646 How to Be the Jedi Master of Overcoming Stress with Chris Lee

“YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER OTHER PEOPLE, BUT YOU HAVE TOTAL CONTROL OVER YOURSELF.” Do you ever feel like there’s certain things that just set you off? Certain subjects that send you into a blind rage? We all go through it. There was a period in my life, well honestly it was most of my life, I was explosive. Even if a little thing would trigger me, I found myself exploding. In those moments, I would reflect - and I know that wasn’t me. The truth is, it wasn’t me. It was my reaction. More importantly, it wasn’t my reaction to what was really happening. I was reacting to things in my past. Previous events I was holding on to, and constantly judging, were making me react in an explosive manner. Events would trigger these memories on a subconscious level, and everything that built up would come out all at once. I was able to find a place of peace with my past and find a place of neutrality, thanks to the help of today’s guest: Chris Lee. Chris Lee is a transformational facilitator and coach (and TV personality) that has been doing deep work for 30 years. This is also the 14th (yes, 14th) time he’s been on the show. On this episode of The School of Greatness, we discuss how you can achieve a neutral mindset. Not only will you get the theory behind the work, but you’ll also walk away with actionable steps you can take today to make that happen. Don’t be caught reacting to your triggers, creating an image of yourself you don’t want others to see ever again. Chris has been my coach for years on this exact topic, and I'm so excited for you to hear his wisdom as well. Learn how you can create a neutral mind-frame that allows for clarity on Episode 646. Some Questions I Ask: How can we have more results in our lives? (7:44) So what is step one to create a neutral life? (18:00) How do you handle not letting wild kids trigger you? (19:26) Do you recommend having a mantra if things seem too out of control? (21:34) What’s the next point for staying neutral? (32:34) What’s something you’ve learned about yourself that’s surprised you in the last year? (38:54) What’s the thing you need to master still that will take you to another level? (41:34) In This Episode You Will Learn: How holding onto judgment will create negative reactions (10:54) The truth about every event in life (12:10) What neutrality really is (20:06) Another way to achieve neutrality when you’re triggered (23:16) How the greatest athletes are neutral (26:21) What you need to do now to overcome triggers (28:07) The importance of a neutral accountability buddy (30:26) Your action steps after this episode is over (36:00) Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 646 with Chris Lee.

• 0:05Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:30Lewis Howes?

  Wayne Dyer said, "You can't always control what goes on outside, but you can always control what goes on inside." I am so excited about this episode because there have been too many times in my life where I've allowed outside forces to control my inside emotions. And those emotions, without having the right tools, could damage my life, can damage me by me reacting in those situations, by responding, by diminishing people, by being negative towards people, or just getting angry and frustrated and upset. And have you ever gone throughout your daily life where someone does something to you where they trigger you?

• 1:11Lewis Howes?

  They say something, they leave a comment on something, they cut you off in traffic, and they trigger this emotion that makes you want to react and get angry and upset in that moment? I think all of us have had that. The challenge is, that may make us feel good in that moment to defend ourselves, or to lash out back, or to make sure that we're not being taken advantage of. But what it really does is it robs us of our joy, our freedom, our power, when we give that power away through a reaction in anything that's happening in the world. Chris Lee is here today to give us some practical tools and a deeper understanding on how

• 1:52Lewis Howes?

  to become the Jedi Master of Stress, of not reacting to anything in the world, but being the master of your own life. For those that don't know who Chris Lee is, he's a transformational facilitator, coach, and TV personality. He's been doing this deep work for 30 years with over 100,000 people, one-on-one and in small groups. He's traveled the world teaching and empowering people on how to use these tools to better their life, including world business leaders and Hollywood celebrities, et cetera. And this is his 14th appearance on this show. And every time he comes on, he's got something practical that you can apply for your life. And in this episode, we talk about how reacting to unmet expectations causes the stress in

• 2:37Lewis Howes?

  our life. Also, the first key to creating a peaceful life every single day. What happens when we do react to ourselves and what happens when we react within the world. Also, what to do when you get triggered by someone else that you love, and how neutrality combats disease. That's right. This is a juicy one. There's some practical steps throughout, and I really believe you're going to get so much value out of this one if you actually follow through on the principles and start practicing what we talk about, specifically the challenge we give you at the end. Again, powerful one. Make sure to share this with

• 3:17Lewis Howes?

  your friends, lewishouse.com/646 to share it out. Tag me on Instagram and Chris Motiva Door as well. Before we dive in, big shout out to the fan of the week. This is from Britt Ula, who said, "I love starting my day with these podcasts, even if it's just driving and walking my dog. These podcasts give you inspiration to go after your goals, but also to change the way you think. And I feel more mindful and grateful after listening to these episodes. I love the mix of guests, or just Lewis's episodes, but I also like Five Minute Fridays, if even need a few minutes of inspiration." If you haven't listened to these podcasts yet, you definitely should. So Britt Ula,

• 4:00Lewis Howes?

  thank you so much for being the fan of the week. And again, we've got over 3,000 five-star reviews over on iTunes. If you haven't left your review yet, get a chance to be shouted out as the fan of the week. Go open up the podcast app, and you can just scroll down and leave us a review right there. Alright guys, this is all about overcoming stress, being the Jedi Master, how to claim your power in any stressful situation with the one and only Chris Lee.

