Back in the Basement! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: The Perfect Jeans: F*%k your khakis and get The Perfect Jean 15% off with the code GARBAGE15 at https://theperfectjean.nyc/GARBAGE15 Promo Code: Garbage15 Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Hey gang, the Back on the Block Tour rolls on. We're gonna be in Chicago and Indiana. Get your tickets at RUGarbage.com and run up to Squad and come out and see us.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, then we're doing some pop-up shows in Pottstown, Pennsylvania. And Soul Joel's, baby. Limited tickets. Get them before they're gone. And we're also doing the Netflix is a Joke Festival. Get your tickets before they're gone. We'd love to see you on the road. Do it. La la land.

• 0:22H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they're going to be classy, they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, Dave Tulli, coming at you on a beautiful day. As you can tell, we are back down in the basement here at Toody's. We have major flood damage.

• 0:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, damn.

• 0:47H. Foley?

  We have a leak in the roof.

• 0:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:50H. Foley?

  And it dripped down over our brand-new studio edition that Toody put in with her hard-earned slip-and-fall money. And Toody is now laying in that room where she has been for several days with a neck brace on in a crooked position because the insurance adjuster hasn't showed up. But she is not moving, so she knows that she's gonna get some pain and suffering.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  Wet her beak.

• 1:16H. Foley?

  I also have a bad back from the leak, and I'm very traumatized from it.

• 1:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22H. Foley?

  My co-host is not. He's totally cool. He doesn't need anything. Kevin Ryan is with me here in the basement.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  Thanks a lot, Henry. I'm just... Thank you for pushing through your emotional damage and physical inabilities to be here today with us.

• 1:40H. Foley?

  The leak knocked out two of my teeth.

• 1:42Speaker 01

  Uh-huh. And made my weener small.

• 1:45H. Foley?

  And put several pounds on me. I've been emotional eating since then.

• 1:50Speaker 01

  Doc, you call this a dick?

• 1:51H. Foley?

  Who's our insurance company here?

• 1:53Speaker 01

  GEICO.

• 1:53H. Foley?

  Is that who we have?

• 1:54Speaker 01

  Uh-huh. We got the General.

• 1:55H. Foley?

  You fucking idiot, really?

• 1:57Speaker 01

  We keep you legal for less.

• 1:59H. Foley?

  We don't have GEICO?

• 2:00Speaker 01

  Also, listen, what's up, everybody? Shout out to them. Shout out, thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify.

• 2:09H. Foley?

  Yes, we are. We're in the charts.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  They're going.

• 2:11H. Foley?

  We're in the top 100 on all podcasts, and I believe the top 50 on comedy podcasts.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  You're trying to commit insurance. You're trying to commit insurance fraud over here.

• 2:19H. Foley?

  I'm not trying to commit insurance fraud. My neck hurts.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Then you shouldn't be working. You lost wages.

• 2:23H. Foley?

  You made me commit.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  No, I didn't.

• 2:25H. Foley?

  Oh, Tom, I'll countersue.

• 2:27Speaker 01

  Can't be screwed me getting lost wages.

• 2:30H. Foley?

  Who's our insurance?

• 2:32Speaker 01

  Here?

• 2:32H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 2:33Speaker 01

  Oh, are you genuinely asking me outside of the bit?

• 2:35H. Foley?

  I want the number.

• 2:36Speaker 01

  Uh, it's an Asian woman in North Jersey. That is true.

• 2:41H. Foley?

  Right out my alley.

• 2:42Speaker 01

  Her name's Karen.

• 2:44H. Foley?

  Hey, you can't say her name.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  Why?

• 2:46H. Foley?

  Especially if we start hooking up.

• 2:48Speaker 01

  Then everybody's gonna know.

• 2:54H. Foley?

  Anyway.

• 2:58Speaker 01

  Where am I? I'm a little disoriented.

• 3:00H. Foley?

  I'm blind from the black mold.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  All the pain and suffering.

• 3:05H. Foley?

  Yeah, we got a leak, man.

• 3:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're jammed up.

• 3:07H. Foley?

  Yeah, so we told the homies on the page earlier today, we had a a leak in the bathroom about a month ago. That roof caved in. And then we have a fucking leak in the studio. Okay, where all my toys are, which I hope fucking all my G.I. Joe guys are cool.

• 3:28H. Foley?

  Otherwise. Then you're talking about the US government.

• 3:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a bit of a, it's a bigger issue than we thought. They gotta, there's, you know, they gotta, there's a lot of sanding going on, a lot of steam cleaning. The boys are, the boys are jammed up. So hopefully this is our first and final public episode from...

• 3:52H. Foley?

  I like it down here.

• 3:53Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 3:54H. Foley?

  I think it's pretty cool. Luke's on the couch, sitting there like a stoner.

• 3:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't love this. We're in the middle. I mean, this is, yeah.

• 4:02H. Foley?

  What? It's cool. We're hanging out.

• 4:04Speaker 01

  We're hanging.

• 4:05H. Foley?

  Quit being a bitch. Get some pizzas or something. This is when you gotta eat.

• 4:10Speaker 01

  So you were starting to diet?

• 4:11H. Foley?

  In crisis. Yeah, if you had a feed a crisis. There's shit going on. I'm surprised the neighbors aren't sending gift baskets and stuff like that.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, this has been a very traumatic time for everybody involved.

• 4:22H. Foley?

  It has. Speaking of traumatic times, I was down with my mother.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  Sorry to hear. Who are you suing for that?

• 4:33Speaker 01

  Yikes.

• 4:34H. Foley?

  I was down there with Patty. She's babysitting, uh, my, uh...

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Niece.

• 4:41H. Foley?

  My dog niece.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  Your dog niece?

• 4:44H. Foley?

  My brother's dog.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  Okay. Is that how you say that?

• 4:47H. Foley?

  No, but I just wanted to freak you out a little bit.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Okay, well, it worked. Sue him. Pain in suffering. Greet me out.

• 4:54H. Foley?

  Yeah, which I never really had a big connection with this dog, but I spent a couple of days with her. She's pretty cool.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 5:01H. Foley?

  We did the snuggles, couple of big walks, all that kind of stuff. Um...

• 5:06H. Foley?

  It's close to Easter time, right?

• 5:10Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:11H. Foley?

  Heathens out there that don't know. Jesus was resurrected.

• 5:15Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 5:16H. Foley?

  Uh, and around that time, first of all, I saw a thing on the news that spending on Easter candy is up like 675% this year.

• 5:26Speaker 01

  Whoa, what'd you get, a razor or something?

• 5:30Speaker 01

  Hachi machi.

• 5:31H. Foley?

  Hey, check that carbon dioxide detector. You'll screw up in there.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  Talk about a stimmy check. Hachi machi, gang. If you can still get stock in peeps, buy now.

• 5:40H. Foley?

  Never, but I eat peeps. Um...

• 5:46H. Foley?

  But my mom is the joint decorator for Easter. She's got the Easter stuff out. I sent you both a picture because we don't have certain technical...

• 5:55Speaker 01

  We don't have a screen.

• 5:55H. Foley?

  We don't have a screen, because that's in the studio. That's soaking wet.

• 6:00Speaker 01

  I mean, pull the fourth wall. Luke and Diesel were trying to fucking get all new equipment.

• 6:06H. Foley?

  I know.

• 6:07Speaker 01

  I need a new car. I need a new bike to leak, to leak out all my shoes.

• 6:11H. Foley?

  Did the $100,000 in cash I have in there get all wet? Because that gets real bad.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  And the vending machine don't take my bills.

• 6:19Speaker 01

  How the hell am I supposed to eat?

• 6:21H. Foley?

  Yeah, Luke.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 6:24H. Foley?

  Anyway...

• 6:25Speaker 01

  Alright, so you want me to look at the picture?

• 6:26H. Foley?

  I want you to look at the picture of the bullshit...

• 6:29Speaker 01

  That's wack.

• 6:30H. Foley?

  That this fucking broad has the balls to put out in an Easter candy basket.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  First of all.

• 6:37H. Foley?

  No, it's just a couple of...

• 6:40Speaker 01

  It looks like what they give out at Bellevue. It's crazy, dude.

• 6:43H. Foley?

  Now, I want to go on record and say, for a while Patty has had a, a bowl of good and plenies, which I, in my older age, have, have mentioned on this broadcast, that I enjoy after a savory meal.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  What's? What is that all?

• 7:00H. Foley?

  A succulents. After, after some cutlets, Patty throws at you. Well, listen, we all know Patty's an ace in the kitchen. Don't get me wrong, but this shit with the black licorice. I like the good and plenies. You start throwing in black fucking jelly bean, black and white jelly beans? What the fuck?

• 7:18Speaker 01

  They look like pills, dude.

• 7:20H. Foley?

  And you think that there's one or two purple ones in there?

• 7:22Speaker 01

  I think that's a Nexium.

• 7:28H. Foley?

  Fucking nurse ratchet over here.

• 7:30Speaker 01

  Couple, a couple of fucking Dramamine floating around.

• 7:32H. Foley?

  Two of those, I wake up, I got no kidney.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  Underwear is all backwards.

• 7:37H. Foley?

  My, my hair's all.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  She's throwing key parties, dude. She's a swinger. These are all, these gay, these are sideways.

• 7:42H. Foley?

  Fucking lewds. The, the purple ones you would think would be like grape or something? Uh-uh. It's that all spice flavor. You know what I'm talking about? It's like.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you put it on chicken. What are you doing? You got chicken flavored jelly beans?

• 7:56H. Foley?

  It's like that clove spice shit. It's like I'm taking a bite of deodorant.

• 8:01Speaker 01

  There's too many different sizes. A bowl of candy should at least be colorful, whatever, but like. Even they, everything looks different. A Tic Tac or two in there.

• 8:10H. Foley?

  Yeah. Not to mention she's got these dog treats that look just like Teddy grams. I came this close to fucking throwing a handful of them back. Trying to kill me down here.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 8:19H. Foley?

  Anyway, I just wanted to point that out.

• 8:21Speaker 01

  That's bad.

• 8:21H. Foley?

  Pretty whack bowl of candy, but. Patty, she's probably watching. Thank you for going to pick up Fran's owns. You're the best. I love you. She stopped and got it. She got a pizza, my, my, one of my favorite pizzas down there. Fran's owns pizza in Conchak. She picked up a pie, sweet pie. Love it. Very good.

• 8:41H. Foley?

  I don't want to get into the ice cream situation. That was kind of a, that was almost a war.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  Why?

• 8:46H. Foley?

  Because.

• 8:48H. Foley?

  This all sounds really bad for a 50 year old man.

• 8:51Speaker 01

  No.

• 8:51H. Foley?

  I said we should stop and get ice cream. She said I have ice cream at the house. I get there, there's like three scoops.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  And that's not enough for a man of your stature.

• 9:00H. Foley?

  No, because she was getting, she was having a cone.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  So two scoops isn't enough for you?

