Derrick Stroup & Gary Vider

Derrick Stroup and Gary Vider join Mark and Sam, covering Netflix specials, bombing after a hot hour, DUI horror stories, and why airport restaurants are all a scam. They get into comedy road life, border patrol close calls, and the struggle of building new material after a special drops. Plus, peeves on guacamole with no chips, fake “Best By” dates, and the insanity of uncrustables. Gary Vider: https://punchup.live/garyvider/tickets Derrick Stroup: https://www.derrickstroup.com/ Sponsored by: Lucy Nicotine #sponsored Get a discount on your order: https://www.lucy.co — use promo code DRUNK Tempo Meals #sponsored 60% off your first box: https://www.tempomeals.com/drunk Harry’s #sponsored Get the Harry’s Plus trial set for $10: https://www.harrys.com/WMBD Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets ⸻ Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #DerrickStroup #GaryVider #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey00:00 Intro & Derek’s Special 02:00 Birmingham Stories & Paperclip Nazis 05:00 Derek’s Comedy Origins 08:00 Drunk Driving Tales 13:00 Border Trouble & Drug Stories 16:30 Building New Material 20:00 The Struggles of Working Out Jokes 26:00 Pet Peeves Segment 33:00 Airport Chains & Restaurant Rants 41:00 Parenthood & Clean Comedy 48:00 NBA Talk & Being a Nuggets Fan 56:00 Writing New Bits & Comedy Homework 01:03:00 Childhood Snacks & Food Nostalgia 01:10:00 Southern Upbringing & Local Comedy Scenes 01:14:00 Plugs & Closing Banter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, hey everybody, we're here. We're here. We're back. We got Gary Vayner and Derek Stroup.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  What's going on?

• 0:12Sam Morril?

  Derek's got a new special on Netflix right now called Nostalgic.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  Thank you, thank you.

• 0:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, give it a watch. That's awesome, man.

• 0:19Speaker 01

  Thank you, man. It's been a lot of fun. First one I've put out. We hung on for the first week and then your boy Mark over here bumped me out.

• 0:28Mark Normand?

  Well, WWE fucked all of us in the ass.

• 0:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah. You got knocked out by Bridgerton, let's be honest.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, let's be honest. My wife told me that was coming. She goes, "Bridgerton's coming for your ass."

• 0:37Mark Normand?

  My wife was watching it coming.

• 0:42Mark Normand?

  But yeah, it looked great. Would you shoot it here?

• 0:44Speaker 01

  Birmingham, Alabama, the Lyric Theater.

• 0:47Mark Normand?

  That was way off.

• 0:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, you were way off.

• 0:49Speaker 03

  I think we did that. Yeah, we did that one.

• 0:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 0:51Speaker 03

  Birmingham's good.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, Birmingham's a great comedy city. And you say that about cities that you don't stay in for a long time. And that's very much a Birmingham situation.

• 1:02Speaker 03

  That was a bus city.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04Speaker 03

  No, Birmingham was fun, but are you from?

• 1:07Speaker 01

  I'm from right outside of Huntsville, Alabama.

• 1:09Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10Sam Morril?

  Oh, the Von Braun.

• 1:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13Sam Morril?

  The Jews always latch on to the Nazi museum.

• 1:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17Speaker 03

  Operation Paperclip.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19Mark Normand?

  But they used him. He was a smart Nazi. They used him for good.

• 1:22Sam Morril?

  For sure.

• 1:23Mark Normand?

  That's why you need to do that more.

• 1:24Sam Morril?

  But you can always tell a museum is interesting when they have a Papa shot there. They have a basketball and you're like, "This doesn't have anything to do with a museum."

• 1:34Speaker 01

  This'll loosen them up.

• 1:34Mark Normand?

  That's the Atlanta part.

• 1:36Speaker 01

  We'll round the edges with a Papa shot.

• 1:38Mark Normand?

  We should use bad guys for good, like Frank Abagnale, the guy from Catch Me If You Can. The FBI took him and said, "Help us."

• 1:45Sam Morril?

  That's what they think.

• 1:46Mark Normand?

  Maybe, but...

• 1:47Speaker 01

  He's playing them, dude.

• 1:48Mark Normand?

  Well, get Derek Chauvin, put him in UFC. I'm just saying.

• 1:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, maybe antisemitism, you could ask him first, "But are you smart?" And then you bring him over.

• 1:55Mark Normand?

  Ah, there you go.

• 1:57Speaker 03

  What'd you get on the SATs?

• 1:58Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 2:00Sam Morril?

  Turns out they're all really smart.

• 2:03Speaker 03

  They nailed it.

• 2:04Sam Morril?

  This is bad. We have a whole department now.

• 2:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we should get suicide bombers on our side. You know, throw them back at Iran.

• 2:13Sam Morril?

  Have them on Air Canada. That'll shorten the trip.

• 2:17Mark Normand?

  That airline sucks.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  I don't think it was their fault.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, it wasn't their fault.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  It was an air traffic control thing.

• 2:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, I'm just saying in general.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  Oh, it does suck.

• 2:25Mark Normand?

  It's not great.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  It's not great.

• 2:27Mark Normand?

  It's up there with WestJet.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  WestJet.

• 2:29Mark Normand?

  Blow me. Oh, yeah, they hit the fire truck.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, the guy confessed. He said it was his fault.

• 2:36Sam Morril?

  That's how you know the airlines are bad, right? There's a plane crash yesterday and Mark's like, "Oh, yeah."

• 2:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Pretty casual.

• 2:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, it hit a fire truck. And the guy did, I mean, he like immediately, he goes, "That's my fault." Like, no, no, Rick, you're good, buddy. We've all done this.

• 2:52Mark Normand?

  You're right.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  Forty in the hospital. It's insane.

• 2:55Mark Normand?

  Death? Any deaths?

• 2:56Speaker 03

  Two deaths, two pilots. And there was a stewardess.

• 3:01Mark Normand?

  Two is not horrible.

• 3:02Speaker 03

  No, two is not. It was just, yeah, just the two pilots.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  I mean, it's just all the pilots.

• 3:08Mark Normand?

  Hundred percent of the pilots died. All right, well, R.I.P., sorry.

• 3:13Speaker 03

  As I say, the fire truck was on its way, I think, to another plane.

• 3:16Mark Normand?

  No.

• 3:17Speaker 03

  Then that's when it collided with this, so they're probably like, "I guess we gotta put out this one."

• 3:21Mark Normand?

  The irony. It's like a pre-stopping a kid rape or something.

• 3:24Speaker 03

  Right, right.

• 3:26Speaker 01

  That's a perfect example.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  It wasn't making sense.

• 3:31Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 3:32Speaker 01

  Wow!

• 3:32Mark Normand?

  That's what I'm here for. I explain things.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  But there was a flight attendant that was in a jump seat in the cockpit, and then she got tossed out of it and still survived.

• 3:41Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 3:42Speaker 04

  In the seat. She got thrown in the seat 300 feet down.

• 3:45Sam Morril?

  And she managed to still yell at someone, "Make sure your plane's on airplane mode."

• 3:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:48Sam Morril?

  On your phone. God damn it.

• 3:50Mark Normand?

  It's been a long time.

• 3:51Sam Morril?

  You got the fucking point.

• 3:52Mark Normand?

  Yes. So, yeah, what have you been doing, comedy? Eight minutes?

• 3:56Speaker 01

  Eight minutes. I've been doing it probably, I've got a weird history with comedy. Ten, about ten or 11 years of like actual like open mics in a scene.

• 4:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  Before that, it was like three years of me just running a bar, getting blackout and doing 45 minutes just for fun.

• 4:12Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  I would do it like.

• 4:13Mark Normand?

  In Alabama.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  In Alabama, yeah. There was a bar that I ran in Jacksonville, Alabama, and there was like, it was crazy. All these country singers that are big now kind of were coming through Riley Green, Sam Hunt, Drake White. And I was like, if I hear wagon wheel one more time, I'm gonna kill myself. So I just, as running the bar, I just made pitchers a dollar. And I got up and just rambled for an hour. Never met another comedian, never been to a mic.

• 4:34Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 4:34Speaker 01

  I wasn't doing it like chasing a dream.

• 4:36Sam Morril?

  Quince. Getting dressed for the fall should be easy. A good sweater, pants that fit, a jacket that keeps you warm. Somehow, buying those three things can cost you more than your vacation. Quince makes high-quality staples using premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere. That's a good cashmere, I guess.

• 4:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:54Sam Morril?

  Organic cotton, merino wool. You know I love merino wool.

• 4:57Mark Normand?

  That's the best wool.

• 4:58Sam Morril?

  That's that wool keeps your feet nice and warm in the winter.

• 5:01Mark Normand?

  Very nice.

• 5:02Sam Morril?

  Love merino wool. Their cashmere sweaters start at 60 bucks. That's wild. They also have premium down jackets, classic wool outerwear for when the temperature drops. Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality instead of the brand markup. That's right, no kid labor, I would, I think. Sounds like no kid labor.

• 5:25Mark Normand?

  No.

• 5:25Sam Morril?

  Is it ethical, right? Uh, no animal testing, probably ethical.

• 5:29Mark Normand?

  Very good.

• 5:29Sam Morril?

  I, I wear their shit all the time.

• 5:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love Quince.

• 5:32Sam Morril?

  I love it, dude. I, it's quality, it fits right, and it's not expensive. I, I love it. And I like what, like, when it's not the logo everywhere on it.

• 5:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true, true.

• 5:40Sam Morril?

  It's, it's got, it's got everything going for it. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK as well. And when Quince asks, where you heard about them, let them know it was We Might Be Drunk. It's the best way to support the show. Quince.

• 6:00Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 6:01Speaker 01

  And I was like, maybe this will be, uh, you know.

• 6:04Sam Morril?

  This sounds like the worst bar ever.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was the best.

• 6:06Sam Morril?

  The bartender's ranting again. What the hell?

• 6:08Speaker 01

  It is the best. Well, in the middle of Alabama, nobody has seen anything like this. Cause nobody talks publicly without a song. Like, nobody's on stage, you know, with a microphone giving thoughts or takes. So I was up there just, you know, ripping on our, our buddy. He's sitting in the front row, you know, talking about the cops that were waiting on us outside of the door.

• 6:26Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  You know, just, just real local stuff, but it was a wild way to get into it.

• 6:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but did you go, "Hey buddy, come watch me"? Like, how did you get a crowd going?

• 6:33Speaker 01

  Um, well, I mean, you know, I was always, uh, holding court, telling stories, being a jokester. And so, a bunch of times, my friends would be like, "Man, you should do comedy, you should do comedy." And it's like, that doesn't exist in our world.

• 6:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 6:44Speaker 01

  Um, so eventually, I, uh, I just watched Robin Williams live on Broadway, and I go, "Okay, I think I got a decent read on this." And, uh, so I just went up there and, and, and I was just doing it for fun, like, for three, three, four years.

• 6:57Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 6:57Speaker 01

  About five, probably five to seven times a year. It was truly like, just a, a fun little, little hobby. And then, I got a couple DUIs and I made it my job.

• 7:06Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 7:07Sam Morril?

  Let that be a lesson to you kids. Don't get started till at least you drink and drive twice.

• 7:11Speaker 01

  That's exactly right.

• 7:12Sam Morril?

  Two times.

• 7:13Mark Normand?

  Justin Timberlake, you're about to start comedy.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, he is, he's one away from having an hour, yeah.

• 7:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but I heard.

• 7:20Sam Morril?

  Why would you not just Uber at this point?

• 7:23Mark Normand?

  Well, he runs the world, he can do whatever he wants, so he's like, "I'm not gonna get busted."

• 7:26Sam Morril?

  I guess.

• 7:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, he probably gets out of it. He'd probably gotten out of it before.

• 7:29Speaker 01

  I mean.

• 7:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but this is, it's not worth this.

• 7:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, he told the police officer when he got pulled over that he was on a world tour.

• 7:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:36Speaker 01

  Which is a wild thing.

• 7:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  Like, I understand wanting to tell him you're Justin Timberlake, maybe that works.

• 7:42Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  But, uh, "I'm on a world tour." The cop goes, "What is a world tour?"

• 7:45Speaker 03

  He was shitfaced, but he was probably like there, he's like, sees a cop behind him, he's like, "Gotta see the world tour."

• 7:51Speaker 01

  Plug, there is a body cam, plug it. Plug it. I'm in Edinburgh, just telling you.

• 7:57Mark Normand?

  Got it, got it.

• 7:59Sam Morril?

  No, but he also, at one point, they were like, "What do you do?", and he goes, "I don't know how to explain this, I'm Justin Timberlake." I'm like, "Just say musician."

• 8:06Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 8:06Sam Morril?

  I was thinking the same thing. That's the most normal conversation he's had with a regular person.

• 8:10Mark Normand?

  That's true. And there's one point where he goes, "How long am I gonna be here?", the guy goes, "You're gonna stay, stay the night?", he goes, "The whole night"? And I remember thinking like, "Oh, he's never done anything unpleasant for a while."

• 8:19Speaker 01

  That's how jail works.

• 8:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, one night is another. He should be like, oh, great, one night, alright.

• 8:23Speaker 03

  Also, it's a Hamptons jail, too.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  It was in the Hamptons, huh? Everyone drinks and drives in the Hamptons, I guess.

• 8:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  And that's why he's by himself, too, you know? Usually these guys will be with a crew.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  Can you imagine how bad he was driving to get pulled up? I bet the cop was like, my, I don't even wanna do, he's in the yard again.

• 8:39Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  I mean, cause in the Hamptons, I bet they're not just knocking people down. Too much money in that community.

• 8:44Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  It'd be a headache.

• 8:45Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 8:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Billy Joel, that's, that was his whole doc. It was, he was just drinking. That was the whole song, "You may be right, I may be crazy." But I just might be the lunatic you're looking for. Cause he was, I think he rode a motorcycle home drunk.

• 8:57Mark Normand?

  That's it.

• 8:58Sam Morril?

  And she was like, "You're a lunatic." And he was like, "Alright, the wheels are going." Even when he's in a black, and he's like, "I think I got something."

• 9:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he hit a house. You gotta be drunk to hit a house.

• 9:09Speaker 01

  Oh, man, that is tough.

