How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future

Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Your mind holds the keys to create the life you want, but most people stay locked in their past instead of manifesting their future. Today, three transformation giants—Dr Joe Dispenza, Gabby Bernstein, and Eric Thomas—share their unique approaches to breaking free from limitations. Dr Joe reveals how our bodies can't distinguish between emotions created by experience versus thought alone, making your feelings the catalyst for your future. Gabby introduces her revolutionary four-step "check-in" process to heal wounded parts of yourself that block manifestation, sharing a personal transformation that led to instant synchronicities. Meanwhile, ET delivers the raw truth about taking responsibility, showing how the moment you stop blaming others and "take the keys back" to your life is when everything changes. This episode provides practical wisdom for anyone ready to overcome their past, heal internal wounds, and manifest their greatest future. Dr Joe’s Books:Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New OneBecoming SupernaturalYou Are the Placebo: Making Your Mind MatterGabby’s Books:The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear to FaithSelf HelpSuper Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life beyond Your Wildest DreamsEric’s books:You Owe You: Ignite Your Power, Your Purpose, and Your WhyGreatness Is Upon You: Laying the FoundationIn this episode you will learn:Why most people find it easier to believe in their past than their future and how to reverse this patternThe four-step check-in process to heal wounded parts that block manifestationHow to identify and transform the emotions of lack that prevent abundanceWhy taking back "the keys" to your life is the essential first step to transformationHow to create a harmonious relationship with your wounded parts through compassionWhy finding your personal North Star is crucial for sustaining motivation and purposeFor more information go to https://www.lewishowes.com/1760For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:Dr Joe Dispenza – greatness.lnk.to/1702SCGabby Bernstein – greatness.lnk.to/1714SCEric Thomas – greatness.lnk.to/1696SC Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy. And if you're looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you want to make it easier, you want to make it flow, you want to feel abundant, then make sure to go to makemoneymeasibook.com right now and get yourself a copy. I really think this is going to help you transform your relationship with money this moment, moving forward. We have some big guests and content coming up. Make sure you're following and stay tuned to this episode on the School of Greatness.

• 0:44Lewis Howes?

  Why do you think so many people lack the energy to create the vision, the dream that they want? Is it something they're missing? Is it something they don't have access to? Or they lack that energy that heals and draws to them their dreams?

• 0:59Joe Dispenza?

  I think that, you know, we live in chronic disbelief. What if the truth was that you're greater than you think? More powerful than you know, more unlimited than you could ever dream? If that was the truth, that you are the creator of your life, you have to, you have to start... If you believe that to be the truth, then you have to believe in yourself. And your belief in yourself must be earned. It must be earned. And, and the only way that we can believe in a future is when we feel the emotion associated with it.

• 1:40Joe Dispenza?

  Because if you feel the emotion associated with it, your body is your, your unconscious mind. It's so objective. It does not know the difference between the real life experience that's creating that emotion and the emotion that you're creating by thought alone. And so you're giving your body a taste emotionally of the future. And the stronger the emotion you feel, the more you remember to that future. And you literally are embossing the circuitry for you to believe in it more.

• 2:10Joe Dispenza?

  So if we default and become the victim of our life, and we say that some person or some circumstance or some condition is causing me to feel this way and to think this way. The moment we become angry or frustrated or guilty or unworthy or afraid or anxious, we can't believe in that future any longer. Those emotions are associated with past memories. And those emotions cause us to behave as if we were in our past, make choices that are equal to our past and believe in our past. And more people believe in their past than they believe in their future. And it's so much easier

• 2:54Joe Dispenza?

  to forget your vision of the future than to remember it. And so if that's the truth then, if you understood that this emotion that you're feeling is really a creative emotion, living in fear and living in anger and living in hostility and hatred and judgment and resentment, that has nothing to do with your future. It has everything to do with the past. And so the problem is is that we get addicted to those emotions that keep us connected to the past. And there's a story that goes with that past. And so many people believe in that story. And why not believe in a different story?

• 3:39Joe Dispenza?

  And it usually takes crisis or trauma or disease or diagnosis or loss for people to finally make up their mind to change. But that default that takes place so seamlessly when we feel the emotions of our past causes us to think the same way, to act the same way and to feel the same way. And how you think, how you act, and how you feel is called your personality. And your personality creates your personal reality. That's it. That's it. So the present personality who's sitting here today called you is created the present personal reality called your life.

• 4:24Joe Dispenza?

  That's the truth. So if you wanted to create a new personal reality, a new life, you would have to change your personality. And the first step in that is becoming conscious of your unconscious thoughts. Those thoughts that say, "I can't, it's too hard, I'll never change, it's my ex's fault." It's a, you know, whatever, you know.

• 4:45Joe Dispenza?

  It's all the ex. Or if you really, truly wanted to be a happy person, you would have to stop complaining. You would have to stop blaming, you'd have to stop allowing your environment to control how you're feeling and thinking.

• 4:59Joe Dispenza?

  And, and if you truly wanted to become a new personality, you would have to decide that the emotion of lack cannot belong in an abundant person.

• 5:11Joe Dispenza?

  This is where the rubber hits the road now.

• 5:15Joe Dispenza?

  Because how could you believe in a future that you haven't seen yet? And the end product of an experience in three-dimensional reality is called an emotion. And so most people wait for their wealth to feel abundant. They're waiting for their new relationship to feel love. They're, they're waiting for their success to feel empowerment. They're waiting for their healing to feel wholeness or gratitude. That's the old model of reality. So then you've got to trade that emotion of your past, and that story's got to go with it. And when you overcome your emotions, you, you master your creations.

• 5:55Joe Dispenza?

  And that's freeing the body from the past. So the, so the person who wants to become wealthy...

• 6:02Joe Dispenza?

  They gotta romance wealth. Romance it. They have to romance it and you have to start thinking about how wealthy person would think. How a wealthy person would act. How wealthy person would feel and you would have to become that personality and that personality really should begin to create some change in your personal reality, you know, the synchronicities that are not just parking spaces, you know, not that stuff. But the bigger stuff that would stretch your belief so that when you see the synchronicity all of a sudden you're like, "Oh, my God.

• 6:39Joe Dispenza?

  I created that. Is that possible that I actually created that?" Now you start believing more that you're the creator of your reality instead of the victim of your reality and that's the truth. And you cannot experience that truth unless you step in the realm of creation. And in order for you to arrive at that wealth, you have to make a very clear decision that that person who wants the wealth and who is in lack of having it is going to have to make a lot of changes to finally run into that goal or vision of their wealth. You can't create a new personal reality as the same personality. You gotta, you gotta become someone else.

• 7:24Joe Dispenza?

  That means you gotta give up some aspect of those unconscious thoughts, behaviors and emotions that are programmed because we do them so much and think that way. And that's the hard part of change. And people do the work, "I want to be really clear." They don't, they don't do the meditations to heal. They do the meditations to change. And they understand that when I change, my body will change, my life will change. That's the experiment they're involved in. So this energy, this feeling that you have, the fundamental question is when you leave this place.

• 8:05Joe Dispenza?

  Can you take it with you every day? Could you remember this feeling? And could you bring it up on your own? Ah, now you're becoming the creator of your life, because now you'll believe more in that future and less in your past. And then you'll default, just like we all do. But how many times do you have to forget? Until you stop forgetting and start remembering? That's called the moment of change. And that's catching yourself from defaulting seamlessly back to that old personality that was been programmed for us to be victims. If you say to someone, "Why are you so unhappy? Why are you so mad? Why are you so angry?" "Oh, it's that person, it's that circumstance that's causing me to feel this way and think this way." Well, that's an unconscious program.

