Ep 237: Dolph Lundgren

Dolph Lundgren pulls up and the boys go deep—Viagra talk, Warhol stories, and that time he almost starred in Gladiator. They kick things off with a Sandler sighting at the club, debate the confidence of gay men, and take some wild swings at modern fashion. Dolph opens up about his return to the big screen, Nordic tours, and directing behind the camera. Plus, they relive ‘90s Simpsons gems, sip classic cocktails, and pitch cold plunge setups that’ll piss off your landlord. Sponsored by: 💸 Cancel your unwanted subscriptions with Rocket Money https://www.rocketmoney.com/DRUNK 🩳 Your summer wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off at Chubbies https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/DRUNKS — code DRUNKS 📈 Support the show & check out Kalshi. Get $10 when you make a $100 trade https://www.kalshi.com/DRUNKS 🎧 Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD 🛒 Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ 🎬 Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets ⸻ 🎙️ Check out That Sounds Right — the comedy panel show hosted by the producer of WMBD: https://www.youtube.com/@thatsoundsrightshow Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #DolphLundgren #RocketMoney #Chubbies #Kalshi #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Sam Morril?

  And we're back.

• 0:07Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 0:08Sam Morril?

  Hey!

• 0:09Mark Normand?

  We are here, we might be drunk. Woo!

• 0:11Sam Morril?

  This is gonna be a spicy one, I feel like.

• 0:14Mark Normand?

  Not gonna get, well, I guess they saw the thumbnail.

• 0:16Sam Morril?

  They saw, they know he's coming.

• 0:17Mark Normand?

  Okay, well, yeah, this is very exciting. He's not in yet, but he's on his way.

• 0:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we're starting early, he's not late. I know people, it's common when people are late, but, uh...

• 0:26Mark Normand?

  He's not Jordan Jensen-ing. He's just coming, uh, coming on time, we're starting early.

• 0:31Sam Morril?

  Although she might be more manly than he is.

• 0:35Sam Morril?

  All right, we're off to a fun start. Look, uh, what a night last night at the Cellar, by the way.

• 0:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, yeah. Show up, do some shows, I bump into Liz, she goes, "Adam Sandler's here." And I go, "Holy shit, it's the Sandman, Taffy Gilmore, Billy Mad, here we go, Opera Man."

• 0:53Sam Morril?

  Opera Man?

• 0:54Mark Normand?

  Ah, ref.

• 0:55Sam Morril?

  I mean, he's got a long list.

• 0:56Mark Normand?

  He's got a list, Big Daddy.

• 0:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's a weird third.

• 0:59Mark Normand?

  Pickle Arm.

• 1:00Sam Morril?

  The Water Boy.

• 1:01Mark Normand?

  Water Boy, remember the Pickle Arm?

• 1:03Sam Morril?

  Not really.

• 1:04Mark Normand?

  Pull up the Pickle Arm, this was when he was really, uh, like, I need a, I need a sketch, quick.

• 1:11Sam Morril?

  Pickle Arm.

• 1:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:14Mark Normand?

  It was a weekend update thing that didn't really take, but he had a, you know, he's got quite the resume, obviously, he's Adam Sandler.

• 1:23Sam Morril?

  The Sandman.

• 1:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and, uh, so I run a show at the Cellar, and I was like, "Hey, Liz, can you get him on my show?" And she was like, "I already sent him over." And then I walk in, you're in there with him.

• 1:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, oh, Pickle Mustache.

• 1:37Sam Morril?

  He asked me which room was good, and I said, "For what you're doing, I would do McDougal and the Lounge." Because, he was like, "You want intimate, because you're doing stuff that you're not confident in, do like, McDougal is low ceilings, intimate, and the Lounge the same."

• 1:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:51Sam Morril?

  It's so funny, that fucking setup, where you can still hear clapping the other room.

• 1:54Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:55Sam Morril?

  Fucking Sandler, fix this.

• 1:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, what are we doing here? It was all embarrassing, but he's such a sweet guy, he's wearing a puffy jacket and basketball shorts and dirty sneakers, and he's got a fucking thick beard, and, uh... We go, you go, can he go next? I go, sure. I tell the guy, I give him a note. Adam Sandler gets called up, but then he goes, "You're the man." And he taps me on the hand, that was great. There's pickle arm. And then he, uh,

• 2:22Mark Normand?

  and then he went on and did new stuff. It was awesome.

• 2:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it was fun, man.

• 2:25Mark Normand?

  Super fun, super cool to see. He's, he might be the most likeable celebrity.

• 2:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 2:30Mark Normand?

  He's so endearing.

• 2:31Sam Morril?

  Cause he doesn't feel like a celebrity. He just feels like a regular dude.

• 2:34Mark Normand?

  Also, I told you, the wife is so, she's like so attracted to him. And she's like, the, the bad dressing is even hotter. But, you have to be that famous to even it out.

• 2:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you just look like a piece of shit if you're not cool.

• 2:46Mark Normand?

  Exactly. She doesn't say that about Salacuse.

• 2:50Mark Normand?

  I mean, look at this guy. He's, this is like, uh, if you like, like a four-year-old special needs kid in a, in a closet.

• 2:56Sam Morril?

  But it's cool on him.

• 2:57Mark Normand?

  But it works. It makes it work.

• 2:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and he'll hoop in those like kinda Hawaiian polo, which I love.

• 3:02Mark Normand?

  I love that, Hawaiian polo. What a hilarious, uh, combination, Hawaiian polo.

• 3:07Sam Morril?

  I love it, dude.

• 3:08Mark Normand?

  I love it, he's the man.

• 3:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it was a fun night. Dude, Cory Anthony Towns was at the Cellar the other night, too.

• 3:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, finally, we get the story.

• 3:16Sam Morril?

  So Cory Anthony Towns, the big man on the Knicks.

• 3:19Mark Normand?

  Bodega Cat.

• 3:20Sam Morril?

  Bodega Cat, that's his fucking nickname. So he walks in and Liz, the Cellar manager, is wearing a Bodega Cat shirt.

• 3:26Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 3:26Sam Morril?

  And he goes, "I love your shirt." And she goes, "Let me introduce you to someone."

• 3:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 3:31Sam Morril?

  So I'm on stage fucking around with Mateo and Will in the other room. And she's like, "Get offstage." I'm like, "Let me do one more joke." She's like, "Get the fuck offstage." And I was like, "All right."

• 3:39Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 3:40Sam Morril?

  So, so Mateo's like, "Ooh, you're getting bitched around." And I'm like, "But she did me a solid." She's like, "It's Cory Anthony Towns." I was like, "Okay."

• 3:47Mark Normand?

  By the way, you guys on stage are a Jew, a black, and a gay walking to a club.

• 3:51Sam Morril?

  It's really like the, the College Pamphlet Avengers, you know? But, uh, so I'm talking to, uh, Liz. She pulls me over, and Carl is at the bar. And he's got his, uh, girlfriend or wife, I don't know if they're married, whatever, together, uh, they're, they're just chilling, and... Uh, we start chatting Knicks, we start chatting.

• 4:10Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 4:11Sam Morril?

  We're like breaking down each series, he's super cool. And then I'm like, can I give you something? And he goes, yeah, and I, Liz gives me a bottle of Bodega Cat to give him. And he goes, oh my God, I love this, this is like amazing. And he goes, old fashioned is my favorite drink. And he's looking at the menu, he's looking at the menu, and he goes, and Bodega Cat is in it.

• 4:29Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 4:29Sam Morril?

  Towns.

• 4:30Mark Normand?

  Did he do the shimmy?

• 4:32Sam Morril?

  Uh, he did not do the shimmy. Of course Mateo is like, he's so gay, he comes down, he goes, that guy is so gay. I'm like, alright, settle, you think everyone's gay? He's like, yeah, but that guy is gay.

• 4:42Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 4:42Sam Morril?

  Keep it down, he's with his wife.

• 4:43Mark Normand?

  Gay guys think everyone's gay, they really do.

• 4:45Sam Morril?

  They think they can turn anyone.

• 4:47Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 4:48Sam Morril?

  They're confident, you know what, cause they probably turned like one or two.

• 4:51Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 4:52Sam Morril?

  Cause I had a gay friend, he used to like take Ubers home.

• 4:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 4:55Sam Morril?

  You know this guy, I don't wanna say his name, but he used to take Ubers home.

• 4:58Mark Normand?

  Uh, Joe List.

• 5:00Sam Morril?

  And, uh, and he'd be like, do you wanna get jerked off to the driver? And it would work sometimes, he would like jerk off the driver. And I'd be like, what a weird, I'm like, do you tip on top of that? I feel like that's the tip, right?

• 5:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good question.

• 5:15Sam Morril?

  But, uh, yeah, no, but he was cool as hell, and then as he's, we talked for a while, I didn't wanna overdo it. And, uh, as he's walking out, he holds a bottle up, he goes, I'm bringing this on vacation, I'm so excited.

• 5:24Mark Normand?

  Holy hell.

• 5:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and I wouldn't overdo it, cause a lot of people were like hanging after, but he ended up hanging till like 3:00 in the morning.

• 5:30Mark Normand?

  What?

• 5:30Sam Morril?

  And I, I left, I was like, I wanna leave on a high, but he was, he was very cool.

• 5:35Mark Normand?

  Stupid question, was this before or after the Big Pacers ending?

• 5:39Sam Morril?

  After, of course.

• 5:40Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 5:40Sam Morril?

  He's not, he's not out like that.

• 5:41Mark Normand?

  I was gonna say.

• 5:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:43Mark Normand?

  If he was, I'd blame him for the loss.

• 5:46Sam Morril?

  He, he actually was the best for us in that series.

• 5:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:49Sam Morril?

  He was good, but, uh...

• 5:53Sam Morril?

  I mean, it looks like your computer's not even loading you, what's going, oh, there we go.

• 6:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, wait, I'm starting to get the Mateo thing now.

• 6:12Mark Normand?

  How tall are we talking?

• 6:13Sam Morril?

  He's seven feet.

• 6:14Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 6:20Mark Normand?

  Where's he from?

• 6:22Sam Morril?

  Jersey.

• 6:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, nice. Alright, not too far.

• 6:25Sam Morril?

  We got...

• 6:26Mark Normand?

  What the hell is this, Peters? With your crazy jacket?

• 6:30Sam Morril?

  What do we do? 69, Morrell.

• 6:33Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 6:34Sam Morril?

  Bodega cat? We might be drunk? What the hell?

• 6:38Mark Normand?

  Come on!

• 6:39Sam Morril?

  Did I get my size right? Large, Canadian, too.

• 6:42Mark Normand?

  Wow!

• 6:43Sam Morril?

  Norman, man!

• 6:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, come on!

• 6:46Sam Morril?

  Can we wear these next step?

• 6:46Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah! Boy, they're thick. This is heavy. Ooh, Brooklyn bodega cat. Now, is this... I feel bad, is this a real team?

• 6:57Sam Morril?

  Mark McDonald.

• 7:00Sam Morril?

  No, there's no way this is a real team.

• 7:01Mark Normand?

  Okay, I was gonna say, I don't know him. Well, it will be after this.

• 7:04Sam Morril?

  The Brooklyn bodega cat.

• 7:05Mark Normand?

  Wow, thank you, whoever Mark McDonald is. What a guy!

• 7:09Sam Morril?

  I love it, this is so cool.

• 7:10Mark Normand?

  Unbelievable! I'm gonna wear this while I fuck.

• 7:14Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna wear while I jerk off.

• 7:16Mark Normand?

  In an Uber.

• 7:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow!

• 7:20Sam Morril?

  It was our gay friend who talked like Snagglepuss, by the way.

• 7:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay, guys.

• 7:24Sam Morril?

  What? I just wanna jerk off your dick.

• 7:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but look, there's some guys out there who are like, "I can turn any lesbian, just give them one look in my sack."

• 7:32Sam Morril?

  I've never heard a guy say that.

• 7:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, maybe you're right.

• 7:34Sam Morril?

  "I can turn a lesbian?"

• 7:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:35Sam Morril?

  I don't even think I can get a lesbian to enjoy a conversation with me. Turn a lesbian?

• 7:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good point.

• 7:40Sam Morril?

  What are we talking about?

• 7:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:42Sam Morril?

  I've been to a lesbian bar, they're just like, "What?"

• 7:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, "What are you doing here?"

• 7:45Sam Morril?

  What?

• 7:46Mark Normand?

  "Not very inclusive." Yeah.

• 7:47Sam Morril?

  They're not.

• 7:48Mark Normand?

  No, they're not.

• 7:49Sam Morril?

  But also, why are we at the lesbian bar?

• 7:50Mark Normand?

  Well, I mean, it's a free country, I'm dropping in for a cocktail after my long day of homophobia.

• 7:58Sam Morril?

  I want a drink!

• 8:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 8:00Speaker 02

  You got any good names for lesbian bars?

• 8:02Mark Normand?

  Ah, well, I got the...

• 8:03Sam Morril?

  The mound guzzle?

• 8:05Mark Normand?

  Scissors. I had a whole bit about this, I can't remember it, yeah.

• 8:11Speaker 02

  Clitz with a Z.

• 8:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, Clitz with a Z was big, yeah.

• 8:13Sam Morril?

  That's big.

• 8:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that was fun. Yeah, thank you, I forgot about that. Yeah, they do not, I used to live in the Village, but there was Cubbies.

• 8:21Sam Morril?

  I've been, Cubby Hole.

• 8:22Mark Normand?

  Cubby Hole.

• 8:23Sam Morril?

  I've been there once.

• 8:24Mark Normand?

  Great bar.

