Pod Insights Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast Fat Kid Nicknames! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley About this episode Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show!
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Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.
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Transcript 13,501 words · 6 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 H. Foley? Good Lord, ladies and gentlemen, I do declare there's some new Are You Garbage dates over there at areyougarbage.com.
0:06 Speaker 01 Yeah, the big man Antline, we just announced Netflix is a Joke Festival in Los Angeles on May 7th, and we have the Comedy Works in Denver, July 16th to July 18th. Get those tickets, these shows are gonna sell out, we love ya.
0:18 H. Foley? We'll see ya there.
0:19 Speaker 02 Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
0:38 H. Foley? Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?
0:44 Speaker 01 How you doing?
0:45 H. Foley? That little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out that they're going to be classy.
0:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:50 H. Foley? But they're just a big ol' piece of trash.
0:51 Speaker 01 Trash, trash, trash.
0:52 H. Foley? I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tootie's and a new addition, she's selling meth.
0:58 Speaker 01 Okay.
0:59 H. Foley? Just cut to the chase.
1:01 Speaker 01 Stop beating around the bush.
1:03 H. Foley? Stop beating around the bush.
1:04 Speaker 01 She's pushing weight.
1:05 H. Foley? Things are the way it is.
1:06 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
1:07 H. Foley? And this is what we're doing.
1:08 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:09 H. Foley? You know what I mean?
1:10 Speaker 01 Okay, Q1, baby, lock in.
1:11 H. Foley? Hey, we gotta be, we gotta be Boy Scouts all of a sudden now?
1:14 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
1:15 H. Foley? Whole place is falling apart.
1:16 Speaker 01 Sure.
1:17 H. Foley? Do what we do.
1:18 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:19 H. Foley? My cows is coming at you from across the table, we call it Family Episode. Somebody got a little bit of that product, to be honest with you. Some of them fumes that I'm in the bed.
1:26 Speaker 01 It's me or you?
1:27 H. Foley? Tootie!
1:28 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
1:29 H. Foley? Me!
1:30 Speaker 01 Can tell you already got meth mouth, your teeth are going.
1:31 H. Foley? Yeah, I got meth mouth before meth.
1:32 Speaker 01 [laughing]
1:36 H. Foley? This is what we call Family Episode.
1:37 Speaker 01 Man, hold, hold, hold. Somebody get him another hit, will you? Hey, bring in the fucking meth pipe, let's go. Holy heck.
1:46 H. Foley? Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies.
1:48 Speaker 01 And my plug.
1:51 H. Foley? That Kevin Ryan.
1:52 Speaker 01 What's up, gang?
1:53 H. Foley? Standing on ceremony. I didn't know where I was. You cut me off in the middle of that. It takes me a second to remember.
1:58 Speaker 01 Okay, that's my.
1:59 H. Foley? I'm an old man.
2:00 Speaker 01 Sure. What up, gang? Shout out to you as always. Please make Luke, sit down. Please make sure you... Luke, cut to yourself right now.
2:06 H. Foley? He's on meth, too. Jesus Christ.
2:07 Speaker 01 Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. I got a goddamn job to do here. Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing a friggin' charts.
2:17 H. Foley? Yeah, that's not exactly accurate.
2:19 Speaker 01 And we're dropping a little bit the numbers. The numbers are down. Listen.
2:23 H. Foley? We slipped out of the top 100 this week.
2:25 Speaker 01 What?
2:26 H. Foley? Yeah.
2:26 Speaker 01 Don't tell them that. They don't know. These people don't know what the hell they're doing.
2:29 H. Foley? Trying to be honest. We're taking.
2:32 Speaker 01 That's 1-800-METH if you need any. Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. And also, the boys are hitting the road again. The tour rolls on in 2026. We got Tampa, we got Chicago, we got Austin.
2:48 H. Foley? Cleveland.
2:49 Speaker 01 Cleveland. Bloomington, Indiana, Nashville. These tickets are going quick. And we're doing clubs. We're putting up the clubs.
2:55 H. Foley? Rochester, Tempe.
2:57 Speaker 01 Rochester, Tempe. What, are you going on tour with We Might Be Drunk or something? You double dipping?
3:03 H. Foley? Going out on the road solo.
3:05 Speaker 01 And also Denver Comedy Works, baby. Get them friggin' tickets. These shows are gonna sell out. You know the boys.
3:10 H. Foley? That's a weekend in Denver.
3:12 Speaker 01 You know the boys move tickets. Get them while they last.
3:15 H. Foley? Weekend at the Comedy Works here in Denver?
3:18 Speaker 01 We do multiple. We sell out multiple shows during the week on friggin' Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Get your tickets. These shows are gonna go. And I don't know if we're adding another one.
3:25 H. Foley? Nah, I like that Comedy Works out there.
3:27 Speaker 01 I might fuck around and do Red Rocks.
3:29 H. Foley? Weekend. Dude, what are we gonna do there?
3:30 Speaker 01 I'll grab lunch or something.
3:32 H. Foley? That's funny. He just had a dream about us doing Red Rocks. And we were making out.
3:35 Speaker 01 Did you have 15,000 fringe invited?
3:38 Speaker 03 I showed up late and I freaked out.
3:40 H. Foley? Luke's having dreams about me.
3:42 Speaker 01 Luke's having dreams about you?
3:44 H. Foley? Yeah.
3:44 Speaker 03 Well, the whole team. You just took that. Made it personal.
3:49 H. Foley? That's what I tend to do. Why is everybody posting about 2016?
3:53 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
3:54 H. Foley? That shit's annoying as fuck. Why? Why? What happened in 2016?
3:59 Speaker 01 Nothing. Why? What's the matter?
4:01 H. Foley? Because it's whack.
4:03 Speaker 01 Oh, it's whack?
4:03 H. Foley? Yeah.
4:04 Speaker 01 Hey. Hey, 50-year-old with a backwear, his own backwear, his own merch on.
4:08 H. Foley? That's because of my hair.
4:09 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
4:11 H. Foley? Trying to tame it. And I don't know if I put it in a ponytail, you're gonna freak out and make fun of me.
4:15 Speaker 01 Why would I freak out?
4:16 H. Foley? Call me ladyboy.
4:17 Speaker 01 Uh uh. Can we get an ankle cam on the big man to show off his new pants?
4:21 H. Foley? No, no.
4:24 Speaker 01 How far is, how big's that super wide go?
4:26 H. Foley? I like them. They're comfy and they're cozy.
4:28 Speaker 01 Oh yeah, comfy and they're cozy.
4:30 H. Foley? That's what, what's his face is wearing. I'm getting here with that.
4:33 Speaker 01 Who wants comfy and cozy pants?
4:35 H. Foley? Who's the kid? Eldis? Who's the good-looking kid?
4:38 Speaker 01 Stobby's boy?
4:38 H. Foley? No, not Stobby's boy. Shout out to Eldis, though. I love Eldis. Um, who's the actor? Jacob Malorty?
4:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:45 H. Foley? He's wearing a lot of baggy shit.
4:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's in.
4:48 H. Foley? Yeah, it's in. So, I don't know what to tell you.
4:50 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
4:50 H. Foley? I'm a hip, cool guy.
4:51 Speaker 01 Looking like a janitor on his first day of work.
4:54 H. Foley? I didn't have my uniform pants. That was always the case with me.
4:58 Speaker 01 Oh dude.
4:59 H. Foley? I never had the uniform pants.
5:01 Speaker 01 I remember my first job, Santo Pilato, strip mall pizza joint. About 12, 15 tables, maybe, may-
5:10 H. Foley? Sounds like a sex club.
5:12 Speaker 01 Um, shout out to Ralph and Christina. Took a chance on a young boy. About, I was eight, eight, 8th grade.
5:18 H. Foley? Okay.
5:18 Speaker 01 First day, they were like, "You gotta wear black pants and a white collared shirt to bus." Man, I didn't have none of that. I remember rummaging through my dad's closet.
5:28 H. Foley? Got your grandfather's old police uniform.
5:32 H. Foley? Showed him dressed as a state trooper.
5:35 Speaker 01 I got, I got the hat with the strap on it. Why is that strap always so short?
5:40 H. Foley? I don't know.
5:41 Speaker 01 Buddy, well, it's the goddamn state. You can't get an extra, a, a buckle in there?
5:45 H. Foley? I like the casual police stuff. The action stuff.
5:48 Speaker 01 What's that?
5:49 H. Foley? You know, like when they got like, uh, like the guy, uh, the border patrol, when we, when we were going to Canada.
5:54 Speaker 01 That was far from casual. That guy looked like he was ready to invade Mars.
5:57 H. Foley? Well, that's what I'm saying.
5:58 Speaker 01 What are you talking about, casual?
6:00 H. Foley? You know, the cargo pants and all that stuff. Not the dress-up stuff.
6:04 Speaker 01 Sure.
6:05 H. Foley? Because I had to wear, my dad wore, uh, you know, he had to wear a navy uniform to work, and he had these super shiny shoes that I had to borrow every once in a while. And dude, I looked like an idiot.
6:15 Speaker 01 Show to basketball practice, slipping all over the joint.
6:19 H. Foley? Dude. Shoes shining like Michael Jackson.
6:23 Speaker 01 Foley, stop doing a moonwalk.
6:27 Speaker 01 You're doing that. You catch the ball, then you lean.
6:31 H. Foley? Foley, are you okay? Are you okay, Foley? Foley, are you okay?
6:36 H. Foley? I got dun dun. Um.
6:40 Speaker 01 Buy you a huge blanket.
6:44 H. Foley? That's a hit. I don't know what to tell you.
6:46 Speaker 01 Dude, I remember showing up to my first day of work at this pizza place with a pair of dress black, because I only had like my dad's.
6:53 H. Foley? Yeah.
6:54 Speaker 01 Suit left over from the eighties.
6:56 H. Foley? You wearing like that material?
6:58 Speaker 01 Little thin layer gabardine. Oh, man, hiding the fucking pop and a bone. Those things are.
7:04 H. Foley? Slippery.
7:05 Speaker 01 Like a thin mint, daddy. But these pair of pants had about fifteen pleats on them, dude. It was. I mean, I look like MC Hammer.
7:15 Speaker 01 Dropping loads of bread doing a hammer. Doing the hammer crawl.
7:19 H. Foley? Can't cut this.
7:22 H. Foley? No, can't cut this like they can't cut the arrow? A little inside restaurant joke, which brings me to my next point. First of all, this 2016.
7:30 Speaker 01 Get out of here and grab some lunch. Okay.
7:32 H. Foley? This 2016 shit.
7:34 Speaker 01 Was this the thing you had?
7:36 H. Foley? No.
7:36 Speaker 01 Okay.
7:37 H. Foley? No, I got something. Something big.
7:43 Speaker 01 Let's hope it's not another audio. Somebody was like Foley getting mad at people being in a coffee shop is all time Foley.
7:51 H. Foley? Huh. That was, it was, that was engineering shit.
7:56 Speaker 01 Don't blame your bad gear on this.
7:57 H. Foley? He didn't play it loud enough. To get the thing. But the 2000, I mean, listen, I didn't have a great 2016. I had a great 2025, be honest with you. But still.
8:07 Speaker 01 Wait, 2016, we were doing all right.
8:09 H. Foley? Were we?
8:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:10 H. Foley? Up here?
8:12 Speaker 01 I mean.
