People Changes w/ Duncan Trussell | Your Mom's House Ep. 871

I want to talk about divorce. Christina P holds down the Mommy Dome with Duncan Trussell for the heaviest episode in show history, the divorce episode. Christina addresses it head-on: yes, she and Tom are divorcing after 20 years, no, you don't need to pick teams, and yes, Mommy is ripping darts, drinking wine, and surviving on one Domino's thin crust a day. From there she and Duncan spiral through cancer, TMZ breaking the story while she was in a London pub with Ari Shaffir, and Duncan's own jaw-dropping family divorce story involving a priest and a jammed shotgun. Then they unpack the International Dick Alert and open some DMs: the guy sending "hey" with one extra Y each time, a Puerto Rican gentleman with a generous offer, the PetSmart employee confusing ferrets and flashlights, aquarium romantic Yung Tang Tang, a Brit promising to beat her vaginal fluid into firm egg whites, and a poly couple charging a $250,000 application fee. A suitor hotline is also officially in the works. They also hit Burning Man hygiene, spray tan confessions, and a trip down memory lane through an 80s divorce boom including latchkey summers, dads' apartment complexes, frozen hot dogs, dancing with sailors at the Beef and Barrel, and the porn tapes that raised them. Too late for you, too late for the lamb. Your Mom’s House Ep. 871 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Emotional Intro00:04:55 - Opening Clip: Bobby Lee Swoops In00:13:52 - The TMZ International Dick Alert00:19:31 - The Shadow Of Divorce Trauma00:30:05 - Duncan's Parents, the Priest & the Shotgun00:42:38 - What's Real: Grief, Friends & Love00:59:07 - Single Gal Questions, Horny Hotline, & Reading DM's01:15:48 - Pet Smart Ferret Guy & More Suitors01:39:06 - Christina's Curations02:03:10 - Self Pleasure In Spray Tan Booth02:07:11 - Old School Porn At Dad's Place02:17:57 - Latchkey Kids02:27:37 - Trauma Bonding02:33:51 - Final Thoughts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Welcome, welcome to Your Mom's House.

• 0:12Speaker 01

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• 0:21Speaker 01

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• 0:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, well, well, welcome to Your Mom's House. I'm Christina P. and with me is Duncan Trussell today.

• 0:46Speaker 03

  Hi. Thank you.

• 0:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anything new? What's going on? Just anything at all?

• 0:54Speaker 03

  You know, usual stuff. What about you? Anything going on?

• 0:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no, not in this slide. Everything's totally the same as it's always been.

• 1:02Speaker 03

  It's summer.

• 1:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Listen, um, listen, I did want to talk to you Duncan.

• 1:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean Duncan, you may have noticed that Tom and I have not been podcasting together for the last few months.

• 1:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've been wondering about that.

• 1:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you may have seen some stories.

• 1:20Speaker 03

  I thought it was bullshit. That was misinformation.

• 1:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Clearly.

• 1:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I just wanted to let you know and the other staff members here that the rumors are true, that your daddy and I are divorcing, but it's not your fault. And it's not your fault, guys, in the booth. And that we still love each other very much. We're just gonna live in separate homes, but we're still your mommies.

• 1:48Speaker 03

  You were bringing up serious divorce PTSD from when I was 10, Christina. This is brutal.

• 1:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Girl.

• 1:56Speaker 03

  You all right? How are you doing?

• 1:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I mean, look, I just want to, I just want to formally

• 2:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  address it to the audience.

• 2:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, Tom and I are divorcing and it is extremely sad. It's, um, sorry. I don't know if I was gonna cry this soon. It is very sad.

• 2:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  That being said, we have tried to work it out for several, several years for the sake of our children and our family. And we gave it all we could, um, but we just couldn't work things out.

• 2:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  We are no longer a couple, but we make the children a priority. And, um,

• 2:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  you know, look, we had 20 amazing years together and that's a really good run, I think, in a marriage, 20 years together. And we, uh, had a very successful marriage. We created this. We have comedy careers. We, most importantly, created a family.

• 3:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I wanted to address the audience specifically because

• 3:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  we've been through a lot together. For those of you that have listened to us since the very beginning,

• 3:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  we've been through Tom and I getting married and living in Silver Lake and being two broke comics. We've been through births and deaths, tragic accidents, cancer,

• 3:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  COVID, all the things. And I want you to know that I'm still your mom.

• 3:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I'm still here and we will survive. We will get through this bullshit like we have gotten through everything else in life. This is just an unfortunate thing. But we're gonna be okay. Tom and I are, just so everybody knows, like, we are amicable. This is not an ugly divorce. Like, we're cool, dude. It's been 20 fucking years and we met in our twenties. Like, we met as kids.

• 4:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, you know, people changes. It's just one of those things. And I just also want to say to people who are, because I haven't really looked at social media, but from what I've understood, some people are taking teams like Team Christina or Team Tom. Please don't do that. There's no need to do it, number one, because Tom and I do not hate each other. We have a family. And, um, yeah, you don't need to take teams. He's gonna host the show when he can, because he's filming a lot of films and television right now and I'm gonna host the show.

• 4:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  And we're still gonna have a good fucking time. Because we ain't dead yet, right Duncan Trussell?

• 4:48Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 4:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you know, some fucking cancer couldn't kill me?

• 4:52Speaker 03

  No.

• 4:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think a dude's gonna fucking take me out?

• 4:54Speaker 03

  No.

• 4:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what's up, bitch.

• 4:56Speaker 03

  Boom.

• 4:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  There you go. It's out. It's out and I feel free because I, you know, it's been, you know, it's been some time coming and I hate, I hate not being transparent.

• 5:10Speaker 03

  Can I plug my dates?

• 5:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was amazing.

• 5:19Speaker 03

  That was amazing.

• 5:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was amazing.

• 5:20Speaker 03

  What you just did was amazing.

• 5:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stop, I'm embarrassed. Let me re-

• 5:23Speaker 03

  You shouldn't be.

• 5:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I'm gonna regroup. Let me, let's just start with the opening clip. This is-

• 5:30Speaker 03

  Well done.

• 5:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thanks.

• 5:35Speaker 04

  And I go, he's looking good. He's in great shape. He's wearing Gucci everywhere. He's got Rolex's Porsches.

• 5:40Speaker 05

  He smells different.

• 5:41Speaker 06

  But I would swoop in on Christina if that happened.

• 5:45Speaker 06

  Holy moly.

• 5:47Speaker 00

  Don't bring anyone mothering to this. Your mama is fucking dead.

• 5:52Speaker 00

  Welcome to Your Mom's House with Tom Segura.

• 5:58Speaker 07

  And Christina Pujicic.

• 6:02Speaker 00

  Welcome to Your Mom's House.

• 6:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're getting whipped because it's the divorce episode. Divorce episode. Oh my God.

• 6:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck it, my life is a garbage fire. Let's smoke some cigarettes and get drunk and eat Domino's. Who gives a shit?

• 6:35Speaker 03

  Pizza. Oh, yeah.

• 6:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God, like-

• 6:38Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 6:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  By the way, like, what a relief to finally be like, yeah, I started smoking again because I'm getting a fucking divorce.

• 6:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're allowed. And I'm allowed because I'm in your vicinity.

• 6:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right.

• 6:48Speaker 03

  Can I use your lighter there?

• 6:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I want to tell you guys my, you know, people have been really supportive and that's really great. And they're like, you should just take care of yourself. You gotta take care of yourself. And I'm like, yeah, I wake up, I take Prozac. I eat one Domino's Thin Crust Pizza a day, a supreme one. I drink wine and then I rip darts. That's my diet.

• 7:11Speaker 03

  Perfect.

• 7:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I've lost like 10 pounds. It's been really good.

• 7:14Speaker 03

  Grief, that's grief zempic.

• 7:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's cheaper. Divorce is cheaper than Ozempic.

• 7:20Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, it is.

• 7:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is nature's weight loss, nature's aids. Yeah, terrible.

• 7:25Speaker 03

  It's just, I mean, these two things intersecting in your life.

• 7:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 7:32Speaker 03

  Cancer and divorce?

• 7:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bro, and like, how long was it? Three years? This is like a three year span to go through like the most horrific shit?

• 7:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  People are like, moving's hard. That's the hardest thing you'll ever do.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  Shut the fuck up. Try getting your balls chopped off.

• 7:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I will tell you, I mean, you under, listen. And also the reason I wanted you here specifically today is like, I mean, you're, you're my family. Like, literally, literally, I'm the godmother of your four children.

• 8:05Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 8:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  And the Trussells have been there. Fuck, I'm gonna cry again.

• 8:11Speaker 03

  Cry?

• 8:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. It's just, you guys have really been there for me and I just want to like, thank you. And like, you guys were there for like, one of the hardest days that I had to deal with. And I'll never, I'll never forget that. Like Duncan was there and Aaron and it was like my birthday dinner and I was just like losing my shit. And, and Aaron and I were like, Duncan, go get cigarettes.

• 8:35Speaker 03

  That's right. You sent me out.

• 8:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I sent you out for smokes. And I was like, I'm so grateful that you guys were there at that point. Because, yeah.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  Well, you're family. My, truly, like, you're, we're, we're family. My kids love you.

• 8:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, and I love them. And I'm happy that you're here for this and-

• 8:55Speaker 03

  Honored that you invited me in. I mean, this is a very, this is an intense episode, huh? This is-

• 9:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, mom's drinking and smoking on this episode. I haven't done that in a while. Well, I've smoked, not drinking alcohol in a while.

• 9:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, just that, that, you know, you knew that you were gonna have to do this.

• 9:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Eventually.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  Eventually, and here it is.

• 9:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you. My makeup's all fucked up now. Okay.

• 9:20Speaker 03

  I mean, you, you-

• 9:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 9:24Speaker 03

  I am actually amazed at how you're holding it together.

• 9:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really?

• 9:29Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, totally. I mean, these things are, these are- You're getting these, like, if you want to, like, and maybe it's spiritual bypass to convert it into some kind of spiritual analysis.

• 9:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's why you're here, dude.

• 9:43Speaker 03

  But if you look at the two great, what you're being taught right now from the universe is one of the hardest lessons and the most difficult things to learn, which is change, the reality of change. Nobody wants to, we all know change happens, but when you get the extreme changes like this, that it's like this bubble pops, like this bubble where, and now you're living in reality as it is versus just some kind of fantasy world.

• 10:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, and the reality that I had for most of my adult life is, is different now. And what's that gonna look like?

• 10:22Speaker 03

  Two decades.

• 10:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bro, I mean, look, and I love Tom and I will love him forever. He's the father of my children and I learned so much from him. And, you know, we grew up together.

• 10:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  And also you guys, the audience have grown up with us. You know, you, you grew up with somebody and then.

• 10:48Speaker 06

  People changes.

• 10:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, they just changes. What are you gonna do? Everybody changes. I changed tremendously after having cancer.

• 10:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I had a total awakening. I completely realigned everything inside of me emotionally, spiritually, physically, I'm rearranged.

• 11:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, and yeah, it is a lot to go through at once. And it feels surreal. Like, I don't even think it feels, it's not even real yet. Like, even talking about this right now, I'm like, am I really on the podcast?

• 11:18Speaker 03

  Is it a dream?

• 11:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 11:20Speaker 03

  Is this some kind of terrible dream you're gonna wake up from? Like, what the fuck? I was doing some podcast with that asshole, talking about divorce.

• 11:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. And I, you know, nobody gets married thinking they're gonna get a divorce. And Tom and I had no intention of it, clearly.

• 11:33Speaker 03

  Right. Oh, I was there. I remember when I came to your place. There's the first time I did YMH. He was, he had like some kind of weightlifting set in front of your house.

• 11:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Outside, in Redondo.

• 11:46Speaker 03

  Outside, in Redondo.

• 11:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 11:48Speaker 03

  Just this little table. And then, you guys, it just exploded into this, one of the top podcasts.

• 11:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was awesome.

• 11:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  What a fun ride. And like, you know, and I give credit to Tom. Actually, it starts with Joe, because Joe suggested to Tom, we should start a podcast. He's like, oh, I saw your wife at the Comedy Store. She's funny. You guys should do a show, a podcast. And then Tom came home and he goes, we should do a podcast.

• 12:11Speaker 03

  That's cool.

• 12:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I go, what's a podcast? And, you know, God love him, he went and bought, bought like a soundboard, like the first rinky dinky soundboard, two microphones. And if you go, it's on YouTube, I think, the early days in Silver Lake. And we're newlyweds and we're, we're poor. We got married with 200 bucks between us.

• 12:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  And just trying to make it in show business. And we fucking did. And it was miraculous. And we have a beautiful family. We have a beautiful life.

• 12:38Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 12:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it's okay.

• 12:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nothing lasts forever. 20 years is a long time.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  It, oh my God.

• 12:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  To be with somebody.

• 12:46Speaker 03

  It is insane. That, that statistically improbable.

• 12:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. Well, what, how long are people usually married? Oh, that's like the first one with Red Band!

• 12:57Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 12:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  So this is, so this is like, this is like the first episode?

• 13:02Speaker 03

  Look at that.

• 13:03Speaker 05

  This is episode number one, Red Band's couch.

• 13:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shut up. So this is a, Red Band used to have a house in Burbank, and here's Tommy Knight, sitting on his sweaty ass couch.

• 13:12Speaker 03

  I remember that house.

• 13:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  No AC. He couldn't run the AC unit because it was too loud. It would interfere with sound. And we're just talking about, I remember, we talked about LSD and, you know, everything. And look at us, so young. I was maybe 32.

• 13:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, look at young Red Band. Everyone's so young.

• 13:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 13:31Speaker 03

  But it feels like that was yesterday.

• 13:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. I know.

• 13:34Speaker 03

  How quickly time moves.

• 13:35Speaker 01

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• 14:05Speaker 00

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• 14:36Speaker 03

  Feels like just yesterday. Like time doesn't exist or something.

• 14:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  And look at those Pixies vans. Those were my most favorite shoes.

• 14:42Speaker 03

  That's so good. Yeah, he's got his cat back there, the Red Band cat.

• 14:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right.

• 14:49Speaker 03

  It's his signature. Weirdly, Bobby Lee has the same cat.

• 14:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, we didn't even talk about my new, my potential suitor.

• 14:56Speaker 03

  I mean, I'm sure one of many, right?

• 14:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Listen, let me, hold on, let me play this other thing from Bobby before we go on. He submitted this video.

• 15:06Speaker 00

  Hello and good evening. Tonight, my most gracious sister will be making ramen noodle. Have a good day.

• 15:16Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 15:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's really nice, right? It's flattering.

• 15:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's see, but here's the deal. I gotta be honest to, like, it's not my priority, clearly. Like, my priority is my sanity and my children at the moment. But that TMZ article dropping was like an international dick alert. And I was flooded with like, every dick.

• 15:43Speaker 03

  Like an A-R-A-L word for dicks. Piszczynski single.

• 15:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  And, you know, I have to say, it is flattering. I have, I have barely, um, yeah, no, I'm not fucking there yet.

• 15:57Speaker 03

  It's gotta be a jungle of dicks in your DMs.

• 16:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, yeah. I mean, I didn't, okay, actually, that's not true. I did know that Bobby Lee liked me because I'll tell you a little story about he and I, like, a million years ago. The very first time I ever did stand up was in the Belly Room at the Comedy Store. And I was so fucking nervous. You know that first set where you're like, I'm gonna die. I'm, today's the day I'm gonna die. And I was taking shits. Like, I had so many diarrhea shits. Like, the whole day, you just shit all day to your first set. And actually, the first seven years I had diarrhea. Anyway.

• 16:31Speaker 03

  Still have diarrhea.

• 16:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, so I was sitting on the couch in the green room and, um, and in comes Bobby Lee and he sits down next to me and he starts like trying to chat me up.

• 16:42Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 16:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, he's like, oh, hey, what did you, what's up? And I'm like, I'm so sorry. I had to tell him, like, I'm so nervous. I have to go take a shit right now. And he was like, that's okay. Like, he was so sweet.

• 16:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I do have a soft spot for Bobby Lee, but let's, let's see the whole context.

• 16:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, let's check it out.

• 16:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because I want to know how strong of a, an offer this really is.

• 17:03Speaker 03

  Oh, let's look. I bet it's strong.

• 17:05Speaker 04

  Really?

• 17:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, because I know that she, she's dated Asians before.

• 17:08Speaker 03

  Two.

• 17:09Speaker 04

  Oh, she has.

• 17:10Speaker 03

  Two Asians.

• 17:11Speaker 06

  So she has that fucking little fucking thing.

• 17:13Speaker 05

  She likes little, little something, something.

• 17:14Speaker 06

  Yeah, she likes the yellow one.

• 17:15Speaker 04

  I think they were, I think they were like, no offense, but I think they were like, they were like gentrified Asians.

• 17:19Speaker 06

  What do you mean?

• 17:21Speaker 04

  I think they were like regular, like, more accessible Asians.

• 17:23Speaker 05

  No, no, no, no.

• 17:24Speaker 04

  No, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, you're like, you're like.

• 17:26Speaker 06

  I'm the rice guy. I carry the rice in the field.

• 17:28Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no. You're like more like food truck Asian. They were like, they were more like, uh.

• 17:33Speaker 06

  Like a chef.

• 17:34Speaker 04

  No, they were like corner office Asian.

• 17:36Speaker 06

  Yeah. Yeah, but I'm more like Roy Choi. Like, I have my own, like.

• 17:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, he owns a food truck.

• 17:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:43Speaker 04

  He owns a food truck.

• 17:44Speaker 05

  That's what he's saying. You are Roy Choi.

• 17:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, you are Roy Choi. No, that's what I was saying. I agree with you.

• 17:46Speaker 06

  Like, I have one called Coconut Cupcakes.

• 17:48Speaker 05

  Soy Boy. You're Soy Boy. Soy Boy Coconut Cupcake.

• 17:51Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, no, no. I agree with you.

• 17:53Speaker 06

  Still cool. You're a regular Asian.

• 17:54Speaker 04

  I agree with you.

• 17:55Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 17:56Speaker 05

  Here's the deal. She's not gonna fuck you, man.

• 17:57Speaker 04

  It's definitely not happening.

• 17:58Speaker 05

  You're fishing. She's not gonna fuck you.

• 18:00Speaker 06

  If, if Tom cheated on her and she was single.

• 18:04Speaker 05

  No.

• 18:05Speaker 06

  I could think I could swoop in, dude, like a fucking little bird.

• 18:07Speaker 04

  Absolutely not. Absolutely not.

• 18:08Speaker 03

  Little bird!

• 18:09Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 18:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was phenomenal.

• 18:12Speaker 03

  Well, is that true?

• 18:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, so here's what's true. I have dated one Asian. I don't know where they got two Asians from. And like, I almost married the Asian guy before Tom. But, you know, that didn't happen. But yeah, I mean, look, I'm, I'm, I don't have a type. Like, do you have a physical?

• 18:31Speaker 03

  No.

• 18:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't kind of believe in that.

• 18:33Speaker 03

  Yeah. No, I don't have a type.

• 18:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's the person. It's the whole person.

• 18:37Speaker 03

  Right.

• 18:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, the type, that's kind of weird, isn't it? Because

• 18:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like

• 18:42Speaker 03

  the type thing, like with the, the, the physical appearance.

• 18:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 18:47Speaker 03

  That becomes irrelevant at some point.

• 18:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  So fast.

• 18:50Speaker 03

  So fast.

• 18:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because you've, sure, you've dated like, really attractive zeros. And after a while, you're like, you suck. Like, your brain.

• 18:57Speaker 03

  It's, it's, it's incredible how dangerous symmetry can be. Because, you know what I mean? Like, anyone could be under that beautiful symmetry. Anything could be under that, you know? And also, like, you were saying, people fucking change.

• 19:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 19:12Speaker 03

  That's the, that's the main point here.

• 19:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 19:15Speaker 03

  Is, like, people reincarnate during a lifetime.

• 19:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Absolutely.

• 19:20Speaker 03

  And suddenly, you're like, with somebody who is just starting a new incarnation. And it's not the person that, that person seems to have died.

• 19:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 19:29Speaker 03

  It's very, it's fascinating.

• 19:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that's so true, because I don't think I'm the same person I was five years ago with everything that's happened to me. Or even cellularly, don't we regenerate every cell every seven years in our body? I don't know, it's like, probably not true. Someone told me that once.

• 19:46Speaker 03

  It's true. That's true.

• 19:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course. I mean, we've known comics, like, remember Ari when he was a dick?

• 19:51Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  He sucked. Like, 20 years ago, he was such a dick. And now he's the best.

• 19:56Speaker 03

  Poisonous phase. I remember poisonous Ari.

• 20:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:01Speaker 03

  Versus wonderful Ari. We, it just happens. I mean, this, raising kids.

• 20:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  That changes you.

• 20:09Speaker 03

  When you watch the, your child's personality

• 20:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:13Speaker 03

  change over the course of a year into like, sometimes a great person, sometimes what appears to be some kind of hell race. You know, you, you see how transient

• 20:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:25Speaker 03

  identity is.

• 20:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:27Speaker 03

  Not to mention, physical form.

• 20:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 20:29Speaker 03

  Wild.

• 20:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is wild.

• 20:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, also, shout out to Ari, because when I was in England, and Frances Foster, I was in a pub in London when that TMZ article broke. And I was so grateful to be with friends. Like, what are the chances that A, I was out of the country, fucking great, and B, amongst, like, old, like, a real friend, like, Ari's been in our lives forever.

• 20:54Speaker 03

  Forever.

• 20:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  And now he's awesome. He's not a shithead anymore.

