Ep 233: Eric Andre

Listen to Eric's podcast “Bombing with Eric Andre” from iHeartMedia and Will Ferrell’s Big Money Players Podcast Network –– with new episodes every Wednesday Eric Andre rolls in an hour late and somehow still steals the episode. The boys break down YMCA shower farts, sleep apnea setups, and why every redhead is a gamble. Mark and Sam pour Lagavulin 16 while debating whether Cary Grant was bisexual and if showing your feet online is the new stand-up comedy. Eric shares how The Eric Andre Show almost got chopped up for Quibi, confesses he's not drinking much (until he is), and reveals his secret weapon for bombing with grace: texting moms from hecklers' phones. This one’s got old-man gym gear, OnlyFans chihuahua crimes, DVD nostalgia, anal fissures, and the real reason Jimmy Stewart never took his shirt off. Strap in, it gets weird. Sponsored by: 🩳 Upgrade your summer: Get 20% off at Chubbies https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/DRUNKS – code DRUNKS 💳 Ditch the Costanza wallet: Up to 40% off at Ridge https://www.ridge.com/DRUNK 🧊 Take the plunge: 25% off anything from Absolute Zero https://absolutezeroplunge.com – code WMBD 🎧 Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD 🛒 Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ 🎬 Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #EricAndre #MarkNormand #SamMorril #BodegaCatWhiskey #ChubbiesShorts #RidgeWallet #ColdPlunge #StandUpComedy #Podcasting #ComedyPodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Sam Morril?

  Are we rolling, Salacuse?

• 0:07Mark Normand?

  We're rolling!

• 0:08Sam Morril?

  We're rolling?

• 0:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 0:09Sam Morril?

  Salacuse's nipples are hard. He loves when we roll.

• 0:12Mark Normand?

  There we go!

• 0:13Sam Morril?

  Guy always wants to roll!

• 0:14Mark Normand?

  I should get you some molly, then you can roll. Alright, Rick Roll. What is Rick Roll? Remember that?

• 0:20Sam Morril?

  Like Rick Ross, his cousin.

• 0:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, wait.

• 0:22Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 0:23Mark Normand?

  Remember Rick Rolling?

• 0:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 0:24Mark Normand?

  That was like a prank or something.

• 0:25Speaker 02

  So it's, you would play the Rick Astley song, you would send somebody a link and it would play the Rick Astley song instead.

• 0:31Sam Morril?

  How old are you, Salacuse?

• 0:33Mark Normand?

  Never gonna give you up, never gonna... Then the Rick Roll became the guy, the black guy with the dick. Remember that?

• 0:39Speaker 02

  No.

• 0:40Sam Morril?

  No, that was the Buffalo Bill.

• 0:42Speaker 02

  Oh yes, the Rick Roll, you get the black guy with the long dick.

• 0:44Mark Normand?

  The San Francisco Chronicle, that was always the giveaway.

• 0:46Sam Morril?

  We're doing a little Lagavulin 16 today.

• 0:49Mark Normand?

  Treating ourselves!

• 0:50Sam Morril?

  You know, every once in a while you gotta, I love rye whiskey, I love our whiskey, but sometimes you gotta do a, I love a Peaty Scotch.

• 0:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, can't go wrong with Peaty, Diablo. That is very, very nice. 16 year, I take it?

• 1:04Sam Morril?

  That's clean, baby.

• 1:05Mark Normand?

  Sound like Epstein.

• 1:07Sam Morril?

  Ooh, he wouldn't go that old. This is good stuff, baby.

• 1:12Mark Normand?

  Yes, very nice.

• 1:13Sam Morril?

  I'm fired up. I'm fired up!

• 1:15Mark Normand?

  We got the game tonight.

• 1:17Sam Morril?

  I'm, I'm nervous, but I'm fired up.

• 1:20Mark Normand?

  This is a make or break right here.

• 1:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it always is. It always is. Although, I remember seeing Rocket and Nick game once, and I was like, I'm freaking, it was the playoffs, I was like, I'm freaking out, I don't know what to do, and he goes, "Hey, we're playing in June, this is the best." That's the attitude you gotta keep. You gotta be grateful to stay in the playoffs. Been re-watching some early Rock recently. So good, man.

• 1:40Mark Normand?

  The best. 90's Rock's always been my, my number one.

• 1:43Sam Morril?

  I think, I think Bring the Pain might be my favorite.

• 1:46Mark Normand?

  It's incredible. That's 3 on 3 with a half court.

• 1:49Sam Morril?

  No, that's Bigger and Blacker.

• 1:50Mark Normand?

  Oh geez, sorry.

• 1:51Sam Morril?

  Man, I've taken a lot of YMCA showers the last few months on the road.

• 1:55Mark Normand?

  Cause I don't love them.

• 1:56Sam Morril?

  Don't love them.

• 1:57Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:57Sam Morril?

  I will tell you, I was in a shower with like, me... Gary, uh, Brian, and there was a, and there was a dude, an old man next to us, and I go, hey, guys, listen to this. And I just let out a whale of a fart. And we all laughed. You could tell this guy's like, what the fuck am I?

• 2:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that is awkward.

• 2:14Sam Morril?

  It is awkward, but you gotta do the laugh for the boys.

• 2:17Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course. And you're in a, you're in a male locker room. I think a fart is okay.

• 2:22Sam Morril?

  Farts, I think, should stay funny.

• 2:24Mark Normand?

  I, uh, signed up for, when I lived in New Orleans, they had the New Orleans Athletic Club.

• 2:28Sam Morril?

  It's beautiful.

• 2:29Mark Normand?

  It's beautiful. It's been there since like 1808 or whatever. So it's really cool, but the showers have not been updated.

• 2:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 2:35Mark Normand?

  So you're like, what am I doing? There's mold from like, you know, the Nixon era in there. And it's, it's like communal, everything's a trough. You know, it's like eight showerheads in one room. And you're like, oh, this shit sucks now. You know, like, it's a cool idea. Hey, the old club, it's all kitschy.

• 2:51Sam Morril?

  It's like weird, it's almost, you know, it feels like, like a, one of those weird renovated apartments that doesn't work.

• 2:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:58Sam Morril?

  There's like weird little nooks everywhere. And you're like, is this like, it's like an eight bedroom?

• 3:02Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 3:03Sam Morril?

  Or something. You're like, what's going on here? But, uh, yeah.

• 3:05Mark Normand?

  It looks good, but yeah, it's not functional.

• 3:07Sam Morril?

  We went there and Vitor got injured because he was trying to be, it'd be really funny if we did pull-ups in front and behind each other.

• 3:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 3:13Sam Morril?

  You know, for, for a funny post or something. I was like, all right. So he jumped in front of me, not realizing that the pull-up bars are like those monkey bar things. So there's another one in front of him and he just craps his lip. And he's bleeding everywhere. And he's like, ooh. And I was like, oh, man.

• 3:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 3:26Sam Morril?

  I was like, all right, well, feel better. I'm gonna go try the cold plunge. He's like, literally can't speak because his lip is inflamed. And we're all just like, dude, have you tried the sauna and the plunge? Fucking great.

• 3:36Mark Normand?

  I know. Those, they have those weird old machines like that.

• 3:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 3:39Mark Normand?

  Machine with the wrap around and it just shakes you. Remember that one? They thought it, there was medicine balls. They got weird, uh, those giant, it's like, uh, dumbbells, but with a weird bar and then the old round brass balls on the side. Luckily it's whites only. That's really the only upside.

• 3:56Sam Morril?

  That's, the, the funny thing is you see like why people are not in good shape.

• 4:01Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 4:01Sam Morril?

  From those machines. Cause by the way, now you see a guy there who's just like a regular gym guy and he looks better than bodybuilders in the 50s.

• 4:07Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 4:08Sam Morril?

  You see like what was like a ripped guy, like look at a dude. Dude with a shirt off in the 50s who was like a lead email. Look at like Jimmy Stewart shirtless. You're like, what the fuck is this?

• 4:16Mark Normand?

  There's no definition. It's smooth.

• 4:18Sam Morril?

  And that guy was in the war.

• 4:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 4:20Sam Morril?

  Like Jimmy Stewart went to like World War. I mean, these dudes were, I mean, like Paul Newman was kind of ripped.

• 4:24Mark Normand?

  He was kind of shredded.

• 4:25Sam Morril?

  But he was like one of the new ones.

• 4:26Mark Normand?

  Right. But no, the old guys like Rock Hudson. They were alcoholics.

• 4:31Sam Morril?

  Rock Hudson was thin for a different reason.

• 4:34Sam Morril?

  AIDS joke, AIDS joke.

• 4:36Mark Normand?

  Did Anthony Perkins get AIDS?

• 4:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he did.

• 4:38Mark Normand?

  Oh shit.

• 4:39Sam Morril?

  Crazy. If you look up Anthony Perkins from Psycho, he died of AIDS and his wife died in like a crazy plane crash. So that kid just like lost his parents in two, I think it was like the TWA crash. His wife passed away in.

• 4:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, I thought he was, he's gay.

• 4:51Sam Morril?

  He was gay, but he was married to a woman.

• 4:53Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 4:53Sam Morril?

  As you were back then.

• 4:54Speaker 02

  Oh, World Trade Center.

• 4:55Sam Morril?

  9/11. Yeah, that's what I mean.

• 4:57Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 4:57Sam Morril?

  I thought it was the TWA, but yeah.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 4:59Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 5:00Sam Morril?

  So Norman, Norman Bates fucking died of AIDS, man.

• 5:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:04Sam Morril?

  Awful. Great actor.

• 5:05Mark Normand?

  Great actor.

• 5:06Sam Morril?

  Couldn't, kind of couldn't get roles because I think he was so known as Norman Bates.

• 5:11Mark Normand?

  Damn, he killed that role.

• 5:13Sam Morril?

  He killed that role.

• 5:14Mark Normand?

  Well, he made it to 60. That's something.

• 5:16Sam Morril?

  Not great.

• 5:17Mark Normand?

  Not great. But yeah, they also drank every day. They smoked. So yeah, it's hard to get a hot bod back then, I think.

• 5:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but that was kind of what's fun about it is you just got, you just got hammered and like Cary Grant wasn't doing sit-ups.

• 5:29Mark Normand?

  No.

• 5:30Sam Morril?

  Guy was, uh, that's how, that's how much sex they had back then. He's like, I'll just fuck dudes. I'm not gonna work out. I'll just fuck women and men.

• 5:38Mark Normand?

  Wait, he was bi?

• 5:39Sam Morril?

  Oh, Cary Grant was definitely bi.

• 5:40Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 5:41Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:42Mark Normand?

  I didn't know that.

• 5:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I think the mob back then had like tapes of him, like they would, they would, like Mickey Kohn and his guys would kind of like blackmail him. And they'd be like, well, fucking, we'll release the gay footage if you don't pay us money. Yeah.

• 5:54Mark Normand?

  All right. You want topical, folks. You come to this pod.

• 5:57Sam Morril?

  Topical stuff. Cary Grant, Mickey Kohn. We'll cover it, folks.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  Breaking Cary Grant news. In his personal life, he was dating Howard Hughes.

• 6:07Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 6:07Sam Morril?

  Is that confirmed?

• 6:08Speaker 02

  That's what it says here on the internet.

• 6:10Sam Morril?

  Is that why Howard Hughes is always hiding?

• 6:12Speaker 02

  In the closet.

• 6:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we think all this shit is new with the P. Diddy's and the Kevin Spacey's. That shit's been going on for decades.

• 6:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 6:21Mark Normand?

  Everybody's hiding.

• 6:24Mark Normand?

  Live fluid.

• 6:25Sam Morril?

  Fluid. He did have a lot of baby oil.

• 6:28Mark Normand?

  Look at the chin on that guy.

• 6:30Sam Morril?

  He was a cool dude.

• 6:31Mark Normand?

  Very. He was the Clooney of his day.

• 6:32Sam Morril?

  He really was. He was like classy and could do hu- he could do humor.

• 6:36Mark Normand?

  Could do humor.

• 6:37Sam Morril?

  What's the, what's that really funny movie with him?

• 6:39Speaker 02

  His Girl Friday?

• 6:40Sam Morril?

  No, that's a great movie though, but I was thinking of something else. It was a more slapstick. Arsenic and Old Lace.

• 6:45Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 6:45Sam Morril?

  That's a funny, one of Michelle Wolf's favorite movies.

• 6:48Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 6:48Sam Morril?

  Uh, His Girl Friday is hilarious.

• 6:51Speaker 02

  Hilarious.

• 6:51Sam Morril?

  And it's, it's like the opening scene of that is just like a joke a minute. Like, you know who he is. He's like a, it's one of Tarantino's favorites. That's why I watched it.

• 6:59Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 6:59Sam Morril?

  Tarantino talked about how much he loved it and I was like, I gotta see it. But, uh, so many fucking good zingers.

• 7:04Mark Normand?

  What, that, His Girl Friday means like a fun girl?

• 7:07Speaker 02

  No, it's your right-hand man, but a woman.

• 7:09Mark Normand?

  Oh. His Girl Friday.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:13Mark Normand?

  It's a strange saying.

• 7:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 7:17Mark Normand?

  Huh.

• 7:17Sam Morril?

  It's got some darkness in it too. There's some dark moments.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  If I said like his man Friday, it's his man Friday, that would make more sense to the kids.

• 7:22Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 7:23Speaker 02

  I don't know, maybe not.

• 7:24Sam Morril?

  Everything's a girl. You call her, she's a beauty. She runs well.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll look it up.

• 7:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 7:29Mark Normand?

  It's funny that, I looked it up, why they talk like that in the old movies. It was a transatlantic accent. They call it like, "Ah, I'm out, I'm out here, see?" Like that whole thing. That's an accent. That came from somewhere. Yeah, all that shit is, uh, from the British, I think. New England-y. They all had that weird style of speak.

• 7:47Sam Morril?

  That Catherine Hepburn voice?

• 7:48Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 7:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, see?

• 7:50Mark Normand?

  Yes, exactly.

• 7:52Sam Morril?

  What, what do you, what kind of cocktail you making over there, Peters?

• 7:58Mark Normand?

  Ooh, tropical.

• 8:00Sam Morril?

  That's an interesting drink.

• 8:01Mark Normand?

  I never touch rum.

• 8:03Sam Morril?

  I'm not a rum guy.

• 8:04Mark Normand?

  I don't go near rum unless I'm drinking like a pina colada.

• 8:06Sam Morril?

  I don't mean to be disrespectful here to rum drinkers, but when I meet an adult rum drinker who's not from like the Caribbean, I just think he's like an amateur.

• 8:14Mark Normand?

  I completely agree.

• 8:14Sam Morril?

  I just look, it's like what I would get fucked on, up on when I was like thirteen. I was like, oh, rum and coke.

• 8:19Mark Normand?

  Rum and coke.

• 8:20Sam Morril?

  Well, like it, it feels like an amateur, like if I get heckled, I got heckled by a dude once and he was like, I had too much rum. I'm like, of course you did, you fucking, you lightweight.

• 8:27Mark Normand?

  What are you, a pirate? Yo, ho, ho, give me another bottle of rum.

• 8:31Sam Morril?

  But, but Eric, I, Eric seems like he could, I don't think of him as an amateur drinker, just the little I know of him.

• 8:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, I do, that's gonna sound controversial, but I give black guys like a little leeway with the booze.

• 8:43Sam Morril?

  Interesting.

• 8:44Mark Normand?

  You see a tough black guy with like some Tahiti blue nonsense with an umbrella and a fruit on it, I'm like, alright, if you were white, I would really call you a homo. But if you're black, I can let you slide with some of these hot pink drinks.

• 8:56Sam Morril?

  That is fair, but I remember Mike Yard, our buddy from the Comedy Cellar, black guy, was drinking a Bailey's Irish Cream on the rocks once, and I said, ooh. I made a comment, and he goes, I could still whoop your ass.

• 9:07Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 9:08Sam Morril?

  And I was like, you could, but then you would celebrate with a Bailey's Irish Cream, so it's not as cool. But it, to me, like, people who drink Bailey's Irish Cream straight up, that is a weird, like, it's, it's fine.

• 9:19Mark Normand?

  It's a milkshake.

• 9:20Sam Morril?

  It's a milkshake.

• 9:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:21Sam Morril?

  I would go White Russian over just like, if I was doing so, we never really do that on here.

• 9:26Mark Normand?

  Well, it's a lot of dairy.

• 9:27Sam Morril?

  It's a lot of dairy.

• 9:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:28Sam Morril?

  But it tastes good.

• 9:29Mark Normand?

  It tastes great, but two or three of them, you're like, bwoow.

• 9:32Sam Morril?

  Exactly, Lebowski kinda popularized it, and then you, and then you had all these college kids being like, fucking Lebowski, we're gonna get fucked up on White Russians, and by like the sixth one, you're like, this was a horrible idea.

• 9:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and a little redundant.

• 9:43Sam Morril?

  Very redundant.

• 9:44Mark Normand?

  Is there, is there a black guy in Russia?

• 9:46Sam Morril?

  That even makes sense, very redundant, that doesn't make sense, it's just redundant.

• 9:49Mark Normand?

  Good point, it's like very unique.

• 9:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, it's redundant, you, you wanna mix it up a little bit.

• 9:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree, but they look great on camera, I mean, what a fucking movie that was.

• 10:00Sam Morril?

  God, and you know what, I feel like it got kind of, uh, like it became uncool to say how good it is.

• 10:05Mark Normand?

  Yes, it was hack.

• 10:06Sam Morril?

  It was like, it didn't crush in the movie theater, I don't think, I think it's one of those like it blew up on

• 10:10Mark Normand?

  DVD.

• 10:10Sam Morril?

  On DVD, but, uh, it's so good, it's, dude, it's The Big Sleep. The Big Lebowski is The Big Sleep, instead of, instead of Philip Marlowe, it's a, it's a burnout.

• 10:23Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 10:24Sam Morril?

  But it's the exact plot.

• 10:25Mark Normand?

  And they used The Big in the title, I never saw that coming, shit. Wow, good pull.

• 10:29Sam Morril?

  Fucking, well, it's not, I mean, they admitted it, I mean, they, they say. Yeah, it's such, dude.

• 10:35Mark Normand?

  DVDs, we don't realize how good they were for cinema because they saved movies like this.

• 10:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 10:40Mark Normand?

  So like hundreds of movies were saved because of DVD, like Office Space was all DVD.

• 10:45Sam Morril?

  It got passed around.

• 10:45Mark Normand?

  And it's an amazing movie. So like now-

• 10:48Sam Morril?

  I feel like Austin Powers blew up on DVD too.

• 10:50Mark Normand?

  Ah, I saw that in the theater.

• 10:51Sam Morril?

  I did too, but I feel like a lot of people, ma- maybe-

• 10:53Mark Normand?

  Maybe, maybe.

• 10:54Sam Morril?

  Grandma's Boy was a big DVD.

• 10:55Mark Normand?

  Big DVD.

• 10:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 10:57Mark Normand?

  But yeah, it saves the movie and now they don't make these anymore. So like they're not gonna make money. But the DVD was the parachute.

• 11:03Speaker 02

  I got a factoid about Lebowski.

• 11:05Mark Normand?

  Please.

• 11:05Speaker 02

  That Lebowski's in every scene, except one, where they're in the diner plotting how to like the-

• 11:13Sam Morril?

  And the toe.

• 11:14Speaker 02

  Yes, but if you-

• 11:16Sam Morril?

  You want a toe, I can get you a toe.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  But if you look very closely-

• 11:19Sam Morril?

  You got me till 2pm.

• 11:21Speaker 02

  If you look very closely, his car drives by in the background, so he is in the scene.

• 11:26Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:28Sam Morril?

  Domarela, little cameo in that, remember?

• 11:30Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 11:30Sam Morril?

  The limo driver?

• 11:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:32Sam Morril?

  Such a great movie.

• 11:33Mark Normand?

  Goodman in that movie is lights out.

• 11:34Sam Morril?

  Every time he speaks.

• 11:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:36Sam Morril?

  Every time he speaks, just that psychotic friend and Julianne Moore, that voice. We're talking about that transatlantic-

• 11:43Mark Normand?

  Yes, yeah, that's it. She was sexy in that.

• 11:46Sam Morril?

  So sexy.

• 11:49Sam Morril?

  Would you? No question.

• 11:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'd fuck Donny.

• 11:55Mark Normand?

  Will Silvins is Donny, by the way.

• 11:56Sam Morril?

  He is Donny!

• 11:57Mark Normand?

  He goes, "Who?"

• 11:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 11:59Mark Normand?

  "Get the hell out of here. Been talking for 20 minutes. Can't repeat everything." That's a deep cut. No one knows who that is.

• 12:05Sam Morril?

  Will Silvins is our buddy, Haitian comedian.

• 12:08Mark Normand?

  Are you into the redhead?

• 12:09Sam Morril?

  Am I into the redhead? I am. I think, cause I think a redhead is like, it's like-

• 12:16Mark Normand?

  Obviously depends on the head.

• 12:18Sam Morril?

  It depends, but when you, when it's done right, man, it's like-

• 12:21Mark Normand?

  Whoa, full bush.

• 12:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:23Mark Normand?

  Machi machi.

• 12:26Sam Morril?

  That's not, that's not Lebowski.

• 12:27Mark Normand?

  No, that's right. It's, uh, I can't remember.

• 12:31Sam Morril?

  It's time to let those pale thighs see the light of day. Show off all the man meat by the pool this summer with Chubby's Line Swim Collection with Prince Louder Than Your Uncle at a barbecue. That seemed racist, alright. Liners that keep chafing at bay and a comfy four-way stretch. Whether you're pounding beers or playing mermaids in the pool, Chubby's has got you covered. I want some of these bathing, you know, I want a bathing suit from Chubby's. Hopefully they're somewhere my way too. I love their stuff. Chubby's has what you need for the rest of your wardrobe too. They got the performance polos, the original stretch shorts. I love it. And for when it's time to get in or out of the water. Yeah, I mean, this is, you love Chubby's.

• 13:12Mark Normand?

  I love Chubby's. These pants are Chubby's. I wear half their shit. I got a great jean jacket from Chubby's. I mean, this is good stuff. And the swimsuit stuff, big fan.

• 13:21Sam Morril?

  I love it. Yeah, whether you're getting dressed for a weekday, a workout, or a weekend getaway, Chubby's has you covered. For a limited time, Chubby's is giving We Might Be Drunk fans 20% off your order with code DRUNKS at chubby shorts dot com. That's code DRUNKS at chubby shorts dot com. Support our show and tell them we sent you. Don't blend in with the crowd. Stand out with Chubby's.

• 13:42Mark Normand?

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• 14:28Mark Normand?

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• 14:36Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's better, man.

• 14:37Mark Normand?

  Wow, look at that.

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• 15:01Speaker 03

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• 16:02Mark Normand?

  She looks like a normal lady. That's what's hot about her.

• 16:05Sam Morril?

  Redhead could go wrong so easily.

• 16:08Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 16:09Sam Morril?

  It's like a trip to the fucking Caribbean. Could be amazing. Could go very sideways.

• 16:14Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 16:15Sam Morril?

  But, uh, no, I mean, but when it's like Julianne Moore, you're like, oh my god, it's like even hotter than it works.

• 16:19Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 16:20Sam Morril?

  Or like a Christine Hendricks or something. You're like, oh my god, this is crazy.

• 16:25Mark Normand?

  So hot.

• 16:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 16:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy. Her and that madman. That was something else.

• 16:30Sam Morril?

  Hourglass.

• 16:31Mark Normand?

  Look forward to those scenes.

• 16:32Sam Morril?

  I like it, dude.

• 16:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and it's cool that they address, that's what I love about Mad Men. She was so hot, she had the va-va-voom, the hourglass. And Sterling's like, "Jesus Christ, look at this chick." I hate when they have her on a show and they don't address it. You're like, "How could everyone not be gawking at her?" That's, that's not realistic.

• 16:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, real life, you're just all day like, "Please can I fuck you?"

• 16:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 16:52Sam Morril?

  Like, every person in her life, yeah, she's ridiculous.

• 16:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 16:57Sam Morril?

  And a great character, too.

• 16:58Mark Normand?

  Great character.

• 16:58Sam Morril?

  Like, tough, like, you know.

• 17:00Mark Normand?

  She had layers, it wasn't just a hot lady. She was, uh, developed, no pun intended.

• 17:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah, she was, I mean, dude.

• 17:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, the Super Troopers guy.

• 17:11Mark Normand?

  What the fuck is going on?

• 17:15Sam Morril?

  Comedy, baby.

• 17:16Mark Normand?

  This is every nerd's dream. Wow.

• 17:19Sam Morril?

  Good for him.

• 17:20Mark Normand?

  Everybody's got a type.

• 17:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah, hang in there.

• 17:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, he's also is eight foot one, this guy, so that doesn't hurt.

• 17:27Sam Morril?

  And he's also probably funny, yeah.

• 17:28Mark Normand?

  I'm sure, yeah.

• 17:29Sam Morril?

  And being funny helps.

• 17:30Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's why you gotta take that walk over the, the end of the bar and talk to that lady, 'cause you never know, she could be into you.

• 17:37Sam Morril?

  You could be batting 111, you still get on base that one time.

• 17:40Mark Normand?

  It's like, uh, George Costanza. Wait, wait, Marisa Tomei likes short, stocky, balding men? That's her type. I know she threw stocky in there.

• 17:54Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 17:56Mark Normand?

  Does she have nudes? I just wanna see what it looks like once. I'm not saying you gotta pull up now, but just...

• 18:00Sam Morril?

  You know what's fun about this podcast? It's like a, it's like a sleepover. You're just like, "Is she naked anywhere?"

• 18:06Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 18:07Sam Morril?

  Let's go to celebskin.com.

• 18:08Mark Normand?

  Well, these youngsters don't know what they got, and you could just pull up a nude chick before you had to wait till she was in a movie.

• 18:13Sam Morril?

  Remember having to rent Unfaithful?

• 18:17Sam Morril?

  My dad's like, my dad's like, "Wait, what's the movie Wild Things?" It's a neo-noir.

• 18:23Sam Morril?

  Let me see that lesbian kiss, come on.

• 18:26Mark Normand?

  Species is a sci-fi thriller, you wouldn't like it, mom.

• 18:29Sam Morril?

  The funny thing is, some of these movies are actually kinda like campy and good.

• 18:32Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 18:33Sam Morril?

  But as a kid, you're, you're only renting it for one reason. You would rent a movie to jack off.

• 18:37Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 18:38Sam Morril?

  You get one, your parents are taking you to a block party, you get one.

• 18:41Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 18:41Sam Morril?

  And you're picking the beat off movie.

• 18:43Mark Normand?

  Well, you could do a combo, like, I rented Time Cop, which has the Van Damme ass-kicking and the, the Mia Sarah tits, so...

• 18:51Sam Morril?

  The combo's big.

• 18:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:52Sam Morril?

  It's like, it's like a lunch special at a restaurant. You're getting a deal, you know?

• 18:56Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 18:57Sam Morril?

  No, a pad thai and an egg roll. I didn't know Thai and Chinese went together, but what the hell? It's a combo.

• 19:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah. What are you giving me this AI shit for?

• 19:05Speaker 02

  That's all they got.

• 19:06Mark Normand?

  That's all they... Alright, well, good for her. She hung in there.

• 19:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's...

• 19:09Mark Normand?

  People make a fortune on those cans.

• 19:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we're jerking off to Celebrity Death Match here, I guess. This is great.

• 19:14Mark Normand?

  Did you hear the, uh, the OnlyFans gal who got arrested for banging a chihuahua?

• 19:18Sam Morril?

  What?

• 19:18Mark Normand?

  On her OnlyFans. It just keeps escalating. Like, she's like, "What else should I do? Finger myself?" They're like, "Is that a chihuahua in the background?" Pull that thing out.

• 19:26Sam Morril?

  I just thought it was the worst Taco Bell ad I'd ever seen. I don't know.

• 19:29Mark Normand?

  Ah, you're a OnlyFans...

• 19:31Sam Morril?

  Damn, OnlyFans is getting out of control.

• 19:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:34Sam Morril?

  You meet these people that just make a living on it, and you're just like, "You idiot," and they're like, "I cleared 7 million last month," and you're like, "Maybe I'm the idiot."

• 19:40Mark Normand?

  I know, I know. And some of that was my money.

• 19:44Sam Morril?

  How about these people that are just like, "I'm just gonna show feet," and they're still crushing it?

• 19:47Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 19:48Sam Morril?

  Cause feet, I guess if you're into that, that's like, "Oh my god," but like, I'm nev- I've never been in- feet are fine.

• 19:54Mark Normand?

  Wait, so what happened? Did she do it?

• 19:56Speaker 02

  I don't know, but look at that dog's face. He's seen some things.

• 20:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that dog. That dog's had a dark life.

• 20:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:04Sam Morril?

  But you know, it's like, if you're into feet, dude, eh eh, the world is your fucking oyster.

• 20:09Mark Normand?

  I'm so jealous. I got a bit about the feet, guys.

• 20:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 20:12Mark Normand?

  Cause there's flip flops, there's open toe, there's barefoot. I mean, we like tits. It's hard to find a tit.

• 20:17Sam Morril?

  But I feel like once you see- if you're like, you live in the strip club, it's no longer that interesting.

• 20:22Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 20:23Sam Morril?

  It's like CGI now. No one gives a fuck about CGI because you're just like, it's not- it's not that- like, back in the day, you'd see a train on a movie screen and be like, "Oh my god, I'm scared."

• 20:31Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 20:32Sam Morril?

  It would be coming out, you'd be like, "Ah," but now you're just like, "Who gives a fuck?"

• 20:34Mark Normand?

  That's true, yeah. I remember I rented a, what is that movie called? Jesus. Girls Gone Wild.

• 20:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 20:41Mark Normand?

  And me and my friends got it. It was a big deal. It was the early 90s or whatever. And it's two hours long, 38 minutes in, you're like, "I'm good."

• 20:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah, 38 minutes in, I'm like, "What's the plot? Where is this going? I don't..."

• 20:51Mark Normand?

  Well, it was the saddest moment of my life, cause I'm like, "I'm bored of tits."

• 20:54Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 20:55Mark Normand?

  This is not good. I never thought I could get here. But it's- it's too much. It's like a diner menu. Too much is bad.

• 21:00Sam Morril?

  Too much is bad. You get to page 47 and you're like, cottage cheese and melon. That's the tits in minute forty seven.

• 21:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:07Sam Morril?

  I have a bit I'm working on about like how now, you know, you get the phone and you're just like staring at your phone while watching this like big budget show. Like they spent fucking forty million dollars on this one scene. I'm like, I'd rather watch a guy power wash a sidewalk on TikTok instead.

• 21:22Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 21:23Sam Morril?

  What's amazing to me is like, the entertainment business is crumbling, Hollywood is crumbling, and it's because we'd rather watch a guy eat a sandwich in a fucking Toyota Camry. Like, that's not what I thought would destroy Hollywood.

• 21:35Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 21:35Sam Morril?

  Is a guy being like, seven point five.

• 21:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and you're watching every minute of it.

• 21:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you're loving it.

• 21:40Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 21:41Sam Morril?

  It is amazing, like, that's like, you're talking tits. I mean, like, look, if you see too many, like, that's why at a certain point, like, the strip club is sad.

• 21:49Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 21:50Sam Morril?

  You're there too long, you're just like, who cares?

• 21:52Mark Normand?

  Well, my friend.

• 21:53Sam Morril?

  The first minute in, you're like, oh my god.

• 21:55Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 21:55Sam Morril?

  Minute forty seven, eh.

• 21:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, then you start buying pussy, and then you start going to the back room, and you always gotta up it, whether it's sex, or drugs, or whatever. But my buddy works at Netflix, he's just like in the marketing, whatever, he has no pull or anything, but he told me, he goes, I go, what's up with Netflix? Everything they're buying is like, just bullshit, game show, reality, garbage bin shit, and he goes, they buy stuff that you could watch while scrolling.

