Massage in Jeans! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Lucy Goods: http://lucy.co/garbage Promo Code: Garbage Helix Sleep: Go to https://helixsleep.com/garbage for 27% Off Sitewide. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:05Speaker 01

  You ain't lying!

• 0:06H. Foley?

  It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they have to be classy.

• 0:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:11H. Foley?

  They're just a big ol' piece of trash.

• 0:13Speaker 01

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 0:14H. Foley?

  I'm your host, Dave Cholley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toady's in a new addition. She just got picked up at a CVS.

• 0:21Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 0:21H. Foley?

  Stealing deodorant.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  Hey.

• 0:24H. Foley?

  Which I imagine would have been available for resale and we would have got a friends and family discount. But that's not gonna happen now, because it's all in evidence.

• 0:32Speaker 01

  Got pinched.

• 0:33H. Foley?

  She got pinched.

• 0:34Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 0:35H. Foley?

  Thanks for rolling with that one with me.

• 0:36Speaker 01

  I think that joke needs to be arrested.

• 0:37H. Foley?

  My co-host is coming at you from across the tables. We call a family episode, just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. Give it up for my pal, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

• 0:46Speaker 01

  Hey, what up, gang? Shout out to ya, uh, as always, thanks for tuning in. Audio listeners, video listeners over there on YouTube, uh...

• 0:56H. Foley?

  Spotify!

• 0:57Speaker 01

  Climbin' the charts!

• 0:58H. Foley?

  Climbin' the charts!

• 0:59Speaker 01

  Doing well, the boys?

• 1:00H. Foley?

  Doing good.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  This is, there's an army of people, an army of garbage that listens to this goddamn program. We appreciate you and then, listen-

• 1:07H. Foley?

  Listen, we're about in the top 100, about, of all podcasts on Spotify.

• 1:11Speaker 01

  Fluctuate.

• 1:13H. Foley?

  Comedy, we're in the top 50, so suck my dick.

• 1:18H. Foley?

  Right?

• 1:18Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:19H. Foley?

  Tell them down, you go downtown, you tell them that.

• 1:21Speaker 01

  Downtown?

• 1:22H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  Go all the way downtown?

• 1:23H. Foley?

  You go downtown and you tell them that. I know we got a lot of problems with the guys downtown.

• 1:27Speaker 01

  Uh, and then obviously, uh, you know, for the real true homies and dirtbags out there. You go over to patreon.com. Listen, you might not know what Patreon is. Might be scary, the big bad Patreon's, is it an app? Is it a website? What do I do? This is where I watch, this is where I listen. Listen, get a little loose, join the over 15,000 people on Patreon. 15,000. You get a lot of content over there. You get an extra two episodes a week if you want them, plus the last four years of content are sitting there. You can consume that as you wish, or just move forward, whatever you want to do.

• 1:57H. Foley?

  Tell them, Kippy!

• 1:58Speaker 01

  They got ya. And also the tour! There's a lot of fucking plugs up front, but the tour, baby, listen, the shows are fucking selling out. You're gonna end up, you're gonna end up out in the fucking cold, waiting in line, trying to get a take, standby ticket like a bozo. In some markets, not all of them. Some of them need some help. Some of them, some of them get your fucking friends.

• 2:16H. Foley?

  Standing out in the cold, such a salesman thing. You wanna be standing out there in the cold, man?

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Thanks for picking up on the joke.

• 2:22H. Foley?

  It's the middle of August. Thank you for rolling with that tootie a little bit, as best as you could.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 2:27H. Foley?

  You tried to get in there.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  I try, I listen to-

• 2:29H. Foley?

  A little bit. You also try to tank them a little bit. Those are hard work.

• 2:33Speaker 01

  First of all, they're not.

• 2:34H. Foley?

  And I try to make them a little, a little bit more creative when it's just you and me.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  I get that, might-

• 2:38H. Foley?

  More like a jumping off point.

• 2:40Speaker 01

  Discuss them on yourselves. Listen, I come in the reaction to it. I tag it in there. Sometimes you get me.

• 2:48H. Foley?

  What was your reaction there?

• 2:50Speaker 01

  Uh-

• 2:51H. Foley?

  Oh yeah, did she?

• 2:51Speaker 01

  That joke should have been arrested. That guy, that got a chuckle from the whole room.

• 2:55H. Foley?

  That was after, that's when, that-

• 2:57Speaker 01

  That's where I, that's where the funny comes from.

• 2:59H. Foley?

  That was dead.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, then I bring it back to life. Call me Dr. Kipperino.

• 3:03H. Foley?

  I have smoothie on my shirt, by the way.

• 3:06H. Foley?

  That stink? I got smoothie-

• 3:08Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 3:09H. Foley?

  On my shirt.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  I think it's pronounced milkshake.

• 3:14H. Foley?

  Well, you know, you can't get the last couple of sips of that because of the nanner, the banana thickens it up.

• 3:19Speaker 01

  And big man wants everything.

• 3:21H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  Big man don't like leaving a little floater.

• 3:23H. Foley?

  I'm not paying, my friend's not paying $20 for a smoothie and I'm not gonna finish it, alright? Jamba Juice?

• 3:30Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 3:31H. Foley?

  Or where'd you get it? What, you stink?

• 3:33Speaker 01

  No, I put his, uh-

• 3:34H. Foley?

  Cause you do stink sometimes.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  I know, and I was stinking the other day.

• 3:38H. Foley?

  Like a fat kid in Jim Crow.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  You're sweating like a fat guy podcasting.

• 3:44H. Foley?

  A pubering teenager you smell like.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  Um-

• 3:47H. Foley?

  Hoagies.

• 3:48Speaker 01

  Nah, I don't get that that bad.

• 3:50H. Foley?

  Which I told somebody that the other day, they were like, "What do you mean?" I'm like, "BO."

• 3:53Speaker 01

  Also, you have something in between your eyes.

• 3:55H. Foley?

  No, I don't.

• 3:55Speaker 01

  It's probably juice.

• 3:57H. Foley?

  No, I don't. In between my eyes.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  That's right where the top of the cup hits you.

• 4:01H. Foley?

  No.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:03H. Foley?

  Shit.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  I think, let me see, you got it. Yeah, you got most of it.

• 4:06H. Foley?

  Well, I got most of it.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  It might be a unipower.

• 4:08H. Foley?

  Cut! I'm not doing this shit. Goddamn broadcasting here.

• 4:14Speaker 01

  Shark, leave it in.

• 4:15H. Foley?

  Don't leave it in, Shark.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  Shark, it's in, um-

• 4:17H. Foley?

  I can't see that, my camera's not there anymore.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  I did a real dirtbag move of, I was sweating the other day, I guess I didn't put on deodorant or whatever, you-

• 4:26H. Foley?

  What's that about?

• 4:26Speaker 01

  Things are frantic in the morning, I'm trying to get out of the fucking house. I'm sorry, some of us have other responsibilities than showing up and having a third breakfast. Um-

• 4:37H. Foley?

  Excuse me?

• 4:39Speaker 01

  You guys saw that?

• 4:40H. Foley?

  That's a lot of eggs.

• 4:41Speaker 01

  I did four the other day.

• 4:43H. Foley?

  I do four.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  Oh god, I gotta pull it back.

• 4:46H. Foley?

  I do four eggs. Four eggs in the morning. Scrambys.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 4:49H. Foley?

  A little bit of feta, a little bit of mushroom.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  I think if you say it with a better inflection, it'll be healthier.

• 4:53H. Foley?

  Yeah, no potatoes or nothing. Just straight protein. Gary Brekka.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Go get me.

• 5:02Speaker 01

  Uh, real dirtbag thing is, uh, I leave this in here and I throw it on from time to time if I'm a little chilly or, you know, just I put it on.

• 5:12H. Foley?

  What are you, a therapist at a community college?

• 5:15Speaker 01

  They wear denim? That's a big community.

• 5:17H. Foley?

  Yeah, they wear denim.

• 5:19Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 5:19H. Foley?

  But they always have an office jacket.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Yeah, like a cardigan up over the back of the chair.

• 5:24H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  Loser.

• 5:25H. Foley?

  Chalk and tissue.

• 5:26Speaker 01

  Also, like, why are you giving me shit? We all have, we all keep clothes here. Why are you begging me, like, I gotta explain this to you and you don't know it? You have more clothes. I have one thing, I have this. You have like half of your wardrobes hanging up.

• 5:37H. Foley?

  I have a jacket, because it's too hot in here and I have my Eagles jacket.

• 5:41Speaker 01

  They shit in my pants. You got a couple of Hawaiians, too.

• 5:46H. Foley?

  I got a couple Hawaiians. They're good guys.

• 5:50Speaker 01

  Couple of Samoans. There's t-shirts over there, too.

• 5:54H. Foley?

  Nuh-uh.

• 5:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, there is.

• 5:56H. Foley?

  They're not mine.

• 5:57Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. Why did Butterbean move in?

• 6:00H. Foley?

  There's a Hawaiian guy.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  They got damn Samoans. Um...

• 6:05H. Foley?

  I wish we did have a couple Samoan dudes just out there chilling.

• 6:07Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 6:08H. Foley?

  That's where we should get Samoan security.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  Maybe if we keep more pineapple around, they'll start showing up.

• 6:13H. Foley?

  I have mango.

• 6:14Speaker 01

  Um, I was sweating a little bit and I guess it got on the shirt and I put the deodorant right on the shirt

• 6:21H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  to mask up what I had. And it's a different brand than I have here and it's like, it's a, like a men's, like a Dove men's or something like that, where it's like a little too man, like, trying to be manly.

• 6:33H. Foley?

  You put it on the inside?

• 6:35Speaker 01

  I put this on the inside.

• 6:36H. Foley?

  Because yours is white. You have white deodorant?

• 6:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I put it on the inside.

• 6:39H. Foley?

  Cracker.

• 6:41Speaker 01

  I do a powder-based deo.

• 6:42H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  Um, yeah.

• 6:44H. Foley?

  So it stains the shirt? But then doesn't that get on the... Doesn't that get on the other shirt? Doesn't that get on the other shirt?

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I have an over shirt over that.

• 6:52H. Foley?

  You're not gonna take that off?

• 6:54Speaker 01

  What? I mean, when I leave here, I'll take it off. But then I don't have like... I'm not going to a catered affair or anything. I'm going home.

• 7:02H. Foley?

  You got spots? I don't think it's turning up for you.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  You got spots tonight?

• 7:08H. Foley?

  I got one.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  Where?

• 7:10H. Foley?

  Downtown.

• 7:12H. Foley?

  Samoan guys, please. We get security, get Samoan guys.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 7:17H. Foley?

  They're good with the nickel.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  Uh huh. They're too... Are they known for that?

• 7:20H. Foley?

  I don't know. Make with the pineapple.

• 7:25H. Foley?

  What's going on with this screen? By the way.

• 7:27Speaker 01

  There he is, broadcaster extraordinaire.

• 7:29H. Foley?

  You guys can't see it, but Luke's fucking around.

• 7:32Speaker 01

  I got a thing, so... As you know... Bit of a dirtbag I am.

