Pod Insights Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast Scene of the Crime w/ Kippy & Foley! About this episode Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show!
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Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.
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Transcript 12,493 words · 6 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
0:19 H. Foley? Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?
0:25 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
0:25 H. Foley? It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're good to be classy.
0:30 Speaker 02 Yeah.
0:30 H. Foley? Or they're just a big old piece of trash.
0:32 Speaker 02 Trash, trash, trash.
0:33 H. Foley? I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. I was just getting a rundown from her about the Thanksgiving menu.
0:40 Speaker 02 Okay.
0:41 H. Foley? Doing meatloaf this year.
0:42 Speaker 02 Fair enough.
0:42 H. Foley? We're switching it up a little bit. Making her famous Long Island iced teas as an appetizer.
0:47 Speaker 02 How you doing?
0:48 H. Foley? My co-host is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode, just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman, and he's my best pal in the whole wide world, and I love him. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
1:03 Speaker 02 What up, everybody?
1:04 H. Foley? There he is.
1:05 Speaker 02 Shout out to you.
1:05 H. Foley? The Chevy Lumina kid.
1:07 Speaker 02 Oh, baby, I was fine. Took her out for a Sunday drive. Got my, had my bird in the car, put on our Sunday's best, and went cruising around.
1:16 H. Foley? Stopping short on her, making a move.
1:19 Speaker 02 Uh, what's up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes and Spotify, too, I'm told, I gotta say.
1:25 H. Foley? There you go.
1:25 Speaker 02 Uh, and that full video available on YouTube, and obviously, I'd be remiss, I'd be an idiot, be an asshole if I didn't mention the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. I got one, one saying for you, gang, all that money.
1:40 H. Foley? Yeah, get over there and check it out. Thank you, Kevin, I appreciate that. Have you noticed I've been doing that lately?
1:44 Speaker 02 Appreciate what?
1:45 H. Foley? I, dear, do I throw it to you? Thank you, Kevin.
1:48 Speaker 02 Oh, thanks.
1:49 H. Foley? And then I go, I go into the weather.
1:51 Speaker 02 All right.
1:52 H. Foley? I got a question for you, boys.
1:54 Speaker 02 Oh, God.
1:54 H. Foley? Uh.
1:56 Speaker 02 It's just gonna...
1:57 H. Foley? It's not about money. I noticed this last night. I take a little heat for this over at the Foley Homestead. How do you organize your?
2:08 Speaker 02 I can guarantee whatever it is, not the way that you do it. If I had to guess, I don't do it like you.
2:13 H. Foley? Your underwear drawer. I like to keep my good panties on top. Spray a little perfume on them.
2:19 Speaker 02 Sure.
2:21 H. Foley? How do you organize your silverware drawer? Give me from left to right.
2:28 Speaker 02 I was just looking at this this morning because I was putting it away. Funny you bring this up. This is a point of contention currently in my fucking household.
2:35 H. Foley? Small penis?
2:36 Speaker 02 Uh, sure, I keep that. I keep that with the silverware.
2:42 Speaker 02 I, my wife, we don't got good stuff.
2:45 H. Foley? You don't got good silverware?
2:46 Speaker 02 We got bad stuff, dude. We got bad.
2:49 H. Foley? That's easy peasy. You get that shit at Marshalls, you get a nice set.
2:52 Speaker 02 We got Ikea, European, funky looking shape forks.
2:56 H. Foley? With like two forks?
2:57 Speaker 02 They're not deep enough.
2:58 H. Foley? Like two prongs?
2:59 Speaker 02 Dude.
3:00 H. Foley? Like you're eating mutton.
3:01 Speaker 02 Everything's kinda sporky. It's not fucking, it's not how an American likes to operate. I tell you that much.
3:07 H. Foley? I can't believe guy like you.
3:09 Speaker 02 Listen, man.
3:10 H. Foley? Extra cars.
3:11 Speaker 02 There's points that could.
3:12 H. Foley? Homes.
3:13 Speaker 02 Listen, we make the same amount of money.
3:14 H. Foley? Different amount of property?
3:15 Speaker 02 To the dollar.
3:16 H. Foley? I got nice silverware.
3:17 Speaker 02 Maybe, maybe you have a second car.
3:19 H. Foley? Went broke over it.
3:21 Speaker 02 Yeah, man, we're just, she, and I'm like, I fucking hate it. It feels like I'm back in college.
3:26 H. Foley? Does it have, me ask you this, is it the fork that has the, like the handle? Like it's, it's like a plastic handle?
3:33 Speaker 02 No, no, no, no, no, no. I would respect that. That's at least old time Americana. I'm alright with that.
3:38 H. Foley? Let me ask you this. When you go into the ice cream with the tablespoon, does it bend? Or does it have enough, enough, enough, enough weight on it to get in there?
3:47 Speaker 02 It's funny you brought that up. So it's even trashier. We're running.
3:51 H. Foley? It's like a heroin house.
3:51 Speaker 02 We're running two sets, two different sets of utensils. You open it up, it looks like, it looks like a diner, dude. There's fucking 500 forks. Cause I went and I was just like, I hate the, I was like, I genuinely hate these.
4:05 H. Foley? You went silverware shopping?
4:06 Speaker 02 No, I bought them on fucking Amazon.
4:08 H. Foley? Craigslist.
4:09 Speaker 02 I pulled, I went rogue and bought my own, not my own, but I'm like, we gotta start phasing this Euro shit, this Ikea bullshit out of here. So we have double of everything.
4:18 H. Foley? Okay.
4:18 Speaker 02 So what I always, I.
4:20 H. Foley? Double of everything, the same line or different?
4:23 Speaker 02 Dude, two different sets. Yeah. Two different, I got like a decent set.
4:26 H. Foley? Like a frat house.
4:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, it is. That's why I said it's like a fucking diner. It's just like a, uh, couple of ladles in there. Uh. But I, I go, I, I have a hierarchy in my head of the ones that I use first.
4:37 H. Foley? Sure.
4:37 Speaker 02 I use the, I use the new stuff first, but fucking. By God, if I open it up and it's just the Ikea bullshit in there, it fucking stinks.
4:46 H. Foley? Ruins it.
4:46 Speaker 02 It sucks. It's horrible. That brings me back. When I first moved to New York and I moved in with my boy.
4:52 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
4:52 Speaker 02 It was me, there was a couple of us living in this house, right? I don't want to tie down anybody.
4:56 H. Foley? I remember.
4:56 Speaker 02 At certain times I would protect the innocent.
4:59 H. Foley? I hung out over there.
5:00 Speaker 02 You, you've been there a couple, two, three times.
5:01 H. Foley? Smoked some bowls.
5:02 Speaker 02 Yeah, that was a big bowl house.
5:04 H. Foley? Yeah, it was.
5:04 Speaker 02 A lot of, just clapping a bowl, dude.
5:07 H. Foley? I remember smoking bowls when your boy wasn't there and being like, yo, he's okay if I take a hit off this bowl.
5:13 Speaker 02 Off his bowl?
5:14 H. Foley? Yeah, you'd be like, yeah, go ahead.
5:15 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:15 H. Foley? He would get back to him. He'd say, okay, Uncle, I can take a hit off the fucking bowl. It was, it was all burnt anyway.
5:20 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:20 H. Foley? It's not like I was smoking greenies.
5:22 Speaker 02 Just some corners. He's smoking resin.
5:23 H. Foley? Couple of corners, dude. Yeah.
5:25 Speaker 02 You gotta work the corners, eh?
5:27 H. Foley? He'd get me a paper clip and a fucking grill lighter.
5:31 Speaker 02 You gotta come in there and a hang over there and hook it. Um.
5:35 H. Foley? I love resin.
5:36 Speaker 02 But dude, I, that, that, that was, that, that apartment was just constantly clapped bowls. Cause we used to smoke heaters in there too.
5:44 H. Foley? Sure.
5:44 Speaker 02 So, and a lot of times we run out of ashtrays or whatever and, uh, we had a big candle that sometimes would get the, the ash. You know what I mean? Never a button there, but in that, you, you.
5:57 H. Foley? A button, a candle. Man, you're dead somewhere.
6:01 Speaker 02 Uh-huh. Yeah. You're fucked. Yeah. You're jammed up. That's how they're gonna reinvent life in like a five million years. Pull the DNA off a can.
6:08 H. Foley? I always think about that. That's funny you mentioned that.
6:11 Speaker 02 What?
6:11 H. Foley? Cause when I put my fingernails behind the couch, or I remember I was somewhere and I think I painted.
6:16 Speaker 02 This was one of the first things he ever asked me. He goes, you, yeah, you went, we were out front of the Raven. You went, do you ever worry about aliens? I go. Nah, not really. And you're like, you never worry that like, you flick a fingernail somewhere and then like a million years they find it and use the DNA to clone you and then there's another you walking around? I'm like, buddy, lay off the fucking peyote. I'm up and I got a bomb.
6:37 H. Foley? That's what I always think about and I hope they do that. And I get to hang out with them.
6:42 Speaker 02 Come back and annoy other galaxies?
6:45 H. Foley? Kind of forks do you guys have?
6:48 Speaker 02 Yeah, um, but that apartment, we had two forks. Two proper, a lot of takeout, nobody was, we were eating at the deli and stuff like that. But I was so, I was so broken, I was, that was when I was getting lean, when I, when I lost the weight the first time. I, uh, I was making my own food and I do-
7:05 H. Foley? Carnivore kippy.
7:05 Speaker 02 Had to make, we had one fork and it'd be like, are you done with like, hey?
7:09 H. Foley? Really?
7:10 Speaker 02 You couldn't start cooking till someone wrapped it up. We didn't have a dishwasher either.
7:13 H. Foley? I'm mostly spoons anyway these days.
7:15 Speaker 02 Sure.
7:16 H. Foley? I ate-
7:17 Speaker 02 Shovels, some would say.