• 4:32Lewis Howes?

  Welcome everyone back to the School of Greatness Podcast. We have the legendary Chris Lee in the house for the 14th time. Super excited. I was just talking about you earlier today. Someone was interviewing me for their podcast. And I told the whole story of me coming to a more self-aware place with my own emotions. From sexual abuse, trauma to it always triggering me throughout the years. And when I started to understand my triggers and things that I get defensive with. When I started to understand that and heal those things, that's when I was able to have a more calm environment whenever someone was throwing anything at me in any situation,

• 5:15Lewis Howes?

  with relationships, business partners, whatever it may be. I was able to, in the last four years, have more peace and calm because of what you taught me. And this is something that we wanted to talk about today.

• 5:25Chris Lee?

  Right.

• 5:26Lewis Howes?

  Because we realized that when people react to situations or their triggers, that's typically when they don't get the results they want. So how can we have more results in our life, bigger results, and more peace in the process? And we're talking about today, that today, which is how to really overcome stressful situations through what you call neutrality. So let's talk about what is neutrality? And how can we own and own all of our emotional energy throughout any situation in our life? So it doesn't control us, but we're in control of situations.

• 6:00Chris Lee?

  It's an incredible thing to talk about because I think that nowadays with so much happening so fast at a rapid pace, we are being triggered by so many things at the same time. And so many times we go to our mechanism to cope with stress and anxiety and situations where we usually go, which is to react. And so we react, and when we react, there's a false sense of power. So when you're screaming at your children, or you're screaming at the person in front of the line, or in traffic, or you're having a reactive moment, those are patterns that give us a false reward. And that false reward is a sense of power. So.

• 6:46Chris Lee?

  The truth about it is that it's the opposite. Because what we end up doing is we end up giving our power away. And so instead of being empowered, you're actually disempowered. And I think that when you implement the tools of transformation and when you use what I want to talk about, it's gonna save you and spare you a lot of stress. Because it's not just about positive thinking. Positive thinking is great. Positive thinking, you know, I'm the first person to say that positive thinking is gonna get me to where I wanna go in many occasions. But sometimes it takes taking a step back and do what I call neutral thinking. And when you come from neutrality, what you're doing is you're accessing your inner wisdom. You're going beyond the judgment of right, wrong, good, bad.

• 7:31Chris Lee?

  And so you're not giving the significance to the events that usually you would give them. Because what you're reacting to usually in life is that whatever your expectation is not being met.

• 7:44Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 7:45Chris Lee?

  And so if you expect your children to behave a certain way, and they don't, you react. You expect that your spouse, or your employees, or the people around you respond in a certain way, then what you end up doing is you end up being frustrated. Expectation leads to frustration. And so when you come from a neutral place, which is not looking at life through judgmental filters, because many times, expectations are just judgments. You know, having a judgment of what should be. It should be this way. Well, life isn't the way it should be. Life is the way it is. I love one of your favorite sayings. I don't know if you noticed that you say it a lot. It's all good.

• 8:23Lewis Howes?

  I do say it a lot.

• 8:24Chris Lee?

  Have you realized that?

• 8:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 8:26Chris Lee?

  It's all good. You know, you'll tell me about like an accident that happened, or someone that...

• 8:30Lewis Howes?

  It's all good, though.

• 8:31Chris Lee?

  And you're like, it's all good. But that's like a perfect gateway to neutrality. Because you're basically saying it's okay. It's not necessarily great, it's not bad. You're basically remaining neutral about something.

• 8:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and I learned this lesson from you four or five years ago, whenever this was now. Because I had an event that I had associated with my entire life as something that was really bad and terrible. And... Yes, I can say it's really bad and terrible and I don't wish these things on anyone. Any negative thing, I don't wish on anyone. But I held on to that as a judgment for 25 years. And that judgment is what left me suffering and reactive in other situations that I felt coming up in that way.

• 9:13Chris Lee?

  And not only was the event bad and terrible, you were bad and terrible.

• 9:16Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 9:17Chris Lee?

  And you were wrong.

• 9:18Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 9:18Chris Lee?

  There was something wrong with you.

• 9:19Lewis Howes?

  Exactly, and I think-

• 9:20Chris Lee?

  So all that judgment.

• 9:21Lewis Howes?

  Exactly, and I think holding on to that judgment is what kept me from being more neutral in other situations where I was more reactive because I was being defensive or trying to protect myself. And when I realized that that event was a neutral event, or I decided that it was a neutral event in my mind, it no longer had power over me and no longer made me feel like I needed to react to defend myself in lots of situations with my girlfriend, or business, relationships, or family. It made me more neutral in every other situation, which gave me more power and control and-

• 9:57Chris Lee?

