Ep 535 - Soft Girls (feat. Sam Morril)

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Sam and Mark @ https://www.patreon.com/wemightbedrunkpod and Go See Sam Live @ https://www.sammorril.com/ Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Good morning everyone. Droppin early for you boyz n girlz this week nbd. Matt is joined by the bro Sam Morril ... Podium style. Check out Sam on the road. Listen to the We Might Be Drunk podcast with him and Mark. And buy Bodega Cat!!! Please enjoy. God Bless. Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want THIS WEEK CLEVELAND BUFFALO BALTIMORE @ https://www.shawngardini.com/ Go See Lemaire Lee @ https://lemairelee.fun/ This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames Exclusive $35-off Carver Mat at https://auraframes.com/. Use code MSSP at checkout to save! Try BlueChew FREE when you use our promo code DRENCHED at checkout - just pay $5 shipping. That’s bluechew.com/, promo code DRENCHED to receive your first month FREE. Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup The Mountain is calling, you should answer #DoTheDew #MTNDEW Shop now @ https://lets.shop/2141/dothedew Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Wow, wow, Wes.

• 0:01Matt McCusker?

  Hey, we're live. What's up, everybody? Sam Morril, thank you for coming, dude.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  Thanks for having me, man.

• 0:06Matt McCusker?

  I, I mean, I hate to dig into what we were just saying, but you're absolutely right. The headset, that was one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

• 0:12Speaker 00

  Oh, shit. Why'd I burn it off air?

• 0:14Matt McCusker?

  I was the funny, just saying.

• 0:15Speaker 00

  That's what everyone says now. You show up to like, save it. Save it for the pod. But, yeah.

• 0:20Matt McCusker?

  Sam was looking at my headset. He said that, uh, just when you see a comedian with a headset on stage, you know a molestation story is coming.

• 0:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's gonna get serious.

• 0:29Matt McCusker?

  That's the funniest thing I've ever heard, man.

• 0:30Speaker 00

  It's always something dark. There was another guy in the 90s, I forgot his name, but he was like, the first half was really funny, and then he was like, anyway, my dad was murdered. And you're like, what?

• 0:38Matt McCusker?

  The fuck?

• 0:39Speaker 00

  But he had the headset. You knew something was coming.

• 0:41Matt McCusker?

  It is. It does lend to like a gravitas towards the whole thing.

• 0:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 0:44Matt McCusker?

  I can hear is the secret to life. Pause.

• 0:47Speaker 00

  Or like a self-help person where they're just like doing this a lot.

• 0:50Matt McCusker?

  That's where I got, uh, remember, did you ever see Vanilla Skies with Tom Cruise?

• 0:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 0:53Matt McCusker?

  That's where it just made me laugh of him just being like, you wanna get fucking pussy or not? Thank you for coming, dude. I'm fucking pumped to have you.

• 1:01Speaker 00

  I couldn't tell if that was a good movie or not.

• 1:02Matt McCusker?

  Uh, when they broke out and singing in the end, it pissed me off.

• 1:05Speaker 00

  Vanilla Sky?

• 1:06Matt McCusker?

  Am I thinking, no, I'm thinking of, uh, not Vanilla Sky, uh, Magnolia or something?

• 1:10Speaker 00

  Yeah. Oh, with the frogs?

• 1:12Matt McCusker?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was annoying.

• 1:14Matt McCusker?

  That pissed me off.

• 1:14Speaker 00

  It was like a really good movie till then.

• 1:16Matt McCusker?

  Started, it was awesome. And then it just ended pointlessly with him singing. And I was like, this is fucking, this is me off.

• 1:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:23Matt McCusker?

  Bullshit. Yeah. Dude, thanks for coming, man.

• 1:25Speaker 00

  Thanks for having me, dude. This is, I'm, I'm happy to be here.

• 1:28Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it's funny. The first time I ever saw you, I was a pup in comedy. I was a young pup and my friend Chris O'Connor was like, dude, Sam Morril's going, he was in Philly. You were doing some, yeah, I forget where it was. We just watched and we're like, you know, when you just start and you see a guy who like actually can do it, and you're just like, oh, fuck, dude.

• 1:43Speaker 00

  Where was it?

• 1:43Matt McCusker?

  It's in Philly. I forget. Some theater. It was like a, it was like a, it was like a theater, but it wasn't like a, it was like a.

• 1:50Speaker 00

  Like a black box type thing?

• 1:52Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 1:52Speaker 00

  I did a lot of those in Philly because they were easy, you know, easy to get to. Train is like 90 minutes. It's, people don't know. It's like right there, but.

• 1:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was, I was a young.

• 1:59Speaker 00

  I loved it.

• 2:00Matt McCusker?

  I was a young comedy pub and we're going, whoa, dude, that's so fucking cool, dude. He has a whole fucking hour. This is crazy. Five minutes. We're like, oh dude, that's so fucking cool.

• 2:07Speaker 00

  Oh, and then like if I look back at that hour, I'd be like, oh, I fucking suck. That's how it works, you know? You feel good about it for a minute and then, but then I don't like my new stuff either. It's like, you know?

• 2:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 2:18Speaker 00

  It's tough. How do you feel about your stuff?

• 2:20Matt McCusker?

  Uh, I, I go back and forth. Sometimes I'm like, like the hour I'm doing now, I'll be like, this is great. And then I'll like, there's like chunks of it where I'm like, this fucking sucks. I need to cut this all out. But I, I get to the point where I just want to be done with it. I'm like, I, all right, this is, it is what it is. I wanted to like, release this and just go on coming up with something else.

• 2:36Speaker 00

  I know. It's, it's amazing how quickly, it's like, it's like just a new relationship. And like the, at first you're like, oh my God, this is amazing. And then a few months in, you're like, what am I doing?

• 2:45Matt McCusker?

  I know. What the fuck am I talking about? Yeah. I'll like, I'll like laugh. I'll not even laugh. I'll be like, as I, there's like certain things I'll say from it in my head. I'm like, you fucking loser. And I'm like, all right, come on, man. Come on, let's get through the hour, brother. Let's get through the hour.

• 2:56Speaker 00

  There's always that one chunk where you're like, fuck, why am I still doing? But you know, you're doing it to, cause you, you believe you're like, it'll get better.

• 3:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 3:03Speaker 00

  But you got it. You gotta do it enough that you hate it. And then you're like, all right, I'll write new stuff.

• 3:07Matt McCusker?

  It's time. Yeah. It's time to chop this loose. I'm excited. I'm going to try to do a special, I don't know, at some point. And then, uh, in the spring, maybe, and then just.

• 3:14Speaker 00

  You're like one of the few successful YouTube specials of recent.

• 3:19Matt McCusker?

  Thank you. Yeah.

• 3:19Speaker 00

  I feel like there's not, that had a moment and then it was like, it got oversaturated and you, you Ari, a few other people.

• 3:26Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I thought, I was thinking for like maybe 40,000 views. So I was like, I'll probably get 40,000 on it. And then like, I was like, I'll have to do a bunch of podcasts, promote it. And then like the first week I was like, oh sweet, I don't have to do anything. I'm just gonna sit back and chill.

• 3:37Speaker 00

  I know. That is, that is the dream to be like, no press.

• 3:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. You know, it's, I, I, I thought I was going to have to do it all. And then, you know, you know, whatever. But I always say, people always, people ask me, they'll like, be like, like, what should I do for like, you know, like my podcast? I'm like, dude, here's what you gotta do. I was like, just get a, a co-host to become supremely famous. And I was like, that'll work for sure.

• 3:59Speaker 00

  You gotta be like, like an agent now. You're like, I think that guy's got the goods right there. Yeah.

• 4:04Matt McCusker?

  True. But yeah, people, it's funny when they, they always get like really disheartened when I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what the fuck to tell you, man. I'm like, you just. Find someone who's super famous.

• 4:12Speaker 00

  You're, you're holding up your end though.

• 4:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well, thank you, man. Thank you. But yeah, it is a, I don't know, man. It's just the people get, people get spun out, man. Entertainment's the only thing, only like job I've ever seen where people make like as much as a doctor. They're like, I'm a fucking loser. You're like, dude, you're killing it, man.

• 4:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, but if you saw other doctors like performing an operation, you're like, that guy's getting more likes than me on his, on his operation.

• 4:36Matt McCusker?

  True, true.

• 4:36Speaker 00

  Feel like it, there is that thing about like, and also like we, we do badly more than like a doctor's like, I'm sure they fuck up sometimes, but like, I'll, I'll, I've, I've had like three bombs in a row. If a doctor fucks up three times in a row, I'm like, you gotta get out.

• 4:52Matt McCusker?

  Just coming home, like I fucking bombed on that brain surgery. I was dead.

• 4:56Speaker 00

  It was an easy one. They were, he was good and I blew it.

• 5:00Matt McCusker?

  The other doctor went on, he crushed and I came on and just killed the guy. True. That's a fair point. Yeah. They don't have to deal with the metrics.

• 5:06Speaker 00

  I think just the comparing, we always compare and like, it's different than it used to be like, you know, back in the day, you'd be trying to get something on Comedy Central and there'd be like, one spot. You're like, this is the, this is the white dude spot. If I don't get this, I suck. And you're like, shit, then I'm on a lineup with like Norman, Dan Soder, Phil Handley, all these like killer New York comics, you know?

• 5:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 5:26Speaker 00

  Joe List and uh, but you know, now it's like, it's kind of wide open.

• 5:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. No, it's true. Yeah, it does. And it sucks too, cause I will say in comedy, the product is your like personality. So people are like, yeah, not for me. You're like, fuck you, dude. It's not like you're selling insurance. Like, yeah, I don't really need that right now. It's like, yeah, I saw you. I'm good on you. And you're like, fuck.

• 5:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's not my act. That's me. They said my name. That's when it would hurt when you're like, they don't just like dislike you, especially when you told you like, oh, I don't just dislike his act. I don't like him.

• 5:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I hate that guy.

• 5:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, he sucks.

• 5:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's a weird, uh, I don't know. It is, I, it, it is funny. People like, I, talking about like the internet comments is always kind of people always like, uh, but it is an interesting thing. Cause you, you do have to deal with like, like the way you're, I don't know how to put it, but that's the way you're like, your body has like cells. There's just like a million comments about you and you can start getting into them and it is, I don't know. I, I think it is funny. It's a fun thing to like, I used to get real whacked out. I'd read them like, just like, fuck this guy, fuck, who the fuck is this guy? Now I'm like, You never can tell, cause sometimes it'll be something that actually is accurate and you're like, fuck, that's actually true and that's painful to realize. Then it's like you get like, you suck, I love you. And then you get like opposing views that you have to somehow just choose like, which one do I actually believe?

• 6:40Speaker 00

  I know, you're like, fuck, I am a dumbass with one eyebrow. He nailed it. Shit. Every once in a while, yeah, but you know, if you believe the good stuff, then you're crazy too.

• 6:51Matt McCusker?

  I know, that's the problem. That's a problem, dude. I don't believe any of it. I just wait till I find something negative and I just feel the sting of that and I go, that's enough for today. And I just go about my day and I go, fuck.

• 7:00Speaker 00

  You gotta also, I mean, I know comics who are like, I remember a comic friend of mine got this like great write-up in the New York Times and I called him like, dude, this is amazing. And he was just like, nah, they're gonna, this is like right before they turn on me. Like he couldn't enjoy it at all. He was like, nah, they're gonna fucking, this is like, they're calling me great. So it's like, people are gonna fucking be like, this guy sucks.

• 7:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, or they're gonna dig out some skeleton from my past.

• 7:22Speaker 00

  That'd be, yeah. I don't think this guy has any skeletons. I think he's like pretty well liked, this guy, but he just like, yeah, I don't know.

• 7:29Matt McCusker?

  Damn dude. Dude, I was, uh, I did wanna talk to you about this. I, so you know about the Diddy stuff, obviously?

• 7:34Speaker 00

  Sure. I was there, it was great.

• 7:38Matt McCusker?

  He sucked my dick. Do you, so he, Diddy's now crying, um, that it's unfair that the owner of Abercrombie is not getting as mu- he's out on bail while Diddy is not out on bail. And he apparently, I didn't get a ti- I didn't get enough time to look into it, like the details of it, but he was apparently running like a sex trafficking thing in the UK.

• 7:57Speaker 00

  I mean, you can tell by the stores, right?

• 7:59Matt McCusker?

  Dude, that's what I'm saying.

• 7:59Speaker 00

  You just walked in there, you're like, this should not be okay, right? These poor damn employees.

• 8:03Matt McCusker?