• 8:49Joe Dispenza?

  A person is saying that someone in their outer world or some condition is controlling. It's controlling their feelings, controlling their thoughts. Anything that's controlling us, we're victims to. And that's gotta change. So then, to overcome victimization is worth more than all the wealth in the world. Because that's exactly what creates the wealth. That's exactly what creates the health. It's the overcoming process. That is the becoming process. And that's how you arrive at that vision. And this energy is the energy that takes you there. And you gotta be able to bring that up on your own. That means you gotta come out of your resting state. And that when coming out of your resting state and not allowing

• 9:32Joe Dispenza?

  or waiting for someone or something to do it for you, but doing it on your own? Wow, there's sovereignty and there's empowerment in that. That's how any person arrives at their dream. They just don't let their energy drop. And if they do, they get back into that state again. And they earn the belief in themselves.

• 9:50Lewis Howes?

  First off, what are the emotions of lack? So that people can make a distinction and say, "Ah, I don't think about lack, I'm not in lack." But maybe they are based on certain emotions. So what are the emotions that cause us to feel in our bodies lacking as opposed to abundant? And? Caveat, how much of those lacking emotions can we have on a daily basis? And still be abundant?

• 10:17Joe Dispenza?

  Woo, that's a good question.

• 10:18Lewis Howes?

  Do you know what I mean? Is it 50% victimhood and we're stepping to be good? Is it angry 20% of the time? Is it, like, how much wiggle room can we give ourselves grace? And still, I'm still gonna be able to get my dream. So what are the emotions of lack? And how much time can we really allow ourselves to be in a state of frustration or sadness? And still be abundant?

• 10:43Joe Dispenza?

  Yeah, oh, got it.

• 10:46Joe Dispenza?

  But we create based on lack.

• 10:50Joe Dispenza?

  We create based on separation. You see the sports car, you see the wardrobe, you see the scene, you see the vacation. And you see that, that experience that you want. Your brain naturally goes, oh, God, that would be so wonderful to be in that reality, to be in that future. You, based on the lack of not having it. In the plane of duality and separation, that lack causes us to dream about having it.

• 11:19Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:20Joe Dispenza?

  So the natural thing is to dream of a new possibility. Based on your understanding that you don't have that experience yet. You understand?

• 11:30Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 11:30Joe Dispenza?

  So then now, that vision of that future, the brain naturally creates.

• 11:38Joe Dispenza?

  For the passionate person.

• 11:41Joe Dispenza?

  That vision where they're seeing that future, they put themselves in that future. And when they do that, they feel the emotion of that future. And they're actually doing that by thought alone. So once they feel the feeling of that future. They can believe in that future because they felt it.

• 12:00Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 12:01Joe Dispenza?

  Right, and they'll tell you, there's nobody or no one or no circumstances. I, I know that I could create that. And you've all done it. Everybody in this room has done something great.

• 12:14Joe Dispenza?

  And you kept that vision alive in your mind and you got your behaviors to match your intentions. You got your actions equal to your thoughts. You got your mind and body working together. You stopped thinking certain thoughts like, "I can't, it's too hard, I don't feel like it, I'll never change." You had to make different choices and the hardest part about change is not making the same choices the day before and that means you're gonna get uncomfortable. You stopped doing the same things, the same habits, sitting on the couch, whatever it was. You didn't have time to complain, you know, that stuff. You started staying away from the experiences with certain people and certain circumstances.

• 12:56Joe Dispenza?

  You didn't want to live that anymore and you had to really get beyond your emotional feelings and do it anyway. And we do this all the time and then you run and all of a sudden synchronicities start to happen. Everybody's experienced this and the next thing you know, the experience occurs and you feel the emotion from that experience and it takes away the lack or separation from not having it. So the emotion is the end product of the experience in three-dimensional reality. Say it again, the emotion is what? The end product of the experience, it's the payoff. The payoff from the experience, having the experience, is the emotion that is the consequence of the experience and that emotion is all the sensory information that you're perceiving.

• 13:41Joe Dispenza?

  Everything you're seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and feeling. All that information is rushing back to your brain and jungles of neurons are organizing into networks and when they string into place, another part of the brain called the chemical brain, the limit brain, the emotional brain, begins to make chemicals to produce that emotion. And that emotion then takes away the lack. And now you say, "I created that" and then you go to the next one. Now you can get really good at doing this. You could study, you could get schooled, you can get coached, you can learn from your mistakes. You could get disciplined and you can accumulate more things, you can get better at doing that.

• 14:26Joe Dispenza?

  But there is another way to create where you don't have to do so much.

• 14:32Joe Dispenza?

  And those are laws that transcend just typical Newtonian laws. And what if you were to feel the emotion of the future before it happened every single day? Remembered that feeling and that feeling was for your heart. To fall in love with your life, to fall in love with your vision, you'd have to awaken that heart. If you could do that and marry that with the vision of your future, I promise you it'll be easier for make choices to step into that future. I guarantee you, you'll believe in it and do things to to advance yourself into that future and you step right into it.

• 15:08Joe Dispenza?

  So then, if it doesn't happen when we want it to happen, you know what I mean? Like people stop me and they say, "Well, I've been creating my reality for three days, nothing happened."

• 15:22Joe Dispenza?

  And I say to them, "You're not that good. Look, I don't know what else, I don't know what else to tell you. You're not that good." Or they'll say, "How come I'm not living in Mallorca with my two dogs and a lover?"

• 15:36Joe Dispenza?

  I'm like, "Because the person who's living in Mallorca looks nothing like you. Like, that's not what the person looks like."

• 15:44Joe Dispenza?

  So when it doesn't happen, the lack becomes greater.

• 15:51Joe Dispenza?

  And because lack is separation. And separation is based on time. And so when you imagine that vision of your future, you're putting your attention in a future reality. You have one point of consciousness, that's your future. And you are making the choice from this point of consciousness that that's where you want to go.

• 16:14Joe Dispenza?

  And the distance between those two is called time. So time is based on lack or separation. Are you with me? Yes. And when it doesn't happen, we start to feel more lack and more separation, so we start to force outcomes. So we try harder. We try harder, we manipulate, we compete, we fight. Because trying is what you do when you're in lack. And so the person's living in separation their whole entire life, waiting for the event to occur to take away the feeling of not having it. And it could be their whole entire life. Wow. And that becomes a program.

• 16:53Joe Dispenza?

  So then you ask them, "Why are you this way?" "Well, because life isn't working for me." That's the belief that they have. It's unfair. And they'll have a whole story that goes along with it. So then, if you could fall in love with your future, and the heart produces a very strong magnetic signature, and you get your brain coherent and working really well, that intention that you have has a signal in the field. And we've measured this. And so then if you could begin to experiment by changing your energy, "Could it change my life?" Hmm. That's the experiment. I'm just curious. If you started doing it, that you could actually shorten the distance

• 17:38Joe Dispenza?

  between the thought of what you want and the experience of having it. And all of a sudden, you're no longer going anywhere to do it. It's kind of coming to you. Now, if you experiment like that, and then you are successful at it, and you start seeing the synchronicities, I guarantee you, you're gonna keep it up. Yes. I guarantee you, it's not gonna be like, "Oh, God, I gotta go fall in love with my future now."

• 18:03Joe Dispenza?

