You Can't See Anything! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Watch AMERICAN GARBAGE: https://youtu.be/77zGwlLffWk?si=6E9dBr63JY7HgP9t AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Rocket Money: Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://www. RocketMoney.com/GARBAGE Promo Code: GARBAGE Blueprint: For a limited time only, new customers get 20% off + free shipping at https://blueprint.bryanjohnson.com by using code GARBAGE at checkout. Undrdog: Our listeners get up to 30% off their entire order at https://Undrdog.com. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Oh baby, New York City, New York. We just added a show over there at Gotham Comedy Club for Saturday, November 14th. Grab your tickets.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Yes, Friday night's sold out. There's still some tickets for the late show Friday, but get them, get them Saturday. The boys are coming. Bring the squad. Let's go.

• 0:16H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 0:17Speaker 02

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:37H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:44Speaker 01

  You better believe it.

• 0:45H. Foley?

  It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're going to be classy.

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:50H. Foley?

  They're just a big old piece of trash.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 0:52H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. Well, actually, I don't really know. I can't see, but I hear it's nice. We're out back here at Toody's in the new addition. She's upstairs worried sick about me.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03H. Foley?

  Worried.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  I think a lot of people are.

• 1:07H. Foley?

  Not my eyes.

• 1:08Speaker 01

  If we're being honest, I'm one of them. We've been talking.

• 1:13H. Foley?

  Hey, this broad's tied to me.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:15H. Foley?

  I tank, and we're done. I gotta keep my eyes. Work on film, television, things like that.

• 1:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22H. Foley?

  Whenever those offers come in. My cousin's coming at you from-

• 1:26Speaker 01

  Now, I don't want to service him, right?

• 1:28H. Foley?

  My cousin's coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He's an international businessman. He has some money in the market, right?

• 1:36Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:36H. Foley?

  You said you were moving some stuff around. You had some things going on.

• 1:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, but he's-

• 1:41H. Foley?

  Some hot stuff.

• 1:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, but no, it's not.

• 1:43H. Foley?

  Something about, uh, data centers or something?

• 1:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm pro data center dude, obviously.

• 1:50H. Foley?

  He's also a father, loving husband, homeowner.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  Hey, broke off. Fucking speed it up, will you? What the fuck?

• 1:58H. Foley?

  What else does it say here?

• 2:00Speaker 01

  You just switch eyes.

• 2:02H. Foley?

  Kevin Ryan, everybody.

• 2:04Speaker 01

  What up Cyclops? Uh, shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in.

• 2:07H. Foley?

  I'm gonna eat Luke.

• 2:08Speaker 01

  As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify and the boys are climbing the freaking charts, baby.

• 2:16H. Foley?

  Yes, we are.

• 2:17Speaker 01

  It's a fucking strong, solid program.

• 2:19H. Foley?

  Industry leader.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, yes, we are in something, I'm sure. In eye patches. We're fucking, we're ahead of the market, dude.

• 2:26H. Foley?

  I'm host with eye patch.

• 2:27Speaker 01

  Fucking, I'm betting long money on eye patches. We should start selling eye patches.

• 2:31H. Foley?

  Oh, yes. AYG eye patches?

• 2:34Speaker 01

  That's pretty good.

• 2:34H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 2:35Speaker 01

  Um, shout, as, as always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. I just did that, I'm sorry. Uh, Patreon.com, the greatest website of all time. Go over there, you sign up, answer your garbage question on the air, and you get up to, I don't know, there's probably 500 episodes sitting there that you can consume. Maybe not 500, 400, something like that.

• 2:53H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 2:55Speaker 01

  Figure a hundred a year for four year, 400?

• 2:58H. Foley?

  Yeah. 400?

• 2:59Speaker 01

  400?

• 2:59H. Foley?

  400?

• 3:00Speaker 01

  400.

• 3:00H. Foley?

  You wanna charge me 400?

• 3:02Speaker 01

  This guy starts me 400 fricking calzones.

• 3:04H. Foley?

  You believe that?

• 3:05Speaker 01

  It's always, that's always real trashy whenever you use something other than dollars to emphasize it.

• 3:10H. Foley?

  I do have some news for you guys, something that most of us have long suspected. Um, I had to go to the eye doctor this morning. Shout out to Dr. Allen. Great doctor. You ever get a good doctor? He's like, alright.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking eye doctor and I've never been to an eye doctor.

• 3:25H. Foley?

  You've never been to an eye doctor?

• 3:27Speaker 01

  Uh uh.

• 3:27H. Foley?

  When's the last time you had your eyes checked?

• 3:29Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 3:30H. Foley?

  Huh. Did you get that looked at?

• 3:33Speaker 01

  Hey.

• 3:34H. Foley?

  I'll take a look later.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  I think I'm doing alright, guy.

• 3:38H. Foley?

  They took out my, um-

• 3:39Speaker 01

  Eyeball?

• 3:40H. Foley?

  No.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  Retina?

• 3:41H. Foley?

  I'm worried about that.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  Cornia?

• 3:42H. Foley?

  I said, could I lose my eye?

• 3:45Speaker 01

  Where the hell is that?

• 3:48Speaker 01

  It was around here somewhere.

• 3:50H. Foley?

  Ah, damn it. Luke's playing with it. Um-

• 3:54Speaker 01

  Dog's got it. Wash it off. Pop it back in.

• 3:57H. Foley?

  Hans, get back here.

• 3:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:59H. Foley?

  Um, uh, great doctor.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  Hey, what do you say when you lose the eye? Let's get to the turn. I don't give a fuck about the doctor.

• 4:05H. Foley?

  He said no.

• 4:06Speaker 01

  What's the, what's the, what's the-

• 4:08H. Foley?

  I just gotta make sure it doesn't get infected.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  Or what if it does? Could be staph.

• 4:11H. Foley?

  Shut up. What? Don't say that. That's how Rosie almost lost her hand.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  O'Donnell?

• 4:17H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 4:17Speaker 01

  She almost lost her hand?

• 4:18H. Foley?

  Yeah, she had a fucking, went and got her, uh-

• 4:21Speaker 01

  Did you read that at your lesbian meetup group?

• 4:25H. Foley?

  Um, she went for, uh-

• 4:27Speaker 01

  A large comedian lesbian meetup group?

• 4:29H. Foley?

  She went for, uh, manicure and it got infected.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 4:33H. Foley?

  Staph infection scares me. Staph infection on a low-grade fever. You get a low-grade fever, you're dead.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  I got, I'm humming with a, with an LGF right now.

• 4:40H. Foley?

  You got a low-grade?

• 4:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:42H. Foley?

  What the fuck, man?

• 4:43Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 4:44H. Foley?

  My immune system's already weakened from my eye. You're gonna kill me. I'm an old man. Jesus Christ.

• 4:51Speaker 01

  My bad, dude.

• 4:53H. Foley?

  You're looking for something.

• 4:54Speaker 01

  What?

• 4:55H. Foley?

  Yeah, you were doing something. I felt your Terminator skin going over me, looking at my shirt, my chin. You were, you were gonna take a shot. This guy was about to fucking pop me. And you had nothing.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  No, I had about 15 left.

• 5:09H. Foley?

  Tell me.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  No.

• 5:10H. Foley?

  What?

• 5:10Speaker 01

  We're moving on. We're being, we're being, we're being cordial. We're being nice. We're being friends right now, okay, guy? Alright?

• 5:17H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 5:18Speaker 01

  So what did doctor, what did Gigi Allen have to say?

• 5:20H. Foley?

  Well, he said, uh, who's Gigi Allen?

• 5:23Speaker 01

  Fucking Gigi Allen.

• 5:24H. Foley?

  Who's that?

• 5:25Speaker 01

  Uh, he's a punk singer or something, right? The Ramones?

• 5:29H. Foley?

  No.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  No, I'm just kidding. American punk rock singer. Yeah.

• 5:32H. Foley?

  American punk rock. I'll get you a quick one.

• 5:33Speaker 01

  He would be like the guy, like, he'd show up to the show and then like shit his pants and punch a fan or something. It was like wild, I think. Ask Ian Ewan though.

• 5:41H. Foley?

  I've had to do that to Gotham shows. Tickets still available. Come see us at Gotham.

• 5:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, just added a show at Gotham.

• 5:47H. Foley?

  Oh, we did?

• 5:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, we did. Thanks. Thanks for snoozing through the board meeting.

• 5:50H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  Uh, we just added a show Saturday night. Hide the man. These tickets are gonna go quick, so get them. Maybe they will, maybe they won't. I don't know. Get them.

• 5:59H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 6:01H. Foley?

  New business model. Hands off the reins. I like him.

• 6:04Speaker 01

  Sold the van.

• 6:05H. Foley?

  Sold the van.

• 6:07Speaker 01

  George's dead, call me back.

• 6:09H. Foley?

  Henry's dead, call me back, Patty. Uh-

• 6:12Speaker 01

  Do you think she'd call me?

• 6:13H. Foley?

  What?

• 6:14Speaker 01

  If I call, Patty doesn't have my number saved, or does she?

• 6:18H. Foley?

  She might. She always asks about you.

• 6:20Speaker 01

  Yes, she does.

• 6:21H. Foley?

  Yeah. How's Kevin? How's the baby?

• 6:23Speaker 01

  How is she, if I called with no caller ID, would she answer that?

• 6:28H. Foley?

  Hmm, I don't know. She might, cause it's a local number. You'd get a real big toot at first.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  Don't let that get off my long time-

• 6:37H. Foley?

  Hello? Who are you looking for?

• 6:39Speaker 01

  How'd you get this number?

• 6:40H. Foley?

  Oh, hi Kevin. Yeah, that's what you would get.

• 6:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:44H. Foley?

  Oh, if you called my mom and told her I was dead?

• 6:46Speaker 01

  No.

• 6:47H. Foley?

  Oh.

• 6:47Speaker 01

  What the, do you want me to do that?

• 6:49H. Foley?

  Please.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  Get her off my back for a couple of weeks.

• 6:55H. Foley?

  Uh, he said, um, it's healing well. Um, he's like, he's gotta worry about infection. They took out the, um, uh, bandage contact that he had in there. And, um, he said, you just gotta walk, just make sure you put the drops in. Do them the right way. I was doing it too much. I could've swore when I left-

• 7:13Speaker 01

  Proving them.

• 7:14H. Foley?

  I could've swore when I left, he said, do them two, every two hours. But he's like, no, I said four times a day. Lunch, dinner, breakfast.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  Late dinner?

• 7:23H. Foley?

  Fourth meal. And bedtime.

• 7:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, ice cream stack.

• 7:27H. Foley?

  And he's like, what time do you go to bed? And I was like, well, what am I, in the Air Force? I don't fucking know. I don't go to bed at the same time every night. I get up at different hours.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  Is the Air Force known for going to bed early?

• 7:36H. Foley?

  Well, they're just-

• 7:36Speaker 01

  Who's on watch at night?

• 7:38H. Foley?

  McCluskey. He's a good guy. Uh, he said this though. He said it right in front of the nurse, which I thought it was cool. He goes, man, you heal quick.

• 7:51H. Foley?

  Like a superhero. He's like, you heal quick.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 7:54H. Foley?

  So, yeah. My finally toed temple of a body.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  That's, I, yeah.

• 8:01H. Foley?

  Yeah, so I gotta go back and see him on Tuesday.

• 8:04Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 8:05H. Foley?

  Yeah. Early appointment. Don't want to interfere with that recording.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Okay, great.

• 8:09H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's the update on the eye. Sorry about the eye patch, everybody.

• 8:12Speaker 01

  Happy for you. That's great.

• 8:13H. Foley?

  Hmm. Thank you. I appreciate that.

• 8:17Speaker 01

  Uh, I got, I got something. Me and my wife have been bumping, a little bit of hard feelings, but very, in the trashy-

• 8:24H. Foley?

  Bumping?

• 8:25Speaker 01

  Trashy manner. Um, I tried to return something at Target. I'm not a return guy.

• 8:33H. Foley?

  Yeah, what's this all about? You've really changed.

• 8:36Speaker 01

  What?

• 8:36H. Foley?

  You've really changed.

• 8:37Speaker 01

  You should try it sometime.

• 8:39H. Foley?

  I know, I know. You've changed for the better.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  Uh, I'm trying. I'm trying. There's compromise, there's sacrifice, there's whatever, whatever.

• 8:46H. Foley?

  Not like any of that.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  No, so we were at Target, we had to return something to Target. We didn't have the receipt.

• 8:51H. Foley?

  Ooh.

• 8:52Speaker 01

  And it was a little bit on me, cause she's like, save that receipt when we bought it. And I, fuck, you're saving the receipt.

• 8:57H. Foley?

  What was it? Can you tell us?

• 8:58Speaker 01

  I go-

• 9:01H. Foley?

  Water pick.

• 9:02Speaker 01

  No, something for the baby, like a carrier or a harness, something, something-

• 9:06H. Foley?

  One of those Joy-Joys? What are they called? Ron-Joys?

• 9:09Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 9:10H. Foley?

  No, that's a Don-Joy. That's the, uh, people that make braces.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  That's Joe Coy.

• 9:13H. Foley?

  Joe Coy. Shout out to him. Guy loses tickets.

• 9:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, he does.

• 9:16H. Foley?

  You know, talking about the Jasper thing. The European bag you put the kid in. It's called something.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  I, I didn't know. I don't know the name. I don't, I'm not bad with names. I've like gone into full-

• 9:25H. Foley?

  I figured you would have that.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  I'm sure we do. I've gone into full dad mode. I don't know the teacher's names. I don't know-

• 9:31H. Foley?

  Ah, Baby Bjorn.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:32H. Foley?

  That's right.

• 9:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, yeah, I thought, okay.

• 9:34H. Foley?

  You have one of those?

• 9:35Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, it might've been one of those. Like a bigger one of those for his bulky size, for his husky, his husky frame.

• 9:43H. Foley?

  JanSport with holes in it?

• 9:45Speaker 01

  He's in a rucksack.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  Put him in one of those old, do they still have those baseball bags?

• 9:52H. Foley?

  Oh, I love those baseball-

• 9:53Speaker 01

  The big green canvas bags and you put like, it held 80 helmets, 15 bats, 500. I remember my dad pulling that out. Dude, that thing might as well had four bodies in it.

• 10:02H. Foley?

  I'm gonna carry that.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  Aw, dude, I'd be, I'd be six dragging it to my brother's baseball game. Um-

• 10:07H. Foley?

  One bat. Everybody share it.

• 10:11Speaker 01

  But, uh, so I gotta return, I, she brings, we go to Target, she brings whatever this item is.

• 10:17H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:18Speaker 01

  Unbeknownst to me.

• 10:19H. Foley?

  City Target? Oh!

• 10:21Speaker 01

  No, Burb's Target.

• 10:22H. Foley?

  Oh, she says, "Hey, let's go to Target."

• 10:24Speaker 01

  We're going to Target. I didn't know she snuck this in.

• 10:26H. Foley?

  Oh, that's a fucking bamboozle.

• 10:28Speaker 01

  Right, so you check out and, and returns are at the customer service desk.

• 10:35H. Foley?

  I've been to the customer service desk about twice in my life.

• 10:38Speaker 01

  I know.

• 10:39H. Foley?

  And I was using it to get cigarettes.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  Ah, yeah, you gotta go, you gotta go over to the customer service desk to get the heaters at a, it used to be, I had to go over to a grocery store to get the heaters over there. Cause the, the, the kids weren't 18 or something, so they couldn't handle them.

• 10:52H. Foley?

  I don't like those people back there that work there.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  I was one of those guys.

• 10:55H. Foley?

  They're usually pretty mean. You work customer service?

• 10:57Speaker 01

  I was, I, I was, yeah, obviously a customer service representative, CSR, customer service specialist, something like that.

• 11:03H. Foley?

  Specialist?

• 11:03Speaker 01

  And I specialize in a lot of things.

• 11:05H. Foley?

  Give me my cigarettes, dickhead.

• 11:07Speaker 01

  Hey, I got one of them. I'm asking you, that's what I'm giving them to you. Are you gonna open that here? Are they for you?

• 11:11H. Foley?

  Yeah, there's one missing. New policy.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  Pay the Kippy tax. Uh, it's also very telling of the show and the life of the, the, the listeners are listening, and myself included, is, is, I, every time I'm checking out at Target, I get recognized by a guy in line at the customer service desk. He, I, you get like the fucking winced face, like, Kippy? How are you doing at Target? Every single time, there's, there's a guy arguing about returning something.

• 11:41H. Foley?

  I love it.

• 11:42Speaker 01

  But, so I go, she goes, "Let's just see if we can return this," or whatever.

• 11:48H. Foley?

  You bought it with a credit card, you can.

• 11:49Speaker 01

  I had lost my wallet.

• 11:52H. Foley?

  The very wallet he would have used that had his credit card in it.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 11:56H. Foley?

  I assume.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I don't have any of my cards.

• 11:59H. Foley?

  You still didn't get that all straightened out?

• 12:00Speaker 01

  I'm all straightened out, but this, this is like two weeks ago. And I don't have, they're different cards. They can't swipe the card and go.

• 12:05H. Foley?

  You get your license back?

• 12:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, did that in the mail. Did it online, mailed it right to.

• 12:09H. Foley?

  They say you copy.

• 12:11Speaker 01

  Uh, no, I think I renewed.

• 12:13H. Foley?

  In, in the mail?

• 12:14Speaker 01

  In the mail, yeah.

• 12:15H. Foley?

  Look at you, good shit.

• 12:16Speaker 01

  Thanks. Um, but, so she go, I, dude, we looked like the biggest crackheads in the world. We have a product, no receipt. She goes, "Open." Open. She goes, "Okay."

• 12:30H. Foley?

  Baby, no baby?

• 12:31Speaker 01

  Baby, I'm assuming. If we were both there, maybe he was in the car, I don't know.

• 12:35H. Foley?

  Matches up the story.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  But we're going, she goes, and I saw her put it together that we stole this item, the old, the little old lady behind the counter. She goes, "Okay, do you have the receipt?" I go, "No, we don't." And I did the thing where I came in, I go, "Listen, I don't have the receipt and I don't have," and then she goes, "Well, do you have the credit card?" I go, "I don't have the credit card." She goes, "Well, we can't," she's like, "You have no proof of purchase?"

• 13:00H. Foley?

  Can you give her the credit card number? Do you know your credit card number off the top of your head?

• 13:04Speaker 01

  Mm-mm. And it's canceled. All that stuff's canceled. Deactivated.

• 13:08H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  So she's like.

• 13:10H. Foley?

  This card's been deactivated, sir.

• 13:11Speaker 01

  You've heard that before, huh?

• 13:13H. Foley?

  Yes, I have. Recently.

• 13:15Speaker 01

  Your brain has been deactivated, sir. Um.

• 13:17H. Foley?

  Fell out of my eye.

• 13:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then I just saw her go like, "Well, we can't, do you know any, do you have anything ever? Do you know when you bought it?" "No." She's like, "Did you buy it here?" And I was just like.

• 13:33H. Foley?

  Did you?

• 13:34Speaker 01

  I think so. I don't know.

• 13:35H. Foley?

  What do you mean? Does the wife know?

• 13:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, we did buy it, but now I'm going, I'm so embarrassed. I, dude, my embarrassment level is through the roof, as the kids say.

• 13:44H. Foley?

  Let me get a soft pretzel and I'll get out of your hair.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  I know. So I was just like, "Well, come back." And she's like, "Well, do you want me to see if I can get my manager?" I go, "Nope, we are not running this up the flagpole. We gotta get the fuck out of here."

• 13:54H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  It was.

• 13:55H. Foley?

  Was, was the missus happy with that? No, she wanted to probably fall through.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  She was, she's okay in that situation.

• 14:01H. Foley?

  Can I get a number on the actual retail price of the item? 50 bucks?

• 14:06Speaker 01

  Nah, probably closer to a hunch.

• 14:08H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 14:08Speaker 01

  But I'd go, and this is the way I feel with baby stuff, donate it. I go, "There's so many moms in need, families in need, that can't," I go.

• 14:17H. Foley?

  Podcasters.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, the podcasters, I come in, you're wearing it tomorrow, you got diesel in it. I go, "Give it to," I'm not saying, "Hey, let's burn it and trash it."

• 14:26H. Foley?

  Drop it off at a firehouse.

• 14:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, give it to somebody who, who can benefit from it. That's my, that's my thing.

• 14:30H. Foley?

  How do they get roped into getting free babies?

• 14:33Speaker 01

  I don't think there's free babies.

• 14:34H. Foley?

  You know what I mean. Well, it's always a firehouse. Why don't the police?

• 14:37Speaker 01

  Cause I think it's always there. Oh yeah, police, always the kids.

• 14:39H. Foley?

  There's always, well, there's always someone at the police station, too.

• 14:41Speaker 01

  Hey, look that up. I don't know. I'm sure, I think, I think, I, I, I think under the guise of like, you'll leaving the baby is kind of criminal, maybe?

• 14:51H. Foley?

  Oh, is it?

• 14:52Speaker 01

  Like, I don't think the, the, the, the fire department can arrest you. Like, if you get caught doing it.

• 14:57H. Foley?

  Probably one of theirs, huh? Those boys get after it.

• 15:00Speaker 01

  Mr. October, right?

• 15:01H. Foley?

  Shout out to the FDNY.

• 15:02Speaker 03

  Uh, parents leave babies at fire stations under safe haven laws and Y Fire Station's medical training, no fear of arrests, a big one. Um, it says 24/7 availability, and then I think the safe haven baby program.

• 15:18H. Foley?

  Plus maybe you get a bowl of spaghetti.

• 15:20Speaker 01

  Got something going.

• 15:21H. Foley?

  Well, Chowsky's up there cooking.

• 15:22Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 15:23H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 15:23Speaker 01

  Well, Chowsky, he's known for his Sunday Ragout.