  Well, they used to have teenage, shirtless teenage boys outside of their store, while running a, uh, I think it was primarily a gay sex trafficking ring. Which is crazy, dude.

• 8:13Speaker 00

  In the open, basically. I mean, I, I remember walking in there and being like uncomfortable and having to leave.

• 8:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude. I remember my, I would like, high school girlfriends would be like, let's go to Abercrombie. And I'd like walk past like a fucking hot dude with his shirt off. He'd be like, fuck you, dude. Walking, like I'm not buying any of this shit.

• 8:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, we were so mean to them, but like, looking back, that dude was probably getting railed. Yeah, so we like, we were in the wrong.

• 8:34Matt McCusker?

  I thought they were getting a ton of pussy. Turns out, yeah, they were just like blowing old men.

• 8:37Speaker 00

  They were the pussy.

• 8:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was crazy. That guy is apparently running, he was running a thing like Diddy. Whereas like all kinds of crazy manipulation and deception and sex trafficking and whatever.

• 8:49Speaker 00

  But that's the way to do it. If you're doing that, because you're like, well, this is so out in the open. You think I would just flaunt it if I were actually do- But then, you, he was, because Diddy was more like, it was more like a VIP vibe, like you only, you know.

• 9:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 9:01Speaker 00

  And, you know, of course, someone with all these celebrities, you wouldn't be doing something like this. It would, the word would get out.

• 9:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 9:09Speaker 00

  But, you know, I don't, I don't know how it works, if they had like NDAs or something there.

• 9:13Matt McCusker?

  I think they just try to get dirt on you. I think that the deal is you try to get dirt on them first and then you're like, real, I don't know, because that is, I'd be so nervous. Imagine if you were running like a sex trafficking, like you were dr- imagine if last night you just drugged-

• 9:26Speaker 00

  I'm already stressed. I can't imagine. I'm already like, fuck, I feel like shit, I'm on the road. I can't imagine like, that guilt level where you're just like, fuck, I have a sex trafficking ring.

• 9:35Matt McCusker?

  You're like, yeah, you GHB'd the guy opening for you, you fucked him, and then you fucked like four ladies, and you just woke up and like, God, I gotta do a meeting for my fucking vodka.

• 9:45Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy.

• 9:45Speaker 00

  Damn, yeah, what's gonna happen to Ciroc?

• 9:47Matt McCusker?

  I think someone else bought it.

• 9:48Speaker 00

  Ah.

• 9:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I think someone-

• 9:50Speaker 00

  Is it tainted though? Because I did think of Diddy when I think of it.

• 9:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, I would think, I would drink Ciroc and have a good time thinking about Diddy, having fun times, but now I'm just like, ugh. But no, I think, uh, I think they, some people try to say that that was the whole thing to get him off of the board because they were saying like, they were like liquor billionaires who didn't want him, he wasn't like playing ball. It'd be like liquor Ticketmaster being like, you're not playing ball, and they're trying to claim-

• 10:13Speaker 00

  You're not playing ball, you have a sex trafficking ring. Back in the day in like Hollywood, they would have morality clauses in the contracts for like these young starlets, so they'd be like, you know, a young actress would be like fucking a married guy, and they'd be like, no, you gotta, you gotta shut that down. We invested at you here at MGM, or whatever.

• 10:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 10:29Speaker 00

  So, you know, it's like, it's really funny how, you know, back then it was like, don't, infidelity's bad. Now it's like, don't fuck kids.

• 10:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, don't, please.

• 10:38Speaker 00

  It's, you know, it's changed.

• 10:40Matt McCusker?

  It does ruin, it does ruin a brand. The Catholic Church was the only institution that was like, their adherents were like, come on.

• 10:47Speaker 00

  It's a branding error.

• 10:48Matt McCusker?

  Every big company has some bad guys.

• 10:52Speaker 00

  Subway. It's lost some luster.

• 10:55Matt McCusker?

  It has.

• 10:55Speaker 00

  And they could have gone with that Clay Henry guy. Remember Clay Henry back in the day?

• 10:58Matt McCusker?

  No, who was that?

• 10:59Speaker 00

  He was the other one. It was like Jared and Clay Henry. They brought in like a one B. Character.

• 11:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:04Speaker 00

  Like he got real big on burgers and fries, but now he's down to a smaller size.

• 11:08Matt McCusker?

  So he brought another guy in?

• 11:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, he was a fireman too. Like he could have made them, he could have made them look good.

• 11:13Matt McCusker?

  Loved his wife.

• 11:14Speaker 00

  He was probably a good guy. But then, yeah, they went Jared. And look, we can't deny Jared had an impact.

• 11:20Matt McCusker?

  He had the sauce.

• 11:21Speaker 00

  And the story of just walking and eating. He like, I walked to Subway and I, and I ate sandwiches and I lost. And you're like, that's not true, but we all bought it because we're idiots.

• 11:31Matt McCusker?

  I know. Oh, when he pulls those pants out, you're like, who can argue with that? That guy's pants were so much bigger. He was circling school zones.

• 11:38Speaker 00

  That's how he lost the weight. Just getting his cardio and going from one kindergarten to the other.

• 11:44Matt McCusker?

  Did you see the documentary about him?

• 11:46Speaker 00

  I have, and is it good?

• 11:47Matt McCusker?

  It is, it's amazing.

• 11:49Speaker 00

  I gotta watch it.

• 11:49Matt McCusker?

  It is, dude, he was way more sinister than you think. Like he apparently, so the reason that whole story broke, he went to a school assembly. He was going to assemblies in schools and like at the height of his, you know, prime or whatever. And he would talk to kids.

• 12:05Speaker 00

  Like he's Barry Sanders. In his prime.

• 12:08Matt McCusker?

  But he, he was in a school auditorium and he was with a lady who like, was like the local news lady. And they did like a little speech. He was like, kids, you gotta eat healthy, blah, blah, blah. And she was doing her thing. And then they went and sat down. He goes, god damn it, I love to fuck one of these kids, just to the lady. And she was like, what? What? This is all according to her. She was the one who broke the story. And then so she.

• 12:28Speaker 00

  That was a heat check moment for him. He was like, man, I'm getting away with this for so long. Let me see, let me see. Cause that's what they do. They like, it's like serial killer shit where they're like, they'll go back to the scene of the crime. It's like that cockiness.

• 12:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 12:40Speaker 00

  Of getting away with it.

• 12:41Matt McCusker?

  I mean, dude, yes, for sure. But it was like. It's such a weird thing to do because then I guess he was putting a feeler out for her because then she, this is where it's kind of suspect for her, but she was like, she was a, you know, journalist. So she's like, I want to kind of get, this is a huge story if this guy potentially really wants to fuck kids or if he's just like fucking around and is the funniest guy ever to like, just step down and like, I don't want to fuck one of these kids. But then she started like pretending to be his girlfriend and they just drew all this-

• 13:07Speaker 00

  To get stuff out of him.

• 13:08Matt McCusker?

  Get stuff out of him. And I don't think she ever said she had sex with him, but she would be like, they would have like phone sex where she'd be like, what were you talking about? And he was like, I just think I want to fuck you. And he like admitted to doing it and like the, his manager and him were fucking kid like, and then like it all culminates and she's having-

• 13:23Speaker 00

  Okay, imagine finding you have that in common with your manager. That's such a weird, because I always like pump my, my agents a Knicks fan. But like, I mean, you're like, you're into that? That's fucking great.

• 13:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's a funny icebreaker to like see kids like, man, kids, man, they say the funniest things.

• 13:42Matt McCusker?

  You see the switch on that kid actually? Yeah, bro, I was actually going to bring it up. You do really have to ease into that. Like, that's a good looking kid. Yeah, the kid's cute.

• 13:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, if you were into that.

• 13:52Matt McCusker?

  The kid's really cute. And you're like, I think that kid's really cute too. And she's like, I'm so glad we met.

• 13:59Speaker 00

  We should hang, yeah.

• 14:01Matt McCusker?

  But dude, she, it all culminates in she has a birthday party for her own kids and uses them as bait.

• 14:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:08Matt McCusker?

  And it's like, he's like, she's like, my kid's coming. I'm so into this. Oh my God, I want, and he's like, I'm going to come fuck your kid at the birthday party. And she's like, sweet, perfect. And she's working with-

• 14:17Speaker 00

  So she has a kid?

• 14:18Matt McCusker?

  Yes, I think she had like two and she was using them as bait and she even went to the FBI-

• 14:21Speaker 00

  He was using her for these kids? Worked both ways.

• 14:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, let's quit, Pocoh.

• 14:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:25Matt McCusker?

  But he, uh, but she like went to the FBI like, dude, I have this guy on tape saying he fucks kids and they're like, you're not, that's illegal. You're not allowed to record him like that. And that's why they set up the birthday party and she had like a wire on and everything. She's like, he was like basically wanted a kid, which is monstrous on the kid's birthday. It'd be like, I'm going to come to his birthday party after he opens his presents and I'm going to smash. And it was like, damn. Bro.

• 14:46Speaker 02

  That is a bad birthday.

• 14:47Matt McCusker?

  That is a bad birthday. It's a bad man. And then, uh, but yeah, eventually like he kinda gets cold feet, but then they get him anyway. He like cops the crime. He like, dude, he was a monster, dude. This episode is brought to you by Viori.

• 14:59Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:00Matt McCusker?

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• 15:06Speaker 02

  Oh, I know you do.

• 15:07Matt McCusker?

  Well, they're soft, lightweight and have four-way stretch so they can move with you with no restriction. They're technically workout clothes, so you can train in them, but they don't look like workout clothes. You can wear them out and people will think you've got your life together. Honestly, they're comfier than whatever you're wearing right now, unless you're already wearing Viori, in which case, respect.

• 15:30Speaker 02

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• 15:52Matt McCusker?

  Crazy. Yeah, he was that bad. And he claimed it was because he lost so much weight that then his appetite for food just like transferred to kids. That's what, that was his claim. He was like, it's not my fault. When you lose weight like I did, you become hypersexual. And he's like, I just wanted to start fucking kids like.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Damn, so Subway really is bad.

• 16:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Subway.

• 16:12Speaker 02

  I mean, you're like, yeah.

• 16:13Matt McCusker?

  He should have been blaming it on the hoagies. Like, this is fucking hoagies, dude. I never wanted to fuck kids.

• 16:18Speaker 02

  Bread, dude.

• 16:18Matt McCusker?

  Bread fucked me.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  That's not real bread. I, I knew Subway wasn't be trusted when they claimed that was avocado, dude.

• 16:24Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 16:25Speaker 02

  That was, that's not avocado.

• 16:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it made me wanna fuck. Yeah, but dude, he got, uh, yeah, he, I like explained that documentary at like a fire, like someone brought it up like jokingly. And I'm like, you know, the real story. And I gave like, and they were like, people's wives were like, dude, please stop. I don't wanna talk about it. This kid getting just battened down at his birthday party.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  It is tough when you bring that to, you gotta, you gotta know the audience for that.

• 16:46Matt McCusker?

  I know. I, I, it was like a nice campfire setting. We're all like sitting around. People were having like sangria and I'm like, you know, he was gonna fuck a kid at his birthday party. They were like, all right, that's enough of that. I was like, I'm sorry.

• 16:56Speaker 00

  But it's tough because it's been pushed into the mainstream like it is a Netflix thing or HBO.

• 17:00Matt McCusker?

  It was, yeah, yeah.

• 17:02Speaker 00

  And so it is tough when you're like, you know, you're just hanging out at like a nice little party. You got a skewer in your hand. You're like, Chambonay Ramsey. You see that? Crazy.

• 17:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's true. Yeah, it has been pushed in like the heinous murders are they're like, great. That stuff never ends. Heinous murder footage is like, people love that.

• 17:18Speaker 00

  It's endless. I mean, the, the CEO from, uh, fucking, uh, United Healthcare. You saw that yesterday.

• 17:25Matt McCusker?

  What happened with that?

• 17:26Speaker 00

  I mean, a guy with a silencer. Talk about bad branding. They got him in Starbucks right before.

• 17:32Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 17:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's have, they got him on camera in Starbucks ordering a coffee.

• 17:36Matt McCusker?

  True. What'd he get?

• 17:37Speaker 00

  I don't know. Definitely not tea.

• 17:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, no, no.

• 17:39Speaker 00

  Not a tea drinker. That's you need some caffeine to pull out an execution.

• 17:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's like a caramel macchiato. Well, maybe a refresher. Maybe you got like a watermelon citrus refresher. Just carried out a, he went to Starbucks before he murdered him?