  It's not gonna be like that. You're gonna be like, "Whoa, like, it's happening." And like, whatever that is, that, "I don't know what it is." But you're changing your energy. And so, to become a creator in your life and truly, truly practice it. If you're feeling the feeling of your future, you can't look for it. How could you look for it if you feel like it already happened? And we cannot attract anything in our life that we feel separate from. Hmm. And that means you gotta maintain that modified state of mind and body to keep your vision alive. And if you do, the experiment should be, "He- hey? Hey? I'm doing this to experiment. Is it the truth?

• 18:46Joe Dispenza?

  I'm doing it for the truth to take the belief and actually behave that way to ultimately become the creator of my life."

• 18:55Joe Dispenza?

  And so that you fall in that zone, you fall into that flow. And now you're gonna, you're gonna wanna feel that feeling more than you're gonna wanna feel your victimization. And that's when you no longer belong to your past, that's when you belong to your future. Abundance is just one experience in the infinite number of experiences I believe that we could have as creators. And people just, they just forget all the wonderful things they did or became when they, when they created that abundance. And, and I've sat with billionaires, I've sat with them, and you know what they say to me? They say, they've said it more than once. We are miserable. We are in agony. You know why? Cause they can't be present enough to enjoy a sunset.

• 19:41Joe Dispenza?

  Even though they're on a yacht. They can't, they can't be present enough to enjoy a great meal. They just can't be present with their families, they can't be present. And so like, that's not the life you want. What you want, abundant people, wanna be free.

• 20:03Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 20:03Joe Dispenza?

  That's what, that's what they really want.

• 20:07Joe Dispenza?

  Free to do it, right? And then, and to, and really, if your model of abundance is that you have so much more than you need, that you would give it away. That would be an abundant person, yes or no?

• 20:23Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 20:24Joe Dispenza?

  And so your experience of abundance in the experiment called life can be way more than being an angry abundant person.

• 20:36Lewis Howes?

  If you can create a harmonious relationship from the higher self of you to the wounded self, parts of you, then things are gonna start to flow better in your life.

• 20:46Gabby Bernstein?

  Oh, well, yeah.

• 20:47Lewis Howes?

  In every area.

• 20:47Gabby Bernstein?

  Well, cause think about it like this, like- My controller part, I've done so much work with her. You can gender these parts of you. They have no gender. They could have the opposite gender. It doesn't like sort of whatever is intuitive for you. My parts are female. So, so I have that controller part that you knew for so long, or the anxiety part, right? Even to think about all where we were maybe 10 years ago in these conversations to where I am with you right now. And how much more self-energy you feel in this moment. It makes me cry. It means so much to me that you've been there with me.

• 21:17Lewis Howes?

  It's been like, what, 13, 14 years?

• 21:19Gabby Bernstein?

  14 years.

• 21:19Lewis Howes?

  15 years maybe since I've been here. 2008, I met you.

• 21:22Gabby Bernstein?

  And when you first met me, like, I was like parts on fire, right? Like, like on, literally on fire. I was workaholic.

• 21:28Lewis Howes?

  Both of us, yeah.

• 21:28Gabby Bernstein?

  Really extreme, really extreme. I was sober, but like workaholism. I was just extreme anxiety, didn't know that I had trauma, so I was living in hypervigilance. I was so scared all the time. I was so controlling. I was, it was just like, I was doing, you can still be going through hard things and do beautiful things in the world.

• 21:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you still get results in life.

• 21:48Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, and do good. But you can, but you might be having a lot of struggle, right? And so as a result of this, this model and what I'm going to teach everybody today, and living this and developing this and practicing this and every day being, checking in with these parts of me, checking with these parts of me, I've unburdened them. And so it's not that they go away, it's that they're not extreme anymore.

• 22:11Lewis Howes?

  Interesting. So the parts that were wounded are still inside of you.

• 22:15Gabby Bernstein?

  They're no longer wounded. They're, they're in their, they're in their beautifully developed chrysalis, their new, for instance. The part of me that was a controller, I mean, that part did good things, right? She wrote 10 books in 14 years, right?

• 22:28Lewis Howes?

  Took action, got things done.

• 22:29Gabby Bernstein?

  Yes, but now she can be in the flow, right? Like now she can be like, I don't have to force my way to like get this thing to there. I'm like, oh, you know what, Louis? Like, I'm going to be in LA. Like, does that work? I'll be there. Like, I can show up with an energy. She's, she's, she's, she's on top. But she's, but she's trusting.

• 22:49Lewis Howes?

  She's not forcing.

• 22:50Gabby Bernstein?

  Not forcing anything. She's just relaxed, like in the presence. So it's still like, so it's like a really great quality to have that control part present because she gets things done, but without craziness, right?

• 23:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, right, right. Chaos.

• 23:04Gabby Bernstein?

  Without chaos.

• 23:05Lewis Howes?

  So these parts of us that once controlled us or hurt us to try to protect us because they all had an intention to serve us, but they didn't help the self really at our highest self.

• 23:18Gabby Bernstein?

  They're blocking self. They're blocking self.

• 23:19Lewis Howes?

  Blocking self, but they're an attempt to try to protect us.

• 23:22Gabby Bernstein?

  Totally.

• 23:23Lewis Howes?

  Uh, these parts of us, when we can have a relationship, a harmonious relationship with them through healing and mending those wounds, then we can use them for good.

• 23:31Gabby Bernstein?

  That's great. That, yeah. You're so great at like digesting and bringing it back. Yeah, it's beautiful. That, that self right there in action clarity. Clarity is one of those qualities, so you have such a good job of listening, thinking, pulling it together and bringing it back.

• 23:43Lewis Howes?

  And it sounds like we, we could, you know, by doing the self-help work, um, and by following this four-step process that we're to cover in a second and just going through the book, it sounds like when we can start to have a different relationship with these parts of us that have caused us pain and suffering, but also try to protect us. If we can start to have a new relationship by mending those relationships, it can get a lot better, but it doesn't mean those things could come back at some point if we don't keep having a relationship with them in a healthy way. So you might be six months, I feel better, but then something triggers you and you go back to the wounded part of you that says, I don't feel safe.

• 24:19Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 24:20Lewis Howes?

  You need to control this. You need to protect this. You need to be a perfectionist in this moment, whatever it is, hyper vigilance. And so it's a, it's a constant relationship and a conversation of checking in, it sounds like.

• 24:30Gabby Bernstein?

  It's called the check-in process.

• 24:31Lewis Howes?

  Okay, cool.

• 24:32Gabby Bernstein?

  Four-step check-in.

• 24:32Lewis Howes?

  All right, here we go.

• 24:33Gabby Bernstein?

  And I like that because everybody has a few minutes to check in, right? Or a few seconds to check in throughout the day and. The simplicity of it being this four steps of checking in with the part makes it such that you can have this relationship to the part rather than why are you doing this? It's why the pain, right? That's like what Gabor Maté always says, like, not why the addiction, why the pain? And so by every moment when you notice a trigger or you have this space in your body to like, see, oh, you know, I'm out of alignment right now.

• 25:14Gabby Bernstein?

  In those moments checking in are these moment to moment experiences of presence with bringing self to these parts. So I'll break it down for you.

• 25:28Lewis Howes?

  Give me a specific example in your life that maybe a part of you that comes up sometimes that causes you anxiety or stress or

• 25:36Gabby Bernstein?

  And how I would do the steps.

• 25:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, your team are like, oh, Gabby's in that mode, her part of her, you know, is coming out this moment, you know, okay.

• 25:42Gabby Bernstein?