  That's the whole key point.

• 9:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 9:59Chris Lee?

  Because the facts are that every event in life is neutral.

• 10:04Lewis Howes?

  If we choose to believe that.

• 10:06Chris Lee?

  It is.

• 10:06Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 10:07Chris Lee?

  Birth, dying, accidents, success, all the stuff that we label as good, or bad, or horrible, or awesome, even awesome's neutral. You're just interpreting it as awesome.

• 10:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 10:22Chris Lee?

  And horrible is neutral, you're just interpreting it as horrible. And so, my point of view is, given that we're interpreting and given that we're putting a label on things, why not choose something that empowers you so that you can use your energy towards growth? Which is the whole purpose of this podcast, is to give people tools to elevate themselves in life.

• 10:45Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 10:45Chris Lee?

  And to grow with every situation. And so by seeing what happened to you, your abuse, as a neutral event-

• 10:55Chris Lee?

  Gives you the power to make whatever choices you wanna make. And you're not anymore in reaction or defined by it.

• 11:02Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm, right.

• 11:04Chris Lee?

  And so we're so defined by the fight with our spouses or by a bankruptcy. Look, a bankruptcy is a bankruptcy. Cancer diagnosis is a cancer diagnosis. Whatever it is that happens in life, we're the ones who add the drama. We're the ones who add the importance, the significance. And so by looking at life through a neutral set of lenses called it's not good, it's not bad, it just is. Then you're able to use your energy towards what you do want.

• 11:36Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:37Chris Lee?

  Because as long as you're in reaction to whatever that trigger is, then you're giving your power away.

• 11:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and the more we react in these situations, the more residual the negative energy becomes. If we are in an argument with someone and we decide to react and fight and argue and drag it out for days, we are draining our energy from doing something that's focused on our vision or helping people. We're just hurting ourselves more and we're hurting the other person in that situation.

• 12:05Chris Lee?

  Well, we're creating an environment. So when you look at it, every, everything is context. And so who Lewis is, when he goes into the world, is an environment. Who Chris Lee is, I'm an environment. And so if my environment is a reactive, trigger-happy, upset,

• 12:21Lewis Howes?

  Dramatic.

• 12:22Chris Lee?

  You know, dramatic, then I'm gonna create those kinda situations because we attract what we are. And so the first key, I would say, to creating a neutral life or a life where you don't give your power away, or a life where you're in a peaceful state, where you're at peace, is to clarify, in a chaotic world, because the world's chaotic and stressful, is to clarify what environment do you wanna be in the world? That's like the number one. And so, yes, it's vision, but vision more in terms of context. Vision in terms of before I go into a room, or before I go to my wife, or before I go to my children, or my boardroom, or wherever it is, the playing field, you know, the court,

• 13:08Chris Lee?

  what's the environment that I'm going to create around me? And so is my environment one of peace and joy and love and connection and passion? Or is it an environment of anxiety and stress and reactivity and problems and drama? So clarifying my environment then allows me to go back to that environment no matter what happens. So when the world cuts me off, or when the world flips me the finger, or when whatever happens, I'm the one who chooses to uphold that environment, that safe place.

• 13:47Chris Lee?

  So your environment, your vision for you and what you want to create is that safe zone where that no matter what comes at you, you could go to it and you could draw power from it.

• 13:59Lewis Howes?

  You're cultivating it no matter what. You're cultivating peace and joy and happiness. Even in chaos, you're gonna start recultivating or planting the seeds again, even if something's been fully wiped out in that experience, so.

• 14:10Chris Lee?

  No matter what, and I don't want to sound like to be indifferent over situations to happen and people, you know, we have a natural process of responding and mourning, et cetera, et cetera.

• 14:20Lewis Howes?

  We have everything, yeah, anger, all those things.

• 14:22Chris Lee?

  But either way, you need to handle whatever the situation is, and you're less likely to be effective when you're in reaction.

• 14:29Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 14:30Chris Lee?

  And then the other thing is when I'm, I just want to talk about when I'm reacting. When I'm reacting to my wife, or I'm reacting to my kids, or I'm reacting to the employees. And I coach a lot of people and I, and I hear about the situations that they feel like life is going at them at 200 miles per hour and there's all these things happening at the same time. And so if I'm reacting, I don't have the power to organize what's happening. I don't have the power to create what I want to create because all I'm creating is a reaction, repeated action. And so I don't create, I don't cause, I'm just simply surviving. And so if you want to get out of survival and you want to truly live and thrive, then you gotta really master this principle of neutrality,

• 15:12Chris Lee?

  which is to go to that place that's not either happy or sad, or good or bad, or negative or positive. I would call it that spiritual center of all wisdom, the source. And then really get clear about, okay, what's that that I'm going to create around me? And so by honoring that vision, whenever anything that doesn't come along with that or doesn't line up with that, then I'm able to make a wise choice. And just take a step back and breathe.

• 15:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 15:44Chris Lee?

  And see things for what they are.

• 15:46Lewis Howes?

  Right. And so step one, you're saying for this is to to understand what the environment is you want to create first, or who you want to be in that type of environment. Is that step one?

• 15:55Chris Lee?

  Yeah, to clarify your vision, to clarify what it is that you want in your relationships. What do you want at work? What do you want in the world? What is it that you want to create around you? The second step is to identify the triggers. So now what is it, you know, what situations trigger me?

• 16:13Lewis Howes?

  Pits you off, frustrates you.

• 16:15Chris Lee?

  What situations have me go psycho, postal, I want to get the baseball bat from the car and hit other cars. Example situations is I can't handle people that are slow. I don't like to be screamed at. I don't like people when they break their word with me. Or when people say they're going to do something and they don't do it. There's so many triggers that we have as human beings that really react. Like, give me an example of a trigger for you.

• 16:38Lewis Howes?

  Well, for me, I mean, well, I was just thinking of a friend of mine who I know is hard for parents with kids that are like young kids. They're not on routine. They don't do what you tell them to do. Like, try to put them to sleep. They wake back up. They're screaming all night. And you get off your rhythm because you're constantly needing to react or respond to your kids. That's what I hear from a lot.

• 16:58Chris Lee?

  I just spoke to somebody about that. And how a friend I spoke to about that said that his kids were going crazy and he went psycho and he lost his patience and he wanted, he just forgot who he was.

• 17:10Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 17:11Chris Lee?

  And so my coaching to him.

• 17:12Lewis Howes?

  So how do you handle that when your kids are, you know, you've got two, three kids or even one kid and you just? They're kids and they're running around.

• 17:19Chris Lee?

  Well, how I handle that is realizing they're not the issue. You are. You're the issue. Because they're just being kids. You're the one who's reacting to an expectation that's not being met.

• 17:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 17:31Chris Lee?

  You're expecting them to be calm and to do what you want them to. And you're expecting them to go to bed and to stay sleeping. And kids are kids. And so it's like fighting against a current or fighting against a wave. You know, you could resist it or you could surrender and accept that the kids are that way. And then with that neutral, calm energy, you could redirect the wind. It's like if the wind is going against you, you can't fight the wind.

• 18:01Lewis Howes?

  You guide it.

• 18:02Chris Lee?

  Redirect it. Like martial arts, Aikido. It's about using the opponent's energy and using it in your favor. So redirecting the energy. And so neutrality is once again not indifference. It's keeping a peaceful viewpoint of everything in life.

• 18:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 18:20Chris Lee?

  And seeing the opportunity in it. So when there's a negative situation, what you would identify as negative or a situation doesn't work with your kids, you can resist it. It's only gonna get worse. And so by clarifying, what's my vision? My vision is a peaceful family. Okay, so when there's not peace in front of me, I still get to uphold my end of the bargain and create peace anyway. And standing in that power of neutrality, then pretty soon before you know it, the kids will relax.

• 18:50Lewis Howes?

  Right, because you're not gonna create peace by being in chaos. Or by reacting to chaos.

• 18:54Chris Lee?

  And so it goes back to step number two, which is be aware of your triggers. If I'm aware that I have very little patience level. You know, some people just have zero patience and anything just, you know, triggers them. Then when situations occur that have me lose my patience, I go, oh wait, that's a trigger. Let me be mindful of that. Let me take a deep breath. Let me be bigger than my trigger and let me choose something different.

• 19:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Do you recommend having a mantra then during that process? If it just seems like too out of control and you wanna react? What if breathing isn't enough? Is there something else that people can do?

• 19:30Chris Lee?

  That's the third step.

• 19:31Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 19:32Chris Lee?

  Replace the trigger with something that's gonna support you in that moment. So if I'm being triggered because somebody is abusing my social media and they're using my name to promote themselves, which I've heard you sometimes be upset with me on the phone like, "Chris, I'm gonna kill somebody." You gotta replace that with another energy because that's an energy. So being triggered is one energy. But then what you do and access to your neutral state is through affirmations. And so one affirmation you can use is, "I am the king or I am the queen of neutral." I've been giving that to some of my clients. It sounds outrageous or it sounds simple.

• 20:17Chris Lee?

  It shifts you because you're so not in that moment. Like you wanna kill somebody and you're in reaction and you're seeing red. You're like a bull. And for you to say, "I am the king of neutral." "I am the king of neutral." Or "I am the queen of patience." Or "I am a patient, loving woman." Just using words of affirmation will make a big difference.

• 20:44Lewis Howes?

  But not responding until you come and own that environment. Like using the mantra over and over and not saying anything until you're ready to talk, which I think would be a powerful next step.

• 20:55Chris Lee?

  Well, you definitely do not wanna speak to anybody when you're having a reaction.

• 20:59Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 21:00Chris Lee?

  And so by using affirmation, it will serve you. Another step would be to write down what you're feeling and then make a choice as to what you wanna feel. So I'm feeling sad, upset. I'm feeling I'm being taken advantage of.

• 21:18Chris Lee?

  But I'm the king of neutral. And so what I'm committed to feeling is peace and joy and love. And pretty soon your energy shifts because remember, what you think about in your mind expands. That's the nature of thought. Whatever you think about expands. And if you think that I'm being taken advantage of and people are trying to hurt me, you're just gonna, that's all you're gonna see.

• 21:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:38Chris Lee?

  And so when you choose to be neutral about something, you're choosing to access that inner wisdom, that inner power place to support you in working through the situation. So that you have a much more peaceful outcome. Remember, I've talked about this in another podcast here, that how people treat you is one thing and how you respond is yours. That's the law of life.

• 22:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:00Chris Lee?

  You have no control over other people, but you have total control of yourself. And part of what's causing me to have those triggers is the interpretation I'm having of it. I'm seeing it as good, as bad, as right, as wrong. And so I could see it in another way. I could see it all as an opportunity, as a blessing. You know, so what's the blessing? What's the gift in this? I think another thing that we do is we tend to make, when we accomplish something king and when we don't accomplish something, we're worthless. And I think that even in accomplishments, there are things that are missing. Even when you accomplish something, coming from neutrality in all situations will make a huge difference in your life.

• 22:44Chris Lee?

  Not just when you're being triggered, but just seeing life through neutrality.

• 22:48Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:48Chris Lee?

  So you landed the biggest contract of your life and you're so filled with yourself and you're so happy. But what can you learn about what worked? But also, what can you learn about what was missing or what didn't work?

• 23:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 23:08Lewis Howes?

  Some of the greatest athletes in the world are neutral when they win the biggest games. Except for maybe the last game. Like if you win the Super Bowl, then they finally like celebrate at a bigger.

• 23:18Chris Lee?

  And they let go.

• 23:19Lewis Howes?

  They let go, but every week, every game, you kind of see them this neutral pace, whether there's a bad loss or a big win. It's kind of just like, yep, we're on the track to like getting to where we want to be. And that kind of neutral energy, you always see the greatest quarterbacks have this like, nothing can faze them. There's nothing too big to celebrate and nothing too bad to get your head down on.

• 23:43Chris Lee?

  Well, if you look at me when I train you in a training room. You'll see me pretty much be neutral. Yeah. So like, people will scream at me and I'll be like, "So..." Yeah. "What's going on?" Yeah, if you give your energy away too much, you're not gonna have any left. Well, I have no way of impacting you or supporting you. And so, back to neutrality in your own life. So if you wanna be, I call it a Jedi master of neutrality, you're basically a Jedi master of stress. And so, when stress comes at you and you're being bombarded and you're like, "Ah!" You have no power. But if you access that vision for yourself, that neutral place, where you are completely at peace in the middle of the storm,

• 24:26Chris Lee?

  then you could guide whatever it is that you need to guide. Whether it's a relationship, or your children, you know, or, you know, business. And that affirmation, "I'm the king of neutral, I'm the queen of neutral," or any other affirmation that works for you, will make a difference. Identifying your triggers lets you know what are those potential situations that might take your power away. Why is it important to identify your... I'd make a list. Make a list of all your triggers. Whether it's situations or things that trigger you. For me, is being taken advantage of. Mm-hmm, me too. I don't like that. It pushes my buttons. Another button for me is feeling that I'm not getting back what I'm giving.

• 25:09Chris Lee?

  Like, I feel like I go out of my way and I bend over backwards for people and sometimes I feel like they don't respond and even say, "Thank you." Or they focus on what I didn't do for you. Like, "What have you done for me lately?" So there's different triggers for me. In a relationship, of course, being abandoned. In friendships, "Don't abandon me." In friendships, you know, those are triggers for me. And those are potential situations that will have me react. And so, by being aware of it, not only am I aware of it and I've journaled about it, I also gain power over it. And another thing that I recommend for people is to heal those triggers. The more work you do on yourself, healing your triggers,

• 25:50Chris Lee?

  healing the things that likely tend to have you respond or in a negative way, then it gets to a point where those triggers are no longer powerful. So those triggers, I have those triggers, but they don't have me. There was a time when those triggers had me.

• 26:05Lewis Howes?

  Owned you.

• 26:06Chris Lee?

  They owned me, like I had zero control over it. I was like a crazy person. You know, and I think that most people are like that. And so taking the time to heal those triggers will make a big difference.

• 26:17Lewis Howes?

  Love it.

• 26:18Chris Lee?

  You know, and how do you heal triggers? Meditation. Meditation is something that is absolutely the direct access to neutrality. Because when you're meditating, you're basically clearing your mind. And then what happens in neutrality? You enhance health, you enhance energy, you feel better.

• 26:38Lewis Howes?

  Awareness.

• 26:38Chris Lee?

  Power. Meditation's one way to heal triggers and to access neutrality. Also, journaling.

• 26:48Lewis Howes?

  I think also clearing with people, you know, clearing with people that maybe have been a part of certain triggers for a long time and having, making requests to people, clearing with them and how they made you feel, processing those things, talking about it, those all.

• 27:02Chris Lee?

  Sure, that also helps. Sometimes you could clear with people without even seeing them.

• 27:06Lewis Howes?

  Right, and just writing a letter to them.

• 27:08Chris Lee?

  Dear blank, you know, here's what I need to clear. Burn it up.

• 27:11Lewis Howes?

  Burn it up, exactly, and just let it go.

• 27:13Chris Lee?

  Another thing that will support is having a neutral accountability buddy. People that, you know, will support you. I have you, I have so many people in my life that, you know, when I'm not being my loving, neutral self, or when I'm giving my power away, I got people in my life that are there to remind me.

• 27:33Lewis Howes?

  I think people underestimate the power of having accountability. And that there's no way I'd be where I'm at without accountability in multiple areas of my life. You know, like you said, you've been accountable for me in a lot of areas that I've needed support with. But just having coaches in sports, I wouldn't have been able to do that in sports. Also, coaches in business. There's just no way I'd be able to achieve what I want right now without accountability. Consistently, it's really challenging for my health if I don't have a trainer. You know, I can be good for so long, but it's hard for me to consistently be good for a long time without constant accountability. So I think, like you said, it's a huge thing I think a lot of people miss out on is having that accountability. And we really should be setting ourselves up in all areas of our life, especially our triggers,

• 28:18Lewis Howes?

  for being accountable in that. So have someone, a friend of yours, a girlfriend, a spouse, whatever it may be, and say, I want you to hold me accountable. Every time you see me react, write me a note and give it to me that night.

• 28:31Chris Lee?

  Yeah, every time you see me that I'm losing my balance, that I'm, I have that face. You know how some of you have a face that you put on when you're not neutral?

• 28:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 28:40Chris Lee?

  There's the face, there's the, you know, you get tight, you get anxious, you know, or you'll say things that you shouldn't say, or you behave in a way that doesn't work. It's great to have, and I have people in my life that when they see me, the times I go there, because I'm human as well, and I have moments that I forget who I, you know, I forget my tools. And I forget what's neutral, you know, I forget it. And I've got people in my life to hold me accountable.

• 29:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 29:05Chris Lee?

  And because of those people, and of course, I'm committed because of the support, I'm able to continuously strive to be the best version of myself possible.

• 29:15Lewis Howes?

  That's great.

• 29:15Chris Lee?

  You know, and we get to be that for each other.

• 29:18Lewis Howes?

  What's the next point for staying neutral in a stressful?

• 29:22Chris Lee?

  The next point in staying neutral is really identifying it in other people.

• 29:28Lewis Howes?

  Identifying what?

• 29:29Chris Lee?

  The reactions in other people. So by seeing how people respond, you can see yourself reflected in them. Sometimes it's easier.

• 29:37Lewis Howes?

  For example, if you see me reacting to something and I'm freaking out about it.

• 29:41Chris Lee?

  Right, I'm seeing there a mirror of me. And I'm able to learn from that because I'm going, okay, well, I don't want to do that. I don't want to go there. And so by identifying people and their reaction, it says a lot for me, it does a lot for me. I'm able to learn from it.

• 29:58Lewis Howes?

  Being aware of it and saying, oh, I'm aware of someone reacting there and there, and being neutral in that awareness of just saying, okay. This is how it looks, this is how it's showing up, and I don't wanna be that way.

• 30:09Chris Lee?

  And here's how I could relate to it.

• 30:12Lewis Howes?

  Right. So I have compassion for.

• 30:15Chris Lee?

  So having, yeah, having compassion, and I would say that part of that is being aware of people's reactions has me learn a lot for myself, but also not judging.

• 30:26Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 30:27Chris Lee?

  Practicing not judging.

• 30:29Lewis Howes?

  It's hard.

• 30:30Chris Lee?

  You know, she's fat, skinny, ugly, tall, short, coming from neutral in your observations. That's a, that's a very challenging practice. Because not only do we judge, but we then share our judgments.

• 30:46Lewis Howes?

  We gossip.

• 30:46Chris Lee?

  Did you see her? Oh my God, she's so overweight. Or did you see him? You know, he's so angry all the time. You know, we, we put a lot of words out there. And so I would say that part of, of not judging and being aware of how people react and how people are is by choosing to use whatever thoughts and whatever energy you have in a constructive way and an accepting way. So practicing acceptance and practicing awareness of that.

• 31:16Lewis Howes?

  It's huge.

• 31:17Chris Lee?

  You know, because we tend to judge a lot.

• 31:20Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. Any other points for this? Is that the last point?

• 31:25Chris Lee?

  I think in a nutshell, I would say that neutrality is about practice. And so just.

• 31:29Lewis Howes?

  It's huge.

• 31:30Chris Lee?

  Don't beat yourself up if you react, if you find yourself falling off the wagon or if you have moments, you know, like this person I'm working with, she's like, you would not have been proud of me the other day because I lost all my neutrality and I wanted to eat alive the people around me. And I said to her, you know what? That's perfect. I think that there's nothing wrong with that. Don't judge yourself because you judged. Don't beat yourself up because you're not perfect.

• 31:56Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 31:56Chris Lee?

  And I think that it's a lifestyle and a practice. And it's something that's gonna require a lot of rigor, a lot of discipline and a commitment.

• 32:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 32:05Chris Lee?

  But if you wanna have your power and you wanna be effective in your relationships and effective in your businesses and effective as a human being and also live a longer life, because think about the reactions and when you're in stress, how that affects your blood pressure, how that affects your health. You're tense, your whole body's tense. Versus neutrality is really about being at ease. And the opposite of ease is dis-ease.

• 32:31Chris Lee?

  So neutrality is ease and stress is dis-ease.

• 32:35Lewis Howes?

  Reaction is dis-ease.

• 32:36Chris Lee?

  And reaction. So if you want to be healthy and you want to have a life that's peaceful, then it just takes being mindful of that.

• 32:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. So I would say an action step for anyone listening or watching would be for seven days to practice this while writing it down at the end of the day or writing the beginning of the day, the environment you want to create.

• 32:56Chris Lee?

  The environment you're committed to creating. And then at the end of the day, I would check in with what worked and what didn't work.

• 33:02Lewis Howes?

  Did I react? What did I react to?

• 33:04Chris Lee?

  Right. What were the triggers? Did I react? What situations set me off? And what can I learn from that? And then part of that, of course, is forgiving yourself so that you're not in judgment of yourself, practicing forgiveness of other people that we've talked about a lot. You know, forgiving yourself, forgiving others doesn't make it right, doesn't make it wrong. It simply allows you to keep your energy and to use that energy to create neutrality. And so journaling that, that's a great idea.

• 33:31Lewis Howes?

  Practicing it for seven days and then reflecting on what you learned and have someone keep you accountable as well.

• 33:37Chris Lee?

  And also, and also create a mantra for yourself.

• 33:40Lewis Howes?

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:41Chris Lee?

  Whether it's I'm the king of neutral and actually every time something happens that is triggering you, use that mantra. Also the accountability. Have people, let people know, out yourself. Hey, you know what? I need support with this and I want you to support me.

• 33:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And I think doing that with a partner or a friend for seven days will be really powerful. So make sure to send this to someone who you want to hold you accountable or that you want to hold accountable or just to try this with. Send this podcast to them and say, hey, let's try this for seven days, what Chris is talking about. And let us know what, what worked, what didn't work, your results. And keep it going, keep it going for 30 days if you can. Cause I think once you start really implementing this and being mindful and aware, like you said, every time you see yourself or someone else reacting, get to be mindful and say, how do I want to show up in that situation? I think it'll really benefit you for a long time.

• 34:34Chris Lee?

  Which is the value of noticing it in other people. Like if I'm watching TV and I'm watching a politician berating the world, or I'm watching, you know, somebody that's doing a mass shooting.

• 34:44Lewis Howes?

  Or a parent who's screaming at their kids.

• 34:46Chris Lee?

  Screaming at their kids in, in, you know, in a line at a grocery store. It really raises awareness versus just judge them. I don't want you to judge people when they're doing that. Just say, ask yourself, how am I like that? Or what part of me can go there? And what will it take for me to keep my calm and my peace?

• 35:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:03Chris Lee?

  Because the goal is to have a peaceful life.

• 35:05Lewis Howes?

  That's it, that's it. I love this. If you guys love this, let us know in the comments. At Lewis Howes on social media, at Chris Motiva Door.

• 35:14Chris Lee?

  Yes.

• 35:14Lewis Howes?

  On Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. Let us know the most powerful part of this for you. I want to ask one final question for you. You've been doing work for 30 plus years now, almost?

• 35:25Chris Lee?

  I know.

• 35:27Lewis Howes?

  30 years you've been in transformation, teaching this, leading workshops every weekend, all over the world.

• 35:32Chris Lee?

  With people all the time.

• 35:33Lewis Howes?

  You've worked with over 100,000 plus people in workshops, intimate, three to five day long workshops. And like you said, there's a lot of things you still work on, triggers that come up for you, you're a human being. But what's the greatest lesson you've learned in the last year about yourself that you were surprised about? Or that's been really powerful for you in moving forward? After all this work you've done?

• 35:55Chris Lee?

  I'm a work in progress. It surprises me every single time how I feel like I'm a beginner. And I hear people say, oh, 30 years and, you know, and I'm, and I'm known as an expert in what I do. But I'm always learning that there's more to learn. And that my ego, which is really the anti, anti neutrality, the ego which wants to be right and wants to look good and wants to be in control. Every time my ego kicks in, I realize how little I do know. In the world of spirituality and connection and, and information and transformation, there's so much to discover. And so my biggest lesson is that I'm a work in progress.

• 36:39Chris Lee?

  And that keeps it fresh for me and alive for me and new for me. And the other thing that I continue to learn is life happens for me.

• 36:52Chris Lee?

  Not to me. And I see everything in my life is happening for me. And I keep seeing that in such magical ways by working with people. How everything happens for a reason.

• 37:04Lewis Howes?

  Powerful. There's a quote from John Wooden, I'm gonna butcher it, but it's something along the lines of like, "Once you know it all, that's when the real learning begins."

• 37:12Chris Lee?

  Yes, I love that.

• 37:14Lewis Howes?

  I can't remember if that's exactly it, but it's like, "Once you feel like you've learned everything, that's when the real learning actually begins."

• 37:20Chris Lee?

  Something I say in my trainings, and I'll share this with everybody. There's what I know I know. There's what I know I don't know. And we pretty much hang out there.

• 37:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 37:31Chris Lee?

  We hang out and, "Well, I know, I know this. I know I know my name. I know I know how to drive. I know Lewis's last name. And I know I don't know quantum physics. I know I don't know how to pilot an airplane." But we hang out there, and those two places is only 10% of all knowledge. There's another 90% of what I don't know I don't know.

• 37:57Chris Lee?

  And what I don't know I don't know, your brain can't even catch it because, "How would I know if I didn't know it?" But that's where the magic happens. And so that's what inspires me, is discovering what I didn't even know, that I didn't even know. And that opens a whole world of possibilities.

• 38:14Lewis Howes?

  What do you think is the thing you get to master still that'll take you to another level?

• 38:19Chris Lee?

  The thing I need to master? Self-discipline. Because my mind is everywhere, and I wanna be everywhere, and I love everybody.

• 38:28Lewis Howes?

  Love everyone.

• 38:29Chris Lee?

  And I wanna support everybody in their dreams. And then sometimes I forget about myself. And so that's something that I gotta continuously master. And because I've mastered it, the level I've mastered it, I'm able to have the career that I have. But in the areas that I'm not mastering it, is where I need to really continuously work. Which is to say no, and to organize myself and stuff like that.

• 38:51Lewis Howes?

  So we need to get you a coach now.

• 38:52Chris Lee?

  I already have a coach.

• 38:53Lewis Howes?

  We're gonna get you multiple coaches.

• 38:55Chris Lee?

  I have coaches.

• 38:56Lewis Howes?

  That's good.

• 38:56Chris Lee?

  Yeah. I have coaches, just like you have coaches. I support people, and people support me. And I think coaching is what's gonna always get you to what you don't know you don't know.

• 39:07Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 39:07Chris Lee?

  Which is why I love coaching you.

• 39:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I love you coaching me.

• 39:10Chris Lee?

  Yeah, and I bring you to a place that you haven't been before.

• 39:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 39:13Chris Lee?

  Cause you don't need coaching on what you already know.

• 39:15Lewis Howes?

  Right, unless I forget it. Right. Unless I forget it. This has been powerful. I appreciate you. You're always amazing, powerful. I love you for being on here 14 times. It's the world record on the School of Greatness. This is a powerful topic, so thank you for your wisdom in making the complex simple like you always do. Everyone, make sure you guys go follow Chris Lee. You're the best. Thank you. Thank you.

• 39:45Lewis Howes?

  All right, my friends, you are now the Jedi Master of overcoming stress. I hope you enjoyed this episode with Chris Lee. If you did, tag me on Instagram right now. LewisHowes.com/646 is the link. Share it with a friend who you think could benefit from this wisdom as well. Needs practical strategies. Tag Chris Modivador as well to let him know that you enjoyed this. Check him out on Instagram and all the places online. And you can watch the full video interview back at the website. And also all the show notes and resources that we talked about at LewisHowes.com/646 as well. I loved this episode. Let me know what you thought about it. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

• 40:29Lewis Howes?

  Because you have the power to overcome any of these obstacles in your life once you know the tools and you master them. Again, if you enjoyed this episode, make sure to share with your friends. You have the power to control what is happening inside you. You don't have the power to control everything on the outside, but you do have the energy and the tools to reflect, be mindful, be aware, and respond in specific ways as opposed to reacting out of fear, anger, and stress. Use this information and apply it to your life to improve your life, to improve the lives of those around you. Be an example of inspiration. Be the example of what's possible in this world.

• 41:13Lewis Howes?

  Not be like everyone else who continues to be stressed out in these situations that cause them anxiety. You are the one. You are the example. Be the symbol of inspiration for your friends, your family, and the world. I love you. I believe in you. And you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.