Armchair Anonymous: Public Transit

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a crazy public transit story. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ http://www.wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard and I'm joined by Monica Padman.

• 0:06Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 0:06Dax Shepard?

  Today is crazy public transit stories. And let me just glance about these. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you, subways are hotspots for action.

• 0:19Speaker 01

  They sure are. There's a lot that goes down on those public transport.

• 0:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Yeah. I'll tell you, it made me want to use more public transportation.

• 0:29Speaker 01

  I could see that.

• 0:30Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  You gotta get on the bus.

• 0:32Dax Shepard?

  I'm missing out on a lot of stories.

• 0:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. One was like, okay, I'll just, yeah, forget it.

• 0:38Dax Shepard?

  One was.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  Wild, right?

• 0:40Dax Shepard?

  One almost made you throw up?

• 0:41Speaker 01

  Oh, God. Oh, God. Yeah, there's a pretty, there's a hard to listen to one in here. Don't listen.

• 0:49Dax Shepard?

  Don't listen. All right.

• 0:50Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 0:51Dax Shepard?

  Enjoy. We get support from Quince.

• 0:55Speaker 01

  Okay. Can we talk about the fact that the holidays are already here? It's crazy. I feel like I blinked and now we're in gifting season, which I'm not really mad about because I do love giving gifts. And Quince is making it so easy to find something great for everyone on my list, including myself. Because let's be honest, self gifting is a love language.

• 1:14Dax Shepard?

  Quince is seriously the gift that keeps on giving. Their high quality staples are made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, 14 karat gold and Italian leather, full on luxury quality at prices that won't wreck your holiday budget.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  It's the dream. The cashmere sweater is starting at $60, down jackets, wool outerwear, cashmere accessories. You and everyone on your list are staying cozy and looking incredible all season long.

• 1:41Dax Shepard?

  Well, I'm gonna tell you this, it just got chilly for the first time this year in California and I'm so excited and I'm wearing my Quince cashmere right now.

• 1:48Speaker 01

  It's great.

• 1:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. And I am going to gift this to some of my friends. I hope they're not listening.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  Quince is also more than clothing. They've got fine jewelry for your significant other, leather bags for your bestie, hotel-quality bedding to set up your guest rooms, chef-grade cookware. That's an amazing thing they offer here, and it's such a good gift because people don't like buying cookware for themselves, but it's very important. And they also have five-star luggage, another good gift that people don't like buying for themselves.

• 2:16Dax Shepard?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. We get support from Gusto. So here's the thing about running a small business that nobody romanticizes. It's not the big idea that wears you down, it's the payroll, the tax filings, the wait, do I need workers' comp for this stuff? That's the part that quietly eats away your whole afternoon, which is where Gusto comes in. Gusto is online payroll and benefit software built for small businesses.

• 3:01Dax Shepard?

  It's all-in-one, remote-friendly, and incredibly easy to use so you can pay onboard and support your team from anywhere. They handle automatic tax filing, direct deposits, health benefits, 401K, all of it. And you get unlimited payroll runs for one monthly price. No hidden fees, no surprises. If something tricky comes up, you've got direct access to certified HR experts who actually know what they're talking about. And they're ranked number one on G2's Highest Satisfaction Products List for 2026, entrusted by over 500,000 small businesses. That's not nothing. Try Gusto today at gusto.com/dax and get three months free when you run your first payroll. That's three months of free payroll at gusto.com/dax.

• 3:46Dax Shepard?

  Again, that's gusto.com/dax.

• 4:10Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 4:10Speaker 02

  Hi.

• 4:12Dax Shepard?

  What fake name do you want?

• 4:14Speaker 02

  I'm gonna go by Jess on behalf of my coworker, who's also a huge armchair fan. I told her I would use her name as my fake name.

• 4:22Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  Shout out Jess.

• 4:24Dax Shepard?

  Where are you?

• 4:25Speaker 02

  I'm currently in Baltimore, Maryland, sitting in the lactation room of my office. It has a little fridge in here, a microwave and a couch.

• 4:37Dax Shepard?

  Netflix? They ought to put Netflix in there.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  They do want you to bring your laptop in and probably continue working, but I guess you could probably sneak in a little bit of watching time.

• 4:45Dax Shepard?

  No one's gonna enter the lactation room, that's for sure. That's a safe place.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  When I worked at the front desk at SoulCycle, sometimes there was an afternoon shift and there were breaks between the classes. And sometimes I would watch TV on the computer.

• 5:02Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, that's fine.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  Is it fine?

• 5:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's natural, right Jess?

• 5:05Speaker 01

  I've never admitted that.

• 5:06Dax Shepard?

  People watch TV at work, I think.

• 5:08Speaker 02

  Hmm, I'm not gonna rat out anybody I work with.

• 5:11Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so you have a public transit story.

• 5:14Speaker 02

  Yes, so it actually takes place in Madrid.

• 5:17Dax Shepard?

  Oh, great.

• 5:18Speaker 02

  This was when I was 16 years old. I was a junior in high school. It was around 2015. One of the things that my high school offered was a trip to the respective country in which you've been learning the language of. So they had Italy, France and Spain offered to the students that were taking those languages. For me, I had been taking Spanish since kindergarten. At the time, I was really sharp with it. I wish I still was, but that was an awesome opportunity. And I was really lucky because it was an extra cost and my parents offered to pay to let me go. On the trip, it was 40 Spanish students and then there was three chaperones. So there was two Spanish teachers that tagged along

• 6:00Speaker 02

  and then one PE teacher from one of the schools in the district.

• 6:04Dax Shepard?

  Who got a free trip to Spain?

• 6:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I guess. I think you'll learn later why he was important for the story. I was 16. I didn't really have any spending money of my own and my parents had paid for me to go on the trip. So additionally, they gave me some spending money. My mom set me up with my first ever debit card. She put like 150 US dollars on that. And then my mom also got out 150 euro cash for me. But one of the things my mom really emphasized was that there's a lot of pickpockets in Europe. Just be careful, be aware of your surroundings, make sure you keep your money like in your front pocket, somewhere close to your body. And I was like, yeah, yeah, whatever.

• 6:48Dax Shepard?

  You don't know what you're talking about, mom.

• 6:50Speaker 02

  We got to Madrid and then the first day we spent exploring the city center. They took us to the shopping district. We kind of all ran wild, you know, with my 350 total US dollars for a week long trip. That first day, I bought a wallet from one of those Spanish leather shops. I thought it was really fancy. So I had immediately taken my money and my debit card out of my old wallet and put it in the new wallet. I stuck my new wallet in my bag and the bag I was carrying around was a bucket bag. It's very open. Yeah.

• 7:26Dax Shepard?

  It's not secure.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  The one I had was a tie closure. So it was like half open, half closed. So really just going against my parents' advice.

• 7:35Dax Shepard?

  Threw that advice right out the window as soon as you got to Madrid. Like, what's the gapiest bag I can carry?

• 7:42Speaker 02

  Well, for fashion. I wanted to be a little stylish on this trip. Some additional context. I wasn't really the most popular kid in high school. Obviously I had friends, but for some reason, when we got to this trip, the group of students kind of split up into two. It was like all the upper echelon popular kids in one group. And then the rest of us in the bottom half.

• 8:04Dax Shepard?

  The groundlings.

• 8:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. You can imagine which half I fell into, but I still had friends there, but essentially like half of the kids on the trip just didn't talk to us the entire time.

• 8:15Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  We were done shopping for the day and the teachers wanted us to head back to the hotel. So a big part of our Spanish education is we learn a lot about the metro and the different types of modes of transportation native Spanish people take for their commute day to day. And they were like, oh, why don't we go use the metro to get back to our hotel? So we all head down to the tunnel. We loaded onto the train and it was pretty packed. It was Spanish locals and then my entire high school class that was there. Looking so obviously like tourists. Screaming tourists, just a bunch of kids not knowing where they're going. They were standing room only. All of a sudden I just feel something's off.

• 8:53Speaker 02

  I slowly just slide my hand down into my bag to see if my wallet's there and my bag is empty. Oh.

• 9:05Speaker 02

  I turned to my friend next to me and I whisper, I'm like, I think somebody just pickpocketed me. And so we turn around and there's this suspicious looking guy behind me looking up and then looking back down. And I think he realizes that we're on to him. So we turn back around and then all of a sudden my wallet just kind of like appears on the ground.

• 9:24Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that's good.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  Remorse. I snatch it back up. I open my wallet and the money is gone. My debit card's still there, but the cash is completely gone. I was like, this is the only money I have. I need to get it back and I know this guy just took it. I turn to my Spanish teacher who's sitting on one of the chairs and I say, hey, I think this guy just pickpocketed me.

• 9:45Dax Shepard?

  Is he making his way out of the train car or he's still in there?

• 9:49Speaker 02

  We're still in route.

• 9:50Dax Shepard?

  And you can't go into another train car? Could you walk in between them like on a subway?

• 9:55Speaker 02

  No, it's really crowded. So you would have to very obviously push through.

• 9:59Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 10:00Speaker 02

  I tell my Spanish teacher and almost immediately she just snaps into action and she's yelling at him in Spanish. She's saying something like, it's a young girl. We're on vacation. Please give her back her money. And he's responding to her in a language that I don't recognize. I later found out that he's speaking in Portuguese, which I guess it's very common for Portuguese people to come into the tourist centers of Spain and rob people. So she's yelling at him. It's causing a scene and then all of a sudden the train comes to a stop. And then the doors come open and he immediately tries to split. And then the PE teacher runs out after him. Pins him up against the platform wall.

• 10:44Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yay, gym teacher.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  We all pile off the train very quickly and all of a sudden, everybody starts to gather around. And I guess as the guy was leaving the train, he had handed off the money to his accomplice, which was a woman. She got dragged off the train too. And then all of a sudden, you just hear the Spanish police running down the platform.

• 11:07Dax Shepard?

  Oh, they were on it.

• 11:08Speaker 02

  There's like a sea of people, but it's split down the middle. The guy is pinned up against the wall by the PE teacher. I'm standing there with my Spanish teacher, the Spanish police and the woman who has my money. The Spanish police are yelling at her, I guess, telling her to give it back. And then all of a sudden, you just see her take her hand and shove it down her pants.

• 11:29Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 11:30Dax Shepard?

  Down the front.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  She felt frisky?

• 11:32Dax Shepard?

  No, I think she's trying to hide the money in her vagina.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 11:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  She put it up her vagina?

• 11:41Dax Shepard?

  She just thought, okay, I'm gonna put it here. No one's gonna search me here. I doubt it made it into her vagina. That would take a minute. Sorry, Jess.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  So we're all watching this. The police, me and all of the students. And she is groaning and making weird noises while doing it too.

• 12:00Dax Shepard?

  Oh. Whoa, so maybe this is a kink.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  I told you.

• 12:04Dax Shepard?

  There's a lot on the plate of the teachers. They got a bunch of teenagers.

• 12:07Speaker 01

  I know.

• 12:08Dax Shepard?

  This woman's manhandling her vagina with a fistful of stolen money. What a thing to explain.

• 12:13Speaker 01

  And as we now know, teachers are just humans too.

• 12:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, they were probably 28.

• 12:17Speaker 02

  Mind you, this is day one of a seven day trip. Eventually, everybody's watching in awe, gasps, kind of like, uh, coming from the audience.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  As she's trying to, I guess, store this money for later. And then eventually the Spanish police, they get her in handcuffs and then they get the guy in handcuffs. And they kind of roll them away. I'm standing there and then all my friends rush up to me. They're like, "Oh, my God, are you okay? That was crazy." Also, some of them just laughing because the ridiculous story. All of a sudden, one of the girls from that upper group I was talking about runs over to me and she like links arms with mine. She's like, "Oh, my God, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that."

• 13:05Speaker 01

  Oh, she wanted to be a part of it.

• 13:09Speaker 02

  She did not leave my side for the rest of the night. And later that night, I begged my Spanish teachers. I was like, "Please don't make me call my mom, because this is just gonna prove her right."

• 13:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 13:22Speaker 02

  And they're like, "No, you have to." They make me come to their hotel room at night. They give me their cellphone. Mind you, that girl is still with me. And then she's calling her friends from the hotel room like, "Oh, my God, I can't believe this happened to us."

• 13:35Speaker 01

  Oh, my.

• 13:37Dax Shepard?

  She's a heat seeker.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  My mom was like, "I'm not sending you any more money. You should have listened to me," which I should have.

• 13:44Speaker 01

  It's a lesson.

• 13:44Dax Shepard?

  Did they ever retrieve the money from her vagina and return it to you?

• 13:48Speaker 02

  They did not. And I don't think I wanted it at that point either.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  That's the problem. She knew that when she stuck it up there.

• 13:54Dax Shepard?

  That money still spends. I would want it back. Wow, so that was it. And then normally if you were home, you'd probably have to go into court and testify against them. But you're leaving the country. So you never heard anything about it again?

• 14:06Speaker 02

  No, they dragged them away and we didn't hear about it again.

• 14:10Dax Shepard?

  Was your PE teacher feeling wonderful after that?

• 14:13Speaker 02

  I guess. It makes sense why they would tack him on as one of the chaperones to the trip, just in case an altercation like this went down.

• 14:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, safety measure.

• 14:22Dax Shepard?

  He earned his keep. He earned that free trip. Shout out.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  Wow. Well, I'm sad you didn't get your money back, but that is a good story.

