SPECIAL: The Key Question to Reframe an Argument

In this episode Sam (@theSamParr) highlights the key question he asked to change a Twitter argument for the better. He also breaks down some of the content he's been consuming recently and shares what he liked about each piece. Do you like these special episodes? Tweet your feedback to Sam (@theSamParr) & let him know what you think. --------- * Want to be featured in a future episode? Drop your question/comment/criticism/love here: https://www.mfmpod.com/p/hotline/ * Support the pod by spreading the word, become a referrer here: https://refer.fm/million * Have you joined our private Facebook group yet? Go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/ourfirstmillion and join thousands of other entrepreneurs and founders scheming up ideas. --------- Show notes: * (:52) Ben Mallah on negotiating * (6:10) Michael Franzese on the Mafia * (10:20) How to reframe an argument * (12:35) The ugly side of Steve McQueen * (15:05) Cities giving incentives to move --------- Links: https://bit.ly/ben-mallah-negotiating https://bit.ly/michael-franzese-mfm https://bit.ly/reframingquestion https://bit.ly/remote-workers-incentives-mfm

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Sam Parr?

  All right. What's happened to my first million listeners? This is Sam Parr. We have a quick episode where I'm going to show you a handful of pieces of content I've consumed over the last week. And that made a big difference in my life. Hopefully you'll enjoy it. I enjoy content discovery and that's what this episode's all about. I think you will too. I'm currently filming this, recording this out of a townhouse, an apartment in a townhouse that I'm renting in Cabahill, Brooklyn. This place is lovely. I love Cabahill. This is my second summer here. God, it's, it's, it's wonderful. It, it looks like the, um, it looks like the Cosby Show, if, if you're old enough to remember that, where it's like a street in Brooklyn that's covered in trees with a, in a, in a pretty small street.

• 0:40Sam Parr?

  It's freaking awesome. My handle on Twitter is the Sam Parr. If you're nearby, holler at me. Maybe we'll do a meetup or something. All right. Let's get into some of the pieces of content that made a big difference in my life this week. The first, there's this guy named Ben Mula. His, uh, he's got a YouTube channel. So it's, uh, Ben, the word Ben, B E N, space, M U L L A H. Now this guy, he, he changed my perspective right away, but at first he, he's this, my perception of him is just one thing. And the reality is a little bit, a little bit different. And so he's this like big old fat guy. I mean, he might be 350, 400 pounds. He's huge and he's like six foot five, he looks like. And he films himself in Florida doing real estate deals.

• 1:24Sam Parr?

  And according to some of my research and according to what he says, he's legitimate. He's got about $250 million in real estate. And has this like pretty meaningful sized empire in Florida, but he basically, he's this big old fat guy. He smokes what looks like cheap cigarettes all day. He's drives in a kind of a gaudy Bentley and he's pretty obnoxious. He cusses a lot. He uses a lot of just weird phrasing. And on the surface you're like, oh my God, this guy is hideous. He's disgusting. Like his personality is just obnoxious. Gosh, this guy turned me fast. I'm a big fan of Ben Mula. So his story is that he started as like a basically, he was like a poor Jewish kid in New York. He bought some real estate property in New York,

• 2:08Sam Parr?

  I believe Queens, for like 10, 20, $30,000 when he was younger. Fixed them up, sold them, and just kind of parlayed that into a bigger thing, a bigger thing, and a bigger thing. And now, he's probably in his 50s, and he's documenting his life. You know, he's already relatively successful. And I learned something really major from him that I'm going to tell you about. But first, let me tell you about some of this guy's titles. I mean, he's got a whole bunch of YouTube videos. It's a YouTube channel, Ben Mula, his YouTube channel. And some of his titles are so obnoxious, but so interesting. And that's originally how I found him. So a few of them are: The Cost of Living in a $30 Million Mansion, Process of Buying a $5 Million Yacht, How Much a $250 Million Man Is Losing During COVID.

• 2:52Sam Parr?

  So kind of obnoxious titles, but again, the reality is a little bit different. He's very charming, this guy. And I'm going to tell you what I've learned about him. Particularly, there's this video where he talks about negotiating. I believe it's called Ben Mula: How to Negotiate. And he walks into this Bentley dealership, and it's a pretty quiet, upscale place. I mean, they sell 250, $300,000 cars. And he starts talking really loud. He comes in with this camera, and he goes, "What's up, everyone? Ben's here. I'm here to buy a car. Could someone please come and help me?" And then he is just like walking around like he owns the place, and then he looks back at the camera, and he goes, "Let's liven this place up." So you could tell right away that he has a plan, like the plan was to come in loud and hot,

• 3:36Sam Parr?

  and that's exactly what he's doing. And he starts negotiating with this guy. And he goes, "I want this car. You know, let's talk about it." And they spend about five minutes talking about the car. And he pulls up his cellphone, and he goes, "Look, this is how much they're selling it here. This is how much they're selling it here." And he has all these other places where they're selling the exact same car for cheaper. And he goes, "I want it for this price." And the guy goes, "No, no, no, but those cars don't have a warranty. They're a different model. They have different features." And he starts like hassling the guy. He gives him like a fake punch to the stomach. He starts putting his arm around him. He starts hugging him. He starts telling him how he loves him and how he hates him. And he's doing this like slapstick comedy bit, almost. It's kind of like, again, the way I'm describing it, it sounds obnoxious, and frankly, it is a little bit. But the guy's laughing it up, and it seems like genuine. I mean, this guy Ben...

• 4:19Sam Parr?

  He uh, he's just hassling this guy. The owner of the dealership comes over and starts talking and Ben just goes, "Ha, ha, ha. You remind me of Mr. Rogers. You're so soft." He says it right to this guy's face, but here's what I learned.

• 4:34Sam Parr?

  What he's saying is it's kind of obnoxious. It's a little bit offensive, but this guy is controlling the energy of the place. His energy is a little bit higher than the people he's working with. And he has zapped the energy of the place and it all went to him. And then now he's like dishing this energy out to each individual person. And once they catch hold of it, they love it. They start laughing at what he's saying. And it seems like actual genuine laughs. They're, I think they're a little bit uncomfortable, but they're still genuine laughs. And he's dictating the, the energy of the room and thus winning the negotiation, winning the conversation. And it's pretty charming. When I saw him, I started laughing and I was like, oh man, like this guy, maybe when you leave the dealership, you're like,

• 5:19Sam Parr?

  "I can't believe I just sold the car for that guy at this price. I wish I wouldn't have done that." But in the moment, he does have some intoxicating energy and it's really interesting to watch. So his name's Ben Mula. At the end of the, at the end of this particular episode, he goes, "I would have bought that car from them regardless of what they sold it for because they've always been nice to me and they've always taken care of my cars when I brought it here. But I just had to get a deal because that's what I love." So his name's Ben Mula. Check it out. The video I'm referencing is called "How to Negotiate." This guy, when you see him, you'll understand what I mean. I mean, he just, he does not come off great at first, but he's very charming. And then, and basically if you control the energy of a situation, you're going to get the outcome that you want. He makes these guys smile the whole time and they dig it. It's very interesting. So Ben Mula.

• 6:03Sam Parr?

  I started watching his videos a while ago, but this week I dug in. I can't turn it off. He's got 20 minute videos. It's so fascinating. The second one, it's a guy named Michael Francis. So Michael Francis, his father, his father was named Sonny Francis. He um, was a, his father was a really big mafia guy. He helped kind of get the mob going. His, I believe his father worked with a guy, a lot of guys like Bugsy Siegel, Lucky Luciano, those types of folks. You know, these like mafia guys. who movies are made about and Michael his son he's I believe he's 71 now he joined the mob as well or the mafia I don't I don't know what the correct term actually is but and he tells stories about what it was like and it's bad the mob is bad right they kill they steal they commit crimes and and that's not great

• 6:47Sam Parr?

  but there's something about this guy that screams honor that screams loyalty and even though that this guy Michael I think he's redeemed himself he went to prison for a handful of years I don't think he ever killed anyone I'm certain he talks about kind of shaking people down a little bit and he talks about you know being friends with murderers so you know he wasn't that great of a guy but he went to prison for like five or 10 years ish he spent a lot of time in solitary confinement which is hell and now he's like um he talks a little bit about being a Christian he doesn't rub it in your face if that's not if you're not into that so you don't have to worry about that but he talks about how he tries to be a good guy now and he's trying to make up for all a lot of the stuff that he did in the past that wasn't great and it's really an interesting channel if if you're on YouTube

• 7:33Sam Parr?

