? Okay, sure. Yeah, yeah. It's a long day.
24:23 Speaker 01 And you didn't bring your bucket.
24:25 Dax Shepard? And even if you had, you would have pooped in the bucket and thrown it in the lake.
24:29 Speaker 05 Right. So it's kind of blurry, but that's happening.
24:34 Dax Shepard? You would have gotten along with Aaron Weekly and I perfectly.
24:36 Speaker 01 In the sand or where did the?
24:38 Dax Shepard? You're just standing in the water.
24:39 Speaker 05 In the water.
24:40 Speaker 01 Oh, in the water. Oh, oh, oh, got it.
24:42 Speaker 05 Behind somebody's boat, like my new friend's boat.
24:44 Speaker 01 Okay. Now, I have a logistical question about that. Are you moving the bathing suit to the side? Are you pulling down the bottom? Are you just going?
24:54 Speaker 05 No, you're pulling it down in this situation, too far off, and now they're gone.
25:00 Speaker 01 Oh, my god.
25:02 Dax Shepard? You're a mess. You're separated from the group, you're shitting behind a boat, and you've lost your bottoms.
25:09 Speaker 05 Yeah. So I go over to the group and I'm like, I just lost my bathing suit. And luckily, there are girls there, so they're like, come aboard, here's a towel. And I'm like, sitting there, and I think that panic is starting to set in, because I remember crying a little bit, like, what am I gonna do? So luckily, a guy with goggles and some scuba gear came and looked for my bathing suit.
25:31 Speaker 01 Oh, my god.
25:32 Speaker 05 He found them.
25:33 Speaker 01 Wow. Hero.
25:34 Dax Shepard? Here's my fear. He's gonna come back and go like, oh, I found him and someone shit in the lake. Like, I thought he might find the turd with his goggle masks on.
25:41 Speaker 05 No.
25:42 Speaker 01 Or it was in the underwear. I'm so sorry, someone.
25:46 Dax Shepard? Some fucking dirtbag shit in your bottoms.
25:55 Speaker 05 Luckily, that was not part of my story that weekend. At this point, I've been gone for a while, so I'm like, I should go find my friends. So I go back to where they were and they're not there.
26:07 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
26:08 Speaker 05 And I think it's kind of late in the afternoon because a lot of people have kind of cleared out at this point. So I'm like, okay, I will get back to the shore. I remember where we parked. I will just walk back that way. Maybe I'll run into them. Maybe I can go sit next to the car until they get there, take a little nap. But after walking for a while, I couldn't find it. So there's people camping on that road. So I wander into somebody's campsite and I'm like, hey, I've lost my friends. Can I borrow some water, a sweatshirt? Can you help me out here?
26:42 Speaker 01 You are not afraid to ask for help. This is the second group of people you've asked for help.
26:46 Dax Shepard? I gotta say that this is, and maybe it's universal. This is very standard Michigan too. When you're camping, there's always some gal wandering in your camp. She's a little lost. Again, maybe the boys are doing it too, but in my experience, there's a lot of random gals would wander in your camp.
27:02 Speaker 05 It's Midwest nice, you know? So everybody wants to give you water and listen to you talk about your lost friends. Anyway, while I'm sitting there, a truck pulls up and this guy jumps out and then a girl jumps out. And lo and behold, I went to college with this girl.
27:19 Speaker 01 Oh.
27:19 Speaker 05 That jumps out of the truck. So I'm like, hey, Tara, how's it going? And she's like, hey, why are you here? So we're like chatting and I'm like, well, I got lost. The guy who drove the truck was like, oh, I can drive you back if you need. Like, you don't have to. I'll find my way. And he's like, no, I think you need a ride. So I call my mom and I'm like, that pin drop that I sent you yesterday, will you send it to this number I just called you on? And they're gonna take me back to my campsite because I'm lost. And then they drive me. It's like a 10 minute drive and it's state land. So I do have to kind of remember like, where did we go in? Oh, pull off into the ditch here. So we like drive through these trees and luckily we emerged to my campsite. And when I get back,
28:03 Speaker 05 my best friends are crying because they lost me. They left me on the sandbar. They weren't sure where I went. So it was really hard to make that drive back without your friend.
28:13 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it's really fun for the person who disappears. It's not so much fun for the group who thinks you're dead.
28:18 Speaker 01 Exactly. And there's water involved. Like you could have drowned.
28:21 Dax Shepard? Oh, yeah. There's boats whipping by at 100 miles an hour.
28:24 Speaker 05 That is very true. I didn't really think about any of that. But they're all relieved. And then Hot Brother is making fun of me because a random truck drops me off. Anyway, the weekend ends and I got a Facebook message a couple of days later from none other than best friend Hot Brother. He was like, hey, what's up? Saw that truck when I was leaving Torch Lake. That was 10 years ago. So 10 years later, Hot Brother and I are married.
28:52 Speaker 01 Oh, my God. Me cute.
28:56 Speaker 05 Me cute. I knew you'd love it, Monica.
28:59 Speaker 01 I love that.
29:00 Dax Shepard? Take your pick. Unauthorized evacuation or me cute?
29:03 Speaker 01 When those two combine, it's the best.
29:05 Dax Shepard? Yeah, romance in a lake turd.
29:07 Speaker 01 Did you tell him about your poop?
29:09 Speaker 05 I didn't tell him that weekend, but he knows now.
29:11 Speaker 01 Wow. Do you think he got jealous? He got jealous of the car that dropped you off?
29:16 Dax Shepard? It's a good start.
29:17 Speaker 05 Definitely. He was like, this girl can get random people to drop her back off. I better snatch her up.
29:22 Dax Shepard? If I don't lock her down, she'll disappear in two seconds.
29:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's right.
29:27 Dax Shepard? She's a flight risk.
29:28 Speaker 01 Wow.
29:29 Dax Shepard? Beautiful.
29:30 Speaker 01 Oh, I love that.
29:31 Dax Shepard? Yeah, really nice.
29:32 Speaker 05 Funny though, is my sister was supposed to come on the camping trip and in mine and my roommate's mind, we were gonna hook him up with my sister, her brother, my sister. But she ended up having a surgery scheduled the day before, so she couldn't come.
29:45 Speaker 01 Thank God.
29:46 Dax Shepard? What a blessing that she had to have surgery.
29:48 Speaker 05 I was real lucky.
29:49 Speaker 01 Best surgery ever.
29:51 Speaker 05 Now we just laugh because that would have never worked. Their relationship would have been a dumpster fire.
29:57 Speaker 01 How fun.
29:58 Speaker 05 Hot Brother's here if you want to meet him.
30:00 Dax Shepard? We want to say hi.
30:01 Speaker 01 Of course we do.
30:03 Dax Shepard? Oh, yeah.
30:04 Speaker 01 Hot Brother.
30:04 Dax Shepard? Hot Brother is hot. How's it going?
30:07 Speaker 05 Right?
30:08 Speaker 01 Nice to meet you.
30:09 Speaker 06 Well.
30:10 Speaker 05 Star of the show over here.
30:12 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you snagged a good one.
30:13 Speaker 06 Thank you. Couldn't have happened without me.
30:18 Speaker 05 Yeah, thanks for Facebook messaging me.
30:21 Dax Shepard? All right. Well, nice to meet you all. That was great. Thank you so much.
30:24 Speaker 05 Nice to meet you too.
30:25 Dax Shepard? All right. Take care.
30:28 Dax Shepard? Hello, is this Matt?
30:30 Speaker 07 This is Matt, yes.
30:31 Dax Shepard? Nice to meet you, Matt. Where are you?
30:33 Speaker 07 I'm in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
30:34 Dax Shepard? Get the flying fuck out of here. Our last call was from Grand Rapids. Is your story gonna take place on Torch Lake?
30:41 Speaker 07 It's not gonna take on Torch Lake, but it is on the beach.
30:46 Dax Shepard? Good. Did you grow up there?
30:48 Speaker 07 Born and raised Grand Rapids, left for college for a little while, but then came back.
30:51 Speaker 01 Do you know Lara?
30:53 Dax Shepard? L A R A?
30:55 Speaker 01 Lara.
30:55 Speaker 07 I do know a Lara. I doubt it's her.
30:57 Dax Shepard? She lives by Gun Lake.
30:59 Speaker 07 The one I knew was from Luddington and then is now in Chicago.
31:02 Dax Shepard? I know Luddington. That's right by Sleeping Bear Dunes. Sorry, Monica.
31:09 Speaker 07 I knew we'd nerd out a little bit on geography. I got one for Monica. I have family who lives borderline Marietta and Kennesaw. They have three kids and their oldest son is a bulldog.
31:20 Speaker 01 Oh, and look, I'm wearing a bulldog shirt today.
31:23 Dax Shepard? Oh, my God, roll tide.
31:24 Speaker 07 That's perfect.
31:26 Speaker 01 What is wrong with you?
31:29 Dax Shepard? I just love that a hundred percent of the time I get a reaction. I'm wondering like when I won't.
31:36 Dax Shepard? Maybe it's a Michigan thing. We fucking love geography. Maybe because we're a state that shapes silly.
31:40 Speaker 01 That you wanna be mean and say a bad phrase?
31:43 Dax Shepard? No geography. What's the new thing I'm saying, though? Instead of, there's a new thing.
31:48 Speaker 01 Texas or something.
31:49 Dax Shepard? I don't know. Okay.
31:50 Speaker 01 Thing else horrible.
31:51 Speaker 07 Hook 'em horns?
31:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, ew. Yeah, all this is horrible.
31:57 Dax Shepard? Where did you go to school?
31:58 Speaker 07 I went to Purdue.
31:59 Dax Shepard? That's Indiana?
32:00 Speaker 07 Yeah, I went to Purdue with a lot of Chicagoland folks. I'm gonna include Robin this one. I've been to Hoffman Estates.
32:06 Speaker 01 You got us all.
32:08 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you really nailed this. And you went to the one place that could make Michigan seem exotic.
32:13 Speaker 07 Right, exactly.
32:14 Dax Shepard? Sorry, Indiana.
32:17 Speaker 01 Wow, you're really on.
32:18 Dax Shepard? Well, remember, we did interview. Someone from Indiana this week and he said he likes to claim Michigan. He lives in Gary or works in Gary. Remember he said that? He's like, I'd rather be known as being from Michigan, but I really live in Gary, Indy. Yeah. So they're in on it.
32:31 Speaker 07 We don't want to claim Gary.
32:33 Dax Shepard? Okay. So hit us with your 4th of July story.
32:35 Speaker 07 I was talking to some of my family members to try to remember exactly when this happened, but I'm going to place it somewhere between fifth and seventh grade. We have a family cottage out on Lake Michigan, just north of Holland. A lot of old cottages built on 50 foot wide lots and just everyone's stacked up against each other going up and down the lake shore there.
32:52 Dax Shepard? So fun.
32:53 Speaker 07 Amazing thing to grow up with. We would spend most 4th of Julys out there. My grandpa used to live out there full time. And so we'd go out there on 4th of July, the whole extended family would get together, aunts and uncles, cousins, and of course, we'd always be shooting off fireworks. And so I'm sure you guys are familiar with what we call the landings, but they're the decks that are built out over the dune. They're three, 400 feet away from the house built out over the sand dunes right next to the beach. So we're out there trying our best to shoot the fireworks out over the water. One errant bottle rocket took a left turn and hit some dune grass. Starts off, it's like, well, it's a little fire. It's maybe the size of someone's foot. My dad jumps into action. He hops off the deck, off the railing down to the dune grass,
33:38 Speaker 07 and he goes over and he's trying to stomp it out. And it's just not going out. The grass was so dry, it was just kept burning. So he's like, we need to sprint into action. He runs all the way up to the house. He gets a blanket, soaks it in water. By the time he gets back, this thing is just spread. It's like 20 foot by 20 foot.
33:54 Dax Shepard? Oh, yeah. I was gonna say, that's a lot of time to take to wet down a blanket.
33:58 Speaker 07 It's just engulfing the entire side of the dune and it's just spreading. And the funny thing is, the way the wind is blowing, it's blowing it south of us. So it's going away from our cottage and heading in the direction of our neighbors.
34:12 Speaker 01 Did you start this fire in Pasadena too?
34:16 Speaker 07 No, no, I didn't. I'm not gonna be held accountable for that one.
34:38 Speaker 07 So it's just spreading and spreading and spreading and trying to get up the blanket and we're like, oh, we're gonna need to do something. Maybe get some hoses out here.
34:44 Dax Shepard? No one's talking about calling the fire department.