• 8:24Sam Morril?

  I went in by accident, I was like, "Oh, Cubby Hole." Then you're at the bar, you're like, wait a second.

• 8:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 8:29Sam Morril?

  Cubby hole.

• 8:30Mark Normand?

  Everyone here has armpit hair. What the hell? Pull up cubby hole. It's a cute little hole in the wall.

• 8:35Sam Morril?

  Not a fan of the armpit hair on women.

• 8:37Mark Normand?

  I'm not either.

• 8:38Sam Morril?

  I know that you just wanna be free and it's like hippie dippy, but it's like, sometimes you'll see the hottest girl and then she lifts it up and you're like, what the fuck?

• 8:45Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 8:46Sam Morril?

  I'd rather see a dick.

• 8:47Mark Normand?

  I think this is controver- I think this is controversial, but I'm with you. The armpit hair is a-

• 8:52Sam Morril?

  Is it controversial?

• 8:54Mark Normand?

  Well, I mean, I don't know if men are allowed to have a preference, but uh-

• 8:57Sam Morril?

  We're allowed to have a preference. It's a free country.

• 8:59Mark Normand?

  I'll tell my audience, but um, like my wife will be like, that's a handsome guy, but he's got a ponytail. That's out. He's out. So I'm like, okay. I feel the same way about the armpit hair.

• 9:09Sam Morril?

  Ponytail is, it's a heat check.

• 9:12Mark Normand?

  I guess so.

• 9:13Sam Morril?

  It's a real heat check. It's like you're getting so much ass, you're like, I'm gonna go- it's like when Leonardo DiCaprio had like a man bun and you're like, oh, you're getting too much ass.

• 9:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:21Sam Morril?

  That you're just gonna like, be like, I'm just gonna do this.

• 9:23Mark Normand?

  Right. You can't be stopped.

• 9:24Sam Morril?

  It's like Orlando Bloom would do. It's like dudes who are getting too many chicks.

• 9:27Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 9:28Sam Morril?

  Will be like, oh, musicians.

• 9:30Mark Normand?

  Yep, yep, yep. But I think women-

• 9:32Sam Morril?

  You don't see a doctor with a ponytail.

• 9:34Mark Normand?

  You better not.

• 9:35Sam Morril?

  You get an accountant with a ponytail, you're like, what the fuck?

• 9:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Oh god, an accountant with a ponytail. That's, that's no go.

• 9:40Sam Morril?

  He's taking your money.

• 9:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. That guy's a coke dealer.

• 9:47Mark Normand?

  Uh, you know, tweets is anal.

• 9:49Sam Morril?

  It's just not my, no. It's a strange.

• 9:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:54Sam Morril?

  I know I offended our three female listeners.

• 9:59Sam Morril?

  But, you know, not my thing.

• 10:01Mark Normand?

  Not my thing. Not doing that, not doing the ponytail, so.

• 10:04Sam Morril?

  Not for me.

• 10:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, for sure. For sure.

• 10:08Sam Morril?

  I don't know. I don't, I don't think it's a kink. There's no, maybe people are okay with it, but there's no like porn category chicks with armpit hair.

• 10:15Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 10:16Sam Morril?

  Well, I mean, I guess, I guess you could find anything if you look for it.

• 10:19Mark Normand?

  That's true. Oh, now I'm excited.

• 10:22Sam Morril?

  I love how, how fucked up your Google search history is because of a-

• 10:26Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah. Oh, there it is. It's just a guy.

• 10:31Mark Normand?

  Alright, well now we're getting chicks with dicks. This is a whole different ballgame. Yeah, alright.

• 10:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 10:38Mark Normand?

  But a chick with a dick usually has less armpit hair.

• 10:41Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 10:41Mark Normand?

  They usually shave it.

• 10:42Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 10:43Mark Normand?

  I think so, yeah.

• 10:44Sam Morril?

  Cause the dick is like a misdirect. It's like a big switch.

• 10:47Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 10:47Sam Morril?

  It's like when a realtor says it's a two-bedroom and you're like, "This is a one-bedroom convertible."

• 10:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, what the hell, there's a chimney.

• 10:53Sam Morril?

  You lied.

• 10:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 10:55Sam Morril?

  No, it's, uh, you're right, they, cause they're feminine everywhere else.

• 10:58Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 10:59Sam Morril?

  And then the penis is the surprise.

• 11:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, if you're bi, if you're a bi dude, that's the best of both worlds. You get the boobs, you get the femininity, and you get the railing of a dog.

• 11:09Sam Morril?

  I'm with you, dude. You hear Billie Eilish is getting all this shit for coming out as bi, which first off, you don't get to come out as bi.

• 11:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:16Sam Morril?

  You don't get to come out as, "I'm cool with everything."

• 11:18Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 11:19Sam Morril?

  That's not brave, that's like, you're fortunate.

• 11:21Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 11:22Sam Morril?

  If you're gay, you're just like, "Okay, well I have, there's less people I get."

• 11:26Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 11:26Sam Morril?

  But if you're bi, you get everyone.

• 11:28Mark Normand?

  This is a bit.

• 11:29Sam Morril?

  I, maybe, I don't know.

• 11:30Mark Normand?

  You don't get to come out, it's fortunate.

• 11:32Sam Morril?

  You are fortunate. I mean, Woody Allen had the old bit, "You've doubled your chance for a date on a Saturday."

• 11:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 11:39Sam Morril?

  But, uh...

• 11:39Mark Normand?

  But if you were, if we were bi, we could be blowing each other and then do the show, and then we'd be living high on the hog.

• 11:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I've noticed like Mateo has a lot of like friends, like, he's like, "I've hooked up with him, but we're cool now." And I'm like, "That, I have like no exes that I'm friends with."

• 11:53Mark Normand?

  God.

• 11:54Sam Morril?

  Are you friends with any exes?

• 11:55Mark Normand?

  Not really, I mean, I'm cool, but I'm not like hanging out with them.

• 11:58Sam Morril?

  Exactly. Well, it's hard.

• 11:59Mark Normand?

  It's hard, yeah, then the sexual tension, or they hate you, or whatever it is.

• 12:04Sam Morril?

  I think dudes look at sex as, I guess, look, if you're just hooking up, it's different. Like, I guess, he's probably not friends with any of his exes.

• 12:10Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 12:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I don't think he is. But like, just hooking up, you're like, "Who gives a, yeah, I'll be friends with someone I just hooked up with like once."

• 12:16Mark Normand?

  Well, have you seen the gay friends do Grindr? I mean, it's less like, "Oh, there's a guy 600 feet away, I'll be right back." And you're like, "Wow."

• 12:23Sam Morril?

  Do it like Uber.

• 12:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:24Sam Morril?

  Guy pulls up with a car, "Get in."

• 12:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you could go on a date, get rejected, and they'd be like, "I'll fuck my Uber driver on the ride home."

• 12:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:36Mark Normand?

  You gotta go five.

• 12:36Sam Morril?

  You gotta go five, for sure.

• 12:37Mark Normand?

  I go five without a jerk.

• 12:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:41Mark Normand?

  You know what they need is Grindr.

• 12:42Sam Morril?

  You come and go five stars, yeah.

• 12:43Mark Normand?

  They need Grindr and Uber to merge. So there's a gay Gruber. They need Gruber.

• 12:49Sam Morril?

  But in New York...

• 12:50Mark Normand?

  Or Grift.

• 12:50Sam Morril?

  In New York, that's tough.

• 12:52Mark Normand?

  Why?

• 12:53Sam Morril?

  Cause I can't drive.

• 12:55Mark Normand?

  But you're not gay.

• 12:55Sam Morril?

  But I'm like, I know, but if I was gay, I'm like, I'm like the bottom. I'm the guy who always needs the ride.

• 13:01Mark Normand?

  Well, I'm just saying, if you're, if I was a gay man and I wanted to drive a bunch of gay guys around as an Uber driver, it would be nice to have my own category.

• 13:10Sam Morril?

  It is tough though, so, wait, but you're the one getting jerked off. The driver's the one who gets jerked off.

• 13:14Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 13:16Sam Morril?

  How many times can you get jerked off in a night?

• 13:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 13:18Sam Morril?

  That's the flaw in the technology right there.

• 13:20Mark Normand?

  I'll take that challenge.

• 13:21Sam Morril?

  You gotta pop a Viagra and just, I was talking to an old guy the other day and he goes, uh, he goes, "Yeah, man, I just, you ever pop a Viagra?" He's like in his 60s, there's something at the gym, he's a guy I chat with and you go, I go, "No, you know, I've never done it," and he goes, "You should." He goes, "I had these two chicks, I just, I tore them apart because I took Viagra, I just fucked them both, it was great," and I was like, "Oh shit." I'm like, "But it's like a drug," and he's like, "No, it's not like a drug." He's like, "But then, you know," he goes, "But actually, one time, I, uh, I didn't use it with a girl I was dating, she was like, 'What happened?'" I was like, "Yeah, it's a fucking drug, dude." You can't.

• 13:52Mark Normand?

  Can't rely on it.

• 13:53Sam Morril?

  You get dependent on it, that's my thing, like, I don't want to use Viagra till I need it. But I've heard stories, like Stavi told me stories where he's like, "Fuck," like a superhero.

• 14:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, oh, it works, it works. By the way, I didn't know you were at P. Diddy's locker room.

• 14:06Mark Normand?

  I like the old guy, like peddling, "Hey, you gotta get on it, man," he's trying to like, uh, get you a sample.

• 14:10Sam Morril?

  What investments you have in my sex life?

• 14:12Mark Normand?

  He's gonna be your dealer.

• 14:13Sam Morril?

  Well, he's like, he's trying to help, I think, he's like, "You should try it."

• 14:16Mark Normand?

  All right, I mean, it does work.

• 14:17Sam Morril?

  He recommends restaurants too, he's not just talking.

• 14:21Mark Normand?

  You guys have an intimate relationship.

• 14:22Sam Morril?

  We have conversations.

• 14:23Mark Normand?

  This is pretty nice, you got like a father figure.

• 14:25Sam Morril?

  Locker room talk.

• 14:26Mark Normand?

  All right, well, uh, it works, blue chewers, all that shit, it's unreal, but you do have to use it sparingly.

• 14:32Sam Morril?

  How much have you used it?

• 14:33Mark Normand?

  I've used it as a, we got free blue chew for all the podcasts, so I'd be like.

• 14:36Sam Morril?

  I didn't get, did I get it?

• 14:38Mark Normand?

  On my other pod.

• 14:38Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 14:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we get, we get a ton of blue chew, and so you'll be like, "Well, let me try it, I'm on vacation with the wife," and then we're banging on the balcony, you're banging in the car, you're banging in the Uber.

• 14:47Sam Morril?

  Do you really bang on the balcony?

• 14:48Mark Normand?

  We have, yeah.

• 14:49Sam Morril?

  That's, it's.

• 14:50Mark Normand?

  I see a balcony, I gotta bang on it.

• 14:51Sam Morril?

  I know, not in New York, there's too many windows.

• 14:54Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's their problem.

• 14:57Sam Morril?

  If they remade a rear window, they would just, you'd have to have people just like fucking it.

• 15:01Mark Normand?

  I'm going full, if I was on the Titanic, wherever, that scene, I would be inside of her, just saying.

• 15:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I guess it is cool to fuck, I've never done it.

• 15:11Mark Normand?

  What?

• 15:12Sam Morril?

  I've never fucked on a balcony, I don't think, maybe in a hotel balcony.

• 15:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, come on.

• 15:17Sam Morril?

  No, yeah, it's, no, it is.

• 15:20Sam Morril?

  It is kinda cool.

• 15:20Mark Normand?

  What are you pulling up there?

• 15:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what are you doing?

• 15:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, Titanic porn. Nice. Nothing wrong with that. Uh, there's a porn for everything now. Simpsons, Seinfeld, everything.

• 15:30Sam Morril?

  Seinfeld porn is weird.

• 15:32Mark Normand?

  It's weird.

• 15:34Mark Normand?

  Fucking Elaine Kramer slides in.

• 15:36Sam Morril?

  What's the deal with bukkake?

• 15:39Mark Normand?

  You done there, buddy?

• 15:43Sam Morril?

  The gangbang? Hello, Newman.

• 15:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah. They won't let George in the orgy. He's like, "George is getting upset."

• 15:52Mark Normand?

  Hello, Newman. That's great.

• 15:54Speaker 02

  The R-Lay's on with our guest right now being like, "Don't show up."

• 15:58Sam Morril?

  Matt, that's a clip right there. Seinfeld porn.

• 16:00Mark Normand?

  Yes. Put it side by side with the porn, if you don't mind.

• 16:03Sam Morril?

  Seinfeld, yeah, let's get some of those pics, yeah. Fam- I've seen the Family Guy porn. I haven't watched it, but I've seen the thumbnail.

• 16:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 16:09Sam Morril?

  With Lois being nasty.

• 16:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, Lois looks great.

• 16:12Sam Morril?

  Of Joe in the wheelchair not being able to get it up.

• 16:17Sam Morril?

  Simpsons porn is weird too, because that was like my childhood.

• 16:20Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 16:20Sam Morril?

  I was a little older when Family Guy came out, but Marge is like, that's like, that's like our mom right there. That's fucked up.

• 16:26Mark Normand?

  I know, I know. It's crazy. There's Quagmire going to town. Oh, wait, now we got incest. His son is involved.

• 16:32Sam Morril?

  Oh, shit. Oh, my God. That's too much.

• 16:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, this is crazy.

• 16:38Sam Morril?

  Nah, Mo could be banging Marge, maybe.

• 16:40Mark Normand?