• 20:56Speaker 03

  No.

• 20:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it was like, the best company to have. And I just, I really appreciate Ari being there.

• 21:01Speaker 03

  Okay, so you're in, you're in Europe. So, like, and again,

• 21:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm in Europe.

• 21:04Speaker 03

  These are the kinds of things that do make me wonder about reality, or do make things seem unreal, which is, well, are the odds that somehow you'd be out of the country, thank God.

• 21:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank God.

• 21:15Speaker 03

  With a comedian who's, we've been with forever.

• 21:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 21:19Speaker 03

  I mean, all these things, the synchronicities, they're crazy.

• 21:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know!

• 21:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  But it's like, it does feel that way, that I being divinely, you know, it's, it, there's all, there's always rhyme and reason to these things. And I'm telling you, I know it, after cancer, I, and I had my, like, awakening and everything. I was like, my life is about to fucking change. Something is a brewing. This is a huge realignment.

• 21:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it is. And it sucks. It fucking sucks. I, I mean, these have probably been the darkest years. The last three years have been the darkest years of my life.

• 21:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, you went through cancer.

• 21:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it

• 22:00Speaker 03

  I went through cancer, my mom kicked the bucket.

• 22:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah!

• 22:03Speaker 03

  Yeah. All these things are sort of piled on top of each other, to the point where you just, you become strangely optimistic, not because the stuff is so dark, but because there does seem to be some kind of divine plan. Apparently, at this point in your life, you are ready

• 22:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 22:22Speaker 03

  to learn these things. And so they come to you. And you, you learn them. And, or you don't.

• 22:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then you repeat the thing until

• 22:30Speaker 03

  You repeat. Yeah. You repeat.

• 22:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm in that place of, of, of reinventing myself, or reassessing myself, where you're like, okay, I said, what happened the last 20 years? Okay, this, this was good, this was good. Well, how did, how did things go sideways? And you, you look at your part in the relationship, and you do an autopsy, and you're like, okay, I can see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And how do I not want to proceed the next 20 years?

• 23:00Speaker 03

  Right.

• 23:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's hard. It's the, it's, it's the work of being human. And like, I, I know that I was given this crazy life for a reason. And I'll make, I'll make sense of it. I'll make something good of it, you know? Because I'm not going to fucking lay down and just die it. Like

• 23:17Speaker 03

  Valley of the shadow of death.

• 23:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 23:20Speaker 03

  You're in the valley of the shadow of death.

• 23:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that what it is?

• 23:22Speaker 03

  Well, it's the Bardo. In Tibetan Buddhism, and also, what you just described, by the way, what you just said, is exactly what people who have near-death experiences, that happens to them. Life review. You're, you're, it's, clearly, you've died. Like, a death has happened.

• 23:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes. 100%.

• 23:42Speaker 03

  Obviously, you're, you haven't physically died. But this is death. This is the, an ending. You know, when a relationship ends, I had a therapist who explained this to me.

• 23:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Please.

• 23:52Speaker 03

  So, when there's a relationship, a third entity appears. It's, two, a couple creates, like, a third, not a literal entity, but there's a being, a sort of

• 24:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  An energy.

• 24:07Speaker 03

  A quality that is formed from the relationship. This is a, a living spirit that is there. So when a relationship ends, that thing dies. It perishes. So it is grief. It is the death of this, that thing that, you know, as my therapist said, that, that won't ever appear, that only appears between two people. It'll never appear again. It could be a different thing, or a better thing. But that thing, gone. And so, so that is grief. And, and, that is death. And then, you have to go through that, which is the, I think that's why they call it the valley of the shadow of death. Because you're, when my mom died, it was like, a shadow was over everything. Everything was darker. Everything was, when I had cancer, a shadow.

• 24:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 24:53Speaker 03

  And so, yeah, that's the Bardo, the in-between, the backrooms, in-between phases of your life. It's just this in-between place that you find yourself. And it's, it, the way you react to it, you could, the way you're reacting to it is incredible. You're, you're keeping, sure, you're eating pizza and smoking, or whatever.

• 25:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Every day.

• 25:18Speaker 03

  Give me a break.

• 25:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, I could be doing much worse, but I'm a mom. I gotta hold my shit together.

• 25:24Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 25:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't, like, have a nervous breakdown for, I do it, I, you know, I would cry when the kids were at school, or, you know, or Tom takes them, and I have

• 25:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  my tears when I'm not being a mother. And, but you're right, it's, it's grieving.

• 25:40Speaker 03

  It's

• 25:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  And, but what a wonderful space Tom and I were able to create for 20 years. And a lot of it is, this was a huge part of our relationship, because this was actually what we did in private, is have these funny, little dumb conversations. And what if we just talked about farting and weird stuff?

• 25:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  On a show? And then, and then it just kind of snowballed. But we had a wonderful world for many years together. So fun, and so silly, and just, yeah, I mean, I got nothing but, like, great memories.

• 26:11Speaker 03

  Progenitive. All these things grew out of it.

• 26:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 26:14Speaker 03

  I mean, you know, not just this show, or his show, but look, look at all the shows on this pocket. Like, all, all of these, like, just, it created all these sparks. And it's so beautiful. That's so beautiful. And, and those are, those aren't dead. Those are still around. You know, and, I don't know, maybe I'm being a little too severe in the whole death thing. I mean,

• 26:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 26:38Speaker 03

  But, I, that's how I look at, like, you know, anytime a, a relationship ends, or, it's just, it's like, it's so strange. It's like, you're sharing this dream together.

• 26:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 26:51Speaker 03

  And then suddenly, you go into different dreams.

• 26:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 26:56Speaker 03

  Different universes, almost.

• 26:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know!

• 26:58Speaker 03

  It's so trippy.

• 26:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's such, it is wild. Like, we, we managed, like, we vacationed together with our children in London. We're not at each other's, like, we are still a family in many regards. Like, he and I have such a good rapport from being together for 20 years. Like, there's no, you know, I, he's, he's, he's my family. He's always going to be my family.

• 27:17Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 27:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, I did, like, one time, I looked over at him, and I was like, oh, that's so weird. Like, you're not my husband anymore. And for 20 years, you've been calling somebody this title, and this being, and this life. And then, and then, just like, one day, you decide no more. And you're like, your brain can't

• 27:37Speaker 03

  No.

• 27:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can't even understand the change. It's, it's so severe.

• 27:42Speaker 03

  Well, aren't you neurologically wired? I'm sorry to cut you off.

• 27:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 27:45Speaker 03

  Aren't you, when you're, like, doesn't your brain actually sort of, like, neurons make connections? Like, there's, there's a physiological component to a relationship. So when you lose someone, whether through divorce, or they pass away, your brain's still wired for that other reality.

• 28:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 28:03Speaker 03

  Maybe that's what produces that dreamlike state.

• 28:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 28:06Speaker 03

  Because your brain is like, this isn't real. This isn't what's happening.

• 28:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I think I was dissociated for a lot of, like, when your relationship is coming to a close. You just, I think I was just dissociated. Like, I was out of my body for a lot of this time. And then now I'm finally back into it. I mean, kind of, just because the news is out, it's like, oh, good. Okay, now, now this is reality. And I can settle into this new normal. And we can start to configure what parenthood is going to look like. What's our day-to-day going to look like? What, you know, how, what's our relationship going to look like? And thankfully, he and I are able to work on that, and work through it. And

• 28:53Speaker 01

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• 29:13Speaker 00

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• 29:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's fucking crazy.

• 29:45Speaker 03

  It's incredible. You guys are still talking and everything's working out and you're hanging out. That's so good. Cause I watch Dateline.

• 29:53Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? No, most people, a lot of people are not as advanced when it comes to the end of a relationship. They, they like go out and buy cyanide. You know what I mean? They go so insane. They're not like, oh, it's a time to learn and reflect and become a better person. They're at the fucking store like, what's the, what kills rats fastest?

• 30:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, look, I don't, listen, I don't mean to think that I'm all peace and love. I wasn't at the beginning. I was very angry and very upset and then, but as a child of divorce and as, yeah, like you, I didn't want to be my mother who was like, your father is decent, that the father is a piece of shit. And I'm like, why? My kids are half of Tom.

• 30:36Speaker 03

  Right.

• 30:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  So if I'm crapping on Tom, I'm shitting on who half of they are.

• 30:41Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 30:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  And if there's anybody like, I know it's hard and, but it's worth it because you're, you're sparing your children the misery of your suffering.

• 30:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause my mother was so bad at shielding me from her animosity towards my father and it just destroyed me.

• 30:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Call your father, the child support needs to happen. And then you're like, now I gotta call my dad. Where's the child support?

• 31:04Speaker 03

  Your mom made you bill collect for child support?

• 31:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, bitch. Um, Annie, does that sound like familiar? That's so fucking funny. Did you have to do that too? I literally did the same thing. Of course. And I had to like sneak it in where she was like, just like talk, you know, like, oh, we could use some more money. Kind of just like sneak it in there. See if we'll send us something.

• 31:24Speaker 03

  That's, I can't believe you did that.

• 31:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  But of course, but I'll tell you something else. When I lost my financial aid in college, that training helped me. She goes, go into the financial aid officer's place and you cry and you tell him a story and da, da, da, da, da. And I was like, that is diabolical. I didn't have to do all that, but I was like, I knew how to ask for money is what I'm saying.

• 31:45Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 31:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because she trained me with my dad.

• 31:48Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 31:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, what was your parents divorce like? I mean, I think this does bring up everybody's divorce trauma.

• 31:53Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 31:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Everybody is traumatized.

• 31:55Speaker 03

  Totally. I'm telling you, when I saw that article and then real, like saw it's going down, I'm telling you, I, uh, it was crazy how I just sort of like quickly repeated my parents divorce. And I didn't even realize I was doing it, but I remember telling Erin, like, they'll get back together. They're gonna get, they'll get back together. And I realized, oh my God, I used to do that with my parents. Oh my God. It's, I'm actually going back to like that, your first like realization of like, yeah, you know, relationships don't last sometimes. Things change. People split up, but it sounds like you guys first reminded me.

• 32:37Speaker 03

  My dad was at like, my mom moved to North Carolina.

• 32:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:41Speaker 03

  My dad stayed, like, we would go visit him in the summer. We'd have to go to the airport. In some, like in those days, like divorced kids would go with some airport employee. They'd take you and put you in essentially a fucking closet with the other divorced kids.

• 32:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stop it. I didn't know.

• 32:57Speaker 03

  I swear to God, you'd sit, you were.

• 32:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause they fly, your mother had to essentially like, you're flying a minor.

• 33:02Speaker 03

  You're flying a minor. So you end up in a room with like divorced kids.

• 33:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  So does.

• 33:08Speaker 03

  Shit toys and everyone's like depressed. And then, yeah, you, you, you fly to visit your, your dad. So I was like, my, after the divorce, my year got broken up into school year with mom, summer with dad.

• 33:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 33:25Speaker 03

  And so that was weird.

• 33:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it is. It's, yeah, that's really the goal here is to keep our kids' lives as, as, you know, seamless as possible. That's the hardest part with all of this stuff. It's like, they don't, they don't need to suffer because we failed at this.

• 33:42Speaker 03

  Right.

• 33:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  And yeah, and my, you know, my parents got married or remarried fucking two, three, five. My mom, my, my dad, I haven't even met my latest stepmother. She's younger than me and I don't know. I don't even know who the fuck it is. But like, uh, you know, it's just, it's such a nightmare. Cause if you've grown up in it, you know how sad it is and how, how, but the, but the thing I've learned is that the kids can tolerate that stuff. As long as you're not talking shit about the other parent in front of them. That this is the key and to not be resentful and not let that failure of a relationship destroy you. Cause I've known so many women, like of my mother's generation, and I think even my mother's divorce just annihilated her.

• 34:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  She could not recover from this idea that my father was her savior, her way out of Hungary. They got married at 18, 19. They escaped from Hungary together. She saw him as her father, I think, as, as everything. So when he, when they split,

• 34:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  she was completely broken. And there was no therapy back in the eighties. You know, she was from the old country. She just listened to Edith Piaf and, you know, I don't know. I eat frozen yogurt and cussed about my dad a lot. So they also didn't have the resources to. I mean, I'm in therapy a lot, like we're double, triple time.

• 35:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, this is, this is modern parenting. Cause this shit was not going on during the divorce period that we went through. There, that was not happening. It was like, just more like what your mom was doing or your dad, there was vengeance.

• 35:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 35:21Speaker 03

  There was vengeance fucking. You know what I mean? Vengeance fucking, which is so like.

• 35:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did your mom do that?

• 35:27Speaker 03

  What?

• 35:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your mom did it?

• 35:33Speaker 03

  I mean, look, this is, yeah, I don't know if she would have.

• 35:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, your dad's dead, right?

• 35:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Cause we can talk. I mean, did he cheat on her and then she flipped out?

• 35:44Speaker 03

  You wanna hear a crazy story?

• 35:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Always.

• 35:46Speaker 03

  Um, so,

• 35:51Speaker 03

  I don't think I've ever talked about this on a podcast.

• 35:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Great. Let's do it. Can I have some more wine, please? With some ice in it?

• 35:56Speaker 03

  Can I have some more vodka, please?

• 35:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep. I like mine Florida style.

• 36:03Speaker 03

  Look, I just want to say.

• 36:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, they're dead. You can talk about them.

• 36:08Speaker 03

  You know, people change. You know, people go through phases. People change. People get better. There you go. Everybody goes through like the poison phase. I just feel like I need to say this because I love my parents so much and they're good parents. Uh, but what I found out way later, way later about, you know, why the divorce happened is, uh, and this is a story I heard and it came from my mom, uh, not my dad, which is one of the things that, you know, is to me was so incredible is that my father knew every detail of what happened. And, and, and my mom, she wasn't as cruel as your mom was, but she definitely wasn't like, uh, nerfing her feelings about.

• 36:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nerfing. What a great term. Did you come up with that?

• 36:55Speaker 03

  No, I, but.

• 36:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so clever.

• 36:57Speaker 03

  She was like very open about like, uh, you know, my dad and all of his issues and child support and such. But yeah, as the story goes, um, my father unexpectedly came home from a work trip. Classic, classic.

• 37:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that the beginning of, um, old school?

• 37:16Speaker 03

  Yes. This is real. It's not just a joke. It's not just a joke.

• 37:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh no.

• 37:21Speaker 03

  And apparently, uh, came home to my mother on the couch.

• 37:32Speaker 03

  And I don't know if they were fucking or just, I don't know what was happening there, but I don't want to know with a priest.

• 37:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stop. A Catholic one?

• 37:42Speaker 03

  No, I think it was, this is Episcopalian.

• 37:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stop. Are they allowed to fuck?

• 37:46Speaker 03

  No, you know, there wasn't fuck, marry people or Episcopal priests. No one's supposed to be fucking marry people, especially not a priest.

• 37:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  But can't they fuck in general Episcopalians or?

• 37:57Speaker 03

  It gets, it gets worse. You know, yeah, Episcopalians, they fuck.

• 38:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sorry. I don't know why I care about that detail. It's horrible. Thanks, Josh.

• 38:04Speaker 03

  Episcopalians, thank you so much. So this is, again.

• 38:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Was he in the outfit? Did he have his collar on? How did he know?

• 38:12Speaker 03

  But this is how he knows. This is how he knew. And I, again, I might be warping some things here, but you see.

• 38:20Speaker 03

  My father, you know, when divorce is happening, when relationships are ending, especially with kids, you do try to fix it.

• 38:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 38:27Speaker 03

  All kinds of things. And I remember as a kid, you know, realizing, I didn't know they were getting divorced, but just, I just, suddenly my dad wasn't there as much. And, but, um, so in one of the, I, what I think was an attempt to make the marriage work, you know, they dove into religion. And I remember they started getting into this thing called De Colores, which is some kind of Episcopal, I don't know what, some Episcopal thing. My father, who was not really a religious man, actually started going to church with us and my mom. And like, it was wild because my dad was always the one who was like rolling his eyes at prayers at dinner and stuff. And like, uh, and I think it was the priest

• 39:09Speaker 03

  at that thing that my dad went to that ended up banging my mom. And my dad walked in on that. And then, as the story goes, went to his car, retrieved a shotgun that he used for quail hunting, went into the house intending to, I think, kill my mom and the priest and himself, and the gun jammed, thus proving the power of God protecting that priest. Like, you know what I mean? Like, and then all of us, the gun jammed, and it didn't work. And so, he just went and got in his car. I think my brother and myself were at my aunt's house at the time, and, uh, had no idea

• 39:51Speaker 03

  that like, for a second, the coin was spinning. The coin was spinning. We were about to be orphans.

• 39:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 39:59Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? And, yeah, but, uh, and so that, that was what, that's my divorce story. But I didn't know it till I was older. I just knew they like, split up. I didn't know like, how sordid the whole thing was.

• 40:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  When did you, how old were you when you heard this story?

• 40:15Speaker 03

  Oh, I was, I was in a, I was like in my twenties. My, my, my mom came out to LA and told me this story that she'd been holding and had been eating her alive for so long. And this was part of her, like, evolving as a human and her realizing that she didn't want to live in, like, a lie anymore. And it was really a beautiful, brave thing she did, you know? It's like, I, you know, every, people fuck up.

• 40:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 40:42Speaker 03

  You know, and people go through insane periods of their life. And

• 40:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 40:47Speaker 03

  Like, you know, but we, that, which doesn't mean you're supposed to like necessarily forgive them, but just at least like recognizing like, my God, everyone goes nuts.

• 41:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Everyone goes nuts. I know.

• 41:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I, I think because my bar is so, is it high or low? Because we grew up in chaos, I mean, myself and apparently you. Um, you just think that this shit's normal. Because you're like, doesn't everybody have a dad that wants to kill their mom?

• 41:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then you go through it and people are like, wow, you're really holding up. I'm like, well, yeah, because the first part of my life was fucking chaos.

• 41:26Speaker 03

  Training.

• 41:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Training for this shit. So like, wow, Duncan, that is a wild story.

• 41:32Speaker 03

  Isn't that wild? That is just wild.

• 41:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your life could have gone completely sideways.

• 41:39Speaker 03

  Completely sideways.

• 41:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what's amazing? I, I mean, I think everybody knows this fact, but when I went to law school for two whole weeks, I just remember learning in criminal law, the crime of passion. So like, had your father done that, he wouldn't go to jail for that long.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 41:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because the court is like, well, yeah, she had it coming.

• 41:58Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 42:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, yeah, you're given, you're given leeway for like, crimes of passion.

• 42:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because it's understandable. I would fucking do the same thing.

• 42:09Speaker 03

  Your brain breaks.

• 42:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would go crazy if I, if that was my story, I would be like, I, yeah.

• 42:15Speaker 03

  You'd serve two tours of duty in Vietnam. You had PTSD. You walk in

• 42:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, he did, yeah.

• 42:21Speaker 03

  on your wife, getting banged down by the priest.

• 42:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  A priest, bro.

• 42:25Speaker 03

  Who you were praying with. I mean, yeah, your brain snaps. And then, but, you know, I, these are, these things are like, I just think

• 42:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  God.

• 42:33Speaker 03

  You know, everybody, you can take anything and use it as an excuse

• 42:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 42:40Speaker 03

  to be an asshole for the rest of your life.

• 42:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  A hundred percent.

• 42:43Speaker 03

  And those very same things, quite often, are the things that you can use to be a better person for the rest of your life.

• 42:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  A hundred.

• 42:50Speaker 03

  There, it's always the same thing. You can either be a bitter, jaded person blaming your victim, you're a victim. The world sucks and everything's bad. Why did that fucking happen to me? What the fuck? Or you, you know, grieve and then you move on.

• 43:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  You go into, but I think the, um, the spiritual crisis awakening I had after cancer taught me that, oh, this is just the soul's purification. Like, all these things are just

• 43:17Speaker 03

  Really?

• 43:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. All of this stuff is going to clean out your early trauma, your life trauma, and you're going to be a clean, I see it as like a spiritual brush, coming in and like cleaning out

• 43:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  the stuff you learned as a kid to survive, like those survival ways of being. And then now is, I'm so lucky that I get to go into the next part of my life with that stuff kind of cleared up. And hopefully I'll make different choices and lead a more in line, aligned, aligned?

• 43:45Speaker 03

  Aligned.

• 43:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Aligned life.

• 43:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because you're like, yeah, that, that life was good for the time. Like, listen, 20 years, but Tom was amazing. And like I said, very productive, wonderful, wonderful. It's, it's, obviously there's a reason he and I can't do the next 20 together. He's going his way, I go my way, and we all have different lessons to learn. And that's the fucking thing.

• 44:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  But yeah, you know what's so crazy too? When, when you tell me this story, I, I think I didn't realize how crazy the world was until like, the past few years where you're like, wow, people do that?

• 44:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  People do that? Like, is nothing sacred? Is nothing sacred? A priest has sexual merit is nothing sacred. And then you're like, yeah, they're just human. That's the essence of human, is to be fallible and shitty. And hopefully learn, like you said, hopefully learn to not be so shitty.

• 44:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. And just, you know, the, I mean, it's, when, you know, like, people like Ram Dass are saying, be here now.

• 44:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love him.

• 44:46Speaker 03

  I do too.

• 44:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't believe he married you. Do people know that?

• 44:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, I think so.

• 44:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like the coolest thing ever.

• 44:53Speaker 03

  It is crazy.

• 44:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's rad.

• 44:55Speaker 03

  But that, that's saying, you know, in moments like this, that really is all you have. Because when you are, when you're getting the lesson in impermanence.

