Ep 571 - Daddy's Dots

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ hello. Hope you're all having a good week. We have a podcast for you. Just the D. A. W. G. Z. Matt talks about his new Daddy Dot system and Meezy tells all on the paytch this week. So peep that if you wish. Please enjoy. God Bless. See Universal Pictures’ NOBODY 2, only in theaters August 15. Get DUDE Wipes at Amazon and retailers nationwide. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Matt McCusker?

  The Wild Wild West.

• 0:02Speaker 01

  Hey.

• 0:03Matt McCusker?

  What's up, guys?

• 0:04Speaker 01

  How are you? You saw what I was up to?

• 0:06Matt McCusker?

  That was awesome.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  New game, Holdfast. You gotta give them steel, Eddie.

• 0:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that is nice. I like the, I like the musket reload, man.

• 0:14Speaker 01

  Musket reload's nice, guys screaming. I like the community.

• 0:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? It's a community thing for me.

• 0:20Matt McCusker?

  They should, with the respawn, the community is nice with all the guys going.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  Till you get an American server.

• 0:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  Then they're not saying vive la France, they're saying the N-word.

• 0:28Matt McCusker?

  You gotta report them.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, they say it so much that it gets to the point where I'm sitting here by myself like, come on, guys.

• 0:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, guys, this is.

• 0:36Speaker 01

  I don't like that, dog. It's enough that I'm the one that's like offended. I'm like, god damn. These guys are really actually.

• 0:43Matt McCusker?

  Well, they gotta be, they gotta be.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  You can hear like kids screaming.

• 0:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they are little kids. There, I saw a thing online where a guy was talking to a kid in a game and he goes, yo, man, um, like you won some like Fortnite skin, let me talk to your mom, I'm gonna like get all the information, put it together. Soon as the mom got on there, he goes, your son just said the N-word to me, and just, just lied, just made it up. And the kid's mom was like, are you using bad language?

• 1:07Speaker 01

  Damn, that could have got any of us.

• 1:10Matt McCusker?

  Like, no, mom, I wasn't. He's lying. Although his mom was like, were you using bad, were you using naughty language again? Please stop that.

• 1:21Matt McCusker?

  She handled it with like potty mouth energy, like, come on.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  The N-word is definitely potty mouth.

• 1:25Matt McCusker?

  It's super potty mouth.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:27Matt McCusker?

  Super potty mouth stuff, dude. Yeah, it's.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  So that's what I've been up to.

• 1:30Matt McCusker?

  Just, yeah.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  Just holding, holding the line, giving them steel. Just sitting in my house by myself, laying on this gal.

• 1:36Matt McCusker?

  That's so fucking sick.

• 1:37Speaker 01

  Giving them steel.

• 1:38Matt McCusker?

  So fucking sick. I got, I, uh, the highlight of my week so far has definitely been, I got a, um, a thing for my bed that keeps it cold all the time. So I sleep on like a 55 degree pad. It's, dude, it got so cold last night, I got scared. I was like, what if I get pneumonia?

• 2:00Speaker 01

  It's crazy how scared you get at night.

• 2:02Matt McCusker?

  Ah dude, especially like-

• 2:03Speaker 01

  I get scared all the time at night.

• 2:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was crazy.

• 2:05Speaker 01

  It's pretty embarrassing.

• 2:06Matt McCusker?

  I mean, it's literally the witching hour.

• 2:08Speaker 01

  It's spooky. I need La Mer, I need you back.

• 2:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 2:11Speaker 01

  I need you back. When's your lease up? Fuck yeah. I need you in the, in the perimeter.

• 2:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  Guarding. The Ring camera is a terrible choice.

• 2:22Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it's, it goes off.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  It goes off at three in the morning because of fucking possums and shit.

• 2:26Matt McCusker?

  It'll be, there'll be like a box across the street. It's like, you know, we detected live movement. It's like, dude. Those things are so annoying. Are you a part of the Ring community as well?

• 2:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, they were, every day, somebody on crack is like, why is this helicopter circling? Every single day.

• 2:41Matt McCusker?

  No, no.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  Helicopter, uh, yesterday the internet went out and I got forty notifications. I had to turn it off.

• 2:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's really annoying. We, we had one in Philly and I was like, I just took it off my phone. I was like, I don't, whatever. Someone breaks into my house, I'll just, won't solve the crap.

• 2:55Speaker 01

  Dispatch them with steel. I'll give them steel. I might bayonet somebody.

• 2:59Matt McCusker?

  That would be, yeah, I mean, you, you really can. What states, didn't, it's California, I think. I think California passed it where you can't shoot somebody in your house. Which is kind of, it's the whole point of buying a house.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, the whole point is, hopefully you can shoot someone.

• 3:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like, we're fucked. You, you're the lease, you're the leaseholder right now, so you could kill all of us and be like, guys, I told them to get out.

• 3:19Speaker 01

  Told them.

• 3:20Matt McCusker?

  They didn't.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  I'd probably bayonet all, all of you.

• 3:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 3:25Matt McCusker?

  Nah, I would jump three times.

• 3:27Speaker 01

  If you jump, I can't bayonet. All you have to do is stand, you have to move slightly and I cannot bayonet.

• 3:33Matt McCusker?

  It's kind of the move in that game, to stand still and just move a little bit.

• 3:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:36Matt McCusker?

  That was like the cheat in Madden where people would stop, with, and you'd run, run, run, stop. It was like impossible to get the person.

• 3:43Speaker 01

  Those were the days.

• 3:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was awesome. Cousin would be Mike Vick and you're like, you're a fucking piece of shit.

• 3:48Speaker 01

  The energy in here is-

• 3:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, what the hell is going on?

• 3:51Speaker 01

  The Nox Boys are just, is something happening in the news or something that you guys are all?

• 3:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we just-

• 3:56Speaker 01

  What's going on here?

• 3:56Matt McCusker?

  We did a screen time check. Say, I think we got six hours. Sean wouldn't disclose. Nate got seven.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  Seven. Seven's a little high.

• 4:05Matt McCusker?

  What were you rocking with?

• 4:06Speaker 02

  I don't know, I've never looked at it because I'm too ashamed.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  When I heard you guys talking and alright, I'm good.

• 4:12Matt McCusker?

  Kept it safe.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  I can, I can feel superior to you.

• 4:15Matt McCusker?

  What was your, what were you rocking with?

• 4:16Speaker 01

  Uh, I did hit an eight last week. That's a rough one, but typically pretty low.

• 4:21Matt McCusker?

  It's not bad.

• 4:22Speaker 01

  Not bad.

• 4:22Matt McCusker?

  I thought I was higher.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  Speaking of screen time, let's add to it. What's going on?

• 4:25Matt McCusker?

  I'm at 235 right now.

• 4:26Speaker 01

  Check my texts real quick.

• 4:28Matt McCusker?

  Two hours, 35 minutes.

• 4:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, I got, I've been trying to, like, even watching movies, I have to throw my phone.

• 4:36Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:37Speaker 01

  Cause I'll just keep picking it up. The second the movie rolls, I go, let's look at.

• 4:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, I, one time, the first time I've ever seen somebody do something like that, I was in somebody's, unfortunately, I was in a man's bedroom, but I wasn't having sex and I was selling marijuana, but I was in a man's bedroom and, he was doing TV stereo, he had TV on, was playing music and just hitting the phone all at once. I remember being, this was like years ago, I remember being like, what the fuck?

• 5:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's terrible.

• 5:04Matt McCusker?

  It was crazy. Just get, you're just getting rocking, man, just firing everything up and just being like, I don't want to think at all. I remember being struck by that, but yeah, the movie, I do the phone while my kids watch TV and I even, even during that, I feel just like a fucking lump. They're, they're just staring at a screen and I'm like dipping out on the couch next to them like.

• 5:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:25Matt McCusker?

  Anytime they look at my screen, I'm like, yo, don't look at that.

• 5:27Speaker 01

  Don't look at that.

• 5:28Matt McCusker?

  It's fucked up.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:30Matt McCusker?

  You'll actually find that very offensive one day.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  No matter what, no matter what I'm looking at. Yeah, it's either gonna be a girl or it's gonna be a terrorist attack. I watched a guy, a bridge collapsed yesterday in Ukraine.

• 5:42Matt McCusker?

  Oh, no.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Terrifying. Just a guy on it.

• 5:44Matt McCusker?

  One guy?

• 5:45Speaker 01

  He was like welding, yeah. Pretty terrible. He hit the one part, the, the entire thing collapsed and it was like, oh, fuck, it was terrifying.

• 5:55Matt McCusker?

  Dude.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that fucking sucks. I'd like to think, I've, I've ran the drill mentally of like getting out of the car, the bridge collapses, you like pop the thing, swim out, but I feel like you sink really fast.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 6:10Matt McCusker?

  If you're in a car, first of all, the impact of falling off the bridge in your car and hitting the water has gotta be a rough impact.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  If you're, yeah, if you're in your car, that'll be tough.

• 6:18Matt McCusker?

  You're done.

• 6:19Speaker 01

  I think you're done.

• 6:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't like.

• 6:20Speaker 01

  Bridge collapse, you're, you're dead.

• 6:22Matt McCusker?

  Just from debris alone.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  Debris is gonna land on you, you're gonna, yeah.

• 6:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but then you're gonna.

• 6:25Speaker 01

  It depends how high the bridge, you're probably just gonna die.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  What type of bridge are we talking?

• 6:30Matt McCusker?

  We'll go like.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  We're talking crossing the mighty Susquehanna?

• 6:34Matt McCusker?

  Susquehanna alone would fucking carry you, bro.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  Susquehanna is a little shallow.

• 6:37Matt McCusker?

  Is it really?

• 6:38Speaker 01

  It's a shallow river. I mean, I'm sure there's deep parts, but yeah, you'd hit some rocks. That'd be a negative, negative time.

• 6:44Matt McCusker?

  Then you gotta swim out of like a.

• 6:45Speaker 01

  But that's a new bridge. The Terrapack's putting together some great bridges.

• 6:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're, yeah. Pennsylvania taxpayers. If I was a Pennsylvania taxpayer, I'd be happy as hell.

• 6:53Speaker 01

  I'd be happy as hell with the, the bridges. Potholes not a great. But yeah, I love, love the Terrapack.

• 7:00Matt McCusker?

  What's going on with this country's infrastructure? Are we gonna build some fucking roads or what?

• 7:03Speaker 01

  I, I feel like they're building roads every single place I've ever been.

• 7:06Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it's not a stop.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  And they're not done.

• 7:09Matt McCusker?

  No, they'll never be done. They're fucking, they're literally, they're everywhere.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:13Matt McCusker?

  They're shutting down like the highway near my house for like five years.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  Should've been a boom.

• 7:19Matt McCusker?

  Yo.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  You know?

• 7:20Matt McCusker?

  Where the fuck were the roads?

• 7:21Speaker 01

  A boom?

• 7:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, a boon, it's a boon.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  Should've been a boom.

• 7:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we should've came back from COVID.

• 7:26Speaker 01

  If you listen closely that I, I, I hedged my bet there a little. Cause I wasn't sure if it was a boomer, boon, so I was like, it's boom.

• 7:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, it should've been the infrastructure boom.

• 7:39Matt McCusker?

  It really should've been, man.

• 7:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:40Matt McCusker?

  Let's get, let's get a.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  I don't know if they did that. Did they do that when everybody was chilling?

• 7:43Matt McCusker?

  No, everyone, nobody did anything. They fired everybody. They fired everybody. No one, people had no choice other than to fucking pop their wives. Or pop their wives. Hey, you get unemployed long enough, dude. After like three days, you start getting the itch. You go, I wanna fucking.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  You go, I've been hanging out there way too long. Let's, uh, let's break up this one too.

• 8:03Matt McCusker?

  It is a sad fact about humanity that if you like lose your job, it's just a matter of time.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 8:08Matt McCusker?

  You're gonna fucking just.

• 8:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, cause you're embarrassed, you're ashamed.

• 8:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 8:15Speaker 01

  She starts going, you're pathetic. You go, oh my God, you say that before the fight.

• 8:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that would stink.

• 8:21Speaker 01

  Talk to me after the, the bell rings, you know?

• 8:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  Hit the fucking Khabib. Now we talk. We talk now.

• 8:30Matt McCusker?

  I mean, they were just hyping up the fight.

• 8:31Speaker 01

  They're trying to sell some tickets.

• 8:32Matt McCusker?

  That's the pre-fight. That's the pre-fight match.

• 8:34Speaker 01

  They're gonna hit the McGregor. They're gonna go, "It's just business, man." And you're gonna go, "No, now we talk." This episode is brought to you by Universal Pictures' Nobody 2. A couple of years, a couple of years ago, Bob Odenkirk showed up out of nowhere as an action star in Nobody. Now he's back in the sequel, Nobody 2. Holy cow. This time, Hutch tries to go on vacation with his family, and all hell breaks loose. It's a real delight to see a guy like Odenkirk kick some serious ass. Jesus. Produced by 87 North, the same team behind hits like John Wick, Bullet Train, and The Fall Guy. Uh, don't miss Universal Pictures' Nobody 2, only in theaters August 15th.

• 9:16Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 9:17Speaker 01

  You ever see Nobody?

• 9:18Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  It's really good.

• 9:19Matt McCusker?

  I gotta check it out.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, you'll like it. It's a fun one. It's a fun little flick.

• 9:25Matt McCusker?

  I gotta check it out for sure.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  We gotta check it out.

• 9:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, uh, I don't know.

• 9:28Speaker 01

  I wonder if those Dagestani's ever put hands on their women?

• 9:31Matt McCusker?

  Yes, yes.

• 9:33Speaker 01

  They probably don't strike. They probably just go straight to the ground, dude. Boring ass woman. Goes five rounds. They just wear them out.

• 9:40Matt McCusker?

  Their neighbors are like, "Oh, come on, man. This is boring."

• 9:43Speaker 01

  Stand up.

• 9:44Matt McCusker?

  It's just boring, man.

• 9:45Speaker 01

  Standing bang. Yeah, but those Dagestani's just wrestle the shit out of their women.

• 9:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I just feel like, yeah, you can just tell.

• 9:56Speaker 01

  What, those guys?

• 9:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  I don't, I don't think they hit the right.

• 9:59Matt McCusker?

  That face.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  That face, I think.

• 10:01Matt McCusker?

  You think they're going like, "Babe, I see where you're coming from."

• 10:04Speaker 01

  I think their women know.

• 10:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 10:06Speaker 01

  That guy's, he's gonna get you.

• 10:10Matt McCusker?

  They probably have like entrance music.

• 10:11Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, true.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  Are the Dagestani babes' faces covered? I don't think.

• 10:18Speaker 02

  They're, they're pretty devout Muslims, so I, I assumed they would be.

• 10:22Matt McCusker?

  Uh, yeah, good point.

• 10:23Speaker 02

  But the eyes, you could still catch a black eye.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can catch a little condescending glance.

• 10:27Matt McCusker?

  That's what I'm saying. Or you just see that fucking, you know, shredder flap just moving. You know they're talking shit, and you're like, "What did you say?"

• 10:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:35Matt McCusker?

  "What did you say?"

• 10:35Speaker 01

  "Now we talk."

• 10:36Matt McCusker?

  "Nothing."

• 10:37Speaker 01

  Uh, smash you.

• 10:38Matt McCusker?

  Smash.

• 10:40Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I read something recently. I'll be honest, I was trying to figure out if there was a historical record of Europeans first encountering Chinese and Japanese people. Like, what was their general impression? If they've never seen them before. Like, my, my honest question was like, is there historical records of them being like, dude, it was hilarious? Yeah, dude, yeah, they talked about polo.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can get some, especially the Jesuits going to like Japan.

• 11:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Dude, the Japanese were fucking wild.

• 11:09Speaker 01

  Rocking those dudes.

• 11:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they were just, they carried swords. Yeah, they were, they were like, but they apparently, they were super, the, uh, the Japanese were like super curious, especially about religious stuff. And that's what kind of got them. Cause they would like fuck people up, but the missionaries came through.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  The missionaries came through and got tortured for like 400 years.

• 11:27Matt McCusker?

  They got bucked, for sure.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  And then eventually, I think it was the Dutch that started being able to trade. There were, cause it was a, no one was allowed to trade there.

• 11:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  And then the Dutch started being like, come on, guys.

• 11:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  Come on.

• 11:38Matt McCusker?

  Come on, let us, let us.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  We're chill, let us have one port.

• 11:41Matt McCusker?

  We're cute, the Dutch, why do they get away from like, cause every other European country, it's, I mean, it's obviously well documented, they were bad boys, but like.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  Dutch were real bad, man.

• 11:49Matt McCusker?

  They were bad, man, dude.

• 11:50Speaker 01

  Crazy, they got India, Japan.

• 11:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, they got.

• 11:53Matt McCusker?

  Everyone always talks about Britain, you know, you don't really hear about like the Dutch.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  Deutsches. Dutch went wild.

• 11:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they were fucking, but then they got back to Amsterdam, we're like, yo, brother, we're just chilling, man. Chilling, man.

• 12:06Speaker 01

  What was their fucking, the province, fuck, I forget what they were called.

• 12:08Matt McCusker?

  Didn't they have the Dutch trading?

• 12:09Speaker 01

  It wasn't Holland, yeah, it was the Dutch East Indies.

• 12:12Matt McCusker?

  Dang.

• 12:13Speaker 01

  Dutch.

• 12:13Matt McCusker?

  Well, they came out with those, they came out with those blunts and just cashed in.

• 12:18Speaker 01

  Dutch masters, yeah.

• 12:21Matt McCusker?

  Like, yo, we're good.

• 12:22Speaker 01

  Why am I forgetting their name? The name of the country. It wasn't Holland or Netherlands, it was a.

• 12:27Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 12:28Speaker 01

  Pro- province, some bullshit.

• 12:34Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. Oh, they had like a Prussia pre-country kind of thing? Hey, what the fire? I didn't even know that, to be honest.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, they were going wild.

• 12:42Matt McCusker?

  Huh?

• 12:44Speaker 01

  That's one of them, but uh, whatever.

• 12:48Speaker 01

  It's okay. Don't be sorry, bud.

• 12:49Matt McCusker?

  OG Dutch.

• 12:50Speaker 01

  There's nothing we can do about it. I'm just going off of...

• 12:54Speaker 01

  Nope, but that's okay. We'll figure it out someday.

• 12:57Matt McCusker?

  You know what's crazy? So I was, I was reading, so I did grok that question. I did want to see if European dudes just like, went to China and just at first were like, just a little, just a little bit. It's like, cause I was trying to, I feel like it is funny. Like, I'm not even being mean. It's like, it's funny. The first time to never hear like a hardcore, like straight from Chinese or straight from China, Chinese guy talk. If you've never seen that before, I was wondering like, is it inherently funny or you know, am I a jerk? Cause I would make in the argument like it is kind of inherently funny.

• 13:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:27Matt McCusker?

  It just is. Like it makes me laugh.

• 13:29Speaker 01

  That's fair.

• 13:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Just seeing like an old Asian dude like move around or like yell, it's, it's funny.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  I think they were doing, I don't know. I don't know how funny it would be because I think they were doing their own thing. The thing that makes it funny is when they're acting Western.

• 13:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I guess you're right.

• 13:42Speaker 01

  Kind of doing it wrong.

• 13:44Matt McCusker?

  Yes. I think you're a hundred percent right.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  You're wearing a business suit to like jog.

• 13:49Speaker 01

  You're just slightly off. There's something funny about it.

• 13:53Matt McCusker?

  That's exactly what it is. Cause they were, it was, they were just purely impressed. They were like, yo, these dudes are fucking legit. They went over there and they're like, the weird thing though, so the Chinese apparently were like, if you visited, they were like super hospitable. Japanese weren't very hospitable. I guess at first Chinese were super hospitable. And they would even be like, yo, if my, if my wife thinks you're hot, you can fuck my wife, but I gotta run, I gotta make sure she's cool with it. So if you like were a house guest, they'd be like, you can fuck my wife. Just like, I gotta make sure she's down with it.

• 14:21Speaker 01

  China might not be asshole.

• 14:23Matt McCusker?

  China's not asshole, dude.

• 14:24Speaker 01

  China, I think we're getting propaganda. China's not asshole.

• 14:28Matt McCusker?

  That is, then it's like, when was Marco Polo? What, like?

• 14:31Speaker 01

  I don't even, fifteen?

• 14:34Matt McCusker?

  Fifteen hundreds? Yeah. Marco Polo went over there with his boys and apparently they were just like, yo, do your thing.

• 14:41Speaker 01

  Thirteen, yeah.

• 14:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we were.

• 14:44Speaker 01

  That was Mongolians.

• 14:46Matt McCusker?

  Yes, it was apparently it was a Mongolian custom that the Chinese had adopted. Mongolians are freaky.

• 14:51Speaker 01

  Mongolians are freak balls. They're even the last guys you wanna see, dude. Freaky ass balls.

• 14:56Matt McCusker?

  Which is funny, that was like, that was an accepted custom at the time, like, oh dude, yeah, here's some, here's some food and also.

• 15:01Speaker 01

  Also, you want a little pussy?

• 15:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  Hey, you're horny also, I got some pussy here.

• 15:06Matt McCusker?

  It'd be rude of me not to have you empty the sack. It's just crazy though.

• 15:10Speaker 01

  I want you to be able to sleep comfortably. You can't go to sleep with a full sack, come on, man. Plow my wife.

• 15:18Matt McCusker?

  Plow my wife, please.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  Plow my wife. Plow my wife, hey.

• 15:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was fucking wild, man. Cause I was like, what if, like, you know, cause obviously the Europeans did kinda dominate culture pretty hard. But it's like, man, if it went the other way. What if China dominated us and we all had to cuck out just to be, you know, nice, to be nice? I don't say cuck, you know, I say it more like the ultimate host kinda way.

• 15:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:42Matt McCusker?

  Super host Airbnb.

• 15:47Matt McCusker?

  Four point two stars, wife's pussy was kinda trash. Backpack, back patio was kinda cool though. Walls were thin as hell, made out of fucking paper.

• 15:58Speaker 01

  Fell through the wall in the middle of the night.

• 16:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's.

• 16:01Speaker 01

  Just walked right through it, hammered, kool-aided into their fucking bedroom.

• 16:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they were thin walls, so you'd be like, alright, thanks, and you would plow the dude's wife behind a piece of construction paper.

• 16:11Speaker 01

  That's why they're quiet. That's why they're so quiet, they're just generations of like, hey, man, fuck that guy.

• 16:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  Fuck that guy.

• 16:21Matt McCusker?

  Man, that is so, that is just like, for real, I was like reading that, I'm like, that is so nice. To be like, you know, man, you've, you got, how long was your, how long was your, a bunch of guy, you were on a boat with a bunch of guys for six months?

• 16:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude.

• 16:33Matt McCusker?

  Come on.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  It's time.

• 16:35Matt McCusker?

  Plowing my wife. But then it'd be crazy if he'd be like, let me check. And the wife's like, I'm not plowing that dude. You'd have to come out to him and be like,

• 16:41Speaker 01

  Bro.

• 16:42Matt McCusker?

  My wife's not really feeling any dude.

• 16:43Speaker 01

  Bad news. She's tired again.

• 16:45Matt McCusker?

  I got bad news.

• 16:46Speaker 01

  Sure, stomach's upset.

• 16:47Matt McCusker?

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• 16:50Speaker 01

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• 16:51Matt McCusker?

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• 17:07Matt McCusker?

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• 17:26Speaker 01

  Incredible.

• 17:28Matt McCusker?

  But I think back, I feel like in, and this is just from reading Shogun, this is, I'm jumping to Japan now. I feel like being a prostitute back then was like somewhat respected. It was like a world, it was called the Willow World. It was like, you were like, you were just totally dedicated to like pleasures. And it was like, it was like a whorehouse was like a magical place. You'd be like, it's time for me to go over there.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, they always write like that.

• 17:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 17:50Speaker 01

  I've seen a lot of those things where it was like, oh, the brothel, what a glorious, it's like, that must've been a fucking shithole.

• 17:56Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, well.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  Must've been disgusting.

• 17:57Matt McCusker?

  No, they were clean. They were super, super clean, dude. They, it was funny, according to European standards, they're like, dude, they're taking like five baths.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  Standards were crazy.

• 18:06Matt McCusker?

  They were like, the Chinese take like six baths a month, or six baths a month. These guys are the cleanest guys we know.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  There was like a king that took like three baths in a year and everyone in England was like, this fucking pussy. He thinks he's better than us. He took like three.

• 18:21Matt McCusker?

  He was so metro.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  He was metro. They probably killed him, like, oh, my, fuck.

• 18:27Speaker 01

  I've been battling for America on the, uh, hold fast.

• 18:31Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 18:32Speaker 01

  The British don't like us.

• 18:34Matt McCusker?

  What the fuck?

• 18:34Speaker 01

  On video games, everybody hates everybody. So everyone just.

• 18:37Matt McCusker?

  Fair.

• 18:37Speaker 01

  You get some USA chants going with all the other Americans. It's very funny.

• 18:40Matt McCusker?

  So what's, what's the war?

• 18:42Speaker 01

  The thing they're getting us on now is Epstein. And that hurts dude, getting called like.

• 18:47Matt McCusker?

  Oh, well, what about?

• 18:48Speaker 01

  Your whole country's pedophiles. I know. I was tossing some of them in.

• 18:50Matt McCusker?

  What about Prince Andrew, bro?

• 18:51Speaker 01

  Said Prince Andrew, was it Bat, Bat, Mount Batten?

• 18:55Matt McCusker?

  Who's that guy?

• 18:55Speaker 01

  Isn't that the guy's name? The IRA blew him up and I think he was a pedophile.

• 19:00Matt McCusker?

  Their, their country is literally run by pedophiles, dude. Looking into the royal family.

• 19:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, but when you're screaming into a headset.

• 19:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you don't have time.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Nobody's taking time to fucking.

• 19:08Matt McCusker?

  Hold on guys, hold on guys. This is, I feel like you're maligning my country right now.

• 19:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:13Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I was, speaking of, uh, the political debates, I watched Dave Smith's recent debate with this guy from the New York Times.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  How'd it go?

• 19:21Matt McCusker?

  It's the funniest, I, it's might be the funniest video I've ever seen in my life.

• 19:25Speaker 01

  Times is probably not ready for.

• 19:27Matt McCusker?

  It's an ex New York Times guy and it's like, he comes off, right off the bat, he comes out hot. He's like, yeah, dude, he calls Dave Smith a Holocaust denier. Dave Smith actually, he actually denies that. He denies the Holocaust. So he's a Holocaust denier denier.

• 19:41Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 19:41Matt McCusker?

  So he comes out and he's like, no, why did I say that? And he brought up a clip from 10 years ago of him with, with, doesn't look great, Richard Spencer.

• 19:50Matt McCusker?

  10 years ago and Dave is talking to him and he jokingly, he does a joke. He obviously says it like, you know, the fun way, being like, well, that didn't happen as a joke.

• 19:59Speaker 01

  Sometimes people make that joke.

• 20:01Matt McCusker?

  It's funny.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  It's a funny joke.

• 20:02Matt McCusker?

  It's a funny joke.

• 20:03Speaker 01

  That's a fuck.

• 20:04Matt McCusker?

  When you're with your friend.

• 20:05Speaker 01

  It's gotta run its course though.

• 20:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you can't, well, now it's popular.

• 20:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, people are really hitting that joke.

• 20:10Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 20:10Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 20:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you can, you can get a nice little, uh, to anyone, I, I hear, a lot of people ask me like, you know, what can I do for my podcast? It's like, honestly, if you want to get numbers quick. Look into some alternative history.

• 20:24Speaker 01

  Some alternative history going.

• 20:25Matt McCusker?

  Next time a host asks me in a comedy club, like, yo, like, you have any advice? Like, bro, look into it.

• 20:30Speaker 01

  Look into LIDAR.

• 20:33Speaker 01

  Look into wooden doors. Base your personality around that.

• 20:36Matt McCusker?

  All right, buy a fuck ton of bitcoins, they're gonna take your cat away. But then, but yeah, he was just like, Dave got, he bullied him, like, very, it was, it was hard to watch. Cause he just bullied this man so hard and then it devolved to the point where they started calling each other names. Like they're gonna fight. It was so fucking funny.

• 21:00Speaker 01

  The failing New York Times was mad?

• 21:01Matt McCusker?

  Failing New York Times hit him with, the libs love this. They go, you're a little man. They hit him with little man. And then Dave hit him with an alt-right attack, which is.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  You're wow, wow. Wes.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  Damn, they really went for it.

• 21:15Matt McCusker?

  They went nuts, dude.

• 21:16Speaker 01

  That is funny, the libs, the libs love hitting that.

• 21:19Matt McCusker?

  You're a little man, you're a sad little man.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Small dick and you're fucking gay. And you're like, hold on a second, isn't that?

• 21:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, what the fuck?

• 21:25Speaker 01

  Everything you don't, you know?

• 21:27Matt McCusker?

  I know, they do, they, yeah. They love nothing more than talking about closeted Republicans. Gay Republicans are like, you guys are all gay and you wanna suck our little dicks.

• 21:36Speaker 01

  Those closeted Republicans are.

• 21:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're hilarious.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  They're great.

• 21:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we gotta let them be, yeah. We gotta let them be gay.

• 21:43Speaker 01

  Let the boys be gay. They can't, they gotta be like fake Christians.

• 21:46Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 21:47Speaker 01

  It's like, bro, just suck the dick. You love it. You love it.

• 21:51Matt McCusker?

  Also, they're more powerful. Once Republicans are like, yeah, I'm sucking dick, now the left goes, ah shit, fuck. Cause then you can make all the points. You can go, bro.

• 22:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, we need to go to war.

• 22:02Matt McCusker?

  If you're a political science major, the first thing you should do, if you're a Republican political science major, you should be in college sucking as many dicks as possible. So that you can wipe the floor with people in the, on the monk debates.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  I was genuinely talking to my agent yesterday and I was like, dude, I think I might just turn gay.

• 22:18Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 22:19Speaker 01

  It's like, once these tickets start drying up, I'm fucking hitting the switch. We're gonna be fucking rich.

• 22:27Speaker 01

  I'm gay as hell now.

• 22:28Matt McCusker?

  You can come back too, like Lil Nas X I think came back. He got the gay bag and came back and was like, nah.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  He's not gay now?

• 22:34Matt McCusker?

  I don't think he's gay no mo.

• 22:35Speaker 01

  There's no coming back from that dude.

• 22:37Matt McCusker?

  No, he's, yeah, he sucked the devil's dick, then he had a baby.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  He had a baby?

• 22:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, he had a baby like a couple, maybe like last year.

• 22:43Speaker 01

  Is it Lil Lil Nas X?

• 22:45Matt McCusker?

  It was like the little sparkly troll, it's like, hold me daddy.

• 22:49Speaker 01

  Wait, he's a kid?

• 22:50Matt McCusker?

  That's a troll's deep cut.

• 22:54Speaker 01

  All my friends with kids just have the dick is kids movie references.

• 22:58Matt McCusker?

  Can you look up, can you look up the glitter troll, Sean?

• 23:05Speaker 03

  That's lies, I seen it on Twitter.

• 23:11Matt McCusker?

  Oh, well, maybe we'll, you know, maybe we'll get a clear answer on that. Sean saying.

• 23:16Speaker 03

  Oh, he was pregnant.

• 23:18Matt McCusker?

  Wait, Lil Nas X was pregnant?

• 23:22Speaker 03

  It was a picture of him pregnant on the cover of his album.

• 23:25Speaker 01

  And that was what made you think he had a kid?

• 23:27Speaker 03

  I, yes.

• 23:30Matt McCusker?

  Wait, fuck, man. Lemare, the reputation of this podcast hangs upon the information you provide us.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, you guys are supposed to give us good info.

• 23:38Matt McCusker?

  But if you're saying Lil Nas X was pregnant, I believe you.

• 23:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, the devil works in mysterious ways. Gave the devil head and then got pregnant.

• 23:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but I feel like he walked it back and is, he was saying like he likes girls too, maybe?

• 23:52Speaker 02

  Uh, I'm gonna, I'm.

• 23:54Matt McCusker?

  I swear to, I remember this. Or maybe I was just hoping.

• 24:00Speaker 01

  He does have some great songs.

• 24:01Matt McCusker?

  He's, yeah, Lil Nas X fucking rules, hitting dude. He's bisexual now.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, you're clearly gay.

• 24:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I wonder, man. I don't, yeah, I guess he, yeah, I guess he's, he came across gay as can be, I'm surprised he's like.

• 24:18Speaker 01

  Didn't, uh, what's his name do that too? Who's the gay, uh, British guy? Blonde hair.

• 24:26Speaker 01

  Politician, uh, political guy.

• 24:27Speaker 02

  Milo.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Milo.

• 24:28Matt McCusker?

  Milo, yes. Milo had some wild accusations. He was saying he sugged somebody of high profile. Someone of high profile said something. He goes, yeah, that's why I remember I sugged you.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 24:39Matt McCusker?

  It was an actor, actually. Now I remember. It was, it was like a very high ranking actor guy.

• 24:43Speaker 01

  What? And he was trying to talk shit on Milo? He was saying, he was just, he was just- I gave you head.

• 24:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, basically. Oh dude, it was Toby, he claims he sucked Toby Maguire's dick.

• 24:52Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 24:53Matt McCusker?

  He claims he sugged Toby-

• 24:54Speaker 01

  No way, he sucked Toby.

• 24:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he claimed, Toby was saying something and Milo, I think, came out of nowhere. I was like, yeah, that's why I sugged yo motherf-

• 25:00Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 25:01Matt McCusker?

  That's why I sugged yo dick, motherfucker. And it was like, take money.

• 25:05Speaker 01

  It's a good comeback.

• 25:07Matt McCusker?

  That's tough, man. I mean, yeah, what a fucking, hey, I don't know why, I'm not saying I believe it. I don't know what happened, but-

• 25:15Speaker 02

  Allegedly.

• 25:15Matt McCusker?

  That hurts, bro.

• 25:17Speaker 01

  I feel like Toby's a pussy getting fellow.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  He was in the pussy posse.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  He was in the pussy posse.

• 25:22Matt McCusker?

  Although, like I said, dude-

• 25:23Speaker 01

  David Blaine, Q-Tip, was it DiCaprio and Toby?

• 25:26Speaker 02

  It was another hunk, yeah, I don't know. Maybe DiCaprio.

• 25:30Speaker 01

  I think it was DiCaprio, Toby, David Blaine and Q-Tip.

• 25:34Matt McCusker?

  They were the pussy squad?

• 25:35Speaker 01

  They called themselves the pussy posse.

• 25:36Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 25:37Speaker 01

  They would go out and get pussy.

• 25:40Matt McCusker?

  Damn, they were doing, they were like-

• 25:41Speaker 01

  It was probably so cool in the nineties, early two thousands to be like, yo, we're the pussy posse.

• 25:45Matt McCusker?

  Pussy posse, so, although, here's the thing, it's like-

• 25:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, Leo.

• 25:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're big time celebrities, so it's like, they're clearly getting pussy.

• 25:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:52Matt McCusker?

  The fact that you're setting up the posse is like-

• 25:54Speaker 01

  And you got a magician in the squad?

• 25:56Matt McCusker?

  That's tough.

• 25:57Speaker 01

  It's pussy time.

• 25:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  He's gonna, yeah, he's gonna confuse the hoes. He's gonna hit them with a spell of confusion.

• 26:03Matt McCusker?

  I still get, I still get mystery videos on, you remember Mystery from the Pickup Artist on VH1? He's still doing like seminars and shit. We should get him on the pod. He's nice.

• 26:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, that'd be nice.

• 26:13Matt McCusker?

  Talks about like breaking into sets.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  What set?

• 26:16Matt McCusker?

  A set is just like a group of girls.

• 26:17Speaker 01

  A group of girls.

• 26:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like how would you, if you, if you saw a set, how would you approach the set?

• 26:22Speaker 01

  I don't know, that's, I, I don't approach the set.

• 26:24Matt McCusker?

  You wouldn't approach the set?

• 26:25Speaker 01

  I have, I, I hold the set. I hold the frame, yes.

• 26:28Matt McCusker?

  Mystery would agree with that.

• 26:29Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 26:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's, you definitely, you don't, what he was saying is, you don't go up and say,

• 26:34Speaker 01

  I'll probably flash.

• 26:35Matt McCusker?

  Excuse me?

• 26:35Speaker 01

  Clear, flashbang. Probably breach the door, quick flashbang, grab one of them. Zip ties.

• 26:44Matt McCusker?

  If that's your frame, I'm not gonna hate your frame, that's your frame, that's a strong frame.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  The five of us could easily do that, dude, I need you guys to stack the, stack the door, twos on each side. Maybe a battering ram, yeah, we should bring a ram to the club.

• 26:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 26:56Speaker 01

  Just in case they wanna, just in case they wanna lock a door.

• 26:58Matt McCusker?

  Kick the door, have the party ball?

• 27:00Speaker 01

  Just in case they lock the, breach that, yeah.

• 27:04Matt McCusker?

  I'll come in the back with the party ball and just fucking shh, hit them in the mouth?

• 27:09Matt McCusker?

  Remember party balls? Dude, they were the sick, I remember going to like my brother's college party, like, we have a party ball, and I'd be like, yo.

• 27:16Speaker 01

  Dude, that's so much worse than a keg, but for some reason, so cool.

• 27:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's like, it's like two cases of beer. In a tiny little ball, they were fucking sick, though.

• 27:23Speaker 01

  They were sick.

• 27:24Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, he said you should never, if, if you're approaching a set, you wanna break into the set, you'd never lead with like, hey, excuse me, I'm sorry, he goes, why are you excusing yourself? And what are you sorry for? You'd never, you just, you walk up and you say, I'm here to talk to you now. I gotta, like, I, I, I'm not denying the guy.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  Are all just, you just have to be autistic?

• 27:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  I'm here. I'm not sorry about anything, I'd like to talk to you.

• 27:50Matt McCusker?

  Yes, you have to call.

• 27:51Speaker 01

  Fucking crazy.

• 27:52Matt McCusker?

  Or, but you can't be wanting anything.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  I'd give him steel, laddie, if he came over.

• 27:56Matt McCusker?

  You'd what?

• 27:56Speaker 01

  I'd fix the bayonet. If I saw a guy do that, I'd go, ah, fucking, fucking George. Vive la France.

• 28:04Matt McCusker?

  It's all about not wanting anything, you have to come from a place of abundance and just walk up and be like, yo, the energy is just crazy in here, then just like walk away, very mysterious, walk away.

• 28:16Matt McCusker?

  Turn around and be like, don't you wish you could hang out with me? And just like walk away.

• 28:20Speaker 01

  Just go sit, stand a couple of feet away. And go, alright, it's time to go back in. Dude, the energy is crazy, right?

• 28:27Matt McCusker?

  You gotta go join your four other boys dressed like a pirate of the Caribbean and just wait for the babes to come over.

• 28:30Speaker 01

  They are the pirates.

• 28:31Matt McCusker?

  Dude, for real.

• 28:32Speaker 01

  They just wait, dude.

• 28:33Matt McCusker?

  He was, dude, he was like the, I think he was like the granddaddy of peacocking. That's where it all came from.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  That's where Gerby's got it.

• 28:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. You just come up and you, you know, you break, then you bounce the set to like-

• 28:43Speaker 01

  That has to be the most embarrassing phase to have gone through. Like Gerby's trying to peacock.

• 28:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 28:48Speaker 01

  Is the most embarrassing thing I've heard any of our friends do.

• 28:53Matt McCusker?

  Stuff.

• 28:54Speaker 01

  Like getting a big belt buckle? That's what he did. He went out and got a like big belt buckle to try to peacock.

• 29:00Matt McCusker?

  Did you ever, when you were in college or like younger, tried to play the, did you ever try to play the numbers game?

• 29:05Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 29:06Matt McCusker?

  Where you just tried to talk to as many women as possible.

• 29:08Speaker 01

  No, I've never, I've never really, uh, just cold called the babes.

• 29:12Matt McCusker?

  I've cold called the babes.

• 29:13Speaker 01

  I've never cold called, ever.

• 29:14Matt McCusker?

  I've done it. You get like nine shots and you just start walking up like, hey.

• 29:19Speaker 01

  Actually, I probably have and just don't, I guarantee you I have and just don't remember. I've just been hammered about, should we kiss? Ew, yeah, whatever, bitch.

• 29:30Matt McCusker?

  Cause I remember like getting, waking up, just like semi blacked out and having like new numbers and just no idea what these people looked like. And like, hey, what's going on? It's never went anywhere. Yeah. Yo, that was really fun last night. We should chill.

• 29:42Speaker 01

  The vibes in here were crazy.

• 29:44Matt McCusker?

  Vibes are fun. The energy was nuts. I'm coming from a place of, I'm texting you from abundance right now. I'm not desperate to kiss you. Yeah, that, uh, that's gotta be, I feel like for young guys now, it's tough.

• 29:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:00Matt McCusker?

  I, I still feel like, in terms of making the approach.

• 30:04Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah. The, the rules have changed.

• 30:06Matt McCusker?

  The rules have certainly changed.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  We went through a societal shift and you're not allowed to, the approach is terrifying approach.

• 30:13Matt McCusker?

  At the bar, I think, I still think the move is to like, and I, I've seen people do this out and maybe it's just me, but I feel like you have to look like you're having more fun than you're actually having. And try to attract the babes that way by having like the ultimate like high fives. And I, I remember doing this like semi consciously in college being like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And be like, fuck. They don't, they don't, they don't think we're having that much fun.

• 30:36Speaker 01

  This episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast is brought to you by Dude Wipes.

• 30:42Matt McCusker?

  Have you left poop streaks in someone else's toilet? Yeah, every time.

• 30:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, every single time.

• 30:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I did it all week.

• 30:47Speaker 01

  It's a fucking disaster.

• 30:48Matt McCusker?

  I left a, I mean, I literally painted my bowl this morning.

• 30:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:51Matt McCusker?

  It was crazy.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  There's nothing wrong with that.

• 30:53Matt McCusker?

  No, it was, it felt great.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  Do you ever pack extra underwear when you travel? How much extra? Do you ever need it?

• 31:01Matt McCusker?

  Pretty much an extra pair per day.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, I always bring extra underwear, yeah.

• 31:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yes.

• 31:04Speaker 01

  Not because I'm fucking shitting my pants constantly.

• 31:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I used to probably work it out.

• 31:08Speaker 01

  How the fuck are you guys getting at here? Do you wipe standing or sitting down? Does it make a difference? What is going on, dude? How horny are these people? What do they want to know?

• 31:18Matt McCusker?

  There's got to be something about standing up, though. Like, I'm a stand-up wiper, honestly. Sitting down, I just smears everything. I don't know, I can't do it.

• 31:25Speaker 01

  Uh, well, Matt, whichever way you wipe, it's time to show your B-hole some respect and upgrade to Dude Wipes. Dude Wipes tackle the mess without any fuss, and the flushable design makes cleanup a breeze. They leave no room for dingleberries or stray butt crumbs that TP might miss. Plus, they're extra-large and designed for adults. So no, uh, so no more endless rolls or settling for a less-than-perfect wipe. Dude Wipes: Best Clean Pants Down. Available, these guys are really funny. Amazon, uh, it's available on Amazon and at major retailers nationwide.

• 31:56Matt McCusker?

  Guys, August 16th, it's coming up. It's next week, it's huge.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's huge. Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan. August 16th, it's gonna be big.

• 32:07Matt McCusker?

  And then take, fly back to Atlantic City after that. Fly right back to Atlantic City. Ovation Hall, Ocean Casino Resort.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  I wouldn't go to that, I would go to Grand Rapids.

• 32:19Speaker 01

  No, that's good, Ocean's gonna be nuts.

• 32:21Matt McCusker?

  Ocean's will be sick.

• 32:21Speaker 01

  And this is gonna be before or after the race?

• 32:24Matt McCusker?

  After.

• 32:24Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 32:25Matt McCusker?

  Maybe the last night.

• 32:26Speaker 01

  You get to talk about the race on the, that's gonna be, yeah, that's gonna be a big one.

• 32:29Matt McCusker?

  I didn't even think about that. Ooh, I better, the whole time I run, I'm gonna try to get a nice five minutes out of the run.

• 32:34Speaker 01

  You definitely will.

• 32:35Matt McCusker?

  It'll be nice. It's all, it's, it's slated to sell out. It, it might not, we'll see.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  That'll sell out.

• 32:41Matt McCusker?

  It's very close, it's close, it's close.

• 32:42Speaker 01

  That thing's gonna sell out in a heartbeat.

• 32:43Matt McCusker?

  I hope it will, I think it will. And, you know, even if it doesn't, we're all gonna have a good time. Guys, 8 o'clock PM, Atlantic City, New Jersey, August 16th. Go to, where, where'd you say you're playing?

• 32:53Speaker 01

  Oh, at 8 PM, Van Andel Arena in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

• 32:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 33:01Speaker 01

  It's not as good.

• 33:03Matt McCusker?

  I was gonna do the Atlantic City Arena, but I was like, you know what?

• 33:06Speaker 01

  You know what? I'm not gonna do that to my fans.

• 33:11Matt McCusker?

  Whenever you go to everyone you want, I don't even care.

• 33:12Speaker 01

  Uh, August 15th, Little Caesars in Detroit, 16th Grand Rapids, 23rd Milwaukee. Milliwaki, and then, oh, nevermind, September 6th, Notre Dame Stadium.

• 33:24Matt McCusker?

  That'd be sick.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  That's gonna be a bomb and a half. That's gonna be so bad, but I'm just gonna be happy to be there.

• 33:32Matt McCusker?

  That'll be tight.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  It'll be really uncomfortable, but.

• 33:34Matt McCusker?

  That's actually, yeah, now that you say that, that's actually amazing to perform at the stadium. You're gonna wear pads, you should wear pads, bro.

• 33:41Speaker 01

  I'm gonna, I'm gonna be at Notre Dame this weekend, or tomorrow. I go to Notre Dame tomorrow.

• 33:45Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:46Speaker 01

  Strap the pads on, line them up.

• 33:49Matt McCusker?

  You should wear them for your set. If you came out in pads, dude, and slowly fucking took them off.

• 33:53Speaker 01

  Took the pads off, just wore football pants, sleeveless underarm.

• 33:59Matt McCusker?

  Put a locker room bench on stage and just sit on it every now and again.

• 34:01Speaker 01

  Guys, dude, this is what it's all about. The house that Rockney built. Uh, alright, go see our shows. August 16th in.

• 34:10Matt McCusker?

  Whatever you wanna do.

• 34:11Speaker 01

  Atlantic City. Check it out.

• 34:15Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I went to a bar this weekend. It was, might have been the freakiest bar I've ever seen in my life.

• 34:19Speaker 01

  Where was it?

• 34:20Matt McCusker?

  Uh, it was in Austin. It was like in East 6th Street, and I did that birthday party for our friends. We did a 5K in the morning, second place, no big deal.

• 34:28Speaker 01

  Oh, man, I forgot about that.

• 34:29Matt McCusker?

  Second place, second place in the 5K.

• 34:31Speaker 01

  We did a show on Friday, and he was like, fuck, I forgot I have this birthday party at 8 a.m. a 5K.

• 34:38Matt McCusker?

  I liked it.

• 34:38Speaker 01

  Was the birthday party.

• 34:39Matt McCusker?

  I liked it, cuz I'm up anyway at 7 o'clock.

• 34:41Speaker 01

  I hear you, but who's doing that? Why are you doing that?

• 34:45Matt McCusker?

  Gear up, bro.

• 34:46Speaker 01

  Why are you doing that?

• 34:46Matt McCusker?

  My 40th is coming up in January, it's gonna be chilly. We're gonna do a 10K, no, 10K.

• 34:51Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 34:52Matt McCusker?

  And I'm gonna, well, I didn't know the route, so I had to just follow, I was just following the pack.

• 34:56Speaker 01

  Did you beat the birthday boy?

• 34:57Matt McCusker?

  I did. Last second, I sprinted ahead of him.

• 35:02Speaker 01

  You have to.

• 35:04Matt McCusker?

  I wanted gold.

• 35:05Speaker 01

  You got the gold.

• 35:06Matt McCusker?

  I thought we were doing a full 3.2 mile. It was, it ended up being like a 2.8, 2.9. So I didn't even know where the finish line was.

• 35:11Speaker 01

  Oh, that's nothing at 8 a.m. on a Saturday. I would have crushed that.

• 35:14Matt McCusker?

  Easy, bro. It was like 8:40, 8:40 mile.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  8:00 a.m.

• 35:18Matt McCusker?

  Bro, I wanted gold so bad. You know what's weird? I've been running at the track.

• 35:22Speaker 01

  And then you guys went to a freaky bar after?

• 35:24Matt McCusker?

  Well, then it was, that was morning time.

• 35:25Speaker 01

  Classic running, classic running club shit.

• 35:27Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah. Freaky bar. Dude, I went to the bar and it was like-

• 35:30Speaker 01

  You're fully ingratiated into the Austin community.

• 35:32Matt McCusker?

  Nah, I gotta do, this was a gentleman's running club.

• 35:34Speaker 01

  Running club, then freak, freak jol? A little freak off after the jol?

• 35:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, more freak off, bro. Dude, this bar, the tips, the tips were, uh, it was like 20, 25%, and then there was 69%, you could tip the bartenders. Every time it got me, I'd be like, huh huh. Just hit it every time. No, it was-

• 35:50Speaker 01

  What were, what were people wearing during the run? Were the fellows popping the tops off for it?

• 35:54Matt McCusker?

  No, it was pretty, it was shirts. People were rocking shirts.

• 35:56Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 35:57Matt McCusker?

  I will say, it's in defense of running shirtless, it's so much better.

• 36:00Speaker 01

  Did the babes show out?

• 36:02Matt McCusker?

  The babes were there at the finish line.

• 36:04Speaker 01

  Oh, it was just a guys 5K?

• 36:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, the girls ran with the kids. So the girls did like a one miler with the kids.

• 36:09Speaker 01

  Damn, that would have been so embarrassing. I would have gone with the kids. I would have been walking.

• 36:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. You can take a shortcut. No one is watching.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  I would have popped my shirt off and walked with the kids.

• 36:19Matt McCusker?

  You could have lifted them.

• 36:20Speaker 01

  Slowly walk with the kids shirtless.

• 36:22Matt McCusker?

  You should have shot put at the kids, just fucking... It was sick. I've been like praying for that scenario to like sprint in front of all the wives, and I finally got to do it.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, you get to show them, show them your power. You're coming from a place of abundance, athletic abundance.

• 36:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, just be like, bro, just, just, I just want you guys to see me sprint.

• 36:38Speaker 01

  You had to probably like fake laugh as loud as you could to show them that you were having a good time while you're sprinting.

• 36:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, I, I was, I wasn't salty, but I was like, I wanted to run, I feel like I could have got first if we did the three, full 3.2. I don't want to like ruin the birthday vibes. Be like, why the fuck didn't we go the full way?

• 36:56Speaker 01

  Just say your birthday is next week and go, it's five mile, just me versus one guy, only invite one guy, and just do a 40 yard dash.

• 37:04Matt McCusker?

  I was gonna invite everyone's wives. And they're like, oh, fuck, I didn't, I didn't tell you. I ran a race by myself.

• 37:09Speaker 01

  You should put tickets on sale and get a crowd and don't tell them. This place is packed, huh? This is crazy.

• 37:17Matt McCusker?

  That'd be kinda nice. It was fun. It was a, uh, it was a fun way to start, but yeah, it was, we ended up in a freaky ass bar. It was kinda, it was a little wild. Very freaky place.

• 37:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was, it was just fucking weird, man. I haven't been out like that in a while.

• 37:31Speaker 01

  Were people crushing Michelob's? What were they crushing? It's a runner's club.

• 37:35Matt McCusker?

  Cocktails.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  Delight.

• 37:36Matt McCusker?

  Cocktails. The bartender gave us like, he's like, I, I, you know, I'm gonna give you some shots. It was just literally like, it was just juice with like a little bit, but people kept thinking that I was buying shots for this hope I wasn't. They're like, oh man, I'll get, I was like, dude, someone's giving these to me.

• 37:49Speaker 01

  They thought you were buying a bar.

• 37:51Matt McCusker?

  I thought I was in a gay bar. The whole time I was like, I went to the dude, I'm like, yo, bro.

• 37:54Speaker 01

  I didn't know it was a freaky gay bar.

• 37:56Matt McCusker?

  I thought it was, cause one of the.

• 37:58Speaker 01

  You went to a running club and then a freaky ass gay bar?

• 38:00Matt McCusker?

  I thought it was a gay bar. He was like, it's not a gay bar.

• 38:02Speaker 01

  Dude, the roids have gone to your head.

• 38:05Matt McCusker?

  No, I.

• 38:06Speaker 01

  Crazy on the roids.

• 38:09Matt McCusker?

  I went to this bar, you tell me. So I go to a bar. One of the drinks itself was called like the twitchy twink. I swear to god. That's what I thought. And then dude, I'm, I'm, I'm ordering a drink for me and Brittany and a guy goes like, how's it going? And I'm like, okay, the guy's being, I'm in a gay bar. And I told the, the party I was with, I'm like, yo, this is a gay bar? And they're like, it's not a fucking gay bar. I was like, a dude just talked to me. This is definitely a fucking gay bar. And they're like, no, it's not a gay bar. But, but then someone I was with got kind of pressed by a lady. It was like intense.

• 38:39Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 38:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, this lady just like walked up to him and just stared at him. And then, and I was like, I thought, I was like, I thought you knew her. And he was like, no. I was like, what? Where the kind of freaky ass place are you in?

• 38:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:49Matt McCusker?

  And then she walked back with a dude and locked eyes with him again. I was trying to tell him, I'm like, bro, you might have to bull out tonight.

• 38:55Speaker 01

  Is he a single man?

• 38:57Matt McCusker?

  No, hell no.

• 38:58Speaker 01

  He was a married man?

• 38:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Which is sick.

• 39:01Speaker 01

  Maybe she was Chinese.

• 39:02Matt McCusker?

  Hmm?

• 39:03Speaker 01

  Maybe the, her husband was a Chinese.

• 39:06Speaker 01

  And he was like, this is a nice bar. Why don't you drain your sack in my wine?

• 39:11Matt McCusker?

  Drink a couple twitchy twinks. I swear to God, it was the freakiest place I've ever been to in my life. I mean, it might just be me. My, my sexual vibes are crazy.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, true. You're probably so horny.

• 39:23Matt McCusker?

  It's insane, dude.

• 39:25Speaker 01

  You're probably so horny.

• 39:26Matt McCusker?

  I finally, finally.

• 39:28Speaker 01

  What the fuck is this? All the guys are trying to fuck me? Everyone wants to fuck.

• 39:31Matt McCusker?

  Sixty-nine percent.

• 39:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I was, I was getting horny, just hitting the sixty-nine percent on the little thing. I was like, oh, fuck.

• 39:38Speaker 01

  Damn, she knows.

• 39:40Matt McCusker?

  Finally got blessed. That night I got blessed.

• 39:42Speaker 01

  That's good. Spoil out for the 5K. You gotta get blessed.

• 39:44Matt McCusker?

  5K and I, it was also drunk wife action.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  Drunk wife action.

• 39:49Matt McCusker?

  Drunk wife action, bro, is the best.

• 39:51Speaker 01

  You got freaky ass y'all.

• 39:52Matt McCusker?

  It's the best. She, yeah, it was nice. So, I, you know, I don't want to get graphic, but I am gonna, I just want to paint the picture for the benefits, dude, of, of, you know, my new lifestyle.

• 40:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:04Matt McCusker?

  My austere lifestyle. Bro, I could have went again, swear to God.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  You got a control, man.

• 40:10Matt McCusker?

  I could have ran it back.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Why didn't you?

• 40:12Matt McCusker?

  I tried.

• 40:13Speaker 01

  Oh, damn. Got stuffed on the two-point conversion.

• 40:18Speaker 01

  Got stuffed. We called for two.

• 40:23Matt McCusker?

  It would have been a high pregnancy risk, though, because she, she was like, it was that time. I, I mean, I caught the, I mean, it was like the planets fully aligned.

• 40:31Speaker 01

  Turned two on the CP.

• 40:35Matt McCusker?

  Well, it was, it was ovulate, full ovulation, drunk wife, which is the best.

• 40:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:41Matt McCusker?

  I was coming off of, I claim it was a fourteen day retention. My wife's like, you're so dramatic. It was maybe like seven. I'm like, bro, it was four fucking. I want to, I want to start dotting the calendar so I have proof.

• 40:52Speaker 01

  You should.

• 40:53Matt McCusker?

  Because I swear to God, it was fourteen days.

• 40:54Speaker 01

  Why not? What's holding you back at this point? You should have it in your family's kitchen.

• 40:59Matt McCusker?

  I, that's the calendar I'm talking about.

• 41:00Speaker 01

  Well, that's absurd. You can't.

• 41:02Matt McCusker?

  Just a tiny dot.

• 41:03Speaker 01

  You literally can't do that. You can't.

• 41:05Matt McCusker?

  Just a tiny dot.

• 41:06Speaker 01

  You have kids, bro.

• 41:07Matt McCusker?

  They don't know what it is.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  There's someday they will.

• 41:09Matt McCusker?

  Just a tiny dot.

• 41:10Speaker 01

  Someday they're gonna see this episode and go, that's what those fucking dots were. Ew.

• 41:16Matt McCusker?

  Or they'll be like, oh.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  You're gonna be dead by then. You're gonna be roided out. You're gonna have a roid rage on the highway. You're gonna fucking jump in front of a car and go, stop.

• 41:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude. You can't put no cum dots on your family calendar.

• 41:32Matt McCusker?

  Your daddy's dots.

• 41:33Speaker 01

  Daddy's dots, dude. It's disgusting.

• 41:36Matt McCusker?

  One, just a tiny flick of the pen.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  If I found out my daddy was putting dots on the calendar.

• 41:42Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 41:43Speaker 01

  It's like.

• 41:45Matt McCusker?

  You don't care that I'm being gaslit potentially. I'm being fucking gaslit.

• 41:49Speaker 01

  Keep the calendar, dude, it's somewhere private.

• 41:53Matt McCusker?

  I want my wife to see it.

• 41:54Speaker 01

  Show her. Keep it in your bedroom.

• 41:56Matt McCusker?

  Nah, yeah, true. Nah, yeah, it's my own special, I should get my own special calendar.

• 42:01Speaker 01

  Get a special calendar in the bedroom.

• 42:02Matt McCusker?

  Of like motorcycle babes and put it all on.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  Yes, yes.

• 42:06Matt McCusker?

  I might start hanging up like study hard posters in my room.

• 42:10Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 42:10Matt McCusker?

  Just like horny college dorm posters.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  You should.

• 42:14Speaker 01

  That'd be awesome.

• 42:15Matt McCusker?

  I could start with like a tasteful kind of like artwork of like a nude lady.

• 42:20Speaker 01

  And then those two girls kissing, you remember that one? That was like a famous, it was in every college dorm. It was two hot chicks in bed.

• 42:26Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yes, yes, I know exactly what you're talking about.

• 42:28Speaker 01

  It was, it was too much.

• 42:30Matt McCusker?

  I might get some like Afrocentric erotica and just like put it up. Like, and it's like, I think it's a school.

• 42:36Speaker 01

  It's beautiful art.

• 42:36Matt McCusker?

  It's beautiful art. And then slowly start stepping it down. Like, this is more like pop arts collage I made myself.

• 42:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:42Matt McCusker?

  With a couple magazines.

• 42:44Speaker 01

  Cut them out. Me and the kids sat down and did arts and crafts and cut out babes.

• 42:49Matt McCusker?

  Start a babe collage? Now like grade school women put like all the hunks on like a.

• 42:53Speaker 01

  You should just put, get a fucking hunk collage.

• 42:56Matt McCusker?

  A hunk collage would be nice.

• 42:57Speaker 01

  Hunk collage would be sick. Put yourself in it.

• 43:01Speaker 01

  Like you and Robert Pattinson and Timothy Chauvin.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  Hunk collage is sick.

• 43:06Matt McCusker?

  Bro, I might make my wife a hunk collage.

• 43:08Speaker 01

  Toss all your boys in it too. Just get the cool hunks and then toss all of us.

• 43:12Matt McCusker?

  I'll get the best pictures of all of us, dude. It'll be like, and we'll, we'll like, you'll make Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club band.

• 43:18Speaker 01

  Just hunking up.

• 43:19Matt McCusker?

  Dude, hitting your wife with like a, you know, like a retro, like a cork board hunk collage for her birthday? And then, yeah, just like, and like I'll get in a good shape so I can take like pictures of myself as well. I might just go full boudoir. Do like a one-on-one boudoir section and give it to my, or boudoir session, give it to my wife would be nice.

• 43:40Speaker 01

  I'd, I'd be so happy if I found out you did that.

• 43:42Matt McCusker?

  Boudoir?

• 43:43Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, it would probably end our relationship, but.

• 43:47Matt McCusker?

  If I did a boudoir photo shoot for my wife?

• 43:48Speaker 01

  I'd be furious.

• 43:50Matt McCusker?

  Why? Nah, I'd be crazy.

• 43:54Matt McCusker?

  That would be so.

• 43:55Speaker 01

  Now, if you did it to be funny, yes, that's obviously great.

• 43:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 43:58Speaker 01

  Just you in a fucking, uh, what are those called? Like, what's the thing that tightens your corset?

• 44:05Matt McCusker?

  Corset?

• 44:05Speaker 01

  Corset, but just dick and nuts out.

• 44:08Matt McCusker?

  That'd be nice.

• 44:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:09Matt McCusker?

  They make men's shapewear, by the way.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  I might have to get into that.

• 44:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, get some men's shapewear, just like fucking pop the fucking sides in. I'm, I'm on a mission now to get shredded, by the way.

• 44:19Speaker 01

  Pop the sides in and just get giant knockers.

• 44:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 44:22Speaker 01

  Have everything sticking out.

• 44:23Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I got, I was, uh, I was confident in my body recently and my, my youngest daughter came up to me. She made a, like a Play-Doh ball and she's like, here dad, it's for you. And I was like, thanks. She's like, yeah, it's fat like you are. And I was like, all right. I had to just be like, all right.

• 44:38Speaker 01

  Fucking hit her.

• 44:39Matt McCusker?

  Well, I was like, yeah, I ran a six.

• 44:40Speaker 01

  Now we, now we talk.

• 44:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 44:42Speaker 01

  You should have shot the legs immediately.

• 44:44Matt McCusker?

  I was like, well, actually I'm doing more performance based goals. I don't care about aesthetics right now. And then I was like, I was shirtless in front of a mirror. I was telling it to Brittany and she like laughed and smacked my ass. And it like, dude, it, my ass shook, my side shook and then my belly, it all like went all the way up to the top. And I was like, I need to lose fucking 10 pounds. This is bullshit.

• 45:03Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 45:03Matt McCusker?

  She hit a chain reaction jiggle. Then she commented on it. She goes, oh my God, man, it got it moving. And I was like, all right, just being fucking devastated in this house.

• 45:11Speaker 01

  Girl, you're in girl worlds. I was raised in the darkness. I was born in the darkness. You gotta just plow through it, dude. You gotta go, I don't give a fuck. Fuck you.

• 45:20Matt McCusker?

  That's what I'm saying, man.

• 45:20Speaker 01

  Fuck you lady.

• 45:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, let's race, dude. Let's fucking, I'll race my whole family. I'll smash you guys.

• 45:24Speaker 01

  Fist fight right now.

• 45:24Matt McCusker?

  Also, man, I'm definitely doing the dots on the calendar now that I think about it.

• 45:27Speaker 01

  True. I didn't know the kids were talking shit too. Yeah, it's dot time.

• 45:30Matt McCusker?

  Dots.

• 45:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  Daddy's dots.

• 45:33Matt McCusker?

  I'll have my, can you put a dot on there for daddy real quick?

• 45:36Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 45:40Matt McCusker?

  All I'm saying is the last time, that way I can like, she'll be like, you're, you're being dramatic. I could walk downstairs, take a picture and say, here.

• 45:46Speaker 01

  July 14th.

• 45:47Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 45:47Speaker 01

  That was my last crumb.

• 45:48Matt McCusker?

  That was my last one. Try to beg for the back, the back to back would have been nice.

• 45:52Speaker 01

  Would have been awesome.

• 45:54Matt McCusker?

  It was tight.

• 45:54Speaker 01

  You feel really good about yourself when you hit a, when you turn two like that.

• 45:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 45:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:58Matt McCusker?

  I, I haven't done that in forever. Now, but here's the thing. I know there was no guarantee. I could have obviously lost it as soon as I, I could have lost my helium as soon as I put it in there. But.

• 46:08Speaker 01

  Sometimes you lose your helium.

• 46:10Matt McCusker?

  Honest attempt.

• 46:10Speaker 01

  Sometimes you go for it. You go, you know what, fuck it. Yeah, you got stuffed in the one, dude. That, that happens. That's good though. Now you got field position.

• 46:18Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 46:18Speaker 01

  Now they're gonna play out of the back of the end zone. We got, come on.

• 46:20Matt McCusker?

  True. But yeah, dude, I'm telling you, it's, I, I hit the, I hit the rocks, man. What, what do you got? You guys have an issue? I'm in a really vulnerable place right now. You guys whispering is not helping me.

• 46:31Speaker 01

  What, what, what were you whispering about?

• 46:34Matt McCusker?

  Oh my gosh, dude.

• 46:38Speaker 01

  What's going on with your big show?

• 46:41Matt McCusker?

  No, I like that.

• 46:41Speaker 01

  Why can't we talk about it?

• 46:44Speaker 01

  Oh, is it, you say something negative happening with the big show?

• 46:47Matt McCusker?

  Every time I check in with you guys, you're like talking shit on someone.

• 46:50Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, I had to have a chat with the boys.

• 46:53Matt McCusker?

  Oh no.

• 46:54Speaker 01

  Yeah. We were drinking.

• 46:56Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 46:57Speaker 01

  I had to get, fellas.

• 46:58Matt McCusker?

  Held, held the council.

• 46:59Speaker 01

  You guys gotta stop with this negativity.

• 47:01Matt McCusker?

  It's true.

• 47:02Speaker 01

  Just do it.

• 47:03Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 47:03Speaker 01

  But, you know, who am I to judge? I was.

• 47:09Speaker 01

  Alright, just edit it out.

• 47:10Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, gotta tell you guys about this.

• 47:15Speaker 01

  Oh, I like this.

• 47:16Matt McCusker?

  I like that too. AG1, the healthy stuff I've been drinking recently. Still just one scoop, once a day, vitamins, minerals, probiotics. All this stuff my actual diet doesn't provide. Mix is great, doesn't taste like a fistfight. Package travel easily if you're on the road doing shows or just too lazy to measure anything out, which dude, come on. They also recently came out with AG1 Pro, the same foundation, but with creatine in one simple delicious drink. So if you're someone who trains a lot or wants to get more impact out of your stack, this one might be worth checking out. So hurry up and go to drinkag1.com/secretpod and for a limited time only, get a free immune support bundle,

• 48:00Matt McCusker?

  including omega-3 fish oil and vitamin D3 plus K2 with your first subscription to AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/secretpod.

• 48:10Speaker 01

  This episode is brought to you by BlueChew. Oh yeah. Fellas, let me introduce you to BlueChew Gold.

• 48:16Matt McCusker?

  Yo.

• 48:17Speaker 01

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• 48:37Matt McCusker?

  Hmm, because sex is not just be about being able to perform. I totally agree with that. It's about actually wanting to.

• 48:45Speaker 01

  Now, wanting to is extremely important for sexual intercourse.

• 48:48Matt McCusker?

  A million percent, dude. And we've got a special deal for our listeners right now. When you buy two months of BlueChew Gold, you get the third free with promo code DRENCHED. You'll also receive an additional 10% off plus free overnight shipping on your first order. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information.

• 49:08Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, don't tell me.

• 49:10Speaker 04

  Wow, wow, Wes.

• 49:11Speaker 01

  That happens. And we're back.

• 49:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:13Speaker 01

  It was, it was a slightly gay.

• 49:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:18Speaker 01

  Slightly gay, you guys are obsessive.

• 49:20Speaker 02

  Could have waited till after.

• 49:22Speaker 01

  Fired up. You guys are fighting for your fucking lives down here. Was it, was it like that in Philly?

• 49:28Speaker 03

  No.

• 49:28Speaker 01

  You guys weren't so aggressive back then?

• 49:30Speaker 03

  No, I was, I was in Philly.

• 49:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I remember you in Philly, you turned into a little nasty fuck there. I'd get, I'd get wind of it, you'd be at helium like, I'm the fucking best, I'll bury anybody here.

• 49:41Speaker 03

  I've been very nice down here.

• 49:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can't do that.

• 49:43Matt McCusker?

  Well, you guys were, you guys were seniors in high school, now you're college freshmen.

• 49:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. Now you're 40-year-old freshmen.

• 49:54Speaker 01

  It's just growing pains, dude, you guys will be alright.

• 49:57Matt McCusker?

  I can't talk, I've been bombing. I've been chucking up fucking eggs, dude, at open mics. It's just all part of the process.

• 50:04Speaker 01

  It is, and that's the, that's the hardest part, I'm not good at that.

• 50:06Matt McCusker?

  I can take, bro, I can, I can bomb and just hit the road whistling and just be like, right.

• 50:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:11Matt McCusker?

  I did it last, I mean, it didn't feel great last night. I was like, yeah, it was, it's not the best in the world. Especially when you're like, when you're like, literally, just your mind falls apart and you're like, oh yeah, I fucking stink right now. I was like, they're about to get hit with a real pro, it's about to change the fucking tone of this 12 people in the room and it just instantly come out and be like, I've been depressed for two weeks and, uh, I don't know, guys, I'm sorry, I don't know why I started like that.

• 50:35Speaker 01

  Twelve people in the room is a guaranteed. It's gonna be a bad show.

• 50:39Matt McCusker?

  I know. It was. It was bad. But still, I wanted the whole frame. I was not coming from a place of abundance.

• 50:46Speaker 01

  Hmm. I think you bragged about your abundance, isn't that?

• 50:48Matt McCusker?

  I did, yeah. I said I was depressed and I was like, yeah, I'm too motherfucking loaded to be depressed, dude. People are like, yeah, I hate you more now.

• 50:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm depressed, bro. I'm so rich. Alright, kill him.

• 51:00Speaker 01

  Give him steel.

• 51:01Matt McCusker?

  I thought it'd be funny.

• 51:02Speaker 01

  It is funny.

• 51:03Matt McCusker?

  I thought it'd be. It was funny to me.

• 51:04Speaker 01

  Man, it's funny.

• 51:04Matt McCusker?

  I laughed. I was on the bird scooter on the way home. I was like, that was funny.

• 51:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, fuck that.

• 51:08Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I was, I was on the scooter today. Catching air on Airport Boulevard. It was crazy. I got a new ramp. There's a new ramp on Airport Boulevard.

• 51:18Speaker 01

  Really?

• 51:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I was on the way to the gym. There's a new ramp. I was catching, I was like, just praying to God. I'm like, please, let someone I know see me ramping on Airport Boulevard. That's all I want.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  How, how much air do you think you caught? That's a lot.

• 51:32Matt McCusker?

  On a, on a lime? Not bad. Yeah, it wasn't bad.

• 51:33Speaker 01

  That's a heavy, that's a heavy fucking.

• 51:35Matt McCusker?

  I surprised myself. I, I can kind of bunny hop them if I'm being honest, but getting a little ramp at like full speed downhill was, phew, felt good. Felt good, dude. Also too, in the, uh, I was, there's an, I've, I've been noticing a new evolution at the gym. So you know that there are tortoise, right?

• 51:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:54Matt McCusker?

  I've, I've, I've, it's pretty rare, but I've seen some tortoise are going towards the weights. And they're, there might be a new form.

• 52:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:03Matt McCusker?

  It's a blastoise. When the tortoise, the tortoise have been getting jacked, dude, evolving into blastoises, it's kind of nice.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  I've seen some blastoises. I know a couple blastoises. I've followed their Instagram. I've watched them transform into full blastoises.

• 52:17Matt McCusker?

  Fucking nice, man. It's a good move.

• 52:20Speaker 01

  I, I, I've noticed women getting into like bodybuilding.

• 52:24Matt McCusker?

  Yes. They call it like bikini model.

• 52:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, have you seen that on a, you ever follow an IG lady that changed her life and became a?

• 52:31Matt McCusker?

  I knew someone in real life who did this a while back. They became like a female, it's not like a full bodybuilder.

• 52:37Speaker 01

  Fucking shredded, dude.

• 52:38Matt McCusker?

  They get shredded.

• 52:39Speaker 01

  And then they do blackface for the competition like the guys do. It's fucking crazy.

• 52:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's pretty wild. They get, they get trumped up.

• 52:46Speaker 01

  I guess when you do blackface like that, it shows your muscles more.

• 52:48Matt McCusker?

  It does, for sure.

• 52:51Speaker 01

  For real, yeah, you black body out, yeah, it shows your muscles more.

• 52:54Matt McCusker?

  That's all it is.

• 52:55Speaker 01

  That's why, dude, you guys can't tell, I'm fucking jacked.

• 52:57Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 52:58Speaker 01

  I'm just too pale.

• 53:00Matt McCusker?

  Dude, those competitions too, like, they, a lot of those guys get naked for the spray tan.

• 53:04Speaker 01

  For sure, yeah.

• 53:05Matt McCusker?

  So like, the bodybuilding competitions, you, you go back and you just bust out dong and a lady just sprays you down. It's pretty crazy.

• 53:13Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 53:14Matt McCusker?

  The, the, the bodybuilding world is definitely one of the most wild things, like, it's fucked up.

• 53:19Speaker 01

  It's a wild group of people.

• 53:20Matt McCusker?

  It's a wild group of bros.

• 53:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:22Matt McCusker?

  But, I, would you, I don't know, I feel like I would still, like, I'd be like, you can just hit my legs, I'm not showing.

• 53:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, just have a pale patch in my fucking bikini.

• 53:31Matt McCusker?

  Just pubes popping out. But yeah, the, the, the female fitness model thing is, is kind of weird.

• 53:38Speaker 01

  Do any bodybuilders not do the tan? It'd be nice to hit it with just full pale.

• 53:43Matt McCusker?

  You, yeah, no, I think they all hit the spray tan, and I guess if you're like a black bodybuilder, you just oil up big time, hit the baby oil. So I think there's something about, you wanna get like, glistening, you wanna get like, wet and glistening looking.

• 53:57Speaker 01

  That's fucking weird.

• 53:59Matt McCusker?

  You're trying to win the competition.

• 54:00Speaker 01

  I know, what do they win?

• 54:03Matt McCusker?

  Like, protein powder, they, you win, you win for real like a trophy, and you, yeah, you win like, a protein powder, might be like, we'll sponsor you.

• 54:10Speaker 01

  It is nice to have that trophy.

• 54:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that'd be awesome.

• 54:12Speaker 01

  Most jacked dude in the region.

• 54:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's fucking sick.

• 54:15Speaker 03

  Can I say it, you guys? I think bodybuilding's gay. Bodybuilding might be the gay thing you could do.

• 54:20Matt McCusker?

  Everyone thinks it's gay.

• 54:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like, super gay.

• 54:24Matt McCusker?

  I mean, tell that to Lou Ferrigno, bro.

• 54:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's some cool ass fucking jacked dudes.

• 54:29Matt McCusker?

  Arnold, Lou Ferrigno, Ronnie Coleman.

• 54:31Speaker 01

  Is Ronnie Coleman the black dude?

• 54:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 54:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, Ronnie Coleman rules, dude.

• 54:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but-

• 54:36Speaker 03

  Don't make me talk bad about Ronnie Coleman.

• 54:38Matt McCusker?

  Well, you just called him gay.

• 54:39Speaker 01

  You called him gay.

• 54:42Speaker 03

  Well, yeah.

• 54:43Matt McCusker?

  Body, body, that's not bad.

• 54:45Speaker 01

  You got, I'm telling you, the Nock's boys have become nasty little fuck.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  Look at you throwing your boys under the bus. Not me. Nasty fucks.

• 54:55Speaker 02

  I'm Zandini.

• 54:56Speaker 01

  No, you're not Zandini. The Zandini talks crazy.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  I am.

• 55:01Speaker 01

  The Zandini talks crazy.

• 55:02Speaker 02

  Especially after my mother left. I am embarrassed.

• 55:06Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 55:07Speaker 01

  You embarrassed that you said?

• 55:08Speaker 02

  I don't feel Italian and then my mother comes around and I just love her so much. It's embarrassing.

• 55:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 55:14Speaker 01

  That's so crazy.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  It's the most Italian thing about me.

• 55:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're definitely not Irish.

• 55:20Speaker 01

  You bring your mom around, you go, "Oh my god, god damn it."

• 55:22Speaker 02

  I miss my mother.

• 55:25Matt McCusker?

  I love my mommy.

• 55:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I don't want to fucking hang out with her.

• 55:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I guess we don't.

• 55:30Speaker 01

  I love her, but.

• 55:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we don't chill.

• 55:32Speaker 01

  We don't have a lot of comments. We don't really have good conversations.

• 55:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I just see her. I just see her in her house.

• 55:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:38Matt McCusker?

  That's why I like to talk to my mommy.

• 55:39Speaker 01

  Guard Dog was trying to bring her to the fucking bar with us.

• 55:41Speaker 02

  No, I was just busting your chops.

• 55:43Speaker 01

  I think you were feeling it out a little.

• 55:45Speaker 02

  I did, I did not.

• 55:46Speaker 01

  Lamar, what do you think?

• 55:47Speaker 03

  He was feeling it out.

• 55:48Speaker 02

  No, that's not true.

• 55:49Speaker 01

  It settled.

• 55:51Speaker 02

  I wouldn't do that.

• 55:53Speaker 01

  It settled.

• 55:54Matt McCusker?

  You could bring mommy.

• 55:55Speaker 02

  I did have the plumbing issue where I almost had, my house was almost filled with girl group for a moment.

• 56:00Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 56:00Speaker 01

  All the women in his life were dumping his house and clogged his.

• 56:04Matt McCusker?

  They were probably saving it for your house, too.

• 56:06Speaker 02

  We went to Terry Black's and then got home and my sewage failed.

• 56:09Speaker 01

  All the way from Jersey, they brought that. They brought that down south. That was an airdrop.

• 56:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. A nice Jersey girl, though.

• 56:16Speaker 01

  Jersey fucking dump.

• 56:19Matt McCusker?

  A nice sub for the fuck, a nice Jersey sub.

• 56:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, hoagies.

• 56:23Matt McCusker?

  Dang, so they were dumping out in your house big time?

• 56:25Speaker 02

  No, yeah, yeah.

• 56:27Speaker 01

  Remember when my mom collapsed the ceiling?

• 56:30Matt McCusker?

  It's the funniest thing in the world.

• 56:32Speaker 02

  My poops.

• 56:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I still hold it down. Girl dumps are.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're horrific.

• 56:38Matt McCusker?

  Unbelievable how bad they are.

• 56:39Speaker 02

  We had to go somewhere else so they could all defecate.

• 56:42Matt McCusker?

  Huh?

• 56:43Speaker 02

  We had to go someplace else.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  You had to take them to the YMCA to drop, drop dumps?

• 56:47Speaker 02

  We went to the bar so they could poop.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  You went to the bar to take dumps?

• 56:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's one like right around the corner from my house.

• 56:53Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 56:53Speaker 01

  Damn, you had to load up the car and go, alright, everybody, wait till everybody has to shit and then we'll go.

• 56:58Speaker 02

  Yes, that's exactly what I did.

• 57:00Speaker 01

  I mean, that's kind of how we do it.

• 57:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:02Speaker 01

  Get to the bar, you go, oh, fuck, I forgot to shit.

• 57:05Matt McCusker?

  Was it a, uh, was there two, could they go like side by side or they have to wait?

• 57:10Speaker 02

  Uh, there was a few bathrooms, so they all just went at once.

• 57:13Speaker 01

  No way.

• 57:14Matt McCusker?

  Did you?

• 57:14Speaker 01

  They all went at once?

• 57:15Speaker 02

  I think, like, they were all holding it and they all, like, embarrassingly were like, we all have to poop like one by one. So I was like, alright, we could go someplace.

• 57:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we can, we can hit this. And you said, you should have monitored the bathroom and let them know if the smell levels were going to be bad.

• 57:29Speaker 02

  I didn't do that.

• 57:31Matt McCusker?

  Alright guys, flush it. Come on, flush it.

• 57:33Speaker 02

  Oh, but Johnny Ruder saves me. Shout out to Johnny Ruder Plumbing.

• 57:36Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 57:36Speaker 02

  I love you 24/7 Plumbing.

• 57:39Matt McCusker?

  That's nice.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  It's really funny when the family dumps. We used to race after, after church.

• 57:43Matt McCusker?

  Oh, god, yeah.

• 57:44Speaker 01

  The after church race to the turlet, the whole family.

• 57:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 57:48Speaker 01

  Of big dogs just rumbling to the turlet.

• 57:51Matt McCusker?

  Me and my brothers used to race to the turlet after church, but for different reasons.

• 57:54Speaker 01

  Nefarious reasons.

• 57:57Speaker 01

  To get rid of that dot.

• 58:00Speaker 01

  There were no dots on the counter in the McCusker house, dude.

• 58:03Matt McCusker?

  Nicky's secret catalog would come into the house and it would just be tribal warfare the whole time. Dude, where is it? Dude. You fuck, yeah, just first one gets it. It would, I mean, this is graphic, but first one get it, it would fucking glaze it right away. It would just be fu, it would just be stuck.

• 58:18Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ, dude.

• 58:22Speaker 01

  So fucked up.

• 58:23Matt McCusker?

  It was crazy. I could, I, when I was a little boy, I had to fucking spray the magazine and everything. I couldn't not do it. Like, when I was a little kid, I was just like.

• 58:32Speaker 01

  I sprayed a Maxim once. Felt real weird about it.

• 58:34Matt McCusker?

  I fucking loved it.

• 58:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:36Matt McCusker?

  I would spray it, wipe it off and just fold it up and like put it in a drawer and be like, alright, those pages.

• 58:40Speaker 01

  This is my little secret.

• 58:41Matt McCusker?

  Those pages are done. I would just work my way through.

• 58:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's kind of fucked.

• 58:46Speaker 01

  Tear the page out.

• 58:47Matt McCusker?

  It's kind of fucked up.

• 58:47Speaker 01

  Flush it. You have to destroy it, yeah.

• 58:51Matt McCusker?

  Put it right back together.

• 58:55Speaker 01

  Big weighs fucking 10 pounds.

• 58:59Matt McCusker?

  Just men in big white suits would have to come take it away. Dang dude, yeah, the race back from church was nice.

• 59:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:06Matt McCusker?

  Dumping.

• 59:06Speaker 01

  I told you they used to make me run, right?

• 59:09Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 59:09Speaker 01

  My family, it was a fun game we had. They would make me get out of the car at the, the entrance to my neighborhood and race the car home.

• 59:16Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that's awesome.

• 59:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, I thought I was fast as shit. I would fall every single time. I'd hit a curb every single time.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  They thought it was the funniest. It must have been so funny.

• 59:27Matt McCusker?

  It's hilarious.

• 59:27Speaker 01

  See me sprint home from church.

• 59:29Matt McCusker?

  Just in like a.

• 59:30Speaker 01

  In like khakis.

• 59:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I was gonna say striped polo shirt and khakis just falling. It's so funny. Oh, it's easy. Were they keeping, they were keeping the car kind of like.

• 59:38Speaker 01

  They're keeping the car exactly my speed and like speeding up. So I'd be like.

• 59:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was good shit.

• 59:47Matt McCusker?

  That is such a funny thing to do to be like, dude, I'll fuck your.

• 59:49Speaker 01

  Dude, you're faster than the car. This is crazy.

• 59:51Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that's awesome.

• 59:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 59:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was weirdly tradition.

• 59:56Matt McCusker?

  As a kid, I, I had, up until like high school, I had the most outlandish sense of confidence about so many different things.

• 1:00:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:03Matt McCusker?

  It slowly just got, I had to be like, oh shit, all right.

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  Fuck.

• 1:00:06Matt McCusker?

  Fuck. God damn it.

• 1:00:08Speaker 01

  I'm not fast at all.

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  Fuck.

• 1:00:11Matt McCusker?

  I'm not that strong.

• 1:00:12Speaker 01

  Being fast was such a flex.

• 1:00:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:15Speaker 01

  When you were a kid.

• 1:00:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. It's funny hyping, like especially boys, be like, damn, bro, you're fast as hell. And they'll instantly be like, you think so?

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:23Matt McCusker?

  Take off.

• 1:00:23Speaker 01

  Show you.

• 1:00:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's so like, oh my God, dude.

• 1:00:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, now though, it's kind of, I think it's embarrassing to be fast.

• 1:00:29Matt McCusker?

  What do you mean?

• 1:00:30Speaker 01

  Just like a fast guy. Yeah, what are you fucking fast for?

• 1:00:34Matt McCusker?

  I mean.

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  No, not, not coming at you, not coming at you. I know you're flying.

• 1:00:37Matt McCusker?

  I want to make sure, I don't know what side I fall on this. If I were to do like a 115, 400 this morning, like would I be?

• 1:00:45Speaker 01

  If you ran a 115 400, I'm not talking fast like, I'm not talking distance here.

• 1:00:50Matt McCusker?

  I know what you mean.

• 1:00:50Speaker 01

  Talk about just a dude that's, you know, working in an office and fast as hell.

• 1:00:54Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 1:00:55Speaker 01

  It's crazy.

• 1:00:56Matt McCusker?

  I see him every morning. There's dudes.

• 1:00:58Speaker 01

  I watched some track, uh, yesterday.

• 1:01:00Matt McCusker?

  Did you really?

• 1:01:01Speaker 01

  I watched some track and field.

• 1:01:02Matt McCusker?

  What, who was running?

• 1:01:03Speaker 01

  It was a US qualifiers, uh, some fucking high school kid.

• 1:01:09Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 1:01:10Speaker 01

  Got top three. He was 16 years old. He ran like a... I forget what it was, like, he ran the 800. It was insane how fast he was.

• 1:01:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:20Matt McCusker?

  I saw those handicap swimmers, man. They were fast as shit, dude. They were, dude, 50 meters doing, I think they were doing like 22 seconds, 50 meters, 22 seconds. It was crazy.

• 1:01:28Speaker 01

  They didn't seem too fucking handicapped. They were fucking flying, dude.

• 1:01:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:33Speaker 01

  I didn't see any, I didn't really see a lot of missing fucking things.

• 1:01:36Matt McCusker?

  I saw, I think their legs were fucked. I think they were all arms.

• 1:01:40Speaker 01

  There was a couple of guys that were all arms.

• 1:01:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:42Speaker 01

  There was one guy without arms.

• 1:01:43Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 1:01:44Speaker 01

  Dolphins. Underwater and it's fucking crazy.

• 1:01:47Matt McCusker?

  Whoa, are you serious?

• 1:01:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, mermaids out the whole way.

• 1:01:48Matt McCusker?

  Yo, that's cra- I didn't know that.

• 1:01:51Speaker 01

  Yeah. Who are you guys looking at?

• 1:01:55Matt McCusker?

  You guys are talking speed and made me think of this guy. He's just, he just grabs things really fast.

• 1:01:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, grabs things as fast as he can.

• 1:02:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he's the man.

• 1:02:00Speaker 01

  He's the man.

• 1:02:01Matt McCusker?

  That's kinda nice.

• 1:02:02Speaker 01

  That's just, that guy's cool.

• 1:02:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. No, you, you see like the serious runners at the track and they're like, they're freaks, dude. There, I, I did the 400, I gave it my all, and there was a guy who was just doing that pace, just nonstop around the track.

• 1:02:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:16Matt McCusker?

  And I was just like, bro, I don't, I don't know how you do that. Although he was fucking ripped. I'm fat as hell, so.

• 1:02:21Speaker 01

  Matt, come on, man. You've got a perfect bod right now.

• 1:02:23Matt McCusker?

  I thought I did. I thought I did.

• 1:02:25Speaker 01

  Matt, your bod's fucking rocking right now.

• 1:02:27Matt McCusker?

  I thought my bod was rocking, but it's...

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  Your bod's rocking, dude. Don't let those little fucks get in your head.

• 1:02:31Matt McCusker?

  Dude, they're killing.

• 1:02:32Speaker 01

  Your daughter's getting in your head.

• 1:02:33Matt McCusker?

  I was just, I was just...

• 1:02:35Speaker 01

  But they are learning, dude. They're learning the ways of the woman.

• 1:02:36Matt McCusker?

  Oh, they're killing, dude. Crushed me. And also now Chloe, if I drop anything, she goes, "Fuck!"

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  That's awesome.

• 1:02:43Matt McCusker?

  Cause she's heard me say it so many times. So I won't even say it. I'll drop something and she goes, "Fuck!"

• 1:02:47Speaker 01

  That's awesome.

• 1:02:48Matt McCusker?

  It's so funny.

• 1:02:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, when little kids swear, it's...

• 1:02:50Matt McCusker?

  It's so, especially when they know like the right context.

• 1:02:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:53Matt McCusker?

  I had, like, I'll be like, dude, you know, you're good. Don't, you don't have to do that. She'll be like, okay. Fuck.

• 1:02:58Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:02:58Matt McCusker?

  So nice.

• 1:02:59Speaker 01

  Anytime I call my sister, she's on speakerphone and the kids are in the car and I never know. So I'm like, this fucking guy, the kids, immediately you hear Anthony like, fucking, fucking. Katie will be like, hey, you don't say that. You hear him laughing, you're like, damn.

• 1:03:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, the kids are not freaks, you're like, oh, okay. Or if you like calmly, you go, yeah, that's a really bad word. They're like, what? No, I didn't know that.

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  That's serious stuff.

• 1:03:21Matt McCusker?

  That's a bad word.

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  They're gonna get you.

• 1:03:23Matt McCusker?

  And they're scared of the police. You hit kids, they're like, yeah, the police could come get you.

• 1:03:27Speaker 01

  I remember, I remember the fear of the police. Prank called 911 once from the park and a cop showed up, just ran through a field crying.

• 1:03:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Brittany would be like, I don't want them to be afraid of the police. I'm like, dude, I'm sorry, but I'm definitely gonna use this on them every time I have to. That's fine, I'll just call the police officers. They're like, no, no, no. I told you Maya found out I had gone, I had gotten arrested before. She was talking about like cops getting bad guys and I was just like, you know, I got arrested once. She was like, what?

• 1:03:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:00Matt McCusker?

  What happened? I was like, I was just being bad.

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  Just being bad guy.

• 1:04:03Matt McCusker?

  She was like, it was, it was actually really sweet. She was like, it's okay, I love you even though you got arrested by the police. I was like, thank you, Maya.

• 1:04:09Speaker 01

  That's really nice.

• 1:04:11Matt McCusker?

  She thinks if you get arrested, she thinks they're like a monster. She really thinks cops are out there getting like, like, you know, people from like TV shows who are like trying to like

• 1:04:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:20Matt McCusker?

  decimate cities.

• 1:04:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:22Matt McCusker?

  So whenever like someone's pulled over, she's like, dad, they got a bad guy.

• 1:04:25Speaker 01

  That guy was trying to blow up Austin.

• 1:04:27Matt McCusker?

  For real.

• 1:04:27Speaker 01

  That guy.

• 1:04:28Matt McCusker?

  She's like, oh my God, a bad guy.

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  That guy has a nuclear bomb in his car.

• 1:04:33Matt McCusker?

  I think there's like a real like supervillain.

• 1:04:35Speaker 01

  I can't judge, I think that. I see someone getting pulled over, I'm like, drugs, drugs in the trunk, there could be a shootout right now. If there's more than one cop car, I'm like, this is fucking serious.

• 1:04:45Matt McCusker?

  Apparently they have to do that. They're like supposed to have someone else. When they were like, we have anything better to do? It's like they need another guy there apparently, so.

• 1:04:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, that happens every time. I think that happened to us in South Carolina, it happens all the time.

• 1:04:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they pull up.

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  One guy gets you and then another car comes. You're like, oh, great, fellas, you guys are really fucking bringing out the whole force for this.

• 1:05:03Matt McCusker?

  That was, it was.

• 1:05:04Speaker 01

  Jaywalking, huh?

• 1:05:05Matt McCusker?

  It was nice when the older cops gave the young cop hell. And he was like, oh, nice, you got some jaywalkers, nice work, guys.

• 1:05:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was awesome.

• 1:05:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that fucking ruled. Yeah, being a cop.

• 1:05:14Speaker 01

  It was a great night.

• 1:05:15Matt McCusker?

  I came.

• 1:05:15Speaker 01

  I cherish that.

• 1:05:16Matt McCusker?

  That was, that was so fun.

• 1:05:17Speaker 01

  I remember being just drunk enough to talk shit to the cops.

• 1:05:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, oh dude. I thought for sure, I was so stoned and you can't, you weren't even talking shit, you were just laughing at the guy to his face.

• 1:05:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was crazy.

• 1:05:27Matt McCusker?

  He'd be like, you gotta do this and he'd be like, bah, I was like, come on, please don't let us get arrested. I don't wanna get arrested. He, that guy, he was.

• 1:05:36Speaker 01

  He was a fucking dork.

• 1:05:37Matt McCusker?

  He stunk dude.

• 1:05:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:39Matt McCusker?

  Young cops are for real the worst. Young gung ho out of the academy.

• 1:05:42Speaker 01

  He like sped up to try to like almost fucking hit us.

• 1:05:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was kinda nuts.

• 1:05:46Speaker 01

  He was so far away.

• 1:05:46Matt McCusker?

  I was across the street.

• 1:05:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, I was moving a little slow, my church days are over.

• 1:05:50Matt McCusker?

  No, no, no, you were ahead of me. I waited. You, you ran across and I waited and I saw the cops get you and I was like, I just gotta go over there, maybe I can smooth it out.

• 1:06:00Speaker 01

  You were high as shit.

• 1:06:01Matt McCusker?

  Well, I had a giant bowl in my pocket, I had a fucking like wizard pipe this big in my pocket. And he was like, and I was like, I thought I was gonna buy, I was gonna buy like honesty points and I was like, it was like a 20 year old cop, I was like, uh, I just wanna be honest here, I do have a pipe on me, it's just a giant, very ornate thing. I feel like he gave, didn't he give it back? I feel like he gave it back.

• 1:06:22Speaker 01

  I think he may have.

• 1:06:23Matt McCusker?

  I think he gave me.

• 1:06:24Speaker 01

  That was all the, the veteran. The vet showed up and was like, dude, what are you doing?

• 1:06:28Matt McCusker?

  He definitely didn't smash it, I would've remembered.

• 1:06:30Speaker 01

  He was being real serious.

• 1:06:31Matt McCusker?

  Oh, he was such, such a dickhead about it. Do you have any weed on you? I said, no sir.

• 1:06:36Speaker 01

  No, smoked it all, chiefed it.

• 1:06:38Matt McCusker?

  Who chiefed it?

• 1:06:38Speaker 01

  Your honor.

• 1:06:39Matt McCusker?

  Who chiefed it?

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  How nice were the nugs? Oh.

• 1:06:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:06:47Speaker 01

  Great trip, hotel pools.

• 1:06:49Matt McCusker?

  So fun. That, well, that was all driving too.

• 1:06:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was a good time.

• 1:06:52Matt McCusker?

  Nothing but driving, that was nice as a feature, you brought your own support.

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  Crazy.

• 1:06:57Matt McCusker?

  You brought the host.

• 1:06:58Speaker 01

  Crazy move. Yeah, they never worked with me again.

• 1:07:03Speaker 01

  And then we just heckled the fucking headline the whole time.

• 1:07:07Speaker 01

  It was a real dickhead move.

• 1:07:08Matt McCusker?

  No, that was warranted man.

• 1:07:10Speaker 01

  He was, yeah, he was being a dickhead, but if I were him, I'd, I would've, I would've been so sad. If the feature brought a host and they were mean to me.

• 1:07:19Matt McCusker?

  I was making fun.

• 1:07:20Speaker 01

  For like two weeks.

• 1:07:22Matt McCusker?

  We stayed in the same place.

• 1:07:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:24Matt McCusker?

  I remember, I do remember at one point I was getting, I was getting assy toward the guy. And it was, yeah, it was just too hard not to.

• 1:07:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was a dork.

• 1:07:32Matt McCusker?

  He was a huge dork.

• 1:07:33Speaker 01

  There was blood in the water and we were abusing substances, getting drunk and be like, fucking dork bitch.

• 1:07:41Matt McCusker?

  Just in the comedy.

• 1:07:42Speaker 01

  Shut the fuck up.

• 1:07:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's dude, that's the uh, that was the Dave Smith debate. It was for real, a pure bully.

• 1:07:49Speaker 01

  Just went right through it.

• 1:07:49Matt McCusker?

  Bully sesh. He just bullied the guy the whole, he laughed in his face, bullied him. The guy was being ridiculous. But just, it was like, it was rough. Just watching it. It was like a pure, I mean, it was literally like a, like a New York Times nerd.

• 1:08:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:06Matt McCusker?

  Who just couldn't, he couldn't have, he couldn't come up with like any cool comebacks.

• 1:08:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:11Matt McCusker?

  And it was just Dave Smith who's been.

• 1:08:13Speaker 01

  Type of guy you really want to punch in the belly.

• 1:08:15Matt McCusker?

  In the, oh yeah, dude, the New York Times guy, especially when he hit finally to go, cause he'd be like, at first he was like, play the video, they play, he plays a video from 10 years ago, gets literally Dave laughs in his face. It was like, you are a fucking loser. And the guy doubles down and goes, played it good. He's like, why, why would he play it? Just played it good. And it was, it was, dude, it was rough, man. It was so bad. Then eventually he took the bait and he goes, you're just a little man. A little man from Brooklyn and I'm not afraid of you.

• 1:08:46Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm not afraid of you.

• 1:08:47Matt McCusker?

  I'm not afraid of you.

• 1:08:48Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:08:48Matt McCusker?

  They've hit him with tough talk. He hit him with like the tough guy zoom being, oh, you're pretty tough on zoom, aren't you? He's, you're a little man. And Dave stunned him with the moab and he just goes.

• 1:08:59Matt McCusker?

  You can tell it hit him too, man. He for real.

• 1:09:02Speaker 01

  That does hit you. If somebody genuinely hits you with the, the moab, dude, it fucking hurts.

• 1:09:07Matt McCusker?

  A zoom moab.

• 1:09:14Matt McCusker?

  And you can tell like.

• 1:09:15Speaker 01

  He was sitting back with his fucking wife in bed after.

• 1:09:18Matt McCusker?

  Just getting in.

• 1:09:18Speaker 01

  How did zoom go? I'll, I'll tell you, the guy called me a.

• 1:09:23Matt McCusker?

  Oh, well, that's not good. I called him a scared, a scared little man. By the way, when you say scared little man, I hate to break it to you, what you're essentially calling somebody is the moab.

• 1:09:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:32Matt McCusker?

  They're dancing around it.

• 1:09:34Speaker 01

  They dance around.

• 1:09:35Matt McCusker?

  You're a scared little man in a pink sweater.

• 1:09:39Speaker 01

  You walk kinda funny and you kiss guys.

• 1:09:42Matt McCusker?

  You're calling someone gay if you're going, you're a little man. You're a effeminate little man. But yeah, that was a, I highly recommend watching that. It's very, very, very.

• 1:09:51Speaker 01

  Give it a watch. That sounds great.

• 1:09:52Matt McCusker?

  We should give it a watch in between. It's very fucking funny.

• 1:09:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, switch over, let's watch it now and then switch to the page.

• 1:09:57Matt McCusker?

  Let's do it.

• 1:10:08Speaker 05

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• 1:10:39Speaker 06

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