  Blanders is a hunk. He's ripped. Mustache, forget about it.

• 16:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, why the mom-son thing?

• 16:51Sam Morril?

  And Bart is an adult there, too.

• 16:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's the problem with this.

• 17:00Mark Normand?

  I'm like, not the mom and the son. I'm like, it's a cartoon porn, and I'm upset about the character. Jesus.

• 17:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Maggie? What the fuck are we doing?

• 17:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, my God. I'm into this too much.

• 17:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah, well, Maggie's used to having something in her mouth. I'll say that.

• 17:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:17Sam Morril?

  What is happening?

• 17:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, hey, Milhouse's mom.

• 17:19Sam Morril?

  Milhouse's mom. That was one of the best episodes that, uh...

• 17:22Mark Normand?

  The divorce?

• 17:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 17:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:24Sam Morril?

  I love what, I love just that ending where she's like, "Come on, what do you say we give it one more shot?" She's like, "No."

• 17:28Mark Normand?

  Ah, can I borrow a feeling?

• 17:31Sam Morril?

  That was, ah.

• 17:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:33Sam Morril?

  Can I borrow a feeling?

• 17:34Mark Normand?

  Milhouse, The Simpsons made sadness so funny. Like, every time they were sad, it was really well done. Like, Bo is the saddest man on the planet. Like, uh, my favorite Simpsons joke of all time is, uh, who shot Mr. Burns? They got Bo on the lie detector, and they go, "Where were you on Saturday night?" He's like, "I had a hot date." Eh, dinner with friends. Eh, dinner alone. Eh, alright, I was ogling the women in the Playboy. Eh, Sears catalog. Ding!

• 18:04Mark Normand?

  Just kept going, kept going.

• 18:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they have levels. I mean, you're talking good sad jokes. That Milhouse episode had such good jokes. The dad, uh, showing off his new bachelor pad to Homer.

• 18:13Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 18:14Sam Morril?

  "I sleep in a race car bed. Do you sleep in a race car bed?" He goes, "No, I sleep in a big bed with my wife."

• 18:22Mark Normand?

  Hey, folks, We Might Be Drunk is brought to you by Rocket Money. When it comes to spending, sometimes it's out of sight, out of mind. When every payment is just a tap on your phone, it's easy to lose track of your spending. See your spending patterns so you can do something about them and keep more money in your pocket with Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and lowers your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all your accounts and helps create a personalized budget to keep your spending on track. "I need this. I can't do any budgeting. These guys helped me."

• 19:03Mark Normand?

  "I signed up for all kinds of crap years ago: magazines and pamphlets and Scientology." "Grinder." "So, I need this. They saved me a ton of money. Thank you." It's got over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to 740 bucks a year when they use all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com/Drunk. That's rocketmoney.com/Drunk. Rocketmoney.com/Drunk.

• 19:39Sam Morril?

  Summer is here and Chubbies has their biggest sale of the year going.

• 19:43Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 19:44Sam Morril?

  Get shorts and swim trunks for just 45 bucks and up to 65% off select gear. Their original stretch shorts are awesome. I love their stretch pants, too. Available in three different lengths and have a relaxed fit and elastic waistband so you can shotgun a beer or five and not really worry. Pair them with Chubbies Performance Polos and you'll be all set pretty much for any summer occasion. Hey, I love these pants. I always get compliments on them.

• 20:09Mark Normand?

  Me too.

• 20:10Sam Morril?

  They are stretchy. They fit your leg, but they're comfy.

• 20:13Mark Normand?

  Yes. They also have great jackets, great shirts, great polos. They just sent me a bunch of stuff. I got a bucket hat. I love Chubbies.

• 20:20Sam Morril?

  Chubbies, send me some more stuff. I'd like some. I'm wearing the stuff you sent me. Send some more over here.

• 20:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:25Sam Morril?

  Share the wealth over here, Chubbies.

• 20:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, there you go. Get a Hawaiian shirt. Don't wait.

• 20:29Sam Morril?

  I love a Hawaiian shirt.

• 20:30Mark Normand?

  There, they got them in spades.

• 20:32Sam Morril?

  So don't wait. For a very limited time, shop Chubbies' biggest sale of the year for $45 shorts and up to 65% off select gear. Hit up chubbiesshorts.com and grab your favorites before they're gone. Missed the sale? Don't sweat it. Use our code DRUNKS for 20% off. Support the show. Let them know we sent ya and get ready to turn some heads. Summer's here. Dress like it. In Chubbies.

• 20:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Remember how blown away you were when you found out Bart was a lady?

• 21:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 21:02Mark Normand?

  I was blown away. I couldn't believe it.

• 21:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, some of those voice actors, you ever meet them in person and they just start doing a voice and you're like, oh my, how does that sound come out of your face?

• 21:10Mark Normand?

  I know. They had a panel on Conan or Letterman where it was like Dan Castellaneta, whatever the name is. Harry Shear. Harry Shear, Hank Azaria. Forgot the lady's name. Voorhees or something.

• 21:22Sam Morril?

  Julie Cast- no, Julie Kavner?

• 21:24Mark Normand?

  Kavner, yeah, there you go. Yeah, that was crazy. And they just do this shit from home now and they get a paycheck.

• 21:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you just build a little, they probably have mansions. They build a little sound room in there.

• 21:35Mark Normand?

  Nancy Cartwright, that's it.

• 21:36Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 21:38Mark Normand?

  Julie Kavner. Is she? Whoa.

• 21:42Mark Normand?

  Yurdly Smith, that's her name. She was in a couple Woody Allen movies.

• 21:46Sam Morril?

  That's right. Which ones? Anne and her Sisters.

• 21:48Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 21:49Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 21:49Mark Normand?

  Crazy voice, crazy face. She was also on a show called Herman's Head.

• 21:53Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 21:54Mark Normand?

  Which is, uh, old school.

• 21:56Sam Morril?

  Damn, you fuck, you go, you run deep.

• 21:58Mark Normand?

  I watched a lot of TV growing up. My dad was scary. So I would just hide in the upstairs and turn on the old Boop Tube. Uh, there it was, yeah.

• 22:06Sam Morril?

  As opposed to Norman's Head, which can be seen on his balcony.

• 22:11Mark Normand?

  Or an Uber. Yeah. Uh, yeah. Gruber.

• 22:15Sam Morril?

  The jerking off of the Uber really is incredible.

• 22:18Mark Normand?

  Those Uber drivers, the shit they see, I mean, like drunk women climbing on top of them after going out and like puking in the car and the phone calls they hear.

• 22:27Sam Morril?

  Taxis are worse.

• 22:28Mark Normand?

  Taxi have confessions.

• 22:29Sam Morril?

  In a world with no ratings, it is the Wild West.

• 22:32Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 22:32Sam Morril?

  Certain people are, I mean, of course, you still behave badly in Ubers if you're that type of person, but, I mean, the rating system, you ever meet someone with a bad rating on Uber?

• 22:41Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 22:41Sam Morril?

  Should we look up our rating?

• 22:42Mark Normand?

  Louis Gomez.

• 22:43Sam Morril?

  What's your rating?

• 22:44Mark Normand?

  I'm gonna go, I'm gonna guess. I've never looked, but I'm gonna say it's like a four.

• 22:49Sam Morril?

  That's not, oh, but it's four what, though?

• 22:51Mark Normand?

  Four point something, I'm guessing.

• 22:53Sam Morril?

  Damn, I wonder if I'm bad. Let's see.

• 22:56Mark Normand?

  All right, hang on.

• 22:57Sam Morril?

  Let's see our Uber scores.

• 23:00Mark Normand?

  Uh.

• 23:01Speaker 02

  I opened that up, I just wanted to show you.

• 23:03Mark Normand?

  What you got?

• 23:04Speaker 02

  Uh, The Mirage had a book on who killed Mr. Earn.

• 23:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love that.

• 23:08Sam Morril?

  This could have been like the best insider trading ever.

• 23:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:11Sam Morril?

  You just know a Simpsons writer, he's like, dude, put a mill on Maggie. We're keeping it in the app.

• 23:16Mark Normand?

  That's what put Pelosi on the map. She was all over Maggie. Um, okay, I got it. Where do I go? Oh, 4.88.

• 23:23Sam Morril?

  Ooh, I'm a 4.67.

• 23:25Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 23:27Sam Morril?

  I gotta start.

• 23:28Mark Normand?

  You gotta blow a couple guys.

• 23:29Sam Morril?

  Next week, I'm like, dude, I jerked a couple dudes off. I'm up to a point, 4.70. I'm rocking.

• 23:36Mark Normand?

  You blow enough guys, you'll be at like 6. He blew past the five. Wow, that's crazy, that maggot thing.

• 23:43Sam Morril?

  Alright.

• 23:43Mark Normand?

  That really brought the country together. I mean, I was like a prime age for this. And it was like, this was like the who shot?

• 23:50Speaker 02

  JR.

• 23:51Mark Normand?

  JR. This was our version of that. And man, this like swept, this and the McDonald's monopoly was huge.

• 23:58Sam Morril?

  That game got me fat.

• 24:00Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 24:00Sam Morril?

  I thought I was gonna get boardwalk, dude.

• 24:02Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 24:03Sam Morril?

  I wanted that cool meal.

• 24:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:05Sam Morril?

  All you get is a McFlurry and then you just keep getting, you're like, free McFlurry, like now I'm fatter.

• 24:09Mark Normand?

  I know, I know.

• 24:10Sam Morril?

  I'm a little second grader with bitch tits.

• 24:12Mark Normand?

  We kept chasing that high, though. Remember you buy the fries, you're like, come on, baby. You're like a crackhead, feeling that thing off.

• 24:17Sam Morril?

  That was Vegas for kids.

• 24:19Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, exactly.

• 24:20Sam Morril?

  Unhealthy, and the kids looked like they were shaking. Like, come on, Atlantic Avenue.

• 24:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's rascal scooters and cigarettes.

• 24:27Sam Morril?

  And for those who are too old to get this, McDonald's used to do a monopoly game and the grand prize was a million dollars. If you got park place and boardwalk, guess what? Boardwalk was fucking, I don't even think one existed.

• 24:40Mark Normand?

  No.

• 24:40Sam Morril?

  There were a lot of park places to get you going back, but.

• 24:43Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 24:43Sam Morril?

  Uh, but there were other prizes. There was like a jet ski. You could get like, you know.

• 24:48Mark Normand?

  There was a documentary on Netflix about, about this.

• 24:52Sam Morril?

  It was addict, and McDonald's is already addictive. You can't add gambling on top of what is, for a kid, already like the most addictive shit.

• 24:59Mark Normand?

  But genius marketing. Hey, buy more food so you can get the tickets to get the places. I mean, it was genius.

• 25:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I was hooked on it, man. It was, uh, and McDonald's as a kid, like, is there anything better?

• 25:10Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 25:11Sam Morril?

  I wonder, is that still for kids, number one, I guess? What do you think the number one fast food is for kids?

• 25:16Mark Normand?

  That's a good question. I think it's kicked up a notch with like Shake Shack, In-N-Out, and you know what's big now is Cane's.

• 25:21Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 25:22Mark Normand?

  Cane's is huge. Chick-fil-A is big. Chick-fil-A is big, too. The, the fast food is just kinda like, uh, leveled up.

• 25:28Sam Morril?

  Hard to beat like chicken tenders, man, when you're a kid.

• 25:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's the best.

• 25:31Sam Morril?

  Or McDonald's nuggets, so you get those extra sauces, you're fucking, you're living.

• 25:36Mark Normand?

  But don't you walk by a McDonald's, there's a hobo in there, there's a crazy guy with the crown on his head jerking off, and you're like, this is, this is, this is low class. But you see a Chick-fil-A, it's clean, there's like a Christian blonde lady behind the counter. Going, how y'all doing? You know, it just feels, and Shake Shack's got beer and custards and concretes. It just feels like they, they kicked it up a notch.

• 25:56Sam Morril?

  I don't think, I don't think kids care as much about Shake Shack. I think like the McDonald's marketing where you like, you get a toy.

• 26:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:02Sam Morril?

  Even if it's a shitty toy.

• 26:03Mark Normand?

  True.

• 26:03Sam Morril?

  The toy is big. Like, I get something.

• 26:05Mark Normand?

  Toy is big.

• 26:06Sam Morril?

  But I wonder, I wonder, because movies aren't as big now. I guess certain movies, but like back in the day, like you get a Ghostbusters. There was like something that you're like, oh, I like that thing.

• 26:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:14Sam Morril?

  They partnered with the right.

• 26:16Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 26:16Sam Morril?

  I remember when they did the Space Jam promotion, I was like, holy shit, I get a Michael Jordan like.

• 26:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Right, right. That's true. Yeah, they had superheroes, they had everything.

• 26:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 26:25Mark Normand?

  And they had a Playland.

• 26:27Sam Morril?

  That was, that was fucking the best.

• 26:29Mark Normand?

  Did, you have that Manhattan? You got a Playland?

• 26:31Sam Morril?

  No, but like I, I'd been to a suburban McDonald's, it is legit.

• 26:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:34Sam Morril?

  No, there might be, might have been like one in Manhattan. There weren't a lot.

• 26:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:38Sam Morril?

  And they, I mean, talk about a germ-infested zone.

• 26:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, my God. It's gross.

• 26:43Sam Morril?

  Those kids were like, like.

• 26:45Mark Normand?

  Freak off.

• 26:45Sam Morril?

  Discovery Zone, what are the ones that are like, what's the big one? Not like.

• 26:49Mark Normand?

  Showbiz Pizza, Chuck E. Cheese.

