Craig Ferguson!

Are You Garbage presents comedian and podcast host Craig Ferguson! You know Craig Ferguson from stand up comedy, The Late Late Show, Joy, a Podcast, Breaking Bread w/ Tom Papa, Tiger Belly, Late Night Talk Shows, "I'm So Happy" Full Stand-up Special and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Best of AYG: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZL8bt-D-ZN4&list=PLCJp1IfokN9Cy1Hi79LSGAykCKfRDM_y9 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Ridge Wallet: Take advantage of Ridge’s Memorial Day Sale and get UP TO 40% Off right now by going to https://www. Ridge.com/AYG Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/garbage Helix Sleep: Go to https://helixsleep.com/garbage for 27% Off Sitewide + Free Bedding Bundle (Sheet Set and Mattress Protector) with any Luxe or Elite Mattress Order (Exclusive for listeners of Are You Garbage?) Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? #comedypodcasts #comedians #podcastshow #comedypodcasts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Gang, tickets for the Back on the Block Tour are going quick, baby. So get 'em, what a getting is good.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're coming to San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Burlington, Boston, Atlanta, Charlotte, Raleigh, Richmond, Baltimore, Philly, Rochester, and Toronto. All tickets available at areyougarbage.com. We'll see yous on the road.

• 0:17Speaker 02

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:36H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:42Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:43H. Foley?

  It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that they're going to be classy.

• 0:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 0:47H. Foley?

  Or they're just a big old piece of trash.

• 0:49Speaker 03

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 0:49H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toody's in a new addition. She's on her way to J.C. Penney's for a little accident.

• 0:57Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 0:58H. Foley?

  Little slip and fall money gonna be coming here pretty soon.

• 1:01Speaker 03

  Very good.

• 1:01H. Foley?

  My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

• 1:12Speaker 01

  What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. It's the first time that's ever happened. As always, please make sure you're...

• 1:17Speaker 03

  You gotta do something. I mean, you do all that and then it's like that, it's like everybody hates you or something. You gotta go, "Yeah!"

• 1:24H. Foley?

  He's the boss.

• 1:25Speaker 03

  "KJ!" And it's like, "Oh, boo."

• 1:29H. Foley?

  Hang him, I say.

• 1:30Speaker 03

  We get up and leave.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  Patreon.com, check it the fuck out, guys.

• 1:34H. Foley?

  Gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly, special guest here with us today for the first time. He is a legendary stand-up comedian and writer. You can hear him every week on his podcast, Joy, a podcast. He is on his Pants on Fire Tour right now. You can get tickets at thecraigfergusonshow.com. He has a brand-new special out on YouTube. I am so happy that you gotta check out. Of course, he did 185 episodes of The Drew Carey Show.

• 1:59Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:00H. Foley?

  And he was the host of The Late Late Show from 2005 to 2014. Truly, one of the great late-night talk show hosts in history. Give it up for the one, the only, Mr. Craig Ferguson, everybody.

• 2:12Speaker 03

  Yay, thanks, everybody.

• 2:13Speaker 01

  That's someone you clap for.

• 2:14H. Foley?

  That's something you clap for.

• 2:16Speaker 03

  Thanks. I, thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be here.

• 2:19H. Foley?

  We're honored.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  It's an honor to be here. Shall I wear these?

• 2:21Speaker 01

  It's up to you.

• 2:22H. Foley?

  If you want to, yeah.

• 2:23Speaker 03

  I wanna look like I'm a pod...

• 2:24Speaker 01

  You're a goddamn...

• 2:25Speaker 03

  A podcasting.

• 2:27H. Foley?

  You got him on over your eyes.

• 2:28Speaker 03

  Am I a podcasting or an influencer? What's the difference between a podcaster and an influencer? I don't know. Tits.

• 2:34H. Foley?

  Well, we got tits. A nice ass and a bikini.

• 2:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, there you go.

• 2:40H. Foley?

  You're a legend, my friend, an absolute legend. I mean that when I say that, like truly one of the last great late night talk show hosts, man. Unbelievable.

• 2:48Speaker 03

  You know, I think, I think we're, we're a dying breed, the late night talk show. I think this is the way forward, gentlemen. You are the new bastions. You're the, you're the wedge, you're the icebreaker, you're the, you are the, this is the way forward podcast. Cause it, it doesn't exist in the old world anymore.

• 3:04H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 3:05Speaker 03

  It's just going away.

• 3:06H. Foley?

  It's going away.

• 3:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:07H. Foley?

  Time gone by.

• 3:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:09H. Foley?

  Uh, give us the backstory, give us the origin story of Mr. Craig Ferguson.

• 3:12Speaker 03

  Well, I was raised in a swamp by Shrek and Fiona. Uh, I was found in a basket, a basket of reeds. And the Pharaoh's daughter came over. I, I'm from, there was no Pharaoh, I'm from Scotland.

• 3:28H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 3:29Speaker 03

  It's, it's well outside Philly.

• 3:33Speaker 03

  But, but where I am in Scotland, cause I know Philly quite well, obviously, and um, it's not unlike, where I'm from in Scotland, Glasgow in Scotland, it's not unlike Philadelphia.

• 3:42H. Foley?

  Gotcha.

• 3:42Speaker 03

  It's uh, it has a lot of, a lot of gentlemen, look a little like yourselves, you know what I'm saying? Sure. And uh, and it has an enjoyment. Good looking guys. Good looking guys.

• 3:51H. Foley?

  Lot of guys in sweatpants.

• 3:53Speaker 03

  Lot of guys in sweatpants, a lot of guys who enjoy meat and cheese. They gotta check this place out. I'm get, you, I think you'd enjoy it. Do you know what's funny? I, when I, cause also Cleveland is a similar city. Yes. Right. So when I. We're just in Cleveland. Right.

• 4:06H. Foley?

  Man, that's a bad look, Cleveland and Philly.

• 4:09Speaker 03

  Well, it kind of is though. But Cleveland, Cleveland is kinda like a portable Philly. Do you know what I mean? Like Philly's big and Cleveland is like, if you've only got like hand luggage, you take Cleveland. But Cleveland.

• 4:21H. Foley?

  More of a day trip kinda town.

• 4:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, but Cleveland is where Drew Carey is from. Yes. Right, so when Drew and I were, you know, we got to know each other on his show. He, I said to him, you should go to Glasgow, it's like Cleveland. He's like, don't be fucking, fucking, fucking city of Scotland, fuck, that's how he talked back then.

• 4:39Speaker 03

  And then he got into soccer and he went to see a Rangers Celtics game in, in uh, in Glasgow. And he fucking called me up, he went, this is just like Cleveland.

• 4:49H. Foley?

  They got dirtballs here too, look at that.

• 4:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a, it's a whole lot of sports rivalry, but with a little bit of religious sectarianism to make it spicy.

• 4:59H. Foley?

  Keep the tension up a little bit of guilt.

• 5:03H. Foley?

  A little Protestant and Catholic going on, I like it.

• 5:05Speaker 03

  Oh, yes.

• 5:06H. Foley?

  Um, what did your mom and dad do? What kind of house did you grow up in?

• 5:09Speaker 03

  These are garbage questions, right?

• 5:10H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:11Speaker 03

  So, uh, so my, my, my father was a postman.

• 5:14H. Foley?

  Okay, okay.

• 5:15Speaker 03

  But in the course of my life, he went from being, they used to deliver telegrams, right? He was a telegram, like, hey, telegram for, right? So he started off with that when he was a little kid. Uh, and then he, then he goes to the army.

• 5:26H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 5:26Speaker 03

  For a couple of years, then he comes back to the post office and he becomes a postman, like delivering the letters and stuff. But by the time he finishes, he's the, like, the head of the post office in Edinburgh, Scotland.

• 5:36H. Foley?

  Oh, great, okay.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  He goes, he makes a big, long trip, uh, that way, and my mom was a school teacher.

• 5:41H. Foley?

  Your mom was a school teacher? When you say the head of the, he was the head of the?

• 5:44Speaker 03

  He was the king of.

• 5:45H. Foley?

  Really? Like the postmaster general?

• 5:47Speaker 03

  They, he's still on the stamps. Uh, no, no, no, no. He reads everybody's mail, probably. No, he's not on the stamps.

• 5:55H. Foley?

  Yeah, someone's pregnant again.

• 5:57Speaker 03

  Oh, look at what Margaret's been up to. No, the, um, he became the chief inspector of the Edinburgh Post Office, which apparently, I don't know a lot about post office, but that, that.

• 6:08H. Foley?

  Sounds high up to me.

• 6:09Speaker 03

  Chief inspector sounds good, right?

• 6:11H. Foley?

  Was that, was there a big increase in, uh, in his pay? Like, did you guys kind of move up a little bit?

• 6:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, because when I was a kid, like, like a young kid, it was, like, dinner was, like, egg and fries, right?

• 6:21H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 6:22Speaker 03

  Stuff like chicken maybe once, twice a month.

• 6:24H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 6:26Speaker 03

  So meager beginning. Well, yeah, we did, I didn't know it was meager. I mean, chicken once a month. Chicken's pretty good. Yeah, ch- chicken, maybe twice a month. I don't want to overplay it. It wasn't fucking Angela's ashes, right?

• 6:38H. Foley?

  Every Christmas, we got the smell of hamburger.

• 6:40Speaker 03

  That's right. Oh, it's another gather round the potato for Christmas. Everybody just rubs it? Yeah, yeah, that's right, the lucky potato. But, but we were.

• 6:49H. Foley?

  The lucky potato.

• 6:51Speaker 03

  But there were, there were a lot of, uh, I didn't know, I didn't know we didn't have much money. Cause we were surrounded, but we didn't have much, but it wasn't terrible. And my parents weren't alcoholics, so. That's there you go.

• 7:02H. Foley?

  Gotcha. That's pretty good.

• 7:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:04H. Foley?

  Were we in an apartment? Were we in a house? Were we in the city? Were we in the suburbs?

• 7:07Speaker 03

  First we're in, we're in, when I was born, they were in a one bedroom ter- ter- like tenement.

• 7:13H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 7:13Speaker 03

  With my older brother and my older sister. But then after I was born, they moved us out. They used to, there was this thing called New Towns in Britain.

• 7:20H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 7:20Speaker 03

  What happened was, after the Second World War, every, all the cities were bombed. So they had to build new housing just outside the city. Kind of like the projects.

• 7:26H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 7:27Speaker 03

  Right? So we moved out, but the projects, but they were meant to be fancy. They weren't fancy at all. But they said they were fancy so that people would leave the city and go live in them for nothing. So we lived in a little modular house, uh, in, in the projects till I was about seven or eight years old. Then we moved to a slightly larger house in the projects till I was about sixteen, seventeen. Then I leave home, then my parents make a little money and move to an actual house.