• 17:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's run with that if you're Duncan.

• 17:53Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 17:53Speaker 00

  Run with that story. Like, hey, we don't.

• 17:56Matt McCusker?

  We don't sell shit to guys like that.

• 17:57Speaker 00

  We don't like that.

• 18:00Speaker 00

  That's bad stuff.

• 18:01Matt McCusker?

  That would be funny to just call it like murder juice. Like, yeah, you get your murder. We don't sell murder.

• 18:04Speaker 00

  Well, they had the murder ball, remember? Or the medicine ball. I'm fucking it up. That was, by the way, we're such idiots. We're like, it's a secret menu thing. The medicine ball when you're sick.

• 18:11Matt McCusker?

  What is it?

• 18:12Speaker 00

  It's just sugar. It's just like, probably awful for you when you're sick, but it's like tart enough that you're like, ah, it's helping my throat.

• 18:19Matt McCusker?

  Wait, Starbucks has a secret medicinal beverage?

• 18:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's called the medicine. Is it in the medicine ball? What do they call it now? But it's just like lemonade and a shitload of honey. And it's probably just an insane amount of sugar. And you think it's helping because of all the honey, but it doesn't do shit.

• 18:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go puke on a Starbucks counter and be like, I need the, I need the medicine ball.

• 18:42Speaker 00

  It's, uh, yeah, that's, you gotta be pissed if you're, if you're, if you're Howard Schultz.

• 18:48Matt McCusker?

  Bad for Starbucks. I mean, they definitely, they had their, they had their scandal, I think like three years ago, they like kicked a black guy out of there.

• 18:54Speaker 00

  Oof.

• 18:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Starbucks, the employee kicked the black, he wasn't even buying anything. He was having a business meeting. Talking business and they fucking, they kicked.

• 19:01Speaker 00

  But they never kick anyone. It's a joke.

• 19:02Matt McCusker?

  I know. It was pretty nuts.

• 19:03Speaker 00

  That feels personal.

• 19:04Matt McCusker?

  It does feel personal.

• 19:05Speaker 00

  I go in there all the time to pee and I don't get anything.

• 19:07Matt McCusker?

  I'm in there, you're in there, you're trying to sign someone up to a pyramid scheme. They're like, get the fuck.

• 19:12Matt McCusker?

  We talk about a business opportunity. And they fucking kicked him out and it was like a huge deal. It was in Philly.

• 19:17Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 19:18Matt McCusker?

  That Starbucks came under massive fire and they had to come out and be like, you know, the CEO has to come out and be like, we don't, we don't like that at all.

• 19:24Speaker 00

  It's so stupid too, because they would do, they did that thing years ago at Starbucks where they're like, let's have a talk about race. Remember that ad campaign they did and we're like, what are you, what are you doing?

• 19:32Matt McCusker?

  Cause they kicked out a black guy. They had to do it.

• 19:34Speaker 00

  That's so stupid.

• 19:35Matt McCusker?

  Now they have murderers. Yeah, that's what happens. They're like, oh, they're kicking out black guys? I'm gonna get a coffee before I murder someone. This is a perfect place for me.

• 19:42Speaker 00

  Coffee does, it really is great.

• 19:44Matt McCusker?

  Drinking a coffee and murdering somebody would be pretty sick.

• 19:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:47Matt McCusker?

  I think it'd be pretty nice. You're like, heart rates pouncing as you go away. You're like, goddamn, I shouldn't have had that second shot of espresso. That was too much. That was way too much.

• 19:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm freaking out. No, I also, I feel like just murdering someone would wake you up though.

• 20:00Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 20:00Speaker 00

  That would probably get your heart rate up. I also think, you know, uh, I was a little annoyed that New York's getting bad PR though. I told you New York's dangerous. I'm like, oh, we have to answer for this fucking psychopath?

• 20:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 20:10Speaker 00

  I don't know where he's from.

• 20:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. And that's also not like, you know, that, that's like a weird, high level hitman crime.

• 20:17Speaker 00

  That's what they say, but then it doesn't look that professional because they found him on camera. And if you're a high level hitman, you're not going to Starbucks before.

• 20:24Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 20:24Speaker 00

  That's a weird move.

• 20:25Matt McCusker?

  True. Apple pay.

• 20:28Matt McCusker?

  No, yeah. When I say high level, I mean, just like killing a CEO is like a high level murder. You would think there was like some powerful interest behind it, or maybe it was just a psycho attacking. I don't even know that guy.

• 20:39Speaker 00

  Who knows? I mean, it could be a guy who just got, who's fucked over more than a health insurance company, you know? I mean, it's like, I feel like that's why Joker resonated with so many people because in the beginning, he's getting fucked over by his insurance. So you're like, all right, whatever he does is kind of fine.

• 20:53Matt McCusker?

  That's true. That's true. You get a surgery the day before, like you, like your thing lapses and like you gotta pay fucking $90 million. You're like, you motherfucker.

• 21:01Speaker 00

  We've all been on hold with an insurance company. Like what the fuck? Like that's where you lose it.

• 21:07Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 21:07Speaker 00

  Cause you know, they always, I mean, also it's like, it's a tough, I would, that's a job I would not want. CEO, you're making a shitload of money. At the expense of a lot of people who are suffering.

• 21:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, and that's the whole point of insurance. You're taking in more money than you're paying out. So you have to make, you have to try to pay out as little as possible.

• 21:26Speaker 00

  And it does feel like they're trying to fuck you sometimes.

• 21:29Matt McCusker?

  They are. That's the, they have to. Their whole thing has to be, a lot of those places are like, they have like research about this. There's just like 40% or whatever of people, if you're just like, yeah, sorry, no, they'll just be like, well, I guess I'm fucked then. And then there's like another percentage of people who will actively follow up. But then you can be like, well, all right, we're gonna sue you and like, all right, I'm not doing that. So there's like only a small percentage of people will like know the steps to be like, I gotta get a lawyer now. Like, nobody thinks about that or like can't afford a lawyer.

• 21:53Speaker 00

  And it's exhausting. They tire you out. If you're sick, you don't want to deal with making all these phone calls anyway. I mean, I, I think about all the time, the ways they, they pretend they're hooking you up. I was at a dermatologist once and like, you know, your insurance covers you like a free chemical peel? And I was like, why the fuck would I want a chemical peel? And they're like, well, you get it for free. And I was like, maybe I want one. It's free. But then they didn't cover the fucking medication I needed.

• 22:17Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 22:17Speaker 00

  So it's like they, they cover shit you don't need. It's like they, they know how to fuck you, is my point.

• 22:22Matt McCusker?

  They do. They're very, again, it's their whole, it's the whole point of their operation is to take in more money and pay out less. And they're supposed to pay you out if bad things happen, but the way they can make more money is to not pay you out. And then if you don't know the steps, it's like, yeah, that guy's fucked.

• 22:36Speaker 00

  This feels political now. We're like standing back and we're just agreeing.

• 22:39Matt McCusker?

  I'm telling you, we are, right? Well, that's a great point. That's a great point. I actually agree with that.

• 22:42Speaker 00

  We do have to do something about these healthcare companies.

• 22:45Matt McCusker?

  True. Yeah. And that one guy, you know, he did it.

• 22:48Speaker 00

  Not that much.

• 22:49Matt McCusker?

  That's too much. That was too damn much. That guy is.

• 22:51Speaker 00

  A silencer too is like, it also makes you realize how desensitized we are.

• 22:54Matt McCusker?

  That's pretty pro hitman, dude. Silencers do.

• 22:57Speaker 00

  But you could just buy a silencer.

• 22:58Matt McCusker?

  Can you?

• 22:59Speaker 00

  I, I'm sure somewhere in America, you're telling me you can't?

• 23:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true, true.

• 23:02Speaker 00

  It's not that hard to get a gun here.

• 23:04Matt McCusker?

  I thought they're, yeah, I guess so. Yeah, I guess silencers aren't that illegal.

• 23:07Speaker 00

  I, I don't know.

• 23:08Matt McCusker?

  I mean, they'd have to be illegal. You can't wear a bulletproof vest. If you, if a cop sees you in a bulletproof vest, you can get like, they can stop you. Like, what the fuck?

• 23:13Speaker 00

  I feel like if you're a CEO of a health insurance company, you should get to wear a bulletproof vest for a while. Like a little while.

• 23:19Matt McCusker?

  That's how they say that's the best way to get away with killing somebody is opening the door and as soon as they open, just blast them and walk away. Cause you don't enter the house, you don't leave DNA evidence. But all the cities now are gritted with cameras. Like, you really can't do that.

• 23:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's weird. Like, we're like close to living in like a Minority Report type of world where, you know, it's like, how are you, it's amazing when people get away with murder. Like, that's why that JonBenet thing was so shocking. You know, it was like, in my head, I was like, whoa, I wonder who did it? I forgot they didn't solve it.

• 23:46Matt McCusker?

  Oh yeah, they didn't, did they?

• 23:47Speaker 00

  They didn't solve it. It's so shocking. You watch forensic files. I like the ones where they solve it too. I don't like the true crime where they're just like unsolved murders. It's so unsatisfying. Like there's a piece of shit who got away. But then you watch forensic files and they're like, thanks to DNA, we caught this guy.

• 24:01Matt McCusker?

  Got him every time. Yeah. Also too, whenever I watch that, they don't catch the guy. I'm like, he's definitely right outside my house right now.

• 24:10Speaker 00

  I used to watch those. They'd be marathoning them on the road on like headline news and just be like 40 forensic files in the road. I'd be watching, you know, in some fucking motel on the side of the highway, just like opening my like, oh fuck, why am I doing this to myself? Opening that dumb little curtain. You see meth heads.

• 24:25Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah. I still get scared. I get scared in hotels all the time.

• 24:28Speaker 00

  Really?

• 24:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like I'll just hear like someone else's door bang and I'm half asleep and I'm like, someone's in my room. And I was like, I look around. I'm like, dude, you're such a fucking pussy.

• 24:36Speaker 00

  I was leaving a hotel in Omaha a couple of years ago and there was a guy, it was like 4am, early flight, you know, it was like a 6am flight out. And there was a guy just sitting on the floor in the hallway, just like crying. And I was like, ah, you just don't want to even see, you just like something bad happened.

• 24:50Matt McCusker?

  No, man. Yeah. You don't want to see that at all. That sucks. Would you just walk right by, just wheel your?

• 24:55Speaker 00

  Of course. I'm not dealing with that guy. What do you think? I'm gonna chat him. What happened, buddy? Best case scenario, there's a dead hooker in that room. Something bad happened.

• 25:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. Oh God.

• 25:05Speaker 00

  Or a live one and you need, I don't know. Something bad happened though.

• 25:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. And I was like, go in your room, dude. Don't fucking, this is what they're for. Go cry like everyone else does in your hotel room. Don't sit in the hallway.

• 25:14Speaker 00

  I know. The public crying is, and like in New York, I don't mind it as much because that city's supposed to break you. But when you see it in like a smaller town, you're kind of like, something sinister just occurred.

• 25:23Matt McCusker?

  Omaha, yeah, true. True. Yeah.

• 25:26Speaker 00

  Oh man, Ryan Hamilton, my friend has a joke. It was like, New York's the only city where you just see people openly weeping.

• 25:31Matt McCusker?

  Do you see it a lot there?

• 25:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:33Matt McCusker?

  I, I can see that. I did.

• 25:34Speaker 00

  I guess other cities. I guess Philly too.

• 25:37Matt McCusker?

  Nah, yeah.

• 25:37Speaker 00

  Austin, I think big cities you'll see it.

• 25:39Matt McCusker?

  I did a month sublet in New York, cause I like, thought about moving there like a long time ago. And I was like, man, get the fuck out of here. I went right back to Philadelphia.

• 25:46Speaker 00

  Really?

• 25:47Matt McCusker?

  Oh my, I couldn't do it.

• 25:48Speaker 00

  But how do, Philly to Austin is an interesting move, cause it is, it's such a different pace, you know?

• 25:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Yeah, I just, for me, I had kids. And once like, when I had the kids, I'm like, I wanted to get out of Philly anyway. And then I was like, thinking about moving to like the outside of Philly suburbs. I, I had this like whole, it was, it would've been a bad plan. I was looking at this like plot of land that turned out to be like a floodplain. It was bad. And I was like, I'd be an hour from every airport. And like, there was no way I could do stand up there. I was like, I'll make it work. And then I was talking to Shane, he's like, you wanna go to Austin? I was like, yes, please, that would solve all my problems. Thank you. That'd be the best thing ever. Cause that way it's like a decent quality of life and for like kids and stuff. And you can just do stand up every night, if you want.