  They're watching right now. They're like, oh, this is sure.

• 25:45Lewis Howes?

  Perfectionist or she's over controlling or she's whatever it is.

• 25:48Gabby Bernstein?

  Exactly, yeah.

• 25:49Lewis Howes?

  So whatever that part is for you that maybe has tended to come up a lot in the past. Can you give me an example of how you could use this while you're sharing with these four steps?

• 25:58Gabby Bernstein?

  Okay, so the protector that's freaking out, right? She, uh, she's freaking out because something isn't going the way she wants, right? So she's the freaking out protector, actually doing a lot of work with her in therapy right now. So it's nice. And I do IFS therapy, so of course. And she's having a freak out, like, you know, some emails isn't good or like the things aren't working as fast, the team is not working as fast as possible. Or she feels like she has a burden belief, right? This freak out girl, her belief is if I don't do it, nobody else will.

• 26:31Lewis Howes?

  Zing.

• 26:32Gabby Bernstein?

  And so she is maybe just like, and she also has another, and I'm cursing a lot, but just bleep me, okay? But she has another phrase that she says, which is like, what the is going on here? And when I think about her. I think about, okay, so let me give you the check in process. So let's say I notice she's coming in, she's showing up. And I'm like, oh, I notice her. I have enough awareness to be like, she's here. She needs help. So I need self to help, self help me. I'll say that again. I need self to help, self help me. I, you know, have that awareness. I choose to check in. Step one. Choose to check in.

• 27:14Lewis Howes?

  Make a choice.

• 27:15Gabby Bernstein?

  Yes, because remember, parts are like little children. So if you try to force something on a little child, like if I try to go to Ollie and say to him, bro, what the hell is going on? You seem upset, let's talk about it. He's like, no mommy, like get away mommy, right? So he, there has to be some buy in, okay? So there's some buy in and I'm going to choose to check in.

• 27:39Lewis Howes?

  So is that the adult self choosing to check in? Or is that the child self choosing to check in?

• 27:43Gabby Bernstein?

  It's both. Okay, so it's, it's the choice.

• 27:46Lewis Howes?

  You're both choosing to connect.

• 27:48Gabby Bernstein?

  Self like quality. But the part has to make the choice.

• 27:52Lewis Howes?

  So it's like what you said with your son. If he's not willing to reciprocate, like saying, let's talk about what's going on. And he's like, no, screw you mommy, or whatever he's saying. Then that's not a check in. Both parts need to check in.

• 28:03Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, it, it has to be my presence as self and his willingness.

• 28:07Lewis Howes?

  Willingness to receive or talk.

• 28:10Gabby Bernstein?

  Openness, yeah.

• 28:10Lewis Howes?

  Got it, okay.

• 28:11Gabby Bernstein?

  So.

• 28:11Lewis Howes?

  Not that your son would say, screw you mommy, but I'm just saying.

• 28:14Gabby Bernstein?

  You never know.

• 28:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:14Gabby Bernstein?

  You never know.

• 28:15Lewis Howes?

  We're sixteen, yeah, yeah.

• 28:17Gabby Bernstein?

  Six years old, they might say things like that. He would say, screw you mommy.

• 28:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:20Gabby Bernstein?

  So, uh, who makes me think of like Cartman? Do you know that I do a really good Cartman? Skit ye man. I'm getting him.

• 28:28Lewis Howes?

  That's good, that's good.

• 28:28Gabby Bernstein?

  I'm really good at it.

• 28:29Lewis Howes?

  That's good.

• 28:29Gabby Bernstein?

  Okay, so.

• 28:30Lewis Howes?

  Choose to check in.

• 28:31Gabby Bernstein?

  So choose to check in, detour from Cartman.

• 28:33Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 28:34Gabby Bernstein?

  Choose to check in. So you have this awareness that the part's triggered and you're saying, okay, I'm going to choose to check in right now. So you, you, step one, that's it, choose. And if you know that you feel that buy in, like, okay, the part's ready to go, we can get, we can keep going, right? Choosing to check in is also just sometimes even having the awareness that you need to check in. Cause that's the step one. Step two is curiosity. Become curious. These are all C qualities, remember, right? So it's like acting as if. And so the curiosity is start. So I'm in this place where this manager is up and she's like, what the going on here? I have to do everything. Nobody else will do it. And so I choose to check in with her and I become curious and I start to

• 29:16Gabby Bernstein?

  notice the feelings and the thoughts and the sensations inside. I start asking her questions like, where do you feel that in your body? And she's like, I'm not breathing and there's tension in my chest. And I start to say, you know, what kind of thoughts or sensations? And her thoughts are like, what the is going on here?

• 29:36Lewis Howes?

  Why is this happening?

• 29:37Gabby Bernstein?

  And I ask her for any images or visions. And she shows me my six year old self in my dining room with my pigtails. And I'm screaming, no bumps, no bumps. Because the only way that I could find control in this out of control life that I had was to control the bumps in my pigtails.

• 29:59Lewis Howes?

  To make your hair like look perfect or whatever.

• 30:00Gabby Bernstein?

  Right. And so she's, so this girl that's now this adult that's screaming, what the is going on here is the little girl. I says, the vision she showed that she shows me. The little girl screaming, no bumps with the pigtails. So I start having all the, I flash out this information about her. You can see I'm like, I could tear up as I think about her. And that connection that you, can you feel that connection I'm having with her right now?

• 30:19Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 30:20Gabby Bernstein?

  That connection shows me that there's some self energy here. Okay?

• 30:25Gabby Bernstein?

  And so as soon as you start to feel some kind of connection to that part, the third step happens. And by the way, you can spend as much time as you want in curiosity. You could just ask more questions, let the parts speak. Parts want to speak.

• 30:39Gabby Bernstein?

  Step three, compassionate connection. So I can look at that little girl and I can ask her.

• 30:49Gabby Bernstein?

  Little Gabby, what do you need right now? And right away, she'll, she'll speak back. She'll say, you know, little at times she said things like, I need a mom.

• 31:00Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 31:01Gabby Bernstein?

  Or I need, I need to rest. Or I need to play. I need to scream. I need, you know, they just speaking for what they need. Right? I need to speak up. I need to be heard. And so the little voice gets to speak up and say what they need. And once that response comes through internally, the fourth step is to check for C qualities of self. So you scan your inner system and you ask yourself, do I feel any connection? Yes, right now, in this moment, I just did the check in with little Gabby and I feel connected to her. Do I feel compassion? Holy, right now I feel so much compassion for her. Do I feel clarity? Yes, she just showed me, it's a little girl, right? She showed me exactly where she was.

• 31:45Gabby Bernstein?

  I feel clear what she needs. Do I feel calm? I feel calm, even more calm right now, just having done that check in process out loud with you. Connected? Oh, yes.

• 31:55Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 31:55Gabby Bernstein?

  Courageous, much more courageous. Clarity, I think I said. Confidence, I got confidence.

• 32:02Lewis Howes?

  The one that you're remembering now, confidence.

• 32:03Gabby Bernstein?

  Creativity.

• 32:04Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 32:05Gabby Bernstein?

  Check for Cs, even if you just have one C quality of self show up. You feel a little bit more calm. You feel a little bit more compassionate. You feel a little more connected. You've done the four steps. You've done the four steps, even if you just get to check in, to choose to check in. Just even the decision to check in for two seconds is the check in process.

• 32:23Lewis Howes?

  Cause if you're not starting step one, then you're just gonna stay in fight or flight.

• 32:27Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 32:28Lewis Howes?

  You know, control freak anxiety, or whatever your manager is, is doing.

• 32:32Gabby Bernstein?

  Your manager won't have enough of a pause to pivot. Cause the manager is, we can become. Blended with the managers, which means we believe that we are that, right? Those times in your life when you get so worked up, right? And you're so that you're like, I am the only one that can do this. Or, you know, the only way to live life is to fight back and tell everybody else that they're wrong. It's the only way to live. And if anybody challenges that, like, that's they're gone. Right? So we're blended with these parts.

• 33:05Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 33:06Gabby Bernstein?

  So the only way to start this check-in process is to slightly unblend by choosing to check in.

• 33:11Lewis Howes?

  Interesting, because otherwise you are those parts in that moment.

• 33:14Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, and there's going to be plenty of times when we're so blended that we can't do the check-in until two hours later, two days later.

• 33:21Lewis Howes?

  Until you can reflect, you just take a nap, you sleep.

• 33:23Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, you can check in hours later.

• 33:25Lewis Howes?

  You're out of the environment.

• 33:26Gabby Bernstein?

  Most of the time when people start this work, they're going to find themselves the next day being like, ooh, what happened there? And then just check in, right? But you should start with little, that's why I want to work with managers, because this is about a process, right? It's like making it a habit.

• 33:41Gabby Bernstein?

  Do it with the small moments, right? So like, just, just this morning, you know, like, or yesterday, right? I arrived in LA. I was like, kind of overwhelmed by the energy. Didn't love like the view out of my hotel room. This is sounds like a luxury problem, but like the energy is really important for me.

• 34:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, if you're staying on a wall or something.

• 34:01Gabby Bernstein?

  I'm staring at like a Chase bank. I was just like, where, you know, I was like in this, and then you're like, you know, I want to have a good vibe right now. And so I was seeing that controller come in and she wasn't too bad, but she did ask my, my assistant to call five other hotels. And like, you know, very lovingly asked, you know? And at night, and then she's like, I don't want to ever come back to LA. Like, she's like, and so instead of like, actually, I did fire off an email to my PR team and was like, cancel the October trip. And then I was like, chill, okay. So I came back and I rewrote the emails, like, don't cancel the October trip. And then I checked in with her.

• 34:36Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 34:36Gabby Bernstein?

  Right before.

• 34:37Lewis Howes?

  Wow, okay.

• 34:38Gabby Bernstein?

  And so she wasn't like, that's just like, this is a day to day thing that normally we're just acting out in these ways. And we don't actually, maybe we come out of it because we just got some logic, but we never tend to it. And so I was like, oh, what do you need, honey? And so I just checked in with her and I heard her and she's like, I just want to feel like warm and safe and I just want to feel like I've got a good energy around me. And what do I need right now? Like, I need to find the right place to land when I get here and I need to just sort of sort those things out. And I started to feel calmer as I checked for those seed qualities. And so this is where the manifesting comes in. Okay, so she calmed down last night, okay? She slept great.

• 35:23Lewis Howes?

  That's good.

• 35:24Gabby Bernstein?

  She woke up, she's like, I'm gonna see Louis tonight. She worked out, it was like 5 a.m. because I'm on East Coast. I was like, let's go work out. I was feeling great, sat down, I had makeup done, I was like, super chill. And I'm like, you know, I think my makeup artist, who you met Christine, and I was like, you know, Christine, I'm like, I like had this whole drama yesterday, I'm like, all I really want is like, high vibe, energy, super connected, I want to, I want to find my hotel in L.A. I have to be out here all the time, I want to just make it my home, like leave a toothbrush, like, I want that and then like, I'm coming back in October and I really want to have like a retreaty vibe for two days because I need to write when I'm here and it's a weekend when I'm here. I'm like, this is what I want. And I was like, it'll happen, like the universe is going to deliver it. I call our mutual friend Jeff Crazno, because I was like,

• 36:09Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh, oh, he's got an amazing place.

• 36:10Gabby Bernstein?

  Because I got the hit and I was like, you know, she's called Jeff, right?

• 36:12Lewis Howes?

  He's got the whole commune, it's like,

• 36:14Gabby Bernstein?

  But I wasn't even calling Jeff.

• 36:15Lewis Howes?

  It's a sanctuary.

• 36:15Gabby Bernstein?

  I was calling him about something totally different, okay? I called Jeff and I'm like, hey, what, you know, and then I was like, oh, you know what? And I'm talking to him, I'm like, I'm like, just call me about getting on the podcast. And I was like, hey, what, bro, I'm like, wait, when I come in L.A., you're going to be doing a retreat in Topanga. And I was like, wait a second, I'm like, let me come for two days in Topanga. Like, is there a place for me to write? And can I like come do yoga with Skylar and can I like, can you take your class and, and eat food with you guys? And he's like, of course you can. And I was like, and then I was like, wait a second, hold on. So I just found my two days, my little retreat to go write, right? And then I look at my calendar, I'm like, wait a second, I have a podcast interview in Topanga on Friday. Somebody's showing up in Topanga. And then I'm on the phone with Jeff and he's like, you got to call Robin Burz in, she's in L.A., call Burz right now. She's staying at the Soho House. I was like, wait a second.

• 37:00Gabby Bernstein?

  Second, I'm a member at the So House. There's a So House here.

• 37:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 37:04Gabby Bernstein?

  And all of a sudden, I thought there was no hotel. So I'm like, hold on a second. So I call Rob and she's like, get in the hotel. I call the hotel. There will be one room left. Get in the hotel. I was saving so much money going over to this other hotel that I want to be with, with my, one of my best friends tonight. I find my hotel that I want. I mean, it sounds like a stupid luxury thing, but look how fast the manifesting was. And then boom, I was in the flow. Here I am. And I've got this whole next trip in October, totally sorted. With the trip to Topanga, the hotel that's going to make me feel safe, the community I want to be with, the creative space to do my writing. Now, did a controlling type A person make that happen? No.

• 37:44Gabby Bernstein?

  A creative, calm, connected, curious, right?

• 37:50Lewis Howes?

  Compassionate.

• 37:51Gabby Bernstein?

  We keep forgetting curiosity is self-energy. Curiosity.

• 37:54Lewis Howes?

  Compassionate.

• 37:55Gabby Bernstein?

  Was just like curious, right? Curiosity said, let me call Krasno and see if he can do a podcast. And then let me ask you about Topanga, right? Hello? Sounds stupid, but that, that, but my, my makeup artist was like, that all just fell into place like a domino in 30 minutes. Like, that feels really weird to me. I was like, this is how.

• 38:10Lewis Howes?

  It was this morning?

• 38:11Gabby Bernstein?

  That was, that was right before I came out. And so like, but that whole like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, working out the details. That's how life is meant to be. We're meant to be in the flow and the awe and the synchronicity of self.

• 38:24Lewis Howes?

  Yes. You talk about, uh, in one of your books, Becoming a Super Attractor. How can we become a super attractor by applying this method? Cause it sounds like you applied the method and you wouldn't have been able to figure this out if you were in stress and control and manager freak out. Control freak mode, you know, that little part of you is back in that like, it needs to be a perfect pigtails or whatever. So how can you attract abundantly? Without managing the parts of us that are wounded?

• 38:55Gabby Bernstein?

  So we wouldn't want to manage the parts of us. We want to bring self, we want to let self help them, right? Just for language purposes.

• 39:01Lewis Howes?

  So it's not managing them?

• 39:03Gabby Bernstein?

  Right. Cause managers are managing, right?

