A Garbage Christmas Miracle!

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for our annual Christmas episode! It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Cash App: Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/li0uni5h Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement. Promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that if they're good to be naughty... Yeah. Or if they're just a big ol' piece of trash. Ho, ho, ho! I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day, Christmas Day, here at Aunt Tootie's. Uh-huh. She unfortunately had a little too much Christmas cheer last night, so we gave

• 0:45H. Foley?

  her a Liquid IV and a Midol. She's gonna be asleep until about dinnertime. Okay. So by the time the beef Wellington's done, she'll be out. Okay. Make sure you get that beef Wellington, by the way. I got you. My co-host is coming at you from across the table, our very own Santa Claus around here, the international businessman himself, new dad, Tippy of the Year, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  What up, gang? Shout out to you, as always, thanks for tuning in. Thanks for a wonderful year, by the way. Happy holidays, everybody.

• 1:13H. Foley?

  Can't thank all the bozos and the homies.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  Uh...

• 1:16H. Foley?

  Enough.

• 1:16Speaker 01

  If... Okay. You're really taking the legs out for my thank you, sorry. Guy who could've thanked him, but didn't, I thanked him, he cut me out. Um, classic H. Foley, wouldn't want it any other way than to...

• 1:29H. Foley?

  Bug me and back.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  Um, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube, also full video available, uh, over there on Spotify, baby.

• 1:38H. Foley?

  Whoa!

• 1:39Speaker 01

  Middle of the charts.

• 1:40H. Foley?

  Middle of the charts.

• 1:40Speaker 01

  How you doing?

• 1:41H. Foley?

  It's cool.

• 1:41Speaker 01

  Season's greetings, and then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. Go over there, you get all that holiday cheer, gang.

• 1:49H. Foley?

  That's right, and it wouldn't be a family Christmas episode if we didn't take a little stop by the corner office...

• 1:54Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:55H. Foley?

  Who's doubled up at occupancy.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  Haha!

• 1:58H. Foley?

  We got our good pal, new guy Luke, and Mr. Ryan Diesel, head of operations.

• 2:03Speaker 02

  Hey, gang.

• 2:03H. Foley?

  Hey, boys!

• 2:04Speaker 02

  Head Director of Operations, right here next to me, going over the numbers, loving it, great Q4.

• 2:10H. Foley?

  Good job, boys. Good to see ya. Diesel, you wanna say hi?

• 2:14Speaker 03

  I did. Hey, everybody.

• 2:16H. Foley?

  Smooth as butter, that kid. That's why we love him. Gang, we're here for- Call him 80 grit. Gang, we're here for our Christmas episode. We can't wish everybody,

• 2:26H. Foley?

  enough Happy Christmas wishes to everyone. We love you very much.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  Are you on the fritz or something?

• 2:30H. Foley?

  What are you talking about? What a nice time. I'm waiting for my prezis.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  Sure. Do you like my, I went, my, this is last year's, this is last year's jacket.

• 2:39H. Foley?

  Crazy.

• 2:39Speaker 01

  It's real big. It didn't button last year. And now I went with the sleeves. I feel like, uh...

• 2:44H. Foley?

  Don Johnson.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  Christmas Seinfeld.

• 2:47H. Foley?

  Or Steve Buscemi-

• 2:49Speaker 01

  What's the deal with Jews? No, I'm kidding.

• 2:52H. Foley?

  Steve Buscemi in, uh, Sopranos when he got out of prison.

• 2:55Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 2:55H. Foley?

  Remember he was wearing the old thing?

• 2:56Speaker 01

  I remember, yeah. Hey, Sopranos reference.

• 2:59H. Foley?

  You ever seen that?

• 2:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, wow, okay.

• 3:01H. Foley?

  You know what I was thinking about today? I thought it would- It's a Christmas miracle, gang. We made it two and a half minutes. I thought it would make a really sharp tweet, but I'm not a tweet guy. I don't, I'm not, I'm not a writer. You know what I mean? I don't work the tweets, like, for the X. That's what the kids call it now. And I usually go there for my, uh, two-minute films.

• 3:18Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 3:19H. Foley?

  Let's see what's going on down south.

• 3:25H. Foley?

  It's gonna be a sad day one day when people don't get Godfather references. That would've been my tweet. Think that'd went viral? Punch it up and throw it up there. Whatever you wanna do, it's fine. Can we get to the presents? Think we're gonna pass?

• 3:40Speaker 01

  Sure, yeah, we can, we can get to the presents. So, um, as, uh, as you know, we've, if you've been following the show since the beginning, or have gone back and watched the, the Christmas episodes, the Christmas episodes have been a very, um, kinda thermometer of the year and our lives at that point.

• 3:59H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 4:00H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 4:00Speaker 01

  The first year, I remember, we bought all, I bought everybody's gift at the CVS. I think it was like, you got a pack of Matchbox Cars and-

• 4:09H. Foley?

  I still have that dental floss.

• 4:10Speaker 01

  Some candy or something like that. Cock ring?

• 4:13H. Foley?

  Some candy?

• 4:14Speaker 01

  Um...

• 4:15H. Foley?

  Do they sell them there?

• 4:16Speaker 01

  I do. It gets... I don't know if you ever...

• 4:17H. Foley?

  Really?

• 4:18Speaker 01

  I was like looking for the Lotrimin or something like that. I made the wrong turn, ended up in fucking Adam and Eve land.

• 4:24H. Foley?

  I've been very curious about this whole butt plug wave that's going on these days.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 4:29H. Foley?

  Not for my side. It's interesting.

• 4:31Speaker 01

  You mean not for yourself? You can't be very curious and then go, "Not for myself."

• 4:34H. Foley?

  It's interesting.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 4:36H. Foley?

  Sometimes bros are wearing it to dinner and stuff like that.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 4:38H. Foley?

  You know?

• 4:39Speaker 01

  Is that why you're on the fridge right now? You got something.

• 4:42H. Foley?

  Damn it! Diesel! I said medium!

• 4:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're pressing... Christmas came early for the big man.

• 4:49H. Foley?

  Adam and Eve, next day delivery.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  Oh, she came rectally.

• 4:53H. Foley?

  He hit that prostate. I don't know what you want from me.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  Sure, of course. Um, so this year, um, we've decided, you know, we did the thing where, um... We've spent a lot of money. We've done this, we've done this, we've done...

• 5:06H. Foley?

  That sounds like a dad about to cancel Christmas.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Listen, this, I felt very dad. I felt, I felt it this year. I did my shopping for you guys this morning, cursing the whole way. Nothing's wrapped, and you're lucky you get what you got.

• 5:22H. Foley?

  Straight C report card and...

• 5:23Speaker 01

  That's right. I mean, all fucking ungrateful bastards, everybody breaking my fucking stuff.

• 5:27H. Foley?

  That's awesome.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  I'm the only guy going to work every day. Uh, it was, I just, I finally felt...

• 5:35Speaker 01

  Like...

• 5:37Speaker 01

  I've, it's come full circle. I'm on the other side of all of those Christmases I had. Where you're just like, it's just like, dude...

• 5:44H. Foley?

  What are you doing?

• 5:45Speaker 01

  If I was still in the heaters right now, you guys'd be opening it up. I'd look like Mel Gibson with the heaters on.

• 5:51H. Foley?

  Wasn't that on Oprah?

• 5:52Speaker 01

  Uh, I don't know what that was on.

• 5:53H. Foley?

  Um, what do you think you're getting this year from the fam?

• 5:57Speaker 01

  From my family?

• 5:58H. Foley?

  Socks, ties, shit like that?

• 6:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, probably nothing, man. We've been, you know, he's teething. We haven't had a minute to fucking, to, to think about nothing, so I don't know.

• 6:09H. Foley?

  But you're probably gonna get something from your wife that says, "From Lil Kipperino."

• 6:12Speaker 01

  Probably, I would assume so, or maybe nothing, or maybe it's like the printout of something going, this is what we were gonna get you. I don't fucking know, I just gotta, get me to fucking 2026, let me get out of this fucking, shake the cobwebs loose. Um, that being said, we each picked a store that represents us to buy the gifts for the rest of the, the rest of the family members, right? So mine is King of the Burbs. All my gifts were purchased at Home Depot.

• 6:39H. Foley?

  Love it.

• 6:39Speaker 01

  Which, we'll get into it as we start breaking at the Home Depot. It's just the place to be.

• 6:45H. Foley?

  You think so?

• 6:46Speaker 01

  It really is. It really is. I'm a Target man as well, that might shift to Home Depot, cause Home Depot's got a lot of the, the home stuff that Target also has.

• 6:55H. Foley?

  Yes, but then you got lumber.

• 6:57Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying, you get all the good stuff, you get all the heavy duty stuff.

• 7:00H. Foley?

  I have to say this, I'm not a homeowner, okay? Um, I don't have a family.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  Alright, somebody got in an egg noggin real quick. That, someone went dark with the henny.

• 7:14H. Foley?

  I know you guys are all mad at me. I guess I'm gonna be the bad guy in this one.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 7:20H. Foley?

  Flipped the table. Um, out of all the department stores, now you know that I'm a sucker for walking in Bloomingdale's and I, I get, you don't like it, but I get the ladies perfume counter, I like that. Takes me back, especially around this time of the year. No other department store, or store, big box store, what they, we call it, you know, businessmen call it. Nothing smells better than a Home Depot.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 7:42H. Foley?

  That wood, that wood smell.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  Which I was a little upset.

• 7:45H. Foley?

  Fresh cut wood.

• 7:46Speaker 01

  I went to the one in, or, you know, I went to the one on 23rd Street.

• 7:49H. Foley?

  Ah, that's a rip.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  It's close, but not the same, they got, there's nothing better.

• 7:54H. Foley?

  It's like an old bank.

• 7:54Speaker 01

  Than walking into the big one, yeah, you're out back, you smell fertilizer, I ain't got no fertilizer at that fucking place, goddamn, you know, explosive restrictions.

• 8:02H. Foley?

  Good AYG question would be, when you walk into a Home Depot, do you walk through the main door? Or do you walk through the gardening section?

• 8:07Speaker 01

  That's funny, no way.

• 8:09H. Foley?

  I always walk through there, grab a little fertilizer, pop 'em in.

• 8:13Speaker 01

  Styrofoam in there, never got that.

• 8:15H. Foley?

  Is that what that is?

• 8:16Speaker 01

  No.

• 8:17H. Foley?

  The white stuff?

• 8:17Speaker 01

  I don't think so.

• 8:18H. Foley?

  I always thought it was Folgers Crystals.

• 8:20Speaker 01

  Refolters crystals white?

• 8:22H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  I've never seen them.

• 8:23H. Foley?

  Really?

• 8:24Speaker 01

  That had aged out by the time we, you know. That was 80's shit. I'm a 90's guy.

• 8:29H. Foley?

  Those cancer lawsuits came quick.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  Sure. Settlements swept it under the rug. Keep it moving. Christmas came early for a couple of guys. Um, alright, so let's get into it. Wanna do Diesel first?

• 8:40H. Foley?

  Let's do the Dees.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  Diesel, come on over.

• 8:43H. Foley?

  So you had Home Depot.

• 8:44Speaker 01

  I bought all my gifts at Home Depot.

• 8:45H. Foley?

  Luke classy guy that he is has Nordstrom. Which if you don't know Nordstrom, it's like a nicer Bloomingdale's or whatever? Macy's? Maybe on the same park?

• 8:54Speaker 01

  It's a little high. I think it's higher than Macy's, lower than Blooming's? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I didn't go to a Bloomingdale's for, till I was in my 20s. I don't know. I don't know enough about them. It's nice. A higher end.

• 9:06H. Foley?

  Right.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  Classy guy. Higher end, uh, department.

• 9:10H. Foley?

  Department store. And Diesel, you at what? Tony DiDonopoly, the family style Italian restaurant on 61st Street?

• 9:15Speaker 03

  William Sonoma.

• 9:16H. Foley?

  Whoa, I know him.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  Very nice. Very.

• 9:20H. Foley?

  I know his brother, Steven.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  Gary. Uh, okay, so Diesel, come on over.

• 9:24H. Foley?

  And I got Toys R Us.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  And, and I'm sorry, Big Man had Toys R Us. Big Man got everybody toys. Something to represent themselves, you know what I mean?

• 9:32H. Foley?

  When I was in Toys R Us, which I went to Macy's in Herald Square, I was getting wrapped and she goes, "So how old are they?" And I'm like, "How old's who?" He was like, "The toys."

• 9:42Speaker 01

  Uh, for my bald, fat friends. We do a podcast.

• 9:45H. Foley?

  These are all for grown men. Dees, give me a high five. Merry Christmas, pal. Merry Christmas, boys. First of all, thank you for a fantastic year.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  And also you don't get an on-camera appearance fee, by the way. Everybody got their Christmas bonuses. That's how you know we're doing well. It went in a wire. I didn't have to take out cash this year.

• 10:03H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 10:03Speaker 01

  That's how you know things are changing.

• 10:05H. Foley?

  Yeah, it was pretty good.

• 10:06Speaker 01

  Um, so how do you want to do it? Do you want him to give his first?

• 10:09H. Foley?

  Whatever you want to do. I'm down for whatever.

• 10:11Speaker 01

  You, let's do yours and then we'll give you ours. So you open yours. These are all, these are, this is from the, from the gift-giving brain of Ryan D.

• 10:19H. Foley?

  Ryan D.

• 10:20Speaker 03

  So Kippy will be first?

• 10:21H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 10:22Speaker 03

  Kippy is not an easy purchase because he's a man.

• 10:26H. Foley?

  Lovely wrapping.

• 10:27Speaker 03

  Who, if he needs something, he'll buy.

• 10:28Speaker 01

  I've seen the crumpled up receipts in it. It's a Wawa receipt. I see sizzling. I can smell a sizzling from a mile away.

• 10:38H. Foley?

  The spoon was used to make a sauce this morning.

• 10:41Speaker 03

  Now, Kippy, if you were cooking something at home, what would that be? Let's say it's summertime, it's a nice day outside. What are you doing?

• 10:47H. Foley?

  Probably his latest insults for me.

• 10:49Speaker 01

  Hey, someone.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  Someone's getting a personal. Um, if I was cooking something, it might be a pizza?

• 10:59H. Foley?

  Scrambies?

• 11:00Speaker 03

  It might be a pizza.

• 11:01Speaker 01

  Uh huh, it might be a pizza. It might be a pizza.

• 11:05Speaker 03

  What would you need to be cooking?

• 11:06Speaker 01

  I don't like, you're making, you're giving me a lot of pressure of guessing right.

• 11:10H. Foley?

  Weird vibes.

• 11:11Speaker 03

  Oh, that's beautiful.

• 11:14Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 11:15H. Foley?

  And it's crumpled, so what was that, 20% off?

• 11:17Speaker 01

  I just came from the as-is bin.

• 11:21H. Foley?

  It's a square pizza cutter?

• 11:23Speaker 01

  It's a pair of socks.

• 11:26H. Foley?

  One's black, one's blue.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  Oh, very nice. You got your olive wood pizza tool gift set. Bake and serve artisan pizzas like a pro, like I do, with our specialized tool designed in-house for the ultimate performance. Each features a contoured handle crafted of sustainability harvested olive wood. Is olive wood nice?

• 11:45Speaker 03

  Olive wood is very nice.

• 11:46H. Foley?

  Is it really?

• 11:47Speaker 03

  Yes, it is.

• 11:48Speaker 01

  Do you know it?

• 11:48Speaker 03

  I do.

• 11:49H. Foley?

  So they get the olives and they cut down the tree?

• 11:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:52H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  Start by rolling the dough docker.

• 11:56Speaker 03

  Oh, I see that thing.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  Across your shaped pizza. This creates indentations that prevent air bubbles, ensuring uniformly flat, crispy crust. For easy slicing, our pizza wheel feature, I don't have a good pizza wheel, so this is great. Uh, stainless steel blade with a razor sharp edge. Uh, keep that away from Henry. The server has triangular stainless steel blade that slides neatly under freshly baked slice, making it easy to transfer pizza from pan or peel to your plate. Very nice, Ryan. Thank you very much.

• 12:27Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 12:27H. Foley?

  Can I just ask you this? I'm not taking shots. Why is it dented?

• 12:31Speaker 03

  Why is it dented?

• 12:32Speaker 01

  Some would say, "It's al dente."

• 12:35H. Foley?

  Al broken.

• 12:36Speaker 01

  Trav, it mean, where ya at?

• 12:39Speaker 01

  That's very nice, thank you very much.

• 12:40H. Foley?

  That's nice, buddy.

• 12:41Speaker 03

  Now that you mention it, it does look crumpled.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  No, it looks like you bought it off a homeless guy.

• 12:47H. Foley?

  Was hanging out of a trench coat two minutes ago.

• 12:50Speaker 01

  Talk to William Ensign O'Malley. Yeah, that's pretty fucked up, but I respect it.

• 12:54Speaker 03

  In addition, we have some pizza accessories.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  There's more accessories than those three? I thought the three accessories was a stretch. I've been eating pizza my whole life, I never had accessories. Okay?

• 13:04H. Foley?

  That was a gabagool. Half eaten.

• 13:09H. Foley?

  Half eaten.

• 13:10Speaker 01

  Ohhh.

• 13:12H. Foley?

  Seasoned olive oil.

• 13:13Speaker 01

  Herb pizza oil, extra virgin, just like Henry. Uh, brighten up your pizzas with a drizzle of our savory oil enhanced with garlic, Italian herbs, and a hint of red chilies.

• 13:23H. Foley?

  Holy shit.

• 13:24Speaker 01

  Very nice, already open.

• 13:26H. Foley?

  And a little mustache hair.

• 13:29H. Foley?

  That's lovely, Diesel.

• 13:31Speaker 01

  Very nice, and I assume this is a nice jar of sauce.

• 13:34H. Foley?

  Oh, boy!

• 13:35Speaker 01

  I would assume. There you go. Very nice, Pizza Sauce makes three 12-inch pizzas. I like a nice saucy bitch, so I might, this might go over two zaws.

• 13:46H. Foley?

  Big Joe Gambino's pasta sauce.

• 13:48Speaker 01

  A product of Italy, they're charging more for this now.

• 13:51H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  That's very nice, thank you very much, Ryan.

• 13:53H. Foley?

  That's lovely, Dees.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  Now you do, do the big man.

• 13:55H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 13:56Speaker 03

  Now, big man.

• 13:57H. Foley?

  Hey, let me take a swig of this drink before I...

• 14:00Speaker 01

  Probably backhand someone.

• 14:06H. Foley?

  What do you got, babe?

• 14:08Speaker 03

  Now, you're not particularly known for a salad, but if you were...

• 14:11H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 14:11Speaker 03

  Might be a Caesar.

• 14:13H. Foley?

  You know it would be a Caesar, big guy. I've split many a Caesar's with you. Not from prying eyes, of these two dickheads.

• 14:20Speaker 01

  You two splitting Caesar's, getting two Caesars, sharing a fork.

• 14:25Speaker 01

  Splitting a Caesar's.

• 14:26H. Foley?

  We do!

• 14:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:27H. Foley?

  Well, I tell you what, when me and Diesel go out to dinner together, we do very well. Nobody busting our balls or asking questions. Get many Caesar's as we want.

• 14:39Speaker 03

  If you were eating a Caesar at home, making it yourself...

• 14:42H. Foley?

  Just give me the salad, will ya? I got the entrees coming. If I was making a Caesar salad at home?

• 14:50Speaker 03

  What would you put it in?

• 14:51H. Foley?

  I'd, well...

• 14:52Speaker 03

  In a perfect world.

• 14:53Speaker 01

  The bathtub.

• 14:56Speaker 01

  Is it me, or is that a big salad?

• 15:01Speaker 01

  You're eating with those wall utensils?

• 15:05H. Foley?

  That's a lot of dressing. I would do it all the way. I'd go to whole schmear.

• 15:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, and we're back.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  Pugs Man's making a list of people that don't like him.

• 15:17H. Foley?

  Whoa!

• 15:18Speaker 01

  Look at that!

• 15:20H. Foley?

  That's sick!

• 15:20Speaker 01

  They could put a lot of potato chips in there.

• 15:24H. Foley?

  I could watch two movies with this.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  That's gonna hold a lot of Cool Ranch Doritos.

• 15:30H. Foley?

  Cereal bowl, thank you.

• 15:36H. Foley?

  Did you get this Vietnam?

• 15:37Speaker 01

  I know, that looks like he came in from Africa.

• 15:42Speaker 01

  Did you buy that at the port?

• 15:44H. Foley?

  If a lemur jumps out of here, I'm gonna be really upset.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  Why does it look so foreign? That's the stuff you see in movies. That's what they pull like fucking, fucking nuclear warheads out of and stuff.

• 15:55H. Foley?

  You went all the way to Mogadishu to get this? I got it, I got it. Oh wow, Diesel, that is gorgeous.

• 16:01Speaker 01

  Still not open. You're like my Aunt Patty. Look at this! It's still in the box.

• 16:09Speaker 01

  Don't be doing that. That's a little...

• 16:13Speaker 01

  My Uncle Star might have a flashback.

• 16:18Speaker 01

  Easy does it. Uncle Larry's a fan of the program.

• 16:21H. Foley?

  He's setting booby traps around his show.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  Uncle Larry just speared the TV.

• 16:28Speaker 01

  I'm gonna have to buy him a new TV.

• 16:30H. Foley?

  He's setting claymores around the living room. Diesel, this is goddamn gorgeous. Look at that.

• 16:36Speaker 01

  That's very nice. Can I get a hands on that?

• 16:38H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 16:39Speaker 01

  Ooh, that's heavy too.

• 16:41H. Foley?

  That's a nice Caesar salad bowl. So what I would do is, I did it once, um, on a plate. But you put the anchovies in there, the egg yolk, and you smoosh it up, and the garlic, and you do it nice. And then you put the olive oil and the lemon in there, and the Parmesan cheese, then you put the salad on top.

• 16:58Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 16:58H. Foley?

  And then you mix it up. What do you mix it up with? My hands.

• 17:03H. Foley?

  What?

• 17:11Speaker 01

  These are nice.

• 17:14Speaker 01

  That's, that's rich guy, that's rich mom shit. That's what that is. Turns you into a rich lady. Look at you.

• 17:19H. Foley?

  Low budget Wolverine, huh? Hey bub. This is beautiful, huh?

• 17:24Speaker 01

  That's very nice.

• 17:25H. Foley?

  I feel like, uh, that Gia, uh, what's her name? What's the broad's name?

• 17:29Speaker 01

  From one of your videos?

• 17:32H. Foley?

  It's Dakota Tyler, okay? That will respect. Um...

• 17:36Speaker 02

  Who? Baked by Melissa?

• 17:37H. Foley?

  De Laurentiis.

• 17:38Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 17:38H. Foley?

  Yeah. Parmigiana. I'm more of a fucking barefoot Contessa man. I love that, um, what's her name? Lady in the Hamptons.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, you love her.

• 17:46H. Foley?

  You know what I'm talking about? E- E- Eina Gartner.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:49H. Foley?

  Love her. Just waiting that Jeff out, whatever his name is. And I'm making a move next summer. This is beautiful. Thank you, buddy. Give me a hug. I love you. Ah, so sweet.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  I love you, buddy.

• 18:00H. Foley?

  Thank you, pal.

• 18:00Speaker 01

  Merry Christmas to you and your family. And then what do you get for Lukey?

• 18:04Speaker 03

  Now, Luke had his holiday party not so long ago.

• 18:07Speaker 02

  He did?

• 18:08H. Foley?

  He did. Is that the one that I was invited then uninvited to?

• 18:13Speaker 02

  Indeed.

• 18:15Speaker 03

  Now, I believe that he actually could have used this then, but hopefully again.

• 18:19H. Foley?

  Are you returning the plate that you took to Brownies home in?

• 18:22Speaker 02

  Oh, these!

• 18:24Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 18:24H. Foley?

  Whoa, cheese cutting board. Or cheese cutting utensils.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  It's, it's wild. I have a very small set of those, like the little like baby ones.

• 18:32H. Foley?

  How do you do that?

• 18:33Speaker 01

  I don't know, but they're, they're, they work so well for what, it's like one of those tools where you're like, I wish there was some, and then you have, you go, this makes everything easier.

• 18:41H. Foley?

  Diesel, you did great.

• 18:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, the home run.

• 18:44H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 18:49H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  The stone and wood combo.

• 18:51H. Foley?

  Now, what's that all about with the stone?

• 18:53Speaker 01

  Very nice. Meat and cheeses.

• 18:56H. Foley?

  No shit.

• 18:56Speaker 01

  Maybe, I don't know.

• 18:57Speaker 02

  That makes sense.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  But you're not supposed to put meat on it because the oil stick in there and then...

• 19:00H. Foley?

  Wow, yeah. That's very nice.

• 19:03Speaker 02

  The lady's gonna love this. Thank you, Diesel.

• 19:05H. Foley?

  Beautiful.

• 19:06Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 19:06Speaker 02

  It is great.

• 19:07H. Foley?

  Great job.

• 19:08Speaker 01

  Also, look at Luke's fucking Mr. Rogers sweater he's got going on. Who the fuck's this guy think he is? All of a sudden I get money, it goes to his head?

• 19:14H. Foley?

  What, do you want a Noah Baumbach movie?

• 19:15Speaker 01

  Rat bastard.

• 19:17H. Foley?

  Nothing on the Noah Bondak? Kip Cash App!

• 19:19Speaker 01

  Cash App, Cash App, Cash App.

• 19:20H. Foley?

  Cash App, Cash App, Cash App, gang. It's the holiday season of finding the perfect gift. Sometimes can be easy, but you gotta be careful. Not every deal is actually what it seems.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 19:30H. Foley?

  You got a lot of scammers out there.

• 19:32Speaker 01

  Boo.

• 19:32H. Foley?

  A lot of grifters, a lot of scumbags trying to rip you off. That's why you use Cash App. So you know it's safe, you know it's secure, and everything gets to where it's supposed to go at the right time.

• 19:41Speaker 01

  Yes, uh, scammers are getting more creative trying to trick people into sharing payment info through methods like fake shopping sites and giveaways that are too good to be true. Luckily, Cash App's 24/7 fraud monitoring helps detect and alert you for unusual card activity. Should someone gain access to your card, and you can act as fast if something seems off. You can also lock or unlock your Cash App card instantly right in the app for extra control and peace of mind. Stay one step ahead of the scams this season and keep your money secure with Cash App, baby. Who don't love Cash App?

• 20:14H. Foley?

  Love it.

• 20:14Speaker 01

  They got your back. The Cash App card, they got your friggin' back. For a limited time only, new Cash App customers can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash. For realsies, just download the Cash App, use our exclusive referral code SECURE10 in your profile, and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. That's all you gotta do, and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply. That's money, that's Cash App. Cash App is a financial service platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Promotions provided by Cash App, a blocking brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. I'm back to the show.

• 20:54H. Foley?

  Back to the show. Kip, let's talk about Chime.

• 20:56Speaker 01

  Chime!

• 20:57H. Foley?

  As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.

• 21:00Speaker 01

  You ain't lying, big man.

• 21:01H. Foley?

  Things start adding up.

• 21:02Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 21:02H. Foley?

  You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking, make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right, watch out for bank fees, all that kinda stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish, I could go back and say, "Hey, I wish I had Chime."

• 21:17Speaker 01

  I know. Listen, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, and listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is. Then you got these- Big corporate banks coming after you.

• 21:29H. Foley?

  Overdraft fees.

• 21:30Speaker 01

  Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, not it. Oh, oh, five, five dollars for this, ten dollars for that. They got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to $200 fee-free. Look at that. I know, I need that, dog. Uh, right now, you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage. That's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now, it only takes a few minutes.

• 22:11H. Foley?

  Do it.

• 22:12Speaker 04

  Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime Card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details.

• 22:24Speaker 01

  Um, okay. Great job, Diesel.

• 22:27H. Foley?

  Yep.

• 22:27Speaker 01

  Um...

• 22:28H. Foley?

  Let's give Diesel his gifts.

• 22:29Speaker 01

  Why don't you go first?

• 22:31H. Foley?

  You want me to go first?

• 22:32Speaker 01

  I just said that, yeah.

• 22:35H. Foley?

  It's like mommy and daddy are gonna be fighting after this. Listen, I know you like...

• 22:40Speaker 01

  It was a bad year.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  You know I love you, right?

• 22:45H. Foley?

  Thanks for everything, huh?

• 22:48Speaker 01

  It's a salad bowl. How you keep the tongs up? You're scratching your ass with them. Oh, man. No, listen, for the listener, if Foley ever offers you a salad with them things, do not use them. Those, those two, those two paws have been in his grundle and under his ballsack. Holy shit, D.

• 23:07H. Foley?

  Call that plow in the field.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  Holy, oh, man, that, those things.

• 23:11H. Foley?

  You, you, you're, you're a big alien guy, as we both are.

• 23:15Speaker 01

  Me too, by the way.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  And we're back.

• 23:21H. Foley?

  You love, uh, you know, astronomy and all that kinda stuff.

• 23:26H. Foley?

  So I figured next year...

• 23:28Speaker 01

  Skateboards.

• 23:30H. Foley?

  When you're out there in, uh, where do you go? Martha's Island, Martha's Vineyards? Cape Cod. There you go, Cape Cod. That's, that, that's for Cape Cod. This is really nice. Yeah. Yeah. Kippy, uh, he's spared no expense.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  He spent a lot of money.

• 23:45H. Foley?

  It's a two-house family, two-income family household. There you go.

• 23:50Speaker 01

  Nice rap job, too. Yours was Toys R Us.

• 23:54H. Foley?

  Yeah, Macy's.

• 23:55Speaker 01

  They do it in Macy's.

• 23:56H. Foley?

  I had a great experience.

• 23:58Speaker 03

  Whoa!

• 23:59Speaker 01

  Telescope with tripod.

• 24:01Speaker 03

  Very cool!

• 24:02H. Foley?

  Now, here's the thing. You can't track stars with it, but when you look at the moon in that thing, you can see an alien base or two if they're up there.

• 24:09Speaker 03

  This is very cool.

• 24:11H. Foley?

  It's a good one.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  Also, if your neighbor's in the shower.

• 24:18H. Foley?

  Mrs. Trang forgot to close the blinds, huh?

• 24:21Speaker 01

  Mrs. Trang? What the hell can it?

• 24:24H. Foley?

  It lives in Chinatown.

• 24:25Speaker 01

  He does it.

• 24:28H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 24:29Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 24:30Speaker 03

  This is a great kid.

• 24:31H. Foley?

  Tell me, do you have one?

• 24:32Speaker 03

  No, but when I was younger, I had it on like a wishlist and I never got one.

• 24:36H. Foley?

  Ladykiller.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  I had one and I kept seeing my eyelashes. Bothered the shit out of me.

• 24:41H. Foley?

  What the fuck?

• 24:42Speaker 01

  Holy shit. I could never get locked in on nothing. My dad didn't know how to focus it. I was like, this thing stinks.

• 24:50H. Foley?

  You follow the instructions. I think there's an app that you can go on it with, that'll show you like where the position of the stars is, if there's something going on like Jupiter is in retrograde, wherever the fuck it is. But looking at-

• 25:01Speaker 01

  Or they're having a party or something.

• 25:02H. Foley?

  Looking at the moon is, it's crazy. It's crazy the detail.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  It's all AI. You can do that on an iPhone. They got fucking knocked for that already.

• 25:14Speaker 03

  I'm really excited to play with this.

• 25:15H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 25:16Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 25:16Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 25:17H. Foley?

  You're welcome, buddy.

• 25:18Speaker 03

  This is awesome.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  And then Luke, you want to give him his?

• 25:21Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah.

• 25:25H. Foley?

  Are we allowed to sing Christmas songs in here or will you get flagged?

• 25:27Speaker 01

  I don't think you're that good.

• 25:31Speaker 01

  From Nordstrom.

• 25:32H. Foley?

  Whoa, look at that!

• 25:33Speaker 01

  Looks like it's from the ladies department.

• 25:35H. Foley?

  Sexy pair of pants.

• 25:37Speaker 02

  A director of operations-

• 25:38Speaker 01

  Whoa! That looks expensive.

• 25:42H. Foley?

  What the fuck?

• 25:43Speaker 01

  I fucking hate this.

• 25:44H. Foley?

  What am I gonna be telling you to get a nice watch?

• 25:46Speaker 01

  Is that a Timex?

• 25:47Speaker 03

  Whoa!

• 25:49H. Foley?

  That's nice.

• 25:50Speaker 01

  I might have this exact watch.

• 25:53H. Foley?

  Let's see.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Ohhh, that's an operator watch. Let's show it to the camera, look at that, hit that.

• 26:01H. Foley?

  Good job Luke.

• 26:02Speaker 01

  That's beautiful. Thank you Luke. Very classy.

• 26:05H. Foley?

  Me and you now, we go to dinner, we got nice watches on, looking like gentlemen.

• 26:08Speaker 01

  Luke knows how to buy rich guy shit.

• 26:10H. Foley?

  Of course he does.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 26:12H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 26:12Speaker 01

  I was also, I was handcuffed to buy my stuff at a hardware store by the way. So everybody better put their expectations on a curve, and I hope you like my results.

• 26:21H. Foley?

  He also invested 20 grand for you in the next fire festival.

• 26:24Speaker 01

  Shout out to Billy.

• 26:27Speaker 02

  Fire Billy, shout out.

• 26:28H. Foley?

  That's beautiful.

• 26:29Speaker 01

  Even the pillow's nice.

• 26:30H. Foley?

  That's nice. Put your nuts on that, you taking a nap.

• 26:36H. Foley?

  That big old ag on there.

• 26:38Speaker 02

  I had all the customer service people, they were like, I didn't even know this one was here. Found a little bit of a deal.

• 26:44Speaker 01

  Wow, very nice. Now, let's ask, what's that go for? Cause we were kinda loosey goosey on a price.

• 26:50H. Foley?

  What is it? 100?

• 26:52Speaker 01

  I'll keep the price tag on here. What'd it go for?

• 26:54Speaker 02

  So Diesel was my most expensive gift. It was a bit of a jam up. I knew he wanted the watch.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  I'm just curious as what you'll spend without running a bias.

• 27:03Speaker 02

  200 though.

• 27:04Speaker 01

  Wow, okay. I respect, that's not, we said around 200 if it, that was like, let's stay around 100. 2 if it really makes sense and, and very meaningful.

• 27:15H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 27:16Speaker 01

  I love that, good for you. Thank you so much. This is such a cool one. Everything's coming up Diesel. Look at that.

• 27:22H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 27:24Speaker 01

  Alright Diesel, I got you.

• 27:25H. Foley?

  I'll give him his wood pellets.

• 27:29Speaker 01

  I hope, I hope you like blue shop rags.

• 27:35Speaker 01

  I got you an air filter guy.

• 27:37H. Foley?

  Ooh, degreaser.

• 27:40Speaker 01

  For that hairy ears, you fucking, dirty Italian.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  Take your pants, will you?

• 27:49H. Foley?

  The dawn wasn't getting it out. You're like a duck in the gulf.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  Um, the reusable shopping tote does not come with it.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  I will need to wrap my wife's present, so I will need this back, okay? Alright, I ran some ideas by ya. Cause you are, listen, Ryan is a craftsman, you're a woodworker, you're, you have your own workshop, you build stuff.

• 28:15H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  You're an inventor, an artist of some kind, all, you know.

• 28:19H. Foley?

  Sorry about the gremlins.

• 28:20Speaker 01

  Bit of a bad employee.

• 28:24Speaker 01

  So, I really wanted to make sure that I got you something that was very useful and that you would find, you know what I mean, that, that... I think Diesel's making out the best this whole foot this day.

• 28:34H. Foley?

  I'm keeping my mouth shut about it.

• 28:36Speaker 01

  So here you go. And there's a little bit of a story behind it. There you go.

• 28:41H. Foley?

  It's broken.

• 28:47Speaker 01

  So...

• 28:47H. Foley?

  Whoa!

• 28:49Speaker 01

  Ladies and gentlemen.

• 28:50H. Foley?

  This is huge.

• 28:51Speaker 01

  It's, and listen, I'd like to thank the good folks at Home Depot.

• 28:54H. Foley?

  Why?

• 28:55Speaker 01

  Cause, alright, so get, take out the tool first.

• 28:58H. Foley?

  I didn't even see the tool.

• 28:59Speaker 01

  Yeah. That's bigger than the one you wanted, by the way.

• 29:01H. Foley?

  This is...

• 29:02Speaker 01

  This is expensive stuff.

• 29:04H. Foley?

  This is a good Christmas.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, very good Christmas.

• 29:06H. Foley?

  This is really good.

• 29:07Speaker 01

  Not a dildo, relax.

• 29:09H. Foley?

  What's that, a sander? We got a jigsaw.

• 29:12Speaker 01

  Jigsaw?

• 29:13H. Foley?

  We got a DeWalt. Jigsaw.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  The Walt Jigsaw, right?

• 29:16H. Foley?

  Let's play a game.

• 29:18Speaker 01

  Me and Foley are naked chained up.

• 29:23Speaker 01

  Foley, Foley's like, "I think there's a cellphone in my ass." There's not.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  Trying to get me to go digging.

• 29:33Speaker 01

  So you wanted a smaller one than that. I think, cause they didn't have it.

• 29:38H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 29:38Speaker 01

  You wanted one for $1.29. I said, "That's right in the price we're looking." And I'm the kinda guy that'll spend money and then throw it in your face.

• 29:45H. Foley?

  That's what I like.

• 29:45Speaker 01

  Right?

• 29:46H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 29:46Speaker 01

  So this one was $2.49. I said, "You know what, good kid, really needs it." You know, uh...

• 29:55Speaker 01

  I'll, I'll do it. Plus, I was in a fucking, we were recording in about 45 minutes. I had to, I had to get some, I can't leave empty handed. And I'm a DeWalt man, I, you know, I'm not gonna-

• 30:03H. Foley?

  Hey, you really got that Christmas spirit.

• 30:05Speaker 01

  I'm not gonna get you-

• 30:06H. Foley?

  Cutting stark.

• 30:06Speaker 01

  I'm not, I'm not gonna get you a Ryobi, you know what I mean?

• 30:11Speaker 01

  I could use this tonight. There you go. And then we'll check the other bag.

• 30:14H. Foley?

  What are you getting up to on Christmas night?

• 30:19Speaker 01

  There you go. Fresh. The double fresh battery pack.

• 30:23H. Foley?

  Oh, there you go.

• 30:24Speaker 01

  The big boys. You want, you wanna hear something good?

• 30:26H. Foley?

  Does that go with everything?

• 30:27Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 30:27H. Foley?

  Really?

• 30:28Speaker 01

  You wanna hear something nice, right? So I go, you know what? $2.49, kid's worth it.

• 30:32H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  I'll do that.

• 30:33H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 30:34Speaker 01

  Gentleman helps you. You're in New York, so you can't just be grabbing the stuff. It's all chained up. He goes, I gotta take this up to, I'll take this up to, uh-

• 30:43H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 30:44Speaker 01

  Cash register number two for you.

• 30:46H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 30:46Speaker 01

  You can pick it up there. I go, thank you very much. I appreciate your help. Nice guy. I'm walking around looking at other stuff for people. He finds me, six aisles over. He goes, hey, can, do you mind following me? I thought he caught me stealing Foley's present. I said, I was gonna pay for it.

• 31:03Speaker 01

  He follows, so then he, he takes me over to this, this, this area and he goes, there's a wall of the wall specials they're doing. He goes, we're still running a Black Friday special. Right? The tool you have is $2.49. But these batteries, you buy the batteries for $1.99.

• 31:19H. Foley?

  If you stick them down your ass crack.

• 31:22Speaker 01

  If you buy the batteries for $1.99, you get the tool for free.

• 31:27H. Foley?

  What? How you do it? Are you kidding me?

• 31:30Speaker 01

  I swear to God. This guy didn't have to do that. Tracked me down, found me, and goes, I'll meet you upstairs in 10 minutes. I'll, I'll, we can, I go, Buddy, you, you saved fucking Christmas. I'm forever a Home Depot guy.

• 31:43H. Foley?

  Wow. How long'd you have to suck his dick for?

• 31:46Speaker 01

  I did that for free. Christmas.

• 31:47H. Foley?

  So this was free?

• 31:48Speaker 01

  That was free.

• 31:49H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 31:49Speaker 01

  And the thing is, he goes, I need two new batteries. He, he goes, he goes, I need two new DeWalt batteries. Or the, or that, he gave me, first of all, I go, hey, man, what do you need? He sent me direct links to the stuff and then goes, I can pick it up tonight if these are approved. That's what this fucking guy did.

• 32:05H. Foley?

  So listen, here, you wanna think dirtball Christmas. You got two new batteries, you take this back, then you're sitting on $2.50K. Then I gotta make this Caesar salad. We go to Tony D's and get fucking lit.

• 32:17Speaker 01

  One time, is that their family style?

• 32:19H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  I didn't, I didn't necessarily realize that. I ordered calamari. They dumped half the fucking Pacific Ocean on me. I said, "It's me and two other guys."

• 32:27H. Foley?

  I said, "Miss, miss, miss, I'm gonna need more marinara."

• 32:32Speaker 01

  Dude, the bowl of marinara they gave me was the size of your salad bowl.

• 32:35H. Foley?

  A small? Very nice.

• 32:38Speaker 03

  This is a huge Christmas.

• 32:39H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  I love you, buddy. Great job.

• 32:42Speaker 03

  These are, these are great gifts.

• 32:44H. Foley?

  Thank you so much. For your, for all your work and your wonderful gifts. This is beautiful.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 32:48Speaker 03

  Thank you so much.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  Very good.

• 32:49Speaker 03

  And thank you to the fans.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  Of course. Oh, there you go.

• 32:52H. Foley?

  Whoever moves into my apartment, I'm gonna love that.

• 32:54Speaker 01

  Your headphones are on, by the way.

• 32:58H. Foley?

  Thank you, buddy.

• 32:58Speaker 01

  There you go. Alright, let's, um, let's do patouki.

• 33:02H. Foley?

  Luke, get your skinny ass over here, you little brat.

• 33:08Speaker 01

  Um, alright, let me go first on Lukey.

• 33:12H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 33:16H. Foley?

  Good kid, nice kid. What do you got, something after this?

• 33:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:20H. Foley?

  Are you going out?

• 33:22Speaker 01

  Nice little holiday party.

• 33:23H. Foley?

  You do? Another one?

• 33:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're not.

• 33:24H. Foley?

  Can I go to this?

• 33:25Speaker 01

  Nah.

• 33:26H. Foley?

  Why?

• 33:27Speaker 01

  Too cool.

• 33:28H. Foley?

  Come on. You're for fucking.

• 33:30Speaker 01

  This is a goddamn mess.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 33:36Speaker 01

  Like I said, I'm a little hand, Luke doesn't shop at Home Depot. People of Luke's ilk.

• 33:41H. Foley?

  Have you ever been to Home Depot?

• 33:42Speaker 01

  Just to get light bulbs. Wants to hire daily workers.

• 33:47Speaker 01

  He needed someone to resurface the pool.

• 33:50H. Foley?

  Didn't want to pay union.

• 33:52Speaker 01

  Scab. Um.

• 33:55H. Foley?

  Got the rat out in front of his house.

• 33:57Speaker 01

  So, I, I don't know, I don't know what to buy this fucking, fucking bougie ass rich kid.

• 34:03H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 34:03Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 34:06Speaker 01

  I think for what they had to offer, this is as luxury as I could get.

• 34:11H. Foley?

  It's not center court, front seat Knicks tickets.

• 34:14Speaker 01

  No, and I didn't know this existed, and I might have to buy one for myself. That's how I, listen, this is one of those gifts.

• 34:23Speaker 01

  If it works, I think you're gonna use it all the time. It probably doesn't work, you know what I mean?

• 34:28H. Foley?

  If it doesn't work?

• 34:29Speaker 01

  No, like it works, but I just don't think like the, you know,

• 34:33Speaker 01

  the, it's not super practical for the idea, whatever.

• 34:36H. Foley?

  Let's see it.

• 34:36Speaker 01

  Alright, so it's gonna, the second I move this, it's gonna give it away.

• 34:41Speaker 01

  But, it's a

• 34:42H. Foley?

  What's that?

• 34:43Speaker 01

  Tow warmer.

• 34:44H. Foley?

  Whoa!

• 34:45Speaker 01

  Luxury towel warmer for your bathroom.

• 34:47H. Foley?

  Nah, they do work.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  Do they? I've never seen them.

• 34:50H. Foley?

  That's nice.

• 34:51Speaker 02

  I think this is gonna be a big hit.

• 34:53Speaker 01

  That could be a big hit. Cold, cold New York winter?

• 34:57H. Foley?

  Look, there's Luke and the older lady, the older ladies he's into.

• 35:01Speaker 01

  His nanny. I mean, he kinda is an older lady. You hear that, mom?

• 35:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, there you go. That's not bad, right?

• 35:08H. Foley?

  That's great.

• 35:09Speaker 02

  That's perfect.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  That's a pretty good swing.

• 35:11H. Foley?

  That's great.

• 35:11Speaker 02

  The girl's been freezing at the apartment.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  Oh, it does everything. It's just a warmer. It does bath towels, bathrooms, blankets, and PJs.

• 35:17H. Foley?

  And Hot Pockets.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  That's a great, who invented this? Kramer?

• 35:22H. Foley?

  And you can do it all while you're in the shower.

• 35:23Speaker 02

  I love this. Thank you so much.

• 35:25Speaker 01

  I was literally the only thing in Home Depot that would've even piqued your interest at all.

• 35:30H. Foley?

  What do you got, rich kid at home? Yeah, I got a rich kid.

• 35:32Speaker 01

  I have 14, that's where the rich kid stuff is. It's just a wall of heat. He's probably already got five of them, but you know. Yeah, there you go.

• 35:40Speaker 02

  Wow, thank you. Love it.

• 35:42Speaker 01

  I love you. Great job.

• 35:43Speaker 02

  Love it.

• 35:43H. Foley?

  We love you, pal.

• 35:44Speaker 02

  Thank you, boys.

• 35:45Speaker 01

  Of course. Oh, shit. They're ever doing a program here.

• 35:52H. Foley?

  Now, I know, listen, before you open it, I know you're traveling.

• 35:56Speaker 02

  Yup.

• 35:56H. Foley?

  You know, so it's, I got small ones, if you wanna take them with you and do them, see if I'm gonna open and play with on Christmas Eve.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  Let's go!

• 36:07H. Foley?

  That's the Lego F1 series.

• 36:09Speaker 02

  This is very cool.

• 36:10H. Foley?

  Cause how do you play with them? So you got one, two, and three there.

• 36:13Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  Very cool.

• 36:15H. Foley?

  And I didn't know the teams, you know what I mean, but um, I know you're like, who's the kid that you like the, oh, the other thing that I got you?

• 36:22Speaker 02

  Uh, the Mercedes team, but we got, I mean, I love these.

• 36:25Speaker 01

  You got Max?

• 36:26Speaker 02

  We got Max, we got Verstappen, we got, uh, Fernando.

• 36:30H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 36:31Speaker 02

  We got Pierre Gasly.

• 36:32H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 36:33H. Foley?

  Are they all on the same team?

• 36:35Speaker 02

  No, they're all different teams.

• 36:36H. Foley?

  Perfect, so you can race them.

• 36:37Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 36:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, cause if they were on the same team, they couldn't race, obviously, due to federal restrictions.

• 36:42Speaker 02

  I love it. Thank you. I needed some Legos, and yeah, this is a great, this is-

• 36:47H. Foley?

  Love you kid.

• 36:48Speaker 01

  Love you guys. Good shit. Love you guys. Great job. Another good year in the books.

• 36:54H. Foley?

  Do me a favor, clean some of this shit up before you go upstairs and disappear for the rest of the day.

• 36:57Speaker 01

  No smoking weed in the house, dude, I can smell it.

• 37:00H. Foley?

  Cody's putting out dinner at 5, don't be late. And you're not going out tonight.

• 37:06Speaker 01

  Now you give yours. I forgot I get more gifts.

• 37:09H. Foley?

  Oh yeah.

• 37:09Speaker 01

  Ain't them.

• 37:10H. Foley?

  Luke didn't give us anything. Where you going? You're moving the chair? Oh, what'd you get us?

• 37:17Speaker 01

  Where are you from, Nordstrom? Listen, I like...

• 37:20H. Foley?

  Oh, that's right.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  I liked... Listen, best gift you could've got me, I'm gonna spoil it.

• 37:25H. Foley?

  Lingerie.

• 37:25Speaker 01

  Something I can give my wife. Cause I didn't buy her shit yet.

• 37:30H. Foley?

  You got herd, the wolf.

• 37:32Speaker 01

  Babe, it's just what you wanted, a miter saw.

• 37:35H. Foley?

  Throw that miter in your doing.

• 37:37Speaker 02

  Alright, we'll do Foley first.

• 37:38H. Foley?

  Why you kneeling? Why'd you take the chair?

• 37:40Speaker 02

  I don't know, I like it though.

• 37:41H. Foley?

  Okay. Thank you buddy. Beautiful wrapping. Nordstrom, very nice. Probably not gonna fit.

• 37:50H. Foley?

  Let's see.

• 37:51Speaker 02

  That's why I got this one.

• 37:52H. Foley?

  Oooh.

• 37:54Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 37:54H. Foley?

  An Uggs scarf.

• 37:56Speaker 01

  A very nice butterscotch scarf.

• 37:59H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  Bringing back actor filet.

• 38:02H. Foley?

  Perfect time.

• 38:03Speaker 01

  I know. Very nice.

• 38:05H. Foley?

  Impossible to deal with. Diesel, my sunglasses, and something for my throat.

• 38:11Speaker 01

  Seamen.

• 38:12H. Foley?

  This is beautiful.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 38:14Speaker 02

  I thought you'd like it.

• 38:14H. Foley?

  I love it.

• 38:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:15H. Foley?

  I know somebody that has one of these and I admire her style very much.

• 38:20Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 38:20H. Foley?

  Sydney Sweeney.

• 38:22Speaker 01

  Her style.

• 38:23Speaker 02

  Now you gotta wait a... Now you gotta a little... Way to get in.

• 38:26Speaker 01

  There you go, that's how I...

• 38:27H. Foley?

  Line!

• 38:28Speaker 02

  Well, yeah.

• 38:29H. Foley?

  Line!

• 38:29Speaker 01

  Looks like you're... Looks like you've been in a car accident, but... I'd go... I'd go... I'd go...

• 38:36H. Foley?

  Your honor, I was at a Christmas party with my friends.

• 38:38Speaker 01

  It's a tough color. Uh, it's a...

• 38:41H. Foley?

  Beautiful, thank you.

• 38:41Speaker 01

  No, I'm saying a tough color, it looks like a neck brace. Yes. Very nice, Lucas.

• 38:45H. Foley?

  Beautiful.

• 38:46Speaker 02

  And then, for the man who has it all...

• 38:48Speaker 01

  I ain't... Brian, I got shit. I got headaches.

• 38:52Speaker 02

  What do you get?

• 38:53Speaker 01

  I got back taxes.

• 38:54H. Foley?

  Am I in there? That's beautiful, thanks buddy.

• 38:58Speaker 02

  Of course, love ya.

• 38:59Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  Now, a guy, he likes to unwind.

• 39:03H. Foley?

  He does like to unwind.

• 39:04Speaker 02

  He likes to unwind.

• 39:05Speaker 01

  Brian looks over, you do like to unwind.

• 39:08H. Foley?

  Usually takes about 6 weeks to do it.

• 39:12H. Foley?

  Means you're wound up tight and you're an asshole. What the fuck?

• 39:17Speaker 03

  We're having a nice Christmas, Henry.

• 39:19H. Foley?

  He's gotta self sabotage, you know what I mean? I pushed people away because I was abandoned as a child.

• 39:26Speaker 03

  He's about to get abandoned as an adult.

• 39:28H. Foley?

  Sounds like what? He says you're about to get abandoned as an adult. About to get a red Baron, huh? A little pizza in there. Because we're all walking. Kayak searches and compares hundreds of travel sites. But unless I repeat the word kayak, Kayak thinks you won't remember that. So Kayak asked me to say kayak as many times as possible. Kayak.

• 39:47Speaker 03

  Kayak. Kayak. Kayak.

• 39:49H. Foley?

  Kayak, kayak, kayak.

• 39:50Speaker 02

  Kayak.

• 39:51H. Foley?

  Search and compare travel deals with Kayak. Got that right.

• 39:55Speaker 02

  There's a bit of a kit here.

• 39:57Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  A few, a few different gifts.

• 39:59Speaker 01

  That's what I like. A project.

• 40:02H. Foley?

  There we go.

• 40:03Speaker 01

  Is there an order I should be opening these?

• 40:05Speaker 02

  Nah, just go for it.

• 40:06Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 40:07H. Foley?

  Hope it's bath salts to chill you out.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  Oh, it is. A bath salt. A bath from Bathorym.

• 40:14Speaker 02

  Whole little bath kit in there.

• 40:15Speaker 01

  As you know, I like a tubby time. Very nice. Smells great.

• 40:21H. Foley?

  Good job, Luke.

• 40:22Speaker 01

  This is great. Lucas?

• 40:24H. Foley?

  You didn't do this today, did you?

• 40:27Speaker 02

  About 11 a.m.

• 40:28Speaker 01

  Because I was getting the alerts that he was taking an Uber on the company account. So I knew when he was getting picked, I took one there. You didn't need to take one there. They could have taken a subway and then taken one home. But he took one there.

• 40:40H. Foley?

  It's the holiday.

• 40:42Speaker 01

  I went, I literally saw it. I went, oh, because I get a text. Oh, you better believe I'm leaving.

• 40:46H. Foley?

  I don't like that, by the way.

• 40:47Speaker 01

  What?

• 40:48H. Foley?

  You get a text when I'm doing my business out there.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  I didn't get a, oh, man. He smells like hot guy.

• 40:55Speaker 01

  Oh, it does. It smells like.

• 40:58Speaker 01

  It smells like a Uber Black.

• 41:00H. Foley?

  Brad Pitt's asshole.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  Is that a lot? It's not a little.

• 41:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's all like kind of different stuff.

• 41:09Speaker 01

  You got the snooze bomb? Call that a fully set.

• 41:16Speaker 01

  I just play some, I play some of the dailies and I take a nap.

• 41:22H. Foley?

  Some of the tooties that didn't work.

• 41:26Speaker 01

  The Body Soaps Sent Discovery Set Lotion Bar Trio. I used my-

• 41:31H. Foley?

  Boothed those.

• 41:32Speaker 01

  I used my last piece of soap today. That's pretty good.

• 41:35H. Foley?

  Really? Did you flush it down the toilet?

• 41:37Speaker 01

  No, it literally like-

• 41:40Speaker 01

  It disappeared in my hand. It might be in my taint. I don't know. Let me get, let me get those fucking serving claws.

• 41:46H. Foley?

  I've done that before.

• 41:48Speaker 01

  Very nice. Thank you buddy. I got one more in here. Yeah.

• 41:53Speaker 01

  That's great. Oak Essentials, the Perfecting Body Scrub.

• 41:57H. Foley?

  Ooh.

• 41:58Speaker 01

  Oh buddy, tonight's gonna be a good night. I ain't putting the baby and the wife to bed. Getting a garage beer. Taking care of myself.

• 42:08H. Foley?

  Little me time.

• 42:10Speaker 01

  Thank you very much.

• 42:11H. Foley?

  That's great, Lou. Great job, pal. We love you.

• 42:14Speaker 01

  Love you, buddy.

• 42:15H. Foley?

  Give me a hug. Come here.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  Gimme a hug. Come here.

• 42:19H. Foley?

  My stepson.

• 42:23H. Foley?

  You need some money for school?

• 42:25Speaker 01

  Can I have some money for school? Coming to see ya. Oh, look at that. Okay. Listen. Best Christmas yet.

• 42:33H. Foley?

  Now who's left? Just me and you.

• 42:36Speaker 01

  Right?

• 42:38H. Foley?

  Um... I got two for you technically.

• 42:42Speaker 01

  I, I-

• 42:45Speaker 01

  I pulled the H Foley. I went up, yeah, I got three for him. Hell, you know.

• 42:49H. Foley?

  Thank you.

• 42:51Speaker 01

  The one's still in the other room.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  I hope you can drive stick.

• 42:58H. Foley?

  1983 Chevy Spectra.

• 43:00Speaker 01

  Needs a little body work. Okay.

• 43:03H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  Um... I'll do, you wanna go first?

• 43:07H. Foley?

  I'll go first. This one is for, uh, the little bambino, the little kipperino. This is from all of us. This is from, from me and the boys and the whole staff. Just a little Christmas present. Um... I think I got the sizes. I got it at DXL.

• 43:21Speaker 01

  How long you been writing that one?

• 43:23H. Foley?

  About 25 minutes.

• 43:27Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 43:28H. Foley?

  Alright. I have the receipt too, just in case the, uh, the one thing- Oh yeah. Throat slitter. Just in case the one thing doesn't fit.

• 43:40H. Foley?

  I do want a picture with him in the outfit, at a certain point, whenever he gets into it.

• 43:45Speaker 01

  He doesn't, he's not doing pictures at the moment.

• 43:47H. Foley?

  No?

• 43:48Speaker 01

  No press.

• 43:50H. Foley?

  Brown and a radar. Gotta keep it fly over there?

• 43:54Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 43:54H. Foley?

  Now that's for a one-year-old.

• 43:56Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 43:58H. Foley?

  So I figure you got 35 minutes, he'll get into it.

• 44:01Speaker 01

  12 months, that should work.

• 44:03H. Foley?

  Yeah, they might be a little long.

• 44:05Speaker 01

  Nah, it'll work.

• 44:06H. Foley?

  Little pants on. Huh? Now what are you wearing that with?

• 44:11Speaker 01

  Set of Timbos.

• 44:12H. Foley?

  That set of Timbos.

• 44:13Speaker 01

  Nice, a nice fresh set of butters.

• 44:15H. Foley?

  Yeah. I was looking for sunglasses, but I couldn't find them.

• 44:20Speaker 01

  Look at that.

• 44:21H. Foley?

  Now they're fives. His foot's not that big, right?

• 44:23Speaker 01

  No, I don't think he's in shoes, yet.

• 44:26H. Foley?

  Is, how big is his feet?

• 44:28Speaker 01

  About 13, what's Shaq? No, uh, I don't know.

• 44:31H. Foley?

  That's crazy big.

• 44:31Speaker 01

  He's not in shoes, yeah.

• 44:32H. Foley?

  His foot's not that big. So he may have to save them for a year or two.

• 44:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're gonna, they're gonna have to, I don't think, I don't know, but he's, they're, they're-

• 44:39H. Foley?

  I just couldn't tell. I didn't want to get him six-month-old shoes.

• 44:43Speaker 01

  No, I don't know, yeah, I don't know.

• 44:44H. Foley?

  Like, you know, like his shoes for a six-month-old.

• 44:47Speaker 01

  Well, he's not working yet, so he doesn't have to wear shoes that much, you know what I mean? Um, no, that's awesome, thank you very much.

• 44:52H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  It's very sweet.

• 44:55Speaker 01

  Uh, it's great.

• 44:58Speaker 02

  Fresh beer.

• 44:59H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 45:00Speaker 01

  Look like you're selling fucking dime bags in fucking Academy Road.

• 45:03H. Foley?

  Pull one of, pull one of the, uh, pantlings up.

• 45:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's fucking Big Jay's.

• 45:09H. Foley?

  No.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  That's a Big Jay outfit, if I've ever seen one.

• 45:12H. Foley?

  And then, listen.

• 45:13Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 45:13H. Foley?

  We drive you crazy. Sometimes you can't, I, I drive you crazy. Sometimes you can't take your frustration out on me, the way you would like to. Well, this is-

• 45:23Speaker 01

  I feel like I've done a pretty good job of it.

• 45:26H. Foley?

  This is a, uh, a non-lethal way you can take it out on me. What do you get the boss? This is what you get him.

• 45:34Speaker 01

  A Nerf gun. Especially gonna end in a fistfight. Merry Christmas. That's sick.

• 45:41H. Foley?

  You got three styles, a 48-round clip, motorized, automatic.

• 45:47Speaker 01

  A little fucking nickel, you respect me. I'm gonna start fucking, everybody better toe the line.

• 45:53H. Foley?

  You can put it by your desk, in case the Uber Eats guy acts up.

• 45:57Speaker 01

  Look at that, huh?

• 45:59H. Foley?

  Look at that.

• 45:59Speaker 01

  That's heavy artillery, that's bigger than anything I ever had.

• 46:02H. Foley?

  Assault commander.

• 46:03Speaker 01

  Customize your ultimate blaster. Look at that.

• 46:06H. Foley?

  Yeah, you can do a handgun.

• 46:09Speaker 01

  Three motorized auto firing, do you get permits for that? I don't have to blurt that, this is a joke. This is all, this is a piece of, you're gonna fucking...

• 46:17H. Foley?

  I'll purchase.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  That's great, that's sick. The only toy I really liked were guns.

• 46:24H. Foley?

  Yeah, of course.

• 46:25Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 46:25H. Foley?

  I know.

• 46:26Speaker 01

  That's great. Very cool.

• 46:28H. Foley?

  I thought I got everybody's personality on this round.

• 46:30Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 46:31Speaker 02

  Killed it.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 46:32H. Foley?

  Diesel creepo. Luke likes the F1, European. I'm an Indy man myself. Shot to the 500.

• 46:40Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:41H. Foley?

  And, you know.

• 46:44Speaker 01

  I got you two gifts.

• 46:45H. Foley?

  Please.

• 46:45Speaker 01

  One's a little, not gimmicky, but you know, a little cutesy-wootsy.

• 46:49H. Foley?

  I love cutesy-wootsy.

• 46:50Speaker 01

  Um, you know, you love getting cozy, right?

• 46:55H. Foley?

  I do.

• 46:55Speaker 01

  You're a cozy guy. You love the changing of the seasons.

• 46:59H. Foley?

  I love it.

• 47:00Speaker 01

  It's cozy, it's cozy season.

• 47:02H. Foley?

  Yeah, it's cozy.

• 47:03Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? You have some cold, long nights, you know?

• 47:06H. Foley?

  Ahead of me.

• 47:08Speaker 01

  In general, a lot of people do, that's all I'm saying, you know what I mean?

• 47:12Speaker 01

  I got you a heated robe blanket.

• 47:15H. Foley?

  Look at that. Whoa, that's beautiful.

• 47:19Speaker 01

  Just something to cozy up by your...

• 47:20H. Foley?

  Look at that, handy heater.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  When you're sleeping on a park bench, just something to...

• 47:24H. Foley?

  Folks, y'all alone this Christmas season?

• 47:26Speaker 01

  And a 200-foot extension cord so you can steal power from a nearby deli.

• 47:32H. Foley?

  I gotta warm this thing up, I have a storm break as close as a nine. That's beautiful, Kippy. Thank you.

• 47:38Speaker 01

  Ah, that's just a cutesy-wootsy, nice, nice little funsy onesie.

• 47:42H. Foley?

  Look at all this.

• 47:43Speaker 01

  Um, and then this was the real, uh, and, uh, listen, this is a little more practical for all of our day-to-day life.

• 47:50H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 47:51Speaker 01

  Right? But I wanted to get you something you actually use. A lot of times you buy these gifts and

• 47:54H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 47:54Speaker 01

  Just practical, whatever, you know what I mean?

• 47:56H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 47:58Speaker 01

  I got you this.

• 48:00H. Foley?

  Did you go to somewhere else?

• 48:01Speaker 01

  No, I just stole your bag that you bought at Macy's.

• 48:05H. Foley?

  What we got here? What the, no way. What?

• 48:11Speaker 01

  The dildo set.

• 48:14Speaker 01

  Cold brew maker.

• 48:15H. Foley?

  A cold brew maker.

• 48:18Speaker 01

  You like your little, small cold brews?

• 48:20H. Foley?

  I do. I like my CBs. I like the cold, I like that cold foam too.

• 48:23Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 48:23H. Foley?

  This is beautiful.

• 48:24Speaker 01

  So I figured if we have it here, you don't have to do the hot call, that, because you spend a lot of time here.

• 48:29H. Foley?

  Yes, I do.

• 48:31Speaker 01

  So it's just, you know.

• 48:32H. Foley?

  More now than ever.

• 48:32Speaker 01

  Sure. He goes, yeah, whatever, heated blanket. And a nice cold brewed over, right?

• 48:39H. Foley?

  And a little tubey.

• 48:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:42H. Foley?

  That's awesome.

• 48:43Speaker 01

  I thought it'd be nice for you.

• 48:44H. Foley?

  Home run, kid.

• 48:45Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 48:45H. Foley?

  Home run.

• 48:46Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 48:47H. Foley?

  That's beautiful.

• 48:47Speaker 01

  Got the 42-ounce removable reservoir.

• 48:50H. Foley?

  That's great.

• 48:50Speaker 01

  Tip.

• 48:51H. Foley?

  That's great.

• 48:51Speaker 01

  Three cup sizes. I never got that reservoir tip. My whole weener fit in there.

• 48:56H. Foley?

  No, that's where the, the

• 48:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I got you. All right. Hey.

• 48:59H. Foley?

  It's where the cold foam goes.

• 49:02Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 49:03H. Foley?

  Beautiful. Thank you.

• 49:05Speaker 01

  Ah, very nice. Happy, uh, Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry friggin' Christmas. I think everybody got it. I mean, that was, that might have been the best

• 49:13H. Foley?

  That's the best year ever.

• 49:14Speaker 01

  That's the best year ever.

• 49:15H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 49:15Speaker 01

  That's a pretty good theme for us, is everybody pick a store. That's fun, because then you really, you're like, kinda pinned down to make the decision, you know what I mean? In a good way.

• 49:25H. Foley?

  Very nice.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  Very nice. But, uh, being our Christmas spectacular.

• 49:30H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 49:31Speaker 01

  Um, we have to get to some AYG friggin' questions.

• 49:35H. Foley?

  Do it.

• 49:36Speaker 01

  Uh, gang, as you know, when you join the Patreon, we will answer your garbage question or tell your garbage holiday story on the

• 49:42H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 49:43Speaker 01

  We got a couple of good ones.

• 49:44H. Foley?

  Makes a great gift.

• 49:45Speaker 01

  Makes a great, it does. You can now gift, uh, a little too late. Listen, also, you might, it's Christmas Day. You're jamming the fuck up if you don't have a present.

• 49:53H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:54Speaker 01

  Patreon membership.

• 49:55H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 49:55Speaker 01

  Out the door. Um, alright, let's see here. Uh, alright, let's start off with a little bit of a, a little bit of a Christmas story here.

• 50:04H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 50:04Speaker 01

  Um, alright, this one's from JB, $10 listener, sorta new. "I left the East Coast for all the standard garbage reasons, mainly heroin. I moved to Montana and reset." Very good. "Fast forward many years later, I started an HVAC company and met a woman who has kids. Times were tough in the beginning, as it was six years of struggling to keep my head above water, you could say I was jammed up. One especially bad Christmas, I had a client who would just not pay on time. It's commercial work, and there's a lot, there's not a lot you can do if they don't give you the draw."

• 50:37H. Foley?

  Right.

• 50:37Speaker 01

  Which I, my family deals with that still to this day. "You invoice, they go, 'I'll see you in 90 days.'" "Well, I needed the money to pay for Christmas, but we weren't getting paid for our November draw. Me and her, me and her could wait, but these, these were young kids, we had to have something for them to open. I had credit at one of my supply houses still, so you can guess what we got the kids, or maybe not, we got them lumber. And we printed out skateboard ramp designs, I even got an outdoor, I even got them outdoor rated screws. I don't think it was their favorite Christmas, worst part is, we never built the ramps."

• 51:13Speaker 01

  I love that. If that's not a dirtbag going, "I gotta get you something", putting it on the business account, I would never have thought of that. That's what being a fucking dirtbag on Christmas is all about.

• 51:25H. Foley?

  I would've been pumped as a kid.

• 51:27Speaker 01

  Right?

• 51:27H. Foley?

  That the thing, he never got built, but we, you know.

• 51:29Speaker 01

  Listen, everybody kinda knows, you get a half-pipe fucking schematics, you probably ain't happening. But what the, what-

• 51:36H. Foley?

  That's how you get hurt.

• 51:37Speaker 01

  Talk about keeping the plate spinning.

• 51:39H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 51:39Speaker 01

  I fucking love that.

• 51:40H. Foley?

  That's beautiful. Shout out to you.

• 51:42Speaker 01

  That's fucking great.

• 51:43H. Foley?

  And shout out to you for kicking the H.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, there you go, and starting your own company.

• 51:47H. Foley?

  I tried to score out there in Montana, it's tough.

• 51:49Speaker 01

  Talk about dry. Uh, that's amazing. What a fucking, also, those kids, pro, I mean, probably wasn't their favorite.

• 51:56H. Foley?

  They'll remember it forever.

• 51:57Speaker 01

  They'll remember it forever, and when they realize that, that what you did, as like, they get older and they have kids.

• 52:04H. Foley?

  You can throw it in their face.

• 52:05Speaker 01

  You rapist, I'm not even your real dad. I got that a couple of times. What'd your real dad get you? What? Alright, let's see, this is from Schmugly, great name. "Every Christmas Eve, my family meets up in the afternoon and just drinks till the kids start yelling about Santa." "The last three to four years, a bunch of adults have been hitting the casino after. Shout out to Parks."

• 52:28H. Foley?

  My god.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  Shout out to Parks.

• 52:30H. Foley?

  Shout out to Parks.

• 52:31Speaker 01

  I mean, that is a thing, because as you get older, I mean, you've experienced it a little longer. But like, when it stops being about you and your brother, I mean, you probably hated it.

• 52:44H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 52:45Speaker 01

  And it's about...

• 52:45H. Foley?

  I'm over it now, but for a while, like, from like, 30 to 48, it was like, what the fuck?

• 52:52Speaker 01

  So this, maybe today?

• 52:53H. Foley?

  But shout out to Patty, she would always get me a little toy. If it was like, something like that Star, the Tie Fighter, I gotta have something to play with.

• 53:04Speaker 01

  But why?

• 53:05H. Foley?

  Because I'm fucked up.

• 53:06Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 53:08H. Foley?

  I gotta have something.

• 53:09Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 53:10H. Foley?

  Especially if I laid it out nice for everybody.

• 53:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:13H. Foley?

  Come at me with some magnet.

• 53:15Speaker 01

  What kind of spill you got going on over there?

• 53:17H. Foley?

  I had something, something. Cup soda.

• 53:20Speaker 01

  I don't care what it is.

• 53:22H. Foley?

  Um, and then when I got too old for that, she started getting me those Hallmark ornaments. But she would get me like, a Star Wars one, where it's a spaceship, and if you unscrew that thing, that hooks onto the fishing line, you got a toy. And some of them light up. She gave me a Star Trek Enterprise that lights up all over. It's like the real thing. If I can, you know, warp speed that a little bit.

• 53:49Speaker 01

  You hear that other jealous 50-year-olds? You too can deconstruct Christmas ornaments and make your own toys.

• 53:56H. Foley?

  I gotta do something, I'm waiting for the Captain Chuckies to get brought out.

• 53:58Speaker 01

  Fair enough. Um...

• 54:01H. Foley?

  My shrimp cocktail.

• 54:02Speaker 01

  There is a handful of years before my brother had kids. And he wasn't in a super serious relationship or whatever, where me and him were rolling as adults.

• 54:14H. Foley?

  Sucks.

• 54:15Speaker 01

  That was the best, what are you talking about?

• 54:16H. Foley?

  You thought so?

• 54:17Speaker 01

  I mean, yeah, I also didn't want to still be a kid, so we had a bit of a different outlook on things. No, we were in our... I was probably 20, he's 25, whatever. And we just, you know, we party hopped a little bit. Ah, a couple beers here, then we go to Aunt Kate's and we go pop over there, then he's going to meet our boy Nicky, then I, I'm gonna go meet Pat, whatever, it was just like...

• 54:38H. Foley?

  That's when you kinda don't really give a fuck and you're like, "Give me some cash."

• 54:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm, first of all, I'm still like that. I mean, this was this Christmas aside, you know, I got something done, I forgot I had a kid.

• 54:48H. Foley?

  Well, let me tell you this, what else, what also supplements the not getting toys anymore is when the kid, when my niece and nephew were little, I could get toys for them, especially the kid, the kid.

• 54:58Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 54:59H. Foley?

  Cause I, you know, he was into Legos and Star Wars and all that shit, so I get all that shit for them and then we played with it together.

• 55:05Speaker 01

  We're currently at the point now where it's like not about, it used to be about the, super about the kids and now it's like, let, not, not to say that it's not about, it's more about like all of us as a family, cause the kids are a little grown.

• 55:17H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 55:18Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? So it's like not as,

• 55:21Speaker 01

  it's not as fucking magical and stuff like that, it's more like, we've done this a bunch and now, now it's more fun as a family, as a whole, which we've never, like I said, we play those games and stuff like that and everybody has a good time rather than being like super focused on the kids, which is very fun. This year, I didn't tell you, they're trying to do The Grinch.

• 55:40H. Foley?

  No!

• 55:40Speaker 01

  We all gotta dress up as The Grinch or something.

• 55:42H. Foley?

  That's the trashiest, that's got fucking scars kids.

• 55:45Speaker 01

  My brother said, because they're like, "Oh, Kevin and Danny are The Grinch," my brother goes, "I'll go full fucking movie level and scare the fuck out of every, I will ruin this motherfucker. You call me, he's saying I'm a bad time." He won't fuck, I'll call your bluff.

• 55:58H. Foley?

  Your house is on fire!

• 55:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, just show up.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  He'll look out, your cars are torched.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  Me and him are out front smoking.

• 56:07H. Foley?

  You're doing that, he's doing that dance.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  Which I'm like, that's not fun.

• 56:13H. Foley?

  That scares the fu, I mean, listen, that is a dirtball move and I respect it.

• 56:18Speaker 01

  They're such trash.

• 56:19H. Foley?

  The worse, the costume is the better. I, one time it was just a guy in a green hoodie running in.

• 56:25Speaker 01

  Looks like you're fucking robbing the place.

• 56:29Speaker 01

  You gotta, you got your hand in a brown paper bag.

• 56:33H. Foley?

  I see one where the guy gives in and beats up Santa. You know, they're, it's like, you know, they're, they're doing, they're all, they're all in on the bitch.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  I know, I know how showbiz works. You don't have to tell me, guy.

• 56:43H. Foley?

  Yeah, man, the kids freak out. You would have done that shit in the 90s.

• 56:46Speaker 01

  That one, there's that-

• 56:47H. Foley?

  You would have caught a fucking Zima bottle to the head. Fuck that. Try still my fucking GI juice?

• 56:54Speaker 01

  I'm all hopped up on mics hard, dude. Try that.

• 56:58Speaker 01

  There's that one where-

• 56:59H. Foley?

  Coming in and your legs going out on your back.

• 57:01Speaker 01

  The Grinch sneaks around the, the tree outside and ruins, dude, just ruins Christmas for the neighborhood. Those kids lose their fucking shit. Which that's what you get for, just, what are you doing? You're trying too hard.

• 57:13H. Foley?

  So fucked up.

• 57:14Speaker 01

  I kinda like it. What's the deal with the Grinch?

• 57:19H. Foley?

  They didn't do that at your house, did they, Luke?

• 57:20Speaker 02

  They did not.

• 57:21H. Foley?

  Yeah, you'd probably sue them.

• 57:24Speaker 01

  I'm calling my lawyer.

• 57:27Speaker 02

  Get left, right, center, and that's it.

• 57:29Speaker 01

  Another big thing, left, the games are big, and I love that.

• 57:33H. Foley?

  Yeah, it's fun.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  That's made, it's made it, like, that's what I'm saying, like, it's, it's-

• 57:36H. Foley?

  Instead of sitting around just watching football?

• 57:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like, it's just fun.

• 57:39H. Foley?

  Which I love doing.

• 57:40Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um, alright, let's see here. This is a great one. This is from Andy Capps Hot Fries. Shout out to you.

• 57:45H. Foley?

  Ooh.

• 57:45Speaker 01

  $10 figgy pudding here, great. Never had one red. I got my mom a $3 VCR for Christmas this year so she can watch old home movies.

• 57:54H. Foley?

  That's great.

• 57:54Speaker 01

  Trashy or classy?

• 57:55H. Foley?

  Yeah, no.

• 57:56Speaker 01

  That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard.

• 57:58H. Foley?

  It's the sentiment. It, you know, it's trash, but it's sweet as pie.

• 58:02Speaker 01

  I don't know, man.

• 58:02H. Foley?

  It's not classy. You bought a $3 VCR.

• 58:05Speaker 01

  I mean, if, I'm sure there's a-

• 58:06H. Foley?

  I'm celebrating.

• 58:07Speaker 01

  They're not selling $100 VCRs anymore.

• 58:09H. Foley?

  I can get you one.

• 58:11Speaker 02

  Go down to Home Depot.

• 58:12Speaker 01

  Um, that's just what a VCR goes for.

• 58:15H. Foley?

  That's adorable.

• 58:16Speaker 01

  You're giving her the gift of fucking Christmas past. That's what you're doing. Or she sees it and be like, the time's ain't as, man, it's as nice as I remember. You know what I mean? Looking back with rose colored glasses on.

• 58:27H. Foley?

  A Grinch in black and white?

• 58:29Speaker 01

  Uh-

• 58:30H. Foley?

  Nothing on it?

• 58:31Speaker 01

  I didn't, nah, man. I was thinking more like the dad hooking up, you know, I don't know, something.

• 58:37H. Foley?

  I'm with you.

• 58:37Speaker 01

  You went, you went Grinch. I went more, uh-

• 58:40H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 58:40Speaker 01

  Trashy.

• 58:41H. Foley?

  I'm doing callback. You know showbiz, huh?

• 58:45Speaker 02

  You better have the cables with that VCR machine now. That's gonna do it.

• 58:49H. Foley?

  You gotta, you gotta wait till the store's open on Tuesday?

• 58:52Speaker 01

  Fucking jammed up.

• 58:54H. Foley?

  Man, got a good cry in.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  Um, this is a perfect, this is what the holidays are about. This is from Brooke T. This is the first year, oh, the first year my husband and I had Christmas dinner at our house. Which is always big. You're trying to set the new tradition.

• 59:08H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 59:09Speaker 01

  Cause that happens. We were talking, me and my wife-

• 59:10H. Foley?

  Those shifts are tough. We're in one right now.

• 59:12Speaker 01

  Everybody, we're kinda in one as well, uh, where like my, we just did the last Thanksgiving at my mom's house. She's moving. You know, we don't, we no longer, like my brother goes to his, and like, we're just all kinda nomadic a little bit.

• 59:26H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 59:26Speaker 01

  We're waiting for the dust to really settle. And then we're figuring that out.

• 59:30H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:30Speaker 01

  So there's this, this family, this couple's trying to do it. This is, "The first year my husband and I had Christmas dinner at our house, we invited both of our families."

• 59:39H. Foley?

  Dun, dun, duh.

• 59:41Speaker 01

  "His semi estranged mother and dirtbag brother hadn't spoken to each other in 18 years."

• 59:46H. Foley?

  Holy shit. What are you doing?

• 59:48Speaker 01

  You don't invite, you don't invite one of them. And probably the mom, cause that's, you said semi estranged.

• 59:53H. Foley?

  You bring that to neutral turf. You meet at a parking lot or something. Let them talk it out.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, what, make sure no one's carrying weapons.

• 59:59H. Foley?

  Over in Dunkin' Donuts, you'd have a coffee, and then you just come to the house.

• 1:00:02Speaker 01

  That's, that's coffee and a couple of heaters.

• 1:00:04H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 1:00:04Speaker 01

  Leaning on a car, walking around the car.

• 1:00:06H. Foley?

  Not looking at each other for a couple of minutes, you know? Then you're crying by the end.

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  Um, "They were both in the house together all Christmas and never said a word to each other. The brother ate dinner in the basement so he didn't have to sit with the rest of the family, and he hotboxed our basement bathroom without asking. We only invite my family over for Christmas now." You gotta learn the hard way. You gotta learn the hard way.

• 1:00:31H. Foley?

  What's wrong with that son? How old was he?

• 1:00:34Speaker 01

  I mean-

• 1:00:34H. Foley?

  18 years. He's gotta be over 18. You go downstairs and eat in the basement?

• 1:00:38Speaker 01

  You gotta figure he stopped talking to her at 18. So he's in his 30s.

• 1:00:40H. Foley?

  Jesus. That's crazy.

• 1:00:43Speaker 01

  It's not like he stopped talking to her at 2. No one estranged from their mom at 2.

• 1:00:46H. Foley?

  I wouldn't do that, cause now you're gonna get seconds. You're gonna go up the fucking stairs and walk by everybody.

• 1:00:50Speaker 01

  I don't think he cares.

• 1:00:51H. Foley?

  I'd take two plates down there. That's what I'd do.

• 1:00:56Speaker 01

  Um, let's see, uh, this one's just cute. This is from Dirthead.

• 1:01:04Speaker 01

  "Hey gang, love all, happy holidays. Is it garbage to try and trap Santa as a kid? I remember setting up tripwires and hidden cameras to try to catch him slipping. I live in Fairbanks, Alaska, which is right next to the North Pole, so I figured I had a pretty good shot to get him at my place. I could stop him and his elf. It's dead in their tracks."

• 1:01:24H. Foley?

  Get him early in the night and...

• 1:01:25Speaker 01

  Or late. Maybe that's the last stop, you know what I mean? He's tired, you know, you fucking catch him slipping.

• 1:01:31H. Foley?

  Instead of ending up killing my uncle.

• 1:01:34Speaker 01

  Either, listen, if I lived up there, you got, I mean, you gotta think you can get him.

• 1:01:40H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:41Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? It's just by proximity.

• 1:01:43H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 1:01:44Speaker 01

  He's got, you know, you're in a neighborhood.

• 1:01:46H. Foley?

  Probably like 7:00 in the morning by then. He's exhausted. You know what I mean? He's got those 2-3 wines in him.

• 1:01:52Speaker 01

  He's all fucking full on cookies and milk and sluggish.

• 1:01:55H. Foley?

  The heartburn's probably bumping.

• 1:01:56Speaker 01

  Uh huh. Phone it in. That's how you get him.

• 1:01:59H. Foley?

  Yeah. Catch him slipping.

• 1:02:01Speaker 02

  Have you ever done that?

• 1:02:03H. Foley?

  What?

• 1:02:03Speaker 02

  Me and my cousin one time, we tied fishing line from the coffee table like into the couch. Got my uncle good. Cause we were trying to catch the Easter bunny.

• 1:02:12Speaker 01

  I chipped my tooth. He's all pissed. You little bastard.

• 1:02:16Speaker 02

  We were like 6.

• 1:02:18Speaker 01

  Oh my god, I'll fucking kill you. Yeah dude.

• 1:02:22H. Foley?

  I don't got dental at work.

• 1:02:25H. Foley?

  You bastard.

• 1:02:27Speaker 01

  He tripped?

• 1:02:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:28H. Foley?

  Dude, you're lucky you didn't kill him.

• 1:02:30Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:02:30H. Foley?

  You catch the corner of a coffee table, you're fucking, bye-bye-o.

• 1:02:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's tough. Also, now as that uncle, if you're, I got nieces and nephews that are six, I'd be, I know how that fall feels right now.

• 1:02:43H. Foley?

  Think that's fucking funny?

• 1:02:44Speaker 01

  Oh my god. Everyone's, your brother in shirt kinda laughing at you? That's embarrassing as shit dude.

• 1:02:51H. Foley?

  One time, this was in the summer, my dog, I thought raw chicken was poisonous to dogs. And I was bringing out a thing of cutlets, throw them on the grill, like a chicken breast, put on the grill.

• 1:03:02Speaker 01

  On Christmas?

• 1:03:03H. Foley?

  Nah, that was in the summer.

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  Who the fuck real chicken breast on Christmas?

• 1:03:11Speaker 01

  I was like, god damn, guys are fucking ass backwards out there. I mean, these motherfuckers love cutlets.

• 1:03:20H. Foley?

  I'm not there doing brisket like a dickhead. But I had a plate of raw chicken and everybody was in that sunroom in the heater room, okay? And, uh...

• 1:03:31Speaker 01

  People are hanging out in there?

• 1:03:32H. Foley?

  In the summer.

• 1:03:33Speaker 01

  Think I got gas masks on?

• 1:03:34H. Foley?

  In the summer, it's all open.

• 1:03:36Speaker 01

  That's heater town, USA.

• 1:03:37H. Foley?

  Right now, it's heater town.

• 1:03:39Speaker 01

  Oh, man. The walk out there, that cold dank.

• 1:03:43H. Foley?

  Oh, Patty just standing there with this look on her face in her robe, just, "Yeah."

• 1:03:49Speaker 01

  "Now is the show."

• 1:03:51H. Foley?

  Brutal. But in the summer, it's nice and it gets all aired out. Anyway, that's not what we're talking about here.

• 1:03:56Speaker 01

  It's not.

• 1:03:57H. Foley?

  Everybody's sitting around.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:59H. Foley?

  Okay, I got my bathing suit on. I had my dad bathing suit on. It didn't really fit. And my ass was kinda sticking out. So, the dog bites this chicken breast and he's got it in his mouth and won't let it go. So I'm like, "Fuck, it's crazy." And I'm trying to get it out of his mouth. My brother takes his finger, tries to be a smart guy.

• 1:04:15Speaker 01

  And shoves it in your ass.

• 1:04:17H. Foley?

  Sticks it down my butt crack a little bit and gives me a little...

• 1:04:19Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 1:04:20H. Foley?

  Yeah. So I fucking freaked out on him. I'm like, "The goddamn dog can fucking die, you asshole." Everybody looked at me like I was nuts.

• 1:04:27Speaker 01

  You think I'm the one that's wound tight? It's crazy. You think I'm the angry one? What?

• 1:04:32H. Foley?

  I didn't have bansheaths.

• 1:04:32Speaker 01

  I didn't have bansheaths.

• 1:04:34H. Foley?

  Yeah. Nah, I don't like that shit either. Slapped the shit out of you. You would've done that to my Uncle Joe or Uncle Mike or my dad, ooh, you would've caught a fucking dress shoe in your ass.

• 1:04:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what fucked you up. Yeah, that's why I made you a fucking little butt plug boy. Stop spilling the droopy.

• 1:04:54H. Foley?

  I'm not.

• 1:04:55Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:04:56H. Foley?

  It's just club soda.

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  I don't care what it is.

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  It's just odd to have a conversation with a guy who's just fucking in an earthquake all of a sudden. Fucking loose wrist Lucy over here.

• 1:05:09H. Foley?

  Sitting there like I'm Dean Martin.

• 1:05:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, what the fuck?

• 1:05:12H. Foley?

  Hello, folks. I wasn't supposed to be here. But I slipped on an ice cube and fell.

• 1:05:20Speaker 01

  You need a screw top on yours. I'll get you one of those little Kipperino sippy cups. Um, alright, let's see. This one's up for debate, and I can go either way on this, depending on your budget. This is from Toody's Tight Leather Pants. Great name. $10 heater dealer. Never had one red. Got a holiday conundrum for the boys.

• 1:05:39H. Foley?

  Please.

• 1:05:40Speaker 01

  Say you're a part of a secret Santa, and there's a $50 minimum on the gift.

• 1:05:45H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 1:05:45Speaker 01

  Right? Which you never hear minimum, which I kinda like. If it's a good circle...

• 1:05:51H. Foley?

  $50 minimum.

• 1:05:52Speaker 01

  I kinda like that. I like the maximum for like work people, but if it's like...

• 1:05:55H. Foley?

  That's classy.

• 1:05:55Speaker 01

  If everyone's loved ones, a minimum's nice. I'm like, give them that extra, because there's such a... There's such a nice difference between the 20 and the 50.

• 1:06:05H. Foley?

  Big.

• 1:06:06Speaker 01

  You can get something intentional for 50.

• 1:06:08H. Foley?

  If an office thing does the 50 max, you always go 100.

• 1:06:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, you...

• 1:06:13H. Foley?

  Because you look at... You know what I mean? Especially if you're trying to make out in the office.

• 1:06:18Speaker 01

  Which I did one year. Bad.

• 1:06:20H. Foley?

  You did?

• 1:06:20Speaker 01

  I never told you that, did I?

• 1:06:21H. Foley?

  What?

• 1:06:22Speaker 01

  That's so embarrassing.

• 1:06:23H. Foley?

  You hooked up with someone in the office?

• 1:06:24Speaker 01

  At the holiday Christmas party.

• 1:06:26H. Foley?

  Oh, you did tell me about this. Her mom worked there, too.

• 1:06:29Speaker 01

  Her dad was the owner of the place.

• 1:06:31H. Foley?

  And her mom worked at the place you worked at?

• 1:06:35Speaker 01

  I mean it's...

• 1:06:37Speaker 01

  I forgot about that. I didn't... I don't... No, no, that was...

• 1:06:42Speaker 01

  Okay, two different stories.

• 1:06:45H. Foley?

  That was an Easter party, and that was my cousin.

• 1:06:48Speaker 01

  Shout out to Debbie. You're a great girl. I forgot about that.

• 1:06:52H. Foley?

  You did, huh?

• 1:06:53Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 1:06:54H. Foley?

  Wow. Were you making out there at the Christmas party?

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  What are you talking about?

• 1:06:58H. Foley?

  Were you doing it at the Christmas party?

• 1:07:00Speaker 01

  I'll make out with you right now. At...

• 1:07:03H. Foley?

  With your pigs in the blanket breath?

• 1:07:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:07H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 1:07:08Speaker 01

  No. Well, the one that you're referencing, no. The one, the story I was telling. It was like, we were all out. We all went to like a hat, like a roving happy hour bar to bar, like 50 of us. They had it set up. And man, it was fucking brutes, maguts.

• 1:07:23H. Foley?

  Probably enough toothpicks in your pocket to fucking re-force the Amazon.

• 1:07:27Speaker 01

  And I did have a blazer on of some kind.

• 1:07:29H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 1:07:29Speaker 01

  And the worst part is, uh, it was a Thursday night, so we had to go into work on Friday, which was...

• 1:07:36H. Foley?

  Nobody can call out either.

• 1:07:37Speaker 01

  Oh, dude, it was so embarrassing. So embarrassing.

• 1:07:41H. Foley?

  Hey.

• 1:07:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:44Speaker 01

  There's this law...

• 1:07:45H. Foley?

  Sorry, I started crying.

• 1:07:48Speaker 01

  It doesn't happen to me. Dude, we walked right, there's a long hallway and we, you know, it's just me and her in it. We had to walk all the way, just like a...

• 1:07:56H. Foley?

  You say, "Yeah"?

• 1:07:59Speaker 01

  I think she looked down, rightfully so.

• 1:08:01H. Foley?

  Ouch.

• 1:08:01Speaker 01

  Wasn't my best, uh...

• 1:08:02H. Foley?

  Is this when you were at your plumpest?

• 1:08:05Speaker 01

  I was at my bigger, yeah, this is Raven Lounge years. This is when I was eating from that food truck and that girl wanted to date me.

• 1:08:15Speaker 01

  The Estonian girl that worked the daughter that worked the food truck.

• 1:08:19H. Foley?

  Oh, man.

• 1:08:20Speaker 01

  Ah, bit of a ladies man!

• 1:08:24Speaker 01

  Listen, my, uh...

• 1:08:25H. Foley?

  Uh, you want to date my daughter? Nah, just give me the cinnamon raisin with the extra cream cheese today. Slice of bacon.

• 1:08:33Speaker 01

  I was doing those kielbasa sandwiches for lunch. Imagine watching a guy...

• 1:08:39H. Foley?

  Extra roll, please.

• 1:08:42Speaker 01

  Imagine watching a guy eat kielbasa every day and smoke heaters. I used to stand 10 feet away, I'd eat.

• 1:08:51Speaker 01

  I'd eat standing up.

• 1:08:53H. Foley?

  The other customer, "Can you give us a break with that? I got soup here."

• 1:08:59Speaker 01

  I'd eat standing up and crank heaters. Uh, I'd eat kielbasa multiple days a week. It was five bucks or something, or sa- it was between Italian sausage and the kielbasa and, uh... I got on the kielb- I was never a big fan of kielbasa, but they ran out of sausages.

• 1:09:15H. Foley?

  Kielbasa's great.

• 1:09:16Speaker 01

  I ate them out of sausage one week, so I had to pivot over to the fucking, to the bossy.

• 1:09:21H. Foley?

  All we got is tofu dogs, alright.

• 1:09:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, imagine seeing like that and then asking me out on a date.

• 1:09:28H. Foley?

  When you blister kielbasa, when you cook it at high heat, it gets a snap on it like you wouldn't believe.

• 1:09:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, great snap.

• 1:09:33H. Foley?

  That water will burn you though, inside. That juice, that's a lot of juice.

• 1:09:37Speaker 01

  I know, and I, I, I used to feel I would get that juice on me and I would smell it. But hours later, I'd get... I'd smell it hours later working and be like, "Ah, I smell like a Polish fucking meat factory."

• 1:09:52H. Foley?

  Yeah, the only problem with that is every once in a while, you get the tooth in there? You know, like the little white chunk?

• 1:09:59Speaker 01

  Cartilage or something, something that gotta be rerun through the grinder.

• 1:10:02H. Foley?

  Looks like baby teeth.

• 1:10:06Speaker 01

  Alright, we gotta switch gear. We'll do another, other kielbasa stories on a later date.

• 1:10:14Speaker 01

  Let's see, you say you're a part of the Secret Santa and there's a $50 minimum on the gift. Now, what if you find something that's over 50 bucks? But was on sale making it 30? Is it trashy to count that as hitting the set minimum? Or is the classy move not counting it as hitting the minimum and buying a second smaller gift?

• 1:10:32H. Foley?

  No, don't buy a second smaller gift. You've done your job. That ain't, that ain't your fault, what, you know, what that retailer decides to put on sale or not sale. Original retail price. Okay. Sales don't count.

• 1:10:45Speaker 01

  Ah, I gotta, I mean, listen, in the, uh...

• 1:10:49H. Foley?

  What are you doing?

• 1:10:50Speaker 01

  I was looking at my phone. The fuck? What do you think, you get nervous?

• 1:10:56H. Foley?

  Somebody calling for me?

• 1:10:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what you think it is. Who's that? Is it a guest about me?

• 1:11:00H. Foley?

  Make sure no one's coming.

• 1:11:03Speaker 01

  I think there's a thing where, listen, if you don't really like the person, sure, go fuck him. But if you're in the holiday gift giving season? Get him the second gift, I would say. That's what I would say.

• 1:11:15H. Foley?

  This is office.

• 1:11:17Speaker 01

  This, no, well, I, well, because there's, I mean, it says the minimum 50, so I'm assuming it's

• 1:11:23Speaker 01

  a little more, uh, you know, of loved ones of some kind, or a little thicker connection. I would say do it, but that's just me.

• 1:11:30H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:31Speaker 01

  I, I get either way, though, for sure, definitely.

• 1:11:33H. Foley?

  Scumbag, um.

• 1:11:35Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:11:35H. Foley?

  These lights just go off and come on again?

• 1:11:38Speaker 01

  I don't think so. What, are you having a stroke?

• 1:11:39H. Foley?

  I might be.

• 1:11:40Speaker 01

  What the fuck?

• 1:11:40H. Foley?

  That's bubbling.

• 1:11:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:42H. Foley?

  You guys see that, right?

• 1:11:43Speaker 01

  They're old school lights, baby. We get a lot of comments on the old school lights, Brian D.

• 1:11:48H. Foley?

  You found them on eBay. This one's not working.

• 1:11:54H. Foley?

  Well, look at that.

• 1:11:57H. Foley?

  You wore them just for size.

• 1:11:57Speaker 01

  Do you work here?

• 1:12:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, we didn't use hair.

• 1:12:01H. Foley?

  Oh, these aren't new?

• 1:12:02Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:12:05Speaker 01

  Alright, let it go. Phew, back here, doing a show.

• 1:12:07H. Foley?

  Give it a blue chew.

• 1:12:10Speaker 01

  Um, alright, let's see, this one's from Heaven. $10 homie never had one read. Uh, "My sister got so drunk on Christmas Eve a few years ago that she took out her partial tooth denture to eat and she misplaced it. The rest of the night she was convinced she swallowed it to the point of hysterically crying and wanting to go to the hospital. Nobody knew where it was and my mom ripped apart at the house and even the garbage. Christmas morning, my older sister found it in the fridge in a bag of lunch meat. I guess my sister forgot she put it in there when she was making a sandwich. In fact, this is my, this was my husband's first Christmas with my family."

• 1:12:48H. Foley?

  Dude, lunch meat on Christmas is no good.

• 1:12:52Speaker 01

  That's wa, dude, let's run this, run this series of Avenged. Lunch meat on Christmas, then lunch meat Christmas morning, because the sister found it. That's what you didn't pick up in the story. That sister woke up and went, "I'll do a turkey sandwich." And found a denture, who's putting it in there? Your family is animal. That's crazy. Um, but in that-

• 1:13:14H. Foley?

  I'm gonna throw up.

• 1:13:15Speaker 01

  In that same vein, my brother, uh, this is a couple of years ago. The show was happening, my brother, we were doing like the, we do like a roast, like a steak or whatever, a filet roast.

• 1:13:25H. Foley?

  I see, you meant like, uh-

• 1:13:28Speaker 01

  Guys, my Denise is here, everybody give it up for Denise.

• 1:13:33Speaker 01

  Ah, my mom, everybody.

• 1:13:34H. Foley?

  You got the whole dance set up and shit. Jeff Ross is there.

• 1:13:40Speaker 01

  Uh, and he bit on the, like a chewy, a tender piece of meat, cracked his tooth, swallowed it.

• 1:13:46H. Foley?

  A chewy, tender piece of meat?

• 1:13:48Speaker 01

  Ah, whatever, a piece of meat.

• 1:13:49H. Foley?

  What are you drinking over there?

• 1:13:50Speaker 01

  What are you, just spilling all over the place?

• 1:13:52H. Foley?

  That was an accident.

• 1:13:53Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:13:55Speaker 01

  Getting oddly defensive about the spill. If someone else around you spilled five times, you'd make a comment on it.

• 1:14:01H. Foley?

  Shout out.

• 1:14:03Speaker 01

  You're like, "First of all, nobody accused you of drinking, and you said you weren't drinking seven times."

• 1:14:08H. Foley?

  A bunch of pills fall out of my pocket.

• 1:14:13H. Foley?

  So you've been on a tough piece of meat?

• 1:14:14Speaker 01

  I guess, or, yeah, whatever.

• 1:14:16H. Foley?

  You do a roast?

• 1:14:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:18H. Foley?

  Thank you.

• 1:14:19Speaker 01

  Well, I don't.

• 1:14:20H. Foley?

  No.

• 1:14:20Speaker 01

  I eat it.

• 1:14:21H. Foley?

  Would you know even how to cook a roast?

• 1:14:23Speaker 01

  Put it in the oven.

• 1:14:23H. Foley?

  That's it?

• 1:14:24Speaker 01

  Broke his teeth, fall out.

• 1:14:26H. Foley?

  That's tough.

• 1:14:27Speaker 01

  He's cracked his tooth, swallowed it. And then we were like, "You're gonna swallow my tooth." It was like the first bite, and I was like, "Dude, we are dirtbags."

• 1:14:36H. Foley?

  I'll take his plate.

• 1:14:38Speaker 01

  You gonna finish that roll? Yeah, we do a roast. For my small family on Christmas Eve, like my...

• 1:14:45H. Foley?

  With all the trimmings?

• 1:14:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess. I don't really remember. I don't know if I'm doing that.

• 1:14:51H. Foley?

  Like Cheetos and pretzels? Got them arranged around it?

• 1:14:56H. Foley?

  With a Gatorade, how's you?

• 1:14:57Speaker 01

  We turn it into a dip somehow.

• 1:15:00H. Foley?

  You dig out a hole, put ranch dressing in there?

• 1:15:04Speaker 01

  Ah, yeah, filet bowl.

• 1:15:05H. Foley?

  Fuck a bread bowl.

• 1:15:08Speaker 01

  That's great. Alright, let's see.

• 1:15:13Speaker 01

  This is from Ranch on Pizza, longtime comrade of Zepbound, shout out to you, never had one read. "Is it garbage if your parish pastor had to cancel midnight mass going forward because too many people were showing up drunk? Nothing like hearing 50 drunk dads scream singing Silent Night."

• 1:15:30H. Foley?

  That's awesome.

• 1:15:30Speaker 01

  That's the one they all try to... "Silent Night." That's the one everybody checks in on.

• 1:15:36H. Foley?

  It never occurred to me to do that until a couple of years ago. We usually go to St. Helena's. But Monsignor, or one of the fathers, one of the priests my mom liked, went over to Visitation, the Italian church. A little bit older. A little bit older. But it's an old-school church, Italians in there, the family and all that kind of stuff, it gives you a good vibe. You know what I mean? You get over to pepperoni smell, it's nice. The incense covers that up. No offense to you and your family personally, Mr. D.

• 1:16:11H. Foley?

  Slip my throat later. Good thing I didn't get a piano wire, huh? What?

• 1:16:17Speaker 01

  Sorry, I'm reading some questions. I gotta produce the goddamn show. Not all here to make fun of our Italian friend, you know what I mean?

• 1:16:24H. Foley?

  But we went to my cousin's and then we did a midnight mass and I had two, three in me. It was, wow, it was real nice.

• 1:16:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, uh, I stopped doing a mass about a decade ago.

• 1:16:33H. Foley?

  You don't go at all?

• 1:16:34Speaker 01

  I don't go at all.

• 1:16:35H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 1:16:36Speaker 01

  Then he stopped fighting me on it. Uh, I think they stopped going as a family too. Now there's so many...

• 1:16:43H. Foley?

  The peace goes.

• 1:16:44Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:16:44H. Foley?

  Yeah, I can't let my mom go alone.

• 1:16:46Speaker 01

  She does it every week.

• 1:16:47H. Foley?

  I mean, she does it fucking every morning.

• 1:16:49Speaker 01

  I mean, she probably goes with my sister.

• 1:16:50H. Foley?

  My mom?

• 1:16:52Speaker 01

  I don't know what she does in her spare time, but apparently...

• 1:16:55H. Foley?

  Hey!

• 1:16:55Speaker 01

  What? No, my mom probably goes with my sister.

• 1:16:58H. Foley?

  She know the YMCA wasn't topless, it ain't her fucking fault. You put a sign up.

• 1:17:03Speaker 01

  She thought it was the Village People YMCA. I thought you's partying. Um, yeah, my mom goes with Denise, my brother and his family go on...

• 1:17:11H. Foley?

  Your mom goes with Denise, your sister goes.

• 1:17:12Speaker 01

  My sister, whatever. My, then, my mom goes with my sister, my brother and his family go on their own.

• 1:17:17H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:18Speaker 01

  And then I'm just not... Not for me.

• 1:17:21H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 1:17:21Speaker 01

  Heathen.

• 1:17:22H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:22Speaker 01

  That is what it is. I have my own, I have my own, uh, you know, traditions.

• 1:17:27H. Foley?

  Have a good time in hell.

• 1:17:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:29H. Foley?

  Won't be lonely.

• 1:17:30Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:17:31H. Foley?

  Just watch Man on Fire.

• 1:17:34H. Foley?

  People talk about him, Dakota Thanning in that, she's like 10 years old.

• 1:17:40Speaker 01

  Killing it.

• 1:17:41H. Foley?

  Killing it, crazy!

• 1:17:44Speaker 01

  First time I cried ever watching a movie.

• 1:17:45H. Foley?

  Oh my god!

• 1:17:46Speaker 01

  Didn't know, hungover.

• 1:17:48H. Foley?

  Then doubles back at the end!

• 1:17:49Speaker 01

  What the heck is even that?

• 1:17:50H. Foley?

  Why did he have to give himself up? You had the brother.

• 1:17:54Speaker 01

  Your life for a life.

• 1:17:56H. Foley?

  But he gets two lives out of him!

• 1:17:57Speaker 01

  I know, I know. Listen, Hollywood, what do you want from me? You don't have Hollywood, welcome to show business, okay?

• 1:18:02H. Foley?

  I wanna get that jacket he wore.

• 1:18:03Speaker 01

  It's not cool if he walks away.

• 1:18:04H. Foley?

  I know.

• 1:18:05Speaker 01

  Nobody be talking about that fucking movie.

• 1:18:08H. Foley?

  He hops on the jitney to Cancun?

• 1:18:11Speaker 01

  Alright, later.

• 1:18:13Speaker 01

  Uh...

• 1:18:14H. Foley?

  He was all spent anyway, he wanted to go home.

• 1:18:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was, he was, he was gonna die anyway, that's why he gave himself, he was fucking lit up. Fucking guy was...

• 1:18:22H. Foley?

  The brother caught him with one in the lung.

• 1:18:23Speaker 01

  Uh-huh, yeah, he was done. So he's going, yeah, okay, I'll fucking...

• 1:18:28H. Foley?

  The wife was great in that too.

• 1:18:30Speaker 01

  She's having a resurgence, by the way.

• 1:18:31H. Foley?

  Is she?

• 1:18:32Speaker 01

  She was in White, isn't that her from White Lotus?

• 1:18:34H. Foley?

  No. Who?

• 1:18:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's one of the friends of the actresses in White Lotus, isn't she?

• 1:18:40H. Foley?

  No kidding.

• 1:18:42H. Foley?

  Luke!

• 1:18:42Speaker 02

  Radha Mitchell.

• 1:18:43H. Foley?

  Stop playing with your toys!

• 1:18:44Speaker 02

  Radha Mitchell, uh, Two Hearts Are Crazy, London Has Fallen.

• 1:18:49Speaker 01

  I could be wrong on that.

• 1:18:50Speaker 02

  I'm not, I don't see, uh...

• 1:18:53H. Foley?

  Give me a couple of years, I'll get her back in the business. Start making some moves. You know?

• 1:18:59Speaker 01

  Uh...

• 1:19:00H. Foley?

  Key.

• 1:19:01Speaker 01

  Sorry, I'm trying, I, oh, I thought it was her. Or maybe it's not her.

• 1:19:05Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 1:19:06Speaker 01

  It's not, um... But that, there's that, there's that one broad that looks like her that's making a...

• 1:19:12H. Foley?

  Oh, I know who you're talking about.

• 1:19:13Speaker 01

  Making a comeback.

• 1:19:13H. Foley?

  Yeah. She was in White Lotus, season one.

• 1:19:16Speaker 01

  Just, no, just the most recent one.

• 1:19:18Speaker 02

  Like, the smart one of the three friends?

• 1:19:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, with like the bob, she's had that same haircut forever. And then she was just in a, I think she was in that, that, uh, The Whores of Houston or whatever, that show we were talking about.

• 1:19:29Speaker 02

  Oh, The Hunting Wives.

• 1:19:30Speaker 01

  The Hunting Wives. I think she was in that.

• 1:19:32Speaker 02

  She, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. How you doing? They're having sex with everybody.

• 1:19:36H. Foley?

  Is it scripted or reality?

• 1:19:38Speaker 01

  You're a fucking dirtbag.

• 1:19:39H. Foley?

  Why?

• 1:19:40Speaker 01

  Is it scripted or reality?

• 1:19:41H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 1:19:41Speaker 01

  Why, what would you want?

• 1:19:42H. Foley?

  I liked it, I liked the selling Manhattan girls and the selling Sunset ladies.

• 1:19:46Speaker 01

  Oh, you liked like the hottest, fakest broads ever?

• 1:19:48H. Foley?

  They're not fake, and I tell you what, they're great businesswomen and saleswomen. They make tons of cash! They close deals!

• 1:19:54Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:19:55Speaker 02

  I believe it's Carrie Coon. Is it?

• 1:19:58Speaker 01

  That might make sense.

• 1:19:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:00Speaker 02

  I mean, she's Gilda Day, she's been killing it recently.

• 1:20:02Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm, that's what I'm saying, I think she's like a very, not very, but whatever, she was, she was around, and then I felt like I didn't see her, now she's in everything.

• 1:20:09H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 1:20:10Speaker 01

  Killing it. Good for her.

• 1:20:11H. Foley?

  Yeah. Man on Fire.

• 1:20:13Speaker 01

  Man on Fire, check it out.

• 1:20:14H. Foley?

  Good Christmas movie. It is, to watch around Christmas.

• 1:20:17Speaker 01

  Why?

• 1:20:18H. Foley?

  It's just cool. It's one of those movies you can watch over again. Any movie you can watch over again is great for the holiday season. Like, The Godfather's always running. That's not a Christmas movie, but it's always on A and E every Christmas. They run that shit back.

• 1:20:33Speaker 02

  I'm with you on it, on it.

• 1:20:34H. Foley?

  Thanks, buddy.

• 1:20:35Speaker 01

  Um, alright, this one's from Wade Boggs Beers. Working in a restaurant, a bunch of us would get stuck working Christmas Eve. We would all, we would have a dip party. Everyone would sign up a dip to bring and we'd have a spread. I'm talking taco dip, buffalo chicken dip, queso dip, you name it, we had it.

• 1:20:55H. Foley?

  That's great.

• 1:20:55Speaker 01

  We would close early and eat chips and dip, drink beers and do white elephant exchange. Some of my best Christmas memories ever.

• 1:21:02H. Foley?

  That's alright.

• 1:21:03Speaker 01

  That's what it's all fucking about, baby.

• 1:21:05H. Foley?

  All dips.

• 1:21:06Speaker 01

  Just all dips.

• 1:21:07H. Foley?

  All dips!

• 1:21:07Speaker 01

  You're sitting in the, you're sitting in the dining room, laughing, bebop, probably going over your receipts, counting your tips, talk, trashing this person, trashing that person. That's what it's fucking about.

• 1:21:18H. Foley?

  I might switch over to all dips all the time. Just dips.

• 1:21:22Speaker 01

  Dips and apps!

• 1:21:24H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:26Speaker 01

  Don't push back.

• 1:21:26H. Foley?

  I'm not.

• 1:21:27Speaker 01

  Don't push, it's a Christmas miracle.

• 1:21:28H. Foley?

  I could do all dips, but it's gotta be different vehicles going into the dip.

• 1:21:32Speaker 01

  100%. Maybe some, maybe some pita, some fucking, some thick crackers, some, some chips.

• 1:21:39H. Foley?

  I love a pita.

• 1:21:39Speaker 01

  Some pretzel rods.

• 1:21:40H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:40Speaker 01

  All that stuff is good vehicles for dips.

• 1:21:43H. Foley?

  And some veggies. Some veggies are nice. I like the snap peas.

• 1:21:46Speaker 01

  That's where you lose me.

• 1:21:47H. Foley?

  Really?

• 1:21:48Speaker 01

  Well, I'm not saying it's not nice, but I prefer...

• 1:21:50H. Foley?

  You don't like cauliflower? Small pieces of cauliflower?

• 1:21:52Speaker 01

  I like small pieces of cauliflower, not when it's next to a pretzel rod and cheese dip. I'm sorry, I just, it's gonna lose that battle 100 times.

• 1:21:58H. Foley?

  If I have pita and vegetables, I'll stick a vegetable in the pita, fold that like a little piece of pizza and then get to dip. Bang. Yellow, yellow sandwich.

• 1:22:07Speaker 01

  I need a pita buffer.

• 1:22:09H. Foley?

  Oh, for sure. Yeah, for sure.

• 1:22:11Speaker 01

  Um, but what do you say we wrap this up, big fella?

• 1:22:15H. Foley?

  I say we wrap it up, gang.

• 1:22:16Speaker 01

  I think you got a little something prepared.

• 1:22:18H. Foley?

  I got a little something as, you know, not to, as we do here.

• 1:22:21Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:22:22H. Foley?

  We do a, a retelling.

• 1:22:25H. Foley?

  Original piece.

• 1:22:26Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:22:26H. Foley?

  Of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.

• 1:22:28Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:22:29H. Foley?

  Which it changes up every year. And here we go.

• 1:22:33Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:22:34H. Foley?

  Shout out to the bozos and the homies.

• 1:22:36Speaker 01

  Yes, sir. Shout out!

• 1:22:38H. Foley?

  Oh, my Con Ed check bounced.

• 1:22:40Speaker 01

  It's a Christmas miracle. It'd be a miracle if that thing went through.

• 1:22:45H. Foley?

  Here we go. 'Twas the night before Christmas. Ready?

• 1:22:48Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:22:48H. Foley?

  'Twas the night before Christmas and all through tooties, Luke was tossing and turning, dreaming of ganja and nerd clusters and all Christmas's goodies. Kippy, the new dad, was wide awake, keeping an eye on little Kipperino so he didn't scarf down all the cookies he baked. A perfect Irish baby, cheeks chubby and red, eyes blue like the sea, and just like his daddy, not a single hair on his head.

• 1:23:15H. Foley?

  Tootie was bombed, cigarette and highball in hand. She was honestly so fucked up, it was a Christmas miracle she could stand. They were all waiting for the Bugman to show up, who left hours ago for a pizza. He's probably coked up to the gills and halfway to Ibiza.

• 1:23:34H. Foley?

  It's been up and down with this guy almost all year long. He thought the past was behind him, but boy, was he wrong. L.A. was brutal and Boston was rough. Then the boys put their foot down and said enough is enough. Just then, the door flew open and Bugman appeared with the pizza and beer. It was him and his best pal, Ryan Diesel. No drugs, no gear, just smiles on their faces and presents and cheer. My apologies, boys, but traffic got bad and we stopped by the cemetery so I could finally say goodbye to my dad. But the pizza's still hot. Let's all grab a plate. I'm sorry again that I showed up so long and so late.

• 1:24:16H. Foley?

  Lukey woke up, rubbing his eyes to grab something to eat. Little Kipperino took his baba. He squeezed his daddy's hand as he wiggled his feet. They huddled around the table and laughed and they talked, remembering all the good times this year and all the miles they walked. A crew like no other, best in the biz, like a Diet Coke at breakfast with its bubbles and fizz. Bug Man said it's good to be back and that we're all still together. He said, "From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry for the worst summer ever." Ha ha. So to the army of garbage, man your battle stations because the new tour starts up soon.

• 1:24:58H. Foley?

  We'll be in Toronto, Austin, Tampa, and I think Cleveland in June. Ha ha, still some tickets available. Never tire or fret because we're still in the fight and a Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. We love you, gang. Peace.