• 9:05H. Foley?

  What, two scoops? What am I, a bowl of raisin bran? Get the fuck out of here, two scoops.

• 9:10Speaker 01

  You are an all time dickhead.

• 9:12H. Foley?

  We were watching shows together. It was a big NCIS.

• 9:16Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 9:16H. Foley?

  Big show, 200 episodes, something like that. Make a lot of money on that show. Yeah.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  Uh huh. What kind of ice cream are we talking?

• 9:23H. Foley?

  It was chocolate chocolate chip.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  Turkey hill?

• 9:25H. Foley?

  Yes. Or a turkey hill organic or something like that.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  Whack.

• 9:30H. Foley?

  Probably not, but.

• 9:33H. Foley?

  I don't think the hill does organic.

• 9:35Speaker 01

  They do for marketing purposes.

• 9:37H. Foley?

  Sure. It's good. Chocolate chocolate chip.

• 9:40Speaker 01

  Where did you want to stop me to get ice cream? At like a joint or like?

• 9:43H. Foley?

  Okay, I'll tell you the truth.

• 9:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, no thanks.

• 9:47Speaker 01

  It's always, it's always smoke and mirrors with you.

• 9:50H. Foley?

  So, when I saw the, I said to her sometime earlier that day when she had gotten back from the pizza, I don't have a license right now. Because it's still suspended because I got that thing.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  What's it like being 14 complaining about ice cream? I want my pizza, this candy sucks, and the ice cream at home is no good.

• 10:08H. Foley?

  You, you, you get my back on a candy thing, come on.

• 10:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, but this is good, this goes.

• 10:14H. Foley?

  I ate the black liquor, I ate the black liquor's jelly beans too.

• 10:17Speaker 01

  Listen, you have a leg, you have a leg to stand on when you're complaining about the jelly beans, but that with the menagerie of other shortcomings you have.

• 10:23H. Foley?

  I know, I did a bunch of shit for her at the house. Last time I was.

• 10:28H. Foley?

  Anyway, I say, do you have any ice cream? She says, yes. I say, what do you have? She's like, I have that chocolate, chocolate chip. I'm, I'm, I like it. It's good. I'm like, sweet. So I'm thinking, you know, half a half a, when you say that, you know, there's not fucking, the Angela's ashes version in there, fucking, we're, you know, we're cutting a bean together. So it comes ice cream time, right after, uh, ABC world news with, uh, what's his name?

• 10:59Speaker 01

  Lester Holt.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 11:04H. Foley?

  That's NBC, but she does not watch.

• 11:08Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 11:08H. Foley?

  She watches ABC World News with, uh, what's the fucking dude's name?

• 11:14Speaker 01

  David Muir.

• 11:14H. Foley?

  Yeah, David Muir. She watches that. So that, and then we-

• 11:18Speaker 01

  She's a sheep.

• 11:21Speaker 01

  Someone needs to red pill this bitch.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  Have her come over Denise's house.

• 11:29H. Foley?

  She goes over there to Jesse Wooders.

• 11:32Speaker 01

  I'll have Denise turn her out.

• 11:36H. Foley?

  Anyway. Uh, um, yeah. So it comes time, yeah, it's ice cream time. Dogs get their pup cup.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  You're fifty, right?

• 11:46H. Foley?

  They just turned. Dog gets-

• 11:48Speaker 01

  Hey, happy birthday.

• 11:50H. Foley?

  The dogs get their pup cup.

• 11:51Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 11:51H. Foley?

  Uh, yeah.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  With what?

• 11:53H. Foley?

  Whipped cream.

• 11:55Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  How little dabble do you too, I feel. You took a little whack off that, didn't you? Huh? You're a nitrous Nate.

• 12:06Speaker 01

  Get a, get a quick wah wah with the mom, will you?

• 12:09H. Foley?

  Yeah, the dogs get a pup cup. So, you know. What am I fucking?

• 12:16H. Foley?

  No.

• 12:18Speaker 01

  No what?

• 12:20H. Foley?

  She didn't have any whipped cream, but she had heavy cream, which I had used in my coffee earlier that day, which caused a major spill on my t-shirt, because I guess it's been sitting in there for a little bit. And the cream had formed on top, which is, you know, it's good heavy cream. And I, I shook it and nothing happened. Then I squeeze it and it goes all over my shirt.

• 12:42H. Foley?

  So she had to wash that.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  Sure, obviously.

• 12:46H. Foley?

  I had my coffee with a little splash of heavy cream. Try it out. It's delicious. Very good.

• 12:51Speaker 01

  Now, does she let you use the telephone or how does that work?

• 12:55H. Foley?

  I can't make any long distance calls. If we had a house line, which we don't, she's not paying for that.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  Someone calls that. You pick up. My mom's not here. Oh, is that right? Yeah. How old are you? Fifty?

• 13:09Speaker 01

  He said not to banter to dwarves or strangers, but you sound like a nice guy.

• 13:14H. Foley?

  Man, I stink.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, it ain't great.

• 13:17H. Foley?

  Anywho.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  But I will give you a living back at home with your mom.

• 13:23H. Foley?

  I'm not living back at home, you fucking dick. I was down there shooting a TV show.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  Hey, listen.

• 13:28H. Foley?

  I stopped at my mom's to spend the night before, before I got a car and came back up to New York.

• 13:33Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 13:35H. Foley?

  Where I'm doing very well. Financially and personally. I'm not living there, you fuck dick.

• 13:42Speaker 01

  I meant staying, you know what I meant.

• 13:44H. Foley?

  I stayed a night there.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  Right, that's all.

• 13:46H. Foley?

  To spend time with my mother and to help her out with something.

• 13:48Speaker 01

  Listen, for a guy not living with his mom, you're sure defensive, like, you know.

• 13:52H. Foley?

  She lives with me.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  It's kind of a cohabitation thing we got going.

• 13:56H. Foley?

  No, I'm not living down there, dick.

• 13:58Speaker 01

  No one said you were.

• 13:59H. Foley?

  You did.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  No, I missed.

• 14:00H. Foley?

  Chicks watching this.

• 14:01Speaker 01

  I misspoke. Yeah, your mom. Yeah, fucking give you an earful, your next roommate meeting you guys have.

• 14:08H. Foley?

  How dare you?

• 14:11Speaker 01

  Um, okay.

• 14:13H. Foley?

  I didn't finish my story about the ice cream.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 14:15H. Foley?

  That's when I discovered when it was ice cream time, how little ice cream was there. Okay?

• 14:20Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 14:21H. Foley?

  So I Uber Eats a pint of Ben and Jerry's. For us to share.

• 14:29H. Foley?

  Chocolate brownie.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 14:31H. Foley?

  You're welcome. Which she couldn't understand that. She had, she, I'm going to take a shower. I'm like, just so you know, I, I, I, I got some ice cream.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, what? How'd you get ice cream?

• 14:41H. Foley?

  Sure. I said, I, oh my god, I Uber Eats it.

• 14:46Speaker 01

  It's a pint of Uber Eats that you back? That's the only thing you got? No, it was not. If I know my, if I know my friend, I know my friend.

• 14:55H. Foley?

  I don't like the way this is all being painted.

• 14:56Speaker 01

  And listen, I don't think you ordered a bag of spinach either, okay? Chubbs McGillicuddy. I think there was some candy involved.

• 15:04H. Foley?

  No, there was no candy.

• 15:06Speaker 01

  Franzone's Pizza.

• 15:07H. Foley?

  Well, I had a Franzone's Pizza, I had, yeah, two pies.

• 15:10Speaker 01

  Uh huh. What else did you get?

• 15:12H. Foley?

  From Uber Eats.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 15:14H. Foley?

  That night? Which night was it?

• 15:18H. Foley?

  I got a...

• 15:22H. Foley?

  Now I'm down 75 pounds, just so everybody knows, okay? I don't want everybody getting too overhyped about this, or like Foley's falling apart and not like that. We're on a comeback, we're doing great, okay? This is comedy purposes.

• 15:34Speaker 01

  So you're really sticking to the bit that this is?

• 15:37H. Foley?

  I got a French toast sizzly. With turkey sausage and American cheese. I had to get something, they weren't gonna deliver just one pint of ice cream, no they weren't. It didn't meet the quota.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  It's not 1922.

• 15:50H. Foley?

  It didn't meet the quota, they said you have to spend a little more money.

• 15:53Speaker 01

  You have to spend exactly a French toast sizzly in order to get this delivered.

• 15:58H. Foley?

  And man, this morning, how many sandwiches did you get last night? Just fucking busting my balls.

• 16:05Speaker 01

  Well, I mean, I think that's a fair question to ask.

• 16:07H. Foley?

  No it's not, I'm a grown man.

• 16:09Speaker 01

  A growing boy.

• 16:10H. Foley?

  Not to mention I get there, were they happy with you, did you do a good job?

• 16:15H. Foley?

  How Tampa go? Just fucking needle and needle.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  Sounds like it's like hanging out with you.

• 16:21H. Foley?

  No.

• 16:21Speaker 01

  That thing's nuts.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  The French toast, get some eyes on the French toast sizzly.

• 16:25H. Foley?

  Hey, what are you, the fucking school newspaper over here? Take it easy.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  It's got some artificial swirl in there.

• 16:33H. Foley?

  That's cinnamon.

• 16:34Speaker 01

  That's the diabetes.

• 16:38H. Foley?

  That's Ozempic.

• 16:41H. Foley?

  Yeah, so but, can I, can I tell you this?

• 16:43Speaker 01

  You can tell me whatever you want bud.

• 16:44H. Foley?

  Can I apologize?

• 16:47H. Foley?

  I never had the ice cream.

• 16:49Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 16:50H. Foley?

  Sitting in there, didn't touch it.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 16:52H. Foley?

  Yep.

• 16:55Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 16:56H. Foley?

  Cause I was sick from the French toast sizzly and the jelly beans.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  Cinnamon swirl.

• 17:02H. Foley?

  Yeah, anyway. That was a situation with the Easter candy down there at my mom's. Now, I know somewhere in that house, there's a bunch of good Easter candy hidden.

• 17:11Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 17:12H. Foley?

  But she has that shit out to throw me off the scent, which I respect.

• 17:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, she can't put that, yeah, listen, you know.

• 17:20H. Foley?

  I scooped it out a little bit, I couldn't find nothing. So she might have some new hiding spots.

• 17:26Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 17:27H. Foley?

  I did almost eat a moth.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  You're like a grizzly bear. You gotta like, you gotta put it up in the attic, otherwise you'll find it.

• 17:36H. Foley?

  Bury it in a cool wet sack in the bed.

• 17:39Speaker 01

  Um.

• 17:41H. Foley?

  Good weekend.

• 17:41Speaker 01

  Sounds it. Sounds like a great weekend.

• 17:44H. Foley?

  Kebby, let's talk about The Perfect Jeans.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  Ooh, The Perfect Jeans, The Perfect Jeans, The Perfect Jeans.

