THIS 1 THING MADE US MILLIONS! w/ Jamie Kern Lima

If you want to get FREE live coaching with Jamie and Ed, visit worthybook.com/ed and you’ll gain access to a live coaching with the both of us when you pre-order Jamie’s new book, WORTHY. This 1 thing made us MILLIONS… On today’s episode we're tackling a silent barrier that just may be the 1 thing holding you back from reaching your dreams, no matter what they may be: SELF-WORTH! Joining me for this life-changing episode is my dear friend, the extraordinary Jamie Kern Lima, who went from a Denny's waitress to a billion-dollar entrepreneur, New York Times bestselling author and world-class speaker. Now remember this… Building UNSHAKEABLE SELF-WORTH is the singular most powerful tool that catapulted our success to staggering heights and THIS EPISODE is a toolkit, loaded with strategies and insights, for anyone fighting the internal battle of self-doubt and negative thinking including: Identifying the signs of low self-worth and understanding its impact How self-worth can fuel or destroy your success A deep-dive into self-love and its transformative power Debunking the myth that achievement equals love and acceptance from others How to turn rejection into a source of strength The non-negotiable need for authenticity Embracing vulnerability and the reality of down days The power of self-reflection and finding your worth in the mirror. Navigating through issues related to body image and weight. Don't miss this chance to redefine your self-worth and start living the life you were always meant to lead. It's a conversation that's not just valuable – it's absolutely vital. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ed Mylett?

  So hey guys, are you frustrated with where you're at right now? Maybe stunted in your progress? Well, if you are, I want to recommend a place for you to go called Growth Day. GrowthDay.com/Ed. It is the number one personal development app on the planet. It's got all kinds of high-performance techniques in there. Courses, accountability, journaling, live speeches from some of the top influencers in the world, including me. It's an overall environment to change your life. GrowthDay.com/Ed. I hear so many small business owners say the exact same thing. They just never have enough time in the day. Well, I measure time differently. I've compressed, condensed, heck, I've bent time. My first day is 6:00 a.m. to noon. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6:00 p.m. And my third day, 6:00 p.m. to midnight.

• 0:45Ed Mylett?

  I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, over a year, over five years, and my life's completely different than it would have been otherwise. And if you want to win as an entrepreneur, you have to compress your time too. And you definitely can't afford to waste it waiting weeks on a big bank for capital. Your best bet's to work with my friends at Cardiff. They know how to compress time for entrepreneurs. They get your business approved in minutes and funded the very same day. They're America's favorite small business lender, and for good reason. Over 20 years in business, over $12 billion deployed to small business across America. Stop letting bank delays slow down your momentum. Head to Cardiff.co/Ed. That's Cardiff.co/Ed. Cardiff.co. Real growth, fast funding.

• 1:27Ed Mylett?

  Cardiff, borrow better.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. Good times mean competitions between you and your friends, like seeing who can throw some pigskin the farthest or rush the field the fastest. Winner gets an Ultra. Because it's not just a superior-like beer, it's also giving fans superior access to their favorite sporting events. Superior is worth playing for. Visit MichelobUltra.com/SuperiorAccess to enter. Enjoy responsibly. Copyright 2026 Anheuser-Busch InBev Michelob Ultra Beer, St. Louis, Missouri.

• 2:04Speaker 02

  This is the Ed Miliband Show.

• 2:08Ed Mylett?

  All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. Well, today is gonna be amazing because, I don't know, outside of my family, maybe my favorite human is sitting right across the table from me here today. And I always feel honored when I get a chance to share her with all of you and time with her. The other thing I gotta tell you that I'm really, really excited about is her book is finally here. It's a little bit, if you're listening to this, it's a little bit a few weeks before. If you're listening to this before February 20th, you can go to worthybook.com/ed. If you would like to be coached by me and this lady, all you have to do is go get her book at worthybook.com/ed. Now, let me properly introduce her because I'm sure you're all thrilled that she's my great friend. How about this? You're a waitress

• 2:53Ed Mylett?

  at Denny's, you're adopted, all of your life you've struggled with whether or not you are worthy enough to do anything in your life, and you find yourself many, many years later, exiting your company for over $1 billion. I want you to picture that. You've grown up your entire life as an adopted little girl, wondering whether or not you're worthy enough. And you find yourself Sunday later, building an amazing family, and exiting your company for over $1 billion. And oh, by the way, then becoming the first ever female CEO of L'Oréal. So if there is a person qualified to talk about being worthy and how you grow your worthiness in your life, it is this woman right here, the author of this new book called Worthy:

• 3:35Ed Mylett?

  How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life: Simple Steps, Life-Changing Results, from someone who knows how to do that in a huge way. Jamie Kern Lima, welcome back to the show.

• 3:46Jamie Kern Lima?

  Ed, I love you. You're gonna make me cry.

• 3:48Ed Mylett?

  I love you.

• 3:49Jamie Kern Lima?

  My lashes off before we even start. I'm excited. I am, I'm on fire. I cannot believe this is coming out. We've been waiting so long.

• 3:56Ed Mylett?

  Finally.

• 3:57Jamie Kern Lima?

  And I just wanna say thank you off the top, just for the human being you are in the world and you outside of my family, my favorite people in the world. So this is gonna be fire. Anyone listening, let's go.

• 4:11Ed Mylett?

  I have to tell you, I gotta tell you, this book's incredible, you guys. And I am biased because I love this woman. Sorry, getting emotional already. And I very deeply believe in her. But I gotta tell you, I believe in this book. And I believe what's in this book. Now, I thought I knew you, which we're gonna get to in a minute. There's some stuff in this book. Oh, my gosh. There's things I did not know about young Jamie that we're gonna get into. But let's set the stage first, okay? Because there's some statistics early in the book that like blew my mind, particularly as it's applied to women, but men aren't real far behind either. Give us some of the data on this. Really, you talk about an epidemic.

• 4:52Ed Mylett?

  Lack of feeling worthy in someone's life. It's at epidemic levels right now. I think the digital age has even made it even worse, probably particularly for women. But give us some of the data on why this matters so much.

• 5:04Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah, men and women. And I think, you know, right now, for anyone listening, if you could be crushing it, hitting career goals, doing everything right, have six pack abs, whatever it is for you. But if deep down inside, you still feel like you're not enough. It will affect every single area of your life. And so like right now, as we're speaking live, 80% of women don't believe they're enough. 75% of female executives deal with imposter syndrome. 91% of girls and women don't love their bodies. But 73% of men feel inadequate. And here's the thing is, we can be really good at hiding it. But it does not mean it does not surface in every area of our life, our business, our leadership.

• 5:48Jamie Kern Lima?

  When you believe you are fundamentally not enough and worthy as you are, like it is a lie. It is a lie that you can unlearn. And, you know, I really wrote this book for every girl, every woman, every man, every person to literally learn what are the tools? That I can actually apply to my life right now to believe I'm enough. Because Ed, in my life, like I worked really hard. I believed that if I did enough things, accomplish enough things, got enough attention, won enough awards, hit a certain number in my bank account, did what the world told me success looks like.

• 6:26Jamie Kern Lima?

  That then I'd feel enough. And it was through doing so much of that and then literally sabotaging huge parts of my life and not knowing why. Staying stuck and not knowing why. And it's because I didn't understand that I can have a whole lot of self-confidence. But if deep down inside, I don't believe I'm enough. Like, that's what happens, right? We sabotage all these areas of our life. We stay stuck. We don't know why our business isn't doubling. We don't know why we're not happy in our marriage or in our career, and we think it's the other person. When underneath it all, if we don't learn how to build strong self-worth, it literally impacts every area of our life.

• 7:02Ed Mylett?

  What's the difference then between self-confidence? So you're saying I could actually have self-confidence?

• 7:07Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 7:08Ed Mylett?

  And still not feel worthy?

• 7:09Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 7:09Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 7:10Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 7:10Ed Mylett?

  Well, I think you, I think, I think you described me.

• 7:13Jamie Kern Lima?

  It's, it's, yes.

• 7:14Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 7:15Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 7:15Ed Mylett?

  I think you described me. Go ahead, answer that. I want to hear this. This is really good.

• 7:18Jamie Kern Lima?

  Well, and I think, I think that I'm excited for you to share. I'm excited to ask you about this in your life, Ed, because so many people know you, love you. They aspire to have what you have and to all of the things. And I think why they connect with you so deeply in addition to that is because you're willing to actually share what's happening deep inside of you.

• 7:42Ed Mylett?

  So are you.

• 7:43Jamie Kern Lima?

  I think, you know, here's the thing. So this is a huge, like, I always think of that emoji with the head exploding, right? Anyone listening right now, this may be a huge aha moment for you. And I always describe aha moment. I define it as like a moment when you're knowing, like surpasses your conditioned belief system. An aha lightbulb moment, right? This was one in my life. After I thought I had accomplished it all and didn't understand why I still didn't feel enough, I learned that there is a massive difference between self-confidence and self-worth. Here's the best way I can describe it. And they're both very important in our lives, but they're very different. Self-confidence, while it's an internal trait, it's based so much on what's happening around us externally.

• 8:27Jamie Kern Lima?

  It's how we assess our own skills and abilities, how we feel we're, you know, stacking up against other people, our willingness to try and go for it. If we keep the promises we make to ourselves, how much of the world's definition of success that we feel we have, right? There's all the studies that show the boxer who wins the fight is automatically 30% more confident, right?

• 8:49Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 8:49Jamie Kern Lima?

  Confidence rises and falls. It's fragile. It's volatile. It fluctuates. But self-worth is actually the deep, internal knowing that you are worthy of love and belonging exactly as you are. Not as you're achieving, not as you're winning or losing, not as you're, you know, anything else going on on the outside, but exactly as you are. And the, kind of the way I compare them is like, you know, self-confidence is your assessment and your abilities as a person, as a person. Self-worth is your belief and your value as a person.

• 9:24Ed Mylett?

  Jamie, I gotta tell you, I, I, when you were writing the book the whole time, by the way, Jamie came on the show about, I don't know, like a year ago, and I had excerpts from the book, and I kept telling you how incredible it was. It's different reading the whole book. It affected me much differently. And by the way, I want to be very clear, this book is not for women. It's for humans.

• 9:42Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 9:42Ed Mylett?

  And it hit me differently. I think even I've conflated self-confidence with worth, thinking if I became more confident, if I achieved more things, if I got... And I think I can tell you guys all truly that she's a thousand percent right, that there's a distinction between the two, because I'm still working at this stage, and the book helped me, by the way. There's tools and tactics, there's lies in the book that we tell ourselves. She said something in the book that stood out to me. As I was reading and I was going in the room, I told you and telling my daughter Bella, Bella, this, and I realized at one point, I didn't need to keep telling Bella all these things, I needed to sit there with it myself. And I'm 52, and I've done a lot of work, as you know, and helped a lot of people. In the book, you said, "Achievement doesn't lead to love or fulfillment."

• 10:27Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes, yes.

• 10:29Ed Mylett?

  I think I'm like, you know what, if I just keep achieving things.

• 10:32Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 10:33Ed Mylett?

  If I just keep accumulating things, if I keep helping enough other people, too, if I just help enough other people, it's a very different thing than worth. Confidence and achievement is very different than worth. What about you? I'm curious. Do you still struggle with any of this? It's kind of the expert who's written the book.