• 45:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ugh.

• 45:07Speaker 03

  And yeah, I know, I know. But when you're getting this lesson, as you, you are, you, you start looking at, okay, wait, what do I really have though? Like, what do I have?

• 45:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  So true.

• 45:20Speaker 03

  And all you have is this.

• 45:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 45:23Speaker 03

  Because, because, because if, you know, my ball was not guaranteed, my mom died, your marriage was not guaranteed.

• 45:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  My tits weren't guaranteed.

• 45:34Speaker 03

  Your tits weren't guaranteed. Then nothing's guaranteed.

• 45:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. And I was, this is so crazy. I was saying, sorry, I hope I didn't cut you off.

• 45:40Speaker 03

  No, you didn't.

• 45:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. I was talking to my shrink yesterday because I, now like I said, now I'm in this place of like, well, what is reality? And, you know, you go through this thing after, while divorcing, I think, where you're like, well, what is real? Okay, so what is real? And I was like, I'm real. My, um, connection to myself is real. Not the personality self, but the real self, the self where you sit quietly and you meditate and you, and you connect into like, the upper regions. That's real. Okay, check. And then yesterday I was like, well, my kids, my love for my children, they're real. That's real. Check. I'm swimming in this pool. Thankfully yesterday I had the opportunity to swim.

• 46:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I was like, this feels great. My body is still here. Check. Okay, I'm going to be okay. Like, those, those things are still here. God, I cried out, fuck. And, um, you know, friendships, like the people that, I've, I've been so lucky in my life that, like, yeah, I have like comedy friends, but I also have people that I've known since I was a kid, like since I was 13. And women that I've known since I was 13. And you're like, well, that's what matters, dude. Like, when this shit went down, those bitches and I were together straight away. And like, they've been with me this whole time. And then you're like, thank God, I, I'm lucky enough to have friends

• 47:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  that I've had my whole life. Because showbiz, I mean, we're lucky that we're show business friends because, and the circle that we have is like real.

• 47:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  But a lot of people in show business don't, like, they have celebrity friends, which is, like, you can't have those. But it's not the same as like people that know you from the time you were little.

• 47:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  And have watched you grow and have grown with you. And I think that's the secret. Because like, my girlfriends are fucking deep, dude. Like, I don't kick it with, with, um, surface level, basic bitches. I just can't. I can't. I can't. And I'm just like, I mean, that's what's real. That's what I've discovered in this whole thing is like

• 47:50Speaker 03

  Love.

• 47:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Love.

• 47:51Speaker 03

  Love is real.

• 47:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 47:52Speaker 03

  And that

• 47:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 47:54Speaker 03

  doesn't go anywhere.

• 47:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 47:55Speaker 03

  And that doesn't get old.

• 47:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 47:57Speaker 03

  It doesn't get young. It just, that's the thing, that, you know, not to like, black pill you here. That pool might dry up.

• 48:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course. The, the house will set on fire tomorrow. The money goes.

• 48:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your body goes. It all goes.

• 48:13Speaker 03

  But you know, one thing I've noticed is like the old, the, I, when I look back and think of people from my past, the bad shit about them, I don't remember it as much as the good stuff. It's the love is what doesn't seem to go anywhere. It's with you.

• 48:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's true.

• 48:32Speaker 03

  It's there all the time. When you have children, you know, you've, it's, and if you look at like, your

• 48:43Speaker 03

  Your intent right now, it's all based in love.

• 48:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 48:46Speaker 03

  It's all based on, you know, loving your children and loving those 20 years.

• 48:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Loving Tom and still loving Tom.

• 48:56Speaker 03

  And that won't go anywhere.

• 48:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 48:59Speaker 03

  And it just, it just is all you end up having left. That's all there is. When you die, that's what's gonna be there. Or you're gonna be all, like, you know, you've held on to your bitterness and you're gonna just have a horrible death. And you're gonna freak out as you're dying and you're gonna go to the Bardo and demons are gonna rip you to pieces.

• 49:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so true. Cause like I, I talk about this in my, um, in one of my specials, how, when I broke my ankle, they gave me ketamine. But they gave me a fuck ton of it, dude, like to the point where I was like in Legoland.

• 49:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um, dude, I was like, what is this? Yeah. And I had this vision of like, what's important. And I made peace with my mother. I made peace with my father. And I woke up with tears streaming down my eyes and I was holding Tommy's hand. And I was like, dude, this is all that matters. This love between us and the family and the children. And, and I was not thinking about how much money I had made. I wasn't thinking about how many dates I fucking did that year, or how much money I had made, or how much successful I was, or who liked me. It was literally like the core motherfuckers of my life and that was it.

• 50:14Speaker 03

  That's it.

• 50:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've been smoking so many cigarettes. I don't blame you. I hope my oncologist isn't watching.

• 50:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sure they understand. Well, you know what they told me? Actually, this is really interesting. I went for my, my, uh, one year checkup, you know? And just like randomly, I'm talking to the oncologist and the assistant and she's like, how's your sister-in-law? And I was like, oh, she's great. Cause Jane, Jane was there for a lot of my cancer stuff, you know? And she's like, you know, a lot of people get divorced after cancer. And I was like, what? Really? I'm like, that's crazy. Why? Can I, at the time, I really was like, that sounds really... And I think because it really changes, it rearranges you in such a way, you know?

• 51:04Speaker 03

  Whoa.

• 51:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know.

• 51:05Speaker 03

  That is fucking nuts.

• 51:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Wait, were you married? No, you weren't married when you had...

• 51:11Speaker 03

  No, I wasn't married.

• 51:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 51:13Speaker 03

  I wasn't married.

• 51:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's good.

• 51:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did you have a relationship at the time?

• 51:17Speaker 03

  Sort of. I was just dating at the time, but it's, you know, it's a hard sell in like, in a dating relationship. Like, you know, I've got testicular cancer. I know we've been seeing each other just for a few weeks, but you're still in me, right?

• 51:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't want kids.

• 51:33Speaker 03

  I'm gonna be getting radiation for, I might need a ride to radiation. I've been seeing each other for just a few months.

• 51:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my God. A ride to radiation. God damn. But I, but I gotta tell you, man, nothing's darker than that shit. Like seven weeks of radiation, five days a week. And I saw people fucking dying in the hallway, like, like, hmm, like legit. There were people that didn't make it that I fucking talked to every day.

• 51:59Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 52:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you're like, oh, that's, that's suffering. Like, if I can get through this and I can walk out of here and I get to ring this bell and like, go home.

• 52:10Speaker 03

  Yeah. And you did.

• 52:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anything else is fucking lucky. You're lucky to suffer through other bullshit.

• 52:18Speaker 03

  That's right. Well, you know, this suffering situation is quite often, the, the pain, this is, you know, it's like, if you're a fish, you're gonna be wet. If you're a human, you're gonna feel pain. If you have a body, you're gonna feel pain. But the suffering thing is, you know, I have this guy, uh, on my podcast, Ram Dave is his name and he...

• 52:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ram Dave?

• 52:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Any relation to?

• 52:44Speaker 03

  Ram Das?

• 52:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 52:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, same guru, same, same community. But he has this thing called the Living Dying Project and he's, you know, he sits with dying people. People who are, are dying. It's like a form of hospice, but he, um, he talks a lot about how, you know, this suffering is, is quite often not coming to terms with reality as it is. You want, you know, this is what, here's what's happening.

• 53:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 53:16Speaker 03

  This is it. This is real. You're going through divorce right now. You're recovering from cancer. Real. And where you start suffering is where you start thinking, it shouldn't be like this.

• 53:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Resistance, yeah.

• 53:30Speaker 03

  And then that's where the pain starts. But when you just fully, fully connect with this as it is.

• 53:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pain.

• 53:38Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, the pain is there, but the suffering is the resistance to reality as it is.

• 53:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 53:44Speaker 03

  And, and that's where I, I will go crazy. Where shit isn't going my way and I, and because I think I have a way. This, this isn't my way. Who the fuck do I think I am? This is the way. It's what's happening, you know? That's, the, the pain is not going anywhere, but the, you don't have to like crucify yourself on the fantasy of what you thought your life would be versus what it is. And I don't think, you can't self crucify, honestly.

• 54:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, absolutely. But for me...

• 54:13Speaker 03

  One of your hands would be up.

• 54:18Speaker 03

  How do you nail on the other hand?

• 54:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so true. Um, but I think for me, I always resist the pain, the suffering. I resist it so hard. Like I, what I learned through this process, like really truly through this divorce process was being able to be like, like you have your good days and you have your not so great days, but when it's a bad day, to not resist it and be like, fuck that, I'm, I'm gonna fucking do that. Like the acting out stuff that you're talking about, like the, that our parents did.

• 54:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it's like, well, what if I just sat here and I sat with the sadness? Like what if I sat with this abandonment feeling? What if I sat with this sorrow? What would happen? Oh, you're just gonna cry. You're gonna cry. And then, and then the sooner you confront it and face it, then you just move on with your day. And then you're like, let's order Domino's. Who wants Domino's?

• 55:07Speaker 03

  Yeah. And you order pizza.

• 55:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then you're done with the suffering and you kinda ride the waves of, uh, of being a human. It's quite a lesson in being human.

• 55:19Speaker 03

  I'm so glad you're saying it, man. A lot of people don't, I didn't, I wish I'd, I wish I knew that a long time ago because my technique has always been to sweep that thing under the rug.

• 55:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Everybody, no one wants to be in pain.

• 55:31Speaker 03

  Sweep it under the rug and get high. That'll fix it. I'll just ignore it and get high.

• 55:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, but I do that too. Like I'm not saying I'm immune to, hello, look at me here. I'm ripping darts and drinking wine.

• 55:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, but you're not sweeping anything under a rug right now. You're doing the opposite.

• 55:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm doing it in conjunction. Give me another dart.

• 55:52Speaker 03

  You got it. Here you go. Look, I don't, I don't, listen, I'm not...

• 55:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 55:57Speaker 03

  All, that's the other part of it. That's the other crazy thing is like when you're grieving, somehow you manage to beat yourself up.

• 56:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 56:05Speaker 03

  Over the way you're doing it. You're like, what the fuck's wrong with me? Look at me, what a mess. I should be, what should you be doing right now?

• 56:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you do that too though? Or just, you're just noticing what a piece of shit I am?

• 56:14Speaker 03

  No. Are you fucking kidding?

• 56:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, you beat yourself up too?

• 56:17Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 56:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so embarrassing.

• 56:18Speaker 03

  I'm always in the ring with myself. Always. How do you win that boxing match? It's like, you only lose if you're beating yourself and but of course, you're just like, I should have been more graceful there. Oh, and my mom was dying. Why wasn't I like this? Why was I down in the basement? Why was I down in the basement reading, uh, oh God, what's that? The Hunger Games on my Kindle. That's what I did instead of spending time with her. I'm like, I just can't deal with the fact she's dying. Beat yourself up for that. You beat yourself up for all the shit that you did wrong in like one of the most difficult situations you could have been in. What use is that?

• 56:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. I hate that I, and I hate that I beat myself up.

• 56:56Speaker 03

  There you go. Now you hate to party yourself back. I'm doing the same thing. It's just like a...

• 57:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  It just goes on and on.

• 57:04Speaker 03

  Self abuse.

• 57:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ugh.

• 57:06Speaker 03

  Yeah. And instead of just, this is, here it is. This is what's happening, including the beating of oneself and all of it. And this is the human experience.

• 57:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Exactly. And it's, it's like a loop. You just go into another thing that you need to learn and then another thing that you need to learn. It's just like, fuck, I don't know, dude. I don't know how much longer.

• 57:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm glad I'm 50. I don't want to die or anything, but like, you know what I mean? You're like, oh, I don't know. This is a crazy ride.

• 57:37Speaker 03

  All right, let me stop you there. Cause right there, you have a fantasy. The fantasy is that death is an escape.

• 57:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not?

• 57:46Speaker 03

  That's the fan- this is the fantasy that a lot of the secularists don't realize. Like the secularist who's like rolling their eyes and what are they? Me and Aaron make fun of this all the time. Sky daddy. Oh, you're gonna pray to your sky daddy? You're gonna pray to your sky daddy now? Look at him praying to, praying to their sky daddy now. He put this mask on and go to the pharmacy to buy Xanax. It's like the, the, the, no offense for the atheists out there. I have friends that are atheists.

• 58:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  And the Xanax poppers, come on.

• 58:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, no offense to the Xanax poppers, the atheists or to anybody out there. But the, the fantasy of the secularist is that death equals extinction. As Richard Dawkins said, death, uh, death is the anesthesia that saves us from the pain of life. Now, this is a heaven, this is Dawkins' version of heaven is being, getting that shit that Michael Jackson did to fall asleep, but for eternity.

• 58:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Propofol.

• 58:45Speaker 03

  Propofol. Dawkins' version of heaven is propofol for eternity. Now, that's a fantasy. We don't know what's gonna happen. But his idea is all the karmic momentum ceases upon the extinction of the physical body.

• 58:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 58:59Speaker 03

  What a great fantasy. If it's true, hell, yeah. Let's hope so. Propofol for eternity? That is paradise.

• 59:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 59:07Speaker 03

  But I'm not so sure. And so the fantasy that upon death, all this suffering ends. I don't think so. I think the momentum carries on. And in fact, I don't even think there's respite. I don't think you even get a breath to rest.

• 59:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thanks for coming in Duncan. This has been a really-

• 59:22Speaker 03

  And it goes on and on and on forever.

• 59:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're right, but you're right. No, you're right.

• 59:27Speaker 03

  So deal with it now.

• 59:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you're right babe. And here's, and here's how I know you're right. I am, and it, this is crazy when you start to realize this shit too. Where you look at your life and the decisions you've made and how they, I mean, to a T, I've recreated my mother's trauma. And, but here's what's really interesting. I recreated what she had to deal with, but now I'm given the opportunity to take it in a different direction.

• 59:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  So this is the choice and, and I don't know if I'm gonna be able to resolve it in my lifetime. Maybe my children, well, obviously they're gonna carry some of this same karmic bullshit into their existences and so forth and so on, until it burns out of this line, I guess. Is it, is it your spirit line or something? Like your soul lineage?

• 1:00:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:13Speaker 03

  I think so.

• 1:00:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. This is, cause this feels familiar, these issues. I'm like, oh, this is my mother's karma. But it's also my karma. It's also my dad's karma. It's the same fucking thing over and over. We just marry our parents over and over.

• 1:00:24Speaker 03

  Over and over. Over and over.

• 1:00:29Speaker 03

  I know. But may I point out some good things here?

• 1:00:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 1:00:33Speaker 03

  Because you know, look, look at what, look what you're doing.

• 1:00:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:38Speaker 03

  What you're doing right now is setting an example for a lot of people about one way to end a relationship. Because what you're doing right now with like, um, a massive platform, filled with people who want to take sides, filled with people who, who want to crucify one of you. If they can't, filled with people sitting here, probably feeling a little bit of blue balls right now. Because instead of coming out with guns blazing all bitter and angry and pissed and saying horrible things. And you are being incredibly vulnerable and honest and compassionate.

• 1:01:21Speaker 03

  And talk about alchemizing the karma of your ancestors. And, cause this is not what your mom would do.

• 1:01:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true. Thank you for saying that.

• 1:01:31Speaker 03

  And I think it's quite beautiful what you're doing.

• 1:01:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you. I love you. You're my comedy brother.

• 1:01:36Speaker 03

  Love you too.

• 1:01:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're my brother. Now let's get on to some fun stuff.

• 1:01:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, let's, show me some freaks.

• 1:01:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, not, not just that, you know, I will be a single gal, uh, uh, uh, soon in, in the world. And I have so many things I don't know. Like Tom and I got together in 2005. This is like MySpace. I've never texted dudes. I've never been on an app. I've never done, I don't even know if I have to wax my asshole and my pussy. I feel like-

• 1:02:07Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 1:02:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that mandatory? I heard it's mandatory now.

• 1:02:10Speaker 03

  I've been married for a long time and I don't know what's going on. I don't know what the waxing rituals are right now.

• 1:02:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Josh, do I have to wax my asshole and my pussy?

• 1:02:19Speaker 00

  I think the bush is back in fashion, to be honest.

• 1:02:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey.

• 1:02:23Speaker 00

  For real? I think so.

• 1:02:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Full bush or landing strip?

• 1:02:27Speaker 00

  Uh, you gotta trim it a little bit. You can't go like full seventies.

• 1:02:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like full seventies. I like the undercarriage clean and then a landing strip. Can I get away with that?

• 1:02:35Speaker 00

  I think so. I mean, the landing strip might be a little, a little dated, to be honest.

• 1:02:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, what do I do?

• 1:02:41Speaker 00

  I, I think, I mean, you know, just keep it trimmed, keep it manicured.

• 1:02:45Speaker 03

  Landing strip, by the way, is a mohawk.

• 1:02:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's tight. That's punk. I like that then.

• 1:02:51Speaker 03

  Triple landing strip.

• 1:02:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, just keep it somewhere in between, I think.

• 1:02:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Great. I don't want to do any of this.

• 1:02:58Speaker 00

  I don't think you want the type of man who gives a shit.

• 1:03:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good point.

• 1:03:00Speaker 00

  If I'm being honest.

• 1:03:02Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 1:03:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a good point. But I, okay, so I did mention briefly that during the international dick alert, I, finally, when things calmed down, I did have the courage to vaguely look at these DMs. And I, I picked some choice ones.

• 1:03:17Speaker 03

  God, you're showing this. This is so, everyone's wondering, everybody wants to-

• 1:03:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so good. I figured, like I said, this is the first time in my life I haven't, and honestly, when I was married to Tom, like every now and then, some guy would be like, you're fucking hot. Your husband sucks, duh, duh, duh. And I'd be like, whatever. But this has been a torrential downpour.

• 1:03:37Speaker 03

  Coming from Instagram or what, what?

• 1:03:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just the gram.

• 1:03:40Speaker 03

  Just the gram.

• 1:03:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just, and again, very cursory look. I'm not looking to date right now. I am not looking.

• 1:03:47Speaker 03

  But you know, why not set up a hotline?

• 1:03:54Speaker 03

  They did it for, uh, they did it for the mystery boys. Why not do it?

• 1:03:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's the hotline? What do you mean?

• 1:03:59Speaker 03

  People, I don't, I-

• 1:04:00Speaker 00

  It's a humunculus hotline.

• 1:04:01Speaker 03

  It's, people can talk about like, um, little guys created using like a call, it's a, it's another conversation, but-

• 1:04:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:04:11Speaker 03

  I'm saying you could have a, like, I understand. And now is not the time. You know, you don't want to go, you don't want to go fumbling into some other wild thing.

• 1:04:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I don't want a relationship again. Are you fucking kidding me?

• 1:04:23Speaker 03

  A hotline doesn't mean commitment. It's just where potential suitors could call and-

• 1:04:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  And court me?

• 1:04:30Speaker 03

  It, yeah, just, you know, give the initial like resume.

• 1:04:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because here's the thing.

• 1:04:35Speaker 03

  And no dick, no, not, I don't know.

• 1:04:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  No dick pic. I don't want that shit. Don't you dare fucking send me your dicks.

• 1:04:40Speaker 03

  You're not gonna get that on a hotline. It's just gonna be a voice memo.

• 1:04:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I get to hear their voice?

• 1:04:45Speaker 03

  And play it on the show.

• 1:04:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right, all right. I like this idea. Josh, can we set up a hotline?

• 1:04:54Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 1:04:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  But here's the thing, guys, like, I'm, I want suitors. I don't want just like dicks. Like that is not my MO. I am not a whore. I never have been. I'm sorry, no disrespect to women that are casual. I just can't. I'm too sensitive.

• 1:05:10Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:05:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Quite honestly. I can't. Um, so I really want to know, like, who are you? What, what are you about? And you know?

• 1:05:16Speaker 03

  What kind of images are you looking for?

• 1:05:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shut up Duncan. Fuck her. All right, hold on, hold on. Okay, so here's some, here's some choice DMs. This, this is, it's really nice. You want to read them for me?

• 1:05:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, I would love to.

• 1:05:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Go ahead, buddy.

• 1:05:36Speaker 03

  Okay, okay, all right. Um,

• 1:05:41Speaker 03

  don't worry, you're still hot.

• 1:05:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you. Don't worry. Your life is falling apart. You're still hot.

• 1:05:48Speaker 03

  It's just somehow just that one, just floating there in that white is so creepy.

• 1:05:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so creepy. Don't worry, you are still hot. And like no profile picture? Like who, who are these people with no profile picture?

• 1:06:00Speaker 03

  No profile pics.

• 1:06:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is that any?

• 1:06:02Speaker 03

  159 followers, zero posts on Instagram.

• 1:06:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  How does he have 159 followers?

• 1:06:08Speaker 03

  Don't worry, you're still hot.

• 1:06:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Eddie, what is this?

• 1:06:13Speaker 00

  We, we removed all the photos to keep them anonymous.

• 1:06:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, okay. So I'm retarded. Okay, sorry.

• 1:06:18Speaker 03

  But still zero posts. That's weird.

• 1:06:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Zero posts, 159 followers. Don't worry. I was worried.

• 1:06:23Speaker 03

  How do you have 159 followers and zero posts?

• 1:06:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. Oh, yeah.

• 1:06:27Speaker 03

  Isn't that weird?

• 1:06:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is maybe he's cute? Maybe he's hot?

• 1:06:29Speaker 03

  Maybe he's Mossad.

• 1:06:30Speaker 00

  Could be really hot. Maybe you should look into this.

• 1:06:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, shit, bring up that picture.