• 26:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, the club is good, man. The mothership's cool.

• 26:27Matt McCusker?

  It is good.

• 26:28Speaker 00

  Motherfucking ship. It makes me a little nervous how many people are always there. I don't like to, cause I wanna do new stuff. And I don't wanna just like, you see these people every few months from me, cause I'm visiting, I'm like, I don't want them to see me bombing.

• 26:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 26:40Speaker 00

  I like, I like to bomb in the shadows.

• 26:42Matt McCusker?

  It's true, true. It is an intimidating green room too. And it's like, it's just that long oak table, there's 40 fucking people. And it's like, yeah, I was silent for the first like five months. I would've sit there and just be like.

• 26:52Speaker 00

  It's hardcore. It's like a weird health movement, but also everyone's smoking cigarettes in there.

• 26:57Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 26:58Speaker 00

  I did the smelling salts.

• 26:59Matt McCusker?

  I do, I don't understand.

• 27:00Speaker 00

  I don't know why I did it. Rogan's like, oh yeah, they're good, they'll help you. No one tells me not to put them right to my face. I thought I was dying, cause I've had allergic reactions before. And I was like, I was like, oh, oh. And Joe's like, he's like, are you okay? And I'm like, oh. I'm like, God, I'm such a pussy.

• 27:16Matt McCusker?

  No, it's ammonia. That's right. Your body is, you're just smelling ammonia. And I don't know why everybody does it.

• 27:21Speaker 00

  I saw, I think I saw Josh Allen or some football player do it on TV. And I was like, oh, I should fucking, it'll get me jazzed up for a set. And then I tried it. And I was like, yeah, if you're like a pro athlete, it seems kinda cool, but I, I'm not. I'm a fucking, I'm a, you know, I'm a whiny fuck who just was like, ugh.

• 27:38Matt McCusker?

  There's better ways to get lightheaded. It's all, getting lightheaded is cool, but it's like, you're just, I don't understand. I see dudes back there just ripping them and I'm like, dude, you guys are just telling me you love smelling ammonia like that. Like, just fucking drink some coffee, do anything else.

• 27:50Speaker 00

  Coffee's a move.

• 27:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, do anything, dude.

• 27:52Speaker 00

  I saw a bartender once say to someone, she goes, do you have any Red Bull? He goes, we don't carry Red Bull. You wanna, you want caffeine buzz? We'll give you a coffee. And I was like, wow, the way he said it was so cool. I think about it all the time.

• 28:02Matt McCusker?

  Just keep, keeping the caffeine buzz. He's like, fuck.

• 28:05Speaker 00

  Red Bull.

• 28:05Matt McCusker?

  Bullshit out of my fucking face. I drank a Rockstar last year because I was like tired and I was like, I just, I was at the Super Bowl with Shane. I was like, I was, I was, I don't drink that much. So I was like hungover from the day before. I'm a total pussy.

• 28:18Speaker 00

  Oh, with him, it's impossible not to be hungover.

• 28:21Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I was dying.

• 28:22Speaker 00

  You can't be a casual drinker around Shane. You can't have, you either are sober or you have 14. You can't have two.

• 28:28Matt McCusker?

  There's no middle ground. And I, that night I had like a lot and the next day I'm just struggling. I'm like, ugh. So I was like, let me get a Rockstar. Dude, I thought, I felt like I was on meth. I drank like half a Rockstar and I was like, I gotta go home, guys. And I was like laid in my hotel room like, ugh. I felt terrible.

• 28:42Speaker 00

  Oh dude, I hate them.

• 28:43Matt McCusker?

  I wish somebody stopped me and said, you want a fucking caffeine buzz? Have a coffee.

• 28:48Matt McCusker?

  There's shit in that stuff. I don't know what it is.

• 28:49Speaker 00

  Even gas station coffee I like. I, I, I just like coffee. I, I like the ritual of the coffee, the, the, you know, the, the energy drinks. I remember drinking, you know, when you're a young comic barking and stuff. It was, I need energy. I'll drink a seven hour energy. And I'm like, even then, you're like, this is, we haven't heard from them in a while. Lord knows what the fuck was in that shit.

• 29:08Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Five hour where they do the shot real quick.

• 29:10Speaker 00

  But then it turned into like seven hour. It was like that, something about Mary scene where he's like, six minute abs. And he's just like, what if someone did five? And he's like, no. But they went the other way.

• 29:19Matt McCusker?

  Damn, they bumped up seven minute energy.

• 29:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, that shit, I think it was seven. Wasn't it seven hour energy? I think they kept bumping it up.

• 29:27Matt McCusker?

  That makes sense. It's also, it is a, it is funny to just like, the term energy just got like appropriated into being like, you're just rattling, you're just like hitting yourself with stimulants. It's like, no, I have energy right now. It's like, no, dude, you're just, your fucking brain's wired on stimulants.

• 29:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, I was listening to your podcast where you're talking about, uh, You know, just sleep and how important sleep is.

• 29:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 29:49Speaker 00

  Oh, my God, we do. We'll do anything but the thing we're supposed to do.

• 29:52Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 29:52Speaker 00

  Sleep is the thing.

• 29:54Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I it's I I fought it for a long time because I would get into coffee. I'm like super sensitive to caffeine. So if I drink caffeine in the morning, I'm I for real have seven hour energy.

• 30:02Speaker 00

  But do you take naps during the day ever?

• 30:04Matt McCusker?

  If I drink caffeine, I can't take naps. So what I try to do, I like just white knuckle through a morning, then I won't have coffee, but I will take a nap in the middle of the day. And it's like, dude, you feel so good.

• 30:14Speaker 00

  I've I've never been able to do it.

• 30:16Matt McCusker?

  Oh, I love it.

• 30:17Speaker 00

  I can't. Sometimes I'll just like I'll be so tired that I just fall asleep early or something, but like I dude, I can't nap. I drink too much caffeine.

• 30:23Matt McCusker?

  That's the problem. I if I have caffeine, no nap, or I'll take a fucked up nap where I wake up like, oh, fuck. But it's like, yeah.

• 30:32Speaker 00

  How about the melatonin stuff? I hate that shit.

• 30:34Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I tried it and then someone told me it shrinks your balls and I'm like.

• 30:37Speaker 00

  Really?

• 30:37Matt McCusker?

  They hit me with the yellow five. They're like, yo, you're that stuff shrinks your balls. And I was like, nah, I'm not doing it. So I was taking it on the road.

• 30:43Speaker 00

  Why does it shrink your balls?

• 30:44Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. Andrew Huberman said it. Someone said Andrew Huberman said that. And I was like, all right, fair enough. He's just gotta be right. He's dude, he's gotta know about that.

• 30:52Speaker 00

  He seems like he knows a lot of stuff.

• 30:54Matt McCusker?

  He's using them, bro. So he's gotta know. He's using his balls a lot. So that guy knows he's keyed in on the fucking ball research.

• 31:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, the melatonin gives you nightmares. I feel like, you know.

• 31:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you get. I would take it. I started fucking around with it on the road because I'd be like, you know, I'd be different time zones. I get off stage and as soon as I get back to my room to swallow melatonin, wishing it was just cyanide, just right into my throat. And I would like sit there and read a book and all of a sudden you do get like really heavy.

• 31:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:19Matt McCusker?

  Have you ever taken it before?

• 31:20Speaker 00

  Melatonin?

• 31:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 31:22Speaker 00

  I, yeah, I have. I have like a powder, this stuff I try sometimes called Beam and it's like.

• 31:27Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 31:27Speaker 00

  It's got all kinds. It's got magnesium, all this stuff.

• 31:29Matt McCusker?

  Podcast sponsors.

• 31:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, they send it to me and I and I they sponsored the pod.

• 31:32Matt McCusker?

  I had it too.

• 31:33Speaker 00

  And I and I was like, I started buying it because they I was like, give me some more of it though. Like they pulled their sponsorship. I was like, fuck it. I'll buy it like an adult.

• 31:40Matt McCusker?

  Strung out like Elvis, dude.

• 31:42Speaker 00

  But uh, yeah, no, I, so that, but I would get nightmares. I would wake up like sweaty and like, what the fuck? I have nightmares every night and I'd be like, that can't be good sleep.

• 31:50Matt McCusker?

  No, yeah, yeah, that's, I took it one time, like, I was like, I'll just take it at like fucking 6pm, just get like ready for the sleep. I didn't realize how hard that shit hits you. I did the same thing, the bean powder. And I was like getting something for my kid and I was like, what the fuck? And it just like hit me out of nowhere and I was like, oh shit. But yeah, I uh, it does, the melatonin works, but yeah, it's one of those things where it's like, it's just a-

• 32:10Speaker 00

  But does it work? Cause they're like, we're not feeling refreshed, right?

• 32:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, well, I was like tracking, I was like psycho tracking my sleep at the time and I would get like more deep sleep from it, but I-

• 32:19Speaker 00

  Really?

• 32:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but it's like addictive dude. Then like, next thing you know, every night I'm like, I should take a little melatonin tonight. And I was just like, but I've, I've heard that it's not um, when they say like two, three milligrams, five milligrams, it could be like anywhere from like 25 to one. Like it's way off.

• 32:35Speaker 00

  How the fuck do they get away with it?

• 32:37Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. It's like, who the hell's going back and forth and analyzing it? So, and they could say like these products in like tiny print, like may or may, uh, but I've heard that. That's also from the-

• 32:45Speaker 00

  And Tiny, hate, hate Tiny Print.

• 32:47Matt McCusker?

  I know, it's fucking-

• 32:48Speaker 00

  So they fuck you.

• 32:48Matt McCusker?

  It's fucking bullshit, but yeah.

• 32:50Speaker 00

  Fuck you every time.

• 32:50Matt McCusker?

  Apparently, Hubes is way against melatonin. And then I heard the thing about like being 20 milli, I'm like, eh, whatever. And he's like, it shrinks your balls. I'm like that. Say less, brother.

• 32:59Speaker 00

  Are smaller balls that bad though? Who cares?

• 33:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but it's, you don't want to get them shrunk in. That's the problem. It's like, what the fuck? You just, anything that can shrink your ball, it isn't that big of a problem when you think about it, but like, just having them-

• 33:10Speaker 00

  Hey, your dick's looking a little bigger, you know?

• 33:12Matt McCusker?

  That's actually, yeah.

• 33:13Speaker 00

  There's some, there's some stuff going on.

• 33:14Matt McCusker?

  You're sleeping great.

• 33:15Speaker 00

  You're sleeping well.

• 33:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's not a bad point.

• 33:17Speaker 00

  But they, but there is something about them being, it feels less manly, I guess. Big balls is a good thing, that's what they say.

• 33:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, exactly. And it just, there's something about it, something you're eating, shrinking your ball. Like dude, the yellow five, as soon as I found out about that, I was terrified back in the day. Like, yeah, you know that shit-

• 33:31Speaker 00

  What's the yellow five?

• 33:32Matt McCusker?

  Never heard of the yellow five shrink your balls?

• 33:34Speaker 00

  What's that?

• 33:34Matt McCusker?

  It's just a food dye. It's like the yellow five food dye, or whatever the fuck it was called, but they were like, bro-

• 33:39Speaker 00

  You're best off just eat, eating as naturally as possible. Like, you know, we're, that's the thing. Like when you, when you travel for work and you're waking up at weird hours, like you're eating weird.

• 33:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 33:47Speaker 00

  You're sleeping badly. Like it, it just adds up. You just-

• 33:51Matt McCusker?

  She's usually shitting, not the best either.

• 33:52Speaker 00

  Oof, a bad gas station shit. There's something about that where you're like, alright. There's something dark.

• 33:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, especially the worst the bathroom looks to just shitting in it. You're just like, dude, how did I get here? This is terrible. Someone definitely just shot up.

• 34:06Speaker 00

  Oh, everything's like a little less healthy when you go like in in in New York, you can eat pretty, pretty healthy, but then the diner's been destroyed in New York because the, you know, rent is so damn expensive. So you're like, I just spent $22 on three scrambled eggs.

• 34:20Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 34:20Speaker 00

  It's insane. But then you go on the road and just the little things that you don't think about where you're like, all right, they put like a fucking bucket of butter on my toast.

• 34:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 34:28Speaker 00

  You know, this is like the hash browns a little crispier. Everything tastes great, but you're like, man, I don't have the energy I had after this meal that I normally have.

• 34:36Matt McCusker?