  just search Michael mafia his name is Michael Francis it's hard to spell but you you'll find it and one of the stories that is tells is that basically in the 80s I believe he had this scam where he would buy oil from a wholesaler and then sell it to gas stations and when you do that I guess in the state of New York and New Jersey maybe it's throughout the country there's like a three a three or four or five cent difference that's supposed to be paid in taxes and so let's say you have a gallon of gas for a dollar you sell it for $2 five cents of that dollar profit that you just made has to go to the government it's some type of like oil or or gas tax and he basically created hundreds of different entities

• 8:16Sam Parr?

  and he would sell the gas to the gas station with a different entity and then just close it down and go bankrupt and just for some somehow the way it worked I guess he he just never had to pay the government taxes because they wouldn't come after him and he would just do that hundreds of times and inevitably he was like I knew they're gonna come after me but you know I'm a criminal I was I was doing a a scheme I I was gonna try and make as much as I could While the get was good and over the course of a handful of years, it made something like a billion dollars in revenue for for the mafia. And he said that at one point, uh, for a little while, him him personally, he was making something like, uh, $2 million a week in personal income. And he owned a jet, he invested in movies, he owned a Mazda dealership.

• 8:58Sam Parr?

  It's a really fascinating story and there is a little bit of a honor, even though they're, these guys are committing crimes, even though Michael ended up. Um, I don't think he ratted on anyone, but he is talking about the mob, which I guess you're not supposed to if you've been part of it. So you could definitely make the case that, well, he's not that honorable if he's did all this. But there is, you know, every great man is uh, is also a bad man, but I think a lot of them can be great too. You know, you could be good and bad at the same time and and there's a lot of really interesting traits that this guy uh, has. And I think you guys should listen to it because I've actually learned a lot when he talks about being in solitary confinement, you know? Solitary confinement is hell. I I I love crime stuff and I listen to a lot of crime podcasts and I love prison stories.

• 9:43Sam Parr?

  For some reason, it's always fascinated me. Solitary confinement, I think I'd rather, in in some cases, I'd rather be killed than go to solitary confinement. And he talks about being in there for years and he talks about the mental fortitude that he had to have. And I think that while my day to day is pretty easy, a lot of yours, imagine compared to being in solitary confinement is pretty easy. You know, there's stuff that pisses me off throughout the day, stuff that I don't want to do and stuff that makes me anxious. And I think about kind of how he describes how we got through solitary confinement. It kind of inspires me to be a little bit stronger. So really, really fascinating. Um, the third thing, I actually can't remember where this quote came from. Um, but I'm going to tell you about a quote that I read that actually kind of changed the game for me for a little bit.

• 10:28Sam Parr?

  So basically last week, Sean and I and a bunch of our friends, or I'm not friends with all of them, but they, we invested in this company called Hone, which basically sells testosterone replacement therapy, which I like. And not everyone agrees with that and I understand that and I shared that I invested into it. And I got a lot of uh, trash, a lot of, a lot of criticism from a guy named Nat, who I actually know Nat and I've had dinner with him and I like him. But he criticized my deal and investing in them and he and he criticized the company. And that's cool. That's fine. Everyone can have their opinion and I'm sure he's got great points. But I started like wanting to argue with him and I think he was gonna argue with me. I mean, we're in, we're, we definitely were dug in.

• 11:10Sam Parr?

  And I asked a question that I stole from someone. I'm not gonna, I'm not, I'm telling you about my story with this and I don't want you to think I've made this up. I stole it from someone, but I don't remember what it was. But basically, the question that I asked was, what new information would you need to change your mind? Nat, I said, um, I tweeted at him, you could probably find it. I said, um, you know, instead of like arguing about this, let's just, just let me ask you, what information would you need to show? That TRT is good or that this company isn't shady? And I love that question. Like I said, I took it from somewhere, but whenever I'm arguing with someone or I have a different opinion than someone. I, I love saying, okay, I hear you. You know, you like this political candidate. You like this person. You like this person.

• 11:53Sam Parr?

  What new information would I need to present to you in order to change your opinion that they are good and not bad? And when you ask that question, you change an argument from arguing to trying to have empathy and understand someone's point of view. And it's a really great question I have found to ask to, um, kind of solve problems as opposed to just debate. So that's a good question. So what new information would I need to present to you? Or would you need to learn to show that your current beliefs are actually, um, different or maybe wrong or, or, or maybe, maybe you should actually agree with the point I'm making? Or what information could I provide you that could change your opinion? That, that question I think is great. Okay, a few more.

• 12:37Sam Parr?

