3 Fears Holding You Back In Your Life w/ Ed Mylett EP 1409

https://lewishowes.com/mindset - Order a copy of my new book The Greatness Mindset today! Today I'm so excited to share an interview I recently did around my new book The Greatness Mindset that I felt was so powerful and I wanted to share it here on our School of Greatness feed. Make sure to check out the original episode linked in the description to follow their show and give them some love.https://www.edmylett.com/podcasts/Ed Mylett is a highly successful entrepreneur who has blended his unique experiences with a diverse set of practical strategies that have made him one of the most sought-after inspirational speakers in the world today. With a strong desire to help people, Ed began sharing his inspirational and performance strategies live and online. In four short years, he amassed more than two million Instagram followers, wrote a best-selling book, and launched a popular weekly podcast, The Ed Mylett Show. In this episode you will learn:How to overcome the fear of judgment and self-doubt. How to mend the broken parts of your personality and change your limiting patterns and beliefs. How to receive love. The truth about healing. For more, go to lewishowes.com/1409Ed Mylett's Develop a Superhuman Level of Self-Confidence and Re-Engage with your Imagination: https://link.chtbl.com/1274-podMel Robbins: The “Secret” Mindset Habit to Building Confidence and Overcoming Scarcity: https://link.chtbl.com/970-podJoel Osteen's Create Confidence & Abundance In All Areas Of Your Life: https://link.chtbl.com/1180-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  That's the thing that I had to learn how to heal. Why do I not feel enough? No matter what I accomplish, I still don't feel enough. Why am I never satisfied with me? And when we can learn the art of loving and accepting ourselves authentically for all of our flaws and all of our beauty, that's when we can start. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:44Ed Mylett?

  Welcome back, everybody. Today's gonna be awesome. I got a great friend here, someone I'm very, very proud of and very fond of. I have great affection for this man. I admire him, makes me emotional and I respect him. And I think probably in my life, the last five, six years, he may have, he's potentially grown more as a person than anybody that I know. And I loved him and thought he was amazing when I met him. And this is a guy in the pursuit of greatness. And it just so happens that he's got a new book out called The Greatness Mindset. Unlock the Power of Your Mind and Live Your Best Life Today. This man's immensely qualified to talk on this topic. Lewis Howes, welcome, brother.

• 1:26Lewis Howes?

  Thanks, Ed. Appreciate it, brother.

• 1:27Ed Mylett?

  Good to have you. I all know Lewis probably, but if you don't, just past 10 years with his podcast, he's already a New York Times bestselling author. And I'm grateful you wrote the book because you've been studying greatness up close enough for about a decade.

• 1:39Lewis Howes?

  I want people to know this about you.

• 1:42Lewis Howes?

  The serendipity and synchronicities that I think you bring to so many people's lives. There's tens of millions of people that watch and listen to you every week on multiple platforms. And because they watch and listen. Magic happens in their life. And I'm sure you hear it and see it and they send it a lot, but I don't know if everyone sends it enough. And so I want you, if you're watching or listening right now, if something happens today that is a serendipitous moment, is a synchronicity. Maybe you, when something happens in your life, you're always like, oh, I'm going in the right direction. Maybe it's like you see a penny, or you see a butterfly, or you see some symbol, or someone says something to you, or someone in your life calls you, and when that happens, something good happens.

• 2:25Lewis Howes?

  Like, pay attention today, when you're listening to this, this moment. And anytime you're watching or listening to Ed, and send him a message again, saying, there was a synchronicity because of you today. And when synchronicities happen, you need to listen, pay attention, and take action. And the moment, you met Martha, my girlfriend, I guess it was last week, a week and a half ago. And you met her in a moment of prayer, was the moment you met her. You literally are holding her hand, and you were like, nice to meet you. While we were praying for a friend of ours in this moment. I won't say what was happening, but one of our friends was going through a moment that needed a lot of support and prayer. And you grabbed her hands and you said, nice to meet you, I'm sorry it's happening in this moment.

• 3:08Lewis Howes?

  And later, after the event, we were like, wow. There was a synchronicity that happened before this, months ago. Because I was in Maui with Martha, and I was about to make a big decision. And I remember saying, who's a mentor I could check in on and ask about this? That's why I think it's really important to enlist support, and not try to do it all on your own. Like, find the mentors that you look up to, you're someone I really look up to, and I value your wisdom and your knowledge. And I was been planning to take a big investment for, I don't know, six months. I was thinking about this, researching it, planning it. And I go, and I'm with Martha, I go, I think I just need to call someone and like, double check. Someone who could give me some feedback on this.

• 3:51Lewis Howes?

  And I call you, and I'm like, kind of walking around by myself, like, in the grass, by the hotel room. And then, she comes up maybe like, five, 10 minutes later. And I'm gonna have it on speaker, so she can, I'm gonna listen to the end of the conversation. And you said something to me, you said, this is a divine intervention.

• 4:10Ed Mylett?

  That's right.

• 4:10Lewis Howes?

  That's what you said. You go, this is a divine intervention. You know, that you're calling me at this moment because something just came up. And if you called me two days ago.

• 4:20Ed Mylett?

  That's true.

• 4:21Lewis Howes?

  It wouldn't have happened.

• 4:21Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 4:22Lewis Howes?

  So this is divine intervention. And she's looking at me, she goes, because the night before, we said, she did a prayer. She said, God, guide our steps in this decision. Give us a sign. She literally said, I'm getting chills. She goes, give us a sign for Lewis to be clear that this is the right decision to make. Because for months, it felt like it was the right decision. And something was off. I was like, I don't know, like, maybe, maybe not. And she said, God, give us a clear sign that this is the right decision. And then the next morning, I call you. And you say, this is divine intervention. And I'm like, we're both kind of like, jumped back.

• 5:05Lewis Howes?

  And then, months later, you meet her in prayer. And I'm like getting chills thinking about this because there's just synchronicities that happen in life. And when they happen to you, pay attention. And so that's why, another reason why I'm so grateful for you, because you've brought, even though we've only hung out, I don't know, seven, eight times, maybe in five years, maybe a dozen times. And only, and I only had a handful of conversations. I truly value every interaction that I have. And there's always divine intervention every time I get to connect with you. So if you're listening or watching right now, please pay attention to the signs that are in your life. When Ed, when you're listening to this podcast, or watching a clip or our video, use it.

• 5:50Lewis Howes?

  Because not everyone's going to get a chance to speak to you the way I do. Not everyone has that opportunity, but they have the opportunity to hear your wisdom on this show. Pay attention to the divine intervention when you're listening to this show and any show that Ed Diver does. And make sure you are following the signs.

• 6:07Ed Mylett?

  Wow, brother. That is a beautiful story. Thank you for telling me.

• 6:10Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 6:11Ed Mylett?

  So good. I want to start somewhere interesting, which is the dedication of the book.

• 6:15Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 6:15Ed Mylett?

  You dedicated the book to you. But there's a reason, and I want you to share it, because I think this is the ultimate pursuit of greatness. Actually, you dedicated it to the younger you.

• 6:24Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 6:24Ed Mylett?

  Why?

• 6:26Lewis Howes?

  Uh, I think we criticize ourselves and our younger selves too much. I think we live in shame, beat up, and we don't forgive our younger selves for all the bad things, all the things that we did to hurt ourselves and hurt others. And so, over the last couple of years on my healing journey, I had a photo of my five-year-old self for about a year on my phone. And it wasn't to be narcissistic or anything like that. It was, you know, an emotional coach gave me an exercise and said, "You've still got some wounds you gotta heal. And I want you to go back and have a different relationship and create meaning from those painful memories in a supportive, loving, compassionate way towards your younger self." And so, I spent a year, kinda when I was writing this

• 7:09Lewis Howes?

  book, doing this healing journey of the different psychological phases of my life. Bringing it closer right now, I've got a photo of my seventeen-year-old self.

• 7:20Ed Mylett?

  Look at that.

• 7:21Lewis Howes?

  I don't know where the cameras is, maybe it's over there, but it's kinda like when I was seventeen in high school.

• 7:25Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 7:25Lewis Howes?

  Uh, and I'm going to St. Louis tomorrow to see our mutual friend, but I'm also going to my alma mater, my high school, where this photo was taken.

• 7:32Ed Mylett?

  Are you really?

• 7:33Lewis Howes?

  So, I'm on this journey of going back to all the painful memories, the things I'm proud of, and the things I'm not proud of, from, from as far back as I can until now. And I'm trying to marry those ages to now, to be peaceful, to be kind, and to be compassionate to myself. And also, take full accountability for all the different things that again, that I was proud of and not proud of. And so, I wanted to, I didn't know how this dedication would come off. I was like, "Ah, maybe people might take this the wrong way." But I wanted to honor my younger self for getting me through the pain, the problems, the challenges, and getting me here, without having all the tools,

• 8:15Lewis Howes?

  without having the wisdom, the experience, the knowledge, and by having to overcome so much. I wanted to honor my younger self.