• 9:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:11Sam Morril?

  So you got pulled, two DUIs?

• 9:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, I got two DUIs.

• 9:13Sam Morril?

  After the first one, how do you get a second one?

• 9:15Mark Normand?

  Six months!

• 9:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I say six months, cause it sounds better than four, but...

• 9:21Speaker 01

  I, I just got on a heater, man, back to back. The first one was like a classic, I got in a vehicle that had a light out, wasn't my car. But they were real cool about it, I got it in Alabama, it was like Mayberry. They like gave me a slice of pie. They were like, "You can't drive drunk, you gonna kill somebody." And like, you know, we're like playing dominoes, hanging out. The second one was outside of Atlanta, and they were pissed.

• 9:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's a real city.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, it was in Cartersville. And, uh, the judge just really, really went after me. He found out that I ran a college bar. And he found out it was my second DUI, so... Uh, even though I got it in a, uh, in a parking lot, parked car.

• 9:56Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 9:56Speaker 01

  Wedding, wedding.

• 9:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, come on!

• 9:58Speaker 01

  I know, it keeps getting worse. I, I had a decent case when the police, but I mean, I blew it from the get-go. You ought to see the camera. She walks up, and I lead with this, I, I wasn't gonna drive, but I lead with, "Oh, I'm not driving, I just got a DUI." I go, "I, I don't even have a license." And she was like, "You, you gotta come out." Because the, the key was in the ignition, and I was truly just heating it up.

• 10:19Mark Normand?

  That's how they get you, the key in the ignition.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  That's it, but I was cooked, um, uh, immediately. And then we were gonna take it to a jury. My, my lawyer, he liked the, the case that we had, there was a lot of loopholes. She would, she admitted... On tape, I go, I'm at my buddy's wedding. And she goes, we know you're at a wedding. We've been out here all night. And so, you know, there were some things, but when it came down to it, when we told them that we would take it to a jury, they put our feet to the fire. You know, the DA was like, well, we want max consequences. So five years prison, you know, all these other things, or you can just take the two DUIs and we'll call it even.

• 10:50Mark Normand?

  Fight.

• 10:52Sam Morril?

  I'll do the time.

• 10:53Speaker 01

  No, no, no, I was outside of the courthouse. My lawyer was like, no, I mean, he was fired up. And I was like.

• 10:59Sam Morril?

  You get the worst possible lawyer. He's like, I can do this.

• 11:01Speaker 01

  Yes, he was. He was young. He was like 25, all I could afford. Yeah, he was like, no, we are, we are prepared for this case. I go, you're not doing the time.

• 11:10Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 11:10Speaker 01

  I go, I just watched Locked Up for three days in a row. The last thing I'm doing, the last thing I'm doing is going to jail. So I just took the DUIs and.

• 11:18Sam Morril?

  You could have been White Alley Siddique.

• 11:20Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 11:20Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 11:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I had a close call.

• 11:24Speaker 03

  So what is it? It's on your record now? Like, I mean, you're not gonna have a C.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  I mean, the crazy thing is, is I'm really an outlaw because I never finished my probation.

• 11:32Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  I just never went back. I, I, I did it like three or four times.

• 11:36Sam Morril?

  It's good to say this publicly.

• 11:39Sam Morril?

  Tell you the truth, I am a fugitive.

• 11:40Speaker 01

  I had to, well, I had to eventually, you know, you gotta pay money to, to fix this thing. But I, I quit going for a little bit and then I had to tie my loose ends and, and, and fix it. But yeah, I was on the run.

• 11:52Mark Normand?

  I thought you moved here to get better at comedy. It's just because you don't need a car.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  I went to Denver first for 10 years without a car.

• 11:59Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, because I haven't drove in 15 years.

• 12:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:02Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 12:03Sam Morril?

  If I see you drunk on a city bike, we're gonna have a talk.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  That could screw you going to Canada. You know, we, people get stopped at the border all the time.

• 12:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, can you do Canada?

• 12:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I've been to Canada, I mean, countless times. I mean, there's one.

• 12:14Sam Morril?

  He's like, I got two Canadian DUIs.

• 12:16Speaker 01

  Well, there was one time they took me back to the office. They have like a long conversation, hour long. And they eventually come out and, and they, you know, let me go. And in a comedian's head, I go, I bet they watched some of my material. And they go, you know what? I like it. Let him through. Let him through. Because it was an hour of me sitting in that office. So that's the close call that I've had.

• 12:38Sam Morril?

  And what did they say when they came out?

• 12:39Speaker 01

  No. Nothing. There was no like real conversation about anything. I mean, now when I'm doing like big gigs, like when I'm doing like that, uh, the, the, the festival that they have every summer, you know, you've got a piece of paper that kind of, there's no questions asked. I'm kind of

• 12:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, the outdoor thing. What is it? The great outdoors.

• 12:56Speaker 01

  Great outdoors. When you're doing comedy clubs, it becomes a little bit, you know, I don't really have the paperwork that just shoes me in.

• 13:03Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  It's a little bit more of a conversation.

• 13:06Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:07Mark Normand?

  Let's see, everybody gives us shit for the border. Every, every border, Canada's border is wild.

• 13:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:12Mark Normand?

  They found a marijuana seed in my friend's car and he couldn't get in.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's

• 13:16Mark Normand?

  A seed!

• 13:17Speaker 01

  A seed is

• 13:18Sam Morril?

  It tells you your friend's a liar.

• 13:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, he is a pot dealer. He's a drug addict, but, uh.

• 13:23Sam Morril?

  It was just one seed. They're like, dude, it was, it was four pounds of marijuana.

• 13:28Sam Morril?

  And a seed, yeah.

• 13:29Mark Normand?

  He's a bad seed. Look at that. Hey, see?

• 13:31Speaker 03

  I love that.

• 13:32Mark Normand?

  He's a pro. He likes it.

• 13:34Speaker 03

  That's a good Photoshop, Peters.

• 13:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. We had to scrap the Paul Walker one.

• 13:41Sam Morril?

  Turns out it wasn't moving product.

• 13:43Mark Normand?

  Well, Gary used to sell coke if we're really getting into vices.

• 13:45Speaker 03

  And I actually brought coke over the border before.

• 13:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 13:48Speaker 03

  I was an idiot. It was, uh.

• 13:50Mark Normand?

  Venezuelan drug boat?

• 13:52Speaker 03

  No, sophomore in college, my buddy and I were going over, cause they have the casino over there. You could gamble at nineteen.

• 13:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:58Speaker 03

  You get Niagara Falls Casino. So, a few of our friends were there. They called us up. They're like, hey, we, we didn't bring any coke. Do you want to come here? We have the whole, this big hotel room. You could come here. I'm like, sure, I'll bring the coke. And then I didn't think twice of it. And then we go through the border and then, um, as soon as you get to the border, that's when you start sweating bullets.

• 14:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, of course.

• 14:15Speaker 03

  There, you're like, oh shit. Like, if we get stopped or they start like, you know, patting us down.

• 14:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:20Speaker 03

  They're gonna get the, you know, find the coke, but, uh, they just let us, uh, right through.

• 14:24Sam Morril?

  Where, where was the coke?

• 14:26Speaker 03

  In my pocket.

• 14:27Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 14:27Sam Morril?

  What?

• 14:28Mark Normand?

  That is insane. That's crazy.

• 14:30Speaker 03

  It wasn't like, uh, you know, it wasn't like a huge amount. It was like maybe five bags of like five grams.

• 14:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:35Speaker 03

  So that was it.

• 14:36Mark Normand?

  Well, you're unassuming. No one would expect you to be smuggling drugs.

• 14:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. That's what I went with a lot. I was just like, nobody would expect this. Could have fucked me, though.

• 14:44Mark Normand?

  Well, I gotta funny about a Canadian border story. I did Buffalo helium, and the next day I had a gig in Canada, and it's like, I don't know, an hour drive. So the opener was like, "I'll drive you, but do you have any drugs in your bag, just so we don't get stopped?" And I was like, "Oh, let me check." I opened the bag, it's full of drugs I'd accumulated over the years. It's shrooms, and pills, and weed, and all this shit, gummies. So, I go, "Ah, I don't wanna get rid of all this, this is a lot of money worth it, this is good stuff." So he goes, "Why don't you plant it somewhere, we'll hide it."

• 15:14Sam Morril?

  What is this, Fargo?

• 15:16Mark Normand?

  He's like, "Well, hide it in the, right at the border of New York, somewhere, well, nobody will see it. And then, when you're done with the gig, we'll drive back and get it." And I was like, "Hey, that's pretty good." So we hide it next to this guy's house, and we put like some leaves over it and shit, and you know, a branch. And we go do the gig, and I came back the next day with a different opener, to go fly out of Buffalo. The guy went and stole it, my other opener. He took all the drugs, he went back and stole me.

• 15:45Sam Morril?

  Should've had Andy Dick open for you that time.

• 15:48Mark Normand?

  He blew me, though. Yeah, yeah, the guy stole all my drugs, so you know who you are if you hear this.

• 15:53Sam Morril?

  Oh, remember when we were going through customs, I think we were coming back through Vancouver to Seattle? And the guy was a fan, and my tour manager, Brian, didn't know that. So the guy was like, "Oh shit, Sam, what's up, how was it?" And I go, just as Brian, the tour manager who always worries, walks in. I go, "Oh, we're just like human trafficking some chicks back there." And it got like, I got a good laugh from the, you know, from the border people, but Brian was like, "What the fuck is happening?" But it was nothing, they were, they liked it.

• 16:19Mark Normand?

  I thought you were going to jail for it.

• 16:21Speaker 03

  Well, I have, so I know what happens, just because my friend was an idiot. This is the same friend that I drove the drugs with, we went through to the border another time, because I went to school at University of Buffalo. So we would go through the border, then like go up to Toronto, like every so often. But we're going through one time, and he didn't hear the guy say, "Pull over," and, because they wanna inspect our car, and he just kept driving. And what happens when you do that, and you go through the border, a siren goes off, and we had four guys pointing rifles at the car. And then they inspected the car for like the next two hours.

• 16:49Sam Morril?

  And you had coke there?

• 16:51Speaker 03

  No, I didn't have any coke, thank God, yeah. No coke, we were just going up to Toronto. But that was, and that was the same friend who was driving, and that was maybe a few months after the time they brought up coke. But so that's what goes on when, after you.

• 17:02Sam Morril?

  He's like, "I didn't hear the cops," he starts firing back in the car.

• 17:06Speaker 03

  I mean, I mean, we got lucky. Yeah, it was, uh, it was us and actually there was like two other guys in the car too.

• 17:10Mark Normand?

  Jesus.

• 17:11Speaker 03

  But yeah, that was it.

• 17:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, wow.

• 17:13Sam Morril?

  Gary's Cartel.

• 17:14Speaker 03

  Gary's Cartel.

• 17:16Speaker 01

  Sounds like a cartel you could like rent. Gary's Cartel. We got hit, man, they're hourly.

• 17:23Speaker 03

  Very unassuming.

• 17:25Mark Normand?

  So wait, you put an hour out a month ago.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:28Mark Normand?

  How, how you doing with new stuff?

• 17:29Speaker 01

  Oh, man, it's the, it's a nightmare.

• 17:31Mark Normand?

  It's a nightmare, right?

• 17:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's.

• 17:32Sam Morril?

  He bought back the bar just to rent.

• 17:35Speaker 01

  It, it truly is, uh, it's, it's tough. I mean, it's fun sometimes. When you start to figure it out, I enjoy the sting, the process, but sometimes when you're up on stage, you feel like an unarmed man.

• 17:46Mark Normand?

  Totally.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  And also you ride those, those few, those last few months where you've got this hot hour you're running. Every night, you're just like, I'm about to put my whole foot in their ass.

• 17:55Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  And you have no doubt in any of your jokes and it's as tight as it could be. And then now you're from the top and you're up there and you're like, and then some, it's just hard for me sometimes in the middle of the show to not be like, yeah, this is all pretty new.

• 18:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  It's pretty new.

• 18:07Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 18:07Speaker 01

  You know, cause sometimes, you know, you can feel the crowd and it's like.

• 18:10Speaker 03

  But they call you out.

• 18:11Sam Morril?

  It's ego too though, but I think some of, sometimes like I see you do a couple of old ones and it's like, you do that to give the new one a running start.

• 18:17Mark Normand?

  It's cushion.

• 18:18Sam Morril?

  You need to. And it's like, I think sometimes we get in our head like, this, the special's done, I'm never telling that joke ever again.

• 18:24Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 18:24Sam Morril?

  It's, it's insane.

• 18:25Speaker 01

  You're right.

• 18:26Sam Morril?

  You gotta, you gotta give the new one a fighting, a fighting chance.

• 18:29Mark Normand?

  Give momentum, a little runway. Yeah.

• 18:32Sam Morril?

  But we do that. It's ego. It's like, I'm done. But you're giving them a better show and you're giving the jokes a better chance.

• 18:37Speaker 01

  Here, here's something I've been doing at the beginning of the show. I don't know if this is something that y'all would do, but I'll ask the crowd. Right now, I'll go, how many of y'all have seen this special?

• 18:43Mark Normand?

  I do the same thing.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  Okay. And let me tell you, I love it. And you know, the, the further you get away from it, now mine's been out for a couple of weeks. The first 10 days, a lot of smart people out there were holding off and waiting to watch. And when you feel that in the room, e- either way, I'm probably gonna do the same set, work the same new stuff. But the confidence you get.

• 19:03Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 19:03Speaker 01

  When the room acts like they haven't seen your special.

• 19:05Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 19:06Speaker 01

  You're like, my God, the, even though you're still gonna go out on the ledge and try that, you just don't feel as vulnerable.

• 19:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  Because you, you just don't feel as naked. But I've been asking people. And, uh, yeah, and, you know, room to room, it's a little different.

• 19:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but when they all cheer, I'm like, ah shit.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Phoenix, I was like, oh, way to go. You watch the whole thing. You think I've got a whole new hour?

• 19:25Speaker 03

  They're like, we watched it twice.

• 19:27Mark Normand?

  Right. So just know out there, folks, we're not less funny. Cause they go, geez, he wasn't that good, you know? We're not, it's not that we're less funny, we're just working on something. So give us a chance here.