• 17:48H. Foley?

  Now, as you know, I'm down a couple of pounds.

• 17:51Speaker 01

  Looking good, big guy.

• 17:52H. Foley?

  Thank you. The toughest thing to get has been jeans.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 17:56H. Foley?

  But now with The Perfect Jeans, I say goodbye to the saggy butt, the baggies, the whatever. If you want the perfect pair of jeans, go over to The Perfect Jeans and get yourself straightened out.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  Yes, life is too short for denim that fights you every step of the way. These jeans move with you. Whether you're chasing kids, tackling chores, or just chilling like a boss, they got you covered. Uh, denim's so stretchy, it's yoga-ready, sharp enough to turn heads, and comfy enough, you'll forget that you're wearing them until someone compliments you. Listen, finding jeans that fit you right is the hardest thing. The good folks over there at The Perfect Jeans were nice enough to lace us up, and I gotta tell you, it's a frickin' game changer. You can travel in these things. They're not stiff, they fit, they're snug in the right spots, they're loose in the right spots, they just fit nice. The Perfect Jeans has six fits, a size range from 26 to 50 inch waist

• 18:47Speaker 01

  for the bigger gentleman, and lengths up to 38 for the stretch Armstrongs out there. Uh, they give you 5,000 plus ways to find your perfect match. They got thick, skinny, short, tall, no matter what you are, The Perfect Jeans has you covered. For a limited time, our listeners get 15% off their first order, plus free shipping, at theperfectjean.nyc, or Google The Perfect Jeans and use the code GARBAGE15 for 15% off. That's 15% off for new customers at theperfectjean.nyc with the promo code GARBAGE15. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them the boys sent you. Fuck your khakis and get The Perfect Jeans, do it.

• 19:21H. Foley?

  Yeah. Kep, Tumbup, Shopify, baby.

• 19:24Speaker 01

  Shopify, Shopify, Shopify.

• 19:26H. Foley?

  Shopify, Shopify, Shopify, we are a Shopify family. If you have a business, whether it's brick and mortar, whether it's online, do yourself a favor, take the business to the next level and use Shopify. We use you for the store, we got merch on sale right now.

• 19:41Speaker 01

  Listen, we just did a huge drop powered by Shopify.

• 19:44H. Foley?

  Powered by Shopify.

• 19:45Speaker 01

  Shopify, uh, listen, we were bozos with the merch. We didn't know what was what. Shopify has allowed us, I mean, you can add all these different products, different product lines. You can do, uh, sales. You can do free shipping, which we got going on right now. No big deal. Um, they let you do all these kinds of things. You can have multiple pictures for each product. And listen, I know we got a lot of people out there, a lot of side business, a lot of hustlers.

• 20:06H. Foley?

  Hustlers.

• 20:06Speaker 01

  Who create products, whether you do wood products, whether you do paintings, whether you do this, you do that. Shopify can take care of you. Um, if you haven't heard about Shopify, it helps you find, it helps your customers find you with easy to run email and social media campaigns. Uh, Shopify is always around to share advice with their award-winning 24/7 support. And right now, it's time to turn up those, uh, what ifs and those sales with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com/garbage. Go to Shopify.com/garbage. One more time, that's Shopify.com/garbage. Do it.

• 20:40H. Foley?

  Do it.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  I, uh, before we left for Tampa.

• 20:45H. Foley?

  Shout out to it. Shout out to everybody that came out to Tampa. Very special weekend down there. Uh, we appreciate you guys very, very much.

• 20:52Speaker 01

  Very, very, very much. Very, 4.95 sold out shows. No one needs to know about the back row on Thursday night.

• 20:59H. Foley?

  Right.

• 20:59Speaker 01

  I wouldn't tell anybody that.

• 21:00H. Foley?

  Right.

• 21:00Speaker 01

  Five sold out shows.

• 21:01H. Foley?

  Heaters on Friday and Saturday. Just bangers.

• 21:04Speaker 01

  Right then. Um.

• 21:06H. Foley?

  We appreciate it very much.

• 21:07Speaker 01

  Before, I did, I did maybe the trashiest thing I've done in a long time.

• 21:11H. Foley?

  What's this? When?

• 21:13Speaker 01

  I was home, I was down, I was visiting Denise and I, I, we were, you know, stressed, shooting the special, the whole nine yard travel, this, that.

• 21:23H. Foley?

  After, this is after.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  Before.

• 21:25H. Foley?

  You were stressed before.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  I was stressed before. Yeah. Um.

• 21:29H. Foley?

  Saturday, you really loosened up.

• 21:31Speaker 01

  What?

• 21:31H. Foley?

  Friday, you loosened up.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  Thanks.

• 21:33H. Foley?

  You did. You were, because I think after the first show Friday, you felt really good and that made me very happy.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 21:38H. Foley?

  And then we had a great weekend, the rest of the weekend.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  Great weekend, rest of the weekend. Uh huh. Um, I, uh, I, I was stressed, right? You know, we got a lot going on.

• 21:49H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 21:50Speaker 01

  Uh, I was like, I want to go get a massage. I start poking around places to go get a massage.

• 21:57H. Foley?

  Down there?

• 21:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:58H. Foley?

  Ooh.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  I know. Nothing really, because in New York, you're used to like the fucking, you know, I don't know if they're fucking Jack Shacks or what, but they're the dollar a minute joints. You know what I mean? All just like the little Asian spots. There's one like every couple of blocks.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  Well, they don't have them in the burbs. You know what I mean? And when you're walking by or it's in a neighborhood, it's a little more,

• 22:23Speaker 01

  you know, appetizing. It's weird if you pull up to a strip mall and it's like the last thing in the you know what I mean? There's no, it, it, it fits in the setting in New York.

• 22:33H. Foley?

  Next to a butcher shop?

• 22:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, it just doesn't, you know, next to something that just says taxes or something like that. So I like, I pulled up to a cup. I was like, this just looks shady. Yeah, this looks like I'm about to get a sting or something's gonna happen. You know what I mean?

• 22:48H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 22:48Speaker 01

  Like the cops running and I swear to God. Meanwhile, I'm hard already in the parking lot.

• 22:55H. Foley?

  That's why you're supposed to take care of yourself before you go to those places.

• 22:59Speaker 01

  I do that. I told you that. That was my move.

• 23:01H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 23:02Speaker 01

  Get them before you go in. That way there's no chance of that guy giving me a hard on.

• 23:07H. Foley?

  Going in with a limp noodle.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  Empty gun. You know what I mean?

• 23:11H. Foley?

  Hold on, this is before you left? You weren't gonna be in New York?

• 23:15Speaker 01

  No.

• 23:16H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  Um.

• 23:20H. Foley?

  Freak.

• 23:21Speaker 01

  I wasn't a hell, whatever. I just needed to release some tension.

• 23:24H. Foley?

  I bet you did. With a shocker.

• 23:28Speaker 01

  Finger my asshole. Um, I, uh, so the only one I can find that I'm like relatively okay with was in the Oxford Valley Mall.

• 23:43Speaker 01

  It was, it was, and I got there before the mall opened.

• 23:48H. Foley?

  Was it one of those dudes that do it out in the mall by the kiosk? Like you're hunched over like that?

• 23:52Speaker 01

  Nah, now real estate's, I mean, there's only like six stores in the mall left.

• 23:56H. Foley?

  Nice and quiet, huh?

• 23:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, I like it.

• 23:59H. Foley?

  Who else is in that parking lot?

• 24:00Speaker 01

  I mean.

• 24:01H. Foley?

  Other freaks like him.

• 24:03Speaker 01

  Other guy's about to get jerked off.

• 24:09Speaker 01

  It's just me and a bunch of guys who look like me.

• 24:11H. Foley?

  A lot of guys in sunglasses and their hats pulled down low.

• 24:16Speaker 01

  A bunch of guys pre-gaming in the car.

• 24:21H. Foley?

  Puffins the Alice.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  So I park. It's at the end of the mall.

• 24:27H. Foley?

  No shit.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  It's at the.

• 24:29H. Foley?

  I didn't think it was at the Penny's.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  It's across from the Penny.

• 24:32H. Foley?

  Oh my god.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  Um.

• 24:35H. Foley?

  Got jerked off in there?

• 24:36Speaker 01

  No, I didn't get jerked off in there.

• 24:42Speaker 01

  No.

• 24:42H. Foley?

  Getting whacked off in a mall?

• 24:44Speaker 01

  Stop it. That is gross.

• 24:47H. Foley?

  And then probably going and stuffing your face with an Annie's.

• 24:50Speaker 01

  I hit some borrows.

• 24:53H. Foley?

  Did you?

• 24:56H. Foley?

  We got a thick slice and a diet coke. I'm a little sleepy.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  I'm smoking.

• 25:04H. Foley?

  How's your day going?

• 25:05Speaker 01

  Hey, how beautiful day out today. Woo!

• 25:10H. Foley?

  You just got fucking ripcord.

• 25:17H. Foley?

  Some Asian dude just pulled your injector seat.

• 25:23H. Foley?

  I was really hoping for something. That's what came out. So go ahead. Obviously, we're joking, Kevin. I'll do that.

• 25:32Speaker 01

  We're joking? Um, no. So I go and, and I'm talking to my wife. I go, at least I can't go to a fucking, I can't go get my, I can't go get a massage in the mall. She's like, just go.

• 25:43H. Foley?

  Meanwhile, you're in the parking lot.

• 25:47Speaker 01

  Uh, so I go in the doors. Dude, this is how bad malls are. They just never came and opened up the door.

• 25:53H. Foley?

  Like that on that part?

• 25:53Speaker 01

  The mall. Yeah, like, it was like me.

• 25:56H. Foley?

  Gotta go around front.

• 25:57Speaker 01

  It was me, a guy, uh, in all Eagles gear, like head to toe Eagles gear. I think he was an old timer cruising.

• 26:04H. Foley?

  Cruising what?

• 26:05Speaker 01

  Like just the mall. Like they go and get their, he's cruising for guys waiting. Waiting for fucking sunshine blue massages. Um.

• 26:14H. Foley?

  Know what it was called?

• 26:14Speaker 01

  Uh, it's called, uh, Serene Blue.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  She blew. My top off. Uh.

• 26:24Speaker 01

  It was me and then they, they were training service dogs. So it was like me and like four German Shepherds.

• 26:29H. Foley?

  Where?

• 26:31Speaker 01

  I guess they walked them through the mall.

• 26:33H. Foley?

  Hope these dogs don't smell cum, huh?

• 26:38Speaker 01

  They're just growling at my dick and my ass.

• 26:43H. Foley?

  What the fuck, man? They're train and service dogs in there?

• 26:49Speaker 01

  It's like, look at these shit.

• 26:54H. Foley?

  Didn't have some dude in like that, that outfit, did they?

• 26:57Speaker 01

  They're waterboarding some guy in the fountain.

• 27:04H. Foley?

