LISTEN NOW: The First Wife

Many listened to the Dirty John podcast, which introduced the world to John Meehan, a dangerous serial predator who infiltrates the life of Debra Newell and ultimately dies at the hand of her daughter, Terra. But there was an overlooked story that’s now being told, in full, for the first time. In The First Wife: John Meehan’s Reign of Terror, Tonia Bales recounts her harrowing experiences as John’s wife of 10 years and the mother of their daughters, Emily and Abby. Highlighting new details and revelations, Tonia shares the abuse she suffered from the man she once believed to be her soulmate, but who ultimately revealed himself as a coercive and controlling terrorist. Through exclusive archival materials and all-new interviews with the people who knew her and John best, uncovering long-held secrets and including perspective from their daughters, Tonia embarks on a re-investigation of the man she thought she knew. The multiple bombshells she unearths include one that will change her and her daughters’ lives forever. Listen now: HERE http://link.pscrb.fm/6438e/fdinternalthefirstwife-2b03b Audible subscribers can binge all episodes right now ad-free. Join Audible in the Audible app or by subscribing on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hi, listeners. There is a podcast we think you'll like. It's called The First Wife. You've probably heard of The Dirty John Podcast, one of the original true crime pods about John Meehan, a dangerous, abusive, and manipulative man. But this is the story of him that you haven't heard, told by the woman who he spent 10 years with, his first wife and mother of his two daughters, Tonia Bales. Tanya thought she'd married her soulmate. She was wrong, but just how wrong was shocking. The story of John Meehan is now being told from the woman who knew him first. In this series, she recounts the abuse she suffered from a man who was coercive and dangerous. The podcast has exclusive archival materials,

• 0:41Speaker 00

  interviews with people who knew them best, and long-held secrets that finally surface in all-new revelations. What do you do when the person you trusted most was never real? I'm about to play a clip from The First Wife. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  I'm Rachel Louise Snyder, journalist, professor, and author of No Visible Bruises: What We Don't Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us. I, like millions of others, downloaded The Dirty John Podcast and hung on every twisted detail about John Meehan and the women who loved, hated, and survived him. Of all those brave women, Tonia Bales, John's first wife, thought she knew him best.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  This is episode one of her story, Filthy John Meehan.

• 1:38Speaker 02

  When I first thought about telling my story, I thought about writing a book. And then it came to me that, you know, maybe a podcast would be a better avenue to tell it.

• 1:55Speaker 03

  My name is Jordan Stockton, bastard to a single mother.

• 2:00Speaker 02

  So as soon as I began the process of putting this podcast together, it was over 4th of July weekend, and I got a FaceTime call from Abigail. And as soon as I opened the FaceTime, I can see Abby's face. I can see she's, you know, very upset about something. And she said, Mom, Mom. And I said, What, Abby? And she said, I just got a direct message from somebody who thinks he could be my half-brother. So now my mind is really racing, and I'm having to replay everything from the beginning of our relationship. And I'm realizing that even from the grave, John will never stop affecting my life.

• 2:44Speaker 01

  Tanya's story begins on a cold December night in 1988. After her shift at a nearby hospital, Tanya, a nurse, goes out with friends, unaware her life is about to be forever changed. It's the night she meets John Meehan.

• 3:04Speaker 02

  I was working a second shift in surgery at St. Elizabeth's Medical Center in Dayton, Ohio. There was a group of about five of us, and we were all about the same age within three, four years. And we would all go out together after a 3 to 11 shift, because it's hard to go home after, you know, saving lives and gunshot wounds, just to go home and crash asleep. So on the particular night that I met John, one of the guys wanted to go to a place called Shooter's. And I'm like, Terry, we don't want to go there. He said, Oh, Tanya, well, let's just try it.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  Terry Hardman, then a surgical technician, was one of Tanya's coworkers and friends.

• 3:45Speaker 04

  When I worked in the operating room with Tanya, we were both part of the same team. She knew her stuff. She paid attention. She was smart. She was alert. She was a very cute, pretty young woman.

• 4:01Speaker 01

  At Shooter's that evening, George Michael's faith plays in the background. A six-foot-two, brown-haired man intercepts Tanya on her way to the restroom.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  I didn't necessarily have the thought, oh, he's cute or not cute. I just, you know, stopped and had a small conversation. He eventually released me to the bathroom, but when I came back, he stopped me again and, you know, wanted to talk. He was very engaging. He was very friendly. When I tell him where I work, because that was the first question out of his mouth, where do you work? Or what do you do for a living? It was one of the two. And he said, Oh, we met another nurse from St. Elizabeth's. I said, Well, that was probably my friend, because she went to the bathroom, you know, before me. But so I stayed there and talked to him for a while. And he started talking about how he was working in the cath lab, I believe, at one of the other hospitals. And so we had medicine in common. And he told me that he was going to the University of Dayton, and that he was in law school.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  John offers to get Tanya a drink. She says she'll have a Tom Collins.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  It was ladies' night, and drinks were free, so that wasn't too much of a burden on him. But he ordered a drink, and the waitress asked him for his ID. He got his ID out and showed it to her. And then I kind of playfully snatched it away and looked at it. And actually, we had already discussed our age. And at that time, I was 23. And he said, Oh, I'm 24. But when I snatched his driver's license away from him, it had a different year on it. And I said, Oh, I thought you said you were, you know, 24. Wouldn't that make you born in, you know, 64? And he said, Oh, he said, you know, I need to get my driver's license changed. I altered my driver's license so I could get alcohol in college. And I thought, well, I know lots of people that have done that. And I really didn't think another thing about it.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  They drink, they dance. Then a turning point in the evening. John's friend, his ride home, wants to leave.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  And John said, I don't want to leave. Will you take me home? Will you give me a ride home? And I said, No, I'm not giving you a ride home. And, and he said, Please, I want to hang out with you some more. And I guess I just didn't know how to be firm in that no, because I did not want to drive him home. And somehow, I got talked into it. I will say that, because now, if you watch Dateline, people who do that, it doesn't end well, right?

• 6:27Speaker 01

  Terry worries that Tanya is not leaving with their group.

• 6:31Speaker 04

  I can remember I was feeling like really uncomfortable, like, wow, I just, I don't know. I don't think that's a good idea. I can remember expressing that concern to one of my friends, or one of the other people in the group. And she was going, Oh, you, you know, you're just jealous.

• 6:51Speaker 02

  So at John's house, I fully planned all the way home to pull up to the house, so you wouldn't want to be, thanks for the dance, and never see him again. And somehow, he convinced me to go inside. And somehow, again, I find myself in a situation where I'm, I'm not really standing up for myself, I guess is how I would describe it, or being polite, or not knowing how to reject someone. I hadn't had experience with rejecting someone. So anyways, I go inside, and he's kind of showing me around. He walks me into the kitchen, and there's a Nerf basketball over the door into the kitchen. And so he like tosses me

• 7:35Speaker 02

  the basketball. And that, you know, that led to contact and us making out. And us making out led to us making our way from the kitchen to his room. And then I find myself in his room. And then sometimes, things happen. And for me, that had actually never happened. And it's something that I'm still somewhat embarrassed about today, because that's not exactly what I've taught my daughters to do, or want them to do. I'm not really a prude today, but I just don't think that's the smartest way to start a relationship.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  The next morning, Tanya can't get out of there fast enough.

• 8:26Speaker 02

  You know, he gave me his phone number, and I planned to never use it. But guess what? John asked me where I worked, right? That was his first question. And so on my 3 to 11 shift that next night, he had me paged in the operating room. And I went to the phone, and hello? And he said, Hey, Tanya, it's John. You know, I really enjoyed our time last night. Yeah, I'd really like to really get to know you and maybe take you on a real date. You're pretty. You were fun. Maybe we could do that. And I was flattered, and I was drawn back in by the attention, I think. We went out to dinner. And the following night, I think we went to a movie. So that's how it started.

• 9:12Speaker 00

  That was a clip from The First Wife. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Audible subscribers can binge all episodes early and ad-free right now. Join Audible in the Audible app or by subscribing on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.