7:18 H. Foley? Yeah, I had a, I had a, uh, we'd be doing a lot of ground beef, so I'm trying to stay away from the carbs and all that stuff. I had a couple burger patties last night.
7:25 Speaker 02 I've been having some cheese steaks.
7:27 H. Foley? So I ate a, ate a hamburger with a spoon.
7:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm a-
7:30 H. Foley? And a couple pickles.
7:31 Speaker 02 I've been there.
7:31 H. Foley? Bread and butter. Love them.
7:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, I've been there. I thought you were laying off the carbs. I've been there, uh-
7:37 H. Foley? Bread and butter pickles are alright.
7:38 Speaker 02 I, I was joking.
7:39 H. Foley? It's good for the gut too.
7:40 Speaker 02 Bread and butter.
7:40 H. Foley? Oh, it's pretty good.
7:41 Speaker 02 Everything you eat that you always have a secondary, uh, benefit to it. You know what I mean?
7:47 H. Foley? It's good for the-
7:48 Speaker 02 Donuts, they're good-
7:49 H. Foley? Microbiomes.
7:49 Speaker 02 They're good for your eyes.
7:50 H. Foley? That's Luke, right? Pickle juice, fermented stuff, that's why you let it give you G.
7:54 Speaker 02 Probably a ton of sodium in there.
7:55 H. Foley? Not good in the bathroom, I'll tell you that. Yikes.
7:58 Speaker 02 I don't think the doctor recommends deep fried pickles either.
8:02 Speaker 02 Not my cup of tea.
8:03 H. Foley? Sure.
8:04 Speaker 02 Um, but yeah, it's, um, my, that's, it's funny you bring that up. It's a, it's a contentious point in the apartment at the moment. The forks, the knives, and I was doing it today.
8:12 H. Foley? Get rid of all that shit.
8:14 Speaker 02 She, she, she drags her feet on it. I can't.
8:17 H. Foley? You have the organizer?
8:18 Speaker 02 Got the organizer.
8:18 H. Foley? Free balling in there.
8:19 Speaker 02 No, no, we got the organizer.
8:21 H. Foley? Road dogging it.
8:22 Speaker 02 Got the organi- but she don't put anything away right.
8:24 H. Foley? Really?
8:25 Speaker 02 She'll do, like, we have like the, the block of steak knives, they'll end up with the regular butter knives and I'm like, you're gonna cut my finger off.
8:31 H. Foley? I see you.
8:32 Speaker 02 I'm in the, I'm in the dark reaching for a fucking, reaching for a fork. I'm about to have a little Ben and Jerry's.
8:39 H. Foley? Trying to get my fluffer number, right?
8:40 Speaker 02 Looking for a tablespoon and I'm like, fuck, you're gonna take my finger off. How am I gonna podcast?
8:44 H. Foley? Yeah, so what do you do? So you go-
8:46 Speaker 02 We're currently, if I had to guess-
8:48 H. Foley? Left to right.
8:49 Speaker 02 Where I think we're- Spoons, forks, knives.
8:52 H. Foley? Wow, that's crazy. I thought you were gonna give me shit, cuz I get yelled at, cuz I go, tablespoon? Teaspoon?
9:00 Speaker 02 You got, we only got three.
9:01 H. Foley? Three what?
9:02 Speaker 02 Separators. We can't separate the teaspoons from the tablespoon.
9:06 H. Foley? Oh, I got like-
9:06 Speaker 02 It's a mess in there.
9:07 H. Foley? I got tablespoon, teaspoon, big fork, little fork.
9:12 Speaker 02 You got two different-
9:13 H. Foley? Yeah, you got smaller forks.
9:15 Speaker 02 Who you, Martha Stewart? What the fuck?
9:16 H. Foley? Martha Stewart?
9:17 Speaker 02 Stewart? Stewart through beer?
9:19 H. Foley? Yeah, salad forks. We usually keep them chill-
9:21 Speaker 02 Use them for hamburgers.
9:25 H. Foley? Or dessert forks, wherever they are.
9:26 Speaker 02 Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
9:28 H. Foley? I do the big ones. She likes the little ones.
9:29 Speaker 02 You know what Denise has at the house, cuz she's accumulated over a lot of years at this point?
9:34 H. Foley? What?
9:35 Speaker 02 She's got double. She has like-
9:37 H. Foley? Oh, yeah, Patty's got-
9:38 Speaker 02 Two sets. She also has some, I go down there, she has some stuff from like, proper. It's gotta be from before I was born.
9:45 H. Foley? I like an old plate.
9:46 Speaker 02 I know, but I'm like, you still have this? Dude, there's a mug, or no, a plate that my sister made in like, second grade.
9:52 H. Foley? Ugh.
9:53 Speaker 02 And it's been through the, like, it was like, you wrote on marker, then they put like, lacquer on it or something?
9:57 H. Foley? That's not hung up, that was put in the service? Those are supposed to get put up in the room.
10:01 Speaker 02 Nah, that was-
10:03 H. Foley? Jesus.
10:03 Speaker 02 That was, Elio's was on that, could fit the whole, hold up, the whole three banger.
10:07 H. Foley? The drawing of you? All fucked up.
10:11 Speaker 02 It says, "I love my family," it's just like, three people fighting.
10:13 H. Foley? Man, no shit.
10:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's, I'm jammed up in that stuff. We're different, me and my wife are different people in that sense of like, I'm very like, crazy is the word, and she's a little more free spirited, doesn't matter, it's all mix and match. I'm not a mixy-matchy kinda guy.
10:27 H. Foley? I'm surprised, German-
10:28 Speaker 02 Stay in your lane.
10:29 H. Foley? Think you should be efficient and organized.
10:31 Speaker 02 Nah, she's a little more European, like artsy-
10:34 H. Foley? They'd be in a humidor or something like that.
10:35 Speaker 02 Sterilizing each one?
10:37 H. Foley? Sitting in that blue shit in the barber shop?
10:41 H. Foley? Okay, Lucas, do you have anything on this?
10:44 Speaker 03 Fork, spoon, knife, and then we have-
10:46 H. Foley? Fork, spoon, knife. We only have one type of spoon?
10:49 Speaker 03 Uh, it's like a frat house, cause like-
10:51 Speaker 02 He's living with kids.
10:52 Speaker 03 Yeah, we've had like, so many sets of roommates come in and out.
10:55 Speaker 02 Sure.
10:55 Speaker 03 There's ever-
10:56 Speaker 02 Oh, you're using other people's stuff.
10:57 Speaker 03 From like, yeah, five years ago, probably.
10:59 H. Foley? Wow.
11:00 Speaker 03 Yeah.
11:00 Speaker 02 That's no good. You gotta get out of there. That's not a, that's no bueno.
11:04 Speaker 03 I just did a Prime Day deal for new, uh, spatulas. That was big.
11:08 Speaker 02 They're saying, "Don't use those-"
11:09 H. Foley? They're tripping the lights fantastic down there, eh?
11:10 Speaker 02 Things must be going well.
11:12 H. Foley? Twenty-seven-year-old doing Prime Days. What the fuck? Get some drugs, will ya? What the hell's wrong with you?
11:19 Speaker 02 Call me up, I got a guy. Uh, but we got a guy starring in Family Episode on our hands, gang. As you know-
11:24 H. Foley? Yes, sir.
11:25 Speaker 02 When you sign up for the old Patreon over there, www.patreon.com. Shout out to the about thirteen thousand of yous that are over there, by the way. That's a goddamn army of garbage on there. Uh, you get, you get to ask a Patreon, uh, garbage question on Patreon. We will read it on the air, and we got some fucking home runs, gang.
11:43 H. Foley? Hit me!
11:44 Speaker 02 This one's from Richer. What up, Richie? "Hey, homies, never had one read. Is it garbage to hand in your application to McDonald's through the drive-thru window?" Dude, that is fucking crazy. Well, I got so many questions-
11:57 H. Foley? They got a sweet and sour sauce, too.
12:01 Speaker 02 "Don't screw me on a barbecue eater. I want fresh fries." Now, was he just, it makes sense if maybe you just loop in and go, "Hey, here..."
12:09 H. Foley? To drop it off.
12:10 Speaker 02 Or was he order-
12:10 H. Foley? You're not getting that job.
12:12 Speaker 02 I lie, that guy don't care.
12:13 H. Foley? Yeah, they do. That's the laziest shit I've ever heard in my life.
12:17 Speaker 02 But the guy taking the, the guy working the window isn't the guy making the, is it-
12:21 H. Foley? Hey, give this to Ronnie, will ya?
12:22 Speaker 02 Isn't making, give this, isn't making the, the decisions, you know what I mean?
12:25 H. Foley? Sure.
12:26 Speaker 02 So it's like, it just ends up in a, in the drawer or whatever.
12:29 H. Foley? Yeah.
12:29 Speaker 02 I assume you probably apply online now.
12:32 H. Foley? I don't know. I think there's always something to going in with a sharp shirt on, looking the guy in the eye, and filling out the application there and then handing it in.
12:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, we've talked about that. There was nothing worse than my mom making me put on fucking like my dad's khakis and my brother's golf shirt, and going in and going-
12:47 H. Foley? Golf shoes.
12:47 Speaker 02 "Are you guys hiring?" And then they're like, "Look-"
12:50 Speaker 03 Clacking.
12:52 Speaker 02 "I got a, I got a golf bag on my shoulder." I just, I ju, I just played nine. I figured I'd pop through on my day off and see if you guys are hiring.
13:04 Speaker 02 That's how successful I am. I golf, yes.
13:07 H. Foley? I just got fired from my office scrambling. Is that what they're called scrambles?
13:13 Speaker 02 That's part of it, yeah.
13:14 H. Foley? That's where you pick the best guy or something like that?
13:16 Speaker 02 Uh, yeah.
13:17 Speaker 03 Pick the best ball, yeah.
13:18 Speaker 02 The best ball, yeah.
13:19 H. Foley? Gotcha.