• 22:23Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 22:23Mark Normand?

  That's where we're at.

• 22:24Sam Morril?

  That's where we're at, that's why they're saying like the names out loud, they'll be like, that's right, Steve.

• 22:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:30Sam Morril?

  You don't even have to look, you're like, oh, that guy was Steve.

• 22:31Mark Normand?

  Yes, exactly.

• 22:33Sam Morril?

  Some guy's just scrolling on fucking Hinch.

• 22:35Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 22:35Sam Morril?

  While, like, I mean, by the way, think about how privileged, I mean, maybe it's privileged, maybe it's bad, dude, because you used to go to a movie and you would like really sit down and enjoy it, like, you're not watching Chinatown.

• 22:46Mark Normand?

  No.

• 22:47Sam Morril?

  In the theater while doing anything else.

• 22:48Mark Normand?

  Forget about it.

• 22:49Sam Morril?

  You're blown away, and that's a slow movie.

• 22:51Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 22:51Sam Morril?

  Now, think about how fast paced these movies are, like, you watch an old movie, the credits is like, six minutes.

• 22:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:57Sam Morril?

  It's just words, it's like, directed by blank blank.

• 23:00Mark Normand?

  Over horizon.

• 23:01Sam Morril?

  Over horizon, that's it, and you're like, oh, cool, this is like getting me into the movie.

• 23:04Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 23:05Sam Morril?

  It's hasty me for the movie, and now, you're watching these fast paced movies. And you're just like, who gives a shit?

• 23:11Mark Normand?

  Who gives a shit, yeah.

• 23:13Sam Morril?

  You know why? Cause it's, there's no confidence in a movie like that.

• 23:16Mark Normand?

  Uh-huh.

• 23:17Sam Morril?

  A slow movie at least has the, has the confidence to be like, I'll get you. It's like a low-energy comic who's like, I'll get you, you'll figure it out.

• 23:23Mark Normand?

  Exactly, pacing.

• 23:24Sam Morril?

  But these fast-paced ones are like, it's like you're running up to a girl at a bar and be like, what's your name? Can I buy you a drink? What's going on? There's almost like a lacking of confidence in that type of filmmaking.

• 23:31Mark Normand?

  A hundred percent, but you can't even blame them, cause they're like, no one's gonna watch, no one's gonna get off their phone. But now it's to the point where I'm mad, I'm watching that show, The Pit. Everybody's raving at The Pit, it's a new like ER rip-off.

• 23:42Sam Morril?

  I don't even know what it is.

• 23:43Mark Normand?

  But it's kicked up a notch, it's like a dr- ER shit, emergency room, there it is.

• 23:47Sam Morril?

  And you like it?

• 23:48Mark Normand?

  It's, it's eh, the writing's not great.

• 23:51Sam Morril?

  It's in Pittsburgh?

• 23:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and that's what they call the hospital, like they're out of money, they're understaffed, and it's just bullet wound coming in, guy with a head sawed off, a lady with a...

• 24:00Sam Morril?

  I watched the gynecology spin-off, The clit, it's not as good.

• 24:06Mark Normand?

  But eh, yeah, so, it's good when they're in the middle of the shit, you know, you're like, oh my god, this guy's leg got cut off by a train, holy shit, and they got eight guys working with a scalpel, and the beep beep beep. But, other than that, I don't care about it, and I'm getting angry, cause I'm like, I'm trying to look at my phone here, stop being interesting. That's where I'm at.

• 24:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 24:23Mark Normand?

  I'm watching this bullshit at night going, hey, what are you doing being captivating? I gotta, I gotta tweet to write.

• 24:28Sam Morril?

  Interesting, yeah, so you almost, like, maybe we are ultimately part of the problem, is what it is.

• 24:33Mark Normand?

  Completely, you've been conditioned.

• 24:34Speaker 02

  I heard a Hollywood note, which was, is it second screen-worthy? Is what you're making second screen-worthy?

• 24:40Mark Normand?

  Second screen-worthy?

• 24:42Speaker 02

  I mean, is it good enough what you're making that I won't look at my phone?

• 24:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:46Sam Morril?

  Here's what I do though, I, I make it a point, like, I'm gonna put my phone, if I'm watching like a classic movie, I make it a point to put my phone away, like, I watched this old movie, I, I had a lady over, she wanted to watch an old movie, she, she suggested Belle de Jour, which is a Catherine de Nieuw movie, from like the late 60s, French movie, it's good, it's like she's a bored housewife who just decides she wants to be a whore, basically.

• 25:08Mark Normand?

  Geez.

• 25:09Sam Morril?

  It's good, and she's hot as fuck, dude.

• 25:11Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 25:12Sam Morril?

  Oh my, I mean, look at her, she's ridiculous.

• 25:14Mark Normand?

  Looks like bewitched.

• 25:15Sam Morril?

  She is hot, and, and, but I was like, yeah, let me like give him, I wanna watch this movie, and it helps it has subtitles, cause you can't, that's the good thing about foreign films, you have to pay attention.

• 25:24Mark Normand?

  You have to.

• 25:25Sam Morril?

  That's why I like, I think that's why I'm suddenly like really getting into foreign movies, cause it forces you to put your phone down.

• 25:30Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 25:31Sam Morril?

  Or else you miss a plot point.

• 25:33Mark Normand?

  Totally.

• 25:35Mark Normand?

  She becomes a whore.

• 25:36Sam Morril?

  She becomes a, she's like so bored. Her husband's like a sweet guy and he's, yeah, that's one of her fantasies. She's getting like humiliated. She likes getting, she likes getting tortured and humiliated.

• 25:44Mark Normand?

  This is ahead of its time.

• 25:45Sam Morril?

  Oh, the French don't fucking play, dude. They, they, with sex, remember when the Me Too started? They, they had the not me movement?

• 25:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:52Sam Morril?

  The French don't fuck around with sex.

• 25:55Speaker 02

  Is that cow poop?

• 25:57Sam Morril?

  Uh, they throw mud at her face when they tie her, it's, her fantasies are all about being humiliated. And her husband's like a vanilla, really sweet, uh, attractive doctor. And, uh, she wants to be like dominated and treated like shit. And that's why she, like, it's about sexuality and, and being a prostitute. It's a cool movie. It's like, and she is nice to look at.

• 26:17Mark Normand?

  Is this, this must have not been played in the US. It feels like this would be banned.

• 26:21Sam Morril?

  I don't know. Yeah, I don't, I don't know, but, uh.

• 26:24Mark Normand?

  I've never heard of it.

• 26:24Sam Morril?

  She is a sexy lady.

• 26:26Mark Normand?

  You got that right.

• 26:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but it's, but that's like, I, that's what I love. We were texting about like, you know, all these Danish movies and stuff. I love that I have to put my phone away and I have to just watch. It's good, it's good because you're like, oh, I feel better that I had to give myself to this.

• 26:41Mark Normand?

  Well, you know who's the genius of all this is Josh Johnson. You know about this kid?

• 26:45Sam Morril?

  Of course.

• 26:46Mark Normand?

  He's a friend of mine and he just started putting these long form, which everyone's a clip, short clips, gotta get to the punch, no setup. And he put this long for, he zigged when everyone zagged. And, uh, he's fucking the number two on YouTube or whatever reviews. Like he's huge. Sold out a couple of town halls. He's selling out everywhere. He's doing big theaters.

• 27:04Speaker 02

  Sold out three town halls in one day.

• 27:07Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 27:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:09Mark Normand?

  Good for him.

• 27:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, it's cool. It's cool to see people doing different things for sure.

• 27:13Mark Normand?

  Well, it kind of feels like pot when everyone's like, everything on YouTube's gotta be three minutes. And then Rogan's like, we're gonna do a three hour podcast and it worked.

• 27:20Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 27:20Mark Normand?

  You know? So you never know.

• 27:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, although I will say, they say, you know, brevity is the soul of wit, right? I, I think less is more.

• 27:30Mark Normand?

  I agree.

• 27:31Sam Morril?

  I'm a big fan of less. Uh, and that's why I've been underachieving for years.

• 27:35Mark Normand?

  That's what I tell my wife when I'm scared. Less is more.

• 27:38Sam Morril?

  No, I think, I love, I mean, look, I love short jokes. I love, you know, I, I love a, a story as well if it's done right, but like, I do, I'm never mad that a movie was 90 minutes.

• 27:49Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 27:50Sam Morril?

  You know what I mean? Like, oh, they found.

• 27:53Sam Morril?

  I, I, I love, I love that succession ended after season four because I was like, fuck, I wish it didn't end.

• 27:58Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 27:59Sam Morril?

  And I respect the hell out of that, you know?

• 28:00Mark Normand?

  Leave you wanting more.

• 28:02Sam Morril?

  This scotch is just fucking hitting.

• 28:04Mark Normand?

  I have to like put it over here, it goes down too easy.

• 28:06Sam Morril?

  What is our guest, an hour late now? This is impressive.

• 28:10Mark Normand?

  Well, I think he'll have some guilt on the way in and that'll buy us a good meal.

• 28:14Sam Morril?

  I would love some guilt because you know it's bad when, when you fix the guest a drink and the ice is melting.

• 28:19Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 28:20Sam Morril?

  Not a great sign. I feel like I got stood up on a date here. What do you drink? I'll be there, will ya?

• 28:26Mark Normand?

  We should do ice cream next time and when he shows up, that shit's a puddle. You go, hey, we tried to give you ice cream.

• 28:32Speaker 02

  When he sits down, we should just do his dates and be like, alright, thanks for coming.

• 28:35Mark Normand?

  Hey, that's not bad.

• 28:36Sam Morril?

  I've always, there's a couple guests I would have loved to have done that too.

• 28:39Mark Normand?

  I know, yeah. Why can't the bad guest be late? You know, Al Franken showed up two hours early. Leave that in.

• 28:47Sam Morril?

  But when he's on stage, he...

• 28:48Mark Normand?

  Oh my god.

• 28:50Sam Morril?

  Holy crap.

• 28:51Mark Normand?

  I pull out a pillow, a sleeping hat and a candle and I go...

• 28:54Sam Morril?

  I do. I, I recorded on my phone. I put it next to my ear. I pop an Ambien. I sleep like a baby.

• 29:02Mark Normand?

  Woo, stick to the news Frankie.

• 29:06Sam Morril?

  Lagavulin fucking rules.

• 29:08Mark Normand?

  It's too good.

• 29:09Sam Morril?

  We were drinking this at my place last week. That was good times, man.

• 29:12Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, you were at the Knicks party. That was awesome.

• 29:14Sam Morril?

  Hello Knicks thing, just a few comics just watching the fucking game, but, oh, we got a guest?

• 29:19Mark Normand?

  Hey. Oh, okay.

• 29:23Sam Morril?

  You watching him?

• 29:26Sam Morril?

  I might have to have a round too, buddy.

• 29:28Mark Normand?

  I'll take a squirt.

• 29:29Sam Morril?

  Love a squirt.

• 29:30Mark Normand?

  Just give me that squirt.

• 29:31Sam Morril?

  You ever sleep with a squirter?

• 29:32Mark Normand?

  Yes, old lady once.

• 29:34Sam Morril?

  Old lady squirter?

• 29:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, ruined my whole bed. I didn't have, I had to sleep in it. I had a...

• 29:39Sam Morril?

  That was all the water she had left.

• 29:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:43Speaker 02

  Could have just been a bed wetter.

• 29:45Mark Normand?

  No, it was a, it was a rooster tail. Oh, there he is.

• 29:50Sam Morril?

  Well, we, we poured, we made you a drink.

• 29:53Mark Normand?

  Oh shit.

• 29:55Sam Morril?

  Via corota.

• 29:56Mark Normand?

  What are you, crazy? You don't have to bring gifts?

• 29:58Sam Morril?

  What is this?

• 29:59Mark Normand?

  Whoa, mama.

• 30:02Speaker 04

  Beautiful, independent, black queen.

• 30:05Sam Morril?

  Kiss, thank you.

• 30:08Mark Normand?

  Damn, that was like the Predator Arnold and Carl Weathers right there. Oh, you're in...

• 30:13Mark Normand?

  You're in Brooklyn too.

• 30:13Speaker 04

  You're not supposed to say the neighborhood of the guy on the show.

• 30:15Sam Morril?

  Just bleep it, bleep it and scrambler, we got it.

• 30:18Speaker 04

  Now I'm gonna have a lot of problems.

• 30:19Mark Normand?

  Oh shit, my bad.

• 30:20Speaker 04

  I'm gonna have a ton of problems.

• 30:21Mark Normand?

  You're in Brownsville too.

• 30:24Sam Morril?

  Finish that up so I can pour you in the gr-. Did I pour you a Manhattan or a Negroni?

• 30:28Speaker 04

  I don't really, I don't, I haven't been drinking.

• 30:30Sam Morril?

  Well, we have, we have a drink for you right there.

• 30:31Mark Normand?

  We got you a rum. No, no pressure, but we, we got you a rum, you're right.

• 30:34Sam Morril?

  It's right there, we have a cocktail for you, right there.

• 30:37Mark Normand?

  And we put it out there.

• 30:38Speaker 04

  Cheers, I'm sorry, you know that I'm having bad.

• 30:39Sam Morril?

  No, no, no, we.

• 30:40Mark Normand?

  What happened?

• 30:41Speaker 04

  Very rude, and I just moved back after fifteen years, so I don't, um, I'm, I'm like an hour late to every meeting.

• 30:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, you're doing.

• 30:49Speaker 04

  Cause I don't understand, I'm like, yeah, I'll be there in fifteen minutes, and then, and then I'm like, I'll, I'll cram a bunch of meetings right before.

• 30:55Sam Morril?

  What, what, where were you coming from for this?

• 30:57Speaker 04

  I had a Zoom meeting at my, so I was at my house.

• 31:00Sam Morril?

  Hmm.

• 31:01Speaker 04

  TikTok's gonna go through the roof.

• 31:02Sam Morril?

  Negroni in Manhattan, Norman, what are you doing?

• 31:03Mark Normand?

  I'll do a Manhattan, if you don't mind.

• 31:05Sam Morril?

  I wanna try this.

• 31:06Mark Normand?

  Where, uh, he lives, Manhattan.

• 31:07Speaker 04

  This is good, what did you make?

• 31:09Mark Normand?

  Rum and soda.

• 31:11Sam Morril?

  That's our whiskey.

• 31:11Mark Normand?

  That's our whiskey there, fatty.

• 31:13Sam Morril?

  That's our, that's our whiskey, yeah.

• 31:14Speaker 04

  Congratulations.

• 31:15Mark Normand?

  Thank you, thank you.

• 31:16Speaker 04

  What kind of, where's the rum?

• 31:18Mark Normand?

  We get them on the rum side.

• 31:18Sam Morril?

  What kind of rum did you use?

• 31:20Speaker 04

  What do you, why are you, why are you keeping secrets?

• 31:22Mark Normand?

  It's coming.

• 31:23Sam Morril?

  Which Pat Riley are you wearing right here? Is this like Miami Riley, LA or New York?

• 31:26Speaker 04

  It would only be Miami Riley, cause I'm a Heat fan.

• 31:29Sam Morril?

  Are you a Heat fan?

• 31:31Speaker 04

  I'm from Miami.

• 31:31Sam Morril?

  Fuck.

• 31:32Mark Normand?

  I didn't know that.

• 31:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 31:34Mark Normand?

  Jew and black.

• 31:35Speaker 04

  Jew and black, Haitian and Jewish.

• 31:36Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 31:37Speaker 04

  That's very Miami.

• 31:38Mark Normand?

  Very.

• 31:38Speaker 04

  This is a great rum producer, uh, and I met him in New Orleans.

• 31:44Sam Morril?

  He's a great podcast producer.

• 31:46Speaker 04

  With, uh, him and his son.

• 31:47Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah, he was on time for that one. No one has taken more black people to the promised land, Pat Riley.

• 31:55Sam Morril?

  I just rewatched that special.

• 31:57Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 31:57Sam Morril?

  That's a great fucking special.

• 31:58Speaker 04

  How are the Knicks doing?

• 31:59Sam Morril?

  Knicks are, as of today, we're, we're going tonight, we're, we're still in it.

• 32:01Mark Normand?

  We're going tonight, baby.

• 32:03Sam Morril?

  We're still alive, baby.

• 32:04Mark Normand?

  We're in the nosebleed, but we're going.

• 32:05Speaker 04

  Do you want me to move my shit out of the frame?

• 32:07Mark Normand?

  You're good, you're good. What brings you back to the big app?

• 32:11Speaker 04

  I never wanted to be in LA for so long, it was like, but it's like the Bermuda Triangle, I kept getting sucked back in.

• 32:15Mark Normand?

  But you got to bang Rosario Dawson, so I would move out there for that.

• 32:19Speaker 04

  That was ten years ago, and that was here.

• 32:20Mark Normand?

  Oh shit.

• 32:21Sam Morril?

  New York's better, baby.

• 32:23Speaker 04

  New York.

• 32:25Mark Normand?

  What about Amber Rose?

• 32:27Speaker 04

  You wanna talk about my love life?

• 32:28Mark Normand?

  Sure, you got a good piece.

• 32:30Sam Morril?

  Let's fucking, but put it all out on the table.

• 32:31Speaker 04

  You didn't, you didn't move them up at all, you just went right in. You went right into my love life?

• 32:35Mark Normand?

  We go way back.

• 32:36Sam Morril?

  Finish that, finish that.

• 32:38Speaker 04

  Uh, you married?

• 32:41Speaker 04

  So your love life, you fuck, you fuck your wife?

• 32:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we actually banged the other day.

• 32:46Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, dog, that's sick.

• 32:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, smell my dick.

• 32:49Speaker 04

  I don't wanna do that.

• 32:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:50Speaker 04

  That's crazy.

• 32:52Mark Normand?

  I'm just kidding.

• 32:52Speaker 04

  I'm just dabbing you up for fucking your wife. Smell my dick, that's fucking...

• 32:57Mark Normand?

  There we go.

• 32:58Speaker 04

  It's outrageous. This is an outrageous podcast.

• 33:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:01Speaker 04

  And I, you know what, I didn't think it was gonna be so much blue humor.

• 33:04Mark Normand?

  Well, you're bluing it.

• 33:06Sam Morril?

  We had Ed Helms before you, and he did not, he did not want us to go there, I don't think.

• 33:09Mark Normand?

  He did the view, then us, and he was like, geez.

• 33:12Sam Morril?

  Very cool guy, though.

• 33:13Mark Normand?

  Great guy.

• 33:13Sam Morril?

  But, yeah.

• 33:14Speaker 04

  For me, I keep it clean. I only do clean material.

• 33:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 33:18Speaker 04

  Since the beginning. Never did one dirty joke.

• 33:22Mark Normand?

  I know your whole act, Baconator, the Anthony Bourdain.

• 33:24Speaker 04

  Oh my god, those shows, those jokes are from fifteen years ago.

• 33:28Mark Normand?

  Well, you were making it.

• 33:29Speaker 04

  You're in a fucking, you're in a fucking fog.

• 33:31Mark Normand?

  I remember every-

• 33:32Sam Morril?

  Do you get mad when people remember the really old shit?

• 33:35Mark Normand?

  Well, he hasn't written anything-

• 33:35Speaker 04

  Uh, no, I haven't written any, I haven't written anything since, that's all it is.

• 33:38Sam Morril?

  Cheers.

• 33:38Speaker 04

  I kinda quit.

• 33:39Sam Morril?

  Toast.

• 33:39Speaker 04

  You showing me naked up on the thing? You guys are fucking distracting.

• 33:43Sam Morril?

  We're very distracting.

• 33:44Speaker 04

  Cheers, cheers. What did you, what did you get?

• 33:46Sam Morril?

  I went with, I went with the Manhattan.

• 33:48Speaker 04

  Oh, delicioso.

• 33:50Sam Morril?

  Thank you for the-

• 33:50Mark Normand?

  Thank you, you have to do that.

• 33:52Sam Morril?

  Cocktail, that's very nice.

• 33:53Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 33:53Sam Morril?

  Did, did you pull in-

• 33:54Speaker 04

  Those are ready to drink.

• 33:54Sam Morril?

  Did you pull in a lane and do the juju bees thing? Did you get it on the way here?

• 33:58Speaker 04

  Someone gave it to me as a gift.

• 33:59Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay.

• 33:59Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 34:00Speaker 04

  I can't stand this stuff.

• 34:01Sam Morril?

  Thank you.

• 34:02Mark Normand?

  But, yeah, what a career you've had. You had your own talk show for a price of-

• 34:04Sam Morril?

  This is good.

• 34:06Mark Normand?

  And moved-

• 34:06Speaker 04

  It's not bad?

• 34:07Sam Morril?

  It is good.

• 34:08Mark Normand?

  Uh...

• 34:09Speaker 04

  What do you, man, you look good. You haven't aged that, for a drunk, you haven't aged at all.

• 34:12Mark Normand?

  Hey, I'll take-

• 34:13Speaker 04

  You look young.

• 34:13Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 34:14Speaker 04

  You look fresh, dude.

• 34:15Mark Normand?

  Ooh, and I had a baby, too.

• 34:16Speaker 04

  Did, did you?

• 34:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:17Speaker 04

  Well, how recent?

• 34:18Sam Morril?

  Well, your wife had the baby.

• 34:19Mark Normand?

  Three months, yeah, the wife had the baby. But I watched it come out, yeah.

• 34:22Speaker 04

  You watched it come out?

• 34:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:23Speaker 04

  You saw your wife poop?

• 34:24Mark Normand?

  C-section, no poop.

• 34:26Speaker 04

  Okay, c-section.

• 34:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'll send you the video.

• 34:28Speaker 04

  Okay, nice. Your wi, your wife's Puerto Rican.

• 34:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:32Speaker 04

  Assuming.

• 34:33Mark Normand?

  So she got pregnant just when I looked at her?

• 34:34Speaker 04

  You hugged her, she got pregnant. That's not where I was going with the joke.

• 34:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, oh, sorry.

• 34:40Speaker 04

  You tricked me into a, Cole, you put me in a corner.

• 34:42Sam Morril?

  That was fucking racist, dude.

• 34:45Mark Normand?

  I love the forties, good people.

• 34:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, what are you, what are you working on? You got a podcast?

• 34:53Speaker 04

  Alright, I guess that's, we're on time, I'm gonna-

• 34:56Mark Normand?

  We'll show your dates.

• 34:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, uh, I'm playing at the, uh- Chuckle Factory in Coyote Bladder, Mississippi.

• 35:05Sam Morril?

  That's a good one.

• 35:06Mark Normand?

  Doing stand up?

• 35:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's one of the best.

• 35:07Speaker 04

  I'm not doing stand up anymore. I haven't done stand up since, uh, 2020, like right before COVID. I like filmed my Netflix special. I

• 35:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 35:17Speaker 04

  Edited it, eddi did it, edited it. February 2020, delivered it. And then COVID hit and then people were like, we'll do stand up on Zoom. I was like, I'm not fucking doing stand up on Zoom. And then

• 35:29Sam Morril?

  We're shaking our heads, but we did it.

• 35:31Speaker 04

  And they I taped a special on Zoom. It was terrible.

• 35:35Mark Normand?

  Bombing in your own home.

• 35:37Speaker 04

  It was awful.

• 35:38Mark Normand?

  Nowhere to go. You close the laptop and you're like, I'm

• 35:39Speaker 04

  I remember doing one of them on Zoom and I was just like, let me just, I have no outlet. Let me just work out new jokes here. And one of the comments was like, this is so bad. And I was like, I know. I don't want to be doing this. What about the, the shows where they were at the drive in movie theaters? The honking? Yeah.

• 35:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, no. I don't like stand up as much as you guys. I didn't do those. I don't like stand up regular, you know, like I don't like when everything's set up for us to succeed. I'm still kind of in a bad mood about my set.

• 36:06Mark Normand?

  It's still

• 36:07Speaker 04

  So a fucking car honking and a Zoom.

• 36:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 36:10Speaker 04

  Fucking put a bullet in my brain. So when I came back from

• 36:12Mark Normand?

  If you're really killing, you got the wipers. That's all I remember.

• 36:15Speaker 04

  Oh, oh, you were bad?

• 36:16Mark Normand?

  If you were killing, you got the wipers.

• 36:18Speaker 04

  Oh, killing, what was, what was like bad?

• 36:20Mark Normand?

  Bad was like

• 36:21Speaker 04

  Silence.

• 36:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's silence and maybe

• 36:23Speaker 04

  Fucking nightmare.

• 36:24Mark Normand?

  You know, get off stage. Yeah.

• 36:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 36:26Mark Normand?

  Sorry.

• 36:26Speaker 04

  And then people, then people yell at you. No, just when I came out of COVID, I was like, oh, then when shows started coming back, I was in my 40s and then I was like old and tired at night. And I was like, I don't understand. I'm fucking exhausted.

• 36:41Mark Normand?

  It's a young man's game. You gotta just get up there, bond, fail, yeah.

• 36:45Speaker 04

  And like my sleep is all fucked up. I have insomnia. So like it gives me

• 36:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, people say, a lot of people say they have insomnia, but like how, how How, how bad?

• 36:55Speaker 04

  Well, now I'm on medication.

• 36:57Sam Morril?

  Alright.

• 36:58Speaker 04

  Now I'm medicated and I'm seeing an insomnia specialist.

• 37:00Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 37:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, but it was, it was fucking rough.

• 37:04Mark Normand?

  Uh, cause I get bouts of that. What do you take? Give me some stuff. I'll get some shit.

• 37:08Speaker 04

  You gotta do the orange sunglasses at night.

• 37:10Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 37:11Speaker 04

  Cause that blue light on the screens is killing you.

• 37:13Sam Morril?

  I, I've had people tell me even the wifi, you turn off wifi on your phone and don't put it next to your nightstand, put it on the floor.

• 37:19Speaker 04

  I don't even charge my phone in my room. No electronics in my room. Orange sunglasses at night. You gotta wear those fucking.

• 37:25Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 37:26Speaker 04

  You gotta.

• 37:26Sam Morril?

  I gotta, I gotta order another. I keep losing those.

• 37:28Speaker 04

  And then, and then, uh, I'm on trazodone and Qvivik. I'm on two.

• 37:32Sam Morril?

  What's your, what's your like wind down routine? Like no TV, right? Nothing?

• 37:36Speaker 04

  I just started this with this insomnia specialist. So, uh, no, I can watch TV. I try to do seven hours of sleep. And so at like 10, the blue light blocking glasses come on, 11, the screens go off, brush my teeth, whatever. Get ready for bed, take my medications. And then, and then I go into my bedroom with no electronics and I can only read a book or journal.

• 38:02Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 38:03Speaker 04

  And so I sit, I have like a Moroccan pouf that I sit on. So I sit, I journal, I read a book.

• 38:08Sam Morril?

  This is why Anne Frank slept very well.

• 38:10Speaker 04

  You can't get sleepy, you can't touch your bed until you're like yawning and sleepy.

• 38:14Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 38:14Speaker 04

  You can't associate your bed with tossing and turning because it Pavlovian.

• 38:18Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 38:19Sam Morril?

  Really? I'm a tosser and turner for sure.

• 38:21Mark Normand?

  I did the trazodone.

• 38:22Speaker 04

  It's better to get out of bed if you're tossing and turning more than 15, 20 minutes and just go read by candlelight. You want dim light. Read by candlelight, journal. It's a fucking, I'm living in the medieval times.

• 38:33Mark Normand?

  The Amish must be just 10 hours a night. They must be getting great sleep.

• 38:37Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 38:37Mark Normand?

  No screens, candles.

• 38:38Sam Morril?

  I, I do a king, I have a king sized bed, but I have two twin mattresses because I don't want to annoy the person next to me that I'm tossing and turning that much.

• 38:45Speaker 04

  This is your wife or it's a stranger?

• 38:46Sam Morril?

  I'm, I'm single. It's just hopeful that it's, that I won't annoy the next person.

• 38:50Speaker 04

  An unlucky lady.

• 38:51Sam Morril?

  And very unlucky.

• 38:52Speaker 04

  I got a sleep app machine, so now I'm locked in.

• 38:54Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 38:54Sam Morril?

  Sleep app?

• 38:55Speaker 04

  Sleep app, yeah. I'm like fucking Bane. I got a whole system. I got a silk bonnet I wear.

• 39:00Mark Normand?

  Jeez, you can't get laid with this.

• 39:02Speaker 04

  No, I look horrible.

• 39:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 39:04Sam Morril?

  Silk bonnet.

• 39:05Mark Normand?

  I did the Trazodone, I blew through it. It worked for like a week and then I was like, I'm up. It did, I wore through it.

• 39:10Speaker 04

  You can always go up in dosage.

• 39:12Sam Morril?

  What about like a Unisom?

• 39:13Speaker 04

  What is that?

• 39:14Sam Morril?

  It's like a sleep tablet.

• 39:14Speaker 04

  Oh, that's like a Benadryl.

• 39:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you get used to that.

• 39:17Speaker 04

  I think in a pinch, you take that stuff, but I don't think you can take that all the time. Trazodone's a SSRI or an SNRI or something, so I think you can take it. I want to wean off it, but for now, I'm like, I had to stop the bleeding, it was real bad.

• 39:28Mark Normand?

  I tell you, I got hooked on Xanax for a while, because it works.

• 39:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, same with me. Same with you, it's the only thing that knocked me out, that fucked me up.

• 39:33Mark Normand?

  Me too, but I was like licking the inside of the bag and shit, and I was like, I gotta stop, I gotta stop.

• 39:37Speaker 04

  I was like, no more. So I called my psychiatrist, so I was like, just Klonopin.

• 39:43Mark Normand?

  You got any?

• 39:44Speaker 04

  I sure do.

• 39:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, I'll buy it from you.

• 39:46Speaker 04

  They go, they make every drink two for one.

• 39:50Sam Morril?

  I think they, I think they put peach in this. I think there's peach bitters in this, it's fucking delicious.

• 39:54Speaker 04

  This guy, Samoyed.

• 39:55Sam Morril?

  It's really good.

• 39:57Mark Normand?

  Samoyed.

• 40:00Mark Normand?

  So, uh, yeah, it was good to have you back in the.

• 40:02Sam Morril?

  Fucked up, you call me gay, dude. That was, that was fucking weird.

• 40:06Speaker 04

  Who do you hate the least? Or who do you hate the most?

• 40:09Mark Normand?

  Who do I hate?

• 40:09Speaker 04

  Who's the one that you're like, you know what, kinda glad he's dead?

• 40:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, uh, well, Patrice could be mean. Phyllis Diller, I never got to do.

• 40:19Speaker 04

  I've never met him, never met him.

• 40:20Sam Morril?

  I just, I was never.

• 40:22Speaker 04

  And this is Kurt Cobain. For Smash Mouth.

• 40:25Mark Normand?

  That's actually a rifle, man.

• 40:28Speaker 04

  This is the picture of him killing.

• 40:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 40:31Mark Normand?

  There's Michael Che, Judy Gold.

• 40:36Speaker 04

  Another picture of Judy Gold.

• 40:38Sam Morril?

  And next to him, Judy Gold as well.

• 40:40Speaker 04

  Another picture of Judy.

• 40:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, man.

• 40:42Sam Morril?

  She's not even dead, you got three of her.

• 40:44Mark Normand?

  Got some strays, as the kids say.

• 40:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, so he was mean to you, what did he say?

• 40:50Mark Normand?

  Well, he was just, you know, a scary guy. He would, he would cut you to the bone. One time, my friend opened for him and he bombed, and my friend had glasses.

• 40:57Sam Morril?

  Who was this?

• 40:58Mark Normand?

  I don't want to say his name, because he's very sensitive about it, but I'll tell you after. So then he opens up, he had a mediocre set, and then he just, Patrice walks up and goes, ugh, I hate when these alt f's open for me. And that was the first line of his set.

• 41:10Sam Morril?

  Did it kill?

• 41:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it killed. It's a different time.

• 41:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:14Mark Normand?

  But, uh, and he was a funny guy, too.

• 41:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'm sure he looked up to Patrice, because everyone thought Patrice was hilarious.

• 41:21Mark Normand?

  Everyone loved Patrice, his comedy.

• 41:23Sam Morril?

  I don't, yeah, his comedy, I've heard the controversial things. Yeah, I don't know if I'd love to hang with him, but I liked watching his Elephant in the Room.

• 41:31Speaker 04

  What do you think that is, a personality disorder?

• 41:32Mark Normand?

  Definitely.

• 41:33Speaker 04

  Or just profound depression? Hates himself, hates everybody.

• 41:37Sam Morril?

  Probably, probably just, some people just love confrontation and conflict and just want, they just wanna fuck with you.

• 41:45Speaker 04

  With people that are severely depressed and hate you.

• 41:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, this is pre-therapy.

• 41:50Speaker 04

  Giant hole in their heart that would never-

• 41:52Sam Morril?

  I think Patrice would break a therapist.

• 41:55Speaker 04

  Or he's a sociopath.

• 41:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 41:57Speaker 04

  Maybe a sociopath.

• 41:58Mark Normand?

  There's a little of that in there, for sure.

• 42:00Sam Morril?

  Yep. But Danny was funny.

• 42:02Speaker 04

  He loved animals?

• 42:03Mark Normand?

  He loved animals.

• 42:04Sam Morril?

  He's Tony Soprano.

• 42:05Speaker 04

  What do you mean?

• 42:06Mark Normand?

  Like, he's a classic, if an animal's in pain, I feel horrible, but I'll ruin a human's life.

• 42:11Speaker 04

  You think, you think he was abused when he was a kid?

• 42:14Sam Morril?

  I would assume he had a terrible childhood.

• 42:16Speaker 04

  Terrible childhood.

• 42:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 42:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but, Elephant in the Room, great special.

• 42:19Sam Morril?

  Great special, dude, I loved it. Yeah, the other ones didn't capture his greatness, like, the one-night-stand for HBO he did was like, he was doing like, street jokes at the end.

• 42:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:27Sam Morril?

  It was just weird, it was like, you're brilliant, clearly, but you're, it's like, you're just bored or something.

• 42:32Speaker 04

  You gotta see Stand Up Live, I never feel like he captured it on.

• 42:35Mark Normand?

  It's hard.

• 42:36Speaker 04

  He's always missing something when you watch it.

• 42:37Sam Morril?

  He certainly was, he was definitely missing something. Yeah, you have to see, there has to be this like, danger in the air or something.

• 42:42Mark Normand?

  Especially you, I feel like you're all live.

• 42:44Sam Morril?

  I don't do stand-up.

• 42:45Mark Normand?

  Well, when you did, you, you got, you had an energy about you that, that no one could follow, and no one wanted to follow.

• 42:50Sam Morril?

  Thank you.

• 42:51Mark Normand?

  Well, we're all doing just like, uh, what's the deal with, uh, Cheerios, and you were like, you ever get an anal fissure?

• 43:02Speaker 04

  You ever get an anal fissure?

• 43:03Mark Normand?

  You remember, you remember the Bourdain bit about diarrhea?

• 43:06Speaker 04

  Not really.

• 43:06Mark Normand?

  What? That was one of my favorites, about how he must've had the worst diarrhea on the planet.

• 43:10Speaker 04

  No, you know what, that joke lasted like, two shows and you were at one of them.

• 43:14Mark Normand?

  I caught it, I was like, that's a keeper.

• 43:16Sam Morril?

  I remember some of your stuff, I remember, I think I met you at the Underground Lounge on 107th, like, way back in the day. I was, I was out barking for those, those were not fun shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:27Speaker 04

  Bringer shows, barking.

• 43:29Sam Morril?

  Barking was crazy, yeah.

• 43:30Mark Normand?

  How about the Jamaican bit about cops, bad boys?

• 43:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I only have like forty-five minutes worth of jokes.

• 43:36Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 43:37Speaker 04

  After twenty-two years.

• 43:38Sam Morril?

  Did you, did you tour it all or no?

• 43:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, I toured, I toured last year, but the Eric Andre Show Live, and then before that, I toured twenty nineteen, twenty twenty, filmed it, sent it into Netflix, and then never did stand up again. I did like a little bit. Che pulled me out on.

• 43:53Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 43:53Speaker 04

  Stage, a year ago, I think, and he was like, you're doing stand-up, and I was like, I don't know, it's too hard.

• 44:00Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 44:00Speaker 04

  Because now you're, you're just coming out. I'll, I'll sit with, me and Will Silvins will sit next to you and, and help you out. I'd go, okay.

• 44:06Sam Morril?

  I, I miss seeing Che do stand-up, because I think he had like.

• 44:08Speaker 04

  Isn't he still doing his show?

• 44:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but I don't see, he doesn't, we don't see him come around everywhere.

• 44:12Speaker 04

  He doesn't like hit the.

• 44:13Mark Normand?

  No.

• 44:14Speaker 04

  Pay, pound the pavement.

• 44:15Sam Morril?

  But he used to always come through the cellar and like, you know, and his mind is so, is so sharp, like he has such great premises and stuff, so I, I would like seeing him work out and it not work. I was kinda like, oh, this is just like fun to watch.

• 44:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:27Speaker 04

  This is the first drink I've had in a long time.

• 44:29Mark Normand?

  How the hell?

• 44:29Sam Morril?

  Really? You quit comedy, you quit alcohol, what are you still doing?

• 44:33Speaker 04

  I didn't really drink, I didn't really quit alcohol, I'm just like, puffs me up, man, I'm trying to fucking.

• 44:37Mark Normand?

  We're trying to puff you.

• 44:38Speaker 04

  My old jeans.

• 44:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:39Speaker 04

  No, puffs me up.

• 44:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, puffs.

• 44:41Sam Morril?

  No, I'm feeling puffy, dude.

• 44:42Speaker 04

  I'm puffed up.

• 44:43Mark Normand?

  Alright, this is the juke side.

• 44:44Speaker 04

  I wanna fit, and I wanna fit my old jeans.

• 44:46Mark Normand?

  Alright, well, how the hell?

• 44:47Speaker 04

  Slide in those old fucking wranglers.

• 44:50Mark Normand?

  Well, the sweatpants will help.

• 44:51Speaker 04

  No, the sweatpants is because I'm fucking.

• 44:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you look fine.

• 44:55Speaker 04

  I just, I just lost thirty pounds.

• 44:57Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 44:57Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 44:58Mark Normand?

  Ozempic?

• 44:59Speaker 04

  Uh, Manjaro.

• 45:00Mark Normand?

  There it is.

• 45:01Speaker 04

  Really, any needle.

• 45:01Sam Morril?

  What is that?

• 45:02Mark Normand?

  Is that the black version? What is that?

• 45:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:05Mark Normand?

  Okay, it's kinda like, uh, the, the.

• 45:08Speaker 04

  I saw the ad on BET.

• 45:12Mark Normand?

  Who was the black version? It was Johnson and Johnson, and the white, he got Moderna, I think.

• 45:16Sam Morril?

  Is that right?

• 45:16Mark Normand?

  I think so.

• 45:18Speaker 04

  Nobody knows.

• 45:19Mark Normand?

  Nah.

• 45:20Speaker 04

  Nah. Hey, how'd you guys come up with this fucking silly shit?

• 45:24Mark Normand?

  Drinking.

• 45:24Sam Morril?

  Drinking, old, old drinking buddy.

• 45:28Mark Normand?

  Manjar, is that a shot in the ass?

• 45:29Speaker 04

  No, it's an Italian sauce.

• 45:32Mark Normand?

  Sounds like a slur. Couple of Manjaros moved into the neighborhood.

• 45:35Speaker 04

  Couple of Manjaros in here, you know who we gotta get rid of in this country. Uh, what's a white Negroni? It's got tequila in it?

• 45:43Sam Morril?

  Oh shit.

• 45:43Mark Normand?

  It's on time is what it is.

• 45:46Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 45:46Speaker 04

  Hello.

• 45:47Mark Normand?

  Um, but yeah. How the hell did you sell the Eric Andre show? How do you do that? The show's wacky, you're falling through a table, you're naked.

• 45:54Speaker 04

  Everybody passed, everybody passed except Adult Swim. So it wasn't like it was, it wasn't selling like hotcakes. There wasn't a bidding war.

• 46:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:00Speaker 04

  But Adult Swim hadn't, they were looking for a talk show at the time, cause they hadn't had Space Ghost on the air for a while, so.

• 46:06Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 46:07Speaker 04

  So I made like a little demo reel with Hannibal in this like shitty abandoned bodega in Bushwick or Bed-Stuy.

• 46:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:15Speaker 04

  Like a rat's nest. And, uh, sorry, sorry, excuse me. And, um, I like taught myself final cut and I.

• 46:23Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 46:24Speaker 04

  I like, it took me like a year to edit together a seven minute.

• 46:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:28Speaker 04

  And I sent it.

• 46:29Sam Morril?

  Did you do, you did it yourself? Oh, it was on the air yet, sorry.

• 46:32Speaker 04

  No, no, no, it was on the air, no.

• 46:34Mark Normand?

  Wow, and that's how you sold it? You showed them the, the.

• 46:36Speaker 04

  I showed them a tape. I'm literally going up to Nick Weidenfeld, who was the.

• 46:41Mark Normand?

  That's his buddy.

• 46:42Speaker 04

  VP of development. I was like showing him the first cuts at parties on my like iPhone one. And I was like, hey, I'm not done with this yet. I'm learning how to.

• 46:53Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 46:54Speaker 04

  And he's like, well, when you're done, show me.

• 46:55Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 46:56Speaker 04

  And then like, I kept like just showing. And then a year went by, and then when he sent it to Mike Lazo, who was his boss at the time, who ran the, the network, he like loved it instantly. And that was 2010. Thanksgiving 2010, I was in Guatemala.

• 47:11Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 47:12Speaker 04

  Very good email. And then it was like, let's do a pilot. And that was 2011. And then, then they picked it up.

• 47:16Mark Normand?

  And brilliant to bring Hannibal on, who is the lowest energy guy on the planet. And you're the highest. And it was a fun little juxtaposition.

• 47:23Speaker 04

  Best compliment I ever got was, uh, about that pairing was Chris Rock called me, like after the first season, and he goes, "The reason your show works is because there's no two black guys that have less in common."

• 47:39Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's great. Yeah. And the show was wild. And you'd have stars on, and then you could tell they didn't get it. They were freaked out.

• 47:45Speaker 04

  You don't want to tell them, you don't want them to get it.

• 47:47Sam Morril?

  So you, you gave them no prep?

• 47:48Speaker 04

  Nothing.

• 47:49Sam Morril?

  So, so when.

• 47:50Speaker 04

  In the beginning, we were like, well, we'll tell them some things. We'll tell them, like, maybe season one. And then we realized if you tell them anything, or you tell even one guest something, and the other nineteen guests aren't in on it, it ruins it for everybody. Like, everybody has to be completely in the dark, and every prank has to be a hundred percent real.

• 48:06Sam Morril?

  So, so I-

• 48:07Speaker 04

  Or you jeopardize the stakes of the whole show.

• 48:09Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 48:10Sam Morril?

  When you have a-

• 48:10Speaker 04

  So there's never fake reactions, there's never fr- nobody's in on it. There's never, uh... Yeah, we learned that quick.

• 48:17Mark Normand?

  Lauren Conrad, I mean, she's not-

• 48:19Speaker 04

  She was very upset. She was very upset.

• 48:20Mark Normand?

  She's not gonna get it?

• 48:21Speaker 04

  Well, I vomited on the guest.

• 48:24Mark Normand?

  What the [bleep] you bankin', nigga?

• 48:29Mark Normand?

  She's terrified. Oh, that's great.

• 48:32Speaker 04

  He's a little stressed.

• 48:39Sam Morril?

  Did you ever break on these?

• 48:40Speaker 04

  No, because it takes so much prep. So much goes into it. When you have somebody on the hook, you don't want to ruin it. Trying to do the Manson swastika, I might-

• 48:48Mark Normand?

  Almost got it.

• 48:50Speaker 04

  It's hard to do it without a mirror.

• 48:51Mark Normand?

  She's gonna kill herself after this.

• 48:53Sam Morril?

  I'm listening.

• 48:57Mark Normand?

  Hannibal got it.

• 48:57Speaker 04

  Eat the lettuce.

• 48:58Sam Morril?

  He got it.

• 48:59Speaker 04

  Right, just straight up eat the lettuce.

• 49:01Sam Morril?

  What, uh...

• 49:07Speaker 04

  Hey, have you ever heard a guitar before?

• 49:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 49:10Speaker 04

  They're like, "Woo wee, woo wee wee."

• 49:18Mark Normand?

  It's like between two ferns on Kevin.

• 49:20Sam Morril?

  Did anyone ever walk off set like-

• 49:21Speaker 04

  She walked off on the second part, yeah. She walks and T.I. walks.

• 49:25Sam Morril?

  What about, uh, like, when you had Stacy Dash on, I remember that one, and, uh-

• 49:29Speaker 04

  She wa- she jumped up because there were rats coming out of the-

• 49:31Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 49:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:34Mark Normand?

  She's very attractive.

• 49:34Speaker 04

  She was, she was like game.

• 49:35Sam Morril?

  She is attractive.

• 49:36Mark Normand?

  Hot lady.

• 49:37Speaker 04

  She's very attractive.

• 49:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, when you whipped out Obama's dick, that was, that was pretty, that was a good, that was a good one right there.

• 49:43Speaker 05

  No.

• 49:43Speaker 04

  And I didn't want to get political.

• 49:48Mark Normand?

  Damn, that's fun. Donald Glover must have got it. He's a comic.

• 49:51Speaker 04

  Well, he knew I'm a fucker, but he didn't know what we were gonna do.

• 49:54Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:55Sam Morril?

  Was there anyone you were dying to get on that you couldn't get on?

• 49:58Speaker 04

  Bill Cosby.

• 49:59Sam Morril?

  That would have been nice.

• 50:00Speaker 04

  Especially during the Hannibal shit.

• 50:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah, sure.

• 50:03Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 50:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah, damn.

• 50:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he doesn't even like bad language. And you come out with a fucking chainsaw and a swastika.

• 50:10Speaker 04

  Well, it's more of the fact that Hannibal.

• 50:12Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 50:12Speaker 04

  Uh, you know, presented the world with this certain information about him that we all knew for forty years.

• 50:21Mark Normand?

  I remember that.

• 50:22Speaker 04

  What a weird.

• 50:23Sam Morril?

  What a weird thing to just do.

• 50:24Speaker 04

  Why didn't, why did they cover it up? I didn't see the documentary, but like, they're like, ah, just, shh, hey, NBC, everybody, his wife, everybody's just like, well, hey, it's okay, he's Cosby, he's a little crazy.

• 50:35Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 50:35Speaker 04

  But I don't know, man, he's a fucking serial rapist.

• 50:38Sam Morril?

  We all go, we all go on riffs during sets on the road that you don't like, think about, you don't think it's gonna destroy Cosby.

• 50:45Speaker 04

  Oh, no, I could tell that was like a throwaway joke.

• 50:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 50:48Speaker 04

  Working on it, and then everybody, everybody was itching to take him down, I think.

• 50:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 50:52Speaker 04

  And then he's like, for some reason, broke the camel's back.

• 50:55Sam Morril?

  I didn't.

• 50:55Speaker 04

  It was in the, it was in the ether.

• 50:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, for sure. We all heard it.

• 50:58Sam Morril?

  I didn't know, I didn't know, uh, he did that until I was like a door guy at Broadway Comedy Club and Mike DiStefano, I remember him, was on stage and he was like, he did a joke about, he's like, yeah, I'm dirty, but Cosby's clean, he's a fucking rapist. And I was like, he is? I didn't know. I, I had to like go online, I was like, oh, I guess he's like a bad guy. I didn't know that.

• 51:15Speaker 04

  Oh, shit.

• 51:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, that was around.

• 51:16Speaker 04

  That was before Hannibal called him out?

• 51:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it was before.

• 51:19Speaker 04

  Oh, shit.

• 51:19Sam Morril?

  But it was at Broadway Comedy Club and nothing leaves that room. Just, everything dies in that room.

• 51:25Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 51:25Speaker 04

  I miss Mike.

• 51:26Sam Morril?

  He was a funny guy.

• 51:27Speaker 04

  He was so funny.

• 51:28Sam Morril?

  Very funny.

• 51:29Speaker 04

  He had the fucking best joke. He goes, he goes, this woman came up to me after a show and said, you know, calling women the C-word is like calling black people the N-word. And he goes, yeah, but I'm not worried about a bunch of C-words beating me up after the show.

• 51:46Sam Morril?

  He was so good. Dude, the one he did on Last Comic Stand, the one about like his agents, like, uh, faxed me a bio, he's like, bio, I fucking yell at strangers.

• 51:53Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 51:54Sam Morril?

  This joke, yeah. And he's like, what did you do before comedy? He's like, I was a drug counselor. What did you do before that? I was a drug addict. What did you do before that? I was twelve.

• 52:04Sam Morril?

  He was so funny.

• 52:05Mark Normand?

  So funny.

• 52:07Speaker 04

  Put him up on this fucking.

• 52:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 52:08Sam Morril?

  Damn. Mike DiStefano.

• 52:10Speaker 04

  Dench over and over again.

• 52:11Mark Normand?

  That's a good point. Get old Mike D.

• 52:14Speaker 04

  And what else did he have?

• 52:15Mark Normand?

  He died of AIDS.

• 52:16Speaker 04

  He, he did die.

• 52:17Mark Normand?

  Right?

• 52:18Sam Morril?

  Heart attack, but I don't think AIDS was doing him any favors.

• 52:21Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 52:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 52:22Mark Normand?

  Shit, sorry, Mike.

• 52:23Speaker 04

  And then, uh, he, uh, had a joke, uh, he goes, I went to a Chinese restaurant, they had a suggestion box. I wrote in free Tibet.

• 52:34Speaker 04

  Oddly woke for the like least woke guy.

• 52:37Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 52:38Sam Morril?

  Oh, no, he was so, so funny.

• 52:40Mark Normand?

  Uh, he was great. Somebody asked him on an interview what his voice was, how'd you find your voice? And he yelled at the guy for like six minutes, he's like, my voice, I'm trying to get laughs up here, get the fuck out of my face.

• 52:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. My voice.

• 52:51Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 52:52Sam Morril?

  Forty-four, forty-four is brutal.

• 52:54Speaker 04

  He was forty-four, but he looked like he was like sixty-four.

• 52:56Sam Morril?

  I feel like in that like two-year span, so many comics died, like Geraldo, Patrice, Robert Schimmel, like so many comics just.

• 53:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, comics aren't health nuts.

• 53:04Sam Morril?

  No, no.

• 53:05Mark Normand?

  They kinda are now, which is weird. A lot of sobriety.

• 53:08Speaker 02

  Death came hours after filming a video for Funny or Die.

• 53:11Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 53:12Speaker 04

  And then he died.

• 53:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 53:13Mark Normand?

  Funeral home in the Bronx, look at that.

• 53:16Sam Morril?

  Fuck, dude.

• 53:17Mark Normand?

  R.I.P.

• 53:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, comedy's not healthy, comics aren't health nuts.

• 53:23Mark Normand?

  Nah.

• 53:23Speaker 04

  Clearly, there's something wrong.

• 53:25Mark Normand?

  Sure, that's part of the fun.

• 53:27Speaker 04

  There's clearly.

• 53:28Mark Normand?

  But, I'm sure.

• 53:30Speaker 04

  Apparently clear.

• 53:31Mark Normand?

  I'm sure there's garbage men who got problems too.

• 53:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:33Sam Morril?

  Everyone's got problems.

• 53:34Speaker 04

  Everybody's got problems.

• 53:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 53:35Speaker 04

  A mess, everybody's a fucking disaster.

• 53:37Mark Normand?

  As we sip on our second.

• 53:39Sam Morril?

  These are fucking phenomenal.

• 53:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, okay, good.

• 53:42Sam Morril?

  I'm putting these away for a rainy day, we're getting fucking lit up on these, they're great.

• 53:45Mark Normand?

  Thank you, for the gift.

• 53:46Sam Morril?

  What a cool gift.

• 53:48Mark Normand?

  Are you doing the rounds for the pod? The circuit, the press?

• 53:51Speaker 04

  I'm doing a little round.

• 53:53Sam Morril?

  What else you doing?

• 53:54Speaker 04

  I can't remember.

• 53:56Speaker 04

  I can't remember.

• 53:57Mark Normand?

  Can I ask you about your movie?

• 53:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:00Mark Normand?

  All right, I.

• 54:00Speaker 04

  Do whatever you want.

• 54:00Mark Normand?

  I thought it was innovative.

• 54:02Speaker 04

  Thanks, you're talking about Bad Trip?

• 54:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:04Speaker 04

  Thank you, man.

• 54:04Mark Normand?

  Cause the reactions were real, right?

• 54:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:06Mark Normand?

  That was a brilliant move, sorry.

• 54:08Speaker 04

  You got it, you can't fake a reaction.

• 54:10Mark Normand?

  You can't fake a reaction.

• 54:11Speaker 04

  You fake one, you compromise all of them.

• 54:13Mark Normand?

  Here, here, so how'd you do it? You just shot it in the middle and you'd have these car crashes?

• 54:17Speaker 04

  It took seven and a half years.

• 54:18Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 54:19Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 54:19Speaker 04

  Earliest writings to airing the movie, it was almost eight years.

• 54:23Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 54:24Speaker 04

  And, uh, and it was supposed to debut at, um, South by Southwest, uh, March twenty twenty, and then COVID happened.

• 54:32Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 54:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, and then it was nowhere, and then, um. MGM tried to sell it to Quibi behind their backs. But the only reason they got busted with their hand in the cookie jar is because they told, "Oh, my producer, Jeff Tremaine, had final cut and they had to ask him for,

• 54:51Speaker 04

  they had to ask him for permission to cut it into little Quibi iPhone segments." And he's like, "What the fuck's going on here?" And they were like, "Yeah, we tried to sell it to Netflix, they didn't want it." And then we called Netflix and they were like, "Well, we absolutely want this."

• 55:03Sam Morril?

  Oh, wow.

• 55:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, and they were like, MGM was willing to take it at a loss.

• 55:07Sam Morril?

  And you're like, "Hold on, let me go back to Quibi real quick."

• 55:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:10Sam Morril?

  Quibi's kinda cool.

• 55:13Speaker 04

  But it was number one on Netflix in the US.

• 55:16Sam Morril?

  We've offered Quibi, CISA, we're fucking, we're crushing.

• 55:19Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:20Mark Normand?

  Damn, it's such a cool movie. It's got a Buster Keaton vibe and Haddish killed it.

• 55:24Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, she killed it. She thrives in those.

• 55:26Mark Normand?

  She does. I think I could have fucked her.

• 55:28Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah?

• 55:29Mark Normand?

  She was all over me. We did a run together.

• 55:31Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 55:32Mark Normand?

  On the, on the road and, uh, yeah, I think she likes the honky.

• 55:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, and you, and you blew it.

• 55:37Mark Normand?

  Well, I was, uh...

• 55:39Speaker 04

  You were too shy.

• 55:39Mark Normand?

  I was married.

• 55:40Sam Morril?

  She did sleep with, she did sleep with a friend of mine who's a white guy.

• 55:43Mark Normand?

  Uh-huh.

• 55:43Sam Morril?

  And he's very white, he's Irish.

• 55:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's whiter than me.

• 55:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 55:46Speaker 04

  Well, it gets whiter than Irish, Swedish.

• 55:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Maybe Gaffigan after that. Yeah.

• 55:52Sam Morril?

  Oh, fuck. Those Scandinavian countries are fun, man. I just toured the fucking, and Sandy, oh my god, going to like, you go to, you hit Copenhagen, man, you hit a little Stockholm.

• 56:02Speaker 04

  I have rough, I have rough, uh, stand-up. Internationally, stand-up is hit or miss, I feel like.

• 56:07Sam Morril?

  Of course, but it's hit or miss in fucking America, too. I mean, shit, I had a bad set in Columbus, Ohio, too, you know?

• 56:13Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 56:14Speaker 04

  I, I almost got punched in the face on stage in Columbus, Ohio.

• 56:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 56:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, this, um, young gal, I would say she's like 21, very drunk, very, um, loud in the, not the front row, but maybe, let's say, the third row. Wouldn't stop talking, on her phone, belligerent drunk, just classic annoying, uh, audience member, right? And she's interrupt, she's stepping on my punchline, she's fucking huge distraction, so I go, I'm like riffing with her, I'm trying to like get her to shut the fuck up in the most polite way, then... I go, "Give me your phone." And I took her cellphone and I, I looked up "Mom" in her cellphone and I wrote, "Mom, I've always had a thing for Dad." Send. And then, and then everyone's like, "Bah!" And then I gave it back to her and she was like, "Bah, bah, bah, bah."

• 57:03Speaker 04

  And then she wanted to shut the fuck up again. So I grabbed it back and I, I went to the audience. I go, "Everybody pass her phone around and send crazy texts to whoever you want."

• 57:12Mark Normand?

  That's brilliant.

• 57:13Speaker 04

  And go nuts and pass it all around. And by the time it made it back to her, she like fucking saw red and turned into a cartoon thermometer. It was like, "Ah!" And jumped on stage and swung like a big haymaker.

• 57:26Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 57:27Speaker 04

  And I was like, "Whoa." And I looked back at security and they're just laughing. They're like, "This guy's crazy." And then these two college kids, I grabbed her and like escorted her out. And then, then security was like, "Oh, maybe we drag her out. Maybe this isn't part of the show." And then, uh, and then I finished my set and then, and, and also that was like the height. I couldn't really, I cut my set short because I couldn't go back to like, "Hey, Iraq, that place is fucked, right?" So, uh, I like wrapped it up quick and then I got offstage and then like I went out to go home or to sell merch or something like through the front. And she was like waiting there for me and she was like, "Can I get a selfie?"

• 58:07Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 58:07Speaker 04

  I was like, "What?"

• 58:09Mark Normand?

  Poison phone? No, thank you.

• 58:12Mark Normand?

  Maybe that's what happened with Will Smith. We didn't know Chris Rock was doing that to his phone the whole time.

• 58:17Speaker 04

  There's more to the story.

• 58:19Sam Morril?

  That is a, that is a-

• 58:20Mark Normand?

  And then Chris Rock going, "Can I get a selfie?"

• 58:25Sam Morril?

  That's a brilliant move for heck, the, the hijacking of the phone and the pass around is-

• 58:29Mark Normand?

  You fuck with my life, I'm fucking with your life, bitch.

• 58:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no. It was, she was like out of control, belligerent.

• 58:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:36Speaker 04

  And just like stepping on, I'd set up a joke for however many minutes and then she'd like crumple the fucking punchline. I'm like, "Lady, you're fucking killing me."

• 58:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:45Speaker 04

  You know how it goes.

• 58:46Mark Normand?

  Those punchlines, all I have.

• 58:47Speaker 04

  What's the worst, uh, what's the worst bomb you've ever had?

• 58:50Mark Normand?

  Poo, I got so many.

• 58:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, tell me, tell me some, tell me some stinkers.

• 58:54Mark Normand?

  Uh, my worst bomb ever, I did a roast of like a hedge fund. I've told this story before. But this guy hit me up. I did a cellar set. This is 10 years ago. It went well and he goes, "Uh, I got a five grand with your name on it. You come into my company and roast all my employees. I'll give you five grand." I was like, "That's the most money I've ever seen."

• 59:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're like, "Huga booga."

• 59:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:29Mark Normand?

  So that's the whole thing that I'm like, oh, I better move over here. Hey, Bob, we all know you got coke, coke problem. And he's like, shut the fuck up. His wife's like, I thought you went to rehab.

• 1:01:37Speaker 04

  Oh, my fucking lord, you destroyed people's lives.

• 1:01:41Mark Normand?

  Lives are crying, kids are crying.

• 1:01:43Sam Morril?

  Jeff Ross goes on after you and murders.

• 1:01:46Mark Normand?

  Exactly. So I'm bombing within like, you know, four, four jokes, you know, and they're mad. People are getting up and leaving and I can see the guy in the back who booked me like, what the fuck, man? What are you doing? And I'm like, you gave me this shit.

• 1:01:58Speaker 04

  What am I doing? You set me up for this.

• 1:02:00Mark Normand?

  You set me up.

• 1:02:01Speaker 04

  You should have bought him on stage. You go, what do you mean?

• 1:02:03Mark Normand?

  What do you mean? Yeah. So about eight minutes in, I'm like ruining lives. So I go into my act, you know, I'm like, Uber's, uh, what's up with Uber? Five stars? Come on. How about one star? You know, and that's bombing, of course, because of the whole room's in a pandemonium.

• 1:02:17Speaker 04

  Well, yeah.

• 1:02:18Mark Normand?

  And so I cut it short. I did like 17 or 18 minutes, got the fuck, I supposed to do an hour.

• 1:02:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, long as 20 minutes of your life.

• 1:02:24Mark Normand?

  I find the guy's like having a meltdown on the back deck. He's like on the phone. He's like, I'm so sorry, Bob. And I go, hey, man, I just gotta get my check. And he goes, I shouldn't give this to you. And he put the cigar up to the corner of the check. He's like, you're lucky. I'm a nice guy. I'm giving this to you. You ruined my whole fucking day, my whole event. And I was like.

• 1:02:39Speaker 04

  You told me to do this, you fucking idiot.

• 1:02:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I got the check and I took the Metro North back home.

• 1:02:43Sam Morril?

  Cash it first thing in the morning.

• 1:02:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:45Speaker 04

  Run for your life.

• 1:02:46Sam Morril?

  I did one, I did, I did a hell gig. I mean, so many, but one that jumps out to me is I, I was a door guy at Broadway Comedy Club and they would throw you up every once in a while. I bought, the waitstaff loved me because I was just one of them.

• 1:02:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:57Sam Morril?

  But I bombed so fucking hard. I don't know, this guy just keeps heckling me and I couldn't do shit. I kept, I had a couple witty lines and then you run out because he starts, because he's one of those dudes who can't take being insulted. And I remember he just went like, you fucking, he was like, look at your fucking shitty pants. I was like, yeah, they're like bad pants. I'm like a door guy at Broadway Comedy Club, you know? And he's like, you fucking, and I just started hammering him. He can't take it. I don't know what I said, but I said, I called him like garbage or something. And he was like, what did you say? And he stood up and I was like, oh, boy. And I just remember him walking toward the stage and I'm like, all right, what's gonna happen? Is he gonna, he's a bigger dude than me. He's gonna kick my ass. And, uh, and I was extra skinny back then.

• 1:03:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:36Sam Morril?

  Not ready to fight. And the waitstaff like barricades the stage for me because they're like, they, they like me.

• 1:03:42Mark Normand?

  That's good.

• 1:03:42Sam Morril?

  But then I just hear, and I'm like, oh, boy.

• 1:03:45Speaker 04

  Oh, no.

• 1:03:46Sam Morril?

  Hits me right in the chest and I'm like, oh, fuck. Perfect aim for a piece of shit.

• 1:03:50Mark Normand?

  You got Hawk Tuohy.

• 1:03:51Sam Morril?

  Hey, I got Hawk Tuohy. I got none of the fame out of it either. He, he, his girl pulls him out and I remember being like, oh, boy. Chris Murphy, shout out Chris Murphy.

• 1:04:01Mark Normand?

  Great guy.

• 1:04:01Sam Morril?

  Great guy, was like, I'll make sure, we waited for a second, he's like, he's up there. But he was like, I'm gonna walk you out to make sure you don't have to go out alone if he's waiting for you. I was like, ah, thanks, man. But I remember, I told this fucking story to the basketball player Bernard King. I used to have a show on MSG and Bernard King was on, I told him like off camera, I was like, oh yeah, a guy spat on me once on stage. And I see him in a Knicks game like five months ago, my brother and he, he just walks over to me, he goes, remember when that guy spat on you during your shit?

• 1:04:30Speaker 04

  I thought he was gonna be like, that was. I spit on you.

• 1:04:34Sam Morril?

  But my brother was like, did Bernard King just reference a bomb of yours? I was like, yeah, that was fucking weird.

• 1:04:38Speaker 04

  Okay, one time, I know he doesn't mind me saying this, and if he does, he can call me, but Johnny O'Donny. This is 20 years ago.

• 1:04:47Mark Normand?

  John of O'Donnel.

• 1:04:48Speaker 04

  This is 2003, I'm not joking, this is 20 years ago, 2005.

• 1:04:52Mark Normand?

  He was a pistol, that kid.

• 1:04:54Speaker 04

  We're at the open mic, it was like, it was called the Chinatown.

• 1:05:00Mark Normand?

  Was it the drag queen joint?

• 1:05:01Speaker 04

  Nope.

• 1:05:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, Lucky Dragon.

• 1:05:04Speaker 04

  It was a little, there's no way it can exist, it was a little cafe, bar, whatever the fuck, who gives a shit? Place in, off Canal Street. And it was an open mic where they would like, it wouldn't be just stand ups, it'd be like a freestyle rapper and then like a fucking, yeah, whatever. Fucking, a clairvoyant, a magician, yada yada, sis boom bah. So like this rapper goes, it's 2000, this is like 2003, okay? 9/11 is only two years old, think about where you were.

• 1:05:34Mark Normand?

  The buildings are still smoldering.

• 1:05:35Speaker 04

  Where, I might have been wearing jorts, like jean shorts.

• 1:05:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:39Speaker 04

  Just put yourself, Linkin Parks playing on the fucking radio. Yeah, put yourself in the.

• 1:05:45Mark Normand?

  Alright, I got it.

• 1:05:46Speaker 04

  Okay, so, this dude is like.

• 1:05:50Speaker 04

  Super book, like, deep Brooklyn out, black dude, all, like, jean jacket, fitted, baseball cap. He's freestyle rapping before John goes on, he does his rap set, or whatever, to like, a crowd of seven confused Chinese people. And then, John, John F. O'Donnell goes on stage, and he's doing his set, and we're all, none of us, nobody's doing well, and John goes, Jay-Z has this lyric where he says, "I'm like the Black Brad Pitt." And he goes, "Yeah, right, Jay-Z. You look like my grandpa after he died."

• 1:06:24Speaker 04

  Dude, the rapper, not a bad joke. The rapper, dude, took his glass, glass, bottle glass, and threw it at John's head. It missed him by like, six inches. Boom! Shattered on the wall behind John. And then John just kept going with his set as if nothing happened. He was like, "Hey, you see Tom Cruise on Oprah?" He was like, "Whoop!" I was like, "John, it's time to go. Wrap it up."

• 1:06:47Mark Normand?

  Whoa, wow.

• 1:06:48Speaker 04

  I was just like, "Whoa!" And anyway, uh...

• 1:06:51Mark Normand?

  Whoa! That's wild. That would've spooked me.

• 1:06:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:55Sam Morril?

  Christ.

• 1:06:56Mark Normand?

  Damn. Well, those are the open mic days, folks.

• 1:06:58Speaker 04

  Those are the open mic days. I did, my first show here was with Nate Bargatze in a basement, again in Chinatown. The show was called Yellow. I didn't name it. And I hope that an Asian guy named it. But, uh, that was the name of the bar. That was the name of the bar.

• 1:07:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:07:14Speaker 04

  And, um, that was rock bottom. It was just me and Nate Bargatze and one other person in a windowless basement, doing jokes for each other.

• 1:07:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:24Speaker 04

  And I had this, like, it was my, it was my first show. I was doing stand-up in Boston when I was finishing college. So I had this, like, big vision, like, my first show in New York City, it's gonna be like Madison Square fucking Garden. Do it. Fucking go. And, uh, it was, yeah, there it is. It was, uh... The worst 4pm of my life.

• 1:07:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's, you gotta hand it to Nate, the guy's an arena comic, he's clean as a whistle, but he did all that shit.

• 1:07:52Sam Morril?

  Well, I remember we were at CB's and our buddy Louis Katz is a really funny guy, but he's having a rough set and uh, just can't get a fucking laugh, they're awful crowd. And then he, out of nowhere, just goes, uh, never hire a clown named Molesto. And it does okay, and Todd Lynn, uh, who, we could throw up there too, but if he was nicer.

• 1:08:11Mark Normand?

  Dead guy.

• 1:08:12Sam Morril?

  But Todd Lynn goes, uh, he's got one.

• 1:08:17Mark Normand?

  That's a good way to compliment you and insult you.

• 1:08:19Sam Morril?

  Oh, it was such a shitty thing to say, but I cracked up when I heard that, I was like, Jesus.

• 1:08:23Speaker 04

  Todd Lynn, throw Todd Lynn's picture up.

• 1:08:25Mark Normand?

  You remember that guy?

• 1:08:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's like ringing a bell, but I need like a little.

• 1:08:28Sam Morril?

  Not a nice man.

• 1:08:29Mark Normand?

  He made Patrice look like Mother Teresa. Oh, he was mean.

• 1:08:32Sam Morril?

  Not a nice person.

• 1:08:33Speaker 04

  Oh, I kinda, yeah, I kinda remember this guy. Yeah, yeah, he was like a curmudgeon.

• 1:08:38Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:08:39Speaker 04

  He was a curmudgeon, but I think he died like pretty, when did he die? What year did he die?

• 1:08:44Sam Morril?

  A while ago.

• 1:08:45Speaker 04

  Not a hell of a nut.

• 1:08:46Mark Normand?

  07, 08, 09?

• 1:08:48Speaker 04

  I don't have a curmudgeon.

• 1:08:49Sam Morril?

  We were still.

• 1:08:49Speaker 04

  What was this generation of?

• 1:08:50Mark Normand?

  2012.

• 1:08:51Speaker 04

  What was this generation of curmudgeon? They were just bitter, right?

• 1:08:55Mark Normand?

  Well, they were just sad dudes who'd never got a hug and uh, there was no.

• 1:08:59Speaker 04

  They're all fucked up.

• 1:09:00Mark Normand?

  Therapy or medication.

• 1:09:01Sam Morril?

  Combination, I think it was harder back then and also they had horrible childhoods.

• 1:09:04Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:09:05Speaker 04

  Childhood, didn't take medication.

• 1:09:07Mark Normand?

  Now comedy's like a viable career. You can go on TikTok and, you know, make a living, but back then you had to like really hate yourself. To like pursue it.

• 1:09:15Sam Morril?

  Think about doing the road in like 91, like a hotel and you're like, I guess I'll call someone long distance.

• 1:09:20Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:09:21Sam Morril?

  What do you do?

• 1:09:21Mark Normand?

  Meanwhile, you got a fucking map out. You gotta unfold a map to find a rascals in Orange, New Jersey. You know, now at least you got Google Maps and all this shit. Those were, you gotta, you got lost, you had a payphone.

• 1:09:32Speaker 04

  Is that gonna spill all over me?

• 1:09:33Mark Normand?

  No, you got it, I'm gonna, all good.

• 1:09:35Speaker 02

  So you were in New York at a certain time. You have any run-ins with Puffy?

• 1:09:40Mark Normand?

  Puffy.

• 1:09:40Speaker 04

  You know how broke?

• 1:09:41Sam Morril?

  Easy clickbait.

• 1:09:44Sam Morril?

  Hey, salicus, right here.

• 1:09:48Mark Normand?

  Take that.

• 1:09:49Speaker 04

  You could cut me calling out your candidate. I wasn't sure.

• 1:09:51Mark Normand?

  Cut that out, cut that out.

• 1:09:53Speaker 04

  Cut me calling it out.

• 1:09:55Mark Normand?

  But that's a pro guy who knows a fucked up set when he can call out a breakable bottle.

• 1:10:00Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:10:01Mark Normand?

  No other comedian in history would know that was breakable.

• 1:10:04Speaker 04

  Well, it wasn't just that, it was your guys' clear lie afterwards. No, no. Like, you got weirdly loud. No, it hurts, man. It hurts. It sucks.

• 1:10:14Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:10:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, do it hard. Do it like for real.

• 1:10:17Mark Normand?

  That does hurt. No.

• 1:10:18Speaker 04

  It hurts, fuck it.

• 1:10:19Mark Normand?

  It wasn't bad. You gotta hit the back of the head. One time I got it on top, I had a concussion.

• 1:10:22Sam Morril?

  I love that Mark and I were trying to be actors and we're just like, is that breakaway glass? No.

• 1:10:29Speaker 04

  It's because it got way louder. No.

• 1:10:32Sam Morril?

  What?

• 1:10:32Speaker 04

  It's suspicious, like, an empty thing next to the glass. It's serving no purpose.

• 1:10:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that one is, but this one isn't right here.

• 1:10:39Speaker 04

  Dude, I've gotten rotten.

• 1:10:41Mark Normand?

  Whoa, that one looked like it hurt. That was strong bass.

• 1:10:44Sam Morril?

  What if it just went into my throat like at the end of Grifters?

• 1:10:51Sam Morril?

  You gotta commit, you gotta get the fake blood too. Oh, fuck.

• 1:10:54Mark Normand?

  Shit.

• 1:10:54Speaker 04

  I can't feel half my hand.

• 1:10:56Mark Normand?

  The nerve damage?

• 1:10:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:57Sam Morril?

  Still?

• 1:10:58Speaker 04

  A pressure tube bottle at me when I was 14 and then they had to reopen and reattach my nerve. I can barely feel half my hand.

• 1:11:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's the origin story of a fucking wacky comedian.

• 1:11:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was the day Liquid Swords came out, the JZA album.

• 1:11:12Sam Morril?

  Ooh, I remember that.

• 1:11:13Speaker 04

  And I think we were smoking brown weed.

• 1:11:15Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:11:16Speaker 04

  That's me at 14.

• 1:11:17Mark Normand?

  Remember Four Loko?

• 1:11:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:20Mark Normand?

  That was a fun time.

• 1:11:20Speaker 04

  We used to do shots of Bacardi 151 and then a five-hour energy shot.

• 1:11:25Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:11:26Speaker 04

  As a chaser.

• 1:11:26Mark Normand?

  You've changed.

• 1:11:27Sam Morril?

  Homemade Four Loko, that's fucked up.

• 1:11:28Speaker 04

  I can't do that anymore.

• 1:11:29Mark Normand?

  Boy, that was a, those were good times.

• 1:11:32Speaker 04

  That's when I injured myself.

• 1:11:34Sam Morril?

  Was it ninety five? I was born in eighty three.

• 1:11:36Mark Normand?

  Damn, Geffen did that. Good for him. Guy's got range.

• 1:11:43Speaker 04

  Are you talking about David Geffen?

• 1:11:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:45Speaker 04

  Yes, he's very much.

• 1:11:46Mark Normand?

  Look at that.

• 1:11:47Speaker 04

  He signed Nirvana and Weezer.

• 1:11:49Mark Normand?

  And some old people.

• 1:11:50Speaker 04

  And Wu-Tang.

• 1:11:51Mark Normand?

  Patti LaBelle and shit.

• 1:11:52Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:11:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. He got back. Look how old he is.

• 1:11:54Speaker 04

  This guy, figure out the fucking pulse.

• 1:11:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he started in eighty.

• 1:11:59Sam Morril?

  No, seventy three.

• 1:12:00Mark Normand?

  Seventy three. So he did everybody. Probably did some Bee Gees and some, uh...

• 1:12:04Sam Morril?

  Fucking us hammered at that bar the other night, just every Bee Gees song. You're like, Bee Gees is the best drunk music ever.

• 1:12:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's great.

• 1:12:10Sam Morril?

  It's just fucking...

• 1:12:11Mark Normand?

  There's a bar downtown called Joy Face and the DJs, killer.

• 1:12:14Sam Morril?

  Holy shit.

• 1:12:15Mark Normand?

  We went for a party.

• 1:12:17Speaker 04

  Joy Face.

• 1:12:18Mark Normand?

  In Lower East Side.

• 1:12:19Speaker 04

  What are good clubs now and good shows?

• 1:12:21Sam Morril?

  We don't, we don't go clubbing. Look at us. You think we know?

• 1:12:24Speaker 04

  No, I mean stand-up clubs. I don't mean clubbing. What are my fucking nuts?

• 1:12:28Mark Normand?

  In the country or in the city?

• 1:12:29Speaker 04

  Uh, both.

• 1:12:30Sam Morril?

  I mean, we just kind of go with the cellar for the most part in the city, but on the road, like Madison, Comedy on State's incredible.

• 1:12:37Speaker 04

  That plays rules.

• 1:12:38Sam Morril?

  Denver Comedy Works, like for clubs.

• 1:12:40Mark Normand?

  SF.

• 1:12:40Sam Morril?

  I like, I like hilarities in Cleveland. I just love the owners too. They're like good people.

• 1:12:45Mark Normand?

  Tampa SideSplitters, uh, Utah, was it Salt Lake City?

• 1:12:49Sam Morril?

  Wise guys. Love that one. Yeah, I just keep going back. I'll just keep going back to those, like, uh, what else?

• 1:12:54Mark Normand?

  Dallas Improv I love. I like, uh...

• 1:12:57Sam Morril?

  I like the, I like the Dania Improv, actually.

• 1:12:59Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. That's not bad.

• 1:13:01Speaker 04

  Dania Improv?

• 1:13:02Mark Normand?

  Dania Beach.

• 1:13:03Speaker 04

  Dania is gnarly. That's where I grew up. I mean, I didn't...

• 1:13:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 1:13:06Speaker 04

  I didn't grow up in Dania, but like, if you were from Dania, you were fucking intense.

• 1:13:10Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:13:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, you had like a butterfly night.

• 1:13:13Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:13:14Sam Morril?

  I don't know. I like those crowds, man. I feel like they...

• 1:13:16Speaker 04

  I think Dania changed. It was like, it was like, I was born in eighty three.

• 1:13:19Sam Morril?

  Oh, Omaha Funny Bone.

• 1:13:21Mark Normand?

  That's a great one.

• 1:13:21Sam Morril?

  I love that one.

• 1:13:23Speaker 04

  Dania was like, um, Hell's Angel, Nazi.

• 1:13:26Mark Normand?

  Whoa, really?

• 1:13:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was fucking Everglades back in the day.

• 1:13:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, right. It was like White Miami.

• 1:13:33Speaker 04

  It wasn't even Miami. It was like Deliverance.

• 1:13:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 1:13:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:13:38Mark Normand?

  You forget about Florida, cause you think-

• 1:13:39Speaker 04

  But then they, but then they like built into it.

• 1:13:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. Well, Florida, you think Jews, old people, Cuban. You don't really think about the crazy whites that are down there.

• 1:13:47Speaker 04

  Oh, there's like some of the gnarliest whites.

• 1:13:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:50Speaker 04

  Some of the gnarliest. Like American History X.

• 1:13:53Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:13:53Speaker 04

  Full Hell's Angel, American History X.

• 1:13:56Sam Morril?

  That's fucking Florida, though, dude.

• 1:13:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:13:58Mark Normand?

  Remember that show, uh, Florida or Germany or Florida? Remember that? Where they'd, they'd show a news story? And then they'd tell, you have to guess, was it Germany or Florida? And it was always Germany. I mean, always Florida. Cause it was the wildest shit. Like, guy kills wife with a, with a plush doll.

• 1:14:15Speaker 04

  I don't know. What about that computer scientist that cut that guy's dick off and they ate it together? Then he murdered the guy? Armin Mevez? Look him up.

• 1:14:24Mark Normand?

  You're Army Hammer.

• 1:14:25Speaker 04

  Army Mevez.

• 1:14:26Mark Normand?

  Army Mevez.

• 1:14:28Speaker 04

  Army? Ar- Armin, Armin Me-

• 1:14:31Mark Normand?

  Not Army Hammer.

• 1:14:32Speaker 04

  Not Army Hammer. A- Armin Me- Mevez.

• 1:14:38Mark Normand?

  Me?

• 1:14:39Speaker 04

  Uh, yeah. M-E-W-E-S?

• 1:14:43Mark Normand?

  S?

• 1:14:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, oh, yeah. Try that.

• 1:14:47Mark Normand?

  No, that's Mendez.

• 1:14:49Speaker 04

  No. Armin Mevez, German, German dick eater.

• 1:14:55Mark Normand?

  Dick eater.

• 1:14:56Speaker 04

  Armin Mevez, there we go.

• 1:14:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:14:59Speaker 04

  This guy's not Florida. This is beyond Florida. He's still in jail.

• 1:15:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:15:03Speaker 04

  He like put a post up on Craigslist. He's like, I wanna fucking make love to you, cut your dick off, eat it with you at my dinner table, then kill you. And then one guy responded, he's like, yeah, I'm in. Let's fucking do it.

• 1:15:14Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 1:15:15Speaker 04

  It was very German.

• 1:15:16Sam Morril?

  I'm in.

• 1:15:17Mark Normand?

  I'll take any gig.

• 1:15:18Speaker 04

  Very German.

• 1:15:19Mark Normand?

  Gig's a gig.

• 1:15:20Speaker 04

  A gig's a gig. It was like you at the fucking hedge fund.

• 1:15:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right? I would've killed to eat my dick.

• 1:15:26Speaker 04

  I love that the guy was so cartoonishly evil. He goes, puts his cigar in the check. It's like, come on, what are you, a fucking Batman villain?

• 1:15:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he was. He was a Batman villain.

• 1:15:36Speaker 04

  But I'm a nice guy. Pass himself on the back. You told me to do this, you fucking monster.

• 1:15:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:43Speaker 04

  Armin Mevez.

• 1:15:44Mark Normand?

  I guess if you're gonna kill yourself, you might as well go out like this.

• 1:15:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, Armin is alive, but the man he ate and killed is no longer with us.

• 1:15:51Mark Normand?

  Is it murder?

• 1:15:52Speaker 04

  May he rest in paradise.

• 1:15:53Mark Normand?

  If the guy's in on it?

• 1:15:54Speaker 04

  Well, that was a big part of the case, but it is.

• 1:16:00Mark Normand?

  It's consensual.

• 1:16:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, it is consensual, but it is still homicide, so he did.

• 1:16:04Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:16:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you can't cut the dick off.

• 1:16:06Mark Normand?

  Sounds like a Black Mirror episode.

• 1:16:08Sam Morril?

  I feel like if you got any dudes on that jury too, they're like, you can't cut a dick.

• 1:16:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:11Speaker 04

  Well, that was, that was also part of the deal. There he is, just fucking loving life.

• 1:16:17Mark Normand?

  Remember John Wayne Bobbitt?

• 1:16:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:16:19Mark Normand?

  That was a good dick off.

• 1:16:21Speaker 04

  Bobbitt, John Wayne Gacy, John Wayne.

• 1:16:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, I love John Wayne.

• 1:16:24Speaker 04

  They're all kind of fucking shitty guys.

• 1:16:26Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:16:27Sam Morril?

  That guy fucking lost his dick. That's crazy.

• 1:16:30Speaker 04

  Lost his dick.

• 1:16:30Mark Normand?

  They put it back on.

• 1:16:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but it's not the same.

• 1:16:32Mark Normand?

  Not the same.

• 1:16:33Sam Morril?

  Do you remember Tom McCaffrey had that bit about, uh?

• 1:16:35Mark Normand?

  Remember him?

• 1:16:36Sam Morril?

  Remember Tom?

• 1:16:37Speaker 04

  I love Tom McCaffrey.

• 1:16:37Sam Morril?

  I love Tom.

• 1:16:38Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:16:38Speaker 04

  He was so funny. What happened? Why did he stop doing, did he stop doing his denim?

• 1:16:42Mark Normand?

  I don't know.

• 1:16:43Speaker 04

  They got the dick, come on.

• 1:16:44Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:16:45Speaker 04

  Come on.

• 1:16:46Sam Morril?

  You know his bit where the guy goes, what color is it? And he's just like, if you find a dick, just bring it in. Like, I'm sure, I'm sure he'll take what he can get at this point.

• 1:16:55Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 1:16:56Sam Morril?

  So good. Oh, he had.

• 1:16:57Speaker 04

  He had a joke that was like, he goes, some toupees are so bad, it's like, I might as well tape, duct tape an enormous cucumber on the outside of my pants and go, yep, that's my dick. Sorry, dude, huge dick.

• 1:17:12Mark Normand?

  He had that, that joke, I read the Pamela, oh, the, was it the Pamela?

• 1:17:15Speaker 04

  Jenna Jameson.

• 1:17:16Mark Normand?

  I read the Jenna Jameson book. He's like, the movie was better.

• 1:17:21Mark Normand?

  It was great.

• 1:17:22Sam Morril?

  I loved his shit.

• 1:17:23Speaker 04

  Put him on the wall.

• 1:17:24Mark Normand?

  Nah, he did become a rapper. That is kind of the death of comedy.

• 1:17:28Speaker 04

  Like legit, he was like, I'm gonna rap now?

• 1:17:30Mark Normand?

  You don't remember that?

• 1:17:31Sam Morril?

  No, I think he's a lawyer now.

• 1:17:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, is he?

• 1:17:32Sam Morril?

  I think so.

• 1:17:33Mark Normand?

  Most guys goes lawyer to comedy. He went comedy to lawyer.

• 1:17:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:36Speaker 04

  He went lawyer, no, he went comedy to rapper to lawyer. No one's.

• 1:17:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:41Speaker 04

  No one's done that.

• 1:17:42Sam Morril?

  Also, that voice for a lawyer is like, your honor, this is fucked up.

• 1:17:45Speaker 04

  This is, your honor, dude, it's not fucking cool.

• 1:17:50Sam Morril?

  You're a dick.

• 1:17:52Mark Normand?

  He had that great line, cause he would bomb a lot, cause he was sometimes too smart for the room, and he would go, if you agree, stare at me blankly. Thank you.

• 1:18:00Sam Morril?

  So good.

• 1:18:01Mark Normand?

  He was great. We'll get him on here one day.

• 1:18:03Sam Morril?

  Funny.

• 1:18:04Mark Normand?

  Or if we need a lawyer.

• 1:18:08Sam Morril?

  Well dude, you got, you got, you got the, you got the new pod, Eric Andre podcast.

• 1:18:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, you guys gotta come on.

• 1:18:13Sam Morril?

  I'd love to.

• 1:18:13Speaker 04

  Come on, we shoot up the street.

• 1:18:15Mark Normand?

  Well, we had some good bombing stories here.

• 1:18:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I gotta think of a better one if I come on, but, so you talk about, uh, your worst bomb.

• 1:18:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, I just have guests come on and just say, what's the shittiest show you ever did? I guess you don't have to come on, Eric.

• 1:18:27Mark Normand?

  No, no, no, no.

• 1:18:28Sam Morril?

  No, I, I have others, trust me.

• 1:18:30Mark Normand?

  We got a million.

• 1:18:31Speaker 04

  And more, and potentially more to come.

• 1:18:34Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:18:35Speaker 04

  Potentially more to come.

• 1:18:35Sam Morril?

  Many.

• 1:18:36Mark Normand?

  That's true, or you just do the, the cellar's the only good place to do it.

• 1:18:39Sam Morril?

  No, there's other good places, yeah, there's good spots, I just, I'm lazy, I live down by the cellar, so I'm just like, I'm gone so much on the road, I'm just, I don't wanna travel far to do sets.

• 1:18:48Speaker 04

  Dude, I can't do it anymore, I gotta, maybe I should start doing it.

• 1:18:51Mark Normand?

  Do you miss it? Do you ever think of a bit?

• 1:18:52Speaker 04

  No, cause I, I, I think of a bit, but it, it like, it goes to a different medium, I think of it in like, how does it work on a television show?

• 1:19:00Mark Normand?

  Well, any advice for, we're writing, we wrote a movie, and I think we're making some headway on it.

• 1:19:05Sam Morril?

  And we got a director in the background there.

• 1:19:06Mark Normand?

  Right there.

• 1:19:07Sam Morril?

  Jono.

• 1:19:08Mark Normand?

  Um, I know it's fucking production hell, you gotta just keep pitching it, uh, you gotta go to meetings.

• 1:19:14Sam Morril?

  What do you mean his story? He just said Netflix bought it immediately.

• 1:19:17Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, good point.

• 1:19:18Speaker 04

  No, no, my thing?

• 1:19:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:20Speaker 04

  Took eight years, Netflix didn't buy it immediately.

• 1:19:22Sam Morril?

  Oh, nevermind.

• 1:19:23Speaker 04

  No, no, no, we were in the doldrums for fucking

• 1:19:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:27Speaker 04

  Almost a decade.

• 1:19:28Sam Morril?

  We'll figure it out.

• 1:19:28Speaker 04

  Nightmare.

• 1:19:29Mark Normand?

  What's the move? Just do it yourself, or?

• 1:19:32Speaker 04

  Well, what's the question?

• 1:19:33Mark Normand?

  Well, the question is-

• 1:19:34Speaker 04

  I'll give you my, my, my advice, I'm not fucking J.J. Abrams.

• 1:19:37Mark Normand?

  Movie, we've never written a movie before, so we, we're just, we're in the dark here.

• 1:19:41Sam Morril?

  I think it's a pretty funny.

• 1:19:42Speaker 04

  Well, read, well, educate yourself, take screenwriting class.

• 1:19:46Mark Normand?

  Well, we finished the script.

• 1:19:47Speaker 04

  And, well, that, that's not what I'm talking about.

• 1:19:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:19:52Speaker 04

  You know, read every, read Save the Cat.

• 1:19:54Mark Normand?

  Read it, read it.

• 1:19:55Speaker 04

  Robert McKee, read all that shit, you gotta educate yourself, find a coach, find a script writing coach that you trust.

• 1:20:00Sam Morril?

  Well, we had a, we wrote with two other writers who have experience with it.

• 1:20:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, and then, and then the story, if you don't have a good story, you don't have a good script, the story's more important than the jokes.

• 1:20:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, sure.

• 1:20:11Speaker 04

  And the story has to have

• 1:20:13Mark Normand?

  It's all jokes.

• 1:20:14Speaker 04

  The jokes won't have- Any comedic value if this story isn't lock solid.

• 1:20:21Sam Morril?

  Ah.

• 1:20:23Speaker 04

  The story has to have like emotional, you gotta make them cry so that you can make them laugh.

• 1:20:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah. I think we got some good.

• 1:20:31Speaker 04

  I was hoping that the rest of them were just gonna, and you would get drunk and forget which ones.

• 1:20:35Mark Normand?

  It's got heart in it.

• 1:20:37Speaker 04

  Your producers.

• 1:20:40Speaker 04

  You definitely want that in your drink, by the way.

• 1:20:42Mark Normand?

  That's sugar.

• 1:20:44Speaker 04

  They call it sugar glass, but it's not, it's not sugar.

• 1:20:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 1:20:47Speaker 04

  You don't wanna drink that.

• 1:20:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit, I've been sucking on.

• 1:20:49Speaker 04

  It was like sugar in like Charlie Chaplin's era. Now it's like harsh chemicals.

• 1:20:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 1:20:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, you don't.

• 1:20:55Mark Normand?

  Alright, well, I'm gonna get syphilis or something.

• 1:20:58Sam Morril?

  Well, well, check out Bombing with Eric Andre.

• 1:21:01Speaker 04

  Thank you, I'm so sorry how late it was.

• 1:21:03Sam Morril?

  We'll come back next time. We'll, we'll do it again, man.

• 1:21:05Speaker 04

  Absolutely. And take, take me to a show, cause I'm fucking rusty. I wanna bomb. I need, I need to bomb more.

• 1:21:12Mark Normand?

  I got a show at the Cellar tonight. If you're welcome to pop on.

• 1:21:14Sam Morril?

  You should do it.

• 1:21:15Speaker 04

  Seems a little bit late. Is it at four, is it at?

• 1:21:17Mark Normand?

  It's late, it's late.

• 1:21:18Speaker 04

  Five twenty PM?

• 1:21:20Mark Normand?

  It's ten thirty. I know, you're old now.

• 1:21:23Speaker 04

  I'm very tired. Are you tired? Do you get to sleep easy after a show?

• 1:21:28Mark Normand?

  No, and I have a baby, so it's.

• 1:21:29Sam Morril?

  See, I'm like, after a show, my adrenaline kicks in and then it's like, my insomnia, it's just cause I had insomnia. I got addicted to Xanax.

• 1:21:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, me too. Like, we kicked it.

• 1:21:40Sam Morril?

  Kinda.

• 1:21:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, jeez. Well, sell me some of those oxies and we'll talk.

• 1:21:46Mark Normand?

  Well, thank you, Andre.

• 1:21:47Sam Morril?

  Thanks, dude.

• 1:21:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, anytime.

• 1:21:48Mark Normand?

  Good to see you, man.

• 1:21:49Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:21:49Sam Morril?

  Alright, see you guys.

• 1:21:50Mark Normand?

  Same old cat. Get some Bodega Cat, we'll see you all in hell, praise Allah.

• 1:21:53Speaker 04

  Cheers.

• 1:21:54Mark Normand?

  Hey, folks, first of all, I wanna say thanks for coming out, UK. We loved you, loved going there and, uh, always a blast. Sorry about the immigration. Rochester, New York, Portchester, Albany, Burlington, Wausau, Wisconsin, Green Bay, Eugene, Oregon, hit that Nike store, ho, San Jose, Hyannis, Mass, that's Cape Cod. Then we're going to Connecticut, Ben Salem, PA, at Parks Casino, and off to New Zealand, Australia, all over, Perth and Brisbane, Sydney, we added a show.

• 1:22:27Sam Morril?

  You gonna bring the lady or no?

• 1:22:28Mark Normand?

  I'm gonna bring the lady and not the baby.

• 1:22:30Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:22:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we're putting it in an orphanage.

• 1:22:33Sam Morril?

  I like it.

• 1:22:34Mark Normand?

  Church steps.

• 1:22:35Sam Morril?

  Oliver twisted.

• 1:22:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, oh, yeah. We're sending that puppy right down the Nile.

• 1:22:40Sam Morril?

  I got the Red Bank, New Jersey, the Count Basie Theater, July 12th, August 7th. We got Boston, Massachusetts at the Wilbur, can't wait. We got Irvine Improv, August 22nd through 24th. Then we got Oklahoma City the following weekend, the Bricktown Comedy Club, late August. That'll be my birthday there. September 19th, The Venetian in Vegas, can't wait. Never done that room, so that'll be fun. Then we got September 25th, that weekend, I'll be in Rochester, New York, Comedy the Carlson, great club. Coming up, October 4th, the Chicago Theater. That's a big fat one, I love Chicago. I'm gonna get me some Shaw's Crab House, some, I'm gonna go tavern pie over deep dish, I'm gonna say.

• 1:23:22Mark Normand?

  Okay, I'm with you on that.

• 1:23:23Sam Morril?

  November 14th through the 16th, I'm coming back to Salt Lake City. You guys sold out my club earlier this year, so I'm coming back for you guys. I love you for it. And then, December 4th, Carnegie Motherfucking Hall. I'll see you there, baby. Oh, I wish it there. I hear it's alcoholism in comedy. Yeah. Yeah, I can't wait, it's gonna be great. So, I'll see you guys there, thanks for listening. Bodega Cat Whiskey.com, drink Bodega Cat, we love you guys, and thanks to Eric Andre.

• 1:24:42Speaker 06

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