  They didn't have a dude in that dog bite suit, did they?

• 27:06Speaker 01

  Did you get a handjob? They're dunking them.

• 27:11Speaker 01

  Did you go to Serene Blown and get a handjob?

• 27:22Speaker 01

  No, they didn't have a guy in the suit. He's, he's running down the Spencer's kid.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  The dog's just mauling them.

• 27:33H. Foley?

  I mean, that'd be pretty sick. Hey, you wanna get people back to the mall, that's what you gotta do.

• 27:37Speaker 01

  That little foot track, that little showmanship.

• 27:41H. Foley?

  Hey, how would they, what would they training them? To work at the same glass house?

• 27:47H. Foley?

  That's, that's what they're doing at malls now, they're training fucking bomb sniffers?

• 27:51Speaker 01

  I mean, and they were, they were combat dogs. They were like, get, bring him, you know.

• 27:55H. Foley?

  What?

• 27:55Speaker 01

  That they were like, re-acclimating into the, into the civilian life or so.

• 28:01H. Foley?

  No, they weren't. Yeah, you hurt locker dogs?

• 28:07H. Foley?

  Sexy spot. You mean like the dogs when they have the glasses on that jump out of the plane to the seals?

• 28:12Speaker 01

  No, I don't think that.

• 28:14H. Foley?

  You don't, you never seen that? Ah, it's so cute. They fuck you up, though. It makes me so, I wouldn't, I'd be so worried about the dog. Dogs are liability. I know they fuck people up and probably, you know. I'd be, I'd be...

• 28:28Speaker 01

  I thought you were worried about jumping out of the fucking plane?

• 28:30H. Foley?

  I know the seals use those dogs.

• 28:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, no shit. Well, that's what these were. These were like...

• 28:35H. Foley?

  I'd be so pissed if something happened, like. Emo, yeah, how would you not be able to be emotional if something happened to the dog? You motherfucker, you killed my dog!

• 28:47Speaker 01

  What? Also, you just started, you did the hand motion and you're just spraying.

• 28:54H. Foley?

  Hey chill my dog or shot the dog or something? So they were coming back, huh?

• 29:02Speaker 01

  They were back and man, I wa-

• 29:03H. Foley?

  What did you, what did you ask somebody this?

• 29:05Speaker 01

  Nah, they had like the shirts on or something, not the dogs. The trainers.

• 29:11H. Foley?

  That sounds like you were tripping.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  Serene blue. Dude, these dogs, I walked off, they were, they all popped, they were laying down and they popped up and were mugging me.

• 29:21H. Foley?

  Yeah, you come all over you.

• 29:23Speaker 01

  Creep.

• 29:27Speaker 01

  They were looking at me like, this guy parties.

• 29:31H. Foley?

  German shepherds?

• 29:33Speaker 01

  Two shepherds in like a, like a lab.

• 29:36H. Foley?

  Dox- doxins?

• 29:37Speaker 01

  Okay, chihuahuas. Cartels.

• 29:43Speaker 01

  So they, uh, yeah, so then I had to go to another entrance, which was like, and I'm the guy, so I got back in the car like, I can't do this, that's a sign, I'm out. And I went back to another one, I went in, I went in that way.

• 29:55H. Foley?

  Where?

• 29:56Speaker 01

  I went into the mall, but in another entrance, had to get in my car, drive to another entrance, park the car while getting in.

• 30:01H. Foley?

  Just go home, dude.

• 30:03Speaker 01

  I know, dude. I know. And I walked in, I did a, I did a, I had to pee first, so I did a breeze by the place just to get eyes on it real quick.

• 30:13H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 30:14Speaker 01

  It wasn't a soul, dude, it wasn't a soul inside, we're talking 10, we're talking 10:15 on like, oh, Tuesday morning, at the Oxford Valley Mall.

• 30:24H. Foley?

  That's prime sting time, dude.

• 30:27Speaker 01

  That's what the dogs are there for, we got them.

• 30:30H. Foley?

  Man, that's prime sting, what are you doing here, sir?

• 30:34Speaker 01

  Got a bad back.

• 30:35H. Foley?

  I was looking for the hot rocks, that's all.

• 30:38Speaker 01

  Uh, so I went to the bathroom, used the bathroom.

• 30:41H. Foley?

  At the mall?

• 30:42Speaker 01

  At the mall.

• 30:43H. Foley?

  Man, you are, you got red flags all over you.

• 30:45Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 30:46H. Foley?

  Who the fuck uses that?

• 30:48Speaker 01

  Dude, there was two guys going over, uh, their, one guy's resume at the mall food court at 10:15 a.m. He's like, well, you need to change this to this, I go, buddy, you're not getting the job, neither one of you, I don't think the other guy's an employee.

• 31:01H. Foley?

  That's some shit I would do. Eating Chinese food.

• 31:07Speaker 01

  Fucking plate full of noodles. Plate full of brown noodles.

• 31:11H. Foley?

  What is it about the Lo Mein there is so goddamn good. Had a food court, Chinese place.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  But I do gotta give it, there was a handful of old timers. Hanging out, having their coffee because the Dunkin was open. One guy had a little ice cream. I was like, that's fucking, that's nice. That's their hangout. No one's bothering them.

• 31:28H. Foley?

  He's yelled at me for having ice cream.

• 31:30Speaker 01

  What?

• 31:30H. Foley?

  He's yelled at me for having ice cream.

• 31:33Speaker 01

  I was yelling for breaking your mom's balls about the ice cream. Also, I didn't know I yelled at you, made fun of you. Poked fun. Um. So I go back in and uh, man, it just really. I walk in and a woman walks by the back. Like she's like all the way in, it's a big joint. Space is cheap. So there's gotta be like 30 rooms in there. I'm the only guy there. And she's the only girl there. And she's in the back mopping.

• 32:06Speaker 01

  Like with like a big mop. I'm like, that's a lot of come, you know what I mean? Uh. So I'm like, this isn't going to be the woman who gives me like, there was just one girl.

• 32:15H. Foley?

  Fuck it ain't.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  Well, yeah. Dude, these coarse ass hands she had. They were like manual labor hands.

• 32:22H. Foley?

  So you went in and got a body, a full massage? What'd you strip down to?

• 32:26Speaker 01

  If there was a sign that said, please leave your underwear on. Because at the end of the day, I am in the mall.

• 32:32H. Foley?

  Is that what the sign said?

• 32:36H. Foley?

  That would be awesome.

• 32:37Speaker 01

  Don't forget, you are in the mall right now.

• 32:40H. Foley?

  Please keep your underwear on.

• 32:41Speaker 01

  It said, please keep your underwear on. And she made me think there was going to be no hanky panky. I also checked the reviews.

• 32:48H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  Uh huh. Um. But yeah, there was a, it was very professional, did some hot rocks.

• 32:54H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  Uh, you know.

• 32:56H. Foley?

  Did the tunes going?

• 32:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, the, the. That purple rain. Uh.

• 33:02H. Foley?

  I never meant to.

• 33:06H. Foley?

  I got diesel with that.

• 33:08Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, it was very professional, but it did make, it was.

• 33:14Speaker 01

  It didn't feel great as a human of going there to get a massage. It just was not the best. It's not where a lot of people are getting massages. It was, it was, it was a, you know.

• 33:24H. Foley?

  It's cool.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  But it is what it is.

• 33:26H. Foley?

  Said she was awesome.

• 33:27Speaker 01

  She was great. I tipped her heavy.

• 33:29H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 33:30Speaker 01

  Oh, no chain again. That's honey. That's for you.

• 33:33H. Foley?

  You got cash?

• 33:33Speaker 01

  Next time underwear comes off.

• 33:37Speaker 01

  You got cash. Always make sure you got cash.

• 33:38H. Foley?

  You ripped that sign down.

• 33:40Speaker 01

  And you play ball? Yeah, but it was very, I highly recommend it. Serene Blue in Oxford Valley Mall.

• 33:47H. Foley?

  So this is before?

• 33:49Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:49H. Foley?

  Still showed up at Tampa with a little bit of a toot on you.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 33:52H. Foley?

  Wasn't that great?

• 33:53Speaker 01

  And what would you have had, you think?

• 33:55H. Foley?

  Huh?

• 33:56Speaker 01

  What?

• 33:56H. Foley?

  What, on me?

• 33:58Speaker 01

  And you were just, you were just fucking, you were, you were happy-go-lucky?

• 34:02H. Foley?

  I was Vibes guy all weekend. No?

• 34:04Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. You want to bring, I did, this was, this is more of a hard feelings, but...

• 34:10H. Foley?

  Thought we had a nice breakfast?

• 34:11Speaker 01

  See, no, now you do this, you put it on all of us. It's not on us. You ask, was I a Vibes guy all weekend? And Luke's gonna give you the honest answer.

• 34:18Speaker 02

  You started the trip with emergency diarrhea.

• 34:22H. Foley?

  Started the trip with emergency diarrhea.

• 34:25Speaker 02

  You had to sleep it off, literally, on the plane.

• 34:28H. Foley?

  That's true. Goddamn Zepbound. Get you.

• 34:31Speaker 01

  I ain't gonna get you. Um, but all that's neither here nor there. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands, gang. As you know, when you join the old Patreon, eh, we will answer your garbage question on the air. Whether we're down in the basement, whether we're in the fucking addition, wherever we are, the boys will stand and deliver.

• 34:47H. Foley?

  That's right. Just in the nick of time, too.

• 34:49Speaker 01

  Vibes guy.

• 34:50H. Foley?

  Stacking heat on me.

• 34:53Speaker 01

  And we're happy. Up, up, up, up, up. Um, all right, let's see here. This one is a little appetizer to get started. This is from Nicholas. Do you call the bake, do you call it a baking sheet or a cooking tray? Or a cookie tray?

• 35:09H. Foley?

  A cookie sheet?

• 35:11H. Foley?

  What is?

• 35:11Speaker 01

  We would say a baking sheet or cookie tray.

• 35:14H. Foley?

  We would call it a cookie sheet.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  Cookie sheet.

• 35:16H. Foley?

  Patty calls it a cookie sheet. Get a cookie sheet.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  We would say cookie tray, I think. Or maybe sheet. Definitely not bake. I think now with my wife...

• 35:26Speaker 01

  It's baking, cuz I don't think she would know it as a cookie sheet.

• 35:28H. Foley?

  It'd be pan anyway, cooking pan, cookie sheet. Yeah, we call it cookie sheet.

• 35:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:33H. Foley?

  Patty calls it a cookie sheet.

• 35:34Speaker 01

  But he did say he's like, it's never on the back of like a pizza, does it say?

• 35:38H. Foley?

  Put on a cookie.

• 35:39Speaker 01

  Put on a cookie sheet. Which is a good point. Cookie, cookie, what, cookie whatever is.

• 35:46H. Foley?

  Trash.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  Is trash.

• 35:47H. Foley?

  Very great, very good question. What is it really called?