• 7:52H. Foley?

  Gotcha.

• 7:52Speaker 03

  So there was a bit of a journey.

• 7:54H. Foley?

  Now, where'd you go when you were sixteen?

• 7:56Speaker 03

  Uh, well, I gotta tell you though, that shit. I, I can't tell you everywhere. Sure. I don't know what the statute of limitations is on that shit, but, um, I joined a band. It was punk rock. I did see that.

• 8:08H. Foley?

  Really?

• 8:08Speaker 03

  You were a drummer? I was a drummer in punk rock bands. So I lived for a long time in the back of a van. No shit. But, you know, well, I actually didn't live there. I mean, I, I shared a room with some guys in a band in the west end of Glasgow, which is a really fucking great neighborhood, still is. Uh, like really kind of before hipsters was in, were invented. Oh, they might have been invented there. Do you know what I mean? It was like, they were poor, but hipsters. You know what I mean? Like they, they liked good music and, but they didn't know what kale was. You know what I'm saying?

• 8:35H. Foley?

  Yeah, I understand.

• 8:35Speaker 03

  So, so they, um, so I, I lived in a kind of shared apartment there with the guys in bands that I was in, and we would travel in, uh, transit vans up and around Britain playing bad music.

• 8:47H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 8:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:48H. Foley?

  What, what are we talking? We talking the eighties, early eighties?

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, we're, I guess nineteen eighty to about eighty-three.

• 8:54H. Foley?

  So you're in the mix. Are you rubbing elbows with like the Ramones or the Misfits or anybody like that?

• 8:58Speaker 03

  No, no, no, man.

• 9:00H. Foley?

  Lower?

• 9:01Speaker 03

  That's a big swing. Were you rubbing elbows with the Ramones? The Ramones were in CBGB's. That was in fucking Margaret's fucking. Pub. Pub, eh, in Falkirk. No.

• 9:14H. Foley?

  The old guys yelling out, "You turn that shit down."

• 9:16Speaker 03

  That's rubbish. Put on Franks and Ettra.

• 9:20Speaker 03

  But they. Did you know the Ramones? Yeah, actually, no, I didn't. But when I was about 21. Okay. So I met a girl who's part of all this crowd and we got married. Okay. And we went to, she liked New York City, so we came to New York City when I was 21. And I was living in the East Village.

• 9:39Speaker 01

  What?

• 9:39Speaker 03

  When I was 21.

• 9:40Speaker 01

  What year is this?

• 9:41Speaker 03

  This is 84, I guess.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  That's when the East Village was the East Village.

• 9:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. There used to be a, it was a fantastic woman who lived nearby. Grandmaster Flash lived in my building.

• 9:52Speaker 03

  It's amazing, isn't it? I mean, it was fucking crazy. He, I remember, because I. Hey, man, I got your mail again. Who's this Grandmaster Flash and why have I got his electricity bill? But he used to have this ankle-length gold lame coat. He would walk around, it was fucking amazing looking.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  He stand out with that.

• 10:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was a really nice guy. Although, I guess he's Grandmaster Flash. Sure. You know, why, why wouldn't you be in a good mood?

• 10:14Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 10:15Speaker 03

  But there was a lady who lived nearby us and I used to hear her every night because she was a waitress in a bar. But the neighborhood was so dangerous that when she was walking home late at night, she was also, she wanted to be an opera singer. So she would walk home singing opera all the way down the block. And the noise would be like, everyone would know she was coming down. If the noise stopped, everybody would look out the window and see she was okay. Yeah, see, we looked after ourselves back there. Talk about olden city. Yeah.

• 10:44Speaker 01

  Jeez, that's genius, though.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  And we were all awake because we all had a cocaine problem. So it was fine. You don't think you'd be. Yeah.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  Thought the cops were after you, looking out the door.

• 10:53Speaker 03

  Who, who, why she stop singing? Is that cops? But I tell you, it was an interesting thing, though. They had this, the day that it started to clean up, the East Village. I remember it was a buddy of mine worked in, I, I worked in construction. Up in Harlem, so we had to take the train across town and then all the way up to Harlem. And one day he says to me, oh, things are going to fucking change. There's going to be construction down here. I'm like, what are you talking about? And then I see, we're, we're hanging around at Avenue B and these Cadillacs draw, all with jersey plates. All these Cadillacs come up and they, all these guys with camel coats come out and they're looking at the buildings and talking and, yeah, you still, you know, that kind of stuff. And then about a week later, there was a big police raid and all the street guys were taking all the street doctor. Yeah, it was almost like they were connected and stuff.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  Almost like it was an orchestrated series of events.

• 11:39Speaker 03

  It's weird, it's fucking weird, man. I don't know why, it was like, it should be on the Wide World of Sports or whatever.

• 11:45H. Foley?

  Uh, let's go back to the childhood. Uh, how were you in school? Were you a good student?

• 11:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was actually, uh, up until I tasted alcohol. So, uh, up until thirteen years old, I'm fucking straight A's. And then-

• 11:59H. Foley?

  That's a hell of a run.

• 12:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, that is not bad. And then when I was thirteen, uh, my friend's older brother, we wanted to go, him to go into a store and get us some beer. Yeah. So, but he was a bad guy. So he goes into the store and he stole the money and only bought, he said- He stole the money? He stole the money, but, but he brought us some alcohol. He said, they didn't have any beer. We're like, we could see it through the fucking window. Said, no, they're out of beer.

• 12:23H. Foley?

  Yes, they're out of beer.

• 12:24Speaker 03

  We're out of beer.

• 12:25H. Foley?

  Scotland's out of beer.

• 12:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, oh, they, they're not making it anymore. I don't know what happened. Apparently it's just against the law. So we're out, he said, they don't have any beer. So he bought us a bottle of this stuff. It was called El Dorado. El Dorado was a fortified South African wine. Um, it, I don't think it's actually legal under the Geneva Convention. It's, it's like, but it was an import, it was a real street alcohol.

• 12:48H. Foley?

  Gotcha.

• 12:49Speaker 03

  So we shared a bottle of that. I blacked out. Sure. And I got arrested. Thirteen. Blacked out, got arrested, pee, woke up in my own pee, all that. I think it was my pee. I mean, I didn't have a check. Fingers crossed. Yeah, yeah, you know, but I got arrested. I punched the local cop, you know, and he was, he was a friend of my dad. But it was fine. Cause I was thirteen. He's a Glasgow cop. He's like, ah, ah, ah, it's funny, you know, um, and they laughed about it, but, but I was, I felt bad. And, and that kinda led me on a very different, that was a fork in the road.

• 13:19H. Foley?

  Gotcha.

• 13:19Speaker 03

  My grades suffered a bit after that. Cause I awoke with a firm resolve never to do that again.

• 13:24H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 13:24Speaker 03

  But- Until about noon. Yeah.

• 13:27H. Foley?

  And no, no university, no college.

• 13:29Speaker 03

  No, I dropped out of high school when I was sixteen. You dropped out of high school when you were sixteen? No high school diploma, no- Was that to work? Was that to be in the band? What was the motive behind that? Well, I wanted to get money. Uh, and, and, and school was, I did have a- It was getting in the way. Uh, well, I had a job when I was at school. When I was fourteen, I used to deliver milk from the back of a flatbed truck. We used to, people used to get, uh, bottles of milk delivered. I don't know why, uh, but they, they did. So I would, there was this flatbed truck that would come in from a farm outside of town, a guy called Bob Klein. And he would pick up me and a couple of other kids and we'd get in the back of his flat, just stand like this in the back of a flatbed truck and he'd drive us around. We'd deliver milk. So I made money that way, but I kept falling asleep in school.

• 14:11Speaker 03

  After that, so when I was 16, I got a job in a factory where I could just like, you know, sleep in the factory. Oh shit, man, that is old school. Yeah, it was a little bit. Damn. You know, and people had, I was telling my kids about this, there was a guy that used to come around our neighborhood when I was a kid, and they were like, there's no fucking way this is true. I'm like, because my kids are American, they've got nice teeth and shit. But I was telling them about it. And a lucky habit. Yeah, but they, there was a, it used to be a guy called the Ragman, that would come around our, our neighborhood. And the Ragman, he had a horse and car, but the car, it wasn't like a Central Park car, it was like, you know, a car with car wheels on it, you know what I mean? Like, like.

• 14:52Speaker 01

  Something from the apocalypse or something.

• 14:54Speaker 03

  Like Bora or something like that, you know what I mean? So he would ride around and he'd blow a trumpet, right? You had this kind of weird like horn or something, he'd go, and we'd all go, oh, it's the Ragman! And we would grab any old pieces of clothes that we could find, and we'd run, and we'd give our clothes to the Ragman, and he would give us a balloon. What the hell was he doing with them? I don't know, I don't know! But we all wanted a balloon from the Ragman, and we, we cleaned out our, our parents' closets.

• 15:21Speaker 03

  Where the hell are all the towels?

• 15:22Speaker 01

  I'm not sure who's getting screwed over in that deal.

• 15:24Speaker 03

  I don't know, I got a lot of fucking balloons. Mind you, I think there was a way to get a balloon off the Ragman without giving him rags, but I never, I never went there. You didn't get on that route.

• 15:37Speaker 01

  What, uh, what were the family vacations like growing up? If any?

• 15:40Speaker 03

  Local.

• 15:40Speaker 01

  Local.

• 15:41Speaker 03

  Local. But, there is a very important one, it was very local, because Scotland's a small country, and everything's near the sea, so you can get to a seaside town, and we used to go to a town called Millport, which was kind of like, exactly what you would think, you know, it's like a working class seaside, you know, it's beautiful countryside, nice people, kind of everybody, you know, from home just goes, it's like the Jersey Shore or something, right? So, we would go there, but once, when I was 13.

• 16:06Speaker 01

  13 is a big year for you.

• 16:07Speaker 03

  It was a fucking big year. This is just before the drinking, actually, maybe just after, I can't remember. But, what happened was, there used to be a guy called Freddie Laker. Freddie, this is fucking true. Freddie Laker and the Ragman. Freddie Laker, they might be the same guy. Freddie Laker was the first guy who started discount airlines, right? Budget airlines. And he start, he used to run a flight, uh, it was like once a week from Prestwick in Scotland to JFK. Now, my dad's brother, my Uncle James, had immigrated to the US when we were kids. And when I was 13, cause I was, my older siblings had had a holiday on their own, like through the school trip and stuff. Like there was time for the school trip and my dad said, do you want to go on the school trip?

• 16:49Speaker 03

  Or do you want to save up, I think it was like 50 bucks? And we can fly to America and see your Uncle James. I'm like, fuck, I'm going to America. So what happened was, when I was 13 years old, we fly from Prestwick in Scotland, which is a big airport in Scotland. Or, you know, an airport, they got a runway and a candy machine. And we fly on a DC 10, Laker Airlines, we land at JFK. So I, the first time I ever see anything outside of Scotland. It's JFK. Is I fucking land in New York City in 1975. That's crazy. And I go to my, I go to my cousins who live in Long Island, my Uncle James, my Aunt Susan and their four kids. They live in Smithtown, Long Island. Wow. And I go there when I'm 13 and we go to a bowling alley.

• 17:34Speaker 03

  And we go to this, but I didn't even know what fucking bowling was. Your mind is blown. I'm fucking like, so you roll the ball towards the big sticks and the sticks fall over and everybody cheers. And they're like, yes. And I was doing it. And they said, try this. And they gave me a root beer. It was a root beer. That's it, I'm American. Root beer over crushed ice. And I was like, whatever the fuck this is, amen. And I swear to God, to this day, if I have the opportunity for root beer over crushed, I'm like, I, I hear the Star Spangled fucking banner. When I, when I have a. Signing up for the Marines. Oh my God. How good is that? That's too funny. I'd never had anything like that. It was unbelievable. It was like when they gave, you know, sugar to native people and stuff. I was like, "Oh, my God."

• 18:17H. Foley?

  Kent, what do you know about Ridge Wallet?

• 18:18Speaker 01

  Shout out to Ridge Wallet, baby. Best in the biz.

• 18:20H. Foley?

  The best in the biz, gang. And here's the good thing. They got the AirTag attachment, so you're not gonna lose it.

• 18:25Speaker 01

  I know.

• 18:25H. Foley?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 18:26Speaker 01

  I feel you, daddy-o.

• 18:27H. Foley?

  There's nothing worse than losing your wallet. Gang, we're talking about the fantastic Ridge Wallet. Do yourself a favor, get over there. We're talking about over 100,000 5-star reviews. We're talking about a lifetime warranty. This is literally the last wallet you're ever gonna buy.

• 18:42Speaker 01

  Yes. Uh, it gives you peace of mind knowing Ridge Wallets all have RFID-blocking technology. That no one...

• 18:49H. Foley?

  RFID.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  If you're in traffic, no one can zoom up and boop, boop, boop, take your info.

• 18:54H. Foley?

  Keep the Chinese out of your shit.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  Uh, like the big man said, losing your wallet is the worst, but you don't have to worry about that anymore. Uh, you'll always know exactly where it is before panic mode kicks in.

• 19:06H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 19:06Speaker 01

  Right now, which big man is currently in panic mode. Right now, Ridge is having their huge Memorial Day sale.

• 19:13H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 19:13Speaker 01

  That's M-D-D-U-B. Get up to 40% off. Just head to ridge.com/AYG to see their biggest sale of the year. One more time, ridge.com/AYG. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about it. Please support the show and tell them the boys sent you. We love you.

• 19:28H. Foley?

  Yeah. Kent, what's on about Shopify, baby?

• 19:31Speaker 01

  Shout out to Shopify.

• 19:32H. Foley?

  Woo, El numero uno Shopify. We're Shopify family, aren't we?

• 19:36Speaker 01

  Well, you better bet your sweet little behind. If you have ever bought merch off AYG, we are a Shopify company.

• 19:43H. Foley?

  And we know we got a lot of hustlers out there, a lot of guys trying to do some side projects. Make that your main project, and Shopify can help you, gang. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world. And 10% of all e-commerce in the United States. Holy cow. That's unbelievable. From household names like Mattel, Jimm Shark, to brands that just got started. We're talking about startups, baby.

• 20:11Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 20:11H. Foley?

  Let's go. Do yourself a favor, get over to Shopify.

• 20:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, tackle all the important tasks in one place. From inventory to payments and analytics and more. Shopify makes the marketing minefield easy with built-in tools for running social media, email campaigns, find new customers, and keep them. If you're looking to grow your business internationally, Shopify has global selling tools that you can sell over 150 countries. Uh, in...

• 20:33Speaker 01

  If you're in person more, if in person is more your thing, Shopify award-winning point of sale, which we use on the road connects you and your offline sales all in one place with 99% up, 99.99% uptime and the best converting checkout on the planet. You'll never miss a sale again. Only shop, only with Shopify. Get all the big stuff for your small business with Shopify. Sign up for $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com/garbage. Go to Shopify.com/garbage, Shopify.com/garbage. Do it.

• 21:01H. Foley?

  Yeah, holy shit. That's all right. Was there a family car back then?

• 21:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, actually there was. There was. I remember that my dad's cars, I had a, he had a Hillman.

• 21:13H. Foley?

  Oh, fuck.

• 21:13Speaker 03

  Oh, man, these are gonna be great. It was like, eh...

• 21:17H. Foley?

  A Hellman?

• 21:17Speaker 03

  A Hillman something. I don't know what it was. My grandpa had a Hillman Imp, which was like a Smart car, but with no engine.

• 21:23H. Foley?

  What?

• 21:25Speaker 03

  And then, it was kinda like-

• 21:26H. Foley?

  It's a go-kart.

• 21:26Speaker 03

  It was like the Ragman thing, but without the horse. It was just the car. And then, um, there was a, we had a Morris Oxford.

• 21:37Speaker 01

  A Morris Oxford?

• 21:38Speaker 03

  A Morris Oxford. Yeah, that's a good-looking car. Look at that fucker up. Uh, about 1968 Morris Oxford.

• 21:44H. Foley?

  Ah, that's a sharp-looking car right there.

• 21:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a good car, right. And then we got a, uh, fuck, now there was one. I can't remember the name.

• 21:51Speaker 01

  That's a good-looking car.

• 21:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's all right. It's a great, I keep trying to find one. You know, do you have guys go over and bringatrailer.com or something like that? Do you know the one I'm talking about?

• 21:57Speaker 01

  I, I very recently went back and bought the first car I ever had was a 1995 Chevy Lumina. I lost it on Bring a Trailer. This guy fucking, he, I mean, it was a piece of shit car, but he went up.

• 22:07Speaker 03

  Facebook Marketplace. That's the way to go. I think Facebook Marketplace. But, the, I, I'm looking-

• 22:12Speaker 01

  He's buying cars on Bring a Trailer and Facebook Marketplace. This guy's a dirtbag. End the show.

• 22:18H. Foley?

  I, I- Aren't you worth like $50 million there on Facebook Marketplace?

• 22:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, never mind that. But I bought- I got, I bought a fucking airstream trailer on Facebook. I love, I love an airstream. No, I fuck, we gotta tell you, this is a great fucking story. So I go on airstream and I'm like. First of all, he's crazy. Yeah. We can all agree he's nuts. So I see this airstream, I'm like, this is fucking beautiful. No, cause Matthew McConaughey has airstreams. But I don't think he got them on Facebook. Yeah. So I see this, and I, I call up the guy and he's like, I'm not going down on the price. I said, never ask you. And I go and see this guy. He'll, I won't tell you what state he's in, but he's living by a lake on an easy, a lazy boy. You know, he has a lazy boy outdoors. Out on the lake. On the lake. And he, he has a trailer that he lives in and the, and the airstream trailer.

• 23:03Speaker 03

  And so I, I, I buy the airstream trailer, but he, he says to me, I'm selling it, cause I've retired. I used to be a nuclear engineer. Whoa. And whenever I was working at a nuclear plant, there's never any fucking hotels. It's cause that, nobody wants to put a hotel next to a nuclear power plant. Sure, alright. So he has this nice airstream trailer and it's great, but well, I took it home. But at night, it fucking lights up. I'm sure, yeah, it's just all that, all that radiation you've been around. No, it doesn't light up, but the rest is true.

• 23:31H. Foley?

  You don't need the stove to cook the eggs.

• 23:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, the rest is true, yeah.

• 23:34H. Foley?

  Holy shit, that's wild.

• 23:37Speaker 03

  Okay, any pets growing up? Yeah, um, I, we had a, a goldfish called Goldie. Okay.

• 23:43H. Foley?

  Fair enough.

• 23:43Speaker 03

  I mean, they don't last that long, do they? This one lived to be nine.

• 23:47H. Foley?

  You had a nine?

• 23:48Speaker 03

  A nine-year-old goldfish. Jesus Christ. I mean, and. Did you keep him in the airstream? I tell, I tell you what as well, that, when that fish died, it was fucking delicious.

• 23:59H. Foley?

  Eating good tonight, boys.

• 24:01Speaker 03

  Oh, finally the fish has died. Kill the potato one, we'll feast.

• 24:06H. Foley?

  What about the holiday? Was, was that it? Just the goldfish? No dogs?

• 24:10Speaker 03

  No, no, we had a, we had a, we had dogs, uh, we had a very aggressive, uh, uh, West Highland terrier that bit a kid outside the supermarket and went to live on the farm. And then, uh, uh, we had a guinea pig called Olga that lived for a long time as well.

• 24:26H. Foley?

  Guinea pigs?

• 24:27Speaker 03

  In the house? Uh, yeah, yeah, but not like roaming free in the house, like in a cage. Not like, oh, a guinea pig. Oh, children, that's not a rat. It's a guinea pig. Uh, awesome. You said first job, what was the first concert you went to? On that vacation.

• 24:42Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ.

• 24:43H. Foley?

  What, in New York?

• 24:43Speaker 03

  In Smithtown.

• 24:45H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 24:45Speaker 03

  My cousins say, "Hey, do you want to go and see a rock and roll show?" I'm like, "Yes, please." So they take me to see a band called Blue Oyster Cult.

• 24:55H. Foley?

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 24:56Speaker 03

  I'm fucking telling you.

• 24:57H. Foley?

  In 1975?

• 24:58Speaker 03

  1975.

• 24:59H. Foley?

  Holy shit.

• 25:00Speaker 03

  And I smelled this.

• 25:01Speaker 01

  Was it a big venue, small venue?

• 25:02Speaker 03

  That was a big venue. I felt like it was big.

• 25:04H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 25:04Speaker 03

  I mean, I kind of even know.

• 25:05H. Foley?

  They would've been huge by then.

• 25:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, so, uh, Blue Oyster Cult, 1975, somewhere in the Smithtown region of Long Island. I don't know where.

• 25:12H. Foley?

  Whoa. What was the odor that you smelled? Incense?

• 25:14Speaker 03

  I don't know. It was some kind of incense or something, but, but I, I kind of, I was, I was to smell that smell again, gentlemen.

• 25:22Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 25:22Speaker 03

  It occurred in my life again. And it's still, to this day, when I'm riding my city bike around New York, I still get a whiff of it.

• 25:28H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 25:29Speaker 01

  What, uh, was, were you into music at this time? Like yourself, were you playing the drums?