• 19:36Sam Morril?

  You're a cripple for a couple of months.

• 19:38Speaker 01

  No, you really are. You, you really are.

• 19:40Sam Morril?

  If you want to keep turning it over.

• 19:41Speaker 03

  But they also get to see the organic experience of developing the material till like when it gets to this special.

• 19:45Mark Normand?

  Everybody says that, but in the real, that sounds cool. We get to watch him work out and try new stuff and see where his brain goes. But then it's really going, uh, cushions are weird, you know? They, they like, uh, they're soft, but they're kinda hard.

• 19:57Sam Morril?

  And this ticket was fifty dollars.

• 20:00Sam Morril?

  The organic experience.

• 20:02Mark Normand?

  Exactly, yeah.

• 20:03Speaker 03

  I was trying to help it out.

• 20:04Mark Normand?

  I know, I know. Everybody says that. But that's cool for eight minutes, but at hour, or minute fifty-one, they're like, Jesus.

• 20:10Speaker 03

  You know, uh, I mean, Seinfeld talked about this. I mean, we always reference Chrimidion, but like you get the big pop like right off the bat. But then it's like, all right, time to make me laugh.

• 20:17Mark Normand?

  Exactly. Exactly. Prove it.

• 20:19Speaker 01

  You can feel that. Cause I, I mean, my first, I've got like, uh, right now, the first maybe fifteen minutes are like really new and really fresh. And the drop off, I feel after that.

• 20:29Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 20:30Speaker 01

  And it's just in me too, because my confidence in this stuff, I'm like, this is great. This is new. Not a person in the room has heard that. And then I get to this, you know, fifteen, twenty minute mark and I'm like, golly, it's daunting.

• 20:41Sam Morril?

  Cause we're not actors. If you're like, we're not fit, we, we know that it's not funny yet, so we're delivering like, is this?

• 20:47Speaker 01

  No, you're so right. You're, you're so right. Compared to when you know you've got a, a bit down and tight and we deliver it like, I mean, it's not even there yet.

• 20:56Sam Morril?

  Like I'm gonna gift this to you.

• 20:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, how about this?

• 20:58Mark Normand?

  Right, right. Yes. Seinfeld comes in boleros. When you go out there with like all that ammo, that's when you have an hour, you know? And now we're out there with a fucking slingshot with no rocks.

• 21:07Sam Morril?

  It's always so dramatic with comedians.

• 21:09Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 21:10Sam Morril?

  I have a whole, of all these guns. Just a mic, just a mic.

• 21:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, but, I mean, unlike musicians, though, they, we don't get to play the hits when we come back. We don't get to go out there. You know, I, I'm sure y'all have had the conversation.

• 21:23Sam Morril?

  People don't get mad if you do one.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, and you can't do other people's hits either, though, which is, you know, in music, every once in a while, you can be like, ah, they're getting kinda weird. How about a little Fleetwood Mac to get back on our feet again?

• 21:35Mark Normand?

  Woo, I love that song!

• 21:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. I can't go, well, here's a-

• 21:38Speaker 03

  Or have them sing along with it.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:40Speaker 03

  When you forget, when you forget it all a bit. Exactly. How about you guys?

• 21:44Mark Normand?

  Let's all do Hot Pockets together.

• 21:46Speaker 01

  I can't lose the crowd at the Cellar and go, okay, I'm gonna follow it up with a George Carlin bit, and then I'll go back to my stuff.

• 21:52Sam Morril?

  I do a little Carlos Mencia, cause, you know, he did it from someone else, you know, it's fine.

• 21:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, whose bit is it really, anyway?

• 21:57Sam Morril?

  Who knows?

• 21:58Speaker 03

  But also, it's like, all of us have jokes, so it's like, when we stop, like, when you have to stop to think about something new, it completely kills your momentum also.

• 22:05Speaker 01

  That's true.

• 22:06Speaker 03

  So it's like, that whole new bit. Like, you, you don't take a breath sometimes.

• 22:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:08Speaker 03

  You keep on going, so it's like- So when you're trying to think of like, alright, how does this one go, this new one, it's gotta, you know, it's, I mean, it's tough for everybody, but it's hard.

• 22:16Speaker 01

  It is.

• 22:16Mark Normand?

  And I, I get jealous of guys like you, cause you're, you're an Alabama guy. Like, I'm from Louisiana, but I don't really sound different, and you sound different, so you kinda have a, a, a thing.

• 22:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I mean, the further I go along, the more I learn how to use that accent. In the beginning, when I was in Colorado, it wasn't cool. I didn't get on stage. When you're not funny and you sound like this-

• 22:37Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 22:38Speaker 01

  It just sounds, I mean, people don't love it, but, when you get, yeah, yeah, when you get a little edge, and you find some punchlines and some jokes, people are like, man, that pairs well with some good comedy. Uh, but it took a while for me to get to the point to where, and I talk about on stage, New York City is the toughest city in the country for this accent.

• 22:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:57Speaker 01

  And I love it, because it creates leverage on stage, because there's always tension for me. Right? There's always something for me to, I can be a little smarter, a little faster. That's my favorite thing about doing comedy in this city, is people are so assuming.

• 23:09Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  Um, and, and I can, I can kinda put them on their head, and, and that's my favorite. Sometimes in the South, I feel like, they don't even know that it's a joke. They're like, where's the punchline? And I'm like, well, in other places, that's really funny, uh, that we do that, you know?

• 23:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's a good point. Um, shit, do we got, we got any peeves?

• 23:28Sam Morril?

  I got some peeves.

• 23:29Speaker 04

  I got a peeve.

• 23:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, you got a peeve?

• 23:31Speaker 04

  That's not a peeve, that's something I want to talk about. Um, so...

• 23:34Mark Normand?

  He's pointing at me, which is a good start.

• 23:36Speaker 03

  I got a peeve, a guy doesn't have a peeve.

• 23:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, hey, guy with the balloon bomber jacket.

• 23:41Speaker 04

  So, I don't know if this popped up on your radar at all, but we had a guest a couple of weeks back who did a whole episode, uh, and then asked for it to be pulled because they're sort of a clean-ish type of comic.

• 23:51Mark Normand?

  I got a million texts about this.

• 23:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah, everyone wants to know who it is, and they'll never guess it.

• 23:55Mark Normand?

  They'll never guess.

• 23:55Speaker 03

  The internet thought it was you.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  No, no, no, they were, they were positive it was me. And, and I don't know how much y'all pay attention to the threads.

• 24:02Speaker 03

  By the way, thanks for doing this episode again.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  I was gonna say that as a joke at first, and then I go, no, I realize that there's people so dumb on the internet that if I joked about it, they would turn this episode off and go, I knew it was Derek, before I could ever, but no, no, I was in the thread swinging on people.

• 24:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, good.

• 24:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't, I don't, I'm not like, people assume wrong with me, they think because I'm a clean southern comedian that I'm like this like, super buttoned up guy, like, I'll whoop your ass, like, I'm a little bit of a, I got a little bit of a

• 24:31Speaker 03

  I'll kill you in my car.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:35Speaker 01

  Well, I'll find you and whoop your ass, but no, I, I, everybody thought it was me. The, the whole internet, um, and I tried to defend myself, but it just kept snowballing, uh, which, you know, it led to me being on here, which worked out.

• 24:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:48Speaker 01

  My first rumor, I felt like it was traction. Yeah, yeah.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  That's at the record.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  They were like, who is this guy? And they were like, dude, he yells, and they think it's him.

• 24:55Mark Normand?

  Hey, press is press, baby, it was you and Dusty Slay, everybody thought.

• 24:59Sam Morril?

  Oh, shit, both innocent.

• 25:01Mark Normand?

  And I love the internet, they go, it's Dusty, I know it. You're like, alright, you don't know shit, get out of here.

• 25:06Sam Morril?

  I don't think they're gonna get it, because it's not a traditional stand-up.

• 25:09Mark Normand?

  Not in a million years, but I've been telling everybody.

• 25:11Sam Morril?

  But someone's...

• 25:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. I was about to say, I know who it is now, and I, it's crazy because it's not on anybody's radar.

• 25:17Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 25:18Sam Morril?

  Dude, Judd Apatow texts me, I need to know, it's safe with me, I was like, this is really making the rounds.

• 25:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Rogan has to be on the pod, and I was like, you gotta cut that. Seriously.

• 25:28Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 25:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:29Sam Morril?

  Rogan heard about it?

• 25:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's out there, baby, and every, the internet loves a mystery, they want to crack it, you know, like Epstein.

• 25:36Speaker 04

  Can we blur Gary's face for this whole episode?

• 25:40Mark Normand?

  They don't know who he is already.

• 25:47Mark Normand?

  Guy's really hurt.

• 25:51Sam Morril?

  After the pod, "Hey Mark, can I talk to you for a second?"

• 25:54Speaker 03

  Hey, can we cut that?

• 25:56Mark Normand?

  Cut that out.

• 25:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna cut the entire episode.

• 25:59Sam Morril?

  Mark, what was that?

• 25:59Mark Normand?

  Ah, I was drinking at the time.

• 26:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, the peeve, that's where we were going, but then he had to jump in with a non-peeve.

• 26:09Sam Morril?

  The sensitive friend.

• 26:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:11Sam Morril?

  I got a peeve. The friend who asks what you're doing before telling you what the thing is. You're free Thursday and you're like, "What's going on?" Because it's never good when they lead with the date.

• 26:23Mark Normand?

  Hundred percent.

• 26:23Sam Morril?

  If it's good, you're like, "Dude, Knicks tickets Thursday, you in?"

• 26:26Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 26:26Sam Morril?

  You're leading with the trap.

• 26:28Mark Normand?

  So true. Great point. They do that. A lot of people do it. Like, clubs will be like, "Can I? Can you call me? I got something to ask you."

• 26:34Sam Morril?

  Oh, can you call me?

• 26:35Mark Normand?

  "Can you call me?" is bad. That means they have a big question that you don't want to do, but it's easier to get you to say yes over the phone. Because if they just go, "Will you do this?" I go, "No." But if they call you, it's a trap.

• 26:45Sam Morril?

  "Hey, can you call me? What's your bank password?"

• 26:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly, exactly, yeah.

• 26:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, nobody, anybody who has something good would lead with the good information.

• 26:54Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 26:55Speaker 03

  Anything else is gonna put you out.

• 26:56Sam Morril?

  And I should rephrase this. If it's a really close friend, usually this is not an issue, but it's the non-close friends.

• 27:02Mark Normand?

  Yes, absolutely. Absolutely, rando.

• 27:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah. If you text me, "What are you doing Thursday?", I'm assuming it's gonna be good.

• 27:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we'll go to dinner or something.

• 27:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:09Sam Morril?

  If Gary texts me, I'm buying dinner. Same thing. It's fine.

• 27:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, by the way, you're free then.

• 27:16Sam Morril?

  I knew it was coming, of course.

• 27:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, okay, I got one. How about this guy? This is a friend thing, too. The friend, when you do something stupid, this actually happened to me, you do something stupid, you tell the guy what you did, and he goes, "Oh, yeah, you can't do that." And I'm like, "I know, asshole! I'm just getting in trouble for it."

• 27:33Speaker 03

  Making it feel worse about your friend.

• 27:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, like, I'd be like, "Oh, I called my wife fat." And they're like, "Ooh, yeah, you never want to do that." I'm like, "I know! I'm in hot water already. I know to not do that. I'm in trouble about it."

• 27:44Speaker 01

  That's a great peeve, because now, you bring it to this person, clearly that you just want a little security that it's not the end of the world.

• 27:50Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 27:50Speaker 01

  Just tell me you've done it. Tell me that you understand. We've all been there. Not, "Oh, well, yeah, you're in trouble now." It's like, "Well, yeah, no shit, Sherlock. I thought that we were gonna get through this together." I like that peeve.

• 28:02Mark Normand?

  Thank you, thank you.

• 28:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, just agree with me that my wife is fat.

• 28:07Mark Normand?

  That was just an example, honey. You know, you go, oh, I shouldn't have gotten a DUI. I shouldn't have drove drunk. They're like, yeah, you never want to drive drunk. I'm like, I know, I'm in jail. I'm aware that I shouldn't have.

• 28:18Sam Morril?

  You're my one phone call.

• 28:21Mark Normand?

  It's done. The deed is done.

• 28:22Sam Morril?

  Damn it.

• 28:23Mark Normand?

  Stop double shaming me.

• 28:24Sam Morril?

  The double shame.

• 28:25Mark Normand?

  I'm already shamed.

• 28:26Sam Morril?

  The double shame is the name. That's good. I like that.

• 28:29Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 28:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you don't pile on when something's bad.

• 28:31Mark Normand?

  No, no. I got, I got another one. You guys want to, you guys got something?

• 28:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'll go. So I got Mexican the other night. Ordered a torta, ordered a chicken quesadilla for the kids, and then we also had a steak quesadilla. And then we wanted some guacamole and chips. So I ordered, it said, you know, on the menu said guacamole. I ordered that. Comes no chips. Just eight, eight ounces of guacamole.

• 28:56Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 28:56Speaker 03

  So I call up the place. I go, hey, there are no chips here. And they go, yeah, because we have a thing of guacamole on the menu, and we also have a thing of guacamole and chips. I didn't see the chips thing.

• 29:04Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 29:06Speaker 03

  Who wants just guacamole? You can't do anything. Am I wrong with this? You can't just...

• 29:10Sam Morril?

  They should be sending chips even without. I like a Mexican place to send chips with salsa.

• 29:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:15Speaker 01

  Regardless.

• 29:15Sam Morril?

  There should always be chips.

• 29:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I agree.

• 29:18Speaker 03

  But only guac. So my beef, how do you do that? How do you? I'm gonna send fucking ice in there.

• 29:25Mark Normand?

  They should be on their misbehavior, these restaurants.

• 29:27Speaker 03

  I'm fucking, I'm fucking taking them all out.

• 29:29Sam Morril?

  Guy becomes a complete psycho on Facebook. These fucking pieces of shit.

• 29:34Mark Normand?

  We gotta close the border.

• 29:36Speaker 03

  But we're talking a half a pound of fucking guac.

• 29:38Mark Normand?

  Half a pound is crazy.

• 29:40Speaker 03

  Half a pound of guacamole with nothing to dip in, except my quesadilla, which I don't need, I don't have to dip my quesadilla.

• 29:45Mark Normand?

  Did you use your old Coke scales to measure it?

• 29:48Speaker 01

  I've never even heard guac and weight metric.

• 29:50Mark Normand?

  I've never either. That sounds like half a pound.

• 29:52Speaker 01

  I have a quarter pound of guac at my table.

• 29:53Mark Normand?

  Sixteen ounces of guac.

• 29:55Sam Morril?

  Gary's like...

• 29:57Speaker 03

  It's pure.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Geez.

• 29:59Mark Normand?

  He's doing this shit with the guac.

• 30:01Speaker 01

  A kilo of guac on my table.

• 30:02Sam Morril?

  The problem is, yeah, it's like you got nothing to do with it.

• 30:06Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 30:06Sam Morril?

  It's insane.

• 30:07Speaker 03

  So I went back, I was furious.

• 30:09Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 30:10Sam Morril?

  You went there.

• 30:10Speaker 03

  I went back to get the chips and then they then they charged me for the chips.

• 30:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:14Speaker 03

  But it's also, I I I I calmed down a little bit on the drive back. And then I so I didn't say anything. I just bought the chips and I left, but I was pretty furious.

• 30:23Mark Normand?

  That I guess you could put guac, you could scoop it out and put it on a taco.

• 30:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 30:27Mark Normand?

  As like a garnish.

• 30:28Speaker 03

  And have a taco, add a quesadilla and a torta.

• 30:31Sam Morril?

  You can put on a quesadilla.

• 30:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:33Mark Normand?

  But I get your point though.

• 30:36Speaker 03

  What side are you on?

• 30:37Mark Normand?

  I get it.

• 30:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:39Sam Morril?

  Guac.

• 30:40Speaker 03

  You're piling on, this is what we're talking about, the double shave.

• 30:43Sam Morril?

  Guac without chips is tough.

• 30:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's crazy. You gotta put chips in.

• 30:46Speaker 03

  Eight ounces.

• 30:47Mark Normand?

  Eight ounces. It's one thing if it's a side, like a maramicon.

• 30:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:51Speaker 01

  I have my my my peeve, my I got a bunch of peeves, but I'll start off, I'll I'll start off with, I think at airports, most of the 90% of the restaurants should be chains. I hate the I hate the local.

• 31:03Sam Morril?

  Damn, you are Nate's tour, Jesus.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  The sizzling acorn that's over there where you charge me $64 because you act like this is real salmon. This is insane and it's the most overpriced. The food is never good, rarely, not unless you're at an Elways in Denver, which is also a chain because there's a couple, but but when you're inside of an airport, you can do a Sweet Greens, we can do a Pop Belly Chipotle, we can get these type of foods that are decent, but they're on the move. I do not want your unique take on anything inside of an airport because I'm already getting my head busted on the regular chains. Now you act like this is some artisan joint. It's not. I can hear them. They're boarding group three for JetBlue right behind me. This is not a unique situation.

• 31:42Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 31:43Speaker 01

  And I hate pretending like it is. Airport Chili's, some of the best Chili's that you're gonna get.

• 31:47Mark Normand?

  Chili's too.

• 31:48Speaker 01

  Chili's too, because now they're too busy to be bad. That there's nothing that's sitting back there that's not being, there all the seats are full, you're getting fresh food. So anyways, airports should just be a little bit, because those are money grabbers, those little unique places they try to.

• 32:02Mark Normand?

  That's good.

• 32:03Speaker 01

  They try to sell you, but yeah, that's my.

• 32:04Sam Morril?

  Familiarity too is nice.

• 32:05Speaker 01

  This isn't something I've thought about. It's kind of like.

• 32:08Speaker 03

  Worst worst service you'll ever get too in one of those places.

• 32:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:11Speaker 03

  You'll never, never have a night service than there.

• 32:13Speaker 01

  And I look down and and 20% tip on this thing because it's $84. It's just.

• 32:17Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 32:18Sam Morril?

  Here's here's a follow up question. What if it's a bar?

• 32:21Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, totally, totally different.

• 32:22Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 32:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a totally different, that's a totally different ballgame. I love some, there's some great bars out there at different airports that you should belly up to, get some decent bar food. It's these places that really try to, you know, act like that they're a unique, you know, restaurant and they got, you know,

• 32:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:37Speaker 01

  seafood on the menu and it's ninety dollars. That's crazy.

• 32:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's a ballistic reduction.

• 32:41Speaker 01

  To tag on to that, Peeve, just give me, once I've ordered all my food, you know I have, and I say no thanks to dessert, just put the check on my table.

• 32:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  Let me be in charge of when I get out of this joint, because I, I, I hate being held hostage at the end of my meal. I start to like, become like, I, I mean, it looks like there's like ants on, I like, I'm like, just give me the check and, and I'll tip you and I'll pay you, but please don't make me watch you walk around.

• 33:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's universal, man. That's any restaurant, I agree with that.

• 33:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but especially in an airport, because like, you're clearly on the move.

• 33:11Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 33:13Speaker 01

  Just give me the check. Ask me. I love when they have the check and they go, you're good on, we're good. And I go, you know what, Susan, I think I'm perfect. And they lay it down. Now I'm in charge of when I exit.

• 33:22Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  It's a beautiful feeling, you know?

• 33:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I actually like when they have the iPad thing at like,

• 33:26Speaker 01

  Oh, at the table. I love that.

• 33:28Sam Morril?

  I kinda like it.

• 33:29Speaker 01

  I, I do too. I do too.

• 33:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I used to open for some headliners, I'm not gonna say who, but they would order the meal and then just go, bring the check. So you get the check with the meal.

• 33:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:38Mark Normand?

  Which I think restaurants think that's like uncouth or some shit, but I'm like, hey, we, we wanna just leave.

• 33:43Speaker 01

  We just wanna leave, yeah.

• 33:44Mark Normand?

  You're right, this shit, huh, hey.

• 33:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:47Sam Morril?

  I hate that.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  It, it is a nightmare, because they've moved on in their heads. It's not like malicious, but they've, this table is closed and done, they don't need, so they've kinda subconsciously gone to a different section. And now it looks like I'm drowning, you know?

• 34:01Speaker 03

  Also, out of all the restaurants, they work at an airport, so it's like, they, they got their own problems, you know?

• 34:05Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure, okay, wait.

• 34:07Speaker 03

  Sorry about that.

• 34:07Sam Morril?

  I wanna see if I have more peeves.

• 34:08Mark Normand?

  I got an airport one. Now this one's a little outside the box and might ruffle some feathers.

• 34:13Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 34:14Mark Normand?

  I saw it at the airport, where you see it around. You see this in, you know, hotels or whatever. The guy walking around in sweatpants with his hands in his pants, not in his pockets. Okay, I'll do it. Sweatpants is a big one. You see a guy walk around like this?

• 34:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, the old Ted Bundy, right?

• 34:33Mark Normand?

  No, no, no, just like...

• 34:34Sam Morril?

  Oh, in there?

• 34:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:36Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:38Speaker 03

  That's disgusting.

• 34:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's, it's unsanitary.

• 34:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, like, put your hands in your pockets. You got, you got a pocket right here.

• 34:45Sam Morril?

  He was the pilot too, which made it even worse.

• 34:47Mark Normand?

  It was at the airport, because everybody's wearing pajama pants at the airport now. I sound like a boomer, but, uh, yeah.

• 34:53Sam Morril?

  I was gonna say, I mean, I agree with you, but that's definitely showing our age there.

• 34:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:58Sam Morril?

  That's like on our radar, where we go, "I remember when we used our pockets, damn it."

• 35:02Mark Normand?

  Right, yeah.

• 35:03Sam Morril?

  But who the hell wears pants without pockets?

• 35:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I clock everybody. I'm like, "Why is his hand in his pants?" Oh, it's sweatpants, I guess, but it's like a cool guy thing, I've noticed. They'll put their hands in the pants.

• 35:13Sam Morril?

  You see the V going down to his, uh, dick?

• 35:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, get the hand out.

• 35:17Sam Morril?

  I mean, I do, but I don't want to admit it.

• 35:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's rare, but I, I've seen it multiple times. Uh, all right, who else?

• 35:25Sam Morril?

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• 36:07Sam Morril?

  It's a simple, modern approach that fits into your day without slowing you down. Go to lucy.co and use promo code DRUNK to get a discount on your order. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Always follow the instructions.

• 36:26Sam Morril?

  And use responsibly.

• 36:29Sam Morril?

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• 37:14Sam Morril?

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• 37:59Sam Morril?

  ugh. Each blade is honed at multiple angles to cut hair cleanly at the root, and the spacing helps prevent clogging. Dude, I, I can't wait to try this Harry's. Please send me some Harry's. I, if you can see my face in this ad, I, I could use a shave. I look homeless, so, and I don't smell great either, so if we have a soap or deodorant ad coming up next, that'd be great. But, uh, no, this sounds A+. Uh, really need this. So, what really stands out is that it feels like an expensive shave, but it isn't. Harry owns their own blade factory in Germany with over 100 years of experience, so they control the entire process from start to finish. Means no middleman and no inflated prices. You're getting high end quality without paying those ridiculous refill costs. That's how they get you, those refills.

• 38:43Sam Morril?

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• 39:11Sam Morril?

  You ever get deli meat from the, from the store and it says Best Buy?

• 39:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:16Sam Morril?

  I hate, just say expired.

• 39:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:18Sam Morril?

  It's not Best Buy 316.

• 39:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, is it pretty good on 317?

• 39:23Mark Normand?

  I think, I think it is.

• 39:24Sam Morril?

  I don't think it is.

• 39:25Mark Normand?

  I, well with milk, I, I saw a thing about this. Milk is still good, but it's Best Buy this time.

• 39:33Sam Morril?

  So it's different, you're saying?

• 39:34Mark Normand?

  It's different, but it's still drinkable.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  It started to turn just a little bit.

• 39:37Sam Morril?

  That's not what I'm talking about.

• 39:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, jeez.

• 39:39Sam Morril?

  What are you?

• 39:40Speaker 03

  He's half in the podcast.

• 39:41Mark Normand?

  He was going for a gag there.

• 39:46Sam Morril?

  Oh, I thought you were like trying to help, you're just.

• 39:49Mark Normand?

  Uh, yeah, they said it's actually, it's edible.

• 39:52Sam Morril?

  Edible.

• 39:53Speaker 03

  But then when does it expire?

• 39:55Mark Normand?

  There's an expiration date.

• 39:56Sam Morril?

  There wasn't, there wasn't.

• 39:57Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay.

• 39:57Sam Morril?

  There was no expiration, it was just the Best Buy. Okay, so fine.

• 40:00Mark Normand?

  But they're different things.

• 40:01Sam Morril?

  All right, if they are in fact different things, if it comes with an expiration, I'll, I'll, that's okay.

• 40:06Mark Normand?

  That's better anyway, cause just tell me when it's done. Don't, y'all don't give me like a rating of, that's now it's a B, now it's a C.

• 40:13Speaker 04

  How about wet ham, that's pretty gross.

• 40:15Mark Normand?

  Wet ham?

• 40:16Speaker 03

  Well, you can't buy ham like that in a package.

• 40:18Mark Normand?

  Why not?

• 40:19Speaker 03

  That's disgusting.

• 40:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, I buy that all the time.

• 40:22Speaker 01

  How do you buy your ham?

• 40:23Speaker 03

  I don't, I'm Jewish.

• 40:25Sam Morril?

  You eat fucking, you eat.

• 40:26Speaker 03

  Nah, I mean everyone.

• 40:27Sam Morril?

  Not till you're old though, but you, you didn't eat it till you were old, right?

• 40:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, I didn't eat it.

• 40:30Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 40:31Speaker 03

  Tough kosher, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:32Mark Normand?

  He does blow all day.

• 40:35Speaker 01

  Thanks for helping me, Sam. It's like, no, no, you're not gonna do that shit to Derek, you eat ham.

• 40:39Speaker 03

  Now I buy eight ounces of ham and, uh, my life's fine.

• 40:42Mark Normand?

  And I have no.

• 40:43Sam Morril?

  No, you want it from the deli, you want it from the actual fresh deli, I get it.

• 40:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Gary kills the cow. Or no, is it a pig?

• 40:49Speaker 03

  Rabbi, Rabbi, yeah.

• 40:50Mark Normand?

  It's a pig, sorry. I'm an idiot. Um, but I tell you, the best, you didn't even do anything with the Best Buy. I'm telling you, Best Buy date and expiration date are, are different. But I hear ya, I hear ya, just tell me when it's done. Don't tell me when it's getting worse.

• 41:06Speaker 01

  Well, if you do it right, you don't ever have to worry about the dates at all.

• 41:10Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 41:12Speaker 03

  But it's kinda scary when you see the best by date and you're just in your past.

• 41:15Sam Morril?

  Use by is good too. Use by.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, use by.

• 41:20Mark Normand?

  Mmm. Okay.

• 41:22Speaker 01

  I just had some pimento cheese last night that said best by and it was, uh, the day before. And, uh, it still was tasty delicious.

• 41:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:32Sam Morril?

  I swish, I swish cheese like four days after and I was, it smelled good.

• 41:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. The smell test is, is really, just like with milk. Sometimes you can use it three days after x-ray. Sometimes it's a day. And you're, and you're like, yo, hey, hey now.

• 41:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  You know, we got a little, we got a little action in there.

• 41:48Sam Morril?

  Or vagina, you know.

• 41:49Mark Normand?

  Tang, yeah.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  This is expired.

• 41:55Sam Morril?

  It was best by.

• 41:56Mark Normand?

  With pedophiles, it's the opposite.

• 41:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 41:59Mark Normand?

  This is turd. It's seventeen, eighteen, it's over.

• 42:02Speaker 03

  Don't open until.

• 42:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, best by is eleven.

• 42:08Mark Normand?

  It goes the other way. Now, don't you miss doing a joke like that? Cause you're clean.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, I am clean.

• 42:13Mark Normand?

  That would eat me alive. I would have that joke in my head and I go, ah, that's a rape.