• 39:04Lewis Howes?

  You can't manage the managers.

• 39:05Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, you can't, that's correct. Managing the managers is like when the firefighters come in or, you know, that's right. That's managed. You're really getting it. It's so cool. Um, people might have to listen to this episode twice or read the book, right? Read the book, right? It's all there. So, um, there's no way that you can manifest effortlessly. Unless you have tended to be these protector parts. Because.

• 39:29Gabby Bernstein?

  You might have a lot of things you can create in your life, but you're upper limiting yourself. You're going to hit ceilings.

• 39:34Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, you won't be able to break through certain levels.

• 39:38Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, because your sheer will can get you some of the way there. And you know, whatever. And you may have a little bit of moments with that creative flow comes in, but then you just sort of block it again or, you know, but to live in the flow.

• 39:50Lewis Howes?

  Effortless.

• 39:51Gabby Bernstein?

  To say it and it will be. This morning, I would like a retreat center and a home base in LA. And 30 seconds later, clarity and curiosity. Call Jeff, get curious, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Because manifesting isn't about just sitting around. Nothing happens. You're doing, but to be a super attractor and to be a co-creator, you have to dwell in the energy of creativity.

• 40:16Gabby Bernstein?

  You have to be calm. You have to be faithful, right? You have to be connected. You have to be courageous to take the action with, with that flow energy. You have to be curious about what's possible. You have to be creative, absolutely creative, creative, creative, creative. You cannot be judging yourself. You have to be compassionate toward every part of who you are. And so we are all super attractors. We all have self in us. We all have the ability to live with ease, no matter what our circumstances might be, but there are absolutely some of us who have far more privilege than others. Let's be real about that. Right? Like for those of us that are in Western cultures, those of us who can watch this podcast right now, we have privilege. And those of us who have that privilege, it is our responsibility to do the self-help work,

• 41:02Gabby Bernstein?

  to clean up our side of the street, to get more flow in our life. Because in that flow, we can serve more people.

• 41:07Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 41:08Gabby Bernstein?

  Period.

• 41:12Lewis Howes?

  Do people need to think about motivation in order to overcome themselves and their problems and their challenges? Or do they need to think about being more disciplined to overcome the weight of the world they're feeling?

• 41:26Eric Thomas?

  Yeah, I'd say both and, but to your point on the discipline. You need to be more disciplined about your minds. What do people need to be thinking about with their minds? So, so here's the deal. You already in pain. Get a reward for it. It's just like, look, do me a favor. Everything you say, you right. But why go through life with whatever people did to you when you were younger or a young adult? And then you have to live with it for the next forty, fifty years? Like, why would you, why would you sit here? And all the stuff that you said was absolutely right. My daddy wasn't there, my mama did, did, this person did to me. Why would you let them destroy your life? Why would they, why would you let them own you? Why would you allow that thing they did to hurt you? Not define the rest of your life? It's like, no, I was in pain. It's real.

• 42:11Eric Thomas?

  But get a reward for it. So for me, walking into, first of all, driving here in a car service. Getting to LA, walking in this beautiful facility. Seeing the other businesses that are here, I'm like, E, I'm proud of you, bro. You made it, E. You could have stopped at the homeless board and nobody would have tripped. Your daddy wasn't there. Your mom was seventeen when she got pregnant. All the negative that happened to you. Eric, we understand. But understand, let me tell you. One of the things that just blew my mind the other day. So, you know, we were fortunate to own a home in California. On the hill, right? So we got this property. We got the basketball court with logo, all the companies that, whatever. And I go outside yesterday.

• 42:55Eric Thomas?

  And I see my wife and my son playing basketball. And I'm thinking to myself, in California, on the hill, looking at all these beautiful properties. My, my, my wife and my son are outside hooping. Dream, dream life. My wife was like, I want to work out. My son was like, I didn't even know. She was like, I'm going to play basketball. I'm like, I can't do it right now. And I'm listening to a voice. He came home, heard the basketball, went out with his mom. I'm like, yo, my son, twenty-nine years old. Is spending time with his mom as an adult male. He could be anywhere doing anything. He's with his mom. Her firstborn. They got this bond that I don't have. And they're out here hooping.

• 43:35Eric Thomas?

  And as I look at the property, I'm like, yo, what if the sixteen-year-old Eric Thomas? Would have stayed the sixteen-year-old Eric Thomas? So I'm saying for those who are listening, get a reward for it and then do me a favor. Don't just think about you. Like, do you know that my son?

• 43:53Eric Thomas?

  In his mind, this is where you, like this where you start, like he got the sign of the pool to work. He's starting somewhere I'd never started. The cars, the Rolls Royce, the Escalade. Like, he's starting somewhere I didn't start. Why? Because I didn't stop where I started. I didn't stop. I was like, okay, this is where we started, but this not about to be my end. And so his, his beginnings looked dope. My man went to Michigan State and was a general manager for Izzo. He traveled the world. He's got a Final Four ring and a league eight ring. He's got, he got the jack. He sat under Coach Izzo, Hall of Fame coach for four years. Coach OG. He sat under these guys. Like his boys, some of his boys went to the league. There's some of them still in the league. Like, he got that because I didn't go, I quit because my mom, my dad did.

• 44:39Eric Thomas?

  So I quit. I give up. This is worst thing ever happened. I was like, mm-mm. You get a reward for it. And so to see my son, I'm coming to a concert tonight with my daughter. Listen to me, like, I didn't give up. And so I'm saying to everybody, we all go through pain. Some of us go through pain and it becomes our tombstone. Some of us go through pain and it's a, it's a scar. And we, and we live a life of rewards. I'm just gonna say, again, 2025, do me a favor. Check you. So you're in the ballot box and you're looking at all these options. Doctor, lawyer, teacher, whatever, whatever you see, president, mayor, governor. Do me a favor. Before you check off any of that, S and P, 500, real estate. Before you check any of that, check you.

• 45:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 45:23Eric Thomas?

  Before you check anything, check you and go look yourself in the mirror and go, yo, I'm my lottery ticket. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm my ticket out of the neighborhood or, you know, I'm the broken curse. Like whatever you want to call yourself. But the day I stopped saying, my mom, my dad, this person, the police, the cop. The day I stopped doing that, the day I said, you.

• 45:44Lewis Howes?

  Do you think anyone can have a beautiful, amazing life if they live in a blaming mindset?

• 45:52Eric Thomas?

  No. No, you know why? Because what I didn't realize as a young adult is that when you say it's somebody else, whether you mean to do it or not, you give them the keys to your life. You give them power over you. They got your whole life in their hand. Because you said it, you said it. They didn't do this and because they didn't, they got the keys. Now, I'll be honest, the reason why we don't want to take the keys because we got to drive. We got to drive and I told you. Today, I was like, I got too much to do. I normally drive. I'm like, I got too much to do. And it felt good to be in the car driven. It felt good. Yeah. Like I'm on the phone, talking to my wife, we having worship, doing our thing, making a couple of business calls. Like I don't have the responsibility of the traffic. Paying attention. I got paid attention. He moved over and got, I was like, why is he stopping in the middle of?

• 46:37Eric Thomas?

  But it was a, uh, a truck was coming. So he had to move over. I didn't know what was going on because it was the first time in my life that I wasn't really like responsible. Because I normally drive. And that's why people don't want to drive in their lives. They don't want to be responsible. It's so much easier to say, my life is messed up because you did this and you did that. Once you take the keys now, you got to go anything. But I'm gonna tell you this. This is why I like it. While it's more responsibility, it's more freedom. It's more independence, it's more control. Opportunities. More opportunities. They limited. But the limitless when you take the keys. And so I took the keys in my life and said, my thanks. Dad, thanks for not being there for me. You gave me a dog. You gave me a passion. You gave me resilience.