• 10:50Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 10:51Ed Mylett?

  And, yeah.

• 10:52Jamie Kern Lima?

  Every day, and it is a lifelong journey, but learning how to build my self-worth, for the first time in my life, I'm feeling fulfilled.

• 11:02Ed Mylett?

  Good.

• 11:02Jamie Kern Lima?

  For the first time, and, and I want to share, something you just said is so, so, so important, because... So many of us believe this lie. We don't know it's a lie, but we believe like think, think everyone, you know, with us right now and everyone listening and watching this right now. Think about, has there been something in your life, a big goal or a dream where you thought, when I finally get that thing, then I'm going to be happy, then I'm going to be fulfilled, then I'm going to be enough. And maybe it's, you know, a certain number in the bank account or a certain job title or when your company hits a threshold or when you get married and have kids or the six-pack abs, whatever it is. And then you finally got the thing. Maybe it took you years to get it. You finally got it. And then what happens? You might feel excited for a year or a month or a few hours.

• 11:46Jamie Kern Lima?

  And before you know it, you're back down to feeling like, huh, I still feel like something's missing. I still feel like this isn't enough. And so then what do we do? We think, okay, I just got to achieve more. So then we work harder and harder and harder, hard. And listen, to your point, while you're doing this, you're building a whole lot of self-confidence, which is important. A lot of times we're growing in that process, which is important. A lot of times we're serving others, which is so important. Those three things are all very important. But none of this, none of this constant hustling, achievement, accomplishment, all the things, none of that actually builds self-worth. It builds a lot of self-confidence, but it doesn't build self-worth. And so here's the deal, y'all. Here is what low self-worth looks like in our life.

• 12:28Jamie Kern Lima?

  And by the way, it can look like the man or woman crushing it with millions and millions of followers or a massive company or a whole lot of fame or whatever, whatever your definition of success that you believe success is, it can look like that on the outside. But what self-worth looks like on the inside when it's low, okay? And see if you resonate with this at home, because a lot of people feel like, I don't understand why I'm hitting a plateau in my business. I don't understand why I feel stuck. I don't understand why I feel like unfulfilled, like something's missing. So see if one of these boxes, if you check one of these boxes, because here's what low self-worth looks like in our life, even if we're crushing it on the outside, right? If you have super low, low, low self-worth, what it looks like is you stay stuck.

• 13:14Jamie Kern Lima?

  You're stuck and you don't know why. You know you have a book inside of you to write, but the words aren't coming. You know you have art you want to put out in the world, or this wild business idea that might be so innovative. And you don't know why you're not sharing it, or why you're not going for it, or why you haven't registered the domain. Right? Because in our life, and this is across the board, I'm gonna start hitting this table, I'm gonna get so excited. Ed, every time, over time, we do not perform to the level of our potential. We plateau at the level of our self-worth. And this is in your career, your dreams, your hopes, your ambitions, your relationships, all of it, right? I talk about this a lot in Worthy in the book, where I say like, we don't rise to what we believe is possible.

• 13:59Jamie Kern Lima?

  We fall to what we believe we're worthy of. We don't soar to the level of our goals and dreams, we stay stuck at the level of our self-worth. So if you have low self-worth, like, it looks like, why am I stuck in my life? Now, if you have medium, a little bit more self-worth, here's what that looks like. And maybe this applies to someone listening right now. It looks like, okay, you believe you're worthy enough to go for it, so you go for it. But you don't quite believe you're worthy enough to get it, so you sabotage it.

• 14:26Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 14:27Jamie Kern Lima?

  Right? If you're someone who goes for things, and you, or, say you finally meet that amazing partner, and you don't know why you F the whole thing up, or you put them in the friend zone, or you're somehow not attracted to them. And you just think, it's because we attract what we believe we're worthy of.

• 14:42Ed Mylett?

  Gosh, that's so true.

• 14:42Jamie Kern Lima?

  So if you just have like, low to medium self-worth, you'll go for things, but you'll either sabotage them, or you'll just miss out on getting them, and you don't know why. If you have medium to high self-worth, here's what that looks like. That looks like we go for the thing, like, and we actually get it. We accomplish it, we believe we're worthy of it. But when we don't have super high self-worth, we get the thing, but we still feel like something's missing.

• 15:08Ed Mylett?

  Amen.

• 15:08Jamie Kern Lima?

  We still feel unfulfilled, and we don't know why. Everyone in the world can tell us we're amazing, but deep down inside, we don't think we're enough, so we keep thinking we gotta get more, because if we get enough, we'll finally be enough. If we achieve enough, we'll finally be enough, right? If my body fat gets low enough, I'll finally be enough. All of it's a lie. None of it leads to self-worth.

• 15:30Ed Mylett?

  Holy Spirit's flowing through you right now, just so you know. It's awesome to watch. You're in the flow zone, Holy Spirit everywhere, can feel it while you're talking. I just want to say that to you as your friend, like- You're in it.

• 15:40Jamie Kern Lima?

  You're gonna make me cry. Ed, you know this. I've never said this out loud before in public, but you know, I don't feel like I wrote this book. Like this book came through me and I think in our life, like you know, because you know my life that I have accomplished a whole lot. But I've also like even after accomplishing, even after selling my company for 1.2 billion dollars cash, I had a lot of confidence, but I did not have a lot of self-worth yet. And I didn't know the, and I sabotaged things. And I, this book, I'm getting emotional because honestly, I think about every girl, every woman, every man out there who right now is gonna just keep striving for all this stuff and not realize that if they just learn the tools to be enough exactly as they are, A, they become more fearless and go for things

• 16:23Jamie Kern Lima?

  even more. This doesn't curb, feeling strong self-worth and enough exactly as you are does not curb your ambition. Okay. It gives you more ambition, right? There's this lie that we believe that, oh, if I feel like I'm enough and worthy of love and belonging exactly as I am, I'm gonna lose my edge. I'm gonna lose my ambition. No. Actually, when you realize, oh, wait, if I fall flat on my face, if I win, if I lose, yeah, it might affect my confidence, but it does not touch my self-worth. My self-worth is unshakable. Then that's when you become fearless. That's when you actually become more ambitious because you don't care about the outcome because you know it can't rattle you, right? So, building strong self-worth, it's the foundation. Your confidence is the house you

• 17:05Jamie Kern Lima?

  build upon the foundation. But that house is only as rock solid as the foundation of self-worth you have under it that then equates to your level of fulfillment and also your level of fearlessness and going after the things, the dreams on your heart, your potential, your calling, the person you're born to be.

• 17:21Ed Mylett?

  Oh, my gosh. Like, first off, everybody, I just want to step out of this because if I, I won't remember because I'm so dialed in. But if you go to worthybook.com/ed, you can qualify to get coached by Jamie and I on a coaching call with us and also get the book. And I just highly recommend you do that. So, I have to tell you how this applies with me. Number one, in my baseball career, when I went away to college, I always held a little bit in reserve. I worked hard. No one didn't, none of my teammates or coaches I don't think would ever know I didn't give it everything. But I still have nightmares to this day about not making it in professional baseball. After all I've accomplished. And I've evaluated later in my life, any of you right now that aren't giving it everything you've got in a relationship or in a business or something.

• 18:04Ed Mylett?

  Take this page out of my book and what Jamie just said, I'll give you the application of two things he said. I've evaluated it and I left a little bit in the tank. Almost like, did I do it so I'd have an excuse later, like, why'd I? Just a little bit, there was more in me I could have given. And I'll regret it the rest of my life, no matter what I achieved, that was an opportunity and a moment in my life that I didn't max out. And the truth is, it's because I didn't think I was worthy of it. I just didn't. And it showed up and I think after that, I went, you know what, that's never going to be the case again, I'm going to achieve. What I went to work on was my self-confidence, not my worth. And so I became a very self-confident man. And then I achieved and where the worthiness thing shows up for me, just so the audience knows, the areas that it can show up. I do think I'm worthy of wealth.

• 18:50Ed Mylett?

  I've produced it. I do think I'm worthy of feeling some happiness and joy in my life, I actually have that. For me, the worthiness thing shows up in love. I give love to all other people. But in my own life, in my quiet moments, I don't allow myself to feel it very often. Even from people who truly love me. I don't allow myself to feel it and experience it on a deep level, not the way that I should. And my evaluation and reading your work, just this last week again, was like, that's because I don't think I'm worthy of it. And so I won't allow myself to feel that, I'll give it. But that area of my life, feeling loved. I think just because of the way I was raised or whatever it is, I just don't feel like I'm worthy of it.

• 19:34Ed Mylett?

  And yet, when I read the book, I learned tools on how to begin to change that. So I want to tell you that it profoundly affected me, someone that you know very, very well. But did that show up for you too, the love part of it? Because obviously you produced a lot of wealth, a lot of wealth, a lot of success, a lot of notoriety. But it was the love part in my life, like just feeling loved, that I never allowed myself and still don't most of the time to experience. That's where it shows up for me.

• 20:01Jamie Kern Lima?

  And I know, obviously, I won't call this out here, but I know also when that can look like keeping friends in our life that don't love us back the way we love them, that don't show up for us.

• 20:14Jamie Kern Lima?

  Right? You and I both have done that. Also, I just want to say this, that, you know, a lot of your audience might know these parts of your stories from your book, The Power of One More, from other areas. When you were growing up, you were the one that had to love everyone else. You were the one, Ed, that like took care of your family. You were the one that so many times had to be the man of the house. You were the one that had to see, is my dad gonna enter the key? And I'm gonna hear it and know within a second, he's drunk right now, and I'm gonna have to protect my mom. Like, you were the one giving all the love. And so, you know, for those of us who've gone through tough experiences, which a lot of us have in different ways.

• 20:55Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, you have, for sure.

• 20:56Jamie Kern Lima?

  Learning to love ourselves right now. First of all, it will impact every relationship in your entire life, because whether you're talking about your romantic partner or your kids, or your friends, your depth, all the studies will prove this, your depth of connection and love with them, between you and them, can only be as strong as your depth of love and connection with yourself. And we have this lie that tells us, oh, loving myself is selfless, or some kind of woo-woo stuff, or this or that. Oh, uh-uh. Like, doing the work to learn to believe you are lovable, worthy of love, and actually loving yourself and connecting with yourself. So many of us go through the entire day. We know how to like deliver for everyone else, please everyone else, make everyone else happy.

• 21:41Jamie Kern Lima?

  We don't even know how we feel. We don't know how we feel. We're not connected to ourselves. We don't believe we're worthy of connecting to ourselves. It impacts every other relationship. And then we end up feeling lonely. So there's a lot of us that can serve and give and and show up the way we think everyone else needs, but we actually feel lonely, and we don't realize we're robbing them of a depth of connection if we don't do the work on learning to believe we're worthy exactly as we are, and learning to love ourselves, right? And there's a lot of tools in the book, Worthy, on how to do this. There's a whole section on self-worth shortcuts. And this has shown up in my life a lot.

• 22:17Ed Mylett?

  Give us one of them, right now. And I'm gonna ask you about the disconnection then, because you asked me last night, what are your favorite parts of the book? I think it probably surprised you what some of my favorite parts of the book were, but one of them is on disconnection.

• 22:27Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 22:28Ed Mylett?

  Because I'm familiar with it, but we'll talk about that in a minute. But give us one little tip from the book.

• 22:32Jamie Kern Lima?

  I will, okay. Before I forget to say this to you, I just have to say it. I want to thank you for being so generous, because when people go to where the book dot com slash Ed, if you preorder, you're getting a coaching call live with me and Ed. Everybody who does that at where the book dot com slash Ed is getting a live coaching call.

• 22:47Ed Mylett?

  It'll be awesome.

• 22:48Jamie Kern Lima?

  Ed and me, I'm so excited about it, but I know how precious your time is, and I just want to say thank you for that.

• 22:53Ed Mylett?

  I'm honored to do it.

• 22:55Jamie Kern Lima?

  Okay, so, two things. Actually, why don't I just go there? I have never said these words out of my mouth, ever, publicly in my life. And you now know this story. My mom, who passed away last year, knows this story. That's it, until this book comes out. I never knew, growing up, why I didn't feel enough. And, I mean, you know, I learned later in life, I was adopted, I learned all the things. My parents worked a ton, I was alone a lot. But I believed the lie that achievement equaled love, or attention equaled love.

• 23:39Jamie Kern Lima?

  And, you know, when I was 18, I started working in a health club in sales. And I was, first I was a receptionist, and then what happened is that all the salespeople got so busy, they asked me to start doing club tours. It was this health club with 8,000 members. I'd do the club tour and I'd have to present the membership pricing at the end. I started crushing it in sales.

• 23:59Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 23:59Jamie Kern Lima?

  Right? And all of a sudden, I was outperforming the sales team. Now, you're promoted in this health club, not based on your qualifications, or if you're even mature enough to handle it. It's pure numbers.

• 24:11Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 24:12Jamie Kern Lima?

  All they care about is who's making the most money. So I get promoted to sales, into sales. And then I start crushing it in the sales team, and I get promoted to assistant manager, eventually manager.

• 24:24Jamie Kern Lima?

  All the people reporting into me are like twice my age and they're people that have been selling their whole career.

• 24:29Ed Mylett?

  Here we go, you guys.

• 24:32Jamie Kern Lima?

  I, there's one guy in particular. Who, Ed, let me just, I'm gonna be embarrassed saying this out loud in front of you. Okay, he was the first guy in my life where I was like, he is so hot. By the way, he's double my age, okay? He's double my age and he's dating a number of women. And he literally looks like, like an A-list celebrity to me. I'll never forget one moment, I'm standing there at the front desk, closing another sale, like recording it. He walks by and you know that moment when someone holds eye contact with you? And you know that moment just shifted and you're no longer just friends. In this case, I was his boss.

• 25:17Ed Mylett?

  You were his boss when he's twice your age.

• 25:19Jamie Kern Lima?

  And he's twice my age. And also I knew he was dating half of the other, I mean, he was dating so many women. At the time, I had a lot of confidence, I was crushing sales, my numbers were top every week, right? But I did not have a lot of self-worth. And we started dating, I like fell in love, I mean, I was in love. And I eventually said like, let's just be exclusive. And he's like, no. No. And I was like, okay, I had to decide in that moment. Do I want to love him and betray myself? And I chose to.

• 25:58Jamie Kern Lima?

  And I, because again, we're talking about careers, business, all the ways self-worth, it can impact your relationships. It can impact every area of your life. And I literally, like, I mean, was just crushed every week, over and over and over and over and stayed in that relationship. And eventually I decided to leave and move off to college. So now, we break up, I go off to college and I'm waitressing at Denny's, I get a job, waitressing at Denny's. These are the words I have never shared.

• 26:32Ed Mylett?

  So hey guys, as you know, I've partnered up with my good friend Brennan Burchard, who's created the greatest personal development system that has ever been designed called Growth Day. There's everything from journaling to accountability programs, live messages every Monday from myself and other influencers. There's an opportunity for you to get courses that would cost thousands of dollars completely for free. It's incredible. Go to growthday.com/ed and check it out. This episode is sponsored by Ro. A lot of people assume GLP-1s cost a fortune, and that assumption keeps them from even looking into treatment. Ro helps people find a more affordable path to FDA-approved GLP-1 treatment. Ro wants to help people lose weight. That's why they have more affordable GLP-1 options, whether you're paying with

• 27:13Ed Mylett?

  insurance or cash. Ro's free insurance checker makes it easy to see if you're covered for GLP-1 injections. Just submit your insurance card and Ro handles the rest. No paperwork, no waiting on hold, no confusing phone calls. And if insurance doesn't cover treatment, there are still options. Ro offers the lowest-cost, cash-pay FDA-approved GLP-1s, such as daily pills and multi-dose pens. I use products by Ro, and you should too. Go to ro.co/milet to see if you qualify. That's R-O dot C-O slash my let to get started on Ro. For side effects of GLP-1 medications, including boxed warning, go to ro.co/safety. ro.co/safety.

• 27:56Ed Mylett?

  So when I ended up buying the island, we had to do all of our outdoor decorating, and I spent a fortune in the first half of the place. And I'm like, I don't want to do this anymore, but I want the best stuff. And that's where Wayfair came in. My wife wanted to get this new garden bed, and Wayfair was the place that offered the perfect solution. Wayfair also helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews. Wayfair verified products are hand-vetted by product specialists. They use a 10-point quality inspection system. Here's all I can tell you. The stuff has lasted over time. It looks great, and I get compliments on it. Shop thousands of products across every style and budget, whether you're trying to refresh your space for fall or transform your space for Halloween. Use filters, custom photos, and reviews to find the right fit for your home. More than 20 million verified five-star

• 28:37Ed Mylett?

  reviews. 20 million. So transform your space with the pieces that hold up to real life. Join Wayfair Rewards today and get 5% back on every purchase. Head to wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com.

• 28:59Ed Mylett?

  Okay, you guys, can I just say before you share them? This is where, it's okay. I'm being emotional for you. This is where you're really helping people. There's, there's millions of girls, especially, that need to hear the story you just told and the one you're about to. And I know they're hard, but this is, this is the real work. This is not, I sold my company for a billion dollars and here's how I did it. This is the real stuff right here, so.

• 29:25Jamie Kern Lima?

  There's so much in this book, and this book is not my story. This book is 20 plus tools on building Unshakeable self-worth. But I weave some stories in here I've never shared before because.

• 29:35Ed Mylett?

  It qualifies you, Jamie. This qualifies you. And, and, and, um, go ahead. You said because.

• 29:40Jamie Kern Lima?

  Well, you know, I almost took these stories out so many times.

• 29:42Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, you told me you were thinking about it. I didn't know what they were until I read it. Thank God you didn't.

• 29:47Jamie Kern Lima?

  I just kept remembering the intention of this book. It is not about me. Like for anybody listening to us right now who feels like their past and their, their failures and their mistakes and the people they've hurt and the things that they feel like, as you would say, disqualify them from their dreams. Right? Like so many people feel that way and they're staying here thinking, oh, I failed so many times. That means I'm a failure. They let it take root at an identity level. I've been rejected so many times. I'm a rejector. I've made so many mistakes and bad decisions. I'm a mistake. And that is a lie. It is a lie that impacts our self-worth. It's a lie that you can unlearn. But here's, here's the problem. I was at a moment in my life, I'm waitressing at Denny's.

• 30:29Jamie Kern Lima?

  I have big dreams on my heart and I start to miss the fact that I'm crushing numbers every week and that I'm having all of the sales success and all this attention and this money. And I'm like, huh, okay, I'm waitressing at Denny's, busting my butt, hoping that someone throws a few dimes on the table because I'm in a college town where everyone has no money. And here's what happened, Ed, and this is for everybody listening. When we have low self-worth, even when we don't realize it, we get confused about a few things in life that are key. We get confused when we do not feel we are enough as we are. Attention starts looking like love.

• 31:12Jamie Kern Lima?

  External significance starts looking like success.

• 31:18Jamie Kern Lima?

  Validation from others starts looking like worthiness. And I was missing all of those things that I thought were love and worthiness. And the way it manifested in my life is I drove to the biggest city. I've never shared this before. I drove to the biggest city about an hour and a half away. Drove to, didn't even know what I was gonna do, frankly. I was just like, you know. Stopped at an adult entertainment club, also known as a strip club. Walked inside, saw all of these waitresses in these black pants and white shirts. And then all of these dancers not wearing anything.

• 32:01Jamie Kern Lima?

  I remember the first time I walked in, there was like thirty or so patrons, men sitting in the audience. And I talked to a waitress there. And she told me like she makes a few hundred bucks a shift selling sodas. They didn't even have alcohol there, selling sodas. And I literally applied for a job and got hired that day in the strip club. And I would waitress all week at Denny's and I'd drive up there on the weekends. And then I'd waitress in the strip club, now wearing black pants, a white shirt. But thinking, huh, maybe I'll also dance, right? And in that club, for me in that moment, two big, two big things. One, attention.

• 32:45Jamie Kern Lima?

  I was confusing attention with love.

• 32:48Jamie Kern Lima?

  I started dating someone who works, who was a patron of the club. And I remember there was this moment where he took me to a firing range. And I'm out in the middle of nowhere, in some city I don't know anybody in, with this dude I barely know. Holding this gun at a firing range and we're shooting targets. And I remember it was so loud. And I was like, huh, okay, like he loved it, you know, I just love hobbies like that. And I was just like, I was more scared than I was interested at that point. And I remember just sort of losing connection with him over time. And eventually, one night, he drove me home from the strip club, about hour and a half back to my college apartment. And I decided to break up with him.

• 33:31Jamie Kern Lima?

  And in that moment, I remember looking in the back of his Jeep and seeing all of these guns. And just going, what am I doing with my life? Like, what am I doing with my life?

• 33:41Ed Mylett?

  Even made sure the door was unlocked.

• 33:43Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah, yeah, cuz I was like, going through my head, like, you know, cuz when I, when I broke up with him, he got really quiet. And I got really scared. And I was like, what am I doing with my life? And I was like, making sure the door was unlocked cuz I have to dive out in the middle of the highway. Like, it was so scary. And I remember, he dropped me off at my college apartment and we never spoke again. But that moment was a low for me in the sense where I was like, what am I doing with my life? And, you know, you often talk about the thermostat example, that, you know, if we believe we're a seventy-five in identity or self-worth and, and, and, and things go lower, you know, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll warm it back up a little bit. And at that moment, you know, a couple of big things happened in my life that I share in the book

• 34:24Jamie Kern Lima?

  that helped me start to build self-worth and to believe I'm enough. But, but here's what I wanna say, there's a lot of things like this and others that I share in the book because I could have gone, okay. No one in my family has ever gone to college, or I've done these kind of things, or hung out with these kind of people. I talk in the book about getting arrested for the first time and dating a guy who stole cars all the time and like-

• 34:52Ed Mylett?

  Fourteen years old.

• 34:52Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah, and what it was like to be booked into juvie and just like, all of these things where I could have said to myself, like, oh, you know.

• 35:06Jamie Kern Lima?

  All the things I've done that are bad means I'm bad. And that's one of the biggest lies we are so tempted to tell ourselves. All the things in my past that I'm embarrassed of, or ashamed of, or mortified of, or the mistakes I made, or whatever it might be, mean I'm a mistake, and it's a lie. And it's, we attach these labels to ourselves. I have a whole chapter in Worthy called Labels. And how we believe these labels, someone else has said about us, or that we've stuck on ourselves. We believe they're permanent. And we let them take root, but they're not. They're like post-it notes with that light adhesive. You can peel them right off, right? And I go through how to do that. But I could have doubted myself out of my own destiny, right?

• 35:48Jamie Kern Lima?

  A lot of people, if they Google my story, you won't find any of this. What you find is, oh, you know, Denny's waitress builds billion-dollar companies. She's on the Forbes list. She taught a class with Oprah this year. You see all that. And you, and you might think like, oh, things like that happen to other people. Not people who have made so many mistakes like I have, or not people who have been through what I've been through. Or, and, and I just, I finally decided to keep some of the stuff in the book because this book is not about me. It's for every single person who has some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill. And here's the thing I want to say too, Ed, about this is, I believe, every person listening, I believe our steps are ordered. I believe our lives are divinely orchestrated.

• 36:33Jamie Kern Lima?

  And let me tell you something right now, when I built it cosmetics, when we have millions and millions and millions of paying customers in the US and built this whole movement, like, it was not an accident. I worked in a strip club. It wasn't an accident I waitressed at Denny's. It wasn't an accident that I was selling in the health club and understood what it's like to love someone else at the expense of loving myself. I believe, because what I learned, that, that my friends who work with me in the strip club, in the adult entertainment club, my friends there are the same. As my friends sitting next to me in my college classes, as the professors teaching, as, as the people waitressing with me at Denny's, as the, the now fellow CEOs

• 37:18Jamie Kern Lima?

  and fellow billionaires I know, right? They're, they're the same at our core. We all want to know we're enough. That we're worthy of love and belonging? Every one of us, we're the same.

• 37:30Ed Mylett?

  I've never been more proud of you. The reason I'm just sitting here watching you is like, I read it, I was proud of you, but to see you talk about it, it's even another level to have to verbalize it, I think. And I just hope everyone gains some measure of hope.

• 37:45Ed Mylett?

  You know, that who would have pictured this girl who's working at the, the, the fitness club, dating a guy, basically double her age? And you're gonna go, don't worry, someday, young lady, you're gonna reach millions of people on stages and inspire them to change your life. And then fast forward a little bit and you're with this dude, you mate in a strip club that you're working at and just, you know, you're not treating yourself, betraying yourself, to use your words earlier. And say, don't worry, young lady, someday you're gonna sell your company for over a billion dollars.

• 38:21Ed Mylett?

  I just hope all of you gain some hope from this and that if you have somebody in your life who's currently making a mistake or not living true to their integrity or their character, send them this interview. Have them go get the book. Have them go to worthybook.com/ed. Have them go there and hear this story, because it's one thing, Denny's waitress, to exiting for a billion dollars. How inspiring. She must be perfect. She just worked hard as a waitress. No, there's some mess in there. And your mess does not disqualify you. And I think the other reason it's so powerful, Rory said this first on the show and you and I talk about it a lot too, but you're most qualified to help the person or people you used to be. If you used to be so perfect, who are you here to help?

• 39:03Ed Mylett?

  But all of you just realize that this woman who's built this remarkable life, she's literally one of the most admired women currently living on earth. She is one of the most admired women, one of the most admired people on the planet right now. She's the person in my life outside of family that I admire the most, right? To think that at some point she was dating some dude, double her age, working in a gym, getting attention, letting him date other women, that she would see the other women he was dating. It wasn't like he was hiding it. Then she goes to work at a strip club and before that she was arrested at 14 years old. This is not

• 39:39Ed Mylett?

  perfect little Jamie that everybody thinks they know. This is someone who's a flawed human being, who's worked on her worthiness and has the pathway to do it in her life. One of the big things you've done, Bella, my daughter, wants to get into, I think, to my financial company. And I said this to her before I read your work, and that's why I was running in. I want to talk about this topic because when you already don't feel worthy and then you get rejected. Oh, wow, right? And you've dealt with so much rejection in your life. You've had, you've always had some body image issues in your life. And when Bella got, decided she wanted to do fun, she got her license and she said, Daddy, I'm gonna be great. I'm in sales, I can motivate. And I said, my biggest concern, Bella, is how will you deal with all of the rejection you're going to get?

• 40:25Ed Mylett?

  It's the killer in sales, not just life. In sales, if you can't deal with rejection, you're toast. In life, we frame rejection wrong. And you say in the book, I'm gonna let you word it your way. But if you can change your relationship with direction, you have these great sayings that people will remember. I'm gonna let you say them. But talk about that. You already don't feel worthy, most of us, right? Then rejection comes in. To me, that's like the shovel on the face of burying someone's dreams is rejection. Unless what?

• 40:55Jamie Kern Lima?

  So yeah, rejection. So I'm getting so emotional. So emotional. Rejection. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. In the book, in Worthy, I go into like 20 tactical tools you can apply to your life right now to build self-worth. And, and, and chapter two, that was almost, it's, it's so tactical. It was its own book. It was its own book, and I didn't want to wait two more years for it to come out. So it's literally now a chapter in Worthy called, "When you change your relationship with rejection, you change your entire life." And I go deep in a framework in it called the four Rs. And, and this is life-changing because as you know, everything in life is just the meaning we attach to it, right? It's the story we tell ourselves about. It's the meaning we attach to it.

• 41:38Jamie Kern Lima?

  It is possible, and I know because I've done it. As you mentioned, like, I went years. A lot of people see the success of it cosmetics, but the first three years, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of rejections. Everyone telling me that this wasn't gonna make it, saying no, they didn't want me in their stores. Like, we almost went bankrupt a number of times. We didn't pay ourselves for over three years. I mean, and most of us give up after one rejection or 20 rejections, right? I've done a lot of things wrong in building that business, but one of the things I did right was I learned how to change my relationship with rejection and become fearless over it. Really quick, do you want me to take everyone through this framework? Okay, because you could do this with Ed and I right now live. So let me just start with this question and I want you to answer it honestly, okay?

• 42:23Jamie Kern Lima?

  Honestly, when you, when I, when I say imagine yourself getting rejected or you failing at something, what is the first thought you have when you get rejected or you fail at something? And be really honest, sometimes we don't, we think it, we don't even realize we're thinking it. What's that first thought you have when you get rejected or you fail? For me, most of my life, it's like, yep, there's proof I'm not enough. Proof again, I'm not enough. What has it been for you, Ed?

• 42:48Ed Mylett?

  I want to hide.

• 42:49Jamie Kern Lima?

  I want to hide.

• 42:50Ed Mylett?

  Yep, I don't want to hide.

• 42:51Jamie Kern Lima?

  I want to hide.

• 42:52Ed Mylett?

  I want to hide.

• 42:52Jamie Kern Lima?

  You know, when I ask, you know, I've asked small groups this question and oh my gosh, the things people say just at home to know you're not alone, a lot of people are like, oh, yep, I'm stupid, I shouldn't have even tried, what was I even thinking? I'm a loser, I don't have what it takes, I'm unqualified, right? Whatever your first thought you just had is, that is the first R called reveal and it is your current definition of rejection. So whatever that first thought you had is, I want to hide, I'm stupid, I'm a loser, I'm not enough, that is your current definition of rejection, that is the meaning you assign to rejection. And now here's the thing, as human beings, we are wired to avoid pain at all costs, right? Like, it's why for some of us, we won't even go to the gym

• 43:35Jamie Kern Lima?

  because we know there's pleasure in the outcome and the health and the wellness, but I don't want the pain of working out. Like, we will avoid pain at all costs in different areas of our life. So if your definition right now at home that you just thought to yourself is painful, and for most of us it is, I'm not enough, I'm a loser, I'm stupid, I shouldn't have tried, I want to hide, if it is painful, you will stay stuck, you won't go for it, like, you'll talk yourself out of it because you want to avoid pain. So, so, so the second R is to redefine and reframe that definition. But here's the key. Because then, you know, you talk about, I think, scratching a CD.

• 44:16Jamie Kern Lima?

  Like, every time your old definition that you just thought of comes to your mind, you intercept it and you replace it with this new true definition. But it has to be true. This is the second R, which is redefined. It has to be true. So, a couple examples.

• 44:34Jamie Kern Lima?

  Rejection is God's protection.

• 44:36Ed Mylett?

  Love this.

• 44:37Jamie Kern Lima?

  Right? Rejection is God's protection. Now, I believe that is true. You have to believe your new definition is true. I believe that at my core, it's true. And then, over time, I can look back and go, yep, that was true. Rejection was God's protection.

• 44:51Ed Mylett?

  Give them the one example, if you don't mind, that I know about when you were really, really trying to sign, to get equity signed with this dude. And he basically tells you no, and the reason no is blah, blah, blah. And like, that was, that was a really traumatic moment in your life. But it was actually God protecting you at the same time. So, do you mind just showing them that? And then, we'll go to the other two Rs. But go ahead. This is, because they'll remember this the rest of their life.

• 45:14Jamie Kern Lima?

  And by the way, the dude not wanting to, to date me, you know, exclusively in the health club. You know? That's rejection, a form of rejection.

• 45:23Ed Mylett?

  Yes, sure is.

• 45:23Jamie Kern Lima?

  Which, thank God. I could have just doubted myself out of my whole future. Just gone with him, one-on-one, off into the sunset.

• 45:31Ed Mylett?

  What a great pointy.

• 45:32Jamie Kern Lima?

  Right? Rejection's God's protection. The dude that breaks your heart, like, all of it, right? The friend that betrays your trust, that doesn't invite you to the party, and you don't know why. Rejection is God's protection. So, the, the, the story you're sharing, oh, my gosh, we'd had years and years of rejections. And I finally got this big meeting with a potential investor, huge private equity company. We went to several, several meetings, got into the diligence phase where we hired lawyers. Like, I thought this deal was gonna happen. And Ed, I thought like, oh, my gosh, if he invests in us, then we're not gonna go bankrupt. Like, he's gonna be my knight in shining armor. And, and I was putting him on this pedestal, right? And I was like, and it got down to the final meeting. Paulo, who you know, my husband. Paulo, Paulo was there. We flew up for this, we were in person.

• 46:17Jamie Kern Lima?

  I just thought it was gonna change my life and it did, just in a different way. But it came down to the end of the meeting and this head investor was there, a very famous private equity company. His whole team was there, they were awesome. And at the end, he says to me, "You should be so proud, like this is a great product, congratulations, but it's a no, we're gonna pass on investing in it cosmetics." And I was just like, "Okay, can you tell me why?" Because feedback is usually a gift. And he got really quiet and he says to me, "Do you want me to be really honest with you?" And I was like, "Yes, please." And I remember like my heart beating in my ears, because I was like, "Why is he not sharing this with me?"

• 47:00Jamie Kern Lima?

  And I remember the moment his mouth started moving and he says, "I just don't think women will buy makeup from someone who looks like you with your body and your weight."

• 47:12Jamie Kern Lima?

  And two things, like in that moment, I never actually got angry at him, but I remember this lifetime of body doubt and self doubt, like, so it felt like I was staring my own fear straight in the eye. But when he said that, I remember this feeling like in my gut and I can feel it like it was yesterday that said, "He's wrong." Like I felt it in my gut, right? And two things. When I look back at that moment, like that feeling, that intuition, that knowing was so strong that said, "He's wrong", even though I couldn't prove it, like I was not selling much, we were barely in business, I'd been getting rejections for years. But when he said those words to me, like, "I just don't think women will buy makeup from someone who looks like you with your body and your weight",

• 47:55Jamie Kern Lima?

  and that feeling, like what I know and I can look back at that moment is that like this dude gave me a no, but God gave me a knowing, like that knowing, right? And so two things happened. I didn't hear from him again for six years. Now, I went out in my car and cried that day, but I didn't hear from him for six more years. And when those thoughts replayed in my mind, you know when someone says something hurtful to us? We can let it take root in our identity, we can let it think that we're not enough and we need to change who we are. And so I would imagine myself turning down the volume on that no and turning up the volume on my knowing, right, and trusting what I felt like God's word. Like, I hear God when I pray through my intuition, through that gut feeling. The other thing I did was

• 48:36Jamie Kern Lima?

  I redefine that rejection. Every time, I was tempted to think, oh, I'm rejected, I'm not enough, like all the things, like my old story. I'd intercept it, be like, nope, rejection's God's protection. I don't know how, I don't see it yet, but I'm gonna believe. Because I know in my soul, I believe this to be true, rejection's God's protection. Six years later, the day we sold to L'Oréal for 1.2 billion dollars cash, they were, they're a public company, and I didn't know till the night before they were gonna announce it publicly, the purchase price, everything. And it was on the homepage of the Wall Street Journal, it was everywhere. And that was the first time I heard from him in six years. And he said, congratulations on the L'Oréal deal, I was wrong. Yeah, you were wrong.

• 49:20Jamie Kern Lima?

  Do you remember, Ed, that moment in the movie Pretty Woman? Yes. Where like, she goes in the store and they won't help her? Yes. And then she goes back the day later, a couple of days later. So what I wanted to say to him in that moment was like, big mistake. Huge, huge. I could give you 1.2 billion reasons why. It was a huge mistake. But I didn't, I kept it classy, and I remembered two things. Because here's the deal. Had he invested and believed in me, I was so desperate at the time, we would have given him the majority of the company for like, no money. Because he didn't believe in me, like, the day we sold the business, we were the largest

• 50:01Jamie Kern Lima?

  shareholders. So it's like, rejection is God's protection. And, and, and, and there's so many other beautiful definitions. Like, one day I was getting, oh my gosh, it was like, in the middle of this massive season of rejections, and I started Googling everyone I admire in business, and in thought leadership, and in who's changed the world as a force for good. And I realized they've all gone through rejections. They're just the brave ones willing to keep going anyway. So good. So that was another definition I put in my toolbox is like, okay. You know, sometimes I was like, okay, I just got rejected, but you know what? This is a victory. It means I'm one of the brave ones willing to keep. I'm not sitting on the sidelines. I'm not, you know, in the, in the stands, watching everyone else on the field. Like I am one of the ones in the field, not living my life in regret.

• 50:44Jamie Kern Lima?

  And so this rejection is a freaking victory because it means I'm one of the brave ones willing to keep going for it, right? Another great definition could be I'm putting in the reps. I'm putting in the reps. I'm getting strong enough to carry the weight of my yes or my success when it happens. Right? We start stacking these new definitions. So that's the second R. The third R is my favorite, which I think it's the most powerful and it's called revisit. It's where we actually revisit old and past rejections and failures in our lives. Pay attention to what definition have I given those? And let me redefine those. Very good.

• 51:25Jamie Kern Lima?

  And one you and I have talked about a couple of times together that I think is just so powerful and for anyone listening who has had someone betray their trust, had the rug pulled out from under them, has someone who does not see their value or love them like they need to be loved. When I revisit rejections often, I will literally, here's how I define them most, my favorite way to define them. I will, I will literally imagine God saying to me, like, oh no, you weren't rejected. Like I hid your value from them because they're not assigned to your destiny. And I believe it. And to this day, Ed, even like, you know, I always share everything with you, but like, even if there's a friend that just doesn't, you know, show up for me, even though I always

• 52:10Jamie Kern Lima?

  show up for them or whatever it is, like instead of me feeling like, oh, something's wrong with me, which would be my old default definition. I'm like, okay, God's hiding my value from them because they're not assigned to my destiny. And I lean on that and then it doesn't take root in my spirit. It doesn't, you know, take root in my self-worth. I become more fearless in going after things and putting myself out there. The fourth R is revel. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Yes.

• 52:37Ed Mylett?

  So you know those pieces in your closet that you find yourself wearing like on repeat all the time? That sweater that kind of just goes with everything? Or these perfect pair of pants? Those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy and that's what Quince does best. Quince focuses on high quality wardrobe staples with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton. The styles are timeless, versatile, and designed to become the dependable pieces you reach for every day. It's what I'm wearing right now. They give you the softness and quality you'd expect from a luxury brand without the price tag. Quince also makes premium pants, fitted tees and polos, and breathable activewear. Quality basics designed to work with your wardrobe and hold up to everyday wear. I love their cotton tees. I'm wearing one now and I get a ton of compliments when I wear them on the podcast and when I speak. So find your next fall favorites at Quince.

• 53:22Ed Mylett?

  Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com/ed for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q U I N C E dot com slash ed. So you know, I've been trying to take my health and my morning routine to the next level and I used to do a whole bunch of different stuff, tons of different supplements. And then I found all in one in a drink with IM8. IM8 is the way to simplify your supplement routine, finally, once and for all. 16 supplements replaced 90 ingredients across nine major organ systems in one drink. You can have all these supplements for $2.61 a day. I've changed my mornings. The whole IM8 routine has changed my mornings.

• 54:06Ed Mylett?

  I feel great and I bring energy to the entire day. Go to im8health.com/ed10 right now or click the link in the description and use code ED10 for a free welcome kit, five free travel sachets, plus 10% off your order. That's code ED10 at im8health.com/ed10. Code ED10 at im8health.com/ed10. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

• 54:39Ed Mylett?

  We're not moving off that yet. Imagine what your life would be like if you adopted or adapted to that belief that she just shared with you. She says so many brilliant things, but we need to slow down on that. I want you to imagine if you really believe that when you were rejected, God was telling you, "I'm not revealing your value to them because they're not assigned to your destiny." Imagine how differently you would feel when someone's broken up with you, or doesn't ask you out, or doesn't buy from you, or doesn't join your company, or doesn't do anything that you would like them to do.

• 55:11Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 55:11Ed Mylett?

  That God is hiding your value from them, didn't reveal your value to them because they're not assigned to your destiny. And by the way, I can tell you at 52 years old, having had a little bit of success in my life, and you've had a bunch of success younger than I have, that is actually 100% true. You would not be, you're not adopting a belief system that's false there. It's 100% true, which is why podcasting and books are so profound, because you can learn from people that are further down the road from you and deduce these lessons. I don't know that there is a more powerful lesson somebody could learn than what you just said. Right there, a million, I could give you story after story of my own life where my value was just simply being hidden, not being revealed, because they weren't assigned to my destiny.

• 55:56Ed Mylett?

  Like, everyone should write that down, should remember. That makes me emotional. My voice cracks when I say it, because there may, there may literally be, because inside that belief system is there's a God, and that you're being guided. And my favorite chapter of the book's on faith, but we'll talk about that later. But also that that belief system, that he is always working in your favor, even in the moments where it feels most like he isn't with you. He was most with you in those moments. When you feel alone, you feel abandoned. So I love that. Fourth is?

• 56:24Jamie Kern Lima?

  Fourth is revel in the fact that you are now fearless about rejection and failure. And I'm telling you, I can sit here right now, and you ask me if self-worth is still a challenge, and I'm like, yeah, I'm a lifelong student. Every day I have to apply the tools in this book to believe I'm worthy of walking in the room, to believe I'm worthy of, you know, you being one of my best friends, to believe I'm worthy of all of it. I have to, so I'm a lifelong student. But what I will say I've mastered is I'm pretty freaking fearless when it comes to rejection, failure, bring it. Like, it does not faze me one bit. And I still deal with it every day. Like, all the time. We all do, in little ways, big ways, small ways. You just don't see people posting

• 57:09Jamie Kern Lima?

  about it on social. You know, everything looks great, but then behind the scenes, like, a lot of people struggling with self-worth, a lot of people not understanding how to become fearless about rejection, how to change their relationship with it. So, yeah.

• 57:22Ed Mylett?

  You know what you say in the book that helped me, and I think will help a lot of people right now, too, is she goes through these different lies in the book.

• 57:31Ed Mylett?

  And I'll tell you, I bought into, we'll go through two of them because I want them to get the book, but I want to go through two of the lies that affected me. And here's what mine was for a big majority of my life, and it's literally verbatim out of the book. Lie that we tell ourselves is, "I have nothing special to offer." And even like everyone's telling me, "You gotta write another book, you gotta write another book, you gotta write another book," right? And you are one of the many people going, "You gotta write this book," and I know what it is because we've talked about it. And I still, here I am revisiting that lie, "That's not that special. I don't have anything special to offer." I watch other people do a speech or a podcast or something, and I'm like, "No, that's good. I don't have anything special to offer." I really still believe that lie most often in my life, and I know people, at whatever level

• 58:16Ed Mylett?

  they are at in life, have bought into this. There's nothing special about me. And one of the reasons, one of the ways they prove that there's nothing special they have to offer is their past. They're like, "Up until now, I've not done anything special, so there's nothing special that I have to offer." And they use sort of their past as a reference point to dictate their future. Would you agree with that? And then what would you say to that lie? Because I think that's a biggie. I think most people listening to this that are driving right now are nodding, or riding on the treadmill, running on the treadmill, they're like, "Yeah, that's me. I don't think I have a whole lot special to offer."

• 58:48Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah. I think you're exactly right, that they think because they haven't felt it in the past, right? It's part of why I share so much about my past. I don't want anyone thinking that their past or where they come from determines where they're going. So, yeah, I go into the lies that lead to self-doubt, and how to unlearn those lies, and how to embrace and ignite the truths that wake up worthiness. And that lie about, "I've got nothing special to offer." It is, okay, first of all,

• 59:22Jamie Kern Lima?

  if you are one of the brave ones, right? Willing to actually show up as who you authentically are, just you being who you are is special. There is no one else like you in the entire universe, period. I could have launched a makeup business and gone, huh, okay, this has been done before, several hundred thousand times. I got nothing special to offer. We did not win because the products were so great, although I think they're great. We won because I was brave enough to launch this thing authentic to who I am,

• 59:59Jamie Kern Lima?

  which by definition, every single person driving their car, running on the treadmill, whatever you're doing right now in your life, if you are willing to be who you authentically are, you are by definition special, right then and there. If you are willing to launch your business as who you authentically are, you have something special to offer. There has never been another you before. There is never gonna be another you, right? The way God made you, not just unique fingerprints, unique tongue print, unique iris of your eyes. There's no one else that has your actual heartbeat rhythm, right? When you look at the science behind it, there's no one else that has had your life experiences. There's no one else that has your thoughts, your emotions, or sees art and beauty the way that you do.

• 1:00:44Jamie Kern Lima?

  If you are one of the brave ones, willing to do something authentically, it is indisputable that you have something special to offer. It's indisputable, right? And so many times, we crave love and belonging so much, and we think that we can get it by waking up in the morning, putting on our happy uniform and our mask, and showing up to the world as a people pleaser and who other people want us to be, right? Fifty percent of women identify as people pleaser. Forty percent of men identify as people pleaser. So much of what we do is what we think will make everyone else happy at the expense of our own authenticity. But every time, we think, I don't got anything special to offer, and we keep showing up trying to conform or fit in or meet other people's expectations at the expense of our own authenticity.

• 1:01:29Jamie Kern Lima?

  What we're doing every time we do that is we're telling ourselves, I am not worthy of being who I authentically am. And slowly but surely, it chips away at our self-worth. So, one of the things you can do in your life right now to unlearn the lie, I've got nothing special to offer. First of all, it is, again, indisputable when you show up authentically. You can't even dispute it, do you have something special to offer? And I don't care if you're launching a business that thousands of other people have done and you've been telling yourself the lie, oh, it's already been done before a million times, or, oh, you know, other people have something special to offer in their book or on stage, but I don't. Like, it's all a lie. It's all a lie, right? And, and, and step one today is literally just going, wait a minute.

• 1:02:14Jamie Kern Lima?

  Do you see you? Who, who, look, who am I? How do I feel? What do I want? What do I mean? Like, who am I? How do I feel? Who am I authentically? And actually show up that way.

• 1:02:29Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:30Jamie Kern Lima?

  And, and, and, and try it today in a conversation with someone.

• 1:02:34Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:02:35Jamie Kern Lima?

  Like, say what you really mean. Say how you really feel. When they say, how are you? It's like, oh, I'm good, how you? Uh-uh. Say how you really feel. Do you really see them? And do you really see yourself?

• 1:02:46Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:47Jamie Kern Lima?

  Right? And, and, and, you know, there's a whole chapter in the book called, You're Not Crazy, You're Just First. Because here's the thing. We tell ourselves this lie because we all crave love and belonging. We tell ourselves, I've just got to fit in and, and, and, and, and morph into who others expect me to be so I can get love and belonging.

• 1:03:07Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:08Jamie Kern Lima?

  And all we end up doing is feeling alone, more lonely than ever, and more disconnected than ever.

• 1:03:14Ed Mylett?

  What if you're, by the way, what if the fact that this belief that you have, that I have nothing special to offer, what if it could possibly be, by the way, and you are special because you're the only person with all those personalities and emotions and experiences, Jamie said, but here's a place to look. You want a little place to look to know what you have special to offer? In your insecurities, in your trauma, in mistakes you've made, in your past. I think oftentimes that that special thing you have to offer is hidden in pain.

• 1:03:40Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 1:03:40Ed Mylett?

  Is hidden in mistakes you've made, is hidden in rejection that you've experienced. You know what your special thing might be to offer? The fact that you believe you have nothing special to offer is special and you could help people. That, you know, Rory said, like we said before, that you're most qualified to help the person you used to be. I'm gonna say it again. The fact that you believe that about yourself, probably that special thing is hidden as some sort of pain or insecurity or trauma that you have. So you are special. Here's the other one, and you just said it. You just, like, it's almost like you're reading my mind of what I want to ask you about. I believe this lie, and I think it is more prominent with women, though. But I, I believe it. Lie in the book that she references. I should only be seen when I'm happy. And I think that's that mask thing. They should only see me on my A-game. You just said it.

• 1:04:25Ed Mylett?

  How are you doing today? I'm good. I should only be seen when I'm good. I want to make other people happy, so I have to project that I'm happy all of the time. And I think that puts a pressure on people. It immediately makes you believe you have to be fake or inauthentic.

• 1:04:37Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 1:04:37Ed Mylett?

  When you believe that, or you do what I just said earlier. I'll just hide.

• 1:04:41Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 1:04:42Ed Mylett?

  I'll just hide. And I think a lot of us introverts, I, I, like, if I can't be on and be happy, then I shouldn't be seen.

• 1:04:48Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 1:04:49Ed Mylett?

  And I think we all suffer from this. This, there's a depth to this book, I'm telling you, that if you let your heart and mind open. How do, how does this apply for me? Because even that lie, I'm like, I don't, and then I thought, no, that's a hundred percent me. I'm only seen when I'm on. I'm only seen when I'm happy. So tell us about that lie.

• 1:05:08Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah. And I remember the first time I ever saw you not on and not happy. And I just felt so freaking grateful that you trust, like, that I just felt such a depth of connection with you. And here's the thing. Seventy-five percent of men and women, you look at the studies, seventy-five percent of us will hide our true emotions. And just show up when we can deliver some kind of positive news, positive emotion, put on a happy face. We have this huge juxtaposition happening where we have tragedy and horrible things happening everywhere. And then like, we have signs everywhere saying, "Good vibes only," you know? And we feel like, okay, unless I'm positive and happy and all the things, which by the

• 1:05:51Jamie Kern Lima?

  way, I believe we can control a lot of the way we feel often, right? I believe we can do a lot to control our state and everything else. But, you know, Glennon Doyle said like, "Being human isn't about feeling happy, it's about feeling everything." And if we want the depth of connection with other people and ourself, we have to be willing to show up as we are. Otherwise, again, every time, you know, we think like, "Oh, I'm not gonna call my friend until I have something good to say. I don't want to bring them down with my problems." Or, "Oh," you know, all of these things. And what we do is, is we doubt ourselves out of, into disconnection from people, from ourselves, right?

• 1:06:35Jamie Kern Lima?

  And every time that we show up inauthentically, just trying to be positive, and that's not how we feel, right? And we're really trying to be someone other than who we are, we're telling ourselves we are unworthy as we are.

• 1:06:46Ed Mylett?

  No kidding.

• 1:06:47Jamie Kern Lima?

  And here's the thing, like, it is so important to be able to feel worthy of being sad, or of saying, "You know what? I feel insecure right now." Or, "You know what? I'm kinda bummed out today." Or, and to feel like someone else could hold space for that, like you're worthy of someone else holding space for that, right? Like, and that you deserve someone showing up for you in that way. It's really a fundamental self-worth issue.

• 1:07:14Ed Mylett?

  Can I say something to all the women listening? Can I give you some insight into your man and how it'll apply to him oftentimes? By the way, I'm not real big on, and neither are you, like, gender-specific advice. But I will tell you, if you have a man in your life who's struggling with this, he's, he more than likely has been raised to believe that if he shows fear, or sadness, or that he's down, or worried, or has anxiety, that he's being weak. And so he only shows up strong. Might not be happy, maybe it's strong. He only shows up. How's everything going? Everything's okay. And they keep things inside. And if you have a man in your life who does that regularly, like me, who's done it for years and years and years, you have a man who is stacking in his life, pain. It's gonna come out in other ways.

• 1:07:59Ed Mylett?

  And it's not until I've gotten older and I've had really good friends around me, like you, where there's been things that have happened in my life in the last year or two, as you know, where I'm like, no, I'm really hurting right now. And it's allowed me to be more me. And I am, I am, I'm a worthy person, even when I'm not perfect. I'm a worthy person, even when I'm down. I don't, I don't have to be strong all of the time. And I know this applies to women as well, being happy and being strong. But it does apply in your man's life, believe me. Men have a real problem. Real challenge being willing to say, I'm down right now. I'm down, I'm hurting right now. And so know that if you can create a space where they feel like they're accepted when they do it,

• 1:08:44Ed Mylett?

  and they don't feel weak for doing it, I think you'll have a stronger relationship with that man in your life, if you have one, for what it's worth.

• 1:08:50Jamie Kern Lima?

  And to add to that, it's so powerful what you just shared. When you look at the data that 73% of men feel inadequate. So many men are so good at hiding it. But here's the thing, when you create a safe space for a man in your life to share those things, what is so critical is that you do not let yourself go to the believing that same lie he did, which is somehow that's inadequate to feel those things. It is, there's so many, I'll just talk about some women in my life who wish their partner would open up more with this or that. But some of them, when their partner does, all of a sudden, they start telling themselves the lie that, you know what I mean? And so it's like, it's both.

• 1:09:34Ed Mylett?

  What do they tell themselves?

• 1:09:37Jamie Kern Lima?

  All of a sudden, they're not quite attracted. I wish he was stronger. Like those kind of things. It's a lie that everyone needs to unlearn.

• 1:09:45Ed Mylett?

  Very good.

• 1:09:46Jamie Kern Lima?

  Right? Because not only should everyone have the space to show up as they fully are, but the traditionally opposite gender roles need to be really aware of those lies. Because you can get someone back into hiding really fast.

• 1:10:01Ed Mylett?

  Oh, my gosh, that's so true. You know, you talk a lot in the book, I didn't know we were gonna go here, but I'm glad we are, about disconnection.

• 1:10:07Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 1:10:08Ed Mylett?

  It's a great story. I'll let you read the book, guys, about a fire at a hotel that she was in that really hit me. It's actually one of my favorite parts of the book. But this relationship we have with becoming disconnected. And one of the real ways in a loving relationship, in a marital one, or a boyfriend-girlfriend, or same-sex relationship, that you become disconnected is by not being willing to say, "I'm down, I'm hurting." It's a form of disconnection, because you're really lying to one another. You're disconnecting. Actually, what I'm feeling right now is some anxiety. I'm feeling some worry. I'm scared. I'm scared right now. And when you don't share vulnerably and authentically like that, you're creating a level of disconnection, because there's no real authentic emotions and feelings being shared with one another. And that's why a lot of relationships suffer.

• 1:10:50Ed Mylett?

  One of them's trying to stay really, really strong, the other one's trying to, you know, put on the happy face all the time, and no one's really sharing and showing up as they really are. And I think that's the symptom of the disease, that they don't feel worthy.

• 1:11:02Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yep.

• 1:11:02Ed Mylett?

  And that's why this work is so profound.

• 1:11:04Jamie Kern Lima?

  So profound. And what I'll say to that, too, I think the most just staggering and profound form of disconnection is us disassociating from ourselves. Where we don't even know how we feel. We're not even paying attention to who we really are, what we really feel. So then we're showing up in relationships, and it's not even that we're intentionally sometimes not sharing it. We're just disassociating from ourselves, right? And I won't share the whole fire story, but- In the middle of a life-threatening emergency, I just remember just normally I take on everyone's energy around me like kind of like as an empath and it was one of the times I remember literally being in such a mode where I disassociated from everything was in

• 1:11:48Jamie Kern Lima?

  full survival mode to get out of this hotel fire alive somehow. And I realized, oh, my gosh, in hindsight, everyone had handled the fire differently. Some people froze, some people panicked, others were screaming, running up and down the hallways. I just remember completely disassociating from everything, including my own body, and just being in full survival mode. And while that helped me in a fire and helped me find this like scaffolding to climb down the side of the building, it does not help me in life. Like for me, and maybe a lot of people can relate to this, like numbing or disassociating can come in so many forms. For some people, it's substances or whatever, shopping or, you know, gambling, it could be whatever, different addictions.

• 1:12:33Jamie Kern Lima?

  For me, it's always, almost always come in either food or work addiction and busyness.

• 1:12:39Ed Mylett?

  Me too.