• 26:51Sam Morril?

  Chuck E. Cheese.

• 26:52Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 26:52Sam Morril?

  That's worse. The Rat?

• 26:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, oh, yeah.

• 26:55Sam Morril?

  Who, who was like, this is our mascot?

• 26:56Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 26:57Sam Morril?

  Vermin. Let's fucking, let's get a cockroach for our other location.

• 27:00Mark Normand?

  There's like remnants of pizza everywhere and the mascot is a giant rat. Remember the Mad Men episode where he's trying to help, um, Conrad Hilton?

• 27:10Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 27:10Mark Normand?

  And he goes, what do you think of this? I, I made it, Don. And Don goes, I don't want to see a mouse in a hotel. And I was like, there you go. And that's what this is.

• 27:18Sam Morril?

  Goddamn, he was smooth.

• 27:20Mark Normand?

  He was good. So good.

• 27:22Sam Morril?

  You and I send each other Mad Men clips.

• 27:24Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 27:24Sam Morril?

  Instagram. That's like a, because my feed will just get like those moments and I just, that show just fucking rules.

• 27:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's, he's the cool, and then Sterling was funny. So you got, you got the cool Draper and the funny Sterling.

• 27:36Sam Morril?

  Great one-liners. Fuck, man. Yeah, I need a new show, man. I gotta watch, I gotta watch that. There's a couple of things I gotta watch, but I still haven't even watched, I gotta give Severance like a real shot.

• 27:45Mark Normand?

  I tried. It's too, too smart and too moody for me.

• 27:49Speaker 02

  You gotta get past three episodes. I know it's hard, but get past the third episode and start picking up.

• 27:53Sam Morril?

  But aren't you sick of hearing that?

• 27:54Mark Normand?

  I know, I know.

• 27:57Sam Morril?

  It's tough.

• 27:57Mark Normand?

  You don't do that with dating. Yeah, go on for the fourth date, then you're gonna really start to be attracted to her. Come on.

• 28:05Sam Morril?

  You're so right.

• 28:06Mark Normand?

  But, uh, Landman was pretty good. And Mobland, everybody's saying is good.

• 28:12Sam Morril?

  What's Mobland?

• 28:13Mark Normand?

  That's the new Tom Hardy Guy Ritchie joint.

• 28:15Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's fun.

• 28:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I love Guy Ritchie. So, uh, I'm trying to start that.

• 28:20Sam Morril?

  Pierce Brosnan?

• 28:21Mark Normand?

  Ayy, good group. What's that other lady? Forgot her name, Helen Mirren? No. Is that her? Okay. Great cans. But, yeah. Uh, so these are the hot shows everybody's talking about, and I think there's a new one out now.

• 28:37Sam Morril?

  I got a movie right for you.

• 28:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, please.

• 28:39Sam Morril?

  Old French noir, Le Samurai.

• 28:42Mark Normand?

  Le Samurai?

• 28:43Sam Morril?

  Have you seen it?

• 28:43Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 28:44Sam Morril?

  It's, it's, uh, I, there was a Criterion flash sale, I like buying some of those DVDs, so I, I see it playing all over town in the old movie, like film form and stuff. So, I, yeah, Alain Delon.

• 28:55Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 28:56Sam Morril?

  The, uh, French stud. Yeah, he was like the handsome dude back then, he played Ripley and like the.

• 29:00Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 29:01Sam Morril?

  And, um. Yeah, I just saw it everywhere, so I was like, fuck it, I'm gonna buy it, I bet it looks cool.

• 29:07Mark Normand?

  It looks really cool.

• 29:08Sam Morril?

  And, uh, then I just ran to Andy Haynes at the Comedy Cellar, and he was like, we were talking noir, and he goes, my number one is Le Samurai. So I was like, I just bought it, I'm watching it tomorrow.

• 29:16Mark Normand?

  Holy shit.

• 29:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 29:17Mark Normand?

  So I thought it was gonna be a Samurai movie.

• 29:19Sam Morril?

  I had Santino over, we were gonna watch it, but I hadn't seen him forever.

• 29:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:23Sam Morril?

  So we ended up just talking all day, but then my other friend came over and we watched it, my friend Chase, and it's, it's badass.

• 29:28Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 29:29Sam Morril?

  It's cool.

• 29:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 29:33Mark Normand?

  Ooh, nailed it. All right.

• 29:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but it's, it's cool, man, it's a cool movie.

• 29:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah, like that type, I haven't seen that, but I think it's that type of vibe.

• 29:43Mark Normand?

  By the way, Santino can talk, huh? He's like the, he's like a real gift of gab.

• 29:48Sam Morril?

  He's like, he's like, uh, yeah, he can just go, and, but also when you, those buddies you don't see for a while.

• 29:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we're just gonna talk. I end up getting lunch with him at Vessel, and then we just took a walk, and then he just came over, we just like hung like the whole day, it was like, it was fun.

• 30:00Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's the best.

• 30:01Sam Morril?

  He's a fun hang, man.

• 30:02Mark Normand?

  That is good stuff.

• 30:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 30:04Mark Normand?

  That is pre-kid stuff. When you got that day to just kill.

• 30:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I saw him at the cellar the night before and he was like, "What are you doing tomorrow?" I'm doing nothing. Let's fuck it.

• 30:13Mark Normand?

  Ah!

• 30:14Sam Morril?

  One of those. We're like, "Let's hang." Love a good day hang.

• 30:17Mark Normand?

  Love a good day hang, especially spontaneous like that, that just keeps going. That's the best.

• 30:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we're having fun.

• 30:23Mark Normand?

  Some good shit talking I take?

• 30:24Sam Morril?

  A little shit talking, a little, you know.

• 30:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, LA is good. That's why LA, you go to LA and, you know, I don't want to live there, but like, you know, you're out in a coffee shop, you meet a guy, you see a guy, you walk around, you go to the beach. You really kind of have some freedom in LA.

• 30:39Sam Morril?

  Oh yeah, we're at Veselka, which is like one of my favorite spots in the city, obviously. Ukrainian diner, OG, great New York spot. And one of the cooks recognizes Santino from the show Dave.

• 30:50Mark Normand?

  Ah!

• 30:51Sam Morril?

  Sends over a free plate of pierogas.

• 30:53Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 30:53Sam Morril?

  Hey, you're all right, kid.

• 30:55Mark Normand?

  Not too shabby.

• 30:57Sam Morril?

  Not bad.

• 30:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, all you LA get queefs. Come on out here.

• 31:00Sam Morril?

  I think he'll move here eventually.

• 31:01Mark Normand?

  I think so. He feels New York.

• 31:03Sam Morril?

  He wants it.

• 31:04Mark Normand?

  He's in Chicago.

• 31:05Sam Morril?

  Chicago people feel New York.

• 31:06Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 31:06Sam Morril?

  I know it's in the middle, but you're more like us.

• 31:08Mark Normand?

  Well, I'll see your house is burned down, you know, the fires, the raids, the riots. Get over here.

• 31:14Sam Morril?

  The raids, the, yeah.

• 31:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, like.

• 31:16Sam Morril?

  The open micers are paid protesters here now. It's a whole.

• 31:19Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 31:20Sam Morril?

  They're like, "Hey, a gig's a gig."

• 31:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we got ice here too. Get over here. I'm trying to get away from it all. I'm trying to live more. Ari is moving out of country. He brought a hot tub to my house. I'm getting in that puppy tonight.

• 31:32Sam Morril?

  I'm excited. A hot tub in June?

• 31:34Mark Normand?

  I know. I don't mind a hot tub.

• 31:36Sam Morril?

  It's a great gift. Gets you a cold plunge in January.

• 31:40Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 31:41Sam Morril?

  Well, who wants a hot tub in, it's like 80 degrees, dude.

• 31:44Mark Normand?

  That's true, but I don't mind at night. I'll sweat it all out, you know, just get out of the pool, go in the shower and.

• 31:49Sam Morril?

  With the breeze, it's nice. You got to set up that cold plunge, dude.

• 31:52Mark Normand?

  I know, I know. I'm running out of room.

• 31:54Sam Morril?

  You got that whole outdoor area.

• 31:56Mark Normand?

  I know, but I like having the grass. I want to, I still want the green.

• 31:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but you got the underpass thing, don't you?

• 32:01Mark Normand?

  That's where the hot tub is.

• 32:02Sam Morril?

  Ah, damn.

• 32:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Can you put the cold plunge indoor?

• 32:06Sam Morril?

  You could, I guess, but I wouldn't.

• 32:09Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay.

• 32:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 32:11Mark Normand?

  All right. Got to set that thing up. Peter, well, how about I task rabbit you? I'll pay you 16 bucks. You come over and put the thing together. These task rabbits are nice. We just hired a guy. I bought it at Armoire from like, you know, Ikea or one of those places. And I couldn't, the directions, I couldn't find them. I hired a guy, this Asian guy came over, put it together without directions, just played with it, figured it out, hung up all my photos, cleaned my AC vents, and the whole thing was like a hundred bucks.

• 32:41Mark Normand?

  Huh?

• 32:42Speaker 02

  Hire real people to do this.

• 32:43Mark Normand?

  I know, but I feel guilty.

• 32:44Sam Morril?

  Real people? What are Asian?

• 32:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:47Sam Morril?

  What the hell's wrong with you?

• 32:48Mark Normand?

  Ah, no, that stays.

• 32:50Sam Morril?

  Keep that in. That stays. That stays for sure.

• 32:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:53Sam Morril?

  Real people. The Asian guy's a ghoul?

• 32:56Mark Normand?

  Ah, he's fading, like Back to the Future.

• 33:01Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh, what are you doing?

• 33:03Sam Morril?

  Oh, is he coming?

• 33:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, about 10 minutes out.

• 33:06Sam Morril?

  Jesus Christ, what do we say? Damn, the fucking traffic in this area. We gotta get out of Times Square, man.

• 33:12Mark Normand?

  Well, he can't walk here, that's the problem. He looks like that. He's 6'5", he's a tall, Swedish, blonde god.

• 33:19Sam Morril?

  Can't walk?

• 33:20Mark Normand?

  No, I'm saying, you can't go out in public.

• 33:22Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 33:22Speaker 02

  He'll be mobbed.

• 33:23Mark Normand?

  He'll be mobbed.

• 33:24Sam Morril?

  You think so?

• 33:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. People recognize us. They gotta recognize fucking one of the expendables.

• 33:31Sam Morril?

  But he's an older guy now, maybe it's not as bad.

• 33:33Mark Normand?

  That's true. That's true. But 6'5" and blonde, I don't care who you are, you're turning a head.

• 33:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 33:38Mark Normand?

  Look at Bridget Nielsen. If I saw her walking down the street, I would turn.

• 33:42Sam Morril?

  Also from the movie.

• 33:43Speaker 02

  They're married, right?

• 33:44Mark Normand?

  What?

• 33:45Speaker 02

  They were married.

• 33:46Mark Normand?

  Get the fuck out of here. I gotta ask him about all this vagina he's slayed, because these women are seven feet tall.

• 33:54Sam Morril?

  He fucking killed Apollo Creed, too.

• 33:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 33:58Sam Morril?

  What?

• 33:59Speaker 02

  He doesn't manage to mess this alone out of the long room.

• 34:01Mark Normand?

  Wow. Can't believe.

• 34:03Sam Morril?

  Why don't you double check that?

• 34:07Mark Normand?

  They must have been in the room together.

• 34:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, they were together.

• 34:09Sam Morril?

  No, she's in the movie.

• 34:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay. Wow, look at that. Can you believe she fucked Flavor Flav? How did that? That is crazier than anything that's ever, like Kanye, Elon and Trump. The fact that she dated Flavor Flav is unreal.

• 34:25Sam Morril?

  It's very strange.

• 34:26Mark Normand?

  It's like a simulation. Look at that. This, this like crazy stunning blonde lady who's seven feet tall dated this.

• 34:37Sam Morril?

  I wish we could have seen how they would have bred.

• 34:40Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 34:41Sam Morril?

  What do they make together?

• 34:43Mark Normand?

  That's a great ques- I think a Ewok. I have no idea, but.

• 34:48Sam Morril?

  Damn, Anna Nicole Smith was hot, dude. Jesus, I know that's not a hot take. I said like that was, wow, she was attractive. The lady who literally.

• 34:56Mark Normand?

  Well, she was the epitome of like big blonde bombshell.

• 35:01Sam Morril?

  Jesus Christ.

• 35:02Mark Normand?

  But the, the pills, my god, the pills.

• 35:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Pills, they'll get you.

• 35:07Mark Normand?

  They'll get you eventually. Tell that to David Sacks, what's his, no, Sackler. Sackler family.

• 35:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude.

• 35:14Mark Normand?

  They're hurting everybody.

• 35:16Sam Morril?

  Rich family.

• 35:17Mark Normand?

  Flavor Flav! Not much talent with the guy. He was just kind of eccentric.

• 35:23Sam Morril?

  He's a hype man.

• 35:23Mark Normand?

  He's a hype man. The horns, the clock.

• 35:26Sam Morril?

  Public Enemy is pretty good though, man.

• 35:27Mark Normand?

  That's true, that's true.

• 35:29Sam Morril?

  Public Enemy was legit.

• 35:30Mark Normand?

  I was more of an NWA guy.

• 35:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he had more hits for sure.

• 35:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Well, what's the Public Enemy hit?

• 35:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Harder Than You Think.

• 35:38Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 35:39Sam Morril?

  They got some fucking bangers, dude.

• 35:41Mark Normand?

  That's a good, uh, BlueChew ad.

• 35:43Sam Morril?

