704 The Power of Building Influential Relationships

YOUR CONNECTIONS WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE. The biggest challenge I see is that most people don’t have support groups. You will not get to where you want to go without the help of those who know more than you. Find people who won’t just take from you. Find people who will help you build your dreams. That’s why, for this episode of School of Greatness, I put together a networking mashup. Here are three excerpts from previous interviews with three people whose careers have been made through networking: Keith Ferrazzi, Bozoma Saint John, and Scooter Braun. Keith Ferrazzi is a two-time NYT bestselling author including Never Eat Alone, which has become a staple among networking books. His firm coaches the very top companies and individuals in how to practice vulnerability and emotional intelligence to create and develop powerful relationships. Bozama Saint John is the marketing mastermind behind brands such as Pepsi and Beats by Dre. She is currently the Chief Marketing Officer at Endeavor after leaving Uber in June of 2018. She grew up in Africa, went to an ivy-league school, and has overcome a lot in her life. Scooter Braun is a talent manager, investor, and philanthropist who represent artists like Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande, Kanye West and more. At the age of 20 he became an agent. In 2013, he was on the Time 100 list of the most influential people in the world. Scooter co-organized the March for Our Lives, the demonstration for stricter gun laws, in 2018. These three people know that relationships are the key to success. You don’t have to do everything on your own. Don’t let fear of asking for help hold you back from networking and accomplishing your goals. Learn how relationships can help you get where you want to go on Episode 704. Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 704 on the power of building influential relationships. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:32Lewis Howes?

  Harvey McKay said, "My golden rule of networking is simple, don't keep score." And the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships. And the quality of your business is no different. So excited about this episode because we just got finished with the Summit of Greatness 2018, our third annual event. And I've been hearing nonstop feedback from the weekend about how many key influential relationships, the 1,500-plus attendees all made with one another, with the speakers, the performers, and all the influencers who were in attendance.

• 1:12Lewis Howes?

  For me, over the last 10 years, since I got started in online business and building a business and brand, relationships have been the cornerstone of my business and my growth. It's what's gotten me in the big rooms. It's what's gotten me the mainstream press, the six and seven-figure deals, the New York Times bestselling author. All those big things I've achieved have come through key, influential, powerful individuals that I've connected with over the years. And finding those key influential people for your business, or your career, or your life is one thing. Connecting with them and cultivating a relationship is another. We're going to talk about that in this episode, but if you haven't...

• 1:56Lewis Howes?

  Been to one of my Summit of Greatness events, my annual event. Make sure to check out my Instagram stories right now and my page at Lewis Howes to check out what happened this last weekend is it was crazy. And early bird tickets for next year are available. So make sure to go to summitofgreatness.com/2019. In this episode, we cover how people in your life help you make a roadmap for where you want to go. Also, why you need to make a relationship action plan, the importance of an accountability group and how you can find a powerful one. We discuss why you are never too good for a job and the reason you should always bring

• 2:39Lewis Howes?

  your creative best to the table and why you need to go all in and not let failure be an option for you. We bring you Keith Varazzi, one of the leading experts on building high net worth relationships, New York Times bestseller of Never Eat Alone. We bring you Bozma St. John, who is incredible at building relationships in her career over her track record and Scooter Braun, my good friend, who has one of the most influential networks in the world to teach you insights on how to build powerful relationships. Again, I thank you to our sponsor and for those who are looking to grow your business, your brand, your relationships, this is the episode for you.

• 3:22Lewis Howes?

  LewisHowes.com/704. Make sure to share it out with your friends. Without further ado, let's dive into the show.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  Our job is to create a roadmap of individuals in our lives through whom we learn. And I just started a new, I was just chatting with you about a second ago, I started a new high-tech, mobile enterprise software company. I am so out of my element, but you know, I'm raising money, I'm hiring individuals, I'm coming up with strategy, I'm building a sales force, I'm doing a lot of the stuff I know how to do, a lot of stuff I don't know how to do. I am finding mentors. Left and right. It's survival.