• 1:12:43Speaker 01

  This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. Good times mean competitions between you and your friends, like seeing who can throw some pigskin the farthest or rush the field the fastest. Winner gets an ultra because it's not just a superior like beer, it's also giving fans superior access to their favorite sporting events. Superior is worth playing for. Visit michelobultra.com/superioraccess to enter. Enjoy responsibly. Copyright 2026 Anheuser-Busch InBev Michelob Ultra Beer, St. Louis, Missouri.

• 1:13:13Jamie Kern Lima?

  Work addiction and busyness for so many of us, we see it as a badge of honor. But often, it's just a form of numbing that disassociates and disconnects you from you. And when we are, when we are disconnected and disassociated from ourselves in that way, how do you think we're showing up in our relationships? Why do you think we feel so lonely? And Ed, I just want to share something with you because

• 1:13:44Ed Mylett?

  Wow, wow, wow, right there. Yeah, go ahead.

• 1:13:49Jamie Kern Lima?

  So many of us don't feel seen, we don't feel heard, we don't feel loved. But we don't realize that so often the root of that is we don't see or love ourselves. And I'll never forget, like in the book, I go in, there's a whole chapter on do you see you? And in that chapter, there's five self-worth shortcuts where I go into like literally tactical things you can do in your life right now. Some might seem silly, some might seem really profound, but things you could do in your life right now to actually connect with yourself. Because we live in a world where busyness is rewarded, where we're disassociated all the time, where we're people pleasing everyone else at the expense of our own soul, right?

• 1:14:33Jamie Kern Lima?

  Where we're just trying to strive to get what the world defines success as. We're showing it for everyone else and we don't even know. Like we're disconnected and disassociated from ourselves and we crave each one of us so deeply to be seen, like so deeply. And I just want to share that I remember your talk show. And I remember, and I watched every single episode of your season. And anyone listening who, who watches Ed's interviews, listens to Ed's interviews, or has seen the talk show, any of that, you see people.

• 1:15:16Jamie Kern Lima?

  And you see God in people. You see God's creation in people.

• 1:15:23Speaker 02

  I do.

• 1:15:23Jamie Kern Lima?

  And when I've watched people sit in front of you, whether it's in this interview chair, or in your talk show seat, and it could be someone that has committed tons of crimes, had massive amounts of failure in their lives, struggling to get by, got problems they don't know how to solve, or someone with tremendous success. You can see their, their armor come down from the way you see them.

• 1:15:55Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:15:56Jamie Kern Lima?

  And how you see God in them.

• 1:16:00Jamie Kern Lima?

  And what I wonder, and I know you know what I'm talking about.

• 1:16:03Speaker 02

  I know where you're going.

• 1:16:04Jamie Kern Lima?

  How you see them. But what I wonder is if you ever look at yourself in the mirror, Ed Mylett, into your own eyes, literally. When's the last time, I'm just gonna ask you this. When's the last time you looked in the mirror, anyone listening to you, into your own eyes

• 1:16:28Jamie Kern Lima?

  and saw God in you? And who God created, like the magnificence that is you, the worth that is you?

• 1:16:45Speaker 02

  Long time ago.

• 1:16:49Speaker 02

  Get me upset. Too long ago.

• 1:16:55Speaker 02

  Too long ago.

• 1:16:59Jamie Kern Lima?

  You, more than anyone I know, just sees the beauty and the worth in other people.

• 1:17:05Speaker 02

  Don't do that to me. Okay.

• 1:17:11Jamie Kern Lima?

  And when you shared earlier in the interview that-

• 1:17:13Speaker 02

  You're supposed to be crying on my show.

• 1:17:18Jamie Kern Lima?

  When you share, I cried earlier. When you shared that you still, right now, in this moment, struggle of feeling love, like you can love other people.

• 1:17:31Jamie Kern Lima?

  One of the tools in here, probably the simplest tool in the whole book, but not quite simple when you do it, is actually like looking in the mirror, in your own eyes. And everyone at home, like, listening to this, when is the last time you actually looked in the mirror, in your own eyes? And saw the miracle in motion that is you? Like, the beauty and the grace and the power.

• 1:18:00Jamie Kern Lima?

  That God made you, you. And if you can look in your own eyes, the way God breathed life into you when He created you, that's what you do for other people. That's why people are obsessed with your show. That's why I watch people just completely disarm and connect with you on your talk show. You can do that for other people. They feel that. And the most important thing is to be able to do that with yourself.

• 1:18:31Ed Mylett?

  You're right. You're right. Thank you for that. I thank you for that. That's a hard one for me. And it's one that I, I went past that part of the book really quick, honestly.

• 1:18:47Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:47Ed Mylett?

  I'll be honest with you, because I'm like, I don't know. But it is simple to do. And I do need to give myself the gift of doing that. Because I know how great I feel when I see, like I said to you earlier, and the Holy Spirit's flowing right now. Took us like 10 minutes, I could see it. And I would love to see more of that in myself, because I know that it's there. I just, a lot of what you just said the last 10 minutes, you know, I'm gonna cry, so I don't want to cry so anymore. But even just staying busy, just staying busy, producing, you know, is a form of disconnection. And I think that it does eventually show up and rob you of some kind of connection with the people around you that you love the most, if you're not connected with yourself.

• 1:19:29Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 1:19:30Ed Mylett?

  So I will do that for my children. I will do that for my family.

• 1:19:34Jamie Kern Lima?

  Can I add to this? I talk in the book about a book you're writing, that I cannot freaking wait for. I know it's gonna be a while before it's out, but you talk about, let me tell you about you. And something you've done with your daughter, your son, like, you're so good at telling other people about them.

• 1:19:54Ed Mylett?

  So are you, by the way. But thank you. I, you are too. You see that in me, because you're great at it.

• 1:20:00Jamie Kern Lima?

  I would love, if you want to know what I want for Christmas, or my birthday this year, both, I want Ed Mylett to look in the mirror.

• 1:20:07Ed Mylett?

  I'll do it for you.

• 1:20:08Jamie Kern Lima?

  And tell Ed about Ed.

• 1:20:09Ed Mylett?

  I'll do that for you. I really will. I promise you that I will do that. I'll probably do it tonight, because I'm getting emotional. So that means I'm supposed to do something. I will do that. I'll do it tonight. You don't have to wait till then.

• 1:20:22Ed Mylett?

  Thank you for that gift from me. Now that everybody's listening to our friendship conversation.

• 1:20:27Jamie Kern Lima?

  Well, I want to reiterate too, Ed, because you talk about busyness and everything else like this is not about curbing ambition at all. It is about like I hustle harder right now.

• 1:20:37Ed Mylett?

  Well, you sure do.

• 1:20:38Jamie Kern Lima?

  Than I have ever in my life.

• 1:20:39Ed Mylett?

  I can attest to that. She's hustling.

• 1:20:41Jamie Kern Lima?

  I work so hard. I freaking, I feel like I'm not even close to scratching the surface on my potential to impact the world. Like I'm fired up every day. The difference is now that I've learned how to build self-worth, like I'm actually enjoying it. Instead of constantly feeling like it's never enough and I'm never enough. And so I just want to reiterate that and, and, and also I'm disassociating into busyness less and I'm actually feeling it more. You know, so these aren't, these tools, like I, I, I believe this to my core. If you feel like you have so much more potential in your business and in your goals and ambitions and everything else

• 1:21:22Jamie Kern Lima?

  and you don't know why you're not crushing it. Like here's the thing, y'all. You want to double your business? Double your self-worth. Like you want to double your success? Double your self-worth. You want to double your net worth? Double your self-worth. Like it is the one thing that changes everything.

• 1:21:38Ed Mylett?

  And if you go get worthy, right here, guys, you go get this book. You've made huge strides towards doing that. That if you don't have this book, you're going to be behind on doing it. And so it's not only, you know, doing all these things in the mirror. It's getting this book because it's loaded with strategies. Go get worthy. Let me ask you one more question and I want to talk last, just we'll finish up with. This has been so good. Like every time you and I are together, we have amazing conversations, but I like when we record them for the benefit of other people. And this is the best of the three that we've done. And we've done two incredible interviews before, but this is the best. And, and easily the best. And so at the end, we'll we'll re-mention our our ability, people to get coached by us.

• 1:22:21Ed Mylett?

  There's a part of the book that stood out to me, and I knew a little bit of this story before because you had shared it with me prior, but I there's two things that stood out to me in the book that are subtle. One is in the very beginning of the book, you say, when was the first time, do you remember the first time in school where you knew the answer to a question, but you didn't raise your hand? And everybody probably listening to this had that moment in their life, and that's the beginning of your worthiness issues. And yeah, there was a lot of times I wanted to hide, like I said earlier. And the other one, and it may seem surprising to you out of the entire book, but is the cinnamon roll story with your mother-in-law.

• 1:22:59Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:00Ed Mylett?

  And I'd like you to tell that story because I think people remember stories and then the lesson from it. And in some metaphorical way,

• 1:23:09Ed Mylett?

  everybody can relate to this story in some way in their life. And I think it's another deeply personal story because it's from this person that everyone looks up to, everyone admires. Yet even at that stage of your life where you were in the in the midst of doing something great, this shows up. So everyone listen to this because it goes to picking on this wound of your body issues all of your life, which is amazing to me because you're such a beautiful woman. But you definitely have carried this with you. So share that story with them and the lesson from it.

• 1:23:41Jamie Kern Lima?

  You want to know what's wild? Ed is on the last episode you and I did about a year ago, we I we touched on body issues for two seconds, like very briefly, didn't even go deep. The number of men.

• 1:23:53Ed Mylett?

  Men.

• 1:23:54Jamie Kern Lima?

  That sent me messages about their own challenges with not wanting to take their shirt off, like all these different things. I was like, this is a real so so inworthy. There's two chapters. One is not about your weight at all, but it is called The Lie My Weight Determines My Worth.

• 1:24:12Ed Mylett?

  So good.

• 1:24:13Jamie Kern Lima?

  It's called Don't Wait on Your Weight.

• 1:24:15Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:24:16Jamie Kern Lima?

  And it's not about your weight. Your weight's irrelevant. It's about waiting on your weight to live your best life, to put on the swimsuit, to ask the person out on the date, to all of those things. Like, what is waiting on your weight already cost you in your life? For a lot of people, it's cost them going to the reunion, saying yes to the party, saying yes to the event, right? Eighty-nine percent of women opt out, girls and women. Eighty-nine percent of them opt out of meaningful interactions with friends, family, and loved ones when they don't like how they look. Like, it is a thing. So, we go deep into what has waiting on your weight already cost you? And how do you flip that script? Because I had to flip that script in my own life. I had, you know, built it cosmetics. We had over seven million women just in the US.

• 1:24:58Jamie Kern Lima?

  There were our customers that were, I mean, it was all about redefining beauty, empowering, right? I have rosacea, the skin condition, and I had, you know, just reveal it on national television. You know, I did over a thousand live QVC shows. What's wild is I've sold over a billion dollars in product just direct to camera. Not because the product was good, and it's really good. It's because I think people finally felt seen and they felt like connected, you know? And anyhow. Crazy. Even with all that, I was still. Crazy. I still didn't feel confident in a swimsuit, even with all that, right? I was still waiting on my weight. It wasn't until my daughter, Wonder, was born and the first time that we took her swimming, and I didn't, I thought, I'm just going to sit on the side, covered up.

• 1:25:43Jamie Kern Lima?

  And I was like, what has this already cost me in my life? And let me just make this not about me for a minute. Let me go shake my cellulite with pride and jiggle it with joy and like, show my daughter. Because if I'm hiding on the sidelines, I'm telling her she's not worthy in her own skin. You know? If I'm hiding on the sidelines, I'm telling other people they should too. I'm like, no, no, no, I can't make this about me. And that was the moment I decided to flip the script and realize what has this already cost me? But the story you're talking about is a different lie, a different chapter in the book called, "I Need to Please Them in Order to Love Me."

• 1:26:21Jamie Kern Lima?

  For everyone out there who is a people pleaser, and it is the majority of us. I kinda use this funny example of, and it wasn't only a couple of years ago this happened. We're all together at Christmas. I have, every year for Christmas I'll have, I'm adopted, so I have like five different families. Long story, right? And then I have a lot of friends without family and I just invite everyone for Christmas. Whoever wants to come and we do big tables of seized candy and like whole thing.

• 1:26:48Jamie Kern Lima?

  And so we're there and my mother-in-law, Paula's mom, is extremely healthy. Like everyday salmon, broccoli, like it's very disciplined, very, she's, I mean, and she works out. She's in great shape, like all this stuff. She's in her seventies and just so disciplined. Clean eater all the time. I cannot say that about myself, Ed. Me neither. We're sitting there and there's a, on the kitchen island, there's these hot gooey cinnamon rolls. Right next to them is a spread of berries. There's broccoli. There's like all the vegetables, right? And I'm, and, and my mother-in-law is always on top of my husband Paulo for it. He's like, you need to eat healthy. Don't put that.

• 1:27:32Jamie Kern Lima?

  You know, all the things, like his whole life. She's teaching him how to be healthy. Now, the difference between me and Paulo is Paulo does not care what anyone has to say about anything. That's for sure. Paulo. I can attest to that. You can, you can criticize him, you could judge him, you could do anything. He's either oblivious or if he's aware of it, he does not care at all. Yeah. It's been good for me actually to be around that.

• 1:27:55Jamie Kern Lima?

  For me though, I'm a people pleaser my whole life. I've worked very hard to learn how to undo that. Because when you people please for others, you are almost always betraying yourself. When you say yes, when you mean no. When you say no, when you mean yes. When you, you know, all the things. You're almost always betraying yourself. In this moment, I'm sitting there. This is big. With my mother-in-law.

• 1:28:23Jamie Kern Lima?

  Feeling like I want that cinnamon roll. But if I get that cinnamon roll, she is gonna judge me. She is gonna judge me. And I was just making eye contact with the cinnamon roll. It was like a forbidden love affair. Literally, I was like imagining telling the cinnamon roll like, listen, my mother in law is here, like, I know we have this love affair, but I've gotta go with the broccoli today. I don't even love the broccoli. I don't even feel it with the broccoli. But today I've gotta choose the broccoli and like cinnamon roll. I'd rather have love that almost never happened than have never loved at all. It was this whole dialogue in my head with the cinnamon roll.

• 1:29:02Ed Mylett?

  So good.

• 1:29:03Jamie Kern Lima?

  And I'm like, oh, struggling, right? Like, but in that moment, I wanted to be loved more than I wanted to be me. And I was like, I have to go with the broccoli. And the more I sat there on that day, thinking about my mother in law judging me. And this is what happens with people pleasing. We all have this happen in our life every single day. What I know for sure and what I realized is, okay, if I choose the broccoli, because I think she's gonna love me more. It's actually not gonna arrive at love at all. Right? It's gonna arrive at her approving of someone I am not. Right?

• 1:29:46Jamie Kern Lima?

  It's gonna arrive at an inauthentic relationship that has a barrier of disconnection, a wall between us. Because no matter how much approval she sends my way, I can't even receive it because I know it's not who I am authentically. Right? So people pleasing, even though we think it puts on the facade of making everyone happy, it just creates a barrier of disconnection between you and that person. It actually creates less love between you and that person. So I made the decision. You know what? I wanna have real connection and love with this person. And I, for that to happen, I have gotta show up as who I authentically am.

• 1:30:30Jamie Kern Lima?

  And so the moment I decided to reach across with a spatula, get this hot gooey cinnamon, which by the way, thirty minutes had gone by. It was not even hot anymore.

• 1:30:40Ed Mylett?

  It took that long.

• 1:30:40Jamie Kern Lima?

  It took that long, yeah. Just debating it, just contemplating it, wanting that freaking cinnamon roll, right? Like, like pretending I'm not thinking about it, all this stuff. I grabbed the cinnamon roll, put it on my plate. I watch her make eye contact with me. I watch her look at the cinnamon roll. And she says to me, "I just love being with the grandkids. Did you know Wonder's reading comprehension's so good? And Wilder's so..." She starts chatting away about the grandkids. And I realize, she doesn't give a crap if I'm eating a cinnamon roll.

• 1:31:11Ed Mylett?

  That's right.

• 1:31:11Jamie Kern Lima?

  She could care less. What I was doing was projecting my own insecurities onto her.

• 1:31:18Ed Mylett?

  That's huge.

• 1:31:18Jamie Kern Lima?

  The whole time.

• 1:31:19Ed Mylett?

  It's huge.

• 1:31:20Jamie Kern Lima?

  And I just wondered how many other times. Right? Had I, have I, have I been tempted or have shown up to please someone else when they're not even thinking about it?

• 1:31:30Ed Mylett?

  That's right.

• 1:31:31Jamie Kern Lima?

  And it's at the expense of that connection, right? And so, yeah.

• 1:31:35Ed Mylett?

  It's a huge, guys, it's a huge lesson. By the way, the lesson there is not eat cinnamon rolls and not broccoli. That's not what Jamie's saying. Which, you know exactly what she's saying. What she's saying here is that we'll wear these masks, we'll show up in certain ways, project a version of ourselves that we think will be accepted,

• 1:31:51Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 1:31:51Ed Mylett?

  rather than the one that we truly are.

• 1:31:53Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 1:31:53Ed Mylett?

  And then you have no deep, meaningful connections in your life. You can't go deep with friends that way.

• 1:31:58Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:58Ed Mylett?

  And I don't even think you can build great businesses or great anything or great culture if you're not truly showing up. One of the most powerful things I ever did in my business career was I would literally tell people when I would hire them, "I don't know whether we're gonna make it or not, but we're gonna do everything we can and if we do make it, it's gonna be absolutely incredible." Rather than projecting no fear. So these things of showing up authentically matter. This has been one of the most transformative conversations we've ever had on the show. I certainly have ever had in my life, for me. I don't think any, only one other guest has ever got me to cry on the show, which was Granger Smith recently. And I actually sent that to you going, you need to see this. Now I have another clip I have to send to people going, you have to see this. But let me ask you this last, and by the way, everybody, make sure if you want to get coached

• 1:32:38Ed Mylett?

  by Jamie and I, and you want to get the book, you go to worthybook.com/ed right now. Get the book, get some extra books. All you have to do is get one to qualify to be coached. But there's all kinds of additional incentives and things like that on there for you to even do more and give these out as gifts as well.

• 1:32:55Jamie Kern Lima?

  And I'm excited, like live coaching call with you.

• 1:32:58Ed Mylett?

  I don't even know what that would normally cost, but I mean, you get to, you guys get there with me, but you're sitting there with a person who's exited her company for over a billion dollars.

• 1:33:04Jamie Kern Lima?

  And you get it, you're guaranteed just when you preorder the book. And by the way, I haven't even shared this, I'm donating a hundred percent of the proceeds, a hundred percent of the proceeds. Like this is for me, and I sell nothing on my site.

• 1:33:15Ed Mylett?

  Right. There's no upsells here. This is a labor of love and belief.

• 1:33:18Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yeah. This is like, I feel like my life's greatest work, my life's mission. And you were sharing earlier, like, you know, your best position is to serve the person you once were. Roy Vaden quote, for everyone listening, like, one of the things I wanted to add to that is why I share so much of my past failure, pain, mistakes, regrettable incidents, embarrassing moments in here for the first time ever is I just, what you said is so often, like, the things we go through, we think they were just failures or hard times, or, or misfortunes, or pain in our life, but they're actually one of the greatest keys to us discovering our purpose. Right? Because the things we are going through become

• 1:34:01Jamie Kern Lima?

  the things we made it through. And once we've made it through those things, we, we now have the power to help someone else make it through. And so many people think, oh, I gotta find my purpose in my job, or my purpose, or, and I don't know what my purpose is. And you hit it on the head. Look at the things that have been sources of pain that you wouldn't wish to ever happen to yourself again, or anyone else, but you made it through those things. It's why I share some of them in the book. It's like, you made it through them, and then look, you can find your deepest Sense of purpose in this life when you help other people make it through. And the things we make it through manifest in so many different ways. Like when I'm, you know, doing over a thousand live shows on QVC.

• 1:34:47Jamie Kern Lima?

  The reason the numbers were so good wasn't the product is that I I see and understand people and I care. And I learned how to do that by working at the strip club and at Denny's and at all these places where I see and value and understand what people have gone through, what their pain is, what they're trying to overcome, how they're just trying to make it by. How they're trying to feel love and belonging in this world. Like all of those steps are ordered, right? So the things that you've gone through that maybe you're thinking or labeling as pain or regret or things that are past failures that you wish never happened. Like they can be your greatest source of purpose in this life, right? Your greatest source of contribution.

• 1:35:31Jamie Kern Lima?

  It's like, it's like the greatest gift because a lot of people try to find purpose in the wrong things and wonder why they're never feeling that they have it.

• 1:35:40Ed Mylett?

  You, uh, last night I was thinking how I was gonna introduce you in the beginning. And I was gonna say originally, you know, she doesn't need to do this. Because on the surface you don't, like she's got all the money that she'll ever have or grandkids will ever need. She's already had notoriety and fame. She has great friends. Her heroes like Oprah Winfrey are now people that believe deeply in her and she's done collaborative work with. Like she doesn't need to do this. But the more that I'm watching you today and I've been listening to you is you did need to do this. And that your entire life's been preparing you for this moment right now. And there's nothing more rewarding for me than to see a friend step into authentically who they are.

• 1:36:22Ed Mylett?

  And that every single moment since you were a little girl and you were adopted to you bringing Mike his beer. And you guys will hear about that in the book, your stepdad. And I, I don't know why, but that just stuck with me of you bringing your stepdad a beer to please him in the morning. Cause he wanted it and that's one way you could get acknowledgement. All the way through your life, getting arrested at 14 and running with the wrong crowd then, then at the gym, then at the strip club. The Denny's in between, all of the rejection, all of your life, meeting Paulo, starting at cosmetics, doing all of the things that you've done. Arrives to this moment right now, and this is the most important work you've ever done in your life, and so you did need to do this. And I'm very, very proud of you, and I love you very much.

• 1:37:05Ed Mylett?

  And if you'd like to spend some time with her and I, please go to worthybook.com/Ed and make sure you guys pick up this incredible piece of work. That's a lifetime of preparation in this book. And I love you, and I'm very proud of you. Thank you for today. I love you. I love you. Thank you. God bless you, everybody. I don't need to ask you, but I know you will. Share today's episode. Take care.

• 1:37:29Ed Mylett?

  This is the Ed Miliband Show.