Where Are You Rushing To? | No Shame In Needing Help

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Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to another episode of the Daily Stoic Podcast. On Thursdays, we do double duty, not just reading our daily meditation, but also reading a passage from the book, The Daily Stoic, 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living, which I wrote with my wonderful co-author and collaborator, Stephen Hanselman. And so today, we'll give you a quick meditation from one of the Stoics, from Epictetus, Marx, Rilis, Seneca, then some analysis from me. And then we send you out into the world to do your best to turn these words into works.

• 0:44Ryan Holiday?

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• 1:29Ryan Holiday?

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• 2:16Ryan Holiday?

  Where are you rushing to? You're in a hurry to get to the office, to get through the meeting, to get to the restaurant, to get the kids to bed, to go on your vacation. We rush because we have somewhere to go, something we want to do more, stuff we have to get over with. But it's worth asking, as the Stoics did. What are we really rushing through? Because on the other side of whatever you're doing, eventually, inevitably, it's one thing. What you're rushing towards is death. And you're doing it at the expense of the present moment. You tell yourself that the future, the thing you're after, will be better. But in truth, that's not guaranteed. The only thing for sure is now. Seneca reminds us that death is something that's happening now, even as you read this. "The time that passes belongs to death," he says.

• 3:00Ryan Holiday?

  "What is lived, we never get back. We are dying every minute, every day. And when we hurry, we are speeding that along." So, slow down. Don't rush through this moment. Exist in it. Be present for it, even if it is mundane, even if there is something else you'd rather be doing, even if what comes next is likely better. Because this moment is a gift. Show up for it. Enjoy it. Don't cast it aside for door number two, because eventually, behind that door, will be death. Don't choose death. Choose now. No shame in needing help. This is the June 16th entry in The Daily Stoic. And I'm reading to you today from The Daily Stoic, 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance,

• 3:45Ryan Holiday?

  and the Art of Living by yours truly, my co-author and translator, Stephen Hanselman. You can get signed copies, by the way, in the Daily Stoic store. Over a million copies of The Daily Stoic in print now. It's been just such a lovely experience to watch it. It's been more than 250 weeks, consecutive weeks, on the Bestsellers. It's just an awesome experience. But I hope you check it out. We have a premium leather edition at store.dailystoic.com as well. But let's get on with today's reading. It is fitting, I guess, today is my birthday, June 16th. I am turning 35, that we are going to be quoting one of my absolute favorite quotes from Marcus Aurelius, all-time favorite quotes.

• 4:29Ryan Holiday?

  Marcus Aurelius says, "Don't be ashamed of needing help. You have a duty to fulfill, just like a soldier on the wall of battle." So what if you're injured and can't climb up without another soldier's help? So what? That's Marcus Aurelius's Meditations 7:7. You know what? I like this quote so much. I'm going to give you the Hayes one as well. What is that? It's a 7:7. So let me give you 7:7 from Hayes. Hayes says, "Don't be ashamed to need help like a soldier storming a wall. You have a mission to accomplish. And if you've been wounded and need a comrade to pull you up, so what?"

• 5:11Ryan Holiday?

  And let's grab, where is it? Let's grab the Robin Waterfield one, too. See what he says about it. "There's no shame in being helped because you've got to do the job you've been set, like a soldier storming the city wall. Suppose you had a limp and were unable to scale the battlements on your own, but could do so with someone's assistance." Right? So what? That's what he's saying. And the reason I love this quote so much, and actually, let me get to the Meditations first. "No one ever said you were born with all the tools you'd need to solve every problem you'd face in life. In fact, as a newborn, you were practically helpless.

• 5:54Ryan Holiday?

  Someone helped you then, and you came to understand that you could ask for help. It's how you knew that you were loved. Well, you are still loved, and you can ask for help from anyone. You don't have to face everything on your own. If you need help, comrade, just ask." Look, the idea here, and why I love this quote so much, is it flies in the face of this stereotype of the emotionless, robotic, superhuman stoic that cannot ask for aid, cannot rely on anyone that is an island. You are not an island. That's what Marcus Aurelius is saying. No, you're part of a phalanx. You're part of a troop, a brigade, a battalion, and you're all in this together,

• 6:39Ryan Holiday?

  protecting each other, helping each other. And in fact, to not ask for help, to just lay there and to give up, is not just weak, but cowardly, right? You have to be able to ask for help. There's a great book, I've read it to my kids a million times, called The Boy, the Fox, the Horse, and the Mole. We sell it at the painted porch. If you haven't read it, even as an adult, I promise you, you've got to get this book. But anyways, there's a passage in the book, he says, Asking for help isn't giving up. It's refusing to give up. Right? Asking for help isn't weak. It's a sign of strength. You don't, you're not afraid of being seen as weak. You're committed. You're unbeatable, right? You, you will not go down without a fight.

• 7:22Ryan Holiday?

  And you're willing to do anything and everything to keep going, including asking for help. So I don't know what you're going through. I don't know what's going on in your life. I don't know what you're struggling with, but you should not be afraid to ask for help. You should ask for help. Asking for help is important. I talk to my wife about this sometimes, like we'll be at a store and she's just looking all over the place for the thing. And I'd go, there are people whose job it is to help you. And in fact, by going and asking that Home Depot employee to show you something, there, that's like one box that they don't have to lift. That's one, you're giving them purpose and something to do. Right? By asking for help, you are giving other people the opportunity to feel and do good. Think about it that way.

• 8:05Ryan Holiday?

  Like when your friends ask for help, are you like, oh, this fucking guy? No, you're glad, right? When your siblings ask for help, like you, you enjoy the opportunity. So why would you think that other people would judge you or think critically of you? Or refuse you help? They wouldn't. So don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be afraid to show weakness or vulnerability. This is a good thing. And I hope that you do it. This could be therapy. This could be opening up to a spouse. This could be opening up to a parent, to a loved one, to a friend, could be to a total stranger, could be just asking for directions when you're lost. Don't be afraid to ask for help. It is not un-Stoic. And in fact, to persist in ignorance or error or uncertainty

• 8:50Ryan Holiday?

  because you are afraid of looking foolish. Well, that is to miss the point of Stoicism, as Epictetus says. If you want to improve, you have to be willing to be seen as foolish. I'm not saying you will look foolish by asking for help, but you have to get over that fear of what other people will think to ask for and get what you need. So please, please do it. And appreciate all of your support here at Daily Stoic. And I'm going to go have some fun on my birthday. So talk to you tomorrow.

• 9:22Ryan Holiday?

  Thanks so much for listening. If you could rate this podcast and leave a review on iTunes, that would mean so much to us and would really help the show. We appreciate it, and I'll see you next episode.