  Steve McQueen, a biography. I read this book this week. I, I guess I listened to it. I didn't read it, but Steve McQueen, he's called the king of cool. He was an actor in the 50s, 60s and 70s. A lot of young men who want to dress nicely. They love Steve McQueen because he was dressed pretty cool. He was a pretty good looking guy. I read this book. And I read it because I wanted to be a little bit more adventurous in my life. And he was known for racing cars, for, for having loads of girlfriends. He was, you know, the very typical like manly man type of thing and, and that I read about. As a kid and I was like, well, now that I'm grown, let me read about him. Let me learn about this guy. This guy was awful. This was not a good person. I can't believe I looked up to this person.

• 13:17Sam Parr?

  Um, he was an awful guy. He cheated on his wife and he would brag about cheating on his wife to his wife. He mooched off her when he was broke and she was making money as an actress. And then when he started making it big as an actor, he bailed on her and cheated on her. And, uh, he would go to brothels and stuff like that with his friends and he would be like, hey, I don't have any money. Can you spot me? He, he would show up till late for work, hungover. Um, God, this guy was awful. I can't believe I looked up to him. Totally changed my perspective, but there is a few traits that I liked. For one, and this is probably the only trait is that he loved adventure. There's a, there's a really good story in the book about when he was 16. He went to a circus, I believe in Missouri or Arkansas, something like that. And he met the circus guys and they go, yeah, we paid this much money.

• 14:00Sam Parr?

  Um, if you want to, you know, join us and he goes, hell yeah, I'm in. So he just left that day with the circus, didn't even go home. His uncle, who he's living with at the time, didn't even know where he was. He thought he died at first. And then eventually Steve came home like a month later when he realized he didn't like being in the circus. And his uncle was very upset and I thought that was kind of funny and interesting. The second thing, the story that I remember, uh, reading about him is he was supposed to visit his wife. Steve was currently in, living in New York. His wife or girlfriend at the time was in LA filming a video, filming a movie. And Steve was on the airport to go visit her after he told her that he was on his way. Met a guy on his way to the airport who was going to Cuba, loved the store and he goes, F this. I want to go to Cuba, gets on the plane with the guy and goes to Cuba, goes to Cuba, tells his wife eventually, hey, you know, change of plans.

• 14:45Sam Parr?

  I'm actually been in Cuba for a week. I'm sorry I didn't make it. Gets arrested. She bails him out, flies him back to LA. And I don't like how he did that because he was disrespectful to his wife. He was disrespectful to his uncle. But God damn, I do love that type of, um, adventure. And I think it is interesting, you know, people just throw caution to the wind, even though I don't like how we did it, it's still kind of fascinating. And lastly, a great article by Bankrate. So right now with COVID, everyone's moving. Not everyone, a lot of people, you know, the biggest states are California, New York, New Jersey, PA, and Michigan. Those are experiencing the biggest exoduses, according to Bankrate. And there's an interesting list that we put together of cities that are giving crazy incentives for people to live in.

• 15:29Sam Parr?

  It's, and then let me, let me read you some of these, some of these cities. The first is Baltimore is giving a $5,000 down payment for a house. Tulsa is giving 10K plus free coworking space for people who stay for one year. In 2020, about 400 people took advantage of that. Three cities in West Virginia are saying that they're going to give you 10K, including coworking space and free rentals for outdoor gear. Maine and Alaska also have programs. Maine is giving tax rebates to transplants who earned a college degree since 2008. Alaska is giving $1,000 a year for three years. Topeka, Kansas, it's kind of funny, they're giving 10 grand if you move and buy a home, five grand if you rent. Northwest Arkansas, two counties there, they're giving $10,000 plus a mountain bike.

• 16:14Sam Parr?

  And then Wyoming has a few new laws that make crypto really easy, so they can attract crypto people. And then this is actually happening in other countries, so Greece, Barbados, Bali, Italy, all countries trying to lure remote workers. I thought this was fascinating. Typically, you'll see companies or cities recruit companies, so they'll try to get Amazon or whatever to move there. These guys are actually going after individual workers, and maybe they'll attract more and more of the company. Once they get a couple of the workers, kind of fascinating. I thought if you're, if you're young, you're single, you don't have a lot of kids, you don't have a lot of roots, hey, these are kind of fascinating. Northwest Arkansas, 10K and a mountain bike? That ain't too bad.

• 16:57Sam Parr?

  And I know that there's some schemer out there that's going to pull Michael Francis's scam and actually accept the money without living there. Anyway, those are the top bits of content I read this week that made a big difference on me. Let me know what you think. TheSampar on Twitter. Talk to you soon.