13:19 Speaker 03 Multiple types of scrambles you can do.
13:21 H. Foley? Always made me hungry.
13:23 Speaker 02 How about a western or something?
13:26 Speaker 02 Fucking over here dying.
13:28 H. Foley? Doing the Egg McMuffin this Sunday.
13:32 Speaker 02 Doing the bacon, egg, and cheese open. The Invitational.
13:36 H. Foley? Goddamn hotcakes classic. What's going on here? Hit me!
13:40 Speaker 02 That'd be the laziest game of fucking golf ever. Everybody eating pancakes, then going to walk 18.
13:47 H. Foley? I would die.
13:48 Speaker 02 I'd kill myself, dude.
13:49 H. Foley? Man, dude, pancake, I've told you, pancakes are like fucking two zany bars to me. I am fucking closed for business. You hit me with those. You know what they have now? I've been seeing on Instagram, they have these like griddle cakes. They're like pancakes, but they're a little bit different. They make them with like buckwheat or something like that. And they do like honey over top of them. They look like they're soaking in syrup.
14:14 Speaker 02 At McDonald's?
14:14 H. Foley? No.
14:16 Speaker 02 Yeah.
14:16 H. Foley? I think I'd be here, but he's just crazy.
14:18 Speaker 02 I'd be applying for a job at McDonald's. Hey, when's that employee discount kick in? Can you front me to 20%?
14:27 H. Foley? No, like fancy joints now, like fancy brunch places.
14:29 Speaker 02 Like a brunch spot.
14:30 H. Foley? Like a place you would eat at. They got these, dude, new, like new age pancakes.
14:35 Speaker 02 Get your hands on some of that. I just see you walking around brunch potter. You guys doing the new pancakes? Explaining it to them.
14:43 H. Foley? They look good. Yeah, that's a tough look, man. You're not getting that job.
14:47 Speaker 02 Man, I don't know. I understand what you're saying, but at the same time, maybe he's a customer to show when he's a brand loyalist, they want that guy working for you. He's in there getting the fucking number five or whatever. You know what I mean?
14:59 Speaker 03 What do you say at the intercom? Like, I have a job.
15:03 Speaker 02 Please play shorter. Nah, nah, I just pull around and talk to you. Or you order food, don't have the money to pay for it. This is awkward, but are you guys hiring? Yeah, that's uh, that's, I mean, you shouldn't be, you're probably park and walk in. I understand.
15:20 H. Foley? Park and walk in.
15:20 Speaker 02 Parking, well, it's 30 seconds.
15:22 H. Foley? What I would have to imagine happened is he got there, he parked, he walked in, filled it out in the car, and then just fucking zipped around.
15:31 Speaker 02 He just walks up, he's not even in a car. Excuse me for a second, I actually work here.
15:38 Speaker 02 I'm actually the general manager of this, uh, of this location.
15:42 H. Foley? I used to fucking hate filling out fucking resumes, man, that shit, or, uh, applications.
15:46 Speaker 02 They, listen, they, they still do it. I, you know, before, uh...
15:50 H. Foley? My penmanship is no abatement. Looks like I'm writing with my left hand.
15:53 Speaker 02 Dude, I always fucked up, like, some were, there was a lot of them were stock, like, you put all your contact, your name, whatever, your contact information in that first fucking block. And I always fucked up with like, first name, last name, full name, cause you think you'd be like, oh, I put my last name first, but then my last name is a first, so, eh, god, fuck it, I got lost in the shuffle a couple times.
16:13 H. Foley? Yeah, your address where your birthday's supposed to be.
16:17 H. Foley? Likes and dislikes, turn-ons, turn-offs.
16:20 Speaker 02 Scraping through, like, uh, it was brutal, but, uh...
16:22 H. Foley? Were you a whiteout guy? Sorry to interrupt you. Were you a whiteout kid? Were you banging a whiteout?
16:27 Speaker 02 No, for what?
16:28 H. Foley? I don't know, messing up.
16:30 Speaker 02 No, I mean, at that point, we had computers, like, you know.
16:34 H. Foley? That blows my mind.
16:35 Speaker 02 In elementary school, there was computers.
16:37 H. Foley? And you were doing your shit on compu- all on computers? Did you ever, did you ever turn in a handwritten theme or one of those?
16:43 Speaker 02 Theme?
16:43 H. Foley? A theme, a, a report.
16:47 Speaker 02 Not a report, not like, a report of any, so, like, elementary school, like, write a page on the bears or whatever, not, not dickies guys, fuck it, on the grizzly bear, or what, you know what I mean, like, pick an animal and write...
17:00 H. Foley? Bears are cool.
17:02 Speaker 02 I wanna be one.
17:04 H. Foley? I was all handwritten. My cursive back in the day was, I look like fucking Ben Franklin. Doing it up nice.
17:09 Speaker 02 Had syphilis. Fat guy with syphilis and bad eyes.
17:13 H. Foley? Getting electrocuted.
17:15 Speaker 02 Out there high. Flying a kite in a goddamn store.
17:18 H. Foley? With bad glasses. Okay, let's talk about DraftKings.
17:21 Speaker 02 DraftKings.
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18:47 H. Foley? Back to the show.
18:50 Speaker 04 It's me, the.
18:54 Speaker 04 We don't need the jingle twice.
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19:18 H. Foley? Kip, what's on about Rocket Money?
19:20 Speaker 02 Ooh, shout out to the Rocket Money.
19:22 H. Foley? What do you know about Rocket Money?
19:23 Speaker 02 I know it's saving me a couple two, three bucks.
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19:48 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's one of my favorite things. I get the weekly, weekly emails and it goes, you spent
19:52 H. Foley? The rundown.
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20:28 H. Foley? Do it. Gang, this is Mando.
20:29 Speaker 02 Woo, Mando.
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20:41 H. Foley? Especially if you're a big feller like me, you gotta get in the creases, in the nooks and crannies, as they call it.
20:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
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20:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, I was using it and then I ran out like a bozo. I forgot to, I forgot to re-up.
21:02 H. Foley? Oh, I'm stocked.
21:03 Speaker 02 And man, I smelled my balls one time when I was taking a piss. I could smell, it came up. I said, I gotta get my, I gotta get back on a Mando. The wife ain't gonna give you no of them.
21:11 H. Foley? You got a dead shark down there.
21:12 Speaker 02 With the stinky balls.
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21:24 H. Foley? The body wash is nice.
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21:34 Speaker 02 That equates to over 40% off your starter pack. Use the code GARBAGE at shopmando.com. That's S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O dot com. Please support the show and tell them we sent you. Smell fresher, stay drier, boost your confidence, and ain't got stinky balls from head to toe at Mando. Uh, God. All right, this one's from Jesse. $10 homie, never had one red. Ever leave your car running all night? That's fucking, dude, that's bad.
21:57 H. Foley? What? How's that possible?
21:59 Speaker 02 You shouldn't be driving, probably, if that's the case.
22:01 H. Foley? Oh, good, again, okay, forget it.
22:04 Speaker 02 But I guess if it's, well, here's my thing.
22:06 H. Foley? Doesn't it shut off?
22:07 Speaker 02 It'd run out of ga, like an old, like a car car, that runs out of gas.
22:11 H. Foley? Overnight, that runs out of gas, right?
22:13 Speaker 02 Nah, you got a full tank of gas, you can idle for six, eight hours.
22:16 H. Foley? You think?
22:17 Speaker 02 Yeah. Now, I think, I've, I get nervous sometimes, because this is the first car, the loom, the original loom, the OG loom, all three of them, actually, all the original OG.
22:27 H. Foley? You got a name for this girl yet?
22:29 Speaker 02 I don't. I'm taking my time with her, I'm figuring it all out. It's fucking sick, though, I love it.
22:34 H. Foley? Navy blue, I'd call her.
22:36 Speaker 02 I was nerv, I might paint her. I was a little nervous, driving it.
22:39 H. Foley? You have to change the name, then.
22:40 Speaker 02 Dude, it's so, midnight, it's white.
22:44 H. Foley? Ooh, midnight blue.
22:45 Speaker 02 I got in, and it was so crazy, dude, it took me immediately back to my, it's ident, everything's identical in there, and I went back to being 16. It was so fucking weird. Dude, the steering wheel feels, everything's identical, it's so fucking crazy.
23:02 H. Foley? Man, you have to ask your wife to leave the car so you can really feel like in high school.
23:06 Speaker 02 I'd make a move on it, she gets out. All right, I'll see you in school on Monday, bitch!
23:11 H. Foley? Turf the lawn.
23:16 Speaker 02 Yeah, now I have the, the push to start. And that, I always feel like I'm gonna leave that running. I get real nervous that it's-
23:25 H. Foley? It turns off.
23:26 Speaker 02 I know, but I still, I, cause even the Kia, every car I had up until this one, was a Kia. Even the Kia was, no, the Kia wasn't a Kia.
23:33 H. Foley? It was a fob.
23:35 Speaker 02 No, it was a Kia.
23:36 H. Foley? Wait, hold on, the Lumina's a Kia.
23:38 Speaker 02 The Lumina's a Kia with the little black chip on it, if you remember those.
23:41 H. Foley? Oh, yeah.
23:42 Speaker 02 It's a proper like, so was the Kia, the Kia was a Kia. It was that flip key that-
23:46 H. Foley? Man.
23:47 Speaker 02 Stick in.
23:48 H. Foley? Jesus.
23:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, it turned over right away on me.
23:51 H. Foley? I do the automatic start from the, uh, from my window in the apartment.
23:55 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
23:56 H. Foley? Even in the summer.
23:56 Speaker 02 As you look down on all the common folk, you're starting your car.
23:59 H. Foley? I don't like, cause I got, I want- I want it to be fresh in there when I get in there. I don't like that old stale smell.
24:05 Speaker 02 The fart you left in there.
24:07 H. Foley? That happened the other day, man. I was in there for like a weekend. Like, like a reservist. Just waiting for me.
24:14 Speaker 02 I'll lose the security deposit on that one.
24:15 Speaker 03 A car can idle for 35 hours.
24:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
24:18 H. Foley? What?
24:18 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's kinda crazy.
24:20 H. Foley? Man. Phew, that's crazy.
24:23 Speaker 02 Yeah.
24:23 H. Foley? I would be, I would not be able to figure out what the hell happened if I came out in the morning in a fucking car. Someone's stealing a car.
24:30 Speaker 02 I'd freak out, yeah.
24:31 H. Foley? Yeah.
24:31 Speaker 02 You get in, it's already on, what the fuck?
24:34 H. Foley? Goddamn transformer.
24:37 Speaker 02 Uh...
24:38 H. Foley? I'd start talking to it. I know you're alive, man!
24:42 Speaker 02 Can you read my thoughts?
24:45 Speaker 02 Uh, I just, it's from Folly Prepared. Is it garbage if your parents swap spouses with another couple? Stay with me, dot, dot, dot. Mom and dad got divorced when I was six. Mom remarried a guy, then my dad married that guy's ex-wife.
25:01 H. Foley? This isn't that, from doing the show, doing the live show for the last four years.
25:06 Speaker 02 We've seen a lot of that.
25:07 H. Foley? Some of the guests that we've had lately.
25:09 Speaker 02 Sure.
25:09 H. Foley? That's not that crazy anymore.
25:12 Speaker 02 It's, it's gotta be smaller town.
25:15 H. Foley? Sure.
25:15 Speaker 02 I doubt that's happening in Philadelphia, Chicago, Boston, New York, Los Angeles.
25:20 H. Foley? Well, when people are in like, you know, social groups.
25:22 Speaker 02 That's true.
25:23 H. Foley? You know?
25:24 Speaker 02 And also, listen, if I got divorced.
25:27 H. Foley? Yeah.
25:28 Speaker 02 And my wife married a guy.
25:30 H. Foley? Uh huh.
25:31 Speaker 02 I'd wanna at least talk to his ex-wife, be like, what these fucking, you know what I mean? So you at least get eyes on her.
25:36 H. Foley? If you didn't know them?
25:38 Speaker 02 What?
25:39 H. Foley? If you didn't know them?
25:39 Speaker 02 I would do a little poking around, at least.
25:42 H. Foley? Really?
25:43 Speaker 02 Yeah, you wanna, I mean, sure, you wanna know the players of the game.
25:48 H. Foley? Huh.
25:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, I, then you gotta swing, if that's the case. Everybody knows everything.
25:53 H. Foley? My buddy in college, his sister's husband, uh, had an affair. Is this right? His sister's husband had an affair. No, no, yeah, his sister's husband had an affair.
26:05 Speaker 02 Okay.
26:06 H. Foley? The wife of that guy, no, the husband, no, no, no. Yeah, her husband slept with some other broad. That lady's husband called his sister.
26:18 Speaker 02 And was like, "Hey, you wanna get in on this?"
26:20 H. Foley? Yeah.
26:20 Speaker 02 To get back at them?
26:21 H. Foley? Yeah.
26:22 Speaker 02 And maybe that, did that do it?
26:25 H. Foley? Is that what?
26:26 Speaker 02 Did that?
26:26 H. Foley? That turned me on a little bit?
26:28 Speaker 02 No, no, I mean, I'm fucking slipping out of my seat over here. Uh, I'm saying...
26:33 H. Foley? Talk about idling, huh?
26:35 Speaker 02 That might clear the thing a little bit. Of like, "All right, you got me, we got your back, let's all move forward." Amicably.
26:43 H. Foley? From what I remember, his sister freaked out and was like, "Don't ever call me again, you scum."
26:46 Speaker 02 You fucking pervert. Dude, getting called a pervert sucks.
26:53 Speaker 02 Dude, it hurts, even phonetically, pervert is a...
26:56 H. Foley? I didn't do nothing!
26:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, man, you call your aunt in the cookie jar.
27:00 H. Foley? That's a Catholic guilt, man.
27:01 Speaker 02 Pervert. You fucking per- what do you mean? You little perverts?
27:06 H. Foley? It's Baywatch, what the fuck?
27:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, I know it.
27:08 H. Foley? It's our goddamn network TV!
27:10 Speaker 02 Yeah. An aunt would hit you with a pervert every...
27:13 H. Foley? My uncle hit me with it.
27:14 Speaker 02 My Aunt Patty, "What are you, a per- you perverts?" Hitting you with a dish towel or whatever.
27:19 H. Foley? Fucking can't jerk off for eight years, no shit.
27:22 Speaker 02 Put the fear of God in me, lady.
27:24 H. Foley? Fucking bastard.
27:25 Speaker 02 Perverts.
27:26 H. Foley? Got me all fucked up. Now I'm in therapy!
27:28 Speaker 02 Uh-huh.
27:29 H. Foley? Um...
27:31 H. Foley? There's social structures of couples.
27:37 Speaker 02 I got a story, I got it. I don't know if I ever told you this. We were all real young, staying in my aunt's house. My aunt Patty's house, down in Shore.
27:46 H. Foley? You're whacking it.
27:48 Speaker 02 I was a little too young. I was a little too young, but-
27:51 H. Foley? What's too young?
27:53 Speaker 02 Eighteen, nineteen. I was saving myself for marriage. I got damn Catholic.
28:00 H. Foley? I was open for business kindergarten. I've told you that. Yeah, I'd rub my willy on the linoleum floor in the basement.
28:07 Speaker 02 I'm sure the janitor loved that.
28:08 H. Foley? It was in my house.
28:10 Speaker 02 You're a dishwasher. Ah shit, here comes that fat pervert again.
28:17 H. Foley? Nice cold floor.
28:18 Speaker 02 Woo, cold floor will get ya.
28:23 H. Foley? Shit. Hey, I'll be over in produce for a couple of minutes, Patty.
28:29 H. Foley? Make sure they slice the turkey thin this week.
28:31 Speaker 02 You're laying on the ground mushing your wiener, squeezing a grapefruit.
28:37 Speaker 02 Got a papaya open.
28:40 H. Foley? Fuck me, dude. Yeah, I'd ride down at my first house. I'd rub it on there.
28:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, but I mean, you're not, you don't know what you're, just know that feels. You just know that. I was maybe-
28:51 H. Foley? I knew it was wrong. I didn't want anybody to see me. If I heard anybody at the top of the steps, I would stop.
28:56 Speaker 02 Little pervert. Yeah, well, your dad wasn't doing it. You knew it was wrong.
29:00 H. Foley? I don't think I learned it from him.
29:03 Speaker 02 Ah, that boy's a foley.
29:07 Speaker 02 That boy got a little hound dog in him.
29:08 H. Foley? Woo wee. God damn.
29:11 Speaker 02 That boy a freak.
29:12 H. Foley? Rub my little willy. And it was weird. I knew to do it until a certain point. Like, I knew, I knew I was working towards something.
29:20 Speaker 02 Cat's in ya. That's fucking millions of years of animalistic primal attraction.
29:25 H. Foley? Procreation, huh? Boy's got a little reptile in him.
29:34 H. Foley? Goddamn right. Alright, so you had your Aunt Patty's.
29:40 Speaker 02 Um, and so a lot of teenage boys stay in there, right? Just my, it's all like the, it's like we would, we were like, it'd be the summer, everybody was working.
29:52 H. Foley? I got you, yeah, yeah.
29:53 Speaker 02 My Aunt Patty would be down there and there would be like fucking eight kids or whatever, you know what I mean?
29:57 H. Foley? Little heathens running around.
29:58 Speaker 02 Sure.
29:59 H. Foley? Smelling like BO and hormones.
30:01 Speaker 02 Also, I don't know if I ever told you this, we used to play basketball in her backyard.
30:04 H. Foley? Naked?
30:05 Speaker 02 In the grass.
30:07 H. Foley? Oh, that's some poor shit.
30:10 H. Foley? You fucking pistol peach.
30:14 Speaker 03 Something from Alabama, like.
30:15 Speaker 02 Yeah.
30:16 H. Foley? Shooting into a fucking peach basket?
30:18 Speaker 02 I remember, dude, there was a playground like six blocks away and we'd be in the backyard playing basketball.
30:24 H. Foley? That's how you get your dribble on point.
30:27 H. Foley? Take that to the hard court, fucking start breaking ankles.
30:29 Speaker 03 Talk about a free range shooter.
30:31 Speaker 02 Um, yeah, I didn't, uh, I, I look at, that just hit me, I was like, what the fuck? We used to play basketball in the dirt. Crazy.
30:39 H. Foley? Jesus.
30:40 Speaker 02 I don't know, dude, there was playgrounds, there was a school right across the street.
30:44 H. Foley? Man.
30:44 Speaker 02 But, um, I don't think we were allowed over there maybe, or like certain kids weren't, I, I don't remember. But, I'm getting sidetracked here, someone relieved themselves of their pleasurable, you know? Somebody came to the.
30:59 H. Foley? I got you.
31:00 Speaker 02 The, the guilty.
31:01 H. Foley? The devils got their hands on them.
31:03 Speaker 02 Sure.
31:03 H. Foley? Sure.
31:04 Speaker 02 Um, and.
31:06 H. Foley? Where?
31:07 Speaker 02 So this is how it all, this is how it all unfolded. And I, dude, no one in my family's probably ever told, I heard this from my cousins. My old, like my brother's age cousins.
31:16 H. Foley? Uh huh.
31:16 Speaker 02 So, my aunt had just bought a brand new pair of sheets, put them on the, put them on the guest room bed, right? She probably like, you know.
31:26 H. Foley? Somebody broke those fuckers in?
31:28 Speaker 02 Yeah, these are from pennies or something, like they were like nice for some, I don't know, like she had clocked these, like, there was probably 15 pair, like sheets in the house, like from over 25, 30 years or whatever. But this was like, I just bought these sheets, I put them on and then like came back two, three days, something happened and the sheets were changed. And she's like, I know I set them with my new, I know I made this bed with these new sheets I got from pennies, I had to coupon. So then she's...
