Gentleman's Moves! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Square: Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at https://square.com/go/garbage! Promo Code: GARBAGE Butcher Box: Go to https://ButcherBox.com/GARBAGE to get $20 off your first box, plus your choice of free ribeye, new york strip, or filet mignon in every box for a year — with free shipping always. Promo Code: GARBAGE Ultra: Don’t sleep on @ultrapouches. New customers get 15% Off with code GARBAGE at https://takeultra.com! Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Oh yeah, alright gang, I'm talking about that American Garbage special from Are You Garbage? Right here September 13th on our YouTube page.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Yes, if you don't already subscribe, please subscribe to our YouTube page. We want to blow this thing up. If you're an audio listener, take a minute, pull up YouTube, subscribe so you get notified. We're gonna be doing a live premiere of it that night. We're gonna be in the chat. Chica chica chica. Get your heaters, get your beers, the boys are throwing a gosh darn party. September 13th, American Garbage, our first comedy special.

• 0:29H. Foley?

  Do it, yeah.

• 0:31Speaker 02

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:50H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:57Speaker 01

  Hey, yeah.

• 0:58H. Foley?

  It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's good to be classy.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03H. Foley?

  Or just a big ol' piece of trash.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 1:06H. Foley?

  I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties and a new addition. She just hit a 920 on the pipe outside.

• 1:14Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 1:15H. Foley?

  Nothing on that? We're doing it again.

• 1:17Speaker 01

  No, we're not.

• 1:18H. Foley?

  You son of a bitch. What was wrong with that?

• 1:20Speaker 01

  I was right with it.

• 1:21H. Foley?

  An idiot woman skateboarding? That's pretty goddamn funny.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  Where I come from, that's comedy.

• 1:27H. Foley?

  That 920 has just been around a couple of times.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:29H. Foley?

  You couldn't do that.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  Who used to do that?

• 1:31H. Foley?

  Poser.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  Who used to do that at the slam dunks back in the day? They would dress up as the old one.

• 1:35H. Foley?

  Tony Hawk.

• 1:35Speaker 01

  No, was the, was the, was it, was it Anthony, was it Penny Hardaway?

• 1:40H. Foley?

  Penny Hardaway? Don't you talk about Penny!

• 1:42Speaker 01

  Someone, someone used to dress up as a, as a grandma and do dunks in like a Nike commercial.

• 1:47H. Foley?

  Jimmy Johnson, what was his name? He had a big sneaker line for a while.

• 1:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm saying that.

• 1:52H. Foley?

  Grandma Maz.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  Kyrie, I think, did it?

• 1:54H. Foley?

  No.

• 1:55Speaker 01

  This is, eh, come on.

• 1:57H. Foley?

  Yeah, let's go, nerd alert. Fucking fucking late 90's.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  In the meantime, can you get on with the show?

• 2:04H. Foley?

  He played for New Orleans, I think. Charlotte, maybe.

• 2:07Speaker 01

  Jimmy Johnson, the football guy.

• 2:09H. Foley?

  He was good. My co-host coming at you from across the table, it's called Family Episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies.

• 2:16Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:17H. Foley?

  He's my good pal, best pal in the whole wide world, some would say, I would say, he would say. Hey buddy. CEO of Are You Garbage. Let's run down his resume real quick. CEO of Are You Garbage.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  You're either gonna ask for, ask to borrow money or trash me at the end of this. Either way, I'm open.

• 2:34H. Foley?

  CEO of Are You Garbage, engineered the whole operation, business-wise, comedically.

• 2:42Speaker 01

  You know, you know you're really reaching whenever you say engineered or architected. You're, you're really, you are jammed the fuck up whenever you've said those two things.

• 2:51H. Foley?

  What are you talking about? I'm trying to be nice to you, give you compliments, you fucking idiot. Shut up and take it.

• 2:59H. Foley?

  He's a good dad.

• 3:02H. Foley?

  Makes hell of a scrambled egg, I'll tell you that. Kevin Ryan, ladies and gentlemen. King of the burbs, king of the boards.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  Thank you, very.

• 3:08H. Foley?

  I obviously have a dad thing to talk to you about. Do your little preamble, go ahead.

• 3:13Speaker 01

  You're such a dickhead. Oh, you mean the thing where I thank all the people for listening and watching?

• 3:20H. Foley?

  I already did that.

• 3:20Speaker 01

  No, you didn't.

• 3:21H. Foley?

  I sent them all a letter.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  Individually. My hand is cramping right now. What's up, everybody? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, full video available, uh, uh, over there on Spotify.

• 3:36H. Foley?

  Yeah, we're killing it.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  And those numbers are through the roof. What's up?

• 3:39H. Foley?

  Hello, we're back, baby.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  They're through the fucking roof.

• 3:44H. Foley?

  They really are, man. Shout out to everybody on Spotify.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  The boys are back and they're fucking cooking, baby. Shout out to you and obviously Patreon.com. Those numbers are through the fucking roof as well. You go over there, you sign up, you get up to, uh, two bonus episodes a week. Plus the whole back catalog, you get hard feelings, you get bonus AYGs. If you know, you know. I'm just gonna start saying that. If you know, you know.

• 4:04H. Foley?

  You know.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  And a lot of people know.

• 4:06H. Foley?

  Go over there and join the army of garbage, 16,000 strong.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:10H. Foley?

  Getting ready to launch a new tour. We got the new special coming out.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  The new tour is all, uh, on sale. Ah, fuck, I don't know if we can sell.

• 4:16H. Foley?

  I say it's okay. Drop the link.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  Okay, well, I don't know if that's, I don't know if, uh...

• 4:23H. Foley?

  We got the new special, September 13th.

• 4:25Speaker 01

  New special.

• 4:25H. Foley?

  American Garbage filmed down there at SideSplitters, Tampa, Florida. Five nights, great fucking shows, great special.

• 4:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:33H. Foley?

  All Are You Garbage. It's our finest work yet. We're gonna be dropping it September 13th on our YouTube page. Start rallying around, start following.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Yes, do it. I've said this before.

• 4:42H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 4:42Speaker 01

  If, if you, if you, if you view the program over there on Spotify, or if you just listen to the audio, uh, take a second. Do the boys a goddamn favor. We're fucking, we're grassroots bootstrapping this thing. We could've went to a streamer. No, we couldn't have. We didn't even try to sell it to them, cause they wouldn't return our calls. Uh, no, obviously, um, we...

• 5:03H. Foley?

  They don't have fax machines.

• 5:05Speaker 01

  Foley wrote them a letter.

• 5:06H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  Uh, we want, uh, we want, you know, we're, we're very for the people, by the people. We've, uh, the fans have supported us from day one. So we wanted to just fucking put it on. All of our stuff goes on YouTube. That, we're YouTube, we're a fricking YouTube outfit. That's what we are.

• 5:21H. Foley?

  We're a young...

• 5:22Speaker 01

  Right to the people.

• 5:23H. Foley?

  Forward-thinking outfit. It's all YouTube. You know what I mean?

• 5:26Speaker 01

  You could use a new outfit. Hey, don't, we're back.

• 5:29H. Foley?

  It's a brand new shirt.

• 5:30Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 5:30H. Foley?

  46 jeans, which by the way...

• 5:34Speaker 01

  Are really 52's.

• 5:38H. Foley?

  Have you been looking in my bags? They're 46's. I was at a joint over there, uh, in the Lower East Side, doing a little window shopping. Can't really pick up anything right now. It's just, you know, check, I wanna see what the fall fashion was gonna be.

• 5:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:53H. Foley?

  You know? I wanna be in touch with what's going on. And I'm in this store, it's like a vintage store. And they're like, being real nice, they're like, listen, nothing here's gonna fit me. And they're like, oh, we have the, we have a Genius Bar in the back. But it's spelled G-A, G-E-A-N.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  Uh huh, I got you.

• 6:10H. Foley?

  You can rent jeans or something like that. And I was back...

• 6:13Speaker 01

  Times are tough out there, huh?

• 6:14H. Foley?

  I was back there, well, they're like nice jeans. Luke knows all about it. It's young guy stuff, you don't know.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:19H. Foley?

  And I was back then, I was leaning on the bar and this lady came up and said...

• 6:22Speaker 01

  You're leaning on the Genius Bar? What, you're fucking trolling for cock?

• 6:25H. Foley?

  I was, was... Jesus, that kinda aggressive?

• 6:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:30H. Foley?

  Got to dinner first. Um, and this lady came up and said, I can't lean on the Genius Bar. It was a stone bar.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  First of all, stop saying Genius Bar.

• 6:38H. Foley?

  It wasn't...

• 6:40Speaker 01

  Please.

• 6:40H. Foley?

  It wasn't like a glass, like, like a, I don't, like a jewelry store I get when you're leaning, it's gonna shatter. I get that. It was all stone. I'm like, what the fuck? She's like, please don't lean on the bar. And then another lady came up and was like, do you wanna look at something? I was like, honey, I don't think anything's gonna fit me in here. And she's like, well, we have up to size 48. And I was like, oh, I'm a 46. And she goes, I think we have...

• 7:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 7:04H. Foley?

  She's like, I think we have one or two pairs. I said, I'm fine, thank you.

• 7:08Speaker 01

  Why not just say no thanks? Why, why, uh, talk to, why put yourself in the negative light? Hey, do you wanna see something? No thanks, I'm okay.

• 7:15H. Foley?

  Cause she knows I'm fat. They know nothing fits me in there.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 7:20H. Foley?

  What am I gonna say? Oh, no, not today. They know what's up. It's like when I go to Dairy Queen, they give me a bucket.

• 7:28Speaker 01

  You don't have that problem with Mickey D's, do you?

• 7:31H. Foley?

  You've been here all along, Mr. Foley.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  Uh, I think, uh, that's like self-talk. They say that. Just go, hey, you know...

• 7:37H. Foley?

  I've heard enough of that shit. This is fucking negative self-talk. I don't like the guy, alright?

• 7:44Speaker 01

  He's a bad guy.

• 7:46H. Foley?

  I heard, you should hurt on yourself. One thing, I'm doing it performatively, so you feel bad for me. I'm manipulating everyone.

• 7:54Speaker 01

  Larry Johnson was about to say that.

• 7:56H. Foley?

  Ah, you son of a bitch, I knew it was that. I said Jimmy Johnson, I was close.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  Had Jimmy Dean.

• 8:01H. Foley?

  I get the points, right? I get the money.

• 8:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure, whatever you need, guy. Whatever you need.

• 8:07Speaker 01

  What was the dad question?

• 8:08H. Foley?

  Well, okay, I pitched this to you a couple of weeks ago. I don't think you responded to me. I'm not sure if, I'm not sure if you were speaking to me at the time. I had this idea about, about gentlemen's moves.

• 8:20Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 8:20H. Foley?

  Because sometimes when I was...

• 8:24Speaker 01

  Sometimes you float over ideas that...

• 8:28H. Foley?

  We all agree to this.

• 8:29Speaker 01

  You, you send them to the group chat and it's like, it's like the...

• 8:32H. Foley?

  Nothing.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  It's like the Arctic.

• 8:34H. Foley?