• 25:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I was already drumming, yeah. I, I, I was, uh, but things, it was just in that kind of period for British kids. I mean, I think in America it was different, but, uh, it was just in that period just before punk rock kicked off. It kicked off in Britain kind of with the Damned and the Sex Pistols and stuff. And that was around about 70, late 76, 77.

• 25:54H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 25:55Speaker 03

  So I was about 15 when all that started. So it was like perfect, just for that. So it kind of, even now, I think, all that attitude, which is way out of date. I mean, kids now say, "I'm looking forward to having a career in comedy," but gosh darn it, I'm gonna have a TV show and stuff. Like, I fucking don't, I still don't understand that. I'm like, "Burn it all fucking down!" And, and, and I don't even mean it, but I kind of think it. It's weird.

• 26:20H. Foley?

  The attitude's still in ya.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  It, it seems to be, and I, I don't think it's served me well, to be honest. I, I think it's.

• 26:26H. Foley?

  You did pretty good.

• 26:27Speaker 03

  Well, I, I suppose you're right, but, you know, I could've done better.

• 26:34H. Foley?

  Oh, that's too funny. Who got you the first drum set? Do you remember?

• 26:37Speaker 03

  It was my older brother's. He had a drum kit. I don't know where he got it, but he had a drum kit. There wasn't Facebook marketing. He may have got it from the ragman. I'm not quite sure, but that he, uh...

• 26:47Speaker 01

  What do you gotta do to the ragman to get a drum set?

• 26:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, he's a, he's a very attractive man, my brother. That's all I'm saying. He always has been.

• 26:54H. Foley?

  Lot of therapy after that one.

• 26:56Speaker 03

  But he, um, he had his own cat. He kinda lost interest in it, and I, I just...

• 27:01Speaker 01

  Just around the house?

• 27:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I was just like, bat it all.

• 27:03H. Foley?

  And how was your folks about you playing and practicing? Did it drive them crazy? Or they supportive?

• 27:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, no. Well, in a way, they were supportive in the sense that, um, if I, if I joined a band and then we started like rehearsing in, in like church basements and stuff like that, then my dad would get the drums into the Morris Oxford and drive me there.

• 27:23H. Foley?

  Okay. When he saw you doing something with it?

• 27:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. No, they were, they were trying to...

• 27:27H. Foley?

  Not just playing for the guinea pig?

• 27:28Speaker 03

  No, no. The guinea pig was dead, sadly. She was also delicious.

• 27:36H. Foley?

  Oh, that's funny. And then when did you start comedy? You said you came here when you were 21. Is that, did you go back after that?

• 27:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, my visa ran out. I didn't wanna get into trouble with immigration, cause I thought if I ever really wanna come here, I don't wanna fucking end up getting into trouble, so...

• 27:51H. Foley?

  Right.

• 27:52Speaker 03

  So I left before my visa ran out. Uh, but there used to be, the first time I ever appeared on a stage, I mean, I started doing comedy back there later, but first time I ever did comedy was a punk rock venue in London. They were having a festival of Scottish punk rock bands and all these Cockney punks were there. I was about 18 or 19 years old and, and I was the drummer in one of the bands, and the lead singer said, "We have to change equipment between the bands, so you go out and do, be funny to these Cockney punks." I'm like, "What the fuck are you talking about?" Like, I had no background, no... Stand-up comedy didn't exist in Britain then. It was only potatoes. That's all about it.

• 28:31Speaker 03

  And, and so I went out on the stage. I wore a kilt, cause I thought that'd be funny and good, and I was wearing a kilt and...

• 30:46Speaker 03

  An American guy called Rick Siegel, who was my manager, who became my manager, he saw me there. And he was like, you should come to America, you've cleaned up your act, you've dropped 25 pounds, fuck it, come over and I'll see if I can get you a gig. And I came over for two weeks in November 1994 and I'm still here.

• 31:02H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  No shit.

• 31:03H. Foley?

  Damn. What did you move to when you came over? Did you go to LA or here?

• 31:06Speaker 03

  Los Angeles, yeah.

• 31:07H. Foley?

  You went to LA?

• 31:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, I got a, I got, because I would have come here.

• 31:10H. Foley?

  Right.

• 31:11Speaker 03

  Because this is where I, I knew, but I went out to LA and they offered me a job. My first job was doing a sitcom that lasted like, uh, 20, I only lasted 10.

• 31:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:21Speaker 03

  Uh, but.

• 31:22Speaker 01

  They used to come and go back in that day. The mid-season replays, I mean, it was like, they greenlighted two, you get two episodes.

• 31:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's right.

• 31:30Speaker 01

  The next thing.

• 31:30H. Foley?

  Wait, so how long had you been doing stand-ups when you came over here?

• 31:33Speaker 03

  Uh, well, since I was, I mean, I'd been doing it in Britain and stuff, it always, it always.

• 31:37H. Foley?

  10, 15 years or something?

• 31:38Speaker 03

  I had this, I kind of missed this bit out. I had this character I used to do called Bing Hitler, right? And I used to do this character, I thought it'd be funny.

• 31:48Speaker 01

  Different time, man, different time.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  Do you know, it was kind of funny.

• 31:51Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 31:52Speaker 03

  It was pretty funny.

• 31:52H. Foley?

  Like Bing Crosby and Hitler?

• 31:54Speaker 03

  Uh, no, I mean, that, yes, with the name thing, but it was, there was no real reference to it. He was actually just a Scottish guy. That was just his name. But there was nothing in it about Nazis or, or crooning. It was just, it was just a, a, a kind of weird character.

• 32:09H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 32:10Speaker 03

  And, and I did that, and that was pretty successful. That did well.

• 32:13H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 32:14Speaker 03

  Um, so I'd been doing that and that, that was kind of going all the time, kind of came and went. I made a couple of albums with, with that as well, because we used to do comedy albums.

• 32:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know.

• 32:22Speaker 03

  Before comedy podcasts, but comedy albums. And you could write 25 minutes every four years and, you know, you'd be fine.

• 32:30H. Foley?

  And there you go.

• 32:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:31H. Foley?

  And then where did you land in LA? Were you working at the store? Where were you?

• 32:34Speaker 03

  No, I didn't, see, when I got to LA, I stopped doing stand-up.

• 32:37H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 32:37Speaker 03

  Uh, because I, I kind of didn't know what to do.

• 32:40H. Foley?

  And went out as an actor?

• 32:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I got a job with, I got a job with like, my third edition with, uh, Betty White and Maria Osmond on a show called Maybe This Time. And I became frien, I became friends with both of these women.

• 32:54H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 32:55Speaker 03

  They're both fucking, well, Betty's gone now, but they're both fucking great. And Betty, you know, who was on my late night show every week when I was there doing it, she and I stayed friends right until she died. And she was the, she was unbelievably nice to me when I, I like, I turned up and I like, no fucking idea what I was doing. And she would, she was nice to me, she talked to me. She had great chops, too. Oh, my gosh.

• 33:16H. Foley?

  This is multi cam sitcom, studio, LA?

• 33:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, old school stuff, yeah.

• 33:20H. Foley?

  So do you call back home and you're like, you know, we're getting there, we're making it?

• 33:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're like, oh, that's nice. Yeah, they can't really wrap their head around it. Yeah, your brother's got a damaged testicle, he's going for an operation. Like, okay, fine.

• 33:34H. Foley?

  Goldie died.

• 33:35Speaker 03

  Yeah. Goldie, Goldie, Goldie two is doing okay.

• 33:40H. Foley?

  Holy shit.

• 33:40Speaker 03

  That's wild, man.

• 33:42H. Foley?

  Man, that's crazy. And then what started to, how far removed are we from the Drew Carey show?

• 33:48Speaker 03

  We're pretty close now. I mean, what happened was that I do this show and it's not working. And you know, back then, when the shows weren't working, they would try other things. Like, they'd add people into it. So they, they kinda... They did do that. Yeah. Just make him an alien, put a baby in, do something.

• 34:03Speaker 03

  That's right. So they added a hot, young, stand-up comic to the cast of maybe this time. A young gentleman called Dane Cook.

• 34:13H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 34:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, Dane was just starting out. So Dane comes out and he was as sweet as anything and funny as fuck. I mean, he was great. And he came in and he started, he was getting all the shit that I was getting. I was like, fucking writing's on the wall for me.

• 34:28Speaker 03

  So I, I didn't know you couldn't do this, so I quit. I quit a sitcom, which was like crazy. It was like Disney TV. And there was a guy called Dean Valentine, uh, who was the head of, and he was like meant to be really super scary and stuff like that. And I said to him, I want to quit. This is not working for me. This show's not going to work for me. That's insane to do at that time. Yeah, yeah, that, yeah, it was nuts. Uh, and he said, he said, okay. And, and he let me quit, which you didn't have to do. You could have kept me there. And what happened was that I had to look for another job. I've told this story before, but I'll tell it quickly for you. So I get this audition. I'm going on auditions and, and my buddy from Scotland is there, a guy, my oldest friend. And we're just kind of tooling around. I get this call to go for an audition.

• 35:12Speaker 03

  So I said, send me the sides. They used to send you like little bits of paper with your lines on it. So he sent me the sides and it's for a sitcom called Suddenly Susan with Brooke Shields.

• 35:20H. Foley?

  Of course, yes.

• 35:21Speaker 03

  And the sides, the sides are for a part, the part of the, uh, Hispanic photographer. I'm like... The fuck?

• 35:30Speaker 01

  I'm good at acts. I can do Hitler. I can't, I can't do Spanish.

• 35:33Speaker 03

  I said, I can do German. I can do Siswan. Farewell, cancer photographer be from Germany.

• 35:38Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 35:39Speaker 03

  Um, so I'm like, I'm, I'm not even gonna fucking go for this. And my buddy who's there, he's like, what, what the fuck else are you doing? You needed in surgery, doctor? Go to fucking audition.

• 35:48Speaker 01

  It's always that story, yeah.

• 35:49Speaker 03

  So I go to the audition and everybody in the, there's all these actors waiting. I said, everybody looks like Antonio Van Der.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  Right? And I'm, I'm like, oh, for fuck's sake. And I go in and the Warner Brothers casting people are there. And so I, I try and do the lines. Everybody's there and they're all doing it. And I try and do the lines with my best, you know, Mexican accent, which I'm not gonna fucking do.

• 36:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:11Speaker 03

  All right. But I sound, I sound like fucking, you know, Shrek and Speedy Gonzales, right? And I do, I fucking do this. And they're laughing their asses off and it's not working, but I'm laughing at it too. And at the end of it, uh, the casting guy says, look, I, obviously this is some kind of mistake. I went, no shit. And he said, oh, you don't think, do you? Yeah. And then he said to me, he said, but, he said, the Drew Carey show is looking for an English boss. Can you do an English accent? And I said, si, senor, yes, I can.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  This guy's a pro.

• 36:43Speaker 03

  Yeah. And that's how, and I went in to do the Drew Carey show for like one episode and then that became three episodes. And then Drew was like, you wanna, you wanna stay? And I'm like, uh, yeah.

• 36:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do. Cause I was really, I, I like, I remember I've told this before. I was, I had 27 cents left. I, I don't know. After quitting the Betty White show? Yeah, I'd spent all. And, and the. On what? You never. Fair enough. Yeah.

• 37:08Speaker 01

  What am I, a trial?

• 37:10Speaker 03

  What are you, a fucking cop? Was a library piece. Um, so I just got through it. I don't know why, actually. You're right. I don't know why I got through. Cause by that time I'm not doing drugs. I'm not drinking. I don't know what the fuck I spent it on. Right, okay. But it went, probably, if my guess is right, probably representation.

• 37:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:26Speaker 03

  You know what I'm saying?

• 37:27Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 37:27Speaker 03

  Certainly back then.

• 37:28Speaker 01

  Also, it's like, at that time too, you get a check at, through that. It's like half the taxes, managers, agents.

• 37:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  It's all, you, you end up getting like 22% of it.

• 37:38H. Foley?

  And where were you living right before you got the Drew Carey Show? Were you, were you, so you were?

• 37:42Speaker 03

  I had a-

• 37:43H. Foley?

  You didn't have a lot of, you didn't have money saved up?

• 37:45Speaker 03

  No, I had a rental place in Hollywood.

• 37:47H. Foley?

  By yourself?

• 37:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:48H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 37:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, and then I met a girl, you know?

• 37:51H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 37:52Speaker 03

  She moved in and then we got married.

• 37:54H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 37:54Speaker 03

  And, and, and, and we're not married.

• 37:58H. Foley?

  I understand.

• 37:59Speaker 03

  But we got married, we were married for a few years and we had a, I had my first kid.

• 38:04H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 38:05Speaker 03

  And, and he was born and, uh, that, that all happened around about that time.

• 38:10H. Foley?

  That's nuts.

• 38:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:11H. Foley?

  That was it.

• 38:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:13H. Foley?

  The fucking-

• 38:13Speaker 03

  Drew Carey Show, yeah, yeah, it changed my life, that thing.

• 38:16H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 38:17Speaker 03

  And I don't know if you've ever had 27 cents in a bank account, but you can't-

• 38:20H. Foley?

  Yes, we have.

• 38:21Speaker 03

  Well, you can-

• 38:21H. Foley?

  In my 40s.

• 38:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:22H. Foley?

  I'm 49 now.

• 38:23Speaker 03

  You can't get it out.

• 38:24H. Foley?

  No.

• 38:24Speaker 03

  It costs a fucking dollar to get your 27 cents out?

• 38:28H. Foley?

  Yeah. This is all very new to us.

• 38:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys are doing great, look at you, you got a fucking table.

• 38:34H. Foley?

  You got a table? This is from Ray Moore and Flanagan too. His microphones aren't even on.

• 38:39Speaker 03

  Look at this shit, that's amazing.

• 38:42H. Foley?

  Holy shit. Now, okay, sorry. I was gonna say, even though, okay, so you'd just gotten married, you had, you had a kid.

• 38:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:49H. Foley?

  But when you started getting those kinda checks on a 90's sitcom.

• 38:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, good times.

• 38:58H. Foley?

  What was that like? Now, you had, you had quit drinking, you'd, you'd put your past behind you.

• 39:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:03H. Foley?

  Was there any, was there a crazy big purchase? Or what was that like? A house, a car.

• 39:09Speaker 03

  I bought, I bought a house.

• 39:10H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 39:11Speaker 03

  Uh, and then during this time, I, I, I wrote a movie.

• 39:16H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 39:16Speaker 03

  I used to write movies in my trailer. Like Norm MacDonald got arrested, but he was, he used to, he was doing a sitcom across the way. I liked Norman.

• 39:23H. Foley?

  Right.

• 39:23Speaker 03

  Lovely man, and he said, he would, he would be out smoking cigarettes and I'd be in writing movies in my trailer. And he said, I didn't realize what a- Burning furnace of ambition you were. I thought you were just like unsociable.

• 39:38Speaker 03

  But I would write these movies and one of the movies did really well. It's a movie called Saving Grace and it was about a lady who.

• 39:46Speaker 01

  That's not bad.

• 39:47Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's about a middle aged lady who grows marijuana in her greenhouse to get herself out of financial trouble. And it did well and I made a bit of money. So I bought a house in the Hollywood Hills, but I made a little more money. So I also bought an apartment in Paris.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  Bought an apartment in Paris?

• 40:06H. Foley?

  Did you?

• 40:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:08Speaker 01

  That's what it's all about, baby.

• 40:10Speaker 03

  Now, if we stopped there, that'd be great.

• 40:14Speaker 03

  But, but after, when I got divorced again.

• 40:19Speaker 03

  Do you know that thing as well, when they say you lose half your stuff? That's people who haven't been divorced.

• 40:24H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 40:24Speaker 03

  You lose all your stuff.

• 40:26H. Foley?

  Kevin's talking about Helix mattress.

• 40:28Speaker 01

  Oh, I just rolled out of a Helix.

• 40:29H. Foley?

  I'll tell you right now, you want an endorsement about a product? Helix mattress, I'm having a hard time getting out of it.

• 40:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:36H. Foley?

  That's how good it is.

• 40:37Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 40:38H. Foley?

  I call it my dream machine. Uncle Hank has been snuggled up in that thing. Man, and I swear to God, it's probably like two years old. I feel like it's gotten better.

• 40:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:49H. Foley?

  I mean, dude, I'm in there.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  It's like fine wine, baby.

• 40:51H. Foley?

  Buddy, I'm in there. I put the, I put the, the sleep machine on. I got the CPAP going, the AC. I don't want to leave that. That's where I want, that's my happy place, is my Helix mattress.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 41:03H. Foley?

  Gang, whether you sleep hot, whether you sleep cold, sleep on your side, sleep on your back. Helix has a mattress for you. They've been with us forever and we absolutely love them. And I'm telling you, if you want the best night's sleep of your life, get yourself a Helix mattress.

• 41:16Speaker 01

  Amen, baby. That's, uh, go to helixsleep.com/garbage for 27% off site wide. Plus a free bedding bundle, which is a sheet set and a mattress protector. And let me tell you, the mattress protector comes in the A and D. With any luxe or elite mattress order, baby. That's 27% off site wide, plus free bedding bundle, sheet set and mattress protector with any luxe or elite mattress order. One more time, helixsleep.com/garbage.

• 41:41H. Foley?

  Do it.

• 41:42Speaker 04

  Your sausage McMuffin with egg didn't change. Your receipt did. The sausage McMuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just $5. Only at McDonald's for a limited time.

• 41:54Speaker 05

  Price and participation may vary. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing.

• 41:56H. Foley?

  So you lost the apartment in Paris?

• 41:58Speaker 03

  Yes, sir.

• 42:00Speaker 03

  And, that's alright.

• 42:01H. Foley?

  Woo!

• 42:02Speaker 03

  It really is alright, I mean...

• 42:03H. Foley?

  Now, this is before The Late Late Show?

• 42:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:06H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 42:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:07Speaker 01

  What year's The Late Late Show? 2000, we were looking at 2005.

• 42:10Speaker 03

  2005 I started.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  You started.

• 42:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, 2004 they had that kind of like competition like, you know, are you smarter than a 5th grader or whatever it was to try and win the job?

• 42:21H. Foley?

  Now, from that one divorce, did that kind of set you back to, not 27 cents, but did it set you back to somewhat?

• 42:27Speaker 03

  Close, close to 27 cents.

• 42:29Speaker 01

  Shit, this is nuts. We need a job quick stat.

• 42:33Speaker 03

  Now, this, now I have a little kid too.

• 42:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:36Speaker 03

  So, and now I need a job, but I also need a job that keeps me in town because I don't want to disappear on this kid.

• 42:41Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 42:41Speaker 03

  So, you know, so now, I gotta, I gotta raise my kid, I gotta find a job, and I, this time, I'm working in independent film and, you know, you have to leave town 6 weeks at a time, 8 weeks at a time, and I, you know, and I'm looking for a job that's in town. And then, I'm doing an independent movie in Winnipeg, Canada. And I get a call, and somebody says to me, hey, it was my, my rep at the time said, hey, you, you, uh, you've been on The Craig Kilborn Show a few times, haven't you? I went, yeah, do you want me to do it again? He said, no, he's, he, he just quit. They're like, I was like, what? He quit, so they're having a kind of runoff, and they want you to try out for it. I'm like, get the fuck out. Yeah, alright, fuck it, I never even thought about it.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  Jesus.

• 43:23Speaker 03

  But it's a job that's in town, and I never...

• 43:26Speaker 01

  That's like, that's a cushy job in showbiz.

• 43:28Speaker 03

  Yes, it is.

• 43:29Speaker 01

  And it's hard work, it's day in, day out, but...

• 43:31Speaker 03

  It's hard work.

• 43:32Speaker 01

  I'm just saying, it's not, you know, but, uh, yeah, I mean, that's like, you're in town.

• 43:36Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  Set hours.

• 43:37Speaker 03

  Yep, yep.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  Rate check.

• 43:38Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 43:39Speaker 01

  Same place.

• 43:39Speaker 03

  And I had this little kid at the time, so, like, it's funny how the perception people have of your life, like, like, they're like, oh, you're living this big fancy show business life. So, I had a, I had a, uh, my Sylvia the nanny, uh, looking after my toddler while I'm on stage, and I got off, I changed his diaper, put him in the baby seat, drive home to daddy's bachelor pad, where, you know, me and him are, that's, that's what we were doing.

• 44:03H. Foley?

  Man, that is fucking something else.

• 44:04Speaker 03

  It's crazy, isn't it?

• 44:05H. Foley?

  That's unbelievable.

• 44:06Speaker 03

  But, you know, then the show starts to be a hit, and then, you know, things change a little bit.

• 44:10H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 44:10Speaker 03

  You know, yeah.

• 44:11H. Foley?

  That's alright, pretty good.

• 44:13Speaker 03

  But, what did happen that time is right down when I was broke and I was just starting in the show, I meet a girl, and...

• 44:20Speaker 01

  We get married.

• 44:22H. Foley?

  Did you?

• 44:22Speaker 03

  I did.

• 44:23H. Foley?

  The 3rd time?

• 44:24Speaker 03

  3rd time, but here's what happens, we're still married!

• 44:27Speaker 01

  Yay!

• 44:30Speaker 03

  We're still married. So I've got this little kid and I meet this girl and she's like, she's like beautiful and she takes care of him, she takes care of us and she comes into our lives and everything gets different, everything gets different.

• 44:42Speaker 01

  Holy shit.

• 44:43Speaker 03

  And we're still married.

• 44:44H. Foley?

  Got another place in LA while you're doing the Late Late Show?

• 44:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, we got another place.

• 44:48H. Foley?

  You're doing alright.

• 44:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, I did buy another place in Paris though.

• 44:51H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  What was the, what year of that, you know, you start in 2005, do you get like a one year contract? Like when are you like, alright, I'm set now as moving forward?

• 45:04Speaker 03

  I don't know that I ever felt. I don't, I mean, well, I got the, I got the con, what they did was at the time, the contract, you had to sign the contract before you even tried out for it. So the first year they just.

• 45:16H. Foley?

  Oh, that's right.

• 45:17Speaker 01

  So you're going, I'll take, give me 1500, I'll work for scale, give it to me.

• 45:20Speaker 03

  Exactly. So you take nothing for the first year. But then if the show does well, like even although you're, you're only meant to get a certain amount for the second year, now at this point, everyone's like, well, this is doing pretty well. And the good thing as well is that, you know, I'm working for Worldwide Pants, who are actually a great company. That's, that's Letterman.

• 45:41H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 45:41Speaker 03

  And Rob Burnett was working then and he, he was running the company and it really worked out and it just, it kind of like came together a little more. And because of, I worked for Worldwide Pants, I was very protected from the corporate world of.

• 45:56H. Foley?

  Because of Letterman.

• 45:57Speaker 03

  Because Dave, Dave's fucking massive cahonies. I was just hiding behind Dave. I go, Dave, they're trying to get me to do something. He's like, well, we got some music for that, Paul.

• 46:09Speaker 01

  Holy shit, man. Talk about a rise. That is something else. And then, so you said you're living here now?

• 46:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:17Speaker 01

  Do you have, do you still have a house in LA?

• 46:19Speaker 03

  No.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  No house in LA, just New York?

• 46:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, New York.

• 46:22H. Foley?

  Just New York?

• 46:23Speaker 03

  Let's say yes.

• 46:24H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 46:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, I, I might have a little place out of town, you know, sometimes when the city gets a little hot.

• 46:31Speaker 01

  Buddy, we completely get it. We appreciate it. Okay.

• 46:35Speaker 03

  But most of the time, well, actually, less than 182 days a year in New York City. Just in case anyone from the IRS.

• 46:44Speaker 01

  They're not listening. And what part of town are you in in New York?

• 46:49Speaker 03

  Well, have you guys heard of the Upper East Side?

• 46:51H. Foley?

  Yeah, of course. It's the first place I lived when I moved up here.

• 46:54Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 46:55H. Foley?

  Yeah, 81st and 1st.

• 46:56Speaker 03

  It's pretty close.

• 46:58Speaker 01

  I don't think it's the same apartment.

• 47:00Speaker 03

  81st and 1st is very close to the Comic Strip.

• 47:03H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 47:04Speaker 03

  The Comic Strip, there used to be, when I was here when I was 21, and I was kind of thinking about, I'd done the Cockney thing. You remember that?

• 47:12Speaker 03

  So I thought, when I was here, I thought, I'd love to try stand-up comedy again, see how it worked. And there used to be a thing at the Comic Strip, there was a guy who's died now, but it was a guy called Lucian Holt. He was in charge of all that, and I, there used to be a, you would go up there at 10 a.m. on a Monday morning and get a, there would be all these stand-up comedians waiting outside, these kids, and you would take a lottery ticket out of a basket, and if your number was called, they would pick 10 people every Monday morning.

• 47:41H. Foley?

  We've been in those lines, yeah.

• 47:42Speaker 01

  They still did it up until like 8, 10 years ago.

• 47:45Speaker 03

  Alright, so you pull the ticket, and if you get called, the following Monday, you get a spot, and it's kind of like an open to the mic spot. And I pulled the ticket, I didn't get called, and I, so I said to the guy, the barman who was running it, the guy was just behind the bar, he was like, I said, "What, what do I do with this then? Do I, do I come back next week and try again?" He said, "Where are you from?" I said, "Scotland," and he went, "Oh, I gotta fucking see this." Alright, so he put me in, and I got a spot the following week, and I did okay.

• 48:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:16Speaker 03

  I did okay, I got a few laughs, and so they asked me back the following week to do it again. Now, this time I'm starting to get worried, because I can't earn any money, because I don't have that visa, so I go back the next week, and, and it was okay, everything worked out fine, because I was shit, and they said, "Yeah."

• 48:35Speaker 01

  This guy's a flash, you're paying at best.

• 48:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:38H. Foley?

  So, is your, was it a son or a daughter you had with your second wife?

• 48:42Speaker 03

  A son, two kids.

• 48:44H. Foley?

  You have two kids?

• 48:45Speaker 03

  Two boys.

• 48:45H. Foley?

  With the same mom, or different mom?

• 48:47Speaker 03

  Different moms.

• 48:48H. Foley?

  Okay. How far apart are they?

• 48:50Speaker 03

  About nine and a half years.

• 48:52H. Foley?

  About nine and a half years. So what are the vacations like now? What kind of stuff do you guys like to do?

• 48:58Speaker 03

  Fuck you, man.

• 49:00H. Foley?

  This is what we wanna hear.

• 49:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, fuck you.

• 49:04Speaker 03

  I'm not sounding like some fucking asshole.

• 49:06H. Foley?

  What are you talking about? You earned every dime of it. You were selling milk on the back of a horse cart.

• 49:13Speaker 03

  That is fucking true.

• 49:14H. Foley?

  Yeah, what do you mean?

• 49:15Speaker 03

  Alright, so vacations are a little better now. You went 12 rounds with the rag bag.

• 49:18H. Foley?

  Vacations are a little better.

• 49:20Speaker 03

  That's right, yeah, I got a lot of balloons.

• 49:23Speaker 03

  Um, you know, the vacations are a little different.

• 49:26H. Foley?

  What do you like? What do you like to do?

• 49:27Speaker 03

  Do you like the beach? You know, the truth is, we, we kinda don't take a ton of vacations.

• 49:32H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 49:33Speaker 03

  Cause we, we have a place out of town that we go to that is right next to the beach.

• 49:37H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 49:38Speaker 03

  Uh, you know.

• 49:41Speaker 03

  I don't think you're talking about Wildwood, New Jersey. Fuck you guys, fuck this.

• 49:49H. Foley?

  Is this a little fishing town as well?

• 49:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's, it's a little, it's a little place.

• 49:55H. Foley?

  Is there an economy airline close by?

• 49:59Speaker 03

  Maybe, they fly over. I'm trying to rework the flight patterns too. Talking to my congressman. No, I only own the airspace to 40,000 feet.

• 50:10H. Foley?

  You get that thing up high, you go by my house. Holy shit.

• 50:14Speaker 03

  No, what, what we do is we tend to kinda go there or, or in New York. I mean, it's not, I don't go on a lot of vacations. I, I, it's funny, Jay Leno's a pal of mine, I know, you guys know Jay, but Jay, right. No, I don't know, we do not, I know who he is.

• 50:29H. Foley?

  Oh, know who he is, yeah, no. We're not hanging out in the garage or whatever.

• 50:32Speaker 03

  Well, Jay and I, occasionally I'll do gigs with, uh, Jay Leno and Arsenio Hall. We'd go out and do gigs. That's sick. Funny.

• 50:39H. Foley?

  Shit.

• 50:39Speaker 03

  Funny as shit, love fucking doing it.

• 50:41H. Foley?

  Damn, that's gotta be fun.

• 50:42Speaker 03

  It's always casinos.

• 50:44H. Foley?

  That's awesome.

• 50:45Speaker 03

  It's always casinos.

• 50:46H. Foley?

  I love it.

• 50:47Speaker 03

  But these guys are fucking great. I mean, you talk about fucking pros, they're amazing.

• 50:51H. Foley?

  Talk about knowing where the money is, the casinos, let's go.

• 50:54Speaker 03

  Jesus. So, they, um... But Jay and, uh, he's kind of a blue collar guy. Yeah. Came up, you know. Yeah, sure. And, and, and he was like, eh, take vacation. What the fuck am I gonna do on vacation? I tried it once, it was fucking terrible. Sitting on the beach, trying to read a book.

• 51:12H. Foley?

  Yeah, the story where, where, you know, it was sad when he fell down the hill not that long ago. It was in front of like an Econo Lodge that he was staying at. I'm like, why is Jay Leno staying at an Econo Lodge?

• 51:23Speaker 03

  You wouldn't fucking believe this guy. So, like, Jay will, like, there's no, like, you go on, uh, if you go and do gigs with Jay, like, there's no entourage. There's no, there's no even a personal fucking assistant.

• 51:34H. Foley?

  Just walking in.

• 51:34Speaker 03

  It's just Jay. And then he said to me, eh, we had a couple of gigs that were quite, you know, afar in odd places. He had, yeah, Jay always travels private, right? He's got a private jet. Of course.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  Well, he fucking should. He's Hollywood royalty.

• 51:47Speaker 03

  Right.

• 51:48Speaker 01

  Mr. Leno.

• 51:48Speaker 03

  So Jay, Jay says, eh, eh, eh, you wanna ride in the jet? We're gonna go to the thing. I'm like, uh, yeah, okay, I'll ride in the jet. And you get on the jet after the gig, and it's this fucking, oh, baller jet.

• 52:01H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 52:01Speaker 03

  But Jay's sitting with his denim pants, his denim shirt unbuttoned after the gig, eating pizza out of a box.

• 52:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's how you gotta do it.

• 52:09Speaker 03

  And I'm like. He's like, you might, you might piece of pizza? I'm like, yeah, actually, yes, I fucking do.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  That's great, dude.

• 52:17H. Foley?

  Man. All right, let's get into some argue garbage here.

• 52:20Speaker 01

  We're 50 minutes in.

• 52:21Speaker 03

  All right, let's get some garbage.

• 52:23Speaker 01

  One que, I mean, this, the number, uh, we always ask, uh, how many suits do you own? And it'd probably be hard to put a number on it.

• 52:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know, like, fucking hundreds.

• 52:32H. Foley?

  Do you keep, so, from the show?

• 52:34Speaker 03

  My agent, when I started in late night, we just put this thing, I was like, we just, we'll put it, cause they were paying me anything, like, fuck them then, well, let's add this thing.

• 52:42Speaker 01

  Keep the wardrobe.

• 52:42Speaker 03

  You keep the suits.

• 52:43H. Foley?

  Man.

• 52:44Speaker 03

  Now, that was just in at the beginning, so it's like one of these, uh, like, things in a bill that goes through, like, you don't notice.

• 52:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:50Speaker 03

  But it's now in every contract, so every game show I did, every fucking, everything I've done, I've got all these fucking suits.

• 52:55H. Foley?

  That's awesome.

• 52:56Speaker 03

  And I, it sounds good, but no.

• 52:58Speaker 01

  It's probably a burden.

• 52:59Speaker 03

  It is a burden.

• 53:00Speaker 01

  You have to get like another apartment for the suits.

• 53:02Speaker 03

  To paraphrase Biggie, more suits, more problems.

• 53:05H. Foley?

  Yeah, I'm with you.

• 53:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:07H. Foley?

  You look sharp in a suit, can I tell you that though?

• 53:09Speaker 01

  You do wear the shit out of a suit.

• 53:11H. Foley?

  You wear the shit out of a suit, I'll tell you that right now. All right, let's talk about the, let's talk about in the house a little bit. Do you guys, are the kids grown up? Are they out of the house?

• 53:18Speaker 03

  My, my youngest is fourteen, so it's getting there. My oldest is twenty-four.

• 53:23H. Foley?

  Gotcha. Are we doing family dinners?

• 53:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:26H. Foley?

  At night?

• 53:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, we're a close family.

• 53:28H. Foley?

  Close family, family dinners. Who's doing the cooking?

• 53:30Speaker 03

  My wife, all the time.

• 53:31H. Foley?

  Is she a good cook?

• 53:33Speaker 03

  She's great.

• 53:34H. Foley?

  What about the grocery shopping here in New York? Are you guys going out to the grocery store? You getting things delivered?

• 53:38Speaker 03

  What's the, what are these called again?

• 53:40H. Foley?

  Okay, all right, you just have it sent in?

• 53:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:43H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 53:43Speaker 03

  I think so, yeah. Are you writing this shit down? Is there a point system?

• 53:47H. Foley?

  Yeah, this is the time and weather you're garbage. No, we're coming over for dinner later. I want to see what we're having tonight.

• 53:53Speaker 03

  Well, it, it depends. If we're in New York City, then, you know, you go to the store.

• 53:59H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 53:59Speaker 03

  But if we're in...

• 54:00H. Foley?

  If you're at this other place.

• 54:01Speaker 03

  If you're out of town, maybe you drive to the store.

• 54:04H. Foley?

  Okay, but you are going to the store?

• 54:06Speaker 03

  Go to the store, yeah.

• 54:07H. Foley?

  I could see you walking around.

• 54:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do, no, I do. I, I will go to the store and do that stuff.

• 54:11H. Foley?

  Are you a Whole Foods man? Are you...

• 54:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, I tell you, I will be honest with this, because, you know, Whole Foods is, I, I get what we're, what we're looking at with Whole Foods. But, I will say this, touring, as long as I've been touring in the U... Whole Foods changed the fucking game.

• 54:25H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 54:25Speaker 03

  Because there used to be, like, if you could find a Cracker Barrel, that was it, when you were on the road. And, look, no, no disrespect to Cracker Barrel, you know, some of their gravy is, is, is okay. But the, uh, but the, uh, but the Whole Foods things, like, you could always get something to eat.

• 54:43H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 54:43Speaker 03

  In most towns, and that, that's a big, little bar thing that they do.

• 54:48H. Foley?

  You try to eat right and take care of yourself these days?

• 54:50Speaker 03

  I do now. I'm sixty-three in a couple of weeks.

• 54:52H. Foley?

  Of course, gotcha.

• 54:52Speaker 03

  Fuck, I mean, I just, I don't know if you can see, I went to a dermatologist, I know that doesn't make me garbage, but I went to a dermatologist and they had to burn off little bits of, like, precancerous shit and all that.

• 55:02H. Foley?

  I'm doing that now, don't worry about that. I have skin tags all over me. We do it, we do it out there.

• 55:07Speaker 03

  You do it to each other?

• 55:08H. Foley?

  We don't have health insurance. Do you keep the butter on the counter, or do you keep it in the fridge at the house?

• 55:14Speaker 03

  I put it in the fridge. My wife puts it on the counter.

• 55:16H. Foley?

  Okay, all right, okay, fair. The ketchup, where do you keep that?

• 55:20Speaker 03

  Again, I, I would go for fridge. Actually, no, other way around. My wife puts ketchup in the fridge. I leave the ketchup.

• 55:27H. Foley?

  You prefer it on the counter?

• 55:28Speaker 03

  I, I like the ketchup to be room temperature.

• 55:31H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 55:31Speaker 03

  You know, like Beaujolais.

• 55:34H. Foley?

  I don't think they're quite the same thing, but fair enough.

• 55:36Speaker 03

  Some of the recent Beaujolais, I beg to differ. Am I right, everyone?

• 55:42H. Foley?

  Ah, that's alright.

• 55:43Speaker 03

  Ah, okay.

• 55:45H. Foley?

  Uh, let's go into the bathroom.

• 55:46Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 55:48H. Foley?

  Are you peeing in the shower?

• 55:49Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:50H. Foley?

  Okay. You brush your teeth in there?

• 55:52Speaker 03

  No, I don't do that. My, my kids do that, and I suspect my wife does that, but I do not do that.

• 55:57H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 55:57Speaker 03

  Especially, I don't know, I think like, peeing and brushing your teeth at the same time, it's kinda like doing that thing, you know, I mean, I don't know. You don't have to do them at the same time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:07H. Foley?

  Do you floss every day?

• 56:08Speaker 03

  Not every day, but I do floss.

• 56:10H. Foley?

  You keep up with it?

• 56:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, I try to, yeah.

• 56:13H. Foley?

  Okay, Kippy?

• 56:16Speaker 03

  How do you feel about the rotisserie chicken?

• 56:20Speaker 03

  God, I'm killing with the peanut gallery. The live studio audience. I love the rotisserie chicken. I will buy the warm rotisserie chicken and get home. There's always a bit of a dash to get home, because you get the warm rotisserie chicken, but you've also got the fudgsicles, which are getting colder. You can't have the tuna near next to the rotisserie chicken. But I like to get home before the rotisserie chicken is tepid. I don't want it tepid. Yeah, it changes. It coagulates a little bit, it's not the same. Once you get, once the gravy gets a gel to it. Mm-hmm, it's tough. How do you, uh, how do you get your, if you, uh, are eating a steak, how do you get your steak cooked? I, I don't really eat the steak anymore, yeah, but, but when I would eat it, uh, I'd, I'd go well. Well.

• 57:02H. Foley?

  That's a Scottish in you, though.

• 57:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is, yeah. It's a dirtbag in him, what are you talking about?

• 57:06H. Foley?

  I'll give you a little bit of a curve on that. Wait, hold on, what about these fudgsicles? You're a fudgsicle man?

• 57:10Speaker 03

  Oh, I like fudgsicles, yeah, yeah.

• 57:11H. Foley?

  Are you kidding me?

• 57:12Speaker 03

  No, come on, they're great.

• 57:13H. Foley?

  I love ya. Man, I couldn't like the guy anymore.

• 57:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, fudgsicles.

• 57:17H. Foley?

  Fudgsicles and root beer? Holy shit, you're speaking my language, sir.

• 57:21Speaker 03

  That's right, that's how I fucking live.

• 57:23H. Foley?

  Holy shit. Will you take leftovers home from a restaurant?

• 57:28Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah.

• 57:29H. Foley?

  And do you like a nice dinner? You guys like, you and the wife, you like to go out to a nice place?

• 57:33Speaker 03

  I like to go to places where they, when they, they give you the foil, it's in the shape of a swan. But my, my, my wife is much classier than that.

• 57:43Speaker 03

  But I do like the foil and a swan. The foil swan, to me, says class.

• 57:48Speaker 01

  A hundred percent. It's the epitome of class, I would say. Uh, do you currently own a tennis racket?

• 57:54Speaker 03

  No, fuck you, man.

• 57:56Speaker 01

  Have you ever played, uh, pickleball?

• 57:58Speaker 03

  No, no, but I, but I have a, a urologist.

• 58:04H. Foley?

  Do you own binoculars?

• 58:05Speaker 03

  I do, I do. I own a multiple sets of binoculars.

• 58:08H. Foley?

  What kind of car are you whipping around town in?

• 58:10Speaker 03

  Uh, I got a, this, I think this is gonna work for me here.

• 58:14H. Foley?

  Hit me.

• 58:14Speaker 03

  I have a Ram 1500 Big Horn. 5.7 liter, fuck you guys. Fuck you guys.

• 58:22Speaker 01

  That's amazing.

• 58:23H. Foley?

  You were right on the edge there. You got a Ram. Look at ya.

• 58:27Speaker 03

  Yep, I fucking have got a Ram. And you know what?

• 58:29Speaker 01

  That's a guy who likes America.

• 58:31Speaker 03

  Let me, let me just show you my fucking hat. That's my fucking hat.

• 58:36Speaker 03

  Well, the way I, the way I do it is this, the way I see the Ram is this, I'm very worried about the environment.

• 58:42H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 58:43Speaker 03

  So what I feel is to force big oil to make changes, I feel we've gotta use it all up.

• 58:48H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 58:48Speaker 03

  Use it up. And that'll fucking make them pay attention.

• 58:51Speaker 01

  I respect that. What, uh, what do you call, do you call it the remote or the clicker?

• 58:56Speaker 03

  Remote.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  Remote, okay.

• 58:57H. Foley?

  The remote.

• 58:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:58H. Foley?

  Do you have any fireworks in the house currently?

• 59:00Speaker 03

  Not currently. No, oh, well, no, I got some sparklers. I always keep some sparklers, cause my wife's, uh, cousin's kids come over and they like the sparklers.

• 59:07H. Foley?

  Okay. The bed's a king size bed, I assume?

• 59:10Speaker 01

  Gotta be.

• 59:10Speaker 03

  Uh, which house?

• 59:13H. Foley?

  Oh, what, are you sleeping on the twin at the, in the apartment?

• 59:16Speaker 03

  No, but the king size in the apartment, but a queen size at the, uh...

• 59:20Speaker 01

  The house.

• 59:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:21Speaker 01

  The country home. As the Manhattanites with money call, go to the country home.

• 59:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:25H. Foley?

  Queen size?

• 59:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, we gotta change it though, cause...

• 59:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's tough.

• 59:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's, it's, you know, we, we've been married for a long time.

• 59:31Speaker 01

  If you need a couple bucks, let me know.

• 59:33H. Foley?

  And what are you sleeping in? Are you sleeping in undies? Do you sleep nude?

• 59:36Speaker 03

  No, no, listen, you gotta listen to me here about sleeping, cause this is fucking important.

• 59:40H. Foley?

  Tell me.

• 59:41Speaker 03

  Sleep is important to me.

• 59:42H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 59:43Speaker 03

  And about, during the pandemic, actually, during the COVID, uh, you know, just ordering stuff online, cause there's nothing else to do. So I order a pair of shorty, uh, short silk pajamas.

• 59:55Speaker 03

  I'm telling you man, I have taken every drug I've heard of. Fuck 'em all. Silk pajamas.

• 1:00:01Speaker 01

  Where am I going to try that?

• 1:00:03Speaker 03

  That's the way to go. Like, put down the OxyContin and get some silk pajamas.

• 1:00:08Speaker 01

  Hey, why not both?

• 1:00:09Speaker 03

  Silk pajamas and fudgicles. Talk about the duality of man. That would be like a speedball.

• 1:00:17Speaker 01

  What, at what age did you get your first tattoo and what age was the last tattoo? I see the tattoos on the arms there.

• 1:00:22Speaker 03

  Now, the first tattoo was actually late, because my father hated tattoos. He thought that, you know, people should not have tattoos. So when my father died, I thought, what better way to remember a man who hated tattoos? Get a tattoo. The Celtic paradox. So I got the family crest tattooed there.

• 1:00:40Speaker 01

  I have to say, that is the first trashy tattoo everybody gets.

• 1:00:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  The family name, something, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:46Speaker 03

  So my father died, and then I didn't think about it for a while. Um, and then about a few years later, my mom died. And I was like, very sad, obviously. And then a few months after my mom had died, I started to kind of hear it in my head, like, "Oh, you get a tattoo for your father, but you don't get a tattoo for your mother." So I had to get my mother tattooed there. But as I'm getting this tattoo of my mother's family on here, the guy who's giving me the ink says, "You know, it's unlucky to have an even number of tattoos."

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  Ah, shit.

• 1:01:14Speaker 03

  Oh, I didn't know that. He said, "So you better get a third." And I went, "Oh, okay." And I'd recently become an American citizen, so I thought, "Well, give me this one here."

• 1:01:22Speaker 01

  Well, you got the snake.

• 1:01:23Speaker 03

  Yeah. Damn dude, this guy's in it. Yeah. So, so I have to, I have, so I get through, and then after that, it's fucking crazy. But, when I get, I don't know, have you got, are you guys inked? I love it now. Right, so...

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  I feel like a pussy.

• 1:01:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, no shit.

• 1:01:38Speaker 01

  He just says if we're inked, and we had to say no. Fuck.

• 1:01:41Speaker 03

  You know, a few years ago, that would have been true. Now, if you've got ink, it probably means you're a fucking orthodontist or something. But, uh, down here, that's the most hurty part of getting a tattoo I've ever had. Apparently, this is sore too, but I don't know.

• 1:01:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, the ribs are bad.

• 1:01:55Speaker 03

  Okay. But, but this was very, very hearty. Don't do it.

• 1:01:59Speaker 01

  You gotta, you gotta have, what, 12 now, something like that?

• 1:02:01Speaker 03

  I don't even know. I, I, they're kind of all over the place. Do you do any cologne? Are you a cologne guy? You know, I don't. Nothing. I used to. Okay. And I, I kind of just don't. What were you rocking back in the day? Davidoff Cool Water. You were. Yeah.

• 1:02:17H. Foley?

  Guy like you. I love him. Holy shit.

• 1:02:20Speaker 03

  Ah. You know what, I gotta tell you, I still fucking love it.

• 1:02:23H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:24Speaker 03

  And every time if I'm in an airport, I'm like, I should probably.

• 1:02:27H. Foley?

  She grab a grab a bottle. I love only at the airport.

• 1:02:30Speaker 03

  Well, that's the only place you can fucking get it.

• 1:02:32H. Foley?

  Duty free. Who's cutting the hair these days?

• 1:02:35Speaker 03

  Uh, the last person to cut it was a lady called Vegas.

• 1:02:38H. Foley?

  Do you go to her or they come to you?

• 1:02:40Speaker 03

  No, I just walk in and she said, my name is Vegas.

• 1:02:43H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 1:02:44Speaker 03

  I'd never met her before.

• 1:02:45H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 1:02:45Speaker 03

  It's not bad though, right?

• 1:02:46H. Foley?

  It's you.

• 1:02:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's alright, it's alright.

• 1:02:48H. Foley?

  You got a great head of hair. Good looking, good looking guy. Aging like a fine bottle of wine, my friend.

• 1:02:52Speaker 03

  Thank you, thank you.

• 1:02:53H. Foley?

  Hundred percent. I mean, listen.

• 1:02:54Speaker 03

  Is this a club?

• 1:02:57H. Foley?

  Ah, you know. Hmm. Yeah, I mean.

• 1:03:03Speaker 03

  Well, you guys come to a decision, I feel like it's, is this the, uh?

• 1:03:06H. Foley?

  We're getting there.

• 1:03:07Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:03:07H. Foley?

  There's. When you fly commercial.

• 1:03:10Speaker 03

  I always fly commercial.

• 1:03:11H. Foley?

  Will you bring anything on the plane with you? Will you bring food on the plane?

• 1:03:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:14H. Foley?

  What are you talking about?

• 1:03:15Speaker 03

  Oh, a sandwich or something from the.

• 1:03:17H. Foley?

  Not like tuna or anything?

• 1:03:19Speaker 03

  No, no, no fish on the plane. No, but, uh, but maybe, maybe a sandwich. I don't like to eat on the plane. I feel like the plane is a flying bathroom. And I don't like, even a long, long flight, I don't eat.

• 1:03:31H. Foley?

  Take your shoes off on the plane?

• 1:03:33Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:03:33H. Foley?

  Put the seat back?

• 1:03:34Speaker 03

  Uh, depends.

• 1:03:36H. Foley?

  Okay, you're a gentleman about it.

• 1:03:37Speaker 03

  If, it depends, you know, as the circumstances arise, but I have to say, most of the time these days when I fly, the seat back, going back, doesn't seem to be an issue.

• 1:03:46H. Foley?

  Understand. I know exactly what you're getting at. The lay flat. I'd like to hear that.

• 1:03:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:50H. Foley?

  Those are very. If you're saying you're, you're, you're in the fuselage, I'd be upset.

• 1:03:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm just, you know, I'm near that. It's, it's good because as the people come on the seat behind you, you can judge them.

• 1:03:58H. Foley?

  Yeah. That's what we do too. You guys do Christmas at the house?

• 1:04:02Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:04:02H. Foley?

  Colored lights, white lights on the tree?

• 1:04:04Speaker 03

  Hmm, white lights on the tree. My wife is classy. There's no way she's garbage.

• 1:04:08H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 1:04:09Speaker 03

  So.

• 1:04:09H. Foley?

  That makes sense. Alright. I love how he knew the white lights were classy. Yeah?

• 1:04:13Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:14H. Foley?

  What about the nails? You biting the nails?

• 1:04:16Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:04:17H. Foley?

  No?

• 1:04:17Speaker 03

  No, I don't think so.

• 1:04:18H. Foley?

  You do anything to them?

• 1:04:19Speaker 03

  No, I got a clipper.

• 1:04:20H. Foley?

  You do the clippers yourself?

• 1:04:21Speaker 03

  But I, yeah, but I don't do the toes every time. And some, these days I try and do the, when I'm clipping the toes, I try and be on my own.

• 1:04:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:31Speaker 03

  That's classy.

• 1:04:32H. Foley?

  Sure understandable. Any bad toenails? You got a bad?

• 1:04:35Speaker 03

  I had one for a while, but it's cleared up. I go, apparently, when you get COVID, I got COVID, I'm sure we've all had it. If you haven't had it-

• 1:04:43Speaker 01

  I got it right now.

• 1:04:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, you, you get a, I go, something called COVID toe. Which I think was probably-

• 1:04:49Speaker 01

  You're making that up.

• 1:04:50H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's made up.

• 1:04:51Speaker 03

  Maybe I made it up, maybe I didn't. I don't know.

• 1:04:53H. Foley?

  What does it do? Turn your nail black?

• 1:04:55Speaker 03

  It went a little weird.

• 1:04:56H. Foley?

  No kidding.

• 1:04:57Speaker 03

  And it kinda went like-

• 1:04:58Speaker 01

  You had a hook.

• 1:04:59Speaker 03

  A hook toe.

• 1:05:00Speaker 01

  A little bit of a hook toe.

• 1:05:00H. Foley?

  You gotta get in there.

• 1:05:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, anyway, it's cleared up now.

• 1:05:03Speaker 01

  I mean, the guy's trash. What are you doing here?

• 1:05:04H. Foley?

  Come on.

• 1:05:05Speaker 01

  Dead ringer for trash.

• 1:05:06H. Foley?

  Man, the F1 fit, or the Ram.

• 1:05:09Speaker 01

  The Ram.

• 1:05:09Speaker 03

  Woo!

• 1:05:10H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:10Speaker 03

  The Ram with the American hat.

• 1:05:12H. Foley?

  Dude.

• 1:05:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:13H. Foley?

  I love it. Mr. Craig Ferguson, 100% garbage.

• 1:05:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, but we love you, man. We love you.

• 1:05:19H. Foley?

  Man, what a legendary-

• 1:05:21Speaker 03

  Yes, I'm very pleased. Thank you.

• 1:05:24H. Foley?

  Gang, the special, I'm So Happy, is on YouTube right now.

• 1:05:26Speaker 03

  I think so, yeah.

• 1:05:27H. Foley?

  Right? A joy, a podcast, you can listen to that.

• 1:05:30Speaker 03

  If you want.

• 1:05:30H. Foley?

  And of course, you're on tour, Pants on Fire Tour, TheCraigFergusonShow.com. I mean, an absolute legend.

• 1:05:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:37Speaker 03

  God bless you, gentlemen.

• 1:05:38H. Foley?

  We can't thank you enough for coming in.

• 1:05:39Speaker 03

  Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it, honestly.

• 1:05:40H. Foley?

  We love you. Congratulations on everything. That story was inspiring and unbelievable.

• 1:05:45Speaker 03

  Oh, thanks.

• 1:05:46H. Foley?

  And we really mean it. You're one of the true greats.

• 1:05:48Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:05:48H. Foley?

  Thank you, sir.

• 1:05:49Speaker 01

  See you on the Upper East Side.

• 1:05:50H. Foley?

  Kippy, what do you got? And we're coming over for dinner tonight.

• 1:05:53Speaker 01

  Guys, we still have some of the R U Garbage Car Game available at RUGarbage.com, and we're on tour as well. Get those tickets now.

• 1:05:58H. Foley?

  Craig, we love you.

• 1:05:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, man.

• 1:06:00H. Foley?

  Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week.

• 1:06:01Speaker 03

  Peace.