• 14:31Dax Shepard?

  That's worth $150.

• 14:32Speaker 02

  Before we wrap up, I just want to say thank you for doing your podcast. I've been a listener since this podcast started, so this is such a cool opportunity. When you guys started the Armchair Anonymous series, I was like, "Damn it, nothing interesting happens to me. I'm never gonna be able to submit to this." And then I heard the first travel or vacation story prompt that you guys did. And somebody had a similar situation where they got robbed and I was like, I have a story. And ever since then, I've been waiting for a prompt.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  You manifested it.

• 15:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 15:07Speaker 02

  I did. I've learned so much from the guests that you've brought on, the amount of books that I've read as a result of all the experts that you've brought on. I'm an engineer, so my job is very technical. So whenever I listen to your guys' podcasts, it's a good kind of brain break to explore more gray area stuff.

• 15:26Dax Shepard?

  Oh, thank you. We're so delighted you're a part of it all.

• 15:30Speaker 02

  Thank you guys so much.

• 15:31Dax Shepard?

  All right.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  Have a great day. Watch some Netflix in there. Take a break.

• 15:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm gonna wait about 30 minutes before I get back out there.

• 15:40Dax Shepard?

  All right. Great meeting you. Take care.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  Bye, guys.

• 15:51Dax Shepard?

  This episode is brought to you by McDonald's. The Quarter Pounder with Cheese with Medium Fries and a Drink is now $8.

• 16:01Speaker 01

  What?

• 16:02Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I need to talk about something that doesn't get enough respect. The Quarter Pounder with Cheese. This is not a casual burger. This is a crafted burger. We're talking 100% fresh beef cooked right when you order it. No artificial flavors, no fillers, no preservatives, just beef doing what beef is supposed to do. And here's a detail I love. There's a cowbell sound in the kitchen. When somebody orders a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a cowbell goes off and the grill master throws a fresh patty down. That's like having your own entrance music at McDonald's. I want a cowbell for everything in life. The onions are hand topped by someone who just knows the right amount. Two slices of cheese laid out in a star pattern, so every single bite gets cheese. And two pickles side by side, so you're never in a pickle desert.

• 16:46Dax Shepard?

  Every bite is accounted for. Someone engineered this thing with love. I love a Quarter Pounder.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  Me too. That's my order. It's a Quarter Pounder with cheese. I love it. I didn't know they put so much effort that they did a star formation. I should have known because you can taste it when there's effort.

• 17:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the love. Don't tell anyone this, but I'll put two of them back.

• 17:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm not surprised.

• 17:10Dax Shepard?

  The Quarter Pounder with Cheese with Fries and a Drink, now $8 for a limited time only, only at McDonald's. For a limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. Fresh beef not available in Alaska and Hawaii. Offer not valid for delivery. We get support from NoBull. The holidays can get hectic. You finally hit a post-summer routine and suddenly you're on hosting duty every week.

• 17:36Speaker 01

  That's when you really need to ground yourself.

• 17:39Dax Shepard?

  Exactly, and that's why I keep my training routine through the holidays. It's the whole NoBull idea. There's a no bullshit training brand built around consistency, honesty, and just putting in the work. It's not about adding more pressure to an already packed schedule. It's about having the gear and the habits to move through the season your way. My personal favorite, all three of the shoes are fantastic. The Outwork, the Outwork Flex, and the Drive 2. I like the Drive 2 because it's a hybrid, and I lift, of course, but I also like to do what's called box jumps.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 18:10Dax Shepard?

  Right, I do a lot of jumping onto a little platform, and I want a little more flexibility, and boy, do they deliver.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  And if you're a cardio person and you're running and you also need to be lifting.

• 18:20Dax Shepard?

  And the style is banging. I don't know what to say. Beautiful style, very breathable, very, very comfortable, lots of support. They were built for lifting.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  They also make a great holiday gift. You know, I love gifting, a purposeful one that actually supports someone's goals and routines, and it's not a gift that just ends up in the back of the closet.

• 18:37Dax Shepard?

  Stay stronger than the season. Head to nobullproject.com all holiday season to shop new deals every week. This episode is brought to you by Dell. Gifts mean more when they have the power to give more. They can inspire more discovery, give more confidence, and unwrap more of who you are. This Black Friday, give a gift that goes beyond the box. The Dell XPS 13 Laptop. With a beautiful design and cutting-edge performance, it helps you unlock more possibilities. It's the thinnest, lightest XPS laptop yet, with touchscreen, a backlit keyboard, and long-lasting battery life to power you through your day. Built with a durable aluminum chassis, weighing just 2.2 pounds.

• 19:20Dax Shepard?

  And Intel Core processors. It's fast, reliable and portable enough to keep up wherever you go. Visit dell.com to explore the possibilities of XPS. While shopping, you'll also find great perks like Dell Rewards. Fast free shipping, premium support and financing with flexible payment options. Plus, you can find great deals on monitors and accessories. That means you can score a whole new setup now for less. This Black Friday sale is one you don't want to miss. Head to dell.com/deals. That's dell.com/deals.

• 19:56Dax Shepard?

  This episode is supported by Helix.

• 19:59Speaker 01

  Okay, can we talk about how November is basically survival mode between the holidays, the travel, the hosting, the cooking, the everything? Sleep is the one thing keeping me from completely unraveling.

• 20:10Dax Shepard?

  It really is the foundation. And I think people underestimate how much a bad mattress is quietly ruining their day. You wake up stiff, your back's angry, you're already behind before your feet hit the floor.

• 20:21Speaker 01

  That was me before Helix. I took their sleep quiz, which is so fast. It took me like two minutes and they matched me to a mattress that actually fits how I sleep. Not a guess, not a firm or soft coin flip. It's a real match. I have a midnight mattress and I really like it. I was noticing it because I actually had to sleep in one of my other beds recently.

• 20:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 20:40Speaker 01

  That doesn't have a Helix mattress on it and I really could tell a big difference in my sleep.

• 20:44Dax Shepard?

  Temperature was all over the map.

• 20:45Speaker 01

  It was a mess. I need a new one.

• 20:47Dax Shepard?

  Look, they've got over 20 mattress models. So whether you sleep hot, need extra back support, or you've got a partner who moves around all night, there's one built for you. Plus free shipping and a 365 night happy with Helix guarantee. That's a full year to decide.

• 21:02Speaker 01

  Helix has been named the most awarded mattress by Forbes, Wired and more. So it's not just us being enthusiastic. The experts agree.

• 21:08Dax Shepard?

  Right now Helix is running their Black Friday sale with up to 30% off. Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. helixsleep.com/armchair.

• 21:34Speaker 03

  Test, test.

• 21:35Dax Shepard?

