Pod Insights Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast John Crist! About this episode Are You Garbage presents comedian and podcast host John Crist! We're talking growing up Christian, Gambling and family vacation! You know John Crist from stand up comedy, The Tonight Show w/ Jimmy Fallon, Net Positive Podcast, The Nateland Podcast, This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von, The Shawn Ryan Show, his comedy special "Emotional Support" and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show!
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Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.
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Transcript 14,189 words · 5 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 H. Foley? Gang, do you have a garbage question that the boys have to hear? Do you like stand-up comedy? You like having a night out with the boys, having a couple of pops? Come see an Are You Garbage live show.
0:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, we got a second show added in San Francisco, then Portland, Seattle, Brea, California, Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts. Low ticket alert. Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
0:24 H. Foley? Big one.
0:25 Speaker 01 At the Met, Rochester, New York, and Toronto. Get your tickets now at areyougarbage.com and we'll see you on the road.
0:31 H. Foley? Back on the block.
0:32 Speaker 02 Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
0:51 H. Foley? Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage.
0:57 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
0:57 H. Foley? It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're to be classy.
1:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:02 H. Foley? Just a big old piece of trash.
1:04 Speaker 01 Trash, trash, trash.
1:05 H. Foley? I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a new addition. She drank all the milk.
1:10 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:11 H. Foley? So if you're looking for a bowl of cereal.
1:13 Speaker 01 I'm screwed.
1:14 H. Foley? You're gonna have to use coffee creamer.
1:15 Speaker 01 All right.
1:16 H. Foley? Second time I told her, don't drink all the milk.
1:18 Speaker 01 All right.
1:18 H. Foley? All right, fair enough. Seven hours down the drain. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
1:32 Speaker 01 Hey, everybody, thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available over there on Spotify, baby. And those numbers are cooking.
1:41 H. Foley? In the charts over there.
1:42 Speaker 01 I know. Then the best website of all time, my brain is mush. The best website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. Go over there, get all that bonus content, gang.
1:51 H. Foley? And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time. He is a very funny, very successful stand-up comedian, podcaster, and author. And you might have seen him in Not Limited 2. You got Gotham Comedy Live, Fox and Friends, Nashville Squares, The Tonight Show as of recently. You can hear him every week on his amazing podcast, Net Positive. He has multiple stand-up specials out, including John Crist Would Like To Release A Statement, What Are We Doing?, and his brand-new special Emotional Support, which's already got 3 million views over there on YouTube. He's got his book Delete That, and he's gonna be kicking off a fall tour. August 31st in Las Vegas, Nevada, at the Encore Theater, The Jokes For Humans Tour.
2:34 H. Foley? Do me a favor, give it up for Mr. John Crist.
2:37 Speaker 03 Oh, man.
2:38 H. Foley? Look at you.
2:39 Speaker 03 That was the best intro I ever got.
2:40 H. Foley? Thank you, buddy. And I did it with the ears going in and on the stage. Luke's throwing me curveballs over there.
2:46 Speaker 01 Luke, you're killing me over there. Luke's got a new setup, but he screwed us.
2:49 H. Foley? You got John Crist in here.
2:50 Speaker 03 It's coming in and out. I got it, though.
2:51 H. Foley? Look at that jacket. Look at that nice jacket he's got on.
2:53 Speaker 03 I got it.
2:54 H. Foley? You're in here blowing it.
2:55 Speaker 01 Really showing your ass, Luke.
2:56 H. Foley? Oh, look at you crawling in like a rat.
2:58 Speaker 01 He's under the table. This is an all-time flub by new guy Luke. That's actually might have fixed it there, big dog. That's a little crisp.
3:05 Speaker 03 Yeah.
3:06 H. Foley? Thank you, Lucas Patoukas.
3:07 Speaker 01 Appreciate you, bud.
3:08 H. Foley? We gotta get you in all black, like a stagehand.
3:11 Speaker 03 It's gonna go back out again.
3:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, he's fired. I don't know what you're talking about.
3:14 H. Foley? John, thank you so much for coming in, buddy.
3:16 Speaker 01 And I apologize for Luke's behavior thus far.
3:19 Speaker 03 No, I'm honored to be here.
3:20 H. Foley? Look at the doo. Look at the bitch. Keeps it tight.
3:23 Speaker 01 Good-looking kid.
3:24 H. Foley? Look at you.
3:24 Speaker 01 Good-looking guy.
3:25 H. Foley? 34, 35?
3:27 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'll take that 41.
3:28 H. Foley? 41, only. Are those veneers or are they yours?
3:32 Speaker 03 No, these are real.
3:33 H. Foley? God damn it.
3:34 Speaker 03 This is a wild podcast.
3:38 H. Foley? Got underwear you got on, huh?
3:39 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah. Let's get to it.
3:41 Speaker 01 I've never been called out so quick. We also did get pretty bogged down on how he looked right away.
3:49 H. Foley? Hey, good-looking kid. What do you want from me? I've been out of the house in a couple of days. Buddy, give us the backstory. Give us the origin story.
3:56 Speaker 03 Oh, no, dude.
3:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, hitting the southern boy, I believe.
3:58 H. Foley? Is that right?
3:59 Speaker 03 Southern boy, yep. Uh, one of eight kids.
4:03 Speaker 01 Whoa.
4:04 H. Foley? Wait, you are, or your parents are?
4:05 Speaker 03 I'm one of eight.
4:06 Speaker 01 That's old-school stuff.
4:07 H. Foley? Holy hillbell. God damn it, one of eight.
4:10 Speaker 03 Uh, dad is a Pentecostal preacher.
4:12 Speaker 01 Really?
4:14 Speaker 03 I don't know what's funny about that, but...
4:16 Speaker 01 We're Catholics, aren't we?
4:17 H. Foley? Beginning of a Stephen King novel. I like it.
4:20 Speaker 03 Uh, everybody homeschooled.
4:24 H. Foley? That's what's funny about it.
4:25 Speaker 01 That's all, that's all the time we have.
4:26 H. Foley? Wait a minute.
4:27 Speaker 03 We're good.
4:28 H. Foley? Hold on a second.
4:29 Speaker 03 And, uh, okay.
4:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, I.
4:31 H. Foley? Where are you, where are you from exactly?
4:33 Speaker 03 Lilburn, Georgia.
4:35 Speaker 01 Sounds like a rapper. Lilburn?
4:38 H. Foley? He just got shot, didn't he?
4:40 Speaker 01 Shout out Lilburn. He's, he's, he's in with that Drake.
4:43 Speaker 03 It's not a good start.
4:44 H. Foley? A little burn, Georgia?
4:46 Speaker 01 I think it will.
4:46 H. Foley? Holy shit.
4:47 Speaker 01 How do you spell it? L I L?
4:48 Speaker 03 L I L B U R N. One word, though.
4:50 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
4:51 Speaker 03 Yes, Lilburn.
4:52 Speaker 01 Apostrophe.
4:55 H. Foley? What, what, what record label is he on?
4:57 Speaker 03 Lilburn.
4:59 H. Foley? One of eight kids.
5:00 Speaker 03 Yeah.
5:00 H. Foley? Your dad's a preacher.
5:01 Speaker 03 Yep.
5:02 H. Foley? What'd your mom do?
5:04 Speaker 03 Um, stay at home mom. Eight?
5:06 H. Foley? What kind of kid?
5:07 Speaker 01 I know, eight, that's a lot of daycare you're paying for.
5:10 Speaker 03 What do you, I think it's, well, so my, uh, so my, I wish any of these were made up, but my, my extended family is Amish.
5:20 Speaker 01 Really?
5:20 H. Foley? Get the fuck out of here.
5:21 Speaker 01 Where, where, like, where Amish?
5:23 Speaker 03 Uh, so my parents, my grandparents split off from the Amish community and went to Menonite.
5:29 H. Foley? Right.
5:30 Speaker 03 It's like.
5:30 Speaker 01 Yeah. Amish light.
5:32 Speaker 03 But electricity.
5:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
5:33 H. Foley? They can watch football.
5:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, but they still know, they don't believe in healthcare, they don't believe in war.
5:38 Speaker 01 I see them at the Wawa outside, like, in Lancaster or something.
5:40 Speaker 03 Yeah, Lancaster, Pennsylvania, that's where my parents are from.
5:43 H. Foley? No shit.
5:43 Speaker 03 That's where we spend every Christmas.
5:45 H. Foley? Really?
5:45 Speaker 01 We used to go and watch, watch your family at field trips. Really, we'd go on a bus and go, be like, "Look at these fucking haircuts these guys got."
5:52 H. Foley? That explains the pies you brought, huh?
5:54 Speaker 03 Yeah, so they, they, my family, my parents grew up like that, then they became Menonite, and then my dad went to seminary to, and then he, if Amish, if Menonite broke off from Amish, Pentecostal kind of broke off from.
6:10 Speaker 01 From Menonite.
6:10 Speaker 03 Menonite, yeah.
6:11 H. Foley? No shit.
6:12 Speaker 01 Wow.
6:12 H. Foley? Wait, so your parents were both Amish?
6:15 Speaker 03 Extended family, like grandparents. What does that mean?
6:17 Speaker 01 Grandparents.
6:18 Speaker 03 What does this mean? Stop him? He went like this.
6:23 Speaker 01 He's, this guy's, this guy's putting the whole system on trial over here. Came in with his Amish magic. And he's tricking us.
6:30 H. Foley? Can you read my thoughts? Throw some Skittles in front of me, I just get distracted. Wait, your parents-
6:37 Speaker 01 I realized, wow, he's the only one to ever pick up on. I have an odd body language thing with you where I have to clear the air because I see you getting confused.
6:48 H. Foley? Your grandparents were Amish. Grandparents were Amish. Your grandfather broke off.
6:53 Speaker 03 Yeah.
6:53 H. Foley? So damn, they were, so they were in like the same town, or whatever.
6:57 Speaker 03 Yeah, Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
6:59 Speaker 01 Holy shit.
7:00 Speaker 03 He was a, ran a dairy.
7:03 Speaker 01 No way.
7:04 Speaker 03 Dairy farmer.
7:05 Speaker 01 That's crazy, man.
7:06 H. Foley? Probably good milk.
7:07 Speaker 03 Great milk.
7:07 H. Foley? Yeah.
7:08 Speaker 01 I thought he needs some. Okay.
7:11 H. Foley? Wait a minute.
7:13 H. Foley? Wait, so how would you, how would you guys go back and spend Christmas there? Wasn't, weren't they shunned?
7:18 Speaker 03 We still do. Alright, so, alright, so in the-
7:21 Speaker 01 You go to the Mennonite side, not the Amish.
7:22 Speaker 03 No, the Amish side. We go to the Amish side.
7:24 Speaker 01 But they're Mennonites now.
7:25 Speaker 03 Yeah.
7:25 Speaker 01 You're not hanging with the Amish, you're hanging with the Mennonites.
7:27 Speaker 03 No, we're hanging with the Amish.
7:28 H. Foley? Dude, you must roll in like a dude from the future.
7:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
7:31 H. Foley? Blowing people's minds.
7:32 Speaker 03 They're like, what? Yeah, they don't know about the Tonight Show, but if they did-
7:36 Speaker 01 They'd be, they'd be impressed.
7:37 H. Foley? Jimmy Fallon!
7:38 Speaker 03 They'd be impressed. Well, okay, so, if you leave, so the Mennonite church is, the Amish church is having problems now because people are finding out about stuff.
7:48 Speaker 01 Sure.
7:48 Speaker 03 Like the internet. Like if it just, when you-
7:50 Speaker 01 Oh, they're fine, yeah, I gotcha.
7:51 Speaker 03 Well, every cult, it's not a cult, I love the family I'm from, but every religious org has to have control of information.
7:59 Speaker 01 Sure.
7:59 Speaker 03 And once a kid goes, "Wait, what? What are they doing in Times Square? I'm out of here."
8:04 Speaker 01 I'm out of here.
8:04 Speaker 03 Everybody.
8:05 H. Foley? Yeah.
8:05 Speaker 03 So, everybody, so you know what Rumspringer is?
8:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, what's the rate on that? Don't a lot of them, probably less and less are going now. The Temptations are greater.
8:13 Speaker 03 Everybody's, so at 18, you can go out, do whatever you want, for as long as you want, and then once you come back and join, you gotta be under the rules of the Amish, of the bishop. So a lot of people, what they're doing now is leaving and then hanging around the community and never joining.
8:31 Speaker 01 Ah.
8:32 Speaker 03 So they can have an iPhone, but they're-
8:34 Speaker 01 They're in the world a little bit.
8:36 Speaker 03 Yeah, but they're chill, but they still like to have the baked goods and they're still Christian, but they're like, you know, like vape.
8:43 Speaker 01 Sure.
8:43 Speaker 03 Yeah, and I shouldn't say that about, but they're like, "You exposed us on Ari's garbage."
8:47 H. Foley? It's like, it's like when you-
8:48 Speaker 01 They'll never see this.
8:51 Speaker 01 I'm gonna top Jimmy Fallon.
8:57 H. Foley? He's sending down Jimmy Fallon and Robert De Niro.