• 4:04Lewis Howes?

  You are, yeah.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  So mentorship to me is about relational learning. And if you think about it that way, then you don't have a mentor. You have many mentors around your learning roadmap.

• 4:16Lewis Howes?

  What is relational learning? What does that actually mean?

• 4:18Speaker 01

  All right, what are my goals in life? You've got plenty of goals in your life, and we've talked about these at lunch. I remember that great conversation we had. And then what you do is you assign to your goals a relationship action plan. And a relationship action plan, as I teach in Never Eat Alone, had to do with who are the individuals that will open up opportunity for me, right? That's great, but then the next question is, who are the individuals that'll teach me the stuff I need to do to be successful? Once I get there and on my way to getting there. That's a distinct relationship map. Do you have the opportunity relationship map? Who's gonna get me that job? Who's gonna introduce me to the network that I need? Who's gonna help me get clients? Opportunity network.

• 4:56Lewis Howes?

  Which is huge.

• 4:57Speaker 01

  And then the relational learning network is separate, right? And I think both are critical to be curated.

• 5:03Lewis Howes?

  Interesting. What's more important? Getting the foot in the door or?

• 5:07Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, right? I mean, because if you show up as an empty suit, without the intellectual curiosity, without the inquisitive questions, which I learned from the learning roadmap individuals, the relational learning roadmap, the answer is yes. Like, I mean, look, I guess I would rather get a shot at the job. If I had to choose one or the other, the opportunity roadmap is critical. But I have to tell you, you'll never exceed, you'll never grow. And then the third set of relationships, which we've talked about, are the lifelines that actually go one step deeper. It's not about knowledge acquisition. It's about butt-kicking accountability. It's that small group of people, those lifeline relationships, as I talk about in Who's Got Your Back, that won't let you fail.

• 5:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  So for us to achieve anything we want to achieve in our life, we gotta have the opportunity. We gotta have the knowledge and the wisdom. But then we have to have the chutzpah, the push, the drive, the accountability, that frankly, most of us will fail ourselves and need somebody else for butt-kicking.

• 6:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly. And the challenge I see with most people is that they don't have a support group, or accountability group, or a mastermind, or whatever you wanna call it. So how does someone first find that? And figure out who the right people are that aren't gonna suck the energy from them, but are also gonna give and take at the same time?

• 6:23Speaker 01

  Look, it's trial and error. When I wrote Who's Got Your Back, there's a chapter in it that talks about the long, slow dinner. And I think by the time we're done here in a short period of time, I want everybody who's watching us to have a relationship action plan. So, you know, as we're sitting here, scribble down your goals. And next to every goal, start writing three to five people's names, critical to achieving those goals. Interesting. That's the opportunity group. Then, I want you to ask yourself, who to achieve my goal do I want to learn from? Write those names down. Then start imagining who are the people that I could trust around four core, there are four core characteristics of a lifeline relationship. And frankly, all relationships, but the, but the tightest ones have to have four things.

• 7:08Speaker 01

  Number one is intimacy to the point of vulnerability. Can I tell you when I'm really feeling weak? Can I tell you when I'm up against the wall? Intimacy to the point of vulnerability. Second is generosity. Do I really want to help you and do you really want to help me? Do we, do we care enough to help? Generosity. Candor, will you tell me the truth? Right? Most intimate, critical relationships lie to each other. And they should. Sure. Candor and, and conflict avoidance is horrible. Why do they lie to each other? Because they just don't want to make each other feel bad? Cancellation, they think that that's their role to make each other feel good. Yeah. Look, I mean, I think a lot of it is the people don't realize that relationships need to be leaned on. The relationships aren't scarce.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  That they're, a lot of people are conflict avoidant out of psychological fear of abandonment. I mean, there's a lot of insecurities and fear that drive our relational behaviors. And I have to say that conflict avoidance has to be one of the most erosive, erosive elements of organizational and human society. Right? So, the, the fourth is accountability. Hmm. Right? But candor and accountability together make a high performing relationship. What I would do is I would list three people that you have a strong enough relationship with now. You and I, frankly, you and I have a perfectly reasonable and strong enough relationship. I call it a level two relationship. Okay. Maybe we're bordering on a three, but certainly two to three and three is a strong relationship.

