Moment 91 - The "Harmless" Thing You Do That Hurts So Many People! - Richard Osmond

Imagine being different and self conscious of this difference, then think of how it would feel to be reminded of this every single day of your life. In this moment Richard Osman discusses how he has been body shamed for over 30 years of his life. Ever since the impressionable age of 17 Richard has been made to feel small for his above average height. This changed his behaviour and meant that he held himself back from living the life he wanted to lead. Being ‘different’ has taught Richard about human nature and the hate in the world, but also empathy and what it means to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Listen to the full episode here - https://g2ul0.app.link/76tKDDAvlwb Richard: https://www.instagram.com/misterosman/?hl=en https://twitter.com/richardosman?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor Watch the Episodes On Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/c/TheDiaryOfACEO/videos Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Steven Bartlett?

  The other thing you talk about, and I've seen this in a few interviews, is your height being something you've almost contended with. And it's interesting because a lot of short men want to be tall men. And to hear a tall man say, speak as if he would rather be a little bit shorter is quite surprising.

• 0:20Speaker 01

  Well, I'm 6'7", which is too much, is the truth. And, you know, it makes you extraordinary. Look, my eyesight is not, people can't see that, right? Okay, so that's mine, and that's internalized, and, you know, I deal with that how I want to. My height is something that people can always see. And I find it fascinating, again, in this world of social media, when people talk about microaggressions and stuff that you must have seen your entire life, which is if you're different in any way, right, you're reminded of it non-stop. You know, mostly in a people that are not being cruel, sometimes they are. Now, I have a height, so I'm not being discriminated against because of my height, right? It's not costing me anything. But I do know that every single day of my life, I'm reminded of it, every single day, just non-stop.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  And so I know that to be a person of color, to be differently gendered, to be all of these things, I know that the microaggressions I get, you are getting non-stop every day of your life, and in a much more harmful way. So I've always, hopefully, really, really understood the idea of microaggressions and the idea that, please, I hear this every single day, even if you're trying to be kind. You know, if you see somebody is different, they do not need to be told, they do not need it pointed out every single day, because everyone has told them their entire life that they're different. You know, and I know you're just thinking, yeah, but it's just me. You think, yeah, but it's just you and five other people every single day forever. And, you know, I've had that with my height forever and ever and ever, and felt incredibly

• 1:49Speaker 01

  self-conscious. And most people are perfectly nice. Some people are horrible, because some people, it's a really good radar for what people are like. I call it a C-word radar sometimes, this being different in any way, and which perhaps you'll agree with, which is so many people are sort of lovely and chat, but then, you know, a couple of times a day, there's just someone who wants to shout at you out of a window, or just wants to make you feel small, ironically. You know, that's what they want to do. And you just think, why? Well, someone's a bit different to you, and you've got to shout something and make yourself feel a bit better, you know? And so being different in any way whatsoever, I think, really teaches you. About people and about the hate that's out there and about the unhappiness that's

• 2:31Speaker 01

  out there, because that's where it all comes from. And so being tall, yeah, has taught me about microaggressions and has made me try and fight for people who are different. And has made me just say to people, if someone is different, right, just talk to them normally. You don't need to, it's, we never had the word, but sometimes I'll sort of tweet something about, oh, I love this film, or I went to see this gig, or blah, blah, blah. And like 10 people go, oh, glad I wasn't behind you. And you know what? It's a perfectly harmless joke, right? Perfectly harmless. I get it. I understand why people do it. But I get it every single time someone does it. So just think for one second, has this guy ever heard this before? Has he heard this thing before? Is it a fun thing to say to him? Because to me, if I go to a gig or a cinema, it's a nightmare because I don't want to be in

• 3:16Speaker 01

  front of anyone. I go out of my way to be as far back as possible, which when you can't see, it's impossible. Or, you know, sit on the island or cinema, yeah, I take it seriously. And every single time they say it. Now, that's just a tiny example. But recently, people have started saying, oh, you mustn't body shame. I thought, well, that's interesting, because body shaming is sort of something that, you know, certain people would say that, oh, that's what a snowflake, talking about body shaming. But actually, it really, I'd think, yeah, that's what you're doing. That's what people have done to me for the last 30 years. They body shamed me. Like, because they've talked about my stature, and I felt ashamed. That's body shaming. I mean, that's what that is. I would never have thought of it as that. I just was embarrassed. It just made me feel shy. It made me not

• 3:58Speaker 01

  want to go out. But it's body shaming. And actually, having it named, you just think, oh, good for you. And it's the younger generation who do it. They're so great. And they're just saying, no, come on. That's body shaming. And you think, oh, that's such a, such a lovely sort of thing to have in my armoury. They're gonna go, yeah, that's exactly what you're doing. And again, 90% of people, they mean nothing by it. And I get it. But it's just boring. And 10% of people, it's, you just think, oh, you're, you're very unpleasant.

• 4:23Steven Bartlett?

  I am, I never, I'm so glad to hear that, because it's really changed my perspective. Because, and I mean, genuinely mean that. Like, I wouldn't sit here and just go, yeah, I agree. I genuinely have learned something.

• 4:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:37Steven Bartlett?

  And I think, I think it's, I think it's because of how I phrase the question at the start in the sense that a lot of people feel a ton of shame for being slightly shorter, which is again, it's a, it's, it's a point, point of being different. And I've never heard, in my experience, someone say, but it's completely right that wherever they go, they must be continually reminded of, of the fact that they're taller than everybody and how that might, might make them feel. When did that first start happening in your life?

• 5:01Speaker 01

  Well, sort of in my teenage, I was, I was sort of very tall from about seventeen, probably. I was always tall, but kind of nice, oh, you're the tallest in your class. And that's, you know, which is quite a fun thing to be, you know, and that's what you want. You want to be six, two, right? That's what, you know, anyone who's five, nine or six, seven, we all want to be six, two. And yes, so sort of seventeen, eighteen, and when I was off to university, which again is very, you know, so I'm sort of this guy who is much too tall and is awkward about being tall, who can't see anything, who's quite an introvert anyway. And so, and I sort of had this false self anyway, from when he was nine years old and his dad left and everything was okay. So, you know, there was a real sort of storm of things brewing there. As I say, all of which have brought me good things in the end.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  But, you know, I think meant that, you know, I didn't, I didn't live the life I should have done for many years because I was sort of hiding away from things. Some things I have to hide away from because with my eyesight, I just can't, it's not safe for me to do various things. And some things, just my height and sort of thinking I'm going to look stupid. Oh, I'm going to look stupid going on a roller coaster thing. And also what if I can't, what if my legs don't fit on that? And, you know, just silly, silly little things. And, you know, the world will not, the world is not shy in letting you know that you're weird. You know, that there's something weird about you. And certainly that's what I felt. I felt weird. And of course, as soon as you feel weird, you have to sort of, you know, you live with it and your, your, your behavior sort of changes and you're going to go, oh, no, I am a weird person.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  So I have to hide that away or explain away why I'm weird. You know, I'm very grateful that the one thing I always had was I was good with words. I was able to put things into words. I was always able to make people laugh. And so for years, I've been able to paper over the cracks of all of that because I had all this stuff, but I knew that I could sit in a room and make people laugh and I knew I could say the right things to people. And I, and so I sort of, I, I got away with it for years and years and years is the truth.