• 1:06:33Speaker 03

  Could be Brad Pitt. Could be DiCaprio.

• 1:06:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nah, I'm too old for DiCaprio.

• 1:06:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, but maybe he's like shifting gears.

• 1:06:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  To 50 year old broads with two kids.

• 1:06:44Speaker 03

  Never know.

• 1:06:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cancer tits. Okay. Um, okay. And also I like that he's like, I know your world is falling apart.

• 1:06:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I know you're just worried about being hot. Like, like being hot is my number one concern.

• 1:06:59Speaker 03

  Are you, I hope people still think I'm hot. You're not thinking about your kids. You're not thinking about your business.

• 1:07:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  My future, who am I, identity? I just hope I'm still hot. Am I hot?

• 1:07:11Speaker 03

  Right? Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God. An anonymous person with zero posts on Instagram.

• 1:07:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, let's keep going. Oh, this one's my favorite.

• 1:07:22Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:07:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  So this gentleman, he just writes, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, every day, all day. And like, if I were to open my thing now, it's just a stream of hay's.

• 1:07:33Speaker 03

  Okay, wait, I, I want to point something out here that's, um, first of all, you gotta look at the timestamps.

• 1:07:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:07:39Speaker 03

  So Wednesday, 6:32, that's the first one. We got a three Y hay.

• 1:07:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Three Y hay.

• 1:07:46Speaker 03

  Friday, 4:43 AM.

• 1:07:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a wild schedule.

• 1:07:51Speaker 03

  Now you're getting a four Y hay.

• 1:07:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a quiet schedule.

• 1:07:55Speaker 03

  Then, 3:01 AM. This, this is a night owl. He should be going, hey! But what, the creepiest thing to me is he's adding, it, it, it's mathematical in that they're adding one each time they do one more Y. Have you noticed that?

• 1:08:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:08:14Speaker 03

  This isn't just random.

• 1:08:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, hold on, hold on.

• 1:08:16Speaker 03

  Count them out.

• 1:08:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, no, you're right. You're right. He's adding a Y each time. And then, hold on, let's look him up right now and see.

• 1:08:22Speaker 03

  What the fuck?

• 1:08:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, hold on.

• 1:08:24Speaker 03

  Who does that?

• 1:08:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, his name is, oh, here he is, here he is, here, here, here. Look, here he is. He's adding more Y!

• 1:08:32Speaker 03

  He's cutting and pasting and adding a Y.

• 1:08:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  And the last one he sent me was 11:24 this morning.

• 1:08:38Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:08:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:08:40Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:08:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Solid tactic. I mean, he did get my attention, right Eddie?

• 1:08:44Speaker 03

  Yeah. It shows organization, efficiency, cause he's cutting, I'm assuming he's cutting and pasting. I don't know.

• 1:08:51Speaker 00

  I was saying, you're like, why did he do that? I'm like, talking about- Right now, aren't you?

• 1:08:54Speaker 03

  Oh, man.

• 1:08:55Speaker 00

  Did a good job.

• 1:08:56Speaker 03

  It worked.

• 1:08:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  He got me.

• 1:08:57Speaker 03

  Gotcha.

• 1:08:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's look at him. Let's see if he's.

• 1:08:59Speaker 00

  So he's number one right now?

• 1:09:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I say he's big? Oh, no. Hold on. I haven't even followed him back. I should probably follow him back.

• 1:09:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's the move.

• 1:09:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, here we go.

• 1:09:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:09:08Speaker 03

  That's the move.

• 1:09:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Was that bad? Should I not have followed him back?

• 1:09:11Speaker 03

  Follow back? No.

• 1:09:12Speaker 00

  Well, he's now he's gonna think he's in.

• 1:09:14Speaker 03

  He's in.

• 1:09:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shit.

• 1:09:16Speaker 03

  Why is he in?

• 1:09:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, a follow back? A follow back means he's in?

• 1:09:20Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:09:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's it these days? He doesn't have to like come over and court me and buy me a fucking dinner?

• 1:09:26Speaker 03

  Let me see.

• 1:09:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's it now with you kids? Oh, he followed you. Yeah, he loves me now.

• 1:09:31Speaker 00

  I mean, if I sent you twenty seven haze and you followed me. Yeah, I'm like, oh, shit. It was the twenty seventh.

• 1:09:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sending.

• 1:09:40Speaker 00

  Before the reply.

• 1:09:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sending mixed messages.

• 1:09:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know. You should not follow that. I don't know if you should have followed him back.

• 1:09:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm following. Fuck, hurry before he sees it.

• 1:09:47Speaker 03

  I know. It's too late.

• 1:09:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shut up!

• 1:09:50Speaker 03

  Did it on the show. He's watching it on the show right now.

• 1:09:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  I requested. Okay, I unrequested the follow.

• 1:09:55Speaker 03

  He saw you follow him on the show. He's sitting in kitten heads and blood right now in some basement.

• 1:10:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shit.

• 1:10:03Speaker 03

  It's kind of a poet, though.

• 1:10:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's cute, though. I look. He's not bad looking.

• 1:10:06Speaker 03

  Very symmetrical. Yeah, handsome, handsome dude.

• 1:10:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  What? What?

• 1:10:11Speaker 03

  This reminds me of an E. Cummings poem. Look at that.

• 1:10:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's cute. I'm serious. He's a little young. I don't know.

• 1:10:17Speaker 03

  Well. Age is just a number.

• 1:10:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's my son's age. Hey.

• 1:10:24Speaker 03

  Hey.

• 1:10:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey. Wait, do the haze and let's do different. What's the first hey? The first one is?

• 1:10:33Speaker 03

  That's just kind of like a hey.

• 1:10:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey. Meow. Meow.

• 1:10:38Speaker 03

  Hey. Hey.

• 1:10:45Speaker 03

  It's turning into like a death rattle.

• 1:10:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, is that where? Because I hear it going up. I hear it being like, meow, hey. Hey. Hey.

• 1:10:54Speaker 03

  Hey. Hey, you fucking bitch, hey. Like, I hear it getting angrier. Hey, I'm so lonely. I'm so alone. The world is an abyss. I'm a spark of zillions in an abyss and hey.

• 1:11:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I hear in my crazy brain. All right, there's the hair guy.

• 1:11:15Speaker 03

  All right, never know.

• 1:11:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, this one always tickles me. I, you know, I love Puerto Ricans. Go ahead and read it.

• 1:11:22Speaker 03

  Hey, mommy. Just so you know, if you need someone, I'm here for you. Love Puerto Rican, by the way.

• 1:11:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love Puerto Ricans. He's not wrong.

• 1:11:28Speaker 03

  Okay, that was, uh, let's look at the timestamp. Tuesday, two thirty nine P. M. That's a decent time to send a D. M. Now we're at eleven sixteen in the morning the next day. That's, that's a decent time and. Come on, slum it with a young twenty nine year old while we get a little.

• 1:11:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sorry.

• 1:11:50Speaker 03

  Come on, slum it with a young twenty nine year old while we get a little high and I eat your puss.

• 1:11:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's nice. It's a nice offer.

• 1:12:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a cool offer.

• 1:12:03Speaker 03

  Oh, God, is that a, wait, which, is that a blushing emoji?

• 1:12:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, what is that? What's that emoji?

• 1:12:09Speaker 00

  It's like a smirk.

• 1:12:10Speaker 03

  Oh, a smirk.

• 1:12:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  What does that mean in, in your language, in millennial code?

• 1:12:17Speaker 00

  Like he's being slick.

• 1:12:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, but is he saying puss or pus?

• 1:12:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's gonna eat my pus.

• 1:12:24Speaker 03

  Hey, let's get high and I'm gonna gobble on that pus. Let me squeeze some pus out of your feet. I want some. Some sores.

• 1:12:37Speaker 03

  Just wanna lap at your sores.

• 1:12:42Speaker 03

  Like a fly.

• 1:12:45Speaker 03

  Let me lap at your sores, baby.

• 1:12:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, but he's Puerto Rican. He's like, I, mommy, let me lap at your sores.

• 1:12:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck, dude. I mean, this is wild and like, uh, do, like, okay, I'm sorry. I'm, I am very old about these things. Like, does a lady go, yeah, that sounds great. Thank you.

• 1:13:04Speaker 03

  How do you respond to that?

• 1:13:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  How would I even begin? Does somebody answer him? Yeah, of course. I'd love to get high and you can eat my pus.

• 1:13:12Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah. I think you need to be maybe a little like coy or something like that. Like, just say like, you know, I don't have any open sores right now, but.

• 1:13:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  He won't get that at all. He'll be like, what? Fucking bitch. Okay, here we go. Here's another cool one. You're a cool guy. Go ahead. Read that.

• 1:13:36Speaker 03

  I would eat your ass whenever you want. Smiley face emoji.

• 1:13:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I mean, as you know, in this podcast, I, I love getting my ass. It's all I'm talking about.

• 1:13:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, all the time.

• 1:13:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ass eating. I just love my butthole.

• 1:13:48Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:13:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Get in there, guys. I mean, listen, I'm no offense if you're into it. I'm not into my asshole being fucked with, really. Let's not.

• 1:13:57Speaker 03

  But like you were saying earlier, you're kind of starting a new life.

• 1:14:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Am I getting to anal? I'm, no. Don't even put that out there.

• 1:14:04Speaker 03

  It's a new life. It's a dawn. Yay, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I will, you can eat my ass.

• 1:14:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:14:14Speaker 03

  You're right.

• 1:14:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.

• 1:14:17Speaker 03

  This is really good.

• 1:14:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Go ahead, Duncan. You're a man. Explain this to me.

• 1:14:20Speaker 03

  One thirty four A. M.

• 1:14:24Speaker 03

  You just gotta think about that. It's one thirty four.

• 1:14:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, well, maybe he's a surgeon and he just finished brain surgery.

• 1:14:31Speaker 03

  Brain, yeah, brain surgery.

• 1:14:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's, he's done with his shift at the hospital. How do you know what he is?

• 1:14:36Speaker 03

  Yep, you're right. You're right. He probably just finished like healing a, a child like.

• 1:14:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:42Speaker 03

  And, and someone said that's, you could never get that tumor out and he did it. Then he went to the, he went to take a break.

• 1:14:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:49Speaker 03

  Looked at T. M. Z. Was like.

• 1:14:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:52Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 1:14:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, and that's why he writes, I can fix you. Because he's like, I'm a surgeon.

• 1:14:56Speaker 03

  I can fix you.

• 1:14:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, your tits look crooked. Let me fix. Maybe he's a plastic surgeon.

• 1:15:00Speaker 03

  Surgeon. Could be a plastic surgeon.

• 1:15:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's super cool.

• 1:15:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, wow. Yeah, this.

• 1:15:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can fix you.

• 1:15:06Speaker 03

  Follow him.

• 1:15:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've learned my lesson now.

• 1:15:11Speaker 03

  I, I just think the people who were lucky enough to, to even be considered here should call the hotline next.

• 1:15:20Speaker 03

  This could be a show.

• 1:15:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  The dating, Christina's dating.

• 1:15:23Speaker 03

  It, it really could.

• 1:15:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Find my next boyfriend.

• 1:15:26Speaker 03

  Next Love Island.

• 1:15:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:15:31Speaker 03

  Get these guys?

• 1:15:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm so not even remotely ready to.

• 1:15:35Speaker 03

  Right now, but in a month or two.

• 1:15:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  A month? Shit. All right. He's gonna fix me, you guys. Okay, here we go.

• 1:15:44Speaker 03

  Okay, here we go. Uh, this is, uh.

• 1:15:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, he starts in twenty twenty five.

• 1:15:50Speaker 03

  This is twenty twenty five.

• 1:15:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Courtship has been going on.

• 1:15:52Speaker 03

  For a while. Uh, hey, literally me at my sister's wedding last weekend.

• 1:15:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Literally, not figuratively.

• 1:15:59Speaker 03

  Now, this is literally me. This is not a clone.

• 1:16:04Speaker 03

  This is not a look alike.

• 1:16:07Speaker 03

  This is me in the picture, just so you know.

• 1:16:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Literally.

• 1:16:11Speaker 03

  Uh, and I, I, I wish we could look at that picture.

• 1:16:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, is there any way to enlarge, enlarge in it?

• 1:16:17Speaker 03

  Or should we not show him? Is that?

• 1:16:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I want to see. I'm curious now.

• 1:16:21Speaker 03

  Let's see it.

• 1:16:22Speaker 00

  Uh, it, it was your story, so you, because he's replying to your story.

• 1:16:25Speaker 03

  Ah, okay. Now that literally sort of makes more sense. Okay, great. So it's some, it's a post of you. I don't know. I can't see.

• 1:16:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right, it's probably one of those TikToks I post. Like, it's not me. It's probably.

• 1:16:37Speaker 03

  Right. So he's just basically saying he was being a maniac at his sister's wedding last weekend. Broken heart. Um, let me know. This is seven twenty four A. M. So he's gotten up, maybe had a coffee.

• 1:16:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  I, I, you know, I didn't even think of the timestamps on these, Duncan. I, I totally overlooked the time thing.

• 1:16:58Speaker 03

  Says everything. Uh, hey, let me know when you want a young, sneaky link to quote lady in the streets and freak in the sheets you. My treat with pleasure, hot mamacita.

• 1:17:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mmm.

• 1:17:13Speaker 03

  Well, it's, what's the word for it? It's passionate.

• 1:17:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I appreciate that. And I have to say, I do like that the young gentlemen are coming out. I, who knew, you know? I do, you, you know, when you're recently separated, you're like, will I attract young gents? Do I have to date eighty year olds? Like, what, what is it?

• 1:17:32Speaker 03

  And here's your answer.

• 1:17:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:17:33Speaker 03

  This is your answer.

• 1:17:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's his treat. Oh, and that's the thing. It's the insinuation being like, it's, it's his treat. Like, he's gonna do this for free. Like, I don't have to pay.

• 1:17:42Speaker 03

  Is that what he's saying? My treat with my, what the fuck?

• 1:17:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  My treat. He's giving it to me for free.

• 1:17:46Speaker 03

  Wow. Wow, the generosity.

• 1:17:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:51Speaker 03

  I mean, those are, are, are qualities you do want in a stepfather.

• 1:18:00Speaker 03

  He's so generous.

• 1:18:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Very generous.

• 1:18:02Speaker 03

  He's generous. He fucked me for free.

• 1:18:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  He fucked me for free. I know I'm gonna die. I'm so depressed right now.

• 1:18:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is my life right now, Duncan? Isn't this surreal? This is the fucking weirdest thing we're going through, like, my D. I'd like, who am? I gotta piss. I, I gotta.

• 1:18:21Speaker 03

  You do, thank God.

• 1:18:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, so we just did, we're back from our pee break and we're going through D. M.'s, uh, from cool dudes that I've gotten. Oh, this one's long.

• 1:18:33Speaker 03

  Okay, good.

• 1:18:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, go ahead. Duncan, you read this, please?

• 1:18:37Speaker 03

  Southern. Can you guys drop the pitch of my voice a little bit?

• 1:18:41Speaker 00

  Hey.

• 1:18:43Speaker 00

  Fuck your husband, Trish. You're the baddest mommy a mom is. I apologize for the situation. You'll have to excuse me at Pet Smart right.

• 1:18:52Speaker 03

  Wait, sorry, cut that.

• 1:18:53Speaker 00

  You'll have to excuse me at Pet Smart right now. I think I'm getting fired because I didn't realize that ferrets and fleshlights were different words. So I'm gonna have to message you later because I think the cops are knocking at the door.

• 1:19:09Speaker 00

  Cracked myself up. The old ferret fleshlight joke.

• 1:19:15Speaker 03

  He didn't say.

• 1:19:16Speaker 00

  Sorry. I'm a bit drunk and I'm not proofreading.

• 1:19:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's hot.

• 1:19:20Speaker 00

  Well, I hope you know that it's all love.

• 1:19:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:23Speaker 00

  You're awesome, Christina. Keep mine tight, sweetheart.

• 1:19:31Speaker 03

  That could be Cormac McCarthy.

• 1:19:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know who that is.

• 1:19:33Speaker 03

  Greatest writer of all time.

• 1:19:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, there's so much about this one I love. He's at PetSmart right now. And he works there and he's gonna get fired because he's fucking a ferret. Is that the joke?

• 1:19:46Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, I mean, you know, he's like-

• 1:19:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a good joke. It's okay.

• 1:19:49Speaker 03

  Funny.

• 1:19:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he is.

• 1:19:51Speaker 03

  And, you know-

• 1:19:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's employed. That's nice.

• 1:19:53Speaker 03

  He's got a job at PetSmart. That's cool.

• 1:19:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love PetSmart. I've got two cats. I could probably use that employee discount. That's fine.

• 1:19:59Speaker 03

  Yeah. Oh, my god. Dog food, cat food is so expensive. So you're gonna get a discount on that.

• 1:20:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I love it.

• 1:20:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, he's, I, I think, you know-

• 1:20:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like to get drunk. He's drunk.

• 1:20:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, and he's hilarious. So it's like, could easily be like the co-host-

• 1:20:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:20:19Speaker 03

  On the show, like-

• 1:20:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:20:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, look how funny he is. Ferrets and Fleshlights? Come on, dude, that's a comedy album name.

• 1:20:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Duncan. The comparison- Ferrets and Fleshlights, you're right. From like the 80s. Yeah, that would be, that would be amazing.

• 1:20:31Speaker 03

  Who hasn't looked at a ferret and thought, "That reminds me of a pussy."

• 1:20:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, aren't, aren't ferrets like slender, like squirrels essentially?

• 1:20:40Speaker 03

  Never looked at one. There's nothing, if you, can we do a side by side of a fleshlight and a ferret just to show how batshit this dude is?

• 1:20:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, like, ferrets are not a fuckable animal, from what I understand. Like, I know people fuck sheep and horses. Remember that guy that got killed by-

• 1:20:57Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 1:20:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I, I think about it. None of us will forget it. No, I think about it once a week. But like, they're like, who wants to fuck a ferret?

• 1:21:03Speaker 03

  It would chew your dick off, number one. They have like dagger teeth.

• 1:21:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, and it's so small. Oh, that's why.

• 1:21:11Speaker 03

  Is he like saying I have a, he's got a small dick?

• 1:21:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe. Maybe he's bragging that he's got a small one. Yeah.

• 1:21:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, so there's a fleshlight. Nothing like a ferret, but I guess pull up a, can you get a picture of a ferret's butthole?

• 1:21:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can we do a side by-

• 1:21:24Speaker 03

  Maybe that's what he's saying is like, what does a ferret's vagina look like? I don't know.

• 1:21:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, look up a ferret vagina. Are they like exceptional?

• 1:21:32Speaker 03

  Ferret vagina. Do an image search. No. Well, I guess zoom in on it.

• 1:21:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, you're a guy. You tell me, guys in the booth.

• 1:21:42Speaker 03

  I guess it-

• 1:21:42Speaker 04

  Sorry, what are we telling you?

• 1:21:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that, is that ferret, is that ferret fuckable is what I'm trying to get at?

• 1:21:48Speaker 03

  I guess it kind of does look like a little tiny fleshlight.

• 1:21:52Speaker 03

  He does work at PetSmart. Like, he knows what a ferret's pussy looks like.

• 1:21:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's right.

• 1:21:59Speaker 03

  It looks like a fleshlight.

• 1:22:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Holy shit, he's right.

• 1:22:01Speaker 03

  It was not a bad comparison.

• 1:22:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Turns out, joke's on us.

• 1:22:06Speaker 03

  We're the fools.

• 1:22:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, we're the idiots.

• 1:22:07Speaker 03

  We were thinking about mouth fucking the ferret. He was talking about ferret vagina.

• 1:22:14Speaker 03

  Almost identical.

• 1:22:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, he's right.

• 1:22:17Speaker 03

  He's right.

• 1:22:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  This guy's a genius.

• 1:22:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I hope he didn't get fired, because now I'm considering dating him.

• 1:22:22Speaker 03

  Call the hotline.

• 1:22:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I want video submissions, not just, I gotta see what you look like, too. Okay, ready? I was waiting for these.

• 1:22:32Speaker 03

  Okay, here we go.

• 1:22:35Speaker 03

  Okay, slide nine is me trying. If you don't read any message, please, watch this video. "I love you, mommy. You deserve the world. If you wanna dabble in the ladies, we treat you..." Oh, this is a lady.

• 1:22:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, and I thanked her. I was like, "Thank you."

• 1:22:52Speaker 03

  That's the only one you responded to.

• 1:22:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, of course. I'm not gonna respond with dudes.

• 1:22:56Speaker 03

  Without an "ass," you just said "thank."

• 1:22:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, what did I write? Did I write like, "thank you"?

• 1:23:01Speaker 03

  Oh, no, they both-

• 1:23:01Speaker 04

  I think you said her name.

• 1:23:02Speaker 03

  Oh, I see. You blurted out with a black heart.

• 1:23:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:06Speaker 03

  Okay, that's cool.

• 1:23:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, that was nice. I thought that that was a nice legitimate offer for lesbianism and like-

• 1:23:13Speaker 03

  Are you open to ladies?

• 1:23:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I tried in the 90s, honestly, and, I don't know. I don't like pussies. Because I know what comes out of them.

• 1:23:25Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:23:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 1:23:26Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:23:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  So do you now. You've seen-

• 1:23:28Speaker 03

  Babies?

• 1:23:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Birth.

• 1:23:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:23:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. I don't know. Too many feelings, too many discussions about feelings.