  Harder Than You Think?

• 35:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 35:45Mark Normand?

  And if you show your boater in public, you're Public Enemy.

• 35:50Sam Morril?

  So your first thing you said was you saw, you knew Richard Pryor?

• 35:53Speaker 03

  A little bit, yeah, yeah.

• 35:54Mark Normand?

  Wow!

• 35:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, I ran into him a couple of times, uh, because I, I met him with Grace Jones. I used to date her.

• 36:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 36:01Speaker 03

  And, uh, I ran into him in New York early on and then I, I ran into him, um, later in his career when he was, uh, in pretty bad shape. I met him at some premiere and he was. He did in the wheelchair.

• 36:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 36:17Speaker 03

  I think.

• 36:17Mark Normand?

  He had MS?

• 36:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, he had MS, yeah. And he had that incident where I think his, I ain't told me, I think he, my crack pipe blew up my face.

• 36:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's freebasing.

• 36:30Sam Morril?

  He had the famous bit, the last joke in Live at the Sunset Strip, you know, lights a match, what do you call this? Richard Pryor running down the street.

• 36:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, right, right. That was, that was back before, he had a scandal and then he talked about it. So you had to watch his special, cause you're like, I gotta hear about it now, like the Chris Rock slap or whatever it is now, that's pretty normal.

• 36:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, but he was, he was a sweet guy, you know, really super friendly. I remember, you know, yeah, very, very, very friendly, yeah.

• 37:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Cool dude. He went to movies too.

• 37:05Speaker 03

  I was on her show once.

• 37:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 37:07Speaker 03

  She, she has subbed for Johnny Carson.

• 37:10Mark Normand?

  Yep, that's right.

• 37:11Sam Morril?

  The Tonight Show with Joan Rivers.

• 37:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:13Mark Normand?

  Then they had a falling out.

• 37:15Speaker 03

  Yeah. Oh, they did have a falling out?

• 37:17Mark Normand?

  She started her own show.

• 37:18Sam Morril?

  She had her own show.

• 37:19Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, that's right. She did, yeah.

• 37:20Mark Normand?

  He was a competitive guy. Look at that, there's you.

• 37:23Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 37:24Mark Normand?

  Whoa, with Joan.

• 37:26Sam Morril?

  Look at that jacket, dude.

• 37:28Mark Normand?

  Looking good.

• 37:32Sam Morril?

  Look at, listen to the ladies, damn.

• 37:43Speaker 03

  Such a kid, man.

• 37:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 37:45Speaker 03

  So innocent, innocent. There's such a difference between like my real personality and Ivan Drago was.

• 37:52Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 37:53Speaker 03

  180, you know?

• 37:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 37:56Speaker 03

  Couldn't keep any smiling in the movie, it would have killed it, but.

• 37:59Sam Morril?

  Did you ever just break though, or you ever just like?

• 38:01Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, for sure, but not, not on camera, but. No, but off, off, off camera for sure, yeah. No, I, I, uh, I felt I was really, I remember, um, you know, I, I knew Stallone very well because I worked with him for six months. You know, we were training twice a day, six days a week. Waits in the morning at nine for an hour. And then we're boxing for two hours in the afternoon, you know, so. And you know, you're in the ring, you're bare chest, they're throwing each other around. So I was kind of got pretty close to him, even though he was, you know, I was a fan of his. But I mean, we, we became friendly, but, um, and he knew my character and because I had a, I, I did a, uh, a screen test for it when I played that kind of, that's a very stoic Russian guy and, uh.

• 38:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 38:46Speaker 03

  But you know Carl Weathers.

• 38:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 38:48Speaker 03

  I only met him like a day before we shot the fight, you know, Drago versus Paul Crean, that was in Vegas. So he didn't know me and I was in character. So he's, I was seeing, I could tell he was checking me out. Here's this big Swedish guy, looks deadly, you know.

• 39:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 39:08Speaker 03

  No smiles, nothing. And so he was, uh, when he was backpedaling in, in the ring, that was real, you know.

• 39:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 39:15Speaker 03

  It wasn't acting, you know, so.

• 39:17Mark Normand?

  Man.

• 39:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was a, it was a fun, it was a good experience.

• 39:20Mark Normand?

  What was first, this or He-Man?

• 39:22Speaker 03

  Uh, Rocky was first, yeah.

• 39:24Mark Normand?

  Boy, so that just changed your whole life.

• 39:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, it did, it did. Actually, I was in a, a small movie before that called, uh, A View to a Kill, the Bond movie.

• 39:33Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 39:33Speaker 03

  I was on the set with Grace, she played the kind of bad girl.

• 39:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 39:37Speaker 03

  Chris Walken, so I met him and, and, uh.

• 39:41Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 39:41Speaker 03

  And one, one day somebody was missing, you know, one of the stunt guys didn't show, so they gave me a part in the picture. And I, I play, I would have a scene with Chris Walken and, uh, Grace. But I'm, I don't say anything, I'm just there with a gun, you know, basically. If you blink, you miss me, but that was my debut.

• 39:58Mark Normand?

  So you had to date her, there's not a lot of Grace Joneses in Sweden, I assume.

• 40:01Speaker 03

  No, no, that's true, yeah. And the funny thing is, you know, I was a, um, chemical engineering student.

• 40:07Mark Normand?

  Right, MIT.

• 40:08Speaker 03

  MIT, so my dad thought I was going to MIT and I, I had a full scholarship, but I sort of had quit, right?

• 40:14Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:15Speaker 03

  Studying acting.

• 40:15Sam Morril?

  Were your parents like, are you insane?

• 40:17Speaker 03

  No, no, but they didn't know because I couldn't tell my dad, you know, I just, you know, because it wasn't like before, it was before iPhones and such, so, you know, we spoke on the phone maybe every three or four months.

• 40:29Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 40:30Speaker 03

  And he said, how's school? And I could, without lying, say, school's great because I was studying acting. And then he was, you know, he is a businessman in Sweden. One morning he comes home, and on the afternoon, he comes home after work and gets the, you know, evening paper and opens it. And there's a shot of Grace Jones at Studio 54 with her, her new boyfriend, you know, her toy boy, you know.

• 40:56Sam Morril?

  Oh, boy.

• 40:56Speaker 03

  And there was this guy in leather pants, no shirt, sunglasses, and it was me.

• 41:01Sam Morril?

  Hey!

• 41:02Speaker 03

  And I think my dad was like, what the hell happened, you know, so.

• 41:05Sam Morril?

  This is a one eighty.

• 41:06Speaker 03

  And I had to tell him, yeah, I had to tell him.

• 41:08Sam Morril?

  Well, you can go to, you go to MIT and still go to Studio 54.

• 41:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, you could, you could.

• 41:14Sam Morril?

  But I guess that guy, that ain't no, uh, that ain't no PhD.

• 41:18Speaker 03

  That ain't near it. See, I've had a little too much of something there.

• 41:21Sam Morril?

  Hell, yeah.

• 41:22Speaker 03

  Uh, and, uh, yeah, 54 was interesting because it was, there were no bottle services, nothing like that. You paid 20 bucks and you were in, you know, to do what you want.

• 41:33Sam Morril?

  And the drugs were just everywhere, right?

• 41:35Speaker 03

  Drugs, yeah.

• 41:36Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 41:37Speaker 03

  Sex and drugs everywhere.

• 41:38Sam Morril?

  Warhol. Did, when you walked in there, did you walk in there only as a, as a guy in a relationship? Or did you go there as a single guy as well?

• 41:45Speaker 03

  No, only as a guy in a relationship.

• 41:48Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 41:48Speaker 03

  So I was, I was very innocent and I, I was just looking around going, what the hell, you know?

• 41:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 41:54Speaker 03

  Seeing all this stuff going down, but, uh, I was pretty, uh, I was, I was, you know, I was faithful to Grace and, uh, we were in love, so I didn't mess around, but, uh.

• 42:04Sam Morril?

  Sure. What about Warhol? Was he, did you see?

• 42:07Speaker 03

  Warhol was a cool guy. I met him, um. Separate one day I was uh one night I was at a club the club A it was a club A I think and she wasn't there and he some little guy comes up takes a picture of me when there's Instamatic you know Cameron what are you famous for and I'm like

• 42:24Mark Normand?

  Nah.

• 42:24Speaker 03

  Nothing as far as I know and he's like I'll put you in my magazine anyway it was him and and

• 42:29Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 42:29Speaker 03

  And then I realized him and Grace were good friends and he would it would go to the factory and she would be maybe he would like take pictures of her but I would walk around behind you know in the back

• 42:40Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 42:40Speaker 03

  Area where he had all his all his artwork and stuff stashed away.

• 42:44Mark Normand?

  Mm hmm. Man.

• 42:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was he was an interesting guy you know very friendly and smart I mean

• 42:50Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 42:51Speaker 03

  I saw that documentary um oh yeah that's the picture my dad saw I think that was

• 42:55Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 42:57Speaker 03

  I think that's the one yeah.

• 42:59Mark Normand?

  Like dad that's my teacher.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  Yeah. There's my there's my chemical engineering student.

• 43:04Mark Normand?

  What?

• 43:05Speaker 03

  Fulbright scholar yeah there he is on the left.

• 43:07Sam Morril?

  How did you land on that outfit that's a crazy look.

• 43:10Mark Normand?

  I mean if you look like that you gotta show it off.

• 43:12Speaker 03

  I think it was Grace you know I like the gloves the leather gloves kind of makes it work.

• 43:17Mark Normand?

  Gloves.

• 43:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:18Mark Normand?

  Man I'd love to watch you two have sex.

• 43:23Speaker 03

  The rubber leather gloves is like the touch it's uh yeah that's those cool.

• 43:28Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 43:28Speaker 03

  Yeah that was in Paris we were in Paris and I uh carried her up the staircase there at some premiere. Um it was fun.

• 43:38Mark Normand?

  Where's she from?

• 43:38Speaker 03

  She's from Jamaica.

• 43:40Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 43:40Speaker 03

  She grew up here her dad was a minister up upstate New York.

• 43:44Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 43:45Speaker 03

  And then she lived in Paris when she was younger she spoke fluent French and uh you know very very nice lady.

• 43:52Mark Normand?

  Uh huh.

• 43:53Speaker 03

  You know obviously it was you know I met you know David Bowie Michael Jackson all these characters that sort of influenced me to To try to perhaps, maybe I thought chemical engineering was not as attractive anymore. I thought maybe show business could be good.

• 44:09Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 44:10Speaker 03

  I used to act when I was younger, so I took some acting lessons. And then I, I went up for some movies and I ended up landing a part in a, in the Rocket picture, you know?

• 44:19Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 44:20Speaker 03

  Because I was also European heavyweight champion in karate.

• 44:23Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 44:24Speaker 03

  I had the moves and, and like Slime says, you can't teach someone to fight, you know? So it's like, you gotta know, there's not enough time to teach somebody to move well.

• 44:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:34Speaker 03

  I had it for a big white guy, a great white hope.

• 44:36Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 44:37Speaker 03

  I had to move, you know, so it worked well for the picture.

• 44:40Sam Morril?

  Was anyone in the street where they'd recognize you for Rocky IV mad at you for killing Creed?

• 44:44Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 44:44Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 44:45Speaker 03

  Especially uptown, you know?

• 44:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:48Speaker 03

  What'd you kill the brother for?

• 44:50Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 44:50Speaker 03

  No, I was in trouble up there, yeah. Stayed in my limo, you know, this is the eighties, you know?

• 44:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:56Speaker 03

  Stay in the limo.

• 44:57Sam Morril?

  You pull out Grace, you're like, no, I'm cool.

• 44:58Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 44:59Sam Morril?

  I'm chilling.

• 45:00Speaker 03

  That saved me, you know?

• 45:01Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 45:01Speaker 03

  Saved me, you know, I'm still, I still got, I got some, some points for that.

• 45:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 45:06Speaker 03

  I'll say my ass.

• 45:07Sam Morril?

  Did you fight this guy for the championship?

• 45:09Speaker 03

  Um.

• 45:10Mark Normand?

  It's a little unfair fight at all.

• 45:11Speaker 03

  Oh, you mean the, the guy, yeah.

• 45:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 45:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, that guy on the right, yes, I fought him, uh, nice guy, but, you know, I think he got pretty badly knocked out.

• 45:22Speaker 03

  I think so, yeah.

• 45:23Mark Normand?

  This looks like, um.

• 45:24Speaker 03

  I felt sorry for him, I, I was not a mean person, I just.

• 45:27Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 45:28Speaker 03

  I just had to win, you know?

• 45:29Mark Normand?

  Wow, looks like Nazi propaganda. A white man winning against the disgusting ground.

• 45:36Speaker 03

  Sorry.

• 45:40Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 45:41Sam Morril?

  Well, should we try your, should we try your vodka?

• 45:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 45:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 45:43Mark Normand?

  Get the hooch going, get the sauce.

• 45:45Sam Morril?

  Stand Mike while you do it here, make us a drink with your, uh.

• 45:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:48Mark Normand?

  Tell us what we got here.

• 45:49Sam Morril?

  Hard cut vodka, it's, it's forty-five percent alcohol.

• 45:52Mark Normand?

  No, more than that, huh?

• 45:53Speaker 03

  Forty-five, man, that's it.

• 45:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 45:55Sam Morril?

  That's high for vodka, right?

• 45:56Mark Normand?

  Ninety proof, that's what I remember.

• 45:58Speaker 03

  So let's see, we're gonna do three, what's that, seven and a half? Yeah, so it's, it's high proof vodka.

• 46:03Mark Normand?

  Woo, baby.

• 46:04Speaker 03

  Uh, it's potato.