• 7:38H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  And it really, I, you know, when... So I got the, I got the house in the burbs, bit of a fixer-upper. Did some work to it, still needs some work, things go wrong, I gotta fix, I don't gotta fix, I gotta get them fixed. And I think the true mark of... This one really hit me.

• 7:57H. Foley?

  What do you think you've dumped into this? Rat trap, since you bought it?

• 8:02Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 8:02H. Foley?

  Let's be honest. Fifty grand, something like that?

• 8:05Speaker 01

  Really opening up the books? I got a loan for a couple of things. Shout out to the TD Fit Loan.

• 8:11Speaker 01

  Paying that baby off.

• 8:12H. Foley?

  How many steps you gotta do a day?

• 8:13Speaker 01

  I always think it says Fitbit, too.

• 8:16H. Foley?

  TD Fit Loan?

• 8:18Speaker 01

  I told you that when I had the mold or something. I had that, I needed...

• 8:21H. Foley?

  What's the fit stand for?

• 8:22Speaker 01

  That's just like what they call it, fit your budget or something. I don't know, they're ripping you off. It should be called the rip loan.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 8:32H. Foley?

  We got you by the balls.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  I don't know, enough, enough, enough. But at the same time, I got it. Long story, I got it for, I got a good deal on it than what they.

• 8:43H. Foley?

  The house?

• 8:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. Uh huh. What?

• 8:48H. Foley?

  Talking about the loan.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  No, no, the loans, no, that's not a good deal, that is.

• 8:52H. Foley?

  I got a good deal.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  That is not a good deal. Uh, that hit me, I needed to take the loan, I was right after taxes and I got walloped and I needed, I needed my.

• 9:01H. Foley?

  A mold.

• 9:01Speaker 01

  I needed my, I needed my walking around, I didn't want to empty out everything, I don't want to be fucking.

• 9:05H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  Which has happened to me multiple times while this show has been successful, I've crashed out. One time I had a cash and change again, I was like, I need to get better with money.

• 9:14H. Foley?

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 9:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, probably 20, what year is it, 2026, so probably 20.

• 9:19H. Foley?

  Well, that makes you feel a little bit better.

• 9:21Speaker 01

  I told you this, probably 2023, it was probably 2023's taxes, I don't know, we, so. We now have a business manager and accountant who handle everything.

• 9:31H. Foley?

  You've met Luke?

• 9:33Speaker 01

  Uh, at one point, I was in charge of.

• 9:38Speaker 01

  The faucet.

• 9:39H. Foley?

  I like that.

• 9:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, which we, there was, it was, there was no financial plan.

• 9:44H. Foley?

  You get, you get two, three drinks in this guy, by the way, I put a little extra in there. If he wanted, if he want, if Kevin likes, here's the thing, it's real daddy mentality. If he wants to spend it, he'll, he'll chop it up.

• 9:57Speaker 01

  You're nuts.

• 9:58H. Foley?

  He don't want to spend it, ah, nah, nah, nah.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  He thinks it's me.

• 10:02H. Foley?

  All of a sudden, there's mold in the studio.

• 10:04Speaker 01

  You're crazy. All of a sudden, I'm on a, I need a fit loan.

• 10:09H. Foley?

  I would not qualify.

• 10:12H. Foley?

  I didn't qualify for multiple pre-approved loans.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  You wouldn't qualify for third grade, what are you talking about?

• 10:18Speaker 01

  You'd be getting held back, dog.

• 10:20H. Foley?

  Still eating glue?

• 10:22Speaker 01

  But, we weren't setting aside any money for tax purposes. Well, we, no.

• 10:28H. Foley?

  Yeah, we were.

• 10:29Speaker 01

  No, we weren't.

• 10:30H. Foley?

  I mean, we weren't setting it aside.

• 10:33H. Foley?

  We'd leave it in the, we would have it in our accounts, which was very dangerous, and we talked about, I don't know why we're talking about this, but we talked about it the other day, how, my god. Thank god that like, it's stu-, like, I am so bad with that shit. How did, how did we not blow that?

• 10:50Speaker 01

  Well, we were.

• 10:51H. Foley?

  And keep it.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  We didn't keep it. All that, so then at some point-

• 10:54H. Foley?

  Then at the end of the year, we just had to give everything that we had in our savings to tax-

• 10:57Speaker 01

  I had, we had to give every, I, yeah, so I had to empty out all of my-

• 11:01H. Foley?

  But do you realize there's a reality where I would have spent that?

• 11:05Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm surprised we, well, no, also-

• 11:07H. Foley?

  I couldn't believe I did that. That was the most-

• 11:09Speaker 01

  We were doing it, we were doing it wrong, cause like-

• 11:11H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  We should have been using the money from 2023 to pay 2023's taxes.

• 11:18H. Foley?

  Oh, I understand.

• 11:18Speaker 01

  We were using 2024, the money we were making in 2024 to pay 2023's debt, which is a slippery slope.

• 11:25H. Foley?

  Which is where I operate the best.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  Uh, buddy, I like a gun to my head, but the business manager comes in-

• 11:29H. Foley?

  Edge of a knife.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  And they handle, they, they, but because it was that, when I said I, well, I've watched everybody in my family become, at some point, have a good year, whatever, and then you fuck up. I've watched everybody fuck up and get jammed the fuck up.

• 11:45H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  So that's, and I had to cash in change. I was, I was fucking, I was-

• 11:50H. Foley?

  That's a lot of change.

• 11:51Speaker 01

  I was cooked.

• 11:52H. Foley?

  Must have been hungry, huh?

• 11:53Speaker 01

  I ripped like 83 bucks and I was like, it's the last till the first, it'll keep me go floating to the first.

• 12:00H. Foley?

  I know you got a slice with that off the rip.

• 12:02Speaker 01

  Love a good-

• 12:03H. Foley?

  It's always the first thing you do when you're cashing your change.

• 12:05Speaker 01

  That and a pack of heaters back in the day.

• 12:06H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah, the heaters, don't forget about them.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  Well, I've mentioned this, but I, I'd go to the super fresh, which is now in Acme, and I would get the printout-

• 12:16H. Foley?

  Uh-huh.

• 12:16Speaker 01

  And go to the customer service desk, say the printout was 24 bucks.

• 12:19H. Foley?

  Like you're at the casino.

• 12:21Speaker 01

  I'd go, I'd give it to them and go, let me get a pack of Marlboro Lights, and they'd give me the change.

• 12:27H. Foley?

  That'll double, do ya? Look at you, paying with your-

• 12:29Speaker 01

  Like a fucking gentleman.

• 12:31H. Foley?

  Paying with your chips.

• 12:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, here you go, as for you, bing!

• 12:37H. Foley?

  You guys do the free breakfast around here?

• 12:38Speaker 01

  I'm fucking tossing darts at everybody.

• 12:41H. Foley?

  So what do you got for me?

• 12:42Speaker 01

  So this is a thing that, uh, as you can-

• 12:45H. Foley?

  Something else broke in this, this joint?

• 12:47Speaker 01

  Sure. Sure. You know, the house stands for bust out another thousand.

• 12:53H. Foley?

  Huh?

• 12:53Speaker 01

  That's what boat stands for.

• 12:55H. Foley?

  Oh, boat. You said house.

• 12:58H. Foley?

  Are you three gonna be living with me at some point?

• 13:02Speaker 01

  Me, my wife and my kids.

• 13:04H. Foley?

  Yeah, you're blowing it.

• 13:07Speaker 01

  I mean, we're jammed up if I'm moving in with you. No, I'm not blowing it. There's things, so I need to fix the thing. And we were unsure of how to fix the thing. Cause then, the problem with the house is, alright, so my fireplace...

• 13:26H. Foley?

  Isn't...

• 13:26Speaker 01

  Isn't legal. It's not street legal.

• 13:28H. Foley?

  No, you gotta get the, you gotta get the, you need it cleaned.

• 13:32Speaker 01

  No.

• 13:32H. Foley?

  But you can't clean it because it'll fall down.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  No.

• 13:35H. Foley?

  There's cracks in it.

• 13:37Speaker 01

  Sure, and the found, in the thing, there, it's not, so they, my options were either to like completely redo it.

• 13:44H. Foley?

  Which would be nice.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  Or they put a tube, like a stainless steel tube down the middle. And then you can, that's fine as well.

• 13:51H. Foley?

  A little hot potter.

• 13:52Speaker 01

  But my, um...

• 13:55Speaker 01

  You know how you have like the, the stone that comes out onto the floor?

• 13:58H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:58Speaker 01

  That's gotta be a certain length, that mine's not. You know what I mean?

• 14:03H. Foley?

  Who's checking that? Can't you just put a little extra around it? Or some Legos or something?

• 14:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, because they're not flammable. And then like the clean out or something, the guy came, I, I had to get it looked at before, because there were some questions during the sale.

• 14:18H. Foley?

  These guys, can I say this?

• 14:20Speaker 01

  Who?

• 14:21H. Foley?

  The guys out there in the burbs that do that stuff. That guy that comes, the exterminator.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  A lot of guys, a lot of guys.

• 14:28H. Foley?

  They're just making everything up. Could be, I mean, killing it.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 14:32H. Foley?

  But making their own rules.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  Sure, now you can tell, you smell a good guy when you got him. You, you can, you can clock them right away. It's how they operate, they're not smooth talking, they're not, you know. I had a lot of guys come out and they go, "How's this sound good? How about this?" And you go, "Yeah, it sounds good."

• 14:49H. Foley?

  See, I got a sit with Patty with, with her crawl space. She had the whole thing sealed from weather and rodents and stuff. But didn't, the guy didn't do a corner of it for some reason. She paid for the whole thing.

• 15:01Speaker 01

  Wait, she had it sealed off?

• 15:02H. Foley?

  Not sealed.

• 15:05H. Foley?

  Crucifix on it.

• 15:06Speaker 01

  Al Pacino's fucking vault?

• 15:09H. Foley?

  Why?

• 15:09Speaker 01

  No, not Al Pacino, Al Capone. Hooah!

• 15:16H. Foley?

  Hooah, you dirty rat!

• 15:18Speaker 01

  Cause that was Capone's thing, just Geraldo opened up on live TV. Geraldo? Not Geraldo. Geraldo.

• 15:25H. Foley?

  Geraldo Rivera.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, he opened up Al Capone, they found Al Capone's basement or something, crawl space, and it hadn't been opened since then.

• 15:33H. Foley?

  No, I think it was his mausoleum.

• 15:35Speaker 01

  No.

• 15:36H. Foley?

  Yeah, his body was in there. And he's missing.

• 15:40Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 15:41H. Foley?

  Be back Monday. Oh!

• 15:44Speaker 01

  And he did a big thing, he lead up to it and then they opened it up and there's nothing in there and he had to like really, you know.

• 15:49H. Foley?

  I remember that.

• 15:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:50H. Foley?

  You sure wasn't, uh, was it Geraldo? Who was the guy that did, um?

• 15:53Speaker 01

  Ricky Lake.

• 15:54H. Foley?

  No, Celebrity Tales on E.

• 15:58Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 15:58H. Foley?

  It was like Celebrity Dark Side.

• 16:00Speaker 01

  Fuck!

• 16:01H. Foley?

  J.J. Benza?

• 16:03Speaker 01

  That's not a guy. J.J. Benza? That guy's alright, actually, if he, if he's real.

