164 10 Steps to Ending a Toxic Relationship with Chris Lee

"Are you more committed to your comfort zone or joy?" - Chris Lee If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes and more at www.lewishowes.com/164. Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 164 with Chris Lee.

• 0:07Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:33Lewis Howes?

  Welcome everyone to today's episode with the one, the only Mr. Chris Lee, who's back again to talk about how to let go and end toxic relationships. Exactly 10 steps that we talk about on how to end relationships that are not serving you, that are toxic. You know, those ones that just nag you, that make you feel uncertain or unsafe or frustrated with or resentful. The ones that never seem to end, but you know need to end, whether it be business or intimate relationships, or sometimes even family. That's right. So how does someone let go of these relationships? How does they even start the process? So we talk about those 10 steps. I think you're going to love this one. Make sure to get out a pen and paper.

• 1:18Lewis Howes?

  Take down some notes. You may be listening to this multiple times because this is a touchy subject. This is hard to do. You know, relationships can be messy. They can be a lot of baggage. They can be a lot of history. And sometimes it can be really challenging to let go of them or to readjust them. So we talk about how to do all of those things today on this episode. Very excited about this. Without further ado, let's go ahead and dive into this one. I'm super pumped. I love having Chris Lee come back on. He's one of my favorite people. So let me introduce you again. For those that do not know, welcome to the one and only Chris Lee.

• 1:59Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness Podcast. We have the one, the only, the living legend himself, Chris Lee on the show. In the studio, Chris, what is up, brother?

• 2:11Chris Lee?

  What's up?

• 2:13Lewis Howes?

  Super pumped. This is actually episode number five for you.

• 2:16Chris Lee?

  Is it really?

• 2:17Lewis Howes?

  Episode number five. You're the only one who's been on here five times. We've had a couple, we've had a couple, uh, people who've been on twice, a couple of people have been on three times, but you're the only one, I think, who's been on four and five times. So.

• 2:29Chris Lee?

  Well, I have a record. I'm excited.

• 2:31Lewis Howes?

  You have a record, but everyone keeps asking for you to come back. When is Chris Lee coming back? We love him. We want more of him. He's the best.

• 2:38Chris Lee?

  I love that.

• 2:38Lewis Howes?

  Not that we're comparing.

• 2:40Chris Lee?

  No, no, of course. But I love that. I love that, that whatever people are picking up the message and that it's landing for people. And to me, that's important because that's what I do.

• 2:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And I would love, back at the, the show notes of this, I love you, you guys. We'll have all the other previous episodes linked up with Chris Lee, but I'd love for you in the comments section there to tell me which one, which episode of these five has been the most impactful for you. So if this is your first one, uh, you can talk about this one, but if you've listened to all five of them, which one has been the biggest impact in your life, leave that in the comment section below. That'll be your homework after today's episode. But today's episode is about the 10 steps to end a toxic relationship.

• 3:21Chris Lee?

  I love this topic.

• 3:23Lewis Howes?

  It's powerful.

• 3:24Chris Lee?

  I travel the world and one of the biggest issues that I hear in my seminars are people that are in toxic relationships and not knowing how to either identify it or transform it or get out of it.

• 3:37Lewis Howes?

  Right. And people stay in them so long. I've had so many friends. I mean, I've been in toxic relationships for a long time. You've, you've witnessed me in a toxic relationship.

• 3:44Chris Lee?

  Yes, I have.

• 3:45Lewis Howes?

  And, um, you know, we all have those friends where we're like, if they just ended the relationship, it's been like they string it on for two or three or four years, or some people, you know, decades, it seems like, you know, parents sometimes are in toxic relationships and they feel stuck and they can't get out of it. Um, it could also be a business relationship.

• 4:04Chris Lee?

  Yeah, toxic partnerships, toxic friends.

• 4:08Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 4:09Chris Lee?

  Toxic family members. And what, the, the thing about a toxic person is that they're like vampires.

• 4:16Lewis Howes?

  What do you mean by that?

• 4:17Chris Lee?

  They drain your energy. They drain your joy. They're people that when you're with them, you feel stressed and when you leave them, you're exhausted. Can anybody relate to people like that?

• 4:31Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 4:31Chris Lee?

  Can anybody relate to that? I mean, I think we all can. And that's why this, this podcast is so important for all of you that are going through and have experienced or experiencing being in a toxic relationship. And what, what makes it double toxic or more toxic is that we have a hard time saying goodbye to them.

• 4:51Lewis Howes?

  Why is it so hard to say goodbye, even when we know it's not the right fit for us?

• 4:56Chris Lee?

  A couple of reasons. Number one, it's habit. You know how we fall into habits or our lifestyle?

• 5:03Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 5:03Chris Lee?

  Well, we also fall into habits in terms of our relationships. They become part of our comfort zone. And so these people that are part of our comfort zone become part of our daily reality and our daily routine. And sometimes it's just very difficult to break away from that. And other times, I don't really identify it. I don't realize it because it's so ingrained in me and it's so part of my daily life that I don't realize that the person's toxic.

• 5:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And a lot of times, you know, I will feel in the past, I felt like sometimes being in a relationship where there's stressful situations or something constantly comes up where it seems stressful over and over, it leaves like this residual stress for me too. Even when it's resolved or like the person's apologized or it's, we've moved on, it's like, you just like, I've, I feel like I've held on to it for a while still because I know it's toxic in the back of my head or I know it's still not going to go where I need it to go in the future. And it's like there's residual frustration.

• 6:06Chris Lee?

  And also another thing that, that keeps us in toxic relationships is fear.

• 6:11Lewis Howes?

  Fear of being alone or fear of not finding someone like that again.

• 6:14Chris Lee?

  Especially in an intimate relationship. I think that's where we stay stuck the most.

• 6:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 6:19Chris Lee?

  Because we, the stories we tell ourselves, which are our limiting beliefs and our limited self-talk, is that I'm better off with than without. Without, I'll be miserable. Not everyone's perfect. We make excuses. And so.

• 6:40Lewis Howes?

  They're not that bad.

• 6:41Chris Lee?

  Yeah, so it's not that bad. It could be worse. I have to be in a relationship with them because they're my family or I've known them for 25 years. They've been in my life forever.

• 6:52Lewis Howes?

  I have a child with this person.

• 6:54Chris Lee?

  I depend on them financially.

• 6:57Lewis Howes?

  That's tough.

• 6:58Chris Lee?

  Very tough. But it gets to a point where we need to make a decision. Are we more committed to our comfort zone than our joy? Are we ready to be committed to our joy and our happiness and our freedom than our comfort zone?

• 7:13Lewis Howes?

  I love it. So you got, you know, this is, this is definitely a challenging thing to do.