• 46:06Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 46:06Speaker 03

  And only about one, one, two, three percent of all vodkas in America are made from potato.

• 46:11Mark Normand?

  Ah, so it's an American vodka?

• 46:13Speaker 03

  American, from Idaho.

• 46:14Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 46:15Speaker 03

  Idaho potatoes.

• 46:16Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 46:17Speaker 03

  Hell, yeah, man, Idaho potatoes and Rocky Mountain water.

• 46:21Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 46:22Sam Morril?

  They'll rock. Sounds healthy.

• 46:23Speaker 03

  The Rocky IV Mountain water.

• 46:27Speaker 03

  Let's see, I gotta keep the recipe in my head. So, yeah, I do a five to one martini, five parts vodka, one part of vermouth. Oh, that's the right vermouth.

• 46:38Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 46:39Speaker 03

  And she show three times.

• 46:41Mark Normand?

  MIT over here.

• 46:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, I know. Finally.

• 46:45Mark Normand?

  This is the MIT dropout.

• 46:48Speaker 03

  My dad will be proud of me now.

• 46:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 46:50Speaker 03

  He'll use my skills.

• 46:53Mark Normand?

  Ooh, this is exciting. I'm going to Helsinki in a month.

• 46:56Speaker 03

  Oh, you guys?

• 46:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, doing some shows over there.

• 46:58Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 46:59Mark Normand?

  Pretty excited.

• 46:59Speaker 03

  I like to drink.

• 47:00Sam Morril?

  Already?

• 47:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, quick stint.

• 47:03Sam Morril?

  I just, I did Sweden last year. I played Stockholm. Very cool.

• 47:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's where I'm going. Sorry, not Helsinki, Stockholm.

• 47:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 47:10Speaker 03

  Oh, you go to Stockholm?

• 47:11Sam Morril?

  I went there last year.

• 47:12Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah?

• 47:12Sam Morril?

  I didn't get to spend a ton of time there, but yeah, the crowd was awesome. I had a great time.

• 47:16Speaker 03

  It is a fun place. We're going in a couple of weeks, next week over. Sorry, I'm just looking at my wife over there. She's from Norway.

• 47:24Sam Morril?

  I love Norway, too.

• 47:26Mark Normand?

  Norway's great. You seem too bubbly to be from Norway. I've been there before. It's a lot of gray scowls. Lot of reindeer.

• 47:35Sam Morril?

  I mean, they eat whale over there.

• 47:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:38Sam Morril?

  What, um...

• 47:39Speaker 03

  Could be a little bit diluted now because the ice is a bit, I mean, it's been sitting for a while.

• 47:44Mark Normand?

  Sure. I like a little ice belt.

• 47:48Speaker 03

  A little dilution.

• 47:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:50Speaker 03

  So, it's overproof, ninety proof, so that means it actually holds the ice pretty well.

• 47:56Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 47:57Speaker 03

  Because you want to get diluted with ice because it has high forty-five ABV. It's kind of, it makes for a pretty good cocktail.

• 48:05Sam Morril?

  We have a whiskey, you know way more already.

• 48:07Mark Normand?

  Than we do about ours.

• 48:08Sam Morril?

  Sure, yeah. This is our, we have our whiskey, a bodega.

• 48:10Speaker 03

  Oh, you do?

• 48:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 48:12Mark Normand?

  Take a look.

• 48:13Speaker 03

  Bodega cat.

• 48:14Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 48:15Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 48:16Speaker 03

  Bodega. I lived in Spain for ten years.

• 48:18Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 48:19Speaker 03

  Bodegas. Okay, let's see. Everything, there you go. Sir, there you go, guys.

• 48:26Mark Normand?

  Gracias.

• 48:27Speaker 03

  There you go. Now I cancel my afternoon meeting so I can have a drink.

• 48:31Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 48:32Speaker 03

  The only problem with the cocktail, these olives not supposed to have the chili in it because it kind of takes over, but...

• 48:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 48:38Speaker 03

  Anyway, screw it.

• 48:39Mark Normand?

  Cheers. Screw it. I'll take mine out.

• 48:43Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's delicious, dude.

• 48:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's so smooth.

• 48:46Sam Morril?

  That is incredible.

• 48:47Mark Normand?

  Man.

• 48:48Speaker 03

  You like it, right?

• 48:48Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 48:49Speaker 03

  It's pretty good, right? Yeah, it's very smooth. Potato. So potato means there's starch here and it has more, like all the other vodkas, Belvedere, you know, the other ones, Kettle One, they're all wheat.

• 48:59Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 49:00Speaker 03

  Potatoes is corn, but potato's the way to go.

• 49:03Mark Normand?

  I like potato, because I'm gluten intolerant.

• 49:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's right. That's another reason, yeah.

• 49:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, this is really good, dude.

• 49:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's good stuff. This'll be my new vodka. I was a Tito's man, because I'm a cheap fuck. But that is really tasty.

• 49:17Speaker 03

  This is almost the same price as Tito's. It's not that expensive.

• 49:21Mark Normand?

  Beautiful.

• 49:21Sam Morril?

  Was doing Creed 2 a lot of fun?

• 49:24Speaker 03

  Yeah. It was great. I mean, I've done, I did Rocky IV with Sly and then I did those Three Expendables pictures. So I kind of had a relationship with them. But then Creed 2 came along and I had a script. I mean, I got, I heard about it and I didn't want to make it because I thought, I really wanted to play this Ivan Drago guy again. And they'll probably have him be a bad, you know, disgusting Russian character.

• 49:51Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 49:51Speaker 03

  No redeeming features. But it turned out, it was a pretty good script and

• 49:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 49:56Speaker 03

  I thought he had a good arc, you know, and the fact that my character has this kind of hard relationship with his son, which reminded me of my relationship with my dad. So it was actually, I could kind of play my dad in the movie. I could kind of be kind of the way he was to me a little bit. But in the movie, I had a chance to resolve it kind of in a good way. So it felt, it was kind of personal. Huh?

• 50:23Sam Morril?

  You threw in the towel.

• 50:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, I threw in the towel and gave him a hug. I said, "Don't worry about it, it's okay."

• 50:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 50:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:29Sam Morril?

  That's a cool thing about those movies is like, they surprise you. Like, the first Creed surprised me. I didn't expect it to be that good either.

• 50:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, the first one was really good.

• 50:37Sam Morril?

  Really good. Yeah, the first two are really good.

• 50:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:40Mark Normand?

  I think you gotta surprise them, because everyone's expecting a certain thing. And they go, "Is this just a copy of a copy?" And then if you twist it on people, they go, "All right, it was actually good and original."

• 50:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 50:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, the first one was really interesting. They came up with the idea of Apollo Creed having a legitimate son. And that was, I mean, what a wonderful idea for a movie. And then the fact that he gets Rocket to train him, I mean, yeah. And Sly was great in that movie. He was nominated for an Academy Award. He won the Golden Globe. It was really good. I love that picture.

• 51:13Mark Normand?

  I'll tell you, it's good to see an actor still drinking.

• 51:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:16Mark Normand?

  You know, all these actors, they go all queefy, they get vegan, they go to yoga, they go to a retreat and do ayahuasca, they never drink again, and they've become a Scientologist.

• 51:26Speaker 03

  No, I mean, I like, I don't drink that much, but I like to drink once in a while.

• 51:30Mark Normand?

  They're gonna become a Scientologist.

• 51:32Speaker 03

  No, I like to enjoy my liquor when I have it. So I wouldn't, that's why I like this. And I think, you know, it's got a nice little bite to it because it's, it's not, it's smooth, but it's, you know, the, the overproof makes it kind of, makes it more flavorful, but also, you know, picks you up, makes you feel good.

• 51:51Mark Normand?

  I feel real good.

• 51:51Speaker 03

  Do you feel it already a little bit, right?

• 51:53Mark Normand?

  I'm a little bit.

• 51:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Martinis, we're classic cocktail drinkers. So we like Manhattan's, Negronis, Martinis. We're, you know, I like the classics.

• 52:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Hey, we might be drunk is brought to you by Kalshi. We love Kalshi. Great stuff. You can bet on anything. It's pretty genius. Rotten Tomato score, mayor's race, what the team colors are gonna be, who's gonna win an Emmy, who's gonna win an Oscar, who's got a bigger hog. It's got it all. It's the largest legal prediction market in the US. These are real money markets where people are actually trading on what they think will happen. I got 200 on Iran. Kalshi has markets on almost everything. Politics, movies, music, crypto, sports, and more. They have over a million users in all 50 states, and they

• 52:41Mark Normand?

  have facilitated over 2 billion worth of trades. This is the only place to trade on these events in all 50 states. So, put your money where your mouth is and sign up using our link, kalshi.com/drunk. And the first 500 traders that trade 100 contracts will get a free $10 credit. That's K-A-L-S-H-I dot com slash drunks. Kalshi, you can trade on that.

• 53:10Speaker 03

  I had a um at BCB in Brooklyn, a bar come in Brooklyn. I was here yesterday and Dale DeGraff was this famous bartender from um you know, he was at Rainbow Room.

• 53:24Mark Normand?

  Oh wow.

• 53:25Speaker 03

  Top of the Rock and he uh he made me a Negroni with hard cut. It was really good.

• 53:29Mark Normand?

  Damn, vodka Negroni.

• 53:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, Digroni he called it because of DeGraff, right.

• 53:35Mark Normand?

  I like it. I've been to that Rainbow Room. It was I went as a kid with my dad and he got the martini. I remember it was seventeen dollars and I was like, Jesus Christ. Now that's what like a beer goes for.

• 53:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:46Mark Normand?

  But it was, you know, the nineties.

• 53:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was nice. They opened. I was there in the nineties too. I was there. I lived here in the nineties. So I was up there and it was cool. It was like forties.

• 53:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 53:57Speaker 03

  Thirty, forty.

• 53:57Mark Normand?

  Where do you live now?

• 53:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, West Hollywood, LA. We live in LA and um I I miss New York. I I really enjoyed being out here. I mean, this is where I first came when I first moved to America and have all great memories from the city. And and it's just been great to be back for a week for for our vodka.

• 54:15Mark Normand?

  Was New York wild in the eighties? You see all the the porn theaters, the hobos, the pimps, the hookers, drugs?

• 54:20Speaker 03

  Drugs. Yeah, everybody was armed. Uh I was I was um I I was going out with my man was I was with Grace. You know, first week, I think I was with her and here in New York and she asked me to get her cigarettes out of her purse. And I I looked around and come up with this little gun, you know, it looked like a toy gun. It was like a Derringer, like a two-shot, thirty-two. And I said, is this real?

• 54:43Mark Normand?

  Like a Durango or?

• 54:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, Durango. Yeah. I said, is this real? She said, yeah, it's real. Why do you carry a gun? Oh, she said, oh, you know, last year, me and my boyfriend at the time, we were held up at gunpoint. They tied us up, you know, and went through the apartment. I was like, they climbed in through the window and it's like.

• 54:58Mark Normand?

  You're like, that's not happening with me.

• 55:00Speaker 03

  Not gonna happen to me, man. Immediately went to buy a couple of guns in Colorado.

• 55:04Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 55:04Speaker 03

  Was carrying one or two guns all the time. And this is before they had like, you know, um they didn't have any metal detectors.

• 55:11Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 55:12Speaker 03

  You could walk into a club, you know, armed.

• 55:14Mark Normand?

  Holy moly.

• 55:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, but no, I never had to use it. So that was good.

• 55:19Mark Normand?

  God, you're like if a woman created a man in a lab.

• 55:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 55:22Mark Normand?

  Six, five, muscular with the karate, so you're tough, and you got the MIT, and then actor. You got it all.

• 55:30Sam Morril?

  You got a lot.

• 55:30Speaker 03

  And two guns.

• 55:31Mark Normand?

  And two guns. Everybody loves a gun.

• 55:35Speaker 03

  No, those two guns and the other ones.

• 55:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah. And then you got to be, speaking of guns, you did Expendables?

• 55:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:42Mark Normand?

  That must have been just pure fun.

• 55:44Speaker 03

  That was great. No, that was really good.

• 55:46Sam Morril?

  It was a full cast, because it's so many badass dudes.

• 55:48Mark Normand?

  Killer cast.

• 55:49Speaker 03

  Yeah. No, that was, that was cool. I got a script from somebody, uh, my agent sent me a script. It was like a skull with a raven sitting on it, it said Expendables. And I read the script, and by Sylvester Stallone. So I hadn't read Stallone's script since, you know, 1985, since Rocky IV. So I started reading it. It was funny, fun as hell, like.

• 56:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 56:10Speaker 03

  Over the top, like brutal, but it had like on page four, it said, you know, Gunner Jensen, drunk, swede, carrying a big bowie knife. And I'm like, okay, I guess this is my character.

• 56:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 56:22Speaker 03

  And I fire out this anti-tank gun and blow this guy's, you know, this pirate, blow him up. And I just, the boots left, you know.

• 56:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 56:31Speaker 03

  Hit him with his rocket. So, yeah, it was, it was fun. I showed up on set, give Sly a big hug, and it was great to be on film with him again.

• 56:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 56:40Speaker 03

  And when that came out, I hadn't been on the big screen, uh, because I lived in Spain, so my career had gone down. I hadn't been in the movies for, uh, like 15 years on the big screen, so it felt really great.

• 56:52Mark Normand?

  I mean, look at this. Steve Austin, uh.

• 56:54Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 56:55Mark Normand?

  Uh, Statham, Randy Couture. I mean, this is insanity.

• 56:59Speaker 03

  Jet Li.

• 57:00Sam Morril?

  Aw, damn.

• 57:01Mark Normand?

  Jet Li, Gary Cruz.

• 57:03Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 57:04Mark Normand?

  Nick Rourke.

• 57:06Speaker 03

  I don't think, I don't know if you could do that today, but he pulled it, pulled that together.

• 57:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 57:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:10Mark Normand?

  Well, that's the thing about Sly is he loved movies. Like, he could, you know, people, yo Adrian, he'd get made fun of, but like, he like wrote Rocky himself.

• 57:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's another dude who you're like, you hear in an interview and you're like, oh, this dude's way smarter than I thought he would be.

• 57:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 57:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's very smart.

• 57:22Sam Morril?

  I hear him talk about movies and also the fact that he just bet, I love, everyone knows the story, but the fact that he just bet on himself.

• 57:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:28Sam Morril?

  It's like similar, we had.

• 57:29Mark Normand?

  Chaz Palminteri on this podcast, who like similar thing with Bronx Tale, just like they're like, we'll make it for this much money if you're not in, and he was like, fuck you, this is my movie. So, did you work with Chaz at the nightclub, was that, was that true?

• 57:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, at Limelight. Yeah, I was, but he was in the back, I was in the front. I was one of the goons in the front, you know, I was one of those guys. He wasn't more in the back, he was more sophisticated, he was taking care of the VIP room or something. And I was up there with some, you know, yeah, it was, it was cool, it was a good time, it was, uh, you know, it was an old church that was, uh,

• 58:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:03Speaker 03

  Turned into, it was kind of sacrilegious, people were upset, but it did very well, you know?

• 58:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's still, you can still see the church right there on, in Chelsea.

• 58:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was there and, uh, you know, there was me and a couple of other tough guys, or, you know, and then there was a little, you know, the main, um, the main doorman was, you know, a little guy named Fred. Nice guy, he would pick everybody out, you know, whoever looked cool could get in.

• 58:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:30Speaker 03

  And he got all the bribes, he got all the money, he got all the coke, you know, whatever they bribed him with. And then at the end of the night, he was, you know, he'll give everybody a little share.

• 58:39Mark Normand?

  Hey, funny, how much coke you think you were doing in the eighties? I mean, I know it was just everybody.

• 58:44Speaker 03

  I didn't do that much myself, but people were doing it everywhere.

• 58:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was like you went to, go to a restaurant, like a really top restaurant, and people would be doing coke at the table.

• 58:54Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 58:55Speaker 03

  Passing it around, like, nobody thought about it.

• 58:57Mark Normand?

  I think it's coming back, I think coke is.

• 59:00Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 59:00Mark Normand?

  Everywhere I go.

• 59:01Sam Morril?

  I've heard that.

• 59:02Mark Normand?

  We go on the road.

• 59:02Sam Morril?

  I'm too old for that shit.

• 59:03Mark Normand?

  Doing comedy, and everywhere people are offering me coke and.

• 59:06Sam Morril?

  You're playing good venues now, what the hell, you're not playing Sanford and Son.

• 59:09Mark Normand?

  I think my fan base is a bunch of degenerate addicts, but they're always throwing coke at me.

• 59:13Sam Morril?

  You take coke from a stranger now, you're a fucking idiot.

• 59:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's true, yeah.

• 59:17Mark Normand?

  Well, come to my apartment.

• 59:20Sam Morril?

  I know you.

• 59:21Mark Normand?

  Just in case.

• 59:22Sam Morril?

  Well, yeah, that's so, at this time, like, people are just offering you blow everywhere. How about, like, what would?

• 59:29Mark Normand?

  The gay bars, they must be all over you.

• 59:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, yeah, Grace had a big gay audience, you know, she performed at a lot of these places on Christopher Street and a lot of these clubs, I can't remember all the names now, but I would come with her. I didn't quite understand what was going on, I was a little bit naive, you know?

• 59:50Speaker 03

  You know, we lived in the West Village on Bank and West.

• 59:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:53Speaker 03

  And I, I bought this motorcycle, this big black Yamaha 1200, and I would drive around with my leather pants, no shirt.

• 1:00:00Mark Normand?

  Woo!

• 1:00:01Speaker 03

  And glasses.

• 1:00:01Sam Morril?

  You're so much more of a man than a-

• 1:00:03Speaker 03

  People are so, but people are so friendly, you know? I guess, you know, everybody stopped me, "Hey, how you doing?", like, all these friendly people down there in the village. It's like, they invited home, got invited home to a lot of people, but I stayed out, I got, I got out of trouble, stayed out of trouble.

• 1:00:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, but, uh, it was, it was cool, I mean, uh-

• 1:00:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, make their day.

• 1:00:23Sam Morril?

  Their neighbor.

• 1:00:24Speaker 03

  But you know, you know what they say is, uh, was that time between, was it the, uh, the invention of the, uh, of the pill and AIDS?

• 1:00:35Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:00:36Speaker 03

  Twenty years where anything went and you didn't have to worry, you know, didn't have to worry about anything.

• 1:00:41Mark Normand?

  Good invention and a bad invention. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:44Speaker 03

  Exactly, yeah, between there was a pretty crazy time in New York, for sure.

• 1:00:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, a hundred percent. Jesus, these pictures, I mean-

• 1:00:50Sam Morril?

  Dude, I remember you were, you were the first Punisher.

• 1:00:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's right!

• 1:00:54Speaker 03

  That's it, that movie, that picture from The Punisher, that's from Australia. I, I shot that in, uh, we shot it in, um, Sydney, Australia.

• 1:01:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, cool.

• 1:01:04Speaker 03

  And they had the same, the costume designer was the woman who did Mad Max with, uh, Mel Gibson, so it had the same kind of look, the leather, yeah.

• 1:01:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:15Sam Morril?

  I remember loving that movie as a kid, I watched it.

• 1:01:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:01:18Sam Morril?

  That was like, you know.

• 1:01:19Mark Normand?

  That was badass. Eighty-seven. Wow, look at that. Now, are you, you ever wanna write stuff?

• 1:01:27Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:01:28Mark Normand?

  Like, write a movie?

• 1:01:30Speaker 03

  The right stuff. You mean the, the space book? No.

• 1:01:32Mark Normand?

  No, like, do you ever wanna write things?

• 1:01:34Speaker 03

  Oh, right, right. Yes, I do write. Uh, I've written a couple of scripts or co-written scripts, and I directed about seven, eight movies, so I-

• 1:01:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, nice.

• 1:01:42Speaker 03

  Smaller movies, so I, uh, I like to write, too. It's just fun, or at least rewrite, you know?

• 1:01:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:48Speaker 03

  When you're direct, you should get a script and it's sort of there, but you end up rewriting, fixing scenes to make sure it kind of flows, and, yeah, I have a script now, actually, that we're trying to, uh, we're developed and it's almost done now. It's sort of about, um, it's based, Lucy, on that Lady Gaga incident where some dog walker, walker shot, shot, oh, the dog walker got shot.

• 1:02:10Mark Normand?

  And they took the dogs?

• 1:02:11Speaker 03

  Took the dogs.

• 1:02:12Sam Morril?

  Those bulldogs, they're currency in this city.

• 1:02:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's it.

• 1:02:15Mark Normand?

  Worth thousands and thousands of stuff.

• 1:02:16Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, like, hundreds of grand. She, she offered like five hundred grand, I think, and-

• 1:02:20Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:02:20Sam Morril?

  They're finding another dog walker.

• 1:02:22Speaker 03

  And somebody came up with, uh, this idea that these two kids are, you, you know, they're like, um, small-time gangsters, they owe a lot of money to the mob, and they were desperate and they decided gonna steal some celebrity dogs to, you know, ransom them back and, uh- One, one, they steal these two French bulldogs, or whatever they are, Pomeranians.

• 1:02:43Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:02:43Speaker 03

  Maybe even smaller. And, uh, they're my dogs, so, anyway, um, I play myself, so, but another version of myself.

• 1:02:51Sam Morril?

  Taken, but you're getting your dogs back?

• 1:02:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I called a couple of guys from The Expondables to help me.

• 1:02:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, hell, yeah.

• 1:02:58Speaker 03

  Randy and a few others, Fifty and, yeah.

• 1:03:00Mark Normand?

  I mean, John Wick was, the dog was killed.

• 1:03:03Sam Morril?

  Well, that's quite cause no one can side with something. Like, you kill a, a person, you're like, alright, fuck them, but you kill a dog, you're like, I hope you rot in hell.

• 1:03:11Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:03:11Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:03:12Mark Normand?

  There's something about that. Even Tony Soprano was mad about the dog more than the-

• 1:03:16Sam Morril?

  Exactly.

• 1:03:17Speaker 03

  And, you know, if you write a script, like, if you, you can kill twenty guys in a row, but if you shoot a dog, you've been in the script.

• 1:03:24Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:03:24Speaker 03

  You know, the studio's gonna go, well, do you have to do this?

• 1:03:28Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:03:29Speaker 03

  Is there another way around this somehow?

• 1:03:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:32Speaker 03

  We shot thirty people in the scene before.

• 1:03:34Sam Morril?

  So you're gonna do some crazy stunts in it, you think? You'll still throw down?

• 1:03:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, a little bit, a little bit of fights and stuff, kinda old school. Like Exponable's style, you know?

• 1:03:42Mark Normand?

  You're right about the dog, like P. Diddy got caught beating up Cassie in that hotel. But if that was a dog, he'd already be in jail. Like, we wouldn't even have the trial. The woman, wow, we could take her leave.

• 1:03:53Sam Morril?

  Beat up Cassie.

• 1:03:53Mark Normand?

  I'm a female dog.

• 1:03:54Speaker 03

  Baby oil and old baby oil, he would've been in jail.

• 1:03:57Mark Normand?

  Cassie not Lassie.

• 1:04:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, I forgot about that Lady Gaga thing, that was crazy, that fucked her up.

• 1:04:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, so anyway, that's, it's kind of a script that I've been working on a little bit. So we have writers work on it, but you know, sometimes you gotta rewrite stuff yourself. I don't think I'll direct it, but I'll probably, I'm in it, but I'll produce it maybe.

• 1:04:19Mark Normand?

  But don't you hate, like, we're, we wrote a movie, and we've been in showbiz, quote unquote. The, the meetings, the getting things greenlit, the.

• 1:04:28Sam Morril?

  These fuckers are in Turks and Caicos, six months a year. Stop taking vacations. You meet some woman who's taking like four maternity leaves, she's got two babies, you know? It's like, they're never not on vacation, these people.

• 1:04:39Mark Normand?

  And, and we do stand-ups, we write the joke, we tell the joke, we're done, we make a special. With the movie, there's so many cooks in the kitchen, and legal, and money.

• 1:04:48Sam Morril?

  Oh, they're moving meetings all the time, and I'm like, you don't even do anything, why do you keep?

• 1:04:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's true. No, it's, it, look, show business is, uh, it's like that, um, series, um, The Offer. You ever see that about making of a.

• 1:05:00Sam Morril?

  I read the book.

• 1:05:01Speaker 03

  A Godfather?

• 1:05:01Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:05:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's still like that, a little bit, like, you know?

• 1:05:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, totally.

• 1:05:05Speaker 03

  And, uh, that's actually why I like, I like the liquor business a little bit, because it's just a little more easygoing, people are a little more chilled, you know?

• 1:05:14Mark Normand?

  Agreed.

• 1:05:15Speaker 03

  I mean, movie business, you're right, everybody's uptight, and people are kinda insecure and scared.

• 1:05:20Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:05:21Speaker 03

  Because there's such a big investment in a, you know, in, in a very, on, on, um, you're very, nobody's sure about, nobody knows shit, you know? Nobody knows anything, and nobody knows if it's gonna work, you give two hundred million, you could still bomb, and then you lose all your money. So it's a very risky business, you know?

• 1:05:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:38Speaker 03

  People are scared because of that, I think, and that's why they have attitude, and that's why it's so hard to get shit done, you know?

• 1:05:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I agree, but I also think that's why the internet is, is kind of starting to take over, because it's just.

• 1:05:51Sam Morril?

  It's right there.

• 1:05:52Mark Normand?

  Right there and it's quicker.

• 1:05:53Sam Morril?

  And then it's here, you post it.

• 1:05:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:05:55Sam Morril?

  I suppose all these meetings, but I gotta ask you, are there any roles that you were like this close to getting?

• 1:05:59Mark Normand?

  Ooh, good question, good question.

• 1:06:02Speaker 03

  Not, not that many, you know, audition only twice, audition for Rocky IV and for Aquaman. I, I had to audition for that because Warner Brothers, you know, I was playing a king, I didn't have that much action. Anyway, but there was one script that somebody sent me in the nineties, it was a script called Gladiator, and I read it, I was in my apartment here in New York, I read it, so this is kind of, this, this is not very good, you know.

• 1:06:24Mark Normand?

  Oh my god.

• 1:06:27Speaker 03

  This is before, um, you know, before.

• 1:06:30Sam Morril?

  And this is your beautiful mind, like this sucks too.

• 1:06:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, before, uh, what's his name was involved, the Australian guy.

• 1:06:35Mark Normand?

  Ridley.

• 1:06:36Speaker 03

  Ridley Scott and, uh, Russell Crowe, yeah, it was before that, but anyway, yeah, that could have been nice to be in that.

• 1:06:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, best picture.

• 1:06:44Speaker 03

  Sucks.

• 1:06:45Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:06:46Speaker 03

  Well, best picture, best actor, anyway.

• 1:06:50Sam Morril?

  What, what are your, like, what are your favorite movies?

• 1:06:53Mark Normand?