• 8:22Ed Mylett?

  I think it's beautiful, and because I know you so well, I knew the intention of it, but I wanted to make sure my audience did too. Do you think, this is gonna get good real quick, because you're qualified to talk about this. So, you've done this work about healing the former you, and you've been open about the fact that there was some sexual abuse issues in your life, and you hid those for so long, and the freedom that it created for you by just expressing it and being vulnerable and authentic about it. How does someone nuance, I wanna, or do they have to? I gotta kind of create the right meaning from my past, same time not live there.

• 8:59Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 9:00Ed Mylett?

  And begin to live greatly now, that nuance. And you talk about these different stages actually in the book, but how does someone nuance that?

• 9:06Lewis Howes?

  I, I wanna recommend doing it on your own, I think have support. You know, whether that's a priest, or a counselor, or a friend who's qualified, or a therapist, or some type of coach that can support you. In holding the space when you have to go back and feel that pain. Because otherwise you might go in a downward spiral. If it was that painful and you don't know how to process it. So I've always used coaches to support me in processing in a safe space. Well, they'll give me exercises, journaling, reflection, whether I'm crying, or just opening up and whatever's coming up for me. And that allows me to have kind of a container where I can think about it, go back and feel it, and then move back into my life today. As opposed to living in that pain.

• 9:46Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 9:46Lewis Howes?

  Cause that doesn't serve us to stay in it constantly. Have a moment where experience it. Create new meaning and create a new story about how this can benefit your future. No matter how painful or traumatic it was. Not saying it was okay, or that you wanna experience it again. But to create meaning from those moments has been very powerful for me. And it's really caused me to be like, okay, those things had to happen for me to be where I'm at. And I wouldn't be living my destiny now, this path, this meaningful mission that I have now, with all, without all these collection of experiences that occurred. Just like I know everything that you went through, it's like you wouldn't be the powerful leader commanding a presence in any situation you go in.

• 10:29Lewis Howes?

  You wouldn't have the voice you have if you didn't, if you felt, if you didn't feel voiceless when you were younger.

• 10:34Ed Mylett?

  So true.

• 10:34Lewis Howes?

  Cause you had to overcome these things that caused you to be such a, a leader with such a force with every interaction you have. And I, and I hope everyone listening and watching gets to meet you one day because your presence around human beings, you care so much about humanity. And it's cause you went through stuff where you didn't feel like you were enough at different stages.

• 10:56Ed Mylett?

  Thank you for saying that, brother.

• 10:57Lewis Howes?

  Exactly, and that's, and I think those experiences for you caused you to have to overcome certain insecurities, overcome certain fears.

• 11:05Lewis Howes?

  And those things that made you feel powerless, you went all in on them and they became a superpower.

• 11:11Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 11:11Lewis Howes?

  Where now it's something you lead with.

• 11:13Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 11:13Lewis Howes?

  And you're courageous about. And so these are opportunities for us to reflect back on the things that made us feel powerless. That make us close our heart, to make us hold back our gifts. And then use these things that make us powerless into something powerful. So we can serve others and that's been the key.

• 11:30Ed Mylett?

  Man, I'm telling you, I'm sitting here watching you going, dude, this is gonna be groundbreaking work. Cause you're, if you have not met Lewis, he's a giant. He's a big man. He's a powerful man. He's a competitive man. And the complexity of who you become is so compelling to me. Because there's this gentleness and kindness and softness that I think's come from you to other people. From giving yourself that gift.

• 11:59Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 12:00Ed Mylett?

  I've watched you be a little kinder to yourself.

• 12:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 12:02Ed Mylett?

  Said something that really powerful man, just I wanna uh enlighten everybody on it. The container word you used.

• 12:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 12:09Ed Mylett?

  It's okay, I've dealt with it. I'm working on it. It's put in a container and I go back to my life. A lot of the things you have in here are about stories. And that we live our stories. And chapter three is the first thing I want to ask you about. Missing your meaningful mission.

• 12:22Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 12:22Ed Mylett?

  What causes someone to not know their mission and miss it? Is it they spend too much time in the former story? That they've taken meanings that don't serve them from the story? What causes somebody to do that?

• 12:32Lewis Howes?

  All of that and the fears that hold them back. And there's really three fears that I've identified, which is the fear of failure, the fear of success, and the fear of judgment. And when we can reflect on analyzing which one of these hold me back the most. And what is the root cause of me living in that fear? Then we can start to, again, mend the wounds and create meaning from those wounds. And then create a new meaningful mission moving forward. For a lot of my life. I don't know if you've ever been in this place. I was so driven to succeed because I didn't feel enough.

• 13:02Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 13:03Lewis Howes?

  And I thought by succeeding, achieving, getting awards, getting followers, making more money would fill the hole of not feeling enoughness. Not smart enough, not talented enough, not good looking enough, whatever it was. Is that something you've experienced in your past?

• 13:17Ed Mylett?

  One billion percent exactly the same, yes.

• 13:20Lewis Howes?

  And for me, I would get, I don't know about you, but when I would experience success in sports and then early in business, it's almost like 20 minutes after I accomplished a goal of 10 years I was chasing, I was angry.

• 13:33Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 13:33Lewis Howes?

  I don't know if you ever felt that way.

• 13:34Ed Mylett?

  Hundred percent.

• 13:35Lewis Howes?

  Angry and I was kind of like mad at everyone around me.

• 13:37Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 13:38Lewis Howes?

  Like when everyone's celebrating me, I was kind of like, get away from me.

• 13:41Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 13:42Lewis Howes?

  And I didn't understand it.

• 13:43Ed Mylett?

  Hmm.

• 13:44Lewis Howes?

  Until I started the healing journey about 10 years ago. So this is what happened for me.

• 13:48Ed Mylett?

  Good.

• 13:48Lewis Howes?

  I realized that my fear, when I started to dissect this, I was never afraid of failure. And I don't think you ever were either because you're an athlete. And athletes who go through the journey of multiple sports, which we both played multiple sports. We have coaches that say, hey, it's okay to fail, you know, just adjust it a little bit, adjust your shot, adjust your swing a little bit.

• 14:12Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 14:12Lewis Howes?

  You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss it.

• 14:13Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 14:14Lewis Howes?

  But here's how you adjust it.

• 14:15Ed Mylett?

  Hmm.

• 14:15Lewis Howes?

  It was always feedback, it was information.

• 14:18Ed Mylett?

  Hmm.

• 14:18Lewis Howes?

  So it wasn't like you suck and leave if you fail. We failed every day.

• 14:22Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 14:22Lewis Howes?

  And we knew that this was the process to success.

• 14:24Ed Mylett?

  I became familiar with failure.

• 14:26Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 14:26Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 14:27Lewis Howes?

  Then the greatest, uh, you know, baseball players in the world fail 70% of the time, right? It's like they're failing constantly, but we celebrate them for their, for their successes. And so I was never like ashamed to like miss a shot or fail because I knew it was just practice.

• 14:43Lewis Howes?

  And I always wanted success, so I wasn't afraid of success. I wanted success for the wrong reasons though, and that's why I was upset and angry when I would accomplish it. And I didn't feel like, I feel like I needed more.

• 14:54Ed Mylett?

  Me too.

• 14:54Lewis Howes?

  But I was like, I want to accomplish success, I'm excited about it, so I'm not afraid of it. But I was afraid of judgment, I was afraid of the opinions of other people. And I was afraid of what people would say in front of my face, behind my face, would they accept me, all these different things.

• 15:08Ed Mylett?

  Hmm.

• 15:09Lewis Howes?

  When I ask people in, in a big room, um, who's afraid of failure? Most people raise their hand and say, this is a fear of mine.

• 15:17Ed Mylett?

  Hmm.

• 15:17Lewis Howes?

  And that's why they don't launch their book or their podcast, or they don't start speaking on stage, or they don't start a new career, or ask the person out.

• 15:24Ed Mylett?

  Hmm.

• 15:24Lewis Howes?

  They're afraid to fail. And I ask people, okay, for everyone who's afraid of success, raise your hands. And almost equally amount of people raise their hand who are afraid of success. And I never understood it because I always wanted it. And over the last ten years, I started to ask why. There is a, there's a documentary called The Weight of Gold. Okay. I want people to watch this at some point because it's about Olympic gold medalists who go depressed, commit suicide, have overdoses, within like six months or a year after they win the gold. If we do not prepare ourselves for success, it could cripple us. And the pressure of, okay, now friends and family want more from you.

• 16:06Lewis Howes?

  I know you are extremely wealthy and you've had to deal with probably lots of people asking for things all the time. Can you give me money? Can you help me with this? Can you do this for me? And in some ways, it's a great privilege to be generous and supportive to people, but when it feels inauthentic, you feel like people are taking advantage of you. And so that pressure of success is real and people don't want that responsibility. They're afraid of that pressure leaning into it. I always wanted it. Um, but when I started to accomplish, I started to notice, oh, yeah, I don't like some of these things that come with it as well. So I have to learn how to manage it. But it was the fear of judgment which always crippled me. So I was extremely self-critical of everything. Even when I broke the world record, even when I was a two-sport All-American, even when I played the USA handball team,

• 16:50Lewis Howes?

  even when I hit my first million dollars after I was broke, I was so self-critical because at the root cause of all three of these fears is I am not enough. Gosh. And the I am not enough-ness will destroy us. It will hold us back from our truest gifts, from expressing our love, from being generous, from being open. And that's the thing that I had to learn how to heal. Why do I not feel enough? No matter what I accomplish, I still don't feel enough. Why am I never satisfied with me? It was never about the accomplishments. It was always back to the root of me. I don't feel enough. I don't feel lovable is what it really is. And I need to accomplish more in order for others to love and accept me.

• 17:35Lewis Howes?

  But really, at the end of the day, I did not love and accept myself. And when we can learn the art of loving and accepting ourselves authentically, for all of our flaws and all of our beauty, that's when we can start stepping into true greatness. Louis, I feel like you just described me. Really? Yeah.

• 17:56Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, yeah, you know, um, bro. Wow. Tell me, tell me more. Well, uh, I don't even know that I have fixed that yet. I'm not sure. I think I've made progress on it, but this notion of, cause what you just said, fear of failure, nah, not too much. No. And people say I'm afraid to succeed. I've always thought, and there's, it's just people are different on their experience. Like, why would you be afraid of success? I know. But fear of judgment, holy smokes. I almost feel like you've created a new category that maybe if people really analyze it, a lot of us fit into that one. Yes. If you have a fear of failure, is it the failure you're afraid of or the judgment that would come with the failure? Mm-hmm. And so when I looked at category three, I'm reading the book the other night, cause you gave it to me maybe a week ago or two weeks ago.

• 18:39Ed Mylett?

  I'm like, oh, man, fear of failure, it's like this old school's fear of success, yeah, fear of judgment, oh, boy, he's on to something right here. And it is exactly what you just said. I am not enough. I'm not, and if you go even a little bit deeper, it's what you said. I had our mutual friend that you introduced me to, Leanne Rimes, on my show. And I finally said during the interview, you know what my issue is? I can give love to people. I don't allow myself to feel loved. Right. And she said the same thing. And it's weird for two big dudes that are accomplished, you know, two guys sitting here to share this. But I think it's powerful that we are. I'm still not sure, right now, that that's not something that needs more exploration for me. That I'm still, and I wonder it with you two. Yeah.

• 19:20Ed Mylett?

  Is there a little bit, maybe it's, maybe I've made progress and it's reduced, but there are a lot of moments, if I'm being real, where I should be experiencing more joy than I do from something. I should be experiencing more love than I allow myself to experience. And it's pretty obvious to me that that's probably because my dad was an alcoholic and I probably lacked a little bit of that and all that anxiety. But you are on to something so huge here, which is the next thing you have in there, which is the dream killer, which is called self doubt. Yeah. I feel like judgment and self doubt are sort of related somehow. Yeah. Do you?

• 19:53Lewis Howes?

  I think self doubt is the killer of all dreams and and that's why I love you and your message because you instill so much belief in people you you give people belief by your presence by just your way of being it's so powerful and and I think the whole game is learning how to believe in ourselves that is the game of life I think it's what allows you to accomplish any goal you want the more belief you have and I love your definition of you know self esteem and self belief this concept is really being your word you know you've heard you say this a lot of times like when you can live to your word and be that and honor it or take responsibility when you're not with your word

• 20:34Lewis Howes?

  and take responsibility for that as well you start to become more believable to yourself and others believe you as well you've become a credible person to yourself and others and that attracts more things so self doubt for me is the is the killer of dreams and I think I wanted to ask you another thing to follow up on that

• 20:52Ed Mylett?

  the interview in your always comes out

• 20:54Lewis Howes?

  well I'm just curious because I wanted to ask you about do you worry more about the judgments of other people or do you worry more about the judgments of yourself about you

• 21:03Ed Mylett?

  I think it's moved from other people to me and I think that was probably the cause the whole time so it was easy for me to worry about what are they gonna say what are they gonna believe what if I fail here

• 21:16Ed Mylett?

  opinions of others but I feel like that's more the symptom if I'm being I'm just answering you right now on the moment on the fly I think the disease is me not believing I'm worthy of it I was talking to a mutual friend of ours that you're about to go see and we were both describing to each other today he's a very successful guy that I still have a lot of imposter syndrome at 50 years old and and this dude has no reason to have any either and he has it and I think even sometimes I see this in you now part of me thinks that's driven me to do extra work and prepare more and that might work when you're starting but it's a painful way to live your life

• 21:53Lewis Howes?

  exhausting later

• 21:54Ed Mylett?

  it's exhausting I mean I'm so glad you're saying that because don't you feel that way that if I don't and I would like you to unpack that thing you I want to go back a little bit and stay there for a minute this idea of working on healing oneself and loving oneself

• 22:08Ed Mylett?

  Man, everybody, listen to me. I know leveraging the dark side is a common thing, and it does work, and you should do it, and there's a great space for it for a while.

• 22:18Lewis Howes?

  For a while.

• 22:18Ed Mylett?

  But if it's the only thing that moves you, don't you agree? It's just eventually miserable.

• 22:24Lewis Howes?

  It's exhausting after a while.

• 22:25Ed Mylett?

  It's exhausting, right?

• 22:26Lewis Howes?

  And I think, and I think, you know, we all have our own hero's journey to fall on that dark side, you know, early to push us. It's a driver to overcome something, right? But I think we've got to learn how to mend and heal at some point. Otherwise, it's going to constantly be exhausting and feel I'm not enough, or this is... I'm always fighting something.

• 22:44Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 22:44Lewis Howes?

  I'm always trying to fight, and that was most of my life was a fight. Everything was a fight.

• 22:48Ed Mylett?

  Me too.

• 22:49Lewis Howes?

  Relationship, competition, sports, business, it's all like a fight.

• 22:53Ed Mylett?

  Fight.

• 22:53Lewis Howes?

  And it's exhausting.

• 22:54Ed Mylett?

  But you end up not winning.

• 22:56Lewis Howes?

  Never.

• 22:56Ed Mylett?

  Never.

• 22:57Lewis Howes?

  And the people around you don't win either, so it's a lose-lose battle. And there might feel like there's certain moments of success, but it's a lose-lose. And so, my emotional coach, I started this journey two years ago with her, and I've been healing, doing different healing modalities for 10 years. 10 years ago, I opened up about sexual abuse for the first time. It was about four months after I launched my podcast, right? So it's almost been 10 years since I started talking about that process. And I thought, man, okay, that took about two years to go through a process of healing that and talking about it in a, in a, in a safe environment, where I felt like I can speak about this, and it no longer triggers me, or affects me, or has power over me. Like, I healed that memory and that wound.

• 23:43Lewis Howes?

  Now, it didn't mean I, but what I didn't, and I thought I was good. Because I was like, okay, this is the main wound, but there's other stuff that I wasn't facing. And that's why I kept repeating patterns in relationships and intimacy, and thinking, oh, I, I thought I healed this. But healing is not a one-time event. Healing is a journey, and it's a constant process. You're in progress, right? You're, you're better than you were before.

• 24:07Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 24:08Lewis Howes?

  And I feel like I'm going to be healing for the rest of my life.

• 24:10Ed Mylett?

  Me too.

• 24:11Lewis Howes?

  And constantly holding myself accountable. Because, as you know, I'm sure things get you triggered from time to time. You feel like, oh, this person did this, and I don't like it, and there's a reaction. I think that's our normal competitive edge, where it's like, I'm going to come back, I'm going to come at you.

• 24:25Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 24:26Lewis Howes?

  And that energy will fuel us to get results, but will not fuel us to get fulfillment. And so I've learned how to manage that energy and I still get triggered and reactive and all these things. I'm not like this perfect human. But I do emotional coaching every two weeks to get me back to a place of peace. So it just helps me integrate the lessons I'm learning, reflect on, oh, I went back into that place of pain. Let me keep integrating and keep healing and just the more I practice it like anything, the better it gets.

• 24:56Ed Mylett?

  It's so apparent because you give off an energy now that's really loving and kind. Like Louis does this thing when he hugs you. First off, he just swallows you up because he's massive. But he does this thing where he holds you a little bit longer than might be comfortable for you initially. And then you're like, this actually feels really good.

• 25:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, well, some people don't like it, but I also.

• 25:16Ed Mylett?

  No, I know exactly why you do it and you're a hundred percent right. If we're just talking as brothers here, you can fix, you can think you've healed something. But if you haven't changed the patterns in which you live your life, like for example, when my dad got sober, he fixed the issue with drinking alcohol. But he still had the, what they call like the alcoholic's personality.

• 25:36Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 25:36Ed Mylett?

  Right? Very obsessive, went to anger quickly.

• 25:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 25:39Ed Mylett?

  You know, would, would remove himself emotionally from situations, didn't listen, didn't pay attention very well. So the pattern stayed the same.

• 25:48Lewis Howes?

  He wasn't doing the drinking, but he was still the personality.

• 25:50Ed Mylett?

  That's exactly right. And I think that's an evaluation for everybody. And by the way, I think Louis and I would both tell you, there's a place to leverage a dark side. Hundred percent. A light that's just light all the time. Sometimes a little bit of the dark side makes the light side even brighter. But we're both telling you, you get to another side of this stuff and you have to bring you with you eventually.

• 26:08Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. And our mutual friend, Dr. Joe Dispenza says your personality becomes your personal reality.

• 26:15Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 26:16Lewis Howes?

  And so if you haven't, again, mended your personality that is fractured and causes you to be triggered or reactive or angry or lash out or close down or hold your heart back, then you're going to keep bringing that personal reality into your life. And so we've got to mend the, the things that caused us to have a certain personality that doesn't serve us or the people around us.

• 26:37Ed Mylett?

  So good.

• 26:38Lewis Howes?

  And I wanted to talk about success versus greatness because most of my life, I just wanted to be successful. And I was like, achieve, achieve, set a big goal, spend ten years and do whatever it takes to make it happen. And this what caused me to be angry after I would accomplish it. And so I just set bigger goals and I was like, okay, I'm still not enough, but I gotta make bigger goals. And what I realized is that I had success all wrong. I thought I wanted success, but what I really wanted was greatness because success alone is selfish in my mind at this stage. And maybe, maybe I'm off, but this is my thoughts.

• 27:12Ed Mylett?

  You're not off at all.

• 27:13Lewis Howes?

  Success by itself is selfish because it's about my goals and my dreams. Greatness is about including my goals and dreams in the service of those around me. Using them to impact my friends, family or communities in a positive way as well, so that they are elevated also. So it's including your goals, dreams and success, but also making it about others winning with you. For me, that's greatness versus success.

• 27:40Ed Mylett?

  Oh my gosh. Oh, we were at a thing recently with a group of people and it ended up, you had to leave and so we all sort of poured some.

• 27:46Lewis Howes?

  So bummed I missed because I wanted to, I wanted to hear your, your message. I know.

• 27:50Ed Mylett?

  It was good, but um, we were all talking about after you left, the wisdom. This is interesting conversation, everybody, for me, because a lot of these, there's a few people in this world that like, I don't know. They're my friends, but also I look at them almost like my sons because I know the impact they can make in the world and you're one of them. Like, I'm so excited about the impact. This distinction that you just described on my show, no one has ever said to me in my life, the difference between success and greatness. And the, the picture you just painted is some of the most, is one of the most profound things anyone's ever said to me in my freaking life.

• 28:23Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 28:24Ed Mylett?

  Because I produced a lot of success in my life and it wasn't until I got much later in my life and I didn't know how to define it, you just did. It's not what I wanted. I wanted greatness. And the more I moved towards what you've described as greatness, my fulfillment level, my peace. And ironically, the things that I thought I wanted success wise, expanded exponentially.

• 28:45Lewis Howes?

  You made more money.

• 28:46Ed Mylett?

  Way more, way more. I wish someone would have told me this when I was young and I'm so grateful that people are, are hearing this from you. There's just a part of me that's just very proud of you. Because I'm seeing, I know this work and the difference that it could make. It's almost like it's elevating the conversation to a place it's not been and that's why I'm so excited about what you're doing.

• 29:05Lewis Howes?

  I appreciate that. Before you go into the next thing, I wanted to. You know, you're someone, I think we met with five years ago, six years ago. I remember hearing about you six months before I met you. Because, because I was at my friend's wedding on the lake that you have a house.

• 29:21Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 29:21Lewis Howes?

  And I go, whose house is that? Because it's like literally right across from his, it was yours. And it's like, I was like, this is epic. And he goes, this guy, Ed Milat. I go, who? And he goes, I think he's kind of like in your space. Like, you know, he's this entrepreneur speaker, this guy. Uh, I mean, in a whole nother league than me, but yes, in the same field. And I go, I've never heard of this guy. Never heard of Ed Milat.

• 29:45Ed Mylett?

  That was right when I was becoming a public person.

• 29:46Lewis Howes?

  And I felt like I knew everyone in this space, or knew of. Like, I'm pretty in tune to like who's putting out content and what's happening in the space. So I was like, I don't know who this guy is. And I think, you know, if I'm reflecting on it, it sounds like you were driven by success before that moment. And then you started to have a transition period. And I think you told me, you know, you were speaking with Tony and other people that were like, hey, it's time to really give back and serve and put yourself out there as a public voice. And that sounds like when everything even went further for you. Because you said, I'm here to serve as well. And not that you weren't serving before, but you used your voice more.

• 30:21Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, I didn't, I didn't want to be a public person. I didn't want to inconvenience myself. And that's when he called me out on it. And the more I began to realize that if I thought I was inconveniencing myself in the service of others, now I'm stepping towards greatness.

• 30:33Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 30:33Ed Mylett?

  And you just described it. And then that's when you and I have become, you know, such, such dear friends. And one of the ways to unpack it, I'm telling you guys, this isn't just like a Pollyanna like self-love book. There's stuff in here that is profound. And so one of the things you talk about to heal your past, to evaluate this judgment, fear of judgment. This is powerful because the quality of our life is the quality of the questions we're asking ourselves. And we have a pattern of asking ourselves the same unconscious questions all the time. And these questions you're internally asking yourself are usually about the judgment or your fears. You say on chapter 12, ask courageous questions. This is huge right here. Because we don't ever think about the questions we ask ourselves.

• 31:14Ed Mylett?

  We just sort of autopilot through our lives, same thinking, same stuff. But it starts to me oftentimes with the questions we ask ourselves.

• 31:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, absolutely. And I think we, um...

• 31:26Lewis Howes?

  We get comfortable, we get safe, and it's hard to be courageous in our conversations with others and with ourselves. And one question that I reflect on a lot, and I know you think about this too, is what is the action I can do today that my future self would be really grateful for? You know, what is the conversation I can do today to, that is gonna be really painful, but on the other side, there's gonna be, the other side, there's gonna be a lot of growth, and it's getting me closer to my dreams. What is the, you know, the things that I haven't risked enough that I've been resisting, that if I just lean into it, I'm gonna have freedom on the other side? And I think a lot of us want peace, clarity, and freedom, yet most of us don't have any of it. I didn't have it for a long time. I really didn't have peace, clarity, and freedom until two years ago.

• 32:12Lewis Howes?

  And I started this emotional coaching. In the first session, she said, "What is your intention with our coaching?" I said, "Peace, freedom, and clarity." I've got a lot of results, I've got a business, I've got success, but I don't have those things. So am I truly great if I can't feel peaceful? If I can't feel clear? If I can't feel like a free man? Am I really great? No matter what I'm creating, no matter how many people I'm helping, I still don't feel like I have those things. So, the question for me was, what's it gonna take for me to feel them? What do I need to do? What's been holding me back from it? And really, how have I been abandoning myself?

• 32:53Lewis Howes?

  Where it causes me to feel trapped, not free, and not clear? And that was the start of the journey of creating peace, freedom, and clarity. What do you mean by abandoning yourself? See, I was really good in sports, business, with my team and things like this. I would create boundaries. And I wouldn't abandon myself. But when it came to intimacy and relationships, I would give in to create peace, because I lacked courage to say exactly what I wanted or what I needed. So I did this multiple times where... And I don't blame any of the previous partners I had. I wished them all well. I chose poorly.

• 33:35Lewis Howes?

  And I chose, and I stayed out of fear when I knew I should have left certain relationships. So it's all my responsibility. But I lacked the courage to sit in a conversation with a previous partner when they were screaming at me. I lacked the courage to say, hey, this doesn't work for me. Hey, you can't do that. You can't scream at me. That doesn't work for me. That's not part of my values. And so I would allow it to happen. And in fact, I would say, what can I do to, what can I do? How can I end this pain right now? You need to do this. You need to do this. Okay, I'll do it, even though it's not my value. I'll do it to make you happy and buy peace. But we cannot buy peace. We must be peace. So I was not being peaceful and creating the boundary.

• 34:20Lewis Howes?

  I was abandoning myself to please another. And discounting all my values and my self-worth for one human being. And again, I don't blame anyone else. This was me choosing the relationship and then choosing to stay in relationships because I had this athlete mentality. Like, I'm gonna make it work. I'm gonna do whatever it takes. I'm not, I'm gonna sacrifice everything to make you happy. And I was making myself miserable in the process and then just unconsciously repeating this time and time again in relationships. So again, I had yet to heal the wound. That's why I had a photo of my five-year-old self and went back and said, where's the meaning I need to make? So that I can create a boundary in my life. As opposed to give in, give in, give in to please one human being.

• 35:05Lewis Howes?

  Because pleasing one human being and the effort of discounting your entire mission is doing a disservice to yourself, to your creator and to humanity. And that's what I was doing over and over again. So my energy was low and I was trying to create from a low-energy space. As opposed to, hey, this doesn't work for me. Let's create alignment. Let's create agreements. And move forward. And when I started to do that in a previous relationship, they didn't want that alignment, that vision, those agreements. They wanted to be able to express how they wanted to express, which is fine with them. But that's not who I am.

• 35:40Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 35:41Lewis Howes?

  So I had to remove myself from that relationship and start really mending and healing and saying, okay, that's why with Martha, it's been a beautiful experience and you got to meet her.

• 35:50Ed Mylett?

  She's amazing.

• 35:50Lewis Howes?

  Because from the beginning, I was like, this is my values. This is my vision. This is my lifestyle. This is what I will do. This is what I won't do. And I've been able to courageously stay in that space. And just say, you know, she hasn't tried to cross boundaries or anything, but I've been able to say what I want and live by those values. And it creates peace, freedom and clarity when I live up to that standard.

• 36:16Ed Mylett?

  Oh, boy. These last five minutes, boy, that's like rewind that one, listen to it again. There's everybody driving their car going, oh, my gosh. I can relate to that. Holy smokes. This is gonna get real deep between you and me, but people get to listen to it, okay?

• 36:29Lewis Howes?

  Bring it.

• 36:29Ed Mylett?

  You don't know I was going here today. So you've made a lot of, you use the word progress, so I'll say that word. Towards healing, towards greatness. And part of that is a spiritual journey. And one of the things that, I'm gonna say it the way I believe it about you, and you can correct me if I'm wrong. You haven't figured out yet completely spiritually what you align with yet. You're pursuing it would be my, my description of it. And if I'm wrong, you correct me. But the reason I ask you that question, you didn't know we were gonna go there today, is that I think everyone thinks they have to have every single element of their life figured out before they can experience some measure of peace. And I've watched you, you've had people from different religious backgrounds on. You go to one of my dear friends, Erwin McManus's church intermittently.

• 37:14Ed Mylett?

  You go there, and I'm not here to talk about what you believe. But I want you to speak to the fact that part of greatness is, what you just said is so profound. Sadhguru probably said that on your show, and he did to me too, that we just need to be peace. We don't have to chase it. He said that to me about chasing happiness. He said, Ed, we don't have to chase it. We have to be it. We can access that at any time that we want. And so, but I want to ask you about that for a minute, that this notion of greatness is progress. Greatness is a journey that you don't have to have. I think sometimes people listen to me or others like they got it all figured out. I really hope I don't sound like that because I don't have it all figured out. And I don't know that I want to have it all figured out.

• 37:58Ed Mylett?

  I have other breaths in my body because of the exploration, the expansion of my being, the expansion of my understanding, the expansion of my deep seated beliefs in my life. So you're sort of in that journey too right now. Is that fair to say as a friend?

• 38:15Lewis Howes?

  Hundred percent. Yeah. I mean, I believe in a God. I believe there was a creator that created me in a, in a beautiful image and likeness of love.

• 38:23Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 38:24Lewis Howes?

  And the goal is how do I stay in the frequency of love as frequently as possible?

• 38:31Lewis Howes?

  And that's been what I've been constantly focusing on. And I think when you experience pain or suffering or just challenges mentally and emotionally, we question things. You know, why am I feeling this? What's wrong with me? What, why would God do this to me? Or whatever it is. And so my whole journey has been asking questions, being curious about life and why I'm here. And I think a lot of us want to know why we're here.

• 38:56Ed Mylett?

  I think all of us want to know why we're here.

• 38:59Lewis Howes?

  And, um, and my goal really in the last two years is, is understanding that I am love. I am a beautiful light and I am here to serve the creator of love.

• 39:14Ed Mylett?

  I love it.

• 39:15Lewis Howes?

  And to stay in that frequency as often as possible. And I'm constantly curious about lots of people of lots of different beliefs and faiths because I feel like everyone has a different perspective. So I'm always going to have a curious mind about that and know that, um, you know, I've got, it's funny because I've got a Catholic symbol on my chest that my girlfriend gave me and I've got a Christian Science symbol, which is the religion I grew up in, which the whole-

• 39:41Ed Mylett?

  He's wearing them right now.

• 39:42Lewis Howes?

  Which the whole symbol is how to heal yourself. That's the whole premise of Christian Science, which for those asking, it's different than Scientology. Different concept, but it's about healing yourself.

• 39:56Lewis Howes?

  And I don't prescribe to either religion, you know, I don't prescribe to Mosaic necessarily as like this is my faith, but I love messages and messengers who speak about love.

• 40:09Ed Mylett?

  And I love that you're in the greatness pursuit of it.

• 40:13Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 40:13Ed Mylett?

  For me in my life, my faith has been my source of peace.

• 40:18Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 40:18Ed Mylett?

  Has been my source of love.

• 40:22Ed Mylett?

  And I'm proud of you for having the courage to experience it and you're going to land where you land at some point. But I want everybody to know that a lot of this work that you're all doing, this is, I'm going to be honest. Is is leading to the ultimate question of all of these courageous questions with who am I?

• 40:41Lewis Howes?

  Who am I? Why am I here?

• 40:42Ed Mylett?

  Why am I here? And for me, the fact that at least in my life at my age, I I feel like that question for me has been answered in my faith. And for me, that's my salvation in the sense that for me is a personal relationship we have with God. It's a personal decision. It's a personal acceptance or surrender. But for me, you know, I'm very much an energy guy. I'm very much a vibrational frequency guy. I love the quantum field. But to deny the existence of that to me would be to deny principles of the universe that would be like to deny gravity. Just in my case, there's a creator and that creator, as you know, is a Christian is Jesus, but that answer for me, that the underlying question

• 41:23Ed Mylett?

  of the greatness mindset is who am I and why am I here?

• 41:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 41:28Ed Mylett?

  And I'm proud of you because I've watched this profound. When I say you've made a transformation, it makes it sound like you really needed your you were already a remarkable human being when I met you.

• 41:39Lewis Howes?

  Thank you.

• 41:39Ed Mylett?

  To see someone who's already so remarkable be so addicted to the expansion of their being and the understanding of their being and to be in the presence of someone who's doing that. And I think it's okay in life not to have every answer figured out. But to be curious in the pursuit of it is such a great way to live your life. And I would just encourage all of you in your way. You know, the answers I've come to, I'm, I'm, I'm, uh, you know, very public about that. But to go find those answers in your life because it's, it's the ultimate answer. And it's the ultimate question.

• 42:13Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely. And I feel like, you know, 10 years ago, I found healing in certain areas. And right now I feel like I've got more healing and, and more awareness based on mistakes and experience and time and lessons. And I'm sure in 10 years, you know, when I have kids and married and family, there's going to be new lessons to learn and new healing.

• 42:31Ed Mylett?

  There are.

• 42:32Lewis Howes?

  And so that's, you know, I'm excited about the journey.

• 42:35Ed Mylett?

  It's our, and you ask questions, you guys just know, so you know, Louis is like so curious. He's always asking me questions about being a dad and, and being a husband and he's not one yet and he's already preparing because he asks those courageous questions all the time. He's wanting to learn. Just, I don't know why I'm getting emotional being with you because I'm just so proud of you and.

• 42:52Lewis Howes?

  Thank you.

• 42:52Ed Mylett?

  And I also just believe that as you're on this journey, like there's an ultimate place you're going to land and I, I can't wait for that for you, wherever that is. But I want to ask you a tough, another tough question.

• 43:02Lewis Howes?

  Bring it.

• 43:03Ed Mylett?

  There's this notion of self-love. Yet, how does one dance with, I love myself when I'm enough. But yet at the same time, people would say, but wait a second, you're overeating and you're out of shape. Or you're not making the contacts in your business you should, or you're not living in your relationship the way that you should. So it's great that you love yourself and accept yourself, but there's a bunch of stuff you're doing right now. That's really.

• 43:30Lewis Howes?

  That's out of alignment.

• 43:30Ed Mylett?

  It's out of alignment.

• 43:31Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 43:31Ed Mylett?

  So how do you nuance that?

• 43:33Lewis Howes?

  When we get clear on our meaningful mission, which I think is like the foundation of all of this. We can start to ask ourselves every day, did I make the decisions today? And that I lived the behaviors today that served the meaningful mission or not? And it's just a barometer to see if we're on the right path.

• 43:52Lewis Howes?

  You know, I've been, I've made a ton of mistakes in my life and I've, and I, and some things I've done great and other things I haven't done great. And for me, it's just like, okay, I know that, notice the feeling. It doesn't feel right inside of me. So if I keep doing this, I'm going to get feedback in my life that support the things that I'm out of alignment with. I'm going to have breakdowns, problems, health challenges, palpitations, whatever it is. That our feedback, that something is not in full alignment of the meaningful mission. That's why I think we gotta get clear in one sentence. What is the meaningful mission of our life in this season of life? Okay. And some people listening or watching might be in a season of, I'm broke, just trying to get a job and figure out my life right now. Cool. I had that season on my sister's couch where I just wanted to make money to get off the couch and make my own apart, have my own apartment.

• 44:37Lewis Howes?

  That was my whole life mission. Cause I couldn't think beyond it. Mm-hmm. But if you're in a transition or a season of wanting to re-explore your life and maybe transition from a relationship or career or business. Like there were a lot of people this last weekend who were kind of in transition. Mm-hmm. That weren't clear. Yes. They didn't know what their mission was. And you watched it just as I did. If you're not clear on a mission, you're, it's, it's, it doesn't matter how much money or success you have or how comfortable your life is, you feel unfulfilled. That's right. And so when, in my one sentence mission, meaningful mission is to serve and impact a hundred million lives weekly to help them improve the quality of their life. Perfect. It's, it's, it's clear for me what I'm trying to do. Hmm.

• 45:21Lewis Howes?

  Now, there's certain mechanisms, mechanisms I could take that could support that mission, that cause. And I lean into my talents and my superpowers that support it the best way that I know. Hmm. And so that I make decisions on a daily basis and I reflect the end of the night and say, did I act in accordance of serving the mission appropriately? Very good. If I didn't, which I haven't many times in the past. Sure, me too. I feel something's off. I don't sleep that well that night. I ruminate about it. Uh, you know, I've had conversations with you privately about like, huh, you know, I was out of integrity here. And, and, and you get feedback in life. Mm-hmm. It's just the laws of physics. You do something out of integrity, it's gonna come back and hurt you personally or around you. It's gonna hurt you at some point in time.

• 46:06Lewis Howes?

  It's gonna affect you. It's gonna stay with you until you clear that energy of space. Yes. Until you own it and take full responsibility. Until you mend it and heal and whatever you gotta do in that process. And so I reflect and say, did I do everything today? On my calendar and in my schedule, which I, which you're a big schedule guy, I know you do three days in one day. And in calendar and schedules for me, am I taking the actions that will serve the meaningful mission? And is it clear this is the best decision I can make today?

• 46:36Ed Mylett?

  Is the meaningful mission something that you saw as a through line with a lot of people in the school of greatness?

• 46:41Lewis Howes?

  Hundred percent.

• 46:41Ed Mylett?

  That's one of the through lines.

• 46:42Lewis Howes?

  Hundred percent, they were very clear on their vision. I call it a meaningful mission because it includes the service of others.

• 46:48Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 46:49Lewis Howes?

  I think people were clear on their vision of their goals and dreams. And a lot of them included others, but not everyone.

• 46:54Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 46:55Lewis Howes?

  And so there's world champions that fell from grace because they weren't including others and so they didn't stay at top, on the top. The ones that stay on top impact the people around them in a positive way, they bring them up and they stay up there. And so for me, it's about being so clear on that, so that you're guided by that. Now, it doesn't mean, now I'll give an example.

• 47:15Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 47:15Lewis Howes?

  I also had a mission to be an Olympian. And for eight years, I represented the USA national team for a sport called team handball. They just had the world championships in Denmark this last week. And I wasn't there and I haven't played in two years. But for eight years, I played in the Pan American championships twice. I traveled to Israel, played against the national team there. I've traveled to the UK, Spain, played professionally for a while. Brazil, Argentina, Uruguay, Mexico, Canada. I traveled the world and played against Olympians. But even though my dream didn't come true of that mission, the experience was a dream come true.

• 47:57Lewis Howes?

  The lessons I learned, the people I met, the moments I have, standing there with USA against my chest, holding my heart and singing the national anthem before international competition are memories that I will cherish forever. I'm getting chills thinking about it because those were dreams of mine to represent my country and play an Olympic sport and have a chance to go to the Olympics. And I did not accomplish the goal. After eight years of sacrifice and traveling and working abroad, working, doing webinars from the middle of another country and trying to run my business while training with the USA team, I did not accomplish the goal I set out. But man, it was a dream come true.

• 48:40Lewis Howes?

  And I think we can also beat ourselves up so much with the results that we don't hit. As opposed to focus on who we become in the process of trying to achieve it. And so my, my first couple of books, I was so focused on the result. And I remember the second book, it didn't hit the New York Times bestseller list and I was kind of upset for like a week. There was a little bit of like, ah, anger and resentment if I'm being honest. Even though I knew I had a good intention that I want to serve men from that book and help people, but it's, hey, the competitive in me is like, ah, I want to hit that, right? And I can honestly say with this book, I am in so much peace in my heart that I'm like, the results are going to do whatever the results do. All I can focus on, and I know people say this all the time, but I truly feel it.

• 49:25Lewis Howes?

  All I could focus on is giving my best in each element of the process of the promotion of the book. All I can do is I wrote the best book I can write. I can be proud of the process and the product. I can't worry about the results. I can try to hit the results.

• 49:42Lewis Howes?

  But it's like everything I'm becoming and experiencing in the process is what I'm cherishing more now. And it was hard to do for a long time because I wasn't able to do that.

• 49:50Ed Mylett?

  Yeah. You're so right. I think of even people that are great in a sport. Maybe they haven't lived a perfect life, but even like Tiger. Tiger is always talking about, I'm focusing on the process. I want to put myself in a position to win. He's not obsessed with necessarily winning.

• 50:04Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 50:05Ed Mylett?

  Getting in a position to win, doing the things that would cause him to win, the experience and the journey. So meaningful mission, and then we're going to finish with something that you didn't know we were going to go to. But meaningful mission in your life, you should ask yourself if you have one. And your recommendation of the book is that it should be able to be said in one sentence, correct?

• 50:20Lewis Howes?

  I think so. The clearer the better. I think so.

• 50:23Ed Mylett?

  And I think if you don't have a meaningful mission, it's difficult to have a measurement. It's difficult to know what you're pursuing. It's difficult to have a barometer to make decisions in your life.

• 50:31Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 50:32Ed Mylett?

  And so I completely acknowledge that.

• 50:34Lewis Howes?

  And I love, and I love for people watching or listening to, you know, send you a message and tag you over on Instagram and say,

• 50:40Ed Mylett?

  Sure.

• 50:41Lewis Howes?

  Here's my meaningful mission in one sentence. And maybe you can give some feedback to people of like, okay, that's cool. I'll work on this.

• 50:46Ed Mylett?

  I would love it.

• 50:47Lewis Howes?

  But if you're listening or watching, like send Ed a message on Instagram. And just say, in one sentence, here's my meaningful mission. You can either write it and send a photo, you can send a video, but send Ed a message with your meaningful mission.

• 50:59Ed Mylett?

  I would love that, everybody, and I will get back to you as best I can because we're gonna get a bunch of them. There's other things in the book, guys, that I want you to get this book about accepting the challenge and defining your greatness goals. And there are two things that I want to finish with because I don't think enough people do this, and it's all over the place if they were willing to do it. You talk about enlisting support. And one of the things that always makes me very embarrassed when I get introduced somewhere is like that somehow I have some, something someone else doesn't have. And I'm like, if you knew all the freaking people who helped me, that supported me along the way, I would be lost without other human beings.

• 51:35Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 51:35Ed Mylett?

  And other humans have been so good. By the way, I've had a lot of humans hurt me too. So have all of you. And sometimes when that happens, we form this belief that that's all humans. But there's been these other precious humans in my life that have supported me.

• 51:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 51:53Ed Mylett?

  In, in, in long-term and short-term, some of them were just in one moment. But you talk about in the book about enlisting support, that you're not alone in your life or the pursuit of your life. My faith informs me that this is true, like we talked about earlier. So touch on that, and then I want to finish with a topic for you.

• 52:10Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I just think, you know, I never did anything, you know, I never accomplished anything without great coaches and great teammates as an athlete. You couldn't have accomplished your athletic career success without the teammates you had around you, your coaches, your parents, your friends, the fans cheering you on, all these things wouldn't have happened without so many people involved. And I looked at my life as a sport after athletics, where I said, I need great coaches, I need great mentors with a model that I can mimic. I need this process because I can't do it all on my own. And I, and I think it's, it's twofold. It's enlisting support and having the courage to reach out and ask for support. And it's also being willing to acknowledge yourself for all the hard work and everything you've overcome. So I think a lot of people discount themselves too much.

• 52:55Lewis Howes?

  When they get acknowledged, and I know you are a master at the art of acknowledgement. It's something that I love about you so much that you acknowledge everyone in your life so consistently and, and openly.

• 53:06Ed Mylett?

  You do too.

• 53:07Lewis Howes?

  Thank you. I, I modeled it from you. And for me, a lot of us struggle receiving compliments, receiving.

• 53:20Lewis Howes?

  It's like the self-awareness around the actual effort and the actions that we're taking.

• 53:24Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 53:24Lewis Howes?

  Discount it too frequently as human beings. And I think we get to practice just receiving and saying, "Thank you." It's just leaving it at that. We don't have to, "Oh, but it wasn't anything," and I used to do that a lot.

• 53:36Ed Mylett?

  Me too.

• 53:37Lewis Howes?

  Right?

• 53:37Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 53:37Lewis Howes?

  "Well, no, I could have done better," or it's like just receive and say, "Thank you so much. I appreciate it." You don't have to boast about it. You don't have to discount it. Receive and say, "Thank you." And I think if we can start to acknowledge everything we've overcome and everything we've created as well as the support of others, that's when there's some beautiful harmony in life and you start to attract more.

• 53:58Ed Mylett?

  You're so right. You know, I don't even know when it happened, but I started finally just going, and my intuition is like, "No, no, no, you know, ee." And that's that thing with me not wanting to feel love. Like if I accept that I really worked hard here and you saw it, I might feel love for a second here, and that's not my pattern.

• 54:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:15Ed Mylett?

  And so...

• 54:15Lewis Howes?

  And that hasn't gotten me here.

• 54:17Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 54:17Lewis Howes?

  Not feeling loved made me force myself to get the results I'm getting. So I can't receive love because it's not going to give me the drive anymore.

• 54:24Ed Mylett?

  Brother.

• 54:24Lewis Howes?

  So we gotta learn how to drive from a place of service, of a place of a meaningful mission to impact the world, not because I'm not enough and I need to feel enough, and I, but if you tell me I'm enough, then I'm not gonna drive as much.

• 54:36Ed Mylett?

  Quit trying.

• 54:36Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 54:37Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, brother. You're, I just, I just love it because that's exactly why I didn't do it. I'm like, "No, this has sort of kind of worked for me."

• 54:44Lewis Howes?

  It's what got me here.

• 54:45Ed Mylett?

  It got me here. It got me success without fulfillment. It got me success without greatness. And a lot of times in our life, we're like, "If I let go of that one thing," intuitively, you know you should, this behavior. Maybe it's that you're so demanding and angry with people, like, "Yeah, but I, that's why I won." Or, "I've neglected my family, but that's why I'm wealthy." It's probably in spite of that, but you've created a pattern that's convinced yourself that it's true.

• 55:08Lewis Howes?

  And, and you know, I didn't mean to cut you off there.

• 55:10Ed Mylett?

  No, you didn't.

• 55:10Lewis Howes?

  You know... That the secret to life is relationships.

• 55:14Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 55:15Lewis Howes?

  And and the secret to successful relationships is vulnerability and showing up for other people. And there's a lot of people that that in the public eye who love to have a chip on their shoulder and talk about the chip on their shoulder and sports specifically. And you see later in their life how it helped them become champions over and over again, but then they go through divorce.

• 55:36Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 55:37Lewis Howes?

  Then their kids don't speak to them. Then they have heart attacks or whatever it might be. So, yes, it drives people to accomplish. But if we aren't living in a relationship world and serving the people around us while first serving and supporting the inner child in front of us that that needs that love, then we're gonna miss out.

• 55:56Ed Mylett?

  Brother, you're so right. You and I are privileged to know many of those people.

• 56:01Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 56:01Ed Mylett?

  And if they knew behind the scenes, you'd be like, you may think that stuff worked for them. But if life is a bliss, happiness and peace game, they lost.

• 56:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:10Ed Mylett?

  And you're 100% right. Speaking of relationships, my last question to you is about your dad.

• 56:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:15Ed Mylett?

  And you lost your dad recently, like I lost mine. And

• 56:22Ed Mylett?

  my relationship with my dad wasn't perfect. And even after my dad got sober, even though he was my best friend, I think sometimes the people are like, and then it was happily ever after all the time.

• 56:32Lewis Howes?

  It wasn't.

• 56:33Ed Mylett?

  It's real life.

• 56:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:34Ed Mylett?

  And these relationships we have with family or the people that raised us are so informative to who we become. They're so informative in the patterns we create towards the pursuit of our greatness or the lack thereof. And I know enough to know that you lost your dad before you lost your dad.

• 56:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:57Ed Mylett?

  And then even before you lost your dad, there was a relationship there. How did losing your father the first time, if you can tell everybody, I know, but I want them to know until you actually physically lost him? And even probably, how did that, how has it impacted you? How has it made you wiser? How has it caused you to reflect on your own life? And like, I know for me, man, when my dad passed away, I'm like, wow, I guess my time's limited too.

• 57:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 57:23Ed Mylett?

  You know, like, people die.

• 57:25Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 57:26Ed Mylett?

  I think I used to think everyone else died. But not, but not my mom and dad, not me. Like, I think, I know it sounds nuts, but like, I didn't live as if it was gonna end at some point. How did your relationship with your dad overall, tell them about it and impact your life?

• 57:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, my dad was extremely loving human being, but had a lot of anger too. Kind of similar to your dad.

• 57:51Ed Mylett?

  Mm-hmm.

• 57:52Lewis Howes?

  So he showed me he loved me a lot, but he, but I also feared him immensely. Until he started to have a transformation when I was about thirteen, fourteen years old. He started to do a lot of his own healing. And then I had a different relationship with my father. So the first thirteen years, he would tuck me in bed and tell me he loved me and, and say the Lord's Prayer every night with me. Uh, you know, he would come home after a long day at work and, you know, play catch in the backyard. He would make time for me. He would take me to places, he would support me, coach me, all those things. But he and my mom never had a really good relationship. So there was always fear and uncertainty at home when they were around. It's like, when they weren't around, I felt peaceful.

• 58:35Lewis Howes?

  When they were around, they just didn't know how to model love well to each other. But they both loved us, right? Us kids. So it was just kind of confusing.

• 58:43Ed Mylett?

  Hmm.

• 58:44Lewis Howes?

  And when I left home at thirteen, I begged my parents to send me away to private boarding school. Because I didn't feel in a good space at home. And my old, my, I was the youngest of four, so my older siblings were kind of all off to college and out of the house. And I was just like, I don't want to be here. And I also didn't have good friendships. I was just kind of an awkward kid and struggled. And I begged them to send me away. And the day, and for the whole summer, I begged them, and they finally agreed at the end of the summer to send me away. They didn't want me to go. I begged them to leave.

• 59:21Lewis Howes?

  The day I left, I felt like a sense of like peace not being around them.

• 59:26Lewis Howes?

  I still miss them, but I was like, I don't want this stress, right? This kind of underlying fear and tension of their inability to love each other to affect me anymore. They just didn't have the tools, so I don't blame them. It's just, it is what it is. They got married when they were nineteen, had a kid right away. It's just they didn't know.

• 59:44Lewis Howes?

  My dad started to go through a healing journey around that time. And it was like, he was the most loving, generous, kind human being for the next,

• 59:54Lewis Howes?

  I guess, six, seven years, right? Until he got into a car accident where a car came through his, the SUV came on top of his car. The bumper came through the windshield and hit him in the head. He was in a coma for three months. He was, you know, they opened up the car, they airlifted him out in a helicopter to a hospital. He was on a vacation with his then girlfriend at the time. My parents got divorced many years prior to this. And

• 1:00:24Lewis Howes?

  we didn't know if he was gonna live or die. I got the news the night before a football game when I was playing in college football. And I remember thinking like, I have no idea. We didn't know if he was alive. That was the thing. He was in a coma. We didn't know. I was like, should I play? Should I not play? Like, what would my dad want me to do? He was like, I was thinking he'd want me to play, you know?

• 1:00:47Lewis Howes?

  The second to last game, or the second to last play of the game, I get, I catch a ball and I get speared by a helmet right in the ribs and I break three ribs. And I'm thinking, my season's over. My dad, I don't know if he's alive still. My season's over. I just broke three ribs. What now?

• 1:01:06Lewis Howes?

  I end up having a pretty miraculous healing and recovery, based on my faith actually. And I healed my three ribs, based on the faith of my religion, and I went into my practice.

• 1:01:18Lewis Howes?

  My dad was in a coma for the whole season in New Zealand. And I couldn't fly the first few weeks because of the injury. And so I decided to stay. My sisters went and I was like, okay, he's not waking up. What do I do?

• 1:01:34Lewis Howes?

  He probably want me to keep playing, I think. So that was the only thing I did. I played the whole season. He comes back three months later after the season. And he can't speak. He can barely walk. And he just looked like a different guy. So he, I'm expecting him to come back and have this full recovery. I'm hoping that he remembers everything. A year, two, three, five years go by, 10 years go by, 15 years go by. He can walk and talk, but he has no drive. He can't work anymore. He sits at home every day and watches movies.

• 1:02:07Lewis Howes?

  When I see him, he says, what's your name again? He can, he can speak, but he'd be like, didn't you used to play football? Where'd you go to school again? So we could have a conversation, but he didn't have his memories. So it was so painful to be in front of my father, who I loved and cared about deeply, who I felt like was just getting started in his life after starting this healing journey and having a new kind of lease on life. And he was an amazing father at this point. For the previous six years, he was like a transformed, loving human being. But he was also a crutch for me. Because he had a life insurance business that he built up for 33 years with Northwestern Mutual,

• 1:02:50Lewis Howes?

  his own independent like office in a small town, Delaware, Ohio. And he just grinded for 30 plus years to finally like make enough money where he could like do stuff.

• 1:03:01Lewis Howes?

  And I saw him work so hard for so long to like then have like some, some money to like play with and travel and buy a new car. He never had a new car. He always had like 20 year old cars and just lived that life. So I saw him enjoying his life fully for the first time for about five, six years. And he always said, hey, listen, go chase your dreams. Go live every dream you have. I support you. He would pay for training and coaches, whatever it was to like be the best athlete I could be. Go. And when you're done, you can come back and work for me. So it was always kind of like, come back and I'll teach you up and you can take over the business one day type of mentality.

• 1:03:37Lewis Howes?

  And I remember doing an internship for a summer and I was just like, I don't think this is for me. You know, it's not my thing. I could do it, but it's not like my destiny.

• 1:03:47Lewis Howes?

  And I think his accident and then my injury after pursuing, you know, playing professional football and getting injured and breaking my wrist. I was really kind of in a, in a dark space for about a year and a half, just trying to figure out like, who am I? Asking these courageous questions. Who am I? Why did this happen? Is my dad ever gonna come back around? And having to kind of accept after about four years that he may never be the person he once was. And loving him for who he is now, which was extremely hard because he didn't really want to be around us. I'd go visit him and after an hour he'd be like, I'm tired, leave. I remember you telling me. Because before that, he, all he wanted to do is like shower us with love. And be around us and encourage us. And he was like this cheerleader celebrating us.

• 1:04:29Lewis Howes?

  So it's hard to have that and then see a guy that you know wants to do that, but the brain trauma, it just affected his brain so much where he wasn't able to do it anymore. And kind of grieving a little bit of that, but accepting it and just experiencing it for 17 years. It was just painful. I don't know what else to say. It was painful. But what it did for me is it made me live in extreme urgency. It made me so focused on my life and overcoming every insecurity and every fear. Cause I didn't want to live in regret. And I realized this could be taken away from me at any moment. Like he wasn't planning on having this injury that day. And it happened and it changed his life forever.

• 1:05:11Lewis Howes?

  And I was just like, I never want to let my fear hold me back from pursuing something. That's why I moved to New York City to pursue a dream of making the Olympics. I go, if this dream is in me, I gotta at least try it. And if it doesn't work out, at least I tried and I gave it a full effort. I mean, I went all in on it, man. I went to Spain and played professionally for a while. I was traveling the country. I was traveling the world. Investing so much in the dream. And again, the dream didn't come true, but it was a green, a dream come true experience. And I don't have regrets thinking, ah, what it would have been like to go try to make the USA national team and play in the Olympics. My dad gave me that gift through his injury. He also gave me the gift of. Like I had to grow up as a man that day.

• 1:05:56Lewis Howes?

  And I didn't have his guidance. I didn't have his mentorship. I didn't have his money supporting me. I didn't have his home. I didn't have anything to fall back on. And it was probably the greatest lesson because I don't think I would have ever been an entrepreneur. I don't think I would have ever launched the show, written books. I don't think I would have cared about humanity the way I do if his accident didn't happen. And the funny thing is, I don't think I've ever told this. I saw him two days before he left for this trip. We were at a family camp, a YMCA camp in Ohio. Um, and we do this every year as a family and go there. And it's kind of like you just play games and hang out and go on the lake and stuff like that. And there was something off about my dad. He was sitting by himself on a couch in kind of the mess hall where you eat lunch and dinner.

• 1:06:41Lewis Howes?

  And he was sitting there alone on a couch. And I went over to sit next to him and he just looked like something was off. And I don't think I've ever shared this publicly, but I sat next to him. I go, Dad, are you excited about your trip? Because he was going to go on this trip with his girlfriend to New Zealand. I said, are you excited? He goes, I'm really excited. I go, what are you excited about? He said, I'm excited to have a spiritual journey. And I get kind of like just chills thinking about it because. I go, what do you mean a spiritual journey? He goes, I'm really excited to dive into my faith and dive into my, you know, the Bible. And there's another book in Christian science called the Science and Health with the Key to the Scriptures, which is kind of like a complimentary book about the science of the Bible.

• 1:07:23Lewis Howes?

  The science of Jesus, how these things happened based on science. He goes, I'm really excited to dive into my faith and dive into my books. And like dive in deeper into my faith. But something just felt weird, like he just had an energy. It's almost like he knew this was going to happen. But I, and I sensed like something was off. And I was just like, I'm really excited for you, Dad. It's going to be a great trip. And it was just so weird because I'd never seen him have this energy ever before this moment. And then it made sense later. And I really think, um, you know, all of us kids had to have that experience for all of our own individual. Reasons. Lives. Yeah, reasons. And there's no way that I would have had the courage to do what I'm doing.

• 1:08:06Lewis Howes?

  Cause I didn't know, I didn't think I was gonna be an entrepreneur. I didn't know how to make money. I didn't think anyone paid me for anything. But it almost forced me to be so courageous on everything. And I think if I had him as a, as a backup plan or a safety net, I don't think I would have taken action in the ways that I have in these last 15 years. And I don't think that I would care deeply about people the way I do if that didn't happen. So in some ways, his greatest pain and the greatest struggle I went through was also my greatest gift.

• 1:08:36Ed Mylett?

  Brother, one of the best stories of all time.

• 1:08:40Lewis Howes?

  Thanks.

• 1:08:40Ed Mylett?

  And I'm really glad we went there today. There's a million lessons from your dad for you in your journey and your life.

• 1:08:54Ed Mylett?

  One of them, just to consider, is that maybe you're supposed to finish that for him. Maybe he never got to finish that spiritual journey and maybe that's the one you're really on. Which is what we talked about earlier. Maybe that's the one you're really on. And I just have that feeling. And I think all of these ripple effects from that experience of, thank God you got those good years with him. And how remarkable it is to me to know that now that your dad's passed and he's in heaven, he has all the understanding now. And that maybe for the first time, he actually knows who you've become.

• 1:09:26Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 1:09:26Ed Mylett?

  And to think that this little boy, this little Lewis Howes growing up, who had these just totally unfair things happen to him that should never happen to a little boy. And then to have the strife in your home, plus the situation that happened with you with the abuse. Then to at least get good, five or six good years with your dad, then to lose him. And then to have this journey that was all your own of all the healing you had to do. And the fact that your dad's passed away recently, he's got to heaven and now he's realized who his son's become. Millions of people's lives you've changed, bro. It's pretty awesome. And maybe the last part of that journey is that he didn't get to finish that after those two days. Maybe it's yours to finish. And that was the middle of the interview. That's why I know now, why I asked you that question. I just absolutely am so freaking proud of you.

• 1:10:09Lewis Howes?

  Thanks, man.

• 1:10:09Ed Mylett?

  And I love you so much. And you're such a great force for greatness now in the world. And by the way, everybody, so is this book, The Greatness Mindset by Lewis Howes. You need to go get this book right now. You can tell from the spirit of this man, he just.

• 1:10:29Ed Mylett?

  He's elevated himself, his understanding of himself and life to a place that there's a lot to learn from him. Real grateful for you, bro.

• 1:10:37Lewis Howes?

  Thanks, brother. Appreciate it. We're all on the journey, man. The journey to greatness is just beginning. You know, I feel like it's, you and I have learned so much, but it's like, we're still at the beginning.

• 1:10:47Ed Mylett?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:10:48Lewis Howes?

  Every day. And that's why I love that we just keep asking questions and seeking out wisdom from so many people, so.

• 1:10:54Ed Mylett?

  Well, I love that you call it a journey. It's not a destination. That's for darn sure. You know, man, I'm really grateful that on some level, we're on this journey together.

• 1:11:03Lewis Howes?

  Me too, man.

• 1:11:04Ed Mylett?

  You know, and that we're gonna spend our lives doing this together. Hey, guys. Tell me this wasn't a good one today. This was so good. Looking back in the back and everybody's all excited. So, I love you.

• 1:11:16Lewis Howes?

  Love you too, brother. Thanks, Ed.

• 1:11:17Ed Mylett?

  Go get the book, everybody. Hey, when you're grabbing it, grab another Power of One More. Goes good as a good tandem. And please share this. This is one of these today. I have a feeling I don't have to ask you guys to share, but if you would share, I sure would appreciate it because there's someone's life who could be so impacted by what Lewis shared with all of us today. So, please share it. God bless y'all. Max out your life.

• 1:11:38Lewis Howes?

  I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend. Leave us a review over on Apple Podcast and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels, at Lewis Howes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then

• 1:12:19Lewis Howes?

  make sure to sign up for the Greatness Newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com/newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now, it's time to go out there and do something great.