  How about the one I said the other day? You don't even respond to me. Did I freak out? No. No.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  Well, a lot of times it's either stuff we do, you know, it's something so basically, can we should have an Instagram page? And you go, okay, man, sure, whatever you...

• 8:47H. Foley?

  That was my idea.

• 8:48Speaker 01

  Or sometimes it's my idea that we're, you know, I've said to you a week ago and you repurpose it and send over. I don't know, sometimes I don't know how to engage with it, that's all.

• 8:56H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 8:57Speaker 03

  He also said it at 1:30 a.m.

• 9:01H. Foley?

  I was just waking up.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  Just getting up from the Genius Bar.

• 9:06H. Foley?

  I've been getting up early.

• 9:07Speaker 03

  I'm just, we're not spitballing ideas there, I would say.

• 9:09H. Foley?

  He does it all the time, though.

• 9:10Speaker 03

  Not at that, it's usually 8:00.

• 9:12H. Foley?

  You're always starting shit and then I think I gotta get in there, cause if I don't say something, I'm gonna get in trouble. It's when you want to open the front door.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Is that what you think it is?

• 9:21H. Foley?

  I know that's what I think.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry we discuss business between 9:00 and 5:00. I apologize.

• 9:28H. Foley?

  You know I'm on LA Times?

• 9:31H. Foley?

  Let me get my head on straight. Um, gentlemen's move.

• 9:34Speaker 01

  What's L.A. stand for? Loser asshole?

• 9:40Speaker 01

  Zing!

• 9:41H. Foley?

  It's pretty good.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  Luke, cut that clip.

• 9:45H. Foley?

  No!

• 9:45Speaker 01

  Put that on the Instagram page. That was totally his idea.

• 9:50H. Foley?

  A gentleman's move. Like, when things are done, you don't, they don't need to be done. A gentleman's move. Like, I was at this restaurant-

• 9:56Speaker 01

  This is gonna sting.

• 9:59Speaker 01

  I was at a restaurant?

• 10:00H. Foley?

  I was at this restaurant, and they, I was, I was at Connolly's, which is a bar and restaurant.

• 10:06Speaker 01

  The one in Midtown?

• 10:07H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 10:09H. Foley?

  I was staying near there.

• 10:14H. Foley?

  I thought I was taken in by Cousin Ian.

• 10:18H. Foley?

  They had Maynard's downstairs and upstairs. They don't need to have Maynard's there, but they had them, and the guys were great. They were just nice. It was cool. A gentleman's move, having that. I go buy a lighter at the deli, the guy lights it for me, then, then gives it to me. That's a gentleman's move.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  Nah, why is lighting it for you a gentleman's move?

• 10:36H. Foley?

  Because showing you that it works. That's, that's going above and beyond.

• 10:39Speaker 01

  That's saving him.

• 10:40H. Foley?

  Why?

• 10:40Speaker 01

  Because if he, you give it to him-

• 10:42H. Foley?

  Am I gonna come back and lose it on him?

• 10:43Speaker 01

  You come back with the fuck, hey, let me get the black lighter. You take it out there. That's the oldest trick in the book. You come back in, it just don't fucking work. Give me a new one. It worked, I handed it to you, guy. That's on you.

• 10:55H. Foley?

  Oh, like if I went out and switched the lighter?

• 10:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, yeah, that's to not fucking get stolen lighters. Look, he's doing that for him. This isn't true. He holds it up to the camera. Woo, take a look. The eye in the sky.

• 11:05H. Foley?

  Alright, never mind then. Tell you what, you just have to get a little faith in the world.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  Listen, you're never gonna cut it in this business.

• 11:14H. Foley?

  Crampus to take the legs out from under you. I thought they were doing it to me nice.

• 11:18Speaker 03

  Such a dirtbag move, dude.

• 11:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, what? Hey, can you light it for me? It's not a gentleman. Dude, if you're going somewhere that's shopping, you're shopping for lighters, and he's-

• 11:27H. Foley?

  Like with chicks, I blow up the condom in my mouth to let them know that it's no holes in it.

• 11:33H. Foley?

  I don't do that. Anyway, that really wasn't-

• 11:36Speaker 01

  Sounds like you have.

• 11:37H. Foley?

  That wasn't a part of the, the pitch.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Pitch.

• 11:40H. Foley?

  No, of the segment that we're doing.

• 11:42Speaker 01

  Okay. So, but what about a dad? What's this, what's the crack lighter have to do with a dad?

• 11:48H. Foley?

  It's not a crack lighter, it was a regular small bic, which I prefer.

• 11:51Speaker 01

  Uh, my dad, my dad, uh, started doing that-

• 11:54H. Foley?

  He left, get over it.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  Started doing that. I never got it, because it feels dainty. I always thought they were like women lighters, you know what I mean? For their tiny brains. No, I'm kidding. Um, well, my stepmom used to use-

• 12:09H. Foley?

  You're a guy with a small dick. I want the biggest one you got!

• 12:14Speaker 01

  I got that big D Jeep.

• 12:18H. Foley?

  Hello, ladies. Put it in your pocket.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  I get out, get in my monster truck, and drive away.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  Crushing your, your tiny little bitch car.

• 12:32Speaker 01

  Little cuck car you're in. Ramming up.

• 12:37H. Foley?

  What?

• 12:37Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 12:40Speaker 01

  Man, those big trucks seem so, ugh, I don't have the energy.

• 12:44H. Foley?

  The guys with the crackers on their car, they're like, bing, bing, bing. Fucking dork.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Young, I thought you were a young, cool guy.

• 12:50H. Foley?

  Not that shit. You're disturbing the neighborhood.

• 12:53Speaker 01

  Okay, pop up.

• 12:54H. Foley?

  People trying to sleep. Six o'clock at night.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  Woo, woo!

• 12:59H. Foley?

  Hate that shit. Um, anyway, this is really, it's nothing to do with it. I was trying to wedge that in.

• 13:06H. Foley?

  I forget any steam on that. Yes, not. Saw a guy-

• 13:10Speaker 01

  You know what, you bombed, you bombed in a group text with four people, why don't you try in front of a quarter million?

• 13:16H. Foley?

  Hey.

• 13:18H. Foley?

  Feels wrong not to swing. Who said that?

• 13:20Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 13:21H. Foley?

  Merrill and Signs. Um, Joaquin Phoenix and Signs.

• 13:24Speaker 01

  Never saw it.

• 13:24H. Foley?

  Yes, you did!

• 13:27H. Foley?

  Don't say that. I'll think I'm crazy. We spent whole car- Are you fucking with me? We've talked about it on, you guys are fucking around. We've talked about it on this program.

• 13:39Speaker 01

  Parts of it.

• 13:40H. Foley?

  We've talked about that movie.

• 13:42Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, I've seen-

• 13:43H. Foley?

  Because it was filmed in Bucks County.

• 13:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've said, I've-

• 13:45H. Foley?

  Where you grew up.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  I've mentioned that. When he was in Newtown, it was a big-

• 13:49H. Foley?

  You said you saw Signs.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  I've seen parts of it, yeah.

• 13:52H. Foley?

  Parts of it? You think you know a guy. It's crazy. You've seen it, right, Luke? Your name is Luke, right?

• 13:59Speaker 01

  It's actually not.

• 14:01H. Foley?

  That's Louis. Fuck. Get back on drugs.

• 14:07H. Foley?

  I saw a guy at a restaurant the other day. He was sitting at the bar, having a beer, reading the newspaper. And you, as a dad, I know you don't read the newspaper, or go to bars during the day, but I could see, I thought about you doing it. It's kinda, that's a gentleman's move, sitting there reading, reading the paper at a bar.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  Uh, so, I don't understand the, I'm sorry. I don't, I don't understand the question.

• 14:33H. Foley?

  Well, I just, I don't know, I was just talking to you about it. Isn't that nice?

• 14:36Speaker 01

  Shit.

• 14:36H. Foley?

  Reading the paper at a bar, sitting there, you had it all laid out.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  I feel like if I don't agree with you, you're gonna go postal. So, yeah, huh, it's a great idea, man. Let me could, we could read the newspaper, then go watch Signs.

• 14:51H. Foley?

  I thought that was nice.

• 14:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I-

• 14:54H. Foley?

  That's a guy that's calm, cool, collected.

• 14:56Speaker 01

  I like the romance of that, for sure.

• 14:58H. Foley?

  The romance? Wasn't banging it?

• 15:02Speaker 01

  Clearly not a romantic lover.

• 15:04H. Foley?

  Yes, I am. I'm very romantic. Isn't it romantic?

• 15:08Speaker 01

  I have so many questions. What time of day was this?

• 15:12H. Foley?

  About four o'clock in the morning.

• 15:16H. Foley?

  After hours, Jordan. Next door, God. No, um, it was in the evening, it was after work, it was happy hour, you would call it.

• 15:23Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 15:24H. Foley?

  I don't imbibe in that stuff.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  What was he imbibing on?

• 15:28H. Foley?

  I did have a Virgin Mary at the airport not that long ago. Pretty good. I like to me, I like, I like the Bloody Mary, man.

• 15:36Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 15:37H. Foley?

  Yeah. But I only had one. I thought it was a little too close to the sun. So, we're not gonna be doing that.

• 15:42Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 15:42H. Foley?

  Luke?

• 15:43Speaker 01

  What was he imbibing on?

• 15:44H. Foley?

  I had like a light beer, you know what I mean?

• 15:46Speaker 01

  Alright, it's more-

• 15:48H. Foley?

  There's another thing, too. Guys just sitting there, slow drinking a glass of beer.

• 15:52Speaker 01

  It's nice.

• 15:53H. Foley?

  Yeah, it's crazy to me.

• 15:55Speaker 01

  I know. Yeah.

• 15:59H. Foley?

  You gonna shoot that, buddy?

• 16:01Speaker 01

  You got something to back that up, right, pal?

• 16:03H. Foley?

  Bitch. Sitting there reading the Wall Street Journal or something like that, just, you know, he had it all spread out. I don't know, it's kinda like dad shit. I could see you doing it.

• 16:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, I don't think I've ever read the paper, so I'd have to get in on that new form of media, uh, you know, and then it stains in my fingers, which I probably don't like that much. Uh, I could have a beer-

• 16:23H. Foley?

  Don't wanna eat my goldfish. I taste ink.

• 16:26Speaker 01

  Uh, I could have a beer and scroll. I could do that. I could do that for you.

• 16:30H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 16:31Speaker 01

  But there is something I-

• 16:32H. Foley?

  They're not like the finance, sorry, they're not like the financial news or anything like that.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  Nah, take that, you know, I'm not whatever. Reels.

• 16:38H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  Shirts. Uh, you know what's crazy? I was, I was with my family, and I seen it twice, and I never thought about it that way, as, you know, as like I said, we're a YouTube family over here. You know that younger kids are, they'll watch YouTube shorts on TV?

• 16:57H. Foley?

  How they flip them?

• 16:58Speaker 01

  I think it just auto does it.

• 17:00H. Foley?

  Oh, I can't do that. I gotta have control.

• 17:02Speaker 01

  Dude, we were down the shore, and like, they just have it on in the background, and it's like, 12 seconds, 5 seconds, a minute.

• 17:08H. Foley?

  What are they doing?