• 7:19Chris Lee?

  It's a choice point for you.

• 7:20Lewis Howes?

  It's very challenging. You know, um, this is not something easy. There's not something that people do like, oh, this is like getting a cup of coffee. This is a challenging decision to make. Because there's a lot of emotions involved on both sides, whether it be intimate, specifically intimate, but business relationships, friends.

• 7:38Chris Lee?

  Friends. Have you had a toxic friend that you had a hard time letting go of?

• 7:41Lewis Howes?

  Of course. Yeah.

• 7:42Chris Lee?

  Someone who's been in your life forever, someone who either always borrows money from you, doesn't pay you back, doesn't keep their word to you, isn't honest with you. You're making up excuses for them. You're bailing them out of a million situations. Have you had that friend?

• 7:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, of course. Or they just don't add any value to your life.

• 7:59Chris Lee?

  Or don't add value to your life.

• 8:01Lewis Howes?

  And they just take.

• 8:02Chris Lee?

  Yeah. So sometimes it's, we don't realize it because, you know, we, we fall on this autopilot with them in this comfort zone.

• 8:10Lewis Howes?

  Because we grew up with them or we're family friends and we feel like we have to be with, you know, friends with them or something.

• 8:15Chris Lee?

  And, and, and we have excuses that we hide behind. And at the end of the day. Those people end up really creating baggage and drama, unnecessary drama, and really stress.

• 8:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 8:34Chris Lee?

  You know, the bottom line, I think, is stress. And the thing with stress is if you don't manage stress, stress will end up managing you.

• 8:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 8:43Chris Lee?

  And stress will end up destroying everything.

• 8:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 8:46Chris Lee?

  And life is stressful enough as it is.

• 8:49Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 8:50Chris Lee?

  You don't need to add more stress to your life by having a toxic vampire next to you.

• 8:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And there's a quote, I forget who it's by, someone said, someone wise and rich or something like that said, show me your friends, I'll show you your future.

• 9:05Chris Lee?

  Yeah, I've heard that as well.

• 9:07Lewis Howes?

  And it's, you know, it's kind of goes along the lines of your friends, like, if you're hanging out with toxic, dramatic people, you're probably going to have a toxic, dramatic business friendships future. If you're hanging out with people that empower your greatness, you're probably going to achieve greatness in the future.

• 9:22Chris Lee?

  And how many times have we said that on this podcast, or you've said that on this podcast, or your guests have said that on this podcast, that one of the keys to anything is to surround yourself with positive people?

• 9:32Lewis Howes?

  Exactly it, yeah. And if specifically, if this is someone you're spending a lot of time with, whether it be an intimate relationship, or a business partnership, or a friend you're spending with daily or weekly.

• 9:42Chris Lee?

  Investing energy, investing time that you could be investing in what?

• 9:49Lewis Howes?

  Something else, your business, or another relationship, or

• 9:52Chris Lee?

  Your dreams.

• 9:53Lewis Howes?

  Your fitness.

• 9:53Chris Lee?

  Making a difference in people's lives, your relationship, your career. And so it's about cutting that wasted energy, it's about interrupting that place where we drain our energy and we live in stress to create a joyful, stress-free environment.

• 10:12Lewis Howes?

  Yes, and hopefully everyone here can relate in some way. You've probably experienced some type of relationship that's been toxic in your life. If you can, just nod while you're listening, wherever you are.

• 10:22Chris Lee?

  And it could even be your mom, you know? It could be your mom, your dad, your brother, your sister. And then when it's family members, you're like, well, that's my mom. But you need to take responsibility for your life. This doesn't mean always that you need to eliminate them from your life.

• 10:36Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 10:37Chris Lee?

  But you need to learn how to break free and break out. In some cases, it's eliminate them.

• 10:43Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 10:44Chris Lee?

  In other cases, is knowing how to manage it.

• 10:47Lewis Howes?

  Or how to communicate with them and and come from a place of responsibility. Wouldn't you say that?

• 10:52Chris Lee?

  And transform it. Sure.

• 10:53Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 10:53Chris Lee?

  But but when you can't transform it, you need to break from it.

• 10:56Lewis Howes?

  Gotcha. Okay.

• 10:57Chris Lee?

  You need to break away from it.

• 10:58Lewis Howes?

  So you've got 10 steps for how to end a toxic relationship and slash manage slash shift out of a toxic.

• 11:06Chris Lee?

  And or transform.

• 11:07Lewis Howes?

  Or transform it.

• 11:08Chris Lee?

  Because there's that that there is that option.

• 11:10Lewis Howes?

  Gotcha. Yeah.

• 11:10Chris Lee?

  There is that option. And I think that if you really, if it gets to a point where there's no possibility of transforming it, you gotta end it.

• 11:18Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 11:19Chris Lee?

  So the first step is to identify if you're in a toxic relationship. So you need to, you need to be able to identify it.

• 11:26Lewis Howes?

  How do you identify that if it's not 100% clear? If you're not like feeling sick every time you talk to this person?

• 11:31Chris Lee?

  Well, here, here's some of the, the factors or symptoms. Number one is you're feeling less than yourself with them.

• 11:38Lewis Howes?

  You're feeling less than yourself?

• 11:39Chris Lee?

  Yeah. So you feel like you gotta be someone you're not. So you feel like you're being the inauthentic you and you're agreeing with things that you don't agree with. You're going along with things that you don't want to go along with. You're letting yourself be controlled by the other person. Another factor that will have you identify and you'll be able to measure to see if you're in a toxic relationship is that you find yourself draining your life's energy when you're around them. You feel drained. You feel exhausted. And we talked about that earlier, but it's important that we highlight that. You know energetically if someone is adding or subtracting from you. So this person is draining you and you feel less.

• 12:23Lewis Howes?

  Right. Okay. So that's, is that all in identifying it or the other way?

• 12:27Chris Lee?

  It's all identifying it.

• 12:28Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 12:29Chris Lee?

  Uh, another way of identifying it is that you find yourself giving your power over to them. You feel weak around them. Okay. Another thing.

• 12:36Lewis Howes?

  Don't feel worthy.

• 12:37Chris Lee?

  You don't feel worthy. Another factor is that you ignore your intuition when you're with them. In other words, you don't trust yourself. Also, these people make you feel like you can't do anything right. Everything is about them. It's all me and I. So every conversation ends up in me and I.

• 12:57Lewis Howes?

  Sure. As opposed to we and creating a win-win.

• 13:00Chris Lee?

  Exactly. And another thing, or the final thing I would say is not, you don't feel like you're allowed to grow around them. Like when you're growing and you're accomplishing things, they start attacking you and judging you.

• 13:15Lewis Howes?