  We hear you, but we can't see you.

• 21:37Speaker 03

  Hold tight. Here we go.

• 21:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, here we go.

• 21:42Speaker 01

  Oh, look at this broom.

• 21:43Dax Shepard?

  Got a drum kit behind us? What do we got?

• 21:45Speaker 03

  Little man cave. Yeah, it's the drum studio, Stick Monkey Studio down here in the basement.

• 21:50Dax Shepard?

  What kind of kit are you playing?

• 21:51Speaker 03

  Tama.

• 21:52Dax Shepard?

  Oh, nice. I'm gonna say that your shirt is of a VW Thing.

• 21:58Speaker 03

  That is correct.

• 22:00Dax Shepard?

  Are you so impressed, Monica?

• 22:01Speaker 03

  Do you know what a Thing is?

• 22:03Speaker 01

  No.

• 22:04Dax Shepard?

  Well, okay, show her the whole shirt now. But I got that from the windshield.

• 22:07Speaker 03

  So the story about this thing is a year ago, I was at a classic car show. There was a charity raffle. I bought a $20 raffle ticket and I won a 1973 VW Thing.

• 22:19Dax Shepard?

  No way. Was it in gorgeous condition?

• 22:21Speaker 03

  No, there's a reason why people donate cars to charity. For the last eight months, I've been restoring it. First was mechanical safety because it ran, but it didn't stop. And then there was an enormous amount of rust that had just invaded the whole car. So I just finished that restoration. So we've been enjoying that over the last two weeks. And then I kind of have a bigger plan.

• 22:41Dax Shepard?

  Can I guess what the plan is?

• 22:43Speaker 03

  Go ahead.

• 22:43Dax Shepard?

  WRX motor?

• 22:45Speaker 03

  Nope. I'm gonna try to pull a Downey Jr. I'm gonna drop the engine and pull the gas tank and convert it to an EV.

• 22:50Dax Shepard?

  Okay, another great option. Yeah, that's a cool option. Okay, so you have a public transit story. She knows once we get on cars, we could never come back.

• 22:58Speaker 03

  I'm into that, but we're here for the show. So let's get the public transit story. So I live in Boston. Boston has a subway system, which is actually the oldest subway system in the nation. Part of that system is kind of like a trolley more than a subway. So when you go down, there's no lowered ground. You literally enter at ground level. 1992, I had just graduated from Northeastern University. I was valet parking cars because I didn't have a job yet from my major.

• 23:29Dax Shepard?

  That's a job I always wanted and never had. Did you love it?

• 23:32Speaker 03

  It's a lot of fun. Being a car enthusiast, you got to drive a lot of people's really expensive whips without owning them. And tips, it was a good gig. I got off of a really long shift. I lived in an area of Boston called Alston, which is, you know, maybe five miles up the road. You would typically take the tea, the subway home after the end of the shift. So the place I was valeting was right across from the Boston Common. So I went to the Arlington Tea Stop. I go down the stairs and I'm waiting and I'm waiting and I'm waiting. And I realized that I probably missed the last tea of the night.

• 24:10Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 24:10Speaker 03

  Bummer. Now I gotta blow part of the tips that I just made on getting a cab home. So I go to walk upstairs and the staff has locked the place up tight. Oh my God.

• 24:24Dax Shepard?

  You're in jail now.

• 24:25Speaker 03

  They didn't check? I am locked in the subway station under the city. Remember I said it was 1992. We didn't have cell phones.

• 24:33Dax Shepard?

  Right. For flashlights in your pocket.

• 24:36Speaker 03

  And I'm a 22 year old guy, so I'm still not really fully formed. I'm not even thinking to look for an emergency phone or even a pay phone. I just think to myself, well, I've been riding the tea for five years. I know where I am. And if I look up the subway tracks, three blocks up is Copley Square. I could probably walk up the subway tracks and get to the next stop.

• 25:02Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so I'm cosigning on this plan, but are you not thinking you'll surface from that station and the gates will also be locked there?

• 25:10Speaker 03

  Again, reiterating that I'm 22 and, you know, the stations themselves are illuminated, but the space between the stations are really not that well lit, but I start on my way. And I am immediately welcomed by the city's rats.

• 25:26Speaker 03

  There's just a lot of those guys just hopping all over the place. For some reason, I got the Chris Reeve Superman movie from the eighties in my head where the guy is hiding in the hidey hole. Lex Luthor pushes the button and it pushes him out so he gets killed by the train.

• 25:40Dax Shepard?

  Yup.

• 25:40Speaker 03

  Yeah. And so I'm like, okay, are they moving trains maybe after hours? Am I gonna make this? Fortunately, I make it to Copley Square without dying or getting eaten by a rat. And to your point earlier, though, Dax, of course it's locked. It's after hours. The whole place is locked. Yeah, yeah, the whole subway system. Now, I've got a real dilemma because now I know where I am and there's not a point that it surfaces as the trolley on the street for half a mile, mile, maybe. One way to the left is known as the E line, which is where I had gone to school at Northeastern. I know that way, but that's not where I live now. That's the wrong way. And then straight ahead would be through the Heinz Convention Center to Kenmore Square. And then the trolley surface up there.

• 26:24Speaker 03

  I'm like, that's where I live. That's where I want to go. I'm gonna hoof it. Yeah, yeah. What other choice do you have? You're not gonna sleep on the ground.

• 26:33Speaker 01

  I think that is what you do.

• 26:34Speaker 03

  Most people, I think, probably would have slept. I start up the next leg and this leg would be much longer. And there's still plenty of rats to keep me company. And about maybe three, four blocks up, I miraculously come upon an emergency exit. Oh, oh. It's a door. I open the door and there's kind of a stairwell that looks like it's going to nothing. So I start to climb the stairwell and as I near the top, I see a little bit of light. And it turns out that I am walking up a staircase to a street grate in the sidewalk. There's an emergency handle there. I pop the handle. I flip this grate up.

• 27:17Speaker 03

  And as I'm emerging, now it's like, you know, 1:15 in the morning. All the bars are letting out. It's summertime. Everyone's having the time of their life and they're looking at me like, what in the world? There's a subterranean Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Dweller coming up, but fortunately I'm out and I'm free. And you're lucky no one fell in. I don't even remember if I closed it. Who knows? You know, I was just so happy to be out of that situation. I look at my watch and it's 1:20. Last call's at 1:30. Right across the street is a place called The Cactus Club, referencing a lot of stuff from Boston. Over in Harvard Square, there used to be a place called Hong Kong and they would do this thing called a scorpion bowl, which is basically a mixing bowl of rum.

• 28:01Speaker 03

  Cactus Club had its equivalent of that. They had the Cactus Bowl. And this is for like three to five people, right? You normally have that with your friends. I walked in, I ordered one of those and I sucked the whole thing down. That's gonna help. Well, it's gonna take the edge off, right?

• 28:18Dax Shepard?

  This is one of the most Boston stories ever told.

• 28:21Speaker 03

  Boston's got a lot of referencing points, you know, you gotta know where you are. So now totally inebriated, but at least a lot less stressed. I walk out, I grab that cab.

• 28:30Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, cuz now you don't give a fuck about spending money.

• 28:32Speaker 03

  Not at all.

• 28:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 28:33Speaker 03

  I'm alive, I'm drunk. I get home, my now wife, then girlfriend, obviously sound asleep. I'm like, hey, wait till you hear this story.

• 28:41Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 28:41Dax Shepard?

  That's great.

• 28:43Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 28:43Dax Shepard?

  I would have been having those same Superman flashbacks. I can see it very well. And anytime I think of being in a subway tunnel, I think of Lex Luthor. Monica, do those ring a bell? Did you ever see those ones, the early Superman?

• 28:56Speaker 01

  No, I didn't.

• 28:57Dax Shepard?

  Gene Hackman was Lex Luthor, and he had this incredible lair under the city. It was gorgeous. He had like a supervillain cave attached to the subways.

• 29:06Speaker 03

  There's one footnote to this story. Years later, I'm in sales now. I'm now working for this company and I have an opportunity to sell the service to the MBTA, the T. I get a meeting at their headquarters. I'm in the big conference room with all the maps and the guys come in and I'm like, listen, before we talk about what we're here to talk about, I gotta tell you guys a story.

• 29:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 29:29Speaker 03

  Right? And so I tell this tale. I can't tell if they were totally aghast or they were like, eh, that's par for the course. But needless to say, I got some good cred going into the meeting. We didn't have closing the deal, but it doesn't really matter. It was the point of telling the story.

• 29:47Dax Shepard?

  Well, you're so honest cuz you could have easily said you closed the deal. He just demonstrated some integrity.

• 29:51Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 29:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Well, Matthew, this has been a damn joy.

• 29:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, how fun.

• 29:55Speaker 03

  My wife is a huge armcherry. I guess this was a prompt a number of years ago and she knew the story and she missed it. And so when the prompt came up again, she's like, we gotta get you in this time. She wrote it. She didn't really write it all that well. I had to obviously rewrite it with all that color. But she would love to say hi.

• 30:13Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, please get her in here.

• 30:15Speaker 03

  Jen, here we go.

• 30:17Dax Shepard?

  And if you want to do a drum solo, I'm also up for watching that.

• 30:20Speaker 01

  Hi there.

• 30:21Dax Shepard?

  Jen, nice to meet you.

• 30:23Speaker 04

  Nice to meet you both. I have to say you're the soundtrack of my life.

• 30:27Dax Shepard?

  Oh, good.

• 30:29Speaker 01

  So nice.

• 30:30Dax Shepard?

  That's flattering.

• 30:31Speaker 04

  I used to always cut out articles in like the Times or the Globe that would pertain to sell like a friend or a family member. And now I just send different episodes to people.

• 30:41Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I love that. Send away. Yeah. It's like a multi-level marketing system. Yeah, we need you.

• 30:46Speaker 04

  I got you. I got you.

• 30:47Speaker 03

  We're driving user listeners.

• 30:50Dax Shepard?

  Well, it's delightful to meet you guys. You're so fun, both of you.

• 30:53Speaker 03

  Thank you so much. We really appreciate what you guys do and we love it.

• 30:56Dax Shepard?

  Okay, thank you, brother. Take care.

• 30:58Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 31:00Speaker 05

  Hello.

• 31:01Dax Shepard?

  Hello. Oh, you have the ro- we both have the robot on.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, how cute. I didn't get the memo.

• 31:08Dax Shepard?

  Monica, you're in your closet.

• 31:11Speaker 01

  You sound great.

• 31:12Dax Shepard?

  I'm trying to make some conclusions based on your wardrobe. I do think you live somewhere that's cold.

• 31:17Speaker 05

  Yes, I'm in Chicago.

• 31:19Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  Can we presume this story is about the L?

• 31:22Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 31:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh, good job, Monica.

• 31:25Speaker 01

  Thank you. I know about the L because Matt Damon goes on it in Ocean's Eleven.

• 31:30Dax Shepard?

  And you know why it's called the L?

• 31:32Speaker 01

  Because Matt Damon goes on it in Ocean's Eleven.

• 31:35Dax Shepard?

  That's right. And his name starts with an L. It stands for elevated train, right?

• 31:39Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 31:39Dax Shepard?

  You're not impressed. I'm looking right at your face. Oh, you weren't even listening. You already bailed out.

• 31:45Speaker 01

  I was thinking about Matt Damon. You know, you know, once I say his name, I do have a minute or two.

• 31:50Dax Shepard?

  You go through like his greatest hits in your head?

• 31:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:53Dax Shepard?

  Who's your number one celebrity crush?

• 31:55Speaker 05

  I don't get as obsessive about the crushes. I get obsessive about fans. I'm a big Taylor Swift fan.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:01Speaker 05

  Monica, so I feel like I get more into that. But I am watching The Pit and Dr. Robbie is big crush right now.

• 32:09Dax Shepard?

  He's doing it for you.

• 32:10Speaker 01

  He's just the hottest. Oh, my God, as hot as it gets.

• 32:14Dax Shepard?

  Okay, let's get to your elevated train story.

• 32:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, let's hear it.

• 32:17Dax Shepard?

  That Monica was not impressed with.

• 32:19Speaker 05

  Oh, I'm impressed. This takes place two summers ago. It's Lollapalooza weekend. Do you guys know what Lollapalooza is? Yes, music. Big music festival.

• 32:26Dax Shepard?

  I know the original one, Julia.

• 32:28Speaker 05

  Oh, really?

• 32:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, back in the 90s.

• 32:31Speaker 05

  I've never gone to Lollapalooza. It overwhelms me. It's very crowded, but normally I would not take the L home at night. I tend to transit there, Uber home to be safe. But I feel like most of the fear around being on transit at night is when it's an empty train car. And since it was Lollapalooza weekend, all the trains are packed super late. We went to an after show and it was like one in the morning and there was still a ton of people. So my girlfriends and I were like, this is fine. We don't have to ride that far. There's a ton of people. Nothing will happen. So my girlfriends have to get off two stops before me. I'm the last one to get off. Probably like the stop right before they have to get off. This man boards and he is holding like a cup of brown liquor.

• 33:16Speaker 05

  He's got the glassy eyes. He immediately grabs this open bag of flaming hot Doritos that's on the L and just starts like shoving it into his face. He's got the red all over his mouth and then he locks in on us.

• 33:31Dax Shepard?

  Uh oh.