• 1:23:35Speaker 03

  Right. Okay, so let's put a pin in it. Like, right now, right now-

• 1:23:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right now. It's not, it's not happening. I'm, I'm honored and I'm flattered, quite honestly. Okay, this one's cool, too. Go ahead.

• 1:23:45Speaker 03

  Here we go.

• 1:23:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is a dichotomy.

• 1:23:50Speaker 03

  Just reaching out, because I'm trying to do something special for my wife's birthday. She absolutely loves you and Tom. We've been together five years. We have a three-year-old son. And I'm just hoping we could come up with something to surprise her for her birthday. I'm in a hard spot, because we currently aren't together. But co-parent, I'm trying to prove to her that I could do something right. I'll dick you down if you're interested. I know that's upfront, but it's true.

• 1:24:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's true, but it's true.

• 1:24:17Speaker 03

  They will dick you down. I'll dick you down, all the way down.

• 1:24:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Down to chutzpah.

• 1:24:24Speaker 03

  I'll dick you down.

• 1:24:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dick you down. "I'll dick you down if you're interested. I know that's upfront, but it's, it is true." He's, he's letting me know. It's a true statement.

• 1:24:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's true.

• 1:24:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, I wouldn't think he'd falsely offer me a dicking down.

• 1:24:39Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:24:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  What would somebody be like, "JK, I'm JK."

• 1:24:42Speaker 03

  Well, that, that shows the compassionate side of him, because he, he feels like you might be in a place mentally where you're like, he can't really mean it.

• 1:24:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, I'm so broken and vulnerable. Like, who would wanna dick me down? You mean it? Reply, follow.

• 1:25:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's cool.

• 1:25:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I, I respect it. I respect it. I like the upfront. I like truth. It's good. I mean, I don't know, dude. Like, I don't like being lied to, so I guess that's kinda nice.

• 1:25:12Speaker 03

  He's telling, here's what we know. Telling the truth.

• 1:25:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Telling the truth. I like that.

• 1:25:16Speaker 03

  Great dad.

• 1:25:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Great dad, co-parent.

• 1:25:17Speaker 03

  Three-year-old son, and that, so that's, both of you would get an addition to your family.

• 1:25:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  True.

• 1:25:24Speaker 03

  You know what I mean?

• 1:25:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  A blended family.

• 1:25:25Speaker 03

  A blended family is beautiful.

• 1:25:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, shit. Well, he's got, listen, here's my, I'm gonna say no, only because he has a three-year-old son. I already have two sons. Adding a third boy to my family?

• 1:25:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Insanity. I mean, you've got four kids. Who's better behaved, the boys or the girls?

• 1:25:45Speaker 03

  Oh, that fantasy's out the window.

• 1:25:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  More wine, please?

• 1:25:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, it just, it rotates. But yeah, that, but then again, we don't know, we don't know what his son's like. I just, I think, and listen, listen, obviously, it's, this is, you have to listen to your heart on this one. But I would say have him call the hotline. I mean, at least dig a little deeper, you know?

• 1:26:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I, can I, can we change the hotline to video submissions?

• 1:26:10Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:26:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, I want to see you. I need to see that you're sane. I need to see like what's going on.

• 1:26:15Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:26:17Speaker 03

  That would be cool. A little, like a mont, a quick montage of like, what's your life like? Where do you work? You know, or whatever. Be creative.

• 1:26:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, be creative. I'd like to know, like, don't tell me the basics, because like, look, let's be honest. I'm a single mother, okay? I've already got money. I'm not interested in money. I never was interested in money, quite honestly. I married a broke comic. I was never in it for the money.

• 1:26:38Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:26:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm looking for personality.

• 1:26:40Speaker 03

  Personality.

• 1:26:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Love.

• 1:26:42Speaker 03

  Love.

• 1:26:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Being emotionally connected.

• 1:26:44Speaker 03

  Emotionally connected.

• 1:26:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  What else? I mean, I'm not even really looking. I shouldn't even be fucking, I'm just looking to get through this Domino's pizza that's on the floor right now.

• 1:26:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:26:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I don't know. I don't know. Let me think about it. Okay, but thank you for the offer, sir. Uh, let's see.

• 1:27:02Speaker 03

  Okay. Don't go for Bobby Lee. Go for young Tank Tang. Come on, please. I'm only 23 and ready to parent your kids.

• 1:27:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 1:27:17Speaker 03

  Please. He's begging to be a dad.

• 1:27:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pleeeeee, oh, he's so stupid. He doesn't know what he's asking for.

• 1:27:24Speaker 03

  Freaking Tank Tang. What is that? Wait, that's not his name. That's a saying, right? What, what does that mean?

• 1:27:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is this, kids?

• 1:27:31Speaker 03

  It sounds like a goblin's name, but I don't think it's a name. It's like, that's some kind of saying.

• 1:27:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:27:36Speaker 04

  I've never heard of it.

• 1:27:37Speaker 03

  It's like, Tank Tang.

• 1:27:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Young Tank Tang.

• 1:27:40Speaker 03

  Can we Google Tank Tang?

• 1:27:42Speaker 04

  That might be his name.

• 1:27:44Speaker 03

  His name is Tank Tang?

• 1:27:46Speaker 04

  His nickname or something.

• 1:27:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  But isn't Tang short for poon tang?

• 1:27:50Speaker 03

  That's what I was thinking.

• 1:27:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I don't imagine that's a dick thing, yeah.

• 1:27:53Speaker 03

  He could be like a, a, somebody who drives a tank.

• 1:27:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait a minute, maybe it's a woman.

• 1:27:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe he's got, she's got Tank, Tank, Tank Tang.

• 1:28:02Speaker 03

  A tank, a tang tank.

• 1:28:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's into fishes and aquariums.

• 1:28:10Speaker 03

  A Tang Tang requires a large saltwater setup. Yeah, he's a, this is an aquarium man.

• 1:28:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, he's, he's into fish. Okay.

• 1:28:16Speaker 03

  And they're romantic. People who are into aquariums now, cause like the snake dudes are fucked up.

• 1:28:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:28:21Speaker 03

  The aquarium dudes, these are artists. These are philosophers.

• 1:28:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes. And, and committed.

• 1:28:27Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:28:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's, he's committed to keeping that tank clean. You know how they get moldy like so fast?

• 1:28:33Speaker 03

  It's a nightmare.

• 1:28:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a nightmare. You have to clean the rocks with the vacuum. You gotta clean the sides of the, the tank.

• 1:28:38Speaker 03

  The fish get that ick or whatever it's called and they get sick.

• 1:28:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. No, this is high maintenance. He's, he's all about taking care of me, which I, I'm really excited about.

• 1:28:48Speaker 03

  Yeah. I, I love it. I don't know why he's, he's calling himself Tank Tang though. That's, I think he's calling, I don't think, so when you look up, wait.

• 1:28:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  But it require, oh, let's read what it is. A Tang, a Tang tank requires a large saltwater setup with strong water flow.

• 1:29:04Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:29:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  He needs a lot of water.

• 1:29:06Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:29:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Extensive live rock and plenty of open swimming space.

• 1:29:09Speaker 03

  And you were just talking about being in your pool.

• 1:29:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love swimming.

• 1:29:11Speaker 03

  That's a synchronicity.

• 1:29:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:16Speaker 03

  You have to follow the signs. That's a synchronicity.

• 1:29:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you're right. You're right. You're right.

• 1:29:20Speaker 03

  Follow him back.

• 1:29:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love water. I love the ocean. I love fish.

• 1:29:23Speaker 03

  Me too.

• 1:29:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm. Okay. Well, that's a contender. Mark this one. Okay, Josh? We're gonna get back to him. I'm gonna follow him.

• 1:29:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, go ahead.

• 1:29:32Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:29:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:38Speaker 03

  Now that you're single, you know, tongue punch your fart box. Tongue punch your fart box.

• 1:29:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I like the play, I like the silliness of the words.

• 1:29:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:29:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  But like, what is this about eating my asshole? Like, is this a common, is this what kids just do now? They go straight for the?

• 1:29:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, totally.

• 1:29:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's straight for, what about the vag? What about the vagina? What happened to the vagina?

• 1:30:03Speaker 03

  That's like the, the ass is the appetizer.

• 1:30:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is this true?

• 1:30:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, everyone's eating ass.

• 1:30:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're 50. Ask the, the kids. Duncan's spot on.

• 1:30:14Speaker 00

  It's a, it's a sign that you're really committed. You're so committed, you're willing to eat an ass.

• 1:30:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:30:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, he's into me.

• 1:30:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:30:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, guys. See, this is why I need you guys. Cause I don't, I don't read it that way.

• 1:30:24Speaker 03

  Well, the tongue punch part is important. You have to, cause you know, there's obviously modes of eating ass.

• 1:30:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 1:30:30Speaker 03

  There's the, you know, just licking the ass.

• 1:30:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:30:34Speaker 03

  And then there is, is this person so romantically, poetically put it, there's the tongue punch.

• 1:30:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 1:30:41Speaker 03

  This is where you're inserting your tongue, obviously into the ass. And in this case, he's like, it's like a woodpecker. Yeah.

• 1:30:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait. Oh, oh, so, oh, I see. Gosh, you know, I'm so glad you're here for this because you see these subtleties that I didn't even understand.

• 1:30:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:30:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. So he's really aggressively gonna eat my ass.

• 1:31:01Speaker 03

  Passionately, aggressive. It's a tongue punch. He's pushing through. You might be resisting.

• 1:31:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you're not.

• 1:31:09Speaker 03

  No, you're not.

• 1:31:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you're not.

• 1:31:11Speaker 03

  No. He's gonna punch his tongue.

• 1:31:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Punch it.

• 1:31:13Speaker 03

  Through and in.

• 1:31:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so cool.

• 1:31:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:31:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  And look at the timestamp.

• 1:31:19Speaker 03

  2:48 AM.

• 1:31:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Can we see it? Can you look at, can we look at his profile real quick? I'm just so curious. Do you, or is it blurred for life? We can't see.

• 1:31:34Speaker 03

  82 followers. 82 followers, five posts.

• 1:31:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, that's a lot of followers for five posts. Tongue punch or fart box. I didn't even know that was a phrase.

• 1:31:44Speaker 03

  Well, I would say that is him embracing your shadow side.

• 1:31:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I know. I'm, I like it. Listen, it's flattering.

• 1:31:49Speaker 03

  I don't even know if he's talking about eating ass. He, that could just be a way of saying like, I'm gonna embrace everything that you are.

• 1:31:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:31:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:31:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Duncan?

• 1:31:57Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah. Everything.

• 1:32:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so sweet.

• 1:32:02Speaker 03

  Sweet.

• 1:32:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't even think of it that way.

• 1:32:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:32:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's like, even the dirtiest, filthiest part of you, I will embrace and love.

• 1:32:09Speaker 03

  More than embrace. You know, tongue punch.

• 1:32:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow, that's so cool, dude. All right, let's, let's keep going. Cause these are just getting better and better.

• 1:32:18Speaker 03

  Uh, this one's cool. Uh, hey, if you need some dick, just let me know.

• 1:32:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just let me know.

• 1:32:23Speaker 03

  That's amazing. It's casual.

• 1:32:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes. I, I like, I like that because he's like, hey, I'm here. It's like putting out a hanky.

• 1:32:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:32:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, like, hey, I'm just, if you wanna court me, like, I'm here.

• 1:32:38Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:32:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just letting you know.

• 1:32:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:32:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I kinda like that, but I, you know, just, I don't know.

• 1:32:45Speaker 03

  I mean, this is, this is what I do with my neighbors. When I move into a place, I just, not a hanky. I'm just like, hey, if you need some dick, let me know. Milk, whatever. Milk or dick. Just let me know.

• 1:32:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just let me know. Yeah. So casual. I do like the, the casualness of it. Like no pressure. I like that there's no, cause I don't like the aggressive plays. Let me, let me dick you down and tongue punch your butt. Like, I like that he's like, just let me know. It's, it's just there. If you wanna pick it up, I put it down there. It's for you. It's for the lady's choice.

• 1:33:17Speaker 03

  Lady's choice, 8:19 PM. So it's a decent time to text that to someone.

• 1:33:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a decent time. You're right. It's a dignified time.

• 1:33:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:33:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's gainfully employed. Like he's.

• 1:33:28Speaker 03

  For sure.

• 1:33:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's doing something right. Okay. Uh, let's keep going.

• 1:33:33Speaker 03

  Okay, this is a picture of me.

• 1:33:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  But then there's no picture.

• 1:33:37Speaker 03

  Now that, that's who you want. This, this one gets my vote because this is so deep.

• 1:33:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 1:33:46Speaker 03

  When, when you think of yourself, you know, when you really look deep into like, who am I?

• 1:33:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 1:33:53Speaker 03

  Nothing.

• 1:33:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nothingness. I am no self.

• 1:33:55Speaker 03

  The more you zoom in, the more granular it gets until there's just.

• 1:33:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 1:34:00Speaker 03

  The great emptiness.

• 1:34:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 1:34:02Speaker 03

  This is an awakened being showing you, look, this is a picture of me. Nothing. The universe, everything. Nothing and everything together.

• 1:34:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, I'm so glad you're doing this with me. Like, you're seeing stuff that I didn't even think about, bro. And not only that, it's 6:13 AM. He's up doing yoga, probably.

• 1:34:22Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:34:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Drinking his matcha, like, ready to embrace the day.

• 1:34:25Speaker 03

  My guess is he's meditating and did this with his mind into his phone. Like, what, this is a, this is an advanced being.

• 1:34:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Bookmark this one. Okay, Josh, put this one aside.

• 1:34:36Speaker 03

  Look at the number of followers. How many? Synchronicity! Oh my God. 333. Angel numbers. Oh my God. This could be an angel!

• 1:34:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my God!

• 1:34:51Speaker 03

  333. Look at that. Three threes. That makes, it's nine. Three threes. That's nine. That's the trinity. That's.

• 1:34:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow. Number nine?

• 1:35:01Speaker 03

  What? Yeah.

• 1:35:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's the Beatles. Number nine?

• 1:35:03Speaker 03

  Oh my God. Number nine, number nine.

• 1:35:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Is that what that is? Is that what that means?

• 1:35:07Speaker 03

  Yeah. Not, these are very sacred numbers. These are angel numbers.

• 1:35:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  He knows that. And he knows that. And that's why he waited until he got to 333 followers and he waited till 6:13.

• 1:35:20Speaker 03

  Which 13, by the way, is a sacred number in Tibetan Buddhism.

• 1:35:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  He knew that. This guy's awesome. Josh, call him up. I mean, find him.

• 1:35:28Speaker 03

  Call him.

• 1:35:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Get him to submit. You got it.

• 1:35:36Speaker 03

  Can I have another? What do you call those things again?

• 1:35:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Darts, darts.

• 1:35:38Speaker 03

  Can I have a dart? Thank you.

• 1:35:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is, we're on a crazy train, dude. Give, give me a logo. Give me a, you know what's so great? When I was in the UK, you know, they put all these creepy pictures of like death and stuff on these cigarettes?

• 1:35:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:35:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so much better than the fucking logo. Like, little do they know, I'm like, yo, I want the eyeball. I want the fucking clogged arteries.

• 1:36:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, they really don't understand. What did, what did, who was it? What did, didn't Freud say, what did he call it? The death?

• 1:36:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  The death wish.

• 1:36:07Speaker 03

  The death wish. They don't understand that that's actually just amplifying people's addiction.

• 1:36:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's called marketing. It's so brilliant. All right, let's go on. This is the last one, you guys. It's like, send you more. Here we go. Wow, this one's a fucking dissertation.

• 1:36:21Speaker 03

  Can you scroll? Do you mind scrolling down a little bit? I can't see the top part. I could just start where, is that, okay. The top, I get it. You had to blur the top. Okay. I have no money and no clout.

• 1:36:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:32Speaker 03

  I'm a good dude.

• 1:36:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:36:34Speaker 03

  And I know I can outfuck Tom with both my hands and a leg tied behind my back.

• 1:36:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. Tom's a pretty great leg.

• 1:36:43Speaker 03

  I'll shag the absolute snot out of you and make you feel sexy like you deserve. Hey, nothing is sexier than getting fucked to the point that snot is flying out your nose.

• 1:36:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that a thing?

• 1:36:57Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:36:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know that was even a thing or a.

• 1:37:00Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:37:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh no, he's British. I'll shag the absolute snot out of you and make you feel sexy like you deserve. You have to read it with a.

• 1:37:07Speaker 03

  All right, I'll try. I'm not very good at that.

• 1:37:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stupid English accent.

• 1:37:10Speaker 03

  A leg tied behind me back. I'll shag the absolute snot out of you and make you feel sexy like you deserve.

• 1:37:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 1:37:17Speaker 03

  I'll beat that vaginal fluid into firm egg whites. I'll give you more pleasure in one hour than Tom has in your whole marriage. The after.

• 1:37:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:37:29Speaker 03

  The.

• 1:37:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  The? Well, hold on. Period. Lowercase the, comma.

• 1:37:34Speaker 03

  The after giving you that. Wait, what?

• 1:37:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know, dude.

• 1:37:39Speaker 03

  After giving you the, that sexual healing you deserve. We may, we may well hit it off, because I'll, I'll actually, I'm actually a good, I'm actually a good dude. If we happen to hit it off on multiple levels, I'd be willing to make you happy as we live our best loves. I don't know what accent this is. I'll just go back to me. It's like, this is a hard one.

• 1:38:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it. I love it.

• 1:38:02Speaker 03

  As we live our best loves, spinning that divorce settlement.

• 1:38:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  You turn Australian. You kinda, that's great.

• 1:38:10Speaker 03

  Warps. Holler!

• 1:38:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Holler!

• 1:38:12Speaker 03

  So this, okay, wow. This is.

• 1:38:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Holler. Does people, people still say holler?

• 1:38:17Speaker 03

  He does.

• 1:38:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, there's a lot here. There's a lot of offers.

• 1:38:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, this is, you know, this is what we call champagne problems.

• 1:38:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right. A hundred percent. Listen.

• 1:38:30Speaker 03

  This is incredible. Like, I mean, like, in a lifetime.

• 1:38:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:38:34Speaker 03

  Does anyone get this many beautiful men tapping at their door? And I know right now, obviously.

• 1:38:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm too heartbroken. I'm not ready.

• 1:38:44Speaker 03

  You're not ready. But at least, you know, people are bringing you flowers.

• 1:38:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:48Speaker 03

  People are writing you poems. Though, you know, it would be easy, once you're in the bubble of marriage, to think that there are no more gentlemen.

• 1:38:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 1:38:57Speaker 03

  And this.

• 1:38:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:38:58Speaker 03

  Shows that romance is not dead.

• 1:39:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. It does, it does reignite my, my belief in humanity. And I've never heard that he, somebody beating your vaginal fluid into firm egg, firm egg whites.

• 1:39:13Speaker 03

  Firm.

• 1:39:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that possible? Is that a thing? I don't know.

• 1:39:17Speaker 03

  I mean, I just want to point out, you know, he did say, I mean, you haven't experienced it with Tom. But, you know, if, for me, if like, I don't see snot flying out of my lady's head, and if I'm, if there aren't just pulpy egg white gloopy blobs falling out.

• 1:39:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it sounds like he's with women that have infections. I don't think that's appropriate. Yeah.

• 1:39:44Speaker 03

  With Ebola.

• 1:39:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the egg white. I don't, I don't think your vaginal fluid should turn into egg whites.

• 1:39:50Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:39:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's not good.

• 1:39:51Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:39:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, no, it's not healthy.

• 1:39:53Speaker 03

  People with colds and yeast infections.

• 1:39:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, see, see, soft peak. Okay, maybe. I don't know, not even that. Like, what? And by the way, I fucked Tom for 20 years. You're gonna make it up to me in one hour? 20 years of fucking? And Tom had a great sex life. What are you talking about?

• 1:40:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, well.

• 1:40:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:40:14Speaker 03

  I mean, yeah, it's, I would say it's improbable.

• 1:40:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's improbable. Is it possible? Yes, is it probable? No.

• 1:40:19Speaker 03

  He should get points, though, for, you know, confidence. This is a man who's very confident.

• 1:40:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 1:40:25Speaker 03

  And that's such an important trait in a dad.

• 1:40:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:28Speaker 03

  You don't want some insecure step.

• 1:40:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did you see that?

• 1:40:31Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:40:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I almost lit my hair on fire.

• 1:40:33Speaker 03

  Synchronicity.

• 1:40:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Synchronicity.

• 1:40:37Speaker 03

  Follow the signs.

• 1:40:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  You nailed it. You nailed it. I love these synchronicities. Yeah. Egg whites. Disgusting. Have you guys ever fucked a girl until her fluid turned into egg whites? Is that even a?

• 1:40:50Speaker 05

  I don't think you want that.

• 1:40:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I wouldn't like that, I don't think. It's possible, but you get tired up pretty quickly.

• 1:40:56Speaker 03

  What's this thing about fluid and vaginas? Usually when I make love to women, they're very dry and.

• 1:41:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was so funny.

• 1:41:08Speaker 03

  What is this?

• 1:41:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I gotta tell you, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time, so thank you so much. This has been a dark fucking month, and, um.

• 1:41:17Speaker 03

  We're here for you.

• 1:41:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why am I crying about laughing? That was really funny.

• 1:41:23Speaker 03

  What do you mean?

• 1:41:27Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:41:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  That made me laugh so hard. Shit.

• 1:41:31Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:41:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, fuck, I love you. I'm just so glad we're friends. Okay.

• 1:41:35Speaker 03

  Me too.

• 1:41:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now, look, I've gone through my potential dating. You know what I love more than anything are my talks. And do you think I'm gonna fucking give up cultivating TikToks?