  Man, I felt that. I've felt that before in a relationship where every time I achieved something that like a success or an achievement or got to another level in my business or had something to share, a former relationship of mine, she would get mad at me and frustrated and kind of like get sad or, and she would bring it back to what she's not doing.

• 13:35Chris Lee?

  Right.

• 13:35Lewis Howes?

  And she would like get mad at me for something to try to bring me down to feel like a third level or something.

• 13:39Chris Lee?

  Right.

• 13:40Lewis Howes?

  And it was the worst feeling ever. It was just like, can't you be happy for me for once?

• 13:45Chris Lee?

  Well, what happens is that these people are so empty and they're so insecure that when they see other people accomplishing things and other people growing and other people actually joyful, it upsets them.

• 13:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 13:59Chris Lee?

  It's like those people that can't stand to see people happy.

• 14:03Chris Lee?

  And so this person who's in your life is toxic because instead of celebrating your success, they're actually complaining about it.

• 14:11Lewis Howes?

  So that's stage one is identifying.

• 14:14Chris Lee?

  That's the first step in terms of ending or transform and transforming a toxic relationship is to identify it.

• 14:21Lewis Howes?

  Identify it. Okay. And what if there's a lot of gray area? What if it's like, well, sometimes I feel like they bring me down like once every couple of months. I feel like they'll attack me, but then they apologize and then they're always supportive the rest of the time. You know, what if there's like this gray area or?

• 14:39Chris Lee?

  What a great question because that leads to the second step.

• 14:42Lewis Howes?

  Awesome. What is that?

• 14:43Chris Lee?

  Keep a record.

• 14:45Lewis Howes?

  Oh, wow. Like a mental record or like write it down?

• 14:47Chris Lee?

  Take notes.

• 14:48Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 14:48Chris Lee?

  Take notes. You're in the relationship and take notes.

• 14:51Lewis Howes?

  Really interesting because I almost started doing this in my last relationship because I wanted to like, remind her of like, you know, four times last week, you attacked me for these reasons.

• 15:02Chris Lee?

  Yeah. Keep a record. It's important that you keep a record of all the times that you have felt less than joyful around this person.

• 15:11Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 15:12Chris Lee?

  And if you start identifying and seeing that the pages are filling rapidly.

• 15:19Chris Lee?

  It lets you know, because sometimes we forget. And sometimes we're so involved in our lives that we don't realize, you know what? That's the fifth time this person has made me feel this way. That's the fifth time this person has broken their word to me. Or has accused me of something, or has attacked me. And so by keeping a journal and keeping a record of this, you have it right in front of you.

• 15:43Lewis Howes?

  Now, should you also keep a record of all the things they do well, of them like empowering you or acknowledging you? Or is it more?

• 15:51Chris Lee?

  Well, we're talking about toxic relationships.

• 15:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 15:54Chris Lee?

  We're talking about, you know, the people that are in your life that are draining you.

• 15:58Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 15:59Chris Lee?

  And that you suspect that they are.

• 16:00Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 16:01Chris Lee?

  So.

• 16:02Lewis Howes?

  If they're nine times out of 10, when you accomplish something, or if they're attacking you nine times, and then they're once saying, oh, nice job. Then you want to have that ratio flipped.

• 16:10Chris Lee?

  Right.

• 16:10Lewis Howes?

  You know?

• 16:11Chris Lee?

  Of course, of course. But yeah, that's a good idea too, in your relationships, you know? It's really not about keeping score, it's about being aware.

• 16:18Lewis Howes?

  Gotcha. Okay.

• 16:19Chris Lee?

  You know, so that's the whole point of keeping a record. And you would keep a record with people that you, you know what? I feel drained around so and so.

• 16:27Lewis Howes?

  So then you should keep a record then?

• 16:29Chris Lee?

  Yeah.

• 16:29Lewis Howes?

  You start tracking like.

• 16:30Chris Lee?

  I'm not talking about all your relationships, there you are monitoring their every move. I'm talking about people that in general have you feel that they are taking more than they're giving. They're taking more than they're giving.

• 16:43Lewis Howes?

  Okay, cool.

• 16:44Chris Lee?

  So this is something that I recommend.

• 16:46Lewis Howes?

  Keep a record, I like that.

• 16:47Chris Lee?

  You like that?

• 16:48Lewis Howes?

  I like that a lot, because I thought about doing that before, but then I was like, is this lame? Or is this, would this be weird? But I actually think it's valuable for you personally to identify it, so you can look back at it and be like, here's all the things that happened over and over again in the last couple of weeks. This isn't serving me.

• 17:04Chris Lee?

  Not at all. And this is taking too much of my energy and my time away.

• 17:09Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 17:10Chris Lee?

  There's no point of being in this relationship. There's no benefit.

• 17:13Lewis Howes?

  Exactly, yeah. And then from that point, I think you can have a conversation with them and say, listen, you know, I haven't been feeling comfortable, and maybe you could coach me on this, but maybe say, I haven't been feeling comfortable over the last months or the last couple of weeks about the way you've been.

• 17:27Chris Lee?

  The way you talk to me.

• 17:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, the way.

• 17:29Chris Lee?

  The way.

• 17:29Lewis Howes?

  The way I feel around you.

• 17:30Chris Lee?

  The way I feel around you.

• 17:32Lewis Howes?

  And here are the things that have happened over the last couple of weeks. I want to create, uh, you know, I wanted to bring this to the table because I really want us to transform this.

• 17:40Chris Lee?

  Absolutely.

• 17:41Lewis Howes?

  And move this in a different place where we're supporting each other and loving each other, not judging each other. And then ask a request if they're committed to that, right?

• 17:49Chris Lee?

  Exactly. And, and that would be a way to transform the relationship if you see that there's possibilities in the relationship.

• 17:55Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 17:56Chris Lee?

  And so, you know, you know, communicating is very important.

• 18:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 18:00Chris Lee?

  And we'll get to that. But I think it's important for you, before you even get to that point of making a request, is for you to see, am I in a toxic relationship?

• 18:09Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 18:10Chris Lee?

  Because the first two steps really is about identifying.

• 18:13Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 18:14Chris Lee?

  And so you're identifying what are the prices that I'm paying for being in this relationship?

• 18:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 18:22Chris Lee?

  You know, what are those prices? And one of the ways to identify the prices is by writing them down.

• 18:27Lewis Howes?

  Gotcha.

• 18:28Chris Lee?

  And writing down the times that you feel that you're less than joyful around them.

• 18:31Lewis Howes?

  And maybe should you also write down what it makes you feel each time?

• 18:34Chris Lee?

  Absolutely.

• 18:35Lewis Howes?

  That come up for me.

• 18:35Chris Lee?

  Yeah, the feelings, uh, here's what happened, here's how I felt.

• 18:39Lewis Howes?

  Feeling manipulated or controlled or.

• 18:41Chris Lee?

  Yeah.

• 18:41Lewis Howes?

  Less than.

• 18:42Chris Lee?

  You interrupted me in front of my friends and I felt dismissed.

• 18:46Lewis Howes?

  Gotcha.

• 18:47Chris Lee?

  And I felt unworthy. You promised that you would do something, you didn't do it. I felt that I wasn't good enough for you or that I didn't matter to you.

• 18:56Lewis Howes?

  Right, right, right.

• 18:57Chris Lee?

  You know, so it's important to do that.

• 18:59Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 18:59Chris Lee?

  And I coach so many relationships and one of the key things that people fight over is that those specific things.

• 19:09Lewis Howes?

  Gotcha.

• 19:09Chris Lee?

  They feel that they're in a toxic relationship and they don't know how to communicate about it.

• 19:13Lewis Howes?

  Okay, so that's first two. Now the third one is?

• 19:16Chris Lee?

  The third one is to identify the rewards of being in a toxic relationship.

• 19:24Chris Lee?

  And you might be thinking, what are you talking about? What do you mean the rewards? Well, yes, there are payoffs. There are payoffs for being in a toxic relationship. There's a reward. And really, there's a reward for all of your barriers. There's a reward. If there wasn't a reward, you wouldn't be doing it.

• 19:44Lewis Howes?

  So what are some examples of this?

• 19:46Chris Lee?

  So I feel like I'm powerful because I'm taking care of this person. Or I feel at least I'm getting loved, or at least I have company, or I'm not alone. Or he's paying the rent, he's paying my lifestyle. How do I give that up? You know, there's a lot of rewards. There's a lot of goodies. Even in that friend that's toxic, you know, he's helpless around me and I feel powerful. And that I can.

• 20:19Lewis Howes?

  They need me around them.

• 20:20Chris Lee?

  They need me around them. So there's definitely payoffs. Whether it's sex, you know, hey, at least the sex is good.

• 20:27Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 20:28Chris Lee?

  You know.

• 20:28Lewis Howes?

  Even though everything else is miserable.

• 20:29Chris Lee?

  She's a psychopath, but she's, you know, psycho in life, psycho and passionate in bed.

• 20:34Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 20:35Chris Lee?

  You know.

• 20:36Lewis Howes?

  I've definitely experienced that.

• 20:37Chris Lee?

  I'm sure you have.

• 20:39Lewis Howes?

  That's the worst.

• 20:40Chris Lee?

  Yeah, those psycho girls are usually wild in bed.

• 20:42Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my God.

• 20:44Chris Lee?

  You know, so there's, there's a payoff.

• 20:46Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 20:47Chris Lee?

  Tell me you have not been in a relationship with a toxic girlfriend. Be honest with me, Lewis Howes.

• 20:51Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 20:52Chris Lee?

  Have you ever been in a relationship with a toxic girlfriend that was awesome in bed?

• 20:56Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely. And that's the reason, that's what like, kept me in it so long.

• 21:01Chris Lee?

  Exactly.

• 21:02Lewis Howes?

  So passionate. I was like, am I ever going to find this passion again?

• 21:05Chris Lee?

  Right.

• 21:06Lewis Howes?

  In a sexual experience.

• 21:08Chris Lee?

  Right.

• 21:09Lewis Howes?

  And the drama and the stress and the draining for the other, other times that that wasn't happening was a lot to weigh on me. But then we'd always make up and it'd be this incredible passionate thing.

• 21:20Chris Lee?

  I have a friend and I won't mention her name because I know she'll be listening to this podcast. And she's been in a relationship, a so-called relationship for the last two years. She has literally stopped her life waiting for that guy to commit to her.

• 21:35Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 21:36Chris Lee?

  He has not committed. He's explained, I don't want to be in this relationship, but if you want to hang around.

• 21:42Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 21:42Chris Lee?

  And she's waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and put her life on hold for this person because. No one makes me feel the way he makes me feel. I feel connected. Uh, the, the sex is amazing. So she'll settle for any crumb that she gets from that person.

• 22:04Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 22:05Chris Lee?

  And her payoff is that a crumb is better than nothing.

• 22:10Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. Or better than being, than being single or.

• 22:13Chris Lee?

  Yeah, better than being a, nothing alone. I have nothing without him.

• 22:17Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 22:18Chris Lee?

  You know, so that's her payoff. And so it's important for you to identify what are the payoffs? And when you identify the payoffs and you compare it to the prices, which is the record of every single time they hurt you, abandoned you, took from you, drained from you, exhausted you, stressed you out. And you felt devastated, you felt exhausted, you felt. What begins to happen by those two things is you realize that the prices outweigh by far the payoff.

• 22:53Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. Yeah. When you start to identify and look at it a lot, yeah. Okay.

• 22:57Chris Lee?

  So identify the payoff is the third step.

• 23:00Lewis Howes?

  And going to number four?

• 23:02Chris Lee?

  Number four is give up the excuses.

• 23:04Lewis Howes?

  So what does that mean?

• 23:05Chris Lee?

  That means realizing that I'm in a story and I'm making it up and I get to give it up. I get to give up the excuse of, well, at least he's giving me crumbs. Or he's been in my life this long, or it's my mom, or it's my dad, or it's a family member. You know, I gotta, I gotta stop justifying for them. Because what happens, we also come up with excuses for their behavior. Like they don't know better, they don't have the tools. They're just shy, they're just that way.

• 23:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 23:42Chris Lee?

  You know, and those excuses end up really keeping you in that relationship.

• 23:49Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 23:50Chris Lee?

  And so it's very important to give up the excuses that you're making up for them.

• 23:53Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. And I think it's, uh, and maybe you're going to be talking about this at some point, but I think it's clear to be, um, to mention that if you don't know specifically what you want in a relationship, then a lot of this probably isn't going to matter. Is that the next point?

• 24:07Chris Lee?

  You're, I love you. You're like.

• 24:09Lewis Howes?

  I'm thinking ahead.

• 24:10Chris Lee?

  You are so like, you are so insane. It's amazing. The fourth step. And giving up or transforming a toxic relationship is get clear on your vision for your relationship.

• 24:21Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 24:21Chris Lee?

  Which is exactly what you're saying.

• 24:23Lewis Howes?

  There you go.

• 24:23Chris Lee?

  You're amazing. That's why, you know, it's great working with you because we, we read each other's mind. Get clear on your vision for your relationship.

• 24:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and it doesn't probably, if we're talking intimate relationship, you know.

• 24:35Chris Lee?

  Or any relationship.

• 24:36Lewis Howes?

  Or any relationship. It may not be like this, you need to know the vision for where you want this to be for the, like your, the end result. Like, I don't need to get married right now, but I want to have a.

• 24:45Chris Lee?

  No, what I want right now.

• 24:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 24:48Chris Lee?

  My vision for my relationship with my mom is. Why don't we do this as an exercise as a homework?

• 24:54Lewis Howes?

  I like this.

• 24:54Chris Lee?

  My vision for my relationship with blank is how I want to feel when I'm with blank is. What blank adds to my life is what I add to blank's life is. So my vision for my relationship with my mom is a relationship of communication, a love of understanding.

• 25:17Chris Lee?

  A relationship where we spend time with each other, where we respect each other, we listen to each other. Where we agree to disagree when we need to.

• 25:28Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 25:29Chris Lee?

  So my vision for my relationship with my husband is that I have my soulmate or my wife, she's my soulmate. And we respect, we love each other, there's joy, there's passion, there's excitement. My heart is wide open to them. You know, really get clear on your vision for your relationship. The clearer you are, the easier it is to identify toxic people and behavior because the gap will be obvious.

• 25:58Lewis Howes?

  It's easier to end the relationship or transform it because you're not getting what your vision is. So if it's not happening, you're able to take the steps necessary to get there.

• 26:07Chris Lee?

  And that's even true about employees.

• 26:09Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 26:09Chris Lee?

  If you have toxic employees, if you're clear about your vision for the employee that you want. If you're clear on your vision for the company that you want, the environment that you want around you. Whatever is not that environment, whatever is not that or part of that vision will become so obvious.

• 26:28Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 26:29Chris Lee?

  Because once again, the gap will become obvious to you. Because if your vision is employees that listen, employees that keep their word, employees that are on time, employees that are in ownership of the company, employees with a positive attitude, employees that are all givers versus takers.

• 26:47Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 26:48Chris Lee?

  And you got an employee who's late or an employee who is not that, it's gonna be so obvious because the context, because once again, we're talking about context. What's the context of the relationships you want in your life? And the key to success, people is relationship.

• 27:03Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 27:04Chris Lee?

  And the clearer you are about the kind of relationships that you want, you will start attracting those relationships.

• 27:12Lewis Howes?

  And what if someone isn't sure exactly what they want? How do they do, how do they discover that or figure that out?

• 27:17Chris Lee?

  Easy. Figure out what you don't want and think the opposite.

• 27:21Lewis Howes?

  There you go.

• 27:23Chris Lee?

  How's that?

• 27:24Lewis Howes?

  I don't wanna feel like I'm not enough.

• 27:26Chris Lee?

  Okay, so if you wanna feel you, okay, let's take that one. I don't wanna feel like I'm not enough, so what do you want?

• 27:31Lewis Howes?

  I wanna feel like I'm enough.

• 27:32Chris Lee?

  Okay, what else don't you want?

• 27:33Lewis Howes?

  I don't wanna feel like I'm not respected.

• 27:37Chris Lee?

  Okay, so what's the opposite of that?

• 27:38Lewis Howes?

  I wanna feel respected.

• 27:39Chris Lee?

  There's your vision.

• 27:40Lewis Howes?

  There you go. Cool.

• 27:41Chris Lee?

  That's an easy way to get people's vision.

• 27:42Lewis Howes?

  I like that.

• 27:43Chris Lee?

  Yeah. So whenever you're not clear, and this is true about anything, whenever you're clear about what you do want, whenever you're not clear about what you do want, think about the five things that you don't want.

• 27:54Lewis Howes?

  And then?

• 27:55Chris Lee?

  And then flip it.

• 27:56Lewis Howes?

  That's a great way to do it.

• 27:57Chris Lee?

  And that's the way to find out what you want.

• 27:59Lewis Howes?

  I like it. Okay, so this is number four is to get clear on your vision for what you want in your relationships. Is that number four or number five?

• 28:06Chris Lee?

  Number five.

• 28:07Lewis Howes?

  Number five. Okay, so number six.

• 28:10Chris Lee?

  Number six is the conversation.

• 28:14Lewis Howes?

  Having the conversation with the person that is toxic.

• 28:18Chris Lee?

  Correct.

• 28:19Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 28:19Chris Lee?

  Have the conversation. And the important thing is to create the environment to have it. No distractions, no cell phones, no TV, no other people. Don't text it, don't call it. This is a one-on-one, face-to-face conversation, if possible. If not, then it's over the phone.

• 28:38Lewis Howes?

  Sure, or Skype or?

• 28:39Chris Lee?

  Or Skype, but make sure that if it's over the phone, that there's nothing else happening.

• 28:43Lewis Howes?

  Now, do you set an appointment for this conversation?

• 28:45Chris Lee?

  Yes.

• 28:45Lewis Howes?

  Or do you, or do you, when I'm seeing you, I'm just like, hey, we need to have a conversation right now?

• 28:49Chris Lee?

  No, no. We need to talk. It's very important that we talk. And when can we talk?

• 28:55Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 28:56Chris Lee?

  When will work for you?

• 28:58Lewis Howes?

  Gotcha.

• 28:59Chris Lee?

  Here's what works for me, one that works for you.

• 29:01Lewis Howes?

  Okay, so the conversation and

• 29:04Chris Lee?

  And having the conversation, i- it's important, a couple of things. Number one is that you get to the point quickly.

• 29:10Lewis Howes?

  As opposed to

• 29:11Chris Lee?

  Beating around the bush and, and, and really, instead of focusing the conversation, this is the key point here. Instead of focusing the conversation on their behavior

• 29:23Lewis Howes?

  What's wrong with them?

• 29:25Chris Lee?

  Their problem and, you know, what they did, what they didn't do, and you always, and my list says this and this, which what we'll do is get them defensive and angrier.

• 29:37Lewis Howes?

  And make them mad, yeah.

• 29:38Chris Lee?

  Focus the conversation on how you're feeling around them.

• 29:42Lewis Howes?

  So can you give an example?

• 29:44Chris Lee?

  Louis, I want to talk to you because it's really important. You're important to me, but lately, or for the last year, I've been feeling stressed around you. I've been feeling angry around you. I've been feeling like, uh, I don't matter. I'm not important to you. And I want you to know that that's not okay with me. And so it's about really getting to the point about how you're feeling. And depending on how they respond to it, then you can make another, have another extended conversation. Because what you would do is you would share how you're feeling and then share what your vision is.

• 30:22Lewis Howes?

  So here's how I'm feeling and here's my vision for our relationship or a relationship that I want moving forward.

• 30:28Chris Lee?

  Yeah, my vision for relationships in my life.

• 30:30Lewis Howes?