• 42:17Sam Morril?

  He's clean unless he's behind a wheel.

• 42:19Speaker 03

  When you had ran in Alabama, would you have, you would say dirty stuff then?

• 42:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

• 42:24Sam Morril?

  When did you make the choice?

• 42:25Speaker 01

  I, I became a clean comedian like probably three, about three years ago, something like that.

• 42:30Mark Normand?

  Whoa, you went into clean.

• 42:32Speaker 03

  Nate Money, Nate Money.

• 42:34Speaker 01

  Nate, I mean, it was some of Nate. I mean, I, uh, my management that I got under three years ago, which, uh, loved the guys, they helped turn me. They were like, you don't, you don't write dark or dirty. You just are kinda vulgar in how you say, you know. Cause I, what I write is always pretty observational, pretty clean. I would just add on my own swear words. So we just, we kinda took them out.

• 42:55Sam Morril?

  You added a fisting chunk to this grocery store material.

• 42:59Speaker 01

  And it just plays better. My energy and how I am on stage is, is plenty. Like I, I really don't need the, the extra words. It feels like I'm cussing. I mean, I'm downhill.

• 43:09Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 43:10Speaker 01

  You know, I'm, I'm, I'm working pretty hard up there. So I don't, you know, I, I don't think. It's something that's super noticeable. I don't like, you know, when you get the clean comedian tag, it kind of puts you in a box.

• 43:19Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 43:20Speaker 01

  That I hate to be in sometimes because other comics look at, you know, you get kicked out of the cool kids' club.

• 43:26Mark Normand?

  No, no, we love Reagan and Gaffigan and Seinfeld and Nate and all that, so.

• 43:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, the most famous ones to ever live, but I, uh, but yeah, and so, um.

• 43:36Sam Morril?

  Ryan Hamilton's great.

• 43:37Mark Normand?

  Hamilton, yeah.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  Ryan, Ryan's great. Uh, but yeah, it was a business decision for sure.

• 43:42Mark Normand?

  Smart move, and it looks bad to just be going, fuck the, fuck the, the fucking, give me an airport chain, you fucking bitch, you know, you don't need that.

• 43:50Speaker 01

  No, and as, I mean, as a southerner, I don't, I mean, I cuss some offstage, but like, I'm not gonna refer to a woman as like a bitch on stage and I don't, it's not like I hate when somebody else, it's just, I'm not gonna, that's just not how I talk.

• 44:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  And so it's a little bit, you know, some of it's natural, but I mean, I'll, I'll cuss offstage some, I'm just not ripping and roaring.

• 44:08Sam Morril?

  I feel like if you say cuss instead of curse, you, you cuss less.

• 44:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, but maybe that, yeah, maybe that's right.

• 44:14Speaker 03

  My three-year-old's cursing now.

• 44:15Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 44:16Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 44:17Speaker 03

  I don't know where you fucking got it from.

• 44:22Speaker 03

  No, no, but he is cursing, yeah, yeah, we don't have to.

• 44:24Mark Normand?

  Weird, were they picking up on the point?

• 44:26Sam Morril?

  No, seriously, it's a problem. He's, uh, he called my wife the C-word. It was very unpleasant.

• 44:31Mark Normand?

  The, the black neighbor's furious.

• 44:36Mark Normand?

  Damn, three-year-old, Karat's young for cursing.

• 44:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, he just picks it up, I don't know.

• 44:40Mark Normand?

  What, TV maybe, movies?

• 44:42Speaker 03

  No.

• 44:42Sam Morril?

  He showed him Pulp Fiction the other night.

• 44:44Speaker 03

  You say it a couple of times and we have an old, like, the older one's, uh, almost six, so, so when, so then he'll be like, oh yeah, say fuck, like, like that, so he knows what it meant.

• 44:51Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, yeah. Bag him on.

• 44:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, then he gets him to do it.

• 44:53Sam Morril?

  There's always that bad kid growing up.

• 44:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:55Sam Morril?

  You pass by even like the swing set, you, you see the kid like, you know, there's like tall bars, there's always kids like, let's go as high as possible.

• 45:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 45:02Sam Morril?

  Later on, it's like drugs, let's get as high as possible. But it's like, eh, I'm working on material. Anyway, no, but there's that kid that's always like, say the, say the bad word.

• 45:10Mark Normand?

  Yep, yep, yeah, get your dad's gun, you know, whatever, it's always that kid.

• 45:15Sam Morril?

  Get revenge on the people who have wronged you, go to school.

• 45:17Mark Normand?

  Right, right, bring coke to Canada.

• 45:21Mark Normand?

  Whatever it is. You got kids?

• 45:22Speaker 01

  I do. I have a six month old.

• 45:24Mark Normand?

  Whoa, I didn't know that.

• 45:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:26Mark Normand?

  Holy moly, I didn't even think of it, man.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, you too, though, right?

• 45:29Mark Normand?

  One year.

• 45:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's exciting.

• 45:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's crazy. Six months. You're on no sleep.

• 45:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm hanging in there. He's got a pretty good sleep schedule.

• 45:37Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 45:38Speaker 01

  But yeah, old Seth Stroup is in the world. It's exciting, man.

• 45:40Mark Normand?

  Hey, the SS.

• 45:43Speaker 01

  I mean, he has a Jewish first name and you still found a way. I mean, that's unbelievable.

• 45:48Mark Normand?

  That's one of my only gifts.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  That's unbelievable.

• 45:51Speaker 01

  But yeah, it's the best, man. I'm sure you know it.

• 45:54Mark Normand?

  It's great. And it gets better. I know everybody says that, but like now he's walking, he's saying a couple of words and he's like, you're doing a dada. I come off the road, I get a dada. There's nothing better.

• 46:04Speaker 01

  That's the best.

• 46:05Mark Normand?

  The best. Dada.

• 46:06Sam Morril?

  I get that from the girls I date, but you know, it's all right.

• 46:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Good times, good times. But six months, boy, that's crazy. That's brand new.

• 46:16Speaker 01

  Yeah. Born, he was born right here in Manhattan, you know, so gonna, I'm gonna ride kind of his coat tail as a Knicks fan. I never got to have it. In Alabama, we're in a free agent state.

• 46:28Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 46:28Speaker 01

  So I never got to claim, but I tell everybody, no matter where Seth lives, I'm gonna let him know. I go, you have a special pass. You can be a Knicks fan.

• 46:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:37Speaker 01

  You were born on the island, my man. It's on your birth certificate. And so like, I'm just gonna kind of ride that with him and just be like, no, I wear the stuff because he's into it.

• 46:45Mark Normand?

  I love it.

• 46:46Sam Morril?

  I like it.

• 46:46Speaker 01

  But yeah, I'm a big NBA fan, a big Nuggets fan, but.

• 46:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, Nuggets, interesting.

• 46:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, I lived in Denver for a long time.

• 46:55Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 46:55Speaker 01

  Jokic, I mean.

• 46:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 46:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:58Sam Morril?

  I saw him in the gym at this hotel. It's like unreal.

• 47:00Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 47:01Sam Morril?

  It was just him and like three dudes and he's stretching. He's 7'1". He's thick. You're like, what the? It's rare that you're.

• 47:07Mark Normand?

  He's in the sauna.

• 47:09Sam Morril?

  I'm like, oh my God, he's so thick. No, he, no, but he just has a presence about him. You're like, holy shit, he's the best.

• 47:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, man.

• 47:17Mark Normand?

  Serbian?

• 47:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:18Mark Normand?

  Wow, Serbian.

• 47:19Sam Morril?

  They got him and Djokovic.

• 47:21Mark Normand?

  That's right.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:22Sam Morril?

  Got the best in two sports.

• 47:23Mark Normand?

  There's a crazy montage of them pushing black guys around on the court and it's like, eh, get your little pride.

• 47:29Speaker 01

  Different algorithm than that.

• 47:32Speaker 01

  I watch a lot of NBA. I haven't seen that one.

• 47:34Mark Normand?

  I'll send it to you.

• 47:36Speaker 01

  Serbian dudes pushing black guys. Could you imagine if I would have said that? The internet would have shit and fell back in.

• 47:44Sam Morril?

  It was one play. It was one play where one of the Morris.

• 47:47Mark Normand?

  There's a couple of videos. I made the video.

• 47:52Mark Normand?

  I did a lot of editing on that.

• 47:53Sam Morril?

  But, uh, no, he's just, he's unreal, dude.

• 47:56Mark Normand?

  He's unreal. Yeah, they're so.

• 47:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 47:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's crazy though because he's just, he's insanely skilled, not athletic. I mean, when he jumps, you couldn't slide paper under his feet.

• 48:05Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 48:05Speaker 01

  I mean, he's, but I mean, he's just, the, the skill and the vision, it's really, and that's what's great about.

• 48:11Mark Normand?

  And the touch, the, the teardrop.

• 48:12Speaker 01

  The touch is insane. Uh, that's what's great about, uh, basketball is there's a few different ways to go about it. And he's like, he's like the biggest goofiest ballerina I've ever seen.

• 48:21Speaker 03

  He's like top 10 in, uh, points and then assists and rebounds. He leads the league.

• 48:25Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 48:26Speaker 01

  Yeah. He's always, he's always up there, but it was, it's fun to watch him, uh, be emotional this season. He's usually a pretty, you know, just a nod on the log, but this year he's losing his mind a little bit, which is good.

• 48:37Mark Normand?

  Angry or sad or?

• 48:38Speaker 01

  Mad.

• 48:38Sam Morril?

  They've had a lot of injuries, so, yeah, I think a lot's on him and yeah, he's, you know.

• 48:43Mark Normand?

  Really Serbian guys are known for being, uh, pretty cool tempered.

• 48:48Sam Morril?

  A lot of great hoopers though out of that part of the world.

• 48:50Speaker 01

  Truly.

• 48:51Sam Morril?

  It's like wild.

• 48:52Speaker 03

  Well, what, what was Ser- what, there's a thing where like, uh, Luca and him would be on the same team if like, was it Yugoslavia?

• 48:58Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 48:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, because they had, they had the war.

• 49:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, if they didn't split.

• 49:02Sam Morril?

  Great rec for you, the 30 for 31 brothers about the, uh, the Yugoslavian civil wars, Croatia and Serbia. It's, it's cra- no, cause he's, I think he's Slovenian.

• 49:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, you're right. There's something, but there's some, uh, connection with like.

• 49:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 49:17Speaker 03

  Cause when the, when the dream team played Croatia, I think they played Croatia in like 92 or something.

• 49:23Mark Normand?

  Me and Sam on a touchback.

• 49:26Speaker 03

  That's like, ah, that's perfect.

• 49:30Mark Normand?

  We're like, uh, one more bar.

• 49:33Mark Normand?

  Five guys.

• 49:36Speaker 03

  There was something when I think Croatia played the 92 Dream Team and then this was like if they would have uh, combined whatever countries together, that's what it would have been.

• 49:45Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 49:46Speaker 03

  It would have been very competitive.

• 49:47Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 49:48Speaker 03

  As opposed to what it, what the outcome was.

• 49:50Mark Normand?

  Have you seen this meme going around of the, the seven foot eight guy? Yeah. Six eight guy, yeah, that shit's crazy.

• 49:55Speaker 01

  Were you just looking like, what the fuck?

• 49:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's like, holy shit. It's like a movie.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's like tall enough to where like, I'm sure that's not great.

• 50:03Mark Normand?

  No, yeah.

• 50:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's not great.

• 50:05Mark Normand?

  Nightmare.

• 50:05Speaker 01

  Nightmare.

• 50:06Mark Normand?

  Every flight, every bus ride, every restaurant.

• 50:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, like first class on a plane for him sucks.

• 50:11Mark Normand?

  Still sucks. Yeah, look at that guy.

• 50:14Speaker 03

  He doesn't play that much either.

• 50:15Mark Normand?

  I mean, his knees are probably ruined already. Look at that, that's amazing.

• 50:20Speaker 01

  He's six eight. That's insane.

• 50:23Mark Normand?

  He's like talking to him. The guy's like, yeah, what? Shut up. I don't care.

• 50:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean.

• 50:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that cannot feel good on your body.

• 50:29Mark Normand?

  No, no, no, no. And you just can't help but wonder about the hog.

• 50:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean.

• 50:34Mark Normand?

  Where do you go from that?

• 50:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but even if it's small, it's huge by normal standards.

• 50:37Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course. It's like a dinosaur dick.

• 50:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:40Speaker 04

  How is he an outside defender? How come he's not right under the basket? What the fuck is going on here?

• 50:43Mark Normand?

  He's still a hockey at the end of the day.

• 50:44Speaker 04

  Why is he out here?

• 50:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah, cause it's, I don't know.

• 50:46Speaker 03

  So Wemby's what?

• 50:47Mark Normand?

  I mean, he's not that far away.

• 50:49Speaker 03

  Seven four? Wemby's seven four.

• 50:50Speaker 01

  And he's athletic though. Wemby's got like, he's got like the KD type of game.

• 50:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, like this guy, you know.

• 50:57Mark Normand?

  Do women even like, cause this is like, you know, when you, we all like big tits, but this is like size Z, you know, on a tit.

• 51:03Sam Morril?

  That's a good point, yeah.

• 51:03Mark Normand?

  Like, how, how tall is too tall? Like you're, I think, ideal for a lady.

• 51:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 51:07Mark Normand?

  And uh, Vider's the exact opposite.

• 51:11Speaker 03

  Let's cut that one too. Blur my face on that one and uh.

• 51:16Sam Morril?

  Gary, just as a PR team with him, like Gary, you're gonna.

• 51:18Mark Normand?

  Blur my face with that.

• 51:20Sam Morril?

  A horrible financial decision to be paying these people, Gary.

• 51:22Mark Normand?

  Publicist calls me, uh, you gotta stop making fun of Gary.

• 51:27Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh.

• 51:28Mark Normand?

  All right, let's.

• 51:28Sam Morril?

  You were on a tear today.

• 51:29Mark Normand?

  We had a diner earlier. I had meatloaf.

• 51:32Sam Morril?

  Meatloaf for breakfast?

• 51:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I got a problem.

• 51:34Sam Morril?

  You're a savage.

• 51:35Speaker 01

  Meatloaf for breakfast is wild.

• 51:36Mark Normand?

  That sounds like a memoir.

• 51:40Sam Morril?

  Of a man who did not live long.

• 51:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:43Sam Morril?

  Damn, dude.

• 51:43Mark Normand?

  I like hearty food.

• 51:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah, how do you go for breakfast, though?

• 51:46Mark Normand?

  Well, I mean technically it was 11:30, so it was late.

• 51:50Speaker 01

  Nothing like meatloaf for brunch, you're right.

• 51:53Mark Normand?

  That was Derek Stroup's early days.

• 51:57Sam Morril?

  Meatloaf.

• 51:58Speaker 01

  Derek Stroup's early days. Looks like Sam Kinison joined a band.

• 52:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, I think Megan Marcus King and Kinison fucked.

• 52:05Sam Morril?

  He died, he died pretty young, too.

• 52:06Mark Normand?

  Kinison?

• 52:07Sam Morril?

  No, uh.

• 52:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, Meatloaf.

• 52:08Sam Morril?

  Meatloaf.

• 52:09Mark Normand?

  Wait, he was in a Fight Club?

• 52:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he was. Bitch Tits Bob?

• 52:13Mark Normand?

  Uh, yeah, yeah. Wow, look at that.

• 52:17Speaker 01

  I mean, 74. I mean, I really, I'm on my knees praying for that.

• 52:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's good for a guy named Meatloaf.

• 52:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Jesus.

• 52:25Mark Normand?

  Yikes.

• 52:25Speaker 01

  And look at him. I mean, he's young and fat.

• 52:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  He didn't run into it with age.

• 52:30Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 52:31Sam Morril?

  74, okay, yeah, so I was wrong. But that's still pretty young.

• 52:35Mark Normand?

  Now, are you doing the thing where you're back on the road, just trying to build?

• 52:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, and next time, in hindsight, Mark, I'm gonna take off some time after the special.

• 52:43Mark Normand?

  Same here.

• 52:44Speaker 01

  I mean, it's so wild. Same week the special dropped, I was in, doing clubs that weekend, and it made for like, kind of a celebration feeling and that, but it was also like, what am I doing here?

• 52:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 52:53Speaker 01

  Like, I should be just enjoying this and pushing it with press.

• 52:56Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  And yada, yada, now I'm out here.

• 52:58Sam Morril?

  You gotta let it come, man. I remember Chris Rock, once I saw him on the street, and he was like, he was like, I'm going away. I was like, oh, cool, I don't really do that. He goes, hey, man, even LeBron has an offseason.

• 53:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:07Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 53:08Sam Morril?

  And I was like, damn, all right, we gotta, yeah, you gotta reset.

• 53:10Speaker 01

  You do. I, I regret that a little bit, but, I mean, you know, I've heard, I mean, how you live on stage, and I'm, I'm pretty similar. I mean, if I'm off for more than two days, I feel like I've probably lost it.

• 53:22Mark Normand?

  Same, I'm twitchy.

• 53:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I don't like post about it or talk about it a lot, but that just feels like, you know, eventually it felt like my secret sauce is like, I was like, the more I'm on stage, clearly the better that I'm getting, so I just try to.

• 53:33Sam Morril?

  You fall ass backwards in the jokes.

• 53:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:34Sam Morril?

  You just, even if you're not trying, you're like, oh, I riffed something.

• 53:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:37Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 53:37Speaker 01

  But you're so right, Sam. You gotta learn when to take a break, though.

• 53:40Sam Morril?

  Well, yeah, I mean, I took a couple of weeks, and then, and then I started to be like. I did a couple of weeks and then I drank every night very hard and I was like, I think my body's fucked up. I have to go see a doctor. Turns out I need to be working.

• 53:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's a good point.

• 53:52Sam Morril?

  Cause if I'm not working, I will drink until I can't speak.

• 53:55Mark Normand?

  Same, same, yeah.

• 53:56Sam Morril?

  And, uh, yeah, no, it fucked my body up and now I have to, and I'm like back in the clubs and I'm like taking some, you know? You, you, you throw some shit at the wall, you, you pat it a little bit, but it was like, feels good, man.

• 54:06Speaker 01

  Yeah. I always enjoy seeing you at the cellar because I don't think there's anybody better at being topical. Like you can take, you can take a news article and turn it into a bit that day, which is really fun. Everybody wants to do that.

• 54:19Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 54:20Speaker 01

  And, and so it's always fun to see because it's like a true, quick, hot take. Like after, after a week, we all have a thought on it.

• 54:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:29Speaker 01

  But that afternoon is always interesting to see what somebody has manufactured.

• 54:33Sam Morril?

  I feel like I've cooled off and when, when they used to do that this week at the Comedy Cellar Show.

• 54:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:37Sam Morril?

  I was, I was, yeah, it forced you. We all had, when we were at Comedy Center. It was like such a great exercise. We were like, we have to have jokes.

• 54:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:43Sam Morril?

  And then, yeah, you gotta force it a little now.

• 54:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:45Sam Morril?

  You gotta, but man, I, I kinda miss.

• 54:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:48Sam Morril?

  I like a little homework.

• 54:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 54:50Sam Morril?

  It makes you, it makes you like, I need a deadline sometimes.

• 54:52Speaker 03

  For sure. Scary is just like, if you don't get it out that day.

• 54:55Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 54:56Speaker 03

  It's fucking over.

• 54:56Speaker 01

  It is. It is because the, I mean, it's gonna get ran through the algorithm and everybody's seen it 10 times.

• 55:02Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 55:02Sam Morril?

  Speak for yourself, my Lorena Boba chunk is crushing right now.

• 55:07Mark Normand?

  It's time to cut that off.

• 55:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's, uh, it's, it's fun getting it back out there, but it is scary, but my, this one's good about your wife, or my wife, is we went to, on a vacation for New Year's, cause she pushes vacations. Where I'm like, alright, back off, I like to work.

• 55:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 55:23Mark Normand?

  But it's good, I go on vacation.

• 55:24Sam Morril?

  And you love it.

• 55:25Mark Normand?

  And I love it and I'm thinking of jokes again, like new ideas pop in. I mean, she's miserable, cause I'm like, oh, chairs are funny, right? You know, and.

• 55:32Sam Morril?

  Back off is the funniest thing to say to, oh, a vacation.

• 55:35Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 55:36Sam Morril?

  Like she's got a knife at your throat.

• 55:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:38Sam Morril?

  I just wanna be with you in another place. You're like, you fucking bitch. Leave me alone.

• 55:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah. So.

• 55:44Speaker 03

  We ever out, like around normal people and they're like, you're so quiet. It's like, well, cause I'm thinking, you know?

• 55:48Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 55:49Speaker 03

  Just trying to observe.

• 55:50Mark Normand?

  And I'm bored out of my mind.

• 55:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, I am bored too, yeah.

• 55:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 55:52Mark Normand?

  But yeah, no, but I did. You take time off your brain, cause when you're doing stand-up, it's just like, you just think about the, oh, that tag's not working where I want it. Okay, I gotta fix that joke. But when you're out, you're like letting new shit in.

• 56:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 56:04Mark Normand?

  You know, and you need to do that.

• 56:05Sam Morril?

  It is, and sometimes you have a fresh approach to the same jokes when you leave them. You know, come back after taking some time off.

• 56:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:12Sam Morril?

  Um, no, I, I agree, but it's funny, Mark, because of you, I'll be on the road. I can't tell you how many cities. Some open mic will hit me up that's under a reptile center. And they'll go, we have a mic here at midnight, and they'll go, Mark Norman did it one time. And I want to be like, hey, let me tell you what, Mark did all of the shittiest mics in America. And I don't care if he's your, I'm not doing the mic under the reptile center.

• 56:36Speaker 01

  I remember that show. I, I, I mean, every city, they're like, uh, just to let you know, Mark Norman came to this mic that's.

• 56:41Sam Morril?

  Oh, you think you get it bad?

• 56:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:45Sam Morril?

  Oh, you think you're too good, Mark did it? I'm like, I'm tired.

• 56:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I, I'm the same thing. I'm like, I'm not coming, and it's like they try to guilt you with Mark. I'm like, yeah, of course he did. You wouldn't believe the rooms he's done.

• 56:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, and it's always like a 1 a.m. show, like after.

• 56:58Speaker 01

  It is, it's crazy.

• 56:59Speaker 03

  Somewhere else, and you're like, how does he have the, how do you have the energy?

• 57:02Mark Normand?

  I'm surprised fat chicks haven't come up to you, hey, Mark fucked that.

• 57:06Mark Normand?

  Some lady in a wheelchair, come on.

• 57:08Speaker 01

  Missing a foot, yeah.

• 57:10Speaker 03

  But I want to say this, as you guys are all building up, uh, new material, you're going back to like, I'm sure, old bits that didn't work.

• 57:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 57:17Speaker 03

  Oh, and now maybe this fits in this new act.

• 57:19Speaker 01

  Cause you're desperate.

• 57:20Speaker 03

  And also the fact that you haven't said it in a while, maybe you'll have like something that.

• 57:24Mark Normand?

  Yes, a new spin.

• 57:24Sam Morril?

  The inventory, you go through those old Word docs or whatever, and you're just like, oh shit, this should have worked. I should have said this instead. And then, still doesn't work, but you're like, uh, no, but, but you tweak it and.

• 57:35Speaker 03

  Sometimes you get lucky, yeah.

• 57:36Sam Morril?

  Sometimes, some of them, you're like, why'd I give up on this premise? This is a good premise. Or sometimes the premise was too ambitious, and you're like, ah, I can't figure this out right now. And then you come back and you're like, ah, let me, let me try to.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:47Mark Normand?

  And sometimes you, you focused on the bit so much that it lost its meaning. So then when you take a break and you come back, you see the meaning again.

• 57:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:55Speaker 04

  So, you working on any bits?

• 57:56Mark Normand?

  Ah, I knew you were, you gotta tell us early.

• 57:58Sam Morril?

  I got, I got one I'll try, because this, this got something the other night. I think there's something here. I was, I was watching a Mad Men episode, and it was on Amazon, so they do a disclaimer before the episode, uh, where they say that we do blackface in this episode. The character's blackface, and we do not condone that. And then they just show the episode. Uh, which is like, kinda weird. And then, there's another episode where a woman gets raped, and there's no disclaimer.

• 58:25Sam Morril?

  So it's like, once you speak once, you kinda gotta speak for all of them, you know? It's like, also, these guys cheating their wives every thirty minutes, maybe that's not the best thing to do either, I don't know. So it's like, that part, the rape part got a pretty good pop the other night.

• 58:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:36Sam Morril?

  I think there's some meat on that bone.

• 58:38Mark Normand?

  Definitely.

• 58:38Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 58:39Mark Normand?

  Smoking too is a disclaimer now. Smoking.

• 58:41Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 58:42Mark Normand?

  So like, yeah, you'd think rape would pop up.

• 58:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but it's also like, you just don't really have to say anything.

• 58:48Mark Normand?

  No.

• 58:49Sam Morril?

  We can figure out.

• 58:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:51Sam Morril?

  Humans can figure out.

• 58:52Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 58:53Sam Morril?

  What's bad.

• 58:53Mark Normand?

  Is there a guy applying blackface and he's like, "Oh, this is bad? Alright, alright."

• 58:57Speaker 01

  Okay, if you say so.

• 58:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:59Sam Morril?

  Before Malcolm X, they're like, "You shouldn't, you shouldn't kill people."

• 59:03Speaker 03

  Also, it is crazy that, they could show, you know, an old episode of something, but they wouldn't make something new with some guy. Obviously, you don't want somebody in blackface, but like, they wouldn't make something new with somebody in blackface. But now, old stuff, it's okay. It just gets grandfathered in. All this old stuff, like all kinds. Things on Seinfeld might not be appropriate.

• 59:20Mark Normand?

  Robert Downey Jr.

• 59:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:21Mark Normand?

  And Tropic Thunder.

• 59:22Speaker 03

  Right, exactly.

• 59:23Mark Normand?

  It's okay now.

• 59:24Speaker 03

  But now, things are, yeah, it's okay.

• 59:25Sam Morril?

  But there might be a disclaimer with that.

• 59:27Mark Normand?

  It might be.

• 59:27Speaker 03

  No, there is a disclaimer.

• 59:28Mark Normand?

  Is there?

• 59:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:29Sam Morril?

  Wow. It's interesting where the, you know.

• 59:32Mark Normand?

  No, no, that's very interesting, for sure.

• 59:34Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 59:35Mark Normand?

  You gotta disclaimer everything if you gotta do something.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:38Speaker 03

  But they should just be able to make everything. I mean, you can make everything. I think that's what it's gonna come to, I mean.

• 59:43Mark Normand?

  It's just strange, cause people did blackface. So, we're doing a show about this time, you know? That's what people did.

• 59:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I don't think, I don't think that, it's just weird that that's the one thing you zone in on.

• 59:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:55Sam Morril?

  Cause obviously, it's bad.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:57Speaker 03

  It's like when somebody plays a retarded person.

• 1:00:00Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:00:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:01Sam Morril?

  They get rewarded.

• 1:00:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, they get rewarded, yeah.

• 1:00:04Speaker 01

  Leonardo DiCaprio, Gilbert Graves.

• 1:00:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:07Speaker 01

  Did a lot for him.

• 1:00:07Mark Normand?

  Killed it. Killed it there. Helped his career.

• 1:00:10Speaker 03

  Is this out of a disclaimer?

• 1:00:12Sam Morril?

  What's the best buy?

• 1:00:14Mark Normand?

  Well, you can't be like, "Don't be retarded."

• 1:00:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:19Mark Normand?

  It's too late.

• 1:00:21Mark Normand?

  I thought of this on the way here, so maybe it's stupid. So it's not worked out. But you know, you got these, these method actors annoy the shit out of me. Like, they're all great. Daniel Day-Lewis is amazing. But they annoy the shit like hanging out with them, you know, where they're like, "I'm gonna be a mailman for a year before I get ready to get ready for this role." Porn stars don't do that. They're not like, "Hey, I wanna be a delivery guy. Pizza, delivery guy for a while, just so I can get the, just so I can, you know, nail it." No pun intended. Is that stupid? I thought of it on the way here.