  And you look better than Russell now, so I think you won that one in the end.

• 1:06:56Sam Morril?

  And you drink.

• 1:06:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, pulled ahead.

• 1:06:58Sam Morril?

  He drinks too, though.

• 1:07:00Mark Normand?

  He do, he looks like it.

• 1:07:03Speaker 03

  Favorite movies, I mean, I, I liked Gladiator, for instance, that was a cool.

• 1:07:07Mark Normand?

  That's a great movie, it's a great movie.

• 1:07:09Speaker 03

  I like the more epic pictures, you know, like, um, I like Scorsese's movies too, like King, King of Comedy.

• 1:07:16Mark Normand?

  Wow, deep cut.

• 1:07:18Speaker 03

  Uh, you know, Taxi Driver.

• 1:07:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:21Speaker 03

  Goodfellas, all of those.

• 1:07:22Sam Morril?

  Taxi Driver's like a.

• 1:07:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, that one is, is amazing, maybe his best, even.

• 1:07:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I, I'm with you.

• 1:07:27Speaker 03

  Cause it didn't have any monies, you had to be very smart about how you shot things, you know, um.

• 1:07:33Sam Morril?

  That's score too, holy shit.

• 1:07:35Speaker 03

  Oh, the score, yeah, yeah, I know.

• 1:07:37Mark Normand?

  There's some great Swedish movies too, what was that, was it Let the Right One In? Is that Swedish?

• 1:07:41Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, I never saw that, but it's good.

• 1:07:43Mark Normand?

  It's great, it's great, and then what about About a Fall? Was that Swedish, or am I retarded?

• 1:07:48Sam Morril?

  Anatomy of Fall?

• 1:07:48Mark Normand?

  Anatomy of Fall.

• 1:07:49Sam Morril?

  No, that's not Swedish.

• 1:07:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:50Speaker 03

  Anatomy of Fall.

• 1:07:51Mark Normand?

  I'm an idiot.

• 1:07:52Sam Morril?

  I think it's French.

• 1:07:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's, there are a lot of good movies out there.

• 1:07:55Mark Normand?

  Great movie.

• 1:07:56Sam Morril?

  I love that one.

• 1:07:56Speaker 03

  I saw like, I saw this fairly recent picture, not too long ago, which is not really my type of movie, but I like the way the director called Greta Goes West. You seen it once?

• 1:08:08Mark Normand?

  Yes, I've heard this.

• 1:08:09Speaker 03

  Greta Goes We- uh, no, is it Greta or is it, uh, is the name is?

• 1:08:13Mark Normand?

  Ingrid.

• 1:08:14Speaker 03

  Ingrid Goes West. Uh, Greta's my daughter, so I need another drink, but Ingrid, Ingrid Goes West. Yeah, it's this cool movie, uh, this director, I mean, cause there was a script that this, uh, they, somebody wants to make, and this is, this supposed to, this guy was gonna direct it, Mark Spitzer, Spicer?

• 1:08:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:08:34Speaker 03

  So I watched the movie and it was actually really cool. It's, it's really well done and, uh, kind of, I don't know how to describe it, but he has his own style, but it's about this girl who, she's like infatuated by this, um, social media star. And she moves, she, her grandma dies and she inherits twenty grand and she moves to the house, like the neighboring, she rents the house next door to this woman. And she kind of starts kind of infiltrating her life, like, uh, becoming her best friend. And anyway, but the way it was shot was, was really nice. And it kind of reminded me of King of Comedy a little bit.

• 1:09:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, cause they're obsessed fan of stalking.

• 1:09:13Speaker 03

  It's like comedic, but it's straight.

• 1:09:15Sam Morril?

  When you were popping off?

• 1:09:16Speaker 03

  Uh, I had more, yeah, I have some, you know, when I was younger, yeah, they had a few.

• 1:09:21Sam Morril?

  And it became scary?

• 1:09:22Speaker 03

  Well, I had, well, let me see, when I, there was one guy who kept sending, uh, this is when I lived in Malibu, he kept sending letters, uh, from Death Row. He's mailing letters. And the thing was, uh, it was, you know, somebody gave me a bunch of them. This is before they had all, all kinds of, you know, ways to like intercept shit, but I did came in the mail and it would, the weird thing was it was too Dolph Lundgren, but, and they, this long letter, it didn't make much sense, but it was signed Dolph Lundgren. And that was kind of, that was the weird part.

• 1:09:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:57Speaker 03

  When the guy, that's when I had to call the FBI and somebody, yeah, I did actually.

• 1:10:02Mark Normand?

  That's when you know you made it.

• 1:10:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:04Mark Normand?

  That was Ingmar Bergman.

• 1:10:06Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, that's great. Seven Seal.

• 1:10:10Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:10:11Speaker 03

  We use some ideas from that in that script. It's called Broken Leash, the one where he steals my dogs.

• 1:10:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, nice.

• 1:10:18Speaker 03

  That we use some scenes from that picture. Uh, that there's, there's a scene in the movie where I'm trying to get my dogs back, you know, and I love these dogs. I'm kind of play a bit of a version of myself who's like super frustrated and, you know, he hates his career, he's doing all these, you know, dumbass movies with a bunch of, you know, you know, muscle heads, you know, he wants to like become a real actor. And then I get a chance to audition for this, um, for a Scorsese movie, actually. And he's doing a remake of that one, of, of the Seven Seal, because he loves Bergman.

• 1:10:53Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:10:54Speaker 03

  Bergman was the director. So anyway, so it's funny audition scene when I have flashbacks to the dogs being killed. And anyway, so anyway, so it is kind of like in the same vein as, uh, as King of Comedy a little bit.

• 1:11:07Mark Normand?

  I love that. Boy, that movie really hit you.

• 1:11:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, I love it.

• 1:11:11Mark Normand?

  Did you see Joker?

• 1:11:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:13Mark Normand?

  Joker had a little of that.

• 1:11:14Speaker 03

  They, they took some, some ideas from King of Comedy, I think.

• 1:11:18Mark Normand?

  Definitely.

• 1:11:19Speaker 03

  Definitely took some of that.

• 1:11:20Mark Normand?

  He's in that one.

• 1:11:22Speaker 03

  Oh, you are?

• 1:11:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:23Speaker 03

  The fact that they have the, uh, talk show host in there.

• 1:11:26Mark Normand?

  Yep, yep.

• 1:11:26Speaker 03

  And even, and also it's like a mix between Taxi Driver and King of Comedy.

• 1:11:31Mark Normand?

  Exactly, exactly, yeah, with Todd Phillips.

• 1:11:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:34Mark Normand?

  Yes, he did that one.

• 1:11:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:37Mark Normand?

  Funny, he was a comedic director, then he went full emo to Joker. I'm, uh, I'm feeling pretty good.

• 1:11:44Sam Morril?

  Pretty good.

• 1:11:44Speaker 03

  You get a good buzz from this.

• 1:11:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, I'm loving it.

• 1:11:47Speaker 03

  I know, yeah, it's good.

• 1:11:48Sam Morril?

  Where can people get hard cut, uh, vodka?

• 1:11:50Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:11:51Speaker 03

  Let's see, well, we're in California, like off-premise everywhere. Um, New York, we just launched like a couple of days ago, uh, on-premise in Bemelmans Bar, for instance.

• 1:12:02Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 1:12:02Speaker 03

  At the Coral.

• 1:12:03Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 1:12:04Speaker 03

  Uh, where, uh, where else are we?

• 1:12:06Mark Normand?

  What an expensive drink.

• 1:12:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, I know. Where else are we again? Uh, huh?

• 1:12:12Speaker 03

  Hudson Malone.

• 1:12:13Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's a great bar. Midtown, yeah.

• 1:12:15Speaker 03

  Sugar Monk, Ivory Peacock.

• 1:12:18Sam Morril?

  PJ Clark's that cool bar.

• 1:12:20Speaker 03

  Oh PJ, yeah, that guy runs it now, PJ Clark guy, yeah. We were there yesterday.

• 1:12:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, you're in some high-end joints.

• 1:12:27Speaker 03

  And then, you know, I did a signing down at Broadway Spirits on Broadway and then downtown. Did a signing there. We have a few off-premise accounts in New York. But I think I'm learning about the liquor business. New York's different because there's some rule in the state that you can only own, I think, three liquor stores per person. You can't, like in California, there's Bevmo. That's 146 stores.

• 1:12:55Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:12:55Speaker 03

  In Florida, you have ABC Liquor, it's about 100 stores. Then you have Total Wine, has 260 all over the country. But New York's kind of restricted. From the prohibition.

• 1:13:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:13:08Sam Morril?

  It's state by state here.

• 1:13:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, state by state.

• 1:13:12Sam Morril?

  I mean, you said that this is an easier business than film. And I'm like, fuck, well, that's how bad film is. Because this is not easy.

• 1:13:19Speaker 03

  It's not easier, but I don't think it's easier, but it's a little more pleasant.

• 1:13:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:24Speaker 03

  Film is like everybody's, everybody's a bit uptight because it's, I don't know why. It's just something about it.

• 1:13:31Mark Normand?

  I agree. They're all scared to lose their drugs.

• 1:13:32Sam Morril?

  Are you definitely making this movie about the dog?

• 1:13:34Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, I would think so, yeah. We're going out with a script now, doing the deck, yeah, about the dogs.

• 1:13:41Mark Normand?

  Broken leash.

• 1:13:42Speaker 03

  Broken leash, broken leash invest, yeah.

• 1:13:45Sam Morril?

  And drink Hard Cut, can they order it online as well, Hard Cut?

• 1:13:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think so. It's through Flavio. I think Flavio is the...

• 1:13:51Mark Normand?

  The website is Hard Cut, HardCutVodka.com.

• 1:13:54Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, okay.

• 1:13:55Mark Normand?

  Get it. This is good stuff.

• 1:13:57Speaker 03

  I know some of this.

• 1:13:57Sam Morril?

  I killed it like that. It's delicious.

• 1:13:59Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:14:00Sam Morril?

  And I love a martini.

• 1:14:01Mark Normand?

  And I want three more now, yeah.

• 1:14:03Speaker 03

  I'm gonna go take a nap.

• 1:14:04Mark Normand?

  Ah, come on.

• 1:14:06Sam Morril?

  Well, dude, it was so good to have you on and we appreciate it. I'll be at the Red Bank, New Jersey, July 12th, the Count Basie Theater. Then the Wilbur in Boston, August 7th, Irvine Improv, August 22nd through 24th. Then we have Oklahoma City the following week. The Brick Town Comedy Club, then I'm doing the Venetian in Vegas, September 19th. Rochester, New York, 25th through 27th. And then we got the Chicago Theater, October 4th. Winnipeg, Salt Lake City, and the big one, Carnegie Hall, New York City.

• 1:14:36Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:14:37Sam Morril?

  See you there.

• 1:14:37Mark Normand?

  That's exciting.

• 1:14:38Sam Morril?

  Mark, what you got?

• 1:14:39Speaker 03

  Are you guys doing together?

• 1:14:40Mark Normand?

  No, I'm just stand up. I'm just stand up.

• 1:14:43Sam Morril?

  We do our own thing.

• 1:14:44Speaker 03

  Oh, wow, that's great, man. Congratulations.

• 1:14:45Mark Normand?

  Thanks, thanks.

• 1:14:48Mark Normand?

  You ever tried stand up?

• 1:14:49Speaker 03

  No, no.

• 1:14:51Mark Normand?

  That would be fun.

• 1:14:51Speaker 03

  That's, that's, that's harsh, man. That's tough, man.

• 1:14:54Mark Normand?

  It's a lot of failure.

• 1:14:55Speaker 03

  It's fun, but a lot of failure.

• 1:14:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:14:57Speaker 03

  You gotta go through all the...

• 1:14:58Sam Morril?

  It's fun, though. It's a good life.

• 1:14:59Mark Normand?

  It's painful. All right, I'm in Eugene, Oregon, San Jose, Cape Cod, Connecticut, Ben Salem, at the Parks Casino, New Zealand, then we're going all over Australia.

• 1:15:11Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 1:15:11Mark Normand?

  Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, then we're back in the Hamptons, Calgary, Vegas, Dallas. Uh, just trying to get away from the, the family. Akron, Dayton, Halifax, Ottawa, Huntsville, Hattiesburg, you name it. And get yourself some Hard Cut, get yourself some Bodega Cat if you want a brown liquor.

• 1:15:30Sam Morril?

  You need both in your liquor cabinet. Get a little whiskey, get a little vodka.

• 1:15:32Mark Normand?

  This is Dolph and Grace Jones, right here. Mix and match, live it up. And Dolph, you're a fucking legend.

• 1:15:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you're awesome.

• 1:15:39Mark Normand?

  It's an honor to have you.

• 1:15:40Sam Morril?

  It's fun to have you.

• 1:15:41Mark Normand?

  The fact that you made me a drink is, uh, is one I can die happy.

• 1:15:46Sam Morril?

  Thank you.

• 1:15:46Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:15:47Mark Normand?

  You're, you're the man, you're the coolest, and I'd still fuck you.

• 1:15:53Mark Normand?

  Thank you, good night, and get Hard Cut.

• 1:15:55Sam Morril?

  All right.

• 1:16:42Speaker 04

  Progressive's Accident Response can contact emergency services if you're in a major accident. The only thing worse than someone you love being in an accident is not being able to help them. So Progressive is here to help when you can't. So get peace of mind knowing your loved ones are protected with Progressive's Accident Response. Learn more at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Limited availability in California. Driver is responsible for emergency and towing charges not covered by the policy. Coverage subject to policy terms and conditions.