• 1:41:46Speaker 03

  I hope not.

• 1:41:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Never. Never gonna give up.

• 1:41:48Speaker 03

  It's a relief.

• 1:41:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right, here we go. Let's get this fucking bitch started.

• 1:41:54Speaker 03

  I'm so glad you're doing this. I was afraid I'd be left out of this episode. I wouldn't blame you if it was.

• 1:41:59Speaker 05

  We got five fans going in this bedroom here. We have a 1986 Galaxy 3713, a 1989 Galaxy 3723, a 1980 TekTong 16-inch oscillating table fan, model LBJ116, a 2003 Alasko Cyclone 18-inch oscillating pedestal fan, and the 1997, 1996, 97, Alasko 3723, all running on full blast at once. Cyclone 747 here. This is how we'll be sleeping tonight.

• 1:42:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:42:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, dude. Have a good night.

• 1:42:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you.

• 1:42:38Speaker 03

  Good night.

• 1:42:42Speaker 03

  The hottest man on earth.

• 1:42:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, look, I will say, this guy's AC system's better than mine.

• 1:42:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:42:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's got like 10 fans running from the 70s and shit. I mean, is that what he said? Like, they're from like?

• 1:42:55Speaker 03

  Wow, and he knows the names? That was not written down. Like, he's looking at them, he knows exactly what they are.

• 1:43:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Off the cuff.

• 1:43:02Speaker 03

  Off the cuff.

• 1:43:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like the, personally, my favorite fan is the blue one, the old school one.

• 1:43:08Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, I love those.

• 1:43:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Those are like classic. They work the best. You can put things in them and play with them.

• 1:43:13Speaker 03

  I don't like box fans.

• 1:43:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't either. They take up too much room.

• 1:43:16Speaker 03

  They fall over all the time. Yeah.

• 1:43:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  And they don't oscillate. Like, the secret is the movement.

• 1:43:22Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:43:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right? Like, that blue fan, dude?

• 1:43:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, but when you got that many fans on you, you're gonna sleep great.

• 1:43:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on. Let's pick our favorite one. Let's really pay attention now to what he's saying, and then you tell me which is your favorite fan and why.

• 1:43:35Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:43:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking, oh, fucking dumb shit, fucking.

• 1:43:39Speaker 05

  We got five fans going in this bedroom here.

• 1:43:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Five, you got five.

• 1:43:43Speaker 05

  We have a 1986 Galaxy 3713, a 1989 Galaxy 3723, a 1980 TekTong 16-inch oscillating table fan, model LBJ116,

• 1:43:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:56Speaker 05

  a 2003 Alasko Cyclone 18-inch oscillating pedestal fan, and the 1997, 1996, 97, Alasko 3723, all running on full blast at once. Cyclone 747 here. This is how we'll be sleeping tonight. Yes.

• 1:44:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right, Duncan.

• 1:44:17Speaker 05

  Have a good night.

• 1:44:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  You've seen them all.

• 1:44:19Speaker 03

  It's the TekTong, obviously.

• 1:44:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sorry, which one is that?

• 1:44:22Speaker 03

  The blue one, the TekTong LBJ498.

• 1:44:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  The blue. You're going for the blue?

• 1:44:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a TekTong.

• 1:44:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, okay. I'm going for the Cyclone, the one that is on the stand, because I feel like you've got the best of both worlds. Like, you've got a stand and the oscillation.

• 1:44:36Speaker 03

  Can we cut to that real quick? Is that possible to go back to that? I'm gonna go for the TekTong.

• 1:44:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  That one. Because imagine that one, like, you can place that anywhere in the room, and it's gonna have direct, and, and I believe it oscillates. I'm not sure. I'd like to think it does.

• 1:44:51Speaker 03

  I know. I guess you're going form over function. Oh, no, function over form.

• 1:44:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Always function over form.

• 1:44:56Speaker 03

  I think the TekTong, it just, it's got that blue sheen.

• 1:45:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's aesthetically pleasing.

• 1:45:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, I really like the TekTong, and I get it, because, but I could just put the TekTong up on books or something. I get it, though. That one's more convenient.

• 1:45:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  But then, aren't you worried? Like, what if it falls down in the night?

• 1:45:12Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:45:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  The books and, you know?

• 1:45:14Speaker 03

  Yep. Yeah, the books could shift or something.

• 1:45:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. I'm a little, and what if your cat comes in the middle of the night and knocks it over or something, you know?

• 1:45:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:45:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta think about those things. Your cats, if you have cats.

• 1:45:23Speaker 03

  He's got cats.

• 1:45:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course he's got cats. All the best people have cats, right, Josh Solo?

• 1:45:28Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:45:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cat guys are the best. I'm gonna go for a cat guy next. I'm serious. I'm into cats now, and I'm, I used to. Don't you tempt me with a good time. Marin's got a girlfriend. He's got girlfriends. I'm too old. He's not into me.

• 1:45:43Speaker 03

  I don't know about that.

• 1:45:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right, let's go.

• 1:45:46Speaker 07

  So me and Peggy are adding a third person into our relationship. We are now taking applications for that third person in our relationship. It will cost you $100,000 just for that application.

• 1:46:02Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:46:03Speaker 07

  Fee. It will cost you $150,000 just to get in our relationship with us.

• 1:46:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:46:09Speaker 07

  That is right. So that is $250,000.

• 1:46:13Speaker 03

  Damn.

• 1:46:14Speaker 07

  You have to have upfront to get in a relationship with us. That's right. The most beautiful woman and her wife are adding a third person to our relationship. And again, I'm gonna repeat this. It is a $100,000 application fee. It is $150 additional dollars to get into the relationship with us once we approve the application.

• 1:46:45Speaker 03

  Holy shit.

• 1:46:45Speaker 07

  Y'all have a good day and stay blessed.

• 1:46:48Speaker 03

  Wow. That is incredible.

• 1:46:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, like, where's Peggy? Why am I not even seeing what she looks like before I invest $150,000 to apply?

• 1:46:59Speaker 03

  Is she the one beeping, do you think? Again, I kept trying to, is it, their car is beeping, or is it like, or there's like an ambulance behind them?

• 1:47:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think it's an affect. Whoever, whoever curated this, added it. But, I mean, that's a lot of, I don't know. I've never lived the poly lifestyle, but is that customary to take money for applicants?

• 1:47:22Speaker 03

  Well, I, you know, I don't know where things are with that. That is something I meant to ask you, though.

• 1:47:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:27Speaker 03

  You know, are you open to a polycule?

• 1:47:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, here's the thing. I, I feel like, why not just fuck a bunch of different people?

• 1:47:36Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:47:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because now you're dealing with three people's emotional dramas, and like, isn't it just easier to be single and have sex with many people and not have to be monogamous? Like, I don't know, I don't understand the, what's the benefit of a polycule?

• 1:47:52Speaker 03

  Childcare.

• 1:47:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck, never mind. Sign me up. All women. I want, I want 10 women.

• 1:47:59Speaker 03

  There you go. There you go. So, yeah, I, you know, I think I would send an application in and not the fee, and just out of curiosity to see the response, because, you know, it could be a joke or something. But a quarter of a million dollars is a lot to risk.

• 1:48:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's not joking.

• 1:48:16Speaker 03

  No, he's not.

• 1:48:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he's got his nails painted. Did you see his nail polish?

• 1:48:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, I did. I noticed it. Can we, can you rewind a little bit? I just want to look at the teeth.

• 1:48:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that's always the.

• 1:48:27Speaker 03

  What, I am curious about that, though. Like, that formation, which you see sometimes, how does that happen?

• 1:48:37Speaker 03

  And no, I really, no judgment, but look at my gnarled things. I'm just curious.

• 1:48:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's judgment. I judge.

• 1:48:44Speaker 03

  But how does it do that? Like, you see that sometimes where it tilts up?

• 1:48:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, I have a theory, just a theory. Grinding? Like, if you're on a lot of meth, and maybe you're grinding?

• 1:48:54Speaker 03

  Grinding.

• 1:48:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know, any? You're kind of familiar with these types. You guys have seen. It looks like she's been doing a lot of tongue punching. That's a she. Oh, it's a, it's a he. Whoops.

• 1:49:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  The slant. Anyway, yeah, I think he's been doing a lot of tongue punching. That's all that is.

• 1:49:10Speaker 03

  Oh, eating ass.

• 1:49:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pushing the, pushing the teeth forward with the tongue, you know?

• 1:49:14Speaker 03

  Gotcha. Well, shit, man.

• 1:49:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, the, the audacity to put an application fee is, you're not gonna, I don't know, you're not gonna find quality people if you're putting a price point on your, your love?

• 1:49:30Speaker 03

  I think he just got stung by bees. Like, it looks like.

• 1:49:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's got filler in all the wrong places. Okay, let's see, what else?

• 1:49:39Speaker 03

  Oh, fuck. Good evening. Jim Kleinpelter.

• 1:49:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here, a little post-it. Hi. Hope you're all doing good. Thank you.

• 1:49:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's hot out. It's hot out.

• 1:49:55Speaker 03

  That's it? That's how it fucking ends?

• 1:50:00Speaker 03

  Oh, that's the most sinister shit I've ever seen in my life. Wow.

• 1:50:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  But there are so many people on these, on like that, like TikTok and Instagram, where they, um, they just wanna make sure you're doing okay? And then they wanna comment about how hot summer is. As if he hasn't lived through fucking eighty summers and they're all hot. Like, why point out the obvious?

• 1:50:23Speaker 03

  He's lived through eighty thousand summers. He's shooting that from his coffin. That's a Nosferatu right there.

• 1:50:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, a vampire I would love to date. I want immortality. This is perfect.

• 1:50:35Speaker 03

  Boom, right there. Well, and also, they fill out when they drink your blood. Like, he probably hasn't fed in a few years.

• 1:50:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  But do you think he'll make me a vampire? Cause that's always been the hope.

• 1:50:47Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Isn't it just if they feed off of you, you, it depends. If you're doing the Anne Rice version.

• 1:50:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you for knowing.

• 1:50:54Speaker 03

  You have to, they have to let you suck back.

• 1:50:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Correct. They have to, the intent has to be to make you one of them.

• 1:51:00Speaker 03

  But no, though, I think the classic, it just, it, the bite of a vampire will turn you into a vampire.

• 1:51:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's not true, Duncan. Where did you hear that?

• 1:51:07Speaker 03

  Isn't that, I always thought that was like Dracula, like.

• 1:51:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I'm reading Dracula right now.

• 1:51:12Speaker 03

  It's so good.

• 1:51:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I know. It's amazing. But like, I haven't gotten to the part, well, I don't know. Can you look it up, please? Like, did Dracula, like the old school, the book version? If he just bites you, do you become a vampire?

• 1:51:23Speaker 03

  And you perish, you become a vampire. Like, you, you gradually die and don't you become like a vampire?

• 1:51:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I thought you just became like bewitched by Dracula.

• 1:51:31Speaker 03

  Initially bewitched, but eventually a vampire. I could be wrong. I know.

• 1:51:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

• 1:51:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, we need to get to the bottom of this.

• 1:51:41Speaker 03

  Wait, hold on.

• 1:51:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, hold on. Here, you, you read it.

• 1:51:45Speaker 03

  Okay. In Dracula, a single bite does not automatically turn you, turn someone into a vampire. A bite causes blood loss and weakness. The victim gradually comes under Dracula's influence. They become pale, exhausted. The crucial step is drinking. Oh, I just embarrassed myself. I'm so sorry. I'm so, I lost all Goth credibility. I'm gone. I'm done. I'm sorry.

• 1:52:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Come on.

• 1:52:08Speaker 03

  I, for some reason, I thought the infection just turns you into a.

• 1:52:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, babes. No, that's just, you're just prey. So I don't wanna just be prey. I wanna be made into a vampire, like.

• 1:52:17Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:52:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, so Lucy becomes a vampire. Dracula feeds on her repeatedly over several nights. She grows weaker despite multiple blood transfusions. She eventually dies. She rises from the grave as a vampire.

• 1:52:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:52:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, how is? I mean, so then.

• 1:52:36Speaker 03

  Dracula.

• 1:52:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Does that negate the whole thing?

• 1:52:38Speaker 03

  I don't know. He must have given her some blood. By contrast, Mina is bitten and forced to drink Dracula's blood, but Dracula is destroyed before she dies. As a result, the curse is lifted and she remains human. Interesting.

• 1:52:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean.

• 1:52:50Speaker 03

  So here we go. The synopsis, one bite, injury and blood loss, repeated feedings, progressive corruption, drinking Dracula's blood, plus dying afterward, complete transformation into a vampire.

• 1:53:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I need to do that.

• 1:53:07Speaker 03

  How far along are you in Dracula?

• 1:53:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm, I'm, I'm like at the beginning.

• 1:53:13Speaker 03

  It's my favorite part. He's just.

• 1:53:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

• 1:53:16Speaker 03

  Oh, my God, the trip up into the Carpathian.

• 1:53:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's where I'm at, bro.

• 1:53:20Speaker 03

  I love it.

• 1:53:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Same.

• 1:53:21Speaker 03

  And the, the warnings, the, everyone's telling him, what are you fucking doing? And, and his elitism, he's not, oh, these superstitious fools. And then the, the way Dracula, like invite, like says like three times, you're doing this of your own free will. It's so creepy. He's such a dummy. That's how everybody gets into trouble, though. We all do that. All the signs are there. Don't do it. And you realize like, it's all my choice.

• 1:53:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:49Speaker 03

  I've decided to go into a fucking vampire castle.

• 1:53:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes. That's so funny you say that because I was reading, it, it's a hundred percent where I, where I was reading that. I was like, oh, this is me. This could be me. This is any human who's like, they're telling you, hey, I'm a vampire.

• 1:54:04Speaker 03

  I'm a vampire.

• 1:54:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I will suck your blood. I will fuck your life up, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you're like, that's cool. Well, maybe I should stick around. Why do we all stick around? Just go.

• 1:54:14Speaker 03

  Isn't it wild?

• 1:54:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just get out of there. He's gonna suck your blood. I know.

• 1:54:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's why you can't really, usually you can't blame yourself, you know? Cause it's just like you in it. You, you did that. You knew.

• 1:54:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  You knew. So this guy's Dracula. Cool. Okay.

• 1:54:35Speaker 03

  Damn, he's fast.

• 1:54:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. No, he's, he's good. There, there's a lot of guys with nunchucks. There's a lot of guys with guns that I like to play.

• 1:54:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's good. Can I have a cigarette, please?

• 1:54:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, of course. Yeah. Oh, my God. He's, can you play it again? Like, that is.

• 1:54:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:54:50Speaker 03

  Isn't that actually kind of impressive? Like, that's a quick draw.

• 1:54:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, he's good. Okay, here we go. Ah, fucking, oh, fuck, shit, piece of shit, bitch.

• 1:55:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nah, it's good.

• 1:55:04Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:55:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, is he in a Winnebago? Like, that's his.

• 1:55:11Speaker 03

  That's a Winnebago. Yeah. Some kind of RV.

• 1:55:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  No shade. I mean, I'm a huge fan. I love Winnebago's.

• 1:55:19Speaker 03

  Me too. I actually do love RVs.

• 1:55:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you gonna get one?

• 1:55:22Speaker 03

  You know, I can't, I mean, like eventually, but yeah, I can't get a Winnebago.

• 1:55:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you, so when I did Road Rules in the nineties, the only problem is that you can't take a shit or piss in them because the sun just cooks the, the stuff and then, so you, like, what's the point if I can't shit in my mobile home?

• 1:55:39Speaker 03

  Well, you could piss in a Winnebago.

• 1:55:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  It still, it stinks to high heaven. I mean, once the sun cooks it. You gotta stop and then you have to stop at an RV park and like unload the piss and the shit.

• 1:55:50Speaker 03

  Oh, my God. When I came back from Burning Man in an RV, all these burners have been pissing and shitting in my RV. And I went to an RV park and I had to empty it, you know? And there's a place where you can empty it, but like, I don't know how to really.

• 1:56:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now, who knows?

• 1:56:04Speaker 03

  Something went wrong and I'm like trying to get this, this Burning Man, just drug soaked shit diarrhea, just condoms and God knows what. I'm trying to get that, like, into the place. I don't even know, I don't even know the words for it. I'm trying to screw it in, but it's just like, I'm not thinking about like the hot piss and shit that's splattering onto my hand. And this, this dude at the RV park, like an angel, came over, witnessing that I was, had this choice. I had to choose between holding it against this thing that I couldn't get it screwed onto and allow a slow drizzle of Burning Man shit and piss to spray on my hands and clothes.

• 1:56:46Speaker 03

  Or, or let it go and then create a, a, an environmental apocalypse for the RV park. And he like, he fixed it for me and got burner shit and piss on his hand.

• 1:56:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  He did?

• 1:56:57Speaker 03

  Angel.

• 1:56:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did you have to like blow him or give him drugs?

• 1:57:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, while he was doing it.

• 1:57:04Speaker 03

  And he didn't even ask. I was just so grateful to not be covered in Burning Man excrement.

• 1:57:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now, I've only ever been a spectator at Burning Man. I did a TV show where I got to go in and like interview people, but I've never done it per se. Doesn't the filth bother you?

• 1:57:20Speaker 03

  Not at all.

• 1:57:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  The playa sand and the, the shitting and pissing and, um.

• 1:57:24Speaker 03

  The porta, the porta potties are, are foul, like no one.

• 1:57:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Disastrous.

• 1:57:28Speaker 03

  But, but what's amazing about Burning Man versus other festivals is how clean it is. Like, they keep, they keep it clean. Like.

• 1:57:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. Where do you shower? Cause I remember they were like, there was like a truck with a hose. Yeah.

• 1:57:42Speaker 03

  What, are you a millionaire?

• 1:57:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  But then how do you fuck? Okay, here's my, and then this is literally what I think about.

• 1:57:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:57:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  How do you fuck people in, well, there's playa sand in your vag, in your ass? You can't shower after you fuck. Like, it's gross, no?

• 1:57:57Speaker 03

  Wet wipes.

• 1:57:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:57:59Speaker 03

  Wet wipes.

• 1:58:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:58:02Speaker 03

  And some camps do have showers. Like, there, there are like, there are, there's ways to do it where if you desperately need a shower, because you've been so weakened by society that, oh, I've gotta wash myself. That's who you've become. De-skilled, dehumanized. So, yeah, you desperately need some showers. So you, you take it, it is, it can be done. Our camp had a, had a little gravity shower in it where you could, you could clean yourself off.

• 1:58:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  But hold on, are you considered an inferior Burning Man participant because you're showering? Like, is it looked down upon in the community?

• 1:58:36Speaker 03

  I don't think it's looked down upon because it, it depends. Like, the controversy at Burning Man is the plug and play camps, as they're called, which are these, um, essentially, like, super wealthy people set up these camps and, uh, you know, rich people fly in and they go into these super nice catered camps, but Burning Man's kind of open. That was the idea. You wander from one camp to the next. Camps have bars in them, camps have, everything's free at these camps.

• 1:59:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's cool. I didn't realize that.

• 1:59:07Speaker 03

  And then these like, you know, super rich camps pop up that have like security and suddenly you can't go into them.

• 1:59:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  So they, they weed out who can go in and who cannot?

• 1:59:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, and those camps get attacked. Like, that happened one year where this like super fancy plug and play camp got decimated by burners in the night who like.

• 1:59:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:59:27Speaker 03

  Fucked them up pretty bad. But, yeah, so there are like, you know, fancy camps like that, but also you don't, you realize like, it, it's not like Coachella. It's, it's more of a survival.

• 1:59:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right. Like, does that negate the purpose of going to Burning Man? Yeah, like, why would you be hoity-toity at the Burning Man? Like, isn't the point, you make your float, you make your.

• 1:59:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:59:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's about like being a hippie.

• 1:59:51Speaker 03

  I mean, the saying is fuck your burn, which is just like, you're like, my burn's all, I can't believe this has happened. It's just like, fuck off, like with this, your idea of what it was supposed to be. Like, just stop. It's, it, that's what's making you miserable. And that being said, the last few years seem to have been a nightmare, but. I don't get me going on Burning Man.

• 2:00:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  It sounds like it's very.

• 2:00:12Speaker 03

  You just lost it. Whoever's watching this, we, I guarantee you, like thousands of people stopped watching.

• 2:00:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Very upsetting.

• 2:00:18Speaker 03

  It's the best. You would like it.

• 2:00:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've, like I said, I've been a spectator.

• 2:00:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  My one problem is the toileting and the shower. I would go had it not, if it not, if it not were.

• 2:00:30Speaker 03

  If it, it.

• 2:00:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  If not for.

• 2:00:32Speaker 03

  If not for.

• 2:00:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  The hygiene. I'm, I'm a woman. I need to wash my vagina, my asshole. I need to shower every day. I like smelling nice. That part, is there, if there was like a four seasons.

• 2:00:44Speaker 03

  You get an RV.

• 2:00:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is there a courtyard Marriott even?

• 2:00:46Speaker 03

  There's an RV. You, you rent an RV. They have showers in them.

• 2:00:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've done that on road rules. It was horrible.

• 2:00:53Speaker 03

  It's horrible, but I'll tell you, all these thoughts, all these things that you think you need at the burn, it's gonna go one way or the other. You realize, actually, do you need this? And then you can leave. Or you realize that stuff doesn't really matter.

• 2:01:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 2:01:08Speaker 03

  As much as I thought.

• 2:01:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true. No, that's cool. I, I, listen, I like the principle.