  Are

• 30:31Chris Lee?

  So don't even make it personal. So my vision for relationships in my life is, my vision for relationships in my life are relationships that empower me, that we empower each other, that we're both giving, that we're joyful around each other, that there's communication, that we listen to each other, that we keep our word, that we are respectful, et cetera, et cetera. Think of all the ingredients in your vision. Share your vision. And also share that you're not gonna bail on that, that that's your commitment.

• 31:03Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 31:04Chris Lee?

  And that to you, it's important that you have that in your life.

• 31:07Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure. I like that.

• 31:09Chris Lee?

  And then hear from the other person. How are you feeling? What are you experiencing? What is your vision? And if you see that the other person's getting defensive and getting angry, you need to make it very clear then, this relationship isn't working for me.

• 31:25Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 31:26Chris Lee?

  You gotta be clear, this relationship.

• 31:28Lewis Howes?

  The way it's been going isn't working for me.

• 31:30Chris Lee?

  And for it to work for me, here are the things that are non-negotiable.

• 31:35Lewis Howes?

  Oh.

• 31:36Chris Lee?

  Non-negotiable. Non-negotiable means it is not negotiable for you to disrespect me.

• 31:44Lewis Howes?

  Or to yell at me.

• 31:45Chris Lee?

  To yell at me, that's not, it's not negotiable. I will not accept that.

• 31:48Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 31:48Chris Lee?

  Yeah, I won't accept that you keep breaking your word to me.

• 31:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 31:52Chris Lee?

  What I, what I, my vision is that we do respect each other. My vision is that we do support each other, that we keep our word with each other. So it's very important to have the conversation, that you express how you're feeling, that you express your vision, and that you hear from them, number one, what they're hearing you say, to make sure that what you're communicating is registering.

• 32:17Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 32:18Chris Lee?

  And number two, what you could count on from them.

• 32:20Lewis Howes?

  Moving forward, yeah.

• 32:21Chris Lee?

  Yeah, and if they need to clear with you something, then be open because, you know, it may not just be one-sided. Of course not. Maybe you're triggering all this toxic energy.

• 32:30Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 32:30Chris Lee?

  Maybe you're the toxic one.

• 32:32Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, because maybe they're saying, well, I've been feeling the same thing about you. And that's why I react, and that's why I'm so defensive.

• 32:37Chris Lee?

  Exactly.

• 32:38Lewis Howes?

  Disrespect you because I feel you're disrespecting me.

• 32:40Chris Lee?

  And so one of the ways to move forward from that is what is your vision for our relationship?

• 32:46Lewis Howes?

  I like it.

• 32:47Chris Lee?

  You could have this with your employee. Employee, I want to have a conversation. I've been feeling lately that you're not appreciating working here, that you're not showing up, you know, and that, you know, people around you aren't getting, you know, your commitment. And my vision for my employees is, and my question to you is, what is, what, what's going on with you?

• 33:09Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 33:09Chris Lee?

  Is that what you want?

• 33:12Chris Lee?

  So it's just about having a communication with the people in your life and being honest.

• 33:16Lewis Howes?

  And that conversation is probably one of the scariest things for people.

• 33:19Chris Lee?

  Absolutely. It's the one that we don't have.

• 33:23Lewis Howes?

  Ever. So how does, it's the thing we avoid the most. So how does someone?

• 33:26Chris Lee?

  Completely avoid that conversation.

• 33:27Lewis Howes?

  So do you have any tools for people to get the courage to have that conversation?

• 33:33Chris Lee?

  Like anything in life, when the situation becomes unbearable, or the only option is to have that conversation, that's when you're gonna have it.

• 33:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, okay.

• 33:41Chris Lee?

  You know, really, it gets to that point where

• 33:43Lewis Howes?

  You have to.

• 33:44Chris Lee?

  If you don't move, it's gonna stay the same.

• 33:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, okay. So the conversation, very powerful thing. What's the next?

• 33:51Chris Lee?

  Let's say that you have the conversation, and in the case of ending the relationship, you gotta be firm and clear that this relationship is over.

• 34:00Lewis Howes?

  So.

• 34:01Chris Lee?

  So let's say, let's say that in the conversation, so we're also coaching people to end a relationship.

• 34:07Lewis Howes?

  That's tough, yeah.

• 34:07Chris Lee?

  Let's say you're at the point where there's nothing else that there's to talk about, there's nothing else to do, just say, look, here's how I'm feeling. My vision is this, obviously, you're not on the same page, and so I'm choosing to move on. And this is not working for me anymore. Don't even make it about them. This is not working for me anymore. And if it's a personal, close relationship, then you gotta be firm about that.

• 34:36Lewis Howes?

  Wow, that's tough.

• 34:38Chris Lee?

  Very tough, but tougher is to continue in the toxic relationship.

• 34:43Lewis Howes?

  That's true.

• 34:43Chris Lee?

  That's what you gotta think about.

• 34:44Lewis Howes?

  It's gonna keep you from your greatness in some way.

• 34:46Chris Lee?

  And know that on the other side of this is freedom.

• 34:49Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 34:49Chris Lee?

  On the other side of this is joy. So in the case of ending the relationship, you've got to be clear and you gotta be firm. And you gotta be to the point.

• 35:00Lewis Howes?

  Very cool.

• 35:01Chris Lee?

  So when you get to that point.

• 35:02Lewis Howes?

  I like it. So I think the next step is step seven?

• 35:05Chris Lee?

  Uh, step seven is take the opportunity to grieve and mourn the loss.

• 35:11Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 35:12Chris Lee?

  So the relationship is over. A lot of people, what they end up doing is stuffing it, or they keep talking about that relationship, or they talk with that person again, and they keep back and forth, back and forth. Draining. And how many of you have ended a relationship and gone back to that same relationship? I raise my hand. Yeah. That is the biggest mistake, you know, because it's not going to be any different. It's tough, that's for sure. It's not easy. So you gotta, you gotta really be clear that this is the end of the relationship, meaning, once it's over, stop talking about it. Stop talking to people about it, stop bringing it up. You need to take them out of Facebook, take them out of Twitter, take them out of, just remove that person from your life, remove

• 35:55Chris Lee?

  that energy. That's if you're ending the relationship. Right, right. Okay. You know, so it's very important. So you gotta take the opportunity to mourn the loss. And by mourning the loss is by, you know, feeling whatever feelings you're having, have a good cry, have a good catharsis. One of the things that I recommend, whenever you want to clear and mourn a loss, if necessary, some relationships that end are not that dramatic, is to simply letting it go. Right. But for people that have close, like a marriage, or a best friend, you know, or someone that's very close to you, you've got to mourn the loss. Right.

• 36:37Chris Lee?

  And another way, one of the ways that we can mourn the loss is in your room, just play music, soft music, have a good cry. I have a good cry at least once a week. It keeps me clean. There's nothing wrong with crying. Crying cleanses the soul. Sure. It gives you the opportunity to remove guilt and resentment, you know, and so having a good cry is a way to mourn a loss. Maybe talk to a friend, not so much about the relationship, but about how you're feeling, and the feelings of emptiness and sadness and loneliness. That's very therapeutic. If your situation's severe, get a therapist. Sure.

• 37:18Chris Lee?

  You know, get a counselor, have somebody work you through it, get a life coach. Life coaches are very powerful tools to have in your life to work through a breakup. I've worked through divorces and separations and all kinds of situations with clients. So that is find a time to grieve. Find a time, make the time to grieve. Make the time to mourn the loss and to let it go. Another way you could let it go is write a journal, like journal your feelings, how you're feeling about that loss and you know, that emptiness. And what other losses does it bring up?

• 38:00Chris Lee?

  Because a lot of times when we have a reaction over a breakup or ending a relationship, it's not so much about that one specific person. It's about all the losses I've had in the past. It's about all the broken relationships in the past. And so use this opportunity to heal, to heal other relationships. You know, because sometimes we feel this deep, deep loneliness when we end a relationship. And no one can, no matter who we tell, talk about, they don't understand us. Right. But I want you to know, I understand, I completely understand. Because what you're mourning about isn't even that boyfriend that you broke up with, or that husband you divorced, or that best friend who's no longer in your life.

• 38:44Chris Lee?

  You're mourning about all the other losses that you never cleared. Because we, we have the ability to stuff our feelings and to have it build. And so as you're mourning the loss, bring to mind other people that have walked away, other people that have broken your heart. And take advantage, turn this into a blessing. Turn it into an opportunity, which leads to point number eight. All right. So what do we have for number eight? So principle number eight is to write down the lessons learned in this. Okay. Take the time to evaluate, given what just happened,

• 39:27Chris Lee?

  given the ending or the transformation of the relationship, what am I learning from this? So I don't fall back in the same thing again. Okay. So after you grieve it and go through that process, you're then writing it down. Yeah, you're writing down the lessons. Gotcha. It's very important to identify lessons in life because definition of insanity, according to Einstein, is repeating the same thing over and over and over. Expecting a different result, dating the same kind of girls, hiring the same kind of employees, surrounding yourself with the same kind of people, you want to create different results. It takes learning from our mistakes.

• 40:08Lewis Howes?

  Gotcha.

• 40:09Chris Lee?

  And this principle step is so important because it has me identify, whether it's writing it down or sharing it with a friend, you know, sharing with your friend or sharing with somebody expressing the lessons learned in this situation.

• 40:25Lewis Howes?

  And what do we do with these? Do we keep this somewhere as a record or?

• 40:28Chris Lee?

  Part of your journal, part of your journal.

• 40:31Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 40:32Chris Lee?

  I recommend people journal anyway, daily.

• 40:35Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 40:35Chris Lee?

  Writing down your feelings, your goals, your experiences, you know, journaling, this is part of journaling. And so I always do that when I, when I go through a situation, I take the time to write down the lessons learned.

• 40:49Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 40:50Chris Lee?

  And make sure that those lessons are, are with me and I'm able to learn from them.

• 40:55Lewis Howes?

  Okay. Now, what do we have? Point number nine?

• 40:58Chris Lee?

  Number nine. Point number nine is to fill that emptiness.

• 41:03Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 41:04Chris Lee?

  Because we're left with, you know, a hole or like a donut.

• 41:11Chris Lee?

  That person filled, even if it's toxic.

• 41:13Lewis Howes?

  It filled it.

• 41:13Chris Lee?

  That person filled a hole. And one of the things is getting involved in activities. Exercising is a great way to move forward and to grieve loss and to fill that hole. Exercising hobbies, you know, now you have time that you wasted on that person to do other things like accomplish your goals. Develop a talent. So many of us don't take the time to develop our talents, whether it's gardening or cooking or salsa lessons.

• 41:46Lewis Howes?

  Learning a new language.

• 41:47Chris Lee?

  Yeah, learning a new language, traveling, you know, do things on a daily basis that keep you busy.

• 41:54Lewis Howes?

  I would also say, you know, I would also add to this, and maybe you're going to have this as your next point, uh, is to find a community of supportive people during these activities. Like, you know, go to a positive gym or go to workout classes with positive people or find hobbies with people that you are, are inspired by.

• 42:11Chris Lee?

  Absolutely. And that is the next point.

• 42:16Chris Lee?

  So fill the hole, you know, make sure that you take the time to, you know, to really fill yourself up with activities that keep you distracted, that keep you focused on, you know, just some positive forward moving things in your life. And point number nine is to surround yourself with positive people, people that are gonna forward you in your life, people that are gonna, you know, support you in what it is that you're up to, you know, and that's, and that's important to surround yourself with positive people. Cool. Okay. And the final point? The final point, which is the most important point, self-love.

• 43:00Chris Lee?

  Really see who you are and the gift that you are, and that you are valuable, that you are important, that the only thing that you deserve in your life is joy and love and to surround yourself with that and to have that in your life. And that any person or situation that takes away your joy is someone who doesn't deserve to be in your life. And that is the most important point, self-love. Like that song by George Benson, later sung by Whitney Houston, too bad she didn't really apply it, greatest love of all. Your best friend in the world is you.

• 43:45Chris Lee?

  And sometimes we become our worst enemy. Yeah. So really, it's about, you know, at the end of the day, it's about self-love and that requires forgiving yourself. This is hard for a lot of people to do. For being in those situations. You know how we're the kings and queens of beating ourselves up? Yes. So it's about forgiving ourselves, letting go, and filling ourselves up with love and and realizing that we are a gift and we're unique and there's nobody like us. And that we get, we get to shine, shine bright like a diamond. Thank you, Rihanna, shine bright like a diamond. Truly, we are diamonds. Yeah. Sometimes that diamond gets covered up with coal and dirt and toxic people.

• 44:31Chris Lee?

  So as you remove the, the, the people that are toxic in your life, your light shines brighter. So self-worth, self-respect. And I always say that, you know, your self-worth relates to what your net worth is.

• 44:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 44:45Chris Lee?

  And net worth could be financial friends. You know, net worth can mean a lot of things, but self-worth equals net worth.

• 44:51Lewis Howes?

  Wow. So if you could wrap it all up, these 10 things, and I think we might've talked about 11 or 12. We got some of these numbers wrong, but I'll have it all linked up on the show notes. We'll have it all categorized for you guys. But if you could wrap it up, the importance of leaving a toxic relationship or transforming toxic relationship, wrap it up for us.