8:13 H. Foley? Not to be posting about it.
8:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, 2016, we, you know, we had moved to New York. We had, you know, we were slowly cracking the comedy scene, the club scene. We were doing reps.
8:23 H. Foley? What, did you fall and hit your head? What are you talking about? We were tanking.
8:26 Speaker 01 Nah.
8:27 H. Foley? We were sharing a winter coat and dollar sliced pizzas.
8:30 Speaker 01 Good friend.
8:30 H. Foley? I was in my 40s.
8:32 Speaker 01 We had each other's.
8:32 H. Foley? You were hanging out with a 40 year old loser.
8:34 Speaker 01 I know.
8:35 H. Foley? See?
8:36 Speaker 01 Look at us now. I'm hanging out with a 50 year old loser.
8:40 H. Foley? Big pants.
8:41 Speaker 01 Um. Yeah, no, I thought we were, I mean, we were doing okay. We're doing better than we were any other time in our lives.
8:49 H. Foley? Yeah, whatever. I still don't get why everyone's posting about it. Can somebody explain it to me?
8:53 Speaker 01 It's a trend. I don't know.
8:54 H. Foley? Ten years ago, some shit.
8:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, ten years. It's a trend. Hey, fucking.
9:00 H. Foley? Bunch of idiots.
9:03 H. Foley? What are you doing back there?
9:05 Speaker 01 What's, let him do his job.
9:07 H. Foley? Is that his job?
9:08 Speaker 01 You're supposed to be doing your job.
9:09 H. Foley? Distracting me? Start freaking out. Where's Tooty at?
9:16 H. Foley? This is what I had.
9:17 Speaker 01 What do you got?
9:18 H. Foley? Now, I know I'm gonna be the bad guy on this one, okay?
9:21 Speaker 01 You've seen the program.
9:23 H. Foley? Especially you being a new dad and all that kinda shit. But I hope you don't go down this road, okay?
9:31 Speaker 01 He's gonna be like, are you gonna talk to your kid? Are you gonna bring him around places? Is he gonna bother me?
9:39 H. Foley? He don't bother me. He don't bother me.
9:42 Speaker 01 He's got a bit of a toot on him.
9:48 Speaker 01 Okay.
9:49 H. Foley? The public
9:51 H. Foley? is not necessarily the place for your child's life lesson, especially when you involve other people in it.
10:03 H. Foley? Okay?
10:03 Speaker 01 What's that?
10:05 H. Foley? This has to, and I might have brought this up one or two, once or twice when I was waiting tables and stuff like that.
10:09 Speaker 01 Can't call you fat or something? You shouldn't do that, even though, you know.
10:14 H. Foley? I told you about the kids that called me, thought I was Santa Claus when I was in Hawaii, right?
10:19 Speaker 01 I say, Santa's smoking in the hot tub.
10:23 Speaker 01 That's bad for your health, Santa. Hey, get outta here, kid.
10:27 H. Foley? Santa's on the naughty list, huh?
10:31 H. Foley? This involves-
10:32 Speaker 01 Why don't you go see if your mom wants to sit on Santa's lap? Alright.
10:36 H. Foley? You're at a, you're at a, a restaurant or whatever.
10:38 Speaker 01 I'm at a restaurant. I've been to a restaurant.
10:40 H. Foley? You've been to a restaurant. You let the kid order, but he doesn't want to. You're, okay, and this isn't a thing about the kid, it's the thing with the parent forcing this situation. Like, "Go ahead Billy, tell him what, tell him what you want," and the kid's like doing the, "Eh eh eh eh." You know, he doesn't want to say nothing, because he's shy or whatever. And then dad's like, "Remember, you said you wanted, you wanted to order, and then you're dragging this poor waiter into this." So he's gotta stand there and do this fucking bit with you and your kid.
11:10 Speaker 01 I mean, you're not Abbott and Costello, you're, there's not lines-
11:13 H. Foley? He's got work to do. It's like, dude, your kid don't want to order. He ain't there yet. When he's there, you'll go, "Billy, what do you want?" "Oh, hi, how are you, sir? Can I have a root beer and a grilled cheese?" "No problem." Okay, until they can do that-
11:26 Speaker 01 Three shots of Cuddy Stark.
11:29 H. Foley? Do you get what I'm saying?
11:30 Speaker 01 I, listen, I do understand-
11:31 H. Foley? Or are you gonna be that guy?
11:35 Speaker 01 Man, you are, you are a special kinda hater, you know that? You are something else. Um...
11:43 Speaker 01 Listen.
11:44 H. Foley? Go ahead.
11:47 H. Foley? You see what I'm saying?
11:48 Speaker 01 A little bit, but also at the same time, you're working at a fucking Bear Burger. Yeah, well, you're not working at a Michelin star fucking restaurant, you're doing a lunch shift at a fucking Bear Burger in the Village.
11:57 H. Foley? So my life decisions are now-
11:59 Speaker 01 Yeah, listen, you've been wearing the same, you've been wearing the same pleated pants for about five, six days straight without washing them. You've been wearing the same sweatshirt, I remember the Tokyo 76 sweatshirt you wore every fucking day.
12:10 H. Foley? I didn't wear that work, working-
12:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, you did. The one time I went in there, you were wearing it.
12:13 H. Foley? I got that right now.
12:13 Speaker 01 Hey, listen, you only ever, you only ever owned one shirt for all of 2016, and it was the Tokyo 76? Drop the pick.
12:20 H. Foley? I got it. I got it here. Somebody wants to make, make an offer. I'll put it up on eBay.
12:24 Speaker 01 Um, I get what you're saying, and listen, if the kid's like, really can't speak, I get it, but-
12:32 H. Foley? It's not the kid, it's the dad that's doing it. That's like forcing this thing, like, is, is simplifying your time. I, I just, I just watched this happen the other day.
12:42 Speaker 01 I don't disagree, I, listen, I don't disagree with you in theory-
12:45 H. Foley? It's not about me. About other people in the service industry that have to deal with that.
12:50 Speaker 01 I get that.
12:50 H. Foley? Cause that's the same fucking dad that where the kid eats and then all the stuff gets spilled all over the floor, they don't clean it up. I hope you're not gonna be that guy. I know you're not.
12:58 Speaker 01 Why, why are you just begging me to be like the guy you hate? This is insane.
13:01 H. Foley? I know you're not gonna.
13:02 Speaker 01 Don't be that guy. It's like, okay, listen, you're the, you're the guy. That is you 97% of the time. There is food everywhere you sit and you know it. And I ain't never seen you pick up anything off the floor after we left the restaurant. Okay, guy? Um, you really are what you hate. You are like, you hate the things in yourselves that you know you are.
13:24 H. Foley? You hate the things.
13:25 Speaker 01 Or whatever.
13:25 H. Foley? Yes, yes, of course.
13:28 Speaker 01 Listen, I've been out, my son's not ordering yet, you know what I mean? Uh.
13:34 H. Foley? Tomahawk for two. Big boy.
13:36 Speaker 01 Here's, I've been out with my nieces and nephews a lot and I think this is, I think
13:43 Speaker 01 we're very similar in the sense of like, I, we have anxiety not to bother that waiter.
13:48 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
13:48 Speaker 01 Right?
13:49 H. Foley? Yes.
13:51 Speaker 01 So I've seen it and luckily my nieces and nephews are very good at it. They're like, they're older, but like some are younger and they'll go, I'll have the grilled cheese with the Sprite, whatever, you know what I mean? Um.
14:01 H. Foley? Good order.
14:03 Speaker 01 I'll make that, I'll make that too. I'll do a Dr. Pepper instead. Um.
14:09 H. Foley? Little pickle juice in there.
14:10 Speaker 01 I'd be curious to hear from the more experienced parents with kids that are four, five, six, seven, whatever years old.
14:16 H. Foley? I would assume they'd probably tell me to shut up.
14:18 Speaker 01 A little bit, but I mean, like, you're also not wrong. I don't know how old, I, I don't know like the age for that, you know what I mean? Uh, I, I, I, listen, if the kid can't do it, sure, but I think there is a bit of a grace period where it's like, yeah, I mean, you know.
14:33 H. Foley? Takes a village.
14:34 Speaker 01 If you're, if you're in a place where there's kids and you're certain, you have a kids menu.
14:40 Speaker 01 I gotta push back that like, you're not at a high-class joint that's-
14:43 H. Foley? That all comes with it.
14:44 Speaker 01 That, that all comes with it a little bit. And listen, is every table kids? No. Is it happening once a day? Do you gotta eat that?
14:52 H. Foley? If you're selling Shirley Temples.
14:54 Speaker 01 Come on. That's a little bit.
14:55 H. Foley? You gotta dance a little bit.
14:56 Speaker 01 But also, there is something on the parents to be like, fucking, execute.
15:02 H. Foley? Yeah.
15:02 Speaker 01 Know what? Don't go, huh, what do you have on that? Like, fucking say it with your chest, little bitch. Get out there, you know what I mean?
15:10 H. Foley? Okay.
15:10 Speaker 01 I agree with you. There's a time and place, I agree. Not ever, I do agree that everything should be a life lesson, especially if you're at lunch shift at Bear Burger, you're in the weeds, NYU.
15:19 H. Foley? It's not Bear Burger. Doesn't have to be Bear, this isn't about me.
15:25 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
15:25 H. Foley? It's really not.
15:26 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
15:26 H. Foley? Did it drive me crazy when they used to do that? Yeah, a little bit. And I just happened to see it the other day.
15:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, of course it happens outside of your experiences, for sure.
15:35 H. Foley? Uh huh.
15:35 Speaker 01 But it did drive you crazy.
15:37 H. Foley? Yeah, drove me nuts.
15:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:38 H. Foley? It's like, dude, the kid don't wanna order, man. One, you're forcing him. Two, you're wasting this guy's time. He's got drinks to make. It's a busy bar.
15:46 Speaker 01 He's got, he's got dinner rolls to sneak in the walk-in.
15:50 Speaker 01 Just missed my cig break, guy. Let's go. There's a hostess I'm trying to bang. Um, I, I, I, yeah, no, I, I, I tend to, I gotta agree with you on that one, for sure. There's a, a time and a place. But I guess as a, I mean, yeah, listen. Maybe the kid isn't typically shy and he gets shy for some reason. Maybe you're creeping him out as the waiter. You know what I mean? He's looking to go, why doesn't this guy have any teeth? That's freaking me out. He's a grown man without any teeth.
16:18 H. Foley? What do you want, little boy?
16:19 Speaker 01 Ah, you're sweating, coming off a fucking bender. You know what I mean? You need a perk thirty in ya?
16:24 H. Foley? Hey, you're painting this all picture wrong.
16:25 Speaker 01 Your guy hasn't shown up yet? You got a little bit of an edge to ya? Ah, what do you want, kid? And he's like, I don't, I, I, I was confident before-
16:33 H. Foley? Tell me now!
16:33 Speaker 01 Before Santa Claus started yelling at me. So yeah, maybe it's what you're putting out.
16:37 H. Foley? Have you had any interactions like this with the baby? Of like, um, I don't know, that's a kid talking, but like, uh, I don't know, like, neighbor saying hi or whatever. Hey, goochy goochy. And you gotta kinda be that-
16:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, I gotta be, I gotta go, hey, say hi, say bye. Yeah, you do that. But, yeah, you know, you're gonna,
17:00 Speaker 01 that's part of it. I, I don't know, I'm just still very early in this and I, I think parents would go like-
17:07 Speaker 01 Hey guy who's getting 25% tip and probably gonna fuck up the order. Take the extra 10 seconds and my, as a learning point for my kid. I don't know. I don't know.
17:17 H. Foley? Cause I get the feeling that a lot of people don't stand on those airs with me.
17:21 Speaker 01 What do you mean?
17:22 H. Foley? Like, I'm not the guy that gets that. Especially with dogs. Dog owners will just yank a dog away from me without even giving me the time of day. I go, hey, what's up buddy? And the dog wants to hang out for a second. Cause I got good connection with the dog.
17:37 Speaker 01 Especially got a little bit of pee drippings on you and he wants to catch a sniff.
17:42 Speaker 01 Wants to see what you're banging with.
17:44 H. Foley? I'm smelling his ass. No, they just yanked the dog away from me.
17:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:48 H. Foley? Cause you know, I look like a bozo.
17:51 Speaker 01 I've seen you interact with a lot of dogs though.
17:54 H. Foley? Yeah, little bit.
17:55 Speaker 01 But some, I mean, you know, some, some people are like, hey, listen, you're also just applying, you know, I don't know. You're maybe, I can't make these broad statements. You know, yeah, maybe that, that, that dog owner's in a rush.
18:08 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
18:09 Speaker 01 Uh-huh, you know?
18:10 H. Foley? Or?
18:11 Speaker 01 What? I didn't say or at all.
18:16 Speaker 01 You know?
18:17 Speaker 03 I don't wanna pile on.
18:18 Speaker 01 I don't wanna pile on, you don't see, you don't.
18:20 H. Foley? Pile on, this is the show. You get what I'm saying?
18:23 Speaker 01 I do.
18:23 H. Foley? You know what I mean here?
18:26 Speaker 03 You come on a bit strong.
18:27 Speaker 01 You come on a bit strong sometimes and you know, you're a large, sometimes intimidating gentleman to maybe a smaller, weaker lady of kind?
18:37 H. Foley? I was walking down the street the other day and um, this lady was going into her building.
18:42 Speaker 01 So I followed her.
18:44 H. Foley? Do you have a dog? And there was a guy, the guy wasn't like trying to get into her building with her, but it was like as she was opening her door, he was like shaking her down for money. You know what I mean? And then he moved on. And as I walked by, I just kinda gave her like a look like, don't worry, I had your back.
19:00 Speaker 01 I gotcha, yeah. Don't worry, if he didn't get you, I would. You know what I mean?
19:06 Speaker 01 You gotta be careful out here, lady.
19:07 H. Foley? No, I'm letting you know the bug man's here. He's bringing action. Kim, let's talk about Mars Men.
19:14 Speaker 01 Shout out to the men from Mars.
19:15 H. Foley? Talking about Mars Men Natural Testosterone Support. Listen, we start getting older.
19:21 Speaker 01 Who?
19:21 H. Foley? The T starts dropping. Other things stop working. You lose your stamina a little bit. You're tired, you're sluggish.
19:28 Speaker 01 A little pep in the step.
19:30 H. Foley? You could use a little pep in the step. That's why you go to Mars Men.
19:33 Speaker 01 Start dragging ass.
19:34 H. Foley? Start dragging ass. Use Mars Men Natural Testosterone Support, baby.
19:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, and the thing is, nobody tells you. You're just cruising one day, next thing you know, it feels like you hit a brick wall. And you're like, feels like you're walking in your dad's shoes. You're all stumbling, wobbling, you don't know what the hell's going on.
19:49 H. Foley? Comes on quick.
19:50 Speaker 01 Yes.
19:51 H. Foley? I want to be 50.
19:52 Speaker 01 Your body makes, here's the thing, your body makes testosterone, but if a lot of it gets locked up and can't be used, there's this protein called SHBG that basically handcuffs your testosterone. And we got the keys for you, baby. So even if your body's making testosterone, SHBG locks it up so you can't access it. It's like having money in the bank, but your debit card don't work, you ain't got the PIN number to set it free, baby.
20:12 H. Foley? Been there before.
20:13 Speaker 01 You get stronger physical performance, plus recovery in the gym, more consistent, natural energy. You feel better, baby. You can feel better all of 2026 and put those past couple of years behind you. A good way to kick off the year. It supports healthy T levels, energy and stamina. Eight natural clinically dosed ingredients. A lot of things I can't pronounce. Vitamin D, zinc, boron and more. Pungkat Ali, something else. It's made in the US of A, third party tested, 90 day money back guarantee, so there's no risk. Worst case, you don't absolutely love it and you get your money back. So what are we talking about here?
20:43 H. Foley? Let's go.
20:44 Speaker 01 For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off for life, plus free shipping and three free gifts at mengotomars.com. It's the perfect way to kick off the new year strong, baby. That's mengotomars.com for 50% off, plus three free gifts at checkout. After your purchase, we're gonna ask you how you heard about them. Tell them the boy sent you it. Are you garbage? We love yous.
21:03 H. Foley? Gang, this episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. As you know, Kippy and I, big proponents of talk therapy. BetterHelp's the way to go. We're talking about quality therapists over there. Talking about therapist match commitment. The lining up with a therapist that's perfect for you. And of course, you got those client reviews over there that speak for themselves.
21:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, the big thing, the big thing for me, a big selling point for me to join BetterHelp, was the therapist match commitment. It does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and your preferences. And they got 12 plus years of experience and industry-leading match fulfillment rate. Means they typically get it right the first time. But if you are not happy with your match, you can switch to a different therapist at any time from one of their tailored recommendations. And that's the big thing is you get in, just get, listen, they're gonna get it, they're gonna give you a pretty good, a pretty good match. If it's not for you, they go, oh, if it's not Billy, it's Mary. If it ain't Mary, it's Steve. And listen, they're gonna find the right one for you. It's just that simple.
22:01 Speaker 01 BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/garbage. One more time, you know it, I know, we sing it from the rafters. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash garbage. Do it. Back to the show.
22:17 H. Foley? Back to the show.
22:19 Speaker 01 Yes, listen, I'll do it back to you. I would love to hear what actual experienced parents, and I'm sure waiters hate it, I'm for sure. I'm sure, you know, cashiers hate anybody that has to deal with it. You know, and you're already relatively non-glamorous job.
22:36 H. Foley? Yeah.
22:36 Speaker 01 It's, you know.
22:37 H. Foley? Like I said.
22:38 Speaker 01 You're underappreciated to begin with a lot of times. I get, I get all that. You're fucking in the weeds, you got a fucking jerk-off manager breaking your balls, all this kind of shit. You're probably, you know, if you're anything like me, when I was working not great jobs, you're wearing a hangover from the fucking night before, you know. Why do you keep looking at me?
22:56 H. Foley? I could've swore we settled the, the, the black t-shirt war.
23:00 Speaker 01 I mean, literally, I'm in the middle of answering your stupid fucking question and you're just, you're like, you have, you have the, you're the attention span of a fly.
23:07 H. Foley? I just noticed it. I'm sorry.
23:09 Speaker 01 Sure.
23:10 H. Foley? I think one of us should go and change.
23:12 Speaker 01 Should be you. It's well-docked that I'm the fucking black t-shirt guy. It's not even close, dude.
23:18 H. Foley? Thought this was all put to bed.
23:21 Speaker 01 Pop it off. Dump them out for the girls.
23:23 H. Foley? No. I gave you that little teaser on Patreon. Which I was supposed to get paid extra for that. Supposed to be a nudity charge.
23:31 Speaker 01 How much?
23:34 H. Foley? Twenty-five hundred.
23:35 Speaker 01 Luke, send it to him.
23:36 H. Foley? Yeah.
23:37 Speaker 01 I just paid Luke back for that, when he paid me on air that one time.
23:40 H. Foley? Really?
23:40 Speaker 01 Just paid him back. I told him to send me the Venmo request, because I keep forgetting he never did.
23:45 H. Foley? I can't believe he didn't.
23:46 Speaker 01 I know.
23:46 H. Foley? He's the king of the Venmo requests.
23:48 Speaker 01 I still got some sitting on you, little bitch, and you ain't getting them.
23:51 H. Foley? One kronet Venmo request.
23:55 H. Foley? It's this generation-
23:56 Speaker 01 You're in a great mood today.
23:57 H. Foley? I am, feeling good.
23:59 Speaker 01 What's up with people posting ten-year-old pictures? What's-
24:03 H. Foley? Other than that-
24:04 Speaker 01 Luke sending Venmo, what's up with these parents and their kids?
24:08 H. Foley? Other than that.
24:09 Speaker 01 Other than that.
24:09 H. Foley? Parents and their kids, which I know I'm gonna be the bad guy on.
24:11 Speaker 01 Ninety percent of the people out there.
24:13 H. Foley? And this 2016 bullshit.
24:16 Speaker 01 And Luke.
24:17 H. Foley? Well, yeah.
24:18 Speaker 01 Okay. So far, it's a lot of people.
24:21 Speaker 03 For paying my boss's bills.
24:23 Speaker 01 Lot of beef.
24:24 Speaker 03 Uh-oh. We're all getting it.
24:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, what the fuck, you coming taking shots at- Listen, you wet your beak well into 2026, my friend. Sorry if you're not getting the sixteen fifty back. Fucking guy.
24:37 H. Foley? How much did you own?
24:38 Speaker 01 I don't know. Probably two hundred? I have no idea.
24:42 Speaker 03 For the Venmo, the Venmo? For the- That was six sixty?
24:46 Speaker 01 No, you got that. That one you got. He's got other, relatively smaller incurred expenses. But not a principal I can't give him.
24:54 Speaker 03 It's fair.
24:55 Speaker 01 It's very fair. It's very fair.
24:59 Speaker 01 We don't count dollars and cents.
25:02 H. Foley? I don't know what the hell you two are up to. Now, you two are on the list, I'll tell you that right now. Kevin and Luke's-
25:08 Speaker 01 Where are you waiting tables this weekend?
25:09 H. Foley? Budding friendship.
25:10 Speaker 01 I'm gonna come in with my kid, and we're gonna sit there all fucking day, because he can't, he's non-verbal.
25:15 H. Foley? But him, I'd like. He's my boy. I don't mind him. That's where you do it, you know, with a friend. You don't drag some poor barista into it. Go ahead, tell him. You said you wanted to tell him, tell him.
25:29 Speaker 01 But I don't disagree, and the very little I know about parenting and- I know a lot about bad parenting, uh-
25:37 H. Foley? I think you're a good parent.
25:39 Speaker 01 I'm not saying I've been on the receiving end of a good amount of bad parenting.
25:41 H. Foley? Yeah, me too.
25:42 Speaker 01 Um, not by my mom. In case she hears this. Um-
25:47 H. Foley? No comment.
25:49 Speaker 01 Patty, we're talking to you. I think that's how kids learn of like, when else are they gonna learn? You know what I mean? It's like, but you know, that's how they develop, I think. I would assume. I don't know.
26:02 H. Foley? Then how about a, "Hey, thanks for doing that. Here's an extra five, extra 20, something like that." Take care of people. If you're gonna bring me in. I know how much daycare costs.
26:11 Speaker 01 You want five bucks for talking to a fucking eight-year-old?
26:15 H. Foley? You keep, it's not me. I'm out of the game. I'm talking about now.
26:20 Speaker 01 Okay.
26:20 H. Foley? Making the world a better place.
26:21 Speaker 01 How do you know these people aren't doing that, though?
26:23 H. Foley? I saw the guy leave with the kid.
26:25 Speaker 01 So how do you know he didn't fucking juice the tip?
26:27 H. Foley? I don't.
26:27 Speaker 01 Okay.
26:28 H. Foley? I don't. You wanna peg me into a corner?
26:31 Speaker 01 You're pegging this guy into a corner. You're pegging all these people into a corner.
26:34 H. Foley? Yeah, I'm your friend. You don't know this jerk, though.
26:36 Speaker 01 Sometimes you like to get pegged, I hear. Came across my radar.
26:45 Speaker 01 What, now mom's the fucking word?
26:47 H. Foley? I am what I am.
26:48 Speaker 01 Listen.
26:49 H. Foley? It's a family show.
26:50 Speaker 01 Yes. All that's neither here nor there. I, listen, I think that's a very good point. I agree with you and I also, you know, it's open for interpretation. I don't know. I don't have the answer. I think you might wanna be a little bit more flexible on the idea, though. A little bit.
27:02 H. Foley? Okay.
27:02 Speaker 01 And the 2016 thing, I think you should do a post.
27:06 H. Foley? I don't have any pictures from 2016.
27:08 Speaker 01 I got pictures of you from 2016.
27:10 H. Foley? Do ya?
27:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, we're friends.
27:13 H. Foley? Bet you do.
27:14 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
27:15 H. Foley? Probably racy.
27:16 Speaker 01 No.
27:18 H. Foley? And I'm not posting nothing.
27:19 Speaker 01 About a buck eighty lighter, for sure.
27:26 Speaker 01 Remember that time you showed up in that fucking yellow shirt? That yellow t-shirt?
27:31 H. Foley? What yellow?
27:31 Speaker 01 I don't know. You just rolled in with a brand-new yellow t-shirt. We were calling you Colonel Mustard all night.
27:37 H. Foley? Oh, yeah.
27:39 Speaker 01 You thought that was gonna blow the tits off the joint. You thought that, you were like, "Next stop, fucking Guy Code," or whatever. You were fucking locked in, dude. You had...
27:49 H. Foley? Dressed like a yellow cat.
27:55 Speaker 01 Remember, I remember I had that. It was around the same time I had that NYC crew neck from H and M.
28:04 H. Foley? NYC.
28:04 Speaker 01 It said NYC and it had camo behind it. And like a little bit of leather. Remember when leather on t-shirts was cool?
28:11 H. Foley? Yeah, multiple layers.
28:14 Speaker 01 Dude, I thought I was, I used to wear that like six days a week.
28:17 H. Foley? Struck out city.
28:18 Speaker 01 Woo, doggy. Now look at us, huh?
28:22 H. Foley? Now look at us.
28:23 Speaker 01 Black, dirty black t-shirts.
28:25 H. Foley? Mine's clean. Your, your neck is super thick.
28:28 Speaker 01 Uh huh. It's not the only thing that's super thick.
28:31 H. Foley? The hell does that have to do with it?
28:32 Speaker 01 My butthole. It's a little, it's a little inflamed.
28:37 Speaker 01 I got worms.
28:39 H. Foley? Caught a bad, bad bucket of chili this weekend.
28:42 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm. Um, alright, let's, listen. We, we got work to do here.
28:46 H. Foley? What's screwing around?
28:47 Speaker 01 Call fun and games. Calling each other fat, dumb, stupid. You know, and then whatever you say about me.
28:56 Speaker 01 We're having fun. Am I gonna pay back Luke the $75 I owe him out of principal?
29:01 H. Foley? Why do you owe $75?
29:03 Speaker 01 I don't know.
29:03 H. Foley? Let's get this out of the way. Welcome back to Foley Court.
29:07 H. Foley? Where I solve the case. What's this about?
29:10 Speaker 03 It's like, it's Ubers. It's, uh, we did, we used to take a lot of flash photos and I used to put it on my card. Now I got the company card.
29:17 Speaker 01 He's fine. He also has, he, he also-
29:19 H. Foley? This is old? This is like old, old?
29:21 Speaker 03 Yeah, probably like 2023, looking back.
29:23 H. Foley? Really?
29:24 Speaker 03 Yeah.
29:25 H. Foley? Wow. What, and you just, did you just remind him of this? Like, hey?
29:28 Speaker 01 No, they're sitting in there. When I go in, I see them.
29:31 H. Foley? Huh. A lot of flash?
29:33 Speaker 01 Listen, he ends up in Ubers from time to time that are not, it'll be Saturday night and it's like, hey, Luke just requested a ride to some cool hip restaurant. And I know he's not going there for fucking work purposes, cuz I'm at home feeding my baby. Okay?
29:49 Speaker 03 Love that Kevin Ryan family account.
29:52 Speaker 01 Everybody sucking on the kippy tits.
29:54 H. Foley? You have to approve it?
29:55 Speaker 01 No, it's just there. And sometimes I let it slide and other times I, I go, oh, what do you, what, sometimes I'll take a picture of the menu and send it to him.
30:05 H. Foley? Jesus.
30:06 Speaker 01 And say, I tried a rigatoni.
30:08 H. Foley? Jesus.
30:10 Speaker 01 I know everything. Now you give him one, give him, throw him a bone, kid works hard.
30:15 H. Foley? Of course.
30:16 Speaker 01 You, on the other hand, short leash.
30:21 Speaker 01 Bug man bad. Bug man real bad. Alright, listen, let's get it. We got some fuck, we got some fucking, some homie questions to go over. Guys, as you know, when you join the old Patreon, the 15,362 current paid members of the Patreon. Listen, men lie, Foley lies, I lie, Luke lies. Numbers do not lie. The value is there.
30:48 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
30:48 Speaker 01 Listen, you join the $10 level, all those other subscriptions you're on, I go, this ain't worth it.
30:54 H. Foley? Mm-mm.
30:54 Speaker 01 We got five years of content.
30:56 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
30:57 Speaker 01 Two, two eps a week, five years, you do the math.
31:00 H. Foley? I'm with you.
31:00 Speaker 01 Think about it. It's the math.
31:02 H. Foley? What's the math on what?
31:03 Speaker 01 Two episodes a week for a year. How many episodes is that?
31:06 H. Foley? Two episodes a week. There's 52 weeks in a year.
31:08 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
31:09 H. Foley? Two times 52 is 104.
31:12 Speaker 01 Here we go. 104 a year. Let's say we did five, let's say it was 2020.
31:16 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
31:17 Speaker 01 Or maybe it wasn't, uh... Let's say all 2021, 22, 23, 24, 25. Five years.
31:22 H. Foley? Can I use my pencil and pad?
31:24 Speaker 01 Please.
31:25 H. Foley? Alright, so 104 episodes a year, times five years.
31:31 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
31:31 H. Foley? Zero, two.
31:33 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
31:34 H. Foley? Fuck, this is even more confusing me. The five and the zero is zero, and then two
31:41 H. Foley? is two.
31:44 H. Foley? 520 episodes.
31:46 Speaker 01 Sounds about right.
31:49 Speaker 01 There you go.
31:49 H. Foley? Yeah.
31:50 Speaker 01 There's more of that thrilling content over on Patreon.com. Uh, there you go.
31:57 Speaker 01 So listen, let's, and as you know, when you join the old Patreon, you get to answer your, you get to ask your garbage question on the friggin' air.
32:03 H. Foley? By Mr. Kevin Ryan himself.
32:05 Speaker 01 Woo! Um, alright, let's see, this is one I never thought of, a little more of a debate. This is from Blake. Do you use a microwave cover for your food or paper towels? I gotta be honest with you, I've never used anything.
32:18 H. Foley? When you're heating something up.
32:20 Speaker 01 In the microwave, never once. Never once.
32:24 H. Foley? You know, when you say the paper towel thing, I've never used it, but there's people that use them religiously.
32:31 Speaker 01 Is that for like, that like, keeps it in and heats it like from the top again? Like a lid on a stove?
32:36 H. Foley? I think it has to do with-
32:37 Speaker 01 Can we get some science behind this, Lucas?
32:39 H. Foley? It has to do with that, some moisture issues, but I know people that wrap a lot of stuff up in a paper towel and put it in the microwave.
32:45 Speaker 01 I think I used-
32:45 H. Foley? I've never done it.
32:46 Speaker 01 We used to, my mom, my mom's, we used to do frozen Lenders bagels. They sucked. Remember Lenders?
32:53 H. Foley? Of course.
32:53 Speaker 01 But these were frozen, so you'd have to thaw it out in the microwave for like 30 seconds.
32:57 H. Foley? You gotta be real, real smart with that.
33:00 Speaker 01 Wrap it in paper towel.
33:01 H. Foley? We didn't do that.
33:03 Speaker 01 And then we'd put it in the toaster, and these things were free. I remember like pulling out fucking hockey pucks. And they like, all, everything had left them. At the point where they were like, they were like weightless. And you were just like, there's noth- there's no moisture in here. These are air dried.
33:17 H. Foley? Your mistake was, you don't have to, uh, microwave them. You don't have to thaw them out. You put them right in the freezer, right in the toaster frozen. Which is what we do with our bread now.
33:28 Speaker 01 We couldn't cut them.
33:30 H. Foley? You gotta be able to get in there, snap it with a butter knife. But if you do put it in the microwave-
33:35 Speaker 01 But they would, I remember, now I remember-
33:36 H. Foley? Careful.
33:36 Speaker 01 They would break in half. No, we would get them soft enough to open, and then you fuck, then you, then you, then you toast them.
33:44 H. Foley? Pop them? I used to put them right in.
33:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:47 H. Foley? You didn't fuck them. We learned our lesson with the microwave and, uh, defrosting bread very quickly. The great hot dog bun disaster in the Foley family of 1989.
33:58 Speaker 01 If it ain't a potato hot do- a potato bun, or if it's a cheap bun, like if you buy like store brand buns, those things, they're like cotton balls. They don't, they get a rip in them, they ain't holding a diesel nut.
34:09 H. Foley? No, I'm saying the defrost process in the microwave.
34:13 Speaker 01 I'm agreeing with you, I'm saying, especially if they're cheap hot dog buns, they're not gonna last.
34:18 H. Foley? But ours would go too far, and they would be, they would get harder.
34:21 Speaker 01 Oh.
34:21 H. Foley? It would be crazy. You put it in for like thirty-five seconds.
34:24 Speaker 01 The ends get hard.
34:26 H. Foley? Ooh, be like, you don't even know what it is.
34:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, that was-
34:29 H. Foley? Like turning to clay.
34:30 Speaker 01 There was always a-
34:31 H. Foley? Mutate.
34:32 Speaker 01 A very big, I, I knew, she got a new microwave probably maybe ten years ago or something. Cause that was a new house when we moved into it. So my whole childhood, they didn't change any appliances until I was well out, I mean, I was probably in New York. So that house was like, a bit of a, from a, from a appliance standpoint, was, they all lasted like twenty-five, thirty years. I knew that microwave like the back of my fucking asshole, dude. I knew, I could do a full plate of Thanksgiving dinner, like, anything-
35:07 H. Foley? You're like an android.
35:08 Speaker 01 Oh my god, dude, I pull it out after thirty seconds, whip up, add the gravy, fucking throw, dude, I, easy minute, fucking defrost.
35:17 H. Foley? There's an art to it.
35:18 Speaker 01 You'd have to know your thing, and I, I knew that thing in and out.
35:22 H. Foley? That's pretty good. Luke, what do you know about a paper towel?
35:24 Speaker 03 Paper towel seems to prevent messy splatters for like soups and stuff like that, most importantly, and then also traps moisture.
35:31 H. Foley? Traps moisture. Now, I don't do it because it was always foreign to me, because putting something dry in a microwave seemed like it was gonna, that it wasn't good, it was gonna do something. I don't want the lint from the paper towel in there.
35:45 Speaker 01 That makes sense.
35:46 H. Foley? Or something.
35:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:47 H. Foley? Just it never made sense to me.
35:48 Speaker 01 I get that.
35:49 H. Foley? You know what I mean?
35:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, one thing, will it, can you put glass in a microwave?
35:54 H. Foley? Yeah.
35:54 Speaker 01 I cracked a glass one time at my dad's, it was, and I yelled at, it was a Notre Dame mug, and I tried to make hot chocolate.
36:00 H. Foley? Wait a minute, wait, Notre, a mug?
36:02 Speaker 01 Like a, no, like a Stein, like a Stein, like a, you know, like, like a pint glass, like a Notre Dame pint glass.
36:08 H. Foley? Yeah, it's too thin.
36:09 Speaker 01 No, it was thick though.
36:10 Speaker 03 There's microwave safe glass, like Pyrex.
36:13 Speaker 01 This was not then. And I think I forgot to put water in, I think I just had the, the powder at the bottom.
36:18 H. Foley? Yeah, that's why it shattered. Lucky the fucking house didn't blow up. A Notre Dame cup too? Man, you would've got an earful at my house, that screamed at.
36:27 Speaker 01 Oh yeah, who went to Notre Dame?
36:29 H. Foley? Nobody.
36:29 Speaker 01 Okay. All stealing valor. Probably not even Irish. Probably Italian.
36:36 H. Foley? Don't say that.
36:38 Speaker 01 I'm sorry, don't say that, you bless yourself. God forbid, I'll be Spanish before Italian.
36:46 H. Foley? Hundred percent.
36:47 Speaker 01 Especially with the naps they take and those unlimited small plates.
36:54 H. Foley? Kim, let's talk about Chime.
36:55 Speaker 01 Chime.
36:56 H. Foley? As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.
36:59 Speaker 01 You ain't lying, big man.
37:00 H. Foley? Things start adding up.
37:01 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
37:01 H. Foley? You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking, make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right, watch out for bank fees, all that kinda stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish, I could go back and say, hey, I wish I had Chime.
37:16 Speaker 01 I know. Listen, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is, then you got these big corporate banks coming after ya.
37:29 H. Foley? Overdraft fees.
37:30 Speaker 01 Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, that it. Oh, oh, five, five dollars for this, ten dollars for that, they got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to $200 fee-free. Look at that, I know I need that, dog. Uh, right now, you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage, that's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now, it only takes a few minutes.
38:11 H. Foley? Do it.
38:12 Speaker 04 Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime Card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details.
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38:54 H. Foley? They are the inventor of the small plate, aren't they? The Spanish. They like to doodle share plates.
38:59 Speaker 01 I don't like it.
39:00 H. Foley? Yeah?
39:01 Speaker 01 Always, eh, not for me.
39:03 H. Foley? Really? You're a small plate guy.
39:05 Speaker 01 I like a big plate. I like big plate.
39:07 H. Foley? That was big.
39:08 Speaker 01 I'm American.
39:09 H. Foley? That was huge.
39:10 Speaker 01 Who the fuck wants half a Roland Tini or give me the fucking big?
39:13 H. Foley? It's to share, so you try everything.
39:15 Speaker 01 I don't wanna try.
39:16 H. Foley? Get a bunch of small plates.
39:18 Speaker 01 Yeah, but.
39:18 H. Foley? Kevin.
39:19 Speaker 01 I like getting full on the thing. This goes back, my wife started listening to the show and we were trashing her a couple of weeks ago. I listened to the fuck, I go, fuck! Yeah, it was all fully, right? I was lying.
39:31 H. Foley? You probably throw me under the bus.
39:33 Speaker 01 No.
39:34 H. Foley? I like a small plate. Little shrimps in green sauce? Something like that.
39:40 Speaker 01 Okay. I don't like a taste.
39:42 H. Foley? I would do Spanish, but I know they don't like us.
39:44 Speaker 01 Spanish?
39:45 H. Foley? No.
39:46 Speaker 01 The fuck's that? Who cares about them?
39:47 H. Foley? They don't like us. They don't want us over there, they don't like us. They don't want us on vacation, they squirt people with squirt guns when you go on vacation over there, they don't want you over there. So I wouldn't wanna be Spanish knowing that they don't like me. Course, if I was Spanish, I probably wouldn't like me either. My fat ass lumbering around.
40:00 Speaker 01 Listen, I'm American, not a huge fan. Uh, okay, alright, alright. Um, what are you laughing at?
40:09 Speaker 03 He's right. Anti-American sentiment is the highest in Spain.
40:14 Speaker 01 I've never heard that. I mean, you know, you hear the French, I never heard the Spanish. My sister lived there for a while, I got Spanish friends.
40:21 H. Foley? Your sister lived in Spain for a while? I didn't know that.
40:24 Speaker 01 I'm okay, I don't, I'm sorry that.
40:26 H. Foley? When was this?
40:28 Speaker 01 What?
40:29 H. Foley? Studying abroad?
40:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:30 H. Foley? Huh. In college?
40:34 Speaker 01 Nah, elementary school. What the fuck?
40:38 H. Foley? Where'd she live, Barcelona?
40:40 Speaker 01 Uh, did you just say Barthelona?
40:43 H. Foley? What? I said Barcelona.
40:45 Speaker 01 No, you don't have enough teeth to do the fucking lisp, okay, guy?
40:48 H. Foley? Barcelona?
40:49 Speaker 01 Barcelona?
40:50 H. Foley? Hello?
40:52 Speaker 01 You are, you are an actual.
40:55 H. Foley? Madrid?
40:56 Speaker 01 You are an actual crazy person. Uh, I love you, but you.
41:04 H. Foley? You picked up on that, huh? That's the authentic way to say, you just said I was Spanish. And maybe I am. I don't know what Patty was up to back in the day. Eh, could be a lot of things.
41:14 Speaker 01 I seen that dick, all irish.
41:16 H. Foley? Hey, oh, my little skipper. That skips a generation now. There's nothing to do with my hair, it's just gonna be bad luck.
41:28 H. Foley? Caught a bad beat. Bad bag.
41:33 H. Foley? Aces and eights, baby.
41:34 Speaker 01 This is only .5, what the heck?
41:36 H. Foley? Dead man's hand.
41:41 H. Foley? What are you gonna do?
41:44 H. Foley? Yeah, Barcelona, that's how you say it.
41:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, that's not how you say it.
41:48 H. Foley? That's how I say it.
41:48 Speaker 01 No, that's how they say it.
41:50 H. Foley? Who says it?
41:50 Speaker 01 We also don't call fucking Germany Deutschland or Italy Italia.
41:55 H. Foley? Deutschland?
41:56 Speaker 01 Nah. Yeah, that's how they say it. You don't say Barcelona.
41:59 H. Foley? They say Deutschland?
42:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, Germany is the Americanized, the English version of it.
42:05 H. Foley? So if you ask a German person where they were from, what would they say?
42:08 Speaker 01 Deutschland.
42:09 H. Foley? Right, stick 'em up, huh?
42:11 Speaker 01 Let me see your hands.
42:14 Speaker 01 Yeah, I believe, unless I'm nuts, that's what it is, right?
42:16 H. Foley? That's got real WWII vibes, I don't like it.
42:18 Speaker 01 That's what it is. And Italy is Itali- if you ever see like the jersey, the shirts, it's Italia. They don't say "I'm from Italy", but they do when they're talking to fucking, when they're not talking to paisans.
42:31 H. Foley? Give me five, huh?
42:35 Speaker 01 Oh!
42:37 H. Foley? Up top, huh? Yeah, whatever. Sick of all that shit. Putting that on the list, too.
42:43 Speaker 01 Sick of what?
42:44 H. Foley? I don't know.
42:45 Speaker 01 I thought you were in a good mood today. I'm sick of all that shit. What? I don't know.
42:49 H. Foley? We don't have anything cool like that, Deutschland.
42:52 Speaker 01 We're the fucking United States of friggin' America!
42:54 H. Foley? That's right.
42:55 Speaker 01 You just said you were Spanish.
42:57 H. Foley? No, I'm not.
43:00 Speaker 01 Uh, alright, let's see here. Um... This one's from Thomas. Uh, $10 homie, shout out to you.
43:07 H. Foley? Talk to me.
43:08 Speaker 01 "Is it garbage to take Foley's advice and tell the..."
43:12 Speaker 01 This is already a sandbag setup. "Is it garbage to take Foley's advice and tell the nurse at the ER that you're about to pass out so you can get to the front of the line?"
43:21 H. Foley? Yes!
43:22 Speaker 01 "Then they take you back immediately so they can evaluate you for a stroke." "Once they realize you're not having a stroke."
43:31 Speaker 01 "You get dumped back into the waiting room for five hours. Thanks a lot, big guy."
43:35 H. Foley? Aw, what the fuck? You played it too hard! It's gotta be aligned with what you got. You can't just say "I'm gonna pass out", you can't go in there with a fucking skinny and say that.
43:48 H. Foley? Fuck. Whole episode. He's falling in on me. Bullshit.
43:59 H. Foley? Damn, sorry about that dude.
44:00 Speaker 01 He gets committed to a mental institution.
44:05 Speaker 01 That's the folly way, baby.
44:08 H. Foley? A stroke? That sounds like you had some dickhead nurse who like, knew what you were doing. That's a bad beat. You got caught. There. That ain't me. Nine times out of ten, that works. And I'm feeling...
44:20 Speaker 01 No, it doesn't.
44:21 H. Foley? I guess it does.
44:22 Speaker 01 We have one out of one, it does not work.
44:23 H. Foley? I'm feeling a bit woozy.
44:26 H. Foley? But he... What was he in for?
44:28 Speaker 01 What? Why do you think I have like, a file on these guys? You get what they say. I'm not like, going back and forth. Why don't we pull up his fucking medical file? Call the fucking AMA.
44:41 H. Foley? A stroke? Who goes to a stroke? A heart attack, yes. Who goes to a stroke?
44:44 Speaker 01 It's an emergency room. It's not Dorney Park. It's this is... That's where people go who are having a stroke.
44:50 H. Foley? Well, that's fucked up.
44:53 H. Foley? Once you're back there, you should be taken care of.
44:56 Speaker 01 Once you're in the city limits.
44:59 H. Foley? Yeah, once you're in there...
45:00 Speaker 01 I don't disagree with that.
45:02 H. Foley? A stroke? And then they find out, "Yeah, I'm not having a stroke." It still made me... But that's the only fucking reason you pass out is because of a stroke? There's a lot of different reasons. Low blood sugar.
45:11 Speaker 01 Lion.
45:14 H. Foley? Heart attack.
45:15 Speaker 01 Aneurysm.
45:16 H. Foley? Aneurysm. You got hit on the head, you could be concussed. And if you fall asleep, you're dead. According to my mother.
45:23 Speaker 01 I never got that.
45:24 H. Foley? Oh, don't fall asleep!
45:25 Speaker 01 He went to bed.
45:26 H. Foley? And he never woke up. Oh my god.
45:29 Speaker 01 Please do me the favor, will you? We're breaking my balls.
45:32 H. Foley? Bangin' your head on a headpost.
45:36 H. Foley? I should do that. I even got a little bit of a head thing. She'd come in there every 20 minutes and check on me. Scared the shit out of me. "Are you alright?"
45:44 Speaker 01 I do think you probably got a little bit of a head thing.
45:47 H. Foley? You think?
45:47 Speaker 01 Something. Well, something ain't right, I know that much.
45:50 H. Foley? What do you mean?
45:52 H. Foley? Huh? Something wrong with me?
45:53 Speaker 01 Something ain't right.
45:55 H. Foley? What, like a little CTE?
45:57 Speaker 01 I don't even know that. You're just a little scrambled eggs.
45:59 H. Foley? I got a couple of pops in me.
46:01 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
46:02 H. Foley? I remember I fell and hit my head really hard when I was playing, uh, wiffle ball one time. It was like a cutout, uh, basement door. And it must have been like-
46:10 Speaker 01 Playing inside?
46:11 H. Foley? Six feet. No, no, no. So, next to the house. Good thing I have my pad and pen with me today. I dropped my glasses though.
46:19 Speaker 01 Add me to your hit list. Fucking psycho.
46:22 H. Foley? So like, here's the house. There's a door right here. But it goes down steps. And then there's like a little cutout thing. But it was flat again-
46:32 Speaker 01 I'm more confused once you started drawing.
46:35 H. Foley? I don't understand-
46:35 Speaker 01 What's a little cutout thing?
46:37 H. Foley? Like, it goes down. Like, the steps go down-
46:39 Speaker 01 Okay.
46:39 H. Foley? And like, it's like a, like, um, like a little wall.
46:42 Speaker 01 Okay.
46:44 H. Foley? You know what I'm saying?
46:44 Speaker 01 Sure. Okay.
46:45 H. Foley? So it was like six feet-
46:46 Speaker 01 Well, a cutout thing, I don't know what that means. I got, I got, I got a wall, a door. I got you with that.
46:51 H. Foley? I was going back for a pop fly, and I was just running backwards like this. And I fucking went down and, boom! It was like six feet. Hit my head really hard.
47:00 Speaker 01 Like a store seller?
47:02 H. Foley? No. Not a store.
47:03 Speaker 01 Duh.
47:04 H. Foley? I don't know how to, how, how do you not get it?
47:08 H. Foley? It was flat with the backyard, but went down.
47:10 Speaker 01 I got you. I got you.
47:12 H. Foley? To the basement.
47:13 Speaker 01 Kinda like, uh-
47:15 H. Foley? Yeah.
47:18 H. Foley? Yeah, that's right.
47:18 Speaker 01 Kinda like the back of Kevin McCallister's house.
47:22 H. Foley? No.
47:23 Speaker 01 Okay, well then I don't know what you're talking about. That's a, that's flat with a s- set of stairs down. To a door.
47:29 H. Foley? Is it? Oh yeah, yeah, I guess that would be. I'm picturing the trash cans on the other side.
47:33 Speaker 01 I say up, you say down. I say left, you say right. What's your, what's your deal?
47:37 H. Foley? Can I see a picture of McCallister's house?
47:40 H. Foley? So I can get this?
47:41 Speaker 01 Just say yes and we can move on. This is so not pertinent to any sort of thing. The audio listener can't see your-
47:46 H. Foley? My CTE!
47:47 Speaker 01 See, uh, listen. You got it. We don't, you know.
47:51 H. Foley? Alright, yes. I agree.
47:53 Speaker 01 With what?
47:54 H. Foley? Everything.
47:55 Speaker 01 Patty?
47:55 H. Foley? Kevin said.
47:57 Speaker 01 Uh, alright, let's see here. This is from Tom D. "Is it garbage to buy food from the Goodwill? My wife bought a big bag of Utz party mix from there the other day." Ah, I've never been to it. I've been to a good amount of Goodwill's. I've never been to like, one I would trust eating food out of. I don't fully trust eating food out of like, Marshalls and TJ Maxx, too.
48:23 H. Foley? I mean, if he's there, because he's gotta be, and jammed up, yeah, what are you gonna do? I didn't know Goodwill sold food.
48:29 Speaker 01 I don't really think they're in the habit of it. What do you get for donating a bag of chips?
48:35 H. Foley? Is that what that is, a donation?
48:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, everything from the Goodwill's a donation.
48:39 H. Foley? Hmm, well, I could say, I don't really see a harm in that. First of all, that's party, it's just fantastic, and it lasts forever. And you could reuse that jar for something.
48:47 Speaker 01 It says "bag."
48:47 H. Foley? Ooh.
48:48 Speaker 01 Jar, I get.
48:49 H. Foley? You know what I'm talking about, the big boy. So good.
48:52 Speaker 01 Man, getting an empty one of those as a kid? Sky was the limit.
48:55 H. Foley? I'd do anything with it.
48:56 Speaker 01 You could pee in there, whatever you want.
48:58 H. Foley? Put gas in there?
48:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, whatever you want it to do. I told you, we used to fill it with rocks and play greased up watermelon in the pool. Shout out to the Egans.
49:06 H. Foley? It's pretty good.
49:07 Speaker 01 I remember being like, this is, I remember at like, seven years old, I couldn't get it, I was like, too young. It was too heavy. We put like, big landscaping rocks in there, and everybody put Vaseline on themselves. And it sunk to the bottom, and only the older kids could get it up from the bottom. I remember getting like, halfway up with it, and my brain, I started losing oxygen, my brain couldn't let go, because I wanted the, you know, I wanted the points. I wanted to prove to the big kids I was part of the team, you know what I mean?
49:31 H. Foley? Plus, you thought the chips were still in there?
49:33 Speaker 01 It's all stacked.
49:35 H. Foley? Everything but the pretzels.
49:37 Speaker 01 That were on the other, other, other side of this. I told you, I famously ate all the pretzels out of, at my...
49:41 H. Foley? I would love that.
49:42 Speaker 01 I ate all the pretzels out of it, and some guy might
49:46 Speaker 01 bleep that maybe. Somebody related to me. Went, "Did you eat all the pretzels out of it?" I was so, I wouldn't be like, "You fucking narc? What the fuck's your problem?" I don't even wanna fucking be at this house, they drug me over here, I got a fucking sweater vest on like a jerk off.
50:01 H. Foley? Fat little bastard.
50:03 Speaker 01 Calling everybody by their first name. This place sucks. What? They weren't really my...
50:10 H. Foley? Oh.
50:11 Speaker 01 There was a, a couple of...
50:13 H. Foley? We gotta call everybody by their last name. Unless they were...
50:17 Speaker 01 Their last name?
50:17 H. Foley? Yeah.
50:19 Speaker 01 Yeah? Like, "Hey, Jenkins?" What do you mean? Mr. Jenkins.
50:24 H. Foley? Yeah.
50:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, but this guy's related to me.
50:26 H. Foley? Is he related to ya?
50:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, but I met him when I was nine, so I ain't calling him fucking Uncle Randy.
50:32 H. Foley? Yeah, we didn't call-
50:33 Speaker 01 I'm not gonna, I mean, I'm smoking cigs at the time, I'm not getting a new uncle.
50:37 H. Foley? We didn't call Uncle, we didn't call fake Uncle's Uncle. Unless they were related.
50:44 Speaker 01 What?
50:44 H. Foley? Like, my Uncle Mike wasn't my, wasn't, wasn't my dad or mom's brother, but he was my Uncle Mike. But somebody on the fringes that weren't married, like, I would say Mr. Riley, I wouldn't say Uncle Dennis. Or something like that.
50:57 Speaker 01 Sure.
50:58 H. Foley? You know? Cause that's weird. Cause when I got transferred in Catholic schools, we went from, like, having nuns to having, uh, teachers and calling them by their first name. Like, Miss Suzie. I, I was like, what the fuck kinda fucking cult shit is this?
51:16 Speaker 01 Yeah. That's like youth pastor shit.
51:18 H. Foley? Like, see, you know, this broad's one of my seven wives? I don't think so.
51:21 Speaker 01 You get sisterhood, and say, oh, I'm married to this guy. I'm always getting to see him on Wednesdays.
51:28 H. Foley? Yeah, I didn't get that at all. Miss Suzie.
51:32 H. Foley? Miss Rachel? Oh, Miss Rachel. What's it, what's she, what's her name? Miss Rachel. Is it Miss Rachel? Yeah. Yeah, see, I don't like that.
51:38 Speaker 01 I mean, with kids, yeah. That makes sense.
51:41 H. Foley? What do you mean?
51:41 Speaker 01 If your last name's fucking, you know, a Romanowski, that's, that might be a mouthful for a toddler.
51:51 Speaker 01 You know what I mean? So it's, hey, fucking Miss Debbie, Miss Ashley.
51:56 H. Foley? Again, the kids gotta learn.
51:57 Speaker 01 Mrs. Scarekachutle ain't gonna fucking- It's a bit of a tongue twister.
52:05 Speaker 01 You know what I mean?
52:06 H. Foley? Miss Scattermoosh.
52:12 Speaker 01 I mean, you are somehow.
52:13 H. Foley? I don't know what the hell I'm talking about today.
52:15 Speaker 01 No, we know.
52:15 H. Foley? I'm all off. I'm all screwballs.
52:18 Speaker 01 I'm well aware.
52:19 H. Foley? Really going against the grain.
52:21 Speaker 01 Always got CTE.
52:27 Speaker 01 Um, alright, let's see here.
52:29 H. Foley? She makes a lot of cash that broad.
52:31 Speaker 01 Who?
52:31 H. Foley? Ms. Rachel. Not Ms. Suzie, I don't know what she's doing.
52:36 Speaker 01 Sure she makes it on this living.
52:39 H. Foley? I assume she's moved on.
52:41 Speaker 01 Uh huh. I remember I then saw, I then saw that guy later on.
52:46 H. Foley? Well, you went through one of those Big Utz things.
52:49 Speaker 01 No, it was, they were, no, I didn't go through one of the Big Utz.
52:53 H. Foley? Like a weevil.
52:57 H. Foley? Like over your heads in it?
52:58 Speaker 01 Like a hedgehog in a thing of oatmeal, baby.
53:01 H. Foley? If you don't know, these Utz party, they're big.
53:04 Speaker 01 Big tubs.
53:05 H. Foley? Big tubs.
53:05 Speaker 01 Like a big tub of pretzels.
53:07 H. Foley? Yes.
53:07 Speaker 01 Like you would see like, you know. Man, that was something else.
53:11 H. Foley? What, they were in a basket?
53:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, they were in a bowl. It was Christmas. They were in a bowl. I'm sitting there in a fucking living room without a TV.
53:18 H. Foley? Is this the same dickhead who called you out with the chocolate covered potato chips?
53:21 Speaker 01 That was Mr. B, shout out to you. I love your picking up. I was a fat kid who liked snacks that were on a table. It was grazing season, Kippy. Kippy was there.
53:33 H. Foley? Woo, coming in like I heard a chuck. Moving from Colorado to Arizona. Woo, eat the grass dry. Look at you.
53:44 Speaker 01 Oh, golly, dude. Well, you go to a place where like, I was going to this family event at this extended family members that wasn't really my family. They were married into my fat, like, you know.
53:57 H. Foley? Uh huh.
53:58 Speaker 01 So I'm there, the parents are doing that shit. I don't really have, I'm fucking eight years old. I don't have a relationship with any of these fucking people. So like.
54:06 H. Foley? Why don't I eat them out of house and home?
54:11 H. Foley? I'll rue the day you invited me over.
54:13 Speaker 01 We're also not there for dinner. We're there to like exchange gifts beforehand.
54:17 H. Foley? Ugh.
54:18 Speaker 01 So we're doing that for like two hours or something. Well, then we're going to like my aunt, my actual aunt's, like we're going to the Sullivan's.
54:25 H. Foley? Do they have dinner?
54:26 Speaker 01 They were have, we were just stopping by before, you know, like Christmas, you go, oh, we're gonna, you know, whoever's gonna stop by.
54:32 H. Foley? Usually do a little more than chips and pretzels, though. People are stopping by. Something hot in the crock pot.
54:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, maybe, nah, they're not doing hot crock pot stuff if people are stopping by for like a glass of wine in exchange gift. We were there for an hour, two tops, and it was, it was mainly-
54:47 H. Foley? Some chili dogs or something.
54:48 Speaker 01 Chili, this, this was a pretty nice, uh-
54:52 H. Foley? Some pulled pork?
54:53 Speaker 01 It was a townhouse, I remember it was a townhouse, and it was on a golf course, which blew my mind. I was like, what are you, are they groundskeeper? Who lives on a, I didn't understand. I remember being like, do you have to like go into the ga, like you have to go to the driving range to get like, I didn't understand.
55:08 H. Foley? Hey, Caddyshack, which cooler has the sodas in it?
55:12 Speaker 01 I had to fight an Italian kid every day, um-
55:15 H. Foley? His dick, I gotta suck to get a shassna around here.
55:18 Speaker 01 But we were only there for like an hour, it's had a kill time, so like the parents are talking.
55:22 H. Foley? There's nothing worse than when parents are talking.
55:23 Speaker 01 I'm in like my church, like I'm in like Christmas clothes.
55:26 H. Foley? Ugh, itchy.
55:28 Speaker 01 And there's, I'm in a living room, she didn't have a TV in the living room, I'm just sitting there on a couch, like looking at all this old shit. The only thing to do is have a little nibble, you know what I mean? Like, I'm only human.
55:40 H. Foley? He either, I just started slapping it.
55:43 Speaker 01 There's no TV.
55:44 H. Foley? So you picked through all the pretzels?
55:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, and then this fucking dickhead came in. And I didn't like him from fucking Jump Street, his pants were too baggy back then. They were like-
55:55 H. Foley? He's an adult?
55:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, he was too skinny. And his pants were too baggy, like-
56:02 H. Foley? He corner you solo, by yourself?
56:03 Speaker 01 Well, he was like, tea started to, I'm like, hey, get in, you know what I mean, like, we get a lot of getting good, these things, and he was like, did you eat all the pretzels out of here? And made me like, shamed me about it. I don't really like, buddy, I didn't, I don't even fucking like you. Fucking sitting here, I'll fucking, I'll tell my mom you touched me. I'll end this fucking party real quick.
56:23 H. Foley? Fucking guy grabbed my ass.
56:25 Speaker 01 Guy grabbed, I tried to grab my brush, oh here.
56:28 H. Foley? Let's go, we're going to grab-
56:31 Speaker 01 Fucking rally the troops are going to Patty's house.
56:33 H. Foley? Hey, thanks for the Chia Pet Lady.
56:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:40 Speaker 01 It's like going, but she also, that was the first time I seen a letter opener. Who the fuck opens mail? You do it like my dad and let it stack next to the fridge.
56:47 H. Foley? Do a letter opener.
56:48 Speaker 01 They're all unpaid bills. This old broad's whose house was...
56:50 H. Foley? I always thought that was for rich people.
56:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, I didn't.
56:53 H. Foley? Eddie just...
56:56 Speaker 01 Put your fucking ripping...
56:57 H. Foley? Yeah.
56:58 Speaker 01 You know, that's what it is. But then I later seen that guy and I went to say hi to him in public and he fucking iced me at a young age.
57:04 H. Foley? Really?
57:05 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
57:05 H. Foley? You fat little bastard, you're eating a pretzel.
57:07 Speaker 01 Told my mom, I said, "Hey, I ran into so and so."
57:09 H. Foley? Where'd you see him?
57:11 Speaker 01 You know, in town. I was like skateboarding in town. Went up, "Hey, what's up?" Fucking turned his back and walked away from me.
57:19 H. Foley? Really?
57:20 Speaker 01 Uh huh. There was some ongoing beefs that I was not aware of.
57:23 H. Foley? No shit.
57:24 Speaker 01 Held my mom. I don't know if you, I don't know if you, she did not like that.
57:28 H. Foley? Like that.
57:29 Speaker 01 Still, still held that. Close to the chest. Oh, you don't say hi to my boy regardless of how many pretzels he's eaten?
57:38 Speaker 01 He's got a glandular problem. He's on steroids.
57:44 H. Foley? Glandular problems, you feel like your glands are sweating. Like when elephants do that?
57:48 Speaker 01 What?
57:48 H. Foley? You ever see when elephants, their glands like sweat? Like rut or whatever?
57:53 Speaker 01 No, I remember that in the early, you know, 90s. Like the fat was, uh, I remember this one, this one family, they used to say you got a glandular problem. I wanted to be like, I... Think it's the hoagies.
58:05 H. Foley? Kind of Lee's hoagie house problem?
58:07 Speaker 01 Think it's all the lunch meat.
58:11 H. Foley? Kid's got a tasty cake problem.
58:13 Speaker 01 Same family used to, it just hit me the other day, I don't know if I ever told you, uh, they used to call me Heavy Kevvy. And the whole family, I remember being like, "This is fucked up." I mean, I like to fucking break balls and all, but you're fucking, you're a dad guy.
58:30 H. Foley? Heavy Kev... Wait, this guy turned his back on you?
58:33 Speaker 01 Who?
58:33 H. Foley? Called you Heavy Kevvy?
58:34 Speaker 01 No, another family. I wasn't well liked.
58:37 H. Foley? Man, you stink. Heavy Kevvy.
58:40 Speaker 01 Oh, Heavy Kevvy. And they, the one kid used to like dance. I wanted to be like, "What the fuck am I doing at this house? This place sucks." It was my buddy's house too. I think you know what guy. Invite me over, whole family trashes me.
58:51 H. Foley? Can I have an orange juice, please? My glands are acting up.
58:55 Speaker 01 More birch beer.
58:59 Speaker 01 Ah, alright, let's see here. This one's from Joey Bagged Donuts, $10 contributor to the XXXL diaper fund. "Am I garbage if the only thing passed down to me when my dad passed away was his plumbing tools, a case of Bud Light Lime and Allagash?" If you know, you know.
59:17 H. Foley? I know Allagash.
59:18 Speaker 01 I know, but I think it's the combination. Is that a thing, maybe? "And his debt. Additionally, he was disorganized plumber and died suddenly, so I actually had a couple... I had to go to a couple of the jobs he was working on and chase down the folks for the cash owed." Respect to that. That is a very...
59:36 Speaker 01 That is a perfectly dirtbag inheritance. You get some debt, you get some tools, and you gotta chase down a couple of the guys who were trying to skirt off.
59:43 H. Foley? Couple of beers.
59:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:46 H. Foley? That debt thing, how serious is that? You die, who gets your debt?
59:52 H. Foley? And do you really have to pay any of that?
59:54 Speaker 01 I don't know. I thought, no, uh...
59:57 H. Foley? I'll just tell everybody to be like, say you haven't talked to me in 10 years, and we don't know each other.
1:00:04 Speaker 01 I don't know. I mean, I don't think, I don't think credit card debt gets passed down. Maybe if they're like... I don't know, Luke. Can you find out what kind of debt gets passed down?
1:00:13 H. Foley? They just eat that?
1:00:15 Speaker 01 If that's the case, I might get fucked. I'm not, I mean, I'm not taking...
1:00:20 Speaker 01 Fine, I gotta talk to some people. I gotta protect myself.
1:00:23 H. Foley? What, for me?
1:00:24 Speaker 01 No! I have fucking bigger scumbags in my life than you. You fucking, you're fucking, you're a preschooler compared to the dogs I roll with.
1:00:33 Speaker 03 Uh, the deceased person's estate has to, is responsible for paying the debts. Um, you're only in trouble if you like co-sign the loans or have any connections.
1:00:44 Speaker 01 They can't, they can't like, they can't. If you're estranged from your mother and your mother has a million dollars in car loans that you're not signed to.
1:00:54 H. Foley? Sweet. I just wanna make sure I'm not leaving anybody holding the bag.
1:00:56 Speaker 01 I would assume the estate, if there's a net positive on the estate, like if there's a house owned. Say there's a, you owe $500,000 to people and you have a $600,000 house. The estate is plus 100,000. So they have to sell all that stuff, pay the tax, and like... The estate is, the people who inherit, yeah, you can't, that's insane.
1:01:18 Speaker 03 Yeah, it says like, uh, "The higher priority debts get paid first," and usually what generally happens is credit cards or personal loans will go unpaid.
1:01:26 H. Foley? Yeah. Suckers.
1:01:29 Speaker 01 My wife was telling me that in Germany, you get, you have to decide ahead of time
1:01:39 Speaker 01 whether you want to accept
1:01:42 Speaker 01 the inheritance and it could be debt that you're responsible for. So you can see if you can look up that, like they contact you and go, do you want to accept this?
1:01:51 H. Foley? What do you mean? Like say, say I'm a, say I'm a guy in Germany?
1:01:54 Speaker 01 I know somebody who's like a pretty big, or somebody's dad who's like a pretty, he's like a businessman, but like really good years, really bad year, like kind of like this spiking up and down, you know? Had the eighties were good, the nineties were bad, kind of broken down, up, down, up, down, you know? Crashed out a couple of times, back up. And they went to her and they were like, do you accept? You have to let us know whether you accept this inheritance, but it could be debt and you have to accept the debt. So she was like, I'm not taking the chance, I'm not taking any.
1:02:27 H. Foley? They don't tell you?
1:02:28 Speaker 01 That's what she was saying.
1:02:29 H. Foley? I'd expect the grandfather to be like, hey, don't worry, it's good.
1:02:32 Speaker 01 I know, but I don't think that's the case. I don't understand.
1:02:36 Speaker 01 That's not really something I can ask her about. I want to open up the books, see what's what.
1:02:40 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:02:41 Speaker 01 Saw the house, it was a nice joint.
1:02:42 H. Foley? Really?
1:02:43 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm. A real nice joint. One of those old classic, like they got the walls and stuff. You know what I mean?
1:02:49 H. Foley? Could you be looking at some stuff like that? Some property in Germany or something?
1:02:53 Speaker 01 No, they live in an apartment.
1:02:54 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:02:55 Speaker 01 On the outskirts of Frankfurt.
1:02:57 H. Foley? Tough break.
1:02:59 Speaker 01 What do you got? Anything?
1:03:00 Speaker 03 Um, I don't see this thing where you don't know anything about it, but it seems like the first, uh, heirs automatically inherit the deceased person's entire legal position, both assets and all debts.
1:03:14 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's what it is. So I think if you accept it, you're accepting,
1:03:18 H. Foley? You gotta find me first.
1:03:19 Speaker 01 You're accepting the debt as well.
1:03:21 Speaker 03 And you have a six week period to formally disclaim the inheritance.
1:03:24 Speaker 01 Yes.
1:03:24 H. Foley? Ooh. I don't know that motherfucker. I don't know that.
1:03:27 Speaker 01 I don't know no NATO.
1:03:29 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:03:29 Speaker 01 NATO Jenkins.
1:03:30 H. Foley? What are they, some fucking Interpol after you or something like that?
1:03:34 Speaker 01 I don't know. Would you just watch The Born Supremacy or something?
1:03:36 H. Foley? No.
1:03:37 Speaker 01 I am Treadstone. You're jumping for the table.
1:03:43 Speaker 01 Oh man, what if you're just a-
1:03:44 H. Foley? What's the other one, Blackbriar?
1:03:46 Speaker 01 Uh-
1:03:46 H. Foley? Treadstone?
1:03:47 Speaker 01 No, is it Blackbriar? No, that's a little too on the nose. Treadstone and, uh, Black Branch or?
1:03:53 H. Foley? I thought it was Blackbriar.
1:03:54 Speaker 03 Blackbriar.
1:03:54 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:03:56 Speaker 01 You tell me.
1:03:58 H. Foley? Treadstone was fucked up. Probably still going on. How come he can't make another one of them?
1:04:03 Speaker 01 He's out, right?
1:04:05 Speaker 03 They did.
1:04:06 Speaker 01 No, but he wasn't in it.
1:04:07 Speaker 03 Um, let me see.
1:04:09 H. Foley? He did what they did one with the-
1:04:10 Speaker 01 Pamela Landry.
1:04:12 H. Foley? Pamela Landy.
1:04:14 Speaker 01 Is it Landy?
1:04:14 H. Foley? No, Landry.
1:04:15 Speaker 01 I just said Landry.
1:04:16 H. Foley? No, Landry is a fucking football player, isn't he?
1:04:19 Speaker 01 I'm sure there's more-
1:04:20 H. Foley? Jim Landry?
1:04:20 Speaker 01 I'm sure there's more person. I'm sure Jim has a family.
1:04:23 H. Foley? Pamela Landy was her name.
1:04:25 Speaker 01 It might be Landy.
1:04:26 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:04:27 Speaker 01 She's standing right next to you. Well, how am I gonna- How am I gonna do that? She's standing right next to you.
1:04:33 H. Foley? What?
1:04:33 Speaker 01 Man, I remember when that dropped.
1:04:35 H. Foley? Oh, shit was great.
1:04:36 Speaker 01 I was calling my mom.
1:04:37 H. Foley? He did that. He did that twice. He did it once to her and once to the fucking dude. He's like, uh, some, some, something.
1:04:44 Speaker 01 Is that Brian Cox in it?
1:04:46 H. Foley? Brian Cox is in that, yeah.
1:04:47 Speaker 01 That guy's been the same age for a hundred years.
1:04:49 H. Foley? Crazy. He's great, though.
1:04:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:04:52 H. Foley? No, this is, this is the other guy. The guy that was in, uh, the guy that was banging, uh, Carmelo Soprano. I can't remember his name. Great actor. But he's like, if you were in your office, we'd be having this conversation in person.
1:05:05 H. Foley? That music starts playing. That's a Moby song.
1:05:08 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:05:09 H. Foley? It is a Moby song.
1:05:10 Speaker 03 2012, you had the Jeremy Renner, The Bourne Legacy, but then in 2016, they came back with a self-titled Jason Bourne with Matt Damon.
1:05:18 Speaker 01 Yeah, jumped the shark.
1:05:20 H. Foley? Say that. Damon could be listening.
1:05:24 Speaker 01 I like Damon. I like Affleck. They're two of my favorite actors of all time.
1:05:30 H. Foley? Very good.
1:05:32 H. Foley? Very good.
1:05:33 Speaker 01 I remember-
1:05:34 H. Foley? Play the game a little bit.
1:05:35 Speaker 01 I remember we were at my Aunt Patty's house and Good Will Hunting was like all the rage, right? It was like took the world by storm. My uncle, my uncle Den seen it.
1:05:42 H. Foley? What'd you eat all that time?
1:05:45 Speaker 01 All this eating. My Uncle Den was not a fan. He's like, you know what I call that one? Good Will Sucking.
1:05:51 H. Foley? Why?
1:05:51 Speaker 01 Leveled the room. Dude, leveled the fucking room. I remember, dude, people were falling out of their chairs. I didn't like it. Oh, you're the janitor is just the smartest guy in the world?
1:06:03 Speaker 01 He's a carpenter from fucking Kensington. You think he's go, okay, all right, these fuck, okay, yeah.
1:06:12 Speaker 01 Didn't buy it for a second. Two guys are too good looking to be working blue collar.
1:06:19 Speaker 01 Fuck out of here. It's not some two fucking male models working at a fucking foundry or whatever they were doing.
1:06:27 Speaker 01 Ah, god, um. Alright, let's see here. This was, uh, this was from Bet Midler's understudy. Great name. Uh, $10 homie never had one read. Is it trashy to buy a decommissioned emergency vehicle as an everyday driver? My uncle bought a cop car at a state auction and would get drunk and pull his friends over. That's a good fucking time. That's awesome.
1:06:48 H. Foley? Yes, it is.
1:06:48 Speaker 01 And go through drive-through spots that would offer police discounts for trying to get a free meal. That might get you jammed up a little bit because you're representing.
1:06:57 H. Foley? Perspiring a police officer.
1:06:58 Speaker 01 Pulling your buddies over.
1:07:00 H. Foley? Drunk.
1:07:01 Speaker 01 That's a good time, dude.
1:07:03 H. Foley? Jesus.
1:07:03 Speaker 01 That's a different time, obviously.
1:07:04 H. Foley? Yeah. I'm surprised they still sell them with the lights. With the lights on them. That's crazy.
1:07:11 Speaker 01 I think they, yeah, I don't know.
1:07:12 H. Foley? At a police, at an auction?
1:07:16 Speaker 01 If you ever, I looked, because I wanted us to go to a police auction. Uh, they're online now and you can just buy a bunch of cop shit. For like, pretty cheap. Like, they just get rid of all their old stuff.
1:07:33 H. Foley? Like cars?
1:07:34 Speaker 01 Like, anything.
1:07:35 H. Foley? You can't buy those tanks, can you?
1:07:36 Speaker 01 I mean, I don't think so.
1:07:39 H. Foley? They're pretty sweet, zipping around one of those.
1:07:40 Speaker 01 Call the fucking USSR for one of those. Um.
1:07:45 H. Foley? Bunch of Chinese bullets.
1:07:48 Speaker 01 They'll label them. Put them in a different container. Um.
1:07:52 H. Foley? That was a different one for Cooper. Playing a bad guy in, uh...
1:07:57 Speaker 01 Uh, very limited role in that, yeah. Was probably day of shooting.
1:08:01 H. Foley? Sure.
1:08:01 Speaker 01 You know what I mean?
1:08:02 H. Foley? Brought him in.
1:08:02 Speaker 01 Uh-huh. Um, alright, let's see. This was from Sheets Run Matt. Uh, what's up, fellas? $10 homie, never had one read. Is it garbage that when I got my very first job in high school, I spent my entire first paycheck on a brand-new pair of Jordans? How you doing? Only to realize I had no money left for the week. I immediately had to borrow 20 bucks from my dad just so I could afford to buy food for my shift that same day. At least I was looking fresh in the new kicks. Love yous. Um. That was all of my life up until this podcast and also the first
1:08:34 H. Foley? Blowing every paycheck on something?
1:08:35 Speaker 01 Two and a half years of this podcast, effectively.
1:08:38 H. Foley? I bought the cassette of the original Batman with Michael Keaton the day it went on sale at West Coast Video. I was probably eighth grade, whenever that came out, maybe ninth.
1:08:53 H. Foley? It was a hundred dollars.
1:08:54 Speaker 01 Jesus. Was it like a box type thing?
1:08:57 H. Foley? No, it was just a thing. It was a hundred bucks, or like ninety-nine dollars. And I wanted it so bad. My mom was just like, she's like, "What are you, you're wasting your money on it?" And it just kinda ruined it for me. And I remember when I got it and I was like, "Ah, what the fuck did I do?" I watched it once.
1:09:17 H. Foley? I thought it might be over there now.
1:09:18 Speaker 01 Um, I have that. It's so funny. I, we, we gambled a lot, you know, poorly, uh, all through like high school. Cause the poker boom had hit and then we just were degenerates looking for a personality, uh, somewhat and had seen rounders.
1:09:35 Speaker 01 I remember I, I, I stopped at the Acme, picked up my check from being a cashier. I'm never sure, it was a hundred and sixty-eight dollars was my take home.
1:09:45 H. Foley? Good shoe.
1:09:45 Speaker 01 Not bad for a fucking, oh, I think they were weekly?
1:09:48 H. Foley? Buy a lot of pretzels with that.
1:09:50 Speaker 01 I'm like caked up, you know, pack of heaters.
1:09:54 H. Foley? Sure.
1:09:54 Speaker 01 We grab a six pack or something, twelve, you know, me and somebody split a twelve something, you know, a couple of beers, standard supplies for the night. Probably out twenty bucks there, twenty, thirty bucks. Probably had to overpay for, the cigs were five, six bucks at the time. I gotta overpay for the booze, you know, whoever's, I'm, you know, juicing me.
1:10:10 H. Foley? Chipping and handling?
1:10:11 Speaker 01 Uh, little, little tax.
1:10:15 Speaker 01 And then I went to my buddy's house and we started gambling and I lost every dollar in what felt like minutes. And the pit in my stomach.
1:10:25 H. Foley? There's no chance of getting that back, like fuck, man.
1:10:27 Speaker 01 They gotta put me on the sheet, like, they're not gonna go, you know, now I get, now I gotta go into the red.
1:10:33 H. Foley? You ran with some criminals.
1:10:35 Speaker 01 I did. Um, and I remember like, I still feel, whenever I lose money, like gambling, I still, I go back to sitting on his floor in his living room, like watching that last card come out and being like, I have zeroed, I, every, it was, it's that feeling of like, everything I just worked for all week, every day, Saturday, all Sunday.
1:10:57 H. Foley? Gone.
1:10:58 Speaker 01 Gone. Gone. Like you fucking idiot. And I think part of me still chases that, like I'm, I like, I like, I like losing more than I like winning.
1:11:11 H. Foley? With you.
1:11:13 H. Foley? I'm with you, dog.
1:11:14 Speaker 01 Bug man, man. Uh huh.
1:11:17 H. Foley? I'm with you.
1:11:17 Speaker 01 Worst summer ever. And on that note, we gotta roll out, baby. A little life lesson with the boys.
1:11:21 H. Foley? Gang, we love you to death. We'll see you next week. Peace.
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