Pod Insights Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast Hoagie Crusher w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley About this episode Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode talking about Hoagiefest, water ice and of course answering your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show!
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Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.
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Transcript 13,356 words · 5 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 H. Foley? Attention dirtbags of America.
0:02 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
0:02 H. Foley? The boys are coming to your town this fall.
0:04 Speaker 01 Yes.
0:05 H. Foley? To find out who is the most garbage in said town.
0:07 Speaker 01 Yes, Atlantic City, San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Brea, Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, Raleigh, Richmond, Baltimore, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Rochester, Toronto. Tickets available, are you garbage dot com.
0:23 H. Foley? We will find you.
0:24 Speaker 02 Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
0:43 H. Foley? Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?
0:49 Speaker 01 Hey, yeah.
0:50 H. Foley? It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a group to be classy.
0:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:54 H. Foley? Or just a big old piece of trash.
0:56 Speaker 01 Garbage.
0:57 H. Foley? I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful summer day. We're out back here at Tooties in a new addition. She set her hair on fire this morning.
1:04 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:04 H. Foley? A curling iron got her.
1:05 Speaker 01 Sure.
1:06 H. Foley? Stinks upstairs. Smells like a laser hair removal factory up there.
1:10 Speaker 01 Factory? I got factories in them now?
1:12 H. Foley? My co-host coming at you from across the tables. We call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies, just the way we like it. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman and always the king of the burbs, baby. Give it up for the father of the year, KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
1:28 Speaker 01 It's the summer, so I'm currently king of the burbs, king of the boards as well, but I haven't been down to shore.
1:32 H. Foley? Hoagie Fest.
1:33 Speaker 01 Shout out to it.
1:34 H. Foley? We're in the middle of Hoagie Fest. Shout out to Wowie.
1:37 Speaker 01 We're a lot loaded and in the middle of Hoagie Fest. Me and a big man were at a Wawa today.
1:42 H. Foley? Yes, sir.
1:42 Speaker 01 Together. No sizzlys were purchased.
1:45 H. Foley? No sizzlys were purchased.
1:46 Speaker 01 And we did not buy tickets to Hoagie Fest.
1:49 H. Foley? No, we did not. Backstage pass.
1:51 Speaker 01 Which, did I ever tell you, uh, my aunt?
1:55 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
1:57 Speaker 01 Shout out Aunt Kate.
1:58 H. Foley? Mm-hmm. Dated Jimi Hendrix.
2:01 Speaker 01 Please.
2:03 H. Foley? Smoking a reefer.
2:05 Speaker 01 Uh, was very instrumental.
2:08 H. Foley? In Woodstock.
2:09 Speaker 01 In Hoagie Fest.
2:10 H. Foley? Really?
2:10 Speaker 01 Yes.
2:11 H. Foley? Wow.
2:11 Speaker 01 She used to work for the city and made the, uh, and...
2:14 H. Foley? Is she the one that decided to put oregano on the Italians?
2:18 Speaker 01 I can put holy water on them, their bags.
2:21 H. Foley? I like a turkey hig.
2:22 Speaker 01 She was working for the city at the time.
2:25 H. Foley? Uh huh.
2:26 Speaker 01 She's like a representative or something like that.
2:28 H. Foley? Comp troller?
2:29 Speaker 01 No.
2:30 H. Foley? What's a comp troller do?
2:31 Speaker 01 It's like an accountant. It's like a...
2:32 H. Foley? Is it?
2:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so.
2:34 H. Foley? Huh.
2:34 Speaker 01 Something you need, by the way.
2:35 H. Foley? Sure, I got one.
2:37 Speaker 01 You don't want to do it.
2:38 H. Foley? Big man.
2:38 Speaker 01 Shout out JB.
2:39 H. Foley? He's on vacation. Everything fell apart.
2:42 Speaker 03 Safeguards the city's financial health.
2:44 H. Foley? Oh, who's that over there? That's, that's pop by the corner office. Look at you.
2:50 Speaker 01 I want that on my desk by 5 o'clock, mister.
2:52 H. Foley? Little eager beaver over there, huh?
2:54 Speaker 01 Look at you.
2:55 H. Foley? Always schmoozing to the boss, aren't you? I got it right here, Mr. Ryan.
3:00 Speaker 03 You asked.
3:01 H. Foley? Look at him. There he is. Luke Dempsey.
3:03 Speaker 01 He did that for you.
3:04 H. Foley? You did that for me? Ah, you're a sweetheart.
3:07 Speaker 01 Also...
3:07 H. Foley? Lunch today, you and me, huh?
3:09 Speaker 03 Let's go.
3:09 Speaker 01 Hoagie fest. Get our hands on some of them hoagies.
3:13 H. Foley? Feel like McConaughey and DiCaprio. Bum bum bum bum.
3:16 Speaker 01 They're jerking off together.
3:19 H. Foley? Gotta get those numbers up.
3:20 Speaker 01 Also, a lot of people, as you, as you know, Luke, uh, Luke is, oh my god, nervous now, he always fucking, it, it trav, hit me. This guy's a mess. Diesel, let me get some paper towels in here. Big man's all thumbs today. Uh, people think...
3:35 H. Foley? And a martini.
3:36 Speaker 01 There's a picture of Luke and, uh, JFK, and people think that's Luke's grandfather, they're making the assumption. Uh, that's actually...
3:44 H. Foley? No, that's Luke, time traveler. That's his looper.
3:48 H. Foley? Come back to get him.
3:49 Speaker 01 Those roots run deep for Lucas.
3:51 H. Foley? Guy's got a bunch of gold taped to his back. Looper, underrated film, by the way.
3:54 Speaker 01 Get out of here.
3:55 H. Foley? What?
3:55 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
3:56 H. Foley? Diesel, with the goddamn paper towels!
3:58 Speaker 01 Did he leave? The hell?
4:00 H. Foley? Hello?
4:02 Speaker 01 He's in a bathroom, what the hell?
4:04 H. Foley? Taking a douche.
4:06 Speaker 01 Grab something, Lucas.
4:07 H. Foley? Thank you, buddy.
4:08 Speaker 01 We'll come back in a sec, once you...
4:16 Speaker 01 You're pooping with the door open? This dude, I mean...
4:20 Speaker 03 I saw a cheek.
4:22 Speaker 01 I gotta, I need...
4:24 H. Foley? Thank you Luke, I appreciate that.
4:26 Speaker 01 I mean, my...
4:27 H. Foley? For everybody out there, Ryan Diesel was in there, so when we're in here working, he's in there crapping with the door open? My god.
4:33 Speaker 01 Hey, who are you, my Uncle Ronnie? That's crazy, dude.
4:37 H. Foley? Hey, you're in my house.
4:38 Speaker 01 What the hell? Woo wee! My team stinks, dude.
4:43 H. Foley? What are you talking about?
4:44 Speaker 01 What?
4:45 H. Foley? Jennifer Hudson, your team?
4:47 Speaker 01 Jennifer, what was that what you think about when you think a team?
4:50 H. Foley? Yeah, I think Jennifer, somebody like Jennifer Hudson would have like a team.
4:52 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
4:53 H. Foley? You know what I mean?
4:54 Speaker 01 Sure.
4:54 H. Foley? Or like Kelly Clarkson has like a team.
4:56 Speaker 01 Any other daytime, Meredith Vieira has a team.
4:59 H. Foley? I'm sure Meredith Vieira probably has a nice team.
5:01 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
5:01 H. Foley? You know, PR, hair, makeup, all that stuff.
5:04 Speaker 01 I guarantee her team's not pooping with the door open.
5:08 Speaker 01 Or spilling her drinks mid-broadcast, I'll tell you that.
5:11 H. Foley? I knocked over a club soda.
5:13 Speaker 01 That she didn't ask permission to have, by the way.
5:15 H. Foley? What are you talking about?
5:16 Speaker 01 It's Club Soda Fest, you didn't ask for tickets.
5:18 H. Foley? I'll give you Club Soda Fest.
5:19 Speaker 01 Um...
5:20 H. Foley? Get back to your aunt blowing the whoever...
5:21 Speaker 01 Jeez, Johnny Wawa, you're gonna tell her you said that, she is not, my uncle's listening to this program.
5:26 H. Foley? She ain't a comptroller no more, she can't do nothing to me.
5:29 Speaker 01 Don't be surprised. Um, she, uh, and they suggested, it was something for like, she suggested it for like a wee, like a one-off of like a coalition with the city and Wawa being a Wawa is such a provider of, you know, whatever. And they, they were down with it.
5:44 H. Foley? Books for the kids.
5:45 Speaker 01 And now they do it every year.
5:46 H. Foley? Big man, Hoagie Fest is big.
5:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:48 H. Foley? They started doing it when they brought back Woodstock in the, in the 90s.
5:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was for some big, I think it was with the, with the, with the race, the wall, the, the bike race.
5:57 H. Foley? Ah, I hated that thing. I was maybe tired just looking at it. It's a big race in Mannyunk, big fucking hills, a guy gotta ride up. Fuck that. I can't even walk around down there.
6:07 Speaker 01 But I hate to break it to you, you can't walk around a lot of places.
6:10 H. Foley? San Fran, poof, man. Tough town for me.
6:15 H. Foley? Anyway.
6:16 Speaker 01 What? I heard you got some-
6:17 H. Foley? Everybody, everybody's got some Philly thing like that.
6:20 Speaker 01 Sounds like you're jealous that I have one, that's all I'm saying.
6:23 H. Foley? My cousin was the one-
6:23 Speaker 01 Also, that's, you know, that deserved more. That's, that's, you're jealous. You're something.
6:29 H. Foley? That she maybe started, she didn't start Hoagie Fest.
6:32 Speaker 01 You want me to call her?
6:33 H. Foley? No.
6:34 Speaker 01 It's a little, it's a little, little, you know, you're my buddy. I thought you'd be a little more, "Oh, no way."
6:39 H. Foley? You gotta give me a little more than that. If she came up with the shorty or something like that, I'd give you that.
6:43 Speaker 01 Like you've ever ordered a shorty.
6:45 H. Foley? I used to, I was a big shorty man.
6:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, while you were waiting for your classic to be made.
6:51 Speaker 01 Hey, let me get a shorty now and I, as you're walking through the chip aisle.
6:57 Speaker 01 I gotta be honest, since we're talking Wawa, Wawa.
7:00 H. Foley? What?
7:00 Speaker 01 I had the, I had the Wawa egg bites today.
7:03 H. Foley? You did?
7:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:04 H. Foley? So that was your second time at a Wawa?
7:05 Speaker 01 That was my second time at a Wawa.
7:06 H. Foley? Oh, you didn't tell me that.
7:07 Speaker 01 I was at Wawa twice today.
7:09 H. Foley? That was my second time at a Wawa too. You don't think I stopped before I got on the road? Just pick you up? Fucking out there, picking you up. Saw the new whip though, huh?
7:20 Speaker 01 Saw the new whip. You met the baby.
7:21 H. Foley? I met the kid.
7:22 Speaker 01 You met, you met your boss.
7:23 H. Foley? I met the kid.
7:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:24 H. Foley? Immediately asking for a loan. A little bridge loan.
7:27 Speaker 01 Fucking turn around, tapping him on diaper, looking for cash. Alright, give it to me. Where'd your dad keep it?
7:32 H. Foley? Call it up.
7:34 H. Foley? Uh, I was down here at Patty's.
7:36 Speaker 01 Uh huh. So I've heard. She texted me.
7:39 H. Foley? Man, that whole operation is just falling apart.
7:42 Speaker 01 And what, what would you say your operation's going on?
7:44 H. Foley? Bad. Bad.
7:47 Speaker 01 I love how you're, you're talking about your elderly mom. Your widowed mom is holding it together.
7:52 H. Foley? She's still money with the stains though. I had her throw this in the other Carhartt and wash, fucking knock two, knock two olive oil stains out. Two seconds. I don't even think she pre-washed it.
8:01 Speaker 01 Olive oil?
8:02 H. Foley? Olive oil.
8:02 Speaker 01 What are you doing with it?
8:03 H. Foley? Gets all money-
8:04 Speaker 01 It's in every one of your shirts.
8:05 H. Foley? It's in, you know, dressings and sauces and stuff.
8:08 Speaker 01 No, it's sauces, not olive oil. You can't say that's olive oil.
8:10 H. Foley? It's an oil stain.
8:11 Speaker 01 It's, it's, it's a buffalo sauce stain that you're paying. Olive oil. Man, I give you enough rope to hang yourself. That'd be a lot of rope to-
8:19 H. Foley? That's red wine vinegar right there.
8:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, okay.
8:23 H. Foley? I have a couple of bad creatine stains on my shirt.
8:26 Speaker 01 I got, I got some honey in my shirt. Honey barbecue, what's this?
8:29 H. Foley? That's, that's what a stain is. It's the oil in whatever sauce it is.
8:32 Speaker 01 Okay, but if you-
8:33 H. Foley? Remoulade.
8:34 Speaker 01 No one's ever gone, I got-
8:36 H. Foley? It might be canola oil or peanut oil. I don't know what they use.
8:38 Speaker 01 Seed oil, man.
8:41 H. Foley? Oh, but it's not a seed oil. That's no good for you. That cottonseed oil, they use that in ancients.
8:46 Speaker 01 If there's been, if there's ever been an H. Foley, Foleyville Spin Zone, it's been going. She's got, she got some extra virgin olive oil stain, the good stuff out of my shirt.
8:56 H. Foley? Of course.
8:56 Speaker 01 Meanwhile, it's sauce stains.
8:59 H. Foley? It's sauce stains.
9:00 Speaker 01 Okay, it's not, it's not olive oil stains.
9:03 H. Foley? It is an olive oil stain.
9:04 Speaker 01 You don't know that? It's a sauce, you didn't-
9:06 H. Foley? It's an oil stain.
9:06 Speaker 01 When you were ordering the food, you didn't say, "I'll take a side of olive oil." You said, "I'll take a side of ranch, a juicer, a blue cheese."
9:17 Speaker 01 By the way, I don't think there's any olive oil or blue cheese.
9:19 H. Foley? Yeah, there is.
9:20 Speaker 01 The good stuff. Okay.
9:23 H. Foley? Man, shout out to From the Boot down there in Philly.
9:25 Speaker 01 Sure, we've, I mentioned my, my brother likes it.
9:27 H. Foley? They make a blue cheese dressing, fucking blow your hair back.
9:32 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
9:32 H. Foley? Delicious. Speaking of which, this is what I have to show you, speaking of Patty, that whole operation is, I, dude, I don't trust, I don't trust nothing in that kitchen. I'm telling you that right now. Listen, I love you, but I don't trust nothing.
9:46 Speaker 01 I gotta say, Denise has ants right now. That's how, that's how bad it's gotten.
9:50 H. Foley? Ants?
9:50 Speaker 01 She's got ants.
9:51 H. Foley? Who has ants? I'd rather have roaches than ants.
9:54 Speaker 01 That's wild.
9:55 H. Foley? Ants are organized.
9:57 Speaker 01 What do you think, roaches are fucking-
9:59 H. Foley? Ants have squatters rights. 20 days, that's their place.
10:04 Speaker 01 You think roaches are surviving atomic warfare without a little, uh, teamwork?
10:07 H. Foley? Nah, they don't know what's going, they're, they're all working on their own.
10:10 Speaker 01 You're nuts.
10:10 H. Foley? They're independent contractors.
10:11 Speaker 01 No.
10:12 H. Foley? I, I've never seen roaches in a line the way ants do, marching down with a picnic pass coming around.
10:16 Speaker 01 They're in a good neighborhood, yeah.
10:17 H. Foley? Um, anyway, I'm down there, uh, had a little business.
10:27 H. Foley? See a couple of people down here. So I call her up, uh, you know, so I'm coming through. You know, what's the, you know, what's the grub situation? We're not going out.
10:37 Speaker 01 It's the olive oil situation.
10:38 H. Foley? Yes. What's the grub situation? We're not going out no more. Normally I take her from the boot. We do fucking stuffed mushrooms. We do, we do the, uh, uh, the roasted chicken wings.
10:48 Speaker 01 And the sauces.
10:48 H. Foley? Which are the...
10:49 Speaker 01 You really shove roasted in there to healthify it. I don't know if you know you, that's a big, that's a big olive oil stain. We're roasted. We did the roasted...
10:57 H. Foley? Roasted garlic. Antimicrobial.
11:01 Speaker 01 Moisture wicking.
11:03 H. Foley? Anyway, we're not doing that this summer. We're fucking, we're tightening up the belt a little bit. I mean, I can't be fucking taking everybody out to dinner and all that shit.
11:10 Speaker 01 Sure.
11:10 H. Foley? All right?
11:11 Speaker 01 You're broke.
11:13 H. Foley? What?
11:15 Speaker 01 Just tell, tell the good folks out there. You got a bit of a...
11:18 H. Foley? I'm not broke.
11:19 Speaker 01 You got a bit of a spending problem. Not so much a saver, a big spender.
11:24 H. Foley? Anyway, it's not here nor there. Plus, you know...
11:27 Speaker 01 Well, I mean, you're telling them I can't...
11:29 H. Foley? A home-cooked, home-cooked meal is nice.
11:31 Speaker 01 Dude, you just said...
11:31 H. Foley? I'm overeating now.
11:32 Speaker 01 You just said you can't get wings from the boot. No one thinks... I can't be afforded, uh, roasted, nine roasted wings from, from the boot in Amblor. I'm not made of money.
11:43 H. Foley? It's two meals, too. Give you a lot. Um, so I'm like, what do you got, what do you got in the hopper? Usually it's bupkis, it's nothing. It's fucking, uh, like a, like a quarter, a quarter pound of, uh, chicken salad from McCaffrey's, which is delicious, but still, that's not a meal. Right? And some protein bread. That's what she's got.
12:04 Speaker 01 Those old bros love, like, an infused bread.
12:07 H. Foley? They love it.
12:07 Speaker 01 They love a fucking, they love, put some oats in there, put some reinforced calcium...
12:12 H. Foley? She's got more shit in there for the dog than fucking she does for me. I saw this bowl of dog...
12:16 Speaker 01 You don't live there, dude, and you're 50.
12:18 H. Foley? Fair enough.
12:19 Speaker 01 What do you mean? Yeah, the dog lives there.
12:22 H. Foley? You just saw this thing she rolled out for the dog this morning. It was like an acai bowl. Fucking chopped up chicken, blueberries, some kibble, some bacon, frozen blueberries. Looked delicious.
12:34 H. Foley? Got a bowl for the kid. Um, she does have a Tupperware of, uh, cooked bacon.
12:39 Speaker 01 Not anymore.
12:41 H. Foley? You ever just have cooked bacon in there? Nice.
12:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, I told you I went to a bar out in Astoria one time, classy joint.
12:47 H. Foley? Just said put out bacon?
12:48 Speaker 01 And they had ba- it was like a cocktail bar and they had, like, a, they had like a cocktail gla- like a rocks glass.
12:53 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
12:53 Speaker 01 With like, nice, not that shit bacon we would make. I'm talking like, thick cut, good, and just dri- it was just sitting there.
13:00 H. Foley? Are you sure it wasn't for, um, like Bloody Marys and stuff?
13:04 Speaker 01 Well, if it was.
13:06 H. Foley? Put that on my tab. Anyway, I'm like, what do you got in the hopper? Now, I'm about eighteen minutes away, according to the GPS. She's like, I got some meatballs from, uh, uh, Corpulies, shout out to them, delicious.
13:20 Speaker 01 Okay.
13:20 H. Foley? And some Cuddies. She got a couple of Cuddies that are leftover. Maybe like eight Cuddies, little ones. Couple of days too, they were a little chewy. Um, I'm like, throw that shit on.
13:32 Speaker 01 You're a bit of a bitch.
13:35 Speaker 01 You are. You'll complain about anything. Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth.
13:39 H. Foley? I ain't eating all day, I got this goddamn zep bound, I can't eat nothing.
13:42 Speaker 01 Taking your mother out to dinner, you're going, what do you got for me?
13:45 H. Foley? I'm not taking her out to dinner, she's had enough dinners.
13:48 Speaker 01 So have you.
13:49 H. Foley? I'm aware of that, that's why I'm trying to keep it tight and have something at the house. She made a salad, didn't touch that.
13:56 Speaker 01 Threw that out. Fed that to the dog, traded him up for his outside bowl, straight up. Dumb, dumb motherfucker didn't see it coming.
14:04 H. Foley? Fucking sliced bananas for a dog, what are we doing here? Anyway, she's got a couple of Cuddies.
14:09 Speaker 01 Okay.
14:10 H. Foley? Cold. She don't, she's, I don't want to heat them up, they'll dry out. You're fucking lazy, what are you talking about? Heat them up. Put a little water lollipop in the pan, you'll be alright. Um, and some meatballs.
14:21 Speaker 01 What kind of meatballs?
14:22 H. Foley? They're Corpulies.
14:23 Speaker 01 Okay.
14:24 H. Foley? Great.
14:26 H. Foley? Corporal East Norton, fantastic. They do catering, they do everything. That's where you get a tomato pie from.
14:32 Speaker 01 I know a tomato pie.
14:33 H. Foley? You don't, you don't know, you're not on that side of the, on that side of the world. You never had Corporal East tomato pie? Probably get it from like fucking Jenkentown or something like that.
14:41 Speaker 01 We were a Saint Tucci's family.
14:43 H. Foley? Oh, from down the city?
14:44 Speaker 01 Saint Tucci's.
14:45 H. Foley? Yeah, it's pretty good.
14:46 Speaker 01 My brother went to school to Saint Tucci's.
14:48 H. Foley? If you never had a tomato pie, let me tell you something. Do yourself a favor, it's really, really good. I would take that over the cheesesteak as the moniker cuisine, or food item of Philly.
15:00 Speaker 01 What do you mean you would take?
15:02 H. Foley? I would plant that flag before I'd plant the cheesesteak, to be honest with you.
15:06 Speaker 01 I don't understand, but you plant the flag. You like it better than a cheesesteak?
15:08 H. Foley? No, I'm not saying that. I'm nuts. I'm saying, if that was more of a representative of Philly food, I would be okay with it. Especially the burbs. I'm a burbs man.
15:20 Speaker 01 Okay. Like if you were down there on like December 13th?
15:26 H. Foley? Ah, I'd be down in December 13th doing a nice show over there at the Metropolitan.
15:30 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
15:30 H. Foley? Theater, the Met.
15:31 Speaker 01 Boys are coming home.
15:33 H. Foley? It's a big one.
15:34 Speaker 01 Boys come home.
15:34 H. Foley? Big one. Grab your tics. I don't want you left out in the cold. It's gonna be a bad winter, too.
15:41 H. Foley? Patty told me that. Um, anyway, this is the uh-
15:44 Speaker 01 The Bureau of Crazy has spoken.
15:46 H. Foley? This is the tray she hit me with, with the meatballs. Now, listen, hold on!
15:50 Speaker 01 I saw a glimpse, that ain't great.
15:53 H. Foley? Okay, go ahead. Let me tell you why. Blow that up a little bit, your fucking weird background.
15:59 Speaker 01 That's okay.
15:59 H. Foley? That's the pick? What the hell, Cor- there you go. A little piece of carrot there.
16:05 Speaker 01 Is she working at the hospital or something?
16:07 H. Foley? That's exactly what I said.
16:08 Speaker 01 That's wild.
16:09 H. Foley? A compartmentalized
16:12 H. Foley? Tupperware. I don't trust.
16:16 H. Foley? Yeah.
16:19 Speaker 01 What, how, what, can I ask the breakdown of?
16:21 H. Foley? They were all, it was all filled with meatballs.
16:23 Speaker 01 They were all, all three of them were meatballs?
16:25 H. Foley? Which I don't, why? That don't make no, why were they separated?
16:30 Speaker 01 I don't know. Gee, they, listen. I don't know. Was there ants in there? If not, she's doing better than the piece.
16:36 H. Foley? It bugged me out.
16:37 Speaker 01 Ah, fuck! I was down there and I forgot the bottle of DP.
16:40 H. Foley? Ah.
16:41 Speaker 01 Fuck, you gotta remind me, you gotta remind me.
16:43 H. Foley? I forgot the leg things for my mom too. She's freaking out.
16:45 Speaker 01 The leg things?
16:46 H. Foley? You know those leg things that blow up? Your leg sleeves for circulation?
16:51 Speaker 01 For athletes, or people who are dying.
16:53 H. Foley? Yeah, she had them for my dad, and then she gave them to me. I don't use them. She's, something about her knee or something like that. She wants them and I keep forgetting to bring them down.
17:01 Speaker 01 Okay.
17:02 H. Foley? And a t-shirt for her, uh, phys- therapist. Maybe I could do one of the new, yeah.
17:08 Speaker 01 You're giving away, you're giving away merch to your mom's physical therapist?
17:11 H. Foley? My mother asked for it.
17:12 Speaker 01 This broad's got cash, have her buy one. Meanwhile, I'm fucking, I'm sitting on.
17:16 H. Foley? Patty's not paid by, Patty's on the arm, what are you talking about? Fucking making her pay for nothing.
17:21 Speaker 01 I mean, this family, they get their hands in, they're like dicks. I'm about to fucking put on a flea collar, keep you off of me.
17:27 H. Foley? It's funny, she did remind me this morning over a cup of coffee and a couple of heaters her way. Um, out of nowhere, she's like, "So, do I still own 20% of RU Garbage?" And I'm like, "Who the fuck said that?"
17:39 Speaker 01 You probably sold it to her one night drunk for a heater. Hey, give me kills on that, I'll give you, I'll give you 40% of my share. That's 20% of the whole thing.
17:48 H. Foley? I said if something happens to me, I'm sure Kibby would do right by her.
17:50 Speaker 01 Stop telling people that! Do right by her! They're gonna have, they're gonna have all these dirtbags knocking at my door. Meanwhile, lizard, you know. You're all fucking leg machines at the moment, that ain't great.
18:01 H. Foley? I'm not on leg machines, I don't use them.
18:04 Speaker 01 You should, I will start using them.
18:05 H. Foley? I haven't had that in a while. My ankles don't swell up anymore.
18:08 Speaker 01 Stop telling people I'm gonna take care of you. There's documents set up for this.
18:14 H. Foley? Yeah.
18:15 Speaker 01 Then, that's not the thing.
18:17 H. Foley? I can take care of Patty?
18:18 Speaker 01 What do you mean, "take care of her"?
18:21 H. Foley? I'll see you in hell.
18:22 Speaker 01 Man, this is, dude, this is shaping up just to be like, the biggest fucking Judge Judy fight ever. I'd go down as one of Judge, me versus your whole family. They're all there with stacks of papers.
18:32 H. Foley? Kim, let's talk about Lucy.
18:33 Speaker 01 Shout out to Lucy, Lucy, Lucy.
18:35 H. Foley? You know Lucy, good friend of the show that Lucy, been with us for a long time. We're talking about 100% pure nicotine, always tobacco free. Lucy Breakers are nicotine pouches with a little extra surprise. Each pouch holds a capsule that has a little bit, when you break it open, got a little bit of extra flavor, a little hydration, which is good when you, you know, when you got it going on.
18:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:56 H. Foley? A little hydration.
18:57 Speaker 01 When you're out and about, bebopping, scatting, going from one place to the next, you need to stay hydrated, you need to stay with your little tobacco free. I take the tobacco, I go, get it out of here.
19:07 H. Foley? Get it out of here. So do yourself a favor, gang. Set yourself up with a subscription and have Lucy delivered straight to your door.
19:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to lucy.co/garbage, you know it. Use the promo code garbage, you get 20% off your first order. That ain't not a shake and stick, I'm talking 20% off your first order. Lucy has a 30 day refund policy if you change your mind, because they're good people. Again, that's lucy.co and use the code garbage, you get 20% off. And here comes the fine print, gang. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
19:42 H. Foley? Gang, summer is here, you gotta get yourself straightened out with a little Factor.
19:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:47 H. Foley? All right, you got a busy schedule, you're meeting people at the park, you're going out for drinks, you want to stay on top of eating good. Let me tell you something, those Factor meals, they are no joke, they are absolutely delicious. We're talking about fresh, never frozen, ready to eat meals in two minutes in the microwave. We love them. Another one, been with us for a long time, those Factor meals.
20:05 Speaker 01 Buddy, from your mouth to the big man's ears, you know what I mean?
20:10 H. Foley? So do yourself a favor, get over to Factor, get yourself straightened out. Plus they got the snacks now, they got the little in betweens, little breakfast, very, very nice.
20:17 Speaker 01 They have over 45 weekly menu options. You did not mis-hear that, that's 45 weekly menu options. You can pick gourmet meals, gourmet meals, that fit your summer gains and your goals. Choose from options like they got calorie smart, protein plus, keto and more. Whatever you're trying to do, they can help you, baby.
20:41 H. Foley? Hours your day, sunup to sundown with nutritious breakfast, on the go lunches, premium dinners, guilt free snacks and desserts. Factor has your whole day covered. Uh, and here's the turkey. Uh, get started at factormeals.com/garbage50off and use the code garbage50off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code garbage50off plus at factormeals.com/garbage50off for 50% off plus free shipping. Factormeals.com/garbage50off.
21:10 Speaker 01 Do it. Do it.
21:11 H. Foley? But look at that.
21:12 Speaker 01 Fucking bootleg merch.
21:13 H. Foley? Is that crazy?
21:14 Speaker 01 Um.
21:15 H. Foley? That's the kind of shit I'm talking. I don't, I'm not gonna sound like an asshole.
21:18 Speaker 01 You do.
21:18 H. Foley? But that's the kind of shit I'm talking about.
21:20 Speaker 01 Was there any pasta involved?
21:21 H. Foley? No.
21:22 Speaker 01 I would get down with pasta in one, you know, maybe the other. I'd get down if there was something to compartmentalize. It's just, it's an odd choice. You're telling me she didn't have a Cool Whip container or nothing over there?
21:35 H. Foley? I know. It's got a real, and not knocking it, but a real meals on wheels kind of vibe. I didn't like it. The meatballs are fantastic though.
21:42 Speaker 01 See like.
21:43 H. Foley? She heated them up on the stove instead of the microwave, which I appreciate that effort. She's starting to get back into the groove a little bit, I feel. You know what I mean?
21:51 Speaker 01 Patty.
21:52 H. Foley? Listen.
21:52 Speaker 01 Patty, bless your soul for putting up with him.
21:54 H. Foley? You think I sound like an asshole?
21:55 Speaker 01 No.
21:56 H. Foley? But that shit's important.
21:57 Speaker 01 What is?
21:58 H. Foley? That she's not fucking, you know, eating at gas stations every night or ordering fucking Boston Market. That she's cooking and making nutritious meals.
22:05 Speaker 01 Eating at gas stations?
22:06 H. Foley? That's what she does.
22:07 Speaker 01 What?
22:08 H. Foley? She gets like mac and cheese from like a gas station and brings it back to the house. Or she's doing, she's doing lobster and, or uh, she's doing lobster rolls in like the parking lot of a mall.
22:18 Speaker 01 Oh yeah, I remember we called her doing it.
22:19 H. Foley? Yeah. That she's cooking again a little bit, which is good.
22:24 Speaker 01 And you're, you're breaking her stones.
22:26 H. Foley? I mean, come on, man. A compartmentalized fucking Tupperware, that's the beginning of the end.
22:32 Speaker 01 Sure.
22:33 H. Foley? It's the beginning of the end. What's that? All meatballs, I don't, you don't trust that?
22:38 Speaker 01 I gotta be honest with you.
22:39 H. Foley? Three things of meatballs?
22:40 Speaker 01 That fork and that spoon don't match either.
22:43 H. Foley? No.
22:43 Speaker 01 They don't.
22:44 H. Foley? No.
22:44 Speaker 01 That fork is, that fork is from a cafeteria. That is a, that is a cafeteria fork. And that spoon's got detail that the fork don't have, okay? I'm gonna call it like I see it.
22:56 H. Foley? She's got two sets. That nice countertop, granite countertop.
22:59 Speaker 01 That's the, okay, yeah, it's nice.
23:03 H. Foley? Cluttered.
23:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, there's a bag. Yeah, I said that canvas tote, what's in there?
23:08 H. Foley? I don't know what that is right in front of that carrot either.
23:10 Speaker 01 It's trash.
23:11 H. Foley? It looks like a...
23:12 Speaker 01 Looks like a popsicle wrapper, if I'm being honest with you.
23:14 H. Foley? No, no, no, I mean, look inside the, the, the, the, the entree portion of the compartmentalized Tupperware.
23:21 Speaker 01 There's carrot in there.
23:22 H. Foley? You don't see that little piece of carrot right there?
23:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, you put carrot in sauce.
23:25 H. Foley? I'm aware of that, but what's that right in front of it? It looks like a piece of a Ritz cracker.
23:30 Speaker 01 Looks like a tooth.
23:30 H. Foley? Which I didn't have any. There's no Ritz.
23:34 Speaker 01 You eat Ritz in meatballs? Fuck, I mean, you guys, you, listen.
23:38 H. Foley? Squirrely bunch.
23:39 Speaker 01 Short leash with you guys. She's eating at gas stations.
23:42 H. Foley? Bad. Anyway. It's either here or there. I wanted to point that out. Patty, I love you, but, you know, come on.
23:49 Speaker 01 Does Patty listen to the program?
23:50 H. Foley? Sometimes.
23:51 Speaker 01 Really?
23:51 H. Foley? Yeah. Big Gerby's fan, she loves Gerby's.
23:54 Speaker 01 Does a guest on she likes?
23:55 H. Foley? Loves Gerby's.
23:56 Speaker 01 My mom wouldn't know...
23:57 H. Foley? He's so funny and adorable.
23:59 Speaker 01 Wouldn't know where to find the program.
24:01 H. Foley? Really?
24:01 Speaker 01 I don't think she would have...
24:03 H. Foley? Cash can have checks though, huh?
24:04 Speaker 01 The slightest clue.
24:06 H. Foley? Really?
24:07 Speaker 01 I mean, at one point, I remember when we, or we, me and you were on Larry the Cable Guy's Sirius XM show. She told me, "Oh, I listened to the podcast today." And I was like, I was like, "The one with fucking Louis J. Gomez, like whoever that gets?" I'm like, "What, you're a Louis fan?" She's like, "No, on Sirius XM. I sat in a, because she sat in a car in the, in the parking lot, listened to it." I was like, "That was Larry? Oh, thanks for listening. I just said, 'Thanks.'"
24:31 H. Foley? Patty's all over it. She keeps a very close eye on our activities.
24:35 Speaker 01 I don't think my mom's ever been on YouTube.
24:37 H. Foley? No kidding?
24:38 Speaker 01 Mm-mm. I mean, she's, she's...
24:39 H. Foley? Patty's got YouTube TV. Whoa. Yeah. She knows all about it. Discord.
24:45 Speaker 01 Nah.
24:46 H. Foley? Yeah.
24:47 Speaker 01 Only thing.
24:48 H. Foley? She streams on Twitch. Doing the laundry. Topless.
24:52 Speaker 01 Probably be pretty, I put, you know, just Patty in her house. Can we make up, we, listen, we have to diversify. Let's...
25:00 Speaker 01 You wanna set Patty up, take care of Patty. Let us just fucking rig the house.
25:04 H. Foley? Patty Cam?
25:05 Speaker 01 She can be like, uh, fucking Patty Sennett or whatever. Kai Sennett.
25:10 H. Foley? Who's that?
25:11 Speaker 01 He's like the biggest streamer. We can do the things where like, you know, you know how like, uh, Drewski and Kevin Hart go over and hang? It could be me and you. We come over and start dancing and shit.
25:22 H. Foley? Set off a bunch of fireworks.
25:23 Speaker 01 Got a bunch of rappers in there, whatever. Fucking smoking Roland Blunts and shit.
25:30 Speaker 01 I'mma get slapped.
25:31 H. Foley? I tell you what, man, that's a pretty good trio. Kevin Hart, Drewski.
25:35 Speaker 01 And Kai Sennett.
25:36 H. Foley? They're alright.
25:37 Speaker 01 Man, when they walked in, they walked, I was like, guys, it's just pure fun, those guys. When they, when they crash the stream and they come in, they start dancing all like, wanna, they move up the line and do a move. Why can't you do that? Hit the fucking nay-nay or something. Hit the stanky leg. I got a bad case of gang.
25:55 H. Foley? And drop it on you if you want.
25:56 Speaker 01 Back it up and dump it.
25:58 H. Foley? That's neither here nor there.
25:59 Speaker 01 That's all here and there, baby.
26:01 H. Foley? Let's talk about a little family episode, gang. As you know, when you, uh, when you sign up for the old Patreon, which is cooking, by the way. Goddamn.
26:08 Speaker 01 All time, uh, listen, we are closing in on...
26:12 H. Foley? We're ready to make a fucking move.
26:14 Speaker 01 On the what?
26:15 H. Foley? I don't know. We got the numbers.
26:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, we do, I mean, the boys are...
26:18 H. Foley? Got the fucking numbers.
26:19 Speaker 01 The boys got an army behind them and shout out to the homies and the fucking boots on the ground, the shareholders. We love yous. Also, can't lie, shout out to the bozos, we love ya. Just as much, not just as much, we love ya. We love everybody.
26:33 H. Foley? We love y'all. Changes our lives and we love yous.
26:35 Speaker 01 Yes. Um, also, merch available now while limited supply, might be out by the time, uh, this comes out next week. Uh, but get your merch while supplies last.
26:46 H. Foley? Big boys are loving those, uh, that Uncle Hank's hot dog shirts, huh?
26:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's pretty funny, so we have, uh, Kip, you know, I have my King of the Boar, uh, King of the Burbs Home Improvement. Uh, Foley's got his hot dog, uh, Hank's Hot Dogs, right?
26:58 H. Foley? Mm-hmm. Uncle Hank's Hot Dogs.
27:00 Speaker 01 Uncle Hank's Hot Dogs, and the Uncle Hank's Hot Dogs sell, sold out of 4X pretty quick. The big boys, the big boys got a role model that they like.
27:08 H. Foley? Shout out to the big boys out there.
27:10 Speaker 01 Kippe's King of the Burbs hasn't sold any 4X just yet, we're tight little, we're tight little bodies over here, kids down 30, how you doing?
27:16 H. Foley? It's big boy summer, dog. Big Boy Summer. You gotta have a t-shirt to wear at the pool.
27:22 Speaker 01 I was thinking I might do just cut-off sleeves. It's hot. That heatwave that hit like two weeks ago.
27:28 H. Foley? You don't cut the arms for that. Your arms are too normal. Let me say that. Mine are fat enough and gross enough where I could do sleeveless.
27:37 Speaker 01 He can spin anything. He can spin anything.
27:39 H. Foley? You don't understand what I'm saying?
27:40 Speaker 01 Your ego can spin anything to feel good about yourself.
27:42 H. Foley? Roll up your sleeves, let me see. Get that mole looked at first. Where you do anything.
27:47 Speaker 01 I got a couple of them.
27:48 H. Foley? You got a hair growing out of that one. Damn, Nana. That's gross.
27:52 Speaker 01 Buddy, you have skin tags on your eyeballs.
27:54 H. Foley? I know.
27:55 Speaker 01 So who are you calling gross?
27:56 H. Foley? I'm about to get them whacked off.
27:58 Speaker 01 Flip them over and check out how to wash you on that thing. Skin tag?
28:03 H. Foley? Pretty good.
28:03 Speaker 01 Alright, whatever. Let's quit screwing around here.
28:06 H. Foley? I'm going to Dr. Chocody and getting these taken off, though.
28:09 Speaker 01 Okay, you're not.
28:10 H. Foley? Yes, I am.
28:10 Speaker 01 No, you're not.
28:11 H. Foley? Yes, I am. I go to him every six months. I like the dermatologist.
28:15 Speaker 01 Those things have been on you for more than six months.
28:17 H. Foley? No, they haven't.
28:19 Speaker 01 Okay. Spin the folie though.
28:20 H. Foley? Cause I cut the other ones off with a toenail clipper.
28:23 Speaker 01 You are...
28:23 H. Foley? You don't want to hear that, did you?
28:24 Speaker 01 Charles Agrody.
28:27 H. Foley? Just watch Midnight Run. Still holds up.
28:29 Speaker 01 Alright, let's get into it. As you know, when you join the Patreon, we will answer your garbage question. Oh, and the phones are not lighting up.
28:39 H. Foley? Disconnected.
28:40 Speaker 01 This one's from Chubrub. First time, long time. This is an abbreviation. You know, they hit you with the FTLT. First time, long time, tend to our home. They have all their, you know, they have all of their own vernacular over there on the podcast. This one I've never seen. IIG.
28:56 H. Foley? IIG.
28:57 Speaker 01 Is it garbage?
28:58 H. Foley? Ah, that's great.
28:59 Speaker 01 It's not bad.
29:00 H. Foley? Is it garbage?
29:01 Speaker 01 Five years. The homies are still innovating over there.
29:02 H. Foley? IIG.
29:03 Speaker 01 IIG. Is it garbage if your aunt asks if it's cool to leave her car parked in your driveway while she serves a six-month bid?
29:12 H. Foley? Damn. Man. You gotta have a safe place to park the car, though.
29:16 Speaker 01 That should come with, you can use it while I'm out.
29:19 H. Foley? I'm sure.
29:19 Speaker 01 That comes with, you know, just, you know, make sure the oil's changed. Rotate the, you know, keep it, turn it on.
29:29 Speaker 01 But that would be, I think.
29:30 H. Foley? That's not a Lexus, tell you that.
29:32 Speaker 01 It could be, it could be like a.
29:34 H. Foley? It could be white collar.
29:34 Speaker 01 White collar. I don't know, or she could be fucking moving weight. Then you don't wanna be driving it. You get pinchers, you got a handgun in the back or something you don't know about.
29:41 H. Foley? Or the ops catch you.
29:43 Speaker 01 There was a time when a family member of mine would borrow our cars and, you know, you would. You'd take a hard right and a, a, a rolling rock bottle would slide out from under the passenger seat and like, alright, well, fucking, you know. Hey, gotta, gotta keep him on a short leash.
30:02 H. Foley? Rolling rock bottle and an empty clip? Jesus Christ.
30:05 Speaker 01 That'll knock them banks over?
30:06 H. Foley? Nah, I, I, I respect that move. You gotta leave the car with somebody you trust, you know what I mean?
30:11 Speaker 01 Solid dirtbag move. Hey, listen, I'm jammed the F up. Help me out here.
30:16 H. Foley? Back that into.
30:16 Speaker 01 Also, your aunt's serving a six month piece.
30:19 H. Foley? Whatever. You back that in too, because bills could start falling by the wayside over that six months. And the repo man might be.
30:27 Speaker 01 But I've seen in videos, they pick them, they don't, they, they, they're putting it in the back was prior to like.
30:34 H. Foley? I know, but having the license plate sticking in the back, I think is better.
30:38 Speaker 01 Sure, I'll give it to you.
30:39 H. Foley? And throw a cover on that. That's got a cover on it. That should have a cover on it.
30:43 Speaker 01 Sure.
30:43 H. Foley? It's been right in front of the garage, have a cover on it, for sure.
30:47 Speaker 01 Covers are really trashy or really classy.
30:50 H. Foley? I've never seen a nice one.
30:52 Speaker 01 Of like a nice car, yeah, if you're covering a nice car, they keep, they don't like, bad ones are like, they're covered and there's like a pile of leaves and rainwater stains and it's ripped and like the antennas sticking through. Nice ones are like, you have on like a Porsche or whatever.
31:05 H. Foley? They just make me think of above ground pool covers, which are never, ever, ever look good. They never look good. Ours always fucking comes apart in the middle of the winter. You see that cold, dark water right there.
31:18 Speaker 01 What, that's a, I ain't messing with that in February, I'll tell you that much. That's an April job. I'll deal with the dad balls later.
31:25 H. Foley? You don't go near that thing.
31:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:28 H. Foley? I think Patty had a frog in the house the other night, too.
31:30 Speaker 01 I saw a frog jumping across the street, not too... Frogs are back. You said that we were low on frogs. But I was out in the burbs.
31:36 H. Foley? I was right.
31:37 Speaker 01 I was out in the burbs. I even said it. I said it out loud to Nadine. We were out in the burbs. It was after a fucking storm. That heat, that bad heat two weeks ago, whatever, and then that broke. And it rained, and I walked outside.
31:48 H. Foley? There's been a couple of them.
31:49 Speaker 01 Nice summer night, and I went, "This is frog. This is a froggy night."
31:53 H. Foley? If they're gonna come out, they're coming out now.
31:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, everything's wet and dewy. It's cold. They're coming out to soak up some... soak up some suds.
31:59 H. Foley? I don't know what it is.
32:00 Speaker 01 Frogs are back!
32:01 H. Foley? They like the moisture. Gets in their skin.
32:03 Speaker 01 Amphibians.
32:04 H. Foley? Amphibians. Scary.
32:06 Speaker 01 Thanks.
32:08 H. Foley? Are they cold-blooded?
32:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
32:11 H. Foley? Amphibians are cold-blooded?
32:11 Speaker 01 I don't know. What's the Dempsey Group say about that? "Your trash is our trust fund." I mean, the amount of money we spent on his corner seems crazy.
32:21 Speaker 03 Frogs are indeed cold-blooded.
32:22 H. Foley? Cold-blooded. Which, what does that exactly mean? They don't heat up?
32:25 Speaker 03 Have you ever met my grandfather?
32:28 Speaker 01 He was a cold man.
32:31 Speaker 01 Cold, cold man. Have you ever met Patty Foley?
32:35 H. Foley? Patty's not cold-blooded. No. She's a sweetheart.
32:39 Speaker 03 Uh, they cannot produce much internal heat and cannot maintain a constant body temperature.
32:45 H. Foley? Man, that weird. You'd think they would've died off. That's crazy.
32:49 Speaker 01 I mean, I don't... There's crazier stuff to me than frogs are cold-blooded.
32:55 H. Foley? No? Alright.
32:59 H. Foley? Wacky life.
33:00 Speaker 01 This guy's walking around with a goddamn fucking chill on all day.
33:04 H. Foley? Living on the edge, yeah.
33:04 Speaker 01 He could've scored for something. Uh, did you ever see when they... uh, okay.
33:08 H. Foley? People putting... people putting mayonnaise on breakfast sandwiches. No? Alright, fair enough. You don't think that's weird?
33:15 Speaker 01 What?
33:16 H. Foley? People put mayonnaise on breakfast sandwiches. I like it.
33:18 Speaker 01 No. Why, you? Hoagie Fest Hank? No way.
33:23 H. Foley? Hoagie Fest Hank. I got a little item over there at, uh, at Wawa, not to bring it up again, but they have the sizzly...
33:30 Speaker 01 Talk about keeping it tight over here.
33:32 H. Foley? They have the sizzly. The sizzly club. Bacon, lettuce, tomato, mayo, with the egg and the cheese, and a little bit of ham underneath.
33:40 Speaker 01 How's that?
33:41 H. Foley? Good.
33:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, fucking.
33:46 H. Foley? Real good.
33:47 Speaker 01 Alright, it's your world. Um...
33:51 H. Foley? Alright frog boy.
33:53 Speaker 01 Read it.
33:56 H. Foley? Have you ever had frog, frog legs?
33:58 Speaker 01 I used to have frogs as pets many a times.
34:01 H. Foley? Sure.
34:01 Speaker 01 Uh, have I ever had frog leg, frog legs? No.
34:04 H. Foley? No. Used to serve them at the Blue Bell Inn.
34:06 Speaker 01 I had snails once.
34:08 H. Foley? Escargot.
34:09 Speaker 01 Not a fan.
34:10 H. Foley? You ever had snapping turtle soup?
34:12 Speaker 01 Uh, uh.
34:13 H. Foley? It's pretty good.
34:14 Speaker 01 We found, I remember my uncle found one in a sea isle.
34:17 H. Foley? I don't trust those fuckers.
34:18 Speaker 01 It rained heavy and this thing came out, this thing. He lo, he looked like Jurassic Park, big old mouth on him.
34:25 H. Foley? Nah, I'm shooting first, I don't like...
34:26 Speaker 01 My uncle had it like he was fucking...
34:28 H. Foley? I hate when that's crazy.
34:29 Speaker 01 Steve Irwin. I gotta go release it in the bay. I said, "You'll probably fucking swim in a bay jerk off." "I gotta come take my peter off."
34:38 Speaker 01 Fucking, release it in the bay.
34:40 H. Foley? Throw it in the fucking dumpster, get out of here.
34:41 Speaker 01 Put it in the sewer or something. Take him out to the Pine Barrens.
34:45 H. Foley? Snap, I remember becoming aware of those as a kid, being like, "What? No." Saw one for the first time, they're like a fucking...
34:51 Speaker 01 They sit there with their mouth open, waiting for your fucking tootsies to come floating along.
34:57 H. Foley? God, that'd get ya.
34:58 Speaker 01 That and snakes. Whoo, serpents lurk. No thank you. I used to go tubing as kids. Fucking run the serpent waters. Not too deep, not too shallow, that's where they get ya.
35:10 H. Foley? Yeah, perfect.
35:12 Speaker 01 You hit a patch of cold water, yikes. Hopefully my pee pee's keeping them away. Man, they come at ya, dancing on the water, head out and stuff. Like them goddamn monitor lizards. Don't get me started on the monitors.
35:27 Speaker 01 Alright, uh...
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36:25 Speaker 01 This one's from Young No. $10 homie, never had one read. Have you ever worn a Hooters t-shirt in your family's Christmas card? Tough picture.
36:33 H. Foley? What?
36:33 Speaker 01 There I am, 15 years old, in my oversized jorts and Hooters University t-shirt. At least you're a goddamn scholar, wishing everybody we know a Merry Christmas.
36:44 H. Foley? We missed that. My dad never... It's funny, talking to people, a lot of dudes say that that was like a rite of passage, like their dad or their uncle taking them to Hooters for like lunch.
36:57 Speaker 01 We went once, as like kind of a bit with my brother's soccer team. It was like, we had like 50 kids or whatever. I remember there was all the dads. It was like between... It was like a fucking...
37:07 H. Foley? That shit would not fly.
37:08 Speaker 01 Memorial Day. I mean, none of the moms went. It was like four dads.
37:12 H. Foley? Couple more working there.
37:13 Speaker 01 Cheryl!
37:16 H. Foley? Friends and family.
37:17 Speaker 01 And I remember my dad even being like, "This ain't... Why, we'll go, but this is like not our cup of...
37:23 H. Foley? Guys used to close an ass.
37:25 Speaker 01 There's also... And we were more of like, "Let's go to the corner bar and hit on the bartender."
37:29 H. Foley? Sure.
37:29 Speaker 01 You know what I mean? She'd keep me fucking...
37:30 H. Foley? Wings are cheaper.
37:31 Speaker 01 She'd keep me eating fucking wild cherry kooks and chicken fingers while my dad, you know, sat there with a couple of Michelob's.
37:40 H. Foley? Who's your buddy?
37:42 Speaker 01 Who's your bald friend here?
37:44 H. Foley? My boy from the Navy.
37:46 Speaker 01 He don't talk much. That boy's a little bit of a shell-shocked.
37:50 H. Foley? Agent Orange. Got him good.
37:54 Speaker 01 Snappy Turtle took his pee pee right off.
37:58 H. Foley? He looks young, but old at the same time.
38:03 Speaker 01 At degreaser is no good for ya. At ether will get to ya.
38:08 Speaker 01 Working in the engine room, long days, long hours.
38:16 Speaker 01 I'm over there playing erotic photo hunt.
38:20 Speaker 01 Which me and Skinny Vinny, and Vinny with the skinny and Pat, used to play for way too long at the Holland pub. At way too old of an age. Over there fucking chugging out some ton tons. You like that? Y'all like that? Creep. Watching anime porn, you freak. Man, shout out to just a good old fashioned, small town, public house. Ain't nothing wrong with it. Stack of quarters on the, stack of quarters on the pool table. We have not had a good drunk in a long time. I've been off the, I had two beers last night at dinner. Which I gotta tell ya, I had fucking, I'm just, I'm a dirtbag. I go out to dinner, right? First night.
39:06 Speaker 01 First night out with the broad. My in-laws are in town, baby's sleeping. We've been in this shit. They go, "Why don't you guys go get a quick bite out?" You know what I mean? Meanwhile, we're fucking, I'm dragging myself across, I'm tired as shit.
39:22 Speaker 01 We sit down at the bar, nice joint. My wife gets, uh... My wife gets a fucking... Mocktail. She does get a peach mock, probably had a nice bar program. Uh, peach with cinnamon on it, nice mocktail. She likes those expensive mocktails. That wife of yours. I know. Jesus Christ. They're like sixteen bucks a clip for juices. It's like, dude, first of all, it's all like... Fucking get a Capri Sun for fifty-eight cents. Put a little fucking vodka in there or something. It's like, do all the mixing, these people, right? They mix it up, they half a pear juice, half a simple syrup, half a fucking Moroccan... It's all bullshit. And then they dump it in the rocks glass, and it fills up half the rocks glass, then they hit that with tonic. I go, "Eh, paying for mostly tonic here." But, my baby wants, my baby gets.
40:08 Speaker 01 So to offset that price, I'm doing yingling bottles.
40:13 H. Foley? Wholesale.
40:15 Speaker 01 They were $2.50 each.
40:17 H. Foley? Were they?
40:18 Speaker 01 I think so, yeah.
40:19 H. Foley? $2.50? Wow. Sounds like a real nice town you live in.
40:23 Speaker 01 Nice joint. And, uh...
40:26 H. Foley? $2.50? What the fuck?
40:27 Speaker 01 Local brewery.
40:28 H. Foley? What are you, a VW?
40:29 Speaker 01 I don't know what they were. VW? What are you, a Volkswagen Bug? At the Elks? Uh, shout out to the Elks. Big fan. I wanna be a member. I guess my...
40:40 H. Foley? Guy like you?
40:42 H. Foley? No.
40:42 Speaker 01 What do you mean?
40:43 H. Foley? One down the shore is apparently really nice.
40:45 Speaker 01 Oh, we're fucking... We're members.
40:47 H. Foley? Oh, you are?
40:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:48 H. Foley? What are you bitching about?
40:49 Speaker 01 I wanna be a member there. My stepdad died. He can't sign for me anymore. B. Kells, shut up, B. Kells. He's a fan and a homie. Connor's brother, he got in.
40:57 H. Foley? I know a guy...
40:58 Speaker 01 My uncle Mike's in. I gotta get in there.
40:59 H. Foley? I know a guy that can get us in the Elks.
41:01 Speaker 01 I can, I mean, I can...
41:02 H. Foley? Get us in the one down in, um, was it Margate?
41:05 Speaker 01 Marg...
41:05 H. Foley? No, I'm sorry, Brigantine.
41:06 Speaker 01 Brigantine?
41:07 H. Foley? It's apparently really nice.
41:08 Speaker 01 Are you even... Yeah, who... Brigantine? That's for hoagie...
41:12 H. Foley? Pull it right up?
41:12 Speaker 01 Word, North Wildwood.
41:13 H. Foley? Is there one in North Wildwood?
41:15 Speaker 01 It's like the biggest ones in North Wildwood. They just dumped a bunch of money in there.
41:17 H. Foley? All right, relax.
41:19 Speaker 01 Bring, get me to go to Margate and Brigantine.
41:21 H. Foley? Whatever.
41:22 Speaker 01 Not whatever. This is a hoagie fest all over again.
41:24 H. Foley? Guys looking for the cheap beers.
41:26 Speaker 01 Um... What was I saying? I ordered...
41:30 H. Foley? Something stupid?
41:31 Speaker 01 I'm just a dirtbag. My wife orders the fucking filet mignon.
41:34 H. Foley? Really?
41:35 Speaker 01 Real nice. Real nice.
41:36 H. Foley? On a Tuesday, huh?
41:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
41:38 H. Foley? Look at that.
41:39 Speaker 01 First night out in 35 nights or something like that.
41:41 H. Foley? Still.
41:41 Speaker 01 What do you mean, still? She earned it. Hey, she's the only reason we're... Our fat asses are sitting here.
41:46 H. Foley? Well, that's a skirt steak night, as far as I'm concerned.
41:49 Speaker 01 We haven't been out in a long time. We've been eating...
41:50 H. Foley? Old chimichurri.
41:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, we've been eating fucking... I mean, her dad's cooking, but, uh, you know, just been fucking...
41:56 H. Foley? Yeah, we're in it.
41:56 Speaker 01 Um...
42:00 Speaker 01 I ordered... I got an appetizer.
42:02 H. Foley? Cheese steak egg rolls.
42:03 Speaker 01 Cheese steak egg rolls.
42:05 H. Foley? Man, if I ever wanted to poison you.
42:08 Speaker 01 Put them on a menu.
42:09 H. Foley? You kidding me?
42:11 Speaker 01 What do you think I got for an entree?
42:15 H. Foley? Chicken Parmesan.
42:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, he did. It was good though. They did it nice. This place is a little fancy. There were two jumbo chicken, or two jumbo cheesesteak egg rolls, cut in half.
42:27 H. Foley? Cut in half or cut diagonal?
42:29 Speaker 01 In half.
42:29 H. Foley? I hate the diagonal cut.
42:31 Speaker 01 I know you do. I like it. It's good for dipping.
42:34 H. Foley? It's like something from the, it's like with the, they sliced the brain.
42:35 Speaker 01 Maybe if you, maybe if you sliced them diagonal, you wouldn't get all that olive oil on your shirt. Just saying. Um.
42:43 Speaker 01 It was a little foodful, a little fancy. They sliced them in half, straight, turned them all upside down so they were open, like, you know, they were in like a cluster, like a pack of batteries. You know what I mean?
42:55 H. Foley? Wait, is the open part sticking up or down?
42:57 Speaker 01 Open part's up.
42:58 H. Foley? Alright, good.
42:59 Speaker 01 Uh, a little bit, a little bit of, some green garnish that I flicked out of the way.
43:06 H. Foley? They gotta stop with that.
43:07 Speaker 01 But, it was in, there was cheese in there, obviously cheesesteak, cheese and steak chopped up in there real nice. Usually some, a ribeye and a Cooper Sharp or something like this, you know.
43:17 H. Foley? That Cooper Sharp.
43:17 Speaker 01 But then they had its, it was sitting like a, you know those like shallow bowls, kind of?
43:22 H. Foley? Yeah.
43:22 Speaker 01 You know what I mean? Like a plate bowl, like a, like a deep plate?
43:25 H. Foley? Yeah.
43:25 Speaker 01 Um, and it was sitting in like a cheese sauce, not like a, not like a cheese.
43:32 H. Foley? Bechameli?
43:34 Speaker 01 I don't know what it was. It was cheese sauce, I'm calling it.
43:37 H. Foley? Okay.
43:37 Speaker 01 It's the extent you're gonna get from it.
43:39 H. Foley? Was it lighter?
43:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's a cheese sauce.
43:41 H. Foley? So it's a bechamel, it's a cream sauce.
43:43 Speaker 01 Listen, you and your, you and your French friends in Brigantine and Morgue can do whatever you want.
43:47 H. Foley? You're not talking about.
43:48 Speaker 01 I'm doing a cheese sauce with a 250 yinger, alright? Hit me. Uh, and I tell ya, a little bit of, I mulch these things.
43:57 H. Foley? Little bit of.
43:58 Speaker 01 A little bit of ketchup on there too, makes it in, make a fancy sauce.
44:04 H. Foley? And then a chicken parmigiana to wash that down.
44:06 Speaker 01 Uh-huh, I only did one, one, one of, I only did one of the, one of the chickies.
44:10 H. Foley? Take that home?
44:11 Speaker 01 Took it home.
44:11 H. Foley? Sure you did.
44:12 Speaker 01 Side of pasta, had it for breakfast this morning.
44:14 H. Foley? Is that true?
44:15 Speaker 01 On my way to Wawa.
44:17 H. Foley? Is it sitting there at the house?
44:19 Speaker 01 It's at the house. I'm gonna have it tonight when I get home.
44:21 H. Foley? Hope they throw it out on you.
44:22 Speaker 01 What? You fucking piece of shit. Just a bad person. Hope they throw it out. But they did something. I thought it was gonna be one of those heavy, deep, dark, extra fried cutties, which I love.
44:38 H. Foley? Sure.
44:39 Speaker 01 But a real light, light color, light breading, a little bit like a lemon or something in there. I didn't know where the hell I might have, I might as well been at fucking Buckingham Palace, I'll tell you that one.
44:50 H. Foley? What's that, basil?
44:52 Speaker 01 Leaning Tower of Pisa.
44:54 H. Foley? I get basil and mint mixed up so many times.
44:56 Speaker 01 Oh, I gotta, if I'm buying a lot of times, I know it, but when they're with all the other stuff, I gotta Google.
45:03 H. Foley? It's all grass.
45:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's, it's all weed.
45:05 H. Foley? Except for rosemary.
45:06 Speaker 01 That you can snipe. And thyme, I don't mess with that.
45:10 H. Foley? I like thyme.
45:11 Speaker 01 I don't have it. Um, but yeah, I mean, I just think as I was-
45:15 H. Foley? Rosemary's like eating pine needles.
45:17 Speaker 01 As, yeah.
45:18 H. Foley? Like eating Christmas.
45:19 Speaker 01 As I was ordering it, I was like, uh, man, I'm sitting here at the bar at this joint. The Phil's game was on. I got a yinger going. I got cheesesteak egg rolls on the way. What a chicken parm. What?
45:33 H. Foley? You got a, you got, you have a, you have a yingling in ya? Have you finished the first yingling?
45:38 Speaker 01 At what point? But when the cheesesteak egg rolls hit?
45:40 H. Foley? Having this moment?
45:41 Speaker 01 Hmm, it was when I was ordering. It was like, am I really gonna, is this gonna be my complete order is yingling, chicken parm and cheesesteak egg rolls?
45:49 H. Foley? That's alright.
45:49 Speaker 01 And it was.
45:50 H. Foley? Cause there is a moment in a restaurant or a bar where you have that one drink in ya, and you just ordered and you're sitting there and it's like, it's perfect.
45:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was nice.
45:59 H. Foley? Then it usually goes south after like the 15th yingling.
46:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, that'll do.
46:03 H. Foley? And you're on the phone and, you know where that ends up.
46:06 Speaker 01 Sure. Getting asked to leave. Credit card's not going through.
46:09 H. Foley? What?
46:11 Speaker 01 Uh, alright, let's see here. Um, this one's just pretty bonkers. Um, this is from Wolfie, $10 homie, never had one read. Are you garbage if you break? I'm sorry. Are you garbage if you bake cookie dough in a spoon over a can? Candle because there's a power outage and there's nothing left in the fridge because the paycheck hits tomorrow. By the way, it was surprisingly good.
46:35 H. Foley? I imagine it would be.
46:36 Speaker 01 I gotta give you that. That's...
46:38 H. Foley? I imagine it would be. There's no difference between that and some uh foo-foo thing that they sell at Williams Sonoma to make homemade smores. Cause we have one of those. And you know what the heat source is? It's alcohol, straight rubbing alcohol. You pour alcohol in this little thing and it heats and it sets on fire. You make little smores. There's nothing different than that.
46:59 Speaker 01 I mean, if it's a scented candle, I'm sure it's a little different.
47:02 H. Foley? Of course.
47:02 Speaker 01 Yeah. I mean, there's no power. That's a little different.
47:05 H. Foley? As Stormy said.
47:06 Speaker 01 I understand. I was just saying, there's for sure differences.
47:09 H. Foley? Rolling brownouts. What are you talking about?
47:11 Speaker 01 Uh, but I'll give it to you. I think it's ingenuity. I think if you're sitting there, power's out, you ain't got much going on, you go, eh, can we spruce this up a little bit?
47:18 H. Foley? I respect it.
47:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'm with that. That's alright. There you go. Next, if your power, plus you gotta get rid of whatever's in that fridge. You gotta, you gotta move quick.
47:26 H. Foley? Quick. Don't open that fridge!
47:27 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
47:28 H. Foley? Man, remember that when the power was out? You touch the fridge, they freak out on you.
47:32 Speaker 01 I remember being at my aunt's in fucking uh Sea Isle. Um...
47:36 H. Foley? That and being on the phone during a lightning storm.
47:38 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
47:39 H. Foley? What the fuck?
47:40 Speaker 01 Being in the tub. It'd get you through the window.
47:44 H. Foley? You're a sharpshooter, huh?
47:46 Speaker 01 I mean, if it gets me through the window, God's got it out for me. I ain't fucking, I ain't doing no Final Destination.
47:51 H. Foley? You think you're lit up in the tub?
47:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, fucking, that's my, that's my time, baby. Punch me out. Um, dude, I remember we were fucking, we used to have the, I told you, we used to have these big luos. My Aunt Patty and Uncle John have a house in Sea Isle and it was one of those big, old, fucking asphalt chain, like big, old houses.
48:15 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
48:15 Speaker 01 Relatively dilapidated towards the end. Um, then they did the thing where like they obviously bought it for cheap when they could afford, when Sea Isle wasn't expensive or nice, really. They bought it, held on to it for, I mean, they had it for 30 years and then sold half of it and built the side by side. They, you know, they get a free house.
48:36 H. Foley? Sure.
48:36 Speaker 01 A new free house and then someone else buys the one next door. But we would have these luas where, I mean, no central, I mean, it was just like...
48:44 H. Foley? When you say luau...
48:46 Speaker 01 I'm talking topless broads.
48:48 H. Foley? Is there, is it a Hawaiian theme? Like, is there, like, the cheap lays and all that stuff?
48:53 Speaker 01 We're talking cheap lays, we're talking like, you know...
48:55 H. Foley? Tiki torches or whatever?
48:56 Speaker 01 Tiki torches, we're talking like a...
48:58 H. Foley? Cold pig?
48:58 Speaker 01 No. No. Pool, like kiddie pool full of beers.
49:03 H. Foley? That's pretty cute.
49:04 Speaker 01 Some like, uh, that was the coolest, I remember the one year we had a fondue fountain. I mean, but it was like fucking 102 degrees, I'm sitting there eating hot chocolate, dude. I'm dipping, I'm dipping everything in there. Um...
49:18 H. Foley? It's all over your shirt.
49:20 Speaker 01 And Denise's boy's really growing up, huh?
49:24 Speaker 01 Covered in chocolate. Like that kid covered, you ever see that little kid covered in peanut butter? Covers his little brother in peanut butter.
49:30 H. Foley? You probably could've figured that out for the life of you.
49:32 Speaker 01 Oh, dude.
49:32 H. Foley? Where that chocolate was coming from. You're looking at the cord.
49:35 Speaker 01 I remember being under the table going, "What in the hell is this?" I swear to God, I remember it. Like, as clear as day, looking under the table.
49:44 H. Foley? Some kind of Einstein Rosen bridge.
49:46 Speaker 01 I was just being like, "Where the hell did these mother..." Dude, it was, it looked like the Stanley Cup, it was all, it was all stainless steel. Woo! Man, after a while, it's starting to get too thick. Crumbs and stuff, jam up them holes.
50:02 Speaker 01 Get your finger out of there, they're yelling at me. Sad bastard.
50:08 Speaker 01 But, uh... They were putting too much, so like, obviously when you're having a party like that for like 100 people or whatever...
50:17 Speaker 01 It was, I have the picture, maybe we can drop it, I have the picture of me, all of us with the laser on, blowing out a cake. And you saw it and said, "It looks like I'm blowing, it looks like I'm, it looks like, it's meatloaf." It looks like I'm blowing out candles in a meatloaf.
50:34 Speaker 01 But I remember they were, they were putting too much warm stuff in the fridge. And it was so hot in the kitchen, and no central air, so hot in the kitchen.
50:43 H. Foley? That's food poisoning city.
50:45 Speaker 01 And we, all the kids-
50:47 H. Foley? That's how you end up at Shore Memorial.
50:49 Speaker 01 Man, you end, you end up at Shore Memorial, or jam the fuck-
50:52 H. Foley? I've been there multiple times.
50:53 Speaker 01 Get him out, get him, get him back to the city!
50:56 H. Foley? Dude, I'd rather be at a fucking-
50:57 Speaker 01 He's at Shore Memorial.
50:59 H. Foley? I'd rather be at a hospital in Bangkok, that's a fucking rough spot over there. Some fucking lifeguard slash bartenders, head surgeon, fuck that. It's actually wonderful.
51:11 Speaker 01 It's, yeah, it's, wait, my grandparents lived in Seaville, uh, so they, you know, as they got older and got sicker, they were in and out of Shore, we'd go, they'd have to go down to Shore Memorial a lot. But if anything happened, I remember my brother's appendix burst down at Shore.
51:25 H. Foley? That's crazy.
51:27 Speaker 01 And he ended up at Shore Memorial, and I remember my mom going, "Get him the fuck out of Shore Memorial."
51:33 H. Foley? Get him a Lakenall, Lakenall. Big hospital, for the, get him a Lakenall.
51:38 Speaker 01 No, it was always, "Get him to Pan, get him at least, get him to Jefferson at least," like, I was slumming it.
51:42 H. Foley? Yeah.
51:43 Speaker 01 Call, we're like, that's one thing, that as dirtbag as we are-
51:48 H. Foley? That's a very Philly-
51:49 Speaker 01 We're all nurses, everybody, there's so, like, my mom, everybody works in the house, so we're fucking locked in.
51:55 H. Foley? It's a very Philly dirtbag thing, of judging hospital, uh, systems in Philly. Get him a Lakenall, they'll kill you over here. Get him a chop. I thought that was a salad place.
52:11 Speaker 01 Um, but they were, as the kids, we'd be like so hungry throughout the day, but they're cooking, but they ain't cooking food you can eat, you know what I mean? So at noon, they're prepping for the party tonight, and I'm looking for a little num nums, you know? So we'd go like open the, and they'd be, "Close the goddamn fridge," and you would like an oven mitt-
52:27 H. Foley? Trying to cool it down.
52:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, and it's like, "Tuts, okay, cornered a cop, what are we doing here? I need something now."
52:34 H. Foley? I got two words for you, Hoagie Fest, alright?
52:37 Speaker 01 Let's go.
52:40 Speaker 01 I remember opening that friggin' and just see like the fucking iced tea sweating. Like it was not, not cold enough in there to keep anything. Ah, man. Alright, um, this one's from Nicole. $10 homie. Shout out to the $10 homie. It is by far, uh, like five times the amount of the most popular, uh, level.
53:00 H. Foley? Get the hard feelings.
53:01 Speaker 01 $10 homie, never have one read. Is it garbage if, as a kid, this is, this, this has brought back memories. Is it garbage if as a kid I had to bring a suitcase to school every Thursday?
53:13 H. Foley? Ooh.
53:13 Speaker 01 My parents got divorced when I was four and for some reason the custody worked out that my dad specifically had me every Thursday night. Starting at five years old, I was lugging a suitcase to school.
53:25 H. Foley? Jesus.
53:25 Speaker 01 Getting lots of odd looks from other kindergarteners thinking where I was going on a sudden vacation.
53:31 H. Foley? What the fuck?
53:32 Speaker 01 That's jammed up.
53:33 H. Foley? Like a traveling salesman.
53:34 Speaker 01 That's pretty, I remember putting clothes, I remember not wanting to have to take a bag to school.
53:41 H. Foley? Man.
53:41 Speaker 01 And stuffing clothes.
53:43 H. Foley? Why didn't you just have clothes, uh, more clothes at your dad's place?
53:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, man, that's easier. You know, you own two t-shirts and you're 50. I'm fucking eight years old, flopping between two houses.
53:54 H. Foley? Hmm. You didn't have skivvies and shit over there?
53:56 Speaker 01 I did, but it's like, I don't know what's there. I, you know, I hadn't been there in a week. I don't know what's clean.
54:01 H. Foley? He's probably not doing the worst.
54:03 Speaker 01 I don't know what fit, you know, I mean, it's also like, I'm, I'm fluctuating inside, goddamn fucking found, chocolate fountain, do fountain.
54:11 H. Foley? A week's like five years to a fat kid.
54:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, so it's like, you know, also it's like, I, I have like, those clothes are shit. I don't want to wear that fucking whatever. I want to wear this cool thing, you know? So I remember lugging clothes back in, in, in a...
54:23 H. Foley? Grocery bag?
54:24 Speaker 01 School, no, a school bag. Always, always hit it in the school bag.
54:28 H. Foley? And you're, we used to, well, you didn't have two school bags, did you?
54:30 Speaker 01 No, I'd put it in the one.
54:32 H. Foley? Like a real brainiac.
54:33 Speaker 01 Hey guys, just working on my study. Yeah, but that, that's, uh...
54:37 H. Foley? Were you the kid that had the big school bag that was like dragging behind?
54:40 Speaker 01 What do you think?
54:43 Speaker 01 What do you think there?
54:44 H. Foley? I would rather flunk every class than walk around like that. I should be like, "How the fuck are you holding that up?" Brutal.
54:52 Speaker 01 The kid that had to kinda lean forward so he didn't go all the...
54:55 H. Foley? Yeah.
54:55 Speaker 01 We would call him, you know, he looked like Minkus from Boy Meets World. Hit me with a Minkus. Do you know Minkus? Minkus are, and Minkus for us was-
55:05 H. Foley? I was watching Boy Meets World. I was in my 30s.
55:10 H. Foley? My 20s. High school.
55:13 H. Foley? It's Fred Savage's kid brother.
55:15 Speaker 01 This was Minkus. No, Minkus was the nerd in school.
55:19 H. Foley? Ah. Poor little Minkus.
55:21 Speaker 01 Classic nerd. Him and then the kid from Little Giants.
55:25 H. Foley? I remember Little Giants. You mean the good-looking kid that was in the show? He was his boy?
55:30 Speaker 01 Shawn Hunter?
55:31 H. Foley? Yeah.
55:31 Speaker 01 Nah, I got a pretty good pod, a pretty big pod, Topanga.
55:34 H. Foley? No kidding?
55:35 Speaker 01 This kid was huge in the 90s.
55:37 H. Foley? Let me see it.
55:38 Speaker 01 That kid?
55:39 H. Foley? Oh, yeah, he was huge.
55:41 Speaker 01 I remember he had the snot-
55:42 H. Foley? Fucking writing checks, yeah. I remember him in Little Giants.
55:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, man, the ice, we went to school with a girl who looked just like the Icebox. Oddly attractive. Shout out the Icebox.
55:53 H. Foley? Sure, you're in your chocolate fondue tails probably right now.
55:56 Speaker 01 Ever been to a luau? I got a huge school bag on. I'm going to my dad's tonight. I had to bring extra clothes.
56:03 H. Foley? Hence the rotor bag.
56:05 Speaker 01 Well, I mean luggage to schools.
56:07 H. Foley? Tough luck.
56:08 Speaker 01 I mean, I, I, you, I remember my brother and sister could do it because they were athletes for school, so they would put it in, like, they had, like, their soccer, but they had their equipment bag of some kind, so they would-
56:15 H. Foley? Yeah, I always had, always had a change of clothes.
56:17 Speaker 01 Alright, cool guy. Oh, yeah, dude.
56:20 H. Foley? I'm trying to relate to this fat little bastard.
56:24 Speaker 01 Why'd you have a change of clothes? Did you get olive oil stains on it midway through? Shit yourself?
56:28 H. Foley? Cause I had fucking practiced.
56:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's different. You had to change that day. I get that. I'm fucking, I'm, I'm moving a wardrobe between single parents' homes.
56:36 H. Foley? Tough break.
56:39 Speaker 01 Ah, bad times, bad, bad times looking back.
56:46 H. Foley? You don't know who's picking you up.
56:48 Speaker 01 Dad forgot a couple, two, three times.
56:49 H. Foley? Sure.
56:51 Speaker 01 Show up a couple of Rolling Rock bottles coming scooting out. Ain't that... Uh, this one's from Tommy Haglen. "Yo, are you guys greasing the hibachi guy? Slip him some cash as he's cleaning up. I've only been to hibachi as I've been older with some money, once, and I was at a resort. My brother greased the guy. Guy did great. We greased him heavy. I think you gotta, if they're a showman. Find out the, see if there's like a..."
57:16 H. Foley? I couldn't tell you.
57:17 Speaker 01 You've never been to hibachi?
57:19 H. Foley? No.
57:19 Speaker 01 I love a hibachi.
57:20 H. Foley? Never been to hibachi.
57:21 Speaker 01 Well, you gotta go!
57:22 H. Foley? I've never been to hibachi, and I've never been to a foga de chow, where they keep the meat coming.
57:27 Speaker 01 That seems so excessive. I mean, I like a lot, but like, too much meat is, I get tired and sloppy and sweaty and it ruins the night.
57:33 H. Foley? Why don't you take me to hibachi?
57:35 Speaker 01 Why don't you take your fucking self to hibachi?
57:37 H. Foley? Alright, sure. I thought it'd be a fun time. I guess I will. Go by myself like a fucking asshole, sitting next to some fucking...
57:43 Speaker 01 Well, I gotta pay to take you to hibachi.
57:44 H. Foley? Some Italian family? Huh?
57:47 Speaker 01 What?
57:48 H. Foley? I don't know. You think it'd be nice?
57:49 Speaker 01 Man, there's this real bad picture of me floating around at hibachi that I saw not that long ago. It's so embar... I remember taking a, I don't know if I thought, I took a shirt out of my trunk and put it on. It was like... I had worn it like weeks before and it was...
58:02 H. Foley? You got a whole lobster in your mouth?
58:05 Speaker 01 Fucking doing sake bombs.
58:07 Speaker 03 It is customary to tip the hibachi chef.
58:09 Speaker 01 There you go, gotta grease him.
58:10 H. Foley? Of course, grease him.
58:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, he's a performer. He's a performer at the end of the day. I'm with that.
58:15 H. Foley? Hibachi, you might know it as omakase.
58:18 Speaker 01 No.
58:18 H. Foley? Probably your family.
58:20 Speaker 03 We're a big hibachi family. Shout out to Sakura, yeah. Went there for every birthday.
58:26 Speaker 01 That was, wait, was it called?
58:27 H. Foley? That's still rich kid shit.
58:28 Speaker 03 Sakura.
58:29 Speaker 01 How do you spell that?
58:30 Speaker 03 S.A.K.U.R.A. They got a few of them.
58:35 Speaker 01 I found the one you're looking at.
58:40 Speaker 01 Classy joint, though. Yeah. Little cl- I mean, that's not the hibachi. That ain't the Mount Fuji I was going to in the strip mall. No. It's just a grill.
58:50 Speaker 01 Dull. It's all smoky. Um, that was like, it was kinda like a new money. It was like a fu- it was what like, you rich people would- it was like them slumming, like, "Oh, let's go be fun and have a man cook for us," type thing. Gonna have him fired immediately. We throw pennies at him. I don't know, that onion volcano will not- blows my brain. Um, we can go?
59:14 H. Foley? That'd be cool.
59:15 Speaker 01 Is there any in the city? There is, yeah. Good ones, though? They're tight. We gotta go out to the burbs. Yeah, you gotta- the burbs have the big-
59:21 H. Foley? Go Benny Hana.
59:24 H. Foley? The original.
59:25 Speaker 01 Where's that at?
59:26 H. Foley? I don't know. It's in LA.
59:28 Speaker 01 Benny Hana?
59:29 H. Foley? Yeah, they're all over the place.
59:31 Speaker 01 You said the original.
59:32 H. Foley? I mean-
59:32 Speaker 01 So the original can't be all over the place.
59:34 H. Foley? Jesus Christ, you cross-examining me. I'm fucking sweating here. The original hibachi place.
59:40 Speaker 01 Okay.
59:41 H. Foley? Not the original Benny Hana.
59:42 Speaker 01 Okay.
59:43 H. Foley? I don't think that is. I'm sure that's New York.
59:45 Speaker 01 We got one, uh, Midtown, yeah.
59:47 H. Foley? Alright.
59:50 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah, I, yeah, Midtown.
59:51 H. Foley? I'd go.
59:52 Speaker 01 Uh, alright, this one's, uh, Trudy Roof. That's pretty good. $10 boondoggle. First time having one, first time posting one. Is it garbage to be 5'7" but brag about having a 6' wingspan? That's alright. Wingspan is a dirtbag thing to brag about.
1:00:08 H. Foley? Yeah, how can you have that? 5'7" with a 6' wingspan. Long arms, I guess.
1:00:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, but not significantly long. I mean, they're like an inch long.
1:00:16 H. Foley? That'd be normal?
1:00:17 Speaker 01 Well, you're suppo- it's, I, you're, it's the same distance.
1:00:20 H. Foley? That's not true. That's an old wives' tale.
1:00:22 Speaker 01 No, it's like very, I mean, it's like-
1:00:23 H. Foley? What, this is, this is how tall I am?
1:00:26 Speaker 01 Like, almost, like, yeah.
1:00:28 H. Foley? Really? Hmm. So white I am. Nothing on that!
1:00:35 Speaker 01 And they also-
1:00:35 H. Foley? Benny Hana!
1:00:36 Speaker 01 They say your pants around your neck. I heard that when I was selling dungarees.
1:00:40 H. Foley? Pants around your neck?
1:00:41 Speaker 01 So like, not you would it, or you'd have a pretty big neck. But you take a pair of pants.
1:00:47 H. Foley? You're telling me-
1:00:47 Speaker 01 You've never heard of this?
1:00:48 H. Foley? Your neck and your waist are supposed to be the same size?
1:00:50 Speaker 01 It's half, so like, you keep them buttoned. You're telling me your neck and your waist are supposed to be... That's the case, I gotta get eaten.
1:00:59 Speaker 01 Um...
1:00:59 H. Foley? Who's drawing these dudes?
1:01:00 Speaker 01 If you like, you pull a pa- pair of pants off a shelf, they're buttoned, you're holding them up.
1:01:04 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:01:05 Speaker 01 You do that, and it should be, it's like about right.
1:01:08 H. Foley? Wow.
1:01:09 Speaker 01 Anatomically. So like, yeah, if your neck's like seventeen inches, you wear like a size, you wear a thirty-four waist or whatever.
1:01:14 H. Foley? My neck's like twenty-two, twenty-one.
1:01:17 Speaker 01 Wait, did you have a twenty-two, you have a deuce-deuce neck? It's like a tire size. I think an average guy's like-
1:01:26 H. Foley? All-weather.
1:01:26 Speaker 01 Seven, sixteen, seventeen.
1:01:27 H. Foley? Yeah, alright.
1:01:28 Speaker 01 A deuce-deuce.
1:01:29 H. Foley? I think it's about twenty, twenty-one.
1:01:31 Speaker 01 Man.
1:01:31 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:01:32 Speaker 01 Faux-fauxs. Tipping on faux-fauxs.
1:01:36 H. Foley? That's sick neck, dog.
1:01:38 Speaker 01 Alright, don't try to, don't try to like act like it's a good thing.
1:01:40 H. Foley? It's all my lat work.
1:01:46 Speaker 01 Trying to think of an acronym for lat. Long-ass tomatoes is all I got to.
1:01:52 Speaker 01 Ah, alright, let's see.
1:01:53 H. Foley? Tomatoes are in, by the way. Corn's coming in soon.
1:01:56 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
1:01:58 H. Foley? Letting yous know.
1:01:59 Speaker 01 Farmer Foley. Yeah, this has been the Almanac Corner.
1:02:02 H. Foley? I like all that stuff.
1:02:03 Speaker 01 This has been the Almanac Corner.
1:02:04 H. Foley? That's what I was trying to get at, a Patty went down there. She had some fucking old watermelon. Get outta here with that shit.
1:02:10 Speaker 01 Um... Have you ever seen Pete's Produce Corner in New York? It's like an institution. He's on like Channel Five or something, and it's like him sitting at a deli, going, "Yeah, you pick out a nice..."
1:02:22 H. Foley? Now, does he have one of those little carving things?
1:02:24 Speaker 01 I'm, I don't know.
1:02:25 H. Foley? I love seeing guys at like, produce warehouses where they have that little thing and they cut it open. It's like a little hook. It's great. There's also some fish place downtown, it's supposed to be really good. Fish market in Chinatown. Guy's got a whole operation. Gets the freshest fish.
1:02:40 Speaker 01 Sure.
1:02:42 Speaker 01 You know who buys the freshest fish in the, in the, in the... Country?
1:02:47 H. Foley? Yes. Wegmans.
1:02:51 Speaker 03 Costco.
1:02:52 Speaker 01 Might be, but I'm going restaurant.
1:02:55 H. Foley? Restaurant? Don't say Red Lobster.
1:02:57 Speaker 01 Red Lobster. They're the biggest, yeah, they buy 25% of all the lobster and crab in the, in the, in the country.
1:03:02 H. Foley? They were on the brink. The young CEO pulled them out of the fire.
1:03:06 Speaker 01 That's where I got the stat from.
1:03:08 H. Foley? Really?
1:03:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:03:09 H. Foley? Huh. He started doing-
1:03:10 Speaker 01 He goes, "We're looked, we're viewed it as it's bad meat." He's like, "We can, we can charge us because we buy so much of it." They buy, he said they buy 25% of all the crab and lobster in the country.
1:03:21 H. Foley? No shit.
1:03:21 Speaker 01 That's a lot of crab. Is it meat or is that a lot of fish?
1:03:23 H. Foley? I wouldn't mind hitting Red Lobster. Show a little support, show a little love for them.
1:03:26 Speaker 01 Sure, let's do it. Add a hibachi. I was like, "We're getting fat again."
1:03:30 H. Foley? Guy brought it back from the brink.
1:03:31 Speaker 01 I've been to Wawa twice today. Yeah, I'd go pay, pay, pay our dues.
1:03:34 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:03:35 Speaker 01 Let's see if we can get a, see if we get like a private dining or something.
1:03:38 H. Foley? At a Red Lobster?
1:03:40 Speaker 01 I've had them Cheddar Bay Biscuits before.
1:03:42 H. Foley? You think? Hello.
1:03:45 Speaker 01 The one in New York has to have some, some sort of, some sort of fucking VIP booth or some, tell them a big man's coming. I'll, tell them we got the double deuce on the line.
1:04:00 H. Foley? The man has a 22-inch neck.
1:04:01 Speaker 01 We're gonna need more fucking-
1:04:04 H. Foley? How is a man with a 22-inch neck standing outside?
1:04:07 Speaker 01 Yes, I am the double deuce. What do you got?
1:04:09 Speaker 03 They got one in Times Square. Apparently, the chef will curate a multi-course group dining menu for you.
1:04:15 H. Foley? Curate a multi-course dining menu?
1:04:18 Speaker 03 Bit of an experience.
1:04:19 H. Foley? Whoa.
1:04:21 Speaker 01 You gotta tip him. You gotta fucking grease that guy.
1:04:25 H. Foley? Probably up front. Goff it up.
1:04:27 Speaker 01 Play ball. I don't know what we got. He's playing it all coy. Maybe we got fish, maybe we don't.
1:04:32 H. Foley? What's this motherfucker with this fat ass neck coming in here?
1:04:37 H. Foley? Make with the cash.
1:04:38 Speaker 01 Uh, alright, let's see. Uh, this one's just funny. This is from, uh, Spiro. "Is it garbage that Dory, my high school graduation party, my parents used the party as a business expense and invited a bunch of business associates that I did not know?"
1:04:53 Speaker 01 Man, if that's not the AYG, AYG way of doing business, that's so good, dude. Let's write this whole thing off.
1:05:02 Speaker 01 That's fucking, shout out to your dirtbag parents, that's awesome.
1:05:06 H. Foley? I used to hate that.
1:05:08 Speaker 01 What?
1:05:08 H. Foley? Whenever that was, if there was like a party for me and my dad would invite people that I didn't know, like some of his friends, like who the fuck is this guy? Making the move on my tomato pie.
1:05:19 Speaker 01 Sure.
1:05:20 H. Foley? Some beat ass card.
1:05:22 Speaker 01 Yeah. Hey kid, ah, fuck you, hit you with a hey kid.
1:05:26 H. Foley? When are you leaving?
1:05:27 Speaker 01 How old are you, 32? It's like dude, shut up. Quit hitting on my fucking sister, will you?
1:05:33 H. Foley? I have a sister. My brother.
1:05:38 H. Foley? Yeah, that's funny, man, damn.
1:05:40 Speaker 01 Ah, that is, that's pretty good. Um, alright, let's see here, this one's from, uh, Hoagies and Heaters, great name. Oh, $10 Hoagie Fest here, never have one red, shout out to my Aunt Kate.
1:05:52 H. Foley? She started it all.
1:05:54 Speaker 01 She started it all? She was instrumental in a Philadelphia institution. I mean, she should be given a day in the city or something, if you be Aunt Kate there, give her the keys to the city.
1:06:04 H. Foley? My cousin's husband's the one that introduced the Swedish fish flavor at Rita's, water ice.
1:06:09 Speaker 01 Oh, cool.
1:06:12 Speaker 01 They don't bring that back every year.
1:06:14 H. Foley? Yeah, they do, that's on the fucking menu, dickhead.
1:06:17 Speaker 01 I made the menu, I remember the first time I had it, it was the one at Village Shires, Vinny with the skinny sister was slanging ices. And we went and she was like, ta, Vinny was like, have you had the Swedish fish? I said, shut your fucking mouth, I'm a root beer man, everybody knows that. Root beer vanilla, I would only do root beer vanilla and chocolate, man, and that chocolate hit like, I don't know. What are we doing? What are we doing to fucking somebody? I love.
1:06:43 H. Foley? Chocolate water ice?
1:06:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'd do medium, I'd do a large, I'd do a large chocolate water.
1:06:51 H. Foley? Aw, man.
1:06:54 H. Foley? Lemon, cherry, respectable flavor.
1:06:56 Speaker 01 I didn't like cherry because they put the bits of cherry in there, get out of here.
1:07:00 H. Foley? Might as well be working out. Fuck out of here with that shit.
1:07:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, what the fuck, I'm not here for my health, I'm eating a fucking three foot pretzel break right here.
1:07:11 H. Foley? Trying to lower my LDO, huh? Make with the Chaco Mako.
1:07:15 Speaker 01 I remember finding that out for the first time, I went, what the hell is he?
1:07:20 H. Foley? The Swedish fish?
1:07:21 Speaker 01 No, the chunks of cherry and the cherry off. He left a pit in my.
1:07:29 H. Foley? Hey, skin in this.
1:07:32 Speaker 01 Gross. I remember being like, "Uh, no thank you." Handing it right back to my dad.
1:07:39 H. Foley? What is your return, Balashe? On a half-eaten water ice?
1:07:43 Speaker 01 That's why I like chocolate vanilla and root beer. Putting root beer skin in there.
1:07:51 H. Foley? Hey, you want a nice root beer barrel? That'd be happy, fine.
1:07:53 Speaker 01 There you go. Drop one or two of them in the bottle.
1:07:58 Speaker 01 Maybe a Tootsie Roll and a chocolate?
1:08:00 H. Foley? Woo! Chocolate water ice. Is there anything fatter? That's crazy.
1:08:07 Speaker 01 The same shit. You're eating Swedish fish water, right? What are we talking about? You act like you're over here eating fucking lemon sorbet or something. Um... But Vinny goes, "Have you had it?" I said, "No." He goes, "Shoo." We fucking turn his Buick around. We fucking, I mean, we came at wheels. We came, "Vroom!", parked it. She saw us. And he was like, "Mate, go with the..." Swimming with the fishies. Hit her with one of these.
1:08:36 Speaker 01 I, my mind was...
1:08:38 H. Foley? Talking about getting a flavor perfect.
1:08:40 Speaker 01 So, when they do that, I'm, this is how my brain works. They extract chemicals from the Swedish fish.
1:08:49 H. Foley? They catch them first.
1:08:52 Speaker 01 Wild caught.
1:08:53 H. Foley? Hey, yellow piece of spit right there.
1:08:54 Speaker 01 Sorry, it's chocolate water ice.
1:08:55 H. Foley? Like a math teacher.
1:08:58 Speaker 01 Buddy, you're sweating through your shirt. You got tit sweat going on.
1:09:03 Speaker 01 Uh, they boil that down and then add that? They're not making that from scratch. That's a chemical they're dropping in there. Cause it's too perfect. I don't think you'd be able to re-
1:09:14 H. Foley? I'm sure they just get the flavoring from Swedish fish and add it to the ice.
1:09:17 Speaker 01 Right.
1:09:19 H. Foley? They're not melting them down.
1:09:20 Speaker 01 Oh, they're melting them down.
1:09:21 H. Foley? It would be gooey.
1:09:22 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, no, no.
1:09:22 H. Foley? They're just getting the flavor.
1:09:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's a, it's a liquid they're dumping into ice.
1:09:27 H. Foley? Yeah. Or a powder.
1:09:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, probably powder. Probably makes more sense.
1:09:31 H. Foley? You got anything on that, brainiac?
1:09:32 Speaker 01 Liquid would be too expensive.
1:09:34 Speaker 03 It's a combination of natural and artificial flavorings.
1:09:36 Speaker 01 Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, it's air and fucking red 18. Hey, that-
1:09:41 Speaker 03 Hit me.
1:09:42 Speaker 01 Alright, we gotta wrap it up.
1:09:44 H. Foley? Gang, do yourself a favor, check out Hoagie Fest this summer.
1:09:47 Speaker 01 And Swedish Fish at Rita's.
1:09:49 H. Foley? Grab some tickets to the live show, grab the new merch, we got new shirts.
1:09:52 Speaker 01 We got, uh...
1:09:53 H. Foley? Uncle Hank's Hot Dogs, King of the Burbs, Garbage.
1:09:56 Speaker 01 And the Garbage University, and Luke over there's got the Aunt Hoodie's Sanitase. Get 'em while supplies last.
1:10:04 H. Foley? We love you, we'll see you next week.
1:10:05 Speaker 01 Peace!
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