9:02 Speaker 01 I love the Amish.
9:03 H. Foley? The best.
9:04 Speaker 03 Yeah.
9:04 Speaker 01 I've been watching a lot of YouTube videos about Amish people recently. That's crazy. And also Lancaster, I mean, that's like.
9:09 H. Foley? Man, they throw out.
9:10 Speaker 01 We're two dirtbags from the Philadelphia area. So Lancaster, that's like.
9:14 Speaker 03 Yeah.
9:14 Speaker 01 Crazy town.
9:15 H. Foley? They throw out a buffet up there near Dutch Wonderland that'll blow your hair back.
9:19 Speaker 01 The world's largest buffet is out there.
9:20 H. Foley? Woo!
9:21 Speaker 03 A lot of baked goods. Well, you know, the Mormons, they're the ones that don't do caffeine.
9:28 Speaker 01 Yes. Salt Lake City, you can't get a cup of coffee.
9:30 Speaker 03 Can't do caffeine. So, but we, I said, if, if, if the religion, because they updated, they're like, all right, we gotta include black people. Like back in the seventies, which is very like.
9:38 Speaker 01 There was no black Amish?
9:39 Speaker 03 No, this is Mormons.
9:41 Speaker 01 Okay. There was no black Mormons.
9:43 Speaker 03 Yeah. So they're like, no caffeine. You could tell it's kind of, the rules were kind of created on the go because it really should be no sugar.
9:50 Speaker 01 Gotcha.
9:51 Speaker 03 Right?
9:51 Speaker 01 Sure. That makes sense.
9:53 Speaker 03 Because they were like, no caffeine. But back in the, remember the eighties, like caffeine was like, you have a Dr. Pepper for bed and you don't know what you're gonna dream about.
10:00 Speaker 01 Sure.
10:01 Speaker 03 And now it should, they, if they're updating, the Mormons should be, because sugar, we grew up, sugar's great.
10:08 Speaker 01 Hey, look at us. Yeah.
10:09 Speaker 03 No one ever, no one, when I was growing up, no one ever had a problem. No one ever was like, watch the sugar.
10:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
10:16 Speaker 03 Never.
10:16 Speaker 01 No.
10:17 Speaker 03 We have pixie sticks, dude.
10:18 Speaker 01 I know. Shout out to them. We still got them here if you need any.
10:22 Speaker 01 We're not Amish.
10:23 H. Foley? You let the black people in, you get rid of the sugar. You're trying to explain this to them? They're all just staring at you.
10:31 Speaker 01 All right. Wow.
10:32 H. Foley? Yeah. Okay. So how are you able to go back?
10:37 Speaker 03 Okay.
10:37 H. Foley? Because your grandparents were obviously in.
10:40 Speaker 03 Yeah.
10:41 H. Foley? In, in the church.
10:42 Speaker 03 My great grandmother was in Amish church.
10:43 Speaker 01 So they weren't shunned? That's not necessarily shunned? Or they weren't?
10:46 Speaker 03 No, they left, they left the Amish church.
10:49 Speaker 01 Okay. So there's, there's still an olive branch between them and the community.
10:52 Speaker 03 They still hang.
10:53 Speaker 01 Okay.
10:53 Speaker 03 Yeah.
10:54 H. Foley? Whose house do you stay at when you guys go back there for Christmas?
10:57 Speaker 03 I stay in a hotel. So there's a place called, this is gonna blow your mind, but there's a place out north of Sarasota. You look it up.
11:05 Speaker 01 Sarasota, New York?
11:06 Speaker 03 Sarasota, Florida.
11:07 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
11:07 Speaker 03 It's called Pine Craft. It's like Amish, I don't know what, any way to describe it's Amish Las Vegas.
11:15 Speaker 03 I know, this is, this is my life, you guys. No, I'm just joking.
11:18 Speaker 01 This is crazy.
11:19 Speaker 03 So Amish, so doubt, so every, you have to join the Amish church.
11:23 Speaker 01 Okay.
11:24 Speaker 03 Okay, so you're, you're, you pretty much report to your, you know, Christianity, you can kinda just be out here.
11:29 Speaker 01 You're hanging.
11:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, there's no accountability.
11:31 Speaker 01 I'm in, I'm out, maybe, maybe not.
11:33 Speaker 03 Whose church do you go to? I watch online. There's not a lot of rules. The Amish communities are very close knit. So you are in charge of, of the pastor you report to. So the, the Florida bishop is kinda, it's like spring break bishop. He's kinda chill.
11:49 H. Foley? Yeah, he's like a summer school teacher.
11:51 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they have bikes. They have no cars. They have bikes with electric motors though. I know.
11:59 H. Foley? Wait, so that's where you go at Christmas? You don't go, you don't go to Lancaster?
12:02 Speaker 03 We go to Pine Craft. Lancaster, we used to go to for like my first 30 years of life. Now we, now we go to the spring break.
12:07 H. Foley? And when you would go to Lancaster, where would you stay at? Like one of your cousin's house?
12:11 Speaker 03 Hotel.
12:12 H. Foley? You'd still stay at a hotel? So you weren't staying in the house with no electricity?
12:15 Speaker 03 No, no, no, we don't go in that. No, we, well, my parents broke, my parents aren't with that.
12:20 H. Foley? Okay.
12:20 Speaker 03 We wouldn't, they wouldn't do that.
12:22 H. Foley? Well, who do you go and visit up there?
12:24 Speaker 03 Just the, the community.
12:26 H. Foley? So at some point-
12:27 Speaker 03 All the cousins, all the people that-
12:28 H. Foley? Where are you doing that?
12:29 Speaker 03 Making leather belts and stuff like that.
12:31 H. Foley? Where are you doing that? At like their house?
12:32 Speaker 03 They're all around the community. We go visit them.
12:35 H. Foley? Nice.
12:35 Speaker 03 See what they're up to.
12:36 H. Foley? What's that like? What's an, what's an Amish Christmas? Probably pretty homie.
12:39 Speaker 03 They don't celebrate Christmas.
12:40 H. Foley? No.
12:41 Speaker 03 No.
12:41 Speaker 01 Devils, they don't have Christmas.
12:43 H. Foley? Oh, there's no Christmas tree and like, you know, apple pies and-
12:47 Speaker 03 No, probably-
12:47 H. Foley? Ham and all that stuff?
12:48 Speaker 03 Well-
12:49 Speaker 01 It's all food with you? They don't have sherbet or-
12:52 Speaker 03 Hey, hey, hey.
12:56 H. Foley? So you just do that at that time? Do you guys celebrate Christmas?
12:58 Speaker 03 Yeah, we do. But my cousins don't.
13:01 H. Foley? Your cuz, up there don't?
13:03 Speaker 03 Yeah. They, everybody kinda broke away and they decided what they, what they're gonna do.
13:07 Speaker 01 What they do and what they don't do.
13:08 H. Foley? They don't do Halloween up in the Amish?
13:09 Speaker 03 No, we don't do Halloween.
13:11 H. Foley? You don't do Halloween?
13:11 Speaker 03 My family don't do Halloween. Which I have a joke in my show. It's like, how could we leave the, believe in this god of the universe? It's almighty, all powerful. Then the six-year-old puts on an Elsa dress. He's like, nah, nothing I can do. We lost her.
13:23 H. Foley? Give the kid a Snickers, will you?
13:24 Speaker 03 Yeah, we lost her.
13:25 Speaker 01 Holy shit. Wow.
13:26 H. Foley? Okay.
13:27 Speaker 01 This might be the first Amish bloodline, right? We have?
13:31 Speaker 03 It's a lot of pressure.
13:33 H. Foley? An Italian guy once.
13:35 Speaker 03 Yeah.
13:36 H. Foley? Um, alright, so let's back this up.
13:39 Speaker 01 I'm baffled. Alright, so, oh, but you specifically grew up in Georgia, right?
13:46 Speaker 03 My dad moved to Georgia to start a, uh, in essence, it's called the Atlanta Vineyard, a Pentecostal church.
13:53 H. Foley? Started his own church?
13:54 Speaker 03 Yeah.
13:54 H. Foley? Nice.
13:55 Speaker 03 Yeah.
13:55 H. Foley? Okay.
13:56 Speaker 01 And eight kids, where do you fall in the eight kids?
13:58 Speaker 03 Third.
13:59 Speaker 01 Your third oldest?
14:00 Speaker 03 Yeah, third from the top.
14:02 Speaker 01 How many boys, how many girls?
14:03 Speaker 03 Uh, five boys, three girls.
14:06 H. Foley? Five boys, three girls. Where'd your dad meet your mom?
14:08 Speaker 03 At, uh, uh, Mennonite College.
14:11 H. Foley? Really?
14:11 Speaker 03 Goshen College.
14:12 H. Foley? She was Mennonite too?
14:13 Speaker 03 Yeah.
14:14 Speaker 01 Goshen, New York?
14:14 Speaker 03 Did, Goshen, Indiana.
14:16 Speaker 01 I'm, I'm missing what you're saying.
14:19 Speaker 03 What, Saras, there's a Sarasota, New York?
14:21 Speaker 01 Atlanta, Utah?
14:23 Speaker 03 I never heard of this place.
14:24 H. Foley? There's a Saratoga, New York.
14:26 Speaker 01 I'm taking it a racetrack.
14:30 Speaker 01 These cans are all fucked up. Luke's got my cane.
14:33 Speaker 03 Sarah, say the last, I got it, I'll take it from here.
14:35 H. Foley? The Mennonite Derby? Is that where they met?
14:37 Speaker 01 Hey, listen, you're Amish, you can't be judging me. Take that with a grain of salt or a bale of hay, whatever you guys are doing.
14:43 H. Foley? Put on a Halloween mask and scare the shit out of you.
14:45 Speaker 01 I always got to.
14:46 H. Foley? Alright.
14:47 Speaker 01 They use that economy, the Amish guy.
14:48 Speaker 03 Alright, there's a big Amish community in Shipshewana, Indiana. That's the real name of the city. There's 650 people that live there. There's, there's a Blue Gate Theater. I, every year I go there, I sell 7,000 tickets.
15:03 Speaker 01 Really?
15:04 Speaker 03 I wish I could sell a ticket in New York City.
15:07 Speaker 01 Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:08 Speaker 03 But Shipshewana.
15:09 H. Foley? Wait, do you have a big Amish following?
15:12 Speaker 03 Like a ve- a very like conservative, like a Christian following.
15:15 Speaker 01 Amish adjacent, maybe.
15:17 Speaker 03 Yeah, that they're kinda like, they, they're like, our, our buddy down the street has Netflix.
15:21 Speaker 01 Gotcha.
15:22 Speaker 03 That's kinda my...
15:23 Speaker 01 Gotcha.
15:23 H. Foley? Yeah, that's awesome.
15:24 Speaker 03 We're not gonna, we still go to church, but like, have you heard this Cardi B?
15:27 H. Foley? Sure, more modernized.
15:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so I...
15:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, what's the times?
15:31 H. Foley? Yeah, I like that. I'm more that.
15:32 Speaker 03 Yeah, cause my parents, we, uh, we were homeschooled, cause they didn't want us to learn about evolution.
15:38 H. Foley? No kidding.
15:38 Speaker 03 Yeah.
15:39 Speaker 01 I mean, I, listen, I went to public school. I don't ever remember anybody. Do we really learn about evolution?
15:47 H. Foley? Couple of weeks, I think.
15:49 Speaker 01 Really?
15:49 H. Foley? I just remember the diagram of the
15:51 Speaker 01 With the toad?
15:51 H. Foley? The monkey walking and then all of a sudden it was a dude.
15:54 Speaker 01 I know, I mean.
15:54 H. Foley? That's enough, right?
15:56 Speaker 01 Enough to get ya. Alright, I'm with everybody.
15:59 Speaker 03 Too much, dude, he's gone, we left him, yeah.
16:01 H. Foley? So your mom did the teaching?
16:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:03 H. Foley? Now how was that conducted? So, wait, what's the, what's the full span between the youngest and the oldest?
16:09 Speaker 03 Alright, so I'm 41, my oldest brother's 45, the youngest is probably 25. So, it was every two years for 16 years.
16:18 Speaker 03 So my mom was either pregnant or breastfeeding for 16 years.
16:22 H. Foley? So how many kids are in your class, would you say, as you're coming up? At the most?
16:27 Speaker 03 I won.
16:28 H. Foley? You know what I mean, like, how many kids was your mom?
16:30 Speaker 01 It's not a school.
16:31 Speaker 03 Oh, uh, my four brothers, I remember.
16:33 H. Foley? So about four, about four of you.
16:34 Speaker 03 But they're different grades.
16:36 H. Foley? Right.
16:36 Speaker 03 They still have, I think, but then my, your brother would write a message in like the, you know, chapter eight, and then two years later you'd get it.
16:42 Speaker 01 You'd get the book.
16:43 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:44 H. Foley? Were you at textbooks?
16:45 Speaker 03 Yeah, they're like Christian, again. It'd be like, if Jesus had five loaves and two fish, he gave three loaves away, how many, like, all the math was taught in the Bible.