• 2:01:14Speaker 03

  You'll, yeah.

• 2:01:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just don't like the, the, yeah, the accommodations rather. I would be that asshole flying in my, my pack and play.

• 2:01:23Speaker 03

  I think that there's ways to mitigate that though. I mean, this is, I think there's, it's okay to do that.

• 2:01:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are we going to Burning Man this year?

• 2:01:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, baby, yeah. I would love it.

• 2:01:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  When is it? It's middle of summer, right?

• 2:01:37Speaker 03

  We'll let Aaron take care of the kids, fly into the burn.

• 2:01:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Aaron would love that. Hey, watch all four of the kids while Duncan and I go to burn. And it's like the hottest time that they choose. Why do they have to do this when it's like 120 degrees on the playa?

• 2:01:53Speaker 03

  You know, actually it gets really cold at night. It just depends, but you know, look, it's, I'm not gonna talk about it anymore after this.

• 2:02:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why?

• 2:02:01Speaker 03

  But it's one of the, well, people don't wanna hear someone ramble about. It's like hearing someone talk about ayahuasca.

• 2:02:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, they love it.

• 2:02:08Speaker 03

  No, it's one of the most incredible things I've ever experienced and one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced. And one of, one of the most mystical things I've ever, truly, it's the craziest. You feel like you're in a parallel timeline. You look around at what's happening and you, you realize like, this also is a way people can hang out together. We don't have to blow each other up and we don't have to exploit each. Look at what's happening here. It's beautiful.

• 2:02:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is nice.

• 2:02:36Speaker 03

  And, and, and so absurd and silly and so completely philosophically diverse. Like there's so many different camps there. There's like the AA camp, sober camps, there's gutter drunk camps. There's a nihilist camp, believe it or not, a camp of nihilists that they put at the very edge of the playa. Who are just like grumpy and like skateboard and graffiti their own camps. And there's like Elon Musk comes and like, go, like everyone has art cars is what they call them, these insane cars. And so like Musk and goes, like his is like a yacht that's been converted into a car. Anyone can get on and off of it. It's super cool.

• 2:03:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right, maybe August 30th. It's a month from now.

• 2:03:24Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, we're not doing that.

• 2:03:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  We don't have, we don't have time to build our.

• 2:03:26Speaker 03

  It will be, it would be, yeah, there's no time. But that being said, one guy wanted to see what would happen if he went there completely naked. So with no one. So he walked into Burning Man like with no clothes, just to see what would happen. Also, they have an ultra marathon there, which is hilarious, where people like, like athletes.

• 2:03:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would hate that.

• 2:03:45Speaker 03

  Like, well, yeah, cuz they, like, people are handing them drugs as they're running by.

• 2:03:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I, I love the idea of showing up naked and just seeing who will care for you. I think that's really special. That's actually, right, isn't that the purpose? Or sorry, was that guy like horny and weird?

• 2:04:00Speaker 03

  The playa provides.

• 2:04:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, like is, I, I listen, I like the hippie principles. I'm not against it, but I don't know. Okay, here we go. Fucking.

• 2:04:09Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 2:04:10Speaker 00

  We had Diarina tonight. There she is out there. Think we ran off and cooking. Taina, Uncle Bobby, Marie, and I'm behind the camera.

• 2:04:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  We get it.

• 2:04:20Speaker 00

  We're not too scared. All the brie. Y'all come, come on now.

• 2:04:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, he's like, I'm behind the camera. Like, yeah, no shit, dummy. And I don't, the only thing, this dinner slaps, like, I would eat this immediately.

• 2:04:33Speaker 03

  Me too.

• 2:04:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  The, I don't like his accent. What is that?

• 2:04:37Speaker 03

  What? That's, that's a Louisiana dinner here. Go on, gather around. I'll have a hot a dax for dessert. And I ain't over here. There's a 17 sausages.

• 2:04:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I hate it.

• 2:04:47Speaker 03

  I like, dude, that is a real southern family meal. You got, that is definitely not diet coke.

• 2:04:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 2:04:53Speaker 03

  That is Coca-Cola, ample salt everywhere.

• 2:04:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:04:57Speaker 03

  Fuck it. You put the whole pot on the table and, and, and.

• 2:05:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:05:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:05:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Texas toast, I'm a huge fan. I love that shit, dude.

• 2:05:04Speaker 03

  Oh my God, just look at that.

• 2:05:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just hate his dumb accent. Honestly, I just, I don't want him talking, but I like his food.

• 2:05:12Speaker 03

  Big Pharma, pharmaceutical execs, watch this. And you're just like, thank you.

• 2:05:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're all fat and dying cuz they're eating this shit.

• 2:05:22Speaker 03

  So much buttered bread. Buttered bread.

• 2:05:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  So good.

• 2:05:27Speaker 05

  What's going on, Carl? Got the spray tama for the big, big night tonight. So look out, mate. Once I rinse it off, it'll, it'll look a bit more even, look better. But at the moment.

• 2:05:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's gonna look better.

• 2:05:38Speaker 05

  It's not bad, yeah.

• 2:05:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  It sucks. Have you ever had a spray town? It's horrible. I hate it so much.

• 2:05:51Speaker 03

  I jerked off in a spray tan booth once. Isn't that fucked up?

• 2:05:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, before they came to tan you?

• 2:05:57Speaker 03

  During the tan, no, this was when we were going to auto tans. No one was there and I don't know why I got horny and jerked off in there. Isn't that horrible?

• 2:06:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 2:06:06Speaker 03

  I was looking back and thinking like, Jesus Christ, that, is that, that's like kind of a, is that a sex crime?

• 2:06:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, definitely. You're not supposed to jerk off in public.

• 2:06:14Speaker 03

  Well, no one could see. It was closed.

• 2:06:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that's why it's safe. It's a safe space for you. There, I, I feel like they encouraged you to masturbate. Okay.

• 2:06:21Speaker 03

  No one did.

• 2:06:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, let's, let's put this in perspective. They're like, get naked.

• 2:06:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, you have to.

• 2:06:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're private.

• 2:06:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:06:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  To, okay. And then we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll cascade your body with these beautiful, soft caresses. Like, who wouldn't jerk off? I feel like that should be part of the sun tanning process.

• 2:06:41Speaker 03

  If we lived in a healthy society, everyone would jerk off in spaces like that, right?

• 2:06:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 2:06:48Speaker 03

  Dressing rooms.

• 2:06:51Speaker 03

  Bathrooms at the airport. It wouldn't be guys shitting. It'd be guys jerking off. Because the erotic nature of being in a private public space. You're right. No, you're right. Thank you.

• 2:07:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're welcome.

• 2:07:04Speaker 03

  Thank you for accepting that.

• 2:07:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I also feel like too, like when you go to, um, like a spa, like I kinda feel the inclination to masturbate too. And you're like, I'm in this jacuzzi. Nobody's here. I could, I could totally get away with this right now. I mean, I don't.

• 2:07:19Speaker 03

  You know, you just made me remember.

• 2:07:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 2:07:21Speaker 03

  Childhood memory, in a swimming pool by my dad's apartment, just swimming around. This dude had situated himself right on top of one of the jets and was loudly groaning as he came from the jet on his dick. Like kids are swimming it. Worse, you just see him like, oh.

• 2:07:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:07:44Speaker 03

  Ah, that's healthy though.

• 2:07:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  How old are you?

• 2:07:47Speaker 03

  Like what you're saying is that's good.

• 2:07:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Especially a public pool. Wait, it was a public pool?

• 2:07:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was like in one of those apartment pools.

• 2:07:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so cool. That's so cool.

• 2:08:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's cool. He was a cool guy. And I, you know, he jizzed into the water, of course.

• 2:08:09Speaker 03

  And saying into the jet, meaning that his jizz was ejected into the pool. His jizz was rocket launched into the pool. A kind of mini galaxy of jizz spreading out in the pool.

• 2:08:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so cool.

• 2:08:23Speaker 03

  We have to be more open with ourselves.

• 2:08:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, the earlier the better. You guys wanna see that? Yeah, that's really cool.

• 2:08:31Speaker 03

  It's cool.

• 2:08:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  What a, how old are you when you saw that? Sorry.

• 2:08:35Speaker 03

  I don't know, probably like 14, 13.

• 2:08:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, so you, you know.

• 2:08:39Speaker 03

  I was old enough to enjoy watching him come.

• 2:08:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, God.

• 2:08:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, fuck. I mean, the audacity.

• 2:08:58Speaker 03

  It's crazy.

• 2:08:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  To come. And here's the thing.

• 2:09:00Speaker 03

  And the grunt. He couldn't even do a silent come. He couldn't do a sneak come. He had to like loudly vocalize.

• 2:09:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, that's just, that's just performative.

• 2:09:12Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 2:09:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, he's trying to seek attention. I also, I also note, like, okay, so if he's in like, uh, cuz I've grown up in an apartment complex like that. He lives there, dude. Like, that's Roger.

• 2:09:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:09:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  He'd be like, oh, he's in, he's in 2F.

• 2:09:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're right.

• 2:09:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why would you come in the pool?

• 2:09:28Speaker 03

  Right.

• 2:09:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your neighbors are like, hey, Roger, what are you doing?

• 2:09:32Speaker 03

  I don't know. I guess some people aren't repressed. I guess some people aren't sex negative in this world. I guess some people are comfortable with who they are and the pursuit of pleasure is not necessarily evil.

• 2:09:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is this the complex you grew up in? Like, or?

• 2:09:51Speaker 03

  No, this was like a divorce comp, you know, this is where you go.

• 2:09:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your sad dad.

• 2:09:54Speaker 03

  This is with summer. This is where my dad was living with summer.

• 2:09:59Speaker 03

  I would go up the street and buy whipped cream cans and do.

• 2:10:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Funny. Whipits, yeah.

• 2:10:03Speaker 03

  Then go back and swim and watch dudes come in the pool.

• 2:10:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, why is dad's house always debauchery? It's like Sodom and Gomorrah. My dad was a saint, like, yeah, just naked, sunbathing, chicks over. Just, oh, so gross.

• 2:10:21Speaker 03

  Porn everywhere.

• 2:10:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Everywhere. Yours too?

• 2:10:25Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:10:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Same. I saw porn so early because my dad did not bother to hide it.

• 2:10:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:10:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm like, could you at least put, there was Playboy magazine in the bathroom that I used.

• 2:10:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:10:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  So you're like, oh, it's naked chicks. And you're like, this is crazy.

• 2:10:40Speaker 03

  I still remember a song from one of my dad's porn tapes. Like, I can, it's, it's, the, the, you could, it was called Deviations. This is the, this is 80s porn.

• 2:10:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the name of, hold on, I need a cigarette for Deviations. Let's talk about that. This, now, this is a whole other lane. You've just unlocked trauma for me. Go ahead, let's go.

• 2:11:00Speaker 03

  Okay. It's called Deviations, the essentially a, a, a, girl band can't pay rent. I believe this is the first sex scene in Deviations. This is permanently imprinted on my mind.

• 2:11:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:11:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, the landlord, Jewish dude comes over to collect rent.

• 2:11:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  How do you know he's a Jew? They say it.

• 2:11:21Speaker 03

  Pull it up. I mean, you could probably find Deviations.

• 2:11:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're gonna have a flashback here. Pull up Deviations.

• 2:11:27Speaker 03

  First time I'd ever seen, oh my God, this is the first time I even knew about ass eating. So synchronicity is happening right now.

• 2:11:36Speaker 03

  Because the landlord ate one of the landlord.

• 2:11:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Synchronicities everywhere.

• 2:11:42Speaker 03

  He ate this girl's ass. And I still remember her going, and I didn't know it was called reaming. So I didn't know the name, so she's like, ream me, Morris, ream me.

• 2:11:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  How old are you when you're seeing this?

• 2:11:57Speaker 03

  I probably was like, I don't know, 12, 11.

• 2:12:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah. That's nice. Is that it? Is that, oh, my God, you found it.

• 2:12:05Speaker 03

  This is deviations.

• 2:12:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God.

• 2:12:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, this is it. There's Morris.

• 2:12:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's more.

• 2:12:10Speaker 03

  I'm sorry, I don't know, maybe he's circumcised, that doesn't mean he's Jewish, I don't know.

• 2:12:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love how back in the day, people had pubic hair and were just like, look how normal their bodies looked.

• 2:12:20Speaker 03

  They're right there. She's saying, ream me, Morris, ream me, right there. He's eating your ass. Yeah. Yep, there he goes. This is the part.

• 2:12:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  But isn't this nice? I feel like this is like the olden days of porn.

• 2:12:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:12:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where it was like fun. She doesn't seem like she's suffering or hurting.

• 2:12:36Speaker 03

  No.

• 2:12:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's not hurting her.

• 2:12:38Speaker 03

  Not at all.

• 2:12:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not like, yeah, you fucking bitch.

• 2:12:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, this is.

• 2:12:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, sweet.

• 2:12:43Speaker 03

  Exactly. That's why it was okay to leave it around for 11 year olds to watch.

• 2:12:49Speaker 03

  Can you imagine? Can you fucking imagine like leave? First of all, my dad, to his credit, did try to hide the porn.

• 2:12:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  He did.

• 2:12:57Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, but give me a break, you're hiding that from two boys.

• 2:13:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:13:00Speaker 03

  So we would fight it. And, um, yeah, I still remember the song from this. We're the deviations, we think up new creations.

• 2:13:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not a bad song for a porno.

• 2:13:12Speaker 03

  It's a great killer song.

• 2:13:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look, they put a budget into this. There's extras.

• 2:13:16Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 2:13:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, this isn't bad.

• 2:13:18Speaker 03

  Yeah. This, uh, this was the Tropicana Apartments where I was watching this.

• 2:13:27Speaker 03

  A den of depravity.

• 2:13:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  There they are, the deviations.

• 2:13:30Speaker 03

  Those are the deviations, yeah.

• 2:13:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, they're cute.

• 2:13:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:13:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is like Jim and the Holograms.

• 2:13:35Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 2:13:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, this is cool.

• 2:13:36Speaker 03

  This was the inspiration for Jim and the Hologram.

• 2:13:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I feel like they put so much more production value into these old eighties porn, like it needed a setup. But like, anybody watched this part? Didn't you just forward through?

• 2:13:47Speaker 03

  Fast forwarding through, no one's ever watched this. It's probably the first time anyone played that all the way through in the history of the movie. Everyone's like, why don't we all watch these?

• 2:13:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, here's what happened. Sorry, that girl is like fucking the EP or whatever. And she's like, yeah, yes, I'll do the movie, but you have to feature my band or my music.

• 2:14:06Speaker 03

  God damn it.

• 2:14:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but he's like, I want to fuck her. Yeah, I'll do it.

• 2:14:10Speaker 03

  The deviations, really?

• 2:14:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but she's like, I have to sing in the movie.

• 2:14:15Speaker 03

  Okay, fine. I'll do it.

• 2:14:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I miss pubes. I miss like normal bodies. Don't, doesn't this make you miss like real tits and real? People?

• 2:14:25Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 2:14:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  We used to look human. Remember when we looked like people?

• 2:14:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, we were eating each other's asses in the sun and we had pubes.

• 2:14:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whoa, oh, I thought that was a guy sucking a dick. Okay. I was like, damn, he's going for it. See, look how, like, she's got little hungry tits, but that's okay. She's got perfect little tiny, they're not like big fake melons.

• 2:14:47Speaker 03

  No, this is sensual. This, this is.

• 2:14:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's lovely.

• 2:14:49Speaker 03

  He really loves her. Like in this shoot, you could tell he really loves her and she loves him.

• 2:14:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  They love each other.

• 2:14:55Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 2:14:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, now let's do mine. You ready?

• 2:14:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:14:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, this is a deep cut. We're sharing so much on today's.

• 2:15:02Speaker 03

  I know, I think I've shared too much.

• 2:15:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, we're gonna have such a shame spiral after we go home today.

• 2:15:08Speaker 03

  That means you did a good podcast.

• 2:15:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Okay. My porno was called Fast Girls.

• 2:15:14Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 2:15:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, let me think of the premise.

• 2:15:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, this guy employed women to steal cars.

• 2:15:23Speaker 03

  Cool.

• 2:15:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, so I was kind of like, all right, that's kind of tight. Like, these chicks are in power, you know?

• 2:15:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:15:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I liked, I liked the scenes because they were, like I said, consensual. Oh, Fast Girls. It's me back. Oh, Fast Girls.

• 2:15:37Speaker 03

  Nice work, y'all.

• 2:15:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow, that was so quick. How did you?

• 2:15:40Speaker 03

  You got that VPN up.

• 2:15:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Send this to me, okay? I want to. Go down. Oh, yeah, yeah, this is the opening. This is the opening. Okay, so she's, she, look at her, oh, she's acting. This is in Van Nuys, clearly. And she's like, I can jimmy open this BMW. And here she goes. Oh, my God, you guys are taking me back to such early childhood trauma. I was like nine when I saw this for the first time.

• 2:16:01Speaker 03

  Again, look at the production value compared to porn now. Look at this.

• 2:16:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  And she was hot. This is natural. This is before like.

• 2:16:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:16:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Lipo and tit jobs. She's like, I'm going with this car.

• 2:16:13Speaker 03

  The cinematography is incredible in this.

• 2:16:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Oh.

• 2:16:16Speaker 03

  Look at that.

• 2:16:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not bad. Okay, so she's gonna bring it in. And then the boss man's gonna be like, we need to steal more cars or whatever the premise is. I don't even remember. Because who watches The Premise? Let's be real. Tempo.

• 2:16:29Speaker 03

  Tempo presents.

• 2:16:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tempo.

• 2:16:32Speaker 03

  I love that font.

• 2:16:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do too. Oh, my, I cannot believe I'm watching.

• 2:16:38Speaker 03

  This could be the font for your dating show.

• 2:16:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Date my mommy?

• 2:16:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:16:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Karina. Karina. Gail.

• 2:16:46Speaker 03

  Gail Force.

• 2:16:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shelley Sand, Viper. I liked Viper because she was tough. Yeah. Peter North.

• 2:16:53Speaker 03

  Peter North, classic.

• 2:16:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Old school, yeah.

• 2:16:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ron Jeremy. All the hits. All right, well, fast forward. Come on, what are you doing?

• 2:17:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, let me see. Oh, there's Ron Jeremy. There he is. He's so gross. And I thought he was gross back then.

• 2:17:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:17:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, I never thought he was hot. Oh, I remember. That's the, these two guys on this one chick. Wow, this is really bringing back some good times. Yeah. Yeah, they, they, they tag teamed or whatever. But Ron Jeremy did have chutzpah. What he lacked in looks, he really did have a good personality.

• 2:17:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, he had something.

• 2:17:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, look at that bush. Can I have that much bush or no? I can do that much bush?

• 2:17:35Speaker 03

  Sure, why not?

• 2:17:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stop.

• 2:17:37Speaker 03

  Trimmed.

• 2:17:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  But the undercarriage is smooth.

• 2:17:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:17:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  You have to have a smooth undercarriage.

• 2:17:43Speaker 03

  That's a smooth undercarriage.

• 2:17:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:17:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 2:17:47Speaker 03

  Are those, as you would say, hungry tits?

• 2:17:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I mean, I, I had, I had like quadruple D's before I had a mastectomy.

• 2:17:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, these are.

• 2:17:57Speaker 03

  How old were you when you were watching this?

• 2:17:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nine, 10. So fucked up.

• 2:18:01Speaker 03

  Fuck.

• 2:18:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, that's why I'm a comic, like none, nothing was normal.

• 2:18:05Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 2:18:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, so much pornography. Like, I don't know if I was, but this was enough, don't you think?

• 2:18:13Speaker 03

  Well, I mean, you have to ask, like, you know, it's like, I don't know, I, isn't it?

• 2:18:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can turn this off. I, I think I'm good. Thank you. I'm traumatized sufficiently. Go ahead.

• 2:18:24Speaker 03

  I, I don't know. I think it's a, a great question, which is.

• 2:18:31Speaker 03

  Isn't that in the neighborhood of being like, leaving shit like that?

• 2:18:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 2:18:37Speaker 03

  You know, you didn't give your kid heroin, like you didn't shoot, you didn't put heroin into your kid, but you left your heroin laying around.

• 2:18:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 2:18:45Speaker 03

  You're going to jail. So.

• 2:18:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:18:49Speaker 03

  It's similar, right? Like.

• 2:18:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 2:18:51Speaker 03

  But no one thought it was, back then, it was, it was just kind of like, ah, come on, dad.

• 2:18:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 2:18:57Speaker 03

  You know, it wasn't, these days, I think it would be more frowned upon.

• 2:19:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course. Well, these days, fine, the kids find porn on their phones.

• 2:19:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, I guess these days, like, yeah.

• 2:19:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's just no man's land.

• 2:19:09Speaker 03

  Porn is everywhere. It's like left around everywhere because they're.

• 2:19:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, I don't want my kids to fucking know that stuff. Wow, that was, that was a deep cut, dude. You and I got so deep today.

• 2:19:19Speaker 03

  A journey into the past.

• 2:19:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck.

• 2:19:21Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 2:19:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that, that brought me back to being like alone in my dad's house and finding that. And then you're like, what's this?

• 2:19:28Speaker 03

  How much time did you spend alone in your dad's house?

• 2:19:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just all the ti, all times are times I was alone.

• 2:19:33Speaker 03

  Same.

• 2:19:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Latchkey kid. Yeah, they like, they, they want you to come over. They're like, come over. And then they're like, see you later, I'm going out. And you're like, why did you invite me here?

• 2:19:40Speaker 03

  My dad had to work, couldn't afford childcare. So what would happen? You would, you would just go to work and you would take me to these video stores.

• 2:19:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God.

• 2:19:49Speaker 03

  And he's like, you can rent, the rule was. And it's, now that I look at it, it's ironic that you would tell the person the video, so he could rent all the horror movies he wants. But no, nothing sexual. And so I could rent, I would rent eight, you would like, you can rent nine movies. And I get it, he had dad goat. And in his mind, it was like, this is great. And so I would just sit in this apartment, watching the most fucked up horror movies. I spit on your grave.

• 2:20:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 2:20:19Speaker 03

  The hills have eyes. Why, and when I would take a break, I would go find this porn. And watch that, and then go to the pool and watch dudes come into the pool.

• 2:20:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yo, your childhood and mine were very similar. Doesn't sound very different, man. It's, yeah, it's so debaucherous. And I think, you know, look, I just don't think there was an awareness that children were children. I don't think there's an awareness that like we, you had to shield them from things in the eighties. It was like, yeah, well, whatever. And they don't know that kids go through stuff. It's not like my dad had these tapes out in the living room.

• 2:20:58Speaker 03

  Right.

• 2:20:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, you're like, you just had to open a drawer and they were still.

• 2:21:02Speaker 03

  Right.

• 2:21:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck, man, it's dark.

• 2:21:05Speaker 03

  Well, I think it's sort of like, probably in their minds, compared to their childhood.

• 2:21:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 2:21:13Speaker 03

  This was a dramatic improvement. You know, when you, when you hear this boomer stories of their childhoods, it's generally pretty fucked up. And so then they, you know, feel like they're mitigating it, or maybe not. Maybe some of them.

• 2:21:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it's true.

• 2:21:30Speaker 03

  It feels like back then, especially when we were hanging out in our father's gross porny apartments. This is the divorce boom of the, of the eighties. This was a new, everyone's getting divorced. It was all kind of new.

• 2:21:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:21:49Speaker 03

  There wasn't as much of a focus on like, you know, we have to like, not make our children insane, like we are, you know what I mean?

• 2:21:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:21:59Speaker 03

  They were just getting hammered and shit and not really thinking about us. They were taking us to bars.

• 2:22:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  You went to bars too?

• 2:22:04Speaker 03

  Are you kidding? Yeah.

• 2:22:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really?

• 2:22:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:22:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Same.

• 2:22:08Speaker 03

  I can remember this drunk dude at a bar, and I loved it, by the way. I loved it because my dad would give me a handful of quarters and I would just play fucking video games. It was awesome. I didn't, I didn't think about my dad getting hammered. And this drunk dude coming up to me and being like, I want to know you're down great.

• 2:22:27Speaker 03

  You know, this drunk trying to fucking platter my dad?

• 2:22:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:22:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:22:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  The only difference is that I had Hungarian dudes coming up to me, like the, the old bocci nannies and they had like bad cologne on and they were all bald or missing knuckles because they were carpenters. And they would tell me like, your father is the greatest, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. Yeah, same shit. Dude, we used to go to the Beef and Barrel in Canoga Park.

• 2:22:51Speaker 03

  The Beef and Barrel. What's in the barrel?

• 2:22:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look up, look up, see if you can find the Beef and Barrel in Canoga Park. It's, it no longer exists. But my dad and I, we would go there on a school night and same thing. He would give me some quarters. I'd go play fucking, what's the one with the worm?

• 2:23:11Speaker 03

  Centipede.

• 2:23:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bro. And I'd be like, this is the best. And then I would go into the dance floor and I would dance with like sailors who were off on leave or whatever to like moni moni. And they would sing that chorus, hey, motherfucker, get laid, get fucked. And I was like, this is the coolest. And then the next day I would go into third grade and I would tell kids like, well, here's what I did last night.

• 2:23:36Speaker 03

  Dance with sailors at the Beef and Barrel.

• 2:23:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I loved it, truly. And that's why I like comedy because it felt very familiar to be in these dark.

• 2:23:45Speaker 03

  Right.

• 2:23:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Adult spaces where debauchery and, and chaos happens. I liked it.

• 2:23:51Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 2:23:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love comedy.

• 2:23:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't, I, I so don't look back. I mean, I, I recognize how, uh, probably where parenting is concerned that it would not be considered great parenting, but people grow. And like, I remember like starting comedy, broke as broke could be. And you know, I don't think my dad had that much money. I know he didn't. He'd send me money that he didn't have. And you know what he always told me? I would, I'd be on the phone and be like, I don't know. I don't know if this is for me. I'm not gonna do it. And he'd be like, you keep going.

• 2:24:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 2:24:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah. He was a, and so the drunk was right. He is a great man. He was really a great person. And I don't want to sound like some, somebody like whimpering about their childhood, you know? I, I recognized he was a flawed person, just like me and like, but you know, I don't want to like, I, I love him so much. You know, I miss him so much.

• 2:24:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course. I mean, my dad too. I, I, I mean, I think because my parents were immigrants and such DIY punk rockers, they were like, fuck this country, fuck Hungary, like, we're gonna leave. Could you imagine one day?

• 2:25:00Speaker 03

  No.

• 2:25:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're 19, you have not a penny to your name, and you're like, I'm gonna escape?

• 2:25:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:25:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna risk getting thrown into a gulag and dying to get the fuck out of here?

• 2:25:10Speaker 03

  Incredible.

• 2:25:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  To go to like a first world country and they landed in Canada. And then I was born there, you know, 14 years later and we came to America. I'm like, it's just wild.

• 2:25:20Speaker 03

  And what's then, think about what their daughter ended up doing. Oh my God. If you think, think about that. Isn't that crazy?

• 2:25:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's wild, bro.

• 2:25:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:25:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's wild.

• 2:25:34Speaker 03

  It's wild.

• 2:25:37Speaker 03

  What the fuck?

• 2:25:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Josh, that's the logo. Babe, it was a Northridge. Okay.

• 2:25:45Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 2:25:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my, this is my childhood, the Beef and Barrel Co.

• 2:25:51Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 2:25:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, this is my dad's favorite bar.

• 2:25:54Speaker 03

  Can you find images of the bar from the?

• 2:25:58Speaker 03

  I'm looking. Most are from a place with the same name in New York. I'm trying to find something from Northridge.

• 2:26:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Listen, the good thing about divorced dads and being a kid of divorce is you are left alone a lot. And that sucks in some regard, but then you develop a personality, an intrinsic, an inner life.

• 2:26:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:26:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  And like, I got to dance with sailors when I was nine or 10. It's like, fucking who, what? This is bananas. And I didn't end up a heroin addict. I didn't end up a hooker, thankfully. But yeah, what a bizarre life. Wow.

• 2:26:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:26:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't even know what it's like to have a normal life. Can you imagine?

• 2:26:37Speaker 03

  Wouldn't want one.

• 2:26:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh no.

• 2:26:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, who, Book of Job. Let's get biblical here.

• 2:26:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:26:46Speaker 03

  Book of Job.

• 2:26:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:26:47Speaker 03

  Job, God takes everything away from Job. Poxes plagues.

• 2:26:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:26:53Speaker 03

  Fucks him up. And this is apparently God's most loyal servant.

• 2:26:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why does he do that to the nice guy? I never liked that part.

• 2:27:01Speaker 03

  You sound like Job. Job said the same thing. He's like, what the fuck?

• 2:27:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:27:06Speaker 03

  And I think my favorite verse, maybe in the Bible, is when God says to him something on the lines of, who are you to judge that which created the leviathan? Who, basically just saying like, you don't understand. You can't, you, and you know, getting caught up in the whys of things and, and, and becoming, you know, obsessed with the past. There it is, the Beef and Barrel.

• 2:27:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that's, that's Scottsdale. That's not the one I grew up at. No, no, no.

• 2:27:35Speaker 03

  Anyway, I don't, I guess, I just throw my hands up. I, like, who knows?

• 2:27:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  One last dart and then we gotta go.

• 2:27:42Speaker 03

  Who knows why or what?

• 2:27:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, babes. And it's all for the, for your soul's evolution. It is all for the best.

• 2:27:49Speaker 03

  Do you buy into that?

• 2:27:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:27:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, me too.

• 2:27:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I know it. I know it. I'm telling you.

• 2:27:53Speaker 03

  Rom Dass would say that.

• 2:27:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I had my fucking spiritual, I'm telling you, bro. There, I know it's for your soul's evolution. It's, you're trying to get out of, you're just trying to break a cycle or learn more, learn enough so that the next generation doesn't have to suffer in the same way. You're, they're gonna suffer differently.

• 2:28:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:28:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's all the game.

• 2:28:12Speaker 03

  You know what?

• 2:28:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 2:28:13Speaker 03

  Whether it's true or not, I think that's a great lens to look at things through.

• 2:28:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Trauma.

• 2:28:19Speaker 03

  To look at it, like, you know, this is a, some kind of like a university or something.

• 2:28:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it is.

• 2:28:25Speaker 03

  Teaching, it's a, we're clearly being taught, which I think you covered it earlier. We're being taught the central lesson, which is like, you know what doesn't go away?

• 2:28:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:28:36Speaker 03

  Love, love, love, love. That's it. That seems to be the lesson. And I, there's other like little mini lessons and stuff, you know, like how to, how to get the porn tape back to the place where your dad stopped jerking off.

• 2:28:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course. How do you think you'd do that?

• 2:28:56Speaker 03

  The capstone. You gotta get it back to the capstone.

• 2:29:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, terrible. Oh my God. God, I'm so shamed of that. Yeah. God, I'm so shamed. Yeah. That's so crazy. You did that too, though. Like, and there's people listening right now that are like, yeah, I did the same thing. We all rewound the porno tape to where my dad finished jerking off.

• 2:29:16Speaker 03

  Like he's gonna remember.

• 2:29:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. He's gonna remember.

• 2:29:19Speaker 03

  Wait, what the hell? I was jerking off to the rim job scene. This is ridiculous. Now we're on the 69 scene. Boys, get in here.

• 2:29:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that's the thing. And like, he's gonna call you in and scold you and be like, have you guys been jerking off to my porno? And then you'd have to be like, well, yeah, obviously. Like you wouldn't admit. What's the consequence? Yeah, what's the?

• 2:29:43Speaker 03

  Family meeting.

• 2:29:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:29:45Speaker 03

  You shamed your family here to jerk off to your papa's porn. We never did that when I was a child.

• 2:29:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  We respected our elders. Yeah. Yeah. We rewound to the place that our fathers stopped jerking off.

• 2:29:59Speaker 03

  Go find your own porn out there.

• 2:30:04Speaker 03

  Like a Spartan. The Spartans would send their children out to find their own porn.

• 2:30:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh God. God damn. I didn't realize you had the same trauma. I, how have I known you for like 20 years and we've never talked about our porno drama?

• 2:30:20Speaker 03

  I don't know. But it's just, I, maybe it's the, you know, I would, if I had to guess, I would say this is a fairly universal experience for people who went through the, the divorce boom of the eighties and ended up in their dad's shadowy homes and apartments, reeking of loneliness, the stink of loneliness and fear and, and, and, and, and just the general tone of the situation, a kind of enforced hedonism to cover up the fucking heartbreak. You know, the, and you just could feel it. You could feel it, you know, like just the, it was shadowy. And I don't know if that's everybody, but it was a Tropicana.

• 2:31:03Speaker 03

  The Tropicana apartments, they were the opposite of tropical.

• 2:31:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, of course. All that you just said is 100% my childhood. Like I recall, there's this one house in particular, my father lived in, dark, like you just said, dank. The carpets were like this old eighties green or maybe seventies green. Like they don't really have consideration for decorating. It was just like a lair to get women in there, you know? So he had some fucking dope ass records to his credit. Like, he had like Julio Iglesias and like George Benson. So I got into that kind of stuff. Like he had great taste in music, truly. But, uh, yeah, it was just sexual by nature. It was like, this is all, this is what dads do when they divorce. They just fuck.

• 2:31:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:31:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's how they get through it. Yeah. It's like fucking.

• 2:31:51Speaker 03

  They try to bang their way through it in golf. Golf, golf clubs, jars of change, hidden porn stashes.

• 2:31:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jars of change? My dad's. So the change jars, so many change jars.

• 2:32:03Speaker 03

  Jars of change, which you would steal. I would steal from the jars of change.

• 2:32:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course you did.

• 2:32:07Speaker 03

  And go up to the 7-Eleven and buy like chocolate bars.

• 2:32:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, let's talk about this. How did your dad feed you when you lived with him? There was no food in my house. I would live off of Flintstone vitamins, popsicles and frozen hot dogs. Cause he would go to the German store and buy a bunch of hot dogs and then freeze them. And frozen bread, rye bread with no seeds. And he put it in the freezer and that's like what I lived on.

• 2:32:33Speaker 03

  You're my sister.

• 2:32:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think we're just, we have sad childhoods.

• 2:32:38Speaker 03

  Rye bread, I'd give anything for rye bread. I was given like five bucks and I'd go up to a convenience store and I'd buy whatever I wanted to eat. So I'd end up getting like, you know, blueberry muffins. And this was, I remember, I, again, I mean, for better or for worse, children are oblivious. That this is probably not great.

• 2:32:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:32:58Speaker 03

  I thought it was awesome.

• 2:32:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Same.

• 2:32:59Speaker 03

  Going up to the 7-Eleven, get some convenience store food. And I can remember my dad's with some of his friends. And that day I had discovered that next to the Tropicana apartment was a hospital that had a cafeteria.

• 2:33:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 2:33:13Speaker 03

  And I'm like, dad.

• 2:33:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hot food?

• 2:33:15Speaker 03

  I, I, I, I found a cafeteria next to the place and I got cafeteria food today. And I remember his friends being like, oh shit, this is so fucked up. Your kid's celebrating getting hot food? And it, it, and I was, I, it was great.

• 2:33:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  You were stoked, yeah.

• 2:33:34Speaker 03

  I was stoked. I, I mean, I think that's the main, the, the main thing is it's like, I was happy. I was not like, what the fuck? I'm in this shadowy place with porn and horror movies. I was like, this is so much better than school.

• 2:33:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, and it was.

• 2:33:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:33:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you were living a life that was far more exciting than your peers.

• 2:33:54Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, yeah. And you know, not to say, therefore, if you're doing that now as a parent, don't fucking do it. But more that like, you know, I, I don't know, I don't feel victimized. I don't feel like, if only I, I don't feel like that.

• 2:34:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 2:34:09Speaker 03

  I don't feel like that.

• 2:34:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Same. I also, okay, here's one of my divorced dad memories. Like when my parents first got divorced, I was four and we lived in the San Fernando Valley. And my dad was in a depressing apartment complex, but across the street was a 7-Eleven, like you just said. And I would buy, he would let me buy a toy every time he would go buy a sixer, you know?

• 2:34:28Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 2:34:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  And, um, but the, all the toys are jacked because they're like off brand, you know? So it'd be like a Barbie, but like an off brand Barbie.

• 2:34:36Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 2:34:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  So she was like, she could squish her plastic legs together, which you really shouldn't with a real Barbie.

• 2:34:42Speaker 03

  Right.

• 2:34:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I was so, I was so thrilled to just have an off brand Barbie. I didn't know. I mean, I did know, but I didn't know, know what was happening.

• 2:34:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. It was cool.

• 2:34:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was cool.

• 2:34:52Speaker 03

  Oh, he'd take us out to like the countries and like, we always had fireworks. I just remember like just in guns.

• 2:35:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, guns are great.

• 2:35:02Speaker 03

  Shooting bottles, blowing up fireworks, our crazy dog trying to bite the fireworks, burning his whiskers. You know what I mean?

• 2:35:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like it's. That's dad stuff.

• 2:35:11Speaker 03

  That's dad shit.

• 2:35:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, but it's same, so, so my dad would let me shoot guns in the backyard.

• 2:35:16Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 2:35:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:35:18Speaker 03

  Cool.

• 2:35:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. I could shoot an air rifle in our backyard in the San Fernando Valley. I could shoot the lemons off the lemon tree, which was far away enough that it was like, fine. But reckless, single dad stuff kinda made me cool. Like on the other hand.

• 2:35:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:35:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean.

• 2:35:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:35:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know.

• 2:35:35Speaker 03

  Yeah. I mean, look, it, it happened.

• 2:35:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:35:39Speaker 03

  And you know what's, I was eating, I don't know, I was talking to my, to David, Nick Turner, who's like this great Buddhist teacher. And I was like feeling guilty because I ate veal.

• 2:35:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:35:52Speaker 03

  I don't know why, I was just babbling to him. I'm like, I ate veal, I feel bad. And he goes, too late for you? Too late for the lamb.

• 2:36:05Speaker 03

  What are you gonna do? It's gone, it's gone. The, the Tropicana's gone, Beef and Barrel's gone.

• 2:36:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Marriage is gone.

• 2:36:13Speaker 03

  Marriage is gone.

• 2:36:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Too late for you. What is it? Say it again.

• 2:36:16Speaker 03

  Too late for you, too late for the lamb.

• 2:36:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  My love.

• 2:36:20Speaker 03

  My love, my sister.

• 2:36:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  My sister from another mystery. That, that's the best thing to end on. Say it again.

• 2:36:27Speaker 03

  Too late for you, too late for the lamb.

• 2:36:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. So you make the best of what is.

• 2:36:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:36:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  And that's what we shall do. We shall prevail. We shall survive. It is what it is, kids, but your mommy's here, your new stepdad's here.

• 2:36:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  We will survive because we always have.

• 2:36:49Speaker 03

  And we're here for you. The Trussells are here for you. We love you, whatever you need.

• 2:36:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love you so much. You guys have been there in my darkest hour, truly. And I, well, two darkest hours, actually, you were the first person I called when I got diagnosed with cancer. And then you were there for like my nervous breakdown about divorce. Pretty cool, right?

• 2:37:08Speaker 03

  Not going anywhere.

• 2:37:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no, no, we're in it, we're in it for life, buddy, you and me. All right. I think that's a good place to finish. Um, you have anything else to add? You want to plug your?

• 2:37:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just go to Duncan Trussell's website, buy tickets to his.

• 2:37:33Speaker 03

  Wait, I have to, I do.

• 2:37:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, plug, plug.

• 2:37:36Speaker 03

  Wait, this is important.

• 2:37:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is a huge.

• 2:37:38Speaker 03

  This is, yeah, this is important. Albuquerque, Hyenas Comedy Night Club. And then after that, I'm coming to Seattle.

• 2:37:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I love Meat Rattle.

• 2:37:49Speaker 03

  Uh, Meat Rattle Emerald City Comedy Club, 20% off Xylazine. If you use offer code necrotic fasciitis. And then I'll be at, uh, Hyenas, September 18th.

• 2:38:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a good one. That's fun.

• 2:38:07Speaker 03

  I love, yeah. And then, uh, Fort Worth Hyenas, October 23rd. I'm going to be in Detroit at Mic Drop Comedy. That's enough dates. Nobody wants to hear me.

• 2:38:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then the Brooklyn Bell House, that's a huge, great venue, November 18th. It's so much fun. You're gonna have a blast there.

• 2:38:23Speaker 03

  Thanks for letting me plug this.

• 2:38:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, now let me plug my dates.

• 2:38:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Welcome to show business, everybody. Uh, that top one doesn't exist anymore. September 18th, Chicago, Illinois, at the Dunn Theater. And then Wise Guys Comedy Club, October 9th and 10th. And then I'm gonna do fucking Skank Fest, bro.

• 2:38:41Speaker 03

  I'll be there. Yeah.

• 2:38:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't wait. I've never done it, dude.

• 2:38:46Speaker 03

  Oh, it's the best.

• 2:38:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, don't forget to watch Mystery Boys. It drops every Thursday, 8:00 PM Central Time on the YMH channel. Also, don't forget to submit your dating videos. I would like to meet you.

• 2:38:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is this episode?

• 2:39:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. Anyway, I love you. Thanks for watching. If you've watched this far, I appreciate it. And, um, until next time, see you later.

• 2:39:09Speaker 03

  Bye.

• 2:39:12Speaker 07

  S A R T, S A R T, S A R T, S A R T. The word was S A R T, S A R T. We watched what happened. I watched what happened in Brexit. S A R T. The word was fart, fart, fart, fart. S A R T. The word was fart, fart, fart, fart. S A R T. The word was fart, fart, fart, fart. S A R T. The word was fart, fart, fart, fart. S A R T, S A R T, S A R T, S A R T. The word was fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart.

• 2:39:48Speaker 07

  Why isn't the government talking about how to spertain skilled labour? Why isn't the infrastructure minister talking about how to implement infrastructure funds and get construction workers back to work in Alberta? Why does this government treat Alberta like a fart in the room that nobody wants to talk about or acknowledge? S A R T. Laughing at me. Fart, fart. S A R T. And they're laughing at you. S A R T. Laughing at me. Fart, fart. S A R T.

• 2:40:18Speaker 07

  We watched what happened. Fart, fart, fart, fart. I watched what happened. Fart, fart, fart, fart. We watched what happened. Fart, fart, fart, fart. Oh, and by the way, constituents.

• 2:40:36Speaker 07

  Laughing at me. Fart. Laughing, laughing at me. Laughing at me. Fart. Laughing, laughing, laughing, laughing at me. Fart. Laughing, laughing at me. Laughing at me. Fart. Laughing, laughing, laughing. We watched what happened. Fart, fart, fart, fart. I watched what happened. Fart, fart, fart, fart. We watched what happened. Fart, fart, fart, fart. Oh, and by the way, constituents.

• 2:41:31Speaker 01

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