• 8:35Speaker 01

  If you want to go to a lifeline, which is like in my world, a three plus. Uh huh. What you're gonna do is you're gonna go out and have a long, slow dinner. You're gonna take your armor off. And you're gonna say, look, here's what I want to do. Here's what I'm afraid of. And here's how I think I'm gonna get there. What do you think? And see how the person responds. Do they respond with candor? Do they respond with intimacy? Do they let their guards down? Do they respond with accountability? At the end of the dinner, are they saying to you, dude, let's talk next week because I think you should do these two or three things. And I'm gonna hold you accountable for them, damn it. Now, if after the dinner, they don't call you the following week, then maybe they're not the right person to be your lifeline, right?

• 9:24Bozoma Saint John?

  But this is why I just, I love when we think about like culture and connections with people and stuff like that. It didn't matter where I came from or that I'd gone to this super snobby school and thought I was like the biggest, illest thing. You make connections with people and they saved my life. They fed me.

• 9:43Lewis Howes?

  That's amazing.

• 9:44Bozoma Saint John?

  Actually, because I was in Floridita when the wonderful waitress, who had become like an auntie to me, was like, you need a job. And I'm like, I know, I'm trying to get a job. But I was like applying for these like highfalutin jobs that didn't make any sense. Now I look back on it and like I laugh at myself.

• 10:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you needed like an entry level.

• 10:03Bozoma Saint John?

  Yeah, I need like an entry level job. And she had like a niece or something who signed up with a temp agency. And so she was like, oh, you know, you sign up and basically, you know, you call them every night and they'll tell you where you need to go in the morning. So it's like it's transient work, basically. And I was like, yeah, whatever, anything.

• 10:21Lewis Howes?

  Pay me fifty, a hundred bucks a day.

• 10:22Bozoma Saint John?

  It doesn't matter. I was making zero money, so anything would have been good. So I walked in there, they laughed at me because I had like, you know, a great degree and like all these experiences, you know, speak languages. They were just like.

• 10:34Lewis Howes?

  Professor.

• 10:35Bozoma Saint John?

  Yeah, they were like, what are you doing here? But they sent me out on jobs. I was a receptionist at a dog washing salon on the Upper East Side. I filed like National Geographics at this one place for like two months, which was awful, nearly lost my mind in that one. God, I did so many little things. Oh, I was a, oh, what do they call them when, you know, you're like serving at a party? You're wearing like the tux?

• 10:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, like a.

• 11:00Bozoma Saint John?

  Catering, catering, yes. So I did that a few times, which by the way, I mean, all of these experiences now.

• 11:06Lewis Howes?

  What every model does.

• 11:07Bozoma Saint John?

  Yeah, right, right. Exactly. Except I was, you know, I was in the club though.

• 11:12Bozoma Saint John?

  Out in those streets.

• 11:14Bozoma Saint John?

  Get to know people and, God, all the clubs in New York then, which were just so fun and just crazy. I also made so many good friends at that time because all of like the assistants or people who were like entry level at their own places would like get you in to the party. So like my good friend, Moxa Fitzgibbons, who's now very senior at Complex magazine. I met him that way where like I would go to their magazine release parties. They have one every month and past our doors are free. You know what I mean?

• 11:43Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 11:43Bozoma Saint John?

  Open bar.

• 11:44Lewis Howes?

  Oh, yeah.

• 11:44Bozoma Saint John?

  So I go and eat there, right? It was great. That's just hustling, just hustling to make it. And then one day I got the divine intervention, the call that it was like, okay, Spike Lee had fired his assistant and they needed me to go cover phones the next day. So it was.

• 12:00Lewis Howes?