• 35:50Speaker 01

  A baking sheet.

• 35:51H. Foley?

  A baking sheet?

• 35:54H. Foley?

  Is it?

• 35:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I, yeah, it says on a, you know, on a baking, on a, so you know, a large baking sheet or butter, you know, spray a little Pam on a baking sheet.

• 36:04H. Foley?

  Pam's not good.

• 36:05Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 36:06H. Foley?

  What is it, Luke?

• 36:08Speaker 02

  Baking sheet or sheet pan?

• 36:10H. Foley?

  Sheet pan, alright, sheet pan sounds familiar.

• 36:12Speaker 01

  Ah, that sounds like sheet crab soup. I don't like that.

• 36:14H. Foley?

  Cookie sheet.

• 36:15Speaker 01

  Get a cookie sheet!

• 36:16Speaker 02

  Go get a sheet pan!

• 36:18H. Foley?

  No.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  Sounds like, ah, hillbilly shit.

• 36:20H. Foley?

  Yeah, no. I was trying to think of what it would sound like my mom saying it yelling.

• 36:24Speaker 01

  Get a cookie sheet!

• 36:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:26H. Foley?

  So that's it. Cookie sheet.

• 36:29Speaker 02

  Cookie sheet is a real type of baking sheet.

• 36:31Speaker 01

  Why?

• 36:32Speaker 02

  Because it, that's the one with the raised edges in the middle.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  What?

• 36:36H. Foley?

  Raised edges in the middle?

• 36:37Speaker 02

  You know when some, some of them have like the ridges on the sheet?

• 36:40H. Foley?

  Like the bumps?

• 36:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, and so that's so food slides off easier.

• 36:45H. Foley?

  I never had no cookie that was fucking, had bumps on the bottom.

• 36:48Speaker 02

  No, but, like, like there's little ridges like throughout the pan, so that it, the cookie won't stick to the sheet when it's baking.

• 36:57Speaker 01

  I think you're wrong, dude. Cookie sheet with...

• 37:00H. Foley?

  The raised edges? You mean like, like bumps?

• 37:05Speaker 01

  Cookie sheet with bumps.

• 37:08H. Foley?

  I ain't never seen that. Let me see.

• 37:10Speaker 01

  That, I don't, I never seen that.

• 37:11H. Foley?

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 37:13Speaker 01

  That says it's Nordic.

• 37:14H. Foley?

  Yeah, I never had lumps on the bottom of my cookies. Yeah.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  You know what, that dude, baking sheets are something that I don't know why, I have one that I've probably used like four times and then it's just been stained with like, it's, you can't get it off. You scrub it. I don't know what it is, it's just on there.

• 37:32H. Foley?

  Crazy. I don't know what it is either.

• 37:34Speaker 01

  It's like sap that just stays and then gets baked in.

• 37:38H. Foley?

  My mom's got one that she's probably had for 50 years. Things brutal. Couldn't even tell what real color it is. Wild. Just looks like brain splattered all over it.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  That made me think my mom, my mom moved recently. We moved out of the house I grew up in and she moved to her new house and I went over and it was just like, dude, some of the handheld kitchen appliances that she brought over that have to be forty, that are older than me. And I'm like, this? You brought, this made the trip? You know what I mean? Yeah, well, you know, they were expensive. You bought it in 1979.

• 38:11H. Foley?

  Some of that stuff, they, they have sentimental value.

• 38:14Speaker 01

  I know, but not, these are like certain things where you're just like, you have another one of these as well. You know, I get this. I mean, listen, you don't have sentimental value with salad tongs, okay?

• 38:24H. Foley?

  I push back on that. Maybe not salad tongs, but I definitely, and I know I'm fucked up. There's definitely more things in the kitchen that I would have sentimental, sentimental value to than not, than anywhere else in the house. Like they have these.

• 38:41Speaker 01

  These jokes write themselves, gang. I mean, what am I doing?

• 38:45H. Foley?

  We have these three bowls. They're three silver bowls.

• 38:49Speaker 01

  I would, I understand that. I'm saying that stuff's a little different than utensils that sit in a drawer that you may or may not use once every six years.

• 38:56H. Foley?

  We got a Ginsu knife that fucking, we've had for probably.

• 38:58Speaker 01

  We're clearly not going to meet in the middle of this for comedy purposes. What the fuck, dude?

• 39:04Speaker 01

  I understand your point of view. I was making a comedic aside to keep on moving and build on, but I understand there are, there's also.

• 39:12H. Foley?

  If you don't want the salad tongs, I'll take them.

• 39:14Speaker 01

  Sure, no. I have a huge connection to them. Um, this one is from Go Ahead Dickhead. Plunger on the floor next to the toilet, question mark.

• 39:25Speaker 01

  Standard staple, trash. I don't think we...

• 39:32Speaker 01

  I think ours was in the garage.

• 39:34H. Foley?

  The garage?

• 39:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:36H. Foley?

  It wasn't on the same floor as the toilet?

• 39:38Speaker 01

  I think we have a toilet on the first floor.

• 39:40H. Foley?

  Yeah, but that's not the one that gets used heavy bike. The one that gets used heavy bike is the one upstairs in the shower. That's the one that's gonna need plunging after Igor goes in there, deuces it up.

• 39:52Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, I don't think we weren't clogging toilets that much as a family. I don't know what you and the fucking linebackers.

• 40:00H. Foley?

  And also, we have a thing in our front yard. I guess it's like the gas escape from the line.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  The vent.

• 40:08H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's the toilet, toilet and poop is, is, has come up in that.

• 40:13H. Foley?

  Not that long ago, maybe like five years ago, I think I used paper towel or something like that. And it fucked something up and yeah, that got, that got jammed up.

• 40:22Speaker 01

  Man, you're right. You're like, you're like mayhem from the Allstate commercials. You stink dude. Um, yeah, that's, I mean, like.

• 40:32H. Foley?

  Tough look with the neighbors.

• 40:33Speaker 01

  We were, yeah, I mean, I think it lived in the garage. And I don't ever remember using it like heavy like that.

• 40:42H. Foley?

  Did you have a plunger that, that could prolapse?

• 40:46H. Foley?

  You know what I'm talking about?

• 40:46Speaker 01

  I remember we had a real cheap, we had a, yeah, we had a, those were, that was like new technology that came out in the nineties, I feel.

• 40:52H. Foley?

  I always thought ours was weird.

• 40:55Speaker 01

  That, cause it had that?

• 40:56H. Foley?

  You could push it, you could push it back in. You have to wash your hands afterwards.

• 40:59Speaker 01

  Uh huh. I mean, we, yeah, we had, we had a red one, the standard red one, like the red circle. And then we had a black one that had like a butthole to it, but that was out more. I think it didn't really go in.

• 41:11H. Foley?

  I think it was supposed to.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  I remember, I remember ours being hard.

• 41:16H. Foley?

  It was.

• 41:16Speaker 01

  I don't know. But, uh, yeah, I feel a toilet, now that I know a little better, I'm a little more refined. A toilet, a plunger next to a toilet is a, it's just fuck.

• 41:28H. Foley?

  What about the scrubby? We never had that. We never had a toilet brush.

• 41:34Speaker 01

  No, and then.

• 41:36H. Foley?

  That was, that was fancy to me.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, I didn't know you were suppo, it's supposed, and maybe I'm wrong, but you're supposed to clean up after, if you leave some skid marks.

• 41:46H. Foley?

  That's what that's for?

• 41:48Speaker 01

  I got a spray. That's what my wife says.

• 41:50H. Foley?

  Yeah, but.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  No, I think you just, you just give it a little dab.

• 41:53H. Foley?

  What are we, the Romans? Like scrubbing ours, cleaning our ass with a fucking.

• 41:56Speaker 01

  Like you don't clean your ass with it.

• 41:58H. Foley?

  Pungent vinegar? That's what they used back then. Or dipped in honey or some, something freaky.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  But it's more European because they got the low flow. They have the, they have the different, the toilets are different.

• 42:08H. Foley?

  You can't just scrub the doo doo off, off the toilet without a little 409 or something.

• 42:13Speaker 01

  You catch it fresh.

• 42:14H. Foley?

  You gotta fresh it out.

• 42:16Speaker 02

  Give it a flush.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  I mean, I think you're, I think you're better off take, cleaning it rather than leaving it if you don't have 409. You know what I mean? You're better off getting what you can off. I was always just like, you flush it, you flush it again. If that don't work, you pee it off the next time. You know what I mean? You hit it with the blaster.

• 42:32H. Foley?

  You leave it there so the other ones know. There's a wolf in the house.

• 42:36Speaker 01

  But I also, this is the first time I'm living with anybody that would really

• 42:41Speaker 01

  break my balls about it.

• 42:42H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 42:43Speaker 01

  You know? I was sharing a bathroom with Danny before.

• 42:49H. Foley?

  Like they were dragging a demon back to hell.

• 42:51Speaker 01

  You love poop talk. You use the same three jokes every time.

• 43:00Speaker 01

  You like potty humor.

• 43:01H. Foley?

  No, I don't.

• 43:02Speaker 01

  You do. It's okay.

• 43:04H. Foley?

  No, I don't. You brought it up. Kim, what's up about Chime?

• 43:09Speaker 01

  Chime!

• 43:10H. Foley?

  As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.

• 43:12Speaker 01

  You ain't lying, big man.

• 43:13H. Foley?

  Things start adding up.

• 43:14Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 43:15H. Foley?

  You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking, make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right, watch out for bank fees, all that kinda stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish, I could go back and say, hey, I wish I had Chime.

• 43:29Speaker 01

  I know. Listen, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is. Then you got these big corporate banks coming after ya.

• 43:42H. Foley?

  Overdraft fees.

• 43:43Speaker 01

  Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, uh, uh, five dollars for this, ten dollars for that, they got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to $200 fee-free. Look at that. I know, I need that, dog. Uh, right now, you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage, that's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now, it only takes a few minutes.

• 44:25Speaker 03

  Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime Card provided by Chime's Bank Partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  Um, alright, let's see here. Uh, this is from TJ, $10 homie, shout out to ya. "I grew up in a row home in North Philly, but have moved to the burbs. And my garbage for drinking beer while ripping heaters on my roof. Also, it's a rancher, so I can't climb out the window. I need to break out the ladder." That's...

• 44:58Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 45:00Speaker 01

  I got... Listen, I have access to my roof in the burbs and all I want to do is go out on it.

• 45:07H. Foley?

  How do you have access?

• 45:08Speaker 01

  What do you mean? Outside one of the... I believe they're called dormers? No, not a dormer. Whatever, I can get out...

• 45:16H. Foley?

  Just in the attic?

• 45:17Speaker 01

  No.

• 45:18H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 45:19Speaker 01

  The bedrooms. I have like two small roofs and then the big roof.

• 45:23H. Foley?

  Oh, I gotcha.

• 45:24Speaker 01

  So like in the second, the second floor, I can get out one window from each room onto like the... The garage roof, essentially.

• 45:33H. Foley?

  Yeah, here's my thing with it. Yes, it's trash, for sure. But...

• 45:38Speaker 01

  It's cool as shit.

• 45:39H. Foley?

  I gotta tell ya, you get up on that roof and you look out over your neighborhood, talk about a different perspective.

• 45:47Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:48H. Foley?

  It's like you can see over everything. The sun's going down, you're ripping a heater, you got a beer. Maybe your dog's out there with ya. It's pretty fucking sick.

• 45:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:58H. Foley?

  I always want, I'm sorry, I always thought it'd be cool to have like a lookout.

• 46:04Speaker 01

  Like a crow's nest?

• 46:05H. Foley?

  Yeah. Like, you know, up in a tree or something like that. To look out over the neighborhood.

• 46:11Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:12H. Foley?

  Pretty cool.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  You gotta get up there, though.

• 46:14H. Foley?

  Ah, sick. Imagine that, watching a thunderstorm come in? Come down when it starts raining.

• 46:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:22H. Foley?

  I think they call them that. Don't they call it's like lightning?

• 46:25Speaker 02

  I, I, the McMansions, they always have like that little like crow's nest almost up top where they have like a light. Sometimes and you can't get up there. You can just see it and I always get so mad that you can't like get up there and get a good advantage. I don't know what that, I don't know what you're talking about.

• 46:39H. Foley?

  The light?

• 46:40Speaker 02

  There's like, it's like in a lot of McMansions, they'll have like a little like a, up on the ceiling of like a big two-story living room. They'll have like a little like post, like a little like mini house.

• 46:51H. Foley?

  Oh, he had that. He had that at his house. You had that fucking, uh, there was like a little spot.

• 46:58Speaker 01

  Oh, the, the, like a bay window kind of up front.

• 47:01H. Foley?

  No.

• 47:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Up there.

• 47:03H. Foley?

  But it had a railing.

• 47:04Speaker 01

  It has the window. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you can't get there.

• 47:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:08Speaker 02

  Always bothers the shit out of me.

• 47:09H. Foley?

  Didn't you, I thought you guys got up there.

• 47:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, Danny would climb up there.

• 47:12H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 47:12Speaker 01

  We'd pull a chair from the living room and he would climb up. I've only been up there once or twice.

• 47:16H. Foley?

  Fat ass.

• 47:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was too fat to get up there. Too fat and too, too fat and too little at the same time.

• 47:21H. Foley?

  Too scared.

• 47:22Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:23H. Foley?

  That's sick up there. Get your, get your guys up there?

• 47:26Speaker 01

  Sure. He would do it when my, you know. He would throw stuff up there, then he would get up there. But our neighbors connected. Our neighbors, you could walk out there.

• 47:36H. Foley?

  Oh, really?

• 47:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:38H. Foley?

  That's pretty sick. I thought you meant outside.

• 47:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I thought you meant like up in the.

• 47:40H. Foley?

  What the fuck are you talking about?

• 47:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:43H. Foley?

  The place with a lighthouse on top?

• 47:44Speaker 01

  So this is, this is, this is very, a very trash conversation I'm having in real life at the moment. Um.

• 47:51H. Foley?

  You want to go out on the roof?

• 47:53Speaker 01

  Well, I do, but every time I think about it, I, uh, think I'm gonna fall. I picture myself falling and I go, I'm gonna fall and I'm gonna go, you fucking idiot, I knew you were gonna fall. And I, I feel that pain, huh, like right away, you know what I mean? Yeah. And I go like, I just know I'm gonna be rolling around going, you fucking idiot.

• 48:13H. Foley?

  Like when Daniel Day-Lewis falls in the beginning of.

• 48:14Speaker 01

  Uh huh. Yeah, that's, I'm gonna have that.

• 48:18H. Foley?

  Oh, that hurts. I've done that before on a rock up at Lake George. We were like climbing a little hill and I, I like spun out and I fell back and there was a rock sticking out like that and it caught me like right mid back.

• 48:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:34H. Foley?

  And there was like two seconds where I thought like my back was broken. I was fucked up.

• 48:37Speaker 01

  Hate that.

• 48:38H. Foley?

  Oh, man.

• 48:39Speaker 01

  When I fell down those stairs, I was just like, I gotta stop putting myself in those positions to get hurt like that. I really do. And you know, my fat ass, my fat dumb ass on a roof.

• 48:49H. Foley?

  But your second floor, you'd be alright. You're not gonna get hurt. And it's only really one floor.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  It sounds like I'm jumping. I'd still fall and land on my back. Also, I don't, I don't wanna fall off a roof. Yeah, shit to do. Um. Me and my kid looking at me, dog licking me and shit. It's gonna take a lot of trips to Serene Blue to fix that. A lot of hot stone massage.

• 49:17Speaker 01

  Um. So, we were talking, um, we had to get some tree work done in the burbs.

• 49:24H. Foley?

  What's that mean?

• 49:27H. Foley?

  Plant trees or get trimmed up?

• 49:28Speaker 01

  Trimmed up.

• 49:29H. Foley?

  What, what's going on?

• 49:30Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 49:31H. Foley?

  Neighbors bitching?

• 49:32Speaker 01

  No, I just, we have a tree that's like well over a hundred years old.

• 49:35H. Foley?

  Cut it down?

• 49:35Speaker 01

  No.

• 49:36H. Foley?

  To call Ashplunder?

• 49:37Speaker 01

  What?

• 49:37H. Foley?

  Ashplunder?

• 49:38Speaker 01

  Ashblund?

• 49:39H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 49:39Speaker 01

  Uh, no.

• 49:41H. Foley?

  That's the first thing that little dirtbags find out when they're kids, how big that company is. Yeah. Hey, hey, man, I'm a...

• 49:47Speaker 01

  I, I, we drive by, tell them, Dean, like, you see them trucks? Seven, eight, two countries.

• 49:52H. Foley?

  Yeah, seven, two countries, yeah, them in Dubai.

• 49:55Speaker 01

  There's probably one guy in Dubai with a fucking, you know, with some shears to trim in a bonsai tree. Um.

• 50:03Speaker 01

  No, so, whatever, then that came, but she's like, Nadine was like, you know, I, I wanna keep, whatever. There's these huge branches that we just, there was a bad storm like a couple of weeks ago, and bigger branches were falling into the yard where we're like, we gotta fucking, it's been on the list of things to do, we gotta do. Anywho, we were talking about, um, having a tree fort for Lil Kipperino.

• 50:26H. Foley?

  Nice. In that tree.

• 50:28Speaker 01

  What?

• 50:28H. Foley?

  In that tree.

• 50:29Speaker 01

  Any tree, there's a couple of trees.

• 50:30H. Foley?

  Don't you have a civilization, a civilization of possums living underneath your fucking shed?

• 50:34Speaker 01

  Groundhogs, they're nice guys.

• 50:36H. Foley?

  They still in there?

• 50:37Speaker 01

  What? Uh, I don't know, I haven't seen them in a minute.

• 50:40H. Foley?

  You should be getting babies soon.

• 50:43H. Foley?

  You should be getting some babies soon.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 50:45H. Foley?

  Pretty cool.

• 50:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know if they're still there. I haven't seen him in a while, so I maybe he moved on to to bigger and better things.

• 50:51H. Foley?

  Moved up to the city?

• 50:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. He got his own place finally. Fucking freeloader.

• 50:56H. Foley?

  We got it.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  Um.

• 50:58H. Foley?

  Okay, so.

• 50:59Speaker 01

  So it was a treehouse.

• 51:01H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 51:01Speaker 01

  Right? You want a suburban kid, you want to have a treehouse?

• 51:04H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  But then.

• 51:07Speaker 01

  She was like, oh, look at this. And it was like, this company that will come build a treehouse. And I'm like, that's sick. But then I was like, the cool dirtbag thing is to build your own, like, make your own fort, like, oh, I got a piece of wood here, I can take this. I can, I'm like, when parents got involved with the stuff, you know, we were, we built forts all the time.

• 51:30Speaker 01

  When the, the fun of it is doing it with the limited resources and like making do with what it is rather than.

• 51:36H. Foley?

  Some weird elbow piece that doesn't go anywhere?

• 51:39Speaker 01

  Uh huh. Like, oh, I can get a piece of carpet from this or something. Like, we were, you know, just making it work with the stuff you could find, like carrying a piece of wood that you found somewhere to do something.

• 51:48H. Foley?

  My dad built this one in the mountaintop. It was pretty sick.

• 51:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, but, yeah, but then I'd see your dad build it.

• 51:53H. Foley?

  With us, you know, I mean, we were little, but, yeah, we were up there doing all that stuff. It was awesome.

• 51:57Speaker 01

  I was like, doing it yourself is the cooler thing versus, but then I'm like, I don't know. But then, as a kid who had the pretty, had the really shitty version of the fucking treehouse, I was nine doing fucking structural work. No one ever helped me.

• 52:12H. Foley?

  No permit.

• 52:13Speaker 01

  I just would just do it. But that was the fun of it. Like, me and my friends would go do it with the, the fact that there was no parental oversight. But the, you know, they ended up sucking or whatever, or you know, you figure it out. But I would look at the kid, you know, you'd look at one just seeing a movie and you're like, that would be so sick to have. Where is the imagination? Is it in the building? Or is it once you have something really cool, you can then fucking do really cool shit with it?

• 52:38H. Foley?

  And how, well, how much is this fucking company? Probably expensive as shit with that red wood? Or whatever it is that they do? Like those, like those rich kid swing sets that have the, the yellow and red and blue top. I'm sure you had one. Yeah.

• 52:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:53H. Foley?

  That's probably that shit. You get some dickhead coming and doing, yeah, do it yourself. We'll do it ourselves. I'll come down and help you.

• 52:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what I want.

• 52:59H. Foley?

  It'd be fun.

• 53:02H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 53:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, listen, you have to, you have to, you have to understand, I'm not letting you build anything above ground that my son's gonna climb in.

• 53:09H. Foley?

  Well, I was gonna bring some Playboys, but fine, fuck you guys.

• 53:11Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, that's cool. Give a five-year-old.

• 53:14H. Foley?

  No, wait till he's like thirteen, fourteen.

• 53:19Speaker 01

  You think he's gonna need Playboys in fourteen years?

• 53:22H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 53:23Speaker 01

  He's gonna just go, "It's, they're gonna come."

• 53:26H. Foley?

  Maybe he's into the old shit, I don't know.

• 53:28Speaker 01

  Throwback Thursday. Play analog, baby. What I'm curious to, I'm curious to, I don't know, I was just like, do I give him the, give him the life I had, or do I give him the cool life I didn't have?

• 53:42H. Foley?

  Hmm. You know what John Adams said?

• 53:49H. Foley?

  "Do you know or not?" What the fuck was that? Sit there and stare at me, obviously you don't.

• 53:55Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 53:55H. Foley?

  Illiterate moron as you are.

• 53:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:58H. Foley?

  John Adams said, "I study war and..."

• 53:59Speaker 01

  Have another sizzly, please. Yeah?

• 54:02H. Foley?

  I was saying, I was, John Adams said, "I study war and politics so my children can study poetry and music."

• 54:09H. Foley?

  Does that make sense?

• 54:10Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 54:12H. Foley?

  That's what wooden teeth, but...

• 54:13Speaker 01

  What the fuck's that kinda? It's also dripping with chlamydia.

• 54:21H. Foley?

  Hey, where are we, they all at it back there, fucking freaks?

• 54:24Speaker 01

  That's where Merkins came from.

• 54:26H. Foley?

  Merkin, yeah, yeah, that's right.

• 54:28Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm, you know why they're called Merkin?

• 54:29H. Foley?

  Huh?

• 54:30Speaker 01

  What? Apparently not.

• 54:32H. Foley?

  Merkin my dick, Merkin my dick looks small.

• 54:38Speaker 01

  Jammerkin me crazy.

• 54:42H. Foley?

  Yeah, why they call it a Merkin? Who told you this, the broaded fucking sky blue jack shack, whatever you were doing? One of the guys in the waiting room over there?

• 54:49Speaker 01

  A robot in the waiting room, we're all just waiting for the same, bro.

• 54:55Speaker 01

  I got one of those tiny little beers.

• 54:57H. Foley?

  Oh, those tiny little beers are alright.

• 54:59Speaker 01

  MTLBs. Um...

• 55:01H. Foley?

  I was in a compromising position years ago.

• 55:04Speaker 01

  And a couple weeks ago, from what I understand.

• 55:06H. Foley?

  No.

• 55:07Speaker 01

  Um...

• 55:10Speaker 01

  Merkin, you can fact check me on this, but it's because to cure it, they would give you a shot of mercury to make all your pubes fall out. So they'd give you a fake, they'd give you a fake toupee for your pubes so people, these broads didn't know you were tainted goods.

• 55:24H. Foley?

  You'd have been ahead of your time though if you were smooth.

• 55:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, but no, but you were only smooth if you, you got, if you had to drip.

• 55:32H. Foley?

  How do you know you didn't shave it up? That was the treatment mercury.

• 55:34Speaker 01

  Shaving it up back then. There was no Mach 3 guy.

• 55:41Speaker 01

  What do you, you'd have to, what do you got? Is that true?

• 55:44Speaker 02

  I got two, yeah. So they would use mercury based treatments for syphilis and that would make all your hair go. But then there's also, they would call whores or loose women back in the day Malkins. And so you'd use a Merkin, kinda like, I guess.

• 56:01H. Foley?

  A Merkin and a Malkin.

• 56:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:03H. Foley?

  Like the Capulets and the Montagues, huh? Nothing? Wait a minute. Did mercury work?

• 56:09Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, that was one of the.

• 56:11H. Foley?

  What? That worked?

• 56:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, for syphilis.

• 56:15H. Foley?

  Damn. A shot of mercury?

• 56:20Speaker 01

  What are you looking at me for? Like, I'm fucking, I'm a psychiatrist over here.

• 56:25H. Foley?

  Man, would you have to put it in a vein? That's like fucking.

• 56:28Speaker 01

  No, they did like a shot of it, like a pickleback.

• 56:30H. Foley?

  Oh, really?

• 56:31Speaker 01

  No, I don't know. That would probably burn your fucking, ruin your taste buds.

• 56:36H. Foley?

  For doing shooters.

• 56:38Speaker 02

  What? And the women would use the Merkins.

• 56:41H. Foley?

  Oh, okay.

• 56:42Speaker 01

  Good, cause I like a nice bush.

• 56:44H. Foley?

  That's crazy. That's what I'm talking about. What? That's crazy. Let that ride.

• 56:51H. Foley?

  Is that, how did that not catch on back then?

• 56:55H. Foley?

  That to that, you're like, what the fuck? See what the hell you're doing?

• 57:00Speaker 01

  Back to the Patreon questions. Uh, this one's from Bugman. $14.50, north of the border, homie.

• 57:08H. Foley?

  Thank you, sir.

• 57:09Speaker 01

  Um, are you garbage? You be faking injury at work, hoping to get sent home early, but it doesn't work, so you have to spend the rest of the shift faking an injury that you don't have?

• 57:16H. Foley?

  Been there, done that, sucks.

• 57:19Speaker 01

  That's great, dude. That's really good. I remember doing it with pink eye a couple of times. You like rub your eye real bad, and then it would like, I got pink eye.

• 57:29H. Foley?

  That's really good.

• 57:30Speaker 01

  If you're working with food, they fucking...

• 57:32H. Foley?

  Fuck.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, but then she was like, alright, Dottie, I'll never forget. She goes, alright, well, you're on cart duty then. I just fucking banished me to the parking lot, freezing my dick off.

• 57:41H. Foley?

  Bitch.

• 57:42Speaker 01

  Yeah. We were shorthanded.

• 57:44H. Foley?

  I would've came back with both. I got in both now. I would've got...

• 57:47Speaker 01

  Came back with no pubes. I got syphilis.

• 57:50H. Foley?

  You got a merkin on your...

• 57:53H. Foley?

  Man. I would've fucking got, had somebody else do it.

• 57:59Speaker 01

  Do what?

• 57:59H. Foley?

  Be like, hey, I'd wait like two hours. Then I'd go to Luke and be like, hey, man, you wanna get the fuck out of here? Rub your eye.

• 58:07Speaker 01

  So it looks like we both have pink eye.

• 58:08H. Foley?

  No, like I just gave it to Luke.

• 58:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

• 58:11H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 58:12Speaker 01

  I mean, you're not lying to me.

• 58:15H. Foley?

  Of course, you have to feel the questions of why were you eating Luke's ass, but...

• 58:18Speaker 01

  No, but isn't it highly contagious? That was always the thing, right?

• 58:21H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 58:23Speaker 01

  Uh...

• 58:24H. Foley?

  Which is why you shouldn't put pillows between your legs, but I do. Sometimes naked.

• 58:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I don't think, I, I, a scientist once told me that you can't give yourself pink eye.

• 58:35H. Foley?

  Who the fuck do you know that's a scientist?

• 58:37Speaker 01

  He was a former comedian in Philadelphia, and my roommate, or your roommate at one point. Someone's roommate.

• 58:47Speaker 01

  You can, in fact, give yourself pink eye.

• 58:50Speaker 01

  The more you know. Well, I don't wanna spread misinformation out there.

• 58:55H. Foley?

  I can't believe I haven't given myself it every day.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, you are a poopy kinda guy.

• 59:01H. Foley?

  Gross.

• 59:03Speaker 01

  I don't think it's every time though, is it? It's probably like a certain bacteria in it. Yeah. Where that, you know. I'm surprised you don't spread it. You like touching.

• 59:12H. Foley?

  I touch a lot of stuff.

• 59:13Speaker 01

  I should be one huge pink eye.

• 59:16H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 59:16Speaker 01

  With as much time as I spend.

• 59:19Speaker 01

  This is the Bug Man Brigade, fifty dollar.

• 59:21H. Foley?

  Talk to me.

• 59:21Speaker 01

  Fifty dollar liar here, respect it. Never had one read. Is it garbage? To judge how fancy a restaurant is based on the type of carryout container they give you? If it goes styrofoam, tin container with the plastic lid, then cardboard.

• 59:36H. Foley?

  Okay, hold on.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  So it says styrofoam?

• 59:39H. Foley?

  Styrofoam being the trashiest?

• 59:40Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 59:41H. Foley?

  Disagree. Trashiest is the silver thing that you have to be the takeout guy and squeeze down. You're crazy.

• 59:49Speaker 01

  I gotta, I think styrofoam is the trashiest thing. Any sort of food container, and I think that's been documented since the ninety.

• 59:58H. Foley?

  No, you're wrong. And I'll tell you why.

• 1:00:00Speaker 01

  Why am I wrong?

• 1:00:01H. Foley?

  I don't know who it was, if it was big plastic, or whoever got a hold of styrofoam, but they got locked in the crosshairs and got fucked. Okay?

• 1:00:09Speaker 01

  Environmentalist did it.

• 1:00:10H. Foley?

  Whatever. It's all bad. Styrofoam's the fucking enemy? Go to fucking Sonic, go to Chick-fil-A, get one of those styrofoam cups. That's clean living when you get a soda in one of those. The styrofoam to go container with the, with the three compartments is alright. The shitty thin silver one where you put that top and you have to, you know, squeeze it around? That's trash. I know that because I did a lot of takeout. You done a lot of takeout too.

• 1:00:39Speaker 01

  I remember doing those so much, my fingers would.

• 1:00:42H. Foley?

  Exactly. You ever see a guy that does it all the time?

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

  Uh, I would argue that it probably.

• 1:00:49H. Foley?

  And then the classiest is the plastic with the, with the, the black with the, with the, with the clear lid.

• 1:00:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, but he's saying cardboard. Cool.

• 1:00:58H. Foley?

  Yeah, I know the cardboard you're talking about. That's very, that's fancy.

• 1:01:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, that would, well, that is the fanciest.

• 1:01:06H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:07Speaker 01

  I think the black with the silver or black with the clear lid.

• 1:01:11H. Foley?

  Second.

• 1:01:12Speaker 01

  That, to me, that's the classiest thing I've ever, that's tougher.

• 1:01:15H. Foley?

  Well, here's a, yeah, I was gonna say, you can't take the cardboard home and reuse it. I had a fucking bowl of cereal out of fucking one of those things not that long ago.

• 1:01:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, wouldn't claim that's classy.

• 1:01:25H. Foley?

  I'm not saying it's classy, but it's, it's reusable.

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, but the cardboard, I think is, I think that cardboard is better for the environment if I had to guess. Not that this is what we're judging it on.

• 1:01:35H. Foley?

  Thank you.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  But I would go, that's probably why.

• 1:01:37H. Foley?

  I'd call you a bitch.

• 1:01:38Speaker 01

  Fucking green thumb over here.

• 1:01:40H. Foley?

  I think that tin foil duck is probably the classiest.

• 1:01:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, that ain't hap- that happened twice in 88.

• 1:01:47H. Foley?

  It's something you get, you gotta think of, you only when you get lobster thermador or something like that, which I don't even know what that is.

• 1:01:52Speaker 01

  Lobster. Mercador. Um.

• 1:01:57H. Foley?

  You say Perkador?

• 1:01:58Speaker 01

  Mercador. Um.

• 1:02:00H. Foley?

  Lobster or Perkazet?

• 1:02:03Speaker 01

  Well, what are we basing this on? What is the criteria?

• 1:02:07H. Foley?

  What, what's classiest?

• 1:02:09Speaker 01

  Styrofoam has to be the trashiest. I'm so, I'm with you on like, but it just is. I mean, it probably leaks into the fucking, the chemicals leak into the food somehow.

• 1:02:20H. Foley?

  Get out of here. That all, it's all leaking. Stop with this.

• 1:02:24Speaker 01

  I don't think the metal is.

• 1:02:27H. Foley?

  That's true.

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  It probably retains the heat better. You seen that fucking, you, sometimes you put something hot in styrofoam, it fucking ball bubbles up and shit.

• 1:02:35H. Foley?

  Oh, you put wings in there? Ooh.

• 1:02:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're fucked. You're eating that shit. I mean, I'm not against it, but I'm just saying, I don't want my thing melting.

• 1:02:44H. Foley?

  I've definitely done that. I've definitely eaten some styrofoam.

• 1:02:47Speaker 01

  Dude, I remember, I, I would go to Wings2Go up in Village Shire. It's a place I later than worked. Um.

• 1:02:53H. Foley?

  Oh, really?

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:54H. Foley?

  Oh, man, that's a tough look. How long were you a customer there before you got the job?

• 1:02:59Speaker 01

  Years. Yeah, you didn't know that. Years, dude.

• 1:03:05H. Foley?

  No way. Did you know the dude that worked there?

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:10Speaker 01

  You didn't know.

• 1:03:11H. Foley?

  You liked those wings so much.

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  I didn't. I wasn't gonna, I know, I loved, that is my first introduction to popcorn chicken. Good.

• 1:03:22H. Foley?

  You guys hiring?

• 1:03:26H. Foley?

  Wait, how long did you go there?

• 1:03:28Speaker 01

  So good, you'll answer an application.

• 1:03:31H. Foley?

  That's pretty good.

• 1:03:33Speaker 01

  Chicken's so good.

• 1:03:35H. Foley?

  Chicken's so good, you'll wanna work here.

• 1:03:40H. Foley?

  That's great.

• 1:03:45H. Foley?

  Wait, how long did you go there from when to when? When did you work at a Wings to Go?

• 1:03:54H. Foley?

  What?

• 1:03:56Speaker 01

  I told you the guy asked me if I had jock itch.

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  I was pulling all my, I was pulling all my sack.

• 1:04:09H. Foley?

  And my merkin's itching.

• 1:04:11Speaker 01

  You had to readjust my merkin guy.

• 1:04:14H. Foley?

  Falls out of your shorts.

• 1:04:15Speaker 01

  She knows what I'm talking about.

• 1:04:17H. Foley?

  Fucking Mary Mercury over here.

• 1:04:24Speaker 01

  Wearing basketball shorts. I was wearing N1 basketball shorts. And a Wings to Go shirt already stained in sauce.

• 1:04:33Speaker 01

  I was killing it. But, uh...

• 1:04:37H. Foley?

  Goddamn shirt keeps coming up.

• 1:04:41Speaker 01

  I, uh... They would serve you, they would deep fry the chicken, the popcorn chicken, and let it dry and dump it right on the plate, styrofoam plate.

• 1:04:52H. Foley?

  Yeah, fuck it.

• 1:04:53Speaker 01

  And we would eat it there and it would bubble up.

• 1:04:55H. Foley?

  Yeah, they would fucking burn it.

• 1:04:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:56H. Foley?

  That shit was in ya.

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:58H. Foley?

  That's good.

• 1:05:00H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 1:05:00Speaker 01

  That's what happened to my pubes.

• 1:05:02H. Foley?

  I guess you're right. Yeah, the cardboard's the classy, it's the one that kinda looks like Chinese food containers.

• 1:05:06Speaker 01

  I don't think I've ever had that, if I'm being honest with you. I've only ever seen it at Whole Foods at the hot bar when I go there.

• 1:05:11H. Foley?

  Um...

• 1:05:11Speaker 01

  But that's got like a wax covering, which is also very nice.

• 1:05:13H. Foley?

  I believe Dialogue Cafe does it out in LA where we get, where you guys get your burritos.

• 1:05:19Speaker 01

  Ah, maybe. Gotcha.

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  Fair enough.

• 1:05:25H. Foley?

  Something.

• 1:05:27Speaker 01

  Hmm. Alright, let's see here. We got a... This one's just crazy. This is from all the toast, 10 of our pithead. Is it garbage to use the orange Home Depot buckets as your bathroom trash can?

• 1:05:40Speaker 01

  I'd give it to you like if you have like a basement one that's like, it can't be a finished bathroom. You know what I mean? If you got one in the garage, something more shoppy, I totally get that. I think if you're like...

• 1:05:54H. Foley?

  I kinda like it.

• 1:05:55Speaker 01

  I don't disagree.

• 1:05:56H. Foley?

  Ironically, I like it.

• 1:05:56Speaker 01

  It's got the handle, easy to dump.

• 1:05:58H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:58Speaker 01

  I'm totally for it, but I think it's not trashy if it's in a place like that. It's trashy if it's in your fucking bathroom.

• 1:06:06H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 1:06:07Speaker 01

  Useful? Sure.

• 1:06:08H. Foley?

  I always love those things.

• 1:06:09Speaker 01

  Am I on board? Yes.

• 1:06:10H. Foley?

  Yeah, I always loved those things. A clean bucket like that?

• 1:06:14Speaker 01

  Sure. One of my favorites is like in any shop, like just like a big 55 gallon plastic drum or whatever that you just like, everything goes in there.

• 1:06:22H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 1:06:23Speaker 01

  I don't know who empties it or where it goes, but you just like in cans, boxes, anything.

• 1:06:28H. Foley?

  I used to always, I used to always like sitting on them too.

• 1:06:31Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:06:32H. Foley?

  Like sitting on a big bucket like that.

• 1:06:33Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:06:33H. Foley?

  Fucking good spot.

• 1:06:35Speaker 01

  I used to work with a guy who kept all his tools in a bucket. He carried that thing around.

• 1:06:39H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  I know, but it was too...

• 1:06:41H. Foley?

  He'd put a thing in there?

• 1:06:42Speaker 01

  No, he didn't.

• 1:06:42H. Foley?

  Oh, he didn't?

• 1:06:43Speaker 01

  And it was just, I mean, he'd be like, hand me my fucking, you know, box and open and 916th frame. I'm like, how the, Pete, how the fuck am I supposed to find this? Digging or something.

• 1:06:54H. Foley?

  Like you're dumping Legos?

• 1:06:57Speaker 01

  Digging around looking for it and he just, ah, it was brutal.

• 1:07:00H. Foley?

  Jesus.

• 1:07:00Speaker 01

  He was older too, so I had to carry it, like fucking 50 pounds.

• 1:07:03H. Foley?

  Oh, man. That's brutal. I used to like it with, with the little sheet or, or the little like organizer around it.

• 1:07:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's, yeah.

• 1:07:12H. Foley?

  All the shit inside too.

• 1:07:14Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:07:14H. Foley?

  Yeah, it was good.

• 1:07:16Speaker 01

  Um, this one's great. This is from Trash Bandicoot. $10 homie never had one read. Is it garb? Just see how long you can go without touching the steering wheel when driving. Bonus points if you put your turn signal on when you start to drift into another lane.

• 1:07:28H. Foley?

  That was always my dad's test to see how the alignment was on the car. Oh yeah, oh yeah. He didn't touch the wheel.

• 1:07:34Speaker 01

  They touch it a little bit and lie. I just don't have a pothole like they like.

• 1:07:37H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:39Speaker 01

  That was always big.

• 1:07:40H. Foley?

  If you took a car out for a test drive, that's what you'd do. Man, I had a couple of cars. Fucking swinging like go in it. It's like being in a helicopter.

• 1:07:48Speaker 01

  Dude, yeah, my one loom. You had to hold it and you're in a constant state of chaos. You had to fucking.

• 1:07:55Speaker 01

  Work it real good.

• 1:07:56H. Foley?

  Great question.

• 1:07:57Speaker 01

  That's a great question.

• 1:07:58H. Foley?

  Home runs today.

• 1:07:59Speaker 01

  Uh, okay. Then this is, we got time for one more here. Um, this one's from Roy E. Munson. You's ever had a pair of headphones where they both work only if the wires are in a specific position?

• 1:08:11H. Foley?

  For sure.

• 1:08:11Speaker 01

  Ah, dude, that was big with chargers.

• 1:08:13H. Foley?

  Pinch it?

• 1:08:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was real big with chargers.

• 1:08:16H. Foley?

  Can never, then you've, then like one day you found the slit where it was. Fuck, that's where it is.

• 1:08:22Speaker 01

  The big, the headphones before Apple came out with headphones.

• 1:08:26Speaker 01

  I would always have to buy like $12 headphone, like skull candy or whatever they were. You'd buy $12 ones at Duane Reade. And

• 1:08:35Speaker 01

  they would always go at the jack. Cause you would have it in your pocket or whatever. You'd sit on it, bend it, dude, and.

• 1:08:41H. Foley?

  I'm in that cycle right now. I'm in a constant state of, I get them from the deli or I just got something from the airport. Why? I'm just gonna fuck them up. I'm gonna lose them or step on them.

• 1:08:51Speaker 01

  I know, but get the Apple ones.

• 1:08:53H. Foley?

  Nah, nah.

• 1:08:55Speaker 01

  The cool, the wired ones?

• 1:08:56H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, they're like, they're like literally $18.

• 1:09:00H. Foley?

  Where do you get them? At Apple?

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  You can get them at Apple, you can get them on Amazon. I have three pairs in here because I lose them so much or break them so much. That's good. They're just better. That's all I'm saying. I mean, it doesn't have to be Apple. They just, they just hold up more.

• 1:09:12H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 1:09:12Speaker 01

  They don't get all twisted and shit. So much better. It's a superior product and it ain't that much because they're trying to push you to the fucking AirPods. They're like $250 a clip. I've been losing them left and fucking right.

• 1:09:22H. Foley?

  It's getting in your brain.

• 1:09:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, but then something came out.

• 1:09:24H. Foley?

  That's my problem this summer. I was wearing my AirPods too much. Screwed me up.

• 1:09:30Speaker 01

  Defragged his brain. Cleaned out all the cookies. Alright, we gotta wrap it up, gang.

• 1:09:34H. Foley?

  Gang, we love you to death. Grab some merch over on areyougarbage.com. We got a sale going on with the old stuff.

• 1:09:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're clearing out some shelf space. Plus, we got all the new designs that we dropped. And then also for Pennsylvania Dirtbags, we're gonna be at Soul Joel's. Very limited tickets remaining if there still is any. Get them. Scoop them up while they're Friday, April 17th. We're doing two shows. We'll see you there, yeah.

• 1:09:57H. Foley?

  May, we'll be in Los Angeles, California for the Netflix is a Joke Festival. There's still some tickets for that show. Make sure you get it. It's a smaller theater. Come out and see us. Chicago?

• 1:10:06Speaker 01

  Chicago.

• 1:10:08H. Foley?

  Come see us. We love you. See you next week.

• 1:10:10Speaker 01

  Peace.