  No, dude, I get I I fucking I'm almost prediabetic now. I was traveling a lot, eating out. I thought I was pretty healthy.

• 34:42Speaker 00

  You look healthy. You look like you look like a gym guy.

• 34:45Matt McCusker?

  Ah, dude, I was going. I was working out and everything, but I was eating so much food when I was like, it's like, dude, I'm like getting the restaurant.

• 34:51Speaker 00

  Because you need something. You need a win on the road. Sometimes you have a bad set or something, or you're like, just like the anxiety.

• 34:57Matt McCusker?

  You need to do so. I need to do something somewhat self destructive. And it's like, you know,

• 35:01Speaker 00

  and you don't drink and you don't do drugs.

• 35:03Matt McCusker?

  And I have not cheated on my wife. So I'm like, that's I'm left with nothing but overeating. So I'm like, well, I have to overeat. So I would just pig out and like, dude, I just.

• 35:11Speaker 00

  That's a for all the vices you have, though, as long as you don't go diabetic, but like, that's not the worst.

• 35:16Matt McCusker?

  Well, now I get to reverse it. Now I get to have a health journey where I can be like, guys, I, you know, I was at 5.7 A1C. Now I'm gonna try to get down. I kind of was happy to learn about that. I was like, oh, cool. This is like a cool thing now.

• 35:26Speaker 00

  It's another chapter.

• 35:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, exactly. It's like something I can do. And if I can actually get it down under control, that'll be kind of fun to be like, I got mine down. 5.7 is the beginning range of prediabetes. Like, I'm at the door. I'm on the doorstep.

• 35:38Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 35:38Matt McCusker?

  My dad has.

• 35:39Speaker 00

  Don't go in.

• 35:40Matt McCusker?

  I know that's what I'm, dude, I have.

• 35:41Speaker 00

  Your dad is type two?

• 35:42Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 35:43Speaker 00

  Is he overweight or no?

• 35:44Matt McCusker?

  He was. He's like lost. Yeah, he's got like a beer belly, but he also like, dude, he like, I worked with him for a while and we would do, he was demolition. And we would on the way home from work, he would drink a milkshake every day. That's how he rocked. It was like four soft pretzels and a milkshake every day on the way home. And I'm like, dude, I'm just eating too much rice. How the fuck am I prediabetic? This is bullshit. This is fucking nonsense.

• 36:03Speaker 00

  A milkshake. I haven't had one of those in fucking forever.

• 36:06Matt McCusker?

  I I've never seen anyone do that because we were doing a thing where you burn steel and it was, um. Forget that galvanized steel, so it's coated in zinc, which like, I don't know, protects it against rust or something. So when you burn the steel, there was this thing, they'd be like, yeah, you gotta get your calcium. So it's like calcium somehow traps zinc. This was all like, like-

• 36:24Speaker 00

  So that turned into a milkshake?

• 36:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, then he was like, we need milkshakes. It's like, so we're healthy, we can stay-

• 36:29Speaker 00

  This will help, McFlurry's will help us if we, I think the last time I had one, we had Bill Burr on our podcast, and we, it's a drinking pod, so we were like, Norman's like, he doesn't drink, we should do, he likes milkshakes. And I'm like, alright, so we're like, we gotta get Bill Burr in a good mood. So it was like, uh, milkshakes and cigars was the trick.

• 36:45Matt McCusker?

  That's kinda nice, actually.

• 36:46Speaker 00

  And it was, it was a fucking great combo.

• 36:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's awesome.

• 36:49Speaker 00

  I mean, of course, two nice things, of course, they, you know, but they don't always work together, you know?

• 36:54Matt McCusker?

  They never. I don't think anyone, besides my dad, actually does milkshakes and cigars.

• 36:57Speaker 00

  It was nice.

• 36:58Matt McCusker?

  It is awesome. How do you like that?

• 37:00Speaker 00

  He was in a good mood.

• 37:01Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 37:01Speaker 00

  We were, we were, he, you know, you just don't wanna rattle him, he's Bill Burr, so you just-

• 37:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:05Speaker 00

  But at first, we were like, uh, you know, he was like, um, this time to this time, I have a hard out, like, whatever you need. We had a friend waiting in the hallway to do the next episode, and then at like, you know, 4:15, his out was four, we were like, we gotta get out of here, right? He's like, no, I don't. He's just like hanging out, we're like, alright, I gotta text from Mateo Lane, like, it's fine, don't worry about it.

• 37:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's cool.

• 37:23Speaker 00

  It's Bill Burr, you know?

• 37:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, that would suck, just absolutely drawing his ire and just having him just be like, fuck you.

• 37:30Speaker 00

  Fucking asshole.

• 37:31Matt McCusker?

  How's your milkshake, Bill? I just wanted you to have fun.

• 37:32Speaker 00

  If you wanna piss him off, just tell him the, the Patriot Super Bowl doesn't count, where Marshawn Lynch should've run it.

• 37:39Matt McCusker?

  That's a good point.

• 37:40Speaker 00

  He screamed at me for like 15 minutes straight.

• 37:42Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 37:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:43Matt McCusker?

  You could get him on the vax, too. He's super, he's super, um, freaked out on the vax, that'd be fun. But you got fucking vax, you bitch. That would, that would-

• 37:51Speaker 00

  That would piss him off?

• 37:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that would get anybody.

• 37:52Speaker 00

  I'm not looking to piss him off.

• 37:54Matt McCusker?

  No, I wouldn't either.

• 37:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:55Matt McCusker?

  I would never call him Bill Fiesbue.

• 37:59Matt McCusker?

  But no, that's, I would not want that guy on my ass, that would suck.

• 38:01Speaker 00

  No.

• 38:02Matt McCusker?

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• 38:37Matt McCusker?

  Still classic, I'm going classic right now. Code red sometimes if I'm getting freaky, but right now it is, uh, in the Mountain Dew classic. Verbage to use, uh, great tasting, refreshing, has a citrus kick, variety of flavors, bold flavors, helps you connect with others, is a treat, helps you celebrate, helps you express yourself, helps you take a break. Are you guys not convinced yet? You just read all those fucking words? Helps you connect with others and express yourself. Talk about what game and activity you play with friends, dudes. Look. Yeah, I've told you guys a hundred times, I don't know why I gotta keep talking about what I do. That's my personal life, what I do with my friends when we drink Mountain Dew. But, um, lately, guys, we play a lot of games, but lately we've just been skipping all the games

• 39:22Matt McCusker?

  and just straight up hooking up, alright? I'll be honest, me and my friends have been hooking up after we drink Mountain Dew. Ha ha, the mountain is calling and you should answer. Grab your friends, grab an ice cold Mountain Dew wherever refreshing beverages are sold, and do the fucking do. Alright. Does BlueChew work? If you're asking that question, we want you to know that BlueChew is putting their money where their mouth is by giving you a month free. BlueChew is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, but at a fraction of the cost in an chewable form. The process is simple. Sign up at BlueChew.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days.

• 40:04Matt McCusker?

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• 40:49Matt McCusker?

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• 41:33Matt McCusker?

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• 42:18Matt McCusker?

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• 43:03Matt McCusker?

  $5 lineup. PrizePix, run your game. The holidays are about connecting with loved ones, and there's no better way to do that than with a digital picture frame from Aura. Wirecutter called it "the best digital photo frame." That's so fucking crazy, the Wirecutter nod. And it's easy to see why. You can upload your favorite pics of family to one frame and relive all those happy moments again. Or share the big news, like a new addition, maybe? What pictures do you and your family love sharing? It could be cute selfies, vacation pics, or funny photos. I mean, that is really nice. I love the show. I try to get dressed up really cute and show my wife and say, "Hey, check me out. Do you wanna suck me or fucking what?"

• 43:48Matt McCusker?

  Woo, are you going to give this gift frame to? Definitely my mom. I'm gonna give this gift to my mommy. And if that's not personal enough, you can even upload a video message to play on the frames as soon as they plug it in. So the first thing they hear is your voice and how much you love them, or the ISIS beheading video you want to send your mom. Save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off Aura's best-selling Carver Matte Frames by using promo code MSSP at checkout. That's A-U-R-A, Frames.com, promo code MSSP. This deal is exclusive to listeners, so get yours now in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions do apply. That would fucking suck. Dude, you were talking about bathrooms. I read a thing today saying, uh, there's, now they're saying you gotta check.

• 44:33Matt McCusker?

  If you're at like a public bathroom, you gotta open the thing and look into the toilet roll, cause people are using like, you know, IV, using like needles for drugs. Heroin or whatever are taking their syringe and just like sticking it using that paper towel roll to like clean off the needle and he showed a picture and it was just like little poke holes with just blood like little like blood spots everywhere.

• 44:53Speaker 00

  That sucks because you already don't want to shit in a public restroom.

• 44:56Matt McCusker?

  I know dude.

• 44:57Speaker 00

  And now you gotta worry about a needle.

• 44:58Matt McCusker?

  Dude, yeah, for real. And I don't know why the guy was like, women should be more concerned than men. It's like, alright, I'll take it, but it's like, yeah.

• 45:06Speaker 00

  No, I'm not thrilled either. What the hell?

• 45:08Matt McCusker?

  But it's like, dude, yeah, so I don't know what the rationale, maybe vaginas absorb, I don't know, but it's like.

• 45:12Speaker 00

  Well, I'm, I'm doing the tour bus for the whole thing. So it's a lot of public restroom shitting.

• 45:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 45:16Speaker 00

  Because you're like, you know, you can't poop on that bus.

• 45:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 45:19Speaker 00

  You're not allowed to. So next day, you know, either the rec center, we go a little play a little ball or we, you know.

• 45:25Matt McCusker?

  That's kinda nice.

• 45:25Speaker 00

  Go to get, yeah, poop there or you poop at the.

• 45:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, open the thing and just look, even if you don't see blood, but if you see little poke holes, that means people were cleaning their needles off in the, you know, maybe it's some internet bullshit, but I saw the picture. I was like, that actually does make sense.

• 45:37Speaker 00

  It bugs me too that these like heroin addicts are like worried about germs.

• 45:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 45:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, like fuck, just do heroin, you fucking pussy.

• 45:44Matt McCusker?

  Be a man. Also, yeah, it's like you're worried about germs if you're taking toilet paper, toilet paper roll, like let me clean this off.

• 45:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, that annoys me.

• 45:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was funny in Philly when they gave, um, you know, there's like, you've seen the thing of like Kensington Avenue where it's like just K and A and there's guys like everyone's standing outside. Did you ever see like that shit on YouTube?

• 46:02Speaker 00

  What is it?

• 46:02Matt McCusker?

  And Kensington Ave in Philadelphia, it's like one of the biggest heroin markets, like I think in the country. It's like Skid Row. It's not as big as Skid Row, but it is just the people outside tents, like zombified, standing out there.

• 46:14Speaker 00

  It'll shock you that, I mean, this country, man, like everywhere, every downtown now has that.

• 46:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, except for Irvine. I was just in Irvine recently. They have zero homeless people.

• 46:21Speaker 00

  They got rid of them all.

• 46:22Matt McCusker?

  They do. They, in Irvine, they offer you a bed and if you say no to the bed, they put you on a bus and they're like, out of here, to LA. I swear, that's like, that's their policy.

• 46:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, Rudy Giuliani did that back in the day in New York.

• 46:32Matt McCusker?

  Did he really?

• 46:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, they got rid of the homeless people.

• 46:34Matt McCusker?

  Well, they just gave.

• 46:35Speaker 00

  Sent him on a train.

• 46:36Matt McCusker?

  To where?

• 46:37Speaker 00

  I think to the west coast.

• 46:38Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 46:39Speaker 00

  So he probably sent him to Irvine and then they were like, you go back that way. Probably what happened. Yeah, no, that's, uh, even in like downtown Salt Lake, I was, you know, you, you're walking by like, holy shit, this is crazy.

• 46:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, I would. This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

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• 47:12Matt McCusker?

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• 47:32Speaker 00

  Incredible.

• 47:32Matt McCusker?

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• 47:37Speaker 00

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• 47:38Matt McCusker?

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• 48:22Matt McCusker?

  including omega-3 fish oil and vitamin D3 plus K2 with your first subscription to AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/secretpod. Yeah, but dude, the, uh, they, oh, it's funny, in Salt Lake, I was there at a farmer's market, uh, like last year, and I was talking to this guy who was like, he was campaigning for mayor. Yeah, I think he'd been mayor before and stopped. He's like, they need me back. And I was like, the park was beautiful. I was like, dude, this is awesome here. And he was like, well, yeah, there was homeless people here and like, they got cleared out, uh, right before the farmer's market. And I was kinda hitting him with like, that's what's up. And he was like, no, it's actually an injustice. And this is why I'm running. I was like, oh shit, my bad. Fuck, my bad, dude. It's really sad. They took the prescription medication and kicked them out. And I was like, oh.

• 49:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, but look at these avocados. This is such a nice.

• 49:05Matt McCusker?

  I did hit him with that. I was like, you gotta be honest, dude, though. It is way better. I was like, just on a, you know, a level of just enjoyment. It is kinda sweet that they're up here right now. And he was like, whatever.

• 49:15Speaker 00

  He wouldn't give that to you.

• 49:16Matt McCusker?

  He was just kinda like, he was just kinda like, alright, alright. But I was like, bro. I was like, it's nice you're defending them, you know, I get their tents taken up. But I am, and I think it'd be sad if I saw that part, but the aftermath is nice.

• 49:26Speaker 00

  It is weird too that these tents are being used for that. Like, you know, the guy who designed the tents were like, this is good for camping. You're gonna go in a nice thing. And then you just get people with needles like, oh, fuck.

• 49:36Matt McCusker?

  That's true. You would think, yeah, the thing about like the love of nature and you're out, you're like hunting and living off the land. It is mostly just like emaciated human beings like selling each other for sex and

• 49:45Speaker 00

  It sucks, man, and

• 49:46Matt McCusker?

  It's getting a lot of dying in them. A lot of people dying in those tents.

• 49:50Speaker 00

  It's getting worse, man. You go around although you just find areas where you're like these, there are so many people unwell that you're like, yeah, it's not going to get better anytime soon.

• 50:01Matt McCusker?

  No, dude, and imagine like, I mean, no one's getting really born. Is anyone born into homelessness now? Or do they just like, what do they do with you then? I guess they take your kid.

• 50:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 50:09Matt McCusker?

  I didn't think about the homeless babies.

• 50:10Speaker 00

  You don't see a lot of homeless kids in the street.

• 50:11Matt McCusker?

  You don't. Just the adults.

• 50:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:13Matt McCusker?

  I think they take you. If you're, if they see you as a homeless kid, no Oliver twists. If they see you as like a homeless, a young homeless kid, I think they're like, get the fuck out of here.

• 50:20Speaker 00

  I would, I would hope.

• 50:21Matt McCusker?

  Cause I'm just waiting like, cause if that becomes like a permanent class in America, that's when I'm kind of like seeing like, where do they go from there?

• 50:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, the new thing that demolition man like predicted everything and it's like the sewer people that might be next. You're like, fuck all these.

• 50:34Matt McCusker?

  Well, there are people who do live on like, who do live in like little catacombs and under bridges and stuff. And I heard Germany now they have a crack epidemic in Germany. It's crazy. You know, everything, everything, nothing goes away. They just come back. Now Germans are dealing with like a hard, like 1980s crack epidemic.

• 50:47Speaker 00

  Oh shit, like that's, it sounds so vintage to us, but yeah.

• 50:50Matt McCusker?

  To them.

• 50:52Speaker 00

  Crack in Germany. And that was like the one place in Europe I didn't go and I was so bummed because I feel like, I feel like Berlin is supposed to be sick and I've never, yeah, I would, I was bummed I couldn't make that one work.

• 51:05Matt McCusker?

  How is stand up in Europe? They all speak English. Is it fun?

• 51:08Speaker 00

  You know what's funny? It's my worst set. I killed last year in London and then this time I just was like, I think it was my worst show there. You know, I hit like Belfast, Dublin, Pa- Paris wasn't amazing. Uh, I mean, the city's amazing. This like the stand up is whatever. Pa- Paris is meh. That's my, no. And then, uh, what else? Oh, uh, Amsterdam, Copenhagen, Stockholm and, uh,

• 51:34Speaker 00

  And Oslo were all incredible.

• 51:36Matt McCusker?

  That's cra- that blows my mind. They can all like, listen to stand up. I'm all, I just assume, like, there's no way these guys.

• 51:41Speaker 00

  You would have a lot of fans over there.

• 51:42Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy.

• 51:43Speaker 00

  It's amazing. And they're, uh.

• 51:45Matt McCusker?

  That's nuts.

• 51:45Speaker 00

  It's, look, you know, some, some places like, blow you away. You're like, wow, I moved more tickets than I expected here. And then some, you're like, nah, it's a light show, but even though light shows were pretty damn good.

• 51:53Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome. I guess they're pretty happy you're in another, you know, they're in another country and like.

• 51:57Speaker 00

  Fucking beautiful.

• 51:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, just some fucked up.

• 51:58Speaker 00

  But it is funny when you run into a fan on the, on the street that like, out of there. I saw a guy in, in Dublin and he was like, oh my God, you're here. I was like, oh, what's up, man? And he go, I, I, he goes, are you doing a show tonight? And I was like, ah, yeah, yeah. I go, I was like, yeah, I think there's still a couple of tickets available. And he was like, huh. Like, I was like, oh, he's not gonna come. Like, I really, like, what are the odds I run into a fan in the, an American fan in another country? And he's like, nah, I'm good.

• 52:23Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 52:24Speaker 00

  I was like, well, all right.

• 52:25Matt McCusker?

  All right, dude, that's cool. Yeah, that is, that would be cool to be, to be in another country and like, oh, that's crazy. People are like, hey, man, what's going on? You're like, what the fuck?

• 52:32Speaker 00

  They do a double take, cause they're like, why are you here?

• 52:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 52:35Speaker 00

  But, you know, it's like, have you done Australia yet?

• 52:37Matt McCusker?

  I did. I did. I opened for Shane in Australia.

• 52:40Speaker 00

  It's pretty cool.

• 52:40Matt McCusker?

  It was cool. It's just the flight is fucking brutal, dude. It fucks you up for like, forever.

• 52:45Speaker 00

  It, the way back fucks you up worse.

• 52:47Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 52:47Speaker 00

  Like, they're going there, it's like, I just drugged myself.

• 52:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 52:50Speaker 00

  A few muscle relaxers, a couple of glasses of wine. I'm like, I'm fucking good out. But then on the way back, I was like, I'm bad for like, a week.

• 52:57Matt McCusker?

  I was fucked up, dude. I had like, I had kids. I like, just, that was like when they were really like, even younger. So I like, we did a show the last night, got home at like, maybe two or three, woke up at five for the airport. I don't think, I don't think I really even slept. And then just, I was, I can't really sleep on planes that well. So if I slept on the way back, maybe for an hour or two, I was awake for the most of it. And then got dropped off at the Newark airport and then had to drive, this was in Philly. I was awake for basically 24 hours and then had to just drive from Newark to Philly.

• 53:26Speaker 00

  Oof.

• 53:27Matt McCusker?

  And my wife, who was like, finally you're back, you know, all that shit.

• 53:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, you don't, you don't walk into a happy room there either.

• 53:32Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 53:33Speaker 00

  I see that with, with Gary, cause you know, who I tour with, he's got a family and, and I don't. So I, I'm seeing, he's like, you know, she's like, you didn't FaceTime me. I'm like, oh my God, I'm just fucking. Dude, I'm having a lower pressure.

• 53:45Matt McCusker?

  Watching your kids cry through FaceTime while you're in a hotel room while your wife is just like huffing.

• 53:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:51Matt McCusker?

  Is, might be, it's hell. It's the fucking worst. Like, ah, you're sitting there like, hey, guys. Trying to tell you, well, maybe you should talk a little nicer, maybe. It's terrible. It's actually, it's really bad. It's one of the saddest things of like, when you travel for stand-up. Then eventually, as they get older, it becomes a little better, but like, when they're like, little and you're, yeah, just like.

• 54:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, and you feel powerless.

• 54:13Matt McCusker?

  Ah, you just feel awful, dude. You're like, why am I doing this? This sucks. But, you know, then you get it. But then, the thing I always tell myself.

• 54:18Speaker 00

  It's a good example to work, too, you know, for your kids. Like, you're doing your.

• 54:22Matt McCusker?

  That's the thing.

• 54:22Speaker 00

  You followed your dream and it worked out and, and your kids will see that when they grow up. And that's a cool thing, too.

• 54:28Matt McCusker?

  That, and that, well, that's what I tell my kids. I say, guys, I know you don't like when I go away, but if I were to stay here and do another job, I would kill myself. So, do you want me to kill myself? You guys want your father to kill himself? Because it would be your fault.

• 54:38Speaker 00

  We got you a babysitter. His name's Jared Fogle.

• 54:42Matt McCusker?

  But it is true. You do have to, there is like, because I'd be like, I should be around more, but I know if I had like a, a job that I hated, I would just be miserable in the house. So, it's like, what's the matter of having, you know? Kind of someone who's traveling a little bit and happy in the house, or someone who's there every day, like, ugh.

• 54:57Speaker 00

  And you're, and you got this going, so you have other things going on. I, I think you said a good, I, I hate it more from female comics, because I think women are expected to be like the, you know, I, the mom should be there. The mom shouldn't be traveling. And I know, you know, some female comics who have babies or young kids, and they're just like, you know, Rachel Feinstein is one of my best friends, and she was like, you know, if I, that, he could, he could go to work, like, whenever, he could do, like, all these 24-hour shifts. I leave for, like, a spot. They're like, they treat me like I'm Casey Anthony, you know? So, it's like.

• 55:27Matt McCusker?

  How, yeah, well, and the baby's really young. It, it's like a biological reality that they do need the mom, like, they need the mom more. You can bottle-feed them and stuff like that. But, yeah, that's, dude, the mother guilt is like 50 million times worse. And, yeah, you are sure.

• 55:40Speaker 00

  You were in there. You were in her.

• 55:42Matt McCusker?

  Exactly.

• 55:43Speaker 00

  I mean, there is that, you know.

• 55:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. There, there's a connection. Yeah, it's a real connection. There's actually, now I've read in Sweden, um, man, the headlines are really working in my favor today. They're actually applying to everything. But the, uh, there's a movement now called Soft Girl. There's like Soft Girls now they're called. So like there's women who are now rejecting the workforce and be like, no, I'm a soft girl. So either a boss, I was like, what is the fuck's it called?

• 56:04Speaker 00

  This is in Sweden.

• 56:05Matt McCusker?

  Soft woman. Yeah, they call them soft woman's because you're either a boss lady or a soft woman. And now there's people embracing this soft woman lifestyle where they're like, yeah, work sucks. I'm becoming just like a pure stay at home soft woman.

• 56:17Speaker 00

  Well, that it would originate in Sweden because they're just so fucking liberal there. So it's like, that's what that's where they'll try out. It's like, like this is what we'll try out, the liberal idea. And if it takes flight, it'll move over to like the other Scandinavian countries, then make its way here. Yeah, like that's, that's where you debut it.

• 56:32Matt McCusker?

  Well, they, I think they went, well, that's more, there's more like liberal boss ladies. If you're like a boss lady was like, I'm going to kick ass at work. Don't even ask me to do anything around the house. It's fucking bullshit, blah, blah, blah. But now there's a lot of women being like, yeah, this kind of sucks having a job. Like it's not as cool as I thought.

• 56:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think, you know, a lot of people, they identify as what their job is.

• 56:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 56:55Speaker 00

  They're like, that's how they describe themselves. I'm a, I'm a this.

• 56:58Matt McCusker?

  Well, that's my thing is like, if you're in a, if you're in a two income household and your husband makes enough and you're still working, that's when I start to question, I'm like, dude, it's one thing if you're like running a fucking company. You know, you're a boss lady, but like women are like, I choose to work and they're like a team associate for like Verizon. It's fucking why?

• 57:15Speaker 00

  But what if the, what if there's like a shady, what if there's like a prenup and the marriage doesn't work out? Then you're kind of just like relying on him forever.

• 57:21Matt McCusker?

  That's true. That's true. And then he can like take your cell phone and like get into there's, there are those guys who do that. That makes sense. That does make sense.

• 57:27Speaker 00

  I think it's good to have your own thing, you know?

• 57:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 57:30Speaker 00

  I'm, I'm more attracted to women who have their own thing going on.

• 57:33Matt McCusker?

  I like soft lady. I like soft girl.

• 57:35Speaker 00

  You, you want a girl that just waits for you?

• 57:36Matt McCusker?

  Waits. Yeah. Soft girl. No, I don't, I don't care. If a woman works, I don't care. It is a, I just think there is something like, I don't know, man. I, I, I do think there's, I do think there's something sad to have it put in a woman's head that like, if they're not working, they're somehow like sold out their entire species and they're like, they're brainwashed. It's like, that working sucks too.

• 57:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. No, I don't, I don't think that way.

• 57:57Matt McCusker?

  But I hear you. It is nice. I will say there is something nice to, uh,

• 58:00Speaker 00

  I just don't like the idea of a woman waiting around for me. Like, like she doesn't do anything and then she's like, where have you been? Like, I don't like that energy.

• 58:07Matt McCusker?

  Uh, that's totally true.

• 58:08Speaker 00

  I like her to have other shit like that she's got to deal with. I like, it's good to have other things.

• 58:13Matt McCusker?

  You're right. No, you are right because I would say that is the downfall of a soft girl, whatever the fuck they're called. The where are you text increased by 500%. Once you go from a boss lady to a soft girl, it's like there's nothing, just dishing off where are you.

• 58:26Speaker 00

  I swear to God, when you said soft girl, I thought it was gonna be like some like a trans like man, but like the penis doesn't work. I really thought cause like, cause Sweden is so fucking liberal. I was like, it's gonna be something like that, but.

• 58:38Matt McCusker?

  Well, dude, it is. There is something, uh, well, apparently, yeah, Sweden is the most liberal place and that's why they're kind of like, like what the fuck's going on? Cause a lot of women now, they're like, all right, we set, we like laid the path. Jordan Peterson talks about this. He laid the path for gender equality. And there's like, they have more people than ever who are like, fuck that. I'm just gonna stay at home and be a traditional wife. Which, whatever.

• 58:58Speaker 00

  But that's also there, you know, that's, I guess it's weird if you had a male friend who would do that, like, I'm just gonna like hang out. Cause I have a friend like that and he's hits, he hits me up for money and I'm like, dude, just fucking do something.

• 59:10Matt McCusker?

  Do something, yeah.

• 59:11Speaker 00

  He's trying.

• 59:12Matt McCusker?

  Is he a soft dad or is he like?

• 59:13Speaker 00

  No, he just dude, he fucked it. He had this woman who like was a hard worker and doing, and she like, wanted to have a family with him and he was just like, nah, I'm good. And he's just like a single dude now. I'm like, dude, you really misplayed your hand here.

• 59:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 59:27Speaker 00

  Now I'm getting like Venmo requests from him. I'm like, dude, come on. $60. You gotta get your life together.

• 59:33Matt McCusker?

  That's true. Now there is, you did make a strong case for a boss lady, cause it is true. You do want kind of someone who has their own thing going on or else they're gonna be fucking bugging you.

• 59:41Speaker 00

  I just think it's nice. You have another thing. It's just like, you know, it could be anything. It doesn't have to be like a crazy, but just have something else. Cause you don't, look at the divorce rate. Nothing, I mean, you hope things work out, but.

• 59:52Matt McCusker?

  No, it's about 50. I think we just came down from 50 to like 48%.

• 59:57Speaker 00

  Really?

• 59:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 59:57Speaker 00

  So that's all right.

• 59:58Matt McCusker?

  It's high. It's still pretty fucking high, dude.

• 1:00:00Speaker 00

  But that's, you know. 50, 50. There's, there's a reason people are getting less. Why is that?

• 1:00:06Matt McCusker?

  Wait, getting divorced less?

• 1:00:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, 2% is something, right?

• 1:00:10Matt McCusker?

  That's pretty good, yeah.

• 1:00:11Speaker 00

  That's true. You said 48 instead of 50. I thought it was.

• 1:00:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it went down a little bit. It went down a little bit. It's all geographically.

• 1:00:17Speaker 00

  I think abortion went down slightly, too.

• 1:00:18Matt McCusker?

  Did it really?

• 1:00:19Speaker 00

  Yeah. Maybe people are just being, maybe people are just being a little safer. Who knows?

• 1:00:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, or, yeah, I wonder, I wonder, because it's, uh, the saddest divorces I've seen are when like, people don't even hate each other at the end, when they're just kinda like, huh.

• 1:00:31Speaker 00

  It ran its course.

• 1:00:32Matt McCusker?

  It's just, yeah, when two people just like, lose all passion for each other and just go like.

• 1:00:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, you think you're gonna have like a season four Carmella Tony blowout on The Sopranos, but then at the end you're just like, eh.

• 1:00:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I've always thought.

• 1:00:44Speaker 00

  It's dead.

• 1:00:44Matt McCusker?

  I always thought that was the saddest, like, version. You hear people like, yeah, we just, one day we looked at each other and we're like, nah, it was pretty mutual and peaceful. I'm like, that sucks. You'd want it to be like tears.

• 1:00:53Speaker 00

  But if you have kids, that's what you need. Because the bad ones, you've seen those where you're like, holy shit, they just hate each other. I've seen people who stay together who fucking hate each other, and that's, that makes me sad, too.

• 1:01:02Matt McCusker?

  That's bad.

• 1:01:03Speaker 00

  Because you're just like, you hate going home. That friend who will stay out with you all night, and you're like, man, this person rocks, and you're like, oh, they're deeply unhappy. That's why they're still drinking with me. Like, you're just like so grateful that like, this person wants to party, but, but they hate their home life.

• 1:01:18Matt McCusker?

  That's true. That is the one thing where, you know, when the divorce rate is at 40%, it's like, yeah, a lot of marriages, like, just growing up, you see, you're like, damn, these guys hate each other. So that is a sad thing, too, to like, it, it, there's no easy way, because it is gonna be stressful, but it's like, yeah, when do you throw in towels? Like, a weird question. Mostly women initiate divorce.

• 1:01:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:01:38Matt McCusker?

  It's mostly women who initiate it, which is like, it's, I've always been struck by that, but it's like.

• 1:01:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, maybe women put more stock in happiness. I think dudes are kinda more comfortable being miserable.

• 1:01:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 1:01:49Speaker 00

  Women are like, am I happy? Like, they're quite, they're more introspective. I think women question things more than we do. Like, I, I'm happy to just go through life being like, I need a joke, I need this, you know? But then every once in a while, when you like, face your feelings, you're like, oh my god, like, it'll, it'll scare, because women are just like, trained to deal with their feelings.

• 1:02:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, all the time.

• 1:02:06Speaker 00

  And we're not, so when I, you know, I'm just like, I'm like, I don't, I'm feeling something I don't like. Whiskey, please, you know, just like, I'll just, I'll just bottle it up. But, you know, that's not good either.

• 1:02:16Matt McCusker?

  They're incommunicado all the times with each other about like, what's stressing them, what's going, and they, they are good about that, but sometimes it can be too much where I'm like, dude. Well, you're invalidating my feelings. They're dumb. They don't apply to the problem. They're just getting in our way. Turn it off now, cram it down, and fucking deal.

• 1:02:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:33Matt McCusker?

  But you're, you know, you are kind of right. I think they, uh, they, they, I've, I've talked about this before, but one time I was with my wife and she, she was like freaking out where it's like bedtime. She was just like panicking. I could hear her breathing weird. I'm like, what's the matter? And she was like, I don't know. I'm like, just tell me what's wrong. Dude, she listed a rapid fire response of like six problems at once that had like sub problems about like this person. And then I was just like, stop right now. It, it was so fast and it was just like.

• 1:02:58Speaker 00

  It's so organized.

• 1:02:59Matt McCusker?

  Yes. It was like this interconnected web of like this person, that, and this happened. And then they thought this and that. And I was just like, yeah, I was like, all right. I don't ever want to glimpse into that ever again. But I was like, that's, I feel for you.

• 1:03:08Speaker 00

  Was it a work problem or just like a home problem?

• 1:03:11Matt McCusker?

  I don't even remember. It was more of like a friend group slash work thing that she was freaking out. Oh dude, it was like.

• 1:03:17Speaker 00

  You watch these, I, I don't watch them, but some of my girlfriend will have these like Real Housewives shows on and I'm like, you're just manufacturing problems. I know that they're like fake and they're written and stuff, but these people, just the idea of these people who have nothing going on. They're like, this person didn't invite me to a party. And that's like an arc.

• 1:03:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:33Speaker 00

  And you're like, that's your life?

• 1:03:34Matt McCusker?

  That is, that's a, that's like a punch in the stomach in girl world though. You have a party.

• 1:03:38Speaker 00

  That's true.

• 1:03:39Matt McCusker?

  You have a party.

• 1:03:39Speaker 00

  But sometimes it's even less than that. Sometimes like they, this person like cut me off or was rude to me. And you're just like, all right.

• 1:03:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Hold a grudge.

• 1:03:46Speaker 00

  You're right. The party thing is actually, that was a bad example.

• 1:03:48Matt McCusker?

  No, but, no, that does make sense though. It is, it is dumb, but it is like, that's a, uh, that is a thing since women don't like.

• 1:03:54Speaker 00

  It does suck to not get invited to a party. I don't want to go, but I do want to be invited.

• 1:03:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man.

• 1:03:59Speaker 00

  Like, I don't want to go to weddings ever, but like when I don't get the invite, I'm a little like, ah, it's a bummer.

• 1:04:03Matt McCusker?

  I get kind of sad as well. I, I'd really like, not like to go to almost anything, but if I don't get invited, I don't like.

• 1:04:08Speaker 00

  You just want to be thought of. You don't want to actually do it. You just want to, it's almost like at a certain point, the consent is better than the sex.

• 1:04:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:14Speaker 00

  Where you're like, that woman was like, that woman would fuck you. And you're like, what? That's amazing. And then you just go home and you jack off and you're like, who cares?

• 1:04:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:04:21Speaker 00

  I don't need the fucking sex.

• 1:04:22Matt McCusker?

  I don't want to, yeah, I don't want to, I want to keep the fantasy in my head.

• 1:04:24Speaker 00

  Yeah. But yeah, the sex would ruin it. The sex would, she would be like, oh, that was horrible. And you'd be like, oh, fuck.

• 1:04:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that stinks.

• 1:04:30Speaker 00

  But the idea that it could have happened, you're like, oh, fucking.

• 1:04:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, that's a, I always wonder, it's like, especially when you're, when you're, before you're married, you do like, you're like, all right, I'm going to have sex. It better be good. And now it's like. I don't, I'm not, I mean, if it's good, it's great, but if I could, if you'll just let me in there, I'm like, thank you, man.

• 1:04:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:47Matt McCusker?

  Now you get to the point, I used to get like sad and resentful about that. Now I'm like, that is actually nice. You not wanting to have sex and letting me do that anyway. I'm like, that's, thank you for that.

• 1:04:53Speaker 00

  It's considerate.

• 1:04:53Matt McCusker?

  That's very nice. I mean, that's very nice of you. You didn't have to do that. Next time, show some little more fucking spirit, alright?

• 1:04:59Speaker 00

  I'm dating someone. I was walking back to the hotel from the comedy club last night and some woman was like, oh my, she was like so excited to see me. I was like, oh, what's up? And I was like, well, if I was, she was like, I'm a big fan. I was like, oh shit, cool. And we were talking a little bit. She was attractive. And, uh, and I was like, man, if I was single, I would try to have sex with her and I would lose a fan. I might as well just keep the fan.

• 1:05:20Matt McCusker?

  True, true, true.

• 1:05:21Speaker 00

  I'm better at comedy than that.

• 1:05:25Matt McCusker?

  That is really funny, dude. That is, yeah, I've never, see, I've always been married. I never got to like sexually interact with my fanbase.

• 1:05:31Speaker 00

  How long have you been married?

• 1:05:32Matt McCusker?

  Five years.

• 1:05:32Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:05:33Matt McCusker?

  So I've been married.

• 1:05:34Speaker 00

  I didn't get it when it was like good, real. I feel like, cause I, I was always just so quickly out of a breakup and it was just like, I was too sad or I like wouldn't, you know, uh, or I would ruin it. I remember I, I remember I fucked like an older woman in Portland once and I was so sad after a breakup. We're at, she's like a divorced woman. She had a really nice house and, uh, right after I came, she was like, what's wrong? I'm like, ah, I just missed my ex. And then she was like asking about it and I was like, I'm sorry. It's just like very fresh. And, uh, and she was just like, well, it sounds like she doesn't want you back. And I was like, she might. Like, we got in like an argument about her. I was like, it could work. And I was like, wow, this is like the worst one night stand ever. I suck.

• 1:06:12Matt McCusker?

  That is, there is something cool though about like that divorced lady energy.

• 1:06:15Speaker 00

  Oh, she was like.

• 1:06:16Matt McCusker?

  I'm glad those ladies are out there.

• 1:06:17Speaker 00

  Oh my God, I love it.

• 1:06:18Matt McCusker?

  Like fuck your ex. She has like a million dollar house.

• 1:06:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, she's like, yeah, things don't work out, kid, you know?

• 1:06:25Matt McCusker?

  I haven't seen my kids in six months. They fucking hate me. Yeah, that is kinda funny to be like, don't, she doesn't, she doesn't want you.

• 1:06:33Speaker 00

  I know. She was right.

• 1:06:34Matt McCusker?

  Oh, really?

• 1:06:35Speaker 00

  She was definitely right, but I mean, I wasn't ready to hear it. I was still sad.

• 1:06:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:39Speaker 00

  And you're just trying to numb yourself on the road. It's like anyway, that's what I'm saying. You're trying to avoid the feelings of feeling, but you have to, I, I've gotten better just feeling. When I'm sad.

• 1:06:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 1:06:47Speaker 00

  Or, you know, what you were saying on that podcast the other day, like just forcing yourself, I'm not like working out hard, but I'll go to the gym and you get a little boost, you know?

• 1:06:53Matt McCusker?

  Do something, yeah.

• 1:06:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:06:55Matt McCusker?

  No, that helps me. I've been good at that. Like, I've been trying to do a thing where I just like, if I'm in a hotel, my first instinct is like, I'm just gonna fucking watch porn and jerk off. Cause otherwise I can't fall asleep otherwise. And I've been like forcing myself to just lay in my bed and just feel whatever that feeling is of like, uh, before that I could just would go away if I just jerked off.

• 1:07:14Speaker 00

  I know what you mean. It's so tempting. It's like made up perfectly for it.

• 1:07:18Matt McCusker?

  It's, it's crazy. And I'm like, what is going on in me? And then I like, and I'll sit there and feel it. I'm like, I'm like, I can just fall asleep naturally. And then I will actually get relaxed and then I'll just watch porn and jerk off. Oh my God, now, now I'm really gonna fall asleep.

• 1:07:31Speaker 00

  I did the exact same thing last night. The only difference between me now and me in like in my twenties is I, I read afterwards.

• 1:07:38Matt McCusker?

  Oh, nice.

• 1:07:39Speaker 00

  I had my book with me. I was like, I'll read, I'll read a few pages, then I'll fall asleep.

• 1:07:42Matt McCusker?

  That is, yeah, like, nobody needs melatonin.

• 1:07:44Speaker 00

  I still watch porn and jerked off, but I, you know.

• 1:07:47Matt McCusker?

  Read your book.

• 1:07:47Speaker 00

  I read my book.

• 1:07:48Matt McCusker?

  That's true. That is, the melatonin company does not want you to hear this, but yeah, you watch porn and then read a book.

• 1:07:53Speaker 00

  You could do it.

• 1:07:54Matt McCusker?

  You do not need melatonin.

• 1:07:55Speaker 00

  You get, you get sleepy.

• 1:07:57Matt McCusker?

  You do. I read every night before bed. I love it, man.

• 1:07:59Speaker 00

  What, what are you reading?

• 1:08:00Matt McCusker?

  Uh, right now I'm reading a book called Money and the Meaning of Life. That's like, it's pretty good. It's, this is professor talking. He's like a comparative religion professor. Who just like yammers on about like how money is like central to like, just like it's so deeply embedded in people's psyches and how it's like, we're pretty unique in that regard. As like a civilization, cause it's like relatively new, I guess. And he just says like how you just need like to come up with a way in life that like money's always gonna be important. If you try to tell yourself it's nothing, you're just fooling yourself. Cause it's like you're, when you put like a lesser or base desire, you try to banish it from your consciousness. It just becomes wild and then just like goes crazy and like goes out of control. So his whole thing was like, just try to make money the second most important thing in your life. Cause he's like, it's probably the most important thing for pretty much everyone. It's understandable that it is.

• 1:08:45Matt McCusker?

  But if like you can make it the second most important thing, he's like, that's an amazing achievement.

• 1:08:48Speaker 00

  That's true. And family will be your number one.

• 1:08:50Matt McCusker?

  No, me.

• 1:08:53Matt McCusker?

  No, yeah, anything. Family, just anything, anything you're doing. Gets into the gift economy, how a true gift.

• 1:08:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:59Matt McCusker?

  Never stops moving. Like you're like, it's like, there's like a, I don't know, but. But yeah, he's like, if you can make it second most, and it's like, you know, money's tied in with all of your other kind of like creaturely concerns, where he's like, if you can try to somehow make that second most important, he's like, amazing achievement.

• 1:09:12Speaker 00

  That's.

• 1:09:13Matt McCusker?

  Pretty, it was a good, it was a good lesson.

• 1:09:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, sometimes you just need to be reminded of things that we kinda already know.

• 1:09:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:09:21Speaker 00

  You kinda know it, but a guy's just like, it's, it's with everything. It's like, fuck. Sometimes you just see a comedian, you're like, oh yeah, I'm just supposed to be funny.

• 1:09:29Matt McCusker?

  Yep.

• 1:09:29Speaker 00

  Somebody just, it's just so simple. Like you see the most obvious message in a movie or book and you're like, why did I, I know that, but why did I lose sight of it?

• 1:09:37Matt McCusker?

  All the time. Yeah, it happens all, and that's what he was saying. He's like, when you try to banish these things from your consciousness, they just kinda work in the shadows and just take right over again without you even knowing. But yeah, that's, that's helped me a lot in stand-up is I used to always fucking panic everywhere. I'd be like, oh fuck. Now I'm just like, there's people here, they wanna laugh, I'm gonna do my best.

• 1:09:53Speaker 00

  You had anxiety to perform, you mean?

• 1:09:54Matt McCusker?

  Yes. Math. All the time.

• 1:09:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:56Matt McCusker?

  All the time, yeah. Yeah, I would just sit there and go, huh.

• 1:09:59Speaker 00

  I dread it. I get really, and then I'm on and I feel fine. Once I get the first laugh, I feel fine. But like, yeah, I dread the waiting.

• 1:10:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:08Speaker 00

  A comic before me could run the light by two minutes. I'm like, oh, you're killing me.

• 1:10:11Matt McCusker?

  Get the fuck off.

• 1:10:11Speaker 00

  I just wanna fucking go on.

• 1:10:13Matt McCusker?

  You know? Yeah, I've, I've like relaxed a lot, but if I'm in a new scenario, like when I moved down to Texas, I had to go to the mothership. I was just like.

• 1:10:20Speaker 00

  It's a new, you have to prove yourself all over again. I mean, a lot of people know you, but you still have to, you feel like you have to prove yourself.

• 1:10:25Matt McCusker?

  It's true. And I had, I was like working on pretty much newish material, cause I like did the special and like I was like still trying to like build up like an hour. So I was, it was like, I was just shitting myself the whole time. But it's like, now, now I've like tried to take myself out of the equation as much, as much as I can and just be like, I just, these people wanna laugh, I'm gonna try to make them laugh. And if I don't do well, it was a valiant effort and I'm not gonna like freak out or be like, you're fucking bitch, you know, like that stuff is bad.

• 1:10:50Speaker 00

  I used to always think like, it's always, it's one set. It's not gonna change my life in any way. If you get a new joke, cool, but like this, I'm not ruining myself over this set.

• 1:10:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:00Speaker 00

  Although Michael Richards might've thought the same thing. You never know. But that's.

• 1:11:05Matt McCusker?

  Everyone bombs, yeah, everyone.

• 1:11:06Speaker 00

  Everyone says the N-word a bunch to strangers in the crowd. It'll be, luckily camera phones aren't a real thing yet. Wait a second, yeah.

• 1:11:13Matt McCusker?

  You should have had the yonder bag, dude. Yonder bag's so important.

• 1:11:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, Chappelle has it to protect material. Other comics are like, I might have a racist tirade. I just need, no, but I, I really do feel that way. Like nothing really that bad. Is gonna happen, you know, like you just give them the best show you can, especially when you're like really, you know, or you're working on stuff and you're building and hopefully the crowds now are sophisticated enough to understand like how we have to do this. So they know, you know, they listen enough podcasts and stuff, or you're doing your show on your tour and you're like, this is, this is where it's at right now. I hope it's good enough, but like it'll get there, you know?

• 1:11:50Matt McCusker?

  For sure. You still get those psychos like, so you're gonna do the same thing on the next show? And you're like, yes, I am. Get the fuck out of here. Do you like make it up every time? Like, no, dude, what the fuck do you think I am?

• 1:11:58Speaker 00

  I know. People think that.

• 1:12:00Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 1:12:00Speaker 00

  Isn't that crazy?

• 1:12:01Matt McCusker?

  They're like, so you're gonna do like, what are you gonna do for the next show? Just like something totally different? I'm like, no.

• 1:12:05Speaker 00

  Well, you do. I mean, look, there are moments where we're riffing. So they think that maybe the other stuff, there are moments where we're like, you know, at the end of the show, I'll fuck around with the crowd. I'll like, scream out a current event. I'll try to, you know, or I'll do whatever, say.

• 1:12:15Matt McCusker?

  That's kind of fun, yeah.

• 1:12:16Speaker 00

  Stuff like that, just to, cause I get bored with the material anyway, but like, yeah, the fact that they think it's all off the dome is insane.

• 1:12:23Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy, but.

• 1:12:25Speaker 00

  That would be so fucking, I mean, I've seen, there are dudes, I think Rory Scoville would do some shit like that.

• 1:12:30Matt McCusker?

  He did a whole special where he just went completely off the dome.

• 1:12:32Speaker 00

  He's, he's a different breed though, in that way. I think that normal comics, you just can't.

• 1:12:37Matt McCusker?

  No, I wouldn't. I don't know. That would be, it'd be a fun experiment, but it's also like.

• 1:12:41Speaker 00

  But it would do a disservice. Like, can you imagine like Chris Rock off the dome as opposed to like seeing his, I want to hear his polished stuff, you know?

• 1:12:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. It's one of those things that sounds cool, but you'd also have to tell the audience. That way they, they, they're bought in. So they're not just kind of like, what the fuck is this guy doing?

• 1:12:54Speaker 00

  I know.

• 1:12:55Matt McCusker?

  But, well, dude, I think you crushed it, man. I think we're at an hour. Thank you so much.

• 1:12:59Speaker 00

  So fun, yeah.

• 1:13:00Matt McCusker?

  That was a blast, dude. Thank you.

• 1:13:01Speaker 00

  It's the most we've ever spoken.

• 1:13:02Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 1:13:02Speaker 00

  Yeah. If you're in New York, you gotta come by ours, you know?

• 1:13:05Matt McCusker?

  Please, that'd be awesome. Yeah, this is what I, it's, I've been video recording my basically first time really meeting people. It's really sweet. It's really cool. It's really awesome. Dude, thank you, man. What do you have? Do you have anything you want to?

• 1:13:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, you know, I'm on tour like crazy, started in January. I got, you know, some clubs to warm up in, like San Antonio, Liberty and Liberty Township, Ohio, which is like somewhere near Cincinnati, I think.

• 1:13:28Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 1:13:29Speaker 00

  And then, and then Pittsburgh Improv, and then it's just like all theaters going forward and we're doing the bus. So it's like Charlotte, Richmond, DC, Philly.

• 1:13:40Speaker 00

  You know, Tulsa, fucking Austin, Dallas, West Coast, every city. So it's just samaral.com/shows. And if you don't see it, it'll be there. You know, it'll be there in the fall. I'm coming everywhere. So that's Cigur. I'm so jealous of his tour name. I'm coming everywhere.

• 1:13:56Matt McCusker?

  Is that what it is?

• 1:13:57Speaker 00

  That's what he called it. What a great tour name.

• 1:13:58Matt McCusker?

  That is pretty good.

• 1:13:59Speaker 00

  But yeah, so it's just my website. Go to shows and I'm really coming every city. And it's a new hour and I feel like it's getting there. It'll be good by then, so.

• 1:14:08Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, dude. You better get the fuck out there and go there, dude.

• 1:14:11Speaker 00

  And we got our whiskey, Bodega Cat, which is gonna be, it's me and Mark Norman's whiskey. I brought you a bottle. It's good stuff. It's everywhere in New York now. It's gonna be everywhere here soon, so I'm pumped.

• 1:14:19Matt McCusker?

  Fuck, yeah, dude. That's awesome, man. Oh, yeah. Well, thanks for coming, dude.

• 1:14:21Speaker 00

  Thanks for having me, dude.

• 1:14:22Matt McCusker?

  Appreciate that. Thank you, guys. Love you, guys. Goodbye.