• 1:00:50Sam Morril?

  Well, the problem with the bit is that porn is bad acting.

• 1:00:53Mark Normand?

  It's already bad acting, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:55Sam Morril?

  So no one do that, but maybe there's a way in still where you're just like...

• 1:00:58Mark Normand?

  Is there one method actor in porn?

• 1:01:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah, is there one guy who's just like, "I gotta nail this."

• 1:01:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, "I'm gonna be a pool boy for six months."

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, but then you start doing porn jokes and you can't do them in places like Texas anymore. They don't even know what it looks like.

• 1:01:11Sam Morril?

  That was a great joke in your special.

• 1:01:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, I love that. Buy a gun, right?

• 1:01:15Sam Morril?

  Buy a gun, right, so I can kill myself.

• 1:01:17Mark Normand?

  Blow my brains out, yeah, yeah. Oh, thanks. Alright, well, it's nothing. That's what I'm glad we ran it.

• 1:01:21Sam Morril?

  You have to put a disclaimer before that joke, though. You should not commit suicide.

• 1:01:24Mark Normand?

  You should not. Or unalive yourself, is what kids say, which is so stupid.

• 1:01:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and you guys got anything? I don't know.

• 1:01:30Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  I got some new stuff. I mean, not like, uh, my stuff's just so long-form. You guys are actual joke tellers.

• 1:01:37Mark Normand?

  You got jokes.

• 1:01:38Speaker 01

  I go on a, I go on a journey. I did try to get back into, now I feel like we're on Comics Unleashed. Yeah, let me naturally go into a bit. I've got, uh, here are Hank Smalls.

• 1:01:51Speaker 01

  No, I, uh, I did, I tried to get back into, uh, to running. I haven't ran in like a decade. And, uh, and like, I'm a big guy. And it was like, it's a lot tougher than I ever imagined. I'm 285 pounds.

• 1:02:04Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:02:05Speaker 01

  Uh, okay, wow.

• 1:02:07Sam Morril?

  Well, you don't look it.

• 1:02:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, thank you.

• 1:02:08Mark Normand?

  Six six one, six two?

• 1:02:09Speaker 01

  I'm six two.

• 1:02:10Sam Morril?

  That's why, yeah, you can tell.

• 1:02:11Speaker 01

  No, I'm, I'm, I'm built like, you know, I'm built like a football player, you know, that's, that's how they breed them where I'm from.

• 1:02:16Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:02:17Speaker 01

  Um, but anyways, I tried to get back into running. And the problem is when you, you haven't ran in so long and you're as big as I am, is your breathing, it's not like a regular, like, labored breathing. It's like a panicked type breathing situation. It doesn't look like I'm on a jog. It looks like I'm coming to tell you that i- it's bad back then.

• 1:02:37Mark Normand?

  You're like, "The British are coming."

• 1:02:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, um, and so, uh, you know, even in a place like New York City where nobody pays attention to anybody. If, uh, come to find out, if you breathe hard enough here, uh, people will ask you, um, if you're alright.

• 1:02:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  Um, but yeah, that, that's just like a, a little premise that I've, uh.

• 1:02:55Sam Morril?

  That's funny.

• 1:02:55Mark Normand?

  That's really funny.

• 1:02:56Sam Morril?

  I like that.

• 1:02:56Mark Normand?

  Maybe an angle could be, like, you hate running so much, you have to get yourself in fucked up situations to run away.

• 1:03:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, no, that's.

• 1:03:03Mark Normand?

  To force it.

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  I, I've been lighting a lot of fires. But anyways, boy, have I gotten quick.

• 1:03:10Mark Normand?

  Right, right, exactly, exactly.

• 1:03:12Speaker 01

  I'm on quite the run here.

• 1:03:14Mark Normand?

  Why, why'd you steal that? Uh, you know, I need to jog.

• 1:03:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:18Mark Normand?

  Something there. I like it.

• 1:03:20Sam Morril?

  You're trying to get down to, uh, just, uh, can we talk shape?

• 1:03:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:23Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:03:24Sam Morril?

  It's not that bad?

• 1:03:25Speaker 01

  A hundred percent, yeah.

• 1:03:26Speaker 03

  I would just say, like, you know, if you want, I mean, I don't know, mine would be like, if you were everywhere, like, if you wanted a line, say you just worked out, you just breathe heavy.

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:34Speaker 03

  In general.

• 1:03:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:37Speaker 03

  So, be like, I just came from a workout.

• 1:03:38Speaker 01

  I think this thing has some legs.

• 1:03:40Sam Morril?

  There's some legs there, of course.

• 1:03:41Speaker 01

  And for sure thighs. Alright, comedy.

• 1:03:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, there we go.

• 1:03:47Speaker 04

  No one's ever farted on Mark.

• 1:03:49Speaker 01

  Do what?

• 1:03:50Mark Normand?

  I'm waiting.

• 1:03:50Speaker 04

  No one's ever farted on Mark.

• 1:03:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I, I, I'm not nearly as gassy as he is today. I'm, I'm, I'm doing a little better.

• 1:03:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just started off my, I started off my day with an Uncrustable on and some, uh, bodega juice.

• 1:04:03Speaker 03

  I just got into Uncrustables because of the kids. I never had them until this year.

• 1:04:07Speaker 01

  Oh, they're lights out.

• 1:04:07Speaker 03

  This is my first year, it's unbelievable. I just get the, uh, the jelly and the peanut butter one.

• 1:04:10Speaker 01

  I mean, this is more of a dream, th- this is the thing, h- here you go, this is more of a dream come true for our generations than these kids coming up because they don't know the life of crust. They don't know, we grew up eating peanut butter and jellies.

• 1:04:21Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 1:04:22Speaker 01

  That's still one of my favorite, at my brokest, after my two DUIs, I can remember thinking, that I, I never got tired of peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

• 1:04:29Mark Normand?

  I ate one today.

• 1:04:30Speaker 01

  Poor, and I was like, damn, these are still fire.

• 1:04:33Mark Normand?

  I ate one today, I put it on a, a tortilla now, that's my move.

• 1:04:36Speaker 01

  That is, I'm, okay, I like that, I, I'm gonna stick with potato bread.

• 1:04:41Sam Morril?

  You could throw some, some, uh, banana in there, too.

• 1:04:43Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 1:04:43Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 1:04:45Speaker 01

  But these kids, they didn't earn this, this, to us, it blows our mind, I'm forty one. And I'm like, my god, baby Derek would be like, I, I, I dreamed of an Uncrustable world.

• 1:04:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:54Speaker 01

  And now, look what we've got. They act like it's normal to, I saw a video.

• 1:04:58Sam Morril?

  This is so funny that this is the thing that you're hung up on that they, not the internet, they're like, you motherfucker.

• 1:05:03Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:05:04Sam Morril?

  You don't know what it was like.

• 1:05:05Speaker 01

  It's the Uncrustable.

• 1:05:06Sam Morril?

  We had to spread our own jelly.

• 1:05:08Speaker 01

  We did, it was a nightmare.

• 1:05:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, you're right, we had to cut our own shit off.

• 1:05:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it was, I mean, are you guys?

• 1:05:15Sam Morril?

  The oil did mine, but.

• 1:05:16Mark Normand?

  I'm a smooth man, I know that's controversial.

• 1:05:19Sam Morril?

  I'm crunchy all the way.

• 1:05:20Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 1:05:22Sam Morril?

  I like crunch.

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:24Sam Morril?

  I want some texture.

• 1:05:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:25Mark Normand?

  Like the abortion debate. Pro-life, pro-crunch. Oh, look at that.

• 1:05:30Speaker 01

  Now, that's what I was gonna bring up.

• 1:05:31Mark Normand?

  He's pulling it off.

• 1:05:32Speaker 01

  He's pulling off the, the uncrusted crust.

• 1:05:34Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:05:35Speaker 01

  Look at these kids.

• 1:05:36Speaker 03

  That's crazy.

• 1:05:36Speaker 01

  They don't wanna work.

• 1:05:38Mark Normand?

  What a pussy.

• 1:05:38Speaker 01

  Look at them.

• 1:05:40Mark Normand?

  He can't even have the uncrust of crust.

• 1:05:41Speaker 01

  That's, isn't that wild? See, that's what I mean, they don't even live in the same.

• 1:05:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, my god.

• 1:05:47Speaker 03

  That's crazy.

• 1:05:48Mark Normand?

  That is to be ashamed, that's bad upbringing, his father should hit him.

• 1:05:52Sam Morril?

  Easy, Mark.

• 1:05:54Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 1:05:55Sam Morril?

  We're in dangerous waters here, Mark.

• 1:05:57Speaker 01

  This is a hot bit, don't make him cut it.

• 1:06:01Sam Morril?

  Mark's like, he should be killed, like, Jesus.

• 1:06:03Mark Normand?

  No, no, don't kill the man, he just needs to grow up a little.

• 1:06:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:06Sam Morril?

  Where's Jokic?

• 1:06:07Mark Normand?

  Get a serpent on his ass.

• 1:06:13Speaker 01

  Oh, my goodness.

• 1:06:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, don't pull it up.

• 1:06:16Speaker 03

  But I love the Uncrustable, what were your snacks growing up as a kid? I mean, I had, I mean, Oreos, I loved, I still love Oreos.

• 1:06:22Mark Normand?

  My parents wouldn't buy any of that shit.

• 1:06:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, very rare, very healthy. I also drank so much apple juice as a kid.

• 1:06:28Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:06:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, because we were told that, we were told that, yeah, we were told that.

• 1:06:31Sam Morril?

  But we didn't know, I thought orange juice was healthy.

• 1:06:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:34Speaker 03

  Remember how much orange, I used to drink a glass of milk.

• 1:06:37Speaker 01

  Same thing.

• 1:06:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true.

• 1:06:39Speaker 01

  No, I mean, orange juice, same thing, though, I mean, uh, it's still one of my favorite drinks, but it is so bad, I mean, there's so much sugar. But, but orange juice is one of my favorite.

• 1:06:47Speaker 03

  Are there any things you guys aren't gonna feed your kids? Because, I mean, now you're like, I mean, your kids, is your kid?

• 1:06:52Mark Normand?

  I try to keep them off sugar, no phones, obviously, uh, but like.

• 1:06:56Speaker 03

  Like, food-wise, do you have me goldfish?

• 1:06:59Mark Normand?

  I was a little go no fast food, you know, like I have a friend, he gives a lot of fast food to his kid.

• 1:07:03Speaker 01

  It's all hard to avoid that though.

• 1:07:07Mark Normand?

  Ah, you can just not buy McDonald's, I don't know.

• 1:07:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I know, but.

• 1:07:10Speaker 03

  Sometimes though, it gets to that hour, you're like, what could I, not, not like fast food, but like other things, you're like, ah, what could I get? What do I have in the house that's, I mean, Uncrustables is processed.

• 1:07:19Mark Normand?

  That's true, that's true, yeah.

• 1:07:20Speaker 03

  Would you give your kid an Uncrustable down the road?

• 1:07:22Mark Normand?

  I guess I would, yeah.

• 1:07:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would.

• 1:07:26Speaker 03

  Changing your parenting.

• 1:07:27Mark Normand?

  I don't want to be a horrible dad.

• 1:07:28Speaker 01

  I mean, I grew up in the household that was kind of weird and the fact that we had a lot of, uh, cokes, like sodas. But the food that we ate, I wasn't allowed to just eat a bunch of bad snacks. Like, I remember to me, a cookie was a Fig Newton. Which, you know, now, I mean, I, I don't love Fig Newtons, but we had Fig Newtons growing up a lot. Like, we had Ovaltine for our chocolate milk. Like, we were gonna do like ants on a log as a snack, or do something common, peanut butter on celery with the raisins. But it wasn't like a lot of like, uh, potato chips and fat and stuff, like.

• 1:07:59Mark Normand?

  None of that.

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  Lot of homemade food, too. I mean, I grew up out in the country, so, I mean, in New Orleans, I bet, I mean, I bet the eating was great.

• 1:08:06Mark Normand?

  Eating was good. My mom's a great cook, but, uh, she was very health conscious. So I'd be like, I'm hungry, I want a snack, and you're at your friend's house, you're eating Doritos. But in my house, she's like, let me slice up some tomatoes with, uh, oil and vinegar.

• 1:08:16Speaker 03

  My mom was the same way, very, very health conscious.

• 1:08:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, my grand, my grandmother was like that, and I, I would, I was just telling my wife about this. My grandmother would always kind of trick you. Because she would ask you what she wanted, as if we were gonna ever go get it. And whatever you said, she would make at home.

• 1:08:32Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:08:32Speaker 01

  You could say, I would go, I would love some Chinese food. Well, she would make orange chicken, or sweet and sour chicken, just like, you know, nothing like crazy gourmet, like with the packet and the skillet. Cutting up her own chicken and her own vegetables, you know, that sort of thing. If you said you wanted cheeseburgers, my grandmother, she would make you a cheeseburger, you know, it was, we would never go get that thing.

• 1:08:51Mark Normand?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:08:51Speaker 01

  She would go, well, we can have that, you know.

• 1:08:54Speaker 03

  You had a healthier version of it, though.

• 1:08:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, but a healthier version, uh, of it. It was always, you know, which was great. I mean, my mother wasn't quite, you know, quite like, my grandmother, she was, that was like how she loved on you, what do you want to eat?

• 1:09:05Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:09:05Speaker 01

  No matter what it was. Pizza, she's making a homemade, not like a crazy, you know, like making a pizza for you.

• 1:09:11Mark Normand?

  But it was never the same, you know, like my mom, I would go, give me some ranch dressing, and she'd go, we don't have any, I'll make some. She would make ranch dressing.

• 1:09:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:18Mark Normand?

  And it was like, a kind of ranchy, you know, it wasn't the same, you want that processed horse shit. I want something that RFK is gonna hate, you know?

• 1:09:25Speaker 03

  The poison's good.

• 1:09:27Speaker 01

  It's good.

• 1:09:28Sam Morril?

  It is.

• 1:09:28Mark Normand?

  It is.

• 1:09:28Sam Morril?

  That's literally everything good is po- I mean, people use it, people use it like, you know, drugs, it's all poison. It's like a little bit of poison going into your body and you're like, that's, that's the me getting fucked up.