• 17:09Speaker 01

  They're just like, just wa, it's just there. Ah, that one was fun. I don't know. I walked in and go, are you guys watching YouTube shorts on, on a fucking flat scr, plasma flat screen right now? And they were. And my sister or something, my sister-in-law was like, oh, yeah. I mean, they don't have, the kids don't have phones.

• 17:27H. Foley?

  Why?

• 17:28Speaker 01

  The young kids don't have phones.

• 17:29H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 17:30Speaker 01

  Like, a fucking seven-year-old doesn't have a phone.

• 17:32H. Foley?

  What do they wa, are they watching like clips from like, uh, Landman and stuff like that? That's what I watch.

• 17:39Speaker 03

  That is all the YouTube shorts I get to.

• 17:41Speaker 01

  Christopher Moltisanti's Top 50 Lines?

• 17:46H. Foley?

  What about the shot I ran?

• 17:50Speaker 01

  Um-

• 17:51H. Foley?

  Damn.

• 17:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're, and it's just like, I, I don't know, I just blew my mind. We're like going back in a circle, where it was like shorts were the thing, and it's like, now you're watching that on the fucking

• 18:02Speaker 01

  big screen.

• 18:02H. Foley?

  Crazy.

• 18:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:04H. Foley?

  I gotta be able to control it.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, you're not a seven-year-old, yeah.

• 18:07H. Foley?

  I know. I catch a bad one, I'm done. Beat it. I wanna see how presidents ate, and those battles that they have. Those AI, the AI battles, and the, and the AI things with the tooth. Showing teeth. And the tooth smiling when you put a little bit of wax on it.

• 18:25Speaker 01

  I don't know about that. Um, I do, there was one, one big dad thing, full-blown suburban dad thing I did this morning, uh, yesterday afternoon, but then it came into play this morning. I felt real nice.

• 18:37H. Foley?

  Walked out through your keys, got in the car and drove away. Buddy, I'm thinking about- I remember my dad pulling out of driveway a couple of times. I didn't know he was coming back. He would like do the pulling out really hard for effect. That's it! Get in the car.

• 18:52H. Foley?

  Exactly an hour later. Core to core is light. Core to beer. Sit outside, smoke cigarettes. Probably did something. Drove him crazy.

• 19:02Speaker 03

  Gentleman's move.

• 19:03H. Foley?

  Gentleman's move.

• 19:05Speaker 01

  Falsely abandon your-

• 19:08Speaker 01

  Threaten your kids, tell them you're gonna leave and never see them again.

• 19:10H. Foley?

  Woo! That's how you fuck get the heart going on a Sunday night right before dinner.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  Come back with the cheapest beer they had at the fucking, at the corner store. Crank Marlboro Reds.

• 19:19H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 19:20Speaker 01

  And go, I can't leave her. She gets half my pension.

• 19:23H. Foley?

  Yeah. I feel you.

• 19:26H. Foley?

  God love them.

• 19:29H. Foley?

  Kev, we gotta talk about Square.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  Square.

• 19:31H. Foley?

  Game support for today's episode comes from Square. The system powering like, I don't know, half the places that you go. Right? If you have, you ever tapped and pay anywhere and thought, I don't know, how do you do that? That's pretty fast, pretty quick. It's not squirrels in there. It's Square.

• 19:46Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 19:47H. Foley?

  So do yourself a favor, get over to Square. You got a small business, you got something going on, you got a little side hustle, you want to turn it into a more professional operation. Use Square. Everybody's doing it.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  Yes. Uh, we, I mean, we use it on the road. We use Square if you've bought merch at a live show. Bada bing bada boom, tip doop doo. If you met Ry Guy, he's over there. You're tapping, you're swiping. It's all off Square, baby. Uh, Square's the platform behind the scenes of so many businesses you already love. Whether someone's selling smoothies, cutting hair, fixing bikes, or running a boutique, Square gives them one connected system to take payments, manage inventory, run payroll, send invoices, and track it all from one place. Because listen, mostly is if you're, if you're a hustler, you got a small business or doing this, you're probably not great with paperwork. You're managing payroll, you got HR problems, you got inventory problems, you got delivery problems. Let Square handle all the BS for you that you don't have the time or the bandwidth to do. Square takes care of it. You know what I mean?

• 20:40Speaker 01

  Uh, if you're starting a business or running one that deserves better tools, Square helps you sell, manage, and grow without slowing down. Right now, you can get up to $200 off Square hardware at square.com/go/garbage. That's Square, S-Q-U-A-R-E dot com slash G-O slash garbage. Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today. Do it.

• 20:58H. Foley?

  Do it. Kev, let's talk about ButcherBox, baby.

• 21:02Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 21:03H. Foley?

  Woo, thank God the boys are back because I need a little meat in the fridge. You ever look in your refrigerator and you said to yourself, oh my God, there ain't nothing in here? Do yourself a favor, get over to ButcherBox. You can solve that problem real quick. They get meat sent right to your freezer. We're talking about 100% grass-fed, organic beef. We're talking about organic chicken, wild-caught seafood, plenty of more kippy. Wild-caught, not that stuff you're catching off the bridge at Coney Island. Talking wild-caught, fresh, right to your freezer.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  Yes. Uh, guys, ButcherBox has been with us for a very long time. They're good supporters of the show. I've been using them since, since they came along. I, they gave us, they sent us a free package. I got sold. Me and the broad do it. We're in there, we're cooking, we're making this, we're making that. You got your chicken, you got your salmon, you got your seafood, you got your walk, you got it all. And it's easy. It brings me and my, me and the bird together. We're in there cooking, doing it right. Um, so if you're looking for an easier way to get great meals on the table, give ButcherBox a try. Go to butcherbox.com/garbage to get $20 off your first box, plus your choice of free ribeye, New York strip-

• 22:05H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 22:06Speaker 01

  Filet mignon in every box for a year with free shipping as always. That's butcherbox.com/garbage. Again, butcherbox.com/garbage. Be sure to use our link so they know we sent you that.

• 22:19Speaker 01

  Uh-

• 22:20H. Foley?

  What you were saying?

• 22:21Speaker 01

  And, and, and maybe I'm just, I've always, I'm a, I'm a, uh-

• 22:25H. Foley?

  Dirtbag.

• 22:26Speaker 01

  Dirtbag is the, I'm a dirtbag. We, you know, we were talking recently, I think you were talking about the, the trash in the car and just-

• 22:34H. Foley?

  That's a, that's a parenting, like, I don't fault you for that. I'm just not getting in it.

• 22:38Speaker 01

  No.

• 22:38H. Foley?

  I, I don't like that sour milk smell in like family cars.

• 22:42Speaker 01

  That's, we don't have that. But, uh-

• 22:44H. Foley?

  I'm not getting in there. You come by and try to pick me up, I won't get in the car. About eight o'clock tonight?

• 22:52Speaker 01

  Nah, you're right. I mean, I don't, I don't even want to bother you.

• 22:57H. Foley?

  Alright, I'll do it. But go ahead.

• 22:59Speaker 01

  I got the car here, I can drive you home.

• 23:00H. Foley?

  Really?

• 23:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, where the fuck did I park? Oh, yeah, okay.

• 23:04H. Foley?

  You drive me back to Brooklyn?

• 23:05Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 23:06H. Foley?

  Where'd you think I lived?

• 23:07Speaker 01

  Not in Ian's basement. I've grown 50 years-

• 23:11H. Foley?

  Exactly where I live.

• 23:12Speaker 01

  50-year-old man, successful, owns a business. Didn't think you lived in the basement in fucking Bushwick.

• 23:16H. Foley?

  Shout out to Cousin Ian over there.

• 23:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:18H. Foley?

  Woo wee.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  Man.

• 23:19H. Foley?

  Loving that neighborhood too. I had a celebrity sighting over there.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  Ian Finance lives above you?

• 23:26H. Foley?

  Holy shit. Uh, no, it's a, a lady who does, uh-

• 23:30Speaker 01

  She's not a celebrity then. You do that a lot. What? You don't know the guy, the guy from the date, not him, the other guy? That's how you explain-

• 23:38H. Foley?

  Get back to your messy car that I will not ride in, still. Unless you drive me home tonight.

• 23:43Speaker 01

  Unless you really want me to. Uh, what, who was it?

• 23:47H. Foley?

  She does Facebook Marketplace finds.

• 23:49Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 23:51H. Foley?

  But she's really cool with it. She does like retro stuff. I don't want to say, I'm afraid to say, it's called, it's, it's called, uh-

• 23:58Speaker 01

  Don't say it then. If you're afraid to say it.

• 24:00H. Foley?

  Well, it's just, there's a bad word on it.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  Okay, then don't say it.

• 24:02H. Foley?

  But it's not said like that.

• 24:04Speaker 01

  Well, I would, I don't know. I've never-

• 24:06H. Foley?

  It's not the N-word.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  I've never heard you, I've never heard you say a bad, go, it's a bad word.

• 24:11H. Foley?

  She, it's like Facebook Marketplace sluts or something like that. Or she always says-

• 24:15Speaker 01

  Don't act like you've never typed that into a search bar. How do you think you stumbled upon it?

• 24:19H. Foley?

  She says, hey sluts, it's for like girls, for like getting retro stuff. But she opened up a store and she has like conversation pit couches and stuff like that. It's really cool. She was waiting outside of a restaurant. I don't want to say hi because I wasn't sure if she knew who I was and that would look like an idiot.

• 24:38H. Foley?

  You have a messy-

• 24:39Speaker 01

  She's probably, she's probably telling her friends, I saw that podcast, what? I don't want to say hi to them.

• 24:45H. Foley?

  She's huge.

• 24:48H. Foley?

  Hmm, yeah. I like all that vintage stuff.

• 24:53Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 24:53H. Foley?

  So's the bird. She likes all that vintage stuff.

• 24:59Speaker 01

  Uh, officially, I, I think the kids are calling it unchopped, washed.

• 25:03H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 25:03Speaker 01

  Uh-

• 25:04H. Foley?

  You're unk. I'm not, you are.

• 25:06Speaker 01

  I got excited. I put a fucking, a pack of baby wipes in the car that live in the car just to clean up messes and stuff. Like mainly for me, it's nice. I gotta tell you, I had a sizzly this morning. Pork roll, egg and cheese, got all over my face.

• 25:27H. Foley?

  On a what? A bagel?

• 25:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:30H. Foley?

  So odd to me. There's no flavor in that. Croissant. A pork roll on a cheese on a croissant would be good.

• 25:39Speaker 01

  Sure, I see what you're saying. I don't like-

• 25:41H. Foley?

  For the folks that don't live in Philadelphia, pork rolls like a breakfast salami? I don't know.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a, it's like a, yeah, it's like a, yeah. Yeah.

• 25:50H. Foley?

  A bunch of Italian goons in North Jersey going, "Tell me who."

• 25:55H. Foley?

  What's up, boys?

• 25:56Speaker 01

  Really picking your battles today, aren't you?

• 26:00Speaker 01

  Uh, but it just, and then I had a bunch of cheese on my face. The, with the wet wipe, changes the fucking game.

• 26:08H. Foley?

  A wet wipe? Not a baby wipe?

• 26:09Speaker 01

  It's a baby wipe.