  You were like, oh, this is my jam.

• 12:02Bozoma Saint John?

  I was like.

• 12:02Lewis Howes?

  Something like this.

• 12:03Bozoma Saint John?

  I'm like, yeah, this is me. Yeah, this is me for me. You know, so I go in there, I'm wearing like the only gray suit I own. I've pulled my hair back into like a severe bun. I'm wearing these little tiny pearls because I want it to look professional. And I walk in there and he's like, they sent me Miss America. That's literally what he said to me. Like, I was like, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, like all shriveled out, you know, like.

• 12:25Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 12:26Bozoma Saint John?

  You know, I was like, oh, my God, I'm getting fired before I answer the first phone.

• 12:30Bozoma Saint John?

  And he was like, who are you? And I was like, oh, I'm Bozeman St. John. I was like, it's an honor to meet you that I just want to help, you know, like where do you want me? He's just like, just sit down, okay, and answer the phone.

• 12:41Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 12:42Bozoma Saint John?

  Because here I thought I was going to be doing some big stuff, right? But that turned into a month of answering the phones. I was getting coffee.

• 12:47Lewis Howes?

  Come back the next day.

• 12:48Bozoma Saint John?

  Yeah, I got the dry cleaning, anything, lunch for anybody in the office, everything, whatever needs to be done. I mean, I was fixing the copy machine, anything that needed to be done, I was doing. Meanwhile, my dad is like calling me constantly and screaming, right? You have an Ivy League degree and you're getting coffee. He's so pissed. And then, again, moment of divine intervention. Spike had just finished writing Bamboozled, one of his films that, to me, is one of the greatest.

• 13:17Scooter Braun?

  I remember this.

• 13:18Bozoma Saint John?

  Yes, pieces of like, you know, just what racial conflict is like in America, right? And what it means and all that. Very, very deep film. He finished writing it and he threw it down on the desk and he was like, "Take a look at this." I didn't know any better. I thought he meant like, "Mark it up." Because, yeah, I was an English major. I mean, I was like, "Oh, let me just, let me grab my red pen."

• 13:37Scooter Braun?

  Wow.

• 13:38Bozoma Saint John?

  You know what I mean? And I marked this thing up. I marked it up. Now, I literally could die, sitting here and being like...

• 13:44Scooter Braun?

  Hey, go boss, like...

• 13:45Bozoma Saint John?

  Right?

• 13:46Scooter Braun?

  This a month in, two months, or...

• 13:47Bozoma Saint John?

  Like, yes, like, six weeks in.

• 13:49Scooter Braun?

  Wow.

• 13:49Bozoma Saint John?

  Like, I've been getting the coffee and the dry cleaning.

• 13:52Scooter Braun?

  Wow.

• 13:52Bozoma Saint John?

  Who you think you are? You just walk in, now you're gonna be marking up Spike Lee's script? Like, that's what you're gonna do? But like, yeah, he came the next day, he's like, "What'd you think of it?" And I was like, "Oh, yeah." I made, I made some notes. And he was like...

• 14:02Scooter Braun?

  Notes?

• 14:03Bozoma Saint John?

  "You made notes on my script?"

• 14:06Bozoma Saint John?

  And I was like, "Yeah, yeah." And so he like, he just shook his head and I remember like, literally everyone snickering, you know, around. And I was like, "Oh, my God, now I'm really gonna get fired," you know? And he goes into his office, like, an hour later, he walks back out, he's just like, "What do you do again?" And that was it? That was it? I had a full-time job.

• 14:24Scooter Braun?

  No way.

• 14:25Bozoma Saint John?

  I got promoted. Yep, I had a little desk. Then I became like, the assistant account executive. I didn't even know what the hell that was. But I told my dad, I have benefits, you know, so...

• 14:35Scooter Braun?

  You're not a temp anymore, yeah.

• 14:36Bozoma Saint John?

  I was not a temp anymore.

• 14:42Scooter Braun?

  What happened was, Jermaine was, took me to, I'll never forget, took me downstairs to this nightclub and he wanted to talk alone. And he got on this stool, and he's so short that his feet were dangling. And he's like, "Man, I'm gonna get you living in mansions and these parties aren't gonna be there. Come work for me at SoSoDef." And I said, "Okay." And I went and worked for SoSoDef for three years and dropped out of school. And I still remember when he gave me like, my SoSoDef puffy jacket, like, it's kind of like a starter jacket, but it had SoSoDef and a shooter on it. I thought I was the coolest guy in the whole world. Because I was like, "Money ain't a thing." But yeah, that was a really great ride. I learned a lot from Jermaine, super grateful. And then, you know, I've had certain people who've given me chances throughout my career.

• 15:19Lewis Howes?

  Right, right, right. So were you already three to five years in the promotion business when he approached you? Or was that earlier on?

• 15:27Scooter Braun?

  No, no, I was a big promoter when he approached me. Yeah, I was a big college party promoter.

• 15:30Lewis Howes?

  Everyone knew that you could.

• 15:32Scooter Braun?

  We were, we were the biggest revenue wise college promotion company in the US.

• 15:36Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 15:36Scooter Braun?

  And so we were doing really well. I'm like, that's my seat. I was like, where's that sound coming from? And I was like, oh, that's me.

• 15:41Lewis Howes?

  It's all good. So you made a name for yourself and he was like, okay, this guy can consistently bring in.

• 15:47Scooter Braun?

  He used to call me his Lior to his Russell Simmons. So little Lior, white puff. I had a lot of cool little nicknames back then.

• 15:55Lewis Howes?

  So what did you start doing for him? So you learned a lot in this promotional business. It sounds like you learned a lot, just like guerrilla marketing, basically, and being creative. What did you learn while at the next level? And what were you doing specifically for him? Was it more marketing artists and?

• 16:09Scooter Braun?

  Yeah, it was, it was marketing artists. It was building outside campaigns. I was the vice president of marketing at So Set Up Records. I was 20 years old.

• 16:16Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 16:17Scooter Braun?

  And we went on this crazy run where when I signed on with Jermaine, he didn't even have distribution yet. He signed on new distribution and then we did Jaquan, Tipsy, we did Anthony Hamilton. We did Young Bloods. We did Usher Confessions. Jermaine executive produced that. And that's how me and Usher became close because we were in the studio every night. In fact, Confessions Part One almost didn't happen because I was trying to get them to come to the nightclub with me.

• 16:39Lewis Howes?

  No way.

• 16:39Scooter Braun?

  And they kicked me out of the studio.

• 16:41Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 16:41Scooter Braun?

  Smart move, guys. But yeah, I didn't, I was still learning. And while I was doing that, I was trying to create my own artist. So I was spending all my money on the side.

• 16:49Lewis Howes?

  Is this Usher or is this?

• 16:50Scooter Braun?

  No, this was, this was early on. These were acts that people don't know about because it was while I was still learning. You know, so I had this act OD and that fell apart because they robbed a bunch of banks in Atlanta. And the FBI shut them down. They got caught because our mixtape I paid for to put out, they were posing. And the FBI finally identified them from our mixtape that we flooded Atlanta with. And then I had this artist, Kato, who was part of OD, who I was very close with. And I just financed everything for a long time. I mean, I paid for the mixes, the masters, the housing. I mean, it was just like, I was understanding how to develop an artist. And I learned a lot from that experience because I failed.

• 17:26Lewis Howes?

  What were some of the big lessons you learned or anything with that?

• 17:29Scooter Braun?

  Well, I learned how to make records, first of all. I mean, I learned the mixing, the mastering. I learned the radio promotion side independently because I was working record independently. I learned, you know, how to trust my gut at the right time. And I and I hear all the time of like, oh, everything you sign, you know, blows up. But I I had a lot of failures before Asher Roth happened. And Asher was kind of a new beginning for me because it was the first time I did it without Sosodex and my back was against the wall. I had it was all my money. I had no income coming in. I refused to do parties.

• 17:58Lewis Howes?

  You had everything to lose, basically.

• 17:59Scooter Braun?

  Everything. I mean, literally, I I will never forget. I'm actually moving into my new house, my wife now, and I looked around. I said, I can't believe we live here because I remember paying for pizza with change. You know, I remember I ordered this pizza and I realized I didn't have any money and I had to wait till the next party the following week. And I paid for pizza with change and then I was quick parties called Turkey because I said, if I have to throw a party again, I failed. So I I had enough money when I signed Asher to, you know, live for about 13 months, my lifestyle, and then I was going to go broke. And I signed Asher and Justin within four months of each other and I put everything into them. I mean,

• 18:34Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 18:34Scooter Braun?

  housing, studio time, paying for the tutor, paying for the the furniture, paying everything. And I really believed in these guys and it makes it all worth it now because it was, I was far away from home. I couldn't go home. I wasn't asking my dad for money since I was 18. And I had to make it for my on my my own. And the idea of failing wasn't an option.

• 18:56Lewis Howes?

  Did you ever think that one of them wanted or both of them wouldn't be successful in their own way or that you wouldn't they wouldn't work out or you would have to find another way to make money?

• 19:04Scooter Braun?

  No, I really, I really believed in both of them. When I found Asher, I knew exactly what it could be. What Asher also taught me, though, is sometimes artists don't want to be as big as you want them to be. Asher was super happy being who he was. And I had this vision to make him the biggest artist in the world. And, you know, we had so much hype and he just that wasn't what he wanted. And one of my closest friends now is my brother for life and he just put out a video the other day, kind of chronicling the whole journey we've had together for himself. And it was really nice to see because, you know, he just wanted to make music and enjoy his life and never really be famous and, you know, and he's achieved that and he's done very well for himself and he had the big hit. He had the number three album.

• 19:46Scooter Braun?

  And it was a struggle for me with Justin. Justin was like, make me the biggest. Let's go.

• 19:51Lewis Howes?

  Perfect.

• 19:52Scooter Braun?

  You know, and, and, you know, he was very much like me and we, you know, grinded and he was a young man and, you know, it was, uh, it was a different thing, but you know, when Asher made I Love College, it was in the basement of this house I was renting, this crap hole that like had rats everywhere. It was called the greenhouse because the truth is he was smoking so much weed down there. But that night, uh, he wasn't smoking weed. He never smoked when Justin was around, but he recorded I Love College and Justin actually was in the studio.

• 20:20Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 20:20Scooter Braun?

  Uh, he was with studio. It was like a little crap room in the basement. You know, my buddy was doing engineering, but we all kind of came up together and there's this really great picture of me, Asher and Justin on the front porch of that house and no one knew Justin was. I mean, there's videos of Asher and me with Ludacris and everyone's hyped because Asher and Ludacris are in the same room and they don't notice there's this little kid sitting behind us.

• 20:39Lewis Howes?

  Just chilling.

• 20:40Scooter Braun?

  It's Justin.

• 20:51Lewis Howes?

  There you have it, my friends. I hope you enjoyed this episode, all about the power of building influential relationships, how to build them, how to cultivate them and how to add value to influential people. This is a powerful one. Again, relationships are the key to growth in any business and I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, make sure to share with your friends, lewishouse.com/704. All the show notes back at the show notes page. You can check it out there and let me know what you thought of this. Make sure to share it on your Instagram stories and tag me as well. Again, Harvey McKay said, "The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships and the

• 21:32Lewis Howes?

  quality of your business is no different." Are you cultivating new relationships in your life? Are the five most influential people around you actually positive or negative? Are they succeeding in the ways that you want to be succeeding? If not, make sure to take a look at that and start seeing how can I cultivate new relationships, powerful relationships? What are the rooms I need to get into? Who do I need to be reaching out to online? How can I be different and creative? In the way I approach new relationships. I hope you guys enjoyed this one. And as always, you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great. You