• 45:12Chris Lee?

  The importance is to identify it, to communicate it, to be clear about your vision and not sell out on it.

• 45:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 45:21Chris Lee?

  Not sell out on what you deserve in your life. That's really the bottom line. You gotta love yourself more than you love that toxic relationship.

• 45:29Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. That's a whole nother conversation. That's the next topic, how to love yourself.

• 45:34Chris Lee?

  I love you, but I love me more.

• 45:36Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 45:37Chris Lee?

  You know, and it takes strength and it takes vision and it takes being clear that, you know, on the other side, there's joy. And you know what? There's tons of people in the world, you know, sometimes we think that that person's the end all. You know, I've had so many friends that this is the love of my life. And then a year later, this is the love of my life. And they can't imagine living without the love of their life. And, you know, I think that at the end of the day, it's really about us. It's about a relationship with ourselves. And if we respect ourselves, then we will command respect.

• 46:10Lewis Howes?

  I love it.

• 46:11Chris Lee?

  Yeah.

• 46:12Lewis Howes?

  This is amazing.

• 46:12Chris Lee?

  Is this good?

• 46:13Lewis Howes?

  This is amazing stuff. I hope, hope everyone enjoys this episode as much as I know I enjoy. And I feel like this is a very important topic that everyone should listen to, but also refer back to if you ever have a toxic relationship or if you're ever feeling weird in a relationship.

• 46:31Chris Lee?

  Well, it's something we, we, that we haven't talked about on the podcast and it's something that I keep hearing over and over and over in my seminars.

• 46:37Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 46:38Chris Lee?

  People, a lot of misery and a lot of sadness is unnecessary because we're with people that are dead weight. You know, if you have toxic food in the refrigerator, what happens to the refrigerator?

• 46:50Lewis Howes?

  It's moldy and nasty and smelly.

• 46:51Chris Lee?

  You end up have, you, you might have to throw out the whole refrigerator.

• 46:54Lewis Howes?

  Maybe, yeah.

• 46:55Chris Lee?

  You know, so it's the same thing in our lives. The minute we got toxic people, there's another saying that I'm going to relate it to what you just, what you shared earlier about a saying about, you know, tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you your future.

• 47:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 47:07Chris Lee?

  There's another saying in Puerto Rico that says, tell me who you hang out with and I'll tell you who you are.

• 47:13Lewis Howes?

  Ooh, boom.

• 47:15Chris Lee?

  I'll say it in Spanish.

• 47:16Lewis Howes?

  Snap. What is it?

• 47:17Chris Lee?

  Dime con quien andas y te diré quién eres.

• 47:21Lewis Howes?

  It always just sounds hotter in Spanish.

• 47:23Chris Lee?

  I know, right? It does.

• 47:24Lewis Howes?

  More passionate.

• 47:25Chris Lee?

  Yeah, it does. It does.

• 47:27Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man. There you go. Well, uh, hopefully you guys enjoy this episode. We'll have a link back here in a second of where to go specifically to get all these 10 or 11 or 12 points, however many we had here.

• 47:38Chris Lee?

  They're 10.

• 47:39Lewis Howes?

  10 points.

• 47:40Chris Lee?

  Yeah, they're 10.

• 47:40Lewis Howes?

  We'll make sure we, we structure it all perfectly for you guys there. And we'll link up where you can connect with Chris. Make sure to give Chris a shout out over on Twitter, was where he mostly hangs out. A little bit on Instagram, I see you sometimes on Facebook, although you have like three or four profiles there or fan pages for all the people that follow you.

• 47:56Chris Lee?

  Yeah, I've got like three, but I got a main one.

• 47:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 47:58Chris Lee?

  Yeah.

• 47:59Lewis Howes?

  But make sure to leave a comment about, um, which episode also you enjoyed the most of all Chris's episodes, all number five now. And also what worked for you to end a toxic relationship in your past? What has worked for you? So which one of these points worked for you really well? Uh, and maybe what was the most challenging thing for you? So maybe there's different challenging things for people. So put that in the comment section below of this episode. Uh, Chris, there needs to be more Chris Lees in the world. If there were more people like you, the world would be amazing place. It would be a lot better.

• 48:33Chris Lee?

  You're making me cry right now.

• 48:34Lewis Howes?

  I'm serious though.

• 48:35Chris Lee?

  I'm feeling vulnerable.

• 48:35Lewis Howes?

  Uh, it's all right.

• 48:37Chris Lee?

  The tears are coming. The tears coming. Wait for it. There it is.

• 48:42Lewis Howes?

  But, uh, the world needs more you and that's why we're going to keep coming you back, uh, keep having you back. So thank you so much for coming on. As always, I love you. You're incredible. And, uh, we'll talk to you soon.

• 48:52Chris Lee?

  Thank you so much. Thank you. And thank, thanks to all of you for listening.

• 49:00Lewis Howes?

  And there you have it guys. I hope you enjoyed this episode with Chris. Again, big thank you to him for coming back on. I always love having him in the studio and talking about the things that are messy and how to simplify them to support you in your business, your life, your relationships, your vision, everything that you've got going on. Again, Chris has been a good friend for a while now and it's always amazed at the things that he teaches me and how he can simplify things for people to take action in their own life. So if you enjoyed this episode, please go to lewishouse.com/164 and share this with your friends. Again, the more that you can share this with people, you're going to be serving them as well. So if you feel like

• 49:40Lewis Howes?

  someone is in a relationship that isn't supporting them, whether it be an intimate relationship, a family member, maybe they're in a toxic relationship in their business that they're, they don't know how to fire someone, or they don't know how to get out of a partnership. If you know anyone, please send them this link, lewishouse.com/164 and say, hey, you might find this helpful. Make sure to check this out and see if this supports you. You could really impact a lot of people who are dealing with this on a daily basis because I've experienced this myself a number of times and it's hard. It's frustrating. It's painful. But once you clear the space and you can remove yourself from the situation, you can then move forward and start

• 50:23Lewis Howes?

  to heal. So make sure to send people to lewishouse.com/164. Share this with your friends. You know, let me know where you're listening to this in the world over on Instagram, @lewishouse, and we'll have everything linked up that we talked about in today's episode back at the show notes at lewishouse.com/164, along with more information on how you can connect with Chris and everything he is up to. Again, changing the world with all of his workshops that he does, leadership courses all over the place. So, thank you guys again so much for listening, for sharing, for promoting, and big thank you to my friend Chris Lee for sharing his wisdom and years of experience on the podcast. Again, lewishouse.com/164. You guys know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something.

• 51:08Lewis Howes?

  Great.

• 52:10Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.