‘Weird Science’ With Bill Simmons and Kyle Brandt

There's going to be sex, drugs, rock ’n’ roll, chips, dips, chains, whips … your basic Rewatchables episode. The Ringer’s Bill Simmons and Kyle Brandt revisit John Hughes’s 1985 hit ‘Weird Science,’ starring Anthony Michael Hall, Kelly LeBrock, and Ilan Mitchell-Smith. Producers: Craig Horlbeck, Chia Hao Tat, and Eduardo Ocampo Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with the Personal Price Plan®. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there®. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:00Bill Simmons?

  The Rewatchables brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network. Kyle Brandt, you can find him on Good Morning Football. You can find him on ESPN platforms popping up from time to time. I saw him on SportsCenter a few weeks ago doing his... It's like you're doing bits. You did this for Van Pelt. You did this Aaron Rodgers as a mid-40s guy, how you kind of appreciate as a fellow mid-40s guy, like to watch him just get exasperated by people. I really enjoyed that.

• 1:27Speaker 02

  Dude, Rodgers has completely stopped caring. He's always been mad at his teammates. Now he just screams at them on the field. It doesn't even matter. He's like, what the hell? I've always been this way? Now I'm just gonna be me, buddy.

• 1:37Bill Simmons?

  And so you just see him walking down the driveway, getting his mail in the Tony Soprano bathroom, just yelling at the leaf blower guy next door. Anyway, we are going to do a movie that Kyle Brandt has been suggesting ever since he started popping on the Rewatchables, which I think was about five years ago. It's Weird Science. This movie is bonkers, and it's next. This episode is presented by PayPal. Let's talk holiday shopping. Make the most of your money with PayPal. They give you the flexibility to pay in for, no fees, no interest. Save the offer in the PayPal app to get 5% Cash back when you pay later. So whether you're shopping for an ugly sweater party, or a gala, or whatever else, PayPal helps you make the most of your money. This holiday expires 12/31.

• 2:21Bill Simmons?

  See paypal.com/promoterms. Subject to approval. Learn more at paypal.com/payingfor. PayPal, Inc., NMLS 910457.

• 2:48Bill Simmons?

  All right, Kyle Brandt. Sheila Benson, reviewing this for the Los Angeles Times, who, in the same review, described Kelly LeBrack as triumphant, which I'd like to agree with, and the film's greatest asset. I would also agree with that. She thought the film's appeal was limited to audiences of 15-year-old boys, and quote, "Maybe the 16-year-olds, if they aren't yet too fussy." And I mention this because I was 15 years old when I saw this movie in the theater. I was the target audience, and I loved it. And I've seen it many times since. And I appreciate that they made it. It's also insane in 2025 to watch this. And yet, is this a movie that makes more sense in 1985 or 2025 to you?

• 3:32Speaker 02

  You're stewed, Bud Wad. I think it made perfect sense for me in 85. Bill, I think I saw it when I was maybe eight. And I was like, holy shit. This is awesome. The computers, and the girl, and the cars, and high school. I can't wait to get to high school. I think in 85, it was like, okay, this is probably John Hughes' least serious movie. Probably his least respected 80s movie. But in 85, it fit right in, because of the stuff I already said. Beautiful woman, horny dudes, cool, fast cars, so many bullies, just bullies on bullies. And now, as we watch it, it's like, I know we're going to get to all this.

• 4:17Speaker 02

  All-time, all-time Bill Paxton. Really fun, young Downey to look back at, and showing up like in weird places. And I still think it's a fun watch, but it's a really weird one now.

• 4:29Bill Simmons?

  I would go more toward super fun watch with some weird elements that I just think you have to factor in with the eighties. But I had this list of semi deranged 1985 teen movies.

• 4:41Speaker 02

  Oh, come on.

• 4:42Bill Simmons?

  For some reason is specific for 1985. Cause I think we'd had some teen movies for a couple of years and then people were like, what if we just start getting a little weird?

• 4:51Speaker 02

  Let's push it.

• 4:52Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. So Weird Science, made by John Hughes, who we're going to talk about, who had made 16 Candles, he made Breakfast Club, he's made a million things, but this is probably the weirdest of all the eighties movies he's made. So there's that one. There's Better Off Dead, made by Savage Steve Holland. Which is almost like parodying the teen movie as they're making a teen movie. There's Teen Wolf, which we've already done.

• 5:15Speaker 02

  My first rewatchable.

• 5:16Bill Simmons?

  There's Just One of the Guys, which we haven't done yet, but is on the list. There's Legend of Billie Jean, which we just did. There's Secret Admirer, which is a combination teen movie, but it's also like The Ice Storm. It's like multiple couples having like marital issues and it just doesn't know what's happening. Vision Quest, about the horny wrestler who has the hot 22 year old move in. And then Mischief, which goes back to the 50s, but is basically the same premise of kid trying to get laid, Kelly Preston's there. There's some James Dean type guy. So I just listed eight movies where they were like, let's get weird. There are probably more than that. And then after that, we start moving into

• 6:00Bill Simmons?

  I, it's some different era. We start getting into like Lucas and, you know, I, I don't know. It just shifts after this year. Does that make sense?

• 6:10Speaker 02

  It does make sense, and I think there's a cross section that I have. I have my own list that really in the diagram with yours is perfect for weird science. Like you mentioned the Linda Fiorentino character in Vision Quest, right? So. In the eighties, right now, at this point, there is a run on mystical, almost magical, beautiful women showing up in movies. And women were getting glamorized so differently then because of MTV and all of the media right now. But just think about this. So before Weird Science, we have Splash, where there's this beautiful mermaid that comes out of the water and loves Tom Hanks, all right? You have Vacation, where like the dorky dads driving cross-country in, oh my God, in

• 6:52Speaker 02

  a red Ferrari, there's the hottest woman of all time, just keeps appearing magically next to me. A couple of years after this, Bill, if you wanted to talk about how weird it gets, then we're going to Mannequin, where now we're like Andrew McCarthy's Fall in Love with a mannequin in an apartment store, like these magical women who are almost science fiction but are so beautiful come and find the dorky guy. And Weird Science was right in the middle of that. It's probably the most well-known one in that regard.

• 7:16Bill Simmons?

  And you left out Can't Buy Me Love, which is another version of this, where the guy's like, what if I used all my lawnmower money for a couple of years and bought a fake girlfriend for a couple of months? But the premise, over and over again in the eighties, was just guys trying to get laid. And there's all these different eras for it that are trapped from like eighty to eighty-three, eighty-two to eighty-five. A big part of this was the high school kids trying to get laid. And it's interesting watching this movie now and seeing all the stuff that spilled into movies from the two thousands. Like, I feel like, I don't know which was the biggest influence on Superbad, but I think you could make a case it's Weird Science.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Agreed. Yeah.

• 8:01Bill Simmons?

  There's the big, big party scene.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 8:03Bill Simmons?

  Jonah Hill's character is very similar to the Anthony Michael Hall character. I actually feel like they're, it's almost like it's his son.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  Bill, you're a hundred percent spot on, and I also thought the same thing. This movie ends almost the same way Superbad ends, with the two guys separately going with these girls that they like.

• 8:20Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 8:21Speaker 03

  And then reconvening at the end and it being more about their relationship as much as it is their relationship with the girls.

• 8:25Bill Simmons?

  You have a crazy party in Superbad, you have an important mall scene in Superbad, you have these guys just completely fucking it up with girls they like. It's like the two and two, like there's an immediate match, you know what the match is. And so I never really, and I've seen this Weird Science so many times, but I hadn't seen it probably in like five, six years. And that Superbad thing jumped out to me.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  And you have in Superbad, like, really funny side characters like Rogan and Hater, who are showing up and just like killing scenes. And that's Paxton here.

• 8:57Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  That's Downey, that's everybody, that's John Kaplos in one scene, like, just people showing up. It's also, dude, like, also a Superbad. I haven't watched this in a while, but I've watched it a hundred times. This movie is super quotable. It was one of those things that

• 9:12Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  I say so many of these things that these characters say. Like, to this day, if my friend hands me a beer, I'll be like, "Did you spit in this?" You know, like, just all the dumb chat lines. I say all that shit, just like in Superbad.

• 9:25Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, we had, this is a big quote movie for me and my high school friends.

• 9:29Speaker 02

  Definitely.

• 9:29Bill Simmons?

  And then two of them went on to go to Colgate. So I'm in, I've been in the fantasy football league with all these guys since 1990. And I told them we were doing this. And it just immediately, like, quotes started flying around. The one that, for some reason, we did the most, my buddy Jim Grady.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  What is it?

• 9:45Bill Simmons?

  It's Gary's dad. When it was the, who, who's Gary? Who's this Gary character you keep talking? We, we did that for 12 years. Anytime one of our friends started dating a girl and, like, kind of disappeared for a couple of weeks, we'd be like, "Who's, who's camp? Who's this camp character you keep talking about?" I, I don't know why, but Gary's dad was like the legacy of this movie for us. We fucking loved him.

• 10:09Speaker 02

  My friends and I quote Gary's dad too, but we quote whenever we're going to a party. We call it a soiree and we go, "Swar what? Swar what?" I constantly, to this day, I'll say, "Swar what."

• 10:21Bill Simmons?

  The guy was amazing. All right, I have some questions before we get to John Hughes.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 10:26Bill Simmons?

  Do, do, you normally have put these in probably to answerable questions, but I think we have to get into this now because the premise of this movie is these guys create their dream girl from a computer.

• 10:35Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 10:36Bill Simmons?

  Feeding magazine pictures into it. And there's some Frankenstein elements.

• 10:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:41Bill Simmons?

  There's some lightning and some things that just made more sense in the 80s than they do now. Were these the first two hackers? Or would you say, in a movie, or would you go back to War Games? Do you count Matthew Broderick's character in War Games as a hacker? Or would you say these? These two are the real hackers. And did we have a hacker before this? I was, I was thinking about this, I couldn't really come up with one.

• 11:02Speaker 02

  It's in, it's in the, it's in the details. Like Wyatt and Gary full up set out to hack. Like they're going on the computer to hack and they're trying to hack into some sort of military thing that I don't understand. I think they're a little bit more premeditated than in war games. But they ironically, they both end up with a nuclear missile. Like that's just how, that's how, because everything came up nukes in the eighties, it just did. All roads led to nukes in eighties movies, you had to.

• 11:27Bill Simmons?

  There was this stretch in, in, uh, from I would say eighty to eighty seven in, in movies. Where I would have believed that anything with, that involved the computer, because they didn't understand it. Right? So it's like, could, could Matthew Broderick play chess with a computer? Sure. I don't, I mean, we had a, I had like one of the earliest apples that I really only used to play for video games.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:51Bill Simmons?

  Like we had it, as somebody got it for, I, I don't even think it was for me. I think my stepdad just got one. We had it and I would just go and play like four or five different games, including Dr. J versus Larry Bird. I, so when I would see a movie like this, I was like, could I do stuff like this on my computer?

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:10Bill Simmons?

  But I, I don't know, we didn't even have like an internet. Like, I don't even know how they were able to go from that computer into anything.

• 12:17Speaker 02

  I don't either. And we, isn't it interesting? Cause the last pod you and I did, we did sneakers, which is in the nineties. And we still didn't know what computers could do with this. That was years later and we still didn't know what they were capable of. But I think like, I think when Wyatt and Gary start hacking in the computer and it gets super cheesy and everything. I bet in the theater in nineteen eighty five, people were fucking screaming like, oh my God.

• 12:39Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 12:40Speaker 02

  They're in a tunnel and it says access denied. And then Wyatt makes it go away and it makes a bowling ball sound. Holy shit. That was like the, the beach scene in Private Ryan. They could not fucking believe what they were watching. I think it was crazy.

• 12:53Bill Simmons?

  Well, that's why I asked you before about eighty five versus twenty five.

• 12:56Speaker 02

  Eighty five.

• 12:57Bill Simmons?

  Because now you could make a version of Weird Science about AI, which none of us understand either. And I feel like I would believe that too. It's like, these guys created a girlfriend out of AI. It's like, sure, I, it sounds, sounds like something.

• 13:13Speaker 02

  That's gonna be the remake.

• 13:14Bill Simmons?

  AI family.

• 13:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's gonna be weird intelligence and Gary and Wyatt make a hot woman out of AI. That's coming, it's here.

• 13:20Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. All right. So that was my first question. The next one is. And we've talked about this in the past, like pump up the volume, clearly created podcasts.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:31Bill Simmons?

  There's been a few of these. Did this movie create Alexa AI and Chat GPT?

• 13:38Bill Simmons?

  Because initially they wanted, they're feeding computer, they're trying to just get answers, which I'd never really seen a computer do before. But when you think about it, they're basically creating Amazon Alexa coming to life that could also have sex with them was the goal.

• 13:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:53Bill Simmons?

  But that's Amazon Alexa.

• 13:55Speaker 02

  No, I think that Wyatt and Gary are trying to give Siri huge cans. That's the idea.

• 13:59Bill Simmons?

  Siri, another one. Yeah.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:01Bill Simmons?

  Siri with big, huge cans.

• 14:02Speaker 02

  Yes. I think they're ahead of it. I think they're way ahead of it. And also, by the way, listen, they make her unbelievably intelligent, all-knowing Albert Einstein's brains, David Lee Roth's flamboyance, all of that stuff. So I do think that like Amazon and Alexa and Siri stand on the shoulders of Lisa. I do.

• 14:20Bill Simmons?

  Well, I wonder whoever created Siri was if they were inspired by Weird Science. Like Wyatt and Gary were on something. People just want answers.

• 14:28Speaker 02

  It's that. And then it's also like, I think we've talked about it, like the movie Her with Joaquin Phoenix is an all-timer.

• 14:34Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 14:34Speaker 02

  All fucking timer. He has sex with the beach because he thinks it's Scarlett Johansson. Like that was the movie 15 years or so later, whatever that was that Weird Science was doing. There's always been like, I want to make a fake hot woman because I can't meet a real one. And they don't want to talk to me. And it's like, that was even into the 90s. That, you know, that song Creep by Radiohead, that's just about like a guy who like the hot girls won't talk to him and he's miserable. That's really, that was in the 80s. It's timeless. No one will talk to me, so I should make someone and then they'll talk to me.

• 15:04Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, but this makes more sense. I mean, Derek Thompson just did a podcast for us about male loneliness and, you know, people who just, it's just easier not to even have relationships with anybody and just do everything through the computer, basically. And that's, that's kind of how you interact, which is what made it, that's why I asked before about 85 versus 20, 25, like. These kids ultimately, they're doing this because they can't meet anybody. And when we made these movies in the eighties, it was like, oh, but they will because, you know, this is, it'll all work out for them.

• 15:37Speaker 02

  I know.

• 15:38Bill Simmons?

  But now these kids probably don't leave the house.

• 15:40Speaker 02

  No, they don't. And I think when, when Gary's like, Wyatt, let's make a woman on your computer. Wyatt would be like, let's just go to Pornhub. It'll take two seconds. We can see anything we want. And they just click on that and it's done. They would just watch porn now.

• 15:52Bill Simmons?

  See, John Hughes saw it all coming.

• 15:53Speaker 02

  Damn right.

• 15:54Bill Simmons?

  John Hughes, we always do this. I have to just give his eighty-three to ninety run really quickly. Mr. Mom wrote it. Vacation wrote it. Sixteen Candles, Breakfast Club. European Vacation wrote that. Weird Science, Pretty in Pink, Ferris Bueller, Some Kind of Wonderful, Planes, Trains and Automobiles, She's Having a Baby, The Great Outdoors, Uncle Buck, and then wrote Christmas Vacation and wrote Home Alone. And it was in eight years. And it's, I, I wrote down in my notes here, Hughes and Taylor Sheridan are the two greatest creative, creative forces we've ever had. They're the two people that you could be like, is the limitless drug real?

• 16:28Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 16:29Bill Simmons?

  Did these guys take the limitless drug? Did they find it? Did somebody give it to them? Cause there's no other explanation.

• 16:34Speaker 02

  Also, the weird science to me feels heat checky for Hughes too. Like he

• 16:39Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 16:39Speaker 02

  has already done Pretty in Pink. He has already done Breakfast Club. He does this movie right after Breakfast Club. They came out the same year, about eight months apart. And the story goes that he's like on set with, with, in the Breakfast Club and he loves Anthony Michael Hall. He wants to make every movie with him. And he's like, I got our next movie. We're gonna make a woman and you're gonna be in it. And Anthony Michael Hall's like, sure, let's go for it. And he, I, he makes the heat check. That's the thing. Like this movie's still being talked about forty years later. And it's all so cool because you would get this, especially if you were in high school, like, it's the Hughes verse. It's all in the same town and this people seem kind of related. And if you're a huge Hughes head like me, when you watch Weird Science, there's even parts of dialogue, like Wyatt or Gary talks about his girlfriend in Canada.

• 17:24Speaker 02

  Like that's a thing directly from Breakfast Club.

• 17:26Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 17:26Speaker 02

  He makes the joke about Lisa could have fun in an insurance seminar. Neil Page talks about insurance seminars and Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Like there's a lot of crossover. And if you're a nerd for it, you, you just immediately perk up.

• 17:38Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, she's in the Niagara Falls area. You wouldn't know her.

• 17:41Speaker 02

  You wouldn't know her. I met her in Canada. Same thing in this movie. Same joke.

• 17:44Bill Simmons?

  Another, another joke that's gone on for, for 40 years. I didn't always forget that Hughes really saw Anthony Michael Hollis as proxy. He's always playing Hughes in every film and Hughes obviously, you know, had a lot of, lot of pent up stuff from when he was in high school. Which Roger Ebert in his review, which I'll give you the stars later, but he wrote that Hall was the geek in 16 candles and the intellectual in Breakfast Club. And I like John Hughes's definition of a geek. So he quotes John Hughes. I couldn't find this. Ebert was the only one that said John Hughes said this. A geek is the guy, a geek is a guy who has everything going for him, but he's just too young. By contrast, a nerd will be a nerd all of his life.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 18:30Bill Simmons?

  I thought that was such a great way to put it.

• 18:32Speaker 02

  That's poetic.

• 18:33Bill Simmons?

  Geeks, geeks can break out of it. Nerds can't.

• 18:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:37Bill Simmons?

  But I don't feel like we use the word geek as much anymore. We, we just use nerds and dorks. So maybe is dork now geek? Well, I don't know.

• 18:44Speaker 02

  I remember it was very in vogue when it was the Geek Squad would like come to your house and set up your wifi from Best Buy or whatever. They branded that a little bit. But I always feel like it's, at least now, like nerds are really proud of being a nerds. I, I've called myself a nerd twice in this podcast. Like you're a nerd for Lord of the Rings. You're a nerd for Star Wars. It's actually really cool, but in the eighties, I'm not sure that it was.

• 19:06Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, we call it nerd culture at The Ringer. So nerd became, and geeks kind of bounced out, but you know, I, in the Anthony Michael Hall character in this movie is a good example, right? He's, he clearly doesn't know how to make the meal yet.

• 19:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:24Bill Simmons?

  But he, but he has the tools and you know, it's gonna ha, you know, he's gonna go to college and he's gonna blossom and it's all sitting there inside him. I'm not sure about, uh, I'm not sure about Wyatt.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  Wyatt, yeah, that's tough.

• 19:36Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I'm not sure what happens with Wyatt down the road.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  Well, my, one of my problems with the movie as an adult now, just watching it, I'm like, Gary's really cool. What's going on here? Gary is charismatic, funny, confident. He's got the cool eighties haircut. Like, I know that he's the nerd in Breakfast Club and stuff and Pretty in Pink, but like, you tell me Gary, Gary feels more like Ferris Bueller to me. Like, he's just like the guy that everyone would want to be around and he's kind of playing the nerd. It's a little bit of a tough sell because he's just so charismatic.

• 20:03Bill Simmons?

  Well, it's funny because, so he does, Anthony Michael Hall does Vacation, 16 Candles, Weird Science and Breakfast Club, all in a row. And basically in that order, except that they filmed Weird Science and Breakfast Club next to each other. But he comes out of those four and then they want him to be in Pretty in Pink and they want him to be in Ferris Bueller. Because Hughes was just like, you're my guy. This is like, I'm Scorsese and you're De Niro, basically. And he turned down both roles. Now, I understand why he turned down Pretty in Pink because that was basically Hughes karaoke in a lot of ways.

• 20:37Speaker 02

  And this is, this is Ducky. This is the John Cryer role.

• 20:40Bill Simmons?

  Right. But Ferris, I think would have been a really good Anthony Michael Hall kind of move for him. To kind of move away from the dork side, tap into the weird science, like, oh, you're secretly cool, but then actually really be the cool guy. And I think he should have done it. I think it's a big miss for him. He ended up going on SNL and he-

• 21:02Speaker 02

  Or does he play Cameron?

• 21:04Bill Simmons?

  No, he would have been Ferris.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  Well, Ferris, kill then. Yeah, I mean, that's, that's an all time role. But you know what? He's like, he, he does that thing where you're saying where he's like, I've played the nerd so many times, I gotta start being cool. I gotta do this. I gotta be the jock. And then as you know, where this leads is, he becomes the jock in Johnny Be Good, Back with Downey. And like, dude, I don't like that movie at all. I think it's boring and bad and I'm just not into it.

• 21:29Bill Simmons?

  Even though it's, it's young Uma Thurman.

• 21:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:33Bill Simmons?

  Just, just coming out of nowhere. And everybody's like, all right, at least young Uma Thurman's in this. And then everything that happened with her. There's another Anthony Michael Hall thing too. And I, I'm just going to give him an award early here. The Sasha Jenkins Award for Actor. I can't believe, didn't he become a bigger star?

• 21:52Bill Simmons?

  So Stanley Kubrick, for some reason, loved John Hughes movies and loved Hall and Hughes and that connection and decided he wanted Anthony Michael Hall in Full Metal Jacket. And wanted him to be Joker and they negotiated. I'm not kidding because I I checked this out multiple different ways. They negotiated for over half a year and then he ended up not doing it and he went to Mo Dean. Now, on top of this, Anthony Michael Hall joined the cast of SNL for season 11 with Downey. He had a drinking problem. Like, I think he basically became sober by the time he was 18. So he probably had some issues. But man, even if he just comes

• 22:32Bill Simmons?

  out of these four movies and does Ferris and then Full Metal Jacket, is this like one of the biggest stars of the 80s?

• 22:39Speaker 02

  Yes. I think I think with his talent and that role and that director, I think he gets an Academy Award nomination for Full Metal Jacket, especially as Joker. I mean, that's a heavy, heavy part. And then dude, like, his SNL thing is so strange and so intense. Like, first of all, youngest cast member ever, 17 years old, they get cast in SNL. 85 is known as like the weird season where

• 23:03Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, they just did a documentary about it, about how weird it was.

• 23:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, he went away, came back, and then he's like, I'm gonna hire Randy Quaid, Anthony Michael Hall, Downey Jr., Damon Wayans is showing up, and then a year later, it's like they were all just gone. It's really, really the strangest season in its history.

• 23:19Bill Simmons?

  Craig, will you come into the Zoom for a second?

• 23:23Speaker 03

  Yo.

• 23:25Bill Simmons?

  As as somebody who really grew up in the Superbad, Jonah Hill,

• 23:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:29Bill Simmons?

  that whole universe, what was the difference between Anthony Michael Hall in the mid 80s and Jonah Hill in the late 2000s that you could see?

• 23:38Speaker 03

  Um, I think Jonah Hill had an anger to him. Anthony Michael Hall was sweet, and I think a lot of the the guys who wanted to get laid in the later movies are angry. Jonah Hill was a yeller, you know, like, that was what he was best at, is just cussing people out. Anthony Michael Hall, I think, had a sweetness to him that Jonah Hill didn't need.

• 23:54Bill Simmons?

  So who was his 2000s doppelganger? Is it more like in the Jason Segel realm?

• 23:59Speaker 03

  Or it's Michael Sarah.

• 24:00Bill Simmons?

  Hmm. Oh.

• 24:01Speaker 03

  He probably plays Michael Sarah in Superbad.

• 24:04Bill Simmons?

  So he shows up and running man like twenty years later.

• 24:06Speaker 02

  Johnny be good like he doesn't have that edge to him. I think that the Jason Segel is interesting too. Like that's it's maybe more like that.

• 24:14Speaker 03

  Segel's a good one, too.

• 24:15Speaker 02

  Segel's very nice, like he's like.

• 24:16Bill Simmons?

  One of the things about the eighties is because we had less stuff going on. You really could get typecast in like a crazy way, right? So he's in these four Hughes movies and at some point you're just like, oh, you're the dork. And that's what leads to the Johnny be good move where he's like, no, not only am I not a dork. I was on SNL and now I'm playing a quarterback in a high school recruiting movie, which is terrible.

• 24:38Speaker 03

  Well, and you see it a lot. I mean, a lot of these guys try to bust out of that typecast. Jonah Hill tried to do it himself where he was like, I'm going drama. I'm I'm gonna change the way I look like he completely pivoted, so it happens.

• 24:49Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, he didn't want any part of that. And ironically, he did a couple of really good things like, but one of my son's favorite movies is mid nineties. He loves that movie and I think that's a really beloved movie that Jonah directed and wrote.

• 25:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, Moneyball, Wolf of Wall Street, yeah.

• 25:02Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I think it worked out for him, but my point is I think it should have worked out for Anthony Michael Hall.

• 25:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:08Speaker 02

  You gotta get in that Kubrick movie, dude. You gotta get in it at that point, like you can't be money, anything. Get in the movie, take up any part in that movie and you're set.

• 25:17Bill Simmons?

  Well, it seems like he had some hand on, hands on child actor parents.

• 25:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I bet.

• 25:22Bill Simmons?

  That were like, he can't do Ferris, that he can't do another Hughes movie. It's like, no, he should do Ferris. That movie's gonna be a monster.

• 25:28Speaker 03

  I think it's an interesting choice for him after Sixteen Candles and Weird Science and Breakfast Club. All of those came out before he was on SNL, I believe, which started in the fall of eighty five.

• 25:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:39Speaker 03

  Don't you think that's kind of an odd move for somebody who's essentially like the rising movie star in Hollywood? And he decides to go on Saturday Night Live?

• 25:46Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, well, I think I think he was having issues as part of the problem. So.

• 25:51Speaker 03

  And you take a job where you have to work on Saturday nights? I don't know.

• 25:54Bill Simmons?

  And I don't think it worked out great for him or Downey.

• 25:56Speaker 03

  It's an interesting career choice.

• 25:57Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 25:58Speaker 02

  Honestly, if you like, you know, the strangest thing eighty five, the season, the opening sketch of the entire season is Lorne Michaels giving the cast a drug test. Like a wink, wink, wink, like we've had some problems and it was really frowned upon. And it's like erased from the internet now. You can't find it anymore.

• 26:15Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 26:16Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 26:17Bill Simmons?

  Wow.

• 26:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a tough sk- that whole, that whole season, dude, they had Simple Minds play the first episode. They didn't play Don't You For- Don't Forget About Me. What, what are we doing here? That's the reason you're here. That's the hit song. Everything was kinda off.

• 26:28Bill Simmons?

  It's awful. It seemed like the show was gonna get canceled after that season. Alright, thanks Craig. We're bringing you back for a flex. Kelly LeBrock, her first three movies ever.

• 26:38Speaker 02

  Go on.

• 26:38Bill Simmons?

  This is her IMDb. Woman in Red with Gene Wilder, Weird Science and Hard to Kill, which we've already done in the rewatchables. Married to our beloved Steven Seagal, who's kind of our spirit animal.

• 26:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:50Bill Simmons?

  Kyle and I. Stop acting.

• 26:52Speaker 03

  She was married to Steven Seagal?

• 26:53Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  Oh, great.

• 26:55Speaker 03

  Kelly, come on, Craig. I don't think I knew that.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  Buckle up, buddy.

• 26:58Speaker 03

  This changes everything.

• 27:00Bill Simmons?

  Buckle up, Craig.

• 27:00Speaker 02

  Alright, so Bill, should we talk about it?

• 27:03Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 27:04Speaker 02

  Okay, so she does this movie, takes a long break, Kelly LeBrock. Like, she doesn't do another movie for five years, and it's, it's hard to kill. She meets Steven Seagal around 87, when he's going from like stunt trainer, right above-

• 27:20Bill Simmons?

  Earlier, 86.

• 27:21Speaker 02

  86, alright. So he's gonna do Above the Law, he's not a movie star yet. She meets him, they fall in love. Craig, they got kids together, they were married for over a decade. This was a bona fide like Hollywood power couple for over a decade, and she's like, I don't know, he was mystical and all-knowing and kind, and I was just in a vulnerable place. And that's love.

• 27:39Bill Simmons?

  She's like, I saw him run, and I knew. Once I saw him jogging.

• 27:45Speaker 03

  I heard he shit his pants on that.

• 27:46Speaker 02

  I, I have a theory, actually, that, I, I'm trying to think about it. How did this movie, doing Weird Science, lead to her marrying Steven Seagal? And my theory is that she has to play like a perfect person, and like, that's, that's tough to get over. So she's like, I think in my dating life, I'm gonna meet someone who actually thinks they are a perfect person, and maybe they can identify with me. And then she met Steven, she's like, you're the guy I'm looking for. And that's how it worked.

• 28:13Bill Simmons?

  It's a great theory. I, I think there's a counter theory, that she might have just had terrible taste in men.

• 28:20Speaker 02

  Ah, that's strong. That's strong, clearly.

• 28:24Bill Simmons?

  She's like, she's talking to her friends, they're like, so who, who've you been hanging out with the last couple of weeks? And she goes, well, there's this guy who teaches martial arts for a couple CIA agents, that they're trying to turn into a movie star. He's got a ponytail, he's mystical, and he's just an enormous asshole, and I can't get enough of him.

• 28:44Speaker 02

  Well, don't go on a date with him to Runyon Canyon because he'll probably jog and then you'll throw up and leave. Don't do that. Don't watch him run.

• 28:51Bill Simmons?

  If you listen to this guy talk for 15 minutes, you'll hit your head against the wall. I can't get enough. So the two, the two lost actresses of the eighties for falling in love were her and Phoebe Cates.

• 29:03Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:04Bill Simmons?

  Because Phoebe Cates was on a run, met Kevin Kline and was just like, hey, cool. I love Kevin Kline. I'm going to do a family. That's the happy version of this. This is the more depressing version where she ends up trying to raise a family with Seagal, only makes the one movie come back for Hard to Kill, which we've already done, which is one of the funniest action movies ever. And I don't know. And there's a John Hughes documentary where she said in Weird Science, she plays Mary Poppins with breasts, which I thought was a good way to describe the character. It's, she's the best part of the movie. It's actually a really cool character and it's not what you think the character is going to be. She's her, she's created not to have sex with these dudes, but to actually make them better people.

• 29:47Bill Simmons?

  And they kind of are better people by the end of this movie. Like, mission accomplished, I guess.

• 29:52Speaker 02

  I got some thoughts on that later, but she.

• 29:54Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 29:55Speaker 02

  Kelly LeBrock is, is good in this movie. Up into and including the final scene where she's full on tearing up and crying as she says goodbye to the boys. It's her second movie ever. She's very, very talented. And I have to say, any interview I've ever seen with her, she seems like a really cool lady. Charismatic, witty, she busts balls. I like her.

• 30:12Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, like 10 years later, 11 years later, she's probably the Elizabeth Hurley part in Austin Powers.

• 30:18Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 30:19Bill Simmons?

  And probably has this whole.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  Another one.

• 30:22Bill Simmons?

  Late 90s run, but anyway. Um, this was based on the 1951 pre-comics Code comic made of the future by Al Feldstein. You probably don't have that one.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  I do not.

• 30:33Bill Simmons?

  7.5 million dollar budget. It made 38.9 million dollars.

• 30:37Speaker 02

  Let's go.

• 30:39Bill Simmons?

  Partly because everybody who was in high school went to it, including me. Roger Ebert, three stars.

• 30:45Speaker 02

  Fuck yeah.

• 30:47Bill Simmons?

  Coming off a really tough Raj last week.

• 30:50Speaker 02

  Oh, for Snake Eyes?

• 30:51Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, they gave it the one star for Snake Eyes. It was tough.

• 30:55Speaker 02

  That's a spite reading.

• 30:56Bill Simmons?

  We worked it out with Raj. He said, weird science combines two great traditions in popular entertainment. Inflamed male teenage fantasies and Frankenstein's monster. Then it crosses them with a new myth, that of the teenage computer geniuses who lock themselves in their bedrooms, hunt over their computer keyboards and write programs that can change the universe. Raj.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:18Bill Simmons?

  Saw the future coming.

• 31:19Speaker 02

  I never met Roger Ebert, but I've ventured to guess that there's a point in his life he wished he could have made a woman, and I get it, you know? I think he might have wanted that.

• 31:25Bill Simmons?

  No question. And he said, Kelly LeBark is wonderful as the fantasy woman. The film was funnier, a little deeper than the predictable story it might have been. So, there you go. Okay. It's time to get into our favorite segment, the most rewatchable scene, which today is brought to you by PayPal. From now through December 8th, you can get 20% cash back when you pay in four with PayPal. No fees, no interest. Save the offer in the app now. Okay. I love the opening credits.

• 31:59Speaker 02

  So do I.

• 32:00Bill Simmons?

  I love being in the gym. I love the geekdom. You know, the pants pull is coming.

• 32:06Bill Simmons?

  We get the proper, lot of horniness in gyms in the 80s. I don't know if that's carried over now. It's like a place you get a staph infection.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  Yeah. Also, like, that gym thing brings back gym uniforms, where in the middle of your school day, we would just all go and change out of our clothes together, and then the girls would do it, and then sometimes you'd have to shower together. It's a really, really strange thing to look back on that I had not thought about in a long time, just straight up stripping down after fourth period in the middle of school every day.

• 32:33Bill Simmons?

  Then stripping back up, yeah.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:36Bill Simmons?

  Well, that goes, we get the cheer, then we go right into the theme song.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  I know. Let's go.

• 32:41Bill Simmons?

  I have multiple categories to talk about the theme song later. All right, so that's one. Second one, they create the girl on the computer. Anything bigger than a handful. I thought, just, great job, guys. Uh, I wanted to live, you wanted to breathe, you wanted to aerobisize. There's a couple of nice touches in here that are very mid eighties. There's a trunk with a lock that has a bunch of Playboys and penthouses in it.

• 33:05Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:06Bill Simmons?

  Just, let me tell you something. They, I had a few friends, I was not one of those friends, but I had a few friends with the trunk. Um, they wear bra on their, bras on their heads. And then, uh, in a really good special effects scene, they create Kelly LeBrock, which I'm gonna have to give the OK, motherfucker award for the exact moment when this movie goes up a notch. It's fucking crazy, like, really good special effects. How are we able to do this in 1985?

• 33:34Speaker 02

  Fantastic. And, and so many things that we, this movie moves so fucking fast.

• 33:40Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 33:40Speaker 02

  They are already creating Lisa at the eight minute mark of the movie. And I'll have you know, as I watched it, as, I watched this movie in a lot of sleepovers, maybe fifth grade, sixth grade. We would rewind the part on the computer where the boobs get really big. Not even a human being, just a computer rendition. And I, I think it's important that we've revisited this topic a few times over the years. I can't explain to young people right now, if you were a young person in the eighties, how difficult it was to get even a basic image of a naked woman. It was so hard.

• 34:12Bill Simmons?

  This is the scrambled porn apex mountain.

• 34:14Speaker 02

  You couldn't do it unless your friend's dad had a Playboy. Like, you could not get it no matter what. And so it was so crazy that those things were on the computer like that. And we just, we, we, it blew us away.

• 34:26Bill Simmons?

  You're scouring closets, looking for any cassette or anything.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  Anything.

• 34:31Bill Simmons?

  In guest bedroom that maybe your uncle left, but you just didn't know.

• 34:35Speaker 02

  The liner notes of Appetite for Destruction have like an illustration of a kind of naked woman. It's really gross and weird, but I would look at it, be like, that's something. I'm the guy who would go to the magazine store and like, be like, can I get a Playboy? It's for my dad. And they'll get, it's just nuts. I just wanted to see it and you couldn't.

• 34:50Bill Simmons?

  The candy bar scene.

• 34:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, how about that?

• 34:53Bill Simmons?

  Which might pop up in a couple of other categories.

• 34:55Speaker 02

  Really?

• 34:59Bill Simmons?

  I don't know, man. The eighties were just different. I like how fucking weird it is. Our guy, Carl the janitor from Breakfast Club's in it.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  Kapelos.

• 35:08Bill Simmons?

  Playing Dino.

• 35:10Speaker 02

  She likes the Malacca's, Dino.

• 35:13Bill Simmons?

  Hall is just going for it. He's basically doing a Richard Pryor impersonation, which they said in the research that Hughes and Anthony Michael Hall just both loved Richard Pryor and they wanted a scene where it's basically like, let's just do Richard Pryor for four minutes. It's bonkers. I don't know. I still enjoy watching it.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  They, uh, they soft tested the Richard Pryor too, because in The Breakfast Club, when the kids all get high.

• 35:37Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  All of a sudden, Brian starts doing like chicks can't hold their smoke. That's what it is. And like Judd Nelson's laughing at him. So someone, probably many people, including like studio execs were like, yes, yes. Anthony Michael Hall doing that voice and getting high and drunk. Put more of that in the next movie. It's awesome. Whereas now they'd be like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, we gotta cut that. It's unbelievable.

• 35:59Bill Simmons?

  One of the things I like about the scenes though is, is how much the actors seem to be enjoying it or sitting around the table. Like they're actually getting like a genuine kick out of how fucking crazy he is.

• 36:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's.

• 36:11Bill Simmons?

  The candy bar with an I, candy with an I. That was the name of the bar. Uh, Chet tries to make Gary throw up. Drunk Gary.

• 36:20Bill Simmons?

  How about greasy pork sandwich? Like all the stuff. This was like classic Big Brother shit.

• 36:28Speaker 02

  This is, this is an unbelievable, great Bill Paxton. And I also think that Anthony Michael Hall is hilarious in this scene. If you don't like him at the club, whatever, it's not aged well. Just playing a drunk guy when he's like, no shit, Chet, no shit, Chet, is fucking perfect. And it's, it's arguably my favorite scene in the movie on the top of the stairs.

• 36:49Bill Simmons?

  Chet, uh, maybe five years later, he applies for Real World, Real World, New York, I think, but doesn't make it past the, maybe the second cut. But they are thinking like, oh, this could be our instigator, house member. We got this guy Chad from Illinois. Um, he sent us this crazy tape. He claims that his little brother created a girl on the internet. Um, should we bring him in for an interview? I think they're thinking about it at least.

• 37:16Speaker 02

  What an all time pull. Chet would be a Real World cast member and I like absolutely problematic.

• 37:22Bill Simmons?

  Right? He's Puck in Real World San Francisco.

• 37:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's like redneck Puck with a shotgun. He has all, he's like sexually charged. He's a bully. He'd be great in the confessionals. He's also like sneaky horny. It's, and believe me, I say this as a guy who did it like they, that's all the things they're looking for. That's perfect.

• 37:40Bill Simmons?

  Uh, spilled drink at the mall. Downey and his villain friend spilling the red, what was that drink?

• 37:46Speaker 02

  The Icy.

• 37:46Bill Simmons?

  Red Icy.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, with the polar bear.

• 37:48Bill Simmons?

  On, uh, on those guys right into Lisa fucking with the villains. I just, listen, if we're in an eighties mall, I'm, I'm, I'm there and I'm ready to, for whatever's gonna happen. Like, oh, it's so clean and the stores just looked so inviting. And there was always just people happily walking around with food. It really was great.

• 38:07Speaker 02

  It's so great. And yet I, I'm just gonna be honest with you, dude. Now I'm just thinking of Chet being on The Challenge. Like, would he be on Team Real World?

• 38:16Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I ruined you now. I'm sorry.

• 38:17Speaker 02

  And would he backpack Johnny bananas? Would he have fought CT eventually? Like, we are a full, he's gonna hook up with, uh, Nisa and Tanya in the hot tub on the darkroom cam. Holy shit.

• 38:30Bill Simmons?

  Chet feuded, Chet feuded with Theo Von, but now they've made up and he's on his podcast cause he just got out of drug rehab again.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  And him and Mark Long now, they kinda just run the industry and they're looked at as the godfathers of the post-real worlders and you see them around and they're good dudes and Chet, um, and Chet has long hair now. Awesome, awesome, awesome.

• 38:48Bill Simmons?

  You know, we didn't, I guess we've never talked about this. The fork of the road of your career, where you decided to go into sports media, but you really could have done The Challenge for like 20 years.

• 38:58Speaker 02

  I got asked many, many, many times.

• 39:00Bill Simmons?

  You played football in college. Like, you would have been one of the guys. There would have been specific things that would have been amazing for you.

• 39:07Speaker 02

  I always said no, and then every once in a while, when I would get a little itch, like, you know, I may be like, I'm 28 now. I'm like, what the hell am I doing? I'll go on down to Mexico and try to win a wave runner or a Saturn. Every time I'd get the itch, I would see one of the promos for like this season on The Challenge. And holy shit, it's like.

• 39:24Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  Guys on, with bandanas punching each other and like triple kisses in the, in the night vision. I'm like, I think I'm past that in my life, man. I think I'm out and I would just pass.

• 39:32Bill Simmons?

  I think it was a great move.

• 39:33Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 39:34Bill Simmons?

  Uh, next rewatchable scene, Lisa meets Gary's parents.

• 39:39Speaker 02

  Here we go.

• 39:43Bill Simmons?

  There's so many great parts of this scene.

• 39:45Speaker 02

  Do you go to Gary's school? Do I look like I'm in high school? The best.

• 39:51Bill Simmons?

  There's gonna be sex, drugs, rock and roll, chip dips, chains, whips. She outs him, outs Gary for jerking off in the bathroom. Gary, you told me we're combing your hair. And then Gary's dad just basically having his memory erased. It's, it's just a tour de force.

• 40:07Speaker 02

  One of the, the strangest thing is I never before or heard, referred to it as tossing off. Is that a British term? Cause she's English. Is that something people say?

• 40:17Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, it's a tossing off.

• 40:18Speaker 02

  I'm glad we're talking this though, because we've talked about weird signs briefly in a couple of previous pods. When I said Daniel Rudy Rudiger has masturbated more than any character in movie history ever. We started putting a crew together and we got Joel Goodson. You immediately are like, oh, don't forget about Wyatt and Gary. They're definitely first ballot. They're in for sure. Vision Quest is in for sure. And we're taking all, oh, I put Carl River Phoenix from sneakers. He's in the Hall of Fame as well, the horny Hall of Fame. First ballot.

• 40:50Bill Simmons?

  See now, now, now you've thrown me off. Now I gotta think of my people. I feel like one of the guys in the Lost Boys.

• 40:57Speaker 02

  Mm hmm. Oh, yeah. Those two twins, the two Cory's.

• 41:01Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Just thinking about the sex guy.

• 41:04Speaker 02

  Yes, for sure. And I'm talking, this is non, non incarcerated version. So like multiple Miggs doesn't count. Andy Dufresne in the hole doesn't count. You can't be incarcerated, be in the hall. That's like using PEDs.

• 41:14Bill Simmons?

  But the Hall of Fame is named after Miggs. I mean, I think that's only fair.

• 41:18Speaker 02

  The multiple Miggs.

• 41:19Bill Simmons?

  The multiple Miggs.

• 41:20Speaker 02

  That's why they call them multiple.

• 41:21Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Second creation attempt at the party. It's like, come on, guys, these eighties ones, these eighties teen movies always had to have the moment where popularity made our, our leads lose their minds.

• 41:35Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 41:36Bill Simmons?

  And it's like Downey and his buddy is, oh, we can be friends. And they just kind of lose it. And all of a sudden they're trying to create a second Killer, the Brock, and they fuck it up. Chet confronts everyone in the blue kitchen. When he comes back, the grandparents in the closet are, it's still funny. Forty years later, there's a lot of good stuff in this. And then the, the ending where they say goodbye to the girls. General Public's tenderness kicks in.

• 42:00Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 42:00Bill Simmons?

  And Chet turns into a toad. Really satisfying ending, then just completely ripped off by Superbad.

• 42:08Speaker 02

  Super bad, heavily inspired by it. We keep mentioning, see, notice how when you're doing the most watchable scenes, most of them involve Chet. Chet is in this movie for like three scenes. He takes an hour away from the movie, right in the middle of it, and it's not even a very long movie, but I think the best weird science is when he's on screen. And I love LeBrock in this, and I love Anthony Michael Hall. This, to me, every time Chet's on, I'm not turning away.

• 42:32Bill Simmons?

  What do you have for most rewatchable? Chet on the stairs, trying to make drunk Gary throw up?

• 42:36Speaker 02

  I think the height of the party, when everything's going wrong and the magic is taking over is really fun, because the soundtrack's going. But I think like, you're absolutely right, Chet, you're absolutely right. It's just when he, "The booze hounds return." It's every line is quotable, and that's my favorite part, top of the stairs.

• 42:52Bill Simmons?

  It's the most rewatchable scene. My personal one is still Gary's dad, fucking, for a lot of personal reasons.

• 42:59Speaker 02

  That's great.

• 42:59Bill Simmons?

  Today's edition of the most rewatchable scene brought to you by PayPal. From now through December 8th, you can get 20% cash back when you're paying for it with PayPal. No fees, no interest. Save the offer in the app now. So whether it's the must-have tour or tiered cheese board, PayPal helps you make the most of your money this holiday. Expires December 8th. See paypal.com/promotermsubject to approval. Learn more at paypal.com/payingfor. PayPal, Inc., NMLS 910457. We'll take a break, come back with the rest. This episode is brought to you by Truvia. Sweeteners are like movies. The best ones don't leave an aftertaste. That's why Truvia Allolos Plus Stevia Sweetener and Monk Fruit Sweetener is a smooth, balanced tri-blend that delivers sugar-like sweetness with zero

• 43:43Bill Simmons?

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• 44:26Bill Simmons?

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• 44:54Bill Simmons?

  All right, this will be a fun category, Kyle Brandt.

• 44:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:56Bill Simmons?

  What's the most 1985 thing about this movie? And there are a million choices. Uh, I'll let you go first. I have like six.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  You know, I, I just, I'll go with the headliner. We already talked about it. The, the computer hacking sequence when they're navigating through this labyrinth of electronic stuff. And like E equals M C squared is floating around and there's atoms. And then we immediately go to Dave TV from David Lee Roth. Like that is everything that was going on then. I don't know how to beat it.

• 45:22Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I would add tweak to that. Everything you said, plus believing you could create a hot girl out of your computer in 1985.

• 45:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:30Bill Simmons?

  Is the most 1985 thing about this movie. A couple of other ones. The title song being written and performed by Oingo Boingo.

• 45:39Bill Simmons?

  That literally had to happen in 1985.

• 45:41Speaker 02

  From my heart and from my hand, why don't people understand? I have to tell you too about that song. So Elfman, like not a fan. He's kind of disavowed it, which is really annoying. He's this prolific screen, a score writer for movies for years and years. But like, he will give interviews where he's like, yeah, that video was ridiculous. And the best thing that happened to that song with Elfman was that it landed on an episode of Beavis and Butthead. And Butthead's like, why didn't they let this guy back in Duran Duran? And Beavis goes, cause he sucks. And it's just, it's so awesome. Cause I like that song.

• 46:12Bill Simmons?

  I remember that. I like it too.

• 46:16Bill Simmons?

  Wyatt's posters, you got a couple of looks at them. There's some Depeche Mode. There's Aha, there's Human League. It's just like, we're right into the vortex of alternative music in the 84. I don't know why the Smiths weren't on there. Guess maybe he wasn't a Smiths guy. Maybe Morrissey wasn't resonating. Trunk full of Playboys, we mentioned. David Lee Roth, you mentioned. This is like, there's an 18 month window where it made sense to have David Lee Roth in your movie and then by 86, it's over. It'd be like, why is he in this? But in 85, it made sense. And then the movie closes with general public tenderness, which, you know, by 85, that's probably the last year you could have done that, but it's

• 46:58Bill Simmons?

  really nice. Okay, we rarely get to hand out this award, and especially with you here.

• 47:03Speaker 02

  What do you got?

• 47:04Bill Simmons?

  The Steven Seagal shitting on himself award for most unbelievable anecdote from the actual film shoot. So, I just got this right from the internet.

• 47:13Speaker 02

  What do you got?

• 47:13Bill Simmons?

  In an interview with Howard Stern, Robert Downey Jr. cleared up the rumors that he defecated in Kelly LeBrock's trailer.

• 47:21Speaker 02

  This is perfect. It's right on the nose.

• 47:24Bill Simmons?

  Best one we've ever had. He said that him and his villain buddy, who was played by Robert Russler, they would joke about defecating in people's trailers throughout the shoot. He admitted they eventually did it in one female cast member's trailer, but it was not Kelly LeBrock. John Hughes questioned everyone in the cast who did it, and when he got to Downey, he replied, quote, "No, but I sure wish it was me who did it," but he admitted he did it, but they didn't say who the cast member was. This is an actual story that's on the internet.

• 47:54Speaker 02

  Not like ding dong ditching.

• 47:56Bill Simmons?

  The best Seagal we've handed out.

• 47:57Speaker 02

  That's by far. I mean, if Downey's not careful, it would be a Robert Downey shitting Kelly LeBrock's trailer award for most unbelievable. That's nuts. So he's like, oh yeah, we definitely took a dump in someone's trailer, it just wasn't Lisa's. Shit, man.

• 48:12Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, it was one of the other female cast members. But he had, he had the, just over and over, you're just like, yeah, I was pretty fucked up back then. Seen a lot of bad things.

• 48:21Speaker 02

  Imagine that cast member getting back to a trailer after a hard day's shooting.

• 48:25Bill Simmons?

  Tough one. Didn't specify, was it in the toilet? Was it on the floor? Like, what was it?

• 48:30Speaker 02

  I would think you'd do it on the floor, otherwise, what's the point? If you're trying to prank him, you just do it on the floor. You shit on my trailer, man. You shit on my trailer.

• 48:41Bill Simmons?

  What's Age the Best? You mentioned this movie was filmed at the same high school as The Breakfast Club and was actually called Shermer High School.

• 48:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:49Bill Simmons?

  Which goes back to your John Hughes universe. What else do you have for What's Age the Best?

• 48:53Speaker 02

  I mean, just Downey in general. Like, it's if you're an Iron Man guy, you gotta watch this movie. It's so surreal to see him. He's so young. He did this at the time. It's like, it's so interesting. At the time, he is, he's dating Sarah Jessica Parker, who had just done Footloose and who's doing Girls Just Want to Have Fun. Then he did SNL. He's doing Back to School. And like, five years later, he's getting an Oscar nomination for playing Charlie Chaplin, this dickhead in this movie. And Le Brock has said, like, she's like, I got asked all the time, like, what was it like having Robert Downey Jr. on set? And she's like, whatever, he was just some guy. I didn't even think about him at all. But it's so fun to watch him in this.

• 49:31Bill Simmons?

  I had that in What's Age the Best, too. Just like, this specific mid 80s Robert Downey, because the Back to School and this character are very similar.

• 49:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:39Bill Simmons?

  Right? Even like, from a hairstyle standpoint. SNL, he kinda had the same vibe. And it was like, who, what is this guy? What's going on here?

• 49:47Speaker 02

  Do you think he pops in this movie? Would you watch this and like, ooh, that guy's got something? I'm not sure. It's hard to watch it neutrally.

• 49:54Bill Simmons?

  I don't think so. Back to School, I think's probably a little bit better. I don't think he really popped until, uh, until Less Than Zero.

• 50:00Speaker 02

  You can tell in certain flashes, like, when they, when they do the Icy and their girlfriends break up with him, and the girlfriends are talking in the background, he's going like, he's like, dancing like that. And then he goes right back to, and like, you can tell he's got talent and timing. But this is just, he's just a dickhead in an 80s high school movie. There's nothing to see from it.

• 50:18Bill Simmons?

  I thought the special effects aged pretty well from a 1985 standpoint.

• 50:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:24Bill Simmons?

  Like, the, like, the stuff going up the chimney and...

• 50:27Speaker 02

  That's nuts.

• 50:27Bill Simmons?

  The party scene, the living room, the stuff moving around. It's like, pretty good. It's like Poltergeist.

• 50:31Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 50:34Bill Simmons?

  My parents are away for the week as a 1980s teen movie trope has aged the best.

• 50:39Speaker 02

  I got it. It's so fun. The parents are coming home. Holy shit, I'm gonna get in trouble. We gotta clean up and we gotta get all the stuff. It's like Adventures in Babysitting, Risky Business, the whole movie is about that. And this movie, when they're magically cleaning up everything and the parents walk in at the last second, that little end table is just sliding into place. It has you on the edge of your seat. It's always good. My parents are gonna find out we had a party and I gotta clean up. I love it.

• 51:03Bill Simmons?

  Well, what's funny is this also goes on What's Age the Worst because now you would have Ring cameras and security stuff. And if I went away with my wife for a couple of days, I would just be constantly looking at our outdoor, making sure nobody's coming in and texting my, my son and checking him out on Life 360. Like, you're not throwing a party at my house and I'm not here. Sorry.

• 51:26Speaker 02

  Dude, you're all over it. We just had Halloween. We had five or six kids who I know ding dong ditch us. I'd see them a few days later. I'd be like, hey Devon, look at you. I got you on my camera, little shit. Look at you. And he'd be like, oh no.

• 51:38Bill Simmons?

  Oh, sorry Kyle.

• 51:39Speaker 02

  You can't do any of it. Sorry, Mr. Brandt.

• 51:43Bill Simmons?

  What's Age the Best? Why it's grandparents just being frozen in the closet is so fucking funny. I don't, I don't know who thought of that, but congratulations to that person.

• 51:52Speaker 02

  Do you think they're having a good time now? Catatonic in a closet? Every time I laugh.

• 51:59Bill Simmons?

  Couple more. They made a TV series in the mid 90s with Vanessa Angel as Lisa during her Apex Mountain when she was in Dumb and Dumber and then the Weird Science TV show. I never watched it. I don't, I don't know if you were focused on it or not.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  I never see an episode. I don't know anyone who's ever seen an episode, but Bill, apparently it was a very successful show. It went on for years.

• 52:19Bill Simmons?

  88 episodes. I couldn't tell you what channel it was on.

• 52:23Speaker 02

  I think it was on, it was on USA, I think. But I'm not totally sure because I never watched it.

• 52:30Bill Simmons?

  LeBrock's speech, I guess Lisa's speech at the end when she's mad, they try to create a second woman and she's like, you had to be big shots, didn't you? You had to show off. When are you gonna learn that people like you for who you are, not for what you can give them?

• 52:46Bill Simmons?

  Pretty good life lesson.

• 52:49Bill Simmons?

  Don't be a big shot. Be who you are.

• 52:52Speaker 02

  I, I think at that point, Gary and Wyatt are like, all right, enough of this fucking shit. I love this lady. I think we get it. Get her out of here.

• 53:00Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Two more. The piano lady was played by Kim Malin, Kim with a Y.

• 53:06Speaker 02

  Talk about it.

• 53:08Bill Simmons?

  May 1982 Playboy Playmate.

• 53:12Bill Simmons?

  Her three best IMDB credits, Weird Science, Girl Playing Piano.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  Great.

• 53:17Bill Simmons?

  Die Hard, Hostage. Roadhouse, Party Girl.

• 53:24Speaker 02

  Unbelievable. And Die Hard Hostage.

• 53:26Bill Simmons?

  It's a borderline new, it's a borderline new category that Kim Malin, your best three IMDB category, just with no context.

• 53:35Speaker 02

  I want you.

• 53:35Bill Simmons?

  Weird Science, Die Hard, Roadhouse. Like, wow.

• 53:38Speaker 02

  I want you to reference it in future pods, be like, the classic Kim Malin run of the eighties. Let's talk about the run.

• 53:44Bill Simmons?

  Triple crown.

• 53:44Speaker 02

  She does, this is like Hank's in the nineties. It's a triple crown. And by the way, she's not only the hostage in Die Hard. She's the hostage that Hans Gruber's goon find having sex back in the office and she is topless.

• 53:56Bill Simmons?

  Oh, you're right.

• 53:57Speaker 02

  She is in the rewind the scene Hall of Fame. You're like, oh my God, Die Hard has boobs? Let me rewind it again. That's her. And she filed that up with Roadhouse. Can you, I mean, Jesus, can you imagine? Cause when you're like a young actor in Hollywood, like it's just a series of calls home to your parents, hopefully. And like, how's it going? How's it going? And she's like, yeah, I got a role in this John Hughes movie. Yeah. Oh, like Molly Ringwald? Kind of. I played piano and then the wind blows my clothes off. Great, honey. Great job.

• 54:26Bill Simmons?

  So John Casale is the best five movie IMDB run?

• 54:30Speaker 02

  What's that?

• 54:32Bill Simmons?

  Godfather, Godfather Two, Dog Afternoon, The Conversation, Deer Hunter. There's only five IMDB credits. So that's the Casale is the five, maybe Kim Malin's, that just a random three, your triple crown for your three random. I think it also has to be where you're, none of your characters can have a name. Girl Playing Piano, Hostage and Party Girl. There's no like, her name was Donna.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  No, they can't even call her Sue. And everyone else would be like, wow, in 94, Jim Carrey did Dumb and Dumber, The Mask and Ace Ventura. Yeah, well, have you seen Kim Malin's run when she played hostage piano girl and bar actor?

• 55:10Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, Jim Carrey disqualified. His characters had names.

• 55:15Bill Simmons?

  And then, uh, the last one I have for you is the Anthony Michael Hall stun double take. I just want to commemorate as the wood sage, the best, nobody else has done it. The.

• 55:25Speaker 02

  He's good at that.

• 55:26Bill Simmons?

  And he really, he, he sells it and he holds it for, for like three, four or five seconds. He'll just make a run at it. Okay. Big Kuna Burger were best use of food and drink. It's probably the icy, right?

• 55:38Speaker 02

  Definitely the icy. And I like that after he pours it on him, he drops the cup on his ass, too.

• 55:43Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. The compass just, yeah, that's this touchdown spike. Great shot, Gordon Award for most cinematic shot. Would you go with the shower combo when they're talking about? The girls are getting ready and they, and Hughes does the close ups of the two of them back and forth. I like how he does that.

• 55:58Speaker 02

  He's showing off there, but to my, to, to, to the life of me, I can't understand how they got Kim Malin to launch out of the chimney and come all the way down into the pond that she lands in or something. And then she's sideways while her clothes are being blown off. That, that was like some tenant shit. Like I, I don't, I don't know what they were doing. It's really.

• 56:16Bill Simmons?

  Christopher Nolan.

• 56:17Speaker 02

  Yeah. Was that like 14 year old Chris Nolan shooting that? I don't know what I was watching. That's that for me.

• 56:23Bill Simmons?

  Kid Cudi Pursuit of Happyness were best needle drop. Tenderness, general public. The first few beats of it are great. It's a perfect movie song.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  You're gonna go with that over the oingo boingo?

• 56:34Bill Simmons?

  Well, I have another category for oingo boingo. Yeah.

• 56:39Bill Simmons?

  Chess Rockwell Brock Leonard's were best character named Chet.

• 56:41Speaker 02

  Has to be.

• 56:42Bill Simmons?

  Just a big brother named Chet, who's a fucking asshole. Perfect.

• 56:45Speaker 02

  There's not a lot of Chets. There's a Chet Hanks. There's Chet.

• 56:48Bill Simmons?

  So Chet Holmgren brought it back.

• 56:50Speaker 02

  Chet Holmgren. But is there like a nice conscientious, down to earth character ever named Chet? Like you know what you're getting with the chat. It's perfect.

• 56:59Bill Simmons?

  I gotta be honest, the, the Chad, Chet, Chaz universe is pretty grim.

• 57:06Speaker 02

  I think cousin Trent wants in on that too.

• 57:10Bill Simmons?

  If it's a Chad, Chaz, Chad, Chaz, Chet. I'm just gonna probably assume I'm not gonna like you. You almost have to prove to me that I'm gonna like you.

• 57:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I, listen, if you got words about this Chet Reddit, Chet it, you can come and tell us whatever you want, Chet it.

• 57:29Bill Simmons?

  Like when Chet Hanks, Chet Hanks was having all his issues, it was perfect. Like, of course his name's Chet. But Chet Holmgren brought it back. So now Chet's are kind of the, maybe the sexiest they've been in a while. From a, from like an it's okay standpoint.

• 57:43Speaker 02

  Father's name's Tom. He's like America's dad. Brother's name's Colin. He seems like a normal guy. Chet, little different.

• 57:51Bill Simmons?

  Craig, can you come in the zoom for a second?

• 57:54Speaker 02

  Chet Horlbeck?

• 57:56Bill Simmons?

  Chet, Chet Chaz Chad. What are your immediate reactions?

• 58:02Speaker 03

  The, the worst guy in the frat.

• 58:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:06Speaker 03

  It's brutal. I don't know how you power rate them. If you had to name your child, one of those three, which one would you pick?

• 58:10Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, like Craig might have kids soon. Like, those three names are off the table, I'm guessing.

• 58:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think so. I, I think, I think you can get away with Chad the best. Chet and Chaz are really hard.

• 58:23Bill Simmons?

  Even Chad Powers, they named him Chad Powers partly because.

• 58:26Speaker 02

  Cause it's a douche.

• 58:27Bill Simmons?

  It's a Chad.

• 58:29Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, those three are all really tough. Just go with Charlie. Chuck maybe even works a little better, although Chuck's kind of like, you know, your one relative or you're not sure if he's gonna come to Thanksgiving or not because he's had some issues.

• 58:40Speaker 02

  There's a, there's a really old Andy Samberg standup bit where if you go to the country of Chad, it's just like a white asshole sitting there being like, what's up, man? You want a Snapple? I'm gonna put the Playstation going. Named Chad.

• 58:55Speaker 03

  Isn't there a whole Pete Davidson thing as well? Isn't his character named Chad?

• 58:59Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 59:00Speaker 03

  That whole bit with Pete Davidson.

• 59:01Bill Simmons?

  Oh, SNL, yeah, yeah.

• 59:02Speaker 03

  He's like that brain dead guy. I think his name's also Chad.

• 59:04Speaker 02

  Chad is tough. I feel bad for the good Chads out there. I'm sure there exists. Chad Johnson, Ochocinco, there's plenty.

• 59:11Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, Chad Johnson works. I guess that maybe it works if you're like a receiver or safety. You can maybe get away with it.

• 59:18Speaker 02

  Chad.

• 59:19Bill Simmons?

  Well, the Butch's Girlfriend Award for weak link of the film. This could go a lot of ways. What do you have?

• 59:26Speaker 02

  Yes, we're gonna get real. This is gonna be the, here we go, motherfucker, port of the podcast. I just gotta shoot straight here. All right, so you got these super horny kids and they make a super hot woman. And there's no fucking action here. What are we doing? Wait, wait, wait, we made a hot big sister? We are the, Gary would have been all over that in 30 seconds. Instead, it's like some sort of like Obi-Wan Kenobi adjacent sex robot who's gonna teach me to be a better person and believe in myself? That's a wonderful message, but wildly unrealistic for a 15 year old boy in 1985. I, I know that there's higher things that calling here, but Jesus Christ, it's, what are we doing? They don't get anything from Lisa. That's the whole reason they built her.

• 1:00:11Speaker 02

  Meanwhile, she's kissing on Wyatt and she's shopping for sexy underpants to turn them on. So, so what is she exactly? It pisses me off.

• 1:00:20Bill Simmons?

  I had the exact same weak link.

• 1:00:21Speaker 02

  Get into it.

• 1:00:22Bill Simmons?

  These kids weren't nearly horny enough. What are they doing?

• 1:00:27Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:00:28Bill Simmons?

  I just think the real life version of this movie, they create this person. And then it's just like, okay, are we gonna switch? She's here to have sex with us.

• 1:00:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:38Bill Simmons?

  I've never had sex before, like let's.

• 1:00:40Speaker 02

  Rock, paper, scissors, who's first? Let's go.

• 1:00:42Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's like you, all right, you get a half hour, I get a half hour. Like, you're not leaving the house. Parents aren't coming home. It's, you have this like basically sex robot you've created. You're gonna have sex with the robot.

• 1:00:55Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:00:56Bill Simmons?

  You're not gonna be like, yeah, let's go out and get some dinner. You've been to Friendly's, they have Fribbles.

• 1:01:02Bill Simmons?

  Patty melts are really good there.

• 1:01:03Speaker 02

  For a while first. No, no, no, they're leaving the house. They're not, they're not leaving the room. And I respect that Lisa is an enlightened, intelligent character.

• 1:01:10Bill Simmons?

  That's why this is a movie.

• 1:01:12Speaker 02

  Of course. You can't have a movie where they just do that. But at the same time, hold on. While we're giving Lisa so much credit for being so enlightened, what is she doing just making out with Wyatt out on his patio? Like Wyatt's head would be exploding if that's happening. Like that's, I don't understand what her dynamic is with these boys. She's trying really hard to turn them on with like underwear and stuff and being in the shower. But she's like, I'm more like an older sister to teach them to believe in themselves. Bullshit, which is it?

• 1:01:41Bill Simmons?

  I don't think John Hughes was thinking about a lot of this stuff in 1985.

• 1:01:44Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:01:45Bill Simmons?

  He was just like sex robot.

• 1:01:46Speaker 02

  It's very strange.

• 1:01:47Bill Simmons?

  Well, that leads us to what's age the worst.

• 1:01:51Speaker 02

  Take your.

• 1:01:51Bill Simmons?

  LeBrock and Elon Mitchell Smith making out in that scene you mentioned.

• 1:01:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:57Bill Simmons?

  He was 15 and a half.

• 1:01:59Speaker 02

  Okay, go on.

• 1:02:03Bill Simmons?

  15 and a half.

• 1:02:04Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 1:02:06Bill Simmons?

  It was kind of shocking when it happened.

• 1:02:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:08Bill Simmons?

  Cause it was right, you know, that the standards were obviously different back then, but uh, but wow. I looked it up. I was like, oh, is this kid like 20? It's like, no, he was born in 1969.

• 1:02:19Speaker 02

  That's.

• 1:02:19Bill Simmons?

  And she's like, they're like making out.

• 1:02:22Speaker 02

  They make it out for a prolonged time and the dynamic that if you watch it, if you really want to look for it now is like, he's very uncomfortable and like, he doesn't know what to do and he.

• 1:02:31Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:31Speaker 02

  Maybe part of him wants to stop. Um, but one of the fun things about this movie, just aside, this is not fun, but what's fun is like, they don't have 25 year olds playing high school kids. These are real high school age kids. Like they went authentic, which is cool, but it's very strange there. It's, I don't know.

• 1:02:48Bill Simmons?

  Also strange Wyatt wearing her underwear for multiple minutes.

• 1:02:53Speaker 02

  I like your panties.

• 1:02:55Bill Simmons?

  Why didn't somebody in the set stop that? There's some, uh, some gay slurs in this movie we have to mention that there's some.

• 1:03:02Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:03:02Bill Simmons?

  We mentioned the Richard Pryor homage scene, which I don't think, uh, I don't think they would run that one back. Is my guess.

• 1:03:11Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:03:11Bill Simmons?

  But in the eighties, whatever. I also had naming your dream girl Lisa.

• 1:03:18Bill Simmons?

  Still think people are doing that now. I think it's a, I think it's a better name.

• 1:03:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's, it's like, um, I don't know what are the.

• 1:03:25Speaker 03

  That was my flex fail, damn it.

• 1:03:27Bill Simmons?

  Oh shit.

• 1:03:28Speaker 02

  Get in, Craig. Go talk about.

• 1:03:29Bill Simmons?

  Give me a heads up.

• 1:03:30Speaker 03

  No, it's, I had, I had a lot of them. I, instead of best character name, I had worst character name and it's, it's just naming your dream girl Lisa with just no thought.

• 1:03:39Bill Simmons?

  All right, we'll stay on for what's age the worst and then we'll, we can do your flex. So we don't step on it. What else did you have, Kyle?

• 1:03:44Speaker 02

  All right. Well, I, I have more to say on the kiss. I, you know what I was, you know what I was thinking of? I, I mean, I was gonna do an apex mountain for a hunting comfortable kisses. It's not, it's not quite De Niro and Juliette Lewis in Cape Fear, which I feel like a crime is being committed as I'm watching it.

• 1:03:59Bill Simmons?

  It's so horrible.

• 1:04:01Speaker 02

  And Marty's just seen him like, yeah, let's keep, let's go.

• 1:04:04Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, sucker fingers.

• 1:04:05Speaker 02

  There's an infamous one in a movie called Blank Check where Duff, the VJ from, from MTV like is kissing this little boy passionately. That's fucked up. Um, I guess, what can we say? It just, I guess it was looked at differently because a lot of people saw this and said it was fine back then, but now we're like, this is weird.

• 1:04:22Bill Simmons?

  Well, 15 year old Bill was like, this is the best thing I've ever seen in my life.

• 1:04:25Speaker 02

  And Bill paid.

• 1:04:26Bill Simmons?

  Maybe this will happen to me.

• 1:04:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:04:30Bill Simmons?

  All right, Craig, what do you have for your flex? Let's just get it over with.

• 1:04:33Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, outside of, yeah, naming your, your dream girl Lisa.

• 1:04:37Bill Simmons?

  What would you have named your dream girl, by the way?

• 1:04:38Speaker 02

  What would it be?

• 1:04:39Speaker 03

  I don't know. I mean, I guess you, I guess it was Lisa, a cool name in 1985.

• 1:04:43Speaker 02

  Definitely.

• 1:04:44Speaker 03

  Cause there's no, no one's naming the-

• 1:04:46Bill Simmons?

  Liz. I'd left that, I gave that, set that up. It was like a fucking alley-

• 1:04:50Speaker 02

  You threw him out of the U.

• 1:04:50Bill Simmons?

  Next to the rim for you. Jesus Christ.

• 1:04:53Speaker 03

  But I see her as something more than just some robot. How dare you?

• 1:04:57Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, good, good audible.

• 1:05:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know. It's like, who's naming their daughter Lisa in 2025?

• 1:05:02Speaker 02

  Is it like Hazel or something?

• 1:05:04Bill Simmons?

  The Simpsons ruined Lisa. Like that's it. Lisa Simpson, you're not naming your dream girl Lisa after Lisa Simpson. I just think that's, it's out.

• 1:05:11Speaker 03

  I feel a little bit bad now, now that you said he's 15 and a half, but I'm going to give the, I've only used this category once and I gave it to Ethan Embry. But it's the Matt Flynn 26 million dollar contract award for the actor. I can't believe we thought was a lead. And that's Elon Mitchell Smith, who I think drags this movie down. And, and if, and if you could just like put Robert Downey Jr. Just as him, the whole movie is so much better. He's, he's tough in this movie. Am I wrong? I mean, I like this movie and we'll get into it at the end, but every, every time he has to deliver a line, it's kind of rough, right?

• 1:05:41Bill Simmons?

  It's, you know what it's very similar to is the Wiley Wiggins, Dazed and Confused performance as Mitch Kramer.

• 1:05:47Speaker 02

  Good call.

• 1:05:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:48Bill Simmons?

  Where it's, it's just, you're putting a lot on him, you know?

• 1:05:51Speaker 03

  You really are.

• 1:05:52Bill Simmons?

  It's, it's, I'm trying to, who's the quarterback in 2025 where it's just like, man?

• 1:05:59Bill Simmons?

  I don't know. This is a lot of offense to throw at this. It's like J.J. McCarthy right now. It's like, oh, Jesus.

• 1:06:05Speaker 03

  He's not ready.

• 1:06:06Bill Simmons?

  Oh, no. He's got these two receivers and Kevin O'Connell, but I don't know if he can complete a straight pass.

• 1:06:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:13Speaker 02

  As Craig, as someone who like spent years with this movie, you just kind of tolerate him. You know, it's not right. He's our guy, just like Wiley Wiggins. You tolerate him. He was, his voice is excruciating. When he's like, "I miss him. I miss him in my room." And Hughes casted him because he thought his voice was interesting. And he's like, "Yeah, I'll do you..." And he's the guy who like does, he makes the rounds. He comes to the Comic Con type things and he'll speak. He's a professor now, but...

• 1:06:43Bill Simmons?

  And I feel bad because he's probably listening, but there's like, it's same thing for Mitch Kramer. Like, the IMDb usually doesn't lie.

• 1:06:52Speaker 02

  Right. Scoreboard.

• 1:06:53Bill Simmons?

  You see the movies after the movie and it's like, well, yeah, I think the IMDb speaks for itself.

• 1:06:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's just a heavy load to carry as a lead at this age. It's like, it's rare to find Anthony Michael Hall. You know, it's tough. It's a tough casting move.

• 1:07:06Bill Simmons?

  Downey would have been the move.

• 1:07:08Speaker 03

  Downey, I think, would have been good and I think he could have played a nerd. Because I don't, I don't think he gave off super cool guy jock vibes. Like, not that I guess he was a jock, but I think you could have realistically put him in that Wyatt spot and it would have played.

• 1:07:20Bill Simmons?

  Wow. This movie has a completely different shelf life if it's Downey and Michael Hall as the, as the two stars.

• 1:07:26Speaker 02

  And they're like...

• 1:07:27Bill Simmons?

  After Iron Man, this movie evolved into some different stratosphere.

• 1:07:30Speaker 02

  And those two are like lifelong friends. Anthony Michael Hall's the godfather of Downey's kid like that. That would have been, I mean, they reunited and stupid ass Johnny be good again, which we're talking about. But that's a great call. I, can I, Bill, I want to give one more of What's Age the Worst? Because this is pretty important. When we did the Wayne's World pod, we talked a lot about Wayne's World 2 and we're like, "It's very, very dependent on knowing Oliver Stone's The Doors movie. That's pretty fucking weird." If you watch this movie and are not familiar with The Road Warrior, which is like the sequel to Mad Max.

• 1:08:05Bill Simmons?

  It's a great plan.

• 1:08:06Speaker 02

  You're like, "What the fucking hell is going on here with these guys on the motorcycles? I am lost." It's very strange.

• 1:08:13Speaker 03

  I was one of those people who was lost.

• 1:08:14Speaker 02

  Okay, yeah, Craig, when you're watching these guys come in and it's, it's, it's pulled right from this movie that had just come out, same actor, same makeup, same everything. They're like doing an homage to it. What are you thinking?

• 1:08:27Speaker 03

  That everybody in the eighties could just get away with whatever they want and that, I mean, I saw there was like a Jabba the Hutt 20 minutes later. So I was like, you know, they're just, John Hughes is doing whatever he wants and he thought of this overnight.

• 1:08:38Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, this is the lesson I've tried to teach Craig over and over again is that just cocaine in the eighties, like they're, all bets are off.

• 1:08:45Speaker 03

  Well, and that movies back then could be more niche. Like this movie is made for only boys between the age of 14 and 16 and, and people who saw that movie nowadays, they would never do that. I mean, they don't even make SNL sketches about movies anymore because there's no monoculture anymore.

• 1:09:00Speaker 02

  So it's, it's one thing if, if Hughes wants to make an homage to the Road Warrior. I get it, a little tip of the cap. This is a nine minute sequence.

• 1:09:08Speaker 03

  It's the climax.

• 1:09:09Speaker 02

  It comprises 10% of the whole movie. It's an incredible investment in the Road Warrior. What the hell?

• 1:09:15Bill Simmons?

  It's a good time to make popcorn, too.

• 1:09:17Speaker 02

  Jesus, and it's our guy Vernon Wells from Commando, it's awesome.

• 1:09:22Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, all right. Thanks, Craig. We'll, uh, we'll take one more break and then we'll come back with the hottest take. This episode is brought to you by Searchlight Pictures Wild Horse 9. John Malkovich and Sam Rockwell, I like those guys, star in the sharp-witted comedy thriller from Academy Award winner Martin McDonagh, writer-director of The Banshees of Minnehoshan and Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, set in the 1970s, filmed on location on Easter Island. Malkovich and Rockwell play CIA agents Chris and Lee, who are caught in a dangerous game of secrets and survival. Also starring Steve Buscemi, another one of my guys, Parker Posey and Tom Waits. Wild Horse 9 is being hailed by critics as a revitalizing shot of pure entertainment

• 1:10:06Bill Simmons?

  and easily one of the best films of the year. Don't miss Wild Horse 9, only in theaters November 6th. Get tickets now. This episode is brought to by Ethos. As a parent, life insurance feels like a no brainer. It just gives me peace of mind knowing my family will be taken care of. And Ethos makes getting it fast and easy. Apply online in minutes. Get up to 3 million in coverage with no medical exam, just a few simple health questions. Take 10 minutes to get covered today with life insurance through Ethos. Get your free quote at ethos.com/rewatch. That is E T H O S dot com slash rewatch. Application times may vary, rates may vary.

• 1:10:48Bill Simmons?

  All right, come back, Kyle. What is your flex category?

• 1:10:50Speaker 02

  Shit, you know what? My flex category was going to be about the Jamie Lee Curtis Unnecessary Nudity Award for Kim Malin. Beginning, we already talked about Kim Malin and the run that she went on. I also was gonna go, if this would be a porn title, and I was gonna make it a gay porn called Queered Science, in which Wyatt and Gary make a guy and they just get after it and it's Queered Science. So that's fine.

• 1:11:14Bill Simmons?

  How would you spell the queered?

• 1:11:17Speaker 02

  Q U E I R D.

• 1:11:20Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:21Speaker 02

  Science. And I think it might exist. I didn't even look. I didn't look.

• 1:11:25Bill Simmons?

  I would vote not looking.

• 1:11:28Bill Simmons?

  That sounds like a possible virus.

• 1:11:31Bill Simmons?

  The CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford hottest take award.

• 1:11:38Bill Simmons?

  I think you can make a case.

• 1:11:41Bill Simmons?

  This is the best 80s movie theme song that actually has the title in the song.

• 1:11:46Speaker 02

  Oh, I love this.

• 1:11:47Bill Simmons?

  For the purposes of the song. So I can't, I had six.

• 1:11:51Speaker 02

  What else you got?

• 1:11:51Bill Simmons?

  And all of them have a case. And Weird Science is one of them. St. Elmo's Fire.

• 1:11:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. John Parr.

• 1:11:58Bill Simmons?

  I can feel the fire burning.

• 1:12:01Speaker 02

  It's a great one.

• 1:12:01Bill Simmons?

  But it doesn't really work the plot into it.

• 1:12:05Bill Simmons?

  So just keep that in mind. Footloose.

• 1:12:10Speaker 02

  That's gotta be the goat, right? That's tough to beat.

• 1:12:12Bill Simmons?

  Well, I'm gonna try to make the case for Weird Science.

• 1:12:14Speaker 02

  I'll help you.

• 1:12:15Bill Simmons?

  But Footloose, everybody's got Footloose. And it's, it ties into the plot. Like, it's, it's, it's a good one. It's a, it's a good, good candidate. Purple Rain. So Purple Rain is like intimately into the end of the movie.

• 1:12:30Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:12:31Bill Simmons?

  Right?

• 1:12:31Speaker 02

  It's a great list.

• 1:12:34Bill Simmons?

  But I don't really know what the Purple Rain was compared to what I just watched in the movie. It's basically just like, he came up with this awesome song that Wendy and Lisa wrote for him. And then he's like, ah, Purple Rain, but I, it didn't really advance the plot. It's just basically him kicking ass with a song. Ghostbusters.

• 1:12:52Speaker 02

  Ray Parker Jr.

• 1:12:53Bill Simmons?

  Now that does work, that does work the plot into it. Who are you gonna call Ghostbusters? I just don't think it's a good song. And then the last one is, uh, we're going stealth, Against All Odds.

• 1:13:03Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:13:04Bill Simmons?

  Um, which is, CR and I have circled it a couple of times for the, for the rewatchables. I think we might be the only ones that like it. But it's got Phil Collins and it's got Jeff Bridges and, and Rachel Ward and they're in love and it's against the odds. So those would be my six. So basically in the finals, I'd have Footloose against Weird Science.

• 1:13:25Speaker 02

  This is so great. I love that you and CR are circling Against All Odds. Was there not a song called Proof of Life in that movie? They didn't, they didn't do one?

• 1:13:31Bill Simmons?

  No, they didn't do, they should have. Sit right there, the killers could have done it.

• 1:13:37Speaker 02

  Listen, I'm trying to think like, the Purple Rain, the legacy for me is just Prince playing that at the Super Bowl halftime in Miami and it's raining. Like, I think of it more than the movie. Ray Parker Jr. is, is a full phenomenon. Like, it's, that, that song's huge.

• 1:13:51Bill Simmons?

  It's pretty good. I did consider it. Weird, so here's my case for Weird Science. They, Hughes clearly told Oingo Boingo.

• 1:14:00Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:14:01Bill Simmons?

  I'm making this movie. It's about these 15 year old kids that create basically like the perfect woman and she comes out of the computer and has sex with them. It's called Weird Science. Can you work some Frankenstein stuff? Can you have somebody say like, it's alive? And can you really like, I'll show you, I'll screen the movie for you and then you guys can write it. It just has that vibe. So I think I would still pick it number one. Footloose, I feel like Loggins just made Footloose. I don't know if they went to him and said, yo, here's the idea. It's these kids dancing.

• 1:14:34Speaker 02

  Dancing. They're not allowed to. You're saying it was specifically curated just for this movie and the concept as opposed to just being a catchy thing?

• 1:14:42Bill Simmons?

  I feel like Loggins did Footloose. He wrote the song and then they're like, good song. We should name the movie Footloose. Like, it was almost like they had the song and then the title came after. This is clearly Weird Science. Can you write this?

• 1:14:54Speaker 02

  Plus, Loggins was just banging out so many hits for different movies at the time. Like, spread the wealth around a little bit. I, I think, um, I think that is a really, really good take. You know what the biggest loser in it is, though? Thomas Dolby, who two years later did She Blinded Me With Science. He was like, god damn it, I had the science song, right?

• 1:15:13Bill Simmons?

  He was right there. He had to have been furious. What's your hottest take?

• 1:15:19Speaker 02

  My hottest take, um,

• 1:15:22Speaker 02

  Lisa sucks. That's my take. And I'll tell you why. Right out of the fucking gates, she takes them to this terrible bar where they're totally uncomfortable at, stands by while Gary's coerced into drinking, then lets Wyatt drink and drive home. Um, she's constantly teasing them sexually, including buying underwear just to turn them on. They don't want that fucking party. Wyatt says it a hundred times, I don't want this party. They're not my friends. She's like, no, you're gonna have a party. She pulls a gun on Gary's dad, which Gary is really pissed off about. Then she makes Gary's dad permanently forget that his son exists. And then at the end of it, she's just like, I gotta go. I have to leave. Why? Why the fuck do you have to leave? And then she just walks away.

• 1:16:01Bill Simmons?

  You left out the biker gang.

• 1:16:02Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, the fucking biker gang.

• 1:16:03Bill Simmons?

  Bring the biker gang. And you left out, she puts the grandparents in the closet. These poor people just wanted to see their grandson.

• 1:16:09Speaker 02

  You're exactly right. And those girlfriends she got him, they're gone the next fucking day. They're not sticking around.

• 1:16:15Bill Simmons?

  And she turned Chet into a toad.

• 1:16:17Speaker 02

  Yes. So I, I think Lisa, like, is she that great? Like, what, what exactly does she do for them? Because there's a lot of shit that she does wrong. And Lisa sucks. I don't care. Yeah, there should have been.

• 1:16:29Bill Simmons?

  It's a pretty good one.

• 1:16:30Speaker 02

  By the way, like.

• 1:16:31Bill Simmons?

  The counter would be she made them better people.

• 1:16:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, for 10 minutes. And by the way, awful, awful preachy that they decided to try to make another girl. Like, why can't we decide? We can make you disappear too. She's trying to lecture them and condescend them. Like, they made you. They can make another one. I like her.

• 1:16:47Bill Simmons?

  It's pretty good. Casting what ifs, initially Kelly Amber, a model who had been in Sports Illustrated, was cast as Lisa left after two days for creative differences. Was not able to find out anything on the internets about that. She, all I know about Kelly Amber, she was an SI model and had a kid with Rod Stewart in the 80s, but they didn't get married and then she sued him for palimony.

• 1:17:09Speaker 02

  Those are good nuggets.

• 1:17:10Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Also auditioning for the part of Lisa and not getting it, Demi Moore.

• 1:17:16Speaker 02

  Let's go.

• 1:17:17Bill Simmons?

  Too young, probably at that point. She's like 20.

• 1:17:22Speaker 02

  But isn't 20 good? Don't we want they're closer to Wyatt and Gary? Like, I want someone close to them that they can sleep with. Like, that's what I'm looking for here. I don't want the Mary Poppins.

• 1:17:32Bill Simmons?

  That's fair. Well, the other one was Robin Wright, who would go on to become the most beautiful woman in the world in Princess Bride. So she's pretty young, too. Both of them are soap opera actresses who were like 18, 19 range. So, yeah, so it works from a closer to the age, more realistic, but I'm not sure that's what he was wanting.

• 1:17:50Speaker 02

  Robin Wright's coming off Santa Barbara, just absolutely.

• 1:17:53Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:53Speaker 02

  Princess Bride's 87.

• 1:17:55Bill Simmons?

  Were you on Santa Barbara?

• 1:17:57Speaker 02

  I was not on Santa Barbara, no. I was on Days of Alive, but I've been to Santa Barbara.

• 1:18:01Bill Simmons?

  You never did Santa, the Santa Barbara, like the three week you were a doctor, you got killed?

• 1:18:06Speaker 02

  No, I think I was gone by the time I was in my soap phase. Maybe it'll be back.

• 1:18:11Bill Simmons?

  The only other casting what if Anthony Michael Hall had a choice of doing National Lampoon's European Vacation or this movie and he chose, wisely chose Weird Science?

• 1:18:19Speaker 02

  This is the right move. Yeah, I don't like European that much.

• 1:18:23Bill Simmons?

  That's that guy word. Is John Capellos a that guy?

• 1:18:26Speaker 02

  Not for me, but I'm deep in a nerd in this. I don't think most people know John Capellos.

• 1:18:30Bill Simmons?

  Like for Craig, he's a that guy?

• 1:18:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, he's the custodian in The Breakfast Club. He's in 16 Candles. He's in the huge movies.

• 1:18:37Bill Simmons?

  He wins. He wins.

• 1:18:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I, I mean, it's either him or your guy, your guy Gary's dad, Britt Leach as Gary's dad.

• 1:18:47Bill Simmons?

  He is a good that guy because I didn't even know where I know him from. Where was he from? Was he in Terminator?

• 1:18:52Speaker 02

  He's, no, I wish. He's the.

• 1:18:54Bill Simmons?

  Was he in the beginning of Terminator?

• 1:18:56Speaker 02

  No, Paxton's in the beginning of Terminator, but Britt Leach is not, as far as I know, is not. He's in, he has a scene in Father of the Bride when George Banks crashes out, as they say, at the hot dogs. He's the grocery store manager and Britt Leach is also in The Great Outdoors. Uh, just a couple of memorable roles and he's just so good in this. Britt Leach.

• 1:19:14Bill Simmons?

  I have a scary bald biker guy with the ears.

• 1:19:18Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:19:18Bill Simmons?

  He's one of those guys. He's been a scary guy. And then, uh, the lead biker guy of, uh, whatever that road warrior gang was, was also one of the bad guys in Commando.

• 1:19:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's Bennett.

• 1:19:28Bill Simmons?

  Very much.

• 1:19:29Speaker 02

  He's like the number one guy with the chain mail. Like that's the same role. Vernon Wells.

• 1:19:33Bill Simmons?

  Hey Bennett.

• 1:19:36Speaker 02

  I'm gonna take the knife and you Bennett, you don't need the gun. I twist the knife. Come on Bennett. Let off some steam. That was years ago. We did that.

• 1:19:45Bill Simmons?

  Dion Waiters award. I have Gary's dad. I know it's not the right choice, but I love Gary's dad.

• 1:19:51Speaker 02

  I love how much you love Gary's dad. I love Gary's dad.

• 1:19:54Bill Simmons?

  Who is this Gary character? Uh, what do you have for Dion?

• 1:20:00Speaker 02

  Well, uh, well dad, he's a plumber and he's into plumbing and, uh, and he, he plums, right? That, um, no, I mean, I have, I have, uh, I have Chet, Bill Paxton. He's only in three scenes. He disappears for an hour.

• 1:20:10Bill Simmons?

  Oh, yeah, Chet. I forgot. I thought of Chet as like being an action, but you're right. If he's only in three scenes.

• 1:20:15Speaker 02

  Three scenes. You two donkey dicks couldn't get laid in a morgue. Like just fucking awesome. Awesome. I say it all the time.

• 1:20:21Bill Simmons?

  Maybe Gary's dad should just be a new category.

• 1:20:24Speaker 02

  What would it be?

• 1:20:25Bill Simmons?

  I don't know. Gary's dad. I don't know why I love this character so much.

• 1:20:29Speaker 02

  Great.

• 1:20:29Bill Simmons?

  Gary's dad award. Recasting couch director city. So I, I mean, Downey being the, uh, being Wyatt is clearly the answer.

• 1:20:39Speaker 02

  I nailed it. Nailed it.

• 1:20:41Bill Simmons?

  I'd like to test drive dumping Downey's buddy, played by Robert Russler.

• 1:20:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:48Bill Simmons?

  And like, where's Zapka? How is he not in this? Like Zapka just should have been in all these movies. It's four scenes. He just has to be at a mall scene. He has to be at the party. Like they filmed two scenes in the bedroom. Like he could have, there's three days he could have just jumped in and filmed here. I don't know where he was.

• 1:21:05Speaker 02

  You couldn't be more right. And you're, and you're, here's why. It's like the Key Master and the Gatekeeper getting together. We need William Zapka bully to be bullying Anthony Michael Hall nerd. And that's what we need together. We never got it.

• 1:21:17Bill Simmons?

  It's like how we never got Sugar Ray Leonard versus Aaron Pryor. I wanted that for the entire eighties.

• 1:21:22Speaker 02

  We gotta have it.

• 1:21:24Bill Simmons?

  Never had it.

• 1:21:27Bill Simmons?

  Half ass or research, didn't have a lot here other than, um, the production was kept closed because they wanted to keep the film's plot a secret for some reason. But then the, uh, Elon Mitchell Smith has given a couple of interviews since. And he said that there's a scene that Bill Paxton loved being around the filming. It just seems like the greatest guy. But in the party scene, apparently he dresses up in his sunglasses and a trench coat, trench coat. And he's in the party scene and it's Chet.

• 1:21:58Speaker 02

  See.

• 1:21:59Bill Simmons?

  But you don't realize that it's him, but it's, it's Bill Paxton because he just wanted to be around.

• 1:22:05Speaker 02

  That's, everybody associated with this movie is like, so Chet's the biggest asshole of all time. They're like, Bill Paxton is the nicest person I've ever met in my life.

• 1:22:12Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, everyone loves Bill Paxton.

• 1:22:14Speaker 02

  He, you don't get him doing comedy much. It's like,

• 1:22:16Bill Simmons?

  No.

• 1:22:16Speaker 02

  It's here, it's true lies when he's hilarious. And then even in serious movies like Aliens, when he's just saying, oh, game over, man. Like, that's so fucking funny. So when he does it, he does it great.

• 1:22:28Bill Simmons?

  Apex Mountain.

• 1:22:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:22:29Bill Simmons?

  Anthony Michael Hall, I'm gonna say yes.

• 1:22:31Speaker 02

  It is.

• 1:22:31Bill Simmons?

  This is like, right? This, this weird science breakfast club combo is right when it happened. Elon Mitchell Smith, definitely yes.

• 1:22:38Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:22:38Bill Simmons?

  Kelly LeBrock, also a yes.

• 1:22:39Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:22:40Bill Simmons?

  Woman in red than this. Paxton, no. Asshole older brothers in a comedy, I, I'm gonna say yes. I think Chet's like, Chet's as good as we did. He's, he's competing against the Home Alone older brother. Like, there's a couple, but I still feel like Chet's the best.

• 1:22:57Speaker 02

  Buzz doesn't win because the Home Alone uncle Frank is worse than Buzz and he takes all his shine. But yeah, Chet is horrible.

• 1:23:06Bill Simmons?

  Shermer High School, probably Breakfast Club.

• 1:23:08Speaker 02

  Definitely.

• 1:23:09Bill Simmons?

  John Hughes.

• 1:23:12Speaker 02

  Heat check time. Heat check. He's making a movie about a guy's making a woman and they're like, yeah, sure, do it, whatever you want. Same year as Breakfast Club.

• 1:23:19Bill Simmons?

  I think it's Breakfast Club, though, which comes out after, right?

• 1:23:23Speaker 02

  No, Breakfast Club, February eighty-five. This is August of eighty-five.

• 1:23:26Bill Simmons?

  Breakfast Club came out before, so I think it's Breakfast Club. Either way, it's Breakfast Club. Although some people would say it's the late eighties when he writes Home Alone and.

• 1:23:36Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:23:37Bill Simmons?

  But that, but I don't even know. I, I mean.

• 1:23:38Speaker 02

  Bill, do you, this, I've wrestled with this my whole life. Do you like Breakfast Club or Ferris better?

• 1:23:44Bill Simmons?

  Uh, Breakfast Club, I've seen more times and I, I, they're both pantheon for me, but Breakfast Club's an all-timer for me.

• 1:23:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. For years and years of my life, I would say Breakfast Club's my favorite movie. I don't really anymore, but I think it's just by a nose over Ferris. I love Ferris, though.

• 1:23:58Bill Simmons?

  It's one of, especially as my brain's going, as I've hit my, uh, my fifties here, but it's one of the only movies I can still, like, quote accurately.

• 1:24:06Speaker 02

  I know. It's fun.

• 1:24:09Speaker 02

  It's really fun.

• 1:24:09Bill Simmons?

  Larry Lester's buns, taping them together.

• 1:24:13Speaker 02

  And you know what they do in that movie? It's the same thing they do here. Hughes always makes you eat your vegetables. There's always gonna be some sort of sentimental scene at the end. It's not just horny high school stuff, but Andrew Clark getting high and crying about his dad. This is Gary and Wyatt being like, I want you to like me for me. That's why, that's not really my car. Like Hughes will always give you a little bit of green beans on the side.

• 1:24:35Bill Simmons?

  Toads. Apex Mountain, for people being turned into a toad, I'm gonna say yes.

• 1:24:40Speaker 02

  So is he a toad or is he a pile of shit? Like, what?

• 1:24:43Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:43Speaker 02

  What is that creature? Is he a pile of feces? Is he a frog? Is he a, I don't, I don't even know what it is.

• 1:24:49Bill Simmons?

  He's a feces toad that eats flies.

• 1:24:50Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:24:51Bill Simmons?

  Greasy pork sandwiches on dirty ashtray.

• 1:24:53Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:24:53Bill Simmons?

  Uh, how about this? Eighties high school party scenes?

• 1:24:56Speaker 02

  I got it on my list. Um, and I'll, I'll say it as boldly as I can. This is the one for me. This is number one high school party movie in any decade. It's just, and the reasons why I think that fucking house is amazing. Wyatt has this huge mansion with like a lake outside and a gate.

• 1:25:12Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:13Speaker 02

  Uh, she uses magic, so like, there's all this food and like, the lighting's perfect. There's a full bar with bartenders and scotch and stuff and like, the music's cool and there's, uh, this is the party I wanted to go to when I was a little kid.

• 1:25:25Bill Simmons?

  That's fair. Eighties fantasy woman, no.

• 1:25:30Bill Simmons?

  Unless they're created from a, from a computer.

• 1:25:33Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:25:33Bill Simmons?

  And then eighties houses coming back together right before the parents get home. I still think it's risky business.

• 1:25:38Speaker 02

  Definitely. Well, the auction.

• 1:25:40Bill Simmons?

  Unloading Guido, the killer pimp.

• 1:25:41Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:25:42Bill Simmons?

  Like pulling, carrying the egg, bringing the stuff back.

• 1:25:44Speaker 02

  So good.

• 1:25:45Bill Simmons?

  Great stuff. Cruise or Hanks? Cruise is Wyatt, like early eighties Cruise, like Outsiders Cruise?

• 1:25:53Speaker 02

  I was thinking of like, of, of losing it Cruise.

• 1:25:56Bill Simmons?

  Losing it Cruise, that's Wyatt.

• 1:25:58Speaker 02

  And by the way, when's, when's the losing it pod, Bill? When, when's that coming? Him and Shelley Long.

• 1:26:04Bill Simmons?

  I think Cruise bought, I think Cruise bought that out. I don't think it exists. It's like how Johnny Depp bought a private resort with him in a, who, who's the guy? Rob Morrow. Yeah. You can't find that movie. The movie's gone.

• 1:26:15Speaker 02

  You can't find Soul Man. You can't find losing it. And I remember I read like a rundown once that Cruise did with Entertainment Weekly where he gave like one take on all his movies that he did. And they're like, losing it. And he's like, yeah, that really made me learn about what projects to pick. And that was like his only comment. I don't think he's proud. It's not good.

• 1:26:32Bill Simmons?

  And then, then he went and bought every copy that was left. Scorsese or Spielberg? Probably Spielberg. I think the horny teenage thing would have resonated with him in some way.

• 1:26:41Speaker 02

  I think Spielberg for sure. I just, I just think like, how cool was it, dude, that Hughes and Spielberg just holding down the eighties on totally different corners, totally different types of movies? Never worked together, never crossed over. Like the closest they got was that Chris Columbus was a Spielberg protege and he ended up directing Home Alone. If they could have movie swapped, I would have Spielberg direct Weird Science and I would have Hughes direct The Goonies, which he produced, but like the kids and the fun that they get into, like, that would be the perfect swap. I'd love a Hughes Goonies.

• 1:27:12Bill Simmons?

  It's a good idea for a category, movie swap.

• 1:27:15Speaker 02

  Swap.

• 1:27:16Bill Simmons?

  Yes. Movie swap. Let's, mark that one down. What role would people, Philip Seymour Hoffman have played clearly, Chet?

• 1:27:24Speaker 02

  How'd you like a greasy pork sandwich? Like he would be awesome.

• 1:27:29Bill Simmons?

  He would have played him as like Son of a Woman, that, that whatever his character was in that.

• 1:27:33Speaker 02

  With the jacket. Yeah.

• 1:27:34Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. All right. Pick a Nits.

• 1:27:37Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:27:38Bill Simmons?

  We already mentioned the boys are getting the sex out of the way as soon as she's created. That's happening.

• 1:27:44Bill Simmons?

  This movie should have just been rated R.

• 1:27:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. And what would they do with it?

• 1:27:49Bill Simmons?

  This is one of the things we figured out 20 years later in the Superbad era. It's like, why are we trying to make PG movies thinking kids aren't just gonna go buy a ticket to another movie and then sneak into this one? Why aren't we building buzz? Why aren't we pushing the envelope? We, for some reason, none of that stuff really clicked until about 2004.

• 1:28:09Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 1:28:10Bill Simmons?

  And it's a shame.

• 1:28:11Speaker 02

  PG 13, brand new, brand new at this point, on the heels of Gremlins.

• 1:28:16Bill Simmons?

  That was European Vacation, rusty, saw some boobs.

• 1:28:19Speaker 02

  Temple of Doom, so they're like, you know, we can give them a little action. We can kind of show a nude woman, say a few bad words, but we can sell more money by getting younger people in as well. It's always been like that purgatory rating, you know, that, like, the new Predator movie is out and people are like, holy shit, it's PG 13, but it's really good still. It must be amazing if they can be that good without an R rating. It's just fascinating to me.

• 1:28:41Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:43Bill Simmons?

  Any other picket nets? I mean, it's hard to pick a lot of nets with this movie because it's so ridiculous.

• 1:28:47Speaker 02

  I just, like, okay, I grew up in the Chicago suburbs. I basically grew up in Shermer in the mid 80s. The fact that these two kids are living in the north suburbs of Chicago, Illinois of 1985, and they're not having every single conversation about the 85 Bears is such bullshit, is the biggest thing in the world. Never mind Lisa, they'd be making Wilbur Marshall and Otis Wilson and playing the Super Bowl Shuffle, there'd be no oingo, boingo, boingo. It would be Refrigerator Perry rapping. There was everywhere. It drives me nuts that there's no 85 Bears in this. They just missed.

• 1:29:13Bill Simmons?

  Wow, that's great. Well, you also have the 84 Cubs, too. It would have been.

• 1:29:17Speaker 02

  And Gary's wearing a Cubs hat.

• 1:29:18Bill Simmons?

  Leon Durham, you would add a Jim McMahon, Walter Payton, something.

• 1:29:21Speaker 02

  Rick Sutcliffe for sure is up there everywhere.

• 1:29:24Bill Simmons?

  No wonder these guys were fucking nerds. Put on a Walter Payton jersey, guys. He's right there.

• 1:29:28Speaker 02

  He's been there for years.

• 1:29:29Bill Simmons?

  He's the best running back of his generation.

• 1:29:30Speaker 02

  Sucks.

• 1:29:30Bill Simmons?

  What are you guys doing?

• 1:29:31Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 1:29:32Bill Simmons?

  By the way, Jordan showed up that year, too.

• 1:29:34Speaker 02

  You're right. So it's everything's coming up.

• 1:29:36Bill Simmons?

  Jordan's on the Bulls.

• 1:29:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:29:38Bill Simmons?

  Throw on a Jordan jersey, be ahead of the curve.

• 1:29:41Speaker 02

  Jordan shows up not until Home Alone later and Kevin McCallister's Christmas decorations. They finally get back to it. The only other nitpicking I had is, what is going on in that bathroom, bathroom scene at the end? Like, Wyatt is taking a shit while Gary's in the room? What, that doesn't make, no one's ever done that. I don't, I don't understand.

• 1:29:56Bill Simmons?

  I don't, that's, it's being. On to picking nit. I don't. These guys share a lot like they they share they share they sleep together every night. They're like taking shits together.

• 1:30:06Speaker 02

  They're in the showers together. Can you imagine being in the same bathroom as your high school friend while he takes a dump right next to you? It doesn't it would never happen. It doesn't make sense.

• 1:30:13Speaker 03

  And why did they then like let the two girls in to use the bathroom and then they just get into the shower instead of we?

• 1:30:19Speaker 02

  It makes me uncomfortable because I know it stinks in that bathroom. I hate.

• 1:30:21Speaker 03

  Yeah. So why are there two twin beds in that room?

• 1:30:24Speaker 02

  Great call.

• 1:30:25Bill Simmons?

  I thought the same thing.

• 1:30:26Speaker 02

  Great call. It's set up for sleepovers.

• 1:30:28Bill Simmons?

  Twin beds?

• 1:30:29Speaker 02

  Yes. Yes.

• 1:30:30Bill Simmons?

  Well, maybe the only thing I was thinking was maybe Chet slept with Wyatt for a while before he got older.

• 1:30:36Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 1:30:37Bill Simmons?

  And they just never got rid of the twin beds.

• 1:30:38Speaker 02

  And at the end of the movie, Gary and Deb are in one of the twin beds together and like that's that's pretty tight. It's it is strange.

• 1:30:44Bill Simmons?

  Can I I had this later for Illinois and an unanswerable question about Illinois, but I'll do it here. Because we had all these different houses and movies filmed in there in the eighties. And all the houses are like really nice and huge. And they're in these great suburbs, you know, good school system, apparently. Carl, the janitor is a janitor.

• 1:31:06Bill Simmons?

  But this house you mentioned earlier was like a really nice, almost like a mansion. So was the Home Alone house. So was the Risky Business house. Ferris had an awesome house. Cameron had an awesome house. But did it was Illinois just like the best mid eighties Illinois, the best red fan you could had could have done?

• 1:31:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:31:24Bill Simmons?

  Which is like, oh, man, like, were these houses expensive? Did just everybody have a nice house? I I didn't understand it.

• 1:31:31Speaker 02

  I think it's a really nice place to live and there's some neighborhoods that aren't, but listen, like I I know where Cameron Fry's house is. We used to drive by it. It's in it's in Lake Forest. We used and the crazy thing is, Bill, is that like the Bears facility is up there and the Bulls practice facility. So like Michael Jordan's house is like five minutes away from where Gary and Wyatt's house is. They're all up there in the north suburbs. Great place to live, man.

• 1:31:54Bill Simmons?

  We should have given the Amanda Dobbins real estate category to the house because I I just thought it was an awesome house.

• 1:31:59Speaker 02

  It is.

• 1:32:00Bill Simmons?

  Sequel, prequel, prestige, TBL, Black Cast are untouchable.

• 1:32:05Bill Simmons?

  All black cast would have been interesting.

• 1:32:06Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:32:07Bill Simmons?

  Maybe like a 1994 range, all black cast, you get like Alfonso Ribero is one of the nerds.

• 1:32:16Bill Simmons?

  I don't know, Halle Berry is the weird science. Maybe it's like 92, 91 range.

• 1:32:22Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:32:22Bill Simmons?

  When there was like a black movie renaissance just happening in general, maybe they're like, fuck it, let's make black weird science. Let's go.

• 1:32:29Speaker 02

  I can flush that out for you. And when they make Lisa, the first thing Lisa does is take him to a bar of all white people listening to heavy metal. And they're listening like mega.

• 1:32:38Bill Simmons?

  To a country club.

• 1:32:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. And there's just like, yeah, here, drink this martini. And they drink it and it's all switched like that. That's the way it works.

• 1:32:45Bill Simmons?

  She takes him to the Shermer country club because it's martini night. Is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins, Danny Trejo, Bad Dog Russo, Doris Burke, Buffalo Bill, Sam Jackson, Nell, Byron Mayo, Tony Roma, Chris Collins or Daniel Plainview, Long Legs or Wilford Brimley in the firm? What do you have?

• 1:33:01Speaker 02

  All right.

• 1:33:01Bill Simmons?

  You're gonna do it, aren't you?

• 1:33:02Speaker 02

  I gotta stretch out. So our guy this week, Gus Johnson's been in the news. He's been in the conversation for his call at the end of the Indiana game. I'm team Gus for life. And I think you start the movie with Gus. And I don't go, and I don't go boing boing. You got Wyatt and Gary sitting there and they're checking out the gym and Gus comes on the call. Wyatt and Gary, young fellas.

• 1:33:27Speaker 02

  Pitching tents in the gym, watching girls gymnastics. Here comes Tony Stark.

• 1:33:36Speaker 02

  They're down at his ankles with the fruit of the loom. There we go.

• 1:33:42Bill Simmons?

  Wow. We, you, you actually, you lost audio on the zoom because you, you went to.

• 1:33:47Speaker 02

  I went too big.

• 1:33:48Bill Simmons?

  Gus, thank God you're recording from your end.

• 1:33:50Speaker 02

  Wow. I'm at work right now, too. Sorry for everybody. They might actually think it's Gus Johnson, but it's just me. Sorry.

• 1:33:55Bill Simmons?

  Gus Johnson's in the closet. What's going on there?

• 1:34:00Speaker 02

  What do you got?

• 1:34:00Bill Simmons?

  I was thinking it could be funny if Buffalo Bill was in this movie because you know, it's middle America.

• 1:34:05Speaker 02

  Let's go.

• 1:34:07Bill Simmons?

  And there, somebody comes to see what happened to Lisa a couple of days later.

• 1:34:12Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:34:13Bill Simmons?

  And she's in his basement.

• 1:34:19Bill Simmons?

  You know, with, with, with, uh, with Precious, he's already kidnapped her and they're like, have you seen Lisa? Like this really hot British lady, she a British lady or she wearing a thong and a cutoff t-shirt. I heard about that. Uh, I don't know. Just put, just put them in bonus content for the DVD.

• 1:34:38Speaker 02

  Yeah. It, uh, it, it puts the woman on the computer like it's told her. It gets the hose again. Absolutely.

• 1:34:45Bill Simmons?

  Just want to ask her who gets it. Um, yeah, tough one. Maybe I go Boingo.

• 1:34:51Speaker 02

  Danny Alpin, he would not accept it. He would refuse to accept it.

• 1:34:55Bill Simmons?

  Danny Alpin's like, this movie never happened.

• 1:34:58Bill Simmons?

  Probably an answerable questions.

• 1:35:02Bill Simmons?

  Did, did Gary ever have sex with Lisa?

• 1:35:09Speaker 02

  Did Gary? No, I, we don't even see him kissing her. Nothing. Nothing.

• 1:35:14Bill Simmons?

  He get drunk and passed out. It was only a one night thing. Cause the second, this is all one weekend. First night, pass out.

• 1:35:21Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:35:22Bill Simmons?

  Second night, party.

• 1:35:23Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:35:24Bill Simmons?

  So he's out.

• 1:35:25Speaker 02

  Nothing.

• 1:35:27Bill Simmons?

  And then did she have sex with Wyatt?

• 1:35:29Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:35:30Bill Simmons?

  He wakes up the next day and he's wearing her panties. So that insinuates that something happened.

• 1:35:36Speaker 02

  He said she, she makes out with him and says, what do you want? Basically. And he's like, girls gymnastics. It's all going exactly how you would want. She's like, what fantasy do you want me to do? And then the next morning she says, I was in the middle of my gymnastics routine and you passed out. You fell asleep. So ostensibly like she was gonna have sex with

• 1:35:53Bill Simmons?

  him. He would have to have been roofied.

• 1:35:55Speaker 02

  She not passing out.

• 1:35:56Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. He's never had sex before. He's not passing out.

• 1:35:59Speaker 02

  He might be passing out because there's no blood in his head, but he's not falling asleep. Like I, I don't think it ever happened. And I put that line into like, but again, I, the smoking gun for me is she is at a lingerie store buying underwear specifically that they want to look hot in. It just, it doesn't make sense.

• 1:36:16Bill Simmons?

  And the next morning, at least in, for an hour, Wyatt's going, what happened last night? I passed out. Did you have sex with her? What happened? What'd you do?

• 1:36:25Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:36:25Bill Simmons?

  And they're just recapping every single moment of it. And, and, and Gary's just going, I can't believe I passed out. I gotta, wait, before we do anything today, I gotta.

• 1:36:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. Let's go take care of it.

• 1:36:36Bill Simmons?

  Nah. Nah. They're just going to a mall.

• 1:36:40Bill Simmons?

  What were Lisa's, I guess this is the Zouattine award too, but what were Lisa's next few days like in Shermer as, as the new British gym teacher with no credentials? I don't even know if she has a driver's license. Where does she live? Did she get an apartment? Did she just magically make an apartment? Did she move into another house? Like what, what was going on there?

• 1:37:02Speaker 02

  She can make all that stuff, I think with magic. I, I wonder like, what is her first gym class? Are we doing the pegboard? Are we climbing the rope? Are we doing the presidential fitness test?

• 1:37:11Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:12Speaker 02

  What are we doing? I don't, I don't know.

• 1:37:14Bill Simmons?

  Kickball, but she's making the balls like go in crazy directions.

• 1:37:18Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:37:19Bill Simmons?

  Is she dating? Does she want to date? Is she interested in meeting somebody?

• 1:37:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:37:25Bill Simmons?

  Like Michael Jordan and she like, who's this guy in the Bulls? I think that that's just gonna be my new boyfriend.

• 1:37:30Speaker 02

  No, I don't know. She, we know that she likes him very, very, very unathletic. You know that. I mean, I'm talking Gary White and Segal in both lives.

• 1:37:38Bill Simmons?

  Did Lisa eat and go to the bathroom?

• 1:37:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, cause we see her drinking.

• 1:37:43Bill Simmons?

  Was she fully human?

• 1:37:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think we see her drinking and I love that we're asking this. This is reminding me of when-

• 1:37:51Bill Simmons?

  She smokes a cigarette at one point.

• 1:37:53Speaker 02

  On the Star Wars pod, we spent 10 minutes being like, so does Chewbacca take a shit? And I was like way in, I'm like, this is why I listen.

• 1:37:59Bill Simmons?

  Chewbacca have an asshole? Like what, what's his deal?

• 1:38:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's like a dog. And yes, Lisa does, and she takes shits. And she might've even peed when she's in the shower with Wyatt and Gary. I, it's sure, let her rip.

• 1:38:10Bill Simmons?

  Okay. I want to make sure. Did you have any answerables? Cause I'm gonna move on.

• 1:38:15Speaker 02

  Just quickly, is this movie like spinning clock at the end? It's so short that they just, for some reason, inexplicably put in a chase scene with police that doesn't add up to anything. And they go in front of the train like it's Dukes of Hazzard for no reason. I feel like they're like, we need three more minutes to make it a movie. It just does nothing.

• 1:38:34Bill Simmons?

  He was just like, we gotta get to 88 minutes. That's what I told the studio, Ferrari chase scene.

• 1:38:41Bill Simmons?

  What piece of memorabilia would you want or not want from this movie? I just want to point out, the jacket worn by Kelly LeBrock in this film

• 1:38:49Speaker 02

  Go on.

• 1:38:50Bill Simmons?

  was sold to a pawn shop in Beverly Hills for 25,000.

• 1:38:53Speaker 02

  It's a nice jacket, the sleeveless one, yeah.

• 1:38:55Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:55Speaker 02

  Uh, I would get that if I would give it to my wife, but she's not wearing that. I, I would think of another family member, though. I, my souvenir bill will be Wyatt's incredible full ass treasure chest of Playboys and

• 1:39:07Bill Simmons?

  Oh, and with the trunk itself.

• 1:39:09Speaker 02

  With the trunk itself, yeah, under the tree for my son when he's the right age on Christmas. Have fun, son. Go with God. That'd be it.

• 1:39:16Bill Simmons?

  So I wanted, when they go up the stairs

• 1:39:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:39:19Bill Simmons?

  in Wyatt's house a couple of times, there's a family portrait of Wyatt and his family. And then later at the party, they all have the Hitler mustaches drawn on them. And I just think having that portrait would be hilarious.

• 1:39:33Speaker 02

  It's awesome. It'd be, people always say they want that, the Tony Soprano portrait when he's with Pyomai with like

• 1:39:38Bill Simmons?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 1:39:39Speaker 02

  Like Paulie takes. No, you're like, no, this is Wyatt's family from Home Alone, the real, or the, from Weird Science, the real family. It's great.

• 1:39:47Bill Simmons?

  Well, there was the Dirk Doug Diggler portrait.

• 1:39:49Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:39:50Bill Simmons?

  Was available a couple of times and I, I went on the auction site because I was, I was like, hey, this isn't. And it went for like some crazy price.

• 1:40:00Speaker 02

  Like five?

• 1:40:00Bill Simmons?

  Like crazy, like six figures.

• 1:40:04Speaker 02

  It's the worst painting of all time, too. It's horrible.

• 1:40:07Bill Simmons?

  It has Jessie St. James in the bottom right as like she actually painted it. And, uh, I wanted it for the studio, but it just didn't work out.

• 1:40:17Bill Simmons?

  The Coach Finstock award, best life lesson. We could deal with shame. Death is a much bigger issue.

• 1:40:22Speaker 02

  It's a heavy line, yeah.

• 1:40:23Bill Simmons?

  Just put that in your high school yearbook, ready to go. What's your double feature?

• 1:40:28Speaker 02

  Uh, mannequin. I'm doing Andrew McCarthy and Kim Cattrall. Nothing's gonna stop us now. A magical woman comes out of nowhere. You got Hollywood. You got the guy from Police Academy. And Bill, if the painting's too expensive for the studio, you should see if they have those, those DD drapes that they close that are embroidered with Dirk Diggler. That's probably way cheaper. Imagine that.

• 1:40:48Bill Simmons?

  I'll look at that. I'll search for that later. My double feature is Breakfast Club for the same reason my who won the movie pick is Anthony Michael Hall.

• 1:40:55Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 1:40:56Bill Simmons?

  I think, I just think it's an Anthony Michael Hall double feature where you're like, this guy should have, like, this guy should have at least been how we talk about Jonah Hill now.

• 1:41:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:41:06Bill Simmons?

  As popping in all these different awesome movies and just having a bigger run. And he became a really good character actor later in his career, but I just felt like, it's just too bad, but this is the eighties. Like weird shit happened and I know he had some issues, but it's too bad.

• 1:41:23Speaker 02

  He, he, he really carries Ellen Mitchell Smith in this movie too. Like it's, I feel like he's Jamar Chase and Mitchell Smith is like Jake Browning. Like, he's just carrying. Give me the ball, dude. Just give me the ball. Any way possible.

• 1:41:37Bill Simmons?

  Who do you have for who won the movie?

• 1:41:39Speaker 02

  I had LeBrock written down. Like, I think, I think Anthony Michael Hall's been great in other stuff. She's just sensational. If, if she doesn't work, the movie's terrible. And I think it's really cool that she didn't do a movie for another five years. She just seems like a cool lady. She refers to Hard to Kill, that movie, if you ask her, she refers to it as hard to watch. Like, she's self-deprecating. She's cool. I, I vote for her.

• 1:41:59Bill Simmons?

  Not hard to watch for us.

• 1:42:01Speaker 02

  Hell no. Every time.

• 1:42:02Bill Simmons?

  I bought it tonight. All right, Craig, you've, you've intentionally held off your take. I can't wait. What do you got?

• 1:42:09Speaker 03

  Man, we throw this movie in the vault with, with the movies that need to be studied and revisited every decade. I think it's in the running, I think it's in the running for the most eighties movie ever. Obviously, you guys can make that call better than me, but man, the clothing, the hair, just prime eighties, the cheesy effects, the like close up facial reactions, like when they see Kelly LeBrock for the first time, they do like the head wiggle with the sound effect.

• 1:42:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:42:36Speaker 03

  Which is so eighties. There's like a 10 minute offensive scene. You got a mall scene, Road Warrior, Oingo Boingo, Anthony Michael Hall himself.

• 1:42:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:42:45Speaker 03

  Um, I will say, when I went into this movie, I didn't know it was, I intentionally don't, I don't watch trailers. I don't look up anything about the movie. I just watch it. I, so I didn't know it was PG 13, assumed it was R. Was kind of expecting Kelly LeBrock naked in like the first 10 minutes.

• 1:43:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:43:00Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:01Speaker 03

  Like the shower scene, I was like, here we go. And then they cut off at the legs. I was, so I was slightly disappointed there and it kind of like changed my

• 1:43:08Speaker 02

  Good for you.

• 1:43:08Speaker 03

  calculus of, of what the movie was, cause it's John Hughes. But I, I thought LeBrock crushed it. I thought her accent also worked.

• 1:43:15Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 1:43:16Speaker 03

  Um, I think this movie is like, I don't know, five of the most inexplicable scenes of the eighties.

• 1:43:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:43:21Speaker 03

  Like Anthony, Michael Hall talking, like Richard Pryor.

• 1:43:24Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:43:24Speaker 03

  Everything, everything is completely insane, but also very wholesome. Like they don't know what to do with Lisa, but stare at her. I don't know why, the, the one quibble I have, why did they make her as smart as Einstein? Why would you want to do that?

• 1:43:38Speaker 02

  You wouldn't, Craig.

• 1:43:40Speaker 03

  No. Why, like, I know that sounds bad, but like you're 15 years old, like you don't want her to be that smart.

• 1:43:46Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:43:47Speaker 03

  Why Einstein? Smartest person in the world, makes no sense.

• 1:43:50Speaker 02

  That's great.

• 1:43:50Bill Simmons?

  I think they were really ad libbing a lot of that when they were making The Perfect Woman. I think they probably would have done some do-overs.

• 1:43:56Speaker 03

  This movie's

• 1:43:57Bill Simmons?

  That did it again.

• 1:43:58Speaker 03

  This movie's insane. This movie's just out of control eighties, everything about it. It's so goofy to me, but I have to remind myself that like the scarcity of male fantasy content that was available.

• 1:44:08Speaker 02

  But Craig, you must've been like, holy shit. When I'm through all but five minutes of this movie, and I think I've seen it all. And then when Chet turns into the piece of shit frog, what?

• 1:44:17Speaker 03

  That, the movie was like normal kooky eighties until the road warrior people showed up. And then Chet turned into Jabba the Hutt. And I was like, all right. I officially don't know what the fuck's going on.

• 1:44:27Bill Simmons?

  I don't think Hughes did either because he's, they're just trying to, he's just trying to finish it as fast as possible. Because this was how he was allowed to make The Breakfast Club if he also did it. So he's just trying to get through this because he wants to make Pretty in Pink.

• 1:44:40Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, I don't know, why wasn't LeBrock a bigger star? What happened there?

• 1:44:43Speaker 02

  She ran away.

• 1:44:43Bill Simmons?

  She met, she met our guy Segal.

• 1:44:46Speaker 03

  I can't believe she's with Segal. I don't know if that makes me think better of Segal or worse of LeBrock.

• 1:44:50Speaker 02

  Craig, if we could rewind this pod, the part where you had a natural reaction to Kelly LeBrock being married to Steven Segal was my favorite moment. It's unbelievable. You were shocked, bro.

• 1:44:58Speaker 03

  I'm in shock. You're, Kyle, you being like, she's so cool. She's so self-aware.

• 1:45:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:45:03Speaker 03

  I'm like, how is she so self-aware?

• 1:45:04Speaker 02

  I don't know. Married in a long time. I don't know.

• 1:45:07Bill Simmons?

  They even survived when he had the, uh, the no intimacy coordinator scene. What was that, Above the Law?

• 1:45:13Speaker 02

  No, that was Hard to Kill.

• 1:45:15Bill Simmons?

  Hard to Kill?

• 1:45:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:45:17Bill Simmons?

  No, it was, it was, wasn't Hard to Kill.

• 1:45:20Speaker 02

  Hard to Kill is the one she's in with LeBrock.

• 1:45:22Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, but it was, that was the other Steven Seagal movie when he's, when his wife gets shot to death.

• 1:45:27Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:45:29Bill Simmons?

  Was that the same movie?

• 1:45:30Speaker 02

  Before his wife is shot to death, he takes liberties with his, his wife's upper body that I've not seen in movies.

• 1:45:35Bill Simmons?

  That's right.

• 1:45:36Speaker 02

  Yeah. You're not supposed to do that.

• 1:45:37Bill Simmons?

  It's the same movie.

• 1:45:39Speaker 02

  Same movie he's in with his wife. Come on.

• 1:45:40Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, and that's how he went into the coma. Unbelievable. Can you imagine the red carpet premiere with that?

• 1:45:47Speaker 02

  Nope.

• 1:45:48Bill Simmons?

  She's like, I didn't realize you went like this crazy. Anyway, all right. So Craig, you enjoyed it?

• 1:45:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, of course. Like it's, it's.

• 1:45:55Bill Simmons?

  Eighty-eight minutes?

• 1:45:57Speaker 03

  It's remarkable how many memorable moments there are in ninety minutes. Like so many things happen. There are so many scenes that, that just will stick in your brain forever. It's an insane movie. I can't, the eighties are just fucking crazy.

• 1:46:08Speaker 02

  I heard.

• 1:46:09Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, you really missed your call in Craig.

• 1:46:10Speaker 02

  Feeding, uh, feeding images and input into a computer to make the perfect specimen. Bill, is it true that that's how Robert Kraft made Drake May? I, I heard that that's, that's the rumor going around the NFL.

• 1:46:19Speaker 03

  A little bit of Josh Allen, a little bit of, yeah.

• 1:46:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:46:22Bill Simmons?

  We love, Drake May is a hero in New England right now.

• 1:46:25Speaker 02

  You better believe it.

• 1:46:26Bill Simmons?

  Even as his, his wife is doing cooking stuff and all, do you see all the Pats fans?

• 1:46:30Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:46:31Bill Simmons?

  They, uh, they call her the first lady. It's just great. It worked out awesome.

• 1:46:36Speaker 02

  I think.

• 1:46:36Speaker 03

  Huge thumbs up for you.

• 1:46:37Speaker 02

  I think it's, Mr. Kraft is there with the supercomputer. He's got pictures of Brady and Drew Bledsoe and Doug Flutie and little Brian Hoyer's brain and like he just puts them all in and it came out Drake May. It's a beautiful thing.

• 1:46:47Bill Simmons?

  Jason Tatum he threw in there just for that.

• 1:46:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:46:50Speaker 03

  And, and they picked a good name, Drake May. They didn't pick Lisa.

• 1:46:53Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. All right. Thanks to Kyle Brandt. A pleasure as always. Thanks for pushing to do this. Thanks to Craig Horlbeck. Thanks to Gahal. Uh, we'll be back next week with, uh, probably not one from the eighties next week, which I would try to get a little more modern, but, uh, good to see you guys. Thanks.

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