• 47:21Eric Thomas?

  You taught me how to make it when the very thing that's supposed to be there for you isn't there for you. And I tell people, what I want? Some kid asked me the other day, he's like, man, wouldn't you say your son is lucky because you're in his life and his mom is in his life? I said, yes and no. I said, yes, he's blessed to have his mom and dad, but he ain't got that dog. He doesn't have the hunger? He ain't got that dog. My son is a great kid. But he doesn't have the drive. He ain't got the same drive I got. And that drive came without some stuff that I lack. That stuff came from lack. And so I say to anybody, you got, you got to understand, it could go either way. But when you take the. You take the, the, it's like I walk into a school and I ask, how many of y'all?

• 48:06Eric Thomas?

  Fifty kids. How many of you kids in here? A thousand kids. How many of your dads won in your life was not living in a house? Ninety percent raised their hand. And guess what? I automatically can relate to them. I, that, that's the, that's the je ne sais quoi, that my daddy wasn't there. That's the if factor. If my father had been there, I might not be able to go in here and relate. Or my videos that go viral, people are like, okay, maybe if I just had Eric's voice. Or if I just screamed and I just looked passionate.

• 48:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:32Eric Thomas?

  Bruh, that's not what, that's not what it is. It's when I speak, you hear it because I've been through what you've been through.

• 48:40Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 48:40Eric Thomas?

  And so you, you recognize that voice. You recognize the pain. You recognize the struggle, but you recognize I overcame it. And that's why you're like, I want to rock with this dude. Cause this one ain't, he, some kind of way, Eric ain't the one that's making us feel like, oh, it's okay that you went through this and it's okay that this, and you, it's okay if you don't want to grow. And it's okay if you don't want, no. What you hear from me is a coach that's saying, Jordan, you got six rings in you, but, you got to stop playing this way and you gotta start playing this way. Kobe, you got great, but you gotta, you gotta do it this way. Serena, you got a Venus, you got a, that, Richard Williams is saying, he not out there just.

• 49:19Lewis Howes?

  Good job, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:20Eric Thomas?

  He, he's, he's teaching, training, but he's also correcting. And so for me, they hear my voice, I'm not letting you get away with murder. Because greatness is in you. The greatness is in you and now it's time to go to school. It's time to go to work and bring that greatness out of you. So yes, anybody, anybody could be successful, but as long as you're playing the blame game, you have, you have given permission, the license, registration, the keys. You give it all over to somebody else. And the day you take it is the day that you could start deciding which direction you want to go.

• 49:53Lewis Howes?

  Wow. So that sounds like step one, take the keys back to your life.

• 49:57Eric Thomas?

  Take the keys back.

• 49:59Lewis Howes?

  What would steps two and three be for setting people up for their ultimate life? What would that beginning process, is it, is it get clear on a goal? Is it start with motivation, start with discipline, like change your habits? What would the next couple of steps be to set up the mindset for success?

• 50:14Eric Thomas?

  I, I would say step two, and, and I don't know why they don't teach this in school. Like be your first best friend. Hmm. You know, like get to know you. We're so busy wanting to be in a community that we don't realize we are a community. Hmm. Right? And look, I'm not trying to be deep, you know, people could, you know, you believe this, you don't believe in this. But what I was taught, you know, in school, especially Catholic school, it seemed like Adam was by himself first. Hmm. It doesn't seem like it was like a somebody else. It was like Adam was first and then whatever happened after that. So the first man was by himself. And I think that's important for those of us who study that. Why?

• 50:58Eric Thomas?

  Because all of us think we have to have somebody to be somebody. And this guy started on his, he started his journey on his own before he connected with somebody, whatever. He knew his purpose, you know, he, he walked in his confidence, he walked, and a lot of us are going, I hear people all the time. Ah, well, I'm not doing good life. Why not? I don't have nobody. I'm not in a relationship. I'm saying, you, you telling me, no, listen to me very closely. Do you think for one minute that getting in a relationship with somebody, it can't be the key? Because so many people have gotten in relationships and gotten out of it. So that, that can't be the key. Now, two healthy people, not perfect, but two healthy people coming together, oh no, that's different. It's expansive. But, but guess what has to happen? You gotta be healthy with you.

• 51:39Eric Thomas?

  Healthy before you can be with this. So we even messing each other up when we have two dysfunctional people trying to connect with each other. Because we think two functional people gonna come together and make each other, it's not gonna work. So I just think the, the first step after the first step is you gotta figure out who you are and love you. And feel good about you and show up in the ring. Hmm. You and not care what nobody think about you. And that's, that's why this, this relationship has worked so well for me over the years. Because when we're together, it's never been a thing of E, why you do that? E, why you do that? Or E, why you do that? It's always been like, E, you have a unique set of skills that make you great. You have a unique set. And so we've always focused on what's our unique skills? And what do you know that I don't know? And how can you help me get to?

• 52:24Eric Thomas?

  And so a lot of these young kids are joining things they shouldn't join and being with. Because they think their happiness is going to come from being with somebody else. And I just think if you, if you be, if eagles aren't trying to, they just are, they not trying, lions aren't, what do you think about me? What do you think about my roar? You think I'm too loud when I roar? They're not concerned. And so I think step two, figure out who you are, love you, and step three, figure out your North Star. And wake up every single day going after your North Star. Because when you have a North Star, you know, and the people that you love and you spend time with have a North Star, have a purpose.

• 53:07Eric Thomas?

  And look, their purpose might be, we both have people whose purposes are to help us with our purpose. Yes. They don't necessarily have a, an individual purpose. Like they feel like they were called to help us. To serve our mission. That's it. So we need a North Star so they can know what their North Star is. So that would be my, my, my third one. It's like, you gotta figure out what makes you happy. And again, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with, um, I, first time I did a behind the scenes coming in here. Just because I was like, to my Patreon community, like yo, y'all need to understand where I am and what's going on. But I don't, if you follow me on Instagram or, or TikTok, wherever I'm on, you don't see behind the scenes. I think that's a phenomenal tool to show other people what, but my wife is private.

• 53:52Eric Thomas?

  So, so for us, that does not work. She does not want to be seen in the limelight. She doesn't want to be in Dubai and stop and go, let's take a, let's document what we're doing. She doesn't like that. So for some people it works, but I don't have to do that to still find a space, right? There's some people, you know, they do tours, right? I don't do tours. That's not my thing. I used to do them. I don't do them now. There's some people that write books. Some people don't write books. Like, it doesn't matter, but what matters is you have to find a thing that wakes you up. Yes. At three o'clock or six o'clock or 10 o'clock. Like, you gotta find a thing that brings the life out of you, the joy out of you, the happiness out of you. And you can't do that following somebody else's North Star.

• 54:33Eric Thomas?

  So my last one would be, figure out what you was put on this earth to do, and I mean every single chance you have to. Do it, do it, and when you're not doing it, enjoy your life. My, my son was like, damn, um, I'm tired. I say, you tired? You burnt out for what? Look at your mom and dad. You work for the family. What are you doing? Well, I've been up the last six days, working ten, twelve hours. I said, for what? What would you be doing that for? Like, why wouldn't you take advantage of the? He said, what should I be doing? I said, you should figure out what it is you do. He's a designer. Right? You should be designing clothes, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, whenever, five, six hours a day. And then Saturday, Sunday, or Friday, Saturday, because of your family, you should get a trip somewhere

• 55:18Eric Thomas?

  and go spend it with, um, a friend. You should go see, you should go to Italy. You should go to Rome, son. You should go to South Africa, son. You should go to, uh, the Gold Coast. And Australia, son. What are you, like, you should, what are you doing? Like, you should work, but a part of work also is, where's your play? You should play. We worked hard. So you could be back. So don't be like us. We grew up in a, a, a working class home. We grew up in Detroit. We grew up blue collar. You're not blue collar. So go enjoy your life. Be balanced. So I'm not just saying, fine, you're no star in terms of what you've been called to do for others, but there should be a healthy amount of time that you spend enjoying your life.

• 56:00Eric Thomas?

  You know, and enjoying the little time that you have here. We're not, we both know. We won't be doing this podcast a hundred years from now.

• 56:06Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 56:08Eric Thomas?

  We don't know how much longer we have, but, but I won't be a hundred and fifty-four, sitting down talking to you. So however much time I have left, we, I need to work hard and I need to enjoy that time.

• 56:18Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely. Those are beautiful, man. I, I've heard you talk about a concept I want to share in a second. But I feel like there's a group of people we've been talking to, you've been talking to, that are the people that have maybe don't have the opportunities they want. They don't have the life they want. They feel like people are holding them down. That's one group. Then there's another group of people, which I feel like is a majority of people that have. A good life. It's okay, it's good, but they don't, they're not living a great life for themselves. Maybe they got a good job and they're pretty healthy. Got a decent relationships, but something, there's like something missing. I think if you can, if that resonates with anyone listening or watching, comment below or leave a like if you feel like, yeah, my life is good, but I feel like something's off.

• 57:03Lewis Howes?

  You have this great concept called creating a mental rock bottom to push yourself towards your goals. Can you share more about kind of some practical steps of creating your own mental rock bottom? So that you can go to the next level in your life?

• 57:19Eric Thomas?

  Okay, I want to use the term that you use and you said create. And I just think so many of us have stepped into careers, that group. We have worship create, create, our careers more than we worship create. And so the first thing I would say to that group is what would life look like if you did it on your terms? Cause right now you really not doing on your terms. What you've done is say, yo, if I want to survive, if I want to strive, this is what I have to do. And, and you have allowed people to tell you, okay, you need to be an engineer or you need to be a, and you need to move it. So you've done a phenomenal job in, in being obedient. You've, you've done a phenomenal job in, in complying.

• 57:59Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 57:59Eric Thomas?

  Like you've done a phenomenal job. You follow the rules.

• 58:02Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 58:02Eric Thomas?

  Congratulations. You don't say like, you didn't rob a bank. You don't say like, you haven't done anything illegal. You did exactly what a good child should do. And I have a, a, a daughter that I have to get on her sometime because she's that child that's like, yo, dad, what do you guys want me to do? And I, and, and I've never messed up.

• 58:18Lewis Howes?

  She's obedient.

• 58:19Eric Thomas?

  She's never messed up. I said, do me a favor. Don't always be obedient.

• 58:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 58:23Eric Thomas?

  Like, you need to sit down and ask yourself, if you weren't thinking about the family's name, if you didn't, if Eric Thomas, E T hip hop preacher was not your father, what would you be doing? What would you be doing if you didn't have to worry about honoring, you know, the dynasty? What would you, and you're doing a phenomenal job of honoring this dynasty. I'm not taking anything. Went to school, handled your business. You've never been in trouble before. We've never had to spend money doing anything. You've been a phenomenal child. But what would you do if you lived life on your terms? And you were able to go where you want to do. And so that's the first thing I would ask them to do. I want you to think about your life instead of the life. Because that's what you've been thinking about, the life, not think about your life. And I want you to start putting it everywhere. Now, the next thing I want you to do is I want you to know

• 59:07Eric Thomas?

  that if you have the ability, like I never forget CJ was like, okay, E, you know what you're missing that? The big boy, all the big boy speakers, you know what you're missing. I was like, no. He was like, the New York Times bestseller. Now, I'm not telling you gotta do it, but I'm saying. That's what's missing.

• 59:25Eric Thomas?

  You know. You got it.

• 59:28Eric Thomas?

  So he was like, first of all, do you want it? Do you want it? Don't do it because I'm saying. But do you want it? And he could elevate you, but do you want it? And I was like, yeah, I want it. The next question becomes, what does it take to do it? And then, am I willing? To do what it takes. To get it. Yeah. That's it. Because it's a lot. It's a lot. But here's the thing, I believe if you think about it, it is only because somewhere inside of you, you have what it takes. Now, capacity is there. Willingness is something totally different. Yes. That's different. But I want every human to know, you wouldn't be watching the school, you wouldn't be watching or listening to the school of greatness if you didn't believe you were greats.

• 1:00:09Eric Thomas?

  I'm just, I'm just, for real. You, you wouldn't be spending time with this man on a regular basis. I'm telling you, I wouldn't be going to Columbus. Bruh, I drove to Columbus. Bruh, it's not a, trust me when I tell you, it's not a, you don't get off the freeway.

• 1:00:26Eric Thomas?

  It's not 65 to get up. Why did I go? Because this man is great and greats want to hang with greats. I need y'all to understand. Look, y'all may not know. Listen to me, I've got Nomad suitcases that I still carry to this day because he gave them to me. Like, I, I, I didn't buy a new one. I've carried the exact same ones that he gave me. And my son bought a set because I had a set. Because it reminds me of him when I travel. It's like greatness, great. So you wouldn't be watching, you wouldn't be locked in, something in your spirit has you tuned into this man because you know you're great. Now you gotta say to yourself, am I willing to cooperate? Yes. With the greatness that's in me. And then once you do.

• 1:01:09Eric Thomas?

  And you start consistently operating in that, you gonna feel good about it. Here's what you have to do. You have to understand, hundreds of years, I think, saying, the top of one mountain is the bottom of the next. Wow. So, so, so you get to the top of the mountain, but you understand, the, the G, the GED was just one. The, the fourth degree was just one, the master's just, after the PhD was the New York top. After that, it's the assessments, it's the training, it's the coaching. I, I'm, I'm in masterminds. I, I get coached. Yeah. Right? And so it's this idea of yesterday's greatness can't be enough because I'm alive today. So if I'm alive today, it must be some more greatness in me.

• 1:01:50Eric Thomas?

  And it's my job, like the toothpaste, is my job not to just, I don't know about you, but I would just use a little bit of it and get another one. He getting the last drop. I'm squeezing, I got money, I'm squeezing that toothpaste. Why? Cause I'm trying to get everything out the tube before I go to another one. And with my life, before I get out of here, which is why I could murder myself, that I didn't realize at 12 that I was great. And that's why I said you gotta check in 2025, you 2025, right? Because I didn't know I was great. And once I checked and then realized how great I was, I was like, bruh, we gonna keep doing this. And to the day we die.

• 1:02:30Eric Thomas?

  And so I would just say to you, you're, you're watching, you're in this space, you're reading his books, you're going to his conferences because you know it's in you. And it's time to stop being lazy and it's time to, it's time to activate. I love that, man.

• 1:02:43Lewis Howes?

  I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel exclusively on Apple podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately, that you are loved, you are worthy and you matter.

• 1:03:27Lewis Howes?

  And now it's time to go out there and do something great.