• 16:08H. Foley?

  You know what I'm talking about, he was on Stern for a little bit, he got into a fight with, um, uh, Stuttering John. J.J. Menza.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  Menzies?

• 16:17H. Foley?

  No. Shout out to the Menzigers. Whatever, he would do shit like that. Be like the dark side of celebrity. Somebody getting stabbed at a club or something like that. Anywho.

• 16:29Speaker 01

  What's this got to do with Al Pacino?

• 16:30H. Foley?

  You brought it up!

• 16:33H. Foley?

  So the guy didn't do the one corner of the, of, of the thing, now they come back out and they say it's gonna be another three grand.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  I got worms.

• 16:40H. Foley?

  She's got mice.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  That's normal, Al. They're field mice.

• 16:44H. Foley?

  Are you crazy? The exterminator came out and just-

• 16:46Speaker 01

  It's cold as shit, where they gonna go? You gonna keep them outside?

• 16:49H. Foley?

  Well, she, she put the bird feeder too close at a house. There's a lot of cracked corn downstairs.

• 16:53Speaker 01

  I got a crow problem. Goddamn parakeet.

• 16:56H. Foley?

  That's what the exterminator said, "You got cracked corn in here!"

• 17:00Speaker 01

  And I don't care!

• 17:03H. Foley?

  No, but all he did was set traps. Don't exterminators have a little better than that? Where's the spray? Where's the juice? Where's the smoke? You're setting traps? I could've had this dumb bitch do that.

• 17:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, here, call up DuPont and get the chemies out.

• 17:19H. Foley?

  Yeah, what are we talking about?

• 17:20Speaker 01

  Let's nuke these pussies.

• 17:24Speaker 01

  Hit him with a little Agent Orange.

• 17:25H. Foley?

  I want to see phosphorus.

• 17:26Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. What do you got, Luke?

• 17:28Speaker 02

  Uh, nothing on Tales From The Dark Side.

• 17:31Speaker 01

  Thanks for checking me.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  The Mystery Of Al Capone's Vault was a two-hour American television special hosted by Geraldo.

• 17:38Speaker 01

  Geraldo. I knew you were gonna say Geraldo. Hosted by great-

• 17:41Speaker 02

  Rivera.

• 17:42Speaker 01

  Rivera.

• 17:44H. Foley?

  I think from now on, when we go to you, it should always be, "I got enough."

• 17:48Speaker 01

  Wait, what?

• 17:50H. Foley?

  Okay, but something about Lucy. Lucy, Lucy, Lucy. Talking about Lucy Breaker Pouches, gang. Do yourself a favor. Talking about 100% pure nicotine, always tobacco-free. Lucy Breakers are nicotine pouches with a little extra surprise.

• 18:02Speaker 01

  Cause a little, like, a little something extra from time to time.

• 18:05H. Foley?

  That's right. Each pouch holds a capsule that can be broken open to release a little extra flavor and hydration. So do yourself a favor, set yourself up for a subscription.

• 18:14Speaker 01

  Subscription.

• 18:14H. Foley?

  Subscription.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  Uh-huh. And have Lucy delivered straight to your door. Big man's having a stroke. Somebody get him a pouch. He needs a little bit of an extra surprise.

• 18:21H. Foley?

  And do a script pad.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  Um, guys, listen, don't be one of the, you know, everybody's doing nicotine pouches. They're fantastic. Did you ever see the bozo that doesn't have it? You're out. "Oh, I gotta get them out of the store. Oh, this, this, that. They don't have my flavor. They don't have this." The subscription.

• 18:37H. Foley?

  Yeah. What are you buying them at a gas station? What are you doing?

• 18:40Speaker 01

  Lucy sets you up with it, baby. They do it here. It comes to the door. Everybody, "I got this. I got that." Everybody grabs their pouches. Bada bing, bada boom, a little container. Got the pouch, a little extra surprise for you. That's Lucy, baby. Lucy's the only pouch that gives you long-lasting flavor, whether you, uh, whenever you need it. You get 20% off your first order when you buy online with the code GARBAGE. And if you don't want to wait, just head to lucy.co/stores to find Lucy near you and grab it today while you're waiting for that subscription. Here comes the Fine Break Gang. Lucy products are only, are only for adults of a legal age and every order is age verified. Warning: This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive, addictive chemical.

• 19:16H. Foley?

  Gav, let's talk about Helix.

• 19:17Speaker 01

  Helix, Helix, Helix, Helix, Helix.

• 19:19H. Foley?

  Gang, it's a Helix kinda night.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  Woo, I'm asleep good tonight.

• 19:23H. Foley?

  It's cold outside, you slide into a nice Helix. You get a great night's sleep. Listen, do yourself a favor. We've been, Helix been with us since Jump Street.

• 19:33Speaker 01

  One of our, listen, all jokes aside, one of maybe the first couple of guys, a couple of, couple of advertisers to help us keep the lights on here.

• 19:41H. Foley?

  We each got one. We sleep in them every night. Fantastic night's sleep. Go over there, you take the quiz. Or you don't gotta go to a mattress store. Do it all online. Take the quiz. Find out how you sleep. Whether you sleep light, yeah, sleep heavy. Are you a bigger guy, you a smaller guy? Do you sleep hot? Do you sleep cool? They'll match you with the perfect mattress for you.

• 20:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, listen, it takes, going to a mattress store, unfortunately, I've been. I was in a, I, I listen, I was jammed up.

• 20:09H. Foley?

  I lived in one for a while. Switch beds every night, never got comfortable. That's why I do Helix.

• 20:15Speaker 01

  Out the door, forget about it. Send it right to your house. Listen, I, you go in there, it's empty. You're in like a huge warehouse. There's, there's beds that a hundred people, 200 people have laid on and they're rolling around. They're tossing, you're catching whatever they got. And then the guys go, he's got, he's got coffee, brother, and he's going, "Oh yeah, what kinda bed you looking for?" A little too creepy if you ask me. Hey buddy, little distance.

• 20:37H. Foley?

  What are you doing in there?

• 20:37Speaker 01

  I'm a Helix man, you know what I mean?

• 20:39H. Foley?

  Helix.

• 20:39Speaker 01

  Uh, Helix gives you a 120 night sleep trial and a limited lifetime warranty, baby. And a study they ran found 82% of the individuals saw an increase in their deep sleep cycle with, with a, while sleeping on a Helix mattress. So here's the turkey. Go to helixsleep.com/garbage for 27% off site wide. I ain't talking 15%, I ain't talking 20%, I ain't talking 25%, an extra 2%, 27% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com/garbage. 27% off site wide. Make sure you enter RUGarbage at checkout so they know the boys sent you, helix, that, helixsleep.com/garbage.

• 21:11H. Foley?

  Do it.

• 21:12Speaker 01

  Back to the show.

• 21:12H. Foley?

  Back to the show.

• 21:15Speaker 01

  So, the fireplace became a bit of an issue, and then I guess at some point, um,

• 21:22Speaker 01

  we were gonna get it fixed, and then I was like, I just wanna close it. I think I might have to close it.

• 21:29H. Foley?

  Why?

• 21:30Speaker 01

  As I just said, it's a lot to get, I gotta like redo the fucking whole joint.

• 21:34H. Foley?

  But why would you have to close it? Why can't you just leave it as it is?

• 21:38Speaker 01

  Uh, I can, but then it's just a useless...

• 21:41H. Foley?

  Get bats?

• 21:42Speaker 01

  No, well, one, it's in a weird spot in the, if we're getting, we're really gonna get into the nitty gritty of it. It's in a really weird spot in the room, and...

• 21:50H. Foley?

  It's in the kitchen.

• 21:51Speaker 01

  That'd be nice, but...

• 21:53H. Foley?

  That would be nice.

• 21:53Speaker 01

  I know. Uh, no, whatever. So, we need to redo that room to begin with, and so it's like, we're gonna, if we redo it, we're gonna do it right and get rid of the thing and, you know, whatever.

• 22:08Speaker 01

  But then, let's just show, this is the, hold on, and for the last

• 22:16Speaker 01

  seven months, seven, eight months, this has been what my

• 22:23Speaker 01

  fireplace looks like.

• 22:24H. Foley?

  This is, so that's, that's what the picture...

• 22:25Speaker 01

  You walk in the house right now, this is, this is, this is what you're, this is, you wanna watch TV, this is what you're seeing.

• 22:31H. Foley?

  Luke, play the...

• 22:34H. Foley?

  Talk about sealed off.

• 22:37Speaker 01

  Ain't no mice getting in that...

• 22:38H. Foley?

  Ain't no money in there.

• 22:39Speaker 01

  That is a couple of Husky Contractor black trash bags, the best on the market.

• 22:45H. Foley?

  Uh huh. Why though? What are you worried about? Why can't it just be open? Cold?

• 22:50Speaker 01

  It was for a long time, and then when we had the construction guy, when they were, the last thing we had was the, we had the leak, right? Then we had to do the bathroom, so the construction guys, we had a, they had a cleaning service, they're like, hey, for an extra 150 bucks, they can come in and clean the whole house, cause it was everything, like, everything was trounced through with fucking construction worker guys. So the cleaning people cleaned the fireplace as well, but that unearthed like 70 years of smell. So you walked in and it smelled like a campfire.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  Which, it didn't seem safe for a newborn baby.

• 23:26H. Foley?

  I understand.

• 23:27Speaker 01

  Uh, and it just smelled so much that I, and then like the wind would blow and fuck it come in like, and it would just like, you'd just get a whiff of like, heavy bike fucking campfire.

• 23:38H. Foley?

  Got a hank in for some cornbread?

• 23:40Speaker 01

  Um, so I sealed it off with the professional job.

• 23:43H. Foley?

  Sealed it off, okay.

• 23:44Speaker 01

  That's sealed off.

• 23:45H. Foley?

  That's sealed off. Can I say this?

• 23:47Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 23:48H. Foley?

  It's a nice looking fireplace.

• 23:50Speaker 01

  I don't love it.

• 23:50H. Foley?

  Is that TV sitting or mounted?

• 23:55H. Foley?

  Is that sitting on top of the mantle?

• 23:56Speaker 01

  That's not what we're talking about here. That's not what we're talking about.

• 24:00H. Foley?

  Cause I think I see legs on that thing.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  No.

• 24:02H. Foley?

  As far as all your trophies aren't up there.

• 24:04Speaker 01

  There you go. Wait, look. That's, no, that's mounted?

• 24:09H. Foley?

  No, it's not. That's feet right there. Look at that. That's landing feet. Kid me, that's a duck.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  Little penguin feet on it?

• 24:17H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 24:17Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, that's a, that's a small TV. And it, dude, that TV's slow as shit. It's like dial up. I don't know what the fuck's happening.

• 24:25H. Foley?

  Listen, you got a slab of a slate.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  That slate's not deep enough. So I'm gonna have to, if I ever wanna use-

• 24:30H. Foley?

  That's nothing. You dig that out. You could dig that out yourself if you weren't such a bitch. And then have somebody come in and put a, put a wider one and you got a stew going. You'd have to fix the other, so you're missing a piece on the other side.

• 24:43Speaker 01

  I gotta go, you gotta go, I gotta, there's a lot of work that's gotta get done, so.

• 24:46H. Foley?

  That's what I'm talking about. What do those things do, by the way?

• 24:49Speaker 01

  No, that, what are you, what are you talking about? What piece I'm missing?

• 24:51H. Foley?

  That's not, there's-

• 24:52Speaker 01

  That was, we were looking to get, if we were gonna redo it, it would have been that color stone. That's like a loose stone.

• 24:58H. Foley?

  Oh.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  That's sitting there as to like-

• 25:00H. Foley?

  Look at you with your samples.

• 25:02Speaker 01

  That's my wife, that ain't me. You know they charge you for them fucking samples sometimes?

• 25:05H. Foley?

  That's goddamn Grok.

• 25:07Speaker 01

  Grok.

• 25:08H. Foley?

  Fitloin and fucking new fireplace. Look at you.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  No, I'm doing no fireplace. I'm, I'm sealing it off. I'm turning that into fucking Al Pacino's vault, baby. I'm putting a wall right over that. I'm getting rid of everything, wall over that. I don't, I'm not gonna light fires. We have a fucking, a, I have a seven month old kid. You can't have a lit fire with a kid.

• 25:30H. Foley?

  If you put a fence around it, he's not an idiot.

• 25:33Speaker 01

  Yes, babies? Have you, what are you talking about?

• 25:36H. Foley?

  You put a fence around it. You know, the fireplace fence.

• 25:39Speaker 01

  It's, listen.

• 25:41H. Foley?

  A nice, I like a nice fireplace when I come over.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 25:46H. Foley?

  You're sealing it off, huh?

• 25:47Speaker 01

  I think so. Yeah, it's just not, okay, I'm not saying you can't have a fireplace with that, with a baby. It is not the best thing. I mean, then, I have, what, three fires a year?

• 25:59H. Foley?

  Can I give you something fun you can do?

• 26:01Speaker 01

  That's why I brought it up, you're a fun guy.

• 26:03H. Foley?

  Fun guy.

• 26:04Speaker 01

  Good ideas.

• 26:05H. Foley?

  Write a real creepy note and stick it in there before you seal it up. A lot of those have been getting unearthed lately.

• 26:12Speaker 01

  Real, something real cryptic?

• 26:13H. Foley?

  Whatever.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  There once was a fatchman.

• 26:17Speaker 02

  A tale from the dark side.

• 26:19H. Foley?

  Something.

• 26:21H. Foley?

  A lot of people have been finding them in their houses. You know what I mean? Contractors, you know, they stick something in the back, just screwing around, you know, just having fun.

• 26:28Speaker 01

  Having fun, shit's engaged. Yeah. But that's, that's, I realized as I was, because like now it's, it's been there so long and a lot of dirtbags who have shitty projects or ongoing projects around their house, it sucks because it comes normalized. When I did that, my intention was, we're gonna have this solved in two weeks.

• 26:46H. Foley?

  That's fixed, as far as I'm concerned.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  I know, but then it sits there and then you forget and you're like, ah, next time, I gotta make that call, I'm waiting on a number. And it's just, that's so, I don't even notice it now.

• 26:56H. Foley?

  A very, very unsymmetrical, odd tape job.

• 27:04Speaker 01

  I mean, you're dealing.

• 27:05H. Foley?

  Crazy.

• 27:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:06H. Foley?

  Why is there a piece going down? Look at your drawer.

• 27:09Speaker 01

  It's two bags. One bag doesn't fit. That's a double bag, double bag there.

• 27:14H. Foley?

  And you didn't have any electrical tape. You had to go with the blue painter's tape.

• 27:18Speaker 01

  What am I, in the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers?

• 27:21H. Foley?

  We've always had electrical tape. We had the same roll of electrical tape for about 25.

• 27:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, because you don't use it.

• 27:26H. Foley?

  No.

• 27:27Speaker 01

  I don't need it.

• 27:27H. Foley?

  Still cool. If you needed it, it stretches.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  Yeah. I, we had, we had all that stuff because my stepdad was in construction, so was my dad, so all of that stuff was always at the house. I'm now having to buy stuff that a real man would have. Also, shout out to everybody for the tips on the snow blower.

• 27:42H. Foley?

  It is weird because.

• 27:43Speaker 01

  Which some of you said ba, a lot of people were saying battery operated. Snow blower.

• 27:49H. Foley?

  Stuck out there in a cold.

• 27:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, fucking nuts.

• 27:51H. Foley?

  Well, they got batteries like the DeWalt batteries.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  That don't, I don't, that don't feel like that's the kinda heavy artillery I'm looking for.

• 27:58H. Foley?

  You want some two-stroke in there.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 28:00H. Foley?

  Prime it, pull it.

• 28:04H. Foley?

  It is strange that you, for more or less, come from a construction background.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  Oh, I would be working for a construction company right now if it was.

• 28:16H. Foley?

  But you don't know how to do anything.

• 28:19Speaker 01

  Now.

• 28:19H. Foley?

  And you stink at this.

• 28:22Speaker 01

  Uh, one I don't, sure, 100%, not.

• 28:25H. Foley?

  I don't know if I'd trust you to hang a picture.

• 28:27Speaker 01

  Uh, no, that's, I mean, that's stuff I can do. I can do it great, as long as me and my wife.

• 28:33H. Foley?

  My dad's there.

• 28:35Speaker 01

  I don't talk to him anymore.

• 28:36H. Foley?

  As long as I'm just sitting in the pageant seat eating Wawa.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  Uh, I was a great, we, as we would call, extra set of hands. I need an extra set of hands. I was a great extra set of hands. I was a great digger. I was great at a fucking Solzall, great with a Bosch gun, fucking the hammer drill, all that kinda shit. I was great fucking mixing concrete, great pouring concrete, not a good finisher, you know, uh, good at, like, I was good with, I was good with hand tools if it was all, if it was like a piece of equipment. I wasn't good at building something.

• 29:07H. Foley?

  Like a sandwich.

• 29:08Speaker 01

  No, but if it was like, hey, these units, they gotta take this apart, whatever, put it back there. I was good at that. If there was a set

• 29:17Speaker 01

  thing, if I had to like make something, I'm not good at making it. I could bust the fuck out of that. I'd take that right out. But then my wife's gonna be breaking my balls and fucking pull one in.

• 29:25H. Foley?

  That's a lot of trash bags.

• 29:26Speaker 01

  I'd have to take out another fit load.

• 29:27H. Foley?

  That's a lot of trash bags.

• 29:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I was good at that kinda stuff. I was, I'm not good at, uh, like, building stuff, or doing like, making something from nothing.

• 29:38H. Foley?

  I'm not good at any of that shit.

• 29:39Speaker 01

  Nah.

• 29:39H. Foley?

  I like to procrastinate, ladies and gentlemen.

• 29:41Speaker 01

  Hence, a trash, and my wife's like, what are we doing with this? I'm like, ah, next week.

• 29:45H. Foley?

  Isn't it crazy they just decide one day? You weren't bitching about it fucking for the last three weeks.

• 29:50Speaker 01

  Nah, listen, I can't, I can't throw my wife, I can't trash her on this. That is a completely fair.

• 29:55H. Foley?

  I met wives in general.

• 29:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, I can't, I'm gonna have to push back on it. Uh, I, that's a completely fair assessment. It'd be one thing if it was a good tape job like you said with black electrical.

• 30:04H. Foley?

  Terrible tape job. Just fix the tape.

• 30:06Speaker 01

  I could've turned the bags inside out. The warning's on the bags still.

• 30:09H. Foley?

  Get a Sharpie and black it out the tape, see if she'd notice this.

• 30:14H. Foley?

  Put the TV in front of that.

• 30:15Speaker 01

  Put a fake picture of it, like if I draw a fire on it or something.

• 30:18H. Foley?

  That's not bad.

• 30:20Speaker 01

  I gotta step, Mike. I gotta fix that. I gotta get the TV.

• 30:22H. Foley?

  Oh, you know what you could get? You could get one of those Amish fireplaces, or a gas stove in there.

• 30:28Speaker 01

  I don't want, I don't need, I've never lit a fire. I'm not, I'm, you know, I, yeah, I mean, listen. If I was a different, if I was a completely different guy, for sure I'd be lighting a fire.

• 30:37H. Foley?

  I don't want to tell you how to live.

• 30:38Speaker 01

  I got the one outside that we do in the summer.

• 30:40H. Foley?

  Hey, yeah.

• 30:41Speaker 01

  Old smokeless, John. It ain't smokeless.

• 30:43H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 30:44Speaker 01

  Sit there with a bottle of white wine, shout out to Cavett, Pinot Grigia, pack of heaters.

• 30:49H. Foley?

  Is that what you're doing?

• 30:50Speaker 01

  I've done that all.

• 30:51H. Foley?

  White wine and heaters?

• 30:53Speaker 01

  Well, Nisi wine. I, I don't keep beer at the house, and I ha, I keep a bottle of wine for when Denise comes.

• 30:59H. Foley?

  But you'll get into it.

• 31:00Speaker 01

  Oh, get into it?

• 31:01H. Foley?

  Like the mice.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  Can't get out of it.

• 31:03H. Foley?

  And that crack corn.

• 31:03Speaker 01

  Uh huh. Uh, but listen, my shitty house and/or alcoholic issues are neither here nor there. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands, gang.

• 31:12H. Foley?

  Let's talk a little business.

• 31:13Speaker 01

  And we gotta friggin' get into it, dog. Um, this one's just funny. This is, uh, from Outta Shapeshift. "Are you aware of how long you can hold your breath?"

• 31:24H. Foley?

  Two minutes.

• 31:25Speaker 01

  No way.

• 31:30Speaker 02

  Great podcasting.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  No, it is.

• 31:41Speaker 02

  I got the timer up right here. Closing in on about...

• 31:46Speaker 01

  Six seconds. Your face is getting red. I can see it in you. Yeah.

• 31:52Speaker 02

  I think I'll give you, yeah, 20, let's say, now.

• 31:56Speaker 01

  What?

• 31:56H. Foley?

  What, you fucking rat? That's at least a minute!

• 31:59Speaker 02

  No way. That's it. Holy shit. Nose starts bleeding.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  Holy shit.

• 32:09Speaker 01

  You're bleeding from your ears and shit.

• 32:11H. Foley?

  I can't see.

• 32:15H. Foley?

  I could do about a minute.

• 32:16Speaker 01

  I don't think so.

• 32:17H. Foley?

  What are you supposed to do?

• 32:18Speaker 01

  I'm, dude, I'm not even fucking around. I might be 14 seconds.

• 32:23H. Foley?

  You get scared, probably.

• 32:25Speaker 01

  I'm, I'm asthmatic. I was, I was, I remember.

• 32:27H. Foley?

  Asthmatic?

• 32:28Speaker 01

  Everybody was doing it in the pool one time, dude. And like, the thing was like, cause you would float to the top. So they'd be like, hey, like, just put, like, I'm gonna go down to the bottom. Put your foot on my ba- not like, hold you, but just so I don't.

• 32:39H. Foley?

  Oh, I'd freak out.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  Dude, so I don't float up, you know what I mean?

• 32:42H. Foley?

  Uh huh. A buoyant guy, ladies. Grab onto me.

• 32:46Speaker 01

  And like, you would just like, tap, you know what I mean? Of like, hey, I'm coming up. And like, you know, it was just to like, keep you down so you didn't float to the top. Dude.

• 32:52H. Foley?

  Ah!

• 32:54Speaker 01

  I started freaking out. I'm biting them and shit.

• 32:58H. Foley?

  Biting it.

• 32:59Speaker 01

  Ah! Kip, he bit me. Bleeding in the pool, gotta shock it. I might be 14. Alright, are you ready?

• 33:09Speaker 02

  Good to go.

• 33:10H. Foley?

  Are we doing it?

• 33:13Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 33:19H. Foley?

  This is Kevin Ryan, attempting to hold his breath.

• 33:24Speaker 02

  We're at 15 seconds right now.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  That's pretty good.

• 33:26H. Foley?

  15 seconds?

• 33:30H. Foley?

  Now, I was five times as long as that.

• 33:32Speaker 01

  No, you weren't.

• 33:33H. Foley?

  The fuck I wasn't?

• 33:34Speaker 02

  You got to 20. I'll give you 40.

• 33:36Speaker 01

  It wasn't a minute. And maybe, I mean, it didn't feel like a minute, I should say.

• 33:40Speaker 02

  I, I had the time. It was not a minute.

• 33:42H. Foley?

  What is the, uh, daily recommended dose? How long are you supposed to be able to hold your breath?

• 33:48Speaker 01

  I don't think the doctors are rec- hey.

• 33:50H. Foley?

  Well, I do, I do that sometimes to make sure, to test to see how my lungs are doing, for all the heaters that I've had.

• 33:55Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. He do like a heater.

• 33:58H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm. I did. No more.

• 34:00Speaker 01

  Okay, as of when? Yesterday about 11 a.m.?

• 34:04H. Foley?

  It was more about 10:30.

• 34:05Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 34:07Speaker 02

  Uh, the average untrained adult should, can safely hold their breath for approximately 30 to 90 seconds.

• 34:13Speaker 01

  I'm not that far. I could've got to 30. I'm willing to die for it. I'll lay it all on the line.

• 34:19H. Foley?

  There's, uh, there's people in, uh, I don't know if it's Polynesia or whatever, but they have evolved to where they can hold their breath even longer. Cause they do like spearfishing and shit. Not like, on the weekends. They do it for like, to feed their family.

• 34:33H. Foley?

  They've evolved into something else.

• 34:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, they go down there and they carry the rocks and stuff to like walking on the ground under there.

• 34:39H. Foley?

  Who? No.

• 34:40Speaker 01

  Hey, no. No, they'll go down there and like, you ever see the people that can like...

• 34:44H. Foley?

  That's SEAL training. They do that. They take the weights down in the pool and they walk.

• 34:47Speaker 01

  Who wants to be a SEAL? I got you. That's not what I'm talking about.

• 34:51H. Foley?

  These are fishermen.

• 34:52Speaker 01

  I've seen the Tikta.

• 34:54Speaker 02

  The Bajuu people in Southeast Asia.

• 34:56Speaker 01

  Boo, the Bajuu. About to take a Bajuu. Alright, okay, hey, alright.

• 35:02H. Foley?

  What's he saying?

• 35:02Speaker 01

  Who?

• 35:03H. Foley?

  The kid. Oh, is it, that was it?

• 35:05Speaker 01

  About what?

• 35:06H. Foley?

  Just, is it, is it good, it trash, know how long you can hold your breath?

• 35:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think if you're an adult going, "I can hold my breath for 37 seconds," and or bragging about it is probably not the classiest thing.

• 35:16H. Foley?

  You know what my move in the pool is with that? The handstand. You guys want to see me do a handstand?

• 35:22Speaker 01

  Who are you talking to?

• 35:23H. Foley?

  I don't know, other people.

• 35:24Speaker 01

  Anybody then?

• 35:25H. Foley?

  Who's ever hanging?

• 35:26Speaker 01

  The other people on vacation.

• 35:27H. Foley?

  Yeah, who's ever hanging?

• 35:28Speaker 01

  Excuse me, sir. I can see your taint.

• 35:34H. Foley?

  Well, I have to cut the drawstring out of the...

• 35:36Speaker 01

  You're like giving her...

• 35:37H. Foley?

  I gotta cut the netting out of the thing because it rubs against my thighs.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  Thick thighs and she's full of surprise.

• 35:43H. Foley?

  That's how, that's what that would sound like. But I'd still do the handstand for them.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  I'm sure they'd, I'm sure they'd be thrilled.

• 35:49H. Foley?

  I'd do a real good handstand in the pool.

• 35:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's not, everybody can.

• 35:54H. Foley?

  Nah.

• 35:57H. Foley?

  Babies can't. Bet you the Bajuu people could do a wicked one. Stay down there for a long time. Very garbage. That's a, that's a great question. Kim, let's talk about chime.

• 36:07Speaker 01

  Chime!

• 36:08H. Foley?

  As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.

• 36:10Speaker 01

  You ain't lying, big man.

• 36:11H. Foley?

  Things start adding up.

• 36:12Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 36:13H. Foley?

  You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking, make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right, watch out for bank fees, all that kinda stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish. I could go back and say, "Hey, I wish I had chime."

• 36:27Speaker 01

  I know. Listen, if, if you're out there, this is where chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is. Then you got these big corporate banks coming after ya.

• 36:40H. Foley?

  Overdraft fees.

• 36:41Speaker 01

  Overdraft fees. Monthly statement, that it. Oh, oh, five, five dollars for this, $10 for that. They got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to $200 fee-free. Look at that. I know I need that, dog. Uh, right now, you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage. That's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now. It only takes a few minutes. Do it.

• 37:23Speaker 03

  Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime Card provided by Chime's Bank Partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details.

• 37:35Speaker 04

  Now at Kroger, your points add up to more ways to save every trip. Use them your way to take dollars off groceries at checkout or save at the pump. You can even save up to $35 on your next fill-up. Same points, more choices. And with low prices on fresh, quality food, plus digital and personalized offers tailored to how you shop, your dollar goes further. Redeem your points online or in the app. Kroger, fresh for everyone. Restrictions apply. See site or store for details.

• 38:05Speaker 01

  Um, I just went from our boy Fritz. Shout out Fritz. He does a lot of the artwork that's hanging around the studio. Um, you's ever use a sauce pot to fry something? I just used a five-gallon pot to fry up some diesels. That's jammed up.

• 38:20H. Foley?

  A sauce pot?

• 38:21Speaker 01

  You're using a pot as a pan.

• 38:24H. Foley?

  Oh, he wasn't like deep frying it.

• 38:27Speaker 01

  No, he's like just turned, puts, puts an empty pot. I've done it.

• 38:31H. Foley?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 38:32Speaker 01

  I mean, if you're making, you can't make eggs in there. You can't get in there. I guess you can make some scrambies.

• 38:36H. Foley?

  Probably make some pretty good scrambies in there.

• 38:40H. Foley?

  That's not a bad idea. You know what else I noticed, too? When you're doing eggies in the morning, the smaller pan's better.

• 38:47Speaker 01

  Uh-huh. My wife does that.

• 38:50H. Foley?

  Because if you do three, if you do three over easy in a small pan, it fills the circle perfectly. Then you get a good flip. Flip it back over on a toast. And you're out the door.

• 39:01Speaker 01

  So you're doing no carbs.

• 39:03H. Foley?

  I didn't say that. When did I say I'm doing no carbs?

• 39:06Speaker 01

  You said you do four eggs, all protein.

• 39:10H. Foley?

  When?

• 39:11Speaker 01

  At the beginning of this episode.

• 39:14H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:15Speaker 01

  No more than, I don't know, 18 minutes.

• 39:20H. Foley?

  I'm just saying in general, you know.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 39:23H. Foley?

  Hey, you're like a, like a police dog. Second I say something doesn't line up. I just meant to royal you when you're making breakfast. Put it right on your toast.

• 39:32Speaker 01

  Alright, I apologize.

• 39:32H. Foley?

  I have, I have had toast before. Yeah, I have, man.

• 39:38H. Foley?

  Have you?

• 39:39Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 39:39H. Foley?

  Okay. What the fuck's the big deal?

• 39:43Speaker 01

  There's a piece of toast in there.

• 39:47Speaker 01

  Couple of breadsticks fall out of that.

• 39:48H. Foley?

  Ah, I love a breadstick. I love a breadstick.

• 39:52Speaker 01

  You know what's pretty classy?

• 39:54H. Foley?

  Breadsticks on the table at the restaurant.

• 39:56Speaker 01

  Sure, but they beca- they become more, I don't know if it's European or what.

• 40:00H. Foley?

  Not those weird sticks.

• 40:01Speaker 01

  The hard breadsticks?

• 40:03H. Foley?

  The thin ones?

• 40:04Speaker 01

  Any of them.

• 40:04H. Foley?

  They look like flowers that are dead. You're talking about the thin one?

• 40:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:09H. Foley?

  That I'm sticking on the table.

• 40:11Speaker 01

  I like that.

• 40:11H. Foley?

  Hit me with a fucking basket of rolls.

• 40:13Speaker 01

  I'm not saying, listen, I'm not saying that wa- it's better than that. I'm just saying it's, it makes me feel classy while I consume my carbohydrates. Sometimes they'll even give you butter. At Gallagher's they'll do that. And you can fucking butter things that aren't really supposed to be buttered. Now we're talking.

• 40:29H. Foley?

  Buttering things you're not supposed to butter.

• 40:30Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 40:31H. Foley?

  Let's talk about a couple of those things real quick, if we could. Things I like to butter that aren't supposed to be buttered by H. Foley.

• 40:40Speaker 01

  Forward by H. Foley.

• 40:41H. Foley?

  By Kevin Ryan. Conceptual idea created by Kevin Ryan. Muffins.

• 40:49H. Foley?

  I like to put a lump of butter.

• 40:51Speaker 01

  Is that a real, I don't, I'm not a big muffin guy. I'm not a muffin man, but I feel like that's probably, people are doing that, right? I feel like there's a picture of a muffin box, like batter box, and it's got a, it's a muffin with a pad of butter on it.

• 41:09H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah, it might do that. I know you're talking about that blueberry mix.

• 41:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe unless I'm, unless I'm making that up or something.

• 41:14H. Foley?

  Jiffy, I think it's called.

• 41:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, something like that.

• 41:17H. Foley?

  It's blue writing. Why do you have a keyboard on your laptop?

• 41:22Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 41:23H. Foley?

  The, where you play, you writing beats?

• 41:25Speaker 02

  Oh, it's uh, for the audio configuration, yeah.

• 41:29H. Foley?

  Thought he was back in the lab.

• 41:30Speaker 01

  You got jealous, didn't ya?

• 41:32H. Foley?

  A little bit, you think he collab with Uncle Hank? Do a little, uh, you know? Do a little, like a, a Beesah kinda thing?

• 41:40Speaker 01

  Or just take a bunch of pills?

• 41:42H. Foley?

  No, he'd do his house music over some-

• 41:44Speaker 01

  I gotcha.

• 41:45H. Foley?

  Some riffs.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  I was joking.

• 41:46H. Foley?

  As they call them.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  Butter on muffins, normal thing, the box though, it's a little bit of the Berenstain Bears effect, I believe.

• 41:55Speaker 01

  Really?

• 41:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:56Speaker 01

  Mandela effect. The pad of butter effect. That's not what I'm talking about.

• 42:02H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's not what he's talking, it's called Jif. Type Jiffy. Jiffy cornbread mix.

• 42:07Speaker 01

  Oh, maybe it's cornbread.

• 42:10H. Foley?

  There it is.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:11H. Foley?

  Ooh, that's a pad of butter.

• 42:13Speaker 01

  That's a corn muffin, man, that's a muffin.

• 42:15H. Foley?

  Corn muffin. Man.

• 42:16Speaker 01

  You didn't-

• 42:16H. Foley?

  I would kill for a tray of those right now.

• 42:20Speaker 01

  What else do you, what else do you like butter on?

• 42:22H. Foley?

  Bobka. I put it on Bobka.

• 42:25Speaker 02

  It's good.

• 42:25H. Foley?

  I know it's fucked up.

• 42:27Speaker 01

  I don't even, really sure what Bobka is, but okay.

• 42:29H. Foley?

  It's a Jewish delicacy.

• 42:31Speaker 01

  I mean, I know that, yes.

• 42:32H. Foley?

  Dessert, chocolate, cinnamon sometime. I like a Bobka.

• 42:36Speaker 01

  A lesser Bobka.

• 42:39H. Foley?

  Possible.

• 42:40Speaker 01

  Is that it?

• 42:41H. Foley?

  What do you, uh, yeah, I guess so.

• 42:42Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 42:44H. Foley?

  Potatoes.

• 42:45Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 42:46H. Foley?

  Baked potato.

• 42:46Speaker 01

  Uh huh, toast. I know you so well.

• 42:50H. Foley?

  Um-

• 42:50Speaker 01

  Baked potato, toast.

• 42:52H. Foley?

  Like a honey bun? Do it on a honey bun?

• 42:55Speaker 02

  My dad always did it on like banana bread or pumpkin bread?

• 42:58H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah. Hell yeah.

• 43:00Speaker 01

  That's bread. That's bread as far as I'm concerned.

• 43:03H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 43:03Speaker 01

  That's not weird to put butter on bread.

• 43:06H. Foley?

  Mm-mm. I told you I had unsalted butter not that long ago.

• 43:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:11H. Foley?

  Heated it. Had to put salt on it.

• 43:14Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 43:15H. Foley?

  Sucks.

• 43:15Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. In, uh, in Ger- in Germany, I'm a big fan is they'll slice the, the pretzel in, like, lengthwise, like a sandwich, slather that with butter, close it back up, munch it on that, so.

• 43:28H. Foley?

  Seal it off.

• 43:30Speaker 01

  Not bad.

• 43:30H. Foley?

  We even talked about these Wetzel's Pretzels, uh, Wet- Wet- Wetzel Pretzels.

• 43:35Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 43:36H. Foley?

  Wetzel Pretzel, Wetzel?

• 43:39Speaker 01

  Wetzel's.

• 43:40H. Foley?

  Wetzel's Pretzels.

• 43:41Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 43:42H. Foley?

  Which I saw for the first time on 57th Street. Yes, doing my research out, out of, out of town. Didn't, wasn't aware of this operation, because it looks like an Annie's ripoff.

• 43:54H. Foley?

  Or Philly, trying to muscle it on the Philly soft pretzel, which don't you fucking care?

• 43:57Speaker 01

  I think they're significantly bigger than Philly soft pretzels.

• 44:00H. Foley?

  Really?

• 44:00Speaker 01

  Philly soft pretzels, there's probably, I'm making, I'm, you know, they're only in the region, so there's 50 of them, that would be a lot.

• 44:07H. Foley?

  I didn't know the rest of the country was doing soft pretzels like that. Who are these Wetzel's?

• 44:11Speaker 02

  They have more than 370 locations.

• 44:13H. Foley?

  Pretty good.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's great. Yeah, I mean, I think it's like west coast or Midwest, they were never around us.

• 44:19H. Foley?

  Mm-mm. I don't like it.

• 44:20Speaker 01

  Nah, I mean, you can't move into Philadelphia region with Wetzel's Pretzels. You wish guys selling pretzels.

• 44:26H. Foley?

  Not without paying off the right people, huh? It ain't no Boy Scouts.

• 44:29Speaker 01

  Nah.

• 44:30Speaker 02

  Wetzel's has about 35% of the market share, it seems like.

• 44:34H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  35% of the pretzel, that's, that's gotta be a trillion dollar industry.

• 44:38H. Foley?

  It's a lot of, it's a lot of, it's a lot of pretzels.

• 44:40Speaker 01

  It's a lot of.

• 44:41H. Foley?

  35's a huge.

• 44:41Speaker 01

  Hey, that's a lot of dough.

• 44:43H. Foley?

  So, pretty good. 35 is, uh, a huge percentage of market share.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  Did 266 million in sales as of 2023.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  Wait till Foley knows, now Foley knows about them.

• 44:55H. Foley?

  206 million a year or total?

• 44:57Speaker 02

  266 million, I believe total, but yeah, it seems like it'd be more.

• 45:03H. Foley?

  Lose more than that, running for the bus. What are you talking about? 260? Get out of here!

• 45:08Speaker 01

  Your concept of large numbers.

• 45:10H. Foley?

  What's Philly soft pretzel doing?

• 45:12Speaker 01

  That's probably not publicly reported. You catch my drift? When you're, when you're selling pretzels.

• 45:18H. Foley?

  They're tanking.

• 45:19Speaker 01

  When you're selling pretzels out of a shopping cart on fucking Woodhaven Boulevard, they don't really, you're not really reporting that to the fucking SEC.

• 45:27Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? You're not ringing the bell.

• 45:29H. Foley?

  Anybody ask, we're not doing well.

• 45:30Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:32H. Foley?

  Luke?

• 45:33Speaker 01

  What's that? I got nothing. That was such a... I wonder... I wonder, uh...

• 45:39H. Foley?

  Enjoy my Wetzel's pretzels.

• 45:41Speaker 01

  If that's still happening...

• 45:43H. Foley?

  What?

• 45:43Speaker 01

  Because that was a big fundraiser thing.

• 45:45H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 45:46Speaker 01

  In the Philadelphia area, at schools, games, I'm sure, but like, was the so...

• 45:50H. Foley?

  We did it in college.

• 45:51Speaker 01

  The soft pretzels, because you can go buy, I'm making up a number, a hundred soft pretzels for ten cents a piece. You sell three for... They used to be three for a dollar.

• 45:57H. Foley?

  Six in the morning, you go down there and get them.

• 45:59Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. You go down, pick them, you get the big wooden box, the big cardboard box.

• 46:04H. Foley?

  Right out of the oven.

• 46:06Speaker 01

  And you break them up, but they give you bags, you sell you bags, too, brown paper bags. You put two in a bag, three in a bag, whatever it was. We would... That was... As a fat kid who spent a lot of time in the car with his dad driving around to construction sites,

• 46:20Speaker 01

  he knew he could buy me for another two hours by getting me a three-pack. He knew it.

• 46:27H. Foley?

  Pull right up.

• 46:28Speaker 01

  Oh, we were huge buying pretzels. We would get the money before we left the house. Like, if we were going down the shore or something with my mom, we would make sure we had... Yeah, we got cash, we're gonna stop and get pretzels from the pretzel guy at Woodhaven Boulevard. By... Woodhaven and Byberry, right before you get on I-95. I told you, she also hit that same guy.

• 46:45H. Foley?

  And if he wasn't there one day, I bet you were a real nightmare to be around in the car.

• 46:50Speaker 01

  I fucking hopped, I rolled out.

• 46:52H. Foley?

  Chewing on the seatbelt.

• 46:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was, uh, we were definitely stopping at a Wawa if that was the case.

• 46:56H. Foley?

  Gentlemen.

• 46:57Speaker 01

  Um, but that was huge, so then you would... That was like a fundraiser. The school would do it and like...

• 47:01H. Foley?

  Yeah, we did it at college.

• 47:02Speaker 01

  It was an easy way. I wonder if that's still really happening as much? Because now I feel fundraisers, like the things I've gotten from my nieces and nephews and other people...

• 47:11H. Foley?

  They're all legit.

• 47:12Speaker 01

  It's like a link. It's like, here, Venmo this, it's like...

• 47:15H. Foley?

  What the fuck?

• 47:15Speaker 01

  There's no hand-to-hand transaction.

• 47:17H. Foley?

  You gotta work the skim, you idiots. You don't put that shit online like that. Cash!

• 47:22Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:22H. Foley?

  That way you can take care of everybody, grease everybody, people at the top.

• 47:28H. Foley?

  Then you get the money to whoever it's going to.

• 47:30Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 47:30H. Foley?

  At 30% less, but you don't know what happened to that.

• 47:34Speaker 01

  I also, I had the idea, I didn't run this by either one of you, I had the idea to do some sort of like 50-

• 47:40H. Foley?

  Charity scam? Yes.

• 47:42Speaker 01

  Not scam. I mean, obviously, we'd be compensated for our administrative fees, 99% of the income.

• 47:51Speaker 01

  No, I don't know what the legal gambling ramifications are of doing some sort of 50/50 with all of the homies and the bozos. Right? The idea would be due to like, it'd be like a lottery, essentially, like a small lottery that obviously-

• 48:05H. Foley?

  Who does the numbers?

• 48:06Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 48:06H. Foley?

  We do?

• 48:08Speaker 01

  I'd have to look into this. No, you would do, it would be like ticket, you would buy a, like a 50/50, you would buy a ticket, and then all that, why are you looking at me like I'm a fucker?

• 48:15H. Foley?

  This just sounds highly illegal, and I'm into it.

• 48:18Speaker 01

  Well then, how do they do 50/50s?

• 48:19H. Foley?

  You do it at a stadium, I don't think you do it online.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  Well, I'm just saying, I'm saying that there's probably some legal caveats, but there's online gambling.

• 48:27H. Foley?

  You say, yeah, they're all, they're all Native Americans, though. They got the resorts and all that shit, the reservations, we gotta go up there and talk to them, gotta go upstate.

• 48:36Speaker 01

  Is DraftKings a sponsor on this episode? If they are, this is getting cut.

• 48:40Speaker 02

  A national 50/50 raffle is technically challenging due to varying state laws. Some states prohibit raffles entirely, or restrict online-

• 48:48Speaker 01

  Move it offshore on a website.

• 48:50H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 48:51Speaker 01

  Now, see?

• 48:52H. Foley?

  Put Luke's computer on a little boat.

• 48:54Speaker 01

  Put it on a cruise ship.

• 48:56H. Foley?

  Oh, that's not a bad idea. Wait, so you're saying, have like an e-ticket, put it out there, everybody buys, and we do the wheel here?

• 49:04Speaker 01

  I mean, I'm not that, I haven't reached the broadcasting aspect of it.

• 49:07H. Foley?

  I wanna pick the numbers.

• 49:08Speaker 01

  The idea is, I wanna do it, uh, to help out, it's like, uh, you know, hey, I buy $5 in tickets, you might win, I mean, I don't, you might win 1,800 bucks, help you cover your rent, you know what I mean? Like, that kinda thing. A self-sustaining economy.

• 49:24H. Foley?

  But they get half of it.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  They'd probably get most of it. All, I mean, I'm not doing this to wet our beaks, I would-

• 49:31H. Foley?

  What's the charity?

• 49:32Speaker 01

  This is what I'm saying, I think 50/50 works because it's charity. We'd have to make a charity, which we can then take the money-

• 49:37H. Foley?

  Make one up.

• 49:37Speaker 01

  Put it in the charity and donate that money for sure, after we take our board director fees.

• 49:44H. Foley?

  Lunches, travel, meetings.

• 49:47Speaker 01

  Run it through the charity. That's how those rich guys get caught, right? Somebody like recently got caught like that.

• 49:53H. Foley?

  Running it through the charity?

• 49:54Speaker 01

  Put it through the charity. Buying like fucking, you know, Maseratis and fucking helicopters and shit. Also, I realized

• 50:04Speaker 01

  there's a difference, cuz uh, I come down the West Side Highway, uh, most days, and that's where a lot of the helipads are. Right there, like, and that's, uh, you see, that's real rich people. That's like...

• 50:17H. Foley?

  They're coming in.

• 50:18Speaker 01

  They're either coming in, and there's a driver, yeah, there's a dri- they're coming from upstate, I don't know where the fuck they are. There's a driver in like a big black Escalade waiting for them. They land, they don't even get their bag, the driver runs up, the pilot hands the driver the bags.

• 50:32H. Foley?

  The pilot?

• 50:33Speaker 01

  Or somebody. Not these rich motherfuckers. It's just like a, and I'm, you know, I'm sitting there, I'm sitting there on a city bike freezing my dick off going, that must be, that must be the life.

• 50:45Speaker 01

  Got fucking plastic bags on my socks.

• 50:46H. Foley?

  You guys see the pretzel guy?

• 50:48Speaker 01

  He used to be three for a dollar back when I was banging. Um...

• 50:54Speaker 01

  There're two, there's two, there's two different kinds of helicopters.

• 50:57H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  And I assume there's two different classes. There's the one, the standard A-team helicopter with the legs out like a fucking, you know, like a military type thing.

• 51:06H. Foley?

  If you're a bum.

• 51:07Speaker 01

  And then there's the one with the wheels, the fucking, the landing gear.

• 51:11H. Foley?

  The Sikorskis.

• 51:12Speaker 01

  And they fly, they're like flat-bottomed. You see them guys, you see, a little bit of cash.

• 51:18H. Foley?

  Yeah, those, they're nice seats back there, too.

• 51:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's like, that's-

• 51:20H. Foley?

  Genuine leather, folks. Genuine catcher's mitt level, they're chilling back there.

• 51:26Speaker 01

  Real nice.

• 51:27H. Foley?

  Yeah. Who are those dickheads?

• 51:29Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 51:30H. Foley?

  They got some hot broad assistant with them?

• 51:31Speaker 01

  How much kinda cash you got to be like, let me fly to ya? It's crazy.

• 51:35H. Foley?

  To come into the city?

• 51:36Speaker 01

  Also, I like getting in a car with the boys. I like throwing on some tunes.

• 51:40H. Foley?

  Who you taking the car down with?

• 51:42Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 51:42H. Foley?

  Oh, you mean in general?

• 51:43Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's like, oh, I got two hours, you know, two hour drive, whatever, hop in with the boys. Throw the tunes on, start trashing people.

• 51:49H. Foley?

  These guys are probably going to work. Probably live in Connecticut, old Greenwich.

• 51:52Speaker 01

  We drive to work together.

• 51:54H. Foley?

  No, we don't.

• 51:56Speaker 01

  Go all over the country driving to work.

• 51:57H. Foley?

  Oh, sure. I thought you meant into the city.

• 51:59Speaker 01

  No.

• 52:00H. Foley?

  Drive with you.

• 52:01Speaker 01

  Never catch you on a knee blink.

• 52:03H. Foley?

  They're dangerous.

• 52:04Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 52:06H. Foley?

  Yeah, well, it's all for charity, so what are you gonna do?

• 52:08Speaker 01

  Um...

• 52:08H. Foley?

  Damn it, I'm outta coffee.

• 52:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would like to figure out some way to give, you know, a localized lottery, I'm sure it'd be highly illegal.

• 52:19H. Foley?

  But you start saying localized lottery, localized lottery, people down in Little Italy, Little Italy might take a little offense to that. So why don't you shut up? Talk about this off camera. Trying to get us all pinched? Bring cash. Mail a dollar to a P O box, and we'll mail it back to you. We won't mail it back to them. Get out of there.

• 52:46Speaker 01

  Cause that reminds me, I think it's, I think-

• 52:48H. Foley?

  Get your fireplace fixed before you start doing charitable work.

• 52:50H. Foley?

  How do you think I'm trying to get the money? That's the fit loan?

• 52:55Speaker 01

  The kid-

• 52:58Speaker 01

  The fifty fifty loan, dog.

• 53:01Speaker 01

  Cause, uh, I think it's, it's pretty prominent in, uh, Latin American or Hispanic cultures is they, they used to do it at my job-

• 53:09H. Foley?

  I know what you're talking about.

• 53:09Speaker 01

  Is like, everybody takes a hundred dollars a paycheck or something, puts it in and like, you get it one, say there's ten people in, you get it one every ten weeks or whatever. So like you get a bit, you only take a hundred dollars out of your account, but then in ten weeks, you get like a thousand, or like the big lump sum.

• 53:27H. Foley?

  Does, does that work?

• 53:29Speaker 01

  It's the same amount of money, but the idea is, an influx, you losing a hundred dollars isn't as detrimental to the benefit of an influx of, to however many people are in it.

• 53:40H. Foley?

  Right.

• 53:41Speaker 01

  Um, like, hey, once I get this, we can pay, we can book the, it's like a savings account essentially, that you get access to every however many weeks there are.

• 53:51H. Foley?

  Filipinos do that too. Better than that racket.

• 53:57H. Foley?

  That's something I was just saying, something we can get into. You wanna do that? What? Not with you, I'd be getting fucking screwed left and right. What are you, nuts? You never gave it to me that much. It'd be your week every week. Look at that, everything's coming up fully. Talk about fifty fifty. Lucre, that's poor people shit.

• 54:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:18H. Foley?

  The Dempsey's don't go for that. No, just invest it. When can you make it?

• 54:22Speaker 01

  That's, we're so, we're so different, dude. He's going invest it and I'm going, let's start a lot, a fake lottery.

• 54:28H. Foley?

  Let it ride, baby. Let it ride!

• 54:30Speaker 01

  We are just different guys, dude. We are from different places.

• 54:33H. Foley?

  Invest it.

• 54:36Speaker 01

  I don't think anyone- Blow it! I don't think anyone in my family has ever invested anything. I remember my dad, this is, this was, this was the big, the big investment I remember ever, the only investment I remember ever hearing of was my dad's, the construction company did like the refrigeration at a lab, like a medical lab. It was like they were building a new medical lab in like a warehouse or something.

• 55:03H. Foley?

  These guys are putting on to something here.

• 55:05Speaker 01

  And they were doing like HV, HIV medication or something like that.

• 55:09H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 55:09Speaker 01

  And, uh-

• 55:10H. Foley?

  The old man heard that, got in.

• 55:11Speaker 01

  So they, it was Sunday, there was about to be a break, it was something. And there was rumblings of like, get in where you ca- something or, I don't even-

• 55:21H. Foley?

  You left out in the cold.

• 55:22Speaker 01

  I don't even remember, but I remember they, you know, that was, that was like, ah, we're gonna get in, and then it ta- it plummeted, didn't pass FDA regulation or something like that, it just fucking-

• 55:35H. Foley?

  I was talking to a guy not that long ago that was talking about, uh, he is a, I don't know, he has an investment firm, it's most-

• 55:43Speaker 01

  I don't know, I wasn't listening.

• 55:44H. Foley?

  It's mostly for, um, tech, uh, pharmaceutical companies. And I'm like, what are, what are they making? And he's like, well, it's usually, you know, HIV or cancer, uh, uh, vaccines. And I'm like, what kind of fucking scam is this?

• 56:01Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 56:02H. Foley?

  They're probably, probably nothing, nothing that works. But a bunch of you put money into it and they take a shot at it, and if it works, they all get rich?

• 56:10Speaker 01

  Sure, yeah.

• 56:10H. Foley?

  It's the same shit, Luke. Hey, man, can you give me Percocet or not?

• 56:13Speaker 01

  Hey, man, I'm withdrawing here.

• 56:17H. Foley?

  And for that reason, I'm out. But if that's the same shit as fucking-

• 56:22Speaker 01

  That was a homerun, Luke.

• 56:24H. Foley?

  About time you woke up.

• 56:26Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 56:27H. Foley?

  That's the same shit as putting a hundred bucks in, it's on a different level. This guy goes around telling, he's probably doing a new one every week. Ah, the cancer vaccine.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  How much money did he take from you?

• 56:40Speaker 01

  It sounds, it sounds like you got ripped off.

• 56:42H. Foley?

  No, I was just thinking, I was like, oh man, that, this is the, it's a racket.

• 56:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, investing.

• 56:47H. Foley?

  Yeah, but.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  I mean, I think that people.

• 56:49H. Foley?

  You say cancer, everybody, oh, yeah, yeah, they're on a breakthrough thing for cancer. No, they're not.

• 56:56Speaker 01

  I know, but the people, they're not saying that to like Patty, and Patty's getting her checkbook out for fucking eighteen hundred dollars. They're saying that to people like millionaires.

• 57:04H. Foley?

  Eighteen hundred?

• 57:05Speaker 01

  Don't cash that till.

• 57:06H. Foley?

  She's on a fixed income.

• 57:07Speaker 01

  Don't cash that till next week.

• 57:11Speaker 01

  They're not saying that to people who are like.

• 57:13H. Foley?

  No, they get hedge funds and shit.

• 57:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, like people, yeah, and it's like, they do that with like fifteen different pharmaceutical companies, and one fucking hits the fucking thing and pop goes the weasel, dog. That's what we gotta get into. This, listen.

• 57:26H. Foley?

  Pharmaceutical sales? I agree.

• 57:28Speaker 01

  We kinda talked, I'm pulling a lot of rogue business opportunities here.

• 57:31H. Foley?

  Have you?

• 57:32Speaker 01

  What?

• 57:32H. Foley?

  I would love that.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  No.

• 57:34H. Foley?

  If you were doing some shit on your own and it worked out, and you surprised me at the end day with a check.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  Oh, I gotta pay you?

• 57:39H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 57:40Speaker 01

  Well, if I'm using my personal fund.

• 57:41H. Foley?

  No. Company funds.

• 57:44Speaker 01

  If you.

• 57:45H. Foley?

  Gamble with Luke's pay. He's got it.

• 57:48Speaker 01

  We wanted, we were talking about investing in a homie or a bozo's company who makes something cool that we can get in on. If you have a brewery, maybe not a brewery, if you sell beers or something, something we can get in and have fun with. Shark tank this thing.

• 58:05H. Foley?

  One of these could be the next scrub daddy out there.

• 58:08Speaker 01

  Yes. Submit all of.

• 58:11H. Foley?

  You're doing this?

• 58:11Speaker 01

  Why not? Submit all of your, uh, ideas to AYG.

• 58:19H. Foley?

  Submission fee. One thousand dollars.

• 58:22Speaker 01

  Mail one dollar. Submit it to AYG Live Show at gmail dot com. AYG Live Show at gmail dot com. Send a picture and, you know, don't hit me.

• 58:33H. Foley?

  Your latest invention.

• 58:34Speaker 01

  Not, maybe not invention, I mean an established product of some sort.

• 58:38H. Foley?

  Are friends and family allowed to try it?

• 58:40Speaker 01

  Oh my, Patty sends her double sided, quad sided dildo?

• 58:46H. Foley?

  I got a guitar that I made with bass and drums on it.

• 58:51H. Foley?

  It's called the Whatchamacola.

• 58:55H. Foley?

  Do you remember Whatchamacola? Or are you too young for that?

• 58:57Speaker 01

  The candy?

• 58:58H. Foley?

  The candy.

• 58:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I've heard you talk about them every week for five fucking years. Ah, I mean, yeah, not...

• 59:05H. Foley?

  They used to really have something back in the day, then they changed the formula.

• 59:08Speaker 01

  That wasn't our kind, that wasn't my kind of candy when I was banging. What was your candy? That was your next question.

• 59:15H. Foley?

  No, it wasn't.

• 59:15Speaker 01

  You a Warheads guy?

• 59:17H. Foley?

  I'm not asking you about your candy selections.

• 59:19Speaker 01

  Okay, fair enough.

• 59:22H. Foley?

  Candy companies would definitely probably be at the top of that list.

• 59:26Speaker 01

  For you.

• 59:27H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 59:27Speaker 01

  I think selling candies is pretty tough.

• 59:30H. Foley?

  Selling candies?

• 59:31Speaker 01

  How you gonna sell candies?

• 59:33H. Foley?

  You gotta, you gotta, like Shaq's doing it. Shaq's making a move on the market.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  What?

• 59:37H. Foley?

  He is with Shaqlicious. He's got some gummies out there that ain't too bad. And he's got them all over the place.

• 59:43Speaker 01

  You're buying Shaq candy? That's crazy.

• 59:46H. Foley?

  He's a three-time champion.

• 59:48Speaker 01

  Goddamn MVP.

• 59:49H. Foley?

  What the fuck? If you're not buying from Shaq, who you buying from?

• 59:52Speaker 01

  He has so much money, it's crazy.

• 59:54H. Foley?

  He's a businessman.

• 59:55Speaker 01

  They say he's in, like, he owns, like...

• 59:58H. Foley?

  Pull up Shaqlicious. Gummy bears, gummy candies.

• 1:00:01Speaker 01

  Send me some.

• 1:00:02H. Foley?

  He's got, he's got a few, uh, genres, as they're called. I keep seeing them everywhere. But in a lot of bad bodegas, like...

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  A lot of rap snacks?

• 1:00:13H. Foley?

  Look at this, whole line.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  That looks pretty good. Wait, they're his head? That's weird, dude. That don't even look like him.

• 1:00:21H. Foley?

  Look, Shaq.

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  They should be basketballs. That's a good idea.

• 1:00:25H. Foley?

  That's not bad.

• 1:00:26Speaker 01

  That's not bad. I should be running Shaqlicious.

• 1:00:28H. Foley?

  What are the Shaq's? Oh, there you go. Wait, those look...

• 1:00:31Speaker 01

  Those look dopey.

• 1:00:33H. Foley?

  No. XL Gummies. Shaq Gummies. Yeah, I think those ones are...

• 1:00:39Speaker 01

  Oh, those are hoops and basketballs.

• 1:00:41H. Foley?

  That's cool. Hoops and basketballs. I dig that. Shaq, Shaqlicious.

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

  Listen, he's not letting us get in. I don't care how many times you plug it. Guy like that, he's a shark, letting us get in. Um, this is pretty funny. Speaking of money, I've kinda fucked this up. I'm not 100% positive who this is from. I believe it's Half Carpet. $10 home, he never had one. Red. "Are you garbage if the first time you ever saw real money was after an insurance payout for your car accident? And that real money was a grand total of $2,843."

• 1:01:14H. Foley?

  Some real cash.

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  That's some real fucking cash. If you're jammed up, that's real cash.

• 1:01:19H. Foley?

  I remember the first time I saw a $100 bill. It was the coolest thing.

• 1:01:24Speaker 01

  Well, back in the day, they weren't that. I would say in like the late 90s, early 2000s, they became like...

• 1:01:30H. Foley?

  This was mid 80s.

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

• 1:01:31H. Foley?

  An old one.

• 1:01:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:32H. Foley?

  My momma...

• 1:01:33Speaker 01

  Those old ones were so cool.

• 1:01:34H. Foley?

  My momma was going, either won it down at the casino, or they were going down to the casino. Showed me a $100 bill. "Oh, boy!" A hunnit.

• 1:01:46Speaker 01

  There was a time when my dad would roll, he was a, you know, guy trying to be rich. He would have a couple on him in the pocket at all times. And he'd always, you know, always, everybody saw them whenever, you know what I mean?

• 1:01:58H. Foley?

  It's funny, you do the same thing.

• 1:02:00Speaker 01

  I take it from him, yeah.

• 1:02:04Speaker 01

  I do it to make you mad, and it's working.

• 1:02:09H. Foley?

  Not at all.

• 1:02:10Speaker 01

  I always look at you a little bit, and then you look away. You're like usually eating or whatever. Not that's not even a fat joke, but I usually do it when we're eating lunch, and you're just like, "Mmm," look away.

• 1:02:19H. Foley?

  I had cash on me too.

• 1:02:20Speaker 01

  What do you got?

• 1:02:25Speaker 01

  A bunch of shackaliches.

• 1:02:26H. Foley?

  Fuck. Fucking my jokes.

• 1:02:29Speaker 01

  Suicide note?

• 1:02:31H. Foley?

  My set list.

• 1:02:32Speaker 01

  You got nothing?

• 1:02:33H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:36Speaker 01

  Tough.

• 1:02:37H. Foley?

  They get gripped up.

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  That was always, I don't know about you guys, but we, I think we were, I think our families were a bit different in this. We never did anything through insurance. Ever.

• 1:02:47H. Foley?

  What do you mean? Like if you got in a car accident?

• 1:02:49Speaker 01

  Never.

• 1:02:50H. Foley?

  What?

• 1:02:50Speaker 01

  Never.

• 1:02:51H. Foley?

  What if, what if you hit somebody?

• 1:02:53Speaker 01

  I don't think anybody ever hit anybody. I don't know.

• 1:02:55H. Foley?

  What if they hit you?

• 1:02:56Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:02:56H. Foley?

  What if they hit you? You were the dirtbag, just give me 600 now. That was you, wasn't it? Otherwise, the fat kid will say you broke his neck. Kevin, play dead!

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  I look like Chrissy.

• 1:03:06H. Foley?

  Kevin! Kevin, nosebleed now!

• 1:03:12Speaker 01

  I got the neck brace, the black glasses, and a zing going.

• 1:03:19Speaker 01

  That's the best. That's my favorite Chrissy. Um, I know, I don't know, I just, we never, that was like, paper, wow, it was like, red tape and paperwork and they know ya and then you're, they raise your rates and it was, we hated the idea of, of that. That was not where we went. And, uh, I remember my one buddy, got his, his parents got their car was fucked up or something and they didn't get it fixed. And like, somebody like, was able to give him a new fender, you know, some, they did like, you know, hey, we got 2,800 for the car. I had Billy fix it for 90 bucks. And I remember being like, what the? Talk about market share. That was crazy to me. That was like printing money.

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  Sitting on that. I was like, that is just fucking free? That's crazy. And then I remember I rear-ended this lady, this girl. And she did the same thing. She goes, I, it was, she had already been rear-ended. A couple of weeks before, whatever, then I rear-ended her. Did you? And she's like, I'm like, I got out, I'm like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. And they're, her and her dad were looking at it. Dad was in the driver's seat. She was driving, they were like, it was a, it was a, it was a maroon Mustang. Girl lived in my neighborhood. I followed her out of the neighborhood all the way and then we got to the first- Did you know her? Yeah. Not like, I mean, yeah, yeah, for sure know her. Okay. Went to another, she went to like the Catholic school, so we didn't really cross paths, but we knew like, from like, growing up, yeah.

• 1:04:45Speaker 01

  Um, I'm like, I followed you here all the way. She's like, yeah, I'm like, I'm sorry. And then she's like, I got hit three weeks ago there, they're cutting the insurance check, just forget about it. Wow. That's a homie right there. Not too shabby. And I'm already getting paid for this. Get out of here. You have to do something about this missing finger though.

• 1:05:05Speaker 01

  That fixes your car, what are you gonna do about mine? I'm all fucked up. You're just laying on the hood.

• 1:05:13Speaker 01

  Uh, alright, let's see, we got time for one more. A little bit of a story. Uh, this one's from Corbin. Uh, $10 little kip, college fund supporter, I appreciate your service. Are you garbage if you got a massage in blue jeans? I was in...

• 1:05:27H. Foley?

  Relax, will ya?

• 1:05:28Speaker 01

  That's crazy. But those things are tense.

• 1:05:31H. Foley?

  Let's hear it out.

• 1:05:32Speaker 01

  I was in Chicago with my wife for New Year's and she booked us a nice massage. Nice massages, tough. The lady was, uh... English wasn't her first language and had to have a translator.

• 1:05:45H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:05:45Speaker 01

  She said disrobe and I asked how far she would like me to take... And she said, "Take your shirt off."

• 1:05:53Speaker 01

  Which I guess she then came back, I don't know. She said, "The first half was fine, but then she was trying to stretch out my legs in my not-so-moveable jeans." That's fucking crazy. Uh, and it felt weird. This is my first massage and I didn't...

• 1:06:04H. Foley?

  No shit.

• 1:06:04Speaker 01

  Oh, that's crazy. I made sure to tip heavy, big man style, to make sure for the strangeness. Love you guys.

• 1:06:10H. Foley?

  Man, love you too, buddy.

• 1:06:12Speaker 01

  That's, um...

• 1:06:13H. Foley?

  Wonder what his wife said. "You're what, your jeans?" You know, he's faithful.

• 1:06:18Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:06:19H. Foley?

  He's got his jeans on.

• 1:06:20Speaker 01

  He's not fishing for a handjob?

• 1:06:21H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:22Speaker 01

  A nice massage, they're not doing handjobs.

• 1:06:24H. Foley?

  He's just got his weener sticking through the little fly hole.

• 1:06:27Speaker 01

  He's trolling?

• 1:06:30H. Foley?

  Trolling with a nightcrawler.

• 1:06:31Speaker 01

  Uh, alright, we gotta wrap it up, though.

• 1:06:33H. Foley?

  Gang, we love you to death, come see us out there on the road.

• 1:06:36Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:06:37H. Foley?

  Kippy, you got anything?

• 1:06:38Speaker 01

  Got, no, what the fuck, he just took the...

• 1:06:39H. Foley?

  See you next week!