Mind Hacks: Casey Beros

Welcome back to All in the Mind's little sister: Mind Hacks. In this episode, health journalist and author Casey Beros on managing your inner critic, balancing competing appetites for more and less in life, and filtering out the external voices to chart your own course in life. Each week on Mind Hacks, we're bringing you bonus content with special guests, featuring rapid fire questions about their mental health tips and pet peeves. It's like a psychology version of eff, marry kill! We're testing this format out over the next few weeks, so let us know what you think, or if there's a guest you'd like us to invite back on the program for Mind Hacks. As always, you can reach us on [email protected] mailto:[email protected] don't worry, regular All in the Mind episodes will keep dropping every Sunday. Guest: Casey BerosHealth journalistAuthor, Next of Kin https://www.caseyberos.com/nok-book Credits: Presenter/Producer: Sana QadarSenior Producer: James BullenProducer: Rose KerrSound Engineer: Micky GrossmanRelevant All in the Mind episodes: Tough conversations and anticipatory grief: being a carer https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/allinthemind/tough-conversations-anticipatory-grief-carer/106409174What influences your inner voice https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/allinthemind/what-influences-inner-voice/104462512Controlling the chatter in your head https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/allinthemind/controlling-the-chatter-in-your-head/13739740You can catch up on more episodes of the All in the Mind podcast with journalist and presenter Sana Qadar, exploring the psychology of topics like stress, memory, communication and relationships on ABC Listen or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  ABC Listen, podcasts, radio, news, music and more.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  Hello, I'm Sana Qadar and this is Mind Hacks, All in the Mind's midweek mini episode, where we catch up with the experts we've spoken to in our main show and ask them a few simple questions about the mental health tools they use in their own lives. What do they love, hate and what do they avoid? Today, it is health journalist and author of Next of Kin, Casey Barrows. Hi, Casey.

• 0:33Speaker 02

  Hi, thanks for having me.

• 0:34Speaker 01

  Thanks for coming back. Okay, love. What is one mental health tool, strategy, or practice or piece of advice that has made a real difference to you?

• 0:45Speaker 02

  It would have to be self compassion, but probably through a slightly different lens. And I'm going to borrow from mindset coach Ben Crowe here. He talks about this idea of our inner critic versus our inner fan. For me, that vernacular, the inner critic, inner fan, that doesn't really work for me. So I've kind of taken it and given it my own spin, which is the builder and the heckler.

• 1:09Speaker 01

  Oh.

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  So I spend a lot of my time on stage with a microphone and I think about these two different types of people in the audience. One is the heckler up the back and one is the supporter, the builder, the person who really needs to be in the room and is sitting there gobbling up every little bit of wisdom that you've got. And so I have been asking myself, who has the microphone right now? Whoever has the microphone has the loudest voice. And so I've started kind of imagining physically taking the microphone off of the heckler.

• 1:42Speaker 01

  Oh, I love that.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  And handing it to the builder and saying, heckler, you're not in charge today. The builder's in charge. And so that's just my version of kind of asking ourselves, who is the person that is speaking to me right now? Is it a person who is in support of me or is it a person who's trying to tear me down?

• 2:00Speaker 01

  I'm going to use that. I'm going to steal that. Okay, hate. What is the biggest stressor in your life right now and how are you managing it?

• 2:08Speaker 02

  Oh, look, there's a few to choose from. Uh, and I think, but I think the one that people might be able to relate to that I'm certainly going through at the moment is this real tension between wanting more and wanting less. So let me explain, on the one hand, I have this real hunger for more influence, more impact, more contribution, more intimacy, more connection. And I guess in short, to build this big life. And on the other hand, I have this real genuine desire for less, less time on my phone, fewer decisions to be made, less stress, less unread books on my nightstand, less junk in my cupboards.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  Casey, are you talking about my brain or your brain? What is happening right now? Sorry, carry on.

• 3:00Speaker 02

  I'm really glad that you said that because I'm having this conversation a lot. And it feels like we are stuck between these two worlds of complete overwhelm.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

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  And complete underwhelm. Why can we not be perfectly whelmed in the middle?

• 3:19Speaker 01

  I want to be whelmed, that's right.

• 3:21Speaker 02

  I want to be whelmed too. And, you know, I, I think a lot about, is this what midlife looks like?

• 3:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, same.

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  Is it just the current climate? And I don't know the answer to that, but I am exploring it in my next book because I think it's this really fascinating topic and I hold both every day. I do want all of those things and I think a lot of people are feeling the same.

• 3:40Speaker 01

  Love that. Um, okay, avoid, what is one mental health practice or trend or gimmick that you think people would be better off treating with caution and why?

• 3:49Speaker 02

  I don't know if it's a mental health practice, but what I'm seeing a lot of is all of us outsourcing our sort of personal and unique direction, our compass to other peoples. And I think it's inherent actually in who we follow online and, and particularly inherent in that word, who we follow. You know, when we are ambitious or aspirational, we often seek our other people's maps from where they were to where. They're trying to go and I can't tell you how many subscriptions and courses and free PDF downloads I have in my inbox that I have never opened. And I think that's a trap.

• 4:30Speaker 01

  Um.

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  Because our own voice is way, way more important. But I think we've sort of outsourced everything that we want. And I, I think that that's a real shame. You know, what is success? What is health? What is connection? What is family? That is so different. Between me and you and the person who's listening, it's personal. And so I try really hard to teach people to tap back in to that inner compass.

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  All right, final question. What is the biggest thing that people might get wrong about your experience as a carer? Are there any misconceptions you'd like to clear up?

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  Yes, probably that you are in for the worst time of your life.

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  It is going to be an incredibly rough ride. What I think people don't talk about enough is how magical it is. How powerfully transformative it can be for not just you, but the person that you're caring for. I am forever changed from having had that experience of caring for my father. It's time with him that I will never get back. Don't get me wrong, I will not paint a rosy picture full of ice cream and, and ponies and butterflies. It was not like that. But there were moments frequently where we would be laughing

• 6:00Speaker 02

  or cheersing a glass together or cooking a meal or crying at a silly TV show. Both wearing his socks, lying on his bed. Where I thought like, this is it. Like this is as good as it gets. And I know that that sounds kind of silly and idealistic.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  Sounds beautiful.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  But those are the moments that I will never, ever, ever forget. I totally understand there are all different people listening to this. Some people will be able to step up. Some people will need to keep working full time. Uh, you know, our, our healthcare system and, and the planet is, is about as far from equitable as can be. And if you can step up in whatever way you can, lean in, spend more time, have the hard conversations, say the things. If you can do that in whatever variation it is available to you, I don't think that there are any experiences in life that pack that sort of emotional punch and that transform you in quite the same way.

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  So I think the misconception is that it's all going to be doom and gloom and awful. And that just, I just don't think that's the truth. And certainly not in my experience anyway.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  That's a beautiful reframe and a beautiful lens to sort of throw on that experience. So thank you. Thanks, Casey, for coming back on.

• 7:25Speaker 02

  Pleasure. Thanks for having me.

• 7:38Speaker 00

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