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Paulina always knew she had half- siblings around the world. They all shared the same Tongan father. Finding them was the best thing she ever did.
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Hello, Hilary Harper with you. And in ABC Rewind, we bring you a selection of episodes from the documentary show Earshot, showcasing first-person storytelling at its best.
QF8 is coming from Dallas.
We're here, standing next to a jittery Paulina. Years of emails, phone calls, group chats and messages across two continents have led to this moment.
You've got to wait, so it's Dallas, QF8 landed.
I know how she feels. Hi, I'm Taquum Budzi and welcome to Earshot's The Other Me season, where we're following stories from people who might be discovering a secret or two, especially family secrets. In my 20 years of travel between Zimbabwe and Australia, navigating the chaos of airports is always more bearable than the goodbyes. It hurts not knowing when you'll return to the place you're leaving, or when you'll next see your loved ones. Luckily for Paulina, today's a great airport day.
That's my sister-in-law then.
Reunions at Sydney International Airport are actually like that cheesy scene from the movie Love Actually.
Paulita!
Tears, laughter.
And if you're Tongan, it's very likely to include a long, deep inhale, to drink in the smell of the sister who you haven't seen for eight years.
So how are you?
How are you?
I'm good, I'm great.
Paulita is my half-sister, although I never referred to her that way.
Oh, she'll move it, too.
Yeah, my uncle did it on grandma's side.
That's beautiful.
Julita's got a new tattoo on her wrist. She knows how to pick a good Tongan motif, and she can speak a lot more Tongan than me.
Because I had my dad, our dad. He had one last kid, so that he'd always be taking care of it, for real.
She and I share the same Tongan father, Paola Weigaitau Maungafi Fusidua, or as we call him, Kieke. We both have white mums. I grew up in Australia with my single mum, and Julita grew up with her mum and our dad in San Francisco. Julita's my youngest sister. There's 14 years between us, so it's taken us years, but Julita truly gets me. Not just the lawyer Paulina in the Western world, or the Paulina in the Tongan world, but the Paulina who straddles both, the other me. She's the youngest of, I think, five of us, spread across the Pacific. Same dad, different mums. Mum had always told me about Paul, a half-brother in Hawaii,
and maybe another brother, and that I should be careful who I marry. I didn't realise that finding them would be a path to finding me.
Back at my unit in Cronulla, Julita doesn't have jet lag yet, so we do what sisters do, and we sit on the bed cuddling my naughty doggos, catching up and telling old stories. Detective stories about tracking down and finding long-lost siblings, including each other. I was a teenager when I found out about you.
I want to say I kind of always knew about you. My mum always told me about you. It was the other ones I didn't really know anything about. I would have been like five or six, and you sent a dolphin necklace with a...
You don't? No! No, I do! I still have it. It's silver! Yeah. So I really didn't have a lot of close family. So I was really excited, really excited. Yeah, that's why I still have it.
You don't?
I do. The dolphin necklace, of course I do.
It's very touching, I'm sorry, I forgot about it.
I know. The dolphin necklace!
Oh dear.
Mama, it's just me. Mum and I found out about Hulita when I was 18 and Hulita was four. Hello, how are you going? I'm good, thank you. And a letter arrived in the mail with a photo of four-year-old Hulita in a purple dress. Mum's always supported me in getting to know and spend time with my Tongan family. She sent me to Sydney regularly to visit my auntie Fatai, and even let Fatai take me to Tonga when I was only seven years old.
Family is terribly important, Joey. A family is just important and knowing who you are. It's not only family, is it? It's identity. Who am I? What am I made of? Who am I made of?
Yes, milk please. I'll get you the protein milk? My mother's an educator and an anthropologist. My father was a civil engineer. He grew up in Tonga and went to Hawaii when he was about 18, I think.
I was in Hawaii when I met your father. I was invited to a wedding and your father was at that wedding.
My parents split before I was born, but my father was there when I was born in Melbourne and made sure I had a proper Tongan baptism. They named me Paulina, Meliamee, Mongafi, Kinney, Fustua.
Do you remember people treating me differently because I was a brown kid or not thinking that I was your kid?
You were my child and that's how people treated you.
You've told me this story when I was four and you walked into the bedroom and I was covered in talcum powder and I think I made you cry because you asked me why and I said, "Because I don't want to be brown, I want to look like my cousins."
Well, I was aware that in your life you might incur people discriminating against you. When I saw that, I was really sorry that it happened and surprised.
In primary school, I identified fiercely as Australian, as if that might magically give me blonde hair and white skin. And when I went to Tonga when I was seven, I looked the part, but I felt like I was play-acting. I had to wear different clothes. I wasn't allowed to play on Sundays. And I didn't know how to speak Tongan. My dad, Keir Keir, came to visit us in Australia once when I was growing up. But for my sister, it was a different story.
I love you.
I love you too.
Her parents stayed together. Keir Keir raised my little sister in the States from the get-go. He cooked for her, took her to school, took her to Tongan functions.
Will you want me to bring them both in here?
And now, she cares for him.
How are you feeling?
I'm OK.
OK. I got some taro and some coconut milk if you want me to make you food in a little bit.
You look really pretty.
I'm OK. I look like you!
The first time I met my sister was in Tonga. She was seven, I was 21. It was her first trip to Tonga. Family from around the world were flying into Fuamoto International Airport for King Taufa Haupu Paul IV's 85th birthday celebrations.
We went and got you from the airport. So I was like on someone's shoulders and they were like, "There she is, there she is, you were wearing a long black skirt."
Yeah, I think I did. I knew by then I had to wear the right clothes. I'd already done trips where I'd worn jean shorts and that had been very frowned upon.
Frowned upon.
So I was wearing a long skirt.
Yeah, you looked fine. And it was really emotional for our dad. Like really emotional for him. He was like freaking out, acting hella weird before you got there. But it meant a lot to him.
It was only the second time I'd met my dad, and the first time I'd met him as an adult. I think I was sort of vomiting every day before I left. I didn't feel anxious, but my body was telling me that I was really freaking out about seeing our dad.
We were super awkward. You guys had like your first hug, and you guys were both like really stiff.
Yeah, I was just like, okay, here's that guy. Uh, who's my dad? But there was no connection. I don't know, it's been a feature of our relationship is that he finds it really difficult to talk to me.
The King's birthday was a massive deal. We sat for what seemed like hours cross-legged on the ground under marquees, with hundreds of others waiting before we could start eating at the kai pola, the feast.
You were like this little firecracker. Hot and fidgety and can't stop talking. Why do Tongans, why do the men wear skirts? Why do they wear skirts? And I said, "Hulita, ninos, kasi tu penos." And she's like, "Tu penos, skirts, whatever. I don't want to eat that. Where's the white bread I want? No McDonald's?"
And I had this crazy attitude because by the time Kiki had gotten to me, for whatever reason, one reason or another, he didn't get to raise any of his other kids. He didn't raise any of his other kids. So by the time I came around, the traditional things went off. Like I was just allowed to do whatever, say whatever.
You were spoiled.
Super spoiled.
Spoiled. When Hulita was little, all I could see were the differences between us. At seven, even though she was raised by a Tongan parent, Hulita didn't have proper cultural awareness. My mum, the anthropologist, had taught me to respect Tongan culture. But mum wasn't Tongan, and being told about something is very different to living it. It was another four years before we saw each other again. And again, it was in Tonga. This time, it was for our cousin's wedding to one of the princesses.
The Honorable Lubebau Salamasina Ubuera Uvali.
It was the biggest event in Tonga that year.
There were 2,000 guests.
Our family from all over the island came.
They came and somehow helped us cook for 1,000 people for the first Sunday lunch after the wedding. We turned the backyard into a giant earth kitchen with dozens of pigs on spits roasting over a 50 metre long fire pit.
So the night that we cooked for the wedding was...
You weren't cooking, you were hanging out and having fun.
Well, the night that you guys stayed up all night cooking was my favourite night. I had never experienced anything like that, night time in Tonga with just cousins everywhere and food everywhere and...
I remember feeling really proud because I stayed up all night and kind of managed the production line for various dishes. And I have no doubt that my first cousins have done this hundreds of times. But this was the first time that I had ever been kind of in charge of this. And the day came and we put on the most amazing lunch and I felt an immense pride.
I mean, there had to have been 70 to 80 people at the house roasting pigs and all of these relatives who really didn't have much. They came and gave everything they had to the wedding and it was beautiful.
For the wedding, the female relatives of the groom were wrapped in mats that were part of the dowry.
Huge aspect of Tonga culture is the ngatu or the fala, the bark beaten down and drawn with kupasi's with the traditional Tongan designs. And they're gifted to the opposite side of the family.
We stood like starfish and twisted as two people wrapped us. There were so many layers, it was awesome. They made a shelf that I could sit my drink bottle and camera on.
I would say that the closer in blood relation that you were to him, the more mats you wore.
And the nicer the mats, because I remember I watched Leewaki's mats had the finest little red feathers. And I just thought, that is the most beautiful mat. And my mats were pretty shitty.
I didn't even make it to being a bridesmaid. Oh, well. Hulita, on the other hand, was one of the 22 bridesmaids to the princess, even though she was only 11. 11, you were little.
I was 11.
By that age then, you were probably culturally more progressed than I was in some ways, as far as Tongan culture.
I definitely was, at that age, more accustomed to Tongan culture than I was the first time we went.
And really grateful that I have first cousins who are so patient that they can put up with the questions of, why are we wearing rip mats for this thing? And how long do we have to sit there? And how come everyone's wailing? And all my dumb Pālangi questions.
Pālangi is a affectionate term we use for white people. And I wonder if that's why we're not. I hesitate to use this term, but why we're not as Tongan as our first cousins.
We're not Tongan in the same way that they're Tongan. We're Pālangiloi. I feel like I'm a Pālangiloi, a white lie.
Tongans that act white. And that's a horrible way to say that, but who give off a more Western demeanor. And what's so funny is that I just feel so Tongan.
Going to weddings, wearing mats, staying up all night cooking, made me feel more Tongan. Our Tongan family's always called Hulita and me half-caste, literally meaning half-caste, as a matter-of-fact way to explain to others where we fit in. But it's always been used affectionately. I know it's not an acceptable term, but funnily enough, it made me feel more Tongan. Yet I still felt like an outsider. And to feel like I belonged, I needed to find others like me.
We always knew we had an older brother Paul in Hawaii. And I tried to find him online, but it wasn't until Facebook took off that it became a real possibility. Paul's ex-wife messaged Hulita trying to contact his family. I had to go find him.
Hulita was now 18, and so we met up in Hawaii without even knowing whether Paul would agree to meet us.
I think it was one of the most emotional trips ever. Because even though I always knew about Paulina, she was my sister. I always knew about Paul as the baby that my father lost.
And Paul was hesitant to meet us. We found out that he was struggling with addiction. He stood us up a couple of times. But finally, he came to our hotel in Waikiki. That first conversation was truly bizarre. When's your birthday? Did you like school? Let's compare our hands.
It was awkward at first. And he definitely blamed our father for a lot of the trauma that he'd been through. And he wasn't shy about saying that. And I just remember feeling guilty.
See, and I didn't feel guilty.
Well, of course not, because...
Yeah.
And I just remember feeling really guilty and saying it out loud. But he essentially just told me that he was okay and that he wasn't upset with me. And that he blamed our dad, but not me. And that he was happy that at least I got him. So I bawled. I just started crying and crying and crying. I feel like that's something that a brother's supposed to tell his little sister.
And he was happy to be claimed.
Oh.
So happy. He was angry with our dad, but he was really happy that we'd come and found him.
Our brother didn't use our father's last name anymore. I mean, he felt really disconnected. And so he found out, you know, that we wanted tattoos. And he said, "Don't worry, my friend Trevor does tattoos." We were like, "Great, have him come over to the hotel room."
The tattoo we designed was an ulua, a Hawaiian word for a particular fish, I think. The fish was filled with kupesis, tongue and motifs which are kind of intricate. I was very concerned that it'd fit on my ankle and not be too prominent. Trevor assured us that it would be fine.
He'd be like, "Don't trip, don't trip, I'm gonna put it exactly how you want." "Oh, I know how to do tattoos, yeah." At least his needles were sterile, but he had no paper towels. So he asked for one of our t-shirts and he ripped it up. And I remember thinking, like, "I don't think that shirt is clean."
And my beautiful sister volunteered to go first.
And so I went first with Trevor wiping my leg down with my sister's white t-shirt. And then the needle broke. And it was like a divine power had intervened and said, "Wake up, stop this right now. This is not a good idea."
And we went into the bathroom to look at it. Mmm.
He only got through the first quarter of it or so.
It looks like a tombstone with a fin coming out of the left side.
And people often ask me, "Why don't you get it finished?" And I say, "No, no, because it reminds me of Paul."
That's all we have of him.
That is, that's what I have of Paul.
My sister and I are so different, but together, we just make sense. I bought Australian souvenir tea towels for Paul's ex-wife. But my sister said that nobody in America gives dishcloths as gifts.
Dish towels are a weird gift. It's cool, though. It was the thought that counts.
Turns out she was right. When Holita met Paul's eight-year-old son, she started sniffing him, saying she could smell the blood.
Smell it, I know when people are related to us. I don't know why you're laughing. I've been able to do it since I was a kid.
I assured his mother this was a very Tongan thing and not to worry. Like I said, together, we made sense. I used to say that trip was one of the best things I've ever done because we found our brother Paul. But now, looking back, I realise it's because Holita and I grew so close on that trip.
I got very, very close to you on that trip. When you're, when you're like working together for a greater purpose, you really bond.
And we have fun together and it's hilarious because, well, we did not enjoy the same music. Because I remember we could never agree on a radio station to listen to in the car. So we ended up listening to the top 40. But now I have this crazy affection for all these songs from 2008, like Tyo Cruz and Kesha. You're also just amazing to me. And you're always talking really positively about yourself. And I became very aware that I talk really negatively about myself. That was like a turning point for, for me.
And I just think we were so dope together, like.
We are dope together.
We are. Yeah, together, we're just a super sensible and fun person.
And that's why we shouldn't be living on different continents.
On the last day in Hawaii, we called our dad to tell him the good news about finding Paul. He was so excited that he decided to tell us about another brother in Hawaii. He gave us the name of the boy's mother. We looked her up in the White Pages and found an address. We went to the house, but we couldn't bring ourselves to knock on her door. What would we say? What would that be like for her?
As soon as I got home to Australia, though, I sent her a letter. And then a year later, Paulita and I found ourselves booking another trip to Hawaii to meet our older brother, Phil.
Hey, Phil. Hello. It's Paulina. Hi, sis. I think the beginning of our story, I think, is when I wrote a letter to your mum, Mary. Yeah, I still get.
A letter too, I'm putting it on Ziploc and I'm putting it in my drawer. I still have it.
Oh, that's beautiful.
I was kinda shocked, I had one sister, you know, when we was face to face, then it really hit me cause we had features there.
Yeah, it's true. We're physically similar.
Looking at each other's feet, it looks similar.
I was tripping, oh.
Can I ask you, Phil, what it felt like to be found by me and Julita?
Like if you was lost?
And then you, you know, you lost something and then you found them and it feels so good. I don't know, it's like I had a new breath of life inside again. I used to see people with sisters. I always wonder how I would feel if I had a sister. Or brother. But when you came and you guys went hunt for me, oh, that felt so good. To this day, I feel good.
Me too, me too, bro. I do think you guys should come to Australia though, there's cheap flights.
We will come. We will next year.
Really?
May, May or March.
Okay, this is brilliant.
They love you.
I love you guys too.
Okay, my sister.
Au revoir. Bye. I've never consciously felt angry towards my dad, but I clearly haven't processed all my feelings about him.
It's not rational, but I blame him for the fact that I wasn't able to grow up with and know my siblings until I was an adult. But I wasn't going to let that stop me finding them or any other cousins.
About eleven years ago, I was in New Zealand when I was told about a new cousin, a niece, who I'd never met before, also Hafikasi, also with an absent Tongan father. I had to meet her.
Kia ora everyone. My full name is Tiana Idrak. Ahurangi Mill.
I'm in Wellington, so I'm just at home in Island Bay.
But it didn't stop there. Tiana told me about her half-brother in America, who was about 12 at the time. I friended him on Facebook and trying not to be too creepy, I'd drop him a line every year or so.
Yeah, hi, my name's Logan, Logan Knight Fuzitua. I'm currently at home in Okmogi, Oklahoma, in the US right now.
My mum is of Maori descent, our tribe is Ngatipuro. And my dad, his name is Matailua Fusitua, and yeah, he's of Tongan descent.
My dad is also Matailua Fusitua. Their dad, Matailua Fusitua, that's the cousin whose wedding Hulita and I went to in 2003. Before the wedding, he'd had a couple of kids, similar story to us. Same dad, different mums, two kids growing up on two different continents, not knowing about each other. They're what you'd call my second cousins. The four of us have a group chat called Half-Cast Legends, which is us reclaiming who we are. Mostly we use it to text, but sometimes we talk.
As far as I know, my mum had always told me of them. Like, when we were sitting in front of the car, my mum just looked at me and she's like, you have a little sister, by the way?
I feel like that must be our family MO, because I feel like just dropping siblings on people randomly is something that happens often.
Yeah, absolutely.
Agreed.
Logan was born within 20 miles of where I was living at the time, but neither of us actually knew.
That's wild.
Hmm, I remember just putting in our last name into Facebook. And I remember the picture too, Logan, you were super, like, young in the Facebook profile photo. And I remember just looking at it and instantly being like, I think this person's my brother.
I had to wait until I was in my 30s to find my brothers. I didn't want Tiana or Logan to have to wait that long to meet their Tongan family or each other. So, when Logan was 18, I got him a passport and convinced him to travel to Australia, New Zealand and Tonga. I don't know who was more excited, me or Tiana.
The first time meeting Logan, and I flew to Sydney. I remember getting off the plane and feeling really nervous because it was like, oh my god, I'm meeting this person.
Who was, we literally share like half the same DNA. He's my brother and he, and yet he's a stranger as well.
It was the last piece of the puzzle on the place. Like, I just understood, like, Tiana, when I first saw you, I immediately knew, like, you can see it in our faces. Hmm. We're siblings. And I remember we like clicked pretty quickly. You two are inseparable.
Inseparable. Oh, we're going for a walk down to the beach. Are we gonna go do this? And I was like, they've never met and they're just. I think I felt a bit lopsided at times because I grew up quite immersed in my Maori culture, um, where identity, family lineage and culture are everything for us. And, and yet I didn't know a whole half of me.
Putting a face to you guys and, and, and seeing how much we actually had in common despite being raised differently, it was really emotional.
Hmm. I absolutely feel Tongan. I wouldn't necessarily say I always felt that way. The trip where I got to meet everyone is what really put like roots in me that yes, you are Tongan. This, you know, this is your culture, this is your heritage, this is your family.
I think that my sister has pioneered so many connections for all of us.
Absolutely. Yes.
And this is the beauty of my sister, right? We were talking and she said, I can't believe it. Logan's never met his father. Logan's never been back home. And it was just unacceptable for her. Like, there was no way Paulina was gonna let Logan and Tiana just be floating in the world without knowing each other and going back home. And I, I think that that's beautiful.
It is. Uh, you guys are important for me because it took me a long time to tell myself that I was Tongan. I didn't wanna be Tongan when I was a kid. I wanted to be a white Aussie kid. And we are all Tongan. And our Tongan dads went out around the world and had us. So finding you guys and having you guys and telling you guys that you're also Tongan is kind of part of me owning my Tongan-ness. It's like we all have one foot in and one foot out. And Paulina has literally been able to.
Give me my brother, like he's, she's linked me to him and so many other people. And it's just been massive.
I'm like more than grateful for what you've done for us, Polina.
Oh, fa atu, we love you guys.
O fa atu, bye.
Bye.
Well, Lita and I had six days together when she was in Australia this time. It was jam packed. We sang with our auntie Fatai. We did a road trip in country New South Wales to see our cousin Jimmy, where a meat pie didn't agree with Polita.
We walked my dogs on the beach and we talked and cried and laughed and talked. And they think that's funny. And then we got matching tattoos. Proper ones this time. A contemporary Tongan tattoo designed by our nephew Logan. That's very good.
I'm gonna go interrupt that.
No one wants to be an outsider when they're a kid. Maybe ever. No one wants to feel left out, look different. What's helped me come to terms with who I am and love who I am and be proud of who I am is to find others like me. Welcome to Tonga, everyone. If you're visiting, you're welcome to enjoy this day. If you're returning home, welcome home. And now it's time to take the next generation of Hafikasis to Tonga. Welcome to Tonga, guys. Malia, welcome. It's been a long time, Kaina. It's so nice to be here. So good, so, so good.
Thanks to Polina Futsitua and producer Jennifer Macy with our sound engineer Simon Branthwaite. Next time on Earshot. What does your voice reveal about you? Not the words you say, but the other information that your voice conveys in your voice print. I'm Takun Budzi, speak to you soon.
Page updated October 29, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated