Trust Your Gut: How to Make a Hard Decision

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — In today’s episode, Mel will help you make any decision that you’re facing. Today, she is giving you a masterclass in decision making—the psychology, the science, and the step-by-step framework she personally uses to stop spinning, start moving, and trust your gut. If you're stuck in indecision, overthinking, or afraid of making the wrong choice—this episode is for you. You’ll learn how to: -Trust your intuition (yes, it’s real—and it’s backed by science) -Stop second-guessing yourself -Know when to go with your gut vs. when to slow down and make a plan -Navigate difficult decisions that affect other people (like calling off a wedding or leaving a job) -Handle the emotional aftermath of hard choices -Build the confidence to make any decision—even the scary ones This episode is packed with the tools, insights, and clarity you need to stop avoiding your choices and start creating the life you actually want. You are one decision away from a different life. And chances are you already know exactly what to do, you’re just too afraid to do it. This episode will teach you how to trust your gut and give you the courage to make the hard decision you know deep down you have to make. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-284 Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode. 00:00 Welcome 02:10 The Power of One Decision 07:23 Your Daily Decisions Are More Powerful Than You Think 15:54 How to Use Intuition to Make Better Choices 25:00 When in Doubt Trust Your Gut 33:41 The Science Behind Decision Making 42:14 Have Courage to Trust Your Gut 47:52 There are No Bad Decisions — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Mel Robbins?

  Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

• 0:08Mel Robbins?

  Ooh, I'm so glad you are here because today you and I have a great thing to talk about. We're going to talk about the power of your decisions. And you made a great decision to be here right now. Because if you're tired of overthinking everything, or doubting yourself, or second guessing every move, if you've ever wanted to learn how to trust your gut and your intuition, you're in the right place right now. See, I believe you're one decision away from a different life. And we're going to talk about how to leverage the power of your decisions to create a better life. See, today, I am probably one of the most decisive people you'll ever meet. But I wasn't always this way. The old Mel Robbins, I used to overthink everything. I would second guess myself all the time.

• 0:53Mel Robbins?

  And even when I knew in my gut what I should do, you know, those moments when you just know, I would always second guess myself, or I just wouldn't listen to it. See, I've learned how to be confident as a decision maker. It's a skill. And it's a skill that I'm going to help you learn today. So whether you're struggling with a decision that's pretty big right now, whether you're thinking about ending a relationship, or changing careers, or maybe there's something smaller. You're chronically giving up on yourself because you can never make the decision to go to the gym, or you're constantly hitting the snooze button, which is also a decision, by the way. Whatever decision it is that you need the courage to make,

• 1:34Mel Robbins?

  today, I'm going to give you the same simple framework that I use, especially when I feel conflicted about the decision, or I can't seem to make it. See, we're going to talk about a number of things today. We're going to talk about intuition, what it is, how it works. The science is so fascinating. We're also going to talk about those moments that are different between when you gotta go with your gut versus when do you need to pause and think through how to deal with the decision, especially in those moments when you feel so conflicted. And most importantly, today, you're going to learn how to trust yourself. Our conversation could change the trajectory of your life. Because I'm going to prove to you, you already know exactly what you should be doing.

• 2:19Mel Robbins?

  You've just forgotten how to trust yourself, make the decision, and actually do it.

• 2:34Mel Robbins?

  Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so excited for the topic today. I'm so excited that you're here with me. First of all, it's always such an honor to spend time with you and to be together. And if you're a new listener, I just wanted to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I am so glad you're here. Because you made the time to listen to this particular episode about decision making and intuition, here's what I know about you. I know you're the type of person who not only values your time, but you're also interested in learning how to trust yourself, how to trust your intuition, and how to be more decisive and confident in the decisions that you're making every single day. And I love that.

• 3:18Mel Robbins?

  And if you're listening to this because somebody sent this to you, here's what I want to point out to you. First of all, I think it's really cool that somebody sent this to you because it probably means that you have a big decision that you need to make. And maybe you're grappling with it. Or maybe you're just the kind of person that overthinks everything and you're sick of it and you'd love to be more confident and decisive in your life. Well, that's exactly what you're going to get by listening to this or watching this episode today. You're going to learn about the science of decision making. You're going to learn about intuition. You're going to feel and become more decisive. I want that for you. I love that people in your life care about you enough to send this to you. That is so cool because today I'm going to teach you a very simple framework that I

• 4:03Mel Robbins?

  had to develop for myself in order to stop being so damn indecisive. I know, I know, today I'm probably one of the most decisive people you'll ever meet. But I've learned that is a skill. I've had to learn how to trust my gut, full stop. I wasn't always this way. I mean, being decisive, learning how to trust your intuition, it's a skill. And today I'm going to teach you the tricks, the tools, the frameworks that I've used in order to become more confident in my decisions. And I want to preview for you what we're going to cover today because there are four specific topics. That I've broken this into that are going to truly help you learn how to trust your gut and become more decisive.

• 4:47Mel Robbins?

  So first, we're going to cover the topic of intuition. What is it? How does it work? Why should you trust it? And honestly, I love this topic because the science here is fascinating. And it's also going to help you trust what your gut and intuition is saying when you understand how it works. Second topic we're going to cover is understanding the difference between moments where make the gut decision, follow your intuition, don't even second guess it, versus those moments where you should pause and think through the pros and the cons and the implications of a decision before you just make it. The third topic we're going to cover is moments where you have a decision to make, but you

• 5:31Mel Robbins?

  feel conflicted. I'm talking breakups, leaving jobs, telling the truth, owning up to what you've done wrong. Oh, talk about conflicted. Oh, my gosh. You know, for those moments in life, you need a framework that anchors you and holds your hand and helps you unlock the courage that you're going to need in order to do the right thing and follow through with the decision that you know you need to make. And finally, I'm going to teach you one of the most important things I've ever learned. There are no bad decisions when you understand the power of the decisions that you make.

• 6:11Mel Robbins?

  See, part of making a decision is trusting your ability to handle whatever comes with it. That's why I believe you're one decision away from a better life. Because a decision turns your life in a different direction. And you know this, you've felt the power that a single decision can make in your life. In fact, I want you to think back to some of the decisions that you've made in your life that changed your life and pointed you in a whole new direction. I mean, maybe you decided to go to college far away from where you grew up and that experience completely changed who you are. It changed perhaps where you lived for the rest of your life. That happened to me.

• 6:54Mel Robbins?

  Maybe going to one party on a random Thursday, your gut just said, I should just get out of the house and go. You walked in the door, you met the love of your life. That's a decision that changed your life. Maybe quitting that job that used to drain you. Quitting it, that decision led you to find your dream career. You wouldn't be there without quitting that other job. Maybe going gluten free, or giving up alcohol, or quitting your vaping habit completely changed your health. I mean, every single day, just stop and think about this. You make thousands of decisions. So do I. Some studies estimate that you make up to 35,000 of them. That's kind of incredible, isn't it? Just consider, one decision that you make today

• 7:38Mel Robbins?

  has the potential to change the rest of your life. But when you don't know how to trust yourself, here's what happens. You question every decision. And that can make you stay stuck in the same patterns, in the same place, and around the same types of people for decades. I mean, you're literally putting the potential for your life, that beautiful future that you want to build for yourself on hold when you question the decisions you need to make. So before you and I jump into the four things that you're going to learn today about intuition, and the difference between thinking through a decision, and going with your gut, and what to do when you feel conflicted, I want you to take a moment, and I want you to get selfish.

• 8:23Mel Robbins?

  You're listening to this for a reason. So, think about a decision that you may be grappling with right now. Go ahead. Just think about it. What's a decision that you're overthinking? Or that you're avoiding? Or that you're questioning? Maybe it's whether you should move out of your apartment with your roommates and live on your own for the very first time. Or maybe you're questioning whether or not you should divorce your spouse of 20-plus years.

• 8:56Mel Robbins?

  Maybe you're wondering if now's the time to get a pet now that the kids have moved out of the house, but do you want to be tied down? Is that what you really want? I don't know. Are you questioning whether you should go back to grad school to become a therapist or a nurse because that's what you've always wanted to do? Or maybe you've been thinking about a decision. You really want to put yourself out there in a bigger way by becoming an influencer or starting a YouTube channel, or maybe you want to be using social media, not for your personal life, but to market your business. But when you really think about putting yourself out there, you're like, ah, I don't know. You just start to doubt yourself and next thing you know, you're not doing anything. Really think about this.

• 9:36Mel Robbins?

  What's a decision that you've been really considering and thinking about and questioning and maybe putting off? Are you thinking about moving? Maybe you're frustrated and so you want to get more involved in politics or just be more vocal about your opinion. Have you been thinking about reaching out to someone in your family that you're kind of estranged from or angry with and you've been putting it off? That's a decision to put it off or to pick up the phone. Just really hold on to that because as you and I go through each of the four things that we're going to talk about today, I want you to hold on to this decision and use what you're learning to help you be decisive.

• 10:21Mel Robbins?

  And here's the thing about this topic. I'm so fired up to talk about this and I'm so excited that you're interested in this because learning how to trust yourself, learning how to become more decisive, learning how to assure yourself that no matter what decision that you make, if you have the courage to make a decision, you're going to be okay. Holy cow, this is the key to everything because every decision you make is like this little fork in the road where you get to choose, am I staying the same or am I going to lead myself to a better future? I mean, remember your friend Mel Robbins says, nobody's coming. Every single decision opens the door to a different possibility.

• 11:05Mel Robbins?

  And I want you to really think about the power of every decision you make. I mean, every day you decide, am I gonna wake up an hour earlier like I said I would and get myself to the gym or not? Should I have that cookie at work or not? What movie should I watch tonight? What should I have for dinner? What outfit should I wear to work? What shoes? Now, look, it may seem silly. You're like, oh, for God's sake, Mel, come on. It's not silly at all. Everything, I mean, everything about where you are in your life right now, every aspect of your life is in large part a result of your past decisions. And more importantly, this is what I want you to really consider, who you're going to be in the future. Every aspect of who you become, from how much money you have, to what your relationships

• 11:50Mel Robbins?

  are like, to what your friend groups are like, to what your health is like, how you spend your days, is 100% a result of the decisions you make today. That's how powerful your decisions are. If you want to be the kind of person that's healthy, you need to make decisions that a healthy person makes. If you want to be the kind of person who has a lot of money, starting today, you gotta make the kind of decisions that a person who's financially responsible makes. If you want to be the kind of person that owns their own business, or has a better friend group, or sells their art, starting today, you, through the power of your decisions, can become that person. Every single choice you make has power.

• 12:34Mel Robbins?

  I just love this topic. But here's the thing, though, right now, you're probably like I used to be. You're not even aware of the decisions that you're making. You're just sort of like on autopilot. That's how I was. I was making decisions without even understanding how your brain and your body and your nervous system processes the options that are in front of you all day long. And if you're on autopilot like I used to be, oh, hit the snooze button, just shove this in my mouth, just go to work and complain about my job. Oh, my gosh, what happens is your decisions just run on repeat. And then past decisions dictate your present and future. I'm going to give you an example. Let's say, deep in your gut, you've been saying to yourself, "I gotta quit vaping.

• 13:19Mel Robbins?

  I've just got to quit vaping." Every day, all day long, you actually have a decision to make. Are you gonna just throw that vape out in all the cartridges and go cold turkey? Or are you going to say to yourself, "Well, you know, I've tried to quit before and it's never really worked." And so then you make a decision, "I'm just gonna reach for the vape again and take a puff and I'll do that tomorrow." That's a decision. Anybody who's gotten sober, or ended a relationship, or quit a job, or turned their life around will tell you that one decision will change your life. That's what we're talking about today. Aren't you tired of holding yourself back? Aren't you tired of doubting yourself? Don't you want to be more decisive? Isn't it exhausting to constantly question yourself?

• 14:03Mel Robbins?

  Don't you want to trust your intuition and your gut and know that no matter what, you're gonna be okay? Of course you do. That's why you're listening to this right now. And so, congratulations, because you've already proven you can make great decisions. You press play. You made a decision to find the time to be here today to learn more about how to be more decisive. That's so freaking cool. So whatever it is that you've been putting off or questioning, just keep it front and center as we go, step by step, through the four things that I'm gonna teach you today. And I'm gonna share a little bit with you, just quickly. I have a decision that I'm noodling right now. And it's a big decision about something related to my business.

• 14:45Mel Robbins?

  It seems like a great opportunity, but I don't know that I want to do the opportunity. So I'm right there with you. I've got this thing, I'm at a fork in the road. There are pros, there are cons. I'm questioning, I'm doubting, I'm overthinking. And so, I'm gonna be using this framework too. And I want you to keep your decision right in mind. Be selfish as hell today, okay? Are you breaking up? Are you putting yourself back out there? Are you moving? Are you signing up for that art class? Are you changing your major? Are you going to finally have that conversation? Are you going to dust off your resume and actually do what you said you were going to do? Are you going to go find the funding for your... What are you doing?

• 15:29Mel Robbins?

  Keep it front and center. Because you and I are going to walk through a step-by-step approach that is going to move your life forward and put an end to the standstill that you've trapped yourself in. All right, so let's talk about intuition. For a long time, I didn't actually understand the physiology, the neurology, the science of how your mind, body, nervous system is all connected, and how it is your intuition. It's like this inner compass, this intelligent design that you were born with, that is in place in your body, and that works in such magnificent ways.

• 16:10Mel Robbins?

  And it is there to help you navigate your day-to-day decisions. It is there, just like a GPS, helping you make the right and left turns all day long. And if you understand what your intuition is, what a gut decision is, what it's trying to do, how it's trying to help you, holy cow! Tapping into your intuition as a decision-making tool, it's going to help you stay connected to your big dreams. It's going to help you stay grounded in your values. Those dreams that you have, those kind of things that are pulling you toward a bigger future, those things that you think about that never quite disappear,

• 16:55Mel Robbins?

  they start to act like this future destination that becomes clearer and clearer. And your intuition and your gut is helping you navigate your way to it. Your internal compass, that intuition and gut decision-making that you have within you, it is programmed there for a reason. It uses the exact same scientific principles that explain why a traditional compass works. So for example, a traditional compass has a magnet inside it. And that magnet, what is it doing when it points true north? It's just responding to the magnetic energy of the earth. Your compass, your intuition,

• 17:40Mel Robbins?

  it works the exact same way as a traditional compass. It reads magnetic energy all around you. I want you to stop and think about this. Because when you really tune into your intuition, you can feel it pulling you toward things. And you can also immediately feel it pushing you away from people that have bad energy, right? You've walked into a room and you immediately feel like the vibe is off with somebody, you're like, ooh, avoid that person. You don't even have to talk to them. That's your intuition. That's your internal compass. See, your compass is constantly reading not only your energy, but all of the energy around you

• 18:23Mel Robbins?

  and that is happening in life and with other people. And that compass then pulls in all the energy around you and then attunes it to whether or not it's in alignment with you. That's your true north. Or, whoa, there's a person with really awful energy. Let's cross the street. Your intuition is part of this complex, intelligent design system that I want you to trust. I want you to use it. It has been fashioned by your DNA. It is hardwired in you from your birth. It's been using programming from your life experience, from your gut, from your brain, and from your heart. And all you need to do in order to be more decisive and to start trusting yourself

• 19:07Mel Robbins?

  is to learn how it works and to start paying attention to the signals in your own mind and your own body and your own spirit. Because I'm telling you, the signals are there. And they're there all day long. And this is why I also am going to continue to remind you. You already know the best decision for you. You already know the right thing to do. The problem isn't knowing what to do. It's finding the courage to make yourself do it. And once you really embrace the truth of what intuition is, and you recognize this intelligent system inside you that has been communicating with you since you were born,

• 19:52Mel Robbins?

  you are now going to know what you need to do in any single situation. How freaking cool is that? All of the angst, all the negative energy, all of that resistance and overthinking, it's unnecessary. Because your compass is already telling you that your life is either headed in the wrong direction or it's headed in the right direction. So let's hit pause and give our amazing sponsors a chance to share a few words with you. And while you're listening, share this episode with people that you care about. Anybody in your life that's got a big decision or they overthink everything or they need to learn to trust their gut, this conversation, seriously, it could change your life. All righty, don't go anywhere. I'll be waiting for you after this short break. Stay with me.

• 20:44Mel Robbins?

  Welcome back. It's your buddy Mel Robbins. Today, you and I are digging into the fundamentals about being more decisive, learning how to trust your gut, and being confident in the decisions that you make every day. So let's talk about what does it feel like if you're headed in the wrong direction? When you're headed in the wrong direction in your life, you feel it. You feel stuck, you feel frustrated, you feel sad, you feel disconnected, you feel like you're on autopilot, you feel like things are mundane. That's not how you're supposed to feel in your life. That's why I say feeling stuck is actually a good thing. It's a signal that you're headed in the wrong direction. It's a signal that your compass is going, ding, ding, ding, wake up. You gotta turn towards something new. Ding, ding, ding, you gotta feel alive again.

• 21:28Mel Robbins?

  Ding, ding, ding, this relationship blows. We either gotta work on it or you gotta get out of here. So being stuck, being frustrated, being disconnected, these are all just signs that your life and the way that you're living it is no longer aligned with. Where you're supposed to go. It's a directional signal. Isn't that kind of cool? Doesn't mean you're indicted to stay there. And now that you understand that you are designed to be moving in a direction that feels true north and in alignment for you, it's super cool to tune into this inner compass and GPS system. And I'm going to give you a few examples. And these are what I call you just knew it moments. Have you ever had one of those? Of course you have. It's one of these split second moments

• 22:13Mel Robbins?

  where you just knew it. And you didn't question it. And you turned and leaned toward what your intuition was telling you. You didn't even really think about it. You just knew. For example, you walk into a train car or into a bar. And the first person you lay eyes on, the love of your life. That's what happened to me. It was actually the voice. I was standing at a bar in New York City in 1994 and I was ordering a bourbon on the rocks to go. I wanted the bartender to put it in a plastic cup so I could sneak out of the bar.

• 22:57Mel Robbins?

  And from behind me, I heard, "That sounds great, make it too." And I turned around and laid eyes on Christopher Robbins. I just knew. You know, I've had a couple of these moments in my life where I just knew something was wrong. My intuition, my compass knew before my mind could make sense of it. One example in my life is when our son Oakley was born. He came home from the hospital and everything seemed fine, except for one thing. We couldn't get him to eat. And I just knew something was wrong. And yet, my mind couldn't make sense of it. I literally kept going back to the pediatrician every single day.

• 23:42Mel Robbins?

  Mark, something's wrong. Mark, something's wrong. Mark, something's wrong. I had known him at that point for 11 years. Mark, something's wrong. Something's wrong. I just know it. I just know it. I just know it. We didn't know what was wrong. We didn't know what was wrong. And then, all of a sudden, five days later, boom, the you-know-what hit the fan. And Oakley is being medevac'd downtown to Mass. General Brigham Hospital. And they told us they weren't sure he was gonna make it. It turned out that he had had Hirschsprung's disease, which is an extraordinarily rare disease impacting the intestines. And it had gotten so bad over those six days that he was ready to literally rupture, which would have killed him. He would have died of septic shock.

• 24:26Mel Robbins?

  And I just knew something was wrong, even though we didn't even get that diagnosis for another week or two. I'll give you another example. Day one of my job working for a corporate law firm, 1998, I knew it was the wrong job. I knew it. I absolutely knew it. I felt in my gut like I was dying as I walked into that law firm. Every day. But I couldn't make sense of how to actually change my career. I couldn't make sense in my mind how I was gonna pay my bills. I couldn't make sense of what I was gonna do. I had just gone to law school. I had spent three years being a public defender. I can't change my career now.

• 25:07Mel Robbins?

  So, I'm telling you these examples because these are examples where you didn't need to know. You didn't need to make sense of it. Your intuition knew, because it always knows, because it is uniquely, intelligently designed to align with the truth for you. So now that we've covered intuition, I want to briefly talk about this second topic, which is there are two different ways to make decisions. And there are going to be times in life where just go with your gut and just make the decision immediately, right now. And then there are going to be those times where, even though you know what your gut is saying, and the way that you figure that out is just get quiet, drop out of your head, drop into your body,

• 25:52Mel Robbins?

  and feel what the decision feels like. If you feel yourself dreading it, if you feel yourself depleted, if you feel yourself shrinking and constricted, that's not aligned with you. If you think about the decision and you imagine the possibility of it, and something opens up, you feel slightly energized, even if it scares you a little bit, that's something that's aligned with you. That means it is for you. It feels a certain way. And in order to tease this out, because this gets very confusing, I want to talk about those decisions where you feel very conflicted.

• 26:35Mel Robbins?

  And when you need to use your gut and when you are going to use your head and your thinking skills to act out the decision. Because there's a big difference when you're making a decision between what you need to do versus when and how you're going to do it. And that's what you need to remember when you feel very conflicted about the decision. You're going to use your gut to determine what you need to do. Because as we've just laid out, your intuition is part of your intelligent design. Your intuition, when you quiet your emotions

• 27:20Mel Robbins?

  and you tune into it, is telling you exactly what you need to do.

• 27:26Mel Robbins?

  But that is very different than when you're gonna make the decision and how you're gonna tell people. And that's where you use your brain. Okay? And I'm gonna give you a just agonizing example of what I'm talking about. And it comes from one of your fellow listeners who wrote to me, and I'm gonna read to you the decision that this person needs to make. I write about this in the Let Them Theory book. This is chapter eight, and I love the title of this chapter. Are you ready? "The Right Decision Often Feels Wrong." And that's a really important thing to understand, that there is a difference between the decision

• 28:10Mel Robbins?

  that you need to make and how it's going to feel when you tell people the decision. And learning how to separate the decision-making process, which is what is the right thing for me, from the telling the decision to other people process is critical. Because again, I'm gonna tell you something. You know the right decision. You're just afraid to make it. And you're afraid to make it because you're worried about what other people are gonna think. You're worried about other people's expectations. You're worried about dealing with other people's emotions. That's why decision-making is difficult. That's why you're not trusting your gut.

• 28:54Mel Robbins?

  It's not about the truth. It's about the aftermath of telling the truth. And that's exactly what our listener was talking about. So this listener writes to me, "Mel, I'm engaged and soon to be married. The wedding is a few weeks away, and I know this should be one of the happiest moments of my life, but it's not. The closer we get to the wedding, the more my fiance and I are fighting. I can't stop shaking this feeling of dread. Deep down, I'm afraid I'm making a huge mistake. I don't know what to do. The invitations are out. My parents and hers have already put down the deposits for everything. I don't wanna disappoint my family. I don't want my parents to lose their money.

• 29:38Mel Robbins?

  I don't wanna break my fiance's heart. I don't want her parents and everyone else we know to be mad at me. How do I call this off?" I mean, just reading that question, I mean, can't you feel your heart seize? Of course, it's seizing because when the stakes are that high, the right answer always feels wrong.

• 30:05Mel Robbins?

  I want you to stop and think. If the groom were sitting across from you, what would you tell the groom to do?

• 30:15Mel Robbins?

  He says, "I can't stop shaking this feeling of dread. Deep down, I'm afraid I'm making a huge mistake." Isn't it true that it's so easy to say and to see that on the surface, the answer is actually simple? He should call it off. I mean, if you're dreading the wedding, you're making a mistake. I mean, you know that, I know that. If you can't stop thinking about calling it off, then you should. But here's why decision making is hard.

• 30:45Mel Robbins?

  Even when the right decision seems clear, it doesn't always mean it's an easy decision to make. Why? Well, that's because the human experience is largely an emotional one.

• 30:59Mel Robbins?

  And what seems logical when you drop into your gut and you imagine, because here's how you would use your inner compass, right? I think about these moments where you feel conflicted, like driving through a blinding rainstorm. The GPS is on, but because of the rainstorm, you can't see more than 20 feet ahead of you. But you trust the GPS, don't you? Of course you do. And so you just keep moving forward through the storm. Your emotions are the storm. And what happens for all of us, it happens for me. I mean, my God, the emotion is what has kept me in relationships too long. It's kept me from apologizing or owning up to my behavior. It's kept me from making decisions that work for me

• 31:43Mel Robbins?

  because I'm afraid I'm going to upset other people. Emotions, the storms that you feel as you're following your own GPS, those are going to be there. You have to learn how to navigate through them. See, too often in life, when you're in this kind of dilemma, you choose to inflict pain on yourself instead of making a decision that you know is the right one for you, but it might be painful for other people to accept. I mean, let's be honest with each other. The groom who wrote in, he already knows what he needs to do. See, I think anytime anybody writes and asks for advice on what decision to make, you know what decision you need to make.

• 32:28Mel Robbins?

  You're not actually asking for help making a decision. What you're asking for is courage. You're asking for reassurance. You're asking for help in handling the emotions and the guilt and the dread that you feel, knowing that the decision that you need to make is going to hurt other people, or it's going to turn your life upside down, or it's going to lead to something that could be exciting, but it could also not work. And what I want you to understand is agonizing and questioning a difficult decision like this, that's a mentally healthy response to a difficult situation. There's nothing easy about this situation. Nobody takes pleasure in making a hard decision. I mean, the fact that this guy is worried

• 33:14Mel Robbins?

  about the other people is a sign that he's a really good person. That doesn't mean he should get married to somebody he doesn't want to marry.

• 33:22Mel Robbins?

  And I want to remind you, there are going to be times in your life when people are going to be mad, or disappointed, or heartbroken by the things that you say or do, and the decisions that you make. There just will be. And that's why, understanding that there's a difference between what you need to do, and how and when you do it, that's the art of decision-making. This is a great moment to hit pause and give our sponsors a chance to share a few words. I also want to give you a chance to share this with people that you care about. Being decisive is a skill. Learning how to listen to your intuition is something we all need to do. And sharing this episode with people that you care about could absolutely change the trajectory of their life. So, thank you for taking the time to do that.

• 34:07Mel Robbins?

  Don't go anywhere, we have so much more to talk about. And we're going to jump right back into it after this short break, so stay with me.

• 34:24Mel Robbins?

  Welcome back. It's your buddy Mel Robbins. I'm so thrilled you are still here, listening and learning about the skill of decision-making. As I always say, you are one decision away from a different life. And taking the time to share this with somebody that you care about is a decision that you made that will change someone else's life. So, thank you for doing that. Now, one thing I want to say about the difference between decisions where you're just gonna go for it and trust your gut, and those decisions where you're gonna hit the pause button, you're gonna travel upstairs, and you're gonna use your brain to make a plan, is that this is super important. And the reason why this is important is because there's a lot of research about how your emotions impact your decision-making in really negative ways.

• 35:08Mel Robbins?

  You know, I'm looking at some studies here that I wanted to talk to you about. There's very interesting research from neuroscientists, of course, about the various parts of the brain that you use and the different ways that people make decisions. But that gets so complicated that I'm just trying to boil it down for you in simple terms so you can actually walk away from this conversation and apply everything you're learning. And so, if you look at what we've discussed so far, which is why you should trust your intuition and your intelligent design in gut decision-making, it is important for you to understand that you have to settle your emotions first. Because what's interesting is that there's very, very clear research that your brain

• 35:53Mel Robbins?

  weighs your emotional state when it's weighing whether or not a decision is a good one or bad one. And this is important to understand because when you're stressed out or fearful, research shows you just choose the path of least resistance. You do what you've always done. You avoid the decision. And you and I have both done that. How many times have you put off quitting a job, or having the conversation, or heck, even going to the gym because you feel sad, or you feel too stressed out to go? That's an example of how your emotions are impacting decisions in the moment. It's helpful for me to think about the fact that I know the truth of what I need to do in my gut. My emotions have a point of view about whether or not I feel like doing it.

• 36:37Mel Robbins?

  We're just gonna ignore that. And you can ladder up to your brain to help you make a plan. And I want to remind you... Making no decision is a decision. Because you're deciding to stay exactly where you are and ignore what your intuition is telling you. You're deciding to accept less than you deserve and delay making the changes that will bring you happiness and more satisfaction in your life. Those are decisions. And you need to wake up and recognize that you're making them. Just imagine yourself a year from now. You're in the marriage. You're in the job. You still live in the same place. You haven't moved mom to the nursing home. You are still paying for your adult kid,

• 37:22Mel Robbins?

  even though nothing's changed and you resent him for it. When you close your eyes and you drop into your gut and you really read the navigation. If I point myself toward a future where I do nothing. Oh my God, how do you feel? If you feel your chest tighten, if you feel dread, if you feel your energy drain, oh my God. Do not go in that direction. Do not get married. Do not avoid the decision with your mom in a nursing home. Do not stay in med school. Do not avoid applying for nursing school this go around. Because a year from now, you know that your chest is tightening and you feel depleted if you're not in school.

• 38:06Mel Robbins?

  And then point yourself in the other direction a year from now. If you're not married. If you dropped out of medical school. If you are at nursing school. If you stop financing your adult kid's life and they got their act together. How do you feel now? If you started that YouTube channel today? If you started marketing your business? If you ended the... How do you feel now? And if you all of a sudden feel things open up and you feel expansion and you feel a little bit of energy, even if it scares you. That is true north.

• 38:42Mel Robbins?

  That's what aligns with you. That's what you need to do. Now, we travel upstairs as the gut chit chats to the brain, and we ask ourselves, okay, I know what I need to do. When is the right time to make this decision? How is the right way to communicate this decision and to whom? And then you make a plan, and that's what you use your brain for. See, in life, the most courageous, honorable, and kind thing to do is to tell someone when you realize you don't want to be with them. It's hard, to be honest, especially when it's going to hurt other people. You know, the let them theory has really helped me change this in myself. I used to either avoid conversations or over explain everything, or like overthink things, or delay the decisions I needed to make because I was afraid someone would get upset with me,

• 39:27Mel Robbins?

  or they think I was a bad person. And all it did was create more anxiety for me. Learning to let them be upset, let them be confused by your decision, let them react to your decision. Don't be afraid of what people are going to think when you make the right decision for you. This has been all life altering. And I promise you, you're going to experience that power too. I don't think you have a problem knowing what you need to do. I think you have a problem doing what you need to do. Because you feel a ton of conflict about how someone else is going to feel about it. And when you realize that you can navigate those kinds of storms by following your GPS and then using your brain

• 40:11Mel Robbins?

  to figure out the best way to communicate the decision, the best timing and the most responsible timing to do it, like quitting your job, don't just do that immediately. You need to use your brain to make a plan and make sure you have enough money and that you don't put yourself in a precarious situation. But you can know three to six months before you leave a job that you're actually leaving it. That's what you do with your intuition. What you do with your brain is to create a really smart plan to actually execute against it in a responsible and empowering way. See, the only conflict that you're gonna feel, now that you understand the power of how to make the right decision, is that you're gonna feel conflict internally about how your decision impacts other people and how they're gonna react.

• 40:55Mel Robbins?

  This is why you stay in a marriage for a decade when you know you want it to end. This is why people stay in jobs for too long. It's why people pick majors and career paths and then stay in them because they're afraid of making a decision that is gonna cause someone else to feel something. And if you understand that emotions are a normal part of your life, you're gonna feel them, other adults are going to feel the ups and downs, you can be more courageous. I don't want you making decisions with your emotions. I want you to make decisions based on the truth of your intuition, what feels aligned with you and the vision that you have for your life and the magnetic energy that pulls you towards it. And I want you to use your brain to make a plan

• 41:40Mel Robbins?

  for how to execute the decision in the most responsible and powerful way. When you do that, you will be one of the most decisive and powerful and unstoppable people on the fricking planet. That's how you use this science. And none of this is easy. I mean, there are plenty of decisions that have been difficult for me to make in my life that I've delayed six months, a year, two months. Heck, when our son wanted to move to southern Vermont, my husband and our son moved up here for a year. I didn't go. I knew eventually that I would, but I wasn't ready. The when and the how for me took almost a year. And that's okay.

• 42:21Mel Robbins?

  And so there are gonna be decisions that you make immediately when this episode is over. And then there are gonna be those decisions that you're like, "I know that what Mel's saying is right and I know what my gut is telling me." And perhaps for the first time in my life, I understand why I need to trust it and I also am gonna take a little pressure off because this is the kind of decision that needs some planning. And that's what I'm gonna use my brain to do. And when you understand decision-making in this context, that there's a difference between what you need to do and how and when you do it, now you can leverage the full capacity of your gut, your heart, and your mind. To align your life with what's meant for you, no matter how hard it is.

• 43:05Mel Robbins?

  And that brings me to the final point. I think one of the biggest obstacles to being more decisive in life is this fear that you're going to make the wrong decision. What if you trusted yourself enough to be able to handle the fallout of any decision that you made?

• 43:26Mel Robbins?

  What if, instead of fearing that you're going to make the wrong decision, you accepted the science of how intuition and how your internal GPS is helping you navigate? And you started to tune into what you know to be true? And you just separated the truth from how and when you plan and you execute those decisions. You take a little bit of the pressure off, but you really triple down on the truth. Because it's easy to say, I don't know how to trust my gut. I don't know how to listen to my intuition. I don't think that's true. I think you know exactly what your intuition is telling you. You just ignore it. And our conversation today is an invitation

• 44:10Mel Robbins?

  to really change the way you even talk about that. I know exactly what my intuition is telling me. I know exactly what my gut is telling me to do. I know exactly what the decision is. I'm just afraid to make it. I know exactly what I should do. I know when things feel off. I can read the energy of things. I know when I'm at a job or in a relationship or in a friend group or living in a place where it just starts to feel off, and I know I need to trust it. I'm working on how quickly I pivot and execute on that truth. When you look at decision making that way, that it's all just data, that what you can sense is what's true for you,

• 44:54Mel Robbins?

  and that even if you make a decision to get married or to change your careers or to move or to take on a new hobby or do whatever it is that you're going to do, when you make that decision and you truly believe that this is the right decision in the moment, it's never going to be the wrong decision if you also say, no matter what, I trust in my ability to handle what comes next. Like, let's just take the example of me and the job.

• 45:24Mel Robbins?

  When I made the decision to get that job, it felt like the right decision because I needed to pay my bills. And this was the first job offer that I had gotten when we had moved from New York City to Boston in 1998. So I was thrilled. It was the right decision because I needed to pay my bills. But when I walked into that office for the very first day in that high-rise on High Street in downtown Boston, I knew in my gut, oh, boy, not the place for me. Do you see the power in telling yourself that there are no wrong decisions because every decision leads you somewhere else? I needed the money, and I also knew that I wasn't going to stay there for the rest

• 46:09Mel Robbins?

  of my life. And that's the directional signal that I needed for my internal navigation system, my intuition, my gut, to help me recognize I'm at a fork in the road. And for me personally, I sat at that fork for another year. That's okay. And then I executed the plan to change my career entirely. So was that a wrong decision? Was it a bad decision? Did I fail? I don't think so. Just like a lot of the decisions that you've made, whether it's decisions to stay too long in a relationship, decisions not to change your marriage, decisions to move, to not move, all of those things are just data. Maybe you're the kind of person that has needed a lot of pain and frustration and

• 46:52Mel Robbins?

  struggle to finally wake the hell up and recognize that it's a lot easier to listen to what your gut is telling you than to ignore it. So all of those things that you think you may be screwed up, maybe it just led you right here? It led you and gave you exactly what you needed so that you could listen to this podcast episode today and say, you know what? Mel's right. I do know what's right for me. I do know what my gut is telling me, and what I'm going to work on is the courage to trust it, to not only trust the decision, but to trust in myself and my ability to move through whatever happens when I make it. When you look at decision-making that way, you're not only going to be able to trust

• 47:34Mel Robbins?

  yourself faster and quicker and be more decisive, you're going to feel more confident because you're going to know whatever comes in the wake of that decision, you, my friend, are going to be okay. In fact, this conversation today, it's made me decide I'm gonna do this thing. I've been thinking about it and thinking about it and writing out the pros and cons on paper and talking to people and weighing it, not weighing it, stressing out about it. But based on everything we've talked about, it's pretty easy for me to cut through the negativity and the emotion and the fear and see that I actually do want to do this thing. And even if it doesn't work, I feel confident that I'm gonna be proud of myself,

• 48:15Mel Robbins?

  that I actually made the decision and I did it. I hope our conversation gave you the clarity and the tools and the frameworks that you need to cut through the emotion, to drop into your intelligent design, to figure out what the right next move is for you, and then recognize that there's so much value in traveling up to your brain and making a plan for how you're gonna execute this decision, when it's gonna become a reality. When you do that, I promise you, there are absolutely no bad decisions. Because you are aligning what you do with what is true for you.

• 48:58Mel Robbins?

  And only you know what the right thing is for you because you now know that you're gonna feel it. Alrighty, I can't wait to hear what you do with this and what decisions you make. And in case no one else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you. And I believe in your power to create a better life, for real. Because now you know how to be more decisive, how to trust your gut, how to follow your intuition, and how to unlock the courage to move your life in the direction that is meant for you. I'll see you in the very next episode. I'll be waiting to welcome you in the moment you hit play.

• 49:44Mel Robbins?

  Okay, great. Here we go. Okay, great. All right, ready? The one thing that I didn't do, now that I understand the intuition, is I didn't... I... The one thing I... Okay, I was... Oh, I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. Okay, here we go. We should put a piece of tape. Yeah. It's gonna swivel. Oh, baby, I love the swivel. Okay, excuse me. Sorry. Uh, let me just look for my pen. I just wanna read this real quick, so I know where I'm going. Hmm, sorry, guys. Oh, my God, this is so good. Oh, my God, it's so true. Okay, great. Great, great, great. Okay, great. See, I actually hate the term "make a gut decision", because... Hold on a second. There we go.

• 50:27Mel Robbins?

  You're welcome. All right, let's eat something real quick. Thank you, guys.

• 50:35Mel Robbins?

  Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.