16:55 H. Foley? They always made those loaves of bread look so good. I don't know what it was.
16:58 Speaker 01 If the Jews kill your savior, how many?
17:01 Speaker 03 How many do you have left?
17:04 H. Foley? Holy shit.
17:05 Speaker 01 For question one.
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17:12 H. Foley? Some of us are.
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18:03 H. Foley? Yep.
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18:26 H. Foley? Yeah. Okay, let's talk about Factor.
18:28 Speaker 01 Shout out to Factor.
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18:36 H. Foley? All right, I'm taking steps.
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19:13 H. Foley? We ain't selling you, these babies sell themselves.
19:15 Speaker 01 I'm gonna get pizza and I go, you know, don't stop and get pizza. I got a Factor at the house, it'll be ready in two minutes, I throw it on the pan, shoot, I got the shredded taco bowl in the gullet with a water, I'm out the door.
19:25 H. Foley? Let's go.
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19:43 H. Foley? So you did that all the way through high school?
19:46 Speaker 03 I went to, my mom, when she had the eighth kid, she kinda went into like a depressive, like, this is, which I would have had that after too, like, she was like, she went into postpartum and then we, they sent us to private school.
20:00 H. Foley? Private school?
20:01 Speaker 03 Yeah.
20:01 Speaker 01 Private school, there's an asterisk on this private school. It was a sweater vest and-
20:05 Speaker 03 Oh, Christian school, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I should've just said Christians.
20:09 H. Foley? How old were you when that happened?
20:10 Speaker 03 Eighth grade.
20:11 H. Foley? Eighth grade, and so you got to do high school pretty regularly?
20:14 Speaker 03 Yeah, once a, once a, yeah, five days a week.
20:16 H. Foley? Right.
20:17 Speaker 03 Yeah, I, I went to high school.
20:19 Speaker 01 It was a regular experience, you're saying.
20:20 Speaker 03 Yeah, I mean, it was still, you still had to tuck your shirt in, we still had to say the pledge of allegiance and memorize Bible scriptures and stuff like that.
20:27 H. Foley? We did the pledge of allegiance, I think, right?
20:28 Speaker 03 Oh, that's everybody. Is that everybody? Yeah.
20:33 Speaker 01 Nah, I'm no commie, you know what I mean?
20:35 Speaker 03 We all did it.
20:35 Speaker 01 Red-blooded American here.
20:37 H. Foley? I like a candy corn, I'm not the devil.
20:39 Speaker 01 Okay, and how big was this house?
20:42 Speaker 03 I feel like you guys are like investigators.
20:44 Speaker 01 We are. Well, listen, you're trash, you're trash, but there's no, this is mostly scientific at this point.
20:49 Speaker 03 Oh, the jury's not out anymore.
20:50 Speaker 01 No, no, no, no, they came back in three minutes.
20:52 H. Foley? I'm teetering, to be honest with you.
20:55 Speaker 03 They're like, I'm trying to convince the last witness, but you're already-
20:58 Speaker 01 Dude, the way you look and dress, and I figure from, he's outside Vegas or something, he was born, you know what I mean? He grew up off the strip.
21:05 Speaker 03 That's worse.
21:06 Speaker 01 He's got a good, but you're, I mean, you're put, you got the good teeth and everything?
21:09 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah. I don't know, I don't work that-
21:11 H. Foley? He's trying to have milk.
21:12 Speaker 03 Yeah.
21:14 H. Foley? Kid's all vitamin D.
21:16 Speaker 01 Okay, alright, so how big was the house? How many bedrooms was this house?
21:19 Speaker 03 It was a, it was a refurbished-
21:22 Speaker 01 You don't refurbish a house, you refurbish a cellphone, not a house.
21:26 Speaker 03 It was a refurbished train station.
21:28 Speaker 01 What?
21:30 H. Foley? Hey, you're looking at us like we're nuts.
21:31 Speaker 01 This guy's living in Port-au-Prince.
21:34 H. Foley? Did the train still come?
21:36 Speaker 03 No, I mean, it's, it's right next to the train track, it doesn't stop there though anymore.
21:39 Speaker 01 You grew up next to the train tracks?
21:43 Speaker 03 I've never verbalized any of this out loud, but it does sound insane.
21:46 Speaker 01 That's all I would do. I would walk into every room and go, "I grew up next to the train track."
21:49 Speaker 03 I did, yeah.
21:50 H. Foley? Would a train, a train would go by?
21:51 Speaker 03 At night, all the time.
21:53 H. Foley? We're talking, we talking?
21:54 Speaker 01 Talking to trains, that's what we're talking about.
21:56 Speaker 03 I don't know what kind of trains there are.
21:57 H. Foley? It's not a commuter, it was like, uh, like a coal car?
21:59 Speaker 03 Like a coal car, yeah, yeah.
22:02 Speaker 01 It's not people waiting outside the bedroom to catch the, to catch the 603 to work.
22:08 H. Foley? Should be by in a minute.
22:10 Speaker 01 She's been running late all week.
22:12 H. Foley? What else was in the neighborhood?
22:16 Speaker 03 There was this place, it was a candy store, a clock shop.
22:21 Speaker 01 That's like any town USA.
22:23 Speaker 03 Yeah, small, small town, you know.
22:24 H. Foley? Your dad's church?
22:26 Speaker 03 No, we were in another city. We on the other, we weren't in the same city, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:31 Speaker 01 Alright, so, alright, hold on.
22:32 H. Foley? Did your dad build this church?
22:34 Speaker 03 He started it, yeah. Like, build the building?
22:36 H. Foley? Yeah.
22:36 Speaker 03 No, he didn't, I think we bought, we, it was in a strip mall.
22:39 Speaker 01 What?
22:42 Speaker 03 You know churches now are like, oh, like, you know, those cool pastors, you ever seen those like cool Justin Bieber's pastors?
22:48 Speaker 01 Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:49 Speaker 03 They meet in like, in like, converted Home Depots and stuff.
22:51 Speaker 01 No, I know, yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:52 Speaker 03 Churches aren't, like, old school churches aren't cool anymore.
22:54 Speaker 01 For sure, it's not like a, like an ornate Catholic.
22:56 H. Foley? Would he, would your dad lean more Joel Olsteen than like, what I'm thinking of as like a pastor in like a small town church?
23:02 Speaker 03 No, he would, I mean, we would do a lot of, uh, this isn't gonna help me, my cause, but like, speaking in tongues, you know what that is? Like, if you pray for someone, they fall over, cause the Holy Spirit is...
23:14 H. Foley? Did you ever fall over?
23:15 Speaker 03 Yeah, they put a blanket over you.
23:17 H. Foley? No kidding.
23:18 Speaker 01 Man, I gotta go to church after this.
23:21 H. Foley? Where were you baptized? Were you baptized in, in like a river or something like that?
23:23 Speaker 03 I was baptized, I was baptized at, well, we, once we grew out of the strip mall, we split a church, we rented a church from a Seventh Day Adventist, because if you don't know anything about them, they meet on Saturdays. They believe the Sabbath is Saturday.
23:38 H. Foley? Okay.
23:39 Speaker 01 So you guys got Sunday?
23:40 Speaker 03 Yeah, so we're just like, well, we'll just take Sunday.
23:43 Speaker 01 You're in a church timeshare.
23:45 H. Foley? Did you guys have baptism?
23:47 Speaker 03 That's where we had a baptism. I got baptized at Seventh Day Adventist Church.
23:50 Speaker 01 What was the body of water?
23:51 Speaker 03 Water?
23:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, but was it like a, like?
23:54 Speaker 03 It was like a-
23:55 Speaker 01 Was it a pool, a tub?
23:56 Speaker 03 Yeah, it was like a, it was like a pool up behind the stage and it's like elevated behind it, so.
24:00 Speaker 01 So it was in the church? It wasn't like, okay?
24:02 Speaker 03 Oh, not like in a river.
24:03 Speaker 01 Okay.
24:03 H. Foley? When do you, when do you do that in your, in your religion? When do you get baptized? Not when you're a baby?
24:07 Speaker 03 No, I was nine.
24:09 H. Foley? No kidding?
24:09 Speaker 03 Yeah.
24:10 H. Foley? Was that a powerful experience? I'd imagine it would have to be.
24:13 Speaker 03 Yep, so I, I remember-
24:15 Speaker 01 Cold.
24:16 Speaker 03 Uh, my dad, so he'd like, uh, you ever heard of like someone getting like, uh, saved or like converted?
24:23 H. Foley? Yeah.
24:23 Speaker 03 Alright, so he, he kind of draws out this like, uh, basically like he's like, uh, God is here. Humans are sinful, they're here, there's a, a, a chasm or a canyon in the middle. The cross of Jesus was like kind of, so you can, you can be with God. He kind of drew it out on the two by four while he was doing construction.
24:42 Speaker 01 Okay.
24:43 Speaker 03 I only say that because that's how I accepted Christ and I, they still have the two by four.
24:48 Speaker 01 But you saw, he explained it to you written on a two by four when he was doing construction and that's what saved you, that-
24:53 Speaker 03 I got seen that, I would like to do that.
24:56 H. Foley? Wow.
24:56 Speaker 03 Yeah.
24:57 H. Foley? That's awesome. I feel like you feel that. I don't remember anything, I was a baby.
25:01 Speaker 03 But it was it a, what, what, oh, they just blessed you or something?
25:04 H. Foley? Yeah, it was Catholic church.
25:05 Speaker 03 Yeah. It was like a, it was like a, you kind of can't be saved before the, well, everybody has the different age of accountability. Some say it's six or something like that, yeah.
25:13 H. Foley? Yeah.
25:14 Speaker 03 So you can't make a decision on your, your, the eternal life at-
25:19 Speaker 01 Hey, you're telling me.
25:19 H. Foley? Wait, so you're making, wait, so you make, you make the decision? You say, "I want to be saved"?
25:25 Speaker 03 Yeah, the Bible says you had to profess with your mouth and believe in your heart.
25:28 H. Foley? Man, that's- Do you guys have a party afterwards? A little something?
25:32 Speaker 03 Well, we went to a Mexican restaurant.
25:34 Speaker 01 Really?
25:34 Speaker 03 Yeah. I have a joke in my show now, it's like-
25:38 Speaker 01 I can't get a ree, he's living in a train station, he's going to church at a strip mall and he's hanging out at a Mexican joint after his baptism.
25:45 Speaker 01 The cra- the craziest guy I've ever met, my-
25:47 H. Foley? I just picture you sitting there soaking wet, eating chips and salsa.
26:00 Speaker 01 Their seats all wet?
26:01 Speaker 03 They have towels for you.
26:02 Speaker 01 Okay.
26:03 H. Foley? And what, so what did they, what did your dad move into after, how big's the congregation?
26:07 Speaker 01 We have to get back to the train station.
26:09 H. Foley? I know.
26:10 Speaker 01 We, we, that's crazy.
26:11 H. Foley? This is fast.
26:12 Speaker 03 Converted train station, which my parents bought for like $25,000, all cash.
26:17 Speaker 01 Like a, uh...
26:18 H. Foley? It's probably beautiful, I would assume.
26:20 Speaker 03 Well, it's re, it's redone now. Yeah. It's in, yeah, Lilburn, Georgia. It's like the, the, kind of the city center, or whatever.
26:28 Speaker 01 The train station is?
26:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, people come on like tours of our house, like a Victorian, Victorian home tours.
26:33 Speaker 01 Can I find it?
26:34 Speaker 03 Probably.
26:35 H. Foley? That's probably nice. Is your dad handy?
26:38 Speaker 03 Yeah, he builds everything.
26:39 H. Foley? No shit?
26:39 Speaker 03 Yeah.
26:40 H. Foley? So what did you guys move into after the strip mall?
26:43 Speaker 03 Uh, then we went to a, it's now, it was in like a building, uh, a racquetball court.
26:52 Speaker 01 Wait, did you say a racquetball court?
26:54 Speaker 03 Oh yeah, racquetball court.
26:56 Speaker 01 I zoomed, I tuned out for a second. We're at a racquetball court and church now?
27:01 Speaker 01 There you go, baby. That's it.
27:04 H. Foley? Wow, that's beautiful.
27:05 Speaker 01 Okay, that looks like a house. That's more, that's more house than I was, I was in.
27:09 H. Foley? Did he do all that, the brickwork? Man, that's gorgeous.
27:12 Speaker 03 American flag, maybe? Is that good or bad? Does that go towards me?
27:15 Speaker 01 That's, that's a classy, beautiful home.
27:16 Speaker 03 Does that help me or no? American flag?
27:18 H. Foley? Nah, yeah, that's good.
27:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, you gotta sign, that's cla, that's, that's very classy.
27:22 H. Foley? That's a nice spot right there.
27:23 Speaker 03 Yeah.
27:24 H. Foley? And I'm sure the property value, that's going up.
27:26 Speaker 03 Way up.
27:26 H. Foley? Look at it.
27:27 Speaker 01 Good for, okay, alright, so we got a little more.
27:29 Speaker 03 Alright, oh yeah, here we go, here we go. Yeah.
27:31 H. Foley? So your dad did, your dad was doing okay?
27:33 Speaker 03 Yeah.
27:34 H. Foley? How big's the congregation now?
27:35 Speaker 03 Uh, well, he, he left to become the mayor of the city.
27:39 H. Foley? Why didn't you fucking open the dad?
27:41 Speaker 03 Shoot, he's the mayor of Lilburn, Georgia.
27:43 H. Foley? Are you kidding me?
27:44 Speaker 03 Yeah, he left to, yeah.
27:47 H. Foley? Holy shit!
27:49 Speaker 01 I've said it a bunch about other guests, but I cannot get a read on this guy.
27:53 H. Foley? Your dad's the mayor?
27:55 Speaker 01 He is all over the place.
27:55 Speaker 03 He left, the, being the preacher to become the mayor.
27:58 H. Foley? Holy shit, the mayor!
28:01 Speaker 03 Of Lilburn, Georgia. Johnny Crist.
28:04 H. Foley? That's on Johnny, vote for Johnny Crist.
28:06 Speaker 03 Yeah.
28:06 Speaker 01 How could you not?
28:07 H. Foley? Man, are you crazy? He's got the railroad house.
28:11 H. Foley? Plus eight goons running around.
28:13 Speaker 03 Yeah, all of varying degrees of, you know, success.
28:16 Speaker 01 What are some of the other professions that the brothers and sisters do?
28:20 Speaker 03 Okay.
28:21 Speaker 01 A school teacher in there?
28:22 Speaker 03 Well, we got a pastor.
28:24 Speaker 01 You had another pastor, okay.
28:26 Speaker 03 We got a guy, a guy that worked, two guys worked in finance.
28:30 Speaker 01 Okay, pretty good.
28:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, one's builds homes.
28:33 H. Foley? Nice.
28:34 Speaker 03 And one works in real estate, and I'm a comedian.
28:36 Speaker 01 Look at that. That's a good, that's a good, that's a sharp, good family.
28:39 Speaker 03 If you, if you would ask my dad, he would say scoreboard. He's like, my kids are, look at them, they're all successful.
28:44 Speaker 01 Killing it.
28:45 Speaker 03 You know, yeah.
28:45 H. Foley? He's the mayor.
28:46 Speaker 01 He's the mayor. That's coming from the mayor. That's a guy you can trust.
28:48 Speaker 03 Well, I went to rehab in 2009.
28:54 H. Foley? Goddamn train running by the house every night. Who's not gonna want to have a drink?
28:58 Speaker 01 I'd be a little on edge too.
29:01 H. Foley? I went to rehab.
29:03 Speaker 03 Other than that, yeah, the blemish on the record.
29:04 H. Foley? Did you go to college?
29:06 Speaker 03 Uh, I went to Sanford University on a, um, walked onto the tennis team.
29:10 H. Foley? Get the, had you ever played tennis before?
29:12 Speaker 03 Yeah, I played all, yeah.
29:14 H. Foley? I don't fucking know, he's Chris, man, they're good.
29:17 Speaker 01 He's sitting there, one day he picks it up, he goes, feel the power of Christ, and just walks out, starts acing it.
29:23 Speaker 03 I'm going to college with this. It's gonna take me everywhere I need to go.
29:26 H. Foley? Where were you playing tennis?
29:27 Speaker 03 At the, the, the Lilburn City Park is right across the street from the house because of the train station. We, that, all they had was tennis courts, so we just played there.
29:35 H. Foley? No kidding?
29:35 Speaker 01 You got good enough to get a, you walk off?
29:37 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, I didn't have any, I didn't have anything else to do, I just played all day.
29:41 Speaker 01 Was there a TV in the home?
29:43 Speaker 03 No.
29:43 Speaker 01 No TV?
29:44 Speaker 03 No TV, no.
29:45 Speaker 01 What was like the, what was the entertainment? Just books and stuff? Like, what was the, what was the treat?
29:49 Speaker 03 We would listen to the radio.
29:51 Speaker 01 Listen to the radio?
29:52 Speaker 03 Yeah, we listened to the Christian radio, 91.5.
29:56 Speaker 01 The Hawk?
29:57 Speaker 03 Yeah, W125. Uh, we would, so they would, like, uh, in 1991, the Braves were in the World Series, and my dad rented a TV.
30:07 Speaker 01 Whoa.
30:08 Speaker 03 And we would watch the games, but, oh, when the, when the game was not on, we'd put a, my dad would put a black trash bag over that he didn't want.
30:19 Speaker 01 Is that signals? Is that radio signals? Is that just?
30:22 Speaker 03 Outside influences, you know, coming into the.
30:26 Speaker 03 We're not allowed to turn it on until the game.
30:28 Speaker 01 Wow.
30:28 Speaker 03 It was very, like, in a lot of, a lot of, you see a lot of that today and like very, you know how everybody's like, the, the, the drag queens are gonna read and books to the kids, like, is that really happening? We're not sure, but they're terrified of it.
30:42 Speaker 01 Gotcha.
30:42 Speaker 03 The right is. Is that fair to say?
30:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, so your dad was more of like the idea of this happening.
30:47 Speaker 03 It's terrifying, yeah, where everybody were like, like, very, um, we, my mom, they decided, the, somebody told them the more Christians, the more kids you have, the more you could populate the earth with Christians.
31:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, my mom's Irish Catholic, my mom's one of nine, it's the same.
31:04 Speaker 03 I like how everything else was objectionary and I say that and you're like, well, that lines up.
31:08 Speaker 01 These old, these old world people are crazy.
31:10 Speaker 03 That I buy.
31:11 H. Foley? His family was worried of.
31:14 Speaker 01 Bad pullout game.
31:17 H. Foley? Wait, so.
31:20 H. Foley? Hi.
31:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, I just, I need a minute. Let's all go, let's go catch a smoker.
31:24 H. Foley? Hold on, your brothers are in finance, so you guys must have been good in school when you got to, did everybody eventually go to a regular high school?
31:30 Speaker 03 Yeah.
31:31 H. Foley? Okay. Did you do good in high school? Were you a good student?
31:35 Speaker 03 No.
31:36 H. Foley? Really?
31:36 Speaker 03 My brothers were, but like, I think a lot of, I have like a, like a, whatever you call, not a, I had a learning disability. Where I went, because they were like, take the test, we don't know what grade this guy's in, we never, the system had never seen me.
31:49 H. Foley? This guy's 38 years old.
31:50 Speaker 01 He's like Alf, they don't know what to do.
31:53 Speaker 03 So they took.
31:59 Speaker 01 They've never seen anything like him, they don't know what grade he's in, he's like the Kenbe Matumba, they don't know how old he is.
32:04 Speaker 03 Who is, remember, uh, yeah, so they go, they go, well, you have to take this test to see what grade you're gonna be in. So then I show up and then I'm making friends with these kids, yeah, I'm making friends with all these kids and like, sixth grade, I have this like, on the other wing, this class where you like, playing memory and like, saying shapes and like, triangles, I'm like, does anyone else have this? They're like, we never heard of that one.
32:29 Speaker 01 Is anybody else in shapes and sounds?
32:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's like in the, it's in the, it's in like the elementary building and I've, that, I found out like, after I graduated that I had a learning disability that no one told me about and they're like, you just, they're just like, go, sixth period, just go up to Miss, uh, Nora Lahey and she's gonna teach you about triangles and like, if you rotate a triangle, when does it matter? Like, very.
32:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:51 H. Foley? Did you ace that?
32:53 Speaker 03 I think they got my brain up to where it was supposed to be.
32:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, up to speed, yeah.
32:56 Speaker 03 Yeah, nah, I was never ahead, but I was, I could survive.
32:58 H. Foley? Huh.
32:59 Speaker 03 Yeah.
32:59 H. Foley? Um, growing up, you guys, I would assume, sit down, have dinner together.
33:05 Speaker 03 Every night.
33:06 H. Foley? Your mom cooking?
33:07 Speaker 03 Every night.
33:07 H. Foley? How was she in the kitchen?
33:09 Speaker 03 Aces, bro, lights out.
33:10 Speaker 01 What was the good, what was your favorite that she did?
33:12 Speaker 03 Lights out, and the roast beef was unbelievable.
33:14 H. Foley? Would she make like biscuits and stuff like that?
33:16 Speaker 03 From, like dude, she had a, my dad got her a, a week grinder.
33:23 H. Foley? Whoa.
33:24 Speaker 03 To like, you know how like, somebody like makes a muffin, but like, yeah, you made it from the thing.
33:28 Speaker 01 It's in a box or whatever.
33:29 Speaker 03 What did the box make it from and what did they make it from? Like, starting with grain.
33:34 H. Foley? Really?
33:35 Speaker 03 Can make bread.
33:37 H. Foley? That's awesome. So it was homey. Loving home, would you say?
33:40 Speaker 03 Yeah, I mean, there wasn't, numbers wise, there wasn't enough love.
33:45 H. Foley? Sure.
33:46 Speaker 03 Just time wise to go around for everybody, so that's probably why I do it.
33:49 Speaker 01 What a very diplomatic, very Mayoral way to say that, I would say.
33:53 H. Foley? But everybody, everybody was on board, it was, it was, it was cozy, it was homey.
33:58 Speaker 03 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, and your brothers were like, kind of your best friend.
34:01 H. Foley? Sure, you guys were out running around, playing tennis, football, all that kind of stuff.
34:05 Speaker 03 Football, not a lot.
34:05 Speaker 01 Does anybody not talk to each other?
34:07 Speaker 03 No, everybody's friends with each other, no. Yeah, and everybody's kind of different, we, I have a lot of jokes in my act about the family group text, because everybody's married to a regular person.
34:16 Speaker 01 Really?
34:16 Speaker 03 Or like a, an outsider, and we're not, yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:20 Speaker 01 Call, he just calls outsiders.
34:21 Speaker 03 No, no, no.
34:22 Speaker 01 Like, I'm some sort of freak.
34:23 H. Foley? I think the word you're looking for is heathens.
34:25 Speaker 01 I grew up in a normal house.
34:26 Speaker 03 Regular, a regular person, yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:28 H. Foley? Hell dwellers.
34:29 Speaker 03 So everybody, everybody, I think has had this, that you, that they go, and the, the.
34:34 Speaker 01 It's just shot.
34:35 Speaker 03 The in-laws are chatting, they're like, the Chris's.
34:39 Speaker 01 They're nuts, these guys.
34:40 Speaker 03 Are nuts.
34:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, have you guys, they're going, have you, it's the ones.
34:42 H. Foley? Don't I have those? Muffins, didn't they shut the fuck up, huh?
34:45 Speaker 01 The one won't go near the microwave. It's gray. You're like, whatever.
34:47 Speaker 03 Yeah, like, there's a lot of, like, obviously, my parents are a lot of, eh, vaccines. Cause they don't, because the, um, Amish don't believe in healthcare. They're like, if, if God, it's God's will. You know, like, the...
35:00 H. Foley? So what'd you do when you got sick as a kid? Wrote it out?
35:03 Speaker 03 Wrote it out.
35:04 H. Foley? Damn.
35:04 Speaker 03 And my brother, we were playing, um, something in the park one time, and I kneed him in the temple, and he was down, laid down for hours.
35:12 Speaker 01 That'll take you the hours.
35:15 Speaker 03 Laid down, and we couldn't, and my mom was like, "Drink some Sprite."
35:18 Speaker 01 Get that sugar in you, boy.
35:20 Speaker 03 Yeah. And so for, it was probably five days, he literally couldn't get up. He, he couldn't get up. And finally, reluctantly, we laugh about it now, but they took him to the hospital, and they were like, "If you'd have come in here," another...
35:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, his brain's swelling or something.
35:33 Speaker 03 He was swelling with blood. His brain was, he has a giant scar all the way down here because...
35:38 Speaker 01 They'd open him up or whatever?
35:39 Speaker 03 Yeah, drain his, drain the blood from his head. Cause we're like, we don't, it's, God created, I'm, I'm not joking, God created... Like, there's a lot of Pentecostal churches that handle snakes, poisonous snakes. You know, people have done documentaries on them. They're like, "We believe that if God, if you get bitten..." I don't believe this.
35:58 Speaker 01 You don't have any snakes on you right now, dude.
35:59 Speaker 03 No, no, no, no, no. That it's God's will, you showing faith by handling these snake. I don't believe that.
36:07 Speaker 01 That's logical to me.
36:09 H. Foley? If a snake bites you, that means you're a bad person?
36:11 Speaker 03 No, that means, and then, yeah, that was God's will.
36:13 Speaker 01 You're going, "I trust God not to hurt me."
36:15 Speaker 03 And I'm gonna go into, I'm going to a better place anyway. I, I'm not on board with that.
36:19 Speaker 01 That's law. I can draw that line.
36:21 Speaker 03 You know how the...
36:21 H. Foley? I wouldn't pass the snake test, I don't think.
36:23 Speaker 03 You know how the...
36:24 Speaker 01 He wouldn't pass the triangle test.
36:27 Speaker 01 Bring it back.
36:29 Speaker 03 You know how the Mormons do, like, soaking and stuff like that? You ever heard of that?
36:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
36:32 Speaker 03 Okay, we don't...
36:33 Speaker 01 You know soaking?
36:33 H. Foley? The sex thing?
36:34 Speaker 01 Yeah. Okay, weirdo. I don't know why you said it like that.
36:38 H. Foley? Where you just put it in and sit there?
36:39 Speaker 01 Cause you're not allowed to, it's technically not sex.
36:41 H. Foley? And then you get, you get somebody to sit up...
36:42 Speaker 01 Is it true they have someone to work your hips? Is that true, or is that a myth?
36:44 Speaker 03 Somebody under the bed.
36:46 Speaker 01 I hear that. They call it like a thrusters.
36:48 Speaker 03 Well, I say, I, I say in jest about other, uh, sex or denominations that are more extreme, but we're kind of... With the, you know what I'm saying, like, we don't do that, but virginity is very important.
37:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:00 Speaker 03 And then, so they were like, that's a loophole.
37:03 Speaker 01 Gotcha.
37:04 Speaker 03 You know, does that make sense?
37:05 Speaker 01 I like loopholes.
37:05 Speaker 03 Yeah.
37:07 Speaker 01 I'm all about that.
37:08 Speaker 03 So you can see, you're like, the snake handling, that doesn't really make any sense, but you're like, one or two before that is like,
37:14 Speaker 01 Yeah, where's your line?
37:15 Speaker 03 We believe that if, that God is, but then I believe, we're like, well, you should take some Tylenol if you're... But very, nobody would do like an antidepressant, or...
37:25 H. Foley? And how are your parents as far as you expanding, like, you coming up with your own way to live? Like, you,
37:31 Speaker 03 Yeah.
37:31 H. Foley? Are they cool with that?
37:34 Speaker 03 Well, I started doing comedy for the first like 10 years in church.
37:37 Speaker 01 Gotcha. A lot of those, a lot of you southern guys do that.
37:40 Speaker 03 Yeah, I was like, I was like just doing the churches.
37:42 Speaker 01 Probably done it. By the way, the southern guys are killing it right now.
37:45 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, the southern guys are killing it, yeah.
37:47 Speaker 01 You guys are on one.
37:48 Speaker 03 Nate, Dusty's been through here.
37:49 Speaker 01 Never heard of them. Yeah!
37:51 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:51 H. Foley? When's the first time you saw TV? Like, when's the last time you, so you grew up watching, watching like sitcoms or anything like that?
37:58 Speaker 03 Never. No, we didn't, like, anything like Rugrats, or that was all like,
38:01 Speaker 01 Shut up, Rugrats.
38:03 Speaker 03 Caillou, he was like, you know, mean to his parents.
38:06 H. Foley? Yeah, I didn't even talk about that.
38:08 Speaker 03 All the, we, we saw like,
38:10 H. Foley? Would you see this at your friend's house?
38:11 Speaker 03 Yeah, like a friend's, we would go over for dinner and they would be like, the Disney movies, I remember, like, seeing The Lion King and you're like, What?
38:19 H. Foley? Yeah.
38:20 Speaker 03 This is unreal.
38:22 Speaker 01 You're spitting at the TV. Were you, he's there with snakes. You're your friend.
38:27 Speaker 03 Nah, dude, yeah.
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39:27 Speaker 01 So your friends were obviously, they wouldn't be like me. They were also still more religious and conservative.
39:32 Speaker 03 What are you?
39:33 Speaker 01 A fucking dirtbag. You know what I mean? Like you weren't coming over and we weren't stealing my dad's smokes or whatever.
39:38 Speaker 03 No, no, no, no, no.
39:39 Speaker 01 So like they were still more reserved, but they were just now...
39:41 Speaker 03 They were still Christian.
39:42 Speaker 01 They were still Christian based.
39:43 Speaker 03 But they maybe went to school. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, they had, you know, TVs.
39:49 Speaker 01 But yeah.
39:49 Speaker 03 But it was very limited.
39:50 Speaker 01 What they even that had.
39:51 Speaker 03 What, no, what we were allowed to, like, if the parents were eating dinner, what's going on in here? What movie?
39:59 H. Foley? Your mom and dad would want to know.
40:01 Speaker 03 Yeah, everything. Because they want to kind of...
40:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, can you keep the reins? I get that, okay.
40:06 Speaker 03 Yeah.
40:07 H. Foley? When was the first time you saw a porno?
40:09 Speaker 03 Dude, I saw...
40:10 Speaker 01 Why did you whisper it?
40:12 Speaker 03 Yeah. I saw me and my brother were riding bikes at this place called The Mud Flats where like it was like a, we ride bikes down there all the time. And we rode, there was a ditch, I never forget this, and there was a Playboy open. And I never, I mean, I had to been later than other 10.
40:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:33 Speaker 03 And we, me and my brother Joe, we looked at it and we knew we shouldn't see that.
40:41 Speaker 01 Lord save me.
40:41 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
40:43 H. Foley? We knew we were out.
40:45 Speaker 03 We knew, bro, and that...
40:46 Speaker 01 Talk about rum springer.
40:47 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, we knew. But then I'm like every other, I'm still a human, like I remember laying in bed that night and trying to figure out a situation where I could...
40:59 H. Foley? Get back there and get your hands on it?
41:00 Speaker 03 Yeah.
41:01 Speaker 01 Without telling, were you planning on telling your brother? Not to, no.
41:04 Speaker 03 No, no, no, no, no. I gotta go, hey, I gotta go, like, try to organize a situation where you could...
41:10 Speaker 01 You're gonna go get there on your own?
41:11 Speaker 03 Yeah.
41:12 H. Foley? I left my gun back.
41:15 Speaker 01 I'm gonna go baptize myself.
41:17 H. Foley? Whoa.
41:18 Speaker 01 Huh.
41:18 H. Foley? Man. College was somewhat normal?
41:21 Speaker 01 Sorry, one second. Okay, yeah, go. No college.
41:23 H. Foley? College was... When do you start getting out into the world?
41:26 Speaker 01 Is that a religious college?
41:28 Speaker 03 Uh, it was Christian.
41:29 Speaker 01 Christian.
41:29 Speaker 03 Christian college where we had like, I mean, then we had Sanford University, but there was like a proxy on the, you couldn't just look up whatever you wanted on the internet. I mean, this is 2002, but they had filters on the internet.
41:44 H. Foley? Damn.
41:44 Speaker 03 So you couldn't type in like boobs or something. They would be like nah, nah, and then somebody would, hey, you can't be doing that.
41:51 H. Foley? No shit?
41:52 Speaker 03 Yeah, people get in trouble for that all the time.
41:53 H. Foley? Holy cow, they know?
41:54 Speaker 03 So then, the internet was different back then, because there was like a pro, you had to enter this like secret website to get around the...
42:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:02 H. Foley? My man, loopholes.
42:03 Speaker 03 Yeah, but people are always...
42:05 Speaker 01 Johnny Loops are gonna start calling it.
42:09 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah.
42:09 H. Foley? Mudflaps and loopholes.
42:11 Speaker 01 Mudflaps.
42:14 Speaker 01 Mudflaps isn't a fucking stripper bar.
42:16 Speaker 03 Mudflaps, yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:17 Speaker 01 Go down to Mudflaps.
42:19 H. Foley? Ah, alright.
42:21 Speaker 01 Now, what's your relationship with medicine now? How do you feel about it?
42:26 Speaker 03 Yeah, I think if you're gonna, if you're gonna break your wrist and you're gonna put it in the sling, people's brains are, the chemicals aren't firing right. And then you're just like, let's give you some, so we can fire them right, and people are on their feet. I got no problem with an antidepressant.
42:40 H. Foley? What'd you go to rehab for?
42:41 Speaker 03 Uh, alcohol.
42:42 H. Foley? Okay, so you're off the booze now?
42:44 Speaker 03 Yeah, five years sober.
42:45 Speaker 01 Congratulations, man.
42:46 Speaker 03 Because of the Lord. Well, I always argue the Lord might have got me there, but he also got me out.
42:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, what is that? I guess, what is that?
42:52 Speaker 03 It's a joke, but yeah.
42:54 Speaker 01 Where does, where does the logic fall on that of?
42:57 Speaker 03 Where did the, yeah.
42:58 Speaker 01 So like, is it that you didn't follow his plan and started drinking?
43:01 Speaker 03 Well, what happened was, so I started, I never touched alcohol till I was like 30.
43:09 Speaker 03 I never and and.
43:10 Speaker 01 I feel you gotta start younger. I started young and all my buddies that didn't do anything till later. They then go after.
43:17 H. Foley? I started, I started young and I ended up in a bad spot.
43:21 Speaker 01 Buddy, you're still in a bad spot.
43:25 Speaker 01 We gotta save you some.
43:27 Speaker 03 He's like, I think there was a lot of, uh, in terms of sheltered, very sheltered. Don't, don't show them anything of the world. Don't, don't, but we're like, we're all, we're gonna, the, the flip side is like, we're gonna learn, we're gonna see, you're gonna figure out masturbation.
43:45 Speaker 01 Right.
43:46 Speaker 03 At some point, whether you tell us about it.
43:48 Speaker 01 I went to rehab for that.
43:50 Speaker 03 Or alcohol and then I, I started becoming like very popular in Christian circles.
43:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's how I remember getting, you know, exposed.
44:02 Speaker 03 And then I had to like, kind of, uh, it was so stressful and everybody knew me and then I started like having a kind of like a secret life. Cause I was so.
44:11 Speaker 01 You didn't want that stuff public.
44:13 Speaker 03 And then everybody, and then the shame of church, that's what we joke about. You go to church to try to get rid of the shame, but the, but the religion also gave you the shame.
44:21 H. Foley? Causes you.
44:22 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's a tricky.
44:23 H. Foley? You go to church, you still go to church now?
44:25 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
44:25 H. Foley? You're very connected?
44:26 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm. Yep.
44:29 H. Foley? Fascinating.
44:30 Speaker 01 Wild story.
44:31 H. Foley? Man.
44:32 Speaker 01 Huh, what was the first job?
44:35 Speaker 03 Uh, Chick-fil-A.
44:36 Speaker 01 Whoa.
44:37 Speaker 03 Yeah, so we weren't allowed, it's Christian.
44:39 H. Foley? No, were you not allowed to work at like a pizza place or nothing like that?
44:41 Speaker 03 No, no, because dude, think about that. What you mean, dude? Think about going, think about your parents raising you and then you're just gonna go.
44:50 Speaker 01 To go work with you at a pizza shop.
44:51 Speaker 03 Yeah, these heathens out there, you don't know what they're.
44:53 Speaker 01 You'd be like, cigarettes are good, kid.
44:56 H. Foley? Wait, but they figured Chick-fil-A was okay.
44:57 Speaker 03 I see Joe Pesci from Home Alone.
45:00 H. Foley? Because they figured, he just saw that.
45:04 Speaker 03 This is unbelievable.
45:05 Speaker 01 I'm lost in New York.
45:07 H. Foley? New movie, my cousin Benny.
45:10 H. Foley? Wait, so they figured Chick-fil-A because it was Christian.
45:12 Speaker 01 It's Christian.
45:13 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's Christian. But think about if you like when we go to the, we go to the Amish community for Christmas. For fun, at night, okay, they, they play shuffleboard.
45:26 Speaker 01 With the stick?
45:27 Speaker 03 Yeah, and everybody kind of watches. That's like the, everybody gathers around then we.
45:31 H. Foley? But they're not doing Christmas. You just go up there at that time of the year.
45:33 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's a holiday because the, the, um, the, um, harvest. The, the seasons are switching.
45:39 Speaker 01 Guys are on the almanac.
45:42 Speaker 01 Can't be held down to a, it's been a 25th.
45:45 H. Foley? So they don't celebrate Christmas, but there is a holiday around that time of the year.
45:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, because everybody has been planted. And then if you're like, let's say you're, you're making things, you still have to, you're selling them to the people that they're off.
45:56 H. Foley? Right.
45:56 Speaker 03 You know what I'm saying? So if you're a machinist, that you're like, well, we sell our carts to, and they're off for the holidays. So we, they do holiday, they do take time off.
46:05 Speaker 01 They deserve a time off, yeah.
46:07 H. Foley? Gotcha.
46:07 Speaker 03 But, but in terms of religion, if you go, these people, what do, what does somebody in New York need to do to, to get a little dopamine rush? They need to drink, smoke, look up.
46:20 Speaker 01 Now we're talking.
46:21 Speaker 03 No, drink, smoke, get with some girls, get on social media, go to a rave and like, and the Amish people just to get the same high. Play shuffleboard. Aren't they winning?
46:33 Speaker 01 I, listen, yeah, I would argue it's like if you watch too much pornography, you then start chasing the dragon. You get like, well, I'm desensitized to. I mean, if an Amish guy came and lived, lived a day in the life of, you'd be fucking, he'd go nuts, you know what I mean?
46:48 Speaker 03 I would get quote, high.
46:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:50 Speaker 03 Now by after I would get some DoorDash and then gamble on the late coast, the late west coast NBA game. After my show, because I'm kind of.
47:02 Speaker 01 You're still chasing the high.
47:02 Speaker 03 I used to go chase like.
47:05 Speaker 01 The booze and stuff.
47:05 Speaker 03 Yeah, and I don't do that anymore.
47:07 Speaker 01 What was the drink of choice, if you don't mind me asking?
47:09 Speaker 03 Man, I would drink, uh, grapefruit deep Eddys.
47:12 Speaker 01 What the hell is a grapefruit deep Eddy?
47:14 Speaker 03 Is anything normal with you?
47:16 Speaker 01 It's what Moses drank.
47:19 H. Foley? Grape juice in a desert?
47:21 Speaker 01 Deep Eddie?
47:22 Speaker 03 Deep Eddie's. You know what that is?
47:23 Speaker 01 No.
47:24 H. Foley? We find that it's just 7-Up? Nothing on that?
47:28 Speaker 01 Oh, Deep Eddie is a brand?
47:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, Deep Eddie's vodka.
47:30 H. Foley? Oh.
47:31 Speaker 03 Grapefruit vodka. But I would just like-
47:33 Speaker 01 Just straight?
47:34 Speaker 03 Yeah. I never understood like socially, I was like, this feels awesome to get drunk.
47:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's great.
47:39 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's awesome, dude.
47:42 Speaker 03 Don't have to sell us on that.
47:43 H. Foley? Vodka grapefruit.
47:44 Speaker 01 Okay, so let's say, you know, if you don't mind me jumping in here a little bit, what uh, what would that look like? You'd do a show and then have it after? Did anybody in the green, were you hiding it in the green room?
47:54 Speaker 03 Yeah, dude, we went on this uh, we went on this-
47:56 Speaker 01 Who knew?
47:57 Speaker 03 Ah.
47:59 H. Foley? Jesus.
47:59 Speaker 03 The Lord.
48:00 Speaker 01 Yeah, there you go.
48:01 Speaker 03 Yeah, we went on this tour, this uh, arena, this Christian arena tour.
48:06 Speaker 01 You guys are killing it.
48:08 Speaker 03 Called, it's called a winter jam. So it was like, it was a bunch of bands, I was the comedian on it, and it was a dry tour. So you can't, because of the witness, you don't want the Christian, you don't want them to see you drinking, obviously.
48:20 Speaker 01 Of course, yeah.
48:20 Speaker 03 So, everyone would have to put it in like another, I mean, they're all, we're all in our adults.
48:28 Speaker 01 30s or whatever.
48:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, and then when somebody tells you you can't do something, you want to do it.
48:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
48:32 Speaker 03 So it's all in like Gatorade, but, and then everybody, you've been in a, in a, on the tour bus, there's the bunks, so everybody's drinking alone.
48:41 Speaker 01 In like a 12-bunk box.
48:42 Speaker 03 Which is way worse, which, that's how you become an alcoholic.
48:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
48:46 Speaker 03 Cause you can't drink socially, so everybody does it in private.
48:49 Speaker 01 Really?
48:50 Speaker 03 Yeah.
48:51 Speaker 01 Wow, man.
48:51 H. Foley? It's wild.
48:52 Speaker 01 What a wild story.
48:54 Speaker 03 But it, but alcohol didn't really like, cause I, I came across it later.
48:58 Speaker 01 What was the first time?
49:00 Speaker 03 Man, the first time I ever drank, I was at this Christian uh, camp.
49:05 H. Foley? Was it a vodka grapefruit?
49:07 Speaker 03 No, it was a beer.
49:08 H. Foley? Okay.
49:08 Speaker 03 And they to, and I was 20, late 20, they told me we couldn't drink, and I was like, no, I'm drinking. Cause something told me I couldn't, which is, this makes no sense.
49:17 H. Foley? Sure.
49:18 Speaker 03 Yeah, but I'm like, I'm getting around the rules.
49:20 H. Foley? Would your parents, would your dad have wine or anything?
49:22 Speaker 03 No, dude. My parents-
49:24 H. Foley? I didn't know- At the
49:27 Speaker 01 Not dude, they're not the
49:28 H. Foley? The blood of Christ.
49:29 Speaker 01 They're not Guidos.
49:30 Speaker 03 That's
49:32 Speaker 01 They're not Guidos out in Sheep's Head Bay.
49:35 Speaker 03 But my parents went to, they, uh, somebody invited them over for dinner and they had pasta sauce cooked in wine and they went home. They said, we're not, we're not doing that.
49:43 Speaker 01 Guidos.
49:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
49:45 H. Foley? Can't have Penney all vodka?
49:46 Speaker 03 No.
49:48 Speaker 01 That's nuts.
49:48 Speaker 03 But there are a lot of people that are, are, are of the same denomination of Christianity that drink.
49:53 H. Foley? Gotcha.
49:54 Speaker 03 So
49:54 Speaker 01 And so it's where you draw your line, or you know, whatever. Yeah.
49:57 Speaker 03 And I, and I, it's hard to come down on anybody, like all these, every church is like, this is what we do.
50:02 H. Foley? Sure.
50:03 Speaker 03 And then you're like, dude, like my parents didn't really believe in like, you know, birth control, or they're just like, God is gonna open and close the womb as he sees fit.
50:13 Speaker 01 Hmm. Man. You're, you're interesting.
50:17 H. Foley? But your parents are okay with how you live your life?
50:21 H. Foley? To a degree.
50:21 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, they think, they, well, they're still kinda, look at the neighbor. They were still, have like, you know, they,
50:30 Speaker 03 they would still talk like, yeah, they're like, uh, still gossip about other people. So I kinda just saying these things out loud is like, dude, they think it's awesome.
50:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
50:39 Speaker 03 Yeah.
50:40 Speaker 01 That makes sense.
50:40 Speaker 03 But it's all, I wouldn't, I never like would cuss or anything.
50:43 H. Foley? In front of your parents, gotcha.
50:44 Speaker 03 No, in my show or anything.
50:45 H. Foley? Oh, gotcha.
50:46 Speaker 03 Yeah.
50:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, southern guys play it straight. They really do.
50:49 H. Foley? No crystal light growing up?
50:51 Speaker 03 Who are all these other southern guys?
50:52 Speaker 01 I don't know, you, Nate.
50:53 Speaker 03 Dusty.
50:54 Speaker 01 Dusty.
50:54 H. Foley? What were you drinking at dinner?
50:55 Speaker 01 That's the three wise men.
50:56 Speaker 03 Oh, uh, sweet tea.
50:58 H. Foley? Sweet?
50:58 Speaker 03 Yeah, because tea, because the sugar was
51:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
51:01 Speaker 03 All systems go.
51:02 H. Foley? No, any soda?
51:03 Speaker 03 Yeah. Yeah.
51:04 H. Foley? You'd love to have soda?
51:05 Speaker 03 Yeah.
51:06 Speaker 01 That's a spray for the headaches.
51:07 Speaker 03 Later.
51:08 Speaker 01 For the brain contusion.
51:10 Speaker 03 Yeah.
51:10 H. Foley? Would your mom ever make Italian food? Like, would you have spaghetti and meatballs?
51:13 Speaker 03 Mm, spaghetti.
51:14 H. Foley? Yeah?
51:15 Speaker 03 Spaghetti. Oh, yeah.
51:17 H. Foley? Would you guys go out to eat as a kid?
51:20 Speaker 03 Well, we, we, you gotta think about everything's 10x.
51:24 H. Foley? Right.
51:25 Speaker 03 So we would get a, we would go to Taco Bell and after church and, you know, I never forget this, we would always, we would go Taco Bell, Taco Bell. Beg for it, beg for it, but we could never go out to eat, cause everything's, it's, it's a lot of money for 10 people.
51:39 H. Foley? Sure.
51:39 Speaker 03 Yeah, so we would get, he would get a, uh, it was like a pyramid of, of soft tacos.
51:43 H. Foley? Uh huh.
51:44 Speaker 03 Probably 30 and then, uh, one drink.
51:48 H. Foley? One drink.
51:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, just then whoever drank the last one, go fill it back up.
51:52 H. Foley? Oh, you don't share it?
51:53 Speaker 03 No, no, everybody shares it.
51:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
51:55 Speaker 03 And then you just, it's free refills.
51:58 H. Foley? Suckers.
51:59 Speaker 03 I don't think that's.
51:59 H. Foley? Loophole.
52:01 Speaker 01 Johnny Loops.
52:03 H. Foley? What was the family car?
52:05 Speaker 03 A van, like an eighteen, fifteen passenger van.
52:07 Speaker 01 Like a church van, like one of the big.
52:08 Speaker 03 Yeah, church van, and we'd all ride in that, yeah. And we'd all dress alike.
52:11 H. Foley? No, you wouldn't.
52:12 Speaker 03 Yeah, we'd all dress the exact same.
52:14 Speaker 01 What'd that look like?
52:16 Speaker 03 Like everybody was wearing like a matching outfit.
52:19 Speaker 01 Like every day?
52:20 Speaker 03 When we went out.
52:22 Speaker 01 You went out, everybody put their white thing.
52:23 H. Foley? Your mom and dad too?
52:25 Speaker 03 No, they were, all the kids were matching in like, you know, overalls or something like that.
52:29 H. Foley? Nice.
52:30 Speaker 03 I'm just saying these things out loud for the first time and it sounds insane.
52:33 Speaker 01 That's a lot of overalls.
52:34 Speaker 03 Yeah.
52:35 H. Foley? Hammy, a lot of hammy downs, I would assume.
52:37 Speaker 03 Yeah, I didn't have my own, yeah, you just give it to the next kid. Yeah, very, a lot of gender neutral outfits.
52:41 H. Foley? Your mom was crushing all that laundry?
52:44 Speaker 03 Yeah, we had a, like, once the, um, once she went into depression, we had a laundry lady.
52:49 Speaker 01 Did I just come into laundry?
52:50 Speaker 03 Yeah, just laundry.
52:51 Speaker 01 Imagine that.
52:52 Speaker 03 Brenda.
52:53 H. Foley? Brenda. Was she in the church too?
52:56 Speaker 03 No, she was on the other, she was a.
52:57 Speaker 01 Yikes, outsider.
52:59 Speaker 03 They weren't allowed to talk to her.
53:00 Speaker 01 Uh, and you.
53:01 H. Foley? You weren't allowed to talk to her?
53:02 Speaker 03 Well, they, she was kind of a loose cannon.
53:06 Speaker 01 I'd be too. That's a lot of socks.
53:10 Speaker 01 I'd be drinking on the job, a little, a little Deep Eddy vodka.
53:14 H. Foley? Deep Eddy vodka.
53:15 Speaker 03 Deep Eddy, bro. I can't believe I just said that.
53:18 H. Foley? Couple of Deep Eddys.
53:19 Speaker 03 Let's go.
53:20 Speaker 01 What a, huh.
53:21 Speaker 03 Buddy, but if you get like, that what's, I mean, I got the, I, it's probably two thousand, I've been doing stand up for fifteen years, but I, I, I mean, what, I always go, what was the plan? Like, I got Instagram and it was posting funny videos. Girls were like, what's up? And I was like, what? I mean, we've all experienced the way you guys have sure experienced it, cause.
53:45 Speaker 01 Nope.
53:47 H. Foley? Have you seen us?
53:48 Speaker 01 I get a lot of guys that look like me. Going, hey, where'd you get that meatball parm?
53:54 H. Foley? My husband's a huge fan.
53:55 Speaker 03 Yeah, they go, well, I just know, like, kinda getting bullied a little bit when I went to that, that school. And then all of a sudden, you're like.
54:04 Speaker 01 You're cool.
54:06 Speaker 03 You, but I think comedy makes people that otherwise, look at all these comics. That wouldn't, are not socially, or that would fit in, comedy makes us cool. Right?
54:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, I agree.
54:18 H. Foley? Hear that, Luke?
54:20 Speaker 01 Take that.
54:22 Speaker 03 Comedy makes us cool.
54:23 H. Foley? Uh, no, you're, you're, you agree.
54:23 Speaker 03 That my compression socks.
54:25 Speaker 01 I agree. I'd be a construction worker if it wasn't for this. Um, hmm.
54:31 Speaker 01 How, well.
54:31 H. Foley? Would you have chores, hold on, would you have chores around the house?
54:33 Speaker 03 Yeah, chores.
54:34 Speaker 01 God, they're probably, yeah, they're probably on a chain gang.
54:36 Speaker 03 We had, yeah, uh, every Saturday, we wake up and there's a, a list.
54:40 H. Foley? Cut the lawn, do this.
54:41 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, cut the lawn, cut the grass.
54:41 H. Foley? And it looks like from, the old man likes to keep the place nice.
54:44 Speaker 03 Yeah, gotta be clean. Everything's gotta be clean.
54:46 Speaker 01 What was the cushy job? What did you want? Did you want the?
54:48 Speaker 03 Well, see, there's, there's the front yard, and then it was the front yard, then the backyard was in half. So it's the top half of the back or bottom half of the back.
54:57 Speaker 01 There's a hill.
54:58 Speaker 03 Yeah, there's a hill. So you wanted the top half because the, the water went down to the, and it was thick down there. And the top half, na na na na na na, you're out of there. The bottom half.
55:07 H. Foley? No pool, I assume?
55:08 Speaker 03 No pool, we had, did.
55:10 H. Foley? Can you swim?
55:11 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, I can swim.
55:13 H. Foley? Where'd you learn how to swim?
55:14 Speaker 03 Uh, this girl, Ashley Stewart's house. She had above ground pool.
55:18 Speaker 01 There you go.
55:19 Speaker 03 A loophole. We went over there. She was wearing a blue bikini one time.
55:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, she was.
55:26 Speaker 03 I'd never experienced something like that before. It was unbelievable.
55:30 Speaker 01 Uh huh. I know that.
55:32 H. Foley? Uh, let's talk about now.
55:33 Speaker 01 I got, oh, sorry, well, what was a, what was a vacation? I guess to, up to Lancaster?
55:38 Speaker 03 We would go to like, like, we'd drive to like, uh, national parks and stuff. Like, um, Yosemite, Yellowstone, seeing the geysers. Everything had to be kind of homeschool, everything was like a homeschool.
55:51 Speaker 01 Extension.
55:52 Speaker 03 Learning.
55:52 Speaker 01 Let's go look at the caves.
55:53 Speaker 03 We learned about the, the, uh, Mount whatever, Rushmore, let's go see.
55:58 Speaker 01 Okay.
55:59 Speaker 03 So, uh, every vacation was learning.
56:01 H. Foley? No video games?
56:03 Speaker 03 No, dude.
56:03 H. Foley? So when you would go to bed at night?
56:05 Speaker 01 They put a trash bag on a TV after the Braves game.
56:09 Speaker 03 We Super Mario Brothers, one of our buddies had it.
56:11 H. Foley? Yeah.
56:12 Speaker 03 Bum bum bum bum bum bum.
56:13 Speaker 01 That probably blew your brain, no?
56:14 Speaker 03 Oh, blew my brain.
56:16 H. Foley? Were you aware that video games existed?
56:20 Speaker 03 No. I mean, we never heard, we, no.
56:23 Speaker 01 That's like, that's like trying to explain the internet to a doll. You just like, you're like, yeah, there's a TV, then there's a guy you play, you run around, you jump, you jump in a plant's mouth.
56:30 H. Foley? So what would you do at night?
56:31 Speaker 03 Tetris was just, I mean, this is what, we had never seen something like this.
56:35 H. Foley? What would you do at night before you went to bed? Would you like read?
56:39 Speaker 03 There would be a lot of like, uh, building, a lot of reading, the Hardy Boys.
56:44 H. Foley? Hardy Boys, that's not bad.
56:45 Speaker 01 Good clean fun.
56:46 Speaker 03 Hardy Boys was wild, did we, yeah. And then the, uh, there's like Christian, um, like music.
56:52 Speaker 01 Everything was, you know, curved.
56:53 H. Foley? What time was Lights Out?
56:55 Speaker 03 You ever know any Christian bands?
56:57 Speaker 01 No, not really.
56:59 Speaker 03 Dang, DC Talk, Chris Tomlin, nothing, Hillsong. None of this? Yeah, no, Hillsong.
57:06 H. Foley? Hillsong's the church, isn't it?
57:07 Speaker 03 Yeah, Hillsong's the church, yeah, yeah, yeah.
57:09 H. Foley? That guy packs them in, doesn't he?
57:11 Speaker 01 Moves that kid.
57:16 Speaker 01 The southern kids are killing it right now.
57:20 H. Foley? What time was Lights Out?
57:21 Speaker 03 Ten o'clock, ten o'clock.
57:22 H. Foley? Ten o'clock?
57:23 Speaker 01 That's not bad.
57:24 H. Foley? And how many, who, how many were you in a room with?
57:26 Speaker 03 Five.
57:28 Speaker 01 How many bedrooms was this train station?
57:29 Speaker 03 It was one big room above the garage. He, my dad built the garage.
57:32 Speaker 01 Gotcha. Oh, that's pretty cool. So you had your own little out, your own little...
57:35 Speaker 03 He's like, we're doing a lot of, we were moving a lot of, we got a lot of bodies up here, so we would just, it was, it was like, uh...
57:41 Speaker 01 It was detached from the house?
57:42 Speaker 03 Kind of, yeah, the beds were kind of on the walls, and they're like in the, like, uh...
57:47 Speaker 01 That's a little bit of independence, where you're like away from the main house.
57:49 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
57:50 H. Foley? You put the boys to bond a little bit?
57:51 Speaker 03 Yeah, all five boys over there.
57:52 Speaker 01 I like that, that's pretty cool.
57:53 H. Foley? What were the Christmas presents like?
57:55 Speaker 03 Well, the, the, um, the, one of our grandmothers was kind of doing well. So she, we always went up there to Christmas.
58:03 Speaker 01 What's well?
58:04 Speaker 03 It, they, the dairy.
58:05 H. Foley? Uh huh.
58:06 Speaker 03 She owned the dairy, so we would always, we would go up there for Christmas, up to Lancaster, and she was doing well.
58:12 H. Foley? But she wouldn't get you like G.I. Joes and stuff like that, right?
58:15 Speaker 03 No, no, no, like a Scrabble or something like that, or like a...
58:18 H. Foley? Scrabble's doing well?
58:19 Speaker 03 Like a, a horn, or like a...
58:20 H. Foley? I got a G.I. Joe headquarters and that'll blow your brains out, you kidding me?
58:24 Speaker 01 He got that for Christmas this year.
58:26 Speaker 03 But wouldn't you want to, wouldn't you want to, if you could like, starting now... Like when I went to rehab.
58:30 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
58:31 Speaker 03 It was no, obviously no drugs, no alcohol, no women, no uh uh no caffeine, no sugar, no fiction books, no uh even if you got a runner's high from working out, they wouldn't let you do that. So in essence, it'll, it was so sad and depressing and horrible, but it reset the.
58:50 Speaker 01 I would love that.
58:51 Speaker 03 Have a chicken sandwich.
58:52 Speaker 01 Reset your levels.
58:52 Speaker 03 Yeah, you go out and have like a Sprite and it was like.
58:55 Speaker 01 So now shuffleboard's cool again.
58:57 Speaker 03 Dude, going to like the park with my nephew, I was like playing golf on, that's rehab.
59:05 Speaker 01 You're good at golf?
59:06 Speaker 03 Great at golf.
59:07 Speaker 01 What do you shoot?
59:07 Speaker 03 Um, eight handicap. Me and me.
59:12 Speaker 01 Very good.
59:13 Speaker 03 Me and Bargazzi play a pretty good bit.
59:14 Speaker 01 What's he hitting?
59:15 Speaker 03 He's about a six, but we play straight up when we gamble.
59:18 Speaker 01 There you go.
59:19 Speaker 03 Oh, where gambling's kind of, that's a new.
59:22 Speaker 01 That's where you draw the rule.
59:23 Speaker 03 No, that's where we.
59:24 Speaker 01 And you're allowed to?
59:25 Speaker 03 Not really, but I kinda like.
59:27 Speaker 01 I ain't talking to nobody.
59:28 H. Foley? He wasn't allowed to drink the Ed Hardee's or whatever the hell they were either. Did it.
59:32 Speaker 03 Well, Draft.
59:32 Speaker 01 Harvey Wallbanger?
59:33 Speaker 03 DraftKings, DraftKings was like, hey, we want to sponsor for my podcast. And I was like.
59:40 Speaker 01 What's that promo code looking like?
59:42 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah. Or what, like, what would my fan base, would that be?
59:45 Speaker 01 Of course.
59:45 Speaker 03 You know what I'm saying? Like, I wouldn't do like one of the sex, like.
59:49 Speaker 01 Adam and Eve or something.
59:50 Speaker 03 I probably, I wouldn't.
59:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:52 Speaker 03 But.
59:53 Speaker 01 Either would we. That's promo code garlic.
59:55 Speaker 03 But, but you go, I don't know. Like Christians are kind of, we, I always have a joke about it in my show. Like, we're kind of easing up on gambling now. They're like, eh.
1:00:03 Speaker 01 That makes sense.
1:00:04 Speaker 03 Which all my act is very like, like, these things are put into perspective.
1:00:07 Speaker 01 It's you, not, it's you, yeah.
1:00:10 Speaker 03 But I'm still in it. I'm still in it. Yeah. And that's what the whole, the whole thing is like, well, what do we love?
1:00:14 Speaker 01 Well, it's like, yeah, this rule was written whenever and now there's DraftKings. So that's how, how are we coping?
1:00:20 Speaker 03 So how, and if you pray for some, a team to win and then you bet on it, that's a fate.
1:00:25 H. Foley? There you go.
1:00:27 Speaker 03 Nothing wrong with that.
1:00:29 H. Foley? Jesus likes the over.
1:00:32 Speaker 03 They've been making loopholes. Like every, I think Adam Carolla had a bit about, he goes, every religion that was ever man-made is like, what do the guys like to do like Rastafarian? Like, we gotta get rid of, what about weed?
1:00:44 Speaker 03 They're like, hey, what about, uh, multiple wives? Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of ah going on. And that's what my, that's what my act is. Yeah.
1:00:53 H. Foley? When did you get your passport?
1:00:55 Speaker 03 Ooh. I've had one forever.
1:00:57 H. Foley? Forever?
1:00:58 Speaker 03 My whole life, I've had one.
1:00:59 H. Foley? Really?
1:00:59 Speaker 03 Yeah, we went to, my parents took us to Europe. As a kid, my dad was preaching over there for something.
1:01:05 Speaker 01 Very cool.
1:01:06 Speaker 03 I went, I've had it for always. I've been to like, every, probably, on church missions, I've probably been to 30 countries.
1:01:12 Speaker 01 No kidding?
1:01:13 Speaker 03 Yeah, and Christians are also easing up on that too. Like, we shouldn't be going over there and telling them how to get to heaven. Maybe, yeah, this is probably not helping.
1:01:22 H. Foley? You ever do the thing where you guys go to like an island and talk to like a tribe or anything like that?
1:01:26 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:01:26 Speaker 01 No kidding?
1:01:27 Speaker 03 Yeah. Build them a well or something like that?
1:01:29 H. Foley? Get the fuck out of here.
1:01:30 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah.
1:01:32 Speaker 01 Holy shit.
1:01:32 Speaker 03 I'm going to one in like a month.
1:01:34 H. Foley? Really?
1:01:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, we're going to Peru.
1:01:36 Speaker 01 No kidding?
1:01:36 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:01:37 Speaker 01 I'm going to Cancun. Get some of that deep Eddie in.
1:01:43 Speaker 03 Deep Eddie's.
1:01:43 H. Foley? Maybe I'll catch you on a layover.
1:01:45 Speaker 03 Deep Eddie's is like, what, sales are going up? What happened? I was like, oh yeah, there's this guy that was heavy into deep Eddie's.
1:01:50 Speaker 01 All right, a couple of questions now. Very well put together.
1:01:52 H. Foley? Very well.
1:01:53 Speaker 01 I keep getting eyes on that Shaq.
1:01:56 H. Foley? Sharp guy, you're a very sharp guy.
1:01:57 Speaker 01 What brand is that?
1:01:59 Speaker 03 Uh, I don't know, Stylist.
1:02:00 Speaker 01 Stylist did, ah, you're doing press and stuff. Now, do you own that? Or do you gotta give that back?
1:02:05 Speaker 03 Uh, I own this one.
1:02:06 Speaker 01 You own that one?
1:02:07 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:02:08 Speaker 01 Do you know how to tie a tie? How many suits do you own?
1:02:12 Speaker 03 Six or seven.
1:02:13 H. Foley? Wait, hold on, you said Stylist put that together for you?
1:02:16 Speaker 03 Whoa. Yeah.
1:02:17 Speaker 01 You're on the Tonight Show.
1:02:18 Speaker 03 The Tonight Show, yeah, they got, they got me.
1:02:19 Speaker 01 And I'm Jimmy Fallon.
1:02:22 H. Foley? We'll be right back.
1:02:25 H. Foley? No kidding.
1:02:26 Speaker 03 They may looking good over there. Yeah, but that's only because I've been able to, you know, like, rich people look better.
1:02:33 H. Foley? You're doing well.
1:02:34 Speaker 03 Well, they have a-
1:02:34 Speaker 01 We do pretty well. We still look like shit.
1:02:36 Speaker 03 You know how those photos of like if Brad Pitt was like middle class?
1:02:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, for sure. I agree. Okay.
1:02:43 H. Foley? I saw him the other night. He was going out to dinner with Bradley Cooper. I don't know what the hell he was wearing.
1:02:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, he looked-
1:02:49 Speaker 01 What were you wearing at the time you saw it?
1:02:51 H. Foley? I think I was in my underwear.
1:02:52 Speaker 03 You know, that's like a Billy Ma- or not Billy Madison, Adam Sandler. He dresses-
1:02:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:02:56 Speaker 03 But he dresses like that ironically.
1:02:57 H. Foley? Yes, of course.
1:02:58 Speaker 03 That's what people don't understand. They're like, dude, in the South, it's big like, are you, do you have this mullet?
1:03:03 Speaker 01 Ironically, yeah, now it's cool. Cause the South is cool. Like, the Southern culture is very cool.
1:03:07 Speaker 03 NASCAR, are you at this race ironically?
1:03:10 Speaker 01 Because it's a thing to do.
1:03:11 Speaker 03 Or are you like, OMG Dale Earnhardt Jr. Or are you like, or do you love Chase Elliott?
1:03:17 H. Foley? Pitt was wearing something goofy. It was like oversized jeans and like a weird fluffy shirt. Bradley Cooper's got a regular T on jeans and nice fit.
1:03:25 Speaker 01 Hey, Page Six, we got an Amish guy over here. Shut up.
1:03:29 H. Foley? Have you ever seen Page? Do you know who Brad Pitt is?
1:03:30 Speaker 03 Page Six, I don't know who Page Six is. Yeah.
1:03:33 H. Foley? Ah, oh man.
1:03:35 Speaker 01 What kind of car you got?
1:03:37 Speaker 03 A Range Rover.
1:03:37 Speaker 01 Yay, you do.
1:03:40 H. Foley? You're doing well.
1:03:41 Speaker 03 Yeah, we're doing well. We're doing well.
1:03:43 H. Foley? Do you own the house out in Nashville?
1:03:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:03:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, he does.
1:03:45 H. Foley? Place out there, huh?
1:03:46 Speaker 03 That was always, uh-
1:03:48 H. Foley? Will the family come out?
1:03:49 Speaker 01 Good for you.
1:03:50 Speaker 03 The family come to my house?
1:03:51 H. Foley? Yeah, he's killing it. What are you talking about?
1:03:53 Speaker 01 I'm not, what did I say that made it seem that he wasn't doing well? Just own a fucking Land Rover, a Range Rover.
1:04:00 Speaker 03 Yeah, but you always like, you know, like, well, it was, it was, well, I don't do churches anymore.
1:04:06 H. Foley? Right.
1:04:06 Speaker 03 So I'm in the past, for the past six years, I haven't done a church. Just cause I think the relationship's a little tricky. You're paying money to see me, and that's kind of what led to my- Rehab slash cancellation is like, we thought he was going home to read the Bible. Cause we saw him in church and I wasn't.
1:04:21 Speaker 01 So like, yeah, there was, I see what you're saying. There was a responsibility to live in the exact certain way.
1:04:27 Speaker 03 If you were like a missionary to a foreign country, like, we're all sending you money. You can't have a Range Rover.
1:04:32 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
1:04:32 Speaker 03 Cause you're...
1:04:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:04:34 Speaker 03 Like the preacher, that's the argument about the preachers these days. Is they're on the tithe. You can't have a jet, cause we, you told us you were...
1:04:43 H. Foley? Kenneth Copeland.
1:04:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:04:44 H. Foley? Got Tyler Perry's jet.
1:04:46 Speaker 03 Yeah, so that's a rub, so if I go, if I'm working in churches, you can't really be like, flexing.
1:04:52 Speaker 01 Right.
1:04:53 Speaker 03 On a private jet.
1:04:53 Speaker 01 I get it, cause I feel bad that I quit smoking cigs. I feel like I let our fanbase down. So I get what you're saying, just from another angle.
1:05:00 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, same thing. Yeah, I got you.
1:05:04 H. Foley? I mean, that's a very commendable thing, so you stepped out of that to make it more...
1:05:07 Speaker 03 Well, I just think it was a little, and I wasn't living...
1:05:12 Speaker 01 How you felt you should be living in a church.
1:05:14 Speaker 03 Yeah, I was living a secret, a living a secret, and now I'm not anymore.
1:05:17 Speaker 01 That's respectable, living like 20.
1:05:18 Speaker 03 Yeah, so if I'm...
1:05:21 Speaker 01 That I know of.
1:05:24 H. Foley? Wait, so when your family, when your mom and dad come over, you got the TV and all that stuff, right?
1:05:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, they got the TV now.
1:05:30 H. Foley? Oh, they do?
1:05:31 Speaker 01 Times are changing, who don't have a TV? Comes with the, comes with the train station.
1:05:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, God is loosening, my joke is like, when I was growing up, there were so many rules now. God seems to be chilling out.
1:05:40 Speaker 01 You can only fight it for so long. I mean, everything's, you know...
1:05:44 H. Foley? Are you doing, are you doing Christmas out? Everybody come to your house?
1:05:47 Speaker 03 Um, Nashville, we did Christmas in Nashville once.
1:05:50 H. Foley? Are you doing the best out of the whole family, I would say? Financially?
1:05:54 Speaker 03 Man, I don't know about that. I don't know about that.
1:05:56 H. Foley? Your brothers are finance.
1:05:57 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, it is kind of a... Is it like that in your family? You're just trying to guess how everybody's doing?
1:06:03 H. Foley? I know my brother's killing me.
1:06:05 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, he is? So if you guys go to...
1:06:08 H. Foley? Buy me and sell me.
1:06:08 Speaker 03 So if you go to dinner, he picks it up?
1:06:11 H. Foley? No, I do.
1:06:11 Speaker 01 He does it now.
1:06:12 H. Foley? I do it now.
1:06:13 Speaker 03 Yeah, but why?
1:06:14 H. Foley? Because I'm trying to make up for being a scumbag all my life.
1:06:16 Speaker 01 We lived off our brothers for a very long time.
1:06:18 Speaker 03 Yeah, but now you're doing decent, you're doing better.
1:06:21 Speaker 01 I'm doing very well.
1:06:22 Speaker 03 You're doing very well, yeah, you're doing very well. Yeah, this is, everything is unbelievable.
1:06:26 H. Foley? I got a TV.
1:06:27 Speaker 03 Yeah, I see, I know where your podcast ranks.
1:06:30 Speaker 01 I wouldn't be here if it wasn't.
1:06:31 Speaker 03 You're doing very well.
1:06:33 Speaker 01 I got a stylist.
1:06:33 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:06:36 Speaker 01 Wasting my time with you guys. All right, I mean, listen.
1:06:39 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:06:41 Speaker 01 Phew.
1:06:41 H. Foley? Gotta have you back.
1:06:42 Speaker 03 What, is there a final verdict, or what?
1:06:44 Speaker 01 Well, I mean, you're trash, for sure. There's no way around that. Uh, very tough to bounce back from with the Amish, the train state, although it's very nice, you know.
1:06:52 H. Foley? That's crazy story.
1:06:54 Speaker 01 I mean, yeah, you're a hundred percent, we barely scratched it. You and Dusty Slay have the only...
1:07:01 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:07:01 Speaker 01 We only made it till Dusty's 18th birthday, to graduate high school, and then we have to, yeah, we...
1:07:05 Speaker 03 What was your verdict on him?
1:07:06 Speaker 01 What?
1:07:07 Speaker 03 What? Yeah, yeah, I got you, got you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's, dude, he's become more...
1:07:11 H. Foley? He was in the army for like 45 minutes.
1:07:15 Speaker 03 He's become more, like, conservative and Christian, not in a conservative in a political way, but like, he's more... Hey, we're gonna remove ourselves from...
1:07:24 Speaker 01 That life.
1:07:25 Speaker 03 We're going farming, we're gonna make sure...
1:07:27 H. Foley? He's got his shit together, too.
1:07:28 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
1:07:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, he's tightened it up.
1:07:31 H. Foley? You guys, you eat deviled eggs?
1:07:33 Speaker 03 That's hilarious that you asked that. We didn't.
1:07:35 H. Foley? No kidding, 'cause they're deviled eggs?
1:07:37 Speaker 03 Yeah, we didn't.
1:07:37 Speaker 01 I just, 'cause he asks everybody that. I didn't even put the devil...
1:07:40 Speaker 03 Yeah. Angel food cake's what we had, brother. Yeah, we had the devil's eggs, no.
1:07:46 H. Foley? With paprika?
1:07:46 Speaker 03 Yeah. It was all very, a lot of, a lot of stuff like that. They were like, uh, you know, like...
1:07:51 H. Foley? So no devil's food cake?
1:07:52 Speaker 03 No, like, stuff like horns, or like, any kind of...
1:07:55 H. Foley? Horns?
1:07:56 Speaker 01 How, how, how off there they come?
1:07:59 H. Foley? Who's he?
1:08:01 Speaker 01 Take a, take the horns off that paprika.
1:08:03 Speaker 03 Did you ever hear any, did you ever heard, like, if, like, backwards masking, like, if you listen to ACDC backwards?
1:08:08 Speaker 01 Sure.
1:08:08 Speaker 03 Your devil is in your... That kind of stuff. A lot of, a lot of fear of, of unknown.
1:08:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it, of course, yeah.
1:08:17 H. Foley? Hey, you missed out on a lot of good horn, I'll tell you that.
1:08:19 Speaker 01 What'd you say, Pizza Hut or Domino's?
1:08:21 Speaker 03 Pizza Hut, for sure, uh, because the personal pen, we read a lot of books.
1:08:25 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:08:26 Speaker 03 Remember that?
1:08:26 H. Foley? So you were allowed to do Pizza Hut?
1:08:28 Speaker 01 The book it.
1:08:28 Speaker 03 Yeah, dude. We would, because we would come in there with, we would ride our bikes to the library. Yeah, game over, dude.
1:08:34 Speaker 01 Oh, God, here comes the Chris.
1:08:35 Speaker 03 They had to change the policy.
1:08:37 Speaker 01 There's 10 of them and they don't have a TV. We're screwed.
1:08:41 H. Foley? Hide the cups.
1:08:43 Speaker 01 Quick, throw the horns up. Scare them off.
1:08:46 H. Foley? Oh my god. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. John Crist.
1:08:50 Speaker 01 Amazing. What a story.
1:08:51 Speaker 03 Honored to be here.
1:08:52 H. Foley? Unbelievable.
1:08:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, man.
1:08:54 H. Foley? Check out emotional support on his YouTube page. Check out his whole YouTube page. And of course, he's gonna be kicking off the fall tour. In Las Vegas, Nevada, the Encore Theater, August 31st.
1:09:03 Speaker 03 No gambling.
1:09:04 Speaker 01 No gambling.
1:09:04 H. Foley? No gambling.
1:09:05 Speaker 01 None.
1:09:06 Speaker 03 Well, that's a big deal about that.
1:09:07 Speaker 01 Depends on the spread.
1:09:08 Speaker 03 We're going to, yeah. Christians, Christians coming to, coming to Vegas is a big, we would never do that 10 years ago.
1:09:13 Speaker 01 I mean, that's, that's a test of, uh, God's will.
1:09:16 Speaker 03 It's a see, yeah, but Christians are cool about that now.
1:09:19 H. Foley? There you go.
1:09:20 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:09:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, loosening the, loosening the belt a little bit.
1:09:22 H. Foley? Loopholes, baby. It's all about the loopholes. Buddy, that was absolutely fantastic. We can't thank you enough.
1:09:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, that was amazing.
1:09:27 Speaker 03 Honored to be here.
1:09:28 H. Foley? We love you. Anything else you want the folks out there to know?
1:09:30 Speaker 03 Ah, dude, anything, dude. Come by and say hi. If you come by through a meet and greet or something like that, that if you've come from RE Garbage, that would be awesome.
1:09:37 Speaker 01 Go.
1:09:38 Speaker 03 If somebody, no, somebody says, cause a lot of, like, I think, uh, like, the, really, the comics, Pods put me on the map. That's, everybody would say, like, Theo.
1:09:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:09:48 Speaker 03 Nate, uh, Andrew Santino.
1:09:51 Speaker 01 Love those guys.
1:09:52 Speaker 03 Those are the guys that were like, I, Tonight Show is like my first ever credit.
1:09:57 H. Foley? Same thing with us.
1:09:59 Speaker 03 Doing my own thing and comics.
1:10:00 Speaker 01 The podcast, the, the comic podcasters have been the most supportive.
1:10:03 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:10:04 Speaker 01 Of, you know, it's like, it's a, it's a great community.
1:10:06 Speaker 03 I think it's awesome.
1:10:07 H. Foley? Bert, Tom, Tim.
1:10:08 Speaker 03 Bert, too.
1:10:08 H. Foley? Schultz, yeah.
1:10:09 Speaker 01 Everybody's been great.
1:10:10 H. Foley? Stavi, everybody.
1:10:11 Speaker 03 Yeah, we gotta figure it out.
1:10:12 H. Foley? Yeah. Buddy, we love you.
1:10:13 Speaker 03 Thank you, man.
1:10:14 H. Foley? Thank you so much for coming.
1:10:15 Speaker 03 Absolutely.
1:10:15 H. Foley? Uh, Kip, what do you got for him?
1:10:16 Speaker 01 Uh, we're on the, we're on the road to fall and winter dates are on sale. REGarbage.com. Uh, get your tickets before they're gone.
1:10:23 H. Foley? Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week.
Previous Popping Bottles w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley Next Steve Gerben! Page updated November 3, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated