Fighting Demons w/ Big Jay Oakerson

Are You Garbage presents comedian and podcast host Big Jay Oakerson! We're talking demons, dream body's and how to be the best dressed at a wedding. You know Big Jay from stand up comedy, his new special They/Them, Kill Tony, Matt and Shanes Secret Podcast, Legion of Skanks, The Bonfire, the Joe Rogan Experience, Whiskey Ginger, Stavvy's World, Soder Podcast and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Aura Frames: Exclusive $35-off Carver Mat at https://AuraFrames.com. Promo Code: GARBAGE Blue Chew: Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com! Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code GARBAGE -- just pay $5 shipping. True Classic: Upgrade your wardrobe and save on True Classic at https://trueclassic.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Gang, tickets for the Back on the Block Tour are going quick, baby. So get 'em, what a getting is good.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're coming to San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Burlington, Boston, Atlanta, Charlotte, Raleigh, Richmond, Baltimore, Philly, Rochester, and Toronto. All tickets available at arugarbage.com. We'll see yous on the road.

• 0:17Speaker 02

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:36H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're good to be classy. Yeah. Or they're just a big old piece of trash. Garbage. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new addition. She's down at the DMV getting her real ID. Wanted to remind everybody that the lights coming up.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  He writes what he knows. He's struggling with that at the moment.

• 1:04H. Foley?

  My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. Pay no mind to him. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman and he's my best pal in the whole wide world and I'd love him. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available over there on Spotify, gang. Check that out. And obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. Go over there, get all that bonus content and go get some live tickets to the Boy the Back on the Block Tour. It's on sale right now.

• 1:34H. Foley?

  Gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest back with us today. One more time for the final episode of The Chronicles of Jason. After this, he will be donated to the Frito-Lay Institute for further research and testing. He'll be cryogenically frozen. It's time to get inside. Studied for years.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  Inside man.

• 2:00H. Foley?

  He has not one, but two specials out on YouTube right now. It's a double part, Them and They crowd work special, proving once again why he truly is one of the best stand-up comedians working today. Give it up for Big Jay Oakerson, everybody.

• 2:14Speaker 03

  Thank you gentlemen.

• 2:15H. Foley?

  Look at him, double album, hitting them with it.

• 2:17Speaker 03

  Good to be here.

• 2:18H. Foley?

  Like the smashing pumpkins.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  Still blown away you guys have stopped smoking.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  I know, I saw you do it.

• 2:23Speaker 03

  I've been thinking about.

• 2:24H. Foley?

  That was a lonely heater you had out back too.

• 2:27Speaker 01

  He flicked, he came over to me, he's like, so what, do you not even just want to smoke anymore? And I went, no, and I saw him look at it and go, and just flicked it over the balcony.

• 2:35Speaker 03

  What the fuck am I doing? I'm gonna be the last asshole.

• 2:41H. Foley?

  Out there by yourself?

• 2:42Speaker 01

  That should be your next album.

• 2:43Speaker 03

  Doesn't matter if your friends who smoke are wheezing, coughing, having trouble sleeping, migraines, or anything from, as soon as they stop, you're like, fuck.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  You're in it together, when you're, when you're all dying, you're like, we're in it together.

• 2:53Speaker 03

  How about that feeling, have you guys gotten rid of the, or do you still see it? Maybe you don't even do it, when I'm at the airport particularly.

• 2:59Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 3:00Speaker 03

  When you go outside to smoke before I go in.

• 3:02H. Foley?

  We used to love it.

• 3:03Speaker 03

  But not even that, it's looking around, when I see an 80 year old guy over there smoking, I'm like, nice!

• 3:09H. Foley?

  Oh really?

• 3:10Speaker 03

  You can do it, you can do it the whole time, yeah.

• 3:12H. Foley?

  See, I do that, I'll be outside smoking or something like that, and I'll look around and I'll see like the grossest woman ever.

• 3:18Speaker 03

  Oh yeah.

• 3:18Speaker 01

  Start hitting on her.

• 3:19H. Foley?

  Like a lady, like a lady that.

• 3:21Speaker 03

  I'm 37.

• 3:22H. Foley?

  That looks, like, is built like a pirate.

• 3:24Speaker 03

  Oh yeah.

• 3:25H. Foley?

  And I'd be like, fuck, what am I doing?

• 3:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, no for sure.

• 3:28H. Foley?

  And I think about what I look like, people see me smoking, they must have been like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? He's not gonna make it!

• 3:36Speaker 01

  Flying a little too close to the sun, this big fella.

• 3:38Speaker 03

  Did you guys have a hard, hard time first couple of weeks?

• 3:40Speaker 01

  I, I will, see, I wanted to quit, I was like, I'll quit at the beginning of the year, the beginning of, in January, and at the end of December, I got real sick. Covid or flu, whatever the fuck it was, and so I was out of commission for 10 days, and I was like, hey man, if you're gonna do it, you're already 10 days in, like, just fucking roll with it.

• 3:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's great, that's the move. Damn. Not me, I like marine crawl outside.

• 4:02Speaker 03

  To smoke one.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  He's on a radio.

• 4:04H. Foley?

  I was over it, I, I confess to him today, I had a, I had a couple on Thursday, I was dealing with something, I had a couple, but it's funny.

• 4:10Speaker 03

  Is it real ID?

• 4:12H. Foley?

  God damn, I can't find his DMV. Did you get yours, by the way?

• 4:16Speaker 03

  No.

• 4:17H. Foley?

  I'll let Tony get it.

• 4:18Speaker 03

  Mike Finnoya just told me he was at the airport today and the guy was so nasty because he uses passport. It's not even time yet. But he gave the passport and he was like, uh, he goes, uh, and he scanned, he goes, he goes, "It's not working, give me something else."

• 4:31H. Foley?

  What? See, fuck that. What?

• 4:32Speaker 03

  And Mike was like, "No, no," he goes, "It works. It's a, it's a..."

• 4:35Speaker 01

  It's a passport.

• 4:36Speaker 03

  It's a passport.

• 4:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, it works.

• 4:37Speaker 03

  And he goes, "I don't have my real ID yet." And the guy was like, "That's obvious." It's like, he's mad at you for not getting it yet.

• 4:43H. Foley?

  It was your idea, relax.

• 4:45Speaker 03

  I went to get a new ID a couple of years ago.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  That's not that. Must have been in the late 90s.

• 4:52Speaker 03

  No, no, no, like two years ago over here and they were, uh, it was still like, they've been, they've been threatening the real ID for five years now.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  Will they keep pushing it?

• 4:59H. Foley?

  I feel like they're gonna push it again. Nobody's gotten it.

• 5:01Speaker 03

  I, I feel like they're going to also.

• 5:03H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  I don't know. I think it's, I think it's already past that, that 11th hour. I think you're in it.

• 5:07Speaker 03

  I mean, it's the 5th today. They got two more days besides the 11th hour.

• 5:13H. Foley?

  By the time this comes out, we'll all be screwed.

• 5:15Speaker 03

  But they really make it seem like it's like, "You're totally fucked." Like, "Or I could bring my passport, right?"

• 5:20H. Foley?

  Yeah, but I saw something today. That's, that's, you mentioned, uh, Finnoya dealing with it. I was curious to get some intel. They said that if, there might be a separate line for people with the passport.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  Like if you don't have the real ID.

• 5:31H. Foley?

  TSA Pre-Check. I'm not taking my goddamn shoes off.

• 5:34Speaker 03

  No, fuck that.

• 5:35H. Foley?

  And, and they said it could be an extra half an hour.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  I'll take my computer out, I'm gonna throw it at them.

• 5:38H. Foley?

  Yeah, they said it could be an extra half an hour. What's this all about, anyway? What's this for?

• 5:43Speaker 01

  Taliban. Make sure you're not fucking, make sure you're not on no list or nothing.

• 5:48H. Foley?

  Shoe bombs.

• 5:49Speaker 03

  Trying to cut that on shoe bombings.

• 5:51H. Foley?

  It's fucking bullshit.

• 5:52Speaker 03

  It is bullshit.

• 5:53H. Foley?

  I don't mind carrying my passport, though.

• 5:54Speaker 03

  But when I went to, uh...

• 5:55Speaker 01

  Alright, tough guy. What the fuck? I'll do it. I give a fuck.

• 5:59H. Foley?

  I feel classier when I have it on me anyway.

• 6:01Speaker 03

  Me too.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  Dude, we went through the airport the other day and we, we were in a smaller airport, Minneapolis, a small airport. It was like, you know how sometimes it's like, all gates this way, all gates that way? So we went to the one and it didn't have TSA Pre-Check.

• 6:13Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 6:13Speaker 01

  But there was no line and it was like, the TSA Pre-Check was like, a 500 yards away. So we're like, I'm like, "I'm just fucking going through here. I'm not going all the way back." I turn around because we had to take our shoes off.

• 6:24H. Foley?

  This was weeks ago. You're bringing up old shit.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  It's the last flight we talked. I turn around, he's standing there. Well, it's like belts off, shoes off. You're standing there like you're an intake. A fucking Pelican, Pelican babe.

• 6:36Speaker 03

  Spread your ass cheeks and cough.

• 6:38Speaker 01

  They're hitting you with the DeLousers.

• 6:40Speaker 03

  Slick back, what was that, uh, was that American V? Slick back your nuts and hold your dick back.

• 6:46Speaker 01

  To grab your sack.

• 6:47H. Foley?

  American V's a deep cut, huh? Is that Edward James Almost?

• 6:50Speaker 03

  Hell yeah, it is.

• 6:51H. Foley?

  Shout out to him.

• 6:53Speaker 03

  Remember he got out and he was so used to prison that when he had sex with a girl for the first time, he just flipped her over and aggressively butt-fucked her?

• 6:58H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:59Speaker 03

  I don't think that's how it works. I don't think he gets out and goes, "I'm just butt-fucking."

• 7:03H. Foley?

  He was the captain in Miami Vice. I always loved him.

• 7:06Speaker 03

  He was. He always, uh, him and Dane Cook are the two people I always, like, I would describe people's cheeks as that, if someone had those cheeks. Edward James Almost cheeks.

• 7:14H. Foley?

  Sure, sure.

• 7:15Speaker 01

  That's a very, that's a big J reference.

• 7:17H. Foley?

  I didn't have any socks on is what he's gonna say.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  He's standing there, no belt, his pants are falling down, and he's barefoot in a, dude, just like, fucking pterodactyl toes.

• 7:25H. Foley?

  And I had not had a petty in a long time.

• 7:28Speaker 03

  Dude, that just reminded me of, uh...

• 7:30Speaker 01

  Well, you lived under a bridge.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  This is good garbage. Uh, I went to, uh, Vekion's wedding.

• 7:36Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 7:37Speaker 03

  And, uh...

• 7:38Speaker 01

  Down in Florida, right?

• 7:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. And I've lost weight and I...

• 7:42Speaker 01

  You look great, buddy.

• 7:42H. Foley?

  You look great, buddy.

• 7:43Speaker 03

  Thank you, man. And I know, I know that, so I told, uh, Christine was meeting me down there, and I go, "Hey, can you just bring, like, one of my black pairs of dress pants and..."

• 7:52Speaker 01

  That's bad.

• 7:53Speaker 03

  And black shirt.

• 7:54Speaker 01

  That's real bad if you don't know the wardrobes.

• 7:56Speaker 03

  Well, they're all the same size, it doesn't matter. I was like, I was like, and they're gonna be a little big on me, so I was like, you know, make sure you bring a belt. I got a belt.

• 8:03H. Foley?

  That's even sweeter. People are complimenting you. It's baggy, huh?

• 8:05Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 8:06H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 8:07Speaker 03

  Uh, except, I was even thinking to myself, and I go, "Maybe this is a tuck the shirt in situation."

• 8:12Speaker 01

  That's what you're thinking.

• 8:13Speaker 03

  Maybe?

• 8:14Speaker 01

  Has that been a while for you? When was the last time you tucked the shirt in?

• 8:16Speaker 03

  Quite some time. It's been quite some time.

• 8:19Speaker 01

  Fifteen, twenty years?

• 8:20Speaker 03

  It's been a long time. I mean, where I've, yeah, my wedding.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  That's pretty good, though.

• 8:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, so that's, it's a long time ago. But, uh, so I was like, "Maybe I'll tuck my shirt in." And then when I'm putting the clothes on, first thing I put the, uh, I was gonna pull the pants up, where the shirt already looks hilarious on me. It's so wide is what looks so funny on it, so it's like, it looks like I'm wearing my dad's shirt.

• 8:43Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 8:44Speaker 03

  And then, uh, I go to put the pants on, and when I, I mean, when I pull them up, they're not touching my body at all.

• 8:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:50H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 8:51Speaker 03

  And I was like, "Shit." I was like, well, thank God I have a belt. I go put the belt on, it's suspender pants.

• 8:57H. Foley?

  Ah, there's no loops?

• 8:59Speaker 03

  No loops. I'm finding this out 30 minutes before we're supposed to be at wedding.

• 9:03H. Foley?

  Did you have suspenders on you?

• 9:04Speaker 03

  Nope.

• 9:05H. Foley?

  Why would you?

• 9:06Speaker 03

  What I had was-

• 9:07Speaker 01

  What, is it a carrot top?

• 9:08H. Foley?

  Robin Williams?

• 9:09Speaker 03

  What I had was-

• 9:09Speaker 01

  Are you doing your Gallagher bits anymore?

• 9:12Speaker 03

  What I had was, that belt, that then became, I wore it, I left the shirt untucked-

• 9:19Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 9:19Speaker 03

  And I put the belt around the pants like a hillbilly with a rope keeping up his jeans.

• 9:24H. Foley?

  And then flipped them over?

• 9:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:26H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 9:26Speaker 03

  And then had to go like, and everyone's going, "Hey man, why aren't you dancing?" Like, I can't dance.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  Jay, we know you love to dance. Why are you not out there on the dance floor?

• 9:34Speaker 03

  I have a song in my heart, I love to move my body, but I can't tonight.

• 9:37H. Foley?

  They would've fell.

• 9:38Speaker 01

  I'm only doing slow dances.

• 9:40Speaker 03

  Every time I moved around, I felt like it was starting to like come through, like, you had to like pull it back up.

• 9:44H. Foley?

  You got your heart-shaped boxers on.

• 9:46Speaker 03

  He was like, "Why aren't you dancing?" I don't want to dance. It's stupid.

• 9:50Speaker 01

  Just sitting there with your jacket still on, that's fine.

• 9:52H. Foley?

  So, that's a lot of weight loss. Have you, I mean, those fit, right?

• 9:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:57H. Foley?

  Those are new?

• 9:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, 36.

• 9:59H. Foley?

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 10:01Speaker 01

  What size shirt you doing? XL? 2X? What do you say?

• 10:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, XL, T I could do.

• 10:05H. Foley?

  A 36? Goddamn fucking supermodel.

• 10:08Speaker 03

  It's under the belly still.

• 10:10H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's alright. That's okay.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  Who do you think I am, Matt Damon or something?

• 10:17Speaker 03

  It's not even a great example.

• 10:20Speaker 03

  I wish I could get that on Matt Damon's size. We bought a zoo, Matt Damon?

• 10:25Speaker 01

  I ever tell you that? I had surgery.

• 10:27H. Foley?

  I'm no Vincent D'Onofrio.

• 10:30Speaker 01

  You'll appreciate this, I had surgery.

• 10:32Speaker 03

  My like middle range bodies, he goes, "What am I, fucking Michael Rapaport over here?" Thinking I'm gonna fucking buy an extra large shirt.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  I had surgery on my arm and my, and my hand and I couldn't button my, they were jean shorts, I vividly remember, it was September, I wore jean shorts to the hospital.

• 10:50Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  And so I had to wear, I should've worn like-

• 10:52H. Foley?

  Going in the way you want to go out. Slide you right into the casket if it don't work out.

• 10:57Speaker 03

  We have Sabu from ECW coming on skanks tonight, and I was, I watched, so I watched the doc- Documentary about ECW, again, I've watched it a long time ago and I was like, oh, that's what it was. That's why it was my time. The late 90s, dude, jean shorts ruled the world. Everybody cool was wearing jean shorts and I even let go of that.

• 11:15H. Foley?

  Yeah, it's funny because even dads were wearing them and it's still, they, they lived in separate, you know, lanes.

• 11:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:22Speaker 03

  There's been a three inch, four inch inseam between father and Ghostface Killer.

• 11:26H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 11:27Speaker 03

  It really is, it's interesting.

• 11:29H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  I had to have my mom, because you know, you're a bigger guy, jeans are typically tighter on you, you know what I mean? And I had to have her button them and I remember she was like, didn't, had never buttoned pants on somebody with a gut, let alone her 12 year old little sweet boy and she was like, do you go above it or under it? I'm like, just fucking do it. She's, shut up.

• 11:53Speaker 03

  You know, my mom got the job at Casual Male Big and Tall so she could afford fat clothes for her son. She was regional manager. She worked her way up the ranks at Casual Male Big and Tall. She brought that up the other day and I was like, can you get that job?

• 12:05H. Foley?

  Kept you and Tommy Bahamas all through high school.

• 12:07Speaker 03

  My mom called me the other day and goes, uh, this is such a funny thing. She goes, oh, I remember when I was younger, um, when I worked, and she goes, me and my friend Janine went out to a club and at like 4:15 in the morning, we, uh, we got the idea, we left the after hours and we got the idea drunkenly like, let's drive to the corporate offices of our job in Boston. And she goes, so we started driving right then to Boston. She's, we only got as far as New York though and then we just kinda, like, bad idea, and we just, and we just slept in a, we slept in a parking lot and went home. And I was like, corporate offices for what company? And she goes, uh, Big and Tall, Casual Male Big and Tall. Like, this is when I was alive? Yeah, you were nine. I was like, where was I? She goes, with your mom, mom. I'm like, that makes sense.

• 12:52Speaker 01

  You were at Bubba's house.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  I was at mom, mom's.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  Man, that's a.

• 12:55Speaker 03

  But my mom was like, damn, is that what you were doing in your downtime?

• 12:58H. Foley?

  What was they gonna do?

• 12:58Speaker 03

  Getting trashed till 4:15. I don't know, like storm the fucking place. Janine was hot.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  Janines are always hot.

• 13:05Speaker 03

  My mom was a manager of a retail place, so it was just hot, young girls were our friends. It was great. It is funny now, watching them all age though. I saw Janine not long ago, she came to my show in Philly. My mom brought her and I was like, you see her, you're like, holy shit, you feel terrible? Cause I'm, I'm, she's like, she goes, "Oh my God, look at you, you look great." And you're like, "Bam, you are look so much not as great as when I remember you." You were so young and hot when I remember you.

• 13:30H. Foley?

  What happened?

• 13:31Speaker 03

  That's funny, my mom's friends watching me get like obese through the years.

• 13:34H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 13:35Speaker 03

  When I was younger, I was like, "Damn, she's got the best tits."

• 13:37H. Foley?

  Smoking.

• 13:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, and now you're like, she walks with a fucking, uh, something that has like a fucking tennis ball on the bottom of it.

• 13:44Speaker 01

  She's got, she's got the four thing, the, the four point cane.

• 13:48H. Foley?

  She has an elbow pad and like that carpal tunnel hand wrap.

• 13:52Speaker 03

  Buddy, that is the sign. The girl, any lady who's always got a fucking.

• 13:56Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 13:56Speaker 03

  A wrist guard on. A bowling wrist guard, yeah.

• 13:58H. Foley?

  Dude.

• 13:59Speaker 03

  It's like, what have you done in your life?

• 14:00H. Foley?

  Throwing turkeys.

• 14:01Speaker 01

  That's a lot, that's a lot of hand jobs.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  If you meet a girl in a bar at this point and fuck her that night, you're definitely gonna hear the sound of that bell going.

• 14:10Speaker 03

  You're gonna slide it off.

• 14:12H. Foley?

  It's got that sweat on it. Clammy.

• 14:16Speaker 03

  It's gamy inside.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  It's warm, it's, it's like 10 degrees warmer.

• 14:20Speaker 03

  You see her forearm hairs matted down.

• 14:25H. Foley?

  My mom has a knee brace on all the time, like a, like a, like a, I don't know, one of those like eye on eyes.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 14:31H. Foley?

  Like the copper one? Yeah.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  Dude, you can get them at Target.

• 14:34H. Foley?

  I'm like, I can't tell if you're about to play softball or what.

• 14:37Speaker 03

  It's like, nothing, just existing.

• 14:38H. Foley?

  Just, just rolling around.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  It's extra humid today, I can feel it in my knees.

• 14:45Speaker 03

  I remember the, uh, the girl, years ago, me and Kareem Green, were getting set up by a girl to get robbed in Maryland, who said she was gonna fuck us both.

• 14:54H. Foley?

  I think you told us this.

• 14:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, and she was wearing a, she had a wrist guard.

• 14:59Speaker 01

  Shouldn't have trusted her.

• 15:00Speaker 03

  I don't know why we did.

• 15:01Speaker 01

  She got that in a fistfight.

• 15:03Speaker 03

  Kareem was down because she was white. I was like, "I'll get us a white girl."

• 15:07H. Foley?

  What about the wrist guard? You look past it.

• 15:09Speaker 03

  You gotta get past it.

• 15:10H. Foley?

  She's a good girl.

• 15:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, she's only jerking off one of us at a time, probably.

• 15:14H. Foley?

  Oh, that's funny. So, we were thinking, so we covered everything with, uh, with the Chronicles of Jason.

• 15:20Speaker 01

  A lot of the time periods.

• 15:21H. Foley?

  Yeah, a lot of the time periods. I, we just had a couple of general things that just kinda tie it all together.

• 15:26Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 15:27H. Foley?

  I had a situ, I was telling him I had a situation, uh, with a spider the other night at my brother's house. And I'm just curious, overall, what frightens you the most?

• 15:37Speaker 01

  You're a, but, you're afraid of bugs? Creepy crawlers?

• 15:40H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 15:40Speaker 01

  Ghosts, dark?

• 15:42Speaker 03

  No ghosts, no go-

• 15:45Speaker 01

  Maybe ghosts.

• 15:46Speaker 03

  No, because here's the thing, I don't believe in ghosts, but in the dark, I believe in everything.

• 15:52Speaker 03

  When you said dark, that was very telling, because like, in the dark, I believe in all of it.

• 15:56Speaker 01

  It's unknown. It could be a goblin, a ghoul.

• 15:58Speaker 03

  I say when I'd go, anytime I had a basement in my life, including when I was in Long Island, my ex-wife for a little bit, uh, when I would put clothes, anything in the laundry or something at night, I'd run back up the stairs.

• 16:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, me too.

• 16:11Speaker 03

  I'd jog up, and again, I don't believe, I don't believe in any, as a grown man, I don't believe in anything, but it's that, if I look back, and it's just the kind of like, it's like David Lynch-y scary stuff, there's gonna be just like a weird face. You know what I mean? It's like my father's face or something floating, just something that's like, that's disconnecting me from reality, and I, I do fear that, but it's not ghosts or a haunted place or anything, but if, say, if you turn off the light, I don't want to do any of the things that would test it.

• 16:38H. Foley?

  So when you, when you look back, what would be, what would be the scariest thing you could think of that you would see? What would scare you the most? Would it be a rat? Would it be a demon? Would it be Slender Man?

• 16:49Speaker 03

  Well, I mean, when you say rat, it sounds like it should be rat, and then you say demon, I go, well, I guess the demon.

• 16:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't like rats, but I never went face to face with a demon.

• 16:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know, it's like, I could, so, like I say with a rat, things that I find are gross scary, like that, like, like, like, I don't want it to touch me, or bite me, or anything, anything like that is a, uh, is like a fear of like icky, though, you know what I mean?

• 17:11Speaker 01

  Gotcha.

• 17:12Speaker 03

  It's more like touching, but that goes away, you know what I mean? Like if there was like, if I had to pick up a rat, and kiss it on the mouth, and, and hug it, to get away from a demon.

• 17:21Speaker 01

  You know, as you do.

• 17:22H. Foley?

  I would do that.

• 17:23Speaker 03

  I wouldn't even think twice, yeah.

• 17:25H. Foley?

  Kent, what do you know about Aura Frames?

• 17:26Speaker 01

  Aura, aura, aura, I love Aura Frames.

• 17:28H. Foley?

  Of course you do, and Mother's Day's coming up, what's the best gift you could get your mom, the broad, even grandparents, uncles, aunts, anybody, what's the best present you could get for a broad this Mother's Day?

• 17:41Speaker 01

  Listen, it's Aura Frames, and I got a little beef with Aura Frames?

• 17:44H. Foley?

  Why?

• 17:44Speaker 01

  I'm pissed, I've already given everybody Aura Frames, I can't double down now, I've given them, my mom's got one for every goddamn room, it's that good of a gift.

• 17:52H. Foley?

  Upgrade, get her the nice one, the good stuff.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  I've done it.

• 17:56H. Foley?

  Aura Frames, ladies and gentlemen. If you want a guaranteed grand slam homerun, if you want your mother-in-law to be like, "I can't believe you got this movie. It's so nice knowing what everybody's doing." Aura Frames is the way to go. Digital photo frame. You upload right there. She gets to keep up what everybody's doing. Do yourself a favor. Score a homerun this Mother's Day and pick up an Aura Frame.

• 18:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, you want to stay in the will? Aura Frames.

• 18:21H. Foley?

  Cash.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  Keep these broads up to date on what you're doing.

• 18:25H. Foley?

  Got two words for you, Carver Matt.

• 18:27Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 18:28H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  Aura, Aura Frames has a great deal for Mother's Day. For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off plus free shipping on their best-selling Carver Matt Frame. That's Aura, A-U-R-A, Frames.com. Promo code garbage. Support the show by mentioning us. And check out terms and conditions apply. Do it.

• 18:45H. Foley?

  Do it. Okay, let's talk about BlueChew, baby.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  Boner alert.

• 18:49H. Foley?

  Boner alert. Whee, whee. Calling all you soft noodles out there and you limp dicks. I'm one of them. Not only a spokesman, I'm also a client.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  Player president.

• 18:59H. Foley?

  You get a little older, you put on a little weight, things start slowing down a little bit. The tea's not the same as it used to be. It's a little watered down, if you know what I mean. Do yourself a favor. The next time the mood strikes you and the lady or the guy or whatever you're up to, do yourself a favor and get some BlueChew. We're talking about the same active ingredients as Cialis. You're ready to go. It's like a, eh, eh. Kadooj.

• 19:23Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 19:24H. Foley?

  The old thunder stick.

• 19:25Speaker 01

  Yes, and BlueChew tablets are made in the USA. I'm talking homegrown bones, baby. Great sex is just a few clicks away. You sign up at BlueChew.com. Consult with one of their licensed medical providers. And once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. And guys, be ready when she needs it. And let me tell you, she needs it. And get your first month of Blue.

• 19:45H. Foley?

  She been calling me.

• 19:46Speaker 01

  Get your first month of BlueChew. Listen, she's calling me, she needs it. All right, she's, no one's giving it to her. Uh, make life easier by getting harder and discover, discover your options at BlueChew.com.

• 19:58H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 19:59Speaker 01

  And we got a special deal for AYG listeners. Try your first month of BlueChew for free when you use the promo code garbage.

• 20:05H. Foley?

  That's a lot of sex.

• 20:06Speaker 01

  Just pay $5 for shipping. That's promo code garbage. Visit BlueChew.com for more details. Important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast.

• 20:14H. Foley?

  Yes, we do.

• 20:15Speaker 03

  I remember one time I called. Kurt Metzger over my house, because there was a dead mouse. It took the bait and died, but I have no masculinity in me to pick that mouse up.

• 20:27Speaker 01

  Gotcha.

• 20:27Speaker 03

  With a paper towel or anything.

• 20:28Speaker 01

  Nothing, a shovel, nothing?

• 20:30Speaker 03

  There's nothing I could have thought of where I would have been okay. If Kurt was never gonna come over, eventually I would have shoveled it or something. But it's, when I tell you that like me and my ex-wife were in a knock down, drag out, fight one time, just going at it. Full yelling, it's awful in the house, and I was cleaning, like just to kill time or whatever, just fuck. Probably complain to her and be like, "You don't even clean behind this stove." And I moved the stove. And there was a dead mouse back there. And it's just because I was so, my mind was so somewhere else. I think I kicked it into a dustbin and like threw it in the trash. I didn't think twice about it. But if only my focus is on that. I'm like, uh, I get like girly, like, "Ah." Creepy crawlies. So demon?

• 21:16Speaker 03

  I guess the answer would be demon?

• 21:17Speaker 01

  I got a, I got a weird thing with spiders. Like if I'm like walking and I, I walk into one, like one. The shirt's gotta come off.

• 21:24Speaker 03

  Really?

• 21:24Speaker 01

  It's in my head. In my head, that's in my hair. And you always feel them, even whether he's there or not. You feel them go down your neck. And I gotta fuck, I'll, I'll get in the shower, jump in the pool or something.

• 21:34Speaker 03

  I watched, uh, I watched a video the other day. It was a, a body cam of them finding out they traced an IP address back to the, this house where they're getting child porn.

• 21:46Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 21:47Speaker 03

  And they're catching the son, who's a 30-year-old, definitely borderline retarded.

• 21:52Speaker 01

  I know, yeah. It's the mom and the dad and him are standing there in the driveway.

• 21:56Speaker 03

  But to me, what's the funniest thing about the video, we say about bugs? I know what he's just doing, because they're asking these difficult questions about what he's doing. So you have lots of child pornography. And for the entire 45 minutes of this interview, he's like, "Well, no." At one point he cracks himself in the face, just trying to like kill imaginary bugs that are there, because he's just like, I mean, I'm sure there are bugs.

• 22:17Speaker 01

  Hornets, run!

• 22:18Speaker 03

  He's overreacting so much because he doesn't know what to say. So he's like, "No, look, I mean, it was, uh, it was sent to me."

• 22:24Speaker 01

  These mosquitoes killing you guys too, huh?

• 22:27Speaker 03

  It was sent to me by some guy. I don't know. It's just weird websites, I guess, I go on.

• 22:33Speaker 03

  Just distract from the terrible things he's saying.

• 22:35Speaker 01

  His goddamn pop up, did I tell you?

• 22:36H. Foley?

  Big can of offs, trying to cover himself up.

• 22:39Speaker 01

  Why don't you say we take the night, we'll come back here, start fresh tomorrow.

• 22:42Speaker 03

  You saw the video before? You saw it before?

• 22:45Speaker 01

  No.

• 22:45Speaker 03

  Oh, because it was like, uh, the father and son, or the mother and father.

• 22:48H. Foley?

  If it's the one I'm thinking of, the parents.

• 22:49Speaker 03

  He's wearing a shirt that says dick is the birthday boy.

• 22:52H. Foley?

  Yes, yes, yeah, that's the one.

• 22:53Speaker 03

  And that is, so, I don't know if I'd explore this as a joke on stage or anything, but I watched so much of that body cam stuff and interrogation shit, and I go, man, nobody, nobody dresses for the day that your son's gonna murder somebody.

• 23:06H. Foley?

  No.

• 23:06Speaker 03

  Because there is nothing funnier than coming in to be an advocate for your son while he's going through his murder.

• 23:12Speaker 01

  Says I'm with stupid.

• 23:14Speaker 03

  Marvin the Martian, it's like, it never makes sense, Looney Tunes something.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  I'm with the ax murderer.

• 23:22H. Foley?

  Pair of cut off flatbets.

• 23:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, relax.

• 23:24Speaker 01

  He didn't know it.

• 23:27Speaker 03

  Their clothes are always when they come over, it's like, uh, uh, one, I just saw one where they caught incest, uh, the mother was fucking one of the sons, and they brought her to the house and she's wearing her like, tank top like Kiss 77 Tour.

• 23:41H. Foley?

  I'm sorry, I didn't know, I love him. Sir, you're gonna take off your Margaritaville hat for this, and have a seat.

• 23:49Speaker 03

  The enjoyment people have over the.

• 23:52H. Foley?

  You wanna put your yard down, we have to talk to you.

• 23:54Speaker 03

  As they always, dress like you might be interrogated later that day.

• 23:57H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 23:59Speaker 03

  Dress like you might be on body cam, do not show Marvin the Martian, it's so funny, in the most heinous situations.

• 24:05H. Foley?

  If they were bringing you down, would you want, would you, can you kind of have a minute to change?

• 24:09Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 24:09H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 24:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, they did.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  Put on your good chain wallet.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, he goes, sorry guys, is this gonna be filmed, I trust?

• 24:17Speaker 01

  For, for legal purposes, your body cam's running right now, you gotta tell me.

• 24:20Speaker 03

  They are? Oh lord!

• 24:22H. Foley?

  I have dress pants upstairs, if you guys will excuse me. Does anyone have a belt by any chance?

• 24:27Speaker 01

  You guys have a set of suspenders?

• 24:29Speaker 03

  Actually funny for the first half of the wedding, by the way, I will say I used a belt, like a loop belt. Not a loop, I mean the belt with like buckle. Like belt on the, then when I went back up in the middle of the wedding and I was like, this isn't working good enough, the belt, it's not staying tight enough. I also have a magnet belt.

• 24:47H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 24:48Speaker 03

  Which is pretty nice. I'm wearing it right now in fact.

• 24:49H. Foley?

  It's that tight?

• 24:50Speaker 03

  Huh?

• 24:51H. Foley?

  It cinches that tight?

• 24:52Speaker 03

  You can make it as tight as you want.

• 24:53H. Foley?

  No, but I'm saying it holds that tight, the magnet's that strong.

• 24:56Speaker 01

  These are heavy duty magnets, these ain't fridge magnets.

• 24:59Speaker 03

  You wanna try this magnet?

• 25:00H. Foley?

  Is it, is it strong?

• 25:02Speaker 03

  Strong magnet.

• 25:04H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 25:06Speaker 01

  That, that skinny guy shit, he just whipped that off. He's a new Big Jay.

• 25:11H. Foley?

  Let me see that.

• 25:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's strong magnet.

• 25:14H. Foley?

  Holy shit. Just wipes all the cameras.

• 25:18Speaker 03

  It's gonna be a b-.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  Everything flies here.

• 25:22Speaker 03

  It's the strongest magnet.

• 25:24H. Foley?

  Damn, that's fucking, that's like university level strong.

• 25:28Speaker 03

  Paper clips start flying.

• 25:29Speaker 01

  That's like the, that's like the utility belt Bart Simpson got in that episode.

• 25:32H. Foley?

  Put it back on now, you took it off real slick.

• 25:35Speaker 03

  Sitting down?

• 25:36Speaker 01

  No, no, no. Was he Matt Damon?

• 25:41Speaker 03

  It's good to hear it's a fifty year old.

• 25:44H. Foley?

  I'm not Al Borland, for god's sake.

• 25:48Speaker 03

  Let's see, can we?

• 25:49H. Foley?

  Nah, I'm just busting your chops.

• 25:51Speaker 03

  Maybe we can.

• 25:52H. Foley?

  Buddy, thirty-six is fucking, you're, you're there. That's unreal.

• 25:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, now it's the, now I gotta worry about looking like a fucking flying squirrel.

• 26:05Speaker 03

  I'm losing weight, I start contemplating things like, should I get a tummy tuck like a bitch?

• 26:10Speaker 01

  Just join the X Games.

• 26:13Speaker 01

  People just go extreme.

• 26:15Speaker 03

  It is, once you've damaged your body as much as I have, for sure. It is so funny to kinda have to come back to the reality of like that situation.

• 26:24H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 26:24Speaker 03

  I was like, "You look good." And he goes, "Yes, you have my shirt." I've got the real, like, impossible to change damage to my body.

• 26:30H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think about that all the time, and like, that's one of the, like, the, the bad excuses that gets in your head.

• 26:36Speaker 01

  He's like, "Well, I'm gonna have to get surgery for all that loose skin." I'm like, "It's the least of our problems you got going on right now."

• 26:41H. Foley?

  I know a guy who lost a bunch of weight. He got a tummy tuck. He had to get a new belly button.

• 26:45Speaker 03

  That's what I mean.

• 26:46H. Foley?

  They got a new belly button.

• 26:47Speaker 03

  At very best, if you get a tummy tuck.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  By the way, for the audio listener, he just put that belt on, sitting down.

• 26:52H. Foley?

  Sitting down.

• 26:53Speaker 01

  That is what we call in the business.

• 26:54H. Foley?

  Skinny mini.

• 26:55Speaker 01

  A tight little body.

• 26:56H. Foley?

  Tight little ass on that kid.

• 26:59Speaker 01

  T L B, tight little body.

• 27:01Speaker 03

  T L B, tight little bod. What the fuck are we saying?

• 27:03Speaker 01

  Oh, new belly button.

• 27:05Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. The tummy tuck, at very best, if they don't, I'd rather have them, I know they do sometime where they take the belly button off and just move it completely as it is. I'd rather that one. You see someone get a tummy tuck, their belly button's always like a straight line up and down. That's the tell.

• 27:20Speaker 01

  I don't know, I wouldn't mind.

• 27:21H. Foley?

  Would you do no belly button?

• 27:22Speaker 03

  Just, just nothing at all?

• 27:24H. Foley?

  Just nothing.

• 27:25Speaker 01

  Go alien?

• 27:26H. Foley?

  Can you imagine freaking people out?

• 27:28Speaker 03

  He goes, "I wasn't born. I was created."

• 27:31H. Foley?

  The immaculate conception.

• 27:33Speaker 01

  Just go no belly button.

• 27:37Speaker 03

  Does every picture of Jesus have a fucking belly button? He's always shirtless.

• 27:41H. Foley?

  That's pretty, that's a good point.

• 27:43Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 27:44Speaker 03

  I guess he was born.

• 27:45H. Foley?

  No, no, he was born. Yeah, he was born. Right.

• 27:47Speaker 03

  We all thought the same thing there.

• 27:48Speaker 01

  We're all just three idiots.

• 27:49Speaker 03

  Isn't it funny when you...

• 27:50Speaker 01

  I was like, "You just..."

• 27:51Speaker 03

  He goes, "Holy shit."

• 27:53Speaker 01

  Jay just took down, Jay just took down the Catholic Church.

• 27:55Speaker 03

  Oh, no. Right, right.

• 27:56Speaker 01

  "Are you the new Pope? What the fuck?" And you're like, "Nah, he was born. Oh, yeah, you're right."

• 28:01H. Foley?

  2,500 years of Christianity down the tubes.

• 28:04Speaker 01

  Big Jay cracks it.

• 28:06Speaker 03

  All those pictures and statues have belly buttons.

• 28:08Speaker 01

  He's two beers deep. You know what? I think I got it.

• 28:12H. Foley?

  There's a bunch of Cardinals in the Vatican right now. "Sir, the guy in the loose pants foiled us. We're screwed."

• 28:17Speaker 01

  We told you not to let him get skinny. He's got all his brain power.

• 28:22Speaker 03

  Oh, shit.

• 28:23Speaker 01

  He's not worried about eating all day.

• 28:25H. Foley?

  Wait, did Jesus have a belly button?

• 28:27Speaker 03

  Oh, I would love to fucking...

• 28:29Speaker 01

  Man, we just bought, that's how stupid we are.

• 28:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, we all bought it. Wait a sec.

• 28:35Speaker 01

  Get on that.

• 28:36Speaker 03

  I'm, uh, and then I'm so afraid of getting any kind of the surgeries, cause I went in for a consultation to get a, uh, to get liposuction in my above dick area I was thinking about.

• 28:50Speaker 01

  What, to get a bigger hog?

• 28:52H. Foley?

  No, to get the mound down a little bit.

• 28:54Speaker 03

  A bigger, a bigger hang, a bigger hang.

• 28:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a bigger hog in my book.

• 28:58Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  Listen, I've also, I've also been to said consultation.

• 29:02H. Foley?

  You take, you take the mound down a little bit.

• 29:04Speaker 03

  Take the mound down, what you're going for.

• 29:07H. Foley?

  Go from a softball mound to a baseball mound.

• 29:10Speaker 03

  Two things that took me away from this was going in, first of all, the lady receptionist knowing exactly what I was there for, and then giving me a stack of paperwork, eighty percent of which was going like, you're probably gonna die on anesthesia. So just let us know that you don't care. So all that kinda got me nervous. I'm like, why is so much anesthesia releases? And then I went in and the guy, it was just me and the doctor, and he goes, uh, drop your pants. I don't know why I didn't think he was gonna say that, but of course.

• 29:37Speaker 01

  No, we can do this all with my pants on. I got a new belt, this whole thing.

• 29:39Speaker 03

  Well, I wasn't gonna, this is just to see what he thinks he could do.

• 29:43H. Foley?

  Can I just draw it for you?

• 29:45Speaker 03

  He goes, drop your pants to your knees.

• 29:47Speaker 01

  Can I get hard first, Doc?

• 29:49Speaker 03

  This was go, oh, I was trying to get hard before he came in. It never works. And then I was, uh, and then he comes in and he, uh, drop your pants to your knees. I go, okay, and I do. And then he goes, walk over in front of this mirror. I'm like, ah. So I shuffle over to the mirror and he-

• 30:04Speaker 01

  Shoes on still.

• 30:05Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 30:06Speaker 01

  Shoes and pants.

• 30:06Speaker 03

  He swings his chair over to me, and I mean, he is eye level with my dick. And he just, in the mirror, he's just like, so, he's facing me, I'm facing the mirror, and he goes, so this is what your penis hang looks like now? And then he just put his hands on either side of it, and he pushes back my dick mound.

• 30:27Speaker 01

  I know the move.

• 30:28Speaker 03

  He goes, and this is how it will look after. And I went, okay. All right, so I'm gonna think about it? Leave me alone?

• 30:34H. Foley?

  This is what it looks like in my mouth.

• 30:38Speaker 03

  Would you like to see what it looks like inside of me?

• 30:41H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 30:42Speaker 03

  It was so, and I walked out, I was like, nah, I'm okay, man.

• 30:45H. Foley?

  Yeah, the anesthesia, that's because those are long procedures, they'll get, and that's, that's, that's another thing to you think about. Do all that work, you get, you lose all the weight, you go in and you fucking, you're about to start closing a hot ass because you're skinny. Then you fucking die on the operating table because of the anesthesia, getting the belly button put in.

• 31:01Speaker 03

  I know, they fucking.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, might as well just stay 450.

• 31:03Speaker 03

  I know a weird amount.

• 31:04H. Foley?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 31:05Speaker 03

  I know a weird amount, well, there is something to the idea that you were like, I wish I could have gotten down to like, uh, Burt Kreischer type fat. My dad had that kind of fat too, and I, that was never mine. Mine was always like, just like mushy kinda.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  Me too, yeah.

• 31:21Speaker 03

  That's solid, it looks so much better when the belly is just a, like a hard ball.

• 31:26Speaker 01

  When it's outlet, you add, doesn't hang and jiggle.

• 31:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:29H. Foley?

  You have the good legs though. Burt has the good legs, you have the good legs. I got the, I got the, I got the, the, uh, what's his name? Um, who plays for the Roots?

• 31:38Speaker 03

  Oh, uh, Questlove.

• 31:39H. Foley?

  Yeah, I got the Questlove body.

• 31:39Speaker 01

  You got lunch lady ass.

• 31:42Speaker 03

  Questlove is built like a pear.

• 31:43H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 31:44Speaker 03

  It's when he comes out from behind that drum, you're like, what the fuck?

• 31:47H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 31:47Speaker 03

  It's a bowling pin.

• 31:48Speaker 01

  Couple of bass drums in there.

• 31:50H. Foley?

  Looks like a queen termite or something like that. No disrespect, obviously.

• 31:54Speaker 01

  He got it too.

• 31:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, my legs were always fine. My ass is a mess. Awful. And I say, I say this in every show I go on, by the way, including my own, if you're willing, is this my camera? If you're willing, the audience is willing to pay for me, I'll get a fat ass.

• 32:08H. Foley?

  Brazilian butt lift?

• 32:09Speaker 03

  I'll never pay for it myself, but I will get a fat ass if paid for by the fans. If you guys want to see me with a fat juicy, I'll do it.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  You hear that, gang?

• 32:17Speaker 01

  Oh, what's that gotta run you, 15 grand, something like that?

• 32:20Speaker 03

  I don't know if you want it done right.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  1500.

• 32:22Speaker 03

  Depends if you want it done right, I guess. There's gotta be great ones because people keep getting them done. All you hear about is the horror stories, and I see the stupid ones. Like I've seen, like, especially when I live in the city, the lady just walking around with like, it doesn't make any sense, like comes out the side.

• 32:35H. Foley?

  I just saw an episode of, uh, Miss Pat Settles it, where a guy was suing, uh, a plastic surgeon because he was supposed to get like 300 cc's, or 900 cc's.

• 32:46Speaker 03

  Of ass?

• 32:47H. Foley?

  He was, yeah, he was getting it done, and he only had like 2,500 bucks or whatever. He only had half of the money. So the lady put in half of the, of the cc's of stuff, and his ass don't look right. And he was suing her because it didn't, he needed more.

• 33:02Speaker 03

  It is funny to not like your own ass as a man.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  And then go on television like, "She fucked my ass up."

• 33:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:08Speaker 01

  It don't look no good.

• 33:09Speaker 03

  My stupid ass. It's to be sad about that at all. It's something you never thought you'd worry about.

• 33:13H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 33:14Speaker 03

  Balding, sure, but your ass not being great?

• 33:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've just, I've kind of, I've kind of just say it's never, nothing's ever gonna be great on me. I got a bad ass, got a bad hog, bad body.

• 33:26H. Foley?

  It's gonna be what it's gonna be.

• 33:27Speaker 01

  It is what it is.

• 33:29Speaker 03

  As long as you-

• 33:29Speaker 01

  I got bad hair.

• 33:30Speaker 03

  As long as you can show you're not nice, though.

• 33:32Speaker 01

  He shows you.

• 33:32Speaker 03

  You probably look great in a tuxedo.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  Not really.

• 33:35Speaker 03

  No, I bet you do. I bet you, I bet you wear a suit okay.

• 33:37H. Foley?

  Mm-mm. He doesn't.

• 33:38Speaker 03

  No.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  I've, I've, my, my move is I stopped going, uh, you know, I, I got this from, uh, Mr. Volcano as well. He goes, "I, I don't do shirt and tie anymore." I'll, he's like, "I've, I've, I've worked enough, I've accomplished enough that like, I just don't look good in it." So I just do like, uh, kinda like a knitted shirt or something like that.

• 33:56Speaker 03

  Sure. Button down.

• 33:58Speaker 01

  No, no, no button down. Like, just fucking like a light sweater or something like that.

• 34:02H. Foley?

  Did you have a jacket for the untucked shirt at the wedding?

• 34:05Speaker 03

  No.

• 34:05H. Foley?

  So you just had untucked, regular dress shirt?

• 34:07Speaker 01

  You didn't have a jacket?

• 34:09H. Foley?

  Did you have a tie?

• 34:09Speaker 03

  No.

• 34:10Speaker 01

  Dressed like your old Miss Pat settles it.

• 34:12Speaker 03

  Yeah. I figure I wear black dress pants and a black dress shirt, untucked.

• 34:16H. Foley?

  They probably thought you worked there.

• 34:18Speaker 01

  Thought you were a caterer or something.

• 34:19Speaker 03

  I didn't overthink it, and I will say that, uh, one of Vecchio's friends, who's not in comedy, who I know sort of?

• 34:27H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 34:27Speaker 03

  Like, this was, I was already dealing with all this the whole time. And then, right before I went to go put on my magnet belt, instead of the leather belt, uh, that guy just said to me, he goes, "Damn, Jay, I thought, I thought maybe we'd even get you in a, in a suit jacket for this event, huh?" And I was like, "Who's this fucking asshole?"

• 34:43Speaker 01

  Fuck you, dude.

• 34:44H. Foley?

  Yeah, I'm gonna go get my magnet belt and then see what he has to say.

• 34:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, you know what? I'm starting to think we're about to fight.

• 34:49Speaker 01

  We're out of your pants.

• 34:51H. Foley?

  I'm gonna ruin your credit cards.

• 34:52Speaker 03

  I started thinking to myself, "I'm gonna have to fight tonight. I should probably seal these up with some magnets."

• 34:57Speaker 01

  Probably go put my N1 shorts on, in case I gotta fuck this dude up.

• 35:01H. Foley?

  Hope you don't got a pacemaker in. Well, fucking short circuit your ass in a second.

• 35:06Speaker 03

  N1, what a great character they had for that mascot until it was nothing anymore. Just a blank-faced gray guy.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  The blank face, yeah. Shout out to N1.

• 35:15H. Foley?

  Alright, let's do some cues for Mr. Oakerson.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  Well, speaking of a wedding too, this was a recent one we had talked about. I don't know if you've ever been in this situation, but we were, we kinda got a little bit of flack. If you're, get invited to a dry wedding. It could be dry for whatever reason, it's a dry wedding. Is it wrong to have a couple of drinks before and/or sneak in a flask or a shooter or something like that? What are your, would you do that or would you go, "I'm flying high and dry the whole time"?

• 35:42Speaker 03

  Maybe a couple before if it's brought up, but booze isn't my vice like that, really.

• 35:46H. Foley?

  You'll be smoked up, though.

• 35:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:48Speaker 01

  You're the only one at the table currently drinking.

• 35:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:51Speaker 01

  I don't know, I'm laying off the bar.

• 35:53H. Foley?

  It's not open yet.

• 35:54Speaker 01

  That's his second one.

• 35:55H. Foley?

  Oh, it is?

• 35:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:57Speaker 03

  It will be. The second one.

• 35:59Speaker 01

  Okay. You would just get high and be like, "I can just..."

• 36:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:03Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 36:04Speaker 03

  Not that much. But if somebody before the thing was like, they were like, "Hey, there's beers. Do you want a beer in the shop before we go?" And I go, "Sure." But if that wasn't presented, I'm not like searching like, "Let's stop at a bar first before we go."

• 36:14Speaker 01

  Me either.

• 36:15H. Foley?

  This has been fl-.

• 36:16Speaker 01

  Totally not me.

• 36:17H. Foley?

  Kip, what do you say about True Classics?

• 36:19Speaker 01

  Oooh, love that, OG True Classics, love 'em.

• 36:21H. Foley?

  The best t-shirts in the biz, I'm wearing one right now. It's comfy, it fits perfect, and I absolutely love it. Do yourself a favor, go to True Classics, and they don't just got t-shirts anymore. Talking about active wear, talking about nice quality stuff.

• 36:35Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 36:36H. Foley?

  Don't be wasting money on shitty t-shirts at Walmart or wherever. Order them on True Classics, they wash great, they feel great, and you will thank us after.

• 36:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, I actually just, I'm down a couple pounds, I had to get some new clothes.

• 36:49H. Foley?

  You're down a couple pounds?

• 36:50Speaker 01

  I needed to get some new clothes.

• 36:51H. Foley?

  Need some new clothes.

• 36:52Speaker 01

  I got new True Classic pants. They came this morning. They were so, I didn't want to wear them out today.

• 36:58H. Foley?

  What are they?

• 36:59Speaker 01

  They're like, they're like jean, like, light, nice, fit, tailored jeans. They're fan frickin' tail, you look like, it's cool guys' stuff, you know what I mean? True Classic has one mission, it's to make sure guys look good and feel even better, and they've nailed the fit, the feel, and the pro- Price across the entire wardrobe, not just the tees. Like I said, I got the pants. And baby, I'm about to be unleashed on this city. They got hoodies, jeans, activewear, everything you need to level up your everyday style.

• 37:24H. Foley?

  So guys, forget the overpriced designer nonsense. Skip the cheap throwaways. True Classics delivers premium, essential, built for real life. Grab yours at Target or Costco or head over to trueclassic.com/garbage to get hooked up today.

• 37:40Speaker 01

  Now, back to the show.

• 37:41H. Foley?

  Back to the show.

• 37:42Speaker 04

  Your sausage McMuffin with egg didn't change. Your receipt did. The sausage McMuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just $5. Only at McDonald's for a limited time.

• 37:55Speaker 05

  Price and participation may vary. Promotion pricing may be lower than real pricing.

• 37:57H. Foley?

  This has been floating around the office a little bit too. Um, you're having a couple, there's a couple of parts to it. So, let's say you're having a housewarming party or whatever. Um, everybody's coming over. Some fringe people, not, it's not like your tight circle. It's, you know, associates and stuff like that. First of all, is the upstairs off limits? For you?

• 38:20Speaker 03

  Of my house?

• 38:21H. Foley?

  Yes. Are the, are the, are the bedroom doors all closed and kind of?

• 38:25Speaker 01

  No, let's say not, not, not day to day. You're having people over.

• 38:28H. Foley?

  Yeah, you're having a party.

• 38:30Speaker 03

  Yeah. Uh, no.

• 38:32Speaker 01

  Bedroom doors open.

• 38:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:33H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 38:34Speaker 03

  I think I'm saying, I don't have anything humiliating out.

• 38:37H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 38:38Speaker 03

  That I worry about, I guess.

• 38:39H. Foley?

  Is there, there's a master bathroom in your bedroom, right?

• 38:42Speaker 03

  Sure, yeah.

• 38:42H. Foley?

  Now, what if somebody had to use the bathroom to go number two? And they wanted to use that bathroom. Would you be okay with that?

• 38:50Speaker 01

  When there is a ample hall bathroom.

• 38:52Speaker 03

  I wouldn't love it. I wouldn't love that at all.

• 38:55Speaker 01

  Okay, let's say it was fully.

• 38:59Speaker 03

  I mean, we have bidets now, which is nice. So you're going to be clean when you get out of there.

• 39:02H. Foley?

  But you're dumping downstairs anywhere near that party. I could ruin that party.

• 39:06Speaker 03

  It's true.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  I say he's got to go home. Say that's the end, the party's over.

• 39:10H. Foley?

  And the second part is if you go to a party like that, okay, say you were at, uh, not Louis's house, because I feel like you guys are too close, but like, I don't know.

• 39:20Speaker 01

  Say you're at a family member, like a, well, you know, not like, you know, I'm trying to think.

• 39:24H. Foley?

  Christine's family or something like that, alright?

• 39:27Speaker 01

  Something where it's an away game and you gotta do a bad, a bad dump.

• 39:31Speaker 03

  We're in a high level emergency right now, we're saying.

• 39:33H. Foley?

  Yeah, okay, let's say Louis, you're at Louis's house, Louis is having a party, okay? Louis is having a party at his new house or whatever, there's a bunch of people there, all that stuff, you gotta take a dump. Where, where are you gonna go take that dump?

• 39:46Speaker 03

  Oh, I-

• 39:47H. Foley?

  What are you gonna do?

• 39:48Speaker 03

  Before I would go there, at his place, unless he had like, hey, there's a super private one in a place that no one will know at all, I'd leave, probably try to find a Starbucks. If I really wanted to stay at the party, I'd leave and try to find a Starbucks. And if there, I couldn't find it in Starbucks, I'm out. I wouldn't return to the party, that would just, I wish I could buy the whole thing to go get a dump.

• 40:10H. Foley?

  And just go home and poop?

• 40:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:11H. Foley?

  So you wouldn't make the move there?

• 40:13Speaker 03

  No, but as I say, you know, who knows what time will bring with situations, because I have learned, I'd say in the past year, when I get off, uh, the plane, or get to the airport, even if I, I'd wake up always early enough before, if my car's picking me up at 4:30 to go to the airport. I wake up at four to definitely try to shit.

• 40:33H. Foley?

  Just to let your body-

• 40:34Speaker 03

  Try.

• 40:34H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 40:35Speaker 03

  I'll give it a shot. Now, the problem with doing that sometimes is your body's not ready to shit.

• 40:40H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 40:40Speaker 03

  But you've now started the process somehow.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  System's engaged.

• 40:44Speaker 03

  And when you get to the airport, or land, uh, on the other side, if your mind's on it, you might not be able to get away, so I've learned how to shit at the airport, like, and just, I learned where to go, I've learned which ones to use.

• 40:58Speaker 01

  I don't mind.

• 40:59Speaker 03

  Delta Lounge is pretty solid. They have bathrooms that are just individual bathrooms, it's apparently for families.

• 41:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  And me, there's families and just me, because, uh, I'll go in there and drop one, for sure, I always have wipes in my bag, uh, ready to go, so, but at someone's party? No, I, my worst time I had to leave and come back, that was horrible, was Eagles, Super Bowl against the Patriots, 2017, right?

• 41:27H. Foley?

  Where were you?

• 41:28Speaker 03

  We watched it at the Cellar.

• 41:30H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 41:30Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 41:31Speaker 03

  Me versus Bobby Kelly, basically. We had like two factions of people sitting watching it.

• 41:34Speaker 01

  That's a tough bathroom.

• 41:36Speaker 03

  It was, well, I didn't go.

• 41:37Speaker 01

  VU?

• 41:37Speaker 03

  I went to the VU.

• 41:38H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 41:39Speaker 03

  I had to go so bad at halftime that I still to this day have never seen, was it Justin Timberlake? Uh, halftime show? Never saw it. Because as soon as I think when I was like, I don't think I'm gonna make it. We were eating, we brought in cheese steaks and Bobby brought a six foot hoagie and there was cellar wings and and the perfect storm was happening inside of me and I went over and I had to go to the the VU and I went downstairs where the attendant guy was. And uh, I'll tell you what, came back a few hundred million bucks though, but never uh, not emotionally a million bucks because I wear that the rest of the day where I'm like.

• 42:14Speaker 01

  I feel everyone knows I just took a big shit.

• 42:17Speaker 03

  And even if they don't, I'm like, they know because in my mind, I'm always like, I wiped, I wipe as good as you can wipe. We talked about that before, she was problematical wiping.

• 42:24Speaker 01

  I'm right there, I'm right there with you. You feel like there's still some on your butt, they see it, they smell it.

• 42:27Speaker 03

  As soon as I, as soon as I leave though, exactly. As soon as I walk out of there, I'm like, even if I've cleaned two knuckles deep of white toilet paper up my asshole, I go, there's something on my cheeks. Somehow it got on my cheeks or something. I didn't wipe my cheeks and maybe it's on my cheeks. And then the next time, and then I start phantom smelling shit and start going like, and that's a, ask them, you guys smell that? And they'll be like, no. I go, yeah, I don't know, I must be crazy or something. I just testing the waters to see if it's me.

• 42:57Speaker 01

  It's poop paranoia.

• 42:58Speaker 03

  Poop paranoia for sure.

• 42:59H. Foley?

  So you wouldn't appreciate me pooping in your bathroom?

• 43:02Speaker 03

  I've, I have so many loose poop friends. I'm over that thing at this point. Yeah, Josh Edmire, Dan Soder, these are guys who will just drop anywhere and take a shit. Hey, I have to go in this room right next to you and take a shit.

• 43:16Speaker 01

  Listen, I think that's fair as comics. We share green rooms, we share hotel rooms, we've shared all of this stuff. That's fine as comics.

• 43:25Speaker 03

  It's like a prison cell.

• 43:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, you know, it is what it is. We live, you know, a little outside the boundaries of normal. Like, he's doing it at a family, like a non, these aren't com, these are like normal, it's Christmas, he's pooping. In someone's bedroom at Christmas. That feels like a big swing.

• 43:41Speaker 03

  I appreciate the, you're not gonna let a, I've had having to take a shit ruin a night for me. Uh, or a day. You don't let it get in your way like that. I appreciate that. You know, I gotta shit, I gotta, I gotta shit, I gotta shit. Will you get up in a restaurant and be like, I'll be back?

• 43:57H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 43:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:59Speaker 01

  I also think, I mean, if you're pooping at a restaurant, that's you-

• 44:03H. Foley?

  It's like a psoriasis medicine commercial.

• 44:05Speaker 01

  You've misplaced-

• 44:06H. Foley?

  I'm not gonna let taking a dump ruin my day. I'm out there living my life.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  Nothing is everything. Now that's 20%.

• 44:14Speaker 03

  If you have Montevideo bathrooms.

• 44:16Speaker 01

  Oh, oh, oh, he dumped one.

• 44:19Speaker 03

  I, uh, in a restaurant, also if I have to take a shit at a restaurant, I've mistimed my day.

• 44:25Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying, man. Dude, you're at a restaurant for 90 minutes.

• 44:28H. Foley?

  I've never had to do that mid-meal.

• 44:30Speaker 03

  It's not even that. It's like, I, I assume before I go out to- If I go out to eat, I've tried to, I've already aggressively tried to empty my body so I can eat.

• 44:39Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 44:40Speaker 03

  Do you know what I mean? Like, I wanna eat, so I try to like, if I go in there feeling at all like I'm full or have to take a dump, I'm, I'm not gonna wanna eat.

• 44:46Speaker 01

  I remember being at a dueling-

• 44:47H. Foley?

  Not wasting money on these crab legs.

• 44:50Speaker 01

  I remember being at a dueling pianos bar in Philly.

• 44:53Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 44:54Speaker 01

  Hi to me, hi to Cool Kev going out. I got a nice button up on Express probably, put it on my Express credit card, never paid. Um, and I remember, I gotta, I gotta shit, I gotta shit, I'm more out at night, it's like a club and I gotta dump.

• 45:10Speaker 03

  It's a dueling pianos place.

• 45:11Speaker 01

  It's a dueling, maybe not a club.

• 45:14Speaker 03

  We're not at pulsations.

• 45:16Speaker 01

  It wasn't recess, okay? It wasn't Red Sky.

• 45:19H. Foley?

  What do they do at a dueling piano place? So they're like-

• 45:22Speaker 03

  Two guys play pianos?

• 45:23H. Foley?

  At the same time?

• 45:24Speaker 03

  They wait for a drunk girl to get up and slide on top of them and start-

• 45:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, and they go, hey, they can just like improv every song kind of, and if they don't know it, that's half the thing, like, ah, ba, ga, da.

• 45:34H. Foley?

  So they go back and forth?

• 45:35Speaker 01

  Well, just like one will play a song or two, then they'll get a request. Say it's me and Jay, say we're each piano players.

• 45:40H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 45:40Speaker 01

  You wanna request, I wanna request, uh-

• 45:42H. Foley?

  Hey, I gotta take a shit.

• 45:44Speaker 01

  There's a man in the bathroom dumping.

• 45:47Speaker 03

  Hey, can you sing that song? Can you give me a five minute song? I'm gonna go see if I can-

• 45:50Speaker 01

  Squeeze one out, right?

• 45:51H. Foley?

  Oh man, if you're the piano player and you disappear for 10 minutes and come back, one sleeves rolled up?

• 45:57Speaker 01

  Uh, I, uh, I, I was in the ba, it was like one of them, it was like two urinals and a stall, and I gotta, it's, I'm, you know, it's bad. And, uh-

• 46:08Speaker 01

  I was in line, I was trying to time it to where it's just like, I'm, I don't want to have to be like, I gotta shit, so I'm, I'm open at times out. So then stall opens up and I can just go in the stall. Cause there's a line, I don't want to announce to the line that, you know, I gotta take a dude.

• 46:22H. Foley?

  You got caution tape on ya?

• 46:25H. Foley?

  Seal yourself in.

• 46:26Speaker 03

  Doing piano, so you made me love you, I didn't wanna do it, I didn't wanna do it. Just throws the locks.

• 46:33Speaker 01

  And, uh, so then the guy's like, a urinal opened up and I'm like, nah, like the guy behind me is like, oh, there you go.

• 46:39H. Foley?

  I got a small dick, go ahead.

• 46:40Speaker 01

  I go, that's all you, man, I gotta, I gotta take a shit. And he, I was like, I, I, I think I gotta shit or something, I didn't want to, dude, and I mean, it was like knocking at the door bad. And I get in there and I immediately let loose. And the two guys peeing, we're like, boys? He's like, you believe this fat guy pooping at the club?

• 47:01Speaker 03

  Ah.

• 47:02Speaker 01

  And the one guy goes, how bad is your day that you didn't take care of this? I was still, I didn't know.

• 47:08Speaker 03

  Talking about you?

• 47:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, oh, yeah.

• 47:09H. Foley?

  Hey, fuck you guys!

• 47:10Speaker 01

  I could, I could've grabbed his ankle, he was right there.

• 47:13Speaker 03

  You know what's funny? When you're taking a shit in a public bathroom and farting, kinda goes with what's happening, I gotta get that. I still say, I would probably pull a cheek with my hand a little bit.

• 47:26Speaker 01

  You do a little, but you try to dampen it.

• 47:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, a little bit. When people are at the urinals, just cracking ass, I think I say sometimes, I go, oh. Like, I feel, I'm like, oh, is that?

• 47:36H. Foley?

  That's like old baseball coach shit doing that. Old guys do that.

• 47:42Speaker 03

  Just cracklass loud and a bit of urinal.

• 47:44Speaker 01

  Got your arm on the wall. Do it.

• 47:50H. Foley?

  Phillies are winning. Alright. It's enough potty talk.

• 47:55Speaker 01

  Uh, alright, let's see, like, as you, as you know, when you set up at a Patreon, we'll answer your garbage question. This one's just funny, this is from Adrian. Is it garbage to hit the heavy bag at the gym like a pro in hopes that the owner who runs a boxing gym watches the security footage and discovers me?

• 48:13Speaker 01

  I understand that level of delusion for sure.

• 48:17Speaker 03

  You know, if they just get to see me.

• 48:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, just like you're fucking really making, making a scene.

• 48:22Speaker 03

  A heavy bag.

• 48:24Speaker 03

  I'd say, yeah, it's definitely garbage.

• 48:26H. Foley?

  Do you ever get into that? You ever hit the heavy bag or any of that boxing shit at the gym? Did you ever have a heavy bag?

• 48:32Speaker 03

  I had a heavy bag.

• 48:33H. Foley?

  Really?

• 48:33Speaker 03

  Yeah. When my mom let me at one point.

• 48:36Speaker 01

  Your stepdad was, is this that?

• 48:38Speaker 03

  No, he was not in heavy bag stuff at all. He was weightlifting only.

• 48:41H. Foley?

  Where was this hung up? Cause a lot of them are hung up improperly.

• 48:45Speaker 03

  Well, this one was.

• 48:46H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 48:46Speaker 03

  For sure. Um, my mom let me at one point, uh, so we, we lived in a duplex. Walk in the front door. I think I tell you when the guy busted the window.

• 48:56H. Foley?

  Right.

• 48:57Speaker 03

  My stepfather came in. So it was one flight of steps up was one apartment and then two more flights up was our apartment. That was in the basement. The scary basement, uh, had wash, two washing machines, two dryers. Each apartment had one, a set. And then there was a door that went to the two garage thing. Which nobody ever parked in ever. So my mom told me at one point that I could do whatever with the garage. You get to the point where you're a kid, you're like, I'm gonna do something that's my own.

• 49:24H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 49:25Speaker 03

  And so I made this terrifying, dark, concrete garage. Just like a hang spot for like sleepovers with my buddies and stuff where I put like just blankets down there. I think they let me put like a really shitty, I think it was a black and white TV that we still hooked up Nintendo to.

• 49:46H. Foley?

  And it's got the garage door right there?

• 49:47Speaker 03

  And the garage doors. Uh, and then, so the track for the garage door, I hung a half.

• 49:54H. Foley?

  Oh my god.

• 49:55Speaker 03

  Heavy bag from like, you know, the, the track.

• 49:58H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 49:58Speaker 03

  Where it could like clip on there. Cause it was the only metal thing. And I mean, all I remember about heavy bags from that thing was you definitely, what I never bought was gloves or wraps or anything. And you realize it hurts quick if you just punch it with raw fists. You're just punching leather. Yeah.

• 50:13H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 50:13Speaker 03

  And so I probably, if I had to say I punched and kicked that thing 15 times total in my life. Cumulative.

• 50:19H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 50:20Speaker 03

  You walk by one time and just give it like a rocky like.

• 50:22Speaker 01

  Elbow or something?

• 50:22Speaker 03

  There it is. Yep, the old bag.

• 50:26Speaker 01

  We had-

• 50:26Speaker 03

  Thing was shiny. Well, I got no marks on it when we got rid of that thing.

• 50:30Speaker 01

  My dad got one from a buddy at work that he worked with, gave him one. I was like, we're gonna set this up. I'm gonna be fuck- it's probably February. I'm like, I'm gonna be yoked by- come, come summer. I'm not- no t-shirt in the pool for Kipperino this summer. I'm gonna be fucking shredded. We never hung it up and it just leaned against the wall in the basement and I would be down there fucking slugging him with body shots.

• 50:54H. Foley?

  Like if you already got it down?

• 50:55Speaker 01

  Yeah. Just like, "You fucking pussy." Just hitting him with short fucking-

• 51:00Speaker 03

  Liver, kidney, liver, kidney.

• 51:02Speaker 01

  I got him in a headlock.

• 51:03H. Foley?

  This is how you fight a guy that's sleeping.

• 51:08Speaker 03

  You wait for your old man to fall asleep and you beat the shit out of him. Yeah, mom are leaving. Holy shit.

• 51:15Speaker 01

  Ah, okay. Ah, alright, this one's from Far's Dump. Hell of a name. Ever go to the bar on crutches? That's a tough look. I've seen it, for sure.

• 51:27H. Foley?

  Big chick move.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, the chick in the boot.

• 51:30Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 51:31Speaker 01

  They're also- I just saw, uh, I saw, this was maybe a couple of years ago. I was down in Wildwood, New Jersey. Very- guy was in an Allen Iverson shirt, uh, jersey, Allen Iverson jersey. No shirt on under the jersey, just the jersey.

• 51:43H. Foley?

  This is adding up.

• 51:45Speaker 03

  Tucked in, tucked in?

• 51:46Speaker 01

  Uh, no, not tucked in.

• 51:47Speaker 03

  That's always a look, dude. When someone tucks in a jersey.

• 51:49Speaker 01

  I went, "Oh, fuck."

• 51:50Speaker 03

  There was a Philly comic named Michael Rage. He used to always show up in a jersey tucked into his jeans, yeah, and a prostitute.

• 51:56Speaker 01

  Okay, that all checks out. Uh, and he had a neck brace on at Keenan's. Keenan's happy hour. Dude, and he couldn't, like, really ch- he had to, like, tilt his head back. I remember he was crushing Coronas. I was like, "This guy is fucking in it to win it, dude."

• 52:12H. Foley?

  You ever have a neck brace?

• 52:14Speaker 03

  No, never a neck brace. And anytime I've had crutches, for even like broken ankles and stuff, I'm so bad at them that I'd rather just-

• 52:22Speaker 01

  They suck.

• 52:22Speaker 03

  I'd rather just hobble. I just never quite got the motion.

• 52:25H. Foley?

  No.

• 52:25Speaker 03

  I would use them like they were forever crutches, like I'd move with them, like-

• 52:29H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 52:29Speaker 03

  And I'd go, "This is not how you're supposed to do it."

• 52:31Speaker 01

  Like you're hiking or whatever.

• 52:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, Nordic tracking.

• 52:34H. Foley?

  It was almost like an elliptical. I could never get the motion down.

• 52:37Speaker 03

  Yeah. And I'm like, "Am I supposed to put all of my body weight on my armpits and swing forward?" That's not it either, right?

• 52:43Speaker 01

  Hertz, like hell.

• 52:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's the other one. You put both in front of you and try to like swing your body forward. It's all.

• 52:50H. Foley?

  We had a kid who hurt himself in high school, did something to his leg and he was, I can't remember what the reason was. He was either too short or something like that, but he had to have the uh.

• 53:00Speaker 01

  Arm crutches.

• 53:01H. Foley?

  Yeah, the ones like the ones that you get when you have like um.

• 53:04Speaker 01

  Cerebral palsy.

• 53:05H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 53:06Speaker 01

  That's not for injuries, yeah.

• 53:07H. Foley?

  Yeah, he was rolling around with them.

• 53:09Speaker 03

  It's where it's got wrist and elbow grip.

• 53:10H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 53:11Speaker 01

  Had the handles in the front.

• 53:12H. Foley?

  Yeah. He was rolling around in them. I was like, god damn.

• 53:16Speaker 03

  Guy loves booze.

• 53:18Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, I never uh, I had crutches. I was on crutches for a minute and we had the, they hurt my under, I was a fat kid, so they hurt my, my under pits and uh, I remember my mom wrapped uh, like kitchen towels around it with duct tape. That was like the padding.

• 53:32Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, I've seen that.

• 53:34Speaker 01

  They were mismatched at that. The one.

• 53:36H. Foley?

  Christmas kitchen towels?

• 53:37Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, the one had like a cornucopia on it. The other one that was just a green.

• 53:41Speaker 03

  Bless his house.

• 53:43Speaker 01

  Kiss the cooker with it. Oh man. Uh, god damn. Uh, alright, this one's from Mitch Cranberry. Five dollar homie. Uh, are you garbage if a severance check you received when you got laid off was the most money you've ever had in your bank account at one time? That was only, that's like a dirtbag windfall. If you get like some sort of settlement check or like, you know, the unemployment check where if they hold it for, if they, if you don't get qualified for the first couple of weeks and then you get that one lump sum after a month.

• 54:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's gotta be, I think severance, if you're getting a severance check, it seems like it's a job that you, it shouldn't have been the most money you've ever had in your life. Do you know what I mean? If it's a job.

• 54:25H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 54:26Speaker 03

  Like no one gives you severance, no one gives you severance from like McDonald's or a fucking restaurant.

• 54:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:31H. Foley?

  I mean, that was probably somewhat of a decent job.

• 54:34Speaker 03

  That's what I mean. So it's the most money he's ever made at once? That's like a weird deal.

• 54:38Speaker 01

  It's a big dirtball right there.

• 54:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:40Speaker 01

  Either way.

• 54:41Speaker 03

  Yes, the answer is yes, you're trash garbage.

• 54:42Speaker 01

  He also said it wasn't a lot of money.

• 54:46Speaker 01

  Did not, did not assume that.

• 54:48Speaker 03

  Getting severance from like fucking Chuck E. Cheese or something.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  Dwayne Reed or something, yeah.

• 54:51H. Foley?

  I was always amazed by people like that, like they would be like, ah, I just got fired or whatever. And then they'd be like, yeah, they gave me three months.

• 54:57Speaker 01

  Take the summer off, yeah.

• 55:00Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:00Speaker 01

  Retire. That was always, I mean, I live such paycheck to paycheck, still do relatively at the moment. And it was so like, if you could have, I remember my one buddy inherited 10 grand from his grandmother who died when he was like, uh, fucking eight. And we were like, I remember being like.

• 55:18Speaker 03

  You have a billion dollars.

• 55:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would retire. You got 10 grand? 10 grand, high school, you got 10 grand. I'm like, fucking fuck college.

• 55:24Speaker 03

  Huge in high school.

• 55:25H. Foley?

  You never had a huge thing like that when you were a kid, right?

• 55:28Speaker 03

  No, no, so I, that's why I didn't get bar mitzvahed. Because, uh, that's why I said I didn't come from those kind of Jews. When all my friends told me they were getting bar mitzvahed because it was gonna be how they got their money for their first car.

• 55:39Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 55:39Speaker 03

  And everyone gives the number, I was like, oh no, like, you know. My Jewish uncle got stabbed in the lungs by a biker gang. He was trying to leave or join, I don't remember, but like, either way.

• 55:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, either in or out.

• 55:51Speaker 03

  He's dead now from heroin, so, long story short is, uh, the bar mitzvah package wasn't gonna.

• 55:56Speaker 01

  The Bubba and Zeta aren't really, uh, cut me the, Diddy's not showing up to perform if I.

• 56:01Speaker 03

  No, no, no, once, once Pop Pop died, my mom got a settlement from the Navy. And that was the, that was the wealthy, by the way, it was like six figures, but like, you know.

• 56:10Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 56:10Speaker 03

  A hundred, a hundred something thousand.

• 56:12H. Foley?

  Wow. What'd he do in the Navy?

• 56:14Speaker 03

  It did, uh, it was, it was a wrongful death, cause his whole crew of guys, they were, that was back when they were shoveling asbestos.

• 56:21H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 56:22Speaker 03

  At the Navy Yards down in Philly.

• 56:23H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 56:24Speaker 01

  You're such a dirtbag. Oh, there you go, that's good cash.

• 56:26Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 56:27Speaker 01

  Metodiloma money, look at you.

• 56:29H. Foley?

  What you got, Agent Orange, huh? Not bad.

• 56:31Speaker 01

  I didn't know I was royalty.

• 56:33H. Foley?

  Little Camp Lejeune, bad water. There you go. What are you bitching about?

• 56:38Speaker 03

  But, uh, she got like a hundred something thousand dollars, and I mean, that money.

• 56:41Speaker 01

  Bar mitzvah my ass.

• 56:43Speaker 03

  That money carried our whole family, I think, for years. And I mean, whole family like. Anytime someone needed like my mom or the move, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was like.

• 56:51Speaker 01

  We need a security deposit.

• 56:52Speaker 03

  We gotta go to mama, mama, you know, same thing.

• 56:55Speaker 01

  I love that though.

• 56:55Speaker 03

  First car I got, it was like a thousand dollar car. We cashed in all of my like savings bonds she got for me and like she would always, but she was always the coming, and cause we thought in our mind, I'm like, well, we only have one wealthy person in the family. It's mom. Really, you realize how little money that is in the grand scheme? But it, but it carried everybody.

• 57:14H. Foley?

  So this was.

• 57:14Speaker 01

  That's so beautiful, yeah.

• 57:14Speaker 03

  Cause she, because she just kept driving a shitty Buick Century.

• 57:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, she just had it in the bank.

• 57:19Speaker 03

  One of her friends died named Etta, her friend died and like her friend just left her the car. And so she had that car. So that, that was her, yeah, she got a Mazda something after the Buick my grandfather bought.

• 57:32H. Foley?

  Damn, everything coming up grandma, huh?

• 57:34Speaker 03

  But she never, yeah, nothing, no money was ever spent on her, on herself at all. She just stayed in a terrible neighborhood. Sitting on that a hundred K while fucking young battle rappers were figuring it out on her front step.

• 57:46H. Foley?

  Did, did, did your grandfather die of something related to that? Did he have like?

• 57:49Speaker 03

  That's what he died from. Yeah. He had a.

• 57:50H. Foley?

  Lung cancer?

• 57:51Speaker 03

  Asbestos, yeah, yeah.

• 57:51H. Foley?

  Damn.

• 57:52Speaker 01

  Think they're cutting a check like that for fucking pneumonia? No way.

• 57:56Speaker 03

  He was a civil, I think my grandmother led the charge. I think she called like his Navy buddies to be like, hey, you know, he passed away and they were all dead.

• 58:05H. Foley?

  Damn.

• 58:06Speaker 03

  So she rallied up the fucking, the wives to be like, yeah.

• 58:08Speaker 01

  Good for her.

• 58:09H. Foley?

  Good for her.

• 58:10Speaker 03

  And they, uh, yeah, they got some money, but it is funny that money, a hundred thousand dollars, man, you might as well have told me. It's like, oh, it's like Daddy Warbucks. Why don't we have an Indian flying planes with his mind?

• 58:25H. Foley?

  I didn't get that reference.

• 58:26Speaker 01

  That's a deep cut either.

• 58:27Speaker 03

  You guys never saw orphan, little orphan Annie, the movie Annie, the original movie?

• 58:31H. Foley?

  He had a, no, he, with Yul Brynner. He had an Indian guy that worked for him that could fly planes with his mind?

• 58:36Speaker 03

  No, no Yul Brynner in Annie.

• 58:38H. Foley?

  Yeah, Yul Brynner. Oh no, was it Albert Finney?

• 58:40Speaker 03

  Albert Finney.

• 58:41H. Foley?

  Oh, okay.

• 58:41Speaker 03

  He played Daddy Warbucks.

• 58:42H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 58:43Speaker 03

  And in Daddy Warbucks House, the character I loved the most was Punjab.

• 58:47H. Foley?

  That was just like his boy.

• 58:48Speaker 03

  His, uh, like assistant.

• 58:49H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 58:50Speaker 03

  Who do stuff in the house. And Punjab, at one point in the movie, which they just, it's not a weird thing at all. He's flying a, a model plane around the room with his mind. He's just making it go with his mind. You're supposed to just accept that blindly in the background. There's also a magic Indian here. Um, I'm not sure if we're gonna be able to keep you from this evil, uh, orphan lady, but we do have a magical Indian here. They didn't even ask, look into seeing if he could solve the problem.

• 59:13H. Foley?

  Yeah, straighten something out.

• 59:14Speaker 03

  A magical Indian, they was like, no, just you're the help.

• 59:17H. Foley?

  He could get a hundred grand for us, huh?

• 59:19Speaker 03

  He was the first 7-Up guy, Punjab.

• 59:21H. Foley?

  Oh, was he? The guy that never had it, never will?

• 59:22Speaker 03

  Punjab, Orlando Jones, Godfrey. That's the three, the 7-Up guy.

• 59:26H. Foley?

  Really?

• 59:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:27H. Foley?

  That's funny.

• 59:28Speaker 01

  I remember when I had a 7, make 7-Up your shirt, I wore it to 7th grade, immediately, they made me go to the nurse and turn it inside out.

• 59:35Speaker 03

  Really?

• 59:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, cause it's like, up your, it was like profanity, or whatever.

• 59:39Speaker 03

  Oh, 7-Up yours.

• 59:40Speaker 01

  Make 7, cause that was, the whole campaign was make 7, and the back of the shirt said up yours. So everybody's like, fuck you, fuck you, like, cause they were just reading up yours.

• 59:49H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:50Speaker 01

  So that was like the big thing, and like, they caused chaos when they walked down the street.

• 59:53Speaker 03

  I have to think, I have so many shirts that are just like, funny things I thought of or inappropriate to the world, that when I travel on the weekends, how many times I've had to like Fabreeze the shirt I came in? And flew in on because I realized the shirt I wore the night before, then I'm gonna fly and says like, I was, I do hand stuff.

• 1:00:12Speaker 01

  Where, you're making them?

• 1:00:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, just like fans make them, or I've made them and all, but it's like, they're like jokes, and they're definitely inappropriate for the world.

• 1:00:19Speaker 03

  I just don't even think about that, and I'm like, sometimes on a Saturday, when I, like, when I, when I lay my shirts out for the weekend, I always go, oh, I gotta wear that on Friday because I'm flying this one.

• 1:00:31Speaker 03

  I got some roughies, they stuff me on a plane.

• 1:00:34H. Foley?

  You're in Comfort Plus with a Everybody Loves Cock shirt on?

• 1:00:36Speaker 03

  Yeah. I flew one time, it says no God, no Santa, no snake pit. It's real big, no, no God, I'm like, piss people off.

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  What's snake pit?

• 1:00:46Speaker 03

  Oh, that was a shirt made for, uh, I said, uh, I know the, the bass player from Five Finger Death Punch, Chris Kale, and he, he was gonna hook us up, they were opening for Metallica.

• 1:00:57Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 1:00:58Speaker 03

  And Metallica's got a thing in the center of their stage called the snake pit, it's just an opening where you could fit a couple hundred people in there.

• 1:01:06Speaker 03

  And he was like, I'll get you guys in the snake pit. He told us like, alright, it's gonna be me, Bobby Kelly's son, and Christine. And he's like, yeah, I got you guys for sure. And when we got there and went to Will Call, of course, it wasn't Snake Pit. And Max, Bobby's son, of course, was devastated by this somehow. And we just couldn't, and like, we got, it was just, they busted my balls for a week that we didn't come through on the Snake Pit. Cause I didn't wanna call the guy and be like, hey, this isn't Snake Pit. I know you're getting ready to go play in front of MetLife Stadium, but worry about me and my friends? So I just accepted the tickets. And then Bobby had to go talk to Max, and Max goes, "It hurts, Dad." Which is like, playing up a bit, I would say. But he's like, "It hurts, Dad." And so we said he learned a lot of important lessons that day. No God, no Santa Claus, no Snake Pit.

• 1:01:51Speaker 03

  This shirt is a fan made, that's.

• 1:01:53Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 1:01:54Speaker 03

  But to explain all that to a TSA agent who's like, "What the fuck are you wearing?" I'm like, "No, no, no, I don't know if there's a God." You have to get into an existential conversation. Like, I don't know if there's a God, but this shirt's not really me saying there isn't, it's a...

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  It's not my place to say.

• 1:02:07H. Foley?

  Do you know the band Five Finger Discount by any chance?

• 1:02:11Speaker 03

  Are you familiar with Five Finger Death Punch?

• 1:02:13H. Foley?

  Five Finger Death Punch.

• 1:02:15Speaker 01

  Five Finger Discount.

• 1:02:16H. Foley?

  When you said that, that was the trashiest statement ever. You were like, "I know the bass player from Chris whatever from Five Finger..."

• 1:02:22Speaker 03

  Chris Kale, Five Finger Death Punch.

• 1:02:25H. Foley?

  You guys know what I'm talking about, of course.

• 1:02:26Speaker 01

  Also, like, dude, that's, that's a story like Kid Rock could've told. Then I can't even get into my Snake Pit, dude. There's no access to the Viper Lounge.

• 1:02:36Speaker 03

  I was about to call 47 about this.

• 1:02:39Speaker 01

  Oh, God, that's so funny. Alright, uh, we got time for a couple of more here. Uh, this is from Roscoe, $10 enabler here, never had one red. "Is it garbage if you know how long you can hold your breath as an adult? I'm 33 and just ripped 88 seconds."

• 1:02:53Speaker 03

  Damn.

• 1:02:53Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 1:02:54Speaker 03

  I don't think that's garbage at all.

• 1:02:55H. Foley?

  No.

• 1:02:56Speaker 03

  I think it's good to know. That's planning.

• 1:02:58H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:58Speaker 03

  Planning for life. What if you have to hold your breath for a long time for something?

• 1:03:01Speaker 01

  I bet, Dad.

• 1:03:02Speaker 03

  Preparedness. I don't think this is garbage at all.

• 1:03:04H. Foley?

  How long you think you could hold yours?

• 1:03:05Speaker 03

  Underwater. A minute? Could you do a minute?

• 1:03:09Speaker 01

  I might be 13 seconds.

• 1:03:10Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:03:12Speaker 01

  No, that was like, that was the big thing. As a fat, asthmatic kid, this is pre heaters.

• 1:03:16Speaker 03

  Oh, you're asthmatic.

• 1:03:17Speaker 01

  Pre heaters. They would have to hold me under, and like, everybody, my brother, everybody's ripping 30, 40, 50 seconds, and I'd come up at 12. Fucking seeing black dots and shit.

• 1:03:28H. Foley?

  Your fat's just naturally floating?

• 1:03:29Speaker 03

  I was gonna say, people think you-

• 1:03:30Speaker 01

  My legs come out.

• 1:03:31Speaker 03

  I used to think people thought I was cheating a lot in the holding your breath. Because of that, because no matter what, like you put your breath in it, when you're just trying to like focus on like holding your breath. And your fat body, your fat buoyant body just goes away, and then you have to just sit there, and then people are worried that you died during the thing, you're like, no, no, no!

• 1:03:45Speaker 01

  Dead man's float.

• 1:03:47H. Foley?

  When I'm in a pool, it looks like I'm in the Dead Sea, I'm like on top of the fucking thing. Two feet above the water. It's like air hockey. Just zipping back and forth.

• 1:03:57Speaker 03

  Is that a float tank? It's an Olympic pool.

• 1:03:59Speaker 01

  I'm completely dry. Bathing suit's not even, back in front of my bathing suit's not even wet.

• 1:04:04H. Foley?

  Like a shamwow.

• 1:04:07Speaker 01

  Why don't they make the whole bathing suit out of that stuff?

• 1:04:09H. Foley?

  I don't know. Those things are great.

• 1:04:13Speaker 01

  This one's from Kale, ever had a job where the vehicle had a permanent now hiring sticker on the back?

• 1:04:20Speaker 01

  I don't know, what are they, just perpetually hiring?

• 1:04:22H. Foley?

  Yeah!

• 1:04:23Speaker 03

  Some places, I'd have to assume.

• 1:04:25H. Foley?

  Just always advertising, get people on board.

• 1:04:27Speaker 01

  That's always, yeah, that's always like the cable company-

• 1:04:29H. Foley?

  Apply, apply here.

• 1:04:30Speaker 03

  Oh yeah.

• 1:04:31Speaker 01

  Con Ed or stuff like that.

• 1:04:32Speaker 03

  Guess that's true, I always thought it was like a 7-Eleven. Or something like that, gas stations are always hiring somebody.

• 1:04:37Speaker 01

  Always hiring, truck driver, a lot of the truck drivers like, you know, lease, you know, start making whatever, I've seen them with the salary, like you have fifty, two hundred dollars a month.

• 1:04:45H. Foley?

  Yeah, do you guys remember, there was like, late 90s, early 2000s, like kind of in the burbs, you would see like telephone poles and they would have, they would be like those advertisements for like painting jobs? Or like computer parts or something like that? Like make this amount a year, and they had like the things on them?

• 1:05:01Speaker 03

  Oh yeah.

• 1:05:02Speaker 01

  That was big.

• 1:05:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, that was mostly stuffing envelope jobs and shit like that.

• 1:05:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, or like cold call in, or like going and knocking, I did that for Verizon.

• 1:05:09H. Foley?

  When you were looking at one of those things, you were in a bad spot.

• 1:05:12Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, if you rip it off?

• 1:05:14H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:14Speaker 03

  And then later on, you gotta go, ah shit!

• 1:05:18Speaker 01

  I went to one, I found it, so I would do Craigslist. And I'd found the thing and I went, it was like a subcontractor for Verizon, you'd go to businesses and go, who's your guy? Can I see your bill? I can save you, whatever, if you switch over, and the kid, I, it was in South Jersey, it was in like Cherry Hill or Pensalkin, it's like one of those like complexes. Went in, it was like a rented conference room, they gave me the pitch, and I went out with a guy, like a kid, he's like, you'll go out with me, you'll shadow him today, unpaid, obviously, not paying me. Unpaid, and I get in-

• 1:05:48Speaker 03

  To learn.

• 1:05:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, and he's a kid.

• 1:05:49Speaker 03

  These are invaluable lessons.

• 1:05:51Speaker 01

  He had white Oakleys on, which is never a good look.

• 1:05:53Speaker 03

  Oh, yikes.

• 1:05:54Speaker 01

  And he's like, uh, you a big press? I'm a little hungover. I'm like, ah, yeah, I get after it till, you know, no. You ever been doing piano's bars? You ever shit at a club? And he's like, uh.

• 1:06:09Speaker 03

  I was at this piano place last night and this fat kid was taking a shit.

• 1:06:15Speaker 03

  Ruined my night. I couldn't even sleep. I'm exhausted.

• 1:06:18Speaker 01

  And he goes, uh, I go, yeah, he's like, yeah, I was at a big Halloween party last night. I was like, oh, yeah, where, you know, did you dress up or whatever? He's like, yeah. He's like, uh, you know Preston and Steve? It's like at the local. I'm like, yeah, it's like in the great radio station.

• 1:06:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:32Speaker 01

  And he's like, uh, we were at their party last night. I was like, oh, that's cool. And like, I listened on the drive down, you know what I mean of like, and he's like. I was like, who? I was like, what was your costume? He's like, we came in third. I'm like, what was your costume? He goes, me and my boys all dressed up as Tetris pieces. And I was like, I gotta get the fuck out of here. Fucking, you're bragging about the Tetris pieces. This is a fucking bad look.

• 1:06:53Speaker 03

  I've never felt like I, I was always oddball out in every goofy, like laborious job I ever took. He was going like, I just always remember having to meet a guy. It's like, you're meeting this guy and you guys are gonna go, we put like the, the, the hoses down for cars to run over to count cars for this company and shit. Always like, meaning just, or surveying where you hold the, the thing while he's taking a camera shot from across the street or something. I was always, and I just never was like, I'm never gonna be the guy.

• 1:07:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:20Speaker 03

  With the backwards sunglasses on my, on the back of his head while he's figuring out something. Like, I don't know. They're so like.

• 1:07:25H. Foley?

  You probably look good in an orange penny, though. I would imagine.

• 1:07:29Speaker 03

  Well, that was the job. That was the job. I said, they sent me out and I got my first prostitute with my grandmother's money.

• 1:07:34Speaker 01

  Right. We shit on you on Legionist Gangs for that, right?

• 1:07:38Speaker 03

  Poor, poor mom mom. She didn't know.

• 1:07:41Speaker 03

  She just wanna make sure I eat. I ate alright.

• 1:07:46Speaker 01

  Uh, we got time for one more and then we gotta wrap it up. This is from Nick, uh, very dirtbag thing. This is, "Hey gang, $10, uh, donator. If someone asks you how much an item costs, do you include the tax in the price? Example, if a TV costs 500, do you say 550 just to make it sound more expensive?" I always, I mean, I'll, I'll double it.

• 1:08:06H. Foley?

  Yeah, I never even think about that.

• 1:08:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, I would just say, "Yeah, whatever the price is, I throw the tax right in there."

• 1:08:11H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:11Speaker 03

  For sure. Whatever I paid.

• 1:08:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, whatever came out of my pocket. I don't even do that. If it was 500, I'm like, "That was fucking $1,500."

• 1:08:18Speaker 03

  I hate it going the other way so much that I've changed anything like buying ticket apps, always have that. There's a button you can push that says, "Include fees and taxes." Like, just tell me what the fucking hole is.

• 1:08:29H. Foley?

  Yeah, just tell me what the...

• 1:08:30Speaker 03

  Cause the StubHub kills you. You know what I'm gonna tell people? Doesn't matter, exactly. It doesn't matter if it's a $250 ticket. It might be a $415 ticket after they fucking hit you with StubHub. Yeah, so it's a $400 ticket.

• 1:08:40H. Foley?

  Fucking clean any out of...

• 1:08:41Speaker 03

  Pieces of shit.

• 1:08:42Speaker 01

  Scum, man.

• 1:08:43H. Foley?

  I need money for my magnet belt.

• 1:08:46Speaker 01

  Which you should get one.

• 1:08:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, I can't make this.

• 1:08:50H. Foley?

  Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Big Jay Oakerson.

• 1:08:52Speaker 01

  Ayyyy.

• 1:08:54H. Foley?

  Specials out on YouTube, Them and They. It's a two-parter, absolutely fantastic. Again, we mean that, dude.

• 1:08:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, best in the biz.

• 1:09:00H. Foley?

  It's unbelievable. Coming up this weekend, you want folks to know? What do you got?

• 1:09:03Speaker 03

  Uh, this weekend, no, in two weekends, I'm in Liberty, Ohio, Cincinnati area. Um, Governor's Long Island coming up. BigJayComedy.com for all my dates.

• 1:09:13H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 1:09:13Speaker 01

  Check 'em out. Uh, guys, we're all over the road. Tickets on sale now. Get them while supplies last.

• 1:09:19H. Foley?

  Ladies and gentlemen, we love you. Jay, we love you.

• 1:09:21Speaker 03

  Thank you, guys. Love you.

• 1:09:22H. Foley?

  See you next week.

• 1:09:23Speaker 03

  Peace.