• 15:26H. Foley?

  I seen those guys in the grocery store.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:29H. Foley?

  Man.

• 15:30Speaker 01

  They do, I don't know, I don't know if they take the fire.

• 15:33H. Foley?

  Wiping them off like flies. Hey!

• 15:34Speaker 01

  I don't know if they take the fire truck.

• 15:37H. Foley?

  How they do?

• 15:37Speaker 01

  To go food shopping if they're out and they go, "Let's stop by."

• 15:41H. Foley?

  Yeah, they stop.

• 15:41Speaker 01

  But they do. Two of them pull up. I, I, I say in the picture, "They let me and the baby get in."

• 15:47H. Foley?

  I saw that.

• 15:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, cause I was waving, we were like, I go, "Oh, look, the fire," big truck guy. I go, "Oh, look, the fire truck, the fire truck." Guy hopped out and goes.

• 15:54H. Foley?

  Was it moving?

• 15:55Speaker 01

  No.

• 15:56H. Foley?

  What? Where were they?

• 15:57Speaker 01

  They were parked up, they were going to Starbucks. Two trucks.

• 16:00H. Foley?

  You're lying.

• 16:01Speaker 01

  Swear to God.

• 16:01H. Foley?

  Starbucks?

• 16:03Speaker 01

  Beesers. I think they were coming, they were just coming from a call, probably.

• 16:06H. Foley?

  That's our West Side Fireman right there.

• 16:09Speaker 01

  This is the Heights.

• 16:12H. Foley?

  I wonder if they weren't going to La Colombe, or Mufongo.

• 16:15Speaker 01

  Um, but he hopped out, I go, "Oh, look, we're a truck, truck," he's pointing, "truck, truck, truck." So the guy goes, "You wanna get in?"

• 16:23H. Foley?

  What? You pushed the baby out of the way?

• 16:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, "Can I drive?"

• 16:28Speaker 01

  "Hey, give me your hat real quick." Yeah, we hopped in, he let us in. He didn't get it.

• 16:32H. Foley?

  No shit?

• 16:33Speaker 01

  The baby didn't really get what was going on.

• 16:35H. Foley?

  You got in there.

• 16:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's like, I was like, "Can you take a picture?" And he's like, "Yeah, I'm fucking boasting, I'm doing nothing." I'm all jacked up. "You got an axe I can hold?" Hey, get me putting the hose through my legs.

• 16:46H. Foley?

  Now, is that emasculating for you at all?

• 16:48Speaker 01

  A little bit.

• 16:49H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  I mean, but also not. When you're, li, listen, eh, yeah, the kid, you, all that goes, you can't be like, "I look like a bitch." When you're like, "I can put my fucking kid in a fire truck."

• 17:00H. Foley?

  I didn't mean like meeting Aaron Judge when we met him. I was about to fucking fight him.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  Right, you're about to bend over and give it up.

• 17:06H. Foley?

  Good-looking man. Like a superhero, actually.

• 17:10Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 17:11H. Foley?

  Kevin, tell me about Rocket Money.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  Rocket Money!

• 17:14H. Foley?

  Now, gang, if you got unwanted subscriptions out there and you don't know where they are, I just keep, you know, you get the, get the statement at the end of the month.

• 17:20Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 17:21H. Foley?

  And you, "What the fuck is 695? Where's that coming from?"

• 17:24Speaker 01

  I didn't realize I was paying for a boner of the month club.

• 17:27H. Foley?

  Get yourself Rocket Money, finds them, eliminates them, kills them dead.

• 17:32Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 17:32H. Foley?

  Gets them out of there.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  Yes. Uh, Rocket Money can track your subscriptions, has the ability to cancel unwanted subscriptions within the app with just a few taps. I have used these features to cancel certain sites I will not mention publicly.

• 17:46H. Foley?

  H4.com?

• 17:47Speaker 01

  Cause I don't want any bad blood. But I have used it time and time again. And not only that feature I use, that feature got me in the door, and now I use, I use all of the app's features. I, I get the, I get the updates, "Hey, big transaction just hit, big withdrawal, deposit came in, uh, you spent this much more this week, you have these charges coming up." It, instead of guessing and all these things spinning around, it lets me know, it brings, it brings it to my doorstep, saying, "Hey, just a heads up, you got a couple two-tree things hitting today, you might wanna move some stuff around." Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, which I love, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings, which it has done for me.

• 18:33Speaker 01

  Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join rocketmoney.com/garbage. One more time, that's rocketmoney.com/garbage, rocketmoney.com/garbage.

• 18:40H. Foley?

  Do it. Kevin, tell me about Blueprint.

• 18:43Speaker 01

  Blueprint!

• 18:44H. Foley?

  I'm getting older. You know that. Yeah, getting older. I wanna have longevity. You know what I mean? I take the L-theanine, I take this, I take that. I don't know what the fuck, you know, what, what's the whole thing? I need something for focus, I need something for longevity, I need something for sleep, I need something for, uh, balance.

• 19:04Speaker 01

  Healthy aging.

• 19:05H. Foley?

  Healthy aging.

• 19:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:06H. Foley?

  You got the answer.

• 19:08Speaker 01

  It can be a minefield out there, gang, and there's a lot, listen, there's a lot going on in this supplement game.

• 19:13H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 19:13Speaker 01

  This, that.

• 19:15H. Foley?

  Peptides, peppin', this, that.

• 19:17Speaker 01

  You're getting all this kind of stuff. And Blueprint's longevity mix is it, baby. In a single scoop, you help support energy, cognitive performance, mood, focus, sleep, cellular resistance, and healthy agents with ingredients like, uh, magnesium, uh, glycine, creatine, and more. Blueprint is third-party tested, which is very important in the supplement game, for purity and toxins like heavy metals. They publish the results on their site, so you get the facts, so you can see exactly what's in their supplements. Uh, the founder, and if you haven't spent any time on, online in the past, uh, few years, you've seen the Blueprint's founder, Brian Johnson, the guy who's basically trying to live forever, or at least age better than the rest of us, and this is what he's using to tackle that stuff.

• 19:58Speaker 01

  Uh, Blueprint was nice enough to send us a couple two-tree supplements. I started it just to get going, figure it out, and, and help me, get me on the path to move to aging. As I get older, I'm at the, I'm 40 years old, I gotta watch my health. This has helped me push my, my, my health journey into the right, uh, position. It's science-backed, precision-dosed, no BS. For a limited time only, new customers get 20% off, woo, plus free shipping at blueprint.bryanjohnson.com by using the code GARBAGE at checkout. That's code GARBAGE at blueprint.bryanjohnson.com for 20% off. But if it's Black Friday, skip the code and take advantage of even bigger markdowns during their exclusive Black Friday sale. After you purchase, they're gonna ask how you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them the boy sent ya.

• 20:42Speaker 01

  Listen, your sexual proclivities are neither here nor there, my friend. We got a gosh darn family episode to get to. Uh, as I said, as I stated early in the program, when you join the old Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the air.

• 20:57H. Foley?

  That's right. Kevin James Ryan.

• 21:02H. Foley?

  And his fireman friends.

• 21:03Speaker 01

  Yes. I was like, ah, cool, man. And I hit him with a thank you for your ser- yeah, thank you for your service.

• 21:08H. Foley?

  Love the thank you for your service.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  And he goes, yeah, you know, it's just a job, man. Like something like this. It was like, he gave me like a, you know how like sometimes when people ask you about comedy, you have like the, hey, I say these four things. He hit me with those. And I was like, I get you, guy. You don't need to.

• 21:22H. Foley?

  I just tell him I'm unemployed. I'm not working right now.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  I'm actually between jobs at the moment. I'm finding myself in Ian's basement. Finding myself in jammed up.

• 21:36H. Foley?

  I'm a little jammed up right now.

• 21:37Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 21:38H. Foley?

  Yeah, it's good.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  I mean, we should get, we should sell an eye patch, right? I mean, that's kind of crazy.

• 21:44H. Foley?

  I saw this one. Autographed.

• 21:46Speaker 01

  With a little bit of stank on it. A little bit of pus. That's H. Foley pus right there.

• 21:53H. Foley?

  That's real H. Foley pus.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  All right, this one for, this is a great name, and I'm sorry it's at your expense, but it's just good.

• 22:03H. Foley?

  Mine?

• 22:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, it's not at Luke's expense.

• 22:09Speaker 01

  Uh, word is bond, and then in parentheses, unless you're Foley. That's pretty good, dude.

• 22:14H. Foley?

  What the hell, man? I have drug and alcohol problem.

• 22:17Speaker 01

  That's a good time.

• 22:20H. Foley?

  Funny.

• 22:20Speaker 01

  Um, $10 homie never had one read.

• 22:23H. Foley?

  Shout out.

• 22:23Speaker 01

  Are you garbage if you and your girlfriend only order one Diet Coke at restaurants because you get free refill? So why buy two sodas?

• 22:30H. Foley?

  Sure. Sure.

• 22:32Speaker 01

  That's tough. Now, I, uh, again, shameful for that kind of doing. I, I get that from my mom, the shameful for not having the money stuff. Like, you know, being in a position where you don't have money to returning, feeling embarrassed, not having the receipt. I get that from my mom. So I, in the only world I would do this and be kind of okay is like, we would get it. I would drink one whole drink, and then we'd ask for the refill, and then my wife would. I don't know if I, I would be too worried about getting caught.

• 23:01H. Foley?

  What do they do? They can't say nothing about that. That's your constitutional right.

• 23:06Speaker 01

  That's frowned on. That's the 15th amendment.

• 23:09H. Foley?

  Oh, I didn't fucking tell you this.

• 23:11Speaker 01

  The government's after me.

• 23:16H. Foley?

  About some nuclear weapons I put. I do look like a bad guy, huh?

• 23:20Speaker 01

  He don't look like a good guy. Have you been watching the episodes recently?

• 23:25Speaker 03

  Never have. You kind of look like the bad guy's rich kid to me.

• 23:29H. Foley?

  What, do I got the eye patch?

• 23:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:31Speaker 01

  No, listen, the shirt.

• 23:32H. Foley?

  I look like a keep, I look like a keep sharks.

• 23:35Speaker 01

  Keep sharks.

• 23:35H. Foley?

  I look like a rich.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  A little bit. Well, it's more like, uh, I don't know, that shirt.

• 23:40H. Foley?

  Hello, Mr. Ryan.

• 23:41Speaker 01

  You wear that shirt pretty well in the sense of like.

• 23:44H. Foley?

  I do. It's my new shirt.

• 23:46Speaker 01

  I get used to it, gang.

• 23:47H. Foley?

  I wore this to Tommy's wedding.

• 23:49Speaker 01

  Cool.

• 23:49H. Foley?

  I tucked it in.

• 23:50Speaker 01

  Uh-huh, okay.

• 23:52H. Foley?

  But now I wear it.

• 23:52Speaker 01

  I don't think you did defact that. That was your first offense. I tucked it in, obviously, if anybody asked. Or you see any picture to the contrary.

• 23:58H. Foley?

  Now I wear it casual. Fits great.

• 24:00Speaker 01

  Those are, those are great shirts. Those, that's, that's like a rich guy shirt.

• 24:04H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 24:05Speaker 01

  You're, you're like a fat business, in a good way. You're like a fat businessman who's like, kind of doing shady mortgages or something. You know what I mean?

• 24:13H. Foley?

  Which I've been thinking about getting into.

• 24:14Speaker 01

  There's a lot of cash in that. You do, you like, you flip stuff not to code type thing, you know what I mean? So you got a lot, you, you, you know, you, you, there's people call, you're, you're a very, you're like a checks in the mail vibes, which I like.

• 24:30H. Foley?

  I wish I would have known about all that shit before 2008.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  What?

• 24:33H. Foley?

  I could have got in on that shit.

• 24:35Speaker 01

  What?

• 24:36H. Foley?

  Like the two guys in, uh.

• 24:38Speaker 01

  These aren't, these aren't going to be heroes.

• 24:40H. Foley?

  The two guys in The Big Short that sold the stripper five houses.

• 24:43Speaker 03

  You didn't have, you didn't have the capital.

• 24:44H. Foley?

  The kid, I would have been a fucking real estate broker.

• 24:47Speaker 01

  Oh, you can be a real estate broker now.

• 24:49H. Foley?

  Why? Now it jigs up. There's no subprime mortgages.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  You could still make good, you'd probably be a pretty good, can, can we do that? I mean, of, of, uh, uh, of podcasting, stand-up, and Netflix fame, H. Foley Realtor.

• 25:05H. Foley?

  Ooh.

• 25:05Speaker 01

  People would be lining up to buy a fucking joint from you.

• 25:08H. Foley?

  Think Sirhan would hire me?

• 25:10Speaker 03

  Yes, definitely.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, that guy's in it for the clicks. Plus Chrissy Dean and him are, are boys.

• 25:14H. Foley?

  Get me in there.

• 25:15Speaker 01

  Why don't you start selling houses?

• 25:16H. Foley?

  Let's go!

• 25:17Speaker 01

  That's pretty good. How, how quick can we get them fucking registered?

• 25:20Speaker 03

  Forty-eight weeks.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  Forty-eight weeks?

• 25:22Speaker 03

  Four to eight. Four to eight weeks.

• 25:25Speaker 01

  Four, oh, forty. But you gotta pass the test.

• 25:27H. Foley?

  I'll pass the test.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  No, you won't.

• 25:29H. Foley?

  Yeah, I do. The door's here, windows are there. What else you gotta know?

• 25:32Speaker 03

  Part-time students usually need to retake the exam about three to six times.

• 25:35H. Foley?

  Fuck that.

• 25:36Speaker 01

  That's 82 times you gotta take it.

• 25:38H. Foley?

  What do they need to know? I'm not talking rental. I'm not doing houses, which I need a fucking, um, uh, uh, broker out there.

• 25:44Speaker 03

  The stated licensing, licensing exam, you need a passing score of 70%, multiple choice.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  Seventy-seven hour pre-licensing course. That's two to four weeks.

• 25:56H. Foley?

  I don't want to sell houses. Some fucking housewife in there busting my balls about the asbestos and the molding and shit.

• 26:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, but that's not you. That's the other, you don't own the house.

• 26:06H. Foley?

  I don't?

• 26:08H. Foley?

  I don't know how real estate works, really. I get a fee. I like that.

• 26:11Speaker 03

  Six percent, three percent?

• 26:14H. Foley?

  If I sell one of those Sirhan, uh, places, that was $45 million. I'd be, I'd sell one and get the fuck out. Fuck you, dude.

• 26:22Speaker 03

  Uh-huh.

• 26:23H. Foley?

  I'm rolling. Start my own company. That guy's a looker, I'll tell you that.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's got something, the, the gray hairs or something about them silver foxes.

• 26:32H. Foley?

  Sharp.

• 26:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:33H. Foley?

  Sharp. I wouldn't fit in there. I'd have to wear this shirt every day. I got a little cash.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  Just getting back on my feet, Sirhan. Is it cool if I crash in this penthouse for a couple of days?

• 26:44H. Foley?

  Waiting for payday. Three weeks? What the fuck, Sirhan? Tell him.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  I'm doing the work, dickhead. What the fuck is escrow?

• 26:53H. Foley?

  What's escrow? Oh, with the white beans?

• 26:56Speaker 01

  It's, you've made that joke before. My plan is fully, ah!

• 27:04Speaker 01

  It's like an account that money goes, it's like an in, in-between account. It's like you put money in, I put money, it's in escrow, I think.

• 27:11Speaker 03

  Both parties can see the money in the account, and no one's allowed to touch it, yeah.

• 27:15H. Foley?

  That's not happening.

• 27:17Speaker 01

  It's my money, and it's staying.

• 27:21H. Foley?

  In my shoe.

• 27:23Speaker 01

  He must be doing well.

• 27:24H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm. Big shoes.

• 27:27Speaker 01

  Their platform.

• 27:28H. Foley?

  I want to say this.

• 27:29Speaker 01

  Oh, please.

• 27:31H. Foley?

  Um, before we comment on, uh, on this, well, I don't think it's that trashy.

• 27:36Speaker 01

  Before we comment on this.

• 27:37H. Foley?

  I have, I have learned.

• 27:38Speaker 01

  Hey, what? Ordering one soda?

• 27:40H. Foley?

  In my.

• 27:41Speaker 01

  That's fucking trashy.

• 27:42H. Foley?

  In my Zepbound days, that you really just need to split something with somebody. You don't need to each get an app, you know, fucking a bunch of appetizers and fucking two entrees and shit like that. Just sharing an entree. Just sharing a sandwich.

• 27:56Speaker 01

  That's nowhere near the same thing.

• 27:59H. Foley?

  What do you mean?

• 28:00Speaker 01

  You know what I mean.

• 28:00H. Foley?

  You get one soda.

• 28:01Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 28:03H. Foley?

  Why am I paying for two Diet Cokes? Who's got that kind of money? When I get free one?

• 28:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, but inherently, they're free because they're selling two of them. You know what I mean? Like, that price model is based on.

• 28:21H. Foley?

  And who's still giving free refills, by the way?

• 28:23Speaker 01

  Most restaurants give ref, refills.

• 28:25H. Foley?

  They do?

• 28:25Speaker 01

  Chipotle's free refills. Chipotle, I'm fine because you're doing the work. But if you got a waiter running, see, you're a waiter. If you got a waiter running back refilling your fucking Diet Coke and you only bought one, that bill's lower. And you're probably going to stiff him on the fucking tip.

• 28:38H. Foley?

  I'm still going to grease him. I still grease.

• 28:40Speaker 01

  I know, but as a waiter, as a waiter, dude, you get mad, you, we just did a whole Patreon episode, how you got mad when people ask for water. And now you got, you got these two fucking dirt.

• 28:50H. Foley?

  They'll all pay.

• 28:50Speaker 01

  You got these two dirtbags splitting the Diet Coke, asking you for a refill every fucking 15 seconds. Think about how quick that Diet Coke goes, especially if you're eating something with a little Tabasco or something.

• 29:00H. Foley?

  Oh, heat on it.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  They're gonna be fucking, they're gonna have you running like you're in the fucking Wimbledon, dude. Uh, yeah, that, yeah, I don't think, I, all my personal things aside, I don't think it's fair to the waiter.

• 29:12Speaker 03

  The only angle is like, it's like a cutesy, kind of like, In-N-Out date night thing where you're like.

• 29:17H. Foley?

  Two straws and you're sipping it?

• 29:18Speaker 03

  Exactly to me, where it's like.

• 29:20Speaker 01

  But then you also, you each get a nice tea or something. You can't split a drink. You can't.

• 29:26H. Foley?

  All right. Yeah, I had a bartender at the New Orleans airport, when I was coming back from Tommy's wedding. Congratulations, Tommy, I love you.

• 29:34Speaker 01

  Shout out, Tommy.

• 29:36H. Foley?

  Uh.

• 29:37Speaker 01

  Beautiful couple.

• 29:37H. Foley?

  Beautiful, beautiful couple. Beautiful service. Everything was amazing. Um.

• 29:43H. Foley?

  Sitting at, we go to this bar, all right, Saturday, bar's empty. His old bag comes up, bird gets a Bud Light, something like that, and he says, what do you have? I was like, I'll have a Diet Coke. And she's like, uh, are you guys going to get something to eat? And I'm like, ah, we're not sure. She's like, you either have to order an alcoholic drink or order food. You can't just order a soda. And I was like, she's got a beer.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  I'll do a cut. He's starting a rack of ribs.

• 30:13H. Foley?

  All right, you want to play hardball?

• 30:14Speaker 01

  Lady, you just, you pull your eye patch off. Lady, you're fucked.

• 30:18H. Foley?

  You just fucked up.

• 30:20Speaker 01

  You better call in Joanne back there, too.

• 30:23H. Foley?

  Yeah. She's like, you have to order an alcohol, she's like, per person. And I'm like, what?

• 30:29H. Foley?

  Get the fuck out of here with that. I got a personal pan pizza. I can't drink. I didn't throw that in your face.

• 30:36Speaker 01

  I'm surprised you didn't.

• 30:40Speaker 01

  You got her gripped up, listen here, you dumb bitch. You don't think I want to fucking suck back a couple of fucking Bloody Marys right now? But I got a problem, okay?

• 30:49H. Foley?

  I didn't know you could say that.

• 30:50Speaker 01

  What?

• 30:50H. Foley?

  You can't, you tell somebody you can't order a soda at a bar, you sell it. You can't sit there with a sodie. Still gonna give you a nice tip.

• 30:58Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, I mean, listen, I don't agree with the policy. I can understand it if it's like limited seats.

• 31:06H. Foley?

  She was just having an attitude. She's probably having a bad day.

• 31:08Speaker 01

  Listen, I get that.

• 31:09H. Foley?

  Fucking taking it out on me, busting my balls.

• 31:12Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:13H. Foley?

  Oh, this is killing.

• 31:15Speaker 01

  She knows you're probably going to fucking run her back on the refill. You, you look like a bozo.

• 31:20H. Foley?

  I had a couple.

• 31:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, you, I know, you sit there, you, on paper.

• 31:24H. Foley?

  Had a lot of time, too.

• 31:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:26H. Foley?

  Great bad pizza.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  Love a great.

• 31:29H. Foley?

  Great.

• 31:29Speaker 01

  Love a great bad pizza.

• 31:31H. Foley?

  Yeah, it'll work. But still, initially, I was a bit of a bitch to her.

• 31:35Speaker 01

  No, you?

• 31:37H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  Here, he can be a shrewd bitch, you know that?

• 31:42H. Foley?

  Hmm. I don't have my drugs and alcohol, I guess.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  Sure. Even when you do, I've come to learn, you're not a great hang. Uh...

• 31:53H. Foley?

  It's more a personal thing between us, folks.

• 31:58Speaker 01

  That's the real feel.

• 32:00H. Foley?

  Um...

• 32:00Speaker 01

  It's chilly. This one, this is, uh, this is great. This is from Foley's Airbnb mugshot. Also, we're sitting on a bit of a bomb that we have not talked about.

• 32:09H. Foley?

  Oh, no. Please.

• 32:12Speaker 01

  Not bad. Not, it's not nothing new. Do you know the...

• 32:16H. Foley?

  We're sitting on a bomb?

• 32:18Speaker 01

  I, I, I got this information from, like, two weeks ago, maybe. Not a bad...

• 32:23H. Foley?

  Fuck. You know what this is?

• 32:24Speaker 03

  I forget.

• 32:26Speaker 01

  You know the Elizabeth Holmes documentary?

• 32:28H. Foley?

  I'm in it?

• 32:29Speaker 01

  No. You know the, you know the documentary?

• 32:31H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:32Speaker 01

  With Nathan Fielder?

• 32:33H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Heard it's doing very well.

• 32:34Speaker 03

  You can see everything.

• 32:35Speaker 01

  You can see everything. I haven't seen it yet.

• 32:37H. Foley?

  I can see everything?

• 32:38Speaker 01

  That's the name of it. You can see everything.

• 32:39H. Foley?

  Oh, okay. Because I can't see shit.

• 32:42Speaker 01

  The night before she goes to jail or whatever?

• 32:45H. Foley?

  Does blow.

• 32:46Speaker 01

  No. They stayed in our Austin Airbnb, and she stayed in your room.

• 32:52H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  How fucking crazy is that? There's a darkness in that joint that we stayed in.

• 32:57H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 32:58Speaker 01

  That's crazy. Looks like I'm sitting there watching, and like, we shot a podcast at the table that they fucking...

• 33:05H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 33:06Speaker 03

  It's wild.

• 33:07Speaker 01

  He goes, "She walks out of that room," and he's like, "I was like, what the fuck?"

• 33:11H. Foley?

  Did she stay there before me or after me?

• 33:13Speaker 03

  Before. Hot. Dark energy's drawn to that room.

• 33:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. You got a, you got a darkness in you, boy. She has an eye patch on.

• 33:24H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 33:24Speaker 01

  How crazy is that?

• 33:26H. Foley?

  Damn. The same place we stayed in where the, uh...

• 33:29Speaker 01

  You relapsed, that's what we're talking about.

• 33:31H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 33:32Speaker 03

  I was like, I've been gaslit in this house before, too.

• 33:35Speaker 01

  I've been lied at on camera in this house. I've also had a man lie to millions in this house.

• 33:44Speaker 01

  How wild is that?

• 33:45H. Foley?

  She stayed in my room, too.

• 33:47Speaker 01

  How nuts is this? That's like a seven...

• 33:48H. Foley?

  She's a first-floor girl. Shout out to her.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  Doesn't like the stairs. How crazy is that?

• 33:53H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 33:54Speaker 01

  All the gin joints in all the world.

• 33:56H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 33:58Speaker 01

  Hmm. What are like the, you know, a pivotal moment in this internet? It's just crazy.

• 34:03H. Foley?

  She in the can now?

• 34:05Speaker 01

  What, are you gonna go get arrested? What's up?

• 34:08H. Foley?

  Her stayed the same Airbnb. Is she in the joint?

• 34:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think she's still in it.

• 34:13H. Foley?

  When's she in there till?

• 34:14Speaker 03

  Uh, a couple more years or something.

• 34:15H. Foley?

  Ah, come on. What'd she do? She faked some blood tests or something like that?

• 34:20Speaker 01

  She stole like 1.8 billion dollars or something.

• 34:25Speaker 01

  Something like that.

• 34:26Speaker 03

  She's still got a good amount of time.

• 34:28Speaker 01

  Really?

• 34:29H. Foley?

  A good amount of time.

• 34:30Speaker 03

  Uh, actually, she's approved to transfer to a halfway house next year.

• 34:33H. Foley?

  Ooh, very nice. Love a halfway house.

• 34:35Speaker 01

  There's your shot.

• 34:38Speaker 01

  Maybe she could be at her Ian's.

• 34:41H. Foley?

  She got family.

• 34:43Speaker 01

  Uncle Hank.

• 34:44H. Foley?

  Hey, there he is.

• 34:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. Uh...

• 34:48H. Foley?

  That's wild.

• 34:49Speaker 01

  How crazy is that?

• 34:50H. Foley?

  Wild. Makes sense. The universe doesn't make mistakes.

• 34:56H. Foley?

  Someone that let me into it.

• 34:59Speaker 01

  Um, all right, let's see here. This one's from the Garbage Vale Kid. $10 beautiful, beautiful girl here, never had one read. Is it garbage to save the unfinished pot of coffee to drink the next morning? One minute in the microwave, it's good as new.

• 35:11H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  Um...

• 35:14H. Foley?

  I love it.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  Totally. I, I mean, are you putting it in...

• 35:20Speaker 01

  Because I've done the fucked up thing where... Are, are you putting it in the fridge?

• 35:25H. Foley?

  You can.

• 35:26Speaker 01

  You let it sit overnight?

• 35:27H. Foley?

  I know. Sometimes it gets a little mold on it.

• 35:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a, I mean, that's not a day, but yeah.

• 35:32H. Foley?

  You ever see those spores on top?

• 35:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, they, it's...

• 35:34H. Foley?

  Scares me.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  There's stuff, it's like spider web. It can, the, the top gets a film going pretty quick.

• 35:40H. Foley?

  Looks like Alien.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  I've done it. Uh, because it's such a functional thing, and sometimes like, uh, the, you know, you need it, and you're in the whatever, and it's there, and you go, fuck, it was sitting in the... But if you're conscious of it, and you throw it in the fridge, and then you microwave it, I'm okay with that. The microwave never gets it fully there for me, though. It doesn't fucking...

• 35:58H. Foley?

  You like a hot coffee?

• 35:58Speaker 01

  I like a hot cup of coffee, and it'll turn a corner for me.

• 36:01H. Foley?

  See, I like a cold brew. So I got no problem with that.

• 36:05Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 36:05H. Foley?

  I'll leave it in my car and get it the next day.

• 36:08Speaker 01

  During the cold, the cold winter time, sure.

• 36:10H. Foley?

  Hmm, whatever.

• 36:11Speaker 01

  Uh, I've, I mean, obviously, I've done it, but...

• 36:13H. Foley?

  I'll drink drinks that have been in my car for a couple of days, too. Like, if it's in there, and I'm like taking a pill or something, I'm washing it down.

• 36:20Speaker 01

  I took a pill in my car, yeah.

• 36:22H. Foley?

  And my prescription pills.

• 36:24Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 36:24H. Foley?

  Not anything...

• 36:26Speaker 03

  The more the coffee was, the colder.

• 36:30Speaker 01

  I was 10 years older, and I had an eye patch on for you.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  I'm working out with Kippy.

• 36:38Speaker 01

  Line saying everything is so cool.

• 36:40H. Foley?

  I drive a stolen car, just to prove? No?

• 36:44Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 36:44Speaker 03

  And I'm a big fat loser.

• 36:47H. Foley?

  What the hell? Hey, kick a man while I'm down, and I can't see ya. Wait till I get the side patch off, give you a fair one.

• 36:55Speaker 01

  Shoot the fade with you.

• 36:56H. Foley?

  Slap the shit out of ya.

• 36:59Speaker 01

  Fucking shoot, you shoot the one with ya. How you doing? Meet me in the bathroom. Um... All right, let's see here. Um... This one's from Joey Bag of Donuts. $10 homie, never had one read.

• 37:13H. Foley?

  Joey!

• 37:14Speaker 01

  Are you garbage if when referring to an item, you constantly mention the price? For example, where are my $80 sunglasses?

• 37:24H. Foley?

  Yeah. That's so fucking good.

• 37:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's really good. Uh, that's such a...

• 37:29H. Foley?

  Where are my $80 sunglasses?

• 37:30Speaker 01

  And also, 80's not even expen-, you know what I mean? Like, it's not even enough to be like, where are my $5,000 sunglasses? Or whatever, but like, that's a really good one.

• 37:39H. Foley?

  Love that.

• 37:40Speaker 01

  Um...

• 37:40H. Foley?

  God, that's good. That's garbage.

• 37:43Speaker 01

  What I would do is, I would, let's say they were, the sunglasses were $119

• 37:50H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:51Speaker 01

  that I can't find.

• 37:52H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:53Speaker 01

  I would go... I'd be looking in the house and going, "Nadine, have you seen my sunglasses?" If I'm a little peeved and being a bit of a bitch. "Have you seen my sunglasses? They were here. I saw them here two days ago."

• 38:07H. Foley?

  You definitely moved them and lost them, and she had nothing to do with it.

• 38:10Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 38:11H. Foley?

  I do that all the time. My first instinct is somebody stole them.

• 38:14Speaker 01

  But I would go, "They're $200, they're two, these are my $200 sunglasses."

• 38:18H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 38:19Speaker 01

  I round up by about 50%. And I start leading with that. And it's like, I go, I, I, I make, I raise the stakes by saying the price. I, I, okay, I guess we're just throwing away $200.

• 38:35H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 38:35Speaker 01

  I guess that's what we're doing.

• 38:36H. Foley?

  Get rid of 200 bucks, huh?

• 38:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:38H. Foley?

  If it was 200, would you throw it out then?

• 38:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:40H. Foley?

  Where are they?

• 38:42Speaker 01

  Meanwhile, they're on the baby's fucking vibe, eh? Yeah, I, I do that. I get, I get tense for no fucking reason.

• 38:48H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 38:49Speaker 01

  Sucks.

• 38:50H. Foley?

  It's, uh, through therapy, I've learned, it's, uh, it's just in us. Parents. You're the youngest. Got it as quick.

• 38:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:00H. Foley?

  Not blaming our parents.

• 39:01Speaker 01

  I yelled at the dog the other day, and the baby looked at me like, uh...

• 39:08H. Foley?

  Woo, this guy was cool a minute ago.

• 39:10Speaker 01

  Yeah. But the dog was going nuts at the mailman, so I'm trying, in the house, so I'm trying to like, match, play fire, I'm fighting fire with fire. I gotta be louder than Hans. I gotta show him I rule the roost.

• 39:20H. Foley?

  Alpha.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  Alpha this motherfucker.

• 39:22H. Foley?

  Yeah. You're gonna have to yell at the baby at some point. Not now, but like, so he's gonna do something.

• 39:27Speaker 01

  But I saw him, I mean, you've done, no, no, like, you know, sternly, I mean, right now, it's just, no, he's not doing anything, like, he's also not choosing to do any, like, he doesn't know I wanna do, like, he doesn't know he can't do stuff.

• 39:40H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  But I saw him like lock in with me, and I'm like, what the fuck was that? And I was like, ah.

• 39:47H. Foley?

  You want some, too?

• 39:48Speaker 01

  I was like, that's, that's, that's bad. Like, I remember like being rattled when my dad would, you hit that octave, that certain octave. And I was like, ah, shit. And then I started thinking, I'm like...

• 39:58H. Foley?

  Fight or flight.

• 39:59Speaker 01

  I'm like, oh, well, you, you think you're not gonna be like,

• 40:04Speaker 01

  the things you didn't like about your parents, but I'm just like, I can only do so much.

• 40:08H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  And it's like, that's what, that's the language I learned, unfortunately. It's like, we grew up speaking English, and now I'm trying to speak French. It's like, it don't...

• 40:19Speaker 03

  You gotta save that octave for when it matters.

• 40:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:23Speaker 01

  Like when I can't find my $80 sunglasses.

• 40:25H. Foley?

  He can't do that. That's such a well-adjusted thing.

• 40:27Speaker 03

  But I think you learn.

• 40:28Speaker 01

  I can. Have I not become very well-adjusted dealing with

• 40:33Speaker 01

  such, there's been many times I, I, I, you know, old me would have acted out.

• 40:42H. Foley?

  Lost it.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  Lost it, some would say, and I see things with a different perspective, and I move on.

• 40:51H. Foley?

  That's just making me crazy.

• 40:52Speaker 01

  Is my nose bleeding? Is my nose bleeding?

• 40:54H. Foley?

  When they're gonna shoot up a post office or something like that?

• 40:56Speaker 01

  They should have delivered my coupons on time.

• 40:59H. Foley?

  There was $200 sunglasses in there.

• 41:01Speaker 01

  It was 10 for 10 at that.

• 41:02H. Foley?

  Uh, my cousin John, who's a parent, I've noticed was always great with that, that exact same thing. Never saw him yell at anybody until, not, not even yell, just, it's those guys.

• 41:15Speaker 01

  Until the Jets didn't cover.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  A fucking plate of spaghetti on the wall.

• 41:23H. Foley?

  Um, no, he would be very stern. Like, he was always happy-go-lucky guy, very, very great guy. But man, when he, not even turns hard, just when he has to be, when it's something serious, it, it makes, he, he can do, he can do less and it's more impactful.

• 41:42Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 41:43H. Foley?

  You know what I mean? That's a lunatic screaming all the time over sunglasses.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  That's me.

• 41:49H. Foley?

  That's my dad, he's always yelling.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  My, my nephew kinda had that with my brother. At one point ago, he's gonna go, who cares? That's all I fucking, it's like, that's all that guy does, who fucking cares? You know what I mean? He's like, yeah, wow, he's yelling again? He be yelling tomorrow too, ain't no reason to jump up on this one.

• 42:06H. Foley?

  Sit down, finish your sandwich.

• 42:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's fine, he's just fucking, he's whacking, I can't find his $200 sunglasses, just relax.

• 42:12H. Foley?

  They were only $1.50.

• 42:14Speaker 01

  Heard they were only 99.

• 42:16H. Foley?

  I like that.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  Uh...

• 42:18H. Foley?

  Home run of a question.

• 42:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was great. Uh...

• 42:20H. Foley?

  Has anybody seen my $80 sunglasses?

• 42:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. That's good.

• 42:26H. Foley?

  Patty's big on the price, too.

• 42:27Speaker 01

  Yeah. My wife kinda is too, but at like, what the...

• 42:34Speaker 01

  The markdown, this was $2.50, I got it for 60.

• 42:38H. Foley?

  Give it to Simon Underdog.

• 42:39Speaker 01

  Underdog!

• 42:40H. Foley?

  How'd you know Uncle Hank's down a few pounds, I'm starting to wardrobe over again?

• 42:44Speaker 01

  It's nice to start fresh.

• 42:45H. Foley?

  Wanna wear nice stuff, wanna wear comfortable, clean material? That's why I go to Underdog.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  Your body's a temple.

• 42:51H. Foley?

  My body is now a temple.

• 42:53Speaker 01

  Shouldn't be draped in these disgusting, plastic, hybrid...

• 42:57H. Foley?

  Polyester?

• 42:58Speaker 01

  Oh, made in some chemical factory.

• 43:01H. Foley?

  What am I, I'm Therese Company, I'm walking around as a regal beagle in polyester? You got Underdog, all natural, feeling good, wears clean, feels clean. Get yourself over to Underdog, get the cleanest t-shirt you're ever gonna wear.

• 43:12Speaker 01

  Yes, it's 51% hemp for durability, 31% bamboo for breathability, and 18% organic cotton for comfort, baby, zero polyester. Just natural fibers built to last. Uh, most brands buy a fab, buy a fabric off the shelf, print a logo on it and send it out the door. Underdog engineered that, the, the fabric from scratch. They're not just going, hey, you guys make it, we'll take it, bada bing. They've took and came up with this exact thing that they wanted to make. Believe it or not, the government banned hemp in 1937. The clothing industry spent decades trying to convince us that plastic was the better alternative and Underdog is bringing it back in its nature's strongest and safest fibers.

• 43:56Speaker 01

  And you gotta watch what you're putting on your bodies as you get older, as we're learning this stuff, what's good, what's bad. These t-shirts are a better option than these, these scumbag plastic things they're trying to shove down your throat. For a limited time, for a limited time only, our listeners, uh, and first of all, Underdog was very nice, sent us a couple, and I gotta tell you, it's, the Underdog t-shirts are climbing up the ladder of my favorite article of clothing. For a limited time only, our listeners are getting up to 30% off at undrdog.com, that's U-N-D-R-D-O-G dot com for up to 30% off. After your purchase, they're gonna ask you how you heard about them, please support the show and tell them the boy sent you, do it, now back to the friggin' show.

• 44:33H. Foley?

  Back to the show.

• 44:36H. Foley?

  What is this, fucking asbestos in this goddamn thing? It's itching the shit out of me.

• 44:40Speaker 01

  Uh-huh. You probably did get the one with asbestos.

• 44:43H. Foley?

  Ah.

• 44:43Speaker 01

  Probably got lice in there or something.

• 44:45H. Foley?

  Ah, hurts so bad.

• 44:46Speaker 01

  Bedbugs.

• 44:48H. Foley?

  Hurts, Kippy.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:50H. Foley?

  I got boo-boo.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  Kay.

• 44:52H. Foley?

  I haven't had a boo-boo in a long time.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  Stop saying boo-boo, man, come on.

• 44:55Speaker 03

  It's not a boo-boo either.

• 44:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, you, it was, it was, it was something that went wrong that you did not fix for two weeks and then it became this. That's not a boo-boo.

• 45:05Speaker 03

  Boo-boo is like you scraped your elbow.

• 45:06Speaker 01

  Stop saying boo-boo, we're, the youngest person in this room is 29. Happy birthday, Luke.

• 45:12H. Foley?

  Hey!

• 45:13Speaker 01

  Hey, you 29?

• 45:14Speaker 03

  I'll be 29.

• 45:15Speaker 01

  29, hey, happy birthday, Lucas.

• 45:17H. Foley?

  Young kid, whole life in front of him, doing very well. I like to see it.

• 45:21Speaker 03

  Learn from the best, baby.

• 45:22H. Foley?

  There you go, kid.

• 45:23Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 45:25Speaker 01

  Talking to me!

• 45:26H. Foley?

  Talking to me?

• 45:27Speaker 01

  Has anybody seen my 1999 eye patch?

• 45:33H. Foley?

  Is that how much this was?

• 45:33Speaker 01

  It's 20 bucks.

• 45:34H. Foley?

  I'm not paying for that!

• 45:36Speaker 01

  I know. I'm well aware.

• 45:38H. Foley?

  It's a good example to learn what not to do. Glad that I can be a role model to you. I tighten you up even more.

• 45:45Speaker 01

  That's how crazy you are. I'm glad I could help you, you're just sitting there all shot up. Luke.

• 45:51H. Foley?

  Wait, shot up like needle or bullet holes?

• 45:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, just like the end of, you know, saving preference, just like...

• 45:57Speaker 03

  Both.

• 45:58Speaker 01

  Ah, Luke, tell everybody what I did for you, still not humble? Just like, tell everybody how good of a leader I've been and how good of a friend obviously I've set such a good example for you. I did this for you, Luke.

• 46:11H. Foley?

  Kippy, I'm the one that stole your $500 sunglasses.

• 46:14Speaker 01

  You got them on. That's these, I scratched your name off the side.

• 46:20H. Foley?

  Hail the bullets would be too bad.

• 46:22Speaker 01

  Um...

• 46:23H. Foley?

  The Tommy gun must have been alright to get hit by. Yeah, you did that, did that?

• 46:27Speaker 01

  Fuck it, dude, I hit him with the Harlem shake.

• 46:33Speaker 01

  Hit him with a little Jimmy Jam.

• 46:35H. Foley?

  Always one guy in those old gangster moves, I would get it like that. Yeah.

• 46:41H. Foley?

  Why'd they stop using that? That thing's nasty. The Tommy gun.

• 46:45Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 46:45Speaker 03

  Better ones, yeah.

• 46:46H. Foley?

  The better than that won World War II.

• 46:51H. Foley?

  I don't know if that's true, but...

• 46:53Speaker 01

  That's what my eye patch guy said.

• 46:57Speaker 01

  And he was there, I think.

• 46:58H. Foley?

  I wonder if there's an eye patch store? Like a cigar lounge, just guys with eye patches sitting around?

• 47:03Speaker 01

  There's gotta be like a one-eyed community. Yeah.

• 47:07H. Foley?

  Start hanging out.

• 47:08Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. See, yeah, to get like an embroidered one, there's probably like a nice, probably velvet, gold kinda trim and stuff. That's a gen, cause a gentleman wears an eye patch.

• 47:18H. Foley?

  I should get one with the, with the, with the skull and crossbones on it.

• 47:21Speaker 03

  You should get like a famous movie prop one.

• 47:24H. Foley?

  What do you mean?

• 47:24Speaker 03

  Like the real one from like Escape from New York or something.

• 47:28H. Foley?

  Kurt Russell.

• 47:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, man, yeah.

• 47:34H. Foley?

  I'm a Jeff Bridges man. Nah, I love Kurt Russell.

• 47:36Speaker 01

  You're a burning Bridges man.

• 47:40Speaker 01

  Hey, duh, what do you wanna do, hit him with a similar, hit him with an eye patch.

• 47:44H. Foley?

  We should all get eye patches.

• 47:46Speaker 01

  Okay, I'll do one in solidarity with you.

• 47:48H. Foley?

  Really?

• 47:48Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 47:49H. Foley?

  Here, wear this one.

• 47:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, right, I can hear it throbbing from here.

• 47:54H. Foley?

  Oh, it kills.

• 47:55Speaker 01

  That thing's got a pulse to it.

• 47:56H. Foley?

  It kills.

• 47:57Speaker 01

  Boom, boom. Um, alright, let's see, this one's from trickle-down-patriotics, that's a fucking great name. What the fuck, dude, why, people are so good.

• 48:10H. Foley?

  There's young kids out there.

• 48:11Speaker 01

  Trickle-down-patriotics, that's really, really good.

• 48:14H. Foley?

  Trickle-down-patriotics.

• 48:16Speaker 01

  Uh, $10 layaway homie, never had one red. Are you garbage if you had shoes named after a tire brand as a kid? I was in elementary school rocking white Dunlop sneakers in the early 90s. That's a tough look.

• 48:31H. Foley?

  I remember those.

• 48:32Speaker 01

  These are the fucking Air Michelin's? That's a tough look.

• 48:35H. Foley?

  There was a couple of sneakers that even Patty wouldn't force me to wear.

• 48:39Speaker 01

  Well, I feel like...

• 48:39H. Foley?

  I had some Franklin's.

• 48:41Speaker 01

  I feel like we had Franklin's... I don't, I don't really remember.

• 48:46H. Foley?

  I had Bobcats, too. They were sick.

• 48:48Speaker 01

  The fucking excavator brand?

• 48:51H. Foley?

  Couple caterpillars.

• 48:52Speaker 01

  They were yellow.

• 48:53H. Foley?

  No, Bobcats, they had a little pouch on the, oh no, kangaroos had pouch on the side. Put your money in, one or two dollars, you know, candy at the snack bar. But Bobcats were pretty sweet. Google Bobcat sneakers for kids.

• 49:04Speaker 03

  I have an Air Jordan 10 called Bobcats, but...

• 49:08H. Foley?

  No. Bobcats 80 sneakers for kids. No.

• 49:13Speaker 03

  Never? Cause you were that age when they hit.

• 49:16H. Foley?

  Yeah, and they were like, and people were getting blasted for them in the inner city.

• 49:19Speaker 03

  Uh-huh.

• 49:19H. Foley?

  I'm putting them one.

• 49:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:21H. Foley?

  Shit.

• 49:22Speaker 01

  That was, that was the concern.

• 49:24H. Foley?

  Yeah, I wanna get popped for my sneaks, then you gotta walk home fucking barefoot.

• 49:28Speaker 03

  There's the Miss Bobcat or the Bobcat Junior.

• 49:31Speaker 01

  You were wearing the Miss Bobcats?

• 49:34H. Foley?

  That's a wise ass. Then you send the commercial that went, "Rrrrgh!" The end of the thing.

• 49:39Speaker 01

  He's got nothing.

• 49:41Speaker 03

  I got nothing.

• 49:41H. Foley?

  There's no Bobcat sneakers.

• 49:43Speaker 03

  Uh, it's the Jordan or these like Miss Bobcats.

• 49:46H. Foley?

  Huh. Maybe it wasn't Bobcat. Try Bobcat Goldwing. See, "Rrrrgh!" Comes up.

• 49:57H. Foley?

  I don't know. Pretty sure they were Bobcats.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  There wasn't a mainstream 1980 sneaker with the brand name Bobcat.

• 50:03H. Foley?

  There wasn't?

• 50:03Speaker 01

  No.

• 50:04H. Foley?

  Who told you that? AI?

• 50:07Speaker 01

  Your mother. Yeah, there's no, I don't know what to tell you.

• 50:09H. Foley?

  The fuck would they call it? Bobcats? Maybe it's a company. Maybe it was like Puma made Bobcats or something. I don't know.

• 50:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:17H. Foley?

  Unless I dreamed it up.

• 50:18Speaker 01

  I don't know. I didn't have-

• 50:19H. Foley?

  Lock something out.

• 50:20Speaker 01

  I don't remember ever... The first shoes I ever remember that were like branded would have been like when I started skateboarding, you get like a skateboard shoe. Other than that, it was just kinda like whatever.

• 50:32H. Foley?

  Dunlops are tough.

• 50:32Speaker 01

  Well, Dunlop got into sporting goods, because Dunlops make golf clubs and golf balls.

• 50:38Speaker 03

  That was always tennis rackets to me.

• 50:40Speaker 01

  And tennis rackets.

• 50:41H. Foley?

  Is that the tire company?

• 50:42Speaker 03

  Dunlop was always tennis to me.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  I didn't even know, now that I think about it, I don't even know Dunlop is a tire company. I'm sure they do.

• 50:48H. Foley?

  I think they are.

• 50:49Speaker 01

  I, I mean, it makes sense. I'm sure this guy knows what Dunlop is. He got made fun of for wearing tire shoes. I'm sure he knows more than I do. But Dunlop to me was like always like kinda shitty, it was like 80's sporting goods stuff.

• 50:59H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 50:59Speaker 01

  Tennis rackets.

• 51:01Speaker 03

  They got tires.

• 51:02H. Foley?

  They had tires. Why not?

• 51:04Speaker 01

  Hell, it's in the tires you rode in on. It's everything.

• 51:07H. Foley?

  Tennis rackets, sneakers.

• 51:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:09H. Foley?

  The sneakers this loser got on?

• 51:12Speaker 01

  He's getting a swirly.

• 51:17H. Foley?

  It's alright. That's a tough look.

• 51:20Speaker 03

  They split the operations, but-

• 51:23Speaker 01

  Obviously they have the same factory.

• 51:25H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 51:26Speaker 03

  They're the same-

• 51:27Speaker 01

  The hell we making today, shoes?

• 51:28Speaker 03

  Historical origin. Gotcha.

• 51:31H. Foley?

  I like that.

• 51:33H. Foley?

  We should do that. We should diversify, start getting into something.

• 51:38Speaker 01

  We, uh-

• 51:39Speaker 03

  Eye patch.

• 51:39H. Foley?

  Manufacturing, manufacturing iPad.

• 51:41Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Sure.

• 51:43H. Foley?

  Yeah. It's on the Caribbean.

• 51:46H. Foley?

  I wonder if there's any pirates still left down there? There's gotta be descendants of like Blackbeard.

• 51:51Speaker 03

  I'm sure descendants.

• 51:52H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 51:53Speaker 03

  But, all the pirates are...

• 51:56Speaker 01

  What, you think they're all in Somalia?

• 51:58Speaker 03

  Uh, African way.

• 51:59H. Foley?

  Kevin.

• 52:02Speaker 01

  What? I'm just saying.

• 52:04Speaker 03

  A fact?

• 52:06Speaker 03

  Well, we can't say-

• 52:06Speaker 01

  I, I can't say, that's, that's, that's our new, that's our new political, I can't say facts now? I'm just stating facts!

• 52:16Speaker 01

  I got some literature I want you to check out. That's my new Patreon.

• 52:22Speaker 01

  Oh, golly gee willikers. Um, alright, this one's from Reluctant Hugger. Never had one read. Are you garbage if your friend's drunk dad would teach you all the pressure points that the cops used on him back in the day? Yeah, that was always, to have the dad who was a little rough.

• 52:39H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 52:40Speaker 01

  I mean, for us, it was like uncles and cousins who would like... Show you, this is what, I remember like my cousin LaShaw, my cousin Liam, what a fish hook and an Irish toothache were.

• 52:50H. Foley?

  Ooh, what's an Irish toothache?

• 52:52Speaker 01

  The fucking behind the ear pressure point.

• 52:53H. Foley?

  Oh, that's the worst!

• 52:54Speaker 01

  That'll fucking, that'll make you see Jesus as a six-year-old. You'd be wrestling and he fucking boom, hit you with his fucking ET finger.

• 53:01H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's brutal.

• 53:02Speaker 01

  Fucking numb you out.

• 53:03H. Foley?

  Brutal.

• 53:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:05H. Foley?

  Also the temple.

• 53:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, we were always, no one ever like pressed that, it was like you were afraid of that or whatever.

• 53:10H. Foley?

  That was our move, squeeze the temple.

• 53:11Speaker 01

  Really?

• 53:12H. Foley?

  Yeah, me and brother would fight, we'd try to get each other's temple.

• 53:15Speaker 01

  That was always like you could kill, so we were like, hey, listen, gentleman's rules, I'm not trying to kill this guy.

• 53:19H. Foley?

  Could he kill you?

• 53:20Speaker 03

  I don't know, that's what I was-

• 53:21Speaker 01

  I think, that's what everybody, I mean like any movie or TV show was like, I hit him in the temple, right in the temple.

• 53:26H. Foley?

  Catch him in the, you'd think that'd be a move though, like the SEALs would do. I never seen anybody hit anybody in temple.

• 53:32Speaker 01

  The SEALs have guns.

• 53:33H. Foley?

  No, when they use their like karate and shit, when they gotta sneak up behind-

• 53:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I don't think it's the easiest fucking thing.

• 53:38H. Foley?

  You gotta get him. Just slit their throat, I guess.

• 53:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can, but it's like- It's rare. It's very hard to do. Probably happened once in the 70's and then fucking an old wives spread like wildfire.

• 53:51H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that, the insurance got involved and all of a sudden there's no high dives anymore. I know that fucking story goes.

• 53:55Speaker 01

  Shit.

• 53:56H. Foley?

  Some fucking doped up loser ruining it for everybody.

• 54:04Speaker 01

  Uh, this one's from Joey Bagadon, two Joey Bagadon, different names, but two separate Joey Bagadonuts. Gas station, $10 gas station boner pill, uh, never had the pleasure, am I garbage if when I was in elementary school, my grandfather took me with him to sell his Desert Eagle in a combination McDonald's slash BP gas station parking lot? Even at the time, I thought this shit is dicey. Uh, yeah, I mean, going to an arms trade is never, uh, where a kid should be. I mean, I'm a new parent, but I don't, you know.

• 54:36H. Foley?

  And nuggets are delicious. Uh, yeah, that's wild.

• 54:39Speaker 01

  But at the same time-

• 54:40H. Foley?

  That wasn't a legal sale, I would assume.

• 54:42Speaker 03

  I think that is.

• 54:43Speaker 01

  I think that.

• 54:44H. Foley?

  How is that legal?

• 54:44Speaker 03

  I think you're allowed third-party sales.

• 54:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're allowed to sell guns.

• 54:48Speaker 03

  As long as it's like registered somehow, you're allowed to do it, I believe. And it depends on-

• 54:53Speaker 01

  I think state to state, yeah, I think it's like-

• 54:56H. Foley?

  You can't do it state to state.

• 54:57Speaker 03

  No, it depends what state.

• 54:57Speaker 01

  No, but then what, it's different. Like if you're in Arkansas, I'm sure it's a little different than fucking New York City. You goddamn city's slicker.

• 55:05H. Foley?

  I know a girl that got hemmed up for a straw purchase.

• 55:08Speaker 01

  I know that girl as well.

• 55:09H. Foley?

  You do?

• 55:10Speaker 01

  Used to roll, I mean...

• 55:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:15Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 55:19Speaker 01

  You told me that, I was like, nothing makes more sense than hearing that about that person. It just was like, so, I know, I know versions of that girl. You know what I mean? Nice girl.

• 55:31H. Foley?

  Sweetheart.

• 55:32Speaker 01

  Um, but yeah, that was always, there was always a girl around like the bad people where you're like, she's in the world but not in the, and can fall to the, I'm just gonna do it. Cause they get a, they get around that kind of operation.

• 55:50H. Foley?

  They're like the bad boy.

• 55:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, they, they get around that kind of operation and they see something done once or twice and then they, you know.

• 55:56H. Foley?

  Guys like you and me can't compete with that shit.

• 55:58Speaker 01

  What?

• 55:59H. Foley?

  The bad boy, I, you know, moving weight, doing this, that.

• 56:02Speaker 03

  She either becomes like a good teacher.

• 56:03Speaker 01

  I know, but I also don't want the girl who's gonna make a straw purchase. At the same ti, I think, I think you just, you got pussy on the brain again. I'm not necessarily trying to bed the girl who's willing to buy handguns and give them away. That's just me personally at the, at my point in life, and I think at every point I've ever been in life, I'd be- I would run away, if I got in the car and she pulled out a fucking Smith and Wesson, I would get out of the car, dude, I am a bitch. We're not splitting this out at, holy shit, is that thing real?

• 56:35H. Foley?

  I like the bad girl.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  Oh, cool. That was the grossest thing you've ever said.

• 56:41Speaker 03

  As the guy who never got the bad girl.

• 56:43Speaker 01

  Yeah. And the guy in the eye patch.

• 56:50Speaker 03

  Those girls either fall in or become like great teachers or nurses.

• 56:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, they, they, yes, they're, they're coming to Jesus, they, they see a day where they go, I've, I've made the wrong turns and I gotta get the fuck out? Or, I'm about that life. Yeah. Very true.

• 57:09Speaker 01

  God. God bless you. Um, that made me think, you know what's real trashies that I saw the other day?

• 57:16H. Foley?

  What's that, Kippy?

• 57:17Speaker 01

  The other day, uh-

• 57:19H. Foley?

  What'd you see there today?

• 57:20Speaker 01

  Girls that drive really fast. It's real, it's so trashy, dude. It's, I've hung with girls that drive really fast, that think it's cool, any, you know. Dude, this girl turned a corner way too fast and did that thing where like, I don't know if it's like the e-brake or whatever, but like-

• 57:37H. Foley?

  Really?

• 57:38Speaker 01

  She did that, she took like a fucking hairpin turn quick, and I looked at, cute girl. Probably like early twenties, bleach blonde hair, and she had her foot up, her one foot on the seat, and she was like, and I'm like, you're way too casual. Fucking Fast and the Furious, legally blonde. Yeah, I was like, oh, that girl, that girl's gonna, that girl at some point is gonna get asked to do something illegal for a guy. You know what I mean? Alright, fuck it, I'll do it. Ah, fuck it, I'll do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's my, you know. Shit, shit, yeah, it was very reminiscent of like, that girl's living with her s- her mom and her mom's boyfriend or something, in a, in a townhouse somewhere.

• 58:23Speaker 03

  Her mom and her boyfriend, or like the girl's boyfriend, I feel like, like the mom who lets the daughter have her boyfriend live with them.

• 58:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was always something. That was always... I remember, dude, I remember, we went over, this girl was like a year younger than us, and we went over, and she's like, we can drink at my house. We're like, alright, cool, so like, that's the last, that's the only thing we need to hear. Someone might have been like hooking up with her or something, we were probably...

• 58:48Speaker 01

  I was driving, I was 16. And, uh, we get there, and this is when like, I was just like, I'm not about this like bad kid life. You know what I mean? Like there was, I got there, it was like me, Pat, Vinnie with the skinny and Deli, and we roll up, I'm driving, we roll up. And like, we had, we had, you know, a case of beers, like a place we could go, yeah, somebody's-

• 59:12H. Foley?

  It's a Friday night?

• 59:13Speaker 01

  Friday night, probably.

• 59:14H. Foley?

  Alright, her mom's home?

• 59:17Speaker 01

  I don't, they just said, come over, we can go to, his girl's name was Ash, we can go to Ash's house. I'd never met her really, she's a year younger maybe? Maybe a different school or something? I didn't know her. Knew who she was, like knew, aware of her. So, and somebody was like, maybe hooking up with her or something, so we went. They were like, yeah, I'm here, come over.

• 59:37H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  So we go, alright, we had nowhere to drink, you know, it was either that or like standing out in the fucking woods somewhere, you know, we're like, alright.

• 59:44H. Foley?

  Who wants to do that?

• 59:44Speaker 01

  I'm gonna fucking go to this nice warm house, watch the TV, sit on the couch.

• 59:48H. Foley?

  Uh-huh.

• 59:48Speaker 01

  We get in there, and, uh,

• 59:52Speaker 01

  she goes, oh, my mom's upstairs, and I'm like, damn. Fucking boozing and your fucking mom's here, like this is, it just like didn't feel right. Like, eh, this is weird. So then they're like, the cops pull up out front.

• 1:00:07H. Foley?

  What?

• 1:00:08Speaker 01

  And I go, what the fuck, dude?

• 1:00:09H. Foley?

  The cops?

• 1:00:10Speaker 01

  So we cut the lights and hit the deck, and they're like, they got the floodlight in the front of the, in the front of the hat, the windows, like they're in the car, it's a townhouse. So they were like, in the parking lot.

• 1:00:22H. Foley?

  What the fuck?

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  And they go, and the girl, we're all laying on the ground, she goes, they were here last night too. I go, what the fuck kinda shit did you get me into, Deli? What the fuck?

• 1:00:33Speaker 01

  So now I go, I gotta get out of here. I go, in my cars, they're probably running my tags right now. Denise is gonna be here any minute.

• 1:00:42Speaker 01

  I'm panicking, dude. I'm panicking. Dude, like, is your mommy, like what the fuck, what's the, like-

• 1:00:50H. Foley?

  Answer me, young lady!

• 1:00:52Speaker 01

  We gotta get our fucking story straight here.

• 1:00:55H. Foley?

  Steve Carell?

• 1:01:00H. Foley?

  Jen Aniston's with you? Fucking date night, whatever it is?

• 1:01:03Speaker 01

  I'm lost on all this reference.

• 1:01:05Speaker 03

  That's your reference? I was giving you the Steve Carell.

• 1:01:12H. Foley?

  I know where I was going.

• 1:01:14Speaker 03

  Date night, that was with Tina Fey.

• 1:01:16H. Foley?

  Tina Fey, god damn it.

• 1:01:17Speaker 01

  Is this dinner for schmucks? What? Fucking, I got the fucking fuzz out front guy.

• 1:01:24H. Foley?

  What was the deal?

• 1:01:25Speaker 01

  Now I'm staring down it.

• 1:01:26H. Foley?

  That's something the mom was doing.

• 1:01:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, no shit. So she comes crawling down this.

• 1:01:31H. Foley?

  The mom?

• 1:01:34H. Foley?

  Everybody play it fucking cool.

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  It was, oh, they're.

• 1:01:37H. Foley?

  You're not going anywhere, fat boy.

• 1:01:40Speaker 01

  I pee my pants.

• 1:01:43H. Foley?

  You pass out?

• 1:01:46Speaker 01

  Oh. I do like, I do like, I do the old feint with my hand on my. So Deli catches me.

• 1:01:54H. Foley?

  You just hear the gun cock in the darkness? No one's going anywhere.

• 1:01:59Speaker 01

  I get you. We have dinner.

• 1:02:04Speaker 03

  It was so late too.

• 1:02:05H. Foley?

  Stop your crying.

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  I remember going, man, it's a cop. This ain't just a good, we're patrolling, it's fucking.

• 1:02:11H. Foley?

  What the fuck's that?

• 1:02:14H. Foley?

  She kept going.

• 1:02:18Speaker 01

  Actually, get the, get the go bag. We're sneaking out the back. She throws a flashbang out the. She starts shooting out the windows. So she's got it, she's pushing the couch up.

• 1:02:31H. Foley?

  You fuckers will never take me alive!

• 1:02:32Speaker 01

  Pushes the couch up on the door. Hey, fat ass, grab the other end of this coffee table.

• 1:02:39H. Foley?

  So what was the deal?

• 1:02:40Speaker 01

  Then the guy she was dating, the whole, the original reference was based on this story. That I made. The guy she was dating comes down. This guy was a fucking, this guy was a skizer. The hell, like, they were upstairs nodding out or something, I don't know. They weren't doing us the doke, I know that.

• 1:03:00H. Foley?

  I'm watching Lawrence Welk.

• 1:03:02Speaker 01

  And I remember being like, we gotta get the fuck out. I go, I just remember being like, dude, I can't.

• 1:03:07H. Foley?

  What are you gonna do? The cops are out front.

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  I know. So they leave, they come back, and I'm like, alright, so like. Now, I remember going like, is there a back door? But there was, and then a fence. I'm like, I ain't fucking jumping. I got about eight beers in me at this point.

• 1:03:25Speaker 01

  So I go, alright, well, when they, I go, guys, I can't get arrested with this couple. Like, this is like, if I, if my mom has to go and pick us up, and it's like me, Deli, Pat.

• 1:03:34H. Foley?

  Who are them?

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then fucking, you know.

• 1:03:40Speaker 01

  And I think that they, they left.

• 1:03:43H. Foley?

  The parents?

• 1:03:44Speaker 01

  They, they were, it was the winter, and there, there was this long, uh, road to get down to, like, they were at the bottom of the hill in the townhouse community.

• 1:03:52H. Foley?

  Bad news right there.

• 1:03:53Speaker 01

  But you can see the entrance, so you could see the cop, like, you could see the lights if they were coming down. You know what I mean? Like.

• 1:04:00H. Foley?

  Probably where they bought the place.

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:04:02H. Foley?

  Probably where they bought the place.

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  Right. I got a clear line to the main road here. You can tell if the fucking heat's coming down on us. So I remember like, I was like, I look at, I remember I looked at, I think Deli and Pat might have stayed. I remember running out the front door with Vinnie. I go, when they, when they, when would those brake lights make a left? We're, we're gone. And we're gonna fucking, you know, if I get a fucking Dewey, I get a Dewey, whatever. We fucking got out of there. Fucking, yeah. I don't know what the cops were looking for, I don't know anything, but.

• 1:04:33H. Foley?

  Never went back?

• 1:04:34Speaker 01

  Never went back. I never looked at that girl in the eyes.

• 1:04:38H. Foley?

  That's awesome.

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was just like, you're like, whoa, we live a different, this is a different level of.

• 1:04:45H. Foley?

  Yeah, doing an army crawl with your mom in the middle of the night when the cops are up front?

• 1:04:49Speaker 01

  Like, it was normal. Yeah, it was, uh, it's something.

• 1:04:52H. Foley?

  Shit, modernous!

• 1:04:53Speaker 01

  Yeah. Like, the whole family was cool with hiding from the cops.

• 1:05:01H. Foley?

  That's alright.

• 1:05:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, uh, but we gotta wrap it up on that.

• 1:05:05H. Foley?

  Ah, what a fun one. Gang, we love you to death. Grab those tickets to come see us in New York City if you're in the tri-state area. Uh, watch American Garbage on YouTube, we appreciate it. Thank you for everybody who's watched it. Kippy, I love you.

• 1:05:16Speaker 01

  Love you, bud.

• 1:05:17H. Foley?

  Luke, I love you. Gang, we love you, and we'll, uh, see you in three days.

• 1:05:20Speaker 01

  Peace!