• 33:31Speaker 05

  Wait, when you say us, how many? It's me and three other girlfriends, but they're all getting off at the next stop.

• 33:39Dax Shepard?

  Hmm.

• 33:39Speaker 05

  Oh, my God. Everyone's a little like, uh oh, do we want to leave Julia alone? We don't really want to. We're all texting each other. And I was like, I have two more stops to go. It'll be fine. We went to the concert with another friend. He's sober at home downtown. He doesn't live north like us. So I was like, I will call Sam and he has his wits about him. And if something happens, he'll be aware of it. It'll be fine.

• 34:11Dax Shepard?

  We are supported by Walden University. You know that feeling when you've been thinking about making a move, going after the degree, the promotion, the thing you keep telling yourself you'll get to someday? Walden University is built for that moment. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working professionals get the W, the knowledge, the skills, and the confidence to create real change in their careers and communities. Their programs are designed around your life, not the other way around. With Tempo Learning, available in select programs, there are no rigid schedules or set weekly deadlines. You move at your own pace. And Walden's faculty aren't just academics. They're practitioners who bring real-world experience into everything they teach.

• 34:54Dax Shepard?

  From your first class to career coaching and beyond, Walden is your partner the whole way. Take the first step and learn at a pace that works for you. Visit waldenu.edu. Walden University. Set a course for change. Certified to operate by CHEV. We are supported by Squarespace. So here's something I think about a lot. Most people I talk to on this show, the ones doing really interesting things, they all had a version of their work that existed before anyone else saw it. It was just theirs, notes, ideas, projects they were tinkering with. And then at some point, they made the decision to share it. That's the part that's scary, right? Going from "I'm working on something" to "here's what I made." Rob went through the exact same thing, building our site on Squarespace.

• 35:38Dax Shepard?

  And what made it doable was that he didn't have to become a web developer overnight. He just had to show up with the idea. Squarespace handles the rest. Beautiful templates that actually look like you hired someone, built-in SEO so people can find you, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics, all under one roof. No code, no patchwork of random tools. And honestly, the thing I keep coming back to is how low the barrier is. If you've got something you've been building quietly and you're ready for people to see it, Squarespace makes that leap feel a lot less dramatic. Head to Squarespace.com/dax for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. We get support from our sponsor Lilly.

• 36:21Dax Shepard?

  For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Gleepran. Foundo is a once daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.

• 36:43Speaker 06

  Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it or if you or someone in your family had majorary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes, if you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be, or taking birth control pills, and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems.

• 37:23Speaker 06

  Once daily Foundo is available by prescription only in 0.8 mg, 2.5 mg, 5.5 mg, 9 mg, 14.5 mg, and 17.2 mg tablets. Learn more at foundo.lilly.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.

• 37:49Speaker 05

  So I give him a call, they get off, and now the guy moves to sit directly across from me. No.

• 37:55Dax Shepard?

  How old is this guy?

• 37:56Speaker 05

  I would say maybe late 30s. Hard to tell.

• 38:00Dax Shepard?

  Okay, late 30s. All right, so not like a 60-year-old.

• 38:03Speaker 05

  I call Sam, my friend who's at home, and I'm like, hey, he's feeding me like, I don't know if you see like those TikToks, people on social media, what to say if you're in an Uber and you think you're being kidnapped. And it's like, yes, I'll meet you at the stop. Trying to like make it sound like somebody's gonna be there when I get off. He's like, it's probably fine. I doubt anything will happen. You only have two stops. And we get to my stop, the Belmont stop, and I get up and he gets up with me.

• 38:28Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 38:29Speaker 05

  And so I'm saying to Sam, he's getting off with me and he was like, don't panic. It could just be his stop. Just try to get out of there as fast as you can. So I like fly down those steps to that train station, turn the corner, just power walking down the street. And for a second, I think he's not with me. And so I was like, okay, I think it's fine. And then I look over my shoulder and he rounds the bend and is just staring at me still. And he's picked up his pace. No.

• 38:54Dax Shepard?

  Oh my God, you're being chased now.

• 38:56Speaker 05

  Yes. I'm so glad I was on the phone with Sam because I don't know if my brain would have done the smart thing in that situation. I live four blocks from the train station. So my gut was like, can I just outrace him home? But Sam was like, Cheezys is right there. It's like a late night drunk food grilled cheese place. And he's like, they have a bouncer. Go in there and ask them for help.

• 39:16Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, good job.

• 39:17Speaker 05

  I duck into Cheezys and the bouncer is like this big guy. And I'm like, don't let that man in behind me. He's following me from the train. And so he stops the guy and the guy's like arguing with him. And then eventually the guy starts walking away. So the bouncer comes in and he's like, are you good? You can sit here as long as you need. Is someone gonna come pick you up? I was like, I live three blocks from Cheezys. It's fine. I'm still on the phone with Sam. I will wait 20 minutes. I'm sure it'll all pass.

• 39:43Dax Shepard?

  Did you have a grilled cheese while you waited?

• 39:44Speaker 05

  No, but I've had many grilled cheeses since. I'm sitting there talking to Sam and I look up and Cheezys has a glass huge window storefront. And the man did not in fact leave. He walked to the end of the front window and has plastered his face and hands against the glass and is still staring at me. I'm sitting at like a table right by the door. So I tap the bouncer and I'm like, hey, he's still there. So he goes back out there, chases him away again. I reset my 20 minute clock. I'm like, it's still fine. I'm not gonna get picked up. Sam lives like a 20 minute drive from me. I'm like, you do not need to come all the way up here to give me a ride home. Talking to the bouncer is just hanging out. Five minutes maybe go by and this man's coming.

• 40:26Speaker 05

  Coming back, he's running down the block and he's yelling and pounding his fists on the door. Bouncer grabs another bouncer. They both go out. They've got like their batons out this time and they're like, hey, get away from here. Get away from here. Pushing him off down the block. So now I'm pretty shaken up, but I'm still like, okay, there's no way he's coming back after he's been chased away with these batons.

• 40:46Dax Shepard?

  And Julie, I don't want to victim shame here, but no one's thinking to call the police at this point. Like, why don't we get the police involved?

• 40:54Speaker 05

  I'm in pure panic mode. Poor Sam probably was so confused about what was going on because he's just getting me being like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. And the bouncers kept being like, don't worry, we've got it.

• 41:03Dax Shepard?

  It's also very Chicago.

• 41:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, these things happen. It feels like a lot to call.

• 41:08Dax Shepard?

  And that's a really crazy part of town.

• 41:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, people are doing things. I'm starting to warm up the idea of getting a ride home, but what seals the deal to get a ride home is that he comes back another time. And he has a crowbar and he was trying to smash the front window of Cheezys.

• 41:26Dax Shepard?

  Fucking God, he's deranged.

• 41:28Speaker 05

  He was determined. I don't know where he found that. It's like 2:00 AM. Now the whole restaurant's like, what's going on? Everyone's seeing it at the window. It's packed because it's Lollapalooza weekend. So the bouncers are like, get in the back. And so I'm in the back hiding because we're like, maybe if I'm out of sight, I'm behind the bread in the back stock. Big Will and the other guy go out there, the bouncers. I don't even see what they do, but they come back afterwards and they're like, okay, how are you doing? I'm so scared. I was like, my friend is on his way. He's coming to get me. And they were like, we're so sorry this happened. I was just thanking them profusely. And he's like, my name's Big Will. If you could write us a five star review on Google and mention our names. I was like, absolutely. I'll do it right now. And so I wrote this review, like the Cheezys bouncer saved my life and told the whole thing.

• 42:13Speaker 05

  But now I live so close to Cheezys and my friends and I was like telling everyone about this story when it happened. I couldn't stop saying the Cheezys bouncer saved my life. And it's become our spot. We go every time we go out and Big Will's friends with us. We follow each other on Instagram. He always gives me a big hug. He's in the doorway when I'm walking to and from on Belmont. He'll be like waving or like, be safe tonight. I sent in a picture, I think Rob should have it with Big Will and Rolando. We're buddies now. They got us these VI Cheese wristbands. VI Cheese?

• 42:46Speaker 07

  Oh, fun.

• 42:47Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:48Speaker 05

  And we get 10% off and it's like our favorite place. They're both mean muggin'. That was New Year's Eve.

• 42:54Speaker 07

  Oh, how fun.

• 42:55Dax Shepard?

  You're happy as fuck and they're mean muggin'.

• 42:59Speaker 05

  They're sweeties.

• 43:00Dax Shepard?

  So this is kind of a meet cute as well.

• 43:02Speaker 07

  I was about to say that.

• 43:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's kind of a double whammy.

• 43:05Speaker 07

  Yeah, I love it.

• 43:05Dax Shepard?

  Like, tell us about an unlikely friendship that's emerged.

• 43:07Speaker 07

  Yeah, oh, that's a good prompt.

• 43:09Dax Shepard?

  Rob, write that down, Rob. Was that a rap on the L for you? Are you like, yeah, I'm not doing that.

• 43:14Speaker 05

  I still take it, but just not late at night. I tend to see, honestly, the craziest people at like 9:30 in the morning. If I go into the office after rush hour, Purple Line has a lot going on at those times.

• 43:26Dax Shepard?

  No kidding?

• 43:27Speaker 07

  Oh, wow.

• 43:27Dax Shepard?

  Fuck, maybe I want to start riding that L.

• 43:30Speaker 07

  Thanks for sharing.

• 43:31Dax Shepard?

  Thank you for that story. It's delightful to meet you.

• 43:33Speaker 05

  Thank you, guys. I'm so excited. I need to shout out my cousins, the Lackeys and my friend Ian. They're my other armcherry people I get to talk to. They're the first people I told when I got selected.

• 43:44Speaker 07

  Lackeys and Ian.

• 43:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, this is great. All right, well, lovely meeting you.

• 43:47Speaker 05

  Thank you, guys, so much. Great to meet you.

• 43:49Dax Shepard?

  Bye. That's your nightmare, that story.

• 43:52Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 43:53Speaker 08

  The Chicago L was crazy. I used to take it to school. Every morning was something new.

• 43:58Dax Shepard?

  It's a blessing that Detroit doesn't have mass transit. They have this thing called the People Mover, but no one would ever ride it. It goes like three blocks.

• 44:07Speaker 07

  Oh, there we go.

• 44:08Dax Shepard?

  Bingo.

• 44:09Speaker 07

  Is that a bulldog on your sweatshirt? I wore this just for you, Monica. I'm probably gonna have a heat stroke. I'm in Arizona and I'm wearing this. Look at you. That's a great sweatshirt. Did you go to UGA? I didn't. I went to University of Tampa first and my girl Kristen found this for me at a thrift store back in like 2003. It's a great sweatshirt.

• 44:29Dax Shepard?

  I bet you could make $1,000 right now. I bet you would pay nearly anything for that sweatshirt.

• 44:34Speaker 07

  You could probably name your price right now. Oh, well, I can send it to you. No, I refuse to take from an armcherry.

• 44:41Dax Shepard?

  That's a cool sweatshirt, though. I would want it, too.

• 44:43Speaker 07

  Thanks.

• 44:43Dax Shepard?

  Arizona would have been a top guest for me, given the blanket behind you. It's got very Arizona vibes.

• 44:48Speaker 07

  I'm in a very warm wool fort right now.

• 44:51Dax Shepard?

  Are you from Arizona?

• 44:53Speaker 07

  No, I'm actually from Missouri, went to Florida and then transferred to U of A. I'm near Sedona now.

• 44:58Dax Shepard?

  We had one of our favorite trips there. Okay, so you have a public transit story. I can't imagine what state it took place in, given those options.

• 45:06Speaker 07

  Took place in Tucson. We joke and say it's a sunny place for shady people.

• 45:12Speaker 07

  So it took place in 2006. I was going to the U of A and I just moved to my first off-campus housing, some student apartments, and they were a ways away, so I was gonna have to commute every day. I had a car, but I apparently decided to be frugal all of a sudden and I found out how much the parking pass was compared to my old school in Florida. I was just like, this is absurd. I refuse to give that much money to park miles away from where my class is gonna be anyway. So I decided I'm gonna take the city bus. I'm not above that. It'll be a very humble experience.

• 45:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, Buddhist.

• 45:43Speaker 07

  Yeah, it'd be very environmentally friendly, less car on the road. Yep. So overall, I actually really enjoyed it. It was really quiet in the mornings and I could study and do things last minute. But this one very balmy monsoon afternoon, I was taking the bus back from campus and I was like the last stop. It was like 110 degrees, probably like 115 at the bus stops. Super humid all of a sudden, so everything's super hot and sticky. I often saw interesting characters. We had lots of regulars on my route. One of my regular guys, we'll call him Pete, he hopped on and he's an older guy and he looks like he's not able to let his 80s California boardwalk days go. He's very sun weathered, really orange, brown skin, looks like you could drag him down the street, he'd be totally fine.

• 46:29Speaker 07

  Really long, bleached, yellowy-white blonde hair and it was balding on top, but long enough he'd pull it in like a messy ponytail in the back. And he was a cool guy, like didn't usually make a scene, but I guess this one afternoon, he decided it was a good day to pamper himself. So I'm sitting in the back, so I can pretty much see everything that's going on. And he sits down towards the front of the bus and, you know, it's a big old city bus, so the windows don't open. They have the AC unit kinda towards the front in this one, but then it works, like spitting water and it's just kinda recirculating half-assed cool air. Sits down across from the A C unit, starts taking off his socks and shoes. And I'm like, okay, you know, it's hot out, maybe his shoes are rubbing. And then I see him, he reaches into his bag and then he pulls out what looks like a small cheese grater.

• 47:14Speaker 07

  He starts sawing away at his heel.

• 47:16Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 47:17Dax Shepard?

  I'm a fucking boss.

• 47:19Speaker 07

  Every time we would turn a corner, you could see the sun rays shining down, perfect lines through his wafting cloud.

• 47:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the heel particles that are entering the atmosphere.

• 47:30Speaker 01

  Dead skin cells everywhere.

• 47:33Speaker 07

  It's a pretty big cloud, too. First of all, I instantly cover my face. I don't want to embarrass the guy. Like, maybe he doesn't have a home or has a home, he can do this. Maybe this is his time. I cover my mouth and I'm taking like the tiniest little sips of air possible. So I just pictured them going in the mouth and nose. It reminded me of like one hundred and fifteen degrees and everyone's sweaty and it's summer, so everyone's wearing tank tops and shorts. And all I could think about was just his dead foot skin just sticking to everyone around him.

• 48:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:02Dax Shepard?

  This is a torture chamber.

• 48:03Speaker 07

  Thankfully, no one made a scene, but I'd say we were all wearing a little bit of Pete's petty that day. I debated hopping off the bus as soon as possible, but it's super hot. And then my luck, I wouldn't find anyone. I'd have to like stand on the road in a hundred and twenty degrees and pavement, calling someone to come pick me up. It wasn't reasonable, so I stayed on for the duration.

• 48:23Dax Shepard?

  Did he do both heels or just one was bothering him?

• 48:27Speaker 07

  Oh, no, he did both.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  He had to get the full spa treatment.

• 48:30Speaker 07

  Yeah, he was sawing away. I feel like nowadays people would probably say something, so I guess I'm grateful that people were very polite.

• 48:37Dax Shepard?

  Trying to think what I would do. Okay, hey bud, could you cheese grate your feet outside of the bus? I think maybe I'd have to ask. If I saw it in the air like that, that would freak me the fuck out. Yeah, when things get atomized. People do that shit on airplanes. That's what's incredible. I follow an account on Instagram. I wish I could remember the name of it, but it's like passenger shaming or something like that. And it's people cutting their fucking toenails on a flight.

• 49:03Speaker 01

  That's where I thought it was going. This is worse.

• 49:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, this is much worse than toenails. We should add that to our thing.

• 49:09Speaker 01

  Would you rather eat?

• 49:11Dax Shepard?

  Grated skin.

• 49:12Speaker 01

  Grated skin, chunk of skin.

• 49:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 49:16Speaker 01

  I'd rather eat grated.

• 49:17Dax Shepard?

  I want to get on with a battery powered Dremel and just start grinding my toenail. I have to grind all the time because it does, there's powder everywhere.

• 49:27Speaker 01

  Disgusting.

• 49:29Speaker 07

  I did end up buying a pass after all.

• 49:32Dax Shepard?

  Well, you get what you pay for. Well, Katie, thank you. I'm sorry you were subjected to that.

• 49:37Speaker 01

  I hope it's off of you now. Thanks for sharing that and really great sweatshirt. Just want to reiterate that.

• 49:43Speaker 07

  Thank you. So I did wild and firefighting for like 10 years and I quit to have my babies. I'm at home now. I have a two and a half year old and a six month old.

• 49:52Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God.

• 49:53Speaker 07

  I haven't slept all week, so I'm extra proud. You guys have really helped me get through some hard moments of running with them in the stroller and the isolation has been hard for me. So you guys are awesome.

• 50:04Dax Shepard?

  Oh, thank you, Katie.

• 50:06Speaker 07

  And can I say happy birthday to my husband? It's today.

• 50:08Speaker 01

  Oh, my gosh. Happy birthday.

• 50:10Dax Shepard?

  What's his name?

• 50:11Speaker 07

  Phil. I just booted him out with the kids. Like, you have to go now.

• 50:14Dax Shepard?

  Happy birthday. Get the fuck out of here.

• 50:16Speaker 07

  Pretty much. Happy birthday to him and thanks to Christie, my sister-in-law, for hooking me up. She told me about your podcast and then my brother for being my tech support, my brother Bob. He helped me out today, calmed me down a little bit.

• 50:26Speaker 01

  It all worked out.

• 50:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 50:27Speaker 01

  Thanks for chatting with us.

• 50:28Dax Shepard?

  Thanks, Katie. Great meeting you.

• 50:30Speaker 01

  Have a good day.

• 50:31Speaker 07

  Yeah, you too.

• 50:32Dax Shepard?

  What a cute sweatshirt. That's gonna haunt you, isn't it? It's all you're thinking about.

• 50:36Speaker 01

  I want it. I can't have it. It's okay. This is Buddhism.

• 50:40Dax Shepard?

  You didn't even know about it an hour ago?

• 50:42Speaker 01

  Speaking of, you know, the armcherry from last week's episode or a couple of weeks ago, also a sweater, Japanese sweater that I really wanted. I did get the website. There's no way I can have it.

• 50:54Dax Shepard?

  Price-wise?

• 50:55Speaker 01

  No, you just can't really order it.

• 50:57Dax Shepard?

  You gotta be there.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:59Dax Shepard?

  So now there's gonna be a very expensive sweatshirt because you're gonna have to go to goddamn Tokyo to get this thing.

• 51:03Speaker 08

  Oh, we've got some Tokyo listeners. I'm sure that'll go for you.

• 51:06Speaker 01

  I don't want to put out any armcherries, but I guess if you're in Japan.

• 51:10Dax Shepard?

  We should ask Eric retroactively. Do I know someone that's there right now? Everyone's there.

• 51:15Speaker 01

  People are going there.

• 51:16Dax Shepard?

  I think the exchange rate is beneficial currently. Well, I've had some wild public transits. I had the guy ask if he could smoke. Then he smoked crack. And then the guy that wanted to fight me when I rode my bike and brought it back and get action packed down there. All right. Love you.

• 51:30Speaker 01

  Love you.

• 51:33Speaker 09

  Do you want to sing a tune or something? We have a theme song.

• 51:35Speaker 08

  Oh, okay, great.

• 51:38Speaker 09

  We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. On the fly, Ryan Dish. On the fly, Ryan Dish. Enjoy.

• 51:59Dax Shepard?

  We are supported by Allstate. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking if the movie is sold out before you show up, you drove across town, found parking, got in line, and now the person behind the counter is giving you that look. Sold out. Guess you're watching whatever starts in 10 minutes. Yeah, checking first is an excellent idea. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.