31:56 H. Foley? Got like G.I. Joe sheets on them. From a single bed?
32:01 H. Foley? It's a queen, they're all stretched out. It's just towels. I don't know what you're talking about here Patty.
32:07 Speaker 02 No, I didn't even have a bed. I was a little man on the totem pole. They just used to put us in the third floor attic. No fucking, no air conditioner up there, just one of those little triangle window fans. I remember looking back, I was just talking to my cousin Sean about it. I go, "We all could have fucking died up there." Like, proper August, middle of August, down the shore.
32:25 H. Foley? Fucking carbon dioxide poisoning.
32:27 Speaker 02 The house didn't have central air, so it was just like a few window units in the house.
32:30 H. Foley? Jesus Christ.
32:31 Speaker 02 And I used to sleep on one of those, uh...
32:33 H. Foley? Basketball in the dirt, sleeping in the attic? Fucking...
32:36 Speaker 02 That's all they had, they were doing it...
32:38 H. Foley? Ejaculate on sheets?
32:39 Speaker 02 So whatever, yeah, we're like, "You got a lot going on here."
32:44 Speaker 02 So whoever did their business...
32:46 H. Foley? Uh-huh.
32:46 Speaker 02 Took the sheets and hid them in the attic. Upstate, like, put them behind a box or something, remade the bed, thought mum was the word. Little did they know, these were Patty's new sheets.
32:55 H. Foley? Sure.
32:56 Speaker 02 And she ain't springing for sheets every weekend, you know what I mean?
32:58 H. Foley? Penny's nonetheless.
32:59 Speaker 02 I know.
33:00 H. Foley? Penny's was banging.
33:02 Speaker 02 So, it starts, I, the, the ripples...
33:06 H. Foley? Everybody's in the house.
33:08 Speaker 02 A lot of people, this is like, it's like a flop house.
33:10 H. Foley? But it's going on, this, this investigation is happening in real time.
33:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
33:14 H. Foley? This wasn't a cold case, and she found it like in the fall.
33:17 Speaker 02 No.
33:18 H. Foley? Okay.
33:18 Speaker 02 This is, this is still a hot crime scene, you know what I mean? So she finds and stuff, like hid it, and she's like, "Why the fu-" and then, I guess, I don't know, solve, put two and two together. Someone had, you know... Someone went to Naughtyville and, you know... So she trashed the sheets, I think, and maybe she still uses them, I don't know.
33:40 H. Foley? Nah, no way she trashed them.
33:41 Speaker 02 No, I don't know.
33:42 H. Foley? Penny's?
33:43 Speaker 02 Talking to the cleaners.
33:44 H. Foley? A little hot water, be alright.
33:45 Speaker 02 And so it was, I think she went to...
33:47 H. Foley? A little hot water and a trip to the, trip to the archbishops.
33:51 Speaker 02 Get these things blessed.
33:53 H. Foley? Get the Monts senior to get the fucking devil off of these things.
33:56 Speaker 02 And now, they, she goes to somebody, I don't know who. But she goes to somebody in the, in the, the, the age group above me.
34:07 H. Foley? Of course.
34:07 Speaker 02 Of like, I was too, it would be like, it's, it's clearly one of the thirteen-year-old, fourteen-year-old boys.
34:13 H. Foley? That would make you a real perv if it was you.
34:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm fucking, I'm seven. Not even sleeping in that bed.
34:20 H. Foley? Seven already dropping loads.
34:21 Speaker 02 Well, then it, well, it was all-
34:22 H. Foley? This kid's got a little testosterone in him.
34:24 Speaker 02 That's why my hair's falling out. Uh...
34:28 H. Foley? Jeez.
34:29 Speaker 02 It was then real easy because who slept in that? Who was in that room at that-
34:34 H. Foley? Or who was sleeping good at night, huh?
34:37 Speaker 02 He got six, he got eight and a half hours last night, slept like a baby.
34:40 H. Foley? Go find the kid passed out on the couch.
34:43 Speaker 02 Wiping his mouth.
34:44 H. Foley? Smoking a cigarette. Woo, hey, Patty!
34:47 Speaker 02 Tapping his stomach. Let's go with them eggs, girl!
34:53 H. Foley? Ah, I feel loose. I don't know what it is.
34:55 Speaker 02 That was like a great night's sleep, huh, gang?
35:03 H. Foley? Here's your Women's Day magazine, right? Found it in the attic. Okay.
35:08 Speaker 02 So then, they all started-
35:11 H. Foley? Rattling each other out?
35:12 Speaker 02 No, they were all like, it was, and also, that group is thick as thieves.
35:17 H. Foley? Uh huh.
35:17 Speaker 02 Right? Like, they're like, I ain't fucking, they're no rats. You know what I mean?
35:21 H. Foley? I mean, you'd have to assume that all of them had jerked off in the last forty-eight hours.
35:26 Speaker 02 Sure, one of them was doing it at the, during the conversation.
35:29 H. Foley? I got no idea.
35:31 Speaker 02 Um, so then it all came, it ended up being a guy of the same, a gentleman of the same age group, but in quasi-part of the fa- a little bit of extended family who was there for-
35:44 H. Foley? Whoa.
35:45 Speaker 02 A night or two, and they were like, well, what the, we, they were like, we sleep in the, you keep us in the fucking meat locker, what are you talking about?
35:51 H. Foley? But it was a kid?
35:52 Speaker 02 It was a, it was a teenage boy who-
35:55 H. Foley? Friend of the family?
35:56 Speaker 02 Friend of the fam-
35:56 H. Foley? Well, that's not that bad. At least not family.
35:59 Speaker 02 Fucking grab a paper, that's what my cousin told me, because everybody does it, because I was like, young, he goes, I mean, everybody does it, but get a paper towel or something.
36:06 H. Foley? He had no idea what he meant?
36:07 Speaker 02 Shout out to my cousin Liam, fucking put me on, fucking, put me on the right path at a young age.
36:14 H. Foley? Sitting you down?
36:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, he's like, I mean, everybody, we were walking on the Wildwoods boardwalk.
36:17 H. Foley? You got a pair of socks?
36:18 Speaker 02 He goes, I mean, everybody does it, but you get a paper towel. He's like thirteen. Talk, talk to me, he's like a sixty-year-old guy. I mean, a man's gonna, a man's gonna do what a man's gonna do.
36:30 H. Foley? He's chewing on an unlit cigar.
36:34 Speaker 02 He's got a racing forum in his hand.
36:37 H. Foley? Hey, we've all been there, huh? Yeah, you know?
36:39 Speaker 02 Hey, listen, I like the flesh just as much as the next guy.
36:42 H. Foley? Aw, man, that's tough.
36:43 Speaker 02 Yeah.
36:44 H. Foley? Yikes.
36:45 Speaker 02 Tough, tough, tough.
36:46 H. Foley? Man. Anything with that shit.
36:49 Speaker 02 I don't even know how we got there.
36:50 H. Foley? Catholic was just, he killed ya.
36:53 Speaker 02 Yeah. I was a little more removed from the, I didn't get it, the Catholic shit like they got it. I was, they had Catholic school, I was the CCD, so I was a little more fucking, a little more weekend warrior.
37:04 H. Foley? Part-time guy.
37:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, I didn't buy into it at all.
37:09 Speaker 02 Let's go with the presents, dog, let's roll.
37:11 H. Foley? Shit makes no sense.
37:13 Speaker 02 You all fucking believe this?
37:16 Speaker 02 Ah, man, alright, let's see this. This one's from Astoria Foam Cutters, Local 403.
37:22 H. Foley? There you go.
37:23 Speaker 02 You ever been involved or at the scene of a car crash and not been wearing shoes? That's a fucking, you don't belong there. That's a home run. Standing there in shards of glass and shit.
37:36 H. Foley? Yeah, anybody, when something like that would happen, when you were a kid,
37:44 H. Foley? back in the day, if there was some type of commotion, like say you were all your cousins, and you're swimming, or you're fucking, you know, you're running around in the backyard, and something like that would happen.
37:54 Speaker 02 Everybody went out.
37:55 H. Foley? That was like the greatest show on TV. Everybody come out, and this one come out, and, hey, he did this, he did that. We've had a couple, we had a couple of things like that. Here the screeching, and then run out. Everybody's getting involved, like somebody's walking with like a little blood on their head or something like that.
38:13 Speaker 02 Sit down, sit down.
38:15 H. Foley? Yeah, we'll call for ya, we'll call.
38:17 Speaker 02 You're calling, you're calling, and there's like relay down the fucking...
38:21 H. Foley? You know, there's some drunk running away.
38:24 Speaker 02 And reporting his car stolen up in fences.
38:28 Speaker 02 I've been home this whole time.
38:29 H. Foley? Do you need an ambulance? I need an alibi lady, alright? Everybody sit the fuck down and finish dinner.
38:34 Speaker 02 Let's get our stories straight. I've been here all fucking night.
38:38 H. Foley? Your cousin Al? Yeah, that was fucking, that was big news, man.
38:43 Speaker 02 Yeah, for sure, for sure. We never really had anything like that.
38:49 Speaker 02 We, I mean, we grew up in a cul-de-sac, so it was like, there was no real...
38:52 H. Foley? No Main Street action.
38:53 Speaker 02 Yeah, no exterior type shit.
38:55 H. Foley? Yeah, we were near the, my cousins were near the turnpike. So you would just, every once in a while, just hear a, "Boo-boo!" a big pop.
39:03 Speaker 02 And you wait for the pop?
39:04 H. Foley? Mm-hmm, and then the, then the dads would fucking run down there, whatever, you know what I mean? See what's going on, see what, you know, who needed help or whatever.
39:11 Speaker 02 Yeah.
39:11 H. Foley? Um, man, and a car accident with fucking no shoes on, Jesus Christ.
39:16 Speaker 02 That's, you're jammed up.
39:17 H. Foley? You're trash.
39:18 Speaker 02 Shh, yeah, a hundred percent.
39:20 H. Foley? Cause there's only, either you're driving with no shoes on, you're in the back of a car with no shoes on.
39:25 Speaker 02 You should at least have, or you've been thrown out of your shoes, which means you were over the speed limit.
39:31 H. Foley? No, I assumed, I assumed it was somebody that wasn't involved in the accident that ran out from the backyard. From killing fucking, uh, the lightning bugs or something like that, to see what's going on.
39:43 Speaker 02 Uh, I remember I was in one on, I wanna say it was Christmas Day. Christmas Day, or something, it must've been Thanksgiving Day. I was going down to get mashed potatoes from this restaurant that we used to lean on a little bit.
39:55 H. Foley? Wait, what? Christmas Day?
39:57 Speaker 02 It was Thanksgiving Day.
39:59 H. Foley? You couldn't make your own mashed potatoes?
40:01 Speaker 02 My mom would be cooking for like forty, and we would, it would be like the backup mashed potatoes. Like, she would do her batch, but there'd be so many people.
40:08 H. Foley? Then you'd hit the Popeyes.
40:10 Speaker 02 No, it was this restaurant that my stepdad's friend owned or whatever.
40:14 H. Foley? They were open on Christmas, or Thanksgiving Day?
40:16 Speaker 02 We would take their chairs, we'd take everything. Dude eating in a restaurant chair?
40:20 H. Foley? Credit card machine?
40:21 Speaker 02 At my mom's house.
40:23 H. Foley? You got mints at the front door?
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41:26 H. Foley? I always wanted one of those at the house.
41:27 Speaker 02 What?
41:28 H. Foley? A bus tub.
41:29 Speaker 02 Yeah.
41:30 H. Foley? Be sweet, destroy your dishes in there, leave it for the next shift.
41:33 Speaker 02 Your mom comes in, what the fuck?
41:36 H. Foley? And do my side work. Adam and Eve, Kippy!
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42:01 Speaker 02 Even Prince wrote new stuff.
42:03 H. Foley? Yeah, no kidding. Gang, we love Adam and Eve over here. Get yourself something fun, sent to the house, discreet packaging and have a little fun in the boudoir. Or do it in the goddamn kitchen if the kids are out in the house.
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42:24 H. Foley? I got three words for you, anal beads.
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43:01 H. Foley? Yes. Kimmy, this is PDS Debt.
43:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
43:04 H. Foley? Let's talk about debt for a second. We've all been jammed up. I'm jammed up right now, gang. No one wants to think about debt, but the cold, hard truth is that many of us are gonna get deeper and deeper in the debt during the holidays.
43:17 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
43:18 H. Foley? Last year, half of the American consumers took on debt to pay for the holidays. This year, could be you, could be me.
43:25 Speaker 02 Could be me, yeah.
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44:06 H. Foley? There you go.
44:07 Speaker 02 That's pdsdebt.com, P D S D E B T dot com slash garbage. PDSdebt.com slash garbage. Do it. Yeah. I remember I was working at Giuseppe's in Rich Barrow. I was too young to be working as many hours as I was working. It was like, I was working like 10 hour shifts. I'd go in it, I, dude, it was nuts. I'd go in at like noon and work until like 10, 11 at night and...
44:31 H. Foley? Good. Fat little bastard.
44:33 Speaker 02 I've seen dinner rolls the whole fucking night. But I remember, that's, this is when I first realized I was working too hard and it just like...
44:41 H. Foley? Fuck are you talking?
44:43 Speaker 02 I was waking up and you know how like when you're...
44:45 H. Foley? Hey, what's it all about, Charlie? I don't know. Thinking about cashing it in, heading down to Florida. Fucking 12 years old.
44:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, I was probably younger than 12 and uh...
44:54 H. Foley? Bad knees.
44:56 Speaker 02 Doctor says my zyotic is working up. If I don't stop now, I'll never bust again.
45:00 H. Foley? I don't want to end up like old man Giuseppe, he's 28.
45:05 Speaker 02 Um, they, uh, I was having dreams, cause I was like, you know, like you take your homework, you're like dreaming about? I was so, such a nervous kid and so fucking anxious and they ran a tight ship, the Giuseppe did. I remember this one old fat bitch yelled at me a bunch. And I saw her working at Burger King, "You had it coming." Um...
45:24 H. Foley? You tell the story like it's Vietnam.
45:27 Speaker 02 I was a tense kid. I just, I was so, you know, like you go into that Friday night restaurant? And that's like, as a young kid, they're like, that's a teen, they might as well be in the army.
45:38 H. Foley? See, I didn't have that when I was a kid and I worked at busy restaurants. I didn't give a fuck. This had nothing to do with me.
45:44 Speaker 02 No, I always...
45:44 H. Foley? It'll get done when it gets done. It wasn't until I started taking drugs and needed the money, where I was like, "Hey, we gotta get this..."
45:51 Speaker 02 "We gotta figure this thing out, I gotta keep this gravy train rolling." "I'm doing whippets in the walk-in."
45:56 H. Foley? "Keep these tables moving."
45:58 Speaker 02 Um, I was having dreams that there was bus pans in my bed, full bus pans, by my, by my feet. And I remember waking up and moving the color, it was green, it was a green comforter. I remember pulling it away, looking for the bus pan by my feet and I remember, it hit, the TV was still on.
46:13 H. Foley? Seems there's any sketties left there.
46:15 Speaker 02 The TV was still on, I went, "What the fuck old am I?" I'm like, "This is, I'm taking my, taking my work home with me."
46:23 H. Foley? You open a bottle of Bushmills and think it's John.
46:26 Speaker 02 A forecut, he's in a tall boy. Ah, God, yeah.
46:32 Speaker 02 Um, alright, let's see here. Uh, this was from Willie Kostigan Jr., great name.
46:39 H. Foley? Home run.
46:39 Speaker 02 Great fucking name.
46:40 H. Foley? Dropping your O's on the weekends.
46:42 Speaker 02 Uh, $10 passive investor, how you doing?
46:45 H. Foley? Love it.
46:46 Speaker 02 You's ever accidentally knock yourself out?
46:50 Speaker 02 I mean, that's a homerun, kid. Uh, I haven't.
46:56 H. Foley? Have you ever been knocked out?
46:58 Speaker 02 Mm-mm. I don't think so.
46:59 H. Foley? I saw, I saw stars once.
47:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, I've been like, you get hit and you're like, nah, I'm not fucking, I'm not locked in, I'm a little wonky-tonky.
47:07 H. Foley? I've not remembered. I've had bits and pieces, and I'm not a blackout drunk kinda guy. Sometimes. Every once in a while.
47:14 Speaker 02 Sure about that?
47:16 H. Foley? Where I don't, where I can't remember?
47:18 Speaker 02 It'll take me, when it comes to drinking, it'll take me like, oh yeah, I forgot we stopped there for a slice of, or like, it, like, I'll be, I need to be reminded.
47:25 H. Foley? I never ran into a wall or anything like that and, and got knocked out.
47:29 Speaker 02 No, one time, the closest I ever came, the, the, not in me, I was, we were, I was loading a pickup truck with my brother, something we shouldn't have been loading. There's these things called hijacks, and it's like a, imagine like a forklift, but like a, you crank it up.
47:44 H. Foley? Fucking rookie, I know what a goddamn hijack is.
47:46 Speaker 02 I don't know why you're thinking of it.
47:47 H. Foley? Think I never had my hands in the dirt?
47:48 Speaker 02 I don't know why you're taking offense to this. Too busy doing perks at a fucking Red Robin, fucking waiting tables.
47:56 H. Foley? By the way, we gotta talk about this, this is just a couple of weeks ago, I fucking goddamn TGI Fridays is closing.
48:02 Speaker 02 Filing for bankruptcy or something.
48:03 H. Foley? What the fuck? What the hell is going on?
48:06 Speaker 02 I don't know.
48:06 Speaker 03 They have this crazy thing, they only have five or 10 million dollars in cash, and there's like 50 million dollars worth of gift cards out there. So like, and they're about to declare bankruptcy, so you gotta use your gift cards now, people.
48:18 H. Foley? Yeah, let's go. There you go.
48:21 Speaker 02 When are they closed? Find out more information on when they close.
48:23 H. Foley? We got no gift cards.
48:24 Speaker 02 Go, go fucking, these guys need the cash, you get half-priced beers, I'm sure.
48:28 H. Foley? Man.
48:29 Speaker 02 They can't be running like happy hours, you gotta be paying.
48:32 H. Foley? Where'd you read that? Rich Guy Quarterly?
48:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, that was, that was, that was merger and acquisitions weekly.
48:37 H. Foley? Big time.
48:38 Speaker 03 It's in my newsletter.
48:39 Speaker 02 That's in, that's in back, that's in.
48:40 H. Foley? I'm gonna make a move.
48:41 Speaker 02 Backdoor information. They're gonna do a short squeeze on it.
48:47 Speaker 02 It's gonna be a coup.
48:48 H. Foley? This guy's short selling the Chili's.
48:50 Speaker 02 But someone will probably come in and buy that. Like, that's what happened with Bed Bath & Beyond or whatever.
48:54 Speaker 03 So, there's 39 owned by TGIF, but then, there's like 80 franchises, so like, people just own those themselves.
49:01 H. Foley? Then the franchises will still be there?
49:03 Speaker 03 Yeah, the franchises are still there.
49:04 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
49:05 H. Foley? But still...
49:06 Speaker 03 That fucks the franchises, cuz they're like, "We don't wanna honor these gift cards." Cuz like, that's all, that's all, all that money's going to TGIF.
49:13 Speaker 02 That goes up to corporate, not the local guy.