• 26:10H. Foley?

  So it smells like baby?

• 26:11Speaker 01

  No.

• 26:12H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 26:12Speaker 01

  That, that, now, the wipes are like-

• 26:16H. Foley?

  Which I like. That was my biggest problem using baby wipes.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  Everything's like non-smell, not, it's like, these are called water wipes where they go, why? We are 99% water.

• 26:27H. Foley?

  Yeah. I got a little fragrance.

• 26:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, we're fragrance-free though.

• 26:31H. Foley?

  Really?

• 26:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. Diapers fragrance-free.

• 26:34H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 26:35Speaker 01

  Eh, we kind of-

• 26:36H. Foley?

  I like a fragrance.

• 26:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, but when it's too much and you're around it all day. What?

• 26:40H. Foley?

  I was wearing perfume all weekend.

• 26:42Speaker 01

  Tootsie Weekend.

• 26:43H. Foley?

  I know, I ran out of, I ran out of cologne. And it really doesn't matter. It's how, it's how the scent attaches to your pheromones.

• 26:51H. Foley?

  And I can pull it off.

• 26:51Speaker 01

  Who are you?

• 26:52H. Foley?

  Huh?

• 26:53Speaker 01

  Shut up.

• 26:55H. Foley?

  Hey, there's a guy who lives in a basement.

• 26:57Speaker 01

  Who wears perfume.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. Ian's yelling down at you?

• 27:06Speaker 01

  Who's a little basement slut?

• 27:08H. Foley?

  Collected moths instead of butterflies?

• 27:12Speaker 01

  Uh, listen, your, your Tootsie Weekends are neither here-

• 27:16H. Foley?

  That's not a Tootsie Weekend.

• 27:18Speaker 01

  It's not a manly weekend.

• 27:19H. Foley?

  I like to smell nice. I stopped smoking. I like to smell nice. You know what I mean? I need a little spritz of something.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  Okay. I mean, you seem oddly defensive over this.

• 27:31H. Foley?

  You call me a Tootsie.

• 27:33Speaker 01

  Well, you're wearing perfume all weekend.

• 27:36H. Foley?

  Fair enough.

• 27:37Speaker 01

  That is a Tootsie Weekend.

• 27:39H. Foley?

  You know Tootsie?

• 27:41Speaker 01

  Luke, Luke-

• 27:41H. Foley?

  You seen Tootsie?

• 27:42Speaker 01

  Luke, can we get a definition of Tootsie Weekend?

• 27:44H. Foley?

  That's something that one of your loser friends told you in like sixth grade. It's not going to be on the internet in a major search engine like Google.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  I'm a big man.

• 27:55Speaker 01

  Luke, Tootsie Weekend.

• 27:57Speaker 03

  They're giving me nothing. I got like a Tootsie brunch.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 28:01H. Foley?

  What's a Tootsie brunch?

• 28:01Speaker 03

  I don't know, it's some, some girls on the Today Show doing like, uh, making a drink. Let me go Urban Dick.

• 28:08H. Foley?

  Urban Dick?

• 28:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's on Urban Dick.

• 28:10H. Foley?

  What's Urban Dick?

• 28:11Speaker 01

  Don't act like you have never typed that into a search bar.

• 28:15Speaker 03

  A weekend where a man dresses and assumes a female identity to see what it feels like to live as a woman.

• 28:19Speaker 01

  How you doing? AKA a Tootsie Weekend.

• 28:22H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 28:23Speaker 01

  AKA fully Ian this weekend.

• 28:26H. Foley?

  Leave my friend Ian Finance out of it.

• 28:31H. Foley?

  It was a lady's perfume, my girl's perfume. And I tugged my wiener back.

• 28:35Speaker 01

  I know.

• 28:38H. Foley?

  What's wrong with that? I don't got enough to tug back.

• 28:41Speaker 01

  It keeps popping out.

• 28:44H. Foley?

  Shit.

• 28:44Speaker 01

  It's like a doorstopper.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  Uh, yes, listen, we got a gosh darn family episode on our hands, gang. As you know, when you join the old Patreon, we will answer your garbage questions on the friggin' air. Um, this one's from Ryan, is it garbage if your family member refers to seniority levels as the number two guy?

• 29:05H. Foley?

  Seniority levels?

• 29:07Speaker 01

  Instead of saying like, that's the vice president, it's like, ah, he's the number two guy down there.

• 29:11H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah, he's a nine.

• 29:13Speaker 01

  That's big, but my brother does all the time, right-hand man.

• 29:18H. Foley?

  Ooh.

• 29:19Speaker 01

  That's, that's Jimmy's right-hand man for a lot of, he made his bones being Jimmy's, that made his bones is a big dirtbag thing.

• 29:27H. Foley?

  Made his bones.

• 29:27Speaker 01

  He made his bones being Jimmy's right-hand man for a long time, he ain't tough.

• 29:30H. Foley?

  He made your bones getting his, getting his coffee. Yeah, am I your right-hand man?

• 29:36Speaker 01

  Luke? Next question.

• 29:38H. Foley?

  Luke's your right-hand man?

• 29:39Speaker 01

  I don't have a right-hand man, I'm a lone wolf.

• 29:43H. Foley?

  Baby wipes. And a messy car.

• 29:45Speaker 01

  Uh huh, aren't you living in a basement wearing perfume right now?

• 29:48H. Foley?

  I smell good.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  Trying to tuck your wiener in?

• 29:51H. Foley?

  Right here.

• 29:51Speaker 01

  But can't.

• 29:53H. Foley?

  Um, yeah, that's trashy.

• 29:56Speaker 01

  I like it though, because, I mean, like, what would your family say? They wouldn't say that, that's blue collar dirtbag.

• 30:05H. Foley?

  Vice executive president of something.

• 30:06Speaker 01

  No, what do they call it, the C-suite, like, what is, what is that executive level? They, like, what is that, like, CEO, CMO?

• 30:14Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 30:14Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 30:15H. Foley?

  C-suite?

• 30:16Speaker 01

  They say like, he's a C-suite executive.

• 30:18H. Foley?

  C-suite? Like sweet, like sugar?

• 30:21Speaker 01

  No, you wish, sugar lips.

• 30:26H. Foley?

  Like my glitter? Um.

• 30:28Speaker 01

  What, what's that saying, a little sugar in the gas tank? Think that's a bit of a Tootsie Weekend insult? Got a little sugar in the tank?

• 30:36H. Foley?

  You leave me alone.

• 30:38Speaker 01

  Okay. That wasn't a real manly response either. You start crying.

• 30:47Speaker 01

  It's not what you said, it's how you said it.

• 30:50H. Foley?

  I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed. Um.

• 30:53Speaker 01

  C-suite.

• 30:54H. Foley?

  Like a, like a suite, like a hotel room?

• 30:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, like S U.

• 30:57H. Foley?

  Where we're not staying in Los Angeles?

• 31:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, this guy.

• 31:03H. Foley?

  Regular room.

• 31:08Speaker 01

  What have you done to deserve not a reg- hey, listen, I put us in here being B's, you screw that up. I, I mean, I don't know what you want to do, you want to stay up all night? Well, okay, never mind, next question, moving on.

• 31:20H. Foley?

  A C-suite, what do you mean?

• 31:21Speaker 01

  Like C-level, like C, C for corporate.

• 31:24H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 31:24Speaker 01

  Like, is the chief marketing officer, CEO, CMO, CFO, the C-level.

• 31:30H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 31:31Speaker 01

  The top brass.

• 31:32H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 31:33Speaker 01

  That's, what do you, what do you?

• 31:34H. Foley?

  But why you say suite?

• 31:35Speaker 01

  That's what they call it, I think, right? I don't know.

• 31:37H. Foley?

  S U I T E.

• 31:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:40H. Foley?

  That.

• 31:41Speaker 03

  You're never making it.

• 31:44H. Foley?

  I'll be a right-hand man.

• 31:45Speaker 01

  You'll be a number nine guy.

• 31:47H. Foley?

  I'm cool with that, not ten.

• 31:49Speaker 03

  It's anyone with the word, who, their title begins with chief.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:54Speaker 03

  So, chief executive officer.

• 31:55H. Foley?

  Oh, the C-suite?

• 31:57Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 31:57H. Foley?

  Where all those guys sit when they go to football games.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 32:01H. Foley?

  Right? That's, okay, the suite, uh, they're in the C-suite. I thought it was one guy that had all those titles, like, he was the CEO and the CFO or whatever.

• 32:12Speaker 03

  No, so every single person has a, that title, and then that top floor, wherever, like, they have the penthouse of the building, that's the C-suite.

• 32:19H. Foley?

  Yes, I get that, I get that.

• 32:21Speaker 01

  Gotcha.

• 32:21H. Foley?

  Up in the C-suite.

• 32:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:23H. Foley?

  He's up in the suite suite, C-suite. That's Jimmy's right-hand man, they don't talk like that.

• 32:29Speaker 01

  Nah, your dad would never say, unless he was trying to talk about a guy who's connected, you know what I mean?

• 32:33H. Foley?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 32:35Speaker 01

  Tony's right, I mean.

• 32:36H. Foley?

  Anthony Pelleggio works here.

• 32:38Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, that's a, that's a tough one.

• 32:40H. Foley?

  Wait a minute, I have a question.

• 32:43H. Foley?

  Was your dad ever a vice president?

• 32:45Speaker 03

  No, my mom was.

• 32:46H. Foley?

  She was?

• 32:47Speaker 03

  My mom was, yeah, my mom was.

• 32:48H. Foley?

  You were, so if somebody?

• 32:50Speaker 01

  The mom was C-suite.

• 32:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:52H. Foley?

  He was in the C-suite.

• 32:53Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. You are a lowly E-man.

• 32:57H. Foley?

  I'm in the bleachers, baby.

• 32:58Speaker 01

  For extra large.

• 32:59H. Foley?

  With the real people. Um. Yeah, that's pretty good.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, we don't, we don't have any. No.

• 33:09H. Foley?

  Work your way up, you gotta work your way up.

• 33:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:12H. Foley?

  Real non-commissioned officers, or whoever gets commissioned in the field, gotta kill a bunch of Germans first. They go to college.

• 33:21Speaker 01

  Whatever Luke's parents told me to kill. That's who my family killed, that's what my family did. Shot at whoever Luke's family decided we were going after.

• 33:31H. Foley?

  Fought an order and took the fall.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  The Ryan story.

• 33:35H. Foley?

  Some massacre in Korea. Holy shit.

• 33:38Speaker 01

  Ah, man, uh, all right, let's see, this is, this is in the same world, this is from Eric, ten bro, ten dollar brogue, you never had one read. Ever say, why can't I do that after watching The Big Short?

• 33:53H. Foley?

  I think about that all the time.

• 33:55Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 33:55H. Foley?

  I remember hearing, I specifically remember the day, the weather, and it was the morning. I was walking into high school, senior year, it was 1994, it was like, the beginning of May, and I heard the word Yahoo.

• 34:12Speaker 01

  Eric calling, hey Yahoo, you're, you're in the wrong class.

• 34:15H. Foley?

  It was you-hoo.

• 34:18H. Foley?

  No, and they were like, it's gonna be big, it's gonna be big, somebody was saying it, I don't know who it was. Probably some chick knowing me. Rolling in. That was one of my buddies. Um.

• 34:30Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 34:34Speaker 01

  You were in bed with her.

• 34:35H. Foley?

  And I remember them saying, it's gonna be big, if I just would've put like.

• 34:38Speaker 01

  See, this is everything, dude, well, your version of that, my version of that was.

• 34:41H. Foley?

  Thirty grand in that, I'm, I'm a billionaire, right?

• 34:44Speaker 01

  Where'd you get thirty grand?

• 34:45H. Foley?

  Huh?

• 34:46Speaker 01

  You don't have thirty grand now. You're cute, huh? A little girl. Uh, you're real cute, you know that? Uh, our big thing was every single dirtbag, every single dirtbag friend of mine who was like, barely hanging on. On parole, like, in high school, and like, probate, like, everything, going, we just gotta come up with the next Facebook. We just gotta come up with the next Facebook, look at that, Facebook, billionaire.

• 35:16H. Foley?

  Fucking nerd.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, that, and, uh, I want, my one kid, a couple, two years older than me, tried to make a Facebook, and then tried.

• 35:26H. Foley?

  Facebook page?

• 35:27Speaker 01

  No, like, a new social network.

• 35:30H. Foley?

  What was it?

• 35:31Speaker 01

  I forget, but he, I could probably find it, but he kept inviting all of us.

• 35:36H. Foley?

  It had to be chat room, it's just him cranking it.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 35:42H. Foley?

  Woo.

• 35:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, he tried to get us all to, that was like, a thing where it was like, we're gonna, that was like, our Wild West.

• 35:48H. Foley?

  I just heard it.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  Instagram, meanwhile, we didn't know they were like, billion-dollar entities to begin with, you know what I mean?

• 35:53H. Foley?

  Well, yeah, you gotta get the seed money, that's another thing nobody says in corporate America, you get seed money, seed money is when you're.

• 36:00Speaker 01

  No, is, uh, seed money might be like.

• 36:02H. Foley?

  Investors.

• 36:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, but what?

• 36:04Speaker 03

  Seed money, I mean, that would be a real thing, you want seed money.

• 36:06H. Foley?

  I know, but that's something trashy people would say.

• 36:08Speaker 03

  No.

• 36:09Speaker 01

  It's what I buy weed with.

• 36:10H. Foley?

  No?

• 36:10Speaker 03

  No, seed money, yeah, like, you just, that's to start a company up, yeah.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  The money to start it, gave him his seed money.

• 36:16H. Foley?

  I just heard a really good idea today, that, I didn't, it's another one, fuck, why didn't I think of that? You know, like, when you didn't have, your credit wasn't good, and you had to like, ask your parents or somebody to be a guarantor on your apartment, like, if you were in an apartment?

• 36:29Speaker 01

  You're in a bad spot, if you just heard this today, you just described all, all these things, but yeah, sure.

• 36:38H. Foley?

  Your income does good, but your credit's really bad, you have to, you still, you know, they, they, they're, they're tough in New York City specifically.

• 36:47Speaker 01

  Thirty-eight street.

• 36:50H. Foley?

  They have companies now that are third-party guarantors.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 36:54H. Foley?

  You pay them a fee and they guarantee it, they bond it out, and then if you don't pay, for whatever reason.

• 37:00Speaker 01

  Oh, oh god.

• 37:01H. Foley?

  They come after you.

• 37:03Speaker 03

  Short that company, that's bad debt.

• 37:05H. Foley?

  Why is that bad bet?

• 37:06Speaker 03

  Bad debt.

• 37:07H. Foley?

  Bad debt, what do you mean?

• 37:08Speaker 01

  They're chase, they're gonna be chasing a bunch of people. What, what are you getting into?

• 37:14H. Foley?

  Nothing.

• 37:14Speaker 01

  This ain't good.

• 37:15H. Foley?

  I just heard it. I didn't say I was taking anybody up on it, I'm just saying it's, that, that, that's a smart idea, to become like, the parent, instead of the parents, you, it's like an insurance company.

• 37:29Speaker 03

  This is like, the Big Short part two.

• 37:31H. Foley?

  What are you talking about? Who's fucking running out on their lease?

• 37:37Speaker 03

  They said the same thing about mortgages.

• 37:42H. Foley?

  I have five homes.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  Good luck with all that, I don't, I wouldn't do that.

• 37:50H. Foley?

  Why?

• 37:51Speaker 01

  You don't.

• 37:51H. Foley?

  I didn't say I was doing it, I'm just saying it's an interesting idea, that we could've got in on, like Facebook.

• 37:58H. Foley?

  That's a smart idea.

• 37:59Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 37:59H. Foley?

  It's not all personal.

• 38:02Speaker 01

  It just, it just so happened, this just loosely came up in dinner conversation while you're.

• 38:09H. Foley?

  I was talking to my property manager about it.

• 38:11Speaker 01

  Ian?

• 38:11H. Foley?

  No, from my old apartment.

• 38:15Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 38:18Speaker 01

  Eh, this episode's brought to you by Yahoo.

• 38:23H. Foley?

  No, brought to you by insurance.

• 38:26Speaker 01

  Is that what it's called?

• 38:27H. Foley?

  Hot cop.

• 38:30Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 38:31H. Foley?

  What's, hey, why don't you look it up before you, before you talk shit about it?

• 38:34Speaker 03

  I know how these companies work.

• 38:36H. Foley?

  You don't know how any company works.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  No, you don't know how any company works.

• 38:39H. Foley?

  I know how this one works.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  No, you don't.

• 38:41H. Foley?

  You two make fun of me.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's pretty.

• 38:45Speaker 01

  Uh, it's all right, you're pretty good at that.

• 38:47H. Foley?

  What are you talking about, you went from the frat house to Tootie's house? Punk.

• 38:52Speaker 01

  And you what, you had to long hard, you, you really paint yourself?

• 38:55H. Foley?

  Oh, I didn't.

• 38:56Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, it's all self-inflicted fucking bad decisions.

• 38:59H. Foley?

  Either way.

• 39:01Speaker 01

  You're the king of that.

• 39:06H. Foley?

  What do you got? Please be good.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  Do not buy.

• 39:12H. Foley?

  What do you got?

• 39:14Speaker 03

  Okay, the fee's not crazy.

• 39:16H. Foley?

  No!

• 39:18Speaker 01

  You have to sign something, so it's not just a bu- you ha- they have to, if, they're, listen, I don't know anything about anything.

• 39:25H. Foley?

  Well, I don't wanna hear that.

• 39:27Speaker 01

  These, there's, I would, you have to, they have to be able to get your money somehow.

• 39:32H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 39:32Speaker 01

  They're not taking your word for it.

• 39:34H. Foley?

  No.

• 39:37Speaker 01

  So what do they bu- what do you get, what's it called? What do they bind it, they bond out a year's rent?

• 39:42H. Foley?

  I don't know. I don't even know what bond out means. He just said it and I wanted to say, to look cool in front of you guys. Did I?

• 39:47Speaker 01

  Nah. Unless you're getting a tooth bond or something like that, which you could use.

• 39:56Speaker 03

  So, basically, you pay a secure, you're, you're paying a security deposit extra to them.

• 40:01H. Foley?

  Yeah!

• 40:03Speaker 03

  To make sure that, yeah, you don't run out.

• 40:06H. Foley?

  An extra security deposit? How do they make money off of that? Yeah, what if I did disappear? Not me, the royal me. I'm not disappearing.

• 40:15Speaker 01

  Henry Foley. One, two, three. They're ha- they have to, listen, there's no way they're taking thirty-five hundred, a one month's rent and going, we're going to guarantee.

• 40:26H. Foley?

  Stop being such a boomer and a curmudgeon, he's explaining it to you.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  I know, but no business would do that. You're dealing with, you're dealing with people with-

• 40:33H. Foley?

  He just said it is!

• 40:33Speaker 01

  I understand that. They have to guarantee their money somehow. Do you get that, right?

• 40:37H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  So there, so say you, say the, and, not you.

• 40:41H. Foley?

  No?

• 40:42Speaker 01

  H Schmoly disappears.

• 40:44H. Foley?

  My credit's good.

• 40:45Speaker 01

  It's not.

• 40:45H. Foley?

  How do you know?

• 40:46Speaker 01

  You've said it.

• 40:47H. Foley?

  Fuck!

• 40:48Speaker 01

  And also, I don't know, you're, you're bringing these fucking whacked out fucking...

• 40:53H. Foley?

  I had them in here for a meeting this morning.

• 40:56Speaker 01

  They have to guarantee their money somehow.

• 40:58H. Foley?

  Uh-huh.

• 40:59Speaker 01

  Right?

• 41:00H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 41:00Speaker 01

  So for, let's just say that the rent is thirty-five hundred, just make it easy, five thousand dollars a month. Right?

• 41:06H. Foley?

  I'd say it's twelve.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  It's sixty thousand dollars a year.

• 41:11H. Foley?

  What? Wait, say it again?

• 41:11Speaker 01

  That's sixty thousand dollars a year, so they're going on the hook for sixty thousand dollars if you don't pay anything.

• 41:16H. Foley?

  Right.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  All for five thousand dollars?

• 41:19H. Foley?

  Luke, what's up with that?

• 41:21Speaker 03

  Well, I asu- it says they also work very closely with the, uh, leasing agencies.

• 41:26Speaker 01

  Cops.

• 41:28H. Foley?

  FBI.

• 41:29Speaker 01

  Dog the bounty hunter. Tracking hot, lock, load and hunt in your motherfucking ass, damn.

• 41:34H. Foley?

  That's how I want to come and get me.

• 41:36Speaker 01

  I'll dress up like him and get it.

• 41:37H. Foley?

  No, I want the real guy. I want Dog. Just let him come and get me. I want Dog the bounty hunter here, I'm yelling out of a bank with a microphone.

• 41:45Speaker 01

  Get me the dog.

• 41:48Speaker 01

  They, they're calling me in to talk to you.

• 41:49H. Foley?

  I want a Parliament one hundred!

• 41:50Speaker 01

  Is that Kippy out there?

• 41:52H. Foley?

  Yeah. Smoke a hundred with him?

• 41:53Speaker 01

  Kippy, I'm sorry, buddy. I got us jammed up. It's okay, man. It's okay. We just all wanna go home today, Hank.

• 42:00H. Foley?

  They don't have any lollipops in there, they only got dog treats. Not bad, though!

• 42:06H. Foley?

  Hey, what are you doing? Give away my plan?

• 42:11H. Foley?

  A lot of banks have dog treats.

• 42:14Speaker 01

  A lot of TD banks on Sixth Avenue have dog treats.

• 42:18H. Foley?

  What do you think, Luke?

• 42:20Speaker 03

  I just, I don't like any of this stuff, um...

• 42:23Speaker 01

  I mean, I-

• 42:23H. Foley?

  It seems shady?

• 42:24Speaker 03

  No.

• 42:25H. Foley?

  Then I'm walking!

• 42:26Speaker 03

  It's, it's a real company and like-

• 42:28Speaker 01

  Well, I know it's a real company.

• 42:29Speaker 03

  But like, I mean, you never know.

• 42:31Speaker 01

  I mean, is that the threshold now? We're a real company. He's a, he's the head of a real company at the end of the day.

• 42:40H. Foley?

  Hey, what's up?

• 42:41Speaker 01

  Alright, listen, all the-

• 42:42H. Foley?

  What's it on that? I've been doing calculated whatsabs and they've been killing. Killing.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  You've been hanging out with?

• 42:51H. Foley?

  I did one to the lady that answers the phone in my doctor's office. She was dying.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  You hit the doctor's office with a whatsap?

• 42:57H. Foley?

  Yeah, she were confirming an appointment, I was like, whatsapp? She lost it.

• 43:03Speaker 01

  Wow. Sounds like a great doctor's office you could-

• 43:07H. Foley?

  I mean, lost it on me, like, sir, this is a professional thing, you can't say stuff like that. Kip, what do you think about Ultra?

• 43:12Speaker 01

  Oh, a lot at Ultra.

• 43:14H. Foley?

  Yeah, do you desperately need a nicotine pouch every fifteen minutes just to feel normal? That's no bueno. How many patches? How many cups of coffee? How many energy drinks? How many energy drinks a day do you need, Kippy?

• 43:25Speaker 01

  It's never enough!

• 43:26H. Foley?

  Then all of a sudden, you're crashing, you got the withdrawals, you got the this, you got the that. Isn't it funny how we all really think that, that, that, that, that, that, everything in power to be healthy, go to the gym, eat well, eight hours of rest, all that stuff, then you're relying on chemicals for the energy for your body? What the hell are yous doing?

• 43:43Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 43:44H. Foley?

  Do yourself a favor, go over to Ultra and get yourself straightened out, in my opinion, the right way. L-theanine, Alpha GPC, vitamin B6, huh?

• 43:54Speaker 01

  B12, double that, B12, B6, double it, boom, B12, you got bound, they got everything for balanced energy and mood, a nootropic for enhanced mental processing, an amino acid for promoting calm energy and attentiveness for a cleaner, smoother energy boost than caffeine. They were nice enough to send some over here to the boys, and I gotta be honest with you, it's cha- it's made a shift on the team. The, the, the energy drinks are less and less, the, the, the, the, you know, it's a-

• 44:23H. Foley?

  Square root of sixty-four divided by seventeen is the equal parts of the segmas.

• 44:26Speaker 01

  Yes. It's a, listen, it's a great pouch. Uh, if you're, uh, fasting or on a diet, Ultra pouches actively, actually help you quit cravings and suppress appetite by keeping you locked in to achieve your goals. Uh, you're seeing them everywhere, they're blowing up. Uh, Ultra is the ultimate guilt-free pouch, delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. New customers can use code GARBAGE to get fifteen percent off at takeultra.com. That's takeultra.com for fifty percent off with the code GARBAGE. After you purchase, they're gonna ask how you heard about them, support our show and tell them the boys sent you that.

• 44:58H. Foley?

  That! That! Kip, what's up about Chime?

• 45:02Speaker 01

  Chime!

• 45:03H. Foley?

  As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.

• 45:06Speaker 01

  You ain't lying, big man.

• 45:06H. Foley?

  Things start adding up.

• 45:07Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 45:08H. Foley?

  You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking, make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right, watch out for bank fees, all that kinda stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish, I could go back and say, hey, I wish I had Chime!

• 45:22Speaker 01

  I know. Listen, if, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is, then you got these big corporate banks coming after you.

• 45:35H. Foley?

  Overdraft fees.

• 45:36Speaker 01

  Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, that, oh, oh, five, five dollars for this, ten dollars for that, they got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get five percent cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to two hundred dollars fee-free. Look at that. I know, I need that, dog. Uh, right now, you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage, that's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now, it only takes a few minutes.

• 46:17H. Foley?

  Do it.

• 46:18Speaker 04

  Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details.

• 46:30Speaker 01

  Alright, listen, we gotta get back into this, um-

• 46:32H. Foley?

  Please. Enough Luke.

• 46:35Speaker 01

  Enough with Luke's personal problems. Enough with Luke's financial woes.

• 46:40H. Foley?

  Luke, we wish you well. Good luck with all that.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  All of it. Uh, now, there's another, this is another, this is Joey Pepitone, Tree RBIs. Uh, my mom passed her, uh, two thousand seven PT Cruiser to me, one hundred percent free with low miles. Do I use it as my whip or do I sell it? What would, uh...

• 47:02H. Foley?

  You know, there's gonna come a day where they're-

• 47:03Speaker 01

  What would insurance rent do?

• 47:05H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 47:06Speaker 01

  Call them up.

• 47:07H. Foley?

  Please.

• 47:08Speaker 01

  Um...

• 47:09H. Foley?

  Say you're me.

• 47:10Speaker 01

  Say you're me. Uh, Luke, can we get, uh, the Kelly Blue Book or what a, what a two thousand seven PT Cruiser's going for?

• 47:21H. Foley?

  A two thousand seven PT Cruiser?

• 47:23Speaker 01

  It's an old car.

• 47:23H. Foley?

  It's gotta be burgundy. I feel like that's all they made.

• 47:26Speaker 01

  Burgundy, I feel like there was a gold, there was like the, the tan.

• 47:31H. Foley?

  What happened to us when those things came out? We were right there on the edge.

• 47:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, we, they, they were just a miss. We could've, we could've been a completely different country if those things got on.

• 47:39H. Foley?

  Them and the Chrysler three hundred, or whatever they were.

• 47:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, the three hundred was alright.

• 47:44H. Foley?

  You think?

• 47:45Speaker 01

  It was fine.

• 47:46H. Foley?

  No.

• 47:46Speaker 01

  It was fine.

• 47:47H. Foley?

  They, the rearview mirrors were bad, they were fucking running people over.

• 47:50Speaker 01

  Oh, I didn't know about that.

• 47:51H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah, it was bad. It was bad.

• 47:53Speaker 01

  I have never heard of that, huh? Uh, what do you got on a PT Cruiser? They gotta go for like eight grand? Five grand? Two thousand five, two thousand seven, though? Just fucking twenty years old.

• 48:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, five grand. Yeah, five grand, depending on how good it is.

• 48:11Speaker 01

  Just say you can get, so just say, well, you'll get five for it.

• 48:14H. Foley?

  How long do they run?

• 48:15Speaker 03

  You'll definitely get five.

• 48:16Speaker 01

  It says low miles, so like-

• 48:17H. Foley?

  I know, but I'm saying, how lo- I'd, I'd say get to five grand and get out.

• 48:21Speaker 01

  I know, but this sounds like this guy doesn't have a car, 'cause he's saying, should I use it as my whip or not? There's no way somebody's giving him a two thousand seven fucking PT Cruiser and he already has a car. So it's either car or no car.

• 48:32H. Foley?

  Well, you get, you get rid of that for five Gs, you buy an older Camry with more miles on it, which is gonna last you longer, you take the rest of the cash and you put it all in insurance.

• 48:45Speaker 01

  Uh, or maybe, that could get you something to finance too, maybe.

• 48:48H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah, a hundred percent, pull the money down.

• 48:50Speaker 03

  If it's a convertible.

• 48:52Speaker 01

  Is there, is there-

• 48:53H. Foley?

  Why? More or less?

• 48:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's, it's more if it's a convertible.

• 48:56H. Foley?

  Really?

• 48:56Speaker 01

  How much more?

• 48:57Speaker 03

  They start, the regular PT Cruiser starts around twenty-five hundred. And then the cru- the-

• 49:04Speaker 01

  Convertible.

• 49:04Speaker 03

  Convertibles are gonna get you closer to five.

• 49:06H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 49:08Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 49:09H. Foley?

  The convertible does make more sense for that.

• 49:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, you wanna be- That's a, that's a car you wanna be seen in. You know what I mean? You wanna, that's a show, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's two miles an hour, so all the honeys see it.

• 49:21H. Foley?

  It was for, um, retired people.

• 49:25Speaker 01

  I don't know, see, if you can get, like, if you type in PT Cruiser, like, sales pitch or what, it'll, it'll give you like the, who it's for.

• 49:32H. Foley?

  And what happened to all those Beatles?

• 49:34Speaker 01

  Like, their corporate take.

• 49:35H. Foley?

  What happened to all the Beatles that were around?

• 49:38Speaker 01

  I think they disbanded at some point. I think Yoko had a problem with them.

• 49:42H. Foley?

  You done?

• 49:43Speaker 01

  Okay, yikes.

• 49:47Speaker 01

  Yikes-a-rooney.

• 49:49H. Foley?

  Remember when they redid the Beatles and they came with a sunflower?

• 49:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:52H. Foley?

  You couldn't, you couldn't, where the fuck at A? What happened to them? They're just gone.

• 49:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:56H. Foley?

  That's weird.

• 49:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're driving them in fucking Iraq or whatever.

• 50:00H. Foley?

  Got a fifty cal on it?

• 50:03Speaker 01

  Take it on the fucking SS of the fucking Intrepid or whatever.

• 50:08H. Foley?

  Fighting the Houthis in a Beetle?

• 50:10Speaker 01

  Fucking daisy cutter, blow that thing up.

• 50:14H. Foley?

  Ah, shit. Fucking Natalie Imbruglia playing?

• 50:20H. Foley?

  Eh? That's worth an investment.

• 50:25H. Foley?

  What do you got?

• 50:26Speaker 03

  Uh, the Chrysler PT Cruiser was designed for everyday drivers looking for an affordable, practical, and distinctive vehicle with a 1930's retro style.

• 50:34H. Foley?

  I didn't want the H. Foley spin version. Who was in it?

• 50:37Speaker 03

  Budget-conscious buyers, style seekers.

• 50:39Speaker 01

  Hold on, that's specifically what I asked him for.

• 50:46H. Foley?

  It's a boomer car.

• 50:47Speaker 03

  Target audience and appeal. Budget-conscious buyers.

• 50:50H. Foley?

  Why?

• 50:51Speaker 01

  You're too old.

• 50:52H. Foley?

  I'm in Generation X. Practically a millennial.

• 50:55Speaker 01

  Also, no other 50-year-old's like fucking really jockeying to be in a different fucking generation. Just shut up and go to work, guy. You can't get, you can't, you need a guarantee for your lease.

• 51:06H. Foley?

  Shut up and get my vape!

• 51:15Speaker 01

  Start calling you Kate Putz.

• 51:16H. Foley?

  And my reusable shopping bag for when I go to Trader Joe's.

• 51:21Speaker 01

  And shower in the public restroom.

• 51:24H. Foley?

  I put on a Hawaiian shirt, tell my work there. It's one of the quiet places to eat my lunch.

• 51:33Speaker 03

  Target audience and appeal. Budget-conscious buyers, style seekers, practical users.

• 51:38Speaker 01

  Style seekers.

• 51:40Speaker 03

  And customizers.

• 51:41H. Foley?

  Yeah, you know anything about that?

• 51:42Speaker 03

  Sounds like, I mean, it sounds like the PT Cruiser is the car for you, Hank.

• 51:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. You are the PT Cruiser of grown men. You really are. You were right there, and you took a left, and now you fucked it all up.

• 51:55H. Foley?

  Wait, say it again?

• 51:56Speaker 01

  You're the PT Cruiser of grown men. You were right there.

• 51:58H. Foley?

  Where? Where was I?

• 52:01Speaker 01

  On the brink of having it together.

• 52:03H. Foley?

  You're nuts.

• 52:05Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying. That's your PT Cruiser.

• 52:07Speaker 03

  And the culture decided to go a different way.

• 52:09Speaker 01

  Culture decided to go a different way.

• 52:10H. Foley?

  Which way?

• 52:11Speaker 01

  The insurer way.

• 52:15H. Foley?

  I'm better now than I was before.

• 52:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, you really pick and choose the window to look at.

• 52:21H. Foley?

  Right now, it's a basement window. And there's a sewer drain there, which had people coming out of them.

• 52:27Speaker 01

  I know that.

• 52:28H. Foley?

  They got people coming out of fucking sewers.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  It's crazy.

• 52:30H. Foley?

  They're doing something down there.

• 52:31Speaker 01

  I don't, I kinda like it, but I don't like it.

• 52:33H. Foley?

  No, they're doing something fucked up down there.

• 52:35Speaker 01

  Did you see the one guy hop out and then like?

• 52:36H. Foley?

  Yeah, they look like, they're wiring something down there. That ain't good.

• 52:39Speaker 01

  Whatever. I got bigger problems.

• 52:45H. Foley?

  Please take me out.

• 52:48H. Foley?

  I'll give you my address.

• 52:50Speaker 01

  Uh, alright, let's see here. Um, this one's from John. This is Johnny5000, first time, long time.

• 52:58H. Foley?

  Johnny!

• 52:58Speaker 01

  Not so much a question, but a story. So, my buddy went home from the bar drunk and ordered Pizza Hut for delivery. He sat in the chair on the front porch waiting for it to get delivered, and he passed out. The driver showed up and saw him there sleeping. She beeped the horn in the car a few times trying to wake him up, but he didn't move. She figured he was dead and called 911. Two cops, the fire truck, and an ambulance showed up. The cops, the cops woke him up, questioned him, and realized he was fine. It was a big scene, just to wake a guy up. After they left, he went inside and ate the pizza.

• 53:34H. Foley?

  What the fuck, man?

• 53:35Speaker 01

  That's a woman response to that.

• 53:37H. Foley?

  I mean, listen, I'm all about see something, say something, but what the fuck?

• 53:40Speaker 01

  Get out and nudge him.

• 53:41H. Foley?

  Something.

• 53:42Speaker 01

  I mean, if he's dead, he's not gonna attack ya.

• 53:44H. Foley?

  But then, I understand if you're, if you're a lady, you're in the, you know, you're in the middle of the night, that could be a setup. It could be a setup for anybody. You know what I mean? That's something, eh, they grab ya. That's something fucking the crazy dad in the neighborhood would do on Halloween. He'd dress up like he was a scarecrow, and then scare the shit out of ya. And I couldn't sleep for a week all over a fucking mini Kit Kat. Fucking dickhead.

• 54:07Speaker 01

  I don't know where, I don't know who we were as a family, as a group of people, but someone, somehow, we got on an unregistered, I never told you this story. I think about it all the time.

• 54:21H. Foley?

  Unregistered?

• 54:22Speaker 01

  It was unsanctioned.

• 54:23H. Foley?

  Like a no-fly list?

• 54:23Speaker 01

  No, like an unsanctioned hayride.

• 54:26H. Foley?

  Unsanctioned?

• 54:27Speaker 01

  That someone in the neighborhood put the, it wasn't like we went to like fucking Shady Brook Farm, paid our eight dollars, got on, went.

• 54:35H. Foley?

  Some drunk on a lawnmower.

• 54:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. I never told you this? I must have, I feel like, I feel like you made that same joke before. And I remember being sick.

• 54:45H. Foley?

  Hey, I make a lot of the same.

• 54:47Speaker 01

  That's an insurer joke.

• 54:49Speaker 03

  100% bonded.

• 54:51H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 54:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, we got, I don't remember, I remember my neighbors being there and getting on, and me being like, this don't smell right at all. And then, in the distance, I don't even know where we would've went. It was like, I, whatever. There was a guy on a horse at nighttime.

• 55:11H. Foley?

  Wait, hold on. Where'd they pick you up?

• 55:14Speaker 01

  I feel like in front of my house.

• 55:15H. Foley?

  The house you used to live in?

• 55:16Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 55:18H. Foley?

  They had a farm around there for miles.

• 55:20Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying.

• 55:21H. Foley?

  You're like a quarter-mile street road.

• 55:25H. Foley?

  Guy pulls up in a tractor. An old tractor or a lawnmower?

• 55:29Speaker 01

  No, like a, like a, like a, it was like a, uh, like a auto, like a, like a truck, like a big farm truck, kind of.

• 55:38H. Foley?

  Farm truck? What's a farm truck?

• 55:41Speaker 01

  You like, something to deliver mulch in, but without like the, the, the stakes, the stakes on the side, kind of.

• 55:47H. Foley?

  Oh, fuck, what are they called?

• 55:48Speaker 01

  State body truck.

• 55:49H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 55:51Speaker 01

  Um, on one of them, kind of.

• 55:53H. Foley?

  Uh-huh.

• 55:53Speaker 01

  With like bales of hay, and like, we got on.

• 55:56H. Foley?

  Oh, you got in the back of that?

• 55:57Speaker 01

  And we drove to like, I don't know where, I was young. I remember being like, this don't, this ain't passing the sniff test at all. This has fucking molestationville written all over it.

• 56:09H. Foley?

  I don't see a cup of cider, so I'm getting.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  I'm gonna get fucking.

• 56:15Speaker 01

  And this guy, they did like an Ichabod Crane-type deal, where he was...

• 56:20H. Foley?

  The Headless Horseman?

• 56:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:22H. Foley?

  Driving?

• 56:24Speaker 01

  No, he was like, we went to somewhere, he was on a ridge.

• 56:27H. Foley?

  The Hessian.

• 56:27Speaker 01

  A guy on a horse, headless, and I went, ew, that's, that's it for me.

• 56:36Speaker 01

  Turn the lights on, get my, someone get Denise on the line. Call my dad, that's a rap. That's a rap phone. Get Marino.

• 56:45H. Foley?

  Somebody grab my umbrella, please? I'm leaving.

• 56:50H. Foley?

  Dude, wait, was he in the distance?

• 56:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:52H. Foley?

  Fuck you.

• 56:54Speaker 01

  I don't, I still don't know how they got this guy to play ball, cause it was like, it was this silhouette of him.

• 56:59H. Foley?

  Oh my.

• 57:00Speaker 01

  And he rode up and stopped, and did that, John.

• 57:03H. Foley?

  Brought the horse up?

• 57:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:05H. Foley?

  That's a good steed right there.

• 57:07Speaker 01

  I was impressed, I'll give you that. But I said, get the fuck up out of here.

• 57:12H. Foley?

  If I was a teenager on a dog.

• 57:14Speaker 01

  We're gonna have a horse in this neighborhood.

• 57:20H. Foley?

  Dog's gonna be pissing all over it.

• 57:22Speaker 01

  I ain't cleaning up that shit no more.

• 57:24H. Foley?

  Just had the goddamn beds re-done. You can't hold that mulch. Fuck that.

• 57:31Speaker 01

  I gotta ask somebody, where the fuck they took us?

• 57:34H. Foley?

  I've told this a million times, but...

• 57:36Speaker 01

  Thanks.

• 57:37H. Foley?

  Boscovs.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  I don't have any money.

• 57:44Speaker 01

  I'm a broke man.

• 57:45H. Foley?

  Boscovs in Wilkes-Barre would have the, they'd send a fake witch across the street from one building to the other.

• 57:52Speaker 01

  Like on a rope or a zip line type thing.

• 57:54H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 57:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:56H. Foley?

  Fucked me up.

• 57:58Speaker 01

  I don't...

• 57:58H. Foley?

  A horse. That's, you can't do that to kids. Wait, your parents weren't with ya? They just put you on a truck full of hay?

• 58:04Speaker 01

  I don't think Denise, I think we got on with my neighbor. I don't think Denise...

• 58:07H. Foley?

  She was probably working or something.

• 58:08Speaker 01

  I don't know. Uh, it was Harold Noher's, picking up side work.

• 58:16Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh, he stinks!

• 58:19H. Foley?

  Ah, fuck.

• 58:20Speaker 01

  How could you?

• 58:23Speaker 01

  Ooh, how could you? He's a big how could you. Oh, how could you? Oh no. Oh no. Denise will hit you with an oh no faster than...

• 58:31H. Foley?

  What if it smelled?

• 58:32Speaker 01

  Oh no. Ooh, I don't do that.

• 58:36Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 58:37H. Foley?

  She like blue cheese?

• 58:42Speaker 01

  What do you think?

• 58:45Speaker 01

  I may, may, maybe. On like a hot wing or something like that? No. Uh, maybe. Maybe like a, maybe, maybe.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:57Speaker 03

  She's not a... What's her favorite condiment? Do you know?

• 59:02H. Foley?

  Water.

• 59:04Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 59:05H. Foley?

  Ketchup.

• 59:06Speaker 01

  I don't think she's a big ketchup guy.

• 59:07H. Foley?

  Get her on the phone! She ain't doing nothing.

• 59:11Speaker 03

  I'd call her up.

• 59:12H. Foley?

  I didn't say that in a derogatory way.

• 59:16Speaker 01

  I don't know. I mean, I mean, call my mom, ask her what her condiment is, favorite condiment.

• 59:20H. Foley?

  Yeah. Mr. Company over here.

• 59:23Speaker 01

  What?

• 59:23H. Foley?

  Getting sure in on the phone. You're really in the C-suite. You're not calling her?

• 59:27Speaker 01

  You want me to call her?

• 59:28H. Foley?

  What the fuck?

• 59:29Speaker 01

  Alright, I'll call her. Hit me up. You ask her to.

• 59:34H. Foley?

  I need a guarantee. I bet you she would.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  No, she wouldn't.

• 59:38H. Foley?

  What are you talking about?

• 59:39Speaker 01

  I know what I'm talking about.

• 59:40H. Foley?

  I'm a safe bet. I'm on the rise. I'm killing it.

• 59:46Speaker 03

  I thought you were about to say I'm on the rocks.

• 59:51Speaker 01

  Allow? She might be, she might have had a doctor's appointment today.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  Let me call you right back. I'm out with Mary Bull.

• 1:00:05Speaker 01

  Hello?

• 1:00:09Speaker 01

  Hello?

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  Uh, one of the kids answered. She's at my sister's house.

• 1:00:17Speaker 01

  They're probably talking shit on me.

• 1:00:19H. Foley?

  Sounds like a Shannon Sharp situation.

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:00:26Speaker 01

  Nah, that was my sister.

• 1:00:29H. Foley?

  Called your sister?

• 1:00:30Speaker 01

  No, she's at my sister's and one of the kids probably has her phone.

• 1:00:34H. Foley?

  You just scared the shit out of that kid.

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  Hello?

• 1:00:36Speaker 03

  Hello?

• 1:00:37H. Foley?

  Yeah. See, now you're scared. You're the headless horseman.

• 1:00:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, right?

• 1:00:41H. Foley?

  The big-headed horseman.

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 1:00:44H. Foley?

  Egg-headed horseman, oval-headed horseman. You have an oval head. We talked about that a couple of weeks ago. Oval.

• 1:00:50Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:00:51H. Foley?

  What's next?

• 1:00:52Speaker 01

  What? Jesus Christ.

• 1:00:54H. Foley?

  Crack the whip, boy.

• 1:00:55Speaker 01

  This guy pivots real quick. Um, this one's from Tom. Do you currently own a scrub daddy? That's a great one. They're classy. I mean...

• 1:01:03H. Foley?

  They're one of the greatest inventions of all time.

• 1:01:06Speaker 01

  We have two of them.

• 1:01:07H. Foley?

  I like them in the shower. I swear to God.

• 1:01:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:09H. Foley?

  They really exfoliate.

• 1:01:11Speaker 01

  Uh, just the name's trashy. I like that guy, but he's a, he's a, he's a dork.

• 1:01:16H. Foley?

  What's his deal?

• 1:01:17Speaker 01

  He's from Philly.

• 1:01:18H. Foley?

  That's Shark Tank, right?

• 1:01:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, from Philly company.

• 1:01:20H. Foley?

  Huh. Shout out to him. Go Birds.

• 1:01:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's just like, anything with daddy on it can't be, you know, is like...

• 1:01:30Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:01:31H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 1:01:32Speaker 01

  Name something, I mean, that's my take.

• 1:01:35H. Foley?

  Daddy Yankee?

• 1:01:37Speaker 01

  I mean, hitmaker, but...

• 1:01:39Speaker 03

  Yeah. Um, Daddy Warbucks?

• 1:01:41H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 1:01:42Speaker 01

  But that was poor people calling him Daddy Warbucks. Right?

• 1:01:49H. Foley?

  Huh. Oh, Daddy Warbucks.

• 1:01:51Speaker 01

  Uh, who you fucking, and now it's who you fucking Daddy Warbuck? Oh, Daddy Warbucks.

• 1:01:54H. Foley?

  Was the guy's name Warbucks?

• 1:01:56Speaker 03

  I believe so.

• 1:01:58Speaker 01

  But to me, that's even, that whole perspective is through a poor person's lens.

• 1:02:02H. Foley?

  Well, Warbucks. Did he make his living, did he make money off the war?

• 1:02:05Speaker 03

  Oliver Warbucks.

• 1:02:07H. Foley?

  Oliver Warbucks.

• 1:02:08Speaker 01

  How's it spelled?

• 1:02:09H. Foley?

  W A R B U C K S?

• 1:02:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:12H. Foley?

  Wow. That was a slight at, uh, the military industrial complex, I believe.

• 1:02:18H. Foley?

  Daddy Warbucks over here. Actually, I have no idea what I'm talking about.

• 1:02:21Speaker 01

  Now, I mean, that's an insult now. Fucking Daddy Warbucks over here. That's someone's going, you're not better than me.

• 1:02:26H. Foley?

  Uh-uh.

• 1:02:27Speaker 03

  He produced munitions and manufactured weapons during World War I.

• 1:02:31H. Foley?

  Holy shit. And his last name was Warbucks?

• 1:02:35Speaker 01

  Oliver Daddy Warbucks.

• 1:02:36H. Foley?

  That seems like a coincidence.

• 1:02:40Speaker 01

  I don't think so.

• 1:02:41H. Foley?

  He was named before he became a munitions manufacturer.

• 1:02:45Speaker 01

  He's a character, right?

• 1:02:46Speaker 03

  He's a fictional character.

• 1:02:47H. Foley?

  I'm aware of that, but still, who the fuck was buying that?

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:02:52H. Foley?

  What? What do you not get?

• 1:02:53Speaker 01

  The whole C-suite thing.

• 1:02:54H. Foley?

  It should have been like McMillan or somebody like that. It would have been some Irish yak that worked his way through Tammany Hall.

• 1:03:01Speaker 03

  He did. He had humble beginnings. He started out working as a foreman in a rolling mill and later owned a small machine shop.

• 1:03:07H. Foley?

  Huh. And then made, started making, uh, bombs to kill the Jerrys. World War I.

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  What did mommy Warbucks look like?

• 1:03:14H. Foley?

  She was out of the picture.

• 1:03:17Speaker 01

  How you doing? Uh, all right, let's see here. This one's great. This one's from RU Besora. $10 homie, longtime listener. Is it trash if you have the most basic, basic insurance on a 2001 Sienna and you get into a car crash on a wet road, knowing you're at fault for not paying attention, yet you tell everybody you just got sideswiped by some random dumb girl who was waiting, and you're waiting on a settlement to fix up your car?

• 1:03:42H. Foley?

  Always.

• 1:03:42Speaker 01

  Love the lie.

• 1:03:43H. Foley?

  Always.

• 1:03:43Speaker 01

  Somebody wasn't paying attention. They were texting, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Not my fault. Keep it moving.

• 1:03:49H. Foley?

  You don't have liability. The best thing that could happen to you is a, is a hit and run. That's the best it's gonna get. Somebody hits you and takes off.

• 1:03:57Speaker 01

  Uh...

• 1:03:58H. Foley?

  Or if you hit somebody...

• 1:03:59Speaker 01

  Then you're covered, right?

• 1:04:00H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:01H. Foley?

  Or...

• 1:04:04H. Foley?

  You know, you accidentally bump into somebody and you don't realize it.

• 1:04:10Speaker 01

  Then you take off, throw your plates, burn the car.

• 1:04:14H. Foley?

  I didn't say anything about that.

• 1:04:15Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:04:16H. Foley?

  But, yeah, that somebody hit, somebody hit me in a parking lot.

• 1:04:19Speaker 01

  That was always if I lived at home and owned and had a car, like if I lived at my, this goes back to take the house. I couldn't have the cheapest insurance.

• 1:04:28H. Foley?

  Oh, no. Yeah, you had, you gotta have liability.

• 1:04:30Speaker 01

  And I was never on the, I had to have my own, I had to get my own thing. I remember it was so fucking expensive. It was like...

• 1:04:36H. Foley?

  What the fuck was wrong with them?

• 1:04:38Speaker 01

  They were like, no, because I'll take the house. So I had to have my own personal policy. They made me carry a huge fucking thing, the liability. I wanted to go to the general. They keep you legal for less. You know what I mean?

• 1:04:50H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 1:04:51Speaker 01

  And I kept going, why can't I just do that? Like, I don't have, it was like $180 a month or something. It was like expensive. And everybody else was on their parents' plan, being like, oh, mine's like $71. And I had to, I'm working at Acme. I gotta come up with a, I'm working at Acme part-time. I gotta come up with 180 bucks a, a month. I was like, I was making probably 100 bucks a, a, a...

• 1:05:12H. Foley?

  Meanwhile, you're the deli man's right-hand man.

• 1:05:15Speaker 01

  Slicing it razor thin.

• 1:05:16H. Foley?

  I'm the number two in cart.

• 1:05:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um...

• 1:05:19H. Foley?

  Pulling. Whoa.

• 1:05:21Speaker 01

  Damn, Bugman on the fritz.

• 1:05:23H. Foley?

  Hey!

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  That's insurance.

• 1:05:24H. Foley?

  No Bugman!

• 1:05:26H. Foley?

  Doesn't exist anymore.

• 1:05:27Speaker 01

  Um... This one's from, uh, AllTheToast, $10 Glugmeister. How often are you drinking straight from a 2-liter? I don't like it. I did it a few days ago out of a DC 2-liter. I don't like it. It doesn't... When it's too full, you don't get a good...

• 1:05:48Speaker 01

  Angle and weight ratio. It's not a comfortable drink.

• 1:05:53Speaker 01

  And usually by the time it gets too low, it's flat. I'm not about it. I'll do it. I've done it. Not my go-to.

• 1:06:05Speaker 01

  Henry?

• 1:06:05H. Foley?

  Sir? It is my absolute favorite thing. And everything you just described. Flat soda or going flat?

• 1:06:18H. Foley?

  About a quarter, half a 2-liter left in the fridge. You know my theory. You know my theory?

• 1:06:26Speaker 01

  Please don't tell me.

• 1:06:28H. Foley?

  What's my theory, Luke?

• 1:06:29Speaker 03

  It's already been discussed.

• 1:06:31H. Foley?

  What is it?

• 1:06:32Speaker 01

  Check the, check every other episode we've ever done.

• 1:06:35Speaker 03

  It's logged into public knowledge.

• 1:06:37H. Foley?

  Everybody knows it? What if somebody's new to the program?

• 1:06:41Speaker 01

  They're not. It's a family episode.

• 1:06:44H. Foley?

  Can I just say it anyway?

• 1:06:45Speaker 01

  Uh-uh.

• 1:06:45H. Foley?

  Insure a rent.

• 1:06:49Speaker 01

  Can I say it without you chiming in?

• 1:06:52H. Foley?

  Go ahead.

• 1:06:54H. Foley?

  Don't fuck this up.

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:06:56H. Foley?

  Don't. So I got a Burger King take. That you told me I can't do.

• 1:07:00Speaker 01

  Shut up.

• 1:07:01H. Foley?

  I figured out what it is. So go ahead. Then say it.

• 1:07:05Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:07:06H. Foley?

  Say my theory!

• 1:07:08Speaker 01

  I, the drinks get colder when there's, uh, when they're already, a portion of them is already drank and you put them back in the fridge.

• 1:07:14H. Foley?

  Yes. And when you get a fucking Pepsi that's a little flat in the middle of the night, when you're dying of thirst, you grab that 2-liter and you feel like the Hulk drinking it. Ooh, so good.

• 1:07:26Speaker 01

  No. Not my cup of tea.

• 1:07:27H. Foley?

  It's trashy.

• 1:07:28Speaker 03

  You have to be so secure when drinking it, too. I do think, like, it's like, it's the plastic, if you do it one-handed, the plastic might go on you. It spills over you.

• 1:07:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, it's, yeah, it's not.

• 1:07:40Speaker 03

  It's, it's a slob move.

• 1:07:42H. Foley?

  Little orphan, orphan nanny? Fucking pommet.

• 1:07:45Speaker 03

  I didn't want to be rude.

• 1:07:46H. Foley?

  You pommet.

• 1:07:47Speaker 03

  It's a slob move.

• 1:07:48H. Foley?

  You one-handed!

• 1:07:49Speaker 01

  That's a great line. It's a slob move.

• 1:07:51H. Foley?

  It's rude.

• 1:07:52Speaker 01

  Daddy, Daddy Slobbucks over here.

• 1:07:56Speaker 01

  All right, we gotta wrap it up. Daddy Slobbucks!

• 1:07:59H. Foley?

  Ah. Gang, brand new special, American Garbage premieres on YouTube September 13th. If you don't subscribe to the YouTube page, do us a favor, go over there and subscribe.

• 1:08:07Speaker 01

  Yay!

• 1:08:08H. Foley?

  It's gonna be a big hit. We want everybody to enjoy it. We love you so much and we'll see you three days.

• 1:08:12Speaker 01

  Peace!