34:46 Speaker 07 That's happening, but where we are in the lake shore is pretty far from civilization. It's gonna at least take them 20 minutes to get down there.
34:52 Dax Shepard? Right, right, okay.
34:54 Speaker 07 We got the call out to the fire department, but yeah, we're having to spring into action. And so my dad even looks over and he's like, well, the good news is underneath the deck, there's no grass, doesn't grow down there. So by the time the fire gets to the neighbor's deck, Lisa will slow it down a little bit. So everyone's running up, trying to grab some hoses and then as soon as the flames even just touch the neighbor's deck, just engulfs in flames.
35:16 Dax Shepard? Tinder boxing.
35:18 Speaker 07 I don't know if they had just stained it or what, but it just shoots up in flames. So it's just, we're all standing there just mouths agape and just being like, oh my goodness, what is happening?
35:30 Dax Shepard? Really quick, I just love when a dad's predictions are just immediately proven falls over and over again. No problem, I'll stop it. Oh shit, we're gonna need a blanket. No problem, get a blanket. Oh fuck, no, don't worry, the deck won't catch up.
35:42 Speaker 07 You know, when you're that age, you're like, my dad's an older guy. He knows what he's talking about. He's dealt with fire before.
35:47 Dax Shepard? Not his first rodeo?
35:49 Speaker 07 Nope, it just shot up in flames. Being that the houses are set back a good 400 feet, we were going to multiple neighbors' houses, stringing together hoses. Finally, finally got it down there and hosed everything down and got it under control, but the neighbor's deck, total loss.
36:07 Dax Shepard? Right off.
36:08 Speaker 07 Once we finally get it all out, that's when the firefighters roll up. They walk up and they're like, so how'd the fire start? And we're kind of sitting there being like, it's the 4th of July, fireworks. And the firefighter happened to be standing right next to a big bag of fireworks and he just looks to the side and he's like, like those fireworks right there? Like, yep, just like those ones right at your feet. In the end, our neighbor wasn't pleased, but the insurance paid the deductible and then he ended up building himself quite the luxurious deck.
36:37 Dax Shepard? Oh, okay. So kind of a win in the end.
36:40 Speaker 07 I think it came out good for him in the end.
36:41 Dax Shepard? Great.
36:42 Speaker 01 Oh, that's scary.
36:43 Dax Shepard? It just for the first time in my life occurred to me while you were telling that story. No firefighter has ever had the Fourth of July off, right? They must all be called in on the Fourth of July.
36:53 Speaker 07 Probably one of their biggest days.
36:54 Dax Shepard? And doctors. Although, as we just found out, the surgeons are not.
36:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's true. They take holidays.
37:00 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah. They're gonna enjoy it the Fourth.
37:03 Speaker 01 Wow. God, I'm glad you didn't burn down the whole state.
37:06 Dax Shepard? Yeah. It made me want to go so fucking bad to Lake Michigan in the summer. It's so fun.
37:12 Speaker 07 This time of year, that's where you want to be. It's so nice.
37:15 Dax Shepard? It almost makes the rest of the year worth it, but it doesn't.
37:19 Speaker 07 It's close. My wife and I are always joking. We're like, how can we get our lives to a point where we can just leave for a few months? Just January, February, just kind of get out of there.
37:29 Dax Shepard? Maybe even March, too. That's an annoying month because it's misleading.
37:34 Speaker 07 Yeah, you get the one 70 degree day and then it's just all of a sudden it snows again and you're like, I'm done with this.
37:39 Dax Shepard? Well, Matt, it's a delight to meet you. You're a good representative of the.
37:43 Speaker 01 Arsoness.
37:45 Speaker 07 When I was asking my family members to give their best recount of the story, I never had remembered who exactly lit off the firework, but apparently it's been an ongoing feud between my dad and my brother. They both blame each other for starting the fire. At least I know my hands are clean.
38:00 Speaker 01 I'm gonna blame your dad.
38:02 Dax Shepard? I think we should blame fireworks. They're just highly unpredictable. Even if you're like the most skilled deployer of fireworks, they go sideways.
38:10 Speaker 07 This was a time when the good fireworks were not legal in Michigan. These were actually a haul from Indiana.
38:16 Dax Shepard? Yeah, that's what we do love about Indiana is you can buy M80s there.
38:20 Speaker 07 Exactly.
38:22 Dax Shepard? Monica, you would get a bang on. Is it like this in Georgia? All along the Michigan-Indiana border, anywhere where there's a border, it's just endless fireworks stands.
38:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:32 Dax Shepard? They're clearly just selling to Michiganders.
38:34 Speaker 07 Now we have it in the reverse where we have all the cannabis stores along the border because it's still not legal in Indiana.
38:40 Dax Shepard? There should be a little swap. They should bring up a bunch of fireworks and trade it for weed.
38:43 Speaker 01 Barter system.
38:45 Dax Shepard? Well, delightful meeting you, man. I hope you have a wonderful Fourth this year.
38:49 Speaker 07 Hopefully less fires.
38:50 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
38:51 Speaker 01 Fingers crossed.
38:51 Dax Shepard? All right. Take care, brother.
38:53 Speaker 07 See you later. Bye.
38:55 Speaker 01 Two Michiganders.
38:57 Dax Shepard? I wouldn't be shocked if we get a third.
38:58 Speaker 01 Oh. Let's get some southern blood in here.
39:03 Dax Shepard? Kevin, can you hear us?
39:05 Speaker 02 This is really happening.
39:06 Dax Shepard? Oh.
39:06 Speaker 01 Hi.
39:07 Dax Shepard? You sound spectacular, Kevin.
39:09 Speaker 01 You do sound clear.
39:10 Dax Shepard? Tell me about this headset. Are you a gamer?
39:12 Speaker 02 My sons. I am a gamer, but too much of a parent for that nowadays.
39:15 Dax Shepard? Sure, sure, sure. And you got a model, good behavior.
39:19 Speaker 02 I try.
39:19 Dax Shepard? What are the limits? A, I don't have boys, and B, I was like, there's no games in that. That's the one thing I'm gonna dig about. What are the limits for a boy?
39:26 Speaker 02 Violence and sexuality, depending on, like, my oldest is 14, my middle is 11, and then I've got a daughter too. Fortnite's okay, but Call of Duty is a little too much.
39:36 Dax Shepard? Okay.
39:36 Speaker 01 Got it.
39:37 Dax Shepard? Okay. Where are you at?
39:38 Speaker 02 I'm in Cincinnati. I'm 400 miles, about four hours or so, from Cedar Point.
39:43 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
39:46 Dax Shepard? Cincy, I-75.
39:48 Speaker 01 How often do you go?
39:49 Speaker 02 Not very often. We have another amusement park close by.
39:51 Dax Shepard? Kings Island?
39:52 Speaker 02 Very good.
39:53 Dax Shepard? Yes, yes, yes.
39:56 Dax Shepard? The Beast.
39:57 Speaker 01 Is that a Six Flags one?
39:58 Speaker 02 It's a Cedar Point property. It's not Cedar Point, but the same ownership group.
40:02 Speaker 01 Which I think is Six Flags.
40:03 Dax Shepard? Well, now they've merged. Well, somebody correct. It was a merger, not an acquisition.
40:08 Speaker 01 I choose not to take that.
40:11 Dax Shepard? Okay, so you have a crazy 4th of July story?
40:13 Speaker 02 I do. So, my family grew up in the East Coast, moved to Ohio, my dad got transferred down to elementary school. We were always 4th of July people. My sister's birthday was July 4th. Hundreds of dollars every year on fireworks and a big show and a big party, and it was our rager. So, in 2020, after years of looking, I was able to secure, basically, the bigger fireworks. So, they sell the 1-inch version. I got a 2 and a 3-inch version of the mortars.
40:38 Speaker 01 Teach me about mortars.
40:39 Dax Shepard? Yeah, so for people who don't know, it's a long tube, and that's empty. And then you drop in this ball, and you've lit the wick, and it explodes and propels up into the air. But you're reusing this mortar tube over and over again.
40:51 Speaker 01 Okay.
40:51 Speaker 02 So, the ones they sell retail are about an inch. They're like a golf ball. I was able to procure through people double the size and triple the size of that, after years of trying.
41:01 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I got some of those in Wyoming. They're pretty loosey-goosey there with those.
41:04 Speaker 02 They're intense. So the added layer to all of this is my sister's birthday was July 4th. She was diagnosed with cancer, so we're talking 2020. She's been sick a couple of years, so it became that much more intense of a year just to have a good time.
41:17 Dax Shepard? Yes.
41:17 Speaker 02 My parents have a lot of acres. We're about 200 feet from any building, lighting things off. And the fuse on the big ones is really fast, like instantaneous breath. So we rigged them so we could light a sorter fuse and run away. And the first one we tried didn't work. So one of the guests at the party is like, that's weird. Takes it into the barn, which is a 30 by 40 foot pole barn. Yep, you already got it.
41:38 Dax Shepard? Metal or wood?
41:39 Speaker 02 Metal. Well, it's got wood struts, but it's like a kit, basically. But it's big. Cuts off three inches of wick, holds him in a pair of pliers and decides to light it because he wants to see how fast this thing really goes off.
41:52 Dax Shepard? Okay.
41:53 Speaker 02 It burns instantaneously, right through the piece he's holding. And catches the one that he cut it off of that's sitting on the table in front of him.
42:02 Speaker 01 Oh.
42:02 Speaker 02 And sets it off.
42:03 Dax Shepard? Oh.
42:04 Speaker 02 I'm 200 feet away, happen to be walking towards the golf cart, which is between me and the barn. And I see the explosion.
42:11 Dax Shepard? Oh, wow.
42:12 Speaker 02 So this is just the piece that's supposed to launch it in the air. And I see it go off and I dead sprint to the barn. Just as I'm about halfway there, the actual firework goes off. And I see flames come out of the ceiling.
42:25 Dax Shepard? Oh.
42:26 Speaker 02 I see the largest explosion I've ever seen in my entire life.
42:29 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
42:30 Speaker 02 Inside an enclosed space.
42:32 Speaker 01 And he's in there.
42:33 Speaker 02 I didn't know who was in there. So the whole family's next to the barn. They're, you know, 50 feet away, outside, but sitting there. So we're thinking we're safe, we're really far away, suiting off all this stuff. I get through the door into the barn, place is filled with smoke. I'm looking on the ground, thinking that's where I'm going to see anybody. Nothing. There's a compressor that all of the lines got destroyed. So the compressor's running and you see air hissing and hear it. It looked like a war zone.
43:01 Speaker 02 I start screaming, get away from the barn, get away from the barn. Because there's gas, there's diesel, there's oil. They have a farm, so there's farm equipment in it. I get out the other side. My uncle's there being tended to by my aunt and my brother-in-law. Everyone else is cleared away. So luckily, not for him, it went off. It hit him instead of going into the fuel room that was behind him.
43:23 Dax Shepard? Oh, he ruined the day and saved the day.
43:26 Speaker 02 There were other fireworks on the table that also went off.
43:30 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
43:31 Speaker 02 So the second explosion was both the large firework going off and a whole bunch of what are essentially M80s also going off.
43:39 Dax Shepard? Wow.
43:40 Speaker 02 So I think I send a couple of pictures.
43:42 Speaker 01 Oh.
43:42 Dax Shepard? Oh, let's see. I've seen footage of actual firework factories that have caught on fire and that is really spectacular.
43:50 Speaker 01 Oh no.
43:51 Dax Shepard? Oh yeah, there's, I'm just gonna count. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15. 16 mortar tubes here. You're overly armed for this holiday.
44:03 Speaker 02 You can see the legs of the stool next to it.
44:05 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
44:06 Speaker 02 That was sitting on the stool. The explosion went off on the floor. That bare spot is where that tile used to be. All of the ceiling tiles got blown out. There's actual scorch marks on the wood on the roof from where the fireball left the building and scorched the wood.
44:21 Speaker 01 Oh.
44:22 Dax Shepard? What kind of damage did the perpetrator of this crime endure?
44:25 Speaker 02 He was okay. He was feeling it for several days. He had a pretty good bruise, no internal bleeding, thankfully. We had some people in the medical field that were there to tend to him the day of. But at the time, my kids were four, seven, and nine. So they were right there and for several years, we stopped with fireworks.
44:44 Speaker 01 Uh huh, took a break.
44:45 Speaker 02 We didn't attend anymore. But after years of trying, I finally get my hands on something that's really powerful and I get to watch it go off inside a barn.
44:52 Dax Shepard? And the guy who did it, was he a family member or did he marry in?
44:55 Speaker 02 He was a family member.
44:56 Dax Shepard? Oh, thank god.
44:57 Speaker 02 And he felt awful. He paid for all the damage. He obviously literally felt awful.
45:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:02 Dax Shepard? But if you were like a son-in-law and you pulled that shit or a brother-in-law, that would be rough.
45:08 Speaker 02 It was my sister's birthday and it ended up being her last birthday.
45:11 Speaker 01 Oh, man. Well, I mean, it was memorable.
45:15 Speaker 02 It was memorable. We didn't touch fireworks for a couple of years. The kids still all remember it. Yeah, remember when the barn blew up?
45:22 Speaker 02 And my oldest, his survival instinct kicked in because I was yelling, get away from the barn, thinking, you know, it's gonna catch on fire. And he just took off.
45:29 Speaker 01 Good for him.
45:30 Speaker 02 So my wife grabbed the younger two and carried them and is like, where's the oldest? He was already standing in the garage. Everyone's ears were ringing. People couldn't hear. Don't mess with fireworks. Now, no fireworks go inside the barn. It's all outside.
45:43 Dax Shepard? I can only be so judgmental because I did the similar situation on New Year's Eve. The mortar fell over right before it shot and then, yeah, all fucking hell broke loose.
45:54 Speaker 02 This is how intense we are. My dad had stainless steel tubes built. So if you put the mortar in upside down, it just goes ping. It won't break it.
46:01 Dax Shepard? Oh, yeah, okay.
46:04 Speaker 01 Maybe we stick with the legal one.
46:07 Dax Shepard? Maybe some sparklers, you know?
46:08 Speaker 01 Or some regular old sparklers.
46:11 Speaker 02 The legal ones are legal for a reason.
46:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's right.
46:15 Dax Shepard? What are your plans this year?
46:17 Speaker 02 We'll go up to my parents' house and probably do something a little more tame than usual, but they've got a pool and dogs and go-karts.
46:23 Dax Shepard? Oh, go-karts, yes. Well, Kevin, great meeting you.
46:26 Speaker 01 Yes, have a happy fourth.
46:28 Dax Shepard? Yeah, have a happy fourth. Enjoy the summer.
46:30 Speaker 02 You too. Thank you.
46:31 Dax Shepard? Take care, brother.
46:33 Speaker 01 You really can do some damage with these fireworks. This is also cautionary tale.
46:38 Dax Shepard? You know, high reward, high risk.
46:40 Speaker 01 Mainly high risk.
46:41 Dax Shepard? I love fireworks.
46:42 Speaker 01 I love fireworks at a big place.
46:46 Dax Shepard? At a city, like a municipal firework display.
46:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, we went in Michigan to some nice ones.
46:51 Dax Shepard? Oh, the best.
46:53 Speaker 01 Those were nice, yeah.
46:54 Dax Shepard? The absolute best in Benton Harbor, I think. They were going off over the pier, that long pier. We were sitting on the beach. That might be one of my very favorite. I'm gonna say my favorite.
47:03 Speaker 01 Wow.
47:04 Dax Shepard? That was so kind of enchanted, storybook, dreamy.
47:07 Speaker 01 Very storybook.
47:08 Dax Shepard? It looked like a set. Like, if they were gonna make a movie and the family had the nice fire, that would be it.
47:13 Speaker 01 Yeah. We also, in the town, they would always do it at this place. Called River Glen. That's not what it's called.
47:20 Dax Shepard? In Duluth?
47:21 Speaker 01 Yeah. So the whole town would go and you'd go early and you'd set up your picnics and you hang out all day in your blanket. And then the fireworks would start.
47:29 Dax Shepard? Yeah. It's a fun holiday.
47:31 Speaker 01 It is.
47:32 Dax Shepard? Well, enjoy, everybody. Enjoy your Fourth of July. We love you.
47:35 Speaker 01 Be safe and be happy.
47:38 Dax Shepard? And get a little wild, so it's memorable.
47:39 Speaker 01 In a safe way.
47:40 Dax Shepard? Okay.
47:41 Speaker 01 All right.
47:41 Dax Shepard? Bye.
47:44 Dax Shepard? Do you want to sing a tune or something? We have a theme song. Oh. Okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. On the fly, Rhyme Dish. On the fly, Rhyme Dish. Enjoy.
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