49:16 H. Foley? So if I get a TGI Fridays gift card, and I go to one that's franchised, and I pay with that, they don't get that money?
49:23 Speaker 03 I'm sure they'll honor it, I'm sure there's some sort of deal there, but no. Like, that, the money, the $200 if you gotta give, maybe $25?
49:31 H. Foley? Wait, hold on. Forget about the bankruptcy, forget about that stuff. Some TGI Fridays are owned by corporate, some are owned by franchise. If I'm given a TGI Fridays gift card as a gift, and I go to a TGI Fridays, I don't know who owns it, corporate, franchise, fucking the Saudis, whoever, I don't know who the fuck owns it.
49:49 Speaker 02 Saudis wouldn't be going out of business. They got their cash to keep that thing afloat, okay?
49:53 H. Foley? And I pay, there's a chance that they might say, "Hey, we don't take TGI Fridays gift cards."
49:57 Speaker 03 No, I'm sure there's no chance that they wouldn't take it, but...
49:59 H. Foley? They'll all lose it.
50:00 Speaker 03 I don't know. I don't know the logistics of there.
50:04 Speaker 02 Yeah, huh.
50:05 H. Foley? Man, okay. But still, that's sad.
50:07 Speaker 02 I love a TGI Friday. One of the best memories I have in life is eating at that TGI Fridays in Altoona, Pennsylvania with you.
50:13 H. Foley? One of your best in life?
50:15 Speaker 02 That was a great meal.
50:16 H. Foley? Get you out of the house. I was high on drugs.
50:18 Speaker 02 You also did coke all weekend, and made me hang out by myself.
50:22 H. Foley? You fucking rat, shut up! I know it was you jerking off of them sheets, too. You start throwing stones at me. Um, original TGI Fridays, I believe, Upper East Side of New York.
50:34 Speaker 03 I, yes, you're right.
50:35 H. Foley? Where they filmed Cocktail.
50:37 Speaker 03 Yes, and Tom, they had like, very good bartenders, and that's where Tom Cruise learned how to bartend for the movie.
50:43 Speaker 02 Shout out to it.
50:44 H. Foley? The original mozzarella steak.
50:47 Speaker 02 That guy.
50:47 H. Foley? Some fucking broad on the Upper East Side that works at an office down in Midtown, takes her heels off and then puts her sneakers on to go home, lives alone with her cat.
50:56 Speaker 02 Okay, talking about someone you know, yikes.
51:01 H. Foley? Man.
51:01 Speaker 02 Machi, machi.
51:02 H. Foley? Uh, what was the question?
51:03 Speaker 02 I forget, um...
51:08 Speaker 02 I don't know. How did we get there?
51:12 Speaker 03 I don't know.
51:13 Speaker 02 I don't know either. Either way, this is a perfect segue. This is how the show works.
51:18 H. Foley? Hit me.
51:18 Speaker 02 This is from Justin, longtime $10 homie, never had one read. Are you garbage who are valet parking attendant at a TJI Fridays while in college?
51:26 H. Foley? Whoa.
51:26 Speaker 02 I worked for a third-party company that provided valet services to local restaurants and nightclubs. One of those was a TJI Fridays at the bottom of an office building with limited parking options.
51:34 H. Foley? That's a nice Fridays right there.
51:36 Speaker 02 You gotta feel like a million bucks. You pull up there, happy hour, toss the keys.
51:41 H. Foley? Lot of the Sabres in that parking lot, I bet.
51:43 Speaker 02 Ford Fusions or whatever. Lot of those company cars.
51:47 H. Foley? The Cadillacs that had the, like, the Phil Liato car, they had the, the, the wheel was on the outside.
51:53 Speaker 02 Sure.
51:54 H. Foley? On the trunk. I would never.
51:56 Speaker 02 Nice rag top.
51:57 H. Foley? Had to figure out how to fucking get that thing off. The wire wheels.
52:01 Speaker 02 I don't think. It was in there, though, wasn't it? It wasn't on the outside. That was just like a case.
52:05 H. Foley? It was sticking out.
52:06 Speaker 02 Yeah, but I think it was a case.
52:07 H. Foley? No, you could see the actual wheel. You could see the hubcap.
52:10 Speaker 02 I don't know. Not one of those Guineas you roll with. Goddamn Irish-American. Alright? We drove, we drove fucking four Thorises.
52:19 H. Foley? I like a Cadillac.
52:20 Speaker 02 Not, not those Saul trains.
52:24 Speaker 02 Um, alright, that's, that's in the same realm here. This is from Uncle Zachary, $10 union member. Is it garbage you get cut off at the bar at an Outback Steakhouse? I respect it. If you can't let your hair down at a fucking American chain casual dining restaurant, where can you do it?
52:41 H. Foley? I'm surprised they do.
52:43 Speaker 02 You gotta, you gotta be a 100% jerk off.
52:47 H. Foley? I told you about when.
52:48 Speaker 02 You have to be a dick.
52:49 H. Foley? Yes.
52:49 Speaker 02 You're probably not drunk, but it's probably like, ah, you fucking, you're causing a scene.
52:53 H. Foley? I will say this, as someone worked at a corporate place, Devon, which also is closing, by the way. 25 years in business. I had nothing to do with it. I wonder what's gonna go in there. That place is great. They have strict rules about that stuff. Like, like I think legally, you're only supposed to be, give somebody a certain amount of alcohol or a certain amount of drinks. Six drinks, seven drinks, whatever it is. And you gotta be causing trouble for them to-
53:19 Speaker 02 I'm not going there.
53:21 H. Foley? You gotta be causing trouble to reinforce that. But when I was in Wilkes-Barre, uh, a couple of months ago, and I went to that wedding and we stayed, remember I was telling you?
53:29 Speaker 02 Sure.
53:30 H. Foley? And we went to Texas Longhorns or Texas Roadhouse. Man, their drinks, they are fucking sneakers.
53:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
53:37 H. Foley? Cause they're sweet as shit and then all of a sudden you're fucking falling into your loaded mashed potatoes.
53:43 Speaker 02 It's like Bacardi and Sunkist. Gets you fucking twisted, dog.
53:49 H. Foley? Bacardi's Sunkist and fucking Sunkist. Promethazine.
53:54 Speaker 02 Zip and scissor.
53:56 H. Foley? All fucked up.
53:57 Speaker 02 Uh.
53:57 Speaker 03 They got all those deals though. It's cheap as hell to get drunk there.
54:00 Speaker 02 The dollar margaritas and shit like that?
54:01 H. Foley? Those scary margaritas or whatever they're serving. The blue ones, that's, that, that was popping?
54:07 Speaker 03 I feel like that is, where is that? Applebee's maybe or more?
54:10 H. Foley? Somewhere. Those things look good.
54:13 Speaker 02 Shut up. I love, I'm-
54:14 H. Foley? Just go in there and get fucked up.
54:16 Speaker 02 Yeah, say that in a high top booth. Or like a high top round table. Ooh, pop out for a heater every now and then? Can't tell me shit. Uh, alright, let's see here. Uh, this one's just funny. This is from Tootie's Tits. $10 bozo, $10 bozo. "Is it garbage if your credit card gets declined on your AYG Patreon automatic? PS, it was a Venmo credit card."
54:39 H. Foley? Ooh.
54:39 Speaker 02 "As a Venmo credit card holder myself, shut up to it."
54:42 H. Foley? You still got that?
54:43 Speaker 02 Still got that. They keep increasing the limit.
54:45 H. Foley? What do you have now?
54:46 Speaker 02 Keep lying about my income.
54:47 H. Foley? 25 bucks?
54:48 Speaker 02 Um, I don't know what it is. Last I checked, I think it was, uh, 7,500? Yeah. I lost the card though.
54:55 H. Foley? It's a lot of slices of pizza.
54:56 Speaker 02 Oh, loves some pizza.
54:58 H. Foley? I'm in in the Venmo thing.
55:00 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
55:02 H. Foley? Everything's pizza.
55:03 Speaker 02 Sure. "If you've ever received a payment from me for work nefarious reasons, or I'm actually paying you back, it's pizza or a house."
55:10 H. Foley? A lot of pizza at 4 a.m.
55:12 Speaker 02 I do eat a lot of pizza at 4 a.m. if we're being honest. Um, alright, let's see here. This is from Lippy Kippy. "20 dollar, homie. Is it garbage if your dad was the best man at your mom's first wedding?"
55:26 Speaker 02 Oh.
55:26 H. Foley? Again, that's like the first question. Then they got divorced and he fucking snuck in there.
55:31 Speaker 02 But that's the boy moved in there.
55:33 H. Foley? No, your dad was, dad was your, was the best man at your mom's first wedding.
55:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, that'd be like, if you were my best man, I got divorced and you married my wife. That's a little different than another couple.
55:44 H. Foley? Sure, but it's the same thing. And I'm telling you, those older couples from our parents' generation back, they, they rolled in like prides and packs. It was like four or five families that were all tight, that lived in a neighborhood or worked together or whatever. They were all hanging out.
56:03 Speaker 02 It's like in The Patriot, when the wife died, he starts banging his sister.
56:07 H. Foley? Did he?
56:07 Speaker 02 Yeah.
56:08 H. Foley? Mel Gibson?
56:08 Speaker 02 Yeah.
56:09 H. Foley? That blonde had to let he was his sister?
56:10 Speaker 02 Was her sister.
56:12 H. Foley? Oh, that's right.
56:13 Speaker 02 Ah, P C, it's back in the day, 1776. I mean, what the fuck you gonna do? Ain't no Tinder, daddy-o. You got a nice roll in the hay right there.
56:25 H. Foley? Little Tom Jones on the A-track, what are you gonna do? Got into the mead early. No, but.
56:33 Speaker 02 A ponytail like that?
56:35 H. Foley? Sure.
56:36 Speaker 02 Bloodthirst. He went sicko mode, dude.
56:43 H. Foley? When the kid got killed.