• 1:09:39Speaker 01

  Of course, of course, yeah.

• 1:09:40Speaker 03

  But everything, like you have to do everything in moderation. I mean, if you have too much chicken, your cholesterol is gonna go through the roof.

• 1:09:45Speaker 01

  Right, right, right.

• 1:09:46Sam Morril?

  It's all we eat, I feel like.

• 1:09:47Speaker 03

  I know, we eat a lot of chicken.

• 1:09:48Sam Morril?

  Jerk chicken is like on the road.

• 1:09:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, jerk chicken.

• 1:09:51Sam Morril?

  That's like, I'm like, dude, Jamaican food.

• 1:09:53Speaker 03

  Jamaican is probably, I, I might go up there as my number one.

• 1:09:57Sam Morril?

  It's so good.

• 1:09:58Speaker 01

  I do love jerk chicken. If I'm on the road, though, I mean, I'm inherently, I'm a sandwich guy through and through. I love like a potbally, a potbelly, firehouse subs, like a local deli. I, I love, I'm going sandwiches.

• 1:10:12Sam Morril?

  Local deli all day.

• 1:10:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:13Sam Morril?

  I went to a great one in Birmingham, actually. I just went to a great, like, they had a Jewish deli there.

• 1:10:18Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, gotta love that.

• 1:10:20Mark Normand?

  What? Damn.

• 1:10:21Speaker 01

  I mean, there's, there's a small population of Jewish people and it's in Birmingham. It's like in the Mountain Brook area.

• 1:10:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow. What, what, is Roy Woods from there, huh?

• 1:10:30Speaker 01

  He's from Birmingham.

• 1:10:31Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:10:31Speaker 01

  He's not from Mountain Brook.

• 1:10:32Speaker 03

  Not a Jew.

• 1:10:36Speaker 03

  There you go.

• 1:10:36Mark Normand?

  Is that Von Braun?

• 1:10:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:38Mark Normand?

  Damn, you gotta use these bad guys for good. He's, everything's got his name on it, like the library, the synagogue, everything.

• 1:10:45Speaker 01

  You know what's crazy? We didn't learn a ton about him in school. I learned about him in college afterwards and I was like, oh, wow. I mean, it's not like something like in the local curriculum that they talked about a lot. Like, we talked a lot about, you know, NASA, the program, because it's in Huntsville.

• 1:11:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:01Speaker 01

  We talked a lot about missile defense, Redstone Arsenal, the Patriot missiles that are protecting this country. All that technology is from Huntsville, Alabama. It's a very smart, educated, southern city.

• 1:11:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, a lot of engineers.

• 1:11:12Speaker 01

  Lot of engineers, like the most per capita in the, in the United States, Huntsville, Alabama. So it's like this unique area where like, some of my friends' parents were rocket scientists.

• 1:11:21Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:11:22Speaker 01

  They would go to Houston, Wendy Williams, Jeremy Williams, my best friend, his mother, she would go to Houston once a week. She would fly there and back. It was, it, it's like, this is how I describe it. It's one of the very few places where there's lifted trucks and engineers.

• 1:11:36Mark Normand?

  Right, right, yes.

• 1:11:37Speaker 01

  This guy's got a dip in, but he's gonna get us back to Mars come hell or high water.

• 1:11:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:43Sam Morril?

  That is hilarious.

• 1:11:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. He's like, these numbers ain't adding up right now.

• 1:11:50Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:11:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, Huntsville's cool.

• 1:11:52Mark Normand?

  Engineers and those rocket scientists, they have that Alabama accent?

• 1:11:54Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, a lot of them, but I mean, also, you know, it's not like we got a homegrown program for this. They're from all over the country.

• 1:12:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:01Speaker 01

  Cause these are gonna be a collection of the brightest minds.

• 1:12:04Sam Morril?

  It's also ranked high as like a great cost of living city.

• 1:12:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:07Sam Morril?

  It's always like Huntsville, Charlotte, there's always cities like that in the north.

• 1:12:10Mark Normand?

  Totally, Raleigh.

• 1:12:11Speaker 01

  Huntsville's not like a crazy, I grew up in a, it's like kinda boring, but it's a great place to grow up, like, you know, family. There wasn't a lot of crime, it's, it's a pretty straight laced joint, um, bunch of nerds live there. Like, if I created like a, a robot out of Legos, I'd be on the local news, but nobody in Huntsville even knows I'm doing comedy. Yeah.

• 1:12:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's, same with New Orleans, comedy is not our thing.

• 1:12:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, you're right.

• 1:12:36Mark Normand?

  It's all jazz and food and partying and drinking.

• 1:12:39Speaker 01

  If you were on Netflix with a tuba, they'd have a parade for you.

• 1:12:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 1:12:42Speaker 03

  Things that have so much going on, it's real tough for comedy, I mean, except for, you know, New York, but like New Orleans, it's like other stuff going on.

• 1:12:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's like Miami.

• 1:12:50Speaker 03

  I feel like Nashville has so much going on now too, so it's like Nashville's good for comedy, but it's like not as great, it's like, it's so much stuff going on.

• 1:12:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, New Orleans, Miami's a gr- a great, those are like two that are great examples of, people have too much shit going on to care about your story.

• 1:13:04Mark Normand?

  Exactly, they wanna laugh and have a good time, but, but they don't wanna hear about us being in therapy.

• 1:13:09Speaker 03

  Vegas is good at the theaters, but not in the, like, the clubs, it's like, so.

• 1:13:12Sam Morril?

  They spend their therapy money on a, on a butt lift in Miami.

• 1:13:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:13:17Speaker 01

  Don't give a shit about your, your anxiety.

• 1:13:19Speaker 03

  Miami's probably one of the worst comedy cities.

• 1:13:20Mark Normand?

  I'd say worst.

• 1:13:21Sam Morril?

  It's a tough one, they always show up late, it's tough.

• 1:13:24Mark Normand?

  Way late, always late.

• 1:13:25Sam Morril?

  Way late, way late, thirty minutes late.

• 1:13:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you wanna go to Buffalo, there you know.

• 1:13:30Sam Morril?

  Buffalo's great.

• 1:13:31Speaker 01

  That's, that's Cleveland.

• 1:13:32Sam Morril?

  Love Buffalo.

• 1:13:33Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, exactly.

• 1:13:34Sam Morril?

  Pittsburgh.

• 1:13:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, Cleveland's great.

• 1:13:36Mark Normand?

  Phoenix, yeah.

• 1:13:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's tough places also that have like pretty good weather year round, I know they have like a bad hurricane season, but for the most part Miami's got pretty good weather too.

• 1:13:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:45Sam Morril?

  Everyone's kinda hot.

• 1:13:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, a hundred percent, everybody's doing pretty well for themselves.

• 1:13:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and comedy thrives in a dark, depressing basement.

• 1:13:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:54Mark Normand?

  You know, they don't wanna do that.

• 1:13:55Speaker 01

  I've rode some lightning in Toledo in my life.

• 1:13:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:58Speaker 01

  The city of glass, I think that's what they bring, they're like, we make a lot of glass here, I'm like, oh, you guys need these, alright, hold, let me break out some jokes.

• 1:14:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Hartford is the, uh, insurance capital, you know, it's like just a bummer.

• 1:14:10Speaker 01

  You start punchline, some guy takes a shotgun out of his mouth, he's like, alright, let me give this a shot, real quick, takes it out of his mouth.

• 1:14:18Sam Morril?

  That's great.

• 1:14:19Mark Normand?

  Uh, that's a tough Funny Bone. I've eaten some real shit in that one.

• 1:14:21Sam Morril?

  Same here dude.

• 1:14:23Mark Normand?

  Toledo and Hartford.

• 1:14:24Speaker 01

  Lot of Bernie Mac and cheese in there.

• 1:14:29Speaker 03

  One of my favorites, uh, I love Milwaukee.

• 1:14:31Mark Normand?

  Milwaukee's great. That's a real town.

• 1:14:34Speaker 01

  Awesome place.

• 1:14:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, alright, well where you guys gonna be? You guys are thinking of some cities.

• 1:14:38Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, April 2nd through the 4th, I will be in Cleveland.

• 1:14:43Speaker 03

  Hilarities?

• 1:14:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, Hilarities, just the best.

• 1:14:45Speaker 03

  Top 5, top 5 in the game.

• 1:14:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, top 5 for sure. Love Hilarities.

• 1:14:49Sam Morril?

  It's, it's one of my favorite clubs.

• 1:14:50Mark Normand?

  Nick and Sam, those are the guys up there.

• 1:14:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, Nick and Sam, man, they're the best.

• 1:14:53Sam Morril?

  They're the absolute best.

• 1:14:54Speaker 01

  They are.

• 1:14:54Speaker 03

  Good food too.

• 1:14:55Mark Normand?

  Very good.

• 1:14:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you can save money.

• 1:14:57Speaker 03

  At that club, yeah.

• 1:14:59Sam Morril?

  Oh, you think he's letting me off that easy?

• 1:15:02Mark Normand?

  We're eating two meals today.

• 1:15:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, when we go to Cleveland and wear Hilarities, I'm like, come on buddy.

• 1:15:07Mark Normand?

  So we have some. Derek's dates here.

• 1:15:09Speaker 01

  Oh, awesome, thank you.

• 1:15:11Sam Morril?

  And make sure you watch his new Netflix special, Nostalgic.

• 1:15:13Speaker 01

  Thank you, Sam. That, that's, that's out now, and then April 16th through the 18th, I'm, uh, uh, Grand Rapids.

• 1:15:20Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 1:15:21Speaker 01

  Doctor Grin's Comedy Club.

• 1:15:22Sam Morril?

  At the Bob.

• 1:15:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, May 1st and 2nd, I'm in Springfield, Missouri, Blue Room. So yeah, y'all come check me out. Thanks for letting me plug those.

• 1:15:29Sam Morril?

  And Comedy Off Broadway in May. That's, oh, these are, these are good rooms, man.

• 1:15:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, they're all, I love, I love, uh, Comedy Off Broadway in Lexington.

• 1:15:36Sam Morril?

  Oh, and the Omaha Funny Bone.

• 1:15:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:38Sam Morril?

  Say what's up to Colleen. She's the best. I love it. She's the best.

• 1:15:41Mark Normand?

  Man, did, did you feel a bump with the Netflix? Did you feel like a, I'm here and then here?

• 1:15:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I, I definitely, uh, I was starting to get a little bit of momentum right before, which helped, but, uh, there's definitely a bump in sales and traction, which is what you want.

• 1:15:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good, good, good for you. What do you got, Vito?

• 1:15:57Speaker 03

  I'm opening up for, well, I guess by the time it airs, I'm doing Zanies. When does this air?

• 1:16:00Speaker 01

  12th.

• 1:16:01Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 1:16:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, hell yeah, Ryman. That's one of the great rooms in the country.

• 1:16:05Speaker 03

  Yes. So I'll be there, uh, with Sal Vacano.

• 1:16:08Mark Normand?

  Killer.

• 1:16:08Sam Morril?

  Love him.

• 1:16:09Speaker 03

  Nashville, Tennessee.

• 1:16:10Mark Normand?

  Sal's the man. Great, great. Where you at there? Oh, is this me?

• 1:16:14Speaker 04

  This is Sammy.

• 1:16:14Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:16:15Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:16:16Sam Morril?

  Uh, you tell me.

• 1:16:17Mark Normand?

  LA, Verona, New York.

• 1:16:19Sam Morril?

  Oh, LA, May 7th for the Netflix Fest with Jordan Jensen, Joe List and Rachel.

• 1:16:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:24Sam Morril?

  Uh, United Theater, that'll be really fun. Verona, New York, Gary, if you're available. Uh, June 6th, uh, at the Turning Stone Casino, that should be fun. Then I'm in Lisbon, Portugal, and then I, I'm adding some shit. I don't think it's announced yet, but it might be on the site right now. Athens, Greece, Budapest.

• 1:16:43Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:16:44Sam Morril?

  Croatia, Vienna, Warsaw, Helsinki, Stockholm, Copenhagen. So if it's on the site, if not, it's coming. So I'll see you soon.

• 1:16:53Mark Normand?

  Doing the Strait of Hormuz next. Holy hell.

• 1:16:56Sam Morril?

  Not a lot of money in these cities, but it's gonna be fun.

• 1:16:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, you go for the time.

• 1:16:59Sam Morril?

  You go for the time, baby.

• 1:17:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, hell yeah. Chattanooga, choo-choo. We're coming back at the Walker Theater. Then, uh, then it's Raleigh, and, uh, Salak just got his hands off the, uh, computer.

• 1:17:10Sam Morril?

  Oh, sorry.

• 1:17:10Mark Normand?

  And, uh, then we got, uh, Ontario, LA for the Netflix Festival, Newvo, Brunswick, Spokane, Philly, uh, Milwaukee, Irvine.

• 1:17:22Sam Morril?

  Here we go.

• 1:17:23Mark Normand?

  And, uh, Tempe, Royal Oak. We got Cleveland as well, Seattle.

• 1:17:27Speaker 04

  Also, Mark has a new documentary about the run-up to his special in Boulder, Colorado. You can get it at pushingboulder.com. That's the name of the doc. It's a one-hour doc.

• 1:17:38Mark Normand?

  One hour, all green room, funny, bombing, working it out, traveling. It's, uh, Salak just put it together. It's very well done.

• 1:17:45Speaker 04

  Thank you, sir.

• 1:17:46Mark Normand?

  All right, and watch our specials on Netflix, folks.

• 1:17:49Sam Morril?

  Love it. And, uh, get some Bodega Cat Whiskey as well.

• 1:17:51Mark Normand?

  Woo-ee. Thanks for having me, fellas. You got it, sir.

• 1:17:55Sam Morril?

  Me too.

• 1:17:55Mark Normand?

  Comedy. Oh, yeah.

• 1:17:56Sam Morril?

  And watch Gary's special on YouTube. It's a great special. Watch that right now.

• 1:18:00Mark Normand?

  Buy Gary some chips, for Christ's sake. He needs some chips. He's got a gallon of guac at the house.

• 1:18:51Speaker 05

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' health care to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the HouseMajorityPac.com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.