56:44 Speaker 02 Yeah. That's, I'll have my vengeance in this life or another. That guy went psycho. Hey buddy, the expected age was that the lifespan was another two years.
56:58 H. Foley? Kid was an old man.
56:59 Speaker 02 I know.
57:02 H. Foley? No, but they all hung out together and you gotta think, they all started families younger back then. So they're like in their early twenties hanging out like that. You look back, you know, them broads were good looking.
57:17 Speaker 02 Your mom and her friends?
57:19 H. Foley? Not my mom. My mom was beautiful. My mom is beautiful.
57:23 Speaker 02 I know. Talking about a pervert. Bounce a quarter off that thing.
57:29 H. Foley? You son of a bitch. No, but when you look back.
57:34 Speaker 02 It was her birthday recently.
57:35 H. Foley? They were all wearing those bikinis and shit like that.
57:37 Speaker 02 Where were you hanging out with these broads in bikinis? What the fuck are you talking about?
57:42 H. Foley? In the summer down at shore, they had all that fucking Tropicana on them.
57:45 Speaker 02 You were hanging out with your, you would go to the beach and your mom and your aunts and uncles?
57:50 H. Foley? Not my mother.
57:51 Speaker 02 Could be wearing bikinis?
57:55 Speaker 02 What are they in the, what are they?
57:57 H. Foley? Disgusting.
57:57 Speaker 02 What are they, playmates? Who's wearing bikinis with kids like that on the beach?
58:03 H. Foley? In the grotto?
58:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
58:04 H. Foley? No, but some of the ladies.
58:06 Speaker 02 They're all doing beer bongs in the dunes.
58:09 H. Foley? Some of them wore.
58:10 Speaker 02 All the dads are skimboarding.
58:13 H. Foley? Some of them wore bikinis, not my mom. You classy broad.
58:16 Speaker 02 She's got the figure for it.
58:20 H. Foley? Goddamn holidays. Almost.
58:24 H. Foley? Yeah. What, Denise was always in a one piece?
58:28 Speaker 02 As far as I can remember, yeah. Is that what she was stripping?
58:33 Speaker 02 I'm kidding, I love you mom. Good thing she don't listen to the show. But my uncles listened, that was a joke.
58:40 H. Foley? Bikinis were big back then. And they all had the Coppertone, not the Tropicana Coppertone, they were all tanned up.
58:46 Speaker 02 Whatever you say, pervert.
58:48 H. Foley? They had the sun in in their hair. Drinking those Michelobes with the foil.
58:52 Speaker 02 Is it beer or Michelob? That was Big Dan's drink for a long time.
58:56 H. Foley? Sure.
58:57 Speaker 02 Ah, god, my fucking head hurts, holy shit.
59:03 Speaker 02 I didn't make fun, you brought it up. Uh, this one's from Diego, is it garbage to get married on your lunch break? My, my wife took an, my wife took an extended lunch and we got married at the courthouse and had our Mexican families with us to celebrate. My mom paid in cash for the marriage certificate. Dude, that's fucking, that's crazy.
59:24 H. Foley? That's all business right there.
59:25 Speaker 02 That sounds like an alibi, that sounds like the charges are coming down. She can't testify against her husband.
59:30 H. Foley? Put the house in her name real quick.
59:32 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's, whoa. I respect that though.
59:34 H. Foley? That's a worker. I like that.
59:37 Speaker 02 I respect that, that's very much, I also think it's cool that it's like, not this big to do, it's like you don't need to like fly to Hawaii with a hundred people and make this big to do out of it and put a lot of pressure on people around the holidays to spend time with their family and their loved ones, which they work so hard out on the road and they, they, they miss from fucking all year and then, you know, this guy just does it, you know, he was probably young too, it's not even like he was 49 or anything like that, that's crazy.
1:00:05 H. Foley? Yeah, done.
1:00:07 Speaker 02 Taking out a fucking bridge loan to get the, Jesus Christ. I'm up to my eyes in renovations, I'm getting jammed up to the fucking-
1:00:16 H. Foley? We're gonna have a nice goddamn time!
1:00:17 Speaker 02 The goddamn inspector's breathing down my neck, I can't pull permits, I got fucked up!
1:00:23 Speaker 02 I got mold, Jerry!
1:00:26 Speaker 02 I'm gonna send you a check.
1:00:29 Speaker 02 Nah, I like that though, that's trashy as shit, but I respect it, it's a very cool way to do it.
1:00:35 H. Foley? Yes.
1:00:36 Speaker 02 Uh, alright, let's see here, this one, I don't know if this is from Rhodes, $10 homie, uh-
1:00:42 H. Foley? Hey buddy.
1:00:43 Speaker 02 Is it garbage to offer the service repairman a beer? I think that's the, it depends on the time of day.
1:00:50 H. Foley? I've seen that backfire.
1:00:51 Speaker 02 Really?
1:00:52 H. Foley? Yeah, I've seen my dad do that and it backfire.
1:00:55 Speaker 02 You wanna stare my wife in a bikini? Patty, get down here.
1:01:01 H. Foley? Middle of winter.
1:01:02 Speaker 02 Take a look at her, huh?
1:01:04 H. Foley? Eh, see something? Anyway, terrible, no, my dad was always very, you know, he had like social anxiety, so he was always very overly, can we get you something to drink, you know, you want this, whatever, whatever, you know?
1:01:18 Speaker 02 You do that here with big guests and PR people that come in with whatever and I don't understand, you go, can I get you anything, you wanna whatever, and we, we literally have, we can offer them black coffee and bottled water, nothing else, and you go, you want coffee, anything, and they go, yeah, I'll do a cappuccino, and you're like, ah, we don't have, I got coffee, I got black coffee. It's coming out of a dirty Keurig too, just say, hey, can I get you a water?
1:01:43 H. Foley? I say water or coffee now, black coffee.
1:01:45 Speaker 02 No, you say coffee, then they go, yeah, with a splash of almond milk, like we're a full, like, you're, we're goddamn baristas, you put yourself in a position to immediately have to say nothing.
1:01:56 H. Foley? No.
1:01:56 Speaker 02 Want a heater? I hope, yeah, I got a carton of heaters.
1:01:59 H. Foley? There was some dude fixing something in our house on a Friday at the end of the day.
1:02:04 Speaker 02 Then I think, hey, man, if you want a beer, help yourself.
1:02:07 H. Foley? But my dad had just gotten home from work, like the dude got there at like three, was fixing it, whatever. My dad got home from work, didn't know this guy from Adam, was like, hey, do you want a beer? Sure.
1:02:22 H. Foley? Goes to the garage, gets him a beer, comes back, gives him one. All of a sudden, he's out in the garage, grabs another one.
1:02:29 Speaker 02 That's crazy.
1:02:30 H. Foley? And comes in. Next thing you know, this guy's like three, four beers deep. And it's like.
1:02:35 Speaker 02 You mind grabbing the other end of this real quick? He's having you hold it up.
1:02:38 H. Foley? And it's like six o'clock on like a Friday. I'm like, you know, we're like, get ready to eat dinner. I'm over there in the corner like.
1:02:45 Speaker 02 Ew. He's like, I love pizza. You're like, what the fuck?
1:02:48 H. Foley? Yeah. And you got a little, you got a little tuned up.
1:02:50 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:02:51 H. Foley? My dad had a kind of, all right, well, listen, you know, take care.
1:02:53 Speaker 02 Do more and then I'm cutting you off.
1:02:56 H. Foley? Yeah, corporate policy. It's ain't a franchise.
1:03:00 Speaker 02 And no pain with a gift card either, pal. I need cash.
1:03:03 H. Foley? Yeah. But no, I think that, I think that's, I think that's nice. Two, but it can backfire.
1:03:08 Speaker 02 Yeah, I've, I've seen.
1:03:09 H. Foley? You gotta, you gotta be real strict about that.
1:03:11 Speaker 02 I've seen it with Comcast guys when we were living in Philly.
1:03:14 H. Foley? Comcast? Oh.
1:03:15 Speaker 02 Pat.
1:03:16 H. Foley? Okay.
1:03:17 Speaker 02 When Pat was.
1:03:19 H. Foley? The beast was.
1:03:20 Speaker 02 No, no. The guy who like, they like offered him, they were like smoking a blunt or something, or it was on the table. And he was like, yo, you mind? And they were like, yeah, sure. But then like, he like, took his boots off and sat on the couch and like started watching a movie with them. They're like, yo, fucking, I ain't got no internet. I got a turn paper due in the morning. This guy's getting fucking lit.
1:03:39 Speaker 03 Guy greens out.
1:03:44 H. Foley? All right, there's a little bit left in it. There's a bag right here.
1:03:46 Speaker 02 He's doing this.
1:03:50 Speaker 02 Dude, that blunt look of like smacking the lips and the eyes kinda, they're wide but closed.
1:04:02 Speaker 02 You got something to drink?
1:04:07 H. Foley? Yeah, my mouth is dry as shit.
1:04:13 Speaker 02 And you get a sip of that the fuck?
1:04:17 Speaker 02 I'll go upstairs, take a nap.
1:04:20 H. Foley? Hey, who's this shitter out in here?
1:04:23 Speaker 02 It's the wifi password.
1:04:24 H. Foley? You guys got any Visine? I gotta go back to the office before he clock out.
1:04:32 Speaker 02 Dude, the slow look over it to process what you're saying, what you just said.
1:04:43 Speaker 02 Oh shit.
1:04:44 H. Foley? Man, that's crazy.
1:04:45 Speaker 02 You crazy? This motherfucking crazy.
1:04:51 Speaker 02 Ah, God, but we gotta wrap it up, gang. My fucking head hurts. I swear to God.
1:04:57 H. Foley? What a fun one, gang.
1:05:00 H. Foley? We love you to death.
1:05:01 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:05:01 H. Foley? And we'll see you next week.
1:05:02 Speaker 02 Peace.
Next Adrienne Iapalucci: The Dark Queen Page updated November 7, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated